#sometimes you gotta kill your husband | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

eideticmemory · 7 months ago

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BABY DADDY | MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER

A one night stand leads to much, much more than either of you bargained for.

Word Count: 8.3k

Warning/Includes: BabyDaddy!Matthew, duh!!! Smut Lite™️.

So, the thing about babies is that they don’t really give a fuck about context. They truly couldn’t care less about what you’re doing, what’s happening in your life, your goals, your dreams, your ambitions. It’s all irrelevant. They will show up anyway. And what the little clump of cells in your uterus has failed to realize is that you do not know their father. At all.

Seriously.

You know him biblically. Obviously. You’ve shared drinks and a bed. You’ve seen him naked. He’s seen you naked. You’ve spent, maybe, an hour and a half together total. And you spent the majority of that time making the conscious decision to leave together, undress and fuck. You’re pretty sure the last thing you said to him was, “Safe travels.” As in, I don’t want to see you again. As in, If all goes well, I should never have to see you again.

You used a condom. You’re not dumb, you used a condom. So when weeks passed by and your period was late, you didn’t think anything of it. It happens. Sometimes periods are just late.

But it never came.

You bought the pregnancy test just to be safe. In fact, you were so sure that you were playing it safe that you didn’t take it for another three days. Pushing it back and back, hoping your period would come.

It didn’t.

So you squatted over the toilet and got a good amount of pee on the thing and waited two minutes just for it to stare you directly in the eye and say: FUCK YOU, DUMB BITCH. YOU’RE PREGNANT.

Okay, it just said pregnant. But that’s what went through your head. Your knees buckled and you grabbed your stomach, almost like you could feel the thing just hanging out in there. You doubled over, thinking you were going to puke, but you didn’t. You eye the test again and then, out of pure nerves, you puke.

You buy two more tests. They call you a dumb bitch again, just a little louder. You want a bottle of wine but you don’t have one because you’re pregnant. You want a lighter and a goddamn cigarette but you don’t have one because you don’t even smoke and you’re pregnant.

You sit down for lunch with your friend and it’s the first time you say these words out loud.

She yells, “You’re what?”

Pregnant!

You give her this look that says please don’t make me say it again and she doesn’t. She heard you very well the first time.

“W-wh-what…” she trembles. Shaking, like she’s the one knocked up. “What? H-how…what? who’s the daddy?”

You sigh, cut your eyes up at her, and her jaw drops, stuttering, “O-oh…no…no…[y/n]…no.”

“It’s gotta be him. He’s the last guy I had sex with. I had gotten my period before then. Now, no period, three positive pregnancy tests.”

“Three?” she shouts. “Oh, so you’re pregnant pregnant?”

“Yeah, I took three just to be sure and they all told me to go kill myself. So.”

“Oh my god…” she shudders. “Oh my god? Oh my…” and she chugs her glass of wine in one big gulp. It looks good.

“What are you going to do?” she asks you.

You shrug, your mind made up, “I’m keeping it.”

“What?”

“Okay, you need to quiet down now before we get kicked out of here.”

“What do you mean keeping it? As in, giving birth? As in, raising a child?”

“Yeah, exactly that.”

“O…kay…and the baby daddy?”

You shrug, “What about him?”

“I-“ she slams her hands down. “[y/n].”

“What?”

“You’re not gonna tell him?”

“Why would I? I have a house and a job and insurance and a 401K, I can take care of my kid.”

“Well, yeah…but it’s…his kid, too? Why-why are you keeping it if you’re not gonna tell him?”

“Because I want a baby. I don’t know. I-I thought about…getting it sucked out of there, but I don’t wanna. I want a baby. I want a kid. And yeah, this…isn’t the conventional way of doing that, but I never much saw myself with a husband anyway.”

“So…what’s the plan? Matthew’s just walking down the street one day and a little carbon copy of him comes out of the shadows saying ooh, aah, look at me! I’m the love child you unintentionally abandoned 10 years ago! That’s fucked.”

“What if he doesn’t care? What if he wants to abandon the kid? What if we’re on the same page?”

“Then at least give him the option.”

“Ugh.”

“[y/n], just give him the option. What? You can gargle his cock in your mouth but you can’t have a conversation? You need to tell him.”

“Okay…” you roll your eyes.

“And whatever the outcome, he stills owes you money. He stills owes some type of financial support, whether you want it or not.”

“I don’t want it.”

“Whatever. Look, I work with him when he’s in town, okay? I see him, I have to interact with him, I can’t hold on to this and I can’t be the one to tell him. [y/n]…please…”

“Okay!”

“Okay?”

You huff, “Okay. Fine.”

“Okay. You have his number?”

“No.”

“Classy,” she quips as she scrolls through her phone and you roll your eyes, “Okay, I’m airdropping it to you now.”

His contact comes through to your phone and you only stare at it long enough to accept and then you plant the device face down on the table. You suck back an anxious gulp of water and fidget with your hands, “This is your fault, you know?”

“What? How?”

“You’re the one that introduced us. At that launch party or whatever. What was that even about?”

“It was the launch party for a new production company and fuck you, you whore. I didn’t force you to go and get yourself knocked up. That was all you, Matthew and those free shots.”

“Oh, please, you practically threw us together.”

“Yeah, well, sue me, I thought you guys would hit it off,” she shrugs. “Not quite this much, but…”

The two of you sit in silence, looking around the restaurant, picking at your food.

“So,” she pips.

Your eyes flicker up at her.

“How was it?” she smirks. “Worth a baby?”

You let a long sigh, shaking your head with a very violent roll of your eyes, “Honestly…yeah…”

So far, pregnancy doesn’t suck. You’re still early, still not showing. There’s been no nausea or bloating. The insomnia, however, is getting ridiculous. You’re normally the type of girl to crash in bed as soon as possible, knocked out the moment your head hits the pillow. It is now midnight and your eyes are wide open, unable to relax. You check everything possible off of your to-do list, even scheduling your first obstetrician appointment. The only thing you haven’t done is call Matthew, having had his number sitting in your phone for close to a week now. To make it worse, all you want is a cinnamon roll. But not just any cinnamon roll. One from the late night bakery down the street. This is especially dangerous because you know very well that they are still open and somewhere out there is a cinnamon roll with your name on it. It would be nuts to leave the warmth of your bed right now, walk a mile in the dead of night, just for a cinnamon roll.

But you’re going to.

You bundle up and head out into the summer night, looking completely insane. Hoodie, sweats, tattered sneakers built for walking down the New York City sidewalks. It’s not far and you walk fast, faster than normal tonight because the craving is just that strong. You make it in all of ten minutes and within five more, you have the box cracked open and are tearing a piece off with your bare hands.

You look up for merely a second and your eyes catch him immediately. Now, you’re tired. Your blood sugar’s just shot up but you’re pretty sure it’s him. Posing for a picture with a fan. Tall. Beautiful. Smiling. His eyes land on you and he excuses himself, throws up a wave. You jump, looking around, contemplating running. But, yeah. That wouldn’t be suspicious at all. By the time you stop fidgeting, he’s standing over you and you’re trapped.

“Hi!” he greets you. “Hi, [y/n], how are you?”

You wipe frosting from your mouth and chuckle, more caught off guard by his remembering your name than anything. You cough, “Hi. Matthew, hi. I’m good. I’m doing good. How are you?”

“Good! Just heading home.”

“Oh! Oh, you have a place in New York?”

“Yeah, near the park, just a few blocks over. You live around here?”

“Uh…” you did not know this so you’re forcing your brain to catch up. “Uh, yeah, yeah. About a block over, just… couldn’t sleep. Wanted a cinnamon roll.”

“Looks good,” he giggles. “You look good.”

“Oh, you’re full of shit,” you smile.

“No! No, I mean it. You look great. I love the cinnamon roll run outfit. Honestly.”

You blush, you don’t mean to, but you blush. “Well, thank you. You look good, too.” He does. You can tell he’s just leaving somewhere because he’s dressed up and you suddenly remember very vividly how you ended up pregnant.

“Aw, thank you. I appreciate that…” his eyes scan over you. “Where did you say you live? Can I walk you home? It’s late.”

You want to shout No! Thank you! and run. It wouldn’t be hard to do. Why not? Still, you say, “Yes. Yeah, I’d like that.”

And so the two of you stroll down the empty sidewalks together, he does most of the talking. You can hear it in his voice that he’s flirting. You’ve heard it before. It has been successful, with you, before. Yet, you’re too busy this time around trying not to puke. He walks you to your door and you notice your cinnamon roll has gone cold in your hand.

“This is me,” you tell him. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” he smiles. “We should get together again, if you’re up for it.”

You nod, “Mhm. Yeah. That sounds nice. Um, I’ll give you my number.” He instantly pulls his phone from his pocket and hands it over. He’s serious. You type your name and number in and hand it back, chewing on your bottom lip.

“Perfect,” his fingers linger on yours as he takes his phone back. “I’ll call you. Hey, could I use your bathroom? I pee fast so I won’t inconvenience you too long.”

No!

You snicker, “Yeah…” you start to unlock the door. “Of course. Sorry in advance, it’s a little messy.”

“Oh, a little mess doesn’t scare me,” he laughs.

You let him in and point out the bathroom and as soon as he disappears, closes the door behind him, you release the breath that’s been trapped in your chest and plop down on the couch. “Fuck,” you mutter to yourself. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

The toilet flushes and then there’s a loud bang from the bathroom and you snap back to reality. “Matthew?” you call. “You alright in there?”

“Yeah, sorry,” he calls in response. “Just kicked over your trash can. Sorry!”

“That’s okay!” you reply. You relax.

It is definitely not okay.

You hop up and sprint to the bathroom door. You don’t even knock, you just burst into the bathroom where Matthew is picking up the spilled trash. Your eyes instantly land on the pregnancy tests and you can’t do anything but stand in wait.

When he notices them, he laughs. Not a cackle, but a soft giggle, almost silly, “You pregnant or something?” he asks. It’s a joke. He’s making a joke.

He looks at your face. It’s not a joke.

He stops laughing. He stops smiling. You’ve never seen someone’s entire being go so pale.

“Oh, you’re…” he stutters. “You’re…” he breathes. “Is it mine?”

You can hardly look him in the eye but you do and you nod.

“How long have you known?”

You gulp, “Like…a week. I haven’t been to the doctor or anything.”

“Are you…” you can see his chest heaving. “Are you serious?”

You nod, “Yes.”

He looks around the bathroom, wobbling on his heels and you worry he’s going to pass out. Instead, he slams the toilet seat down and sits on it, falls on it. “What…what are you going to do?”

“I’m…” you clear your throat. “Keeping it.”

“Oh.” he says. “You don’t...you’re not…”

“No. I don’t want that.”

And this is where his words became jumbled. Mumbled. Barely incoherent. He, himself, cannot even figure out what he’s trying to say.

“Look,” you interrupt him. “You don’t have to be involved, okay? You don’t even need to be on the birth certificate. I can handle this. I will handle this. If you wanna drop me a couple hundreds bucks every month and call it a day, that’s fine. If you don’t? Also fine. But I need to know because we’re…not…confusing this kid, okay? So, you need to be all in or all out.”

“Are you...” he cuts his eyes up at you and then promptly rises to his feet. “I can’t do this right now.”

You’re so dumbfounded as he rushes past you that your brain doesn’t even fully process it until he’s almost out the door. “Where are you going?”

“I have to clear my head. I-I have to get out of here.”

“Uh, okay...” he closes the door in your face. “Bye…”

And in the wake of all this exciting, suddenly surrounded by silence and cut tension, you remember your cinnamon roll. You want it after all.

When your friend asks if you’ve told Matthew, you say, “Yes.”

“Oh, shit. You called him?”

“No.” And you have to explain. You have to explain every awkward, uncomfortable, terrible second.

“And I haven’t heard from him since,” you shrug.

“Really?”

You nod.

She sighs, “Wow…fuck him.”

“Fuck him.”

And you meant that. You’re content with that. You feel like you can move on. Prepare, nest, move forward. Then he calls you. Out of nowhere. His name pops up on your phone and silences the music that had been playing while you took a bath. You stare at the screen for a long time, wondering if it’s best to protect your peace. It is. But still, you answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, [y/n]?” he clears his throat. “It’s Matthew.”

“Matthew,” you sigh. “Hi.”

“Hey, um, when is your first doctor’s appointment? Has that passed already?”

“Um…” you furrow your eyebrows, genuinely confused. “No. It’s on the twenty-sixth. At Aster on the upper west side. Eleven o’clock.”

Silence.

Then, he says, “Okay…okay, I’ll be there.”

You shrug, “Okay.”

“Okay.”

You arrive at 10:45. You do not expect him to show up, like truly expect him to show up. So when he comes walking into the waiting room, your heart genuinely stops. You cross and uncross your legs, shuffling in your seat.

“Hi,” you whisper, with very minimal eye contact.

“Hi.”

The nurse calls your name and Matthew follows you into the examination room, taking a seat beside you. The technician asks you a series of questions about your last period, your symptoms, your health history and Matthew hears none of it.

“And are you dad?” she asks him.

He feels like he’s going to throw up. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess.”

You roll your eyes and luckily, this kind woman cuts the tension pretty quickly. She slathers this cold gel on your belly and presses the wand to your skin and the heartbeat picks up immediately.

“Oh, wow, strong heartbeat already!” she grins at you. But you can’t take your eyes off the monitor. Matthew either. “You’re right around ten weeks so there’s the little head and you can see their arms and legs starting to form here.”

You can. You can really see it. There’s a baby in there. Barely. But a baby! You look at Matthew and his look of pure terror mirrors yours. It’s kind of comforting.

The nurse wipes you off and says, “So your estimated due date is March 10th, but again, that’s just an estimate so take it with a grain of salt because babies tend to follow their own schedule. You’re looking at anywhere from two to three days before or after.”

“Holy shit,” Matthew swears. “That’s the day after my birthday.”

“Is it really?” you tilt your head and at this, the nurse is dumbfounded. At this, Matthew is completely silenced.

You ask for two separate copies of the ultrasound and the technician has gotten over the shock. She’s not going to question it anymore, not going to give it any thought. Let you two sort it out.

As you stand outside afterwards, twiddling your thumbs, unsure of what to say or what to do, he asks, “Are you hungry? Can I take you to lunch?”

You cross your arms, wanting to say no. Wanting to lie. Instead you sigh, “Yes,” you nod. “Yes, please. I’m fucking starving.”

