#sorry I'm so negative lately
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I've felt so lonely and isolated here lately. I know it's literally all in my head, because everyone here loves me. 💅 but just because somethings all in your head doesn't mean it doesn't bother you. 💔
#sorry I'm so negative lately#I just can't help but feel like I don't really have a place on here anymore#I remember back when I was more heavily in the PATD fandom there was SO MUCH drama and fighting#there isn't really a Panic! fandom anymore because the fans got too divided#at some point the Swiftie community became my “thing”#but I don't really feel like I belong here either#last year was fine#but lately I've felt isolated from all my moots#although you know what they say: don't trust your brain late at night#I'll go to bed now#my thoughts#she speaks!
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i'm super super low motivation for social stuff lately, so if you see me posting & i'm not answering dms from you. i just want to say: i'm sorry. i'm not intentionally ignoring anyone. i'm just a little overwhelmed with messages at the moment & it feels exhausting to talk to people at the moment. i really don't mean to come off as an asshole or like i'm ignoring anyone. i just have been having a tough time with my mental health the past week - it's never intentionally ignoring anyone to make them feel bad - i PROMISE.
#ℕ𝕆 𝕆ℕ𝔼 𝕄𝔸𝕂𝔼𝕊 𝕀𝕋 𝕆𝕌𝕋 𝔸𝕃𝕀𝕍𝔼 / out of character.#my spoons for answering DMs at the moment is like zero & i just can't figure out why#i felt so good for like a few months & now i'm hitting a weird low point#so i'm really sorry to everyone i am slacking off with ;A; but i still promise i want to be friends with everyone#and i'm not intending to be an asshole or anything of that sort#i'm just really really tired as of lately & it has NOTHING to do with the people who are talking to me - it's me not you guys !!!#personal post tw#negative tw
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Very funny how at the beginning of the year I would tell myself stuff like I'm gonna post here more often! With no shame!
And in reality I get scared and immediately crawl onto my little cave-ajdnsdjdn
#pan rambles#I'm sorry everyone </3 I am just. scares little creature#*scared#Also ngl lately I've been pretty anxious about some irl stuff#So it's been directly affecting how I've been feeling lately-akfnsdksmsn#That self worth has taken a majot dip as a result-#Afjsnfjsnfjdn Just struggling to feel like my f/os would like me y'know?#It's like a mix of “Oh they wouldn't think I'm all that noteworthy. Uninteresting in every way imaginable”#and “Yeah if they did know me then they'd find me incredibly annoying or just wouldn't want to talk to me at all”#Not a fun time I will admit!#Anyways apologies for getting all sad near the end there-#I intended to post something more happy today but negative feelings sure can negative
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"leaks" "ugh hoohooey bleepo suffering for the 458353957938th time :((" "LEAKS LEAKS LEAKS" "oh my gooosh here's bloobie toopso fight one billionth um here's why snurble solos and will dominate" "wow hoping that meepie teepie doesnt like die or whateverLOL" "guys wurplemurple is a better ship than meepsiclepoopsies because blablablah" "kinda dgaf about snurble's character. can i see more of wurplemurple" "guys did you see the leak where pleepo kills woomble and-" DO YOU GUYS EVEN ENJOY THIS FUCKING SHOW I SWEAR TO GOD YOU GUYS ARE SO. FUCKING. BORING!!!!!!!!!
#cobra kai negativity#been drinking a shit ton of haterade scrolling through this BORING tag lately where NOBODY discusses ANYTHING COOL or CREATES ANYTHING FUN.#fucking BOO YOU GUYS!!! BOO!!! NONE OF YOU ARE FUN!!#we're five days until the finale and half my twitter mutuals cant be fucking patient for the ending of a tv show because the marketing...#...team couldn't be fucking bothered to get us EXCITED ENOUGH FOR IT!!#i'm sorry this is so angry asdfghjkl im just really angry about the state of fandom culture as a whole now ahahahaha. but this#this is genuinely stupid behavior. literally get your heads outta your buttcracks#people are so fucking bloodthirsty to consume art and never give back to the creators who put blood heart and soul into it#and i am not talking about those writers.#the actors and choreographers and every other person on that set working hard to make this show a reality#+ all the genuine fans who make an effort to build a wonderful community of creativity and connection#fuck this. i haven't seen none of that in days.#(or maybe. i'm just. MISERABLE.)
