#sorry this isnt my normal post stuff
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prince-jjae · 5 months ago
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missed opportunity to say snizzleman but ok.
Snail names part one
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Some are purely speculative
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thegreatyin · 4 months ago
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How did you manage to handle not one, but FOUR separate accounts in fl? I recently made the account for my HD little guy but having to do the tutorial again just seems miserable
there's... weirdly several answers to that question, actually??
a HUGE part of it is due to the way FL is structured. the 10-minute action timer is a core part of the game on a fundamental level, and the fact that i can very easily run out of stuff to do on one character and thus have an excuse to quickly and easily swap to another is just... convenient? satisfying? i'm not entirely sure how to explain it. the fact that i can make progress even while i am fundamentally simultaneously Not Making Progress is like pure dopamine for my freak insane awful little brain. there's just something really pleasing about spending all of my actions pursuing The Goal Of The Day™ on one account before casually swapping to another and doing the same without feeling like i'm wasting time or acting to the first account's explicit detriment. the downtime helps! the recharge time helps! the structure really really works!!
i'm technically only actively playing three, maybe two accounts minimum. the only reason the fourth (the one that'll be my future BaL playthrough) currently exists at all is so i can get his earlygame completely out of the way now and not have to waste time running through it all later, when what i actually want to do is play the ambition i've made myself wait a full year to play. and also getting free goodies as seasonal stuff happens,, something something surprise tools to help us later. the only two accounts i'd say i'm really "actively playing" at the moment are caeru and lark- and of the two, lark takes the most priority, since his ambition is the one i'm currently pursuing in earnest. for a couple months now- despite being My Main FL Character- the scoundrel has actually been pretty inactive on a gameplay front outside of the occasional progression in TLC and discordance content. purely by virtue of having Very little left to do outside of Very long-term grinds and vanities. they're in their "now what?" "now you can start playing the game" era. they've graduated to previous protagonist background cameo in a sequel anime series. they're like the yin FLPC equivalent of red at the top of mount silver. they're Literally just vibing rn. i only keep posting about them regardless because i'm insane and i will never ever ever ever ever let that bat go. but yeah, big TLDR, outside of doing the bare minimum to keep making waves/notability up every week, i'm not actually spending that much time on accounts i'm not currently actively interested in playing. and that accounts for way more gaming spoons than you might think.
i have a virtually lifelong history of playing MMOs, especially and specifically world of warcraft. i was born in the endless grind for useless video game pixel vanities and/or bragging rights. molded by it. you all have merely adapted to doing the same piece of content a pointlessly excessive amount of times for literally no reason besides whimsy and folly. me? i've done my time. i've served my sentence. i've spent weeks doing the original burning crusade netherwing dailies. i've devoted days to running praetorium over and over and over again, back-to-back, nonstop, long before square enix cut it in half and made it NOT take at minimum an hour and a half per run. i've perfected my silverwastes + auric basin goldfarming strategies. i've (almost) crafted dragonwrath tarecgosa's rest. i've killed the sha of anger so many times its dying scream of agony is embedded into the very fabric of my being. ""only"" doing making your name content four times over? that is nothing to me. it means nothing to me. it is so infinitesimal i can do the persuasive seduction quests in my sleep. it's not a matter of handling misery, or having the capacity, or even sighing as i remember the brass embassy raid segment of the watchful questline seriously i don't know why i keep forgetting that exists or what even is my problem with it i just am so consistently mildly inconvenienced by it and its highly specific resource requirements and it is the worst thing ever. maybe i'm just so used to the scoundrel's near-infinite money and troves of disposable items that i've completely forgotten what being poor is like. despite having done that step 3 fucking times now. ahem. anyway. i have transcended the feeble mortal bindings of my resistant-to-grinding flesh and ascended to a higher plane of enlightenment, they may call me insane but they will be the ones left laughing when they see what that "insanity" has wrought, i've usurped them, i've usurped them all-
hacks and coughs and awkwardly clears my throat. i mean. uh. um. Ahem.
the empress' court artistry + tales of the university nerfs helped too.
