#sorry if this makes no sense i just wanted to yap
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so i was reading this post and started yapping in the tags before deciding i actually just needed to make a separate post because i have brainworms. long unedited ramble sorry this doesn't make sense at all
adlerbell & co-dependency;
the sick irony lies in the fact that the co-dependency that exists within their relationship, most of the time, isn't even of their own volition, and yet they are the constant cause of their own entrapment. they NEED one another as much as they hate one another because they ARE each other. to their core.
bell is everything adler hates and opposes and wars against yet he NEEDS them to catch perseus no matter the cost; adler is bound to bell in a way where he is ironically beholden to them, his fate in their hands, even when he's technically the one in control, with the power and rank over them, the one holding the leash. yet without bell adler has little to nothing. powerless entirely. in that way, bell has power over him, that his whole world rests upon the pinprick that is their loyalty to him, which is a hairswidth away from being shattered the second they piece together who they are, what he's done to them.
and bell is obviously only who they are because of adler. warped god wrenching hands into their head and rearranging it all until they suit whatever he deems his perfect image when he needs it. friend, ally, team member. dog, prey, victim. whatever he needs them to be, they are.
and bell's entire personhood is adler. bell's entire world is adler. half himself, a mirror image, their head a scrambled soup of his memories and fears, of vietnam, of things that didn't happen to bell but did happen to adler, a point in time that existed but they were not a part of, not until adler dragged their body off that tarmac and forced them to be. without adler, bell is dead in trabzon, or nothing. and that kind of co-dependency is indescribable- to believe that this man is one who went through the horrors of war with you, your friend for over a decade, is one thing. but even when bell breaks free of their conditioning- to know that they are possibly only alive because he found them? to know that mk ultra, despite being the very thing that destroyed them, was the only thing that stood between them and an unmarked grave??
bell wants adler. but adler needs bell. and mf wants to stand at that fucking clifftop and claim that none of it was personal?? he created a home for bell within himself, how they trust him, rely on him, believe that he'll always pick them up- because even if not in vietnam, he did, once, in trabzon. and bell is a home to all the worst parts of himself, scraped out of him and put into the empty pit he carves out of them- his weaknesses, his fears, his trauma, his ruthlessness. (i could talk about how adler's hatred of bell might even be a reflection not only of them being the very culmination of everything he opposes, but that they're also an amalgam of every worst thing he hates about himself, but that's another post entirely.)
i just. it wasn't meant to be personal. bell was a tool for adler, and adler was just this figure meant to be imprinted on. all means to an end. but against their own volition, they rely on each other. they need each other. they are dead without each other. i think adler needs bell to make himself feel powerful. but god, if they aren't the very thing he has to tiptoe around and revere because without them he has nothing. no team, no perseus. and to bell, adler is not too far removed from a god, whether they know it or not. he made them. and i doubt the lamb wants to stray much too far from its shepherd. ugh. whatever.
