#sorry mother my autism is too strong

[hiyo-xn]

having the blacklist as one of my little special interests, annoys my mom cause i like watching an episode or two at night before i go to bed and im on my 4th rewatch😔

im sorry mom i just love the blacklist so much

its just so good. and shit too but whatever. there was some definitely some interesting parts to the show but awesome and good parts too.

its weird to watch that new show "Doc" and see the actor who played siya malik on there LMAOO

it also lowkey sucks having the blacklist as my special interest because nobody my age has heard of it😭 UAGGHH its lowkey niche if i can say that and i wish more people knew about it. i need more fan media PLEASEEEE🙏😭 i need more dembe art 🔥

[the-whispers-of-death]

Shelter Me, Please

Pairing: John Price x GN!Reader Summary: A thunderstorm is starting and Reader needs comfort from the sound of thunder. In their attempt to find shelter from their growing panic, they stumble into a certain captain's office. Word Count: 1,152 words Content: Fluff, Price being so soft he might be a little ooc, desi!Reader, autistic!reader, fear (but not graphic), an alarming amount of petnames (sweetheart & darling). Author's Note: I got up and out of bed while trying to sleep at midnight to write this, because the Price brain rot is real. I love him so much.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

You shuffled inside the base alongside several other soldiers as thunder boomed, your brown skin starting to get wet from the light drizzle that was no doubt about to get heavier. It was the start of one of the rainiest days of the spring in the UK, and you hated it.

The base was abuzz as other soldiers meandered in the hallways, talking with their friends as they contemplated whether or not this thunderstorm would be bad enough that the higher-ups would cancel any upcoming missions until the rain died down. It was all everyone could think about: whether or not their new missions would still continue.

Well, everyone except you.

You couldn’t think about missions or how long you all were practically forced to be inside for. Your thoughts were on the thunderstorm and how you’d have to get to your quarters quickly so you could hunker down in preparation. 

It came to no surprise that soldiers had an aversion to thunderstorms, the thunder reminding them of battle. But you? You always had an aversion to it, even before your enlistment in the SAS. You hated the rain with a passion, thunder even more so.

You were always more sensitive to loud noises than your peers, more sensitive to smells and textures too. It was unexplainable, the way some smells made you gag and the way some textures made you recoil with disgust. It took until your enlistment for you to finally be diagnosed with autism, explaining much of your… quirks, as your mother liked to call them.

So yeah, you weren’t very excited at the prospect of the rain and the thunder, you knew yourself well enough to know the sounds of thunder was going to be hellish to weather through.

An extremely loud crack of thunder echoed throughout the base and shook the building, sending you stumbling almost blindingly to the first room you could get to, your intention of heading to your quarters being shattered among your sudden panic and need to hide. You hit your side against the wall as your hands shakily turned the doorknob, opening the door to what you hoped would be salvation.

You were hoping to stumble into a supply closet, somewhere empty and not currently in use. Instead, you embarrassingly stumbled into your captain’s office where Captain John Price of the Task Force 141 was currently sitting at his desk, working.

“Sergeant? What’s going on?” Price’s gruff, but gentle voice soared through the air and into your ears, very briefly soothing your panic until yet another thunder boomed throughout the base.

You whimpered, the panic that came with the thunder and the fact that you’ve secretly had a crush on your captain for quite a few months now, sending you shuffling further into the office. “I’m sorry, Captain. It’s the thunder… I was hoping to go to my quarters, but—” Your words were cut off by another bout of thunder, this one closer now.

Price stood up from his desk and opened his arms when you scrambled towards him, his strong arms wrapping gently around you, cradling your trembling form. “Shh, sweetheart. I’m here, you’re safe,” he murmured, pressing the softest and gentlest kiss to your forehead, the scruff of his beard against your skin a feeling you’ve been longing for, for months now.

“I’m sorry,” you repeated, your heart racing as you grew so flustered from the way you were trembling in his arms and from how much you had yearned to be held by him just like you were being held right now. “I know you didn’t sign up for helping me through this right now.”

“Don’t apologize, darling.” Price’s large, calloused and warm hand reached up to gently card his fingers through your black, curly hair. He leaned down, nuzzling his cheek against the crown of your head. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than here, making sure you feel safe. We’re a team, we look out for one another.”

Ah, yes. He was just doing this out of the goodness of his heart, because he thought of you as just a member of his team. It was almost comical how easily you had fallen down the line of thinking he might actually reciprocate your romantic affections.

You nodded your head, burying it into his broad chest. “Right,” you said, your voice slightly muffled. “We’re a team.”

Price frowned and even though you couldn’t see it, you could feel it in the way he tilted his head down at you. “Hey now, what’s up with that tone of voice, sweetheart?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Captain.”

“You sounded dejected, just now,” Price insisted gently but firmly, his blue eyes full of concern as his eyebrows furrowed. He thought for a while before it finally dawned on him. “Oh, darling, I didn’t mean it like that.”

He tilted your head up gently so your brown eyes were now looking into his blue ones. “When I said we’re a team, I didn’t mean to say all we are is just team members.”

Just as you were processing his words, another boom of thunder resounded, making you squeeze against him further. He tightened his hold on you, a soothing rumble emitting from him in an effort to calm you back down.

“I’ve seen the way you look at me, Sergeant. The way your eyes can’t seem to look away from me, the way you hang onto my every word.” He leaned in close, his breath hitting your cheek. He was somehow soothing and alluring all at the same time. “I feel the same way, sweetheart. I can’t get you out of my head and I want to take care of you, love you.”

Price visibly gulped, his Adam’s apple moving up and down as his warm hand rubbed your back in a calming manner. “I’m sorry, this isn’t the appropriate time to confess my feelings, you’re flustered by the thunder. But I couldn’t let you continue thinking I don’t feel the same way.” He pressed another gentle kiss to your forehead.

You were speechless, unable to form a coherent sentence between the sound of the thunder and his confession. But you found yourself clinging onto Price, not wanting to let this shift in the relationship fade away like some dream.

You took a deep breath before saying, “When this thunderstorm is over and we have some free time… Perhaps we should go on a date.”

Price chuckled, his own nervousness melting away. With his arms still wrapped around you, he nodded and moved towards the couch in his office. “Deal, darling.”

He settled onto the couch with you in between in his legs, his warmth seeping into you and making you almost forget the thunderstorm raging outside. “For now, though, let’s just get you through this storm. Don’t worry, I’ll be here beside you the entire time. I’m not leaving.”

Reblogs are welcomed & appreciated!

[halfgood-halfbad-badboy]

Disclaimer: this post isn’t me trying to spread information about Thomas, only my personal feelings. This post purpose is to get advice for me and maybe other fans of the show.

So for the last few days I’ve been stalking a few accounts talking about Thomas, and honestly the more and more I learn about him is making me really queasy. I looked up to him for a very long time as “one of the safe YouTubers” (I now know that wasn’t very smart on my part) and I honestly don’t know what to do.

Sanders Sides helped me through a lot of stuff. It’s helped me with my anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and that tiny cop in my head trying to police me. The fandom especially has helped me get through some very tough times like dealing with my abusive mother, bullying in school, COVID, and crushing loneliness in college. Hell my old therapist kept notes on the show because of how much I talked about it.

TSS is my main creative outlet. It’s inspired lots of original characters, rps, fics, and this blog. (For some reason I struggle to write fics that aren’t tss related?? The autism is too strong.) TSS has helped me make pretty much all of my online friends and in general is one of my main sources of comfort.

Anyways I say all of that because I want to get others opinion. Should I continue this blog? I don’t want to promote someone who turns out to be a huge dick. I feel weird rebloging fan art or getting excited talking about the show knowing Thomas is being silent on everything. He’s very obviously chronically online so I know he’s seen the post made about him.

(Sorry this post is messy I’m like. Really upset lmao)

[altschmerzes]

if anyone has cats they would like to send me pics of i would appreciate that a lot i am having a very very fucking weird one right now and don’t really know what to do with myself.

the short version is: my dad died today. the long version is..... probably an absolutely ridiculous overshare but. like i said. don’t know what to do with myself so i’m just. idk im talking out loud i guess, putting this Somewhere. it’s. heavy, sorry.

so the post i made recently celebrating seven years going no-contact with my abusive father who kind of ruined my life in a lot of really serious ways i am likely never really going to completely recover from? yeah. he had a stroke earlier this year that sounded like it was pretty serious and that was a lot to process and then i just got the call from my mom that he had a heart attack while fishing with a friend this afternoon and died. apparently it was fast, which is good. he was fifty-five and i guess he’d just hit two years sober.

my mom sounded really upset on the phone, and i guess she’d only found out less than ten minutes before she called me, she just told my sister, who lives with her, and my sister went off to take a shower (read: have a breakdown in the shower), and then called me immediately and said “your dad died” as soon as i answered with a hey, what’s up. they’d been divorced for twenty years and he was a fucking bastard but i guess your ex-husband and your kids’ dad who you’ve recently been reconnecting with and spending time with again dies and you’re probably gonna have some strong feelings about it. my sister is in pieces, they’d reconnected and were spending a lot more time together. in their text they said ‘i barely got any time with him and i’m fucking heartbroken’.

