#sometimes the person in question is a straight woman or a gay man and only wants to talk about characters they’re attracted to

[paradoxspaceheater]

it literally doesn’t matter if someone only cares about male characters. mind your own business.

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

[witchthewriter]

Probably a weird question, but which HP characters do you imagine as LGBTQIA or/and POC? (Because let’s make Joke Rollling/She Who Must Not Be Named… ANGRY!! 😏)

I would LOVE TO! J.K.Rowling is Rita Skeeter to me. Also you should look up 'The Worst Witch,' because it's basically Harry Potter.

𝑯𝑬𝑹𝑴𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑬

Most definitely black, or what if she came from an Indian family who wanted her to marry and the Wizarding World was her escape? She studies hard because this new world is a second chance for freedom!

I also wish Hermione was bisexual/pansexual. She and Ginny, or even she and Cho would make such a gorgeous couple!

𝑳𝑼𝑵𝑨

I think it would have been cool if she was an albino (I am so sorry if that's not the right way to say it. I don't want to offend anyone). Her long white hair, pale skin, translucent lashes and brows. With beautiful purple eyes (this is actually how I imagined the Targaryens to look, not just having white hair).

She is definitely demisexual; only feeling attraction after developing a friendship first. I can also see Luna as trans!

𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑹𝒀

I've seen some fancasts and fanart of Harry with his ethnicity being Indian, or Pakistani. Which I'm completely okay with. Maybe even James is half black, and that makes Harry a quarter, so it's still noticeable - and another thing that the Dursley's are horrible to him about.

I think Harry is Bi/Pan - I have this headcanon that he had a crush on Oliver Wood, and Katie Bell when he was in first year.

𝑹𝑶𝑵

I honestly just see Ron as a normal hetero male. Honestly, there's nothing queer about him at all. But he is very supportive of his friends and family as well as the LGBTQIA+ community. He would always be at Pride with whoever asked him, and have anyone's back who needed it.

And the Weasley's are known for their red hair, so I think I would keep their heritage/ethnicity the same!

𝑫𝑼𝑴𝑩𝑬𝑳𝑫𝑶𝑹𝑬

YES, THIS MAN IS A GAY MAN. But I feel as though he's very monogamous; he will love one person, even if they do not love him back, for the rest of his life. Like with Grindelwald, Dumbledore couldn't stop the feelings he had - even though the man was turning into a pretty evil one.

𝑺𝑵𝑨𝑷𝑬

His sexuality always confused him. Because he was in love with Lily, truly in love with her. But sometimes he found James attractive, and he hated himself for it.

Shows himself as straight, but I think he's bisexual or at least bi-curious.

I think for his ethnicity, it can be the same. Pasty white skin, black hair, hooked nose. Maybe his family distantly came from a Mediterranean island?

𝑫𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑶

Oh, I think keeping Draco white ... and maybe all the Death Eaters white would be saying a lot. They're basically Nazi's. So that wouldn't change.

Draco is most definitely bisexual. He was so in love with Harry, feigning it as hate. Knowing everything about him, staring at him from across the room. When he was younger, it was easier to see it as hate. But then when he turned 16, he felt a pang of desire for the Potter boy and the self-loathing began.

𝑮𝑬𝑶𝑹𝑮𝑬

Falls in love very easily, but usually with a woman. Not to say he's completely hetero, I think he would be bi-curious, but I think he wants a wife with a big family.

𝑭𝑹𝑬𝑫

I actually think Fred would be polyamorous. The kind where the girlfriend is allowed another boyfriend, not like Sisterwives. No, no. Fred would be totally cool with having a wife who has a boyfriend, and they all live together. Fred's a little fruity as well. I think he's one of those people that 'don't like to put a label on things.'

𝑺𝑰𝑹𝑰𝑼𝑺

Pansexual. Pansexual. Pansexual. Doesn't care if you're trans, he loves a person for who they are, what they believe in, rather than what their bits are. One of the reasons why he ran away from home. He hates tradition.

I think the Black family could be from Sicily, I know that's not necessarily POC, I think with their darker features, they would easily reign from there. And Sicilians are known for always distinguishing themselves from any other Mediterranean culture.

𝑹𝑬𝑴𝑼𝑺

He always thought of himself as straight. But that was until he met Sirius and he developed such a big crush on him. I think Remus would be Biromantic towards women but Bisexual towards men.

𝑪𝑯𝑶

WHY THE HELL DID ROWLING CALL AN ASIAN PERSON, "CHO CHANG," PUT THEM IN THE "SMARTEST HOUSE". It's racism. That's how I see it. She does this with many characters, and it's ridiculous.

Anyway, I have no problem with Asian representation. But what if Cho was Native American? (I know Rowling made that whole other school but it was really problematic so to me, it doesn't exist).

Or have Cho as Chinese (maybe give her a proper Chinese name), and we can have another main character...like Hermione, or Katie Bell as Native American. I just think it would be interesting to see an exchange student from another country as well.

𝑮𝑰𝑵𝑵𝒀

Lesbian. Poly lesbian. All those boys she went out with in Hogwarts were actually just beards. And she was having a secret relationship with another girl in her year. However, the polyamory doesn't come out until she's in her 20s.

𝑩𝑰𝑳𝑳

Polysexual; sexual or romantic attraction to people with varying genders. Polysexual orientations include bisexuality, pansexuality, omnisexuality, and queer, among many others. Basically, he can be attracted to anyone. But Fleur was the one who captured his heart fully and wholely.

𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑳𝑰𝑬

Asexual; I know he isn't in the movies (WHY?!) but he spends all his time with Dragons, and I think that will always be his main love and passion.

[marblecakemix]

hey, about your blog intro you said that you don't hate trans people but you hate their ideology, do you mind explaining what you mean?

Not at all! It came out kinda long, I hope you don't mind.

The first thing I hate the most about gender ideology is "trans kids". I'm strongly against stuffing children with hormones that their young and still developing bodies do not need. I believe that children cannot give consent to irreversible hormonal therapy and surgeries. Especially when hormones have a huge impact on their mental and physical development (just look at how different levels of estrogen in a woman's body change how she acts). A lot of adults aren't sure about transitioning and sometimes regret parts of it, how can a child make such a difficult and life-altering decision? There are safer and healthier ways of testing the waters (that should last at least 2 years to be sure), like changing the style of clothes, using different pronouns and assimilating more with the opposite sex. Why is that not the first thing recommended to those kids?

And to the people who deny any of that happening. Today at the mall I saw a 14/15 y/o girl on testosterone (I and my friend could tell by how uncharacteristically low her voice was). She clearly was not doing well, she had that empty look in her eyes (speaking from experience). She was maybe a head smaller than me (I'm 155cm/5'1) and she'll most likely never grow taller and will probably end up obese, because of taking testosterone so early. In my country gay marriage is illegal, but you are free to butcher a child's natural growth with hormones? That does not seem right.

The second thing is how transness is presented nowadays. You don't need to have gender dysphoria (even though it's the first thing you would need to be diagnosed with a decade ago to transition which was the essential thing in transsexualism)! You don't even have to want to change at all! Now all you need to do is to check the criteria of "feeling trans/like different gender" which is deeply rooted in sexism and operates on stereotypes. What does "feeling like a woman" mean? Women-feelers want to wear all pink, revealing clothing, have big bouncy boobs, act stupid, and be annoying? That sounds pretty sexist to me. Same with "feeling like a man". A man is not someone who likes bears, fishing, and cars, we all know that. You can't feel like a man/woman, because sex is not based on feelings, interests, and personality which the opposite is one of the fundamentals of being trans according to gender ideology. The most harmful thing I see that comes out of it is women (usually identifying as non-binary) say things like, I don't feel like a woman, because I have a complex personality and can think on a higher level than a toddler. That's sexism all throughout that gender ideology supports wholeheartedly.

