#sorry i did a horrors again
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19/sea change for prompt meme?
19. Sea change (totally read this as sea of change because i couldnt think of a single thing to match this prompt lol sorry)
The first lesson Nicholas is taught is loneliness.
At 8 years old he's long since learnt that he lacks the cherubic qualities required to be granted adoption by a rich, childless couple. He looks poor and desolate, sure, but not in the way that makes adults want to swoop him up into a blanket and coo over his poor fate. He wears the kind of thousand yard stare that makes them avert their eyes in discomfort, that reminds them of the casualties of poverty in the entirely wrong way.
Still, he has Livio trailing after his steps like a lost puppy. Together they learn how to live like weeds growing in the cracks of pavement, how to be alone together. It's a lesson to be learnt, for sure, how to keep the lights on in the dark.
The second lesson he learns is shame.
Mask clad adults, clapping and telling him welcome child, to the path of God. They pat him on his back and ruffle his hair, all gloved impersonal hands.
The Eye of Michael teach him how to chant the psalms, how to recount his sins and that salvation lies in abandonment of your body and acquiescence of pain. He's taught the vital points of the body and how to gouge knives in the hearts of men, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned. His body grows and grows into a holy weapon, and he learns how to kill a man without flinching. This is a terrible lesson.
The third lesson is pain.
Nicholas has known pain before, like a distant uncle. Now pain is his mother and father, his creation and Eucharist. Once he'd proven his body a worthy tool before Chapel and the acolytes, they take him apart into his base components and Unmake him into something inhuman. Terrible liquids seep into his body through needles and plastic tubes, for this is the Blood of the Covenant and through it thou shalt be made Holy. His flesh is carved and replaced, for Holy is the body of Christ and through it thou shalt be made perfect and free from Sin.
When he is lucky, they sedate him and the world becomes a technicolor kaleidoscope of visions to keep his thoughts occupied. He doesn't know if it's on purpose or just an accidental side effect of whatever chemicals they put in him but he takes it gratefully, thankful for just a moment to breathe throughout the nightmare of hurt.
He never learns what exactly they did to him, but when he's finally released from that terrible white room, he looks in the mirror and finds something other staring back. It takes years for him to recognize it as his face.
The fourth lesson is in efficiency.
Whatever it was they took out of him left an empty hole in his mind. Wherever regret or empathy used to be, only survival remains. Survival means to submit to the hand that's fed him, to take whatever chances given for a paycheck and the lives of the orphanage secured. He doesn't remember the faces of the people he kills, nor their pleas for mercy. He's a cold outer shell in the shape of a man, and so he becomes the employee of the month, of the year, of the decade.
The twist of a tendon, the flick of a wrist to sever flesh from bone, even the stab of a knitting needle through the head to save him the hassle of cleanup. These are the ways he earns a living, and he's damn good at his job. He steels himself against terror and lets the fear of fire and brimstone flow around him and through him like the hull of a sandsteamer, no worse for wear after he's crossed the sands of a thousand bodies piled underneath his feet. He becomes what he's been made to be, finds meaning in his function and keeps the lights on for the children at home. He's efficient, he's good at his job and that's all that counts.
His fifth and final lesson hits him with a truck. He walks in a daze, only half put upon to garner sympathy, and when he lies there bloody and disheveled hope walks out the side door of the car.
It is the most terrible lesson of all, the way the man calls him by name and looks through him like there is any softness in his body worth that blinding smile. Hope tells him that he's something worth salvation, wearing impossible blue eyes and the face of his brother. Nothing Wolfwood has ever been taught prepares him for this unwavering belief in goodness, the warm caress of a mismatched hands against his cheeks, the way he utters his name like it's something precious.
Hope finds him late at night, in soft touches and a hushed voice. Hope foolishly makes him stay in the morning when sunlight paints the white sheets wrapped around a body incandescent and flaxen hair golden. Hope puts his lips against lips, hands against hands, in desperate prayer to keep this one soft thing safe. Hope lights a fire against his will, forces his to look at his life with kinder eyes and wish for another day to come, and Wolfwood has asked for exactly none of it.
