#sorry to everyone who followed me for art. instead all u get is this

[lucaanis]

nothing more humbling than when u think ur gonna draw and then get your ass beat in the drawing program and come back limping covered in blood etc

[signanothername]

WAAA not really an ask but just wanted to say your storytelling is a huge huge inspiration to me! I've always sorta struggled with that sorta thing and you're stuff gives me motivation to try!! Also I love how u draw killer it's so... him

ABBSHSHAAAAAA THANK YOU SOB

AND IM SO GLAD IT GIVES YOU MOTIVATION TO TRY!! Cause the funny thing is, storytelling is something that i also really struggle with, but not necessarily art wise, so like, when I make comics I can easily imagine what the art would be like and how it would flow, but once I reach the dialogue? I get stuck BIG time, it’s like I can imagine what i want, but I struggle with how to word it if that makes sense, words are just so hard to think of for me vhhchchc

So what i usually do is make the dialogue in two parts, first i’d I write everything I have in mind down, without thinking whether it makes sense or if it suits the character, and once i got everything written down, then i start actually refining it and thinking about the little details like whether this character would actually say that, or if it makes sense or if it’s better for the flow of the story

Sometimes, I know what I want the dialogue to be, but I struggle a lot with how i want the words to go, for example, the “little life update” comic

I struggled a LOT with the dialogue for that one, here are a few examples of dialogue I removed, changed, added and edited

I originally had Killer say “I get easily overwhelmed” before I changed it to “it gets overwhelming”

It’s such a small change but for me, it makes a very big difference, cause Killer usually feels detached from himself, so it just didn’t make sense to me that he would use “I” in regards to his own emotions, so I changed the dialogue so it would match Killer’s detachment and used “it” instead

Here I originally had the entire dialogue to be “monsters and Determination don’t mix well” followed by “ I mean my body’s already suffering from it”, but when I reread it, not only did it make the flow of the comic awkward and jumpy, but it also made me think “literally everyone in the Undertale fandom knows that I don’t need to reiterate it to them like they’re stupid”

Here I decided to add “but you already knew that” to the og dialogue, to further emphasize Nightmare’s manipulation of Killer

Here I removed an entire sentence saying “cause it’s not like you truly cared about my wellbeing” cause it felt a bit too spiteful even for Killer (who’s extremely spiteful bdhdhsh) and it gave the vibe Killer wanted Nightmare to care about him, which is not what I wanted to imply at all

And then the biggest change, the last few panels, the og dialogue and the one I used are completely different, and it’s mostly just me not knowing how to end the comic originally, but then when i reread it I realized that 1- Killer wouldn’t care about Nightmare’s feelings of loneliness when he barely understands his own emotions, 2- the dialogue felt extremely out of place with the rest of the comic, and 3- this comic wasn’t about Nightmare, it was about Killer and I needed to keep it that way

Anyway sorry for rambling about it but it genuinely makes me happy to see people loving my storytelling when i struggle a lot with it hahahaha

AND THANK YOU! Killer is my son and I just want to do him justice, glad to see so many people loving the way I write him EEEEEEEE

[stargazingfordreams]

The Stars that missed the Sun

Nyx x Reader

Warning- arrange marriage, cute stuff.

Part one, Part Two, Part Three

Chapter Four

I made my way to the garden. My heart was pounding out of my chest; I could hear the footsteps behind me. It was Nyx who had followed me out. I turned to see him standing there with concern etched on his face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked me, reaching to touch my arm, but I moved away. Avoiding his gaze so he couldn’t see the tears streaming down my face.

“I can’t do this,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I can still hear the dinner I stormed out on still in full swing, chatter and laughter going on. But for me, everything was happening in slow motion.

“I can’t pretend that everything is okay when it’s not. I’m sorry” I wrapped my arms around my waist, hoping it would somehow hold me together.

He looked at me for a long moment, his eyes filled with pain “ I understand,” he said softly, “but please don’t push me away. I want to help you, to be there for you”

“I know, I-” I stopped myself. I wanted to give myself completely, I tried to tell him that I was falling for him and that I was getting in my head about us and me being here, I wanted to say to him that I missed my family, but I couldn’t, and it was for so many reasons. I just couldn’t open myself to him but why?

Because what if he leaves? The thought crept into my head. What if he goes like everyone else?

“I want to go back to the townhouse,” was all I said, Hurt was carved into his face, but he took me into his arms and winnowed back to the townhouse.

—----------------------

It has been a few days since the family dinner. I woke up to an empty home; Nyx had gone to work early. I got ready as usual, but the guilt of everything still weighed over me. 

“A walk today, my lady? Maybe to Abrial,” Althaia’s voice took me out of my daydream. 

“Yes, please,” I said, she grabbed my light cloak handing it to me, and I was out the door. Velaris was warming up so nicely. The springtime was beautiful, and I could tell that the summer would be even better, and it was creeping around here so close. Seeing the streets of Velaris brought me some sort of peace.

I had meant to go to Abrial shop, but instead, I found myself standing outside of Feyre’s art studio, I enjoyed Feyre’s creativity, but this was the first time that I had decided to go and see her it was the least I can do after the other night.

I took a deep breath and opened the door entering the serene space. Feyre was sitting at a canvas with paint on her cheek. She held a gentle smile and turned towards me, her eyes filled with warmth.

“Well, hello, sweet girl, what brings you?” she asked. I hesitated for a moment to think what am I doing here. 

“I… I wanted to apologize; I’m sorry for how I left,” I said to her; her smile never faded. She walks up to me gracefully.

“There was never anything to apologize for” She took my hand a lead me further into her studio. The studio was bathed in natural light, and colorful canvases adorned the walls, each telling its own story. I looked around at all of the paintings, and I saw the pottery bathing in the sunlight.

“ Nyx had told me that you painted; I didn’t know you used clay either?” I said as I picked up a beautiful handmade vase.

“I didn’t,” she said. I turned over the vase to see the name carved at the bottom.

“He never told me,” I said, looking over Nyx’s pottery.

“He sometimes takes half a day of work or even after to clear his mind,”I said nothing to her.

“Have a seat; I’ll get you some clay to try,” She said. She gave me a change of clothes, and with a snap of her fingers, my old clothes went back to the townhouse. I sat down and began to work. I wasn’t much of an artist. The piano, poems, and books were more to my taste. But dancing, baking, and art that was always something that never came naturally. Feyre painted in silence while I worked into the clay.

“Love is a complicated journey, but sometimes the path we didn’t choose can lead us somewhere unexpected.” she finally said after some silence.

“Are you speaking from experience?” I had asked 

“Maybe some,” She said with amusement. 

“Is it too late?” I asked her if she understood what I meant. Was it to fix things with Lucien and Nyx as well? He was also owed an apology.

“Nyx has been with you to help you. All you have to do is reach out your hand,” she said 

“Can I ask a favor?” I asked her she gave me a nod.

—--------------------

I stood in the Kitchen, Determined to bake a cake for Nyx. I asked Feyre for the recipe that she got for Elaine. I don’t think for a second that this will make up for what he has done for me so far, but hopefully, it can at least pass for a sorry.

I gathered all the ingredients and mixed everything. The kitchen was filled with the array of ingredients and utensils and the scattering of my failing attempt. 

“Okay, eggs, flour, vanilla…. Where is the vanilla” I moved from cabinet to cabinet until I found it and added some drops to the mix. I wiped my cheek and tried to stir it together. 

“Well, you have been busy.”A voice from the doorway echoed, and I turned to see Nyx leaning against it with an expression that could be confused with admiration.

“Nyx!” I nearly shouted, “your home early. I…I was just-”

“It looks like you were trying to bake” he walked over and peeked into the bowl.

“Yes, trying and failing, so it seems” I leaned against the counter in defeat. He let out a chuckle. 

“Was there a celebration I wasn’t aware of? My birthday has passed, and yours isn’t for another few months.”

“I just wanted to bake a cake. It is the least I can do. I wanted to do something nice,” I said low, He finally walked across the room entirely and stood in front of me.

“The least you could do?”

“After a few days, yeah, the least you have been so kind, warm, inviting. I just want to be a good wife.” after I said that, his eyes held a certain tenderness.

“You are a good wife and an amazing one. You don’t have to bake a cake to tell me that, and for the family dinner.” He took me into his arms, and his face became serious.

“You have been through a lot, and you miss your family. How could I ever fault you for that?”

“So you’re not mad?”

“Not even a little I want to show you something.” He had winnowed us to the river house.

“Come follow me” he took my hand and led me to the part of the property that held what looked like a stable.

“Horses?” I asked, but he only smiled and opened the door, and that was when I saw her.

“Elfia!” I ran and arms around my pegasus neck. She flaps her wings with some excitement.

“But how-”

“I spoke to Helion, who permitted me to take your pegasus. Then Lucien and I spent a few days building it and making the correct accommodations that she would need.

“Lucien helped you?”

“I suppose it’s a family thing apologizing through acts of service.” he came close and gave Elfia a bit of hay. 

“Thank you,” I told him

“Just promise me that when Cassian asks you to race that you beat him, he’s already taking bets.” some pulled in my chest just then, something warm and comforting.

“Oh, before I forget, we have to go back home. I have some for you” This time, I took his hand and winnowed us back home, and next to the mess of ingredients was a box wrapped neatly. I handed it to him. He carefully opened the box and saw what I had made early. A smile so widespread, and he was fighting back a laugh

“It’s amazing, truly,” he had said though his face changed slightly.

“ I worked hard on that, you know,” I said as I tried to take it out of his hand, but he held it too high.

“I never said I didn’t want it; it’s great I can use it for so many things. It’s- what is it supposed to be?” he said as some of his laughter broke free.

“It’s supposed to be a mug. You can put coffee in it when you work from home,” I said, low crossing my arm.

“Awe, okay well, it’s now my favorite mug.”

“We all can’t be amazing an artist like you, Nyx,” I said. He pulled me close.

“Well then, tomorrow I will take off. We can be in the studio, and I can show you how to do things correctly,” he said as he kissed my forehead. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled in for a kiss. His lips moved against mine and synced, and his hands found their way all over my body.

My world just for a moment stood still.

[stinkrascal]

I think no one likes my tav :( I love that simblrs began to share other games like bg3! And the small amount that does it sticks together! They reblog each other's bg3 posts, do art for them, put cute tags to support each other, so nice to see!! I really want to be part of that, but no one seems to actually like the bg3 stuff I post🥹 do you have any advice for me?

hi anon, i'm sorry you're feeling this way :( to be honest i don't really know what could be causing ppl to overlook your posts. idk what advice i could give you bc some of my bg3 posts do really really well, and some of them get like maybe 5 notes depending on what time and what day i post 🙈 but please dm me if you like i'd love to follow u if i don't already!! i love rbing bg3 posts on my blog i'd love to rb your posts too! i want everyone to feel included in this community you know ;-; even if you don't feel like your posts get enough attention i promise that isn't an indication of you not being wanted in this community!! it just means you haven't found your audience yet, and that's totally ok. it took me many years of posting consistently on simblr before i found ppl who were interested in my silly video game screenshots and tbh i feel major imposter syndrome for even saying that like jade stfu what do u mean ppl care about your screenshots no they dont😭 so like idk. for me when i get really worked up about feeling like nobody cares about what i post i just try to like......... make a circle of a few mutuals whose opinions i really cherish and every time they interact with my posts in any capacity, liking, commenting, reblogging, etc, i consider that post a win lol. be like "oh well my circle of elite mutuals all liked this post that means this post is pretty cool isnt it!!" lol that sounds silly but it helped a lot for me, bc i was really prone to getting myself in these cycles where i felt like if my posts didnt hit a certain note count that means i suck and nobody likes my stuff and thats a sucky way to feel you know!! and like i don't really know how i can optimze your note count for you, idek how i optimize my own, at this point ive given up on that endeavor bc it just puts too much weird pressure on myself to live up to an arbitrary and unreachable standard. but i think trying 2 reframe the way you think about this situation is just as helpful, it was really helpful for me at least. obv i think tumblr is a place where our posts SHOULD be shared ie reblogging stuff!! and i always always always encourage people to reblog posts bc thats how our community grows and flourishes, thats literally how tumblr has to function to survive so DO IT!! but also with all that being said, it will be better for u in the long run if you don't put a lot of pressure on yourself to hit a certain note count to be a valid participant in this community, instead make it about the love of sharing your creations online, and being content w the fact that your creations are still cool even if it didn't hit a certain level of engagement u desired!! and you know what, when you start loving and passionately posting about your creations, ppl pick up on that excitement. they get excited too!! and then before you know it you do have a community of support! so please dont unduly stress yourself my friend. does this make any sense. idk. YOU GOT THIS ANON I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!

[sh1-n0bu]

MOMMY NOBUUUU /p i need someone wise’s advice !!!!

i like to make silly looking “art” (i don’t even consider it real art, it’s more like memes/doodles) (like the ms paint art style, that looks a bit like pixel art and also looks sketchy and simple) and i CAN’T DECIDE if i should make an account to post it??? i really want to but i know NOTHING about ig and its algorythm (even though i did use to have disney and anime fanpages with a decent amount of followers when i was, like, 14). i don’t wanna end up with an account with like 2 followers cuz what if affects my self esteem and the way i view art hsjsg ???? i like my cringy artstyle but.. idk im probably overthinking this AGHH

yk it’s just that when i was a fan account it wasn’t my art so it’s not like i got offended if people didn’t like/comment/save. with things i created it would be different i think??? i’ve been wanting to make an art account for YEARS and i just got into the artstyle (i had a “normal” artstyle before) but wait wait lemme try to link the pics

(hope they work)

so this is the first thing i’ve ever drawn in this style https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-AJt9jSnPo1Enyg4B8Dnm0HMYeFIhxYX/view?usp=drivesdk

and then it just kept going. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-I8x_U-9_ZVwpPE6aDAWlW0ApEuJ2r5Z/view?usp=drivesdk

and going (yes that’s a gyaru trying to talk to a golfball and yes it’s a remake of this meme https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/d6udnl/why_wont_it_move/)

and then i saw this. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-1qO6MbBOo51PK-jhMltsnpfCb0yTGV2/view?usp=drivesdk

and i went “this is so hsr main trio” https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-5MwpEQLIFx_iLdif6R9o66Xc2HW5vjw/view?usp=drivesdk

this is cursed, i’m aware.

then i started making these https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-60FA9_FROx2c0SQrzh1RXOXxm7tFl5G/view?usp=drivesdk

you have NO IDEA how many of these i’ve made. because idk either. all i know is that in three days i had made 20+ of them (which may sound like it’s not much, but for me and how little i used to draw it’s a lot)

and now i REALLY want to make the account but i’m TERRIFIED bc what if no one likes that kind of cringy stuff?????

i’m literally so sorry to bother you with this /gen it’s just me overthinking stuff as always :/ don’t feel pressured to answer me ofc!! <3 also i rlly rlly hope things are going better for you! sending love and support <33

gratefully yours

breaker anon~~<3

MOMMA NOBU HAS ARISEN /j j j j

first, those arts are fucking GORJUS my sweettums. as someone who has lost the ability to draw, that is beautiful. i used to think of becoming a free style painter or to learn how to draw digital but somewhere along the way i just gave up and decided to simply settle on writing instead. even now, when i see art tiktok or recommendations of compilation videos on yt, i feel a bit of an ache in my chest. its just there, y’know?

second, i think you should do for it. maybe try opening up an account on a platform ur incredibly familiar with. perhaps tumblr? or even ig? or even tiktok works too! just any platform you feel safe and comfortable and know how to navigate is good.

and yeah, i can def say felt to the “it will make my mental health worse if i only get 2 likes or smt” bc same same same. i try to write good and capture the characters’ personality correctly while keeping the fic ‘alive’ only to end up with like,,,, hundreds of likes but no feedbacks or reposts or smt LMAOOO

as for a single tip i would give is to expect everything. not everyones going to like ur content and they will suddenly crash into ur inbox talking abt how they hated this fic or smt of yrs bc it was disgusting or not their thing. that has happened to me like,,,, 3 times???? i think?????? and and!!! be sure to do a bit of research beforehand, me thinks. see what kind of attention you would get when u start to post on ur page or account.

honestly, i started this blog as only reposting blog. but then one day my very first 🦝 anon came and i decided, why not write a thirst thought i had with friend and see how it goes? and it just spiraled from there.

main thing is, have patience and love what ur doing. don’t burn urself out over it too much or else what u used to love will end up being what u hate and take good care of yourself sweettums<3

[sheep-sorbet]

crawling out of the woodwork, covered in dust hewwo

sorry to anyone who has wondered where i've been, if that's been anyone at all

i fell out of making art for kingdom hearts, and i was tempted to make this huge post with receipts to explain why, but instead i think it will be easier to just say this: fandom zines suck, and a mod that ran the ienzo/zexion zine i was in harassed me into basically just giving up and not making any art of him or posting about him.

the experience i had in that zine was bad enough that i had to make this decision: from now on, i will not participate in fandom zines run by other people. i love making and helping with zines so this really upsets me, and i hope to get back into the zine scene soon. maybe self-published is the way to go for me, im not sure. i am not even sure i can return to the zine scene at all because the deadline stress is too much for me, personally.

