#sorry if i went off on a tangent or whatever this has been genuinely bothering me

[ivystitches]

i looked at the cody ko reddit once and have been getting a bunch of notifications from it since and more than anything, i can’t understand why everyone on there is so damn dismissive of fans expressing how hurt they are by this?? i agree that we don’t know these celebs, but these are people who have been very vocal about their ‘beliefs’ - there’s clips of cody condemning the very behaviour that he allegedly engaged in, and i think it’s just such a cynical take on life to brush it all off as “well why would you believe him?” because there was no reason not to? his fans have a right to be upset by this, and they have a right to express that within their fandom. it’s just such a sad environment you’ve created if you keep shutting down anyone who says they’re upset by this with the classic “you’re too parasocial”. i’ve watched one cody ko video in my entire life i think, and even i was upset by it because it’s an upsetting thing! i don’t like the resignation to this idea that they must be bad, because why would it be any other way? people are not inherently bad, why would you adopt such a cynical take on life?

[books-and-catears]

I liked the one about a ghost MC it was a really cute idea! I wanted to request something similar, where the MC who has a the appearance of the Japanese slit mouthed woman. She is a regular human and you can decide if she got the scar's from an accident or not, but she always where's a face mask to hide it and eats alone rather then with the brothers. When she's asked why they say "People can't eat when I they see my face." But one day she finally trusts the brothers enough to show her face.

OH MY GOD I KNOW THIS GHOST. If I'm not wrong, this ghost is called the Kuchisake Onna, kuchi meaning mouth.

This is so wholesome I love it. Your asks are so adorable :')

It has been forever since the accident. And yet the scar makes it feel like yesterday. Two scars running up towards your cheeks, making it look like you're constantly smiling. You hated mirrors at this point, without your mask especially.

You hear loud talking from the dining room downstairs as you stare at your meal on your study table. When was the last time you ate a meal with other people?

"What do you mean you won't eat with us MC?" Mammon and Asmo parotted every other day.

"People can't eat when they see my face." You left with that reply, refusing to answer the follow up questions.

Yours was a face only a mother could love, they said. Some screamed, some smiled sympatheticallly, the others nervously scattered away from the last time you tried to eat out by yourself. The restaurant requested you to leave since they were losing customers.

You walk up to the stairway, watching the brothers in their usual chaos. Maybe - just maybe, they won't be repulsed. Surely they've seen more horrifying things than you?

"Um..." You cleared your throat loudly. All of them stopped and looked at you. You usually never showed up until half an hour after meals.

But today you called out to the one of them. "Would you mind eating with me tonight...?"

Lucifer

"Of course I wouldn't mind MC."

He promptly got up with his plate as if he was already prepped for this day. Swiftly follows you into your room.

He sat down across you and began eating normally. "Thank you for inviting me in MC. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Nothing just..." You said untying your mask. "It felt like a good day." The mask fell off your face into your lap.

You paused and stared at Lucifer. He only looked shocked for a split second before a hidden rage clouded beneath his eyes. "Did someone deliberately-"

"No it was an accident. I was getting my teeth fixed when the lights went out and I moved. And something cut through my- well you can see." You explained.

"I see. Well that's quite unfortunate." Lucifer said and began picking at his plate.

You felt uneasy as chewed your food."You can leave if you feel repulsed. I wouldn't force you to-"

"No such thing MC. I was just thinking of consulting Satan and Solomon. Surely they know of spells that can heal your scars if you want them gone." Lucifer replied promptly. "And it's going to take a lot more than scars to scare us demons away."

"Lucifer...thank you." You said quietly.

"If possible I'd like to eat dinner with you from now on, MC. Frankly it's much calmer and it's a relief from my brothers."

After a long time, you laugh without your mask on.

Mammon

"I'll be right there, MC!"

Hurriedly grabs whatever food he has making a mess and jumps to his feet. He is in such a hurry, it's a miracle he didn't drop half of his dinner.

He plops down across the table from you, grinning ear to ear. "Of course you'd choose the Great Mammon to eat with ya!"

You nodded and chuckled, "Of course. But would you choose to eat with me?" Your pulled your mask away from your face.

His eyes went wide and then watery in the same instant. Is he..crying? "I-Im sorry..." You feel horrible so you hurry and tie the mask back up. Mammon grabs your hands and holds them down.

"I'm not crying stupid human! I'm just...you..you must have been in pain..when that happened." He said. "Who did this to you..."

"It's okay it was an accident, Mammon." You try to calm him down.

"Then why do you hide it? It's not even your fault!" Mammon said pouting. You looked down, "People get uncomfortable..."

Mammon shot up from his chair. "WHO DARE MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT IT? Show me I'll get them all! Noone messes with my human! I'm yer protector ain't I?! You never have to wear that thing around me!"

You blushed as he moved forward and hugged you, burying your face into his shoulder. "Mammon..."

You knew he was the best protector out there.

Leviathan

"I'm coming right away, don't worry MC!"

Stumbles around with his plate at your sudden invitation. His day has come. He is the chosen one.

He struggles to sit down, feeling estatic and nervous at the same time. "I didn't think you'd want to eat with me of all people, MC..."

"After tonight, maybe you'll feel that way about me Levi..." You said, taking off your mask. His face lit up as he let out a loud "Woahhh!"

Thinking he was scared you tried to hide it again before he screamed, "MC you look just like my favourite character from that horror romance anime "I fell for my best friend's scarred smile! That's so cool!"

You blink at him, blushing. What is with him and his oddly specific anime names!? Levi was oblivious to your shock ,going off at his own tangent. "You could pull off the perfect cosplay, come to my room tomorrow I can design it for you and then I'll make my own to go with it and we can go to the next convention-"

"Levi Levi calm down you'll run out of breath!" You couldn't hold in your laughter.

He stared at you awestruck,"So cute...why would you hide that cute face MC?" You shake your head, "Not everyone sees it as cute Levi."

"Well sucks for them to be such stupid normies." Levi blushed and scoffed.

Levi was the best friend everyone deserves and you were glad to have him.

Satan

"I'd be delighted to join you MC."

Was slightly taken aback at first but quickly composes himself and his dinner and follows you. His pace faster than usual.

Pulls out your chair for you like a gentleman and sits down himself. You smile and blush at the action. "So how was your day MC?" He asks like a gentleman, avoiding the elephant in the room, choosing it normalise it. You let the mask fall off your face.

"Oh..." Satan sat up straight, his shoulders stiff, his eyes going wide in anger. "Who dared to-"

"No no no Satan it was an accident!" You had to explain the whole thing for him to calm down. Then he nodded and held out his palm. "May I see how the deep the scar is MC?"

That was new. Noone has wanted to touch your scars before. When you nod, he reaches out and runs his fingers softly across your scars. "Hmm don't worry. They're not too deep. I can have them gone in a matter of days. That is if you'd like to me to."

It's like he knew. As much as you hated that scar, it kind of helped you see people's true intentions. You looked down unsure. Satan held your hand. "It's normal to get attached to scars you have for too long. None of us here will treat you any differently with or without it."

You smiled at him and held one of his fingers playfully. He laughed, his cheeks turning pink. "Ah now that's a smile I'd love to see everyday. May I have dinner with you more often MC?"

"Of course." His words and his presence were always calming to you.

Asmodeus

"I was wondering when you'd ask MC!"

Daintily picks up all of things and paces after you. He was excited but he restrained himself but he didn't want to scare you off.

Sits down close to you, smiling gleefully. He's just happy to be there with you. Grabs something off your plate with a fork and holds it upto your mouth. "MC come here let me feed you!"

It was probably the most nerve wracking to open your mask in front of him. The Avatar of Lust, the most beautiful being in Hell, and you- ugh, what's the point? You've come this far, let's get it over with. You put your mask down, bite off the potato off his fork.

You'd think Asmo would probably gasp and act all dramatic and hysterical. But instead he cupped your face, his eyes filled with worry and tenderness. "MC how long have you had this...?"

"A little over three years." You answered honestly. Asmo looked like he was about to cry. "You've been hiding away your pretty face from people for three years..." Asmo pulled you in a hug. "Noone deserves that. It's too lonely."

"Oh I'd hardly call it pretty-" Before you can even retort, he is glaring and pouting at you, holding your shoulders.

"I think I know beauty a little better than you, MC. And I say you're gorgeous and I'm going to eat with you everyday now." Asmo huffed to which you laughed.

Everyone deserves a hypeman like Asmo in their lives.

Beelzebub

"Oh? Me? Sure MC!"

Is surprised but happily goes along with you with all his food. You know he loves you when he gets midway from eating just to eat in your room.

He sits across, already muching away at his food. "Thank you for asking me to eat with you MC." You nod and tentatively take your mask off, trying not to draw too much attention for it.

Beel looks up shocked, his mouth full of food but he stopped chewing. He involuntarily reaches out to touch you, "Does it hurt MC?"

You shake your head. "It's years old Beel. It's okay. " Beel looks genuinely relieved at that and goes back to eating again. He doesn't seem bothered by it at all after that.

"Say MC will you be free next week? I could use your help in the new workout I'm doing. I need to train particular muscles for the big game they said." He switched to a whole new topic just like that. "Also this means I get to eat with you every day right?"

You felt warm inside. You were more than just your scar and Beel made you feel like that by hardly saying anything at all.

Belphegor

"...me huh? No I wouldn't mind."

Has a smug grin on his face as he gathers up his meal and slowly heads upward with you, making sure his brothers see how you chose him over the others. Cheeky cow.

He sits leaning into you cause he's too lazy to sit up straight. "So what's the special occasion MC? A face reveal?" Wow this one is direct.

He is staring right at you, as you pull off the mask slowly, thinking if it was a bad idea. His eyes grow wide for a split second before his fingers are already near your mouth feeling the scars.

"Deliberate or accident?" He asks. "Accident." You answer. He nods, "Good. I'm too tired today, wouldn't be able to take appropriate revenge." His fingers never leave your face.

"Is that why you keep it covered? You're embarrassed of it?" He asks. You think about it for a while. "I think I accepted it, it just seemed to make people uncomfortable and scared, if I smiled or opened my mouth to eat." You answer.

He smirked. "Then smile more. Let their cowardly selves feel uncomfortable. It's their problem that they can't see how cute your smile is."

That was surprisingly thoughtful. You smiled at him. "Thanks..."

He smirked back, "Also I'm going to be eating here from now on. My brothers annoy me."

He's cheeky but he has a good heart. Smiling never felt so easy.

[forthehpfanboys]

Intact

Pair: George Weasley x Reader; he/him.

Summary: Life goes to hell when your mother, who happens to be Bellatrix LeStrange AND a Death Eater, finds out you joined the Order of the Phoenix with your boyfriend. 

Warnings: Swearing, child abuse?, I guess it's more like assault? Dark, probably graphic?? 

Notes: 100/10 on this one. Honestly it was fun to write-

~DO NOT REPOST ANYWHERE~

-

You knew the moment you stepped into the house she knew and it wasn’t a good thing. The house was borderline destroyed from the glass shattered on the floor from the ‘family portrait’ on the floor to the burn marks across walls. Your shoes crunched as you walked across the remains of the crystal chandler that's been in the house for generations. You entered the living room and was immediately struck with a spell that had your black slamming into the wall. 

"You rat! You sniveling, useless, pathetic little rodent!” Her hoarse voice revealed how long she’d been screaming. She kicked the coffee table in the center of the room off to the side. “I should've known!" your mother screamed, her wand tightening in her hand. Her arm stayed stretched out, showing her lack of hesitance and empathy toward you. "You were always so ungrateful! So unbelievably selfish!" You held your head in your hands. A headache was throbbing beside your temples- you must've really hit your head on the wall- and her screaming was not helping it out at all. Her yells echoed in the house, almost shaking the shattered windows of the living room.

