#somewhere you have never travelled
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a few more because I literally cannot restrain myself from screencapping this man badly
#looking respectfully?? NEVER HEARD OF HER#using his chest as a pillow every single night#my coloring is awful but who cares????#the subject is BEAUTIFUL#sculpted by the gods using a blueprint i dreamed up#squeezing his arms would fix me#you can't see me in these photos but i'm actually just offscreen#being forcibly restrained from throwing myself on him and using my tongue on every inch of him#then we become lovers plot an escape and go live peacefully somewhere#we're married and live in a little cottage and raise crops and never have any problems ever again#and we have like twenty kids because i can't keep my hands off him#i will rewrite the stars and time travel for decades to get to him#just let me be his love#i love him SO MUCH it's not even a joke anymore#driving myself up the walls with desire for him#have you SEEN his neck???#i am kissing it so gently as we speak#and his tunic is long gone btw i have no use for it if it's coming between me and my love#i hope no one actually reads all these tags#i don't even know what i'm talking about anymore#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe#low quality screencaps of a high quality man
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i gotta fly to delhi today on my own from chennai and the way i am already preparing for the security check to pull my carry on bag into secondary inspection...
#kat liveblogs her life#kat travels#no matter how hard i try my carry on never makes it through indian security#everywhere else in the world?? no issues#india? A BILLION problems#one time they didn't like my umbrella#i have finally learned after repeated attempts to just put my jewelry in my check-in#my business cards made them think i was carrying a ton of cash#not to mention you have to remove EVERY wire and electronic#and if god forbid you forget even one in your bag it is a Crisisâą#typing this out just reminded me to put my external hard drive somewhere easy to grab it lol#at least once i'm in delhi i'm meeting up with other people#so for the rest of my flights this trip i'll be with other people#and we can lament together
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"We should call out Egypt & Jordan for not accepting Palestinian Refugees"
Baby girl you can't even call out genocide that's happening live on your screens in full color. Sit down.
#if the Palestinians leave then its 1948 all over again and they will never be able to come back#we learned the first time that if we leave then we have no rights to return#we dont want to leave#we want them to stop killing us#its not that hard to understand but sure blame others blame everyone except the ones killing us let me know how that works out for you#tw: genocide#palestine#current events#sometimes I actually feel insane bc you do know thats what they want right? thats exactly what they want#they want us to leave#they want to make it hell for us to ever set foot on our land#did you know that if you are Palestinian and anytime you travel even with legal documents in or out of the country#they can stop and harass you?#did you know anytime I travel I have to account for at least 4 hours of interrogation at an airport? and I have legal documents#I account 4 hours bc thats the longest time they've held me in a windowless room#anyways im so done with people who do not understand the history every fucking year its the same thing: just go somewhere else#we dont want to go somewhere else
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#i dont like travel much but can someone take me to italy to see michelangelos david i need to see him before i die#he's been the associative object (object. object) for my current brain spiral. the one i wrote that whole essay on the other day#the imitation of a human body the representation of a human body#i think i want to go somewhere i can see more sculptures representative of human beings in general#to cause myself more symbolic or metaphorical pain#the fenced off representation of a human body. you cannot touch it.#you cannot touch the statue. but also. you ARE the fenced off untouched statue.#desire and the desired and being an object and having and being a body and being and not being human#i want to be frozen in marble on the pedestal i want to be the pedestal i want to topple off the pedestal#the human body the human body the human body#âŹ
ïž saying this all deliriously as if dying in your arms from blood loss#talkys#im not sure how to feel about the thoughts that have been swarming my brain lately but i feel like it could be made into art#if i were smarter#its like silkworms in their cocoon#in the way i would have never been the person to discover how to get silk from them i hate that i cant spin any of this into#something tangible and meaningful and poetic and real#i want to make art i want to be art i need someones hands to pull the fibers from my untouched brain#he's like a doll to me. i am a doll to me.#đș
