#sorry to any british people this offends

[bingoboingobongo]

in case the manchester accent and british flag patch didn't make it clear, you can tell that ghost is from the UK due to the fact that his skull mask has crooked teeth, representing england's quality of dental care

[santanasaintmendes]

make tacos, not war

part4! to the cosmic girl records 

¡cosmic girl records!

summary: tacos, tequila, beaches, the mexican grand prix, beefing with charles and getting roasted by the grid, anything else? 

olliebearman x reader & platonic!grid x reader 

fc!: gorgeous girls on pinterest all credits go to their rightful owners!

disclaimer!: there are sensitive and offensive jokes used below so do not interact if you are not ok with those things! If there is anything that i have included that is seriously inappropriate and harmful to people contact me and let me know so i can do my best to make sure everyone is happy!

a/n: AHHHHHHH! Thank you so much to everyone who has supported the ¡cosmic girl records! so far it seriously makes my day to see all the likes and reblogs.

warnings!: talking about addiction to alcohol (the 2019 rookies call y/n an alcoholic), joking about death, y/n calls checo mr taco man, swearing, offensive jokes, british slander i’m sorry 😞, stealing of best friends, the knife emoji?

word count!: 1.6k

liked by olliebearman, landonorris, lilymhe, charles_leclerc, georgerussell64 and 4,472,382 others 

unfortunatelyy/n: siesta, fiesta, tequila and repeat! 

tagged olliebearman

view 23,392 comments 

 bestie1: while i rot away in my pj’s watching friends smh 😔

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 unfortunatelyy/n: I LITERALLY ASKED IF U WANTED TO COME TOO????

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 bestie1: oh yeah 

user1: SHE’S SO PRETTY TF?? 

 user2: the third pic 😍

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 user3: the first pic 😍

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 user4: the second pic 😍 

 olliebearman: the first pic: moments before disaster 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: don’t expose me like that???

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 user9: hittin’ the man with the triple question mark, shit’s about to get real

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 olliebearman: she fell into the water.

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 unfortunatelyy/n: OPEN THE DOOR 

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 user12: GIRL WHAT

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 olliebearman: NO STOP TRYING TO BREAK DOWN THE FRONT DOOR YOU PSYCHO

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 unfortunatelyy/n: that’s fine. your windows open

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 olliebearman: WHAT 

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 user5: is he still alive 

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 user6: he may be dead i fear 

 unfortunatelyy/n: update: oliver james bearman is no longer a problem in today’s society 😄

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 landonorris: damn hittin him with the full government name is cold 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: shut up what do you know 

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 landonorris: more than you that’s for sure 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: WHY CAN’T U JUST LEAVE ME IN PEACE 

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 landonorris: if i remember correctly, YOU were the one who wanted to be friends 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: I WAS 5. i was young, dumb and foolish, i didn’t know what i wanted 😔

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 landonorris: @georgerussell64 @alex_albon 

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 georgerussell64: hmm, i smell a liar 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: tf u sniffing around for mf 

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 alex_albon: damn so aggressive 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: shut up your girlfriend’s cheating on you with me 

|  alex_albon: 🥲

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 user7: alex’s smiling through the pain fr 

user8: the 2019 rookie’s goal this year: make y/n suffer 

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

 schecoperez: i approve, nice photos 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: thank you mr taco man 

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 user9: MR TACO MAN HELP

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 user10: okay now i’m convinced they’re besties 

 liked by unfortunatelyy/n

user11: I could use a glass of tequila right about now 

liked by olliebearman, landonorris, georgerussell64, alexandrasaintmleux and 6,382,493 others 

unfortunatelyy/n: tequila, tamales, a boy, what more could a girl want?

tagged olliebearman

view 93,392 comments 

 user1: did ollie so dirty in the third pic 😭

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 user2: that’s what happens when u cross y/n 😭

 olliebearman: i take it you’re still mad at me?

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 unfortunatelyy/n: yes ❤️🔪

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 user7: NOT THE KNIFE EMOJI 

 carlossainz55: remind me again to never offend you in any way 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: @olliebearman watch and learn 

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 olliebearman: ok 😔

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 landonorris: yeah ollie 😒

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 olliebearman: why are you attacking me too 😭

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 landonorris: idk it’s fun 

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 olliebearman: wow. 

user3: we love savage y/n, may she reign forever 

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

 landonorris: y/n confirmed alcoholic  

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 georgerussell64: y/n confirmed clown 

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 alex_albon: y/n confirmed delusional girl 

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 charles_leclerc: y/n confirmed idiot 

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 user8: damn 😭

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 unfortunatelyy/n: DAMN WHAT DID I DO TO YA’LL 

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 charles_leclerc: live. 

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 alex_albon: steal my girlfriend.

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 georgerussell64: take my phone charger WITHOUT my permission

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 landonorris: @charles_leclerc what he said

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unfortunatelyy/n: . . . I-

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 landonorris: absolutely speechless, completely baffled, rendered loquacious 

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 user5: i didn’t realise lando had that many words in his vocabulary 

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 georgerussell64: okay pop off shakespeare i see u 👀

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 unfortunatelyy/n: I HATE YOU ALL ESPECIALLY YOU @charles_leclerc

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 charles_leclerc: it’s okay we all hate you too! 

|  unfortunatelyy/n: i don’t usually swear but you charles marc herve percival leclerc are one little shit 

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 charles_leclerc: DIE. 

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 user6: oof his ego took a hit with the full name 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: after you, ladies first 😌

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 charles_leclerc: @olliebearman come and get your girlfriend she’s escaped her cage 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: HEY THAT’S NOT FAIR @alexandrasaintmleux I’M ABOUT TO MURDER YOUR BOYFRIEND COME AND GET HIM BEFORE I DO

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 user4: HELP GUYS THE KIDS ARE FIGHTING 

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 olliebearman: @alexandrasaintmleux gf/bf duty calls 😔

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 alexandrasaintmleux: 😔

liked by olliebearman, lilymhe, lewishamilton, alexandrasaintmleux, carmenmmundt and 3,382,382 others 

unfortunatelyy/n: ready for this weekend! 

tagged olliebearman

view 18,372 comments

 olliebearman: thank you for the nice photos this time 🥰

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

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 unfortunatelyy/n: you’re welcome peasant 

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 olliebearman: i can never win around here 

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 user3: poor ollie 😔

user4: THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE IS KILLING ME 

user1: guys we’ve officially lost her to ferrari 😔

 landonorris: traitor. 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: excuse me child

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 landonorris: don’t play dumb, you abandoned mclaren and here i was thinking we were best friends 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: WHY DO YOU KEEP ATTACKING ME IN MY OWN INSTA COMMENTS FACE ME LIKE A MAN 

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 landonorris: don’t change the subject

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 user2: bro took a hit on his ego with that one 

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 landonorris: i’m calling in the reinforcements @charles_leclerc @georgerussell64 @alex_albon

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 unfortunatelyy/n: STOP 🛑✋

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 georgerussell64: she can’t even admit it 

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 alex_albon: shame on you 

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 charles_leclerc: why’d u call me i literally drive for ferrari

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 landonorris: cuz u roast her the best

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 unfortunatelyy/n: u guys suck

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 charles_leclerc: he’s not wrong 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: I HATE YOU 

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 charles_leclerc: the feeling is mutual 

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 landonorris: you not only betrayed me but the other idiots too

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 alex_albon: i speak for all williams fans when i say FOR SHAME 

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 georgerussell64: FOR SHAMEEEEEE

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 lilymhe: 🤨 whatchu hatin on my wifey for @alex_albon @georgerussell64

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 carmenmmundt: yeah? 🤨

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 alex_albon: @georgerussell64 help what do we do

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 georgerussell64: if anyone asks, i’ve left the country.

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 user5: GEORGE HELP 

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 alex_albon: how could you abandon me like that 

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 user6: such a fake friend fr 

liked by landonorris, olliebearman, oscarpiastri, georgerussell64, alex_albon, lilymhe and 6,829,200 others 

unfortunatelyy/n: cheat meal!

tagged olliebearman

view 38,292 comments 

user1: she’s never beating the alcoholic allegations im afraid 😔

 user2: WHY DOES THE FOOD LOOK SO GOOD, I’M BOOKING A FLIGHT TO MEXICO RN

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 user3: get zambrero?

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 user2: STFU IT’S NOT THE SAME 

 landonorris: caught in 4k 📸

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 olliebearman: @unfortunatelyy/n YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WERE GOING TO POST IT ON YOUR INSTA 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: darling, every photo i take is for my insta 

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 user4: oo that gave me the chills “darling”

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 user5: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER OLLIE SHE’S BRITISH NOW 

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 user6: y/n now: 🤓🇬🇧

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 ferrari: @olliebearman pick up the phone 

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 olliebearman: NO. 

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 user7: RUN OLLIE RUNNNN 

user8: god bless y/n for these photos may she reign forever 🙏

liked by unfortunatelyy/n 

user9: smh, guys we’ve lost y/n to the tequila, only god can help her now 

user10: get yourself someone who looks at you the way ollie looks at that bowl of food 

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

georgerussell64: why would you expose ollie like that, let my guy have his cheat meal without the entire internet coming after him 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: woah what happened to you 

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 georgerussell64: im afraid to ask what you mean 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: who knew george russell would vouch for MY BOYFRIEND 

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 georgerussell64: well it’s better than pushing him into the barriers every weekend 

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 olliebearman 😰

 user11: i have an odd itching feeling that the 2019 rookies still hate ollie for dating their younger sister 

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 user12: ya think 

liked by olliebearman, lilymhe, alexandrasaintmleux, carlossainz55, lewishamilton, francisca.cgomes and 5,382,493 others 

unfortunatelyy/n: i cant. it’s race day. 

view 38,492 comments 

 landonorris: wow. exposing me like that. i hope u die alone 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: doing it for the plot 🤷‍♀️

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 user7: AMEN SISTER 🙏🗣️

user1: poor lando, what was the tea tho 👀

user7: y/n’s got her priorities set straight 

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

user2: SPILL THE TEA LANDOOOOOOO 

 carlossainz55: what is tea 

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 olliebearman: it’s a drink??

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 olliebearman: oh.

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 unfortunatelyy/n: it’s okay i still love you 

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 olliebearman: ok 😔

 charles_leclerc: SPILL THE TEA Y/N 🗣️

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 carlossainz55: 🗣️🗣️

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 maxvertappen1: 🗣️🗣️🗣️

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 georgerussell64: 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

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 schecoperez: 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

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 landonorris: IF YOU TELL THEM YOU DIE 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: threatening me in my own comments, who do u think you are? |

 landonorris: . . .  your best friend . . . ? 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: nah, oscar’s my best friend now 

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 landonorris: @oscarpiastri ?

|  oscarpiastri: @unfortunatelyy/n: YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO TELL HIM

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 unfortunatelyy/n: whoops 🫢

|  landonorris: i see how it is 😔

 user4: still waiting to know what the tea is 

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 landonorris: YOU’LL NEVER KNOW 

|  unfortunatelyy/n: hm, we’ll see 👀

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 landonorris:😰

user5: oscar and y/n best friends confirmed 👍

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

 user6: the y/n i know would spill the tea 👀

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 unfortunatelyy/n: 👀

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 user6: HELP Y/N 

liked by olliebearman, landonorris, charles_leclerc, lilymhe, alexandrasaintmleux, francisca.cgomes and 8,382,859 others 

unfortunatelyy/n: love you to the moon and back a million times, always and forever, congratulations my love 🐻❤️

olliebearman: love you to the moon and back 🌙💞

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

user1: LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK? MY LOVE??? ARE U KIDDING ME 😭😭

user2: it’s the onions. it’s the onions. it’s the onions

user3: im not crying you are 

user4: homeboy’s turning 1 

user5: i can’t wait for lando to pop up in the comments it’s like whenever y/n posts he’s summoned or sum shit like that

user6: ah yes, young love 

user8: OMG I’M CRYINGGGG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

landonorris: @olliebearman u know, orange would look better on you, there’s a free seat available here at  mclaren 👀

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 oscarpiastri: i thought you said we were okay 

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 user9: why do they sound like an old couple tf 😭😭

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 landonorris: i say a lot of things i don’t mean, traitor 😤

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 oscarpiastri: you’re acting like a child 

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 landonorris: no you are!