i've also become hesitant to participate in fandom events at all anymore. the exception has been the TWEWY secret santa that's happened the last 2 decembers, and that's because i am comfortable enough with the mod and people involved that i know im not going to be like. Harassed. lol

i lost my drive to create KH stuff at all because interacting with it, and especially making stuff about ienzo, who is my favorite, would have opened me up to furthered harassment, and i just didn't want to deal with it. due to the nature of working on the zine and being sent a copy of it, it's very possible the person who harassed me could make a lot of trouble for me if i say anything at all, which is why i just Haven't until now. they have my name and previous address, which i gave to them before the harassment started. i was required to give it to them to be compensated even slightly for my work. so this being potentially used against me, for what amounts to expressing my own opinions on my own blog, made me hesitant to say anything or involve myself further in the fandom.

all i did was say the very normal and lukewarm opinion of "it makes me uncomfortable when people want to see someone fuck their adoptive parent figures, and i don't want people like that following me", and said mod ended up DMing me to chastise me about it. im not going to name that mod or share the screenshots openly, because that would be taken by them as 'harassment', ironically, and i just would like to move on.

that, combined with a lot of things going on IRL, has made posting difficult for me. tbh, i've barely drawn anything since june of last year. Thank u to everyone who has still enjoyed my art that is already up, and to all the other ienzo/zexion enjoyers who like my art and are understanding. i miss kh and i hope i'll find the drive to be into it again soon. until then, the main things i've been into lately have been (N)TWEWY, omori, and hunter x hunter, so you might see stuff about that if and when i ever get my shit set back up.

i debated just not posting this and acting like it didn't happen. but not saying anything at all would be dishonest, and more importantly, i think people should be aware of the fact that fandom zines are not always a fun experience, and can actually be very stressful and exhausting for very little reward. i want to caution people before joining fandom events to vet the people running it a little bit if possible. you can't control who gets accepted to the zine, but you can control the people whose zines you sign up for. and if it sucks hit the bricks, which i did not do and should have lol

sometimes, you join a zine and put a lot of love and work into it, all you get out of it is being overworked and harassed. and then not all the finished pieces you made for the zine even ends up in it 🙃 did i mention you have to pay to get copies of the merch you yourself designed?

for the sake of my own sanity and to avoid certain people's ire im not gonna tag this in the main tags, and im also going to turn reblogs off. this is just an informational post about where i've been, what's been happening with me, and why it's hard for me to make stuff about ienzo right now. please just take it as such and don't be mean to anyone, regardless of what happened. if anyone is really burning for details i might be open to answering in DMs, but more than anything, i just want to get this out of my system (˚ ; - ; )👍

i hope i can go back to being the "funny ienzo guy" soon. until then i will continue to be the "funny emo boys in general" guy

[kllrorca]

TLDR;

- Hai!!!! I'm Orca also now known as Mylo (bc the name is pretty and i wanna feel pretty :3) I'm an alter who's LITERALLY our host but I also have some fictionkins I'll need to regulate later on umm!!!!

- I age with the body and rn, we are 17 :3 I DON'T HAVE A DNI (beside the basic one!!) I'm just existing ^_^ I USE THEY/THEM!!!!!!!!

- I CAN'T FOLLOW BACK!! This is a side blog and even tho host doesn't use tumblr to post, ik he wouldn't want any proshippers in his following so I'm gna respect that :3 (feel free to follow me anywhere else that DOESN'T connect this type of stuff)

- I AM A PROSHIPPER AND PROFIC(??! I need to search more about it but it seems fun :3)

Tsdr [Too short didn't read];

ITS ME!!! - KllrOrca :3

— Mylo/Orca ; Minor ; They/Them ; Headmate

- SIDE BLOG. Other socials will be put later!

- I'm usually fronting, if I'm not fronting u have the permission to ask about me!! The host might not respond but sooner or later I will instead :3

- I am a proshipper & Profic, I'm still getting used to being public about it so I'll put emojis down at some point!!!

- We are bodily Black & Puerto Rican :3 I WILL make jokes eluding to racism and slavery with friends, its something I picked up and will NOT let go!!! If that makes u uncomfortable just tell me ^_^

— Activity Varies depending on how much people perceive me ^_^ If you dont perceive me I won't be on for long, since I'll be bored!

- I USE MY HOSTS ARTSTYLE THAT SEEMS EASY TO USE!! I don't want to hurt my hands OR make others think my host is a proshipper when he's not 😞 I wanna get in drama for ME not him srry

- Everyone has full permission to draw my sona and use my sona in anything EVEN hate drawings :3 I love everything!!!! Give it to meee ^q^

— I'M NOT EXACTLY AGENDER BUT I DON'T EXACTLY HAVE A GENDER EITHER!! I guess I AM agender but on a more feminine + masculine side without the neutral ??? I don't really care :3

- My sexuality is... idk!! I haven't thought about it

- I AM APART OF THE LGBT THOUFH!! I KNOW THAT :3 Idk if I'm pan, i don't think so and besides; I wanna be myself !!!

- ANY AGE CAN INTERACT WITH ME BUT DON'T BLAME ME FOR ANYTHING I AGE RESTRICTED!!

— HAI thw main blog to get to any OTHER blog IS strictly [ANTI PROSHIPPERS] + variations, so I can't send it here :3 incase any anti proshippers want it to date back to my host (who rlly just wants me to stop bothering him about everything) then dm me and I'll send it!!! idm ^w^

- I'll make a carrd/rentry/strawpage at some point :3 maybe :3 idk .. maybe I shouldn't but also Should once I have all my socials ready

MY BOUNDARIES [IK, SHOCKING!!]

— I don't have a dni (beside the basic one!!) :3 You can interact with me idc! Even if its for arguing! One thing I ask though is that u DON'T attempt to dox me, bc at the end of the day I can just stop fronting snd you'll be doxxing an innocent person instead who got so tired of hearing me yap and yap!!

- I won't be doing the time, my host will :3 and it'll only traumatize us more!!! Don't be stupid :D

- ACTUALLY don't harass ANYBODY!!!! u can Harass ME but don't harass anyone else PLEASE!!!! I won't like talking to u otherwise sorry

— JUST BECAUSE I'M AN ALTER DOES NOT MEAN I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY SYSTEM! Talk to me for me pls :3

- I DON'T CARE ABOUT SYSCOURSE UR ALL PEOPLE AT THE END OF THE DAY and I want people to talk to me ^_^ Talk to me Rachel...!! /ref

- IF YOU feel uncomfortable talking to me since im an alter (confusing but wtvr) DON'T FEEL FORCED TO INTERACT if I interact first :3

- Ai generators can kiss my ass also btw I don't like Ai but i can like the person typing the prompt in the computer if ur cool !!!!

MYYYY Final notes :3

— ANY ANON EMOJIS ARE WELCOMED TO ASK FOR A SPOT HERE OR A SPECIAL TAG :3 U can dm me and ask me abt things idm!! I have the mindset of NOT SENDING HARASSMENT OR hating on people who haven't done anything :3

- u can request me art from me :3 but know thay sending nsfw to minors IS illegal so I can't do nsfw!! sexual nsfw!

[azuneekun]

when you wanna stay in the new island and get things done but you also like to take care of your pixelated family and farm back home in the valley

[yanderechuu]

do any of the teachers ever notice the things happening to y/n? (i headcannon Mic and Midnight as yanderes that would give advice to 1A lol)

yandere!Class 1A x fem!reader

[2.1K]

Summary: Aizawa is the first one you approached in regards to your certain predicament.

Warning: nonconsensual recording

│

Aizawa suspected something wasn’t quite right by the moment he saw you entering the class a minute before the bell rang, all haggard and teary-eyed, though you tried your best to obscure your disposition. He always knew you to often be in a state of discomfort whenever you were compelled to socialize, especially with your classmates, but now - you looked as if you reached your limit of holding the weight of the world on your shoulders, crashing down all at once as depicted on your crestfallen expression. 

And when you showed up in front of the faculty room, timidly soliciting his presence, his suspicions were only further verified. Even with a pending question regarding subject matters in your mind, you weren’t one to approach a teacher to inquire about it, and if you did it was because the teacher was the one who would ask your attendance; never the other way around.

Present Mic was the first one to acknowledge you. He stood up from his office chair, waving at you comically. “Yo, (l/n)! Having trouble with English again?”

You never had a problem with his subject; he only insisted that you’d come to him in regards to that. “N-no, not really. May I speak to Aizawa-sensei?”

“Talk with me instead!” He enthusiastically spoke and headed over to you. “Come on, what’s the matter?”

“It isn’t your place to ask that when I’m here.” Aizawa interceded, clearly unimpressed by Mic’s antics. He failed to see the latter’s displeased countenance. “(L/n), what is it?”

You avoided eye contact with him, averting your view to the ground - that was alright. You were always like this, and he didn’t mind. Nothing out of place except for the fact that it looked as if you were about to cry any moment now.

“Can we- can we, um, talk somewhere more private?” You asked quietly.

His brows raised in wonder at your request. Nevertheless, he didn’t decline you, only nodding lackadaisically before heading towards the teacher’s lounge, where you followed him suit. He flicked the door tag to ‘occupied’ and entered the room after you, when he told you sit on the three-person sofa situated not quite on the farthest left of the space. Then, he settled himself on the chair across you.

“Well?” He asked, expectantly.

But you had once again your head above a thick cloud of anxiety. You knew that after the event with Momo in the girls’ locker room - where you had injured her against your will because she had been violating your personal space - your homeroom teacher kept a cautious eye on you in case you’d re-enact that incident. And it wasn’t just that incident that made him look at you like you were a criminal on the loose, either. Your classmates found and did a lot of ways to place you in Aizawa’s naughty list just so you wouldn’t snitch on their abusive (they’d call it affectionate) behavior on you.

That didn’t erase the fact that you were nevertheless his student; he cared for you no less than he cared for his other pupils, yet you were just too ignorant in figuring that out. All that mattered to you was that you’d voice out your current concern to him, but with your insecurities holding you down it seemed it would be more difficult than you had primarily foreseen it to be.

“I-I,” you stammered out, fiddling with something inside your pocket, “u-um, you see, t-there’s this, I mean, I can’t-”

He grew increasingly frustrated with your constant stuttering, and although he did understand your shy nature which largely affected your conversational habits, he only had so much patience to deal with it.

“I don’t have all day.” He stated, glowering at your form in mild irritation. “If you’re going to keep doing that, talk to the wall.”

You abruptly halted in speaking after that, only looking down on your lap, staring wide-eyed, grief-stricken at the revelation that perhaps he really did not want to heed any of your words because you were just that bad of a student that he had decided you were not worth much the effort to concern himself with. And maybe he was right - that your words didn’t matter because you didn’t matter; that there were more affairs he better be tending to than yours; that you were only making a big deal out of this when it truthfully wasn’t.

Oh god, you felt like vomiting. Self-deprecation was getting the better of you.

He stood up and sauntered to the exit, not bothering to spare you a glance. “Come back to me when you actually know what you want to say.”

It was a matter of seconds when you ran to him, pulling him back rather harshly by the grip you had on his sleeve. He turned around due to the force to see your head still hung low, avoiding his gaze as always - only, your shoulders were quivering sporadically, and occasional sniffs were heard from your person.

“P-please, sensei...” you voiced out, shaken and horrifyingly delicate. “I-I’m so scared. Please.”

While he looked at you with contracted irises, countenance now alert from your unexpected disposition, you pulled your trembling hand out of your skirt pocket, nervously disclosing to him from your palm a small, black device with a tiny yet prominent lens.

“M-my room,” you heaved, “I-I saw this i-in my room, m-my closet, while- while I was dressing up, and I don’t know how long it had been in there but it probably already caught me bare and-”

You broke down in a flurry misery and shame, allowing yourself to fall to the ground but you didn’t - Aizawa seized you in his arms, his gentle, fatherly arms that could only do so much to console you from the horror of your reality. And he held your head as you cried on his chest, one little thing he could do after ignoring your situation and letting you think that your significance was less than the rest of his other students. At that moment, you were just so little, so fragile, so naïve he’d keep you in his pocket if he could. Why would someone do something as debauched as illegally recording your innocent self?

“I’m sor-sorry,” you sobbed, “I’m really telling the truth, p-please-”

“Shh, it’s okay. I don’t doubt you.” He reassured. Why were you apologizing? Were you that insecure of being a nuisance? No, no, you never were. Not to him. He reached for your hand to take the cursed device. “Since when did you find out?”

“J-just this morning.” You responded.

“Alright. Do you want to rest? This must have taken a huge toll on you.”

But you still had classes ongoing. Then again, you didn’t feel like looking at the faces of the prime suspects who possibly did you dirty, even when you knew that you’d have to eventually interact with them to get notes of your missed lessons. You were so tired from summoning the lot of your courage to confront your teacher regarding your problem, so you probably wouldn’t have the energy to listen to class discussion. Aizawa finalized your decision by pulling you up and guiding you towards the office of Recovery Girl who, after being briefed of your predicament by your homeroom teacher, welcomed you with a warm smile, telling you to make yourself comfortable in one of the beds in the infirmary.

He then made his way to 1A classroom, a newfound swelling of rage and disappointment in his chest, both forwarded to his class and to himself because only now did he realize that perhaps you were often so restless and apprehensive in the presence of your classmates because they did things that made you bury yourself in the deepest parts of your shell as a last attempt to revel in a sense of safety. Your timidity was not entirely derived from your own nature; it was also due to the maltreatment you were receiving from your classmates. Halting his steps by the classroom door, he looked through the glass window, seeing the class focusing on Midnight’s lecture.

Well, not quite. He could tell that your classmates were visibly affected by the lack of your presence, glancing at your desk from time to time as quiz papers were being passed behind - so they were in the middle of a test, he guessed. But that wasn’t his concern.

In impudent manner, he walked in amid Midnight’s talking, disregarding her face’s sudden morphing into vexation as the students gave him a look of confusion.

“Eraser, what are you-” she was rudely interrupted as Aizawa took the test reference papers from her hands. Something about Modern Hero Art History, he read. He faced his class with disdain, stating,

“Until someone confesses their crime of hiding a spy camera on (l/n)’s dorm room, all of you are receiving failing marks on this test.”

Quite suddenly, the class burst into violent upheaval, gasping, perking, some allowing the dreadful news of your situation to sink in, others letting out noises of complaint before actually taking consideration to the main point of Aizawa’s statement. Midnight stared at him in disbelief, but did nothing to stop his measures.

Momo abruptly stood. “I-is (y/n) okay? We should go check on her!”

“No, you shouldn’t.” Aizawa said. “All of you are suspects. You’ve no right to see her.”

“She probably just made that up get back on us for whatever fucking reason!” Yelled Bakugou.

“Yeah?” The male pro-hero disingenuously mused. He then picked up the spy camera and held it for everyone to see, before setting it down the teacher’s podium. “This was found on her closet. Would she risk recording herself naked just to prove that point?”

Noise died down thereafter, setting their sights solemnly at the device, the class collectively having the same thought in regards to the spy camera.

(Why hadn’t they thought of that? It could have been easier to check on you that way, since you almost always confined yourself in the privacy of your own room.)

“So? No one wants to speak up?” Aizawa asked, though expected the silence.

“Aizawa, have them approach you after classes. It’s embarrassing this way.” Midnight intervened.

“Well that’s the point. Get them exposed to the entire class, so everyone could realize how much of a perverted bastard one of these to-be heroes are. Good values, my ass.” He replied, not bothering to filter rather colorful vocabulary. “Where’s your dignity?”

He let a minute or two pass for the perpetrator to reveal themselves, but soon it became apparent that whomever they were refused to admit to their crime, willing to sacrifice the grades of the class for the sake of anonymity. That would be deemed useless, anyway, because Aizawa was already set on figuring out whom they were, no matter the extent he’d go to in order for that to happen. He’d expel them at once.

But he didn’t have the power to expel someone outside of his class.

“I guess that’s it for your test.” He sighed, disgruntled, picking up the small camera and sauntering his way out of the classroom after giving Midnight a look that he was dead serious with marking all of them a failing score. She stared at him in uncertainty, nonetheless abided by his decisions, albeit hesitantly.

Upon ascertaining his absence, Midnight turned to Class 1A, amusement and humor dancing on her seductive countenance.

“Naïve, hormonal teenagers,” she mused, “the closet, really? Couldn’t you have chosen somewhere less conspicuous?”

None of them bothered to tell her that they were truthfully unaware of the incident.

===

Hagakure Toru, stealth hero, entered your room silently in the nude, the only proof of her movements being a tinier, different spy camera she’d brought along with her. No, not the closet, you might find it again. It looked so painfully obvious on the desk, too, and neither in the bathroom due to its pale white interior. 

But on the pencil holder situated atop your nightstand would do. You barely moved it, anyway, only having its purpose served as a decoration; something to fill the vacancy of the bedside table. After a few adjustments in camouflaging the device with the environment and making sure the lens displayed the area of your space, Hagakure checked its concealment one more time, before mechanically heading outside and back to her own dorm. 

Her body collided almost violently with her room’s door, snapping her out of her trance. 

“H-huh!? Weird... how’d I end up in my room?” She asked, receiving no answer from particularly anyone.

But Shinso Hitoshi could provide her one, if only he weren’t outside, staring at your terrace from five stories down your room, a gratifying smirk donned on his features. Now, the only thing he had to do was dismantle and relocate the gadgets wirelessly connected with the camera Aizawa had confiscated.