"What are you going on about?" you asked, finally raising your head to look at her. Her makeup was messy, her hair was an actual rats nest and her eyes were darker than you've ever seen. She looked insane, more so than usual.

"Don't act like you don't know! You betrayed the Dark Lord for that.. That boy!" Bellatrix screeched out, making long steps across the shard covered carpet to corner you. "Honestly! A Weasley, (Y/n)! A blimey, no good for nothing blood traitor! I raised you better than that!"

You stared at her with wide eyes. She knew. Oh, of course she knew who you were sneaking out almost every night to see! She probably found out herself or maybe Draco tattled, that coward. It didn’t matter how she knew, she knew you were with a Weasley, sneaking out almost every night to see him, the other Weasleys and the Order. 

"Raised me? I'm sorry, raised me?!" You genuinely had to laugh at that. "You can not take credit for how I came out! You didn't raise me!  No, no even close! You dropped me off at the Malfoys like a stray dog.” You didn’t even flinch when she jabbed her wand right under your chin, a sneer growing on her features. 

You tried to ignore how much it hurt to be ditched by your own mother, forced to swivel and basically praise the Malfoys for taking in someone like you. You were nothing compared to Draco. Everyone wanted a compliant son like Draco, but no, you had to be different, see your mother for how she really was. You could remember when she showed up one random day after graduating your 4th year, claiming she loved you, missed you, how times got too tough to have a baby boy around the house. The thought now made you sick. She didn’t care about you for fourteen years, but suddenly she does. Since then, life has been hell. Except around George. 

“I should’ve left you on the streets.” Her voice was barely a whisper as she grabbed your shoulder. Her unusually sharp nails seemed to phase right through your shirt. “I should’ve drowned you in a river, I should’ve given you to the Dark Lord himself.” Her nails dug deeper into your skin, puncturing it, leading to small droplets of red to seep into the cotton of your shirt. Your pain must’ve made itself known because she smirked and tossed her head back in loud laughter that made your temples throb again. “I should’ve killed you myself.” She pulled away from you, stepping back a few paces before turning swiftly to face you once again. She did a curtsy, not taking her eyes off you. 

“Clearly, there’s a lot we both should’ve done.” Your voice cracked as you pulled out your own wand from your pocket, holding it tightly. You stepped forward a few spaces and bowed, understanding what she wanted. She wanted you to suffer. She casted a spell before you could even blink, her laugh echoed in the house again.

“Crucio!” 

Your body slammed against the wall a second time, except this time, it felt like your heart was actually going to stop. It felt like every nerve was being ripped in half one by one, like you were being burned alive but drowning in an icy river at the same time. You physically couldn’t stop the scream of pure agony that ripped from your throat. 

You crashed to the floor as your muscles tensed up. The spell lifted before another scream could fly from your lips, giving your now aching muscles a break. You curled into a tight  ball, your knees to your chest, as your.. ‘Mother’ let out yet another cackling laugh. Honestly, you weren’t sure she ever stopped.

“What’s wrong, (Y/n)? Too much for you? Maybe I should just call you Weasley. You’re just as pathetic and dimwitted as they are.” She giggled, bouncing on her feet, before doing a spin. “Oh, I do love your scream though.” 

You were trying to blink through the tears and ignore the way your gut was twisting itself up. You officially envied anyone who said crap about Longbottom's parents- they didn’t deserve this. Through the tears, your eyes landed on your wand, just in arms reach. With a shaky, weak hand, you reached for it, an equally shaky breath leaving your lips when your fingertips grazed across the wood. It was so close. that was, until a heal came to rest into the back of your hand.

“Oh, I’m sorry, my insane rambling is too boring for you, is it?” Bellatrix spat out. She lowered herself onto one knee, putting testing her weight against the bones in your skin. You sucked in a breath, your eyes squinting shut. While she was down there, she decided to go on a tangent on how her life was so difficult, how she couldn’t have her love with her, whoever the fuck that was, and how she was a good mother. 

“You’re such a bitch.” You whispered out. While the witch was so worried about your hand and spitting all over your face with her sob story, you’d managed to grab your wand. You threw a punch, right to her crooked grin. The punch wasn’t your strongest, but it gave you enough leeway to wiggle your hand free and aim your wand at her, casting stupefy to throw her back. Before she could do anything else, you booked it out the door, running as fast as you could. You didn’t look behind you when she started screaming again.

“Ingrate! Go run off to those pathetic blood-traitors! You deserve to be with your own kind! A bunch of filthy low-lives!” 

You rounded the corner and apparated to where you knew they would be, where you’d be safe. With a crisp pop, you were in front of the door of none other than Sirius’ Black’s home. You didn’t bother knocking, you didn’t need too. You stumbled into the house, effectively cutting off everyone’s casual conversation in the living room. You ignored Molly’s gentle calls and Remus trying to see if you were ok. You just sprinted up the stairs, calling for your boyfriend. 

You didn’t even realize you were crying until your body collided with George’s, his arm wrapping tightly around your waist while the other went straight to your hair. He rocked your back and forth, his voice whispering everything was going to be ok in your ear. You didn’t even notice the crowd forming behind you.

“Cupcake, I’m going to need you to tell me what happened, ok?” He gently pulled you from his chest, his hands cupping your wet cheeks to wipe away your tears.

“She knows. Someone told her- or- or she followed us but she knows and-” You took in a shaky breath, being gently dragged back into a hug by the ginger. You couldn’t see it, but George, while never usually one to jump to violence, was close to throwing hands.

“LeStrange?” He asked, wanting clarification over who the ‘she’ actually was. When you nodded into his chest, his arms tightened around you. “Ok,’ he whispered, “ok, how about we go assess the damage, hmm?” He guided you down the hall, ignoring the questions about what happened, and taking you straight to the clean bathroom. 

George shut the door once you were sitting on the edge of the bathtub. He wasn’t quite sure if he was more heartbroken over the fact that you were shaking, struggling to breath and bouncing your leg rapidly or pissed that she dared to lay a hand on you. He knelt in front of you, a sad smile across his lips as he rubbed your knees. “What did she do, love?” 

You told him about the wrecked house, the yelling, the headache, the tiny scabs on your shoulder and how she fucking stood on your hand. You left out the curse, worried he’d actually go over there himself and hex the daylights out of her. No one would admit it but any Weasley could easily go from lovable dorks to murderous slayers in 3.4 seconds if provoked correctly. 

“Can I see your shoulder? I want to make sure it won’t get infected with whatever she carries.” His fingers gently pulled at the hem of your shirt, his eyes staring into yours as he waited for your approval. You suddenly found it hard to speak. He wasn’t gentle all the time, but when he was, it always stole your breath. 

When you finally nodded and raised your arms, he slipped your shirt over your head. The fabric slipped from his grasp as he stared at your bare chest, shoulders and arms. You could see every emotion flickering past his irises- worry, sadness, anger. 

“What?” You followed his gaze. Along your chest, stomach and shoulders, a bright red pattern of welts had formed. How you didn’t notice, you weren’t sure, but now that you were looking at them, they started throbbing. The marks seemed to mimic lightning bolts, but rounder, breaking apart and covering your body, but they all started at one spot. An angry lopsided organic shape stood out below your right peck, just on your rib cage- that was where the spell hit. The marks didn’t stop at your shoulders, or your neck. They traveled down to your very fingertips and a few made themselves known just along your jaw and across your cheek.

“(Y/n),” His use of your first name unnerved you, “what aren’t you telling me?” George’s hand reached out to gently touch where the bitch’s spell hit you while his eyes flicked up to yours. You stayed quiet, your chest shaking as you took in another nervous breath. You licked your lips, thinking over your next words carefully.

“She may have used the Cruciatus Curse on me.” You looked down at your hands, fiddling with your fingers. You heard him take a sharp breath. He whispered a quick ‘can you give me a moment?’ before walking out of the bathroom. You heard his heavy footsteps travel down the hall before a door slammed open, rattling the mirror hanging on the bathroom wall. 

“Freddie, I’m going to fucking lose it!” George’s voice carried easily through the hallway, causing you to jump. “No, I will not calm down! Shut up and listen!” The younger twin never spoke to his brother like that. “The crucio curse, Fred! The fucking, the, you know! For- I swear-” The door to the shared room slammed shut, the rattling mirror doing it’s thing again as you sat awkwardly in the bathroom alone. George kept going on and on about stuff you could no longer make out, but you could assume they were death threats sworn to come true.

After about 2 minutes, George came back, Fred trailing right behind him, a baggy Irish themed quidditch shirt and a pair of red sweatpants in his arms. George set the clothes down while Fred looked at the marks. 

“Bloody hell.” Fred sat down next to you. “Do they still hurt?” He let out a sigh of relief when you shook your head no. “Thank Merlin for that.” 

While Fred was chatting away, George had knelt in front of you again, his hand on the ball joint of your shoulder, his wand in his other hand. He whispered a quick healing curse on the five scabs before handing you the Irish t-shirt. 

“You ok?” George asked once the shirt was on. His hands had come back to your knees at some point and you weren’t quite sure when, but you appreciated the familiar warmth. 

“I don’t know. “ Your eyes were cast downward at the marks across your forearms and wrist, your eyebrows furrowed in frustration. “I… Don’t you think they’re.. Meeeh?” You raised your arms a little, referring to the scars. 

“Really?” The red-head trouble makers asked in unison, causing you to turn between them a few times. 

“What?” 

“Sunshine.” George spoke up from the floor, his hands twiddling together as he got your attention. He smiled a little when your eyes looked down into his. “Remember Umbridge?”

“Of course I do. I was there- I left with you guys-”

“Hush, I’m trying to be inspirational.” His words cause you to grin and snort. “Well, then you must remember the quill.” He brought his hand into your view, showing what he thought was oh so important he told you to hush. The scars from the quill were still there, only faded, but still extra pale against his normal tone. “You could hardly see ours anymore, love.”

You reached out for his hand hesitating, but in the end, you were running your fingers across the skin, noting the change in textures. You turned to Fred, who flashed you the same grin and held his hand up, revealing the same scars. 

“Right..” You smiled, turning back to the twin you called yours. “They fade but-”

“-let you tell stories that strengthen you.” The twins finished, a wider smile on both of their faces. Fred stood up, ruffling your hair before heading out of the bathroom. George stood up after handing you the sweats. 

“I’ll let you get dressed here, cupcake. Come on back to the room whenever you're ready.” George planted a kiss to your cheek before planting one swift one to your lips and heading out of the bathroom, shutting the door softly behind him.

“What would Molly say?” You asked, changing your pants and confirming the scars did run down to your ankles.

“After what you went through? She wouldn’t have the heart to make you stay anywhere else.” George called through the door before walking down the hallway to his room. You splashed some cold water on your face, hoping to wash away some of the trauma today would leave behind. 

Once your face was dry, you walked from the bathroom, to the shared room with the twins. You didn’t bother knocking once again, knowing you were more welcomed here than anywhere else. You plopped yourself on the bed, besides your boyfriend and snuggled into his side. Sure today would leave scars, mental and physical, but as George’s arms wrapped around you, you realized he was all you would need to stay intact in the end. 

And yeah, George did keep his promise for revenge in the end.

[verybisexualcoffeebean]

Whelp, I’m pissed off - for the third time this week - so I’m subjecting you all to another Spn rant. Sincerest apologies.

Let me preface all of this with a question: why do you people have to make it so goddamn hard for yourselves and others to enjoy things?

Guys. I’m sorry, but you cannot seriously believe there is a homophobic conspiracy in the CW - THE CW of all fucking places - in the year of our lord 2020💀

I grew up in Mexico watching dubbed movies, it’s not the first time they switch dialogue. They do it a lot, whether it’s making slight changes or saying something else outright. Do I know why they do that? No. But they do sometimes, this isn’t a new thing.