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Just watched Fury from the Deep and I love Victoria's exit so much it breaks my heart. She's so worn down by their travels always ending up full of danger and death and her always being put in the position of damsel in distress. She really doesn't want to leave jamie and the doctor but she doesn't want that life and I love that it let's her make that choice. And I love that Jamie's concerned she won't be happy living in, what is to them, the future but she acknowledges she's changed too much to go back to Victorian England, and she's highly unlikely to get back there anyway, not without more death and danger. That the doctor changes his mind about slipping away in the night and agrees to stay another day so Victoria can think about her decision properly without feeling as pressured. The fact that she knows the doctor won't say a proper goodbye because that's his way. The way she stands on the beach watching them row out to the tardis, knowing she'll never see either of them again. The fact she doesn't go back to the tardis with them to collect her belongings. Jamie's "I don't care where we go next" because he's miserable that Victoria made that decision. The Doctor's "I was fond of her too, you know" which is the closest he'll get to admitting how much he cares about them all. I just love it
#i just have so many thoughts about her#i love that the story builds to her exit with her saying shes tired of being frightened and asking why they never end up anywhere nice#her exit's similar to tegans in that theyre both worn out and sick of it but i love where tegans exit is impulsive#and very much in the heat of the moment#you see victoria considering it throughout the episode even though she cant bring herself to say it to jamie and the doctor#and yeah i just love that we get to see the travelling take its toll bc when you get down to it she is just a kid who never signed up#for any of this#and where new who companions get breaks between adventures and have lives outside the doctor#classic who companions dont get any of that by virtue of the 'the doctor cant control the tardis' so the doctor and his lifestyle is all#they have#and it goes even more so for victoria bc shes one of the orphaned companions who has nowhere to go back to#(sidenote i was thinking the other day about how many classic companions have nowhere they want to go back to particularly with 1 2 and 5#which fits with the whole 'cant control the tardis so they cant ever go back so we better make companions who dont want to'#idk i just love that so many of the classic exits are companions finding a new home/realising they can do good in this new place#like they can never go back to their old home and they end up with their temporary tardis family until they find somewhere new to call home#and ik we rarely see the outcomes of these decisions so we dont know if they were the right ones but still)#anyway this was about victoria#in conclusion: i love her and her exit#doctor who#victoria waterfield#jamie mccrimmon#second doctor
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Hey, this is Taylor from a few years back. Sorry for the ask. I haven't used this app in a few years and forgot how to message lol. I was looking through my old account and saw yours was still up and running, and I just wanted to tell you thank you for the time you were my friend and how patient you were with me. You were a great friend and an even better influence. Hope you're doing good!
This was such a wonderful surprise... I have so many words and yet none at all. Thank you for being my friend, too, and for the kindness you showed me. I hope the future has treated you kindly đ„čđ«¶đŸ
#and now a word from us kids#first of all if you dont know how to use chat its not ur fault its bc tumblr updated and changed 90 times in the last 3 yrs like WHO ASKRD#FOR ANY OF THISSSS#since the great tiddy ban of 2018 we have just gone farther and farther downhill yall đ tumblr never shld have tried to appeal to the ads#and its not like it even worked bc The ads we DO get are like facebook video level LIKE PLZ ABEG đ#anyways i want you to know that when i finally read this ask (like forever late) i was travelling with my sister in TX mind you! and i#literally stopped walking on the sidewalk in 100 degree weather she was so mad at me but i was literally floored#i will never be able to express how much being your friend was healing to me too. and i missed you. and life is crazy#idk if you ever saw that one post on tiktok that went viral and it was an old lady and her best friend had âwe were girls togetherâ on#her tombstone like... i think about that all the time. something so beautiful about youth and IM YOUNGG WE R YOUNGGG but still.#thank you for being my friend and thank you for finding me again and i dont even know what words to say! but this was incredibly sweet#and i sat on it for 2 weeks bc i didnt know what to day and i still dont. but i hope you still remember how to read tags đ©đ©#a part of me wanted to figure out how to answer this privately but also a part of me wanted this to be tangible somewhere so i apologize at#the end of the day i am still a tumblrina immortalizing things on my blog đ„čđ©·#my sunshine#đ©·đ©·đ©·
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Travel anxiety
#dear nervous system: Why.#you would think I was being shipped off to a place Iâd never been before not taking a train then sitting in a car to go somewhere ive been#travel anxiety sucks#why did it have to be travel i Canât with#why not something fun and never relevant#like rainbows#or moonshoes#why travel#intrusive thoughts my beloathed#if anyone has good travel anxiety tips feel free to shoot me an ask bc đđđ#not pjo#ames rambles
