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thinkingisadangerouspastime · 4 years ago

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dance

Written for Day 4 of @aangweek! Read here on AO3.

~*~

4. dance - if you hit a wall, climb over it, crawl under it, or dance on top of it

What year did Fire Lord Sozin battle the Air Nation army?

The Air Nation army.

What army? The ashen remains of bones that littered the Air Temples? The memories of a past erased and rewritten by the conquerors? The whispers and cries of voices drowned out by roaring flames? That army?

Aang shuddered, pulling his knees to his chest. Was that how his people were remembered? As part of a history reformatted and reworked? As aggressors instead of defenders? As casualties, no, as soldiers instead of victims? Was that how the world had chosen to immortalize his people?

Aang sighed, releasing his legs before slowly pushing himself into a sitting position. He wouldn’t be falling asleep anytime soon. And besides - he could see the sun inching upwards over the horizon. Daybreak had almost arrived, which meant it was only a matter of time before everyone woke up and they continued travelling. There was no point in him trying to catch an extra hour of shut-eye.

Maybe he could meditate for a bit. While he waited for morning to come. It could help him clear his mind, he supposed, of… of those more painful memories. Of false knowledge force-fed down his throat.

But as Aang stood to find an open place for meditation, he was distracted by the presence of Sokka. His friend was already awake, hunched over and scribbling away at his lengthy schedule.

“We can shorten our stay here,” Sokka muttered, “and taking this route shaves two hours off our total travel time if we only take one break instead of two -” He stopped when Aang joined him, the airbender plopping down on a patch of grass. “Good morning?” He paused. “Uh… What are you doing up so early?”

Aang gave his friend an amused smile, folding his legs criss-cross. Considering he himself was usually the first one up, Aang couldn’t help but find Sokka’s question rather hilarious. “I was going to ask you the same thing.”

Sokka shrugged. “Just trying to rework our schedule. I have to take in account the extra days we stayed in that cave if we want to arrive at the meet-up point for the eclipse invasion on time.”

Aang flinched at the reminder. Of the upcoming eclipse or the additional days he’d encouraged his friends to stay in the city, he wasn’t sure. When Sokka glanced at him, Aang looked away. Down at his feet. “Right. Yeah. I guess we do need to make up for that… lost time.”

Sokka raised an eyebrow, at first not commenting. He rolled up his schedule and placed it aside. “So, why again did you say you were up so early?”

Aang hadn’t.

He sighed, leaning backwards to stare up at the arrival of dawn and bracing himself with his palms. Clouds of orange and red and yellow burned before Aang. Hues not dissimilar to fire. “Dreams.” Memories.

Sokka nodded. “Nightmares?”

“Kind of.”

“Want to talk about them?”

The Air Nomads didn’t have a formal military.

Aang shook his head. “Not really.”

Sokka nodded. “That’s okay. You don’t have to.” He tucked the group’s schedule into his bag. “Want to talk about something else?”

Aang didn’t answer immediately. Stuck on some twisted loop, his mind traced over and over and over the surprise, the shock, the disbelief of every kid’s face in the cave as he’d danced before them. They, too, had been robbed of their childhood. Not in the same way, no. Not at the same price. But it had been stolen from them all the same.

“Do you think I helped them?” Aang finally whispered. His fingers dug into the dirt beneath his palms, collecting behind his nails. “The Fire Nation kids, I mean.” He sat up straight again, this time making eye contact with his friend. “Toph told me I helped them to be free.” He swallowed a lump in his throat. “Do you… Do you think she was right?”

Sokka raised an eyebrow. “Uh, what are you talking about?” Aang opened his mouth to explain, but Sokka continued before he could get a word out. “Of course she was right.”

Aang’s voice disappeared into his chest for a full ten seconds before resurfacing. “She was? But it was just a dance par-”

“It wasn’t ‘just’ a dance party, Aang,” Sokka interrupted, giving him a wry smile after his use of dramatic finger quotes. “You gave those kids their first moment of independent thought. I know I called them ‘depraved little monsters’” - Aang snorted at the reminder - “and while I don’t think I was too far off with that assessment, I’ve come to the conclusion that…” Sokka pursed his lips. “Well. Deprived might be a better word.”

Deprived.

Yes, that was fitting.

“I still can’t believe they didn’t know how to dance,” Aang said after a pause. “A hundred years ago, the Fire Nation was - was the place to be for dancing!” He learned everything he knew from Kuzon, after all. “And now…” Aang sighed. “Sure, I gave them a taste of fun, but they’re all going to be punished for it.” If they hadn’t been already. “Was that - Was it even worth it for them?”

“I think it was,” Sokka answered, a thoughtful expression crossing his features. “Like I said - it wasn’t just a dance party.” A beat passed, and he winked at Aang as he held a finger over his lips. “It was a secret dance party.”

Aang laughed. “What are you talking ab-”

“You taught them to challenge authority!” Sokka continued, throwing his hands in the air. “You taught them that sometimes, to learn the real truth, you have to think outside the box and track down other sources.” He laughed, shaking his head. “Aang, you showed them that adults can be wrong. That people in power are not infallible.” Sokka grinned at him. “So you didn’t just teach them to be free. You taught them how to find their own freedom, too. And in a brainwashed, messed-up country like the Fire Nation?” He snorted. “Spirits know they need that.”

Brainwashed… Not an inaccurate term to describe the misinformation - the lies - Aang knew their country had built its new foundation on.

“Thanks, Sokka,” Aang said, giving his friend a soft smile as tension eased from his shoulders. Maybe it was a good thing, then, that he’d stayed those extra days in the cave. Those kids were the future of the Fire Nation. Change would have to start with them.

“You’re welcome, buddy.”

Aang bit his lip. A beat passed. “Can I ask you another question?”

“I mean, you technically just did - kidding, I’m kidding,” Sokka amended as Aang rolled his eyes. “None of you have a sense of humor.”

“Sokka, you know I think you’re the funniest guy in the four nations.”

“And you would be right!” They both laughed, and Sokka continued once their snickering had died down. “But sure, go ahead. What’s on your mind?”

Aang opened his mouth to speak, then hesitated, out of nowhere finding that it was thrice as difficult for air to enter and exit his lungs. How embarrassing for an - the last - airbender.

Deep breaths. In and out.

Well, I don’t know how you could possibly know more than our national history book.

“What… What were you taught about my people?” Aang found himself staring at the ground, at his feet, at anywhere but Sokka’s eyes. “The Air Nomads?”

“Uh… not much,” Sokka admitted, and Aang grimaced. “We knew Sozin massacred them in an attempt to kill the Avatar, which started the war. Gran Gran told us they were a peaceful people, too, and were all really gifted benders.” He hesitated, giving Aang an apologetic glance. “I’m… sorry I don’t know more.”

Aang’s chest ached with an emptiness he sometimes feared would never be filled. But at least Sokka hadn’t been told -

“You know my people didn’t attack first, though?” His voice faltered, and Aang cleared his throat. “That - That they never wanted to fight?”

Sozin defeated them by ambush.

“Yeah,” Sokka said quietly. “I know.”

He forced down the lump in his throat, and when Sokka moved to pull him into a tight embrace, Aang allowed himself to fall apart in his friend’s arms.

When the sun had risen and his tears had dried, Aang spoke.

“After I defeat Fire Lord Ozai… you’re going to dance with me.”

Sokka raised an eyebrow. “I’m gonna what now?”

“Dance with me.” Aang gave him a small smile. “Come on. Don’t tell me you’re too much of a picken to dance with your best friend.”

Sokka rolled his eyes. “You know what? Sure. Why not. When you defeat Fire Lord Ozai, I’ll dance with you.” He grinned at Aang. “I look forward to it, hotman.”

Aang laughed. “Flameo!”

~*~

i am prepared and willing to throw hands with anyone who says "the headband" ep was pointless filler (it really and truly was not). also, i read something and it said flameo was a curse word, and idk if that's true, but you're welcome to interpret the final line as aang being like "fuck yeah!" if you'd like. thank you for reading, and i hope to see you tomorrow for day 5 - air temples!

#aang #aang week #aanglove #sokka #atla #avatar the last airbender #the headband #atla fanfic #atla fanfiction #fire nation #air nomads #amy writes #consider this your sokkaang crumbs for the day if you want to

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chilled-gay-baker · 4 years ago

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Anything in italics is newly written content. Tonight (Like 3 Months Ago) I have discovered Analosleep, a Virgil X Logan X Remy ship, and I just need to share my ideas for you all. (Fair warning, the first part of this was written at 1:30 AM, the next around 9:30, and I never finished the story. I lost interest once I realized that there was a bunch of time skips. It's several months later, so keep that in mind. So, if the writing is weird and jumps, don't worry about it.)

Whenever I read fanfiction, Logan always wakes up nice and early, drinks some coffee, and goes to bed at a reasonable time. But uh, I am gonna change that up. Logan doesn't go to sleep until very late. He doesn't need sleep, he needs answers.

Meanwhile, Virgil either wakes up at like 5 am after going to sleep at like midnight (meaning I am already beating him on whose going to bed later) or he wakes up at like 2 pm after going to bed at like 5 am. His sleeping schedule won't change a whole lot.

I have only once seen someone write a story or idea in which Remy is actually asleep, and that was like 10 minutes ago. So, for me, Remy can literally fall asleep anytime he so decides. 9 pm, 4 am, noon, honestly he doesn't mind, but usually early to late morning is when he sleeps.

--------------

3:28 AM

That meant that Roman, Patton, Janus, and Remus were all asleep for a few hours at this point, or at least were close to it. All this meant to Virgil was that it was time to do what he wanted.

And tonight, why not see his boyfriends?

Virgil finally had the coffee ready to go seem them.

Logans was iced and in a clear travel mug, Remy's iced with cream except in a glittery Starbucks cup, and Virgil had his own travel mug, except with burning black coffee.

He walked down one of the halls, knocking on one of the doors three times with one of his feet, to alert Remy, before he went to Logan's room, doing the same, but twice. Having done this time and time again, Logan opened up the door, before going right back to whatever odd thing he was googling that night.

Virgil walked into the room, placing the iced coffee travel mug next to Logan on his desk, before throwing himself down on the floor with his back against the wall, and opened up Tumblr.

Not a minute later, Remy came in, shutting the door, thanking Virgil for the coffee, before flopping himself on Logan's bed and opening up his phone to scroll through Instagram.

"Do hummingbirds have legs?"

"Virgil, shut up and drink your coffee, you're starting to sound like Remus."

"No, seriously. Have you ever seen a hummingbird's legs before?"

Remy propped himself up against the headboard, taking a sip while glancing at Logan. "He's got a point babes. Just Google it."

Logan sighed, but proceeded to look it up.

"Hummingbirds don't have legs. They just have small feet," Logan said, eyes wide.

Today's new topic: why the fuck don't hummingbirds have legs.

Remy and Virgil heard sudden tapping of Logan's keyboard, and they knew they had just shoved their boyfriend down a rabbit hole.

As Logan continued to research about the scientific history of hummingbirds, Remy began talking about "some bitch who had the audacity..." or something along those lines, with Virgil and Logan asking questions about it and sharing their opinion from time to time. Once that was over, Remy found something new to gossip about, with Virgil and Logan occasionly saying something, keeping the conversation going, all while the faint noise of Logan's keyboard never stopped.

Meanwhile, Virgil sat, sharing his opinion with his boyfriends, with music playing very quietly in his through his headphones, so he could hear Logan and Remy clearly as he scrolled through memes on Tumblr.

Around 5 am Remy grabbed his keys and went out, then came back around 10 minutes later with more coffee and food for all of them. While the three ate, Logan explained to them the scientific history of hummingbirds, and Virgil began making wholesome hummingbird memes.

Logan passed out a little before 7, falling asleep at his desk, so they moved him onto the bed while Remy took Logan's chair. Virgil put Logan's empty travel mug in the sink and threw out Logan's trash, saving what Logan didn't finish, while Remy did his own trash, and Virgil threw out his. Once that was done, the two quietly talked as they scrolled through social media.

Remy fell asleep a little after 8, still spinning slightly in Logan's rolling chair, his glasses slipping down his nose.

Virgil turned up the volume on his music and put his head back against the wall. Not too long after, he headed out after grabbing Remy's keys (who knew his baby was safe with Virgil), and kissing both his boyfriends on the forehead. Virgil had already slept enough last night before going to Logan's room to not sleep for hours, whereas he could assume Logan and Remy did not.

He came back around 12 with lunch for everybody, knowing everyone would be awake by now. As everybody took the food, he silently handed Remy back his keys, nobody except Logan saw it though. And they didn't want anybody to see.

Virgil, Logan, and Remy had all begun dating 8 months ago, and had fallen into a routine of hanging out in one of their rooms at night (depending on who was awake), going out and wandering around town, or going out in the middle of the day at separate times, and then all meeting up at one location or another.

Whenever one of the three came back with food like Virgil did today, the others didn't think much of it. They assumed the side had passed by them without them noticing, and had really only left not too long ago, not drove around town for three to four hours. And the three of them were quite happy with said arrangement.

They decided to keep it a pretty secret relationship. Logan and Virgil didn't want the others to make a big fuss, and Remy, despite constantly being on social media, wanted to keep this a private aspect of his life. They would tell the other sides eventually, but it wasn't the first thought on their minds.

I finished writing the story at this point. I'm not going to continue writing it as I finished this months ago, and I've lost motivation for it. If you liked this story, you should check out my account, cause I have some more content there.

Also humming birds have legs, I did not know that when I wrote this story.

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pradadoie · 3 years ago

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A full translation of HXX’s second victim’s post - Part 4

The second time I met him was at the Shenyang Skechers event (21st December 2019, morning). I was supposed to meet him at the event, but I ended up catching a fever and rested in the hotel instead. This was also the time I learnt that he was contacting a few other fans from China (she knew it from her friend). After the event, he came to look for me at night.

First pic

HXX: But I think there are a lot of fans here (in the hotel)

OP: Just swipe the room key in the lift and come up to the 22nd floor

HXX: alright

OP: Maybe you can come later

HXX: I just woke up

OP: Ok, go eat something first

HXX: ok

OP: Should I just visit you now?

HXX: You know what, It’s fine! I will just meet you later

OP: Yea, meet me later

HXX: Do you think I should wash up first

Second Pic

HXX: Which

HXX: number

HXX: Is it?

OP: 2202

HXX: But you have a fever

HXX: Is it really alright with you?

OP: It’s fine, I feel much better now

OP: I’m just freezing a little

HXX: Alright

HXX: I won’t arrive that fast

HXX: I’ll tell you when I’m on the way up

OP: Alright

HXX: I’m coming up now

HXX: Open the door for me

HXX: Ok?

OP: ok

Third Pic

OP mentioned that she could only find these few screenshots as proof as she changed her phone prior to making this post - causing her to lose some of the chats between the both of them. She kept these screenshots above, which are dated 21st December 2019.

This was also the time where we didn’t use any protection (while having sex). During that time, I asked him to put one (condom) on, and he said it’s alright/fine. I assumed that he wasn’t in a good/healthy condition. After having sex, he mentioned that it has been a year since he had sex, and once again, I believed his words. What I did not know was that he (supposedly in a bad state) went back to Seoul that night to meet up and flirt with other women.

After said intimate actions, I asked him about the other fan. He immediately admitted that the girl happened to be the Chinese fan who we talked about the other day. They had a meal together and hugged each other in a friendly way to express gratitude. They did not do anything else other than that, HXX even showed me their (HXX and the chinese fan) Wechat chat logs, the chinese fan sent him affectionate messages and I could tell that she genuinely liked him and had strong feelings for him. However, his replies were simple (T/n: The chinese word for this has more nuance - it implies that he never put in any effort into the replies he sent to the chinese fan). During that time, I thought it really wasn’t nice of him to show me their private chat logs, but I liked him too much, I understood where he was coming from and appreciated the fact that he was able to be transparent about their relations together, and that the chinese fan’s feelings for him were just one sided.

He expressed his fear of the chinese fan spreading the story and I asked him whether he was afraid of losing his fans. He responded saying - “I’m not afraid of losing fans because it doesn’t matter to me, I’m more afraid of the company finding out.” I told him to pretend to switch his accounts and ghost her (to not contact her anymore), and he kept emphasizing that he was really afraid, and wouldn’t stop smoking cigarette after cigarette, finishing an entire pack of cigarettes within two hours. I tried to comfort him and give him advice, thinking back, I was probably deceived by his lies as well.