Also, as a person who regularly delves into the realm of homosexual activity, who is coming from a well-intentioned, genuine place, please get a life. Go outside, or don’t since we’re in a pandemic, but you catch my drift. There’s more to who you are than your queer identity. And there’s more to your queer identity than some ship in a TV show. In fact, ideally no part of your queerness should hinge on a ship from a TV show. (And if you’re not queer, and you were just here shipping, then please get a life. I have nothing more to say to you). It’s just a TV show. It’s not that deep. I promise the CW isn’t out to get you. They were just trying to give Cas a nice send off that would coincide with his character and please the fans. It is not that deep. It’s just a TV show. A TV show in which the ship you’re all having a meltdown about wasn’t even a central aspect, and was never meant to be, but I digress.

I did genuinely enjoy all 15 seasons of this show. And look, I went through a shipping phase. I get the excitement. That’s totally cool! Enjoy it! Make art, fanfic, shitposts or elaborate think-pieces, but please remember it’s just a TV show. No one is conspiring against you. You just didn’t get what you wanted (not fully anyways). That happens sometimes. That’s real life. You aren’t a victim of the CW or of supernatural. It’s just a show, it’s just Mexicans translating shit, it’s not that deep.

Supernatural is a fun TV show. Go watch it and enjoy it. Go ship whatever characters you want to, go make and consume content, go be a community. But don’t let a ship ruin it for you. Supernatural is about so much more than that. If you were in it for a ship, you were in it for the wrong reasons. Most importantly, don’t give it more power over your life than it should have. There’s tons of very gay TV shows out there, and a lot are from the CW. I’ll hit you up with recs if you want (The Haunting of Bly Manor is excellent, and it has ghosties in it. I haven’t watched Legends of Tomorrow in ages but I know it’s on crack and extremely gay. There’s also She-Ra, which is the best show of all time, and many more).

It’s been 15 years of this show. Is this mess really what we want its legacy to be? The cast’s legacy? The fandom’s legacy? Over a ship??? I mean, Misha fucking Collins had to tell you guys there’s no homophobic conspiracy at work in the CW. I feel terrible for him, after all the good he’s done. There’s so many other things he could be spending his time on, and yet here he is. An adult man. 46 years old. Dealing with fans going batshit insane over a fictional ship after the show’s already ended. I know that was kind a tangent but I really do feel bad for him

So, in the kindest way possible, get a life. And repeat this mantra: There is no conspiracy. The CW is not out to get the gays. It’s just a show. It’s just Mexicans translating shit. It’s not that deep.

Wouldn’t it be easier to let ourselves enjoy things, or at the very least not go about life pissed off over small things? Wouldn’t it be easier to not see people as enemies just because they didn’t give us what we wanted?

(It’s fine if you didn’t enjoy it. Just know that no one is out to get you, you aren’t a victim, and it is not that deep)

*as always, don’t bother being rude, I do not interact with rude people. Always open to civil conversation, though. And while we’re here, (although I can’t believe this apparently has to be said) I also don’t want anyone who ships incest/pedophilia or posts content related to that anywhere near my page. Thanks :)*

[ais-n]

Pt1. So this might be totally random and maybe even a little bit weird or out of place, but I’ve been thinking about this for a while and may I just say I am proud? Happy? For the way you’ve handles the whole situation and how you still are. Like I don’t wanna sound like I’m putting others down but I can think of a handful of authors who if in your place would be less mature about the whole ordeal. I know thats random but it just made me happy and really proud to look up to you.

Pt 2 Like I know what they did was horrible, but something that really stuck out to me in your statement was your kindness to even offer help to “them” if they wanted to make things right. And I’m not saying that’s always the answer but I feel like that kind of approach with the whole situation was possibly the one with the most effect if “they” should’ve messaged.

Pt 3 I know you’re probs tired of having the whole thing brought up, but yeah thanks for being so mature and as level headed as you can be about something like what happened. (Sorry for this long random weird ask)

+   +  +

I combined these into one, I hope you don’t mind! Also, jeez I’m so sorry, I have no idea how long ago you sent this. I didn’t mean to be an asshole and not reply sooner T_T I honestly don’t get how I have such a hell of a time seeing ask notifications on tumblr anymore. I swear I used to see them so much easier. Maybe it’s just that I went so long not getting asks I don’t expect them...

Anyway - 

Not a long, random, weird ask, don’t worry! And even if it were, lol, you’re talking to the queen of long, random, weird posts - so it would fit right in regardless ;)

I don’t mind you bringing it up; it’s sort of impossible not to when a person is talking about ICoS. Plus, as bizarre as it continues to be to me that anything like this actually happened in my life, it’s still a part of my life so it would be silly to pretend it wasn’t or to try ignoring it all now. That seems like it wouldn’t help me or anyone at all, really.

I still feel so bad about everything, though. It just makes me feel so sad all around. I feel bad for “them” because I feel like something really has to have been difficult or complicated in their lives for them to do what they did, so consistently, for so long. I worry about their mental health, about them getting help, about their stability. And I feel so bad for everyone who was hurt in the process of it all - all the people who were innocent bystanders who became collateral damage; all the people who were excited about something and reached out and just wanted to make a connection, and in the process felt devastated or traumatized in the long run by what they found. 

It’s so damn sad. So many people hurting others and being hurt for what feels like no good reason. I wish there had been a way to stop it all from happening, or end it sooner, or I don’t know, just - help. 

I had a lot of mixed emotions initially when it all came out but as time has passed, when I think back, the primary emotion I feel is sad. Especially because, in addition to everything else, their actions ended up casting a pall on the series, and that’s really sad to me too because there are people who felt a real connection through the story - be it the characters or the people they met in the community - and now I worry for those people feeling like they have to question or judge themselves, or even distance themselves, from something that they felt was helpful at the time but now they wonder if they were wrong.

I don’t think anyone who felt a connection to ICoS was wrong to feel that way, regardless of what “Sonny” ended up being/doing in the end. Stories speak to us for different reasons, and I tend to be of the opinion that the writer of a story isn’t the god of that story. A story or characters can still have genuinely good impact on a person regardless of if the writer is terrible. I know not everyone agrees with that, and I understand why they don’t and I can’t even really fully argue against their points because I see value in their points as well. It may simply be that I try as much as possible to always see others as humans first and everything else second, and because I think of humans as highly fallible, very prone to making mistakes or being short-sighted at times, to me I guess I always choose to think of it as a person always has another chance to make another choice. They can change how they interact with others or the world at any second of the day if they choose to do so. 

It doesn’t mean it’s a simple switch; that choice may entail a very long and rocky journey that may never be over -- it may mean making the decision to seek counseling if possible, or finding safe people to open up to, or starting to (safely) research and seek out communities that may reflect what’s happening in their mind... It may mean putting oneself into a position to constantly have to stop and question for months or years every second of the day if what they are doing fits their new code/path or not. It may mean that seemingly simply choice will lead to a lifetime of a pain in the ass - but that choice is still there. A person can still choose to make that effort. And sometimes, it’s our past mistakes that are our greatest motivation for making that choice, and going through those ups and downs. So I feel like it’s important to be as open-eyed and open-minded as possible about our past missteps (even if those rise to much higher levels than something as simple as a cute little mistake) and make an effort to change our future to better honor what we should have been in our past.

That may or may not be the right answer to everything; I don’t know. It’s just how I view the world, and so it’s how I tend to live, or at least do my best to follow. I do think that sort of mindset makes me vulnerable to taking the same steps at times of giving the benefit of the doubt for perhaps longer than I should, for holding out hope that others will take responsibility for their actions and learn from their mistakes, for continuing to believe there’s a chance things can resolve better in the future and those who were hurt will get a chance for closure. In a way, that mindset likely makes it easy to take advantage of my ongoing hope for other people, and also likely makes it so I don’t see the dangers of things as they’re occurring because I want to believe other people care about other people as much as I do. 

I suppose some people would take this as indication that they should change, but I don’t really feel like I should. I feel like it’s on other people to take responsibility for their actions, to prove themselves to be better than they were, to show they are willing to show humility, to improve, to care. I don’t personally feel like the answer to the conundrum is for me to change to be more like the things I don’t care for in response to things people have done to or around me; rather, I feel like as much as I am able, I want to keep trying to be what feels most right for me, even if that comes off as easy to manipulate, because I just really don’t like the idea of anyone else convincing me I can’t and shouldn’t be who I truly am simply because of their actions. As sad as I may be by what other people choose to do with their lives, as angry as it sometimes makes me, as frustrated as I get, I still want them to have another chance if they will use it. Because ultimately, what helps everyone is if they get help and they improve; not me changing to reflect their negativity and creating or continuing unnecessary cycles of pain, abuse, violence, or whatever else may be thrown one’s way.

I keep telling my parents that if I’m murdered for some reason in my life, they damn well better not use that as an excuse to send hate out there to the world in my name. I don’t want that. I would much rather there be something productive or positive... create a law that protects people who are in a position I was where I wasn’t protected, or build a non-profit that helps prevent my tragedy, or brings community and aid to the families and friends left behind from others like me. Something like that. Not self-righteous anger being used to justify more distance being spread between the people of this world.

That’s a tangent, but I mention it in part because I have very little hope my parents would follow through with my request. They’re much more in the mindset of retribution than I am. So hey, here’s my official request for others out there to remember I want something nice and productive and caring or protective done in my name in the event of tragedy, not something that at the heart of it is motivated solely by fear, pain, anger and hatred.

Anyway - that was a tl;dr of saying thanks but honestly I don’t know that I’m anyone to look up to in particular - there are way cooler people to look up to, like Malala, for example. I think I just have a thought process that’s probably pretty typical for people of my type of personality, and so in that way I’m probably a dime a dozen. I bet you are super awesome, yourself, and you probably would react the same way as me in this situation. But I appreciate the sentiment and I’m wishing you all the very best, and truly hope you and those you love are safe and healthy during these strange times.

PS: I didn’t bother putting this behind a cut because sometimes I have issues getting that to show on phones for people but if anyone is annoyed by this long ass thing on their dashboard and want me to edit it to have a cut, let me know and I can.

[ptilopseth]

