#sorry for being so wordy everyone

[russellsppttemplates]

All the milestones (Lando Norris)

Fraser came earthside earlier than you expected

Note: english is not my first language. Believe it or not, I'm also a preemie (genetically and health wise, I am a catch, I know). Jokes aside as this is a serious topic, I was born at thirty three weeks because of some complications and it all turned out well, but I am aware of what it entailed from people telling me and it isn't something I've seen around here! Knowing that the diversity I write brings comfort to read and to ask this warms my heart up so much 🫶 I'm also basing this off of my mum's experience!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions c-section and themes related to hospital stays and procedures, prematurity, pre-eclampsia

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"I'm really sorry I can't go with you, darling", Lando apoligised as he set the plate with lunch in front of you, "it's okay, it's just an ultrasound", you responded, "we're just going to check if everything is alright with you, right, little one?", you tapped your babybump softly. At thirty weeks pregnant, you were starting to feel the tiredness and aches like you had felt in your previous pregnancy, only now you had a toddler to look after as well, so you had been taking it easy. Fortunately, you were able to juggle work and family life in a way that allowed you to make the minimum compromise to both spheres of your life.

"Drink your water, baby", Lando reminded you, tapping the jug, "I'm going to pick up my dad from the airport and then we'll both get Tilly. Are you feeling like going out for dinner or should I get take out and we eat here?", he questioned, taking a bite of his food.

"I'd prefer to stay in", you stated, "are you feeling like anything special?", he asked back.

"Right now I can't think of anything", you offered, not really looking forward to eating the delicious food in front of you if you were really being honest. Still, you manage to eat the most of it.

"Have a good meeting, Lan, I love you", you said as you put your coat on, grabbing your bag with all your documents.

"Be safe, okay, baby?", he checked, kissing the top of your head and then kissing your baby bump, "and you too, buddy, keep yourself and mummy safe and sound, don't give her too much trouble", he said, helping you out of the door before you went on your separate ways, "I love you, gorgeous mummy!", he winked before he got inside his car.

Once you arrived at the hospital and checked yourself in, your midwife Amelia greeted you in the examination room, "how have you been feeling, Y/N?", she asked as she slipped the bad on your arm to get your blood pressure numbers, sending the urine sample to the lab.

"I've been feeling a little tired, especially compared to last time, which I can only put down to having Tilly, and she's a very calm child", you giggled, remaining quiet as the machine got your numbers.

"These look quite high, did you run up here?", she asked, "no, I got here earlier than I expected actually, I've been sitting on the waiting room for a bit", you scrunched your face.

"We'll just wait for your results and then we'll see if it's something we have to wordy about", she tranquilized, "let's see you baby boy, shall we?", she smiled as you lifted your shirt, letting her apply the cream and move the wand around.

"There's your son, Y/N", she smiled, "He's a bit quiet, but the heartbeat sounds good", she smiled, taking a few more pictures so you could bring them home for Lando and Matilda to see.

A knock on the door alerted you both as Amelia was taking your measurements, "I have the results for Y/N Y/L/N-Norris", your OB checked, seeing you in the room, "Hi, Y/N, I thought I'd only see you later", she said as she walked in. She pulled on a stool and sat on it, "your results are indicating that you might be in pre-eclampsia", she said as she showed the tablet's screen to Amelia, her stern expression confirming your suspicions on how serious the situation was, "your body is having trouble keeping up with everything, hence your high blood pressure and your urine results suggest your kidneys are working overtime as well", Dr. Martin said as you straightened up, hands coming to wrap around your baby bump protectively, "your baby is fine, so that's not a big worry, but we do think it would be best if we delivered him tonight", she advised.

"But he's too small", you argued.

"You're at thirty weeks, which isn't ideal, but the survival rate is very very high for babies born at this time, and we also have a team that is specialised in preemie care, so he will be in the best hands", she comforted, "we need to give you corticosteroids to make sure the baby's lungs are ready for when he comes earthside, we'll get you admitted and monitor you and the baby to make sure he's not struggling either. In a few days, depending on how this goes, we'll do a c-section. I know it's not ideal, but this is the best way to make sure you and baby boy stay safe".

Sighing, you nodded, "okay, whatever is best for both of us", you asserted, "I just need to call Lando - my father in-law is coming to stay for a bit and they're getting Matilda from school", you thought out loud.

"Absolutely, dear, everything is going to be just fine", Amelia conforted while Dr. Martin set you up to go to a room.

Lando helped Matilda up to her car seat, strapping her in as she spoke to his father, "and did you have a good day, princess?", Adam asked, "yes, we coloured lots and we saw a couple of butterflies when we were having our snack!", she smiled as Lando drove home.

The car system alerted them of a call from you, "hey, beautiful, I'm in the car with my father and Tilly - say hi to mummy, babygirl!", he encouraged, "Hi, mummy!", she cheered, "Hey Y/N", Adam greeted too.

"Hey, guys! Lando, can you give the phone to your dad, please?", you asked, "sure, love", he said as he disconnected the phone from the car, nodding his father to take the phone in the console.

"Hey, Y/N, is everything alright?", Adam asked over the phone, "Hey, Adam, I hope you travelled well! I'm not sure if Lando told you, but I had an appointment today, and it turns out I have to be admitted", you began, "I don't want to worry him, much less when he's driving, so as soon as you get home, can you tell him to call me back again, please? Baby Fraser might join us sooner than we expected", you mumbled, nerves obvious in your voice as Adam stayed with a neutral face.

"Absolutely, Y/N, I'll let him know", he said before hanging up.

"What was it? Is everything alright?", Lando asked, knowing there would be a reason as to why you didn't want to have everyone listening to the conversation.

Checking the rearview mirror to see Matilda playing with one of her books, Adam clarified Lando, "she is going to stay at the hospital for a little longer than she expected for some check ups, she didn't want Matilda to hear about it", he said. It wasn't too much of a lie, and he certainly didn't want to scare anyone and since Lando would be calling you anyway, it could wait for a bit, "she asked you to call her when you got home. Don't worry, I'll keep Matilda entertained", he smiled.

Once they arrived, Adam left his things in the guest bedroom and met Matilda in the kuchen, "grandpa will make you some snacks. What do you want, darling?", he asked as he urged Lando to go and make a call to you.

"Hi, baby", Lando said as you picked up, "dad said you wanted me to call you, is everything alright?", he asked as he stepped inside the bedroom, hanging his coat in the closet.

"Hi, my love", you sighed and sending Lando into alert, "when they did my check up, Amelia took my blood pressure and it was really high, and my urine sample didn't look great either. It turns out I'm in pre-eclampsia and they want to keep me for observation, and it's likely Fraser will join us in the next few days", you added, "I need you here -, and things for me", you let out.

"Are you okay? I'll start packing right away", he said as he put his phone on speaker, looking for pyjamas and toiletries.

"My blood pressure is high - so far there's no distress for the baby, and they want to keep him in for as long as they can", you explained, "I, I am fine staying here on my own, that's okay, but I really need you here for a bit", you asked, "of course, my love. I'm going to pack these up quick and I'll be there. I love you", he said before you said it back, putting his phone in his pocket and zipping the bag.

"Daddy, where are you going?", Matilda asked as she saw the bag, "princess, mummy is going to stay in the hospital for a bit so the doctors can make sure her and baby are okay, and daddy is going to take a few things for her", he announced, crouching down so he was at her level.

"Is mummy sick?", she pouted, "she's a little tired, so they're going to make sure she rests up as much as she can", he slipped out, "I'm going to be there for a little bit to giver her her pyjamas so she's comfy, and then I'll be right back, okay? Can you stay here with grandpa?", he asked.

"Okay, daddy", she said before walking away, "but wait!", she called from the hall.

"I'll get dinner started and tuck her in if it gets too late - she didn't want me to tell you until you were home", he apoligised, "I know, I know, thanks for being here, it was bloody good timing", Lando mused.

Matilda came back with one of her stuffed toys, a McLaren bear she loved, "this is for mummy, so she doesn't sleep alone", she smiled sweetly. Maybe her innocence was positive because it meant she was dealing with the situation quite well.

"I'll give it to mummy, baby girl, I bet she'll love it", he smiled, kissing her cheek and leaving to the garage so he could drive to the hospital.

When he arrived, Amelia walked up with him as she told you all there was to know, knocking on your room door before they stepped inside.

"Darling", he said, setting the bag down and sitting next to you on the bed, kissing your forehead protectively, "how are you?", he asked.

"Fine, although I don't think it has really sunk in", you mumbled, playing with his fingers, "how is Tilly?", you wondered.

"She gave you Mr. Brown", he said as he fished out the bear from the bag, "she said she wanted you to have it so you wouldn't be alone in here", he smiled.

After spending as much time as he could with you, he bid you goodbye and went home, finding his father washing up the dishes as Matilda got her pyjamas on for the night, "I have a tupperware for you in the fridge if you want something to eat".

"Thanks, I've got it from here though - c'mon, little miss, we're going to sleep!", Lando hoisted her up, holding her on his hip as they walked upstairs to the bedroom, "can I sleep in your bed, daddy?", Matilda spoke in a small voice, "I don't want you to be alone either", she admitted.

Smiling at her sweetness, he nodded, "of course you can, love. Mummy sent her goodnight wishes for you, and maybe we can visit her tomorrow, how does that sound?", he smiled, "yes, please, daddy!".

.

"I made these for you, mummy, so your room is nice and colourful!", Matilda smiled as Lando let you in for a cuddle, your little girl getting help from her grandfather at ripping the tape so she could display her drawings she brought you almost daily, only missing days where Landk hadn't been able to bring her to the hospital because of their schedules.

"That's beautiful, darling, thank you so much", you gushed before turning to Lando, "has she cried again?", you whispered. You had been in the hospital for five days now, and two nights ago Matilda started with what was a tantrum at first and then evolved to crying about the fact that you weren't home. Lando was able to talk it out with her, welcoming her and allowing her to talk about how she was feeling and how it was beyond the fact that her tights were itching her.

"No, yesterday she told me she couldn't wait for you to come home, and that you were taking longer than she liked", he snickered, "always little miss rushing when it comes to you", he kissed the side of your head. Even though she was a daddy's girl through and through, she never made you feel left out.

"Y/N", Dr. Martin called after she stepped inside the room, "Oh, Matilda, you're so grown up already! Time flies by", she said as she waved at your little girl while Adam pulled her to sit on his lap, whispering "That's mummy's doctor, she is going to check up on her so you have to keep quiet, okay?" into her ear.

"I was checking your results, and I think between tonight and tomorrow, we might have to deliver your baby boy", she stated, everyone in the room straightening up as Matilda tried to read the adults' faces.

"His lungs look really good in the ultrasound we did this morning - as you know those were our biggest concerns, so we'll come up to monitor you, okay?", she rubbed your shoulder comfortingly before excusing herself.

"Well, I think it's best if we get going, then", Adam said as he got up, coming up to kiss the top of your head and squeeze your hand in his.

"Mummy, I know you're going to do very well", she said, earning small giggles around the room, "when can I come and meet the baby?", she stepped up to give you a kiss.

"We will have to see how it all goes, princess, but when you can, you'll be the first to come, okay?", you smiled, brushing the curls out of her eyes and kissing her head.

"I'll drop these guys home, get the baby bag and then I'll be back", Lando said, kissing your lips and your baby bump, "you stay in there for just a little longer, okay buddy?".

By the time Lando got back to the hospital, you had already been given a few medications to prep you for the c-section, "Kelly and Max advised that I shopped for some smaller clothes, so I have those in there", he tapped the baby bag, "and how are you feeling?", he cupped your cheek.

"My blood pressure is really high, so they're thinking about putting me under, like, full body anesthesia", you bit your lip. Getting surgery was already a big thing, but being completely under was another.

"Oh, okay", Lando gulped, "they won't let me be in there then", he realised, "that's not how we wanted this to happen, but it's going to be okay, gorgeous. You're the strongest woman I know, you're going to be just fine", he smiled, "and our baby boy will come out screaming and he will be the strongest little one ever", he said, trying to convince you and himself of his words. He was scared too, but it wouldn't do you both any good to dwell on it too much.

Knocking on the door, one of the lovely interns and Amelia came to get you, "are we all ready? I'm afraid you already know this, Lando, but you won't, be able to be with us in the OR", she apoligised, "I'll wait right here, if that's okay", your husband suggested, kissing you one last time before they wheeled you off, "I love you, Y/N", he muttered against your lips.

While he waited, he looked at the drawings in the room with precise attention, finding one where Matilda drew the four of you, her brother in your arms and Lando holding her hand, names scribbled under each person in Adam's writing.

Less than an hour later, Amelia stepped into the room, Lando getting up from his spot on the chair immediately, "everything went well, they were weaning Y/N off of the anesthesia, she's going to the PACU until she wakes up and then back here", she smiled, "your little boy is in the neonatal unit, do you want to come and meet him?", she asked, Lando letting out a sigh of relief at her words, "I'll let you know when Y/N comes back to the room", she ensured, having been in the job long enough to know the dilemma of wanting to be in two places at the same time.

"Yes, let's go", he said as he straightened up his sweater, "can I hug you?", he allowed himself to feel emotional, Amelia's open arms offering him a little comfort, "they're both alright, Lando, you have such a beautiful family", she cooed.

Walking with him to the neonatal care unit, she helped him into one of the gowns as they greeted the other parents inside along with all of the staff, "this is your little boy", she said, offering him a sanitizer for his hands, "he can't eat on his own just yet, so that single tube on his nose is feeding him, the other one is giving him oxygen, and those stickers are to make sure his heart is doing okay - little milestones and little victories", she explained as Lando took him in.

Surely, he was much smaller than Matilda, but he could already spot some similarities, "Can I touch him?", he asked, weary of disturbing the perfectly architected environment inside the incubator, "yes, of course! Just be mindful of the wires and tubes", she encouraged, opening the little doors so Lando could touch your son.

"Hey, buddy", he spoke as he touched his tiny fingers, "you're already such a fighter, breathing so well without ventilation", he cooed. He looked up all the complications and when he didn't see a mechanical ventilator, he couldn't help but feel proud of the baby, "he is, we did all the tests and for now supplemental oxygen seems to be enough", Dr. Martin said softly, not wanting to spook them as she showed up, "everything went well with Y/N, she should make a full recovery once it heals", she rubbed his back.

"Thank you", he said, keeping the tears at bay as he looked back at Fraser, "you're so tiny they had to roll up your diaper, hm little love?", he spoke, "there are so many people who love you and they have so much of it to give you".

A little while later, Amelia told him they were taking you up to your room, so Lando said goodbye to Fraser, "I'm going to see mummy, Fraser, and I'm going to tell her how much of a higher you are, I love you", he cooed one last time, rubbing his arm before taking his hands away, closing the little doors and folding the gown for later.

Walking into the corridor to your room, Lando could spot you in the other end, smiling as you spotted him too, "nearly beat you in this race", you smiled at him as he gestured for them to wheel you into the room, "everything went as expected, Dr. Martin will be up shortly to speak to you two", one of the interns said.

"How are you feeling, gorgeous?", he said, brushing your hair away from your eyes and behind your ears, "I'm fine, the meds are helping with the pain, I'm sure", you giggled, "they gave me a good dose".

"That's nice, at least", he said, "I've texted everyone to let them know you were okay and everything went well", he added.

"Have you seen him yet?", you asked, "yes, I have", Lando beamed, "He's very tiny and he looks a little bit like Tilly already. And he's such a fighter, too! He only had those little pin-like tubes to help him breathe, they didn't need any incisions or anything. I would've taken a picture but I couldn't take my hands away from him", he admitted.

"Hopefully soon I can see him", you gulped, knowing it would off the books for a bit since you had abdominal surgery.

"All in due course, baby. I'm so happy you're both fine", he kissed your forehead.

.

"I just want to hold my baby!", you hiccuped, wiping the tears falling on your cheeks while Amelia conforted you, "just one more day, Y/N, maybe two at maximum to make sure you're healing well, too", she smiled apologetically.

A knock on the door alerted you as Lando and Matilda walked inside, making you wipe your cheeks quickly, "mummy!", she cheered softly, approaching you and climbing on the bed softly since she knew you were healing, "have you been crying, mummy?", she said, hugging your arm and resting her head there.

"Mummy is upset because I can't go and see Fraser today", you explained as Lando kissed the top of your head.

Amelia excused herself as you caught up with everything back home, "grandpa asked me to give you kisses", Matilda recalled as she kissed your cheeks, "his plane has landed alresdy", Lando added, "That's nice of him, thank you darling".

"We can go and meet Fraser, Tilly", Lando said as the window they allowed visitors in was coming to the half-time mark, "I'm going to give him loads of kisses from you mummy, don't worry about it!", your daughter said sweetly as she climbed off the bed, "I'm going to try and FaceTime, okay?", Lando confirmed, handing you your phone before they left for the neonatal unit.

"Matilda, darling, you have to put this on, okay?", one of the nurses gave her a mask, "she's in nursery and she might have caught some bug that isn't showing symptoms yet and it could be harmful for the babies", he checked with Lando as your husband nodded.

"It's like a costume, Tilly!", Lando tried to make it fun for her, adjusting the gown and then the mask around her face, "you can't go around touching things, okay princess?", he stated as she nodded, ready to meet her little brother.

Lando got himself gowned and led them to Fraser's incubator, "that is Fraser, baby", he cooed, typing on his phone inside the clear bag and FaceTiming you like he promised so you too could see the moment they met for the first time.

"He's so tiny", she gasped, standing on the stepping stool so she could see him properly, "I can't kiss him, can I?", she asked and Lando shook his head, watching you smile on the screen, "I'm going to blow him the kisses I have from mummy then", she said, her hand making the movements from her covered mouth to her brother, "I love you, Fraser, and mummy loves you too, she can't be getting because her tummy still hurts a little", she told him.

"This just makes you want to have another right away, doesn't it?", Lando croaked out as he wiped a tear from his eye, your wide eyes looking at him, "not anywhere in the near future - my body knows that much!", you giggled at the soft sight, "but it is incredibly cute, yes", you smiled as tears fell on your cheeks too.

"Look, mummy! He moved his hand, he's saying hello to you", Matilda smiled, "He's saying he wants to see you, too!".

.

You were finally able to stand up and sit in a wheelchair, so your other goal for the day was going to see your son.

Amelia was the first to say she would take you, helping you sit and getting you there, "That's your little boy right there", she pointed as you were filled with giddiness and excitement.

Wheeling you to face plastic bassinet, your hand went straight inside, "he doesn't need oxygen anymore?", you asked his doctor, noticing the single tube you recognised as a feeding tube, "no, not anymore", he said, "we ran some tests this morning and he's doing just fine on his own, strong set of lungs he has! He woke two of the other babies up yesterday", he smiled.

Chuckling, you touched his arm softly, his hands opening and closing, "do you want to hold him?", he asked, catching you by surprise. Until now, no one ever held him as to make sure the treatments being done were working as best as they could.

"Can I?", you asked, eyes hopeful, "me and the rest of the team think he's finally strong enough to move out of here actually", he added, "not enough to go home just yet, but he can be in your room. This way you can have him close to you and of anything happens or you need help, the staff in your floor know what to do. He just needs to be able to feed without a pump, so either breastfeeding or bottle feeding", he stated.

"Wow, okay, I wasn't expecting this, I was so happy that I got to see him", you teared up, bringing your arms to position so the doctor could place your baby in your arms, mindful of the feeding tube that was still in him, "hey, my love", you cooed, touching his cheeks, "I'm your mummy. I know you were rushed out of my tummy, and it was scary for both of us, but it's looking up now", you cried, Amelia wiping your cheeks as she smiled too.

"Do you mind if we take his tube out now? Might be a little better for this little guy to be in his mummy's chest", the doctor suggested, getting the supplies he needed and setting them in the tray.

"It's okay, little guy", he said as he pulled it out, baby Fraser crying at the discomfort you could only imagine as you rubbed his back, "it's okay, my love, mummy's here to make it better", you shushed him, kissing his head multiple times.

"There, all done!", the doctor said, "if you want, you can feed him here or in your room, where you feel best", he wondered, "could we go to the room, please? I have my supplies there, too", you asked.

You had been pumping milk out since it came in, and you were finally able to feed him straight from your nipple, "okay, little one, you can't get lazy on us now that mummy has you in her room", Amelia encouraged, tapping his cheek slightly as he began suckling on your nipple, "there we go!", she cheered, "I told you it would get better, didn't I?", she winked at you.

When Lando and Matilda came for their daily visit, they didn't expect to see you walking around the room, your back facing the door, "you're up, mummy, that's good!", your daughter said as you turned around, showing her brother on your chest, "oh", she gasped.

"He passed all his tests, and he's getting chubby too", you cooed, squishing his thigh softly as Lando took the sight in, Matilda holding onto you as you patted her head and held your son. Your family was complete.

"That's daddy, Fraser", you cooed, pointing at Lando as your baby boy looked around to the two new people in the room.

"Can I have a cuddle?", Lando whispered before you transferred Fraser to his arms, your little boy curling up against him just like he had been curled up to you.

"Does this mean you get to go home?", Matilda asked, hugging you properly as you sat down on the bed with her, "not for a few days still, they just need to make sure Fraser is alright", you informed, "then we can go home and the four of us are going to have loads of fun", you smiled.

.

"Tilly, can you help me here, please?", Lando called as her footsteps approached your bedroom, "can you get me that bedding from the drawer, please?", Lando asked as he held the mattres up, not wanting to miss the exact placement of the sheet, "thank you, baby, you're such a clever girl", he complimented, folding the corner in and letting the mattress fall back into place.

"When mummy comes home tonight, is Fraser coming with her?", she wondered, touching the next to me bassinet you kept in your room for the baby to sleep in the first few months, "yes, he is, he's finally good and big enough to come home, no more hospital visits", Lando sighed. The last couple of weeks were hard. Juggling things on his own made him even more appreciative of you and the efforts you made to make sure everything was smoothly running in the house, as well of your friends and family who suported your family in every way they could.

"That's going to be nice, the hospital smells funny", she scrunched up her nose, "and it's going to be like before but with baby Fraser?", she wondered.

"At first mummy will need our help in many things - she still has some recovery to do, but then it will be back to normal, yes", Lando offered, "and we'll have Fraser to go with us in our adventures".

"I can't wait to show him my soft blankets and my toys", she beamed, helping Lando with the bed and then getting ready to pick you up from the hospital.

"Thank you again for all of your work and dedication, we truly can't say it enough for all you've done for our family", Lando said to the team as they discharged you from the hospital, waving at Fraser in his carrier as he looked around.

By the time the four of you were back home, you ate dinner on the sofa, Matilda cuddled up to your side while Fraser slept in your chest, Lando holding the four of you in his embrace as much a she could, "we're finally all together", you smiled, "the Norris family is all together in one place we it should be", he said, kissing your lips softly, hand coming to rest on top of yours in Fraser's back as Matilda smiled up at you, "this is the best day ever", she murmured.

Post partum blurb

[andivmg]

speak up andi, I beg of you, you have been mistreated the most here, I know it took shubble a lot of courage but she has helped so many people

i want to start this off by saying it is not a competition and i do not want to compare my experience to anybody else’s. shubble is so fucking strong and i admire her and everyone else who has spoken up about experiencing abuse endlessly.

DISCLAIMER 1

this is way longer than i intended it to be. i did not plan to go into as much depth as i did but the words just kinda kept coming and i kept thinking that if someone else is in a similar situation to the one i was in, it would be good to point out even some of the smaller details so that they can see that these behaviors are not something to be overlooked and could be a symptom of a bigger issue… idk. i apologize for how lengthy and wordy this is but i hope it all makes sense somehow

DISCLAIMER 2

a lot of you know who one of my exes is and i am asking you to please not make this about him. i am simply sharing my experience with some of my past relationships in hopes that they help someone else. i beg of you, do not go on twitter making threads speculating on whatever because it’s just going to cause me a bunch of problems and i don’t want this to be brought to his attention. if you share my story, please do not do it with the intent of starting drama. if you share my story, focus on the behaviors i am talking about instead of trying to figure out if it’s about him.

DISCLAIMER 3

this goes without saying but i’ll put it here anyway: i will be talking about toxic relationships, mention of self harm, mention of sex, implied violence. if any of these topics are triggering to you please scroll away, protect yourself.

I have been in a lot of relationships, but there are 4 that i would truly identify as the ones who had the biggest impact on me. Two of those i would consider emotional mistreatment. I don’t want to say i was abused for reasons that i will be discussing with my therapist this week, but i can certainly say i was mistreated. For the sake of privacy, i will be referring to these two dudes as 1 and 6.

I think the biggest difference between 1 and 6 is that 6 was obsessed with me to the point where i felt like i was being suffocated, whereas i’m not sure if 1 ever cared about me in the first place.

6 and i started out pretty normally. we had a bunch of friends in common and we were around the same people. so eventually, we became friends too. we would text and call all the time until feelings developed into a relationship. in the beginning he was really sweet and caring, saying all the right things that got me falling head over heels. now, something important to note is that i am someone who has always had a lot of guy friends. when i was little and in school, my mom made friends with a bunch of other moms and those moms were boy moms, so i grew up surrounded by boys. i bring this up because 6 didn’t like my guy friends. actually, i think he just didn’t like the fact that i had guy friends at all. so, whenever i would hang out with my friends, it was a problem. so this resulted in me never being able to go out or hang out with my friends unless he was there. then it got worse. before we started dating he had decided to cut back on drinking and to stop smoking. so because of this, i decided that i wouldn’t drink or smoke around him in solidarity. this was not enough for him. i had to stop drinking and smoking altogether. so once, when i was hanging out with my girl friends we decided to stay in and get wine drunk. we posted about it on our private stories on snap and once he saw, 6 called me arguing and yelling at me because i was drinking and posting about it on my story for “attention”. after this incident, i was no longer allowed to hang out with my friends because they were a “bad influence”. he also didn’t like the clothes i wore. sorry, let me reiterate: he didn’t like my clothes when he wasn’t around. it was perfectly fine for me to wear a short dress… if i was with him. i was not allowed to wear “revealing” clothing if he wasn’t around. mind you, none of the clothes i wore were revealing, it’s not my fault i’m hot yk? he took over my life. who i talked to, what i did, what i wore, where i would go, it was all up to him. my life no longer belonged to me. and at the time, i was okay with that. i didn’t realize that he had so much control over everything. i was young and naïve and he convinced me that he knew what was best for me. that he had lived more than i had and experienced more than i had and that he knew better. he was so good at making everything my fault and making him the hero or victim depending on the situation. i got catcalled on the street? “because you were wearing that fucking dress again, andrea you know how that looks. of course you got catcalled. this is why you can’t wear things like that when i’m not around to protect you”. I decided to have a fun night in with my friends and get drunk? “i just don’t understand why you would be posting yourself on your private story like that. you’re drunk and vulnerable. why do you want other people, other guys, to see you like that? and you know i’ve cut back on drinking so how do you think it makes me feel to see that? don’t you love me enough to do this for me?” the worst part is i believed him. because, in the beginning, he helped me so much and i looked up to him so much, surely he had my best interests at heart, right? this relationship went on for way longer than it should have. you may be asking yourself, how did you leave? if you were so in love with him and entranced by him to the point where he consumed you, why did you leave? he raised his hand. that’s what got me to finally leave. a year after we broke up, i found out that he was drinking, smoking, and doing all kinds of shit he told me he wasn’t throughout our entire relationship. he was awful, and i’m really proud of myself for being strong enough to leave when i did. i’m also really grateful for my friends, who stuck out that whole train wreck with me. who i lashed out against in order to protect him and defend him. they stuck by me through it all and i don’t know where i would be without them so shoutout to them lmfao.