After that, he would tell me that his schedules are getting more packed and he was getting more popular, and we wouldn’t be able to meet up. Thinking about it now, he was probably giving me a vaccination (T/n: OP used a metaphor, possibly to describe what HXX said in order to make her immune to other men). I jokingly brushed it off and said when that happens I would pursue another male Hong Kong celebrity, and to annoy/playfully aggravate him, I told him that I used to like this male celebrity, he told me: “His girlfriend is my friend, we filmed a program together and we even cleaned our ears together.” Our conversation shifted to the artists who were under the same company as him, he said although he fooled around (T/n: Going out and having fun), he thinks artists like K*is *u were dumb (T/n: OP used the word “傻逼”, aka moron - which came out of HXX’s mouth), took training for granted and never practiced, instead he spent his time playing around. Although I agreed with his opinion on this, he was essentially a pot calling the kettle black. The things you do aren’t any better, if his nickname is “Toothpick Wu” then your nickname should be “Needle Huang/Wong” (T/N: “Toothpick Wu” is a nickname given to Kr*s W* because of his small...you know, which was mentioned in one of his victim’s posts. OP may be insinuating that HXX’s small as well)

As he talked about himself and his body, he mentioned that his body wasn’t suitable for heavy workouts. Because of his small head size, working out heavily will make him look like a muscular barbie (T/n: slang for girls with a pretty face and a muscular body). At that moment, he mentioned his participation in the Korean military show (Titled: Real Men), where he faked a lower back injury/pain in order to leave the show earlier because he felt that it was too exhausting. Are you even worth your fans' concern by doing something like that? He also complained that the mainland entertainment shows he participated in edited him maliciously and made him look like an idiot - which made him contemplate on whether he should appear in the next season because he hated it.

Previously, I gave him a ring as a gift, which he wore most of the time - which was why I asked whether he could give me something that I could keep around me at all times, he refused and said he would never do things like this. He also mentioned that he had to take our couple ring (that I gifted him) off in order to comply with the show’s styling during recording sessions and told me not to overthink about it. I told him I would give him many rings so he could switch it out anytime and he said yes.

Apart from that, he strikes me as a boy with childlike innocence (T/n: read between the lines when OP says that, it's just a metaphor for innocence), at least that's what I thought. He believed that we would be able to travel to the moon sometime in our lives (T/N: WayV - Moonwalk?)I asked him if I could follow him and he smirked while saying he would think about it. Then I said if I earn enough money to get tickets and travel to the moon with him, would he follow? He responded saying “Then we can.”

In the end, he couldn’t give his everything to me, but I was willing to give everything to him.

#wayv #wayv translations #nct #nct u #nct translation #nct translations

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whatdoesshedotothem · 4 years ago

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Tuesday 10 April 1838: SH:7/ML/E/21/0074

7 25

12 10

finish morning – high wind – F41° at 8 40 – somehow I think more of A- than she deserves I wish I was well rid of her – Looking into Backwell and De la Beche (Geology) till 9 – then breakfast and sat downstairs talking till 10 – soon afterwards sat down at my desk and wrote 3pp. and under seal (of ½ sheet) to Lady S. de R- and wrote over again (to date my letter today) what I wrote to Lady S- on Sunday writing it now in 4pp. of ½ sheet and 1 p. of envelope – then wrote 4pp. (letter paper) to Lady V.C- chitchat to Lady S- and thanks for her letter and congratulations on the birth of the little Sibbella – delighted and exulting to have waited till practice has made perfect that my Sibbella may not be behindhand with the little people her predecessors – Lady S- writes ‘tho a daughter she is the finest child she has’ – offer to put myself at Lady S-‘s disposal for 2 or 3 weeks anytime after the end of this month – shall want only my maid – will send my carriage to the coach maker to have what done may be necessary for a longer journey and will send my manservant home – wrote the substance of all this to Lady S. de R- adding that a very unexpected circumstance but not a windfall had upset my plans and that I now thought I should not be able to get quite off before near or after Xmas – wrote congratulations to Lady V.C- hope she did not feel the effects of her fall (just before her confinement) beyond the moment – mention having purchased the 2 books she recommended (Combe and Dr. Birgham) ‘much for us all to profit by, especially your mothers, whose olive-branches spring up, and thrive so pleasurably’ – ‘Surely you will condole with me on my being still here – I had arranged a plan of northern tour, and fixed the day for being in London; but a very unexpected circumstance upset my schemes once more; and I am waiting as patiently as I can – But I shall never go far without telling you – at this moment, I fear I cannot be absent for long together of some months to come – nous verrons – but I think I could manage a short while, and have just written to dear Lady Stuart, and offered to put myself at her disposal for 2 or 3 weeks’ then mention Breadalbanes’ asking my subscription to Mr. Robertsons’ work of travels and her ‘alluding with regret to his having published some foolish history of the Mclean family – of this I, of course, took no notice, as I really knew nothing about it – but considered Breadalbane’s request a sufficient reason for my taking two copies – she told me, too, of York being thought of as a place of residence for the Hugh Macleans, and that she herself, and the premier-lit girls were to spend the summer at her cottage, and talked of living together – why York for the Hugh Macleans? Is any part of England particularly cheap? Give a kiss for me to my little Sibbella, and to little Louisa, too, who behaved so beautifully at Leamington, and believe me always affectionately yours A. Lister’ – at 1 40 had just written so far of today and copied my letter to Lady S. de R- - then A- came to me all in the dolefuls about a handkerchief frill tried to get her right she had been very hardly used twice by me and now by her aunt never thought of going to Cliff hill as she had done could not bear when she came here thought of going abroad and when I said I had offered her to go away to any friends or do anything I could she said she did not like to go with my servants I said she had the whole management I said I had nobody to advise with might I write to her sister no it would be very hard well said if I could but have my own way I should not fear indeed but she did not like to be an automation I was very calm and quiet and said by and by she must forgive me if I did not forget the word automation I would not break her heart nor use her hardly nor make her an automaton these things could be easily settled but every sensible kept up appearances as well as they could – she sat all the while on my knee I begrudged the time and said I must seal my letters and go out she had before declined reading them she now said as she had waited so long she might as well read them her curiosity got the bette[r] she made no remark nor did I – I hope I shall be rid of her by and by had I not be better remain a little with Lady Stuart if I can with any comfort? – at least I had best not return to A- sealed my letters (A- with me till 2 40) and wrote the last 17 lines till 3 – then in about ¾ hour wrote 3 pp. and ends to M- ‘Shibden hall. Tuesday 10 April 1838. It pothers me, my dearest Mary, to see amid my

SH:7/ML/E/21/0075

heap of unanswered letters one from you received Tuesday 27 February’ six weeks ago – not long compared with the term of my delinquencies to many other people, but longer than my custom is to youwards [towards you]– I let you take your own time, of late generally eked out to many weeks; but it is never my intention to let my pen be dilatorily to you, and I think it seldom is so, in fact – one reason of my waiting, I meant my date to have been from elsewhere – all was arranged and the day fixed for our begin off, when a very unexpected circumstance upset all; and here we are, and are likely to be off, at this moment, I cannot guess how much longer – I do not pretend to enter into any sort of explanation on paper – it would be too tiresome to say, or, rather to write, more than that poor Mrs. Walker imagines herself within some short while of that bourne from which no traveller returns; and we are lookers on – if you chance to come this way, you will, of course, come and see us – if not, you will take it for granted, as I do, that ‘all things work together for good’ ..... glad to hear so good an account of her mother no wonder at M-‘s bad cold..... ‘when is Lawton to be finished? your comfort is at stake; and therefore I am anxious for the completion – as far as Shibden is concerned, I have got over all impatience – my care about the finishing is reduced is reduced to very comfortable dimensions – I am so engrossed with other things, I have little time for musing about my house – but, I do assure you, I seriously meditate making my escape by and by – your account of Mr. Lawton is so excellent, it seems as if he, like many others who have been ailing for many years, may survive many of the stronger and junior ones of our day – what you allude to, may, with his own common care, be of little nuisance or danger – I cannot help hoping you might slip away for 5 or 6 weeks well enough, if such should be recommended by your own inclination, and more especially by your medical advisers – I have not time to run into the minutiae of Rhine expense – my rough calculation was 25fr. ie. one pound English sterling per day – taking very little luggage – no servant (you and Mrs. M- would not want one) and travelling by steam – the fares are very moderate – I dare not say I myself ever travelled exactly at this rate; but I know that it has been done – there is no difficulty or disparagement in dining for 3fr. having breakfast and supper for 3fr. and bed for 2fr. = 8fr. and one fr. for the servants will suffice, leaving 16fr. out of the 25fr. for steaming and etc. quite enough si les voyageurs le veulent – It is travelling en milord that is expensive – 4 horses and 2 postboys not only entail your own expense but double everything else’ – as M- regrets gently leaving Leamington ‘I abate my own sorrow – I still however wish you well backed out of all your scholastic troubles’ – conclude she is still at Moreton – no doubt I should much approve all your alterations – your description vivâ voce would be more agreeable than any other means of bringing them before me, except in situ – I hope the prince with a long name has along enough purse’........who has just married Mr. W. Crewes’ cousin – ‘Perhaps you are busier than I – it may be so – but it does not take long to write me enough to inform me how you are, and where you are – However, I am always satisfied – come what may, there ought to be a never failing spring of happiness within us all – as touching those I am interested about, I always believe all right, till I am credibly informed to the contrary – I anticipate no [disagrees] – I dream but little – yet the little is carefully selected from what is pleasantest – I never saw any good in moody musings – God bless you Mary! you or your letters will find me here, and always faithfully and affectionately yours AL’ – at 4 10 had just written the last line of p. 137, the whole of the last p. and so far of this – then sealed my letter to ‘Mrs. Lawton hall, Lawton, Cheshire’ and left also ready for the bad tonight my letter to ‘the honourable Lady Stuart Whitehall’ and to ‘The Lady Stuart de Rothesay undercover to ‘Lord Stuart de Rothesay, Carlton terrace, London’ and my letter to ‘The Lady Vere Cameron Achnacarry Fort William Invernesshire’ went out at 4 20 – a few minutes with Robert Mann + 5 levelling at the meer in the morning and in the afternoon in the garden George Naylors’ horses carting clay from the flower garden to the great sycamore, and my own cart bringing clay from the Laundry road side to cover over the turret passage – the 2 teams carts in the morning bringing necessary stuff from Hx- on to the land – then to Listerwick pit walked there with Joseph Mann – told him the engine would be a £700 business – I had no choice – I must either let the colliery or settle about it someway – then to John Oates – laid up with an inflammation in his right hand and about the wrist – Mr. Swallow came and I went out while he was there – then returned and was an hour at John’s told him about the engine – he still inclines to an endless chain – and thinks the engine will cost little more working their ginning with horses would have done for 2 horses could hardly have done the work – said what I had said to Holt about knowing what the coal would make me clean per acre – said I only wanted £150 per acre for the coal (very fair said John) and 10pc. on outlay – but this would be near £6000 – say £5500 at the least – say 3 acres per annum £450 + £550 = £1000 – John thought it could not clean so much – but said he thought it really would clear me £300 per acre - .:. if 4 acres – could be sold per annum it would pay – there will be a deal of straight work but this will leave something – In fact, John says, I must go on now – and only wait a little and the Dove house coal will be bought reasonably and then I can go on without incurring any more expense in looses as long as I live – John says he thinks we can sell 3 acres if the coal is as good as that got at [Ship] Inn pit, the quality will sell – none like it hereabouts – well! I must go on, and if I can weather out [of] the storm a little longer perhaps I shall do pretty well at last – I think I can manage – at all rates, I will not despair – came in at 6 ¾ - gave A- my letter to M- to read – went into the cellar – 1 port 1 marsala – dinner at 7 10 – A- poorly – could not see Joseph Mann who came at 8 about Landymere – went to bed at 8 ½ - I made my own coffee and sat reading

SH:7/ML/E/21/0076

the h-x Guardian till 10 ½ - then 5 minutes in the west tower – the cupboard above the stairs ceiling put up – then wrote the last 25 lines till now 10 55 pm at which hour F50° finish afternoon and evening dampish in the morning with highish wind – and whistling wind tonight – I looked very grave at dinner A- had a headache temper-sick so I let her go off to bed and have taken no notice I must be rid of her be it as it may hear bad temper vulgar pride and littleness of mind would be an insupportable drag upon me for the rest of my life – surely I shall get some way I dread the loneliness most but heaven will provide me even against this in some way had A- been barely tolerable I could have go ton perhaps I am obliged to her aunt for making me this opportunity of getting off does A- suspect my thought of not returning to her? cunning and suspicious as she is does she think that I hope not to trouble her long? – had Booth tonight till near 7 – told him JO. was still for the endless chair – that Garforth was to send plans of with and without; and we would all meet at John Oates’s at 3pm on Friday instead of here – has A- thought much of losing the forget-me-not ring I gave her? then read Bakewells’ geology for 10 minutes till 11 35

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mcwriting · 4 years ago

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Starstruck (9)

hello it’s me again. Second to last chapter :( but I’ve got bigger things in the works

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Fandom: Tom Holland

Ship: Tom x reader

Setting: LA, London

Word Count: 2230

Warnings: mild language

Rating: K+

__________________________________

Tom dodged cameras and wove through crowds as he made his way through London Heathrow Airport.

He finally was home in London, but only for about a week since he’d be coming back to LA for you.

The news had obviously broken that Tom had left South Korea, so now he was being bombarded with paparazzi who still wanted to know everything about you, especially your speech four days prior.

He continued to ignore them as he got to where Tuwaine was waiting to pick them up.

The car doors slammed shut as all four boys settled themselves in, Harrison up front and the Hollands in the back. Tuwaine locked the doors, then turned around.

“Seems like we’ve got a lot to talk about, boys.”

“You have noooo idea,” Tom muttered as the others nodded eagerly.

The drive back to their south London house was comfortable to Tom after everything that had happened. They mostly strayed from talking about you in the car, instead sharing funny stories from the long-lived press tour.

Sam decided to head back to his parents’ house after they arrived at the other boys’, ringing up an uber. He just wanted to sleep in his own bed. Their parents and Paddy had come home from the premiere before Tom went to Korea.

Once the boys were showered off and settled in, they told Tuwaine everything from the pre-release press tour before the premiere to meeting you to everything since.

“That’s mad, Tom. So when are you going back? And how do you plan on going unseen?” Tuwaine asked.

“Well we’re gonna get back to LA on Thursday to have time to adjust again and get everything settled. I’ve paid for a couple private planes to keep things off the radar as best as I can. All of you can come if you want.”

After further discussion, they decided for only Harrison and Harry to join Tom since the others had prior commitments.

After a couple more hours of catching up and reflecting on the past weeks, everyone finally decided to retire to their beds and hopefully get some rest.

As Tom layed down, he thought about the plan to see you again. He was nervous and excited at the same time, and went to sleep thinking one thing.

I’m coming to get ya, y/n.

__________________________________

As always, news of Tom’s travel back home was all over the internet with clips and pictures of him dodging through the airport being shared, you of course being tagged in those pictures by fan accounts wanting attention.

“Ughhhh I’m so tired of people tagging me in this shit like I actually care! I’m not even remotely involved in these pictures!” you exclaimed to b/f/n, who was sprawled on your bean bag chair as you laid on your stomach across a rug.

You showed her a fan edit of Tom someone tagged you in, which was just a video transitioning between pictures of him from his press tour.

“I know. It’s so dumb like, he’s even likely to see stuff if you just pester his friends, or in your case… whatever you guys are.”

“Give me a break. We’re nothing. We just met and yeah. That’s all there is to it.”

“I don’t buy it, but whatever. I need to use your charger.”

You pointed to the bed.

“It’s over on the other side if you want it.”

B/f/n sighed dramatically, then rolled her way off the bean bag to flop onto your bed, plugging the device in. After a few minutes of silent scrolling on your phones, she piped up.

“Yo. Why does your bed smell so good? New detergent or something?”

You blushed, realizing you never told her about that little detail.

“Uh, well. It’s cologne.”

She turned her head to look directly at you, eyebrows raised cheekily.

“And why do you have cologne on your bedsheets?”

You avoided looking directly at her for a second, cringing a little.

“Well… I may have kind of left out the part of the story where Tom gave me a whole bottle of his cologne and it smelled really good so I sprayed it all over my sheets… but like no biggie right?”

She sat up.

“Yes biggie! You know exactly what Tom Holland smells like and didn’t think to tell me?”

“I forgot about it until the other day when I found the bottle in a bag of my stuff. Didn’t seem important.”

“Okay, if it’s not important, then why did you douse your bed in his scent?”

“I told you, I think it smells good. That’s it.”

“You’re really going to sit there and try to convince me of that? Everyone knows that scent memory is a really big deal, not to mention that he literally gave it to you.”

You stared each other down for almost a minute before you cracked.

“Okay, fine. It helps me sleep, alright? It takes me back to the night he spent here, which honestly was one of the best nights of my life. It just felt so nice talking to him about vulnerable things, you know? At the time I thought I could trust him, and maybe a part of me wants to remember that side of him.”

