#sometimes I can't believe that people like my older fics and writing

[gasolinerainbowpuddles]

I'm here to share another brave yet controversial take.

(This is strictly about smut in fics - not plot points, characterizations, etc.)

I think there is a fundamental difference in how different ages interact with smut in fics. In my personal experience and preference, the hottest smut I've read has come from writers whose bios say 30+ or from writers who are close to that age. I think there are factors that contribute to this:

LIFE EXPERIENCE — This doesn't strictly mean number of partners (although I do believe that helps). The older you are, the more people you've come across, and this builds a bigger worldview that allows for nuance and a more understanding of how things move and interplay. It exposes you to more interpersonal dynamics, which are a huge part of sexuality imo.

SCIENCE — Our brains aren't done cooking until around 25. This means logic, decision making, patience, thinking things through, not letting emotions be the driving force behind our actions, etc. don't really solidify until we're well into our formative adult years. This ties into my first point in regards to how a person navigates their world, and there is a different level of understanding that comes with a fully developed brain.

SEXUAL PRIME — Late 20s to mid 40s is considered to be the sexual peak for women (I'm focusing on women because fic writing is mostly women). Heightened sexual fantasies and experiences align with women in that age range, and I think that is an essential factor in creating fantasies that are more erotic and visceral through writing. There is also a confidence that comes with knowing what you want, what you like, how to get those things, comfortability in expressing your sexuality and actively utilizing it, etc.

CRAFT EXPERTISE — Many of the 30ish year old writers I have seen have written for numerous other fandoms over the span of at least a decade, sometimes more. When you've been doing something for that long, it makes sense that their works would be more finely tuned in content and prose.

INTEREST — Writing fic takes a lot of time and effort - emotional and mental. If someone is around the age of 30, chances are they've got more on their plate than someone younger. Maybe they've got more job responsibilities because they've moved up to a managerial position. Maybe they've had a kid or two. Maybe they have dogs and a partner they live with and have to tend to those things in addition to whatever else going on. My point is, somebody who has a lot going on in their life and still makes the effort to write and share fic HAS TO have a strong desire to do it because it is very time consuming.

I'm sure there are more points that I've left out, but this is just what came to mind immediately. I've seen a lot of weird ageist takes on who "should be" writing smut, as if you suddenly stop being horny when you hit 24 or something.

In all honesty, maybe readers who don't enjoy smut written by 30ish year old writers just aren't ready for it? Maybe if you're 19, you're not going to resonate with someone who is in a later point in their life because you haven't come to that maturity yet? And, no, that's not me saying you can't enjoy it because you're "immature." I'm saying you're not there in your life yet, so it's perfectly fine to prefer works from someone who is more of a peer to you.

So perhaps if you find yourself age shaming, applying morality to sexuality, and denigrating fic writers who are 30ish+, maybe just stick with reading fic and smut by people who are where you're currently at in life?

[personasintro]

Hi, its me the yapper!! Once again!! 👋👋

I just wanted to clarify something that both you and other commenters seem to have gotten wrong; Whatever I said was incase of the scenario that you’re not feeling the story like you used to, so writing it has taken longer bcs you do not enjoy it as much but you still want to appease the reader. Hence the unwanted suggestions I made.

In my point of view, it seemed that way so I thought it was inevitable that you one day drop the fic because yes we’re getting older and busier and we drift away from things we loved. Thats why I said “is it really that serious?” because you obviously seem willing to keep writing but the wait has gotten so long that it looks like you’re doing it out of obligation(?!).

Looks like I misjudged and I apologise if thats not the case. But it came out of genuine curiosity because I just cant comprehend such long wait. Thats a me problem ig🤷‍♀️

So what I got out of your response is that yes we might/will see the end of mh in like 1-2 years? (more or less)I get that I sound bitter but I promise I am NOT lmao its pure curiosity I promise!!!

Ps to people who said that that was uncalled for or that its serious to me otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered; As I said I am an avid reader of mh so after a reread I thought I could share my thoughts? Like its genuinely not that serious even to me, I didn’t think twice before sending the ask I did it just because the thought crossed my mind. And l believe the whole waiting thing is a fact, so people’s opinions on it are very much called for?