So he takes you to a cafe down the street where you order possibly the biggest burger even seen and fries and a cup of veggies and a piece of cake. It’s awkward, silent, and he just watches you eat. Almost like he can’t wrapped his head around it. You come up for air and catch his gaze.

“Hey,” you swallow. “Don’t look at me crazy. You’ve never had something in your body competing for resources.”

He chuckles, “No judgement. Eat what you want.”

“That was my plan.”

He picks at his food for a few moments and then sighs, “So…how…how are we gonna do this?”

You would ask for more context but you don’t need it. You know exactly what he means. You shrug, “I don’t know…” you shrug again. “I don’t know, just…do the best we can, I guess?”

He nods, “Yeah. Yeah, that always seems to work for everyone else.”

September | 14 Weeks

The deal is that Matthew will come in every four weeks for your appointments. This is what he agrees to, but you’re not convinced it will happen. But your next appointment rolls around and you’re shocked to walk in and find he’s beat you there. This time, he sees you and he smiles. His eyes scan over your figure as you take a seat, he goes, “Oh, you’re…you’re kinda starting to…”

You glance down at your tiny baby bump and you have this weird urge all the time to touch it so you do. “Oh. Yeah. I finally had to start telling people at work. They made me a registry.”

“Oh, that’s nice. What…what do you need me to get? What does a baby need?”

“God, dude, too much shit, I swear. Plus, I don’t even know what I want to dress her in. There’s like a million different brands and they all look the same or are made from spider silk or something stupid. I don’t know.”

He tilts his head at you, “Her? You think it’s a girl?”

You shrug, “I don’t know. I don’t think we can find out just yet anyway but, maybe?”

This little grin appears on his face and he almost reaches in to your bump, but he doesn’t. He shuffles in his seat, clears his throat, “A girl would be nice.”

You smile, “I think so, too.”

You both get your updated ultrasounds to go and the technician is greatful to not feel so suffocated this time. The energy around the two of you has shifted. Not much. You’re still strangers and it shows. But it’s different. You smile, you joke around, Matthew speaks up, asks questions.

It’s different.

At the end of the appointment, he asks you, “Hey, are you busy tonight?”

“Oh…” you’re caught off guard. “No. Why?”

“I was wondering if you might want to come over? For dinner maybe?”

“Oh.”

“Nothing…weird. I just…want you to know where I live and…I don’t know, I thought we could just talk.”

“Um. Okay. Okay. Send me your address.”

“Okay. I will.”

And so because you reluctantly agreed, you show up at his doorstep at six o’clock sharp. You’re not dressed up or anything, but it’s starting to get cold and you just threw on this big puffy jacket.

He opens the door and greets you with a bright smile, saying, “Hey, you. Come in.”

“Thanks,” you meekly walk in and instantly look around his place and oh, it’s fucking gorgeous. Comforting. Because you can’t have a baby with someone who lacks interior design skills.

“Are you still craving chinese? I got us a fuck ton.”

“Oh, my god,” you sigh in relief, smelling the food, instantly plopping down at the kitchen table. “Oh, my god, yes, thank you.”

“Of course,” he smiles.

You look around and notice the ultrasounds on his fridge, staring at them as he sets up a plate for you.

He takes a seat beside you and takes a bite of his food, then asking, “So, where are you from?”

It catches you off guard so you laugh, “What?”

“Where are you from? What’s your family like? Where’d you go to school?”

“Um, okay…what…you interrogating me?”

He laughs, “No. No, sorry. I just…uh, I wanna get to know you better, that’s all. You can ask me anything you wanna know, too.”

“Hm,” you nod. “Okay.” And you spill your guts.

You wrap your life up in a nutshell and it becomes this rapid game of back and forth about whose parents did this and how many siblings do you have and who was your first crush. Who’s your best friend. Who’s the last person you dated. Tell me about all the people you’ve dated!

Your baby daddy is kind of a slut, but, honestly, who are you to judge?

He’s funny. As far as you can tell, he’s honest. He doesn’t have or want to hide anything from you. What’s the point?

“So, um,” he says. “Why don’t I make you a drink and give you a little tour? Oh, wait, you…”

“Can’t drink,” you nod. “Yeah. Thanks for reminding me.”

“Sorry,” he laughs. “I have sparkling cider.”

“Bleh.”

“Sparkling water?”

“Bleh.”

“I…orange juice?” he laughs but you’re dead serious.

“That sounds so fucking good right now.”

“Yeah?” he chuckles. “Okay, you got it.”

And so, with your cup of orange juice, you follow him around his home. You see his bedroom, his office, and in the corner of the house, an empty room where he proclaims, “This will be the little guy’s room. I’m not sure what I’m gonna do with it yet, but definitely something.”

It’s beautiful. Lots of natural light but he says he’s already started looking at blackout curtains. “And then in my room,” he adds as you walk by. “I’ll have one of those little beside bassinet things, y’know? Just until he gets a little bigger.”

You look up at him with this sober look. You stumble around until you find somewhere to put your glass down and he asks, “You alright?”

You turn back to him and almost immediately jump into his arms, mouth open, a whole growing human between the of you, but still you are close. But still, you are kissing.

“Woah…” he huffs. “W-what…what are you…”

“Sorry,” you breathe out. “It’s nothing personal. I’ve just got a lot of blood rushing to a lot of different places and w-what?” you stutter because he’s caressing your face. “Y’know, it’s not like you can get me pregnant. It’s more like a…a favor?”

His eyes scan over your face and he nods, scoops you up in his arms like it’s nothing. “Yeah, okay, that makes sense,” and he carries you into his bedroom.

October | 18 Weeks

The greeting this week is different. In the past few weeks, there’s been a lot more casual texting. A lot of Matthew asking: Hey, how are you feeling today? Do you need anything? Do you have groceries? You appreciate it.

He walks into the waiting room a few minutes after you and you actually stand to say hi.

“Hi, you!” he pips and he gives you a big hug. This time, he is not so shy and he takes a hold of your bump in both his hands, leaning down to say, “Hi, you! What are you doing in there? Woah!”

“Ah,” you groan. “Yeah, kicking the shit out of me. lately. Don’t get her riled up.”

But he pokes at your belly again and those legs come back swinging. He laughs, “Oh, my god, that’s so cool!”

“Yeah, not so much when it’s the middle of the night and it’s directly on your bladder.”

“Oof. Sorry, I should be stern,” he leans down. “Knock it off, kid.” And the kid kicks back.

“Oh! Jesus. Okay, that was…bad. Keep practicing.”

He cackles, “I will.”

In the exam room, the technician asks, “Do you wanna know the gender?” The smile on her face tells you that she already knows.

And as you shout an enthusiastic, “Yes!” Matthew is shaking his head, saying, “No.”

And then there’s silence.

“What…” you chuckle. “What do you mean no?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “I kinda just wanna be surprised.”

“Hm…” you furrow your eyebrows. You turn to the technician, “Well, I wanna know, will you put it in an envelope for me?”

This envelope is hand delivered to you at the end of your appointment and you hold it tight in your hands all the way out the door. You tear into it as soon as you step outside and Matthew shouts, “Wait!”

“What?”

“I don’t wanna know! Open it when you’re alone.”

“Okay…” you shrug, putting the envelope in your purse.

The two of you stand there, silent, avoiding eye contact.

“Fine, open it,” he says.

“What?” you laugh. “I thought you didn’t wanna know?”

“I don’t! I don’t. But-but you should know. Open it.”

You roll your eyes at him and take the envelope out of your bag, breaking the seal, flipping it open and showing absolutely no emotion. You rise and fall from the tip of your toes, biting down on your lip.

“Oh, c’mon!” he groans. “What is it? What is it? What is it? Just tell me.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“You positive?”

“[y/n]…” he whines.

You chuckle and turn the paper around to face him and his entire expression goes blank.

“A boy?” he whispers. Followed by, “Oh, my god, a boy!” Then, “A boy?” Finally, “A boy…”

You giggle and nod, “A boy.”

Halloween falls on a work day, after which you immediately come home to take a nap. You awake to find missed calls and texts from Matthew, the last of which reads: I’m coming over. You see this just before he rings your doorbell.

You answer and flinch, caught off guard by his costume. His makeup, the whole thing. “Oh…” you say. “You did say you were weird about Halloween.”

“Um, I don’t know if weird is the word I used but…here! For you,” he hands you a bag full of candy and you laugh, taking it from him.

“Thank you.”

“And…also, for you,” and he hands you a pumpkin.

“Oh! Thanks?”

“It’s the exact same weight as the baby. Weighed it myself.”

And your heart just kind of melts. “Aw…that’s so cute…” you hold the thing in your hands and look down at it. “Wow, what? No fucking way that’s in there.” you say in disbelief, holding the pumpkin level with your belly.

The two of you burst into laughter and Matthew sighs, happily exclaming, “Yeah, that’s him.”

November | 22 Weeks

Before your next appointment, Matthew calls you to ask if you’ll spend Thanksgiving with him in Vegas.

“Y’know, I told my family and-and they were…y’know shocked. But, they wanna meet you. I’m sure you already have plans but if you don’t…I’d really love it if you came with me.”

You sit in silence for a second. “I…I don’t have plans. I’ll go.”

“Really?”

“Oh, did you…want me to say no?”

“No,” he laughs. “No. I just thought you would. Um, well, okay, cool! Cool. I’ll book the flight.”

“Okay. Cool.”

Matthew meets you at your place the day before Thanksgiving, greeting you with a hug and a kiss on your belly. “Hey, you ready?”

“Yeah…” you grumble. “I’m all packed, just tired.”

“Want me to carry you?”

“Ha…ha…no, thanks.”

“I’m so dead serious. I’ve been lifting weights, gotta train to carry a baby around.”

“I’m telling you, this fucker is heavy.”

He laughs, “Yeah, he looks it already. Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Um…” you sigh. “Can you just carry my bags?”

“[y/n].” He looks you in the eye. “I was going to do that anyway.”

You get sick on the plane and the flight attendant gives you ice to chew and a cold rag for your forehead. Matthew is constantly rubbing your leg and fanning you with the safety booklet.

“Ugh, I’m so sorry. What can I do?” he asks.

“Will you be the pregnant one for a little bit?”

“Yes, if that’s what you need.”

His face is serious and you can’t help but laugh, “Fuck you.”

As you drive through the desert, you have to keep your eyes closed to feel peace. You only open them when the car slows down and you arrive at the house.

“Oh, by the way,” Matthew says as he shuts the car off. “My family thinks we’re together. Like dating.”

Your eyes goes wide and you shoot up in your seat, “What? What?” you yell.

“Look, look, I’m sorry! I didn’t know what else to say!”

“Uh, how about I got a little too drunk and horny on a Friday night and put a baby in someone? You don’t lie! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I…ugh! I’m sorry. I know, I know. I will tell them the truth, but not right now. [y/n], please.”

“No.”

“[y/n]…”

“No. Fuck you! How could you wait until we get here to tell me that bullshit? You’re insane!”

“Okay. Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry, let’s just, please go inside and I will fix it.”

“No.”

“What?”

“I don’t wanna go inside now. You pissed me off.”

“Oh, my…” he huffs. “[y/n], please.”

“No!” you cross your arms. “I’m staying in the car.”

Just then, his mom comes rushing out the house, waving to you both from the front door and you have to put on a smile very quickly.

“I will tell them,” he whispers.

“Oh, you fucking better,” you sneer, still smiling. “Or I will.”

You play along as you’re introduced to everyone. You tell them about yourself. You show them the most recent ultrasound, you pig out on all the food just laying around and somehow, along the way, you forget why you were mad.

Until you retire to bed and they have you and Matthew set up in one room. Then, you are pissed all, over, again.

You rush into the shower to avoid him and when you come back out, he’s laying in the bed.

“Hi,” he smiles nervously.

“Fuck you.”

“Okay.”

“Did you tell them?”

“No. I’m sorry. I will.”

“When?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Matthew.”

“[y/n]-“

“Matthew!”

“Okay. Okay. I’ll tell them now.”

“Yeah.”

Still, he lays there. “I…I pulled out your maternity pillow. All ready for you.”

“Get out the damn bed,” you grumble and he’s up before you lay down. And worse, he just stands there.

You roll over from your side, looking at him. He’s looking at you and his face pisses you off so you shout, “Matthew!”

“Okay!” and he leaves the room.

He comes back in after you’ve fallen asleep but still, half awake, you ask, “Did you tell them?” and you don’t even question it when he lays beside you, cradles you in his arms.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Good.”

And you fall asleep just like that.

Thanksgiving goes well, despite the recent news. You practically clear the table yourself because you’re eating for two and one of you is much greedier than the other. You meet Matthew’s dad, who spends the entire evening lulling you into security just to later pull the two of you into a separate room.

Here, the conversation gets legal. And while you were not expecting it, you’re grateful. You hadn’t thought of any of this. Custody, exchange schedules, schools, primary addresses, out-of-state trips. All of it.

His dad finally asks, “And what last name will the baby be taking?”

You say, “[y/l/n],” as Matthew says, “Oh, Gubler, for sure.” And the two of you just slowly turn to look at each other.

“Oh…” he dad says. “You two should probably discuss.”

That discussion lasts well into the night. Through the drive to the airport. Through the flight.

By the time you land, you’ve compromised. You’ll hyphenate.

December | 26 Weeks

Your next appointment is just over a week before Christmas. Matthew agrees then to spend Christmas Eve with you. Your family comes into New York just to keep you from flying yourself. When they arrive, your home is cluttered with boxes and pieces of the crib and a dismantled bassinet and bottles and boxes of diapers and wipes. Your baby shower was a huge success. You and baby boy want for nothing. But you’re big, you’re stressed, you’re aching and you can’t stop crying.

“Baby, let us put the nursery together for you,” you mom suggests.

“No. No, we’ll do it. It’s fine. I want to do it.”

“Okay. Speaking of, is your baby daddy gonna be here any time soon?”

“Yeah, he’s on the way.”

And as if on queue, Matthew walks in and everyone exclaims, “Hey! Baby daddy!”

Your sibling walks up to him immediately and says, “Love Criminal Minds, dude,” and you put your face in your hands.

Matthew gets everything stuffed into the nursery just for now so there’s more space for everyone to move around. He helps your mom with dinner and he doesn’t mind when they poke and prode into his life.

“So, baby daddy, what part of New York are you in?”