Hope laughs at his jokes and whines at his teasing and holds him trembling at night. If he was half the weapon he was made, he would cast it off and escape into the wasteland. It turns out the hands that fed him did a piss poor job of it, because he stays and stays and stays.
It is hope that has him rage at the dying of the light, knees bent in penance against the cold stone floor of the church. Blood splatters against it in a fearful rhythm, body contorted to support himself against the heavy weight of the cross. Still he rages, still he hopes, still he curses the God that made his fate. That he would learn his final lesson, as he lay here dying, must be some terrible cosmic joke from an uncaring creator.
As Wolfwood stills, he takes hope with him. It's the cruelest lesson of all.
#tw body horror#tw medical trauma#tw character death#trigun#nicholas d wolfwood#whoops this got long#frog learn how to do ask prompt meme properly challenge#trigun fic#vashwood#kinda#fic tag#sorry i did a horrors again
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Horrifying being beyond my comprehension just saying “no???” Is absolutely hilarious
IM GLAD YALL FOUND IT FUNNY TOO, cause drawing this killed me 💀
#ask reply#sorry for everyone I’m currently jumpscaring by posting this#ITS REALLY funny when horrors beyond comprehension act real normal#just truly confused the guy#I GOTTA draw more horror again too!#know I did it silly here but drawing these types of things is so fun
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this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail
sorry got in character for a second
Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though
congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)
#im still not far into nemesis personally but im very much enjoying it#honestly in a weird way it feels like it's moving faster than HD did. which. is funny bc nemesis is like The gated behind item grinds quest#idk. HD was a fun slowburn where we adventured around gathering our rogues gallery before the action kicked in#nemesis on the other hand feels like im picking up halfway through a batman serial#fallen london#ask#it's WAY more fucked up right off the bat than HD was. honestly ive thought abt red honey for ages. that's so fucked up#and we LEAD with that?? Okay#definitely a horrors-filled ambition befitting caeru (the guy who's constantly going through horrors)#it really encourages you to get fucked up and freaky and in ur character's headspace at basically every step along the way#i only have HD to compare it too but HD was like. a lot more interpretative in comparison? at least to me. that's what it felt like#and i adore HD for that dont get me wrong here#HD just also waited until like. halfway through before it asked what the scoundrel actually Wanted out of its heart's desire#nemesis in comparison is right off the bat who died? who are you mourning? anguish. justice. there must be vengeance.#it's a delightfully different vibe!! i like it!!!#oh god sorry anon im doing the classic yin talking way too much in the tags thing again#i havent had much excuse to talk abt nemesis and what i think of it so far and of course its rp effects on caeru#but i do have a handful of thoughts on it#it's good. im liking it so far. it's starting very strong if nothing else. and i have no spoiler knowledge of what happens in the future#beyond the choice between rewards at the very end#and im SO curious how we'll get to that point. what horrors will we adventure through next? off we go to find out!#it's biggest glaring weakness so far is how horrendously grindy it is. and like. ive been warned and done my research ahead of time#im doing it on the same account im seeking. i knew what i was getting into. but also gots damn.#in comparison HD's 5-card lodgings and dreamgate feel like footnotes#anyway while im already way too deep into rambling did you know the honey trip gives you fate?? insane. why does it do that. hilarious even
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Fifty-Six silly and fucked up moments. i love this freak so much guys you have no idea
#i forget if i posted that second one idk if i did . well its here again#sorry i've only been posting sketches and whatever i havent had the energy to do full stuff lately#lethal company oc#oc: fifty-six#body horror#<- just to be safe. theyre weird and fucked up enough i think i probably should tag it#zombugz art#zombugz ocs