Is it any of our business how long mimi takes to write? No🙂‍↔️. Are we as readers entitled to an opinion as long as we’re respectful? I’d like to think yes🙂‍↕️

Anywayss have a good one yall

i understood what you meant in your previous ask. and i still stand by what i said many times before – i do not hold here anyone against their will and if anyone feels like they're getting older and lose an interest in any of my stories, that's okay and it's their decision to make. i can't be responsible for everyone's feelings of how they feel about this exact situation. that's beyond my control and you're all free to feel however you want. i do wish people would be more understanding and respectful and that's why i said that no one knows what someone goes through. just because i'm no longer totally open about what's going on in my life, doesn't mean i don't care about my stories.

i'm not writing out of obligation. sure, i do feel a certain responsibility to make mh my priority even more than ever, but it's not an obligation. and i wouldn't just drop the story. i said this too, i'll finish this story whether it's for myself or for everyone else as well.

i said this many times before too – i'm in a position where i write whenever i can and want. i do not have any schedule, actually i never had one – but readers were used to more frequent updates and now, of course it's harder to get used to less frequent updates. but that's just life. i apologized when i never had to. my plans was always to finish mh asap (still is) but sometimes things don't go as planned and there are things i don't even have control of.

i respect your opinion and i'm merely explaining myself on this, hope it can be taken with respect and understanding as well!

have a good day everyone ☀️

[stupidlittlespirit]

Hey this was the anon who said you made Ford a cutie patootie 🥺🥺

I really agree with the whole 'bill and Ford were never romantic' vibe. I do believe Ford cared for Bill in a way, but Bill in general is also the abusive partner that enjoys having you in his arms and the moment you try to leave will make your life a living hell.

I think that's honestly why I hate most asshole!Ford fics lately. Except for your of course! Society really sees abuses victims horribly and especially men. Theres a pretty big part of the Fandom that vilifies Ford in a hateful way. Like I know he's done horrible and yes he treated Stanley and Fiddleford bad. But I wouldn't be surprised if his father never brought up Stanley after he kicked out, and expected his wife and Ford to follow. He if he did it was only negative talk on how useless he was. Ford was a child at the time and as he grew up he probably missed Stanley but was too prideful to pick up the phone first. And then he met Bill.

Someone who praised him and told him he was in the right no matter what. Yes he was awful to Fiddleford. But that's what abusers do. They tear down everyone else who can help you until it's only the two of you against the entire world. And honestly, I'm sorry but Fiddleford needs to get some hate for just leaving Standford like that. Being a friend to someone in an abusive relationship is awful. But if you know that they don't have anyone else, you have to put boundaries, you don't just leave! But I also can't blame Fiddleford all the way.

Idk idk I'm sorry for rambling, but honestly I think that's why most of the fanfic writers who write about Ford really forget that he was so horrifically abused and when as he got older all he felt was shame and he was alone for 30 years with that feeling.

First of all, sorry it took me so long to answer this! My PC is fucked and I needed to sit my ass down and type out a proper answer for you because I have so many feelings on this, anon.

This is all below a cut because it's looooong.

tl;dr if you don't care: Bill put a noose around Ford's neck the moment they met and convinced him it was a scarf until Ford was hanging from the rafters, feet twitching, face blue.

TW: Abuse, suicide.

Anyway, the kitchen is open so let's cook!

Bill is an absolutely horrific being.

I fear that sometimes (oftentimes) he gets the fandom woobification treatment where he becomes entirely The Meme or somebody's silly widdle guy and when it happens so much, especially when certain groups of people are hellbent on saying 'this is canon!' dead seriously, it warps perceptions around him.

He effectively manipulates his audience just as he manipulated Dipper and Ford.

Bill is a demon. Not just any old demon, either: The Demon. THE guy. He's vicious and powerful and manipulative, and sure in TboB we get to see that he carries some significant trauma with him but it doesn't mean he is any less than what he is: Evil.

Some trauma influenced behaviours can be explained, but they can never be excused.

Bill is a push-pull, hot-cold, jerk around asshole who gets off on hurting people because he's so badly hurt himself that it makes him feel good to see others suffer even a fraction of what he experiences. There are two types of people who go through trauma: 1. It happened to me and I was nearly destroyed, I'll never see it happen to another person for so long as I live. OR 2. I suffered so why shouldn't they?

It's pretty clear which category Bill fits into, right? So, while he hurts because he's hurting, he has also just grown accustomed to enjoying the suffering of others. It's sustenance to him.

