#sorry this picture has been making me lose my shit today I had to I love redrawing stupid images

[cinnamnt]

date with kaz

[tpwk-formula1]

Kinktober Day 5 - Corruption - LH44

Lewis Hamilton X Reader

I am more than willing to write a part 2 to this one shot as there was no sex in this one. I felt to keep the realism of the story it didn't feel right for the character to lose her virginity the same night she had her first kiss.

TW - Virgin, smut, oral (male and female receiving), NO ACTUAL SEX

WC - 3100+

Y/N POV

August 2024

Walking through the paddock I can't help but speed my way toward the Mercedes Hospitality knowing as soon as I got in there, there would be no more eyes on me. I mean I know realistically no one gives a fuck who I am but with all the hustle and bustle around me I can't help but feel anxious.

Once I am in the comfort of a quiet room in the hospitality I pull out my laptop and get right to work knowing I didn't have much time before I would need to be in the garage to take pictures for the official Mercedes accounts.

Being one of the main photographers for Mercedes definitely has its perks but being as quiet as I am it has been hard making friends with people.

As I am editing a photo of Kimi and George for Instagram I hear a soft knock on the door.

"Um, come in?" I stutter a little making it sound more like a question than a statement. When the door opens slowly I see Lewis's head peek in to see who was occupying one of the only empty meeting rooms in the whole hospitality.

"Oh hi Y/N," I hear Lewis say softly before he comes into the room and closes the door.

"Hi, Lew. How are you doing today?" I ask softly while still looking at my computer too intimidated to make eye contact with Lewis.

"I'm good, just trying to get away from all of the noise," Lewis tells me making me finally look up and nod my head softly.

"I get that," I tell Lewis softly finally closing my laptop to give him my full attention.

"What are you working on today?" Lewis asks me showing a real interest in my work.

"I'm actually working on more promotional photos for Kimi and George for next season," I tell Lewis making him smile.

"I've been working for Mercedes for the past 3 years and I'm gonna be completely honest it feels strange editing photos for the team without you in them," I tell Lewis for whatever reason. This makes him chuckle a little.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you're doing what is best for your career," I double down in slight embarrassment hoping I didn't offend Lewis.

"I know what you mean. I don't think anyone even myself expected it," Lewis tells me in a reassuring voice to make sure I knew I didn't offend him in any way.

"I have a hard time grasping that you have worked for Mercedes for 3 years know and I feel like I barely know anything about you," Lewis tells me honestly making me smile a little.

"I don't think anyone really knows anything about me if I'm being completely honest," I tell him.

"Well tell me about yourself then," Lewis says with a smile on his face.

"Well, what do you want to know?" I ask back in a softer tone than I intended.

"Whatever you want," Lewis tells me leaving the ball in my court. I can feel my anxiety start to grow slightly from the pressure of having to tell him about myself.

"Well, I'm from Brisbane and grew up with 2 older brothers and a little sister. I always loved taking pictures when I was really little, so it makes sense that I went on to become a photographer. I moved out on my own only a year ago when my parents retired and decided to sell our house and travel the world forcing me to finally leave the nest. I always grew up really quiet which made it really hard to get through school but eventually I made a core group of friends. I'm so sorry I'm rambling," I finally realize I'm word-vomiting to Lewis.

"No I enjoy listening to you talk. Keep going if you'd like," Lewis tells me clearly interested in what I have to say.

"Well then, my dad was always into Formula 1 and even put my little brothers into karting but they both were shit and it was too expensive to get them the proper training and equipment to help them be good. I ended up being the only one into racing like him so we would go to the Australian Grand Prix together every year. That was when I knew I was gonna be a Formula 1 photographer someday. You were actually the first driver I ever met. I was like 13 and this awkward quiet kid and my dad had surprised me with paddock passes. You signed the hat I was wearing and just all around really sweet. You ended up winning that year and I was so excited," I tell him some more looking up to realize Lewis is smiling and clearly listening to every word I was saying.

"Oh wow, I knew you were young I didn't realize how young you were. I'm assuming that was 2015?" Lewis's comments make me nod and laugh a little.

"Ya I turned 22 back a few months ago," I comment softly which has him nodding his head.

"Tell me more, I haven't heard you talk this much and if I'm being honest I love your voice," Lewis tells me making my cheeks grow red in a blush. I don't know the last time someone had complimented me.

"Well, when I went to Uni everyone tried to convince me to pick a more reliable career, but I knew what I wanted. As soon as I graduated I started applying to every position in photography F1 could offer and basically, now I'm here. Uh, I've never had my first kiss, matter a fact I've never even had a boy frie-," I finally cut myself off realizing I was starting to anxiously ramble about the most embarrassing aspect of my life.

When I look up at Lewis in sheer embarrassment I notice a look in his eyes that I had never seen before. It wasn't a bad thing but it made my body heat up in a way I had never felt before.

PRESENT TIME

"Y/n can I kiss you," Lewis asks softly. We are standing in my small apartment after another one of the many dates we have been going since the day in the meeting room. After I embarrassingly spilled my guts about never being in a relationship Lewis matched my energy by admitting he had been in a relationship since the one he got out of in 2015.

A few weeks after that conversation and many more after he finally asked me out on a date. I was worried given our drastic age difference however over time I realized it wasn't a problem if we didn't make it one.

"Yes," I finally whisper out before feeling Lewis's lips graze mine softly. When he finally places his lips on mine and starts to kiss me I instantly start kissing back, not entirely confident in my ability but I knew that whatever I was doing felt good. I could feel the start of a heat rising in me, one I only felt when I was with Lewis but this time it was stronger that I had ever felt before.

This being my first kiss I lose my breath fairly quickly so I'm pulling back gasping in softly. When I make eye contact with Lewis I notice the look he gave me back in the office.

"Was I okay?" I ask nervously not entirely confident in my previous actions.

"Baby, it was perfect. But just to be sure should we try again?" Lewis asks softly making me laugh a little at how cheesy he was being. Instead of using my words I pull Lewis closer by his neck and crashing my lips against his.

This time when I part my lips slightly I feel Lewis slip his tongue into my mouth making me instantly gasp at the feeling before following suit and allowing my tongue to tangle with his. In the midst of out make out session I feel Lewis pick me up and placing my thighs on either side of his waist and moving us towards my room.

When we get into my room he softly lays me on my mattress.

"Is this all you want tonight?" Lewis asks me before he moves any further.

"No, Lew I need something," I tell him softly.

"Pretty girl, what do you need?" Lewis asks me back while looking into my eyes.

"I don't know how to explain it. I've never felt like this before," I tell him honestly. While I was completely innocent and had never even masturbated I can only assume this is what it feels like to be turned on but I'm far too embarrassed to admit it.

"I think you do know what you need," Lewis tells me urging me to be honest with him. I close my eyes refusing to look at him before I say, "I need you to touch me."

"Are you sure?" Lewis asks softly which has me opening my eyes and making eye contact with him.

"If you're sure," I tell him not wanting him to feel the need to do something just becaus I wanted something.

"No, this is about you. Are you ready?" Lewis says repeating himself but using a more stern voice and vocab.

"Yes," I tell him firmly when I get a sudden rush of confidence. I instantly feel Lewis's hands graze my sides slowly pulling my top up exposing the lacey white bra I had worn today. I lift my body slightly to allow Lewis to pull my shirt completely off. Once it is completely off Lewis immediately brings his hands down to my tits to grip them through my bra.

"Fuck Lew," I moan out the second I feel Lewis's hands.

Lewis starts kissing down my neck making his way to my covered tits but they didn't stay covered for long because Lewis was helping me sit up slightly to unclip and pull off my bra. Once I'm free from my bra Lewis brings his lips back down to mine where he slowly lays me back down where he starts his trail of kisses again.

When he reaches my tits he almost instantly takes one of my nipples into his mouth while playing with the other.

"Lewis," I whine out dragging his name slightly from the pleasure. I feel Lewis slightly smile against me before moving to the other tit to suck my other nipple into his warm mouth.

While he is still pleasuring my tits I feel him move his hands down to the jeans I was wearing where I could feel Lewis starting to unbutton them before slowly pulling them down with my already soaked panties. Once my jeans are fully off Lewis slowly trails his kisses from my tits down my stomach.

"Lewis, hurry up," I tell him while getting impatient with him.

"patience, pretty girl," Lewis tells me still not going where I want him the most.

I start to feel Lewis, ghost kisses all over my thighs making me gasps out in shock.

"Please," I whine out to Lewis growing more impatient by the second.

Lewis finally brought his mouth to my pussy taking a long strip from my virgin hole to my aching clit.

"Fuck, Lew," I gasp out the second his tongue grazes my clit.

While Lewis was keeping a steady pace he was eating me out like it was the last meal he was ever going to eat.

"I think- fuck Lewis, something's happening," I stutter out when I feel an overwhelming pleasure I had never once felt before. My words only spurred Lewis's movements to pick up pace bringing me closer to the edge.

"Oh, fuck, fuck," I moan out the second my body was thrown over the edge for the first time ever. Lewis continued to eat me out to help me ride out my orgasm that felt like it was going to last forever.

When I finally come down from the intensity of my orgasm, my legs still shaking from the intense pleasure Lewis lays down next to me pulling me into in chest.

"Thank you," I whisper out to Lewis not really sure how to have pillow talk. Lewis just chuckles a little before placing a kiss on my forehead.

When I shift around a little I feel something poking my side. When I reached down to see what it was it had Lewis gasping at the touch. When it finally registered in my brain what I was touching I make eye contact with Lewis while still rubbing him threw his jeans.

"Y/N if you keep doing that I'll cum in my pants," Lewis gasps out through a light laugh.

"Then take your pants off," I finally gather enough courage to take the lead knowing if I did something wrong Lewis wouldn't judge me.

"This was about you tonight," Lewis tells me while his breathing began to grow labored signifying he was growing closer to cumming. When I realize he wasn't going to help me help him out I sit up all the way before climbing on top of Lewis and sitting on his legs so I can still unbotton his pants and pull his hard cock out of the jeans that had grown to be comfortably tight. at some point in the night Lewis had lost his shirt, making it easy to place soft kisses all over his chest.

Once I finally get Lewis's hard cock out of his jeans I look up to Lewis and ask, "I wanna make you feel good, please."

"Fuck, whatever your comfortable with, pretty girl," Lewis finally says giving me full permission to explore his cock and body.

I take my time exploring Lewis's body with my mouth. Spotting tattoos I had never seen before, which I softly traced with my finger before making my way down to his cock which was starting to leak precum with how hard he was.

I slowly start jerking his cock off while holding eye contact with Lewis. I can see how Lewis's breathing was starting to pick up again before his eyes rolled back signifying he was experiencing pure pleasure. When I realize his eyes were going to stay closed I decided to shock the both of us by leaning down and pulling the tip of his cock into my mouth.

The second my tongue started teasing his tip Lewis's eyes flew open realizing it was no longer my hands that were touching him.

"Y/N what are you doing," Lewis gasps out when I start slowly taking him further in my mouth trying to test the waters. Instead of answering him, I start bobbing my head trying to bring him more pleasure.

"Fuck, so good baby," Lewis moans out which only encourages me to go faster, which resulted in me going a bit too fast and hitting my gag reflex making me gag quite hard around Lewis's cock which instantly had Lewis gathering my hair in his hands and pulling me off.

"You've got to take it a little slower, pretty girl. This isn't some kind of race," Lewis tells me while I'm still gasping lightly for some air while allowing a couple tears to fall.

"I wanna make you feel good, besides, I kinda liked it," I admit making my cheeks heat up. I can't believe I just admitted to enjoying it when choked myself on Lewis's cock.

"You liked it huh?" Lewis teased me slightly making my cheeks grow more red.

Instead of answering him I went back to work with my mouth this time being a little less cautious with my movements which resulted in me occasionally gagging around his cock.

"Who knew my pretty girl was such a dirty slut," Lewis moaned out making me moan out around his cock from the degrading word.

"You like being called a slut don't you?" Lewis questioned which had me nodding my head the best I could with my mouth still full of his cock.

It doesn't take long before Lewis is grasping my hair to try and pull me off his cock.

"Baby, if you keep doing that I'm gonna cum in your mouth," Lewis gasped out while still trying to pull me off but instead of pulling back I pushed my head down as far as I could making me gag and choke a bit around his cock. This sent Lewis over the edge making him cum straight down my throat. He's still cumming when I pull back slightly to bob my head a little to help him ride his orgasm out the same way he had done to me.

When Lewis was done cumming I pulled off his cock with some of his cum still in my mouth.

"You can spit it baby," Lewis tells me softly but instead of listening I swallowed down every last drop and even licked the little bead of cum that was still left on the tip of his dick.

"What the fuck," Lewis gasps at how the girl who never even kissed a boy an hour ago was now licking his cock clean.

"Was I okay Lew?" I finally ask once we are cuddled up comfortably.

"Are you sure that was your first time?" Lewis joked clearly having enjoyed himself.

"Ya, I liked it though. I wanna do it again and again. I liked when yo called me the dirty name too," I tell him too embarrassed to say it myself.

"I don't remember what I said," Lewis says clearly wanting the dirty words to slip past my lips.

"I- uh, well you called me a slut," I whisper out which makes me realize how insane I was for enjoying such a term.

"Ya? Do you wanna be my little slut pretty girl?" Lewis asked softly making my thighs clench together. I just nod my head too embarrassed to say it again.

"No, I want words. Who are you?" Lewis said a bit sterner than he had ever talked to me before.

"I'm your dirty slut, Lew," I tell him while making direct eye contact with him. While I was embarrassed to say it out loud I couldn't help but bask in the pleasure it was to say that. I enjoyed being a little slut for Lewis and while I was still a virgin I couldn't help but be excited to explore everything more with Lewis.

"Get some rest pretty girl with a mouth and pussy as good as yours I will be going in for seconds before the clock strikes midnight," Lewis tells me making me cuddle further into his side and falling into a light sleep. Lewis kept his promise, by morning time he had managed to make me cum a dozen more times with just his mouth and fingers.

[boiohboii]

Protective girl (Charles Leclerc x reader)

Inspires by @charles-eclair16 's fic

When fans go too far, yn wants to protect the one treasure in her life

or

in which we finally get to see the roles reversed

N.B: this is been in my drafts for so long, omg! Let me know what you guys think!! WARNING: not proof read, some swear words, might have messed up a date, don't focus on any dates mentioned, this is all fictional anyways. Hope you guys like it

masterlist

Liked by Arthur_leclerc, carlossainz55, pierregasly and 1,379,064 others

itsmeyn: charles always goes above and beyond for every single fan of his, he tries to take as many pictures and sign as many autographs as possible, but what happened last night was a fucking joke. He doesn't like what I'm writing cause he says that it was just a mistake and that it was fine, but it really isn't, it's so disrespectful and disgusting! He always wants to meet his fans and make them happy only to receive this insanity, him falling AND HURTING HIMSELF because some of you can't fucking wait and be organized like a human being! Charles isn't an animal in a zoo where you race to pet him! He is a human being, he is a son, a brother and a boyfriend! This wasn't just an accident, i have seen these 6 girls multiple times in multiple places! it's so obsessive and so so sick of you to follow him everywhere.... Charles won't speak up because he is Charles and he lives seeing the good in people, but I will tear everything and everyone for his safety, so for you 6 girls you will be hearing from court soon so better prepare a good lawyer you assholes!

Comments on this post have been disabled.

Liked by leclercboy, ynistheitgurl, fuckferarri and 91,739 others

F1_updates_live: Charles Leclerc's girlfriend, YN LN, seen today arriving in front of the UK's courthouse in a red SF9 Ferarri. It had been quite a week for YN as she was seen hitting a fan after the said fan pushed Charles. YN took this fan and 5 others to court, no one knows on what bases but what has come out is that she has won the case which means that Charles and YN have restraining orders against the group.

username: OHH HEEEELLL YEAAAAAHH

username: yn doing God's work

username: yn serving justice

username: that's what we needed

username: hot girl shit

username: the car and suit combo is so fucking hot of her

username: I think this is too much, like these girls just wanted to see Charles

username: @.itsmeyn can we make them 7?

username: another one

Liked by Charles_leclerc, danielricciardo, pierregasly and 617,829 others

itsmeyn: don't blame me, love made me crazy

username: YN IS A FELLOW SWIFTIE?!?!?

username: if I had a nickel for everytime yn and I had something in common I'd have 2 nickels, which is not a lot but it's weird that it's happened twice

username: now I just want her to watch all the charles edits done with a taylor song

itsmeyn: who says i already don't 🌚

username: and I oop-

username: THIS IS THE SWEETEST AND CRINGIEST SHIT EVER!

Liked by wolfffam, maxverstappen1, lance_stroll and 817,629 others

itsmeyn: congratulations to my baby, the love of my life, you deserve it and so much more ♥️♥️

username: FINALLY!!

username: idk how to react, ferarri has let us down too many times that all I know is lose

username: I don't see how he deserves it tbh, all of his results are shit for quite a while , he's only where he is cause he's driving a ferarri 🤷‍♂️

itsmeyn: oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were the one in a formula one car, in a ferarri, that by the words of many professionals is at its worse era. I don't care about you and your opinion but don't state it as a fact, no one can do better with these strategies. I hate to keep saying this but when your own fucking team doesn't have the same dream as you it turns to shit. Even if charles is the only one in the car, it's still a team sport, not a one man sport. Fuck you and your tiny ass brain that can never survive one lap in a formula one car, it'll probably explode cause of all the bullshit in it before the first lap anyway. So next time you wanna talk shit maybe try to do fifth of who you're criticising is doing, I bet that'll shut you up real quick you dimwit.