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the amount of anxiety this site gives me lately is ridiculous
#like my heart pounds opening the app????????#am i ok#the answer is no#just consistently feeling afraid of letting everybody down#there are so many of you#and most of you are kind and supportive and lovely#but there are some who make being here very difficult#just wish things felt like they did in march when i first started#anyway i'm depressed and lonely merry christmas#sorry everything i post lately is so negative bruh#it just be like that in my brain rn#c
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Been thinking about idw1's outliers lately, and how sort of wild the whole concept is from a worldbuilding standpoint, and it struck me that most confirmed outlier abilities tend to be really useful, or flashy, or powerfully dangerous, and few to none tend to be like, really boring, or totally impractical, or even entirely useless? Which, doesn't really make sense when considering the fact that outlier abilities are seemingly random.
Surely not everyone who's born an outlier gets something useful?
And I don't mean like, "good" useful, but any sort of useful, even if that means you can kill people with your voice, or give a power boost by exploding yourself, those are still "useful".
But surely there had to be some with abilities that were totally impractical, or nonbeneficial, or at the very least just insignificant or purely aesthetic and pointless?
#mods. enhancements. and artificial outlier abilities are a different thing. with plenty of room for error and drawbacks#but being born inherently an outlier by the sheer whim of. idfk. primus or the planet itself. what's the chances there???#this definitely has to have been discussed before. i'm just too lazy to dig for it rn. but yeah. its a fascinating concept either way#idw transformers#tf idw1#mtmte#lost light#maccadam#maybe thundercracker's sonic booms count. but those have some use. also its funky. so he gets a pass i think#i had more thoughts about this earlier when i first jotted the thought down. but ive forgotten them now >:/#basically its just funny to think of like. shockwaves school and all. going around like ''what can you do?''#and you've got the group we see in the flashback. and then like. some guy whos like ''...i can change the color of energon''#or like. ''i can float! but only like... three inches off the ground''#i cant think of every example. but go down a list of useless superpowers and there ya go#omg. wait. if rewinds whole color changing deal was legitimately a outlier thing. i guess he would count#also. in a similar vein. its really funny to think of outlier abilities as like. stats and stuff? plus 1 to so and so but negative 1 to etc#so abilities had a sort of cost. this is smth ive seen here and there in fics and stuff. and its great.#but its sorta funny to think of working in the opposite way too#take misfire as an example. bcs its funny. negative boost to aiming. but positive boost to evasion#less of a chance to hit smth. but also less of a chance to be hit by smth#idk lol. sorry. ive been doing a lot of gaming lately bcs ✨️stress✨️. so ive got a lot of dumb stats rolling around in my head lmao#also its 4am. so... coherence has long gone to bed before me lol#struggling to sleep again tonight. but more so for anxiety reasons. all these federal job changes are hitting very close to home rn#it'll probably be fine tho. probably. got a lot of other personal shit to worry about anyways. like my fucking medical files being tossed?!#tricare when i get you. when i fucking grt you omg. i didnt even serve. why am i suffering omfg#sorry... thats off-topic. so its probably best i uh. put myself to bed. at 4am. so. goodnight and good morning 🥲👍#tf idw#tf worldbuilding
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trying to work on art for antony's birthday today (he's 3 years old 😭) but i'm just. really tired and can't focus and it probably won't get done before the night's over :c
i know i can post some kind of belated thing instead but that always feels Bad to me hhhh. i just wanted to celebrate my boy on the day that he was initially created, you know? ;n;;
#i can never seem to draw character birthday art#because i struggle to get anything done#so i dont have faith in myself to be able to get this pic done#i tried to make it easier on myself by doing a redraw but even tho i'm copying a pic i already drew its still difficult#hgfgndfgjkn#brain fog has been so bad#spectre says#text post#delete later probably#sorry for the negativity#its just been really rough lately.
