#sorry for the last 2 blurry avatars

[the-astral-express-archive]

Honkai: Star Rail In-game Profile Avatars (3/?)

[omgkatherine01]

Dream Girl: Chapter 2 - Into the Forest

Series Masterlist

Chapter 1, Chapter 3

Pairing: Neytiri x female reader

Please comment, like and share

In the morning, you, Jake and Norm followed Grace into the link room. She looked at Norm, "So, how much link time have you logged?"

"About 520 hours," he answered.

Grace looked at him again, and then away, "That's good." She pointed to a psionic link unit, "You're in there." Norm walked to it. "Y/n, you next to mine," Grace told you, "Did you logged since the last time?"

"Nope, still 30 hours," you answered.

Grace nodded, and looked at your brother, "And you're here. How much have you logged?"

"Zip. But I read a manual."

Grace looked at him in disbelief, "Tell me you're joking." She turned to you, "He's joking right."

"Nope," you answered as you sat in your psionic link unit.

"Let's go," you heard Norm saying.

Then Grace walked around to you, and pressed a few buttons, "Nice and easy, all right?"

You nodded and laid down, "Okay."

"Okay, close your eyes, and let your mind go blank," she reminded you, and you nodded lightly. "See you on the other side, kiddo," she said, closing the top of the link pod on you, sealing you inside.

You took a few soft breathes and closed your eyes and it was all over with a flash of light.

You opened your eyes, but your vision was blurry. You frowned when two blurry faces wearing masks looking down at you.

"Y/n, can you hear me?" one, a female doctor asked me.

"Yes," you replied softly and blinked as your vision became clear. You slowly sat up.

"Nice and easy kid," the male doctor said as you now looked at your body to see you now inside your avatar body.

"Can you move your fingers for me?" the male doctor asked. You lifted your blue arms and moved your fingers. "That's good. How about your toes, can you move them?"

You looked at your feet and moved your toes a little. "That's good," the female doctor said and you looked to your left to see Norm, in his avatar body, sitting and doing as his doctor instructed him.

You looked at your right and saw Jake, in his avatar body, slowly sitting up. "Hey bro," you said, smiling in amusement.

Jake looked at you and chuckled, looking back at his feet. He was excited, you can tell by his expression, he could move his legs again, even though it wasn't his human form, he was excited.

"Okay, y/n, I need you to move your legs and sit on the edge," the female doctor told you.

"Okay," you said softly as you moved your body and sat on the edge of the gurney.

"Watch the tail," the male doctor warned when you almost hit him with your tail.

"Sorry," you apologized while the female doctor gave a chuckle, amused.

"Ooh! Wait. Jake." You turned to look at Jake, and saw him getting up, not listening to the doctors as always. "Sit down, Jake."

"Jake," you warned but he didn't listen.

"It's okay, I got this," he said.

"I need you to sit down," his doctor said.

"Jake, you need to sit down right now," the other doctor said.

Jake ignored them and before the doctor could give him a sedative he ran out of the room. You were annoyed but quickly ran after him to get him back in.

"Jake!" you called as you ran after him outside. You blinked a few times because of the bright light of the sun, but then quickly went back to get to Jake.

You ran after him until he finally stopped in the middle of the garden. You slowed to a stop behind and hit him on the back of his head. "Ow," he said as he placed his hand at the spot.

"That's for not listening," you said.

"Hey, kiddo!"

You and Jake turned and you saw Grace in her avatar body walking closer. You nodded to her with a small smile while Jake stared in shock, "Damn. Grace?"

"Well, who'd you expect, numbnuts?" Grace asked as she picked a fruit from a tree. "Think fast." She threw it to him, and he caught it. She threw another fruit and this one was for you, and you caught it. "Motor control's looking good for both of you."

Jake and you exchanged a quick look and chuckled before taking bits from the fruits she threw to you. She smiled, chuckling as she watched the two of you enjoying the fruits.

"Cheek it out!" Jake and you turned to see Norm behind you. He flexed his muscles, using a deep voice, "I am a living God." He smiled and started to walk toward us, "This is amazing!"

He slipped on the ground but quickly got up, "Okay, I'm good." Grace and you laughed while Jake shook his head and rolled his eyes.

-

Hours later when the sun started to set down, you, Jake and Norm were led to the avatar longhouse. You sat on a wooden bed in a long hut of tropical-style construction beamed ceiling, open sides covered by screen.

Jake sat down on his own made bed near you, and watched as you held the end of your long braided queue of hair. The ends of the hair writhe slowly with their own life, like tendrils of a sea creature.

"That's kind of freaky," he muttered.

"A little," you agreed and looked over to see Grace leading the doctors out.

"Come on, everybody, quiet down. All right, gang, lights out. Come on, Louise, chop-chop. Come on. Scat." She closed the gate and turned off the lights. "Lights out. See you at dinner, kiddies."

Jake and you laid on your beds. You let out a soft sigh and closed your eyes.

You opened your eyes to find yourself inside your link unit. The link pod opened to show Max next to you. "Welcome back," he said with a smile.

You smiled and slowly sat up. "Oh," you said as your smile faded away a little, feeling a little dizzy.

"Yeah," he said with a soft chuckle, "First time after been in an avatar body, makes your mind a bit dizzy."

You nodded a little and got out from the link unit, and turned to Jake, "Jake, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," he answered and pushed himself onto his wheelchair.

You walked around the link unit, and stood by him. He looked up at you and smiled, "That was awesome."

At dinner time, you and the rest of the other avatar drivers were sitting together with scientists at the commissary room. You sat by your brother, talking with him before a woman walked closer.

"Jake?" Jake looked at her. "Colonel wants to see you in the Armor Bay."

Jake looked from her to you in confusion. "Want me to come with you?" you asked.

"Nah, it's okay, I'll be back soon," he said and turned his wheelchair, and followed the woman out. You looked back to the table and noticed Grace was watching your brother leaving before turning back to her plate.

-

In the morning, you, Grace, Jake and Norm were getting ready to leave using your avatars.

The four of you were flying in a helicopter with the woman you met yesterday, Trudy, and Wainfleet. He and Jake had their guns ready as you landed in the forest.

Grace turned to the window to look at Trudy, and spoke to her, "Shut it down. We're gonna stay a while." She turned to Norm, "Norm! Your pack."

Norm nodded, "Pack." He quickly turned back to grab it.

Jake started to walk and you followed but glanced to Grace to see if you were going the right way. She took a step to follow and looked at Wainfleet, "Stay with the ship. One idiot with a gun is enough."

You smirked at her comment and looked at your brother. "You the man, Doc," Wainfleet said and we walked away.

You looked around with amazement, this was so much better than the pictures Grace showed me, you thought. You all heard rustling in the trees, and Jake aimed his gun at the movements. You saw a small herd of Prolemuris swinging on the trees, one of them picked up a fruit and looked at Jake with curiosity.

"Prolemuris," you said.

Grace looked at you with a proud smile for remembering the first few words she taught you when you started to work with her, "Yes." She looked at your brother, "They're not aggressive. Relax, Marine. You're making me nervous."

She walked past him and you followed her. Norm and Jake followed you from behind. The four of you soon enough reached to a small wooden building.

"What was this place?" you asked Grace as you walked along side her.

"It was the school that I taught in," she answered softly.

You were going to open your mouth to ask her what happened, but Norm spoke first, "So, how will they know we're here?" he asked from behind you and you turned to see him and Jake approaching, but your brother was aiming his gun, looking around for any danger.

"I'm sure they're watching us right now," Grace answered, giving a small shrug. You turned to the boys, and Norm stopped and looked around nervously.

You chuckled and nodded to the building, "Come on." You walked up the stairs with Norm and Jake following.

You looked around the inside of the building, the chairs and tables were all flipped over, a few books were around the floor.

"This was our school," Grace said, "Now, it's just... storage. The children were so bright. Eager to learn. Picked up things much faster than I can teach it."

You walked back outside to look around. You peered inside as you heard Norm asking, "Why won't they come back?"

Grace sighed sadly, "The, Omatikaya, learned as much about us as much they needed to."

You watched as Jake was inspecting the board with bullet holes on. "What happened here?" he asked.

Grace looked to him, and for a moment it seemed like she was about to answer, but instead scolded him, "You gonna help us with this? We got a lot to do."

You all packed the stuff you needed inside the bags, and headed your way out into the forest again. You followed closely behind Grace as she called out, "Keep up, guys!"

You found a good spot to take samples, and Grace and Norm get samples from roots of a tree. You looked around the place and then you glanced at your brother who now looked to the side in boredom, and let out a soft sigh as you walked to the side.

"Hey, stay close," Jake said when he saw you moving away.

"I'm right here," you said as he followed you.

You come to a glade filled with shoulder-high spiral plants called helicoradians. You smiled and watched your brother as he brushed one and it shrunk down into a tube in the ground so quickly it seemed to simply vanish.

You both chuckled softly, and you looked at him, "It's call helicoradian. Pretty cool, huh?"

Jake shrugged and you hit him in the shoulder in amusement. You took it as it was your turn and touched one too, only for it to pull down into the ground.

Jake chuckled and smiled at your excited expression, it was a long time since he saw you react that way.

You touched another one, and another. A chain reaction started and the whole colony pulled down into the ground, revealing a Hammerhead Titanothere.

It looked like a six-legged rhinoceros, but twice that size. Its massive, low-slung head has projections of bone giving it the look of a hammerhead shark. Its baleful eyes locked onto you and your brother.

You froze, your smile had disappeared the moment you saw it. Jake immediately moved forward and pulled you behind him before he raised his rifle.

Grace, alerted by the creature's snorts, ran to where she could see the tableau. "Don't shoot. Don't shoot, you'll piss him off."

The Hammerhead Titanothere hit the trees next to it. "It's already pissed off," Jake said.

"Jake, that armor's too thick," Grace said, "Trust me. It's a territorial threat display. Do not run, or he'll charge."

"So, what do we do, dance with it?" Jake asked sarcastically, pulling you back slowly with him.

"Just hold your ground," Grace said.

It bellowed again, lowering its head and charged toward you and your brother. You ran past Jake, surprising him and you screamed at the top of your lungs. It stopped abruptly, with an oversized bleat.

"Wow!" Jake called, surprised and proud you stopped the beast. "Not bad!"

What he or you didn't noticed, was from your side by the trees, a thanator was stalking you and the Hammerhead Titanothere, which the beast, Grace and Norm spotted.

Grace's blue face turned slightly pale, and when Jake noticed the thanator, his smile disappeared and his expression turned worried. "Y/n!" he said, "Look out!"

You looked to your side to see the thanator and you froze. It jumped between you and the Hammerhead Titanothere, scaring the beast with its roar, and it took off with the small herd it was with.

"Grace?" you asked as the thanator turned to you.

"Run!" Grace called, "Y/n, run!"

The thanator roared and you took off running to the other way. Jake was about to chase after the beast as it chased you, but Grace grabbed him by the arm, "Wait! It will kill both of you!"

"No, it will go after one of us!" Jake snapped, "I prefer it to go after me instead of my sister!" He turned and aimed his rifle, shooting at the thanator.

It turned and roared as it stared at Jake. "Come on!" he shouted as he backed away from where Grace and Norm were hiding.

You turned to the thanator and when you saw it staring at your brother, you pulled your gun and aimed, shooting at it from behind to get its attention.

It quickly turned back to you, and roared as it ran toward you. "Y/N!" Jake shouted, and you ran away, with the thanator following you.

The thanator leaped after you and you launched yourself between two large trunks, forcing the beast to claw its way around to the side while you scrambled up around over a tangle of roots and claws slash the air behind you, exploding the bark off you dived under a massive root system. You heard crushing, kindling rained around you as the beast teared into the root-trunks above you.

Claws slash down next to you as you rolled and crawled. Glistening jaws smash and snap against the barrier trunks, sending chunks of wood flying. It sprayed spittle across your jaw inches away as you rolled onto your back, and shoot the beast with your gun a few times until you were out of bullets.

You threw the gun at the beast, making the weapon hit its face, which pissed it off even more. The beast screeched an ungodly wail of pain and rage, and ripped the entire trunk away. I scrambled to escape but its huge jaws lunged downward, snap shut and it ripped you out of the tree, shaking you.

It has you by the backpack, so you unlatched it and you flew free as the thanator crushed the pack with its teeth. Giving you a moment to sprint away, but it noticed you were still alive and got away, so it started to chase after you again, splintering trees.

You ran in a blur, dodging between trunks as the beast ruined the forest behind you. You could see water ahead and dived outward with all you might.

The thanator's jaws snapped shut inches behind you as you flew out into open space and you splashed down into a swiftly moving river. The thanator leaped down after you, pursuing from rock to rock, its claws swiping angrily, and it roared while you got away from it.

You moved your feet up and swam to the surface. You took a deep breath and swam to the trunk, grabbing into it.

You heard the thanator's roars, and looked up to the other side where you were a few seconds ago. You let out a relief breath, and after a moment, pulled yourself out of the water.

Now that you got away from the jaws of death, you had to find a way to get back to your family.

Taglist:

@ara-a-bird, @imthefunniestpersonalive, @mistyyyy, @lovelyspecs, @octavias-next-meat-bite, @redwitchredspeedster

[racmune]

AHH ty for tagging me!!<33

three ships: scout/pauling (tf2), soldier/spy (tf2), demo/medic (tf2)

first ever ship: either rainbow dash/pinkie pie (mlp), rainbow dash/fluttershy (mlp), or phone guy/vincent (fnaf),, i think i vaguely remember shipping rainbow dash with her genderbend at one point cause i was like. six,, but the memories are blurry

last song: i think we're alone now - tommy james & the shondells

last movie: avatar 2

currently watching: not been watching too many shows lately... too busy on dem vidyagames,, though last series i watched was life lessons with uramichi oniisan which was really good

currently eating: ginger ale:)

craving: hhhhggmmmm more ginger ale

would tag others but im really shy (sorry ;w;)

I was tagged by @ssawboness which thank you!!!

Three Ships: hmm Harry Du Bois x Kim Kitsuragi (Disco Elysium), Spy x Heavy (TF2), Sniper x Demo (TF2)

First Ever Ship: so I have an absolutely terrible memory it's a legitimate problem sjfjg but hmm I do remember drawing a lot of Zim x Dib when I was in 6th and 7th grade. We don't need to get into all of that I was a kid alright

Last Song: Upside Down by Oliver Tree

Last Movie: Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio

Currently Watching: Does Defunctland count skfnfk I'm not great at watching shows

Currently Eating: candy canes!

Craving: miso soup tbh

Tagging (but only if you want to):

@biracy @kingcatnine @tulliusmaximus @sw0rd-l0gic @racmune @princelydisaster @justdecadentcollectiondestiny @5gogh2 @maddymoreau @c0rp0 <-it won't let me tag you idk why

[amor-immortalem]

You’re Important to Me part 4

Part 1 | part 2| part 3

Genre: angst/comfort

———————————————————————-

Chat: Troublemaker (affectionate)

Lucifer: Come home immediately. We need to talk.

Mammon: bout what? If its one of your shitty punishments. Think I’ll pass.

Lucifer rested his head on his desk letting out a groan. The second-born was frustrating him to no end. However, the first-born supposes he’s made him this way from everything he’s put him through. Picking up the pill bottle, he rolled it in his hand and watched as the contents slid from one side to the other. He placed them in a locked door in his desk as he thought about how they had been this close to losing yet another sibling.

A soft rapping on the office door pulled his attention back to the present.

“Enter,” he sat up straight as the guest joined him. It was Levi.

“Do you think Mammon still loves us. I-I’ve really been thinking about what’s been going on….. about our family. What if he leaves us? We lost Lilith. I-I don’t want to lose him too…” The Avatar of Envy’s voice quaked. Back when they were angels they were once close- almost even closer than the twins.

“I’m sure he does, Levi.” His response was hollow words. If Lucifer was being honest, he didn’t really know how Mammon felt about them currently. If he were the one in Mammon’s shoes, he would absolutely despise his brothers.“He’s currently refusing to come home, however. It’s likely that he knows what went on today and that’s why he broke up with the human we all know he cherishes so deeply. He didn’t want us to know.”

“I knew it! He hates us and never wants to see our faces again.”

“Leviathan, I never said that.” Lucifer’s voice was stern. “Please calm down before you throw yourself into a panic attack. He has to come home eventually, and we’ll all talk then- if not tonight then definitely tomorrow morning. For now, maybe you should go play one of your games. If you’d like I could join you to help take your mind off this whole debacle.”

Levi nodded his head slowly. “ I would appreciate that….. Actually, I had made this rpg specifically to play-test with Mammon but if you wanted to….we could play it together.”

“That’s a wonderful idea, Levi.”