Liked by leclercpascale, pilotesofmonaco, tswiftyn, and 52,719 others

F1_updates_live: YN LN, Charles' long time girlfriend, seen today fighting Xavi in Bahrain due to his mistake on the radio which resulted in Charles losing his podium position.

username: good for her

username: charles is so lucky

username: I love how she always stands up for him

username: honestly, whenever charles or carlos ignore the strategies they win... I really wanna see more of that.

username: this is just Monaco 2024 GP all over again, yn was so fucking furious (rightfully so) cause Xavi's mistake costed charles a p1 in his home race.

username: this shit was so heartbreaking man

username: I think this was the first time we ever saw yn angry at sabotaging charles, like the most we saw was her holding his hand when crossing the street, making sure he eats first, playing with his hair when nervous, but I've never seen yn make someone literally cry until 2024 with Xavi being her victim

username: pffft, victim, he 100% deserved it

username: oh yeah, definitely. All my homes hate Xavi, like can you not say the strategy properly 😒

[mlm-writer]

Daddy/Dearest (Wade Wilson x M!Reader)

Pairing: Wade Wilson/Deadpool x Alien!Cis!M!Reader  Rating: Mature (lowest I can go with a Deadpool fic) Words: 1048 POV: Third Summary: You matched with Deadpool on the intergalactic dating app Starcrossed. After exchanging many dick pics, you decided to visit Earth for your first date... and blow the planet up if the date sucked. Note: Inspired by the song Party Tonight by Joe Hedourix and this prompt. Tags: first date, fluff, idk who Nick Fury really is tbh, 4th wall breaks, romcom and reader’s appearance is a little vague but at some point I started imagining Megamind

“Deadpool! Open up!” Wade groaned at the insistent knocking on his door. He tried to rub his eyes, only to find out that he was still wearing his mask. A quick look down revealed he had fallen asleep on the couch in his PJs. The knocking at his door stopped, so he rested his body on the couch. He had barely closed his eyes, when the door was knocked down. 

He raised his head with a groan, only to be incredibly surprised by his guest. “Wow, Nick Fury, I am not sure if I am even supposed to know who you are, because the writer has seen exactly one movie in which you had a cat, but he supposes you’re an important dude or whatever.” 

“Shut it, motherfucker,” the man wearing a black trenchcoat barked back at Wade. He clearly took note of the dirty white shirt with a butt on it and the blue chequered underwear Wade was wearing, but he did not comment on it. “Do you know the app Starcrossed?” 

Wade laughed, not reading the room that had been filled with armoured men and women because we are inclusive here and women can and will kick your ass if provoked. 

“That app with all the metas on it? Why? Did we match? I’m sorry if I did not reply, but you’re not really my type and you must have been an accidental swipe.” 

“Stop yapping! Does this guy look familiar to you?” From his pocket he unfolded a picture printed on an A4 paper. Wade leaned in and squinted at the picture. He did recognise the person on it. 

“Oh yes that’s my daddy - not my father - but like a sexual daddy you know. You should see his dick.” Nick looked like he was gonna lose it. Wade could tell, but he frankly did not give a shit. 

“Well, your ‘daddy’ is the leader of an alien race, whose armada is in orbit right now to drop him off for a ‘date’ with you. So get dressed, because whether we get blown up or not today is apparently up to you.” That was a lot to take in, but Wade was used to weird days and this was simply just another one of them. 

Now it was common to be nervous for a first date, but the fully armed SWAT team dropping Wade off was not helping. He tried making conversation with them, but they seemed to blame him for possible annihilation before dinner time. 

When he stepped out of the chopper, there was a masculine figure waiting in front of the former military base. He held a large bouquet of iridescent flowers. They seemed either fake or from an alien planet. “Wadey!” The figure called out, waving frantically with all hands that were not holding the bouquet. The inhuman coloured skin seemed to change colour wherever the late morning sun was directly shining on it. 

“Hi daddy,” Wade called back in the same cooing tone. He skipped over to his date. “Are those for me?” He mused, knowing the answer as his date handed them to him. 

“I heard flowers are quite common to bring to a Terran date, so I brought some rare flowers from my planet for you. I am afraid they will not survive as long as they would on my planet though. The sun here is weak.” Wade smelled the flowers. They smelled like butt. Could be worse. At least Wade was familiar with the smell of butt. Wade held the flowers close as he thanked the other for them. “Well then, shall we? Your government was so kind to help me set up an Earth-date.” 

The atmosphere was… weird. There was a very extensive brunch on a beautifully decorated table, but they were surrounded by people keeping them at gunpoint. “You don’t seem bothered by being held at gunpoint,” Wade noted as he rolled up his mask just far enough to shove a croissant into his mouth. 

“Likewise,” his date smirked back at him. He reached out and touched the edges of the mask. “Come on, I already know your dick and ass are covered in scars. Your face cannot possibly scare me.” Wade thought about it. Well, his identity was not really a secret right now anyway. They already knew where he lived. Wade lifted his mask off his face, trying to not show how insecure he was about his fucked up face. However, when he looked at the alien before him, he swore he could see a hunger in his eyes. “If these people were not around, I would fuck your face right now,” the man sighed dreamily, before continuing to clumsily trying to spread butter on a piece of toast. 

Wade reached out and decided to help him. Their fingers briefly touched and Wade saw the other man smile at the contact. It set his body on fire with desire. “I frankly don’t care about the audience, but after writing all those kinktober fics the writer can really use a break from blowjob scenes, so let’s keep this from being E-rated.”

Wade sat back down after buttering his date’s toast. He watched as the alien’s facial features reacted to the taste of Earth food. “Fascinating,” he spoke softly. Wade chatted with his date and those mesmerising eyes and charming smile kept drawing him in. At some point he was sure even Nick Fury could smell his arousal from wherever he was keeping an eye on the situation. There was no more food left, when his date rose from his seat and offered one of his hands. “Let’s get out of here.” 

Wade grabbed his mask and put it back on. “We’ll have to fight our way out of here if we want to do that.” A corona of blue light started surrounding the alien, a devilish smile appearing on his face. The sudden display of power got people loading their guns and Wade’s gun filling up with blood really quickly. 

“Do not worry, dearest, that can be arranged,” the most powerful being that had ever held him spoke, before he blasted a hole in the line of armed people, lighting the way to their future in a flurry of blue. “Let’s have a good time, dearest.”

[bxeckersz]

Let You Go | Caitlin Clark x Ex gf!reader

Summary: Y/n just can’t seem to let Caitlin go.

Warnings: language

A/n: hey guys, i’m locking in and posting all my drafts today 💪🏽.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

I don’t understand. You said you’d never leave. You told me that you’d be there but you lied again to me.

It’s been 2 months since me and Caitlin broke up. Our relationship spiraled to shit after 3 years. I pick up my phone, scrolling through the photo album of her titled “Cait 💍🤍”

“I can’t do this anymore Y/n.” Caitlin yells, pinching the bridge of her nose. “What- What do you mean.” My heart drops to my stomach.

“This. Us! I can’t do this anymore. All we do is argue!” She screams, motioning between us. “Cait- please don’t say that. I- We could talk this out. Please.” I plead, grabbing a hold of her arm. Caitlin shakes her head, moving her arm.

“Cait-“ I say, tears falling. “I- i’m sorry. Please.” I beg, watching as she packs her bag. “I’m done, y/n. this shit is miserable.” She mutters, walking towards the door.

“Caitlin, please don’t walk away from me.” I cry. “I’m sorry, Y/n.” Is all she mutters before walking out and slamming the door. I notice she takes the ring and necklace off that i bought her.

All I can do is cry.

You’re always on my mind, and when it’s late at night I think of what you’re doing. Do you think of me sometimes?

Tears fall from my face as I scroll through the photo album that seems endless. I wipe my tears with the sleeve of her hoodie that i’m wearing.

I throw my phone down, sobbing louder and harder. I pull out a box from underneath my bed. It’s not just any box. It’s a box full of things that Caitlin has bought me.

I cry pulling out the items.

And when i’m feeling down, I lose all control. Emotions keep coming and i’m trying to let you go.

A teddy bear she won me at our first date to the fair.

So if you wanna talk to me again

Endless polaroid pictures of the two of us.

Don’t try to act like we were always friends

A candle she bought me because it reminded her of me.

When i’m all alone, I try to clear my mind

A charm bracelet she bought me for our one year anniversary.

But you’ll be coming back and you’ll be saying that all night

A bracelet she bought me with a ‘C’ and a basketball bead on it.

I never did you wrong. I’ve always had your side.

A matching necklace she bought me.

And you just took it all away, and make me wanna cry

A hoodie she bought me simply because it was my favorite color

And when i’m feeling down, I lose all control.

Everything in this apartment reminds me of her. I can still smell her in the air. Everyday I wait for her to arrive home from Practice.

Emotions keep coming and i’m trying to let you go

Everyday I wait for her to get home and ramble about her day.

So if you wanna talk to me again

She was my first love. and she threw it down the drain like i was nothing.

Don’t try to act like we were always friends

Sometimes I find myself doing our morning and night routine. Preparing things for her like I have the past three years.

And when i’m feeling down, I lose all control.

I even find myself buying her favorite foods and snacks when I go grocery shopping.

Emotions keep coming and i’m trying to let you go

I can’t get her off my mind. I can’t let her go. Her laugh. Her corny jokes. Her cheesy smile. The way she used to wrap her arms around me. Her touch. Her voice.

And when i’m feeling down, I lose all control.

I miss her so much. I spent three years of my life loving the same person. Catering for the same person. Just for her to turn away and throw it all away like I don’t matter.

Emotions keep coming and i’m trying to let you go.

I find myself Calling for her to open things for me. Or grab things off the top shelf. Or help me pick something you wear.

It hurts to remember she’s not with me to help anymore.

And when i’m feeling down I lose all control

I cry pulling all of the things out the box. I’ve never been this heart broken over someone. Never.

Emotions keep coming

“Please, come home.” I cry, hugging onto the stuffed teddy bear she bought me.

“please.”

And i’m trying to let you go.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Thanks for reading all the way through!

[darlingmbappe]

Revenge Gift | Kylian Mbappé x Fem Reader

— Click here for part 2! —

Summary: When Kylian leaves you high and dry, you decide on a leaving him a little revenge gift.

Warnings: Making out, sexy pictures, teasing, cussing, English is not my first language

Kylian was so happy to see you when you came over today. His face lit up the second he saw you, pulling you in for a long and deep kiss. You both had the afternoon off — a rare occurrence for your never ending clashing schedules — and these past couple of weeks have been especially busy. Working on a project in its preproduction stage comes a lot of late nights and even later mornings. Kylian turns in early and is up at the ass crack of dawn.

Besides the cheeky texts you’ve been sending back and forth, you two hadn’t had a chance to be intimate in a while. Quality time has been at an all time low, probably three weeks had passed since you’ve touched each other in that way. So, imagine how eager you two were when you quickly made it up to his bedroom.

“I fucking miss you,” he breathes between kisses on your exposed neck. You hum in response, too lost in feeling his bare chest against your skin to properly tell him you fucking miss him too. “You drive me crazy when you send me those sexy pictures.” Your hips grind against him while you sat on his lap, earning huffs and low moans from your boyfriend.

He played with the straps of your bra before losing them, following with a trail of kisses on your shoulder.

You huff out a laugh. “How do you think I feel when you send me thirst traps from the locker room, huh?”

Any other time he would deny that they were thirst traps and that you were just thirsty for him, but he only has one thing in mind right now. He reaches behind your back and begins playing with the clasp of your bra, a part he (shamefully) always struggles with. “Why don’t they use Velcro for these things?” He grumbled.

You giggle at him, reaching back to do it yourself. He sits back on the bed and prepares himself to just watch you, his eyes dark with lust and need. Just before you were able to unhook it, his phone starts ringing.

“Shit, sorry.” He reached for it on the nightstand. “Thought I turned that off.” Kylian looks at the caller ID and winces, looking up at you with I’m sorry eyes.

You shrug and drop your arms from your back, disappointed but understanding. “Go ahead, take it.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeats before sliding the answer button, immediately sounding annoyed with the caller. You crawl off his lap and make yourself comfortable on the open side of the bed, waiting for him to do something about the throbbing in your core. “What? Today?” He exclaims, jumping out of the bed and begins looking for his something to put on. “I thought it was next week, why didn’t you text me?” He pulls the phone down from his mouth and mouths another ‘I’m sorry’ before putting his clothes back on.

He ends the call with frustration, turning to you with the face of the guiltiest man alive. You roll your eyes and huff, but ultimately realize that this is something he has to do, or else he sure as hell wouldn’t be leaving you alone in his bed right before you were about to get naked. “Go.” You force a little grin out for both your sakes.

“You know I wouldn’t leave if I didn’t have to—”

“I know, Ky. It’s okay, go.” You’re used to forcing the good sport attitude. It was a package deal while dating someone like Kylian.

“Please be here when I come back.” He begs, putting a baseball cap on and a T-shirt.

You stand up, trudging over to him and wrapping a loose hug around his waist. “If you’re back before six…”

He hugs you back, kissing you sweetly. “I’ll try my best, amour.”

You kiss him quickly before shoving him toward the door, his gaze lingered on your bare body for a long second, tutting and cursing under his breath, then forcing himself out of the house.

Once he left, you put on some comfy clothes, made some tea, and began watching a movie in his living room. It wasn’t even two hours later when you phone binged — a message from Kylian.

Kyks <3: what’s the latest you can stay over?

You immediately respond back

You: No later than 6:15

You watched the three bubbles appear before his response.

Kyks <3: fuuuuuuuucccckkk :,(

You frown, realizing that your day with Kylian wasn’t happening.

Kyks <3: I’m sorry amour, I’ll make it up to you. I promise.

Kyks <3: I love you

You: I know you will

You: and I love you too

With a long huff, you stand up and decide to just grab your things and go to your place before you had to head out to work, maybe change into a less itchy bra.

As you walked around kylians room to double check that you grabbed everything, a small black and white object on his dresser caught your eye — his Polaroid camera.

Interesting.

He was obsessed with it for a couple weeks before completly forgetting about it, leaving it to collect dust in his room. Picking it up, you saw he had three photos left in it, and you had a plan brewing. A small form of payback, if you will.

Shuffling back out of your clothes, you propped yourself on his bed, the camera lying next to you. Kylian had yet to see this set in full, so you might as well let him know what he walked out on.

With a quick reposition, you laid down on his silk pillows, squeezed your boobs together to create more cleavage, putting your hand lazily near your mouth.

Snap!

Next, you sat up on your knees, opening your thighs slightly to give him a better view of the black lace that was sewn on mesh at the middle, angling the lens downward at your body.

Snap!

With only one more left in the roll, you decide to show him a little more skin. Taking off your bra, you toss it aside, covering your nipples with your arm. Once you figure out the pose, you snap the last picture.

You put the developing pictures next to each other and shuffle back into your sweatpants and tank top.

Damn, you thought when they were funny developed. You looked so hot. You displayed them nearly on top of his pillow. Now that your satisfied with your teasing revenge, you gather your things and head home.

Around 8:30, the writers room was very unproductive. Everyone had all hit a wall and was out of ideas for the time being. Bouncing off one another felt pointless and everyone was a little frustrated. Usually while at work, your phone was on focus mode so you didn’t get off track, but you had resorted to playing a racing game while hoping inspiration for the script would drop from the sky. Just when you were about to beat your high score, you got a buzz in your phone with a message from your boyfriend. Then another. And another…

Kyks <3: you cannot do this to me right now baby

Kyks <3: you’re evil

Kyks <3: fuuuuccckk bebe I need you to come over right now

Kyks <3: I’m serious. U fucking tease

You bit back a laugh, wishing you could see his reaction in person.

You: I take it you like the pictures?

Kyks <3: I will pay you double whatever you make today if you leave work right now

This time you giggle out loud, catching the attention of your co-writers.

“Sorry,” you said through blushing cheeks. As you were about to put your phone down, you got another buzz. Though you thought about ignoring it, you decided to take a quick peek.

Holy shit.

Your extremely sexy boyfriend had taken a photo for you and you had to physically stop yourself from drooling, your face flushing with color as you took in the picture on your screen. The phone was now held close to your chest just in case anyone was peaking over your shoulder and saw the filthy shot.

His abs we’re on full display — he snapped the shot from his perspective as he laid down in his bed, a white towel hung low on his hips. Your Polaroids were splayed out across his covered leg and his hand covered his groin, large fingers wrapped around his covered member, showing off his perfect outline.

Kyks <3: I’m I gonna have to take care of myself? :(

Without thinking, you wrote back.

You: don’t you dare.

“You guys don’t need me tonight, right?” Your voice cracked. None of your coworkers said anything, just looked at you with a face that screamed ‘seriously?’ “Pleeease, you guys? I swear I’ll come in on Monday with donuts from Azúcar.”

That promise was enough for them to be okay with you leaving early. You texted Kylian back as soon as you gathered your things.

You: be there in 20

He took no time replying.

Kyks <3: counting down the seconds

—Requests are open for Kylian Mbappé!—

[puffyducks]

DCRC Week #16

Wiggity what's up my fellow book clubbers, today we're taking a look at the ethics of treating artificially made intelligent lifeforms as second class citizens and what the qualifying factors are to determine a being as truly "sentient" and deserving of basic social rights. And by that I mean we're reading PKNA #12: Second Draft which is a comic where nothing bad happens!

This post is LOOONG btw.

okay we're just gonna start off our comic as normal and-

WOAH who's this handsome young devil in his little fancy suit??? What's that? Head of Ducklair Industries?..... yeah sure that makes sense I think.

Everett Ducklair 🤢🤢🤢 get a job stay away from him. Also this is a really nice way of saying you had to stop him from being overtaken by insane homicidal tendencies and putting guns in all his inventions btw

Haha woah what was that. Did the fabric of reality just tear for a second there or did my ADHD meds just kick in. Probably just me.

MASTER Donald???..... I don't even think I can write out the jokes I wanna make here they're too inappropriate for this blog sorry. But also what the fuck.

Uno stop mothering maybe I WANT to get frostbite and lose all my fingers

Not to take a sudden side tangent here but is this supposed to be like, a good thing? Don't the other seasons exist for a reason? I always thought fall and winter were meant to be like a cleansing period, they bring balance to the two other hotter seasons. If it's eternally spring, do some plants just never die? Are animals ALWAYS in the breeding season? Today we're going to overanalyze this one concept in an essay where-

OH MY GOD IT'S ODIN wait nevermind hiii Odin hiiiii. what's lookin good cookin. I mean- shit. fuck. shit.

I'm kind of obsessed with the way Odin is drawn in this comic. His whole body is all wiggly like a bendy straw. His stances go crazy.

gayass

Guys ever since I made that post about Odin's outfits and noticed that he's barefoot here it's been haunting me. Like it might just be a coloring error in this panel but also... why'd he take his shoes off. Also sorry for immediately revealing that it's Odin but um uhh I totally don't know who the OTHER cloaked figure is.

girlll you're giving away the game SHUT YOUR MOUTH

TWO Lylas?!?!?!