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everyone is being so pessimistic about frubbo jesus christ...
You guys are all entitled to your opinions but holy shit you are depressing the fuck out of me acting like there's zero possibility of frubbo later and acting like tubbo doesn't want fred in his life anymore
Maybe this is just me being emotional or something but... I feel like the love is worth it even if it has risks. And we all know tubbo prioritizes sunny over anything so it's not like him choosing between her and fred will ever be a thing...
The frubbo arc continuation shouldn't happen now bc it won't fix tubbos abandonment issues obviously but like... that doesn't mean it can't pick back up later
Maybe I'm reading too heavy into your words but it is not completely doomed. I feel like there were so many chances to kill fred if they wanted to ultimately end the arc...
#txt#qsmp#frubbo#It is late for me and I'm feeling emotional sorry if this sounds mean but I am upset and tired of so much negativity
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finally dragged myself at least part of the way out of my pit of despair only for my jaw pain to start up again. sick.
#i actually can't catch a fucking break!!!!#barely slept. couldn't get BACK to sleep. finally had to cave and crawl out of bed#i am in sensory hell i hurt sm that i'm so close to crying and i'm extra sensitive to noise#but i can't put in my earplugs or wear my headphones bc the pain goes right up the side of my head#so i just have to rawdog all the sounds of the apartment and adgjgkahfsh#complaining so i don't just fucking scream!!! sorry for being the most annoying on the dash lately!!!!#i'll be around if i can get even a little bit comfortable at some point but i can't focus on anything rn ajdkhdkg#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#negative cw#personal cw
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I was really thinking about if I would ever be comfortable merging my art accounts and I don't think I will. At least not unless I did a full rebrand which I'd really rather not since I'm very happy with how things are situated now.
But I think it boils down to acceptance seeking. I've been socially isolated for a very long time and it's difficult. Even back when I first started drawing au stuff years ago, I contemplated making a separate blog for it because I knew how many ut fans didn't really like the aus. I didn't want to alienate any of the "audience" I'd already built but I also knew there would be a turning point I would just wind up barely posting on one account or the other and it would feel like trying to limp half the time on one leg and then limp the rest on the other, which would be pointless.
But with mirrorshipping (selfcest) being a much more universally contentious topic, I got worried it would only deter people even more. I certainly didn't want to lie about it, especially bc I don't associate it with prshipping the way some others do, so it's not really that im "ashamed" of it, or want to hide it, just that I know it's the kind of thing that's very likely to make some who just walked in turn right back around.
To some degree, as someone who hopes to one day make a career out of being an independent artist, it makes sense to prioritize "growth" over personal satisfaction, but on the other, I've always struggled to care about that sort of thing. Any time I've cared about "alienating" a potential "audience", it's always been more about personal acceptance. I don't want people to see one little aspect of myself or interests and judge me entirely based off of that, even though that's all anyone really can do on the internet. I don't take blocking personally, despite how the prior sentiment seems to contradict that, I get it, I block all the time too, for a variety of reasons. But if there's a chance there're others who don't really mind that I mirrorship, they just don't want to see it or have to block the tag, I don't want them to feel turned away or annoyed, and so I kept it all to a separate account.
There are a few other reasons I won't really get into, too, like how people often do associate it with prship, and how I don't really want to draw that type of a crowd to my main blog, either, but I know in my heart it's the acceptance/approval seeking that was the biggest motivator.
I really honestly wish I knew how to connect with others beyond just trying to "do things right" and hoping that earns me positive attention. I really wish I didn't always feel like my only chance at affection is to improve what I can offer in return.