don't even get me started on how their fates are inevitably intertwined. how even the narrative itself demands them be slave to each other's will. fuck everything
#this makes no sense and was a lot tidier in my head#adlerbell is codependent but in such a horrific way bc it's almost entirely against their will#like i cannot imagine#your entire fate hinging on the existence of the person who destroyed you#your life entirely surrendered to the other's hands#fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#adlerbell#adler#bell#cod#call of duty#call of duty cold war#cod cw#cod bocw#call of duty black ops cold war#cod bo6#bo6#black ops 6#call of duty black ops 6#cod adler#cod bell#russell adler#adbell#thoughts
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A take I've seen a couple times is that Sonic is supposed to be fairy-like and like an embodiment of good itself, not a character who should feel "human" (as human as anthro hedgehogs can get ig)
And like. I'm sorry but that's a really boring interpretation of his character that diminishes a lot of his most appealing traits imo
Bc one of his biggest appeals for me is that he's flawed. And it's not a question whether he is or isn't, he IS flawed in canon
You CAN say that Sonic is more "fairy-like" in the earlier classic era, but by the time the modern era rolls around (pun not intended) he started to shift to a more shonen protag-esque character, with a side of late 90's early 2000's cool radical attitude (that part starts to mellow out as the games progress but he'll always have a little bit of that specific kind of cool factor in my eyes)
But, like I said, he's flawed. He's impulsive and reckless, and can sometimes be just as selfish as he is selfless. He does what he believes is right, no matter what others think and even if he's actually in the wrong. And sometimes, rarely, he lets his emotions get the better of him. He also has a disregard for authority, and can be pretty rude and sometimes a bit arrogant, too
The only reason he's considered a hero is bc in spite of his flaws, he's still kind at heart (and, usually, what he believes is right still aligns with what is considered good). He doesn't even consider himself a hero, that's a title mostly put on him by other people. He doesn't think of himself as anything special, just "a guy who loves adventure"
THAT'S what's appealing to me about Sonic. He's just a guy. He's a person, idealized as he may be, who still has flaws and still makes mistakes, but is generally still really fucking cool. I think humanizing him a little more by exploring his flaws isn't a bad thing either and makes for more interesting stories
Anyway, I don't think Sonic could be described as an embodiment of good itself. Hell he'd probably tell you to cut it out if you told him that to his face (he's got an ego but he's not THAT bad). He'd say something like "I just do what I gotta do, that's all" before moving on to kick Eggman's ass again, or something
That's just my take, anyway
#ramblings#sorry if this makes no sense i just wanted to yap#also if sonic is the embodiment of anything it's the wind#not whatever your idea of 'good' is#and to push your idea of what 'good' is on him is kinda reductive imo#bc he canonically doesn't follow that. he follows his own code and his own rules#that's what makes him so interesting and fun to analyze to me
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I THINK SOMEONES SAID THIS BEFORE BUT!! IMAGINE THE (GREEK) GODS CHILDREN ARE CURSED BY THE STYX. HEAR ME OUT.
obviously, zeus + poseidon + hades all swore on the styx to have no more kids… but they did. and i was thinking what if their kids are cursed because of it (because obvi the gods are gods so they won’t be effected).
SO:
thalia grace, daughter of the god of the skies → has a fear of heights
percy jackson, son of the god of the sea → has a fear of drowning
nico di angelo, son of the god of the underworld (where it’s basically always night) → has a fear of the dark
ANYWAYS I WAS THEN ALSO THINKING ABOUT THEIR ROMAN COUNTERPARTS AND THEIR KIDS!
are jason and hazel cursed too? obviously jupiter + neptune + pluto didn’t swear that they’d stop having kids so does it count for them as well? BECAUSE
jason grace, son of the god of the gods → has a fear of leadership and making important choices / he’s indecisive (or something like that.)
hazel levesque, daughter of the god of underworld (where the river lethe is, which is related to memories) → has a fear of her past
#angie yaps ⋆˙⟡#hazel’s doesn’t rlly make any sense but i wanted to include her!#SORRY FOR YAPPING#i just saw a tiktok about it and i was: OMG WAIT ☝️#i think im sooo smart#(pls tell me im not stupid)#percy jackson#thalia grace#nico di angelo#jason grace#hazel levesque#big three kids#big three pjo#zeus pjo#poseidon pjo#hades pjo#jupiter pjo#neptune pjo#pluto pjo#greek gods#roman gods#heroes of olympus#pjo#hoo#pjo hoo toa#rick riordan
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I genuinely start tweaking when I see someone say that “Marvin’s giddy seizures” are actual seizures. Like I get it’s very vague and up for interpretation I guess but. Like.