Another thing is borderline occultic behaviors I see in gender ideology believers. They pray on the young and vulnerable and tell them that the irreversible change to their body will fix all their problems (that have usually nothing to do with gender dysphoria). The activity discourages people from looking into research on topics that questions the ideology and show the negative side of it. They vandalize, attack, and kill people who are against their ideology. They expect that their minority rights will have more power than 99% of the world's population. They usually are only or mostly friends with themselves. They advocate for children to be taken away from their families just because the family is questioning their child's behavior. Straight-up lying about statistics and research results like how the newest research says that people who transition are more likely to take their own lives than before transitioning and I don't think you'll ever hear about that from gender ideologist. There's a lot more, but I can't think of another example now.

Those are the main reasons why I hate gender ideology. I hope that this answers your question. If you want to ask about anything more specific, go ahead!

[cerise-on-top]

do you have any rudy hcs lying around? asking for a friend 👀

Hey, there! Yeah, I was able to come up with some!

Rodolfo HCs

He actually prefers men over women. He will still date women, he has had crushes on them, after all, but he more often than not dreams about being with another man. This has caused him some distress in the past. Considering he realized he liked men very early on, he thought he was gay back then. However, later on he developed a crush on a girl and so he thought he was straight after all. The realization that he might be straight broke his heart because he really wanted to be into men back then. Yes, he was unaware that you can like more than one gender, so he felt bad when he had that crush on that girl. It took him another few years until he realized he could be bisexual. He met another guy who was quite the flirt, having flirted with men and women alike. Rodolfo didn’t mind that, but did question that guy about it. Once he had the answer of simple bisexuality, it clicked and he felt absolutely stupid for not having realized it sooner. To this day he’s friends with that person and sometimes still meets up with him.

Although he’s severely touch starved, he’d rather die than admit to that. No amount of touch could ever satisfy him. Besides, he believes that, just because he’s a man, he shouldn’t really be held in a comforting way, especially not by a woman. He’s a strong, protective guy, he has to be the one doing the protecting, and that includes doing the holding during cuddling as well. Sometimes he might be a bit grumpy because he just really wants to be held, especially when his stress levels are at an all time high. However, he can’t really swallow his pride and outright ask for it either, his partner would have to be the one to come up to him and make the suggestion. Fairly early on, he might refuse such advances from a female partner, but once he knows she won’t think any less of him for that, he’s more willing. If his partner is a man, however, then he’d be honored. Rodolfo genuinely believes that every man out there believes the same thing that he does in that regard, so he can appreciate a guy “willing to swallow his pride”. He doesn’t outright ask for cuddles, he will only hint at the fact he wants some with him. He could literally have a sleepless night, with being held being the only remedy out there, and he’d still not ask for any.

He’s not at all an outgoing person anymore. He used to be when he was a child, making friends left and right with just about any kid he ever found, but he outgrew that phase. No one knows why, not even he does, but he sometimes does miss being a people person, it would make some things a lot easier. However, he does have Alejandro in his life, who is an outgoing person that knows lots and lots of people. Whenever Rodolfo needs anything he doesn’t need to look for too long, Alejandro is usually right there. The two go way back with each other, having known one another for almost 20 years now. Whenever Rodolfo needs anything, Alejandro is the first person to know since he knows he can count on him. Although he usually asks Alejandro for someone who might be doing this specific thing or knows how to do it well, it’s usually Alejandro who helps Rodolfo regardless. Those two have grown very close with each other and can tell what the other needs without them even saying anything. Rodolfo does truly appreciate Alejandro for that, he’s never had a better friend than him. When Rodolfo moved, all Alejandro asked for was some beer and watching some movies together. Rodolfo would literally and figuratively die for Alejandro, but the latter usually tells him there’s no need for that. He’d much rather have Rodolfo take a break.

[henrioo]

CIS PEOPLE CANNOT DECIDE THE PARAMETERS FOR SOMEONE TO BE TRANS OR NOT

I'M FUCKING TIRED OF A CIS COMING TO ME AND SAYING I'M NOT A MAN BECAUSE I HAVE LONG HAIR, BECAUSE I LIKE DRESSES OR HIGH HEELS

THIS IS MY FUCKING LIFE AND I WILL CHOOSE HOW TO LIVE IT, I WILL CHOOSE HOW I WANT TO BE IDENTIFIED, I HAVE CONTROL OVER MY LIFE, NOT YOU

After this scream I'm going to vent a little because even though I'm a hard rock to break, it doesn't mean that things don't affect me

If they don't hurt me anymore, it will be very difficult for you to hurt me, you know, especially about my trans experience. It's hard enough to offend me, so getting hurt is even harder

But it doesn't mean it doesn't affect me, and it affects and affects me, frustrating me, making me mad at a level where I often question how someone is so stupid

There's this woman (cis straight) and we were from a common group and we became friends, everything was fine, we had similar tastes, etc

But she did something that really irritated me, which was writing Mpreg, if you don't know why this is transphobic, etc. I genuinely don't feel like explaining now, but feel free to send me a message and I'll explain it better later and no, it's not necessarily forbidden to write Mpreg because of this, ok? It's more complicated than it looks

But I ignored it and like I said, mpreg is transphobic but being a writer or artist who uses it doesn't make you one, it's different, you know

But I started to notice the signs, one of the first was how she REFUSED to write trans men when it came to mpreg, she said she simply didn't like it and felt it wasn't her style, She also said that she would much rather have men giving birth through the ass than using a natural biological process that is men giving birth through a vagina

You may not see transphobia in this but it's fucking weird

And then I also started to realize that she was strangely obsessed with gay ships, to the level of just liking them and refusing to imagine them with women or accept other couples

It was also very strange that she EXCLUSIVELY liked gay couples, seriously, both the extreme of only liking LGBT couples and only liking straight couples is problematic, ok?

And now I found out that she also came up with this talk about Yamato being a woman, and I just started to get pissed off because it wasn't just like, oh that's my opinion, She spoke in a way that was like, this is a fucking truth and if you don't believe it, you're seeing something that isn't there

AND HOLY SHIT, WHAT IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE WANTING TO DICTATE WHAT MAKES SOMEONE BE TRANS OR NOT???

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY THAT A CHARACTER IS NOT TRANS WHEN YOU ARE A FUCKING CIS??? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO BE TRANS

And all her arguments were bullshit about Yamato only being inspired by Oden, what a holy shit it already happened, right, use a real argument, holy shit

I'm just fucking tired of people like this

People who aren't even trans thinking they know what it's like to be trans, who know how trans people manifest themselves and expose themselves

No, no, Yamato took showers with men because he likes Luffy, ahem, of course that was it

No, no, Yamato continued using male pronouns even after saying he no longer wanted to be Oden due to Oda's mistake, of course

No, no, Yamato being called son by Kaido himself which only shows that his father knew and supported, besides showing the rest of the world calling him daughter is not a parallel for trans people who are in the closet and can only come out to their parents and sometimes not even that, Of course not, Oda would never think of that pfft

I'm tired, tired of seeing stupid people, because seriously, a person is not stupid because they don't know something, a person is stupid because they refuse to learn something

And transphobes and homophobes are the stupidest people on the face of the earth because they will always refuse to learn

And besides being funny, it's kind of sad, because they never keep it to themselves, they always need to attack others to prove it

Well I never think anyone reads my huge posts but I like to vent on them because I like tumblr

So my dear trans colleague, don't be discouraged, don't be afraid, don't give up

Because you are a star that will still shine brightly in this sky and these idiots will be far below you, millions of light years away, seeing only an illusion of your light, because you will be so badass and so brilliant, that they won't be able to come close to admire your true light

[lananakay]

Why Do (Straight) Women Produce and Consume Gay Media? A Think Piece-

AMC's Interview With The Vampire Season 2 is about to wrap up. Once again, the fact that "The Vampire Chronicles", (which is well known for its homoeroticism) were written by a woman and the fandom is largely composed of women has brought back the questions: "Why do straight women write stories centering around gay men?", "Why do straight women ship straight male characters together?", and of course "Why do straight women like BL and gay porn?" These questions are often followed by criticisms, judgment, and accusations. Well, as a woman who has been a fan of homoerotic/romantic media involving men, I would like to share with you my self-assessment and input.

