#he takes up too much of my brainspace

[sn0wp1anets]

observations about joel (mostly speech stuff) and interactions with others bc ive been hyperfixated since the beginning of time (also theres alot of bs commentary im sorry)

general stuff:

very very british like extremely british

'bloody' and 'blooming' ALOT - when he's annoyed or shocked or offended (im gonna call this his pseudo swearing for the rest of this for convenience)

instead of very he says 'well' sometimes (e.g. "this bloody pico park music is well annoying) and "absolutely"

instead of really he says 'proper' sometimes so "stress is proper northern" etc

instead of 'i haven't' he says "i've not"

he gives an explanation for basically everything he does and instead of because he says 'as' alot

'to be honest' "i bloody hate woodwork to be honest" (sometimes he says 'to be honest with you' too)

'innit' occasionally "it's like waterslide innit"

'like so'

'by the look of it'

he gets irritated really easily - "for goodness sake" and he'll start cutting himself off alot "this bloody-" and also his voice gets much more high pitched and his pseudo swearing gets way more frequent. also 'blooming heck'

(and also this isn't super relevant but when he gets mad all his friends start commenting on it and its the funniest thing- in the overcooked stream as soon as he starts getting annoyed everyones like 'oh here he is')

i didn't know if i should put this in a specific section but he says 'babe' alot - not just to lizzie but to jimmy like ALOT and also in general - i'll talk about this a bit more later tho !

pauses alot: in between words/phrases, and also before he answers questions (this is not as often but also if he wants someone to stop him- he was playing scrabble and was basically asking if someone could spell out vagina so he was slowly going 'and a g....and an i...and a n...' etcetc idk this isnt relevant i just thought it was worth mentioning)

he's kinda an oversharer 😭 ? (this is lh hes 31 im sure he shares what he thinks is appropriate) but at any given moment he starts giving details about his life- a kinda memorable example of this is in mcc26(?) when w*lbur made fun of his accent so he started telling a story about his grandfather and giving alot of details about him after he said he couldnt talk too much about it AND grian begged him to stop

repeats things (especially when he's annoyed) : "game's a bloody joke. game's a bloody joke"

he basically never says 'oh my god' its always 'oh my gosh' or 'oh gosh' sometimes its 'oh jesus'

his voice is generally higher pitched and more expressive in videos than in streams but this is more of a general cc thing than a specific joel thing

very confident in his builds (AS HE SHOULD BE !!!) and he'll share his thoughts alot : "i think it's come together really well" "lovely" "i'm really happy with it/with how it's turned out" etcetc

when he narrates he uses a mixture of 'I' and 'We'. what i've noticed is he uses I for his thoughts ("i feel like" "i think") and we for everything else ("we need" "we're quite high in the sky" etc)

'genuinely'

'what (are) you on about'

'what the heck'

he will say very random (kind of odd) things just out of nowhere as if its normal and he'll only realize it's weird when someone questions it? e.g. the mumbo trauma dumping bit in SL, or in one of jimmy's streams he said 'until i get back to the hotel if yk what i mean' and jimmys like 'i dont' and joel just goes 'idk either'

accent stuff:

it's really recognizable idk what to say

very northern: hes from yorkshire - his accent used to be stronger in his old videos but you can definitely still hear it (like its still super different from grian or like mumbo idk)

his 'th' sounds come out as 'f' (idk if this is an accent thing or a joel thing but he's talked about it and said his family members have it too)

again not sure if this is an accent or joel thing but when he says any word with 'con' he says it kinda differently- it's hard to describe but for example when most people say convention the 'on' sound is more like a 'un' sound? whereas with joel its very much an 'o' sound like in 'box' or 'coffee' (genuinely have no idea how else to explain it but in phonetic symbols- joel essentially never says /ʌ/ it's almost always /ɒ/ when its a 'con' word)

jimmy-

NICKNAMES !!! 'jim' is used alot - more than anyone else and one of the only people who calls him this. hes used 'mr neutron' too (idk how many times'

(he also doesnt actually say tim/timmy often and when he does its exclusively when grian is present)

typical british male friendship nicknames: 'lad' 'big man'

when he joins jimmy's stream he always says hi in a very dramatic way?? usually with a pretty deep voice (idk this is just something i noticed)

he calls him a loser alot?

(this might be more of a bad boys point) but joel is generally not that mean to jimmy? definitely he's meaner than he was a few years ago but that makes sense because they weren't as close but. he'll call him a loser and stupid/idiot sometimes but his main 'bullying jimmy' momentsare usually always when he's with someone else (usually grian, sometimes fwhip)

'what are you doing jimmy' or sometimes 'what are you doing with your life'

lizzie:

'babe' like all the time. once lizzie mentioned that they don't even really use each other's names alot because they just say 'babe' all the time

oli:

ok so joel really doesn't use that much like modern internet language but oli does and then joel will pick up on it (its cute but also horrifying sometimes)- he kept saying 'dogs' in reference to feet after oli said it

they flirt alot but differently to how he does with jimmy (hes more passive whereas with jimmy he initiates it more idk how else to describe it)

he calls him 'man' sometimes

he's also really giggly around oli theyre adorable

(tbh theres so much more to say about oli and lizzie but idk if i have the energy and time for like 10+ years of interactions rn - and honestly alot more for everyone else too but like.)

grian:

in general joel picks up on people's energy etc and mimics it alot but it happens so much with grian specifically - this sounds very weird but the more time he spends with grian in one go the more he starts to act like grian (especially with interactions with jimmy)

[solarmorrigan]

Hi! Could you possibly do 'You don't have to stay.' With Steddie from the angst writing prompt, please? Thank you in advance 😊

Hi! My apologies again for taking two weeks to get to this, but thank you for sending it! This one was fun to write :D

[No warnings; happier ending this time, I promise]

Angsty-ish Prompt List

-

Eddie feels like an idiot.

He just – he got so wrapped up in everything. In the way Steve has been keeping him company every evening, in the way they have dinner together and play cards together and watch movies together and fucking fall asleep together (Eddie and Wayne’s new place is bigger than their old one, but it’s not like the government sprung for a house with a goddamn guest room or anything). He just forgot that Steve isn’t really meant to be part of his life.

No, Eddie just has Steve on loan.

He is abruptly reminded of this fact one afternoon when he hits Family Video with the intent to pester Steve (and maybe even rent a movie) and instead stumbles right into the tail end of a conversation.

Maryellen Someone-or-Other from the year below Eddie (he’s never really seen the point in remembering names unless they’re a friend or a foe; he figures his brainspace has better uses than the names of people who don’t give a shit about him one way or the other) is leaning over the counter, making eyes at Steve. She’s practically batting her eyelashes and resting her weight in a way that puts the low-scooped neckline of her shirt prominently on display.

“Are you sure?” Maryellen is asking, bottom lip pouting out in a way that is, in Eddie’s opinion, far too obvious.

“Afraid so,” Steve replies with one of his softer smiles, like he might actually be sorry. “I already have plans tonight.”

And – plans? What plans? Eddie thought Steve would be coming over to his house tonight, like pretty much every night.

But then Steve’s eyes flick up from Maryellen and catch Eddie standing stupidly in front of the doors, and his smile widens a little, becomes something happier, sillier, and – oh. Eddie’s house is the plan. Right.

“Well,” Maryellen sighs, high and put-upon, pulling Steve’s attention back to her, “maybe next time.”

“Uh, yeah.” Steve nods. “Yeah, maybe.”

Maryellen glances Steve up and down one more time—and, seriously, obvious much?—before she straightens up and sashays past Eddie and out of the store. She doesn’t even seem to have a video with her. Had she come in just to ask Steve out?

And Steve had turned her down?

It’s not like Eddie is interested in what she’s selling, but he has eyes – Maryellen Whatserface isn’t the sort of date you just turn down. Not when she’s flirting and flashing her cleavage at you over the counter of your workplace. And she especially isn’t the type of date Steve Harrington turns down, certainly not to spend an evening sitting around in Eddie’s room doing a whole lot of nothing.

Of course, that’s not how Eddie sees it – not really. They’re not doing nothing if they’re talking, if they’re sharing stories or thoughts or even just dumb jokes. Not if they’re sitting quietly together because sometimes you can only be that type of quiet with someone who gets you. Not if Eddie is strumming random notes on his guitar and Steve is humming along, almost absently, like he doesn’t even notice he’s doing it.

It isn’t nothing to Eddie, but to Steve – well, now that Eddie thinks about it, Steve is probably just putting his life on hold so he can be a good friend to Eddie in the aftermath of all the Upside Down fuckery.

Which is very kind of him, obviously (which is apparently just the sort of person Steve actually is; sure, he complains a whole hell of a lot, but Eddie doubts if there’s a single damn thing Steve won’t do if he thinks he can help someone really in trouble), but Eddie doesn’t need him to do that. He doesn’t need any kind of pity friendship. He doesn’t need Steve to put all his shit on hold just to take care of him, only to end up resenting him because he can’t go anywhere or do anything because he’s too busy being the goddamn babysitter.

Eddie doesn’t need that.

“Hey.” Steve is the one leaning the counter now (and he doesn’t exactly have Maryellen’s assets, but damn if the position doesn’t make his shirt stretch appealingly over his chest, anyway) and making eyes at Eddie, except they’re sort of confused-and-concerned eyes, which makes sense, since Eddie still hasn’t moved out of the damn doorway. “You okay?”

“Just fine,” Eddie says, snapping back into motion. “I’m here to pick a movie for tonight.”

“Y’know, I work at the video store,” Steve says, arching one heavy brow. “I’m here right now, even. You could just let me pick something to bring home.”

Eddie almost twitches at the casual slip of the tongue – home. Like Steve doesn’t have other places to be, a better house to actually go home to.

“I could,” Eddie drawls, “but I have it on good authority—my own, in fact—that your taste in films is not to be trusted.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Just because you can’t appreciate Sly or a good underdog story–”

“Two hours of dudes punching each other, Steve.”

“That’s not all the movie was, and you know it!”

“Two hours!”

And just like that, they fall into their usual banter, but somewhere in the back of his mind, Eddie can’t quite let go of what he’s been reminded of.

It follows him back home (to his home) with the movie in his hand (a decidedly non-sports-related movie) and dogs his thoughts and winds him up, and by the time Steve has gotten off work and is leaving his shoes politely by the door, Eddie is – well, he’s a little on edge.

A bit twitchy.

Maybe more than a bit.

Maybe he might be watching Steve, looking for signs that he doesn’t want to be there, that he has better places to be, that Steve regrets turning down Maryellen (if that even was her name? Now that Eddie thinks about it, it might have been Marie. Hard to say).

Maybe he watches Steve carefully as they make dinner, and as they eat, and as Steve heckles his movie choice just for the hell of it, and maybe he jumps on it a little too hard when, as the evening gets later, Steve glances at the clock and sighs.

“You know, you don’t have to stay,” Eddie says, shooting for perfectly casual.

Steve, who had been partway through rubbing tiredly at his eyes (probably about time to get those contacts out; he always forgets, and Eddie is always reminding him), pauses and pulls his hand away from his face to look blearily at Eddie. “What?”

“Just, if you have other places to be, y’know?” Eddie shrugs. “You don’t have to stay.”

Steve blinks. “What other places would I be right now?”

Eddie shrugs. He’s very casual about this and not worked up at all, as evidenced by all the easy shrugging he’s doing. “Oh, I don’t know. With Maryellen, maybe? She seemed pretty interested in taking you out tonight.”

A confused sort of look is working its way onto Steve’s face, like he has no idea what the hell Eddie is talking about, like he hadn’t just turned down a date earlier today. “Do you mean Madeline?” Shit, right, that was it. “Why would I want to be with her? Dude, what the hell are you even talking about?”

“I don’t know, Steve!” Eddie snaps, tossing his arms up in hopes that it’ll get some of his nervous energy out. “I just know that you’ve been here babysitting me almost every night for weeks–”

“I’m not babysitting, what are you–”

“And I figure that maybe there’s other shit you’d rather be doing! Places to be, things to do, people to fuck, whatever.”

And– Oops.

Eddie hadn’t quite meant to let all that out. And now Steve looks offended.

“What the hell is your problem tonight?” Steve asks, sitting up from where he’d been slouching on Eddie’s bed. “Did I do something to make you think I don’t wanna be here, or what?”

“I – well – do you want to be here?” Eddie splutters. “You’re a popular guy, and you’re turning down dates to sit around in my room all night? Doesn’t check out, man!”