I remember watching GF for the first time and seeing Bipper, and it awoke something within me: That demon is torturing a child. A CHILD. I hadn't been allowed to watch horror movies much as a kid and seeing this line be crossed where something was literally throwing a 12 year old boy down the stairs, stabbing him with forks, threatening to kill him, was incredible to me. I was floored.

Partially because I think it's good to show kids suffering trauma; they're not immune and they're more often than not the main victims. It's a disservice to make adults comfortable by protecting the children in media imo. Even nowadays I'm pissed off when the child character escapes unscathed from the 'all knowing totally evil demonic force' in a movie because I still crave that rawness and cruelty I saw in Bipper when I was younger.

But I digress. It's also because here was a being so nasty that he'd play GTA 5 in a kid's body just for funsies and to get something that he wants. He'd bully and torture and tease and humiliate. That's rough, man. Real rough. Especially knowing the kid was watching it all happen, completely helpless.

Anyway; Bill memes are fun, but not at the cost of forgetting just what Bill actually is.

When it comes to Ford, Bill does the same thing we saw with Dipper, except Dipper has morals. Dipper has love and light and people to keep him grounded.

Ford had none of that. Ford was abused, just like Stan (though I could go on for hours about the differences), and grew up equating love to success and respect to fear. He was set up for social failure. He was put on a very different track to his peers almost immediately and he was isolated from everyone bar Stan from the moment he was born. Stan grounded Ford and kept him human.

Ford had no chance right from the start. The equation of being smart, knowing you're smart, and then having people Grima Wormtongue in your ear your whole childhood, when you're most malleable, that you're responsible for lifting your family out of poverty, you're the Good Son, you're meant for more, you're the one we love the most but only because you serve a purpose so you better not fail or we'll snatch everything away from you and you'll be just like your purposeless brother.... And you don't want to be like your loser brother who we hate, do you Fordsy?

He doesn't start lost in the sauce, but his head is held under until he has no choice but to breathe it in, and when someone is drowning it's hard to tell from the shore if they're having fun or if they're in trouble. Nobody noticed his distress and if they did, they didn't care. He was vulnerable right from the start.

And you're right about people hating male abuse victims. The stats are really skewed on the amount because there's such shame around coming out about it as a guy that we'll never really know just how prolific it is. The same as sexual assault stats for men. But what I can say is almost every male friend I've ever had has told me about a partner of theirs or an old relationship that is just plain old black and white abusive. Most of the time, they shrug it off or don't even know that's what they suffered, and if I have to watch the light change in another man's eyes when I gently tell him "hey, you know that what you're telling me is that he/she abused you, right?" then I'm going to scream. They're looked down on for coming out about it; considered weak and less manly for it. Humiliated for it.

Now imagine how it was when Ford was a boy in the 40's (or whenever he was born, there are no solid dates afaik). He'll have been raised to believe men are strong and that they don't cry, they don't let people push them around, mental illness isn't real you're just pathetic. It's everything I just mentioned but 1000x more intense. Nowadays, men are laughed at. Back then, you'd be ostracised and made the joke of the town until you killed yourself.

So poor old Ford, who is already on the back foot, ends up suffering for his genius and throwing himself into his work when it becomes apparent to him that he 'has no other uses' as a person. He isn't funny, he isn't handsome, he's a freak, he can't hold conversations (all his opinions and from others) etc etc. All he has is his research and his brain.

He loses himself in it. In his excitement (which is innocent and genuine by the way, I don't believe he had bad intentions), he drags his best friend along (and we'll get to Fidds in a minute, I have a lotta thoughts on him too) and ignores other people's distress because he's having fun and 'doing the right thing' in his opinion, he's driving innovation and he's always been told by other, more prestigious people that he's justified in his cause.

His father probably enforced at a young age that people that get in his way are just trying to hold him back (ie. Stan), so; If the hillbillies in this damn town don't have the IQ to understand me, then they're idiots. It couldn't possibly be that I might be encroaching on their lives or causing them problems and getting in their way whilst they try to work as labourers or whatever, it's because they're wrong and I'm right.

And of course, there were times when Ford didn't really actually do anything wrong and was met with animosity, but he didn't have the social skills to diffuse the situation and explain himself in layman terms, so it fed into this Ouroboros of try to be nice and social - fail - create friction - get lost in research - create friction - try to be social - fail etc.

