#sorry i dont know how to make a read more cut on mobile i forgot

[sygiandepths]

Ive been working on more worldbuilding stuff, so you might see textposts about those soon, heres a taste.

Heres a chart for friendly eye contact procedures when commincating with a wild theriad.

Eye contact is a, as described within the image, incredibly ballsy thing to do. But id like to say this is a face on coversation. Often theriads will postion themselves differently when talking. Important messages will put the theriad closer, while less important things are said over a distance. Important messages are also always done with eye contact. It basically says "im very serious right now" quick flicks between no eye contact and some is fine in conversation but heavy maintained eye contact can be seen as a challenge trying to be pursued, especially on their territory.

[youraveragegoat]

Im so sorry i don't know how to make a read more cut on mobile.

Every time we're debating/having a charged conversation and I state i agree with my dad, he says "Im so glad we agree on something" like sir! We actually agree on a lot! Just because I expand on the point you made doesn't mean I disagree with you about it! Smh.

(this in particular was about school vouchers and the controversies around that and after listening him tell me about it I thought for a moment and said "the whole system needs to be reworked" which made him say "im so glad we agree on something" but like. The entire time he was telling me about it, he didn't state an opinion lmao. Were we agreeing that the system needed to be reworked? Idk the last time was about how gay people are portrayed in media so 🤷‍♂️)

Anyway I've been talking with my dad until literally right now (4hrs past bedtime) and my mom (was working so she didn't participate too much) said my relationship with my dad is a lot better (in part bc I dont live here anymore) because he actually sees me as an adult now 🙃 yikes but fair im only 22

I printed out and forced my dad to read the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and he stopped at article 25 (everyone has the right to an adequate standard of living) and was like Woah that sounds like socialism? and he was like Who's Gonna Provide This? The Government? and I had to explain that nooo(👀) its about opportunity. Do we have the right to freedom of speech? Its constitutional, of course we do. But we didnt always have that right. We fought for it. People died for it.

We (our white, Christian family) have the opportunity to live in places where the standard of living is good and we have access to good healthcare and clean drinking water and etcetera. BUT! Tons of people don't have access and thats why we have to fight for this right, to change the system, just like the people before us fought to change the system for our freedom of speech.

Idk man. It seemed like he got it, I know my mom did, she's kinda always been our mediator, but a lot of my dad's Knowledge comes from, like, conservative talk shows and church speakers. It's hard to figure out how much he's internalized.

This felt like how I had to explain We Can't Say The N Word by using queer as a substitute. I can call myself queer but someone saying 'youre one of them queers' isn't cool. Like it's not equated at all but it got the point across to him at least.

When we were watching tonights sermon, the guy was answering a question about another believer not supporting BLM and the like and he said something along the lines of: I would encourage them to study American history. And I nodded like fuck yeah dude and my mom was nodding too!! That's cool of her.

Still. I find it hard to... figure out how to SHOW them the implication of their vote. What it means.

The guy giving the sermon got a question that said I Feel Like Im Torn Between Supporting Black People and Being Anti Abortion.

And the guy. Did something he shouldn't have done and I hope if they post the sermon elsewhere that they cut it out, but he said "PERSONALLY I THINK IM SINNING IF I VOTE FOR SOMEONE WHO SUPPORTS KILLING BABIES. PERSONALLY" like. 😒 you knew exactly what that means, you motherfucker.

I dont remember why I asked but we were talking about "radical Islamic groups" quote unquote and my dad was explaining that he'd attended a talk at an old church (and said some things that really demonized Muslims as a whole) and I had to stop him and say I So Want To Believe That Person (👀) but neither of us have read their holy book so we don't know if they're telling the truth and i know for a fact there are Christians going around talking to churches and calling for my death, just because I'm queer. So yeah I want to trust you but for me and the experiences of the community im in, I hold skepticism. And both he and my mom agreed with me and the conversation moved on.

I was going to make a point about religious freedom being one of the original tenants of America and we shouldn't force our religion on people who don't want it, but i kept getting distracted and only ended up getting them to agree with me that America should hold our stance on religious freedom (Even though voting for whoever is anti abortion bc thats the hill you want to die on, directly opposes that belief. 🤷‍♂️ I'll get em tomorrow)

ANYWAY

IM MAKING A KAHOOT ABT FASCISM bc my mom didnt know what the word meant (dangerous) when I started going off about how we should all be antifa! :3c and im getting a haircut tomorrow! And!! In order to access a certain essay for said Kahoot, I have to either be enrolled in a school or go thru a library so I gotta go get a library card XP. Which I wanted to do anyways but now I have a reason besides audio books.

[starglitterz]

cynosure. (vii)

─── chapter 7 ! ~ bubble tea

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summary; you and xiao are genmates under the famed streamer company genshin impact. the chemistry between the two of you is undeniable, and your fanbases absolutely love your collaborations. but when you both start meeting up offline more and more, your connection starts to deepen past just harmless flirting and playful banter. with these real feelings starting to affect both your job and reputation online, how will you two react when your relationship becomes the internet’s cynosure?

a/n: apologies for the ugly formatting i needed space for 10 images so i removed the banners LMAO,,, hehe i hope u all like this chapter bc i certainly do (it went kinda far from my og plan LOL) also i forgot to add this but reading order is; 1 2 3 4

warnings; hate comments

previous.┃masterlist.┃next.

please reblog ! it helps a lot :)

this chapter is dedicated to story !! (@/storytravelled) hehehe tysm for all the adorable tags u leave in the reblogs, they make me rlly happy and i love reading them!! ^_^ <3

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private messages !

groupchat 1 !

groupchat 2 !

twitter !

private messages !

facts !!

scaramouche is a famous tea channel, he starts informs people about drama in the youtube community. his sources are usually untrustworthy but everyone believes him because he's pretty. has been cancelled numerous times but still comes back every single time, much to the chagrin of the poor streamers whom he sets his eye on to make his next video about.

feiyun slope is is the northeastern area in liyue harbour. in-game, wanmin restaurant is actually in chihu rock, but for story purposes it's now at feiyun slope since that's usually where business occurs in the game.

hu tao and yanfei were on a ghost-hunting date, they had stopped to take a break after quite a long time without seeing any ghosts and that's when hu tao texted in the groupchat.

xiao's contact name is tiny because of a joke w his chinese name that i mentioned in a previous chapter. xiao’s chinese name is 魈, read as xiāo and meaning 'demon’, but the word for 'small’ in chinese is 小, read as xiăo. basically if you mispronounce xiao’s name the meaning will change, and so y/n nicknamed him tiny bc of the word 小.

while yanfei says the username is 'genshin-impact-updates', the actual poster is 'gi-updates'. just take this as yanfei having a rare lapse of memory, pretend it's not bc i realised twt usernames can't be that long <3

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a/n; YOOO SOME DRAMA??? LMFAOKMDKSD also i dont know how bubble tea works so i cut out a whole part i had planned for this but! genesussy helped me out when i was asking qs in the discord server hehe 😎 ty genesis btw!! <3 besides that im sorry for delaying this chapter for like 700 years T_T i didnt have any time to write it </3 fun fact i nearly cried editing parts of this on mobile bc it was so laggy omg,,, but now that it's out, i hope u all like it !! also send me theories abt what u think will happen next or perish /j ily all, im abt to go sleep now (i just realised i always finish cynosure chapters late at night HAHA) so goodnight my loves ! or good morning when u read this ! either way i hope you like this chapter and continue enjoying cynosure <333

taglist; @noirkkat @bookuya @ohmykazuha @glazelilyy @oreoz-unfortunately @tiny-aroace @xiaophobic @test-tube @jiinghe @storytravelled @mirikusashes @ben6ett @oliviasslut @bluexiao @lunachelly @aelatus @mimion @akiiyukii @angelhxneyy @give-xiao-almond-tofu @abyssheart @xuanya @normalisthenewnorm @viagiraffe @fuhuashandholder @astersg4rden @nachotrash @childe-support @cynokine @axerrri @ventirain @kait-is-always-late @hushyouu @celestair @rim0na @indecisivehusky @nurserinnn @ariesreii @saving-for-xiao @hellokittykuroo @auradragon199 @xiaoszn @liarchive @almondto-fu @berryqueue @chichikoi @yunaholics @yoimimi @http-mewchuu

usernames in bold could not be tagged :( pls do lmk if want to be added to/removed from the taglist by sending in an ask! taglist pt 2 is open, and will be tagged in a reblog of this chapter when i wake up!

fan accounts !