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 oscarpiastri: says the guy who just used an exclamation mark in an insta comment 

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 landonorris: its official. i’m going to dive bomb you off the track next week 

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 oscarpiastri: what? after your DNF? cuz i don’t think that’s possible 

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 user8: DAYUM 

|  unfortunatelyy/n: ooooooh he got u there @landonorris 

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 landonorris: I HATE YOU, YOU STOLE MY BEST FRIEND 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: i can’t have stolen him if he was my friend first 

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 landonorris: wHaT. 

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 oscarpiastri: ah yes, the magic of childhood friends 

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 user7: HELP WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT 

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 landonorris: but she’s american and you’re australian. . . right?

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 unfortunatelyy/n: mhm sure 

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 olliebearman: 😦

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 landonorris: 😦

taglist time!: @ilivbullyingjeongin

a/n: thank you for reading if you got to the end! I hope it made you laugh, have a great day xx

[nicolesainz]

Darling (JB 22)

Jenson Button x f!reader (Mark Webbers Daughter)

A/N: Ya’ll can blame the Brawn Doc (which btw was great, go check it out)

Summary: A little visit to your dad’s old friend after the Goodwill festival wouldn’t hurt,right?

Warnings: minors dni, +18, suggestive smut, edging, fingering, p! in v!, age gap (reader is 22)

“Hey Jense, would you mind keeping an eye on her? Missus and I will fly back to Australia but she’s staying here for a friend’s party”

My father would’ve never let me stay in a hotel. It had to be Jenson. Out of all his friends, all the people in the fucking UK, it had to be him.

And reminded that I’m 22. Not underage. And I can legally drink, thank you very much.

“Of course mate. I have a spare room she can use. I’ll barely be home this weekend.” It was the British Grand Prix and he is a presenter for Sky Sports, hence why he won’t be around.

To be fair, I only watch the post race show just to admire him. But my dad doesn’t need to know that, or Jenson himself. He doesn’t have to know how handsome he is or how smart he sounds given his knowledge in Formula One.

What’s more attractive than that?

And the fact that I have secret screenshots of his shots in my phone, but again, no one needs to know.

“Let me get her luggage full of god knows what type of dresses. I don’t even know when she bought them!”

"I hope you know how old I am, dad" I roll my eyes at his comment as Jenson lets out a small giggle, earning a death glare from my dad.

"Before she leaves the house, please make sure to see what she's wearing. And if there are any boys in sight." my dad warns him, as if I am going to enroll myself in the army and fight the enemy, which to him, would've been more preferable compared to a party.

"Got it. We definitely know that you think she's 17" Jenson replies and my mother laughs along, as I try not to burst out.

"If you side with Y/N, I will break your Porche." My dad's voice raise and I glance at Jenson who has a look plastered on his face as if he was offended and scared by the threat.

"I have kids myself, I think she's going to be safe with me. Come on Mark! I was the only driver you never crashed with, kinda." He takes the luggage away from my mother's hands and waves them goodbye as I go and hug them.

"Take care kiddo and if you need anything, im a call away. Also if you want to go to the paddock, the passes are under my name" he kisses my head after having me squeezed in a tight hug.

"Y-yes dad, I know. Now please let me go because I cant breathe."

"Sorry" he sets me free and I join Jenson's side. God he's tall and broad.

"Alright now, shall we?" he looks down at me and I nod, unable to utter a single word, even though I've know him my whole life.

The boys in my university were dying to hear stories with the senior formula one drivers, coming from a daughter of one. It's a nice feeling to narrate all the success and glory of this sport.

"Seriously though, your bag is very light. Are you even carrying anything in here?" Jenson asks, weighing up and down my luggage, flexing his muscles as I try not to drool all over the place.

"Only necessities. Dresses, shoes, makeup, few outfits for the race and condoms." the last one quite shocked him but also was a way of teasing him, given my major crush.

"You have condoms, yet I didn't hear you say panties"

"Won't be needing any"

"And why is that, may I ask?"

"Cause I like to be free. More access and more fun" I wink at him and I stare at his lips, a smirk is growing as each word is leaving mine.

"So you are telling me, that right now, underneath this short but nonetheless breathtaking dress, no panties are worn?"

I get closer to him and whisper softly in his ear:

"Wanna see for yourself?"

Honestly, don't ask me where I found this much confidence and especially with someone twice my age. And a friend of my dad's.

"Behave yourself darling" he coughs lightly to clear his throat and grabs me by the waist, so my dress doesn't float from the summer breeze.

"And what if I don't want you, Mr. Button?"

"Then you'll wish you had never said that" he growls and immediately opens me the door to his McLaren.

When he gets in the drivers seat, he wastes no time and gets on the road instantly. During the ride, there's a comfortable silence filling the atmosphere, until the air coming out of Jenson's window pulls up my dress and his hand quickly falls on my thigh, holding it down once more.

Jenson decides to roll up his window but his hand remains on my thigh and this time, is holding it firmly and starts caressing it from the inside.

Soft sighs leave my mouth, but controlling them is inevitable when his touch was all I have been craving since I turned 18. His foot hits the gas harder, speeding and driving in between the other slower cars. He reminds me of the Jenson back in his Brawn days and I can feel myself pooling just at the thought.

It was the very right time when his hand cupped my bare pussy, feeling the wetness caused by barely a thought of him. The slight touch of his fingers on my trembling self has my knees going paralyzed. I feel like crying from pleasure and yet I don't even know if he's doing that on purpose to embarrass me or if he's actually enjoying it too.

"Oh baby, you're definitely not behaving yourself" he says as his index finger draws circles around my clit. My legs are clenching his hand inside me as the other one holds the steering wheel, looking at his knuckles that have turned white.

"Jenson" I breathe out and moan simultaneously as he starts pumping two fingers inside me fiercely, letting myself to his mercy and unable to react.

"This behavior will have consequences young lady. I warned you" he lets a soft kiss on the crock of my neck and feeling his beard scratching it, I go absolutely insane.

"Then punish me sir" I blurt out without thinking and Jenson drives in seconds at the spot in front of his house, stops the car and places me on top of his lap with just one hand.

Jenson's lips crash into mine without wasting a second as his fingers play with my uncontrollably wet pussy. The feeling of moaning is surely necessary and I don't hold back. My tongue dances with his and the kiss gets deeper like his fingers, hitting perfectly my soft spot.

"You are going to be the death of me" Jenson says as his mouth falls on my neck, sucking it off like there's no tomorrow. My hands try to unbuckle his belt and eventually make it to the part where I can feel his erection growing. It's true what they say, older men do it better.

In other instances I would have been furious, but Jenson ripping my dress, just so he can have better access at my breasts is incredibly hot. I don't care that I am left vulnerable at his sight. At this I was pleading it.

My breast hurt from his kisses and I know in a few hours small red dickies will be covering the surface. My fingers decide to trace the shape of his thick cock but I can tell he wants to feel me. I have teased him and he me, for way too long.

"If you keep being naughty I won't let you cum, dear" a groan escapes his body as I take his length in my hands and caress the veins that have popped out.

"Then I want you to fill me up with your cum" I take him by surprise and I can sense his heartbeat raising from worry. He regards me as something innocent, precious and fragile. Which I am. But I feel ready and I am.

"Are you sure? I mean, have you? Uh? Had sex before?"

"I-uh-well, no. But-"

"Baby we can't do it here. You don't deserve to have your first time on a car. You deserve to be worshipped."

Jenson's words make me blush and my heart was flattering as if I was a fifteen years old again, simply watching him race and get multiple podiums.

He looks around and opens the door of his house and then quickly rushes with me inside and shuts it with such force, my legs started trembling.

Suddenly, he picks me up and carries me all the way to his bedroom. A dark room filled with some of his most iconic trophies and with his smell that has been covering my entire body since the moment I entered his car.

He turns on the soft baby lights on the bedrest and takes a look at my flushed self, covered with hickies he's gifted me. His eyes scan me from head to toe as if he's about to feast.

"I want you to tell me to stop whenever you feel uncomfortable in any way." He kisses me softly and I nod my head, knowing that he would never hurt anyone.

Jenson stands up and with his strong arms parts my legs so he can have a clear vision of my already swollen womanhood. My breast are half showing from inside my bra and my lips are bitten to the core. I am a mess but he seems to like it.

He removes his shirt in quick motions revealing his god like crafted body with the hints of dark ink covering his lower v and shoulder. I had never seen them before and I am was very pleased with what was in front of my eyes.

It doesn't take him too long to strip off his trousers and be left with simply his boxers that were trying to hold in his hardened cock and my patience as well. They were giving me a preview of what was about to happen.

As Jenson lowered his body his hands were hoisting down his boxers, revealing himself and it wasn't just my mouth that was drooling but also my pussy.

His hands now were on the insides of my thighs, holding them fiercely, whilst mine were hanging around his neck. I felt like my heart was about t burst out of my chest.

"Are you ready baby?"

I was at loss for words so I gave him a final kiss for reassurance that he could continue.

In slow motions, he lowered even more and started inserting himself inside me, pumping slowly as I was trying to get used to his size. My cries were out of control as Jenson was deepening himself and my pussy was stretched to its limits.

"Jesus, you're clenching me so well darling" he breathed out and I tried to open my legs wider for his pleasure. Jenson was panting on the hem of my neck and upping the pace of his thrusts.

"Dear lord this feels so good" It feels better than good. As if I am in the seventh heaven. I don't think any man will ever make me experience this. And I don't think I want to either.

"Say that again" he demands with a harder thrust, hitting my G-spot, earning the biggest moan of the night, echoing at the entire house.

"You make me feel so damn good Jenson" I gulp hard as I try to catch my breath and scratch his back from the pain that this gives me.

"And I shall be the only one darling" he hoists me up and removes my bra with a single movement, freeing my breasts and enjoying the sight, as they are bouncing up and down along with the trusts.

"Only you Jenson" I scream his name as loud as I can and his chest fills with pride as I am reaching my height.

"Cum sweetheart. Let go" I can't hold it in much longer and I cum all over his cock. He doesn't remove himself from inside me and I don't want to. This felt so right even though for some it's very wrong.

"That was, perfect" I say in a whispering manner as I am unable to speak louder. I am so wasted but full of thrill.