So he's not getting socialisation from others, he's pushing Fiddleford as hard as he can and Fiddleford understandably has other interests to balance which makes him slowly seem less invested, and then, conveniently, up pops Bill.

Bill, who agrees with everything Ford says. Bill, who justifies all the thoughts and feelings Ford has ever had. Bill, who tells Ford everything he's ever wanted to hear from his father and his peers and his brother and his wildest dreams.

Bill, who knows how isolation and flattery works to weaken prey.

You have to admit: Bill's work was impressive. He spent a year, maybe even longer, committing to the bit over Ford. Giving him everything he wanted, feeding his ego, making it seem like all he was doing was helping him and encouraging him and propping him up.

Ford had had a weak form of that before from other people, but those people were parasites. Bill presented as the host and he offered Ford a crutch for the first time in his life. A friend, an equal, possibly someone of even higher standing.

And Ford, who has NO social skills, no street smarts, no emotional awareness, had no idea that nothing comes for free from somebody like Bill, so he jumped into the shallow pool from the 100 meter board with both feet down, eyes shut and hands off the wheel. Ford was desperate for someone to meet him on his level and the moment somebody did, he let himself be swept away by it.

Which, of course, was Bill's plan all along. Bill had probably always been around Ford when he'd first come to Gravity Falls. He'd been watching and waiting for the right time to strike, as ambush predators do, and the moment Ford had stumbled on a metaphorical crack in the path and exposed a weak spot, up pops Bill to hold his hand and tell him that the pavement was in the wrong the whole time and really, Ford shouldn't have to look where he's putting his feet, the whole world should just move for him instead.

From there, it would have been easy.

I think Ford likes to think he's complex and hard to read, and he probably is to people who don't recognise his type, but he's a fucking picture book to the people that do. That's why he works so hard to make himself seem cool and mysterious: because he's really obviously none of those things but simple smoke and mirrors go a long way to confuse people who don't care to look any deeper or are too naïve to do so. If people see the real him, they'd laugh at him (in his opinion).

So Bill, with all his flattery and gassing up, would have let Ford think the ball was in his court for a while, and Ford, emboldened by lies and a literal god-like being telling him he was right (plus everyone else from his past telling him the same thing), got bolder and more intense and lost himself without even really realising it was happening.

Ford, in his enthusiasm, pressed on Fidds even harder and was disappointed that the only man he cared about (other than his brother, because we know he still loved Stan dearly) wasn't able to match his stride. After all, I think Ford probably thought Fidds was the closest thing to an equal he'd ever had, and Bill used Fidds' hesitation to push Ford further away from him.

Once Ford was fully blinded, Bill began to cut off the blood to the other parts of Ford's lifeforce (and there weren't many to begin with) with delicate expertise that even the most prolific of abusers would die to achieve.

And don't forget that Bill also loves attention (he's a genuine egotistical maniac, whereas I don't think Ford is inherently egotistical, I think he's a product of his environment) and Ford gave him that unconditionally because Ford thought that blind worship equates to love, which is only possible through fear and forced, submissive respect. By cutting off Ford's other connections, Bill got all the attention to himself.

That's where the fun part started for Bill. Bill started to make him second guess himself. He tricked him under the guise of helping and then, without Fidds to ground him, Ford bought into all of it. He told Ford the townsfolk hated him because he was better than them, he told Ford he was too good for everyone else, his brother, etc. Bill effectively became Filbrick's voice in Ford's head. He needed to control Ford.

People think 'seduction' is inherently sexual or romantic, but it isn't. Seduction is manipulation in its purest form. Seduction is negative. It is used to pull people away from their path in order to convince them to give up or go against the part of themselves that knows better. It lowers one's guard. It gets under someone's skin and convinces them it belongs there. I've been a sex worker for 10 years; trust me when I tell you I have a PhD in both doing this and being victim to it. (I'm also an abuse survivor and my abusers trained me well in this which is hard to unlearn at times.)

Bill seduced Ford into thinking he was safe and in control right up until the last moment when Bill could strike. He put a noose around Ford's neck the moment they met and convinced him it was a scarf until Ford was hanging from the rafters, feet twitching, face blue.

Ford was never in love with him and Bill wasn't with Ford. You can't be in a situation like that. Ford respected Bill and to command the respect of someone like Ford? Well, you'd have to be pretty special, in Ford's opinion.