and because he has no other living relatives my 23 year old sister who is uh, in a fragile state on the best of days, is gonna have to deal with all of the paperwork and shit that happens when someone dies. and my sister and i’s relationship is like.... it’s complicated, to put it politely, they are very hard for me to be around for a lot of reasons, but i wouldn’t wish that on them and i wish i was able to take on that stuff if only because i’m almost through law school and i’m the least emotionally invested in the man and it just would be easier for everyone if i did the paperwork and whatever.

and then there’s my brother, because i have a brother, who i barely talk about because it hurts to think about him. he’s nine years older than me and he’s my half-brother by my dad and after my dad went to prison on drug charges i didn’t see him for thirteen years. and then a long time after a brief visit too. he’s got two kids now, and for a while there we were in sporadic contact, but i haven’t seen or heard from him since i was maybe nineteen. and my mom was just kind of rambling on the phone about how she had to find my brother’s mother’s contact information because someone had to tell him and because i’m all the way out here and i can’t DO anything else i told her i’d find her and tell her what happened and get everyone’s contact information for whatever’s coming next so. now i’ve texted my brother, who is a living wound in my life, for the first time in like six years. he hasn’t answered yet and according to his mother he’s ‘devastated.’ so.

i’m not. i’m not devastated. i don’t know what i feel honestly. once i tracked her down on facebook and dealt with all of that i just sort of sat at the kitchen table and stared at the wall for a long time. listened to the mountain goats song ‘pale green things’ and drifted in a weird numb void. i’m not.... sad. not about him anyway. i don’t know what i am. i have a very difficult time articulating my feelings on a good day, fuck i mean i have a hard time identifying my feelings on a good day. some combination of autism and cptsd and the sense that if i have feelings someone is going to die, maybe me, maybe someone else. if i have feelings, i get someone killed, is the thought process, which is a long story but. is extremely hard to work around, especially when i don’t see the point because taking active steps to make my feelings known and make them something someone else has to deal with is like. what’s the point. why do that.

so i don’t know what i feel. i feel strange and distant and not-sad and kind of angry at my sister and brother for some fucking reason and guilty and resentful and relieved. there’s some relief in there i think, because it’s like. i don’t know. i had the thought earlier, ‘oh thank gd’ which is. it sounds heinous but i now i’ll never have to choose between attending my sister’s wedding and not having to see him there, if i go back to my hometown and feel like there’s a monster stalking me from the shadows i can just tell myself the fucking monster’s fucking dead and he can’t ever hurt me again. nobody in my family is ever going to be able to pressure me to just talk to him already, just move on and let it go. reconcile, forgive, get past it.

(i don’t know how much any of them know. i have never discussed this with my parents or my sister and i never plan to. we’ve talked about some things in vague euphemisms and talked around it even more. when he got out of prison and then when he was done stalking us which he did for a while and got some help i guess and was doing a bit better my sister wanted to reconnect with him and i didn’t. i had panic attacks, i was terrified, i didn’t want anything to do with him and i didn’t want my sister anywhere near him and i remember all my mom had to say to me about that was ‘if it makes you feel any better, i could take him.’ i don’t know what to... i just don’t know.)

i dunno. i don’t know. when i visited my hometown and stayed at my parents’ house (my grandmother’s house, when i say ‘parents’ i mean her and my mom generally) i slept with a knife on my bedside table and a plan of how to get out the window because i’d heard that he’d started dropping by sometimes and i was too scared to sleep otherwise. he terrorized me. i have very few memories from before he went to prison and most of them are of being terrified for my life. of being chased through the house, staying above the garage because for some reason we couldn’t be in the house that night. sexual abuse that i can still barely handle thinking about. he haunts my nightmares regularly, even though i haven’t seen or spoken to him in seven years, didn’t see or talk to him very often before that. i have panic attacks in my sleep dreaming about him, enough that i have to be medicated for it.

he’s a person who was deeply troubled and sick and suffered unimaginably in his life and it’s just.... i know all of that and i just. i don’t know. i hope he’s at peace i guess. i know he never was when he was alive. i know i’m not at peace most of the time, largely because of the shit he did to me. i don’t know. i don’t know. my dad’s dead.

[glorioustidalwavedefendor]

This is so informative!!!

Your welcome <3

Yeah a lot of my stuff was missed because I was twice exceptional at school. My disabilities made me look like a really good student and hide them. Though my lack of having to do work and study made me struggle later on. I started off with straight A's and ended up average and struggling in school by the end,

Story as old as time :-(

I heard from so many gifted kids that they never learned how to study becasu ethey didn't need to ... until they did ...

It doesn't really help that you have both ADHD and ASD since they tend to balance each other out (same as ADHD and anxiety or ADHD and deperssion ... ) -- not enough to not struggle, but enough to, on the outside, seem just mostly normal (and maybe lazy) enough to not get either diagnosed ...

*sigh*

I personally wasn't exceptional at school, just average

With horrible spelling, massive trouble at math, and constant chaos

But I managed

There where kids in my class that had overall much worse grades

So idk ... I guess everyone just shrugged, decided I wasn't good enough to invest in me and not bad enough to need help and that was that *shrug*

plus I was starting to be aware of how much I wasn't like other people and how much my social needs weren't being met as a loner and weird kid.

Deffinietly

That's why I love the uggly duckling

It's such a nice tought to one day find out what one is and find ones own people :-)

Becasue yeah, I make a pretyt shity duck, no matter how hard I work

But I am not a bad penguin XD

-> Deffinietly not a swan though XD

Even though my mother had diagnosed ADHD and likely autism and definitely dyslexia, she was just happy that she had a kid that wouldn't be picked on for "being stupid" like her and unfortunately that made her, and everyone else, miss that I had them too.

Same here

I am so sorry :-(

My mom didn't have any official diagnoses, but she did suck in school and now that I have my diagnosis I am relatively shure that she has at least ADHD and dyslexia as well ...

SO wenn I had the same problems she just thought:

"Well, I shouldn't have had kids. I was a dum dum so obviously my kids would be dum dums ... "

And that was it XD

She DID notice that something was wrong with me wenn I was still little and did drag me from psychiatrist to psychiatrist

But they all decided I was perfectly fine *eyeroll* and my mom was just hysterical and wanted attention ...

*sigh*

You are so so so hot for all this.

Thank you <3

This may be annoying people with me re-blogging back and forth

Hey, your blog your rules XD

but this is shit that people need to read.

I am just giving back XD

I only got my diagnose beacsue of tumblr

Like I would never have thought I had ADHD

But I read the posts and then I thought maybe I have it?

And then I did some free ADHD tests on teh internet and though maybe?

-> there are some where you have to sign up but at least back then there where some that where free and imidiate

And I got that book "driven to distraction" and I thought I will highlight everything that happened to me too, or that I can identfy with

By teh end the whole book was mostly green and so much shit in my live suddenyl made sense

And I was so angry XD

But I also had enough "amunition" to get my official diagnose :-)

Thank you so very much random person. 😁

You're very welcome

Saddly I dodn't really tag my posts (the ADHD chaos is strong with this one), so looking for ADHD on my blog will give results but there is no rhyme or reason to it XD

But here is some stuff that might be helpfull

This is girl/women focused stuff, no sure if you will find it helpfull (I saw in your bio you use she/her/they)

But I am just gonna share it, in case you do

And this is a very god lecture (it's where I heard about "driven to distraction" I think?)

I started to watch it becasue I saw a post (this one) on tumblr where he talks about teh fact that ADHD kids have no friends and why and I felt like he was describing my childhood ...

It's what realyl made me wonder if I have ADHD

Becasue everyoen always talks about the hyperactivity and teh distractibility

But few people talk about teh socila isolaton ...

This is teh first part

The whole thing is realyl long but really good IMHO

I dodn' agree with everyting but it's very informative

few ... long post

sorry XD

Hope some of it is helpfull :-)

Oh wait

This one is also good

love Luigi Mangione looking like peak health with gnarly fucking back pain. it'll probably fly over so many people's heads but it's just great to see perfect examples of "looking healthy" don't mean Jack fucking shit especially in a shitty healthcare system.

because no one says it aloud but subconsciously everyone thinks you deserve bad health, that bad health is a punishment, that bad health is consequences that you brought upon yourself.

[missmeganlee]

The Parentification of Simon Eriksson

Fair warning this is gonna be a sad post (it's my brand at this point lol), I'm sorry besties.

Parentification: the process of role reversal whereby a child or adolescent is obliged to act as parent to their own parent or sibling

The parentification of a child often occurs when the child's physical and/or emotional needs are not met because a parent has a physical or emotional impairment such as:

The parent has an alcohol or substance use disorder.

The parent or a sibling is disabled or has a serious medical condition

The parents are divorced or one parent has died.

The parents are immigrants and have difficulty integrating into society

These are not all of the ways parentification of a child occurs, but they are reasons why Simon's parentification happened. Micke abuses drugs and alcohol. Sara has ADHD and autism, and was bullied because of it. Linda got divorced from Micke (and not soon enough according to Sara). It's not confirmed that the Erikssons are immigrants, but they are Latinx living in a predominately white country, which is not easy. And from where we meet Simon in s1, it seems like he had to pick up the pieces of his family from all of these events and make them whole again.