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honestly the one piece worldbuilding lore is so so so fascinating but the problem is that you only ever get crumbs of it for 1070 episodes you get nothing but crumbs 1070 episodes in and there's still only like one slice of breads worth of crumbs forget the whole loaf this is maddening im opperating on theories and assumptions here im in platos cave looking at shadows you cant do this to meeeeeeeee
#chewing my wrist off honestly#there was quite literally a character who could time travel but only forwards and she traveled 800 years into the future#to witness the fullfillment of a prophecy but then changed her mind and decided her priority was actually getting married and having kids#and then she died and we got absolutely zero lore info from her despite the fact that she could have blown this whole thing open#her character shows up and you think 'oh! she's from the lost century! the century in one piece lore where there are no surviving#archeological records and it coincidentally happens immediately after the formation of the world government!#surely she will tell us something!' and then.. nothing#never been more frustrated with a story IN MY LIFE#watching 900 episodes of an anime and thinking we're finally getting somewhere but then she just exists in the story to be a dead mom đ#the lore in one piece is like a giant leviathan swimming deep in the ocean beneath your boat#you Know its there and you can SEE the great big shadow but it remains elusive mysterious and unknowable#you cannot see the details and are left to guess and what its incomprehensible bulk could mean#anyways im eating glass
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reflecting on how all of my other DMs have gone above and beyond to lovingly weave my and my friends' backstory elements into the larger worldbuilding of the campaign by contrast to all of the ways Elyss' DM has gone out of his way to suppress or excise any influences her family may have ever had on anything and I'm genuinely near tears over it
#'I'm so surprised that Elyss wasn't more interested in going to her mom's hometown now that you're in her homelands!'#YOU! CHANGED Nami's backstory so that she never traveled anywhere before having Elyss#and YOU decided that she never tells Elyss literally anything even when directly asked#because you're so desperate to make sure your players never know literally anything about whatever might happen to them ever#YOU made it feel not only unrewarding but as if it was actively unwelcome for you if I even talked to my mother!!#'we're making this very dangerous journey (that you've been retconned not to have made yourself so you can't spoil it)--#--assuming we survive can you please tell us anything at all about what to expect the other country to be like?'#'well. it is different than here. it may not be what you expect.'#'oooh why didn't you go to hometown' SUCK MY DICK I ASSUMED YOU'D BE ANNOYED IF I WENT THERE HOPING TO FIND ANYTHING#of course ELYSS wants to try to touch any part of her own heritage she can!!#do you think she doesn't wonder whether she has family there? do you think maybe it's weird that she doesn't already know??#when *I* built Elyss' mother I made her a traveler from a far-off land so neither of us had to worry about it#YOU decided to send us to THAT far-off land specifically and then REFUSE to let Nami actually TELL me anything about it!!#feels very much like you don't want me to engage with that! feels very much like you ACTIVELY don't want me to explore that connection!#and if it felt like *Nami* was being secretive about it then Elyss would be even more keen to investigate herself--#but it's just part of a well-established pattern of NPCs going 'it's a secret teehee' for very obviously no other reason than that--#the DM just doesn't ever want us to have information even if NPCs have that information and have no reason not to share it#anyway. tl;dr grief over elyss yearning her whole life for somewhere to belong#but not going to her mother's birthplace because she has no reason to believe there's anything there for her.#for purely stupid empty meta reasons.#'I'm surprised you didn't go there đ' so maybe he had something!#but my mother-- through you-- was so cagey about whether her parents even exist that I kind of just figured you didn't! so!!#about me#my OCs#elyss
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had an extremely vivid dream about traveling abroad (something i've never really done) and now embarrassingly googling hotels and places to stay in said place... just curious you know... just a little interest
#it's weird because traveling is the one thing you can just. do. (decision-wise logistics are different)#but getting on a plane and going somewhere is All In My Control#it doesn't have to be a dream i never achieve#how crazy is that???!!!#26 about to go crazy#(in terms of being happy and joyful and doing the things younger me always wanted to do)#love and kindness is the ultimate cushion and buffer to new experiences!!#ANYWAY back to feeling silly#dek
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sonic literally has so much love and whimsy for the planet. i like to imagine like 50% of his free time is just spent going Places and seeing all he can see. he can go pretty much anywhere he wants just with his two feet so why not?