Finally deciding to make his way home, Mammon pushed open the heavy doors to the house. The last thing he wanted to do was face his brothers right now. He already anticipated their reactions. The teasing and mocking that would be thrown his way- there wasn’t any escape for him now, was there? At least no one was here at the moment- that much he could be greatful for.

As he made his way up to his room, the demon made sure to avoid the places he knew his brothers would frequent at this time of night. Once there, he slipped inside and tossed the bag of clothes he had modeled in today from the top of of the stairs into the walk in closet with practiced precision. When he turned his head, he saw her small, blurry form just lying there on the couch.

“Why’re you in here? Ya got a room if your own dontcha?”

“I just….. sorry. I pushed too hard, didn’t I?” Arella’s voice sounded hurt. “It was just that I thought this might be the only place I could go and you’re brothers wouldn’t come looking for me. I’m still really angry with them. Not that they would anyway, not with how I screamed and yelled at them earlier...”

“And Lucifer didn’t kill ya on the spot? Its a miracle you’re alive after that.” He let out a chuckle. “I can’t tell if you’re incredibly brave or just plain dumb.”

“Maybe both…..” Arella sighed, “I… um… I’ll go back to my room now.” As she stood and made her up the staircase, he could feel the sadness radiating off of their pact mark.

“‘Rella, wait.” He grabbed her by the arm. “Don’t go. I don’t mind if ya stay…. We should talk about earlier, okay?”

He watched as she nodded a small frown on her face. Now that he could see her more clearly, he noticed the puffy eyes and tear tacks streaked down her cheeks. Now he just felt worse.

“I was thinkin’ real hard about this morning and I’m sorry for what I said earlier.” He started, “I don’t… I don’t really think we should break up…. I know you were just trying to help. That you were worried and scared for me.”

“I was…. Can I tell you something?“ she asks as he nods. “Seven years ago, I lost my little brother and then six months later my mother to suicide. One to cyber bullying, the other because she was so consumed with grief from the loss of a child that she saw no way to go on…. Do you know what was like….. to find their bodies? To realize you could have helped them if you had just paid attention and seen the warning signs? It still affects me to this day….They were the only blood related family I had left until I had found a new family here in the Devildom with you and your brothers. A-and then when you were saying all those things last night, I- I flashed back to the night I had found my brother but instead of him it was you and I-I-”

Mammon pulled the human tight against his chest in what could have been a bone crushing hug if he wasn’t careful and she buried her face in his chest. Her body shook with with muffled sobs.

“I’m sorry. I was running my mouth without thinking ‘bout what that might do to everyone- worst of all you….” He leaned down, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I wont say things like that ever again. No matter how I’m feelin’.

He walked her back towards the bed, letting her get in as he went to go change into some more comfortable clothes for sleeping. He joined her in bed shortly after, pulling her close as he wiped the stray tears from his cheeks. Arella moved closer so she could lay her head on his chest listening to his heartbeat, her crying reduce to quiet sniffles and hiccups by this point.

“Ya know, I think you just wasted your breath when you were yellin’ at my brothers earlier…. I think to them, I’ll just always be the family screw up. I’m already dreading the teasing I’ll get tomorrow at breakfast….”

“It had to be done, though. I think I managed to set them all straight….If you could have seen the look on their faces when I lost control of my temper and fried all the electronics in the common room or when I commanded Asmo to sit so hard he crashed face first into the floor….”

“Wait…you did what?” He quirked an eyebrow as he stared down at her before breaking into a soft laugh, “Ya really are something else, Hon, ya know that? I’ve never met someone who would fight for me like this before- who would call my brothers out on their bullshit.”

“Only because I know you don’t deserve to be treated this way…. You… you deserve good things and to be treated well by the people who you love most.” She yawned as she stretched out a little more in his embrace. “And because I love you and I would be lost if anything were to happen to you.” Her eyes were starting to slip closed.

“I love you too, babe.” The demon hummed as he started to card his fingers through her hair. As soon as he was sure she was out like a light he pressed his lips to the crown of her heard once more.

“Thank you for being here on my worst days, for being my little ray of sunshine down here in the dark.”

Once the morning came around, most of Mammon’s brothers gathered in the common room. They were awaiting the entrance of the Avatar of Greed as it was nearly breakfast time.

Lucifer had figured Mammon would be avoiding them as if they had the plague, so he instructed Beel to drag him in here by any means necessary. They all knew he was successful when they heard Mammon let out a surprised yelp and the clattering of a bowl against the floor.

“C’mon, Beel, Let me go!”

“Not until we all talk.”

“Talk? What’s there to talk about? I didn’t do nothin’ so let me go!’

Both demons soon entered the dining room as the sixth-born sat his older on the couch facing all of them, holding him down by his shoulders so Mammon couldn’t escape despite how he squirmed and tried to wiggle his way out of Beel’s grasp.

“Mammon, stop struggling.” It was a request from eldest, a chance to cooperate. “We all have some words we’d like to say to you.”

Mammon froze at that statement. Here it came: all the ridicule and teasing. He wanted to run. He was the second strongest of them, maybe if he tried hard enough, he could shake his little brother off and get away. What good would that do him though? His brothers would just corner him later anyway so maybe it was just best to get it over with now.

He looked towards his brothers’ blurry figures, a million different thoughts rushing his head. He couldn’t tell their expressions from this distance but they had to be smiling, right- ready to laugh at him any minute now. His body tensed as he braced himself for the harsh sting of their words.

“Mammon, we’re sorry,” Asmo was the first to speak up after a short moment of silence, “We love you so much even though we suck at showing it.”

“You did so much for us after we fell,- you still do a lot for us even now,” the seventh-born picked his head up from the table,“And I don’t think we ever told you how much we all appreciate it…. If it weren’t for you, I don’t even think we would still be a family… don’t forget, you’re the one who kept us all in line when Lucifer would lock himself away in his office back then.”

“I know we act like you’re just a burden to us,” Satan started, “but I think all of us would agree that life would be so boring without you here.”

“Yeah, I-I mean who else would take the time to play games with me when I’m down in the dumps?” Levi asked.

“Or risk getting strung up from the chandelier to get me the food that I want from the human world?” Beel cut in.

“Or compliment me on my outfit or hair no matter what form I choose to take for the day. Or is always there to hype me up when I’m having a bad day? Hell, you even gave up the position of DevilStyle’s cover model just for me! Honestly I think you might be the best big brother out there.”

“We know about all the things you’ve done in secret for us- the things you don’t take credit for,” Lucifer smiled softly, “I’m proud to call you my brother for that. We love you and while you may make some poor life choices from time to time, our lives just wouldn’t be the same without you.”

Mammon looks at them in a daze. Was this really happening? His brothers were…. Apologizing? To him of all people? This had to be a dream. There was no reality in which his brothers really cared about him. The second-born pinched the skin on his arm. That’s what you did to check if you were dreaming, right?

Harder, harder he pinched until the spot was sure to bruise. It wasn’t until Beelzebub placed his hand over his that Mammon realized he wasn’t dreaming. This was reality.

Tears welled in his eyes as he processed the words he just heard. One tear fell down his cheek soon followed by another then another until eventually the demon let out a sob.

“Th-This ain’t real! It ain’t!” The second-born yelled, his body shaking as he sobbed harder. “I’m still dreamin’. I-I gotta be! None of this is real…”

His brothers moved to embrace him- first the sixth-born, then the eldest and then the youngest. One by one, the rest of their brothers followed suit until the seven of them all somehow managed to end up on the floor in one giant cuddle pile, his face pressed into Lucifers as they allowed their brother to cry out all the tears he’d been bottling up for all these centuries.

It seemed they were going to be there a while- Good thing Lucifer had called Diavolo to tell him they wouldn’t be attending RAD today. That this was a more important matter to attend to.

“This stops today, Lucifer announced to his siblings once Mammon had stopped crying. “From today on, the six of us will make a conscious effort to change the ways we’ve talk to and treated you.”

“And if we get too out of hand, feel free to put us in our place,” Belphegor chuckled. “We can be blockheads from time to time.”

“The point is,” Asmodeus sighed as he hugged his brother a little tighter, “We all messed up big time. We just want to make you feel loved and appreciated again- like you’re an important part of this family.”

“We lost Lilith.” It was Beel’s turn to speak. “We’re not losing you too.”

Mammon smiled at his brothers’ words. Finally, he had thought, finally they were showing their true feelings to him after all these centuries.

“Thanks guys…..” the demon’s voice sounded cracked and strained from all the crying he had done earlier. “Even after everything that’s happened I wouldn’t trade y’all for the world. I love you guys.”

A chorus of ‘I love you too’s sounded from the group of demons as another family hug commenced. Eventually, as hours passed, one by one, they had all fallen asleep, each with a smile on their face and still huddled together.

Arella eventually found them in that state. With a soft smile she grabbed the blanket they often used for movie night and draped it over them heading back to her room so she wouldn’t disturb them.

———————————————————————-

Taglist: @gallantys

Masterlist 2

[fruitcoops]

Hi hello I would love to know more about this tidbit from your oher fic? “Three months after we moved in together, Remus slept on the couch for a week because he hated the way I left toothpaste on the sink.” “I wasn’t even angry about the toothpaste.” Remus got up to refill Leo’s water glass. “I was scared we were moving too fast and that everything would fall apart.” pretty please with puppy dog eyes?

Anything for you, Beyonce! Hope you enjoy your trip on the angst train >:)

Coops credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for couples arguments, self-isolation, mild anxiety

Day 1

“Oh my god, Sirius.” Remus shoved his toothbrush back in the holder more aggressively than he probably needed to. His hands were shaking, though whether it was from rage or something else, he wasn’t sure.

“What?”

“Really? Again?”

“What?” Sirius asked again. He had the nerve to sound truly bewildered and the bed creaked as he stood up. “What did I do?”

“You left the toothpaste uncapped and it’s all over the sink,” Remus sighed, running his hand down his face. It was too late to fight about this.

Sirius gave him a look. “Re, there’s literally one smudge.” He swiped it away with his thumb. “There. Better?”

“No, it’s not better. I told you I hate it when you do that.”

“Are you okay? You seem…upset.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” he snapped. Sirius recoiled at his tone and he bit back a second retort. “Look, I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

“What—sweetheart—”

“Don’t call me sweetheart, okay?” Remus grabbed a fresh set of pajama pants and a long-sleeved shirt out of the dresser. He couldn’t handle being surrounded by Sirius’ smell right now. “Just…not tonight.”

 Day Two

They ate breakfast silently. Every ping of Sirius’ spoon against his cereal bowl was like nails on a chalkboard as he choked down a slice of toast and all but chugged his coffee. “So…” Sirius started, looking up at him from under his eyelashes. “Do you want to talk about what happened last night?”

“Not really,” Remus muttered. “I’m going to run to Target and get some groceries.”

“In your pajamas?”

Remus went upstairs without a word. He slept on the living room couch again that night and tried desperately not to miss Sirius’ solid warmth next to him. This is good for you both, he repeated again and again and again. Space is good. Space is healthy.

Day Three

Sirius didn’t bring it up again, but he stole quick, worried glances that Remus caught in his periphery whenever they were in the same room together. There was a gentle knock on the living room doorframe and he poked his head in, offering Remus a grilled cheese sandwich that basically broke his heart. “I’m really sorry about the toothpaste,” he said softly when Remus didn’t respond. “Um, I made dinner, but you seemed busy. So. Here.”

“Thanks,” Remus managed. As soon as he heard the bedroom door close upstairs, silent tears began streaking down his face. The sandwich tasted like sawdust. “You need to breathe,” he reminded himself. “If you move too fast it’s going to fall apart. If you can’t exist apart then you won’t be healthy together.”

And yet somehow he was unhappier than he had been in more than three months, even when they were still living in the same house.

 Day Four

Remus ran errands. Hung out with Lily in the park. Made lunch and left a brief note next to the crock pot for Sirius to find when he was done working out. Love you, it read. Simple. Normal. Healthy.

His back was beginning to cramp from the too-small couch. His feet were cold every night. Lily’s silent concern played over and over again in his head as he drifted into a fitful sleep.

 Day Five

It was getting easier to create distance with Sirius despite the fact that they shared most spaces. He offered quick smiles when they passed each other in the hallway, chaste kisses whenever he left the house, and even scooted over to make room for him on the couch when the Avatar reruns started on Nickelodeon.

“Remus, are you mad at me?” Sirius asked after a period of suffocating silence. Hearing him say his name was strange—his accent curled around it in an unfamiliar way, like he was making a conscious effort not to slip up. Remus squeezed his eyes shut. It was agonizing to be so close to him and yet so far away. They always cuddled on the couch.

“No,” Remus said in a small voice. “No, I’m not mad at you.”

“Is this…are you breaking up with me?” From the soft huff of air that came after it, Remus knew he had been sitting on this for a long time.

“What? No!” He turned, making eye contact for the first time in days. It was brutal and made him feel raw. “No, I love you.”

Sirius’ shoulders folded in slightly and he fidgeted with the edge of the blanket. “Are you coming back to bed soon?”

“I—I don’t know,” Remus forced himself to say. I love you! He wanted to scream. I love you so much it’s scaring me. I miss everything about you, even the toothpaste smudges on the sink and the way you look at me when you find more of my socks scattered around. I miss holding you and racing shopping carts in Target with you. I miss your laugh and your smile and just being near you. “Probably. I’m not sure. I’m sorry.”

“Take your time.” The words sounded like they pained him. “Take all the time you need.”

“This isn’t payback,” Remus said. “Sirius, this is not payback for the time we spent hiding, okay?”

Sirius gave him an astonished look. “How did you…?”

“Because I know you.” He was miserable. So fucking miserable. “I know you, Sirius, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

One question hung unspoken between them. Then why are you staying away?

 Day Six

Sirius was gone when he woke up, but a sticky note in his careful handwriting rested on the end table near Remus’ face. He frowned as he sat up—he been too drained to deal with tangled blankets when he went to sleep, but sometime in the night they had been smoothed all the way up to his shoulder and a second one had been added to cover his feet. Remus shoved down the urge to burst into tears and grabbed the note to distract himself.

Remus, it began. Ouch.

Pots and I are taking Harry to the park today, I’ll be back around six. Lily said she wanted to talk with you at some point so keep an eye out for her calls. Thanks for picking up extra pasta at the store.

Love you,

Sirius

He smoothed his thumb over the note, feeling each bump and curl of Sirius’ pencil because his vision was too blurry to make out the words a second, third, fourth time. “This is bullshit,” he said to himself. “This is bullshit!”

When the slight echo of his shout faded out, he set it back on the table and curled up, drawing both blankets tight around himself. “Why am I doing this?”

1.      You had sex before you went on a real date

2.      You went through a traumatic event and are still working through it

3.      You’re so fucking scared of how much you love him

4.      You want to spend forever with him because he’s your best friend, too

5.      Normal couples date for at least a year before moving in together

6.      Normal couples—

“Fuck it.” He shook his head to clear the anxiety list from his brain. He had been reciting it to himself for days as some sort of convoluted justification. “Fuck it. I love him and this is bad for both of us. So what if we’re not a normal couple? What the hell is a normal couple? We’re never going to be normal and I love him, I love him, I…”

The low sobs that resonated in his chest burned in the best way. His breathing was even, but he just couldn’t repress this anymore. “I’m a coward,” he sniffled, sliding further under the heavy blankets. His pajamas only smelled like laundry detergent and regret. “And an idiot.”

The phone rang and he picked it up. “Hey, Lils.”

“Well, you sound like a wreck.”

“I know.”

“What’s going on, Re?”

“I’m an idiot.”

“And?”

“And I’m in love with him.”

“And?”

“I’m done self-flagellating to try and fit the societal standards of a healthy relationship based on heterosexuality.”

“There’s my Remus,” she said. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Are you okay? I was worried about you.”

“Better now. I’ll fix this when Sirius gets home.”

“Good. You’re both suffering from this.”

 Day Seven

When Remus woke up, it was pitch-black outside. “Oh, fuck,” he whispered to the ceiling, scrubbing at his itchy eyes. The wall clock read 12:06. After another thirty minutes of crying, he had cleaned the whole house top to bottom, went for a run, and then apparently passed out on the couch for five hours.

Fix this. In any other circumstance, Remus would have spent at least an hour fretting over every tiny detail. But this was Sirius. This was about owning the fact that he was happiest with Sirius and that he had unintentionally hurt him by trying to create distance that they didn’t actually need.

With a heavy sigh, he dragged himself up the stairs and knocked softly on the bedroom door. There was a moment of silence, then a sleepy voice. “Re?”

“Hey, baby. Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

Sirius hadn’t bothered turning on the light, so the room was dark as he slipped in and closed the door behind him. Sudden nervousness washed through him. “I’m sorry.”

There was a rustle as Sirius sat up. “Why did you do that?”

“I thought—” His mouth was so dry. “It’s so stupid.”

“Please tell me.”