#and yes#before you ask#i have forgotten which account has which items/has done which content many a time#i think the most painful incident was forgetting to keep up the scoundrel's making waves while i was still playing nemesis with caeru#given that im trying to build it up to 12 and reset their specialization... that was uniquely painful#then again they have like 40 BDR so it wasnt actually that inconveniencing lmao#fallen london#ask#long post#sorry for the infodump + sudden villain monologue.#all jokes and personal accounts aside i totally get the apprehension abt doing that stuff again#it's not for everyone. not by a long shot.#im only doing this because im genuinely invested and in love with this silly little browser game#and way back when i started i made a (only half metaphorical) solemn oath to experience all of its ''main stories''#and truly see everything it has to offer#(bc i like. physically cant do hyperfixations by halves. i need to consume Everything abt the thing or i'll explode)#(and even then i'll probably explode anyway. it's either completely drop it or go All In until it stops taking up so much space in my brain#(and. given the track record. that is not happening with FL for a while yet)#but like. that isnt actually normal behavior. just. just to clarify.#from what ive seen a VAST majority of people do not go out of their way to play literally every ambition#and that is so valid. it is so overwhelming. you have to juggle so much.#you have to play the earlygame So Many Goddamn Times.#(as i said. served my time. did my sentence. i am my scars. etc etc)#the best advice i can give as someone who's so completely desensitized to that repetition it doesnt even phase me anymore?#the same advice i can stress to all FL players. legitimately just take ur time with it. play when you want to.#dont when you dont.#sometimes you have to grit your teeth and bear things. and when it comes to alts you Will have to grit your teeth and bear it all again#but the beauty of this being a game that one plays for fun is that unlike. say. crushing deadlines or annoying coworkers in real life#you are completely within your power to decide when where and if you want to grit and bear it all#..wow this is ADVANCED yin rambling holy shit. i actually reached the tag limit. i think this ask should be put on some kind of list
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vampirenoise · 1 year ago
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WHJAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT DO YOU MEAN
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that-gay-guy-from-hell · 1 year ago
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IM GONNA SCREAM
I AM GONNA GET TO SEE THE LIVING TOMBSTONE IN JUNE-!
I am going with my best friend Aurelia and dragging my 58 year-old father with me (need someone to drive since I can't and Aurelia isn't comfortable driving that far). Used to make jokes on the livestreams about dragging my dad all over the country (but we can't afford that) so I get to FINALLY drag him to a concert.
I'm gonna cry.
Genuinely gonna die. I don't think I've EVER been this excited (I was less excited about my first kiss or like any Christmases than this 💀)
Got my flappy hand fuckin rocking and pacing shit going. I'm so FUCKING EXCITED!
There's so much to do-- not really but still! I want to get an extra Kermi shirt for them to sign (since I've worn the one I own) aaaaand
I want to get a Doc and Prometheus laminated badge/lanyard thing. I don't know why my monkey brain wants that either; your guess is as good as mine lmao
Sorry for just reappearing out of nowhere again. Been busy with babysitting and whatnot--
But I couldn't not rant about this.
I'm THAT excited.
I feel like eating my wall rn or like passing out-
Also this will be my first "real" concert I've been to! There's 2 that I've gone to at conventions--one of which was an accident and was the show before the second concert I've been too.
*tenses up* I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF NOW *Slams hands down on table whole making Sr Pelo noises* IM SO HYPED
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s-ccaam-era-crepe · 8 months ago
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obsessively checking accounts that follow me/like my posts for hints of it being them bc I’m #scared & paranoid
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weirdlizard26 · 2 years ago
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so bizarre to me that my love language is apparently recording music for people. how did this even happen
#wl26#<- little weirdo#SORRY I LIKE MUSIC AND THE ACT OF SHARING IT!!!!!!!!!!#i feel rly guilty abt it sometimes bc it feels so selfish. like hi i made art and im showing it to you so you can look at or listen to it#and you might not like it but i made it for you specifically because its related to something you enjoy#but its not actually the thing you enjoy. its just something that i made about it because i also enjoy it#and im scared the ways we enjoy it are completely different which means youre gonna hate the thing i made#but i will show it to you anyways because i love you and its the only way i know to say it#n a couple of time ive wanted to write a song for someone and gotten so excited about it and then had the horrible realization that#this is so. so oddly specific to me and this is just something i do out of love for friends#and it really isnt any bigger of a deal than any other handmade gift#and i think it can easily qualify as a handmade gift even though it doesnt involve making anything with hands#except for sounds i suppose#but yeah its just something i do. but. outside of my tiny little world. writing a song for someone might seem like such a huge gesture#and i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable or have the wrong idea about me or think that im doing a big thing to get something in return#and idk why im so scared of that like ive never been in a situation where people misunderstood me like that#but i guess. the very concept of being misunderstood is so painful to me gdfkgjd#this wasnt supposed to turn into a big post sorry. just want a normal brain that doesnt make me feel guilty abt everything please#wouldnt that be so nice#this isnt rly abt anything btw i was just going through my music folder. listening to my stuff from 2018#5 years... god
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systematic-breakdown · 20 hours ago
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never understood the point in making flags for disorders
it seems like the disorders in question are something people can choose to be, or at least thats how theyre treated (and i feel like it opened the door for that "-genic" bullshit literally what the fuck is "pillowgenic" and why do so many people think they have it thats not a real thing)
people who use these flags, what part of your disorder do you take such great pride in that you feel the need to either make a flag for it or use an already made flag and post it on your social media? im a protector whos used to isolating us and keeping people as far away from us as possible so if this is a stupid question please let me know but i just dont understand why someone would want complete strangers and anyone who has access to the internet knowing all about their maladaptive coping mechanisms and trauma responses
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hailthedoll · 5 months ago
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Hiiii i love your blogs i’ve been following gaga for AT LEAST a year now and i’m so happy your back! Could you write a NSFW Euronymous hc? Anything NSFW please i'm needy.