There are two types of parentification: Instrumental and emotional.

Instrumental parentification happens when parents assign their child responsibilities that aren’t age appropriate. We can see this happen with Simon when he's the one finding ways to pay back his tutoring bill. Yes, Linda did question Simon how they were going to pay for it, but we never saw her act further in finding the money to pay Hillerska. We can also see this when Simon goes out to the store in e6 to buy milk, although Linda and Sara are home. An argument could be made that Simon insisted that he go out himself to get it, can't hide from the world forever, but I think that reasoning goes back to him feeling the need to be strong all the time.

Emotional parentification occurs when a child moves in to fulfill specific emotional needs of the parent. The child is expected to figure out the emotional needs of the parent, to respond to the need, and to provide support. I see this a lot in how Linda really leans on Simon to "deal with," for lack of a better word, Sara's attitude. I think this is most obvious in the big fight that Simon and Sara have in e6. It's Simon scolding Sara for her attitude and disrespect towards Linda, instead of Linda herself. And it's Simon who's consistently calling Sara out for the rude things she says. I do not remember a single time when Linda directly confronted Sara about her attitude and the way Sara speaks to her. My mom would never let me get away with talking to her in the way that Sara talks to Linda. It's like Simon is doing all of the scolding to somehow protect Linda from the hurtful things Sara says. Because he couldn't protect her from Micke (just theorizing)

There is also parent-focused parentification or sibling-focused parentification, meaning that a child becomes the primary caregiver for a sibling who is sick or disabled instead of acting like a caregiver to the parent(s).

I'd say that this is where we see parentification the most with Simon. He acts like Sara's older brother and protector, although he is the younger sibling. Yes, siblings should look out for one another, but I think the line between siblings and caregiver is blurry in this instance because of how Simon not only acts as her protector, but also as her critic or judge (for lack of a better word) with how he reprimands her.

Parentification can cause stress, anxiety, emotional detachment, disruptive behaviors and much more in a child.

I hope that in season 2 we see Linda step up as a parent, so that Simon has one thing less to worry about. As great of a mother as she is, always supporting her kids, physically being there for them, and taking cues from them, I think she can take on a more active role as a parent. I think she leans on Simon too much for certain things that she really should be dealing with instead of him.

I know we talk a lot about how Wille has the weight of the world on his shoulders in this fandom, and rightfully so baby's been through a lot, but I don't think we put enough focus on how much Simon has been through as well. They both carry the weight of their own worlds on their shoulders.

[autisdicksimmons]

I could literally talk about all of Simmons’s body issues for hours (no I’m not projecting ahaha) but yes he’s trans and struggles with disordered eating and he’s trans and he’s autistic and all combined those things give him a super hard time enjoying functioning as himself especially in body-related ways (these thoughts are gonna be disjointed deal w it sorry dude)

But like, the way that he gets after Grif when it comes to food, and drinking, and smoking, and everything else? Yet despite this, we know that he has quite the self-destructive streak (crying and punching mirrors) which makes him a huge hypocrite— so why get after Grif like that? One could say that it’s because he has his body parts, but that can’t be all true because he’s still getting mad at Grif before the surgery, so it’s just things that he finds inherently undesirable traits— traits that have anything to do with a lack of self control, which Simmons believes himself to have. Not to mention the fact that he doesn’t seem surprised at all when Sarge uses withholding rations as a punishment— so either A. Sarge does that a lot, which could be true though we never see him do it after season 1 B. He’s accustomed to this as a punishment.

I think B is most plausible, given Simmons’s general demeanor and upbringing. He gets mad at Grif for not doing anything to earn food, then “overindulging” anyway, where Simmons views food as just that: something to be earned. Likely he was sent to bed without supper as a punishment as a kid, or forced himself to study through meals or similar behaviors at the very least. In my own mind it goes further than that, but his relationship with food is definitely complicated (especially with his mentioning going vegan after having to eat a dog at a previous outpost??? Holy shit that’s a trauma). Especially being trans (bc he is) even though he speaks far more positively about his mother than his father, the way that body issues get passed down from mothers to their afab children? Even if it wasn’t an intentional thing on his mothers part, those things are too easy to pick up

More on the having to eat the dog thing too, that history of food insecurity/starvation, plus being generally food anxious, is definitely something that lends itself to rationing and portioning and keeping their stock organized… which he does. And then consistently gets mad at Grif for eating more than his planning has allowed for. What’s one of the first things we learn he’s been doing in season 11? Growing fucking cabbage. Which, for one, how, but also the fact that he’s the only one of them to do something like that says a lot about who he is. Stupid, anxious about food, and resigned to the fact that no one is coming to get them (or at least planning for that scenario).

Not to mention, trans people are WAY more likely to develop ED’s than cis people, and I don’t even need to go into all of the reasons I think he’s trans bc I feel like that’s a separate post and I’m sure someone else has already summarized it better— but anyway, picturing a young Simmons, struggling to fit in and be good enough for his parents and not hate himself entirely and have control over something? Yeahhh OOF plus, I’m also not explaining why I think he’s autistic rn, but adding autism to the mix? Having difficulty with certain foods and textures makes it hard to want to eat to begin with, and with the kinds of pressure he seems to have faced as a child to be strong and tough and athletic and generally not his nerdy self, having sensory problems probably made it just that much harder, making him hate the way his body responds to things other people, “normal people,” can handle fine, returning him to that cycle of self-hatred, and that’s just within himself ignoring all of the bullying we know that he’s faced. It’s no wonder the dude showers in his underwear still, like, bro’s self conscious and anxious and probably just generally does not like his body.

Also his ass is literally a fax machine. That’s gotta do a toll on the psyche

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Undiagnosed Autism-spectrum disorder in The Michells Vs The Machines

I'm sure that more well educated people have put two and two together in this film but I really, really want to put my own spin on it from my experience. For me, as an aspie, film is one of my biggest interests. I love studying and more than anything I love watching and rewatching films. My latest favorite movie was one that I just watched last night for my family movie night, The Michells Vs The Machines. I also went 17 years of my life asking myself the same question that both Rick and his daughter ask each other, what is wrong with him/her?

Well, I'll tell you, in my firmly undiagnosed autistic opinion for far too long, that this family is full of people with undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder. When I was watching it with my parents my mom made the comment that "the dad was a jerk" and maybe "he just didn't love his daughter enough to let her be her own person." I thought that was so not seeing the bigger picture even though it was only fifteen minutes into the film. I have felt like Katie so much with my own dad. My dad is a computer nerd and a physics major for those of you that don't talk to me very often. That means in laminas terms that he's extremely smart. Way smarter than I will ever be in my entire life. Both of my parents are insanely smart in their own rights. My mom is a CPA accountant. But that isn't what I wanted to talk about here. I want to discuss the effect of undiagnosed autism and what it can do to a whole family when they all have it and just don't know that they do. This will probably go on for quite some time so you may stop here or read below the cut because this also has the probablity of getting super, duper personal.

We'll start with Katie! To me, Katie is one of the most relatable characters that I have ever come across. She's a film nerd, which alone has made her supremely relatable as somebody who is thinking about going into a degree in film studies. I am more of a critic of film than somebody who wants to make her own film but nonetheless, there were SO many little moments that I related to. The first thing that I personally noticed and related to was the stimming technique that Katie has. She chews on her hoodie strings. As somebody who has chewed on the drawstrings of hoodies far too often long before I was officially put into the Aspergers box. Aspies are also known to stick with one "special interest" for the rest of their lives if it's one that is wide enough and varied enough to make it applicable. For Katie, that's film. For me that's animation. I appreciated that little detail of most of her dialogue being references to other films because as a lover of films and movies in general I could go for days on just fumes and movie references that nobody else understands. The little things from her hair being perpetually messy (same that's a whole ass mood like I just learned over quarantine how to tye my own hair back), only having one earring in her ear at all times, the way that she dresses and draws on her own hands, this was just me when I was first in high school. I was one of the few people that wore shorts underneath all my skirts/dresses. Everyone who knew about looked at me like I had grown a third eyeball.

Aaron, the younger brother, also just oozes spectrum lil buddy out of his every pore from his being. I do think that they should have picked somebody capable of doing a bit of a younger sounding voice (I know what they were going for, but like Ben Schwartz has become a huge deal in both voice acting and live action before switching mediums.) His special interest is actually quite a common one, he loves dinosaurs. I've met a bunch of people on the spectrum that are fascinated by dinos and what they meant for the world as well as the universe as a whole. To me, there was one scene specifically that was the scene where Katie was lightly teasing him when they were going to the half assed dinosaur extravaganza. For me, this was SO relatable because both of my parents will mess with me about my interests most of the time it's when we go to Disneyland, they'll tell me that we actually aren't going to land of magic but to Timbuckto (hopefully one day they'll say some place else just to switch things up.) I related so hard to Aaron's protesting and whining in this scene since that is always my reaction to doing something that I want to do but get told that I can't do that thing.