[kkodzvken]

take the dive - sugawara koushi x milf!reader

tags/warnings: smut, 18+ ONLY! slight dubcon, infidelity, post timeskip (suga teaches reader’s kids). overstimulation and slight dumbification, oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex, semi-public (in an empty classroom)

a/n: this is my piece for @ultimate-astridwriting’s milf fuckers collab, which you can find here!! thank you for hosting this astrid, and thank u to everyone in the server for ur love and support as i worked on this <33. title cred: take the dive by jonghyun

wc: 3.9k

Amidst a faculty full of stuffy old dinosaurs and suits, Sugawara Koushi is a breath of fresh air. He’s a welcome distraction, a pretty face to focus on at dull PTA meetings and assemblies. And you knew that you weren’t the only one making heart eyes at him. Everywhere that he went, heads turned, and moms whispered. At the bus stop, on the sidelines of sports matches, in the waiting rooms outside dance classes.

It was just that, though -- just whispers. Little knowing glances and nudged shoulders, dreamy sighs and brief sinful indulgences. Nothing more than a brief escape from the monotony of your everyday lives. You’d lose yourselves in the fantasy for a few seconds, and then pull your heads down from the clouds and plant your feet on solid ground. You enjoyed your gossip with the other moms, and then you returned home, to your husband and children. To your family.

You love them, of course. Your children are your world, and your husband is a good man. He’s a good man, and that’s what made it so hard. He treats you well, keeps his words soft and never once put his hands on you. 

He may be good, but, God, was he boring. You can’t remember the last time that he’d even kissed you, let alone fucked you. He came home later and later each night, too tired from work to do anything but silently scarf down his dinner and plant himself on the couch in front of the television. He dragged himself into bed hours after you did. He tried to be quiet, he really did, but he woke you up every single night with his stomping and shuffling. When you snuggled closer to him, he pushed you off. My back hurts too bad, he’d say, voice tinged with regret. Remind me to book another appointment with the chiropractor. 

It was always some excuse or another. 

So, really, you couldn’t blame yourself for your wandering eye. You weren’t going to act on it, of course -- you weren’t a cheater -- but the young teacher was something to occupy yourself with. A pretty face to fill your thoughts as you wrangled your horde of screaming kids from swim lessons to dance practice to art classes. A pretty, pretty body to imagine as you fucked yourself with your fingers, teeth sinking into your bottom lip to muffle your moans. You couldn’t help but imagine that it was him, lithe body leaning over yours. No complaints of aching backs and sore muscles, none of the complications that came with age. 

You’d leave your husband catatonic on the couch, put the kids to sleep, and then go dream of their hot teacher. You should’ve been more ashamed, but there was a part of you that loved the thrill of it. You flushed whenever you saw Mr. Sugawara the next morning, memories of your illicit thoughts filling your mind, but it also made your body feel electric. 

Of course there was a part of you that longed to throw caution to the wind and jump the young man, but your conscience was much stronger than your weak, lustful thoughts. You were happy with the way things were now. As dull as your husband was, and as insufferable as the children could sometimes be, you were happy. 

This was all you had ever wanted. A house in the suburbs, a husband with a well-paying job, three kids and a dog. You’re living the fucking dream. You’re happy, you tell yourself.

So why the fuck are you so unsatisfied?

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

With a deep breath, you stare down the heavy glass doors at the school’s entrance. You want nothing more than to find the idiot architect who designed this building, and strangle him for installing pull doors. Your arms are already sore from carrying the giant tray of brownies from your car to the front of the school, and you worry that if you put the treats down to open the door, you wouldn’t be able to lift them up again. A quick glance at your watch tells you that you have two minutes left to reach the gym where the bake sale is being held. The PTA president is notorious for hating latecomers, and you weren’t in the mood to get your head bit off.

You’re debating doing some gymnastics and using your foot to grab the handle, when you notice footsteps approaching from behind you. You open your mouth to ask for help, but they beat you to it. “Let me get the door,” says their syrupy, melodic voice.

Their familiar voice.

Your body practically freezes as a strong arm reaches over your shoulder. Long fingers – fingers that you’ve fantasized about too many times to count – twist the handle and push it open easily. You don’t know how you didn’t notice him approaching sooner, but now that he’s here, your senses are in overdrive. The sweet scent of his cologne, the sound of his breath, the warmth of his body – it’s all too much, and it makes your knees feel weak.

“Mr. Sugawara,” you say, voice coming out much breathier than you intended. This must be some kind of Pavlovian response from all your fantasizing, because there is no reason for your stomach to be twisting right now. “Thank you.”

He grins sheepishly and steps away, and you hate the way that your body screams at you to lean into him. “It’s no problem. Is that for the bake sale? Here, let me carry it for you.”

You try to protest, but there’s really no point. His long fingers are already pushing yours to the sides, and you swear you’ve been electrified as he pulls the tray out of your hands. It’s a shame, really, that he’s wearing a button-down. The sleeves are rolled up to his forearms, at least, but you would’ve loved to see his biceps flex as he carried that tray…

What am I doing? You dig your nails into your palm to snap yourself out of your thoughts, but it’s hard to stay lucid when he’s so beautiful. He carries the brownies with ease, using just one arm to support their weight as the other holds the door open for you. It should make you upset, that you’re so weak in comparison to him, but the thought just makes you feel even more breathless. He’s so strong, so young, and so unlike your husband.

“Thank you,” you say again as he steps into the building behind you. You reach for the tray, but he waves you off.

“Nonsense. I’ll walk you to the gym.”

“Oh, really, you don’t have to—”

“I insist. Anything for my favorite mom.”

His…favorite? His words leave you too stupefied to protest any further, and he takes your silence as compliance. Your body automatically follows in his footsteps as he paces down the hallways.

He looks over at you and smiles comfortingly. It lights up his entire face, but does little to ease your turbulent thoughts.

Your mind is still fixated on his words as you step onto the squeaky wood flooring of the gymnasium. Sugawara calmly walks over to the PTA president, who looks like she’s about to rip her hair out. She’s surrounded by a gaggle of other moms, all jabbering away with concern painted across their faces.

“Is something wrong, ladies?” he asks. His voice snaps them all out of their conversation, and their eyes widen as they take him in.

“Yes,” says the PTA president scornfully. “We were supposed to have the brownies here already! The sale starts in ten minutes, and if this keeps up, I won’t have enough time to inventory everything and make it presentable, and –”

“I have the brownies,” you cut in, resisting the urge to roll your eyes.

She blanches, and looks from you to the tray in Sugawara’s arms. An oh is all she can muster before grabbing the brownies and rushing off.

“Is everything okay?” one of the other moms asks, her voice laced with fake sweetness. “Oh, and you look so tired, dear. If you couldn’t manage your part, you should’ve just said so!”

“It would’ve been no trouble,” another woman says. “I’d have had no trouble whipping up a tray for you! Everyone always does love my baking.”

You grit your teeth and resist the urge to snap at them. It’s always like this – the other moms seem so in tune with their lives of domestic bliss, playing games of politics and constantly competing to be the best. Try as you might, you just can’t satisfy yourself with a life like theirs.

The material of Sugawara’s shirt brushes against you, and you start. He doesn’t pull away as you flinch, instead gently resting his hand on the small of your back. “Sorry to interrupt, but can I steal her away? Mrs. (L/N), I have your son’s science fair project sitting in my classroom. He keeps forgetting to bring it home. Would you like to go collect it now?”

You nod, relieved at the excuse to escape these women and their sickening artificial sweetness. Sugawara gently guides you with the hand on your back. You can’t help but internally smirk at the thinly-veiled jealousy on the faces of the other mothers.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.  

“This is why you’re my favorite,” Sugawara says, once you’re safely out of earshot. “All these PTA moms are so fake. But you’re not like that, are you?”

You nod, still a bit convinced that this is all a dream. He doesn’t remove his hand from your back as you walk down the hallways, and only pulls away when you reach the door to his classroom. He fishes through his pocket and pulls out a ring of keys, before insert one into the knob and pushing the door open. He gestures for you to enter first, and so you do, blinking at the harsh sudden brightness of the automatic lights.

You awkwardly glance around the room. You’ve been here plenty of times before, but that was all during the daytime, when it was packed full of energetic children. It feels…strange, to be alone in a classroom as an adult. Or, well, alone, except for the stupidly attractive teacher that you’ve been lusting over.

“Where’s the project?” you ask, trying to diffuse some of the tension building in your stomach. “I should head home soon.”

Sugawara leans his back against the door and cocks his head. “You know, I know what you say about me.”

“What?”

“Don’t play dumb.” His eyes rove across your body, lingering on your chest for far longer than they should. “I’m not deaf, you know. I hear all the things you say about me. You’re just like all the other moms.” He pushes off the door, stalking closer to you. You instinctively take a step back. “Only difference is, you might actually have the guts to do something about it.”

Your heart thuds in your chest, so hard that you think your ribs might bruise. “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mr. Sugawara. I-”

You take another step back, and another, and suddenly your back collides with concrete. Your body jolts, and you yelp at the sudden pain.

Sugawara leans closer. One of his hands braces against the board behind your head, and the other one comes up to cradle your face. His long fingers hook under your chin and press, forcing you to tilt your head up and meet his gaze. His thumb brushes against your lip, and you can’t deny how the sensation makes your body feel like jelly.

Every rational thought in your mind is screaming at you to run, to leave, to get away from him and go back to your husband, but God, it’s been so long since you’ve felt like this. It’s been so long since someone’s made your heart race and your breaths quicken, since someone’s made you blush like a schoolgirl over a simple touch.

“What was that you said?” he asks, his voice dripping with honey. “You don’t know what I’m talking about?”

You swallow and bite the inside of your cheek. The pain does nothing to clear the fog inside your mind. “I-I don’t, I-”

“You do,” he interrupts, his thumb still toying with your lip. “You’re so fucking obvious. I bet you’re wet already, aren’t you?”

“Mr. Sugawara!” His lewd words make you gasp, but more than anything, you hate the fact that he’s right. Your body has a mind of its own, and it wants nothing more than to wrap your lips around his thumb and pull him closer. It wants to feel his arms wrapped around you, feel his body towering over you.

But you can’t. As much as you want to, you can’t, because you have a husband at home who’s waiting for you. Sure, he isn’t home right now, because he’s putting in extra hours at the office. And sure, he hasn’t touched you or made you feel desired in weeks. Hell, you haven’t had a genuine conversation in weeks. But he’s still your husband! You try and remind yourself of that. You roll the thought around in your head, hoping that it’ll push your thoughts of Sugawara away.

But the young teacher is persistent, and there’s a glimmer in his eye that makes your chest tighten. “Call me Koushi, princess.”

“Don’t call me princess –”

“What, you’re going to pretend that it didn’t make you wetter? Going to pretend that you aren’t clenching your thighs together right now?” He leans in even closer, so that his breath brushes against your ear as he whispers. “Your body doesn’t lie, baby.”

A whine slips past your lips at his words, and then you gasp, mortified with yourself. But the grin that covers his face makes your transgression worth it, because God, he’s handsome. His hand squeezes your chin even tighter, and then trails down to your neck. Your breath catches in your chest. You’re hyperaware of his every movement, of his fingers trailing across your skin, his touch feather-light. It leaves you aching for more.

You instinctively whine again, and he lets out a noise of surprised delight. “Whining like this, and you’re still denying that you want me? What’s got you so embarrassed?”

“I have a husband,” you hiss – or, at least, you try to hiss. It comes out more like a whimper than anything else.

Sugawara looks at you for a beat – and then throws his head back and laughs. It catches you off guard, and you furrow your brow. “Why the fuck are you laughing?”

He collects himself, but his eyes are still gleaming when he looks back at you. “Sure, you have a husband. But that doesn’t stop you from thinking about me, does it? Tell me, when’s the last time that your husband took care of you? When’s the last time that he touched you, or fucked you, or made you feel good?”

“Mr. Sugawara, this is inappropriate–”

“Stop lying to yourself.” His voice suddenly drops, his stare forceful and deadly serious. “Say the word, and I’ll go. We can pretend this never happened. But anyone with eyes can tell that you’re unsatisfied.”

“I…I don’t…” Your thoughts feel like a wave, building higher and higher. They bounce around your head, reverberating against your skull, so loud that you can’t even think.

“Why are you settling?”

“Mr. Sugawara, please, I–”

“Why are you settling, when you know you want more?”

The wave crests.

You don’t know who moves first, but somehow, your fingers are tangled in his hair, and his lips are slotted against yours. It’s not soft, or sweet – it’s a mess of teeth and tongues and feverish breaths. His hands are everywhere. They trail over your skin, explore the curves of your chest and your stomach, grip tightly at your waist to pull you closer.

“Mr. Sugawara,” you pant against his lips. Your lungs scream for oxygen, but you can’t bear to drag yourself away from him for even a second. He kisses so well. It may be rushed, and messy, but there’s so much hunger behind his actions that it makes your head spin. It’s like his lips are a live wire, and every second that they touch yours, they send a thousand volts of electricity arcing through your body.

“Koushi,” he breathes. “Call me Koushi, please.” You nod, and then hurriedly undo the buttons of his shirt, popping a few off in the process. Neither of you care. His hands finally dip beneath the hem of your dress, and he wastes no time in unceremoniously tugging it off your body.

Your hands instinctively go to cover yourself. Age and childbirth have changed your body, and you know that Mr. Sugawara – no, Koushi – is probably used to beautiful young women. You still don’t understand why his eye landed on you. He surely has dozens of girls his age fawning over him, with flat stomachs and perky tits. Why you?

He grips your wrists and pries your hands away from your body. “Don’t do that,” he says, so gentle in contrast to the fire from just moments ago. “Don’t cover yourself up. You’re beautiful.”

Oh.

You can’t remember the last time that someone called you beautiful. You can’t remember the last time that you felt beautiful.

But right now, with Koushi staring at you, eyes blown out with lust… you feel it.

He sinks onto his knees, lips already pressing little kisses against your hips and upper thighs. You try and protest – really, Koushi, you don’t have to – but he shushes you instantly. He hooks one of your thighs over his shoulder and dives in without hesitation. Even through the fabric of your panties, you’re in fucking heaven. His tongue laves against your clit, focusing so much attention onto the swollen bead that you can’t help but let out a moan.

You slap your hand over your mouth to silence yourself. You’re in an elementary school, for God’s sake. The bake sale is at the other side of the large building, but you’re terrified of someone walking past and catching you. Guilt swirls around your heart, but it’s quick to dissipate when Koushi tugs your panties off and throws them over his shoulder. He buries himself into your cunt again, and it’s even better without the barrier. The coil in your stomach is tightening embarrassingly fast, but you can’t seem to find it in yourself to care. His tongue laps at your folds, slurping lewdly.

The pleasure is overwhelming. Your body moves of its own accord. Your hips grind against Koushi’s face, and he moans right into your cunt. His lips move up to your clit again, alternating between licking and sucking. You’re so focused on his mouth that you barely notice his fingers, so long and pretty, collecting your wetness.

You do notice when he fucks two of those pretty fingers into you. He immediately starts scissoring his fingers to stretch you out, before hooking them against that spot inside of you that makes your head spin. Your entire body is shaking with euphoria, so much that you can’t handle it.

“Close,” you cry out, trying to keep yourself upright. “Close, close, please, don’t stop!”

He moans into you again when you tug at his hair. It’s the push that you need to finally fall over the edge. You bite into your palm to keep from screaming as you gush all over him, chest heaving and eyes tearing up.

He keeps curling his fingers, keeps lapping at your clit, until you tug on his hair and cry that the overstimulation is too much. As he lets your leg down and stands up, he makes a show of licking your cum off his fingers, slurping on them loudly. It would make you embarrassed, but you’re too focused on his other hand as it dips down to his belt. The muscles of his stomach flex as he undoes the buckle. You take the opportunity to rake your eyes over his toned torso. He seems so slender when he’s dressed, but his shoulders are surprisingly broad.

He looks up at you with a little smirk. “Caught you staring,” he teases. You blush as he pulls his pants and boxers down in one go, freeing his cock. It’s already hard, and so pretty, just like him. His tip is red and dripping with precum. You want so badly to get a taste, but Koushi has other plans. He spins you by your shoulders, and then presses at the small of your back to make you lay across his desk.

You groan when you feel him slap his cock against your ass a few times, before running it through your folds to collect your wetness. “Please,” you gasp. “No teasing, please.”

“Just came, and you’re already needy?” he chuckles. “That husband of yours must really not be satisfying you.”

You’re spared from having to think of a retort by him sinking into you. A cry leaves your lips, but it’s too good for you to even care about the sound. He feels like heaven as he sinks into you. His cock stretches you out deliciously.

You’re already feeling delirious as he starts to shallowly thrust and work his way in. “Fuck, you’re tight,” he mutters under his breath, more to himself than to you. “So – fuck…”

You can’t do anything but moan and scratch at the table as he starts to fuck into you in earnest. His cock is perfectly curved to hit your spot every time, and soon you’re reduced to a mess underneath him. His balls slap against your ass with every thrust. It hurts, it’s all too much, but it’s so fucking good. You don’t think you’ve ever felt pleasure like this – mind numbing and all consuming, so powerful that it makes your eyes roll back.

“Fuck,” he groans again, bending down so that he can loom over you and leave little bites all over your back and shoulders. “Not gonna last if you keep squeezing me like that, shit!”