Bill only wanted to possess Ford, literally and figuratively. He wanted something to control and use and keep as a pet while he got what he wanted. Every king needs a jester.

There are signs that Bill also, deep down, might have wanted a friend and to be understood in the same way Ford did, but it was a small part of him that came second to his desire to hurt. Bill was also an outcast and he knew how vulnerable that makes a person; why else are all his henchmaniacs outcasts too? Because it's easy to persuade a person with no support into a perceived 'found family' than it is to do it to someone who is grounded by love. It becomes a game of in-group out-group.

Ford saying no to Bill would have taken great strength after all that time and as soon as Bill doesn't get what he wants, he destroys. It would have been an immediate punishment and that whiplash would have been vicious.

Ford, with no real friends, would have considered Bill his bestie, effectively.

Now, idk if you've ever been betrayed by someone you love as a best friend, but it is INFINITELY more painful than a regular breakup. Like, impossibly so. Especially when you don't have many to begin with and you're already damaged by abuse.

My love for my best friends runs deeper than any romantic partner I have ever had and will ever have. To be betrayed (and for me, it was seriously significant) was the worst feeling in the world and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I attempted suicide (conflated by other things but also because of this friend betraying me) and I will never get over their betrayal. I am wary of getting close to others now because of that and I don't think I'd ever be friends with someone so intimately again, beyond the best friend I have currently (shout out @/ghostbu, i love u).

So to experience a rug pull of astronomical proportion would have been devastating for Ford. We see Ford try to leave, try to say no again and again, literally begging, only to have his life threatened, his body violated, his work destroyed, his entire existence made into nothing. Which is a hard enough fall for someone with a big ego, but for someone who is also vulnerable and frankly, quite very emotional alongside being intelligent, would be gutting. Some people miss Ford's emotionality and reduce him to being The Smart Guy and I think that's a disservice.

So Ford was utterly ripped to shreds, both physically and emotionally, until he could only turn to the person he knew would still come running: Stan.

Stan adores his brother, so of course he came when Ford clicked his fingers. Ford, I think, also adores Stan, but is so manipulated by everybody else in his life that he convinces himself that his emotions do him a disservice and make him weak (as mentioned before about old attitudes), so he can't 'lower' himself to examine them. Bill doesn't help with that, either.

Stan came running and we all know what happened next.

Ford then spends 30 years NOT being the smartest guy in the room and realising he never really was the smartest guy in the room outside of academia. That kind of ego death is brutal and he would have gone through some incredible soul searching in that time period, which is why I think there are several versions of Ford that exist. Childhood/College!Ford, Research-era!Ford and Post portal!Ford. They all different men to me, personally.

So yeah, he's a deeply difficult character to understand imo and he's often a paradox because he doesn't know how to hold all these emotions in tandem; he's black and white, not grey.

Now, onto Fidds:

You gotta remember, Fidds had no idea what Bill was doing to his beloved friend.

Ford kept him a secret because in his view (a view manipulated by Bill), 'they'd never understand us. They'd separate us'. A common sentiment by people being abused. 'They' being really anybody with half a brain who saw how dangerous Bill was and cared about Ford.

Fidds was already absolutely terrified by the stuff he was seeing. My guy grew up on a pig farm in the country, he wasn't prepared for all this stuff to be real. Even Ford didn't know the supernatural was provably real before he came to Gravity Falls.

Now, I love cryptids but if I came across a dogman or bigfoot in real life, I'd fucking shit myself. They're scary! They'll kill you!

He also saw his best friend fucking lose his mind and that's really frightening too, especially with no one around to help.

Fidds had people that loved him back home (and I know he wasn't great to them, that's a different kettle etc) and relied on him. He had a life outside of his research; a son, a wife, a family and probably other friends. He had something to lose. If he died, it would have an effect.

Ford was cavalier because the only thing he thought he had to lose at that point was his work (not true, of course, but in head I think his life came second to his work).

Fiddleford was a victim of Ford's unintentional abuse. And Ford did abuse people, even if he was also being abused. The cycle of abuse is, unfortunately, very very real and it can't be justified just because someone who inflicts it was also a victim: Manson was abused, but no one excuses his crimes.

Explanation, not excuse, remember?

I think Ford was turned into a bad person temporarily and Fidds bore the brunt of that and went on to neglect his own family because he was also being isolated by Ford.

