#sorry for my gay and stupid medical issues

[akirathedramaqueen]

CBT and Exposure Therapy: Blitzø Showcase

An important (really, don't skip) disclaimer

If you are contemplating whether or not you would benefit from any kind of therapy, consider consulting with your medical provider first. While I did my best to validate all the points made using publicly available resources, I am not a medical professional. At the very least, I strongly advise that you do your own research and not take some amateur's opinion about a character from a silly demon show for granted.

"Everyone in this show needs fucking therapy STAT!"

We hear fans screaming into the void every now and then. Me too. I plead guilty and I willingly put myself in custody. But I am not taking these words back.

Especially often it is being said with Blitzø in mind, who, as hinted earlier and clearly shown in the latest episode, Ghostfuckers, is not doing okay. Not in the slightest.

Which is . . . yes. Indeed, trauma-ridden Blitzø is a major problem for both him and those around him. Yes, we see him reaching his lowest point now exactly because he left these gaping wounds untreated for so long.

But the tricky question is—how, though? What to do? Will a good talking to a confidante help? Or, maybe, some kind of shock would snap him out of the spiral?

I've been pondering on this topic for more than 4 months, and, as the Ghostfuckers came out, I finally got all the data I need to prove a point. The show did all the job for me and effectively made Blitzø go through improvised versions of two popular therapy techniques. And, before I even start, I want to say—I am so glad with what we ended up with. What they did, and, more importantly, didn't do, aligns well with how it would likely happen in real life.

So buckle up, and let's see where it gets us!

Therapy # 1. Cognitive-behavioral therapy, or CBT

This is, in essence and with some corrections, your good old talking. Here you can find more information about it, so, if you're not familiar with the topic, I recommend following the link first.

But, very shortly: CBT is an extremely common approach to be tried while you're dealing with anxiety, depression, and a number of other mental disorders. What it aims to do is to help you get past unhelpful thinking (distortions) and learn not to act on it.

Looks like it fits the bill, right? Blitzø has a lot of issues with self-fulfilling prophecies, infuriatingly stupid assumptions, poorly thought-out actions . . .

But he's not like, you know . . . w-we're not, like . . . we're not doing a . . . w-we . . . what's betw— It's a transactional fucking, you see.

If you don't feel like coming, that's OK! I'm sure I can do without it for one month. :)

Stolas only cares about having a rugged peasant raw-dog him into his matress! It's nothing, ya know . . . it's nothing else.

You . . . no longer have any obligation to see me, to touch me, to bed me . . . You are— you are free of me.

He sees things which aren't truly there.

It's not Stolas giving him space after the disaster in the 'Ozzie's.' It must be Stolas not needing him anymore, getting tired of him.

It's not Stolas caring about Blitzø. He is a royal, why would he care how an imp's day he happened to be fucking was?

It's not Stolas setting Blitzø free and putting an end to a problematic transaction they had with the hope for it to grow into something more. It's him getting rid of Blitzø.

As a result, he ends up hurting himself and the relationship he had with that one sad gay bird he happened to fall deeply for but literally trashed in his own house twice, acting on nothing more than frenetic fear of losing Stolas, but in reality, driving him away even more . . . for good.

I mean, you royal fucks think you can do this every time, like you can just play with our feelings because we're smaller and not as important!

Ha! I'm right, aren't I? You get off getting plowed by people you look down on!

And I can sorry more people, everyone but you! 'Cause I don't owe you dick! Everyone, but you . . .

So, the case's closed? Let someone—say, Millie—talk to him and tell him how wrong he was about himself and the others?

Well, here's the thing. Despite him being infinitely wrong about Stolas's intentions, we can't deny the fact that every one of his beliefs was not, in fact, a distortion. It'd led him to wrong conclusions, yes, but it was built on the information he received and legitimate experiences he had in his life. Here are only some of the facts connected to only this situation with Stolas, but there are other problematic behaviors and other reasons for him acting the way he does.

Fact # 1. The circus fire did happen, and Blitzø was the reason for it. Unintentional, and of course it wasn't his fault, but it still ruined the lives of many people—him included. Blitzø cannot act like it never occurred.

Fact # 2. Hell is divided by class and race. Their situationship with the grimoire was an embodiment of that inequality. A lot of Blitzø's outburst during the Full Moon and later in the Apology Tour was connected to it, to his beliefs that Stolas is the same as the rest of the privileged circle. Beliefs, I stress, justified by the real world. Stolas is more of an exception, and even then, his behavior is only different when it comes to Blitzø. He still acts the same toward other imps.

Fact # 3. We knew about Stolas's intentions all along, but before that fateful Full Moon, what Blitzø saw was Stolas avoiding him and not communicating the issue the Ozzie's date had raised. And before Ozzie's? Stolas did act entitled and inappropriate. He was baby-talking to Blitzø and used derogatory terms while addressing him. The dude literally called him an impish plaything in the Truth Seekers.

Fact # 4. Blitzø's heavily implied (though not officially confirmed by the show) existing conditions—ADHD*, BPD**, PTSD, and dyslexia/dyscalculia***—do affect his life, and while Hell seems to be somewhat receptive of neurodivergence, he still has to deal with it every single fucking day. He is going to be avoidant and afraid to be abandoned at the same time. He is going to hate himself. His learning disabilities are going to make his life harder. No way around it.

Note: *, **, and *** contain links to separate meta-analyses from @timkontheunsure and @tealvenetianmask about the respective conditions and how they show themselves in Blitzø's case.

And my beef with CBT here is exactly that. CBT's goal is to gaslight you into believing your distortions hold no water and suggests you just ignore them. And, as I've shown with Blitzø, these reactions and assumptions aren't baseless. They are legitimate, and, in fact, sometimes help to get by. Even though it's a crooked crutch, you can't learn to walk properly by just throwing that crutch away. You're still going to limp, and oh, will it be painful.

This is oversimplistic and dismissive. Anxiety and depression don't come out of the blue, and with mental disabilities, it's even deeper. The class/disability stigma is alive and strong, and just slapping a "you're fine" bandaid on your traumatized self isn't going to help.

Therapy # 2. Exposure therapy.

Exposure therapy is another approach commonly used while dealing with traumatic past and its aftermath—PTSD, anxiety, phobias, and such. Again, if you're not familiar, there's the link for you, but very shortly—the therapist puts the patient in a safe environment and 'exposes' them to the feared object in question for limited periods of time. The goal is to eventually get rid of the targeted fear and decrease avoidance.

And Blitzø has got some phobias for sure.

The fear of letting everyone down. Again.

And the fear of abandonment. Again.

All of it is a result of self-hatred, sitting so deeply it rules his life and his vision of how others perceive him. Said it himself. Almost.

So, where and how does the show expose Blitzø to his traumatic past?

First, the most recent, and the most obvious one—Rolando and his slideshow of all traumatic events Blitzø ever had in his life.

Second—Blitzø's drug trip in the Truth Seekers. While it does not contain the events of the past as they were, it does force him to face his fears.

Are you worried I might have enough of it one day as well? . . . You're going to die alone! . . . You're going to die alone, Blitzo!

With some stretch, the third one is Verosika's 'Blitzo sucks' party. Where Blitzø was forced to see the consequences of his avoidance and rejection.

Note: to be clear, I do think the party does not show the true extent of Blitzø's actions and how much he'd hurt people. It was exaggerated by Verosika, and here I explain why this is the case.

So, what gives? Or, rather, what gives it not?

It might sound funny now, considering I brought it up myself, but I, once again, say this is not therapeutic, just as CBT kind of 'talking.' If anything, all these three events did more harm than good.

The D.H.O.R.K.S.'s goal in the Truth Seekers was to torture the information out of Blitzø. He was not supposed to overcome it. He was supposed to crack.

The Verosika's goal was to ruin Blitzø's reputation. She was working her ass off to prove he's just a heartless freak.

The Rolando's goal was to fucking kill Blitzø.

And okay, their motivations had nothing to do with helping him, but maybe it did, in its own twisted way?

No. The writers added this to push Blitzø past the breaking point, not to heal him, and to show us more of his lore. Each time he was forced to face his past or fears or consequences, he was only spiraling more.

The only thing which did him some good was . . . well, Millie finally seeing his bravado mask falling off. But the cost of it was way too high. Not worth it.

To the therapy's defense, some points why it would never work in the way it was done in the show:

Blitzø had never given his consent and was not ready to face it. I might be very rude right now, but go and try producing some explosion-like sounds in front of war veterans without letting them know first and see what happens.

The amount of fearful experience exposed was way too overboard. He couldn't possibly digest it in a healthy way.

The environment was not safe. It was straight-up retraumatizing, an intentional one.

So there's that.

But what helped then?

We've briefly brushed over the fact Millie did talk to Blitzø. While I did imply this might be an example of CBT, here are some key deviations from the classic therapy which made all the difference.

Millie didn't sugarcoat all the shit Blitzø did. He was hurting their business. He didn't pay her. He was reduced to Bethanie. It showed her opinion can be trusted.

Millie apologized for not being there for him sooner. She admitted she relied too much on Blitzø being bulletproof, unbothered by everything. She admitted she didn't support him in a way he always did.

While proving she could never hate Blitzø, she used their common story, one he knows and can recall. She used evidence to prove him wrong, not a "it's all in your head" bandaid. And more than that, later she proved it with action—not for one second did she believe Rolando and his shittalk about what Blitzø supposedly was thinking about her. Her unwavering faith spoke more than any words ever could.

Getting back to exposure therapy . . . Metaphorically, she reminded Blitzø he can handle a beating or two. And physically beat the infestor demon out of him, which, as we can see later, didn't really affect Blitzø that much. He wasn't even battered. So, apparently, when the said exposure is done by someone who genuinely tries to make you feel better and knows your limits well, it might just work?

And finally, Millie acknowledged Blitzø's pain. She didn't brush it away. She validated him.

What all of this is about?

Like every treatment, too much of a medicine can become poisonous. So are CBT and exposure therapy.

They might help, and lots of research shows they do in certain cases. But there are limitations to what they can and cannot achieve, and they have to be adjusted to each individual story, to each trauma, and they should not be applied as a way to mend the outcome of the trauma without taking into account the story it comes with. Again, legitimate concerns and experiences cannot be brushed away or ignored.

Actualy . . . we've seen where it leads in the show too. In the beginning, Millie was quite dismissive of Blitzø's worries—all of this over a . . . breakup?

And here it comes full circle.

Only when Millie started taking Blitzø seriously, did it help them progress. And look how quickly we've switched from a complete despair to a glimmer of hope! Isn't that a beautiful closing scene?

As a closing note—we do not need to 'fix' Blitzø. After all this shit he went through, there won't be a day where he wakes up and be like, "Hey, I don't hate myself anymore! And look, I'm not afraid to be abandoned or misunderstood!"

I'm sorry to break it to you, but this is a lifelong battle. Being mentally whole, healthy, and constantly happy is no more than a myth, and everyone has their own demons and skeletons to deal with.

What Blitzø needs is some good support system to pull him back when he's down.

And boy, do I hope that one particular owl will fill in that role of unyielding pillar for Blitzø each time our lizard will fall into that pit again. Look, I love Millie, but there's only so much she can do. She can't be always present, she has her own life . . . and her own disaster of a husband to look after (affectionate <3). Here and here @lost-romantique talks about Stolas's capacity of loving, with me occasionally nodding, ha-ha. But to be short—it's fucking immense. And since he loves words, I do believe he has all the energy to tell again and again and again how awesome Blitzø is. Even if Blitzø wouldn't believe it himself.

[joshuaalbert]

watched a flight demonstration and got so viscerally jealous that I almost threw up. world’s most unsuited guy to be obsessed with the nova squadron plotline.

[gravehags]

the idea of the ghouls + papas helping a reader with chronic pain issues holds a special place in my little gay heart <3 it feels so cute I would love a little headcanon of it

i'm sorry you're a chronic pain haver anon here are some hcs about the papas and ghouls for you :)

primo - knows all the right remedies when pain meds just don't cut it and will dote on you endlessly. if you are a weed smoker, he grows the best and will hook you up.

secondo - will insist on taking care of everything for you so you can rest, including making sure you're not harassed by stupid work shit. if your boss has a problem, they can take it up with him.

terzo - firmly believes that distraction helps when you're suffering so he'll do anything from finding something entertaining for you both to watch to being the entertainment - and if you tell him he's being too damn loud he'll shut up immediately and apologize profusely

copia - will wait on you hand and foot, just like primo, and fret over you nonstop. similar to terzo, he believes that he can distract you from your pain with some animal therapy, brought to you by his trusted rat friends.

cumulus - another fretter, will create the perfect little nest for you to curl up in and ensure that you have everything you need. best spooner of the pack, she will hold you and make you feel safe and loved.

cirrus - highly practical - she'll start googling symptoms and treatments on her phone and then rush out to acquire everything you need to help make you feel better, trying one remedy with you after another.

aurora - is the first one to curl up on the couch with you and lend a sympathetic ear when you're just tired and over it. insists she can kiss any ailment away and by the time she's done with you, you honestly believe her.

sunshine - definitely comes from the terzo camp of distracting you from the pain, but in a more lowkey way. she'll hold you in her arms and sing softly to you in between checking in and asking if you need anything.

swiss - another big distraction fan - he'll do whatever he can to make you laugh because he can't stand to see you frowning or in pain. will get his acoustic guitar out and serenade you with whatever songs you like.

mountain - like primo, big on trying remedies brought to you by the things he grows in his greenhouse. big man is incredibly soft and intentional about the way he touches and interacts with you, always checking in.

aether - like cumulus, another fretter. he'll bustle around, collecting anything that he thinks will make you feel better whether that's medication or your nintendo switch or your favorite snack.

dewdrop - more intuitive than people give him credit for (perhaps a leftover water ghoul trait), he can immediately sense something is up with you before you even say it. will hold you incredibly gently and place his soothing warm touch wherever you need it most.

rain - like dew, very intuitive and will ease you up from the couch to climb into a nice hot bath with him, letting you rest your back to his front. when the water finally goes cold, he's cocooning you in a warm fluffy towel and ushering you to bed.

phantom - when he finds out you're having a flare up he's devastated - he hates seeing you in pain and it frustrates him to no end that he can't be of more help. like aurora, an excellent and attentive listener who will help you in any way he can.