- @severedftaes

- @/berryqueue

general masterlist.

© starglitterz 2021. do not repost or modify in any way.

[sennextheassasinkingoflight]

"I'll Always Stay"

Witcher fic. Pre slash Geraskier fic. Rated T and up for minor swearing, blood and gore.

Cross posted on AO3

Geralt and Jaskier get into a fight. Geralt gets injured. Jaskier takes care of him. (Fae Jaskier.)

(Still figuring out read more links on mobile. Help!)

It wasn't as though he had never seen Geralt injured; or that he had never stitched torn and bloodied flesh back together, while the witcher sat brooding beside him; or like he hadn't learned all the witchers potions, how to make them, what they do, how and when they should be administered. But this. This was different.

Geralt was unconscious on the ground beside him. He was without armor, and based on the the amount of blood covering pale skin he wasn't sure that he'd even been wearing it when he was attacked. He'd had it when he'd stormed out of camp with a growled, 

"Fuck off." 

The witcher had not gone on a hunt. No, that would have been good. Would have settled Jaskiers heart, if only a little. No, instead he had stalked off into the moonless night because they were fighting and he was done with Jaskier and the conversation. When he hadn't returned by midnight Jaskiers unease grew, blossoming dread in his chest and reaching out with tendrils, spreading to Roach and filling the clearing of their campsite. Setting his jaw and recognizing he was being reckless and quiet foolhardy he started into the darkness. Concern squeezed at his heart and weighed like lead in his chest. The darkness was consuming. 

He was blind in the darkness and it was by sheer luck alone that he found the witcher at all. Or so, he would say. Now he wishes he was closer to camp and that he had brought more than a single vile of Swallow. He glances around the blackened clearing and though his eyes had adjusted a little he can't see anything now. He's far to close to continue using his magic. Blindly he gropes for one of Geralts swords, anything, fear prickling his skin, raising the hair on his neck and arms. If Geralt had been rendered unconscious and bloody than it would be in Jaskiers best sense to run back to camp and stay there. 

With one of the witchers too heavy sword, slick with blood in his hands, he knelt over his friend and listened for too slow breathes, feeling for a too slow pulse. Watching the barely there rise and fall of a bruised and bloodied chest. When he found it he foracably swallowed back his panic, thrusting it from his mind. With shaking hands Jaskier lifted a white clad head into his lap, hair more pink than white.  Finally he pulled the vial of Swallow from his pocket and slowly tipped it into an unresponsive mouth. He brushed his fingers down Geralts throat, coaxing it into contracting and swallowing the potion. It was a slow process. 

A few moments later, Jaskier huffs out a small sigh of relief. Geralt is breathing easier, if only just. There is no way to get the witcher back to camp and it's too dark to see the full extent of injuries, or find his other sword, and let's not forget the creature that was lurking somewhere in the shadows. Without thinking about it he let his magic sleep out around him. That would keep whatever it was away. He swallowed, it was a calculated risk. And perhaps Geralt would be to out of it to notice it in the morning. 

He'd spent so long with humans he'd nearly forgot he had it. Still he dare not use it on Geralt unless there was no other option. That the witcher would notice immediately. So instead he whispers, "I'm sorry." 

Sorry he can't use his very nature to save his friends life. Maybe one day. Sorry for the things he had said. Sorry that Geralt had been injured. Sorry for everything he'd done that annoyed, hurt, or angered the witcher. 

While he waited for the sun to rise, he ran delicate musicians fingers through coarse, sticky hair. Guilt resting around him like a cloak. As the grey light of dawn rose he felt like an idiot forgetting he could have used his magic to take stock of Geralts injuries at the least, he'd already let it lay lazily around the forest floor. Panic had made him fuzzy. Though that too would have been a very calculated risk. If Geralt found out. Well…. Jaskier quiet liked his life as it was. 

The wounds were healing, slowly. Witchers mutations and potion at work. But it wasn't fast enough, congealed red blood oozed from the wounds, even now. hours later. Jaskiers fears to think what would have been if he had waited for the light to go looking. Slowly as not to strain or startle the still unconscious witcher he extricated himself. He hated what he was about to do but it was necessary. He moved quickly, quicker than this form should have moved. He returned to and broke camp quickly and Roach followed him with a soft neigh. 

He turns to her and whispers softly. 

"Don't tell him please." He holds eye contact with her until she snorts into his shoulder. This really shouldn't be a concern right now. But it is. 

When he returned to Geralts side he collected his silver sword, gingerly, and placed it with the steel. He gathered up shredded armor, and for all his vast knowledge of magical creatures, more than he let's on, he has no idea what did this.  He swallowed harshly. This was not good. 

He built a fire and set water to boil. Doing things the mortal way was not his favorite thing. He notes absently that their supplies are running low. He gathers another bottle of Swallow and again coaxes it down Geralts throat. Finished he set about creating a salve or potion. Anything that would help his friend. With the water ready he set about washing away the blood and dirt from the front of Geralts torso. He couldn't reach his back and hoped it wasn't as bad. Although the fact that the injuries were this severe on his stomach was disheartening and highly concerning. 

Really he hadn't meant to make him angry. But he had been cold, wet, hungry and they had been traveling for 3 days straight stopping only for a few hours of sleep. Not a problem if he wasn't hiding what he is from the witcher, remarkably well at that. And Geralt hadn't told him anything. Hadn't said where the were going, what they were doing. And he'd known the moment the words left his mouth, he'd known he had completely and irrevocably fucked up. So he'd spent the next five hours apologizing profusely for his mistake. Saying that he hadn't meant it he'd only been angry. It wasn't true. It was never true. The witcher had decided to set camp and then stormed off into the dark effectively ending the conversation. Uncertain what to do he had tended Roach and the fire. He hadn't even attempted to compose. Then he'd just listened in silence and darkness for Geralt to return thinking about how to make it right. 

Now he was sitting on his knees in the dirt beside his wounded friend who could very well die. He told himself to stop thinking like that.he'd give himself away before he actually let Geralt die. 

He continued peeling back torn remnants of clothing, soaking bits that were stubbornly stuck and then removing them completely. He washed as he went removing dirt and congealed blood with water then antiseptic. He knows it has to sting a ridiculous amount  and is grateful the witcher is still unconscious. 

The cuts are deep. The flesh is torn and ragged like it had been ripped from bone; the cuts were not clean and sliced. They are deep and he pulls back flesh to make sure its clean. Infection has likely already begun to set in. Once he's satisfied that the wounds are as clean as they can be he sets to work stitching the flesh. 

It isn't pretty work. And his stitches, though practiced, are not beautiful against ashen skin. They're uneven and some are a little tight others a little loose. But he's a bard. He is not a surgeon or a seamster. Still it's work that needs to be done so he bites his lip and let's hands accustomed to playing strings guide one through muscle and skin. 

He swallows down bile. Guilt returning as the stitched wounds continue to ooze blood. If only he hadn't riled him up, hadn't let him stalk off into the darkness of night, angry and alone. 

He continues to work with nimble fingers on the skin he can see. At some point he lost track of how many stitches he had run. Finished with the visible portion of Geralts torso he smears a thick salve across it. He can't bandage it now. He has to wait for the witcher to sit up. And he prays to every deity he can think of that he isn't badly injured on his back. He clenches his teeth, bounces his leg, and let his eyes roam over Geralts prone form. "Wake up" he thinks desperate with nervousness. Tears work their way towards his eyes, his throat constricting painfully. 

"Geralt please. I know. I was unkind. I didn't mean it. Truly. I swear it just slipped out. It was a low blow and I knew it would get a reaction. But I didn't mean it. I swear. I am so sorry. Please. Please don't die here Geralt. Don't die. Not yet. Not like this." He whispers leaning back against the tree head titled back silent tears streaking his face. He closes his eyes. He tells himself if there's no improvement by that night, he'll use his magic and hope against all odds the witcher doesn't send him away.  

Until Geralt woke up there was nothing more he could do. He keeps his eyes closed but doesn't sleep. Ears turned to the sound of breathing beside him. Time passes and the sun rises high overhead. A low groan pulls him from his heartache. 