#like you can interpret that song however you want but just know I’m tweaking out 😊#it wouldn’t make much sense if it was supposed to be actually seizures#why would you start your trilogy of musicals with a concept that’s never mentioned again#the only time that it maybe comes up is in Whizzer going down but that’s it if at all#whereas the other explanation of it being a metaphor for him lashing out for attention is mentioned throughout the trilogy#I could yap about this so much and disect every lyric in the song#sorry for yapping but i feel very strongly about this😣#falsettos#falsettos musical#in trousers
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Which version of Rick is your fav?
it's so hard for me to choose tbh. HOWEVER, I'd say Evil Rick
then I'd say it's C-137 and Memory Rick
I love how pathetic™ Evil Rick really is tbh. love that he's being controlled by his Morty. can you guess who my favorite Morty is?
#the only reason why Evil is above C-137 and Memory is because#Memory's design is something I don't really like in the style of the show#his fanart makes him look so much cooler but in the show he just looks.. unfinished?#idk it's weird to me. I love him outside of that though#and with C-137. I'M SICK OF HIM LMAO I AM SO SORRY#there are too many fucking episodes dedicated to this man. pushing everyone else aside just to have him yap about his dead wife#I love him so much but there's only so many times we can bring Diane up and not really develop her as a character but rather to boost Rick#and the show is Rick and MORTY yet all I see is Rick 😭😭 don't get me wrong I love this man#I just feel like we know more about Rick than the rest of the family#WHICH IS FINE IF THAT WAS WHAT THEY WERE GOING FOR#and if they wanted to go in that direction so be it! it's fine!#I just feel like he needs less screen time or at least balance episodes among the family#cause even the most recent Morty episode is about Rick. it was so frustrating watching it cause it's literally MORTY'S fear hole experience#yet we're watching Morty's head canons about his grandparents#I also hate the narrative they took with Diane. only ever having Rick talk of her or others bring her up#it just doesn't make her a character but rather an extension off of Rick. that's how I'm feeling rn with the family#they're all just there to prop up Rick or something. super annoying#but that's about it. I'm not gonna continue my rant#unless you want me to?#idk if I even made sense but that's all good#rick and morty#rick and morty fandom#rick#memory rick#evil rick#C-137#Rick Sanchez
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I promise you that you will not get arrested for changing your mind y'all. You can GROW and and rethink some of your past actions! Its normal, it happens. Easier said than done but you really don't need to publicly shame yourself for thinking a certain way. I get how internet culture has us overexplaining literally anything we do but you owe no one but yourself justification. It's okay to breathe and say yeah that probably wasn't a great way to think, change and move on 😭
Its so easy to go down the rabbit hole and turn a growing moment to a "I'm a horrible no good human being that deserves the worst things imaginable". Not saying that you're exempt from taking responsibility for your actions if they harmed other people but there are other ways of going about it that don't involve beating yourself up.
There's a post going around and I'm not gonna speak on it, but some people who really aren't the target audience are taking the brunt of it all and rethinking themselves as a human and I'm there like oh! That post really wasn't calling you out but okay! That's okay. We realized we need to change some things but it doesn't mean you're a terrible human. And these are literal sweethearts who keep to themselves panicking cause they thought they did something wrong. TRUST me the people that particular post is calling out is not about you. The fact that you're self reflecting is a huge sign you're not like that i promise you. Be kinder to yourselves y'all
#grow in silence if you must#i do it now- in regards to this blog at least. but i'm also not gonna tell you how to heal and if thats how you need to clear the air#all the power to you. but if youre doing it just to not get in trouble by the tumblr police I'm sorry but you might need to try another way#no cause is it just a neurodivirgent struggle to constantly want to explain yourself ESPESCIALLY when you think you've messed up.#i be on this blog yapping for my life sometimes and then I think to myself... for WHAT and for WHO#none of you know me irl and only i can prove to myself whether or not I've “grown” and I dont have to prove diddly squat#but man much easier said than done. i really be tweakin sometimes#did this post make sense y'all#literally me thinking I need to explain how I'm not against the base morals of the post so people know but then I- the IRONY
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ive made myself more wet and pathetic
#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL#its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed#because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH#how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would#be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing#or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late#i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed#the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either#because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember#the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either#the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with#crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure#BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION#im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real#really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and#thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT#you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without#making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY#yapping#doodles#puppysona#edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule#and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened
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Jimithon Mouthwashing is such a good representation of untreated, enabled NPD like it makes me want to squeeze the life out of him. I'm endlessly fascinated when watching him interact with his crew, surroundings, and himself because he's so fucking lost in his own sauce. It's insane. If I'm being real, it makes him my favorite character in the game.