We need to get a few disclaimers out of the way first:

To start, this is the internet so I feel like I need to point out that when I say "straight women" I mean some, not all. it also needs to be said that I am just a random person. I am expressing my opinion and sharing my perspective on this topic as a Graysexual, Hetero-Romantic, Cisgender Woman, who sometimes consumes homoerotic and romantic content involving men. The following is a assessment drawn from looking inward at myself and assessing the actions of others. My words are my own and I do not speak for all (or really any) women.

it goes without saying that anyone can enjoy any story. Not being a part of a community does not mean you cannot or should not enjoy the stories that come from them. Sharing stories is a way humans connect, teach, and learn. However...

A gay man being uncomfortable or feeling fetishized when straight women write gay romances, ship men together, or watch gay porn is VALID. The fetishization of people in the LGBTQIA+ community happens regularly. The fact is, some women are weird, creepy, and even downright disrespectful. Some women do, in fact, have a fetish for gay men and gay relationships and this post is in no way suggesting those people don't exist. Fetishization is also very prominent in communities of color and, as a woman of color myself, I have experienced this first hand and understand that icky feeling. It is harmful, hurtful and is something I plan on making a post about in the future. Fetishization is the flipside of any "ism" or "phobia". Take a celebrities for example. Both fans and anti-fans are two sides of the same coin. They follow, interact with, talk about, and even obsess over the celebrity, but one is motivated by positivity and the other by negativity. It's the same with fetishization, both "phobes"/"ists" and fetishizers dehumanize a person based on superficial characteristics, ignorance, and stereotypes. One manifests itself in hate and the other in obsession (sexual or otherwise). This post specifically will examine why a woman who DOES NOT have a fetish for gay men and relationships would compose or enjoy homoerotic media.

Let's start with the question: "Why do women write stories (erotic or otherwise), centering around gay men?"

TLDR: Ease, Escapism, Heterosexuality, and just a touch of Self Hate:

Growing up I loved writing. I wrote many short stories and, like Anne Rice (author of Interview With The Vampire), almost all my protagonists were male. Some of them were gay. Why is that? As women, we have to learn to deal with and battle self-hate. This is true for any minority. When you grow up an outlier, you have to contend with hate, both blatant and inadvertent, that seeps into you from all directions. It becomes easy to write a story from the perspective of the standard, the accepted, the free. Not only were a lot of my characters men, a lot of them were not black either. Although I didn't realize it at the time, doing this was a type of escapism. The opportunity to imagine existing in the world without being bound by social and societal limitations. Just changing your Gender can allow you to live in a different time and still be seen as a person. Imagine traveling freely without thinking about the limitations and consequences a person of your race, religion, or disability might face. You also don't have to adjust your writing to justify how your character is allowed in their setting because, realistically, they would never be accepted or permitted.

Anne herself said this about writing Lestat DeLioncourt, that he was the man she "secretly wanted to be", pointing out that he was free to do the things he wanted without the limitations of being a woman. We see this a lot in written media. Think of "The Outsiders", "Harry Potter", and "Frankenstein". None romantic, but all best-selling books surrounding male protagonists, but written by women.

As for why a lot of women write gay male characters specifically, I think it mostly has to do with self-insertion, but also that escapism again. Moving back to Anne specifically, both Louis and Lestat were self-insert characters, and even though their genders don't match her own, they are still her and thus attracted to men. Honestly, I feel like sometimes it's that simple. Not only that, but when both characters are men, you don't see that societal power imbalance that you naturally see between men and women. He doesn't treat him "like a woman". They are naturally equals and that alone provides an escapist romance. (When I say naturally equals I mean at a base level excluding things like class, race, etc.)

Next Question: Why do women fantasize about and ship straight male characters in gay relationships?

TL:DR Because they're basically already in an ideal platonic relationship. The shippers just like to add some spice.

Another Set Of Disclaimers:

This is purely speculation! I don't ship and don't have really any experience with this so I'm speculating on why I think (a non-fetish having) straight woman would ship 2 straight male characters.

This section is only referring to FICTIONAL characters. I find the shipping of real people off-putting in general (regardless of gender) and it's not something I want to get into here.

Continuing the theme of poorly written female characters: The fact that many shows and movies fail "The Bechdel Test" makes it no surprise that, in many stories, the lovers have no love. Again, I'm not a shipper. However, while reading about different ships between (presumably) straight male characters, I assed their points of view and pondered on why they would see two straight male characters and think they would make a good romantic pairing. The common denominator seemed to be the connection between the characters. Frequently, it seems the love interest, girlfriend, or wife of a male protagonist is little more than background. We know nothing about her and in turn, the protagonist seems to know nothing about her. He spends barely any time with her and she's often just a reference used for motivation. When they do spend time together the dialogue is minimal and the interaction superficial. Outside of her proximity to the protagonist, there is nothing to suggest they love each other.

However, their best friend? Their sidekick? Their frenemy? They know everything about them, they know their pain and struggles, they know their joy and peace. They are there for every important moment and are usually the ones to catch them when they fall and share in the triumph when they win. Not to mention the power dynamic again. They are seen (and see each other) as equals.

Now, if you want to write a fanfiction (erotic or not) and insert yourself into it, whose shoes would you rather be in? Even the antagonist or villain has more of a connection with the main character than their love interest. They know everything about them and spend more time and energy on them, even if it's trying to take them down.

In general, (fictional) women spend a lot of time on the back burner of a man's life. The things I am about to say are GROSS GENERALIZATIONS, but ones regularly perpetuated in the entertainment industry. Men and women can't be friends. Men see women as something to be pursued and won. Men don't talk to women about things important to them, they don't share in or care about their interests, and in the event they do, it's to meet that goal of winning her. Once they succeed and the wedding ends, she becomes a possession to be safeguarded or, more likely, a nag and a burden. She's then seen as that man's weakness, the "old ball and chain", a responsibility and someone he is forced to spend time with. Constantly and consistently the drag, the nag, and the butt of the joke.

Who wants to be that? I'd rather be the Chip to Dale, the Spock to Kirk, the Sasuke to Naruto, or even the Joker to Batman. To be someone they want to be around, talk to, and be with for more than just sex and societal obligation. When shippers see that meaningful connection between characters, it makes sense to dream up a scenario where those two just end up together.

Or maybe they just wanna fantasize about two attractive characters doin' it and I'm over analyzing. Like I mention, this is speculation because I'm on the outside looking in on this one.

Remember, the above is NOT a critique of real men or men in general. I love men and masculinity. This post is about media and fiction. Lets also remember that there are plenty of great hetero-romances that are the total opposite of the above gross generalizations. A couple of my favorite pairings include the 1960's portrayal of Morticia and Gomez from "The Addams Family" and Stan and Francine from "American Dad!" I love me some Francine!