B/f/n nodded as you finished.

“I get it. What he did sucks, but you can’t let that ruin the good memories you do have. Things will work themselves out. They always do. You just need to remember that you’re a boss bitch and no matter what happens, you’re gonna be alright.”

“Thanks. I really needed to hear that.”

“Anytime. Now let’s forget about him and figure out where we want to get our nails done next week.”

__________________________________

It was now Tuesday, and you and b/f/n sat in adjacent pedicure chairs, trying to lean back peacefully as yours vibrated violently in the name of a “massage.”

After you both struggled to not laugh while the nail techs exfoliated your feet, you were now relaxed and still as they began to actually polish your toenails.

You looked over to see b/f/n smiling at her phone.

“Who’s got you acting up?” you asked. She looked up in surprise.

“It’s no one. Catherine just sent me something funny on Instagram.”

“Oh, okay. Send it to me.”

In reality, she had been talking to Harrison and Tom about Friday, sending them pics of you in your dress the prior week and learning of their plans to get to LA on Thursday morning.

To cover for herself, though, b/f/n scrolled through her dm’s with Catherine, looking for something she’d received but never sent to you.

__________________________________

Wednesday in London, Tom, Harrison, and Harry sat around the dining room recapping the plan for the rest of the week.

“Okay, so we’re gonna get there pretty early tomorrow morning and then I arranged for us to stay at an AirBnb under b/f/n’s name but obviously I’m paying for it. Since none of us are 25, I couldn’t get a regular rental car, but I talked to Audi and they said they’d loan me another car as long as we post some pictures with it.”

“Won’t that defeat the purpose of laying low if we’re plastering our faces with the car online? It won't be hard to distinguish London from pretty much anywhere else,” Harry claimed.

“They said as long as we get the pictures up before we leave town, we’re good. We’ll just have to put it in the calendar so I don’t forget.”

Harry took that as his cue to put it in the calendar right then.

“What about the actual event? I know you said you got in touch with them,” Harrison brought up.

“I’m glad you asked, mate. They were down for letting us make our appearance a surprise, so they’ll have staff sneak us in the back and wait until b/f/n gives us the go-ahead. They’re gonna introduce me and I’ll give a quick word and then… hopefully y/n will let me talk to her.”

The group got everything in order and loaded their bags into Tuwaine’s car once again for him to drive them to the private jet hangars.

After saying their goodbyes again and loading up onto the plane, the boys were in the air, headed west. They would be stopping in New York to change planes, and got comfortable for the almost 8 hour flight.

By the time they got to New York, the boys were exhausted going through customs. They were happy to find that so far no one had seemed to leak the fact that they had left London and were now in the states.

They boarded the next plane and prepared for the 6 hour flight, this time planning to get sleep as it was overnight and they’d be arriving in the morning.

The sun was beginning to rise over Los Angeles as the plane touched down.

“Tom, we’re here,” Harry said, shaking his brother awake as the plane taxied.

Tom blinked his eyes a few times to adjust to the light, looking out the window.

The boys deplaned on the tarmac and sat tiredly in the small airport’s lobby as they waited for someone to drop off the car.

Tom noticed one woman at the desk looking over at him frequently. He was afraid she would end up putting him all over the internet, so he got up and came to the desk.

“Hi there.”

She looked at him, startled.

“Um, hello.”

“I couldn’t help but notice you looking over at us. Would you happen to be a fan?” Tom asked politely. She blushed.

“Yes, actually, I am.”

“Would you like a picture?” Tom offered. He knew he looked horrible from his long journey but needed to know she wouldn’t go around telling everyone about meeting him.

“That would be incredible! I was too afraid to ask.”

Tom called Harry over to take the picture on her phone, then took it from the younger brother. Tom noticed Harrison carrying a couple bags out the door to a car.

“That’s a good one! I only ask that you try to keep this to yourself? At least until tomorrow evening? I’m on a bit of a secret mission, and I don’t quite want the public to know I’m here, yet.”

The girl’s eyes widened.

“Of course! I’d hate to ruin anything for you.”

“Awesome, thank you so much. And it was quite lovely meeting you, I look forward to seeing those pictures again one day.”

With that, Tom was out the door and on his way to the spot they had rented out for the trip.

__________________________________

B/f/n woke up Thursday to work out again and saw there was an Instagram notification on her lock screen. It was Harrison (or maybe Tom, who knew who she was actually talking to).

We made it to the AirBnb. Thanks again for putting it under your name.

She saw it had been sent about an hour prior, so she replied.

No worries. I haven’t seen anything online about you being in the US, so it seems like you’re good so far

We’ll try to keep a low profile. We’re mostly trying to adjust to the time again so Tom isn’t falling asleep at the formal tomorrow night

B/f/n snorted. She figured it really was Harrison that she was talking to.

At the boy’s rented house, they were sitting around drinking black coffee to stay awake for the day. Eventually, they ran outside and took pictures with the car, being careful to watch that no one was looking at them.

As the morning went on, they quickly came to an unfortunate realization.

There was no food in the house, and they couldn’t just go out and get it. Delivery wasn’t the best bet either considering someone would have to answer the door.

So with stomachs growling, they messaged b/f/n again, asking her to pick up some groceries to hold them over for the day.

You’re lucky I’m not with y/n right now. Just send me a list and I’ll bring it over asap

It took her over an hour to get to the store, find everything on the list, and take it to the house. Her stomach fluttered when she pulled into the driveway as she was finally meeting her idol for real.

The door swung open before she could knock.

“Oh thank God you’re finally here, I’m starving,” Harrison said , taking the bags from her hands. “Come in, come in. Don’t need anyone seeing us.”

She stepped in the door to find the other two sitting on the couch. They greeted her starstruck self.

“Oh, wow. Hi. It’s nice to finally meet you in person,” she eventually spit out, looking at them in amazement.

She ended up spending almost an hour conversing with them, Tom paying her back for the groceries and them finalizing the details for the upcoming day.

She stood in the doorway preparing to leave.

“Well, I’ll see you all tomorrow. I don’t know what she’ll do, but good luck either way.”

“Thanks, b/f/n, that means a lot. And thanks for all the help you’ve been. Without you, I don’t know what I would have done.”

__________________________________

A/N: honestly I’m kinda sad that this is almost over. I started it over a year ago now and I’ve really enjoyed writing it. Hopefully I’ll put out the last chapter next week and then will begin scheduling “the marriage project.” Love you guys!

TAG LIST: @marvel-lously, @jackiehollanderr, @one-big-fangirl, @dreamyvans, @lisannehus, @honeymoonpeter, @shootingstarsaretearsofheaven, @chenellearose, @photoshopart15, @parkeret, @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch, @racewife2004, @joyleenl

To be added to my story or permanent tag list, pls send a message or ask

#starstruck #tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #spider-man #spiderman #spider man #Spider Man: Homecoming #tom holland spider man #Harry Holland #harrison osterfield #sm:hoco #sm:ffh #SPIDER MAN: FAR FROM HOME

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ridiculousravenclaw · 4 years ago

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The life of Elara Ware - chapter 3

So, funny story. I accidentally shut myself out of this account when I forgot my damn password. Then there was this pandemic and being technically a key worker, that was stress. Then I just started writing other stuff. So yeah, I kinda left this behind, which was a shame because I had a lot planned for it. But anyway here's chapter 3 as I wrote it ages ago and who knows, maybe I'll keep going. FYI I could not be bothered to go back and check it so theres almost definitely a spelling mistake or some grammatical errors. Sorry about it.

The next few days at The Burrow passed far too quickly for Elaras liking. It could be hectic at times with so many of them in one house. A fact Mrs Weasley continuously apologised for. But Elara, so used to being alone, loved the business of life at the Weasleys. She had missed George more than she thought she could. They relished in the time they spent together and, when they were sure no one was around to see, stole as many kisses as they could. With so many of them in the house though the later was practically impossible and more than once their embrace had been broken up my someone walking suddenly into the room. Ron couldn't look Elara in the eye for days after he walked in to find a particularly passionate scene. In fairness it was actually his room.

The fullness of the house had at least meant that they could stage 4 a side quidditch matches in the garden with the Weasleys and Harry. Hermione preferred to watch. When they weren't doing that Elara found she enjoyed chatting with Ginny, who to Elaras great surprise was not as girly or shy as she thought she was. Or talking with the eldest 2 Weasley boys; neither of whom she'd met before and had a number of interesting tales about the twins growing up. Then there was Harry, Ron and Hermione. They were a bit of an unlikely trio and Elara was convinced Ron fancied Hermione, but nether the less they were obviously good friends and Elara enjoyed spending time with them. Especially Harry. She'd always really liked Harry Potter, he didn't want the pitty the world gave him, he just wanted a normal life. Elara found she really respected that. The only person in the house Elara found she clashed with was Percy. Though she got the impression that it wasn't just her he had that affect on. For lack of a better word, Percy was a bit of a snob. Thankfully she rarely saw him as he spent most days at work and often chose to stay late most nights.

It was the last day of the holidays and they were all sat in the living room except for Mr Weasley who still wasn't back from work. Elara had parked herself on the furthest seat from her boyfriend and his twin. There was 2 reasons for this. First it meant she didnt have to resist the temptation of his soft lips whilst everyone was here to see. Secondly it made it far easier to feign ignorance to what the pair were currently doing. As they sat huddled together, talking in hushed whispers. She wasnt entirely sure what they were up to but it was almost certainly to do with Weasleys Wizard Wheezes, something Mrs Weasley highly disapproved of. As she sat alone she found her mind wondering and without meaning to found herself going over the dream she'd had the night before. She couldn't explain why but it had been bothering her all day. It wasn't a scary dream or in anyway disturbing. But Elara found herself shaken up by it none the less. Especially as she was almost certain she'd had that exact dream before.

In the dream Elara was walking through the woods at night. The only respite from the dark provided by the moon as its faint light battled through the thick branche above. She's looking for something but what it is or where she should look remains a mystery. Still she keeps going. Undeterred as the trees and undergrowth becomes denser and more wild. Then all of a sudden she sees a shape moving through the shadows. It slides slowly through the trees towards her until it stops in a clearing ahead. Bathing in the moonlight is a great white fox. Larger than any fox had the right to be and more majestic than any she'd seen. Its pure white coat shining brightly as though lighting up from within. Elara feels a pang of familiarity deep in her heart as she looks into its eyes. She doesn't run or scream. She knows she's safe. The white fox is here to help her, like a mother looking out for her cub. Its gaze is mesmerising and Elara could read the message in its eyes. 'follow me. I'll show you where it is'

"hey! daydreamer! wake up!" Elara was suddenly pulled out of her thoughts to find the whole room staring at her. She shakes herself mentally, uncomfortable by the sudden attention on her.

"sorry" she said trying to laugh it off dismissively "miles away"

"whatcha thin huh in abou?" asked Ron mid yawn. Elara sighed

"that out of all Georges siblings I like you the least" she said dryly

"really?"

"no" she says with a smile, earning a few laughs. Ron a few seconds behind the others before he got the joke.

Suddenly his face changed

"woah!" he said, staring at Elara in amazement.

"what?" Elara said. she suddenly felt a bit self conscious.

"your eyes are different colours!"

"oh" She giggled breathing a sigh of relief. "you've just noticed? really? how long have I known you?"

Everyone was laughing again

"what. have they always been like that?"

"yes!" everyone else said in chorus.

"Since I was a baby Ron. what did you think I did it deliberately? I got bored one day and coloured one in with a sharpie?"

Ron made a face somewhere between confusion and embarrassment.

"what's a sharpie?" Ah, Elara thought. muggle reference, complete miss.

" Well we all know ickle Ronnie kins is a complete idiot at the best of times. "Said George as he crossed the room and squeezed on the armchair next to Elara before pulling her onto his lap.

"what is a sharpie?" he added to her at a whisper. Elara smiled and shook her head dismissively. The rest of the room going back to their individual conversations.

"muggle stuff" she answered

"Ah. well then whatever you do, dont mention it in front of dad. he'll get all excited and interrogate you again." George said as he started rubbing small circles onto her hip with his thumb. Elara couldn't help but smile at the gesture.

"oh stop it hes not that bad. " She said rolling her eyes.

"yes he is, remember when you mentioned the cinema?" Elara laughed. She did remember that. It had taken her the best part of an hour to explain the concept to Mr Weasley.

"Anyway. Don't be so mean to your brother, as I recall it took you months to bloody notice." George looked blank for a moment.

"notice what?" he asked

"my eyes!"

"oh" he remarked, realisation dawning.

"it wasnt months was it? maybe a few weeks" Elara was giggling now, enjoying the slight embarrassment creeping into George's cheeks.

"nope definitely months. it was around Christmas time. remember? you thought I'd done it with magic to be all christmassy. Though how that's a christmassy thing to do I dont know."

"oh. yeah. well... that's only cause I'm not a weird person who stares at pretty girls eyes" George said, mockingly batting his eyelids at her. Elara grinned fondly at him, then leaned forward and left a light peck on his lips.

"Yeah you are."

"a couple of months is good for him" Fred said " George didn't realise we were identical until we were 7" Elara started slightly having not realised Fred had come over. He was sat on the floor next Charlie looking amused.

"in fairness that's not so obvious as I have always been way better looking than you." George retorted quickly.

Both twins sniggered and Elara noted that even their laughter was the same.

"did we mention he's delusional? sure you want him El?" Fred said

"Oh someone sounds jealous to me. Don't worry Fred I'm sure we can find a girl to take pity and go out with you"

Elara could tell this verbal tennis wasn't going to stop anytime soon.

" *cough* testosterone *cough* "

"oh look your fathers coming" Mrs Weasley suddenly announced getting everyones attention. Sure enough the hand on the grand father clock which bore mr Weasleys likeness had moved and now pointed at travelling. Then it moved once more settleing with the other hands on home. At the same time the door opened and Mr Weasleys voice could be heard from the kitchen. Mrs Weasley scuttled out to greet him. With the others distracted by this Elara inexplicably found her mind once again wondering back to her dream and the White Fox. Its magnetic familiar eyes drawing her in.

"you okay?" George said quietly. Wrapping his arms around Elara protectively and pulling her back to the present.

"yeah of course" She said trying to sound as casual as possible. George wasnt convinced. He knew her far too well and having shared it with him that morning knew what she was thinking about.

"It was just a dream you know El. I know it was a bit freaky. But it cant hurt you" he said, squeezing her arm reassuringly. That's just the thing, she thought, it wasn't scary to me. But she smiled at him appreciatively.

"I know"

#fanfic #george weasley #georgeweasleysgf #gryffindor #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #the weasleys #fred weasley #mr weasley #mrs weasley #weasley wizard wheezes #ron weasley #hermione granger #elara ware #hogwarts #amateurhour

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consulting-celiac-in-the-tardis · 5 years ago

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21 Easy (and Cozy) Self Care Ideas to Practice this Winter

New blog post! Now that winter is making days shorter, colder and darker, it's more important than ever to make self care part of your regular routine. And I'm not talking about the Instagram #selfcare that requires fancy bath bombs or expensive lotions. I'm talking about 21 easy ways that you can get cozy and relaxed this winter, whether you're a college student like me, a busy mother of two or a full-time worker with a demanding job schedule.

Some of these self care ideas may seem obvious, but others may surprise you - and many of them are scientifically-backed ways to tackle stress. So regardless of how busy you may be this holiday season, check out these 21 ways you can add more self care into your holly, jolly life.

1. Make yourself a warm, welcoming drink.

On cold winter days, it probably feels natural to reach for something cozy to warm you up. If you're really looking for help relaxing, though, fill your mug with tea. Research has found that drinking tea can help lower people's stress levels. Plus, it can be pretty dang delicious! (If you have celiac disease, just make sure it's gluten free).

2. Watch a sappy holiday-inspired show or movie.

Sometimes, we don't need an award-winning movie or TV show to enjoy ourselves. At least a few times this winter, embrace your silly or sentimental side by watching a bad Hallmark movie or bingeing your favorite holiday baking show. (And if you eat chocolate while doing it, that's obviously worth bonus points).

3. Go thrifting for cute and comfy winter clothes.

Updating your wardrobe for winter doesn't have to hurt your wallet. Instead, make looking for comfy hats, mittens or scarfs a fun adventure by hitting up your local second-hand store.

4. Be your own masseuse.

Massage has been shown to reduce people's physical tension and mental stress - and if you have a chronic illness or chronic pain like me, a good massage is always a good idea! You don't need to hire a high-end masseuse to reap some of these benefits, either. Give yourself a massage instead by rubbing your own muscles while lotioning up after your shower or using a tennis ball or foam roller to break up any knots and tension. Pair this massage with a relaxing bubble bath and you have the makings of a perfect self-date night.