It's so fucking tragic and I could go on for hours about this (I already have, this took me two hours to write). They're really complex people and it does frustrate me when people pooh-pooh them as silly yaoi babies or as just plain bad people. It's never that simple.

And disclaimer: Everyone is entitled to their interpretations, obviously. They're not my characters and this is my own interpretation, so it isn't 'right', it's just how I see them as somebody who experienced similar things as Ford and Stan (minus the literal demonic element).

Whew sorry for rambling!

[redhead-batgal]

I hope you do oh miss believer part 3 sometime soon! It’s ok if you’re not feeling that story anymore tho <3

Type: Fic

Part One: Here, Part Two: Here

Pairing: Fem! Vigilante! And Meta! Reader x Damian Wayne/ Robin

Content: Violence, language, flash backs, depressive thoughts, angst, and aged up Damian/reader to 16/17 yrs old

Word Count: 2,573

(P.S: Soooo I can try to write a reaction of the bat fam to the end of part one, or I can write the next part of this one next time. Let me know what y'all want in the comments please! also get ready for some fun angsty angsty times)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are many things in this world that seem unnatural. Paradoxes or impossibilities. People tend to fear the unnatural, to ostracize it and even harm it. Regardless of whether or not said impossible and unnatural thing is living- regardless of if it's human.

To humanity, unnatural things were to be feared and destroyed. They were threats, in a way, to the "peaceful" society that had been created through blood shed and inequality. A society that has classes and impoverished people, that kept growing and growing; saw things they deemed unnatural, not worthy of life. Why is that? Why does such a society fear so greatly the unnatural, the unknown and impossible?

It seemed to you that they feared the unnatural because of the power mystery gave it. Because what they do not know, they cannot control. And if they can't control something, it cannot be a part of society. Which unfortunately meant you were left on your own; fighting to survive against an environment that deemed you a danger. Even more unfortunately, for society at least, you had bad habit of becoming everything everyone feared you'd be.

An unnatural danger, set on destroy the society that cast it out.

How very, very natural, right?

You could still remember the very first time someone deemed you unnatural- unworthy of comfort in this shitty shitty world.

You must have been no older then six, out scrounging on the streets for pity coin you could use to help your parents out. A rattied hat made from old newspaper by your side as you made your misty and small illusions appear. Desperate for anyone to take an interest. Unsurprisingly, the person who did was anything but kind and far from merciful.

The small boy had shouted at you, laughed, sneered and beaten you to a bloodied pulp. Stealing all of the meager change you had managed to earn as he called you a witch over his shoulder bolting away.

While this was your first actual encounter with such people, you were not surprised. Your mother had warned you of such people.

"Vicious monsters," She had said beginning to explain why you had to be careful in the world, "they like to prey upon those they deem weaker, those who they think are unnatural and strange."

She shook her head as she continued to knit, though somewhat sloppily, "They don't like people who they can't control, they don't like that you're different."

You looked up at her with wide eyes as you tilted your head and she paused. She let out a soft sigh before setting down her knitting and pulling you into her arms.

"My sweet little miss believer, this world is going to be cruel to you simply because you exist. There's nothing your father or I can do to stop it other then pulling you in close like this and letting you know they are wrong."

She rested your head against her chest as she began to rock slightly squeezing you in her arms as she softly began to hum.

"They are wrong because you are a darling gem. A wise and wonderful girl who should not let the world push you down."

Cupping your face in her hands she smiled, tears lining her eyes, "You are my little miss believer, you know many things and have such faith. Do not allow these people to cause you to lose that faith. Faith in your father and I, faith in humanity, faith in your own skills or just merely faith in yourself."

Her words rang far too deep into the truth. Scars, both physical and emotions covered your body the older you got. But you still had your mother and father there, to nurse your spirit back to its brightness... until you didn't anymore.

The night was dark and growing colder and colder by the minute. Your father had disappeared merely a week before and you did not plan on letting him stay gone without answers.

Lurking around the usual street corners you heard the crackling of thunder and through the dense musty smell of Gotham's streets, you could smell rain. Sweet and clear, dancing in the clouds yearning to be released. Pulling your jacket in closer, you slipped down an alleyway, hoping to find answers and remain unseen. After all you had a reputation for causing trouble amongst the rouges and criminals, and tonight was the last night you needed trouble to catch you once again.