“So, baby daddy, is this your first kid?”

“So, baby daddy, do you think you might propose to [y/n] someday?”

“Baby daddy, what’s your net worth?”

And this is not an exaggeration. By the end of the night, he responds to baby daddy like it’s his actual government name and he confesses to you that it makes him uncomfortable.

Standing on your balcony, he wraps a blanket around you and rubs your shoulders, “Y’know, I understand the terminology, definitely. But…damn.”

You cackle, “Well..you are my baby daddy. We’re having a baby together, but were not together, but we have sex sometimes. It fits. Hey, I’m your baby mama!”

“Aw, well…” he sighs. “Thats sweet.” And he grins at you as you burst into laughter.

Your family leaves to stay at a hotel and Matthew stays to make sure you’re okay. You’re pretty fucking exhausted to be honest. So he tucks you into bed and runs his hand over your hair, “You need anything?”

“No. Just sleep.”

“Okay,” he touches your belly. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

When you wake up in the morning, your first thought is that you need to eat. You remember some sugar cookies that your mom had brought by last night and you decide to have them for breakfast. You walk to the kitchen and passing by the nursery, you almost don’t notice. Then, you stop in your tracks, tilt your head and walk backwards.

It’s done.

It’s done!

The crib is built, the dresser and changing table are assembled, the mobile’s up and running, the rocking chair is in the corner. Even the wall art you picked out is hanging up.

“Wh-what…” you stutter and then you march to the living room where Matthew is passed out on the couch. “Matthew!” you shout. Still, he doesn’t wake. So you rush over and shake him, going, “Matthew! Matthew!” and he jolts awake.

“What?” he takes hold of your hands. “What? Are you okay? Are you alright?”

“Yes. What…what the hell did you do?”

“What do you mean?” he rasps. “Oh…the nursery? Do you like it?”

“Do I…” you cut yourself off and run back to the nursery, where you wander around the room unable to focus your attention on just one thing.

Matthew follows behind you and watches you from the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. “Well?”

“It’s…” you gleam. “Exactly like my pinterest board.”

“Of course it’s exactly like your pinterest board, I’m not insane!” he laughs.

You feel this peace wash over you and you hug your baby bump as you breathe out a slow exhale. You turn to him with a smile and he thinks you’re running to give him a hug. So when you all but tackle him, take him a kiss, push him to the floor, tear off his clothes, it all happens so fast.

When it’s over, you have no bottoms on and your head is laying on his chest. “I’m sorry,” you whisper. “I should probably stop attacking you like that.”

He chuckles, “No. Don’t. I don’t mind.”

January | 30 Weeks

Your appointments are every two weeks now. This is the time you expected Matthew to miss at least one, but he never does. He’s always there. Even when he’s not with you, he’s always there.

When your insomnia is at its very worst, he facetimes you in the middle of the night.

“Hey,” he smiles at the screen. “I knew you’d be up.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Insomnia still kicking your ass?”

“Every night this past week.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry, honey,” he frowns. “But since you’re up, I thought we could talk baby names?”

“Oh,” you say. You had forgotten about that. “Oh…right…names.”

“I know, we kinda dropped the ball on that one,” he laughs. “Now, it’s kinda a Gubler tradition that all the boys have the middle name Gray. Y’know, alliteration and all.”

“Oh..that’s…” Boring, you think. “Unoriginal. Can we compromise?”

“Well, I’m already compromising with the hypenating so I don’t know.”

“Oh, good g-“ you roll your eyes. “Sir, you hyphenated like 7 months ago, let it go.” And he lets it go. You add, “I like the name Lincoln. Link.”

“Ooh, no. He used to bully me in school. What about Silas?”

“Yeah, cause he’s a vampire? Veto. I like Noah.”

“Cause he’s building an arc? Veto!”

“Ugh.”

“What about Simon? Y’know I voiced him in the movie.”

You roll your eyes, again. “Yes. We know. Veto.”

Silence falls over the call as you both rack your brains for another suggestion. And like a domino, it naturally falls into your mind, “Theodore?” you shrug.

Matthew smiles, “Teddy?”

“Aw!” you squeal. “Teddy Gray…” you say aloud and then a tear falls from your eye and then you’re full blown sobbing in front of the camera. “Teddy Gray, that’s it. That’s his name.”

And Matthew is freaked out because he’s never seen you cry before. Ever. Not at the doctor, not in the nursery, he’s never had the pleasure of meeting your hormones face to face quite like this. “Yeah…” he chokes out a sob. “That’s it,” he wipes his eyes. “Fuck, why am I crying?”

“Oh, why would you be, you fucking freak?” you shout and he thinks it’s the funniest thing you’ve ever said.

Suddenly, your doorbell rings and it silences you, scares you. “What the fuck?” you whisper. “Is that you?”

“Nope. I had something delivered.”

“What? Right now?”

“Just a little cinnamon roll and a milkshake, but I can tell them to leave if you don’t want it?”

“Oh, my god,” you rush out of bed and immediately waddle to the door, “You’re amazing. I wanna have your baby.”

February | 34 Weeks

Your customized pillows and blankets have come in the mail. They all say Teddy and his baby book says it too. It is perfect. It’s your son. At your last appointment, he weighed about 7 pounds and you certainly feel every ounce weighing you down.

But for Teddy, it’s worth it.

For now, you’re still going to work and taking an afternoon nap for survival. Matthew jokes all the time that you can quit your job whenever you’d like. That he can take care of you both, just say the word. That was never the deal, but you appreciate it.

When you arrive home on Valentine’s Day, you’re just getting settled when your doorbell rings. You look through the peep hole and the delivery man is holding the largest vase of roses you’ve ever seen.

“Hi,” he greets you. “[y/n] [y/l/n]?”

“Yes,” you nod and take the roses in your arms. “Thank you.”

He hands you a tiny bag and you carry everything inside, setting them down on the table.

“One more thing,” he tells you and when you turn around, it is a teeny, tiny vase of snipped roses. The vase is personalized with the name Teddy.

“Aw,” you want to cry but you can’t do it in front of this random man. So only when he leaves, you let the tears fall and you set Teddy’s vase near in the window in his room. You leave your flowers on the living room table and take a small jewelry box out of the bag. Inside, are the most gorgeous pair of ruby pendant earrings and you audibly gasp.

The card accompanying it all reads: Sorry I can’t be with you and Teddy today, but I’m thinking about you both. I’m always thinking about you.

Happy Valentine’s Day, baby mama!!

March | 37 Weeks

“Any day now, [y/n],” your doctor beams, rolling the wand around on your belly. “How are you feeling?”

“Good,” you nod. “Excited. Scared. I didn’t give it much thought about how I was gonna get him out of there.”

Her and Matthew laugh, Matthew holding your hand like it’s No Big Deal.

“You’re gonna do great. You’re right on track for your due date, but it’s possible you’ll start feeling some contractions in the next week or two. If you notice them coming really close together or your water breaks, I want you to put that birthing plan in motion, okay?”

“Okay,” you and Matthew say in unison. It would’ve annoyed you before. Now you just smile at him because you think it’s cute.

Matthew escorts you back home and he’s hoping you’ll settle in and maybe rest. You don’t. You end up in the nursery, walking around like maniac. There is absolutely nothing to do. Nothing to move. Nothing to fix. Still, your brain tells you there must be something.

“Honey, honey,” he calls, taking you by the hand and guiding you to the couch. “Come lay down, please. Everything is all set.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” he laughs. “You’re just nesting, I read about it online.”

“Oh, you and your baby google.”

“There really is so much out there!”

You roll your eyes, smiling as he covers you with a blanket. “You still going to Vegas this weekend? For your birthday?”

“Oh, no. No, I think I’m just gonna stay in New York.”

“What? Why? I thought your mom was planning a whole thing for you? You can’t miss it.”

“Well, I don’t wanna miss Teddy coming either. I don’t wanna leave you alone like that. The doctor said any day now.”

“Yeah, but, she also said it could be well over another week before I start contracting.”

He sighs, visibly anxious.

“Hey, look,” you pull him into your arms. “I appreciate you wanting to be here, I really do, but I want you to enjoy your birthday and I highly, highly doubt this kid is planning on escaping any time soon. Plus, my friend will be here if anything happens so, just, go, baby daddy, we’ll be fine.”

He sighs, “Fine. But you’ll call me if anything happens?”

“I will call you.”

“Immediately?”

“Immediately!”

“Okay.”

“Fine.”

March 9 | 37 Weeks and 6 Days

The eve of Matthew’s birthday, you get roughly four hours of sleep. You rise with the sun and sit in Teddy’s room, folding his clothes, piling them in his dresser.

You friend wanders in, having just woken up herself and she sighs, “What the hell are you doing, crazy lady?”

“Nothing.”

“This nursery looks like it’s straight out of Architectural Digest. There’s nothing else to do, why don’t you go lay down?”

“Why is everyone always wanting me to lay down?”

“Because you’re carrying a human maybe? Duh?”

“I’m fine. I feel fine. I need to check on the bottles and make sure I have the right sized nipples because I’m not sure…”

“[y/n], you have all the nipples in the world. The ones, the twos, the threes, the ones on your tits. It’s fine!”

“I’m just checking!” And as you step towards the kitchen, you suddenly stop in your tracks, grab onto your crotch in shock.

“[y/n]?” you friend rushes to your side. “What’s wrong?”

“I-I…I, um, I think I just pissed myself?”

“Wh-what? Pissed yourself or did your water break?”

You look up at her in fear, “Oh my god.”

“I’ll get the hospital bag.”

“Oh my god.”

“Get some pants and shoes on, dude!”

“Oh my god,” you repeat. “I-I have to call Matthew.”

So you do. You do. Just in the knick of fucking time, your name pops up on his phone and he quickly grabs his luggage and sprints off the plane that was doomed to take off any second.

When he arrives at the hospital, he bursts into the room at full speed, thinking he’s already missed everything. Thinking it’s over. He finds you bouncing on a birthing ball and you grin at him.

“Hi, baby daddy!” you huff. “Happy birthday!”

“Hi! Hi…” he walks up to you, takes your hands in his although you do not stop bouncing. He kisses the top of your head, “Are you okay? How far along are you?”

“Three centimeters,” you pant. “And I am not getting off of this ball until it’s 10!”

“Okay, well, you have to take a break at some point. Do you need some water?”

“Nope! Just need to bounce.”

You last, maybe, five more minutes and then you need to lay down. Except you can’t. Because your contractions are ridiculous and you can never get comfortable and you end up on all fours in the bed, crying and groaning.

And three hours later, you are only 5 centimeters dilated.

Matthew lays in the bed beside you, patting your face with a rag, feeling absolutely useless. “What can I do, [y/n]? Tell me what to do.”

You cry and squeeze his hand until this contraction passes. You pant, “Y-y’know…I’ve heard sometimes…when a baby won’t come out…p-people….sometimes…”

“What? What do they do?”

“They…y’know…”

He is still confused.

“Like!” you shout in frustration. “Like, what gets the baby in also gets the baby out!”

It clicks, “Oh!” he exclaims. “Oh. Will that…will that hurt him?”

“I don’t think so,” you shake your head. “But he’ll sure as shit get the message.”

And so, two fingers, ten minutes and six big pushes later, Theodore Gray [y/l/n]-Gubler is born. He weighs eight pounds, five ounces but he feels so heavy in your arms.

Finally in your arms.

Matthew, like a big baby himself, can’t stop crying. Can’t stop looking at him. Can’t stop kissing your face, “Look at him! He’s beautiful! You did it! Oh, my god, [y/n]! Look what you did!”

Teddy is truly the best birthday gift Matthew has ever gotten.

Two days later, you’re discharged from the hospital. Matthew arranged for a car to drive you home and he installs the car seat himself. He pushes you out in a wheelchair, despite your frequent protests, and gets Teddy buckled in. He then helps you and into the car before sliding in on the opposite side of the car seat.

You cover Teddy with his blanket and touch your fingertips to his face. He’s fast asleep, but this little grin forms on his face and the two of you chuckle.

“Hey,” you coo to him. “Hey, mister man, what are you doing? Huh? You…really don’t look a thing like me.”

Matthew cackles, “Yeah. Yeah, that seems to be the general consensus.”

He follows behind you with the car seat as you unlock your front door and lead them inside.

“Should we…I mean, do we just let him sleep?” he asks you.

“Until he’s hungry, yeah,” you nod, taking Teddy from his carrier. “Oh, hi…” you whisper to him. “Hi, mister man, you wanna lay in your bed? Hm?”

You place him in his crib and he doesn’t make a sound. Doesn’t make a move. Matthew plops down on the floor, legs crisscrossed and you sit right beside him.

“He’s so fucking cool,” he tells you.

You giggle, “The coolest.”

The two of you could stare at him all day. You will.

“Is it still okay if spend the night?” he asks.

You look up at him with a smile, “Yes, we’d like that very much,” and you put your head on his shoulder.

His kisses your forehead softly, saying, “Cool.”

#mine #babydaddy!matthew #matthew gray gubler smut #matthew gray gubler fluff

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11queensupreme11 · 12 days ago

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okay okay guys i made more personalities for some of the other kids so i'm gonna write them down here!!!!

metrodora! (2nd eldest perpollo baby, and her name means "Gift of the Mother of Liberty")

not an incest freak or a yan!

