#sorry but I don’t give a fuck if he’s the lesser evil

[p0ison-moon]

yeah & I’m still not voting for Biden next year. die mad about it.

[k-hotchoisan]

Seven minutes in Heaven, but make it San (san x fem!reader)

He knows he fucked up so instead of seven minutes of heaven, you give him seven minutes of hell.

//different au from mingi’s 🌹//

Genre/warnings: smut, pwp, sub! Choi san x dom! Reader, orgasm denial, edging, choking, unprotected sex, blowjobs, handjobs; maybe I need a job, so much cum 🩷

Word count: 2.4K

A/n: holy fuck this was filthy. Some Angel wanted a San version of seven minutes in heaven so here you go, pretty. Enjoy the filth 🩷

San knew he fucked up. The moment his friends peer pressured him into choosing between two girls during truth or dare, he knew he was fucked. He hastily chose one of the girl’s name within the circle, and she blushed. She fucking blushed. Well, in his defence, it was a truth question, and that no one knew about you and San’s relationship, at least not yet, because he told you he was going to announce it during the gathering.

But now in this circle of sins he was in, kinda gave him not much of a choice, and before he realised it, her name just slips out of his mouth, and your mood immediately darkens. You very well knew the kind of friends he has when they play drinking games, and they definitely loved the thrill of burning bridges and matching couples, sometimes a little too much. The once bubbly and innocent persona of you dims when the possessiveness starts seeping in. You smile, of course you do, but it was nothing angelic nor innocent about the smile, it was dripping with pure poison. Your eyes lock onto San and he’s definitely struggling to meet your gaze, his neck and face flushed from the alcohol and his mistake.

San takes the bottle and spins it, the bottle landing on said girl he picked. You lean back, your smile still plastered as you stare daggers into him. She giggles as she chooses dare and of course, they dare her and San make out. San’s eyes widen in fear, as his eyes dart to yours, and your expression stays the same—an eyebrow raise and a pissed smile. It’s like a warning—almost a dare for him fucking try.

The girl only laughs and declines, stating that she has a slight flu, and she opts for a hug instead. Well, not any better but lesser of the two evils at least. She embraces San into a hug and the room erupts into cheers and laughter.

Everyone but you.

You swear to the heavens that you were not a jealous person, just a tad bit possessive. Jealousy and possessiveness were two totally different concepts. And possessiveness mattered in the nature of your relationship.

When the group finally calms down, she spins the bottle, landing right at you. You feign surprise, almost honoured that the bottle chose you next. You don’t hesitate to say “Dare”, with a pretty smile on your face.

“Confident aren’t you?” Mingi teases, nudging your arm. You shrug with a smile, wondering what shit your friends were gonna throw to you.

“Seven minutes in heaven”, Yeosang exclaims. “With a guy of your choice.” You raise your eyebrows. A fucking god given chance.

San feels himself getting more nervous as he starts to wonder if you would pull a random guy in just to get back at him. He knows he done fucked up, but you’d never do that, right?

“Choi San”, you pick, after pretending to take your time think, your gaze never leaving his. San’s heartbeat quickens because he doesn’t expect it. He’s relieved that you chose him but oh god, you sure do look pissed.

Your arm snakes around his as you stare down at the girl, with a look of confusion plastered on her face as you smile and say, “sorry babe, I’m borrowing him for a bit.”

The moment the doors close behind the both of you, San is immediately pushed onto the bed by you. His eyes are wide with fear, and something else—exhilaration. He’s wondering what you’re gonna do to him and that makes his cock harden so fucking quick, and your gaze never leaving his as you strip right in front of him just adding on to the arousal.

He’s splayed onto the bed, slightly panting as he continues to stare at you removing every piece of clothing cleanly before walking over to pull off his cargo pants, his boxers already starting to soak from the precum. You straddle him once his pants are on the floor.

“Baby I-“ and his sentence gets cut short when your fingers grab his jaw to pull him close for an aggressive kiss, one that makes San’s head float and his cock even harder. He’s totally melting under your touch and dominance.

He whines as you pull back, your hand still clenching his jaw. He’s breathless, so blown away by the quick make out session.

“So, you picked her?” You pout, your fingers now trailing down his neck, feeling each beautiful bump of his veins and arteries. Your touch is so light that it makes San feel sensitive as he shivers.

“I don’t! I promise babe, it was nothing serious. You know how my friends are when we drink-fuck. Besides, they don’t know we’re together”, he runs his mouth, and you remove his top before palming his erection, causing him to groan.

“Really now? The hug must have felt great right? Someone else’s tits just pressing onto yours, it probably felt fucking amazing for a slut like you”, you hum tracing down his chiseled body, so tempted to fucking squeeze his tits. Your eyes flutter back to his as he continues to deny that, despite the way you said it only causing him to harden even more.

“N-no. It’s not like t-that”, he barely manages as you press the fabric of his underwear onto his leaking tip, and rub, watching San lose his grip on reality.

“Sannie”, you call out as your hand caresses his cheek with utmost poison, as San looks back at you with a glazed look. “Good boys don’t lie.”

San knows he’s not allowed to touch you, unless you allow him to, and he feels his heart hammering in his ears, dizzy from trying to figure out what you’re trying to get at.

“I’m not lying, I promise babe”, he says, genuinely. You know he would never lie, but he still had to be punished. You reach out to grab San’s phone which was lying on the bed after you pushed him down, and set seven minutes on the timer before throwing his phone haphazardly on the bed, right beside him.

You sigh as your attention goes back to him, letting your fingers trail along his broad chest, stopping at his nipples. You lick both your thumbs before flicking his nipples, and that elicits a cry from San as his hips buck into you.

“Seven minutes isn’t long actually. I think it’s a pretty generous amount of time for you”, you say, rubbing and pulling his nipples, watching San squirm beneath you, the wet stain his underwear only growing bigger.

“Generous amount of time for me?” He repeats through hazed eyes.

“Yeah. A generous amount of time to hold you from cumming”, you reply nonchalantly. “I’m not letting you cum until the timer rings, darling.”

That sends shivers down San’s spine and he whines, both fear and arousal intertwining. He’s oh, so fucked, and he could only reply, “yes.”

A smile spreads across your face as you immediately got to work—pulling off his boxers as his cock springs out, so big and hard. You wet your hand with your spit as you start pumping him, more beautiful moans escape from his lips as his hips begin to automatically fuck your hand. As you continue to drive him up the wall, you lean into his neck, and suck against his soft skin, and that releases even more whimpers as you mark a couple of deep red bites and hickeys around his neck.

“I can’t believe I have to mark you like this to remind you who you belong to”, you sigh again, flicking your wrist up, earning a soft cry from him as more precum seeps out of his cockhead. He murmurs “sorry, baby, I’m sorry”, as you continue to pump his cock, with short intervals of teasing his nipples.

His cock twitches in your palm and that’s your signal to let go, watching San groan as he’s first orgasm get denied, his hands gripping the sheets.

“We’re only getting started”, you remind him as you sink yourself to face his cock. San’s breathing hitches.

It was definitely going to be the longest seven minutes of his life.

Your lips wrapped around his cock as you bob your head, making sure your tongue feels up the under area of his cock—where he’s the most sensitive. You take his whole length in your mouth, feeling him at the back of your throat as you clench on him and a loud broken whimper is heard from him.

“Babe, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”, he cries out, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes as his cock twitches in pain when you leave him dry and empty for the second round.

“Do you know what you did wrong?” You ask, letting his cock leave your lips with a pop, his precum dripping off from the corner of your lips as you pepper kisses to his pretty little cock. Through his ragged pants, he barely makes out, “I shouldn’t have let her touch me at all. I’ve been bad.”

You don’t reply him, only going back to sucking his soul of his cock as his hips rise to fit himself as much as he could in your mouth. He feels his stomach tighten again, and you see the flex his abdomen does when he’s going to cum, and he’s crying, “fuck fuck fuck, I’m so close, I’m cumming-“

And your lips leave his cock.

“Fuckkkkkk”, San whines, his knuckles turning white from how hard he’s gripping the sheets.

You ignore his pleas, your eyes glance over to the timer—four minutes left. You look back him with the softest gaze, as you comb your boyfriend’s hair back. “I’m gonna fuck you”, you tell him and it sounds like a threat, and also it goes directly to his cock. He’s so fucked. He knows he can’t last in you for long, let alone for another X amount of minutes left.

San can only watch, wide-eye and hopeless as you shift up to straddle him once more, only rubbing your wet cunt against his very wet cock. He throws his head back against the sheets, his chest heaving as you grind up on him.

Being denied of three orgasms, the fourth one builds up rapidly as he attempts to push his hips up to rut against you, his cock leaking thick, white precum already. “Please. I don’t think I can take it”, he whimpers, this time his tears streak down his face as his cock twitches pathetically against his abdomen, thick fluid dripping down his cockhead, mixing with your juices. And you immediately slow down, another beautiful cry from the male underneath you as his orgasm slips away from him.

You almost feel bad, almost. But seven minutes still wasn’t up. But you do let him touch you this time, and immediately, his hands are all over you, grasping at every inch of skin he brushes against. He claws against your thighs, leaving pretty marks in his wake. You wipe his tears away and press a loving kiss on his lips as you position his cockhead right at your fluttering hole, as you sink in so fucking easily.

“Oh my fucking god, fuck”, San cries out, his cock just twitching in your pussy. A sigh leaves your lips, feeling so full as San’s cock hits all the right spots perfectly. San’s eyes meet yours, as you stroke his hair affectionately.

“Do you think you deserve to cum?” You ask, rocking your hips painfully slow. San can’t answer, he’s so fucked out and he wants to cum so fucking badly. Your hands wrap around his neck, as you force him to look at you. He nods desperately, just wanting a release after being denied four whole orgasms.

“Please, let me cum, please, I’m begging you”, he strains, and you feel his thighs trembling from beneath you. Your gaze flicker to the timer, and you smile at him.

“Lucky you, baby. There’s only a minute left.”

San is frantic and borderline crazed right now, trying to hold it off for the final minute, and his soul almost leaves his body as you fucking begin bouncing on his cock, the sounds of your moans mixed with the squelching from his cock fucking into your cunt sending him off the edge.

“Thirty seconds, baby”, you remind him as you feel the knot in your stomach from how fucking filled San’s cock is in you. Fuck, you were so gonna cum too at this rate. You don’t tell him about the final ten, because you simply speed up, leaning forward to bounce on his dick better, the sounds of skin slapping now louder than ever.

“Babe, fuck, I’m gonna cum, can I cum, please?” San stares at you pleadingly, eyes wet with desperation. You don’t answer him, only grabbing his jaw in your hands as you fuck him even harder. “When the alarm rings”, is all you reply. “Be a good boy.”

And the alarm goes off, so does Choi San. His eyes are barely open as his lips are parted in absolute bliss as a long, drawn out whine of pleasure and relief washes over him as his cock shoots ropes and ropes of thick, white cum right into your tight hole. At that moment your orgasm hits you, seeing your boyfriend so fucked out and pretty like that, as you lean back and squirt all over him, tapping and rubbing your pussy, making sure it gets all over his pretty fucking face as San continues to cum into your pussy. The overstimulation of your cunt clenching on his cock only milks out even more cum, a thick load just oozing right out of your cunt as his cock is softening in you.

He pulls out and winces, the sensitivity tingling through this body. He sits up, and you take a good look at him, and oh fucking boy, he looks so fucking good, covered in sweat, panting, his hair combed back, his nipples looking swollen, hickies littered all over his neck, cum and squirt just all over him. “Fuck, you look so fucking hot like that”, is the first thing that leaves San’s mouth, causing you to break into laughter as you lean in for another greedy kiss which he never denies you.