Last but certainly not least! Why do straight women watch gay porn?

TL:DR: The male gaze ruining straight porn, insecurity, and liking men being something gay men and straight women have in common.

I have the most experience with this one. As some of you may know, I used to collect gay adult films. So, why as a straight woman would I want to watch gay porn? It must be a fetish, right? I must have some weird obsession with gayness, right? Actually, it's not that deep and really simple once you spell it out.

Let's start with the obvious: Porn is made for men. They are the target audience and the main consumer. Straight porn is targeted towards straight men and focuses on the women while the man is in the background, his looks a bygone afterthought.

Lesbian porn is also geared toward straight men and focuses on the woman...because it's all women! It is often an example of fetishization and hyper-sexualization of the queer community as well. However, women who are sexually attracted to other women also consume lesbian porn for obvious reasons. They like vaginas and may not be particularly fond of penises. Plus, I'm sure if you like vaginas, two might be better than one.

Speaking of genitalia. I'd like to point something out. On some of the more popular adult sites, If you are looking for a woman doing "solo" activities you would find it in the straight category. It seems anything pertaining to women and sex is seen as "straight", including a lot of lesbian porn. However, if you look for a man doing "solo" activities you will mainly find that in the "gay" category. The assumption seems to be that if you are on the site you are a man, and if you're watching a heterosexual scene or a scene with women, you're presumed to be a straight man. However, if you're looking at a man with no woman in the scene, you must be a gay man. Women seem to be rarely considered. So as a woman, most of my time is spent in the gay section even If I'm not looking for homoerotic content and just want to see a good-looking naked man.

Moving on. Gay porn is made for gay men, so men are the focus of the scene and therefore more attractive. Do you know who else is sexually attracted to men? Straight women. Do you know who also doesn't want to watch porn where the focus is a woman? Straight women. Do you know who also thinks 2 penises are better than one? (Some) Straight woman. It makes 1 to 1 sense that some straight woman would like gay porn for a lot of the same reasons gay men do simply because we are both sexually attracted to men.

While collecting adult films, one of the series I really liked was called "Straight Style." It was (obviously) produced by a gay label and the premise of the film was to see how the models interact with and have sex with women. I enjoyed this series because it gave me a chance to watch heterosexual scenes, but because the target audience was gay men, the women weren't moaning obnoxiously loud which was (and is) a 100% turn off for me. They just had regular sex and the male model was the focus rather than the camera being all up in the girl's cooch and boobs the whole time. I was also eventually able to find a label that made porn "for women" which again provided heterosexual porn focused on the man with the women acting realistically and not dramatically for the male gaze. The women were also "normal". Meaning they weren't hyper sexualized with extensive work done. They just looked like everyday women. Which was oddly comforting and brings me to last point, which can also serve as an answer to all three questions.

Insecurity.

During my self assessment this came up over and over again. I think that subconsciously my insecurities played a role in my enjoyment of homoerotic media. Humans constantly compare themselves to one another. It's natural. However, women (and especially young girls) have pressure placed on their looks and compare themselves to others much more frequently and sometimes to an unhealthy extent. There has been more than one occasion where I've daydreamed about a guy I like or a celebrity and then gotten sad because I know he doesn't like girls like me. I've watched straight porn and (aside from the antics of an overdramatic leading lady...and vaginas), been turned off because "that's obviously what men like, and that's not me." With gay romance, I'm not comparing myself to a anyone because there's nothing to compare. And, for the third time, I can (sometimes) still get the dynamic of feminine and masculine energies in love without the power imbalance. Simply put, I can immerse myself in the story and enjoy it more because my insecurity is on the back burner.

I feel like this was true for a younger me. As I've matured and grown into an adult my insecurities have lessened considerably.

All in all the reason for this post is to offer some perspective and give a point of view that may not have been considered.

[ikebanaka]

One Piece sexuality/gender headcanons:

Luffy: aroace (captain is a gender, right? Oh, it’s not? Well, man sounds good)

Zoro: gay when he bothers to care but mostly indifferent (cis man but like, slightly to the left. He got lost on his way to Enby Island, ended up on Dude Island, and went ‘yeah okay this works’)

Nami: lesbian (cis woman)

Usopp: bi (trans man)

Sanji: bi (possibly a cis man but the uncracked egg vibes are strong. Genderfluid is also a distinct possibility)

Chopper: who knows? He’s a reindeer with no intellectual reindeer peers (trans boy. Yes female reindeer have antlers)

Robin: still figuring out her identity now that she has the leisure to think about it, but leaning towards pansexual and Ambiguously Woman

Franky: technically a cishet dude who is honestly kind of disappointed that men do nothing for him and that he doesn’t care for the idea of making his body look female. What a waste of his awesome skills and attractiveness! But every trans person he knows has decided that transhuman counts as trans, so he’s a cisgender trans guy

Brook: cishet by preference, but occasionally a mature man will catch his eye

Jinbei: elder gay (cis)

Vivi: bi (enby but identifies with the female experience and uses she/her)

Iceberg: gay (cis man (I see your fancy lipstick sir, you’re rocking it))

Ace: aroace but loves the concept of romance as applied to others (he raised himself in bar fights where guys said men were strong and Ace was strong therefore he was a man, never bothered to question it because he had the man parts. Once he learned more about gender he shrugged like yeah okay but I like all this man’s pride and older brother shit so why change)

Sabo: aromantic bisexual, leaning towards women. Feels honored when someone loves him romantically, and is sincerely sorry that he can’t reciprocate, but sometimes life is pain (cis man)

Law: bi, leaning towards men, whenever he remembers that sex etc is a thing (cis man)

Penguin: straight (trans man. Keeps his severed tits in a Tupperware container in the fridge for shits and giggles, courtesy of Law)

Doflamingo: I said gay but he canonically had a thing with Viola so upon further reflection, bi (cis. Human garbage)

Corazon: bi leaning towards men (cis)

Roger: bi except it came as a total surprise to him because he thought he was gay until he met Rouge (cis)

Shakky: bi but mostly into women (trans)

Rayleigh: bi but mostly into men (cis)

Coby: gay (trans)

Alvida: lesbian who hasn’t figured it out yet (cis)

Buggy: gay but dear god men are awful (gnc cis man)

Shanks: pansexual but only ever seems to be romantically interested in men (cis)

Marco: bi, leaning towards men sexually but women romantically, badly hidden romantic (cis)

Izou: gay but at what cost (cis)

Thatch: straight??? But like, sometimes a guy can work it (cis)

Mihawk: being gay is suffering, so it’s a good thing that’s his whole brand (cis)

Perona: girl you are a lesbian get it together (cis)

Lola: bi, leaning towards men (cis)

Honorable mentions: Yamato and Okiku, the canon trans people that I think are bi and straight respectively, Ivankov our queen who defies labels, and Inazuma, the canon genderfluid character who I think is bi

[polyamorouspunk]

sleepover friday thing and im sorry if i've already sent you an ask about this, i have the worst memory in the world at the best of times. with that out of the way... how do i cope with my orientation doing a 180? my whole life, starting from when i was about 10, ive identified as a lesbian. i exclusively dated girls (or people who identified as girls at the time anyway) and non-binary people. i was only attracted to girls and non-binary people. when i thought about being married in the future, it was always to a woman or non-binary person.

then i met my soulmate and he was a man. i dont use the term lightly either -- im talking about love at first meeting, spending time together as often as possible, sharing secrets, the whole thing. i plan on getting a tattoo dedicated to him. i still called myself a lesbian, just with one exception, because he was the only man i ever loved. and then he went dormant and hasnt come back (hence the tattoo).

then i started noticing i sometimes got crushes on men but not very often. now it's a couple years later and it struck me the other day that i don't think i'm sexually attracted to women anymore. just men and non-binary people. and it really threw me for a loop. ive been a lesbian my whole life but now im not? i'm almost exclusively (sexually) xlm now. which is certainly hard to deal with since i'm dating someone who is woman-aligned.

this is really long im so sorry i didnt mean to ramble so much akskfkf but do you have any words of advice for someone whose identity flipped on its head and feels lost now

I doubt that I’m going to say anything revolutionary here, so I’m just going to talk.