It's a little scary to say, but watching Jimmy is like seeing a mirrored version of myself two years ago before I truly committed to treatment for my NPD. He's like a shadow. The opening line "I hope this hurts," which I believe comes from Jimmy right before the crash, is such a poignant statement. It's a simple line, but I can tell you from experience that the desire to hurt others when in a narcissistic rage is overwhelming. It's such a good line to sum up Jimmy's character in that moment. Luckily, in the real world, I had my friends and family there to catch me when I hit my lowest, even though I'd hurt them so many times. Jimmy probably could've used friends to force him into therapy (cough cough Curly cough cough)
#also I don't mean we're similar in any way when it comes to rape or SA. Please don't twist it that way at all.#I mean like in terms of the jealously resentment revenge hurting others to feel thrilled not taking responsibility not seeing flaws etc#I'm diagnosed with NPD also but pls know my experience will be different from others. We're all different people obvs.#also Jimmy has like wayyyyyyyyyy more things wrong with him not just untreated NPD lol#I would say that untreated NPD is a hell most can't describe#you barely feel anything except rage boredom and jealousy (in my case)#love is a form of ownership and control because you can't really feel it the right way#so your -person- is an object of intense obsession and also a tool for you#if that makes sense? I see that with Jimmy and Curly for sure#You want to tear others down and hurt them because it makes you feel good to put them below you#there's a constant feeling of insecurity and it drives you crazy fr#kind gestures from friends feel insulting#and oh my god achievements made by friends and family in my case feel like I've been shot like I hate when they achieve things#It's not logical obvs but that's something I instantly noticed in Jimmy so i was like .....oh brother lol#and also if they achieve something my brain needs it to somehow be tied to me or I'll make it tied to me so they can be thankful#they should always center their attention on me and if they don't I immediately resent them#these are just some of my thought processes on the matter so I can show the similarities I feel with Jimmy#the KEY DIFFERENCE is all of these thoughts I have are left in my head and not exhibited in my actions (any more. took a long time)#but he is such a nasty human with ZERO introspection that he prob never even thought about treatment#also doesn't help that the hot blonde he's friends with never did anything to help with that#idk sorry for oversharing but ahhh this game is so well written I gotta yap about it lol#also kind of a funny unrelated story to show how weird the achievement thing can be lol#my friends announced they saved up enough to go to Vietnam (their dream trip) and I was happy for them (I really was)#but of course my delusional ass immediately also took it as a threat#and I booked a month long trip to Europe a few days after so I could also announce it LMAO#that is a kind of innocent incident when compared to Jimmy but it just shows how annoying NPD can be#Jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#NPD
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Some more Hamilton tweets :p
( I feel like the first one could be misconstrued as a ship….. it’s not )
#zach yaps#sorry if these don’t make sense#i don’t feel like making more accs rn and i love making these so#<- i just want to be silly 🙁🙁
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I WANT TO HEAR YOUR DAKOTA N VYNCENT THOUGHTS SO BAD please tell me about them.....
oooh dakota and vyncent…, where do i start. i warn you i don't normally do like. character analysis writing type posts? so please excuse if it's bad.
they have perhaps the most strained relationship out of the prime defenders. but that's not necessarily a bad thing. it's really compelling. they're very similar but also very different at the same time. and maybe this is why they can sort of grate against each other sometimes, but is also why they are such good friends who can rely on each other.