Unnervingly, Steve doesn’t immediately snap back. He just stares at Eddie for a long moment.

“So, what? You think I’d rather be at some high school party? Drunk off my ass? Making out with some girl who doesn’t know me or give a shit about me?” Steve finally asks, voice low and heavy. “What the hell have I done since you’ve actually gotten to know me that made you think I still want all that shit?”

Eddie opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He doesn’t exactly have a specific defense.

Steve scoffs. “Did you ever think that I just want to spend time with you? That I like being here, that I like you? But fine, whatever.” He slides off the bed and stands up. “You want me to fuck off so badly, I’ll go.”

And with that, he stalks out of Eddie’s room.

Eddie is so busy reeling with the “I like you” of it all that it isn’t until he hears Steve shuffling with his shoes by the door that he manages to snap into action.

“Steve!” he calls down the hall, running full tilt for the entryway, because he doesn’t know much, but he knows he needs to stop Steve before he leaves, before some kind of irreparable damage is done.

Steve doesn’t pause, reaching for the door and pulling it open, and what Eddie means to do is step past him, put a hand on the door, keep Steve there just a little longer so they can talk.

What actually happens is that Eddie’s momentum carries him flying right past Steve, into the door, yanking the knob from Steve’s hand and slamming the whole thing shut.

“Eddie, what the fuck!” Steve exclaims, (rightfully) startled.

“I don’t actually want you to fuck off, okay?” Eddie insists, because he is a god of eloquence when under unexpected pressure. “I want… I really want the opposite of that, actually.”

Steve shoots him a disbelieving look. “So you were being a dick because you want me to stay,” he says flatly.

“Nooot exactly,” Eddie draws the words out, reaching up and twisting his fingers in his hair while he tries to think. “I was being a dick because I want you to stay but I was afraid you wouldn’t want to.”

Steve continues to stare at him. “Eddie, that makes no goddamn sense.”

“I didn’t say it did! I think we know each other well enough for you to know by now that I am barely in charge of my brain, Steve!” Eddie huffs. “I just – I don’t get why you would want to hang around here when you probably have better options.”

“No, see, that’s the part that doesn’t make sense,” Steve says, his voice going a little softer. “You thinking I wouldn’t want to stay, or that there’s anywhere better for me to be. I don’t want to be anywhere else, or with anyone else. I just… want to be here with you.”

“You…” Eddie looks over at Steve, really looks, and catches the anxiety sitting in his expression, and the hopeful spark in his wide eyes, and realizes that he’s absolutely had the wrong end of the stick. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Steve says with a shrug that’s just about as casual as Eddie has been all night.

“Well then.” Eddie reaches up and slides the deadbolt back into place before giving the door a little pat; its services will no longer be required. Then, before he can think better of it, he reaches out and takes Steve’s hand, threading their fingers together and giving him a little tug back towards the hall. “Come on.”

“And where are you taking me, exactly?” Steve asks, amused and something a bit like relieved.

Eddie continues pulling him down the hall, heading for his room, and tosses a grin over his shoulder. “I am taking you exactly to where we both want to be.”

And if the way Steve crowds him over the threshold and into his bedroom is to be trusted, they are perfectly on the same page.

[shizunitis]

Luo Binghe: Original Drafts Edition! Who and why?

“[…] in fact, in his original outline, Bing-gē hadn’t even had a romance plotline; he had been doomed to fade away, alone and unaging forever.” — The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System, Vol. 4 (Mo Xiang Tong Xiu)

The drafts version of Binghe! Not Bing-gē, nor Bing-mei, but a secret, third thing! (I’m partial to Bing-xióng (兄) myself, just for thematic cohesion. Bing-mei remains as he is: Shizun’s special glass-heart maiden.)

So! Who is this elusive, mythical Binghe we never got the chance to meet? What is he? How do I get to pick this one’s brains?

Why is he haunting me! What does he want! So much to think about.

Listen: I love my trash sons, both the racoon and wet dog variations, but I am curious about this handsome demon lord who did not bed thousands, and did not steal his shizun to lovingly coax him into a loving and respectful marriage. Alas, Airplane-bro, as is custom, has left me hanging.

The solitary quote above has been floating around my brainspace for months. Intermittently, I would look up at the sky and sigh a big sad dog sigh, and think of this lonely demon-man emperor who seems to be both perfectly representative of No-Shizunitis Suffering Binghe, and on the exact opposite end of the line. I have spent many a night trying to rearrange the blocks of both SVSSS and PIDW like a sad toddler with no plan but plenty of amorphous longing.

Thus, Bing-xiong. My beloved new toy.

We know he is left alone and unaging. This means that:

He does not marry even once. (Sorry, Other Bing Variants. This one came broken.)

He is not defeated, killed, or left to suffer his not-father’s fate of sulking under a mountain.

From 1) we can assume two more things! Xin Mo either gets fixed/doesn’t influence this Binghe the same way, or: Xin Mo is completely written off à la Airplane Retconning, making Binghe potentially even more individually powerful than his younger counterparts.

(Or he just. Takes people’s cultivation ad-infinitum. Interesting thought, but too straight-forward for my tastes. Airplane’s thoughts? Unknowable.)

From 2) we can also assume Binghe cannot die, is under the influence of the Protagonist Halo unto infinity, and will only be put out of his misery once the heat death of the universe deems it a worthwhile endeavour. Either that or the story ends, but. It tickles a miserable part of my brain pink to think Binghe will not be let off even then.

Anyway. Bing-xiong, of course, has the same source material to work off of. Up until the Abyss, and including it, the plotline should be if not the same, adjacent enough to be indistinguishable.

However. This means:

Bing-xiong never got coerced into sex by Qin Wanyue, thus not starting him on the path of sex-dependency/addiction, avoiding Bing-gē’s fate by virtue of the Butterfly Effect. (Read this post because it explains Bing-ge's whole thing better than a lot of things I've seen.)

Again, Xin Mo implications.

Alternate Universe Shenanigans make an appearance. (Shen Jiu’s fever and death was actually meant to happen, Bing-ge just got very, very unlucky and his Universe’s Yue Qingyuan very, very lucky. For a few years. Either that or there is a Shen Yuan for every Binghe! Again: sorry, Bing-ge. You need to find your own. Middle child issues…)

Once the drafts/original outline got lost, all bets are off and now the characters become real people, without narrative influence. This also has the very fucked up implication that Bing-ge is actually a result of exclusively external forces and would have never gone down that path if not forced onto it by Airplane’s unwitting hands. I do and do not love this version. Very Mo Ran-esque, if looked at from afar and squinting.

Other options I’m either too not-high to think, or too high to put together. (Cold medicine is insane?)

I am fascinated by this… Schrödinger’s Binghe. A jaded, lonely emperor left in the ashes of his world, gazing upon his own history and finding fucking nothing and no one. Metaphorically and, like, practically, if I’m understanding Airplane’s musings correctly. Isolated, cursed by his own blood in a completely new and fucked up way!

I need Airplane to speak with me for like, half an hour. This is paramount to my mental health, I’m losing my braincells by the hour.

What happened to this impervious, cocky, badass demon bastard lord to become so alone? How did it happen? Why did it not happen to the other two, or at least Bing-ge, who has had every horrible and shitty thing possible and impossible piled onto his head? What the fuck is up with Xin Mo? Why isn’t it eating away at Big Bro Luo? Or, worse: why is it eating away at him in such a way that instead of turning into a violent yet charismatic, horror-creature of a man, it turns him into the existential terror-fate I’ve contemplated and abhorred since I was seven?

Tianlang-jun as the final boss. Discovering Huan Hua Palace Master’s crimes, deceit and… stuff. Perhaps even uncovering Shen Jiu’s backstory.

Ooh! Worse! Or better? What if he finds out everything, after having followed Bing-gē’s path, and simply… gives up? A grown up Bing-ge, minus the marriage and surrogate-lover part(s).

(More unlikely than other options, but still there, I guess.)

Fucking insane of MXTX to do this to me, personally and specifically.

I can only speculate forever, I guess! Left… alone and pondering forever.

So. Not a Bing-ge, and not a Bing-mei. A Bing-xiong, if you will.

[intheticklecloset]

The Tickle Demon: Second Strike (Black Clover)

Collab with @giggly-squiggily!

**Spoilers for Season 4 and beyond of Black Clover**

To read Part 1 (her fic), click here!

Summary: Part 2 of Squiggily's fic! Yuno offers to teach Liebe the best ways to tickle Asta, which the demon readily accepts!

A/N: EEEEK this was so much fun to work on! Asta and Liebe have had all of my brainspace since the latter was introduced in Season 4, and when we got to fangirling about them, this was the result! (Her idea, by the way!) Thank you so much for collabing with me again, friend! I had a ton of fun! 💖