Things change for everyone. Different things change for different people. I don’t want to discount the experiences of certain people like men who are attracted to cis women exclusively, women who are attracted to cis men specifically, men who are only attracted to men, women who only attracted to women, etc. When I say stuff like “sexuality is fluid” it’s in the same way you say “gender is fluid” knowing that for some people it 100% isn’t, but it CAN be.

Some people have a very hard time accepting that sexuality can be fluid. It’s been pointed out before that some people are all for playing around with your gender and calling yourself a woman as a cis man in drag or calling yourself a liquid because your gender is so fluid or going “none of the above” in those gender questions or any amount of things like that. But as soon as someone implies that sometimes you can be a lesbian and sometimes you can be a gay man and those things can coincide or change certain people get really up in arms.

Complicated sexualities and gender have been around longer than any of us, and certainly around longer than tumblr and the internet. Perhaps my own favorite example is talking about how bisexuals and lesbians used to fall under the same or at least a more similar label in Stone Butch Blues. Before the phenomenon of lesbian separatists.

Bisexual lesbians and pansexual gays and all those kinds of things, while perhaps POPULARIZED by social media, existed long before that. Why is the idea that trans people existed before tumblr not a novel idea but the fact that perhaps wlw were all lumped under the phrase “lesbian” because there were women with more complicated sexualities like might fit under the label “bi lesbian” today wild and unacceptable to some people?

The idea that you can call yourself a lesbian exclusively but have some exceptions or call yourself gay exclusively but have an exception or hell even call yourself straight but have an exception is not a new thing. I, personally, love straight cisgender male content creators who say shit like “I’m not gay but I would make out with that man”. Cracks me the fuck up. I want more of that shit. But suddenly if a lesbian says “I’m not straight but I would make out with that man” it’s like woah woah woah are you sure you’re REALLY a lesbian?

Plenty of people who are straight/gay/lesbian fully accept that you can ID as one of those things and still use that label if you have on exception or even a few. Some do not, and will say if your thoughts even stray from your assigned sex of attraction then you are not allowed to use that label.

There will people who will say you can’t call yourself a lesbian if you’ve had sex with a man before even if you didn’t enjoy it. Gold star lesbian mentality.

The idea of sexuality being fluid is sadly a controversial one, as is every facet of being “in the community”. But for many people it is.

I see it a lot like coming to terms that you are not in fact cisgender. You go your whole life believing, truly believing, that you are a cis girl perhaps, until suddenly one day you realize you are NOT. Maybe there weren’t “signs” that you were trans along the way. Maybe one day it just hit you like a ton of bricks. What do you do? How do you cope?

Well. How do you cope with any other thing that hits you like a ton of bricks? How do you cope with someone you thought loved you deciding to dump you and never speak to you again in a day? How do you cope with being fired from a job you felt so secure in and planned on being in for at least another decade? How do you cope with the unexpected death of a loved one?

Over time. You try not to stress it. You try and move through your days by keeping it in the back of your mind until time has dulled that immediate pain enough for you to reconsider. The pain isn’t going to go away. But it can become manageable. You cannot deal with things if you are screaming and crying and hyperventilating and throwing things. You need to wait until you’re not doing any of those things in order to deal with the issue at hand, for a vivid and extreme example.

What does it mean to you to be xlm? I call myself a bi lesbian. On this blog I call myself trans masc and mlm. On my main I’m a [girl] and a bi lesbian. To me that means I, Savanna, personally will have sex with people who have a vagina, as someone who also has a vagina. Be they trans men, trans women, cis women, nonbinary/other. I do not like the idea of having sex with an actual flesh and blood and cummy dick, HOWEVER I’m open enough to say “I haven’t really been in a position in my life right now where someone has wanted to jam their dick inside of me, so I haven’t really had to worry about that. If it comes to that point, I can’t say for sure that I’m going to be like ‘ew no a dick’ even though I do not like dicks. Depending on the person and the situation I might be willing to make an exception.” And hey. There are people I might be with who have a vagina that I might just be like hey you know what? I don’t want to have sex. For whatever reason.

Your partner is woman-aligned, so I’m sure in your mind that’s not something you’re aesthetically attracted to right now. But sexually might you be? Do you think you’re having another exception to your sexuality like you did before?

Try your best not to worry about it and try to come to any conclusions until you’ve given it some time. I’m not sure how long it’s been since you came to this realization, maybe it’s been a few days, maybe it’s been a few weeks. But take the time you need to not make an emotional response to it in regards to your current relationship. Do what you’re doing and talk to other people about it. When you’re ready, you should talk to your partner about it. Perhaps there’s accommodations and arrangements that can be made. I’ve said before even though I’m transmasc here like if a cishet guy wanted to date me only as his gf I would be willing to compromise on my gender expression for that most likely. My gender isn’t a huge deal to me. Things like that.

Take it slow and take your time. Don’t make any rash decisions. Talk it out. Don’t worry about feeling like you “made a mistake” or are “living a lie”. We wouldn’t tell someone who came out as trans things like that, so much as gender changes and/or is fluid so is sexuality.

[cowboyjen68]

Is it strange or even.. "wrong" that I'm a gay man who's questioning if he might be bisexual, and considering searching out a very butch bi woman to experiment with? I think my attraction might be fully based on masculine presentation, rather than gender, but hell I don't even know if bi butch he/hims exist lol. Sorry for the weird question! I hope your road trip goes well! The haircut looks great 💜

I know it feels weird to question yourself after thinking you had it figured out but the truth is, human sexuality can be confusing in a world where a lot of mixed signals are embedded in our culture and sometimes even worse with in our greater LGBT+ community. There is often a lot of pressure to "pick a side".

Moreso than when I when I was coming out in the 1990's there is a lot of shame and judgment placed on people who experiment or are curious about sexual experience outside of what sexuality they eventually land on. It was (and is) common for lesbians and gay men I "grew up" with in my 20's to have a past that involved dating, marrying or having sex with the opposite sex before finally understanding their sexual and emotional attraction to the same sex. Some people never need that experience, others are curious and still others need to see what the "other" is all about in order to come to terms with their sexuality. None of these decisions are bad. Past actions do not define our sexuality but can sometimes be the calalyst that makes us see the truth.

I believe, based on myself and my friends and years of talking to many people, that our sexuality is innate but that doesn't mean we all understand it from the beginning. We aren't given a manual and the human experience is often one that involves trial and error to figure things out. And that includes discovering the difference between sexual and emotional fulfillment and just tolerating something because we think we are supposed to like it.

I also believe that butch is a lesbian word and only applies to lesbians but I think I understand what you are saying. There are plenty of masc (masculine) straight and bi women out there. There are definitely a wide variety of people who would fit that look/energy you are looking for.

My advice is to be honest with them, even if not too specific. Let any potential partner know you are not interested in a relationship and you are sort of in an experimental phase and let them decide if you are the right fit for them at the moment.