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horror having crazy irrational thoughts about food,,,,, like bro thinks there's poison in the cupcakes. someone snuck razor blades into the bread and once he takes a bit it'll cut him up. somehow there's mold growing inside the bananas and when he eats it the mold colony is gonna start growing on HIM and then he'll become a moldy skeleton and oh god and oh god and he is paranoid but hes so hungry.... BUT WHAY ABOUT BUGS IN THR FOOD,,,, BUT HES HUNGRY.... a struggle it truly is
probably doesnt help that dust and killer could feed into it. killer could make off hand remarks on how he snuck razor blades into the meat horror's attempting to eat (to fuck around with horror. just some eeeever so slight psychological anguish. and also because killer would just be the type of casually carry those around. what for you may ask well decide for yourself) and then immediately horror's mood drops and he storms out of the dining room. dust and horror go on a sweet little picnic in a beautiful field and its all beautiful and inconspicuous but dust made the food and horror knows that look in his eyes. horror knows dust was muttering something about chemicals a day or 2 ago. the food is poisoned isnt it??? and dust just smiles and motions for horror to eat it
#imagine being starved and then you hang out with two guys who make food dangerous#imagine the dread. the rational part of his mind telling him not to eat it but his instincts are so so so hungry#horror eats the food because it genuinely looks so good but he knows he just fucked up#they make eachother so SO worse........ they are SO bad for eachother its amazing#and horror probably can't cook all that well too so he definitely needs to learn which is a whole other struggle with his eating issues#MAKE THEM BREAK UP ALREADY THEY CAUSE TOO MUCH SUFFERING FOR EACH OTHER 💔💔💔#sorry triglycercule but no 🧡 they deserve to suffer together as retribution for everything they did#sometimes i feel like this angry torturous mtt that all hate eachother is a bit too ooc#but then again..... god is it so fun to come up with ideas for the mtt to hurt eachother#its so delicious 🧡 like dust's poisoned food! horror eats more because it tastes so good#but he can feel the poison kicking in. he can feel his body slowly start to ache and his movements slow as he eats more and more#and soon he can't move. he's paralyzed and in pain in this flower field with dust#and as he starts to pass out he reaches his hand out a bit for dust. just for the smallest bit of comfort#horror's absolutely furious at him for poisoning him but dust still holds his hand back#dust holds horror in his arms with a smile as they lay in the flower field enjoying the moment#as if you didn't just fucking poison the fuck but whatever that's horrordust for you!#dont worry horror gets him back by stealing papyrus's scarf and ripping some of it off to wear in front of dust#he sews a little patch of the scarf onto his jacket and dust is staring at that shit. that is a TAUNT#yeah this is papyrus's scarf. what are you gonna do about me ripping some of it huh? poison me AGAIN???#theyve all grown tolerances for different poisons because the mtt genuinely cannot stop trying to kill eachother#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#tricule hc#god i struggle to differentiate because hc and rant so much because i swap around and change hcs so frequently that there isnt consistency#ive now decided that rants MUST be substantially longer and less put together to be a rant and not a hc. and that shall be DECREED#utmv#sans au
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school is making me miserable so here's a doodle sheet of akechi truths. hope this helps
#goro akechi#my art#<- i guess. how many times have i said i guess to this. sorry no new big or good pieces i have horrors in my brain#p5 spoilers#i guess#i suppose that.these r 'headcanons.' but these are just truths in how i draw this guy. also not my best akechi drawings for sure lol#would u guys be mad if i made another akechi animatic. <-if this happens it will not be soon i have So Much shit going on rn.#my mind is just doing things again (things being listening to songs and thinking about him)#anyway its rlly funny to me that gloveless akechi feels so naked but he doesnt Actually wear them all the time lmao. he does to me though.#hope this helps.#i did the jacket around neck thing as a little kid because it stayed there better than the waist. he on the other hand is doing hero moment#anyway my brain has long imprinted on him like a baby duckling. thoughts and prayers on the schoolwork im not doing.goro akechi#i hope he dies<- not true
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I keep forgetting to be active here whoops....anyways it's Gorillaz Phase 1 OMG!!!!