#he just has so much love for being alive and for people and nature#honestly i can never see him as having really a permanent residence either#cause you know he's like the wind and all he's never really settling down. i imagine he has his stuff at tail's place and#frequents there most but he's mostly just Out there in the world#i have mixed opinions on the sonic x characterization of sonic but one thing they got spot on in the early seasons was#that sonic is always travelling out fucking Somewhere
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Thatâs just dreadful
#choices fcl#choices first comes love#choices#choices stories you play#playchoices#it already took them 45 mins to get here on top of however long they were traveling before the start of the chapter#I could never#Iâd either have to find somewhere else to watch the meteor shower from or just miss it completely#bc Iâll be back at the nice lodge with AC food and comfort#choices app#pixelberry studios#pixelberry
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the contrast between my brother who calls to tell my parents literally everything that happens ("i did my laundry" "i'm going to see a match among students" "the girls here dress skimpy" (theyre just wearing crop tops and/or shorts in 32° weather) "this is what i'm wearing" etc etc), they know about each of his friends by name and where they are and what they're doing and they ask about each of them ("how is A settling in in canada?" "has B talked to you yet?") and me who doesnt want to tell my parents anything, everything they know, theyve dragged out of me with so much resistance they couldve been pulling teeth.
i told them i had a friend in pakistan who goes to uni there and my dad goes "you have a friend in pakistan? how do you know them?". fucking insane bro. he didnt even know i had a friend in pakistan, let alone anything else. i genuinely didnt know i'd never talked about him lmfao. i changed the subject to my cousin who also goes to uni in the same city (thats what we were talking about, and i didnt want to talk about him and potentially reveal he's a guy cause then they'd ask questions about that)
its also so odd to refer to my male friends as if theyre female lol so im just kinda bouncing back and forth between using female versions of words and male versions and i barely know what im saying lmfao. (you use different words if youre talking about a guy vs a girl, in sindhi the word for "one" as in "one friend" is "hikro" if youre talking about a guy and "hikri" if youre talking a girl, i used "hikro" and my brother who was on facetime at the time corrected me and said "you'd use hikri" assuming the friend in question was female and i was like whatever there isnt a difference you get what i mean lmfaoo)
my siblings also get so surprised when i talk about anyone. i once told my soster about one of my friends and she stalked my followers/follows to see if they were real and she told me and i removed her from my followers (i later remembered j had a public account and it didn't actually matter), and my brother a few days later asked why she wasnt following either of her siblings, me or him, and i said that i removed for looking at my friends' profiles and she defended herself like jokingly yelling "ONE friend, i only looked at ONE friend" and my brother who's just saw this exchange goes "you have friends?" BRO???? WHAT????
but genuinely i fucking hate anyone in my family knowing anything about my friends but i dont mind the opposite, i've sent my friends pictures (one picture) of my parents and they know so much shit about them and my life lmaoo.
i just think its so funny
#my friends#and#my parents#in a way#also me revealing im sindhiđȘ#my brother's very recently traveled to his uni in a different country#a country he's never been to before#and im fairly certain he's homesick asf#he's making it really obvious#he calls every day#often multiple times a day#send a shitton of pictures#sometimes i wonder if he has any close friends#cause i would send those pictures to my friends#not to the family gc#but then again i wouldnt want to tell anyone in my family anything about me so thats a factor#sends*#and every time he calls he talks about how he can't wait to get back#lmfaoo#im like shut up#not out loud tho#my dad did tho#i said to him <brother's name> is acting so weird#like we're complete opposites cause i would love to get out and live somewhere else#and he said to me thats how your brother thought too when he lived here#but today when my brother was complaining and saying how he couldnt wait to get back#dad was like be grateful what you have is some people's dream#and he was like yeahhhhh#anyway
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And God said, "Behold! I have created the fourth primordial force: the weak interaction!"