"Geralt?" He pitches forward from the tree and scrambles to push the witcher back down. 

" Geralt! Stop. Dont sit up your injured. Badly." He frowns. The witcher lays back obediantly. Tired eyes scanning his surroundings. He nods and seems to relax. And the dread in the pit of Jaskiers stomach dissipates.

" I tended the injuries I could find." He starts quiet, just barely a whisper and then more confidently. " I'm sorry Geralt. Really. I- I am so sorry." He gets a grunt and the two stare at each other for a while. Geralts features hard, but he must see something in Jaskier that tells him undoubtedly that these words are true, because his brow unpinches and his jaw relaxes. The witcher let's out a long sigh. Then pushes himself up into a sitting position. and Jaskier goes from concerned his friend won't forgive him to concerned his friend is going to run off and never come back and die alone in the woods to hes not moving but now I can see his back, oh God I can see his bakc in the span of a single breath. 

"Your wounds are serious! Geralt you really shouldn't --" 

" Stop, Jaskier. There's a--" 

"Oh yes indeed. Stay put. I'll just grab the supplies." So he gathers up a fresh rag and the water he's kept warm and the salve and bandages. The needle and threading. Finally he settles himself behind Geralt and neither speaks. He hears the witcher inhale against the sting of the antiseptic.

"Two vials of Swallow. One when I found you. One 6 hours later, when I could see to get back to camp." He says dutifully, never looking away from his work. These arn't nearly as bad as the others. He works quickly so he can properly bandage the mess.

"Hand me the bandages." He says pulling the last stitch tight. And Geralt let's out a pained grunt as he reaches for them. Jaskier doesn't hesitate to begin winding them around the witchers torso. Arms bracketing the larger man far to intimately in the process. He pulls them just tightly enough, with well and overly practiced ease. He hesitates, then he moves back to Geralts side. 

He doesn't speak, just breathes. He's said his peace. He doesn't flinch under Geralts scrutiny as the man continues to look at him. 

"Your eyes seem bluer." 

"Crying." He says after a moment of silent panic.

"Hmm…. I'm sorry too." 

And he actually chokes on his own spit. What? He looks at Geralt and stretches a hand out to touch his forehead but the witcher holds eye contact. 

"Well then. I guess were squared away now?"

A nod. "I'm tired Jaskier." The witcher says eyes soft and unfocused as he reaches out a hand to brush fingers against the bards flushed cheek.

"Then sleep, Geralt. I'll stay."

"I'll always stay." 

[shra-vasti]

KWON SOONYOUNG

Series : To all the boys

Pairing : Kwon Soonyoung x reader

Type : non idol au, ex-couple au

Genre : angst, drama, fluff, romance

Warnings : few curse words

Word count : 1.8k

Synopsis : You decided to write some letters to every boy who was a part of your past as your last message after getting diagnosed with chronical disease.

MAIN MASTERLIST

[Received, 01.10.2020] | one | previous | next

It's been exactly a week since you started dating Soonyoung. He was happy when you contacted him the very next day and asked him to meet you.

You were feeling guilty that you broke his heart and the tear stained picture on his face which was on your mind all throughout the night didn't let you sleep.

It was childish, you were aware. You had the right to reject but no one had ever cried for you so you didn't think twice before asking Kihyun for his number.

"You do realize that this is a one sided relationship?" Andie asked as she along with your other friend, Zeny, were hanging out with each other at her house.

"I know." you said softly as you plopped yourself on her bed on your back, your head hanging by the edge of her bed staring at the ceiling.

"You're going to get bored soon." Zeny tagged along, continuing the snack she was eating earlier.

"Actually I'm already bored." you laughed ironically.

Your friends told you what you did is going to end up hurting him but now you regretted not listening to them.

"You shouldn't have agree with him just because you pity him." Andie shook her head at you like she knew this would happen.

"I didn't realize I was pitting him okay? I just felt bad and thought I should do something about him."

"Could have friendzoned him or something."

You huffed feeling frustrated, it was all your fault and you didn't want to overflood yourself with guilt that he probably was thinking about you all the time and here you were thinking about how you regret going out with him.

Soonyoung's a fun guy with a really adorable eye smile. He loved dancing and was serious about it. He always had this habit of messaging you whenever he was going out with his friends or family.

He loved to brag about you, a thing you had come to learn over a few days of span and that only fueled you with more guilt.

You were still young, didn't know much about relationships and love and he was older than you by couple of years but that didn't stop him from showering you with love.

When you look back at the time spent with him, you had never really done anything for him since you still weren't familiar with him.

You knew basics about him but that's it, you didn't know what keeps him up at night, what's the story behind his non favorite ice cream flavor, what kind of a person he is, none of it.

And somehow instead of you feeling ecstatic about knowing more of him you found yourself getting more and more bored.

The sudden notification from your phone put a halt in your conversation, you reached towards your phone to see who was it.

Soonyoung : I'll pick you up in an hour ;-)

"Oh shiii, I forgot I had a date with him."

You instantly replied him with a quick okay and started packing your stuff to go to your house and get ready.

"How can you forget about a date with your own boyfriend?" Andie laughed sipping her drink and shaking her head at you.

"Shut up."

You waved them goodbye and meet you soon and made a run towards your house which was few blocks away from your own.

"If it wasn't for him being excited about the date an hour prior I wouldn't have even realized that we had a date today."

You talked with yourself as you hurriedly walked towards your house, sweating and breathing heavily.

"Gosh this is so tiresome." you cried out feeling more and more irritated. Now you even had to take a shower and get ready and meet him in just 45 minutes.

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"You are looking beautiful today."

You smiled at his compliment, muttering a soft thankyou as you walked side by side with him on the park.

You had a great time with him, he took you to arcade, then you guys went to eat sushi after that you had some dessert, watched a movie and then here you were, at the park.

"Today's weather is great."

You held your hand at your back, appreciating the soft wind blowing on your face and hair.

"It is." he mumbled suddenly getting nervous.

"Why? Is there something wrong?"

You asked laughing at his nervous self, shaking your head.

You wanted to spend sometime with your friends cause you didn't get to hangout with them much since the past week and now that you were here with Soonyoung enjoying the soft breeze, you kind of missed being with them doing crazy things.

You liked the peaceful atmosphere but you felt restricted, that you'll have to show your unseen side to someone you barely knew.

"Nothing just, I wanted to give you this."

You stopped in your track, turning towards him.

"A gift?"

"Yes."

He took a small box from his pocket, eyes glittering with excitement and hope but you didn't feel the same excitement, yes your stomach was churning but not because of happiness, you were dreading.

He took your hands in his gently as you stood there still looking at him in shock. He slipped the ring on your right hand.

"In the far future when we'll be ready, I'll give you a more beautiful and proper ring on your left hand. But for now this is all I can give, a promise ring."

You immediately took your hand back making him confused as you scanned your hand where a new piece of jewellery was adorned.

"Aren't we too young for this? I mean we don't even know each other much."

"But I see a great future ahead. Is it beautiful?"

You couldn't say anything he kept on cutting you off. You nodded your head as you scanned the ring, it was indeed beautiful.

"My sister helped me to choose it."

"Your sister knows about me?"

Your thoughts were running wild just like your heart, he told his sister about you and the ring too.

If you look from outside you could see that you gave zero fvcks about this relationship so since when did he get so ahead of himself?

"Soonyoung, don't you think this is too early? You have to think things through. We're still young."

You saw his face fell at that, he looked down at his feet and his hands found their way inside his jeans pocket.

"You didn't like it?"

"It's not about me not liking it. We don't even know much about each other to take such a huge commitment."

"Such a huge commitment? You're acting like you don't feel for me. Wait, you feel for me right?"

His hands were suddenly on your shoulders, his body pressed against your. You tried to pull away but his grip was tight, completely opposite of the delicate and solemn look on his face.

"Soonyoung-"

"You feel for me right? Isn't that the reason why you agreed with this relationship?"

His voice was hurried looking desperately for an answer in your eyes but all you did was ignore making an eyes contact with him.

"Soonyoung I think we should head home, both of our mind are mess and I don't want you or me to say something which will end into something both of us don't want."

You pushed him away from you slowly, taking in his form for one last time beside you turn your back on him hailing a taxi and leaving him behind in the middle of the park, tears flowing down his face.