OMFG I JSUT RELIZED THAT I DREW THE THUMB FACIND THE WROGN DIRECTION 💀💀💀
#I love 2d noodle and murdoc sm omg (sorry russel)#especially murdoc and 2d cause why are they kinda.../hj#I literally just discovered this band a week ago yet I want to go to all their concerts and buy all their merch and dvds#was gonna draw them all in a group photo but then i didn't know what the background would be so then I drew murdoc#but then I hated how I drew murdoc so I started drawing noodle#I tried experimenting a bit and used a watercolor brush for the background and for a bit of shading on noodle#also I did a thingy with her hair where I drew individual strokes of her hair cause it's really fun to do trad.#her hair ended up looking like omori hair 💀 (I still need to get into omori ngl but I'm terrible with horror)#I'm sorry if I butchered russel I cannot draw other body types at all#also drew with a crunchy pixel brush this time which it rare!#been in an art slump again so I think my art looks the same next to each other :(#anyways I need to stop yapping!!!! actual tags now#gorillaz#clip studio paint#digital art#fanart#my art#art#doodles#gorillaz phase 1#gorillaz noodle#gorillaz fanart#gorillaz fandom#woowowowo
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Day 274 | id in alt
I like to think Gojo has the strongest mentality so far up his ass it pisses Kugisaki off because, DUDE. SHE FUCKING GETS IT. BE QUIET. He's emo but a different color.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#gojo satoru#didn't color him normally because i didn't wanna💖#i fuckin passed out the other day sorry bout that but thankfully i now i have a fully draw thing for tewmorrow#gojo brings me great loathing and i cannot begin to piece together the pure “i know his issues and i no longer care” i have for him#the fandom shoves it down your throat too much for me for actually care for his existence#i say this like i didn't just watch a limbus company character shout for her oarmen for 30 minutes straight#listen. very good va and very entertaining for my unitched brain wrinkles#i love the sea in any kind of way i love weird shit#yall gonna hafta side eye me before i stare grabbing Kugisaki with rose and bear imagery again heavily#woe. fixation upon me#not woe because i fucking adore Kugisaki are you fuckin kidding me#i have so many things to jab gojo with for Kugisaki dont even get me started#no. dagons domain and his awakened design did not remotely make me happy#basic as FUCk imo but we wont get into that#im very passionate about mind and cosmic horror and sea horror and whatever that kinda shit sorry#i will push it through Kugisaki. hope yall are okay w that💖☝️
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okay posting them now because I was asked very nicely
#once again if someone already did these I'm sorry I didn't see/forgot about it </3#anyways more#they're fun to make. okay? okay.#omori incorrect quotes#omori meme#omori shitpost#chimera babbles#tw hellmari#forgot to say ask to tag since there's some Horrors here
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i mean this genuinely i think experiencing tourdust/2ourdust live with you all replicates the feeling i got when i found out fob were ending their hiatus. and i get to feel that like every night. fob forever <3
#i think back so so so fondly of my dash back then and how insane it all was and the tweets the guys made and fastforward waiting so long for#allllll the ybc videos and they werent even put on youtube first they were fucking streamed on some site that didnt even work half the time#but then we got to only mmy and srar left and the dash at the same time had a dawning horror that the next mv was probably mmy and#pete and patrick were the only ones left alive and. god. anyway. yeah. its nice to feel this excited and free and giddy again like i did#back then so so often#sorry double srar making me feel things <3
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#ik bad news gig audio bootlegs exist but i meant video form! like how theres a bootleg full video of the monsters of rock gig!#1 i didnt add bc he did the show (in a diff role) again and theres a vid but.... ade as brad in rocky horror.. i wish there was a recording#also while doing this i found out ade had a sitcom with david mitchell that was lost for years but is now on youtube :) (drs and nurses)#britcom#rik mayall#ade edmondson#adrian edmondson#the young ones#bbc bottom#also i think the btm series 4 scripts were written bc i found a lot of forum posts about it but i couldnt find any archived news articles s#if its fake i wouldnt know sorry!!#and ade says in berserker they were never OFFERED a fourth series which sounds like they werent the ones that turned a fourth series down#so it sounds like they probably wouldve had scripts#also i bet theres so much early work lost media... the comic strip and tyo and filthy rich and catflap....#but i didnt find any info abt any specific scenes/scripts missing#i wish outtakes for filthy rich and catflap and the dangerous brothers existed tho!! and more tyo outtakes!! bloopers my beloved
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05. September - Bathtub Girl
A lot of different triggers that I need to process and document.