vyncent grew up living a life that, while not necessarily comfortable, he was familiar with. he was happy and he had a support system in the greats and his parents. that got ripped away from him very suddenly and he got dropped in the deep end of a world entirely unfamiliar. meanwhile dakota (from after his parents death onwards) had a very difficult childhood. he spent many years without a support system - his parents gone, his aunt struggling herself and not able to care for him as he needs. but he's had time to learn to deal with that. rockfall/new haven is where he's grown up, and he knows it like the back of his hand. so they're both struggling but like in opposite ways? where vyncent has been okay for most of his life but now he hasn't had a chance to adjust, while dakota's been going through it for longer but that means he's been able to adjust and is familiar with the rules of this world.
they also have opposite ways of coping with bad things / tackling their problems. dakota shuts down. vyncent lashes out. dakota is determined to never take a life. vyncent comes from a world where fighting to the death is normal. dakota not only trusts, but idolises heroes. vyncent has been nothing but let down by them and doesn't trust them at all.
i think about that scene in season 1 so much where they're at mark's house, and tide has been taken, and dakota's just shut down. vyncent starts yelling at him because he's lost everything he had in this world and can't afford to just stop like that. it's just the perfect example of how their opposite experiences and coping mechanisms cause them to clash.
more extremely, when william gets killed. dakota completely breaks down, while vyncent starts attacking even more furiously. then vyncent is like. almost pleading (? you could say? not sure if thats the word) with dakota to just get up and fight because he can't do this alone. he can't do this without dakota. he couldn't have done any of this without dakota.
but in perhaps the more simple ways, they're quite alike. they're the epitome of dumb teenage boys. i mean, they'll just break into a duet on the train. they goof off together - the shopping cart race, that one scene in the gym in season one.
so. like. they lean on each other. they both don't have much to rely on. but they have each other. i think vyncent was probably, even if its a large part subconsicous, feeling betrayed when dakota left over the s1-2 timeskip. likewise how dakota felt betrayed over the bino and mark thing / mal amulet / belltech, etc. etc. but they stick together. no matter what they go through they get out of it, and they get out of it together.
so. okay apologies for taking so long to say so little. essentially what i like most about dakota and vyncent's friendship is that duality of relying on each other both out of necessity and because they're the only ones who really get each other, and also having the energy of like. "hey bro how many slices of pizza can i fit in my mouth at once. hey bro bet you cant backflip off of this building. hey bro let's do a karaoke duet of breaking free from high school musical"
as vyncent himself said in late season 2. they're brothers. (falls over and sobs)
#thank you for giving me the opportunity to yap about this#it makes me very very happy when people want to hear my opinions / thoughts on these characters i love so dearly#sorry if this is incoherent lol i get anxious about making posts like these#im not the most eloquent but i do hope people understand what im trying to say here#this is what i was trying to convey in that art piece. that sense of loneliness from the world but company in each other.#simultaneously being just silly pals but also having way too much responsibility and just. leaning on each other#and everything isnt okay but it will be. it has to be. because we always figure something out.#i mean they are like this in a way with william too but it just. it feels slightly different with these two in particular. idk.#i also have MANY thoughts about them specifically in the context of my death prince au (big fic im drafting)#which i will SO happily share if literally anybody wants but. i wont include that here and bombard you lol#jrwi dakota#jrwi vyncent#jrwi spoilers#jrwi pd spoilers