✭ euronymous nsfw headcannon ✭
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i love you so much for one requesting and two following my page for that long. thanks bitch<3 PSA, if you do not support or agree with my post or feel the need to leave a hateful/judgemental comment kindly fuck off and move on. with much love-knotty<<<333
LISTEN
im gonna say this flat out, i feel like he lowkey is childish with stuff like this
like giggly
a friendly reminder euronymous and øystein are the same person with different personalities
so øystein
this man was BLUSHING the first couple times he saw you naked
then that turned into just staring at you in awe and he hasn't really stopped doing that since
hes gentle
hes more of a giver than a receiver imo
its easier for him to finish than it is for you and he knows this
so making you more so of a priority in his mind is the obvious choice
he wants to make sure you're okay and it feels good for you before he worries about himself
but when he does worry about himself this man is vocal
not necessarily dirty talk
more so like quiet moans, whispers, small grunts and sighs
he loves head tho
when he gets head those are the moments where he can be GREEDY
he pushes your head down, you choke
"shit sorry"
and then the motherfucker will do it again
i see him being very much into missionary
he wants to see you
how you react to things
how you're feeling
the look on your face tells him what he needs to be doing
he will go down whenever
for however long
if it takes all day he's got time
he enjoys it
is it the taste? is it your body twitching under him? is it your moans?
he doesnt know, but its addicting
and he's got that "nobody else makes you feel this way" or "nobody else can make you sound like this" attitude
that really gets him feeling some sort of way
he will practically beg for you to sit on his face
a million pleases until you say yes
and its like he's more excited for it than you are
him praising you
AGAIN not in a dirty talk way but more like
"you look so beautiful" while you are FOLDED
definitely would keep a polaroid of you(iykwim) in his wallet, hidden behind some cash or maybe behind a more appropriate picture of you
possessive in a doesn't want a threesome way
like doesn't want anybody touching you or seeing you the way he does
he absolutely loves to show you off and brag about you to everyone and hear people compliment you but he would never let it go past that
pre show sex
it may take some convincing or teasing him to get him to actually do it in public but after the first time he is all for it everytime
after show sex
if this man is wanting to fuck you after a show, he is still in this mindset where he isnt øystein, hes euronymous
and if that's case you're getting a cocky motherfucker
hes high on adrenaline
he just spent a solid what hour? two hours? listening to people cheer for him
like yeah this mans ego is FED
this is the time he'd be more aggressive
more vocal
yes ACTUALLY dirty talk
PRAISING
he is still more focused on you than himself but its closer to 50/50 than what it normally is
i think his actions are based on your likes
if you like your hair being pulled itll more likely happen when he's in this mindset where isn't himself and he's this persona
because øystein is worried about hurting you
not saying he wouldnt
im just saying its more likely when you get him out of the mindset of you being like this person he wants to love and protect
lets face it, he is a small man
he is not tall and he is not big nor buff
in his eyes hes like your protector
hes the man in the relationship
or the masculine(?) one
and that's just nature for him
so hurting you?
is the LAST thing he wants to do to you
ok aftercareeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
at home he's gonna cling to you
hug you, hold you, kiss you
you ever seen that picture where he was staring at the bird
did you see the way that man was staring at that bird?
you're the bird.