“I thought we needed space. I didn’t want space, you didn’t want space, but I was afraid we were moving too fast and that we’d suddenly wake up one morning and hate each other. That everything would crumble because we rushed into everything.”

“Hmmm.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“After day three, yeah. And then I was just worried. You seemed really unhappy and I didn’t know why.” Sirius paused. “Um, I called your mom.”

“What? When?”

“Friday morning. That was what, day…four? I heard you crying downstairs and I was afraid someone had died or something.” His voice wobbled. “She was worried, too, but she said you might just need to work through it.”

“I’m so sorry, Sirius.”

“I know.”

“Can I…?”

“C’mere.” Sirius reached over and lifted the edge of the covers up on Remus’ side—as far as he could tell, they had been left tucked in the whole time. “I love you,” he murmured as Remus curled up.

“I love you so much.” He carefully reached out and brushed their hands together, and Sirius wrapped an arm around him to pull him close. “So much, you have no idea. That was the worst week.”

Sirius’ heartbeat was steady as Remus kissed the top of his head and melted into his warmth. “I capped the toothpaste in the bathroom.”

When Remus laughed, it was a little teary. “I say this with all the love in the world, Sirius, but I couldn’t care less about the goddamn toothpaste. I care about you.”

His hold tightened and Remus squeezed his eyes shut. I know, it said. I’ve got you. I love you. You can stay.

[sebsunset]

Creation, Both Haunted and Holy - CHAPTER 2!

I’ve been working on this thing for weeks straight, to make it as amazing as possible!

As always, I am dragging @muffinlance‘s AUs into my work

this is the angsty one :) yUP, the year-old au!

and don’t worry, i have another one in progress... also using a muffinlance- inspired au- one of the more obscure ones, i think!

Mother Hama is. Suspiciously nice to write, and very angsty

TRIGGERS: Graphic-ish descriptions of wounds and child abuse! Please beware, my dudes! Things will get better soon, but this is really really bad right now!

LINK: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25578904

OR, READ HERE :) 

In the moon’s light, an urutau-vulture screeches out its song, pure and eerie grief ringing out in the wind.

And that’s how Zuko’s mind briefly comes back to reality.

Awareness fading in and out with each breath he wheezes through.

With wakefulness, comes the purest of agonies. A mouth open, voice too hoarse to scream out for help.

The hot pain, all over him, the memories tugging at his head, the memories of-

The burning. A cleanse that felt so dirty, like-

Oh, the sheer smell of it-

Of him.

The smell of cooked meat is his.

He wheezes out a cough, remembers the time Mom had no servants to help her, and had asked Azula to light up the fire for them to cook.

He tries thrashing about, to get a good view.

Mom ought to be around there, around somewhere.

(Even if it’s been so long since she was last around.)

She must be there, somewhere he can’t see, maybe in the blurry shade of the trees. She will bring a bucket and cool water, and she will hold him and-

“W-Where’s mom?” he tries asking, to nothing, to no one.

But only one of his ears hear it, the raspy, damaged sound that he can hardly recognize as his own voice.

He tries to ask again, words broken, tear tracks he can only feel in one cheek.

The burning pain he struggles to breathe over.

He doesn’t know what happened, but he can’t move. Can’t do anything, nothing but begging for it to go away.

“Where?” his voice comes out, finally.

The pain in his throat finally registers with the blabbered words, and suddenly he feels like he’s been screaming for all too long.

I’m sorry, Larva, says the feeling of hands on him. I’m so sorry it came to this.

Ghostly hands that don’t quite hurt when they touch his left side.

There is no shadow to hold him, though.

He can’t remember what happened, but the questions come to his mind nonetheless.

Why does it hurt so much? Why is his arm numb, why can’t-

Go to sleep. I’ll keep you safe, little Vessel.

The voice is soft, warm.

And, as the moon sings her song, his brief moment of awareness fades off.

Only one eye closing, as he breathes out again.

Painful, laboral.

His last thought is that he hates it.

The tone in the voice.

It’s all too-

.

.

.

-

It’s in the way the moon sings, as the boy’s skin peels off.

It’s in the way he doesn’t let any infection set in.

Scabbing away as the days pass, as Vaatu tries to heal him.

But there’s a reason the two of them were together. Glued, some might say.

Possessed, united fully.

He is part of Zuko, he is his mind and he is confined, locked away from seeking any further help. Not while the boy is that hurt, not while he can’t be awake and alive on his own.

Were it not a tragedy of occasion, his tendency to lock himself in the tiniest confides would be quite entertaining to watch.

Maybe, were it not happening to him, of all creatures.

Truly, he has been reduced to cowering on corners, to being not much more than a shadow.

Was it selfish, to wish for freedom when he had given it up to save his Vessel?

The two of them had done it.

An Avatar State of their own volition.

A sacrilege against the nature of a human body, a way to twist and bend their souls, braided together into a necklace of rope.

He doesn’t want to tell his boy what happened.

What the two of them had done.

He was too young to know what their purpose really was.

What would happen next, once he managed to get Zuko awake for more than a few minutes, enough time for them to scavenge, to do anything?

But keeping him awake, at that moment, would be nothing short of insane.

Yes, he must change. But this is too painful. Vaatu can feel the pulsing, the infection begging to seep in, to eat away at their flesh.

The way the dead limb hangs limply, charred black. The way the damaged leg attracts flies, like a plate of fruit slathered in honey, only kept away by him.

Blisters that look like they could open into eyes, watch the world for them all.

And so, Vaatu brushes off the sickness, scares away the vermin.

Lets his presence seep through, for nothing can keep him from affecting the world, not even being tied so deeply to his vessel.

The woods grow around them, thick foliage, colorful flowers in the vines.

No other spirit to bless or curse them.

Just the lonesome pocket of the world to which Vaatu and his Vessel have gone.

He is the eye of the shadow, the chaos that lurks deep in that tiny, undisturbed piece of the world.

He is a warning to the creatures.

He warns the world to stay away, lest it feel his disruption. His returning strength, his effect on the world around them finally taking place again.

Now that they are united, he can see that they could easily become unstoppable.

Rotting limbs thrown into any position, blackened flesh still smelling like it's been cooked.

The way it all brews in the two of them is nauseating.

The sickness is in the bursts of consciousness, when the one eye that can close opens up, blurry from tears.

When his head faces up and he sobs, lonesome and in pain.

Vaatu tries keeping the pain at bay, even if just by lulling him to bed.

Their vengeance is yet to be completed.

Disaster will strike again, he will make sure of it.

He tries telling, he tries consoling.

We will come back, he says. Rest for now, their fate is incoming.

But he is just a voice in his head, the feeling of a ghost-limb that can't really pull back hair, brush away feverish sweat.

Even if their Vessel is growing more powerful, Vaatu feels as weak as he can be.

But, as consciousness slips away again, he can’t help but notice the way the world is shifting around them.

The way the rabbit-mice has started chasing the otter-fox.

It is a victory, but it feels wrong.

-

Unsteady feet, weight put all into one as Zuko drags himself up.

The pain is hot and hard, it almost drives away the overwhelming hunger.

He didn’t think it could get that bad.

It could be worse, Vaatu says, but his voice still sounds angry.

Maybe not at him, but angry nonetheless.

(Angry like-)

When coherency slips away from his mind, when the pain is too much, as each of his slow, measured hops grows more and more exhaustive, he feels something in him beg for destruction.

But he won’t.

In the same way that Vaatu won’t bring him food, in the same way he will stay quiet, never saying a word of what happened to him.

Zuko wants to proclaim that he isn’t forgiven, but for the moment, his focus is on the steps.

Barely more than hops, as his one useful hand hangs onto trees.

Bare feet, grass scratching up against the angry, still-bleeding skin.

The question is pressing, rubbing against the back of his mind, as he cries out and whines, intense pain barely dimmed.

How is he alive?

All firebenders are taught about the sheer power of their fire, about the great deeds and prowesses they can achieve.

About how much damage they can inflict upon their enemies, when they chose not to end their suffering.

It should be infected.

I am trying not to let that happen, Vaatu whispers in his head, like it's a secret, like saying it out loud will destroy their chances of it getting any better.

 He isn’t moving in the shadow.

“The left side feels green.” he says, barely noticing he’s speaking at all.

Sunlight streams in through the gaps in the foliage. The moon is going to rise up soon, and the world is orange and it all feels green.

Find help, the voice instructs. You need someone to help you.

“First, food.” he argues, hearing the rumbling of his stomach. “I mean- Where there is food, there are people.”

You make a surprisingly decent point, he says, and there ought to be some farmhouses around here.

Zuko shudders.

People watched back there, people saw his shame burned into skin, his last rite of passage.

His whining sounds pitiful to his own head, but he can’t make his mouth shut up.

Involuntary sounds, flinches and shudders, as he drifts through.

Tall grass scraping against his wound, every touch sending new jolts of it.

The gentle breeze, the falling petals of flowers, blown away by the wind.

All so gentle. The kind pulsing of the world’s fiery heart, a piece of peace in the battlefield of its little nations.

And all so, so very painful.

Maybe this tells more than it shows, but pain is hard to show through words, hard to show through barely coherent thoughts, by the mind of a child who had never been through such great agony before.

A bad leg that can’t sustain his weight much longer.

Tiny complaints amidst panting.

He feels like he is the only source of noise. The world is eerily still.

Holding its breath.

Zuko shudders, tree bark scraping at tiny hands.

He looks down on himself.

A foot half-blackened. White and violent red, all blistered and-

Cooked. Broken.

Zuko doesn’t look at his left arm.

He is all too broken, all too destroyed by the time he’s been through.

You aren’t, says the voice.

Scabs that peel away too easily, like they were never meant to form.

Droplets of blood calling for any animal. He is prey, and the world is so, so very much now.

The disorganization of the world doesn’t manage to feel quite right, quite how it should be.

Like someone’s disrupted it before, like they’ve re-organized the world into something it shouldn’t be.

Something hangs in the air, hidden but never overshadowed by the smell of his tracks.

Yes, deliberate.

They’re onto something, he realizes.

A pike of wood, somewhere from which a scarecrow once stood.

“A garden.” he says. “I think we’ve found a garden.”

Purring at the back of his head, his blurry eye half-focusing around him.

A bush at the entrance.

Calling to him.

Food.

It has to be food.

Overtaken by hunger, he can only see them.

The rest of the garden is just carrots, little beets and a cabbage or two.

Nothing that looks that sweet.

And so, Zuko drops down, hisses in pain and twitches about, before grabbing a handful of berries in his one hand.

Vaatu takes a minute too long to realize they’re the kind used to make rat poison.

-

Her abode is a humble one.

A tiny inn she’s set up, rooms rarely occupied.

Of course, she has other places for travelers to sleep in.

It’s her lair, made of damp wood, of floorboards that creak comfortably under her old feet. Of roofs that leak, of the smell of a harmless old person.

She has a thousand little closets, a million nooks and crannies.

Hidden memorabilia, memories she’s carved back up for herself.

All wheatered by rain and by soot, but kept clean and tidy, far away from the fire.

She didn’t have many clients, but she had more than enough time to tend to the ones she had.

And so she did, for a time.

She kept herself satisfied, working towards her goals day in and out.

Followed through with a routine, day in and day out. Cooked plenty for herself, made sure she had the energy to follow through with her tasks.

That night, she can feel the full moon.

A welcome presence above her, making the world pulse with her divinity.

She has blessed the woman with her presence, and so, that night, she will go…

Watch the moon.

It’s a nice way to talk about the indulgence in her favourite of all things.

When she can make the world malleable around her, when she can dance and sing, pulling at the strings that bind the world together.

She smiles, feels it pull at her eyes.

That night will be formidable, she thinks

With finality, she treks along.

Yet, she doesn’t feel alone.

How can she, when the full moon rises, making the world finally feel alive again?

 The leaves crackling under her feet as she strides, the roots and branches snapping under her like she is a mighty beast.

Remainders of the sun’s warmth slowly seeping out, Tui taking her rightful place in the throne of the sky.

Her court of stars, rising slow and steady in its march.

And the world is silent around her. She knows it ought to be gawking at her, the last of her kind.

“Oh?” comes out of her mouth, before she can even stop herself.

An ear strained out.

“What is that…” she tsk-s in amusement, looks around with a half-absent mind.

Just what poor creature dares it, to choke in her garden, to foam over the leaves of her poison, to die in Hama’s territory?

-

Wakefulness comes slowly.

 His brow furrows in confusion, only half his vision able to focus.

But he doesn’t need to.

All Zuko sees is darkness.

He shivers, suddenly hit with the sheer cold of the room.

It's eerie.

He doesn’t know where he is.

He lashes out, trashes about.

His feet burn. Tied together with rope.

There are no windows, the space cramped. The sickeningly sweet smell of mold, the only sound meeting his ears, his own panting.

Like a piece of bread that’s been left hanging around for all too long.

Something is wrong.

It’s in the way his tongue feels garbled when he tries to talk, it’s in the way he can’t quite move.

It’s in the involuntary twitching of a dead limb, that he can’t stop, even when it hurts.

He can’t sit up, wouldn’t even if the dizziness would let him.

Vessel, are you okay? comes to his head.

Why didn’t you stop me, he tries asking. Where are we? Why are we here?

There are no little hands in the shadows, no feeling of a ghost hand touching him.

But the pain is dulled, pushed back.

Cloaked.

“Where am I?” he looks around. “Va-Voice, where are we?”

Someone brought us here, Larva. Get up,  I’m curious.

“Then move on your own.” he spits. “I’m tied up. Stupid.”

Regret makes him shake his head, but Vaatu is too old to hold up a grudge.

I can’t. We are united now, Larva. We are one in the same, and wherever you go, I go too.

“Chained?” he remembers. Like he is. Stuck, chained.

Chained. But fret not, my Larva, for stagnation will not come back to us. For now, though, you shall recover your energies.

A groan, as he lifts his hand, swipes a bug from his brow.

You sound like Uncle goes unsaid, but leaves the taste of bile on his mouth nonetheless.

Shudders, head shakes. The feeling of strands of patchy hair brushing against his shoulder.

He may not be alone, but there's no armor, no protection.

Zuko shivers, suddenly cold.

A part of him would give anything for that surge of power, for the feeling of the elements at his will, ready to be summoned up, to be harnessed and used as he deems fit.

For anything that can protect him, even with the collateral damage.

He can’t do anything, but he struggles to turn to his side nonetheless, to crawl out of the pile of rags that was his bed.

He can’t get up, so he drags his body along, pulls it slowly.

A trail of blood from his left side, scraped against the floorboards.

Dragged by his hand, whining and growling.

He can’t untie himself, no matter how much he tries.

Some kind of different knot - intricate, woven tight.

Vaatu guides him slowly, words that barely register to his mind.

Nausea, the feeling of ants crawling at the tips of his fingers as he drags himself to the door.

Get to the door - away from the fabric, it burns too easily - and then you can burn through the rope.

And suddenly, he wants to scream.

“I’m not burning myself. Shut up!” he plops onto his right side, drool pooling at the left corner of his mouth.

Beyond his control.

You know how to control the heat. It wouldn’t hurt. It's like pulling a bandage.

“Shut up.” he tries screaming, but his voice comes off hoarse.

… I apologize. I understand your fear, Vessel.

“I’m not forgiving you.”

I won’t let you stagnate for long, but feel free to stand your ground for a few more days.

“I’ll give you a week.” A bit of snark, that comes off soft.

A dry chuckle that breaks through the darkness.

He rolls his eyes, but can’t bring a smile up. He knows it would hurt. It would sting on his face, it would pull at the burns.

He reaches the door, struggles onto his knees, pulls at the handle.

Rattled, shaken, pulled and pushed with the feeblest of strengths.

Breaths growing quicker, as the weight of what he had done sets onto his shoulders.

Oh, what he did-

You should’ve eaten your vegetables, comes out as a light-hearted attempt, falling so very short.

“Shut up.” he wants to yell, because he’s locked in a strange home and oh Agni-

It’s dawning on him, slowly and steadily, just what he did.

Just what happened.

He hurt them.

(He did much worse.)

Falls to the floor. Looks at his one hand.

Now only one. Covered with little burns, old marks of his failures set onto his wrists. Little reminders of hands that were once there.

His breath, puffing out as smoke in the dark, cold room.

And suddenly, tears are falling down onto his hand.

(Father did that.)

No voice to comfort him. Nothing but the oppressiveness of his lonesome state.

Zuko wants to drown in tears, but his left eye refuses to cry, his bony body refuses to shake with sobs just yet.

So he just shrinks in there, holds himself close through the pain, pretends someone else is there to hold him.

"W-why?" He asks, feeling only half of his mouth move.

Words coming out garbled, blabbered through tears.

No answer comes, and he feels all alone.

He is a big boy, he wants to remind himself.