Word Count: 2179

~~~

“Now, now, Liebe,” Asta said, putting his hands up defensively. “Let’s…let’s not get hasty, all right? This whole tickling thing is still pretty new to you—”

“Hey, it worked fine with your friend, didn’t it?” Liebe shot back, beginning to grin. “What’s the matter, human? You scared?”

Asta opened his mouth to retort, then decided – stupidly – to try and make a run for it.

Behind him, Yuno stared in bafflement and exchanged a brief glance with the demon before the latter of them took off after the shorter mage. Beginning to feel a giddiness rise up in him that he hadn’t felt in months, Yuno sprinted after them both.

“Are you seriously trying to run away from me?” Liebe called after Asta, cackling with amusement. “We’re contracted! You literally can’t outrun me!”

“I can try!” Asta shouted over his shoulder, but his huge grin gave him away – to Yuno, at least.

Catching up to Liebe for a split second, he panted, “He just likes to make things difficult. Think you can take care of that?”

“Heck yeah, I can,” Liebe replied, then put on a burst of speed that had him caught up to Asta and tackling him to the ground in seconds.

Asta yelped and flipped onto his back just as Liebe caught his arms and pinned them at his sides. “Waitwaitwait!”

“Let you catch your breath, I know, I know.”

Asta blinked up at his demon, surprised. That hadn’t been why he’d been protesting, but it made him feel oddly proud to see Liebe catching on to his earlier lessons so quickly.

Yuno caught up to them then, unable to help but laugh a little. “What were you thinking, taking off like that?”

“You did it, too!”

“I had a chance to escape.”

“No you didn’t!” Asta and Liebe retorted in unison.

Yuno smirked and crouched at Asta’s side beside Liebe. “Well? Are you ready, Shortsta?”

“You’re still hung up on my height—?”

Suddenly Liebe’s unfairly pointed fingers were in his ribs, cutting Asta off mid-rant and making him choke on a startled laugh, trying to pull his arms out from under his demon.

“I’m taking that as a yes,” Liebe told him with a grin.

“Wahahahahahait, nohohohohoho!” Asta giggled, squirming as much as he could even though the demon had barely begun. “I dihihihihihidn’t sahahahahahay I was reheheheheheady, you jeheheheherk!”

Liebe snorted. “You were talking just fine, so I assumed you could breathe.”

Yuno barely bit back another laugh of his own. He’d only known Liebe for a few minutes, but he liked him already. And the friendship he seemed to have with Asta was clearly strong, so he liked him even more for that.

“Why aren’t you laughing as hard as he did?” Liebe asked after a few moments of soft snickers, fingers poking and prodding all along his ribs.

At this point, Yuno felt it was time to step in and do his share of teaching as well. “Different people are more ticklish in different places. You just have to find the right spot.”

“Oooh.” Liebe hummed, nodding as he dragged his fingers to Asta’s waist.

Asta’s giggles grew a tad softer at the change in location, much to Liebe’s obvious frustration. “Nihihihice try, Liehehehehebe! You’ll hahahahahave to do behehehehetter than that if you wahahahant to take mehehehehehe down!”

Yuno rolled his eyes playfully and reached in to help, wiggling a finger into the space where Asta’s armpits were clamped to his sides. “You’re in no position to be sassing us like that, now are you, Shortsta?”

In response, the smaller mage whined and bit his lip to keep from laughing any harder, determined to hold out at least a little bit.

“Come on, where is it?” Liebe grunted, releasing one of his arms to better access the hollow of his armpit and scribble his claws into it.

Asta yelped and tried to pull his arm back in again, but Liebe only grinned and pinned it out to his side as he tickled. “Oooh, is it here? Is this the spot that will make you laugh?”

Liebe – for all his enthusiasm – wasn’t very good at gauging what human reactions meant in this context, Yuno decided. He scooted around so he was sitting behind Asta’s head, then gestured to get the demon’s attention.

“Here, give me his arms,” he said.

Both of them ignored the giggly “nononono!”s that were coming from Asta as Liebe handed his wrists off to the wind mage and watched as he pulled them above his friend’s head to sit on them. They both knew full well that despite his small stature, Asta had strength to spare. Best to take precautions.

“Try again,” Yuno encouraged, slowly trailing his own fingers in Asta’s armpits to keep him giggling and squirming while still allowing Liebe the pleasure of finding the best spot on his own. “You’ll know when you get to it. Oh, and don’t forget to tease him, too, remember?”

Liebe’s eyes lit up at the same time that Asta shot Yuno a “what the hell?!” look that had the wind mage smirking back at him.

“Oh, yeah!” The demon grinned and finally went for Asta’s stomach, making him shriek at the same time he let out a long string of, “Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle!”

“Gahahahahahaha nohohohohohoho! Liehehehehehehebe, it tihihihihihihihihihickles!” Asta screeched, laughter spilling out of him in waves now as he struggled and writhed on the ground, unable to bring his arms down protectively anymore. He arched his back when the demon dragged a claw along his navel and cried, “Nohohohohohohohoho!”

Yuno grinned, watching the two of them. Liebe was a bit clumsy, but his eagerness made up for it, and despite his protests, he could see that Asta was having a blast in this moment. He always looked so happy when someone he cared about was tickling him. He thought it must really mean something that he and Liebe had bonded so quickly. He’d have to ask about their story later.

For now, he gave the demon a minute or so to enjoy Asta’s usual happy laughter before deciding it was time to bring out the big guns.

“You’re pretty close to making him really laugh,” Yuno said, smiling as Liebe looked up to meet his eyes. “But I’m afraid I’ll have to teach you the best way, because I doubt you’ll get it on your own.”

“Yuno!” Asta screeched, looking up at him with wide eyes. “Dohohohohon’t you dahahahahare!”

“Do dare!” Liebe interjected, grinning even wider. “If he doesn’t want you to share, it must be good. Tell me, human!”

“My name is Yuno,” the wind mage reminded him gently but firmly, “and I will. Watch this.”

“No! Yuno, don’t!” Asta whined, trying to bring his arms down to throw him off, but a quick scribble over his belly put an end to that.

Yuno finally allowed himself to grin mischievously, leaning in close to Asta’s face and digging a little harder into his armpits, cooing in his most annoyingly babyish voice, “What’s wrong? Whittle Asta can’t handle some whittle tickles? Hmm? Is that it?”

Asta twisted his head to the side, blushing furiously, trying desperately to keep his laughter at bay.

Yuno glanced at Liebe and said, “Tickle his stomach again.”

“No! Nohohohohohohoho!”

“Aww, whittle ticklish Asta can’t take some tummy tickles, can he? No, he can’t~ You’re so red now! Does it tickle too much? Huh?”

“FAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—!!” Asta barely cut off a curse as he finally exploded with laughter, writhing on the ground like he wanted to burn a hole into it. “I TRUHUHUHUHUSTED YOU, TRAHAHAHAHAHAITOR!!”

Liebe watched Asta fall apart with rapt interest, eyes wide at the human’s reddened cheeks and more panicked state. Despite his curiosity, however, he found himself confused, and he frowned. “Why are you talking like that?”

Yuno stopped what he was doing to look up at him. He opened his mouth to explain that it was baby talk, but then – did demons have babies? Would they understand the concept? He found himself blushing a little, knowing how childish it all was. But it worked, and they both liked it, so he shrugged off the embarrassment and did his best.

“It’s a type of teasing. It’s called baby talk,” he said, glancing back down at Asta as he caught his breath and going right back into it before he could fully recover. “And it works soooo well on our whittle Asta! See? It makes him laugh sooo much, yes it does! Aww, are you ticklish, whittle Asta?”

“CUHUHUHUHUHUHUT IT OHOHOHOHOHOUT!!” Asta shrieked, shaking his head as he laughed helplessly under the onslaught.

Liebe still didn’t fully understand, but he thought he might have enough information to give it a try, so with a shrug, he dragged his claws down Asta’s stomach and cooed, “Oh, whittle Asta is a whittle baby, is he?”

His first instinct was to cringe – what was this insane type of human speech? It was ridiculous! – but then he saw how much Asta began to struggle and laugh in response to the words, and he felt something close to excitement well up inside him. He grinned, met Yuno’s approving gaze, and tried it again.

“Where does whittle Asta think he’s going? Hmm? I told you, we’re contracted! No escaping me, ticklish whittle Asta~”

“SHUHUHUHUHUHUHUT UP!!” Asta pleaded, laughing even harder now that his worst spot was being tickled in tandem with the teasing words.

Then the reality of them hit Liebe, and his grin went from pleased to utterly wicked in the span of a second. Asta could almost see the devil horns sprouting out of his head (besides the ones he already had).

“That’s right,” Liebe taunted, his voice lowering on instinct as he continued to coo at Asta’s laughing, squirming form. “You can’t get away from me ever, whittle Asta~” He dug his thumbs into the squishy bits of the sides of Asta’s stomach, earning a louder squeal for his efforts. “You said it yourself – I’m your tickle demon, aren’t I? Tickle, tickle, tickle! Whittle Asta is just soooo ticklish right here, isn’t he?”

Asta tossed his head back and positively cackled, his laughter coming out unfiltered in a way Liebe had never heard before. At a glance to Yuno, who gave him a smiling nod, he kept up his attack for another couple of minutes, watching the human utterly crumble beneath him and loving every second of it.

Eventually, though, he seemed to shift from this “having fun” thing they kept talking about to something else.

“PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE, ENOUGH!! NO MOHOHOHOHOHOHORE!!” Asta begged, cheeks so red they looked like strawberries and a sheen to his eyes that hadn’t been there before. “YUNO!! LIEHEHEHEHEHEBE!!”

Yuno held up a hand to the demon, signaling for him to stop. Much as he would have liked to keep going, Liebe followed his direction and ceased tickling, though he didn’t immediately climb off of him like the wind mage did.

“There. Now we’re even,” Yuno said, ruffling his hair playfully and hiding his wince as the bruise on his elbow from his own ambush reminded him it was there. Asta gratefully brought his arms down to cover his stomach, hands inadvertently resting on top of Liebe’s. “You good?”

“Y-Yeheheah,” Asta managed, gasping for breath and turning a halfhearted glare on his best friend. “You traitor.”

Yuno smirked, glancing at Liebe. “I think we both know you don’t mind him knowing about this.”

Asta groaned, but he grinned up at the demon anyway. “Yeah, it’s fine. As long as you promise not to kill me with it, you jerk.”

“I promise no such thing.” Liebe smirked, suddenly grabbing onto his wrists and pinning them down again, his eyes flashing in a way that made Yuno nervous but that only made Asta giggle again. “Like I said, you’re stuck with me. And now that I know about this little weakness…”

Asta squeaked as Liebe used his tail to prod his side momentarily.

“…I intend to have all kinds of fun with you. Soft whittle Asta~”

“Stooooop!” Asta snickered, twisting his body so that Liebe fell onto his side, both of them grinning. “Go back to being a puffball! I want to hang out with Yuno. I haven’t seen him in forever.”

“Who are you calling a puffball, you little—!”

Yuno watched the two of them wrestle and couldn’t help but grin. It was strange; he saw how close and comfortable Asta was with this demon, yet he felt no jealousy. If anything, he was happy for him. Happy that he had another friend within the Black Bulls to look out for him.

They did eventually get to walk around the kingdom and catch up, with Liebe piping up once in a while but mostly leaving them to it, and Yuno was even more grateful that he was willing to let them have their time, unlike a certain wind spirit he knew.

Whoever this demon was, he felt good about entrusting him with Asta’s safety and well-being.

And his laughter.

[catboyclarity]

44. "I... I think I need a hug." with. whoever it best fits I was not paying attention to the full ask game requirements oops

gonna do some Nash and Byron because I haven't had much brainspace to dedicate to Fallen Favors and I miss my weird guys.

After the whole thing was done, Nash took them to the kitchen. Byron's phone had died sometime during all that commotion--they weren't sure when. But it was probably around 3am, if they had to guess. They sat down on a stool near the kitchen island while Nash fidgeted near the fridge. He hadn't met their eye since Leliel had driven the demon off with one swipe of a black wing. They sort of wished Leliel had stayed, instead of flying off to search the rest of the city for the demon.

Byron shuddered. They couldn't stop thinking about all of it--the way Kimiya's blood had twisted up and out of her body when the demon got ahold, her high reedy, screams, and the demon itself, the rotten web of muck striking out and drawing back in jerky motions. So unlike the first demon they'd met, all those years ago--that was a memory they shouldn't have touched. The stump of their leg throbbed with pain, although they weren't sure if it was their thoughts or the exertion of the night.

They tried to focus on the pain, get out of their head, but this particular pain went too deep. For a moment, they felt the horrible blow to it, their bones breaking into little pieces, the smell of blood on asphalt, the screams.

Need to calm down. They pulled a cigarette out of their pocket and went to light it, but Nash spoke up before they could.

"Don't smoke inside," he said, and then. "You really shouldn't at all. It's bad for you."

"Fuck off," they said before they could stop it. Their gaze jerked around the room and they fumbled their lighter, the crash of it against the floor making them double over in agony. "I just need--I need--"

They heard Nash rush across the room, and the fridge door open. He came back and took their hand, pressing something cold and wet in it. Byron swore again. What was it? It hurt.

"Squeeze it," Nash said. "When it um. When it gets bad for me, that's what I can do."

Byron did as he said. An ice cube. A fucking ice cube. But the cold slowly dragged them back to skin level, back to the kitchen. Their eyes flicked up to meet Nash's. His gaze fixed somewhere over their shoulder, but his thin eyebrows knit in concern. When it gets bad for me. Of course, they'd known he was fucked up somehow from the moment they met him, but the idea of him alone in the kitchen working himself through an episode was almost too much to bear.

It wasn't like he was all that much younger than him. But his lanky frame, his nervous demeanor, the way he only called people by their last names...sometimes he seemed to Byron like just a little kid.

"Ward?" He asked. "You okay now?"

"Mostly." Although that statement was ruined by a shudder passing through their body. Fuck, they hated that part.

"...you need anything else?" It came out almost a whisper. He wanted to take care of them. When was the last time that happened?

"Yeah," Byron said. "I...I think I need a hug, actually."

As soon as they said it, Nash wrapped his arms around them. Stiff, like it was his first time hugging anyone. He had the jitters, too. Byron hugged him back and let the shivers wash over them both.

