#sometimes i tell people what i want & they don't really understand

[hotchnersangel]

GIRL, SO CONFUSING!

Aaron Hotchner

a/n: i’ve been watching an awful lot of love island so this is very angry girl staying composed confrontation core.

warnings: jealousy, oc! vs you, bombshell!reader, angry girl core, (not an accurate representation of beth in the show),

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Aaron Hotchner was a proud man, not in a bad way, quite literally the opposite. He had built up his reputation, he had loved and lost but that had never been his priority. He somehow felt content in his life with different kinds of love, like the one he felt for the bau team, or... well, you. It was different to the team, it made him comfortable. He knew you, and you knew him. Everyone knew you as a pair, if you were seperate, well that would be awkward. Though, your platonic love hadn't been a relationship, not nearly. Maybe the lines between platonic and romantic were hazy sometimes but that did not mean that you were together, You were both adamant that you were not, always shutting people down when they suggested the idea of it.

Recently, Aaron had started seeing a new woman, her name was Beth. She was sweet at first and she stayed that way to the team, though it didn't feel that way with you. Overtime, she seemed to reject yours and Aaron's relationship, which you didn't like because he could be friends with who he likes. You would understand if you and Aaron had a history, but you didn't. Simple, you were friends, best friends and Beth tried to accept it, but she didn't. Instead, you resulted in pretending to get along with one another, though you all know that it's so far from the truth.

The bau were round Rossi's house, having a 'family' dinner and coincidentally you were sat opposite Beth, forced to stare at her the whole evening. Deep joy.

"So, Beth... you got your hair done?" You try start a friendly conversation with her. In return you get a short smile and a nod.

"Yeah, I did." She replies and you awkwardly smile at her, not knowing what to reply.

"You guys are twinning now..." JJ tries to break the ice but it had the opposite effect, Beth just straightened her posture and tried to pass the comment off. The silence on our side of the table was thick, the raw unspoken awkwardness of a lack of common ground.

"You guys do say we are alike..." you say nonchalantly, trying to diffuse some tension with some humour.

Beth laughs and shakes her head. "I don't see it."

You give JJ a look sharing unspoken pleas for a new convo topic, you hide your smile behind your wine glass as you take a sip.

"So," JJ looks at you with a smile, "How is that boyfriend of yours doing?" This catches Hotch's attention now as he joins in the conversation.

You laugh, "I mean... it is a bit of fun really but I don't think it's anything serious." you shrug, telling them the truth.

"I never did like him really," Aaron shrugs, smiling at you and you laugh shaking you head. "Believe me, I know you didn't."

"I think you should see how it goes," Beth says and shrugs and everyone looks confused at one another, considering all she knew about him was that he was a bit of 'fun'.

You laugh awkwardly, looking at Aaron who furrowed his brows slightly but brushed it off.

After dinner, everyone joins on the backdoor porch, sitting on the luxurious garden furniture. You were sat with Emily and JJ, observing the way Beth was practically all over Hotch.

"I really don't understand your relationship with her." Emily says bewildered.

"I genuinely can't tell if she wants to see me falling over and failing and honestly, I sort of feel the same to her." You say looking at them both now. "I'm trying to be nice but I think i really dislike her... like come on, the new hair?"

"It's a bit of a coincidence considering the fact that her man fancies the shit out of you and suddenly dresses, acts and now looks like you," Emily shrugs casually and JJ hits her playfully but has a serious tone when scolding her.

"What do you mean?" You ask furrowing your brows and laughing, "Aaron doesn't like me in that way babe."

"For profilers, you are both in extreme loss of social awareness," Spencer walks past as says, taking a seat next to Emily. "Around 85-90% of people can be considered to lack a significant social awareness because they don't fully understand their own self-awareness, for example-"

"What Pretty boy is trying to say pretty lady, is that you and Hotch are in love but you don't see it yet." Moran waltzes in and states, bringing along a gushing Garcia and Rossi.

"Aaron's happy. I want him to be happy and I truly think he is with Beth." You state, diverting the conversation. Beth and Aaron walk over after that comment and you smile at them.