A big boy indeed, and that's why he cries and cries and cries, ignoring how the hollow place of the moon is soon filled by Agni’s eye.

-

The walks back home tend to be a less than exciting ordeal.

Oh, of course there's glee. Catharsis, even.

But lately, there’s some more than that. There’s the weight of the years on her shoulders, the soreness on her legs, the ache engraved deep into her bones.

That’s the vengeance of her people, of the men and women slain, torn down from the inside, overtaken by insanity.

She was meant to do it. It was why the art had come to her, it was why she had mastered it.

To bring down the rain of vengeance.

Nonetheless, that particular walk was made through with a quicker step, with a less vengeful head.

She had spent so long hurting, and the ones who hurt were the ones who learned how to heal the best.

She knew where to make it ache, and she had studied plenty of how to heal before.

(Kanna and her, studying scrolls that would be burned less than a day later, until late at the night.

Listening to the tribe's men sing and dance around the campfire, laughing and betting. Rolling their eyes, t hey healed eachother with little kisses by the moonlight, as Hama listened to Tui's song, to the calling of the full moon.

And with her friend's mittened hand in hers, she closed her eyes and felt the warm pulse of a world suddenly coming to life.

In the night's light, the cold wind whipping against their warm bodies, they danced together.

A dance that would soon turn into brisk movements, into desperate jabs.

But, at the moment and to that very day, the times before were painted with a rose-tinted glass.)

What mattered was that she had a patient, someone hurt as badly as she once was.

A son of ash and soot, a child with an eye burned open, blinded but still moving.

A child whose mere existence, whose life was astounding to her. How could that little thing keep going, how could he crawl to her and lay by her grassbed?

A little creature that proved her either insane or lucky enough to have a spirit in her hands.

He was going to be useful, she had decided when she found him foaming at the mouth, turning and twisting, rubbing dirt all over the open wound.

She’d cleaned him up, she had left him a nice little room, for an ashmaker that had yet to pay her back.

He would be grateful, that was certain.

And she’d seen first hand, how gratitude could destroy a man. Break down his flesh, make him bow and worship like a dog.

(She'd stood, suspended in her cell, watching an affair below.

The guard with bright yellow eyes, a glint like that of golden daggers, pointed towards her favorite prisoner.

A young woman, barely more than a girl.

She was from a neighboring tribe. Beautiful button nose and plump lips, bowing down low, foreign words slipping off her tongue.

She was meant to sing to the moon and the sea, but she sung their tribe’s songs upon anyone’s request. Danced as well as she could, tied up in chains.

A slap to the back of her head, something in the dirty ashmaker's speech.

A correction, two apologies delivered in a low bow.

Forgiveness in the form of a plump bowl of jook and not much else.)

Her garden blooms around her.

What little use she could make of the soil there. Little plants, poisonous berries. Nothing too beautiful or lavish. She was just a humble old woman, afterall.

She’d been nice, asked around the village. Seeds, some tools. She was sweet and defenseless, and nobody ever dared suspect her to her face.

The village had never been a tribe.

And the house she lived in had always been just that. A house. Some might stretch it and call it a lair.

Not quite a home, as much as she tries to keep it cold, to make it feel like one when she closed her eyes, and look like one when she dared open them up.

That place is still a land of fire. Lava below her, the sun all too hot, not a single break in his wicked reign.

She misses the polar winters. They’d always been so good for weeding out the weak and the fiery alike.

Perhaps her glasses are tinted blue, contrasting all too sharply against the blood-red of that place.

But the point still stands in her mind. That place is no real home.

It doesn't have the foundations to be one.

It doesn't have the people to make it one.

There’s no Kana or Panuk or any of the children running about. There is no tribe to embrace her, no new stories to tell around the campfire. No dealings with the neighbors, and no polar-bear sled dogs to lead to the market every month.

There’s only the oppressive loneliness of a single person lost in the sea of snakes.

But for now, she can rejoice in the luxury of a new toy. One that can be mended, sewn and filled up with the truth. A child of ash, all hers.

(Malleable as the water she’d once sculpted into ice.)

Slow footsteps, steady smile. A bit of excitement, despite the bits of a lazy cat in her demeanor.

The doors of the inn, all open and empty.

Until the locked closet.

It’s their smallest room. It’s perfect for someone that small, that frail.

A plant left in a pot too big will soon spread, grow out of control.

If he grows up well enough, if his leaves twist and bend and his roots stretch out as he tries to reach the sun, she will put him on a leash.

Hama had been wanting something to keep her entertained.

-

He sobs and heaves and nearly vomits once or twice.

Snot and bile, no comfort, no caress.

Not a word amidst the fit. Nothing that he can hear, nothing that can make itself noted in his mind.

His body hurts, but there is no infection to take him away, to lend him a hand.

He can’t think straight. Repulse fills his throat whenever he thinks of himself, whenever he opens his eye for enough time to truly see himself.

And he can’t do this, he thinks.

Like any child does, he slips into a spiral, falls down and down.

Thoughts swirling in his head, screams that his throat can't force out.

Until something breaks through, snaps him out of it.

The sound of a door creaking open.

A tiny stream of the morning’s light drifts into the room, so gentle yet so bright, revealing dust that doesn’t quite form bunnies and mold growing on the walls of a cramped closet.

The decrepit coldness is suddenly accentuated, with the gentle warmth that hits his back.

He shudders, suddenly, as the light is taken away.

When he turns, a figure stands, back-lit in the doorway.

Old and hunched, his blurry eyes barely able to focus on anything but her kind smile.

He turns to her, ready to question why she left his legs tied up, why she locked him there, how long he'd been alone, what she wants to do now-

“Are- Are you-” he tries stuttering out a question, but suddenly, he realizes he doesn’t know just what he wants to ask.

She comes closer, looks down upon him.

“Bow down and ask, young one.” she says, gently. “Be respectful of this old woman, won’t you?”

Vaatu growls at the back of his head, and, for a second, he forgets that his friend is simply locked inside his mind, with no real effect on the world once they’re not alone.

So, he breathes in deep, pretends there’s nothing wrong inside him.

And drops down in a rigit bow, so the kind woman won’t burn him.

“I am Hama. Who are you?” a cane pokes his burnt side, the arm that’s no longer there.

Deep breath. He knows who he is, and so will she.

“I’m Zuko. Son of-”

“Nobody.” she says. The harsh word startles him, slipped in such a gentle voice. “Not anymore. Not after what happened to you.”

He tries again.

“Zuko, son of P-”

A poke from the cane, right in a blister. He flinches and hisses, unable to stop himself.

“You are a son of nobody.” she says, her voice sweet as the smell of moldy grain. “After all that must’ve happened to you, it’s better as that. Poor thing.”

That silence lasts for a few seconds, before her voice returns, kinder, to his sight of nothing but fetid floorboards.

 “Now, young one, tell me, what have they done to you?”

He won’t say. He won’t speak out again.

Not when Vaatu hisses, pure in his anger, taking over his head.

“Don’t you think you owe me that, after all I’ve helped you with?” a cane pokes his head, gently thumping against his skull. No real intention for pain, not on his bad side.

He gulps down something.

A single tear hits his lip, salty against the bitterness in his mouth.

Why does he cry? Why do the tears betray his mind, why does his gut feel so raw?

“I- I was burned.” he says.

“That I can see.” she says, gently. “Now come on, darling. I must know your affliction to heal you.”

“I was burned and banished.” he says. Words spilling out dirty and fetid and spat out like falling teeth.

But he tells no more. Hopefully, she won't see any tales of spirits, any curses or blessings to destroy.

(What if she wants to cleanse him, too?)

“Oh, dear.” she says, voice perfect in compassion.

Be careful, Vessel, Vaatu says in his head. His voice no longer a hiss, just a thought at the back of his mind. Do not trust her. Do not.

“That is very unfortunate.” she says. “Then, you aren’t Zuko, are you? As a banished boy, you have no name.”

“I- I still have my honor.” is the only defense he can give her.

And she laughs.

It would be warm, infectious as any other disease, were it not happening at that moment, when he felt raw and when his vulnerability was so easy to turn into anger.

“I am Hama, and you are Nobody.”

This is the point where the scene should end. Here, it should all fade away to silence, to maybe a sob or two, a twitch or whine at his own discomfort, until he is instructed to get up.

But please, remember just who we are talking about.

Nothing ends when or how it should, down here.

“B-But-” he tries stammering out, his heart thundering in his chest. His voice can’t come out as a scream, but it tries.

Maybe, a part of him thinks, his voice will be heard then.

She pokes him again, straight at the ribs.

“Nobody.” she says. “Nobody, with that attitude.”

If only she knew, he wanted to say.

Be nobody, Vaatu whispers, locked inside his head.

Zuko wants to fight. He wants to bite and gnash and destroy, to bend and twist and fall upon that state again, that state that made him-

“Not nobody,” he says. “I- I’ll prove to you. I’m not nobody. I swear on my honor.”

He can feel her smile.

“Son of nobody, then.” she says. “But make good on that promise, please.”

Hissing in his head, he looks up.

Tap, straight at a hollowed-out cheek.

“Stay down.” she says. “The light might hurt your eyes, so keep down low, son. I’ll get you something to eat.”

-

[thatsgay-writes]

Kya x Reader

Summary: You help Kya fight Zaheer but get injured.

Warning: Light cursing?

You had been friends with Kya since you were kids, considering the fact that you were Zuko's youngest child. You hadn't gained feelings for Kya til you were about 20 but by then she had been pursuing someone else. So you kept your feelings on the back burner and you thought she was way out of your league. You also never said anything because you didn't want her to have to wait around for you, with you being gone for long periods of time, considering you weren't the first born, you became a general in the Fire Nation army. Of course, Izumi knew all about your not so little crush and would tease you about it whenever you came home to visit.

But now, you had retired at the age of 52, gave your title over to your nephew and worked as a Lin's right hand man in the Republic City police force. After harmonic convergence and the finding of new air benders, you took some time off to spend time with Pema, the kids, and Kya, who were on Avatar Island with some new air benders. You had been going for a late night walk when you heard the sound of fighting. You ran to see Kya fighting an air bender. "What's going on!?" "It's Zaheer!" Kya yells in response, causing you to immediately join in on the fight. You start throwing fire to try and overwhelm Zaheer. You relax when the White Lotus guards get there, even though they barely make a difference. (Honestly though the White Lotus are trash now, they get beaten way too easily.) Zaheer knew to escape he had to get you and Kya out the way. Over the past few days, Zaheer has noticed the glances the two of you give each other when the other isn't looking. Yes, a criminal like him figured it out before you and Kya did.

After being thrown against the outside wall of the house for the third time, you were a little out of it and dazed. Using this to Zaheer's advantage he air bended you over the cliff causing Kya to pause. "If you don't let me leave I will drop them." Kya could see that you were still out of it and dropped the water she had been bending. "Please just put them down and you can leave." Zaheer smirked at her statement, "Okay." Is all he said before he put you down, while still having you over the cliff. "Y/N!" Kya yelled as she ran towards the cliff, completely ignoring Zaheer who had taken off as soon as he dropped you. As soon as Kya got to the edge of the cliff she watched you hit the ground. "NO!" Is what you heard right after hitting the ground. You had been out of it while falling but as soon as you hit the ground, you felt all your air leave your body. Your eyes became wide as you struggled to get your breath back, while ignoring the pain in you back and head at the same time. When you finally did get your breath back, you barely noticed that you were being dragged through the sand. You get placed in the water with your face floating just above the water, the salt water making the wound on your head hurt 100 times more.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry this was the closest water around." Kya just keeps repeating as you cry, her own tears making her vision blurry. By the time Kya had done everything she could, the White Lotus and Pema were down on the beach. The White Lotus had a stretcher and a boat ready to take you to the hospital in Republic City. By the time your half way across the sea to Republic City,  you feel everything become sluggish. You were honestly surprised you had been awake still, but now could feel yourself about to pass out. "K..." The feeling of exhaustion washing over you faster and faster. "Kya..." Kya heard you call her name and rushed over to you as fast as she could. "Yeah Y/n? Do you need anything?" You just give her a dopey smile and respond with, "mm tire..." That makes Kya's eyes widen in fear. "Hey, your not allowed to go to sleep yet okay. I need you to stay awake for me, can you do that?" You go to nod your head but cringe in pain at the movement. Kya sighs, "Just hold on a little longer y/n."

You ended up passing out in the middle of being examined. The doctor's face had been somber when he went to the lobby to give the news that you were in a coma and they had no idea when you would wake up. Hearing this caused Kya to immediately start sobbing and think about the what ifs. Pema pulled Kya into her to try and give her any sense of comfort she could but Kya just felt sad and numb.

Month 1 was probably the hardest for Kya. It was hard to not see your face around the air temple or hear you make a joke every 10 minutes. Kya wasn't really big on meditating or praying to spirits but a week after you had been in a coma, she made it a daily ritual.

Month 2 had Kya reading the letters you had sent her during your deployments all those years ago, when you were still a 20 year old ready to prove yourself to the world. Kya never told you that she had saved your letters, a little embarrassed by the fact. But what she didn't know is that you had saved hers too and read them whenever things got hard.

Month 3 Kya came to a realization while visiting you one day. She loved you. She couldn't tell when she figured it out or if she had known for longer and just didn't let herself accept it til recently but she knew now that she loved you. Maybe it was the fact that you were so close and yet so far. Sure you had gone months without talking before but this was different.

By month 6, everyone was trying to get her to move on. Everyone knew that the chance of you waking up now were 0, only Kya believed that you would wake up. She did relent though and went on 1 date with Lin, it had been a blind date and she wouldn't have gone if she knew it was Lin (because y'all are best friends and work together). Instead of treating it like a date, they both spent a night sharing stories about you, Kya's from when you were young and what you would tell her in your letter, while Lin would tell you about how you would catch criminal and how you managed to bust a ring of illegal animal trading on accident.

After saying bye to Lin, Kya had decided to pay you a visit before going back to Avatar Island. She walked right into the hospital and to your room, everyone on staff knew her by that point as she was the only one that came to visit anymore. Everyone else stopped coming after month 3. Kya did her usual routine of sitting down in a chair next to your bed and telling you about her week. When that was done she stared at you for a little before crying. "Please y/n. Everyone else has given up but I haven't. I need you to wake up so I can tell you how I feel, so we can grow older together. Just please give me a sign that your still in their somewhere."

The squeeze she felt was so small, she thought she had made it up to make herself feel better. But when it came back again, stronger, she sat up straighter and held your hand tighter. "Come on y/n one more time." She needed to know her mind wasn't playing tricks on her. She found out it wasn't when your eyes suddenly open and you sit up gasping for air, before taking the tube out of your throat. "Oh my spirits." Kya mumbled as she rushed out the door, noting that it was still night time she sprinted to the nurses desk. "Oh my spirits! Y/n is awake!" The nurses eye widen in shock before calling a doctor straight to your room.

Kya had wanted to tell you how she felt as soon as you had woken up but waited. She knew the next month or two was going to be hard on you. You had always been so strong but now that you had lost most of your muscle mass, you were like a twig. Kya knew you were gonna be super focused to get back to where you were before your coma and was their every step of the way. When you were confined to a wheel chair, Kya was there. When you went to the South Pole to have Katara help you learn how to walk again, Kya was there. When you went to the Fire Nation to surprise your family and strengthen your fire bending again, Kya was there.

Now that all that was over Kya could finally tell you how she feels. But now she had no idea how to do it. So instead of panicking, she wrote a letter just like you two use to do before you retired. She was honestly super nervous, especially since you still had two more days left in your trip and it would be awkward if you didn't feel the same way. So she knocked on your door, dropped the letter, and ran. You were confused when you opened the door before seeing a piece of paper on the floor. It was a letter and from the handwriting, you could tell it was Kya who had sent it. Not wasting anytime, you opened it and read its contents. You were shocked to say the least.

Banging on the door thirty minute after dropping off the letter was not what Kya expected. It could be one of two things going on; one, something is wrong with the ship or two, you had come to respond about her letter. Her heart started beating harder at the second option and started praying it was the first. When she opened the door your first was mid-air and ready to knock again, the letter was slightly crumpled from you gripping it so tightly, and you looked like you were on a mission. At first Kya took this as anger and was ready to apologize, "I'm--" She couldn't even get out two words before you barged into the room, shut the door behind you, pushed her against the wall and kissed her like you had been wanting to do for the last twenty something years. Kya was in shock and before she could kiss back, you pulled back to get some air.

"I love you too."

[sciencesideanswers]

how many parts have to be added on to a human for them to be considered part cyborg? would strapping a tablet onto your arm make you part cyborg, or would you have to attach it permanently? Would a cyborg eye instead of a glass eye make you part cyborg? what if the cyborg eye is removable? sorry, i have a lot of questions

These are important questions! The ones that define what it means to be human and what it means to be … machine?