(i think you guys might like her lol)

she's a goddess of justice, liberty and freedom, and retribution and i chose these specifically because it's PAINFULLY ironic for her to be the goddess of all of these.... and be the daughter of PERCY, who we all know has been stripped of all of this 💀

cuz just... imagine it. the goddess of justice and your mother's been wronged by so many, one of them being your own father. the goddess of liberty and freedom, but your mother's been stripped of it and chained down.

imagine growing up and coming into your domains and realizing the one person who needs it the most is your own MOTHER and there's nothing you can really do to save her without facing severe consequences 😭

but anyway! 💖

metrodora has a stoic appearance, but it's just a bad case of the resting bitch face. she's actually a very kind and sweet goddess, she's just quiet and reserved. she's serious and no-nonsense, but not to the point of being stifling to others. a bit shy and awkward sometimes because like i said, she's very reserved so she doesn't have many close friends aside from her family.

she's also a maiden goddess! this was a decision she made after realizing the terrible situation her mother's in, so she made a vow of eternal maidenhood out of fear of... well... ending up like her mother 💔

sirenios! (11th perpollo baby! his name means "Of the Sirens" or "Song of the sea")

as the name implies, he's got a natural full mer form like his mother does AND he's also got her cannibalistic tendencies lol

he's a god of beauty, sound, music, singing, and the sea!

as made obvious from one of his domains, he is the most beautiful of the perpollo kids (and yeah he also inherited a lot of percy's traits hehe). he's pretty vain, narcissistic and arrogant, and honestly a huge snob 😭😭

NOT as snobby as luisne though!!!! he doesn't screech and stomp around; he's more of the time to scoff and turn his nose up and things like that.

he is an incest kid, rip percy 😂😂😂

he is the god of beauty, but he got his looks from his MOTHER. put percy and sirenios side by side and many people would mistake them as twins. so naturally, he sees his mother as the ✨epitome of beauty✨

his father is beautiful too (LMAO), he supposes, but no one is as beautiful as him and his mother 💖

rozaltha! (a beelcy daughter! her name means "The Unholy Bride/ The Rose Bride")

SHE IS A HUGE YAN LMAO (but not an incest freak tho)

i don't have her domains yet, but i think i'm gonna make her some sort of love and marriage goddess? or maybe just make her domains obsession and lovesickness???? idk yet, i'm still thinking of it

BUT ANYWAY!!!!! she's like those traditional yandere character tropes where they're super sweet but them BAM they go kill crazy for their darling 😭 think yuno gasai! traditional yans like that!

as the name implies, she's big on marriage! she wants to be a wife! she wants a perfect relationship like her mother and father have (which is fucking hilarious cuz this is BEELZEBUB and PERCY she's talking about 😂😂😂)

she's the type to "fall in love" really quickly. she tripped and someone caught her? "they love me! we must marry! 😍"

a handsome person looks at her? "oh my! they've fallen in love with me! do you think that want to marry me? 😍"

you get the gist LMAO

also, notice how i use "they" and not specify the gender? yeah, she doesn't care if it's a girl or a dude or a they. she just wants someone to take the "husband" role; she's a traditional gal too so it's gotta be someone who will take care of her, spoil and dote on her, etc. basically, a mirror of beelcy's relationship where rozaltha is like her mother and her ideal partner is like her father

anyway, like i said. she's a HUGE yan. the second she feels like her "husband"s attention is straying, her heart breaks and she loses it and kills them because how DARE they betray her like this 😭💔 or maybe they yell at her (they're calling her crazy because she kidnapped them), she'll kill them for hurting her feelings -- that's not how a husband treats their wife! 😭💔

poor girl just wants someone to love her. she wants the ideal relationship, a pure and beautiful romance just like her parents! 🥺💖💖💖

(ALSO! she doesn't care what species they are! human, god, demon, merfolk, satyr, nymph, WHATEVER! she doesn't care! just take care of her!!!!)

fiachra! a sécy daughter!

a pretty lowkey yandere tbh.

if you recall, fiachra's one of the kids who inherited percy's cannibalistic tendencies and i made an earlier post about how i plan for fiachra to accidentally/somehow get a taste of a god's blood and grow obsessed with them because they just taste SO good

why i said she isn't THAT bad of a yan is that she does at least TRY to curb her desires 🥺

sécy daughters are good at (nonexistent) heart, most are just sheltered and naive thanks to their father. they're very very new to romance thanks to it, so poor girl's very confused about these blossoming feelings. she's read romance books before, is that what's happening to her? is she... in love with this god?

or does she just see them as food? they taste so good... but they are also pretty good looking... is this love? she wants to see this person again, wants to be around them more, and wants to eat them? is this love?! she's so confused 🥺💔💔💔

the thought of them makes her feel SO good though! the ichor floods to her face and she feels all nice and fuzzy inside! she wants to hug them and kiss them and sink her fangs in their neck -- no! wait! that's not nice! she shouldn't hurt people, that's what her mother taught her!

love is just so complicated for her 🥺💔

clíona! another sécy daughter!

i'm thinking of making her a wilderness/nature goddess, but i'll think of that later lol. i just got the idea cuz of the antlers on her head. maybe i'll make deer her sacred animal?? 🤔

hyperactive joy of the palace! she's just cheery and sweet, it really fits her name "little darling" 🥰

can't sit still, she wants to run around in the forest and play with the animals and fae and other woodly creatures in the otherworld! but well... you know cú chulainn 💀 idiot has all his daughters and wife in lockdown like 25/8 😭

BUT she begged and begged and begged and he finally caved. fortunately, celtics are big on nature so their palace is already surrounded by a lush forest. cú chulainn lets her run around once more protective barriers are put in place so his baby can enjoy the nature 💖 the other kids can join too, they just canNOT go passed their territory or he'll lose his shit 💀

honestly, she has such huge puppy girl energy just like her mom but times it by 10 😂 always sparkly and wide-eyed, with the 90 degree head tilts, imaginary dog tail wagging 😂😂😂 (she's almost as hyperactive as anubis! which says a lot lol)

nebamon! an anuby baby! (his nickname is "moni" like "money" btw hehe; also has his mother's cannibalistic tendencies)

anyway, yeah his appearance is weird but really, i just liked the fc so i struggled to think of an explanation as to why he looked like that BUT then i realized that egyptian gods had like... a thing for looking like/resembling/or at least SOME sort of relation to an animal/insect

so.... i picked... AN ANT! 😂 i mean... it fits! ants have five eyes and antennae (they're actually horns in the pic, but just pretend they're antennae 💔). anyway, he's the god of riches and treasures!

also........ imma be honest guys, i based his personality off of mammon from obey me 😭😭😭😭😭

so expect him to be very immature, greedy, prideful, boastful, and a bit of (lovable) moron 😂

HE LOVES HIS FAMILY THOUGH! i mean, he was raised by anubis and percy, ofc he'd be big on family 💖💖💖 so while he absolutely would playfully threaten to sell one of his siblings for a corn chip, he wouldn't actually do it 🥺💖

nebkhetu! another anuby baby who has mommy's cannibalistic tendencies)

idk if you guys remember, but i got one of his domains from hsr aeons LMAO 😭. he's a sheep god who's domains are abundance (his name literally translates to "lord of abdundance"), fertility, harvest, agriculture, and sex.

a very flirtatious and sultry god who enjoys seducing others. he sleeps around a shit ton so yeah, he's a whore 💀 even worse, he's the god of FERTILITY which also falls under making fertile lands but ALSO sexual reproduction 😭😭😭 percy's ripping her hair out trying to prevent her kid from becoming a deadbeat but he just wants to keep breeding 😭💔

"if you don't help your partners prevent pregnancy, I WILL FIND A WAY TO PERMANENTLY REMOVE YOUR PENIS, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

"y-yes mother.... 😨"

anthenara! the eldest percades child! she's the one with the domain of blood and has her mother's cannibalistic tendencies

an yandere incest freak but NOT for her mom, but..... for her BROTHER lmao

(i think i'm gonna make it damasios???)

anyway, you know that "ara ara" nee-san meme???? yeah that's her 😍

elegant (like her father!), sultry, coy, and seductive, but EXTREMELY protective of her family. she's the first born after all, and she loves all her little baby siblings, but she loves one of them just a liiiiiitle too much 😜

even with her mother, she's protective and sometimes she can't help but treat percy as if she's one of her own little siblings which is hilarious 😂😂😂 anthenara just has strong motherly insticts okay? she's very caring and protective and percy looks and sometimes even acts younger than her LMAO

similarly to hades, she tends to be patronizing, (especially to damasios).

"oh, darling brother, are you sure you want to kill that man? perhaps i should do it for you 💖"

"you're too young to hear about this nasty talk, sweetie, why don't you go upstairs and play? 💖"

"oh my, are you disobeying your big sister~? 💖"

her family is all she cares about, she doesn't care for any outsiders and she ESPECIALLY doesn't trust poseidon or the posy children since she's aware that poseidon had killed her elder half-brother that she never got to meet 💔

#👸🏻| asks #👸🏻| arsenic blues #👸🏻| midnight morphine

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misaneeragoni · 2 months ago

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One Piece - Favourite characters + headcannons!

My favourite characters in a tierlist!

Listed by:

Marriage material

Best friend material

Want it as my pet

Cute as a mitten

Scarily attractive

Parent material

Left to right is decreasing in how much I'd like them to be the respective thing.

Now, for those who care (why do you? I'm a nobody, haha), here's an extensive list of reasons! + headcannons for how they'd act in these respective roles.

Marriage material

Doflamingo

Doflamingo is usually second to Kidd in my personal preference, but right now I'm on a big Doflamingo simping spree, probably due to the fact that I'm finally watching Dressrosa for the first time.

I imagine he's either a full on possessive, manipulative and absolutely terrifying husband, or you end up as a trophy wife and he barely pays you any mind, but you know what, I'd be fine with that. Chance of being killed by him: 60%.

Corazon / Rosinante

All I know about him so far is entirely through fanart and small spoilers! I think he'd be a very affectionate husband, the type to bring you small gifts (and ocassionally panic because he left the gift he bought at the cash register).

He totally has a thing for taking in stray animals and giving them a loving home, if it's cats or dogs he keeps tripping over them.

Eustass Kidd

Now Kidd will love you very very deeply and beat up every single person that dares to even make a mean joke about you, but he's also incredibly bad at showing that he cares.

He's gotta look cool, so in public he'll either act like you're just very good friends or that you're some sort of trophy wife, but amidst the crew or especially in private he gets very affectionate and clingy - being physical is so much easier than expressing yourself verbally!

He doesn't mind sharing you with Killer, but if a stranger so much as dares look at you flirtatiously they'll be lucky if they make it out alive.

Ace

Getting together with Ace is already very difficult. He keeps telling you he's not worthy of your love, so you shouldn't love him, let alone date him.

By the time you've gotten him to agree to get married, he's become a little more accepting of your love, even if those doubts never really fully go away.

He's constantly planning fun trips for the both of you and will show you off like a kid would show off their paintings. All of the Whitebeard Pirates are sick and tired of hearing about how awesome you are at this point.

Sanji

I don't think I can add anything new to this. He's constantly swooning over you and spoiling you to the moon and beyond. You get breakfast in bed, you get carried around the second your feet are the tiniest bit sore, and overall he's just so over the moon to have you that sometimes you think you're in heaven.

He's a total family man so if there's kids around you know they're getting spoiled just as much as you are. He thrives when he gets to care for others, and having his own little family makes him incredibly happy.

Sometimes you need to remind him to take it easy and stop doing so much work for everyone because he'll absolutely overdo it and put himself last.

Smoker

He is very gruff and not one for talking all that much. Oftentimes when you tell him things you'll get one of a variety of grunts in response, that you've learned to translate well over the course of your marriage.

You either get to travel with him as a marine spouse or stay safe on an island he helped you get settled down on. If you're staying on an island he's taken extra security measures and has figured out a way to have smoke permanently cloud the area around the house so noone can even find it to begin with.

He's very concerned for your safety and it shows that it's his top priority. He prefers being physically affectionate, but will ocassionally give you small yet meaningful compliments. ("You're the best.") He's usually got some small thing to bring back to you from whatever island he was last on (flowers, sweets, meaningful little gifts), but he really doesn't want you to make a big deal out of it.

Eneru / Enel

You may be married to him, but he's still god. You may be his favourite disciple, but you're still a disciple regardless. You're expected to address him using a formal title of respect and if you fail to meet his expectations you will be punished accordingly.

He does appreciate you worshipping him, but it's more transactional than a genuine loving marriage.

Best friend material!

Trafalgar Law

I found it pretty hard to choose between marriage material and best friend for Law. I do really like him, but for me personally I think he's a bit too freaky to want to be married to him. (See post-marineford: "This will be a fun operation" + manic grin).

If we're talking One Piece Party or One Piece Academy Law's personality, then sure, I'll marry that man, but cannon Law seems a bit too closed off to ever even get close enough to get to date or marry him in the first place. Keep in mind, I'm only like halfway through Dressrosa, I don't know this man's arc yet.

As a best friend, I think he's awesome. He's weird, ocassionally stoic, but also unintentionally hilarious with the way he acts, and he's the king of dry jokes. You wouldn't expect it of him, but he can be the life of the party when he wants to be.

Killer

Another tough choice between marriage and best friend! Ultimately it came down to me simply preferring Kidd's personality in marriage, whereas I do think I'm too similar to Killer and would lack excitement with him.

That's not to say there is no excitement with his man, cause there is! He's the type to support whatever crazy shenanigans you may be going for, even if he'll ocassionally hold you back from doing something that might backfire a bit too much.

If loyalty had a face it would be Killer's, you could not ask for a better best friend.

Hancock

Hancock is absolutely vicious in how she speaks of others. Which makes her the very best girl friend to have for talking shit behind people's backs! She's very funny when she does so, even if you have to put up with her major streaks of egomania all the time.

Crocodile

Do you need somebody to be assassinated? Just hit up your buddy Crocodile. He'll have his agents take care of it for you discreetly. He's a very relaxed man if he feels safe about you.

If you like to talk a lot he'll tell you to shut the hell up, but if you sit together in silence he'll think that you're very cool and companionable.

He likes to invite you out to fancy dinners, although he does expect you to dress and act the part. He doesn't tolerate fools, so if you want to remain his friend you'll have to act dignified.

Mihawk

Mihawk likes to keep you at arm's length, but he's okay with ocassionally having deep philosophical discussions together over a glass of wine.

You exchange reading recommendations with one another but mostly you both do your own things. Oftentimes you're the one that has to reach out to him to initiate contact, he's a little lazy in taking care of his social circle.

Perona

She'll only accept you as her friend if she deems you cute enough for that. Once you've gotten over the part where she wants you to do all her bidding, she's surprisingly fun to be around. She's always up for pranks and her devil fruit makes it very easy to pull them off!

I'm going to skip over the remaining characters here seeing as I don't have any ideas as to what would make them special as best friends. I've listed all of these as best friends because they've shown great loyalty (and sense of honour).

Want it as my pet

Bepo

I feel a little bad putting Bepo in the "pet" category here. He'd make an amazing best friend just the same as everyone listed in that category, I just view him as polar bear first, mink second.

And he does share some traits with say, a pet dog. His fur sheds everywhere and you constantly have to clean your clothes to get rid of it, he's constantly asking for your attention and hugs (and will apologize if you tell him off cause you don't have the time!) and sometimes wants to sit on your lap despite the fact that he's huge and very heavy.