“Faster, please,” you beg, and he obliges. He sets an absolutely brutal pace, somehow managing to fuck you hard, fast, and at the perfect angle all at once. Moans and cries spill freely out of your open mouth. When he reaches forward to toy with your clit, it’s all too much, and it sends you over the edge again. Your body practically spasms as he fucks you through your second orgasm. He shows you no mercy, gives you no time to come down. You don’t know if you’re coming again, or if you just never stopped. Your mind is hazy with pleasure and overstimulation.

You’re a twitching mess by the time that he pulls out, but you still whine at the loss. You’re far too fucked out to turn around and look at him, but in the corner of your consciousness, you can hear him panting and stroking himself furiously. His moans are so beautiful. Within a few short seconds, he’s coming all over your ass, painting your pretty skin white with his seed.

You don’t know how long you’re laying there before he taps your cheek to get your attention. “C’mon now,” he says, a tired smile on his face. “Let’s get you cleaned up. We wouldn’t want your husband finding out, would we?”

[shiftingparadise]

ooh do u think u can do a modern aspiring classical(?) musicians eren & reader enemies to lovers, childhood lover, mutual pining but unknown to ea/o type story? (absolutely no rush tho😊) been competing against ea/o since kids, eren has a crush on reader & thinks teasing/picking at them is flirting💀 but also kinda sad cuz he knew he sorta already messed up his chances w reader from how he's "treated" them by accidentally one-upping them as kids most the time, so he keeps them close by teasing/bickering often just for any interaction. he does have a soft spot for reader but they get weirded out/confused(?) by his softness at times when eren's genuinely being nice instead of the usual teasing. maybe eren could get caught by reader playing his own lil rendition he made of all of reader's fav pieces into one that he was planning to keep to himself but know that u heard, u ask to play the whole thing & savor moment of u two alone unaware of how intimate the situation is, then confession✨ sry i always make up artistic/musical/ballet scenarios of person getting caught or oblivious to someone admiring their art😭🥺

Hi, I'm sorry you had to wait so long! I hope you like what I've done with it!:) Enjoy reading! 🤍✨

I really loved your request btw, it pushed me out of my comfort zone a little bit (so I'm really sorry if it's not that good) but I love being pushed out of my comfort zone, so thank you!

Word count 4.200

You’ve known Eren since you were kids. You ended up in the same music class after school, both playing the piano. For some reason, there was a fierce rivalry between the two of you. You both wanted to outdo the other, to make sure everyone knew who was better. To be honest, you didn’t know when it started exactly, but you could remember everything as if it happened yesterday. 

--- 

‘No, I’m way better than you! My mom got me a teacher ever since I was 5’, you looked at the brunette who was sitting next to you in your music class, ‘Watch and learn’, you could see a smug look appearing on his face. 

You and Eren had been in the same music class for over a year now. You both were on top of the class, and now it was time to decide who got the first solo. 

‘Miss Lucy, can I try?’, Eren quickly raised his hand, waving it in the air, ‘Of course Eren’, you could see the teacher kindly smiling at him. You narrowed your eyes, wishing Eren would make some kind of mistake. ‘Watch closely Y/N’, Eren cracked his fingers, smiling at you, ‘This is how it’s done’. You could see the brunette walking towards the piano, the smug smile never left his face. 

In the next following minutes, Eren played the complete solo with not a single mistake. You wanted that part more than anything, and you knew he knew that. He just wanted to outdo you, to be better than you. 

‘Wow, that was amazing Eren!’, Miss Lucy started clapping, smiling at your rival, ‘I can’t believe you’re only 10 when I hear you play. Your rhythm, the feeling you put behind it… It’s amazing!’, ‘That’s because you teach us so well Miss Lucy’, Eren smiled at his teacher before glancing at you, making sure you were hearing the conversation between the two. ‘Tch, kiss-ass’, you whispered under your breath while rolling your eyes. ‘Okay, so that’s it for today’s class, make sure to practice as much as you can! I’ll announce who gets the solo next week, oh, and don’t worry if you don’t get it! There’ll be plenty of chances in the future’, you could see her waving at everyone. 

You quickly grabbed your music sheets and put them in your backpack. 

‘Hm, I wonder who’ll get the solo’, you could see Eren standing in front of you, ‘Leave me alone Eren’, you stood up from your chair, brushing your shoulder against him. ‘What? Aren’t you happy for me?’, Eren’s hand grabbed your shoulder, ‘Don’t touch me!’, you turned around to him, ‘You knew how badly I wanted that solo’. ‘So?’, the brunette folded his arms, ‘I can’t help it that you’re not as good as me!’. 

‘Eren, Y/N, be nice to each other’, you could hear your mother’s voice, ‘Eren, is that true? Did you do that?’, you could see Eren’s mother looking sternly at him. ‘I-I did not!’, ‘Yes you did!’, you balled your hands, hoping your mother would intervene. ‘Don’t worry Y/N, you’ll get it next time’, your mother smiled before kindly placing her hand on the back of your head, ‘But mom! He doesn’t even care about the solo!’, you fiercely protested, but your mother raised her hand, as to say that she didn’t want to hear it. 

You looked over your shoulder at Eren. You could see his mom was angry with him, probably because he was screaming at her, like he always did. 

--- 

Another year passed, and it was once again time for the teacher to pick someone for the solo.

‘Hey’, ‘What?’, you sighed while entering the classroom, ‘Are you going to try and get the solo this year?’, ‘I’m not trying, I will get it this year’, you turned around to Eren, ‘I won’t let you take it from me!’, you narrowed your eyes. ‘Tch’, Eren started to laugh, ‘You can try all you want loser, I’m sure Miss Lucy will be over the moon once she hears me play’. You could feel Eren’s shoulder brushing yours, pushing you. You closed your eyes, trying your best not to throw your backpack against his head. 

‘So, who wants to try?’, Miss Lucy smiled while letting her gaze wander over her students, ‘I do! I do!’, you quickly raised your hand, hoping you got to go first, ‘Okay, go on Y/N, show us what you got’, Miss Lucy opened her arm towards the piano. ‘Yeah’, Eren smirked next to you, ‘Show us what you got loser’, ‘Shut up Eren’, you gritted through your teeth while grabbing your music sheets from your backpack. 

You felt nervous while walking to the piano. Not because you were afraid you were going to mess up but for some reason, you wanted to impress Eren. You wanted him to be jealous of your skills, no, you wanted him to admire you. 

You didn’t understand back then, you didn’t understand it because you were only 11, but now you know why you felt like that. 

‘I’ll show him’, you thought to yourself while sitting down on the piano chair. 

‘Good luck Y/N’, Miss Lucy sat down on her chair behind you. You took a deep breath while closing your eyes for a second, ‘Come on Y/N, you can do this’, you whispered to yourself before gently placing your hands on the keys of the piano. 

You started playing. You could feel every emotion of the song, it felt as if you were breathing it, as if you were the one who wrote it.

‘Amazing!’, you could hear Miss Lucy clapping from behind you, but you didn’t look at her, no, you let your gaze wander towards Eren. You could see him sitting with his eyes wide open, mouth slightly parted. When he noticed you were staring at him, he quickly folded his arms, looking towards the ground with frowned eyebrows. You couldn’t help but smirk, you knew he didn’t expect you to play this good. ‘So, do you want to try too Eren? After all, you two are at the top of the class’, Lucy smiled at him. 

You stood up from the piano chair, walking towards your seat. 

‘Good luck ‘Ren’, you whispered to him with a smug face, ‘Shut up loser’. 

‘Huh?’, you frowned your brows, looking confused at the brunette. For some reason, he made more mistakes than he’d ever done. Didn’t he practice? No, you knew him. You knew he’d been practicing, after all, he wanted nothing more than to outdo you. 

‘Okay everyone, that’s it for today’, Miss Lucy handed everyone new music sheets, ‘Practice this for next time. Oh, and I think it’s clear Y/N will get the solo’, she kindly smiled at you, ‘You’ve done a great job Y/N!’. 

Normally you would’ve jumped with joy, but not this time. You knew Eren had made those mistakes on purpose, you knew if he gave it his all he would’ve got the solo. Eren just had that ‘something’ when he sat behind the piano. It seemed as if he became fused with the instrument, as if he became one with it. Eren had that raw talent, the kind of talent you were just born with. You could practice all you want, but you would never be that talented.

‘Eren’, you quickly ran after him, grabbing his shoulder before he walked out of the door, ‘What loser?’, Eren rolled his eyes. ‘Why did you make those mistakes on purpose?’, you looked at his feet, not wanting him to mistake your words for gratitude. ‘I-i… I did not! W-why would you-‘, ‘Huh?’, you tilted your head. Eren normally never stuttered, and he certainly never blushed when you talked to him. ‘I didn’t make those on purpose!’, Eren smacked your hand from his shoulder, ‘Leave me alone loser’. You could see Eren quickly running towards his mom’s car, leaving you standing there. You never felt so confused in your entire life. 

 --- 

Years passed, and you were now almost 17. Over the years, nothing changed, not really anyway. Eren was still the same cocky boy who teased and made fun of you. The rivalry between you two was as strong as ever; but over the years, you grew to like him. Even though he teased you, even though he made your life difficult at times … You liked him. When he sat down behind the piano and the persona he created fell apart, when he let the music speak, when he became one with that piano… He intrigued you. Sure, Eren was handsome, but that’s not why you developed feelings for him. You fell in love because you knew that underneath his tough and mean exterior, there was more to him. There was this talented, complicated, kind boy. You knew that because (even if it only happened 1 or 2 times) he showed it to you. He showed you that he could be kind and caring.

‘Hey loser’, ‘What Eren’, you sighed while closing your locker, ‘Nothing, I was just wondering if you’d sign up for the Talent Show’. ‘Why would I? I’m sure you’re going to steal the show again, like you always do’, you rolled your eyes. ‘W-wait’, Eren widened his eyes, ‘Aren’t you going to sign up?’, you shook your head in response, looking up into his green eyes. You could see Eren was confused, ‘What’s wrong pretty boy? I thought you would like –‘, ‘It isn’t fun when I don’t get to compete with you’, Eren narrowed his eyes, looking away from you. ‘Well, Amy’s participating, she plays the violin pretty well. There’s your competition’, you gently pushed him away, walking towards your class. ‘W-wait’, you could feel his hand on your wrist. You immediately froze when you felt his fingers resting on your skin, causing goosebumps to appear on your entire arm. ‘You need to participate Y/N, otherwise, it isn’t fun’, you could see the brunette blushing while scratching the back of his neck. You couldn’t help but smile, ‘Fine, but don’t cry when I steal your thunder pretty boy’, you smirked at him before walking towards your class, ‘Don’t worry, you’re only a loser Y/N, always have been, and you always will be one’, Eren smirked from behind you. ‘Fuck you Ren’, you sighed without looking back at him, holding your middle finger up in the air. 

--- 

Another year passed, and you were now studying for your finals. You and Eren both applied for the same college. It’s not like you planned it, but you wanted to major in classical music, and when you heard Eren wanted the same thing, well… You kind of asked him where he wanted to go and based your decision on his. 

‘H-huh?’, you widened your eyes when you could see a note sticking on your locker: 

‘Good luck Y/N, even though I hate you, I don’t want you to fail – Ren’.

‘This can’t be from him’, you carefully took the note from your locker, inspecting every inch of it. ‘What?’, you could hear his voice coming from behind you, ‘It’s mine’, he chuckled while holding his hand behind his back. ‘Really?’, you raised an eyebrow, ‘I’m a loser, failing is what I do’, you shrugged your shoulders. ‘Shut up loser’, Eren was gently massaging the back of his neck, looking at his feet, ‘H-here’, he took his hand from behind his back ‘H-huh? A-are those for me?’, you pointed towards the flowers he was holding. ‘Of course dumbass’, Eren pushed the flowers on your chest, waiting for you to hold them, ‘Even though I hate you, I still want you to go to the same college as me… And not because I like you! Like I said… You’re a loser b-but.. Well, you’re my only competition so… Good look with your finals’, Eren gritted through his teeth. You could see that his cheeks were burning red. To be honest, you didn’t know what to say or what to do, you felt confused. ‘What? Do you want them or not?’, Eren widened his eyes, still pressing the flowers on your chest, ‘O-of course’, you quickly shook yourself out of the trance you were in, grabbing the flowers from the brunette, ‘T-thanks Ren’, you whispered while looking at the ground. ‘Don’t thank me, I’m only doing this for myself. I need you to pass, otherwise, I won’t have a reason to give everything I got’, ‘Yeah yeah, don’t ruin it Ren’, you smiled before walking away from him. You didn’t want him to see the smile on your face, to see how happy he made you. 

--- 

‘I don’t know Armin’, Eren sighed to the blonde whom he shared his dorm with, ‘I’m sure I’ve ruined every chance I got with Y/N’. Eren was laying down on his bed, looking at the ceiling. ‘Don’t say that’, the blonde boy responded, ‘She probably feels the same, I’ve seen the way she looks at you’. ‘No, I’ve always teased her, taking things away from her. I’ve been calling her a loser and dumbass my entire life… She hates me’, Eren placed both of his hand on his face, hating the way he acted towards you, ‘You should see her behind that piano Armin… She’s so fucking beautiful, so smart, so kind… I don’t know why I’ve always treated her like that’. ‘You know her better than anyone, right?’, Armin sat up straight, worried about his depressed roommate, ‘Probably’, Eren turned his head while looking through his fingers at the blonde. ‘Why don’t you write a composition of all of her favorite songs? You can play it for her when you’re done, or you can record it and give it to he-‘, ‘No, are you crazy? I would look like a fool!’, Eren sat up straight, frowning at his roommate. ‘Eren, believe me’, Armin smiled at Eren, ‘Girls really like things like that’, ‘Whatever Armin’, Eren stood up, ‘I’m getting coffee, want anything?’. 

At first, Eren hated Armin’s idea, but the longer he thought about it, the more sense it made. I mean, it would show you how much he cared about you, how much attention he paid to the things you said, or even didn’t say. It would show you how much you meant to him. So for the next month or so, Eren worked on a piece for you, but somehow it felt like he couldn’t play the piano anymore. Nothing was good enough for you. The piece had to be perfect, he didn’t want to miss a single beat, a single note, he needed it to be perfect, like you. 

--- 

‘Hey loser’, you could feel Eren’s hand on your shoulder, ‘Want to hang out after Music History?’, ‘No’, you said coldly, ‘W-why not?’, Eren tilted his head. ‘Because I’m going on a date’, you looked at him with a sparkle in your eyes. 

Eren could feel his heart aching, his stomach turning. 

‘A-a date?’, Eren chuckled, ‘You? I wonder who would want to go out with a loser like you’, ‘Eren really? We’re almost 20 years old… How long are you going to bully me’, you sighed while lowering your eyes, ‘I know we’ve been doing this since we were kids but… You’re the only one who really knows me… Please just… Just leave me alone if you can’t say anything nice’, you turned your back towards him, not waiting for a response. 

You were tired of his bullying, you were tired of being insecure, of loving someone who didn’t love you back. 

‘Hey Y/N!’, Eren could see a boy calling out your name, ‘Ready for our date tonight?’. ‘N-no way’, Eren widened his eyes, balling his fists, ‘What the hell is Jean doing with her? Out of all the boys, she picks that jerk, the one who sleeps with every girl on campus’. ‘Of course, Jean, can’t wait’, Eren could see you smiling at him, wanting nothing more than for you to look at him as you did at Jean. 

---

‘No, I’m not going to play it for her now’, Eren sighed to Armin, ‘She’s happy with fucking Jean’, ‘Maybe if you-‘, ‘No Armin, shit’, Eren grunted out, ‘I’m never going to play it for her, it’s obvious she doesn’t like me. She told me to keep away from her if I…’, Eren paused, he could hear his voice breaking. ‘I’m going for a walk’, Eren sighed while walking out of the room he and Armin shared. ‘Eren wait –‘, but Eren already slammed the door behind him. 

--- 

A couple of months passed, and you and Jean were dating. Honestly, it felt like it was going great. You were happy with Jean. 

‘Y/N, have you heard?’, you could hear Sasha running towards you, ‘What?’, you smiled at your friend. ‘Well…’, she was nervously scratching her shoulder, ‘J-jean… H-he.. Here, look’, Sasha held out her phone, ‘I thought you should know...’. 

It felt as if your heart was shattered into a million pieces. Sasha was showing you a video of your boyfriend, he was kissing some girl at a party, and his hands were moving across her body, feeling every inch of it. 

‘Y/N?’, Sasha whispered to you, noticing the tears in your eyes, ‘I-I’m so sorry… I just… I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else.. You know, since I’m your best friend. I thought-‘, ‘No it’s fine Sasha’, you forced a smile on your face, ‘I have class, I’ll see you tonight, okay?’, you blurted out, trying to hold back your tears. ‘Y/N, wait!’, you could hear her calling out for you, but you didn’t turn around, you wanted to be left alone. 

You almost ran towards your room, hoping your roommate wouldn’t be there. You really needed to be alone right now. 

‘Y/N?’, you could hear Eren’s voice while opening your door, ‘What’s wrong? I can see you’re going to cry’. ‘N-nothing’s wrong’, you tried to keep your hands steady, wanting nothing more than to open the door of your room, but for some reason, you couldn’t find the right key. ‘Shit’, you grunted when you dropped the keys, quickly picking them up. ‘Here’, you could hear Eren’s soft voice, 

You noticed he wanted to pick up the keys at the same time as you did, causing you to bump your head against his.  