#some sleep deprived introspection#will probably delete later I've just been feeling exceptionally isolated lately and thinking about it a lot#and for some reason posting about it despite it technically being something I would normally never do#let's get a round of applause for sleep deprived poor decision making 👍👏#or I guess not really poor just something that would embarrass more sane me#sorry about this man#not a vent btw just kinda musing out loud#or maybe I guess it is a vent bc it is still personal negative feelings in a way#I just mean in the sense I'm like. fine. just a little sad haha#sunny with clouds#cw selfcest#selfcest#selfcest ment#juuuust in case#I guess I also had a bit of an unusually uncertain response to my own interest bc I've never really shipped before At All. so like.#that made it feel even weirder and more out of place even to Me yk. idk
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sooo like finals r over now
thank god its xmas break now
#hello! uhhhh yea#had to shut myself out from tumblr because i cant lie. my academic grades gone to shit and it was really upsetting#and SOMEONES monitoring my grades ykykyk#unfortunately i dont think i improved that much. combined with my worsening mental health to be honest but... life is life#i dont know. ive been such a mess lately and i didnt want to project my negative emotions hard here so i just stopped posting#i dont like venting here as much and i try to limit it because i dont want to put my irl vulnerability out there#at least i dont have to dwell on it now. for NOW at least#i dont think im venting? right now? im just explaining how ive been i 'spose#i was in bluesky during my absence here and its going ok. idk when ill redownload tumblr app but ill try to pop in here more often#i'm sorry for acting very cold for awhile - its just been difficult for me#~ rambling#but at least i can focus on less stressful things now
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feeling a little down about myself & my blog lately, i cannot lie.
#ℕ𝕆 𝕆ℕ𝔼 𝕄𝔸𝕂𝔼𝕊 𝕀𝕋 𝕆𝕌𝕋 𝔸𝕃𝕀𝕍𝔼 / out of character.#i don't feel like i'm good enough nor that people really want to interact with me lately - i know half of it is my own fault#for not replying to ask memes quick enough & i know i get a ton of those - but idk it feels exhausting to not have like .#someone who is ride or die with me about our muses i guess. feels lonely. is the best way to describe it.#i feel like i'm constantly having to fight for my position in people's zones & it's getting really exhausting to me.#which is mainly why i don't bother being active so much lately; i feel as if i've lost interest in chasing people who don't care about -#whether i'm here or not i suppose#maybe it sounds like i'm just whining & i should be happier but i don't know#tumblr hasn't been exciting for me in a hot minute i won't lie#negative tw#vent tw#tbd /#sorry for this super honest vent but it's just how i'm feeling
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I feel bad but I agree, the beard looks so bad on him 🫣(hides) I’m sorry! I love him but i just don’t get it 😭(runs away) I know it’s a me problem. Beards just truely gross me out 90% of the time. No hate! Not a big deal just a me thing clearly lol glad you guys are having fun though💙
But nonnie, the beard doesn't look bad on him - you're grossed out by beards and don't like this look. There's a distinct difference there. (Also, he has a beard 90% of the time?) I'm glad you don't mean to hate, but I have to admit I don't see the point of sending me this ask. You know I LOVE the beard and I love this look, so why would you feel the need to let me know that you hate it? I'm sure it wasn't your intention to make me feel bad, but you kinda did, a little bit.
So please, and this goes for everyone who follows me and sends me asks: if you don't have anything nice to say about the boys' looks, please don't say anything at all? You're entitled to your opinion, but I'd really rather not hear unnecessary criticism of their appearance (I frankly think it's a little bit rude), and particularly of a look that I have made very clear I love.
ALWAYS feel free to send me messages about things you do love about Chris and Seb or their looks, though! Those messages are always appreciated because I do very much love to love on them with you guys 🥰 Thank you for understanding 💛
#big personal pet peeve sorry#been getting quite a few negative comments on their looks lately#some of them clearly trolls so they just get blocked#but also some like this ask#and I'm a little tired of it#I don't mean to be harsh but I just felt like I maybe had to clarify this again (as I have in the past)#chris evans#minnie answers
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hi, just letting you know that ahmed 90s-ghost doesn't verify fundraisers anymore! he quit after it got too overwhelming, so you shouldn't @ him asking him to. you can probably find the post about it by searching his blog.
Thanks for letting me know, Anon...
I get it... I REALLY do.