1 was a bit more complicated. it started out in a similar way. we had the same friends, hung out around the same people, so it was only a matter of time until we became friends too. we would call and text every day until feelings were developed. at least i developed feelings, i’m still not sure he did. i told him this and i don’t remember how the conversation went but basically we had decided that we were talking as more than friends now. enough time went by where i was ready for it to become a relationship and i communicated that to him. looking back, i think he felt pressured into the relationship by me and by our friends. anyway we started dating and everything was fine. we would hang out and talk all the time but i felt like he was bored or disinterested by me, so i would constantly beg for his attention. i became this needy clingy version of myself that i hated. it felt like when we would hang out, he was always distracted by something else. i basically felt invisible to him. that is, when i wasn’t hanging out with my guy friends. similarly to 6, 1 did not like my guy friends or the fact that i had guy friends in the first place. i had a guy best friend at the time who is one of the most amazing people i have ever met. let’s call him S. S and 1 were acquainted with each other, hung out in the same circles etc. but 1 still didn’t like him. sometimes, whenever 1 was busy doing whatever he did when he wasn’t with me, i would hang out with S, we would watch shows together and just talk. Some days, it felt like i talked to S more than my own boyfriend. this did not sit well with 1. he would ask “why the fuck are you always hanging out with him?” to which i would reply “maybe if you hung out with me more, i wouldn’t have so much free time to spend with him” (toxic ik but what can i say? i was feeling neglected). so you can see what problems this caused. eventually i cut S off. I stopped talking to him completely and i haven’t spoken to him since. Back to 1. even after cutting off my best friend, nothing really changed. He didn’t spend much time with me and whenever we would, i felt like he couldn’t wait to go off and do something else. this got exhausting. at that point i was begging him to love me, to pay attention to me, to care about me. this led to us breaking up. he broke up with me over text. it read, and i quote, “i think we aren’t meant for each other. i think you deserve someone that will treat you better than i do. I don’t think i’m in love with you and i tried to force myself to love you because i thought that’s what i wanted but i really don’t think it is. we started this relationship when i was just tired of being alone and i really just don’t think it is right anymore. i don’t think i am attracted to you. I am sorry, i really didn’t know how to end this and this probably isn’t the best way to do it but it’s time”. The relationship went on for another six months after this. granted, i should have had more self respect and never gotten back together with him but it is what it is. so after he told me that he didn’t love me and that he wasn’t attracted to me, we stayed “friends”. which basically meant that we did everything that a relationship involved. without actually being in a relationship. that is, until one of his friends hit me up. there was some flirtation going on but nothing serious. i was still in love with 1 but, at the time, i was in desperate need for attention and his buddy was there to provide it. when i told 1 about it he flipped out, called me all kinds of crazy and decided he was done with me. his friend and i talked about it and poked fun at the fact that he broke up with me but got mad at someone else paying attention to me. when 1 saw this (he ended up forcing me to show him the screenshots of the conversation) he was even more pissed and even more done with me. the next day he called me and we were basically back together again.

however, this time, i was meant to earn his affection. because i did something so unforgivable and atrocious, he was basically in the clear to treat me like shit. and he did. he would cancel plans to go hang out with his friends. he would only come over late at night, even when i had class the next day. i was basically at his mercy. we only hung out when he decided. we only spoke when he wanted to. i honestly can’t even recall us going on any date after that incident, save for one dinner. in short, i was not a priority to him. this, combined with some other stuff, really took at toll on my mental health. i entered a deep depression and began self-harming after being clean for 3 years. i sought out help and found a wonderful therapist who really helped me. but, 1 only saw this as one more problem. when we hung out he would complain that i was too sad. important note: because of that text he sent me i was incredibly insecure. so, little arguments would always end up escalating because i felt like he literally did not care about me and he would just keep making me feel like shit about being depressed. whenever we argued (which was very often) it would end in me locking myself in the bathroom, sobbing, nearly throwing up, while he was on his phone. i remember one specific argument started because he asked me if i would leave him for harry styles and i jokingly said yes (i am not and have never been attracted to harry styles). that argument escalated to the point where we almost broke up and he said to me “you should warn people before they fall in love with you that you are so mentally ill. because you’re always going to bring down the mental state of who you’re with”. he used my mental health against me like that a lot. whenever i would bring up something i wanted him to do or something that i didn’t like, he would call me needy, clingy, and say that he was trying his best but that i needed too much, that i was too much. all i wanted was reassurance. looking back, that’s all i ever asked for. whenever i would ask him if he loved me he would say “well i’m with you aren’t i?”. this is the same man who decided to go to vegas with his friends on my birthday after he promised he wouldn’t. this is the same man who said that he didn’t love me. the same one who said he wasn’t attracted to me. the same man who i would catch looking at other girl’s (some being his “friends”) provocative pictures on twitter. (this is definitely tmi so i’m just going to put a bunch of asterisks at the end of the tmi so you can skip there if you don’t want to read it) but there was a long period of time in our relationship where we had zero intimacy, and it wasn’t because of me. this fucked with my head a lot because i had this idea that because i was so emotional and needy that i could compensate physically. but when that stopped, my thoughts looked something like “the only thing i was useful for was sex and now he doesn’t even want that from me”.************whenever i remember this, a part of me thinks he might’ve been cheating on me during that time, but i have no proof so i guess we’ll never know. also during that time period, we were arguing over the same things over and over “it feels like you don’t love me” “but i’m hanging out with you” “that’s not the same as loving me” “you’re so fucking needy. and then you wonder why i don’t like coming over”. it was exhausting. we had the same friend group. and even our friends got so sick of us that they would tell me to break up with him. this went on for months until one day, on our one year anniversary, he told me that his plans for the day included playing video games. nothing else. that’s when i broke up with him. that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. i just couldn’t do it anymore.

we stayed friends afterwards in order to keep the peace within the friend group. after about a month, he told me he was going to do better. he said he was going to start going to the gym, and maybe even going to therapy, that he was going to eat better and live a better lifestyle for me. he said he was going to plan dates for us and treat me the way i deserved etc. very much vibes from that one euphoria scene. but i was done. maybe i didn’t communicate that well enough to him and that’s my fault. but i was really confused at the time and i didn’t know what i wanted. eventually we had a conversation and that’s when i told him that i was no longer interested in a relationship. i think i just didn’t believe him anymore. i didn’t believe that he would change for me or anyone else for that matter. through the entire relationship he was mean to me, he neglected me, belittled me, and overall made me feel like shit at worst and invisible at best. even when i would offer to plan things or suggest activities for us to do together, he would be disinterested the entire time or just cancel and make plans with his friends instead. and of course it was all my fault for one, flirting with his friend that one time, and two, just not being interesting enough. he made it feel like i wasn’t good enough, and at the same time victimized himself. he would tell me “nothing i do is ever good enough for you” while i was the one putting in all the effort in the relationship. then he would go “well why would i put in effort with you? remember when you were flirting with [redacted]? I still think about that and it fucks me up”. mind you, he would only bring this up whenever i brought up any concerns or issues. anyway, as you can tell it took me a really long time to realize that this relationship was toxic and unhealthy and i’m really proud of myself, again, for having the strength to leave and never look back. i think one of the reasons why it took me so long to realize that i was being mistreated was because everyone around him loved him. and to me it was hard to see how someone that was so well liked could be bad. so i felt like i was the problem. i felt like there was something wrong with me and if i just fixed that, then he would treat me better and love me and care about me. it took a lot of therapy to realize that he just wasn’t that into me. i was like a toy to him that he could just pay attention to when he was bored but ignore me the rest of the time. but then, when someone else showed interest in me he would suddenly care and be like “no she’s mine, you can’t have her”. he didn’t want me but he didn’t want anyone else to have me and that was the bottom line. that was the base off all the problems and toxicity that happened while we were together.

in conclusion, both of these men were awful in their own unique ways. i hope that by sharing this, someone who is in a similar situation will see it and identify these behaviors as something to watch out for. i hope that someone will see it and realize that they are not alone, and that they are not the first person to go through it, and that it gets better. these events all happened over two years ago and now i am in a beautiful and healthy relationship, i’m studying something that i am passionate about, and i am surrounded by people who love, care about, and support me. i am in a much happier place now and you will find that too, whoever you might be <3

[rainworldmap]

Yippe!!!!< loves being tagged

One thing I dont love on the other hand is picking one singular favorite song, seems impossible actully. So I'll just throw in a couple (a lot) ones :D

So im definitly a fan of 'the mountain goats' one of my all time faves being "up the wolves" (my dear and beloved) but "this year" and "lions teeth" are sooo good also!

Im never not gonna take a chance to mention 'everything everything' because im possibly their number one fan :) and everyone should know all of the album "go to heaven" is a banger (shoutout to "warm healer" especially) but "jennifer" is so nice and im forever crazy about "wizard talk" (and "ludites and lambs" and "come alive diana" and and and)

Ahem anyhow! For some more michelaniois (watch me not spell that right) songs "no more virgos" by CMAT is one of my recent favorites (great driving music (also go listen to her song "i dont really care about you), "my love took me down to the river" by little green cars which is always good when i remember it exsist and also putting the national anthem "välkommen in" by veronica maggio here!

Also also "father" by the front bottoms!!!! (And alot of their pther songs)

Ok ok woopsie i definitly went on for too long but oh well! (Could have kept on going for hours)

For people to @t hmmmm (so many of you guys) oh!

@x-critter2022 @gremsnleir @bonniesband also @fadebolt (hi!!! I know we dont know each other but your very cool and ive been trying (and failing) to come up with a plan for befriending you as the reblogs have been proven hard to overcome, anyhow hi :D!) And im not brave enough to @t anyone else from the rwroompolls but oh well!

Also @chirping-astronaut oooohhh my beloved my dear pick one singular song i belive in you👍👍👍👍

hey m u t u a l s what’s your favorite song?

(tag friends as well)

@snukysnake

@insert-clever-username-1133

@thenotherkid

@primerockroast

@enoby-darkness-raven-way

@vivienne-the-drakelayer

@tacofriend

[sugar-crash]

🍬King Candy (Wreck-It Ralph) x (gn) Reader👑

(Past-lover Reader Edition)

(Picture’s not mine!)

(Yeah so… Whenever I try to link something from both my main and this blog it doesn’t load so… Don’t know what’s up with that 😭 Also sorry if this is a wordy text I just had so much to talk about)

- Honestly, as “lame” (trust me it is NOT) as this is it strikes a particular cord with me, like the concept of him being with someone before RoadBlasters, and years of hiding away in either the bowels for game central station or in Sugar Rush under a different identity they come back to him— But doesn’t recognize him… HOW?

- Jokes aside both personalities share a whole lot of similarities, more than he likes slip out, does just that the bouts of easily provoked rage, selfishness, the drive to win, the attention seeking— And yeah makes them look at one another in confusion but he’s all they know, so, why would they question him?

- Just everything is Turbo underneath a more notable lisp, fake cheerful disposition, and a soft sugary look, he may be a bit more cunning I mean he had a lot of time to think to himself, and nicer but that niceness is conditional.

- Who knows, maybe that’s what lured you in, nostalgia and deja vú that you sum up from Sugar Rush being a racing game like Turbo Time, a lot of mental gymnastics would have to be done to excuse the shit Candy slips up with.

- I mean, you’re an outlier, a disembodied number, he didn’t keep in mind when he usurped the throne— I mean, you’d think you’d avoid racing games after what happened to him. Makes him a bit resentful towards you at first, after all this time of trying to forget his mistakes you come waltzing in with an in awe look on your face, eager to see the new racers and new environment of sugar and spice.

(Dnypsyadnq, dnypsyadnq)

- A part of him wonders how you don’t know, I mean he doesn’t expect you to discover him the first time you meet— But the more and more you guys interact he’s left speechless by how you don’t know, you loved him didn’t you? … The other part is glad you don’t, one less person to extort to keep his secrets, make his life even more easier than it already was as a highly privileged patriarch.

- I think he tries to “covertly” push you away from Sugar Rush, not wanting the reminder that he fucked up his life drastically, but like a cockroach— Which I do see him calling you while venting about you to Sour Bill or one of the doughnut police before scoffing and asking himself why he even bothers, they could never understand.

- And if you keep on coming back, whether it be from general curiosity to Sugar Rush or coming back for him specifically to talk to, so much so he has to just deal with it begrudgingly, grumbling to himself as he catches himself looking at you whenever he can… Which of course he plays off as just being annoyed by your presence as you rattle off about your day almost just like you used to back in the good old days.

- I mean, he plays it off as a “following the code” kind of thing… But everyone knows he’s full of shit to a degree, as sneaky as he can be for much of his antics, you bring about such a palpable sense of emotion from King Candy, like a person constantly being reminded of a past they desire to go back to… But many disregard it as a simple cartoonish rivalry with how he taunts you, vaguely reminding you of how Turbo used to, to the point where you keep coming for more, a concept well known and even expected in the arcade. It can’t possibly be something serious… Can it?

- No one expects such a brightly colored game to have anything serious to it, but here’s King Candy, with his C.L.A.W force and manipulation when he thinks his position is threatened, threatening to put you into the fungeon but never following through for some reason. A part of him admits that you make him a bit more softer, there’s a sense of nostalgia tied to you that lures him in every time.

(Jx ilufkc xlt jnyks lkix dnypsyadnq)

- Honestly in any form of relationship that may occur, lies will be in it, even before the whole RoadBlasters situation he lied to you, a lot, I mean, it’s like second nature to him— Even after all this time it hasn’t changed, I mean— He’s basing your “new” relationship on a lie, a big fat bitch of a lie, pardon my potty mouth.

- Honestly I believe he’d be reluctant to even start a friendship with you because he’d be so afraid of being found out, especially by you… But of course he gets more daring, cocky even as he realizes you truly aren’t putting the pieces together.

- A whole lot of things could happen in this situation, how far can he go before you start getting suspicious of him when he slips up? Do you even have the capacity to and it sticking in a compelling way? I think after a while he just steadily keeps you closer and closer, clutching onto the physical memory of his past as a means to make himself feel a better, as “blameless” as he may act he has his regrets and having you around happens to calm them down, if only for a moment.

- I mean, I have expressed my curiosity over this time and time again but I simply can’t stop thinking about it. The arcade characters are their own beings, with their own thoughts and choices, but, from what I can tell at the very least, there’s a palpable disconnect that keeps them from being fully complex in their emotions in a “real way”, which is a good way of conveying that even though they may act human they are still the product of humans. Which I kinda believe may have been less effective with the earlier arcade games, much like game mechanics and imagery, slowly evolving.

- As much as they may imitate humanity they aren’t, so, something that comes across to a gamer as odd may be called out— To a game character it’s just one of their fellow coworkers or in King Candy’s case a ‘pre-programmed’ leader simply being themselves, they don’t know anything else beyond that after all.

(Xltp hfqq vyq qtad y qaypnr sdfkc sl jn)

- Even with this all and his over exaggerated attitude, I believe that unlike the other arcade cabinets of his time, he’s probably able to realize things some things, the existentialism of being a creation to a creator that was made for the entertainment of higher beings, forever racing around a race track—

- The sense of purpose and mortality that clenched at his soul when RoadBlasters started taking it away with better graphics, better mechanics, better everything. I mean Ralph said he and his game were “very lucky” to have had gone on for so long without any problems regarding the game, it can be argued that Turbo was probably deeply afraid of that due to him valuing his life and his place in the arcade, especially with people like you at his side, having so much to lose and still making the wrong decisions.

- I see him venting about it to you, you guys were close after all, that burst of negative emotions that you couldn’t do nothing to quell as he searches and searches till he finally comes to a conclusion, much like how Ralph did when he wanted to prove himself to the Nice Landers and Fix-It Felix that he was more than what he was programmed.

- I don’t think he’d treat it with sorrow, hell, in the movie he doesn’t. He’s so keen to give himself new purpose when he old one loses the wonder that made it so special to the gamers, not giving anything a thought, not even you, as he takes that plunge, racing car revving as he’s able to sneak it into RoadBlasters.

- Or even as he proudly displayed himself cruising around the screen of RoadBlasters before violently crashing into the main character's kart, breaking both games with his missteps and having to hide away in the bowels of the Game Central Station, only watching people from afar like a more spiteful and prideful Phantom of the the Opera.

- Gazing at you from afar, a part of himself so intrinsically tied to you he could never deny it, I think he makes a promise to himself that inevitably doesn’t keep, keeping away from you. There’s some tragedy to be considered in this situation for both parties, even if they don’t know it till it’s too late.

(I ayks enifnun fs’q gtqs y etpkfkc jnjlpx

This is more of a word barf than anything, again my school has been killing my creative ideas so this may be… Derivative.)

[lukazade]

Foreword: it's all just my opinion! Don't freak out! Don't worry! Listen if you want, don't listen if you don't! Discuss if you want, don't if you don't! Awesome! Also man it's wordy I'm sorry!

Ok I know we've talked about zooble trans allegory and yes, agree, however. I think it's also like, something about acceptance and adjustment as a whole concept. A feeling of self actualisation,, or something. I'm gonna talk about masking now!

Some characters have adjusted implicitly to the circus (Ragatha, Jax), some have brute-force adjusted (Kinger, Pomni), and some have adjusted by refitting to their environment as it changes (Zooble, Gangle).

What I mean to say is this hints at their past lives a little more (to me);

Ragatha and Jax

Ragatha and Jax are what I would call perfect maskers. The type who do it so well they fool themselves - the type who have the sort of trauma that just can't be given to an adult. It's entwined into your birthright. Ragatha has always come across as having "eldest daughter syndrome" (if you're not sure what I mean by this, look it up!) and Jax chooses destruction and cruelty in his every play (I know men who do not know how to be Nice to others and can only bully and demean the people they even genuinely like, because of toxic masculinity being ingrained in the very fabric of being A Boy in this world- yadda yadda yawn) (note: this still makes them suck and please don't forgive people who say "this is just how I am" when they hurt you just because of whatever they've been through. You are now going through it for them.) but they don't come across as genuine. Neither of them feel genuine.

Jax wants everyone to enjoy his "banter" and thinks that them reacting is similar to them enjoying. They're partaking, after all. He doesn't like when people aren't playing along with him, but they don't play with him because his playstyle is cruelty. He's compelled to be mean. And he needs you to respond in his language - his language that is obscene and hurtful. And it gets worse as you engage with it, because he's playing with you. And not necessarily to hurt you. Just.. to hurt you. You feel me? It's a game. It's not real. Why would it upset you? Lighten up.

Ragatha wants the same, in a way. She wants to play house (needs to) because eldest daughters can never stop playing house. They've been doing it since the second the younger sibling was born. Perhaps even parented a parent, with no siblings at all to speak of. They start the job so young that they do not live in reality. They're playing house. They're the mother. And Pomni is literally child shaped, so of course she wants to nurture and care for her. And of course she wants to care for everyone, because that's what she knows how to do; she can't accept thanks for it because of course she'll take care of you. She'll take care of everything. It's nothing to be thanked for. And Pomni is her child but also,,, she's not actually. That's not her child or even A child. She'll parent her as a way to show her love, right down to, "she's too busy flirting with gummigoo to be with us, wish someone would flirt with me" (aka: "she doesn't love mommy anymore, she's abandoning mommy and growing up"). We aren't going to travel this path further in this post but if you're a freak who wants to explore it feel free! Heck. Maybe you already have explored it! Life's crazy.

Anyway. They hate each other, (Ragatha and Jax) but they get along because they're both able to, weirdly, find common ground. Ragatha gets to bite at him in an angry housewife way. He gets to bite at her because she bites back. They let off steam by arguing, where he tends to play defence to her offence, when you might assume a nasty rude cruel guy would raise his voice and deny her the right to do so. I won't go further here either because I lack evidence the deeper I go rotating these two in my mind. My evil otp. Sorry Ragatha I think you're a lesbian having weird things with Pom but you're part of my evil otp with nasty Jax because you're parallels of what the world does to its eldest sons and daughters sorreeeeey.

Pomni and Kinger

These two are. They're rotating in my mind. Yeah. Yeah they are, right there. The child he never got to have, the father figure she evidently yearns for.

These two are the type who don't adjust well. They don't mask well. They can't hold it in and lie about things, and when they do they fall apart.

Pomni is in the early stages of a new environment - she can't blend into it all even though she looks the most like a circus act. She tries, but the way it drives her up the wall, the way every good moment is also a moment waiting to strike, she can't. Until the moments she can. When it's quiet, when people are acting normal, when she's alone somewhere and can functionally talk about it. And then she's. Fine. She blends, she matches. She's just in hell, just in the circus. It's okay though.

But there's only so much talking things out can do, especially when you're stuck somewhere that actively traumatises you. Going back to therapy won't stop the bad things from happening, and so she'll loop again and again until... well, who knows! I hope we find out!

Kinger my beloved that killed his wife (?) either beforehand (while alive) OR believes so because he watched her abstract in front of him, and confused it with killing her. Who knows. His real life and his life in the circus are one and the same, he can't pick them apart. Because he never did adjust. It all slams into him every time, he needs that quiet, dark, emotional place that Pomni is still reaching for. But he has accepted that he doesn't fit and can't reach. He's literally a piece from a set. A set with no other pieces. Nobody else is from a set; Pomni maybe counts as part of a Circus Objects set. But she is in a circus. She might be able to adjust with time; Kinger does not fit. Cannot adjust. An outsider who (if we're to believe that was his life, in the haunted house ep) was paranoid and lived away from society (with the one matching set piece that he got to have, his queen). And in killing her, lost his ability to be in a set. To have kids. Uh. Pawns if you will. He has no place, and though he cannot truly adjust, though he remembers himself fairly easily in private (something the best maskers don't necessarily get to have; whew boy let me tell you sometimes the mask feels more real than the skin!!), he has accepted it. He has adjusted. Episode 3 there's so much more in you that I'm not seeing.. there's more I should be able to see.. idk what though. But he knew it was his own life. 100%. Also I believe in ep 4 gummigoo remembered his past life as an NPC v.1 idk where else to say that tho. I'm putting it here I believe.

And now we nearly reach the end! Are you still with me folks? And do you like my informal writing style? Thanks! University hated it! I'm shocked that I have a degree!

Zooble and Gangle

These two literally in canon adapt and change themselves to fit in. They're not perfect maskers, but they're also not the type who can't mask. The perfect maskers need their situation to gradually change, the ones who can't mask need things not to change. But change is in the nature of these two. Adapting is what they do. Gangle literally changes her mask right in front of others (think.. code-switching? I guess!) Zooble offers her a mask she thinks might help. Changes up her limb pieces. They are adaptable. But they diverge.

Zooble steps out of anything she doesn't want to do, anything she can't handle, but this is because she is constantly trying to find the right "body parts." She is so interested in the introspective, in the self, that the affectation of the outside just slides right off her. Jax wishes! She is able to ignore everything because the most important thing to her is her sense of self. Never mind how it fits in with others. Her apathy is only for things that cannot help her - she holds empathy and gentleness deep within herself, and gives it to those who care or relate to her struggle. She isn't close to the Perfect Maskers because they fundamentally cannot understand her (Ragatha wants to just go with it and let each adventure play out and end. Over and over. Something to do. // Zooble doesn't want to be distracted from the self actualisation of finding her "correct" body parts. Adventure outside is nothing for her (literally episode 4 couldn't touch her lmao she just did her job good for her)).

And Gangle. Oh sweet Gangle. Ever the bottom of the dog pile, ever the hurt and wounded one, needs to be loved, wants to be loved, but can't ask. So instead she matches her mask to what the people need (or to a tantrum that perhaps This Time someone will care about, maybe, please). Gangle gets to be in charge in ep 4 and immediately becomes Boss From Hell. This is a person who wants to have attention paid to her, but also who feels undeserving or too unimportant. So when given control, of course she doesn't know how to do it in a way that works. It just isn't in her wheelhouse! And whew, everyone has caused heaps of trouble during the circus, but the one time she causes chaos, she blames herself and settles away outside of the group. But she is trying to pursue a sense of self by trying different masks, trying different ways to fit in. She can mask, and will mask, but her sense of self claws out. Her emotional, sensitive self. Tears of a crybaby are easy to write off. Contentment/happiness are even easier to write off. But uncomfortable emotions beg to be seen and heard. Manic mask(?) was extreme in a way that is uncomfortable for the others, and for herself, as it caused a weird little freaky outburst (like anger, jealousy, etc - they result in choice words and actions fairly often). I said good for her even while I was scared of her ngl good for her for real. She can mask fine, she just doesn't truly want to. She does, to make things work. But it's clear from the beginning that masking is just a gimmick to play along and feel part of something, it's clear she's just aching to feel something real and honest. And, just as Ragatha/Jax and Zooble can't get along, Gangle also can't get along with them; she isn't good at playing house. They both aren't into playing house, they want to express something real, either through correct body parts, or through hobbies (like art).

These groups fundamentally form and overlap where they intersect. There are dynamics that are clear, and dynamics that are untapped. Those who can play house, those who won't play house, and those who don't even know what street the dang house is on.

In conclusion

Shit I'm bad at conclusions..

TL;DR

That sounds less daunting. The characters all represent something to me that I think is cool :) and also may not matter at all in the grander scheme! I am always trying to think of the "what do they want" concept when they interact with adventures/caine/each other. Jax is the most interesting to me because he's the best masker on the team. "But he's just like that" you cry. No~ there's something that does that, even if it's nothing you notice. Breathing in tobacco smoke can still give you lung diseases - even if you didn't smoke! Kinger is my fav though uwu I'm an Ice King enthusiast ofc I'm gonna pick up another traumatised and confused old man he's in my basket rn as we speak.

Anyway hope you enjoyed my writing style, this is just how I like to talk. And I felt it was on theme with the vibes of the show hahahaha hope you had fun - also it's 1am, forgive me if I went off topic like 60 times 🥰 I swear I had something to say!

[sixbynine-da]

2024 fic roundup game

What fandoms do you write in?

Good Omens for over a year now! And recently I figured fuck it why not spread myself even thinner and started obsessively writing for Dead Boy Detective Agency as well. Who. Needs. Sleep.

How many words have you published in 2024? I have a spreadsheet for this!!

317476 for Good Omens (plus a few k here and there as part of some collabs) 48518 for DBDA

365994 total :)

What is your greatest achievement this year?

I wrote a book length fanfic!! Heaven's Calling is my longest work ever AND it's finished (bar the final 1000 or so words i just need to find time to type up) it's currently sitting around the 85k mark ^_^

What are your top three fics you’ve written this year?

If you means ones *I* liked then I'd have to say... House of Payne for DBD cause it was FUN to write and outside my normal styles.