Linda is more of your traditional mom but I think that she's on the spectrum as well. Just a more... normalized version as opposed to her family. She's able to be a teacher, she's able to interact somewhat normally around her neighbors. If anything, she reminded me of my own mom. This independent, takes nobody's trash (especially not her husband's), strong minded, and amazing mother who is completely in control of everything. She knows the special interests of her children and is constantly thinking of what will make them happy. Whether it be taking a detour for something dinosaur related, reminding her daughter that her dad loves her no matter what, and even something as simple as watching something that her daughter made and put her heart and soul into. I can't tell you how many times my mom has watched something with me. She watched my first anime Soul Eater with me when I was 12 and ever since then has been trying to get me to watch other shows with her. She's a lot like Linda, your loving, but firm mother who just wants her family to work things out.

Whew boy. This one is going to be probably where I cry. Comparing my dad to Rick is... something that I did consistently when I was watching the film. He's the strong but silent type usually, unless your me and he's just this constant annoyance when I'm trying to do something. He could be seen as just a "Jerk" but I think that is the undiagnosed aspie talking. Rick and Katie just struggle so hard to see eye to eye because their special interests can't intersect to save their lives. This, this hurt me because so often I struggle to relate to my dad. Especially when he talks to me about computers or physics. Now I took physics but without having been in quarantine and having him as my live in tutor I would have failed, not gotten an A. This has resulted me in saying things that I don't mean in the heat of the moment when we do argue. It doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to back when I was in middle school but when it happened it was because of one thing. I lied. I used to lie a lot because I felt so unworthy of being his daughter because on my best days I am not technically smart. You want to know how many nations of the world there were in 1991 when the original Animaniacs was airing? You want to hear my Dot Warner impression? Did you ever wonder how to recognize a specific voice when your watching anime? Have you ever had to watch a panel of your favorite anime voice actor just to laugh at something? No, well I did. But ever since I have started taking a quarter off from community college I have realized something. I am not technically smart. I struggle at learning the rules for math. My dad can do this with his eyes closed but me, I struggle and look like a complete moron. It took years for my dad and I to see eye to eye. Sometimes I still wonder if I was the product of some laboratory experiment of what would happen if two intelligent people came together, fell in love, and expecting that the daughter was smart I was the reject. Watching this movie with my dad I saw so much of my relationship with him on the screen. Struggling to relate to one another, fighting and getting into arguments about petty things, and not being able to be in the same room as one another without heated words because I didn't get him.

The scene that I related to the most when it was in terms of how much Katie just doesn't understand her dad was after he was nabbed by the machines. When Aaron asked her why she said those things to their dad and her simple answer was "I don't know." This. This right here was when I saw me. So many times I've gotten into heated arguments with my dad when he has simply annoyed me at the wrong time and I've just blown up in his face. Then I regret my actions and not know how to apologize for losing my temper with him because "I don't know" just doesn't seem like a nearly acceptable answer. I felt this in my soul because it happened especially often before I was diagnosed.

When I was diagnosed, things started to get better with my dad and I. We haven't had a fight in nearly four years now. He watches cartoons with me now to try and relate to me, it's mostly Pinky and The Brain but it's more than I could have ever asked for. I love my dad so much, more than anything in the entire world. This movie is so, so good at telling a story about how a family of undiagnosed aspie's and people on the spectrum struggle to relate to one another because their special interests are different.

Special interests and family's are especially difficult and I applaud this movie so loud because of the way that it was able to treat the subject matter with integrity and honesty. I'm sorry if this analysis got a little bit long in the toof but thank you for sticking with me! I really hope that if you watched the film you loved my analysis.

[absolute-whimsical-goobus]

so more on this because uhhhhhhhhhh I have no good reason. Hhuuuge vent rant thing.

about the whole "I've never been taken to get diagnosed" thing I feel super strongly that I have bpd, ppd, and maybe even ocd (and I feel strongly that I have autism) and it makes me mad because like

my family tells me that I'm not because I haven't gotten diagnosed yet

if you have a fever you suspect you're sick!!!

and like come on the mental hospital literally put it in my sheet that I was autistic even though I don't have a diagnosis

And Yeah

Mental Hospital

I had to go to a mental hospital because of homicidal ideations and everyone kept telling me "ohh you'd regret it!!!" no

I don't think I'd regret giving free surgery to the woman who ruined my entire sense of what is right or wrong or why I'm so weird or why can't I be like the others

dude she called me braindead I was only 4 years old

no, I wouldn't regret it

maybe YOU would but I'm Not you

I was never anyone else!

cant you see I've always been me???

it makes sense that my siblings all feel like that, cuz they had a mother

I just had my siblings and sometimes my father

father was always at work

"mother" always ignored me

my siblings used to hate me (resolved!)

so who raised me????

it couldn't have been me, because I'm far too... let's say accident prone.

I just kinda grew up, I didn't get raised

I was always kinda different. not a black sheep though.

more like a wolf in sheep's clothing

they wanted a sheep and got a wolf so they put sheepskin on it and told it that it's a sheep.

so whenever I tried to be a sheep I was doing it wrong

but whenever I was a wolf I was questioned and disliked.

what if I am the wolf in this situation? I haven't hurt you. why can't I be a wolf? you can't make me a sheep, that just isn't possible.

born to be put in a box that isn't mine

if I did anything I was always praised for being Just Like [Sibling who is skilled in that area]

no I did it my way, not like them

it was so obvious that she never paid attention

one day me and my sibs got awards! these pieces of paper that said smtn like "Thank you for being ____!"

they all got things that actually made sense

but me?

"Thank you for being a sweet little angel!"

I was confused. what makes me sweet?

when I wanted to play I would roughhouse, bite and claw and throw and scream.

I was still so happy that I got something for being "me"

kind of pathetic.

I was never the angel she wanted.

I'm sorry that I look like your late firstborn, but I'm not her.

it upsets her that I'm not.

should I be sorry?? should I have lied to the doctors and kept everything the same?

should I have endured it?

fuckin CPS got called.

I hate how selfish it is. I ruined everything because of one question.

i look like them, but this is MY skin.

it's ME

I won't be YOU I won't be HIM I won't be THEM I WILL ALWAYS BE ME AND YOU CAN'T CHANGE THAT!

I WAS ALWAYS ME

AND YOU WERE ALWAYS A MONSTER!

I just wish it could all go back. when I was oblivious to how much animosity I harbored.

i could just do what I always do. smile. laugh. they don't take it seriously so might as well frame it as a joke.

smile. laugh. don't cry. why are you sad? you have no reason to be sad. you know it makes me sad that you're sad... so please stop being sad... I "love" you.

i don't care if hate is a strong word. at least I actually MEAN IT.

sometimes I think. in my head it feels like there's a voice different than the one I speak.

it talks like her. it tells me I'm a monster. it hurts. I want to claw my skin off to let it out. if I'm a monster I'll SHOW YOU a monster. if I'm crazy, I'll GIVE YOU crazy.

even if I'm a crazy monster, at least, it's still me. right?

I think it's time to go back to the hospital.

I'm not safe with myself. not with "myself" either.

I want to be put in a straight jacket or however it's spelled. to be in one of those white rooms. it would be safe.

I am on a Roll today!!!

ok does anyone know how to quell delusions?????

I've always been REALLY antsy about privacy and I can't stop thinking that the people around me might be able to read my mind, or that my glasses are perfectly projecting what I'm looking at

it's so uncomfortable bc I Know that "hey that can't happen it isn't happening" but my brain goes spicy and keeps making me paranoid

so uh

anyone know how to help??

[minibagel7]

hihiihhuiiiii hello I’ve been wondering if I’m autistic since mid august and I wake up solely to consume knowledge about autism and I think that in itself is a sign because I believe this is a hyperfixation and I looooove psychology sm I’d consider it a special interest. I’m just rambling sorry- onto the list!!! 🤭

• SPECIAL INTERESTS: I absolutely have special interests specifically in psychology, ANY form of art (drawing, painting, movies, music, ETC.), nature, animals, and colors I guess?? That’s a new one but they’ve always fascinated me.

• sensory issues: ah yes, throwing a fit and crying because my church dress was too itchy. “It’s made of cotton???” I DONT CARE MOTHER, THE STITCHES ARE P A I N F U L. Strong smells and tastes/textures immediately overwhelm me, like head aches, gagging, flappy hands, body wiggle, sometimes crying. I seem to hear things that other people don’t ahahahhahahaha- I literally hate that blazing ball in the sky that we call the sun 👹 some days it’s burning my eye balls the next it’s not bright enough idk it’s weird

• echoing: I’m literally a human mocking bird. If you said something a certain way or someone on TV did then I am going to repeat it. It’s an uncontrollable action 💀

• stimming: I can and will break into song at any given moment, mostly physically but mentally if I have to (like in class). I will shake my leg, rock back & forth, chew the inside of my cheeks, flap my hands, aggressively wiggle my body, kick, compliment people or things if I feel like it. Bouncing and spinning too <33

• hyperfixations: I’ve had like a billion of these and they vary with how long they last. Could be hours, days, weeks, months, and years if I’m lucky. I will consume every thing I can about it and sacrifice my sleep for it. I love buying merchandise like FUNKO POPS!!!!!!!!! I only have one but I’m trying to expand my collection.