no oripathy fucks with my baby by hozier ft. me

sqrt(-1) bit

The first thing Seth notices as he opens his office door is that firstly, his girlfriend is missing, and secondly, there is no note to indicate why. Dr. Kal'tsit would typically fill in for a secretarial role until other duties called her (and even then, that's if she wanted to), but she's nowhere to be seen either. Just then, and without enough time for Seth to set down his bags and get organized, his phone rings with the tone of one of Sora's newest singles. Seth answers quickly, and on the other end of the line comes the frantic and fast voice of Operator Mayer: "SethIjustsawyouwalkinandIknowit'sreallyearlybutpleasecometothemedbayrightnow." "Mayer, I have no idea what you just said to me." "Med bay." "Why?" Seth has an idea of why, but after all, the first stage of grief is denial. "Ptilopsis." Seth doesn't even bother exiting the conversation properly. One ended phone call later, Seth skids into the medical bay and is immediately greeted by a just-as-frantic Mayer, who, without even attempting to explain why it is Ptilopsis is in the med bay, drags him by the sleeve through a host of other infected Operators, and then to one of the last rooms on the left. Ptilopsis is quite a sight. She's not on an IV drip or anything, but it's clear she's in some sort of psuedo-comatose state. Dr. Kal'tsit sits at the side of the bed, clipboard in hand, writing furiously. Seth is speechless. Mayer is the first one to break the heavy silence. "We thought you could do something." Seth carefully approaches Ptilopsis, Mayer trailing close behind. "Why?" "It was Dr. Kal'tsit that suggested it. Something about Orignium's reaction to emotional stimuli." If Mayer were in any other mood, she would have gone on a tangent about how much she knows of the topic, but now is not the time. Seth pulls up a chair near the bed and sets his messenger bag aside. He looks at Ptilopsis for a moment, and notices the ever so slight twitching of her face; the expression she wears is not necessarily painful, but certainly cannot indicate that this is just another case of a narcoleptic episode. In fact, upon closer inspection, Seth notices a very light sheen of sweat on his girlfriend's face. Nothing good is happening here. "What do I do? I mean- I can stay here as long as you need me, sure, but..." "We were thinking," Dr. Kalt'sit looks up from her notes, "That Mayer could utilize one of her electronic devices to temporarily meld your mind with Ptilopsis'. She leans up and sets the clipboard on the nearby medical cart, then stands to go and get whatever device it is that she's talking about from Mayer's bag on the floor. "It wouldn't cause you any harm, unless you provoke the Oripathy inside of her." "And this will help how?" Seth has an inkling, but better to ask than to assume. "We figured that since you two have been together for...?" Mayer starts. "Six months." Dr. Kal'tsit rummages around in Mayer's personal bag for the device in question. "Six months, that your presence would curb the current spike in Oripathic activity within her system. 'Cause- um, how some infected Operators use music as a channel for controlling symptoms?That's just a form of expressing emotions." Mayer carefully explains, hoping that Dr. Kalt'sit won't interrupt her. The person in question stands up, the device in her hand. It is a thin, blue, and slightly transparent (as well as slightly glowing) piece of electronics that Seth assumes only Mayer can understand. Dr. Kal'tsit hands it off to Mayer for further usage. "How's it work?" "Well," Mayer taps on the screen, inputs what seems to be a password, and turns the screen to show Seth. "It searches for a certain type of Originium discharge- think of it like radiation- and 'links' up to that source. Then the other party just holds onto this device, and the Originium discharge is synced with the other party." Seth heaves a breath, not entirely sure what this entails, or if it will work. "Better to try and fail than to not do anything at all." In a normal setting, Mayer would fire back some remark about her genius, but she holds herself back. Mayer begins the scanning process, and after a tense five seconds in which Seth can almost see the despair on Dr. Kal'tsit's face, the device beeps and registers Ptilopsis' Oripathic signal. Mayer hands the device off to Seth. "Do I just-? Do I just hold it?" "Mhm. Wait a sec, let me just..." Mayer taps a button on the screen that says "begin sync." "Good luck." After just a moment, Seth's entire vision goes dark. He is standing in the shadow of the Originium within Ptilopsis; or, rather, the shadow currently is Ptilopsis, and it's his job to manage it, or at least try. "Ptilopsis?" He calls out in a sort of strange, desperate way, unsure if that's what Mayer and Dr. Kal'tsit are intending for him to do. "Hello." Comes a soft voice from behind him. He whips around to see Ptilopsis. "Are you... okay?" "Can you come here?" Seth steps closer, and Ptilopsis' eyes well with tears. "I-" And she starts again after a choked sob: "I don't know what's happening to me." Seth pulls Ptilopsis into a hug, one which she does not refuse. Seth posits that the "system nexus" of Ptilopsis- A.K.A. the very way she organizes her thoughts- was somehow disrupted, and it led to some sort of collapse of her body. "What can I do for you?" He asks, in a quiet tone as he speaks as calmly as he can manage into Ptilopsis' ear. "I don't know." "Um... I don't know either. But I'm gonna stay here until this gets fixed, alright?" "Alright. Thank you." "Of course." "Can you keep talking?" "Um, yeah. So- I went to Lungmen the other day for some clerical stuff with Ch'en, and in the part that didn't get wrecked during our fifth operation, I saw this really nice flower stand that was selling these fresh lilies. And I saw this bouquet of orange and white ones, and it reminded me of you. And I bought them- this was kind of meant to be a surprise for later- but then I was curious about what they meant, right? So I searched what they meant, and apparently white lilies represent virtue- and that's just you all over- and the orange ones represent confidence, and I just thought that was really fitting." "What else?" "What else? Uh, I found this really nice restaurant in Lungmen the other day- also the day with the flowers. It's sort of a hole-in-the-wall kind of place, but they sell the best vegetable rolls I've had in my entire life, and I don't know how much you like Lungmen food, but I just thought it would be nice to treat you to somewhere after your promotion. Which is also coming really soon, also meant to be a surprise, but... I just need the LMD to verify the promotion, then I can sign off." "Can you do something for me?" "Any time." "I'm sorry, but... can you say why you love me?" "Oh, hell, where do I even begin? I don't know, I guess I just... I feel really safe around you? You always ask me if making an advance is okay, you never berate me if I don't want to participate, you never once have made fun of me for not understanding the non-deterministic polynomial time problem, um- you're just so sweet, and kind, and I don't know what kind of person I'd be without you, and... I really love you. I really, really love you. And I hope that someday, sometime in the future, we can just- be together, without any hurdles, and with maybe a cat or something, and I can get to call you my wife. Or something like that." Seth closes his eyes and buries his face into Ptilopsis' shoulder. "Thank you." "No problem." "...It appears the system encountered a fatal error. Please wait while I finish rebooting. ...It appears there is an external device linked to the system. I assume this is what has caused you to appear within my subconscious. Did Mayer develop this device on her own?" "Yes, and on a whim, at that." "Give her my regards once you exit my subconscious." "Can do." Seth opens his eyes, and blinks as he adjusts to the now-near-white background of Ptilopsis's subconscious. "Why's your subconscious like this?" "Ptilopsis cannot return an answer for your query. Please try again later." "Figures. Um, hey- shit, I don't know if Mayer's listening, but, uh- Mayer, I kind of want out of my girlfriend's brain. Like, personal space and all that." Seth jolts back to consciousness outside of Ptilopsis' system nexus, and sighs deeply. He looks up to his girlfriend, who has just now opened her eyes. A hand grasps Seth's shoulder- Mayer's, firmer than expected- and the person in question grabs the device from his hands to power it off. "Good work, Mayer." "As expected of me. ...Thanks." She tucks the device back into her bag, and stands up. "Where're you going?" Seth looks around to see that Dr. Kal'tsit has also vacated the premises. "We figured you two wanted some alone time." "How considerate." Mayer gives Seth a thumbs-up and exits the room, leaving only Ptilopsis and her boyfriend. "Hi." Seth gives a little wave. Ptilopsis sits up carefully and orients herself to sit on the edge of the bed near Seth. "Hello. My deepest gratitude for your intervention on the spike in my Oripathic symptoms." "I just sat and talked. Already something i'm good at." "Yes. Especially your explanation as to why you are attracted to me." "That was really corny, though..." "I do not think so. A genuine profession of love cannot be 'corny.' And your explanation helped to recalibrate the system nexus as well." "Why do you think that is?" "Being attracted to you has been written into the base of the system nexus. Your explanation, spoken by you, grounded that written protocol and helped to realign the rest of the system." "That's kinda badass." "It is as you describe as 'badass.' I do think it is very peculiar myself, however. And I do have a question to ask of you." "What's up?" "Do you believe my Oripathy has ever affected, or will ever affect, your ability to stay attracted to me? It is quite burdensome to speak in this manner, and it is even moreso to cope with Oripathic spikes, if such an event were to occur again." "What? Ptilopsis, why would I care about that?" "...I do not like to be the bearer of bad news, but I will remind you that Oripathy has no known cure, and that if the Originium within Ptilopsis is not contained by the doctors at Rhodes Island, I may go rampant, or I may turn into a different person entirely." And then, quieter: "Or I may lose my life." "Do you think I didn't sign up for that when we started dating? I love you, Ptilopsis. L-O-V-E. Simple as that. It doesn't matter what happens. I want to be there for you." "Even such a difficult situation cannot stop you, Seth. Detecting emotional surge within Ptilopsis." "Can I kiss you?" "I was just about to ask the same thing." And so the two kiss, embracing each other very gently as it is done. Seth breaks for a moment, just to comment: "Ptilopsis, can I give you a very weird compliment?" "I would like to know what this compliment entails. Please continue with your explanation." "Um... your lips are very soft." "...Please do note that a spike in Oripathic activity does not correlate to being turned on." "That's not what I was-" Ptilopsis smiles lightly. "It was simply a joke. I cannot validate the truth behind such a statement. And I do appreciate the compliment." Meanwhile, just outside the door, in the Rhine Labs group chat created by Mayer: meeboo69420: GUSY meeboo69420: *guys meeboo69420: LOOK

Mayer posts a discreetly taken image of Ptilopsis and Dr. Warren making out, taken just seconds earlier. Saria: Mayer, you were assigned to the cargo escort team today. Aren't you supposed to be with them? Olivia: Mayer, it's very rude to post that kind of thing, even in a group chat. BBQ TIME: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [fire emoticon] Medic Operator Ptilopsis: Mayer please send me that image immediately. I would like to set it as the lock and home screen wallpaper of my phone. Olivia: Look what you did...

[crackimagines]

How about some Miu Iruma romance for the relationship ask? Great to have you back by the way.

Appreciate it, anon, and sure thing! Don’t get too much of Miu anyway!

Thanks for the ask anon, I hope you enjoy!

Romancing Miu Iru-…Wait, what the fuck, really? Miu?-

- ‘Weird’ would be the last word you’d use to describe her.

- She’s a SUPERFREAK, SUPERFREAK (SHE’S SUPER FREAKYYYY-OW)

- The first time you two met was…well…You accidentally bumped into her in the hallway, dropping a couple books.

(Miu) “HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU’RE FUCKING GOING!”

(S/O) “Wha-”

(Miu) “I see what you’re trying to do! YOU’RE TRYING TO GET A LOOK AT MY TITS, AREN’T YA?!”

(S/O) “Huh?! N-No! I-”

(Miu) “Don’t play so hard to get sweetie! After all, I’m not one to easily submit either!”

(S/O) “I don’t- What?!-”

(Miu) “You’re not worth the damn time anyway! See ya asshat!”

- She left laughing the entire time, leaving you completely confused about the encounter that had just happened.

- You were just about to chalk it up to another point of “Hope’s Peak, people are weird” until you saw that she had left something on the ground.

(S/O) “…A wrench?”

- Picking up the wrench, you quickly followed Miu down the hall. 

(S/O) “Ah, excuse me? I think this-”

(Miu) “Oh, back for more are ya?”

(S/O) “No, this-”

(Miu) “HAH! What a pathetic guy!(/gal???) Coming back to a woman who’s rejected her-”

(S/O) “LISTEN GOD DAMN IT! THIS IS YOURS! IF YOU LET ME FINISH A GODDAMN SENTENCE I CAN ACTUALLY SAY SOMETHING WITHOUT YOU BUTTING IN!”

“…”

(S/O) “I-I um…” ahem “S-Sorry. This is yours.”

- You awkwardly handed her the wrench, bowed, and quickly walked away.

- You still don’t know if this moment was a blessing or a curse because after that moment, she started hanging out with you a lot more often.

- The aftermath was essentially her coming to apologize being her boisterous self, until you gave her a death glare that she claims ‘paralyzed her with fear’. After that you got to know her as the ‘Ultimate Inventor’.

- She certainly was a handful, as her loud personality overtook the entire room in whatever environment you seemed to be in. 

- Much to your dismay, you got used to it. So much so to the point she began to mellow out somehow.

- When you two were completely alone, she dropped her persona that you knew her as for the entire time you’ve known each other, and began acting far quieter.

- You at first thought you did something wrong, because you noticed she got like this only when you got mad at her. When you looked back at her, you noticed it was…different. She was just quietly humming a tune to herself, smiling as she was sketching down ideas for her inventions.

- When she looked back at you, she had a face of genuine concern.

(Miu) S-S/O? Something up?”

- Wanting to not make the situation awkward with your observation:

(S/O) “Oh well…It’s my knee. It’s been feeling kind of off lately. I was thinking maybe letting it rest on something like my bed, and maybe-”

(Miu) “Psh, fuck that. Here-”

- She began going on a tangent on how she could make an invention to help you out. You expected her to go off about how great she was, but instead she went on how it would actually help your knee recover, and that she wanted to know if it actually helped you our not.