I had very graphic nightmares last night. It started with me having to get married to my sister - which was so wrong. Then I dreamed of him. Being kept in a small, dark room. Being abused and something about the bathtub girl too.
Then, later today, I accompanied my roommate to the hospital. On our way there, during the bus ride, we had a conversation that reminded me of the bathtub girl too. I felt like crying. I was so close to having a full blown PTSD panic attack in the bus but managed to keep my calm. It made it feel like what I remember is real. At least it affects me.
Then later in the evening I watched a movie with my other roommate. Something about it triggered me too. The way the wallpaper looked in this hotel room. The dead people that were shown in the bathtub. I felt like I got so close to remembering the missing puzzle pieces. I felt scared I would have one of these bad movie like flashbacks that make me scream and cry in fear. I had to repeat to myself, I am safe. It is 2024. I am with R. and he is a safe person to be around. I am in his room. It is 2024. I am safe.
Then I went outside to smoke my last cigarette of the day and when I looked at the stars in the darkness, I was suddenly on that street again. In front of his house and I saw her face again. For a second. I saw it so clearly. When I went to my room again, I had to chant I am safe. I am safe. It is 2024. I am safe.
I'm scared to go to bed tonight. Scared of sleeping, scared of the dark. Scared of having nightmares, of having flashbacks. Scared of the missing puzzle pieces and of seeing her again. Of all of my memories, I fear her the most. I fear what he did to her, what he was capable of. I fear what he forced me to watch. And that he is still out there, that she is still out there and no one knows what was done to her. That no one ever found her.
#personal posts#tw abuse mention#abuse implied#ask to tag#now I feel close to tears again#tears of sheer fear and horror#I have to ground myself somehow#stop my hands from shaking#I think it's time to talk about her#but bringing her to light... it feels impossible#I can't give a name to what he did to her#so I'm sorry for not trigger warning this properly#i just can't say it#not even type it#tw trauma
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the references to them in mona’s photobook q&a means e v e r y t h i n g to me
#it’s so funny to me and me alone yk~~~~~~?#like i literally just finished the part about mona’s horror intolerance the other night and here it is again~~~~#mona is truly the gift that keeps on giving..#so cute… so precious… she’s our angel!!!!!!!#for anyone who may care: i’ll try to get her q&a done asap~~~ though im not gonna typeset everything onto scans from the book#like i did for the first monaca ice booklet#sorry lads~~~~ cleaning and typesetting is a pain in the a—#reminds me that i still have half of vol 5 to clean… p a i n. and i have 2 job interviews next week… d o u b l e p a i n.#so i’ll do my best for monachan while i still can~~~~~~~~~#and so! that’s all from me for now~~~~ see y’all when i finish the q&a… whenever that may be…
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Unraveling.
// Please read the tags beforehand, <3
Paris leaned against the tree trunk, making a desperate attempt at catching his breath. He had been running for- He didn't know, probably hours? He checked the time with his phone, but it still read 3:27 A.M. Same as it had been for probably hours- He didn't know. he couldn't tell… He checked the battery icon at the top- it was nearly dead. The signal may have read "SOS," but he had already tried multiple times to call for help. Nothing.