Riding the Teabag for GO because I had an absolute blast co writing with the unhinged goblins (@kneelbeforeyourdogbabylon @dbacklot99 @harlotofupdog @lemon-tart-221 and WibleyWobly_TimeyWimey) who made 'australian surfing and also a tea kink' work wonderfully. Double Trouble: A Double DoppelGanger Banger also for GO, written with @doonarose because I honestly think writing alongside her has improved my own writing and taught me the value of a lengthy wordy sentence :)

What have you learned?

Absolutely nothing about comma's. I am so sorry guys :/ Also I'm totally capable of long fic work and if I sacrifice the hours of 11pm to 2am from sleeping i can totally keep up a two fandom fic and art hobby!

What fic did you want to do but never made it off the ground?

Sigh. My sad old Az fic is still blowing in the wind, partly written and long abandoned.

It's now been joined by Lawyer! Crystal for DBDA getting justice for Edwin and Charles deaths.

Did you beta any fics? Any favs you want to shout out? Not recently. Iamsosorry.

What ideas are percolating for next year?

Finally delivering on the Cyberpunk femme slash Aziracrow I promised my OH in like. April.

A DBD canon adjacent AU where Charles still dies - but before he does he finds Edwin's journals and falls in love before even meeting him.

Who do you want to thank?

@goodomensafterdark ALWAYS. I have been criminally absent for a lil bit now, but y'all are permanantly lodged in my heart! All fandom spaces should be drippy basement goblin spaces <3 @cannibalisticcorpse for luring me into your notsafeforeverywhere space so I could be very notsafeforeverywhere in proper company :D

Other shoutouts: @theonewiththeshippinggoogles and WiblyWobly_TimeyWimey for being literally the best beta experience ever. Put the merder forks away I promise it's all fine! <3 (omgcanyou like beta my entire life)

WHO ELSE IS GONNA DO THIS? Tag yourselves! Jump on, anyone and everyone!

[pedgito]

Lol not me actually requesting something from someone yikes. But you asked for more Tom requests - what about you and best friend!Tom go on a night out with all your work mates after a long week and everyone keeps treating you like a couple so you play it up and flirt heavily with him but he gets flustered? If you could find a way to take this in a smutty direction I’d love you forever ♥️

author's note: this got a little wordy, i'm sorry, but i couldn't help myself.

cw: 18+ (minors dni), drinking/smoking, flirting, established friendships, oral (f recieving), tom being extra boyfriend-ish

word count: 5.6k

“A drink.” Tom promised, “Only one—come out with us.”

You were always reluctant to venture anywhere outside of work with coworkers. Tom was the only exception, but even that was few and far between.

And Tom’s friends - by association, your coworkers - weren’t the easiest to be around. They were friendly to a degree, but they were men. They get too rowdy and loud and say horrible things about women, whether you were around or not. 

“Just boys being boys.” Your neighbor had told you, a sweet old lady who kept to herself, catching the boys huddled outside of Tom’s caravan on a sticky, hot Friday night.

You never understood it and Tom seemed to always take the brunt of whatever jokes they were telling, but he laughed anyway. He never took himself too seriously, not since Ruth.

He doesn't talk about her much anymore, only in passing when he brings up old memories, but he’s happier now—lighter and more carefree in the way he carries himself. 

He’s a homebody like you, but he’s taking that leap and going on a wild night out, but not without dragging you along with him. 

“Only one?” You've got an inkling that isn’t the truth, and Tom sinks a little, shoulders slumping over his soft, gray cotton shirt. “It’s never only one, Tom.”

“You know I don’t like ‘em,” You argued, scrunching your nose in disgust—it makes Tom chuckle every time, “they always got something to say, they’re always being mean toward you.”

Tom shrugs carelessly, “It’s just fuckin’ around. It doesn’t bother me.” 

Except when it does. Except when it’s almost always cheap shot jokes aimed at his relationship with Ruth and how disastrous it’s ending was—how stupidly oblivious Tom had been to Ruth’s other interests. 

Tom loved her. He couldn’t help it.

And growing up with Tom, you understood it. He loved and he loved hard, he protected the ones he cared about, he was always there, even when people weren’t there for him.

Maybe that was his downfall. But he’s standing here, pride on the line, begging you to go out for drinks despite knowing how much you hate drinking. 

You sigh, using your pointer finger to scratch at the middle of your brow, along the bridge of your nose. 

“I will break a fuckin’ nose if one of them even so much as makes a comment in my direction,” You warn, “or yours.”

Tom snickers softly, pulling you into a tight, warm hug outside of the small work shack, smelling like the sweet cereal he had eaten that morning, both of you still barely awake enough to be ready for the day. 

“They mean well,” Tom defends weakly, not believing much in himself either as he says it, but you both ignore it, “either way, ya’ promised.”

“Did I?” You ask playfully, crossing your arms over your chest as you shrugged him away, “I must be losin’ my memory because I don’t remember that.”

“Not really,” Tom quickly admits, howling out a laugh as you shove him, “hey—we’re mates, that’s gotta count for something.”

“And what about them?” You ask, wondering how you were that much different.

Tom couldn’t put it into words, not now.

Things had changed the moment Ruth fled, the moment you started slipping into his daily routine. There was always a cup of warm tea sitting on his workspace every morning with your name on it.

“Gotcha a cuppa.” He’d mumble around the rim of his own cup.

Meanwhile you’re shoving a freshly packaged duo of sandwiches at his chest, his smile growing wide. One was never enough and you almost always stole half of the second—Tom never cared, the gesture was more than anything anyone had ever done for him. 

He mentioned Ruth’s horrid attempt at pasta once and you nearly balked at the admission, hiding your laugh behind your hand. He’s never had your cooking, but Tom swears nothing can be worse than that.

“S’different.” Tom replies, a piss poor answer.

“Why? Because I’ve got tits?”

Tom hesitates for a brief moment, mouth opened up and posed for a witty remark. It’s drowned out by your hand slapping his bicep and a weary laugh from him as he speaks.

“Fucking hell, you said it! Not me.”

“Is it true?” You ask despite his pain, his fingers squeezing at the sore spot on his arm.

Tom would never see it that way. He didn’t care one way or the other. But, you two melded together easily; quick banter, easy but sharp jokes that neither of you took seriously. Things were genuine, unforced, and you were the only person he actually made an effort to see outside of work—everything else was just coincidence or coercion on the part of Tom’s other friends.

“No, no,” Tom says forcefully, seeming offended that you would even ask, “what—you think I’m like them too?”

Another shrug that Tom can’t decipher, your hand reaching for the doorknob, “Just checking—see you tonight.”

Tom snorts out a soft hmph, “Go easy on ‘em, yeah?”

“Not a fuckin’ chance.” 

You’ve managed your way through two rounds of shots, taking the first one in stride before sipping gingerly at the second and sneaking it Tom’s way, letting him down the rest.

He’s got a hand on the small of your back, a comforting gesture but possessive nonetheless. It’s more of a, stay near me and don’t stray for your own good, type gesture—rather than a, you’re mine. Regardless, you lean into the touch and shove the third round of shots his way. 

“Nice to see Tommy finally bring you out with him,” Jason, a friend of Tom’s you’ve only spoken to a few times, pipes up a few spots down the bar slab, “least he doesn’t talk about Ruth anymore”.

“Hey,” Tom replies in warning, throwing the shot back, “fuck off, man.”

Another one of his friends speaks up, the one that’s always a bit too rowdy, less filtered, and terrible at social cues.

“He’s right, mate—she’s a looker, too.” 

The counter creaks in the silence that falls over, Tom’s touch tightening in the fabric of your wool knit sweater, a silent plea that begs you to back down.

He glanced around briefly, all eyes staring back at him.

“What—What did I say?”

“Thanks.” You reply, cutting through the awkward silence.

Tom visibly relaxed, clearing his throat and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He sways a little, his hand reaching out to rest on the barstool to steady himself.

“Alright, mate?” Jason asks, “Thought you had a little more in you than that—“ his eyes flick up toward you, teeth glinting behind a smirk, “seems like you’ve got a night ahead of you.”

The realization dawns on you, the closeness you two held—and with the thick skulls and empty heads of most of those men, they had no idea where your relationship with Tom landed, just that you two were close now and that had to mean you two were shagging, or at least thinking about it. 

Tom goes red in the face, ears blossoming pink. It was partly the alcohol, but his hand drifting away from you is a small inclination that he sees the line being crossed—and maybe you were feeling a little bold tonight, but you lean further into him. 

“Nothing I can’t handle,” You quirk your head at Tom slightly, his eyes bulging a little, “right, Tommy?”

It makes him squirm, the nickname sounding foreign on your tongue. He liked the way you said his name. Tom. It was light, but strong—you only ever said it when you were really trying to prove a point or get his attention, but it drove him mad in the best way.

He doesn’t know when the feelings developed or how they’ve gotten so intense, but standing in front of you now, watching you openly agree with the notion that you two might be going home together, even if it’s just a ruse to fuck with his friends, has his insides twisting in knots.

Tom laughs nervously, agreeing without thinking.

“Told you,” You hear a whisper, a jab of an elbow in the side of one of his other friends, briefly glancing up at Tom, “about time you finally move on from that odd one—Ruth, yeah? Girl always gave me a vibe, ya know?”

The bitter memories still linger, always reappearing at the sound of her name and you can see it, watching as he visibly recoils in on himself.

There’s no telling how often this happens, how frequently they leave Tom at the end of the line, constantly directing their bad, poorly timed jokes at him.

You roll your eyes, remembering Tom’s plea to remain civil, instead directing your attention toward him, hoping that whatever bold course of action you decided to take would deter his friends away. 

“Dunno what she was thinking, he’s a keeper,” You interrupt, shoving Tom gently with your shoulder, “sweet, a good fuckin’ laugh—“

“Least one of us is getting laid, yeah?”

A weird course of questions to take, but again—boys will be boys. 

“It’s a wonder.” You joke coarsely, but Tom notices the hint of your deadpan delivery, biting on his bottom lip to stifle the laugh threatening to escape. 

Tom looks flushed still, finger tracing the outline of his shot glass as a line of Guinessen hits the bar top—it’s his weakness, always getting him absolutely hammered. You’ve seen it once, cleaned it off his couch after a wild night out and him showing up at your doorstep in tears. The night was blurry now, but there were a lot of secrets spilled, learning more about Tom than you’d ever planned, and in turn, a few things about yourself.

It’s part of the reason you don’t mind flirting with Tom. He’s always been there, a guy that was easily everything you could see yourself starting your life with.

After a while, you spill into a booth. It’s a large round table with just enough room for everyone, except you. Tom nearly offers his own seat up, but you’re moving before he can decide, squeezing yourself onto his lap. 

He visibly stiffens, his hand scolding hot against your skin from where it’s resting in the curve of your hip.

You catch the long, offstandish looks from across the table—a couple guys you didn’t know at all, snickering at Tom’s discomfort (or nervousness, it seemed) and making it even worse on him. 

He doesn’t blame you—you were trying to make things less awkward, ease the burden, but now he has no clue how to respond. Touch you more? Touch you less? Does he go bold and make a move or should he just excuse himself and say it’s been a long day and head home.

And if you weren’t annoyed before, you were surely annoyed now and feeling a bit too protective over Tom as you look over, his face in perfect eyeline with your own.

“Too much?” He mouths, his legs parting slightly as you straddle his thigh, the movement nudging you forward and against the table, ass sliding back an inch.

Neither of you speak on it, but you can feel it. He tenses even more, but it seems less nervous.  

You shake your head, glancing up at the two obnoxious men briefly before returning to him, “Not enough.” You whisper, lips grazing against his temple at the action, leaning back to look at him for a moment.

He almost panics, but then you’re leaning in and all Tom can do is adapt. He brought this on himself, he remembers. He asked you out tonight, practically begged, and now he was reaping the consequences.

Not that this could be considered a punishment, far from it, actually. 

“Just act like you enjoy it, for their sake.” You tell him softly, a word of warning before your lips are colliding with his own.

They’re soft, not at all a surprise. Your thumb rubs at the joint of his jaw, the beginnings of stubble growing there, a few days past his most recent shave and he makes a noise, something that gets caught in his throat but you feel it, the sound vibrating against the fingers pressed on the side of neck. He opens his mouth briefly (probably to interrupt) and you jump on the chance, sliding your tongue past his lips to graze against his own, and he sighs against you, open-mouthed and husky. 

And just when you feel satisfied enough to pull away, Tom pulls you back in, eliciting a few wolf whistles from his friends.

“Seems like someone’s leaving early tonight.”

Tom pulls away with a deep chuckle, avoiding whatever expression was on your face when he looks away—luckily you’re good at masking the surprise of him going in for seconds, and it’s unspoken, but the energy thrumming between you both was high.

It was better excuse than any, eyebrows raising in question at Tom, silently praying and hoping he would put your misery to end and agree to leaving.

“Yeah, yeah,” Tom nods slowly, turning back to you sheepishly—there’s something behind his eyes, those wide, beautiful eyes; but he forces it back, turning back to his friends, “you assholes drink enough for me, yeah?”

“Not a problem, mate.”

The keys jingle around Tom’s finger as the heavy door closes behind you, gravel shifting under your feet.

“So,” Tom drags out, chewing at the inside of his cheek, “what was all that about?”

You turn back to him slightly, seeing him stuck in place, leaning against the brick wall now, still and unmoving.

“You like being shit on like that?” You ask, deadpan and serious. 

“Oh, what are you on about?” Tom asks, a groan on the horizon as he tips his head back, reaching for the pack of cigarettes in his pocket—he’s been nursing it for a few weeks, only smoking when he’s feeling really stressed, but now it seemed as a means to avoid the conversation.

You were having none of it.

“It’s always like this,” You argue, yanking the small pack from his grip and tossing it in the trash, “don’t start with that—you only ever smoke around them, you only act a certain way around them—what is it, Tom? What are you trying to prove?”

“Nothin’—why do you care even?” Tom asks, hands splayed out in midair, still confused at your sudden outburst. “Know what, I’ll do you one better—the hell was that in there? Flirting with me, kissing me—“

“And you needed to have your hands on me all night?” You counter, a vicious response that has Tom recoiling in on himself, “What exactly are you telling those fuckers when I’m not around?”

“You think I talk to them like that?” Tom asks, offended by the accusation. 

“Nice to see you finally bringing her out with you,” You mock in a low voice, lazily stepping toward Tom, arms folded over your chest in defense, a way to comfort yourself, “finally—really?”

“S’not my doing!” Tom snaps, forehead creasing in frustration as he pushes from the wall, meeting you halfway in your walk toward him, “They’re always talkin’ about how you look at me, touching me all the time—they just assumed.”

“Assumed what, Tom?” You ask carefully, voice soft but dangerous—a double-edged sword that worries Tom.

You’re lucky the parking lot is barren of people, everyone packed inside the bar. Tom sighs, a forceful breath through his nose.

“That why you ask me out tonight?” You question, “Tryin’ to paint me as yours, are you?”

“Fuck,” Tom groans in exasperation and the expletive shouldn’t invade your mind that easily, the audible frustration in his voice as he continues, “s’just—we’re close, ya know. They have questions, I never tell them anything. I’d never—I wouldn’t do that.”

You let out a short, bitter laugh. Tom seems to have sobered a little at that, despite the alcohol on his breath. 

“What? Don’t take me for a good shag, no?” You tease, the words hitting Tom fast and hard and he’s interrupting just as quick.

“You lost your fuckin’ mind?” Tom asks, your silence a louder response than ever, “I meant I’d never disrespect you like that.”

You shake your head slightly, stubbornly. Tom can’t take it anymore, full to the brim with annoyance at how dense you’re being. 

He can’t help how easily you drive him mad, to the point of rash decisions and thoughts and he’s hauling forward before he can think, gripping your forearm to pull you around the back wall of the bar, a dark alley hidden away from everything else and private, quiet.

“Fuck is your problem?” You ask, yanking your arm away. 

“You.” Tom answers boldly, chest heaving heavily, struggling to take the deep breaths he knows he should.

“I was only trying to ease the teasing, Tom.” You reassure him, “They were laughing and I didn’t think—I kissed you to shut them up and I’m sorry but—“

“But?” Tom reiterates, eyebrows raising inquisitively.

“You didn’t need to kiss me back.”

“And I did.” 

You nod slowly, taking a long, calming breath despite your heart hammering in your chest. It was anger and everything that came with it, but it was also fear, excitement, the type of things that cloud your thinking and lead you toward making bad choices. 

Was this a bad choice? 

Tom’s eerily quiet, eyes directed toward the ground and hand rubbing the tense muscle of his neck.

You sigh quietly, speaking first.

“Let’s go.” You tell him, eyes pleading when he looks up at you. “Please?”

Tom relents, but the drive back is anything but easy; because everything with Tom was easy and now—you couldn’t even look at him. 

He pulls into his driveway before yours, forcing you to finally speak up.

“Tom, this isn’t mine.” You remind him, wondering if he was as hammered as his friends were teasing him about.

“No shit,” His voice cracks when he talks, “Come on.”

When you’re finally inside, no arguments to be had, Tom’s reaching into the fridge and pulling out a pair of beer bottles, cracking open the lids against his chipped countertop. He forces the beer into your hand, motion toward the small dining table. 

“I’m not in the mood for drinking, Tom.” You reply, taking the seat he demands, eyes following your movements. 

“You drive me mad.” Tom admits, his teeth seething around the word, taking a long sip that spills down his lips briefly, the bottle ringing as it hits the table, his fingers tracing the perspiration as the silence grows, your heart swelling in your chest.

Tom had a habit of leaving you speechless—usually it was crass jokes and ridiculous things you couldn’t find the nerve to respond to, but this was different.

“I promise ‘em weeks ago that I would go out,” Tom admits, “and it was stupid of me to think you wanted to hang out with them—I should’ve blown them off, grown a fuckin’ pair and invited you out.”

“Tom—“ You interrupt softly.

“It’s not that I’m scared,” Tom continues, “just don’t wanna ruin what we have—but there’s so much—I can’t help thinkin’ about you and not in the way makes you an absolute nuisance sometimes—“

“Oh, fuck you.” You retort, a giggle settling in your chest.

“I dunno if you even look at me that way,” Tom shrugs, feeling ridiculous, “but I can’t lie to you anymore.”

“Tom,” You start again, his name on your tongue making his cock twitch in his pants, “I make you fuckin’ lunch everyday, I suffer going out with your obnoxious friends, I let you hang all over me and you think I don’t look at you that way—“

“Should’ve done things like this,” Tom laughs to himself, self-deprecating and sipping at the lingering few ounces left in the bottle, “dunno why I forced you out tonight.”

“You didn’t force me,” You shrug, “—didn’t force me to kiss you either.”

Tom laughs slightly, his body shaking with the movement.

“Where do we go from here?” Tom asks, feeling lost in this area anymore, after Ruth. 

“Tom,” You say, voice lingering and teasing as you glare at him, head cocked to the side, “you brought me back here, didn’t you?”

He nods, unsure of where you were going. It’s sweet, endearing in the idea that he’s completely lost. 

You make the first move, resting the half empty bottle on the countertop behind him before you’re shifting over his lap, the contact of your bare thighs against his palms bringing him back to the surface, half empty beer bottle clanging to the floor behind you—

“Fuck, the mess—“ You glance back toward the noise but Tom’s quickly distracting you, a hand on the side of your face to guide you back to him.

“Yeah,” He nods, “fuck it.”

You nod silently in agreement, smiling as he leans forward to press his lips against yours. It’s hesitant, new, different from the kiss in the bar—that was performative, a means to an end.

This kiss was everything else. A first for you both—it was the first time Tom had kissed anyone outside of Ruth and for you, it was strange, kissing your best friend. But, it felt good. It felt right.

Tom sighs into your mouth, lips parting in a motion that allows his tongue to slip out, testing the waters as he grazes your top lip, his brow furrowing in concentration as your thighs tighten against his hips, rising on your knees as his hands traverse and explore lower, his fingers grazing the skin under your skirt, the loose fabric bunching around your hips, feeling futile and useless. 

It’s not long before there’s less coordination and more of your bodies rubbing against each other in a desperate need for relief, kisses having melded into breathing wantonly into each other’s mouths and Tom is the first to speak, breaking the comfort silence that had fallen over.

“S’not fair,” He whines softly, his hands appearing at your neck, fingers disappear into the root of your hair as he angles your chin up, giving him perfect access to exactly where he wanted to be, his lips latching onto the skin and your pulse stuttering under the touch, “god, it’s not fair.”

You pull back curiously, fingertips grazing the red tips of his ears, a sated smile on his. “What are you on about?”

“I promised myself I wouldn’t rush into things again,” Tom admits, his voice low, like he’s telling a secret he shouldn’t, “I’ve only ever been with her, haven’t been with anyone since—don’t wanna disappoint you.”

“That’s too bad,” You pout slightly, feeling a buzz flow through you, and given that you don’t drink often, it seems like that may be the culprit, “really wanted to get off tonight, but—“

“No, no—fuck, s’just, I don’t have anything here.” Tom explains, “It’s not on my mind lately, plus it’s usually just me—“

“Oh?” You perk up, voice airy as lean into, lips grazing his own briefly. He huffs a short laugh into your mouth. 

“Yeah, sorry—“

“Don’t be,” You swiftly assure him, “M’not judging. It’s kind of…sweet, actually.”

“That I’m jackin’ off every night?” Tom asks, pulling back with an ire of confusion on his face. “Love, I think you’ve had too much to drink—“

“That you’re not fucking a different girl every other night—not that there’s anything wrong with it. But, look at James,” Tom nods knowingly, “he up and skipped town because he knocked that one girl up, the last thing on my mind is kids or relationship, but I like you, Tom.” 

“I’d hope so,” He chuckles, “since you’re already pressed up against my cock and all—can’t even tell you the last time I thought about another girl that wasn’t you.”

You settle slightly, cunt pressed tightly against the zipper of his jeans, the hard and heavy line of his cock pressing against you. Tom hisses at the contact.

“So, you’re touching yourself to me?”

“S’that bad?” He asks, hoping it won’t send you running in the other direction.

You shake your head, adding a small tilt of your hips to drive him deeper into insanity, his hands latching onto your hips in an instant.

“Wanna tell me what you’re thinkin’ about?”

“Right now?” Tom asks, answering before you can respond, “You. This—how I’m probably gonna wake up and it’s just some fucked up dream I’m havin, my mind teasing me.”

You laugh at his rambling, pulling him back into focus with a cant of your hips, hands slipping under the hem of his shirt and pressing against bare skin, the soft outline of his toned chest. He’s proper fit, not defined, but he’s solid and sturdy and has enough strength to lift the heavy piles of supplies at work. 

“I meant when you touch yourself, Tom.”

“Oh, uh—mostly your tits, I guess.” Tom admits, “You never button your tops when we work, can’t help it. And uh, your mouth.”

You nod in response, lending your lips to press against the side of his jaw, mouth a wet, sloppy trail along the skin.

“Yeah—yeah, like that, but—“ Tom sighs shakily, his fingers digging into the soft, suppleness of your ass, thumbs pressing against your hip bones and rubbing you slowly against his groin, “mostly on my cock, too.”

“Is that what you want?” You ask softly, “My mouth around your cock?”

Tom laughs nervously, “Yeah—I just—I got something else in mind.”

“Yeah?” You question, the tone in his voice making you curious, body straightening as you look at him.

“Yeah,” He confirms, “Table.”

It’s a one word response. Not a question or a statement. A demand. And normally you’d throw a hundred questions his way, but you can’t be bothered, quickly lifting yourself up a few inches to sit atop the table, sturdier than you expected.

“You trust me, yeah?” Tom asks, more reassuring himself than you, but he needed to hear it. 

“With everything.” You answer without hesitation, watching as he sank to his knees, hands wrapping around your upper thighs to pull your ass flush with the edge of the table. “Why?”

“Just checking.” He shrugs, lopsided smirk painting his face.

That was the Tom you knew, the one you saw everyday. The one that cracked jokes and playfully shoved you out of his way when he was walking down the hall toward the arcade, the one who, despite his obnoxious tendencies, would kneel to tie your laces back up when they came undone.

Except now he was kneeling for different reasons, pupils blown wide as he yanked at your underwear, slipping them over the tattered shoes still stuck to your feet, knowing that all of this was spur of the moment and rushed. You were both running on pure adrenaline and booze, but there were worse ways to spend your night.

“You ever—“ Tom lingers around the words, not saying but implying.

You shrug, noncommittal.

“Only a few times. Never came, though.”

It always sucked. Tom gets the idea, smiling slightly as he leans, teeth latching into the flowy material of your skirt and dragging it up, his lips dragging along the soft skin of your stomach as his nose nudges the sweater up too. 

You were braless underneath, unbeknownst to him. He could figure it out himself, but at the moment, he was much too eager to delve in and consume you.

He latches onto you with no warning, lips suckling at your clit for a brief moment, an intense sensation that has you keening off the table, fingers disappearing into his hair and holding on tight, his short cropped curls giving little to keep you grounded.

He moans still, trailing down to dip his tongue inside of you, a feeling that is indescribable to you now, lost in the feeling. 

It’s ridiculous. No one - not a single fucking soul - should be this good, this easily tuned in to your body, but Tom knows. He knew everything and nothing in the same note and it drives you mad. He knew you—your deepest insecurities, your darkest secrets, the weird little quirks you had when you thought no one was watching. But he also knew you and everything that made you tick; the moans and whimpers fell like a flood, his tongue working tirelessly against your cunt, all soaking and wet as it drenched his mouth, his chin, the ludicrous sound enough to make anyone embarrassed. Your head falls back, hands moving away from his hair to grip the table for purchase and he’s tapping at your thighs for attention, a small movement of his finger. 

And he’s staring—full on grinning behind what part of your cunt was covering his face, skirt having fallen slightly and bunched into his hand to keep it away.

He’s daring you to look at him, watch him bring you to the edge and let him watch as you fall apart.

You let him—but it’s a steep reminder of how easily you’d let him do anything; just a look and you were done for. His eyes said a lot, even in the moments when you were silent, staring each other down from across the room. 

You clench around the tongue that’s buried inside you, his nose rubbing against your clit in a beautiful accident, forcing a surprised gasp from your chest as you lean forward, nearly sitting upright. 

“Oh, right there,” You acknowledge, voice light and airy, “fuck, right there, Tom.”

He moved up a fraction, tongue flicking over your clit wildly, stopping briefly with a question posed on his lips, all shiny and wet with you.

“Your tits—can I see them?”

He feels silly, like he’s back in school and asking a girl for the first time and you laugh, which makes it even more nerve wracking.

“Thought you said it wasn’t because of the tits,” You tease, “that I’m just like all your other mates.”

“You know you’re not,” He tells you, “you’ve never—you’re so much more, you know that.”

You smile slightly, nose scrunching up at the action as you stare at him accusingly, “Alright then, go on.”

He looks surprised almost that you’re asking him, leaning forward an inch more until his hands can sift under your sweater, pulling the fabric over your head in one fluid movement. 

He’s stricken, eyes wide and puppy dogged as he licks at his bottom lip, rising slightly as he nods toward your chest, “You were like that all night?”