You reach out for tissue on the nightstand, to at least clean the cum running down your thighs, which San, for his life could not keep his eyes off. San cleans himself up as you pull up your panties and wear your clothes back on. You turn to San, who is about to put his top back on, and stop him. San is confused for a moment as he stays put, feeling your fingers tips trace over the love bites on his neck.

No not enough. You squeeze his tits, a small gasp leaving his lips which turns into a moan when you suck near his nipple—another gorgeous hickey blooms. Two more bloom on his chest and you were done. Your hands graze his nipples, causing him to whimper. “I think this is a good way to let them know of our relationship”, you hum, admiring your artwork. “We can leave like this.”

Pink creeps up to his neck and cheeks. You stare at him and a pout appears. “What, you want to let her know you want her?” San shakes his head quickly. “N-no! I only belong to you”, he says through flushed cheeks.

“That’s my good boy”, you smile as you stroke his hair as San completely melts around you. You take his hand gently and kiss it before opening the door.

Everyone turns their attention to the both of you, and boy, did their jaws hang open.

“Bro, what the fuck did you guys do in there?” Mingi asks, staring at the disheveled state the both of you were in, and his eyes land on San’s body, which is so prettily decorated.

“Yeah, we wanted to announce that we’ve been dating for awhile now, but seems like he got a little carried away with spin the bottle”, you respond, drawing circles in San’s palm.

All of their eyes follow the both of you as you and San return to your seats. Your eyes meet the girl’s and you giggle.

“Sorry it took awhile, I brought him back.”

The girl who he hugged isn’t fazed, she only laughs in response, saying, “oh my god, fuck off. Jesus Christ the both of you.” You only laugh back as your eyes meet San’s and his gaze reflects something so affectionate and delicate.

Yeah, that was probably one of the best seven minutes of his life.

[turnin9pag3]

GUYS CALL ME CRAZY BUT IM SORRY I FEEL LIKE STANDFORD “FORD” PINES IS PARTIALLY A VILLAN. i understand that he wanted to nurture dippers talent and genius but he forgets the kid is JIST TWELVE. dippers is a CHILD and this man is in his late 60’s.

He is to dipper what Dumbledore is to harry. to a lesser extent of course because i don’t feel like ford was inherently evil or “raising him for slaughter” but i do feel like he cared more about his research than he ever did about dipper or Mabel for that matter. he willingly pulls dipper into dangerous situations knowing that dipper looks up to him as an idol and will listen to pretty much anything he says. he also waters down dipper’s skepticism about moving to gravity falls to study with him by convincing him he was being suffocated with Mabel and she was unwelcome. which is NOT true dipper LOVES mabel with every peice of him and for ford to take advantage of his idolization in the eyes of a fucking 12 year old and convince him- even for a moment- that studying mosters with him was more important than his twin who has been by his side LITERALLY since they were born is so beyond fucked up. all that just so he can have someone to spread his genius onto. dipper had so much potential by going down the route but also the kid is young. he’s already been traumatized by that point and he needs to be a kid the best he can. and if we are going real deep into it mable never should’ve blamed herself for weirdmageddon because its more fords fault than hers. sure she made a stupid decision but she- like dipper- was only 12. by ford convincing dipper he doesn’t need Mabel he caused her to want to give them more time. even if dipper didn’t need her she still needed him. and dipper did need her he just told himself he didn’t because his idol told him he didn’t. ford had zero regard for people of corporeality and this is also evident in the fact that he made the deal with bill to begin with. he became so concerned with his studies and what could be created he went full evil genius mode and essentially made a deal with the devil because he had access to the mindscape. even after all of this goes down he tries dragging dipper down that same path.

im not saying ford was the villain but i am saying his character needs to be looked into more because he puts them in potentially fatal situations and only cares when they are at the edge of it ending. hes a good guy who cares about them but sometimes i just feel like he cares more about the unknown than them.

[asocialangel]

i saw ur post asking for blue lock requests! what about fake dating with shidou? 💕

What Could Be

↬fake dating Shidou

chapter 1 – chapter 2 – chapter 3 – [...]

Thank you for giving me a prompt ! I hope this satisfies u ! This is my first time actually writing for Shidou so prayin this isn’t ooc… And mainly i hope that you're okay with a series instead of a one shot...

This will be a multiple chapter story !! And i will post them whenever they are ready !! So please enjoy chapter one as i air my first "chapter" writing !! Yayyy 😎 Shidou x fem!manager!reader. Fake dating. 700w.

Chapter 1, Any Other Name

[no warnings]

It’s the first of the month and as every first of the month you receive your paycheck. It was your fourth one, meaning it had been four months since you started working at blue lock. You wish you could say you were a manager there, but your paycheck said otherwise. Assistant to auxiliary tasks. Yeah, that has a lesser of a ring to it. But still, you enjoyed your job, maybe because you got to be around cute boys all day, but mostly because it meant you could get away from your parents a bit. You had freshly graduated when you received a mysterious job offer, from an acquaintance of your former employer. You decided it could be a good idea to leave the family house to get some air. It was indeed ! Because you go to reinvent yourself, even make up a fake name 'cause you felt like it. So here you were Vivi.

Well you were Vivi to most people. Except for this stupid boy that always mockingly despised you, so much you weren't sure if it was a joke anymore. To Shidou, you were maid-vivi. As if the only task you did was cleaning. Well, he was kinda right but you would have never admitted it to him. You still had paperwork and PR work to do sometimes...

You took your paycheck and exited Ego's office. And as you made your way to your staff room (your personal bedroom if you may) you bumped into him, yet again. It seemed like your paths always crossed, you could swear you saw him more than your own reflection these days. “Maid-viviiii” he sang as he walked towards the cafeteria. “Shidou.” Suddenly a crazy thought came to you. You could blackmail him. And win money with it. Obviously you wouldn't extort it out of him, but more at the situation. You grinned. When was it you became evil ? 

“Are you holding up well ?” You turned around before he was too far away. He stopped and turned around too, to see your face. You could see his incomprehension at your concerned face. “What do you mean, maid vivi ? I’m always well, and I recovered perfectly from yesterday's match as a U-20, as I always do”. You wanted to mock him so badly: “even though you lost ?”. But you said instead: “Oh.. So you haven't seen then ?” God you started feeling bad for being this machiavellian. “People online, they found out about, you know… You swinging that way. I’m sorry they outed you to everyone this way. But worry not Shidou, I'll still treat you the same as I am actually an ally to ga–" "I’M NOT GAY !”. Damn he got started fast. Perfect. “WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT”. “Uhm, netizens, but as I said every sexuality is fine and–”. “I’m not a fucking gay ! I respect them obviously but I'm not like… Like them !” He was still shouting. “Oh… they lied then ? But they showed old tweets you had on your profile and–” “Impossible, I’ve never done anything like that. I swear i will find these fuckers and make them pay”. “Well they can pay all they want but now everyone knows- uh i mean thinks you’re a homosexual”. “Why do you put it that way ?! Pfff I need to prove ‘em I'm not. Maybe if i retweet hetero porn it’ll convinc–”. “Ooh i don’t think you need to go that far”. As you said the sentence, another lightbulb appeared and lit in your head. This whole prank –cause yeah it was a prank, no netizens ever found any tweet– was solely to piss him off. But now you could get something else out of it. “I think dating a girl would be enough. Good luck on finding someone while you live here 24/7 tho. Anyway I need to go now ! Good luck !”. Both these sentences were not complete lies. “Fuck…” you heard him hiss down low as you left. 

What did you get out of this crazy man stunt ? The satisfaction of seeing him suffer AND something that will most likely bring new audiences to Blue Lock TV. BLTV had already started unbeknownst to the boys. If Shidou, one of the most populars contestants, had a girlfriend, it would create new drama that’d bring a new audience. And you being the start of that would most likely mean a raise ! Double homicide. 

That was your ideal without actually thinking things through. Because who was the only girl Shidou could turn to, while living here 247 as you said ? Yup. 

[ y o u ]

A/N: AHH I NEVER MEAN FOR THIS TO BE A SERIES ??!!! but it just came naturally... This will be a new exercise so I'm actually keen to see how it goes, how i'll do !! Also i forced myself to be concise cause i always do the longessttt (almost annoying i feel like) writings so i hope it's still comprehensible. FEEDBACK IS SO GREATLY APPRECIATED !!! hehe love u, u reading this...

[soullessjack]

listen i get your frustration about how people treat jack, i hate when people reducd him down to just a destiel baby too. but as an autistic person myself, i really disagree with you calling people that like baby jack ableist. he's canonically 4 years old and had to have his childhood basically stripped away from him due to how dangerous it was. i don't think people enjoying the thought of him getting to have that chance at a happy childhood is as cruel and evil as you seem to think.

hi, I’m actually going to answer this differently than I did at first, because I feel like I missed the point and spent way too much time on the canon logistics of “giving Jack a childhood that he chose to skip and is never shown to want,” or that he’s actually pretty obviously portrayed as a teenager in the show, or that his character fundamentally revolves around autonomy & the struggle to have it, and not enough on the actual ableism. I’m also going to be a lot meaner this time, sorry.

honestly, you don’t get my frustrations. you don’t get that this isn’t some petty fandom drama about “muh fav being misunderstood” or “grr this content bad.” you don’t get my frustration if you think that’s all there is to any of this. this is something with an actual bearing on reality and the entire topic of representation in general, which you’d get if you took your head out of your ass and looked around for once. autistic people are still immensely underrepresented and misrepresented in most mainstream media. we are still seen and treated as circus animals, as punchlines, as lesser humans if not subhumans, and we have to face that alongside navigating a world that is wholly and systemically unnavigable to us. fiction and fandoms are an escape for many people, but especially marginalized people who long for community and representation.

the autistic community has a pretty long history of resonating with nonhuman characters in fiction over time, from robots to aliens to monsters in horror movies. because whether it’s their mannerisms or specific struggles or even narrative experiences, they resonate with us. jack resonates with us. he’s important to us as autistic people—and namely, as autistic adults who very rarely see ourselves represented in ways that don’t depict us as gross man-children, infantilized precious beans or emotionless geniuses. in fact, the very notion that autistic people are inherently childlike or mentally children directly leads into our sole representation being children, and even more into the treatment of us as “precious small beans.” does that ring any fucking bells to you yet?

jack might not have been intentionally written with autism or representation on mind, but this fandom literally builds itself up on coding and unintentional implications. he was also confirmed to be autistic anyways, so anyone still whining should just grow the fuck up about it. also, ironically, most accidentally autistic characters end up being the best kind lmao. but these discussions? these analyses by autistic fans —and even just fans who actually care about his complexities — only exist within our own little circles, and the idea of baby!jack is very much the fandom’s steadfastly going mainstream version of him—so much so that people are convinced it’s actually canon, they die on that hill like it’s some obligation to uphold. and any viewing of his canon character with nuance or complexity, or even his basic personality, is left to gather dust. it stops becoming people having fun when it’s over-saturating and supersedes actual canon. it stops becoming people having fun when it’s actually fucking harmful.

it’s frustrating as a general fan, but downright upsetting as an autistic fan who sees themself in him and has to witness every fucking day — in a community that prides itself on being a big found family no less — the infantilization of traits I and other autistic people express, and the stubborn justification of him being “actually a toddler” with even more autistic traits. There are literal scraps of canon adult Jack content to engage with; of any semi-intelligent thoughts on him to indulge in.

what you don’t get (or you refuse to get) that there is a direct correlation between all of this, the way jack is treated (ie ‘reduced to a destiel baby’) and the ableist infantilization surrounding his character. as in, this content directly feeds into his treatment, which then feeds back into the content made of him, which then feeds back again into his treatment in a horrible and exhausting cycle.