And the angels all clapped and nodded politely, and there was a long silence; and finally Verchiel, the Angel of Grace, spoke up and asked, "Er, what exactly does it do, O Fashioner?"
And God said, "What do you mean, 'what does it do?' It's the fourth fundamental force of the universe."
And Verchiel said, "You mentioned that. Um. But it's just that the other three sort of have a brand, you know? Gravity helps build large-scale structures, acts over vast cosmic distances, shapes time and space. The strong force is secret, hidden, binding together quarks and all that. Electromagnetism, very cool stuff, somewhere in between. We're all big fans of the whole magnetic monopole double bluff, very clever. But, er. What does this 'weak interaction' do?"
And God said, "It mediates radioactive decay. Sort of."
And Verchiel said, "Radioactive decay? All radioactive decay?"
And God said, "No. Just some kinds."
And Zephaniel, the Chief of the Ishim spoke, and he said, "A whole independent force just to mediate some kinds of radioactive decay?"
And God said, "Well. Not totally independent. Technically it's related to electromagnetism."
And Zephaniel said, "Wait, it's not even a real force?"
And God said, "It's totally a real force. It's just that it's one aspect of a combined electromagnetic and weak force. An electro-weak force, if you will."
And Metatron, the Celestial Scribe, scratched his head at this, but said nothing.
And Cambiel, the Angel of Transformation, said, "Maybe you can walk us through it from the top."
And God Sighed an immense Sigh, and said, "All right, fine.
"So the way it works is that all of space and time is permeated by a field that has imaginary mass."
And Cambiel said, "Imaginary mass, O Generous Provider?"
And God said, "Yes, imaginary mass. It's tachyonic, d'you see?"
And Sarathiel, the Angel of Discipline, said, "Wait a minute, I thought we agreed nothing was going to travel faster than light? All that 'c' business and the whole Lorentz transformation thing. What's happening with that?"
And God said, "Let me finish. The field is tachyonic. The particles in the field all move slower than light."
And Sarathiel had to think about this for a second.
And God said, "The point is, a field with imaginary mass has a non-zero vacuum expectation value."
And this really gave Sarathiel trouble, since he had never been very good at math.
And God, seeing this, went back to explain. "Most fields, like the electromagnetic field, have no effect when they are at their lowest energy state. It's like they're not there at all. If you give a field imaginary mass, then it vanishes only when it's at a very high energy state, and at a low energy state, it has a nonzero value everywhere."
And Sarathiel nodded, but he was confused, because he didn't understand why God would create such a thing.
But Verchiel thought he saw where God was going with this, and he was amazed.
"Truly, you are cunning beyond measure, O Only One Certainly Sound and Genuine in Truth! Only now do I understand your design! For in order to make the universe homogenous and isotropic, it is necessary that all large-scale fluctuations in temperature and mass must be evened out early in the history of the cosmos; and therefore, you have designed a field which will rapidly expand space after the Big Bang, many orders of magnitude in brief moments, and then swiftly and spontaneously decay as it gives up the energy it began with, giving rise to radiation and particles of all kinds as it does, which will condense into the material universe! It is a wonder to behold."
And God said, "What? No. I mean I did, but this isn't the inflaton field I'm talking about. This is something else."
And Verchiel said, "Wait, it's not?"
And God said, "No, I'm going to use a different field to drive cosmic inflation. The properties of this field are totally different."
And now Verchiel was also confused, and lapsed into silence.
And God said, "Like I was saying, this field is a scalar field with imaginary mass, and it does spontaneously decay to a ground state with a non-zero value. But it's not the inflaton field. Instead it combines with the W1, W2, W3, and B bosons."
And Metatron began to flip back through the pages of the Heavenly Record trying to figure out where he'd lost the thread.
And Zephaniel said, "The what bosons?"
And God said, "The W1, W2, W3, and B bosons. I'm sure I mentioned them. You know, the massless bosons?"
And Zephaniel said, "I'm pretty sure we only talked about the W+, W-, and Z0 bosons. All of which you said were going to have mass, O Owner of All Sovereignty."