"You deserve it. You deserve to be treated like that dear"

[sn0wp1anets]

observations about joel (mostly speech stuff) and interactions with others bc ive been hyperfixated since the beginning of time (also theres alot of bs commentary im sorry)

general stuff:

very very british like extremely british

'bloody' and 'blooming' ALOT - when he's annoyed or shocked or offended (im gonna call this his pseudo swearing for the rest of this for convenience)

instead of very he says 'well' sometimes (e.g. "this bloody pico park music is well annoying) and "absolutely"

instead of really he says 'proper' sometimes so "stress is proper northern" etc

instead of 'i haven't' he says "i've not"

he gives an explanation for basically everything he does and instead of because he says 'as' alot

'to be honest' "i bloody hate woodwork to be honest" (sometimes he says 'to be honest with you' too)

'innit' occasionally "it's like waterslide innit"

'like so'

'by the look of it'

he gets irritated really easily - "for goodness sake" and he'll start cutting himself off alot "this bloody-" and also his voice gets much more high pitched and his pseudo swearing gets way more frequent. also 'blooming heck'

(and also this isn't super relevant but when he gets mad all his friends start commenting on it and its the funniest thing- in the overcooked stream as soon as he starts getting annoyed everyones like 'oh here he is')

i didn't know if i should put this in a specific section but he says 'babe' alot - not just to lizzie but to jimmy like ALOT and also in general - i'll talk about this a bit more later tho !

pauses alot: in between words/phrases, and also before he answers questions (this is not as often but also if he wants someone to stop him- he was playing scrabble and was basically asking if someone could spell out vagina so he was slowly going 'and a g....and an i...and a n...' etcetc idk this isnt relevant i just thought it was worth mentioning)

he's kinda an oversharer 😭 ? (this is lh hes 31 im sure he shares what he thinks is appropriate) but at any given moment he starts giving details about his life- a kinda memorable example of this is in mcc26(?) when w*lbur made fun of his accent so he started telling a story about his grandfather and giving alot of details about him after he said he couldnt talk too much about it AND grian begged him to stop

repeats things (especially when he's annoyed) : "game's a bloody joke. game's a bloody joke"

he basically never says 'oh my god' its always 'oh my gosh' or 'oh gosh' sometimes its 'oh jesus'

his voice is generally higher pitched and more expressive in videos than in streams but this is more of a general cc thing than a specific joel thing

very confident in his builds (AS HE SHOULD BE !!!) and he'll share his thoughts alot : "i think it's come together really well" "lovely" "i'm really happy with it/with how it's turned out" etcetc

when he narrates he uses a mixture of 'I' and 'We'. what i've noticed is he uses I for his thoughts ("i feel like" "i think") and we for everything else ("we need" "we're quite high in the sky" etc)

'genuinely'

'what (are) you on about'

'what the heck'

he will say very random (kind of odd) things just out of nowhere as if its normal and he'll only realize it's weird when someone questions it? e.g. the mumbo trauma dumping bit in SL, or in one of jimmy's streams he said 'until i get back to the hotel if yk what i mean' and jimmys like 'i dont' and joel just goes 'idk either'

accent stuff:

it's really recognizable idk what to say

very northern: hes from yorkshire - his accent used to be stronger in his old videos but you can definitely still hear it (like its still super different from grian or like mumbo idk)

his 'th' sounds come out as 'f' (idk if this is an accent thing or a joel thing but he's talked about it and said his family members have it too)

again not sure if this is an accent or joel thing but when he says any word with 'con' he says it kinda differently- it's hard to describe but for example when most people say convention the 'on' sound is more like a 'un' sound? whereas with joel its very much an 'o' sound like in 'box' or 'coffee' (genuinely have no idea how else to explain it but in phonetic symbols- joel essentially never says /ʌ/ it's almost always /ɒ/ when its a 'con' word)

jimmy-

NICKNAMES !!! 'jim' is used alot - more than anyone else and one of the only people who calls him this. hes used 'mr neutron' too (idk how many times'

(he also doesnt actually say tim/timmy often and when he does its exclusively when grian is present)

typical british male friendship nicknames: 'lad' 'big man'

when he joins jimmy's stream he always says hi in a very dramatic way?? usually with a pretty deep voice (idk this is just something i noticed)

he calls him a loser alot?

(this might be more of a bad boys point) but joel is generally not that mean to jimmy? definitely he's meaner than he was a few years ago but that makes sense because they weren't as close but. he'll call him a loser and stupid/idiot sometimes but his main 'bullying jimmy' momentsare usually always when he's with someone else (usually grian, sometimes fwhip)

'what are you doing jimmy' or sometimes 'what are you doing with your life'

lizzie:

'babe' like all the time. once lizzie mentioned that they don't even really use each other's names alot because they just say 'babe' all the time

oli:

ok so joel really doesn't use that much like modern internet language but oli does and then joel will pick up on it (its cute but also horrifying sometimes)- he kept saying 'dogs' in reference to feet after oli said it

they flirt alot but differently to how he does with jimmy (hes more passive whereas with jimmy he initiates it more idk how else to describe it)

he calls him 'man' sometimes

he's also really giggly around oli theyre adorable

(tbh theres so much more to say about oli and lizzie but idk if i have the energy and time for like 10+ years of interactions rn - and honestly alot more for everyone else too but like.)

grian:

in general joel picks up on people's energy etc and mimics it alot but it happens so much with grian specifically - this sounds very weird but the more time he spends with grian in one go the more he starts to act like grian (especially with interactions with jimmy)

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Okay every time I read one of your celtophobia posts I am filled with immediate and incandescent rage, enough to propulse the responsible idiots into space but not to bring them back again. I'm really sorry about the """""lecturer"""""" you had to sit through this morning, and any other instances that happen. Hugs.

That said, I am very worried of doing the same thing and want to make my utmost sure I don't, so I thought it'd be okay to ask someone from a language that has to fight for space for politeness tricks. Apologies if this is not okay!

Context: I'm from continental Europe, which means English is my second language (I speak three languages and a half ish, the half is in process, because #languagenerd). I'm moving to Ireland come September, and I'm absolutely terrified of offending the good Irish people when I don't know how to pronounce their names, surnames, street names, or anything else; or, worse, try and end up butchering them in the manner of the British.

Dilemma: How can I ask for help when pronouncing things in a delicate way? I was thinking of signing up to Irish courses once I'm there, but for now I'm panicking about the actual move so I can't get a head start with that because my brain space is limited, and other than watching YouTube videos with the most common Irish names/words ahead of arriving, I honestly don't know. I want to be culturally sensitive and make sure they feel respected and not Colonised, Part Three Hundred, but also they shouldn't have to bear the weight of my lack of cultural knowledge and Teach Me? Idk. Just thoughts.

Good question! I suppose it's a two-part procedure:

Step 1: Learn a pronunciation guide. By that I just mean get to grips with the alphabet, common phonemes, etc and how those are said. With something like Welsh it's super easy (because phonetic), something like English it's super hard (because not phonetic); Irish is a bit more complex than Welsh, but still more phonetic than English. You might not be able to get to a "perfect every time" place, but you can get yourself to a "right most times" place.

Step 2: If you encounter a name you aren't 100% sure of, offer your best educated guess when asking. This shows that you have done the work, you are making a genuine attempt, but you still have the humility to ask to make sure.

When I say "best educated guess", I mean it's clear that you're guessing based on a working knowledge of the language rules in question. In Welsh, for example, if someone asks me how to pronounce "Cymru", there is a world of difference between someone saying "Sim-roo" (based on English pronunciation rules transposed onto Welsh) and "Kim-ree" (based on Welsh pronunciation rules, they just forgot which pronunciation of 'y' to use for the syllable it's in.) If someone says to me "How do you say that? Sim-roo?" then I know they haven't attempted any prior learning (though points for being interested enough to ask.) But if they say "Am I right in thinking it's Kim-ree?" then I know they've made the effort themselves, they've done the work, they just have a carry error that's skewed the answer.

Plus, you may well be right! And will be right more and more often the longer you're in Ireland.

If it helps, there's an Irish pronunciation guide here that's pretty good (or was back when I used it), and teanglann.ie is a pretty good resource for this, as it's a dictionary that lets you hear the words aloud and explains grammatical uses. (Irish people please feel free to add any other resources to the notes if you feel so inclined!)

As a final note, mind, given that you don't have time atm to dedicate brain space to this, speaking as a Welsh person I would be absolutely fine with someone saying to me "Sorry, I haven't had chance to learn yet, how do I say this?", or some variant thereof. Or, frankly, anything that's just... a polite request, and not laughing about it. I would take a thousand instances of "How do I say that? Sim-roo?" over even one "I don't know how to say that, haha" because the former is still caring enough to ask. So don't panic! A polite request will see you right.

[yaptown]

"x reader" Headcannons(various fandoms)

I would like to iterate that while these are all my thoughts and opinions, I understand that I'm not necessarily breaking new ground here and that not everyone will agree with me. NOW, without further adieu....

The Mazerunner

First of all I would like to address what nicknames they would use(baby, honey, etc.)

I feel like Minho would be a repeat offender, meaning he would call an s/o any nickname/pet name under the moon. You would never be able to tell whether he did it to be sweet or just to annoy you.(probably both ngl) I feel like he would lean towards babe/baby tho.

Frypan is husband material(at least in the movies, haven't finished reading the books T-T), and you cannot convince me otherwise. He would call an s/o honey, I will not elaborate further.

This one's for the boys, Newt would call you love, darling, etc.(I'm sorry he's just so British)

Thomas would ironically call an s/o Mommy or Daddy, for the lols(hes just a silly guy lmao). Like Minho he'd probably call you certain pet names like "sweetpea" just to annoy you, but honestly he would most often call you a variation of your name.

Gally would call a shorter s/o shortstack or something of the sort, and he would call you princess if you're a girl. (ik most people find it corny or cringe, but personally, I appreciate it)<3<3<3

Harriet would call you babe, and I have this idea that if you were a girl she would call you mama. With all due respect I refuse to take any criticism of this 😊

Theresa is a softie and we all know it so she would call an s/o honey or sweetie. I'm leaning more towards the latter.

Next I would like to share two headcannons that I physically cannot stop thinking about

This comes from the depths of my soul lol

Minho would pull you in by you belt loops to kiss you. (You're welcome) And the way this thought has me going absolutely feral is illegal🙏

Frypan is the type to hug you from behind, spin you around, and kiss all over your face(again, this man is husband material)

The Hunger Games

Live, Laugh, Love and fear Cato Hadley

The grip this man has on my heart should be illegal

Your honor he's so babygirl(He's my Miguel O'Hara, you cannot judge me <3)

"Look at her, I would die for her, I would kill for her" vibes. I mean it going both ways cause if you like this man, you are also willing to do so. At least I am ;)

I feel like he's very confident in himself and would take any chance to show off how strong/capable he is. Would walk around shirtless and tell you "take a picture, it'll last longer" if you so much as glance in his general direction

In all seriousness though, this man would be an absolute sweetheart to his s/o💕

AFK Journey

Last and certainly not least 💕Merchant Philip💕

If you have played AFK Journey and done the Philip's worries side-quest, you are blessed with knowing of the existence of my one true love

He would be so doting to an s/o, I'm sure of it

He would be completely clueless on how relationships work and he would try so hard 😭

#husband material

He would come home with cool rocks and swear they're ancient treasures

The moment he actually finds his first valuable relic, he would give it to you. If it's a precious stone, he would have it made into a ring and propose

He's the sweetest soul and I love him

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @iamburdened - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x British she/her!reader

Nice To Meet Ya

“There’s no racial motive, but the unsub is only targeting males.” JJ begins the discussion, her eyes not leaving the folder in her hands as her words float to the rest of the team onboard the jet.

Derek shrugs. “It’s gotta be a male - he feels threatened by other guys entering his territory.”

Rossi shakes his head. “But his murders arent frenzied, he’s calm, sophisticated; not like a wild animal. There’s some object of infatuation within the area, he attacks before any of these men can get to it.”

Spencer frowns. “He’s under the impression that whatever he’s possessive over is already his, he can protect it from afar and keep it for himself.”

Hotch speaks up. “We need to find out what his infatuation is. JJ and Derek, I’d like you to examine the first crime scene. Rossi, you and Reid are the best of us to investigate the town itself.”

Spencer shuffles awkwardly in his seat. “Why?”

JJ smiles at him. “You’re young enough to not look like an agent, and Rossi’s Italian.”

The team chuckles, before their focus falls back on their folders.

As soon as he sets foot outside of the police station, Spencer notices the words ‘Tourist Tracker’ are plastered on the front page of every local newspaper he sees. They really couldnt come up with a better title for this unsub? He shakes his head and carries on walking. Rossi chuckles as he notices the newspapers. One of the biggest downsides to being invited to a case late: the media gets ahold of it. The town is on full alert. At first, people assumed the stabbings on the edge of town were random altercations, robberies gone wrong; it took far too long for the authorities to consider this the work of a serial offender. Five men had already been stabbed to death. A single, precise stab to the heart.