- You couldn’t help but smile at the sight, seeing what was probably how she really was. A quiet girl, but kind at heart. 

- You were only right about the second half.

- Once you two grew closer, she went on about how great you were, and how hot the two of you were as a couple. Despite the fact you never even said anything like that, nor thought about it.

- However, that quiet moment with her wouldn’t be your last, as they began increasing in number, with only you. You learned about her insecurities after essentially prying it out of her, and how much she didn’t really trust people, so she puts on her persona to make sure she doesn’t get hurt.

- You assured her you wouldn’t do that, and that after getting to know her, she was genuinely a good person. A bit brass sure, but well-meaning.

- It was then that you thought about what Miu was saying about you two. After seeing her genuine smile so many times, you decided to try it.

- You invited her to your room after school to make sure you two were completely alone.

(S/O) “Miu…I-”

(Miu) “You want to have sex with me, right?”

(S/o) “What.”

(Miu) “I know, I’m so sexy you can’t help it! THE WAY I EYE THE GUYS AT OUR SCHOOL HAS YOU SO HOT AND BOTHERED-”

(S/O) “N-NO! That’s not what I-”

- Her facade immediately broke seeing your reaction, the laughter was mocking obviously, but at the same time it was genuine, and her face became a soft smile instead of being all high and mighty smirk.

(Miu) “I’m just fucking with you, S/O…What is it that you brought me her for?”

- Her smile went away as you began confessing that all the time you had spent together had made an impact on you. How despite the way she acted, you wanted to be with her. Not her persona she put up for everyone, but the real one you knew. 

- The Miu that actually cared for her classmates, though she’d never admit it. The Miu that was a big ol’ softie inside, and that she was genuinely one of the kindest people you met. 

- When you were done, you saw her shaking uncontrollably. Thinking you had just ruined your friendship, you took a deep sigh, and couldn’t look her in the eye.

(S/O) “S-Sorry…That was a dumb question, wasn’t it? I’ll…walk you hom-”

- Miu forcefully grabbed your hand and yanked you back down onto the couch, scaring the hell out of you.

(Miu) “P-Please don’t leave–”

- She cut herself off, eyes going wide at disbelief hearing what she just said. You both sat across from each other, not really knowing what to say.

- Miu’s eyes darted away and a faint red appeared on her cheeks.

(Miu) “I…really like you too, S/O. The fact that you’ve been with me to know how I am, and accepting that I…I don’t want to lose that. You’re special to me too.”

- You smiled, and reached for her hand and-

…

(S/O) “Miu, where’s your hand?”

(Miu) “Huh? It’s on your leg, isn’t it?”

- She flexed her fingers and-

(S/O) “MIU THAT’S NOT MY LEG.”

(Miu) “…Then what the fuck is it- OH!”

- Both of you immediately stood up, at least 5 feet away from each other (cause that’s not gay) and stared at each other with a massive blush on each of your faces.

- After an awkward silence, you broke it by laughter, covering your mouth as the smile you had began growing. She started to join you as you both began laughing harder than either of you had in each other’s company before.

- Once you two stopped, you took a step forward and grabbed both her hands, ENSURING IT WAS THE HANDS THIS TIME. 

- You two shared a passionate kiss, nothing in it but pure love.

(S/O) “So um…Would you like to go out, Miu?”

She smiled, tilting her head and closing her eyes.

(Miu) “Gee, dumbass, what do you think?”

Dude, writing Miu to make sure she is not NSFW and at most PG-13 is the most difficult goddamn thing I’ve ever had to write on the blog.

Well uh…here’s to you anon! I uh…think I got a bit carried away writing this.

[kaesaaurelia]

safety

For @whumptober2019 day 30: recovery.

For day 30, recovery. This is a post-canon coda to day 5 (gunpoint) which was Gabriel/Crowley noncon, and day 24 (secret injury) which was Aziraphale/Crowley comfort, where Aziraphale just thinks Crowley has a sore throat.

Established-relationship A/C. Content warning for discussion of rape, obviously.  Also some discussion of consensual sex, although not so much that I think it merits a NSFW tag?

It was about a year after the apocalypse failed to occur that Crowley finally had to tell Aziraphale about what he thought of as the Water Pistol Incident, or occasionally, when he was particularly annoyed, the Smug Purple-Eyed Hypocritical Bastard Incident. They were sitting on Crowley's couch -- well, Crowley was in some liminal state between sitting and lying -- and slightly tipsy on sweet wine, arguing about the opera they'd just seen. They'd mostly picked it to see how ridiculous it would be, and it had not failed them on that front; the librettist apparently thought the Crusades needed more demons and evil sorceresses than had actually been present, as far as either he or Aziraphale could recall.

Crowley felt it was unfair to depict demons having such a large part in proceedings that had been almost wholly a human affair, when angels were probably about as competent at mucking things up, maybe better. Several tangents later, somehow, Crowley had got to rambling a bit about how badly Heaven had treated Aziraphale, and Aziraphale was insisting that most of his former coworkers were merely misguided.

This was something Crowley was willing to believe of some of the angels -- not the ones who'd been willing to watch as Aziraphale burned, but hypothetically, some other angels, maybe ones he'd never met, might be more stupid than terrible, and that still didn't excuse them from being colossal wankers -- but when Aziraphale had said that Gabriel was really just trying to do right by the Great Plan, Crowley had sort of lost his temper.

"Angel, he tried to kill you -- they all tried to kill you but he -- he fucking -- he told you to die! With a smile on his face!"

"Yes, but -- oh Crowley, I know he must've been upset, really," said Aziraphale. "It was all he'd been working for for six thousand years, and he'd never really been to Earth much except for suits --"

"And to steal eyes," Crowley put in.

"And to steal eyes," Aziraphale acknowledged, "but look, my point is he didn't understand, really, what the big deal about Earth was. It's not that I ever really liked him, and he was always sort of... accidentally cruel, I suppose..." Crowley had just realized why he was feeling the creeping nausea he'd had during the whole discussion, and what the tightness in his throat was from, and it must have been showing on his face, because Aziraphale had trailed off and was looking very concerned. "Crowley?"

"It's. It's nothing," said Crowley, who wasn't sure how to even begin explaining this. "Gonna -- gonna sober up, hang on." If anything, he wanted to be drunker, but he was queasy enough as it was.

"Crowley," said Aziraphale, a little more forcefully, "it is clearly not nothing. I'm sorry, we don't have to talk about this anymore, but when you start looking like that I think it's only sensible of me to be worried."

Crowley sat up, and took a few deep breaths, trying to remind himself that this was his flat and he was safe, and Aziraphale was safe, and Gabriel was terrified of the both of them now, and that helped the nausea. It didn't help Aziraphale looking at him like that, though; he'd clearly sobered up too, and Crowley felt guilty for having caused him to leave the comfortable buzz of the wine behind. "Angel, you have to promise me you won't do anything about this. All right?"

"Well, now you have me really worried," said Aziraphale, scooting next to him on the couch. "Crowley, dearest, what on earth is the matter? Did he do something else you haven't told me about at the trial?"

"You haven't promised," said Crowley.

"I will not promise not to do anything about it, since I've no idea what it is," said Aziraphale, and Crowley knew there was no cajoling him into that promise.

"Fine, then -- don't -- don't do anything stupid, all right?" said Crowley.

"I would never," said Aziraphale.

Crowley raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I won't go after Gabriel, if that's the promise you're after," said Aziraphale. "Whatever he tried to do, it obviously didn't work."

"That's…" Crowley made an unhappy noise, but there was no explaining without explaining, and Aziraphale had made the promise, at least. "So. In the eighties. Maybe the nineties? Fuck, I don't remember. It was a while ago," he said.

"Many unfortunate fashion decisions ago," said Aziraphale.

"Right, yes," said Crowley. "So. So I was, you know, minding my own business, out and about, possibly causing some hideous commuter delays, seeing how long I could make people wait before six buses arrived at once, I think -- anyway. So Gabriel, the bastard, comes at me with a water pistol."

"A water pistol -- Crowley!" said Aziraphale, going terribly pale as he realized what must have been in it. "Oh, Crowley."

Crowley swallowed. "So then, he. Er. He. Well, he trapped me, gloated a little bit like a cartoon villain, and -- and I guess I was too mouthy for him, so he -- so he stuck the water pistol in my mouth."

"He what?" said Aziraphale. He was no longer pale, but flushed with anger.

"And then he -- he stuck it down my throat and -- so there was -- there was water going down my throat and -- d'you remember that time I said I had a sore throat and you came over and --"

And Aziraphale's expression softened. "Oh, no, my poor darling, of course that would -- oh, it must have hurt so much --"

"I'm not done, angel," said Crowley. Aziraphale looked very concerned at this, as if he could not imagine what could possibly be worse, and Crowley almost wished he'd just stopped talking and let him keep that assumption. Only he had a sort of momentum going and he couldn't just stop the story. "So then. So then he." It had to come out, but he didn't know how to say it in a way that wouldn't horrify Aziraphale. "Look, it's not as bad as it's going to sound --"

"Crowley, what did he do?" said Aziraphale. His tone was kind, but there was something very dangerous in his eyes. That was what Crowley had been worried about.

"He…" What was the least-bad way to say this? "He made me give him a blowjob," said Crowley, finally.

"He -- he made you -- Crowley! Why didn't you tell me?" said Aziraphale, absolutely appalled. "How dare he -- an Archangel -- and him all self-righteous and -- oh, Crowley, I'm so sorry if I ever gave you the impression that -- that I wouldn't have believed you or --"

"Angel," said Crowley.

"-- and I'm sorry I was sitting here trying to defend him when you'd been through that, and ooh, I could strangle him, well, I couldn't, he's an Archangel, but, but how dare he, what a vile, selfish, cruel, how could he, how could anyone, really, but --"

Crowley could feel him shaking with rage. "Angel," he repeated.

"Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry, Crowley, I didn't mean to talk over you," said Aziraphale. "I'll -- I'll be quiet." Crowley watched him fight to get the fury off of his face; he did not quite succeed. He was trying so hard to be a Good Listener, Crowley could tell, but it was easy enough to see he was all over the place, furious and upset and terrified for Past Crowley.

"Angel," he said, a third time. "I thought -- I mean I was fairly sure -- I didn't think you'd think I'd make something up like that. That's actually why I didn't tell you. Didn't want you to have to -- to have to know all that."

"But," said Aziraphale. "I don't understand. I could've done something and..." Crowley watched the other shoe drop. "Oh. Oh dear. And I would have, too, and it would have all turned out very badly for the both of us and Gabriel would have come out of it all just fine."

"Yeah, basically," said Crowley.

Aziraphale took his hand, and gripped it tight. "I'm sorry, my dear, I -- I was a fool about Heaven, wasn't I? And you had to suffer through it all alone, and --"

"I wasn't alone," said Crowley, sliding his arm around Aziraphale and leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. "Don't you remember? You showed up with chamomile tea and honey and two kinds of chicken soup and an army of little bottles of cough medicine."

"Yes, but I should've -- I should've done more," said Aziraphale.

"Oh, Aziraphale. After -- after it all was over, after I'd dealt with Gabriel, and cleaned myself up, and got back to the car, all I could think about was hearing your voice." Crowley smiled, a bit sadly. "So I called you, and it cheered me right up to hear you even though I was canceling our plans, and then you came over and -- you didn't have to bother with the medicine or the soup or -- I think you bought me a kettle, which, did you think I didn't have a kettle?"

"I knew you didn't have a kettle," Aziraphale said, "since I vividly recall you miracling water hot to make tea at one point, which..."

Crowley managed not to laugh at his look of horror at miracled tea. "Well, anyway. All I wanted was for you to be here with me. And you were."

Aziraphale sighed. "Well. I can't say that makes me feel much better, but I'm glad I could help, even if I didn't know what I was helping with." They sat in silence for a moment, and then Aziraphale said, "Hang on, what do you mean after you'd dealt with him? How on Earth did you get away? I'd have -- I'd have thought he'd have killed you afterwards." He shuddered.