Any one who shames you for making this very personal decision is wrong in doing so. Life is too short to deny ourselves of experimentation and experiences as long as we are not harming others.

You might gain some clarity as you go on this new adventure in life. Be honest with yourself and don't bend to the pressure of external forces. Your sexual and emotional happiness is important and you are wothy of living it to the fullest.

[multigenderswag]

Survey Results: Anything Else Relevant

In the open ended question “share anything else you find relevant about your multigender identity,” 72 participants (4.88%) stated that being a system was a relevant part of their multigender identity, and 24 participants (1.63%) stated that being intersex was a relevant part of their multigender identity.

Some other responses that stood out: 

"Gender is diverse and vast. It is beautiful and it's often whatever makes me happy. My experience of gender cannot be the same as anyone else's and I like that. It's part of who I am at my core and is proof that even that part of me is not static."

"I am who I am. If other people want to assign me a gender, that's their problem. Sometimes I wear a gender like an outfit, sometimes it's who I am, and sometimes I resent the whole concept. My body and my clothes are a way to express my creativity, and gender is one of the paintbrushes. I contain multitudes."

"1. I prefer a different definition of bigender. I use it in the same way people use bisexual: that I am two OR MORE genders. 2. I technically use all pronouns but I only put my primary ones in the survey. 3. I haven’t seen a term for this before but I see my sexuality as being “straight both ways” meaning that I am attracted to men as a woman and attracted to women as a man. My only attraction that feels gay is any attraction towards other nonbinary people."

"I eat gender for breakfast lunch and dinner!!! I'll eat you too!!!!!!! Watch out!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"If I visualize my gender it's as if I am wholely a girl. My girlness is a solid sphere. My boyness is softer and hazier and surrounds the sphere. That's the best way I have to describe it!"

"Despite fitting the 'definition' of nonbinary as in 'not binary man or woman' I genuinely hate using it as a term for myself and only use it through gritted teeth as just quick shorthand. It's mainly because 'nonbinary' in the public eye has become less of an umbrella term and more of a 'third gender' with its own 'gender role' (not too masc, but not too femme, unless you're 'making a statement' and usually society treats those folks as complete jokes) There was a comic I saw about boxes. First there are two, then there are many, but finally the main person says 'ARGH!! NO MORE BOXES!!' That really captures how I feel. I hate having to put labels on myself and when i can feel people figuring out what box to put me in. I'd like to just BE ME and slide between whatever role and presentation I feel fits at the moment without people thinking I'm 'lying' or 'faking' or 'too queer' or 'not trans enough"' I hate all the labels and gender essentialism that comes with it. I just can't work in this binary framework, and I don't WANT to have to be an activist just to have permission to exist. I just want to live my life. At this point I just state my identity based on which flag I think looks nicest at the time."

"Gender is a highway and I'm riding down it the wrong way on a tricycle"

"I never really understood gender in general, and as such identity with aspects of many. I think that everyone’s gender fluctuates every so often and that it’s A-okay to not fully understand your own gender."

[royalberryriku]

That one post™ I read recently about being transfem gays and transmasc lesbians got me thinking about gender and sexuality and mine specifically and just... I have so many thoughts and feelings about this.

So many queers assume gender to be this: woman, man or non binary (assumed to mean agender). Yet, so many of us just don't fit into that at all. I know it's not out of malice too, and sometimes we even do know that it's not that simple and try to include bigender, gender fluid, etc in that, but even so, we always go back to assumptions; to a set bias of binary of which we struggle to undo the rules we've set in our own heads and perspectives.

Suddenly, we have limits of which do exclude other queers and even sometimes ourselves, we have hypocritical definitions and fall into a habit of drawing lines around what is This and what is That. And I get it; we want to know ourselves better, to word our experiences more exactly and describe to those around us what it's like to live as someone like us. But here's the thing; that's always not going to be 100% possible. There's always going to be differences and variation even within the same definitions and labels. No matter how similar we may be in regards to a shared experiences and shared struggles, there'll always be exceptions.

Gender and sexuality are like that. I'll expand on this below:

For those who are not transgender or who just generally struggle with this topic and don't know much about it, here's an outline:

Gender identity is, in a very general sense, one's perception of their identity as a person; it's that question of who they are and what they want to be referred to and seen as. For example, if you go up to a cis lady and start making her out to be a man simply because she has short hair, she'd get offended, right? Same case with transgender people, if you start pointing at their chest or at a beard or something like that and start assigning an identity that doesn't align with who they are, they'd get offended for the same exact reason; because they are [insert gender] regardless of appearance.

Now, with that understood, I'll continue with this discussion of sexuality, mine specifically, and then move onto my gender and it's lack of conformity.

I'm bisexual; I'm attracted to all genders, all sexes, all everythings. In fact, more so than most people I know, I have a very diverse range of things I'm into and attracted to. But not every bisexual person is like that. Some bisexual people like only certain things and some only like specific genders. We all have our own different preferences and no two people will have the exact same sexuality; because we are all unique in what we like. And even in saying that for myself, this was a journey of discovery after spending years as asexual, then a lesbian, then a heterosexual man, then someone who used both straight and lesbian to describe by love of women as someone whose gender was indistinct and now as bisexual having now realised I do love men and other genders as well. All throughout this process, I was surrounded by a community, one I still feel very connected to and have some overlap with as well. It's interesting and beautiful how these people both differ from me and yet how also similar we still are, even now.

Sexualities are here, as terms, to help us find more people who are similar; to find solidarity in a shared experience. However, it isn't to find those exactly the same because, see, that just doesn't exist. That's why lesbian and gay can actually have some overlap, that's why woman and man aren't opposites, that's why gender isn't this "one or the other" thing; because experience is far too varied to ever be narrowed down to such a degree. It's always going to be general; an inexact estimate of similarities that more or less fit a vague definition.

My gender on the other hand? Now that's even more complicated. As I said before, most assume it's a "one or the other" deal, even with non binary in the mix, but the thing is that these terms are general; they are vague and can overlap. I'm a trans man, but I'm also non binary. I am a man, and sometimes I want to be perceived as the same as a cis man, but not always. This also is something that means I may fit under being gender fluid. However, on top of that, I am more often than not two or more things at once. I'm a man, but I also see myself as a butch lady at the same time. This also fits under the definition of being bigender. Yet, on top of that? There are also times when I just feel removed from gender identity as a thing all together. This also fits with agender.

Now, for those who may not be so familiar with all these terms I'm throwing around, I'm essentially saying my identity in regards to the question "are you a man or woman" or even "so are you neither" is very fluid, but it's also both and sometimes even neither or all of the above. The hard thing is this; we have this pre-established subconscious bias that these things are all opposites, that there's a definitive line that divides them. However, in my own experience, this just doesn't apply to everyone and especially not to me who struggles to know where I'd even begin to draw such a line for myself. Woman and man are simply not opposites to me because I am something that overlaps. I'm a man, 100%, not leaning or "a bit"; I am absolutely, entirely a boy. However, my gender would be something that shifts to the same as, say, a he/him lesbian that may not feel that they are a man per se. The difference is I'm both, and many lesbians and trans men do fit into that both category and have throughout history. Take Leslie Feinberg for instance, the author of Stone Butch Blues. Or the various other cases of butch lesbians and trans men overlapping in history or being mistaken for one another. There is a blurred region that can't be asked or told "oh but which are you" or even "so you're neither" because, at least in my case, I am both. I am 100% of both and it would be inaccurate and a lie to say I am neither, as much as it would be inaccurate or a lie to say I'm one of the other.