"Beth, I'm having a party for new years round mine... you should come." you offer kindly, wanting some peace considering she is dating your best friend.

"I don't really do parties." She retorts.

"Come on, it will be good to put your hands up a bit, have a little dance." You offer with a smile and she smiles awkwardly in return.

"I think i'll leave that to you babe." She smiles passively agressive at you. "I'm in a happy relationship."

You furrow your brows, "What's that got to do with anything?"

Everyone is watching the two of you bounce against one another now, flicking their heads like they're watching a tennis match. You're even sure you saw Rossi pass Emily a handful of popcorn.

"It means, I dont go whoring around babe." She smiles patronisingly and everyone looks shocked.

"Beth-" Aaron tries to step in.

"No- Aaron, I can handle this, thank you though." You say kindly to him, looking back to Beth. "No wonder you're so tight Beth, because I'm having a party? How am I a whore?"

"That's the type of party I see you throwing," she shrugs.

"That's an orgy babe," you retort, "Clearly you're opinions are too fixed to comprehend that not everyone's actions are centred around male validation."

She scoffs, "You're a fine one to talk like that. Clearly it's something you crave if it's all you look for in my boyfriend, hear that, mine. It's why you can't get in your own loving relationship babe."

You actually laugh in her face, the others trying to bump in but you stop them. "Girl, you're so confusing sometimes. I genuinely can't tell what I have done to give you the impression that I would 'steal' your boyfriend, whether I liked him or not, you should one have trust in him to not do that to you- which Aaron by the way, clearly would never do, and two, I am not the type of girl to go after another girl full stop. Whether it is her or her man, you don't do that as a woman, babe."

"Oh and you're so perfect aren't you?" she shoots back.

"Perfect enough to tell you that you don't have to change your appearance to look like me because you believe that your boyfriend is in love with me." You state quieter, knowing everyone had concluded that, but wanting to keep her confrontation private.

"You're a self centered bitch, you know that?"

"You know, we are totally different after all. You need to berate other women to feel good about yourself and I do not. Please, do yourself a favour and work on those thoughts. Be kinder to yourself and you will feel less worried about these things." You state directly.

"Aaron, we're leaving." she gets up angrily, walking to the door.

"No, Beth. You're leaving." He says crossing his arms and moving besides you, placing his hand on your shoulder in support. "I think you made a decision for me."

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[hansmic]

𝒰𝓃𝓉𝒾𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝒶𝒻𝑒 𝒸𝓁𝑜𝓈𝑒𝓈

hyunjin x gn! reader

summary: you notice hyunjin doodling on a napkin at a café and asks to see what he’s drawing. It leads to a conversation about art, life, and dreams. you end up sketching together until the café closes.

genre: romance

warnings: none

word count: 963

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Hyunjin is scribbling away at a small paper napkin, a small pout on his lips as he concentrates on the image taking shape on the cheap paper. As he continues to doodle, he fails to notice that you are watching over his shoulder, silently observing his art.

Feeling your eyes on his work, Hyunjin glances up and catches you watching him. He chuckles sheepishly, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. "Oh.. Hey," he says, a small smile on his lips. "Sorry, I didn't notice you there. Were you watching me draw?"

As you nod in response to his question, Hyunjin looks down at the napkin in front of him, his gaze darting between you and his art. He seems a little embarrassed by your attention, but also curious about what you think of his work. "Uh, yeah. I doodle when I'm bored," he says, gesturing to the napkin. "It's nothing special."

You can tell by his expression that Hyunjin is downplaying his talent, but you can also see the pride in his eyes as he looks at the napkin. He hesitates for a moment before offering it to you. "Here, you can take a closer look if you want," he says, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"Thanks," you say, taking the napkin from Hyunjin's hand. You carefully examine the drawing, taking in all the small details and the way Hyunjin's unique style shines through.

"It's really good," you say, looking up to meet Hyunjin's eyes. "You're very talented. Do you do art often?"

Hyunjin's cheeks turn even redder as you compliment his art, and he ducks his head sheepishly. "Thank you," he stutters out, a small smile on his lips. "And yeah, I draw a lot actually. It's kinda like... my escape, you know?"