• social interactions: ARE FUCKING EXHAUSTING. When I first learned what masking was I had an identity crisis realizing that I have no real sense of self because I’m just MIRRORING PEOPLE. ALL THE TIME!!!!!!! I’ve always felt like everyone was better at socializing, and that I “missed that class” as if it really is a class. In elementary school it was awful, I was so obsessed with mine and other people’s behavior, and I was very sensitive and judgmental. I started doing that because when I tried to be myself I got bad reactions, so masking was kinda like a safety blanket, a very unhealthy and depressing safety blanket. However, thanks to the internet and probably a cartoon, I realized it’s better be myself so I started doing that…but only with people I’m close with. Which is two people (not including family members), another autistic person and the “quiet kid”. I still mimic other people, but now I’m just very passive and quiet to hopefully avoid social interaction as much as I can.

• eye contact: I can maintain it…I guess. When I think about doing it, it’s either very excessive or just “yikes eye contact im gonna look at their hands, the wall, or literally anything but their eyes” ahahahwhhsha

• social rules: I’ve never really understood these but I thought I would get in trouble or something if I didn’t do them.

• development stuff: according to my mother, I hit all of my milestones on time but I was a very quiet baby and I knew how to self soothe since birth, idk if that has anything to with autism but yeah. I sucked my thumb and used sippy cups until I was like 8-9. Apparently I was the only one that liked Frozen after age 7. Anyways

• rules: I was a snitch in elementary and people did NOT like that. I told my mom about it and she explained to me that “there’s just some things you don’t tell on people for” and it stuck with me for the rest of my life. Now that I’m a teenager I have trouble accepting that I can’t be in control of my own life 👹 I lie a lot with is normally not on autistic trait but I do it out of fear of punishment…pretty sure that’s normal.

• executive functioning: my executive functioning skills are such ass that I literally can’t function EXCEPT ORGANIZATION. I LOOOOOVEEEEE organizing and will GLADLY take time out of my day to organize things. When my mom is waiting in line for groceries, I’m happily sorting out the candy and making sure it looks nice and goes where it belongs. Ironically, my room usually ends up as an absolute mess but I like cleaning it.

• I don’t always understand sarcasm, it has to be a phrase I’m used to or said with an extremely obvious tone otherwise I won’t get it…I think.

• repetitive noises make my want to tear my brain in half…LOL!!

• I remember when I finally started being myself and suddenly I was “too much” for everyone. I had low empathy, no filter, very blunt, and SOOOOO much stimming.

OKAY I think im done, I’ll lost more about it later.

[silentfcknhill]

FAVORITE SHOWS IN POSTERS

Well, we’re back for another installment of this tagged meme, this time for TV shows! I also stole this from/was indirectly tagged by @jcmorrigan. My taste in shows also differs a bit from my taste in movies, as I tend to like a lot of comedy shows with not as many horror ones. I’m not into shows as much as movies overall, but there are some that I am very passionate about so I picked twenty again. So, here we go for part 2, in order:

1. Avatar: The Last Airbender/The Legend Of Korra (2005-2014)

I'm including these as one show since they take place in the same universe and tell a continuation of the same overall plot. Altogether this is probably the best piece of media to ever exist, including movies. It has so many great characters and villains especially and some of the most epic sequences, charming humor and heartwarming moments ever. I've never met a person who didn't like these shows, even people who normally don't like cartoons. My dad, who is biased against animation? He loved it. My mother? She loved it, watched it with her multiple times. My grandmother? Loved it. My ex-boyfriend? Loved it. My best friend? Loved it. I dare anyone not to, and I'm so glad it's making a resurgence since it's on Netflix for a new generation to enjoy.

2. Black Butler (2008-2014)

I never was big into anime growing up and only really started watching anime when I was like 16 and above, but this is one of the exceptions because holy shit is it ever dark and epic. I'm not sure I'd really recommend it for kids, it's more of a teens and young adults kind of anime and that's probably why it's so good, because it isn't afraid to explore dark and mature topics and do it with all of the intensity and gravitas required to do said topics justice. It has lots of great characters, and the story of demons who make deals with children who have a dark side is fun to watch play out.

3. Seinfeld (1989-1998)

My dad was a huge fan of this show so I watched it growing up since I was a toddler and it became a classic for me. I've watched thw hole show through at least 8 times, and I'll never stop because it never gets old or boring. It's also my only comfort show when I'm having a panic attack because of one time a few years ago when I was having a drug-induced psychosis episode and watching it calmed me down, so now it's like the opposite of a trigger and whenever I'm having an episode or something I watch it to bring me back to reality. For that reason it's more than a show to me, it's a medical treatment and I'm forever grateful to it.

4. The Good Place (2016-2020)

The big four shows made my Michael Schur all made it on this post (The Good Place, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Office and Parks And Recreation), either in the main list of the honorable mentions, but this is my personal favorite of the four. It's so funny, quirky, relatable and basically tailor-made to suit my interests. Not only is it an entertaining and wholesome show, but I think watching it helped me come to terms with a lot of things like mortality, ethics, philosophy, religion and my relationships with other people. It gets  alot of different viewpoints across and if you're a very analytical and philosophical person like me you'll probably enjoy seeing it all play out. Not to mention, every single character is 'favorite character' material. It's rare you find a show with no filler characters in the main cast, but I genuinely can't choose who is best.

5. Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013-?)

Another of Michael Schur's shows, this one is just barely under The Good Place and to be honest it was tough to pick my favorite between the two because they're both equally funny. I know it's kind of controversial right now because of the whole law enforcement thing, but I actually think they do a good job of handling social issues in the show and remaining respectful of real-life systemic problems. As for the characters, this is another one of those shows where every single character is gold and I think that tends to be a trend among Schur's shows in general. He produces damn good comedy, and damn good characters. I can't wait to see what they bring next.

6. Rick And Morty (2013-?)

This is unfortunately one of those cases of 'great show, horrible fandom' and for that reason I don't get involved in the fandom even though I love the show. It's a shame because it really is a great show, so funny and, again, such good characters. I think it's a lot more accessible than the fandom likes to claim, so I'm hoping more people will give it a chance and not get put off by the intellectual elitism of the fandom because it does have some of the most entertaining and batshit crazy episodes ever, poking fun of some of the staples of science fiction in media while also poking fun of itself the whole time. Unlike the fandom, the show doesn't take itself seriously and that's enjoyable nowadays.

7. Orange Is The New Black (2013-2019)

While this show is a comedy, it is also a lot of other things and it's probably made me ugly-cry just as many times as it's made me laugh. Well, maybe not as often, but those few scenes (if you've watched the show then you know the ones I'm talking about) made me hysterically sob hard enough to be worth like fifty minor sads. But I didn't even mind because the show is just that good, and it makes you /feel/ something in a real way. Probably because of just how real it gets in terms of telling stories that happen all the time in the real world, sometimes with inevitably tragic endings. But these things do happen every day, and it's important to shine a light on that. It's not just representation for LGBTQ+ but also for POC, the neurodiverse, the poor, and many more. Give it a watch to broaden your perspective!

8. Big Mouth (2017-?)

This is probably the grossest show I've ever seen but by god is it ever funny. Maybe it's because I have an immature sense of humor or something, but I love this show. It definitely won't be everyone's cup of tea and I don't recommend you watch this show with anyone else around because it will get awkward. I think part of its appeal to me is that everyone I talk to who likes it considers it so relatable to their lives growing up but for someone like me who grew up on the autism and asexual spectrum and who was physically an early-bloomer by years, nothing about this show is relatable to me in any way so it makes it all the more crazy and bizarre watching how the people around me must have experienced things. Did y'all really have these experiences with puberty in middle school???

9. Dexter (2006-2013)

I recently heard that this show is coming back for a reboot soon and I'm so excited because this is my absolute favorite drama/thriller show, as evidenced by the fact that it's the highest one on the list so far that isn't a comedy. I love the idea of having a protagonist who is sort of a villain (or at least morally dubious), and the idea of a serial killer who only kills bad people is particularly satisfying for some reason. Maybe because he's the vigilante we all deserve and want in this unjust and evil world of modern times? Idk but the very premise of this show set it up for big things and aside from the ending I think it delivered consistently.

10. Once Upon A Time (2011-2018)

This show took us on some journeys, and you can't deny that. Sure, maybe it didn't always finish what it started and didn't always end in the most satisfying way, but part of its charm is that you didn't care because the experience was just so much fun. They took characters and stories that have been told to death and somehow managed to put a unique and unexpected twist on them, and that alone is admirable. Good twists, good villains, and pretty much every cliffhanger known to man will keep you hooked on binge-watching every episode.

11. RuPaul's Drag Race (2009-?)

A bit different than the other entries on my list in that it's not fiction but a reality competition show, but I couldn't leave Drag Race out because it's just so fucking iconic and perfect. Even when you disagree with the judges or can't stand a certain contestant you'll still be having a good time. It's got the personalities you love to love, the ones you love to hate, and the comedy that's completely meme-able. I mean just how much has this show contributed to pop culture and the internet? More than most of us, henny. I've watched every single season, even the international ones and all of the spinoffs. This show will probably be on for another thirty years when Ru is throwing shade from a hospital bed and I'll still be watching.