For Spencer’s first task of investigation, he has been sent to library, much to his own relief. A library was the closest thing to a version of heaven that Spencer had ever experienced: thousands of books and minimal human interaction, it was sheer bliss. He had been sent to investigate significance of a particular book that the unsub had left at a crime scene. After talking with the victim’s family, they knew the book was not something he would have had with him, and it was up to Spencer to deduce what had caused the unsub to leave this particular book beside a dead man.

As he rounds the corner, Spencer notices a woman locking the door to the library building, and he panics. Sprinting over to her, he accidentally startles her, but much to his surprise, she smiles at him.

“Hello! You’re not a familiar face!” Her greeting is warm, her voice and accent delightful the moment it reaches Spencer’s ears. A British girl, lord have mercy.

He takes a moment to respond, shocked at someone seemingly excited to speak to him. “No, Im not. Im-“

She interrupts him. “Wait, dont tell me, student or qualified Doctor?”

Spencer frowns in confusion. “Doctor, how did you know?”

She smiles and nods, eyeing him up and down. “Well, Doctor, you are the only person I have seen nail that fashion outside of tv, so congratulations on that! Is there something you needed?”

He blinks rapidly and awkwardly grabs for the book in his satchel. “Yes, sorry, could you tell me about this book?”

She gasps at the sight of it. “Oh my god! Where did you find it!?!”

Spencer passes it to her. “It’s probably best if you dont know that.”

His ambiguity doesnt bother her as she turns the book over in her hands, completely enthralled by it. “This has always been one of my favourites. It was stolen from the library last week! We have multiple versions, I assumed a kid stole it but couldnt think why. Lord Of The Rings isnt exactly the first book I’d consider steal-worthy.” Her eyes widen and she looks up at Spencer. “Let’s put her back where she belongs!”

With that, she unlocks the library doors and rushes inside. If Spencer wasnt already convinced she was the librarian, the certainty in which she ran to a specific aisle and shelf within the building was a real teller.

“Do you have any security cameras?” Spencer asks as he turns on his heel and admires the floors of books.

“In a library? Nah!” She chuckles, walking back over to him. “So, now Im not touching it, tell me what gruesome hole of goo you found that book in.” She crosses her arms over her chest and Spencer knows it’s useless arguing with her.

“It was found next to one of the murder victims, we have reason to believe the killer placed if by him and we dont know why.” He explains.

She raises her eyebrows. “You’re a Doctor in the FBI?” She facepalms. “Of course you are! Why didnt I get that? Bloody hell. A non-familiar face hasnt been in town since that guy started killing people! Of course you’re with the FBI!”

Spencer shakes his head, stopping her ramble. “What makes you so sure the unsub is a man?”

She shrugs. “Easy, the men dont have anything in common, not a single personality trait that would link them as romantic interests of one person, and women are only driven to kill that many men who have wronged her; and speaking from experience, the main list of men that heterosexual or bisexual women contemplate killing is filled with her ex’s. None of the men were gay either, so it wasnt romantic.”

The agent’s eyes widen, slightly alarmed at her casual suggestion that she’s considered killing one or more of her ex’s, but he hopes she’s joking. “How do you know all of that!?!”

She casually walks past him, heading for the exit, and he stumbles after her. “A girl’s gotta protect herself, so I did my research to see if I needed to take up karate lessons.”

Once they’re back on the street, she locks the library door again, while Spencer recovers from that quick burst of intelligence.

“Anyway, I hope you catch the guy. Let me know if I can do anything to help!” She calls.

Spencer’s head snaps up. “Wait, I didnt ask your-“ but by the time he looks down the street, she’s already disappeared.

He’s still beating himself up about his impoliteness in forgetting to ask her name when he finds himself standing in the local bar. The ticket he had to purchase to enter the scene undetected was in his pocket, and it was identical to the ticket found in the second victim’s hand. No alcohol was found in his system, and bouncers confirmed they’d never seen him. It’s a decently tight-knit community, everyone knows someone who knows someone else and they know everyone. This unsub’s signature is leaving items with his victim’s that do not belong to them, and thus far there has been no connection made between the items.

A particular smile catches the young genius’s eye, and when his gaze returns, he realises it’s her. The spaghetti strap, deep purple glitter number that hugged her body in the best way was enough to send Spencer’s head spinning.

To make matters worse, she‘s laughing, dancing, grinding on her friends, running her hands through her hair. She’s having the time of her life. Spencer realises he’s staring when she glances over in his direction and catches him in the act. He coughs and acts distracted, looking to his wrist at a watch he isnt wearing.

“Hey Doctor! I didnt expect to see you here!” She shouts over the music.

Spencer is stop light red, and for the first time in his life he’s genuinely thankful for strobe lights.

“Still on duty!” He shouts back.

She pouts sadly before she returns to her usual smile. “Guess there’s no point in asking you to dance, I’ll just give you this instead!”

She pulls a pen from her small strap purse and holds her hand out. Spencer takes her hand in a strange sort of handshake, then she abruptly turns his hand, rolls his shirt sleeve up, and writes her phone number on his arm, before rolling his sleeve back down and hiding it. Standing on her tiptoes, she leans close to his ear.

“The girl you were just staring at is called (Y/N), by the way.” She giggles before running back over to her friends.

Spencer truly cant believe his luck. She gave him her number, and was considerate enough to do it in a way that none of the team would see. What a woman.

Spencer happens to see her on both Saturday and Sunday after that. On Saturday, she was browsing flower’s in the florists opposite the trash can that was in a photograph found in the throat of the third victim. On Sunday, she jogged round the corner and directly into him as he followed a set of directions from a specific landmark in the town, found in the trouser pocket of the fourth victim. On Saturday, he was too far away to form a conversation with her, but the two of them shared a smile. On Sunday, they had a conversation that mainly consisted of laughing about how they kept bumping into each other. None of the victims had any connection to (Y/N), so Spencer had ruled out the possibility of her being anything more than an innocent resident of the town.

On Monday, while on his way to the grocery store where the unsub had purchased a bell pepper found in the fifth victim’s vomit, Spencer decides to visit the library and formally apologise to (Y/N) for not already calling her. But, she wasnt there. The member of staff who was at the desk told Spencer it was (Y/N)’s day off, and he left the library feeling scolded by fate. Of course, the two of them could randomly meet every single day for three days, but when he went looking for her she was nowhere to be found. He continues his walk to the grocery store with a strong sense of irritating irony.

As soon as he arrives at the grocery store, though, his anger evaporates into the air, because there she is. Her tongue sticks out of the corner of her mouth slightly as she browsers different vegetables, crouching on the floor to reach the bottom shelf. Fate was on his side after all. The bell rings at the door to announce Spencer’s entrance, and when (Y/N) looks up, she immediately beams in pleasant surprise.

“Hey Doctor! Fancy seeing you here!” They both chuckle at her greeting as she stands up and walks over to him.

“Hey (Y/N)! Im technically still on duty, but I need to apologise for not calling you sooner, I’ve just-“

She places a finger on his lips to shush him. “You’re literally in the FBI, I understand you’re busy.”

They both chuckle again.

“So, what’re you doing here?” Spencer immediately regrets asking a question with such an obvious answer.

“Oh y’know, the most exhillerating task of my Mondays: the weekly shop!” Despite her knowing his question was a little silly to ask, she answers honestly without making a fool of him. Spencer cant express how much he appreciates that.

“And what British delicacy are you planning to cook with all of that?” He gestures to the basket of groceries hanging from her hand.

She smiles. “Vegetable stir-fry! Only the most British dishes in my household!”

Spencer laughs, both of them fully aware that stir-fries are the furthest thing from a British delicacy.

He walks with her as she pays for her groceries, and before he can object, (Y/N) says she has to get home and start cooking right away. It’s 3pm, Spencer knows she’s just being kind and leaving him to do what he was sent to do, he wishes she’d stop doing things to make him fall for her. Spencer asks the man at the cash point to print off a record of every bell pepper purchase in the past 2 weeks, since the bell pepper in the victim’s vomit was fresh with no signs of mould and the man was murdered the previous week. Unfortunately, there had been a problem with the security cameras in the grocery store for months and they didnt have the money to get them fixed, so there would still be no footage of the unsub.

Spencer arrives back at the police station to confront his team with the dooming realisation that he found nothing of note. When he finds his team surrounding a vase of flowers, though, his mood changes.

“They have to be from the unsub.” Derek comments, passing a small note to JJ.

Spencer darts over to JJ. “Can I see that?”

JJ nods, her curiosity over Spencer’s alarm evident on her face as she passes him the note.

She’s mine.

Spencer’s blood runs cold. The flowers in the vase are deep purple daisies, the same shade as her dress on Friday night. The picture of the trash can was opposite the florist these flowers were likely purchased from. The book was one of her favourites, from her library. The directions crossed her jogging path. The bell pepper was purchased from her local grocery shop, by the victim who was killed exactly a week ago, on the day of her weekly shop for groceries. And the purple string that is tying the flowers together in the vase isnt a string at all. It’s one of the spaghetti straps from her dress.

“I know what his infatuation is. We need to go now, I’ll explain on the way!” Spencer’s words were rushed, panicked, and he’s already speeding out of the door, the rest of the team following him.

As quickly as he possibly can, he informs the team of every occasion he had seen/spoken to her. Clearly, someone had been stalking her, and anyone watching her would notice her getting close to a member of the FBI, which would lead to them knowing they’d be identified sooner or later. Spencer had been blinded by his own desire for her to not be in any danger, he had unintentionally been doing exactly what the unsub wanted him to do: take time figuring this out. The unsub had essentially revealed himself in the note and the flowers sent directly to the team, which meant he was entering his endgame, and it‘s impossible to tell what this would mean for the girl Spencer has started to fall for.

There will never be a more perfect time for him to call her. Hotch leads the team’s vehicles as they speed down the street, Spencer sits beside him in the passenger seat with his phone pressed to his ear. He’d dialled her number with shaking hands, the sound of a phone ringing had never been more terrifying to him.

By the time they reached her address, very efficiently provided by Penelope, Spencer had called and been sent to voicemail three times. The team didnt need any further reason to hesitate, Derek kicked the door open and Spencer barged into her home.

“FBI!” He calls out, his voice firm, every instinct in his body telling him he’s ready to fight, but he is simultaneously so afraid. Until he hears her voice.

“In here!”

Spencer follows the sound, and the scene he ran into was truly a sight to behold. (Y/N) was leaning against the kitchen doorframe casually, panting with a hand on her hip. A man lay unconscious on her living room floor on his stomach, his head turned to the side, the half the team could see was burnt somehow.

“What happened?” Spencer asks as he steps over the man and reads her face for any sign of trauma, but he can see she’s running on adrenaline.

“Whacked him with my frying pan, didnt I.” Her words are so casual, but everyone on the team is in awe. She fought off a man with a knife, with a frying pan.

JJ looks over the unconscious man. “How many times?”

She smiles. “Once with the side of the pan to knock him out, second time to make sure he was out, but I used the bottom that time because he made me ruin a perfectly good stir-fry.”

The fried vegetables scattered on her kitchen floor solidify her reasoning.

Derek chuckles and shakes his head. “Kid, you’d better not get on the wrong side of her!”

Spencer smiles, feeling relief flood him. “Trust me, I wont.”

(Y/N) starts to laugh, but she immediately cuts herself off by hissing in pain and clutching at her side, which her hand was previously holding. Spencer’s eyes almost fall out of his skull.

“(Y/N), what happened?” He asks again, so much more weight in his question than before.