5. Set aside extra time to read a book, just for fun.

I know that winter can be a busy time with friends and family, but don't forget to set aside some alone time in your schedule. Add a good book into the equation, and your quiet night in will be extra enjoyable.

6. Bake yourself something festive!

Besides getting to eat a delicious pumpkin or apple inspired treat, you'll feel nice and cozy when your kitchen is warm from the oven and smelling like the holidays. (And if you need some ideas for gluten free pumpkin desserts or baked goods, try out this recent round up of mine!).

7. Walk it out (outdoors or at a local gym).

Depending on the weather where you live, going for a walk outside might not be an option. Even if you have to go for a walk inside, though, your brain will still thank you. Research has found that exercise can drastically improve people's mental health, and even just walking will lower how often people have "bad days."

8. Take up a new, indoor hobby.

And if being outdoors is realllly not an option, starting a new hobby that takes place indoors is ideal. Start putting together puzzles, learning how to cross-stitch...or even practicing rock-climbing, like I did last year! Who knows - you may end up finding a hobby that you love doing year-round.

9. Try out hot yoga.

Because there's no better escape for winter weather than a relaxing, mantra-and-stretch filled session of hot yoga.

10. Light one of your favorite candles.

More research still needs to be done on the benefits of aromatherapy, but science seems to suggest that certain scents can help us chilllll out. Find a scent that you enjoy, like lavender or peppermint, and experiment with burning different candles and seeing which smells work best for you!

11. Purge your social media feeds.

You've heard of spring cleaning, but winter is another great time to set yourself up for a fresh start in the New Year. If you find yourself spending more time than ever on social media since it's too cold or dreary to go outside, pay attention to how each account makes you feel and ditch the ones that aren't doing you any favors.

12. Get crafty and let out your inner child.

Create a wreath to hang on your door, use colorful pens and papers to create homemade cards or just doodle in a notebook. These kinds of creative activities have been linked to improved mood and creativity the next day...plus, you might end up with some very cute gifts to give this Christmas. Win-win!

13. Pamper yourself with a face mask.

I've only started using face masks this last year, and the hype is worth it. My favorite is a simple mix of honey with cinnamon that I apply on "problem areas" for around 10-15 minutes before washing it off, but there are tons of safe (and even delicious!) face mask recipes you can find online. No fancy or expensive ingredients or products required. Plus, dry winter skin will definitely thank you for the extra TLC.

14. Dust off your crockpot and experiment with a new yummy recipe.

I know I've certainly been lax in using my crockpot lately, and it can be hard to feel motivated to start cooking dinner first thing in the morning. But your future self will definitely thank you for the little bit of prep you do earlier, and winter is the perfect time to whip up something warm and gooey. May I suggest my crockpot stacked enchiladas or vegan mac and cheese?

15. Throw a pajama party.

Whether you have a solo party or invite friends, spend a whole, blissful day hanging out in your PJs.

16. Do something nice for someone else.

Acts of kindness have actually been scientifically shown to improve people's physical and mental health, so passing it forward this winter is actually a win-win. Donate to a local toy-drive, send a care package to a solider or pay for the next person's coffee in Starbucks. Little acts can have a big impact.

17. Start a gratitude practice.

If you're the journaling type, you can start writing what you're grateful for every day in a notebook. Otherwise, sticky notes or just thinking about two things you're grateful for each morning or night will still give you a positivity boost!

18. Set aside time to play your favorite "pointless" game.

Whether it's Sudoku, Words With Friends or a video game that you used to play for hours every day in high school, give yourself permission to just sit back and play for a little while. I know that during most of the year, I'm a major multi-tasker and anytime I do get to play a game, it's because I'm traveling or waiting to start another chore. So chillin' (pun intended) with my gamer self during winter is one of my favorite ways to relax.

19. Declutter at least one part of your house.

Along with purging your social media feeds, on days when cold weather keeps you in the house, you might try purging cluttered corners as well. Decluttering can not only improve concentration, but it can also improve your mood, lower your stress levels and give you a better night's sleep. And if you play your latest Netflix binge, favorite podcast or an epic holiday playlist in the background, you can make decluttering feel a lot more fun too.

20. Stretch yo' body.

At least for me, finding the motivation for a hard workout feels a lot harder when it's cold, dark and dreary outside. So on days when you feel like you're in a funk but don't feel up for a full workout, do some gentle stretches (even in the comfort of your own bed!) instead. It will loosen up your muscles, slash your stress and might even help you be more productive at work.

21. Choose a mantra for the upcoming year.

Obviously, you shouldn't spend all winter pining for spring...but it can't hurt to spend a little time reflecting on what you want from the upcoming months. In 2018, my word or mantra of the year was "discomfort." In 2019, it was "open." And while I haven't decided exactly what word I want to keep in mind during the start of a new decade, I think something similar to "change" will end up winning. What do you want to get out of this Spring? You still have some cold weeks to help you figure out your answer!

The Bottom Line of Self Care During Winter

As the days get colder and our social schedules get busier, it's easy to let self care fall to the bottom of our to-do list. I know from personal experience, though, that you can't run on empty...and when you better yourself through self care, you're also empowering yourself to be a better friend, family member, and personal overall! So this winter, give yourself the gift of self care rituals...and if you need even more ideas, feel free to check out my previous roundups: How to Create Your Own Self Care Retreat in 5 Easy Steps; 15 Self Care Activities You Can Do Without Leaving Bed; and 21 Self Care Activities You Can Do in 15 Minutes or Less! How are you taking care of yourself this winter? Give me more of your own self care ideas in the comments below! via Blogger https://ift.tt/2OKlqR3

#Blogger #college #celiac #gluten free #coeliac #celiacs #paleo #primal #foodporn #foodart

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foreveratlas · 6 years ago

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Chronicles of an Elf 6

Links to Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, and Episode 5.

Episode 6: New Routines

Light spilled through the high window that was suspended well above the plain mattress in the small room that Luka was granted. The beam cascaded at just the right angle to shine obnoxiously across her face if she were laying. The irony was that it wasn’t morning. The light was being shined through by an outside sconce illuminating the fortresses outer walls. Instead she stood, appraising her new home after a long day of being in the sweltering heat of the forge with Tomlan. She grinded her teeth at the thought of him and turned to face the doorway.

Time was a concept that Luka was about as familiar with as anything else. Morning was morning. Afternoon was afternoon. Evening was evening. So staring up at the circular device with three extensions, one ticking away in a direction around the face while the two others moved far more slowly, gave her pause. It was placed just above the doorway into her quarters.

“That’s a clock,” a familiar yet unfamiliar voice said. Tetra stood in her doorway in the female form that Luka had seen earlier. “It’s used to tell time.”

Luka frowned. “Why didn’t the bunker have one?”

Tetra shrugged. “It requires power or batteries. Scavenging for pre-cataclysm batteries is a bit of a hassle and the electricity we were able to use had be used conservatively. Knowing the time wasn’t really a necessity.”

“A necessity? You kept me locked in a bunker for years and you want to talk about necessity?”

Tetra let out a long sigh that caused her shoulders to slump. “When it comes to elves, it’s incredibly hard to know who to trust outside of us. You were chained to a tree for a reason, and though that reason hasn’t been made apparent, the fact was that the culprits could have been on either side of the border.” She came closer and dragged the chair from the desk against the wall with her and sat down. “You need to understand that outside of our own kind, elves are either hated or coveted.”

“Coveted?” Luka asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“The human nations have a habit of wanting us for perverse reasons. Draconians are either neutral to us or want to destroy us for whatever war they happened to be in with us. Umbrans aren’t known to be the most likable of the realm. Sylvarians are usually detested for being…”

“Snobby?” Luka interjected.

Tetra chuckled. “That’s better than the word I was going to use.”

“And Temprests?”

“Surprisingly, the least despised. Probably because they keep to themselves in the great forests.”

“So you kept me sheltered and ignorant, out of what… concern? And why didn’t you get Laon involved prior to now?”

“Because the idea was to work the case on my own so not to draw attention from possible connections and leads. I wasn’t sure I could trust Laon completely, and you even migrating South into the capital has not only put a target on your back but has also basically informed the world that an Umbran managed to get into continent’s most fortified city without much effort.”

Luka pursed her lips in response before adding, “But what about us being attacked on the side of the road?”

Tetra shook her head. “An unfortunate event. They had been looking for you for over a decade prior to that point. It was carelessness on my part.”

“They followed us back to the bunker.”

“More carelessness on my part.”

“They got Whilsk!” Luka cried, kicking the leg of the bed.

“That I can assure you did not happen.”

“And how can you be so sure? Whilsk can’t use magic because she’s not a pure elf.”

“That doesn’t mean she isn’t capable. Whilsk’s official title is the Weapons Master. Not to mention, she is a Shadow Arts genius. The Fire Dragon Priestess’s guards were trained by Whilsk over a hundred years ago. Those teachings remain the core of their abilities today.”

Luka realized that she was very much a child in comparison to Tetra and Whilsk. Her life was still very much beginning. Tetra, known as the Blight of Sylvarnia and Whilsk, the Weapons Master. She felt like she truly didn’t know them after all. Who was she to them? They were trying to baby sit her while also trying to solve a case.

“Whilsk will be ok. I’d be more surprised if she hadn’t already murdered everyone involved in the infiltration,” Tetra chuckled.

Luka sighed. “So what will happen now?”

“Now,” Tetra said, puffing her chest out. “I go find her.”

“Will she even recognize you?”

Tetra took a moment to appraise herself. First her arms and then her torso and stomach, then her thighs and shins. She spun around absently and before nodding. “Whilsk is very much aware of my ability to change my gender based on how I feel.”

“How is that even a thing?”

“It’s specific to elven blights as we kind of already bridge the idea of—look that’s not the point. The point is, I can do this. Do you have a problem with that?”

Luka shook her head. “Absolutely not. Just offended that you would keep me in the dark for so long about this and other things.”

Tetra sighed. “I understand. Believe me when I tell you that it was all for your benefit, I promise.”

Luka rolled her eyes.

“I’ll be gone for a while. I plan to find Whilsk and the source of the attack on the bunker. Stay here and try not to draw unnecessary attention.”

“I’m apparently going to be working with a blacksmith. I’ll never see the light of day, so you won’t have to worry about that.”

“Don’t give me that. Laon wants you to earn your stay. Everyone who is in this fortress has a job. You get a place to sleep, food, and a wage for doing what you’re supposed to do.”

“Sounds like a lucrative means of keeping everyone in line,” Luka spat.

“It’s about making sure everyone has a place to sleep and a roof over their heads. Not everyone may enjoy their jobs, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like the perks.”

“And do you not like your job, Commander?” a new voice asked. Ultima stood in the doorway holding two duffle bags over one shoulder. A large claymore hung across his back.

Tetra smirked. “I never said I didn’t. But that’s neither here nor there.”

Ultima snorted. “We’re phantoms in fifteen.”

Tetra nodded as the prince walked away. She then turned to face Luka once. Her appearance began to change once again, slowly returning to the masculine form Luka was used to seeing. At a head taller than before, Tetra stared down at Luka and took her by the shoulders. “Going forward, you will need to be your own person. You will need to take accountability for yourself. Whilsk and I won’t be able to help you anymore. Now you’ve got to stand on your own two feet. Even when I bring Whilsk, it will be obvious that she won’t be able to walk away from this place like she could before. Now she will be forced to return to this life. I didn’t want that for you or for her. Do you understand?”

Luka nodded.

“I’ll see you in a few days if everything goes according to plan.”

“And if it doesn’t?” Luka asked.

“Then I won’t be seeing you at all, I imagine.” Tetra gave a sad smile, patted Luka on the head, and turned to leave. “You’ll have to find those answers on who you are and where you came from on your own without me.”

“Can’t say I’m happy about that.”

Tetra shook his head. “No. I imagine you won’t be happy with the outcome either.” And with that, Tetra turned to leave, moving out into the hall and out of sight.

Luka watched the door for a long while, hoping for something to change in its appearance, or for Tetra to return out of nowhere with Whilsk acting like all of this was a joke and that they were ready to go home. But the idea of home felt miles away, and Luka realized that the bunker was not a place she could easily return to anytime soon. Or maybe ever. She felt a tremor creep across her heart, causing her breath to come cascading through her lips. It was a new anxiety, one she wouldn’t understand until much later.

Her stomach growled, but she ignored the hunger that had been building up. Slowly, she closed the door in her disdain, deciding sleep was better than sating her appetite.

Luka woke before the sun rose the next morning and after dressing in an outfit that was more suitable to work in the forge than the armor she had on the day prior (yet keeping her traveling gloves on anyway), she made her way around the fort. Beyond the guards and soldiers that made their rounds, eyeing her suspiciously, she didn’t meet anyone else. She imagined that the reason they didn’t stop her to give her any trouble was due to Tetra or Ultima or maybe even Laon making a statement to leave her alone. Her wandering led her to a kitchen where a few draconians were setting up for the first meal of the day.

“Breakfast won’t be served until seven-thirty,” a massive man with a great big beard said upon Luka’s appearance. She noticed that he looked human in origin, which was insane for how tall he was. But his girth was just as impressive. He was thick, well fed, but equipped with muscles all across his arms and chest. His skin was pale and mottled in light brown spots across his nose and cheeks and forehead and his hair and beard were both the brightest orange and red she had over seen on someone.

“Seven thirty?” Luka repeated, twisting her nose slightly at the number.

“About two hours,” he said again as he began to stack pan after pan after on the wide counter. When Luka didn’t respond, he sighed. “Can you tell time?” he asked.

Luka slowly shook her head, her cheeks darkening in a mixture of shame and embarrassment.

His face turned to look at a large clock was mounted to the wall above a massive freezer door. “Do you see that?” he pointed. Luka nodded. “The long hand tells you the minute. The fat, short hand tells you the hour. So the fat short hand is pointed at a five, and the long hand is pointed at seven. Minutes go by five. So fat short hand is at five, long hand is at seven, count from the twelve: five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty five, thirty, and thirty five. It’s five thirty five. Do you understand?”

Luka nodded. Telling time was easier than she anticipated. Not as easy as understand that mornings were when the some comes up and the world was mostly cool; noon was when the sun was at its highest point; and evening was when the sun was beginning to set. Night was dark. But this pinpointed time for her a bit more easily. Her stomach growled suddenly, loud enough for the larger man to hear.

He let out a loud snort. “Looks like you wont make it to breakfast.” He turned from her, opened a large cabinet and grabbed two apples, a banana, and hunk of bread, delivering the bounty to Luka on plate that must have been made of tin. As he approached, Luka realized just how big the guy was as his hand was almost twice the size of the plate.

“Thank you,” she said, almost surprised as he pushed the food in front of her. “Why are you being so nice?”

“Life isn’t easy for someone who doesn’t look like everyone else here. I’m Borg,” he nodded.

“Lukanay Fial. Luka for short,” she said as she took the hunk of bread and tore it in half. She then held up a half section to Borg.

He smiled warmly, “No, no little Luka. That’s for you. I ate already. Have you seen the size of me? I can’t keep this astounding physique without constantly eating!” he gave a hearty laugh and returned to setting up for the day. Luka ate the banana and an apple along with one of the pieces of bread. Borg gave her a bag to keep the rest in for later if she got hungry.

As Luka stood up to leave, Borg called over his shoulder, “Come by any time, little Luka.” She smiled and waved as she left with her bag in hand.

Luka arrived at the large doors to the forge. To her dismay they were unlocked and the fires were already beginning to glow. The large room that was dedicated to Draconia and Fort Dragoon’s armor and weapon making was mostly void of people, but she could make out a few individuals going through their morning routines to set up their fires.

Tomlan was one of those people. When Luka found him, he was stoking the coal with a long prod. A stack of billets of different colors were already set out to the side. He looked up to see Luka as she approached. “You’re early, Umbran.”

“When did you expect me to show up?” She asked.

“I didn’t. Put your apron and gloves on, we have a large order to fill.”

Luka set aside her bag with her bread and apple and pulled on the heavy leather apron and the thick gloves. She flexed her hands in them slowly, feeling how two sets of gloves worked together. She realized she would be handling iron, and thus her skin began to itch in response. The multiple pairs of gloves would definitely help her avoid her allergy.

“We have three swords to make and a battle axe head to get started on before noon. Grab two billets and lets get to work.”

Luka realized after a few hours of holding a billet down as Tomlan folded the piece over and over that he wasn’t well liked by the other blacksmiths. Draconians weren’t affected by flames or heat the same way Tomlan and she was. If they wore gloves, it was for the sake of grip and not for the sake of avoiding being burned. If they wore aprons, they were made of cloth, while Tomlan and Luka’s were made of leather in the event sparks were to hit them. He spent more time on individual blades as well. Many times Luka heard area blacksmiths chiding him as he worked diligently heat, hammer, and fold billets. Some even said he folded the metal too much. But Tomlan ignored them. Even when one particular Dragonian “accidentally” knocked Tomlan’s stacked billets over, he didn’t stop his progress. He kept working to ensure his products would get to a satisfying point.