what you don’t get is that constantly regurgitating content where the baseline is jack being actively stripped of his identity and autonomy for the sake of becoming an accessory to Destiel/Sastiel/the Domestic Winchester Family is inherently rooted in layers of deep ableist rhetoric, and you can perpetuate all of that even without any intent for it. I’m not a fucking moron, and I’m not the big bad guy you’re talking to me like. I don’t think anyone who enjoys baby!jack is inherently “cruel” or “evil,” or turning jack into a baby while thinking “this’ll stick one to those retards,” and twirling their moustache, okay? and it’s really so funny to me that you’re trying to point the finger back at me. at least you tried.

what you don’t get is that whenever autistic fans voice our perspective on baby!jack, we’re fucking ignored. we’re fed the same rotten slop over and over and over again. “But we want him to be happy!” “But it’s an AU, it’s not canon!” “But he actually is a baby because XYZ!” “But, but!” Buts are not an argument, they’re the thing you still haven’t found a way to pull your heads out of. maybe the lack of oxygen from so many people in one small dark space is why you’re so fucking stubborn to understand this.

you wanna know what is cruel? being told that you are doing something hurtful, something harmful and something that painfully reflects real life struggles a real community goes through, and shrugging it off. being aware of the value something brings to someone else, and stripping it away simply because it doesn’t matter to you personally. finding another But or a corner-cut to excuse yourself from blame. you didn’t have the decency to listen when general fans said “hey this is kind of annoying can we treat him like an actual person,” and you don’t even have the decency to concede when autistic people are saying this is a deeply wrong thing to do.

if you have to ignore an entire community’s voice to feel better about the content you’re making that directly hurts them, if you don’t personally think it’s harmful or even real because autistic struggles are never real, then I am well within reason to assume you’re not a good person. it’s one thing to do something wrong because you’re uninformed, and it’s another thing entirely to continue to do that when you’ve been informed, and simply decided that it wasn’t worth changing or stopping.

believe me, as an autistic person I am well used to being isolated, to not being anyone’s priority in this capitalistic circle of hell. I am ready to expect my struggles and existence to be tokenized for somebody else to feel good, or squeeze money from. Im used to seeing movies portray my experience as some Manic Pixie Star-seed or creepy overgrown child. I know the world doesn’t care about me. But I don’t think I’m asking too much for this, the big found family fandom that’s been shown to care so much about every other problem, to care about me. To listen when it’s hurting me, or uplift something I care about.

I don’t think I’m asking for anything less than this family to actually treat me like I am part of it. But can you even do that?

[odinsblog]

I just found out about Jasmine Sherman and they look really cool. Like, the policies that they say they’re going to do? The fact that they have an audiobook option for people to listen to what the policies say on their platform? (If people don’t have JAWS or screen readers on their devices, JAWS for computers.) I really hope they get far enough in the presidential race. Although Cornel West is my next choice should he get far.

Yeah, sorry but Hell NO.

I’m all for audiobooks and JAWS readers, but I’ve never heard of Jasmine Sherman before and as far as I’m concerned, Ms. Sherman is just another throwaway vote. She has the same chance of winning the next election as a randomly picked name from a hat. Same goes for Cornel West and for 🤡 RFK Jr., and same for Marianne Williamson, and in fact, same for anyone who isn’t named (I honestly cannot believe that EYE am saying this, but here we are) Joe Biden.

Look, in 2020 I went through the same journey that I think a lot of voters are going through right now: I swore up and down that I wasn’t going to vote for Biden because he had (and still has, tbqh) a lot of conservative policies that I vehemently disagree with—LOL, don’t even get me started on Title 42, okay? But at the end of the day, I carried my Black ass into that voting booth and I begrudgingly did what I had to do.

All I know is, I do not want Donald fucking Trump in the White House. That’s it. Not “lesser evilism” not “he’s the next LBJ” not anything else, except for I’m voting for the person who has the best chance of beating Trump and keeping his racist ass out of the White House. THAT’S just about my only motivation here. Dassit. Periodt. I can deal with everything else later.

And I can live with myself with that vote.

But yeah, I’m Black and I gotta live not only with myself, but I also gotta live in this world and look other people in the eye. People who don’t even have my extremely limited level of privilege.

I’m not gonna go into detail about how a Trump presidency would make literally everything worse than it already is—and yes, sadly that includes Palestine, Ukraine, transphobia, homophobia, immigration, and whatever else is allegedly important to disproportionately ☭ white, online “leftists” 🙄 who keep telling people not to vote, or keep telling people to vote for candidates who cannot win.

As far as I’m concerned, Trump getting back into the White House is an existential threat to everything I hold dear. So no, anon, I will fucking not be throwing my vote away on some random ass person I’ve never heard of before, who has no mf chance of ever winning.

And yes, I still have problems with Biden. Like, a lot of problems. Like, a LOT, lot. But he’s the best chance we got at stopping Trump, and Trump needs to be stopped. That, plus I desperately want to see Trump pay for everything he’s gotten away with so far. Voting for Biden is the best way for me to give that a chance.

So yeah, I am deathly afraid of a second Trump term. And a big part of what is driving that fear is the fact that Joe Biden is vulnerable and super beatable. Like, his winning the next election is not a guarantee—did Hillary Clinton’s completely preventable loss teach you nothing at all??

Anyway, I’m not tryna write a book here. I think I’ve made my thoughts clear on Jasmine Sherman and whoever else is the flavor-of-the-day that can’t and won’t beat Trump. Biden is really fucking up and making himself even more beatable by unconditionally supporting Israel, and if he wins he might continue to fuck up, but I promise you that Trump will do unimaginably worse to Palestinians—and that’s not hyperbole.

Lastly, I really debated long and hard about whether or not to make this post rebloggable. PLEASE don’t make me regret that decision, OKAY??

Like, I know that a lot of people who unconditionally LOVE Joe Biden (that’s not me, btw) and the Democratic Party will be tempted to add, “VOTE BLUE NO MATTER WHO!” to this post, but I am begging you to please resist that urge, okay? I don’t know how to precisely put it into words, but unless you’re already convinced and have decided to vote for Biden, there’s just something about adding that braindead slogan that is incredibly off putting. It’s like an annoying ad that you want to skip and ignore on YouTube; it’s vapid; it’s old + tired; it’s lowkey offensive, and it tells people that you haven’t really given a lot of thought to anything and you’re just another insipid Blue MAGA sycophant blindly hopping on the bandwagon. Please find a better more intelligent way to express your support of Biden, okay?

ALSO, if you just search for Jasmine Sherman on Tumblr, you get a lot of anonymous asks like this

And sorry, but having lived through the 2016 and 2020 interface elections, yeah, it just smells fishy af. Chipping away at Biden votes is another way to help get Trump re-elected. And Trump supports Putin and Netanyahu

[tonydaddingham]

Hello,

Sorry about this essay entering your inbox and this certainly isn’t me disagreeing with you, or any criticism, more of an addition.

I wanted to add another perspective to your thoughts on Crowley, his flaws and how S2 may change his and Aziraphale’s relationship.

They are very human flaws, and seemingly unique and important to him as a demon. As Aziraphale’s flaws are unique and important to him as an Angel.

From what we’ve heard of pre fall crowley, he didn’t give Aziraphale much thought on their first meeting. Also, it sounds as if Crowley was somebody important in Heaven. And from what we know of high ranking angels - they are callous, unforgiving, unfeeling and the boss everyone dislikes. This appears to be Heaven’s idea of a good Angel, given their responses to Aziraphale ‘the traitor.’

Crowley, to me, sounds he was doing his job, well in the eyes of head office. He was just another high ranking angel getting on with it. Not a nice/good person from a human perspective but, if anything, flawless from Heaven’s perspective.

That was until he started asking questions, hanging around with the wrong people and sauntered vaguely downwards. Then he and Aziraphale met again, with Crowley now the ‘lesser’ being. Good triumphs over evil, surely? And this Angel he has met shouldn’t give him the time of day, like Crowley didn’t to a ‘lesser’ angel (can you imagine, if he remembers, how guilty Crowley probably now feels about this.)

But Aziraphale listens to his prattling about the tree and the flaws in God’s plans, engages with him and then shelters him. This angel has feelings, he is different, he cares about others. He gave away his flaming sword and indulges in gross matter- moves that make him a flawed angel in the eyes of Heaven.

Endearingly, Aziraphale is a well intentioned bitch.

And with Crowley possibly doing good with the whole eat the apple business and later kindness, he is a flawed demon in Hell’s view. Hell’s requirements of a good employee are cruelty, wickedness and finding murder a fun activity on a wet Wednesday afternoon.

But, kindly, Crowley is a daft, soft cockblanket.

And it’s what I feel GO is about. Balance between good and evil, finding your own side and not always becoming what others intended you to become.

Each of them stand out from their original sides because of their complexity and flaws, which is why they fit and work so well together, and have been able to for 6000 years. Neither is perfect and neither is horrible, and any criticisms they can find in the other also exists in themselves. Seemingly the only two entities like this- with possible exceptions - so they know they need each other. They’re the only two that can truly empathise with one another.

I don’t necessarily excuse these flaws and mistakes (pre-fall classism, the bandstand, I’m the nice one, how can someone as clever as you be so stupid and so on) but they can be explained. And a relationship is about how you move through your mistakes and flaws together, not being free of them.

If this has made no sense I apologise. I do struggle with expressing my own views. 💛

hellooooo @ezra-fell!!!✨���

gOSH yes this is an essay but fuck if im not gonna do my best to provide you with a response worthy of your message!!!!

i will just start by saying i don't think any one person's opinion or perspective is correct per se, i certainly don't think mine is flawless, but it is kind of what i feel could at least possibly be a theme in s2 or even s3 or just in general, and if it isn't cool, it will firmly remain a hc and im happy with that!!!

for anyone reading, i will just reiterate once again that im not here to cause argument or discourse, i literally just write unhinged ramblings about these characters (both of whom i love DEARLY and are v important to me for various reasons), and yeah my opinion is NOT correct by any stretch, but it's AN opinion✨💓

going into a cut because my answer will probably be just as lengthy!

totally agree with you on everything you've said about crowley. i do not for one sec think that his character as an angel is like an issue (other than being a bit of a knob but as you said, if he's an Archangel or lesser Archangel (ie like sandalphon), then yes this characterisation makes perfect sense and is awesome in terms of how his character changes when he becomes a demon)

i also completely agree on your point about it being about balance (literally just talked about this in another post im going meta-feral at the mo), i do think thats the main theme of the story. i guess what i was trying (and failing) to say is that aziraphale's view of crowley might possibly be an entirely human one.

let's get personal bc at this point bc i can't speak from everyone elses perspective - ive been aziraphale in this scenario (the scenario i put forward in my post from earlier). ive been in a long term relationship, and had a major incident happen about 18 months ago. that person is who i loved and cherished more than anyone in the world, but after a lot of therapy and a lot of communication, i realised that whilst i loved them and thought they were absolute perfection, flaws and all, i had placed them on a pedestal of who i thought they were and who i wanted them to be.

so obvs with aziraphale his faith is very literal (i have no religious faith), but my faith in my person was so unquestionable and unyielding, that i also ended up hurting myself (emotionally, no CWs here!!) to find out that the flaws that i had idolised and thought were perfect actually came around to bite me in the ass, and honestly? at the time, i didn't like what i found. i still loved that person, still found them attractive and lovely etc, but my faith in them was completely shattered, and i hadn't realised until that point that love and faith are completely different things. i had initially believed that in being with someone, the two were synonymous. they aren't.