He looks up at you, a hint of vulnerability in his gaze. "It's just... sometimes it's easier to put my thoughts and feelings down on paper than to try to explain them with words," he says, shrugging slightly.

"I totally get what you mean," you say, nodding. "Art can be a really powerful form of expression, and it's often easier to pour your emotions into a drawing than to talk about them."

As you speak, you can see Hyunjin's shoulders relax a bit, as if he's glad to have found someone who understands his love for art.

Hyunjin nods, his smile growing a little more confident. "Exactly," he says. "And it's like... when I'm drawing, I don't have to worry about what anyone else thinks or how they'll react. I can just let my mind wander and create whatever I want."

As you continue to talk about art and Hyunjin's passion for drawing, you can sense a connection forming between the two of you. The conversation flows easily, and Hyunjin seems to open up more and more with each passing minute.

As the café begins to empty out, Hyunjin glances out the window and realizes it's getting late. "Man, I didn't realize how much time had passed," he says, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

"I guess we got pretty caught up in our conversation," he adds, a hint of a blush returning to his cheeks. He looks at you awkwardly for a moment, as if he wants to say something more but is hesitating.

You notice Hyunjin's hesitancy and try to ease the awkwardness a little. "Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you," you say, a warm smile on your lips. "It's been a while since I've had a conversation this good."

Hyunjin smiles back at you, his expression softening. "Yeah, me too," he says. "I don't normally open up to people like I did with you. But... I don't know, there's just something about you that makes me feel comfortable."

He looks at you for a moment, his eyes locking onto yours, and you can feel the air growing tense. It's like there's a silent understanding passing between the two of you, a hint of something more than just friendship.

"You know," you say, your heart rate picking up slightly. "I've really enjoyed spending time with you. Maybe... we could do this again sometime?"

Hyunjin's eyes widen slightly at your suggestion, and he nods quickly. "Yeah, definitely," he says, a hint of excitement in his voice. "I'd really like that."

He pauses for a moment, as if he's trying to gather the courage to say something else. "Maybe... we could exchange numbers?" he says, a hopeful look in his eyes.

You smile at Hyunjin's suggestion, feeling a flutter in your stomach. "Sure, that sounds great," you say, pulling out your phone. You exchange numbers with Hyunjin, saving his contact information in your phone.

Hyunjin grins as he adds your number to his contacts, his fingers moving quickly across the screen. "Great," he says, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. "I'll text you later, okay?"

The café is nearly empty now, signaling that it's time to leave. Hyunjin gathers his things and stands up, looking at you with a warm smile. "I guess I should get going," he says, a hint of reluctance in his voice.

You stand up as well, feeling a pang of disappointment that the night is coming to an end. "Yeah, me too," you say, a small sigh escaping your lips.

There's a moment of silence between the two of you, neither of you quite wanting to leave. Hyunjin shuffles his feet awkwardly, his gaze flitting around the nearly empty café before settling back on you.

"I... I had a really great time tonight," he says, a warm smile on his lips.

You feel a wave of butterflies in your stomach at his words and return his smile. "Me too," you say honestly. "I'm really glad I met you, Hyunjin."

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hope you liked it!

masterlist is here!

[genderqueerdykes]

I really want to go on T. My spouse has told me that he wouldn't try to stop me and I know he completely respects my autonomy. But I also know beyond a doubt that he would stop being attracted to me, and I legitimately would rather miss out on T than hurt my relationship with him. It's so hard talking to people about this because everyone just tells me to ditch the relationship with no respect for how important he is to me.

hello there! thanks for taking the time to stop by

is there any way you can sit down with him and say something like "i know it's a big change, and i understand why it makes you feel that way. is it possible for me to explain why it's so important to me and why i want it? i'm still the same person, i just need to change a few things to feel exactly like myself."

there is a chance that he will become receptive over time. sometimes people are shocked by something at first, but with time and exposure, people can turn around and at the very least respect it. i agree that i don't think just ditching him is a good idea. you have every right to want to stay in that relationship if he's genuinely that important to you. there may just have to be some gentle conversations and he may start to understand that you're still the same person, you're not changing into someone else.