And God said, "Yes, but this is how they get them, you see. Once this field acquires a nonzero value everywhere, the massless bosons interact with it and get mass. Well, some of them do. They turn into the W+, W-, and Z0 boson. And the photon."
And Zephaniel said, "âŠand the photon, O Accepter of Invocation?"
And God said, "Well, I did say I was going to unify the electromagnetic force and the weak interaction, didn't I? This is how. Above the critical temperature--right now I'm thinking 10^15 K, but I'm open to feedback on that one--electromagnetism and the weak force act as a single unifying force. Below that temperature, the field gets a nonzero value, you get three massive bosons to mediate the weak interaction, and the photon pops out seperately."
And Zephaniel said, "That seems⊠a bit overly complicated, doesn't it, O Reinstater Who Brings Back All?"
And God said, "No, it's exactly what we need. Look, that way the W and Z bosons have something to do, but the weak interaction still only travels short distances. Gravity is still the star of the show on cosmic scales, as it were. But now quarks and leptons can swap their flavor!"
And Zephaniel said, rather weakly, "Their⊠flavor, O Source of Good?"
And God said, "It's this new quantum number I'm trying out, to give the three generations of matter more unique identities."
And Cambiel said, "Three generations of matter? Now I'm really confused."
And God said, "I'm sure I mentioned this. You've got the lightest quarks and leptons, and then two heavier versions of each that can decay into the lighter versions."
And Cambiel said, "What do they do? New kinds of chemistry, is it?"
And God said, "Well, no. Mostly they just decay in a couple microseconds. Or even faster."
And Zephaniel began to rub his temples, and Cambiel sniffed.
And Cambiel said, "This all seems a bit ad hoc to me. Not really the stuff of an elegant and obviously ordered Creation. Why not have four generations of matter? Why not a trillion?"
And God began to grow irritable, and said, "Well, that's not really up to you, now is it? We're going to have three generations of matter, and the electroweak force, and that's that!"
And Zephaniel said, "As long as we are unifying fundamental forces, perhaps we could somehow also unify the electroweak interaction with the strong interaction, or even gravity."
And God hesitated saying, "Well, I haven't decided about that yet. I'm not sure I want gravity to be quantized, you know? Seems to take some of the geometric elegance out of general relativity."
And now it was Zephaniel's turn to sigh, and he bowed his head. "As you wish, O Possessor of Authority of Decisions and Judgement."
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itâs on my bucket list to legit 100% disappear for a hot second. Like full on gone girl, one day Iâm here the next day I ainât. No warning. No explanation. Iâll be back in a few months but before then itâs as if I fell off the face of the earth. Iâll save up vacation time maybe if I want to work it out with my boss but my coworkers will just think that I died. MAYBE some of my closest confidantes get a bit of warning but even they donât get any other info beyond that. I will designate one very secretive person to trust with my contact info in case of emergencies but THATS IT. Just pure fuck off, maybe to another country but somewhere where I donât know a damn person and they donât gaf about me and I get a fucking break for once. I will become an infinitely more bearable person once I do this.
#I literally want to take a vacation from being me#probably will have a fake name and everything like You Will Not Find Me#I donât even want to travel or do anything cool. I just want to go somewhere else thatâs boring and regular#get a new phone#just care about like normal things for a minute#gap year before med school maybe?#lmao#I have also never seen gone girl so donât @ me
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hotch's little sister x spencer perhaps?