thats how that man stares at you
softly smiling, his eyes full of love
would probs just have you fall asleep in his arms
if you are not home
sly looks
smirks and grins coming your way
little whispers commenting about what y'all just did
and how nobody knows what just happened
like a proud moment
like yeah we did that
he'd kiss you a couple times
hold your hand
or just stare at you and smile
no matter who he is in that moment that man is GEEKING
HE just did the deed with YOU
how did he get so lucky
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lyrakanefanatic · 21 days ago
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things i am not emotionally prepared to see in grayson pov
this is a list from what ive seen on here too, so if ur like “oh wait i posted about that” then yesssss u prob did and i owe this to you girlies because i prob had a convo with u in the past couple hours where i went manic and freaked out over the fact that grayson was getting a pov 😊😊
• grayson finding out about gigis disappearance. it’s going to be SO messy and hes going to be so pissed at both eve and himself bc u know he loves to blame himself
• grayson observing/thinking about lyra. considering we havent seen how he loves someone romantically from his pov yet, i am SO excited to see this and also i will die squealing and giggling the second he starts foaming at the mouth at her
• grayson thinking/hearing about lyras backstory. 💔
• idek if this one will happen but considering we will get some of his povs, imagine we get a pov of him and his brothers talking about lyra and them basically teasing him about it LMAOOO WAIT NOW I NEED TO WRITE A FIC
• graysons hatred towards rohan in thought form LMAO
• at least ONE freaky thought about lyra. me and @haniya1234 were talking about this but my main desire for this is to prove that not even grayson can escape the “freaky thoughts about his (soon to be) lover” epidemic LMAOOOO 😭😭 but also they could never be worse than rohans thoughts about savvy and… um… THE DELETED SCENE
• and if the last one isnt included, i want jlb to CONSTANTLY talk about how in love grayson is with her, just in like… hint form. yk??? like i hate when authors are too forward about things i love it when stuff isnt right in my face
• I WANT TO SEE LYRA DANCING FROM HIS POV. that would be SOOOOO beautiful and intimate AHHHHHH im dead.
ANYWAYSSSSS THATS ALL, SORRY IF I DROVE U (my moots and other tig bloggers) CRAZY IN THE PAST COUPLE OF HOURS, IVE SNAPPED OUT OF MY MANIC STATE AND AM BEGINNING TO RETURN BACK TO NORMAL. THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT THIS IS MY LAST POST ABOUT THE VAULT THO. 😊😊
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mooniema · 2 months ago
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Soft dom! Se-mi headcanon please😭😭 i beg you, maybe can be sfw or nsw its up to you
꒰ა ˚₊ ✧ Soft Dom!Se-mi hcs
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₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊
featuring: Soft Dom! Se-mi x fem!reader
summary ; just some nsfw hcs
warnings ; shitty writing, I use comma based on German grammar, because my school never really taught it, nsfw, female anatomy
a/n ; I normally don't write nsfw stuff (that's the first time so I'm sorry if its bad), but I will make an exception for this cause I got the inspiration randomly, there isnt any gender specified so reader is female in my head (if you want it to be gn, just tell me and I'll change it)
Minors please don't interact with this post. I can't tell you what to do and I can't stop you from reading, but I wouldn't recommend it
Men dni
₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊
Nsfw:
She is a very gentle lover and that doesn't change in bed
Very attentive and always making sure you are okay
She watches every one of your expressions, ready to stop if you show an ounce of hesitation
She usually starts with kissing every inch of your skin, paying close attention to spots you don't like on yourself
And while she is doing all that, she whispers sweet nothings and praises
Especially when you two had your first time together, she made sure to pay special attention to every crevice of your skin
She wouldn't mind you on top of her, but even if you are, she is always in control
She'd, for example, grab your hips while you are riding her and set the pace
It's rare that she really gives up control, but she might do you that favour if you beg
She loves listening to the little sounds you make, while she is making you feel good
Doesn't matter if it's little whimpers, moans or gasps, she wants to hear then and won't let you stop yourself from making noise (unless you need to keep quiet, because you are in a risky situation)
She prefers giving over receiving and could literally stay hours between your legs
When she gives, she prefers to take her time with slowly arousing you until you beg her to go faster
She likes to have your legs on her shoulders and her hands on your hips, when eating you out
Please tug on her hair while she's between your legs, it turns her on so much
I feel like she has a tongue piercing, so do what you want with that info
If you want to go down on her, you'd probably have to ask since she rarely asks you to do so
If you go down on her, she'll have her hand buried in your hair, gently guiding your movements
She'd also never pressure you into anything and would always make sure to ask for clear consent before doing anything
She loves the idea of having you blindfolded while she pleasures you
Would prefer fingering you over using a strap on, cause she can feel you twitch around her fingers
She definitely owns at least 1 or 2 straps, that she uses on you
While she does like positions like doggy style, if you two have more rough sex, she'd prefer positions like missionary
She just loves seeing your reactions and the effect she has on you and she just feels closer to you
If your period cramps are bad, she'd suggest period sex to ease your pain at some point of your relationship