Once a soon-to-be-blade reached enough folds, he taught Luka how to take a metal, “Spring Steel,” he called it, and fold it into the middle of the billet. “This will add shock absorption,” he noted. Once that combination was well heated, he began to hammer in quick succession turning the billet over until it began to elongate into the vague shape of a blade. His heating process was methodical, and he made sure his timing was exact, never wasting a minute in the process. When one billet was set into the fire to be heated, another was pulled forth from the embers, glowing yellow to be hammered further.

Three long broadswords were the end result of such a process, and though they were rough, Luka could tell how they were powerful and well made. The sun was shining through the open end of the room.

Tomlan cursed as he pulled the billet he had been heating from the forge for the axe head. Luka came close to see what his issue was. “This billet is inferior,” he said without giving much of an explanation, but she could see what he meant. Unlike his other billets that she had worked on with him, this one had crumbled along the one side and a large gaping hole could be seen.

Laughter could be heard from across the forge. “How’s the billet treating you, Tomlan?” one of the Draconians called. “Does it not meet your high standards?”

Tomlan spat into the fire and dropped the bad billet back into the flames. He turned to look at the pile of billets that had been knocked over earlier. He grabbed two and felt their weight before tossing them aside. Luka watched curiously before he finally grabbed one he was satisfied with and thrust it into the fire. “We should have been done with the first fold by now.”

“How long will it take for this one to heat?”

“Too long.”

“That can’t be helped,” Luka said before pulling off the top set of thick gloves.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m hungry,” Luka stamped. Tomlan pursed his lips in response. She grabbed the bag that Borg had given to her earlier and pulled out the hunk of bread and the apple. She noticed Tomlan watching her. “Have you eaten yet?” she asked.

“That’s not concern of yours,” he snapped.

She frowned and broke the bread in half along the with the apple and handed him a piece of each. He refused at first but she forced the food into his hands. “You need to eat.”

For a moment, Luka worried he was going to throw the food into the fire and perhaps Tomlan was seriously considering it. But instead, he pulled off his gloves with his teeth and proceeded to eat the modest bounty Luka had shared.

As she ate in silence, Tomlan asked, “Why are you wearing two sets of gloves?”

She looked over curiously to find his expression had changed. She then looked to the tight leather traveling gloves on her palms. “I’m allergic,” she began before choosing her words carefully, “to certain things. Touching them causes extreme reactions to my skin. I always wear a pair of gloves so I don’t accidentally touch something and burn myself without realizing it.”

Tomlan was silent for a moment to her response before nodding. Just as he was about to say something, a messenger came up to him, departing a letter with him.

He took a moment to read it before frowning. “Twelve daggers and four full breast plates by the end of the week?” The messenger shrugged.

“Breaks over,” he sighed. “Our order has just increased on top of what we haven’t finished already.”

Luka frowned but for the first time since she started working with Tomlan, noticed a bit of warmth emanating toward him.

CONTINUE ON TO EPISODE 7!

#chronicles of an elf #luka #elves #fantasy #original story #oc

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master-sass-blast · 6 years ago

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Henlo, it's me, your local trash monster here to say I love Hannah and I can't wait to hear more about her?? That being said, GIMME ALL THE SAD GOODS ABOUT HER. But also add in something happy about her in the end! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ ((Also sending hugs! I know things have been stressful the last few days so just know I'm rooting for you !!))

Holy fuck I think this is the first time someone’s ever told me to cut loose and just SAY ALL THE THINGS AND I’M SO EXCITED!!!! :D

(Answers under the cut because I just went with the entire list. I have no self control.

And thank you for the hugs and encouragement!)

1. What is one word to shut them up: Okay, for some context, Hannah is a lawyer. She has a thick skin (unlike me, heyoooo). It takes a lot to shut her up; she’s an HBIC and she owns it.

But if someone starts talking about her scars (she’s struggled/struggles with self-harm), she shuts down. It’s a part of her she’s still self-conscious about, and if someone mentions it she’ll literally stop mid-sentence and mentally exit the conversation.

2. What is the thing they feel the most guilty about: Again, she’s got a pretty thick skin, so she doesn’t hold onto too much. Life happens, you make mistakes, and it’s better to learn from them rather than beat yourself over the head for something you can’t change anyway.

If there’s something she’s going to feel guilty about, though, it’s fights or incidents she’s had with family members/close friends where she’s hurt them with something she’s said or done. She holds herself in high accountability to ensure that she doesn’t step all over people, and when she does she fails not only them but her expectations for herself, so yeah. Guilt.

3. What is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced: Physical pain? Probably different injuries from her career in martial arts. She’s a tough cookie, but some of that stuff just hurts.

Emotional pain? Anytime she fails her expectations for herself. She has very high standards for herself, and when she can’t reach them she becomes very depressed (more so than usual).

4. Describe their worst nightmare: Actual dream? Anything where she’s drowning or running out of air. She almost drowned a couple times as a child/preteen, and the trauma still emerges in her adult life from time to time.

Real life “this is a nightmare” scenario? Any point where her depression gets so bad that she stops being functional. Things just start piling up and get overwhelming very quickly.

5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear: 1.) Drowning, which runs pretty deep but it’s an obvious one that she’s done a lot of therapy work for, and she doesn’t mind talking about it with other people. 2.) Wasps. She accidentally got locked into a shed with an active wasp nest in it as a child. She made it out alright, but the sheer terror of the situation made her repress the memory. She’s heard the story from friends and family, and “gets” why she’s scared of the fuckers, but can’t actually recall the incident itself. 3.) The dark. A side effect of depression is paranoia, and when she’s alone, in the dark, she can’t shake the feeling that there’s some sort of creature watching/following her. When her depression gets really bad, she has to sleep with a light on to keep from flipping out.

6. What is something that never fails to make them feel sick: She’s not naturally squeamish, but the sounds of belching (ala college frat boys, y’all know what I mean) make her stomach churn.

7. What feature (physical or otherwise) do they hate most about themselves: Her scars. She’s very ashamed of them, and goes out of her way to wear long sleeved shirts so she can hide them.

8. Do they have anything that triggers them: Feeling like she’s failed her own expectations/expectations others have of her, accidentally inhaling water, the ‘buzzing’ sound bees/wasps make.

9. What is their greatest physical weakness: Her height. She might be a kickass lawyer and an even kick-assier martial artist, but she barely clears five feet.

10. What is their greatest mental weakness: Her struggles with self-hatred. She’s her own worst enemy a lot of the time.

11. Do they have any vices: Not really. Not as far as serious vices go. She’s pretty grounded.

12. Have they ever done something illegal? What was it: Nope. She knew she wanted to be a lawyer from day one and made sure her record was spotless.

13. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins best describes them: Pride? I think that one comes closest? Again, since she really doesn’t have a vice or a thorn in her side, it’s hard to pick something for her.

I think Pride comes closest because she spirals when she fails to live up to her own expectations, which I think often comes with a bit of ego (at least in my experience with that sort of thing). She’s also got a lot to be proud of (lawyer, martial artist, financially independent), but she’s not a walking ego either?

Idk. This is a weird question, lol.

14. Are they prone to outbursts (of violence, extreme emotion… exc… ): Not really. Don’t get me wrong, she can get there, but it takes a lot. She’s very collected (and usually swings the opposite way; she’s more likely to cold shoulder you if she’s mad).

She does threaten to shove her Prada stiletto sideways up Hank Pym’s ass, though. So there’s that.

15. Who do they hate the most: Guys who use her height against her by cornering her into spots while they try to ask her out/talk to her about something. It’s the fastest way to wind up on her shit list.

16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior: Herself. She’s her own worst enemy.

17. What sound always gives them a headache: Her coworker Tracey’s text/notification sound. Which is always going off because Tracey’s always talking to someone.

18. Is there a certain flavor that disgusts them: Not really. She’s half Japanese, half ethnic Jew, and a practicing Jew to boot, so she grew up on a pretty broad flavor palette.

She’s tried a bacon cheeseburger once on a dare, though, and she hated it.

19. Do they consider themselves ugly: Not really (outside of her scars). She’s pretty confident in her appearance.

20. Do they consider themselves unloveable: Again, not really. She’s spent a lot of time in therapy, which helps, but she’s always had her feet pretty well on the ground.

21. What is something that causes them great anxiety: The prospect of losing. She’s very competitive.

22. Do they have any mental illnesses: Depression.

23. Have they ever been assaulted/abused/raped: She’s run into the usual guys that like to try and use her size against her, but they usually wind up worse for wear than she does.

24. Do they fear the possibility of being assaulted/abused/raped: Yes. She’s five feet tall and doesn’t clear 110 lbs. She’s very aware that she’s got “TARGET” written across her back.

25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust: Fortunately, no. Most of her close relationships come from communities she knows well (school, work, the temple she attends in LA), so she hasn’t had to deal with too much betrayal.

26. Have they ever been seriously injured: Yes. Even outside of her struggles with self-harm, she’s a martial artist. She’s broken a few bones over the years from that.

27. How many times have they been in the hospital: Five. Three for some pretty drastic self harm incidents, and two from sparring injuries.

28. Is there a certain type of person that disgusts them: Obviously, she has frustrations with asshole guys, racists/anti-Semites, but she cannot stand people who work in organizations that prey on the disenfranchised (ala military recruiters going to schools in impoverished areas to fill their quota because they know how to trick the kids into trying out and all that). It gets her blood boiling fast.

29. Does what they cannot see scare them: Yes. Again, this shows perfectly with her fear of the dark.

30. Have they ever been bullied: Yupp. For her heritage, her beliefs, her mental health struggles, her size... High school sucks.

31. Do they have self-confidence or self-image issues: Yes and no. Again, she’s pretty confident about most things in life, but she does have certain weak points (her scars, living up to her own expectations, her height).

32. Do they have a bad relationship with their parents: Actually, no! She has a good relationship with both her parents and her extended family!

33. Have they ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out so well: Not in the drastic sense of things. She’s been through a few break ups, sure, but nothing that was abusive or crazy.

34. Have they ever self harmed: Yes. It’s something she still struggles with as an adult.

35. If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be: Her scars. She’d make them disappear.

36. Are they in control of their emotions, or are their emotions in control of them: She’s pretty well in control of her emotions.

37. Have they ever had their freedom taken away: Not really, no.

38. Have they ever been imprisoned: Nope.

39. Have they ever been accused of something they didn’t do: Not in any serious sense. Her reputation for toeing the line was too well known for her to be accused of something she didn’t do.

40. Do they often blame themselves for other people’s problems: She did as a teenager, but dutiful therapy and self-care has helped her outgrow that habit.

41. Do they get sick often: Nope! She’s pretty healthy.

42. Are they comfortable with where they are in life: She’s content, but not complacent.

43. Do they wish that they could change their pasts: Yes. Again, she doesn’t like her history with self-harm. If she could erase that, she would.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t: Travel. Her job’s pretty demanding as far as hours go.

45. What is the emotion they most commonly experience: Melancholy. No matter what she’s doing, it’s sort of always hanging around her, like a tiny cloud.

46. Have they ever contemplated suicide: Yes. Unfortunately, it’s a side effect of the depression.

47. Have they ever gone so far as to attempt suicide: A couple of times, when she was teenager.

48. Is there anyone that they would willingly kill: Outside of self-defense/the defense of others? No.

49. If [name] was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through: Being forced to reject her identities as a Jew/person of Japanese heritage. Her families have made it through so much (internment camps, persecution, the Holocaust), and she’d rather die than erase her own identity.

50. Create your own: Alright, I’m gonna put the happy one here so we end on a high note!

She’s a firm believer in the need for “mah” (the Japanese word for “emptiness), or a moment to pause and do nothing. It’s easy to see that reflected in how she practices meditation, follows Shabbat, or takes time each day to simply be.

However, she also believes that the principle of “mah” is what makes her and Luis work so well as a couple. She is the silence to his constant chatter and helps him keep his feet on the ground. Likewise, he keeps her from living inside her head and helps her connect to the world.

They’re just such opposites attract. Ugh, I love them so much!

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purplesurveys · 3 years ago

Text

1237

disclaimer I’ll be taking into account the last 24 hours for the first part because it’s 3 in the morning and I haven’t really done anything yet lmao anywho

survey by chasingghosts

Have you today?

Looked in a mirror? Yeah I took a shower earlier so I couldn’t really avoid the mirror in the bathroom.

Watered a plant? I don’t do plants. Can never take care of them to save my life.

Worn denim? I did, actually. Some package came for me earlier today and I didn’t really look the most decent, so before heading out to meet the delivery guy I grabbed the first jacket I saw, which was denim.

Washed your hair? Yes, when I took said shower a couple of hours ago.

Been in pain? Yup my back and shoulders feel like hell from sitting on my ass all day while at work.

Had a nap? Kinda, I guess? I fell asleep at around 9, 9:30ish...woke up at around 1 AM, and here I am now. I don’t plan on sleeping anymore.

Brushed your teeth? Yup.

Kissed someone? Just my dogs.

Used a cheese grater? No, I don’t think I’ve consumed any cheese today either.

Eaten something sweet? Nah, it’s all been salty/savory for me today.

Spoken to a stranger? Sure.

Dropped something? I drop my vape pen at least once a day, so yes.

Felt upset in some way? UGH yeah. Our internet disappeared at around 2 in the afternoon and it still hasn’t come back, and our service provider’s social media has been unsurprisingly unresponsive and useless. I’ve been using data since then and I’m just worried about how long this would take because I don’t want to keep spending just for extra load. I also have my Korean language classes this afternoon which will for sure require a lot of data :/

Drank coffee? I have a full mug of it beside me right now.

Walked for more than thirty minutes? LOL no, I’ve only stayed indoors.

Signed up for something? Hmm I don’t think so.

Travelled in a car? See two answers above this.

Opened a can? Nopes.

Thought about doing something crazy? Just me thinking about dropping another couple thousands on merch until I mentally slapped myself and told myself I’d be fucking stupid if I spent on one more piece of stupid merch.

Listened to a new song? Yes, I tried listening to Love Shot by EXO over dinner since my sister had started humming it. It was okay but I quickly shifted back to BTS right after hahaha.

Written in a notebook? No. I only do so when I practice my Hangul but I have yet to work on that today.

Fed an animal? Yes, I have pets.

Checked your emails? I mean that’s kind of the standard in my job lol I have my Gmail tab up throughout the 8 hours.

Told someone you love them? No.

Made a phone call? No, I’m rarely the one who makes the call.

Have you in the last week?

Travelled on a bus? I’ve never ridden a bus solely for commuting by myself. I’ve only been on them when it’s the arranged vehicle, like for school field trips or our family vacations. Our public buses are quite bleck and unsanitary and the drivers maneuver the buses like it’s their last goddamn hour on the planet, so I don’t get on them myself.

Washed your face? I mean yeah, when I take showers. I don’t really have a skincare routine though, if that’s what you mean.

Used a blender? We rarely have a use for a blender at home so we don’t even have one.

Received a phone call? No. My biggest pet peeve is when delivery riders call me up once they’ve arrived at our place just to say “I’m here,” but fortunately the one assigned to me today to deliver my package knew how to use the doorbell.

Talked to someone you dislike? Yeah I have to deal with a client I absolutely fucking despise everyday.

Consumed alcohol? I’ve thought of it, but then I thought of how sleepy I get whenever I drink alcohol and decided against it because I wanted to stay up tonight.

Eaten pasta? Yeah, my dad made Filipino-style spaghetti for dinner the other evening.

Planned for an event? Not an event per se but sure, I made some plans? Punk is slated to make his debut on AEW/return to pro wrestling next weekend or sometime soon, idrk - and this is a big fucking deal omg, 15 year old Robyn has arisen from her grave - and Andi and I made plans to watch it together so we can freak the fuck out.

Asked someone for a favour? Yes. I borrowed cash from my mom since the delivery fee for my packaging earlier was apparently cash on delivery.

Watched something funny? I mean I watch BTS clips pretty much everyday and a gigantic chunk of them are hilarious.

Trimmed your nails? No, but I did bite on them multiple times.

Browsed Reddit? I did actually! After a super long time of not doing so...I just decided to randomly check out r/bangtan to see what’s going on there. It’s mostly Americans though so idk if I’ll make a habit out of browsing.

Talked to yourself? Oh this happens a few times a day.

Purchased tickets for something? Nope.

Felt like you were annoying someone? Just about everyday.

Cleaned a toilet? I have not.

Reminisced about the past? Not really. I’ve made references to the past with friends, but we didn’t ~reminisce.

Used headphones? Yeah I always use my headphones when playing Rhythm Hive so I can hear the beats better.