now sorry to get so personal on main lmao, and i realise that this may well be a great deal of projection of myself into aziraphale (don't we all do that tho???) and i truly recognise that, but it just feels to me that this 'reckoning' that's coming -- whilst it might not be entirely what ive said (id be utterly flabbergasted if it was) -- might be something similar. i want the boys to be happy and together and unassailable as much as the next person, but somehow i feel like we'll need to wait for s3 for that dream to be completely realised, and for the boys to take each other as they are, not as they thought they saw them initially. i hope im wrong, we'll just have to see.

i hope that's an appropriate answer to your ask, but tldr i agree with everything you said, i just have limits as to how much i necessarily discuss in one post haha!!!✨💓💓

[seijorhi]

....👁️👄👁️ I won't lie to you, I missed last week because it completely slipped my mind, I am so sorry

Sooooo, ART&RCSW (better super late than never I guess??) - Shelter from the Storm

Absolutely incredible

What I love about the way you write Oikawa is that his character remains consistent no matter what the genre or storyline

In this fic, he was so delicious, idk how to explain it - something about a man who is just a terrible person to his core and he knows it, that's just so great. What makes it even better, I think, is that usually men would try to curb or tone down the crazy, but he doesn't have to or want to

And the reader's father deciding that he's a necessary evil is great and all, but him deciding that Oikawa is the lesser of two evils is really what gets to me - how are you looking at this man and thinking, "Yes, he'll do what I tell him because I'm paying him"?? Especially when he noticed how fond Oiks is of the reader

Tbh, the only person (besides the reader) that I really feel sorry for in this fic is her younger brother - the father dug his own grave, and I don't like the sound of the step mother, so I don't really care about either of them

Now I understand why he killed the brother, but he better hope and pray the reader never finds out (let's be real though, she probably won't, and even if she does, what can she do about it??)

It was genuinely a surprise though, like I really didn't expect him to go full ham and kill everyone, so kudos to you for making him that crazy <33

The unhinged lawless man is always the most attractive :))

Again, I'm so so sorry that I forgot :((

But I hope last week went well and that you had a good weekend :)) And what is this I'm hearing about Tokyo Revengers?? You give us the best fics Rhi, so take your time <33

Art you’re so cute dhdhhdjdksls you don’t need to apologise, just seeing these asks makes me happy <33 ily

But yes, as much fun as delusional yanderes are there is something so fucking delicious to me about one who’s not only lucid but perfectly aware of how awful they are – and embrace that with open arms.

As for her father… yeah. Dude really thought that his own reputation (and the money) would really be enough to bring Oikawa to heel. That gamble really did not pay off dhhddhdjdkdlsl

Dangling a treat in front of a man like Oikawa and then threatening to take her away if he doesn’t behave was never gonna end well. Shame that it came at the cost of Ryo’s life, but at the same time… there was never gonna be a happy ending. Her father was never going to accept Oikawa and the reader being together, Oikawa’s possessive tendencies were always going to get out of hand.

[daylander1000]

I know a lot of people like Rhaenrya and Daemon but I don’t for many reasons, the biggest reason is that daemon groomed rhaenrya and ruined her reputation, but people think he loves her which is so funny to me. Rhaenrya has shown signs of being a spoiled brat many times she’s the time that doesn’t like the rules and doesn’t follow them but expect everyone else to do so, being the queen doesn’t give you freedom you carry the burden of responsibility of the seven kingdoms and Visersys told her that and how daemon isn’t a person who can handle that, but what does she do? Fucks him at his wife’s funeral and then marries him, and people are surprised that he choked her?? BFFR! I’m not the biggest fan of alicent but I understand her way more, she didn’t want to be queen she just followed her father’s choice and truly did believe rhaenyra would have been a great queen but rhaenyra then lied to alicent which gets her father fired (but he kinda deserved it) and even when Rhaenyra gave birth to her sons, she’s putting her self on a ship of thin ice. If ONE of Alicent’s kids came out with Brown hair even if that’s alicent’s hair color y’all know they would’ve killed her. I don’t like the double standard that Rhaenyra and Daemon and Visersys have, I’m not a team green or a black but I have more respect for the greens, not saying aegon would be a great king because he’s not but Rhaenyra isn’t the best option either. Another thing is if Viserys never was going to name aegon as king, why did he remarry and have more children if he was always going to up hold Rhaenyra?? I love Rhaena and Aemond I feel like if they were betrothed then this whole greens and blacks would end, but of course Daemon can only think of himself and a way to make his way to the throne. He doesn’t care for his family the way people think he does, he wants the throne. Wish more people would wake up and realize that. Sorry for the rant but I had to let that out.

Lol, no problem.

I didn't read F&B so I don't get the fandom war. I'm not on any team myself. If I had to pick one though, it would be the greens. Mostly because I nearly always root for the underdogs, but also because you sort of just have to go with the lesser evil if forced to choose?

I liked Rhaenyra well enough until she called for Aemond to be interrogated and fussed about her arm being scratched while Aemond was sitting there maimed for life with eye stitches.

Viserys... I think he just wanted a young girl in his bed immediately and didn't want to wait the two years for Laena to turn 14. Better the child you watched grow up alongside your daughter than some random 12 year old your cousin is trying to set you up with.

I don't have much thoughts about Daemon other than that he reminds me too much of Damon from vampire diaries. Lol. He killed his wife, got exiled for being creepy with his young niece, and then ran off to Pentos with an actual child who was 3 years younger than Rhaenyra. Like, I just imagine Laena as this girl who probably saw him as her father's cool friend from their whole Crabfeeder war, so yeah, he's just some pedo groomer wife-killer imo.

I get the need to rant. After they killed Vaemond, I was livid, but it helps to just avoid interacting with the parts of the fandom you don't enjoy. There's something about GRRM books that just brings out the worst in some people. I'm not into the whole "Targ nation"/ "Valyrian supremacy"/ "racial purity" thing, so I just stick to my little corner of AO3 and block the tags and the weirdos. 😅

Life is too short and precious to spend time being upset with shippers. HotD is not a show worth losing your peace over.

[appalachianapologies]

Okay the good news is that i got a 90% on my microbio exam the bad news is that i literally do not understand my linguistics homework. the other good news is holy crap i love you guys and your support is actually unreal!!!!! i am in awe and feel so honored ♥️♥️

So Mac, who has begun to slowly get his memories back (he still doesn’t know why, and it still is like. Hmm. weird.) is like “that can’t be right” because the Gwen that he remembers—the Gwen that is in the original timeline—turned over a new leaf right before she died. She realized in the dam that it was the wrong thing to do and made sure mac stayed alive in order for him to fix her mistake, so Mac is like “she wouldn’t escape” except for the glaring and obvious fact that yes, she did in fact just escape, mac.

So mac and jack go take a trip down to the blacksite and try and figure out what exactly happened, but while they’re there, they also come across murdoc (bc for some reason there’s only like one blacksite in this fic apparently lmao don’t judge me it’s for the plot) and murdoc does his creepy little murdoc things where he goes “oh macgyverrrrrr i had this wonderful dream the other night-” and at first mac just brushes it off because creepers gonna creep, but then he’s like “oh shit what if it’s not just the team that are getting these weird dream memories” so he decides it’ll be the lesser of two evils if he talks to murdoc.

Murdoc tells him about his “dream” which is 5x10, and mac is over here trying to act So Normal About This and is just like “wow haha so weird you’re weird and creepy anyway gotta go-” but mac’s poker face is awful let’s be honest, so murdoc gets suspicious. That being said Murdoc could not dream (pun intended) of the whole timeline shift thing, so he doesn’t know exactly what’s going on, just that mac is acting weird as heck™ 

So anyway Jack and Mac talk with the guards and watch the security footage and there’s no denying it- Gwen snuck out of the blacksite and it most definitely isn’t for good reasons, but it’s not like they can do anything about it now but find her. Mac is still determined to prove that she’s a good person and that she’s changed, that she no longer agrees with Codex’s agendas and all of that, but everyone is like “bro look at literally all of this evidence. Sorry but she’s Not Good.”

Jack pulls him aside and is like “i know she’s your family but kid, she is not a good person.”

And mac is like “it’s not just that she’s my family, it’s that Gwen realized that what she was doing was wrong and tried to make amends.” to which jack is like “???? when??? I think I’d remember something like that” so mac has to exasperatedly explain to him that she changed back in mac’s original timeline.

Jack’s all “okay but this isn’t the original timeline” and then they get into an argument (they’re not mad at each other or anything, it’s honestly more like a debate) about how similar everyone is to mac’s original timeline. Mac mentions how literally everyone on the team is still normal and the same but then he starts to question it himself. Desi still has her same morals and everything, but it’s not like she’s the exact same. Neither is Russ, and somewhere out there Parker exists, but she never came to the Phoenix in this world.

The more Mac thinks about it the more he’s like “ohhhhh no. ohhhh fuck.” and then begins to question everything because hey why not give the man a lil existential crisis. Mac begins to wonder if he’s the one who has catastrophically screwed up the world beyond recognition or if it’s something else entirely- his only comfort is the knowledge that Mac didn’t have a choice in this, it’s not like he wanted to go back in time (though if given the choice he probably would’ve).

Anyway so Gwen has escaped and people are having weird memory dreams, and Mac just wishes they that could all go back to a couple of months ago when Mac had forgotten about the original timeline and everything was good and normal and dandy and everyone was alive and NOT having dream memory things. Buuuuut the fact of the matter is that they can’t go back in time, so Mac just has to figure out how to fix this and maybe figure out why people are having memory things happening while they sleep.

Mac, unfortunately, does not work well with theoretical science in any sense of the word. He much prefers the tangible parts of science (especially when they blow up). To Mac decides to get the entire team to help out. Riley starts trying to figure out if anything in the world was Not Quite Right when Mac got shot in the leg out in the forest and thus when he was randomly transported through space and time. Bozer and Leanna start to try and figure out how many people are having these dream/memory things while also staying on the downlow. Jack is just making sure that Mac is taking care of himself because he keeps having the headaches and jack doesn’t like it when his boy is hurting :( 

Mac also grapples with the fact that he’s going to have to tell Russ, Matty, and his dad (because oops James is still alive—i know this is my idea but like why couldn’t james stay dead. Mac is too good of a son for that to happen ik ik but STILL-), but at the same time he’s like “if i tell them they’re going to bench me and make me go through a psych eval” and nobody wants that to happen. On the other hand, James might be able to try and help figure out what exactly happened and how Mac got here.

Because the missions have slowed down for Mac and Jack, he has a lot of time to think about all of these things, and at some point he realizes that maybe he shouldn’t just be focusing on himself but also the other Mac. Because like. If he got magically transported to this timeline/universe, surely the mac that used to be here got put over there? And at first he agreed and thought that it was because the old mac here died when he was shot in the leg, so that makes sense that when he died in the hyperbaric chamber there would be some weird cosmic body swap or whatever. But. the more that mac thinks about it the less it makes sense.

If he died in the hyperbaric chamber he should’ve just done exactly that?? Died??? It doesn’t make sense that when he got transported to this timeline that he would be, if not well, then at least alive. So then Mac starts thinking about what if he didn’t actually die. What if his heart stopped and what if the old mac in this timeline also nearly died, but not quite?

There’s no way to prove this but Mac’s pretty sure this is what’s happening, but he also keeps it to himself. No reason to tell anyone if he can’t fully figure it out, simple as that. 