She is such a tease and if she feels mean, she'd stop you from cumming until you begged for a good time
She loves overstimulating you and won't stop until you are too exhausted to go on if she feels too energetic
She'd never do anything to hurt you. Even if you ask her to spank you, she'd be very resistant
Her aftercare is so sweet and she makes sure, that everything is okay and communicates with you about your wishes and things she could do better
Loves taking baths with you afterwards, washing each others hair and just holding each other
She makes sure you drink and rest afterwards
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periludic · 1 year ago
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" Distraction "
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Qiu and Tamarack partners with the MC for a school project, they didn't get much done (It was the MCs fault)
📌 Pairing: Step 1 Qiu/Tamarack x GN!MC (Separate)
📌 Basically just Qiu and Tama admiring the MC
📌 OLNF brain rot, I'm making an AO3 fic of this next. (Thank you to whoever commented on my last post for this suggestion)
Qiu "Autumn" Lin:
Lets be real this kid needs a lot of help with school stuff, he'd probably be decently good in school if he tried but he doesn't
And to be extra real, he picks you every time to be his partner (he doesn't have a favorite he swears)
Mrs. Murray wouldn't allow that though, "give chance to others" she says. She deals with a lot of kids complaining that "Qiu always chooses (Name)!! Thats unfair" (god bless this woman) and Qiu frowns the saddest frown whenever this happens
But whenever Mrs. Murray does allow it, you bet that Qiu has the silliest, brightest, blinding smile ever stuck on his face
He likes you a normal amount (He lies to himself)
I don't think he'd be too serious about the project, but he does contribute and help you whenever he can
He doesn't pay much attention to it either, he's just happy to be there with you
But can you really blame him for spacing out mid-conversation when you tuck your hair prettily over your ear and how you look absolutely stunning when you're focused or when you have the cutest reaction ever at getting an answer right?
No. No you cant.
He pays more attention to you than your actual project, its cute but come on.
If you ask him why he's staring, he'll probably laugh it off and scold himself, thinking it was impolite of him to do so
But he's not afraid to admit the reason to why he was staring at you!
Its common sense, you're just too pretty. He can't help himself.
If you do start stressing out over the project however, he'll offer to do the rest for you
"I'll be more than happy to!!" he says, and you know. You just know that theres nothing inside that air head of his
It might take him a moment or two or three to understand the question but its worth it
He will do anything as long as its with you
Tamarack Baumann
No Mrs. Murray, she refuses to do the project if her very best friend isnt her partner
Tamarack would absolutely riot if Mrs. Murray got in the way of you being her partner for a project
She will be using her best puppy dog eyes and pleading voice thank you very much
Its against the law to object Tamarack, Mrs. Murray should've known better
Unlike a certain someone, Tamarack actually pays attention in class, and is good at memorizing without taking notes!
And unlike a certain someone, she's not as nice when it comes to not being your partner
Mrs. Murray allows it most of the time though, since you and Tamarack are new to the town and is still adjusting.
Most of the time.
Tamarack is very biased when it comes to you and everyone knows it (she has said so herself, in front of the entire class)
With Tamarack as your partner, you can rest easy!
She remembers your lessons well, and understands the questions fairly quickly
But sometimes she just can't help but to admire you. How can she not?
She's convinced that you came straight from a fairytale book, you're just so charming and adorable it's almost unfair!
Call her out on her behavior and she'll be more confused than a very confused person
Like. Yeah?? She's admiring you?? So what?? Its the logical thing to do? Its not her fault you're gorgeous?? Duh??
She'll give you a million reasons why you're so eye catching if you're not convinced
Please stop her.
I'm serious.
She'll go on and on for hours.
--
📌 sorry if my english grammar is off <3 english is not my first language
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impperfect · 3 months ago
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Omg thank god people are finally talking about chai. I unfollowed and blocked months ago when they randomly mentioned hating anti-proshippers (sorry for not liking explicit content fetishising intentionally triggering content I guess? How dare I have boundaries.) I didn’t know about the doxxing stuff or the cub art if that’s true.
To be critical of shows like Helluva or Hazbin, you need to have media literacy and understand how the show’s portrayal of certain issues is harmful. Angel’s sexual abuse and it’s impact lost a lot of credit once it became well known that the storyboard artist was a proshipper who fetishised the abuse scenes and gets off to male on male SA. How can a proshipper understand that when they make so many angry posts taking anti’s experiences and turning it around to be like ‘you’re the bad guy for disliking proship content’. That doesn’t make any sense. They just seem like an angry person
Idrk if you want anymore asks on this I just can’t stand people like this in the critical community. Anyone can make the same valid criticisms that Chai has made on the shows, we aren’t gonna lose any valuable information by distancing from them
I completely agree. The hypocrisy is laughable.
You cannot get mad at a poor depiction of abuse while you yourself engage in fetishizing, romanticizing and normalizing said abuse (oh nooo, the three words they hateeee).
I was groomed into proshiping, i used to use it as a coping mechanism, it was a bad coping mechanism.