I'm loving Donald's shock lmao bro is fucking flabberghasted

This picture is so fucking silly bro. Nooo you can't put Odin in jail, he has such a nice suit on :(

Donald getting offended on Uno's behalf, not knowing that Uno is literally sitting right behind him. SURELY he'll figure it out eventually right.

Omg guys it's Geena!!! Remember Geena? From Portrait of the Young Hero? Anyways she has a gun now

Way to go Donald, you showed her basic empathy for like 2 panels and it gave her an actual sense of self value and NOW she thinks she deserves rights 🙄 she's gonna Detroit Become Human up in this bitch

beaming you with my evil lasers. what if he just fucking fried her brains here I think it would've been funny

Oh that's. probably bad.

ohhhh noooo.....

OOOOHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ok so bad news, Geena fucking exploded and her droid rebellion is presumably over. The GOOD news though is that droids are destined to get their rights anyways, just in a less violent manor than in the timeline Geena had started. So... I guess that's a win?

Disappears in a cloud of beautiful sunset smoke... Goodbye Odin 👋

Donald. Please. DONALD.

Okay so there's a LOT to say about this comic (so much that I kept hitting the image limit and having to make edits to my post to make it more concise) but if I could summarize it into one word: damn. Like I'm just kinda sad now.

The whole concept of "do robots deserve to be treated like human beings" is a common argument to explore, we've seen it in all kinds of media before. The ethics that get touched on in this comic are nothing new, but I can't help but find this comic incredibly interesting to read in the year 2024. Maybe in 1997 the idea of robots integrating into our society seemed like a far-off concept, but in present day the ever-growing integration of AI technology really makes this chapter feel a little more close to home.

I mean, it's easy to be like "yeah, well of course the droids deserve to be treated like people." I mean, Lyla and Odin are droids, and we like Lyla and Odin! Odin is literally so lifelike that people don't even KNOW he's a droid. But I can't help but think about how this all ties back to the current ongoing debates surrounding the usage of AI, and specifically AI-made content. Obviously the AI we currently have is nowhere near the level of the characters in this series (chatGPT fucking WISHES it was Uno) but there's really interesting debates to be made here.

What qualifying factors determine whether or not a living being is deserving of the same rights we humans give to ourselves? Is it being biological? I mean, there are literally millions of types of animals on our planet, but we don't even treat them with the same level of respect we give to ourselves. So, is it intelligence? If we were to create a computer with the intelligence level of a living, breathing human person, would they be entitled to basic "human" rights? HELL IF I KNOW.

I love the way this comic handles exploring this topic. Geena isn't WRONG for wanting more, she's wrong in the way she went about it. Going as far as to literally alter the course of spacetime only further complicated things, for her AND for the other droids. Had Geena instead devoted her energy into droid advocacy in the modern day, things may have gone differently. This story isn't the end of droids getting rights, but it is unfortunately the end of Geena.

We ended on a happy note, but overall this story is a pretty melancholic one. Especially that whole "only machines can be rebuilt" like DAMN.

Anyways that's enough media analysis for today, time to take off my smart thinking hat and go back to being generally kinda stupid. I'm not gonna add anything about Angus Tales here at the end because I already hit the image limit lol. Umm shoutout to Angus Fangus for having like 110 parking tickets. Idiot.

[mackenzielovee]

parenthood part twenty two: subservient

a/n: it's been far too long, but here's part 22! i hope you guys enjoy.

warnings: swearing, verbal arguments, crying, alcohol abuse

ambivalence masterlist , parenthood masterlist

     “I just don’t know if it’s a good idea to come over today.”

You frown as you press the phone to your ear, more interested in what Maddie’s not saying. 

For a week now, she’s been canceling plans and keeping more to herself, and with Julian, you’ve given her the benefit of the doubt because she’s adjusting to life with two babies, now. However, talking to her on the phone, you can tell there’s more to the story than just the stress of their new addition, you just don’t know how to pry it out of her. 

You bite your lip, “Mad, I’m happy to be in charge of Julian for the day. That would give you a break to just relax.”

She snorts, “No, that would just mean I’m corralling Noah while Kelce throws beers back with Rafe. God, how do you do this by yourself?”

Her statement and her question throw you off, and instead of having a prepared answer of any kind, you stumble. 

“Um, well, I—”

“Sorry,” she blurts, “I shouldn’t have said that.”

You reposition yourself on the couch as you listen to Rafe in the playroom with the kids, keeping them both in and engaged so you could take the phone call. You want to tell her that you don’t ever do it alone, that Rafe is a great partner, but you have the feeling that none of this is about that. 

“It’s fine, you don’t have to apologize to me. Are you and Kelce okay, though?”

You ask your question hesitantly, and when she sighs into the phone, you know you’ve hit the nail on the head. 

“No,” she says simply, following it with, “He’s just— Noah, get that out of your mouth— sorry, he’s just in this phase where he’s acting like a frat boy again. I mean, I don’t get it. He’s the one who wanted another baby, and now, he’s talking about going out and getting plastered and saying that he wants to try that new bar on the mainland, and I’m like, when do you think we have time to do that with a three year-old and a newborn?”

You nod, even though she can’t see you, “Do you think it’s just an adjustment thing?”

“I don’t know, but I’m over it. I can count on one hand the number of diapers he’s changed since we brought Julian home from the hospital. He’s, like, losing it. We got into it last night and I told him that I was gonna just take the kids and go to my parents’ because I need help with the kids, and instead of offering help, he just told me to go. So, I told him I was gonna call you to help me move them, and he screamed at me not to tell anyone.”

“Screamed at you?” you gasp, trying to picture it in your mind. 

“Yes, Y/N. He’s never done that before. I don’t know, I’m trying so hard not to overthink everything, I just— Noah, stop it right— shit, I have to go before he chokes. Talk later?”

You swallow, not wanting to let her off the phone just yet but knowing she has to go. 

“Yes, call whenever,” you say quickly. 

“Okay. Love you, bye.”

“Love you,” you murmur, then pull the phone from your ear. 

You sit still for a moment and digest all of the words Maddie said; Kelce’s behavior, his screaming, and how she feels so overwhelmed that she wants to take the kids and go to her parents house. You had no idea things were so bad between them, and without thinking too hard about it, you make the choice to go over there and help her. To step up when she needs you; when Kelce won’t. 

Standing from the couch, you hurry over to the playroom and stop at the door, listening to the three of them play inside. You smile to yourself and silently thank the universe for giving you such a man, such a partner, then crack open the door and step inside. 

“Mommy, come play!” Josie exclaims, holding out a plastic tea cup to you. 

She has Connor and Rafe sitting on the floor playing tea party with her. You laugh at the sight and Rafe grins and shakes his head, then waves you over to join him.

“Can I just talk to Daddy for one second, Jo? Then we can play, I promise.”

She looks from you to Rafe, then nods her head. Rafe furrows his brows and stands from his place on the floor, crossing the room in no time. 

Josie serves tea to Connor while Rafe leans against the doorframe, allowing his eyes to scan every single one of your features. 

“What’s up?” he asks quietly. 

You sigh, “Have you talked to Kelce?”

Rafe tenses, but when he starts to think, the crease in his brows deepens. 

“Actually, no. I just figured he was busy with the baby. Why?”

You shrug, trying to figure out exactly what to tell him. You bring your finger up to lazily trace the logo on Rafe’s shirt as you debate, and when he reaches up and takes it, threading his fingers through yours, you look up at him. 

“He screamed at Maddie last night,” you tell him, “Apparently, he’s been drinking a lot and not helping her with the kids. She told him that she was going to take them and leave, and he didn’t fight for them to stay.”

“What?” 

“Yeah,” you shrug, “I think she really needs help, so, I was wondering if you’d be okay watching—”

“Of course I am, baby,” he stops you, pulling you in closer, “You should go. I’m sure she’s drowning. If you get there and you guys need anything, just call me.”

You sigh in relief and collapse into his chest, letting his arms wrap around you. He presses little kisses into the top of your head and you revel in them, unable to believe you landed such a partner. 

“Thank you,” you whisper. 

“You’re a good friend,” he replies, “I won’t say a word to Kelce until you tell me to.”

You nod and run your nails up and down his back, then pull your head up so he can give you a real kiss. He does, and you immediately hear the kids on the other side of the room. 

“Are we giving Mommy hugs?” 

Connor stands from the floor, despite Josie’s protest, and crosses the room. You kneel and pull him in to you immediately, listening to him erupt in a fit of giggles as you kiss all over his face. Josie squeals and runs over, too, jumping right on you. 

“I have to go see Aunt Maddie for a little while, okay? Can you guys be good for Daddy while I’m gone?”

They both nod, and Connor locks his arms around your neck. 

“I’ll watch Josie,” he volunteers. 

Josie frowns, “I’ll watch Connor.”

You laugh and give them both another kiss on the cheek, then pull them in for one last hug. 

“And both of you need to watch your dad,” you tease, “I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

     You pull up to Maddie’s and shut off your car, then turn and stare at the passenger seat filled with stuff. A bouquet of flowers — which you’re sure she hasn’t seen in a while — along with Target bags full of snacks, diapers, pacifiers, some new baby clothes, a blanket, and a few cute shirts for Noah that you couldn’t help but pick up. 

Gathering it all, you make your way to the front door and let yourself in using your key, then use Julian’s cries to guide you to the living room. Noah is running circles around the house; from the kitchen, to the living room, through the dining room, and back to the kitchen. 

“I know, I know,” Maddie says to him, bouncing him carefully, “I already fed you, and you have a clean diaper, I guess you just want your dad, huh? Me, too.”

As you get closer, you see she has tears in her eyes. You frown and enter the room, watching as she looks up and spots you. 

“Hey,” you greet her softly. 

“Y/N, what are you—”

“I brought reinforcements,” you say with a smile, holding up the flowers and the bags, “Mind if I help out?”

More tears fall from her eyes, and you immediately drop the items on the couch before making your way over to her. You give her a tight side hug, then remove the crying baby from her grasp. 

“Aunt Y/N!” Noah cheers when he sees you, halting his runs to come and hug your leg. 

“Hey, buddy,” you grin, “What’s up?”

“I’m running super fast in my racecar shoes,” he tells you, holding up his foot as proof to show you the new shoes. 

“Oh, that’s awesome. Do you want to go run outside in the backyard?”

He nods, and you look up at Maddie. She sniffles, wiping her eyes and nose on her dirty sweatshirt before granting you that permission. Julian, having calmed down slightly, nuzzles into your chest and closes his eyes to sleep. 

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” you promise her, “You should go shower and get a nap in.”

Her eyes well up again, “Julian needs to eat again in sixty-two minutes.”

You smile and reach for her, squeezing her hand, “I’ve got this. Go.”

She lets out a sob before giving you one last hug, then escapes off to her room so as not to show Noah this side of her. He’s already standing at the back door, tugging on it but waiting patiently for you to give him permission. 

“Come on,” you grin, “Let’s go run.”

     Noah runs circles around you until you grow dizzy. Julian falls asleep on your chest, and you rub his back without stopping for even a second out of fear that he will wake up. You check your phone and see that it’s almost time for him to eat, so you grab Noah’s attention and usher him over to you. 

“Do you want to help me feed Julian his bottle?” you ask. 

Noah smiles, “Yeah. I always help Mommy, and she says I do a good job.”

“I bet you do. Come on, let’s go.”

Noah leads you into the house and Julian stirs. His eyes open and you smile down at him, thankful when he doesn’t cry. He just stares up at you and wiggles around, trying to gauge his surroundings. 

Noah grabs the bottle from the fridge and hands it off to you to put in the warmer, then waits patiently at the counter for it to be done. You rock Julian and keep him happy, too wrapped up in both kids to notice the presence of another person until the front door slams shut. 

Instantly, Julian starts to cry. Noah turns around to you, seemingly forgetting about the bottle and looking up with wide eyes. 

“Who is that? Must be Daddy. Do you think it’s Daddy? I’ll go look.”

You frown, “No, stay with me. I need your help with Julian, remember?”

Noah nods, but when Kelce enters the kitchen he gains both of your attention. To your surprise, Noah doesn’t run to him. Instead, he turns back around and tries to peer over the top of the counter at Julian’s bottle while you clench your jaw and rock Julian in your arms, trying to get him to stop crying. 

“Jesus,” Kelce groans at the noise, then looks over and furrows his brows when he sees it’s you, not Maddie, in the kitchen, “What the hell are you doing here?”

You roll your eyes, “Was slamming the door really necessary? I had him calm, and Maddie’s taking a nap. At least, she was.”

“Oh, come on. That kid cries at the drop of a hat,” he grumbles, then walks over to the fridge and pulls it open, “Oh, grilled cheese sounds good.”

“Kelce, are you serious?”

You say it before you can even consider whether or not you should. He tenses and then stands up straight, closing the fridge and spinning around to face you. Julian starts to settle, so you know this argument has to be quiet, and you just pray Maddie can sleep through it. 

“Excuse me?”

You scoff, “I’m holding your crying son while your wife takes her first nap in weeks, and you’re debating making a grilled cheese? Seriously? What is wrong with you?”

Kelce’s jaw shifts, but instead of fighting back, he looks down at Noah. 

“Noah, go play in the front room,” he demands. 

“But, I was helping with—”

“Now,” he orders, pointing to the doorway of the kitchen. 

Noah frowns but does as instructed, leaving the three of you in the kitchen. The bottle warmer alerts you that it’s through, and you remove Julian’s bottle from it. 

He’s calm now, just staring up at you as you smile down at him. You start to feed him while Kelce just stands there, and you hope and pray that he’s uncomfortable, because you certainly are not. 

“Did she call you and tell you to come here?”

You glance over at him, “No. She just sounded desperate when she canceled plans with me. Again. So, I came over to help.”

“Right,” he mutters, “Because you and Rafe are the ones who do everything perfectly, right? And the rest of us just have to hope we can live up.”

“What are you talking about?” you furrow your brows, “Nobody ever said—”

“She did.”

You let his words hang in the air for a moment before you acknowledge them, trying to figure out what exactly he is trying to say. 

“Who did?”

“Maddie,” he mumbles, “I overheard her telling her mom all kinds of stuff about you and Rafe. She said that he’s so helpful and you guys are true partners. You know what she said to her mom about me? She said that I don’t dote on her the way Rafe does to you, and that she wasn’t even sure I wanted another baby.”

You swallow and rock Julian again, watching as he takes the bottle without hesitation. You’re sure Kelce’s feelings were hurt when he overheard Maddie saying those things, but you also know she would never say them without truly feeling them. 

“Well, you’re not exactly proving to her that you do. If all you’re doing is drinking and leaving the house—”

“Having Julian was my idea, Y/N. Why the fuck would she say I didn’t want him?”

You take a step back, “I don’t know, Kelce, but—”

“See? I didn’t want her to involve you, because you and Rafe don’t get it. You two live on this little island of perfection, and the rest of us are over here dealing with real life—”

“Excuse me,” you stop him, anger written all over your face, “That’s enough. Rafe and I have our own set of issues, even if you don’t see it.”

“Sure you do,” he mutters sarcastically, “Look, if she thinks I don’t want a second baby, then I’ll just prove her right. Because I’ll never be Rafe Cameron, Y/N. I’ll never be enough, because I’m always being compared to him.”

You frown, but you step closer to him. Close enough that he can peek down and see his son taking his bottle. He can see you, glaring up at him. As much as you want to sympathize with him for how he feels, you refuse to, because his shitty behavior outweighs his shitty feelings. 

“Listen to me,” you urge, “You are one of the best men I have ever known in my life. This little temper tantrum you’re on is so not you, and I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I am disappointed. You’re an asshole for getting drunk, you’re an asshole for leaving her here with a newborn and a toddler, and you’re an asshole for hurting your kids in the process of proving some stupid point to Maddie. You owe her the biggest apology of all time, and then, you need to sit down and tell her exactly how you feel. Because I swear, Kelce, if you don’t get your shit together right now, I will help her leave you and I will help her get full custody. I’ve seen what alcohol does to a man, and you will not raise these kids in that environment. Do you understand me?”

He swallows and looks to the floor, at his scuffed up boots and his dirty jeans. He doesn’t bother looking back up at you, but instead, he shrugs. 

“Alright,” he says, “I’ll do better, then.”

“Good,” you snap, “Now, eat something. You look like shit.”

This brings a low laugh out of him, and even though you’re still mad about his behavior, it brings a small smile to your lips. He turns his head and looks up at you — finally — then down at Julian. His lips part, and just as you’re sure he’s about to ask if he can have him to hold, Maddie appears in the doorway. 

She’s in fresh clothes and her half-wet hair is secured in a claw clip. She has socks covering her feet and looks more rested than she did when you showed up, but still looks chronically tired. 

“When did you get home?” she asks Kelce, her tone clipped, “Right around the time Julian started crying again?”

You step away from Kelce and to the other side of the kitchen, keeping your focus on Julian. 

“I didn’t mean to slam the door,” he tells her quietly.

“Yeah, well, he—”

“I’m sorry, Mads.”

She tenses, “For slamming the door?”

“For all of it.”

The room falls silent as Maddie digests Kelce’s words. You, feeling the tensenes, move toward the back door, then give Maddie a smile when she looks over at you again. 

“I’ll take Noah back outside,” you say quietly, “Noah!”

In his racecar shoes, he comes running into the kitchen. He halts when he sees both of his parents and gives his mom a smile, subconsciously inching toward her. For what you guess to be the first time in weeks, Kelce notices this movement, and he frowns. 

“Yeah?” Noah asks.

“Let’s go back outside and give Julian the rest of his bottle, okay?”

He nods in agreement and follows you out the back door, leaving his parents to work it out in the kitchen. 

     About half an hour later, Maddie emerges from the house and smiles when she sees Julian asleep in your arms. Noah is playing on the swings Kelce bought and built for him last year, not even noticing Maddie as she comes out. 

“Hey,” you say with a smile.

She sits down in the chair beside you, glancing at Julian again before she relaxes. 

“Hey,” she replies, then snickers,  “Girl, I don’t know what you say to these men, but you really work your magic on them.”

You snort, “Right.”

“I’m serious!” she defends, “You don’t have to tell me, but just know that I know.”