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"Kihyun everything is fucked up, I was dating him casually and he's all serious for me, he told his sister about me and gave me a freaking promise ring. I'm still young to get committed and I don't even feel for him at all."

You were currently on a call with Kihyun, as soon as you reached your house you changed your clothes and had your dinner hurriedly before calling him.

You chose to tell him cause he was the one who had decided to bring Soonyoung into your life and he was a common ground between two of you.

"Tell him you don't want this. You will keep on leading him on. You do before it gets out of hand. I'll try my best to handle him."

"Kihyun, you know how I'm right? I really didn't want to hurt him but this is starting to suffocate me."

"I know you babe chill. It's just a relationship, it isn't supposed to be this stressful." he laughed trying to calm your nerves down since he knew you'll not be able to sleep at this rate.

"This isn't funny." you pouted even though he couldn't see you.

"Tell him now or tomorrow but do it as soon as you can."

You talked with him for few more minutes before hanging up the phone. You layed down on your bed cursing at yourself.

You had to do it otherwise it will get out of hand, it was going to hurt him and you only blamed yourself for it. The look on his face after rejection would have been much more preferable than his heartbroken one.

You got up, reaching for your mobile kept on the night stand.

You took a deep breath before opening up his inbox.

You : what are you doing..?

You : are you home yet?

You : I'm sorry about earlier but I want to talk with you...

Sent

You took a deep breath, waiting for his reply. You went inside your bathroom washing your face and doing everything else to avoid the nervousness building up inside you.

Soonyoung : I reached few minutes ago and had dinner. What do you wanna talk about?

Read

This was now or never, you encouraged yourself as you looked at your phone.

You : I think it will be great if we just break up, I dont think this is working anymore. I'm sorry...

Soonyoung : Is this because I gave you the ring? I'm sorry if you think it's too soon, I can wait. Seriously, believe me. But don't do this, don't leave me.

You : I'm sorry Soonyoung, I really don't feel anything for you, I thought the feelings would come after spending time with you but it didn't I'm really sorry, I can't do this. The ring was really beautiful but I felt really guilty I'm sorry. Please don't contact me from now on.

Soonyoung : So is this how it is?

Soonyoung : how could you?

Soonyoung : you seriously hurt me.

You : typing...

Blocked

You closed your eyes when your message couldn't get delivered, he fucking blocked you? You laughed at yourself, you were feeling awful about yourself but you prayed that he'll find someone who will treat him like he deserved, unlike you.

[roraruu]

anniversary: bones of rubber, heart of steel

can y’all believe this fic began one year ago today? i can’t, it feels like i was still fumbling through essays and reports and trying to get a skeleton down lol. i’ll ramble more below, but in case you missed it, here’s the ao3 link and pdf!

i still am super proud of it, although the pdf could have used some work in formatting and close editing but dude I’m one person making this so I’m cutting myself one big ass piece of slack cake! it’s also... sorta my baby in a weird way--pm is my og disaster child currently going through it’s hot topic/mcr phase but i love it. bones/heart was just easy to write, a pleasure to edit and fun to format. i wanna take a moment and talk about why i wrote bones/heart, some influences i had, music, etc. 

as i said in the author’s notes, i had a completely different vision for this fic—originally, faye was to be a hot-headed mage who was invited back to the castle for a ball and met tobin and new feelings blossomed but i really couldn’t get behind that for whatever reason. eventually i thought of one of my favourite tropes—differences becoming strengths. y’all know what I’m talking about right? like you have a mage with low def and pair them up with a knight who’s res is low, they sorta prop each other up? (yes im talkin abt fayelukas hhhh) anyways ya girl got run over by that trope bc hey... archers have limited mobility and pegasus knights get ko’d by arrows so yeah gimme that shit... and mage!faye would end up coming back in wildflowers but we’re not talkin abt me crying into a keyboard.

I wrote bones/heart because not only do i love the dynamics and pairing, i love the characters separately. i relate a lot to Tobin’s desire to be something and help his family, and Faye’s desire to be loved and help her friends and plus i was mad pissed about how they wrote her. i mean, i have a LOT of problems with a lot of the girls’ writing in echoes but i can overlook it because echoes is such a good game. anyways, my goal for this fic was not only to make faye a more relatable character, but show that she’s unfortunately thrown into a shit situation. like ingrid in 3h, I think she is a victim of bad writing, because she’s got the potential to grow as shown with her supports with silque, but she’s really... outta her element (plus she might be going through personal shit bc of being attacked at the beginning of the game? Yeah maybe that :/)

i wanna talk about the repeated phrase, “bones are made of rubber, but a heart is made of steel”, something that Faye’s nana says. i’m almost 100% certain that i didn’t coin this, my single brain cell was like “say something about not winning every battle!!!” if you’ve read any other fics of mine, u know i am a sucker for repetition—in peacemaker its repeating the phrase “promises are forever” (very cheesy), the forget me nots in SGSN and the repetition of faye seeing wildflowers and being called her pet name as a form of submission. anyways, this one was structured to not only prop faye up, but also tobin. these guys are fighting a literal war and will be hurt and broken time and time again, but a heart is incredibly strong, especially Faye’s. a bone can break, but you can heal it—if your heart is broken it takes much longer to heal. my headcanon is that Faye’s nana was always in her corner and would tell her the phrase when she wanted to be with her friends but had other duties, etc.

if you asked me a year ago which was my favourite scene, I would’ve said the barn scene in chapter 3(?), but now it’s faye and tobin sitting by the campfire in the first chapter because it’s just... tender and they’re trying to see each other on the same level, you know? I’ve always felt there’s this huge divide between faye and gray and tobin; maybe it’s because faye is optional or maybe its smth superficial like her being a girl (with better growths and classes, gold knight makes me so gay dude)

Oh yeah and if yall forgot i was walking home from school one day and looked down a hill and it was like muddy and gross and was like “oh no I hope i dont fall” and then fell like a dumbass and my immediate thought was “god faye I’m so sorry” lmfao. ANYWAYS TLDR: i wrote faye falling and fell on my back not even like a day later and instantly regretted my entire life.

anyways, happy birthday bones/heart! I’m still so so so proud of this fic and if you haven’t read it, maybe try giving it a shot? I know that pairing seems weird but it’s good kush, I haven’t gotten outta faybin hell for a solid year and a half! i hope y’all look forwards to the new plans i have for those dumb villagers..

[squidshadow]

ask meme answers

(posting in bulk, also makes this easier to tag on mobile. apologies if the read more cut doesnt work)

[[MORE]]

absol-ink asked: 📷 (12th image in your phone gallery)

anonymous asked: 💕 + 📱 (top 2 fav chars + home and/or lock screen)

my two fav chars are probably bakugou katsuki and touko fukawa, sorry if u were expecting splat!!

heres my lockscreen. it used to be my friends cat, but no longer

anonymous asked: 🔑📏☠🐷 (key to heart, my height, something that angers me, fav junk food)

i dont even know what "key to heart" might even entail. speaking literally, i think a knife would work

5'4", i forgot how much that is in cm

people offering me sympathy unprovoked, especially relating to my mental illness. dont pity me

pizza roll. he is snack.