[shreddiman]

OHHH!! yall aint ready for this!

I WROTE A ONE-SHOT >:D

Care

Sebastian x M!Reader

!conext¡ the skull mines are my enemy and i wrote this based off that! this is my first real one-shot, so id love any feed back! ENJOY <3

---------------------------------------------

I woke to the white light of Harvey's Clinic. Worried murmurs were muffled from outside the room as my eyes adjusted to the blinding light.

I knew what happened, and though I was covered in bandages the only thing hurting was my ego. Shame and embarrassment suffocated me, and it only got worse when Harvey walked into the room, Maru at his side.

My face paled at that and I kept my head down as I stared at my lap. I was about to get lectured, again, and in front of her no less.

And for the record, no. I dont have a crush on her. Even her dad had assumed it, giving me the old fashion "stay away from my daughter" threat talk. I was tempted to tell the man I was gay, but when gossiping to Maru about her dads many issues, she was thankful i hadnt.

adding that to the list. . .

"Y/N! oh thank goodness you are awake, it took you longer this time round. You werent holding out on me now, were you?"

Maru gave a look as I glanced up, my silence caused a flicker of frustration across her face as she crossed her arms over her chest. My mouth formed a thin line as I looked back down at my lap.

"Hm, 'This time around'? What do you mean by that Harvey?" Her voice was sweet, but I can tell without looking there was a bitterness in her tone. All those times I bumped into Sebastian, Robin.. hell maybe even Demetrius, her father, and lied to them about my state of health? Well the cats of the bag now.

"Oh you dont know? This kids a wreck! Goes out to the mines, comes back half dead," Harvey turns to me, a stern look on his face that I catch a glimpse of as he sits down on his stool.

"Listen kiddo, I dont know what Im going to do with you. You really gotta be more careful. Let me do one last check and then Ill send you on your way, alright?" He bent down a bit to catch my eye, I reluctantly nodded and laid back to allow the doctor to do his thing.

-

It was raining, and it only dampened my mood. I was aching all over, the pain medication Harvey had give me for the time being a weight in my hand as I shoved them into my pocket.

It was still early, and with so much time in the day it felt useless to go home and rest.

The walk to the beach was short, my mind elsewhere as my body moved on basically auto pilot.

The change from wet sand to slippery wood is what caught my attention, and I nearly missed the figure standing at the end of the dock. Sebastian was there, hair damp and flat as his cloths looked darker than usual from the rain. He mustve been out there for awhile.

Thinking about it, one of the first days I had moved here, I found him sitting in nearly the same spot. He talked about how weirdly calming it was, even in the unforgiving downpour. At first, I had laughed at the thought. Being cold and alone in the rain? I couldnt see how thatd bring comfort at all.

Yet, here I was.

I hadnt even said anything, approaching his side as I sat down on the wet wood. I felt his eyes on me, but the feeling grew more intense as I suddenly felt my arm being tugged. I whipped my head toward him in surprise, seeing his concerned expression as he examined my wounds. I felt my embarrassment return.

"What the hell happened to you?" He asked, looking up from my bandages, that were starting to fall apart from the rain, and at me. I wanted to look away from his gaze, feeling shameful but the stern look he gave made me feel like a kid who had gotten caught.

"..Mines. I wasnt as careful as I shouldve been." I say, blankly. I doubt that no matter how sorry I was, he'd be off the wall upset that I had lied to him. I just didnt want anyone to worry about me, I didnt want to think about how difficult it would be to explain the concept of this stupid game I was playing with life.

He dropped my arm, a look of slight betrayal on his face. Taking a deep breath he slumped down beside me, his arms crossed over his chest. Just like his sister, heh.

There was silence for awhile, the rain filling in the gaps of unspoken words. I knew Sebastian wanted to be angry with me, maybe he felt since I was physically injured he'd spare my feelings.

"I wish you wouldve told me, how dangerous it was."

Spoke too soon.

"I know, Im sorry. Your sister gave me the dirtiest of looks when she saw me at Harvey's." I gave a weak chuckle, even with the gray sky's I had hopped to lighten the situation, if only a little.

The lack of reply made me feel uncomfortable, so I continued to ramble on,

"I didnt want people worrying over me. I know thats terrible to say, and impossible to wish for- we're humans, it's natural to worry, to"

I paused, almost as if my own words were surprising me.

"to... care."

I held my arms out in front of me, seeing the damage done beneath the bloodied bandages. The image before me getting blurry as my eyes filled with tears. I opened my mouth to speak, but I wasnt sure I trusted my voice.

"I didnt think.. people cared about me that way. Hell I, I think Im afraid of it. Of people caring. Maybe, I dont deserve it,?" I basically whispered my confession, my shame coming back to hit me 10x harder when I saw Sebastian stand.

This was it, this was the crushing reality I had been waiting for. I wouldnt shut up, and now I made him uncomfortable. Maybe I can understand why Shane prefers his drunken'd state.

All that doubt washed away as Sebastians hand came into view.

"Cmon, lets get out of the rain. Youre starting to shiver."

I was shocked, but obeyed regardless. Taking his hand he pulled me up, wrapping his arm around me to hold me close. I felt the color return to my face, he was out in the rain for as long as me, if not longer and he still radiated off heat like he was a mini heater.

It wasnt long till we reached his house and walked down to his room.

"Stay there."

He stopped me outside his door. Before I could ask why, a clean pair of cloths was presented in front of me, "Bathrooms upstairs to the left, past the kitchen. Change into those and come back when youre done."

I stared at him in disbelief. I wanted to ask so many questions, but all I could muster was a soft,

"Why?"

He stared for a moment, a soft smile stretching across his face as he placed a hand on top of my head.

"Because I care."

---------------------------------------------

aggressively exists, vibrates, kicks legs!!

SO, did you enjoy it :)? im lowkey very happy with it but ngl i barely do this good at writing so dont expect a part two 💀

(unless you ask nicely..maybe)

ANYWAY THANKS BYE LOVE YOU MWAH

[pedripop]

”DELUSIONS?!”

SOAP + KYO + GHOST !

“soap stop bullying me!” + “no can do, dollface.” + “leave him alone, johnny.”

2 golden retrievers + a black cat, 2 soldiers + one medic, “ur gay si” + “ur gayer ky” + “boys, i’m the gayest”, pup + two owners, “LETS WATCH BARBIE!” + “FUCK YEAH LETS DO IT!” + “that’s a girl movie”, loves touch + touch starved + hates touch, movie dates, “bruh we’re all gay for each other?”, mfs who get injured on purpose just to see their medic boyfriend.

KYO + HOBIE !

“i’ll kill you” + “no you won’t” / “kiss?” + “not with that dirty mouth.”

civilian + hero, met at the pub, “he’s cute..” + “why is that weirdo staring at me”, first date anxiety, dinner at a restaurant, “..so you a criminal or something?” + “no but i punch facists” + “kiss me now”, bf who loves going outside + bf who hates the outside, “what are you supposed to be for halloween?” + “a corrupt politician”, bf who gets used as a hostage + bf who is tired of everyone stealing his bf, “miguel kinda fine..” + “you mean that ugly ass mf who tried to kill my homeboy miles?”, tea hater + tea drinker, “can i play your guit-“ + “no.”

MARC + KYO !

“khonshu can kiss my ass” + “ohh! me next!”

grumpy merc bf + preppy barista boyfriend, “that is a fine ass barista” + “is he checking me out?”, black coffee bf + pink drink bf, first date at the park, “so.. cmere often?” + “no ‘m usually in my room rotting away”, bf who hates touch + bf who needs touch at every second, steven gets all nervous around him, marc n steven fight a lot over this, “he’s mine!” + “you’re just an altar!” + “i love you both-“, bf who can’t sleep due to trauma + bf who can’t sleep due to insomnia, bf who can’t cook + bf who loves baking, “what do bees make marc?!” + “honey?” + “yes dear?” + “you’re stupid.”

GAZ + KYO !

“i love you.” + “i love me too.”

both golden retrievers, sergeant + rookie, slight age gap, “you’re cute.” + “i’d be cuter with more money”, bf who kisses his bf to taste his lipgloss + bf who complains over his ruined makeup, bf who loves salty stuff + bf who loves sugar stuff, first date at the movie theatre, horror movie bf + romance movie bf, bf who loves gore scenes + bf who screams at gore scenes, “that’s totally false! i’ve shot a man before n’ that’s not how the wound should look!” + “KYLE WHAT THE FUCK??”, bf who comforts his scaredy cat bf + scaredy cat bf, “live laugh love captain price” + “captain price reminds me of my daddy issues”, “i love men” + “ew wtf stay away”, bf who is a victim of the sassy men apocalypse + sassy boyfriend, “babe i said ‘m sorry for eating the last slice of cake!” + “don’t talk to me, i don’t know you, ‘m finding a new boyfriend.”

‘ll write more later ‘m just gonna post this and add more when i get more ideas. also shoutout to @angelsinmystomach for letting me use their idea :333

[papirouge]

the abortion discourse in feminist tumblr is so unhinged sometimes (I mean advocating for killing children because they're inconvenient is unhinged in any case :v), just a couple of greatest hits I have witnessed over the past ~3 years:

"disabled people sharing their stories doesn't belong in the abortion debate" I get where they are coming from, they don't want women to feel like they're pressured to keep a disabled child... but on the other hand has it occurred to any genius saying this that disabled people share their stories vis a vis abortion because the medical industry scaremongers women to... pressure them to abort (potentially) disabled fetuses? perhaps they only wish to comfort women in a tight spot who want encouragement that choosing to keep their babies is not a bad thing to do in spite of pressures from society and their medical providers to abort a child they want. or perhaps it will encourage other women that raising a disabled child is not a death sentence and that the disability isn't a guarantee that your child will be unhappy or incapable of living a full life?

"people conceived in rape should have no place in the abortion debate" same as above, people share these stories because they wish to provide examples to put women's fears to rest. but what I find interesting is how women who do choose to keep their babies conceived in rape are ignored by the pro-abortion side of the debate, I have read articles by pro-choice women who chose to keep their babies after being raped and they have to face so much vitriol from their own side that they feel there is no place for them at all in the discourse

and what is especially frustrating about all of this is these idiots will trash talk disabled people and people conceived in rape constantly, they are the most ableist people imaginable, and then they get huffy when those two contingents aren't pro-choice or speak out against all of the crap they have to hear on a daily basis... from the pro-abort side of the debate. gee I don't know why they wouldn't gladly support abortion if abortion advocates are constantly being shitheads to them! their brains just shut off entirely when it comes to abortion, you'd blindly support it or else you hate women >:-C

Hm sorry but forbidding disabled people from entering the abortion debate is stupid lol

Disability is one of the top excuses abortionists want to remove some people the right to live, it is necessary to let the voice of disabled people be heard. Whether they're in favor or against abortion. Disabled women can be mom too so they totally have their place in the debate about abortion.

This reminds me of an article featuring a disabled woman who was pressured by her family and friends to not have a child and I think the radfem & abortion freaked out at this one lol It's all about "my body my choice" until a disabled woman wants to have a child lol

They'll be like "why birthing a human being that may have a life of suffering (passing down her disability genes)??" and I can't help but think "you radfem never shut up about how being a woman is hard and how we're constantly oppressed and abused - yet I never see you advocate to stop having baby girls, so what makes you think it's ok to say that about people with disabilities?" ....I never got an answer, of course lol

And we could go as far as any other socially "stigmatizing" traits, such as being black as well. Which makes sense considering how abortion is targeting black communities... Everything is connected.

And on a different tangent, when I see how so many pro abortion radfem had no issue full on supporting Zionism racial suprematist agenda relying on the brutalization of "brown Arab savages wired to abuse women and gays" I can't help but connect the dots. Abortion culture and genetic/racial supremacism isn't as much of a big leap than most people think.

[theuniverseawakens347]

Me putting your body out there for you bitches in botched competition is NOT A COMPLIMENT- ONLY MEN N WOMEN CHECKING FOR IT IN FLATTER OF YOURS VS THEIRS IS WEAK MINDED MEANING RAPE VICTIMS.

- MANY LEVELS TO RAPE CULTURE.. psychological physical sexual and emotional and ME FUCKING SPIRITUAL - ALL THESE BITCHES WHO LOOK LIKE ME OR PUTTING MY DETLA DNA BREAK DOWNS N THEM ARE LEADING W THEIR TITS ASS OR FUCKING CURVES BEFORE SHOW CASING ANY FUCKING REAL TALENT TO ASPIRE A YOUTH OR ELDER TO WANT TO MOVE THEIR BODY TO A PLACE OF HAPPINESS AND JOY - NICE MURDERING OF INNOCENCE- UR INNER KIDS STARVED N LEFT FOR DEAD.

… you made a society that forces ppl into a hole of I gotta starve or do some dumb shit for what they deem a necessity for their living lifestyle to be played off as okay to the public.

- cash when have you last showered and why!? - at a rapist apartment bc the water offered had the option of being warm - PLANET FITNESSES DOES ICE SHOWERS IM TINY AS FUCK - ST FRANCIS HYPOSHOCK “therapy “ DOESNT WORK FOR SOMEONE W LITTLE TO NO BODY FAT NATURALLY … “gut health” … I DONT HAVE THE ISSUES THE OTHER GIRLS WHO LOOK LIKE ME GOT - LEE FORGED MY MEDICAL RECORDS DR WATSON BUT HER MALE DOCTOR AT UCLA “ur anemic based on the whites of ur eyes” ABSOLUTELY SO YOU CAN PULL MY FUCKING BLOOD FOR EVELYNS FUCKING BBL AND JASMEAN BOTOX N INDIA BBL FILLERS WIINTR..