You look over at her and laugh when she laughs, shaking your head. When she takes a deep breath and crosses her arms over her chest, you can tell that she’s ready to tell you the seriousness. 

“So, what did he say?” you ask.

“He said that he didn’t want me to take the kids,” she says, looking out at Noah, “And that he feels inferior as a dad and a husband. Especially since Julian was born. He thought he could handle it, I guess, but the transition from one kid to two was harder on him than he anticipated. He told me that he overheard me tell my mom how good Rafe is as a dad and a husband, and apparently that was his final straw.”

You nod as you absorb her words, then examine her facial expression for a moment before you answer. She’s stoic, emotionless; like she’s just listing off facts instead of telling you about the problems in her marriage. 

“What did you say to that?”

She scoffs, “I told him to put on his big boy pants and change a fucking diaper for once.”

You can’t help but laugh, because that response sounds so much like Maddie to you that you can’t help but crack up. She gives you a smile, too, and continues on. 

“I also told him that I get it, but I need him to communicate with me. If I say or do something that offends him, he can’t just run off to a bar, you know?” 

You nod, “Yeah, that makes perfect sense.”

The two of you grow quiet then, and it’s a solid minute before Maddie sighs and squirms in her seat. 

“But, we’re going to be fine,” she tells you, “It was a temporary thing, and we can work through it. Even if he doesn’t know that yet.”

She side-eyes you and winks, which makes you laugh again. 

“I’m really glad about that. I’m rooting for you guys, you know. Always am.”

She smiles, “Thanks, Y/N. And thank you for dropping your entire day to come over here and save me from drowning in diapers and tears. You didn’t have to do that, but it means a lot that you did.”

You nod and use your free hand to reach for hers, giving her a squeeze as soon as you get a good hold on her. 

“You’d do the same for me,” you murmur, watching her nod. 

“Of course I would.”

Your phone buzzes on the side table at the same time that Julian starts to fuss in your arm. Maddie reaches for him with no hesitation and nods to you to check your phone in case it has something to do with one of the kids. You pick it up and see a text from Rafe, which you open immediately. 

Everything okay? Need us to drop off food?

You smile at his sweetness and type out a quick response. 

No, it’s all good. Be home soon. Love you. 

“Do you need anything before I go?” you ask Maddie. 

She shakes her head as she looks out at Noah, who is still happily swinging. 

“No. Thank you again, Y/N. Give me any night this week that you’re free, and we can have dinner.”

You smile, “That sounds great. Love you, babe.”

“Love you, too.”

You kiss her cheek, then Julian’s, then call Noah in so you can say goodbye. He gives you a hug and makes you promise to tell Josie he said ‘hi’. When you make your way inside, you find your purse in the living room and you grab it, pulling out your keys and sticking your phone inside. This process distracts you, and just as you reach the front door, you hear Kelce’s voice.

“Y/N.”

You turn around and face him, finding him showered, in clean clothes, and looking exhausted. Giving him a hesitant smile, you humor him. 

“Yeah?”

He returns your smile, “Thanks. And, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t owe me an apology, Kelce. Things happen,” you shrug. 

He shakes his head and then takes a few steps closer, tugging anxiously at the bottom of his shirt. 

“Yeah, but I really needed the reality check. It takes a pretty good friend to give that to someone, so, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” you reply, patting his arm, “Goodnight, Kelce.”

“Goodnight.”

He opens the front door for you and waits for you to get safely into your car, then closes it. You hope and pray that he’s going inside to his family; his wife and his kids, and that he’s attempting to be the best version of himself that he can be. For them.

     When you get home, you find the playroom and the living room empty. Confused, you wander into the kitchen, and all the breath is drawn from your lungs. 

All three of your family members, plus a very eager Bo, sit at the kitchen table with a feast of Chinese food in front of them. You laugh at the sight and move closer, not at all surprised when Rafe stands from his chair. 

“Hungry?” he asks in a teasing voice, 

“What’s going on?” you laugh, embracing him when he offers you his open arms. 

“We’re having dinner together, Mommy,” Connor says.

“Come on and sit down, I’m starving,” Josie groans dramatically. 

You laugh and give Rafe a kiss, then kiss Connor’s cheek and the top of Josie’s head on your way to your seat. Rafe starts helping Josie divide out her food onto her plate and you do the same for Connor before ultimately moving onto yourself. 

“So?” Rafe questions, raising a brow. 

“They’re fine,” you reply, “Kelce just needed a little push in the right direction.”

Rafe nods, “I’m glad they’re okay. And I’m glad you gave him that push.”

“Thanks,” you say with a smile, earning one back from him. 

     The four of you eat dinner and then make dessert, which you eat outside on the deck while Connor hunts for stars in the sky. They both fall asleep pretty soon after that, and you and Rafe both carry them upstairs to their beds. 

The two of you reconvene in the living room, silently agreeing to cuddle on the couch without having to exchange a single word. He holds up a blanket and allows you to crawl under it, then laughs when you immediately mold your body to his. 

“So, tell me,” he starts in, “What was Kelce’s deal?”

You shrug nonchalantly, “You, actually.”

“Me?”

“Mhm,” you hum, “He was feeling really overwhelmed making the transition from one kid to two, and, I guess, he overheard Maddie telling her mom how good you are with me and the kids, and it just made him feel inferior.”

“Oh, shit,” Rafe sighs, “Should I call him?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Rafe.”

“No, I just—” he stops himself and shifts, then starts again, “I just get how he’s feeling, that’s all. And I don’t want him to have any sort of unresolved feelings toward me, you know?”

You nod and cuddle closer to him, feeling his hand run down your back and slip innocently under your shirt. 

“Maybe give him some time,” you say after a minute, “He’s not angry with you, though. But, maybe give him a chance to fix things with Maddie and the kids before adding anything else onto him.”

Rafe nods, and the tips of his fingers run down your spine. You shiver and cuddle closer, which makes him laugh. 

“Good idea,” he replies, “Busy day at work tomorrow?”

“No. You?”

“No.”

You grin, “Wanna have lunch? Maybe fool around in your truck?”

He laughs and allows his fingers to slip through the waistband of your sweatpants, stroking your hip bone softly. 

“That sounds perfect,” he says with a cheesy grin, “It’s a date.”

“Lucky you,” you tease. 

He laughs again, and you swear you can feel your heart pounding in your chest at the sound. It’s perfect — as is he. 

“Lucky me,” he repeats, and you can hear it in his voice. The way he means it. The way he loves you. Even though he’s claiming to be the lucky one, you know that truthfully, it’s you. The luckiest out of everyone — because you’re loved by him.

*i no longer have a tag list. follow @mackupdates for updates! thank you for reading! <3

[willowser]

pls more touya soulmate au!! your tags have me dying, it’s just all so tragic 🥹🥹

isn't it !!!

and what if — it's not you that's hesitant. it's him.

(tw: domestic abuse—not from touya—and suicidal ideation ?? idk how this happened, i'm sorry LOL)

i picture you as — the child of some socialite. your mother's family has always been wealthy, been involved in — let's say — designing hero costumes. haute hero fashion, or something. your mother hosts a lot of events and parties you're expected to attend and your family is well known. elites.

you're engaged to a man everyone thinks is your soulmate — but you know he's not. not because he's only with you for your money or because he hits you, but you feel nothing for him. not even a smidgen. pity, maybe, if you had to assign a label to it. there are no sparks or butterflies in your stomach, not like there used to be; now the only drop of your gut is from his fist.

it's only because of such violence that dabi even approaches you. initially because he plans to smite your little fiancé to nothing, but the strike across your cheek is over and done with before he's able to get out of the shadows, cast with a quickness that only shows your fiancé's knack for being discrete. you're left shivering and bruised on the balcony of some fancy hotel, looking out over the skyline as the party continues without a hitch behind the french doors.

"should ice that." he rasps, still hidden, though it doesn't seem to matter; you don't even spare him a glance. "will bring down the swelling."

you hum, leaning far over the edge as your hair blows in the wind. "they won't notice," he's heard your voice, sure, but it's never been spoken to him and he hates the grip it gains on his chest. "and if they do, then they won't care."

"sounds pretty fucked to me."

at that, you laugh, slipping out of your designer heels and bunching up your designer dress so that you can climb up onto the ledge, wavering as you hold your arms out. the sight makes him sick, draws him out of the shadows with his hands into fists, sweat beginning on the back of his neck.

dabi comes to stand right behind you and — you look like some kind of angel, wrapped in the golden city lights from far below. saliva pools in his mouth because he could gag; at himself, at the worry pooling in his stomach. even a dark thought crosses his mind, one that confirms everything he's been trying to deny: would be my soulmate that killed themselves right in front of me.

"get the fuck down."

you shrug, which is awful, and you still haven't looked at him so he doesn't even know if this shit is real. maybe he's having some kind of allergic reaction or his heart is giving out finally or something. no way to tell for sure until he sees your face, until he sees whatever crosses it.

whatever you murmur gets lost in the whipping wind — but he thinks it sounds like nobody would even notice.

he grabs you so fast, arms fitting around the curve of your waist like they were made to. you're spun around to face him and he nearly loses it, wide-eyed as he watches you watch him. sure, he's seen you a dozen and a half times by now, but not this close, never this close.

the grip you have on his shoulder tightens, but he doesn't think you realize it, and the way you're cataloging him, learning him; how bad are his burns today? some days they're more swollen than others. some days they are still too fresh and his skin is peeling a little bit. some days he hasn't fully burned through and he's left with these ugly fucking scabs and—

"hello," you say quietly, smile growing, eyes soft. "there you are."

and he lets go at once, because now that this is in front of him, he realizes how much he doesn't want it. can't have it anyway, not in this life.

todoroki touya would've been your soulmate, sure. you, with your money and your social status and prominent family name. universe got that part right when you were made, when your future was being planned.

you seem unbothered by him, though, steadying yourself as your breath hitches. "didn't think you existed out there."

"i don't," he grunts, stretching out his hands to feel the pull of his skin. it hurts and it grounds him, keeps him from stopping his retreat.

too bad touya died a long time ago.

[liumoonlight]

It’s Me You Love

Pairing: Niki x fem!reader

Genre: College AU, Fluff, Angst, Friends to Lovers, Light Comedy

WC: 10k

Warnings: Mentions of drinking, Mentions of Arguing, Swearing, Mentions of kissing, Playful Fighting between Karina and Sunoo

Featuring: Karina, Winter, and Ning Ning from Aespa, Taeil from NCT-127, Sunoo and Lee Heesung from Enhypen. Mentions Jisoo from BLACKPINK. Mentions Yeonjun from TxT. Mentions Ryujin from Itzy

Synopsis: You were in the best relationship you could ever ask for. Lee Heesung was everything to you, but so was yours and his childhood friend Riki Nishimura. You hid you were in love from him for a long time, but you didn’t want to keep it a secret anymore. You decided that now is the time, but it comes at a cost: lose the best thing to ever happen to you or choose the one you’ve been in love with since you were a kid.

A/N: My first 10k fic 😩. Through the amounts of writers block, brain farts, and stress I finally finished this. Without a doubt I was really happy with this fic from top to bottom. I hope you enjoy!

We’re Just Friends

“Babe where are you?” you said to yourself while waiting in the school halls for class. You sat by your locker patiently waiting for your lover to show up. It had been almost an hour since he last texted you, and being late was never really his style. As you continued to wait, you swiped open your phone and scrolled through pictures of you and your boyfriend. “Heesung you make me so happy.” “Well I’m glad that I can make you happy.” You were so deep into your own space, you were unaware you were thinking out loud. You were also unaware that Heesung had slowly popped up behind you.

“Baby! Hi! Where were you?” you said as you hugged him. “Sorry ran a little behind schedule thanks to this guy.” You looked to see that Niki was also standing beside him. “Niki… did that really happen?” you said with a smile. “Of course not y/n. He’s the one that almost overslept again! Honestly what would you do if you didn’t have me Heesung? You’d probably drop out of college.” “Ahh whatever.” Heesung said playfully while messing up Niki hair. “Ahhh cut it out.” Niki said while straightening his hair. You laughed at the two of them as they played around until you looked down at your phone to check the time. “Shit I’m gonna be late. Bye baby I’ll see you later at lunch.” With a quick kiss, you turned and headed for your first class of the day.

“Hey y/n! Almost late again huh?” You turned to see your two friends and classmates Sunoo and Karina heading towards you. “And I see you two are walking together again.” you said as you let out a sly grin. “As if I would ever give Sunny here a chance. He has a better chance with Winter.” Karina said in snarky voice while trying to avoid looking in Sunoo’s direction. “And you have no chance of passing chemistry without me so I’d choose my words wisely missy.” “Ouch!” You laughed as you watched the two of them go back and forth. “Karina just give in. The way you two go back and forth all day with each other makes it seem like your already a couple. Besides Sunoo is head over heels for you” As you said that you could see Sunoo face turn from pale pale white to red instantly. “Hold on for one second y/n. Don’t try shipping us.” All you could do is laugh in response to Sunoo’s reply. “Did you finally confess Sunoo? About time.” “Karina you be nice to him.” You continued to laugh as your other friends and classmates, Winter and Ning-Ning walked up. “Oh my god you guys! Stop it!” Karina said while trying to hide her blushing face. “No way! He likes you and you like him! Besides he’s a sweetheart.” “I’m going inside the class.” Sunoo said as he paced away to his table. “I hope class goes fast today. I’m starving.” you said as you and the rest of your classmates walked into class. “It’s 9:00 in the morning. Do you ever stop eating y/n?” Winter said while taking her seat right behind you. “Of course not. All Heesung ever does is feed her and spoil her.” Karina said as she and Ning-Ning took there seats in front of you. All you could is smile in response.

Time slowly paced by as you sat in class. You tried to focus, and write notes as the teacher went on explaining the lesson, but even that wasn’t enough to stop you from thinking about Heesung. You sat reminiscing on all of your memories together. You had known him since the two of you were kids. He grew up two house down from you, and would often spend a lot of time at the park playing along side you and Niki. Some days, it would be just you two spending time with one another. You would ride bikes, eat ice cream, and watch movies together. You were only nine at the time these things happened, but you were sure you were in love with Heesung, even if you didn’t fully understand what it meant to be in love. Over time your bond with both Heesung and Niki grew making you inseparable, but as you got older, it was Heesung that you spent most of your time with making the feelings that you had for him even stronger. While he occasionally dated other girls that you knew, it would make you jealous in a way, but it never stopped the feelings you had for him. It wasn’t until senior year of high school that you both confessed how you felt for one another. From that moment in life, you had finally gotten the one person you wanted to be with. You felt you had the perfect life and the perfect boyfriend. Even now in your senior year of college you felt the same way you felt for all those years.

“Y/N!” You snapped out of your thoughts as Winter, Karina, and Ning-Ning stood in front of your table. You were unaware that the bell had rang for class to end.“You were daydreaming about Heesung again I bet.” Ning-Ning said smiling while looking you dead in the eyes. You were face was such a bright red that you couldn’t deny what she had just said. “So are you pleading the fifth on that?” Karina said while playfully waving your phone around. “Give me my phone. Why don’t you go and talk to your boyfriend he’s right over there.” You said smiling while pointing in Sunoo’s direction. “Really y/n?” Sunoo said while looking in disgust at Karina. “Well she’s not denying it right now. She hasn’t said anything.” Winter said while smiling at Karina. “Anyone hungry?” Karina said while trying to dodge the question you had asked. “Me! Let’s go!” You said with an excitement in your voice. “Your paying this time right Karina.” You said while walking towards the door. “Let me check my account. Baby are you paying this time?” Karina said with a pouty face looking at Sunoo. “Oh my god. Fine…” Sunoo said while shaking his head and heading for the door.

As you and your friends walked towards you pulled out your phone. You checked your notifications and then scrolled to your messages to see if Heesung had texted you. “Hmmm.” you said in pouty voice. “What is it y/n?” Sunoo said while trying to look into your phone before being hit on the shoulder by Karina. “Ouch! Karina what the hell?” Sunoo said with a slightly annoyed voice. Karina looked at Sunoo with an equally annoyed face. “Since when is it cool to ever look into someone else’s phone?” Karina said with a disgusted voice. “Since when is it cool for me to be paying for your lunch again?” Sunoo said with the same amount of disgust in voice before turning back to you. “Anyways what’s wrong y/n?” “Hubby can’t make it to lunch.” you said as you continued to pout. “Awww poor baby? Is it really that bad?” Ning-Ning said while scrolling through her phone. “Yes!” You said in an instance.

You were so bummed in the moment that you didn’t feel an arm wrap itself around your shoulders. “He stood you up? Don’t worry miss I’ll be your date.” Niki said while smiling and walking. Seeing Niki made you smile while also prompting you keep going along with what he had just said. “Date? Who said this was a date?” “I did. It’s on me.” Niki said whispering in your ear in a attracting voice causing you both to laugh. “Well hello there Niki.” Karina said in a similarly attractive voice. “Save that for Sunoo.” “Oh great you too Niki?” Sunoo said while putting his hand over his face. “It’s pretty clear she likes you. Take the chance.” “For the love of g-“ Karina said while pacing off towards the doors of the dining hall.

Your friends went in different directions once you entered the dining hall, while you and Niki went and grabbed food from the same area. “So did he say where he was and why he couldn’t make it?” You nodded your head no in response to Niki’s question “He’s probably studying or something.” You said prompting Niki to laugh in response. “Well I hope that’s going well.” Niki said in a sarcastic voice. “Cut it out Niki. It’s okay. He’s busy I can understand that.” “Yeah you’re right. Everything is okay. You got me. You always will.” Niki said smiling at you. “Okay?” You said smiling a bit awkwardly and not sure of how to respond to what he had just said. “Hey you two! What’s taking so long?” You both had turn to see Karina and Winter signaling for you. “Oh right forgot we have to pay!” You said as you trailed off behind Winter and Karina. You approached the register with your wallet in had ready to pay before Niki grabbed your wallet from your hand. “Niki you don’t really have to pay for me. I can pay for myself.” “I told you it’s on me.” Niki said smiling before inserting his card into the card reader. You tried to hide your smile but you could feel Winter and Karina looking and smiling right at you.