Zoro

Zoro also shares a lot of traits with dogs. He's fiercely protective, loyal to the bitter end, he cares for his food and drink more than most other things and small things such as getting a drink make him very happy. He's low maintenance, so long as you feed him, let him train in peace and ocassionally scratch his scalp he's very content.

That said, you do need to put him on a leash when you go anywhere with him. He's very indignified by it, but you just know he's going to wander off and get lost otherwise.

Any other pets listed literally just have the reason: "omg it's so cute" or "omg it's so dorky", except for Shushu, who just absolutely deserves the world and if I think about him too much I'm going to start crying. That little dog has the most tragic story in all of One Piece.

Cute as a mitten

This category is both optional as best friends as well as lovers / marriage material.

Bartolomeo

As a best friend he'll go through thick and thin with you. His manners make it very embarassing to be around him sometimes, unless you have absolutely no shame. Secretly you think he's kinda cool for how he just doesn't give a shit though.

As your husband - oh boy. He wouldn't settle for marrying somebody he likes less than he does the Strawhats, so he absolutely dotes on you. Think Sanji, except instead of having cool moments this one's a complete slobbering mess all of the time. He'll do anything for you - but you'll also be drooled on. A lot.

Penguin

As a best friend, he's always there for any type of mischief you might be wanting to do. In fact most of the time he's the one suggesting new ideas. Especially if it comes to peeping on women. That's a secret guilty pleasure of his.

As your husband, even after you've been married to him for some years, he still becomes a shy mess from time to time. He's very respectful and polite and still can't really believe his luck that he scored somebody like you.

Marguerite

Marguerite is just so freaking adorable. The way the English dub of Amazon Lily portrayed her was definitely like she had a crush on Luffy, and those two are honestly my favourite Luffy x ship. She saved him from drowning, he saved her from remaining stone for the rest of her life and they get along very well. Also, she has a danger noodle. I love danger noodles.

Shachi

Now Shachi isn't so different from Penguin, seeing as these two have practically spent all of their lives together. Their mothers were good friends so they even got to share a crib from time to time, and it shows.

Shachi is a little more bold and confident than Penguin and will flirt abrasively with every woman he comes across. Not that he's very good at it, in fact he's rather quite bad at it. Who knew that pick-up lines were so unsuccessful? Shachi sure doesn't, and he's a bit too oblivious to catch on.

Baby 5

As her friend, you need to make sure she doesn't make horrible decisions all of the time. It's pretty exhausting, but she's a good listener and can make really funny creations with her devil fruit so she totally makes up for it.

Ikkaku

Ikkaku is always down for a good time. She's a very enthusiastic wing-woman, even if she overdoes it sometimes.

Katakuri

No idea what he's like, I'm only at Dressrosa after all. I did see fanart of him extending his jaw to eat donuts though, which just looks so dorky and so cute, so I've thrown him into this category.

Kaku

Kaku is the best. From his old-fashioned expressions to overall just being very polite and cute, this giraffe man has it all. He's very prim and proper, but he's also down to earth and a great friend to have a round.

He reminds me of Peter Parker (Spiderman) a little. A bit of a dorky nerd, but very lovable regardless.

Scarily attractive

I don't mean just attractive. I'm actually scared of these characters. There's not much to say beyond base attraction here, so I'll quickly go over them.

Domino - has one of my favourite designs in the whole series. Maybe I just like women in uniforms, who knows. We don't know anything about her beyond her seeming strict and being attracted to Hancock.

Sady - again, attraction to women in uniform, I guess. Even if hers is a little extreme. I just love the bangs covering her face so much and her colours work great together.

Monet - BIRB!!!! I love Birbs. Especially Harpies. And she looks so freaking good with those silly glasses!

Carmen - Oh, Carmen. What a lovely lady she was! It's a shame she's gone forever now. Maybe she was filler? I'm not sure. Sanji should have adopted her.

Kuro - I wish him being a strategist had been explored a little further, in terms of what strategic exploits he'd been up to in the past. Well, basically I just want more Kuro content. I feel like he's exactly the sort of psychopath that will stab you with a knife while you're kissing him. Very hot!

Caesar - Generally I do feel scared of folks who might commit genocide while I'm in their vicinity. But his design looks freaking awesome!

Kalifa - That's one sexy lady. How freaking dare she hurt Sanji, though!!

Sexy Arlong sister shark lady - Oh my god her eye looks so cool, and so does her shark tail thingy!!

Viola - Dancers are just cool in the first place, and Viola's going against Doffy, the man who oppressed her for so many years, is just admirable.

Lovely lady from Viper's squad on Skypeia - She's cool, brave and fearless! Why am I scared of her again?

Parent material

There's not much to say for why I want these characters as parents except for I think they would make good ones. Some of these we have as parents in cannon - Bellemere with Nami, Zeff with Sanji, Dadan with Ace, Sabo and Luffy, Viper with that little girl - and for the others I just have small reasons, pretty much.

Iceburg - he'd totally make his secretary change the baby's diapers because he's too lazy (and grossed out) to do it, but he'd still be there for you when he needed to (and couldn't delegate the work to anyone else).

Robin - would want to compensate for not having any parents of her own (that were ever around), so she'd be extra careful to make sure her child received all the love it would need and would never have to undergo the years of loneliness like she did. She'd read you a lot of stories and would encourage you to read from an early age.

Sometimes she enjoys the kid's books far more than you do.

Hina - no good reason, just strong sense of justice, strict and ocassionally funny mom to have.

Duval - no good reason either, but a very funny stupid dad to have.

Paulie - would need to overcome his indignity of seeing any woman showing skin to have a kid in the first place, but he'd be very careful to make sure his kid grew up right (and would dress up properly if it was a girl!)

Magellan - he's shown great responsibility and carefulness in leading Impel Down right. He might have some issues making time for parenting between being the Warden and sitting on the toilet all day, but he'd make it work. Maybe make Hannyabal do some of the dirty work for him.

If you've made it this far - thank you so much for reading!! I really wanted to throw my headcannons of these characters in the respective positions out into the void. Have a lovely day!

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paymechildsupport · 11 months ago

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I should have really been in bed five hours ago, but these leaks make me wanna commit heinous acts and I just gotta do something about this Sukuna pic cuz erm… just :3

He’s just so….. <3

EHEHEHHEHEHEHEH I don’t know what it is but the idea of having such a powerful, destructive man just down at my feet is so intoxicating jsjshdbdbdb

Just imagine his humongous form in your sheets in the latest hours of midnight— just an amalgamation of limbs on your bedspread

Drowsy and drunk off sleepiness, fighting off exhaustion in that soft cushiony state between consciousness with his big arms swallowing your much tinier body up, head on your chest

You’d absentmindedly run your fingers through his wolf hair, nails scraping his scalp in such a way to elicit tiny sounds of contentment

He in no way would be silent: bro will be sighing and huffing and even just purring occasionally,- exactly like an old cat or dog. You’d feel every noise vibrate, bouncing around in his large chest, pressed against your torso

The second you fall asleep and cease to shower him in affection he’d immediately get incredibly offended

He’d take it personally, and man’s can hold a NASTY GRUDGE (look what he’s doing to poor Yuji 😭)

He’d let out a rather audible, “hmph”, and make a show of pulling himself off of you, making sure he woke you up

“How dare you, pathetic mortal”

HE’D SULK

He’d be both very bluntly aggressive but also passive aggressive in every. Single. Thing.

He is entitled to your time, your attention, your affection, your every waking thought should be dedicated to him and him alone. He should be first priority over everything

JAJSJDBBDBS Y’know how in like superhero movies the villain sometimes has this really adorable cliché where they are this absolutely brutal, horrible monster whose committed numerous misdeeds but have a wife / spouse they treasure above all else? Like, they’ll be in the middle of explaining their plans of world domination when their wife all of a sudden calls out that dinner’s ready, — and then all of a sudden the villain is this esteemed gentleman who’s just really really excited to have some lasagna his darling wife made for dinner?? They really just wanna keep their spouse outta all the crime and such cuz they know they hate it and always get scolded for it.

yeah, that’s the only way I’ve been coping for these past leaks 🥶

Sukuna would be in the middle of nuking the map when all of a sudden you pull up

He’d be talking all high and mighty, saying how he’d obliterate and kill all of Yuji’s loved ones when suddenly he hears his name get called out and he’d just FREEZE.

“Quick, act like I didn’t just murder your closest kin like three minutes ago.”

”what? Why??”

“Because my spouse is here and they’ll actually skin me alive if they see me like this 😡—- hey honey ☺️ how’s it going..?”

Like tensing up, eyes bulging, lip quivering, sweating BULLETS, the most scared anyone’s ever seen him. Immediately dropping everything, disregarding the accumulating mass of cursed energy he’d been saving up for the past twenty minutes, to turn around and give you his best, most charming smile

You’d just walk up to him and like, grab him by the ear, yanking him down to your level to curse the ever living daylights outta him

“Stop going out and bullying teenagers 🤬 you miserable old man I swear—“

And he’d just stand there and TAKE IT. You’d scold him exactly like a disappointed mother, personally escorting him off the battlefield and profusely apologizing to Yuji for your husband’s actions

He’d just be all sad, walking away and dragging his feet, moping, back hunched, hand holding yours 😭🤏 and leaving an incredibly confused Yuji

And then you adopt Yuji and Sukuna stops being a grumpy old man and my boy gets his happily ever after and we all hug it out :3

#I NEED HIM #i need him so bad #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen #jjk oneshot #sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna #sukuna ryomen #sukuna #sukuna x you #sukuna jjk #jjk fluff #sukuna fluff #jjk spoilers #This truly is my jujutsu Kaisen #he’s so silly #he’s so pretty

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uselesslexbian · 11 months ago

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the tortured poets department sentence starters.

i was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me.

i love you, it's ruining my life.

my husband is cheating. i wanna kill him.

thought of calling you, but you won't pick up.

who's gonna hold you like me?

who's gonna know you, if not me?

sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me.

everyone we know understands why it's meant to be. 'cause we're crazy.

who else is gonna know me?

i should've known it was a matter of time.

we could've played for keeps this time.

once i fix me, he's gonna miss me.

he told me i'm better off, but i'm not.

fuck it if i can't have him.

i might just die, it would make no difference.

fuck it if i can't have us.

'cause fuck it, i was in love.

i stopped trying to make him laugh.

how much sad did you think i had in me?

you say i abandoned the ship, but i was going down with it.

just how low did you think i'd go before i'd self-implode?

you swore you love me, but where were the clues?

i'm just mad as hell 'cause i loved this place.

i forget if this was ever fun.

no, i'm not coming to my sense.

i know he's crazy, but he's the one i want.

i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning.

i'll tell you something about my good name - it's mine alone to disgrace.

you ain't gotta pray for me.

no, you can't come to the wedding.

it's gonna be alright, i did my time.

i will never lose my baby again.

ain't no way i'm gonna screw up now that i know what's at stake.

they said i was a cheat. i guess it must be true.

yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine.

tell me i'm dispicable, say it's unforgivable.

am i allowed to cry?

i keep recalling things we never did.

someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts.

if it's make-believe, why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

they're gonna crucify me anyway.

what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

you don't get to tell me about "sad."

if you wanted me dead, you should've just said.

who's afraid of little old me?

at all costs, keep your good name.

you don't get to tell me you feel bad.

so tell me everything is not about me, but what if it is?

say they didn't do it to hurt me, but what if they did?

i'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said?

i'm fearsome, and i'm wretched, and i'm wrong.

you caged me, and then you called me crazy.

i am what i am 'cause you trained me.

i can fix him. no really, i can.

come close, i'll show you heaven.

trust me, i can handle me a dangerous man.

you said i'm the love of your life.

well, you took me to hell, too.

what we thought was for all time was momentary.

are they second-hand embarrassed that i can't get out of bed 'cause something counterfeit's dead?

you're the loss of my life.

i can handle my shit.

he said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short.

i can do it with a broken heart.

i'm so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague.

i cry a lot, but i am so productive. it's an art.

you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart.

i'm sure i can pass this test.

they said, "babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and i did.

'cause i'm miserable! and nobody even knows!

was any of it true?

who the fuck was that guy?

they just ghosted you. now you know what it feels like.

i don't even want you back.

you didn't measure up in any measure of a man.

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

'cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden.

i would've died for your sins. instead i just died inside.

i'll forget you, but i'll never forgive.

i haven't come around in so long, but i'm making a comeback to where i belong.

this town is fake, but you're the real thing.

the crown is stained, but you're the real queen.

you're the new god we're worshipping.

it's hell on earth to be heavenly.

#rp ask meme #ask meme #rp prompts #rp starters #rp meme #lyric starters #lyric memes #idk what else #if there's typos no there's not

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cosmerelists · 5 months ago

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Cosmere Characters Meet Non-Cosmere Sanderson Characters

As requested by anon. :)

Namely, Sanderson characters from non-Cosmere works I've actually read, aka Skyward and Frugal Wizard.

1. Ryan Chu (Frugal Wizard) and Amaram (Stormlight)

Ryan: What DOES Sanderson have against handsome, highly competent people? Amaram: I don't know. He just hates us. Ryan: Are we too good at our jobs? Amaram: Are we too handsome? Ryan: Too good with the ladies? Amaram: Too effective in battle? Ryan: Is it that we maybe slightly screw over his precious main character while working on something greater? Amaram: He's SUCH an unforgiving author.

2. Jorgen & Spensa (Skyward) and Vin & Elend (Mistborn)

Vin (narrowing her eyes at Jorgen): You look like a man from a highly wealthy, politically influential background who has a strained relationship with his father, especially after you fall in love with a badass, combative woman from the "wrong" side of society who has special powers needed to save the day. Spensa (narrowing her eyes at Vin): And I'm getting the sense that you had to fight really hard for everything in your life but never gave up, and that you didn't like your man initially because he seemed wealthy and stuck up but eventually you realized that he matched your freak pretty exactly. Jorgen: Oh wow, we definitely need to set up a double date! Elend: Did we just become best friends?

3. Cobb (Skyward) and Harmony (Mistborn)

Cobb: ...and it's honestly horrible, constantly loading children into that munitions chamber to be spent into empty shells. Harmony: I know what you mean. Every time I cannot act, I have to call upon Wax to be my gun once again. Cobb: And then they go out... Harmony: And then he goes out... Cobb: And they die! Harmony: And he kills tons of people! Cobb: ... Harmony: ... Cobb: I think you got your metaphor backwards there, friend. Harmony: I think it's you.