[telomeke]

Current Tag Game

Tagged by @colourme-feral in this post – thanks dearie! 💖

Current time: 9:59am (when I started this! it's now much later but I'm not gonna re-write...).

Current activity: Had a work deadline last night so tidying up the aftermath (deleting unwanted files, etc.).

Currently thinking about: How the project submission for work went. Annoyed that I skipped gym this morning just in case there were last minute changes to the project submission and we'd have to re-submit today; but now that's not needed I'm missing legs day. Also thinking about munching on something extra because breakfast was too light (hardboiled eggs, grapes and blueberries – all originally meant as a post-swim snack, re-purposed to become breakfast since gym was canceled). Maybe fry up an omelet and sausages, or grill some salmon? 😋 Or shall I just munch on some creamy Whittaker's milk chocolate since lunch will be soon and anything heavier might spoil it? 🤔  

Current favorite song: I don't know if they qualify as favorites, but songs will enter my brainspace and then swirl around in there for a while, refusing to leave. So I'm constantly listening to them (on YouTube, not Spotify; don't have a smartphone) and/or singing along in an effort to exorcise the earworm. At the moment the playlist in my head is:

I Don't Think That I Like Her Anymore (Charlie Puth)  Charlie constantly amazes me with his superhuman ability to churn out catchy melodic turns and unusual aural takes on percussion sounds for his backing rhythms (e.g., the light switch in Light Switch). This song continues with his quirky stylings, and I'm loving the pounding bass coming in to frame the heavyweight sock-it-ta-ya message of the song's chorus after the light plaintive vocals of the introductory and intervening verses. The second (melodic) line of the chorus ("Cause they're all the same") is so simple and yet so perfectly fitting after the bold hook of the first line – I find myself asking each time I hear it how could anything else ever fit better? And then it builds and builds to a big finish, at the end of each chorus and also at the end of the song – that key change from B Major to C# Major is quite a genius step, retro yet so fresh. (But still... C sharp? 👀 OK if your electronic thingamajig can auto-transpose but hell on a trad keyboard.) I know this song is from a year ago but I'm not simply wallowing in nostalgia (oh all right, so yes I am a bit) – there is nonetheless a BL connection that first got me hooked on this. The cast of my current fave I Feel You Linger in the Air did their own take on the TikTok Kpop dance challenge of this song (linked here, with other TikToks here) and they're just so cute dancing along. Nonkul attempts a little elbow jab in homage to the original choreo, while Bright gives up after a couple of bars and just goes on doing alternating wrist twirls like those you sometimes see in Southeast Asian dance… 🤣 Alee and Tian seem like they're having fun, as does Attila, but who knew Khun Robert could actually look this good, all goofy and charming when he smiles doing a silly little jig?

‌

All I Want for Christmas is You (Mariah Carey)  Ever since Ms. Mariah broke her icy containment after Halloween (see this video here 😂) I've been singing along, getting in the mood for carols, fruitcake and Christmas decorations because it reminds me of time spent with (departed) family. Happy because those are happy times worth recalling, but also bittersweet because those loved ones are no longer around.

‌

One of Your Girls (Troye Sivan)  While I tend to feel a pinch of resentment whenever Aussies of European origin seem to get opportunities in the West more easily than non-white people do, I have to remind myself it's the system and not the talent that is at fault. So credit where credit is due and I'm a fan of what Troye has done with this and his earlier releases (like his video with PP Krit 😃😍). One of Your Girls is just so beautiful and languid as it teases with its message, and consistently Troye is breathtakingly beautiful and languid in the video, teasing us with an offering of the forbidden. I'm feeling things I never thought I would. 😮 The choreography is pretty daring too. (Especially that crotch flare – where did they tuck the dangly bits? I'm wincing as I watch.) Also shout-out to all the different representation with the models. 😍

‌

Then I'm Gonna Give You Up (Rick Astley)  This is Rick Astley spoofing Rick Astley (more explanation linked here) and just so funny. Especially since the original song is already iconic on Tumblr.

‌

Fast Car (Luke Combs)  Another nostalgia trip, this is an absolutely stellar rendition of the already phenomenal original by Tracy Chapman. Almost like Marc Cohn's Walking in Memphis with its sense of urgency and of bottled emotions about to explode, maybe just a shade less of Marc's full-throated growl in Luke's voice, but earthshaking nonetheless. In these 21st century times (and in my corner of the world where BL and queer rep cross my dash all the time) I love that Luke (a married man with a wife and two kids, looking for all we know like the straightest of the hets) didn't change Tracy's line "So I work in the market as a checkout girl", paying homage to the original and smashing at the gender-obsessives everywhere in a quietly powerful way.

‌

Currently reading: My language study textbooks; not much time for anything else though I do miss having a good work of fiction to keep me company whenever the slate of Thai drama dips in quality.

Currently watching: I Feel You Linger in the Air – a really impressive work, solidly-grounded in its universe with overhanging familial, social and political intrigue that threatens to overshadow (but never really does) the chemistry between Khun Yai and Jom.

I've fallen in hard love with this and just hope that Tee Bundit will display the wisdom associated with his name (for those as linguistically-obsessed as I am, Bundit is the homologue for pundit in English, pandit in Hindi and pendita in Malay) and wrap up the finale with more finesse than he has done on his other shows. (Something tells me though that the sense of foreboding you get while watching IFYLITA is partly due to the dread that Tee is going to rush and stumble through the last bits, leaving viewers less than satisfied with the ending like he did with Lovely Writer, Hidden Agenda and Step by Step.) However this goes, I'm a new fan of Nonkul and Bright's acting, and can't wait to see more of them.

As to what else I'm watching – I'm still trying to finish Only Friends, if only to be able to say that I've finally watched a Jojo show all the way to the end. It's not for me, though it has some moments that shine (like Neo's performance, and all the shirtless scenes) but I struggle to find anything that satisfies on a more cerebral level. I'm not opposed to sensuality and messy drama being foregrounded over more intellectual underpinnings (all hail KinnPorsche) but for me it doesn't go earthy and raw enough to make up for whatever else it doesn't do.

Current favorite character: Pat and Pran from Bad Buddy will always be on this list, but because I'm currently enjoying IFYLITA I'm sure I've been visited by Por Jom, Khun Yai, Khun Ueangphueng, Ba Prik, Ming and Khun James in my dreams lately (and also a certain racing piglet 🤣).

Current WIP: All in my head, but I have a final wrap-up post on Bad Buddy locations percolating, as well as one on the graphics in the show (that give us hints of Pat and Pran's interior worlds).

Tagging names I've seen more than once cross my dash and/or notes:

@neuroticbookworm @airenyah @alexis-mika @belladonna-and-the-sweetpeas @wen-kexing-apologist @twig-tea @pandasmagorica @respectthepetty @dribs-and-drabbles @waitmyturtles @dimplesandfierceeyes @writerwithoutsound @bengiyo @grapejuicegay @lamonnaie @lurkingshan @callipigio @italianpersonwithashippersheart @recentadultburnout @kattahj @theheightofdishonor @fiddlepickdouglas @dc-alves @brazilian-whalien52 @slayerkitty @silvercrystal1 @dudeyuri @ranchthoughts @suni-san @chawarin-panich @lurkingteapot @solitaryandwandering

and anyone else who'd like to play. 😍 Apologies if you've already been tagged; point me to your post if so! And apologies if I've forgotten to mention anyone; if I follow or if you follow me please know you are loved and do play along if you wish! 💖

Also a special tag carved out for the lovely @visualtaehyun as a part-apology; you've tagged me before on a couple of other games and I wrote out about half of my replies – but then work deadlines became urgent and got in the way. Ruefully I had to abandon those posts (especially since they're now weeks out of date). So this is my way of saying thanks for tagging me on those tag games, sorry for not replying, and I hope you'll play along with this one because I love getting to know like-minded people on Tumblr! 💖

[comphetkoncass]

trendsetter (i had depression before it was cool)

tim&kon, hints of romantic timkon 2.3K also on ao3

Conner's a good friend, but it's not just being a good friend that told him exactly how to be there for Tim in the Paris underground. He knows how to navigate depressive spirals because he's been there a time or two himself.

/////

The Mario Kart loading screen is dark, and after at least two hours of gaming, it feels like a welcome break to Kon's overloaded senses.

But before Kon can truly relish it, Tim recognizes the still and quiet, too. The feeling of finally being alone together, for one fleeting moment, before the bright noise colors their walls again.

"I don't think I thanked you enough, for Paris," is all Tim says. "So. Thank you. For being there. For believing me. I know with the timeline changes, it's all a little fuzzy. But I remember that you gave me something to hold onto. I needed it. Just -- thank you."

If Kon is being honest, it takes him a minute to realize exactly what Tm means. They've been to Paris a lot over the years for various hero business. But Kon thinks, there's probably only one thing Tim would be thanking him for. Tim's voice doesn't sound as empty and hollow as it did back then, but Kon can still hear it like an echo.

"You don't have to thank me for that," he says. "We're friends. It was important to you."

"Still." Tim's eyes don't break from the screen. Earlier he was fixated like the game was a case; now Tim just looks distracted. Thinking back to the time before, when everything was a mess and he was falling apart. Kon is just glad he can say -- confidently -- that Tim is no longer on the ledge. "I know my reaction to you coming back to life was -- lackluster."

"You made up for it." Kon's a little distracted, too. He taps one of his fingers against the game controller, separate from the buttons. Impatient, suddenly; not enough input from his side of things to make the game occupy all of his brainspace. He wishes it would. If he was racing Bart at the version of the game that was triple-speed, then maybe this would work, but he's racing Tim on normal speed, and- "You're happy I'm back. You're happy a lot of people are back, man. You couldn't just focus on me, I knew there were other people you were still either grieving or trying to save. It's all good."

Tim almost-smiles, but it's as much a purse of his lips. "You don't think you deserved a little more of a welcome-back?"

Kon actually rolls his eyes. "Does it matter? We're not going to mess with time travel, so if you're bummed about how you responded, don't be, 'cause it's not like we can change it."

Tim huffs though his nose.

"Besides, I've been there. Where you were." Kon says it like it's no big deal, but he feels Tim tense next to him. Kon fixes his eyes a little more pointedly on the game, despite the creeping suspicion that Tim is watching him, now, instead of Rosalina. "It's -- everything. When you're that low, everything good is so far out of reach. When I saw you, I just figured... it'd be nice to give you what I wanted most back then."

"And that would be?"

Tim's voice is scarily even.

"Well. I mean, in lieu of getting all my dead- you know whats back," Kon says, and feels their ghosts like an itch in his spine. "...I could've used a friend."

Tim crosses the finish line first, but Kon doesn't look at him. The grip he has on his controller is tenuous at best. He's gripping it so tightly with Kryptonian strength that he thinks it should have shattered -- but his TTK is wrapped securely around it.

Physicists would love him.

"A friend," Tim repeats. "Kon..."

"Or," Kon says, swallowing very hard as the screen darkens again. "Just- someone who would just sit next to me and not make it weird, even if I felt like the biggest waste of space and most dangerous ticking time bomb on the planet. Even if I said I didn't need it."

Tim makes a sound like he's wounded. Which -- for Tim, is barely more than a choked-off breath. Not even vocalized, just a change in his breathing, like he's trying to control his heart-rate and junk.

Kon can't not listen to his heartbeat, though. Tim's right next to him, and he's never been very good at tuning out Tim's heartbeat when it's so close. Not when it's so familiar and comforting when he needs something to keep him grounded.

"Anyways," Kon continues. He presses the home button on the controller, and as player one, it takes them back to the loading screen. "You really don't need to thank me for anything, Tim. I just wanted to be there for you."

Kon wants to play the stoic hero so goddamn badly. But when Tim grips his knee and swivels Kon towards him, there's a small part that can't help but be relieved.

Conner Kent is many, many things. And a good friend is one of them. But whatever makes Superman the perfect, self-sacrificing, empathetic-but-stoic hero never got written into Kon's DNA.

"I didn't know what it felt like back then," Tim says, facing Kon now. And there's something so intense on his face that Kon breaks out into a sweat. Can't ignore that he's said something real, something that's given Tim this visceral of a response. "If I didn't know what it was like, I can't apologize for not knowing exactly how serious it was, especially when you shut me out."

For a second, Kon's heart reaches his throat.

This, he realizes. This is why he doesn't open up to people. Tim's reaction is so Bat that for a second, Kon actually wants to fly away and bury himself under a rock actually, because getting belittled for not reacting well to a major depressive state is, wow-

"Kon- Shit, that wasn't the best way to start out," Tim suddenly says, and Kon realizes that his face must reflect his feelings, because he feels like he's hovering on the ledge again, stripped of his powers again and about to jump without a flight ring. "I have a point. One that isn't-" He lets out another huff through his nose, frustrated with himself. "One where I don't act like an asshole."

Tim rests his hand on one of Kon's. The hands that are gripping the controller so tightly that it could shatter it the instant his TTK gives out.

Kon realizes Tim is trying to get him to let go. His chest does something funny; his heart beats all sorts of wrong. But he lets out a breath and, importantly, lets Tim take the controller from his hands before he breaks it.

"I was trying to say," Tim says, carefully unplugging the cord and winding it around the controller. "If I had known what it felt like, or what you'd needed, I would have been there. I thought you wanted to be alone, and I wanted to respect that. I never would have let you hide away like that, if I'd known."

Kon can't look at him. He stares instead at the cord and controller and the way the console is still glowing.