You nod shyly, feeling bashful as his hands graze your sides, thumbs rubbing along the underside of your breasts. He’s drinking you in, distracted enough that he doesn’t feel your hand graze the front of his jeans until you have them half undone, fingers toying with the waistband of his boxers.

“How long you been like this?” You ask, hands grazing over the small wet patch in the material, fingers cupping the hard line of his cock, shoving his jeans down an inch further. “Since we got here, since we left that bar—“

Your words drift and lull, dragging out as he felt ashamed to admit it. 

“Wasn’t that bad until you sat on my lap,” Tom admits, “and then you fuckin’ kissed me—“

“Yeah?” You reply, pulling him forward gently by the front of his shirt, pressing your lips against his in a messy exchange, tasting you on him. He moans brokenly, the shift pulling you closer and pressing your bare cunt against his dick, ruining the material further, “You mean like that?”

Tom nods desperately, wanting nothing more to fuck you against every square foot of his trailer.

“S’getting late, Tommy.” You say, a tad antagonizing as you pull away, staring at him sternly, “Should I leave?”

“Fuck, sorry. Sorry.” He apologizes, leaning down swiftly to capture your pebbled nipple between his teeth, mouthing brief at the valley of your breasts in a way that has you giggling out loud before he’s sinking back down and burying his face into your cunt, relentless as his pace is furious from the jump.

His fingers join gradually, thick digit sinking into your pussy and clenching, the movements of his tongue deliberate of your clit as he finds that sweet spot, curling his finger inside you until you’re gasping out loud, both hands shifting to cradle his head.

He encourages it, a small noise of acknowledgement as he moans against you, silently begging you to take what you need, riding out the high of your orgasm against his tongue as you come.

“Hu–oh, fuck.” You sigh, his mouth overstimulating as he laps you up, “Tom–fuck, Tom, too much.”

Tom laughs, finally releasing you to nestle between your legs, smoothing your skirt down as he hooks you knees around his hips, “Come ‘ere,” Tom whispers, tipping your chin up until you lean forward, connecting your lips in a gentle kiss.

“Tom–Tom, hey,” You tell him softly, trying to garner his attention, hands reaching for his opened jeans, “let me–”

“Mmm, yeah–’s okay.” Tom assures you, looking sheepish as he glances down toward your fingers trailing against the thick band of his boxers, “I uh, already came.”

“Oh,” Your voice is small, a smile creeping on your face, “O–Okay.”

“Next time.” He assures you, nodding slightly as your grin grows wider.

“Next time?” You reiterate, tone playful and inquisitive. 

“Uh, unless I’m reading this wrong,” Tom recoils, “I mean, you’re half naked on the table I fuckin’ eat on, s’not like I planned to kick you after either.”

“We’re really not mates anymore, are we?” You ask, watching as he cracks a laugh, shaking his head.

“Don’t think we ever were.”

And considering your current situation, you don’t think things could ever go back to how they used to be, but you didn’t want them to.

Please consider a reblog if you enjoyed this fic! It’s makes a huge difference. ♡

[anemoarchonhoe]

Greetings! Writing commission details:

Commissions: Closed.

Fandoms I will write for:

Genshin Impact, Undertale, Deltarune, Undertale Yellow, Frieren: Beyond Journey's End (I only watch the anime, so-), my own OCs

AUs I will write for:

Genshin: SAGAU, modern au

Undertale: Underfell, Underswap (I prefer TS!US' version so I will write for it in default unless you want the original), Flowerfell, Farmtale, Underplayer

Characters:

Genshin: Venti, Xiao, Wanderer, Aether, Xingqiu, Gaming

Undertale/Deltarune: Papyrus, Sans, Napstablook, Mettaton, Muffet, Mad Mew Mew, Asgore, DR!Asriel, Dalv, Starlo, Martlet, Ceroba

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End: Frieren, Himmel the hero

My OCs (pictures below, in order): Vee the purple witch, The Janitor, Elwin the elven rogue, Eye of the Storm (has a name instead of them being Reader-insert, Genshin, no pics sorry)

Will write: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, mildly suggestive, selfship (reader/canon), OC/canon, friendships, yandere character/reader

Won't write: Homophobia, pedophilia, incest, gore, smut, self harm, anything nsfw

Rules (sorta):

If you want me to write for your OC, please give me detailed information about them. I wouldn't know how to write them if you don't. Character sheet and/or a picture would be nice. If you don't have a written personality for them, we can quickly discuss how you at least imagine them to act in the fic in DMs. I can also just give it my own interpretation if you wish, but I will charge you $2 for the extra effort. Keep this in mind.

For reader-insert, I usually write the Reader to be strong and determined, so if you want a more subdued personality, please let me know or I will default to this one.

For 500/1k word fics, love letters, and headcanons, please give me a scenario to work on. I only write one shot fics for commissions, so don't try to ask for a multi-chapter, please. I am busy with college, so one shots are all I can afford to write.

And tell me if you are okay with me posting the commissioned piece on Tumblr or if you'd like to keep it for yourself.

You can ask me for updates on your commission. But please understand I have a life outside of social media that I gotta prioritize (like my studies) so it may get delayed a little depending on how large your commission is. I also prioritize smaller/less wordy commissions so I can give them out immediately, so don't be mad.

I reserve my right to reject a commission if I feel like I couldn't do it.

PLEASE DO NOT FEED MY WORK TO AI.

Languages I can/will write in: English and Filipino

Payment:

For my Filipino friends, I accept both Paypal and GCash. I'd like it more if it was Paypal/ko-fi, though.

For overseas commissioners, Paypal/ko-fi only.

You can pay me the full amount as soon as we finalize your commission or you can pay me the full amount once I finish your commission. I'd appreciate it if you do the first option but I won't hold it against you if you choose to do the second. Everyone doesn't want to get scammed.

However, if you do not pay and ghost me, I will modify the work to my taste, post it on my ko-fi page, and then block you from my Tumblr/Discord.

Now that you're done reading, reply to this post immediately to get a slot and if you make it, I will DM you my Discord handle for further discussion. I have a small slot for now because I don't wanna get overwhelmed. I will reopen immediately once they're done, though, so don't worry if you miss out!

First come, first serve.

Slots: 3

[sufferu]

i don't have the energy for a second essay, so I'll just cheat by using preexisting media. it was better in my head at work sorry.

the reason why you get complaints about Julimilia is that it is a betrayal of the stated premise of Back to Zero.

"Everyone finds out about Subaru's bs and crit fails everything."

vs what you are writing

"Everyone finds out about Subaru's bs, crit fails everything, and Emilia forms a romantic relationship with Julius in the background."

or to quote a writer about a space demon clown:

"Why does no one complain about the child gore in the story about kids facing a space demon, but always complains about the child orgy that I shoved in?"

I came across the term 'Bishonen' (Beautiful Boy) a while back as one of the beauty standards for Japanese teenage boys and young men, because they loved a 70s actor whose name I forgot.

*wikis it*

ah, so ancient asian asthetic instead of the glamrock era.

anyways, I firmly believe that Julius fits this mold. see the reverse harem members of classic shoujo manga and anime "Ouran Highschool Host Club"

this is half of the reason why Subaru is so annoyed at him in arc 3. because the literal beauty standard was given flesh.

secondly we have to go back a few centuries to a land of knights.

do the names of King Arthur, Queen Guinevere, and Lancelot mean anything to you?

i mean it's not a perfecting mapping, but the vibes are the same.

Subaru doesn't have the adventuring experience of being a knight prince. no caliburn (the actual Sword in the Stone/Sword of Selection), his merlin actively hates him to the point of trying to mold him into a living weapon.'

sure Rem is on his side (oh wait, this is Back to zero). sure Subaru can hel- oh wait they are putting him on the bottom of a massive cuddle pile.

it is true that Subaru and Emilia aren't married yet. however Julius can map to Lancelot excellently. being the superior model of subaru/.

Subaru being a spirit knight with the ability to only support one spirit vs julius six.

Subaru being unable to fight without his spirit (at this point in time) vs Julius being able to hold his own.

Subaru being uneducated in knightly manners vs Julius basically MAKING those standards.

Subaru being unable to protect others.

Subaru has no backup.

so, you've inadvertently made Subaru part of the Forever Alone club. not the sexist assholes that push everyone away,

I mean the people who just fall short of the very real competition that everyone and everything existing takes part in.

the mentally and physically disabled that can't work and can only subsist off the help and charity of others.

it's not the post to detail how Subaru can be argued to be disabled compared to everyone else.

...ugh I need more sleep because this feels incoherent. guess Im expanding the King Arthur, Guinevere, and Lancelot in the EssayTM. say what's that word count?

1986 and it's no where done. ughhhh why must I be the coherent/wordy one of my side of the debates?

…I believe that I fundamentally disagree with a lot of what you are saying, but I don’t really feel that I can say anything until you finish the point that you are trying to make, lol.

[jincheeto]

I don't usually post stuff like this (and don't really plan to do so) but it is pride month and I wanted to share this sculpture I made :3

So, this is the pride opossum! They're named Marsha P(ossum) after Marsha P Johnson, and he goes by any pronouns!!!! Now excuse me while I be wordy:

It's a stand in for how the community is viewed as vermin, much like opossums, despite the fact that both are extremely beneficial to their surroundings. The LGBTQ+ community allows people to be open about who they are, and fight back against systems that prevent them from doing so.

Opossums perform similar benefits in their own environments! They essentially function as little vacuums for snakes, rodents, and bugs, especially ticks, as they prevent their populations from overflowing!

In addition, they also suffer from false rumours that the LGBTQ+ community suffers from. They're presumed to be disease ridden animals, when they actually kill the animals that spread them! It's difficult for them to get rabies due to their slightly lower body temperature, and their immunity to many snake venoms actually helped scientists create anti venom!

Essentially, both the Queers and the Opossums have helped and continue to help filter out the toxicity in their environments, and make it better for everyone!

I wanted to include as many pride items as possible, but there's only so much room before it becomes cluttered, so I tried to get the main ones (sorry to anyone who doesn't see their flag)

Btw the pan one gets a pan bc I still thinks it's funny (I'm pan)

Also this was the sample I made before doing the actual sculpture! Chose trans flag mainly because I just think the design is awesome, but it was also a bit of an homage to trans kids, since a lot of them aren't being provided the chance to become trans adults.

Shrimp and Marsha hanging out <3

Anyway that's all! Happy pride month everyone, and be safe!!!!!

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[kwanisms]

taglist | playlist

summary: Everything seemed to fall into place for Y/N. She had a loving boyfriend, her dream job, and the bestest friend in the universe. She never thought her life was missing something until she was introduced to Seo Changbin, the town's newest tattoo artist who happens to be harboring an unimaginable secret.

pairing: tattoo artist!Changbin × fem!Reader

genres/themes: angst, fluff, smut, 18+ (minors dni. I mean it. go away), slow burn, “forbidden” love, strangers to lovers, supernatural au, tattoo artist!Changbin, werewolf!Changbin, established boyfriend!Joshua

warnings: adult dialogue, alcohol consumption, Joshua being an asshat

permanent taglist: @yoonguurt @wonderfulshinee @candidupped @dejavernon @violagoth @tigermoonbiss @katsukis1wife @luvsooby

stray kids taglist: @cixrosie @hoeforcheol @beomgyusbabygirl @lovestayskzxx @flowerboykun @smhlino @cutiespaghetti @peterparkoure

series taglist: @snow-pegasus @brownieracha @hobi-is-golden @avyskai @i-say-choco-you-say-ice-cream @biribarabiribbaem @mchslut @spicxbnny @hgema @likeaboss-duh @oiminho @slut-for-dabi @ughyeka @honey-lemon-goose @skidsflowers @fixation-dump @meadowyin @sleeplessdawn @bristidutta @changbinnss @racha-enthusiast @phobia0922 @sanjoongie @nattisbored @kimseungminsprincess @chrollosforehead @typicalcuriosities @tai-loves-skz @labyrinthonmymind @spookyauthorspopmusictrash

Red strikethrough means I cannot tag you. Check your visibility settings.

And if you change your url, YOU are responsible for telling me.

a/n: It's finally here! I have been looking forward to this series for a while. I really hope it's as well received and that you all love it. I will warn you all that it's a slow burn fic and I do mean slow burn. Something to note is that Y/N never cheats on her boyfriend. I want to make that known now. Cheating is not included in this series. A couple things before we get started:

A huge thank you to my wife, Sky☁️, for this entire story idea. Without her late night thoughts and ramblings as well as her constant hype and support, this series wouldn’t even exist.

Also a massive thank you and huge shout out to @icybluehosh for her professional input on all things tattoos. You are a saint, my love and I thank you so much!

Edit to add a massive thank you to @playmetheclassics for beta reading and helping me edit this hunk of words. I'm so sorry I forgot to tag you earlier Indi 😭😭😭

To everyone else, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy this series and what I have in store for these characters!

═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════

𝗰𝗵 𝟬𝟭 - 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿

wc: 16.5 (she's wordy and I'm not sorry lol)

masterlist || next »»

The faint sound of soft jazz played overhead, occasionally drowned out by the sounds of forks and knives clinking gently against ceramic plates. The air filled with the smell of coffee, muffins and other baked goods, making you wish you'd gotten something to eat.

Coming to this cafe had been your boyfriend’s idea, not yours, but you found yourself enchanted with the small, cozy atmosphere. The light, almost white, wood of the floor and tabletops contrasted against the black painted brick walls of the small space.

Huge rectangular windows dominated the storefront, allowing in as much natural light as possible. The pale wood was accompanied by black painted metal in the legs of the tables and in the chairs and the few bar stools that stood under the white granite countertop.

There were a few potted plants behind the bar and in the corners giving a little life and color to the otherwise nearly monochromatic palette. You glanced down at the mug in front of you. A simple vanilla latte had been your order when you accompanied Joshua up to the counter.

The sprinkling of cinnamon that lay on top of the steamed milk foam couldn't mask the aroma of the coffee that invited you in to take a sip. Although you didn’t want to mess up the foam design, the moment you took a sip, sighing in contentment as the sweet vanilla bean flavor hit your tongue, you knew you’d made the right call.

You heard a chuckle and glanced up across the table, eyes settling on your boyfriend as he smiled at you, having just taken a sip of his own coffee, an iced americano, his go to as of late.

You couldn’t understand why he loved such a bitter drink. You remembered trying it weeks ago and gagged. It was just too strong and bitter for you. You liked cream and sugar in your coffee.

You liked things that tasted sweet. Joshua said sweetness reminded him of you, which is why he asked for an extra two pumps of the liquid sugar in his drink earlier.

“What?” You asked softly, setting your mug on the table. Joshua shook his head, his smile widening ever so slightly as he set his own cup down. “Nothing,” he replied, shrugging his shoulders but the smile remained. “Are you taking the mickey out of me?” You asked. Joshua laughed and shook his head. “That was awfully British of you,” he said and it was your turn to laugh.

“You’ve been watching too many of those BBC shows again, haven’t you?” He asked, cocking an eyebrow. You shook your head. “No, I’ve just been rewatching Doctor Who,” you admitted, looking away and out the window next to you.

The street outside was bustling with people, most of them enjoying the pleasant end of summer weather. Sejong was a smaller town near Daejeon and it was the town you happened to call home.

The quaint small town atmosphere greeted you the moment you pulled onto the main street. The smell of pine and fresh mountain air greeted many travelers who picked this town as their vacation spot, and for good reason.

The town offered a wide variety of activities, from mountain climbing to camping and hiking. It was also close to a lake that was popular with tourists and residents alike.

A hot spring was rumored to be in the area, though you'd never set sights on it, and you'd lived in Sejong all your life, explored much of the forests, and seen many things under the sun and moon alike.

But no hot springs.

You used to enjoy summers in Sejong, especially when you were younger. Spending all day with your friends, going to the lake and relaxing on the shore by the swim beach. You had spent many summers of your youth at the lake, both at the swim beach and exploring the lake's edges with your friends.

Seungcheol and Joshua always led the adventures with you, your best friend Lilah, and Jeonghan trailing behind. Sometimes Wonwoo would join you but most of his summers were spent interning at his father’s publishing company.

When your friend group wasn’t at the lake, you could be found at each other’s houses, or for you and Lilah, you could be found at what the two of you called your ‘secret place.’ It was a small clearing in the woods near the edge of town that was full of wildflowers during the spring and summer months. You’d meet up during the day and sometimes just the two of you at night. It was a pact that only you girls would meet there and that no boys were allowed.

You had so many fond memories of summer you weren’t sure when you started dreading the hotter months of the year. Maybe it was a subconscious thing once you became an adult.

When you’re a kid, summer is a time for breaks from school. Time for friends, staying up late, and partying. When you became an adult, summer didn’t stop the daily grind. You still had work to do. It made you appreciate your parents more the older you became.

“Y/N?” You heard Joshua speak, pulling you out of your thoughts and turning your attention to him once more. “You alright, babe?” He asked, brows knitting g together in concern. You nodded, giving him a smile. “Yeah, just thinking,” you said, picking up your mug and taking another deeper sip of the hot coffee.

Though it was technically summer, you were glad it was ending, and autumn was beginning to settle in. The mornings were cooler, the days were getting shorter, and the nights were getting longer. The leaves barely started to change color, but you already caught little glimpses of yellow, orange, red, and brown amongst the green.

“What are you thinking about?” Joshua asked, and you turned back to look at him. “Just the past,” you said with a shrug, resting your hands on the table before you, fingers wrapping around the warm mug. Joshua shifted in his seat, leaning forward and resting his elbow on the table. “What about it?” He asked softly, resting his chin in his hand.

“Just how much easier things used to be. No worries, no bills, no rent, no traumas.”

Joshua’s expression changed, a frown settling on his face before he reached out to take one of your hands softly in his. He rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb, studying your expression before he spoke. “You know it wasn’t your fault,” he said suddenly.

You glanced up at him, eyes meeting his gaze. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he added. A small smile formed on your face. “I know,” you replied, voice barely above a whisper.

The tender moment was interrupted by your phone buzzing on the table top. You didn’t want to answer it, almost glaring at it for ruining your precious time with your boyfriend. He glanced at the screen, picked up the device, and turned it towards you. Your eyes read the name that flashed across the screen as the phone continued to buzz in his hand. You sighed and pulled your hands away to take the device from him.

You slid the lock to answer and held the phone to your ear. “Hey, Lilah,” you greeted your best friend. On the other side, you could hear her breathing heavily and the sound of objects being moved quickly. “Y/N!” She gasped. “Ohmigosh, I’m glad you answered!” You looked up at Joshua who was looking out the window, his expression unreadable.

It was no secret Joshua wasn’t fond of your best friend. More than once, he’d said he thought she was a bad influence on you which you didn’t understand because Lilah has never once pressured you to do anything you would consider bad. Sure, she was covered in tattoos and piercings, but to you, that didn’t change the fact that she was still your best friend underneath all the ink and metal.

Lilah was the loud, outgoing, energetic one between you. You'd met in primary school when she offered to share her brand new crayons with you and declared you her new best friend.

In middle school, the two of you met and befriended Wonwoo and with him came the others. Joshua, Seungcheol, and Jeonghan were a year older than Wonwoo but still as close with him as they were with one another.

“I’M FREAKING OUT Y/N,” Lilah nearly shouted. You cringed, pulling the phone from your ear slightly.

“Calm down,” you said into the receiver, noticing Joshua glance at you out of the corner of his eye.

He’d never understand why you still associated with Lilah. Especially after what happened between her and Jeonghan. To Joshua, you were too good for Lilah. When she started covering herself in tattoos and getting facial piercings, Joshua knew she’d gone off the deep end and he feared she would take you with her.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, looking away from your boyfriend. “I need you here. Please Y/N it’s an emergency,” Lilah said, voice sounding panicked. You nodded, despite the fact Lilah couldn’t see you. “Okay, calm down, Li. I’ll be right over,” you added, glancing up at Joshua, who glanced back at you as you spoke. Lilah thanked you profusely over the phone until you hung up. You looked up at Joshua, a grimace on your face.

“I know,” he said, giving you a small smile. “Lilah emergency,” he added. You sighed, nodding and turning to grab your bag. “I’m so sorry, Josh,” you said as you got up, Joshua following. You quickly drank the rest of your latte, not wanting it to go to waste. Joshua chuckled as you set the mug back down and turned to him.

He pulled you into a tight hug, resting his head against yours. “Be careful,” he said softly in your ear. You nodded, hugging him back. “I will,” you answered, pulling back and pressing a quick kiss to his lips. You tried to pull away, but Joshua wouldn’t let you. “I’m gonna need a bit more than that,” he said softly, hand moving to cup your cheek and pull your lips back to his. You giggled, the sound muffled by his lips.

The way he kissed you always left you breathless and wanting more. That was how Joshua always was. He always left you wanting more. “Josh,” you murmured against his lips. “We’re in a coffee shop.”

Joshua hummed and pulled away. “Okay,” he sighed. “Fine.” He pressed one more kiss to your lips before letting go of you. “Text me when you’re done with Lilah,” he said, moving aside so you could walk past him. “I will,” you said, giving him one last smile before walking towards the door and onto the sidewalk.

The walk to Lilah’s wasn’t long as she didn’t live far from the city center. The two of you had almost moved in together but thought better of it as you lived somewhat different lifestyles. You had a day job, whereas Lilah was a night owl, becoming most active once the sun went down and the moon came out.

You, on the other hand, were a day person. You preferred the sunlight to the moonlight. You were a lot like Joshua in that respect. He preferred the daytime over the nighttime. He felt that there was more to do during the day.

Unlike Joshua, you didn’t see anything bad about the nighttime. Sure, you preferred the sun over the moon, but you couldn’t deny there was a certain beauty to the silvery glow of the moon that contrasted with the golden one of the sun. They were opposites, but then again, so were you and Lilah.

Lilah was your moon, and you, her sun.

You found yourself outside her building after a brisk walk and climbed the steps to the front door, punching in the code and pulling open the door. Lilah had given you the code to her building ages ago. She said for emergencies, of course. You had also given her your code, again, for emergencies.

Climbing the steps up to her floor, you wondered what could be so important this late in the afternoon that she had interrupted the already small amount of free time you got with your boyfriend.

Of course, Lilah didn’t know you were with Joshua.

It was more of an impromptu thing, meeting at the cafe. The same one he’d taken you on your very first date. Your order hadn’t changed since then, but Joshua’s had changed a handful of times in the last two years.

Standing before Lilah’s door, you brought your hand up and gave the wood three sharp knocks. Behind the door, you heard a commotion as heavy footsteps made their way to the door. A smile spread over your face as Lilah threw open the door. Her panicked expression morphed into a smile as her eyes landed on you. “Oh, thank god!” She said, reaching out to grab your arm and pull you into her apartment.

Lilah’s apartment was small, a studio with a partition wall separating the living area from her bed. The walls were a very pale lilac gray with white crown molding and baseboards.

There were two large windows in the living room area, allowing larger amounts of natural lighting in. The view from her apartment was the main downtown square. During the day, it was a somewhat boring sight, the buildings, the people, even the square, but at night, everything came to life according to Lilah.

Her kitchen was small but big enough for her. A pair of folding doors off the kitchen opened to a pantry where her washer and dryer sat. The furniture in the living room was mostly gray and black, matching Lilah’s personality perfectly. The light walls were adorned with numerous posters of bands and movies.

Several framed paintings also hung on the walls, a few of them being Lilah’s own art, but one small canvas that hung on the wall separating her bedroom was one you had done.

A small floral piece you remembered from a wine and paint party your mother had hosted. Lilah and her mother had attended, and you weren’t too pleased with your painting, so you opted to toss it when your mother wasn’t looking, but Lilah took it instead and hung it proudly next to hers.

The normally very tidy apartment was in a state of disarray, as if a tiny tornado had wreaked havoc.

As Lilah led you into her bedroom area, you were convinced the tiny tornado was in fact your best friend. Clothes were thrown all over the place, littering the floor and the bed. Shoes had also been tossed carelessly around the room and you looked around, shaking your head.

“What is going on?” You asked, turning to look at your best friend.

“There’s a party tonight. Chris invited me. You remember Chris, right?”

You, in fact, did not remember Chris. Since Lilah and her boyfriend, Seungcheol, broke up, Lilah had seen a variety of different men. Testing the waters, she called it. You shook your head again.

“I don’t think I do,” you admitted, moving to sit on her bed, pushing some of the clothing aside. Lilah groaned. “Yes you do,” she answered. “He’s the really cute one with the naturally curly hair. Dimples, pointed chin, chiseled jawline,” Lilah prattled on as she searched through her clothes.

“You just described like half the guys you’ve introduced me to,” you joked, watching her. Lilah clicked her tongue in disapproval. “He’s the Australian one!” she added quickly and then it dawned on you.

'A-ha.' Come to think of it, you did remember Chris.

Lilah was right, he was really cute. His accent is what really sealed the deal for Lilah. The moment he opened his mouth, she was smitten. You could remember almost seeing hearts in her eyes as she watched him speak. He’d been there with some of his own friends whose names you couldn’t remember.

You knew the other reason Lilah liked Chris so much was that he was covered in tattoos. Not full sleeves, but you knew that the work on his arms cost at least several hundred.

Tattoos weren’t cheap, and despite trying to convince Joshua of that, he still thought people with tattoos were unemployed and lazy. It irked you to no end because you knew how expensive it was. You’d accompanied Lilah to more than one tattoo and piercing appointment and nearly died upon hearing the cost.

“Oh, that one,” you said, rolling your eyes playfully.

Lilah nodded furtively, holding up a black cropped shirt. “Yes, that one!” Lilah sighed dreamily, tossing the shirt in her hands aside and picking up a black and white striped shirt.

“He texted me earlier and invited me to a party at the old Firestation. You know the one. Station 6,” she explained as she continued to dig through her clothes. This you also did remember.

Station 6 was the old fire station that was sold after a new, more updated building was constructed. The old station was snatched up by some developer intent on turning it into apartments but found the floor plan weird so he resold it for much cheaper, and a younger team bought it and converted it into a nightclub.

“Apparently Minho told him after Ari told him about it and Minho has been trying to get with Ari for like three months now,” Lilah said as she held up a cute black short sleeve top with an off the shoulder neckline.

“I’m going to pretend I understood what you just said,” you said, holding in a laugh. You knew Chris. The other names were foreign to you, or at least you couldn't picture any faces. Lilah did laugh, instead continuing to dig through the piles of clothes on her floor.

"Just help me, please?!"

You looked around the bed where you sat and grabbed the first thing that caught your eye. It was black, like the majority of Lilah's wardrobe, so it was worth a shot. Whatever it took to satisfy your best friend so you could try and get back to your boyfriend.

“Well, why don’t you wear this?” You asked, holding up the article you'd grabbed off the bed. It was a black leather bodycon dress with a lace up bust.

Lilah looked up and studied the dress from her spot on the floor. “I wore that last time I saw Chris,” she said, shaking her head. “I need something else. I really wanna get Chris’ attention,” she added.

"Something to get his attention," you murmured as you looked around before your eyes settled on a flash of red. Leaning over, you snatched it and held it up. “Hey, what about this?” You asked, smiling as you held it up for her to inspect.