And you know what? It's okay if we don't understand what that means or where that fits. It's okay if all of what I said about myself has confused the living hell out of you. You don't need to understand me just like I don't need to understand you or anyone else to simply coexist and respect that we're going to have different preferences and views. I'll never know what it's like to be entirely in a binary, to be able to conform because I am simply unable to if I am to truely be myself and allow whatever that is to just exist. I also don't even necessarily have to understand it, as long I allow myself to exist.

I could honestly go on and on about sexuality, gender, romance, self identity and overall the value of finding community while also loving the value of one's own uniqueness, but I'll settle with this for now. All I'll say in regards to that is that this all also applies to being aromantic, demisexual, demigirl/boy, omnisexual, polysexual, xenogenders, pansexual and many, many other terms. These are all simply here to better understand ourselves and create more understanding of experiences that may no fit into other pre-existing terms. That's awesome and something to embrace. You don't even necessarily have to worry about understanding these or remembering them all. At the end of the day, these people are all simply fellow queers and define themselves in a range of both different or similar ways to the more well known sexualities and orientations, stretching back to heterosexuality and the norm of cisgender experiences. These are all simply terms to describe the differences between each of these lived experiences; all these different people in different terms aren't so different from you and you aren't so different to them.

But I digress, the point here is that regardless of gender or sexuality, nothing is set in stone and nothing can truly all be defined with one single definition. No matter how rigid the definition, no matter who is excluded or included, no matter how much it fits you or someone else, it won't fit everyone perfectly and there'll always be differences even within those labels. That's a fact of life and the beauty of it. It's part of why I am protective of the word queer and gay; a word that means different and a word that means happy. Because to live as truely to yourself as possible, enjoy the splendor of those little quirks and unique bits to yourself, to fall in love with yourself regardless of if you're the same or completely different or what or who you are? That's beautiful and wonderful. It's something to be proud of and celebrated. And it's something I wish for all of us to be able to one day appreciate; falling in love with ourselves and our unique existences.

[mkaroy]

headcanons of the spelling bee kids & adults for funzies ( most of which were influenced by fellow cast members )

Olive:

-she doesn’t like the idea of labelling herself but not straight, she/her

-dating barfee she totally forced her and barfee to have a ship name, it’s ovbarfvsky, chip thinks it’s funny

-dream job is a stay at home mom who runs a radio

-likes reading classical books

-still calls marcy occasionally but has lost contact with most of the other spellers

-her mom never came back, so she started sending her letters to mitch, in which he wrote back

Barfee:

-straight white man…, asexual, he/him

-autism

-started his sea anemone collection when he was 5 and has loved it since

-eventually grew out his ego

-also reads classical books but secretly reads those kids books that are diary style (ex: dear dumb diary)

-he stims a lot by tapping his foot or bouncing his legs, also a nail bitter, not out of anxiety but just out of boredom usually

Marcy:

-aromantic/questioning, she/her

-really into piano and violin but now she uses them to play really hard metal songs for fun

-she’s really into pop culture stuff but she’s also an environmentalist, so she keeps a closet of mostly graphic shirts of shows she likes and jeans

-stranger things fan; nancy is her favourite

-but i’m a cheerleader is one if not her favourite movies, she also finds megan relatable

Logainne:

-lesbian, had a crush on olive during the bee and a bit after that (obviously), she/her trans woman

-adhd & half jewish

-wears suits to any occasion, even in her sleep sometimes

-she’ll watch anything with gay or jewish rep in it and give it a surprisingly harsh rating

-her favourite show is bobs burgers

-stims include pacing, jumping, pulling of twirling hair and fumbling with her fingers

-doesn’t have volume control and often speaks too loudly for most people

-had to get braces on her top row of teeth in her later teen years

Chip:

-bisexual, he/him

-adhd diagnosed early

-a total try hard in school, especially gym

-he stims in ‘discrete’ ways, basically leg bouncing and pacing and his big 2

-kids at his school find him weird, but no one ever talks about it

-had a crush on olive but it went nowhere especially after his, distraction

-secretly a mama’s boy and tries hard to put his heart in his mother’s day gift

-super good at the piano for some reason

-the marigold thing only went on for 3 years before chip started liking a guy in his class instead of her

-great at public speaking and persuasive essays but sucks at talking to one person head on

-has braces AND a pubestache, the braces are colourful

-mom picks out most of his clothes still

-chip is the one that put peanuts in the brownies

Leaf:

-gay, he/they, adhd

-total outdoor kid

-tons of his clothes have pride flags sewn into them but most people don’t notice

-considers the spelling bee kids to be his best friends and sometimes just shows up at their house uninvited

-he likes spending time with logainne mostly because she’s loud and excitable like him

-plays the cat piano in his spare time

-always keeps cat food on him to give to stray cats he finds

-his homeschooling schedule absolutely terrible, sometimes he just walks into the woods for hours and doesn’t come back until dark, and nobody in his house notices

Panch:

-so straight, perhaps even homophobic on top of being misogynistic

-his favourite WAS chip, until the, erection business

-after courting rona and getting a restraining order, he moved onto another realtor, he has a thing for them

-doesn’t know how to iron or wash clothes properly

-went back to, unhealthy coping habits for lack of better words, after rona left

Rona:

-bisexual she/her

-the indigenous farmer she met was a woman obviously

-doing much better for herself after getting rid of panch

-didn’t find out about her sexuality until she met that farmer

-she truly loves kids and hopes to adopt someday

-her original dream job was a hairstylist, but she had no natural knack for the job and was much better at persuasion and public speaking

Mitch:

-TRANS

-acted out and went to jail for beating someone up

-cares about olive the most though he won’t tell

-his least favourite kid is chip but he doesn’t hate any of them

-as the years went on he started giving the losers more than juice boxes, stickers and participation awards were added

-one of those tough guys who has a flock of parrots in his house who he’s suprisingly gentle with

-went through a buzz cut phase, it was not cool.

[princesssarisa]

7-questions ask: Quasimodo

These answers are for the Disney version because I haven't read the original novel.

Three facts about them from my personal headcanons.

The Romani man who holds Quasimodo's mother protectively in the prologue isn't his father. He's his uncle, his mother's brother. His father was a white Frenchman, and his mother had some mixed race ancestry too, which explains why he's pale-skinned, red-haired and blue-eyed despite having a dark-skinned, dark-haired Romani mother.

For the first few years of his childhood, he was cared for by a nurse, who breastfed him as a baby and handled all the main business of childcare, while Frollo mainly served as his educator. Frollo dismissed her when Quasi was five or six years old because she "wasn't needed anymore," but her kindness and gentleness were a lifelong influence on Quasi. After he joins the outside world, he might find her again and thank her.

He's going to find that he misses Frollo sometimes, even though he knows he was a monster. He was still the only father figure Quasi ever knew.

A reason they suck:

The fact that at first he refuses to join Phoebus in setting out to warn Esmeralda about Frollo's pending attack on the Court of Miracles. I want to believe he mainly refuses out of fear, both of Frollo and of leaving the cathedral again, with slight subtext of "Phoebus will find her without me and he's the one she loves anyway." But the other possible reading is that for a few moments, he almost wants to let Esmeralda be caught by Frollo because he's bitter that she doesn't love him romantically.

A reason they are great:

His kindness, tenderness, and deep feeling, combined with incredible courage when he overcomes his insecurities.

A reason I relate to them:

I've also felt like a strange, awkward misfit at times.

(what I consider to be) the top tier otp/ot3 for that character:

I don't really ship him with anyone romantically. Not until he's had more time to heal from Frollo's emotional abuse. Yes, I do know about Madellaine in the sequel, but I haven't actually seen the sequel and I don't count it as canon. I ship him with happiness, and platonically with Esmeralda and Phoebus as a found family.