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The diffriders are so fucking fascinating to me specifically flare trooper dumjid bc like. You take a dragon mercenary who has seen war and has actively watched many comrades die. His whole thing is that he’s a perfect guard and thus the only one who survived, leading to a fucked up conception of himself as above death. And then you have him possess the body of some kid who presumably agrees to let him see earth bc That’s His Favorite Card And He Thinks He’s Cool and who’s probably like 12 (sorry saori I have no clue how old you are I’m just guessing based off taiyou + hiroki) and just. Walk around on earth (where are saori’s parents btw. Like you could say this about most vanguard characters but where are saori’s parents/guardians/friends do they know what “saori” is up to?? Does anyone who knew him pre-diffride realize how different he’s been acting?). Play a card game where he commands his dead comrades bc shiranui is paying him (which. How is he paying him, earth currency or cray currency? And what IS cray currency for that matter?). The only thing he likes about earth is the music but he is specifically cursed to keep having his headphones break. When a unit who’s diffriding a human dies in the human’s body, both the unit and the human die on both planets, and besides the money dumjid is only on shiranui’s team bc antero/miguel DIED, a fact which he’s fully aware of and iirc derides him for (may be wrong abt that one though). He constantly tells people to die when he’s cardfighting them. He is laid-back about vanguard and doesn’t care much until he loses a cardfight and because loss and death are inextricably linked in his mind he proceeds to get Super Fucked Up About It bc he’s built his entire self image off being The One Who Survives and losing the cardfight is akin to confirming that it’s possible for him to die & he especially can’t accept that Some Random Humans have the ability to take him out. Sometimes he shows his opponents the battlefield and the bodies of his comrades and they really don’t seem to devote much thought to it (like. What??? I get that chrono & friends love vanguard and chrono does address it a little bit but mostly iirc just to say “I don’t think that’s what vanguard actually does/that’s not OUR vanguard”). He’s affected worse and worse with each loss and joins a group trying to end the world to get revenge on the humans who’ve beaten him (iirc unclear whether he knows the success of the destruction of the earth will destroy him too). He becomes the last of the original diffriders - chaos breaker dragon doesn’t count he was diffridden during U20 - to remain on earth, a point which he makes sure to bring up as proof of his superior survival abilities. The kid whose body he’s possessing expresses that he’s not happy about the way dumjid’s acting and dumjid doesn’t give a shit and continues to puppet his body around. Just, everything about him as a character is so fascinating in a concerning way and, like shiranui, he brings up the fact that vanguard is Real in a way that the earth characters don’t really consider - yes they have strong imaginations and genuine attachment to their units, but ultimately they’re playing a card game where even if cards get sent to the drop/damage zones they can come back for the next battle* whereas on cray they’re fighting Actual Battles and the units that die die For Real And Permanently. Unlike shiranui, who eventually began to see vanguard as a method of reunion with his dead friends and decided that what he’d been told about earth vanguard being a direct cause for his friends’ deaths might be wrong, Dumjid never changes his view on earth vanguard after “experiencing death”, so when he finally loses and goes back to cray he’s essentially dragged back clawing and screaming. I don’t know, there’s just something about him that’s sooooo soooo fascinating to me
#*not counting g zones in battles with zeroth dragons except that chrono’s g zone DID come back#though that was probably only possible due to his Singularity so that’s a special case ig#also saori is kinda fascinating too in that he’s just some normal kid who agrees to let dumjid puppeteer his body bc he looks up to him#and then dumjid brings all his baggage and Completwlg Fucking Spirals and saori’s like I Want To Get Off This Ride Now but he Can’t#and while he once let dumjid control him now dumjids controlling him by force#and saori Doesn’t Like What He’s Doing but he Can’t Control His Own Body and he’s moving and speaking but it Isn’t Him#and even after dumjid is sent back from cray he falls in a coma#and I’m pretty sure he was in the coma for the longest time out of the people that were diffriden#which makes sense considering how much longer dumjid was controlling him for#but imagine waking up and you’re finally you again#but you have to deal with the fact that someone who you thought was cool used your body to try to start the apocalypse#and it affected your physical health too + you probably remember feeling all the things that dumjid felt#like. what. and I think we only saw him non-diffridden that one time in the last episode on his team with taiyou and hiroki#which was very cute and all and I’m glad he at least got friends out of it but Good God#anyways all the diffriders are just Fascinating to me and I could probably talk like this abt all of them#but I probably think about dumjid the most bc of *gestures* All That#sorry I have Gotta Yap Disease but I think I’m done now probably.#cfvg#fuchidaka saori#kind of#flare trooper dumjid#guess we’re tagging units now