Though you had not heard of any rogues causing any chaos, you knew better then to trust the night would remain silent. It's current silence sent shivers down your spine. Silence was a deadly tool, used to confused and trick the naive into false senses of security. It was a tool you yourself had used and yet- something about tonight's silence made you on edge.

Looking around you almost sensed danger as the hairs on your arms stood on edge. Your heart racing as the silence screamed into your mind. Just as you had settled with yourself to finally venture home, a hand clamped down on your shoulder.

A shriek of sorts almost escaped you and you turned to find your fuming mother.

"Y/n! I thought I told you to be home before eleven?"

Though startled you merely blinked, allowing your mother to drag you back down the alleyway, towards the way home. Your heart hammered in your chest. Regardless of all your broken promises to come home on time, your mother had never- ever come out looking for you.

"Mom," You said, finally finding your voice, "what are you doing out here?!"

Your mother froze tilting her head a scowl of sorts on her face with dropped almost instantly. She let go of your hand and slowed to a stop, looking you over she sighed, taking a moment to tuck your hair behind your ear.

"I was worried, I heard that one of the nastier rouges was out tonight and I didn't want you to be out."

At first a wave of warmth washed over you. It, however, turned icy cold as you processed the rest of your mother's sentence.

'One of the nastier rouges'

Your heart skipped a beat and you grasped onto your mother's hand. Swallowing you met her gaze and forced a slow breath out.

"Mom, which one did you hear was out?"

It took her a moment to reply, as her brow furrowed, and she squeezed your hand.

"The Joker."

Your heart actually stopped, you struggled to breath as news reports and alley whispers raced over your mind.

"I heard that the bats pissed joker off so he's shooting for a big one this time."

"I heard that he lost Batman's attention and wants it back."

"Well, I heard that he's finally sick of his cat and mouse game and plans on taking as many civilians as possible with him when he goes."

Finally breathing again, you pulled your mother forward. Heart racing as your mind screamed to run. Your legs began to pump, your mother stumbling to keep up behind you her soft protests barely catching your ears.

"Shit- oh shit, mom we've gotta go."

You had just come up on a corner, knowing once you went down the alley just by here, you'd be two blocks from your complex. It didn't help though, your heart hammered to quickly you could hear your own heartbeat without even thinking about it.

"What? Honey," Your mom began shaking her head and causing you to stop, "it's fine we're almost home and-"

Your mouth began moving before you could stop yourself and you began pulling her again, finally rounding the corner, "No mom you don't understand this guy has been amping up his attacks recently and-"

Just as you did you came face to face with a goon in white makeup and a sinister red smile. He raised something strange, and time seemed to slow as you heard him pressing on a trigger.

"Y/N!" Your mother's shout echoed in your ears as she shoved you to the side.

You tumbled towards the ground screams ripping from you as you watched a fine mist encompass her entire face, "MOM NO!"

The mist faded as a blurry figure slammed the goon into the ground. Your mother slumped slightly as you darted to her side, her body shook, and you looked her over trying to find any damage only to hear a bone chilling sound.

"Ha-ha-ha."

You trembled as your mother raised her head, a large sinisterly familiar smile on her face.

"Mommy? Mommy, no. Please, no. NO!"

A jolt of sorts raced through you as you opened your eyes. A bright light slamming straight into them and sending spots racing across your vision.

"Aw, look," A mocking voice began, "our little Houdini's finally awake."

A piercing ache began at the base of your skull as you forced yourself to sit up. Faintly recalling your last moments, as rain poured down and you made the choice to finally let go.

Blinking you pressed a hand to your face, a sloshing of sorts following you as you found yourself immersed in a small pool of greenish water. Wincing you tried to look around the room- to understand where you were and what was going on.

Your eyes slowly adjusted, revealing that you were in a small cavern of sorts. A woman in a strange outfit stood nearby as a man in a dark clothing loomed over you. You watched as the woman motioned at someone just beyond your view muttering things you could not here.

"Hello there little one," the man began capturing your attention, "I am glad to see you're awake."

You swallowed feeling the headache fade slightly as you shifted. These people and this place did not seem familiar. You too a slow breath looking down to see your own hands and body before looking back up.

"Who are you?" You whispered, your voice cracking, throat dry and aching.

The man smiled, but something about it made you uneasy. He merely stared at you, replying, "A doctor of sorts."

You paused furrowing your brow, "So I'm not dead?"