It was a red halter dress. There were three cutouts held together with three chain links extending just past the navel. The back was cut to about the mid back. Lilah sat up and walked forward on her knees. She took it from your hands and inspected it. You glanced around and grabbed a tangled mess of black elastic. “And this?” You asked, holding it up.

Lilah looked up at your hands and smiled. She grabbed the mess and got up, running to her bathroom to change. You got up and started searching through her shoes and pulled out a pair of peep toe mesh booties with lace up front and stiletto heels.

You knew Lilah well enough that if you hadn’t chosen a pair of stilettos, she would have been offended. You stood back up, turning to meet her at the bathroom door.

“So… how does it look? How did I do?” You asked through the door. “I gotta give it to you,” Lilah started, before pulling open the door to show you the outfit.

“For someone who wears exclusively pastels, you sure know how to pick out the sexiest outfits,” she said, adjusting one of the straps of the black harness bra.

She noticed the heels in your hand and smiled gleefully. You handed them to her, smirking as she looked them over. “I’m serious,” she added, stepping out of the bathroom and walking over to her bedroom area, where she began picking up her clothes. You helped, putting things back on the hangers and handing them to her.

“Now,” Lilah said, turning to look at you, a wide grin on her face. “We need to pick an outfit for you,” she added.

You shook your head. “Oh no,” you replied.

“I’m not going, Li,” you said, shaking your head. Lilah pouted and moved to kneel on the carpet beside where you sat on the bed.

“Come on, Y/N! Please!!” She begged. You shook your head.

“No, Li. You interrupted my time with Joshua when I wanted to spend more time with him,” you responded. Lilah stuck out her tongue.

“Please, Y/N? You’ll see him on Sunday, won’t you?” She stated, giving you her best puppy dog eyes.

She was right. You would see Josh on Sunday at church with your families. You only attended to keep up appearances, not because you actually believed.

Realizing she wouldn’t let this go until you gave in to her pleas, you groaned and fell back onto the bed in defeat. “Fine!” You grumbled. Lilah let out an excited squeak.

“I’ve got the perfect outfit for you!”

She got to her feet and rushed to her closet while you sat up quickly, mind racing with images of what she might possibly pick out for you. It was pretty obvious you and Lilah had very different tastes and styles when it came to clothing.

You shook your head furiously. “Oh, no. Uh-uh, Lilah!” You blurted out. “I’ll just run home and change,” you added, getting to your feet. “Nonsense,” Lilah said as she dug into the back of her closet.

“I keep a few dresses in here for occasions like this,” Lilah added as she pulled out a dress. She turned and held it up. It was a baby pink bodycon dress, with a ruffle trim around the top. The short puff sleeves also had ruffles around the cuffs, and the bust had a lace up that fell to the navel. The back was somewhat modest with a zipper.

You eyed it; mildly surprised Lilah had even an ounce of pink in her wardrobe that wasn't neon or hot pink. She held the dress out for you to take but you paused, glancing up from the dress to your best friend. "Come on, please, Y/N?" she whined.

You studied her expression before finally sighing in defeat. "You aren't going to let me leave unless I say yes, are you?" You asked, narrowing your eyes when she giggled mischievously.

"Fine! Fine," you said, taking the dress. "I'll be your wing woman tonight." Lilah danced excitedly, thanking you profusely as she moved to dig through her shoes and quickly pulled out a pair you’d borrowed more than once: white satin pumps with stiletto heels and a silver filigree design on the back.

As she handed them to you, and you took them as you shot her a look. “You were planning this the whole time, weren’t you?” You asked. Lilah ushered you to the bathroom and closed the door behind you. Sighing, you quickly slipped off your shoes, setting them on the closed toilet lid before undressing.

You pulled the dress on, zipping it up with some difficulty. It was a little snug but still fit. Shaking your head and gathering your clothes, you emerged from the bathroom and found Lilah waiting in the kitchen for you.

She smiled widely as you set your folded clothes on the counter and you tried to ignore the look on her face as you pulled out your phone, wallet, and lipgloss from your purse. “You look so hot!” Lilah said excitedly. “Oh stop,” you hissed, heat rising to your cheeks.

“You want to wear one of the other dresses?” Lilah asked, and you quickly shook your head. “No,” you answered. “This is fine,” you added, grabbing your compact mirror and reapplying your lipgloss. Lilah had quickly done her makeup while you were in the bathroom.

She'd gone with a blood red lipstick and dark smokey black eye makeup. “We should head out,” Lilah said, checking her phone. “Do you have a small bag?” You asked Lilah, who nodded and disappeared into her room. When she returned, she was holding a small silver clutch and handed it to you.

Opening the tiny purse, you slipped your things into it, adding Lilah’s phone and lipstick when she handed them to you. “Okay,” Lilah said, combing through her hair with her fingers. “Let’s go.” You slipped on your best friend's heels and followed her to the door.

Outside, the sun had started to set, falling below the treeline. The two of you walked, chatting animatedly, when your phone buzzed in the purse. You fished it out and saw a text from Joshua.

Joshy: everything okay?

You: yeah. Lilah just being usual Lilah

Joshy: dramatic? That’s so like her lol so you staying with her or would you like to meet up and pick up where we left off?

You paused, stopping in your tracks as Lilah chatted animatedly. She didn’t notice you’d stopped for a few moments. “Y/N?” She asked. “Everything okay?” You looked up at her, meeting her concerned gaze. “Yeah, let me just answer this text real quick,” you replied, looking back down at your phone and typing a response.

You: I’m gonna stay with Lilah. Girls night. Sorry babe

Joshy: it’s alright baby. Will I see you soon?”

You: of course. We’ll see each other on Sunday,

Joshy: at church?

You: and after, if you’d like (;

Joshy: Sunday suddenly can’t come fast enough

You giggled, slipping your phone into the purse and joining Lilah, linking arms with her as you walked.

“I think that’s the last box,” Jeongguk said, setting the box he was carrying down on the kitchen counter. Changbin looked up from his phone and back down, sending the text he was currently typing and pocketed his phone.

“Which one is that one?” He asked as he walked over to where his friend stood. “Uhh, kitchen shit,” Jeongguk said, tilting his head to the side to read the hastily scribbled words written in black Sharpie.

Changbin snorted and pushed his friend, who merely chuckled.

“I still can’t believe we’re actually here,” Jeongguk added as he moved to lean over the kitchen island. “Beats sleeping on the road and in shitty roadside inns,” he continued, giving Changbin a pointed look.

“Would you rather sleep in a shitty roadside inn or camp by the side of the road again?” Changbin asked, recalling the first and last time he went camping with Jeongguk. ‘Never again,’ he had told himself the following morning.

“Yeah, no. I’m never sharing a tent with you again,” Jeongguk laughed as Changbin joined him. “Hey, it makes for one hell of a story,” the younger man said with a shrug.

Jeongguk rolled his eyes. “Ah yes, I’ll be sure to regale all the hot babes with tales of how i thought I got bit in the ass by a snake, but it was actually a rock under the base of the tent I happened to roll onto in my sleep,” he said, a goofy grin on his face as Changbin burst into laughter.

“In your defense, it was like three in the morning, and I’m sure it felt exactly like a snake bite in your sleep,” Changbin retorted, making Jeongguk offer him a very rude hand gesture. “I’m just glad things worked out when they did,” Jeongguk finally said softly. “Who knows what would have happened if we didn’t get into this place before the end of the month.”

The smile on Changbin’s face fell slowly. Jeongguk was right. They were cutting it close, but he was lucky to even find this place to begin with. He would have to thank Sungjin again for the heads up.

Changbin felt his phone buzz in his pocket and took it out, heart beating quickly until he saw the notification was from Chris. He visibly relaxed, his muscles no longer tensing, something Jeongguk took notice of immediately.

He waited until Changbin finished texting before he spoke.

“When are you gonna stop doing that?”Jeongguk asked softly. He didn’t mean it harshly. It’s not like he found it annoying. More like it was concerning how his friend tensed up any time his phone went off.

“Huh?” Changbin asked as he slipped his phone back into the pocket of his black cargo pants. “Doing what?” Jeongguk could tell Changbin was trying to feign ignorance but he wasn’t having it.

“You really think she’ll be able to find you? All the way out here?” Jeongguk asked, watching how Changbin winced slightly when he mentioned… her. Albeit not by name. Still, any mention of her was enough to send Changbin on edge.

“You know she hates small towns like this,” Jeongguk continued. “I mean, hell, she didn’t even want to visit Daejeon when we came out for a tattoo convention three years ago!” Changbin knew his friend had a point.

“It’s been what? Almost a year since you’ve seen or heard from her, right?” Jeongguk asked, watching Changbin as he nodded. “Give or take, yeah,” he confirmed. Jeongguk nodded this time. “It’s time to let it go, man. You’re safe. There’s no way she’ll find you out here.”

Changbin exhaled slowly. Jeongguk was right. Changbin knew there was no way anyone from his past would find him out here. It was far from the city. Far from the life he’d lived before. The only thing he brought with him were his problems and one of the few people he could really depend on.

His phone buzzed again and he pulled it out. Chris sure was talkative today.

Chris was the new piercer he’d just hired a couple of months ago when the shop was still being renovated. Chris and Minho had come in, the former being all smiles as he walked in, a certain bounce in his step, while his friend was much more cynical and witty.

[two months ago]

Changbin stood up, admiring his handiwork as he checked the wall for white spots. He’d just finished painting the accent wall near the front of the shop while Jeongguk was working on the large tiger decal he’d started three days ago. Changbin turned to look at his friend’s work.

“Holy shit, dude,” Changbin said as his eyes took in the details and color. Jeongguk was resting on a ladder as if it were the most comfortable place to be, an artist's palette in his hand as he worked on the tiger’s face.

He looked down with a huge grin, one the girls he’d dated in the past said reminded them of a bunny rabbit. Changbin didn’t see what they saw, but that was probably because those girls were trying to woo his best friend, and he was not.

“Looks a lot better than yesterday, huh?” Jeongguk asked as he set the palette on the small tray holder of the ladder and climbed down, hopping past the last few steps and meeting Changbin in the middle of the room to look up at the tiger.

“Yeah, he has teeth now,” Changbin joked. “Doesn’t look like some weird gaping maw.” Jeongguk playfully swung at Changbin with a chuckle. “Fuck you, man,” he laughed as Changbin easily dodged him.

The two were continuing to playfully box at one another until the bell at the front door rang as the door opened.

Changbin turned as two men entered the shop. Both of them were taller than he was but still shorter than Jeongguk. One had dark brown, curly hair tucked under a black plain baseball cap. He wore a simple black tee shirt and grey sweats with black trainers.

He had partial sleeves, all in black ink, decorating his arms as well as a couple on the side of his neck. He also sported a silver barbel on his left eyebrow, a black ring in his septum and a single nose piercing.

The other man, the taller of the two, had longer just as dark brown hair and wore a dark gray shirt with ripped blue jeans and black high top shoes. He had full sleeves in partial color and a single vertical labret piercing.

“Hey,” Jeongguk said, stepping forward. “Sorry guys, we’re not open and still working in here.” The taller of the two raised an eyebrow as the shorter man smiled, dimples appearing on either side of his face.

“You’re hiring, right?” He asked, holding out the flyers Changbin had put up the week before. Changbin looked back up at the man. “Uh, yeah. What kind of experience do you have?” He asked.

He watched as both men pulled out their phones. The taller one showed him an Instagram full of his work. “Do you both do tattoos?” Changbin asked. The shorter one shook his head.

“Minho does tattoos. I’m still learning, but I do piercings,” he answered. Changbin nodded, watching as the shorter man showed him the piercings he’s done.

“You have your licenses and certifications,” Jeongguk asked as he looked over the two men’s Instagram portfolios. Both nodded, providing the necessary documents. Jeongguk looked over the two license and papers before he handed them back and tapped Changbin on the shoulder, nodding towards the front desk.

“Give us just a second,” Changbin said to the men and turned to follow Jeongguk.

“What do you think?” His friend asked, arms crossed over his chest. Changbin glanced over where the two men stood, looking around and inspecting Jeongguk’s tiger wall art. “This is really good,” the shorter man said, smiling at the tiger . “Your work?” He asked, directing the question at Jeongguk, who nodded.

“It’s really good, man.”

Jeongguk turned his attention back to Changbin after thanking the man.

“Well?”

Changbin looked at the two men, giving them the once-over. It was apparent they both knew what they were doing but he needed confirmation. “Let’s give them a test.” Jeongguk nodded and stepped forward.

“What are your names again?” He asked.

“Minho,” the taller man answered.

“This excitable short puppy is Chan,” he added, gesturing to his friend.

“Uh no. Chris,” the shorter man answered.

“Chan is my birth name. I prefer Chris.”

“Okay, Minho,” Jeongguk answered, nodding towards Minho.

“Chris,” he nodded towards the shorter man. “We’re gonna give you both a test.” Minho said nothing but Chris chuckled.

“Okay, but I didn’t study,” he joked.

Minho rolled his eyes.

“Ignore him and his dumb jokes,” he said softly. Changbin let out a low laugh.

“Jeongguk, take Minho to your station,” he instructed before turning to Chris.

“You come with me.”

Chris followed Changbin to his station. “Are there any piercings you aren’t comfortable performing?” Changbin asked as he dug through a box, pulling out a few supplies. He pulled a rolling tray over to him with the toe of his boot.

Chris shook his head. “I’ve done almost everything. Dermals, tongues, nipples, hell, I’ve even done a few genital piercings,” he answered as Changbin set up the tray. Changbin looked up with a raised eyebrow.

“You’re a braver man than me,” he murmured with a smirk.

“I don’t want anyone’s junk in my face.”

Chris shrugged. “It doesn’t bother me,” he said with a grin. “And the smell doesn’t bother you?” Changbin asked as he moved the tray over to his chair. Chris shook his head. “Nah. I always wear a mask and I get it done as soon as possible so I don’t have to smell anything.”

Changbin snorted as he sat on the chair. “Alright. I’ve set you up to do—” he started, but Chris interrupted him. “Nipple? Not gonna lie, I figured you’d already have them done,” he said with a sly grin.

Changbin untucked his shirt and pulled it off. “I just never got around to it. It’s hard to pierce yourself, and Kook doesn’t do piercings,” he said as he set his shirt aside.

Chris seemingly entered his professional mode. His cheerful demeanor didn’t drop as he washed his hands quickly, returning to put on the gloves.

“Kook?” Chris asked as he got to work. “Which side?” He asked, pointing at Changbin’s chest. “Doesn’t matter to me,” Changbin answered. “Right side is fine.” Chris started prepping the area, wiping it with an alcohol pad.

“Kook is my partner,” Changbin finally responded to Chris’ earlier question.

“Oh, business partner or…?” He trailed off. Changbin chuckled as Chris prepared the needle.

“Business. He’s a great guy and my best friend but I’m very much into women,” Changbin answered as Chris laughed with him.

“Hey, no judgment here,” Chris said, preparing the barbel before grabbing the small forceps. “How well do you handle pain?” Chris asked as he carefully clamped the forceps on Changbin’s right nipple.

“I’m covered in tattoos,” Changbin answered with an amused tone. “I’d say pretty well,” he added as Chris picked up the needle.

“You’d think people who are covered in tattoos handle pain well but Minho is the biggest baby in existence,” Chris whispered as he leaned in closer to see what he was doing.

“I heard that.” A voice called from across the hall, making Changbin and Chris both chuckle. “Deep breath in,” Chris instructed. Changbin breathed in. “And out,” Chris said and as Changbin exhaled, he felt the slight sting of the needle.

“You didn’t even wince,” Chris noted as he pulled the barbel through and carefully secured the screw ball on the end before wiping the area one last time.

Changbin picked up his shirt. While Chris cleaned up the used items and removed his gloves, Changbin pulled his shirt back on.

“So, do I get the job?” Chris asked as Changbin moved the tray aside and set the rest of the stuff to be cleaned.

“How are you with painting?” Changbin asked as he tucked his shirt back into his pants. “Uh, I’m no Picasso, but I’ve painted rooms before,” Chris said with a shrug. “And Minho?” Changbin asked as they walked towards the doorway.

“He’s the artist. Much better than me,” Chris answered, following Changbin into the room where Jeongguk’s station was. They turned and watched while Minho worked. Jeongguk had pulled his shirt off and was sitting facing away from Minho while the younger man drew a small flash tattoo.

It wasn’t anything intricate or fancy. The lines were clean, and his hand very steady. “You better not be drawing a dick,” Jeongguk said jokingly. Minho snorted but continued to work.

“Nah,” he replied, stopping for a second to wipe some ink and blood from Jeongguk’s skin, a smirk forming as his response formed in his head.

“It's a butt.”

In reality, it was a small sheet style ghost with a little balloon that read ‘dead inside.’

Changbin held back a laugh as a grin spread across his face. The style was cute and cartoonish, but the sad ghost eyes and the balloon really set it apart. “I know it’s supposed to be a flash tattoo, but you should totally fill that in red,” Changbin said as he leaned over, pointing at the balloon.

“Great,” Jeongguk said sarcastically. “I got a red ass on my back.”

His response had the other three men bursting into laughter.

When he finished, Minho cleaned up while Jeongguk managed to get a glimpse in the mirror. “Hey, that’s pretty neat. I like the balloon,” he said as he looked over his shoulder at the little ghost.

“I almost did the ghost with a ski mask and gun,” Minho answered as he finished cleaning up and washed his hands. “That would have been a good one, too,” Jeongguk replied, pulling his shirt on.

“So,” Chris asked again with a smile on his face. Changbin and Jeongguk exchanged glances. Jeongguk nodded at his friend, and Changbin turned back to the two.

“You’re hired.”

[present day]

The ringing of Changbin’s phone brought him back to the present, pulling him out of his memories. The caller ID told him it was Chris. He answered it, holding the device up to his ear. “Hey,” he answered.

“Alright, I know you said not to call you without asking first, but there’s this club. Minho and I are going. You remember Ari?” Chris said into the receiver.

Changbin did remember Ari. She was the blonde girl that often came to the shop to see Minho. He also remembered the way Minho looked at Ari whenever she was around. It was a fondness he’d never seen in the two months he’d known the man.

“Yeah, I remember Ari,” Changbin answered, ignoring the way Jeongguk looked up, listening in to his side of the conversation. Jeongguk mouthed at Changbin, trying to figure out what was going on, but Changbin waved him off.

“Well, her friend Hana has been in the shop lately, and she’s got an eye for you. She wants to meet you. So the task to invite you to come out with us has fallen to me. Would you kindly grace us with your presence, boss?” Chris explained, ending in an ask. “We would greatly enjoy your company.”

Changbin snorted. If Chris had asked this in front of him, he’d playfully push or swipe at him. “Yeah, I guess I can make an appearance,” Changbin answered.

“Great! What about Jeongguk? Is he free?”

Changbin told Chris to hold on, putting the call on mute before speaking to Jeongguk. “Chris and Minho are inviting us to come out to a club with them. Apparently one of Ari’s friends wants to meet me,” he explained.

Jeongguk bobbed his head from side to side before nodding. “Yeah, sure.”

Changbin unmuted the call and brought the phone to his ear with a smile.

“Yeah. We’re in.”

You’d never been to the old fire station. The brick exterior hadn’t been touched, even leaving up the old Station 6 sign. Heavy bass sounded from inside the building, muffled by the bricks. You followed Lilah to the door and squeezed your way in. Most of the original structure had been untouched.

The entry hallway was crowded with people moving to and from the dance floor, which was the old fire truck bay. You followed Lilah into the old garage and stood to the side while she looked around, no doubt looking for Chris. You instead took the time to look around at the decor.

The brick inside had been painted black, and there was now a second balcony above the dance floor. The floor where people danced was a step down with a raised DJ booth in the far corner from where you stood. The bar was packed, every seat taken. The tables against the railing separating the dance floor were standing only.

The bar stools and the standing tables matched round black tops with black steel legs. The bar top was black quartz and shiny, catching the lights from above as they swirled and painted the dance floor and patrons in a shower of rainbow and neon lights.

“I see them!” Lilah said to you, leaning in to speak in your ear so you could hear her over the booming music. You nodded, showing that you understood. Lilah took your hand and led you past the bar, following the flow of the crowd until she managed to squeeze into a small booth in the far corner.

She sat down, pulling you gently with her, your butt landing on the cushioned bench next to her. You recognized the man next to her. It was Chris. He turned to look at her as she tapped a finger against his tattooed forearm. His shocked expression morphed into a huge grin, and he greeted her warmly and hugged her.

“You remember my best friend, Y/N?” Lilah asked, gesturing to you, and your attention was drawn from the old garage doors that had been left intact, but no doubt the wiring cut so they couldn’t be opened. Chris gave you a pleasant smile. “It’s nice to see you, Y/N,” he said, leaning forward to shake your hand. “Didn’t expect to see you here,” he added, reaching towards the table to grab his drink.

You shrugged your shoulders. “I didn’t know I’d be coming until about twenty minutes ago,” you replied, nudging Lilah, who gave you a sheepish smile. “I can’t come out without my best friend!” She said with an exaggerated shrug.

You rolled your eyes and turned your attention away as Lilah started to chat with Chris. Sitting in the same corner booth were some faces you recognized but couldn’t put their names to their faces. Your eyes landed on someone you’d never seen before. He looked to be about your age, with short black hair with bangs that fell into his eyes. His attention was focused on the girl sitting next to him.

He wore a black fitted button down with the sleeves rolled up, exposing his heavily tattooed forearms. You noticed the way the fabric of his shirt stretched every time he moved. This guy looked like he was born in a gym. You found yourself unable to look away from him.

He smiled, no doubt at something the girl next to him had whispered in his ear. He shook his head and leaned forward, grabbing his drink and taking a sip. He nestled back against the cushion, arm resting on top of the cushion behind the girl.

She was clearly enjoying the attention he was giving her. Your eyes wandered, taking in the tight black jeans and black leather combat boots. The man leaned forward to look at the guy sitting on the other side of the girl. He was equally as tattooed as the first with an eyebrow and lip piercing.

He had shorter brown hair, styled back to show off his forehead. He turned to look at his friend. You could see his mouth moving, not hearing what was being said. The second man, the brunet, nodded before turning back to the girl with purple hair he had been talking to.

The first man stood up and held out his hand to the girl, which she took it excitedly, letting him pull her up, the brunet man following with the purple haired woman.

You looked away quickly as the four walked past, no doubt heading for the dance floor. As you turned to look at Lilah your eye caught another man staring at you. You recognized him as one of Chris’ friends.

You were sure Lilah had mentioned his name before. Min-Soo? Min-young? Minho? You knew it started with Min. He was looking at you, a curious expression on his face. When your eyes met his, he raised an eyebrow and a smirk slowly started to form on his lips. You tapped Lilah quickly, catching her attention.

“I’m gonna go get something to drink,” you said over the music. Lilah held up her finger, telling you to wait a moment. She turned back to Chris to explain where the two of you were going. He offered to come with and Lilah took him up on his offer.

You soon found yourself squished between Lilah and one of the patrons sitting on a stool at the bar. You apologized to the woman but she just smiled and turned back to her friend.

“What are you drinking?” Chris asked Lilah. She glanced at the back of the bar as a bartender came by.

“Whiskey,” she replied. “Neat.”

Chris turned to the bartender to order two whiskies, both neat before he turned to look past Lilah at you.

“What would you like, Y/N?” He asked. Your head snapped to look at him. “Oh, uh…” you trailed off, glancing at the bar before speaking quickly. “Whiskey sour is fine,” you answered.

Chris nodded, turning to the bartender to add your drink to his tab. The bartender nodded, getting to work on your drinks. You turned around to look over the crowd of people on the dance floor, and somehow, your eyes found him again. His attention was on the girl he’d been sitting with, hands on her waist as they danced closely.

Feeling as if you were intruding, you turned away. A moment later, you felt the girl on the stool next to you slip away, leaving the spot vacant but only for a second.

“I’m surprised to see you here, Goody-Two Shoes,” a low but seductive voice said in your ear.

You turned to see the Min-something guy from before. You rolled your eyes as Lilah reached across to smack his arm. “Don’t call her that, Minho!” she said, frowning. His smile widened as he waited for the bartender.

“Enjoying the show?” He asked, and you turned to give him a confused look. He nodded over his shoulder.

“The way you were eyeing him so hard, I’m surprised someone like you would even be interested,” Minho said, voice low enough that only you could hear him. You looked away.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you answered. He scoffed. “I’m not blind, sweetheart,” he said patronizingly.

“I saw you checking him out earlier. What? Is your pompous asshole boyfriend not doing it for you anymore?”

You felt the heat rising from the pit of your stomach. Before you could answer him, your drink was set in front of you. You thanked Chris, who gave you a warm smile before you turned to look at Minho, a smirk still plastered all over his face.

Taking a sip of your drink gave you enough courage to bite back. “I suggest you get your eyes checked, Min-ho,” you said, adding emphasis to the last syllable of his name before Lilah dragged you away from the bar and back to the booth.

Back on the cushioned seat, you sat nestled next to Lilah as she spoke animatedly with Chris and the girl Minho had been sitting with earlier. You didn’t join in the conversation though you did listen in.

“Good eye, Ari,” Chris said, his eyes on Changbin and Hana as they danced on the dance floor. “She’s really cute. Totally looks like his type,” he added as Minho returned, sliding into the booth and cozying up next to the blonde who smiled.

“I knew the moment we walked into the shop, she’d fall for him,” Ari answered, lifting her glass to take a sip. “They do look really good together,” she added. Chris smiled, playfully rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, pat yourself on the back,” he said with a chuckle. Ari smiled again. “Thank you. I think I will,” she said, reaching over her shoulder to lightly pat herself on the back, making Chris and Lilah both laugh.

Minho set his glass down and turned to lean into Ari, whispering in her ear. She nodded and followed as Minho stood up. “We’ll be right back,” she said as she took Minho’s hand and followed as he gently pulled her along.

You watched as they walked past, having zoned out of the conversation halfway through. You felt pressure on your shoulder and turned your head to see Lilah resting her chin on your shoulder. She gave you a smile which you returned.

“You okay?” Lilah asked as a slower song started to play over the speakers. You nodded. “I’m okay,” you answered. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Chris down the rest of his drink before he placed a hand on Lilah’s shoulder.

She sat up and turned as he leaned in to whisper in her ear. She nodded before turning to you. “We’re gonna go dance,” she announced. You nodded wordlessly, taking a sip of your drink. “You should come with us,” Lilah added, looking at you with a peculiar expression. You shook your head.

“You came here for him,” you whispered as Chris stood up.

“I’m your wing woman, remember? Go dance with him. Sweep him off his feet,” you said softly, offering your best friend a reassuring smile.

Lilah nodded and leaned in, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “We’ll be right back,” Chris said over the music. You shook your head.

“Take your time,” you half yelled.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you added. Chris smiled and nodded to your drink.

“If you finish that, go get another and put it on my tab. It’s under Bang,” he said as Lilah got to her feet. You nodded as they squeezed past you but made a mental note not to do that . You felt bad if anyone bought you things.