Laughed with a friend? Many times. Always just virtually, though.

Cooked dinner and then didn't feel hungry? I don’t cook.

Written a list? LOL yes. My period had been coming and I noticed I was crying over the smallest, stupid things, so I started a list of the things I cried over the last week. The funniest item on the list is probably an ad that was shown to us during a campaign briefing...

Played an instrument? Nope.

Felt jealous or envious? I will sometimes feel the tiniest tinge of envy and wistfulness when I see my friends in happy and fulfilled relationships, but it passes in a second.

Ignored a text message on purpose? So many hahahahahahah

Congratulated someone? Yes!!! Graduation season was last week so I congratulated a shit ton of friends.

Have you in the last month?

Made a piece of art? Making art was never made for me, so no.

Rewatched one of your favourite tv shows or movies? Yep, I rewatched Friends a couple of weeks ago.

Called a plumber? Nope.

Been to a see a doctor? I mean, technically I guess yeah? When I had to get my vaccine shot.

Finished a book? I haven’t done that in a while.

Had a crush on someone? Just celebrities but I won’t count those.

Travelled on a train? I haven’t.

Worn heels? Haven’t done this either.

Been to a friend's house? I’ve been to Angela’s house semi-regularly, yup.

Shared a bed with someone? Nah.

Been to see a movie at the cinema? I haven’t been to the cinema in like a year and a half.

Paid attention to celebrity drama? Erm not really. I also haven’t been up to date with that, especially with American celebrities hahaha.

Felt anxious? Maybe not anxious but nervous.

Taken an elevator? Yeah in Mega since that place is so goddamn big.

Given someone the cold shoulder? Yep, my mom when she is being extra annoying/condescending.

Purchased a new book/game/movie? I guess you can say that? I bought a subscription pack on Rhythm Hive because I was using it regularly anyway.

Applied for a job? I already have a job, so no. I did get a job proposal on Linkedin a couple of weeks ago with another PR firm, but I took a look at their clients just to see if the offer was something I could sink my teeth into - and even though their brands were quite high-profile, they were in industries I didn’t particularly find interesting.

Used a printer? Nah.

Had lunch in a park? No.

Gotten a manicure or pedicure? I have not.

Made an appointment? Just for my shot but that’s it.

Had a blood test done? Noooooo not another one of those plz.

Suffered from a major bruise? Not a major bruise but a huge bloody gash on my thigh after a particlarly rowdy play session with Cooper. There’s still a very visible scar on me.

Researched a topic in-depth? I do this quite a bit in my work, yes.

Have you in the last year?

Been to the beach? No, I’ve mostly stayed at home since July 2020.

Visited someone in the hospital? I haven’t. Too risky.

Played pinball? No, it’s never interested me.

Travelled on a plane? I haven’t. :(

Worn a costume? Sure, for Halloween last year I went as Dora.

Been thrift shopping? Not that I can recall, no.

Thought about getting pregnant or got pregnant? Definitely not at this point in my life.

Made a big life decision? Uh yeah this past year was both the worst and best rollercoaster I’ve ever been on. I can’t believe it’s almost been a year since that shitty breakup...

Changed a lightbulb? Nope.

Framed something and put it on your wall? No but I have been meaning to do this for months. I just never get around to buying some actual picture frames lol.

Been stargazing? Not the professional kind of way with a telescope and all. I’ve just lied on my back at the rooftop to gaze at the night sky and the stars.

Made a new friend? So many!!! Reena is probably my bestestestest new friend <3 I mean we’ve met a while ago, as Angela’s mutual - even had a few drinks or so together - but we didn’t become closer until just a couple of months ago.

Added to a collection? I’ve had merch that arrive every week or so these days because I bought a ridiculous amount of shit between May and June when I was a new Army. I’ve substantially calmed down now, but I should expect to receive my running list of ordered merch up until September LMAO. At first I used to bitch about the really long shipping period considering all the products come from Korea, but after 3 or 4 fulfilled orders you kinda get used to it.

Been to the dentist? No.

Broken up with someone? Yessss. I didn’t know it at the time but it would turn out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Held a baby? Nah.

Created a budget? Yeah...doesn’t mean I’ve been successful. I always go over, hehe.

Confessed feelings for someone? There isn’t anyone to do that for.

Had surgery of any kind? Nopes.

Quit a job? No and I have no plans to anytime soon.

Been in a car accident? Nah but my dad has, c/o some stupid and unattentive motorcycle driver.

Purchased something worth over a grand? So in US dollar conversion, around P50,000? Hell no.

Been on vacation at least 500km/300mi from home? No. :( The farthest we’ve been to was Tagaytay and I think that’ll remain the same for a while.

Applied for an academic course? Yes, my Korean class.

Had your photo taken by a professional? No, it’s been over a year since my last professional shoot for my senior photos.

#survey #surveys

0 notes

forkanna · 7 years ago

Link

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

NOTE: Told you I was going to keep this moving! We should also have another fic going soon on this account again - though I'm going to try to hold off on beginning that one until more of Coven is complete (so I don't wind up in the situation I had with Bind Us/Precious Little Knives lol). Enjoy!

A brief discussion followed as they retreated from the Upperuplands, winging their way further East to Pumperdink. Glinda had requested that be their next stop, and Elphaba was too worried about keeping her eyes peeled for the local law enforcement to worry overly about why. At least it was unlikely that the formerly royal armies could have swept that far north, if indeed they were still being pursued.

"Of course we are," she told Glinda impatiently as they drifted over the tops of the trees of the Great Gillikin Forest. "Didn't you hear the way those guards were shouting at us? And I have his Grimmerie!"

Redoubling her grip around Elphaba's waist, she said reasonably, "But it was such a little mistake, wasn't it? Taking the book. Why, the library at Shiz doesn't call out the army for an overdue fine!"

"You've seen what this book can do. Flying brooms and trunks and monkeys, and that's from a single spell! What do you think we can accomplish when we start learning about the others?"

"The others? You mean… you mean you intend to continue sorcerism?! Oh, that seems- I mean, with Morrible and the Wizard, and now we're- do we really want to dig ourselves any deeper? The teensy bit we've learned so far is already turning us into wanted criminals!"

"You have a better plan?" No answer. "I thought not."

"Fine, I don't, but that doesn't mean we should be stealing any more spellwork from His Wizlyness! If we give the book back now, with only the one spell used… maybe he won't mind at all! What's one flying broom between friends, right?"

Elphaba sighed as they wove between two taller treetops. "I doubt it will be that easy. But… perhaps we should ask for word at our next stop. See what the situation is in the Emerald City, if the search has reached this far North. Or if he's called it off; we could get lucky."

"Agreed. And I'll handle that job, since you… well, you're…"

"An artichoke."

"More noticeable," Glinda finished lamely. It earned her a rueful chuckle.

"Where is this we're heading, anyway?"

"My granny's house. She's not as rules-oriented as my parents, and might have some idea where we can go if the Wizard can't be reasoned with. Which I still think he can, once everything's a little calmer!"

Her response was scarcely a whisper. "Let's hope you're right — on all counts."

~ o ~

Granny Upland lived in a small domicile on the outskirts of the nicer side of Pumperdink — which is to say, it was still grander than Elphaba's childhood home in the governor's estate in Nest Hardings. Such a disparity between Gillikin and Munchkinland was well-known, but only hearing Glinda's descriptions of "quaint little bungalow" and "cozy Pumperdink" really drove it home. The hour was quite late, so they felt guilty ringing the bell to fetch anyone, but it was either that or sleep on her doorstep.

"Yes?" asked the Quadling servant whose round face was sandwiched by the door and its frame. Elphaba blinked and drew back in surprise, having at least expected a Gillikinese person to answer.

"Pardon the late hour and our intrusionary ringing," Glinda said with a curtsy. "But is the mistress of the house still up to receiving guests? I'm her granddaughter, Glinda — or Galinda, as she might remember me."

Elphaba's face fell into her palm.

"She is, but only just. One moment, please." The door closed, leaving them on the stoop as the sounds of footsteps receded. Within another five minutes, the servant returned and showed them in.

"Galinda, my dear, precious child!" the wizened old woman cried as she hobbled in on a cane, reaching out with the free hand to first grasp her forearm, and then draw her in for three-quarters of a hug. "Ohhh, I did wonder if I'd get to see you before your second year at that infernal university began! You're looking well, quite well!"

"Good eve, Granny! It has been ever so long, hasn't it? Oh, and this is my travelling companion, Elphaba!"

"Saint Aelphaba?" the woman gasped, obviously teasing. "Why, as I live and breathe; we've been blessed with a visit of a divinitous nature!"

Laughing, she turned to pull Elphaba closer, the latter hitching a pained, polite smile into place. Glinda already knew by now that she found being compared to the holy figure from Oz's history books beyond grating; anyone would, especially given the legend of Aelphaba disappearing nude into a waterfall. She could hardly blame her for wanting to distance herself from any kind of story that would encourage boys to ask her to shuck her clothing anytime it's raining. Not that it had stopped Glinda herself from making a remark or two when they were newly acquainted; she felt a little guilty about that now, but youth and idiocy often went hand in hand.

"Silly Granny. No, no, she's the daughter of the Eminent Thropp, the Munchkinland governor! Isn't that nifty?"

"Indeed, indeed. By the look of her, I'd have guessed she's from the Emerald City!" Chuckling at her own joke, Glinda merely grimacing and Elphaba too used to such remarks to react, she motioned for them to join her on the sofa. "Come, sit, sit. Have some Quox nuts - roasted just to the right darkness, very good for you."

"I'm allergic, Granny," Glinda told her patiently. "You knew that."

"Stuff and nonsense! Try a few, these are really quite good!" Glinda mimed reaching toward the bowl as the old woman turned toward Elphaba, pulling back her hand with no nuts in it once the attention was no longer on herself. "And you, Miss Aelphaba — how did you come to companionably travel with my little apple-cheeked granddaughter? And why are you wearing her hat?"

"Her hat?!"

The conversation meandered around from there, and they never did broach the subject of the Wizard and stolen spellbooks. This wasn't helped along by the fact that Granny was getting a little hard of hearing in her old age, and occasionally had to ask for clarification on several points. The effort of explaining fleeing the Wizard's palace in fear of their lives would be made that much harder.

At last, they retired for the evening. Nestled in one of the guest rooms that had two beds, they weren't awake for much longer. Already, Glinda felt odd with Elphie so far away; it had only been a couple of nights bunking together, but she had found it comforting to have her friend so closeby, within reach of her hand should she suffer a nightmare. She hadn't enjoyed that type of reassurance since she was a little girl.

"Can't believe you pawned off your dear, sweet grandmother's hat on me just because you didn't like it."

"Shhh, Elphie! I did like it, but didn't think it suited me. But seeing it on you, I genuinely think it works quite well." At least that last part was the full truth; she might feel guilty about deceiving Elphaba before, but the end result was that she now had a hat that looked as if it had been fashioned specifically for her head. All's well that ends well, as they said. Whoever 'they' were.

"Fine, fine. But don't think I'm…" A yawn interrupted the rest of her words. Smiling to herself, Glinda decided to interrupt that train of thought.

"Don't worry about it. Let's get some rest. Then tomorrow…"

"Tomorrow, we'll figure out our lives," Elphaba promised her. "Whether I should go on alone, and you stay here, or… something else."

Glinda smiled across at the other bed's occupant. "A girl could start to think she's not wanted with talk like that." But before Elphaba could reply, she yawned and snuggled into the pillow. "Goodnight, Elphie."

Harrumphing, she returned, "Goodnight, Glindie."

"Watch it, Fabala."

~ o ~

A week passed with little change. Though Granny played a wonderful host, she was useless at actually focusing on any deeper, darker subjects. Any time Glinda began to ask for help, or Elphaba attempted to confess her sins for a third time, she would change the subject. Whether this was by design or by chance was unclear.

Glinda did steal into the main square of town the fourth day, asking around the local watering hole. With a scarf on her head, she looked like any other Northerner, and gave her name as Gayelette — earning her some titters at the odd-sounding moniker. No one had heard any juicy gossip from Emerald City in a good, long while. She caught snippets of older bits and commented on them as if they were news to her, but otherwise came up dry. That was a positive thing, after all; the longer it took for news of their exploits to spread, the less frantically they would have to relocate.

Between chats, she also managed to pick up another dress or two that would fit Elphaba's taller frame. This involved a lot of over-describing to the clothiers, but in the end, she got the job done. She was tempted to pick up more travelling supplies, and did get herself a lovely pink cloak for those breezy flights high in the sky, but otherwise abstained. They should discuss what they might need together before she burned through their meager coin and had to pawn more valuables.

"Listen to this," Elphaba said from her perch on the bed, fingertips holding the pages of the Grimmerie open. "My Ancient Lurlinic is as rusty as can be, the characters are so hard to read… but I think it says, 'To turn a frog into cheese.' What possible use could this be?!"

"Don't look at me, Elphie; you know I can't read that gobbledygook."

Sighing, she nodded as she flipped through more pages. "I could probably teach you if I wasn't awful at it myself. Still… maybe if I spend enough time with this thing, I'll sharpen my skills. Learn to read Lurline's old scribbly mess as easily as Standardised Gillikinese."

"Maybe so — except I thought we would be returning that when we could," she reminded her pointedly.

"Right. Right, yes, we are." Nodding resolutely, she shut the book and set it aside. "It's just all so fascinating; not so much that I want to learn the spells, just that I want to know what spells there are to be learned. Does that make any sense at all?"

"It does; you have a thirst for knowledge. Always did at Shiz, too! I think that's commendable and worthy of respectfulness."

"Why do you always make up words that sound like other words, but longer?"

Blinking, Glinda looked down at the hole in Elphaba's cloak she had been patching and tried not to let herself blush. "W-well, I… it's fashionable. Don't they sound nicer when they're longer like that?"

"No, they sound longer." When Glinda only pouted a little more, she stood and brushed her knees off, then strode across to the window. "But what do I know?"

"You know Lurlinic, for one." Her patchwork could wait; there was no hurry. Crossing the little room, she stood by Elphaba. "Have… you thought about what you're going to write to the Wizard?"

"I have."

"And?"

Her fingernails dug at a small knothole on the windowsill. "And I still have no idea. Well, that isn't accurate; I have many ideas. All bad."

"Aww… here, why don't we get started? There's a stack of papers on the writing desk, and I'm sure it won't take us more than a few tries digging in before we strike emerald." Before Elphaba could protest, she took her by the elbow and turned her so that they were facing each other. "I'll take dictation; I may only know one language, but my penmanship is exquisitous."

That time, Elphaba only smirked at her odd little phrasing. "Alright, then. Suppose we might as well give it the old Shiz try." Once Glinda was seated at the writing desk and had unstoppered the inkwell, she asked, "Ready?"

"Hold on, let me test the nib." She scratched out a couple of words on a spare scrap of paper that had likely been torn in half to dash off a quick note. Satisfied, she redipped her quill. "Okay, let's have it!"

"Okay. Hmm… here. 'Dearest Wizard'- no, wait, forget that. He's not dear to me, he scarcely knows who I am!"

Glinda frowned up at her. "You're so nervous and I haven't even written anything!"

"You know how much I used to respect him! Even if… well, everything's gone wrong by now. But that's- okay, focus. I need to focus." She began to pace as she thought, and then suddenly began, "'Dear Wizard. I am deeply regretful that I… absconded with your Grimmerie.' Does 'absconded' sound okay?"

"Divine, Elphie. Keep going, this is all fine so far."

"Good. 'With your Grimmerie. It was never my intention to do so, especially because I did not know it existed before that day. However, the consequences of the spell you bade me read were not… were not…' Um… I didn't know what it was going to do…"

"Readily apparent?"

"'Readily apparent to me until they had already been read. Seeing the monkeys in such pain from the spell I read for you frightened me, and I panicked. I hope you can understand how I reacted. Therefore… it is with great regret that I apologise, and offer to return your Grimmerie to you, intact.' How is that?"

Glinda read it back to her, and Elphaba nodded along, still pacing. Then she asked, "Were you going to mention him letting us go?"

"Right, yes — that's what's next! Okay. '...to you, intact. In exchange for this, I wish you to grant Glinda Upland a full pardon, for she was an innocent bystander in all of this. As for myself, I will accept whatever punishment you deem appropriate.'"

"Wait, Elphie," Glinda said, just having finished writing down the last word. "What do you mean? Couldn't you ask for a pardon for yourself, too?"

Sighing, she turned weary eyes toward her friend. "It's asking too much. Look how far we ran off with the book! You really think he's going to just shrug and say 'oh well', especially now that we know how powerful it is?"

"Well… no, but it doesn't hurt to ask!" Dipping the quill again, she added on her own, "'But I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive and forget.' There, that way you're only asking, and not making it a condition of the Grimmerie's surrender."