4. John (Frugal Wizard) and Painter (Yumi)

John: [holds out his hand for a fist bump] John: Fellow loser protagonist? My man. Painter: I-I'M NOT FIST BUMPING TO THAT

5. Kimmalyn (Skyward) and Adolin (Stormlight)

Adolin: It can be tough to be the most emotionally intelligent person in the cast, huh? Kimmalyn: Tough? I dunno about that! I like being able to help my friends! Adolin: I mean, me too! Adolin: But we're both so friendly and mostly upbeat that I think people sometimes forget we have our own problems. Kimmalyn: Yeah...I missed some shots that haunted me for a long time... Adolin: And I stabbed a guy through the eye in an alley. Kimmalyn: Well, bless your stars!

6. Sefawynn (Frugal Wizard) and Demoux (Mistborn/Stormlight)

Demoux: Off-worlders giving you a hard time? Sefawynn: I'm sorry? Demoux: People from other worlds? Coming to your planet and messing everything up? Sound familiar? Sefawynn: My husband is from another world. Sefawynn: I would not say that he "messed things up." He helped save us. Demoux: [Crumping up a Seventeenth Shard pamphlet in frustration] How great for you.

7. Spensa (Skyward) and Jasnah (Stormlight Archive)

Jasnah: So these "Cytonic" abilities of yours give you access to the "Nowhere." Spensa: That's right. Why? Jasnah: Which is some kind of extra-dimensional space that exists alongside your "normal" space where time is strange and timeless creatures exist? Spensa: The Delvers, yeah. Jasnah: You are basically a sci-fi Eslecaller. Spensa: ... Spensa: A what?

8. M-Bot (Skyward) and Nightblood (Warbreaker/Stormlight)

M-Bot: Hiiii! Nightblood: Hello!!! M-Bot: I can already tell that you're a kindred spirit. Nightblood: Yeah!! M-Bot: Do you want to read my ongoing work "The Greater Argument for Human Origination Chaos" (GAFHOC)? Nightblood: Well I don't think I can read, but you can tell me about? M-Bot: My main thesis is that "humans are weird." Nightblood: ...And evil? M-Bot: No, gotta go with "weird." Weird creatures, humans. Nice. Squishy sometimes. But weird. Nightblood: Mmmm...I think you're missing the "evil" part. Nightblood: I was created to destroy evil, you know! M-Bot: I was created to document mushrooms! Maybe! Nightblood: Does the "M" stand for Mushrooms? M-Bot: Yes! Or possibly "massacre" according to Spensa. Nightblood: Ooooh, I like "massacre." Massacre is cooler than mushrooms! M-Bot: Uh, you haven't seen my very cool mushrooms. Nightblood: Well, let's see them. M-Bot: I love having a friend!

#cosmere #cosmerelists #skyward #frugal wizard #Ryan Chu #Amaram #M-Bot #Nightblood #Spensa #Jorgen #Vin #Elend #Kimmalyn #Adolin #Matthew Cobb #Harmony #Jasnah #Demoux #John West #Painter

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mostly-mundane-atla · 2 years ago

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Things Inupiaq culture doesn't traditionally have:

Kings/royalty (requiring tribute from the people you lead is seen as tyranical and tyrants are killed when possible)

A cash economy (dentallium shells were valued by many other cultures and sometimes were used as money in international trade, but not among fellow Inupiat)

Agriculture (we are traditionally a hunter-gatherer people seasonally following the herds, fish, and ripening greens and berries)

Corporal punishment (you aren't even supposed to yell at people or even scold children)

Slavery (you could argue this one since women were sometimes captured and taken as wives; but this is typically regarded as an ancient and morally questionable practice. The Inupiat didn't believe in owning people or their labor, only at best associating through marriage, blood relation, or wife-exchange)

Primogeniture as a hard-fast rule (Inupiat culture was traditionally patriarchal so a son may inherit his father's status as a family patriarch if he is already a father at this time, but material inheritence was not guaranteed to work that way)

A written language (historians were assigned to memorize records, family trees, and the like)

Human or animal sacrifices (would be considered cruel and wasteful)

Formal vs informal language (socio-economic class is mutable and does not affect language)

Gendered pronouns (our language uses pronouns to indicate tone of a sentence the way many languages use pronunciation, as well as relationship between subject and object in complex sentences and in all cases whether the subject is singular, dual, or plural and if the sentence is in first, second, or third person. An absolute fuckton of pronouns and none of them are gendered)

Raw meat taboo (except in the case of pregnancy; the arctic climate means the weather was not too far off from refrigerator or freezer temperatures, if not colder, and underground storage was often placed around frozen methane deposits known as permafrost)

Dog meat taboo (dogs were helpful as beasts of burden or sometimes hunting companions but when there's a famine you gotta eat what you can)

Many ceremonies taken for granted (for example, if a man and woman mutually agreed they were married, that was the only wedding required. We had big celebrations for survival, and women got incredible face tattoos for coming of age, but many lifestages were celebrated more low-key with little pomp and circumstance)

Shirts (you didn't wear anything underneath your atigi, and if it was too warm for it, you took it off. Yes, even women. Presbyterian missionaries thought we were godless sluts for our tits out ways)

Virginity marriage requirement (it was best if a woman hadn't had sex before but only because we lived in small communities and you have to keep track of bloodlines. Having sex didn't make girls unclean or impure and unwed mothers were taken care of by their families and weren't stigmatized)

Required monogomy (men could have multiple wives and women could have multiple husbands, wife exchange was a means of fostering allegiance, and the main problem with cheating is that it involved lying and prioritizing pleasure over duties like making sure your husband doesn't fall to his death while hunting. In stories about cheating and revenge, the cheater and retaliating jealous partner are both depicted as in the wrong)

There are more, but these i feel provide a pretty good basic idea of the culture. You can use these bits of info as Water Tribe worldbuilding inspo if you want, but i won't pester you into it. I just think my culture is neat and wanted to share ^-^

#eskimo on main #might talk about captured wives one of these days because that concept always facinated me

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nysus-temple · 1 year ago

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Apollo & Dionysus [Part 1]

MAN. not sure if i know what i'm doing, they're very complicated and this won't be my only essay about them. But I've been delaying this essay for way too long, to a point in which I was close to crying about it.

Hope you enjoy, in any case, how i give you all the connections, both good and bad, of my favourite god figures from the Greek Folklore.

1. Karneia [Καρνεῖα].

One of Dionysus' main characteristics is how he's depicted with horns. It's part of his identity as a god, it's horns what (according to the Orphic hymns) made him look like Persephone's son. you can't take away his horns and pretend he's still Dionysus. Euripides knew that well.

Apollo, on the other hand, not many are aware that he sometimes was represented with horns, as well ! This festival, held mainly in Sparta, was to honor Apollo (and a couple of other gods but, he was the star of the show).

The reasons for why this festival was held vary; like Pausanias saying it was to calm him down so he wouldn't send a plague.

But, you see, the main reason this festival is mentioned here: the Spartans would stop any military activity to honor a horned Apollo, he resembled Dionysus during that time. And not only that, but he also was related with vines during it, and that's Dionysus sacred plant. Just like the laurel (or bay, i think it's called in English) is the sacred tree of Apollo.

Seeing Apollo with that plant, and harvesting grapes while having horns, has a strong conection to what Dionysus is.

2. Delphi's Oracle.

It's still Apollo's Oracle, wether Dionysus kept it while he was gone at Hyperborea or not. He killed Python, Gaia's big-ass snake, in order to get it.

But.

While Apollo had to leave during the winter time to go to Hyperborea, it was Dionysus OF ALL GODS the one who kept Delphi, and thus, his festivals were celebrated there.

On one side of the main temple, you could see Apollo with his twin sister, Artemis, and his mother, Leto.

And on the other side, it was Dionysus.

Dionysus wasn't related to prophecies, at all. Maenads did shenanigans during the time Apollo wasn't there.

But it's, you know... Interesting, that Apollo's most important oracle was kept by Dionysus during the time that he wasn't there.

With this, you should think "then, they're in good terms, right?" Yeah, well, they're supposed to be, there's nothing stating that they have a bad relationship, it's the other way around, actually !

But the next point... Is gonna leave us all confused.

3. Orpheus.

Or, as i like to call it:

And my favourite part of this essay, gotta say !

Orpheus brought many cults to the Greeks, according to Pausanias. Like the Eleusinian Demeter one, for example. And not to forget, Orphism gets his name from him, as well as the Orphic Hymns, obviously.

But, apparently, besides doing all that, at the end of his life, he claimed to not care about any gods, not even Dionysus, the main figure of Orphism, that weren't Apollo.

And his death was explained in a lost play of Aeschylus, one that two different writers describe; Eratosthenes and Pausanias, so pick your favourite:

P: 1. the maeneads saw Orpheus refusing to worship Dionysus, and killed him.

E: 2. Or, the interesting one: Dionysus saw that Orpheus devoted himself to Apollo and Apollo only, and got... Jealous. Jealous of his devotion to Apollo.

He was the one who started Orphism, the one who wrote many hymns for him. Seeing him being devoted to someone else than him apparently wasn't a good move. In this version he sent the maeneads to kill him, they didn't go for their own will, which makes it more peculiar.

I'm not writting down Ovid's version because it doesn't fucking count.

Plato also says some odd thingy, that "the gods imposed on Orpheus the punishment of dying at the hands of women for not having had the courage to die for love like Alcestis, daughter of Pelias, who had died in the place of her husband Admetus." ... Which, yeah, sure, I guess, whatever you say, buddy. We have to keep in mind Plato's texts are more related to philosophy than anything.

People always say it's Apollo the one who was envious of Dionysus' talents and parties, (for... some reason i guess) specially knowing how he had two of his muses related to him (tragedy and comedy) due to Dionysus being, after all, the god of theatre.

But, surprise ! It was the other way around. Dionysus was jealous of Orpheus' devotion to Apollo. "If you won't devote yourself to me, you won't devote yourself to anyone".

And, well, either because the sources didn't survive or because he wasn't considered his son in these versions, Apollo didn't do anything. In fact, we never see him doing anything towards Dionysus.

So, what now, Nysus? What was their relationship exactly, after all of this?

It's... Complicated !! Okay !!! This needs more research from my part, plus we all should keep in mind that, while all the authors mentioned here were Greek, they were different guys. You always need to keep in mind the place, person, era... All of that, before starting to judge how a dynamic between two gods work.

( If you enjoy my badly-written posts, please consider buying me a kofi ! You're not forced to, though, but please, reblog this post at least if you are gonna leave a like ! 💕 That's what will motivate me to keep working on my essays )

#dionysus lore #apollo #greek mythology

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theshypinkflower · 2 months ago

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how do you think Mason would be as a husband? like if he met a nice farm girl in town (who maybe looked like sandy) and put a ring on it, would he be really traditional and be serious about his cultish beliefs or is he just a big softie around his little wife?

ASSUMING Mason doesn't kill this wifey like he did with Sandy, he's actually really nice. Mason has POTENTIAL to be a good husband, but that sadism in him keeps him from getting close to people.

But for funsies and not accuracy, let's say that he DOESN'T kill you. Let's say he grows out of his sadism in favor for love (I don't imagine Mason would EVER go out looking for love when he enjoys hunting people).

He's traditional, but not how you think. Yes the cult was traditional so he picked up on some of it but he doesn't really enforce it. Your dynamic is really just more of what he's use to. He does a bunch of laborious work (chopping fire wood, constructing buildings, stuff that really requires his muscles) and while he DOES know how to homemake in some capacity (cook for himself, mending, hell even knitting although it's not perfect and is just for survival not a hobby) he'd rather you do it. It takes a lot of time to hunt or chop enough fire wood and so doing the little things like laundry and even cooking sometimes can feel exhausting cause he's just so tired by the end of the day. Having you there to do it makes it easier, plus it's less of traditional roles and just dividing work by what you can and can't do. Sometimes he may ask you to help with the stuff he does because he just needs help (very rarely but who else is gonna help him when he needs it?)

If you have farming knowledge he actually finds it perfect. Initially he thinks he prefer hunting and camping knowledge, but when he has you he realizes how crucial your skills are. You know about animal husbandry and cultivating crops and preserving food better than he does. He can make jerky but sweet treats like jam and jelly? He hardly ever makes because he's more focused on survival than comforts. Someone who can focus on comforts instead of survival makes a perfect pair, even if you sometimes differ on certain decisions. Plus you can make products to sell at farmer's markets and make more income.

Like I said in my Mason headcanon post, he's really good at drawing. It's mostly loose pencil sketches of animals and scenery, but most of all it's drawings of you (and formerly Sandy). If he's not focusing on sadism I think he's a big softie with rough hands that are way to good at working the knots out of your shoulder. He's not serious about the beliefs the cult instilled in him, if he was I imagine one of your deaths would have to be a sacrifice AND he wouldn't have killed an entire cult ground of people. I will say the more you look like Sandy, the more unnerving it is for him. I feel like if someone looks like Sandy he might actually end up killing them like he did with Sandy. There had to be SOME reason he murdered his own wife (let alone an entire cult) and I think if you look like Sandy he'd start looking for that reason again. And then you can figure out how that would end.

Overall, if Mason had an ending that showed he CAN love after Sandy, he'd be a pretty decent and kind husband. You gotta have some toughness in you though. If you can't at least GUT and animal or handle the smell of fish or even be in the outdoors it's a no for him. He doesn't expect you to be able to fight off a pack of wolves or a mountain lion, but you gotta be able to get some deer guts under those nails from time to time.

(Don't expect kids, he prefers just growing old in peace)

#tpof #headcanon #🌸flower headcanons #the price of flesh #mason tpof #tpof mason

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22ayla21 · 1 month ago

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Hello hope you have a good day! Can I request Kayden Break × civilian! Worker reader. As in reader's a normal, rational person, going to work and all that. She appears to be a perfectly polite lady but has a psycho streak a mile wide. She calms Kayden's reckless ideas down but gives him crazy ideas as well. Reader doesn't quite understand the world of Awakeners but still is very supportive of her hardworking husband.

For example:

Reader: Kayden honey, that's the 3000th pushup you've done in 2 hours.

Kayden: Yes I have to, gotta fuck up that bitch Andrei.

Reader: Who's Andrei?