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Update 6/24
Hi! I'm currently working on a website to host the comic on! just wanted to say i will still be posting pages & artwork for the comic here but I hope for it to be the main place i'll host it on eventually, once I get it up and running and everything. Considering that I've realized recently that i am not too into tumblr as a website or social media in general and tend to get bored with it, i thought this might be the best idea as I can have a nice isolated site for it which I can customize to my liking, but still have it in a blog format here for accessibility/ease of use sake. :)
#I also want to be more anonymous online if that makes sense? If i'm going to be a person online I either want to be my irl self that my#friends and family can see and that randos on the internet cant#or an anonymous artist guy who doesnt have to worry about people knowing my private information because I just want to draw stuff lol#but having a public tumblr blog with my thoughts and opinions and info about myself on it is a weird in between that quite honestly#stresses me out! thats what my journal is for haha.#so seperating my two online identities like this is the best thing i think#i have my personal & irl self and then like.... my business artist self. and its nice to have that separation#sorry for yapping. just wanted to give some context for my feelings on why i'm gonna be stepping away from what ive been doing on my#personal blog and stuff#and why I don't link it on here anymore. etc#and why im making it private lol. its a great time capsule of my middle school self but thats for me myself & i to suffer with preferably
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rip Magnus Carter you would have loved causing problems for the general public and also not having mad cow syndrome
#i heart that funky bisexual boy#fun fact he's a spiderman oc that got into some complications with cannibalism and morbius. those two things are unrelated i just wanted to#clarify. hes not a good guy lmao#imagine if spiderman wasn't really spiderman but he was some random ginger teenager living in the sewers 'communicating to the spiders' who#he feeds by dragging helpless strangers into the sewers and letting the spiders eat them ! so basically spiderman already kind of exists#in his universe but he's like. a weird freaky villain guy varient of them somehow? I couldn't think of any weird spide rvillain names so he#is just kind of known as The Spider or The Spider King but I'm also a big nerd for greek myths so I kinda wanna make him be known as Arachn#anyways the way that he's technically kind of like spiderman is because he was bit by these weird carnivorous sentient spiders that were#experimented on by some big company probably oscorp and they tried to eat him but when they bit him he got the silly powers and so they wer#like 'ooooh! he is the one we follow! please feed us human flesh little human boy!' and so he listened to them because the poison that gave#him the powers in the first place was already incredibly corrosive so it very much made him a lot more physically ill than he already was#but the spiders were like 'noooo what we have no idea whats going on just take some more of our acidic blood so you can be all powerful !'#even though that was killing him anyways eventually skipping over a lot of stuff i dont have time to yap about he figured out that he could#control the spiders kind of in a way? idk i made this when I was an emo middle schooler ignore this if it's cringe but anyways spiderman#kind of started realizing what was going on so he ended up kinda having to fight that guy and he ended up killing his Gwen Stacy and since#this spiderman doesn't have a no kill rule he kinda killed him :p theres more lore for him but that's just his universe's magnus#carter lore anyways sorry for infodumping I got excited and silly cause I haven't gotten to yap about him in so long#I really like it when villains are genuinely horror novel level disturbing if that makes sense for why he's so fucked up and weird#oh also the morbius thing is for a different version of him ! I may yap about that version of him at a future date
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ok guys its not funny anymore when is d&p hard lauching im starting to getting anxious /hj