People shouldnt promote it as something good, because it isnt.
It genuinely warps your perception of reality and its relationship with fiction, see for example the Valentino cosplayers who sexually harass VA's and con goers for example.
They also tend to equate proshipping to dark media, which is incorrect. sure, the themes of proshipping can be in dark media, but usually its held in contempt or treated as something not to be lusted after, see the book Lolita (my favourite example of proshippers having zero media literacy is how they view this book as a romance).
I'm not into talking too much about proship shit, coz it gets me harassed and puts me in danger. I've had proshippers try to dox me multiple times and threaten me with physical and sexual violence :) /neg But I'm not against speaking up about the bullshit they try to pull. They genuinely are a cult.
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juliasturnz · 8 months ago
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“A simple call”
M.S x y/n
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🜸 - i forgot to thank y’all but oh my god? 100 followers is so muchhh! I’m so grateful for every single one of you🤍
★ - summary:
you’re having the depression loop again, all you wanna do is lay in bed and cry. You need to do it again. You just need to, luckily someone caught you just in the right time
༆ - Warnings!:
Sh moment! (Doing it!!!) mention of sh (and sh on its own), crying, depression, comfort talk (does that exist? 😭), use of y/n!!
✫彡 writers note:
This is slightly personal, I hope y’all enjoy it!
Im so sorry for not posting! School has started and I really need to focus. Trying my best to post as much as possible. ♥️
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
Your laying down in your messy bed, not normal messy with like blankets everywhere, or some clothing here and there. But your bed was dirty, dust everywhere, makeup brushes, old food. Whatever disgusting thing you could think of. But did you notice at all? No.
You have been in a suffocating loop, for what you feel like months. Everything has been more exhausting than ever, you don’t even remember what the last time you showered was. Or even brushed your hair, since you didn’t knew where your brush even is.
And most of all, you had a boyfriend you haven’t been texting at all. Reaching out to your phone was already to much to bare.
You were not new in a relationship with Matt. But it wasn’t like you have been ages with him, but you felt like all you could do is sink in your bed. And sometimes, maybe even barely get some food.
You really wanted Matt to know what was going on and help you, but you could find such a big comfort in your sad and dark feelings. You always felt like you deserved it. All of it.
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Something felt different this morning, a urge. no you have done this to much, you promised Matt to stop. this isn’t healthy. But it’ll make the pain go away, does it tho? Nobody cares. Do it.. do it.. do it.. do it.. do it..
your mind couldn’t stop racing, you felt yourself shaking, not scared. Adrenaline, am I gonna do it?
You find yourself zoning out, your mind still racing, but the urge is way to big. You need to stop your mind. You have to. Otherwise is isnt gonna stop right?
Your cold feet hitting the messy and covered floor, still thinking about every move you make. You’ve decided, you open that drawer. The drawer, your hand is shaking, but not only from adrenaline, definitely more emotions. But it’s calling your name. The comfort you didn’t knew you needed all these suffocating months, all these horrible days. This was the way.
You pick out the perfectly sharp blade, your fingers trailing the blade slightly, its perfect.
you are lumber to the cold bathroom that you remember oh so well, you aren’t gonna look in the mirror. Maybe that will change your mind, that’s not what you wanted. You didn’t wanna see your messy and ugly face either, so you just sat against the counter.
you lean your head against the cold counter top, you look at the ceiling. Still your mind racing, still the same thoughts. Everything was so quiet. Except for your mind
Frustration is coming up to you, deeply. Why are you doing this? This is the way. You’re sure. This is it right? You linger your eyes around the already healed scars, you needed more.
Finally it hit the skin, finally the voices were gone, finally you felt relieve.
Suddenly the bathroom door swings open, “oh no my baby shit.” Matt drops his stuff en runs to you to the bathroom. You are still in complete disbelief, how didn’t you hear him? This couldn’t be true, this isn’t happening.
“Oh my baby, my baby no no no no.” Matt is in full panic mode, he never had experienced you on the bathroom floor, not like this.
“H-here let me c-clean you up alright? Y- you’re gonna be okay.” His voice has never been this shaky, he’s stumbling over shampoo bottles, old towels and dirty laundry. And you haven’t been in this much disbelief. Ever.
You couldn’t say a word, not a single one. For the next 20 minutes Matt has been holding you in his arms. Warm in your fresh made bed, what he made for you. With the new stuffed animal he was going to surprise you with.
He helped you with everything, helping you get up, rinsing the mess, helping you shower. Everything you didn’t knew you needed, all you needed was him.
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Your laying down, staring at the ceiling. You didn’t felt relieve, not a little bit. All you felt was guilt and shame. You didn’t want Matt to find you like this, that was the last his beautiful soul deserved.
