#i will not call myself either prosh-p or ant/i because neither word describes my stance

[sheep-sorbet]

crawling out of the woodwork, covered in dust hewwo

sorry to anyone who has wondered where i've been, if that's been anyone at all

i fell out of making art for kingdom hearts, and i was tempted to make this huge post with receipts to explain why, but instead i think it will be easier to just say this: fandom zines suck, and a mod that ran the ienzo/zexion zine i was in harassed me into basically just giving up and not making any art of him or posting about him.

the experience i had in that zine was bad enough that i had to make this decision: from now on, i will not participate in fandom zines run by other people. i love making and helping with zines so this really upsets me, and i hope to get back into the zine scene soon. maybe self-published is the way to go for me, im not sure. i am not even sure i can return to the zine scene at all because the deadline stress is too much for me, personally.

i've also become hesitant to participate in fandom events at all anymore. the exception has been the TWEWY secret santa that's happened the last 2 decembers, and that's because i am comfortable enough with the mod and people involved that i know im not going to be like. Harassed. lol

i lost my drive to create KH stuff at all because interacting with it, and especially making stuff about ienzo, who is my favorite, would have opened me up to furthered harassment, and i just didn't want to deal with it. due to the nature of working on the zine and being sent a copy of it, it's very possible the person who harassed me could make a lot of trouble for me if i say anything at all, which is why i just Haven't until now. they have my name and previous address, which i gave to them before the harassment started. i was required to give it to them to be compensated even slightly for my work. so this being potentially used against me, for what amounts to expressing my own opinions on my own blog, made me hesitant to say anything or involve myself further in the fandom.

all i did was say the very normal and lukewarm opinion of "it makes me uncomfortable when people want to see someone fuck their adoptive parent figures, and i don't want people like that following me", and said mod ended up DMing me to chastise me about it. im not going to name that mod or share the screenshots openly, because that would be taken by them as 'harassment', ironically, and i just would like to move on.

that, combined with a lot of things going on IRL, has made posting difficult for me. tbh, i've barely drawn anything since june of last year. Thank u to everyone who has still enjoyed my art that is already up, and to all the other ienzo/zexion enjoyers who like my art and are understanding. i miss kh and i hope i'll find the drive to be into it again soon. until then, the main things i've been into lately have been (N)TWEWY, omori, and hunter x hunter, so you might see stuff about that if and when i ever get my shit set back up.

i debated just not posting this and acting like it didn't happen. but not saying anything at all would be dishonest, and more importantly, i think people should be aware of the fact that fandom zines are not always a fun experience, and can actually be very stressful and exhausting for very little reward. i want to caution people before joining fandom events to vet the people running it a little bit if possible. you can't control who gets accepted to the zine, but you can control the people whose zines you sign up for. and if it sucks hit the bricks, which i did not do and should have lol

sometimes, you join a zine and put a lot of love and work into it, all you get out of it is being overworked and harassed. and then not all the finished pieces you made for the zine even ends up in it 🙃 did i mention you have to pay to get copies of the merch you yourself designed?

for the sake of my own sanity and to avoid certain people's ire im not gonna tag this in the main tags, and im also going to turn reblogs off. this is just an informational post about where i've been, what's been happening with me, and why it's hard for me to make stuff about ienzo right now. please just take it as such and don't be mean to anyone, regardless of what happened. if anyone is really burning for details i might be open to answering in DMs, but more than anything, i just want to get this out of my system (˚ ; - ; )👍

i hope i can go back to being the "funny ienzo guy" soon. until then i will continue to be the "funny emo boys in general" guy