IM BEYOND HEALTHY EVEN WHEN YOU CUNTS STARVE ME - IM DEAD WALKING AROUND IN MY GHOST FORM BUT W FLESH - THE BODY AND FUCKING FLESH OF CHRIST YOU CANT COMPREHEND VISUALLY SO YOU THINK DRAINING ME IN FULL W BRING THE FUCKING HOLY GHOST UR STARING AT - IM GAUNT AND THEN WHEN AROUND SPIRITUAL NATURAL FAMILY OR SOMEONE IS SYPHONING OFF MY BLOOD …

IM THICC WHEN IM FULL NATURAL IN MY OWN ZONE - SHANYCE YOU PUT ON WEIGHT LIKE EVELYN TO GET LIPO AND MY FUCKING STEM CELLS YOU NASTY STUPID FUCKING CUNT COI LERAY TO SAY UR MY MOM DARNIECE WEHN I GET OFF THE STREETS.

NO. YOU CANT FUCKING KILL ME BUT IMA FUCKING LEGALLY KIKL ALL YOU STUPID FUCKING HOES. AND LEE FUCK YOU IN FULL MISUSING MY MOM DARNIECE AND DAD LIKE ME TO DO YOUR FUCKING TERRORIST THREATS - THE WORSE FUCKING SNIPER EYE PI YOU. - WHY YOU DONT COME TO THE LIB TO ACTUALLY FEED ME .. how you gon give money to a stranger to me but someone you had rob Howard your wedding night or beat him up so you cud sue the church back for the $$

“Oh im so sorry well comp back 1/2 of ur wedding rental for the incident please don’t hold a grudge to our business”

Lee “oh it’s fine I’ll just have Judy Carter and other lesbian friends of mine specifically get married and this church and my brother n cousin and do the same shit now that I know it worked for demi mores wedding too”

- I BLEW A HOLE IN MY CREDIT NOW I GOTTA DO FINACIAL FRAUD BY RISKING 2 pac Naz and others lives bc welp “fuck blacks and gays white supremacy Westley victor Raymond taught me in the church 1961 watching black gay girls die” - Harvey milk let me help ur campaign grow but then get you raped sexually and START AN AIDS COMMUNITY WHERE WE PURPOSELY RAPE VICTIMS THEN SUE THEM FOR EMOTIONALLY AND BODILY HARM while I get you murdered AFTER BEING THE FACE OF A CAMPAIGN- ANY WAR HALL BENEFICIARIES - JAMAL RON HENDERSON WHYD YOU MAKE ME URS AFTER WE BROKE UP 2020 in like Aug Sep?? LEE GARLINGTON OR HOWARD NUGENT FOR FUCKING ME OVER .. then a yr later lets kill cashay and work him like a slut to make back our money but eqsy kill on her and Tristan bc like welp double the pleasure lot I got slaves turning who need to eat - MAY 2021 “robbery” of Victoria park house … but like Aug 11-15? 2021 let’s send men cashay doesn’t know to her apartment to kidnap her .. RANSOM … how would that work Lee when UR LEADING IT AND THEIR ASKING YOU FOR MONEY BC NO ONE SAID ANYTHING BOUT WHO MY REAL PARENTS ARE YOU NIMROD!

- nefarious crimes from the penthouse executive suite of Victoria park where Lee pretends to be “nothing more than a mother and wife w hobbies [i] don’t have time to do the crazy lunatic things you accuse me of bc for whatever reason THEN W UR GRANDMA AND MOTHER THEY WENT SMOOTH BUT WITH YOU STUPID LITTLE SHIT FUCK IM CLEARLY GUILTY”

- I know you fucking dumbass ass cunt ITS CALLED GOD. YOU GOT MANY PORTRAITS OF ME HANGING IN THE HOUSE YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH A REMINDER IM GOING TO FUCKING KILK YOU FOR ALL THE BLACKS AND GAYS AND MINORITIES RACES AND SMALL POCKETS YOU BIG BANKED HUNTED IN THAT SHIT FUCKING HOUSE.

- ur fucking dead and I’m pulling the trigger personally WITH YOU IN FRONT OF LAPD. STUPID BITCH. FOR HOWARD.

[nityarawal]

Scotty-

Sorry call dropped. Phone died. You still haven't sent solar charger or gotten my kids & assets.

No rape or murder warrants as of yesterday. A clerk finally picked up at Sandiego PD but everyone keeps telling me to call my PD. They don't work or return calls and clerks are rude & bitchy- hang up. They know they're in deep shit on murder bribes in probate fraud.

1203 Judge Davis's clerk called yesterday to say not to call again. I understand Judge Kelly Mok and Judge Davis were sanctioned 80% of paychecks. This is wonderful news! Thanking my legal team for support now!(:

We'd actually like to have all rotating judges and courtrooms recalled involved in foul play on my case in 6 years. Scotty feels bad they're losing jobs but I tend to feel worse for Mommies they murdered. Scotty says he doesn't hate his mom after 64 years of government handling. But he hasn't returned to her home to visit his sister yet because the stigma of his father smearing Mrs. Valentine with law enforcement rapes in front of him- has imprinted on his memory. He deals with toxicity- mommy hatred and sodomizing of courts- for they raped him stupid on drugs. We survived it and want to help my kids heal now.

Dr. Bug is still intending to assist with uncoupling via Gwyneth Paltrow "uncoupling" team so no one else is murdered as a probate on my team.

This is a serious issue and likely public defense will close down next week.

Get your friends out of prison.

I called congress & assembly woman at governors office & alerted government Mrs. Jackson- Jones life is under Duress with Covid.

Please transfer her to a civilian hospital. I was promised confirmation of this yesterday. She's a 72 year old Chicagoan black mother of 5 that was kidnapped on holiday by RSO politically racist Sheriff at Desert Train Station.

She's a civil Activist I deeply admire for her health crusader research and teachings on gut health.

Mrs Jackson relies on Urine Therapy but dentist ripped out all her teeth last month and she can barely talk!

Luckily she'd memorized congressman Daughtery's number.

Lady clerk was bitch and didn't understand Mrs. J's health issues- was extremely racist- and even assembly woman's clerk at office said they're not doctors.

No they are not

This is point Chowchilla is mass murdering on petty crime and these mothers and Grandmother's are not allowed any medical services.

They've been in covid quarantine isolation for 4 years barred from their benefits and Healthcare.

This is Riverside County Healthcare IEHP - inland Empire Healthplan- we witnessed them kill for gay mommy haters at Dr's, obyn, therapists & all forensics- except Dr. Adam Cash.

Please close every foul Dr's office that lied to me and sold me on black market.

Your jobs aren't more important than mine. Mothers have most important role in universe.

It's unfortunate so many Dyke Judges & PD's are Sterile.

They also Sterilized Britney with a handler. We want to press charges against Sammy's cop uncle for molesting and grooming Sammy into her probate con.

We'd also like to prosecute Broker Joe Jelly and his pimps for selling Darin David Joye on black market as a child to gay attys.

None of defense sodomising was good for our families, bands (Birds of Olympus died! Best Irish band since Beatles! Because of his handler job on atty cons at PD!)

We've had enough of toxic handlers spin doctoring us!

Dr. Bug just called back and was doubting our rape testimonies.

He was needling, asking if I was molested. He knows I was- by David Farley Kaplan but his intention is to attack Catholics. A neo-nazi handler?

I told him whole US Army raped me. Then he laughed and said, " That's Alot of Dick!"

Actually it was alot of Dykes.

No transvestites don't have dicks.

The US army & Airforce are recruiting for trans nation.

Wake up.

The attys immigrate them- steal from Ukraine & MX- and yes America too.

This is a genocide on woman, mothers and babies.

It needs to stop now.

Dissolve my estate with Dr. Sunil Rawal.

We do not welcome him nor sponsor him in USA and we don't feel our courts should have either.

They've been grossly ignorant of real estate law in name of greed.

They think they work for the buck.

They don't.

They work for me & you- our tax dollars. Every government clerk in California lacks manners and basic civilian business skills favoring organised crime.

Every single one of them needs to be fired. Social services murdered millions in name of #ObamaCare & we don't appreciate @nityacapital plagerising my name in America- as first published and copy righted "Nitya" in USA- they are mass murdering universities in name of mental health crime.

Neo nazis are paying for these Indian elections.

We long for spiritual mothering of India- not commercial rape and extortion globally.

What a disappointing election with a manic Indian like our x on stand.

Please don't vote Indian or for lawyers ever again!

Scotty is calling me off hook.

Look Mrs J will die today if I can't get my work done.

Go call court and do your job if you want any left over attention after 5pm at the end of business day.

I'm at library and don't feel like giving cops any more exciting data to drool over on video.

They're so stupid- we really can't risk talking to them. It's just one mistake after another. We reccomend to release all moms, fire the judges.

PDs don't need to be nervous of how their victims will be released.

We will take care of it.

Send the attys to Princess dorm.

Write me and I'll make sure staff improves their care plan.

Xo

Love,

Nitya Huntley Rawal

Encinitasbeachhome.com

[c-optimistic]

Hallo! I greatly enjoy your writing, for everything really, and whenever you get the chance and some inspo hits, wouldya write somethin sweet and gay? Whatever you're feeling, I'm sure I'll enjoy it! Thank you v kindly and I hope you have a lovely evening/day!

Kara shifted in the chair, feeling a tiny bit uneasy. Her nurse—a young woman who introduced herself as Nia when Kara had been called from the waiting room—smiled kindly and paused her typing on the desktop situated on the study table in the examination room.

“First time getting your eyes checked?” she said knowingly, voicing the question though the answer was clear in Kara’s fidgeting hands and on Nia’s computer screen, proclaiming Kara to be a first-time patient. “You shouldn’t worry, Dr. Luthor is the best ophthalmologist in the business. She’s world renowned, not that she’d ever admit to it.” It seemed like that last part was more for Nia’s benefit than Kara’s, said in a slightly miffed mumble as she turned her attention back to the computer. “Any known allergies?”

Kara blinked, feeling a bit trapped. “Um, no, but—”

“—we don’t have any medications listed for you. Is that right? You’re not on any prescriptions?”

“Oh, no. I’m not. But I—”

“—I see you wear glasses. When was the last time you got a prescription? Did you want to get new frames, we can—” Finally Kara had enough. She reached out and grabbed Nia’s hand, causing her to fall silent. “This is weird. Is this a come on? Because you’re really pretty, but I don’t swing that way.” 

“No, I—wait, what?” Kara released Nia, feeling as though she’d been burned. “No! Not a—not a come on, I would never—”

“Look, it’s okay. I didn’t think so, you seem...well, nice. But I have a lawyer friend who owes me a favor so...I can have you sued. Just so you know.” She narrowed her eyes in an attempt, unsuccessful unfortunately, to look intimidating. “So what is it? You look like I tried to drown your cat.”

“I shouldn’t be here,” Kara confessed, meeting Nia’s eyes steadily. The nurse blinked owlishly at her, clearly lost.

“I don’t follow,” she said, confirming what Kara already knew. 

“Look, I’m going to trust you, okay? There’s nothing actually wrong with my eyes. Or my health in general. I’m in like perfect health. By human standards, maybe more than perfect. But I don’t want to sound arrogant or anything, you know?”

Nia’s head was cocked to one side as she studied Kara. “Sorry, I still don’t follow.” 

“I’manalien,” Kara said in a rush, and judging from the way Nia’s eyes widened and her expression cleared, she understood Kara perfectly. 

“Well that explains all...that,” she gestured wildly to Kara. “So what’s the issue? Dr. Luthor is super supportive of aliens. She’s one of the only doctors in National City to—”

“—I don’t need glasses!” Kara interrupted, not really needing to hear about Dr. Luthor. “Look, I’m only here because,” she paused, not sure if she was willing to give the long explanation of how her work mishap, the stupid excuse she’d mumbled out, and a well-meaning coworker’s insistence to help (with a voice in Kara’s head that sounded suspiciously like Alex reminding her to keep her secret identity secret when she tried to get out of the whole thing) led her here to this moment, “it doesn’t matter. I just need your help. Tell the doctor I don’t need to be seen, give me a fake prescription, and I can go on my way.” 

Nia frowned, shaking her head. “Dr. Luthor would never buy it, and she has to sign the prescriptions. She’s very particular about it. You’re here, you may as well just...get your eyes checked?”

“My alien eyes that can shoot lasers and see through anything but lead? Those eyes?” 

“That’s so cool,” Nia breathed out, but she was focused. She pulled a drawer open and pulled out to eye drops. “One is to numb, the other is to dilate.” She paused, eyeing the bottles then Kara. “Would you even need a numbing agent?” 

Kara resisted the urge to tell Nia that her cousin once had a bullet to the eye and it just dropped to the ground, harmless to a Kryptonian. Instead, she leaned her head back, allowing Nia to apply the drops, reassuring her the whole time that she’d help with Dr. Luthor. She winked at Kara before slipping out of the exam room, leaving only a single dimmed light on, assuring her the “doctor would be in soon.” 

Kara closed her eyes—which felt no different from before she’d gotten the eye drops—and leaned her head back. She couldn’t leave, she didn’t want to stay, and she was just about to declare this one of the worst days in the last year at best, when there was a knock at the door and it swung open. 

And standing there, bathed in the bright light of the hallway, was the most beautiful woman Kara had ever seen, a grinning—and all too smug—Nia standing right behind her. 

She had long dark hair, brilliantly green eyes, wore the tightest dress Kara had ever seen, with heels that she was sure were murder to walk in all day. The sleeves of her white coat were rolled up to her forearms, her bright red lips were curved into a breathtaking smile. 

“Hi,” said the walking angel, “I’m Dr. Lena Luthor. Nia tells me you wanted to check your eye pressure and get a new prescription?” 

Kara nodded numbly, struck dumb by Dr. Luthor’s easy grace. 

Nia snickered, actually snickered, as she closed the door behind them, leaning against it as Lena pulled a chair in front of Kara and motioned for her to bring her face up to the tonometer. “Forehead against, yes, and chin on the rest down there...perfect,” Dr. Luthor said gently, her voice like honey. Kara couldn’t help it, her eyes followed Dr. Luthor’s, wanting to memorize the shade. She was so busy trying to decide whether it was an emerald or sea green, forgetting entirely her misgivings about being here in the first place, that she missed the first part of Nia’s attempt to ‘help.’