12. House (2004-2012)

Some people hate on this show, and I don't get it. I love House. Yes, he's an ass. That's the point. He's supposed to be unlikeable, and that's why I like him. Maybe because I always love the rude, sarcastic, misanthropic jerkass-genius characters for some reason. And I also love procedural shows, so it's a win-win. I also work in the healthcare field so it appeals to me for that reason too, because obviously the whole premise is outlandish which is what makes it funny. Of course it's not realistic for a hospital, so just enjoy the absurdity and don't get too hung up on the details of medical accuracy and professional ethics and you'll be fine.

13. The Office (2005-2013)

The third of Michael Schur's show and the last one that made the main list (sorry Parks And Rec, I love you too but there was just so many good shows to choose from and I saw you last so the nostalgia isn't as strong!) I don't think I need to hype this show up any, it's already a classic and you can't even turn around online without getting hit in the face by a dozen Office memes. You'll have to pry this show and it's relatable characters (especially Michael Scott) from my cold, dead hands.

14. All Hail King Julien/The Penguins Of Madagascar (2008-2017)

Like Avatar/Korra, I also consider this as one show for the sake of this list because it also takes place in the same universe (Madagascar, specifically) and I just couldn't choose one over the other because they're both so perfect. They're funny and I love all the characters (it cut out the weaker links of the Madagascar film series and just focuses on expanding the standout side-characters like King Julien and the penguins). It also delved into some lore, particularly the first show, and even though I didn't also agree with the directions it took (you may have seen me get salty about the ending because I cared too much), I can't deny how much I love it.

15. Bones (2005-2017)

One of the other scarce non-comedy shows on this list, it still has it's funny moments. It's also, like House, another procedural show that involves some medical stuff, but this time on a more scientific and forensic level which is even more interesting. It's nice to see a lead female with Asperger's, too. There's a lot of cop/law enforcement shows where they try to solve crimes, but this one is the best, and I'm saying that as a fan of CSI as well. Don't fight me on this, I'm right. Oh yes, it's corny, it's campy, it's cheesy, but I love every minute of it. Don't watch if you have a weak stomach though.

16. The Simpsons (1989-?)

We all grew up with this show, don't lie. It's been around longer than most people on tumblr have even been alive. Should it have ended seasons ago? Hell yes. But that doesn't take away what the first like 20 or so seasons gave us (there's a lot of argument about when the show jumped the shark, for me it wasn't until much later than the popular consensus). The characters are amazing, but the secret to the show's longevity is that they always return to status quo and there's comfort and nostalgia in that. Bart will still be in 4th grade when you're out there pushing 90. This show is persistent. This show is eternal. This show will outlive us all.

17. Ash Vs. Evil Dead (2015-2018)

Sorely underrated. This show is hilarious, gruesome and campy as hell and I love it. I don't think you necessarily have to watch the Evil Dead movies beforehand in order to get the plot of the show, although it would probably help. In my opinion this show ended way too soon and I'm hoping someday we'll get a comeback because Ash is the reluctant, self-absorbed hero we all need and it's 2020 so at this point there really might actually be a demon-zombie apocalypse and who's gonna save us then if not for the impulsive womanizer with a chainsaw for a hand?

18. Malcolm In The Middle (2000-2006)

Another show I grew up with, I don't think it gets as much credit as it deserves. It has some damn funny episodes and great characters, and it did a lot of the popular sitcom tropes before they were 'cool'. Some other great sitcoms, The Middle in particular, took a lot of influence from this show and it helped pave the way for the future of sitcoms at a time when they were about to make a comeback. If you want a good show about the real experiences of growing up, this is a much more accurate representation of the highs and lows of being an awkward tween from a dysfunctional home.

19. A Series Of Unfortunate Events (2017-2019)

Unlike most people I actually liked the movie version from the early 2000's, and I read the books growing up so I was excited when I saw there was a live action television adaptation of it on Netflix because I felt like they cancelled the movie franchise too soon. I was interested to see how new actors would handle the roles, and I was not disappointed. I wouldn't say I liked either portrayal of the characters better or worse, they both added their own twist to it and this show is a great and loyal adaptation to the books, probably because the author was so heavily involved. He knew just when to stick to the books and when to improve upon what he had done with the benefit of hindsight. This show is basically the books, but remastered.

20. Winx Club (2004-?)

Sort of an odd one out on this list, but I really love this show even as an adult and it may surprise you to learn it is still going on and the most recent season came out last year. They take big breaks sometimes in between seasons, but it's still going strong and in multiple countries. The only thing I don't like about watching this show is all the different and inconsistent dubs since the original show is Italian and each dub only goes for a couple seasons so by the time you get used to one set of voices/names for the characters oyu have to abruptly switch to another, but it's still worth it for the beautiful animation and cool characters (especially the villains!)

Honorable Mentions: 

13 Reasons Why, America's Next Top Model, American Horror Story, Arrested Development, Bates Motel, Battlestar Galactica, Black Mirror, Care Bears, Chernobyl, Courage The Cowardly Dog, Criminal, CSI, Duck Dodgers, Goosebumps, Kenny Vs. Spenny, Kim Possible, Kingdom Hospital, Lazytown, Lost, Making A Murderer, Mayday, Mindhunter, Modern Family, Monster High, Obsession: Dark Desires, Parks And Recreation, Prison Break, Project Runway, Queer As Folk, Queer Eye, Salem, Schitt's Creek, SCTV, Spongebob Squarepants, The Emperor's New School, The Good Doctor, The Haunting Of Hill House/Bly Manor, The Middle, The Pretender, The Walking Dead, The X-Files, Through The Wormhole, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Unsolved Mysteries, Yugioh

Tagging: @bullet-farmer​ and anyone else who wants to!

[brainmoss]

We Happy Few

Some We Happy Few screenshots I have without UI. I have plenty others with details or scenery or cutscenes but I didnt remove the UI beforehand so they're not as pretty to share.

Anyway, replaying We Happy Few. I'll be honest 1st time I played it wasn't even out yet but I finished the 3 main chapters back then. Now I'm replaying, still in Arthur's chapter, but understanding so much more now that I'm older. A bit confusing though, not the story, my feelings. I remember the big reveal at the end of Arthur's chapter, but not fully, and now I understand what went on before better, but it's frustrating while I'm playing him and remembering Percy, but Arthur was just a child, but he was a massive ass if I remember right, but still I don't know. Great story of course, having mixed feelings and being forced to think about it makes it even better, can't wait to rewatch the final to settle down this confusion a bit, or at least understand better.

I really like the detail of Prudence's 'Welcome Back' sign becoming 'Come Back'. Sorry, she went on vacation! That's another cool thing, I can sometimes find notes from Prudence and follow a bit of her trail, wonder if I'll find her in this playthrough, maybe I did last time and didn't pay attention or maybe it's just a cool thing to be on the look out for and understand better other people's lives in this place. Oh also the kids won't come back either huh

Percy deserved better. As I watch more and more memories it's becoming clear he probably had autism or something of the sort, I'm not sure of the classification of those things, but I also see how alike him I was as a kid and maybe sometimes nowadays. I completely understand his thoughts and frustrations even with 'jambled' dialogue, and now I can see the perspective of others, specially his brother. It's freaky in my brain ahah

Another thing that frustrates me is that I know the ending, but I shouldn't and it's afecting my prespective now, but it shouldn't. Kind of regret playing this when I couldn't fully understand it, I can definetly look for new things in this playthrough, but knowing the ending from back when I didn't understand the backstory as well is messing with it.

I love that we get to explore this environment and see Arthur's development, and remember what came before. I keep going back to Percy because I think their relashionship is well represented, I've had many conversations with my brother like Arthur had with Percy. That helps with creating my confusion I think, what would have happened if it was my brother and I in those situations? We have a strong bond, I love to see good siblinghood in media when the stereotype seems to be siblings hate each other. Arthur doesn't hate Percy, far from it, they seem to have a strong bond too, even with Arthur being a bit of an ass sometimes, I guess I can understand his frustration too. Either way it's very cool to see this relashionship through memory and what we currently know of one of the brothers. Their parents too. We know little of them, but the father has had some dialogue in the memories, the mother in game as I showed.

There might be more but I haven't finished this playthrough yet and I know the game has been changed since then. I've played some missions that didn't exist back then if I remember right, but hey I payed for it this time! Steam's christmas sale, glad I did it. I definetly have plenty of thoughts on this game but for now I think I'll keep them until I finish this chapter and maybe then if I have more pretty screenshots I vent a bit more.

[catscraftsandcommentary]

I took a nap for a while.

She just... UGH.

Okay, so I just turned 34, I have a low paying factory job that I am MASSIVELY over qualified for, but I also have anxiety, depression, autism, and some chronic health problems. 🙃 Sooo changing shit is not as easy as just picking up and GOING.

What I *REALLY* want to do is pay off all my medical debt, get my credit score somewhere decent, get a job with a decent salary (AND health care, because that is NOT NEGOTIABLE for me), and then MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF MY PARENTS HOUSE and cut all financial ties with them.

So that next time mom starts being a bitch over something stupid, I can just go back to my apartment, block her messages, and if Dad tries to talk me into making peace with her (because she's your mother, she loves you, she's just worried about you...yeah but she's still a bitch with the emotional IQ of a ROCK), he has no leverage to make me. I can be like "I'll see her in therapy and not before, byyyyyyeee!"