 ‘S-shit I’m sorry’, you grunted out while placing your hand against your forehead, ‘N-no I’m sorry’, Eren quickly helped you up, ‘Y/N what’s wrong? I can see something’s wrong’, his green eyes were looking worried into yours. ‘I-it’s nothing, I just saw a video of Jean kissing another girl’, you pressed your lips together, trying to ignore the singing sensation in your eyes. 

‘Stay calm Eren, don’t say or do anything stupid, even though you want nothing more than to punch Jean. Try to stay calm’, Eren thought to himself, trying to ignore the adrenaline that was pumping through his veins. 

‘Jean’s a low-life Y/N, don’t worry about a guy like him’, Eren replied coldly. ‘Really Eren?’, you sighed with tears in your eyes, ‘That’s all you got to say?’, ‘What do you want me to say Y/N? You’re the one who dated someone like him! You’re the one who decided to date the guy who’s fucked every girl on campus’. 

You widened your eyes, trying to grasp what Eren just said. 

‘So it’s my fault? That’s what you’re saying, right?’, ‘Well, it’s not my fault’, Eren replied, his voice was shaking. ‘I can’t believe I expected you to be nice for once’, you chuckled while shaking your head towards the ground, ‘You know what Eren? Fuck you, I don’t want to see you again. You’re nothing to me’, you could feel your hands shaking. ‘Y/N-‘, Eren widened his eyes, hating himself for not having any control over his emotions. ‘No, I’m serious Eren, stay away from me. You’ve never said anything nice to me, not once. I’ve known you for almost 10 years!’, you pushed him before quickly opening the door to your dorm, ‘Next time you see me, don’t bother to say anything to me. I don’t want to hear your ‘Hey Loser’ or I swear to God’, you looked at your shaking hands, closing your eyes before entering your dorm, hoping he got the message. 

--- 

You couldn’t sleep that night, so you decided to go to the music room. You knew it would be empty now, and you could really use some distraction. After all, playing the piano was always a coping mechanism for you. You could let out all of your emotions, all of your anger, sadness, frustration… 

‘W-wait’, you smiled when you heard someone playing Nuvole Bianche from Ludovico Einaudi, your favorite musician, ‘W-who’s playing the piano right now? It’s 4 in the morning’, you frowned while walking towards the classroom. 

‘W-what? That’s Moonlight Sonata from Beethoven’, you stopped walking, wondering which song would play after the next transition. 

Whoever was playing didn’t just play the original versions of the songs, no, they made it their own. You couldn’t help but notice it would be how Eren would play them. They were edgier, less ‘fragile’. Eren always did that to songs. 

‘No way’, you smiled when you heard your favorite song after the Moonlight Sonate, ‘T-that’s Gymnopédie No.1’, you started running towards the room. You needed to know who was playing. 

‘N-no’, you whispered to yourself when you could see the familiar face behind the piano. You were right, it was Eren. But why was he playing all of your favorite songs? It’s not like he knew that they were your favorite, right? You never told him anything like that… You decided to wait for him to stop playing, you wanted to hear more. Your heart was racing at the sight of him. He looked so perfect, so sweet, so kind… The way he touched the keys of the piano during Gymnopédie… As if he was grazing the keys, as if he was caressing them. It hypnotized you. 

‘Shit’, you whispered when you dropped your phone to the ground.  You quickly stood up from one of the chairs, embarrassed when you could see him looking at you. He must think you were some kind of stalker, fearing he was even going to bully you even more. ‘Y-Y/N?’, Eren quickly stood up from the piano, ‘P-please don’t stop’, you whispered, 'I-it was beautiful'. 'W-why are you here?', his voice sounded different from usual, maybe because he was tired. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt, but y-you were playing my favorite songs’, you looked at the ground, ‘I’m sorry Ren, goodnight’, you walked towards the door. ‘I knew they were your favorites’, Eren’s voice was now shaking, ‘T-that’s why I played them’. ‘H-huh?’, you looked over your shoulder at him, you could see his eyes were hanging low, letting them wander across the keys. ‘I knew they were your favorites because… because I know you’, Eren walked towards you while scratching the back of his head. ‘I know you know me’, you whispered while turning back around, ‘But I never told you they were my favorites’. ‘N-no but… You always carried a copy of them with you… and I noticed you were always practicing them, trying to make them your own’, Eren softly grabbed your wrist, ‘I know that you struggle with the sharp notes in Gymnopédie, just like I know you struggle with the flats in the songs of Debussy’. ‘W-wait’, you turned around at him, trying to keep your voice steady, ‘H-how do you know?’. ‘I watch you play… At night, when you can’t sleep’, you could see he felt embarrassed. 

Unable to speak, you just looked at him, wondering why he would do something like that. 

‘I know it sounds wrong, but I can’t keep my eyes off you Y/N… I like you, I’ve always liked you. The only reason I called you names and teased you was because I like you and I…’, you could see him doubting for a second, ‘I love you Y/N, ever since we were kids. I don’t know why I acted the way I did, probably because I wanted to keep you close without you noticing that I liked you, but-‘. 

You didn’t let him finish. He told you all you needed to know. Eren cared about you, just like you cared about him. You swung your arms around him, pressing your lips against his. 

‘I told you… You’re the loser’, you whispered in between kisses, ‘W-what?’, Eren looked confused at you. ‘You confessed first’, you smirked at him, ‘So you’re the loser’. ‘I can’t believe you’re making a competition out of this’, Eren chuckled while pulling you closer again, ‘Fine, you win. I don’t mind if that means you’re mine’. 

[spencersawkward]

hi i love your writing sm, could u do something w having sex w mgg in his trailer🦋

oh yes i can most definitely do that. i just did a blurb that included something similar but i have a whole other fantasy for this one that i think would be so hot. this is just like filthy smut i might have done a lil too much lol.

summary: reader goes to visit her friend, Matthew, on set. when he catches her doing something dirty in his trailer, he offers to help.

word count: 4.2k

relationship: Fem!Reader/Matthew

content warnings: unprotected penetrative sex, creampie, masturbation, dirty talk, face-sitting, degradation, Cocky Matthew, some semi-exhibitionism.

masterlist

my toes curl over the sheets and I let out a dissatisfied groan as I throw the abandoned vibrator onto the side table. ever since flying home from visiting friends in New York, I’ve been absolutely, embarrassingly... horny.

usually, my trusty toy is able to work wonders; this week has been rough, though. maybe it’s something to do with my stress-levels or maybe my body just doesn’t feel like cooperating. it doesn’t help that I have about an hour before I’m scheduled to visit my friend on the set of his show.

I haven’t seen Matthew in almost a year. between his shooting schedule and my own job getting more demanding, spending time together really hasn’t been possible. I miss his laugh and the way our conversations always flow so easily. whenever we hang out, it’s like we pick up right where we left off. and now, as I give up on trying to get one off before seeing him, I start to wonder what to expect. a tour? meeting his castmates?

to be completely honest, I don’t really want to do any of that. I’m sure they’re all very nice people and we’d have a good time, but the last week in the city was so full of group interactions that I’m really hoping to sit across from each other and just... talk.

there’s no point in speculating, though. instead, I glance over at my disappointing toy and sigh. maybe next time.

when I get there, Matthew texts me to wait for him so he can bring me to his trailer. everyone is bustling around, moving according to their own chaotic schedules. a couple golf carts occasionally roll through the space, toting actors and other personnel. it’d be overwhelming for anyone who isn’t used to it.

“Y/N!” Matthew’s voice cuts across the din of the set as he waves. he’s leaning out of the side of a golf cart that he’s driving, which makes me nervous as he pulls up to me. I raise my eyebrows in surprise as he stops the cart and hops out to wrap me in a hug.

he smells good, like expensive cologne and cool air. as he withdraws, he sets his hands on my shoulders and grins at me.

“you look great! how are you?” as usual, he’s talkative. I smile back, though, and take in his appearance. he’s always been handsome, but right now Matthew is looking especially good: the breeze has swept his curls, he’s got on a colorful button-up short-sleeve with parakeets on it, and there’s some stubble growing on his face that’s new. he looks older, more mature.

kind of sexy.

“I’m really well. cool ride you’ve got.” I nod to the golf cart and Matthew laughs.

“you wanna know a secret?” he smirks. I raise my eyebrows and he leans down a little to reach my height. “I’m not supposed to drive that.”

“how’d you get it?” I frown. knowing him, he probably managed to charm his way around the rules, but I’m sure there’s a funny story behind it as well. he’s full of weird anecdotes.

“one of my cast mates distracted the guy who runs the warehouse where they keep them.” he winks, then gestures for me to follow him. I slide into the passenger seat and before I can really process what’s happening, he’s swerving in a wide circle and speeding off.

“I’ve been meaning to call you,” he practically yells over the sound of the motor. “but I know you’ve been busy.”

“yeah, I actually just started writing for this new show.”

“you’re downtown, then?” he glances over with a smile and then we’re slowing to a stop. an enormous trailer sits among rows of other enormous trailers, presumably for his cast mates. he turns off the cart and turns his body to face me while I talk. zeroes in on me in a way that makes my stomach flip.

“for right now, yeah.” I can’t help the smile. it’s been a while since I’ve worked in Los Angeles; I was working as a writer on one of Matthew’s independent films when I got an offer in New York and decided to relocate. and even though it was amazing there, I missed California sunshine and I missed him. we were inseparable before I left.

“so, what I’m hearing is that you’re now legally bound to hang out with me.” he grins in that dazzling way of his. I laugh and nod, climbing out when he does. he opens the trailer door for me. “I have to go back to work in about twenty minutes, but afterwards I wanna take you to dinner.”

“oh, I could have come later. I’m sorry.” I turn to apologize, but he’s quick to wave it off.

“it’s fine. as long as you don’t mind spending an hour in here, it shouldn’t be too torturous.”

I peer around the space, noticing the little ways in which Matthew has made this place his own: aside from all the complimentary gift baskets and notes, the trailer is occupied by strange trinkets that he’s collected, random books and notebooks that scatter the couch and what looks like an attempt at a desk.

“wow.” I say. he sidles up next to me, sighing and realizing that it’s a bit cluttered.

“sorry about the mess. I haven’t really had time to clean up.”

“no, no, I meant ‘wow’ in a good way.” I walk over to the couch and sit down, patting the spot next to me. he smiles, pushes an acting theory book out of the way, and sinks into the cushions a safe distance from me.

“tell me about this job, then.” he immediately starts. I shrug.

“it’s nothing huge, just a teen drama. everyone I work with is brilliant, though.”

“that’s amazing. have you had a chance to work on your art?”

I think back to all the times when Matthew and I would spend free afternoons doing doodle competitions of the crew, usually on random scripts. they were judged by other cast mates, anyone who would take the time to look. I don’t think I was supposed to be on set as much as I was, but it was worth it.

“I wish. my schedule is so busy now, I barely have time to make dinner for myself.” I laugh. he leans back into the corner of the couch, resting his arm on top of the back. I pull one leg beneath me and mirror his actions.

“that’s too bad. I was looking forward to seeing some new stuff.”

“I don’t think any of my co-workers would particularly enjoy the representations I do of them.”

“sour sports.” he says. the strangeness and vehemence of the sentiment makes me snort and I glance at the notebooks around the room.

“how about you? any new masterpieces?”

we go on like this for a while, just catching up and slipping into our inside jokes and memories as if they aren’t from a different time in our lives. although I was excited to see him today, there was a lingering nervousness about it going as planned. sometimes you try to reconnect and the spark is just... gone. but Matthew is still Matthew, and I’m still me.

he ends up leaving to go shoot sooner than I can believe, time passing quickly, and tells me to feel free to read any of his books or look through his sketchbooks. he never hides anything, and it’s admirable.

once he’s gone, I settle onto the couch with a used Ray Bradbury anthology that I found beneath a bag of sour candies and start to read.

my mind wanders, however, as I try to concentrate on the page. I think about how Matthew looks now, how the stubble makes his jaw even more defined. those wide, hazel eyes that always seem to glitter with enthusiasm. I don’t know if I’m still frustrated from the unsuccessful session with my vibrator earlier, but the thoughts begin to turn over in my mind and mingle with other ones.

there were moments with him that I remember, quiet ones where we’d be about to say goodnight or moments where he’d fall asleep on my shoulder in my apartment, where I’d look at him and consider the possibility. we get on so well, and he’s arguably one of my best friends. distance hasn’t changed that. there are things I would tell him that I haven’t told my other friends.

and when he’d brush against my skin, or grab my arm to get my attention, and my imagination would run wild. heated kisses and closed doors. finding the way to my bed in the dark, his hands on my waist while he crawls on top of me. things that never happened but that I imagined as if they were real memories seared into my mind.

and now, sitting in this trailer with this book and on this couch that smells like him, those feelings return like something lost, then found: rushing, feverish, overpowering. the images come in a flux, his weight on top of mine and his teeth dragging over my tits. on this couch, that’s all I want.

there’s a blush on my cheeks as I drop the book on the floor and undo the button on my pants. it won’t take me long; I can feel how wet I’m getting and I haven’t even thought that much about it. the pent-up excitement from earlier will overtake my senses. he said I have an hour, and this might take ten minutes tops.

as my fingertips brush over my panties, I close my eyes and imagine they’re his. curious, gentle, teasing before reaching below the waistband and cupping me. I whimper, starting to trace over the wet folds of my entrance with an eager hand. it feels good, right, and the heat of my body tells me that this time, it’ll work. my head is full of thoughts of him, and I dip a finger in, clenching around the digits. the heel of my palm presses into my clit and I moan, starting to work myself.

I imagine Matthew coming in here after he’s done and kissing me like he’s wasted enough time waiting; like he can’t wait another second to be with me. my pace quickens at the memory of his hands, veined and strong and sure, pumping into me. taunting me.

“Matthew...” I whine, removing my fingers to circle my clit with a hurried pressure. every second burns across my skin, reminding me that what I’m doing is wrong. I shouldn’t be touching myself in his trailer while he works, especially not when he’s coming back soon.

but it’s hot, too, and the rhythm I create is impossible to resist. I switch between fingering and toying with my bundle of nerves while clenching my free hand in the couch cushion. my eyes are squeezed shut as I get closer to orgasm, the knot in my stomach tightening with every moment.

“o-oh my god,” I hum. “Matthew--”

the sharp intake of breath makes my entire body freeze. my eyes fly open to see the bastard himself standing there, lips parted. he can’t seem to figure out where to look: my face, which was just contorted in pleasure while I moaned his name, or my pussy, which is almost completely on display now that I’ve managed to push my jeans down to my knees.

“oh my god.” I stutter, immediately removing my hand and sitting up. my cheeks are on fire and everything around me seems surreal. this can’t be real. “y-you weren’t supposed to be back for an hour.” I say stupidly. shit ton of luck that hour did me.

“we, uh, wrapped early.” he averts his eyes, then glances cautiously at my face. “I promise I walked in here before I knew. I never meant--”

“no, it’s fine.” I pull up my jeans, still too shocked to make any sweeping movements. he doesn’t seem quite sure what to do with himself, and I speak to break the silence. “sorry, I know I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I wonder what you’d have done with an actual hour.” he says it like he’s attempting to lighten the mood, then winces as he realizes that he shouldn’t have said that. “sorry, bad joke. I’m just-- surprised.”

“Matthew, I’m so sorry--” I start. there’s literally no other direction to take this conversation. I feel like I’ve ruined our friendship within the span of a few seconds.

“were you saying my name?” he asks, eyebrows slightly raised. I would like to sink into the floor and never come up again, I think.

“well, the thing is--” I take a deep breath. “I don’t normally, um... do that in people’s trailers?” my frown makes him smile a little as he relaxes. now that I’m fully clothed, he doesn’t seem so daunted. I scoot up on the couch and glance between the open spot and him to get him to sit. standing only makes it weirder.

he obliges, watching me pull my knees into my chest before I start to explain. guilt is building in my chest now, so much more real after being caught.

“I don’t wanna make this even more awkward than it is, but I feel like I should make it clear that there’s a reason why I was doing it in here and I’m not some freak who, like, contaminates people’s space. like, I was just gonna be super quick about it and be done because-- and now I’m justifying it, which is even worse--”

“hey, Y/N, relax.” Matthew reaches out and touches my wrist, his fingers soft as they pull my attention to his. when I finally muster the courage to look him in the eyes, he’s got a small smile on his face. “I’m not mad or anything.”

“okay.” I sigh, spine going a little less rigid.

“you were moaning my name, though, right?” he smirks. my eyes widen.

“don’t get too cocky,” I try to play it off. “I haven’t been able to get off for the past few days and I only tried it to see if it would work.”

“looks like it did.” he glances between my flushed cheeks and the hand that was playing with myself, which is now sitting on my jeans. how is he being so fucking smooth right now?

“whatever.” I turn my face away, knowing that anything else would be damning.

“are you still... frustrated?” he asks. his voice is low. my face snaps up, jaw dropping. one of his hands is covering the crotch of his jeans, trying to hide something.

“why?”

“I can help you out. only if you want to, of course.” he says this in complete seriousness. my gaze passes over his features once again to make sure I’m not absolutely dreaming. every line in his face, the intensity of those pretty irises, feels too real to be fake.