“—quite extraordinary, don’t you think?” Nia finished, causing Dr. Luthor to pull slightly away, cheeks tinged pink. 

For the first time, Lena Luthor was something just below perfection, stumbling over her words a little as she responded. “Oh, yes, um. They are. Looking at eyes is my job, Ms. Danvers, but yours are—well, like Nia said, so unprofessionally, they’re quite extraordinary.” She leaned back in, looking a little interested. “In fact, they’re almost—”

“—your eyes are very green,” Kara blurted, both because she was thinking it with Dr. Luthor’s face so incredibly close and because she wasn’t sure if she wanted a world renowned ophthalmologist looking too carefully at her eyes, lest she see something, well, inhuman. “Do your patients ever mention that?”

“For sure, but you’re probably the first person Dr. Luthor wants to hear it from,” Nia said, which had the doctor in question turn around and flash her a dirty look, and had Kara spluttering. 

“Your lawyer friend should sue you,” Kara managed before refocusing her attention on Dr. Luthor. “I’m really sorry about commenting on your eyes. That was rude. I said the quiet part out loud. Can the numbing agent for the eyes cause a loose tongue?” 

It was the stupidest thing to say, Kara knew it as soon as the words escaped her, embarrassment heating her cheeks and the back of her neck as Nia choked on laughter and Dr. Luthor seemed, well, angelic. 

“You know, Nia tells me you have very interesting eyes,” Dr. Luthor said, her tone and the stressing of ‘interesting’ making it very clear Nia had told her about the laser vision. “You don’t need a doctor.”

“I need a fake prescription.”

“I can write you a note instead,” the doctor offered, getting Kara to lean back in her chair and tugging the tonometer out of the way. “Would that work?” 

“Could you say I can’t see with my old glasses and that’s why I ran into a table and knocked over a coworker’s favorite mug, not that I broke it by trying to heat their coffee with my laser vision?” 

Dr. Luthor laughed, the sound like the jingling of bells. It was beautiful and was thoroughly distracting. “I think that’s a lot for a note. What about, you have vision issues I’ve never seen before?” 

Kara thought about it for a moment, then nodded, sticking her hand out for the doctor who stared at it with a fond smile on her lips. “You’ve got a deal, Dr. Luthor,” she said, waiting for the angel to take her hand. After several seconds, during which Lena Luthor met and held Kara’s gaze, she reached out and took Kara’s hand, her index and middle finger sliding against the inside of Kara’s wrist. She opened her mouth—to say what, Kara wasn’t sure—when Nia cut in.

“In return for the note, Kara will take you to coffee. Oh look you shook on it! That’s an oral contract, my lawyer friend will sue you if you don’t go on that date.”

Kara blushed and glared at Nia, ready to let the doctor off the hook, but Dr. Luthor’s grip on her hand tightened. And when Kara’s eyes met Lena Luthor’s incredibly green ones, she noticed they were crinkled in a smile. 

“When we go to coffee,” she said softly, “you have to call me Lena. All my dates do.” 

[makaias-trash-heap]

Soooooo lately ya girl here has been running into a lot of writing issues so I gave something a try...BACK TO BASICS FOR WHAT I ORIGINALLY MADE THIS BLOG FOR!!! First time I’ve written anything for my favorite Tsundere in a while. Enjoy!! Just more of my own self indulgent writing while I have no requests.

“Sooooo, guess who I just heard from.” 

Shin glanced up from his book with his usual blank expression, “Why not just tell me?”

Mira smiled and rolled her eyes slightly, “My parents. They called and asked me to come over for dinner for my sister's birthday this weekend.” She stated, plopping on the couch next to him.

Mirdorima raised an eyebrow giving her an intrigued look, “This is the first time they've wanted you over since we've been together nanodayo.” 

Mira hummed in agreement leaning into his side, naturally causing him to blush like always. 

“Are you going?” 

Mira shook her head, “Probably not.”

“Why not?”

“Shin, my family and I haven't gotten along in years. I've tried going over a few times and it always ends in a fight.”

She ignored the look he gave her in favor of playing with his fingers, a habit she picked up on when he still tapped them.

“Mira, they're still your family nanodayo. We've been together for nearly 3 years and I don't recall you seeing them at all.”

“Not true, I've seen my brother.”

“Mira.”

“Look, I don't want to go because I don't want to fight and that's exactly what will happen. Especially going now.”

He gave Mira a slight confused look, “What does that mean?”

She sighs turning to face him, “We've been together for about 3 years and aren’t engaged, I'm perfectly with how things have been going but my parents are incredibly judgmental and will nag and question why. There's also the fact that I’m 2 years older than you. And even though it’s incredibly stupid, my parents will not agree with the fact that I'm with someone younger than me. And to top all of that off I'm pregnant out of wedlock, big no no to my parents. We also fight about my brother everytime I'm there. I guess they invited him too so this is going to be twice the chaos.” 

Midorima adjusted his glasses looking down at her, “I understand these situations can be uncomfortable, but they're still your family and you haven't seen them in years. For all you know they may have changed from the last time you saw them.” 

Mira halfheartedly glared at him and sighed realizing this wasn't going anywhere, “You aren't letting this go until I agree to go are you?”

“I don't intend to.”

“Fine. But if I have to deal with them you're coming with me.”

He turned his full attention to her, “What! Why am I involved in this?”

“You got involved when you bugged me into going. And besides, as you've said, we've been together for 3 years, and you've yet to meet my family.”

If looks could kill Mira would be dead right now, multiple times over. 

“You'll see why I don't get along with them and I promise you'll never end up going with them again and you won't bug me into it.”

Midorima lets out a sigh leaning back into his seat, “I suppose. When are we supposed to be there?”

“Saturday at 5.” 

(Skip to weekend)

“Remind me again why we're here?” Mira groaned as they pulled up in front of her parents house. She ignored the slightly surprised look that snuck his way to his face. She’d given him warning that her family was pretty well off. 

He recovered quickly enough, “Because they're your family nanodayo.”

Mira rolled her eyes trying to mentally prepare herself for the interaction tonight. They climbed out of the car and started making their way up to the house. Mira spotted her brother coming up the sidewalk and waved.

“So you decided to come too huh.” Kenjuro said, returning the gesture.

“Not really, Shin forced me into it. I'm kinda surprised you came though.” 

He shrugged, “Boyfriend forced me to. He offered to come for moral support but you and I both know that that would have been a really bad idea.”

“How’s Reo-chan doing?” Mira asked as they started walking up the sidewalk to the house.

“Good. I watched him play basketball with his old team from high school. So that was kinda exciting .”

They finally reached the door and stood awkwardly glancing at each other until Midorima gently nudged her forward.

“Ok ok sheesh.”

Mira knocked on the door secretly hoping that her parents would ignore them and not answer….sadly that did not happen. Much to her dismay her sister Aika answered the door. 

“Hey Kenjuro, Mira.” Aika greeted them with a fake sweet smile.

“Hey Aika, happy birthday.”

Mira slipped past her with Kenjuro and toed her my shoes off pulling Midorima in behind her. 

“Hello Mira, Kenjuro. We're glad you could make it.” Her parents appeared at the door to greet them

“Hey mom, hey dad.” Mira forced a smile. 

“Who is your guest Mira?”

“Oh, right, Um, mom dad, this is Midorima Shintarou, my boyfriend. Shin, these are my parents.” 

“It's nice to meet you Hashigawa-San.” Midorima politely greeted her parents. 

“The pleasure is ours. Please right this way. Dinner is almost ready.”

Everyone started filing into the dining room, Mira and Midorima following behind last. 

“I don't understand your concern. Your parents seem rather pleasant.” He mumbled quietly so only Mira could hear it. 

“Oh, just wait for dinner. That's usually when the show starts.”

They all took a seat at the table, Kenjuro sitting as far as possible from their parents. Which left Mira and her sister to sit by them. Midorima sat next to Mira starting to notice the awkward atmosphere.

“So Mira. It's been a while since we've last spoken. What have you been up to?” Her father asked after a few moments of silence.

Mira hesitated a second before preparing to answer, this most likely this wasn’t going to go well.

“Working mostly, I just finished up art school not that long ago so I've been working freelance for a while. Making films for tourist companies, helping design Billboards, things like that.” 

Her parents stayed quiet before turning their attention to Midorima.

“Midorima-San, may I ask what you do for a living?”

“I am going into the medical field. I'm currently working on my internship at the hospital.” Midorima straightened up answering.

Mira’s father nodded, “Then a man as logical as you, you can't support this crazy dream of hers.”

Midorima froze and glanced at Mira before answering, “It's her decision to make and if it's something that she feels strongly about then naturally she has my support.” 

Her father was about to say something when he was cut off, “Now now dear, we're trying to have a nice civilized dinner tonight. Ok, this is a discussion we can have another time.”

Mira quickly turned her attention back to her food to avoid more questions. It worked for a while. Although this point Midorima was very uncomfortable. Kenjuro followed Mira’s lead but he's usually safe from questions. Their parents hate the fact that he's gay so they usually don't even acknowledge that part of his life. 

“Mira.” 

Mira looked up from her plate to see her mom holding the wine bottle out to her.

“Oh no thank you mom. I'm good.”

Aika snorted across the table, “wow, you of all people are turning down alcohol?”

Mira rolled her eyes, “do you really want to go there Aika?”

She shrugged, “I'm just saying for a while here sobriety was not your strong suit,” Mira shot a glare at her across the table, “oops sorry, did your boyfriend not know about that?”

“Do mom and dad know you've been sneaking into the liquor cabinet since you were like 14?” Mira shot right back at her.

Of course he knows, he helped her get her act cleaned up. Still a rather sensitive topic right now.

“Ok that's enough you two.” 

Mira rolled her eyes at her dads warning, ready to leave. On top of the unpleasant conversation, the constant nausea from the morning sickness was rough on her today.

“Mira, you ok?” Kenjuro asked, starting to notice her discomfort.

She just nodded waiting for the nausea to subside, “Yeah, stomach is just a little upset.”

Naturally Aika didn't seem to miss a thing.

“Oh my god you're pregnant aren't you?”

Mira immediately tensed up, hoping to completely avoid this topic, “What are you talking about?”

“You aren’t drinking which is pretty out of the ordinary for you, you’re randomly sick and I’ve noticed the weight gain.” Aika quickly insinuated.

Mira didn't answer, deciding instead just to get up and get ready to leave. Midorima grabbed her hand to stop her, it seems like he has other plans.

“They were going to eventually find out Mira.” He said, looking up at her.

“Is that a confirmation?” Her father looked back and forth between them waiting for an answer.

Mira sighs, “Yeah dad, it is. I'm pregnant.” 

Neither of the parents said anything right away. The tension gathering in the air was enough to show that this news was about to be either very well accepted or very poorly.

“We had the perfect life laid out for you. All you had to do was do as you were told and follow it.” Her father started to lecture, “First you turn down one of the best universities in Japan, and then rather than going to any university at all for a real career, you start to follow this ridiculous idea at some art school, and now you're 23 and pregnant. You couldn't have at least been decent enough to get married before spreading your legs for the first guy to take interest in you?!” 

For the first time in an argument with them, Mira was speechless. Her father certainly had a tendency to be cruel, but that was low even for him. He continued yelling, Kenjuro and Aika eventually getting involved in the argument. Mira started to tune out the yelling. This whole night has done nothing but stress her out, and stress is not good for her right now. She felt a sharp pain rip through her abdomen and lower back which snapped her back to reality and the current argument at hand.

“I don't understand where I went wrong with the two of you. My son is a faggot and my daughter is a who-”

“That's enough,” Mirodrima said sternly, “I understand you don't agree with Mira’s life choices. But you cannot control her. She is an adult and it's still her decision to make. As for her being pregnant. No it's not ideal timing right now. My parents were rather disappointed as well. 

We’re not married, and I’m only 21 years old and in medical school while starting this family, but we’re doing it. And my parents have never once referred to myself or Mira in such a derogatory manner.”

“Shintarou.” Mira grabbed his hand and squeezed to get his attention. 

He crouched by her side, “What's wrong?”

“Can we go? I'm starting to cramp badly and I'm just ready to go home.” She whined starting to stand up.

“Yeah let's go, but I'm going to call your doctor to make sure that things are ok before we go home.” 

He helped her stand up and started walking with her to the front door. He occasionally glared back behind them to make sure their family got the hint to leave them alone. Kenjro followed behind them to the car. Midorima helped her into the passenger seat taking her keys to drive.

“Feel better sis, call me later so I know things are ok.” 

Kenjuro closed the door and then went around to talk to Midorima who was on the phone. Once he hung up he turned his attention to Kenjuro to talk to him before climbing into the car.

“How are you feeling? Are you still in pain?” 

She shook her head, “No, it stopped for now. I just feel really sick now.”

He nodded and started the car. The ride home was fairly silent as he focused on the road and Mira focused on not throwing up. He pulled up to their apartment and he quickly came around to her side in case she needed help getting inside. 

“Your doctor said that as long as you aren't bleeding and you don't continue to be in pain that you should be ok. Sometimes some cramping isn’t uncommon, especially in stressful situations. But if they start again she wants us to come immediately,” He explained while they were settling in the bedroom, “so if you're in pain like that again I don't care what time it is wake me up and we’ll go ok.” 

Mira nodded changing into one of his shirts to sleep.

“Why do you insist on stealing my clothes all the time, you have your own dresser full of them.” He grumbled and changed as well.

“Oh stop whining,” She teased looking back at him, “I only steal your shirts and it's only for bed. Besides you never wear these.” 

He grumbled under his breath again while he settled in bed. Mira crawled in next to him and curled up into his side. He's finally used to cuddling with her...it only took him forever to do so. He turned on the lamp on his side of the bed signaling that he planned on reading for a bit before bed.