Anyways, to make a long story short: there is no clear and definite answer.

To start with, there are different interpretations of what it means to be a cyborg. To some people, you need to have a permanent body part made of technology to be considered one (which would give a clear answer to your question), but some others consider that we are already there, except that instead of body parts, we rely on technology in our day to day, enhancing our abilities and extending our lives -- hence, we are all already cyborgs.

But also, what about the digital life: do you consider your digital presence an extension of who you are? Even if it doesn’t have your name, your real-picture avatar, your physical presence, it’s still a part of you that impacts you and others, so in a sense, it is you. Is that digital presence a way of interaction with others only possible because of technology? The answer is yes, and so far, it would not be enough to consider yourself a cyborg (imagine a cat pawing at a tablet: not a cyborg). But because it’s part of your life and how you experience it, it might be part of you too. So… very debatable. This whole discussion is under the umbrella term of Cyborg Anthropology, something still quite new and under debate.

There have been humans that had taken the extra step, like Neil Harbisson, who had an antenna implanted on him to “hear” colors, and is now able to sense more colors than the regular human. You will find him mentioned as the first “official” cyborg, but I couldn’t find any good explanations of what made it official, aside from the government allowing him to have his implant in his passport photo.

Rob Spencer is another one ([1], [2]), who lost one of his eyes and replaced it with a video camera.

It is very clear that we would call them “cyborgs” -- but there are lots of biohacking techniques that fall in the blurry line on whether it is not so clear.

And finally, you have people that make use of medical devices, for therapeutic, cosmetic or enhancing reasons. I myself use glasses almost 24/7 -- am I a cyborg because I rely on technology to enhance a sense that nature didn’t give me? What about people with cochlear implants? What about Oscar Pistorious, the “Blade Runner”, who using blade-style prosthetic legs had an olympic-level running ability? As a paper on Deaf Culture and Cyborg politics puts it: “It is impossible to reduce Cyborg politics to any clear position” ([3] [4])

One last thing: there are several futurists like Ray Kurzweil, that claim that this distinction will later fade away ([5]). We will call all of us “humans”, and will pay no further attention to whether there is technology inside us or not, similar to how we don’t pay much attention to whether we’re surrounded by technology in our cities.

In my personal opinion: everything that you said would make yourself a cyborg. So cyborg away!

– Alpha

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[pixel-fried-shoestrings]

Tag 11 people you’d like to get to know better!

I was tagged by @jadeplumbob and @prima-rina! Thank you so much to the both of you <3. I have never been tagged for anything so this is super exciting! <3333333

dogs or cats? Dogs! I have a 9 year old English lab. Wrigley, my baby. Who grouns when he eats and always wants to cuddle. But honestly I like anything floofy!

youtube celebrities or normal celebrities? Can I say both. I feel like we fall in love with youtubers because of their personalities. But regular celebrities are more of a cinematic experience that most youtubers wouldn’t be able to duplicate.

if you could live anywhere where would be? Somewhere in the mountains. Remote. Off the grid where you are just continuously surrounded by the nature that cities have forgotten existed.

Disney or DreamWorks? Disney, I like the star Wars. Love all the aliens and species in the films. I was a swtor mmo player for a long time because of it. Yes I am letting the nerd out of the closet! :D

favorite childhood tv show(s)? Duck tales the movie. Rescue Rangers, Tailspin.Oh and Winnie the poo “The land of milk and honey movie” We were poor and only had movies lol

the movie you’re looking forward to most in 2020? David Copperfeild, Mulan, Artimes Fowl, I was super excited about Zombieland 2 that just came out! I haven't seen it yet. The new mutuants look pretty darn cool too.

favorite book you read in 2019? Hmm. I haven't had a chance to read a lot this year. I’ve been so busy. But “Red Rising’ By peirce Brown was AMAZING I could not put it down. Like a dystopian hunger games. That is just uuugggg soo good. I am going to read it again now!! lol

marvel or dc? I like characters from both but Dc: Green lantern, Flash, and Green Arrow. Of course Batman and all their amazing villians. Poison Ivy. Pengin. 

if you choose marvel favorite member of the X-men? if you choose DC favorite justice league member? He’s not a member, but I love The penguin. I do think Aqua man is pretty cool though all in all. He’s a little but of both the villain and the hero.

night or day? So I wake up for my job at like 4 something in the morning, and I tend to walk up generally pretty early on my days off because of that. But I am a night owl all the way. I will get some stuff done after 8 pm! LOL

favorite Pokémon? Oh man I remember when pokemon just came out. I loved Ninetails, but the last evalution. Cubone was cute. But I think out of the total original was squirtal

Top 5 Bands? This one is hard. Cuz I love me some songs. Hmmmm ones I cant live without. Queen. Freddy Mercury is a musical genious. I love me some Bruno Mars. Blink 182, Green Day. Red Hot chilli peppers, Lady Gaga. The eagles.  Rush and some Phil collins. Disturbed, Korn. Yeah my musical tastes are everywhere. Basically anything that bops.

top 10 books? 1. The City of Bones 2. Red Rising Series 3. Divergent Series 4. Harry Potter 5. Anything Kresley Kole Paranormal romance. 6. Angels and demons by dan brown. 7. Karen Marie Monings Fever Series. (AMAZING.) 8. Gena Showalter The darkest touch and that series. 9. Planet Urth series (AMAZING) 10. The dragon riders of pern. 11. Eragon Series 12. Throne of glass (AMAZING LOL no really good.) 13. Children of Eden

top 4 movies? 1. Memoirs of a Geisha, Inception, Gangs of New York. Avatar, Zombieland, The fifth Element, Looper was cool too. Minority Report

america or europe? Id say both. Ive never seen Europe. So until I do I can’t say ^.^

tumblr or twitter? Tumblr I’ve never used anything else.

pro-choice or pro-life? Pro-choice

favorite youtuber? Daz Games, Joey Garceffa, and Devon Bumpkin

favorite author? Kresley Kole. Her whole immortals after dark series is amazing. It’s paranormal romance though (Mature ;) only though.)

tea or coffee? I love tea but lately Ive need caffine (Coffee) and my skin hates it.

OTP? Jack and Rose on the titanic. But come one she could have scooted over a little. 

do you play an instrument/ sing ? I used to play the flute, I was in marching band. This one time, at band camp..... no. I haven't played since then but I wish I never gave it up. I was pretty good!

Yes, I cannot deny the amount of geekiness in this post. But I embrace it.I am sorry I have not done this sooner. My grandfather has been very sick in the hospital, so thank you to you too for thinking of me. I needed this. <3 

I tag @gerbithats @geeky-simz @ladykendalsims @prismaticpixels @vapidsims @gladlypants @blurri-sim-kid @oasiscreek @pxelbeans @guapogato @reecey-v @sikasims

[atypicalkataangist]

Sharing Secrets

Type: Oneshot [Family] Summary: Kya opens up to her family. Word count: 1204 Author’s note: Hey guys! :) Thanks so much for the amazing feedback by @sapphicloudbender and @kristallioness on my latest fanfiction, I’m glad you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I love to see some written feedback and I’d love to discuss your ideas about their childhood with you! (more about that in this post’s appendix) There’s little we know for sure, but that’s not gonna stop us, right? Feel free to share your headcanon with me if you want! :)

 I’m not quite sure why, but I have those ideas popping into my head lately and I just HAVE to write them down. It’s a lot of fun :D That’s what happened today while I was sitting on the bus, so I used the time to write about one of the probably most important moments in Kya’s young life. I hope you enjoy :) Oh, Part 2 of “Daughter’s Day” will be the next post, I didn’t plan on posting another oneshot directly after Part 1.

The sun had set when Bumi marched through the halls of his home, coming straight from the kitchen. He took a handful of grapes for dessert, tossing them into his mouth while he went back to his room. He began to whistle - pure luck that he didn't overhear the calm noises in his sister's room that he had just passed. He stopped when he heard his little brother speaking calmly, and... someone sobbing? Was Kya crying?

"It's okay, Kya.", his ten year old brother said to his sister, muffled through the door, "I'm sure they'll understand. I mean, it's Mom and Dad."

"You really think so?", she whispered.

"Absolutely."

Bumi would've lied if he said that he wasn't curious. He loved to put his nose into things that weren't any of his business, but this was his sister after all. He cared about her well being, too. Even though they got into a lot of fights, the last thing he wanted was seeing her upset.

"Wh...what about Bumi?", she stuttered.

He didn't want to eavesdrop. If there was something to be said, He wanted to hear it face to face.

"What about me?", he said calmly, entering his sister's room. She was sitting on the bed, totally teared up, with a terrified expression on her face. Their little brother was sitting next to her, supporting her by gently stroking her upper arm and smiling at her. He looked completely calm, warmly winking at his big brother, beckoning him to come closer. Sometimes Bumi couldn't believe how wise and mature Tenzin acted. He was the youngest of the bunch with only ten years, yet he was the most responsible one of them. Bumi was eighteen now and was about to join the united forces in a few weeks, but he couldn't even get his own laundry done.

"Kya, everything alright?", he spoke clearly irritated, taking place on her right side on the bed, looking at her quite worriedly.

"Bumi, I..."

"Go on.", Tenzin whispered encouragingly, meeting his worried sister's gaze with his grey eyes, still smiling at her.

"I... I met someone."

Bumi's eyes widened. "Really? Finally! My little sister's got a boyfriend!", he cheered with a growing smile on his face, while her expression only darkened.

"Not... Not quite, Bumi.", she coaxed.

"Whaddaya sayin'?"

"You know Su Lin?"

"From your pro bending team? Yeah, sure."

She slightly nodded. "It... it's her."

Realization finally hit him. "K...Kya, are you saying..."

She wanted to look her big brother in the eyes, but didn't dare to raise her head. She barely nodded before tears shot up to her eyes again. "Sorry.", she croaked.

"Whoa, Whoa, Kya, it's alright. Nothing to be sorry about!"

Her cerulean eyes met her brother's, and a glimpse of hope managed to escape. "You... you really think so?"

Bumi grinned the smile he inherited from his father, wide and goofy and sweet. "Come on, Kya. I think it's cool. I mean, Avatar Kyoshi liked girls too, right?"

"Really?" She seemed legitly surprised.

"Yep. So I wouldn't worry about Dad. He did the same thing in a former life, after all.", he laughed. Bumi maybe wasn't so comfortable with sentimental stuff, but he always tried his best to ease up uncomfortable situations with humour.

"You... you don't think Mom and Dad will get angry, do you?"

"What, are you kidding?", Bumi asked serious while carefully rubbing her left shoulder to make her feel better. "Mom loves you more than anything, no matter what."

"I hope so... but what about Dad? I'm his only daughter..."

"Like I said. Past life." He paused for a second after realizing that she wasn't in mood for jokes right now. "Come on, are you really worried Dad will get mad with you?"

"All Dad wants is for us to find our own path.", their little airbender brother threw in, "And if that's the way you want to do it, he will support you, I guarantee that, Kya. Daddy loves us more than enough to respect our own decisions."

Damn, that kid definitely inherited his father's wisdom.

Kya seemed to calm down a little bit, her tears slowly stopping. "Thank you, guys.", she mumbled, hugging her little brother while leaning into her big brother's embrace. "Your support means so much to me, really."

Bumi played it cool again and shrugged. "I think it's cool."

Tenzin nodded. "Are you ready to tell Mom and Dad now?"

"Don't worry, we got your back. But seriously though. You've got nothing to worry about."

It took the boys a bit to persuade her to tell their parents now. They were right though; better rip off the the bandaid at once to get over with it quickly.

Aang and Katara sat in the living room; Aang was meditating and Katara read over a few documents.

"Mom? Dad?" She entered the room alone, with Bumi and Tenzin waiting in the hallway, listening to everything that was about to be said. She knew they were there, that was the important part. Her brothers had her back.

"Hey, sweetie", Katara greeted her daughter when she entered the room, "everything okay?" Aang broke with his meditation, opening his eyes, smiling warmly at his teenage daughter.

"Well, yeah, but I gotta tell you something..." She was still really, really nervous. Her heart beat was through the roof.

"What is it, honey?", her mother asked worried, laying down the scroll that she was reading. Aang got up from his meditation pose and came closer to his daughter.

"I...", she took a few deep breaths. "I'm in love, Mom and Dad."

Both of their faces lightened up simultaneously, and Aang reached out to hug his daughter. "Really? Oh sweetie, that's great!", he exclaimed while holding his daughter's hands for a moment. Katara got up from the sofa now. "Congratulations, sweetie! Who is it?"

She closed her eyes and took one last deep breath. She was strong. She wouldn't cry.

"It's Su Lin. A... a girl from my bending team", she said, feeling proud for the first time saying it out loud. Her gaze met her father's.

 He remained silent for a split second, his face giving away no emotion at all. Then, he seemed legitly surprised, but after that, said expression in his face faded away and revealed a warm, loving smile which made her feel light as a feather. A smile only her father could give her to let her know that everything was alright. He hugged her firmly, kissed her temple and whispered into her ear. "I'm so happy for you, sweetie. And I'm really, really proud of you."

Her mother didn't say anything, but she didn't need to. Kya could see her mother standing there while being in her father's embrace. Katara's tender and loving expression said everything that needed to be said.

"I love you, sweetie. No matter what."

Everything became all blurry out of the sudden. Damnit. She was crying again. 

Appendix

I hope you liked it :) This is at least how I think it happened. As far as I know, everything that Kya says to Korra and Asami in “Turf Wars” is, that Aang was “nothing but supportive” when she came out to him. Seriously though, at least the writers didn’t make Aang a homophobic monster besides being a neglectful father. And @sapphicloudbender I agree, probably they sounded so frustrated because a feeling of general bitterness stays more in mind than many small but good moments in life. However, they actually say that he made special trips just with Tenzin and let’s not forget that he wrote a book about the whole Avatar Universe JUST for five year old Tenzin.

I think it would’ve been totally comprehensible and interesting to establish in the show that Aang had difficulties balancing his duties as the Avatar, founder of Republic City, last airbender and father. But the way they executed it was unjustified. I don’t expect them to be the perfect family (well, in my stories they are, but that’s my personal headcanon, I know that it’s not realistic at all) in the show, but portraying Aang like an asshole who constantly shoves away two of his children was just wrong.

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Houseki no Kuni 3 - 6 | Girls’ Last Tour 3 - 6 | Boueibu OVA | Netjuu no Susume 6 | Juuni Taisen 7 | Mahoutsukai no Yome 6

Apparently there’s a bonus if you watch until the end of the 5th ep of Netjuu no Susume…I’ve seen it, or else I wouldn’t be telling you it exists.

I’ve rolled out the simulcast commentary tags for the seasonal shows that don’t have tags yet (aside from Netjuu no Susume’s replacement when that time comes).

Plus, as you can see in the title…there’s the Boueibu OVA in this bundle of notes, for completion’s sake.

Houseki no Kuni 3

That snail sure is a lively thing.

Really? A poop joke? Well, that’s one way to rub Phos’s new state into Dia’s face.

…welp, not much to talk about this time, I guess.

Houseki no Kuni 4

What the heck? The snail has a type???

This OP is lovely. Its best aspect is the visuals, though. It sounds kind of plain compared to even Saturday Night Question (Netjuu no Susume).

That snail makes a nice wig for Master Kongo, doesn’t it?

I’m listening to this show for the first time, and Phos uses “boku”, interestingly enough.

The snail's urge to go back to its home in the sea reminds me that lots of Chinese people go back to their country for Chinese New Year. I wonder if the same sentiment is involved in both instances?

The ED is nice, but not as good as the OP.

Houseki no Kuni  5

Watermelon? I feel sorry for the gem which has that name.

Ahh! These jellyfish are cute (and practical)!

“No getting all weak-kneed now!” – Says Phos, who’s got legs potentially harder than their body.

Houseki no Kuni 6

Trust exercises. I did some with some members of my anime club once. (Haha.)

I noticed the spikes were blue, so they might be Sapphire. It’s kind of like Rabbit’s necromantistry (Juuni Taisen), but…in a slightly different form.

Girls’ Last Tour 3

Kanazawa???? *thinks about King’s Game, where the protag and the author share the surname Kanazawa*

There’s some extremely glaring CGI during this episode. For a moment, you can discern Chi’s made of CGI while in her Kettenkrad.

Please don’t ship the grown man with the loli.

That’s some grim humour they attempted with Kanazawa. Kinda like Zetsubou-sensei (Nozomu Itoshiki).

Boueibu OVA

I almost wasn’t going to cover this, because it’s an OVA, but hey, why not make an exception? This may be the last time we Boueibu fans can talk about this stuff again…(Plus I think I’ll have volume for the entire thing if I hurry.)

Haha, the volleyball scene. Notice En talks first.

Yumoto’s being basic as always. *sighs happily*

Trump, eh? The word for playing cards is trump, but…y’know?