He wasn't about to try again- Something about the definition of insanity… and instead he put his phone back into his pocket, properly shutting it off to try to conserve what little battery was left. Paris had the urge to sit down for a little while; the muscles on his legs burned, and he was completely exhausted from running for so long. Stupid choice- he knew it wasn't a good idea to run around in the fog like a headless Torchic while he was already lost, but every time he considered standing still and waiting for this stupid, stupid fog to fade, he thought back to…
That. He shuddered, trying to focus on anything else besides that voice- his own voice, feeling a familiar chill crawl up his spine as he started to grow tense again. He could just imagine approaching footsteps- those hollow eyes, the-
He felt something seeping onto his hand, and cried out in surprise as he immediately moved away from the tree, trying to shake off the…
Black ink. Leaking out from the tree like sap. Paris stared at his hand, feeling his head pound at the sight of the stuff… He did his best to wipe it off of his hand, though he didn't have much besides his own clothes to do so. Still- it was better than nothing, at this point.
…He wasted no time getting on the move again, wandering further into the fog, trying to listen closely for any odd noises or disturbances. He couldn't trust his eyes anymore, as the fog had grown so thick that he could barely see past the length of his arm. Paris tread carefully, avoiding tripping on any loose roots or branches on the forest floor. How big was this forest, anyways? Surely he would've found his way out by now.
Then again, this wasn't the same place he had entered however long ago now. He wasn't sure how, but he just knew. He just had to keep walking now, he wasn't even sure if this would get him out, but he couldn't stay still. Not right now.
Paris stopped in his tracks as he heard a twig snap to his left. He turned immediately, nearly giving himself whiplash with how quickly he moved. He instinctively backed away, already tensing up to run-
And there it was.
A Thievul. the Thievul. That damned thing, staring back at him with those hollow, white eyes.
At last.
Paris charged at him, pursuing him as he turned tail and fled. The Thievul was swift, but he was determined to catch him, maybe if he did, it'd put an end to this torment. He wove through the trees with a precision Paris couldn't quite match, as he seemed to blend in with the fog at times- like he was about to fade into it. Paris pressed on, despite the burning in his lungs and the stiffness in his legs.
He finally got close enough to where he could tackle that thing, grabbing him with his hands-
Only to grasp at nothing but air.
Paris hit the ground, falling face first into the dew-covered grass. It took him a moment to recoup and process what happened, as he scrambled to get up, looking around for the Thievul. He was nowhere to be found, as if he vanished into thin air. The fog was starting to clear up a bit, and from what Paris could tell, he had been lead to a clearing in the woods.
He was fuming. He had gone here for nothing! Nothing at all! Revenge- Or even just closure, simply gone! Like that! No fanfare- no anything.
He yanked at his hair, yelling out of pure rage. Rage at the thievul, at himself for allowing it to escape, frustration over this entire stupid situation and this stupid fog and this stupid forest and EVERYTHING-
He stopped after a few moments passed, and finally opening his eyes, watery from the threat of crying. He looked up, seeing- black… patches? He blinked a few times, trying to clear up the blurriness in his eyes. Surely-
No. His eyes weren't playing tricks on him. The fog had receeded at an unnaturally fast rate, but… There was darkness. the inky-black dark of the ink, starting to spread through tears in the scenery, almost. He could feel the panic building in his chest, attempting to run the other way, only to find that the ground underneath him was starting to fade into the same black ink that was beginning to surround him. Paris screamed, trying to pull himself out, only to find that every time he put his foot down he simply got dragged deeper into the inky abyss. He could feel the substance clinging to his skin, unnaturally warm, almost pulsating… like breathing-
Something painful tugged against him, finally prompting him to glance down. his arms- the muscles were starting to twitch and twist unnaturally, his skin shifting around to compensate for the changes underneath. It was agonizing, muscles beginning to stretch and tear, before attempting to mend themselves again.
He howled in agony, nearly collapsing into the ink entirely, barely able to steady himself. it burned. His right arm in particular was getting the worst of it, the sensation similar to what he imagined it'd feel like having your arm ripped off.
…And much to his horror, it was actually hanging loose when he checked. the skin peeled away like wet cardstock paper, revealing red thread coiling around the remnants of the arm, as well torn ligaments and muscles trying to keep everything together- to no avail. It broke apart entirely, and fell into the ink below, slowly sinking down. There was no blood, instead, frayed and torn red thread hung down from what was left.