Just as you and Niki headed towards the table where the rest of your friends were sitting, Karina pulled you to the side. “I’m so jealous of you.” Karina said giving you a sly grin. “What are you talking about?” You said with a bit of confusion. “You not only have a hot boyfriend, but a hot best friend who I can obviously tell really likes you.” “Karina stop it. Me and Niki have been friends since we were kids. Its never been that way between the two of us.” “So you’re telling me that not once have you ever felt differently about him?” Karina said smiling. “No of course not!” You said while trying to keep your voice down. “Say what you want but I know he likes. True enough you have Heesung, but I feel something between the two you. He genuinely loves you.” “Okay love doctor. While your so concerned with me and my best friend, why can’t you put this much energy into telling Sunoo how you feel about him?” You reply was enough to make her walk away towards the table as you followed behind her laughing. “So what were you two talking about?” Sunoo said before taking a sip of his drink. “Karina wants to ask you out.” You said laughing before taking a seat with your plate. “Y/N really!?” Karina said before throwing a piece of fruit at you. “Real funny y/n.” Sunoo said before turning away from Karina.

After eating lunch, you and your friends walked the courtyard of the school. “I’m so bummed I got a test for my next class.” Karina said pouting. “You did study right?” Sunoo said while staring directly at Karina. “Yes?” “Great. I’ll see you at the library in an hour.” Sunoo said sarcastically while shaking his head and walking away. “I just remembered I have literature class so I’ll catch you all later.” Ning Ning said before heading towards the literature hall. “Y/N do you have any other classes today?” Niki said while continuing to walk. “No chemistry was the only class I had. So I guess I’m going to head back to my room.” “Lucky.” Winter said while scrolling through her phone. “Yeah I know right.” Karina said while continuing to pout. “Do you want me to walk you back to your room?” As Niki said that, your face turned bright red causing Winter and Karina to both look at you with smile. “No it’s okay Niki. I can make it by myself.” “What she means is yes I would love for you to walk me to my room Niki! Please!” Karina said in a playful sarcastic voice. “Karina!” You said while hiding your red face. “Seriously I’m okay Niki.” “Okay I understand. I’ll catch up with you later. Bye y/n.”

As Niki walked away you let out a sigh of relief only for Winter and Karina to walk side by side of you with smiles on their faces. “So are you sure you don’t feel the same about him?” Karina said while laughing slightly. “Yes Karina! For the last time we are friends and nothing more.” You said feeling slightly annoyed. “I wish my friend walked me to my room. Your lucky. He’s super sweet!” Winter said while wrapping her arm around your arm. “Not you too Winter. Seriously?” “I know Mr. Perfect is your boyfriend, but seriously honey Niki and you are a perfect fit for each other.” Winter said while walking ahead of you. “Heesung is all I need. Besides I doubt Niki has any feelings for me. He’s known me his entire life.” “I don’t know about that.” Karina said while still smiling. “Oh my god!” Winter said out loud. “What is it?” you said before stopping. “Taeil from my astronomy class just asked to meet up with me!” “Taeil?” Karina said looking disgusted. “You mean the cute one that’s like super nerdy?” “Yes him! And what’s wrong with nerdy?” Winter said feeling slightly offended. “Nerds are just not my type.” Karina said while continuing to look disgusted. “Will you come with me Karina?” “Why me?” Karina said while sighing. “Please. I don’t wanna go alone.” Winter said while pouting. “Fine I guess.” Karina said reluctantly. “Have fun Winter.” You said laughing softly. “Bye y/n!” Winter said while pulling Karina by the arm and walking away.

After ten minutes, you finally reached your dormitory. You approached your room door after exiting the elevator, sticking the key in and opening the door. You closed the door behind as you walked in, sliding your shoes to the side and laying down in your bed. You opened your laptop to a picture of you, Niki, and Heesung from your high school senior trip to the States. “We’re just friends and nothing more.” you thought to yourself as you continued to smile and look at the picture. Your focus shifted to Niki in the photo completely. You knew that there was some truth to what Karina had said earlier. Niki was your best friend, and you were very aware of how he felt about you when you were kids. You recalled having a small crush on him when you were younger, but you thought nothing more of it. It was always you and Niki until Heesung entered your life. “What if it was you Niki? How would we be as a couple?” You thought quietly to yourself as you laughed. Back then it was so easy for you to tell how Niki was feeling. He was like an open book to you being He would tell you everything no matter what it was. Years later during high school, and even now in college, he began to get a bit quiet in regards to how he felt about anything. He went from being an open book to more or less a closed off person that just went with the flow, but even with that you both continued to have an amazing friendship and bond.

“Im thankful for you Niki.” You said as you slowly drifted asleep.

The Confession?

You were awaken by knocks on your door. You looked drowsy eyed at your phone to see it was 7:00 p.m. Slowly you pulled yourself out of bed and made your way to the door. Still somewhat half asleep you unlocked the door not bothering to ask who was there. “Baby! Hi!” you said excitedly realizing it was Heesung and Niki. “Hey there sleepy head. Did you miss me?” Heesung said while running his fingers down the side of your face. You nodded and smiled in response as you slowly moved in to hug him. “Oh I’m sorry! Hi Niki!” Niki waved in response from down the hall slightly smiling. “How was your day?” Heesung said while smiling at you. “Better now that I see you.” You said in response while continuing to hug him. You let go of Heesung, inviting both he and Niki in.

“You slept almost all day.” Niki said while walking towards your laptop desk. You felt something was wrong with Niki but thought nothing of it as you focused on Heesung again. “So what brings you to my domain good sir?” You said to Heesung while playfully running your hand through his hair.” “Well I missed you.” “And Karina and Winter invited us over to their place for a game night.” Niki said as he looked in to you and Heesung’s direction. “Oh great she’s having another game night? Why didn’t she say anything about this earlier?” You said while turning to your closet. You knew that a game night at Karina’s was anything but a normal night. She and Winter lived off campus in apartment together, so school rules were pretty much nonexistent. You knew pretty much every game she played from top to bottom, and you also knew that she pretty big on drinking games. “You know Karina and Winter plan stuff last minute. So you can just about imagine how the night is gonna end.” Niki said while turning pages in one of your notebooks. “You wanna go?” Heesung said while grabbing you and pulling you closer. You smiled in response and kissed him while Niki shook his head in disgust and continued going through your notebooks.

You grabbed a hoodie and the three of you made your way out the door and into the elevator. You and Heesung held hands and talked playfully before you noticed Niki walking ahead of you both as if he didn’t want to be bothered. “I wonder what’s wrong?” You thought to yourself as continued to walk. As the three of you approached Karina and Winter’s door you could tell something was visibly bothering Niki. “Niki are y-“ “Y/N, Niki, Heesung! Welcome! Come on in” Before you could say anything, Karina and Winter opened the door greeting and inviting the three of you inside.

Once you entered, you were met with music playing, and a few people that you were familiar with sitting around on the floor. You knew Taeil from last semester thanks to having one class together, and because he was the one Winter was interested in. You saw Sunoo talking with Jisoo, Ryujin, and Yeonjun from chemistry class. You turned to see Heesung talking with Karina, while Niki was sitting off in a chair in front of the television. Before you could walk over in Niki’s direction you were cut off by Winter handing you a glass with a dark red liquid in it. “Enjoy that.” Winter said while smiling and singing the words to the song that was playing. “Mmm.” You said as you took a sip from the glass. You were familiar with the taste of Sangria as it was one of your favorite wines. “How much have you two had tonight?” You said while turning towards Winter. “Surprisingly none. I’m trying to loosen him up first.” You looked as she pointed in Taeil’s direction who you could see had a smaller cup in his hand. “He looks nervous.” “Yeah drinking and gatherings aren’t exactly his cup of tea, but I really wanted him to come.” Winter said while smiling and winking her eye as Taeil looked from across the room.”

“Hey Karina mind if I play your switch?” Niki said sitting in front of the television. “Sure go ahead.” Karina said before pouring a glass of pink wine for herself. “So you bought both of them I see.” Winter said smiling before taking a sip of wine from your glass. You had coughed from swallowing the wine in response to her question. “It’s the other way around. He was the one who told me about this. He’s also been acting a bit distant tonight.” “Maybe you should try talking to him. I want you both to have a both to have a good time. Besides your amongst all of your friends.” You nodded and smiled before taking another sip from the glass. “Winter?” “Yeah?” Winter said before turning to walk away. “So there is something I have to talk to you about.” As you said that, Winter walked in closer. “So I-“ “Hey baby. Hey Winter.” Before you could say anything you were cut off by Heesung wrapping his arms around you. “Hey there Mr. Perfect. Came to snatch my woman from me?” Winter said jokingly. “Just for a few mins. I’ll bring her back I promise.” Heesung said while smiling at you. “Very well. We’ll talk later y/n. You two have fun now!” Winter said before walking off.

“You okay?” Heesung said while looking at you. You nodded your head yes in response, but truthfully you weren’t. You were concerned about Niki. He hadn’t said one word to you since you all left your room. You kept wondering if you had said something or did something that may have upset him. “I’m okay. I promise. Are you enjoying yourself?” “I am. I hate I can’t stay though.” “Why?” You said with a pouty face. “I’m meeting up with a few of my classmates to do some late night studying.” “This late though?” You said while still pouting. “I’ll make it up to you I promise y/n” Heesung said before kissing you softly on the lips. “Okay fine, but just so we are clear that’s twice today. You owe me lunch.” You said while smiling. “Done. I’ll deliver it to your door.” Heesung said while trailing his fingers down the side of your face. With another kiss, you watched as Heesung walked out the door.

You then averted your attention to Niki, who was focused on the video game. You walked in his direction wondering if he would actually tell you what was wrong, or would he just tell you he’s okay? “Hey Niki.” You said before sitting in a chair next to him. “Hey.” “Is something bothering you? You haven’t said too much of anything since we got here.” “I’m fine y/n.” Niki said dryly while continuing to focus on the game. “You would tell me if there was something wrong right Niki?” As you said that Niki paused the game while slowly turning in your direction. “You know I would y/n. I’d tell you in an instant.” “Do you promise?” You said while holding your arms open for a hug. “Yes I promise.” Niki said while softly patting and rubbing your head before turning back to the television screen. You couldn’t help but smile as you walked off. All the worrying about Niki was washed away like a wave of water crashing down on a beach.

You continued enjoying yourself as the night went on. You sat on the couch, eventually falling asleep. “Y/N! Y/N!” You were slowly awaken by what sounded like distorted voices. “Ugh… keep it down. My head is pounding.” “You are a total light weight you know?” Karina said giggling at you while continuing to clean up. “Shut up…” you said slightly slurring your words. You tried to move to your body to get off the couch, but your body felt like a ton of weights. The most you could do is move your head to the right of you to see Karina and Winter cleaning while Niki was wrapping up trash bags and carrying them out the door. “Heesung…” you said out loud. You pouted for a few minutes before realizing both Karina and Winter looking at you slightly confused. “What?” You said while placing your hands over your face. “Your definitely intoxicated” Winter said while laughing. Intoxicated was not the word you would use to describe yourself in this moment, but your body would disagree with you. You felt as if you were floating in an ethereal space trying to think of what to do to get your body to move off the couch, but nothing worked as you continued to lay in the same spot. “Alright that was the last of the trash. How is she doing?” You turned your head to see Niki walking towards you. “Very much intoxicated. Can you get her home Niki?” Karina said before taking a seat right next to you. “Anyone ever tell you that you and Sunoo would so cute together?” You let out a snicker, prompting Karina to look at you in disgust as a response. “Okay come on let’s go before Karina kicks both of us out. Literally.” Karina continued to look at both you and Niki while contemplating the idea of kicking you both out with her boot literally. “Alright come on my light weight.” Niki said as he slowly bent down to mount you on his back. You continued to shout and laugh as Niki carried you out of the door, not really thinking much of what you were saying.

You found yourself gazing out at the night sky as Niki carried you on his back. You always found the starry night skies beautiful as a child. As you stared, you started to reminisce on those nights you and Niki would play outside way past your curfew. “Those were good times in life.” Niki said while continuing to walk. “Hmm?” “All those nights where we played around at the park, and grab snacks from the 7/11 store knowing we weren’t supposed to be anywhere near downtown with out my mom.” You laughed quietly to yourself as Niki continued on with the story. “Are you reading my mind or something honey?” You said before laying your head down on his shoulder. You could see Niki smiling before eventually coming to a stop.

“Awww why are we stopping?”

“Look ahead!” Niki said with excitement. You looked up to see a 7/11 mart ahead of you. Your face lit up with excitement as Niki ran carrying you his back. “I can’t believe as much as I have walked this neighborhood I never seen this.” You said before jumping off his back. Niki smiled, nodding in agreement with you before opening the door. “After you my lady.” “Aww your such a charmer.” You said before walking in. You felt like a kid in a candy store as you look around at the shelves. They had candies and chips that reminded you of your childhood. “So do you know what you want?” “I want noodles and dumplings” you said pouting. Niki smiled as he walked to back to grab noodles and dumplings for the both of you. You watched Niki as he put the noodles in the microwave to warm. There was a feeling that made your heart race for a second. You knew Niki was your friend, but from his actions, and the way you interacted made it feel like more than that. You were so thankful for him being in your life.

“Oh could I have a melon milk tea please?” You said as you grabbed the drink from the freezer. “Make it two.” Niki said while smiling at you. “Yay!” You felt giddily as you walked towards him with the drinks. “Ahh done.” Niki said as he pulled out the noodles. “Oh my god! They look amazing.” You said with a happy voice. Niki smiled and walked away towards the register to pay for the items you bought as you set the table for the both of you. Niki made his way back to the table sitting across from you. You both grab the chopsticks and high five one another just before chowing down.

“Hey Niki?” “Yeah?”

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”

You could see Niki almost choke as you asked that question. “Wait what?” Niki said as if he didn’t hear you. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend? We’ve been around each other all of our life and I have never seen you so much as show an interest in someone. I mean there’s gotta be at least one person you’ve shown interest right?” “Let’s change the topic.” Niki said while avoiding your question. “Ooooh! So there is someone? Tell me about her.” “No because there is no one.” You could tell he was lying, and you could also tell he wanted to avoid your question by any means possible. The two of you were always honest with one another growing up and even now that never changed. You had never seen Niki interested in anyone other than you when you were kids, let alone he never talked much about being in love or any type of feelings that related to that topic. It was such a gray part of his life, but you could tell by his reaction that there was something he wasn’t telling you.

“So there’s literally no one you have ever had any feelings for at all.” You said while looking him directly in the eyes. “Just one.” Niki said while averting his eyes from your direction. You sat up excitedly waiting for him to continue.

“So tell me about her.” Niki let out a sigh and took a sip of his drink before continuing on. “So there is one person I’ve had feelings. In fact I’ve had feelings for a while.” “Is she pretty?” You said jokingly. “She’s beautiful.” Niki said while smiling. “She’s an amazing person to be around. She’s the highlight of my day. Being in her presence makes everything better. We have a lot in common.” As he said that, you began to think about who this person could possibly be. It definitely wasn’t anyone from your group of friends, but you didn’t rule it out either. You snapped out of your thoughts before asking another question. “So have you told her how you feel?” You could feel his energy change as you asked that question. His smile suddenly disappeared and suddenly his voice became a bit more serious. “Well… that’s the problem. I can’t bring myself to tell her how I feel.” “Why not?” You questioned.

“Because I’m afraid. Not just afraid of rejection, but also losing this person. When I’m around her I can barely form the words to tell her how I feel about her. I don’t know if she feels the same about me, and honestly that’s the scariest part.” You could tell whoever this person was meant a lot to him. You hearing him speak his feelings aloud made you smile, but it still made you question who it may have been. You slowly grabbed his hands and held them up hoping it would comfort him. “Niki. You are one the sweetest people I know. Anyone who gets to know you is extremely lucky because you are amazing. I don’t know who the person is, but it sounds like you don’t just like her. It sounds and feels like you are in love with her.” You could see Niki’s smiling again as you said that. It made you even happier to know that your words could comfort him. “If I ever meet her and she doesn’t feel the same way about you, I’m definitely going to tell her to look in the mirror and realize that she’s missing out on something that’s truly amazing.

“Some advice you should take for yourself.” Niki said before letting go and walking towards the door. You wondered what he meant by that, but you didn’t think much on it. “You can’t just get up and leave your trash.” You said jokingly. “I bought the food. That’s your way of paying me back.” Niki said before running out the door. You trailed behind him after throwing away the trash.

For the rest of the walk it was quiet. You kept thinking back to what Niki said earlier. You tried not to dwell on it, but you found yourself constantly thinking about who it could’ve been that Niki was talking about. Was it you? As much as you wanted to shoot down the possibility of it being you, it seemed as if the person he talked about sounded a lot like you. You loved Heesung, but you also loved Niki. True enough you got over your crush you had on him as a kid, but what you felt for him was still there. He was afraid of rejection just like you were afraid of him rejecting you when you were younger. “Why couldn’t I just bring myself to tell him back then.” You thought to yourself. You knew the answer. You had chosen Heesung, and as much as you wanted to tell Niki what you were feeling, you knew telling him everything now would only make things more complex between the two of you.

You continued walking eventually reaching your room. “Well we are here.” Niki said while smiling at you. “Yeah.” “I’ll see you tomorrow?” You nodded in response to his question. “Goodnight y/n.”

“Niki wait!” “Took you long enough.” Niki turned only to kiss you softly. The warm feeling from kissing his lips were enough to make everything you were thinking disappear. You felt like you were in a dream scenario as you kissed Niki again, but a dream was all it would ever be as you slowly snapped out of your thoughts. “You okay y/n?” “Niki I-“

“I love you.” You tried to retract your words as you realized what you said. You just told your best friend that you loved him. Unsure of how he would respond, you braced yourself. “I love you too. Good night y/n. You felt your heart drop for a second as Niki. As you walked inside your room, you were unsure of what just happened and what to feel. Your mind and heart were telling you two different different things in the moment. Your heart was fixated on the fact that you confessed unknowingly to your best friend that you were in love with him, while your mind was telling that the two of you only love each other as friends, and nothing more. You tried to forget about it as you laid in bed, but nothing worked as you continued to think of Niki.

“I really do love you Niki. I meant that.”

Your thoughts from the night before combined with no sleep whatsoever poured into the following day. You sat quietly in class even your friends are wondering what was wrong. You couldn’t focus one bit. You could feel your phone vibrating from the amounts of notifications you were receiving but not even that was enough to avert your thought. Niki was the only thing on your mind.