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I understand. Y'know I used to be so excited to get Asks. It means someone wants to talk about art and silly cartoon characters with me. But now all I feel is dread. Not because I don't want to help, but because the help I give is never enough. I used to privately mesage back to those Asks, but one became 6 became 10 to... Well. I can't donate. Euros and dollars are valued a lot higher here, thus the opposite is also true. The value of our money is but a paltry bread's worth and even if I split it in crumbs, with the amount of people who approach me for help, it'll soon run dry, but I'm just a student who still rely on my parents financially. So I thought I'd share instead, but that quickly got out of hand. I post one thing and get multiple asks by the HOUR. I already had to apologize for struggling to meet demands before and I only had 3 or 6 rare to come-by short Asks about art. Now I have a hundred and counting I have to check personally. I didn't want to admit it, but I've also long been overwhelmed. I just didn't feel like I had the right to say so. I still don't. But the truth is, anyone can say they're verified too, which is terrible because not only will I be partially responsible for my followers who got scammed by bots or scumbags who take advantage of those at war with fake fundraisers, but even worse is that the help and money may not even reach those who actually need it. I thought I would be fine the first time. I don't really like posting too much about our depressing reality or watching news in general because my account was supposed to be a "safe SPACE" and a "nice little BUBBLE" for us to be happy and escape for awhile, so I didn't think much about reblogging it at first. I only wanted to help. But it just kept going and I got swept away. There's so many of them, but there's only one of me and I've been spiraling lately. So for now, I will no longer take any Asks about this subject (which I always avoid mentioning directly because the algorithm has it out for putting you guys down and I wanted you all to make it so I didn't tag those reblogs as such). I'll still take Asks provided they're related to my actual content and of course I'll still support raising awareness for Pal est ine, yet I also get it if this may appear selfish to some of you. I tried. I really did. But if you'd rather ignore, unfollow, or block me for this decision, I understand. I'm just sorry it had to come to this and that I wasn't strong enough to help more. -Bubs.
#I'm so very sorry#asks#thank you for your hard work 90s-ghost#I hope you're doing better now#war serves no one#I know a lot of people needs help#but I can't keep up with the demand anymore#I'm feeling burned out and college just started back up again#I know I'm lucky to live the life that I do and I shouldn't get to complain#but I've been spiraling lately cause it's a thankless job that reminds me quick and repeatedly that I can't save everyone#I'm sorry for the onslaught of negativity from me lately#this wasn't what I made my account for#but I'll be back to making more content sooner than you think#it makes me happy and now I REALLY need that escape too#I know I'm a coward who's likely dooming people#I'm disappointed in me too#feel free to unfollow me#but never forget to support those families in need#they're just desperate to live like the rest of us#and please don't harass anyone because of this#that's the LAST thing I want to happen#I want to help them too but I'm stretched thin here#one person can't do this all on their own#so let's support each other instead and unite for this cause#I don't want this war. I don't want this discord.#the ones who does are monsters#people's lives are at stake and even if I barely helped#the same cannot be said if the lot of us were to do our part#please help these victims of war#but let's not forget we're not on our own.
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I still remember someone doing parent hcs and for either Floyd or Jade or both they were like "it doesn't matter whether you want a kid or not, you're having one"
And I just
No?
Is that supposed to be funny?
The tweels wouldn't do that to their partner????
Forcing your partner to have a bio child they don't want is literally rape? And if it isn't a bio kid it's abusive af
They're high schoolers that are kinda bullies that doesn't equal literal rape and abuse?
#quinn quips#rant#tw rape mention#rape rw#floyd leech#jade leech#octavinelle#twisted wonderland#i'm sorry for being so negative lately#but this sort of thing is getting on my nerves#they're little shits but theyre not monsters#“they're mermen” is not an excuse either wth#abuse tw
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#sorry for being negative lately yall#been going through it#but I have now got motovation to improve#i finished the last comm i needed to#now I'm going to try and practice and watch art tutorials to improve#so then I can reopen comms in the future#so I can start saving towards top surgery!!!!!#I've been so nervous thinking it's to late for me to get surgery but it's not!#i gotta work hard
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