That...is a little out of reach, short term.

And yes, mom and I both have therapists. And anxiety. And depression. And (multiple) chronic medical conditions.

I had a therapist recommend relationship/family therapy to us, like, TEN YEARS AGO and it has NEVER HAPPENED because nothing in this family ever happens until it reaches a point of crisis.

(Or until mom nags the shit out of everybody until it's easier to do it to make her shut up than it is to resist.)

I just. I am so. Fucking. TIRED. Of dealing with her.

Like, my dad isn't PERFECT at handling emotions, but he at least recognizes that other people HAVE emotions and that they're just as valid as HIS emotions, and that when his emotions (anger, frustration, etc) get too strong, taking it out on other people is WRONG and he should NOT DO THAT, or at the very least needs to fucking APOLOGIZE.

When my plans today got canceled, he apologized - even though it's not really *his* fault, just a shitty thing that happened - and said he knew I was really looking forward to seeing my friend (college roommate who moved overseas, this would be the first time we've seen each other in person in about a decade) and he hoped we had another chance to get together.

Mom...said none of that. Or if she did, it was the mean, offhand "I'm sorry your plans got canceled, BUT..." *goes back to lecturing me about how I should have listened to her, she's always right, no one appreciates her, etc*

Like. I get that shit happens. I'm not a child. I know you can't foresee everything, can't prepare for everything. But it still sucks when you were looking forward to something and it gets canceled last minute, and rescheduling is going to be COMPLICATED because my friend's mom is in chemo for cancer and she obviously doesn't want to risk exposing her to any more germs than she has to. And she's flying back out next weekend.

So yeah.

Also I just really hate the person I become around my mom. It's like, whenever I'm around her, I become the worst version of myself in self-defense. I try to be kind and open and understanding, but she either doesn't understand those or takes advantage of them. She has NO respect for boundaries, especially in mother-daughter relationships, and doesn't even understand why relationship boundaries are a THING within family.

Also? IT IS NOT JUST ME. My brother, his wife (who is amazing and a beacon of sanity), even my DAD (who's been married to her for 40+ years and still loves her, gods help him) all know she's crazy and a pain in the ass and needs therapy. More therapy than the weekly sessions she's already getting.

If I could send her to the mental health version of a detox clinic for several weeks, I WOULD. Because she has so much going on, I don't know how else it would all get straightened out.

Dad has Covid so my plans for the day got canceled, Mom was a bitch about it and we had a fight, and now I'm eating my feelings and reading shut.

What else is new.

[thatrandomartistjavi]

Listing the Aladdin characters that I think are autistic for Autism Acceptance Month

I'm only including the main characters of the musical. Cause Aladdin is a big franchise and I mainly hyperfixate on the musical. I first wrote all of these on paper cause I got a cool new notepad and wanted to use it. So yeah I'm just transferring stuff and changing some things from there. I first listed the things I notice from the actual show and then listed hcs I have. Some have more than others. But whatever, tis life. Anyway enjoy

Aladdin:

stimming by jumping and fidgeting with his bag

takes things literally

(K: Babkak's right! How about you share the wealth? A: The wealth? B: The dough? The kind that's been formed into a loaf and baked?)

slow at processing things

(A: So say I'm slow for my age. Also the scene before Friend Like Me.)

"My mother always said if I only applied myself, if I only believed-"

difficulty at lying

strong emotional reactions

one track mind

scripts

(The scene where he meets the royals was definitely scripted. Why do you think he failed miserably when Jasmine fought back? Cause it wasn't in the script he made in his head.)

feels disconnected from people

(mans only had 3 friends)

attention to detail

(A: I don't know. Solid gold earrings, satin cloak, not a speck of dust on her shoes.)

impulsivity

difficulty in social situations

imitation

(I originally put the dance break in Somebody's Got Your Back but that's a shit example[kinda]. The example I should've gone with was in Friend Like Me where Al, at random, imitates the movements of Genie and his back up dancers.)

difficulty focusing

HC:

has a special interest in the art of thievery

has no sense of personal space

fez is a comfort item

infodumps a lot

black-and-white morality

sensory issues with fabrics

masks really good

low empathy with people, high empathy with animals and inanimate objects

likes routines

Jasmine:

stroking her hair as a nervous stim

blunt way of speaking

sensory issues

(M: I don't know princess. For someone like you, the outside world might be kinda overwhelming.)

strong sense of justice and morality

strong emotional reactions

takes things literally

(A: Sorry, did I cross a line? J: No, the line was back there.)

impulsivity

meltdown

(J: Well, I'm not a child anymore!!)

avoids eye contact but also intense eye contact

feels disconnected from the world

(She, like Aladdin, only had 3 friends)

difficulty in social situations

difficulty with following rules/instructions

hyper-empathy

HC:

has a bunch of special interests like history, language, economics, tigers, books, and art.

infodumps a lot. more than Aladdin

declarative memory

her necklace is a comfort item

likes to stim by making circles under the water with her hand

difficulty with social cues

Iago:

slow at processing things

strong emotional reactions

(I: Girls get so moody over the smallest things! Chipped nails, bad hair, people murdering their BOYFRIEEEEEEEEEENDS!)

stimming through maniacal laughter

sensory issues

(I: No, not the dungeon! I'm very sensitive to mildew!).

low empathy

trouble with idioms

(I: Oooooo, you're so machiavellian! Whoever that is. [Don't worry I thought they were a person too Iago])

meltdown

(You can count him complaining about Jasmine a meltdown but also

When he hissed at the one of the guards trying to take him to the dungeon.)

attachment to an inanimate object

(Pee pee poo poo man's staff)

no volume control

overstimulation

(When Spooky Voice was like being loud, Iago put his hand on his head as if he's having a headache but also I: I just wanted to get the ball rolling! I can't be creative if I'm not in a safe space!)

echolalia and imitation

(Jf: The law clearly states that she must marry of royal blood and we are running out of princes. I: Running out of princes. Jf: It is a quandary, my lord. I: Quite a quandary. Quite a quandary! Jf: Really Iago?! Must you parrot everything I say! Also he imitates Genie's dancing after Prince Ali.)

HC:

special interest in knives, dark magic(courtesy of Jafucking bitch), and the violin

touch-aversed

Omar:

one track mind

(He got Al roses and baklava for Jasmine even after he said that he didn't need them)

hyper-empathy

stiff body language

strong emotional reactions

strong sense of morality

(O: Maybe we should all clean up our act. Everytime I pick a pocket, I feel awful.)

sensory issues

(His ears started to hurt because of his own singing so much so that Al had to soothe him for him to continue

awkward in big groups of people

whatever the fuck he's doing here

verbally stims

(He scats in the demo for Babkak, Omar, Aladdin, Kassim. Yes I'm counting that as a stim, fuck you.)

HC:

he likes pressure like

He would have a weighted blanket in modern times

special interest in literature, poetry, and flowers(thanks to his sister)

partially nonverbal

(By this I mean that he doesn't speak at times cause it's too much energy. He can speak full sentences fine, just that it takes a lot of energy. I didn't know how else to describe it. I considered saying he's selectively mute but selective mutism and autism aren't inherently linked. They can be comorbid but it's not really an autistic trait. Idk I just wanted to specify why I'm using that. Anyway moving on)

doesn't like to make eye contact

his comfort item is a bunny plushie that Genie gave him after returning from his world tour

I already mentioned sensory issues but I also wanna say that not only is it with noise but with food as well

shutsdown when really upset

also very prone to overstimulation

you know that necklace the gang have? well they're also chewable and Omar likes to chew on it as a way to stim

takes things literally

he likes rules/instructions so breaking them is a big fear of his and it's doubled cause of trauma

definitely daydreams a lot

he knows sign language to be able to understand his sister(she's nonverbal) so when he's too overwhelmed or tired to speak, he uses sign language

Hamed:

intense eye contact

difficulty focusing

(That scene where snake man is like trying to convince him to not have Jasmine marry anyone for definitely not notorious purposes, man is not listening to him AT ALL)

resistant to change

(H: We must uphold the ancient ways dearest.)

one track mind

blunt way of speaking

meltdown

(H: You think I don't know that! Now go to your room!)

can't read a room

comfortable clothes

(He legitimately wears the same outfit throughout the entire show)

uses his hands a lot when speaking

imitation

(Hamed does the foot tap when saying Prince Ali's name in the wedding)

HC:

his turban is a comfort item

he has a special interest in mechanics and toymaking

hyperfocuses a lot when making toys

stims through clapping

has a lot of sensory issues with noise, smell, and fabrics

scripts so much

CEO of masking

will infodump if asked

raptor hands!

difficulty at processing emotions

doesn't like being touched unprovoked, you must ask permission

has a lot of routines and will cry if you break them

intense fear of breaking rules

he switches from hyper-empathy to low empathy

emotional attachment to inanimate objects

very prone to overstimulation

You don't agree with this? Well then, keep it to yourself. I don't have the time and energy to debate. Hope you enjoyed all of this

[bondsmagii]