Also just as far as housekeeping goes, at this point mac basically has all of his memories of his past life back and honestly? He kind of wishes that he doesn’t. He’s all for the knowledge side of knowledge v ignorance, but not right now. He just wants to live in this better timeline and not have to think about the fact that he doesn’t technically belong here. And maybe that’s what it all comes down to- maybe he just doesn’t belong here.

It gets mac thinking about the other version of himself who might be in his original timeline—they’re both in the wrong place and mac feels guilty for taking the “better” life from… himself… it’s a weird thing to think about but one must not underestimate the guilt that mac can put on himself (in more ways than one?? Also literally??????)

So as much as Mac doesn’t want to, he starts thinking about how he can go back to his original timeline. It’s pretty obvious that he doesn’t belong here, and now all of the people around him are being affected by his presence. And sure right now it’s just dream memory things, but what if it gets worse? What if other problems start to crop up because he’s been parading around in a universe that he doesn’t belong to?

He doesn’t dare tell Jack or anyone, but Mac thinks about how he needs to find a way out of this world for the sake of himself and everyone around him. And that brings us to everyone’s favorite emotional whump: Mac purposely distancing himself from his team (cough cough FAMILY cough cough) because he thinks that this will somehow make it easier when he eventually figures out a way to leave.

Everyone is instantly on high alert because that is!!! That is concerning sir you should get that checked out, but mac over here thinks that he’s being sly and sneaky (he is not). Mac stops holding the post mission get togethers, and because he now lives alone mac mostly just stays inside the house and slaves away in an attempt to figure out what the hell he’s even doing in this universe in the first place. At some point Mac convinces himself that he doesn’t even deserve to be here, doesn’t deserve to take advantage of the fact that jack and leanna and charlie (and james and gwen ig) are alive, even though he’s the one in the first place who saved them.

The guilt begins piling on and on and mac is purposely not seeking out help because he does genuinely think that he’s the problem here even though he isn’t!!!! 

At some point Jack finally puts his foot down and is like “okay. This has. Got to stop. Son i love you why are you so sad now :(“ but Mac just puts up his shields and lies but at the same time he’s also like “i should spend as much time with Alive Jack as i can because back home jack is dead” so he’s in this weird position of wanting and not wanting to be near jack during all hours of the day.

ANYWAY plot time surprise there’s actually plot in this part 3: The phoenix eventually figures out where the hell Gwen went after she escaped and much to Mac’s dismay, it does in fact look like she’s up to no good again, and that she hasn’t turned over a new leaf like Mac kept saying she had. This does not bode well for mac’s mental health but like cmon what actually does in my fics.

Anyway the thing that Gwen is doing is meddling with the people who made the nanobots (aka she made an agreement with the US government that she’d help them do Nefarious Things™ in exchange for her freedom, so yes she didn’t escape by herself but in fact it was aided with the government) BUT none of the Phoenix know that because in this universe they never figured out that it was the US government that was controlling the nanobots and so the Phoenix never separated and so they’re still getting fed lies that the nanobots were some terror plan.

(Basically at the point of the nanobots in this timeline, mac had all but forgotten what happened in his original timeline, so he couldn’t give hints to the team. By the time he re-remembered what the deal was with the government and the bots, it was kind of the least of his problems)

So Mac nor the phoenix know what Gwen is up to, but they did just randomly spot her on a security camera/social media post/whatever because Riley has facial rec programs running trying to find her. Despite the fact that Jack and Mac haven’t been going on many missions, Matty knows that this one is going to be important to them (bc of Gwen’s relationship to mac, again, they have no idea that the nanobots are being controlled by the government or by gwen’s new aid), so she sends them along with the rest of their big happy team: Riley, Bozer, Desi, Leanna

They all go out on an adventure to find Gwen and the whole time Mac is just so rattled because he wants to remember Gwen by what she did in his universe, by her finals moments sacrificing herself knowing that Codex was wrong and that Hey Maybe Terrorism Is Bad, but he just can’t. This is a new timeline, new universe, new Gwen.

Mac is eventually the one to corner her and is like “you don’t have to do this, this isn’t who you are,” blah blah blah, but Gwen is having absolutely none of it and is instead like “uno reverse, this isn’t who you are, you can still be on the right side of things” and mac is like “???? bestie you are on the wrong side.”

Gwen gives some self righteous speech about what the history books will remember or some shit like that (idk man every tv villain does the same thing just think of one of the pre-existing villain speeches) and then is like “it doesn’t really matter what you want or don’t want to do, we can always just control you lol” and then nanobot time teehee.

Anyway Mac and Jack wake up later, no memory of what they’ve done bc nanobots, all they know is that it couldn’t have been good. While they’re trying to get to a phone and contact the Phoenix and also try and figure out what happened while they were under control, Jack is like “we need to get these things out. I’m not letting them [the us government] control us for any longer” and mac is geared up to argue bc the whole hyperbaric chamber death thing… but then internally he’s like “wait what if this is the way that can bring me back to my universe! Perfect!” so outwardly he’s like “oof yeah i suppose so :(“

When they finally get back to the phoenix (im stil in the process of thinking about what gwen made them do via the nanobots, please stand by lol), mac casually slips in the old hyperbaric chamber idea and everyone is kind of all “...last time we suggested that you kind of panicked. And by kind of i mean a lot” so mac just shrugs and convinces them that he has since done research and believes this is the best way.

And the thing is is that mac told everyone (even desi who he told first) that he came here bc he “died” or whatever in his universe, he didn’t exactly say how… just that he did. Nobody knows that it’s because of the chamber (and if i wrote in that they did shhhhhh just pretend that i didn’t lmao. Pretend that no one knows except mac right now). 

So they set up the chambers and jack is like “see you on the other side :)” and mac is like “hahahahahHAHAHAH YEP” and is super normal about it (he is not and everyone can see through it but also they don’t really know what exactly is going on.)

So. chamber, suffocation, bad things. The nanobots leave jack’s body but not mac’s and mac is like “ah perfect just like what happened in my universe but with riley” so he has great hopes that this will work. Things go dark just like they did in the original timeline, and he’s planning on closing his eyes and when he opens them he’ll be back home…

…with most of his friends dead. But it’s fine. It’s good it’s fine it’s dandy and it’s totally worth it.

(and it doesn’t end here but i need brainstorming time to think about whether or not i actually want this to work or not work. Hmm. hmmmmmm hmm hmmm. I literally do not know yet lol. But in the mean time i just want to say you all are amazing and wonderful and i cannot believe how many people found this silly little idea of mine interesting it honestly!!!! It blows my mind and warms my heart and i just wanted to say Thank You so so much. I love you all sm <3)

Who wants to read an essay about the strangest MacGyver fic idea I've had yet

[harrywavycurly]

I just need a random ass conversation with Eddie about your child’s school calling you for something ridiculous. Thank you and I love you☺️❤️

Hiii babes!! Ask and you shall receive, I did a few because I can’t help myself and also I love you more💖

*these are indeed random and ridiculous so enjoy Eddie being a menace and also a proud girl dad*

“She wanted them” “So? She also wants a pony and to be the queen of middle earth.” “I mean there can’t be a Queen of all middle earth that’s like not a thing.” “Edward.” “Sorry but what’s the big deal? They look cool.” “She walked into preschool with a skull tattoo on her neck and a sword on her arm.” “I mean…they wash off.” “She can’t go back until they are gone.” “Oh god forbid someone wanna show a little character and individuality at that stuck up school.” “Eddie she’s four.”

“Wait she did what?” “She walked around singing a certain song that the teacher just thinks isn’t the most appropriate.” “What song?” “Wild side.” “Motley Crue? Who’s been letting her listen to that shit?” “I’m expanding her horizons Eddie don’t be rude.” “Well look at all the good that’s doing for her.”

“She can’t wear that jacket.” “Sweetheart is cold as hell outside she has to wear it.” “I’m aware how cold it is Eddie but the last time she wore that she accidentally hurt someone with the spikes on it.” “You’re fucking with me right now.” “I wish I was.” “It’s a jacket…how did she hurt someone with it?” “She’s crafty” “She’s a violent little thing isn’t she? Wonder where she gets that from.” “I’d smack you if my hands weren’t full.” “Actually I don’t wonder. I know exactly where she gets it from.”

“Guess what our genius little girl did at school today.” “Good or bad?” “Good.” “Oh that’s a switch up.” “Baby don’t say things like that she can’t help she’s just misunderstood and forced to go to that lame ass preschool.” “Eddie it’s Hawkins there’s only two preschools we got to choose from and you liked this one the best because it had a better playground. But what did she do?” “Well it was like a lesser of two evils type of choice. But she got like one of those weekly awards the teacher gives out for being helpful!” “I’m gonna cry.” “That makes two of us.” “We aren’t totally fucking up this parenting thing then huh? If she’s winning awards for being helpful.” “Nope we aren’t totally fucking it up. I’d say we are doing pretty damn good but then again she makes it easy.”

“Some little shit pushed our baby off the swing set.” “Eddie it was an accident he was pushing her and she just slid off the seat.” “Nope I’m not buying it. This was premeditated. I just know it.” “Premeditated? You’re being dramatic.” “I bet it was the same fucker who stole her crayons last week.” “Edward Munson you can’t call a little kid a fucker.” “I’m gonna get to the bottom of this.” “Please enlighten me on what you’re going to do when you find out who did it?” “I’m gonna give their parents a piece of my mind” “Oh you will?” “I mean…I’ll stand behind you while you do it…” “That’s what I thought.” “I can’t help it that our little girl’s mom is ten times more intimidating than her dad is.”

[favefandomimagines]

Lucky Charm 2 (b.b)

Summary: the first day of training proves that no one should underestimate Kimberly, especially Rooster

AN: Second installment is here!!! There is more angst in this one, we get the flashback of Kimberly and Rooster’s fall out AND Hangman being an okay human

Also, i am SO bad at writing anything action related so these flying scenes are gonna be the death of me so I’m sorry and these chapters won’t be out this late, i just got a late start adding the tags and what not

Part 1

Kimberly arrived at the base the next day after a very restless night’s sleep. The conversation with Rooster shook her up a bit and then guilt started to set in.

Was she too hard on him? He realized his mistake and wanted to fix things, should she have listened? Then she remembered the feeling she got after the harsh words he said and then the guilt went away.

When she walked into the hangar, she spotted everyone already seated. The only empty seats towards the front were next to Hangman and Rooster. Who is the lesser of the two evils? The man who thinks she doesn’t deserve her spot or the man who broke her heart?

She chose sitting in the very back by herself instead. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she stared straight ahead at the large American flag that was suspended from the ceiling.

Kimberly could feel three sets of eyes on her; Hangman, who was smirking like he won something, Phoenix, wanting to make sure her friend was okay and Rooster. Who was looking at Kimberly in a way she couldn’t discern.

Admiral Bates approached the podium at the front of the hangar and began speaking about why they were all there. But Kimberly was staring holes in the back of Rooster’s head.

It angered her that he believed he could fix all of the things that went wrong between the two of them.

Kimberly wasn’t expecting Bradley to show up at her parent’s house that evening. Her parents were having dinner and all her siblings were over with their children. She was outside playing with her niece before dinner.

She was confused when she saw Bradley’s Bronco speeding up the driveway and it startled her. “What the hell?” She muttered out loud. She saw Bradley get out of the car and she could tell he was seething.

“Um, Charlotte, go inside and wash up. Tell grandma I’ll be in soon.” Kimberly told her niece.

Bradley stormed up towards the young woman, and shamefully to say, Kimberly was scared of him in that moment.

“What’s going on?” She asked. “You knew, didn’t you? Of course you did, you’re the fucking admiral’s daughter.” Bradley sneered. “What the hell are you talking about?” Kimberly questioned.