(about “graduating in a storm of cherry blossoms” and En saying it sounds lonely) I was just about to say that, En. However, that may just be OVA feels speaking.

Itsumo Ichiban? Rememer that guy? Well, there’s Itsumo’s brother on Kin-chan’s list. You can tell because he’s literally Itsumo Nisan. Geddit?

(about Zundar’s meeting with Kin-chan) The manga! It was correct after all!

Yep, that’s exactly how it went 2 years ago. In fact, I think it might be recycled content…(?)

Wombat speaks very formally. I learnt about keigo in the past year so I only picked up on that this time around.

The word used by Aki is “sad” according to the subs, but hazukashii means “embarrassing”, which puts a new spin on it.

They’re literally just using montages of s1, which is why I want Pony Canyon to bundle the OVA with s2. It’s more money, but for the consumer, it’s more worth it. However…having Bi…Egoism in an anime segment at all is new.

Akoya must be popular in the fandom. Either that or the staff are acknowledging how unloved he is.

Yay! It’s Star the VEPPer!

It’s good that each of these side characters is getting their own montage. Plus we’re getting official translations of the character songs, which is the best thing you can get for free when character songs aren’t distributed normally in most cases.

4th wall breaking! I guess you never expected that, eh? (Actually, you probably did, considering it’s been a montage for almost everyone now.)

(I love En’s little snarks in the middle of the song.) The only one left after this is Atsushi, right? Update: Oops, forgot Kin-chan. Sorry Kin-chan.

I never really realised Atsushi’s song was so hard rock compared to En’s more pop-like one.

“But do I really have that fire inside of me?” – I think I heard the song go atsui which is a real funky (in a good way) pun on Atsushi’s name.

Aww, they missed out in such a good pun! Haru went haru and Aki went aki. The translator didn’t pick up on that though…aww.

Whoa! Yumoto got all scary! Botan Yuzuru though…gotta look into that later for magicalgirlsandcerulean.

This (Spanish?) guitar reminds me of this track from The Dog Island.

A-ha! This is what you get when you translate the Japanese in the ads too.I was quite right indeed, although it really is the dang 132nd graduation ceremond.

It’s literally a button monster. Don’t wanna mash his buttons! (I bet you’re all groaning from my jokes, ahaha…)

Dadacha’s voice sounds kinda ridiculous now because Yasumoto is clearly using the deeper voice he normally uses for Zundar.

Notice the monster’s face is made from the character 高 (the first character in the Japanese word for “high school”).

Salty Sol is still salty after all this time…sad life.

That train station is the same one from the beach episode!

I’ve seen enough spoilers so I know where this is going…I already identified in the spoiler chat what Wombat is going to catch as a reference to a Kenji Miyazawa work.

This train is somewhat obviously CGI…

Spinach curry? When’d Wombat eat that?

Ths slideshow appears to be all the clean art for everything they’ve ever produced in the Boueibu canon! Even events and collabs!

“So wipe away your tears.” – I’m not crying, you are…*tear leaks from corner of eye*

I don’t recognise two of those pictures…(EnAtsu beach pic and a yukata one with the Defence Club on the roof.)

Oh…my…it’s over? Well, frankly I was expecting the fandom’s end in 2015…so, here’s to the future. Farewell, and remember: love is forever! Separations are only a new beginning!

Netjuu no Susume 6

That was a really bad Glico man in the back (of Koiwai)…

I think something’s wrong with my eye. It just gave off a few tears…(kidding tone)

Whose car is this that Morimori-chan is sitting in??? Update: It’s a taxi. Whoops.

I think Morimori-chan used the word douryou (colleagues, coworkers) instead of employees. The word for employees would probably be very different.

Nikunokiya??? (thinks about Kinokuniya)

(Koiwai goes Ai no chikara ne…) Boueibu reference…kind of.

Notice Koiwai said he was low on health in the text but he said zombie in the Japanese. That’s where Fruits de Mer comes in for Morimori-chan.

“There’s no way I’d say something like that!”

I think the cup this ED is new. Plus the headphones.

Oh! I spotted Morimori-chan with the medium length hair in the background of Sakurai’s bit of the ED.

There are some blurry pictures of Koiwai in the ED and they’re so hilarious!!!

So the ED actually evolves along with the show. Interesting.

Juuni Taisen 7

Rabbit stores his blades in his tail. That’s weird, but funny.

Literally, the episode title is “Dragon Head, Snake Tail”.

Dragon and Snake really are like the Beppus! I keep thinking that. I want a crossover fic now…

Tatsu = dragon.

I only just realised but…a naga is a snake. Nagayuki is the younger bro, isn’t he? Dangit, Nisio Isin! You bested me again.

150 doesn’t have any significance in regards to the number 12 now does it?

It’s Rabbit! Who’s not wearing his trademark booty shorts or high heels! Rabbit in a waiter’s outfit is really something, though.

“Hot guy”? Not by most people’s standards Tora/Kanae, considering he’s currently missing his head.

It’s tiger versus…aww. It’s not tiger vs dragon…

How can Ushii still talk after being strangled by Snake’s arm???

Whoa! Incendiary components are cool in Bond movies, but fiery liquid? That’s a step up!

Mahoutsukai no Yome 6

Admit it. You saw it in the next ep preview (unless you skipped it or read the manga)…It’s TITania time!

“She touched me for the first time.” – Elias, what a dork you are…

The birbs around Chise are so fluffy and adorable! It’s cute.

Geez, it really is TITania…these fanservice wiggles are destroying my Mahoutsukai no Yome experience…

Seing the Faerie Queen facepalm…is something else. *sweatdrops*

In the same way I want a koala sheep from Avatar the Last Airbender, I want one of those sheep bug things.

“Every creature of the night, including she and you, are my adorable little children.” – No wonder you have such big hooters, TITania…

A wild SIMON appeared!…Thought we’d forgotten about him for the rest of the episode. He would’ve made a better brick joke if his return were prolonged, y’know.

Strange question, but do priests wear pants?

Girls’ Last Tour 4

I’m listening to Ugoku Ugoku for the first time and it’s…strangely catchy…

That thing with the face is really creepy…

That thing is a stone statue???

“What IS cheese?” – Considering sometimes cheese tastes pretty bad, I don’t blame you for not knowing what cheese is.

Couldn’t they check the camera for what Kanazawa was doing with it?

I just saw the number 3230 on the camera’s inside frame for taking pictures (whatever you call it). That might be the year this show is set…

Notice the word for temple that’s used is jiin, a Buddhist temple. A Shinto version of that might be jinja.

Kanazawa was voiced by Akira Ishida? The guy who did Kiku (SGRS)??? NOOOOOOO! I missed a prime opportunity! I’ll have to go back for it later.

The ED is even more catchy than the OP. Is that even possible???

The camera breaks in the ED…that’s so ominous…

That post-ED scene was cute. A little bit.

Girls’ Last Tour 5

The slightly-electronic-sounding OP doesn’t quite fit the show, does it?

The phrase used was definitely ie dake ni. I’m not quite sure what that means, but…okay. I’ll just believe the subs on that one.

I wonder if Sentai is planning to dub these…I can imagine this show being dubbed.They wouldn’t need to pay too many VAs for it, for one thing.

Akogare is the word for desire or longing. It would be no surprise f there was an akogaru or akogarareru made from it as well.

Notice it’s “Yay!”, but with the word for house (ie) emphasised.

What is this fish dream, a metaphor for lesbians…?

The soundtrack guys must’ve had lots of fun striking cans or whatever.

I think this ED is different to the one last ep…Its name appears to be Amadare no Uta and it’s sung by the main VAs.

I bet the soundtrack guys hit a bell or two there…

Girls’ Last Tour 6

Oh no! It’s an Anime Scientist! Last time we had one, it was Shinawa (Kado), and you know how badly that went…

Interesting that the word for “takeoff” is “separation [from the] ground” literally.

Okay! I’m caught up to the weekly episodes now!

[yoshifics]

Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

So I was tagged by @snowwolf1118, which thank you sweetheart, that was very appreciated. I also should have waited until later to answer this (it’s 1:30 am atm) but nah.

Tagging: @drblovewrite, @reioka, @healingmichiko, @not-close-to-straight, @vehuhia, @tonystarktogo, @xxxbladeangelxxx, @drunkvoldemort, @kitcat1925, @oswald--copperpot, @sih, @maixlen, @notallpotatoesarefrenchfries, @cywscross, @aerialflight, @poetry-protest-pornography, @unclesteeb, @funkzpiel, @vehuhia

Feel free to do this or not pals! And now, about me

the last …


1. drink: Ice cold water (which reminds me I should have taken my meds with it whoops)

2. phone call: My dad, who reminded me to make reservations for the place I’ll be staying at during my internship this fall

3. text message: (I’m including Messenger in this) my friends, to exchange study notes

4. song you listened to: Alice, by  Fullkawa Honpo (古川本舗) feat Vocaloid. Which hey, surprisingly enough I didn’t know who Honpo was so that was useful.

5. time you cried: Probably sometime last week, while I was reading fanfic. I’m reasonably sure it was Chyetirye that made me cry, because this fic is as heartwrenching as it is beautiful. Otherwise, I generally shed a tear or two when I read mutual pining and misunderstanding fics.

6. dated someone twice: Never dated, not interested in starting either

7. kissed someone and regretted it: Well I’ve kissed exactly two people in my life and haven’t regretted either of those

8. been cheated on: Never dated, so never been cheated on.

9. lost someone special: Nope.

10. been depressed: I think I’m in a constant state of depression so now 

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Never thrown up

favorite colors (can’t bother with shades right now, sorry)

12. Blue

13. Purple

14. Green

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: Yep! All of them on here :)

16. fallen out of love: Never been in love, and don’t plan on doing so either

17. laughed until you cried: Yes, several times and it was glorious

18. found out someone was talking about you: Nope

19. met someone who changed you: I’m not self-aware enough to realise if I’ve changed so nope

20. found out who your friends are: If by that you mean I’ve realised who my friends aren’t then nope

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: Yes. If by facebook list you mean we’re friends on facebook at least.

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Pretty much all of them? My online friends are mostly on tumblr, so...

23. do you have any pets: Noooooooo! I’ve had one pet in my life, and it was a beta fish I called Émeraude despite the fact that he was blue (I had my gems confused ok). I wanna get a snake at some point though. Dunno when, but it’s gonna happen

24. do you want to change your name: Nope, I love my name

25. what did you do for your last birthday: Probably had dinner with the family and went to Chinatown/cinema with friends. And cake, of course, I’m always down for cake.

26. what time did you wake up: 7:25 because of my alarm

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Reading fanfiction, like I do every night

28. name something you can’t wait for: Knowing everything about myself, controlling that awful procrastination, meeting @ngoziu at comiccon NYC, finding a cuddle buddy...

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: Sunday! Because I went back home for the weekend

31. what are you listening to right now: The Adventure Zone episode 56 by the McElroys

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Does Thomas count? If so yes, we had like 4 of them in my program.

33. something that is getting on your nerves: My stupid procrastinating unmotivated ass.

34. most visited website: AO3, definitely

35. hair colour: Black

36. long or short hair: Short (I’m tryinna grow an afro), but currently wearing crochet braids.

37. do you have a crush on someone: Nope, unless you count platonic friendly crushes. If so, I’ve got tons 

38. what do you like about yourself: The fact that I can accidentally fool everyone into thinking I’m a chill and well adjusted person. Wasn’t that a surprise when I discovered it

39. piercings: I’ve got pierced ears (dating back to my baby days) but it’s been forever since I wore earring so not really.

40. blood type: I’m very ashamed to say that I have no idea. 

41. nickname: Shishi. Yoshi. Shir.

42. relationship status: Single pringle, really don’t wanna mingle

43. zodiac: Libra.

44. pronouns: She/Her mostly by habit, but I’m testing out a bunch of them atm so to be continued

45. favourite tv show: Avatar the Last Airbender. You can pry it away from my cold dead hands, because I love this show.

46. tattoos: Nope. Might get some one day

47. right or left handed: Right-handed.

48. surgery: I removed my wisdom teeth

49. piercing: Nope again.

50. sport: Haha. Haha. Haha. Next. (No but really I’d love to I just have no motivation and can’t keep a schedule)

51. vacation: I wanna travel! Everywhere! Around the world!

52. pair of trainers: If by trainers you mean running shoes as opposed to personal trainers, then yes I do have one. They’re falling apart though, so I’ll probably buy new ones.

more general

53. eating: Listen if it’s food I will eat it, because I love food

54. drinking: Slush, French Vanilla, Tea, Bubble Tea.

55. i’m about to: Sleep. it’s now 2am and I should have fallen asleep long ago whoopsie.

56. waiting for: me to finish this?

57. want: Oh wow, so many things. Time, money, food, a cuddle buddy (seriously I need someone to cuddle with)

58. get married: Seeing as I’m not planning on dating, nope

59. career: Engineer, I guess?

60. hugs or kisses: Both. Both are awesome. Hugs are more versatile though because you can do them with every single one of your friends (if they’re so inclined), whereas kissing has romantic/sexual connotations.

61. lips or eyes: Can I say both again? Because eyes are friggin fantastic, but also you generally can’t look straight into someone else’s eyes forever without them looking away at some point. And also lips move way more and I love them

62. shorter or taller: Both are good

63. older or younger: Both are good

64. nice arms or nice stomach: Stomach! Listen, I’m sure y’all have lovely arms, but it’s your stomach I’m gonna be lying on so.....

65. hook up or relationship: Both are good! Relationships allow for a deeper bond, but hook ups mean you don’t have to try and navigate relationships

66. troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant. Boy, do I hesitate (unless I don’t)

67. kissed a stranger: Nope.

68. drank hard liquor: Yep, though always mixed with juice cause alcohol tastes weird. Unless you count shots. Those weren’t mixed with juice.

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: Oh my god yes! And my eyesight’s like -8 so I had to go back home (2 hrs away) and navigate the public transport (another hour) while seeing nothing but blurry shapes and omg wow was it an experience

70. turned someone down: Not that I know of?

71. sex on the first date: Never had sex and not really interested in having it so no

72. broken someone’s heart: Not that I know of

73. had your heart broken: Nope

74. been arrested: Nope

75. cried when someone died: Nope, but then again, the only death I could have cried for was my grandma, who I wasn’t really close to beyond “oh, cool grandpa I get to see when I visit France”

76. fallen for a friend: Nope

do you believe in …

77. yourself: Haha. Haha. Haha. Nope.

78. miracles: Nope

79. love at first sight: For some people sure I guess? I don’t fall in love though

80. santa claus: Nope

81. kiss on the first date: Yeah sure why not?

82. angels: Nope

other

83. current best friend’s name: Shit am I supposed to choose one? Dammit, impossible

84. eye colour: Brown!

85. favourite movie: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (I could watch it 50 more times)

Done!!! Thanks for tagging me @snowwolf1118! This was so fun :D

[designationpinknoise]

How Prowl met Janis 1/2

:: | ::= Thoughts

It's was just a normal day in the daily grind Janis got up put on her school uniform brushed her hair and rode her bike to school, when she waited at the lights for the walk signal a cop came speeding down the road almost hitting her! the blonde squeaked as the car managed to swerve and passed slammed on it's brakes.

Janis let out a sigh of relief, before riding up to the cop car and narrowed her eyes at the tinted windows "Learn to drive space cadet!" she hissed giving the headlight a light kick, and continuing on her way. she thought she heard someone apologize, but didn't spare a second glance.

Meanwhile

"Bluestreak!"

"I'm sorry I was wasn't paying attention! and girl just rode out in front me and I saw her at the last.."

"Quiet! do you have any idea what would've happened if you had hit that girl? at the speed you were going?! go back to base!"

"But-...Kay"

Prowl ex-vented why Prime didn't let Jazz or Bumble-bee come on patrol him with he'll never know! at least that know how to pay attention to the damn road and traffic laws...he scooped out the neighborhood to make sure no one had heard or saw the near miss,

 but no humans were detected, he ex-vented again before turning down the same way the girl went only for his radar to go haywire! there was a decepticon heading his way fast! dammit! he radioed base and Bluestreak to come back.

At the same time

Janis was at her locker and felt a chill go up her back; she whirled around and saw Marvin looking down at his phone while walking to the student council meeting room only walk face first into the door frame,

 The blonde blinked must have been her imagination, she shrugged before a loud explosion knock her back into the row of locker her ears rang as the blurry images flooded her vision then Janis felt something hit her chest then everything went dark.

Prowl grunted as he landed he was thrown into a school building luckily it was mostly empty, as it was early the staff and student weren't there yet, or so police mech thought he saw a boy running away from the building. 