Five things that never happened to the character that I believe should have happened:

That the movie made it clearer that his three gargoyle friends are figments of his imagination. Then their presence would feel less like jarring, tacked-on "kid appeal."

That the Archdeacon had taken more of a role in helping to raise him and helped to counteract Frollo's abuse.

That he had managed to stay out of sight and not been crowned King of Fools at the festival, so he wouldn't have been abused by the crowd. (Of course there would be no plot then.)

That Esmeralda hadn't kissed his cheek after he helped her escape from the cathedral. She meant it as platonic affection, but it gave him false hope.

This applies to all versions of the character, not just Disney's – that pop culture would stop treating him as a "classic horror icon" just because he's deformed. He's not a horror character.

Five people that character never fell in love with and why.

Phoebus. Maybe it could have happened if he were gay or bi, but he's straight.

Clopin. See above.

Frollo. Even if he were attracted to men, and even if Frollo weren't evil and Quasimodo's abuser, it would feel like parental incest!

Laverne the gargoyle. Even though she's the only "woman" he's known through most of his life, (a) she's an old crone, and (b) she's not human.

Belle from Beauty and the Beast. While they would probably have liked each other if they had met, she lives at least 320 years after his time. (I suspect that "Belle's" cameo appearance during "Out There," is really an ancestress of hers.)

[aizenat]

This really set me off this morning because of the blatant homophobia of it all. There is literally a scene in the last episode where Lestat is on top of Louis. In all the intimate moments between them it’s never a definitive role. Sometimes Louis tops, sometimes it’s Lestat. One of them is not the lone instigator of their intimate moments.

And it’s not the implication of “Lestat is a bottom” that irritates me but how you straights seem to assume that even if someone exclusively only tops or bottom that that defines their role in the relationship. Oh, Louis kisses Lestat so that means Lestat is the “bottom.” Because the implication isn’t just who gives and receives in sex (which is really gross to be obsessed with), but who in the relationship is “dominant” vs “submissive.” Essentially, who is the man vs the woman. The aggressor vs the passive one. It’s the exact sentiment that fueled the homophobic question gays would get asked all the time in the 90s and 00s: “who wears the pants in the relationship?”

You straights miss the fundamental best part about being gay for us: not having to conform and play into the gender roles and expectations of heterosexual relationship dynamics. I say time and time again that realizing I was a lesbian felt like a sigh of relief. The little quips that would make me unappealing to men (wanting who I marry to take my last name, or we just keep our names, wanting to propose to my future spouse, not wanting to clean, being the “breadwinner,” etc) are things that are not an issue if I’m dating another woman.

And I’m not a “top” (which really even that is more of a gay man thing, not really a lesbian thing so it doesn’t matter anyway). I don’t want to wear the metaphorical pants. I like cooking and would be happy to be responsible for my family’s meals. The career I specifically want I want to be so successful in it that I can be the partner that stays home with the kid. I like receiving in bed as well as giving. I’m not a “femme,” nor am I even close to a stud. I like masculine women, but personality wise I’m pretty firm. I wouldn’t want to be some dainty trophy wife or a “good submissive” wife. The idea of submission makes me gag, as does the idea of dominating.

This is why terms like heteronormativity became popular in lgbt spaces in the 2010s. Because we were sick of straights trying to project their gender roles and expectations onto us. Because we don’t subscribe to that. And anyone who is actually gay—who had to do the hard and strenuous work of trying to figure out why we just can’t relate to our straight peers, and why we can’t just get happily fall in line the way the other straights could etc—understands that.

So when I see you weird ass straight (idk what you try to call yourselves to pretend you’re part of the lgbt community when you would throw up like crazy before actually having sex with a same sex partner) fans do this shit, THIS is the reason y’all get called homophobic. This is why gay people accuse you of fetishizing. The weird and creepy labeling of our entire personality based on whether or not we’re “tops” vs “bottoms.” Minimizing who we are to what position we prefer in bed. The obsession with the intricacies of how we fuck that you would NEVER do to straight couples.

Fandoms have gotten away with this for too long and you’d think with all the “pro-lgbt” “woke” young people involved in fandoms these days that y’all would have cut this out by 2022, but this year is almost over and you’re STILL doing it. Seriously, cut it out. It’s gross. It’s fetishizing. It’s creepy. It’s offensive. It’s homophobic. It’s disgusting. Cut it out.

[shrimpmandan]

Spin-offing into my own post a bit because this is less about pansexuality and more about sexual orientation and etymology in general.

I personally don't think the definitions of "homosexual" and "heterosexual", as they are in the dictionary, are accurate. Or at least, it's oversimplified in a way that lines up with the idea that sexuality is an inherently rigid thing.

To not make this super confusing, I'm going to be using the word "homosexual" to specifically refer to gay men here. Homosexuality is not just "being attracted to the same sex". If this were true, this would mean that gay men would never be attracted to a trans man, and would be instead attracted to trans women. This would also mean that a gay man could not hypothetically develop a crush-- no matter how fleeting-- on an exceptionally masculine woman.

Homosexuality is about the attraction to male sexual characteristics. Some examples of what most might consider male sex characteristics would be a penis + testicles, a relatively flat chest, small hips, a strong jawline, short hair, the presence of particularly dense body hair, or a top-heavy physique. Obviously, not all men look like this, but this is what most people would picture as being a conventionally attractive adult male. Gay men are attracted to at least some of these features, in different configurations. Maybe they only care about the presence of a penis, without caring of the presentation of their partner otherwise. Maybe they like men with long hair and no body hair, but who also have strong jawlines and relatively thin waists.

And then the question is raised: but can't women also have those traits too? And of course, the answer is yes. And when you say that, it brings in the question of what's preventing a gay man from being attracted to a woman. The answer, and what's uncomfortable for many people to accept, is absolutely nothing, which applies to any orientation. This is why gay men and straight women can sometimes develop crushes on masculine or butch women. This is why straight men and lesbians can sometimes develop crushes on feminine men. This is why any orientation can be attracted to a trans person of any identity or sexual configuration. Our sexualities are not tied to explicitly and rigidly defined genders. We are attracted to sexual characteristics that are more commonly associated with either males or females, and human beings-- being sexually bimodal-- can come in all sorts of configurations of those sex characteristics.

The reason TERFs are so threatened by the idea of lesbians dating trans women is because their entire ideology fundamentally hinges on women and men being completely distinct categories with no overlap. They often target cis women who look "too mannish" or cis men who look "too effeminate" and accuse them of being trans, because they fundamentally cannot accept the idea that sex isn't as clear-cut as they think it is. It's a direct threat to bioessentialism to accept that. And when you ask the question, "if a lesbian can be attracted to someone who is biologically male, but who looks like and identifies as a woman, and may or may not have developed or been naturally born with sex characteristics that are more typical of cis females, then what's stopping a lesbian"-- (an identity TERFs have fully co-opted as being "anti-male")-- "from developing attraction towards a man who also expresses in the same way, and has similar sexual characteristics?"

The answer is absolutely nothing.

Also, as a footnote, some people may take this to mean that everyone is just fundamentally bisexual. Whether I agree with this assessment or not, this is only because my post doesn't take into account the additional psychological and sociological factors of attraction. A fully homosexual man who develops a crush on a masculine woman would likely lose that attraction upon finding out they identify as a woman. If they aren't, then they could be bisexual! That's why it's so complex. I simply forwent mentioning it because I wanted to focus more on how people misunderstand how sexuality works biologically.