“Maverick pulled my papers! Why didn’t you tell me? Or at least give me a heads up?” He yelled. “What do you mean Mav pulled your papers?” Kimberly scoffed.

“Don’t act all innocent and try to lie. Ice tells you everything.” He snapped. “You think I knew?” She asked, hurt flashing over her face.

“You know what, this is done. I want nothing to do with you if this is how you treat your best friend. Maybe everyone was right; you’re handed everything because of your dad.” Bradley finished, turning to walk away.

Kimberly stood there stunned, trying to process what just happened. Bradley really believed that she knew about Mav pulling his papers?

He didn’t even let her explain. And all of the things he said to her? Acting all innocent, lying, he doesn’t want anything to do with her, her dad being the reason for her current success.

It hurt hearing her best friend say those things about her. “Honey? Are you okay?” Kimberly’s mother’s voice alerted her. “I, uh, I don’t know.” She answered.

“Clover? Clover are you okay?” She heard someone say, knocking her out of her daydream. Looking up, she saw Maverick standing above her and everyone being dismissed for training.

“What? Yeah, I’m okay.” She lied. “You know you can talk to me. I may be your captain first but I’m still your uncle.” He said. “Thanks Mav.” Kimberly replied with a halfhearted smile.

Kimberly took a deep breath and went out on the tarmac for the training exercise. The goal was for Maverick to see and test the limits of the “best of the best.”

“Hey Clover!” She heard. Kimberly turned around and saw Hangman jogging towards her. “What do you want Hangman?” She asked. “What’s the deal with Bradshaw and Maverick?” He asked. “I don’t really see how that’s any of your business. And why does everyone assume I know everything?” Kimberly replied.

“Because you usually do. So what gives?” Hangman said. “It’s not my place to say and it’s definitely not your place to ask. You don’t even like Rooster.” The woman said.

“Seems I struck a nerve. You know, I’ve heard the stories about you and Rooster. Penny and Mav aren’t exactly quiet talkers.” Hangman rebutted.

Kimberly rolled her eyes, growing frustrated with the topic and she needed to focus. If she was going to prove she deserved to be there, she needed to be on her A game.

“Hey, hey wait,” He stopped her, grabbing her elbow gently. “I know I give you a hard time for being Kazansky’s daughter but Rooster was wrong. You haven’t been handed anything.” Hangman said.

Kimberly’s facial expression softened, slightly, giving him a nod. He let go of her elbow and she walked to her plane. Unbeknownst to the two of them, Rooster had seen the interaction.

It made Rooster’s blood boil, seeing Hangman’s hand on her arm. But he had no right to feel that way.

“Hey, uh, Kazansky.” Rooster called. He watched her shoulder’s deflate as she turned around. “Do you need something, Lieutenant?” She asked. “Just be careful. And try not to make all of us look bad up there.” He said.

Kimberly look at him, no expression or emotion in her face. “You too.” She replied before turning to get in her plane. ‘That’s a start.’ Rooster thought.

Kimberly was Omaha and Yale’s wingman during the training exercise and Fanboy had to go and make things interesting. He bet Maverick that loser has to do 200 push ups. She hated push ups so she’d be damned if she lost.

“Alright, Clover. We could use some of that legend shit.” Yale commented as they awaited Maverick’s entrance. “Watch and learn boys.” Kimberly replied. From inside the rec room, the rest of the aviators were listening on the radio.

Rooster smirked at the sound of Kimberly’s confidence.

The two planes were waiting with baited breath when Maverick flew in between the two planes. “Holy shit.” Kimberly cursed, regaining control of her plane.

“Where is he, Yale?” Omaha asked his RIO. “Right behind us.” Yale answered. “Help us out, Clover. He’s right on us.” Omaha said. “I got you, I’m coming.” Kimberly replied.

She came up above Maverick’s plane, trying to get a lock on him and get tones. Maverick wasn’t a legend for nothing so the task was harder than it would be in any other circumstance.

It was touch and go, all three pilots trying their best to gain an advantage on the other.

Finally, Kimberly got good tones and took her shot. Right at the same time Maverick took his.

“Yale, Omaha, you’re dead.” Maverick said. “Hate to break it to you Mav, but so are you.” Kimberly announced.

From inside his plane, Maverick let out an entertained laugh. He knew if anyone could shoot him down it would be Kimberly.

“No fucking way.” Hangman commented in the rec room. “She just shot down one of the most legendary pilots in the Navy.” Coyote added. “Who do you think helped teach her how to fly?” Rooster said. “Still think she doesn’t deserve to be here?” Phoenix spoke, not to anyone in particular.

Hangman walked out of the rec room, his turn to fly next. Phoenix and Rooster exchanged a glance before Rooster made his own exit.

By the end of training, Rooster was at what should be a maximum amount of pushups. And with the stunt he pulled, doing the cobra maneuver with Maverick, going below the hard deck, Kimberly was pissed.

The woman walked out on to the tarmac as Hondo was leaving. Rooster was still doing push ups when she approached.

“What the hell is the matter with you? Are you trying to get kicked out?” She yelled, lightly kicking his hands out from under him causing him to fall.

“I thought you didn’t care.” He rebutted, sitting down arms resting on his knees.

“You get kicked out, you leave them with me and Hangman. And we both know I’ll kill Hangman before the week is even over. I get it, you hate me, you hate Mav, but leave this shit on the ground or you’ll get someone killed.” Kimberly rambled.

“I don’t hate you.” Rooster said. “I told you I wanted to fix things. I wouldn’t do that if I hated you.” He added.

Kimberly knew she couldn’t avoid the conversation any longer or act like a bitch to put it off.

“I get that, Bradley, I do but you don’t understand what you did. This wasn’t like you forgot to pick me up or scared off my high school boyfriend. You were my best friend and I thought I was safe with you,” She started. Rooster winced at the word thought.

She thought she was safe with him, meaning she didn’t feel that way anymore. And that drove the figurative knife in even deeper.

“Then you just decided and assumed I knew something that would hurt you and I didn’t say anything. You didn’t let me explain, you just yelled at me and said some really hurtful things. You have no idea how that felt. So you can’t just say sorry and it’ll erase what you did. I’m allowed to be angry and hurt but I don’t let that effect my job. There are other people here, people I care about. So take my advice and do not bring these issues with you and Mav up there with you.” Kimberly spoke.

Rooster could see that he really did hurt her, broke a piece of her that he didn’t know if he could mend. The woman walked away and Rooster stuck his and in the inside pocket of his flight suit.

Pulling out a distressed Polaroid of Kimberly. He kept it with him even after their falling out. It was a candid photo he took of her after she graduated college.

He remembered that day like it was yesterday because it was the last happy memory he had with her. All before he ruined it.

The picture made him feel safe and hopeful. Something that showed that he had someone to get home too, even if she despised him. It made him feel lucky and he needed to get that back.

Taglist: @n3ssm0nique @glowingtree @mmkkzz @alanadetigy @letusbewildflowers @justanothermagicalsara @azure23x @luckyladycreator2 @barista-library @alana4610 @kyramaximoff @harperrbradshaw @katiemcrae @callalily2000 @mads-weasley @chaoticassidy

[texasthegreatdestroyer]

Anto, I'm calling you out for the fake ass mother fucker you are.

Just a reminder, on April 17th, Anto apologized for his involvement. It was a garbage apology, but that's besides the point:

When I called him out on his garbage and insincere apology, he insisted to me directly that he was being sincere, and I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I went out of my way to personally view him as the lesser of the evils presented in the list of creators involved in the doxxing.

Come today, I find out about this:

Towards the bottom, what do you see? Anto sims LIKING a post that misgenders Bucky by implying he is Mack, when he literally proved that Mack and him aren't the same person, as well as accusing Bucky of SUICIDE BAITING... You know what Anto. You can kindly sit and spin on a cactus you insincere prick. The sad part is, by giving this post approval, you have enabled the trolls who harassed someone to rock fucking bottom. That someone is Bucky, and Bucky is someone who despite not agreeing with paywalls loved YOUR CONTENT so much that they paid for your Patreon. They even messaged you expressing their love for your content. And this is how you repay the people who supported you? By enabling their harassers? By validating this transphobia and disgusting claims of suicide baiting? YOU DELETED THAT INSTAGRAM POST LIKE IT WAS NOTHING AFTER DEFENDING IT SO HARD AND THEN PRETENDED LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED, AND THEN YOU PULL THIS?

Fuck you Anto. You don't get to beg people to see your side of things and to forgive you for this garbage nor do you get to ask for consideration of your mental health when you clearly don't give a damn about anyone elses, because you've proven that you ARENT ACTUALLY SORRY to the people you victimized in the most vile way possible, and the sad part is, you're just as bad if not worse than the trolls. You chose to watch all of this going on from the shadows going "Woe is me! My anxiety!" expecting everyone to be sympathetic to your mental health. You know what's fucking anxiety inducing? Having your work contacted for the 4th time over fucking Sims 4 Custom Content. Mack knows all about that one, but she's the bully, right? You know what else is anxiety inducing? Having to to try and find the right words to say to talk someone down from harming themselves after they've been degraded over and over to the point they broke. Trying to fight back the words of vile individuals who insisted on jabbing deeper deeper, again, all because of bickering over CUSTOM CONTENT FOR SIMS 4. Something myself and Mack had attempted to do the best of our abilities to no fucking avail. And finally, you want another example of something really anxiety inducing? Getting harassed consistently by burner accounts seeking to get past anonymous asks, being misgendered and told you aren't a real person when you have a mental illness that makes you believe that you literally do not exist. Being called a scammer because you tried to save one of your dogs and pay for the other's euthanasia and cremation costs because it couldn't be saved all the while being told that your emotional support animals should be stripped away from you because of that unfortunate fact. Something Bucky experienced. Oh, but I'm sorry, you expect everyone else to give a shit about your mental health when you can't show some damn empathy and speak out against those blogs.

Honestly, yeah, I'm being a real bitch right now and I don't give a fuck, I'm fucking bitter and angry. I don't understand how someone can be so money hungry that they'll happily enable the harassment of a human being let alone the fact that said human being was somone who respected that individual. At this point, I don’t give a shit about the mental health of those who enable this disgusting behavior. I'm tired of the mental health excuse. Give me some reasons to truly give a fuck when yall mother fuckers don't give a damn who you hurt. That much is obvious. Either way. I just felt like I should point out how much of a two faced snake Anto is.

I don't imagine I need to say this, but I will because it's the DECENT EMPATHETIC THING TO DO. Don't attack or harass any of the troll accounts or any of the creators for that matter. If you want to criticize the creators, that's one thing, but do NOT harass them. And as for troll accounts. Just block them.

For now, here's a list of Troll accounts to go through and block. I will post new lists when I find more as to not give yall a list of accounts you may have already blocked. If you're a frequent detractor, I'd use this list. Don't let this people bully you off of tumblr. Defend yourselves.

[the-evil-duckling]

And now that Pride Month's over, Let's Talk About Pratchett.

The companies have taken down their flags. The marches and rallies are fading away. Rainbow colours are melting back into grayscale. And now that all the hubbub is dying down, let's talk about an author who did perhaps more than any other to introduce gender-and-sexual minorities to the public (and not just as a cute oddity to be cooed at from a distance, either).

Let's talk about an author whose works are perhaps the most representative, hard-hitting, and wholesome, in all of well-written English literature.

Let's talk about Pratchett.

Before we dive into the lovely little nitty-gritties, I want to just take a quick look at what Pratchett's writing really is, and what makes it so very exceptional. It's pretty simple, really.

He's funny.