“How are you feeling pretty.” He was cleaning your room, he did all this for you. You couldn’t believe it.
You didn’t know how to answer, so you just didn’t, Matt turned his face around to face you. He comes up to you, joins you in the bed. And hugs you tighter then ever.
He gives you a slight kiss on your head. “You know, you don’t have to say anything. Just know I love you in any way.”
Your laying hopeless curled up in a ball underneath his warm and comforting arms, this was all you needed, a simple call.
⤹ ᰔᩚ
I’m sorry this is so heavy to take on, + sorry it is this short. I just felt this was the right ending. I’m so grateful for each one of y’all, please remember my dms are open!
٠ ࣪⭑ tags! 🏷️
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weirdlizard26 · 2 years ago
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I NEED A LITTLE HANDHELD SYNTH SO FUCKING BAD!!!!!!!! PAIN AND AGONY
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xx0acidicorchid0xx · 8 months ago
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some notes on wolverines (mustelidae) and Logan
cause new hyperfixation (its been goin on since a few weeks ago). gonna preface this by saying i have only seen the first x-men movie, and whatever else i found on tiktok n tumblr through my hyperfixation hoarding, so if anything is wrong or actually canon (or not canon) I'm sorry
notes under cut:
wolverines, while technically weasels, theyre the largest terrestrial weasel, and can weigh 26-50lbs.
Logan, is 5'3, but weighs at least 300lbs due to the admantium skeleton (195lbs without, meaning this small furry smelly man is just pure bulk)
wolverines are muscular n stocky and have thick fur (also waterproof n oily to prevent frost n such in them harsh canadian forests), are native to canada but can be found in similar environments, and are described as lil balls of violence and are extremely territorial around their food, family, and themselves (only out of necessity in order to survive the winter wastelands they live in). they also lack social skills and pack behavior like wolves
Logan, hairy beefy man, born in canada, described as an asshole, is violent n aggressive, but also severely traumatized. now with the fur, wolverines are nicknamed skunkcats because of how much they reek (they also mark whatever carcass they stole or found so nothing else can take it from em or where they buried it). if Logan (who canonically reeks) has waterproof n oily fur, it must be real difficult getting him to shower (not to mention he doesnt like getting wet) and also the water will not be able to get to his fucking skin because hes built to survive canadian woods.
wolverines are also commonly found in trees, as they use the height to locate prey and eventually pounce onto said prey
from some of the panel screenshots ive seen, Logan isnt unfamiliar with climbing onto trees
wolverines have been known to take on animals 3x their size, such as fuckin Moose, polar bears, elk n caribou, etc etc (only difference here between the mustelid and Logan is that there is no known attack on a human by a wolverine).
while wolverines have semi-retractable claws, Logan's claws are fully retractable. they (both the animal and Logan) have huge paws/hands, for the animal, its to prevent sinking into the snow
along with the thick waterproof fur and stocky build, theyre latin name gulo basically means glutton, so they have to eat a fuck load in order to maintain their body temp (usually they just eat their weight or very frequent small meals, but larger stuff is common), also theyre carnivorous but will eat anything they can find or kill, usually carcasses from avalanches n such, aka opportunity eaters
i have heard that Logan eats a shit ton, especially meat, but only large meals when alone, and small meals more frequently at the mansion. with the body heat thing, it must be super hard for him post-adamantium to keep his body temp at a normal range without literally sitting in the sun all day.
despite the aggressiveness they develop in the wild, when domesticated (which ive heard/read is super easy than you would think), they become very attached to one person, who usually is the trusted handler. they exhibit very cat-like behaviors, except wolverines actually like being picked up and wearing harnesses, they also like pets (but again, the trusted handler thing). they can become calm when hearing a high pitched obnoxious voice, and can go into a kind of trance when their gums are rubbed.
not sure about the cat behaviors n harnesses n other shit for Logan, but with the voice thing: Wade. thats all i really need to say about that
wolverines are naturally polygamous, but do come back to the female every so often to help raise the kits. theres a video of a wolverine male leaving out a moose leg near a female's den so she can have something for the kits to eat
this man gets passed around the x-men mansion like coleslaw at a southern get together dinner, aint no way hes monogamous. he does worry about the women he basically adopted and raised (rogue, laura, jubilee i think, yukio?,, i cant name any others but theres several)
wolverines also have the ability to smell a frozen carcass from over a mile away (and lemme tell ya, unless you have an excellent sense of smell, frozen anything doesnt have a smell except sharp)
this man can canonically smell emotions, and be able to tell the difference between Mystique and Storm just from smell Alone.