"That's good, that's good," Elphaba confirmed as she hunched over the back of the chair, gazing down at the sheet. "And it looks clean and neat so far. Well done."

"Thank you," she whispered with a tiny smile. "Might not have many talents to my name, but penmanship is one of them. Okay, what else?"

"That's it. I don't want to beleaguer the point and take up too much of his time. Sign it 'Sincerely and ashamedly,' and my name."

"You sign your name," she asked once she had put down the rest, holding out the quill. After a brief moment of indecision, she did, with a flourish and some slight blotting that made the final letters look a bit spidery. Then she handed back the quill and reached to pick up the page. "W-wait, don't you want to use pounce first, so it doesn't smudge?!"

"O-oh, I… you're right, how stupid of me. What is wrong with my brain today?"

Smiling up at her as she reached for the pounce pot, she whispered, "You're fine. Just… nervous. I understand." She sprinkled the fine powder on the page, soaking up the extra ink. Then she turned toward the window, picking it up by the edges. "Can you…?"

"Yes, of course." Elphaba gently eased the window open, and Glinda blew the dust out into the late evening. Once the window was shut and they were back by the desk, Elphaba read over their work. "I hate it. However, I honestly don't think I could make a better job of it if I tried again, so we might as well leave it this way."

"Fine by me. Just hope it does the job that it should do."

Then they sealed it inside an envelope, took a deep breath, and turned in for the evening.

~ o ~

Another day passed much the same. Still they got nowhere with Granny conversationally, and still they had no clear idea of where to go, what to do. Elphaba wasted great gobs of time leafing through the Grimmerie, but it was more to keep from pacing or talking to herself than out of a desire to plumb the depths of its material. Glinda tried to take up most of her time mending clothes or chattering, which she could tell was beginning to get on her companion's nerves, but she had no better notion of what to do with herself. All her life, people had been shunting her in one direction or another; the few independent thoughts she had summoned were all very closely related to ones others had stated at one point or another. Life with Elphaba was highly challenging in ways she never could have predicted.

The next afternoon, Glinda was on her way back from the market with a few minor odds and ends when she stopped in at the Bittuvalai Inn again. She asked the same old questions, expecting nothing more than the same old answers.

She was sorely mistaken.

"You aren't a 'Gayelette' at all!" one of the men accused once he'd clapped eyes on her. "You're a Galinda!"

"That's Glinda, please!" she snapped — before she could stop herself. Covering her mouth with her hand, she hurriedly added, "And I don't know what you mean!"

"Knew it!" he said, nodding over his shoulders. "Ain't any girls 'round this pathetic town as lovely as her, she had to be from somewhere's else!"

Smiling in spite of herself, Glinda tittered, "Oh, you do go on, sir!" Then she noticed the patrons were closing her off from the door, attempting to corral her into the corner. "W-wait, you don't go on… I m-mean, you should let me go, please!"

A squat, middle-aged woman demanded, "Or what? You'll curse us?"

"Curse you? Please, how would I even know how to do such a thing?! I am but a poor student from Shiz University; I barely know how to put one wand in front of the other!"

"WITCH!" a mousy-looking man somehow managed to shout at the top of his lungs, bringing around the few other patrons who had been ignorant of the scene.

"Who, where?!" she squeaked innocently.

"You won't get away from here so easily, witch!" the woman went on as the dozens of pairs of eyes fixated on her, seeming to drill right through her body. An urge to poke them welled up within herself. "We'll turn you in, we will, and our names will be praised by His Wizliness!"

"Perhaps there'll be a reward!"

The moment the first man said that, there were many murmurs of assent. That did not tip things in her favour at all. Glinda's blue eyes swept up and down the scrubby wooden tables and chairs, to the well-polished bartop and the bartender crouched behind it. She could only hope he wasn't going for some sort of weapon he kept just in case of similar disturbances. Ordinarily, she would have been glad of the protection… but not when she wasn't the one being protected.

"Please, look at yourselves!" she urged as she pressed back against the wall, palms finding its surface as her cloth sack swung from her elbow. "I h-haven't cursed you for threatening me already, so how could I be a witch? Y-you're being silly, all of you!"

"Silly and rich, soon enough!" said the mousy man.

There was nothing else to be done; she had to think of some way to trick them out of attacking. Glinda reached into her bag and pulled out a beetroot. "Do you see this?!" she screeched, causing them all to hesitate. "One false move, and I'm warning you… I'll do to you what I did to him!"

A collective gasp went up. That was enough; she had thrown the shadow of doubt across their zealousness. Tossing the beet into the air, she dashed for the door, only barely glimpsing that several of them dove to catch what they presumed was a transmogrified person. One man had to be elbowed out of the way, but he was surprised enough that she could manage it and make good her escape.

How much longer will they stare at it, waiting to see if it speaks? she couldn't help thinking to herself as she dashed up the lane toward her Granny's house. The situation didn't merit such japes, but she felt she had to take the amusement where she could find it.

Once bursting through the door, she saw Granny perched on the sofa with a cup of tea in her hand, and Elphaba poring over the book. They both started, a few drops of tea falling to the rug from the cup.

"They're coming!"

Immediately, Elphaba shot to standing. "How many?"

"From the look of it, the entire village!" Glinda panted as she leaned against the door. "Oh… oh, we have to fly! I don't want us to still be here when they catch up, and ruin my Granny's lovely Quadling rugs trying to catch us!"

"What's all this about?" Granny asked in mild confusion, squinting as they began to head for the staircase. "Who's coming?!"

There wasn't time to explain to the poor old thing. The minute they reached the bedroom, they began to cram everything into the trunk as quickly as was possible; Grimmerie, new purchases, even one of the pillows from the bed wound up padding the inside. Of course, the flying spell was still in action upon the trunk, as a spell cannot be undone once it's been said, so they tied it to the back of the broom as efficiently as they could without muddling the process and prepared to leave.

"Really, this is a most unceremonical exit you're making!" Granny pouted as they began to approach the front door.

"I am sorry, Gran!" Glinda bade her, wringing the old woman's hands. "I've been trying to find a way to explain, but I… oh, it's really just so horribliffic, I don't want you to think any less of me! Of us!"

"We can't endanger your safety because of my mistake," Elphaba cut off further protests. "We'll just… well, I don't know where we'll go now that we've run out of relatives. But we'll figure something out."

Granny tutted her disapproval, but still patted Glinda's elbow. "You do as you must, dearie. Just take a few Quox nuts for the road!"

"Gran, you know I'm allerg-"

"We have to go now!" Elphaba hissed, gesturing to the windows. Indeed, there were mobs already gathering outside, stirred up by the ones from the tavern. They weren't knocking on the front door quite yet, but it wouldn't be long.

"Why does it feel like we're always rushing off somewhere?" Glinda sighed, embracing her grandmother. "We'll be back, though, you'll see!"

"Very well! Safe trip, don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

As they stepped outside, they did notice a few eyes turn in their direction, but they were already mounting the broom and readying to take off, not wasting a moment. By the time anyone had roused themselves enough to dash in their direction, it was too late; they were airborne.

However, the moment they were skimming past the upper-story windows of the homes, they began to feel sharp pains inflicted upon their legs and hips. Glinda glanced down and let out an exasperated squeak.

"What is it?" Elphaba asked through clenched teeth. "I'm concentrating on flying!"

"They're throwing rocks! Oh, of all the uncouthful, ridiculous- how can they be so rude?!" As they passed a particularly thick knot of Gillikin citizenry, she shouted down, "WHAT CHILDREN!"

"WITCH!" was all she heard in return, and had to flinch back to avoid a sound clouting of her nose with what seemed to be half a brick.

"Forget them," Elphaba snapped over her shoulder as they began to rise high enough that it would no longer be a problem. "They've made up their minds."

One last sound of a rock smacking against their trunk reached them before Pumperdink was behind them, the shouts fading in their wake. Alas, Elphaba was right about one thing: they were out of family members to beg for sanctuary. Where in Oz would they go now?

To Be Continued…

#The Coven of Oz #the wizard of oz #wicked fanfiction #the wicked years #wicked #forkanna writes #not elsanna related #forkanna the writer

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droewyn · 7 years ago

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Give Me a Reason (3/9)

March 2013

Celestino insisted on carrying the majority of Yuuri and Phichit’s luggage up the stairs to their apartment. “You’ve earned it, boys,” he told them. “I’m so proud of you both.”

Yuuri frowned. He didn’t want to directly contradict his coach, and it was always awkward feeling bad about his own performance when Phichit hadn’t even made it past the short program, but fifteenth place was not what he’d worked so hard for all season.

Celestino was having none of it. “Did you skate your best?” he demanded. Yuuri muttered a grudging affirmative.

“What was that, Yuuri? I didn’t quite catch what you said.” Yuuri had hoped that Phichit would be fully engrossed with his hamsters by now, having made a beeline for their habitat the instant the door was unlocked. Apparently the universe wasn’t about to let him get that lucky.

He sighed heavily. “Yeah. I skated my best.” Maybe if he played along, they’d drop the subject. There was nothing else to do if they were determined to gang up on him, anyway.

“And did you improve on last year’s performance?”

“Yes.” Last year it had been Yuuri who had missed being in the top twenty-five. Phichit hadn’t even qualified for Worlds in 2012, ending his own season after a disappointing 4CC.

Celestino beamed as though that made it all better. “And that is why I am proud of you, and why you should be proud of yourself. Keep training as hard as you have been, and next season you’ll be in the top ten for sure.”

“And in the meantime,” Phichit added, “It’s time to start the post-season off right with the ritual Eating of the Carbs. I’m thinking Pizza Papalis?”

Yuuri shot him a halfhearted glare. “Your Nationals are still coming up,” he pointed out, but there was little actual heat in his voice. It wasn’t Phichit’s fault that his ‘freshman fifteen’ had been the opposite of most students’, resulting in a good third of his class plying their ‘precious hamster son’ with varying foodstuffs to ‘keep his strength up’.

“I’ll be good after tonight!”

“You could at least blush when you lie through your teeth like that.” Yuuri rolled his eyes. “Fine. Spinach and mushroom, extra garlic, you’re paying, and you’re handling all of the human interaction.”

Celestino laughed. “I am not hearing any of this. Celebrate well, boys. Ciao ciao!” He let himself out amid Phichit’s whoop of joy and subsequent call to the pizza place.

Yuuri curled up on the couch and opened his laptop. For once he wasn’t jetlagged after a competition, this year’s championship having been held a bare two hours’ drive away, in Ontario. He was still tired – a week’s worth of too little sleep while dealing with far too many strangers was stressful enough even without the pressure of competition – but he wasn’t sleepy. It was an odd, but not unwelcome, feeling.

*Bad channel key for #therapycouchfort

He blinked. He’d opened the chat client on autopilot, not really intending to socialize even to the extent of text on a screen, but this was an error message he’d never seen before.

/msg SockPuppet what’s a channel key and why is it bad?

*SockPuppet: no such nick/channel

/msg KingElsa hey do you know what’s going on with the chat

KingElsa>> Mess! <3 <3 <3

KingElsa>> They had to password-lock the channel. I guess there was an invasion of trolls?

KingElsa>> Password is “nuclearoption” with no quotes.

/join #therapycouchfort nuclearoption

* Joined channel #therapycouchfort

* Topic is ‘If you haven’t gotten the new channel password from one of the mods, msg us asap. Lockdown goes into effect Thursday night. Thanks for your patience in the meantime.’

* Set by StevenMultiverse on Mar 12 12:04:17 2013

lukewarm_mess: i can’t leave you guys for five minutes, can i

lukewarm_mess: thanks for the pw king

KingElsa: ♡ ＼ ( ￣▽￣ ) ／ ♡

mercyslovechild: nope u go away and evrything goes to shit

suicideflirtsback: wait does that mean mess is the reason we can’t have nice things?

mercyslovechild: pls dont abandon us again

StandardDeviation: you wish flirt

StandardDeviation: wb mess how was the business conf

lukewarm_mess: very business much industry so productivity wow

suicideflirtsback: have you leveled up your synergy or whatever?

lukewarm_mess: my boss seems to think so but..

KingElsa: Your boss is obviously full of wisdom and good judgment and you should listen to them.

lukewarm_mess: my boss let Peaches eat himself sick on maple candy that we can totally get at home but apparently it’s different because it’s travel candy, whatever that means

mercyslovechild: i thouht peaches was a babby

mercyslovechild: babbies get to travel for work?

lukewarm_mess: he’s an intern so i guess? idk

“I’m a what?” Phichit shrieked from directly behind Yuuri, who winced at the sound.

“Quit reading over my shoulder; that’s why I made you get your own account. Oh, there’s a password to get in now. Nuclear option, one word, all lower case.”

“Thailand’s Prince, the Jewel of Bangkok, an intern? Yuuri, how could you?” He flopped dramatically over the back of the couch.

“Shut up, I panicked.”

lukewarm_mess: anyway why the lockdown?

lukewarm_mess: king you said something about trolls?

*Peaches_and_Dream has joined #therapycouchfort

KingElsa: I wasn’t here either, actually, but that’s what I heard. Hi Mess’ roommate.

suicideflirtsback: we were invaded by scientologists

Peaches_and_Dream: Hello mess’ self-friendzoning internet boyfriend

mercyslovechild: woa sickburn.gif

StandardDeviation: or at least people claiming to be scientologists

lukewarm_mess: PEACH

KingElsa: GASP

StandardDeviation: like two dozen of them flooding the channel at once

Peaches_and_Dream: I notice you’re not denying it ☆⌒ ヽ (*' ､ ^*)chu

“Shut it, Intern Boy.”

StandardDeviation: all telling us to stop taking our brainwashing pills and read dianetics

suicideflirtsback: p sure they were on vpns because even with the mods ip banning them they just kept coming back

“Still waiting for a denial, Yuu-chan! Other than the one you’re in, I mean.”

Peaches_and_Dream: Sounds more like bored channers to me

mercyslovechild: whatevs it was annoying

suicideflirtsback: you mean EPIC

suicideflirtsback: socks just about developed superpowers out of sheer rage

StandardDeviation: after two days the mods decided to make the channel private, and we’ve been lockedin our fallout shelter eating k-rations ever since

KingElsa: Wow, it seems it was an exciting week!

StevenMultiverse: It’s not a perfect solution because it means new people who might actually want to join the chat can’t, but there’s not much else we can do at the moment.

mercyslovechild: where where you king?

StevenMultiverse: In a month or two we’ll try and reopen the channel. Hopefully they’ll have gone away by then.

lukewarm_mess: works for me, glad you found a solution

KingElsa: I went to a family reunion.

suicideflirtsback: good times?

KingElsa: I suppose. It was… typical.

lukewarm_mess: how so

KingElsa: I don’t know. The same faces, the same stories, never any surprises. Lousy food at the big dinner party.

mercyslovechild: potluck >:P

KingElsa: Catered. But still not good.

suicideflirtsback: did you have to be nice to Racist Uncle Tony?

KingElsa: (° ロ °) ! How did you know?! I mean, he was neither a Tony nor my uncle, but….

suicideflirtsback: EVERYONE has a Racist Uncle Tony

*Deltatangofoxtrot has joined #therapycouchfort

KingElsa: “I’m just concerned about the way your *lifestyle*” – he actually made air quotes with his fingers! – “reflects on us…”

Peaches_and_Dream: Ugh, sorry King.

lukewarm_mess: (( ╬ ◣ ﹏ ◢ ))

mercyslovechild: homophobic uncle tony ><

suicideflirtsback: always the highlight of fam functions

suicideflirtsback: hey fox

StevenMultiverse: hi fox

Peaches_and_Dream: Hi Tango

KingElsa: Hello, DTF.

StandardDeviation: Did you just

StandardDeviation: *facepalms*

Deltatangofoxtrot: RDY ANYTIME BAE ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

mercyslovechild: passes out protection

Peaches_and_Dream: Why sir, I hardly know you! *flutters fan*

KingElsa: …

suicideflirtsback: *is ace*

StevenMultiverse: *is married*

KingElsa: …………

lukewarm_mess: at least take me out to dinner first

KingElsa: !

KingElsa: Et tu, Mess???

lukewarm_mess: you’ve been here how long and you still walked into that??

lukewarm_mess: sorry no sympathy, you deserved it

KingElsa: 。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。

KingElsa: I’m ESL?

lukewarm_mess: no excuse, so am i

lukewarm_mess: it has to be somewhere nice, too. i don’t put out for qdoba

StandardDeviation: Besides, that’s not english, it’s internet

StandardDeviation: *is helping*

KingElsa: Don’t help. >.>

Headlights flashed through the window as a car pulled into the parking lot. Yuuri glanced outside and saw the glowing pizza sign on the roof. His shoulders hunched involuntarily.