He reaches for the power button. It manages not to crack upon contact.

"I wasn't telling you this so you could feel bad," he finally says, and holds out a hand for Tim.

Tim stares at him a moment.

"Your controller," he says, and Tim's face has the tiniest flicker of hurt before he acquiesces his controller. Damn it. "I mean it. It was a while ago, and I just wanted to be there for you when you went through it. Now you know, so it's no big deal."

There's something in his friend's eyes. "I'd say it's a pretty big deal. I should have-"

"We're even, anyways," Kon interrupts him. "You did visit me both times, I was just in too deep a funk to let you in."

Kon can see the gears turning in Tim's head. Trying to pinpoint exactly when this happened.

So he decides to spell it out for him. "Once in Cadmus, with Bart. You guys helped me get my life a little more in order then, actually -- I'd been sleeping basically all day for weeks, and living on coffee the few hours I was up." He cracks the faintest smile. "I've always been a trendsetter, I guess."

Tim doesn't laugh.

Kon tries to pivot, rubbing the back of his neck as he leans away. "Anyways. You can guess the other time it got bad -- I mean, you came to the farm. I heard you. I just couldn't bring myself to answer. That's my own fault. So we're even. You tried, you just didn't know how to reach me."

Tim looks grieved at the very suggestion. Even with no lights on in the room, and the sun having set hours ago, Kon's night vision has always been pretty good. The shadows on Tim's face are haunting. "Has it happened again since you've been back?"

There are things Kon thinks probably could have set it off again. Having people skim over his death because it's too painful for them, nevermind that he was the one to die, for one. But that's an old hurt, now, years after the fact. Being erased from this timeline and forgotten by all his friends hurt more. Losing his entire timeline and all his civilian relationships; knowing that no one in this reality would perfectly remember their old lives. That was worse than coming back from the dead.

Worse, though, was knowing he didn't have the power to save his loved ones. That Tim had been killed, basically -- but snagged away to an alternate time instead. Either way, Kon had been none the wiser on Gemworld, and Tim could have died permanently, if not for that extradimensional save.

He wants nothing more than to save his friends. That's all he wants.

This timeline makes Kon feel so completely out of his depth.

He's tired, he realizes. It really is late. Maybe he ought to turn in for the night. Spend some time at the farm, or maybe visiting old haunts. See what all is different.

Something squeezes in his chest.

"Kon?" Tim's voice brings him back.

"I'm good," he says. "Thanks. For asking, noticing -- you know. But you can put those detective skills away for right now. I'm alright."

Tim's face tells him he absolutely does not believe him.

Kon sends him a trademark grin, and gently -- very, very gently -- punches his arm. "Relax. I'm a little tougher than you're giving me credit for right now. Which, boo. I just kicked your ass in like eight rounds of Mario Kart, could a depressed person do that?"

"Parks n Rec hasn't been quotable in two years," Tim says. "You need new material. Something that isn't bad 90s and early 2000s TV or a sitcom."

"Recommend something that doesn't suck and I will," Kon says. He stands then, exaggeratedly stretching. "You staying the night here in the Tower?"

He knows for a fact that Tim plans on going back to Gotham using a zeta tube. He's just being polite, reminding Tim that he doesn't expect anything more than Mario Kart and someone who cares without being overbearing.

"Yeah, actually," Tim says. Kon stares after him. "You still got the pullout bed? I'm not tired yet, and you've got a thing for falling asleep to TV, so. I could put on something that doesn't suck, and I can make fun of you for falling asleep to it anyway."

Kon feels something in his throat tighten.

A small part of him wants to chase Tim away and sit by himself in the dark. Let memories and increasing isolation drive him into a new type of forcefield; one that not even Kon will be able to control if it gets strong enough.

Tim turns the TV input to a streaming service before Kon can say no. "You'll like it," he says. Looks up at Kon, the tiniest shred of caution in his eyes.

Kon knows what he's playing at.

Unwilling to be driven out. Just this once.

The pressure on his chest loosens, just for a moment. "If you say so," he says instead of no. "You got me to watch the Wendy reboot last month and it fucking sucked, it was so boring. Even if the original show wasn't great at least it was never dull. But." He pauses. "If you're really staying over- Let me grab the blankets."

The smile on Tim's face is small, but it's there. "If you thought the reboot was bad, wait'll you see the movie. They fucked up everyone's character so bad -- I barely recognized Wendy."

Kon laughs as he pulls out the trundle, grabs a stock of old blankets and sheets that he can't remember buying in this timeline, which might not mean anything. "No. No way. How bad?"

"I tried to buy the movie studio just to prevent them from making the sequel," he admits. "But that's alright. We'll always have the original. Or -- you know. Other shows. New stuff, to watch together." Tim gestures to the TV. "There's a couple I think you'd like. C'mon, watch just one episode of Stranger Things with me, okay? If you hate it we'll put on something else."

It doesn't take much work, putting on sheets with TTK. It takes even less work, somehow, sitting down on it with Tim against his side.

"Okay," he says.

Three episodes in, Kon is still awake. Tim's on his shoulder, though, asleep -- and that means he's alright, and he's not leaving tonight. Whatever breakdown Kon is -- was? -- on the verge of, is going to be postponed a little while longer.

A friend to sit by you, he thinks. When everything's in a fog and the only thing you can manage is to screw up -- that's what he needs most.

He eventually falls asleep, long before the missing boy is found, and long before the mystery of the Upside Down is solved.

Netflix asks Kon, in the morning light, if he's still watching. He blinks, and Tim is solidly asleep against his chest. He thinks, maybe, everything will be okay.

[solivagantingrebel]

This wip game is the hardest decision of my life. So I shall pick,,,whichever one you’re most excited to share!! <3

I'm indecisive too 😭

I'll do more than one, how about that? Excuse: because I can and rambling about fics to you in my favorite pastime <33

All of the ideas occupy a decent amount of brainspace but I've been inclined to think a lil about the Mafia AU!Swap just because isekai tropes are very fun imo.

OKAY, okay hear me out, Canonverse!Ghost being in a situationship with Soap before he gets dropped into the Mafia verse - the first chapter will probably be a bit dramatic, confusing, hey Ghost is tied up and captive again in what suspiciously feels like Mexico, war flashbacks to Roba but who ends up coming out of the door and facing him is a very fancily dressed John Mactavish with clothes a bit too tight for comfort and the smile oh-so-familiar and it's starting to feel less like a kidnapping and more like a scene Johnny is setting (it's working too - god it's working when he looks that good). But he - Soap - almost looks annoyed when he's called Johnny and he goes on this monologue talking about how he wiped out an entire Mafia front (some random name that Ghost can't connect) and it almost seems like he's gloating about doing that + tying Ghost down and damn, Johnny could've just asked if he was into this but he'd have to admit, taking him down and tying up was pretty impressive and as the whole gloating session it's getting clear that Ghost doesn't care what he's saying, he's just enamored and looking at Soap with hearts in his eyes.

Then, Johnny gets tired of him and it's increasingly clear that maybe, maybe it's not the Soap he knows but he's not left to think much about it because he passes out and the next time he's awake he's in a strange compound with comms in his ear and a bunch of knives in front of him and Johnny's talking about how he needs to kill all the mafia in proximity to survive and he's almost implying that everyone in the area wants Ghost dead. Turns out though, Ghost is really, really good with his knives and he manages with minimum injuries, much to unfamiliar Johnny's surprise.

And that's how Ghost ends up being a bodyguard / hitman for Soap temporarily as he figures out where and what happened, while Soap is constantly trying to test & humiliate him by throwing him in situations only a highly trained soldier can get out of (tough luck soap!! it's because Ghost was a prominent figure in the rival family) and the whole tone of the fic is a bit,,, violent but also? kind of romantic comedy? Because Soap thought he was taking a rival family's prodigy from them but Ghost's is farrrr too happy to be around him and he's cheeky and flirtatious on occasions and it's getting increasingly harder to deny that Ghost is starting to become one of the few people who actually, fully cares about Soap. Enemies to lovers but make it mutual pining ensues! The Serial Killer AU is probably the one that's bare bones but it's a funny lil fic in my brain. It probably happens in a small town somewhere, I haven't decided where but the gist is, Soap's an outlier and kind of an outcast in the society, the people his age are kind of jerks to him and he's never felt comfortable in the town either - probably has plans to move out soon for university or military or something. Because he's an outcast though, he has always been kinder to folks that are neglected, ignored or outcasts like him, and one of them just happens to be Ghost.

In my head, there's this scene where there's a bonfire party with the people who are known to be. more than privileged assholes, especially towards people like him. Soap goes to the party because it's probably a day or two before he leaves the town for good and he's just. there to get whatever he can (food and drinks) before he leaves, he sees Ghost again! Scanning the area with intensity that makes him a bit uneasy but he's still polite, kind and casual with him, and he sees something shift in Ghost's eyes but he doesn't think much of it. Cue later in the night and there's a huge commotion and people are running around saying there's a murder on the loose and he also runs away because of course, he stumbles into a cabin in the woods that he takes shelter in and subsequently falls asleep on the bed.

He later wakes up to a man wearing a mask with 'blood' splattered all over him and he couldn't help but honest to god, laugh. Because of course, right on the night before he's going to get out of the town for good, [OC that was horrible to him his whole life] would prepare something straight out of a movie to scare him. He ends up talking to the 'masked killer' about it and how he should drop the ruse because it's not worth it - and then gets an idea because damn, the man under the mask looks so?? built?? and if [OC] thought a mask could freak him, he had another thing coming because Soap is into it. Has always liked slasher flicks and the masked killers there. Soooo, he ends up sweet talking the killer and seducing him, making it turn into the best night of his life thus far.

Ghost - had already planned to spare Soap from the start, the only one in his eyes that deserved to survive, what he wasn't expecting was the boy to be in his cabin and seduce him and essentially make him fall in love with him that night. The next morning though, he's gone but Ghost vows to find him again. Now, he had a massacre he needed to frame someone else for.

Cue graduated / older Soap who runs into Ghost in the city he's living in and runs into Ghost and they have a night out. Turns out, there actually was a killer that night but Soap had a morning flight to take so he didn't know what happened later on. and he knew it wasn't the poor, masked boy who was forced to scare him because it ended up being the [OC] who was deemed the culprit - who also took his life that night. Well, he didn't have to linger on such macabre, tragic events when Ghost was staring at him with those handsome eyes, did he? I'll be soooo real, I'm the most excited for the last chapter of the Christmas WIP but it's going to be coming out soon so! Maybe it can wait a lil bit, here's something for that also - thank you so much for inspiring the Ghostsoap dancing idea, it was a blast to write! (im so sorry if there's typos and mistakes here)

This was dangerous.  But I couldn’t help myself.  I placed my free hand above his waist, palm slowly stretching over the meat of his stomach before I curled my fingers around him. The permission to touch buzzed with a strange sort of anticipation I hadn’t felt before; I could, if I wanted to, when I tried to imagine giving in to the impulses I had of pulling Simon in and kissing him senseless, I had a feeling he would’ve let me. I traced the soft lines of his stomach through the layers of his clothes, the haze reaching from the warmth of his skin to his scent clouding in my head.  “Johnny.” His voice was soft, delicate against my skin, and it was then I realised he was dipping his head close, lips next to my ear; short, punched out breaths travelling down the length of my neck while goosebumps pricked over my arms. I moved before his closeness wiped every thought clean from my brain, intertwining my fingers through the hand that I still held. The music curled in a delicate, growing rhythm around us. “Dance with me.”  That wasn’t what I meant to say but he managed it seamlessly, in perfect tempo, and when I guided him towards the middle of the room step by step, he followed more ardently than my shadow. With his breath on my neck, my grip on his waist, the tune of the instruments dragged like an anchor through time, slowing everything down until the sway of his body against mine was the only thing that mattered.  We weren’t exactly following the beat or the dance steps like my mam taught me — which wasn’t possible in my current physical condition anyway — but Simon didn’t complain and I didn’t want to stop. 

[bardicbeetle]

hey. Hey. You got any analysis of the Lost Boys or thoughts on the movie to share? who's your favorite character in it and why??

@abalonetea

Analysis on the movie I've been many levels of obsessed with since age 14 you ask?

...this is going to end up undercut for length I can already feel it.

The Lost Boys is my comfort movie, my I-feel-like-shit-nothing-is-fixing-it movie, my I-can't-write-please-help movie and my go-to for when I am inflicting media upon a new friend. I know it backwards forwards, upside down and inside out, I own the out of print novelization written by Craig Shaw Gardener, I posted the original prequel script to fanfiction.net in the early 2010s because I found it buried in a forum post and wanted it to be easier to find, I have listened to every version of cry little sister that G Tom Mac has ever put out in addition to the entire stage musical he produced. The fic I wrote for it in 2011 is still on Wattpad and to this day for some fuck ass reason gets 1000s of hits per year. I have another fic for it on ao3 that still takes up brainspace for me on a minimum weekly basis.

I.

Honestly do not know who I am as a writer if not for this film.

It is such a huge part of who I am as both a fan of media and a vampire writer and as a horror enjoyer in general.

And it is undeniably, baked into its bones, queer as fuck.