wolverines are very vocal, usually this kinda snarl/snort/growl/mumbling/chuff sound
not sure about comic Wolvie, but Hugh Jackman (and Logan, obviously) does snort n growl n roar n other shit like that
wolverines' mating rituals often include fighting multiple times, and mate Only after the female is confident in the male's fighting (males who return several times are more likely to mate than males who only fight once or twice) and that the female doesnt submit too easily. this is so the female and male can ensure the produced kits are strong enough to survive
self explanatory, minus the producing kits (that i know of)
also fun lil fact, wolverines' back molars are rotated at a 90 degree angle, so they can gnaw through bone easier (supposedly this is a common trait for mustelids)
not sure about sideways molars, but Logan does canonically have longer, more animalistic canines
most of my notes and how i worded some stuff is taken from wolverine expert Steve Kroschel, and tumblr user @/icarusredwings, as they have Amazing notes and headcanons on wolverines and Logan
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dragonstailbutch · 10 months ago
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Hey sorry i am trying to like. find examples of what you mean when you talk about mra stuff and (trans)misogyny in forcemasc content and tumblr search has betrayed me once again, can you explain?
(sorry I normally wouldn't ask but I wanna make sure I'm not perpetuating anything!! Also fucking tumblr search!!! it is ridiculous!)
so ive been sitting on this ask for months since ive got it. i want to do it justice and try to take it at face value that its being honest in asking.
The thing is, theres this trend and a weird amount of effort to be like force femme, to be forceful and like its something to fearful of and give in to. But we cant do that, cause all that does is reinforce the idea that being a man is a toxic thing. I saw this post the other day where a transman talked about like, the whole "raised as a weapon" thing, the violence and horror of being a man and raised that way versus how they felt growng into it as a transman. How they wanted to reclaim that phrase or something? i could be misremembering.
But that was never the intent of forcemasc. It wasnt actually about being a dude, literally *forcing* someone who was unwilling into masculinity, none of the posts that i made that started the community (and yes i, a transfem butch woman, started and made this community and some of yall need to get over yourselves) were ever about that, it was intended to be a soft mimic or even a call to forcefemme.
i was all about making it soft and tender for a reason, cause if i didnt i was only reinforcing the toxic masculinity narrative, "men fighting in the mud" "men are dominant and cool" " to be a man is to be forced into masculinity and to be disgusted with the feminine" or whatever. When masculinity isnt about just men, and being butch isnt just being masculine. masculinity should also be sensitivity, not domination. i wanted it to be better, show a better side of what masculinity could be, what being butch is.
Ive spoken before a bit too, about the tags people used and added to forcemasc, and really maybe i was wrong in ever naming it forcemasc. people used and still use tags like autoandrophilia, autoandrophile, androphile, autogynephilia, androphilia, and autogynephile. Ive seen so many people with urls and tags and posts calling themselves transandrobros, literally calling themselves MRAs, as if that was something to be proud of, as if they dont understand that they arent fighting for their and our rights, they're fighting for cis-mens rights by using those names and terms, not transmascs/transmens rights. I can understand ignorance, but weve talked about how the words you use have history, especially those like the tags i mentioned and androphilia and androphobia and others, all of them have roots in deeeeeeeply misogynistic and transphobic people and history.
Literally all of these are awful and are phrases that arent and wont be reclaimed because theyre history is one of pain and hurting trans people, one of coercive 'help', literal forced detransitioning and reinforcement of MRA and terf narrative that men are both good and the worst creature alive and that to be a woman is to be disgusting and the purest thing all at once. That to be a transwoman is sick and we shouldnt be trusted.
Im trying to be very kind, not scream and rage, not because i dont desperately want to, but because if i do, as a butch transwoman, ESPECIALLY cause i claim being butch, people wont listen to me no matter how much of what i say is meaningful. one of the reasons why im doing this NO, instead of in anothr day or two, is that im coming to terms with the fact that the situation will just get qorse, not better without words.
Part of why im still sane is that ive gotten a couple asks here and there about how my posts and creation of the community has helped them and its so wonderful to see that, genuinely so amazing to see people recontextualize and love themselves. its wonderful and im so fucking happy about it.
i personally made this space so i could love myself, who i am as a trans person and my body, and i knew that other people needed and wanted that for themselves too and i wanted to help, share this love with more people. That to be hairy and chubby and masculine and butch was a nice thing. But to me it feels like it was coerced into being a thing for Men. A thing no longer for me or people like me who share the butch culture and name to no longer enjoy cause people unfamiliar with kink and tran history have decided that masculinity and butchness are the exact same thing. Id say people should go be a bear, but you wont learn their culture either and thats cruel and insulting to bears.
We deserve better You deserve better. Stop falling for the lies and hate. We beg you
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