As you walked out of your lab class for the day, you realized Heesung was standing right in front of the door way. “Hi baby.” You wrapped your arms around him tightly as he did the same in return before you slowly pulled away. “That’s all I get? First no morning meet up and now no kissies from you. You could tell he was joking but you couldn’t form a sentence to reply. Instead you kissed him but not with the excitement and feeling that you always felt. “You okay?” You honestly wanted to tell him what was going on in your head and what your heart was feeling, but instead you opted to lie. “Yes I’m okay just kind of cram studying for my next exams have me tired. Are you okay?” “I’m even better now than I have you in my arms.” You smiled faintly but it was gone in an instant as you thought of Niki again. “Oh shoot. I gotta go baby. We should get lunch later. Sound good?” You nodded as he kissed your lips and walked off in the other direction.

“So what was that all about?” You were so out of it that you didn’t hear or notice Karina walking up. “Long story.” “Let’s walk and talk.”

“So what’s going on?” You could feel your heart racing as you were asked that question. “So I- I told Niki I loved him last night.” You could see Karina smiling from excitement. “How did he take it?” As happy as you wanted to seem, the thoughts plus mixed feelings about the entire situation still bothered you. “Well… he said he love me too but…” You and Karina both came to a stop as you paused your sentence. “I don’t think he meant it the way I meant it last night. I think he meant it purely from a friend standpoint, and honestly it stings a bit. I don’t even understand why I’m feeling the way I am right now. I haven’t been able to focus or sleep. I acted like Heesung didn’t even exist today. I feel so stupid.” You and Karina took a seat at a near by bench. She tried to comfort you as much as she could, but was unsure of what to do. Truthfully it did sting. You felt like your heart was rip out and stomped, but your conflicted emotions also made it hard to understand whether these feelings were right or wrong.

“You’re in love.” Karina said while hugging you. “I love Heesung. What do I do? I could never hurt Heesung like that.” “I’ll be honest y/n, I don’t know.” Karina tried to come up with any possible answer she could hoping it would help feel better about the situation but it didn’t help. “Winter is better at this kind of thing than I am. I have complications myself.” “Like what?” You sat up at full attention as Karina grabbed her bag ready to walk off. Karina let out a sigh before saying anything. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but I think I do like Sunoo.” You tried to hide your laughter as much you could but Karina had already caught you. “Why did you let this happen?” “Don’t look at me. We already knew it was going to happen.” You said while continuing to laugh. You and Karina continued to walk before she had to leave for another class. For a few minutes you were smiling before finding yourself in your thoughts again.

“Why can I just forget about this?”

The rest of your day consisted of stress, confusion, and not being to focus on anything. The day felt torture more than anything else. You made it back to your room hoping a nap would help make you feel better, but even that didn’t help you. “Being in love is so complicated. What the hell do I about this?” You threw your face into your pillow, letting out a long sigh before sitting back up thanks to your phone ringing. Not caring to see who it was, you slipped in one of your headphones and answered the call. “Hello?” “That’s a kind of dry way to say hey to your best friend.” Not being able to focus on anything today was one problem, and now the person that was responsible for you feeling the way you felt is on the the other end of the phone. Things were definitely going wrong today. “Hey Niki.” “You don’t sound okay. Is something wrong?” If only he knew the shit day that you had all thanks to him being on your mind. That would’ve been enough to end the conversation right there, but you couldn’t let him know that. “I’m fine. Just a little tired. Classes drained me out today.”

“Aww man I’m sorry to hear that.” “Anyways what’s up?” You both went quiet for a second before Niki responded. “I wanted to grab lunch for us. I wanted to go back to that 7/11 from last night if you were interested?” As much as you wanted to say yes, you didn’t wanna make the situation anymore complicated than what it already was, and you had already made plans with Heesung. “I’m sorry Niki. I told Heesung that I’d have lunch with him today.” “It’s okay I understand.” You could tell he was a a bit disappointed by the sound of his voice. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. There’s alway next time.” Niki said trying to a positive attitude. “Yeah sure.” You tried to keep yourself together while also feeling that Niki was completely bummed out at your response. “I’ll talk to you later y/n.” “Bye Niki.” You said before hanging up. After hanging up, you felt worse than before. You felt like the most terrible person alive for turning down Niki in exchange for Heesung, but at the same time with the way today went you honestly just wanted to be alone. A few minutes later while trying to get your head together, there was a knock at your door.

“Hey baby.” You opened the door to see Heesung standing with bags of food. “Delivered as promised.” You smiled as you let him in thanking him for the food. “Maybe I can try and forget about it just for a minute. Please give me a break.” You said to yourself before closing the door.

It’s More Complicated Than I Thought

“Not gonna lie, girl this is a lot to take in even for me.” You laid your head down on the library table in defeat. You explained everything that had been going on lately to Winter expecting a different answer, but not even she knew what to do. “So you’re saying I’m fucked and that there’s no clear cut way to fix this.” You said as you threw your hands up covering your face. “No honey I’m not saying that. What this is all comes down to is what are you going to do?” Winter said as she grabs your hands. “I don’t know Winter. I have million thoughts of Niki running through my mind every second. I can’t even begin to tell you the shit show of a day I had yesterday.” “Have you talked to Heesung?” You sighed out of disappointment. “He bought me lunch yesterday and he stayed with me for a bit but even with that I could barely say two words because I was so deep in my head.” As you covered your face, Winter hugged you, hoping it would bring you some comfort. “So any progress while I was gone? Both you and Winter nodded no as Karina approached the table with drinks in her hand. “Here this is for you honey.” Karina said as she handed you a strawberry milk tea. “Thank you.” “I know you’re confused right now but we’re going to figure it out.” Karina’s word made you feel a lot better. The three of you spent the next hour studying while also making conversation before Winter and Karina left for their classes for the day.

You walked campus for the rest of your morning. Bored of just walking, you decided to walk back to your room and just kill time. “Hi y/n!” You were joined by Ning Ning as you walked back to your room. “Hey Ning. How are you?” “Packing my brains for my last classes before we leave out for break.” “Break?” You said as you were confused. “Spring break?” “Oh yeah. I forgot that even existed.” You and Ning Ning laughed as you continued to walk across campus. The more you talked, the better your day was getting. You didn’t think about the situation that was going on in the moment. For once you had a piece of mind. You had finally made it to your dormitory after walking for what felt like forever. You and Ning Ning both stayed on the same floor so you both decided to take the elevator instead of you taking the stairs like you usually do. As you waited for the elevator to stopped, you pondered should you talk to Ning Ning about your situation. You had talked to your other friends, but you got no answer that would help comfort you. Ning Ning wasn’t the biggest on relationships but she always gave you the best advice out of all your friends. “Well I’ll see you later y/n.” “Wait Ning I-…” You grabbed Ning Ning by the arm as the elevator doors opens. Ning Ning could tell by your expression something was definitely wrong.

“I need some advice.”

“Of course honey.” You both stepped off the elevator going to Ning Ning room instead of yours. Ning Ning unlocked and opened the door to her room letting you in. You had been to Ning Ning’s room before but not long enough to truly appreciate how aesthetically pleasing her room was compared to yours. You felt like it was a safe haven. You took a seat at her computer desk and began to explain the entire situation from the top to bottom. “So yeah that’s the entire story.” “Honey from what you’re telling me sounds like you’re in love with Niki.” Ning Ning said while smiling. “I’m confused Ning. Like I don’t even know how to act around him anymore. I’ve blocked out my feelings for Niki for so long, and now I don’t know how to even tell him that.”

Ning Ning continued to comfort you as you talked. “You should start by really asking yourself. Are you happy with Heesung? Do you really love him?” What kind of question was that? You loved Heesung. He would never do anything to hurt you. “I gotta go Ning. I’ll catch you later on.” “You’ll figure this out y/n. If there’s one thing I know is that you will know what to do in the end.” You smiled and hugged Ning Ning as you walked out the door. For the rest of the day you thought back on your conversation with Ning Ning earlier. You tried everything to come up with a solution to handle your problem, but nothing worked or made sense. Your thoughts were interrupted by knocks at your door. Not sure who it could be and why, you slowly made your way to the door to unlock it.

“Hi y/n…”

To your surprise it was the one person you were hoping it wouldn’t be. “Niki. What are you doing here?” You could tell from his face something was wrong. “I need to talk you. Can I come in?” You nodded letting him in as you had a feeling of how this conversation was about to go. You closed the door offering him a seat on your bed as mentally prepared yourself for what was about to come.

Niki sat in silence as well as yourself. You could tell he was nervous to say anything as he began fidgeting his fingers. “Y/n I-…” “Niki… kiss me.” You were both taken aback by what you just said. “Did you mean that y/n…?” You covered your face to hide the red that flushed over your checks. “Im sorry Niki I didn’t mean t-.” Before you could finish your sentence, Niki pulled you in softly kissing your lips. As much as your mind told you to pull away, your heart was saying to make this moment last as you lost all strength to his warm soft lips. As he began to pull away, you pulled him closer kissing him slowly climbing on top of him as he wrapped his arms around you. You couldn’t stop yourself as this was all you had thought about since the other night. You wanted this moment to last forever as you continued to kiss him.

“What the hell!?” You both looked up to see Heesung in shocked as to what he just saw. Your heart stopped as you tried to find the words to explain what you had just done but before you could say anything Heesung walked away causing you to chase after him as Niki laid in shock. “Heesung wait! Wait please! It’s not what you think.” You could see the hurt in his face as you continued to try and get him to hear you out. “Please let me explain Heesung.” “What is there to explain? Tell me y/n. Please explain how I just saw you kissing Niki so that it can make sense.” You tried to find the words to explain your actions, but you knew there was no explaining your way out of this. You felt the tears falling down your face as Heesung walked past you and into the elevator. You were met by Niki standing in your doorway as you walked back with tears falling from your face. “Y/n I-.” “Niki I need you to go.” You said walking past Niki into the room. “Y/n what we just did… I-…” “Niki I really don’t wanna talk right now. Please just go. Leave me alone.”

“What we just did… that meant something. You can’t tell me it didn’t.” “Go away please!” You cried out as you covered your face to hide your tears. You heard your door close as Niki walked out. You planted your face into your pillow, hoping it would stop the the tears flowing down your face, but nothing worked. You couldn’t stop your mind from racing with what had just occurred. You felt terrible for what you had just done, but you couldn’t blame anyone but yourself.

The following days afterwards, were a lot more gray than usual. You sat in your room, shutting yourself off from your friends and even missing class. You didn’t bother to check your phone, being you didn’t wanna talk to anyone. You had lost motivation to do anything that would make you happy. Hell even smiling seemed impossible in this moment as all you thought about was making the biggest mistake you could’ve ever made. You missed Heesung, and you missed Niki. All you could think about was fixing your error, but you knew that the damage you caused Heesung was irreparable at this point. You felt like nothing would ever be okay for you ever again as you laid in silence in your room.

You were drawn back to reality as you heard knocks on your door. You ran as fast as you could to open the door hoping it would be the one person you had wanted to see so badly. “Baby I-. Oh…” You opened the door expecting it to be Heesung waiting on the other end with open arms, but instead it was Karina. “Come here honey. I know you need one more than ever right now.” Karina said as she held her arms out. You hugged her tightly as you cried. After letting her in you made your way back to your bed as she followed behind you. “So you made your decision I see.” Karina said while sitting beside you on the bed. You nodded your head in agreement to what she had said, but you knew that it didn’t make you happy to admit. “I’m the worse person ever… I kissed Niki and lost both my boyfriend and best friend in the same moment…” “Honey you’re not the worse. Don’t even talk like that.” Karina said trying to console you. “Have you seen Niki?” “He’s honestly in worse shape than you. He looks like he’s drained of all of his energy. He’s only been around Sunoo but even then he only comes to class and afterwards he just disappears.”

“Yo y/n. Knock knock.” “Speaking of which. Hey Sunoo.” Karina said while shooting Sunoo a look of disgust. “I’m here for y/n.” Sunoo walked over to you giving you a hug. “Thanks Sunoo. So… how is he?” “Honestly… he’s a wreck. He’s been blaming himself for whatever went down between you two. He looks exhausted.” Hearing that made you feel bad. You couldn’t point fingers at anyone but yourself. “You two need to talk to one another. I hate to see you two like this.” Sunoo said before walking out the door. You nodded before telling him bye. “I honestly don’t know what to do.” You threw yourself back on the pillow before letting out a long sigh. You knew the longer you ignored the situation it would never be fixed. You wanted to make everything right but you didn’t have an answer for how to. “Whatever you decide, you’ll know in your heart it’s what you wanted. You’ll have your answer eventually.” Karina gave you one last hug before walking out the door. “Oh and by the way. Don’t make me have to come back over here. I expect to see you bright and early tomorrow. Lunch and then dinner afterwards. Got it.” “You got it.” You said before smiling.

It Was Meant To Be

The following day was pretty normal. You felt a bit better than the last few days. Your friends made sure to check in on you through out the day. You got through your classes thinking less about the situation as you went on through the day. You knew you would eventually have to deal with it, but you wanted to enjoy the relief that you were feeling even if it was just for today. After lunch you and your friends talked for a bit before leaving for the rest of the day. You spent your day mainly walking campus and listening to music occasionally. You walked until you came to a stop, taking a seat on a bench in the courtyard area of school. You sat with your music playing in your ears while gazing out at the few people you saw walking by.

“Hi y/n.”

You didn’t notice that Heesung had taken a seat next to you until you looked in his direction causing your heart to stop for a minute. “Heesung I-… hi.” For a few minutes the two of you sat in silence. You couldn’t find the words to explain your actions from the other night. You could tell he was hurting while also trying to gather the words to say something to you. “You have every right to not ever want to speak to me again.” You said breaking the ice. “I’m not upset. True enough I’m hurt but I’m not upset at you. Truth is… I kind of had a feeling for a while that eventually it would happen.” Hearing that made you cry. You tried to wipe your tears to where he wouldn’t see you crying but before you could he pulled you in giving you the most comforting hug. “I’m sorry.” “It’s okay y/n.” Heesung continued to comfort you until you stopped crying.

“I love you y/n. I always will. No one will ever replace the love you gave me. You’ve given me the best moments in life I could ever ask for. I’m thankful for everything. I will always be apart of your life. Always.” You smiled as Heesung wiped the tears from your face. “I’ll never forget you Heesung. I love you.” You gave one final big hug before he got up to walk off. You knew the pain he was feeling still lingered. “You should tell him. Tell him the truth y/n. There’s nothing holding you back.” You watched as Heesung walked off. It was a bittersweet moment, that you had honestly wish didn’t happen but you knew that you would be okay and so would he.

You made your way back to your room reflecting on all that had happened today. A part of you felt happy while the other part of you felt empty. You kept thinking back to what Heesung said earlier. You knew what you had to do, but didn’t have a clue as to how to do it. You were interrupted by your phone ringing. You didn’t recognize the number but answered it anyway.

“Hello?” “Hi y/n!” You recognized that it was Ning Ning. “Ning Ning? Did you get a new phone?” “Sorry. I would’ve used mines but it’s dead. Had to borrow a friend’s. But anyways. I need you to do me a favor.” “Okay?” You said sounding a bit confused. “7:00 p.m. Meet us a-.” The phone started to break up as you tried to make out what Ning Ning was saying. “You want me to what?” “Meet up at the courtyard fountain tonight at 7.” “What for?”

“You’ll see.” “Okay I’ll see you there.” You ended the call completely confused as to why or what was so important about later tonight, but you thought less and less about it as you scrolled through your phone.

Night fall had approached as you made your way to the courtyard. As you walked you wondered what could your friends have a planned at such an odd hour on a school night. “You could’ve at least gotten dressed y/n.” You turned to see Karina and Winter walking up towards you. “Well no one told me to get dressed. Besides this is comfortable for me.” As you pointed to your long sleeve and jeans. “Come on.” Winter said while giggling. The three of you made your way to the courtyard fountain. Before you got any closer Karina and Winter threw their hands over your eyes acting as a blindfold. “Karina? Winter? What are you doing?” “Just keep walking.” Winter said as she grabbed your hand. “No seriously what the hell? You said feeling more nervous than comfortable. The three of you came to a stop. You could hear the water flowing from the fountain meaning you were pretty close. “Okay keep your eyes closed, and hold your hands out.” Karina said as she and Winter moved their hands from over your eyes. “Okay.” You said while still trying to figure out what was going on. Suddenly you felt your hands being grabbed. Whoever it was the feeling was warm. It made you feel comfortable enough to smile. “Hello stranger. Not sure what my friends are doing but don’t be surprised if I jerk away.” You said while keeping your eyes closed.

“I won’t let that happen.”

You immediately opened your eyes as you recognized Niki’s voice. You hugged him as a flood of emotions came over the both of you. You had missed his touch and you could tell that he missed yours as well. “Niki I-…” “I love you y/n. It’s been you since the beginning. I been in love with you since we were kids. I hate that I wasn’t able to tell you in the beginning but I was afraid because I thought you would never see as more than your friend. Even to this day my feelings for you haven’t changed one bit. I know I’m not Heesung. I’m not perfect by any means, but all asking for is a chance.” You were over come with tears of happiness as Niki confessed his feelings for you. You were so confused in the beginning being that you had Heesung, but you knew the answer all along. It was Niki you were in love with. Even through all the uncertainty and confusion you put yourself through you knew it was Niki. Wasting no more time you wrapped your arms around Niki pulling him in kissing him.

“You don’t have to be anyone but you. I love you Niki.” The two of you embraced one another as you kissed each other again. Your friends watched from the sides happily as they saw the two of you finally together. You had never been happier. You knew this was where you wanted to be. You no longer felt the pain you felt from days earlier. You knew that this moment was yours. You two were meant for one another and you would never let go of one another. You were meant to be.

©️liumoonlight 2023,

[lolamarlowe65]

𝓘𝓷 𝓶𝔂 𝓯𝓮𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 //James Hetfield

“The house next door was just sold, i hope the new neighbour will be nice.”

part six of ? part five

disclaimers: smut, age gap (modern day james), slow burn shit, talk about death, cursing, smoking, probably drinking, you read whatever you want but i’m not responsible kay?