She smiles guilty. “Well, I had a sneaking suspicion he was after me since everywhere I went, I bumped into you investigating things that all led you to me. When you called, though, I forgot all about that and was just so happy, I turned to pick up my phone and that’s when I saw him in the corner of my eye. Grabbed the pan, but wasnt quite quick enough, he got me first.” She slips a little, progressively becoming too weak to stand, and Spencer is quick to catch her.

“WE NEED A MEDIC!” He shouts, and while JJ shoves the unsub into a police car, Derek and Hotch run out of the house to call the medic in.

Before she knows it, (Y/N) is on a stretcher being wheeled into an ambulance. Medics are already swarming her trying to stop the bleeding and identify how severe the wound is. The sound of the ambulance swarms her ears, until the doors close and it sounds like she’s under water all of a sudden. Then, she sees Spencer. He sits beside her and takes her hand in his, and she smiles at him. A relaxed and tired smile, it contrasts so much to the bright, excited grins he’s used to seeing on her face. He feels his chest tighten.

“If only you’d been calling me to ask me out on a date, instead of warning me of my attempted murder.” She jokes, her voice so much softer than Spencer had ever heard it.

“I’ll make you a deal: you get through this, and I’ll take you on your dream date.” He replies, holding back tears with a gentle smile on his face.

“Deal, just let me have a nap beforehand.” She says, her eyes already closing and that smile still staying on her face.

Once he’s sure she’s passed out from the painkillers, Spencer lifts her hand to his lips and gives her a kiss. He isnt sure whether it’s for good luck, or to seal the deal about the date, or to convey feelings. Maybe it’s all the above. He doesnt have time to conclude a reason, because she squeezes his hand, and although her eyes are still closed, he knows. Whatever the reason was, she understood.

[jessnotfoundd]

how many kids does the boys want to have? any specific age gaps? i wanna know everything

Dream

He wanted to have two, after Dylan, your son, he begged you to please start with a baby trying so they won't be so different in age, but you decided to wait a year, and then try again because you would be super tired having to take care of Dylan and be pregnant. At least a year to get used to the parenting life. He was okay with a year.

What he didn't expect, after that year, and you got pregnant again, the very big surprise was when at one appointment, the doctor told you both that you were having twins. Istg he almost passes out there.

Sapnap

He wasn't sure how many kids he wanted to have, but after Ashley, he was sure to want another one, but he didn't want to pressure you.

But 3 years later, you tell him, you're pregnant. He's shocked. The happiest man standing on earth.

-Hope this time's a boy, so we can play basketball together.- he jokes and both of you laugh. Ashley sleeping, and you both sitting in the kitchen.

-I'm super lucky to be with you.- I lean my head to rest it on his shoulder.

-Yeah, I'm the reason these kids are gonna be the prettiest at school.- he whispers and he goes again.- We should be tagged as "the hottest people alive"- he left a kiss on your head and drinks his last bit of coke so he could throw the can.

And yes, the baby arrive, and Ashley was obsessed with her little brother. You couldn't happier. You both formed a perfect family.

George

Well, he was so happy to be a father, he wanted a girl so you tried three times, and she finally came. Aaron and Isaac were 6 and 4 when she was born. Madison was the princess of the house, and George was always telling the boys that they have to protect her at all costs. The boys would take this very seriously and would try to be with her all the time. They would be so gentle when playing with her. The British were proud of them.

-So, you're telling me, this- you point at the broken cup- was about to hurt Madison?- the two boys have their eyes on his feet.

-Okay mom, we broke it, and not, he was not gonna hurt madison, we are really sorry.- and it's there when you realized you both did a good job.

-It's okay, I was worried about you two getting hurt with the broken cup, I'm glad you're both safe, go play with your dad.- they run straight to George.

Karl

Only one, a little girl, Sarah Anne Jacobs. He was terminated because he was okay with only one, and the fact that you had a dangerous pregnancy. It was hard for him when the doctor ask him aside when labor started if in any case, who should he save, you or the baby.

He couldn't decide, both were terrible and left him shaking in the waiting area. When he saw both of you he knew it was a miracle, and he didn't want to go through that again.

Quackity

Two girls, Olivia was 4 when Victoria arrived, she was a little jealous, but he made sure to let her go that none of you would love her less just because you were gonna have another baby.

-plus, you'll have someone to dress as a princess- he says smiling.

-Uncle Karl is not gonna dress as a princess with me anymore?- she pouts and you admire how pretty she is, so like Alex.

-You'll be three then.- he pinches her little cheeks and she smirks.

Punz

A girl and a boy, Matthew was 2 when both of you got the news, Luke was happy, but he drive you crazy about he wanted to have a girl.

-If it is not a girl, well keep trying- he has you seated on his lap, Matthew just fall asleep like a minute ago.

-This is the last pregnancy ill go through.- you smirk.

-Fine.- he sounds offended.

When the baby turned out to be a girl, he was all over you, super proud of saying that he manifested it.

-You can't manifest a baby's gender- you insist.

-Then how do you explain?- he looks at you with a smirk and then his eyes are on the road again.

You just rolled your eyes and let him think he manifested the baby's genre.

Foolish

Angela was enough, he was happy with the baby girl and you, so the baby's factory was momentarily closed. Not wanting more kids.

At least for now, she's 5 months old and she's calm basically perfect.

Wilbur

Jessica was 6, Emily was 5, and Lily was 2 when you both settled down and decided to be 5 members of a family. Wilbur was in love with her three girls. Four actually.

Tommy was proud of both of you and he was the funny uncle the girls would run every time you say no to something they asked.

[imagineanime2022]

S/O Who Celebrates The Day Of The Dead

Shigaraki X Reader, Dabi X Reader, Mr Compress X Reader, Spinner X Reader

Requested: Anon

Request: Since October is coming up soon, I was thinking what is the league of villains had a S/O who’s quirk is “Catrina” (which is a female day of the dead skeleton) and she celebrates ‘El Dia de los mortals’ which is Spanish for “the Day of the dead” because I know some people celebrate that instead of Halloween and I just thought it would be an interesting idea?

A/N: I am sorry if I have offended anyone with anything that is in this piece, I'm the most British person that you will ever meet so I don't know a lot about this celebration of what is encompassed in celebrating it, I tried to stay as generic as possible as not to offend anyone but that being said if there is anything that is wrong or offensive please let me know so that I can change it 😁

Hero Ver, Student Ver

Tomura Shigaraki

🖐 Probably knew what The Day Of The Dead was but he doesn’t have any in depth knowledge of it, mostly because he didn’t know anyone who celebrated it, until you came along. 🖐 He’s not going to ask any questions but he’ll listen to what you're saying, and might tell you that he has no reason to celebrate, since he doesn’t mourn anyone that has died. 🖐 If you catch him at the right time he might humour you by sitting with you while you create a memorial for all of the people you’ve lost. 🖐 You won’t always have him there but he’d never try to stop you from celebrating even if you ended up taking up his space to do it.

Shigaraki walked down into the bar frowning at the bright colours and the skulls that decorated the interior “what is going on?” He asked Kurogiri who was cleaning a glass behind the bar. “Ask (Y/N) they’re the one who’s decorating.” Kurogiri answered as he gestured to you, Shigaraki only then noticed you in the corner of the room trying to put something up, paper flowers. “What are you doing?” Shigaraki asked as he walked over to where you were. “I’m just decorating…” You answered “you don’t have to worry about it, you’ve already said that there is no one dead that you wish to celebrate.” “Mmm.” Shigaraki hummed. “That’s today?” “It is.” You nodded. “I’m just making a memorial for the people that I’ve lost, I won’t bother you.” “I never said that you were bothering anyone.” Shigaraki said and you looked at him and shrugged as he moved back over to the bar and sat down taking out his game. “You know my mum used to say that they could see you, hear you when you made these memorials, they were here with us, they’re supposed to walk with us on this day.” You explained. “I wonder if they would be disappointed.” “Disappointed?” He asked. “I thought this was supposed to be a celebration, why are you getting sad?” “So you do listen when I talk about all this.” You smiled and he rolled his eyes. “If you are going to take up space doing this, then do it right.” He ordered, he didn’t mean a single word of that, he would have let you do whatever you wanted.

Dabi

🔥 Dabi knows what the day of the dead is and honestly he liked the celebration more than the typical halloween that was more commonly celebrated, that being said he probably wouldn’t tell you that. 🔥 He’ll ask questions in a sort of antagonistic way, he wants to know about the tradition but he’s not in the right frame of mind to just ask, so if you could answer the questions without getting too annoyed at him it’ll work out well for both of you. 🔥 You're likely to have your own apartment so he’d probably find his way around when you were celebrating. 🔥 I don’t think he’d be too picky about the food he eats, open to trying new things if the person that made them was trustworthy, so he’d definitely eat whatever you make, but good luck if he likes something because you literally won’t get any of it.

Dabi walked into the apartment rolling his eyes at the fact that you front door was never locked, he looked over the living room and before long his eyes fell on the small memorial in the corner of the room, he noticed that all of his favourite foods littered the space around where he assumed a picture would go, instead there was a painted skull that had beautiful designs where he knew his scars were on his face. “Oh I didn’t know that you were here.” You said as you walked out of the kitchen. “Maybe you should lock your door, then you’d know who was in your house.” He answered as he looked over at the memorial “should I be worried?” “What?” You asked with a frown before finally looking where he was. “Oh! No I just… Everytime that I ask you who you were before this, you tell me it doesn’t matter because the kid that you were died, so this time I decided that I’d celebrate the boy that died to make you because without him I wouldn’t have ever met you.” You explained, he looked at you for a second “I just never had a picture of you when you were younger to put on there so I… Just put your favourite food on there and well… I was going to celebrate the way I had every other year.” “You don’t even know that kid.” Dabi rolled his eyes. “I know parts of him, the parts that were strong enough to live on, I know the person that his anger, fear and pain made, I only hope that with the celebration of his death it will give time for his happiness, love and wonder to be reborn.” You explained. “I’ve always wanted to know him and every year I’ll show what’s left of him that I am waiting to meet him when he is ready to introduce himself.” “And if he’s never ready?” Dabi asked, his throat almost felt like it was closing, he wanted to end this conversation but he worried that he would lose you if he did. “Then I will find comfort in knowing that he once existed.” You answered with a smile, you walked over pressing a kiss to his cheek, clearing throat before turning back to the kitchen “come in when you're ready or leave if that makes you feel more comfortable.” You said softly, you meant no malice just giving him a choice before turning back into the kitchen leaving him alone but you were only in there for a second before hands found their way onto your hips. “You think words are enough to scare me off?” He asked, “I’ll tell you one day, I promise you that.” “A promise is good enough.” You assured him.

Mr Compress

🔮 Compress honestly knows quite a bit about the day of the dead, mostly because the first time he met you he connected your villain costume to the holiday. 🔮 He still asks questions because he loves to see you talk about it, see how happy you are when you talk through everything. You could say the same thing 3 times and he would nod along like it was the first time that you said it. 🔮 He’ll take the time to celebrate with you, if you have stories to tell or places to visit he’ll go with you, mask off and all, he’s here for you. 🔮 Helps you to decorate, never complains and let’s to run the day, no matter what it is that you want to do.