Not just from the overt point of here is a film in the 1980s about men sharing blood, directed by an openly gay man, hands us platonic and familial and romantic interactions between male characters, who are allowed to hold one another, allowed to express emotion, allowed to exist freely and without shame I am--so very abnormal about this movie.

I'll be the first to admit it's not perfect by any means, it very much exists a time capsule of its era, but also, to momentarily put the bar on the floor, it isn't slur laden and full of take-backs for any of the emotional vulnerability like other things around then were (see: Once Bitten, which while unarguably very much more on the comedy side of horror-comedy, i'm going to put into the same category by virtue of Camp Vampire Movies of the 80s).

It hands us one of my favorite mothers of all time. Lucy Emerson is a treasure, she spends the whole movie trying her goddamn best to remember that she is stronger than anyone gives her credit for. That she chose to divorce an abusive man, pick up her two sons, and leave without more than signing the papers and getting out. She doesn't care if they're poor, she doesn't care if she could have gotten something from her ex-husband, she wants her boys safe and there is a very large implication that sticking around to do the whole song and dance would have ended badly. Lucy lives for her sons, she wants so badly to make the world easier for them than it was for her, she wants to be part of their lives and part of their interests even if she does not understand them, and I maintain that Had Max Actually Succeeded, it would not have been long before the Lost Boys themselves were Lucy's as much as her own two sons, and that would not have ended well for Max. Protecting mother, lioness, made to be underestimated so you are always caught off guard.

Edgar and Alan Frog are near and dear to my heart, these idiot vampire hunter children were just so very much what my brother and I were in terms of Making Up Games To Play--ignoring the fact that for these two it's real, not that it ever had been before the Emerson family rolled into town and Sam's brother got mixed into the Lost Boys group. Edgar wanting to be in charge of things and wanting to protect the people he cares about and the town he is too stubborn to admit he loves despite being what, 12? 14? Alan being quieter but just as absolutely ready to go "yeah we are totally experts at this" as his twin, the fact that neither of them have any idea what they are getting into. Dipping barely into the sequels territory (which...they aren't good. by any definition. but Edgar and Alan are the best part of them both) we get Edgar dealing not only with his perceived loss of Alan to half-vampirism, but his whole loss of Sam after having to kill him and I just.

Ugh.

NOW, dipping into the main event there is Michael, who spends this whole movie just trying to figure out where the hell he's supposed to belong at this point. He doesn't see any point in starting a new high school in his senior year, he doesn't want to upset his mother by just absolutely dropping off the planet, he cares deeply about his family and wants to help however he can because they are struggling for money. So what does this seventeen year old kid do? He starts picking trash up off the beach for eight hours a day. He gives that money to his mother under the guise of it being "leftover from christmas" because he doesn't want her to worry about him working. He feels so fucking lonely without the friends he left behind in Phoenix and he feels like he's too old to supplant himself into a new friend group in Santa Carla before everyone goes their separate ways after high school anyways.

Enter Star and the Lost Boys.

Yes, Michael is taken in by Star because she's beautiful and mysterious and he's a teenage boy seeing nipples through a tank top, but beyond that he sees in her, in David and the others, how self sure they all are of the decisions they've made. This group is all within his age, they're all living in a goddamn sunken hotel half claimed by the ocean, they have motorcycles like him, they smoke weed and eat chinese food and Marko keeps pigeons and Dwayne can skateboard and Paul is a music nerd and what the fuck how do they manage to seem like they have their lives more together as a group of teenage runaways than he does?

He's enamored with it, obsessed with it, the movie speeds up a timeline of something that does in fact happen over the course of a couple weeks, of him hanging out with them, slowly experiencing more and more symptoms of vampirism from the blood he drank the first night, unable to stop coming back, unable to really figure out what it is they have figured out that he doesn't, and hoping that maybe if he stays with them he will eventually feel the same confidence in his own existence that they do.

But couple that with the horrifying reality that he is becoming a monster. His younger brother is terrified of him, the family dog bites him, the horses won't go near him, he pulls a mouse out of a trap freshly dead and squeezes it like a spent juice box into his mouth, he is falling apart at the seams by the time David decides it's time to finish things. And that's what David wants, he wants Michael in a position where he is no longer lucid enough to resist once there's blood in the air.

And it almost fucking works.

I stand by my belief that the entire movie hinges on the beach party where the Lost Boys kill a whole bunch of Surf Nazis. The whole thing, the outcome of the final fight, the failure of Max's plan, all of it hangs on that one night, and whether or not Michael can actually manage not to give into the bloodlust. He does manage, obviously, he leans into the shock and fear and near throws himself out of that tree because he knows that if he doesn't, he will join the blood bath happening not ten feet away. He is starving and exhausted and everything in him is screaming that if he just gave in, it would all feel so much better.

But he doesn't.

He lays in the sand until he cannot hear any heartbeats left.

Lays there clawing his hands into the ground like if he can hold himself still enough then maybe this will stop being real.

Three of the four boys don't pay much mind to this, Dwayne Paul and Marko have slipped back into regular antics despite being coated red. Their faces have returned to normal, their eyes no longer brilliant gold rimmed red, they are laughing and shoving and having a good time.

But David is furious. He's quiet about it, he isn't loudly angry, something I think he probably absorbed from Max over the years, he tells Michael what needs to be done if he wants to stay with them, and then he and the other Lost Boys leave him there in the sand, burnt flesh and ashes drifting down to him on the breeze.

The thing about David is that he realized the night on the train bridge that he didn't care about Max's bullshit plan. He didn't care that he was originally going to feed Michael to Star. He is fixated on getting Michael to join them, not just for himself, not just to keep Star around, but also because there's a refusal to give up in this kid that has him excited, a stubbornness that he wants to break. It's the thing that eventually leads to his death.

ANYWAYS.

I think, perhaps, I have yelled enough.

Oh, shit, favorite character.

I think without any doubt it has to be David. Especially after reading the novelization, the comics, the original prequel script, he's just, he is such an interesting character and his motivations are so obvious despite how much he would appear to hold them close to his chest. He's a root character I can trace a lot of the tropes that carry over in my own antagonists to, and some of my protagonists as well.

double anyways, camp vampires from 1987 my beloved.

Thank you Katie <3

[lifeofkaze]

2023 - A Roundup

How fast the year has gone. I feel like it's been only yesterday that 2023 stepped on stage, and now, the curtain is falling on it already, with 2024 waiting in the wings.

It has grown quiet here this year. In the fandom, on my blog, on my online presence. There's multiple reasons for that - some personal, some life-related, some people-related, but with the prospect of a fresh new year on the horizon, all these things are either something I intend to embrace more fully or leave behind for good.

Looking at my history of 2021 and 2022, 2023 was the sparsest one on the writing front up to date, and here, too, are several very different reasons for this. I've written little this year, and published even less, and yet, I feel like I have grown more into myself as a writer than ever before. A lot of projects I had in the pipeline got scrapped, or converted, or pulled from public access to become a better version of themselves.

If you are interested in what has become of projects that I may have mentioned or worked on in the past, here's an itemised list of 30 years of what my future plans are (with major tbc because, have you ever even talked to me?)

HPHL era:

A Lifetime of Adventures - Selene's story What was meant to be an antology of several many stories is still an an antology but greatly reduced in both numbers, cast and things it covers. It will still span from Selene's first year at Hogwarts to her last, with an aimed at one story per year (which you fully know will not work, but hey). Parts of it are already written and published as independent shorts, others are unpublished and yes, it will still be happening. As for the parts detailing Selene's later life... that remains to be seen. There's a lot Selene has to tell but she and I need to sit and see if these stories are for me only, or if she wants to share them with the world.

Smoke and Mirrors - Caro's story With Brady going his own way in the Pendleton Tradition (you GO @kc-the-writer), Caro has decided that she can do what Brady can do because duh. Smoke and Mirrors is no longer a fanfic/fandom story but a very much unfinished rough draft that will probably turn out to be an original novella set in modern day NYC about a young med student and the pressure of expectations and self-imposed perfectionism. I wonder where I've heard that before.

Henry's story Despite being my resident book-character, Henry never asked me of a story of his own. Everything I still have in store for him revolves around either Selene or Caitlin and if he lets me into his head (which has always been an incredible but rare thing) it would be as unrelated shorts. In all honesty, I don't think it's likely that they will come into existence outside of my drafts, though.

Caitlin's story There is a potential novella about Caitlin's way to become a healer in my head which is too bittersweet for me to let go of just yet because not only would it give her some room to shine but also gives closure to two other characters very dear to me (and honestly, reading the draft makes me choke up, so there's that). I would prefer this as an original novella, but seeing as some of it would lose impact without the knowing the characters involved... I'm not quite sure what to do with it yet.

HPHM era:

A Source of Balance My baby, my joy, essence of my sleepless nights (and not in a good way). The third part of the Balance series is 100 % going to happen and 100 % happening on this blog. Apart from details I will figure out as I go, the whole story is planned in my usual over-planning style and I'm honestly just waiting for brainspace to clear up and the blank page to become less scary. It may take a while to get the complexity of it right but... watch this space.

Larger than Life My other baby, my heartbreak, my... yeah. Larger than Life has always been different, Ava has always been different, this whole project has been... different. Because of various issues, I've decided to remove this project from my fandom rota for good. It will still happen, my heart is too firmly set on it, but it will be as an original project over on @kaze-writes and will be a sweet while until I'm able to sort out the problems that comes from uprooting it. But all in all, I am very much happy with the decision I've finally come to with this.

When Stars Ignite When Stars Ignite has been removed from all my writing platforms as it is still under re-construction, and probably will be for another sweet while. This story has fully left any fandom connections behind and has turned into my (and @alyslaskeywriter) first full-length novel (mine, that is, Alys is miles head of me with her incredible book The Chief, which you really should check out bc oh my). My lose intention is to maybe query it for publishing at some point in the future, so I wouldn't hold my breath for its return to online spaces.

HPMA era:

New Horizons - Reva's story Reva's rise and fall from grace and her journey to herself has never really been a fandom thing and will become an original novel once I figure out how to research faraway travel destinations without drowning in wanderlust. It may take a while.

A Bright Future - Dana's and Dylan's story The story of Dylan and Dana is still up for debate in my head. There's days when I want to continue with this as a fandom project as intended, and there's others when an original friends-to-lovers romcom is begging me to have my way with it. The outcome remains to be seen.

Shorts:

All shorts directly associated with stories that have moved to the original side of my writing will follow suit. Everything else I have written or drafted up will remain here, or be posted on my original blog and reblogged to here in case there wouldn't have been a difference anyway.

Original:

All original works you have heard me speak about (namely, Lemons, Icarus, Memento Mori and That Fantasy Thing That Is Going To Drive Me Insane Before Long are still all in development and not yet ready to be written. But we're getting there. Somehow.

So, if any of the stories you have been waiting for or thought I had promised but forgotten them isn't on that list, do feel free to ask! I love talking to people and I've not been good at it this year. I miss the creative core of this community, and getting to see other people's projects unfold and grow from idea to reality. If you want creative exchange, I beg you, this is always a place for it.

In that regards, my favourite peeps, I wish you a very happy end to 2023 and a creative, peaceful and - naturally - balanced start into 2024.

Here's to you. Here's to all of us.

Keep writing 💛

xx Kaze

[klavery]

tell us your klavery hcs about how they started dating^^ (who asked who first, where they go for dates, first kisses/hand holding, etc)

EEEK! I AM SO SORRY!!! this took a while 2 answer cuz i wrote a whole frickin ESSAY! i guess thats what happens when u ask tumblr user klavery 2 talk about klavery, lol.... ANYWAYS,

ok ok omg... firstly i want 2 warn that i clearly take them wayy too seriously and romanticize the fuck out of them and its rly embarrassing bcuz they are stupid but i am just too gone 4 them at this point so 😊👍

SO LIKE!!! avery being aspec + autistic in my minds eye affects pretty much everything abt their relationship 2 romance & dating & stuff... so that & the fact theyre like a dorky awkward nerd to me makes them pretty passive & nervous abt romance stuff, at least at first! avery seems like they could b the suave confident type when it comes 2 romance, which is the kind of person i think their character develops into once they get the hang of it (still a silly dork tho OF COURSE). that being said, in the beginning, avery wasnt usually the one to initiate things often! klara was his first everything... his first crush, his first kiss, everything like that (as opposed to klaras like, 20 exes, lol) so he was kind of inexperienced XP