“Go hide,” Phichit told him. “I’ll bribe them to go away, that usually works.”

Yuuri smiled sheepishly before heading for their shared bedroom. “Sorry,” he called through the closing door. “It’s just—”

“—No more strangers for a while. I know. I’ll say our goodbyes in chat, too. It’s BFF bonding time.”

#yuri on ice #chat au #therapycouchfort #katsuki yuuri #victor nikiforov #victuuri #phichit chulanont #original content #i have committed fanfiction

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lifedefused · 5 years ago

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New Post has been published on Life Defused

New Post has been published on http://lifedefused.com/i-dont-think-about-you/

I Don't Think About You

After Sean’s suicide, I was emotionally wrecked. I hit the road with Roxy and my jeep to clear my head. To figure out life. It was liberating and healing.Then I met Matt. This guy standing in front of me had gone and lived overseas for 2 years after his divorce to sort through life. I was in awe. I felt inspired. But I ran. He invited me for waffles. No thanks, Taco Bell and a night in my car instead. Curious… There are people that travel like me to explore life, after all, what is the meaning?

I think of it like my cats. These jerks go hide when someone comes over. However, sometimes they come out and watch them. They want affection. They want to see who they are. They want to trust. They stay just far away not to be grabbed or touched. Rubbing on furniture meowing for attention. They want affection from these people. They want to test the water to see what these humans might do to them.

That was me to Matt. Yet Matt was the human that sat down and said I will just sit here with you, I don’t have to connect. I purr… I enjoy having this human’s attention. Eventually, I come closer and closer. He pulls out the toys and I start playing. I enjoy our time together. He sees me. He tells me if I can just exist with you, I promise not to hurt you. Anytime you get scared, I go. So I swat him when he gets closer. Sometimes I use my claws to see what he does. Interesting… He stays. I start to trust him. Let down the walls. Not, I will even flop over on my back for this human to touch my belly. The moment I do that, it all changes.

You see I trusted him. I allowed myself to be vulnerable. We get married and I follow his career to Japan giving up my apartment, my career, my pets. When I get there, I still run and hide when I get scared. I won’t let anyone else know I have trusted him and that I am married again. Yet, I realize that isn’t him, that’s my issues and baggage I carry. I want to be better so I do what I know to do to clear my head and my heart. I go to explore the world around me. It is what I do. It is who I was when he met me. I think travel is the best teacher to discover the world reveal the powers within.

Upon my return, something was off with Matt and I felt it at my core. At first, I thought it was me and my changes. Until I found the messages from her. This human that had spent over a year building up trust crushes me in an instant. 3 days of looking me in the eyes promising that nothing happened and I find out from another source that this person was in my space, my world, with my man, and in my home.

It was my fault according to him. For every outburst of anger, for hiding my marriage, for needing time to myself, I caused this. “How men cheat is by dealing with the reality that they’ve hurt another by denying it. You don’t have to deal with something that is not a reality to you.”

Do I stay or do I go? This was one of the hardest questions I have ever faced. He promises-if you stay I will do ANYTHING, anything at all that you need. How would I admit after 4 months of being married that I failed, again? Options: I can return to the US with no job, no car, no place to go, and no way can I ask for my pets back. If you ever would have told me before this happened that I would stay with a cheater. NO WAY. Anyone that knows me would probably think the same thing. But I did. I stayed.

I put my heart and soul into transforming myself. This girl was 20 and I was 29, to make sure it didn’t happen again, I needed to change my body. I got into running. I worked out 2-3 times a day. I juiced. I found healthy recipes to make. I found photos from that time labeled “before” dated shortly after the affair. I am sharing because at this time I hated my body and I blamed myself and I couldn’t stand how I look. The affair took away all of my self-esteem. I was a confident human before but after I felt like I wasn’t attractive, intelligent, or in any way interesting. Just looking at this picture brings up so much sadness as my body is beautiful. At the time, I wasn’t sure that I would ever be lovable again.

My request was that I have access to all of his accounts, that he go to therapy, and that he commits to building back that trust. I wanted him to sit on the floor again and just exist around me so I could warm-up to trusting again. Three appointments in, he quit therapy and told me I needed to go with him or he wasn’t going. My response was that this was his mistake to fix, not mine, especially 4 months into a marriage.

After he quit therapy, I begged him to quit his job and move back to the US and let me build my career why he sorts through it. I had so much anxiety. I kept pushing forward. I started a doctorate program and started teaching too. I isolated myself from friends/family. I hadn’t even told people we had gotten married, how would I explain my situation? I was humiliated and I was betraying myself. My connections to people are one of my greatest assets and something I work incredibly hard at. However, I hid. I cried alone. I told people I was fine and I pulled away rarely reaching out to anyone scared they might ask how I am doing.

Anger is an understatement. I raged on Matt physically lashing out and spewing venom in the form of words and digging my claws and teeth in. I was already an explosive wreck after the suicide but this situation took my anger to a whole new level. It shattered everything I thought I knew about myself. I became a human that I didn’t even recognize.

Of course, this triggered Matt to lash out and return the rage.

One point I almost left Matt. Instead, I got individual therapy to stop the rage and I got a handle on my explosive reactions. My thought for therapy was that if I stopped lashing out that he would step up. I could set an example of change. I stopped and returned to the relationship re-committing myself.

Matt didn’t stop the raging and blaming me though. He even made the choice without me to continue in his job even though I had expressed I was done putting my career on hold and I was ready to return to the US.

The next year, I made the decision to return. My thinking was that if I showed Matt a good life in the US maybe he would have reason to get help and make an effort to repair the damages done, take responsibility, and to stop blaming me.

It was time to take care of myself and put the focus back on me. I needed to take control of my life again. Taking part of the blame when I wasn’t to blame was disorienting. I found myself busy trying to find myself back to the person that I once was. It wasn’t my responsibility to carry anymore. Matt has the burden of the destruction that his cheating caused. The minute I pulled back to focus on myself, Matt started slipping in the opposite direction of what I had intended. He became depressed and withdrawn.

I continued to beg him to go to therapy for help. February I put out the ultimatum, get help or I am done for good. Early March I showed him the divorce paperwork to show how serious I was. Towards the end of March, I filed when I had reason to think he was having an affair again. So much for doing ANYTHING I needed to stay and make me feel safe again. The next day, he made an appointment for therapy. Too little too late.

I connect to music and this is what I put on repeat for anyone else that needs to hear this:

youtube

To prove to me he wasn’t cheating, he asked me to log in to his social media to see a conversation. In the short time that I was in there, a female student called him. I lost it. I took over all of Matt’s accounts. I reached out to his family and told them that I felt like he could use support since I would no longer be there. Matt told them not to reach out and that he was fine. His family lashed out of me. I outed all of his family secrets. I literally lost my sense to be rational. I even sent messages to his family like I was him. I spent most of April mourning the loss of my marriage and getting control of my emotions. COVID hit so I was forced to confront my feelings head-on and I started therapy again.

Of course, according to Matt, I am to blame. I quit on us and on him when he needed me the most. I can’t help but feel sad. I gave all of myself and wanted so much for it to work. Even though I filed a part of me held on to the thought that maybe he would return to just existing there while I bite and claw with the promise to never hurt me again. Showing up daily and just sitting there with me patiently doing what is needed to allow me to start trusting him again.

Since we have the house he has at least agreed to help financially contribute in the short term which that comes at a cost to me in the long term. I hadn’t talked to him in a few weeks and this past weekend Matt violated our separation agreement without communicating with me. We can’t even be separated without him disregarding something he signed in writing. Another broken commitment and promise. Sunday I cried more than I have cried in my entire life in a 24 hour period. Turning to music for support and just to relate.

And that is why I am writing this today. I know this doesn’t fit the norm of not airing out your dirty laundry. I have never been one that hides the bad. Social media tells us that we have to paint a picture of life is grand. However, I know every time I share I find people that can relate. So, yes I lost my cool, yes I am imperfect, yes I went bat shit crazy at times, I wasn’t perfect and I am not free of the responsibility for my part in the failure of my relationship.

What I can promise is I gave it my all and every bit of what I had.

After my music fest on Sunday, today my cousin posted something I desperately needed to hear.

So I am giving myself permission, out loud, to let go. To move on. To heal myself. I am acknowledging that I am ready to see beyond my pain today that I am holding onto and move into love, happiness that is clear of anger and the immense amount of guilt I have felt. Some of that guilt is in the fact I haven’t been honest and true to myself. I didn’t lean onto friends years ago when I needed them most and I believe people take the bad with the good or they don’t deserve you. I have been fighting my way back to myself and I am ready. What happened is my past and can’t be changed. As much as I wanted to control the outcome no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. I can control my actions and my emotions. I can reflect on what happened and make better decisions moving forward.

My heart is so full being back in Dallas with my people. Just today I had 4 people reach out to me asking for my time this week. They all have heard my stories of my mistakes and they still chose me. They sit with me and show me the love I need to show myself.

I know I’m Superwoman, I know I’m strong I know I’ve got this ’cause I’ve had it all along I’m phenomenal and I’m enough I don’t need you to tell me who to be

Can someone just hold me? Don’t fix me, don’t try to change a thing Can someone just know me? ‘Cause underneath, I’m broken and it’s beautiful

I’m broken and it’s beautiful

Today I chose forgiveness and to stop holding on to what could have been. Today I am leaning on my friends/family claiming out loud that I am working towards healing so that someday I can open my heart to receive love and trust again. For now, you can find me listening to this song over and over until I can wake up one day and every word is true.

youtube

When you’re lost in the moment You can’t see where you going I didn’t who I could trust So I put all my faith in us Oh, you tore me to pieces Turned my strength into weakness I didn’t want it all to fall apart So I decided just to play the part

But honestly, I do it all again Putting up with all the bullshit, he made me strong enough to do this

It used to bother me Thought I could never leave? After all that I’ve been through, nothin’ left to prove No, no, no, I don’t think about you Weighin’ down on me I lost my sanity And now that we are through Nothin’ left to lose No, no, no, I don’t think about you

I feel freedom where I stand now And I feel proud from who I am now Yeah, I learned a lot along the way I love the woman that I became

I was patient, but not anymore He’s back in my hands And you swore I’ll never do it But it’s your turn to face the music

It was hard to hold on Days and nights I thought I’d never make at all Couldn’t make it at all Now I stand tall Feeling like myself again, no worries at all Breathe No one can stop me from livin’ this moment for me I found my heartbeat After all that I’ve been through No, I don’t think about you

It used to bother me (it used to bother me) Thought I could never leave? (Thought I could never leave?) After all that I’ve been through (through) nothin’ left to prove (prove) No, no, no, I don’t think about you Weighin’ down on me (weighin’ down on me) I found my sanity (I found my sanity) And now that we are through (through) Nothin’ left to lose (lose) No, no, no, I don’t think about you

I don’t think about you (no) (No, no, no) no, no, no (Not anymore) not anymore No, no, no I don’t think about you

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thedivinefish · 5 years ago

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TGIWednesday and a download for becoming more intuitive

TGIWednesday News

Wow, mercury retrograde all month long, multiple planets in crazy orbits and full moons - not that we needed help boarding the cray kray train. Do your level best in the midst of storms and life storms to remain grounded and balanced. Do what makes you happy at least once a day Do that which feeds your body, mind and spirit. I go to water/aerobics aqua class almost every day. Yesterday I did that AND a yoga class. Who has time for that Jimmy? Uh you do! You MUST carve out time for you. You must take better care of yourself and as we age, self-care becomes more and more important. In the immortal words of Granny Ruth, “If you’re that tired take a nap.” Stay tuned and if things are extra crispy reach out [email protected] and schedule an appointment and let’s rock it out together. We've locked in Wednesday August 7th as the release date for the Fountain of Youth Audio MP3. We're going to have a special 48-hour PRE-SALE pricing for anyone who has purchased any digital MyBeliefWorks™ audios in the past all the way up til release week. In the Fall, we'll still look forward to Financial Windfall the 4th in a series of audio’s that will increase your luck/abundance and good fortune!

TGIWednesday Download

~ BECOMING MORE INTUITIVE ~ It is safe and comfortable to return to the realm of being more psychic. I believe, think, know and feel that I am intuitive and I always have been. I know when, where how and why to relax, tune in and listen to that small voice within me. I am ready, willing & able for spirit to guide me through all turmoil and to shine light on the easy, simple way. May this happen in all languages and throughout all timelines & so it is.

FREE Weekly LIVE Healings and Messages

Every Tuesday at 9pm EDT - JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW

Join me and my guests weekly on Tuesdays at 9pm ET/ 6pm PT Call in LIVE (713)-955-0594 It's your chance to get FREE intuitive messages on my weekly radio show. My guests are some of the best psychic readers & intuitive healers on the planet! Tune in every Tuesday night LIVE or just catch the replay & YOU will receive changes & healings just by listening!

To listen online, click the date links below. Listen here to the replay -Special Guest Ayla Murray NOTE: This is Jimmy's 150th Episode on Goldylocks Productions! Psychic, astrologer, and teacher of the two. https://www.themagickorchard.com Listen here July 30th – Rev Debbie Dienstbier Transmedium, communications with your loved ones in spirit. Profound messages from an experienced psychic medium and healer. Visit Facebook page UPCOMING GUESTS AUGUST: August 6th – Psychic Joanne Leo Astrology, numerology, angel cards and readings from the heart! https://psychicjoanneleo.com August 13th – Dr. Rev. Kimberly Marooney Inventor/Originator of Angel Cards, Intuitive reader and healer http://kimberlymarooney.com/angel-expert-kimberly-marooney August 20th – Grace Om Intuitive, healer and alchemist https://www.facebook.com/alchemywithGrace/ August 27th -Rev Debbie Dienstbier Transmedium, communications with your loved ones in spirit. Profound messages from an experienced psychic medium and healer. Visit Facebook page

Check out TheJimmyMackHealingShow.com for a full listing & all replays!

From the Fish Box

"I've listened to the new audio (and others) almost nightly since I got it, listening overnight through my sleep-phones. I know you mention that it might just take one listen, but I knew for me and all my many heavy "layers," it was going to take more than a night or two. Well, a couple of weeks ago, some networking that I did just over a year ago paid off when the sister of a woman I'd "talked shop" with contacted me for work. I was happy as could be to have that 40% increase in pay, let me tell you. But it gets better. Within just a week of that new account, the mother of the 2 ladies, also in the same profession, lost one of her accounts. I knew the right thing to do was give up my new account to the mom--family comes first and all--but the FANTASTIC news is that, within an hour after doing that, I was then given a lead by the same woman for an account that pays, are you ready? 88% more than I make now! Now, I had been making peanuts for 4 years, so this is just huge for me! I contacted the lead and they hired me for the contract the next day, not even calling me for an interview! AND, the account completely checks all the boxes that I put out there to the Universe when I'd imagined what my dream job would be and really felt into it. So . . . needless to say, I'm getting that next money audio when you release it next month as well as the one for "youthfulness." I'm pretty youthful in general, but now at almost 58, I'll take any boosts I can get :)" - T. / Boulder, CO

Live In-Person Appearances

EVERY FRIDAY at KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA

Tampa folks come see me on FRIDAYs - I'm scheduling 15 and 30 minute appointments at Kodawari Yoga Studios from 10am-2pm. Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017 and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 33$ or 30 minutes 65$. 3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/ Book on Friday July 26th August 2nd August 9th August 16th August 23rd August 30th

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime!

"Jimmy's My Liquid Fish Change Made Simple program is AMAZING!!! He gives you not only videos so you can see the changes within people, but also the books he's written as well! On top of that he's provided all the links and visuals you need so ANY type of learner can do it!! I appreciated having it to download in a PDF so I can go back to it any time, plus the books and ACTUAL healing sessions so you see, know and understand the whole process even better!!Highly recommend to ANYONE looking to change and make not only their life... but everyone's around them better as well!!" - E.J. / Florida

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes The Tackle Box & Spiritual Healing Techniques ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results! Level II offers Practitioner Certification for those who qualify.

LEARN MORE HERE

Receive 24/7 Daily Prayers From Jimmy

I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES, UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day. You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family. Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf. Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails of thanks each and every week!

Choose 7 days @$33 Choose 14 days @$66 Choose 30 days @$99

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations

JULY 24th - "Today I will step out into the unusual. I will shift my thoughts away from my need onto those less fortunate than myself. I will give of myself unselfishly. I will donate all that is to those who have less than me. I will expect the impossible and rejoice in miracles."

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library. Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better.

Abundance Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives The Gold Coin Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition IRS & Tax Time Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Sex Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss

TGIFunny

Forward

Jimmy Mack 727.678.0557 EST | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session Transformational Healing of Body, Mind & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations! Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit (*Updated May 2019) Audio MP3 Downloads and books to improve your life! Get Certified in My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for Supplements http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2019 All Rights Reserved

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