You had been up for a little while, you had made breakfast for when Atsuhiro woke up and you started decorating the small apartment that you shared, you were humming to yourself as you held up two different decorative flowers. “(Y/F/C) one is better.” Atsuhiro’s voice sounded from behind you before his arms wrapped around you. “You're awake.” You smiled “good morning.” “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to oversleep.” He said softly. “You didn’t oversleep, I’m just up early.” You assured him. “You should have woken me.” He muttered, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “Why would I wake you up?” You asked. “I want to help you.” He answered. “It’s okay, you can still help me, but you don’t have to, you know.” You reminded him and he looked at you as if you said something outrageous. “It doesn't matter if I have to or not I want to.” He said and you looked at him, eyebrows raised “I want to help you, I love you and anything that is important to you is important to me.” “Are you seriously offended?” You asked. “Yes my dear I am.” He answered, you could feel the smirk pressed against the skin of your shoulder. “Well I’m so sorry, how about you help me finish the decorations and then we can have breakfast, there is a small festival being held close by for Day of the dead that we can go to as well.” You explained as you carefully placed the flowers that he had chosen on the shelf that you were decorating. “That sounds like a plan.” He said as he squeezed you a little tighter “as long as you still have stories to tell.” “Always.” You promised as you looked at the man finally connecting your lips “now help me finish up so that we can have breakfast.” “Always.” He promised, leaning down to help you with the decorations.

Spinner

🦎 Spinner probably doesn’t know a lot about the holiday but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to learn. 🦎 Always apologises in case he offended you when he asks a question and listens intently when you answer him. 🦎 He’s not against the make up, he worried the first time though because he thought that his scales and face shape would ruin it, when you were finished though he liked what you had done and even the fact that people weren’t staring at him like they usually did. 🦎 If you loved to cook he’d love to learn, maybe one day he could make food for you on the holiday that you love.

You groaned as you opened the door, you hated that Shigaraki had tasked you with a stake out mission the night before you were supposed to be celebrating The Day Of The Dead. You scratched the back of your head as you walked into the kitchen to look through the cupboard groaning when you realised that you would need to go out before you could actually start the celebration tomorrow “your back.” Shuichi said as he appeared at the door to the kitchen. “Hmm.” You hummed. “Come on, you must be tired.” He said softly. “I just need to make a list of all the things I need for tomorrow, I was supposed to get them today but then everything happened.” You explained and he shook his head. “We can make the list in the morning and then we can go and get them.” Shuichi said, reaching out to you “don’t worry I’ll help you, everything will be fine tomorrow.” “I can-” “Nothing is open now anyway, we’ll just go early.” He cut you off and you knew that he was right, so you reached out, taking his hand and heading to bed.

You took in a deep breath as you woke up, you reached out to the other side of the bed and found that it was empty, you frowned as you looked over, you rubbed your eyes before getting up, you walked into the kitchen and smiled as you looked around at the decorations that were all around the house, “You decorated the house?” You asked as your eyes fell on Shuichi across the kitchen. “You had a late night, I thought I could help, I hope it’s right.” He said scratching the back of his head as you walked towards him, you smiled as you leaned up nuzzling into him. “It’s perfect.” You said as you looked at the counter. “What were you doing?” “I was getting everything we needed for the food, I had to go out and grab some things, I think I got everything so that we could start cooking, I can’t do that part without you.” “Really?” You asked and he nodded. “I’m sure you know more than you think you do.” You said as you walked over and looked over the ingredients. “You got everything that we need.” “I’m working on it.” He nodded as he watched you turn back towards the bedroom. “Let me shower and get dressed and then we’ll get started.” You said and he nodded. “I’ll be waiting.” He promised.

Request Here!!

[crescentpaws]

OK CAR RIDE QUESTIONS 4 U (you don’t have to answer all of them im just also bored rn)

do you like to listen to music/podcasts on a car journey?

if so any recs?

favourite gas station snack?

hmmm…. what do you think fintan would do on a road trip… he seems like a doritos guy 2 me…

GETTING OFF TOPIC. what’s the best fast food place/place for road trip lunch?

worst road trip Event that makes you wanna commit arson

(like him… IM GETTING OFF TOPIC !)

ok man i give up i canf think of anything else roadtrip related. do you have a favourite fintan line/moment?

do you think he qualifies as doomed by the narrative?

whats your ideal shannon-be-damned fintan endgame (purposely vague— death/redemption/yaoi/all at once/secret fifth thing whatever you desire)

whats the funniest theory you have for unravelled? personally ithink keefes gonna meet alvar at the pride parade

when you rotate fintan in your head is it like a smooth 3d animation or the pear wiggler or a washing machine or?

1. yes i am an avid music enjoyer

2. idk man i just listen to set it off

3. can’t go wrong with candy & potato chips

4. i dunno about snacks but. he would be the guy in the passenger seat that props his feet up on the dash…. but in an annoying & distracting way. if he had the back seat all to himself he would sprawl out dramatically. & if he was the one driving he would definitely do random swerves & sudden accelerations/breaks just to annoy other drivers/the other people in the car. he is an asshole.

also i think any elf on a road trip would be complaining “are we there yet” because they’re too used to light leaping and don’t know how to wait more than a few minutes to travel somewhere.

but fintan would definitely prefer car drives over plane flights…. specifically because he would find it agonizing to be that high up in the atmosphere (therefore closer to the sun & everblaze) without being able to use his ability. he would squeeze himself into the tiny plane bathroom and have a breakdown.

5. augh i don’t know….. i’m a picky eater so there’s not many places i’ll go tbh….

6. any bathroom inconveniences…. i will kill someone

8. fav fintan line has got to be “sorry i’m late. the security here is murder” bc he had no right to say that wtf 😭😭😭 actually worst person ever he sucks so much. other fav peace summit lines are “there’s no need to be offended. being superior isn’t all it’s cracked up to be” and “how predictable of you” because i love it when he is an arrogant sarcastic bitch.

top 3 fintan scenes are the peace summit, his memory break, and his healing i think (not in any particular order). but also i love his “surprise” when he reveals that he’s still alive in book 4 becahse WHY IS HE SUCH A SMUG LITTLE FUCKER. hate that bitch (i love him so much)

9. i think it depends on how you look at it. young baby councillor fintan is definitely doomed i think. but evil bitch neverseen fintan has deliberately chosen all his actions and therefore i think is more doomed by himself than the narrative if anything. obviously though the series hasn’t ended yet so. we’ll have to see.

10. ALL AT ONCE‼️💥💥 in all seriousness though i have conflicting opinions…. i wouldn’t like a redemption arc because i know all that would mean would be him helping out the main characters from within his prison…. and i am not content with him rotting in prison for all of eternity. but i KNOW if he breaks out the series will have to end with him dying… which i also don’t want…. but i’d be more ok with his death if it was actually intense and emotional and dramatic unlike literally all the other neverseen deaths so far……. i think bronte should kill him homoerotically i think that would be neat.

11. keefe gets rabies 🔥🔥 maybe he somehow gets a british accent also…. idk. also if i’m forced to read a whole keefe book he better mention fintan at least once… just for me…….. (i need him to recap his time in the neverseen pls that would actually make me excited to read the book)

12. low quality image of him spinning around like he’s on a spinny chair (but there is no chair & he is just floating)

[sedlex]

Meet Dominicus, 2024 Olympics' weirdest delegation... by far

- Paris, August 1 2024 -

If there is a word that is crossing the overused line this year, it is "weird".

But this humble reporter can not honestly find a term that fits the Country - sorry: Archipelago of Dominicus better.

Anyone into biotech knows this Pacific island cluster as The Place at the forefront of research, whose scientists regularly blow their peers' minds at conferences.

People more into anthropology might find interesting the story of how a group of British intellectuals who considered themselves "industrial refugees" relocated to the most remote place they could find and seamlessly integrated with the local population. Although, it's worth noting that official history and actual events from the late 1700s often diverge.

Finally, if you're into bizarre governing bodies, you probably know that Dominicus is technically a kingdom. Surprisingly, their King is the same guy who led the aforementioned expedition - meaning he should be over 300 years old, so it's likely an honorary title. Meanwhile, the actual government is run by the local nobility.

Making sense of how said nobility works deserves its own article: just so you know, you can't throw a stone to the Dominicus delegation in Paris without hitting a Prince or a Baron, a Duchess or a Seneschal.

But you definitely don't want to throw any stones in their direction: half of them are part of biotechnology research teams whose brains are too valuable, and the other half are army officers that could easily kill you, even if they look like teenagers.

Speaking of teenagers, everyone remembers Dominicus' debut at the Opening Ceremony: two of their gymnasts dared each other to do acrobatics on the parade boat, ending up doing handstands on deck while the whole world watched.

Just to promptly fall into the Seine, followed by a bunch of teammates who jumped in to save them, to be later recovered by the French Marines on duty.

The cameras alternating between the sputtering athletes and the twin Princesses, also heads of delegation, seated with the other authorities, gifted the internet with meme material for years.

This might be due to Princess Coronabeth of Ida being unanimously considered the most beautiful woman ever, or her sister Ianthe single-handedly increasing Paris' pollution with her unholy cigarettes.

Anyway, expect a whole gallery of Coronabeth's best outfits (spoiler: all her outfits are best) whenever the editor will be able to look away enough to upload them correctly.

But back to the surprise (and doubtfully sanitary) bath the Dominicus athletes took in the Seine.

They seemed drenched but alright until, the day before the fencing tournament in which their female epee team was expected to excel, tragedy struck: both Judith Deuteros and Marta Dyas, the team's most experienced athletes, were hospitalized with a nasty E. Coli infection.

Though Dyas was definitely out of the games, Princess Coronabeth herself was seen escorting Deuteros out of the hospital and back in the Village just a couple of hours later.

One fencer down should not be a major issue: time for the reserve to step up, problem solved, right?

Wrong. The reserve that Aiglamene, the 87-year-old coach of Dominicus, registered for the epee team was the infamous Gideon Nav.

If you haven't followed fencing in this Olympics and don't know her, let me enlighten you: not only does Gideon Nav do sabre, not epee (they're quite different in terms of techniques and preparation), but this boisterous redhead was kicked out of the singles tournament for - yes, I'm not making this up - punching one of her teammates, who was competing in a different weapon at the same Grand Palais.

That should've warranted a permanent ban from the team, right?

Again, wrong. Apparently the ever present Princesses told the offended party, foil bronze winner Naberius Tern, to "suck it up" and decided to let Nav stay.

Luckily for them, since Nav, 19, sporting a physique more akin to those you see on the rugby field, who seemingly came out of nowhere to make top two in the Asia & Oceania qualifiers tournament, saved the day.

Actually let's be honest: a good part of the day was saved by Camilla Hect, the third team member.

Hect, a data analyst by trade, was the stable force behind every victory: both consistent and reactive on the piste and unflappable outside, either in pointing Deuteros to the nearest bathroom and handing her electrolytes, or quietly talking to Nav, who looked on the brink of a panic attack for most of the day.

The Dominicus team somehow scrambled their way to the final, where they must've seemed like an easy opponent for France: contain Hect, attack a barely standing Deuteros, and let Nav's nerves get her a couple more red cards. Easy, right?

Once again, wrong.

To be honest, it started like that until, in the weirdest move yet, another confusing figure showed up to take one of the VIP seats of the Palais besides the ever present Princesses: the equivalent of the Pope came to cheer for the Dominicus team.

More like if the Pope were a teenage girl with too much makeup, clad in head-to-toe black robes (apparently part of her holy outfit), and by "cheering" you meant "silently staring, looking increasingly angrier at one fencer in particular."

Yes. That happened.

After a brief consult with someone who could be easily described as a bespectacled nerd but is apparently a master strategist, Aiglamene decided to switch players for the final round, moving Hect to second-to-last and leaving Nav as the finisher.

In what seemed like a self-inflicted disaster, Deuteros was steamrolled by Louise-Marie, and Hect did her best but was stalled by the tactically adept Vitalis. This left Nav needing to recover eleven points in three minutes against Mallo-Breton, who had won silver in the singles tournament just days before.

Impossible, right?

Nope: wrong.

Two seconds before pulling down her mask, Nav turned towards teenage goth Pope, who mouthed something while looking the perfect blend of angry and disgusted. Then Nav yelled, "We do bones, motherfuckers!" and proceeded to give a fencing masterclass for the next three minutes.