Paris collapsed- finally, into the ink. It was a miracle he had even been able to stay standing for so long, given that it seemed like he could fall apart like bad paper mache at any second now. He sputtered and coughed as he accidentally breathed in the ink, trying to pull his head back up. He couldn't breathe- it clung to him like tar, pulling him down further- further into the abyss.
Everything was falling apart. the trees falling apart like flayed seams- unraveling before his eyes, leaving nothing behind besides the pitch black abyss.
His head finally sank underneath. The last thing he saw was the bright red string- cutting through the dark abyss as it drifted upwards.
He shut his eyes, and the searing pain melted away.
Silence, at last.
#// edit at noon: hey guys j am so sorry I forgot to put this under a read more. I thought I did#body horror tw#drowning tw#suffocation tw#limb loss tw#amputation tw#<- Well. Not EXACTLY but. best descriptor#hallucination tw#and once again#WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS IS TW#// as always ask to tag#ooc#off-blog post#the unraveling arc#pkmn irl#high stakes pokeblogging#// hoooguh i worked on this for way too long. Yay yippie wahoo
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you know the day is going to be a doozy when you wake up with anxiety already eating you alive 🫠
#sorry not to once again vent about The Horrors#i’ve just been having an absolute weird one today lolol#and idek why this is where my brain has chosen to latch this time#somewhere between feeling too clingy for wanting to casually tell friends i love them or miss them or want to spend time with them#and being sensitive about slight changes with ones who withdraw from doing the same as often too#or changes in some routines i guess#like what if i’m just unaware that i’m the annoying person clinging to a friendship that’s fading#i don’t want to be too needy for reassurance or too pushy with being so sappy :o)#which is irrational of my brain but i can’t help feeling the way i do either#because i did lose touch with a former close friend recently and just. not realize that closeness wasn’t there anymore. lmao#but also ‘hi do you still love me. do you miss me if i’m not available. you haven’t said so in a while’ feels insane to ask shdghsd#ANYWAY that’s enough vulnerability for today. bye.#the life and times
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Oooh, can you imagine the horror of being thrown back in time? You memories in tact, but your body reverted back to its state then. The horror of it all, being in a form, place, time that is no longer your own. Those are not your loved ones, though you wish they were. This is not your home and hasn’t been for a long, long time. The body carries none of the weight nor scars that made you. You wished for change, but this is loss.
my insane rant for a messed up tragedy horror something au under cut
okay but like hear me out, because it’s dumb o’clock in the am rn where i’m at, and thus requires tragedy au thinking.
Au in which f!leo get’s thrown into the past, but like into his younger body. That’d be sooooo messed up.
Imagine the dysphoria. being put into a younger body he was supposed to have outgrown long ago. or suddenly finding his prosthetic/homage to his dead brother gone. like that’s not HIS arm.
and like, the perma loss of HIS brothers. our experiences are what make us right? these kid versions of his brothers only have the first half or so of their shared experiences and are definitely not HIS brothers. they’re missing decades of memories.
The kraang aren’t a threat here, but nothing is his: body, family, or time.
edit: SHOUTOUT TO WRAENATA WHO MADE AN EXCELLENT POINT AND REMINDED ME OF THIS DOPE FIC BY TEAINTHESNOW HERE’S A LINK TO THAT WONDERFUL FIC THAT HAS A LOT OF THE SAME PREMISE BUT IS PROBABLY NOT A TRAGEDY AU LIKE I WAS THINKING HERE
#rottmnt#tw eyestrain#rottmnt fanart#tw body harm#tw blood#fanart#my art#thimbell is saying dumb stuff again#just a quick post while i finish my other comic#now back to our regularly scheduled silliness#so sorry for anyone who followed me for fluff or comfort#i prefer fluff and comfort and nice things but I DID have a horror phase and sometimes… /lh#this is actually a draw over from a pretty old sketch#ALSO READ TEAINTHESNOWS FIC “AT MY WORST”
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