the development of their relationship is like... at first they HATED each other, they found each other so ANNOYING and INSUFFERABLE, naturally... until a little problem in the form of a 13 year old child showed up at the dojo. apparently this kid was enough of a mutual threat to get the two of them to tolerate each other enough to reluctantly team up... also can i say they r literally like cartoon antagonists to me? they are SO funny and dumb i am SO obsessed... anyways! after the whole main plot of the isle of armor is over, they still kinda almost, try 2 awkwardly ignore each other? tsunderes... they cant admit theyre growing fond of each other xP and after a while, that strategy just doesnt work out :p they continue 2 train at the dojo, and this soon leads 2 them becoming friends! this part is integral 2 me 4 the development of their relationship, they become total besties, they r such galpals........

after some indeterminate amount of time after becoming friends, avery finally falls for her. i headcanon klara was always attracted to him, even when she hated him, lol. they were like two freaks who were perfect partners in crime. they get really close and affectionate, even platonically ❤ ... u can tell how crazy i am over enemies to friends to lovers for them xP

so with ALL THAT in mind.... i think klara would ask first? technically? i mean klara would b the kind of person 2 want someone 2 confess their undying love 4 her, but avery was kindaa weird. i dont think they would have EVER asked her directly tbh.... they were soo confused abt their feelings hehe, abt her but also abt dating in general. klara kinda knew abt the latter, considering avery would have opened up 2 her abt it in my brainspace. i guess knowing this she would just shoot her shot & suggest that they could date! avery is so nervous.... he panics and says he needs time 2 think on it, and when he finally recomposes himself hes all like, Ahem, Klara, I Would Like To Formally Accept Your Ever So Gracious Invitation.. hehehe.... he was so funny.

UM so they try dating!! and i dont rly care if it isnt realistic or believable or whatever at all i just like cute indulgent things.

so what do they do!?! WELL, i think a particular Official artwork could answer that..

(ok but could u IMAGINE my reaction when this was first revealed!? they literally merchandised MY headcanons they merchandised MY SHIP they did it ALL 4 me💞💞💞 this is my own scan too btw! sooo worth it. its soo in character too, klara too busy clout chasing 2 notice her partners abt 2 get his flesh melted off over some curry 😊 and of course, all the lil slowpokes around them❤ quintessential klavery image). but ya! this could possibly b their first date?? i feel like i wanna honor the existence of this wonderful art and say yes.... so aside from pokecamping or just hanging out around the island doing tasks and training and such, OFC they would go shopping, they would go 2 the mall, they would have spa day, avery would take her 2 high end fancy restaurants (bcuz hes upper class and loaded lol), all while being menaces 2 society of course 🥰. OH! wanna know what i think would b cute?? THIS IS SO CRINGE but basically i hc that they have rooms at the dojo 4 the students (so they dont have 2 sleep in tents or go home everyday or whatever...) and i think it would b SO cute if honey and/or mustard helped avery set up a lil candlelit dinner date in his room~ its so silly but so sweet❤

hmm.. honestly i really like the idea of their first kiss being kinda like, lowkey. juxtaposed to the kind of people they are. one might expect some kind of grandiose fairytale type situation... when in fact they were just chillin alone somewhere on the island, and she asked 2 kiss them... and they agreed! it left avery asking themself, what am i doing? how did i get here?? everything had been so different. this definitely wasnt what they would have imagined for themself... but they loved it. averys life was changing in unexpected ways. i guess this was first-love making him a little cuckoo in the head, huh? maybe this event had been a bit grandiose, in its own way.

WOW this post really devolved into me writing fanfiction about how kissing klara caused existential revelations within avery. nice! ok!

anyways!!! we r almost at the end! so!! avery was so touch starved, omg. he wouldnt let just anyone touch him, tho, of course. but if he liked you, well... earlier i said i believed they were pretty close b4 they dated, so if klara were to grab their hand, they wouldnt object, hehe~ (shes the one w the cold hands btw, and a firm grip, too..). things abt avery & physical touch interest me so much honestly, it is so intriguing when a character who could use psychic powers 4 everything would decide not to... especially when it comes 2 affection....

eeeeeaaaaahhh!!! ive gone on too long!! i never talk abt my hcs in detail EVER so like! theres stuff i know i couldve elaborated on more but i didnt wanna go TOO off topic... ofc i could write whole novels about my silleys..... THANK U 4 SENDING THIS!!!! hope it was comprehensible, heheh

[22degreehalo]

[Okay so this started as a reblogged addition to this previous post of mine but then it got long enough to stand alone sooooo]

Okay actually to narrow this down a bit, there's something incredibly fascinating about the way that despite Ashley being the driving force behind most of the story, it's almost always Andrew who actually commits the physical act of hurting someone.

Because, yes, despite what I said above, that particular aspect of their dynamic is deeply gendered: 'bad women' are usually the ones who manipulate and connive rather than get their hands dirty directly (with the unintended side effect that we tend to not take it seriously when women DO take physical action, because it just doesn't feel as 'real' or 'bad' as when men do it), while physical aggression is limited to men.

But there's so much more to it. There's the way Andrew feels a need to protect Ashley, which takes from the way he was parentified by his mother into having to take care of her as an authority and guardian rather than just another kid in his own right. The fact that Ashley really did need someone to protect her, because... she was kind of badly lacking in social skills and emotional regulation, to the point of exhibiting sadistic tendencies even from a young age. (Or, I suppose I should say, sadistic tendencies that she never grew out of, due to lacking the normal emotional development that sees young kids develop that kind of conscience?) All of which made her, realistically, pretty darn unpopular!!!

But also... that is a manipulation tactic. It's one of the classic signs of a cult: pressure/coerce a member to engage in some kind of morally reprehensible action, and once that's happened, it becomes far far harder for them to get out. Partially because they've now badly severed any other outside support systems; Renee knew what happened with Nina, and even if she had more hope for Andrew than she ever did Ashley even after that, it clearly framed how she saw those two and their relationship after that point. And, y'know, there's the fact that Andrew is seriously worried that they'll be thrown in jail, which means that he can't tell anyone else what happened, or even let them realise 'how bad' Ashley is, or they might start remembering that missing girl Ashley always used to hang out with...

But also partially because it complicates any internal sense of being a victim of another person's abuse. How can you act like you're some sweet little innocent baby, pushed around by the big old scary abuser, when you yourself have blood on your hands? (Part of why I find it a bit... unsettling? How many people in the TCOAAL fandom sincerely spread that his relenting to Ashley's manipulation makes him 'just as bad'.) It creates an internal sense of guilt and 'need' to be punished, or to be controlled by somebody who can make the 'right decisions'. And it furthers a sense that there's 'no going back' - that there's no point in even trying to escape this relationship, because it's gone too far, and the victim has already given up any hope of having or deserving a life outside of it.

And that's related to something I've had bouncing around in my mind for a lonnnnng time, but still even now don't have the brainspace to fully unpack it. People talk a lot about the inherent trauma of being a woman living under the patriarchy, but I think we don't discuss enough the inherent moral damage of being a man under the same circumstances.

Men are raised to see themselves as aggressive; hostile; killers; predators. They're taught that any sex they get from women is at her expense, a deal that can only be made good by their being Successful Enough to 'earn' it. That success, of course, is zero-sum; men must prove themselves over other men competitively to 'win', whether by earning more money, being more dominant, or (in attemptively progressive spaces) by being 'nicer' or 'better feminists' than other men. Men are expected to sacrifice; to war, to defending the women in their life, to working themselves to the bone under capitalism where women are 'supposed' to rely on men, instead. And that 'protecting' inherently implies violence against other men: men are expected by default to be able to throw themselves into the fray and get beat up and beat up somebody else in turn, and if they can't, they're viewed as lesser; pathetic and selfish. Men aren't given any support system to NOT be capable of inflicting violence. No matter how pacifist or anxious or disabled they are, they are in and of themselves viewed as 'acceptable targets' of violence, due to a perceived inherent ability to enact violence themselves.

Of course Andrew is the one to pull the trigger most of the time. Of course he takes it on as rote, as just his expected part in their messed-up relationship. Of course Ashley gladly lets him, even when she's the one who really wants to see the victim hurting. Of course Ashley encourages him into it, making him part of her decisions, binding him to her in blood over and over again, and of course she then throws it in his face as him 'choosing her', because what can he plausibly say to argue against that? And, then, of course his 'decay' involves turning his violence against both Ashley and himself, because he's too far gone to turn back now and become the monster Ashley was trying to turn him into.

AGAIN, I don't mean this as anti-Ashley; I think this is a super insightful display of both gender and abuser dynamics, and as I've said above, there are a whole heck of a lot of reasons why Ashley is the way she is. Also, fucked up and unjustifiably bad female characters are good sometimes!!

Just. Ashley does, canonically, encourage Andrew to engage in acts that his conscience rails against - actions that fill him with guilt and emotional pain - and then uses all of that to tie him to her ever stronger so he'll never leave. It says a lot that she gets so nervous when Andrew stops acting so guilty in the Burial route; because if she can't throw that moral damage back at him, how is she supposed to make sure he doesn't leave? If he's happy and well-adjusted and believes he deserves a decent life, why would he ever willingly stay with her?! (So she thinks.)(Not that she's entirely wrong, but.) She doesn't trust healthy relationship dynamics; she trusts guilt and trauma bonding.

(And it also means something hella big that Andrew seemingly doesn't get quite so many of those guilt-ridden nightmares as he pretends. Is he trying to pretend to himself he hasn't already slipped so far? Does he crave Ashley's loving reassurance just as much as she wants him to need it? It's like... speaking of intricate rituals, holy hell if this isn't fucking one of them: getting messed up in the head over committing cannibalism and murder, but then continuing to pretend that it's messing you up long after you're sorta getting over it, because that's the safest and easiest way to make your sister happy and nice to you.)

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

First off, the way you write Tsumiki is so beautiful and makes so much sense and I would die for her. Also, Tsumiki/Maki is fucking inspired. It fits so perfectly within the story and fleshes out both of their characters and I have so many feelings about it.

What you wrote about the cause of the no-contact fits so well with the Zenin how do you even come up with this!! And it also reframes so many scenes in sea glass gardens (specifically, I went to double check bc I just realized that Tsumiki still refers to Megumi’s dogs by their names and they still reapond to them. I am going to cry Megumi deserved so much better). Nanami is absolutely insane in the best way for demanding half custody like he seems like he’d be willing to throw hands over it regardless of the cost to himself and it’s so perfect with how much he (like Gojo) believes so much in protecting children. I have more words to say but not the brainspace to say them bc it is late at night for me. But! I would die for you and your writing thank you so much for getting into jjk

I’m soo glad that y’all liked Tsumiki/Maki too. The versions of them that live in my head just fit together like puzzle pieces. They were each other’s foil and they understood the other all the more for being what the other had chose not to be. Tsumiki had chosen her sibling and Maki had chosen herself, and both of them know what it means to have those be mutually exclusive.

Also the version of Tsumiki that lived in my head violently hates the Zenin and I could not imagine anything more attractive to Maki. Tsumiki would firebomb their compound without hesitation or regret. Maki wants to kiss her on the mouth.

Tsumiki very purposefully was designated as the character who would keep calling the dogs by their names, because she’s the one who most aggressively tries to insulate Megumi from the effects of the jujutsu world on him.

Tsumiki knew Kuro and Shiro longer than anyone. She remembers when Megumi first summoned his puppies. She knows exactly how much he loves them and she knows exactly how badly he must have been hurt to push him to never call them by their names again. Those dogs mean the world to him, and she knows it.

In her mind, what Megumi lost wasn’t his love for his dogs. If he lost that, she thinks he’d be more willing to call them by their names—names are just easy ways of distinguishing them, after all. They’re already named. He’s only inconveniencing himself by never saying their names aloud.

She thinks Megumi stopped calling them by name as a way of protecting them from the Zenin clan.

He never saw his family again, is the thing, but the Zenin have always existed on their periphery. They know that the Zenin haven’t lost interest in him. Gojo tries to shield them (but mostly Megumi) from as much of the Zenin as possible, but they know that the Zenin have been prodding them for more contact and information on Megumi ever since Gojo cut them off. And they know that the Zenin have a lot of contact with the jujutsu world. They both assumed that, over the years, plenty of people have reported back to the Zenin on Megumi.

They trust Gojo, Nanami, Shoko, and Ijichi to not leak information to the Zenin. No one else.

She’s always suspected that Megumi stopped calling his dogs by their names because he didn’t want it to get back to the Zenin that he loved them like pets still. They’d be safer if the Zenin didn’t realize how much he still loved them. Maybe if he hid it, they’d assume they scared him off, and they wouldn’t hire someone to kill a dog when he’s on a mission or something. And that’s what she’ll never forgive the Zenin for taking from him.