“like...” I think about his hands, about what he’s offering. it’s heavier than just sex, but also maybe not. it doesn’t have to be; we’re adults. our friendship wouldn’t be shattered by one encounter.

“like I’ll eat you out right now and fuck you until you can’t take it anymore.” we’ve moved closer on the couch, our faces inches apart while he says it so quietly that I wouldn’t hear it otherwise. the way he licks his lips, stares at me, tells me that we’ve already passed the point of no return. there’s no use in holding back anymore.

“mhmm.” I nod. if I say anything more, I’ll reveal more than he wants to know. that I’ve wanted this for a while, even though I tried to forget the way he makes me feel.

“come here, then.” he beckons me forward and I impatiently crash my lips to his. he responds immediately, threading his fingers through my hair and pulling me to him. he’s greedy, but not in a way that overwhelms. like he’s trying to enjoy the moment. his nose brushes my cheek when he deepens the kiss, my hands looping around his neck. he begins to bite on my lower lip, tugging to get me to moan. I let him explore me, those features that he’s seen so many times but has never touched.

we’re hopeful in our embrace, and my mind feels like spring and how I imagine the earth feels when it’s in full bloom. excitement in my veins as we get more heated. when his fingers unbutton my jeans, he pulls away to take a moment.

“sit on my face.” he breathes out, feverish. I nod, getting up to shrug off my jeans. he watches, licking his lips when I pull down my panties and step out of them, then take off my top and bra. he leans back as if to sink down onto the couch for me, but I shake my head.

“take off your clothes first.” I tell him.

“you wanna see me naked?” he knows the truth, but wants me to say it. the smirk on his face makes me annoyingly aroused. I just start to go for the buttons on his shirt.

“yeah, I wanna see you naked.” I reply. this makes him grin and he helps me out by working on his jeans. we strip him down and then we’re both there, looking at each other.

“c’mere, beautiful.” he grabs my hip and pulls me closer until I get on the couch and position myself. he lies down flat, gesturing for me to scoot up his chest until my core is right above his face. “perfect.”

I’m about to poke a little fun at him for being so confident when he reaches up, wraps his hands around my thighs, and pulls me down against his face.

I yelp, overwhelmed by how he moans against my heat and starts to eat me out. his tongue moves expertly, lapping at the wetness that’s gathered between my legs before teasing my entrance. I release a series of noises that are downright sinful, but the red marks he’s leaving in my thighs tell me he’s loving my reaction. his nose brushes against my clit and I start to roll my hips against his face, falling apart already as he switches between sucking, licking, and sliding his tongue inside me. I grip onto his hair, mumbling like a prayer.

he takes the opportunity to quickly slap my ass before returning to my thighs, burying his face and working with a divine acuity. I can’t believe how good it feels, throwing my head back and arching my spine while I hold my tits. Matthew moves my hand and massages one while he stares up into my eyes, lust evident in every sound and motion.

“Matthew, please--” I gasp. “don’t stop.”

he groans, running his nails down my stomach while I ride his face. I’m needy for him, only uttering his name and more pleas for his tongue. and the sensation of him holding me down like he can’t get enough makes the knot from earlier return easily. I lean back a little, swirl my hips, and then it comes like a white-hot wave.

“oh my god—“ I can barely get it out, moving with abandon. “it’s so fucking good.”

he lets my body slow to a reasonable pace, drawing out the high until I’m swallowing all the air I can get and pull myself away from him. Matthew’s grinning, mouth glistening while he sits up a bit.

“such a wet little pussy.” he tells me, licking his lips. I’m pretty much resting on his chest and I start to move off of him when he quickly straightens himself, wraps his arms around my waist, and pushes me so I’m laying on my back at the other end of the couch with him leaning over me.

I brush his curls out of his face, appreciating the hunger in his face. he craves more of me, and the erection he’s pressing into my inner thigh is proof. I look up at him.

“you’re good.” I concede. he shrugs, smiles. butterflies.

“I just think about it a lot.” the response is simple, but it’s the right one. I blush and he grabs his dick, pumping it a few times before lining it up at my entrance. I search his eyes, those widened pupils, as he shoves into me.

“shit.” he moans, jaw dropping once he’s reaching the hilt. “give it to me, baby.” I can feel him deep inside, cock twitching against my walls as he settles. one of his arms is over me, supporting himself on the arm of the couch, while the other holds my waist.

I don’t speak, only bite down on my lip and whimper through the initial shocks of him. it isn’t until he pulls out that I get more vocal. he starts to roll his hips, never breaking eye contact while I arch my back and moan.

“harder.” I whisper. he tightens his grip on me and slams himself inside. my body instinctively moves up away from the pressure, but he brings me right back down.

“is this what you were thinking about?” he breathes out. “me fucking you like a slut?”

I nod urgently, but he uses an index finger to tilt my face back to his.

“tell me who you belong to, little slut.” his tone is low, laced with lust when he bites his lip and watches my reactions to his cock.

“you.” I whine quietly, grabbing his shoulders for stability while he plows into me.

“louder, sweetheart. you were plenty sure before.” he mocks, pausing after to moan in my ear like he’s absolutely losing it. he roughly tugs me further against him and the sensation makes me cry out.

“y-you-- fuck!”

“c’mon, baby.” he pants. we’re definitely rocking this trailer with the way he’s ramming my body right now. I can feel him like he’s in my ribs.  

“Matthew, oh god--”

“show me how you cum, Y/N. lemme see you fucking break.” the final word is punctuated by him bottoming-out within me, his noises their own stimulation to my senses. I’m trying to breathe but it’s so hard with all the thoughts firing in my brain. he doesn’t go easy on me.

“I’m cumming.” my hips jerk up into his, pussy fluttering like it’s trying to push him out. but the tension only makes him thrust harder, further, chasing his own release as I claw at his back and squeeze my legs around his torso.

“can I fill that tight little cunt up, baby?” he moans into my ear, our bodies like undulating waves. I nod and buck against him, which drives him mad as his thrusts get sloppier. we’re filthy together and it’s otherworldly. “good girl.”

he lets out a whimpering sound while he stills inside my body and cums. I feel him twitching, shooting his load into me. I’m writhing while I clench around him, both of us falling apart. for all his cockiness, he’s lovely when he’s orgasming-- mouth open, eyes rolling back into his head before focusing intently on my face, a sheen of sweat that glows on his cheekbones.

when he finally withdraws, leaving me naked and panting on his couch, his eyes run over my body appreciatively.

“that help?” he smirks as he straightens. I glare at him, kneeing him in the ribs, and he leans down to kiss my cheek, giving me a tender look. “I’m joking. are you okay?”

“more than okay.” I smile. he doesn’t say anything for a moment, closing and opening his mouth as if debating whether or not to say something else.

“you’re really beautiful, you know that?”

“thanks.” as if this man hasn’t already fucked me senseless, I blush, look away shyly. he grabs my clothes from the floor and hands them to me.

“do you want some water?” he’s worried about giving me space. there’s a question lingering between us that I’m afraid to ask, especially now that he hasn’t. Matthew has always been the more bold between the two of us.

“uh, sure.” if it means he takes his eyes off me long enough for me to regain my bearings, yes. I watch him pull on the rest of his clothes before standing and going over to his mini-fridge. I’ll need to clean up soon.

“so...” his voice is measured, hazel eyes slipping over my form.

“so.”

“dinner? and then breakfast?” he suggests. my eyebrows raise at the second question, one that he hasn’t mentioned until now. the implication makes me laugh.

“you think you’re getting this again?” I try to act nonchalant, as if I’m not already imagining it.

“oh, wait--” he frowns, hesitates. “that’s not what I meant.”

“what did you mean?” there’s a grin taking over my face, hopeful as I await his response. I guess we’re about to answer that question after all.

“I wanna finally take you on a date.” he smiles softly, surprisingly shy. I don’t even hesitate to answer.

“I’m in.”

[bunnieplvshie]

the raid-- where it all started

request: A meet cute with Sapnap where he raids your channel after he closes up his stream, and you don’t know who Sapnap is while ur chat is freaking out and Sapnap is still kinda huffy about it in his call with Dream and George? Maybe even to the point that he’d set up a time for you two to stream together, just so he could show off his Minecraft skills and make sure u remembered him? I crave Sapnap in denial about his feelings, dude-

you rubbed your eyes, they were burning due to the fact that you’ve been streaming for upwards of four hours at this point. “okay chat, i’m getting pretty tired, i might end the stream in about an hour,” you said, fatigue lacing your voice. 

your eyes scanned the chat for their replies; some were happy you were finally about to get some sleep, others were begging you to stay on for a bit longer than what you had told them. “i know, i know, my streams are pretty cool but at this point i’ve been on for a bit too long. just for you guys, i’ll stay for just an hour and a half, that’s the best i can do.” 

you unpaused the minecraft screen, continuing the build onto your farm and gathering supplies for your next build. all of a sudden, you begin to see that there is a spike in subscribers and viewers- a raid, you knew one when you saw it. “thank you to whoever sent that! it seriously means a lot,” you exclaimed, showing your gratitude to the chat. 

a donation rolled onto your screen as your computer started to chant the message from some strange name- sapnap? “i like your game play, thought you deserved the few extra subscriptions.” 

“that’s a strange name, cute. but thank you sapnap, it means a lot!” 

your chat was going nuts, freaking out that this person had raided your channel. many were saying that they can’t believe sapnap raided you, others were starstruck that THE sapnap was actively watching your channel. 

one chat caught your eye specifically, the one asking if you even knew who the mysterious user was. “no, i can’t say i’ve ever heard of a sapnap, im sorry,” you said as you were googling his name- oh, a fellow minecraft streamer, one who apparently had a lot of traffic on twitch and youtube, as well as other social media platforms. 

another donation from him came in. “do you seriously not know who i am,” it read. “no, sapnap, i’m sorry! but i seriously thank you for the raid,” you laughed, that must’ve gotten under his skin. you decided to go over to twitter, following him. “okay sapnap, i followed you on twitter, i hope that makes up for my confusion.” 

the chat was crazier than usual, you couldn’t even read it at this point because so many messages were rolling in, coincidentally all about this sapnap. once your phone let off an annoying bell sound, you looked down and realized that sapnap had followed you back- not only that, but he also sent you a message. you clicked on the discord link that he gave you, automatically going to the voice chat tab. 

“do you seriously not know who i am? your whole chat knows me but you don't,” the man behind the screen let out a somewhat humorous grunt indicating that he wasn’t genuinely mad, he was more amused. “listen, i don’t really watch other streamers, i just stream myself and hope that’s enough,” you said, laughing along as you heard him giggle from the other side. “well, join a server with me, let me show you what you’re missing,” he said. 

automatically, another user under the name of dream unmuted himself. he sounded as if he was screaming and laughing at the same time. “nick, please for the love of god stop simping over every single woman who gives you the slightest bit of attention,” dream said, while sapnap was yelling at him to shut up and re-mute himself. 

(time skip) 

after about an hour of playing with nick, both of your chats absolutely freaking out, you figured it was about time to hop off and get to bed. “okay sapnap, you proved me wrong, you’re actually better than i expected.” he laughed, “i figured i’d show you up at some point, but i agree, you probably need to get some rest, but tomorrow we’re streaming together again, there’s no way out of it.” 

you both said some quick goodbyes before disconnecting from the discord, watching as your chat still kept rolling in. everyone was absolutely in awe that you got the chance to play with sapnap but they were even more excited that there would obviously be another stream with the new duo tomorrow. you waved, telling the chat that you would be on tomorrow at the same time, and to turn your notifications on. and with that, you were off the stream, getting ready for bed. 

throughout the whole night there was no sleep. instead, you and nick texted each other back and forth, enjoying each other’s companies and aweing over the similarities you both had. you had to give it to twitter, the fan art had already been trending, they work fast. everyone on both platforms were excited that their favorite streamers were coming together finally. 

you felt content, as well did nick, and from that point on you were implemented into the dream smp and everyone knew that you and nick were the ultimate duo- there was no getting in between that bond. 

author’s note: okay so i will be releasing a part two where i will be showcasing nick’s point of view into this story instead of just the readers. i’ll be going into more detail of the “nick’s in denial of his feelings” part and will be extending it to where they inevitably end up dating or something. stay tuned and thank you for the support! 

[ginger-canary]

Let’s Talk About the Orb

852 words

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Dimension 20 (Web Series), Fantasy High

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Ayda Aguefort & Kristen Applebees, Adaine Abernant & Ayda Aguefort, Kristen Applebees/Tracker O'Shaughnessey (minor)

Characters: Ayda Aguefort, Kristen Applebees, Adaine Abernant, Fig Faeth (minor), Gorgug Thistlespring (minor), Tracker O'Shaughnessey

Additional Tags: famous au, where the twist is we're not doing it the easy way, u think research can't get u anywhere think again everyone knows darwin, D20bingo

Summary:

Ayda's a famous researcher. Kristen's the prophet of Cassandra. Adaine's the oracle. You'd think that means they get to decide what they do because they have a lot of power, right? Sike. Please enjoy this little story about them escaping an elitist event to go hang in a cafe.

AO3 link here or use the read more down below. For the @dimension20bingo slot: famous AU.

There were many things Ayda Aguefort found fascinating. The effect of caffeine on different species. Why some spell components are more powerful than others. What the effect of heat is on specific plants. The list went on and on. But she didn’t care for small talk.

Now, she fully understood that in order to keep getting funding she had to keep presenting her findings to those who had gold coins to burn. That part was fine, she enjoyed standing in front of her holograms, confident in her full understanding of the subject. But the parties afterwards? Not so much. 

After a few of those ridiculous parties full of small foods, elitist humanoids, and objectively ugly priceless art- Ayda made a friend. Or more, Kristen decided she was her friend. 

Kristen Applebees, the first prophet of Cassandra, spoke regularly at these events. With her goddex at her beck and call, the elite could not deny the existence of this forgotten god. So instead they made sure she stuck with them. Kristen knew, though. She went to the events, ate all the tiny food she wanted, and spoke to everyone who seemed a little miserable. 

Ayda had never seen anyone look as miserable as Adaine Abernant, the Oracle. 

Kristen and Ayda had just been heading toward a plate filled with miniature tacos when they spotted some blonde hair peeking out from the top of a fern. 

“Oh I gotta know what that’s about.” Kristen made a sharp turn towards the fern as Ayda Mage-handed some tacos. Might as well achieve both goals. 

“Hi.” Kristen said to the fern. “Are you okay?” 

The fern wiggled and an elf around Kristen’s age stepped out from behind it. Her hair had a few leaves sticking out and she grimaced. “Hello. Some of my parents’ friends are here. I despise them and they will endanger me if they spot me.”

“Endanger you?” Ayda repeated. 

The blonde girl sighed and looked around, then snuck into one of the hallways. After exchanging a questioning look, Kristen and Ayda followed her. 

“So, what’s up? I’m Kristen by the way.” She extended her hand.

“Adaine Abernant.” Adaine shook it.

“The Elven Oracle?” Ayda cocked her head. 

Crossing her arms, she replied, “the Oracle. Elves cannot claim me for themselves, especially considering the fact that they tried to lock me up in an orb.”

“I’m sorry. The Oracle. I am Ayda Aguefort.” She held out her hand like Kristen had done, hoping it was still the correct move.

Wordlessly, Adaine shook it. 

“So, you wanna get out of here? I know a cafe we can go to, you could explain the whole giant orb thing?” Kristen drew a circle in the air. 

Ayda glanced back at her fellow researchers. Most of them were standing around in a little circle, coats in hand. If they were leaving, she’d be allowed to leave too. 

“Can we just leave?” Adaine raised her eyebrows.

“There’s no specific end time on the invitation, so we can technically leave whenever we want.” She squared her shoulders and added, “what are they going to do, stop us?” 

Adaine looked back once more. “Okay, let’s go. Don’t let the elves see me.” 

After successfully smuggling Adaine out of the building, Kristen led them through a long series of narrow streets covered in colourful shops and posters. The pebbled walkway felt unfamiliar underneath Ayda’s feet but she didn’t want to risk being seen flying away from the event. She tried to keep a map of the area in her mind but the environment was too new to her and she stuck to trying to look at everything they passed. 

Finally Kristen led them into a cafe with large windows, a few long pillows covering the windowsills where cats snoozed in the sunlight. In the corner there was a coffee bar with all sorts of treats. Behind the bar stood a girl with the sides of her head shaved and a whole set of piercings covered the length of her ears. When she looked up from her work, the girl winked at Kristen.

“Uhh,�� Adaine started, seeming lost in the space. 

“That’s my girlfriend, Tracker. She makes good coffee, I promise. Over there’s more quiet spaces if you want to borrow one of the books from the bookshelves.” Kristen pointed to a corner mostly taken up by cats, then to a towering library-grade bookshelf filled to the brim with colourful spines. “And if you want to see a fun performance- there we got Fig and Gorgug, they’re a band.” She waved to another corner.

Ayda followed all of Kristen’s pointing until she lay sight on who she presumed was Fig. A relatively short tiefling girl wearing ripped fishnets, a plaid skirt, and a crop top grinned wildly as she watched her friend do tricks with his drumsticks. “Fascinating,” she whispered to herself.

“What?” 

“Nothing of importance.” Ayda turned her head back to her new friends. 

Three minutes later, they sat in the music corner each with a large coffee and some cookies. 