Crowley laughed, and Aziraphale looked genuinely startled at that. Then Crowley gave him a thin, wicked smile. "So you know how I can, ah. Can pretty much fit anything down my throat?"

Aziraphale went red. "Well, yes, but --"

"And you know," Crowley went on, "how very sharp my teeth can get when you want me to be rough in bed?"

He went redder. "Yes, but I hardly think -- oh."

Crowley smiled wider.

Aziraphale's eyes got very big. "Oh. Crowley, you didn't," he said, delighted and horrified all at once. "You didn't!"

"I did, and the fucker deserved it," said Crowley, strangely proud.

"Oh, absolutely," said Aziraphale. "Absolutely, he did. But no wonder you kept throwing up, having eaten something so vile. Your poor stomach!"

"I'll understand if you don't want my mouth on your cock anytime soon," said Crowley. He was half-joking, but privately a bit worried. He very much enjoyed sucking Aziraphale's cock; he knew he was good at it, and all of Aziraphale's little whines and moans gasps and the absolute nonsense that came out of his mouth were very gratifying.

Aziraphale looked at him in mild horror. "If you think I'd give that up, you're -- oh, well, I mean -- unless you'd rather not -- if it reminds you --"

"Nah," said Crowley. "Been decades. Whole different context, anyway." He turned his head to press a kiss to Aziraphale's neck. "When I'm with you I always feel safe."

Aziraphale squeezed his hand again. "Hmm. There was a time -- quite long ago, mind -- when you were the exciting sort of danger, for me, but --"

"Is there boring danger?"

"Do shut up, dear, I'm trying to be soppy," said Aziraphale, and Crowley laughed. "Anyway, I suppose the feeling is mutual."

"Better stick together, then. Nothing else for it," said Crowley.

"Indeed," said Aziraphale, and he kissed the corner of Crowley's mouth, and then he moved to kiss him full on the lips, and then, for a while, they had no need of speech.

[sheyffer]

On Bradley (and the rest of this show’s glorified ableism)

Do I have your attention? Good. Because I have things to say.

This is the collective salt built up over the course of most of this entire season, so be warned. This will be long, and most of you aren’t gonna like this - so feel free to skip to the bottom line at the end of the post, I guess.

Without further ado:

So. If you’ve been following me or are a somewhat frequent visitor on the show’s tag(s), you might have noticed I like Bradley. With how much screentime he’s been getting lately, I should be happy, right? Well, I would be, but instead, it just made me feel terrible, week after week. People who’ve talked to me during those times will know. But let me explain.

- Bradley and me

Cheesy title, but what’re you gonna do. See, when MML first came around, I was pretty quick to declare Bradley my favorite character. The first few episodes were great, and I loved what they set Bradley up to be: A kid living in Milo’s shadow, dealing with the rightful bitterness coming out of that. His friendship (or whatever you wanna call it) with Mort and his crush on Melissa had great potential, and knowing these writers, I was expecting some great episodes in these directions. Not that we ever got any, but more on that later.

As the show went on, I noticed something else about Bradley. I know there are a bunch of “(character) is autistic” headcanons out there - and I’m not gonna say anything against those because they’re all valid -, and that Bradley’s also come up in these regards several times. I fully support that headcanon (partly because I’m autistic myself and he’s my favorite character so projection is bound to happen in one way or another), but there’s something specific I’d like to bring up: something I’ll call the switch, for lack of a better word. I will admit that I’m not spending time with other autistic people that often so I can only really speak for myself here... but man. It’s been a while since I’ve seen a (cartoon) character that so obviously has that very same issue (whether the writers intended that or not is another topic; again, see further down). I’m struggling with it a lot myself, as good as on the daily, and seeing actual representation of this in a show makes me feel incredibly validated - because, again, when does any character ever have this?

- A little tangent regarding that “switch”

I should explain what I mean in the first place, of course. Basically, I’ll only care about a topic if it actually affects me in some way, and if it doesn’t, my attention is basically zero. No matter how close we are, I probably won’t even attempt to fake interest when you’re talking about something that has no significance to me, because if I do, people tend to notice quite easily (and I prefer keeping things genuine because me being dishonest would arguably just complicate things further if people realized eventually). Better yet, with the stuff I am interested in, I often end up caring way too much -  so it really is kind of a switch, per se. My emotional investment is either full on or full off, no inbetween. Makes me an awful person to be around when you want to talk about anything beyond the fandoms or characters I’m currently interested in, for the most part, but I’m glad about the people who, for years, have stuck with and supported me anyway :’) Maybe you can see by now how Bradley reminds me of this, but here’s some assorted aspects:

Him failing to somewhat relate to Milo no matter how similar they kind of are in various regards

Him actually being friends with and hanging out with plenty of people he gets along with great (compared to having none whatsoever, as could’ve easily been the case if he really was just a jerk), though he's almost never the one to initiate the conversation unless it's Milo related

Him being straight up rude to those people at times, resulting in everyone getting mad at him (which I can’t really blame them for, but still)

And him in turn being way too emotionally invested in certain topics, see Milo and what Bradley believes to be him stealing the show (and Carla, of course)

Melissa puts it really well in Milo's World when she says Milo is so great because he always cares deeply about other people - Bradley quite literally can't get on that level, so it's no surprise he's this bitter, really. What's he supposed to do? He'll never have it in him to apologize for his salt because there's absolutely no reason to in his eyes. He simply doesn't care if other people are sad or hurt by his words, and not even voluntarily so: He believes he's right and doesn't grasp why people don't get him, which may just be because he's so emotional - and less rational - about it... and when he’s generally the quiet-ish grump who's not too bad but also just never quite the friend that genuinely cares about you as a person because he's just this apathetic, any emotional reaction you get out of him is immediately rendered an uncalled-for outburst. Not saying everyone else is awful to get mad at him, because I can't really blame them at all with how much of a jerk he actually comes off as (and him trying to explain is probably awkward phrasing in the "sorry but I don't actually care about your feelings, no offense" direction that immediately makes people get mad at him again), but don’t paint him as inherently awful. This is likely as hard for him as it is for everyone else, I’ve been there myself... but yeah. So much for that.

- The crossover and its aftermath

Needless to say, I was pretty disappointed by most of the second half of season one when it came to Bradley’s screentime, especially since he’d been such a prominent character early on. So when the crossover came around and he got that plant arm, I was like - great! A physical difference to go along with his mental issues and to give him even more reasons to get a little character arc and a push towards morally darker gray areas! This isn’t something they can ignore anymore, right?

Ha. Sure.

It was bad enough that in those first few episodes after the crossover, he had that arm and it was never brought up by either him or anyone else. And then we did get people acknowledging it exists - but it was either treated as a joke or, worse, something to “get over”.

Where do I even begin.

- Yeah, how about no

It’s bad enough that the writers confirmed they only added the plant arm because “it’s funny” - not because “hey, let’s give our main antagonist kid a visible reason to have an arc” or anything in a remotely decent direction. It’s worse that most of the viewers apparently agree, because I’ve hardly heard a negative comment on the matter over the course of these last few episodes. But seriously - how am I supposed to enjoy this (honestly great amount of) screentime Bradley’s been getting lately when all he’s reduced to is the comedic relief? Make Chad and his supernatural antics the hilarious one for all I care, but don’t use the kid who very clearly has physical (and mental) issues whether you actually headcanon him as having anything specific or not. All I got to see in these last episodes is Bradley rightfully pointing out his arm (Milo’s World, Ride Along Little Doggie), him being legitimately upset (The Mid-Afternoon Snack Club), or him honestly just being in the episode altogether (First Impressions), only to have other - main - characters make fun of, or belittle, or get mad at him and have them be portrayed as “in the right” with not a single ounce of sympathy for Bradley whatsoever. As for First Impressions: I’ve been that (autistic) kid excited for the first day of school but not getting in in time. It’s horrible. (Though I’m willing to let this one slide because it reasonably builds up his strong dislike for Milo)

- On an episode in particular

For what it’s worth, The Mid-Afternoon Snack Club isn’t all bad. Hardly an episode is. But it’s easily the most painful to watch for me, for numerous reasons. And that includes certain fandom reactions I’ve witnessed.

Carla. However hilarious or weird (or both) you or the characters may find this, he clearly doesn’t. Even if the writers only added it as a joke to begin with - I’ve had similar experiences myself. I’ve been in Bradley’s position, and sure, I can’t blame the characters for, initially, belittling him for this stuff. But for the love of all the gods I believe in, don’t just completely ignore the distress he’s going through and change the topic like that (while he’s still in the middle of the breakdown, no less). I expected better at least from Milo or Mort.

Zack’s “character development”. In any other situation, I might have appreciated Zack’s talk about feeling like being in Milo’s shadow. But not only is this literally what Bradley was supposed to be about this whole time - Zack immediately gets reassurance and comfort by the other characters. The best Bradley ever got was rude comments on being uncalled for. Goes right along with:

Only the good guys deserve happiness, apparently. Whenever Murphy’s Law does its thing and someone has an issue with it, Melissa and the others are quick to comment on how it isn’t Milo’s fault and whoever has the issue is clearly just being rude and uncalled for. Whenever Bradley does something mildly unpleasant, the very same characters get mad at him and are portrayed as being in the right. As people have pointed out before, Milo and Bradley aren’t all that fundamentally different - but because Milo is the protagonist (tm) and, in-universe, nice to people and (as I’ve heard) adorable, people treat him well enough, while it’s apparently the right thing to be awful to Bradley, because he’s the antagonist(/comedic relief) and not the nicest person around. (For the record, I like Milo and appreciate how supportive people are of his issues. It’s just the jarring contrast with Bradley’s treatment that bothers me.)

Bradley’s “character development”. It’s been a thing I’ve read about regarding this episode and that’s apparently been getting quite a bit of acknowledgement. And sorry, but what? Randomly making Bradley a nice guy who doesn’t mind being around Milo & Co isn’t “character development”. More likely than anything, it’s “oh no, we have three episodes left and can’t have any relevant-ish character not like Milo before this is over, but we don’t have enough time to even half-ass Bradley’s “arc” so let’s just make him be nice for the sake of this montage”. It’s more of a disservice to the kid than anything, especially when in this season in particular, pretty much nobody was nice to him, ever.

- What I’m getting at (took a while, I know)

I’m basically Bradley, for what it’s worth. Whether he intentionally has to deal with the switch or not, his portrayal is incredibly similar to what I’m like, socially and otherwise. Seeing him treated like this for episodes on end is absolutely horrible for me. And I’m an adult who dares believe they figured out their mind for the most part - what about kids? Actual kids (like me ages ago, who only learned about autism to begin with because of really liking Ferb and finding an autism-related post about him) who can relate to Bradley as much as I do because they’ve been there themselves, only for the Good Guys to treat him like this? Even if you ignore all this semi-projection-based talk about mental disorders, his plant arm is still very real and as much of a handicap as anything. It doesn’t matter that the creators added it (and Carla, and probably Bradley’s other antics) as a joke, there are people out there for whom this is anything but that. They deserve happiness as much as anyone, no matter if they’re not the nicest people around (unless, of course, they have really problematic views, but Bradley is far from entering that territory). If anything, they deserve people at least attempting to understand where they’re coming from - and writers who treat even the protagonist’s foil as more than just a joke.

(Disclaimer: No, I’m not saying nobody should call Bradley out when he’s being rude. Even things like the switch only explain his behavior and don’t completely excuse it - he should have to feel the consequences of his actions as much as anyone. But right now, nobody is making any attempt to help him change for the better; they’re making everything far worse, if anything. An episode of Milo, or Mort, or anyone really, actually being willing to so much as listen to his side of the story... that’s all it takes. And can’t be that hard to pull off, can it?) 