You already had so much. You didn’t need anyone buying you things when you could buy them yourself. You continued to sip on your drink, pulling your phone out to see if you had any text.

Other than Wonwoo telling you he was expecting a package soon, there were no notifications, and it was radio silence from Joshua, leaving you to wonder what he was up to. ‘He’s probably reading a book or catching up on that anime,’ you told yourself with a smile. ‘My goofy weeb boyfriend.’

Once you’d finished your drink, you decided to get another and got up, heading over to the bar, squeezing between two tall men where a very pretty female bartender with baby pink hair smiled at you.

“Hi, hun,” she greeted you, leaning in to hear your order. You got the same whiskey sour and opened your borrowed purse to pull out some cash to pay.

“Let me,” a voice said, and you looked up to see a strange man beside you smiling down at you. He was quite handsome, and tall, with medium brown hair and very prominent dimples.

“I’m Dae-hyun,” he added as the bartender made your drink, eyeing the man suspiciously. “Y/N,” you said politely. “And thank you, but I've got this,” you added, pulling some notes out of your wallet.

“How else am I supposed to get your attention, though?” Dae-hyun asked. “Come on. Let me buy you one drink,” he pressed, but you shook your head. “No, thank you. Really, I appreciate it, but I can buy my own drinks.”

You turned to pay the bartender as she set your drink down, not missing the way Dae-hyun’s eyes scanned your body, a smirk on his lips. “Hey, you gonna buy a drink or just oggle my patrons?” She barked, making the man jump and grimace.

You turned and watched as the man slunk away and turned back to pay the bartender. She pushed the drink towards you and waved her hand. “It’s on the house, honey,” she said with a wink.

You thanked her, putting the bills instead in the tip jar and thanked her again before leaving the bar and returning to the corner booth that still sat empty save for the server cleaning up the empty glasses.

You thanked her as she walked by and returned to your seat, fishing your phone out again, trying to pass the time.

You could have left the moment Chris asked Lilah to dance with him. Your mission had been completed as Lilah’s wing woman, but you sat on the black cushion, sipping on your free drink.

As you scrolled through your Instagram feed, loud giggles announced the arrival of part of the group, and you glanced up to see the blonde girl, Ari, and Minho return.

“You’re still here?” Minho asked as he plopped down next to Ari, eyeing you suspiciously. “You can leave, you know.” Ari lightly slapped his arm. “Don’t be mean,” she said sternly. “If Y/N wants to stay here, she can,” she added, smiling warmly. Her kindness surprised you but you smiled back.

Minho leaned forward to grab his glass and grumbled something you couldn’t hear but Ari slapped his arm again. “Be nice!” She hissed as you turned your attention away as more footsteps approached.

It was the man from before and the girl he’d gone to dance with. You looked away as they sat down, feeling the guy’s eyes on you. You glanced back and met his gaze. This was the first time he’d acknowledged your presence.

You barely got a good look at his face before his attention turned to the girl next to him and you felt like you could breathe, your cheeks growing warm. You decided to chalk that up to the alcohol coursing through your system as Lilah and Chris finally returned.

“Is it just me or is it hot?” Lilah asked as she took her glass from Chris, thanking him before taking a sip. The girl whose name you did know nodded. “It’s really hot,” she replied, looking at the man beside her.

Her eyes moved past him to you and she gave you a blank stare, glancing you over as if she’d just noticed you existed before she turned away when Ari called her name. “Hana, do you want to go back out there? Minho won’t go with me!” Ari pouted. Hana shook her head at Minho and got up.

“I’ll dance with you,” Hana said, reaching out to take Ari’s hand and the pair squeezed past the rest of the group and headed onto the dance floor again. You looked away from them to find the black-haired man looking at you again.

His gaze didn’t feel scrutinizing or patronizing in any way. It was more like he was trying to figure you out simply by looking at you. You turned your gaze away but felt his eyes on you. Lilah and Chris were chatting animatedly next to you about his new job.

“Yeah, I just walked in and showed him what I’ve done. Then I had to perform an actual piercing,” Chris explained as Lilah hung onto every word. “Like, you had to pierce him?” She asked, jaw dropping when Chris nodded.

You glanced down at your now empty drink, trying to decide if you should get another. ‘Ah, fuck it,’ you told yourself as you set the empty one down and announced to your best friend you were getting another.

Lilah whipped around, gently grabbing your hand and stopped you before you could get up.

“Are you sure you can handle another drink, Y/N?” She asked, eyes studying your face, her expression full of concern.

“Oh, come on, Lilah. She’s a big girl,” Minho said as he slid into his seat next to Ari, who had returned with Hana before Hana pulled the man she’d been with up and onto the dance floor again. Minho was giving you a smirk but like Lilah, Ari had a look of concern. You weren’t sure why.

You narrowed your eyes at Minho, wanting to snap back but Lilah gave your hand a gentle squeeze. “Ignore him, Y/N,” she said, turning your attention back to her.

“You know your tolerance better than anyone,” she added. You looked at your two empty glasses on the table and nodded. “You’re right. I’ll just go to the bathroom,” you answered before getting to your feet and adjusting the hem of your dress.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Lilah asked but you shook your head, giving her a smile. “I’ll be fine, Li,” you said before turning and walking away from the booth.

You made your way out of the garage and towards the bathroom, only to bump into someone. The force at which they ran into you almost knocked you over. “Whoa! Sorry,” said a familiar voice as two hands steadied you.

You looked up into the face of one of Joshua’s best friends.

“Hey, Cheol!” You said excitedly, sharing a hug with him. He smiled brightly at you. “I didn’t know you were going to be here!” He said, looking around. “You didn’t come with Josh, did you?” He asked.

You shook your head. “Uh, no, I came with… Lilah,” you said, voice dropping as you said your best friend’s name. Seungcheol acted as if hearing his ex-girlfriend’s name didn’t bother him but you knew better. As far as you and Joshua knew, Seungcheol was still heartbroken over Lilah and Jeonghan’s drunken hookup.

It had been only a few months ago at a lake house party. Seungcheol, unfortunately, had work responsibilities so he couldn't attend. You'd gone with Joshua to appease "the party gods" as Lilah put it.

Halfway through, Lilah was much more drunk than you'd seen in a long time and Joshua offered to take both of you home. You went with him to get your jackets and when you returned to where you'd left Lilah, she was nowhere to be found and no one knew where she'd gone. You tried looking for her but Joshua said to let her be.

You felt like you should have looked harder.

The next morning Lilah showed up at your door, hungover and crying. She told you she waited for when you and Joshua went to get your jackets and during the time you were gone, she'd run into Jeonghan, who was also quite plastered himself.

One minute they were chatting, the next, they were stumbling into an empty room, and when she woke up the next morning, she realized they'd had sex. She was an absolute mess, beating herself up about how to break the news to Seungcheol.

When she finally did, she didn't ask for his forgiveness though he was ready to give it freely. She didn't cry, she didn't beg, she simply apologized and ended things, telling Seungcheol that there was no fixing this. What she'd done couldn't be undone or taken back.

According to Joshua, Seungcheol was heartbroken. He'd lost the love of his life and a best friend in one swoop. He didn't handle the betrayal he felt towards Jeonghan well and ended up giving Jeonghan a black eye. Joshua had felt conflicted about the whole thing, wanting to be there for Seungcheol but not knowing who was at fault .

You knew that Lilah and Jeonghan messed up but Lilah was your friend. Seungcheol was Joshua’s friend before he was yours. So you'd distanced yourself out of respect not only for Lilah but for Seungcheol as well, not sure if he'd even want to see you.

Judging by his response upon seeing you now, you knew he didn't hold you accountable . He was his usual cheerful self.

“Oh?” He asked, lifting his glass to his lips to take a sip. You nodded, unsure how to recover from the awkward silence between you. “You don’t have a drink?” He asked, noticing your empty hands. You shook your head.

“I just finished a second. I’m on my way to the bathroom,” you replied, gesturing towards the hall that led to the bathrooms. “Want me to get you one?” Seungcheol asked. You shook your head. “No, that’s okay,” you answered but Seungcheol cut you off. “Speak of the devil,” he said, a smile forming on his face.

You turned to look at who Seungcheol was looking at and your heart nearly dropped into your stomach.

Joshua was walking over, a smile on his own face, until he caught sight of you. His smile faltered for a moment before he turned his attention to Seungcheol. “We were just talking about you!” Seungcheol said, greeting his friend. Joshua looked from his friend to you. “Were you now?” He asked, to which Seungcheol nodded.

“I thought she came with you,” Seungcheol admitted. “No. She didn’t,” Joshua said, his eyes not leaving yours. “Well, I’ve got to use the restroom,” you said quickly. “It was nice catching up with you, Cheollie,” you said, giving him a smile before walking away to head for the bathroom.

Joshua muttered something to Seungcheol before following you, grabbing your arm a little too hard and turning you to face him. “Sorry,” he muttered, noticing how you winced in his grip. “I thought you were having a girls night,” he said, his voice back to normal volume since the music was now muffled as you were no longer in the same room.

“I am. I came here with Lilah,” you answered, eyes darting to the side where you saw another familiar face. “I thought you meant you were staying in,” he said, drawing your attention again.

“You know, a girl's night, like, movies and pizza or something,” he added. You shook your head. “No, Lilah wanted to come see Chris, and I said I’d come with her,” you replied. "Be her wing woman of sorts," you added with a laugh.

Joshua’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Who the hell is Chris?” He demanded, sounding suddenly angry that you were talking about another man. 'Oh boy, here we go.'

You didn’t like the tone of his voice.

“Chris is one of Lilah’s friends ,” you stated. Joshua crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t like it,” he said quickly. “Don’t like what?” You asked, also not liking the direction this conversation was going.

He was stalling you, and you really had to pee. “I don’t like the idea of you and Lilah alone with some strange man,” he countered. You rolled your eyes. “He’s not some strange man, Josh,” you retorted.

“He’s her friend and he happens to be a very nice man,” you added. Joshua scoffed, now his turn to roll his eyes.

“Nice people don’t hang around these places, Y/N,” he replied, and you had to give him a deadpan blank stare.

“Are you saying you aren’t a nice person?” You asked, making him realize his contradiction. He was getting frustrated with you. He pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes screwed shut as he breathed slowly. “You know what I meant."

You saw his eyes flicker from you to something behind you for a moment before turning his attention back to you. “So then I’m not a nice person?” You inquired, trying to get him to admit he was making bullshit up. Joshua rolled his eyes again. He was over this.

“You know damn well what I meant, Y/F/N Y/L/N,” he stated, clearly annoyed with the banter you were giving him.

“Oh-ho-ho,” said a voice as the owner slid up beside you and draped an arm around your shoulders. “Busting out the government names are we now, Joshua Hong?”

You glanced up to see Minho, a smirk on his face. Joshua glared at the younger man. You could see that the simple action of putting his arm around your shoulders nearly set him off.

Joshua didn’t like it when other men looked at, let alone touched you. He was about to grab Minho by the collar when you shook Minho's arm off your shoulder.

“What are you doing here, Minho?” You asked, looking at him. He tore his gaze from Joshua’s, giving you an uncharacteristically warm smile. “Lilah was wondering what was taking you so long,” he said before looking back up at Joshua.

“I volunteered to come retrieve you,” he added, linking his arm with yours if only to set Joshua off further. You pulled your arm from his.

“Well, I still haven’t been to the bathroom,” you admitted.

"Well, why did you say so?" Minho asked, gesturing for you to hurry. “I’ll wait here. I promised Lilah I’d retrieve you and retrieve you I shall,” he added, causing you to roll your eyes before excusing yourself and hurrying down the crowded hallway.

Minho looked back at Joshua as you disappeared, his smile falling quickly. “Who the hell do you think you are?” Joshua asked, gritting his teeth. Minho was not easily intimidated, especially not by men like Joshua Hong.

“No,” Minho said, taking a step forward and prodding Joshua in the chest with his finger. “Who do you think you are?” Joshua was taken aback. “What?” He asked incredulously.

“I saw that,” Minho stated. “The way you grabbed her like that. What makes you think you can act that way?” Minho demanded, his voice low so only Joshua could hear him. “She’s my girlfriend, Lee. I don’t think it’s any of your concern—” Joshua started but he was cut off by Minho once again, who jabbed him in the chest with his finger.

“She may be your girlfriend,” he repeated. “But that doesn't make her your property,” he added. “You don’t get to grab her and throw her around like some kind of rag doll." Joshua opened his mouth to retort but was cut off once again by Minho's external monologue.

"You know, I've always wondered where those bruises come from,” he added. Joshua’s eyes widened. Minho could see he'd hit a nerve. "It all makes sense now."

“How dare you accuse me of abusing Y/N,” he snarled. A hand came between the two. “Gentlemen,” a voice said. Joshua looked down and noticed a much shorter man with black hair pushing him and Minho apart.

“This is a public space,” he added, glancing from Minho to Joshua.. “Let’s not cause a scene.”

“Who the hell are you?” Joshua asked, albeit very rudely.

“Changbin,” the raven haired man replied. “Seo Changbin,” he added, holding out his hand for Joshua to shake. Joshua looked down at the man’s tattoo covered hand and chose to ignore the gesture, instead looking at Minho and narrowing his eyes.

“Stay out of my relationship, Lee Minho,” he spat angrily before turning and walking back to meet up with Seungcheol and their friends, leaving the two men standing there. Changbin looked at his older friend.

“Okay,” Changbin said, jerking his thumb behind him in the direction Joshua had gone. “Who the fuck was that?” He asked. Minho held out his hand in a grand gesture. “Joshua Hong,” he replied.

“Sejong’s very own pompous asshole boyfriend,” he added, causing the younger man to snort and roll his eyes. “Wait… boyfriend?” Changbin asked, suddenly confused.

“Who’s his girlfriend?”

In the women’s restroom, you opened the stall door having finished your business and approached the sink, washing your hands quickly as you glanced up at your reflection in the water-stained mirror. Your makeup seemed fine despite the fact you had been crying just a few minutes ago.

You hoped no one would notice.

Your eyes caught sight of a red mark on your arm and glanced down at the spot where Joshua had grabbed you. “Shit,” you whispered, moving to dry your hands and inspect the mark.

If Lilah didn’t notice the makeup, she was bound to notice this. According to Lilah, Seungcheol had done the same thing a few times, grabbed her by the arm much harder than he intended to.

‘He must be really mad, if he grabbed me this hard,’ you thought as you finished drying your hands. You quickly rid yourself of that bullshit thought and shook your head quickly. ‘No,’ you told yourself.

‘It doesn’t matter how mad he is. Nothing gives him the right to grab me like that.’

Giving yourself the once over one last time with a quick nod to your reflection, you pulled open the door and stepped out into the hall. As you wound your way through the crowd of people, you were knocked backwards into someone and turned to apologize profusely.

The guy turned, and you saw it was the guy from the booth. The one Minho had caught you staring at. “Sorry,” you muttered.

“Someone knocked me over.” The man looked over and noticed several much taller guys crowded nearby before his eyes returned to you and nodded.

“You alright?” He asked, taking you by surprise. ‘Why is he asking me if I’m okay when I’m the one who bumped into him?’ You wondered but decided against asking him that very thing. “I’m okay,” you answered with a nod.

The smile that formed on his face almost took your breath away. “Then no harm done,” he said softly, turning back to the girl leaning against the wall that he’d been previously kissing. You turned away as they went back at it.

‘Awkward.’

As you headed out of the hall, you saw Minho standing in the same place you’d left him. He was looking over the crowd, clearly agitated but you couldn’t discern what had him scowling like that.

‘He… actually waited?’

Minho must have sensed someone was watching him and turned to find you standing a few steps behind him, watching him with a peculiar expression. Perhaps you hadn’t expected him to actually wait for you.

After witnessing your encounter with Joshua, he wasn’t going to leave you to walk alone when that asshat was still in the building, probably waiting for you to appear so he could swoop in and do more pompous asshole boyfriend shit.

Minho’s expression softened as you approached him. You glanced around only after realizing Joshua wasn’t anywhere in sight. You wondered what Minho could have said or done to get Joshua to leave but thought better than to ask.

“Where did Josh go?” You asked as soon as you were within earshot. Minho shrugged his shoulders. “Why do you care?” he answered. You glared at him. “‘Cause he’s my boyfriend,” you retorted, your words failing and expression softening as he offered his arm for you to take.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” You asked suspiciously, taking his arm all the same. “Don’t get used to it,” Minho said as he led you back to the booth, stopping at the bar to get another drink. “What are you drinking?” He asked. You shook your head. “I shouldn’t have another,” you admitted.

Minho dramatically rolled his eyes with an equally exaggerated sigh.

“It’s not every day I’m offering to buy you a drink so pick something,” he urged, waving his hand. “Fine, a Singapore sling,” you answered. Minho gave you a once over before his lips spread into a wide and slightly mischievous grin.

“Oh, I think I’m gonna like this new you,” he said before turning to tell the bartender, leaving you to silent combust as heat spread across your face.

‘What does that mean? The new me?’

Once the drinks were made, Minho led you back to the booth. You thanked him again and sat next to Lilah.

“There you are!” She said, throwing her arms around you. “I was getting worried!” You patted her on the head, chuckling as you looked up to see Minho leaning across Ari’s lap to speak to Chris.

You noticed the urgency at which he spoke and that his eyes flickered to you and back. Chris asked him something you couldn’t hear, and Minho nodded quickly before speaking again.

Whatever their conversation was about ended as soon as Lilah pulled away from you. “Ooh, what’s this?” Lilah asked upon noticing your new drink, clearly not remembering that she suggested you not get another.

Not giving you a chance to answer, she took it from you and took a sip. Her face scrunched up as she swallowed, handing your glass back to you before she gagged. “What the fuck is that?” She asked as you rolled your eyes.

“A Singapore sling,” you answered, raising the glass to take a sip. “Well it’s disgusting,” Lilah answered. Minho snorted, but it seemed only you heard him. “It’s not that bad, Li,” you answered softly.

“Yeah, we can’t all have the taste buds of a child,” Minho quipped. Lilah and Chris both turned to look at him. “You? Sticking up for Y/N?” Chris asked, looking shocked but amused while Lilah looked just plain shocked.

Minho snorted again in laughter. He held up his drink in a silent cheers, directed towards you. “More likely than you think,” Minho said to his friend before sending a wink in your direction. Your cheeks burned in embarrassment as he took a drink and both Lilah and Chris exchanged glances as you took a sip of your drink.

“What happened when I sent you to check on her?” Lilah asked, turning to look at Minho again as he lowered his glass. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.” Chris looked mildly amused and surprised at the direction the conversation had turned.

“What does that mean?” Lilah asked as you glanced over to the dance floor, trying to ignore the conversation unfolding next to you. An RnB song with heavy bass had started playing, so only couples were on the floor now.

“Y/N,” Lilah said, drawing your attention away from the dance floor. “Huh?”

“What exactly happened that took you so long that I had to send Minho to fetch you?” Lilah asked. Your stomach dropped. ‘Shit.’ You tried to feign a smile and lighthearted expression but could see Minho looking at you from behind Lilah. The scowl you had seen earlier before meeting back up with him was back.

“Oh, uh, I ran into Cheol,” you answered softly, looking down to pick at the hem of your, well actually Lilah’s, dress.

“Oh,” Lilah replied, her curious expression dropping and a blank look crossing her face.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Cheol,” Minho said softly, nodding along. “Oh, and Josh,” he added with venom in his voice. You glanced up to see he was looking out at the crowd with a sour expression.

Lilah laughed at the look on Minho’s face. “You look like he pissed in your cornflakes,” Chris said, nudging his friend with a laugh.

“What did he do to you?” Lilah asked, noticing his sour expression wasn’t going away.

Minho shook his head. “Not me,” he replied, eyes moving towards you.

He wondered what it was about Joshua that you loved so much that you shook your head as subtly as possible, clearly not wanting him to bring up what he’d witnessed. Something he’d sent guys to the ER for. Something he would gladly do to Joshua, given the chance.

It was then Minho realized Lilah was still waiting for him to speak. “Then who?” She asked. Minho inhaled and exhaled deeply before shaking his head, forcing a smile.

“Nothing,” he replied. “He’s just a prick.” He raised his glass to his lips and downed the rest of his drink.

‘A dead fucking prick if I catch him doing that again.’

You silently thanked him for not bringing it up as Lilah rolled her eyes.

“Oh, don’t be mean for no reason, Minho,” she said before turning to look at the dance floor. “I have my reasons,” Minho muttered, but Lilah didn’t seem to hear him as he stared into the bottom of his now empty cup.

A new song started playing, something more upbeat but still with a lot of bass. Lilah smiled, bouncing excitedly in her seat. “Y/N, you wanna dance?” she asked, looking at you with a smile. You looked up, eyes wide. “Uh… I don’t know Lilah,” you said softly.

But of course, she didn’t listen. Lilah never listened.

Instead, she took your drink from your hands and set it in front of Chris turning to face him. “Can you watch these for us, please?” She asked, bringing her hands together almost as if in prayer.

When Chris nodded, a fond smile on his face, Lilah thanked him and squealed with delight. “We’ll be right back,” she said before standing up and grabbing your hand. “Come on,” she said, pulling you out of the booth and towards the steps despite your blatant protests.

Once on the dance floor, nestled in the crowd, you finally let loose and danced with your best friend. She always knew how to cheer you up. One song turned into another, and soon, you were dancing to a third song. Lilah always brought out the best in you. She always knew how to have fun, no matter the circumstances.

You were holding her hand and dancing, swaying to the music when you felt two hands on your hips. You turned quickly and found yourself face to face with none other than Joshua.

“Miss me?” Your boyfriend asked softly, smiling when your surprised expression morphed into relief that it was him and not some creep.

“You weren’t there when I got back from the restroom,” you replied, pouting slightly.

'Oh god. Is that what alcohol did to you?'

You felt his hand cup your cheek and you leaned into his touch, your body following his lead.

“Sorry, baby,” he said, leaning in to whisper in your ear. “I had to take care of something,” he added. You pulled back, placing a hand on his chest and pushing him away a little. “Wait. No. I’m still mad at you,” you added, looking at him with a serious expression.

Joshua’s free hand came up to caress your other cheek. “I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he said, eyes flitting back and forth between yours. “Truly. I didn’t mean it.”

“Yeah, well, it really hurt,” you continued. He pulled you closer, closing the distance between your bodies. “I know, baby. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he replied.

Lilah moved to your side and looked between the two of you. “What do you mean you hurt her?” She asked, voice suddenly full of anger. “It was an accident,” Joshua said, turning to look at your best friend. “I didn’t mean to grab her so hard,” he added, gesturing to the red spot on your arm.

Upon seeing it, Lilah’s expression twisted into a scowl, and she reached between the two of you. “Hands off,” she snapped, trying to pull you away from Joshua and interject herself between the two of you.

“Lilah,” you started, but she cut you off. “No,” she said, pointing at you. “He doesn’t get to grab you so hard that he leaves a mark,” she said, nearly shouting the last part at Joshua, who glanced around nervously at the people around you.

A crowd was starting to form. “He doesn’t get to do that and then get off Scot free,” Lilah said angrily. “Lilah,” Joshua said, drawing her attention. “I know you mean well, but please stay out of my relationship with Y/N,” he continued.

“No,” Lilah snapped back. Joshua’s expression shifted from shock to anger. ‘Fuck,’ you mentally cursed. ‘This is not good.’

“Cheol pulled the exact same shit with me,” she spat, standing between you and Joshua. It had been a long time since you’d seen Lilah this angry, and you knew the alcohol wasn’t helping any.

“He’d grab me so hard that I’d bruise, and then he’d apologize, saying he’d never do it again,” Lilah continued as Joshua tried to interrupt. “I’ve seen plenty of bruises on Y/N’s arms to know the signs,” she argued.

You glanced around and noticed Minho and Chris had gotten up. The black-haired newcomer had also gotten up and was watching the scene from the railing. Minho tapped him on the shoulder and nodded. The newcomer stood up straight and followed.

‘Shit.’ You turned back to Lilah.

“Come on,” you said, trying to pull her away from Joshua. “Let’s not do this here.”

“Just because your relationship failed does not mean you need to involve yourself in mine,” Joshua snapped back angrily. “Oh, shut the fuck up, Joshua Hong. You think you’re so high and mighty,” Lilah spat back. You rushed between your best friend and boyfriend, using your body to block them from each other.

“Lilah, don’t do this here,” you pleaded, gently pushing your friend back and trying to break up the escalating fight before anyone got in trouble or seriously hurt. It was not above Lilah to start a physical fight when she was drunk and upset.

“No!” She shouted. “I’m so sick of this shit! He’s just like Cheol! He thinks he’s so goddamn untouch—!”

“Lilah,” Chris said, his hands gently grabbing her around the waist. “I think you promised that you and Y/N would go get pancakes with us,” he said in her ear. “We should go do that,” he added.

Minho, who now stood between you and Lilah, chimed in. “Yeah,” he added. “I think pancakes sound good right now, don’t you, Y/N?” Upon hearing your name, you glanced at him, confusion was written on your face.

As far as you could remember, neither you nor Lilah promised to get pancakes with them. Minho gave you a very pointed look. ‘Oh!’ You understood quickly and played along.

“They’re right,” you said, looking at Lilah. “We did promise”

Joshua stepped forward, moving to grab your hand, but a hand shot out, grabbing Joshua’s wrist. You glanced at the person standing on the other side of you. The man with the black hair and tattoos.

The same one you couldn’t help but stare at earlier and was knocked into outside the bathrooms.

“A promise is a promise,” he said, fixing Joshua with a calm stare. Joshua pulled from his grip. “Don’t touch me,” he snapped. The man held his hands up to show he wasn’t a threat. “My apologies. I just don’t like seeing guys mistreat their partners,” he said, making Joshua round on him furiously.

“Excuse me?” Joshua asked, fixing the man with a bewildered stare.

“Who the fuck are you to accuse me-?” The man cut him off.

“Not accusing,” he said simply. “I’m just saying what I saw.”

Joshua scoffed and chose to ignore what the dark-haired man said. “Yeah, whatever.”

“Y/N,” you heard your boyfriend call your name, attention turning to focus on him as he spoke. “Come on,” he continued. “I’ll walk you home.” You hesitated. ‘Should I really go with him? He’s pretty upset…’

You must have taken too long for his liking because Joshua called your name again. The tone of his voice didn’t sit right with you, so you shook your head. “I think you should take time to cool down,” you finally answered.

‘Fucking finally,’ Minho thought as he looked up from your face to Joshua’s. He had to say he was impressed with your defiance when all he’s ever heard is how obedient you usually were. Could it be the alcohol? Or had you finally had enough of Joshua’s shit?

“Don’t worry mate,” Chris said, the Aussie in him jumping out. “We’ll make sure she gets home safely,” he added, arms around Lilah as he kept her from lashing out at Joshua.

If Joshua was angry before, it was nothing compared to how pissed he was now.

“As if I'd trust any of you,” Joshua said with a scoff.

“I’d trust us more than I’d trust you right now,” Minho said with a shrug. Joshua glared at him, his anger building. The smug grin on Minho’s face wasn’t helping to quell his fury.