[alittleagreste]

hey just another miraculous AU

JUST A PSA IM ON MOBILE AND IT WONT LET ME PUT A READ MORE??? I went all out I wrote like the entire plot of the movie Has a tangled AU been done??? Probably ??? Who cares ??? Okay so -“this is the story of how I died… OH DONT WORRY ITS A FUN STORY HAHA!! and it starts with a magic, golden flower” -Queen Momma Agreste gets hella sick and she’s gotta have this baby right, so King Gabriel sends for the ‘mythical’ golden flower -surprise surprise they find the flower, which completely enrages a forest wizard named Hawkmoth who has been using it for its intense power and the immortality it grants -Queen Momma Agreste drinks the flower tea and boom we have a baby prince, Adrien, with a full head of blonde locks and he’s just cute and all is good -of course Hawkmoth wants to join the fun so he kidnaps Adrien for the powers his hair possesses -so Hawkmoth and Adrien are living up in this tower in the woods now and Adrien learns to recite this poem to use his power (the song basically but spoken) -King Gabe and Queen Momma Agreste light off these little butterfly lanterns on his birthday and there’s just a swarm of glowing butterflies on his birthday and he knows its for him -also important Adrien befriends a little chameleon that he names Plagg ;) -So fast forward like nearly 17-ish years and cut to scene with Marinette, Chloé and Sabrina all pulling off a sick heist to steal the Crown of the Black Cat, which is basically Adrien’s crown he was supposed to get on his coronation day -(So if you haven’t caught it yet, Adrien is Rapunzel and Marinette is Flynn Ryder) -So basically Marinette’s nom de plume is Ladybug, its what she goes by on all her heists and what she’s wanted as -So anyway Her and Chlo and Sab all break into the castle and snatch the crown, they get chased by the guards, including the best guard Alya, and the best horse Tikki -Cue a joke by Mari with her wanted poster about how they “ just can’t get my ____ right” each time it’s a different thing -after this, ur girl Ladybug totally is selfish at this point in the story and takes the crown and leaves Chloé and Sabrina for the guards -Alya gets thrown off of Tikki but Tikki still chases after Marinette. Until Marinette finds a hidden lil cave, that’s more like a lil rock hallway that leads to a meadow with a fairly nice tower -So what should Marinette do?? Climb the tower of course! -Don’t worry Adrien doesn’t hit her with a frying pan, she literally eats shit when she walks in and knocks herself out. Clumsy Girl y’know. -Adrien is just like ???? Wt F wHo thE heCk just smacked their face on my floo- ITS A FEMALE WHAT PLAGG HELP WHAT DO I DO IVE NEVER SEEN A REAL LIVE GIRL ONLY IN THOSE BOOKS -Plagg is very obviously annoyed and is like “boi put her somewhere and show hawkmoth you can handle yourself (even though she knocked herself out)” -Adrien kinda catches on so he literally just pulls her to a closet and puts her in -her bag falls open as he’s moving her to an upright position and the black crystals of the crown catch his attention -basically an “ooh shiny!” moment,,And he takes it and looks in the mirror and tries to figure out what it is -he puts it on his arm and looks through it and then puts it on his head -and he’s like “woah I look like those princes from my book” “haha as if” -(LIKE BOI YOU ARE SHHSHDJS) -anyway so hawkmoth comes home from wherever the hell he went, town or whatever idk, and Adrien is like !! FATHER LOOK WHAT I DID!! -Hawkmoth does not care literally at all he’s like “Adrien please recite your poem for me it calms me” and Adrien rushes through it and HM is just like ??? bOI -Adrien tries to show him our girl Lady Luck -Hawkmoth will have None of That -“You can’t handle yourself, the world is dangerous” -He literally doesn’t listen to Adrien’s pleas to leave the tower at all either -“you are NOT like anyone else! You are my son!” (u thought) -so what does Adrien do?? Plan an escape plan, and sends HM on a mission that will take like 3 days or smth -Adrien has long hair btw I forgot to mention just not nearly as long as rapunzel’s was -His is more like maybe brushing the floor -and hawk moth climbs a rope ladder or smth to get in there’s plot holes leave me be -ANYwaY after hawkmoth leaves, he tapes Mari to a chair or ties her or something -and Plagg wakes her up by sticking Camembert in her mouth -and she’s like !!! WHAt the HEck Ew -after she wakes up Adrien is like “what you want why you here please don’t kill me” -When he steps into the light and she sees him she’s literally rendered speechless like she can’t form words bc he is actually so beautiful -“h-hi-I mean hello- I mean-uh-why are you in this-uh-tower, who are you???” -Adrien doesn’t trust her at all bc the wanted poster in her bag and the crown literally screams criminal -he’s desperate though so he’s like “alright listen up, whoever you are, something brought you to me. Call it fate, destiny-” “A horse” “Im not finished… you were brought to me today for a reason, and that’s to help me. You’re going to be my guide” -Marinette is like “awh man I wish I could but see I have to get this cro-OH NO, WHERE IS MY BAG?” -Adrien holds it up like ;) and she’s just so done -“If you take me to see the lights tomorrow, I will return it to you, if you refuse, I’ll turn you in.” -“wait the stupid butterfly lanterns they light off for the lost prince?” -Adrien is totally in awe that they’re not some weird star thing, they’re butterflies -she shakes her head and knows she can’t really refuse so she plans it out in her head on how she can cheat the system -Adrien’s already covered that in his head though she can’t get away with anytHing -(except maybe making him fall in love with her ;)))) -So she agrees and she’s like “The names Ladybug” -he’s kinda like ¿ strange name but Okay!! “My name is Adrien!” -ANYWAy they leave the tower and Adrien is like 👀👀 this is no bueno I should not be doing this but omg I’ve never felt so FREE!!! -he has a blast omg that boy goes running through the woods and he’s laughing and he’s like “FATHER WOULD BE SO ANGRY BUT I DONT CARE” -meanwhile hawkmoth sees Tikki in the woods and has an “oh SHIT Adrien” moment -Runs back home, there’s nothing and no one there, aside from Mari’s wanted poster that fell out of the bag -meanwhile with the Lovebirds™ -He and Mari end up at this pub with some Angry men, including the bar owner Nino, and Adrien ends up singing about his dreams and everyone has fun -the scene that stemmed this idea happens with Mari singing about how her dream involves her being rich on an island -and surprise surprise Hawkmoth finds them but so do the guards and they escape through a tunnel under the pub that Nino shows them, and it leads out into the dry side of a dam -Intense Battle Scene™ -Mari is a badass but then Adrien totally comes out of nowhere like “I came here to attack and I’m honestly having a good time” -They get trapped in a cave that’s filling with water post battle bc they broke shit -they’re literally lowkey going to die and Adrien is like “I’m so sorry I got you into this mess. We’re going to die here and I’m so sorry Ladybug” -and she just softly says “Marinette” -Adrien is like “????? what” -and Marinette starts crying and she’s like -“my name isn’t Ladybug if you couldn’t tell. It’s Marinette. I called myself Ladybug because I always wanted to be like a superhero. I never was one though. All I am is an orphan with a permanent record.” -and here we have Adrien “Actual Adoration” Agreste because if we wasn’t in love with her before, he is most certainly in love with her now -and then he remembers!! -HIS HAIR GLOWS WHEN HE SAYS THE POEM THEY CAN LOOK UNDERWATER -so he’s like “marinette please go with the flow” and he recites the poem in his head and his hair just illuminates -she’s like “WHAT THE FUCJTN” -but she’s not ready for death so they dig rocks out and they end up dropping into a river -they come up on the bank gasping like “oh fuck dude” -“MARINETTE WE’RE ALIVE!!!” -“his hair glows? His hair glows! Plagg why does his hair glow???” -“Marinette?” “this is surreal. I’m dead we died” “Marinette” “what the hell is going on” “MARINETTE!” “What!” -he’s standing there dripping water and extending his hand to her -and she’s like “oh no” because he looks so hot standing there dripping water and she maybe has the tiniest crush on him -oh who am I kidding the sun rays behind him and his radiant smile sends her head over heels into complete love for this ray of light -so he pulls Marinette out of the river and they go find a lil clearing and they make a campfire -and Adrien looks at Marinette and frowns -and she’s like “What what what’s wrong is something wrong with me??” -and he just laughs a bit, “no no you just have a cut on your knee” -she looks down at her knee and winces at the long, deep cut and just shrugs it off because it’ll heal eventually -Adrien trusts Marinette to the point now that he can show her the reason he’s hidden away -“don’t freak out okay” -he holds a lock of hair in his hands and presses it to her cut and recites the poem -and Marinette is like ¿ wth boI -and once he’s done he just grins and he’s like “good as new” -Mari is confused as hell and when he moves his hand away and the cuts not there she literally opens her mouth to shriek -and Adrien is like “PLEASE DONT FREAK OUT IM SORRY” -and she’s like “hahahaha why would I freak out I’m just curious whydoesyourhairglowandwhydoesithavemagicalhealingpowershowlonghasitdonethat?” -and Adrien is sheepishly just like “forever I guess,,, that’s why I was hidden away, because people want my hair for its power.” -He moves some hair to the side to show a pale blonde lock of hair cut off at the nape of his neck and explains that if it’s cut it turns pale and loses its power -Marinette is like really shook but she pushes it down and suggests they sleep so they can be ready for the butterfly lights tomorrow -cut to scene of Hawkmoth pissed as hell in the woods as he fades into the shadows -he’s now talking to Chloé and Sabrina and making a Plan -so next day Adrien wakes up to Marinette screaming and is very confused to see her literally trying to fight a horse -like she literally almost has Tikki in a headlock and Tikki has a hoof pushing on her shoulder and shit -Adrien has never been more confused but he goes and breaks it up and he’s like “hey there girly what’s your name” and he looks at her name thing and he’s like “Tikki!! That’s a nice name!” -And Tikki whines or something and Mari chuckles or something and Tikki is back at it with trying to capture her -But Adrien hits her with these kitten eyes and is like “I realllyyyyyyy need her to take me to the kingdom so I can see the butterflies, please let me have that, then you can fight her until you can’t stand!” -Marinette is so very thankful for that one -so they head to the Kingdom, now with Tikki coming along with them -They’re having a blast and when they get to the kingdom they have all sorts of fun -Adrien shows Marinette some of the books he has at home and she shows him the books that inspired Ladybug -they get food from the market -and Adrien keeps seeing images of this baby boy with bright green eyes and golden locks and theres something familiar about everything -and then, oh boy and then, someone starts playing music and Adrien is like !! “mari come dance with me” -and she’s like “nah I’m okay you go” -and he starts dancing and soon a ton of people have joined in and Adrien comes around the circle and grabs Marinette -and they dance around with people and they’re desperately hoping it works out so they can dance together -surprise!!! They do but they join hands as the song ends and they’re like “awh damn” -so after that ends Marinette and Adrien are both blushing and she points out that it’s almost sundown and they have somewhere to go -they go out into the middle of the lake in a lil boat and Adrien is so so so excited and so is Mari bc Adrien is so happy -the sun goes down and Adrien looks at Marinette completely giddy like !! :DD -and she just smiles so wide back at him because holy fuck she’s never felt so in love in her whole life -Adrien is flicking the surface of the water and watching the waves when he sees the first light -suddenly literally thousands of butterfly lanterns are floating all around them and Adrien is just in complete awe -Marinette clears her throat and he turns to look at her and she has two lanterns in her hand -and Adrien smiles and turn behind him and grabs the bag with the crown and he’s like “I should’ve given this to you sooner, but I was scared… I’m not scared anymore. You know what I mean?” -and she just pushes it down, “I’m starting to” -AND AT LAST I SEE THE LIGHT -And they’re literally a centimeter away from locking lips when Marinette can see Chloé on the beach -and she decides right then to give Chloé the crown and go wherever with Adrien -Adrien of course thinks at first that she’s betraying his trust but doesn’t believe that because he loves her okay? -Cue Adrien getting worried and going to look for her -Hawkmoth fighting Chloé or something and she passes out and he sees Adrien -and he’s like “I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD IM SO HAPPY YOU’RE OKAY” (he says as he takes handfuls of his hair) -Adrien is like “yea okay but Marinette” -And hawkmoth, fricken rat, points to the boat heading toward the kingdom -and he’s like “I think she’s got something better to do” -Adrien is broke af how could this happen how could they love each other so much and just have her break the trust so easily -he’s just kinda done with it so he’s accepted it and goes back to the tower with HM -Meanwhile Marinette wakes up from getting knocked tf out and Tikki is whining super loud bc Marinette is in danger and she can tell -some guards are drawn bc of the whines and Mari has the crown tied to her hand and she’s like “shit” -they throw her in jail and she’s gonna be hung then next morning -Tikki is on a mission and she books it to Nino’s pub -back in the tower Hawkmoth has finished lecturing Adrien and leave him to himself -Adrien takes out the little kingdom flag he got and looks at it -and suddenly he starts to see the symbol everywhere -it’s hidden in all his paintings around his room -and suddenly now he knows -that baby boy is Him -he leaves his room determined to get somewhere -Hawkmoth is like ?? “What’s wrong Adrien?” -“I’m the lost Prince” -“what?” -“I’m the lost Prince! Aren’t I father? Or should I even call you that?” -oh hawkmoth is Pissed -Adrien tries to leave to go find Marinette and Hawkmoth is like “she’s going to be dead when you get there, she’s due to hang for her crimes” -and Adrien is screwed and he can’t do anything so he surrenders -back at the castle -Nino and his bar mates have arrived and they’re kicking ass for Marinette -And she ends up on Tikki’s back and is like all sappy like “thank you for saving me it means a lot really” -Tikki doesn’t care she just needs to get Mari to Adrien like now -so sick montage of tikki running to the tower -and Marinette scales the tower -and she’s in! And there’s Adrien! Chained to the wall with tape on his mouth? -and suddenly Marinette has a sharp pain in her side where Hawkmoth totally just stabbed her -she slams into a mirror and breaks it and just kinda slumps against the wall with all the shards -Adrien is flipping shit,,, he’s taking on the chains and screaming into the tape and he’s crying and she’s crying and hawkmoth is just standing over her like -“poor little thief got what was coming to her” -Hawmoth goes to grab Adrien and take him to a new area, where no one could find them -but Adrien fights him so hard -he’s yanking back and kicking -and Hawkmoth yells “STOP FIGHTING” -Adrien gets the tape off enough so he can speak -“I WILL NEVER STOP FIGHTING YOU, I WILL FIGHT UNTIL THE DAY I DIE” -he glances at Mari and she’s staring at him with tears in her eyes, clenching her side -“unless…unless you let me heal her. If you just let me heal her I will go wherever with you, no fighting” -Hawkmoth doesn’t want to deal with his crap so he’s like “whatever” -he chains Marinette to the staircase banister, “in case you get any ideas” he says -Adrien runs over to her and he’s brushing her hair back from her face and he’s crying and she’s crying -and he presses some hair and his hands to her wound and he’s like “shhhh shhhh it’s okay you’ll be okay we’ll be okay” -and she’s crying so much and she’s like “no you won’t be you can’t just go be a slave to him” -and it’s in slow motion when she grabs his hair and swings a jagged piece of the mirror up and slices it at the base of his neck -Hawkmoth is y e l l i n g because there goes all the power he was able to have -Adrien is completely shocked, he doesn’t really understand what the hell just happened -all he can see is Hawkmoth drastically aging into a very very old man and stumbling until Plagg trips him and sends him falling out of the window -it takes him a whole second to realize Marinette is still in his arms, dying with no way for him to save her -“no no no Marinette stay with me, please please you can’t go” -she just weakly smiles at him and she’s like “I never got to tell you” -and she winces and tries to sit up more to reach for him -“you were my new dream” -“you were mine” -cue gross ugly sobs from me because Marinette slowly slips away -Adrien cries out in complete anguish and just holds her limp body, crying because he loved her so much oh my god -his tears fall on her face and he’s too broken to notice the golden rays coming off of her until they completely consume the room -and Adrien is so confused,,, why are all these golden rays surrounding Marinette -and she shifts in his arms and he’s like !!!!!! -he looks down at her and her eyes open and she’s like -“have I ever told you I’ve got a thing for green eyes” -Adrien barely has time to laugh before they’re slamming their lips together, crying and just so so so happy that they’re okay -they leave the tower and go back to the kingdom, because Adrien knows now that he is the lost Prince -also Marinette sort of needs to make amends with the kingdom bc she’s in love with Adrien dammit and she’s not gonna lose him -Adrien sees Momma Agreste and Gabriel -and everyone is So Happy!!! And they’re hugging!!! -And Marinette is just standing off to the side content that he’s with his family -and then momma yanks her into the hug circle -and then there’s a mini fast forward and Look at That!!! We’re at a celebration !!! -and we have some Cute ass scenes of Prince Adrien talking to the citizens of the kingdom -and Mari snatches his crown off his head -and he just rolls his eyes and they kiss -and the camera slowly pans up onto an announcement -For a royal wedding