But since I’m already talking about this kind of stuff:

- And Elliot, too

If only Bradley was the only one. I’m not gonna say anything against Elliot being a jerk (World Without Milo did a good job portraying him in that regard), but even he deserves better than this. I’m talking, of course, about Safety First, in which Elliot has something I can only describe as PTSD, complete with a trigger word and everything. I will admit I haven’t seen the episode since it aired (and am not planning on doing so again), but man. It’s obvious enough how much the trigger word aspect was used as a joke, but then apparently we learn that you can just randomly be cured of your trauma in a few effortless minutes. How nice to know for a few people I know.

- The bottom line

I have plenty of issues with MML when it comes to plot, or pacing, or humor (which, maybe, deserve their own posts eventually). But this right here is by far my biggest problem of them all. Sure, it’s a show for kids, and sure, you aren’t supposed to take something with this kinda premise super seriously - but that doesn’t mean there aren’t aspects that should be. Whether the creators are aware of how their characters come across or not, there are parts even they should know not to be this disrespectful about. And maybe I could get over things like Carla on their own, but when so many little aspects are condensed into a single character, it really stops being something I can ignore. Especially when the characters interacting with him display such infuriating Protagonist-Centered Morality, and even more especially when it’s related to issues that could really use some proper representation in the media anyway, particularly in shows for this kind of audience.

I’m not saying this because I don’t care about the show (and could’ve stopped watching it easily if I have so many problems with it), it’s because I do. I know these people can produce fantastic content, P&F is a prime example. The first few episodes of MML are, too. But after that, it all kind of falls apart for me, with some gems here and there. And yet I still care about these characters (certain ones, anyway), and carry the hope that they will at some point get the treatment they deserve. Until then, I’ll be here writing fics to take care of that when the show fails to - you’re free to ask me about them if you’re interested, for that matter. 

Thanks for reading, if you made it this far. Complain about my opinion all you want, I know it’s such a jarring wave of negativity in a fandom that’s hardly used to that - but hey. Someone’s gotta be the Bradley here. In more ways than most people with any relation to MML are comfortable with.

Take it or leave it.

[aliceellablog]

Christmas and New Years with M.E.

07/01/2018

Ok, so I think it’s time to vent…

OMG! Christmas! YAY! The time for happiness, giving, spending time with family, seeing all your mates, parties, alcohol, food, and having the best time ever!!! - Well that can fuck right off can’t it!

Just cos’ it’s Xmas doesn’t mean that your illnesses and troubles just magically disappear! If anything it probably brings them to the surface more and makes you realise just how little you can do. Great.

I haven’t had a drink all year! - jokes (cos thats like 7 days) …If you have to explain your jokes they’re not funny! Anyway- I haven’t had a drink since July and I really miss it… well I also haven’t been to a party since then either… or socialised…or left the house to do anything other than go to bloody Sainsbury’s… I have eaten food though… cos you know…. I’m still alive and all that.

There’s so much pressure to be well at xmas, which obviously isn’t even like, on the scale of being possible, but so many people invited me out to parties etc and although it’s great that they haven’t completely forgotten I exist .....babe? Like really? Oh ok, I’ll spend 6 months in my bedroom and then come to your party cos it’s Xmas? Yea right.

It’s weird - I feel like I am pretty public about my health issues- if anything probably too much - but people obviously just don’t really take it in… Someone text me the other day actually and it really hit a sore spot - he asked why I hadn’t answered his calls and I replied apologising and saying sorry that I didn’t feel up to chatting on the phone at the time and his reply pissed me RIGHT OFF. He said, and I quote ‘Whatever... Unicorn impressions in a forest??’

ANNOUNCEMENT: INSTAGRAM IS NOT REAL LIFE!!!!!!

What is wrong with peoples bloody brains!!! Sorry, but lets just think about this for a minute…

So I got home to Sussex on December 23rd and was so shattered from the train journey that I had to nap and couldn’t do anything with the fam that eve… I don’t really get why travelling is so damn tiring, like you’re only sat there being awake and breathing really….  anyway... then the next day I had my one of my best friends round and yes I actually felt up to seeing her (which is a bloody miracle) We had a lovely catch up and her Xmas gift to me was THE UNICORN ONESIE!!! - Yes, she is the one responsible for this moment!

We thought it would be hilarious for me to put it on and have a pic in the forest which is literally about 10 steps from the house - she convinced me to put wellington boots on my hands and get down on all fours (obviously) and it was so so funny I haven’t laughed that much in forever! 10 seconds later we were back on the sofa! Job done!

Does taking 20 paces and posing for a photo mean that I am now miraculously better? No

Does it mean I’ll do anything for the gram? Yes ;)

But in all seriousness, I wish people would realise that I am trying to portray the fun positive person that I feel is trapped inside my body, and to have fun and be happy whenever I can, even if it’s just for a few minutes! God if I put up pics of me looking like a zombie on the sofa all day every day I think I’d lose a fair few followers ;) ... ok maybe I do it sometimes....always with a filter though ;) 

Anyway, sorry I went off on a right little tangent there! Unicorn day was Xmas eve and after my friend left I was pretty shattered so again just rested for the rest of the day.

When I woke up on Xmas day I could tell that I felt pretty ropey but not too terrible, I wanted to look and feel nice so I did my makeup (which I hardly ever bother to do these days) and ‘helped’ my mum cook the xmas lunch… basically I stood around for a bit, got in the way a lot, and helped lay the table. What would she have done without me huh!

Xmas dinner wash so damn good, but… how can I put it… let’s just say it didn’t go down too well and that was me done for the afternoon. Fucking Crohns disease, WHY DO YOU HATE ME?! Sorry, TMI but I couldn’t really care less ;) Then that evening we played an exciting game of snakes and ladders and watched a film. lavley.

In the eve I went for my daily walk - I am trying so so so hard to stick to my GET (Graded Exercise Therapy) and didn’t feel up to doing it but pushed through it as per, and did it.

When I started the GET this time around I started at the beginning of October on a 10 minute walk a day (and nothing else other than making food, and pottering about the house really) - Now it’s January and I’m on 25 minutes. It’s great that I have made an improvement, but not gonna lie, I thought I’d be on like an hour by now and could start doing some songwriting or focusing on other things, but nah. Still doing the walking.

Anyway the walk that night just about finished me off and I felt awful afterwards… for a week! FS!

Boxing Day I was pretty much in tears most of the day (sorry family!) and on the sofa and same for the rest of the week - I managed to travel back up to my Dad’s place for Xmas numero due, but felt like utter arse.

At least the main activity at my dads was watching films YEP and flying this little drone thing around home made obstacle courses YEP - which I could join in with whilst sat on my arse lol - We did have a nice time though and it was so good to spend so much time with all my family at least! I am so lucky to have them and am so close to them all, so that’s definitely something eh :)

Then it was back to my place in London for a few more days resting before NYE! The most overrated night of the year!

I was really so touched this year as some of my housemates decided to stay in with me :) To be honest I am still unsure of wether they genuinely wanted to or if they felt they had to, but either way I appreciated it SO MUCH!

I was really worried that they’d all go out -  but of course I told them that it would be genuinely fine and I’d have been happy for them to go- but maybe they just saw straight through that!

I was really scared about how I would cope with being sat on my own in bed when the clock struck midnight - I know it sounds a bit overdramatic, and it really doesn’t matter what you’re doing at that moment, but I think it says so much about your life. Sorry, I am welling up typing this, but I think it says a lot to be sat on your own seeing in the new year and I truly hope that none of you guys had to do that. I guess it still upsets me so freakin’ much that I just can’t do the ‘normal’ things that all of my friends can, ya know?

HOWEVER! I ended up having a lovely evening with Grace, Nicki and Tilly- we got masses of takeaway, watched a few shit films, and even saw a few fireworks from our garden :) How romantic! And having been so worried about having a complete breakdown, I didn’t even cry once! YAS!

Oh and we even all dressed in pink and made unicorn cupcakes! Winning? I think so! #PinkParty

So….2018 you little fucker!! What have you got in store for me this year?

You’ll be relieved to hear that so far I have been feeling pretty positive and I always love the opportunity for a fresh start!

I have been going for my walk every day and trying to put less pressure on myself - I think the thing that makes all of this so hard is that fact that I am so driven and wanting so much to have a successful career in the music industry- even typing that again makes me get all teary again but I HAVE to accept that it’s not going to happen just yet- and that patience is the key!

I have so many songs finished and ready to release, I just need to get well enough to have the energy to release them, and to make some new music videos etc. I am really really hoping that I might be able to do one in the summer maybe, and take it from there. But for now my health has to be my number one priority.

I’ll write again in feb! Let’s see if I can get to say 35 min walk by then eh! Wish me luck! Thank you for reading this, please don’t hesitate to get in touch and to follow my blog would be amaze!!! :)

Also, just as a last call, if anyone would like to purchase any of my merchandise, all of the profits are going to the charity Action for M.E. so your support would be hugely appreciated! You can see it all on the merch tab on my website www.aliceella.com :) Thanks guys :) xxx

[tfwlawyers]

so a while ago someone asked me what my hcs on phoenix’s (lack of canon) parents/guardians was and I gave some boring answer but recently I’ve changed it !! a lot !! here’s 2.5k of hc under the cut !!

spoilers being that I don’t think he actually had parents

more spoilers, I specifically hc he was a child in foster care who was never adopted and had to leave for independent living once he became a legal adult (and if my wording on any of this is off, plEase do message me about it!! I’ve been doing some research/have a bit of personal experience with this on my own but yeh; also localization-based so)

my hc for phoenix’s parents used to be that they were just pretty okay people who supported him well enough but they were never /that close of a family, they moved somewhere else after high school and he stayed behind for college and then the rest of his life basically - they were fairly average people who just. didn’t quite care enough to keep in touch with their son and vice-versa for phoenix

and I love when people give him loving parent(s) hcs (like him having two moms being so popular on the kink meme a few years back) and it’s sweet and hell yeah for aus, but it just? doesn’t make sense to me in canon; there’s no mention of his parents anywhere aside from a passing comment about his mother (and if I remember right it’s because someone brought up I want to ssaaayy morgan? maybe? as a sort of ‘[someone’s] mother’ comment and phoenix being phoenix just went ‘my mom?’ like Babe), no one was there to help him during his disbarment/trucy’s adoption except for a handful of friends, no one showed up for him during college when he was on trial for murder, so ??

there’s just that single brief passing mention of a biological mother and he has no issues with calling yanni ‘dad’ for that bit in 1-4 / ema ‘what are you, my mom’ in 1-5 and obviously great-grandad ryuunosuke, but that’s all I can think of regarding canon mentions of any sort of family? which, wow what a lot to work with

so. yeah. maybe his biological parents died or couldn’t support him but regardless, he wound up in a home and was never adopted and just booted out once he turned 18 (or whatever the respective age for that state/district is, I do base most of my hcs off weird localization so heyo LA)

like. here’s all we know about phoenix’s childhood (and if I’m forgetting anything, hmu):

-what happened at the class trial (and a lot of homes do have their children attend public schools)

-he’s an only child

-it was raining during his elementary school graduation

-dahlia/his murder trial in college

-he fuckgh tipped cows once goddamit phoenix

like that’s…. it, that’s all we know about him/his past prior to college, so this hc does make the most amount of sense to me considering canon + just his character overall?