Then froze when he looked down and saw a girl buried in rubble! he recognized her too; she was the one Bluestreak almost ran over, he went to comm for help. but his comm wasn't working,

Prowl growled as he looked over to Bluestreak and the lambo twins who were fighting Bonecrusher, then back at the girl then realized something... his scanners weren't picking up her heartbeat, his spark dropped as he dug the girl out and quickly looked up way to start up a heart..."Defibrillation?"

he said before looking down at his spark chamber...This was very either a good or bad idea... that sounded good in theory or on paper, 

but right now? There were no options opening his chest plates. Prowl brought the girl to his chest and gave her a slight jolt and that's the last thing he remembered before blacking out...

Three days later...

Janis's eyes opened and was blinded by a bright light, she muffled voices and saw figures moving about, she tried to get up but was pushed down again, she hissed her head and chest were killing her,

 "W-what happened? where am I?" she ask her hazel eyes finally adjusting "You in the hospital dear." she looked up at the older woman she was in a lab coat and had long ginger hair and laurel green eyes, who looked down at her warily Janis read the woman's tag Dr. C. Gates as the woman wrote something down.

"Do you remember your name?"

"Janis Pymm, Dr. Gates what happened to me?"

"There was a gas explosion at your school, the paramedics found you under some rubble."

"Gas explosion?..how long was I out for?"

The Doctor hummed "three days...looks like you got an extended spring break." the teen just gave the woman a blank look as she cleared her throat "by the way your friends stopped by..."

Janis looked to her bedside table and saw a large candy basket, flowers and cards. sitting on the table most of them were from classmates; who wished her well or thought it was her birthday...the flowers were from Marvin, but the basket...

who the hell were Jazon Zimri and Paul Rowe? "I think there may be mistake. I don't know any Paul or Jazon." Dr. Gates blinked then checked the tag on the basket "No mistake, it’s addressed to you." she showed Janis the tiny address and note.

[Get well soon sweetness, PS me n' Blu picked this out, Prowler doesn't know what the femmes like

Femmes?...was that some sort of new slang? the teen frowned and who the hell is Blu? "Maybe one of the first respondents got it for you?" Dr. Gates suggested as she wrote down other stuff, Janis shrugged still befuddled as odd tingle tugged in her chest. but, shrugged it off to her body still waking up.

"By the way we tried contacting your family, but no one answered." Janis grimaced and grabbed a small napkin and asked for a pen and wrote down a number

 "it's my building manager." the doctor eyed her before nodding "I'm going to prescribe you, some pain killers for a cracked rib and your wrist, you got off lucky miss Pymm, also I'm sorry but you going to have scars over your right brow and left cheek,"

Janis listened to what the doctor said as she left to either attend to her other patients or call the number she gave her, Janis didn't know how long she was laying there for staring at the ceiling... 

but, for what seemed like hours there was a knock on her door looked up and saw an old woman calmly walk, in and hug her before helping her sit up the old woman pull away and scanned the girl's face.

"Oh my goodness look at you."  

"Hi to you too, miss Jackson..."

"Why didn't you say you were in the hospital? I nearly had a heart attack"

":: |Yeah because whose gonna pay you if i die?| :: I wasn't really awake until an hour ago.."

Don't get Janis wrong. Miss Jackson was nice lady... just so long as you have a big enough wallet to keep her in a good mood; and pay her rent on time. Damn Janis really missed the Kims!

at least they're rate was cheap and they'd give you an extra two weeks to get the money, Janis's scholarships and security job barely covered the grubby woman's rate.

She was looking for a new place to live, but, for now she's stuck "I'm only driving you home this once don't expect anymore generosity." the older woman chided as Janis went to say something only for Doctor Gates to return with Janis's school bag "Your gym clothes are in here, Luckily you bag got out untouched."

the ginger said giving Miss J the stink eye who looked the doctor with distaste, "May I talk with you?" she said to miss Jackson, who followed her out of the room as Janis changed and put her stuff in her back pack well except for the basket it was too big and flowers well were starting had pretty died.

so she threw them out and dumped the water before putting the vase into her backpack just as Doctor Gates came back in a very unhappy "what a bitch! urm...Sorry dear, did you know she was selling the apartment building?" the doctor asked  Janis was floored "What?!"

Meanwhile two days earlier...

When Prowl onlined his mind was in disarray, he felt odd. almost lost as he stared at the base's ceiling, as Ratchet stepped in to check on him "Well, look who finally woke up!" 

the medic said getting the SIC attention "w-when did I get here?" he asked as Ratchet helped him up. before smacking him up side the helm, he grunted and looked at the doc-bot confused "You, I thought you were one of the smart ones!"

Prowl was still confused as the terror twins suddenly came rushing in. loudly humming the wedding march; and throwing confetti and noise makers at Prowl. confusing the poor bot even more.

before  a feeling of wariness and pain in his wrist and chest got his attention...His optics watched as Ratchet chased the twins out of his med-bay.

but, he blocked out whatever he was saying to them. He didn't even register Jazz walking in a patting his shoulder.

The Praxian jumped from the sudden touch "I gotta say Prowler n'vah thought ya for a commitment mech so waz er name?" Prowl blinked then stared at his friend confused as Ratchet butted in.

"he doesn't know."

"What do ya Mean?"

"He doesn't know her name, he took a damn risk! and they're both stuck with ramifications."

"Whoa, you Spark bonded with the li’l lady without knowin' er name or permission?"

Prowl gawked at the two, bonded? what were they talking about he wasn't...Then he remembered the girl! the school getting jumped by the cons, "Oh frag! The girl! she wasn't I-her heart stopped and I-" 

The medic put his hand up to silence him "I know, Catherine told me you saved her however..." Ratchet winced "Just be thankful the girl was an E-type, other wise you’d both be dead right now."he huffed as Prowl's door wings stood straight up either in anger or fear;

neither Jazz or Ratchet knew, when Ratchet gave the SIC the okay the leave he was cornered by Bluestreak who bombarded him with questions he couldn't or wouldn't answer! before Jazz came to rescue him and said they were going to visit his "missus".

Much to Prowl's churning, he actually bit back to urge to yell 'she's not my mate!' but, that was lie...as three drove to the hospital.

 Bluestreak suggested getting something for her; Jazz agree and they stopped at a shop, Prowl had no fricking clue what he was doing or how he was going to do this. ::What do earth femmes even like?::  he huffed in his head as his holo-form; 

(which totally looks like agent smith from the matrix)

Stared intensely at a cactus, while Jazz and and Blue shook their heads at him "Even his avatar looks like it has stick up his aft" sniper whispered to the TIC who just hummed. 

as he and Blu looked around, and found a large gift basket and buying it with the credit card the SILO foundation gave them. "let's go Prowler!" Jazz said grabbing Prowl by the elbow and pulled him out of the store.

when they got to the hospital, the nurse up front denied them entry since they didn't know the patient's name first or last. til Catherine noticed them on her way in and told the nurse they were with her.She led the boys to the sub-level hospital.

 Catherine explained Janis's injuries Prowl cocked a brow ::So, her name is Janis...hm:: he immediately shook whatever ever he was going to think about, out of his mind.

and just ignore the damn bond, but, that over like a lead balloon the second they stepped foot into Janis's room "Whoa! you bonded with the girl I almost ran over?!" Bluestreak said pointing at the comatose blond as Jazz looked at the younger praxian oddly,

"You almost what?" Bluestreak immediately explained the whole situation as Prowl put the basket on the little nightstand next to Janis's berth and just stared at her, she was actually not bad looking, she was 'pretty' for a human.

his spark clenched a bit when he noticed the the stitches on her face and the cast on her wrist, Catherine did say she had a cracked rib. so, there's definitely a bruise under that gown no doubt.

 it was his fault she ended up like this what was she even doing at that school so early? he spied one of the cards [Get well Vice-Prez! student council just ain't the same with out ya!- Nora] he briefly looked up what student council meant.  

:: Oh, the who ever her school president is must asked her fill in.::  

"Huh, what do ya know she's second in command of her peers."

"It's not wise to invade the personal space of others Jazz."

"Ey I just wanted to see Freckles up close, she's pretty cute, too bad I didn't see her first."

Jazz joked with a mock pout, Prowl didn't seem to take his joke to well , as he let out a growl before shaking his head and calming down then noticed they were missing someone 

"where's Blue?" the TIC looked at his friend "Oh, he wouldn't settle down, so i told em' to check and make sure our parking pass hadn't expired." the agent smith like avatar nodded before Dr. Gates returned "I hate to be that gal, but visiting hours are over. Jazz and Prowl nodded and Jazz's Avatar disappeared.

 Prowl made a move like he was going kiss Janis before he caught himself "what the hell am I doing?!" he exclaimed out loud as Dr. Gates watched him somewhat annoyed as she had other patients to see.

 "I don't know, but, you might want to give that avatar makeover, before someone thinks you're some 40yr old pedophile." she advised a little creeped out by the whole scene; the police mech gave her the stink eye before disappearing.

When Optimus had heard about Prowl and Janis; he wasn't angry or anything just surprised...confusing his SIC he assumed Prime would be furious!?

 then Hilary came to visit and Prowl noticed the sudden change in his leader's behavior, when the SILO leader met Optimus's gaze and smiled at him,causing the leader to sit up a little straighter. 

as Prowl finally connected the dots on Prime and commander Bellamy's relationship, how long had this been going on!? he went to intervene when a tiny voice yelled :: | He said while bonded to a earthling!| :: and bit his glossa he's pretty much 'Calling the kettle black' as the humans say...

two days later.

Prowl’s mate was awake. he could sense her confusion, alertness,and distaste then it stopped; as wave of anger and despair suddenly shot through his senses. 

he was tempted to see her but, Ratchet told him keep his distance and take it slow. and let her get used to everything. then she’ll come to him.

Prowl growled to himself, his door wings twitched; his optics kept focusing and unfocusing. as all his protocols were telling him to seek out his mate.

end part 1

(This prowl in based of of the Transformers Prime design.)

[tanisisdreaming]

Episode 101: Seeking Tanis, Runner Available

Part 1 of 2

Some stories have layers. History. Detailed recorded mass sightings, grainy videos, blurry photographs and countless witnesses. Are these stories, with their multiple firsthand accounts, years, decades, and sometimes even centuries of so-called evidence more likely to be true? Sometimes we come across something different. A genuine mystery. Something that appears to have no recorded history, no website and no public record at all. Something uniquely strange and mysterious.

This is one of those stories.

The city of Pasadena has a long and colorful history. The name ‘Pasadena’ means ‘key of the valley,’ and the area was part of a Mexican land grant in 1843. From its early roots as a haven for teetotalers, a recovery resort, and a citrus grower’s paradise, Pasadena flourished. A number of colorful characters made their homes and fortunes in the area, but perhaps nobody was as colorful as Jack Parsons, a rocket scientist who moved to Pasadena from Los Angeles as a young boy. It was Parsons’ interest in science fiction that led him into rocketry, and by 1941 he had founded Aerojet, to sell technology Parsons himself had developed. At the time, Parsons was living in a large ornate mansion on Orange Grove Avenue. Oh, and there’s one more thing. Parsons was the leader of the Ordo Templi Orientis, Aleister Crowley’s brand new religious movement, the religion known as Thelema. Thelema had another infamous member living under the same roof. A pulp science fiction writer named L. Ron Hubbard. After Parsons and Hubbard allegedly failed to summon the goddess Babalon to earth, and after Hubbard (again, allegedly) made off with Parsons’ entire life savings and his wife, Parsons continued his work in rocketry until his controversial death in 1952. The police ruled it accidental, but people who knew Parsons at the time of his death suspected assassination.

There are a lot of interesting angles to explore there. So what is this story about? Well, this story is about a mystery. And Jack Parsons’ part in our mystery wasn’t revealed until decades after his death, when some of his writings and poetry were published by a small magazine in San Francisco. That magazine was called Strange Worlds. Parsons’ writing really wasn’t unique or remarkable in any way. His stories were…too personal. Barely sketches, really. And his poems were simple, but not simple in an elegant way. Hubbard was the writer in the mansion, not Parsons. But one thing Parsons did do better than Hubbard, better than almost anybody if you ask those who knew him, was research. Parsons was a paper-trail Lisbeth Salander way before anyone had dragon tattoos. An unremarkable short story called Where is Tanis? was the fourth story credited to Parsons in that magazine. It was written in the second person, and it was short, almost reading like a documentary sketch. It was certainly the most poorly written and sorely lacked cohesive narrative structure. But that short story is the entire reason we created this podcast.

From the Public Radio Alliance and Minnow Beats Whale, it’s Tanis. I’m Nic Silver. We’ll be right back.

 Cultivating and protecting a sense of mystery feels like something from the past – a relic, from the analog age. It’s like knowing a phone number by heart or directions to your uncle’s house. There’s no need. We have our contacts and extremely accurate GPS in our hands or pockets at all times.

In the age of google, and Reddit, and Wikipedia, are there any genuine mysteries left in the world? We can pause a movie to look up an actor, and we know every single film and television project they’ve ever done. Who they’re married to, who they were seen kissing in the French Riviera, and of course, the cold-pressed juice they had for lunch is right there on Instagram.

Before the break, I mentioned a short story published way back when in Strange Worlds magazine, called Where is Tanis?. This is where our story really begins. Now I’m not talking about the Tanis of 20th dynasty Egypt, the ancient city mentioned in Raiders of the Lost Ark, although there may be a connection. I’m talking specifically about the myth of Tanis. Tanis as mystery. Maybe one of the last pure mysteries left in the world. One last chance to be truly surprised. I’m talking about the Freemasons, the Templars, the illuminati and the Doukhobors, about the deep web, tor browsers and black sites. I’m talking about old VHS tapes passed from college dorms to conspiracy nuts in brown paper bags. Notes surreptitiously left in old phone books, and stories told over decades via classified ads. I’m talking about whispers in the dark, standing next to a stranger waiting for a subway train in the middle of the night. One word. Tanis.

The Hebrew story of Moses, discovered floating in the Nile river from Exodus, is usually located at Tanis. However, historians agree, those stories are most likely spiritual allegories, as no supporting archeological evidence has ever been uncovered. It’s widely accepted that the ancient Egyptian city of Tanis was flooded by the Nile around the 6th century AD. So, all we really know is that Tanis was a city in Egypt. But the myth of Tanis actually begins much earlier. What if the ancient Egyptian city was named after the myth, and not the other way around?

[playing a clip of Professor Adams]: What you need to understand is that, as far as human history is concerned, the Tanis of the Egyptians is brand new.

That’s Carl Adams. A historian and religious studies professor at Oxford University. This interview was recorded for an episode of Pacific Northwest Stories from 1999, way back when we were on Terrestrial Radio, for a documentary exploring three mysterious places – the Bermuda triangle, Easter Island, and Atlantis. The producers decided against including Professor Adams’ interview in that show, because they were unable to confirm the voracity of the content of that interview. Basically, they were unable to find any corroborating evidence to support his claims about Tanis.

[playing a clip of Professor Adams]: If you know where to look, Tanis has been there from the beginning. The Bronze Age, ancient Greece, Rome, the Aztecs and the Mayans. There is mention of Tanis in the first compiled gospels that would eventually comprise what we now call the bible. And it’s mentioned again in the Dead Sea Scrolls. Although, some of those sections have yet to be released for public study.

Alex Reagen: So, Tanis is a city?

Adams: Sometimes. Maybe, but not that city.

Alex: I don’t understand.

Adams: It’s not an easy thing to understand. Tanis is…something else. Deeper and more, fluid. Some say Tanis is the location of the Garden of Eden. Others describe Tanis as God him or herself. It’s been called Gaia, or if you believe Robert Devourant and Joseph Deraymaty {translator’s note: yo I’m so sorry but I honestly have no idea how one would spell those last names, if anyone knows hmu} Tanis is actually the Holy Grail. Sometimes Tanis is a place. Sometimes it’s a concept. Sometimes, it’s even a person. The ancient Egyptian city was named to honor Tanis, the mythic legend, not the other way around.

Alex: Sometimes Tanis is…a person?

Adams: Or a god, or as one Egyptian high priest was convinced, a cat.

Alex: So…nobody knows exactly what Tanis is?

Adams: I don’t believe you could say that.

Alex: Why not?

Adams: Because in every recorded mention concerning the myth of Tanis, there are common through lines.

Alex: What kind of through lines?

Adams: Well for one, Tanis moves. It seems to migrate every 400 years or so. And it changes. It’s kind of hard to explain the many facets of this myth without serious study.

Alex: I’m starting to get that sense.

Adams: When it comes to Tanis, they say you always know it when you see it. Even if, by that point, it’s too late.

 Thank you to Christina Reyes and Alex Reagen, who produced that segment, for allowing us to share it with you on this show.

Professor Adams claimed that Atlantis was actually an avatar for Tanis, active for about 400 years before sinking into the ocean. In fact, in ancient Sumerian, the glyphs for the words Atlantis and Tanis are almost identical. And perhaps even more telling, the Sumerian symbol for Tanis predates Atlantis by at least 10 years.