AHHHHH THIS TOOK ME THREE DAYS TO WRITE ITS SO LONG I AM SO SORRY I LITERALLY WROTE OUT THE ENTIRE MOVIE

[ange1kth]

1-5, 7-19, 21, 23, 26, 28-32, 34-43, 45, 48-53, 56, 60(u better nOT YOUNG LADY), 63, 71, 75-77, 87-95

lol sorry this took so long to answer alpha bean

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?closet doors closed cuz i have a small room

(2) Do You Have Freckles?yus but only rlly smol ones on my nose

(3) Can You Whistle?lol no probs never will

(4) Last Song You Listened To.listenin to on melancholy hill by gorillaz rn

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?rlly rlly light pastel pink

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?77 degrees (fahrenheit)

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?nooo, i woke up sad

(9) How Many Followers?36 (thx all u peoples who followed me even tho I’m not popular)!!

(10) Zodiac Sign.gemini!! im a ram if ur talking chinese zodiac!!

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?hazel unlike anybody in ma family

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily? noooo lol what’s health??

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower? ya when im listening to some good bops

(14) What Books Are You Reading?i just finished the color purple and something bout suffragettes, now im on a percy jackson one

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.specific, here it is!! “‘But you did doooo it,’ the spirit growled.” - The Trials of Apollo

(16) Favourite Anime?yuri on ice im ur classic gay, hxh tho too i cant decide

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of? mmmmm, probs my older sister (last time i cried tho was this morning lmao)

(18) Do You Collect Anything?nah, i have a few old timey cameras but that’s about it

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?a sandwich lol, just with some lettuce and tomato on it

(21) Favourite Animal?pupper cuz im basic as heck

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?like 11 now my schedule’s messed up

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?probs my sister’s @kohoa even tho i don’t go through it often lol

(28) What Makes You Happy?ma dad, ma sisters, rabbits, video games, puppers, reading sometimes, etc etc

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.she would but she’s on mobile rn •-•

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music? what’s studying lmao, probs with music anyways

(31) Dogs or Cats?i did say dogs are ma favorite animal but tbh depends on ma mood, dogs when im happy, cats when im sad and i need a pet to cuddle

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be? i think a light green?? or grey lol im boring and sad

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean? ocean, i live right next to a lake in michigan, ocean 100%

(35) Do You Believe In Magic? i want toooo, but there’s no proof of it in ma sad life so far, so nah

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?not wearing a shirt, a dress, guess you dont get to know!! :3

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue? NO U ARE WEIRD IF U CAN

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It? save it for a bit, then spend it on something stupid like pizza

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You? my teeshirt that I have to wear to Chicago tomorrow for end of the year field trip, ma socks and ma purse in ma closet

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now? don’t think so, if anything video games cuz she is a nerd

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly? i don’t think so???

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People? ya ya ya

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams? not any i remember!!

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry. hope, it’s the worst and best movie I’ve ever watched it’s on netflix if ur feelin sad, (might not want to tho if u have triggers about sexual and/or child abuse)

(48) Are You A Picky Eater? sometimes??? idk

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper? yea when im sleepin in a comfy place

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning? noooo

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?reading yea, writing when it’s not for an assignment

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud? if it’s music that’s better listened to loud!!

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents? idk, wrap presents since i always cut myself when i carve??? i like both tho tbh

(56) What Are You Craving Right Now? egg rOllS

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?heh heh, exams studying all that jazz

(63) Favourite Pokemon?leafeon probs?? i havent played pokémon in forever

(71) Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters? uhhh, idk that one cute kids movie bout the bull

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set? yea, and nah

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate? a sandwich at lunch lol

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?choices which is one of those choose ur own story things cuz i like my gf in it, she’s cute, and a magikarp thing cuz my sister thinks it’s good, i haven’t played it at all rlly

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?night??? and day????

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.everything in question 77, overwatch, the last of us, fallout 4, rise of the tomb raider, until dawn, minecraft (what a nerd), just dance, the last guardian, uncharted 4, life is strange, idk if there’s others I forgot

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.ooo a while ago when I was rlly smol is the last time I remember having a dream!! k so if ur my age u should remember the kids show yo gabba gabba, and I freakin hated that it was so spooky to my smol 8 yr old mind. so, I had a nightmare I lived in a town and went to see the orange one, and then I somehow accidentally stabbed him with a needle??? and purple juice exploded from him flooding the whole town and i cried after I killed everyone!! what a dream lmao

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?pepsi or coka cola idk

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?waves at the beach, soft wind, other stuff too but i dont remember

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?sweats what are jEAns??

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?the same way i looked when i got home from school?? ma hair’s pulled up, glasses on, pretty basic stuff

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.BEING AWAY FROM MY MOTHER LMAO

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?probably just two small female signs crossed together on my wrist cuz im gay as heck

this was fun, feel free to send me some others that I didn’t already answer!!

[partiallystar]

rambles+planning under the cut mobile users just scroll fast im Super Verbose Sorry

i feel better rn than i have in a solid couple of days i. really am better when i'm Not In That House, Huh!

but i think that i made me better too and i deserve some credit for picking myself up and metaphorically smacking myself across the face until some bad thoughts fell off

its probably a little sad how excited i get over Good Food and having enough of it (let alone an excess! i forgot i had cheesy bagels, holy shit! and even a few cookies!) but i feel good working for a paycheck and working for my food. plus its way better food than the dining room tbh and i love the dining room i rly do but their soup? Inferior. also vastly limited

on this note i left my phone charger at the panera bread which Does Suck A Little but hopefully 1. its still there tomorrow and 2. ricky already knows the one with the heart is mine so 3. let's get down to what i need to do tomorrow

its nice and early and peya's not here so i'm within full rights to read some more winnie the pooh before bed (keep in mind the role of Honey and how the stories are sorted and why they are as such, im thinking of sorting mine based on the role of christopher robin??) and then hopefully asleep around midnight, awake by 8 or more realistically 9 bc i know myself and i know i roll out of bed easier on 9 hours of sleep than on 8 but we'll see

and 1. ill make my bed and put my laundry away 2. pack my backpack (ill need my 162 book and the red badge of courage, i should also remember to give that a good schmoop or wikinotes or sth before i head im, and double check if theres an haal reading to knock out, alsp don't forget to pack lunch (sandwich / scone / tea bag / chips) 3. eat breakfast (yogurt+fruit) 4. head into panera to check for/pick up my charger (if not ill need to buy a whole new cord which'll fucking suck bc theres not a 5 below around here but i can check marshalls ?? i still have my pink wall plug and ive been doing fine w/ a 3 foot charger so that'll make things cheaper too) 5. go to class - 11am-12:20

6. leave class, eat lunch. break till 1. text abi to see if she still wants to go out!!...shopping w/ others for clothes isn't inherently bad. shes not gonna be mad or yell. oh 7. make sure to either take measurements in morning or fuckin. just bring the tape measure w/ u when u leave

8. i need jeans (at least two pairs, rn im alternating with no time for washes), socks tall enough to wear with docs (preferably just some plain cheap ones but if i cant settle on any i can splrge on 2 pairs w/ pattern), and. just shirts. i just fuckin need some shirts. its gonna be expensive but that's okay, that's okay, that's why i'm working. and clothes aren't an indulgence, i'm not outing for a suit and vest. i deserve to have more than four outfits i like and ive had most of the clothes in my dresser for years anyways. i deserve to have a wardrobe full of things im excited to put on, things that don't itch with guilt or fit wrong and hopefully it'll make bad mornings easier too??? im excited to one day flush through and have only clothes ive purchased myself. thatll feel good and this is one step closer!!! ANYWAYS

jeans socks shirts if i see any and tums from cvs or something. i think i bought ibuprofen already?? i definitely did i just dont recall where i put it whoops but ill find that when i need it

worst comes to worst i should just spring for some plain white tees tbh or maybe not White but u kno

after that!! hometime for bartol and family dinner, at some point i should do the reading for women writers as leaders and caroline and i gotta glance at the questions for the solo presentations tomorrow, i gotta make sure i dont have any surprise spanish homework but i banged out the essay this morning (and i'm really proud of myself for that!! and i'm hoping that it's good enough for max and he sees the effort i put in because i really did it took me four hours but it didn't feel like four hours bc i was sitting and talking with abi and kezia and that felt nice... actually you know what. while we're on this aside i'm thinking abt six whole hours spent working on one spanish essay that time in the library with abi and it felt like pulling teeth and i was really frustrated and SCRAPING for 400 words but. i wrote 423 this time easy, and i didn't have long stretches staring blankly, i was working pretty continuously for me and i'm proud of myself!!! and i think i did really well!! and i'm allowed to be proud of myself and i'm allowed to do well and i'm allowed to be imperfect, and that doesn't mean i'm not still good. it feels really good to have that tangible improvement. )

and then bed!! and then bed. and that will be nicest of all. and now bed too!!