it explains his fear of abandonment/hatred of being alone and maybe why all the kids turned on him so easily in the class trial (if he was the ‘weird’ one without parents then imho it’d be even easier for those kids to believe someone ‘out of the norm’ could steal money, like if they were already so willing to turn on him based on the simple fact that he wasn’t in gym that day mmMMM add that in and you’ve got even more to it), why he clings so fiercely to people and will do anything to protect them (eating glass for dahlia, changing his entire career for edgeworth, running across burning bridges and kicking down doors for maya, etc), why he adopted trucy so damn quickly when he honestly had no real reason to other than being /phoenix and not wanting her to wind up lost in the same system he did

it explains his immaturity in college before mia rolled in, if he never had a lot of individual attention/guidance growing up it honestly does make sense he’d be a bit more immature than other 20-somethings (mia is 100% his mom but like. adding in this hc, mia is his mom, one of the first people who wanted to genuinely help and guide him when he never really had that before)

it explains his quiet jealousy/self deprecation of wealth/appreciation for finer things but why he still spends his money on things like taking maya and later pearl out to lunch so often (off-track but phoenix wright wants to be domestic ok he wants to be So domestic, he wants a big open home with comfortable furniture and nice dishes and a loving family and uGH HE’S GONNA HAVE IT ALL… SOMEDAY……), why he acts like such a big brother/paternal figure to maya and pearl right off the bat even at just 24-25 years old

it explains why he wants to help people so much and is willing to sometimes do it for free if they really have nothing, he’ll gripe about it later for sure but he does occasionally view his job as an attorney and helping those with no one on their side a bit more highly than a paycheck (also tangent but I never really understood the hc about phoenix hating ~charity?? it’s such a popular one and if there’s anything in canon that supports that plS message me because I genuinely just don’t get that one, in 1-4 he thinks something along the lines of ‘wonder if I can get edgeworth to pay this month’s rent, too’ after edgeworth posts bail for maya, like Yeah it’s played more of a joke than anything else but idk I? never really got that he’s too prideful to ask for help, financial or otherwise - he’s never been the greatest with money between sometimes letting clients off the hook/only taking a handful of cases per year and that’s a flaw on its own, but disliking any sort of financial assistance so vehemently I never understood for him? ANYWAY TANGENT SORRY)

it explains why he kind of just did whatever the hell he wanted with his life (I’m a third year in college right now which was the same year phoenix was when he switched his major from art to law and if I changed my major rn my parents would be sO pissed with me lmao ((another hc that the reason phoenix is so poor is that he’s still paying off fuckin 7+ years of student loans ,bye)) 

so. yeah. phoenix who hit the respective age limit for foster care and wound up entirely on his own, lost and clutching vague ideals like a family through theater (getting to that, hang on), then to dahlia’s love and then the desire to save/see edgeworth again (phoenix has pretty big issues with motivation too, especially when he’s alone (why he gets all mope-y whenever maya’s gone djfld) so if something more tangible shows up he’s more likely to see it through; he’s extremely single-minded and he clings a lot to people who are important to him, like he was willing to swallow poisoned glass for dahlia and change his entire goddamn life for edgeworth So these leaps make sense to me here too considering the shift from something less concrete to /more)

and I’ve fully embraced takumi’s idea about him wanting to pursue shakespearean acting in college rather than any sort of visual arts (‘I’m in the art department!!!’ college phoenix says, 'WHAT KIND OF ART’ I yell at my DS), and when I factor this new hc into his college life it makes a lot of sense there too?

his wanting to be an actor was never his Dream or anything, he dropped it in a heartbeat for law and he explicitly says he never once regretted the change in 3-5, but? I have a fair amount of theater friends and they all agree that being in a theater company is like having a family and that’s something he would have really wanted; he always liked language and the drama and tragedy and comedy and romance of shakespeare’s works too (hc the only other thing he bothered taking with him besides clothes and a bit of money when he left was a dog-eared volume of shakespeare’s best), but those being the only reasons he kinda just decided 'why not, I’ll go into acting’ - there wasn’t anything deeper beyond that, he just. didn’t have anything else /planned for his future, no matter what he chose it didn’t really matter so why not pick something he had an interest in and where he’d be guaranteed to be around other people?? 

my mom never went to college and she says a large part of that was because her family didn’t support her so she never felt she could amount to anything in school (she wanted to go into theater herself, interestingly enough), so kinda just? phoenix never having that attention and support from a parent/guardian/anyone (again, leading back to his lack of maturity in 3-1), he just picked something he thought he might enjoy in acting and the second he saw that newspaper article about ~demon prosecutor edgeworth he started hunting down some law books on the side too

because acting never meant /that much to him, not over saving someone (especially /this someone hahHA)

I always had the impression that miles and larry were some of phoenix’s first real friends, so if you think about miles being his first friend/first person to stand up for him in the class trial when !! kid with no parents that no one liked !! it makes it all the more aaAAAAAAAGHH and his determination to save edgeworth /back even !!! more !!!!!

plus phoenix later learning that miles only has a single father himself and finding a bit of comfort in that is really sweet to me too? miles doesn’t have the most conventional family either but he loves gregory and gregory loves him and they’re doing just fine on their own; gregory meeting phoenix a few times and being so happy that miles has friends/phoenix always being genuinely interested whenever miles brings gregory up is. pure

((another random bit soRRY LMAO I DON’T POST MY OWN META A LOT, BEAR WITH ME - my hc for miles’s biological mother is that they kind of just dropped him off with gregory as a baby and bowed out, they were never a part of his life and never really wanted to be but miles never felt he missed out on anything growing up either; gregory is like the Ultimate Single Father, he loves talking/thinking about miles in his flashback case but if I remember right he never brings up a partner or anything, so just ?? single dad gregory… ye boy….))

oK so that’s over, I’m almost done with this post I swear  

takumi put a lot of himself in phoenix and I always found it interesting that we never really got any information about his childhood/guardians beyond the class trial and random bits and pieces of memories, especially considering the fact that phoenix is one of our main leads (and would have stayed our only main lead in trilogy if capcom hadn’t wanted him back for AJ); for ema and lana we got a passing comment about how their parents died in a car crash and it was never gone into further detail than that but it was still /something, for phoenix we don’t even have that

aa deals a lot with broken families (fey and edgeworth and skye and von karma and gramarye and sahdmadhi and khura'in), intentionally or not, so? having one of its main protagonists be a man who never once actually /had a blood family of his own but works to mend/help others (like… ignoring… how trucy and apollo still don’t know… and that’s something I honestly can’t fault phoenix for entirely as he waited to ask thalassa what she wanted to do as their biological mother and she asked to keep her relation to them private for a little while longer, like it still drives me up the wall that it’s gone on this long and as trucy is his /daughter he should at least be able to tell them they’re //siblings if not necessarily reveal who their mother is until thalassa is ready lmmao, but I blame the writers for that more than anything else at this point) is something I really really love, and along the way he crafts his own family and clings to them so tightly and mMM YEAH 

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO END META POSTS BUT THERE U GO, THAT’S MINE

[sorbet-hydratante]

With our speeches fast approaching tomorrow, I keep thinking about how last year had went. Especially February........ that was one of the worst.

If I get the position, I don’t want her to talk over me, dictate over me, undermine my leadership. I would finally be in a position to actually manage how things go this semester, and I don’t want to end up like a certain two of our other leaders, in which she pretty much takes over anyway whether they were just submissive or quiet or whatever.

Some of her ideas are really great, but when I really think about it, how she goes about it leaves a bit to be desired. She says she did research, but really she just looked up some videos on Youtube and maybe one or two pages of the actual thing. During meeting. All of it really gets planned at last minute, even though she tries to say otherwise. She tries to put a unique spin on it, I think, but it ends up making people uncomfortable. And because I want to change several things about it this time, a part of me worries that she’ll get all salty and p-o’ed. I want to stay true to the original content, that’s all. And her thing isn’t a genuine recreation of it, I’m sorry.

And another thing I gotta worry about is that people will still expect her to do the things despite whoever is gonna be in the position. I’m just...... augh.

.........It’s been a long while since, but I still can’t get over how she handled the thing too. Yes, those other people were in the wrong, yes, she’s been having to deal with that awful shit, yes, she is justified in how she felt and I’m not trying to argue or say otherwise. But she screamed at us and then tried to say otherwise, she said she made a notice on the page and I looked and it wasn’t there, and while things were made up with the other group at the time (kinda), she never addressed up or let us know we were going to be okay or just talk to us really. She makes a post on the page concerning our plans and it was like. It was like she was trying to pretend the whole debacle never happened with our group. The only thing I had wanted from her was an apology during the talk, and I could tell she was slowly increasingly getting upset as she told me this and that instead. And I forgot what she said. Maybe something about the other group? How distressed she was? How she was dealing with said shit? I forget............. But yes. In the end, she just. Didn’t take responsibility for her side of things too. If I am to take this position, and I see her do a thing, I will do something about it. As per the responsibility of my position....

She also got someone banned from the group in the end, and while it was for the best as it turns out he was trying to take down the club after all, my problem was during that time I had been keeping a track of who paid dues and when, and he had actually paid his dues. And she had made a point to the higher ups that he didn’t. Because he actually did pay his dues, I don’t know if that would have changed anything....? I ended up learning his motives in the next semester so I dunno...... She never even bothered to check to see if he did, or maybe she wanted to sweep that under the rug too...........

Which is another problem I have with her. Even before this, she would like?? change the wording of the story a bit to make it more worse than it actually was, or just to paint her in a better light. And I’m just. I just don’t even know why. And since that time, she has been increasingly negative. Every event we held last semester, she has lashed out in some way. At us because we didn’t know what to do (and trying our best because both leaders were nowhere to be seen mind you) and she got pissed off about it. At another group because others didn’t really like the song she played and she was just mouthing it to begin with and trying to listen to it instead (which defeats the purpose of the event tbh, but here she was more justified), and at our last one where she made light of a starving kid’s situation, brandished a knife at someone, and went off in a pissed tangent against my boyfriend simply because he didn’t want his picture taken and he was kind of blunt about it. And even after that she continued to egg him on and constantly talk him down........

And it’s no wonder why the club is negative and no one really wants to say much. She produces a lot of negativity (along with some other guy). She and our last leader kinda..... I feel like they looked down on us a lot. How he addressed us a lot of the time, it was more so in either a monotone way, or in a passively aggressive pissed off kinda way. The people who are in club still are remnants from last Spring, and both old and new left, either due to negativity or just plain unproductiveness. Along with probability not knowing what we want and perhaps being kinda disinterested, maybe another reason why we don’t say anything when she asks us ‘What do you want to do today?’ is because of what had happened and people might actually be too scared to say anything. I know our second leader empathizes a lot with her, and in some instances I agree, but there’s just. Negativity.... It’s too much. That’s why my friend left that one night. All of her negativity was just getting too much. It’s too much. It’s too much it’s too much.

This semester, I want to make a change. This’ll sound really high and mighty, but I want to do better than any other leader that this group has had. I want to be the very best, and set the damn standards here because we fucking need it. I especially want to do better than last year’s entirety, and to get rid of what control she has as much as possible, because ever since then it’s just been negative and no good for us. I worry if she keeps control, then once she graduates we’ll be left with a sense of loss. But maybe that’s what she wants...?

With her constantly saying how much she wants this group to die and how much she hates this group and whatnot, I just don’t feel she is fit to be leader anymore. Sorry. Just thinking about it makes my blood pressure rise like no tomorrow. Guess it’s good that I’m ranting here instead right? (lolol) I do want to rant about it but I don’t want to be negative to other people and bring up the past so it’s best to do it here. Besides, there’s nothing we can do to change the past now. Instead, there is the future. And I’m gonna do my best for it.

But yeah. I feel positive that I will be elected tomorrow, so I’m not that worried except maybe my speech is a bit too detailed? Ah well~ I’m a little worried about the others but then again, unless that certain guy gets elected it shouldn’t be too bad if our entire formed group can’t make it. We can work with it~

I have wanted to quit several times in the past but now, I’m here and I’m in it to win it.

I will take charge.

I will make changes.

I will make damn sure that people will actually start to feel more welcomed and invited and less feeling of closed off and negativity.

I will keep track of anything and everything, including all posts on the page. Because when looking up on how to improve a negative atmosphere, one suggestion was to keep track of everything. And that’s what I’m gonna do.

And finally.

I will make fucking sure that my leadership will not be undermined.

.......Especially by her.