#this is mostly in jest bc idk if they will and im okay with that they do what they feel comfortable and their life is none of my business#but if they plan to. can they do it faster. had a moment rewatching BIG where it got to me... wow... theyve had something REALLY special#for 15 years huh. dan is finally living his truth and a life happier than before but during this journey he had phil at a such important#point of his life. they endured so much. and probably fucked up in between bc we humans arent perfect and thats ok we make mistakes even if#they might hurt the person we love but hey. they persevered and now are thriving even more than before#and i got so emotional like... dudes... i want to tell you both thru the means where is possible for me that im so proud and so happy#for you both and you work and your journey and for experiencing pure queer joy that all queer people deserve#BUT LIKE AS MUCH AS ALL OF IT IS OBVIOUS AND SERIOUSLY DONT EVEN NEED A VERBAL CONFIRMATION ITS CLEARLY AS ITS PRESENTED#IDK I FEEL LIKE THEY HARDLAUNCHING WOULD GIVE LIKE. A SENSE OF PERMISSION FOR ME.#LIKE HEY WERE CHOOSING OURSELVES TO TELL YOU THIS INFORMATION ABOUT OUR PRIVATE LIFE#AND NOW YOURE FREE TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE WE WANT TO HAVE A UPPERHAND ON THIS ON OUR PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIP#SO ITS A BOUNDARY FOR US AND FOR YOU#AND ILL BE LIKE THANK YOU FOR THE PERMISSION. SO HAPPY FOR YOU MARRIAGE OF 15 YEARS#idk guys im weird i genuinely just like to treat celebrities like theyre just another human being i find while i go on about my day#it even took me a while to read phan rpf fics not bc i thought it was like OOOO PROBLEMATIQUE but bc i felt genuinely guilty even tho i#joined the phan bandwagon back in the day#i only let myself joke nowadays bc theyre more open and comfortable with it and such so like... i allowed myself for that and the jokes#but still. o|-< i get embarassed sometimes just bc theyve not publicaly disclosed what ARE they NOW (outside of all the soulmate metaphors)#its not a them problem tho its a me problem im too empathic for no reason#ANYWAYS SORRY FOR YAPPING ON THE TAGS CAN YOU TELL I MANAGED TO BUY MY ADHD MEDS AGAIN#j.txt
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i want a princess zelda thats a little silly. a little unhinged. plagued by visions. aware of the cycle and her role in this all (probably the most emotionally damaging realization you could have). a little erratic. but also very tender and she loves her friends very much. she doesnt like the cycle and she wants to go against it but she doesnt quite know how and neither does Link so these two kids are just completely stumped while they slowly crumble under the pressure and only have each other. how would this work???? i dont know. i am figuring that out :33333 because realizing you are literally ONLY alive to propagate and "fix" evil or whatever must be one of the most horrifying things you can realize as a person. i need a trio who dont represent their parts of the triforce very well and resent it because they wish they couldve at least been born blissfully ignorant
#and a really nuanced ganondorf pls i am NOT leaving him out of the existential horrors#i feel like no one ever talks abt the fact that hyrule is literally stuck in an endless cycle of destruction where#link zelda and ganon are just physical manifestations of the triforce and literally nothing more#and they have to do shit just because no questions asked with no room for judgement or their own emotions#because thats horrifying actually#i think i just want another game like majoras mask#tbh#are we just not gonna touch on the like. irrevocable childhood trauma??? (botw kind of did ig??)#i gen feel bad for them and im tweaking off the zelda brainrot really hard#i thinjk the darkest zelda game concept is one where they are all fully aware of the cycle and the part they play and the fact that#no matter what anyone does#this will repeat over and over#and theres nothing you can do to stop it#sorry for yapping idk if i make sense its midnight and im sleepy#more sims content soon i promis
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I think...Arty is so aggressive and lashes out so much is bc he feels like he needs to have control over everything. if he has control over the events in his life, nothing bad will happen. if he has control, he won't lose his loved ones again. if he pushes everyone away, he can't be scared of losing anyone in the first place. too bad Danse manages to worm his way into Art's mind and doesn't leave it.
#kasper yaps#artemis tag#thinking about them tonight uuggfhhhh#i think thats why when they DO get intimate and physical art is always always in charge#he chooses what happens and how it happens#if he wants to grab danse and make out and just walk away and know its his decision. then he will bc hes the one in control#does any of this even make sense. im gay sorry
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