Professor Adams went on to describe other possible incarnations and other potential cultural references, and then he started talking about the feeling and fear associated with the Tanis myth itself. An overwhelming sense of religious awe, or a soul-shattering foreboding, depending on who was telling the story. According to Professor Adams’ reading of the ancient text, some say Tanis is evil, a dark pocket of mind-altering terror and pain. Others say Tanis heals completely, body and soul. But all reports appear to agree on one thing: when you experience Tanis, one way or another, you are forever changed.

So why are we here? Why Tanis? Why did this myth mean so much to me that I created a show to try and figure it out?

Remember when I said the world was wanting for mystery? Well I believe I may have found one. A big one. Tanis, an ancient legendary myth. Maybe the original Garden of Eden. The cradle of humanity. Maybe the original source material for Camelot. Maybe hell itself. Some say Tanis is where Lucifer landed when he originally fell from grace. Yet others claim Tanis holds the key to eternal life. But no matter what it is, or was, or where it is or will be, outside of vague hints and whispers, there are only a handful of articles written on the subject of Tanis, almost every one of them by Professor Adams. Aside from the ancient Egyptian city, there’s absolutely no mention of Tanis on the internet, at all. At least, not until I ventured into the deep web. And that’s coming up, after the break.

 [voice of Meerkatnip]: Tanis? I thought you said tennis. Yeah, this thing is five letters, it could be Tanis. Yeah, that actually makes sense.

 That’s Meerkatnip. I’m guessing not her real name. She’s an expert in illicit underground internet commerce, among other things. It took me three weeks and a whole lot of bitcoin to get her to agree to a five minute skype conversation.

 Nic: So, what I’m looking for is anything related to the myth of something called ‘Tanis.’

MK: And you said you want me to exclude the ancient Egyptian shit?

Nic: Right.

MK: Well, there’s not a lot.

Nic: Yeah, I’m not surprised.

MK: Think this stuff you’re looking for might be pre-digital?

Nic: Uh, I have no idea what I’m looking for.

MK: You’re sure this is some kind of famous thing?

Nic: I’m actually not sure about anything.

MK: [sighs] It’s your money.

 We’ll get back to Meerkatnip in a moment. I promise. But first, a bit more background. Just about a year ago I was researching a story on 50s pulp fiction, and I picked up a copy of Strange Worlds magazine from a used bookstore in San Francisco. While reading the short story Where is Tanis? I remembered Professor Adams’ interview. It was the combination of that interview, and the short story Where is Tanis? that inspired me to start asking questions. I haven’t stopped.

I’ll include a link to the PDF version of Where is Tanis? on our website. I was going to read you the story myself, but I decided to bring in a ringer.

 [sound of a door opening and closing]

Nic: Well, here we are at Pacific Northwest Stories studio, and we’re going to track down my friend and producing partner Alex Reagen, who’s working on her podcast…

[he knocks on a door]

Alex: Hey, come in!

Nic: Hey :)

Alex: Give me one sec. How’s it going?

Nic: I am working on the new show. And to that end, I was wondering if you might be willing to read something for us.

Alex: Oh, sure!

[voice of Alex]: okay, so I’m gonna tell a story comme ça.

[some adjusting of microphones]

[voice of Alex reading Where is Tanis?]: Your uncle told you that the runner knows the way, or will remember the way. But first the runner must find the map. Then, and only then, can the search begin. The last runner to locate Tanis had been young, but strong. He was also trained by your uncle, who had been trained by his father before him. And so it has been, and so it shall be.

Now it’s your turn. You are the runner. You know the last was almost killed. You will come to understand that this is common. Even the most experienced runner risks losing his life every time he steps onto the path. Tanis is eternal, forever. But it’s only existed here, in these woods, for a relatively short time. Most likely less than 200 years, but nobody knows for sure. Tanis is always moving, or you’re moving. And it’s always changing, or you’re changing.

Once, the last runner told you that he remembered something, which is very rare. He told you that he led his seekers through the deep evergreens, towards the sound that only the runner can hear, the constant throb and hum of what they call ‘the calm.’ The beating heart of Tanis. His seekers came out of the woods into a clearing and the runner, who was looking at the red rock, knew that if he turned back around, the calm was now behind him.

The quest was over for his group of seekers. In the calm, time stops, or slows, or disappears altogether. You know that the runner never enters the calm. You know that the runner brings those who are looking, the seekers. You know that the seekers, and only the seekers, may enter the calm. In Tanis, if they’re lucky, your seeker’s dreams can become reality. If they’re not, the seeker enters a nightmare world. An unimaginable hell of their own creation.

Your father had a saying he taught to your uncle once, a long time ago. “So as it was, so shall it be in Tanis, eternal. In Tanis they’ll see.”

[mynameisnotcelia]

‘Another Shade of Melancholy’

This is all I have written of the story so far. It’s written in random memory fragments from the girl’s life (Suhar). This is a lot to post all at once, but I figure if someone out there really cares, it will all be worth it. 

Excerpt #1

The tiny blue Christmas lights twinkled in vain attempt to light the entirety of the bedroom. White painted walls seemed to reflect the light like soft neon signs, comfortingly melancholy. I continued to stare at them as if to congratulate their efforts.

“I guess I should sleep now.” I sighed and listened for the reply.

“But I don’t want to go.” It promptly came from the phone. A voice I understood.

“I know.”

 Excerpt #2

“You could leave the room if you wanted to. You just have to try.” The voice in my headset encouraged.

I declined the temptation to reply.

“Suhar? Are you listening?”

“Let’s build the tower here in this grassy area.” My avatar pointed on screen to an in-game plain full of tall grass and wildflowers. Innocent.

“Suhar. I won’t let this go.” My favorite voice just sighed, his avatar motionless, lifeless, refusing to give aid.

I sighed back. It was all I felt like giving.

“Can you at least tell me why?” The tiny blue Christmas lights on my ceiling shone in attempt to comfort me, adding to the screen’s light. My eyes felt numb.

“Here’s why, Galen. I don’t see the point. It’s pointless. I have everything I need. I have you. I don’t need to move, or change, or leave.” I spoke in a curt, detached manner. He probably wasn’t satisfied with that answer.

“Okay. I guess I can’t change your mind.” The headset crackled with the sound of his deep exhale.

“No, you can’t. But I won’t stop you from trying.”

We sat in silence for a moment there.

“Let’s get rid of all this grass first before we start building.” Galen’s avatar was breathed to life again and he moved, beginning the pointless task we’d set out to do.

“Okay.”

 Excerpt #3

I remember the first time I met him. My favorite voice. He was a paper boy in the culture that doesn’t read the paper.

It was just a simple walk to the end of the drive to get the mail. It took a lot of self-convincing to get there though. Flurries drifted down feather-like from the gray sky to cover everything. A maroon van with some news logo on it drove slowly by and he stuck his arm out to fling the newspaper wrapped in plastic into the driveway. November edition.

“Thank you!” I shouted at him to be heard over the wind. ‘Maybe paper boys don’t get enough “Thank you”s,’ I thought.

He didn’t miss a beat and even smiled at me. “’Welcome!”

The paper came next month. I waited, interested. It was the same man. I waved and thanked him. He smiled and waved back, as if also interested. But why would he be?

I started seeing him around if I looked hard enough. He was at the grocery store buying soup when my mother dragged me there (she doesn’t even live with me, so how does she still control me?). He was at the bank ATM when my older sister took me to input her deposit (she can’t love me, so why am I her last resort companion?). And of course, I saw him in the newspaper van. Various news kiosks around the city. He probably had multiple jobs.

He took my order at a coffee shop while I was on a date that I never asked to be on. The guy left the table with the excuse of an emergency call from work. I knew he must be disgusted by me.

“I’ve got a cup for… Su… Suhay? Su-hair?”

“Suhar. The ‘a’ rhymes with ‘car’. Thank you very much.” I was used to everyone saying my name wrong one way or another.

“Alright, here’s your small light brew, cream and sugar. Taking a break from finals, huh? Oh hey, wasn’t there a guy here just a minute ago? I’ve got a large cappuccino here for him.” He tried to make amiable conversation. His efforts were already better than most.

Didn’t even take his drink with him. I was cynically amazed and saddened at the same time.

“Oh, I guess he just left it. I’m sorry for the inconvenience. You can just throw it away or something.” What a waste of money.

The man’s face seemed to hold an expression of genuine concern. (How was that so?) “Wait, did you just get stood up? Did he just leave you here?” He looked back at the door as if to confront my absent date. “What the hell? Who does that?”

“It’s not a big deal. It’s happened before.” I tried for a polite smile but it probably didn’t turn out that well. Why did I bother going on these blind dates anymore? I was begging for pity, wasn’t I?

The man with the nice voice looked determined, as if he had made up his mind. “You know what? I haven’t taken my break yet today, how about I fill in for him? Would you mind chatting with another stranger for a while?” He gave me a smile. “My name is Galen, by the way.”

I was dumbfounded but amused. I had already been on a blind date with one stranger, what was one more? I had nowhere else to be. My lips curved into a small, cynical smile. “Sure. Why not?”

Galen’s grin got even wider. “Alright, let me just go clock out. I’ll be right back.”

I let myself laugh a little. He had set down the cappuccino across from me as if he was going to drink it instead.

 Excerpt #4

Light smoke from 18 bright, colorful candles and a few relative’s cigarettes fogged up the room, making everything blurry. The open windows helped alleviate this vision impairment.

I remember the cake was red velvet with black icing.

The smile on my face felt 80% forced and 20% genuine, to be specific. Scattered applause and whooping echoed around the room.

Then something strange. My mother leaned forward in her chair, and everyone turned to bask in her sophisticated aura that I did not inherit. All I can remember is the image of her face, set in its ways, in high detail compared to everyone else’s. The other people were like strangers in a dream; you can’t make out their features or anything about them, but the blobs of color they add to the reality-canvas are still perceivable. She looked me dead in the eye with her headstrong gray ones, and demanded,

“So when are you moving out?”

 Excerpt #5

“Your room is so boring. Not even colored walls. Why don’t you put up some posters or something?” My older sister oh-so-lovingly suggested as she waltzed into my room uninvited.

“I don’t have any poster-worthy interests, I guess.”

“You’re so weird. Anyway, Mom said it’s time for dinner. You should come up.” She shifted her weight onto one leg and gave me an odd look.

I turned to face her from my nest by the laptop. “Emims, you already know my answer.”

“Oh god, don’t ever call me by my full name, SUHAR. I hate it.” The emphasis on my own full name was probably meant to offend me. “Call me Emi like everyone does, got it?”

“Sure.” I never thought her name was that bad. It was formidable sounding though, I would give her that. “Kindly tell Mom that I’ll get something to eat later if I’m hungry, but thank her for inviting me.” It almost hurt to be so polite towards the woman.

“Yeah, figures. Well, have fun wasting away down here. See you whenever you come back to the land of the living.” Emims turned on her heel to leave.

“You’ll be the first to know.”

The door shut. I was alone again.

My gaze wandered to the ceiling. Maybe I could use some decoration.

+++++

“Hey. You know what I’m gonna ask you.” And here she was once again, disrupting my game in the middle of a very important pointless project. “What’s with the lights? It’s not even Christmas.”

I felt disappointed at her judgment, for some reason. “I thought you said I should decorate my room.”

“Not like this! These just look tacky on the ceiling. It’s not like they’ll help you see any better anyway.”

I decided it best not to respond.

“Well, I’m just gonna tell Mom you’re not coming up tonight. See ya.”

“Emi?” She stopped in the doorway, the light painting her as a dark silhouette. “Tell her to stop asking me. Please.”

Her expression was unreadable. “Sure.”

She lingered just a second longer than normal before shutting the door.

I was alone again.  

 Excerpt #6

There was a time when I was a young girl when I used to ask where daddy was.

“He’s at work today.” A glance to the side at some bills I couldn’t comprehend.

“You said that yesterday. He hasn’t come home yet.”

“He’s going to be at work for a while, okay Su?” Mother tried to smile at me but it just looked like a grimace.

Another day would pass, a few, a week, a month. Many more of those. Daddy was missing.

“Are you sure he isn’t coming back soon?”

“Yes, I am; will you stop asking for God’s sake? He’s not coming back and Mommy doesn’t want him to.” More bills and cigarettes.

“Okay. I’m sorry.”

Simultaneously, I saw two images in my little brain. One glazed in sunlight, of a man stretching his hand out to me with the neighborhood park behind him. “Come on Suhar, you can’t keep a man waiting.” His smile was so gentle.

The other of that man coming home smelling strange and calling everyone bad names. “What do you keep bothering me for, Rani? Just let me go!” He shouted to my mother.

There was a time when I was a young girl when I used to ask where my father was. I stopped asking when I was 10.

Excerpt #7

How many times did we meet in that coffee shop? I remember visiting Galen during his shift and talking with him during his breaks. It was the only time I left the house. It became so a part of my routine that I forgot to question why.

Why was I interested?

Why was he interested?

No one had been interested before.

We usually sat at the same table I had met him at, as if to deny that my saddening blind date had never happened there. He’d make me the light brew I liked for free since it was “no trouble at all”. I hated and loved that simultaneously.

What did we ever talk about? I can’t recall. It was just words, sounds, his presence. All of it fascinated me.  This human was endearing, somehow.

And somehow, I was endearing to him. He never once looked disgusted.

Galen always smiled when I walked in.

Why?

 Excerpt #8

My mother climbed the business ladder so desperately; it was painful to watch her struggle in those maroon heels. The ones that click-clacked everywhere.

Because even when she reached a marvelous height, she kept reaching still higher. It was never enough for her.

“I’m only doing what’s best for my two daughters,” I’m sure she reasoned. Father wasn’t coming back, and so it was up to her to make sure that all was right with the world. That bills didn’t look so menacing anymore.

“Just another cigarette to ease the stress. Then I’ll quit.” I’m sure she thought. Father wasn’t coming back, and so she had to relieve the pressure, the frustration, somehow. Even if the bedroom smelled more like smoke than it should.

“If I can just make more money, I won’t have to worry anymore.” I’m sure she decided. Father wasn’t coming back, so someone had to make sure that no one had to feel her anxiety. Even if it meant pushing everyone else to be just as “successful”.

Those maroon heels stabbed my ears with their finality. Every time I heard them, I had the urge to hide. It was no use. If she wanted to say something, it would be said. If she wanted something done, it would be done.

But if she wanted her youngest daughter to become more like herself, the daughter would certainly refuse. She was the last person I wanted to become.

 Excerpt #9

I imagined our relationship like dance:

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Somehow, my voice trembled.

Why would you?

“Wouldn’t want to waste a good slow song.”

Why does he feel the need to whisper?

“Okay.”

The first movements were slow. Awkward. Unsure. How to proceed, how to go on? I followed naively to Galen’s lead. He was strong, kind, confident. At least it seemed so.

He twirled me around once, twice, then held me for a moment.

Galen’s smile was sheepish and sad. “I’ve never done this before. I hope I’m not hurting you.”

“No no, it’s fine. You’re wonderful.”

That smile, that smile. “Good.”

It almost hurt me, being here. How could you love a girl who’s dead, how could you? It’s absurd. It’s pointless. I’ll only drown you in the end, with my everything. I will drag you down; your terrified, disappointed, shocked… betrayed… face… will be the last thing I see before I sink with you. With my apathetic emotions around your neck like a lethargic noose, you will sink, and I will let myself fall with you to keep you company in that internal death.

But as Galen held me in his strong arms, I thought that maybe he was able to tolerate it. Perhaps he could handle it. Perhaps, just perhaps, this was all worth it to him.

My cowardice to his confidence… his feigned confidence.

Excerpt #10

She must have felt the pressure. It must have been deafening her ears until she could only hear what the queen told her. The damsel coerced into finding her own way out of the tower and to another higher one, rumored to be filled with success and happiness.

Emims must have felt it. Or, “Emi”, as she commanded everyone to call her.

That was why I never wanted to be like her.

She was the firstborn, the one who had to do well. My mother made sure of that: she put her in dance, speech class, monitored grades to make sure she was in all AP and Honors classes, the occasional sports team as well for good measure. Emims did everything she could to be good enough, though I know it was never good enough for Rani, my mother, the queen with a cigarette in one hand and a word-whip in the other.

My older sister’s views were never able to be individually formed; they were shaped by those thin, smoke stained fingers. Mother taught her to be bossy, confident, to pave her own way, to be superficially smart and efficient. Everything was on the surface, “You’ve got to always have that poker face,” she would say. So, that’s what Emims did.

Even so, there was always one hole in her fashionable armor: her real name.

She hated it. She was ashamed of it. It bothered her to no end.

That’s why I never called her “Emi”. Perhaps someday she would see that she didn’t have to hide to be beautiful.