That's the "secret" formula to Terry Pratchett's success across the global; he's funny everywhere, everywhen, across multiple generations and multiple decades and multiple geopolitical borders. You don't have to read Discworld with a lot of effort, thinking deeply after every line about the message the author is trying to convey. You don't have to analyze every character and every situation to see how the author is sculpting a crystal-clear mirror and holding it up to the face of Society. When I'm feeling down (cause college and life and pressure and dreams) and wanna start gouging out my forearms with my nails, I can just curl with one of my comfort books (like Men At Arms, or Unseen Academicals) and laugh and chuckle and just feel better. You can just enjoy it.

Now, I think, I can get to the fun stuff; analysing all of my favourite characters and the roles that they represent in mirroring Pratchett's view of People. (I should mention at this point that I am mainly going to be focussing on the Sam Vimes novels, and what I will be writing are my own thoughts and opinions. Anyone who knows more - or has just read/interpreted the books differently - is of course free to add their own musings.)

Fred Colon: Sergeant Colon is that rarest and yet most typical of things: Fred Colon is an ordinary person. He is no hero, or genius, or leader. He is not evil or even mildly malicious. And that is the very point that needs to be understood. People (most people) are not deliberately evil; they are, on the whole, fairly decent people who treat their friends well and try not to make enemies. It is just... petty selfishness, petty prejudices, petty apathy... all summated in every single member of the populace, and suddenly everyone knows that dwarfs are just money-grubbing bastards who'd bite your kneecaps off for a copper coin and trolls are dumber than the rocks they're made off but they'll as soon smash you to pulp as look at you and you can't trust a vampire cause they're too dead to be alive and-

Carrot Ironfoundersson: Captain Carrot is a cliché. Captain Carrot is a cliché wrapped inside a trope hidden in a Mary Sue, all turned on its head. Captain Carrot, rightful heir to the throne of Ankh, leader of all manner of beings, man who once beat Detritus in a fistfight... is not the hero of this story. In any other series, the story would have been of a brave new cop (who is also the king) standing up to the corruption and lawlessness of the Patrician while taking advice from his grizzled old half-drunk commander who dies four chapters into the first book with some vaguely portentous words that the hero remembers at the very last minute to give him the tools/strength/motivation necessary to keep fighting. But this is Pratchett. And the hero of the story, if there is one, is very much the grizzled old commander. Two other points have also always struck me about Carrot. The first is the matter of identity. Biologically, Carrot is very much a human, but in all other ways that matter he is entirely a dwarf - his name is Kzad-bhat, and even the deep-down dwarfs do not question his dwarfishness - and yet that does make him any less a human. In this is reflected the multiplicity of identity (not just of gender, which is what most people immediately jump to, but all identities). The second point is of the relationship between Carrot and Angua, which seemed to me a representation of a healthy dom/sub relationship. Unlike the twisted shit we find on ao3 (and in some published books that I don't feel that I need to name), Angua is at no point portrayed as lesser, weaker, incapable, dependent, or deferent. She is her own person, and the two of them just happen to have this kind of chemistry.

Samuel Vimes: Ahhhh. His Grace, His Excellency, The First Duke of Ankh, Blackboard Monitor Samuel Vimes, Commander of the City Watch. The protagonist, if not quite the hero, of the series. He is not perfect, not even close. He is casually discriminatory (species-ist?) and thoughtless in most of what he says. his saving graces are that his discrimination is universally applied at all beings living and dead, and that he has never, not even once, allowed his personal feelings of prejudice stand in the way of justice (which is at times, all that separates him from Fred Colon). Does that mean that it's all okay, and everything is now fine and dandy and hunky-dory? No. Not even fucking close. Words matter and actions matter and even how you feel deep inside - all of it matters. Prejudice is prejudice, and it is always wrong. there are no mitigating circumstances, no 'yes, but...' that can make it acceptable. But only an idealistic idiot would say that it is not better than the alternative. And this is the reason that Vimes is one of my favourite protagonists; he is not a hero. He is real.

Leonard of Quirm: A parody of the public perception of a genius (perhaps of Roundworld's Tesla and da Vinci), I have loved Leonard as a character ever since I realised he was gay. Allow me to elaborate. As I was recently re-reading Jingo, I noticed a line that went something like 'He started drawing how The-Going-Under-The-water-Safely-Device could be improved, piloted by a muscular man who was not overdressed'. And just like that, a couple dozen other off-hand comments slotted into place and I realized the homosexual truth. And I love this portrayal of homosexuality, because most books or movies or tv shows or fanfictions with a gay MC (or even sidekick) tend to have a storyline roughly equivalent to 'hey my name is [insert name here] and I'm GAY and I have a destiny to save the world and my family and my GAY boyfriend whom I'm dating cause I'm GAY and before I go outside I have to pick my outfit really carefully better go with salmon-rose-flutter pink cause I'm GAY and now I'm outside and I'm not very popular and this is my tragic backstory cause a lot of people don't like me cause I'm GAY and-' Yeah. This is not good writing. By barely mentioning anything, Pratchett somehow still managed to emphasise that a) homosexuality is one of your identities, not all of them and b) just because a story has a character who is gay doesn't mean that the story becomes about a character being gay.

Trev Likely: One sentence. Just one sentence. 'Hating people was too much work.'

If you actually made it this far, you are obliged to reblog. I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules. (Please?)

[helliontherapscallion]

Recovery? (Adrenaline Junkie Part 5)

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 6     Part 7     Part 8     Part 9     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: PTSD, sleep paralysis, hallucinations, swearing, mentions of death/injury, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation (marked so you can skip if it’s a major trigger for you), self harm (also marked), phantom pain syndrome

Word count: 3,722

Disclaimer: I have not experienced PTSD, sleep paralysis, hallucinations, or phantom pain syndrome, so I’m sorry if they aren’t portrayed correctly 

When a wild bird can’t fly, it’s defenseless. It feels trapped even if it can still walk away. It feels alone even if it’s surrounded by other birds. If a bird loses the ability to fly, a piece of it is missing. A piece of itself. Something that it values as something unique to it and only it. It loses most mental stimulation and becomes numb until it can feel freedom again.

It’s been about two months since you respawned and you honestly felt so restless. You wanted to fly through the sky again, feeling the air move freely between your feathers. You wanted to weave in and out of the clouds. You wanted to feel something other than fear. When you’re not scared, you don't feel anything. You missed skydiving. You wanted, no, you craved the feeling of adrenaline flowing along every little nook and cranny in your cardiovascular system.

You found out that you get flashbacks whenever you see someone or something hulky and covered in a dark green color. You still haven’t told your family about this, you thought that it was something silly to be afraid of. You tried your hardest to avoid Philza the most; he always wore his favorite color with pride. You still haven’t apologized for screaming death threats at him when you were going through an episode.

You only had one other major hallucinogenic episode since the first one, but it wasn’t as bad as the first one.

You woke up in the middle of the night with the moonlight beaming through your window illuminating the silhouette of The Warden standing in the corner of your room. You willed yourself to open your mouth to scream for your brothers, but you couldn’t move. You could only watch it. 

The telltale glowing drool fell from the corners of its wide mouth, mixing with the blood dripping off from its long claws. Its chest rhythmically glowed as the things writhing in it managed to squeeze through the small gaps between the bony confines of its ribs. The white wisps flew around your room freely, bouncing off your walls with thuds and eventually settling to float in front of your face.

You watched with wide eyes as their permanently gaping mouths struggled to form words. Somehow, you could see desperation in their empty eye sockets. A flurry of whispers met your ears, but you couldn’t make out anything they were saying. It was too jumbled. 

You heard The Warden slowly drag its feet along your carpet over to your bed. The wisps started to thrash about and scream as it reached out and scooped them all up easily with a single swipe of a hand. It shoved them into its mouth and they reappeared behind the confines of its ribcage, the screaming getting louder and more distorted as they got swallowed. Multiple voices were shrieking with agony and anguish as The Warden turned its attention towards you. It bent over and hovered its face over yours as its drool and drops of blood started to drip onto your cheeks. You felt its rancid breath fan over you. It had hints of iron and rot.

Your mind was screaming at your body to move away, but you couldn’t. You didn’t have control anymore. Your breathing picked up as you felt your heart beat out of your chest. It just hovered over you doing nothing, like it was enjoying seeing your fearful eyes. Like it enjoyed the feeling of having complete power over you.

Your breath caught in your throat as it got closer to you, its mouth getting dangerously close to engulfing your entire head. You squeezed your eyes shut and tried with all your might to move any part of your body. After a while, your head slightly moved to the side. Gradually, you worked your way up to moving your head fully to the side. You felt all your muscles activate at once as you shot up from your bed with a strangled gasp. 

You frantically flattened your body against the wall, reaching a shaking hand between the wall and mattress to grab the iron dagger you hid there. Holding it defensively in front of you, you scanned the room. There was not a single thing out of place. Everything was just as you left it before you went to bed.

You covered your mouth as sobs threatened to burst from your chest like the wisps in The Warden’s. You brought your knees up to your chest and buried your head in them. You didn’t sleep for a few days after that.

Other than the major episodes, your imagination placed The Warden everywhere you looked. You saw The Warden whenever Philza walked past you. You saw glimpses of it whenever you looked into the woods at night. You saw it behind you in the mirror reaching for your other wing. Sometimes, you thought you could hear the screams of the wisps in the distance.

Your entire family was constantly hovering over you; you always had at least one of the boys with you at all times. They wouldn’t let you out of the house. 

Out of all of your family, Wilbur was probably the lesser of the evils. He didn’t judge you or question you, he just let you do your own thing. He would softly pluck the strings on his guitar and sing to you while you would lay on his bed. Those moments were one of the only moments where you would fully let your guard down and relax. 

Hangouts with Techno were also pleasant, but he hasn’t looked you in the eyes since he helped you during your first episode. That was the only downside to it though; he would give you some of his mythology books to read or read them to you. His voice always soothed you as a kid. Sometimes, he would give you a hug when he saw that it was a rough day for you.

Tommy’s hang outs were kept to a minimal, the family didn’t trust him much because they thought his rambunctious and extrovert personality would overwhelm you. You were alone with him only twice out of the last two months. Usually, you both would lay on his bed and just talk about his life with the jukebox running softly in the background playing the discs that you and Philza gifted him during his first birthday with the family. He tried to get you to open up to him, but you always deflected. He shouldn’t know how fucked up you were, you vowed to protect him when Philza first brought him home. You would always protect your little brother, even if it was from yourself.

Before the incident, you would’ve killed to get more alone time with your father. But now, you tried to avoid Philza at all costs. You couldn’t help but see The Warden whenever you saw his tall form, green clothes, and large wings. When you had to hang out with him however, you wouldn’t look at him. You two would usually go to chop down trees or cook dinner together. 

You felt incredibly guilty that you still haven’t apologized to him for everything you’ve put him through. Whenever you brought yourself to glance at him, he was always looking at you heartbroken. You knew that the outcomes of your first death gave the entire family some form of trauma, but you saw that it hit your dad harder than the others. You did threaten to kill him in graphic ways and you did hit him in your panicked stupor. You really needed to apologize for that. You probably should tell him about your silly little fear of green. You were going to wait until he was in his pajamas to apologize; they usually didn’t have much green.

You loved your family of course, but you were always the type of person to require some alone time to function, even before the incident. You felt incredibly drained physically, mentally, and emotionally. It took you a tremendous amount of effort to get out of bed in the mornings. You didn’t see any meaning in life anymore. Everything was gray and the only thing you actually felt was fear, so you didn’t see any point in getting up. The only reason you left your bed was because your brothers would coax you out. Everyday was monotonous. 