âHotchâs sister graduates college, and Spencer is immediately smitten. fem, 1.6k
âSheâs pregnant.â Emily shakes her bag of chips around. âBut itâs not his baby.âÂ
Spencer frowns down at his sandwich. Rye bread is hard to cut, and the plastic knife isnât putting up a good fight. âThatâs awful,â he says. âHe must be heartbroken.âÂ
âHeâs distraught. Now he canât decide if he wants to stay and raise the new baby with their first, or leave her and have split custody.âÂ
âWhat channel did you say it was on?âÂ
âItâs on NightDrama. Iâll find out the number.âÂ
Emily folds the empty packet of chips into a rectangle, then that rectangle into a triangle, folding the edges inside of a fold to create a parcel perfect for flicking at him. Spencer waits for it, tensing, but what he sees behind Emily steals his attention.Â
She whips her head to follow him.Â
You are, as Spencer watches you walk in, without a doubt one of the prettiest girls heâs ever seen. And itâs not like youâre a model, you donât walk with any such confidence, but it strikes him immediately. Youâre pretty. And heâs never seen you in the office before.Â
They get visitors occasionally but the majority of people so deep into this office would've been checked at security and cleared to come up here. You hold a visitors badge in your hand, which you promptly clip onto your shirt when you see people looking at you. Your frown makes you prettier. Something about the way you stand seems familiar, but Spencer canât put his finger on what it is.Â
âShould we go help?â Emily asks.Â
âWho do you think sheâs for?â Spencer asks back. Heâs thinking youâre here to speak to JJ. They have people like this occasionally who JJ knows from past cases, drifting in on a hope that thereâs more detail to be found.Â
Emily stands up from her chair. Spencer follows suit. When you see her facing toward you, some of your apprehension melts into relief.Â
âHi,â you say breathily, summoning a smile that, again, seems familiar. Not in looks, but practise, maybe.Â
âHi there, can we help? You look lost,â Emily says.Â
She sounds more friendly than Spencer couldâve hoped to achieve. He doesnât even wanna think about it, from how pretty you are he wouldâve stumbled over even the most basic hello.Â
âIâm here to see Aaron Hotchner. He told me his office is up the stairs, is that still one of these ones,â âyou nod gently at the stairs that do, in fact, lead to his officeâ âor somewhere else?âÂ
âThatâs the right one, the very first door.âÂ
âOkay,â you give a soft laugh. âThank you. This place makes me nervous.âÂ
You leave to travel up the steps. Emily and Spencer watch without any casualness as you approach Hotchâs office door, and give a little knock.Â
Itâs more surprising to see it tugged open so quickly after. Hotch usually says, âCome in.âÂ
âOh, youâre here,â Hotch says. Itâs to Spencerâs shock and Emilyâs clear joy when he leans in for a hug. The bearhug kind, no politeness or manners about their intimidating boss as his arms cross behind your shoulders and he pulls you in. âYouâre late.â He squeezes you.Â
You let it happen. âI hate your building.âÂ
âWhat the hell?â Emily whispers.Â
âIâm so happy to see you. Come on, come in, I ordered lunch for us already.âÂ
Emily is shameless. She takes Spencer by the wrist and encourages him to the wall below Hotchâs office as he ushers you inside. The door remains ajar, perfect for snooping, and Spencer doesnât know what it is but he lets Emily drag him forward anyhow.Â
âIf thatâs his girlfriend, he should be ashamed,â Emily whispers.Â
Spencer raises his brows. âDid you think that was romantic?âÂ
âIâve never seen him show affection to anyone who wasnât Haley, and when was the last time she was here?âÂ
Spencer tosses it around in his mind. Sure, it was quite affectionate by Hotchâs standards, but the hug was so⊠uncareful. Heâd grabbed you and hugged you like he was gonna shake you around for fun, like a dad hugs his daughter. âHow old is Hotch?â Spencer asks.Â
âYou donât think thatâs his secret kid.âÂ
âNo,â Spencer says, though he sort of does.Â
Emily gestures for him to hush as your laugh drifts down from the office. âYou did?â youâre asking. âItâs so nice to be home.âÂ
âOf course I did. Itâs like I promised, okay? You finished college like I asked you too, youâve done so well, and now Iâm gonna make sure youâre happy. Like I tried to do for Sean.âÂ
âSean,â you sigh. âHe didnât even answer my grad card.âÂ
âI donât know what to say about him, I really donât.âÂ
A small pause. âWell, at least you answered.âÂ
âYou know I wouldâve come to watch you walkââ
âBut you couldnât. Itâs fine, Aaron, I wasnât really expecting you to make it.âÂ
âIâm sorry. Really. And Iâm proud of you, after everything.â
âThank you⊠The bag was better than you being there anyways. Coach?â You laugh breathily. âMy friends keep asking me if you can be their big brother too.âÂ
Emily and Spencer turn to each other, mouths agape, Emily slapping his arm as they struggle to make no noise. Since when does Aaron have a sister? A young sister freshly graduated?Â
Hotch laughs too. âCome and sit before your lunch gets cold.âÂ
Emily gets out her phone to text Morgan, she and Spencer pressed to the wall with their heads ducked. Hotch is a total enigma, because what the hell sort of secret is that?