“Don't fall asleep with your glasses on again.” Mira said rolling over to turn off the light.

He scoffed, “that was once.”

She chuckled, situating herself into a comfortable position to drift off. Mira was nearly asleep when Midorima poked her in her back to get her attention.

“Hmm? What's up?” She rolled over and looked at him. 

“What your parents said earlier, it's bothering me.”

She sighed and sat up, “Just ignore it. Don't ever let anything they say bother you. Like you saw they're a bunch of judgmental assholes.”

He shook his head, “Nothing like that. They aren't bothering me. It just has me thinking. Are you really ok with how things are going?”

She cocked an eyebrow at his question, “I told you earlier I was. I mean, so long as you aren't planning on taking off on me anytime soon I'm perfectly fine with how we're doing ok.” 

He nodded, setting his book aside, “we should go to sleep.”

Mira leaned over and kissed Midorima before laying back down, “Goodnight Shin.”

Midorima returned the kiss and put his book away before laying down and wrapping his arm around her, “Goodnight Mira.”

[ghostietea]

I would love to hear those Akito headcanons! (Also your Akito metas are amazing :D)

Thanks!!! As requested, here's some of the Akito headcanons from my masterdoc:

-Akito slowly and intimidatingly slinks around the estate because she is a powerful and scary God certainly not because she will pass out if she stands up too fast

-at the end of Furuba Akito should have permanently ended things with Shigure and then walked around acting like a 50 year old twice divorced woman even though she's like around 20 and they weren't even formally dating. Ex: Akito, wearing a huge vintage fur coat she found in some closet over slacks and a blouse, taking a sip from a glass filled with a beverage comprised of like one drop of wine and a bunch of cranberry juice: "Just kicked my ex out for the second time. Good riddance, you see-"

-Stole an eyeliner from Kagura one time when she was like 13 and promptly stabbed herself in the eye with it on accident and blamed Kagura.

-Can't even use a microwave. Don't let her cook your kitchen will burn

-When she was a baby Ayame tried to recreate the presentation of Simba with her and dropped her on the floor

-The one time she broke a bone it was because she got pissed off and punched a wall really hard

-Didn't like lit class. Likes reading but hates things like "effort" and "critical thinking." Payed someone else to write the essays she mailed in to school.

-Lesbian but doesn't know what a gay is. Doesn't think anyone suspects anything when she's climbing all over Kureno and Shigure not just because she's generally clingy but because she doesn't know gay people exist. Someone (Hana) has to stage an intervention to inform her that she is gay years in the future after months of everyone having to listen to her talk about how pretty and neat girls are as part of what she thinks is her unlearning being a raging misogynist.

-Demigirl she/they nonbinary but doesn't figure it out for years after she stopped presenting as a man

-Gets anxious about how clumsy Tohru is because of… that incident. One time saw Tohru fall down a flight of stairs and panicked and now she links arms with her anytime they go on stairs.

-Actually sorta likes dressing androgynously when it's her choice. Chronic dressing like a gay person syndrome. 

-Didn't keep her hair long. Cut it off after like a month in a moment of passion with a pair of kitchen shears and then had to reluctantly slink off to have someone make it look presentable.

-Secretly loves plushies but is too embarrassed to buy them for herself. Slowly acquires a hoard postcanon and can bury herself in a pile of them.

-She's very light and can be easily picked up and carried around by any of her friends that want to

-Googled "is hitting people bad?"

-Hana can call Akki over by pspspsps ing at her like a cat and Akki HATES it but still falls for it every time

-Doesn't get anything more than a flip phone and work laptop until postcanon. Generally REALLY sheltered, would get addicted to the first video game she got to play. Probably Animal Crossing.

-Secretly read every book of Warriors as a middleschooler but it became unsecret when she got into a fight with Haru about who could do a better human!Scourge cosplay.

-As an adult Kisa is taller than her.

-Mega lightweight with pretty much everything. Will either LOOSE IT and have an anxious breakdown or space out staring at the wall for 3 hours if she drinks coffee. Would probably be strongly affected by too much sugar. Strictly prohibited from drinking alcohol.

-As a child tried to convince the boys that the zodiac girls all had cooties

-Either can't swim or taught herself in her stupidly large tub.

-Sensory issues, does badly with bright lights, loud/annoying noises, non neutral temperatures, ect.

-Has perpetual cold icicle hands

-Crashes through several rebellious teen phases as an adult trying to find herself postcanon. Bleaches her hair and dyes it some unnatural color in the bathroom, immediately regrets it and dyes it black again. Nobody ever knows.

-One time ate a leaf because she was bored and has -10 impulse control

-Makes other people order for her at restaurants 

-Postcanon she has a pencil box FULL of animal shaped squishies Tohru gave her

-Was one of those kids that got A's without studying (also canonically homeschooled and ik that crowd)

-Starts painting her nails black after she meets Hana. Likes the symbolism 

-Called Hatori her brother by accident once and they both silently agreed to never speak of it

-Rin anonymously mailed her the "I'm sorry women" hat

-Realized she had almost no interests and started ping ponging between hobbies as she tried and then ditched them upon not being immediately amazing at said hobbies. Eventually is given encouragement to keep on trying instead of giving up because she believes she won't be good at it. One of the things she liked was doing stuff with flowers, but she initially ditched it after she killed all the plants she tried to take care of (@ Akki, lying flopped down on a windowsill: Why is everything I touch destroyed… @ her dead flowers: *are dead*). She goes back to it though when she realizes accidentally offing some plants is not a universal statement about her morality and eventually figures it out. Is told to get a personal creative project to work on by her therapist and she sits in the garden and makes a little journal with entries about the flowers and their symbolism complete with illustrations. 

-Connected, has a weirdly large amount of flower symbolism and lore memorised postcanon because of this (@ Tohru: wow a pretty flower! @ Akito: Ah yes, the poppy, did you know it symbolizes death, dreams, an eternal sleep… though is an eternal sleep not as good as death? Are dreams a small taste of what's to come? Also did you know they contain opi-" @ Tohru, confused but likes listening to her friends talking about their interests: 😶)

-Would probably do good with a pet cat for emotional support once she gets over the Sohma biases and can be trusted to take care of an animal.

-The Sohma mansion is always out of hot water because Akito uses it all taking hour long angst baths in the giant tub. 

-Uo+Hana+Akito have a sleepover were Uo and Akito are talking and are just like wow we both sure had a thing for the same dude because of varied ulterior reasons haha that certainly doesn't mean anything and Hana just sits there wanting to bang their stupid heads together like rocks

-Due to general isolation and probable lack of exposure to "memery," I believe that Akito Sohma would fall for the "updog" trap, in this essay I will-

-Akito full on doesn't remember how old she is. Someone's just like "how old r u?" and she's just like (internally) "How long have I endured existing in this wretched world? Hmm" *sweats in the passage of time doesn't seem real when you dissociate in a dark room all day*. Nobody else remembers exactly either. (That's why Shigure put an "I think" on the end of his "he's in his 20's" lol) Hatori can remember if he needs to but that's because he has her medical records. One time one of the younger juuni is like how old is he??? And they talk for 30 minutes and only come up with "has to be close-ish to but older than Yuki and Kagura. Didn't go to school. Was he born or does he just exist??? 

-Akki would be that one person that's always cold and has to be lent sweaters by their friends when they're out. You go into Akki's room postcanon and there's a pile of sweaters on a chair that where SUPPOSED to be washed and returned but just haven't been yet

-If Akito was an animal she'd be a cat... claws, dramatically lounging around all day, climbing all over people, attacking and then being like??? But I want love??? I did nothing wrong??? She's got the vibes.

[starrynight0612]

TRIGGER WARNING: COMING OUT

I came out as bisexual to someone I love yesterday. It went awful? But at the same time they have no problem with me liking girls. I just....they said a lot of things that invalidated a lot of what I felt. They got mad at me for not telling them and I tried to explain it was because I'd heard them explicitly say they don't like gay people when I was young which they vehemently denied. (And if they did apparently they don't like flamboyant gay people and that's probably what they meant. They really thought they did something there by saying that.) I mean I can believe they don't remember because of a medical issue that has affected their memory but why would I lie?

I had mentioned that I'd been with a girl when we were younger (I was forced to confess because my ex boyfriend told me they planned on outing me) but when they asked if I liked girls I played it off as me just experimenting because I was afraid. They said that since they didn't react negatively then I should have taken that as a blessing to come out at 17 rather than wait until I'm 25. I'm sorry my stupid teenage brain didn't make the damn realization that you sounding relieved that I played it off as an experiment meant acceptance.

Nevermind it took me until I turned 21 and took a queer studies course to even like that part of me (raised Catholic here) so I didn't even want to admit it to myself. And my ex-girlfriend was also religious so our internalized homophobia actually worsened because we'd feed off of each others guilt.

Also, I'm married to a man and so they asked me why does it even matter? I didn't want to tell them that my husband and I have been struggling and we're likely separating for awhile so if I start dating again I'd like to date girls again because I finally don't hate being bisexual and it doesn't have to be a damn secret this time like when I was a teenager. I just....I wanted to hold her hand in public and I never could and I just really want that chance to do it right.

Then they turned it on me by saying I made the choice to not tell them so it's my fault because if I had just told them nothing bad would have happened. Essentially they hold zero blame here and I was being a drama queen and why did I make the conversation about me. I hadn't planned on coming out. I just accidentally blurted it out and I'm extremely stupid for doing that. Also, my timing was shit cause its finals week and the final I had due last night was not my best work because I was sobbing the whole time while my husband tried to convince me there was nothing wrong with me and even though marriage wise we're struggling he's still my best friend and I am so grateful for him.

I didn't even fully come out because I think I'm pansexual as I don't mind dating someone who's transitioning but I'm still confused over if that means pan or bi. But I know they don't believe pansexuality exists so I stuck with bisexual.

So, yeah. Hugs?

[kinetic-elaboration]

April 10: 2x14 Wolf in the Fold

Watched Wolf in the Fold last night. The only thing I really remembered about this ep going in was that it was a Scotty ep. Which is true but also… slightly misleading. Also that it had to do with Jack the Ripper—which is more true than I remembered!

A decadent intro… I get why Spock isn’t here but I actually DO think he would be into it.

Matchmaker Kirk lol.

Scotty is so awkward. This is the other detail I remembered from this ep, actually: how Scotty wants to applaud using his hands no matter what. (Even with those cool lights RIGHT THERE lol). Old Aberdeen pub crawler…

This is honestly such a bizarre back story: Scotty got a concussion because someone who happened to be a woman made a mistake and now not only is his head all funny but he has a “total resentment toward women.” Like okay, nothing creepily sexist in that concept. Also –they ultimately barely even use it! I know it’s the implied rationale for why he would suddenly start murdering women and also not remembering it but it’s like such a flimsy excuse that they never say it out loud in so many words for fear it should sound too stupid. Which it would. Honestly, you really only need the concussion imo. Why go into the weird misogyny thing at all?

And now Kirk and Bons head off to a brothel, giving me a total resentment toward men.

Nice eerie fog out here. Very Aberdeenian.

Okay, so this woman was stabbed a dozen times but she only screamed once? And then a second later, Scotty had somehow teleported several feet away, still holding the knife? He’s good at his job but he’s not that good. This is already deeply suspicious.

“Therapeutic shore leave.” Trying to cure his hatred of ladies lmao.

So this weird little bald man, Hengist, from Rigel IV. Is he an alien? I suppose he must be. Rigellians are a race, as we know from Journey to Babel. It’s not always clear to me which groups of people are Earth colonists who have migrated to or been born on other planets and which are humanoid aliens.

The Aurelians are a gentle, harmless people. Cute. I like these aliens.

I wish we could hire aliens to be our administrators. Alien Overlord and Taylor.

“I’ll be taking over, since I am the highest official.” He out-officialed him.

I like this guy and his slightly creepy empath priestess wife. I feel like Spock would like them, too.

Speaking of: Spock in the captain’s chair. Hot.

I don’t get how this planet is the only space port around. Like… could not any planet be a space port? What does that even mean?

Oh no, a woman with the lie detector machine! She must be incompetent and/or to be despised.

I love Sybo’s outfit. Her hair and jewelry too. Honestly just a great head-to-toe look.

Another murder! Sorry but this one is on the Aurelian for just leaving the murder weapon out there unattended.

Generally speaking, the costume and set people are doing allllll the work in this episode.

Hengist went to look for suspects and he came up with the victim’s father and fiancé?? He’s not even trying lol. Anyway, he obviously did it.

How can you NOT tell if a lock was picked or not? I mean I know McCoy is a doctor, not a locksmith, but come on. It can’t be that ambiguous.

Spooky mumbo-jumbo.

Interesting that Spock doesn’t trust the mumbo-jumbo either. I guess he only approves of it when it’s Vulcan.

When Sybo says “monstrous evil” the camera is looking right at Hengist. Not suspicious at all. He’s only clearly railroading Scotty, looked right at the second victim before she was killed, was in the perfect position to take the murder weapon after it was carelessly left about, and is the most obvious non-Scotty suspect here.

I love how loyal Bones is. He literally saw Scotty holding Sybo and the knife with blood on his hands and is like “It’s impossible he could have done it.”

So many of the “truth discovery” devices on TOS are truly creepy. Like they’re all clear plot devices, and for that reason depicted as completely reliable, and the more completely reliable they are, the more deeply disturbing they become upon any reflection at all.

That’s a pretty computer though. All those pretty flashing lights! And it runs on floppy disks.

I literally just remembered what happened.

“Scotty, lie to me, how old are you?” / “Twenty-two, Sir.” Yeah, I’d say that’s a lie.

So like this allegedly all-powerful computer is literally just a lie detector. That’s it! A lie detector that picks up on psychological signs of lying, just like our lie detectors today. I mean… you could have just said that straight out. All they do is show what a person believes to be true, so in the case where someone truly doesn’t remember something, the usefulness is… limited.

My mom suggested a Vulcan mind meld which, actually, would pretty much solve the problem! But for once Spock actually treats it like something serious and not to be thrown out as a solution to all problems at the merest suggestion.