Chris Chan has got to be one of the most documented people in the internet. I can't imagine having almost every detail of my life for the whole world to see even though I haven't done horrible things like Chris has

god I know right. the idea of everything being that documented... it's honestly eerie as hell. no matter what Chris Chan does or tries, it's all being watched and documented and analysed and man. to think she could have avoided all this if she had just unplugged the internet in like, 2007.

right now I'm still in the early stages, like 17 videos in or so. at the moment I just feel desperately sorry for her. I'm not sure what fucked up shit she might do going forward, and of course I know about the incest charges which is yikes all on its own, but at the moment I can't help but feel desperately sorry for her. like, it's funny in a car crash way, but it's also really not funny at all. right now she's just this autistic young adult living with two abusive parents, who's being harassed by dozens of people online. because of her autism she's incapable of being able to identify trolls until it's far too late, and then more trolls befriend her and she falls for the exact same tricks again because she's inherently too trusting and can't tell when people are being sarcastic or when they're actually ridiculing her. at the moment her closest friend is a girl named Kacey, who's trying to give Chris "advice" to better her life, and on the surface it's all solid advice -- get a job, exercise more, eat healthier, etc -- but it's all designed to set Chris up for more ridicule, and no matter what progress Chris reports, Kacey twists it and uses it to ridicule her and trash her confidence. earlier on I listened to a phone call recording where Chris's mother was caught berating Chris and emotionally manipulating her in the background, and when Chris got back on the line to Kacey, Kacey took Chris's mother's side and started also berating Chris for the same thing. it's honestly so fucked up -- like underneath all the inherent hilarity that comes from a situation so fucking weird, it's impossible to ignore the fact that this is an account of the long-term emotional abuse of a deeply vulnerable adult. whatever Chris might have done in the future, I firmly believe that there's a strong case to be made for the fact she was driven to this point. the constant trolling and the fact that she cannot trust anybody in her life to be who they say they are has created a deep rift between Chris and reality, and I wouldn't be surprised if she's been driven to honest to god clinical psychosis because of all the stress and torment.

if it had just been brief -- a spate of the earlier trolling at the beginning, where they teased her a bit about Sonichu and convinced her she was in a chat with Billy Mays or whatever, that would have been fine. everyone was getting trolled like that back in the day. but at some point it veered away from trolling and went into literal torture. like, I'm going to go under the cut here because this got suddenly serious on an ask that's pretty casual (sorry about that), but it's been bothering me since I saw it and I have to mention it now. sincere warning for anyone reading my Chris Chan documentary chronicles just for the lighter parts, because in my mind what I'm about to discuss is literal, actual torture of a disabled person.

the other day I watched the video where the trolls hacked into Chris's PlayStation account, which had a lot of games and progress she was obviously proud of. being autistic, she's obviously much more attached than these trolls can appreciate -- video games are clearly one of her special interests, and she understandably gets very distressed when the trolls threaten to sell the account. there's a whole bunch of convoluted stuff that happens, but the main event is that they use the leverage of the account to get Chris into doing shit to "win" it back. they end up making her cut her Sonichu medallion (a comfort item that she wears constantly) into four pieces, and stick the pieces up her ass. on video.

the video isn't shown on YouTube, obviously, but the audio is. in it, the trolls can be heard urging her on, insisting she stick it properly up there ("until I can't see it anymore", is how one of them put it). also captured on the audio is Chris, making sounds of pain and also apparently crying, which she is then ridiculed for.

I mean. I was genuinely disturbed by this, as I'm sure most people with even a smidgen of a conscience would be. this is sexual abuse. this is torture. this is not trolling, this is not doing something "for the lulz". this is a small group of genuine psychopaths banding together long after the regular trolling is done, to torture a person who is incapable of defending herself and who has no responsible adult in her life to protect her from people like this. this shit, when compared to legitimate harmless trolling like Liquid Chris, who winds Chris up but never actively harms her (at least to what I've seen so far) and is so ridiculous that everybody can see through it (even Chris herself, who knows that Liquid Chris is a faker and isn't being deceived by Liquid Chris in any way), is night and day. Liquid Chris is genuine trolling, the kind that aims to get you mad and then goes no further. what these other people are doing is abuse and torture. they're clearly a core group of individuals who realised they had an easy target and decided to take advantage of it, and they're all honest to god sociopaths. they should face charges for this shit.

I apologise for getting serious on this post, but I need to be honest here. as much as I'm enjoying the drama and the more ridiculous and admittedly hilarious bits of this story, between all the tamer pieces of legitimate trolling is a serious case of ableism. vulnerable adults like Chris are abused like this every day, and the fact that this can be so well-documented online and still nobody did anything to help her is absolutely astounding. because Chris is "cringe", everybody seemed to collectively decide that she deserved this treatment, when really at the end of the day she began as an autistic teenager who was super passionate about her OC and wanted to upload comics about him online. like. that was her only crime, and it ended like this.

just... god damn.

[adventuresoutsidethegenderbinary]

Hello, River. This ask is pretty long, and I am sorry for that. I have a lot to get off my chest, and I was hoping you could help.

I saw your post about your situation with your mother. I can't imagine how hard that must be for you. I just want you to know that you are not alone.

I have only formally come out as pansexual to my sister (affirming), my sax instructor (affirming) my therapists (affirming), my mom (accepting), and my oldest brother (accepting). About a month ago, I went to a meeting for an LGBTQ+ support group with my university (I currently live with my parents and drive to my classes). It was called "Spectrum," so I lied and said it was an autism group. However, my dad (a recently appointed Mormon bishop) took it upon himself to look it up, so when I got back, he immediately confronted me. He was relatively calm, since he had a bit of time to cool down, but it was still very stressful. I covered for my self in a variety of ways, including describing myself as "having attraction towards people regardless of whether they are male or female." I felt the need to phrase who I AM as something I DO. My mom talked with me about the situation the next day and said, among other things, that he had wanted to tell me there was an emergency at home so he could confront me as soon as possible. She apparently name-dropped "pansexual" during a later conversation with him, but in spite of that he hasn't brought it up since.

I doubt that is for lack of trying, though. He also wanted to talk to me about my political views, since I had been posting a lot of political material to my Facebook page. He is convinced that we have a lot in common. I am not. As you have likely gathered, he is hardcore conservative. He's not openly bigoted against most people, and not quite QAnon territory, but he's out there. I have taken a sharp U-turn to the left. (Exhibit A, my blog.)

The moment I got out of that conversation, I started packing in case I needed to leave. I started formulating ideas. I signed up for campus housing. I made plans with my sister to stay at her house (about 2.5 hours away) if need be. I managed to convince my dad with surprising ease to let me stay with her for about a week (my mom was instantly on board). She is not LGBTQ+ herself (not to my knowledge, at least) but, as previously mentioned, she was very affirming (she was actually the first person I came out to). She has strained relations with my parents (read: my dad) because she left the Church a long time ago, partially due to her sexual activity, and they (he) are convinced that they need to somehow bring her back into the Church (not a chance in hell of that happening). I have been staying with her and her fiancee for the past week.

I do not relish returning (which I will likely do tomorrow evening or Friday morning). I do not want my dad to start probing me. I have already stalled - the original plan was for me to go back yesterday - and I don't think I can stall any more.

Do you have any suggestions or advice on how to proceed? He doesn't even know that Tumblr exists, much less that I have a blog here, but I hate that I am keeping everything secret from him - that I have to. Obviously, it's his fault. I'm up front about it with my sister and with my therapists, and even with my mom. But I have no reason to believe that he will take any accountability for himself. He is convinced that he is doing the right thing, that my sister was a failure (on both his end in "not instilling the gospel in her deeply enough" and hers), that the Church (which I plan on leaving soon myself) is the only way anyone can be truly happy.

How do I avoid confrontation? How do I keep things under wraps? And is there any way I might be able to convince him that maybe, just maybe, he might be in the wrong?

On top of that, I can't help but feel like I'm exaggerating some things, that I am making myself a bigger victim than I really am. I feel this when I am talking with my therapists and I feel it venting to you now. Obviously you don't know my full situation, but do you think I might be overblowing things?

Thank you, and again, I'm sorry for sending such a long ask. Keep doing what you're doing. Your work and advocacy is an immense blessing to us all.

~Red (he/him)

Hi Red,

Thanks for sharing! Never worry about sending in a long ask, I love answering. I obviously can’t provide you with super concrete solutions since I’m not in your shoes, but I do know that you’re not over-exaggerating because for the longest time I thought that I was too. When you’re constantly subject to harassment and judgement, and constantly told that everything is your fault, you start to feel like you’re making things seem bigger than you are. Trust me, you are not. 

My advice would honestly be to just lie low for now. I know that it’s hard to hide who you are - believe me - but sometimes it’s a lot easier than confrontation, especially if your father is paying for your college. I’m glad that you signed up for campus housing - you could be out as who you are at school and then only have to pretend around your parents. 

I do genuinely believe that people who are homophobic can change, but it takes a lot of time, energy, and effort, and ultimately, it’s up to the person themselves, not you. Until you are no longer dependent on him, I would stray away from bringing up LGBTQ+ stuff. He could eventually come around, but I wouldn’t take that chance while you’re still a dependent.

I’m sorry that you’re in this situation - please stay strong and remember how valid you are.

Love always,

River