there is the possibility of microdosing as well! that might help warm him up to be okay with it and let you take more if you want that. the changes from HRT can come very slowly and sometimes that allows people who originally oppose it to see that it's not as bad as they thought it would be. some people come to really love trans bodies in these kinds of relationships!

if he just really can't accept it, or becomes hostile or aggressive, then leave. i believe it's worth trying to have a conversation about it in a very gentle fashion, and explain why it would make you a happier partner, and would make it easier to participate in life, and your relationship. those are a few things that come to mind! i hope you're able to take T and stay with him. you shouldn't have to choose between your transition and your partner. i hope that time is kind to you both

stay safe, let me know if you need any more advice. good luck, i hope you get what you need

[gideonisms]

Should I get a chest tattoo for my first tattoo I feel like everyone tells you it hurts most but I don't really care and it's just a small one

[mikesbasementbeets]

to be real for a second, i think there is a moment in the show where mike has a ~realization~ of sorts about his feelings but hasn't quite put two and two together yet.... and it's this:

this realization of "hey my feelings for will are actually maybe different than my feelings for my other friends, but i'm not sure why" happens at the end of season two. and then mike spends the entirety of season three acting sort of strange and different around will while having his relationship with him constantly juxtaposed with his relationship with el. reaching the end of that season which, despite all the supernatural shit going on, took the time to focus so heavily on those two relationships (and how fundamentally different they are), and having mike have the same realization he had at the end of season two makes no sense because it would mean he accomplished absolutely nothing in his emotional arc during the course season three

especially to claim that he still believes he has feelings for el going into season 4. especially to claim he still believes he has feelings for el by the end of season 4. it's to claim that he has not made any emotional progress in his relationships for at least two full seasons, that he's been going through all of this for it to not have made any conscious impact on him, and the changes in the way he acts from s2-3 and from s3-4 aren't a product of his character developing (growing, changing, to quote hopper's letter) but rather..... ? i don't know actually. just him feeling weird but not understanding himself at all. still. it just doesn't make sense to me. he's one of the main characters of the show, and to keep him emotionally stagnant for 4 out of 5 seasons (especially when we can see that his behavior is changing, that he has not been stagnant at all but rather deeply affected by everything) would be a disservice to his character, first of all, but also a disservice to the narrative which has been showing us his (as well as the other characters') struggle with growing up and growing into himself every season. and it simply doesn't align with what we're being shown

mike is already having realizations by the end of season two. but by the end of season three, he's starting to be really honest with himself about what they mean

[novadreii]

Mmm actually I think we do owe love and care to our loved ones! We do owe each other things sometimes! There is a duty of care in our relationships that we should do our very best to uphold. It's the basis for human connection? An informal agreement we have with someone dear to us that we will support and cherish them and not just when it's easy and in the ways that feel effortless to us but also in the ways that they feel most loved.

We owe each other consideration. We owe each other a chance to chime in on important things and we should not make unilateral decisions. We owe each other reassurance sometimes too! Gasp!

I know that we're unlearning our generational trauma collectively but what's the point if we draw such hard boundaries around ourselves that nobody is let in, and nobody is helped, loved or considered when they really need it?

What is the point of being connected to another human being if it's understood between the two of you that if shit hits the fan, they are loyal only to themselves and you can get fucked?

I get it. We need to be self-sufficient. We can't rely on someone to the point of falling apart when they leave the house. But entering into a relationship or close friendship (or nurturing our existing familial relationships that are healthy) is a declaration that we CAN but don't WANT to be 100% self-sufficient anymore. We'd like to outsource a portion of our bandwidth to the other person. And in exchange, we take on some of theirs. It can't be rainbows all the time: again, most of us are traumatized by our parents in some way. We have behaviours that make us unpleasant sometimes! But why does that necessarily mean that we cut each other off when we show symptoms? When we actually need to cash in on some support the most? Where pray tell lies the nuance between "cut off abusive people who have no intention of changing" and "sometimes our loved ones can act ugly on the road to healing, but as long as they commit to bettering themselves I will see them through it"???? Does the latter not exist at all?