Someone needs to do a fashion line based entirely on the Argellian outfits.

Spock is internally eye-rolling at all this drama. I feel like he’s a real advocate for the computers today. That’s like… really his only role.

The computer’s linguistics banks don’t know what this word means? Maybe we should get Uhura on the case.

Plot twist: the killer was Jack the Ripper the WHOLE TIME! The last one you’d ever expect.

I don’t get how the computer made the leap from Redjac to Jack the Ripper since that is not a real word and no one outside of this episode of TOS has ever used it for Jack the Ripper.

“Everyone feeds on death, even vegetarians.” So dark, Spock. So emo.

Aw, alien creatures that derive sustenance from love. Adorable. There should have been an episode devoted to them. (Wait a minute…. Idea coming on…)

Speaking of gaseous cloud aliens…the Companion?

This episode really relies a lot on the computer to provide information and otherwise move the plot along.

Kirk keeps ignoring everyone to just talk to Spock.

“Cloud the issue” lol that’s a good pun. (Already can’t remember who said it but… point stands.)

The cloud entity feeds on women because they are more easily and deeply terrified. That sounds fake but okay. It’s also not in keeping with what Sybo said, is it? She mentioned a hatred of women. That’s not the same as finding women useful.

Hmm, when do we get our Martian Colonies, @ perseverance?

Oh, Rigel IV, you say? There seems to be a Rigellian right here!

This whole history of the entity is bizarre. The first killing sprees (that we know of) are on Earth, and Kirk specifically says that when man left Earth to explore, he took this with him. Does that mean… the cloud creature/entity originated on Earth? Truly a bizarre hypothesis, when you think about it.

Are you the entity, Sir?

There is actually very little Scotty in this Scotty-centric episode.

Lol the knife originates with the hill people of Rigel IV. What is this, Deliverance?

Omg Kirk punched the entity right out of that man!

So to summarize: “Jack the Ripper is actually a gaseous cloud that is capable of infecting the computer system of the Enterprise, thus hijacking the whole ship” is the basic, wacky concept of this episode.

This tranquilizer could quiet a volcano. Where was it during the volcano scene in STID hmm?

Kirk’s plan to keep people from being scared by the maniacal voice of the entity: Tranquilize the entire ship. That’s why he’s paid the big bucks.

Yet another twist on the old Kirk v. Computer plot. Time to use Math to defeat it.

Kirk is so unimpressed with the entity. “Eh, shut that off.” He would not be moved by a haunted house.

“This is the first time I’ve heard a malfunction threaten us.” Sulu can man his post AND be funny; he’s multi-talented.

Kirk and Spock don’t need tranquilizers because they’re smart enough to know this high-pitched voice yelling random threats just isn’t actually scary.

Kirk is really insistent that Sulu man his frickin’ post!

Oh no, not PI!! My nemesis, PI!

I’m really living for Sulu here.

If the entity entered a tranquilized person, it might take up knitting. I gotta say, that doesn’t make any sense as a plot point but I like it anyway.

That was a very efficient tranquilizing job! Everyone in a 400+ person ship in like 10 minutes? Get the medical team on the Enterprise in charge of the vaccine distribution stat.

Kirk just outright assumes that Spock won’t be a hospitable entity choice. And he’s not even wrong! The entity chooses the dead body over Spock or Kirk. It knows when it’s not wanted.

Hengist has been revived!

The entity is honestly, truly hilarious. Die, die, everybody die! Kill! Kill you all! Maniacal laughter! All while being carried by a still utterly unimpressed Kirk down the halls of the ship.

Spock’s like “get out of the way, you tranquilized idiot. Got some entity-scattering to do.”

“I gave them a pretty big shot, Jim!” Think you might have slightly overdone it, Bones? You didn’t need to make everyone useless for 6 hours for a problem that was solved in 5 minutes!

This is one of those moments, Kirk trying to get Spock to see the pretty ladies with him, when Spock seems super gay. Like, I don’t even think he is, that’s not my reading of him, and I also assume that wasn’t the intention here, but that’s just so clearly how it reads.

Aw, Kirk doesn’t want to go the strip club alone. Poor bb.

Weird how Lt. Leslie was in this when he died in the last episode.

Overall, I’d actually have to say that was a very crack-y episode. I liked the ending the best because it was so ridiculous.

What I don’t understand, in addition to whether or not the entity was really supposed to be from Earth, was how it came to be Hengist. Like, it can enter and leave bodies (or computers) at will, so perhaps it just entered Hengist, a normal Rigellian, at some point. But if that’s so, putting him on the transporter and scattering him into space was a pretty cruel thing to do. Also, why did he die (or appear to die) when the entity wasn’t in him? That implies he is the entity’s physical form. But then, first of all, how is also a Rigellian? Like did the entity mate with a Rigellian? Did the entity take over a baby Rigellian? Did the entity just claim to be Rigellian but is really just humanoid in its physical form—we did establish that some aliens, like this one, or creatures or whatever, are gaseous sometimes and solid others, so maybe its solid form is humanoid. Which would fit well with it originating in Earth, although that also brings a new and perhaps unintentional layer of creepiness to the story. I have to assume that’s the situation, but still, wild. And it doesn’t explain this: why does Hengist “die” when the entity “leaves” him, as opposed to just disappear entirely when the entity changes form??

Anyway, I know I’m overthinking this very wacky premise. Overall, I think the episode was fine. It didn’t have enough Scotty (for being a “Scotty episode”) and it changed genres an awful lot for 50 minutes. There was a tad too much misogyny going on. And overall I didn’t feel like the characters—even Kirk, and in actuality this was a Kirk episode much more than a Scotty episode, and purposefully so—were at their most interesting. Tbh Sulu ultimately stole the show in the final minutes.

Next up is the Trouble with Tribbles! Also a funny episode but at least undeniably purposefully so!

[johnrossbowie]

LEAVING TWITTER

I wrote this earlier in the fall, before the election, after dissolving my Twitter account. I wasn’t sure where to put it (“try up your ass!” – someone, I’m sure) and then I remembered I have a tumblr I never use. Anyway, here tis.

How do you shame someone who thinks Trumps’ half-baked policies and quarter-baked messaging put him in the pantheon of great Presidents? How do you shame someone so lacking in introspection that they will call Obama arrogant while praising Trump’s decisiveness and yet at the same time vehemently deny that they’re racist? How do you shame someone for whom that racism is endearing and maybe long overdue?

You don’t. It’s silly to think otherwise.

Twitter is an addiction of mine, and true to form, my dependence on it grew more serious after I quit drinking in 2010. At first it was a chance to mouth off, make jokes both stupid and erudite and occasionally stick my foot in my mouth (I owe New Yorker writer Tad Friend an apology. He knows why, or (God willing) he’s forgotten. Either way. Sorry.) I blew off steam, steam that was accumulating without booze to dampen the flames. Not always constructive venting, but I also met new friends, and connected with people whose work I’ve admired for literal decades and ended up seeing plays with Lin-Manuel Miranda and hanging backstage with Jane Wiedlin after a Go-Go’s show and exchanging sober thoughts with Mike Doughty. When my mom passed in 2018, a lot of people reached out to tell me they were thinking of me. This was nice. For a while, Twitter was a huge help when I needed it.

I used to hate going to parties and really hated dancing and mingling, but a couple of drinks would fix that. Point is, for a while, booze was a huge help, too.

But my engagement with Twitter changed, and I started calling people my ‘friends’ even though I’d never once met them or even heard their voices. These weren’t even penpals, these were people whose jokes or stances I enjoyed, so with Arthurian benevolence I clicked on a little heart icon, liked their tweet, and assumed therefore that we had signed some sort of blood oath.

We had not. I got glib, and cheap, and a little lazy. And then to make matters much worse, Trump came along and extended his reach with the medium.

There was a while there where I thought I could be a sort of voice for the voiceless, and I thought I was doing that. I tried very hard to only contribute things that I felt were not being said – It wasn’t accomplishing anything to notice “Haha Trump looks like he’s bullshitting his way through an oral report” – such things were self-evident. I tried to point out very specific inconsistencies in his policies, like the Muslim ban meant to curb terrorism that still favored the country that brought forth 13 of the 9/11 hijackers. Like his full-throated cries against media bias performed while he suckled at Roger Ailes’ wrinkly teat.  Like his fondness for evangelical votes that coincided with a scriptural knowledge that lagged far behind mine, even though I’m a lapsed Episcopalian, and there is no one less religiously observant than a lapsed Episcopalian. But that eventually gave way to unleashing ad hominem attacks against his higher profile supporters, who I felt weren’t being questioned enough, who I felt were in turn being fawned over by theirdim supporters. If you’re one of these guys, and you think I’m talking about you, you’re probably right, but don’t mistake this for an apology. You suck, and you support someone who sucks, and your idolatry is hurting our country and its standing in the world. Fuck you entirely, but that’s not the point. The point is that me screaming into the toilet of Twitter helps no one – it doesn’t help a family stuck at the border because they’re trying to secure a better life for their kids. It doesn’t help a poor teenager who can’t get an abortion because the party of ‘small government’ has squeezed their tiny jurisdiction into her uterus. It doesn’t help the coal miner who’s staking all his hopes on a dying industry and a President’s empty promises to resurrect it. I was born in New York City, and I currently live in Los Angeles. Those are the only two places I’ve ever lived, if you don’t count the 4 years I spent in Ithaca[1]. So, yes, I live in a liberal bubble, and while I’ve driven across the country a couple of times and did a few weeks in a touring band and am as crushed as any heartlander about the demise of Waffle House, you have me dead to rights if you call me a coastal elitist. And with that in mind, I offer few surprises. A guy who grew up in the theater district and was vehemently opposed to same-sex marriage or felt you should own an AR-15? THAT would be newsworthy. I am not newsworthy. I can preach to the choir, I can confirm people’s biases, but I will likely not sway anyone who is eager to dismiss a Native New Yorker who lives in Hollywood. I grew up in the New York of the 1970s, and that part of my identity did shape my politics. My mom’s boss was gay and the Son of Sam posed a realistic threat. As such, gays are job creators[2] and guns are used for homicide much more often than they are used for self-defense[3]. I have found this to be generally true over the years, and there’s even data to back it up.

“But Mr. Bowie,” you might say, though I insist you call me John - “those studies are conducted by elitist institutions and those institutions suck!” And again, I am not going to reason with people who will dismiss anything that doesn’t fit their limited world view as elitist or, God Help Us, fake news. But the studies above are peer-reviewed, convincing, and there are more where those came from.

“But John,” you might say, and I am soothed that we’re one a first name basis - “Can’t you just stay on Twitter for the jokes?” Ugh. A) apparently not and B) the jokes are few and far between, and I am 100% part of that problem.

I have stuff to offer, but Twitter is not the place from which to offer it.

After years of academically understanding that Twitter is not the real world, Super Tuesday 2020 made the abstract pretty fucking concrete. If you had looked at my feed on the Monday beforehand �� my feed which is admittedly curated towards the left, but not monolithic (Hi, Rich Lowry!) – you’d have felt that a solid Bernie surge was imminent, but also that your candidate was going surprise her more vocal critics. When the Biden sweep swept, when Bernie was diminished and when Warren was defeated, I realized that Twitter is not only not the real world, it’s almost some sort of Phillip K. Dickian alternate timeline, untethered to anything we’re actually experiencing in our day to day life. This is both good news and bad news – one, we’re not heading towards a utopia of single payer health care and the eradication of American medical debt any time soon, but two, we’re also not being increasingly governed by diaper-clad jungen like Charlie Kirk. Clouds and their linings. Leaving Twitter may look like ceding ground to the assclowns but get this – the ground. Is not. There.

It’s just air.

There are tangible things I can do with my time - volunteer with a local organization called Food On Foot, who provide food and job training for people experiencing homelessness here in my adopted Los Angeles. I can give money to candidates and causes I support, and I can occasionally even drop by social media to boost a project or an issue and then vanish, like a sort of Caucasian Zorro who doesn’t read his mentions. I can also model good behavior for my kids (ages 10 and 13) who don’t need to see their father glued to his phone, arguing about Trumps incompetence with Constitutional scholars who have a misspelled Bible verse in their bio (three s’ in Ecclesiastes, folks).

So farewell Twitter. I’ll miss a lot of you. Perhaps not as badly as I miss Simon Maloy and Roger Ebert and Harris Wittels and others whose deaths created an unfillable void on the platform. But I won’t miss the yelling, and the lionization of poor grammar, and anonymous trolls telling my Jewish friends that they were gonna leave the country “via chimney.” I will not miss people who think Trump is a stable genius calling me a “fucktard.” I will not miss transphobia or cancelling but I will miss hashtag games, particularly my stellar work during #mypunkmusical (Probably should have quit after that surge, I was on fire that night, real blaze of glory stuff I mean, Christ, Sunday in the Park with the Germs? Husker Du I Hear A Waltz? Fiddler on the Roof (keeping an eye out for the cops)? These are Pulitzer contenders.). Twitter makes me feel lousy, even when I’m right, and I’m often right. There’s just no point in barking bumperstickers at each other, and there are people who are speaking truth to power and doing a cleaner job of it – Aaron Rupar, Steven Pasquale, Louise Mensch, Imani Gandy and Ijeoma Oluo to name five solid mostly politically based accounts (Yes, Pasquale is a Broadway tenor. He’s also a tenacious lefty with good points and research and a dreamy voice. You think you’re straight and then you hear him sing anything from Bridges of Madison County and you want him to spoon you.). You’re probably already following those mentioned, but on the off chance you’re not, get to it. You’ll thank me, but you won’t be able to unless you actually have my email.

_______

[1] And Jesus, that’s worse – Ithaca is such a lefty enclave that they had an actual socialist mayor FOR WHOM I VOTED while I was there. And not socialist the way some people think all Democrats are socialist – I mean Ben Nichols actually ran on the socialist ticket and was re-elected twice for a total of six years.