*************************SUICIDAL IDEATION/SELF HARM*****************************

Your mind was always coming up with intrusive thoughts about killing yourself. When you did the dishes, you always imagined yourself gliding blades vertically along your wrists and just letting the blood pool out and mix with the dishwater. When you cooked breakfast, you would imagine placing your hand inside the burning flame of the stove. When you were staring out of the window at night looking for The Warden, you would imagine yourself disappearing into the woods to look for a creeper to blow you up. When you passed the potion chest, you imagined chugging poison so you could feel something before you died. Whenever you used an ore during crafting, you always thought about going back to the cave so you could be put out of your misery again. It did a damn good job at killing you the first time. Who knows, maybe The Warden would be merciful this time. The most common thought was finding a tall cliff or mountain and jumping off to finally feel the wind between your feathers and the adrenaline running through you for the last time. You daydreamed about that last one a lot.

The little scrapes you got on the little tasks given to you by your family gave you a smidge of pain. A smidge of feeling other than numbness or suffocating fear. So, in a desparate attempt to feel something, you started to cut yourself You have a dagger hidden in your room that your family didn’t know about and you constantly wore a long sleeved cloak to hide your wing so you could easily hide the cuts. It would give you some light in the dark abyss that was your current mental state. 

Sometimes, you would make small cuts on your wrists and thighs when everything was too overwhelming, but the relief it gave you wouldn’t last throughout the day. You were scared to cut deeper. You didn’t want to deal with infection or smuggling healing potions underneath your family’s noses. You would probably get caught and they’d take away the very little freedom and control you had in your life.

**********************SUICIDAL IDEATION/SELF HARM OVER*************************

You grunted in discomfort as you chopped some wood with Philza behind your house. It was a bad day for the phantom pains in your absent wing, you felt shooting pain and itchiness along where it was supposed to be all day long. You heard him pause his actions and walk over to you. When he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, you squeezed your eyes shut as you remembered the way he grabbed you the day you respawned.

“Are you alright hun?”

Shrugging off his hand, you continued to chop lumber. “I’m fine Dad.”

“Are you sure? You looked like you were in pain.”

You sighed, “It’s… it’s just a bad day for the pain.”

“Where does it hurt? I can go grab you a potion.” 

He sounded like he always did when he talked to you, concerned. You wanted to be treated like a normal person again. You didn’t like it when your family walked on eggshells around you constantly, it made you feel like a stranger in your own home.

“My right wing hurts. And potions don’t help, I’ve tried that. There’s nothing you can do.”

He paused for a second. You imagined him furrowing his brows and tilting his head lightly to the side as he contemplated what you said. It was the first time you opened up to him about anything. “...Your wing still feels things?”

You grunted as you swung the axe down onto the log, “Yeah, it feels things sometimes. It’s mostly a shooting pain or an itching sensation where I don’t have a wing. There’s nothing I can do about it, so I’m learning to live with it.”

“How long has this been happening?”

Your mind flashed back to the conversation you two had a year ago. “Since I lost it.”

“Why don’t we turn in for the night? The sun is starting to set and we’ve got enough wood to last us a week.”

You silently nodded and bent over to pick up the logs you chopped. Grabbing as much as your arms could hold, you put the planks into the chest next to the back door. Turning around to grab more, you jumped back when your eyes met with Philza’s chest. His hand was outstretched towards you. You hugged your body as you looked away from him. 

“(Y/n), you’re not okay. Please just let me help you.”

“...I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m fine.”

“You haven’t spoken to anyone about your emotions, bottling it up isn’t good hun.”

“That’s because I don’t have anything to talk about.”

He sighed, “Why don’t we get your brothers to cook dinner so we can have a little chat. Meet me in your room.”

Wordlessly, you walked back into the house and straight up to your room. Sitting on the bed, you put your head in your hands as you waited for the inevitable vulnerability. After a couple of minutes, you heard a gentle knock on your door. It opened to reveal your dad smiling at you.

Glancing back at your hands, you slipped your hand under the sleeve of your cloak to pinch the skin so you could try to ignore him when he walked over to sit next to you. You turned your head away from him. 

You felt the mattress shift under his weight when he sat next to you. You felt his breath tickle the top of your head as he spoke to you, “please, talk to me.”

“I’ve already told you, there’s nothing to talk about Dad.”

“...You’ve been seeing The Warden whenever you look at me, haven’t you?” He sounded so broken. It must be hard to have your own child avoid you because you reminded them of their murderer. 

You were quiet for a few moments while you battled against the tears that threatened to leak from your eyes. Swallowing thickly, you shakily said, “I’m sorry Dad, I’m so sorry. I-I see it when I see you. I see it everywhere.”

“Hey,” he gently said, “it’s alright. Nothing’s your fault, you can’t control it. Is there anything… specific that reminds you of it?”

“...Yeah, I see it vividly when I see something tall and… and dark green. I can’t help but to see it when I see you.”

He felt his heart sink. He always wore green, no matter the day. He was basically torturing his child just by being around them. God, what kind of father was he if he didn’t realize that sooner? He felt like a failure. 

You spewed reassurances at him when you heard his breath hitch. “Dad, it’s not your fault, you didn’t know about it. It’s just a stupid fear and it’s my fault for not getting over it. I-I’ll do better. I can-”

“Stop. Nothing is your fault and it’s certainly not stupid. You’re traumatized, (y/n), you’re traumatized and it’s nobody’s fault except The Warden’s,” it sounded like he was trying to convince himself. “Would you feel more comfortable if I changed clothes?”

“You- you don’t have to. I don’t want you to change anything because of me.”

“(Y/n), I’m your father. I’ll do anything if it means you feel better, I want to help you get better. Changing what I wear isn’t a big deal. I’ll be right back.”

“You really don’t have to, Dad.”

“Nonsense, I’m going to go change. It’s really not a big deal.”

He stood up and speed walked out your door. You felt awful, he was changing because of you. Because you were scared of a fucking color. You needed to get a grip. You were weak. 

The door opened again to reveal Philza dressed in an old white t-shirt and gray sweatpants. His wardrobe was very limited when it came to colors other than green; it was strange seeing him in anything but green. You felt a little more at ease around him, but you still couldn’t look him in the eye. You still felt guilty.

Sitting next to you again, he fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “It’s been a while since I’ve worn these, I uh forgot how comfy they are.”

You two sat in an awkward silence. It was obvious that he was lying to you about liking them. He was shifting his wings around uncomfortably and shifting on the mattress. With wings, it was hard to find fabric that didn’t irritate the base of the wing. The base of the wings were more sensitive than any other body part.

“You’re lying.”

“Lying? About what hun?”

“About being comfortable. They’re irritating your wings aren’t they? This is why you shouldn’t change anything about yourself for me, I just screw things up for everyone.”

“No you don’t-”

“Yes I do, Dad. Let’s be honest here, I’m a complete fuck up. I mess up everything I’m near. I messed up the family. Everything’s different because of me.”

He moved to kneel in front of you, placing both his hands firmly on your shoulders.

“Look at me, (y/n).”

When you didn’t make any move to look up from your tightly clasped hands, he gingerly moved your chin up and put his hand back on your shoulder. His face was stern and his blue eyes were blazing. Oh god, you really fucked up didn’t you? You knew you shouldn’t have told him anything.

“You are not a fuck up. Do you hear me? You. Are. Not. A. Fuck up.”

“But-”

“Ah,” he sharply chided, “I’m not done. You aren’t a fuck up. You couldn’t control what happened to you. You didn’t know that you’d die when you went into that cave. You didn’t know that you’d lose a limb. You didn’t mess up the family, you could never, ever, do that… (Y/n), change was bound to happen sooner or later. Everything changes, that’s just how life works. Even if we didn’t want change, it’s inevitable.”

He could tell from your bloodshot eyes and wobbling chin that you were about to cry, it was always your tell as a child. In that instance, he saw you as the kid that came running to him after you scraped your knee. An innocent kid that always saw the good in the world. He pulled you into his chest and gently wrapped his wings around you, humming the song he would sing to you when you had a nightmare as a child.

“It’s alright, hun, let it out.”

You finally broke, throwing your arms around him and sobbing into his chest. Your body shook with muffled sobs as you released all the pent up emotion you’ve been deprived of in the last two months. It felt nice to talk to your dad again, to be close to him again. For the first time in two months, you felt completely safe. Your dad will always protect you. 

“It’s been so hard Dad,” you blubbered out. “I don’t know what to do. I’m broken, Dad. I can’t be fixed. I feel so empty.”

“Hun, no. You can be fixed, it just takes time. We’re here for you. Me, Technoblade, Wilbur, and Tommy. We’re always going to be here for you no matter what. We’ll help you.”

You fell silent as your body convulsed with silent sobs. You two sat there for what seemed like hours before you finally ran out of tears. You pulled back from him and wiped at your snotty nose.

“I never apologized for what I said to you two months ago. I-I shouldn’t have said any of those things. It hurt you in ways that I’ll probably never understand, and… I’m sorry Dad.”

“(Y/n), you don’t have to apologize. You were scared and you were trying to protect your brothers. That was really brave of you to do, I’m proud of you.”

You threw yourself at him again in a tight, one-winged hug. He chuckled as he hugged you back.

“…Thank you Dad, for everything.”

“Anything for you,” he glanced at the clock you made on your wall. “It’s almost dinner time, let’s go see if your brothers burnt down the kitchen.”

You genuinely smiled at that, remembering the last time your brother cooked together. It was a couple of years ago when you and Philza were coming back from visiting a nearby village. Philza thought it was a spectacular idea to give your brothers the task of cooking dinner. That day, you two came home to a fire engulfing the entire stove and your brothers arguing about whose fault it was. Since then, they weren’t allowed to cook together.

“That’s a good idea, remember the last time they cooked together?”

He chuckled. “Don’t remind me, I nearly pulled out all my feathers cuz of the stress it gave me. I think it even gave me a few gray hairs.”

You snorted. “Well, they’re quiet. Too quiet. We need to go down there before they burn down the house.”

He kissed your hair before you stood up and started to walk to the kitchen. He followed suit, throwing an arm over your shoulders and pulling you into his side. Surprisingly, they didn’t burn down the kitchen. Instead, they actually cooked dinner well. Some of it was burnt, but to their credit, they hadn’t cooked together in a while.

At the dinner table, you felt like you were part of the family again. You laughed with your brothers when Philza scolded them for something they said. You felt like there was a giant weight lifted off from your shoulders. Of course, you were still traumatized and had other issues you had to work out, but now you knew you had your family to help you through it. You wouldn’t ask for anything different.

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[storyofasub]

any advice how to deepthroat?

This probably won’t work for most people and/or is too fucked up.

But the first time a dick went so far down my throat that I panicked, I KNEW I would get fucked up if put my hands on him/pulled away/took him out of my throat where he wanted to be. So it was… survival instinct? Lesser of two evils?

So even though I haven’t been in that situation for a while, sometimes I pretend in my head and centre myself to feel like it’s not that bad 🙂

But also, feeling uncomfortable is sorta my ideal a lot of the time so. Again, fucked up.

Ok ok maybe my relatively more normal motivation is that I wanna give him the best orgasm of his life and my mouth gotta feel like a second pussy, so how else am I gonna do that?

Aite practical advice, you gotta actively work on relaxing not tightening up your throat cuz you’re expecting it to feel bad. Ya know….. just like anal? Lol. Once you relax it and open up it genuinely feels better. The other thing is don’t try to breathe while it’s down there cuz you’re gonna feel like you’re drowning and more likely to panic. Take a slow controlled deep breath before it goes all the way down then just hold it and focus on him while he’s down there. Like when you take a deep breath to explore underwater ☺️

………does any of that help? Sorry 🥲😂