Kirsten picked up her mug. “So, let’s talk about the orb.”

[whumpmatsus]

Hi! 👋 Two things! First, a fic request (again Ichimatsu whump because I'm sorry but I have to): Ichimatsu takes a hit meant for one of his brothers (be it accidental or on purpose) and is pretty badly injured. Cue the rest of the Matsu Bros. to the rescue!

And second, um...would you be okay with it if, let's just say hypothetically, I made fan art of some of these fics? 😺

FIRST OF ALL thank you for this because it's LITERALLY the longest thing I've written on this blog so far!! so I hope u enjoy it fully uwu

Matsu Bros plus a cameo by Mama Matsu!! <3

second... YESSSS THAT IS ALWAYS DEFINITELY OKAY!!! aaaaaaa you flatter me <3 <3 <3

-

When Ichimatsu first wakes up in the hospital, he doesn’t remember why he’s here. Hell, he barely even remembers who he is.

All he really knows initially is that he’s in a lot of pain. It hurts to breathe, his face is kind of numb in spots, and his leg feels weirdly positioned, plus heavy and uncomfortable. His shoulder feels kind of sore… as does his wrist.

There’s also some strange fog drifting around his mind that’s making it difficult to really focus on anything.

He feels a hand in his own. Not very tight… he thinks it’s someone giving just enough pressure to let him know they’re here. That he’s not alone. That’s comforting, he thinks.

Then he starts to remember things.

He was out walking with some of the others; Karamatsu and maybe Totty? What they were doing is a little fuzzy and isn’t coming to him instantly. He just recalls they were together, walking on the sidewalk. They came to a crosswalk and waited their turn. Karamatsu, as the eldest out of the three, stepped forward first to cross.

Ichimatsu thinks Karamatsu’s intention was that he would hold Totty’s hand to keep the youngest safe while they crossed, and Ichimatsu could follow after them. He doesn’t believe Totty had any objections.

They waited. They followed all the rules they were supposed to. The crosswalk light told them they were allowed to go.

It was someone else who broke the rules, tearing through a stop sign, the car headed right for his brothers. He… thinks he remembers Totty had only just come forward to grab Karamatsu’s hand, so he wasn’t quite there yet. Karamatsu was the one in the most danger.

He doesn’t remember much else. Running forward, pushing his baby brother behind him and yelling for his big brother to move.Then an impact. A lot of pain. Black and nothingness and warmth.

Now he’s awake. Putting the pieces together, he’s pretty sure he shoved Karamatsu forward and ended up getting hit by that car.

He thinks, in his haze, that the car should have hit Karamatsu, because he was the one who went first, because things happened so fast. But he’s glad it didn’t happen that way.

A couple groans catch the attention of whoever’s in the room, and he gets a squeeze to the hand. “Ichimatsu? Honey? Are you awake?”

“Mmh…” It hurts a little to move his head. He does it anyway, getting a glimpse of his mother. “… Mom…?”

It looks like she’s smiling… relieved, maybe. “Yes! Yes, my sweet boy, Mama is here.” She reaches her free hand over to gently stroke his hair. It feels nice. “Thank goodness. How do you feel?”

He closes his eyes. “I hurt.”

“Well, I should hope so! I’d be worried if you weren’t in a lot of pain right now. Do you remember what happened?”

Although he tries to move around, it’s difficult simply because it’s so painful. “Uh, yeah, kind of… I got… hit by a car, right? ― H… hey… Karamatsu and Totty… where are they? Are they okay?”

“Yes, dear, they’re both fine. Karamatsu has a couple of scrapes, but nothing serious. You, on the other hand, are lucky, young man. You’ve got a broken leg, a couple of broken ribs, and a broken wrist. You did have a dislocated shoulder, but they got that back into place. The doctor said it could have been much worse. She said you got off easy compared to some people who get hit by a car.”

She combs his bangs back in a way that mitigates any anger or frustration in her next words. “What were you thinking?”

“The car was coming for Karamatsu…” He frowns as the memory surfaces again, in slightly better detail. Damn. “… And Totty didn’t see it… he was gonna step out, too…”

Everything seemed to happen so fast. How the hell did he manage to get his older brother out of the way and keep his younger brother out of the way when everything happened so fast?

Matsuyo sighs and continues stroking his hair. “Oh, I know… they were both in tears when we all arrived. Totty was inconsolable… saying that Karamatsu would be dead if you hadn’t run forward and that he thought you were dead because you weren’t responding. I should be mad that you scared your brothers… but…”

She leans forward to kiss his forehead. “… You did a brave thing, Ichimatsu. Mama is very proud of you. I just don’t like any of you boys hurt… if you’re inclined to do this again, pull the other person back instead of taking their place. You silly boy,” she adds with an affectionate smile.

“Hah…” he laughs weakly, wincing at the pain in his chest. “Sorry, Mom. Everything hurts… I wanna go home.”

“Mhm, they’ll probably let you go pretty soon now that you’re awake. That’s the main thing they were waiting for, I think.” She moves her hand down to pat lightly at his forearm.

“Don’t worry. You’ll be home before you know it, and your family will take good care of you.”

-

Coming home is kind of weird.

Ichimatsu can’t really walk on his own. Since his leg is broken, the doctor gave him a crutch that he can use with his good hand, but it’s an awkward movement and leaves him feeling unbalanced. It’s just easier to lean on one of his brothers to walk ― in this case, Choromatsu has volunteered to help if Ichimatsu needs to walk somewhere. Though… he gets the feeling that the others would be more than happy to volunteer if the third eldest were somehow busy when he needs to get up.

Every motion, from sitting up to reaching for things to just breathing, is painful thanks to the broken ribs. There’s nothing that can really be done for those, so he’s evidently got to just suffer. He remembers the doctor saying they should feel quite a bit better in a couple of weeks. Most of this is going to take a month or more to fully heal, which is… according to Osomatsu, a ‘major boner-killer’.

Sitting around doing nothing but being in pain is going to be the end of Ichimatsu. He’s sure of that. He can’t go outside to feed the cats, and it’s difficult to cuddle with them inside with all his injuries. That alone is pretty depressing.

The pain medication they sent him home with is also a little frustrating. The first time he takes it, it makes him so tired he sleeps right through dinner.

He falls asleep on the couch in the spare room, he knows, because it’s where he has to be set up for now. There’s noway he can sleep in the futon with everyone else while he tries to heal; that runs the risk of running into someone, or having one of his brothers accidentally run into him.

His leg’s in a cast and his wrist is in a splint, to protect them as they fix themselves, but if those areas have someone roll onto them, it’ll probably result in more damage. Which means more pain and more time added to his recovery.

It’s apparently a bad idea to sleep on the couch. When he wakes up, everything is sore and screaming in pain. Justified, unfortunately, since he fell asleep in the same position he was relaxing in.

Someone else… is here? There’s something warm pressed up against his side.

He glances over to find that he’s evidently been resting on Karamatsu’s shoulder, likely for a while given that Karamatsu’s eyes are closed too. It looks dark out, and Ichimatsu’s foggy mind busies itself wondering what time it is.

There’s a soft chuckle beside him, and looking over reveals one of his big brother’s eyes is cracked open now. It’s swiftly followed by the other one, then the sudden absence of a pressure around his shoulder makes him aware that Karamatsu had an arm around him. “Awake, hm?”

“Yeah…” He tries to stretch, stopped short when a jolting pain in his chest reminds him that it’s definitely a bad idea. “Oww. I don’t even remember falling asleep.”

“That’s alright. You started to get a bit drowsy about half an hour after Osomatsu-nii-san gave you your medicine. We saved you a plate from dinner, though, if you want me to go warm it up.”

Ichimatsu blinks. “I slept through dinner?? Shit. How late is it right now?”

His brother shifts a bit more to take out his phone. “Hm… a bit after midnight.”

“Midnight?” Well, fuck. Although he can justify an hour nap or so, he’s just slept like six hours. He missed dinner, he missed going to the bathhouse, he missed maybe a game of cards before bed.

Karamatsu laughs again, his hand tousling Ichimatsu’s hair fondly. “That’s right, my brother. Don’t worry. Osomatsu-nii-san said fatigue is a side effect of your medicine, and your body needs sleep right now, anyway. So, are you hungry? Mommy made soba and yakitori for dinner, but if you’d rather have something else, just say the word. Your wish is my command!”

Honestly… he’s not really that hungry. He knows he should probably eat; his stomach is just trying to tell him not to have anything heavy. Another side effect of the medication, maybe. “Are you… sure? I kind of just feel like plain miso and rice. Other stuff doesn’t sound good.”

“Of course! I’d be delighted to go heat some up. You simply rest and I’ll…” When he goes to stand up, something catches Ichimatsu’s eye, and he grabs his brother’s hand, weakly, with his own injured one. It’s painful, but…

Karamatsu’s eyes focus on his younger brother, brows furrowing. “Ichimatsu? What’s the matter?”

It’s… that cut on Karamatsu’s face. Ichimatsu didn’t notice it before. Now that he’s a bit more alert, it’s practically all he can see. It’s not very big, maybe the length of one of their little fingers, and not deep. It looks like a scrape from falling off one’s bike or something. He thinks maybe it had a bandage on it at one point. The color has faded into something dull; the skin around is still bright pink, though, suggesting that it’s irritated despite not being cut.

His gaze shifts down to find similar wounds on Karamatsu’s hands. On the palms, where he probably got a sort of road rash when he tried to catch himself after Ichimatsu pushed him out of the way.

His own wrist protests with a violent throb as he reaches to let his fingers graze lightly over Karamatsu’s wrist. Image after image of what might have happened to him if Ichimatsu wasn’t fast enough comes unbidden into his head. Karamatsu could be the one with a broken leg or broken ribs, or it could have been worse.

“Y… you’re okay… right?” As soon as those words are out of his mouth, tears start spilling. All at once he’s pulled into a hug, loose fists resting against his back. He can’t stop himself from leaning in, pressing his face against Karamatsu’s shoulder.

He can feel the soft rumble of mirthless laughter his big brother gives. “You’re the one who was hurt, Ichimatsu. I’m only okay because of you. If you hadn’t seen… I wasn’t paying attention…”

The words, “It should have been me”, hang heavily in the air even though Karamatsu doesn’t say them.

He brushes a delicate kiss over the side of his little brother’s forehead. “Heh… you would have been a better big brother than me. You kept us all safe when I failed. You probably saved my life, you know. Thank you.”

Ichimatsu isn’t sure why it’s now that the full weight of everything has hit him. Now, when he’s home and out of danger, when everything is okay. Shouldn’t he have been falling apart when he first woke up in the hospital? It shouldn’t have taken seeing Karamatsu’s small injuries to remind him that they all could have died when he’s the one in a cast.

It’s hard to keep himself together, to keep his breathing normal so he doesn’t completely go to pieces. (Though, if he did, what better place to do so than in his older brother’s arms?) “… You’d do the same for me, right? So it’s only fair.”

“I would,” Karamatsu hums. “Without a second thought. You’re my little brother and I love you very much and if I could save you from being hurt, I would. I’m… sorry I was so careless that I couldn’t do it this time.”

Ichimatsu grunts, slipping his good arm around Karamatsu’s waist in an effort to be closer. “Don’t feel too bad. The next car’ll be yours.”

-

After eating as much as he feels like he can, Ichimatsu allows Karamatsu to help transfer him to the floor. It’s already set up with a spare futon, a blanket, and a pillow, probably because someone guessed that sleeping on the sofa wouldn’t be comfortable.

He’s still in so much pain. The shoulder that was reduced back into place aches like an old war wound, and his chest is sore even when he’s lying still. To say nothing of his wrist and his leg. His whole body feels like one giant bruise, except worse.

Although Karamatsu insists he’d be just fine to stand guard all night, after a few minutes Choromatsu comes in and sends him back to the bedroom. Ichimatsu doesn’t hear too much of the conversation ― mostly whispers that Karamatsu needs to go get some sleep, that Choromatsu is glad to take a turn.

Soon enough, though, Karamatsu relents and comes to tell Ichimatsu goodnight before he leaves the room. Ichimatsu gets one more kiss on the head and a reassuring squeeze to his good hand and exchanges another round of “I love you”s with his brother, then heads into the bedroom.

Choromatsu came prepared, setting his own pillow up on the couch and tossing a blanket at the end just in case he needs it. “So… how are you feeling, Ichimatsu?”

“Mm… like crap, kinda.” He looks over to where his brother is trying to get settled in. “I can’t believe I slept six hours and I’m still tired. What kind of shit did they put me on?”

“Hah… y-yeah, it’s the good stuff, probably. Is it at least helping the pain a little?”

“A little. Like Mom said before we left the hospital, I… guess it’d be more worrying if I wasn’t in pain right now. I did get hit by a car.”

Choromatsu leans forward and places a cautious hand on his little brother’s head. Once that earns him no punishment, he gingerly combs through Ichimatsu’s hair. It certainly feels relaxing. “You sure did. I… I can’t believe you kept both Karamatsu and Totty safe. Adrenaline’s a… a weird thing, huh? I’m glad you’re all okay. Hopefully the pain medicine will work better once you’ve had a few doses.”

“Mh. I hope so.”

“Yeah. For now, just, uh… just try to get some more sleep, okay? Your body needs a lot of rest while you’re healing.”

Yep, that’s what Karamatsu said, too. Two of his brothers saying the same thing can’t be wrong. … Well, they could be, but it would be weird. “I’ll try. Thanks for… being here. I dunno that I’d really want to sleep alone for the whole night. Guess Totty’s rubbing off on me.”

A low chuckle leaves Choromatsu as Ichimatsu closes his eyes. The sound of rustling suggests that his older brother has laid down and pulled a blanket over himself as well.

After a moment of quiet between them, Ichimatsu becomes keenly aware of a sensation that definitely isn’t going to allow him to sleep. “Uuuugh. Shit.”

“Huh?” Choromatsu is sitting up in an instant, ready to practically spring out of his skin. “What’s wrong, Ichimatsu?”

“― My leg itches.”

“O-oh. So… scratch it??”

He throws his head back in frustration. “No, the one with the Goddamn cast on it.”

“Ohhh. Okay, uh, well…” Choromatsu gets up and rummages through one of the drawers for a few seconds.

After that, a pencil is pressed into Ichimatsu’s good hand with a smile. “Here, try this. Stick the eraser end down in the little space between your leg and the cast, then keep moving it. If the itch is high enough up, it should help.”

Ichimatsu raises an eyebrow at the advice. Well. What’s he got to lose, after all? He spends a moment trying to get the itch scratched after slipping the pencil down, and finally he sighs in relief. “Fuck, that’s a lot better. How’d you know that was gonna work?”

Choromatsu grins self-consciously, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Ah, well… remember when I broke my arm? When I went for my checkup, I had this itch inside the cast that was driving me nuts. So the nurse showed me this trick. It doesn’t always work, but…”

“Huh… well… thanks.” After everything, he’s just really tired and ready to sleep now. He would cross his fingers that nothing else disturbs him if he felt like moving at all.

“Heh, no problem. All good now?”

“I think so.” When he sees his brother straighten up to head back to the couch, his brain evidently thinks it’s good to say something. “H… hey. Choromatsu?”

Choromatsu looks back down, concern etched on his features. “Ah, yeah? What’s up?”

His heart is hammering so fast it feels like it’s trying to break more of his ribs. He doesn’t really want to embarrass himself. It’s just… he feels… “Can you… can you… stay for a minute? Down here?”

“Oh… yeah, sure. I can’t stay too long… I-I can’t sleep next to you. I might accidentally hurt you.” Even so, he lowers himself back down, sitting cross-legged and reaching to stroke Ichimatsu’s hair.

He nods. That’s part of the problem. Even though he normally wouldn’t have much complaint about being left to his own devices… he’s used to sleeping next to his brothers. Right on the end beside Karamatsu. When he’s not feeling well, being absent from them is apparently not doing him any favors. “I know. It’s just…”

His eyes drift closed once more. It must be the medicine making him feel out of it and way too honest. “… I think I’m gonna get lonely sleeping like this.”

“O-oh… gosh.” He can practically hear the frown in Choromatsu’s voice. The other man’s hand combs through his hair, a rhythmic and repetitive motion that makes him sleepy again. “I can probably… sleep like this, propped up against the couch. Is that okay?”

“Mmmh… I don’t want you to have to do that… you’ll make your back sore.”

He chuckles. “Ah, I-I think I can handle it. Even if that’s true, it’d be worth it to me so you don’t have to feel lonely. It’s the least I can do for my little brother.”

“I can’t stop you,” Ichimatsu mumbles. Sleep is scrabbling its tiny, strong fingers at him, trying to pull him down. It’s getting hard to resist. “If you want…”

“Yeah… yeah, I wanna do this for you.” Choromatsu leans down to press a small kiss to the top of Ichimatsu’s head. “Hey. Love you, Ichimacchan. Try to get some rest, okay?”

He doesn’t have to tell Ichimatsu twice. Within a minute of Choromatsu’s urging, he’s fallen back into a peaceful darkness.

-

When Ichimatsu wakes up the next morning, Choromatsu’s presence has been replaced by Jyushimatsu’s.

As much as he loves his immediate older brother, he doesn’t have any complaints. He and Jyushimatsu are very close, and his younger brother being here is pretty soothing to wake up to.