To the untrained eye, Nav seemed to be everywhere at once, parrying and thrusting effortlessly, moving just enough to avoid contact while setting up her next move. She attacked her opponent with such relentless athleticism that she drove her off the piste twice.

To the trained eye, it looked even more incredible: back in the 1950s, a few successful fencers switched between foil and epee, but switching between sabre and epee is unheard of. Doing it in a matter of days? Even more. And doing it successfully? Miracle level.

Luckily we have ample video footage for everybody who is not too attached to their jawbone to peruse.

In the end, Dominicus won 45-43 and the 8000+ people present were able to enjoy their national anthem while discretely googling why a Pacific Archipelago has a cow's head outline on its flag.

As for the heroine of the day, Nav jumped off the podium, into the stands, and handed the gold medal to the goth Pope - whose actual title is Reverend Daughter - calling her "penumbral lady" and getting a "shut up, you yellow-eyed moron" in return.

And then kissed her on the forehead, oblivious to the approximately 8000 phones pointed their way.

Needless to say, all the journalists trampled each other to be the first to score an interview with either Gideon Nav or the goth Pope, whose name I'm told is Harrowhark Nonagesimus, but were politely told by the press attache that it's not happening.

But Princess Ianthe will be holding a press conference at The Ritz soon to talk about her successful Olympics, so there's that to look forwad to, I guess.

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP Memes from Peggy Hill Quotes

"I prayed on it, and God said to me: 'Don't do it!', but you know what? I knew better." “This city should not exist. It is a monument to man’s arrogance.” “My child is god to billions of Asians!” “I don't know why everyone doesn't drive with their high beams on. You can see so much better!” “Oh my God, they will not let us die on TV – it'll never air!” “You might be rich, but all the money in the world cannot buy you the most precious gift of all: my respect! “The ability to cut in line is what separates us from the animals.” “I work hard, I sweat hard, and I love hard.” “Are you sniffing glue or feeding a baby bird? Either way, I will not have it at my table.”

“I don’t know how to pity you without offending you.” “Do you have any idea how dumb “average” is?” “Oh, you could not look any cuter if you were dangling a kitten.” “Parents without the internet should have their children taken away.” “Happiness. Happ-i-ness. Happ. I. Ness. Ha. Penis. Penis.” “Well, little plastic swords instead of toothpicks. How very British.” “Party at my house! Pancakes for everyone!” “Needs improvement?” I’ve never had to improve on anything in my whole life.” “Well I'd have to be pretty passive aggressive to do something like that... and spit in your coffee every morning for a week.” “Dogs don’t lie. People lie. They lie like dogs.” “I would like the luxury of vomiting on myself, but I do not have any clean clothes to change into.” “There is nothing more important to a magician than keeping secrets - probably because so many of them are gay.” “Obviously babies are not as stupid as they look.” “You might feel more comfortable if you took your pants off.” “Oh, not too close. Those leafy green plants will suck the oxygen right out of you.” “Sorry I'm late, I went to powder my nose and it took 8 flushes.” “Entertainment is the only thing that distracts people from how much they hate each other.” “Do not try to one-up me because I will one-up yours.” “Oh, they’re fighting again. Or making love. Making love.” “What I'm about to say is not politically correct, but here goes: this whole thing seems odd.” “Remember you are going to be on TV, so don't do that thing with your nose that you are not aware that you do.” “Don’t be a try-baby. Be a do-baby!”

“There is no reason to be ashamed of your crying. And yet, I am.”

“You cannot make authentic guacamole out of lima beans and Ritz crackers.”

“Ugh, she is giving me the heebiest of jeebies.”

“As you can see, I do not have testicles.”

“Where’s your secret weapon now?”

[firegirl888101]

The Halloween special was so nice!also I'm not sure if you celebrate it but Happy Choti Diwali!💗yk how ppl make memes abt the 9/11(which is a very bad thing to do) and call it dark humor?similarly do you think ppl would make memes about the McDonald's Massacre?

(I clearly have too much free time lol)

Hiya again &lt;;3 @dottoreandcolumbinaslovechild

Thank you so much for enjoying it, next year I'll include some ideas people have recommended me in my inbox ;)

I forgot to reply to this on the day you sent it, but I hope you had a nice time!I had to Google what you meant because I didn't know what you were talking about and it sounds really cool! All the candles and colours look really cute! <33

If people want to make memes for Insatiable Madness then I would feel honoured, I've never had people express enjoyment about anything I've ever created or written before - so I'd feel really happy if someone were to show something they spent their own time creating! x

kind of serious talk underneath:

If you're not talking about Insatiable Madness, then I'm not sure what you mean by 'McDonald's Massacre'. Personally, I find making memes about tragic historic events as morally wrong considering many victims were affected and could be affected further if they read it today. But, I always have to remind myself at the end of the day it's still spreading awareness about what happened. Like, because I'm from the U.K and relatively young, I first found out about 9/11 and the Twin Towers existence from memes and eventually did my own research.

Does this mean all memes taking the mick of historical events are justified? Of course not. There's a line you don't cross, and I'm glad most of the time people don't act like dicks and post things that offend others without consequences online or in real life. I believe that as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, people are free to do whatever they like. An example I can give is a meme about the Holocaust a Jewish person posted - which was recorded in a lighthearted way, and taken in a lighthearted way from viewers. This, in my opinion, is what dark humour is. It talks and jokes about a situation in the past, and doesn't harm anyone in the future. This doesn't mean only Jewish people can joke about the Holocaust - but what I am saying is as long as nobody affected by the joke is offended or causes an uproar, I'm pretty sure it's okay.

As a British person, I and a lot of people across the globe make fun and talk about our Monarchy due to its history and current representation in the media. It's not hurting anyone, and talking about our Monarchy in this country in both positive and negative ways has been happening for hundreds of years. With that in mind, I personally see nothing wrong with pointing and making jokes - as long as it's not pulling and/or offending someone in the process.

Thank you all for reading if you made it this far. If you have any questions regarding anything I've said I will do my best to explain further - and if anybody would like to educate me on anything I might have missed, once again, feel free to tell me! I love learning about new things and being aware of events all over the world - good and bad.

edit: got rid of the sentence which was wrong, so sorry about that!

[hailqiqi]

Don't Let Them In

The BBC wants their money.

Notes: Absolute crack inspired by a short conversation in the Chaos server. Also, because I wanted to write Lucy playing a part like she did at Winkman's in the books.

Tags: Gen, Crack, Brits writing Very British Things, First Person POV (because that's how the books are written and it works for Lucy idk), one or two swear words Words: 2297

Read on AO3 here, or read on tumblr under the cut

'Television licence inspection, open up!'

Lockwood halted and whirled around, blocking the kitchen doorway. 'I told you it was their van, George!' he hissed.

'And I told you, my brother says that's impossible—'

'Don't be ridiculous, everyone knows they send out TV detector vans—'

'And how exactly are they supposed to detect TVs?'

Lockwood huffed. 'How am I supposed to know?! But everyone knows it's a thing, right Luce?'

'Yeah, actually, my mam was always worried when—'

'See?'

'Oh for God's sake.' The banging on the door had continued throughout our whispered conversation, but George ignored it, instead removing his glasses and cleaning them on his shirt with a huff. 'Whatever you two numpties believe, the facts are that we have a TV with no licence. We can't let him in.'

'Do we have to let him in?' I asked, glancing at the door. 'Mary said Andrew's boss says you can just tell them to sod off and they'll leave.'

The banging grew louder, now accompanied by flicks of the letterbox and shouts of 'I know you're in there! I can see you through the glass!'

Lockwood winced. 'He doesn't sound too happy,' he said, eyes darting around before landing on our offending TV set. 'Right, okay, here's what we'll—'

'Open up already!'

'Just a minute! I can't find the key!' he shouted a response at the door, then turned to us. 'Okay, so, we'll put the set in the high-security storage room. He's an adult, he won't want to go in there.'

'He'll probably leg it the second he sees our kit,' George said, snorting.

'Exactly. So, Lucy, you answer the door and stall him, while we carry the TV down the stairs.'

I ignored George's groaning in favour of staring at Lockwood, incredulous. 'Why should I be the one to open the door? You're much better at the whole people thing!'

Lockwood shrugged. 'It's a man, just smile and give him the pretty girl look — don't look at me like that, you do it to me all the time!'

At my shoulder, George made a choking sound; I felt my face flush. 'I'm sorry, what—'

The banging at the door intensified and Lockwood gave me a blinding smile, the same bright, dazzling grin he'd give me when trying to convince me to face off with a Wraith without flares. 'Come on, Lucy, you've got this.'

Warmth fluttered through my chest, and the next thing I knew the boys were fumbling the set out of the sitting room while I (slowly) headed for the door. Dangerous things, Lockwood's smiles; they tended to spark momentary insanity in whoever he turned them on — child, colleague, client, adult. George alone seemed immune, with all his surliness, but I hadn't built any sort of immunity up in my ten or so months at the company and could only hope that would come with time. Though we all know how that turned out, I'm sure.

The banging on the door was echoing in the hall so loudly I was surprised the door hadn't been knocked off its hinges. I watched the crystal skull on the key table vibrate for two more bangs as the boys manhandled our illicit TV into the kitchen, then summoned my most vapid smile and opened the door.

A man stood on the top step, his hand raised mid-knock. He was balding and wore a wrinkled white shirt with visible sweat stains large enough to rival George's rapier training shirt, and the tie loosely-knotted at his collar was over-large — perhaps in an attempt to compensate for his lack of neck, who knows. His sleeves were rolled up over meaty arms against the unseasonable weather, the cuffs tight and reminiscent of bread dough exploding from a loaf tin, and he carried a clipboard and small, black box in the hand that was not currently raised in a fist at my head-height. If a gorilla with mange had been stuffed into a suit, you'd be hard-pressed to convince me that he wasn't currently standing at our door.

He narrowed his small eyes further at me, and I gave him a simpering smile. 'Hello! I'm sorry it took me so long, I couldn't find the key for the door!'

A pause followed, in which his eyes grew so small they should by all rights have imploded. I kept my smile fixed firmly in place and hoped the inspector wouldn't notice the door was a latch lock.

'You were a bloke a second ago.'

Shit. 'No, I wasn't!' I pitched my voice higher than usual and feigned offence. 'I certainly am not a boy!'

'Yeah, you was. You weren't a Manc, either.'

I didn't have to feign it now. 'Excuse you, I'm from Northumbria.'

'What's it matter? You lot are all the same, anyhow.' I glared at him and considered the benefits of shoving him down the steps and slamming the door, but then I’d probably have to deal with DEPRAC and the police instead of just the BBC. The man cleared his throat, unperturbed, and started what was obviously a practised spiel. 'Right, I'm here to check for TVs. We don't have a licence on file for the property, so I'll need to take a look around to make sure you're not doing anything illegal.'

I fluttered my eyelashes in an attempt to recover. 'Of course we're not doing anything illegal! We don't even own a TV!'

We were, in fact, doing multiple things DEPRAC would take issue with, but that wasn't the point.

'Then you won't mind me taking a look around.'

'Normally, yes, but I'm home alone and that would be terribly improper…'

He peered around me and down the hall. 'You lose ten stone between that door and this one, then?'

'What?'

'Your shadow was a lot larger a minute ago. It's just a quick look love, then I'll be on my way.' 

The inspector moved to walk around me and I draped myself against the doorframe to block his way, desperately wishing I knew what 'pretty girl' nonsense Lockwood had been on about. Maybe Floating Joe had got him in the head earlier, because the inspector simply rolled his eyes.

'If you'd just—' a yell from the kitchen interrupted him, and he raised an eyebrow at me. 'Home alone, are you, love?'

'Yes,' I said, nodding enthusiastically. 'That was my cat.'

'Odd-sounding cat.'