Wattpad link

࿓ 𓋪・𖧹 𖤐

Chapter 6 - Necklace

It's Sunday. I woke up with a smile today, thinking about last night. I had such a good time losing myself to the sound of the Doors. I get downstairs and my grandmother says goodbye to me.

Every Sunday she goes to her club to play games with her friends. She could not be able to walk so she'd still go do that. She says it's important for her to be able to hold onto everything. And I get it. I tell her to have a good time and she gives me a kiss goodbye.

I don't have a lot to do today. In fact, I don't have anything to do. So I decided to go back to my room to prepare my grandmother's birthday gift. It's a lot of emotions to dive back into all of my mother's pictures but it gives me some peace of mind. No matter what James said about my smile, hers was so much more beautiful. It's also nice to do my photography stuff again, I feel like I'm finding myself again.

Photography has always been a passion to me. I would organise photoshoots at the ripe age of 10. I love to take pictures of the world. Mostly when it's having fun, capture it at its rare moments of pure joy. I lost it a bit when my mom got sick. But something tells me it may be time for me to start again. Maybe it's because I'm getting my head out of the blue due to my interest in James. It's like I see some light. My brain and heart finally decided to try and move on. It's gonna be hard. I know it. But I have to keep on living.

Some hours later I'm finally done with my grandmother's gift. I put wrapping paper around it and hid it in my room. My grandma never comes to my room, she respects my privacy, but we never know.

I decided to take a walk around the hills, it might do me good to get some air. I walk outside and pass in front of James's house. I look over it while walking. Maybe I could see him. It makes me feel somehow happy to see him. I feel more comfortable towards him. I'm sorry I called him "douchebag" when I first saw his car. Because he's not.

As I pass in front of his house I notice his Camaro is outside and he is closing his front door. He cannot see me from here but I linger a little bit on the shape of his back while continuing my walk.

I arrive at the end of the street. If I take left I can get higher in the hills but I decide to stop to buy some cigarettes and a soda in the store on the corner of the street. I know the guy who owns it a little bit, so after I buy my stuff, he asks me how I've been doing.

"- Hey man, got my package?" somebody asks.

I instantly know it's James. I know his voice by heart now. It's engraved in me.

He truly has this thing for startling me. When he sees me on the side, sipping my soda he smiles. He looks like he's genuinely happy to see me. His eyes lingered on me. Mine too.

"- Oh. Hello Anna." he says, charmingly.

"- Hey Mr. Hetfield." i answer as i take a sip of my soda.

While the owner of the store gives James his package I decide to head out. It's a hot day. I don't need it to be hotter. We are just two neighbours meeting each other randomly in the local corner shop. Whatever lewd things I might have done thinking about him. Whatever thoughtful gifts he may have given me. I have to go back to my life.

"- Hey, where are you heading out?" i hear James ask behind me.

I was just out of the store, he must have gotten out right after. I turn around and put my sunglasses on my head to get a better sight of him. He has sunglasses on too. He looks so gorgeous. He has a necklace on and a simple black shirt. His belt buckle is detailed and goes so well with his style. I can't look away from his belt buckle, I must seem so weird right now. But I just want to unbuckle it. I shake my head slightly and look back into his eyes.

"- In the hills. For a walk. You?" i answer smiling.

"- I need to get something in the studio, that's all. Wanna come?" he asks.

Fuck. I want to come. I want to see where he works and with what. I shouldn't. But everybody knows I will.

"- And why so?" i chuckle.

"- And why not?" he replies quickly.

I give him a sudden laugh.

"- Okay, James, i'm coming."

I'm smiling so hard. So much. It can't stop when we talk.

He walks to his Camaro who is parked just on my side. He opens the passenger door for me to go in. How sweet he is. I get into the car and after he closes the door he bends over the open window.

"- You called me James, Anna." he chuckles.

"- No way i did Mr. Hetfield. I wouldn't." i say, messing with him.

He gave me a smile letting out a quick chuckle and got to the driver's seat. He starts to drive and some heavy metal is playing in the background.

"- What's playing?" i ask.

"- Oh. That's Black Sabbath. Ozzy era. The best." he says passionately. "These guys made it possible for us to even think about playing!" he goes on. "Children of the Grave. Awesome song."

"- I love how passionately you talk about it. I'm happy you love your work. It's rare enough to be noticed."

"- It truly is. I'm glad for all of it. Even if bad shits happens sometimes."

"- Yeah I know."

I thought of my mom. He also looks like he is thinking of somebody. He looks like a wave of sadness came over him. I know what to say to change his mind!

"- Hey James." i put my hand on his forearm, close to his wrist. "I loved your gift." i smile.

He lights up instantly. Like my words made him feel the happiest.

I suddenly understood where i put my hand. I did it without thinking. He sees that i look confused. He puts his hand above mine on his arm, still driving with the hand i'm almost touching. He squeezes my hand lightly and gives me a smile.

"- It's okay." he says to me. "I'm glad you loved it. I hope it gave you a smile." he adds.

"- More than a smile! I danced all evening in my room to the music. Having this piece of my favourite artist is a dream come true, so thank you." i say excited.

He laughs, I guess he's trying to imagine what I looked like dancing like a lunatic all evening.

He removes his hand from mine on a turn and I remove my hand too. Weirdly, I feel a bit empty. His hand. This hand. It gave me shivers. I successfully held back my thoughts for the conversation but now that we are silent again I can't help but wander. How his hands must feel when he touches your thighs. How it must be to feel it lightly choking you. How his fingers taste after he passionately fingered you. How him cupping your face with his hands to kiss you like he would die without you must feel like.

I feel the worst knowing that this attraction is most likely one sided. That i will most likely never be able to satisfy it. That i am sitting in his car, next to him, only wanting to hold him by the waist and never let go. If only he knew that the woman next to him felt lust and love towards him, would he actually be that nice to me? I mean he is a rockstar, so many of them are known to be douchebags when it comes to sex or love. I'm sure he had a lot of groupies and adventures. But would he think I just want that? I have all the respect in the world for groupies. They wanted a good time and they got it. And that's a boss move. But this is not what I want. But James seems so sincere about everything. And at the same time I don't know much about him. James and I are not possible anyway.

The car stops.

"- We're here Anna." i hear James say. "You're all red, you okay?" he proceeds.

I go back to reality. My thoughts about him made me blush so much I couldn't hide it.

"- It's a hot day. That's nothing." i answer.

"- The air is cooler in the studio. It might feel more comfortable." he replies.

How thoughtful. But James. I could be in the Arctic with you, I'd still blush. I could be in a volcano with you, I'd be red because of you.

We both got out of the car and I followed him into the studio.

"- So this is where the magic happens?" i exclaim.

"- Not only but we like this place. It's fitting us."

The studio was big. Something for renown artists. There are guitars and basses all around and a big drum set in the middle. The decoration looks bohemian. The technical equipment is pretty modern but it mixes so well with the old timey feeling of the rest.

"- And what did you need here Mr. Hetfield?" i ask him.

He gives me a glass of water. Probably because I said I was hot before. How sweet.

"- Well, miss, I needed to get a guitar. I want to record some stuff with it at my place and I left it there last night."

I walk in the studio and get to a guitar nicely put in its case. A Gibson precisely.

"- This one?" i ask.

"- Nah this one is Kirk's." he smiles.

He's lying against a table with crossed arms. God his arms. His smile. Cat and mouse. Cat and mouse.

"- Who does what in this band? If you are the singer and rhythm guitarist, then Kirk is the lead right?"

"- Right." he nods. "The Lars your grandmother was talking about is the drummer. Typical of them to be dumb." he laughs. "And Rob is the bassist. Here we are, Metallica."

"- It must be weird for you to explain that to someone, i feel like everybody knows who you and your band are." i mutter.

"- I told you it was refreshing. I feel like you can unravel who I am as much as I do. It feels more normal."

So he wants to unravel me. No. Who I am. Fuck Anna! I swear. But it doesn't make it better at all. He wants to unravel something in me. I smile and look down at a bass.

"- My grandma talked about a Cliff. Who's he?" i ask.

At this moment, I see James's smile drop. He looks melancholic. He puts his hand on his chin and I feel like I said something bad.

"- Well, if you don't want to talk about it it's okay James." i panic.

"- No, no it's okay." he says. "You should know."

I look at him with an interrogative look. I move around to lie against the table with him, ready to hear anything. I make sure he knows he can tell me anything by my posture and I smile at him in the most reassuring way possible.

"- Cliff was our bassist. Since the beginning. To me Cliff, Lars, Kirk and me were a band forever. But we had an accident on tour in 86' and Cliff is the only one who didn't make it. Rob is one of us. But I always thought it would have been the four of us."

I didn't know about that. Even if many surely already knew this story, I'm glad I learned about it from his words. Talking about death and grief is not as simple as two sentences on the internet. And I know now. What he meant by the bad sides of his career. However Cliff was like, he lost a person he was attached to. He lost a friend. And I know how it feels like.

"- It's hard, isn't it?"

Not minding, I put my head on his shoulder. He flinched due to my sudden move but accepted it. A wave of sadness takes over me. I proceed in my talk.

"- It's hard, isn't it? To lose someone you love so deeply. I used to think it would always be me and my mom. That we would always have each other. I was wrong." i pause, my voice starting to shake. "She was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago. She died two weeks ago. And now I only have my grandmother left. And I know she is not immortal. She has a fragile health. I know sooner or later I'm gonna lose her too." i tremble. "And at the end. There's you. You're left alone. You lose somebody you love and you have to keep on living. You have to do something they can't anymore and that you were doing by their side. Nothing's the same after that."

James wipes my tear with his finger. I didn't even notice I dropped one. He then puts his hand on my shoulder and grabs me tightly.

"- You are courageous Anna. You took care of your mom. And even if you know your grandmother is not eternal you stay by her side, not caring of getting hurt when she will go. Because you want the best for her. Now that takes a lot of balls."

He gets off from against the table. I forgot he's way taller than me. My head can't be on his shoulder anymore and it falls on his chest. As I find my spirits again I get my head off him. This is too much. I can't do that. When my head goes back up I notice he is staring at me. Focused on me. Studying me. We shared something so deep. We have such different lives, and he's seen more. But yet we find common paths in our differences. I'm stuck in his eyes. I know that he took in my words deeply, that they meant something to him, that he was touched just by the way he stared at me. I pass my hand over his necklace and take it lightly between my fingers. What a beautiful pendant. His eyes are almost turning black. Slowly I go up to put my hand on his cheek and all I feel is this tension. This electricity his contact gives me.

"- I'm sure Cliff is proud of everything you and the band have done. Personally and professionally." i tell him.

He puts his hand above mine. And his eyes deepen.

"- And I think you are brave for keeping on. For being here now. With this band and everything you created with it. Because you never gave up." i sweetly smile.

His breathing becomes slower and heavier as his eyes are locked with mine. My hand is still on his cheek, sending electricity everywhere in me. I want him. Now. I don't know if it's appropriate but I want him to lift me up on the table and attack my mouth savagely and passionately. I want my hands in his hair and my legs wrapped around his waist. What we just shared was so deep emotionally. I don't know if I can bare not having its physical equivalent for long. My breath is short and heavy.

His hand removes mine from his cheek and he slowly puts his two hands on mine. Grabbing me tightly, perfectly marrying my jawline with the shape of his hands, holding me like he is afraid I'm gonna disappear. His face approaches and I'm locked on his gaze.

"- Hey what's up man! Came to take the Gibson, I didn't know you were still here." a voice says.

James and I get away from each other in a hurry. I was embarrassed.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

James was about to kiss me. I know he was. And I was about to lose myself in it. So he wants me? He likes me? Does he feel the same as me? I'm so confused. I wish I had the guts to ask him so we could put an end to this game of cat and mouse. I wish he'd say I was delusional and he was not feeling the same as I do. That he has nothing to do with a younger woman like me. But in truth, I want him to say yes. I want him to say he wants me as much as I want him. Because deep down I know that's what I desire.

"- Sorry am i interrupting something?" he asks with a big smile.

He understood what was going on.

This guy has long curly white/grey hair. A naturally tanned skin and a big charming smile. Him and James handshake and I see him look at me in a questioning way.

"- Yeah man. My tranquillity." James jokes. "Anna, here's the one and only Kirk Hammett." he adds.

"- Hi Kirk." i shake his hand.

"- Oh Anna! The beautiful neighbour girl who has a thing for the Doors?" he says towards James. "Hey Anna. Nice to meet you."

"Beautiful neighbour girl" James described me like this to his friends. Or at least they think James thinks of me this way.

I see Kirk take a guitar case and get back to the entry door.

"- Well as much as i want to know more, i don't wanna see James's face anymore so bye!" kirk jokes. "I'm only kidding, we're waiting for me. I'll leave you two to your "tranquillity". It was nice to meet you Anna. Ann? See you next time!" he exclaims.

This guy surely is something. I don't have time to tell him he can call me Ann that he's already gone. I'm left alone with James again. I don't know what to do. I'm still startled about this situation.

"- Ca.. Can you take me home please James? My grandmother is gonna come home soon." i ask shyly.

"- Yea- Yeah of course." he replies.

He sounds as confused as I am.

He takes his guitar case and I follow him silently to his car. The drive is silent and I don't know how to feel. It's not uncomfortable. It just looks like both of us are afraid to say what we want. Soon after he pulls up in front of my house. My grandmother will be back in an hour. I have time to process what almost happened before she comes back.

"- Thanks Mr. Hetfield." i say, with my hand on the door handle.

"- We're back at Hetfield huh?" he laughs.

"- Told you I loved your name." i answer to mess with him.

So we're gonna play like none of this happened? It's probably the best option.

I get out of the car and close the door when I hear James ask me something.

"- Hey... Anna."

"- Yes?"

"- What do you think your grandmother would love for her birthday?" he asks. "I just wanna show her my gratitude."

My heart melts. How sweet it is from him. My grandma got his heart before I could even think about it.

"- She's a badass, I know." i joked.

"- Hell yes!"

I laugh.

"- Well, just get her a bouquet of those peonies you say she looks like. It will make her the happiest."

"- Got it miss." he winked.

"- Haha, goodbye Hetfield."

"- Goodbye Anna."

I arrive on my front porch and look for my key in my bag. Before I turn my head around looking for James. He is still there, he looks like he is lost in his thoughts. I wonder what's in his mind. I let out a sigh and put my key in my door.

Suddenly, I feel a presence behind me. Not a bad one at all. If so, it feels like James. When I see his hand passing something around my neck I understand it's actually him. It's his necklace. He then takes the strand of hair covering my ear and gets it out of his way. I feel his breath against my neck where he leaves a delicate kiss.

"- This is not a gift. This is a promise that you will have to see me again to give it back." he whispers in my ear.

I'm frozen. My breath is heavy. His kiss made me so weak. His lips were the softest things I've ever felt and I want them everywhere on me. If we weren't outside to the view of the world I would have attacked his lips and made him take me against the wall. It's not about paparazzis. I couldn't care less. But some neighbours know me. And I like to keep my life out of their minds.

"- James." i say, almost like a prayer.

"- Ssshh..." he hums. "See you next time, Anna."

࿓ 𓋪・𖧹 𖤐

A/N: I’m about to explode, slow burn is hard to hold on, shit is gonna be quicker. Anyway chapter 7 is coming soon. Love, <33

[weirdcat1213]

AJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJ HAPPY DAYS AJJAJAJAJA :D YEY TRIGUN BOOKCLUB :D

THOUGHTS :D

chap 1:

-happy days and everything is going to shit...yeap thats trigun

-i just noticed they have separated rooms and that makes me sad for some reason

-i love to see that rem was nice to everyone but was also getting annoyed by that guy, shes not perfect and I LOVE HER

-ngl, im not sure if the other guys did something

-its so cool to see the scientists joking around for a bit but then getting to see them in silence cuz IT IS a weird situation to be in. you are alone in space and something happened "on its own"..... It makes the situation more serious

-LMAO HER FACE I LOVE HER SM

-it hasnt even been that expanded in 98 (im sorry for the spoiler ig) or stampede (YET), but rem is so funny. shes more than a living saint and im glad we get to see more of her here. shes the only mom ever

-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RIGHT

-also i thought knives *fixed* the thing, i forgot he caused it lmao

-arent they adorable? :3 pls dont touch them :3

-"it could end in disaster" you dont say....you dont say....

-NOT THEM SAYING YES IMMEDIATELY I WILL CRY

-BABY KNIVES WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU (ik what happened to him)

-"if you can love someone with all your heart then its alright".........im gonna take so time to think about that cuz....yeah, i guess thats true isnt it?

-oh that doesnt age wel...not even story wise but life wise....if we could only talk with each other

-ok so...is that a fucking ghost? and if it is, did she really appear when knives's faith in humanity was at its peak? really :c?

-OH ITS MY TIME TO GET SICK :D

-OK NO THATS SO INTERESTING CUZ HERE IS VASH WHO IS CURIOUS ABOUT TESLA AND WANTS TO READ THE REPORT BUT IN STAMPEDE (spoilers coming im sorry) IS KNIVES WHO WANTS TO READ IT. DID HE LOSE THIS FAITH *WAY EARLIER* THAN TRIMAX KNIVES??? HOW TF IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?????

-great....scientific....discovery.....you say......... so the scientists were ready for another tesla situation....

-pls no pls no pls no. you teach her how to speak and then you do that shit. stop

-by looking at the pictures and descriptions we can say that the scans began on her 13th day of life (multiple scans as the chapter mentions), and 87 DAYS LATER they started to ask themselves if that was correct to do from a moral standpoint...87 days. and just after they started to question themselves she started dying. just 10 days later...fuck

-"we have no desire to rest" WHAT ABOUT YOUR "SUBJECT" THO ASSHOLES

-its never not gonna make me sick how they killed a child in 100 days. thats all it took.

-ajjjj :c im fucking sick

chap 2:

-same vash same

-ily rem but no, thats too fucked up to forgive

-knives, my poor baby :c

-"i wish i could cut myself from everything too" oh mood, i mean what

-ok but rem trying to pick vash up and he refusing has to be so fucking heartbreaking for rem cuz thats her fucking child no matter what

-imagine your child who loved you so much rejecting you like that. i would literally shatter

-"you can continue the experiments with us" vash stfu i swear. catch me actually crying over that line btw im not ok

-INTERESTING how rem says she felt powerless (and i get why) but during the whole thing the crew had so much power over her life

-it fucks me up this is a one year old trying to die of starvation. yeah he looks older and etc etc but hes still less than 2 years old. life is pain. why nightow.