Before Joshua could answer, you spoke up, your voice broke through his concentration. “I’ll let you know when I get home,” you promised, no doubt hoping it would be enough of a solution, but Joshua shook his head.

“No,” he protested. “But I really want to get pancakes,” you continued.

“Then I’ll take you to get some,” Joshua replied, taking a step forward. You shook your head. “Another time,” you heard Minho say as he rested his arm over your shoulders. “Don’t worry, Joshy. She’ll be fine with us,” he added.

Joshua’s fist clenched tightly at how too cozy Minho looked with his arm around your shoulders. He’d punched men for lesser things.

“No,” he refused again. “Y/N,” he said, looking from Minho to you. “Come here, now.”

Now it was both you and Minho who didn’t like his tone.

“She’s not some dog you can command,” Minho spat, taking a step forward, but the dark-haired man stopped him. You decided to speak up.

“I’ll see you on Sunday, babe,” you said, reminding him that even if you went to eat pancakes with Lilah’s friends, he was still your man.

He glared at Minho. “If you try anything,” he warned. Minho rolled his eyes. “As if,” he said with a snort. “Don’t worry, Hong. Your precious little princess is safe with us,” Minho added. Chris began leading Lilah away from the group and towards the exit.

Minho’s arm over your shoulders pulled you back, and he wordlessly guided you away from Joshua and towards the exit as well. You glanced back at your boyfriend, and you could see he was more than upset.

He was outright furious.

The air outside the building was cooler than when you entered, and it felt nice after being in a crowded club with such an intense and heated situation. You walked silently beside Minho as you followed Chris and Lilah.

“Wait, are we actually getting pancakes or was that a cover?” You finally asked. “I mean,” Minho started.

“I wouldn’t say no to breakfast right now. There’s that 24 hour place by our apartment,” he added, looking towards Chris.

Chris had stopped walking and was still supporting Lilah’s weight. She was very intoxicated, the drinks she’d consumed finally catching up to her. The almost-fight and her anger probably didn’t help. Knowing her, you felt she would barely make it home before passing out.

“I’d love some breakfast too, but I think this one might be a little too far gone to make it there,” Chris said, nodding at Lilah, who was currently humming, eyes shut as she swayed to music only she could hear. You took a step forward.

“I’ll take her home,” you offered, moving to help support Lilah. “You sure?” Chris asked, looking at you as you took Lilah’s arm and pulled it over your shoulders, your arm going around her waist.

“Yeah. If you guys wanna go get breakfast, I can take her home,” you replied.

“What about you?” The dark-haired man said suddenly, prompting you to turn and look at him. All eyes were on him.

“What about me?” You asked.

“I think what Changbin means,” Minho started, eyes looking at the dark-haired man. ‘So his name is Changbin.’

“Is how will you get home?” Minho continued, turning his gaze to look at you. Shrugging, you looked back at him. “I’ll just walk,” you replied. “My place isn’t that far from Lilah’s.”

“And if your boyfriend is waiting for you at your place?” Changbin suddenly asked. Your eyes fell on him again, confused but also surprised. ‘Why is he being so… protective?’

“Then I’ll just—” you started but Minho cut you off. “I’ll walk you home.” Your gaze fell on him, now properly shocked. ‘Who is this? ‘Cause it’s definitely not the Minho I know.’

“Then I’ll take Lilah home,” Chris said, taking Lilah from you. “That way, you get home much faster,” he added. “But what about your breakfast?” You asked, eyebrow arching. “Eh, we can always get it some other time,” Chris said, shaking his head.

“I’d feel a lot better if I knew you got home safe,” he continued, starting to lead Lilah in the direction of her apartment.

“Wait,” you said quickly, running after them, pulling your things from Lilah’s bag and handing it to Chris. “I almost forgot I had her stuff,” you admitted. Chris took the bag and thanked you.

“We’ll get breakfast another time, I promise!” He called as he continued to walk, leaving you, Minho, and Changbin alone on the sidewalk.

Changbin looked down, checking his watch. “I gotta go,” he said quietly. “I promised Hana I’d be back to pick her up,” he added. Minho nodded before gesturing him off.

“Go ahead, tell Ari I’m sorry,” he said. Changbin nodded.

“I’ll explain everything,” he replied as he walked backwards a few steps. “I’ll walk Y/N home,” Minho said to which you shook your head in protest.

“I’m fine, really,” you replied.

“I can walk myself home.”

Minho rolled his eyes and waved Changbin off before walking towards you, gently grabbing your arm and turning you in the opposite direction.

“Where do you live?” He asked as you walked together. “Just a couple blocks west of Lilah’s apartment,” you replied. Minho nodded, pulling you along.

“Let’s get going then,” he added.

You glanced back as Changbin walked in the opposite direction, back towards the club and disappeared around the corner but not before throwing one final look your way with an expression you couldn’t read.

You and Minho were left in the empty street alone, walking down the sidewalk toward your apartment. Silence fell between you as you walked and you wondered if you should say anything to break the tension.

This was the third time he’d gone out of his way to do something nice for you and you felt you should at least acknowledge that so he didn’t try and use it against you later.

“Thank you,” you finally said softly, not noticing the way Minho looked at you. “For what?” He asked after a beat of silence.

You took a deep breath. “For back at the club. You didn’t have to intervene, you know,” you continued. “Joshua is always like that. He doesn’t pay attention to his own strength.” Minho scoffed. “I’m probably just as strong as him and I’ve never once grabbed anyone hard enough to bruise them, Y/N,” he continued.

“That’s not normal,” he added. “And you shouldn’t have to put up with it.”

You glanced up at him. “It’s not that big of a deal,” you muttered. Minho stopped, pulling a hand from his pocket to grab your arm carefully.

“Stop making excuses for him, Y/N. I told you before he’s a pompous asshole and I’m not taking it back.” You glanced down to where his hand was still on your upper arm. It was a right contrast from the way Joshua had grabbed you earlier.

“If someone loves you, and I mean truly loves you, they don’t hurt you like that,” he continued, his hand dropping from your arm. You said nothing, only nodding slowly. When he realized you weren’t going to speak, Minho let out a sigh shoving his hand back into his pockets.

“Come on,” he said quietly, nodding his head in the direction of your apartment and continuing down the road. You followed behind him, not even noticing how he glanced back at you, a small fond smile on his face.

‘If she wasn’t so up Hong’s ass… maybe then.’ He shook the thought from his head as you struggled to keep up with his long strides. It was almost cute. ‘In another lifetime,’ Minho thought as he glanced skyward briefly.

You must have regretted not bringing a jacket now that the sun had gone down and the temperature had dropped. As you brought your hand up and rubbed your arm, quickly following Minho down the street, he stopped and sighed. ‘Why does she have to be so helpless?’ He wondered, unzipping and removing his jacket.

“Here,” he called out, holding his jacket towards you.

You glanced from him to the jacket and back.

“Just take it before I change my mind,” he continued. You took it carefully from him and pulled it on. “Thanks,” you muttered, zipping it up. Minho said nothing, only humming in response as the two of you continued down the street, silence falling over you once more.

The moon had begun to rise over the tops of the trees, casting a silvery light over everything.

You glanced up, eyes taking in the few stars you could see in the inky midnight blue sky. You were so preoccupied with looking at the stars that you ran into Minho’s body, colliding with him and a loud ‘oof’ leaving your lungs. Minho chuckled, looking at you as he stood still. “You know,” he said softly, turning to face you fully.

“You really should watch where you’re going,” he continued, a smirk starting to appear. You rolled your eyes, thankful for the dark which concealed the way your cheeks burned.

“It’s not like I was expecting you to just stop like that,” you murmured.

“What were you looking at, anyway?” Minho asked, ignoring your words to look towards the sky.

“The stars,” you answered simply, glancing from his face to the shimmering white dots in the blackness of the night sky. Minho’s eyes fell to your face as you stared skyward.

“The stars?” He asked, the smirk on his face growing. You nodded. “The further from the downtown area we get,” you explained softly.

“The brighter they shine.” Minho’s gaze softened slightly as he watched you.

“Alright Galileo,” he sighed loudly, making you tear your eyes from the stars.

“I said I’d walk you home but if I had known it was going to take three hundred years, I never would have offered,” he groaned teasingly, turning to start down the sidewalk before glancing back at you, the mischievous grin back on his face. You hurried after him, following his path down the sidewalk.

Before long, your building came into sight as the two of you headed to the door. Upon reaching the steps, you turned and removed Minho’s jacket and handed it back to him.

“Thank you for letting me use it,” you said as you held it out for him to take. He gave you a rare warm smile as he took it. “I’d never hear the end of it if I’d let you freeze,” you heard him say as he pulled his jacket back on. “Hey, at least it’s warm,” he mused.

“Thank you again for this,” you continued, ignoring his remarks. “You really didn’t have to walk me home, but I appreciate the gesture all the same,” you added. Minho gave you another rare smile. “Meh, don’t get used to it, princess,” he countered. “I don’t exactly like you,” he reminded you.

“But I absolutely loathe Joshua Hong.”

You rolled your eyes. Whatever beef the two of them had was none of your business so you didn’t care about what he thought of your boyfriend. “Goodnight Minho,” you replied as you turned to head up the small staircase to your front door and unlocked it with your keycard, giving Minho a tiny wave before letting the door shut slowly behind you.

Once upstairs and inside the safety of your apartment, you started to undress, sliding out of your, well Lilah’s, dress and letting it fall to the floor.

You moved into your bedroom area and grabbed a clean sleep shirt, pulling it on over your head and letting the material fall to your hips before moving to climb into your oversized queen bed, practically diving under the covers and pulling them up to your chin.

Your eyes slid shut before you even had time to register your exhaustion and soon the room was filled with the sounds of your snores as you drifted deeper into slumber.

[bekaroth-reads]

Hiii! I love your content sm especially the last Lucas baker fic :3

I’m wondering if you’d do any yandere Lucas baker headcannons, or a Lucas baker headcannons w a plus-size reader. If not all good and I hope you have a great day,Thankyou !

[Thanks for the ask! I’m having fun writing for Lucas again. However, I will be putting a disclaimer that I’ve started putting on a lot of works that have a yandere element to them. I’ll try not to get too heavy with it, but personal experiences make me feel more comfortable with one at the start of yandere stuff I make. I hope you don’t mind :) ]

Warning/ disclaimer: This piece of fan fiction involves the idea of a yandere character. When I write yandere, it is for the express purpose of horror that can come from forced relationships or ones that have unhealthy elements related to the general ideas of obsession that come with such writing. If someone is treating this way, or you have struggles with viewing people in this manner yourself, I encourage you to seek the proper help you need, whatever that might be in your situation.

To start the HC’s proper, sorry for being wordy

I feel that on the off chance that he might have known you before the mold and Eveline, he most likely wouldn’t have had the obsessive tendencies, at least not to the extent of being considered a yandere.

Also that the thing that made him get that obsessed with you no matter when of how you met was the influence of Eveline and the effects of the mold. She saw you and thought that Lucas needed to be dating someone because that’s just how she wanted to play house.

There’s also the fact that the game’s extra modes/levels do indicate that Lucas is a closeted pervert, Zoe claiming he was being a creep while she was doing yoga (though he claims he wasn’t), and the mold seems to exaggerate the worst in people. I don’t think it would take much for him to get pushed to this level of obsession, especially if he would have been attracted to you in the first place.

With that said though, I don’t think he would ever take things too far, at least as far as being physically invasive. When he’s under the control of Eveline, it’s basically like her chunking the Bakers and Mia around like a pack of GI Joes. So, I don’t think she as a nine-ish-year-old would even know anything past, “Ew, they’re kissing!”

And, after his head’s been cleared from the mold he would be in charge of his faculties that he wouldn’t push things too far. He might be a bit of a perv, but not criminally so.

That being said, he will push his luck as far as he can. After all, Eveline is watching, and you have to be convincing for her, right?

When he was under the mold, he was clingy mostly because that’s how he was supposed to be. You can’t go anywhere because that’s how things are supposed to be done. Jack was in the house, Marguerite was in the old house and he and he was in the barn- with you of course.

Again, he wouldn’t force anything on you, but he could get awfully handsy while hinting that Evie would probably love to have a cousin *wink* *wink*

Strange as it sounds, he gets worse after he’s back to normal. Well, more normal than he was.

I really think that he would risk outing himself as healed in order to get you out of the Bakers’ house. While this may seem caring, and to a point it is, but you have become something of a crutch for him now.

His relationship with his family as well as everyone else, now that he had someone that he felt attached to he was going to be obsessed quickly.

Now that you were out, you were going to stay where he could see you, or, in the times where he HAD to be somewhere else, you would be locked somewhere that nothing else could get into nor you get out of.

He’ll get a little more quiet than he was when he was under the mold, but much more possessive. Not as openly flirtatiously handsy, and more protectively holding you to keep you away from anything that he didn’t deem fit for you, which was almost everything that’s wasn’t him.

He is very- very- emotionally manipulative person. Especially if you are a plus size person. If he ever thinks that you’re getting too bold and might be getting ideas of leaving him, he will say the nastiest things to try to break down your self worth

And, the second that he feels he’s achieved that, it’s immediate love bombing mixed with gaslighting, like, “Aw, babe, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry I took that joke too far,” or, “I got ya away from the mold, right? Why would I ever hurt you on purpose.”

Speaking of hurting you, he won’t do anything too drastic like how the other Bakers would chop off hands, chase with axes, ect. But, he most certainly isn’t above chasing you and tackling you to the ground if he needs to. Also will, “playfully,” remind you with a pinch, arm twist, or blocking you onto a wall that he is more than strong enough to actually hurt you if he ever decided to especially after gaining some perks from the mold infection.

If you weren’t out of Evelin’s hold (hypnotized or not), he certainly makes sure you’re out when Ethan gets there; there’s no tell what Evie might try to change about her family, what Ethan might do, what you might decide to do- basically there’s too many possibilities for him to risk having you around anyone else.

Would keep you in his little lab in the mines at first so that he can keep up his guise and sill go to check on you easily, but once Ethan really starts to make headway through his quest for Mia, you will get moved to the research center proper.

If any of his associates want to complain about it: first of all they would have had to actually have caught him sneaking you in; something that would be rare as he is a top class sneak. Second, they will have to deal with it because he is one of their top researchers and their only personal contact to the whole mold situation, so they either let him keep in an office, or they don’t get him anymore.

While some of the people, questionable as the company might be, might think he’s going a bit too far with how he treats you, they still wouldn’t likely try to help you as even if things are a bit hyperbolic, he does still have a reputation of being a crazed hillbilly, no matter how smart he is.

On some more positive notes

He does really care about you in his own twisted way, and if there were something different where none of the mold nonsense happened, then you two might have been able to have an actual relationships. There would still be plenty for you both to work out, but it would have been possible.

If you manage to make it through all of what you’ve been put through, in a less ideal, but still not the worse situation, some of those researchers would take you with them when they abandoned the project. After all, you did have contact with their field of study, so as long as you play along with whatever interviews and assorted tests they might want to run on you, you’ll have a somewhat more normal life after.

Best case scenario, though, you will get left behind and Chris and his team will find you as they are looking for Lucas (this would be upsetting to the mildew boy) and while there would still be interviews and some medical tests, they wouldn’t be as frequent and it would be to make sure that you were still healthy. Other than being put into witness protection, things will actually be like an actual life again.

Also if you are a plus sized reader, he actually isn’t bothered about body size in any ways, and finds you distinctly more soft and comforting compared to everything else in his life. Literally would melt onto you if he could.

It’s also something that you both get teased about because he is a beanpole and you’re literally opposites. Like almost in a comical way.

You have the opposite situation where he borrows your clothes and they’re baggy on him. You can try to put on his American girl doll sized clothes, but good luck getting them over your shoulders or hips. He would like to see you try though. Thinks it’s funny if you trip in your efforts.

[solomons-poison]

maybe obey me?

heartbreak angst?? “your leaving arent you” sorry if im being vague..

Heartbreak

A/N: You're totally fine with your request! I just want to make sure you get what you were looking for :) This is my first time writing angst without comfort, and tbh I haven't even really written angst aha.. These all feel a little wordy, especially Simeon's, but I hope you enjoy! This one kind of escaped me 😬 they're not very headcanon-like lol

Featuring: GN reader || Diavolo x reader, Barbatos x reader, Simeon x reader, Solomon x reader

Warnings: angst of course; breakups; mentions of falling in Simeon's part; mentions of death in Solomon's part

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Diavolo

You both should have known better from the start, but as they say, love is blind, and it certainly seemed to give you both blinders to the fate of your relationship.

The topic of the future of your relationship was not something you had discussed in detail with each other... or at all, really. One moment, you were the human world representative and he the Prince of the Devildom. And the next, he'd taken you on as his precious lover.

Sure, you'd had a small discussion of logistics regarding marriage with the brothers at one point, each of them expressing their desire to marry you and bring you into the family. Even Solomon had joined in on the discussion, clearly having fun regarding this debate topic and the advantage he'd have as a fellow human. Eventually, you all had come to the conclusion that, at this point in time, marriage wasn't yet feasible due to the newness of human and demon collaboration.

It wasn't that you two didn't understand this conclusion; after all, it was Diavolo that had pointed this out to the others. But perhaps in your eagerness to explore these feelings, it made you two ignore all the other details regarding this issue. That not only was a relationship between a human and a demon not viewed positively by most demons, but you were also dating their ruler, someone that lived by a completely different set of rules from others. Someone with expectations and priorities to meet, plus the possibility of needing the Demon King's approval as well.

And so, it should have only been natural and understandable what happened next, but the pain of it would still stay with you both forevermore.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" were the words Dia uttered to you one night while holding each other close. You hadn't yet mentioned your concerns to him, in fact you hadn't even finalized your decision on what you were going to do about it. But somehow, he still knew. Both of you sensed where things were going, even though you didn't want to admit it. You couldn't answer him that night, but you knew you'd have to eventually.

It was you that walked away first.

Maybe the honeymoon period of the relationship had worn off, or perhaps it finally hit you about the strange and even nasty looks other demons gave you when they saw you and Diavolo together. The whispers carried to both your and Diavolo's ears about the people's opinions. You didn't want to run away from the issue. But at one point, you realized that this wasn't something you two were meant to force.

Relations between humans and demons would grow eventually, if the exchange program and improved education had anything to do with it. But that change was still a long way off, and you owed it to yourself but also the ruler of the Devildom to cut things now, before any long-lasting damage was done.

You quickly and quietly sorted out a return to the Human World. It wasn't without protest from multiple parties, and surprisingly even Lucifer could not agree with your decision right away. But eventually everyone folded. You hadn't needed to mention your decision to Diavolo, either. He never questioned you again after that night, seemingly coming to a mutual understanding, and he permitted the portal entry without a word, seeing you off with some simple words of farewell.

Everyone else was uncomfortable with the situation but knew there wasn't much they could do to change your mind. They continued to visit you on rare occasion in the human world over time, providing their emotional support and distracting with silly antics. But no one could ignore the palpable tension in the air when you eventually decided to marry and Diavolo arrived to give his best wishes, a smile on his face but not in his eyes.

All you could do was remind yourself that you did what had to be done.

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Barbatos

Catching feelings was never on Barbatos' agenda. Not that he was some cold, unfeeling robot, incapable of emotions. But he'd spent so many years at Diavolo's side, essentially "tamed" after all that time, always busy attending to the needs of the kingdom and the Prince, he didn't have time to entertain the thought of a relationship.

But upon you entering his life, his concept of his wants and needs completely flipped upside down. You did have to fight hard for his affections to start, but once he came to terms with how he felt, it was like something switched in him and the floodgates opened.

What was initially a business-like and cold demeanor, melted into a warm sweetness and a surprisingly playful personality. He would invite you for tea and sweets made specifically for you, even making baking dates on occasion; he was much more open in his mannerisms and jokes, and others would find him talking about you during casual conversation.

Diavolo was delighted, of course. Barbatos was extremely good at hiding his emotions, but his employer knew him long enough to see through it all. He loved witnessing his hard-working butler practically lovesick, his eyes always coming back to look at you during your visits to the castle, lingering a moment longer than usual during your meetings. Everyone else was just astonished by the effect you had on this stoic butler, and how you managed to bring out this seemingly new side to him.

However, the joy was not to last. Although your interactions were often limited to just within the castle, your few interactions in R.A.D. managed to catch the attention of a few students, leading to gossip and rumors about the strange influence of the human world exchange student.

At first it was just jokes regarding your ability to wrangle so many demons under your belt. But as time went on, the gossip became vicious, accusing you of purposefully trying to influence the Prince and interfere in Devildom matters. After all, if even you could get to the heart of the Prince's right hand man, what could stop you from getting involved with the Prince himself? Some commoner nobody that had no business getting involved?

Diavolo had warned before that the relationship between demons and humans was still a rocky one, but perhaps you hadn't fully understood the consequences when you chose to pursue Barbatos. And even Barbatos was guilty of wearing rose colored glasses as he came to know you and fall for you.

As the rumors only worsened, you both knew something would need to change, but perhaps you were a little more idealistic in your options than your lover, hoping for a choice that would please everyone.

But Barbatos had different priorities to consider, ones that were millenia in the making. And although he wanted to follow his heart, he yearned for it, his priority lay ultimately with the crown, and Barbatos was the first to walk away.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" you couldn't help but ask him finally. He had approached you at R.A.D. stating he needed to discuss an important matter with you, alone. You knew in your heart that if it was something school-related, he would make a formal meeting with the others involved. And the ever-spreading rumors regarding your "true intentions" certainly didn't bode well for a growing relationship, either.

Admittedly, your question threw him off, but the following silence was enough of an answer for you. In the end, your breakup was mutual, after he laid out his concerns and provided his evidence for his decision. But it didn't fix the gaping void left in both your hearts afterwards, and try as he might, the effect on Barbatos was clear as day. No one could find a way to refute your mutual decision, and you remained one of Barbatos' biggest regrets for all the wrong reasons.

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Simeon

Falling in love with you is as unexpected for you as it is for Simeon. He convinced himself that he felt the same for all humans, including you, though he believed every human unique and a special individual. But every interaction with you had him falling further and further into the rabbit's hole well before he even knew what was happening.

By the time he understood his feelings, he was tightly wound around your little finger, always eager for your attention and your love, and you were happy to give it to him. And although the others, particularly the brothers, were a little upset about your choice in partner, they were still happy for you two and felt it was a sweet match.

That's why everything seemed picture perfect, to start. You two went on dates, learned more about each other's respective Worlds, baked together, and you encouraged his creativity in his writing. He helped you grow and learn, but it wasn't one-sided; Simeon definitely changed as well, becoming more open to his own feelings and desires. You two were the picture perfect couple, in everyone's eyes.

But something nagged at the back of your mind, your gut telling you that something wasn't quite right. You did your best to ignore it, though, as Simeon really did seem to be the ideal boyfriend, attentive to your wants and needs, thoughtful and considerate and the very definition of an angel. You did your best to reciprocate and things seemed to be going smoothly for a while.

It wasn't until you spotted a feather on Simeon's bed one day, pure white at the base but noticeably darkened at the tip with a black you could only attribute to Lucifer's wings, that you realized your hunch was correct. Something, someone was causing Simeon to fall. And you just knew that you were the cause.

You didn't want to jump to conclusions, but it was difficult bringing up the concept of a fallen angel without making it obvious you were concerned for Simeon. And little by little, your suspicions were confirmed as you witnessed his behavior changing, his sins floating up to the surface more and more often and the occasional fallen feather measuring how much further he'd fallen.

You weren't even sure how to bring it up to him. Sweet, smart Simeon would do his best to either rationalize what was happening, or even worse, try to put the blame on himself instead of you, and any debate with Simeon was difficult to win. Time and time again, you considered how to broach the subject, but in the end, you couldn't do it right. You could only hope that leaving him would correct things, save him from this devastating experience.

The distance between you two started to grow, slowly at first, but Simeon eventually noticed the way you were slipping from his grasp. It wasn't long before others began to catch on as well, particularly Lucifer and Luke, noting the awkward air that formed between the two former lovebirds. However, conversations trying to investigate died on their lips, unable to make you answer, and you had none to give them anyway.

Simeon did his best to try to repair what was breaking, but it only seemed to push you further away each time, leaving him utterly lost. At least if you yelled at him, screamed, even hit him, it would be better than the utter nothing he was left with. But you couldn't bring yourself to say the words you needed to, the true reason for why you were drifting from him.

Simeon knew something was wrong, but he feared your answer more than anything, or rather the rejection he knew was coming, so he did his best to pretend even though he knew that was wrong. The right thing would be to confront you, be open about his worries and his desires, ensure you know that he would never blame you for anything that would come of this relationship, but he seemed to lose his words when he saw you.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" was uttered through his lips finally, one evening, but they fell upon no one's ears but his own.

Eventually, you were the first to walk away. When you did finally voice your decision to end things, he knew it didn't make sense, but he respected your agency enough not to question your feelings. It wasn't until years later he discovered the truth of it, but he never blamed you for it, although his heart ached just a little bit more, never having forgotten your love.

══════════════════

Solomon

Solomon never intended to get this involved with you. He was simply intrigued by you, a human world exchange student that he later found out to be an incredibly powerful sorcerer that also managed to attract the attention of several high-ranking demons.

You were a fascinating person, a once-in-a-lifetime individual that he couldn't help but want to get to know better, to get closer to as time went on and be your guide. He couldn't help but be attracted to you, even more so than he thought, and that's what led to the greatest dilemma he's dealt with in ages.

Solomon avoided making close relationships with normal humans after repeat incidents of outliving them every single time. There was a reason he dealt with mostly demons and witches now, people that were a bit hardier that he wouldn't have to say goodbye to so soon.

But with you, he couldn't help himself. You were like a siren, calling him closer and closer with your sweet song, until he was totally ensnared. And it wasn't long before he realized what these feelings were, the tight feeling around his heart and the way his eyes could never leave you when you were in the room.

He knew he'd come to regret this, he always did, but his brain and his heart battled long and hard about how to deal with this. For a while, he let himself indulge in your presence, and the fantasy that he could have a normal life with you, move in together, get married, maybe found a new magical society together.

But as time passed, celebrating multiple birthdays together, and he started to notice physical signs of aging, gray showing in your hair roots and wrinkles developing at the corners of your eyes, it scared him about what was coming. Of course, he spent ages looking into ways to elongate a human's life, like what had happened to him. But he didn't even know how to broach that subject with you even if he had found a way.

What if you declined? Would you two try to settle for what time you had left, together, watching you slowly die as he remains unchanged? Could his heart even take that?

Or what if you accepted, but came to hate everlasting life like he did? What if you became immortal, but the never-ending years made the world bleak and gray for you, too? And you lost the light in your eyes? He would never forgive himself for that.

So he did the next best thing he could think of, and decided to not even give you the choice. Of course, it was easier said than done, but he couldn't figure out another way around it. He became more distant, less intimate with you, building up his walls again that you'd spent ages breaking down to begin with. At first you didn't quite catch on, but the more it happened, the more it dawned on you what was happening, although you couldn't place why.

"You're leaving, aren't you?"