'No, it isn't.' More yells came from behind me and a smug smirk slowly settled on the man's face which, if you remember his gorilla-esque looks, made me want to vomit more than it made me want to let him in. I gritted my teeth; the boys obviously needed more time, and my dignity was shot anyway. With what I hoped was a dainty gasp, I widened my eyes theatrically and summoned my most injured cry: 'Are those my keys?'

He paused. 'Sorry?'

'There!' I pointed to the keychain hooked at his waistband, which was quite clearly his own. 'You've got my keys!'

'What?! No, these are my—'

'I can't believe you!' I wailed. 'I looked everywhere for them! No wonder I couldn't find them!'

'Look, love, these—'

'You rotten thief! I bet you're not even a TV man after all! You're nothing but a—'

Alas, neither of us got to find out what nonsense I was about to spout next as at that moment a gigantic crash sounded from the kitchen, the noise reverberating in the hall and cutting me off quite effectively. Raised voices followed — though who was shouting at who, I couldn't tell — and, without thinking, I abandoned the door and dashed towards the commotion.

Lockwood and George both stood half-way down the basement stairs, locked in a shouting match and completely oblivious to my arrival. The source of the crash I’d heard was not immediately obvious, but when I chanced a vertigo-inducing glance over the bannister there on the floor was our TV set, face down and surrounded by shattered glass, looking somewhat like a large-bottomed lady after an over-indulgent afternoon at the pub. It was no wonder they were both so upset about it — while our set was ancient, there was no way we could afford a new TV if we couldn’t afford the licence fee in the first place, and both boys liked to watch the football when they could.

Heavy footsteps sounded behind me. ‘Home alone, were you, love?’

I turned meekly to face the inspector, who stood at the top of the stairs looking thoroughly unimpressed, clipboard at the ready. The boys were still wrapped up in their blame game, and the inspector had clearly noticed the broken TV on the floor, and there I was trapped on the stairs between an argument and authority — but I did my best to muster up a winning smile and tried my luck anyway, because that’s what we did at Lockwood and Co.

‘See? I was telling the truth when I said we don’t have a TV!’

— — — 

A year later saw us huddled in the corridor outside the kitchen door, older, wiser, and more competent, yet reliving a hushed argument from the past (albeit with one extra player).

‘What do you mean you haven’t paid the licence fee? I saw you in the papers all winter, I know you can afford it!’

‘Look, there was so much going on that I completely forgot once we brought it home—’

‘Shouldn’t Hol have done it?’

A delicate snort. ‘Normally, George, yes — but I distinctly remember Lockwood saying he would take care of it himself.’

‘Did I? It was all a bit of a blur, really, what with—’

More bangs reverberated down the hall, accompanied by shouted threats that made me wince.

‘Look, I don’t know what happened while I was gone but I’ve been telling you all week that that van on the corner looked dodgy and you need to check the licence has been paid—’

‘Lucy, how many times do I have to tell you that TV detector vans aren’t real.’

‘They are real! They’re in the papers and everything!’

‘Not everything in the papers is true, we all—’

‘No, no, I recall my aunt forgetting to pay her licence fee and a van was parked on her street the next week.’

‘Holly!’ George let out an exasperated huff. ‘Not you, too? Anyway, that van’s been there because the Johnsons are having some work done, it’s not a mythical bloody—’

‘Is nobody going to answer the door?’ Kipps wandered out of the kitchen and leant against the doorframe, arms crossed and frowning. ‘It’s a bit hard to enjoy my tea with all this racket.’

‘I can see you in there!’

‘We really should stop having these kinds of discussions in the hallway,’ Lockwood mused, running a hand through his hair before turning to me with one of those smiles. You know, the ones that light up the whole room, make his eyes twinkle, and somehow leave me both weak-kneed and furious at the same time. ‘Lucy, do you think you can…?’

I backed away towards the stairs, my hands up to ward him and his blasted smiles off. ‘Oh, no. No way. Don’t you remember what happened last time?’

Kipps sighed. ‘I’ll get the door.’

‘Stall him for a moment, me and Lockwood will have to move the telly—’

‘Absolutely not, not after what happened to the last one! Holly, how much is the fine?’

Holly looked offended at the mere notion she’d ever had to pay it. ‘I have no idea.’

Suddenly the banging stopped and sunlight flooded the hall — as one, we turned to where Kipps had opened the door, his reedy figure silhouetted in the glare. ‘Yes? Can I help you?’

It was the same gorilla-esque man from last time, again caught with one meaty fist raised mid-knock. However, he quickly lowered his hand, smoothed his shirt out and pronounced, ‘I'm here to check for TVs. We don't have a licence on file for the property, so I'll need to take a look around to make sure you're not doing anything illegal.’

We held our breath. There was no way we’d move the TV in time now — especially not the gigantic monstrosity that had been purchased during my time away — so our only hope was that the fine was in the hundreds rather than thousands. Or, less likely, that Kipps had some modicum of charm hidden somewhere at the very bottom of his pointy shoes, and that the inspector would be more susceptible to it than he had been to my own.

‘Thank you for the offer, but I don’t think you’ll be doing that.’

The inspector towered over him, moving closer so that his figure almost completely blocked the doorway. Kipps appeared unperturbed, a thin, willowy figure facing off against a giant.

‘It’s the law that you must have a TV licence if you have a TV, and it’s my job to check for TVs if you don’t have a licence.’

If anything, Kipps’ posture looked bored. ‘I think you’ll find it’s the law that we don’t have to grant you access, and considering that this is an active psychical investigation agency we could even argue that it’s for your own safety. Have a good day.’ 

And with that, he shut the door in the gorilla’s face.

Things remained tense for a moment — the man certainly hadn’t seemed the type to back down from a fight when we’d met him the year prior — but much to my surprise, the giant shadow lurking on the other side slowly diminished, until the inspector was completely gone. We gazed at Kipps in shock.

‘What? You don’t have to let them in, you know.’

[useless-englandfacts]

sorry for the weird ask and the follow up rn, im just. extremely baffled and experiencing some sort of culture shock. were they the flags of the german empire? or like, regular modern germany? why on earth would that offend anyone? i guess it could be a faux pas to wear the german imperial flag around the families of british ww1 survivors, but uh, come on, not to make this about death tolls but literally ww1 was so much more traumatic to the german soldiers. how do you not feel compassion after 100 years.

maybe its a me problem since i live in a country of which the population got drafted into various armies of opposite sides for ww1, so there is no one side favorised in our historical politics and historiography, but. what the fuck.

Yeah no I get how this is confusing to people who don’t live where I do, especially those in the younger generation.

I live in a small town where the population is a lot older and they have very set views on who were the “goodies and baddies” in the wars. And the baddies to them are always the Germans. Even in regards to ww2 I’ve never spoken to someone who cared about the other Axis countries, but these people fucking HATE Germany.

My coat is a 1960s era khaki jacket with a small modern german flag on either sleeve. This gained me more dirty looks than my funky hair and multiple facial piercings have ever gotten me.

As much as we in the younger generation now understand the nuances of war and who the real victims were, this doesn’t matter to a lot of people in real life. A lot of people don’t use the internet in the way we do, and they don’t have any interest in changing their views on who the aggressors were.

In my area and tbh with a lot of people I’ve met who don’t use the internet a lot, it’s a very simple “Germany bad England good”. No nuance, no conversation.

Also we have a surprising amount of propaganda taught to us in schools without us realising. No one really teaches us about the atrocities we as a nation committed, or about the widespread support for the Nazi party before the holocaust. People cling onto these beliefs very tightly both nationally and in my area specifically.

The truth doesn’t matter, just what people believe, and they believe generally that me wearing my coat accidentally is a personal affront to them and the deceased. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[honeyedheartss]

the seattle pre show! I'm a lil late but here u go

- he went to pikes place and the space needle and saw a lady selling hot cider and thought it was whimsical

- he asked us if we liked living in Seattle and we were the only city who mainly said yes. the only other place who's said they like where they live was Wales.

- coffee or tea? he is a "coffee slut".

- if he left right then to get a tattoo he would have to be very drunk because he has commitment issues but he would wind up getting the original horny starbucks logo with the mermaid showing her tits and spreading fin

- someone asked "have you had dicks?" which he was offended by, and then read that it was a local burger joint. he was SO happy he could get a Bag of Dicks. he wound up talking about it for almost a minute and said he would go get a bag of dicks after the show.

- last anime he watched was my hero academia because he was catching up

- favorite anime of all time is Fullmetal Alchemist. he hasn't watched all if it just a few episodes and "there's a really cute scene of a dad and her daughter" [he said verbatim but he meant a daughter and her dad obvs]

- he was asked how he came up with the concept for the show and he said one morning he woke up and screamed bc the world was going to end and decided to make a show.

- his strangest phobia is a fear of man made objects underwater.

- someone told him to name 3 Hatsune Miku songs or they would leave and he DID!! and in record time too

- his clickbait title for the show would be "Potential Dan Ass Reveal?"

- he doesn't wear any layers under his jumpsuit (which the theatre all went "ew" to) and he ripped it because someone shouted "cunt" at him and he squatted too fast

- he is pro-soup!

- BUT he is VEHEMENTLY against people who think cereal is a soup

- someone brought their mom and he told her to close her ears and her eyes and he was sorry

- he was asked about his history with DDR and he said he actually played it as a kid and got good at it and now he's the person who's too good at it to be cool because you go to play with friends and then there is an annoying fuck doing jumps and combos and you don't enjoy it anymore and that's him

- very offended that someone asked him how to survive college

- "British people aren't real they were created by the American government so they could be the victims of history"

- he doesn't like boba :(

- "what is something that keeps you motivated to do youtube" nothing.

- "is dystopia daily for the bit bc all of it feels like it's for the bit but none of it does" he said they'd nailed the vibe of the show.

the guests are always confused and scared but Phil was the most weirded out. Dodie went with it and his gramma rolled with it and spit back sass really fast and he said he should replace Phil with his gramma.

- he filmed a dystopia daily with Louise but she was very scared and he's not sure how much of it is going to be approved to post even after editing

- he was asked how much money to eat a chip off the ground and he said he would probably pay us to eat floor chips. they spilled pickles in the bus and put the floor ones on the table when they were cleaning up and he snuck and ate them when no one was around

- called himself a "dirty pickle bitch"

- told someone to name their cat Susan 3

- in regards to his election day photo "democracy needs saving and I will post a nude for democracy"

- his toxic trait is that he's always right. if he doesn't know the answer to something he won't give an opinion and when he does and someone disagrees he waits for them to Google it with a smug look on his face

- he doesn't think he would have finished law school in an alternate universe, he would have been on OnlyFans

- his favorite Disney character is the Beast from Beauty and the Beast

- someone asked when he was going back to the spray tan and he got offended that they thought it was fake and said "no I just used to go on holiday with my family. and phil. and now I don't touch sunlight"

- his favorite song to play on piano is the final fantasy song he posted on his story a while ago or Chopin's Nocturne in C-Sharp Minor

- he just roasted the shit out of the 12 yo who sold him that axe

- he got Phil a pair of socks that had sasquatch being abducted by UFOs

- his favorite tree is a Maple tree and he thinks they're very dainty

- he's not an influencer he's an artist 🙄

- when he's at olive garden he let's them grate the cheese for an uncomfortably long time. he is a 'whore for parmesan'

- his starter for pokemon violet was the gay duck. obviously.

- someone blamed him for why they're gay and he said we're not allowed to bill him for our therapy

- his past self would be terrified, excited, and more than mildly concerned at his present state of being.

- we all need to love our younger selves because if he can love the version of himself that made Hello Internet then we can love the version of ourselves who wore cat whiskers because of him

- the tour is about celebrating that we are all still alive despite the cat whiskers and 2015 and healing our inner childs

- and then he bullied someone wearing a Llama hat.

- the end <3