-also idk if im interpreting the panel right but i think he *was* going to eat but saw rem in his room so he stopped

-or are those different days? idk

-alright, today you are eating you sick son of a bitch :]

-NO STOP THAT YOU FUCKING CHILD

-the panel being blurry on purpose, 10/10

-hes sitting the same way rem did- oh im ending it all

-i feel kinda weird saying this but i just fucking love that story: the metaphor, how she tells it. it really feels like a parent trying to teach a kid something. its sad but feels comfy. i could literally read/listen to her telling that story of the train in her dreams over and over

-[pause for crying]

-its "separated ways" cuz that talk with rem lowkey divided rem i think. knives would be way different if he had heard what rem said. damn it why did he had to faint

chap 3

-"king of loneliness" pls i want to stop crying

-i know he didnt block the memory, i feel it

-yey creepy knives is here....yeyyy....

-amazing transition btw, gives me the yibbies every time

-HES RIGHT THO MF, YOU ARE AFRAID

-why he looks so cool while being creepy stop it knives stop it

-idk if im understanding it right, but i think knives did the thing he did in the first chapter but for all ships. it comes full circle

-god i hate when hes right

-im sad to say he looks beautiful and epic. also for the life of me i could not say if that plant agreed with him or not

-yknow what i think she didnt agree to that

-age of chaos wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii :D

[i took a one day break cuz the volume made me too sad BUT IM BACK BABY]

chap 4

-yeah ig my baby has been to so many funerals if you think about it

-YEAH TO THE RESCUEEEEE

-wolfwood: you dont wanna mess with this guy he will break you

the guy in question: :c

-aw his cute little and stupid face :3

-i love to see vash having a good time :') god he needed that

-oh man we're getting sad again

-also yes they take those people who did whatever they did but the bartender is also taking vash in, even the demons get to drink there huh, nice

-why tf is this guy so wise, why is he saying what vash (kinda) needs to hear? amazing, im devastated

-wait so the feathers or whatever hurt??? because of the face he made. SO DOES IT HURT???? NO :C

-knives can you not-

-ITS HIM IN ALL OF HIS FUCKED UP GLORY :D

-SHUT UP VASH, GEESUS

-the final panel its so cute and then there's the fucking speech bubble that says "dumbass" its true tho xd

chap 5

-NOT THE FUCKING FEATHER i dont want to go there

-he looks so tired :c

-oh shit i forgot about that panel of his face wth

-OH SHIT WOLFWOOD NO

-OH THATS CREEPY AS HELL YO WHAT

-"the last thing i want to do is be a burden to him" STFU WOLFWOOD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-SHES HERE OH SHIT OH SHIT

-"youre the one who needs to be careful" I WILL CHEW GLASS

-FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

-OH GOD OH NO ITS HIM GET OUTTTT

-elendira ily sm

-thank you wolfwood for saying trans rights lmao

-HES ASLEEP. KILL HIM VASH KILL HIM

-oh no his glasses :c

-ah fuck hes awake noooooooooooo

chap 6

-LEGATO IN THE METAL HANDBAG :D WHAT WILL HE DO

-dont you bring tesla into this >:[

-idk whats happening but KILL HIM

-*sigh* i hate when knives is right

-DONT YOU DARE SAY THAT AFTER STAMPEDE MF :C "if they come for us lets just run as fast as we can" YOU ARE MAKING IT SO HARD TO READ THIS MAN

-also yey he regained his eye :3

-:cccccccccccccccccccccc im so happy that talk was in stampede

-also yeah vash hates knives with a burning passion but EVEN THEN he still was willing to give him a chance and live together with him, i cant do this anymore really

-im picturing legato kind of jumping in his metal handbag to move around as if he was in a sleeping bag cuz i think thats way funnier lmao

-:cccccccccc vash pls

-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :c his armmmm

-oh geesus oh god no OH HELL NO

-ohhhhh i see. look at legato being useful lmao /J

-THE ARK IS HERE WOOP WOOP

well that was certainly a volume

[x3kristax3]

Eternal love - Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry for such the long delay on this chapter. Between taking a break mentally on everything and getting sick I had ideas but could not right. This chapter is not exactly what i wanted for but things don't always go as planned.

Everything with Phil has been going great, it's been a fun couple of weeks going on dates and waking up next to him. I would never admit this to anyone but he is something nice to look at.  However this morning, I find myself wanting more. Phil has admitted he doesn’t want to settle down and I can’t blame him. He has a reputation to keep up in this town and as a bar owner. 

I’m home today alone and I pull out my phone. For some reason I never deleted a picture of Jake and I, you can’t see his face but I know it's him. My heart starts to break all over again. I put my phone down and go and make myself another cup of coffee trying to get my mind to focus on work.

Jakes POV: Last time I reached out to her she told me she never wanted to see or hear from me again. I can’t blame her but I have to know she’s safe. I look at my laptop and see she’s home. It's where she has been lately. I’m 200 miles away in colville to keep distance between us because if I see her face I’m going to lose it and run to her.

I take a sip of coffee as I watch my screen between tracking her and my pursuers. I’ve had little sleep but I need to make sure they stay away from her. I realized they were only close to her last time because I was so I stayed away. Everything in my heart is telling me to run to her and kiss her one more time but her safety will always be my importance. I just don’t see what she see’s in Phil still. She told me I didn’t have to worry about him and yet they are together, at least for now. 

I know guys like him, he will mess up and she will walk away. I had learned things about her and she isn’t one to give second chances. I hope I can be the expectation that once I get everything cleared up because god how I miss that smile as she looks at me with those eyes. The touch of her hands on my face that is used to being covered by this mask. She saw me and while I should be worried that someone is going to come after her I can’t let her into this life with me. That's why I ran all those weeks ago from her. I knew she would hate me for it but it was the only way I could keep her safe.

MC POV:

It’s been a couple hours and I finally got work done today, thankfully my boss hasn’t noticed me slacking lately. I keep telling myself I won’t go down the rabbit hole of finding a way to help Jake but I find myself on the dark web. He had shown me some of it when we were together so I found myself in a forum. I never post or talk to anyone but I hope to know he is okay.

I finally about to close when I see a notification pop up: “if anyone knows where Nym is or that girl he is with there is reward for him alive”

Shit, shit, shit. He’s already with someone else and they are looking for him and her. I grab my phone and I still have his number saved. I go to type something when I see he comes online and I stop. 

“No MC you are not to get caught up in his issues” I say aloud to myself. As I delete his number this time and delete the account I created in that chat form.

I take a deep breath and I call Phil up. He answers and I hear him already in the bar. “Hey love” he says.

“Hey, I was hoping to catch you before the bar opened but I guess I'm a bit late tonight.” I say sadly.

“You can always come stop by, once one of my employees comes in we can head upstairs.” I hear that sly smile of his.

“No, I should rest. Today was a rough day at work and I haven’t eaten except for drinking coffee and a protein bar,” I say with a sigh.

“I’ll make it up to you” he says as I hear him helping a customer.

‘Its okay really. I’ll come stop by in the morning tomorrow as I don’t have work.”

‘Okay see you then love, goodbye” he says as he hangs up.

“Goodbye” I say into the phone to noone.

I go and order myself some takeout and decide to do a little bit of cleaning as I throw on my favorite playlist at the moment. I hear my phone go off but I decide to ignore it. I need to stop jumping at my phone everytime it goes off. It's a bad habit I got into with Jake as I always wanted to talk to him. I hear the doorbell ring and the food is there. As I’m about to close the door a hand stops me and I see it’s Dan and Jessy.

“I tried calling you, boo,” says Dan.

“Sorry I was doing some cleaning,’ I say with a sigh as I let them in and put the food down. “What's going on?” I am concerned they are both here.

He pulls out his phone and there's a text message from an unknown sender. 

???: Tell us where nymos girl is and no one gets hurt

“I didn’t answer because I know you're not his anymore but obviously someone else didn’t get the message and you're in danger. Have you heard from hackerboy?” Dan asks.

I look at him and Jessy concerned, “no not for a couple weeks. I deleted his contact from my phone because he’s part of my past now” I say as I turn around to grab my food.

“Well someone things you're still his, MC” says Jessy.

“Well I’m NOT! I don’t care what he’s up to anymore, for all we know he could be someone new.” I yell.

Dan looks at Jessy, “what's going on? Don’t tell us anything because we know you MC.” Dan states.

“I still miss him okay! I thought he was my eternal love and he walked away from me. I thought we could work through whatever issues we had but he decided to run away instead of fighting for us. So I'm trying to do the same.” I cry out.

“Is that what this is with Phil?” asks Jessy.

“Phil is just something fun for now. There is no end game with him and I plan on breaking it off tomorrow.” I say with a sigh.

Dan comes up and wraps his arms around me. “MC, you still love him don’t you?” he asks

The tears fall and I lean into Dan’s chest. “How am I supposed to stop loving the man that my soul is made for?” I ask looking up at him.

“It won’t be easy but you will make it through I promise you.” he says.

We enjoy a night watching movies and eatting dinner while also playing some games.

I wake up the next morning and remember I have to go over to Phil’s Jessy and Dan are still there so I make up coffee and leave them a note. I head over there and knock on the door.

“Morning” he says as he answers the door in just sweatpants with that sly smile.

“Phil, can we talk?” I ask

“You're not happy are you?” he asks

“No, it was fun. I won’t deny that but my heart isn’t in it. I need more time to get over him. I’m sorry” I say looking down.

“It’s okay,we both knew this was just something fun. No hard feelings.”

“Thanks Phil, I’ll see you around.” I say with a soft smile.

[emptylittlebug]

August 19, 2024

I’m back!

I didn’t go anywhere. I just had no energy or desire to update what I ate when I had nothing to update on other than that. Sorry? Kinda?

Anyway. I did alright today. But could have been better.

I’ve started crocheting again. I’ve made about $100 of inventory for my Oct 5 craft show! I’m proud of that. I gotta keep it up.

My new couch arrived Friday… and it’s still in a box waiting on me to take my old couch down to the dumpsters.. I’m hoping I can do that tomorrow!

My desk arrived Sunday. I have yet to start cleaning my room to fit it in there….

My walkpad will be here tomorrow. I still need to clean my room…

I did make a plan on how I’m going to get it cleaned up though! I’m happy I did that. Now I can clean it in order and not get stuck. …can you tell my mental health is shit? Lmao

My kids started school last week. It’s been a SUPER nice break.

Once I get my couch switched, I’ll have my house cleaned enough to call maintenance to come fix my a/c. Thank goodness. It’s miserable here.

This weekend I’m going to the annual cookout at the campground with my whole family. I’ll hopefully get a lot of exercise in that day! Or a lot of crocheting… or both!

I’ve been cleaning and organizing like crazy this last week! I’m hoping I can keep it up. I’m actually starting to like my life again.

Oh! My mom is back on her low calorie diet after complaining that she couldn’t lose any weight on the low carb. She hates any meal ideas I have lmao. Hopefully she will just stop asking me soon!! Sunday she was showing me something she saw on facebook.. “see this picture? this guy has an eating disorder! He’s 104lbs! He sure don’t look 104… he looks bigger than that. I sure wish I could just have an eating disorder and lose weight. Damn” no the FUCK you dont!!! I completely did not respond to that comment and changed the subject. What kind of comment is “he looks bigger than that”?? I was ANGRY.

This is freaking longggg. Sorry!!!

Here’s what you came here for:

No more Dunkin for breakfast for me! The Dunkin is next door to the high school so we’ve been stopping there when I drop my son off in the mornings. I am struggling with the cals. I’m going to try to make it at home. I got super low cal creamer and sugar free (0cal) syrups.

XOXO night night

[treadmilltreats]

Why are you still sending pictures of your junk?

So if you follow me, you know that I used to write about this a lot while I was on dating sites. Then I had enough of men doing this, of men just wanting to text and never wanting to meet or men who clearly couldn't read my profile and just wanted a hook up. I took a year off of dating because I had had enough. After a year, I decided to try again. Omg! Well, things have not changed!

Men are still out here, just wanting a texting pen pal and never wanting to meet. Men are still lying and saying they want a relationship but are only looking to hook up. Men still can't or won't step up and then there are still the ones who have this burning desire to show off their dicks!

Yes, we all know about them if you are a women, the "Dick pic guy"

The guy who after a few good mornings, and how are you texts, decides out of nowhere that he must show you his junk.

And BAM! There it is, a good morning picture of his junk in what he thinks is, all of his glory. Well, after only less than a month back at dating I got not only a dick pic, I got a dick video!

We were actually going to go on a date. I texted him and said I am jumping in the shower and would text him when I was on my way.

He replied “You should send me a picture”

I ignored the comment and jumped in the shower.

When I came out of the shower, there was a message from him. He had sent me a dick video. Well, I wrote back: "At least I didn't waste my time getting ready to meet you, now lose my number." Seriously? Wtf?

Look, I get it. If this is your boyfriend or husband and you want to spice things up, then it's good, you're playing together, and it's okay. But when you just meet someone or, in my case, haven't even met him yet and then they decide to do this, It then becomes a Wtf??

Like in Wtf... is wrong with you?

Wtf...why would you think I want to see your junk? Wtf... all junk looks the same?

Or my very favorite.... Wtf... Don't send your picture of your junk to a woman who has been with a black man (It's not an urban myth!)

One guy said, "So you're assuming I have a small dick?"

I responded, "No, I no longer have to assume!"

Seriously! I am going to cut you down, insult you, and then I will send it to all my girlfriends, and we will laugh at you.

Oh yes, we all do this, and we ask all the Wtf questions to why you think we needed or wanted to see this.

Some of you should be embarrassed to send this to anyone... ever!

Some need some serious manscaping. Some are just nasty with hanging, saggy balls...Yuggh, please, it's not all that, trust us!

You've seen one junk. You've seen them all.

(Ok, maybe not..refer to paragraph above about urban myths)

To add insult to injury, this last one was while he was on the toilet first, and then he took it in the shower with him....

I'll wait till you stop laughing....

I can't make this shit up, people!

Ohhhh...like that is so sexy, in a dirty bathroom no less.

Do they think "Oh, I'm going to send this picture of my junk while I'm on a nasty toilet and this woman is going to cream in her drawers and come running over with her pants down to have sex with this sexy beast!"

Really, this is what you must be thinking inside of your pea brain... Why else would you possibly send this?

Wait... Sorry, I'm still laughing... See Mr. Dick pic, this is what we are doing... we are frigging laughing at you! This is not sexy, this does not turn us on, this makes us mad actually, that you think we must be some kind of women that after 5 texts that it would be okay to do this or that we would welcome this behavior.

Did we ask about your junk?

Did we discuss anything sexual? Did it say anywhere in our profile that we wanted to hook up? No! So where in the world did you think it was a good idea?

It's not! It never will be! So stop sending them, unless, of course, you want to be in my blog about saggy balls.

Seriously... just...just don't send them, ever!

Dating today is hard enough. We don't need to see pictures of your nasty junk that probably isn't all that when it comes down to it anyway. Let's be real. It already shows us all we need to know about you, what you want, and who you are, so I'll be betting it's all about you in bed as well...

Next....swipe left....delete.

This makes me want to go back to not dating again.

So today, my friends feel free to send this to all the men that send you these pics.

And to my guys who follow me, send it to a friend who needs help keeping it in his pants. Share it everywhere, as there are many men out there still doing this.

Speak out loud and clear and help me start my new movement...

#dontsendmepicturesofyourjunk

#Wtf

#nosaggyballs

It's okay...I'm still laughing, too!

"Be the change you want to see,"

@TreadmillTreatsCheck out my daily blogs @ https://treadmilltreats.blogspot.com/?m=1

Www.treadmilltreats.com

**Now released my latest book**

The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

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[crmsnmth-journal]

6/1/2024 9:09 PM

I'm still not really well mentally, and I still don't really want to get into the last week or so here, so I'm leaving that all on the back burner. I'm sure today was part of the reason why stuff's going the way it's going. Today was my dad's Celebration of Life. It was out at my uncles, and I ended up getting a ride with my mom's mom and dad. And it was really nice. They had a big tv playing a slideshow of pictures throughout my dad's life and put his music on, which I gotta say, dad had some badass songs for sad slideshows. Who would've thought Sheryl Crow's only good song (If It Makes You Happy) could have a whole new meaning added to it. Sherri gave me a box with a necklace in it. With a guitar charm. That was one thing me and my dad always had, music. And the charm has some of his ashes in it. It's ugly as hell, but it's never getting removed again, unless I change the chain for something stronger. She had a necklace on with a really pretty glass orb on it that had some of dad's ashes too. And then one more glass heart shaped thing that had his ashes still mixed in it and they kind of formed like a galaxy shape in the center of it. She had one other box for Alex, but he didn't show up. At least not while I was there, and I asked Sherry to let me know if they do. I love my brother, and I value the relationship it's taken us years to build, but I'm really really disappointed in him. He should've been there. I don't care if it was late or not, he should have been there. I really hope he did go, but I'm not gonna bug Sherri right now to find out. But they're were a lot of other people. Some I haven't seen since I was ten years old, and it was nice to talk to them and hear stories and all that, but I swear to god, if I hear the words "I'm sorry for your loss" one more fucking time, i will fucking lose it. I always hated that false sympathy bullshit, and I get it's the sentiment, but I cannot stand it. But I bite my tongue, shake a hand and say thank you. Because that's what's needed at that moment. It's draining. I miss my dad. Sitting around and talking, just made me think of him when he'd get into some tangent about something, and they happened pretty often. About the most random shit. For months it was those super fast RC cars, and then it was planes and then it was this and then it was that. One thing my dad had was passion. I almost look up to having that amount of passion, not just for these little hobbies, but for life. He always found joy in it, and promptly gave it the finger. My dad lived his life so unapologetically him. There will never be another person like he was. And I get it, I'm his son. Of course I have to say things like that.

I still have to fight my water heater to get good hot water. I washed the dishes by boiling water so I can save what little bit of hot water I'm able to get used for a shower. I did absolutely nothing today that exerted me in any way, but I still feel the desperate need to get clean. And without the normal hot water, I feel like I can't get clean and it's just been a frustrating few days.