[2] The National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, “America’s LGBT Economy” Jan 20th, 2017

[3] The Violence Policy Institute, Firearm Justifiable Homicides and Non-Fatal Self Defense Gun Use, July 2019.

[namjoonsyoongi]

blurred lines | namgi

summary: what’s a few blowjobs between friends?

rating: M

word count: 4610

genre/tags: friends to lovers, friends with benefits, university au, comedy, crack, fluff, angst 

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18663031

Namjoon and Yoongi have known eachother for as long as they could spell their own names, but that wasn't enough to keep Namjoon from wanting to slap his friend upside the head sometimes.

What did keep him from doing so were the little things. The song Yoongi wrote him for his seventeenth birthday, a last minute rap that lasted all of fifty seconds written on a crumbled sheet of lined paper; A song that Namjoon wouldn’t be able to remember even if someone put a gun to his head and told him to recite it. The way that he could read his mind on any given day and act accordingly, and how they’d have a conversation with one another through brief glances and raised eyebrows alone.

Yet he still managed to discover a way to be utterly infuriating.

The other night, the all too allusive Min Yoongi, cat-eyed and full of indifference, crawled into his bed in the middle of the night. Have you ever watched the flicking tongue of a snake as it slithered toward a mouse, and then looked away before it could swallow the mouse whole? That's what Yoongi was to Namjoon on nights like these, intruding into the covers and tangling himself in Namjoon's longer limbs.

Namjoon wouldn't have any issue with a few nighttime cuddles, Yoongi's was just one of the many affectionate boys in their group of friends, and wasn't anywhere near the worst of it. Jimin could be more attached to him than his own skin, and Taehyung was like a puppy in the way he needed constant verbal and physical affirmation to make sure they were, in fact, best friends forever.

Yoongi's not like that, not most of the time. He came with a purpose.

"What's wrong?"  

"Nothing's wrong," Yoongi was simply laying by Namjoon's side at this point, before rolling over into him. "I'm just annoyed with this project. I texted my lab partner, Seungwan, and she’s more lost than I am. I'm never gonna finish this dumb fucking -- stupid fucking -- fuck this project. I'm getting pissed just thinking about it."  

"You should have never took engineering."

He really shouldn't have, but Namjoon knew why he did. He'd spent enough time at his house growing up to know of the expectations his parents had for him, as did every parent. Namjoon had almost fallen into the same trap, on track for medical school until one day, with the lyrics of Epik High's Fly on loop in his head, something stirred in him to stand up and say no. Namjoon spent his first year as a music major estranged from his parents, while Yoongi spent it as the epitome of the perfect son, and unhappy.

Namjoon spoke again. "On the brightside, only one more year."

"Shut up, please."

That was not the first night, where everything was different. Where those lines between friendship and lover blurred, for just an hour, sometimes two.

Yoongi, rather than sulk and complain, opted to release a kiss onto Namjoon's neck - and then another.

"Mm."

He keeps going, further and further, and Namjoon never tries to stop him, even when he knows he should. He palms the bulge in Yoongi's track pants, which seems to be exactly what he wants, and gets to work, going for just long enough until the warmth was enough to burn away any remaining irritation.  

Namjoon never went all the way with Yoongi, but it would probably be pretty nice.

Yoongi's lips had that sweet taste of rum the first time, and it calmed the bitter flames of the vodka present in Namjoon's throat. He couldn't say for sure who made the first move, but he could perfectly recall the pleasant fuzz that clouded his senses, and the way Yoongi moaned as if no one could hear them, as if Jin wasn't in the next room over.

When Namjoon awoke, the faint memory of Yoongi's weight in his mattress was all that remained. Any semblance of permanency floated into the air like dust, he greeted a smirking all-knowing Jin the next morning and went to class none the wiser. A dream, he chalked the whole thing up to, just a weird dream.

"Can I be honest?"

"Go off."

"I'm starting to think Yoongi isn't exactly straight."

Silence.

Like a choir, Hoseok, Jimin, and Taehyung burst into loud, screeching laughter, accompanied with celebratory hand clapping and Hoseok throwing himself into Namjoon's lap because he can't keep his balance with the sheer humor of it all.

"-And you just realized this!?"

Namjoon swallowed something stuck in his throat.

It's during a brief period of peace with Yoongi, who's laying sprawled against Namjoon's chest, when he asks about it. Namjoon had meant to approach such a subject with the utmost eloquence and thoughtfulness - You can trust me with anything you know, sometimes I feel like you tell the others things you won't tell me. I never would have judged you if you told me you like more than just girls. Do you even know how much respect and appreciation I have for you? That I'll always have for you?

But what came out of Namjoon's mouth is, "Do you give all of us blowjobs?"

Yoongi didn't answer immediately. Namjoon lifted his neck, but all he could see was the black waves of hair on the top of his head, leaning against his chest. The air in the room fogged with the added tension, and Namjoon could only guess what Yoongi's face looked like.

He said nothing. Nothing . He shuffled out of the covers and away from him, leaving the room with the mundane click of the door closing behind him.

That was something Namjoon had always known about Yoongi, his silence was louder than anything, he never had to yell.

"Fool me once? Shame on me. Fool me twice? Shame on you. Suck my dick a third time and 'no homo' is officially off limits." Jin yelped into laughter at his own joke before Namjoon could even process the words.

This was why Namjoon came to Jin for absolutely nothing.

"You're not funny."

"You're gay," Jin said, practically basking in the glare he's earned from Namjoon. "-No excuses, you sucked his dick."

Namjoon rose from his seat. "Don't tell the others."

"Why not? The rest of us admitted we were at least a little gay freshman year, we've been waiting for your coming out for years - years!"    

So you knew about Yoongi too? Namjoon wanted to ask. There was something humiliating about the fact people who Yoongi had known for three years knew more than the one who knew him for fifteen; An anchor of shame dropped silently into his empty gut.  

"Not about that," Namjoon said instead, digging into the fridge for a can of beer. "About me and Yoongi, what we've been...you know."

"Oh no, I won't. That'd scar Jungkook and you know it, that's like when you find out that your mom and dad have sex for the first time."

He tossed the can of beer in his hand, not caring enough to see where it landed, if it smacked against the handsome face that was the older's pride, or broke something along the way.  

"...I don't."

Namjoon detached from him, and Yoongi groaned once the cold air met his wet length. "Wh-What?"

"I don't give the others blow jobs, you're an asshole for saying that."

"I know, I'm sorry. Really." Namjoon, about to dip his head back under the covers, stopped to continue his thought. "Also, It's really hard to have a conversation with you while your dick is in my mouth." He moved to go under for a second time, and halted again. "Also, neither do I."

"Neither do you what?

"Give the others blowjobs."

"Good."

Shards of glass could cut you so easily, a sharp end that sinks deep into your skin, yet you don't immediately feel it when it does. That was the thing about them, he and Yoongi; Their bond was like glass, clear and delicate, it could break at one wrong move, with the simplest of words that hit the other in just the right place.

With someone as clumsy as he was, who has broken more than enough glass made objects, a connection like that was futile. Or that's what he thought, cause no matter how bad the fall, no matter how worse the cut, they somehow put themselves back together as if it had never been touched.

"Joon, your cup!"

Snapped forcefully from his reverie, the weight that had been steady in his hand slipped out before he could save it. The jarring sound of shattering glass cut out the white noise that had been playing as a soundtrack to his own thoughts.

He cursed, watching the reflective shards twinkle menacingly on the tiled floor. "Shit."

"You know, sometimes me and Jimin talk about getting a plastic set just for you." Jungkook jokes, it wasn't anything new to him.

"Let me guess! Namjoon bumped into something again." Jimin calls out, turning around the corner to be met with the new mess decorating the floor of his kitchen.

"He spaced out, I think."

"The last time you did this shit, I was stepping on tiny - like I swear microscopic pieces of glass that we couldn't clean up."  

Jimin ushers Namjoon out with mumbled reassurances that everything was fine and the two of them would clean it up. Today was one of their regular get-togethers, but it'd be the last one before they'd return home for the holidays. Jimin thought it appropriate to replace their soft drinks with alcohol, alcohol which Namjoon had just spilled half a glass of onto the ground, along with the cup.

In the living room, sat the rest of them, gathered close around Jungkook's flat screen. Namjoon could hear the muted yet very present sound of crunching as Jin and Taehyung shared a bag of chips. Hoseok lounged in a recliner, leaning back and huddling into his blanket, mindlessly flicking through Netflix.

With midterms having marched to and fro and subsequently ruined their lives, Yoongi had been a bumbling mess of yawns and naps for the past month. All both Jin and Namjoon had seen of their roommate was him fast asleep on their couch and drooling on his study notes, and glimpses of him going to and from the school before locking himself in his room.

He wasn't here, Namjoon's shoulders slumped.

"Where's Yoongi?"

"Canceled," Hoseok muttered with a deep-set pout, not looking away from the screen.

"Since when?"

"Five minutes ago."

"Hobi's still pissed." Jin chimes in, the bag rustling as he picked it up and held it out to Namjoon.

Namjoon took a handful of chips, and watched as Hoseok’s pout only deepened, a rare darkness in his eyes that only appeared when you had truly committed the worst of his friendship sins. "I wouldn't be if it weren't for this being our last night here, or if he weren't ditching for Seungwan. I would never...we would never!"

The room lapses back into a silence, as if they imagine Namjoon can understand every word and name that had just left their mouths.

"Seungwan?"

Despite everything, Yoongi was always the one to initiate things. Even when he wore his favourite black skinny jeans, and Namjoon's eyes became glued to the gentle curves of his thighs and the belt that hugged his waist. Even when, just like that snake, he wanted nothing more to devour him whole - he didn't, he waited for him.

It felt strange to take what he knew wasn't truly his.

Then came those past two months, where Yoongi tiptoed around Namjoon, as if coming any closer would break him. Namjoon thought it all in his head, Yoongi was busy, he was an engineering major, he just had to focus. Namjoon thought he was the one who could always make him focus, rejuvenate him, perhaps he was wrong. He was fine with that.

In reality, however, there was Seungwan. Pretty girl Seungwan, with her delicate face and cherry coloured lips. Slim and yet plump just where it mattered.

Jin's words hit so cold that icicles could have formed from his lips. "Seungwan and Yoongi have been dating for the past 2 months."

Why didn't you tell me sooner? Namjoon wanted to yell back at him. Why didn't any of you tell me sooner? Why didn't Yoongi tell me sooner? His heart raged against his ribcage, it wanted to scream and shout too, it wanted to run away from the man child it was stuck in, and who idiotically decided to fall in love with his best friend. The best friend he didn't know was gay until he found his way into Namjoon's sheets, the best friend who never spoke about their moments of passion in the day, the best friend who couldn't care less.

"I'm gonna go get another drink," he said instead.

And so he moved on, moved forward. Swallowed the feelings and let them dissolve somewhere in his gut. The next time he'd see Yoongi, with Seungwan hanging off his arm, he'd smile graciously and greet the both of them. Observing Yoongi as he'd mask on a disinterested demeanor when he did something thoughtful for her. He'd welcome Seungwan like the morning sun, he'd laugh at the jokes she'd quip about all the little ticks Yoongi had that Namjoon was long accustomed to and support her when she’d eventually come to him with questions like “what type of food would Yoongi want me to get?”, “Do you think Yoongi would like this as a gift?”. He'd listen attentively to every word, as if she wasn't just echoing the thoughts and feelings that had planted into his very being like a weed, sprouting once again every time he thought he’d picked it out.  

Or at least that's what he would have liked to say happened, and that's what would have happened, had it not been for the long road trip he was stuck on the morning after Namjoon found out about her.

A blanket of mist settles across their driveway like smoke. The overnight storm pelted away the flames of his intoxication, but the subsequent hangover pounded just as relentlessly.

By the car, a phantom stood, posture hunched. Yoongi looked like he was sinking into a black hole with his oversized winter coat, it was almost endearing.

Cute. Adorable actually.

Yoongi smirked. "Wow, who hit you with a bus?"

You.

The grey scarf flew from his pocket as he wrapped it around his neck and up his face, until all but his swollen eyes showed. "Let's just get this over with," He uttered, voice muffled.  

It wasn't a ritual more than it was convenient for Yoongi to drive him back home for the holidays. Their houses were five minute walks between each other respectively, and Namjoon, with his immense lack of grace and poise, has never dared touch a steering wheel in his life. Yoongi liked to say he was his personal uber, then again he also liked to complain about how annoying that was.

On the passenger's side, his eyes catch a rip edged into the cushion with the tiniest of threads holding it together - How is this piece of shit car still alive, honestly? There he sits down stiffly, another place he has essentially spent the past several years making a home of, and the two set off.

The nausea was already striking, and not just from the hangover. Something boiled unwelcome in his chest, and ran all the way down to his abdomen.

Apparently he isn't doing a good job of hiding it, cause Yoongi speaks up and says, "Don't throw up in here."

"I won't. " He snaps back.

Fuck.

He used to think he was better than this, better at setting emotion aside in favour of the overall peace that'd remain instead. Lips zipped shut meant tranquility, and Namjoon valued that; Especially with him, he who he hates more than anything right now.

How...how? How did he fall for this badly acted charade, of course Yoongi never wanted him - like that - if he did, he would have said so.

Stop. Shut up. It isn't that serious.

His jaw locks.

But it really is.

Namjoon's an atheist, but for the first time in years he prays.

He prays that this ride will proceed in silence, because if not, the emotions he didn't have enough time to bury will overflow and drown whatever was left of he and Yoongi's relationship.

Fortunately, the prayer is answered, though sparingly. Identical looking streets pass by wordlessly, with Yoongi twisting and turning through roads and towns that Namjoon can't recognize. His eyes are too exhausted to focus on anything, not that there was anything worth looking at; Every building becomes a blur of mild colours, and the sky is as gray and dull as watching cement dry.

"We're close," Yoongi says.

Namjoon hums, along with the engine as the car slows down, going up a soft incline into a gas station.

The driver's side door opens, Yoongi huddling into his coat as a gust whistles into the vehicle. "I'll be right back."