They took away Megumi’s safety in his love. It became something he didn’t feel comfortable showing, ever, because it was something he would be hurt over. They made him hide it. And it kills Tsumiki to see, because her brother loves more fiercely than anyone she’s ever met. He loves in a way that terrifies her, sometimes, because she thinks it will kill him one day, she really does.

He loved those dogs enough to be beat within an inch of his life to keep them safe. He wouldn’t just suddenly start treating them like they’re impersonal weapons. They’re still Kuro and Shiro to him, she knows it. They’re still his puppies. And she doesn’t want the Zenin to get to take that from him.

She doesn’t want Megumi to just… succumb to what the jujutsu world did to him. She doesn’t want him to just take the beating the way he took it for his dogs. And she doesn’t want him to just sacrifice himself for her and call it a day. She wants him to fight for himself and for his right to live on his own terms. And she’s not sure if he’ll do that.

So she’ll fill in the gaps where she can. His dogs’ names are Shiro and Kuro, and they’re her brother’s puppies. They’re her best boys and she’ll treat them like pets all day long if she pleases, because the Zenin had no fucking right to take that from her brother. She’ll spit in Zenin Naobito’s face if she ever gets half a chance.

[hollow-keys]

Diana and Clark for the character bingo (bc you said they were on your mind)

I mean, they were on my mind but I have the attention span of a *remembers goldfish can actually remember things for months* me.

Anyway, on it boss 🫡

Clark

People in the 30's were so right to get attached to him I really love him. I relate to his feeling of alienation and his self consciousness a lot which has led to some. Projecting. A lot of people are wrong about him (by virtue of being so popular) but not enough to tick the everyone is wrong about them box.

Of course there's the "Superman should be dark" Zack Synder crowd and whatever the fuck Injustice is but there's also people who make him too clean and perfect or overemphasise his niceness IMO. My view of him probably comes from reading older comics (especially golden age) where he's a bit rougher and I like that side of him. Like his original tagline was "Champion of the Oppressed" he forced a war profiteer to enlist to teach him a lesson, he trapped a mining company owner (and his party guests) in a mine so he would make his mines safer, he tore down a slum to force the government to rebuild it with better materials all within his first few issues in Action Comics. And this characterization wasn't entirely in those early issues, like later on in DC presents #28 where he fucking. Gives Mongul (unfortunate name)* a brain hemorrhage (it was the only way he could think of to defeat him). Or in The Death of Superman where he kills Doomsday without umming and ahhing over whether or not it's sentient. He's like Diana in that he won't kill most of the time and tries to understand others but he's not a hardline "no kill" guy.

*Elaborating on that but giving a character who is both a villain and has yellowy coloured skin a name that's one letter off of a real Asian ethnicity is uhh... unfortunate ignorance at best and purposefully racist at worst. Mongul. Mongol. They're not even pronounced differently.

*Abrupt segue* Anyway, back to Superman. His meaner and more overtly leftist side frequently gets watered down so he gets characterised as a "hug it out" liberal. I won't say this is a mischaracterisation because there's no one Superman, but it's not my fave.

There's also a lot of discourse about who the real guy is. Is he Kal, Clark or Superman? So you get the shitty take in Kill Bill that calls Clark Kent his critique of humanity (what?) or the Byrne take where Kal doesn't matter.

In my view, he's all of it. He grew up an anomaly, worried he could crush his peers without a thought, constantly having to control himself. Of course he's clumsy because he's spending so much time reigning in 99% of his power, he doesn't have brainspace to think about minutiae. Of course he's anxious because one wrong move could kill somebody. When he's Superman a lot of his brainspace gets freed up because he doesn't have to hide so he's more confident. His heritage does matter because all immigrants, or even descendants of them like me, feel a connection with their heritage, and for someone who never got to know it in the way he should have, he feels a longing for it.

He idealises Krypton and is forced to recon with the flawed reality of it later when he talks to Kara about what it was actually like, which I found a bit relatable because I would idealise Ireland as a child and only really took the rose coloured glasses off later on (which sounds stupid but I was a child and it was really easy to feel like Ireland would be more of a home for me when I didn't fit in in England and my Irish mother accepted me. I extrapolated).

None of it is fake, which is out of line with golden age Clark being non-confrontational and making himself small as part of his disguise, but I don't treat any era as gospel. So yeah, I have a lot of autistic feelings about him.

Umm. I didn't intend for this to be so long I just got rambling about various Clark thoughts that have been buried somewhere in my head for a while.

Diana

She may not be your fave of all time but she's still going in the blorbo by proxy category because you're a fan. On to my actual thoughts about her.

A lot of my feelings about her are mired in my thoughts on her treatment as the only female member of the trinity and how the amazons are treated/written in general rather than solely being about her because in a lot of ways she's symbolic of DC's treatment of women.

WRT the trinity, she's the only member without a secondary title (she used to have Sensation Comics a long time ago) and her potentially much more interesting dynamic with Clark is shoved aside in favour if Clark + Batman. The trinity really feels like it's BATMAN!!! Superman also! and uh *checks smudged handwriting* Wobner Woman.

WRT her she's frequently sexualised, almost always written by privileged men, her supporting characters get nothing (the first non-Diana wonderfam related ongoing was Wonder Girl in 2021 and only lasted 7 issues), her lore gets retconned with much less hastle than Batman or Superman's and her series numbering keeps getting rebooted*

*This may seem like a petty complaint but I've noticed that characters who get rebooted numbering are often ones who while popular enough to get consistent ongoings, don't get a lot of faith from DC so they use the new number 1's as a gimmick to garner interest.

But to focus solely on her as a character, I feel similarly to you about liking her in a chill way. She feels less relatable to me than Clark but she's very cool still. I like her optimism, her strong sense of justice, general badassery and also that she's willing to cross that line and kill under certain circumstances. Her diplomatic bent really makes her unique among heroes too.

I need to read more of her absolutely.

---

But yeah, the reason I was thinking about them was because I was (and am) annoyed that Clark and Bruce are pushed as the dynamic when Clark and Diana make much more sense.

They're both outsiders (in different ways) with incredible power who base their justice around harm reduction and have a sense of optimism about the world and the ability to do better. Both make a point of being compassionate, considerate and diplomatic. Bruce's justice is rooted in his trauma and a desire to protect others from experiencing that and he's more pessimistic. He's not particularly considerate or good at communicating, he can be quite self centered and he's obscenely wealthy, which I think would put him at odds with Clark and his values. (Yeah, yeah, Bruce donates to charity but he's still a billionaire so it's clearly not enough, and while Clark may not be straight up commie, I do think he'd agree that being a billionaire is too much).

The reason Bruce and Clark are pushed so much is because they're DC's most famous characters but Diana isn't too far behind and she makes more sense as Clark's closest friend on the League but DC hates women and loves Batman so it's Batman and Superman: World's Finest forever and ever.

Thanks for asking!

[dirtyoldmanhole]

real dweeby navel gazing time

i think one of the reasons i am having genuinely, so much fun with this gunter slowburn fanfic despite sitting at a literal 53k words rn and with it probably being close to 90k all said and done, is it's ... writing the ship i see myself in the most by far on both sides.

like, ever.

this shit is the rawest most honest shit i've ever written.

i've talked a little bit about how corrin's memory wipe stuff is literally a 1:1 to my anesthesia/childhood surgery/physical therapy conga line of bullshit. even aside from the helpful textual 'here's how this works from a medical event standpoint' there's the 'here's the emotional scars that it will leave because yes it is a bodily/mind violation of a sense, over and over, and jesus all of this of this stuff goes so well thematically to the straight up fantasy bullshit of nohr with the underpinning of being hyper-aware to the themes of "power" "use" "what it takes to survive by emotionally dragging yourself through a minefield" etc. stuff i've been ruminating over since being conscious lol.

then my body's so whack from a physical joint perspective that there's also almost word for word conversations from gunter's side that i've had with my gf about how to navigate certian shit from a kink perspective but also like... how to maintain dignity when your body's kinda physically crapping out on you due to the march of time.... without loosing the sexytimes u know?

the concept of dignity in the face of being broken is a huge theme in this fic that gets echoed. very poignant for reasons you fates players know.

amusingly there's a scene near the end where corrin's helping him to shave after his stroke. (in one of fate's "clearly having a giggle at my expense" coincidences i've been in contact lately irl with somebody who's also gone through a stroke and man is it not easy) and it's this kind of perfect blend of she's helping him, technically, with something that could just be... god awful self loathing brainspace wise for him but it turns into this amazingly hot kink scene with some serious sizzling power exchange.

the dream, man!

there is a real thin line between being able to laugh at yourself *while* keeping that dignity to pointedly.... having to not look in the mirror some days. desire and shame being some real fucked up entangled wires too, in that sense.

the tumblr uwu approved discussions re: tricky medical/'my body is crapping out on me man and i can't hide it'/kink shit and having to be ~valid~ all the time gives me the hiiiiiveeeees man (and i'm not knocking it for other people, i know why it exists, but it sends my hackles up u feel).

and yet this fic still feels like, hot, in the fun sense.

there's enough fun whacko fantasy taboo elements in it that it doesn't feel .... oh no this ain't sexy this is Too Real, you feel, or too much like a trauma fic(tm)

there's the sexy yandere villain ossan (lol), corrin herself has one hell of a sex drive (and honestly that's yet another huge focus, that wish fufillment fantasy of this 'pure fragile princess chick that's fought over like a prize by everyone else' who gets to choose 'no i actually want the hot villain kthx'. she actually rants to him several times about being fought over and having everyone else from nohr/hoshido project all the shit on her.

(and him being all, I got you, I get it.)

he actually does!!!! that's the funniest darkest most ironic thing!! he's got that weird blend of being aware enough from a kink perspective and just 'went through enough shit' life perspective of why sometimes the most sacred, profound thing you can do for somebody is to break them when they ask for it. sometimes in the dark u just want the brain wires to go bzzt.

there is a weird as hell comraderie in the sense of facing very specific demons that only they have (which, again, hilariously, goes so well with the themes of revelation! invisible enemies/demons that only you two know about.)

and then i have like yet another essay in me about how literally every character i've RP'ed is a suspiciously similar to his whole... archetype.... like all of my RP partners have gravitated to playing the chicks in the het relationships and i've always RP'd the snarky older guy going through life snarking at shit and being a closet misanthrope (there's probably some presentation/gender-aligned stuff going there but this is already navel gazey as hell lol)

anyway

tl;dr i haz feelz

[izzyspussy]

Okay but what if he doesn’t think about it until high school when he met a girl with the same name as him and he realized that hey maybe that’s what was missing, maybe that’s the piece that had been rattling around in the dark of her mind.

IIRC, he said he got scouted at 14 and idk if they do co-ed football academy (this could be totally wrong tho, I have both a shit memory and approximately 0.5 knowledge about sports career tracks).

But this would be cute! He'd have a phase where he didn't know if he wanted to have her or be her, and probably they would date about it a little bit and then after they were done with that they'd beard for each other because she's a lesbian and he doesn't know what's going on with him yet but boy he sure does like looking at Roy Kent a lot, and then after they were done with that they'd date again for real because actually they are both girls who are gay for girls. Serendipity.

My personal headcanon, I think, is that he was genderqueer as a kid but in that kid way where adults are just like haha aren't kids silly they don't even know about gender.

And then he got scouted(?), and his dad started coming around, and on one hand he simply did not have time to think about it and on the other hand it would suddenly be scary anyway because of James. But tbh mostly the former.

So, to his perception, he just feels really fucking bad sometimes, for no discernible reason, and then he gets over it. Whatever, it's not interfering with his career so it doesn't matter. And like he'd just have every now and then on an off day or the off season or spending the night with a girlfriend where he'd kind of indulge in girlishness, like, for fun 'cause it feels good, but he doesn't really connect those because the girly fun is so lighthearted and, like, whatever. It's so simple and surface level and shit, there's no way it could have an effect on that terrible bad feeling.

And then eventually, he ends up on the team he wants to stay on for the bulk of his career now, and James goes away, and training is not exactly easier or less time consuming but it takes up a little less bandwidth metaphorically speaking because he's surrounded by friends all the time.

And sort of in between, the less and less James is around and the more and more comfortable he gets with the people he's around and who he is and what he's allowed to do, he does more and more girly things, still not drawing the connection, but because he can do whatever he wants now the bad feeling becomes less and less frequent because he can, like, subconsciously make himself feel better before it gets that bad now, with like easy shit like painting his nails or wearing a gayass little outfit or whatever.

Buuuut, because now he has more brainspace to think about things, and he's free to do so too, now when that bad feeling comes up he can't so much not think about it anymore...