The act of caring and being cared for is one of the only fucking things we have left that can sustain our hearts in this bleak world. If you don't want to be burdened with the expectation of reciprocation in your relationships then what is the point of seeking connection? You are missing a fundamental fucking variable.

[weirfq1]

with all these gaston crackships/rarepairs that are coming out lately it would be so fucking funny if he had a flig with all the main characters (ambar, nina, simon... hell luna too if you want) and they all know it except matteo

[pharawee]

I don't go here but...

A series about prosopagnosia where they actually introduce it as prosopagnosia?? I have prosopagnosia (the bad kind where I don't recognise my family... or myself lmao)!

Uh yeahhh, it's not really like that, but I guess they had to visualise it somehow.

Okay I'm curious, maybe I'll watch this? I'm all for prosopagnosia awareness because every time I tell people about it there's a chance they just think I'm making it up for attention.

[anotherpapercut]

absolute worst thing about working with small children is not being able to cuss. sometimes I need to say goddammit

[girlivealwaysbean]

hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now

[weed-cat]

yall have got to stop conflating catharsis with praxis and/or progress.

[exoexid]

the suyeol lore is so crazy

[butchcharliee]

🤠

[medicinemane]

You know, looking at a diet soda can it occurs to me that it might not be so wretched to me if the cans weren't so unpleasant

Like we know that things like color play a role in how our brain perceives things, and I realized looking at the can that they're always this bland but at the same time nasty looking silver and it just... it looks foul and I think that compounds with the fact that I also just plain don't like diet soda

My point here isn't to say anyone else shouldn't like diet soda, just how I never realized how much of an impact the can has on me not liking it... there's just something offputting about it to me

[orchideae]

In today's episode of 'Sae, do you (...)': the topic of Ningguang and Yelan, and I thought that I should note my opinion more clearly outside of my rules as it's very important information for my portrayal: I do not ship Ningguang and Yelan romantically.

Honestly, while this is of course my own opinion, I don't find that there's anything to really substantiate a romantic interest between the two. For starters, I don't think that Ning, as interesting of a character as she is with a past that might just be similar in its 'rise' to Yelan's (we're left with very little information on the latter's childhood), ticks the right kind of boxes for her, though to be fair: not many do. Yelan craves a specific sort of thrill in her life, I mean she lives it at the roll of a dice because she is, on some level, bored, and craves the unexpected, the unusual, the 'surprise', and Ningguang's life nor personality seem to play into that. Beyond it, Yelan would need a kinship within this very specific 'loneliness' that I talk about too often and I think that Ning is not one who quite meshes into that in the right way.

Second, despite their long-standing history that even predates their mutual involvement with the Qixing, there seems to be a certain professional distance between the two that I'm quite fond of that is shown in brief event cutscenes, and also Yelan's vision story, that I find inherently intriguing. Perhaps this distance plays more into Yelan's character of not investing too heavily, or rather not too easily, into social dynamics than it does Ning's (I'm not one to weigh in on her character), but it seems evident to me that there's also that semblance of professionalism that creates a line that takes away the possibility of growing closer on an emotional level. And whether that's a mutual decision or not is not up to me to judge, but I think it's one that's made rather clearly from Yelan's side. On top of that, Yelan is Yelan and it's my personal belief that shipping her is rather difficult.

Now I'm also inherently of the opinion (unpopular, I know, I apologize) that dynamics aren't always more interesting when written in romantic settings, and I don't think it's a benefit for all of them to veer into a romantic nature. And in my opinion (and most importantly: in my depiction and understanding of Yelan's character), I think that having Ning and Yelan cross the line from professionalism into something inherently more rooted in romanticism, would be a detriment to their dynamic. Because honestly, I think the fact that Ningguang being one of two people (other being Uncle Tian) to know Yelan best, without ever crossing that line, is too good. I would simply, well, just prefer to keep that not only platonic, but professional, but of course not excluding it of Yelan's quips, and the occasional 'confidant' element.

/rambles in tags because I feel like I have more to say that I shouldn't flood the post with.

[pyrriax]

ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