Kayden: So you remember your manager Dave? The one who tried to pin the blame on that intern you liked? Andrei's the same person except he's in the top 10.

Reader:.....hm. Metal conducts electricity right? You can take my favourite knife if you wanna burn his eyes out or melt his brains or something?

Kayden: Jesus woman you should have been an awakener.

Reader: Absolutely not. So when are you inviting this doctor frie.... Ah no acquaintance, of yours to dinner? I'd love to meet him.

Kayden: ... I'm not his fr-

The city was still asleep when she got up, made breakfast and went to work as usual. A regular office, regular colleagues, regular reports. Everything would have been boring if not for one "but": her husband was an awakened one, who was feared even by the strongest of the strong.

Kayden knew that his wife was a rational, reasonable woman, and deep down sometimes he even thanked fate for this. If not for her, perhaps he would have already gotten into another crazy battle with a group of awakened ones, just for fun (and maybe died). But as soon as he had a new brilliant idea, she always stopped, narrowing her eyes, smiling so sweetly that any normal person would have goosebumps.

- Kayden, dear, do you really want to destroy half the city to test the limits of this guy's capabilities? - She put a cup of coffee in front of him, smiling. - How about something less destructive? Like... plant something unexpected on him during a fight? That's a strategy, right?

And Kayden would stop. He would wince, as if trying to find a catch, but her suggestion sounded reasonable. Safe. And most importantly, funny. She, not delving into the intricacies of the world of the awakened, just shrugged. Who was she to judge a man who loved his job so much? The main thing was that he returned home alive.

One day, Kartein approached her and carefully asked:

- How do you even cope with such a husband?

She smiled, sipping her coffee, and said slowly:

- Isn't it obvious? You just have to be a little crazy sometimes.

Kayden returned home late, with a slight smell of ozone in the air - a sign of using his power. She sighed, not looking up from her laptop.

- What is it this time? - she asked in a casual tone.

- A couple of idiots decided to test if I'm really that strong. — He shrugged, throwing off his jacket. — Now they know.

She nodded, continuing to type. Then, looking up thoughtfully, she asked,

— You let them live?

— Of course. — He snorted. — What do you think of me?

— I think you're my husband, which means you're a good person deep down. — She chuckled. — But just in case, if you ever get caught, I'll be your lawyer. And I'll have to come up with some very interesting excuses.

Kayden laughed, settling into the couch.

— You're too dangerous, you know that?

— Yeah, but you like it. — She shrugged. — Now get in the shower, or the smell of lightning will kill me.

#eleceed x reader #eleceed #kayden break #kayden break x reader

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sansaorgana · 2 months ago

Text

— NUMBER ONE GIRL

🚨 This fanfic is a repost from 12 Jun 2022 from my different blog. I kept the Author's Note and everything from the fic the same as it was back then.

PAIRING — Jack Nelson x fem!Reader

SUMMARY — Jack’s wife finds out about him having a mistress.

AUTHOR’S NOTE [12 Jun 2022] — I once got an anon asking for a fic like that and tbh I’ve been planning it anyway, so here we go. Reader is a drama queen so much lol but I also have this headcanon (which is only my headcanon) that Jack’s simply addicted to sex and he can’t help himself sometimes, which was of course not treated back then as it is now. Anyway, at the end of the fic he’s got his dramatic speech, too xd Gotta love the Nelsons!

WORD COUNT — 2,750

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

NUMBER ONE GIRL

Jack entered the bedroom without knocking and began to undress himself, throwing his tie on the bed and kicking his shoes off of his feet. You sighed and continued applying the perfumed lotion on your body while sitting by the dressing table.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as his long fingers worked on the buttons of his shirt.

“Nothing,” you drawled out and started to brush your hair roughly with all the force but the pain it was causing you was surprisingly good… or at least distracting from the agony inside after hearing so much new gossip about your husband earlier that day.

Jack blinked a few times and moved the tie out of the bed to put it on the chair. He genuinely thought that his messiness had been the reason for your behavior. Then he leaned in with a sigh and put his shoes under the bed neatly.

“You’re not gonna ask me how my day was?” he looked at you, concerned.

“Same as always,” you shrugged your arms and he approached you but when he placed his hands on your shoulders, you flinched.

“(Y/N), what happened?”

“I’m not in the mood.”

“I’m not doing anything,” Jack chuckled. “I’m not in the mood either. Too tired,” he added and went back to undressing himself.

“Since when you’re not in the mood?” you snorted and turned around to lay your suspicious eyes on him. “You’re always in the mood, no matter how many whores you fuck on that day.”

“It’s about the whores again, is it?” Jack rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Just about one.”

“Who?”

“The whore’s name is Jack Nelson,” you crossed your arms, too angry to control yourself.

“Watch your mouth,” Jack pointed his finger at you like you were a disobedient child. “That is no way to address your husband.”

You wanted to tell him many things. You wanted to tell him that he has no right to call himself your husband and that he’s nothing but a dirty cheater breaking the rules you two had made a long time ago. But then your plan for the following day would be ruined.

Therefore, you only shrugged your arms and stood up to take off your silky dressing gown and lay down next to him in bed.

“What was that about? That time of the month?” he asked casually.

“Yeah,” you lied and he shook his head while chuckling.

Jack turned the light off and caressed your perfumed body under the nightgown. You let him do that but you were staring at the ceiling and you weren’t kissing him back.

“When I’ll be in San Francisco, I’ll buy you something pretty,” he promised before falling asleep with his arm around you.

You smirked.

On the following day Jack left for San Francisco for a few days on business. You fired all the maids, packed yourself and the kids to leave Boston. On the kitchen counter you left your husband a note.

Dear Jack, I know you’re confused and furious while reading this. I’m sorry. It was never my intention to cause you harm. You know that it was the opposite – I was the one taking care of you, being obedient, following your orders, looking the other way while you were killing people and fucking other women. I held my head up high and I loved you. I loved you. I still love you, Jack. That’s the worst, believe me. I wish I didn’t. I know you will never give me a divorce but it’s not something I want either. I haven’t run off to another man nor with an intention to get one. I know about a woman named Laura O’Hara. I know that you pay for her apartment at the Grand Hotel and that you visit her a few times a week. That you take her to the clubs and buy her pretty things. This was not a part of our agreement. When we were getting married, I told you that I can survive you seeing whores because one woman can’t possibly satisfy your needs. I made it clear back then that having regular mistresses was something I didn’t agree on and you promised. You made a promise only to break it. By doing that you made a choice and that choice was not me nor your family but Laura O’Hara. With all of my love and devotion I still hold for you, (Y/N)”

After three weeks spent in Wisconsin with your children, you started to run out of money and to be completely honest – you regretted your decision to disappear like that. But you couldn’t help being a drama queen and that was something Jack actually liked about you. He had been always saying that you were never a bore.

Wisconsin wasn’t a planned decision. The train there was leaving as the first one at the railway station so you bought the tickets. It was extremely far away from Boston and you haven’t told anyone about your whereabouts, not even your mother. It was making you feel guilty but you knew that Jack would interrogate her first.

Three weeks later, though, he still hadn’t found you. Perhaps he hadn’t even been looking…?

Either way, you were running out of money so you started to make purchases while using Jack’s checkbook that you had taken with yourself. It wasn’t like you couldn’t get a job but… honestly, why would you? The fact that you didn’t have a maid nor a nanny was dreadful enough.

Your children were slowly starting to ask when will they see their daddy again and you were missing Jack, too, but your pride would never let you go back home, especially when you suspected he had already invited Laura O’Hara to your house and your bedroom.

It was a boring evening after you put your kids in their beds and told them goodnight stories. Now you were sipping on your herbal tea and reading fashion magazines full of clothes you would probably never be able to purchase again.

When someone knocked upon the door, you furrowed your brow. You weren’t sure if you had heard that right but it was late and you didn’t have any friends in that town. Also, a normal person would ring the bell but they didn’t and you were grateful since it would wake up the children.

The knocking sound was heard again and you decided to check on the source before the person would start ringing the bell. You grabbed a gun you had stolen from Jack and went to the hall to open the door carefully.

You froze at first at the sight of a tall, handsome man wearing a long, black coat and an elegant hat. He had a contemptuous smirk on his lips and his eyes sparkled mischievously in the dim light of the outside lights.

It was your husband.

You pointed your gun at him as your eyes widened. Your knuckles went white from clutching on the revolver but Jack only chuckled and grabbed the gun just like that, using only one of his hands. Then he stepped inside.

“Pointing my own gun at me?” he teased and closed the door quite loudly, making you flinch. Then he pointed the gun back at you and tilted your trembling chin with it. You swallowed thickly as he pressed you to the wall. “Wis-fucking-consin? Are you fucking kidding me, (Y/N)? They weren’t selling tickets to Alaska?” he sneered at your choice of a place. “But even in Alaska I would find you, pussycat, you know? I have to admit I almost gave up looking for you on my own and wanted to engage my political friends but then… Then you did what stupid dolls always do. You made a foolish mistake and you started using my checkbook,” he laughed at you.

“It was not a mistake,” you whispered, trying to sound calm but it was all for nothing since you were trembling. Jack raised an eyebrow. “Maybe I wanted you to find me.”

“This time you crossed the line, doll,” Jack pulled the trigger and you closed your eyes as a few tears escaped. You knew it wouldn’t kill you but after hearing a loud click sound you sighed out of relief. “It wasn’t even loaded,” he added. “I knew it wasn’t, I could feel how light it was. What if it was some intruder and not me, pussycat? What would you do then with an empty gun?”

“The only intruder is you, Jack,” you said.

“Oh, is it?” He took a step back and hid the gun inside the pocket of his coat before taking off his hat and looking around your house. “What a fucking shit hole. You think you can provide for my children here? To give them the same opportunities in life as I would in Boston?”

“They are our children. I pushed them out of me, Jack. You weren’t even there. Coward,” you gritted through your teeth and he froze before slowly turning around and laying his cold eyes on you.

“I was always with you, just in another room. I don’t interfere with women's business,” he gave you a nonchalant excuse. “You got any whiskey here, pussycat?” He entered the living room.

“I don’t keep alcohol in this house,” you crossed your arms and followed him. He looked down at the table and snorted at the sight of an opened fashion magazine. Then he looked up at you, in your simple dress and hair ruffled after a whole day and something in his eyes softened. “I want you to leave, Jack,” you added, your voice already breaking. His face got serious again.

“I’m here, I found you. No need to play that game anymore, (Y/N),” he reminded you. “And if I were you, I’d start apologizing already ‘cause I wouldn’t want to be in your skin. You took my children from me and ran off to fucking Wisconsin,” he clenched his jaw.

“You know why I did that.”

“You should have talked to me about it,” he threw his hat and coat on the sofa.

“I couldn’t,” you admitted and looked down. “I… I wanted to but it… It hurt too much, Jack. I didn’t want to hear your lies, I couldn’t stand you lying next to me when you had been with her…”

“I wouldn’t lie to you, doll. I’d tell you the truth,” Jack spread his hands and smiled to himself after sitting down comfortably in the armchair.

“The truth?” you sniffled back your tears and laid your eyes on him. “That you love her? That she’s younger than me, never gave birth to a child, she’s more beautiful, she’s fashionable, you can take her to the clubs and introduce her to your business partners and she’s a charmer? That all the pretty things you buy for her look better on her body than on mine? That she’s not a moody bitch like me, she’s just grateful when you visit her? That she’s easier to handle? That she fucks better?” you looked away and a short silence occurred.

“I cut her off the same day I found out you were gone. That’s how much she meant to me,” Jack stated firmly after a while. “No whore is worth losing my family.”

“Should have thought of that earlier!” you snorted. “Also, I don’t care that you cut her off. There will be another. And I don’t get it, Jack. I fucking don’t get it because I’ve already given you so much freedom, everything I had. You think your one night stands don’t hurt me? They do, too but it’s bearable. This, though… This felt like a bullet straight through my heart,” you confessed and bit on your lower lip. “How can you spend your money on some bitch when you have a wife and children at home? How can you waste your money on some stranger?!”

“Laura was a one night stand but it got out of control at some point. She was in trouble, I offered her a few more meetings so I would pay her more, I pitied her. That was the only feeling I’ve ever had for her. Pity,” Jack cleared his throat. “Then she convinced me that having one mistress is actually better than having whores for one night.”

“Funny,” you crossed your arms.

“Because, as she said, the chances of getting a clap is smaller,” he finished.

“Jesus, that’s your excuse? Oh my God, I’m so grateful, Jack,” you ironized. “Thank you so much for caring about not bringing me any clap home! The best husband ever award goes to Mr. Jack Nelson of Boston,” you drawled out and sat down on the sofa to hide your face in your hands.

After a short while you felt him sitting next to you and putting his arm around you. You wanted to be strong enough to push him away but in fact you were grateful to finally feel his warmth.

“I love you and I want you to come back home,” he whispered and caressed your hair gently. “Not because I’m possessive or angry or that I care so much about my reputation because, honestly, fuck my reputation. I just want my babies and my wife home, you hear me? When I couldn’t find you for such a long time, I got scared, I got scared for real, that this time I won’t ever get you back,” he kept on talking. “When the bank contacted me about the odd purchases in Wisconsin, I felt so relieved. God, (Y/N), I missed you, baby,” he held your hands to take them away from your face, all wet from the silent tears. “Look at you, aw, look at you,” he raised your chin up and you furrowed your brows. “So pretty,” he added and you snorted. “No, I mean it, I mean it, baby. You know that I do,” he leaned in to kiss your salty cheeks. “You’re my number one girl, you know that you are. I’m sorry I hurt you, I wish I wasn’t… I wish I wasn’t like that but sometimes it’s… Sometimes it’s stronger than me. You have no idea how many days I promised myself in the morning that I would never again touch any whore but five minutes after entering the office I just… I just get this urge and… I don’t know, I don’t want to burden you with that but all my friends are jealous of me but in fact I hate it about me, I hate it so much because it keeps hurting you and I wish the most I could change that about me,” his voice broke and you furrowed your brow.

For the first time of all the years of your relationship Jack had confessed this to you.

“Mommy?” a childish voice made you both turn around to see your three children standing at the doorway, staring at you with widened eyes and holding on their blankets. “Daddy?!” their eyes sparkled at the sight of Jack. They all ran up to him and he smiled widely to hug them. You quickly wiped your tears off with the palm of your hand.

“What is daddy doing here?” your son asked.