He knew the question was coming, and he hated himself for how second-nature it was to feign a smile for you. You both knew the feelings you had for each other, but Solomon hid his worries and true reason for leaving in his heart, far away from you.

He was the one that stepped away.

He'll play it off as a loss of interest, that for an immortal like him, it was inevitable that he'd fall out of love at some point and to not take it personally. You knew this was bullshit, however, but couldn't find a way to get to the bottom of it. It was a very rough breakup, one that confused and saddened everyone else that had been watching you two get together, these two magical peas in a pod, inseparable and complementary to the other.

Asmodeus was ready to give Solomon hell for you, he was the most worried one of the bunch, and Barbatos knew too that something was off. But they couldn't do much as you refused. In the end, Solomon never confided his true reason for leaving, but you just knew it wasn't as cut and dry as he made it out to be.

[elysianstars]

The thing about long term Rafalear is, they're a married couple who never actually gets married. Alear puts the idea forward, and Rafal's reply is, you require a second event in which you present me with a ring and vow to never leave my side, yet this time with a gaggle of onlookers? I fail to see how this is necessary. Like yeah, the deal's already sealed, you're never getting rid of me, what do we get out of a wedding besides cake.

However, they do call each other 'husband'. That was started half-accidentally by Alear, because he needed a less vague word than 'partner' to refer to Rafal, and 'my chosen life partner whom I have bestowed the Pact Ring upon and am also in a romantic relationship with' was too wordy. 'Other half' doesn't work, because that's how Rafal refers to his cherished siblings. 'Boyfriend' is too casual, and sounds a little out of place for a fantasy realm? Especially for Rafal, who has that particular archaic manner of speech. 'Consort' also got a veto from Rafal (as always, he's much better at creating problems than solving them).

So one day Alear is getting pestered over Divine Dragon Monarch business, and he tells the ambassadors/courtiers/priests/whoever, Sorry, I'm not available at that time, I have plans with my...husband? My husband! Because that sounds official enough to placate them, right? But it gradually spreads around until everyone refers to Rafal that way, and Rafal himself hears about it.

Then he tracks Alear down, and is all, Would you care to explain this?

Sorry, does it bother you? I didn't think it would get taken up so widely.

I said no such thing. Since you are responsible for starting this belief, you cannot retreat from it now.

Like yeah, I'm your damn husband then, deal with it. And so they just carry on like that forever. The unique couple dynamic of being two semi-immortal dragon gods who are both really weird in very different ways.

[melancholysway]

Hello! So I saw TMNT 2007!Raph x GN!Reader: The Confession, and it got my brain pumping, Could I request an Angsty Unrequited 2007!Leo x GN!Reader, where Leo has a crush on Reader, that he didn't acknowledge or think too much about, and he only realises the full depth of it when he left (absence makes the heart grow stronger) but does comes to accepts it as a truth and plans to grow closer to them and pursue his feelings when he returns, only to find out Reader is dating Raph, they're a perfect pair and are so happy together, and Leo isn't sure how to respond but it sure hurts.

This can be as Long or short/formatted as you like, sorry if this is extremely wordy, thanks for reading!

Omg omg I’m so excited for this one!?!?!? btw, this is over 4,000 words long, so I hope this isn't too much! this was a great request and I wrote the entire thing just now lol

I hope you enjoy!

TMNT 2007!Leo x Reader: Unrequited

(also a 2007 Raph x reader, BUT ITS NOT A POLY FIC!)

Chapter key:

~ = time skip

--- followed by italic text = flashback happening

--- followed by normal text = flashback ending

+++ - scene change (minor time skip)

________________________________________-

It started small, very small

Because you’re just a person to him in the beginning, a sorry sucker that got dragged into the depths of a New York City robbery in a small convenience store. 

You get out (kind of,) but it lands you being chased by the big guy who decided to point the gun at the cashier who noticed you left when he ordered everyone to stay put

But you’d rather run than get shot, so, there’s that. 

Thus, you unknowingly run into an unknown savior of the city you resided in, and though you thought you’d die a sorry death in the back alley of a street you couldn’t recall the name of, you’re saved. 

You thank your savior, to which, he with a slightly raspy yet calm tone answers you from the shadows. 

“You’re welcome.” 

And that’s it. But, who was he?

“Um…I’m not exactly sure where I ran to, do you happen to know which street I’m on?” You didn’t know Manhattan like the back of your hand at all. Not only that, but you were just…running. Though the city never sleeps, fate just so happened to make this new area you came to empty. This side was asleep. It had to be the gentrified area of Manhattan, huh?

And that’s how you meet Leonardo. Sort of. He gives you directions to your apartment complex, but you didn’t feel safe going alone. 

So, when he steps out of the darkness, he’s covered in a brown hooded cloak where you can’t see his body shape or face. 

He takes you home like that. But oh, here goes fate once again, and there goes this sudden gust of wind that catches him off guard, and his face is revealed. 

He’s a…

“Turtle. Mutant turtle.” 

And THAT’S how you meet Leonardo. He’s surprised at how well you take it, but, in all honesty, you really could use a friend in this crazy city you just moved to not too long ago.

Time goes on, his brother (Mikey) gets nosy as to why he sometimes goes solo during patrol going a direction, not in their usual route, and follows him quietly (kind of, he falls a couple of times, but meows so his older brother thinks it’s just a clumsy cat)

He watches as Leonardo stops on a fire escape and knocks on the window, the light from inside getting more intense as the window is opened, revealing why Leo goes off on his own sometimes

He watches as you rub your eyes, slightly tired as you greet his brother, only to be a little startled as another turtle…mutant turtle, lands right beside him

“Dude! Another human!? Hey!” 

And THAT’S how you meet Michelangelo. 

Word goes around, Mikey just can’t keep his mouth shut, plus, he accidentally set off the emergency button on his T-Phone, so Raphael and Donatello are tracking him together. Suddenly, two more mutant turtles are at your fire escape. 

“Ya jokin’ right? THIS is tha emergency?” Piercing golden eyes engulfed by a red bandana look you up and down confused, then back at Mikey. You’re the threat? 

“Mikey…are you harassing another human again?” A purple-banded turtle, who appears to look identical to Mikey, begins apologizing on his baby brother's behalf.

And THAT’S how you meet Raphael and Donatello

After inviting Leo and his brothers inside your apartment, you introduce yourself properly. Donnie takes it well, and Raph is always the warier one. But, he trusts his older brother. With his life, even. So, if he trusted you, Raphael felt obligated to do the same. 

Plus, he thought you were cute. 

Come to think of it, Leo also thought that, too. 

And thus, begins Leonardo’s small crush on you. 

It’s platonic. At least, that’s what he tells himself. He doesn’t act on it, and you show no signs of having a crush on him, so, why risk it?

You progressively become closer with Leonardo’s brothers, and soon- after knowing them for almost two months- they introduce you to their sensei. 

He loves you, by the way. How accepting you are, how sweet you are to his sons, and he can sense the hidden affection his eldest son has for you.

Time goes on, but time is a thief- waiting for an opportunity to steal the happiness of those who take it for granted. 

~

To: Y/n

I miss you. A lot, actually. I didn’t think I would miss you and my family so much, but, I do. 

Sometimes when I’m sitting in this dark cave, I feel like you’re going to run up behind me and try to scare me like you always did when I was around. I always knew you were there, but sometimes I would fake it just to see you smile. You pouted whenever I told you that you didn’t startle me. 

My training period is almost up, but I don’t feel any different than when I first landed. Are 3 months really enough to turn me into a better version of myself?

Anyway, I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re keeping the others in line, lol. Donnie is easily overwhelmed, and I know Mikey and Raph together are nothing but trouble. 

~ L

That was the first letter you had gotten from Leo where he showed his feelings towards you. The very first letter was much more lighthearted with an exciting tone to it, and you could hear Leo’s voice in your head while you read it. 

You begin a collection of all the letters Leo has sent you so far in a blue folder. To look back on them when you miss him. 

It’s almost been 3 months already. That’s how long Splinter made Leo’s training period. But, he was doubting himself and venting to you through this letter. Was it enough for him? No, Leo’s a perfectionist. That’s not a lot of time for him. 

So, you wait, wondering just how long Leo is planning to potentially stay in South America. 

Back in the city, everything is doing fine. Sure, the 3 remaining turtles miss Leo, but he’s supposed to be coming back. As long as he keeps sending his letters to them, they’ll know that he’s safe and alive. The jungle is a dangerous place, and who knows what types of threats Leo is facing over there? 

You come around the Lair more to spend some time with Leo’s brothers while he’s gone. Raphael seems to be the most stoic about his absence, and upset about the fact that they can’t go up to the surface and fight crime. Mikey does his own thing, and for some reason, wanted to do something crazy and get a job. You had no idea how he was going to pull it off, but you were excited to see the outcome. Donatello is keeping both of them in line while trying to fix things in his free time. He starts to tell Mikey to break the toaster as Leo did so he has something to fix weekly. Yes, Leo broke the toaster weekly. 

You were already close with Leo’s brothers, but now? You found yourself gravitating towards Raphael. The topic of Leo was on his mind, and he worried. He always did, even if he tried to hide it. Though his expression was always a straight face when it came to his older brother, on the inside, he cared. He cared so much. 

And as 3 months come to a close, Leonardo isn’t back. 

To: Y/n

I tried to write this particular letter so many times. Especially to you and Raph. I know it’ll be a lot for you. 

I’m staying here. I can’t go back yet, not when I have so much more to work on. 

I’ve already discussed with Splinter back and forth with these letters, and he thought it would be best if I wrote to you and the others in the next letter I sent. 

I keep everyone’s letters. I try to keep track of the conversations we’re having. Right now, I’m having a debate with Mikey over whether the Earth is flat or not. Spoiler: It can’t. Ask Donny.

So, I guess I can ask you as well for a third opinion, do you think the Earth is flat? I mean, the Earth turns, does it not? Is that not some indication of time passing? Time passes as the world turns. Time goes on, right?

I want to keep this as light-hearted as possible, but for some reason, it’s hard to write this letter to you. I don’t want to bombard you with my feelings, but I can’t help but wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you. I’m not sure what that entails, but you are such a great friend to me, that I’m forever grateful for you. 

Just a few more months. That’s it. Just a few more months and I’ll be finished. I want to come home and see you and the others again. I’ll be a better me in that time. Swear it. 

~ L

He swore it. 

He swore to you he would be back in a few more months.

When this round of letters comes to the Lair, Raphael is livid. 

Livid because, well, he doesn’t take promises lightly. Leo promised he would come back in a few months in his letter. But Raphael was more upset that he wasn’t coming back after these 3 months. And even MORE upset about the fact that just because Leo is gone, doesn’t mean crime left with him. If anything, it’s at an all-time high. He can’t keep sitting here and watching it all happen on the news, either. 

“It’ll be a few more months, okay Mikey?” Donnie tries to soothe his baby brother, as Mikey was visibly hurt by the news. He wanted his older brother back. Now. 

“Don’t give Mikey false hope, Don.” Raph glares at the brown-eyed turtle, “It ain’t good fa him. Mikey, Leo ain’t comin’ back right now, God knows when he is, alright?” 

That’s what Mikey needed to hear, according to Raph. He didn’t want to sugarcoat anything for Mikey. Hell, he was never good at sugarcoating anything for that matter. 

~

 It’s been almost a year. Almost a year without Leonardo. A year without your best friend, and a year without the person you cared for immensely. 

You and Raphael get closer during this time. He’s the only turtle that rebels against Splinter and begins to stop crime on his own, and you appreciate him for it. You tell him that one day before you leave the Lair. 

---

So as Raphael sits up from his position on the couch, he can’t help but smirk at you. 

And good God, that smirk got you hooked. 

By this point, the city had created a vigilante name for him: The Nightwatcher. You remember seeing a news article online in which the title photo had been a blurry shot of the vigilante, which was just Raphael in metal armor. Though the rest of the family was oblivious to this, you sure weren’t. Mikey becomes a Nightwatcher fangirl, and Donnie becomes a Nightwatcher hater. 

“Wanna take Betsy out wit me tonight?” Raphael asks as he stands at your fire escape. Funny, he always gets deja vu when he stands there, it reminds him of when he first met you. How he was standoffish at first, but he found out that you weren’t so bad after all. 

“You think Betsy can handle two crazies on her back this time?” You joke, looking down your fire escape and onto the street, seeing sleek and shiny ruby Betsy parallel parked in between two ivory Hyundais. 

The last time you went on a bike ride with Raph, Betsy- the name you gave to it- sort of broke down. But, thanks to Raph’s fix-it skills (thanks Donnie,) she was up and running. 

He chuckles at your response and puts his helmet back on. He motions you to follow him down the fire escape and hands you the spare helmet you used for all bike rides. 

This one was different. 

Why? Well, the others didn’t end in a kiss. 

Raph let you do donuts around in an empty parking lot with his motorcycle, and he couldn’t help but smile at how happy you looked. How you wore your smile so well, and how he thought about other ways he could get it to appear over and over again.

He always thought you were cute. 

But as the night went on, you find yourselves rendezvousing all across Manhattan on ol’ Betsy, letting your frustrations out about Leo’s extended absence on the highway, going 65…80…85 miles on the interstate. You lost count, you were having so much fun. You both spill your feelings about the current situation with your best friend and Raph’s brother. You’re hurt. But, can you blame him? You find it in your heart to forgive Leo after that. Raphael doesn’t. It’ll take more time for him.

When it was all said and done, you wind up falling asleep on the ride back, something that never happened. But there goes fate, again. Coming at the most unexpected times. Raphael carries you back up to your apartment- to which you tiredly ask if he stays with you. You knew- as tired as you were that Raph would get questioned by Donnie when he got back at this ungodly hour. The sun was damn near starting to rise, and sleeping over at your place is one hell of an alibi. 

And then it just happens. You comment on how tired he looks, but it just makes him look even more attractive to you. THIS wakes him up, and as he wonders if he heard you right, you plant a kiss on his cheek as a thank you for staying. 

Raph tests the waters a bit and takes a risk. 

He kisses you. But, not on the cheek. 

And that, dear readers, is how your first kiss with your now boyfriend went. 

---

~

Raphael was right, it’s been an entire year. And now? There’s word from April that Leo is very much alive in South America. Though, you knew he was just fine. Despite the letters stopping completely, you knew in your heart Leo was okay. He knew how to take care of himself on his own. 

So it’s no surprise when April gives you the news. 

Your boyfriend is angry at him. Raph misses him, he told you that much, but he had this burning hatred for his brother for scaring the rest of the family like that. I mean, Mikey thought he was dead somewhere in the jungle miles and miles away. 

You think about the last letter Leo sent you.

So, I guess I can ask you as well for a third opinion, do you think the Earth is flat? I mean, the Earth turns, does it not? Is that not some indication of time passing? Time passes as the world turns. Time goes on, right?

I want to keep this as light-hearted as possible, but for some reason, it’s hard to write this letter to you. I don’t want to bombard you with my feelings, but I can’t help but wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you. I’m not sure what that entails, but you are such a great friend to me, that I’m forever grateful for you. 

You wonder what his next letter would have been to you had he not stopped all those months ago. He sure would have had a lot to say in response to yours, anyway.

To: Leo

To answer your question, of course not. The Earth is NOT flat. 

But Leo, time is a thief. You of all people should know that. You were always the philosophical type. The world turns, yes. It’s an indication of time, yes. But it matters not how much time has passed, but what you did with said time. 

To answer your other question, I do think about you. I wonder what you’re doing, if you’re swinging on vines like Tarzan or something. I care a lot about you, and that hasn’t changed one bit. This time away from you has been difficult on everyone, but getting these letters every 3 weeks helps. 

You can never bombard me with how you feel, your feelings are always valid to me. I want you to know that all those feelings you have for me are reciprocated. 

~ Y/n

Maybe it was a miscommunication? You thought that for a while. You thought you had read his last letter wrong. Did he mean he had feelings for you? Because you had also developed a small crush on him. Before he left, you liked him. 

But, what if you read it wrong? Did he just mean his feelings toward you as a caring friend who missed the yin to their yang?

Maybe you were thinking a little over your head. You weren’t even sure if he got this letter, anyway. 

You never knew. He stopped writing after that. Not just to you, but to the others as well. It was simply a thought of what once was. 

~

A few days after April comes back from her business trip, Leonardo seems to follow. It’s unexpected as hell. After spending the first half of a warm Saturday working and getting ready to head down to the Lair for the second half, you get a text message from Raph.

 

Raph, 8:00 pm 

Babe, lmk when you come down, okay? There’s a surprise for ya 

You start to think about what it could be. Maybe Mikey had a party gig earlier and got to take a slice of your favorite cake home. You always liked being surprised with a slice of cake wrapped in tinfoil when you went down to see your boyfriend. 

But only it’s not cake. 

You come toward the entrance of the Lair a few moments after you messaged Raph you were close, and there he was, giving you a quick kiss and covering your eyes. 

“Ya might like it more than I did,” His gruff voice comments. As you’re helped by Raph into the Lair, you sense something you haven’t in a long time. 

It’s Leonardo. 

You knew it from the moment Raph took his hands away from covering your eyes. You were face to face with someone’s plastron, and judging by the arm muscles you knew it was Leo. He was the only one who wasn’t as bulky as Raph, yet not as small as Mikey or Donnie. He was right in the middle.

“H-hey.” 

You thought a lot about how you would react to Leo if he came home. Would you cry? Would you not forgive him anymore? Would it go back to the way it used to be? You could only predict how your brain would react but failed to predict how your heart would. 

You hug him first. 

You always did, anyway. 

Leo wished he had hugged you first right now, though. But, it’s a sweet moment between you two. 

“I missed you, jerk.” You say into his plastron. On the surface to everyone but Leo, it’s two best friends reuniting after a year of not seeing each other. But deep down, it’s Leo hugging the person he’s grown to love. He loves you.

Raphael- as much as he despises his older brother at the moment- calms down for the time being since Leo stepped foot in the Lair an hour earlier. He knows that you and Leo were close before, and how much you missed him as a friend. You never told Raph about what you last sent Leo and what you thought of it. It wasn’t relevant, and it was sent MONTHS before that night you became a couple. It was sent way before you fell for Raph. And once again, it just wasn’t relevant. Leo never bothered to send you a letter that confirmed your feelings were friends or more than that. So, it had to be just friends. He saw you as just that, and you had to accept it. Which, you could. You could accept being platonic with him, and just be the good friends you were. 

Once you break away, you and the others sit down in the living room like old times. Mikey’s asking Leo all these questions about South America, and Donnie’s asking about the native wildlife. You and Raph on the other hand, ask the harder questions. 

“Why’d ya stay longa?”

“Did ya forget us?” 

Raphael asks him these questions, and Leo’s honest about each one. 

He stayed because he needed time. He never- not for one second forgot about you guys. He missed you all. He knows he fucked up. 

“Why did you stop writing?” You ask. 

This is a tough question. You look at him with concerned eyes, and Raph puts an arm around you. 

“I um…I got caught up in my own world, and…” Leo trails off as if he was thinking of what to say. But, he lost it. That’s when it hits him. He doesn’t say anything. He’s so fixated on the way his brother is touching you, and how you let him. Almost as if it’s an afterthought. 

“I ran out of ink.” 

“You couldn’t like, buy any?” Mikey asks, earning an eye roll from Raph and Donnie. 

No. No, he couldn’t. 

+++

As you spend your evening down in the Lair and hanging out with everyone, you notice Leo going to Splinter’s room, and you hear indistinct chatter coming from upstairs. Leo had spoken to his father when he first got back. In fact, nobody even knew Leo came back until Raphael overheard them talking from the cracked sliding door. 

Though it wasn’t your business, you wondered what they were speaking about. 

You weren’t one to eavesdrop, but the bathroom just so happened to be across from his room, so you heard their conversation for a few moments anyway. 

“The best you can do is let them be happy, my son. Which they are. You cannot reverse time when things do not go as planned.”

“I…I know, but…I realized how much I liked Y/n when I was out there. I just…I was too late.”

‘Using the bathroom could wait,’ You thought. As you continue listening. You listen to the pain in Leo’s voice as he describes how his heart shattered when he realized Raph found his way into your heart. He wondered if you noticed. Splinter says no, you wouldn’t have noticed. You would be oblivious, as Leo never took that chance to send you those letters when he was away. 

He saved them and brought them home to give to you. Well, he was going to give them to you. 

Leo lied earlier. He never stopped writing. In fact, that’s all he did in times of loneliness. He wrote. He wrote until his hand was cramped or he had to start over because he felt he wasn’t conveying his emotions well enough. He had as much ink as a turtle could have. 

That hug meant more to him than you could think. He planned on getting you alone and giving you the unsent letters to take before you went back to your apartment. But he couldn’t anymore. He couldn’t ruin the relationship you had with Raphael. He wouldn’t- no- couldn’t be that selfish. It just wasn’t in his nature. 

So what did happen with those letters?

This burning curiosity seems to take over. You take a wild guess and enter Leo’s room- seemingly untouched for the past year. There’s a small pouch on his bed, the same one that he wore when he said his goodbyes before leaving way back when. You open the front zipper, it feels flimsy from all the wear and tear. Your senses were correct, and there was a folded yellow paper in the compartment. The same color paper that Leo wrote letters on. 

You lock yourself in Leo’s room and sit down on his bed to open up this folded mystery. 

You’re surprised to see that upon opening, 3 more letters fall out in a crinkled mess on your lap. After sorting them by date, a part of you wishes that he sent them sooner. But then another part of you disagrees- the part that loves Raph. You were happy with him, so fucking happy. You were a near-perfect match for each other. He saw you at your lowest and was there to help you out. He was always caring, even if he didn’t always tell you- he showed it. 

 Not only that, but you couldn’t go back and change the past. 

7/10/2007

To: Y/n

You always were so good with words. It’s the one thing that I always admired about you.

I’m glad you feel the same about me as I do about you. You’re always on my mind, Y/n. I thought it was just a little crush at first but…gah, I’m not sure. I think it’s more. I’ve never had a crush before. Haha, I’m pretty good with unintentionally rhyming, huh?

You’re absolutely right, time is a thief. I hate myself for not realizing that with all the time I’ve taken up. I write little by little, and I apologize for taking so long with this one, but I wasn’t sure how to write that I feel like I’m falling in love with you.

And I know it’s a lot to use the word love- but I’m positive that’s what it is. As I sit here and think about you, I always go back to the first time I ever laid eyes on you. How gorgeous you looked despite the situation. How you were so sweet when fate got the best of me and revealed my true self to you. How you were sweet to me even after, and how you were warm and welcoming. The average person would have run to the hills, but you stayed. You stayed all this time, and I think that’s one of the reasons why I’ve come to love you. How accepting you are of those who are different. 

7/20/2007

To: Y/n

It was selfish of me to leave you all. I know that if I send this letter and the others I wrote to you months after I received yours, there’s a chance that you don’t have those same feelings anymore. And there’s also a chance that I’m completely taking what you said the wrong way.

But, if I didn’t, and you truly feel those feelings for me- the “more than friends” kind, then please, read on. If not, take what I say with a grain of salt. 

I guess the saying is correct; absence does make the heart grow stronger. 

With that being said, I have a rather…odd request. I know it’s a lot, I know it is. 

I want you to wait for me. I should have told you this before I left, but it was just a small crush back then. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you. 

I know, it’s extremely selfish to ask you to lock your heart and throw away the key until I return, but we all get at least one selfish pass, right? If you can’t, I understand. I hope you find someone that loves you the way I would have when I came back home. 

But a small part of me hopes you don’t find someone, and we get to be together after all. 

Then again, I can’t control anything. I can only wish. Wish upon the millions of stars that scatter the South American sky. 

8/1/2007

To: Y/n

I was always the philosophical type, and I’m glad you noticed. If this is the world where I get to be with you, I’ll cherish it. I’ll cherish you. I’ll cherish us. 

But, if the cards aren’t in our favor, then I know there’s a parallel universe where I get to be with you. 

Perhaps all I had to do was choose to write back to you instead of waiting and getting caught up in my training. Or maybe I choose to never go to South America. All of these decisions happen in the multiverse--I just so happened to get the short end of the stick in this one.

+++

Your eyes, welling up in tears, fold the slightly worn papers back up and into the pouch, zipping it back up. Curiosity didn’t kill the cat, but ignorance sure did. And right now, as sad and torn as you are, you feel relieved that you read these. Leo would have had to suffer in silence, without ever telling a soul but his Sensei. 

As you exit Leo’s room, feeling a sense of confusion and uncertainty. you ask yourself the grand question, despite being in a daze:

//

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[stylinsoncity]

Sorry if this ask is a little long. I’m going to be a little cheesy here :’)

I am an extremely avid reader: I’ve read literary classics and trashy BookTok romances and dark political satire books and NOTHING, I mean NOTHING makes me as excited to read than when I see you updating on AO3. I used to tell myself that I was just new to the fandom and getting into reading fics about my favorite artists and THAT’s why I downloaded CAYA and SEL and The Wonderlands onto my Books app where I would just reread and reread and reread. I’ve memorized some of your words at this point. Like when you’re rewatching your favorite sitcom and you’re ready to recite the next line of dialogue hahaha

I just read the first chapter of The Thrill of It All and I DEVOURED it. I reread some sentences out loud, slowly, because they were written so beautifully, with such diligence and care. I realized that moments like that are why I liked reading so much in the first place. Even though it was only around 6000 words, I’m already so amazed by the characterization and the way you’ve set the romantic and moody vibe already in the chapter.

I’m writing this ask because I went through some of your Tumblr posts and I can tell that you’re putting a teeeeeny bit of pressure on yourself to finish your works in progress and to post the ABO fic and to edit CAYA for publishing and you’re also navigating the fandom’s recent loss and all I wanted to say is that I trust your ability to put out magic like you always do, whenever it happens. You probably hear this all the time, but you have a very wonderful gift for writing. Take whatever time you need to update/write fics. I’ll patiently reread your magna opera until then! I’ll obviously miss your writing if you’re not continuing after these next two fics but please know that your works had a profound impact on me. Thank you for sharing the little corners of your beautiful mind! <3

okay well you successfully made me tear up!!

i struggle so much responding to things when they make me have Emotions because it becomes difficult to concisely express how i feel and what the message means to me. and then i worry about being wordy and ultimately not explaining myself well.

your perceptiveness and attention to my headspace is genuinely appreciated. i definitely do put quite a bit of pressure on myself. i'm anxious and a perfectionist which is an exhausting combination for so many reasons. i feel like everyone here is pretty understanding and very many are familiar with how long it takes me to update and how scatterbrained i can be. and it honestly does help for ppl to pay attn to those things. somehow it makes me feel safer being a little bit of a mess.

i'm also kind of coming to terms with having anxiety and adhd and accepting that this is how i create and that's okay. so i try to be nicer to myself but every now and then, i do get into a place of like wishing i could do a bit better, work a bit faster, etc... so what you've said honestly does help more than i can express. i really mean that! thank you so much D':

and for the lovely comments on my work... also thank you!! i'm so happy you're enjoying the thrill of it all so far.. you also just named all of my favorite children lol so i'm even more moved by this message.. i still feel like i'm not fully conveying just how moved i am!! but genuinely thank you for your support and patience and love! ily!!