Don't come back. Just leave me in here to shrivel up and die.

When Yoongi returns, rushing into his seat before shutting the door and ramming the engine again, he says nothing. But Namjoon can hear him, his indifference, a quality which he once admired.

He'd cut his tongue out if it meant he'd keep his mouth shut, but all he can do is sink his teeth into his bottom lip, deeper and deeper as the car pulls out.

"...Yoongi?"

"Yeah?"

Don't say it.

"What am I to you?"

The engine whines, filling the emptiness of the car.

"My best friend."  

The nonchalance cuts Namjoon to the bone, until his lungs are clinging for life. His labour breathes repeatedly stab through the silence, and all he can do is stare, unanswered questions overflowing in his skull.  

They've never talked about - them, what they were and what they did. Any conversations that went past platonic stayed in Namjoon's room and Namjoon's room only. Which is why now even implications of their deeper relationship felt forbidden, his lips clipped shut when the vaguest of words pass his mind.

But Namjoon doesn't have to be the one to say it.

Yoongi laughs, scratching his ear. "Maybe a best friend with benefits?"      

The sharp edges of his eyes go a deeper shade of red, the hurt settling into the crevices. Acknowledgment, shouldn't that satisfy him?

"Still?" Namjoon asks, his voice barely a whisper.

The pink that dusts over Yoongi's cheek is rare. The sight nearly makes Namjoon's heart swell, until he's hit with the thought that Seungwan is on the older man's mind.

"I mean..." Yoongi clears his throat. "Yeah...if you still want-"

"And what about Seungwan?"

His brows furrow, almost offended. "What about her?"

The response boils in Namjoon's ear, like an off key note.

"Can't you be straightforward with me? Like you usually are?" Namjoon says.

"I am."

A snap cuts out his next thought.

They return their attention to the windshield, and watch as the wipers twist unnaturally before flying off the car into the highway, making a couple vengeful scratches across the windows along the way. All that's left of them is two little useless black nubs, which twitch as they try to operate without their second half.

"Aw, shit!" Yoongi curses, a veil of white particles smudging onto the windshield. The flight of snow has accelerated, rushing to the ground and with nothing to push the snow off their windshield, their view of the road is being eclipsed in white at an alarming rate. "I've gotta pullover."

The gravel hisses as Yoongi's car pulls over into the side of the road, coming to a full stop and leaning into his seat with a groan. "The wind must have been too harsh, they completely snapped off. I'm gonna have to call my parents to pick us up, we can't drive like this."

"Are we just leaving the car?"

"We'll lock it and probably get like - I don't know - someone to pick it up. That's gonna cost a shit load."

Namjoon expects the older of the two to pick up his phone and call his parents, but he doesn't and favours sulking back in his seat, hands rubbing his eyes and grumbling to himself. The stare catches onto his peach lips, and the way he's nibbling on his bottom lip.

"Yoongi..."

"Hm?"

"You looked stressed."

"Do I?" He remarks sarcastically, a grin pulling his lips.

Thoughts of Seungwan sink into the very corner of his head as he stares at his companion, someone who he truly has loved so dearly for as long as he could remember. He just wants to pretend he’s his, and hold him so tight that the mere thought of him ever leaving can’t cross Namjoon’s mind.

I just want to be with you, even if it’s only for a second.

"Do you want me to help?" Is all he says.

There's a pause, one that sucks all the air out of him. Yoongi almost laughs, a giddy smile on his face. But slowly, agonizingly, Yoongi's hands tumble down his face until they settle onto his neck. His eyelashes hover, and Namjoon follows them until they finally open and take in the eager and desperate man right in front of him. Yoongi's eyes, so deep and dark, swirling with a curious lust that the other is sinking into.

He doesn't speak, he nods earnestly, as if it was the question he’d been waiting to be asked all day, He leans into Namjoon's space, until their gazes tangle together. His lips, slightly chapped, barely brush over his, testing him.

Namjoon says yes; His large hands envelope his thin wrists, and pulls him forward so that their lips connect. Starting from the soft plump surface, the fuzzy feeling that alcohol can never recreate the same way runs into his veins, and he feels his heart already urging him forward with the strong and abrupt ache that develops.

He goes further, deepening the kiss as Yoongi's arms find their place around Namjoon's neck.

He doesn't know how long the kissing last until he manages to groan out a husky "c'mere," between the mess they're becoming. He breaks the kiss, waiting for Yoongi to come to him as the smaller tries his best to crawl onto Namjoon's lap in the cramped car. It's in that quiet moment that Namjoon realizes both of their coats are already off and probably somewhere in the backseat, lost to the heat of the moment.

He can already feel the growing bulge in the Yoongi's jeans, and the man impatiently moves to pull down his own zipper before Namjoon halts the action.

"Let me." He demands, voice husky and out of breath. His fingertips barely graze the metal, and stay there, playing with the sharp criss cross that leads up to the metal tab and enjoys the way the other fusses. Yoongi's head scurries into Namjoon's neck, biting in some kind of retaliation.

"Yoongi..."

"Godammit, what!" He exclaims, huffing warm breaths onto his neck.

"I want to go all the way - well, I wanna fuck you, I guess is the proper way to put it."

He feels the way Yoongi tenses up, and thrives in the flustered tremble that sticks to his voice.

"Y-Yeah. Then...Okay."

Finally, he pulls the zippers down, and helps Yoongi to raise himself up and pull it down to his ankles. Namjoon's hands strokes the newly exposed skin of his thighs, pale and covered in goosebumps.

Yoongi's hands in the meanwhile, begin to fiddle with the leather belt looped around Namjoon's own jeans. His eyes glazed with steam, like fresh mocha. Namjoon, for a first, lets him have his way as he loosens the pants and fights to pull them down.

"-And one more thing..." Namjoon whispers, leaving a kiss on the shell of his ear.

"What?"

"I love you. You know that right?"

"I love you, too." He says, adding the last part after a hesitant pause. “As more than...best friends. A lot more, actually.”

Namjoon smirks, lips trailing down the length of his neck.

"...Then prove it."

"Do you think it worked?" Jimin's voice flutters into the air; His chin is on the young Jungkook's shoulder, watching as his nimble hands maneuver a paint brush across the canvas, lips tight in concentration as he adds a strike of black.

Snowflakes dance gracefully across the glass window to their side, the ice that had once tangled into the earth leaving a mild frost in its wake. Nothing but whispers of the raging winter night was left.  

"Of course it did. It was my idea." Seokjin declares, hands on his hips as he views the large gallery in Jungkook's workroom. He's bullied the youngest more than a few times about having a useless major, but his collection of artwork never ceased to amaze him. Maybe he won't be a beggar on the streets once he graduates afterall.  

"What if they hate each other after this?" Hoseok says, a pout weighing down his face, a real one this time.

Seokin's broad shoulders shrug. "Then you'll have to live with the guilt, couldn't have done it without your A plus acting. Can't wait to see you at the Oscars next year."

A furious slap from Hoseok lands right on his upper arm, and Seokjin cries out as if he's just been stabbed, doe eyes wide and flickering with false innocence.

Taehyung grins, linking arms with Hoseok. "Don't worry about it too much, Hoseokie. Namjoon and Yoongi aren’t stupid, it won't be that long until he figures out Seungwan and Yoongi were never dating."

Is that so...Because they also spent the last year certain that no one but Seokjin knew about their frequent late night rendezvous, something Seokjin quickly learned was quite the opposite.

"Can someone remind me why Jin said they were again?" Jungkook chimes in.

"Jealousy makes the heart grow fonder, Kookie." Seokjin claims, the eldest always seemed to have wisdom to pass on, even if such words of wisdom fell on deaf ears. "Or I guess, more possessive."

"Why can't people just say they love someone when they love someone, it's not that difficult." That was easy for him to say. Jungkook's one and only crush throughout his first years of college was currently leaning over him and giggling softly into his ear, arms hugging his center.

Whenever he recounted he and Jimin's personal love story, it was a few short sentences, and went something along the lines of "met him at orientation and I thought he was cute. Became friends, then I told him I wanted him and we've been going strong ever since."  No one in the room could even imagine a world in which Jungkook's desire could be rejected, or not returned back tenfold, let alone by lovestruck Park Jimin.

The pause in conversation lasts too long, and Jimin pipes up. "They're probably fucking in the car as we speak."

The room bursts into a series of gasps, boos, and broken laughter. The ringing that follows is barely audible, but Seokjin feels the phone buzz in his back pocket. He hushes the rowdy group, before picking up the call without much as a second thought.

“Hello~?”

There's a shuffling of clothes on the other side, but Yoongi's exasperated voice eventually comes onto the line.

“Each and every one of you are so fucking dead to me.”

[betty-nyan]

Thoughts on Chapter 185 & 186

So, looks like this is my first review after a long hiatus... Now let’s dive into it:

Wow, the scene where Gulfan descended for Hak was such a beautiful little moment! Tbh, it’s hard for me to hold my tears back. Such a nicely done, subtle symbolism. Gulfan is the only being that still acts as a connection/bridge between Hak and Soo-Won.

Ah, so we finally got the backstory of Keishuk that we’ve all been desperate for! And he’s not Yu-Hon’s illegitimate son like many assumed. Interesting! It also explains why he admired (and still admires) his saviour, that is none other than Yu-hon himself. So it’s almost like he’s Soo-Won’s big stepbrother. How cute!

I’d really hoped that there’s finally going to be some sort of big revelation during their “talk”, but, oh well... Although Soo-Won’s sudden interest in Zeno’s (and only Zeno’s!) powers is becoming more and more suspicious. But before their conversation even begins, this happens: -_-

Eh, I don’t like where this is going...

Nooo!!! I’ve been denying the whole “Soo-Won-is-sick-and-pulling-an-Itachi” theory over the past few years because why would he suddenly become sick out of nowhere? He hasn’t shown any signs or symptoms up until now, so why all of a sudden? For plot convenience? To get rid of him to make way for Yona, the true red-haired king? It just... doesn’t feel right.

We all know something bad is about to happen when a character mentions how cold it is. But yay, there’s finally a change in seasons! I was wondering how much time has passed since Yona and Hak fled from the castle. Guess we have some clues now! Cool!

This must be the worst nightmare of all HakYona shippers! Lol! Anyways, have some caps of a suffering Soo-Won. Do I want him to suffer? Yes, and... no? It’s a bittersweet moment and I somehow love it. Well, he’s still beautiful, even when in such horrible pain:

While I’m no medical expert, I still have some ideas on what his mysterious out-of-the-blue illness might be. But I’ll talk about it later in this post.

He’s just laying on the floor like a big sack of potatoes and I love it! xD Sorry about that! But we need some moments of laughter after the heart of every Soo-Won fan has been torn into tiny little pieces of despair and betrayal.

But the most emotional part of this chapter is just around the corner:

I’m sobbing, this makes me so sad! T-T 

Now, let’s just forget these moments of endless pain and directly jump to Chapter 186:

Why, you ask? Because Soo-Won is secretly gay for Hak and we all know it. Change my mind!

Tfw you and your one-night stand wake up at the exact same time the morning after. Welp, this is awkward! Sorry, just kidding!

Awww, Yoon and Min-Soo finally met at the castle!

Yoon being the adorable cinnamon roll he’s always been. I’m glad that they let him study medicine at the castle. I wonder if he’s the key to Soo-Won’s cure. Especially now since Senjusou has also been brought up again...

And what about this herb? Yoon mentions how it is poisonous while Min-Soo explains that it can also be used as a medicine if used in small dosages. I’ve read the theory that Min-Soo is actually poisoning Soo-Won several times now. It may be possible, especially since some of his reactions are kinda strange:

Let’s not forget that Yona also noticed his strange behaviour. She then asks Min-Soo about Soo-Won’s mother, Lady Yong-Hi:

Of course, the easiest explanation for Soo-Won’s condition would be that it’s hereditary, knowing that his mother also suffers from an unknown illness. While I do believe that Lady Yong-Hi may play an important role sooner or later, I don’t get the feeling that she’s the cause of his health issues.

What if....

Soo-Won is  actually poisoning himself to punish himself for the deeds he committed. I know it sounds stupid, but maybe he ordered Min-Soo to prepare the poison and to slowly increase the dose. Which may also slowly put him to death. And in the end, no one would notice, because now everyone thinks he has a terminal illness.

Oddly enough, Min-Soo seems also seems to be the only person who is fully aware of Soo-Won’s condition. He clearly is hiding something. Just look at this:

I mean, not even Joo-Doh or Keishuk have noticed that there might be something wrong with his health. Not up until now at least. And he seemed perfectly healthy all the time. Like, he even participated in several fights like the war games and so on...

Some of you guys mentioned that he may have epilepsy, or even worse, a brain tumor. Which are still very likely options if you ask me. The symptoms do seem to fit. But they also seem to fit for poisoning. Because severe headaches are also mentioned in the list of symptoms.

Divine punishment has also been brought up. And tbh, I also like this theory. The castle speeds up the healing process of the Dragons. What if it’s slowly draining Soo-Won’s life energy? But why? Is it because he’s rejecting the gods? Did he get cursed after entering the mausoleum? Does it have something to do with Hiryuu’s unknown illness (there could be a connection if he’s somehow connected to Hiryuu) Or is it something entirely different? And does Yona’s existence have something to do with it? I also consider this part to be very interesting:

Looks like Il knew that he’s about to get killed. And not only that. He also seemed to know that Yona is about to witness this traumatic event. Or did he even know that she may come looking for him?

Oh my... Did Soo-Won really want to become King Hiryuu? Idk, but this feels so OOC for him. Though it might explain why he is rejecting the gods so much. Maybe his father made him believe that he’s Hiryuu’s reincarnation. 

And why is Il talking about how Yona, the “true, red-haired king”, will surely put him to death? Did Il know everything about the prophecy? Was he even able to talk to the gods/hear their words? So far it’s only been shown that he used to be a highly religious person. 

We don’t know yet, but this whole development could turn out to be interesting! Time to get some answers (and a lot of flashbacks)! Come on, we deserve it!