“Daddy came here to take us back home,” you sniffled for the last time and caressed his hair. “Holidays are over.”

“Gee, finally!” your older daughter rolled her eyes. “I hated it here, daddy, you have no idea!”

You squeezed Jack’s hand and it was your silent agreement. You loved him too much not to forgive him, especially after such a confession. Every man had his weaknesses and it would be selfish to keep a man like him only to yourself. He was born to conquer the world. Who were you to lock him at home?

“Next time we’ll go to San Francisco together,” Jack promised your daughter. “I’m sure you’re gonna love it.”

MASTERLIST

#jack nelson x reader #lilysfiction

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moodymisty · 1 year ago

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Alright I gotta represent for us in the Rogal Dorn Simp Nation, Misty! This idea fell directly on my head from my old history nerd childhood, we’ve got stories of queens holding down the fort and being badass while the king is away so why not let the lady of the House of Dorn and the Imperial Fists kick some ass??? Dorn’s off doing y’know crusade shit etc etc and gets a frantic vox hail from Inwit (or whatever fortress world she was on) that they’re under attack. Luckily he’s done with whatever his assignment was or has somebody he can trust and leave it to so he can flip Phalanx in reverse and hop back to make sure nothing goes wrong. Only to find his beloved commanding the standing force of guardsmen and marines, not just holding it down but WINNING. On the outside he’s his usual stoic self like “psh yes of course I wasn’t worried, I never worry, this is something I expect her to be able to handle. I am proud tho” but internally he’s like “oh no this is hot” XD. Indomitable warrior queen decked out in armor he probably commissioned for her (always gotta be prepared) making battle plans and laying the verbal smack down on any captains or commissars who are questioning the competency of somebody ROGAL GODDAMN DORN chose to be with. Yeah I think that’d do a whole lot for him 😂

Having soft moments of reflection on his humanity matched against his beloved’s is delicious of course but so is meeting him where HE’S at, seeing how loving him and learning about him would change somebody. And getting to commit some grand old grimdark 40k VIOLENCE is always fun lol

[ 𝕸𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖞𝕸𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖞'𝖘 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙 | 𝕬𝖔3 ]

Author's Note: We are on the front lines for Wall Husband I will go down with this ship. Boring this bland that fuck everyone else we're right I'm stacking bricks around them

Summary: Stuck in a violent snowstorm on an Imperial Fist controlled planet being sieged, you take command for the first time while waiting for Dorn.

Relationships: Rogal Dorn/Fem!Reader

Warnings: Dorn is your future husband and Alexis Polux is your battle husband it's like a work husband but much more violent, Mentions of battle and death, Typical 40kness, I think I blacked out while writing this I'm sorry

Word Count: 2566

You had known from the very beginning of your courtship that Dorn had wished for you to be a link in his chain of command.

What you hadn't expected, was for your first time in leadership to be completely alone, surrounded by no less than fifty Astartes waiting for orders, and five hundred or more Guardsmen half frozen due to the horrid weather; With a multitude of tech priests working on the various machinery and equipment.

This sun up makes it a week since the siege had began, the distant sounds of bolter fire constant. Sometimes the ground shakes from explosions, pulling dust off the cracks in the brick walls.

Walking down the east hall, you step into the large room that has been made into a sort of 'central command' to coordinate the current forces, stuffed tight with a massive holotable and various tech priests scattered around it. Some are working on fixing any malfunctioning machinery, such as the vox equipment that has had trouble maintaining a signal even on-planet through the storm.

You look around to see if anything drastic has changed in your absence. In the moment, you notice a familiar face; A commissar from the beginning of this week. He has the most command over the Guardsmen under you, having been their only superior before the invasion. Any captains or other commissars had been made to report to him, up until now. His closest in rank subordinate had been killed in an explosion on the first day, and in a morose thought, you wonder if they had been any more palatable than he is.

"Any progress hailing the Phalanx?"

He gives you a curt shake of his head, looking over the shoulder of the tech priest operating the vox equipment. Another harsh whip of wind batters against the walls, howling and shaking the glass windows. It rattles them almost just as bad as the distant explosions do.

"Nothing more than a few seconds at a time. But it should be enough of a message for them to understand the planet is under siege." The Commissar speaks short and stiff, face frozen in a neutral, stoic gaze underneath his uniform and few day old facial scruff. You cross your arms.

He's on his best behavior now, considering his disrespect shortly after you'd taken command had nearly gotten his head rent from his shoulders. He hadn't realized he was speaking to the Lady of the Imperial Fists, but the Astartes that had been in your company to deliver the news of your ascension in duty hadn't given him the leeway he might've thought he deserved. He acquiesced command of his guardsmen to you quite quickly, after that. There has been nary a squeal from him since, nor any of his fellow commissars or guard captains.

"Good. Then we will hopefully have aid soon. For now we need to push them back from the storage buildings before my men run out of bolter ammo."

Not that they can't work with just their chainswords, but long range options remain vital considering the hostile terrain you're all working with.

You hear the sound of heavy footsteps approaching.

Alexis Polux, a veritable giant of a man, is nearly unable to get through even a doorway meant for fellow Astartes; Though not of his size. His armor is packed with snow at the seams, pauldrons slick with snow melted into a sheet of ice. His thin, blonde hair is quickly becoming wet at the tips, from where snowflakes are melting in the slight heat of the room. Anywhere he walks, he leaves chunks of melting sleet right behind. It has to be almost packed a meter high at this point out there, judging where the worst of it ends on his leg armor.

"Welcome back, Captain Polux." You smile in spite of the situation. It's something that Dorn had said he found- in his own words- 'curious' about you.

He holds his helm in his hands, walking closer to you. He brushes past the Commissar with not even the slightest tilt of acknowledgement. Unsurprising. He'd been there when the man had questioned your acting in Dorn's proxy. Polux is a man of a surprisingly amount of humility and softspokenness, but he is rarely forgiving.

"The storm is getting worse."

You hear another bout of wind howl through the brick and stone, as it continues to dump more snow onto the ground. While the Astartes can traverse it without much issue, it's becoming one for the Guardsmen. They've slowed their advance significantly as the snow reaches their knees.

"Even if we do get aid, they're going to be hard pressed to get anything more than small gunship planet-side; Though it goes both ways. We're all stuck out here in this mess." You open your mouth to continue, but Polux cuts you off.

"They are not built for the cold like we are."

You look up to the massive marine who's been serving as your second in command. Perhaps it wasn't an officially given title, but he's taken it well, and you could think of no better man for it. Especially given that the other Astartes respect him- which makes your orders have less of a weight to them, given they still have a degree of unfamiliarity with you. Your hands rest on the rim of the holotable.

"Finished my sentence for me." He hums as an odd sort of apology, the humor of your response going right over his head. When you let out a soft chuff of a laugh a few guardsmen curiously look at you for a moment.

"It was a compliment, Polux." He stares, eyes flicking across your face as he loudly thinks.

He really is a Son of Dorn.

You resist the urge to smile again, and look down at the holotable. It's been quite the week, but what was once another language has now become nothing but second nature. Putting theory to practice has proved quicker and less frightening that you'd thought, a week ago.

Though you still hope Dorn returns to you soon, turning away from the holotable to receive an update from a guardsmen holding a dataslate.

If anyone had ever asked, Rogal Dorn has remained no different than the stalwart nature he's always had. Though his captains and commanders can hear tenseness in his voice. No matter how phenomally well the Primarch can mask it.

It's been there since they'd first gotten the first of multiple emergency vox hails, only a few seconds long with a barely stable connection. But the few words that had gotten through had made it obvious that the planet was being sieged.

One of their bases was being sieged, a spit in the face of the Imperial Fists.

Even worse, Dorn has no idea as to your welfare.

He'd thought you safe there, the safest you could be other than with him or on Inwit, and now you stand on a world being laid waste with no way to contact anyone off world. He wonders deep in a part of his mind if it was an error on his part.

They're less than a day out now, watching the warp tear by. Dorn stands at the ship's bridge- unmovable. He'll see the planet any moment now when they leave Warp travel, and then can he prepare for what all is ahead of him.

He has the utmost faith in his men and you. However that doesn't mean that a small, human part of him doesn't worry at the idea of you being stuck mid-siege in an unknown location.

He taught you well. He taught you well. A mantra in his head no one else can hear. It is up to yourself to survive without him.

The siege isn't visible from orbit when they arrive, given the massive storm blocking large swaths of the land in a white blanket. It will making landing difficult, but the storm is clearing- at least according to the tech priest currently in charge. Not long after orders are given to begin battering the enemy's battleships as they strike back, shields taking a sizable hit. Nothing the Eternal Crusader and it's crew cannot handle.

But it doesn't feel as if the ice storm is clearing with the way the gunships struggle to remain stable, even with the most competent of pilot. Though they still manage to land on solid footing in one piece, the wind whipping their armor like a flog. Sheets of snow blow across snow already heavily packed onto the ground, covering up the large footprints of Astartes that had been here moments before them. The stone of the steps is barely visible through it all.

Dorn strides forward, the snow sticking to his boots as he trudges through it. He can hear bolter fire in the distance, as well as what seems like the highpowered cannon of multiple Baneblades. A small team of five Astartes follow behind him, two on each side and one directly behind. They have their bolters raised, ever vigilant even well in the safely of their own area of control. Wind rips through his cropped hair and howls in his ears, and for a split second, he perhaps regrets not wearing his helm. Even for a man of Inwit, this cold stings; He can hear the ice and snow crunching in the seams of his armor.

Stepping inside the cathedral, the first thing he notes is the myriad of supplies stacked inside in the aisles, safe from the elements. Guardsmen are looking after them, divvying them out amongst themselves, or delivering them to the Astartes in need of them. Of which there are a few- Imperial Fist guards from before the siege began. Most seem in decent condition; Dorn notes a lack of injuries amongst the Guardsmen and Astartes alike, and how there seems to be an established system amongst them.

He keeps walking through the nave, passing Guardsmen and Astartes who all give him a drop of the head when he passes.

"Primarch Dorn!"

An Imperial Fist Lieutenant calls to him, helmet in his hand. He has blood on his lips from where his skin has split, the cold having whipped his skin dry. Going down the few steps of the ambulatory, he gives a curt nod.

"Lady Dorn and Captain Polux are in the east hall. Central command has been established there."

He affirms to the warrior and turns, walking through the transept and down the hall. The one who'd spoken to him seems to have other duties, and stays behind on the ambulatory.

He can hear chatter in the large, arched hall- it increases until he reaches the door it's bleeding from, and he opens it and ducks to come through. It's just too short for him, but the ceiling inside can thankfully handle someone of his height. It's a thought that is always in the back of his mind.

When Dorn enters the room, the first thing his eyes focus on is you; Leaning over a massive holotable with Captain Alexis Polux standing firmly at your side. He stands like an unmoving guardian, a hand on the pommel of his chainsword. He's the closest to you out of anyone in the room- either out of his own will, or the gargantuan Astartes has incidentally created a personal area of clearance around you both with his presence alone.

"Dorn!"

You say, an audible pep in your voice. The Primarch walks closer and examines the scene in front of him. You appear uninjured, apart from your skin being slightly pallid from the cold.

The Primarch notices how everyone operates around you with a level of assiduity and efficiency, having been giving clear cut duties. There is no arguing, no fighting, everyone both in this room and all around the cathedral operate smoothly. You have a perimeter established, and you’ve been careful to push the advance but not stretch yourself too thin.

You've done well. That much is clear. A part of him wonders if you'd be able to clean this all up on your own, had he decided to simply give you the reinforcements and leave.

Dorn watches as you momentarily turn away from him to speak to an approaching commissar, and he finds himself listening to your confident and assured tone of voice. A thought crosses his mind.

You look beautiful.

All of your inquiries, curious questions and shaking confidence in your ability to lead have all mixed together, and while you might have made different choices than him, he cannot deny your effectiveness.

Dorn decides to speak before he distracts himself within his own mind further. A hold of your hand or to take a kiss of yours are things reserved for private, not here. As much as he might wish to.

"You appear to have done well for yourselves."

You look up at him and give a wry smile, while he glances at the holotable in-between you both.

"It could be worse. I have a squad of Astartes stuck behind enemy lines, but we've pushed the enemy back from the supply warehouses."

This planet has large city buildings that the wind rips around through, unlike the shorter ones of Inwit. The Astartes are fine in their sealed suits and higher body temperature, but the Guardsmen are all struggling. You more than likely are as well, despite holding strong. He can see the chill on your skin, the cracked skin of your lips.

Dorn's reinforcements will provide valuable support to yours, and with their might together, this planet with be rid of the siege.

You turn to order that the men currently in the battlefield get notice that Primarch Dorn has arrived, and that reinforcements are coming. Besides the soon coming tactical advantage, it will provide a well needed boost to moral. With the intense weather, it has surely been lowering. Though your smile and optimistic look in your eyes prove to be a valuable motivator.

No matter how good the orders, often times the way they're said and the person giving them are what matter most.

The Primarch looks to Captain Polux, and gives him a curt nod. The Astartes politely returns a dip of his head in thanks to the silent compliment of his duty. Dorn then looks back to you.

"You and any men injured will return to the Eternal Crusader." You let out a laugh and shake your head. He can hear the rattle of the bolter on your hip.

"Well now that I've started this, I'm kind of keen on seeing it finished before I leave."

Dorn's eyebrows raise ever so slightly, amused by you. He taught you well, he repeats again. Your command over a such a less than optimal situation has proven as such.

The Lady of the Imperial Fists has proven herself not only to be smart, beautiful, and full of humility, but to be stalwart and confident as well.

"Very well."

He'll stay at your side, and judging by his solid stance, Polux will as well.

Dorn very rarely has doubts, but your confidence and ability to adapt have solidified his thoughts that he had made the right choice in you. His 'sons' taking well to your command makes it far easier.

They will have to when you officially become his wife, after all. You have already accepted the title of Lady Dorn, he has no reason to not seal your bond. There hasn't been much else in his life he has been more sure of.

Ignoring any of his more personal desires in the back of his mind, Primarch Rogal Dorn abides by your request, eyes focused more on your lips as you smile at him.

#gee i wonder if my favorite astartes are obvious if you read my stuff #just wait until i write for Konrad and 90% of the fic is actually just Sevatar because I love him uwu #rogal dorn x reader #Rogal Dorn/Reader #primarch x reader #warhammer 40k x reader #reader insert #reader #mywriting

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