He’s uncharacteristically quiet, though that’s not to say he isn’t his usual energetic self. He appears to be flipping through baseball cards, maybe organizing them in his little album, humming to himself. There’s also one hand free to play with Ichimatsu’s hair, which he supposes is why he still feels relaxed.

“Hey, Jyushi.” His body reminds him why stretching is a bad idea right now, so he settles for arching his back a little in an effort to make something pop. Everything is sore. Even that little bit of movement hurts his ribs enough that he has trouble catching his breath for a minute. “Fuck… morning.”

“Oh! Yeah, it is morning!” Jyushimatsu is chipper as always, though when he leans in for a hug, he’s surprisingly gentle. “How’d you sleep, Ichimatsu-nii-san?”

“Okay, I guess. I still hurt a bunch.”

“Yeahhhh, you were crying in your sleep! But it’s okay! Because guess what? Jyushi is here!” He grins, nuzzling his cheek against Ichimatsu’s. It’s a bit weird, but par for the course as far as Jyushimatsu is concerned. Besides, the hug is nice after the fear of being lonely last night. “Did you have nightmares, huh?”

Now that he mentions it… yep. Ichimatsu’s dreams, or what he remembers of them, were filled with horrible things. The memory of being hit by the car, or the images of either Karamatsu or Totty being hit because he wasn’t fast enough.

He recalls one piece of a dream which involved looking into his own chest and seeing the end of a fractured rib shatter his glass heart.

A shudder runs through his body, prompting Jyushimatsu to tighten his grip just slightly. “Oh, you’re cold! It’s past breakfast, ‘cause you slept for a really long time, but I’ll go get you some tea!! Sound good?”

Given that his appetite hasn’t come back from war, that sounds better than anything else. Though he did manage to choke down that rice and miso last night, he’s not sure if he wants to eat even anything bland. “Yeah, sounds good. Put just a little bit of agave syrup in it for me?”

“Yeah! Anything for Ichimatsu-nii-san! Be right back, okay?”

With Jyushimatsu, ‘be right back’ is typically how it goes. He’s only gone for a few minutes, or at least it only seems like a few minutes.

Regardless, Ichimatsu has a cup of tea in his hand relatively quickly. Almost as if his brother predicted that it would be difficult to hold something very hot with only one hand, the tea is warm, not boiling hot.

It’s easier to balance it with one hand, plus this means it’s pretty much the perfect temperature to drink. As he starts to sip it, he feels Jyushimatsu’s hand, covered entirely by his sleeve, rubbing affectionately between his shoulder blades. “It’s good, huh?”

He swallows and gives the other a nod. “Yeah, pretty good. Thanks.” Thankfully, it should wake him up, too. He’s still feeling kind of groggy.

“Good!! Osomatsu-nii-san said he’s gonna give you your medicine in a minute, since I told him you were up and hurting.” Jyushimatsu shoves his binder of cards away, shifting up to sit on the sofa. “Do you want me to move you up here after you’re done drinking?”

“Probably, yeah. You got anything you wanna do today?” Another sip, and he sighs in relief feeling the warmth flow through him. Damn.He can’t believe he could take something as simple as a cup of tea in the morning for granted. “I can’t really help with baseball practice… but we could watch TV together or something.”

“Sure! We can watch whatever you want!” After only a few seconds, Jyushimatsu wiggles himself back down and leans against his big brother’s shoulder. “Hey, Ichimatsu-nii-san… I’m really glad you’re okay. Even though you’re hurt and everything, you’re home with us instead of… being not home with us!”

The least he can do is let his head rest gently against Jyushimatsu’s. “Yeah… I’m glad I’m home, too. Don’t think I’d rather be anywhere else.”

Jyushimatsu nods eagerly, making a brief, dull wave of pain wash through Ichimatsu. However, he’d rather have that pain than not have his little brother close. “We’ll take really good care of you! Just say if you need anything, okay? I’m really strong and I can get anything! … And if I can’t, Osomatsu-nii-san probably can!”

“Heh.” Ichimatsu takes another gulp of his tea. “You guys are the best.”

-

True to Jyushimatsu’s word, Osomatsu is in pretty soon to give Ichimatsu the painkillers. For whatever reason, even when he can’t be trusted with literally anything else, the eldest is pretty good at monitoring medicine when one of the others needs it.

All things being equal, Ichimatsu has a lot of faith in taking medicine when Osomatsu keeps track of it. He knows how much was dispensed, how many Ichimatsu is supposed to take and how often, how many are left, and all the related things. He’s like some kind of idiot savant who was put on Earth to be a pill counter.

After he takes it, he expects to start getting tired again, so he silently begs Osomatsu to stay on the couch with him. They’re all supposed to be hanging out anyway, based on what Jyushimatsu said, so right now he decides he wants to be close to his oldest brother for a little bit.

Osomatsu seems all too happy to oblige, snuggling Ichimatsu as close as he dares to. It’s probably not a good idea to use normal force, so the touches are… lighter than usual. It’s not so bad.

He settles in on Osomatsu’s shoulder, trying to get his eyes to focus on the show Jyushimatsu turned it to for him. It’s kind of unfortunate that he’s almost certainly going to fall asleep on it. “You guys are taking really good care of me,” he sighs, letting his eyes slip closed. “You want my allowance? Or, like… a bag of sardines?”

Osomatsu snorts. “What? You’re nuts, man. We’re taking care of you because we want to and because you need it. I mean, if I was sitting here with a broken leg, a broken wrist, broken ribs, and had to have my shoulder cherry popped back into place, wouldn’t you all be like, ‘Wow, maybe we should give the poor bastard a hand’? We’re just doing the same thing for you that we’d do for any one of us.”

Ichimatsu huffs. “Yeah, well… you’re all doing a lot. Karamatsu went in the kitchen past midnight to make me miso and rice, Choromatsu probably fucked up his back sleeping against the couch so I wouldn’t be lonely, Jyushi’s waiting on me, and you’ve got my medicine on a damn schedule or something.”

“Yeah, well,” Osomatsu grins, “I can’t leave it up to you, crackhead.”

He can’t help but chuckle at that. Even so, it’s not going to make him totally drop this. “I’m serious. You guys are…”

Osomatsu nudges him carefully. “We’re being brothers, you boner. I know we suck at showing it sometimes, but… you know we all love each other, right? I guess it’s easier to show it when one of us is sick or hurt. Just so happens you’re the hurt one right now. And also your ass is on painkillers, so everything seems weird to you.”

… Okay, so maybe he can’t fault that logic. Still, though.

They’re both quiet for a long moment while they watch the screen, then Osomatsu lets out a soft hum. “You did good, you know. I don’t like that you tried to get yourself killed, but you did good.”

“I wasn’t trying to get myself killed,” Ichimatsu retorts with the nastiest facial expression he can muster right now. “I didn’t wanna get hit, either. But Karamatsu and Totty weren’t paying attention… I didn’t want them to get hit. I was trying to get us all out of that way… I just wasn’t fast enough.”

Osomatsu scoffs before reaching his hand up to ruffle Ichimatsu’s hair. He appears to be getting a lot of pets like that lately, not that he’s complaining. It feels really good and is one of the biggest comforts he has right now. “You protected them, anyway. I can’t say too much, because you didn’t do anything I wouldn’t have done if it were me.”

Ichimatsu offers a low, mocking wail. “Oh, shit. I’m turning into you. I think I’d rather be a cat. If I were a really bratty cat, you’d still be nice enough to feed me sardines and scratch behind my ears, right?”

“Uhhhh, I guess. You’re changing the subject, you dick.” A small puff of laughter makes his bangs move. “I just… wanna say I really respect you, man. Sometimes I remember the days when you would kick Karamatsu in the leg just for breathing the wrong way. And when you used to blow Totty off to hang with your friends in high school.”

He gets a shrug in response. “People change. We’ve all changed a lot.”

“Yeah, sure. I know.” His arm shifts down and he squeezes Ichimatsu’s good hand in that reassuring, proud way only an older sibling can. “They haven’t all been good changes. But seeing you trying to keep the others safe… that’s a a good change. Just gotta give you your props, Ichimacchan.”

He’s too tired to really argue with Osomatsu. Despite the fact that he knows he’s the shittiest of them all, he has to at least silently acknowledge that what he did prevented one of his older brothers and his baby brother from being in the same pain he’s in right now.

Instead of saying anything meaningful, he just presses himself in more against Osomatsu and mutters, “That’s nice. I’m tired.”

Osomatsu snorts and Ichimatsu feels a light kiss on top of his head. “Alright, dumbass, get some sleep. The pills are probably kicking in. Let me know if you need anything.”

Ichimatsu thinks that, right now, all he needs is his big brother to be the perfect pillow, and he’s doing a pretty good job of that.

-

Although it’s not dark at all the next time Ichimatsu wakes up, it’s significantly later than he meant to sleep. 3 P.M., meaning that once again he’s slept through a meal ― lunch, this time.

Just like last night, he finds that he’s not really all that hungry. Even so, it might be a good idea to eat, so probably he ask Osomatsu to get him something small.

When he shifts and looks over, though, Osomatsu isn’t there anymore. Instead, there’s Totty…

… Oh.

He’s holding onto Ichimatsu pretty tight. Ichimatsu isn’t sure he can move too much with the way Totty is holding him.

“Hey,” he says softly. “Totty? Everything okay?”

His little brother stiffens, wide eyes suddenly turning up to look at him. Unlike what he noticed about Karamatsu, Totty doesn’t have any physical injuries, but… the skin around his eyes is red and puffy. “Y… yeah, it’s all good. Sorry, am I hurting you?”

“No… not really hurting.” He doesn’t remember having seen Totty too much after everything happened. He visited Ichimatsu in the hospital, all teary-eyed and not talking, before they were all allowed to take him home. Once he got home, though, he can’t recall Totty being around a lot even though everyone else was.

He assumed Totty was freaked out after everything and avoiding him just because he’s emotional right now. Seems Ichimatsu was right about that.

He maneuvers his good arm to put it around Totty’s shoulders, pulling him in closer. “Have you been crying? You sure you’re okay?”

Totty sniffles and dips his head down. “Yeah, sorry… I just…”

“Don’t be sorry, dumbass.” Even though it hurts a little to move so much, Ichimatsu cuddles his brother in against him. “It’s fine, you big crybaby. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“I should be the one making sure you’re okay.” Regardless, Totty nestles in, tucking his head under Ichimatsu’s chin. It’s a bit of a weight on his hurt ribs, but it’s not that bad. “… H-hey. I, um. You know. I… I love you.”

Huh. It’s been a while since Totty has said that point-blank to any of his brothers, Ichimatsu thinks. It’s kind of nice to hear. He closes his eyes and offers an appreciative hum. “I love you, too. That it?”

Totty lets out a frustrated sigh, and Ichimatsu can just imagine the pout he has on his face. Kinda cute. He can’t really help himself; the youngest is always gonna be the baby, always gonna be adorable, even when he’s acting like a little bitch or if he wants to deny it. “I wanted to… say I’m sorry.”

“For…?”

“For… everything! Y-you know, for almost getting hit and… I mean, you got hurt trying to protect me and Karamatsu! If I hadn’t tried to follow him without even looking… you wouldn’t have had to worry about me. And… and I haven’t been with you too much since you got home…”

He nuzzles his head against Ichimatsu’s collarbone, kneading his hand against the top of his brother’s good leg. “I’m sorry about that. It’s just… I’ve been… really upset. It was scary, seeing the car hit you…”

The hum Ichimatsu gives this time is lower, pensive and understanding. “Yeah. Mom said you were crying a lot when she got to the hospital. ‘S okay to be kinda freaked out, you know.”

“Yeah, I know… and I was… am.I was scared the whole time… Karamatsu tried to wake you up, but you were just lying there and you wouldn’t…” Totty sniffles and his hand curls into a weak fist against Ichimatsu’s knee. “I didn’t wanna lose you, Ichimatsu-nii-san, and I was really afraid you were gone. I’m happy you’re okay… I just… I-I was pretty sure I was gonna cry the first time I tried to take care of you, so I… wanted to be alone with you. Crying in front of all you guys is…”

Ichimatsu nods to quiet his brother, ghosting a kiss over the top of Totty’s head. “I get it. It’s okay, Totty. C’mere, okay… you don’t have to be sorry for being freaked out and not wanting to cry and all that shit. I’m sure Karamatsu’s freaked out, too. And everyone else. Don’t apologize for your feelings, stupid.”

An indignant huff is the response he gets, before Totty presses in against Ichimatsu’s uninjured shoulder. “It just makes me think a lot,” he finally confesses.

Ichimatsu smirks. “Right. And you’re so out of practice with thinking, it’s hard. I know.”

“Th-that’s not it, you jerk!” Totty whines and brings his arms in, curled against his chest. His knees come up onto the couch, folded under him, as he tries to get comfortable. “It makes me think… anything could happen, at any moment, and that… might be it.And I know we’re all shitty to each other a lot of the time, but… but I love all of you.”

He sniffles, snuggling against Ichimatsu when his big brother pulls him even closer. “The thought that one of us might… die… I-I didn’t… I didn’t know how afraid I was of that… till I thought it happened. If one of us wasn’t here… it… it wouldn’t be the same anymore.”

“… Yeah.” Ichimatsu gives Totty a squeeze that’s maybe a little tighter than necessary. It’s not like he can pretend that Totty is wrong. He’s right. Even though they’re all assholes and treat each other like crap sometimes, the last thing any of them want is for their family to be… incomplete.

They sit quietly for what feels like a long time, holding each other. Breathing. Just existing in sync, in perfect understanding for a while.

Sometimes, it’s true, Ichimatsu is kind of a death seeker. Sometimes he really does want to die. Sometimes he doesn’t care about anything, and just wants it all to end so he doesn’t have to deal with the weight of life anymore.

Sometimes, though… sometimes he fights death with all he has. He thinks maybe that’s what happened after he got hit by the car.

It would have been easy to die then. To just let his injuries swallow him up and put out his life like blowing out a candle.

He’s in a lot of pain right now, but he’s not dead. There must be a reason, right?

He thinks this is the reason.

Holding his youngest brother and realizing how broken his absence would leave his family, thinking about how broken it would be if anyof them were gone, how much they love each other…

… For once, he’s happy to be alive.

[onlyswan]

TW!!

Hey art!!!

(feel free to ignore it)

I hope you're all good. Today my eldest and my most favourite cousin graduated in medicine. She also won loyalty award . I'm extremely proud of her and also very happy. Everyone in the family is celebrating her success.

Since I was a kid, I've always been compared with her. She is religious, intelligent, pretty, listens to her parents, kind, empathetic and every beautiful adjective to exist. Me on the other hand. Youngest, playful, always teasing others, doesn't listen to her parents if feels that it doesn't make any sense, is non religious, fat, an arts student, lone wolf and what not.

It's not like i hate her or something. I love her more than anything. She is one of the most precious person to me. i can never hate her or even dislike her because of how amazing person she is. But. I feel stuck in inferiority complex. She is the perfect girl my family wants. Career oriented, hardworker, successful. I am moving in the garden called ambiguity. I understand that they want me to be inspired by her. And to a lot of extent I am but i feel like they will never be satisfied. I've participated and won in many competition but my dad doesn't seem to feel good on it. I feel like I'm just not the person my family wants. I argue with them if they talk reason about something completely nonsense. I take stand for myself. But i feel like I do wrong. I feel like I'm too centres to even consider their pov. I don't know art how to feel. 8 called her to confess how guilty i feel for feeling such way towards her but she was sick and it was a special day for her so I couldn't muster up the courage to say it to her.

At this point i doubt if I'll even be successful or not. I fear everything. I don't know how am I gonna face the world . I'm afraid fail my parents who have sacrificed so much for me and they still do. I feel like a burden. I don't know if I can be truly happy or not..

Anyways sorry for my rant. I just felt that i needed to get all this out of my chest and i don't have anyone to whom o can say and who would listen to me. i absolutely love her but how everybody yk i just don't know how to explain. I wish I could apologize her and that she would forgive me. When parents gave me a lecture to be like her, i wasn't the one crying but she did. She felt how even after years of being compared how she still is my fav person. But i don't know how i feel now. She surely still is really precious to me but..... I still love her but.....

feel free to ignore it. Ig i need to come to be comfortable in being everybody's last choice.

You are really precious to me art. Your words always bring me comfort. You're like the best friend i don't have. I don't know what i would do or to who i would say all this but I really love you ❤️❤️❤️.

Sending lots of hugs and kisses your way!!!

~🐻

warm hugs for my bear anonie 🫂 i’m glad u got this off your chest and thank u for trusting me!

sometimes the reason we feel stuck in our journey is because instead of moving forward, we spend so much of our time looking around observing other people in their own paths or listening to their opinions on how you’re supposed to navigate yours. but this journey called life is yours entirely, and while many factors influence you, you still get to make the choice at the end of the day. you have control way more than you think, and that’s what probably makes it so scary. it’s may be easier to try and become the person your family wants you to be because there are already standards set, almost like a manual you just have to follow. but i promise that putting the work in getting to know yourself and figuring out who you want yourself to be is going to be a beautiful and fulfilling process. the one and only person you are going to spend the rest of your life with is yourself :) so please make yourself your first choice. i don’t know what being happy truly means, but i’ve been finding peace in putting what i need and want above everything else for the first time in my life. it comes with sacrifices, but it’s healing my inner child and that’s priceless ^^