[sh4in]

ask an autistic: 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29 (prime numbers)

N I C E

per usual, longer than i intend/behind cut/sorry mobile users

Did you discover that you are autistic early or later in life? How do you think it affected you?

much later, at 17, and it really makes me insecure about my diagnosis. it made me understand so many of my behaviors as a kid, but also the outright abuse i experienced expecting to be neurotypical. i dont think i got the help i needed early enough and my traits got significantly more intense later in life alongside increasing anxiety/depression

2: Which terms and words do you prefer when talking about autism?

ive never really been too picky about this but i prefer saying im autistic and the general consensus is that too, because my autism is me

3: Do you advocate for yourself and other autistic people?

i rarely do because it just brings on so much anxiety, but ive been more comfortable telling people im autistic, it’s just really hard to allow myself accommodations. i try to speak up when people are being ableist. 

5: Do you have any autistic family members or autistic friends in real life?

i have an autistic cousin who is a few months younger than me but he’s a child molester and abuses his mom so fuck him

and i know 1 autistic person irl and i wouldn’t say we’re friends but we’re not on bad terms by any means. i find it difficult to be friends with other autistics because we all have have such an arrhythmic personalities and we clash too much in interests and intensity, but that’s just me, lots of people have autistic friends. i also seem to never have the same special interests as other people and when i do i just get jealous because they know more than me lol

7: Which autistic trait gives you the most problems?

god i dont even know, i hate my auditory processing i can never hear people and get anxious being at restaurants

oh i think it’s the fact i can’t be outside for long periods of time without my throat feeling like it’s closing up and there’s no consistency in the length of time or how much im stimulated

also the fact i ruin everyone’s fun with an explanation of something they don’t understand and think is funny

11: What, in you opinion, is the most ridiculous social protocol rule?

not at first glance a social protocol but fckn hygiene im so bad at it and it’s so hard to do like i struggle to remember to wash my hands after the bathroom and to brush my teeth and i just wish people wouldn’t get so mad at me or uncomfortable when i can’t remember to care for myself

13: What is/are your current special interest(s)?

im kind of at a loss at the moment w/ special interests because i never have time to indulge in them but i think sound is the most prevalent at the moment

vocal pedagogy has been permeating my life for awhile, im guessing that’s going to intensify when i take vocal rep and assistant music direct this semester

its been hard to get over video game sound design and to move on from the last show i did, but i am slowly

17: Which characters do you headcanon as autistic and why?

i dont really headcannon things but if i had to, hank hill

19: What, in your opinion, is the most ridiculous autism myth or stereotype?

i really feel weird about this question because i am very stereotypically autistic in a lot of ways and people will say a stereotype i have is ridiculous. but at the same time people stereotype us in really harmful ways, i wish people didn’t hyper-masculinize autism 

23: Do you think autism influences your identity, like your gender, sexuality, religious and political views or personality?

i forgot i reblogged these asks before, here is a link to this question because it’s really long

29: Are you a get along with kids autistic or slightly afraid of kids autistic?

i am definitely a slightly afraid of kids autistic. as much as i want kids i am so uncomfortable around them mostly because i have no idea how to read what the want/need. when i was younger i was so frustrated because i didn’t understand why they couldn’t just tell me what they wanted and that still kind of permeates my thought processes. it’s hard because i want children so bad but i am so scared my empathy, theory of the mind, and executive functioning will never reach a place for kids

thanks for the asks friend, especially ones so groups so pleasingly

[doublesaber]

 fuck-long post, sorry if youre on mobile feel free to scroll through the entire thing

i am really surprised there arent more people tearing apart how well rey held herself together during the praetorian guard fight. like ive been making excuses for how she held off kylo in tfa (cause he had an abdominal wound and finn sliced his arm? i think? + force bullshit) but this really made me go ????? am i missing something how is she taking on these guys. broke the suspension of disbelief for me AND on that note i dont get why people are tearing into leia’s... journey back into the raddus so viciously. yeah it was undoubtedly cheesy but in a heartwarming way. im probably biased since ive been dying to see her actually use the force. also bb8 operating the atst. was. a bit too much too handle. and dj ex machina lmao. this post is getting long so i might as well continue.

poe’s characterisation has already been picked apart better than i can especially as i havent read the comics. he felt like a parody of himself :( and his story centred around miscommunication as a plot device so i was seething. all i really have of note to say about holdo is that her last sequence was astounding imo. paiges scene made me start crying 10 min into the movie and from there on i was just on-and-off the entire film. i loved seeing finn onscreen but all the unnecessary violence towards him was just horrendous and i really hope we get to see hux die painfully in ep9 cause they have devoted way too many seconds to finn getting hurt. once again other people have written about that better than i can esp since im white so i’ll leave it at that. i wasnt bored with his plotline at all, but he undeniably did not get much room to breathe as a character oh and his fight w phasma was a little disappointing due to its brevity. i just remembered an old leak from a reliable source that said he cut her arm off and im upset they got that wrong because that wouldve been so gloriously horrific since his baton wasnt even a sharp-edged weapon. in retrospect maybe that wouldve been too gorey for the pg 13 rating. ‘rebel scum’ was so satisfying though. 

rose is a verified chairman of antifa. all her speeches on canto bight were so heavy handed it was funny but i didnt really mind. as i decided wrt rey... being like that... im gonna pretend she didnt stun finn since it adds nothing aside from making her seem like an ass and the story’s better off without it. seems super unpopular but i dont have that much of an issue w lukes characterisation. when kylo showed rey the vision i was waiting for luke to amend it and show his side of the story and he did! and i dont think that single moment of doubt is the character assassination everyone thinks it to be buuuuuut thats subjective so its really up to the individual. i didnt feel like it was meant to incite sympathy for kylo as much as it was meant to show the toll on luke. i was more bothered by how brusque he was w rey since that’s day-to-day luke. ‘see you around kid’ was another thing i dont understand the hatred of. it’s overbearing uncle luke cheekily promising to force haunt kylo’s ass to the ends of the earth and i love how it tied into emphasising that kylo will never successfully kill the past. but lukes death def seemed to just be there for shock value and its ultimately pointless cause you know he’s gonna be back as a force ghost in 9. 

im so grateful they took kylo in the direction they did cause you know from here on out he’s dying! whether it be due to a schism in the fo, his own hand or someone from the resistance he’s not making it out of the trilogy. 'kylo doubles down on immersing himself in the dark’ was what id always wanted so yeah im good w that.

yodas appearance made me smile but id have rather seen obi-wan because ‘there’s nothing in that tree that rey doesn’t already possess’ or whatever he said to luke referring to the fact that rey actually ransacked the tree and took the books with her is the greatest ‘true from a certain point of view’ obiwan-ism EVER. i didnt even pick up on that until i read it later. 

i just realised i forgot to do a section on rey which sums up that i walked out of there feeling exactly nothing new about rey other than being annoyed at her engaging w kylo like that. and that doesnt really count. 

theres also a whole bunch of plot holes and loose threads that dont get explored  but im sure theyll make a bunch of spin off books to explore those to death and rake in more cash. actually none of those annoy me as much as rey taking on the guards does :/ rian was very fond of not following through with scenes and leaving it up to the audiences imagination (eg luke learning of han’s death offscreen). in case anyone reading this post hasnt noticed i generally care way more about how characters are handled rather than coherent plots so im not gonna nitpick too much. there were definite issue with abrupt shifts in tone but thats the least of this film’s worries. so overall many nice little moments but tlj definitely creates a bunch of questions (i dont envy jj abrams trying to figure out how to bring together a new alliance and defeat the fo in a two hour film) and answers too few (we still dont even know kylos motivation for originally turning aside from ‘snokes influence’ but im willing to concede that ‘sheer pride’ is good enough a motivator for this film), neglects or mischaracterises characters of colour and who was it that said luke and rey are the heart of this movie because that was blatantly untrue i really thought their relationship would be cute :/. im just holding out for a good finn arc in ep 9 at this point all the other minutiae can be filled in later through tie-in novels just give john boyega a chance to shine onscreen. also a gay romance would go a long way to cover up what potential bullshit abrams has to offer. what the fuck did john mean when he said this film def reveals the direction theyre taking finnpoe. im at a loss