When Morgan appears, itâs with all the answers. He rolls his eyes at their clear position of eavesdropping but leans against Emilyâs desk to give them the information theyâre craving anyways. âSheâs adopted. Hotch was already in college at the time, but theyâre close. They get along a lot better than Hotch does with Sean, thatâs for sure.âÂ
âHe sounds protective,â Emily says, side-eying the office.Â
âLook, itâs not my business, but I just know it was bad when she was a teenager. Hotch is a drill sergeant for a reason.â Ah, Spencer thinks. The Hotchner father.Â
Spencer picks at his hands. It explains the conversation he shouldnât have been listening to, to a degree. He feels the guilt of knowing something he wasnât meant to like a sodden weight, retreating swiftly to his desk and his forgotten sandwich.
Itâs nice to hear Hotch laughing, but itâs your laugh that draws him in again while he tries so hard not to listen. Itâs as attractive to Spencer as your frown had been when you walked in. He thinks about how you finished college, how youâre here, and he wonders if heâll see more of you âhow often will you come in for lunch? Spencer checks his hair in his sleeping monitor and feels like an idiot.Â
âIâm sorry,â Hotch says a little while later, elbowing open the door with his back to the office, âweâll have dinner soon, honey, I promise.âÂ
You reach up to give him another quick hug. âItâs fine. Itâs just nice to be in the same city again.âÂ
Hotch guides you down to the bullpen with the same pride with which he introduced Jack. Itâs unmissable, the love he has for you in just one touch against your shoulder. âY/N,â he says, pausing at the bullpen, âDerek Morgan youâve met. This is Emily Prentiss and Spencer Reid.âÂ
âSpencer Reid?â you ask suddenly, looking up into Hotchâs face like heâs lying, your brows pulled together in indignation, before you turn back to Spencer reverently. âYouâre Dr. Spencer Reid?âÂ
He gets caught on his own breath. âUh, yes?âÂ
âThe Dr. Spencer Reid who wrote Methods of Continued Fraction Expansions?âÂ
Spencer feels heat like a kiss to each cheek. âYes.âÂ
You turn to Hotch with a suspicious pout. âWhen I told you about the paper I was reading by a Dr. Reid a few months ago, you didnât stop to think it could be your Dr. Reid? Or you just donât like me?âÂ
Thatâs a sisterâs scorn if Spencerâs ever heard it.Â
âI thought you said Rain.âÂ
âI donât think you did.â You turn back to Spencer. âI canât believe it, I emailed you about Jacobi elliptical functions, you were so helpful, I owe you my degree.â You put your hand out with a beaming, beautiful smile, Spencerâs stomach totally flips. âItâs amazing to meet you in person.âÂ
Heâs a germaphobe, he is, and that doesnât just go away when you meet someone lovely, but he shakes your hand. You surprise him too quickly to think beyond taking your hand letting it happen. Youâre, like, glowing.Â
Hotch gives him a funny look. Mostly impassive, but not quite.Â
Spencer abruptly lets you go. âI donât think you wouldâve needed my help to get there in the end. You clearly knew what you were doing.â Â
Hotchâs eyebrows silently rise.Â
You turn back to Hotch again, your smile catching. âI like your friends.âÂ
He smiles. âLet me walk you down to the lobby, honey.âÂ
You let him guide you away, giving the present members of the BAU a wave with just your fingers before you go.Â
Morgan and Emily look at him heavily. âSpencer,â Emily says. âWhat was that?âÂ
He doesnât want to say what he thinks it was, so he doesnât. âShe was nice.âÂ
Morganâs laughter is immediate. Spencer has to walk off to the kitchen for a cup of tea he doesnât drink to escape him and the connotation of his laughing. Spencer hopes heâll see you again soon, though if heâs half a good a profiler as he thinks he is, he might end up in trouble with your brother.
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