The man- doctor- whatever he was laughed as he took a step back. Making temporary eye contact with the woman behind him. She had an odd look about her and you could have sworn you spotted a cat like mask before the man captured your attention again.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," You replied wincing again as you stepped out of the pool rising to your feet, "is that normal?"

He tilted his head, "In a sense yes."

His short responses had your mind racing, he was being so vague and something- something about all of this just seemed off.

"Uh okay. Then is fine to assume I'll get better right?"

The man nodded as the woman smiled at you. You narrowed your eyes still not entirely understanding what was going on or what had happened. You were sure that the fall would have killed you and- and you could still remember the impact.

"Wha-" You began as a wave of defenseness washed over you, "what is going on?"

"Whatever do you mean little Houdini?" The woman asked her eyes glinting.

"Who are you? Where am I? How am I still alive? And what the fuck happened?"

Your demand echoed in the cave like chamber causing the woman to smile even more. She even began to laugh and the man stepped in-between the two of you.

"Just please calm yourself, Y/N L/N. All will be explained soon."

You locked your jaw, a buzzing of sorts climbing up your chest as you began to grind your teeth. Tingles raced across your hand, a tell tale sign your body yearned to release some engery. To produce the false images and twist the illusions into exsistance.

"When?"

The man paused before the sound of footsteps approached. He went still and so did the woman behind him. A wave of fury rose up in your chest, were you such a fuck up you even fucked up dying? Was it possible that something else was going on? Regardless of your current internal turmoil you needed answers.

"Would someone please answer my fucking questions?!"

Just as your frustrated shout escaped a new woman walked into the room. She breezed past the first and stopped right in front of you. Allowing you to get a good look of her and a better grasp of the situation. She was dressed in a green and gold trimmed dress, her dark brown hair spilling around her face, dark skin and sharp bone structure that screamed Arabic descent. And her eyes, her bright- familiar green eyes stared at you with a curious gaze.

"I would be happy to, Y/N."

Something about her- whether be her eyes, her voice or face- something seemed familiar- so familiar you let your guard down.

"Where am I?"

The woman smiled, "Safe in my home."

It wasn't entirely a bad answer, but once again a vague one. And despite your concerns on where you were at you had to know one thing.

"How did I survive that fall? I just can't wrap my head around it."

The woman went still before she softly laughed moving a bit closer to you, "You didn't."

You froze as you answer caused your breath to stop, "What?"

"You didn't survive. In fact, that fall killed you, you died."

"But- wha- how? Am, am I dead?"

"Not anymore, but you were."

"I was- what do you mean I was dead? How can that be possible?"

The woman's smile deepened, and she took a step even closer, "You're not asking the right questions."

Grinding your teeth, you met her gaze and raised your chin frustration and desperation climbing up your throat, "Fine, who are you then?"

"Much better, I am Talia."

Something about that name set off warning bells in your head and your stiffened, allowing your guard to rise as you eyed the woman.

"Where am I? I want specifics."

"The league."

Your blood went cold as a realization began to dawn on you, "The league?"

"Yes, the league; assassins, shadows, what have you. You, are at one of the bases for the League."

"And- and-"

"I am Talia Al Ghul, and I brought you back to life."

You went still as everything began to click into place. The green water, the man and woman nearby, the vagueness- how you are alive, and you looked at Talia swallowing. The familiarity. This was Damian's mother, the person who you died trying to run from.

"You brought me back with the pit?" You whispered your voice trembling and cracking.

"Unbeknown to my beloved, son and the rest of his rabble, yes... so any more questions?"

You swallowed as your world began to scream and burn as it crashed down. They- they thought- no they knew you had died and- and no one would come save you this time. You were on your own you were alone.

You shook your head, refusing to let your voice tremble, "No."

"Good, because I have a lot of work for you..." Talia paused looking over her shoulder to the other woman, "what did cheshire call you? Ah, yes. Little Houdini."

Digging your nails into your palm you tried to calm your breathing as Talia tucked your hair behind your ear smiling.

"Let's get to work my Little Houdini."

Tag List:

@andromedaj2003 @thomasbeloved @instabull @zvtanna @daemonnix96 @krswrites @thefallingstarlights @masset-fotia @rrowwii @ssak-i @legendarylearner18

[hailqiqi]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

Thank you for the ask!! Also thank you for the ask @womaninwinter and @menina89 -- yes I have three of these (sometimes I think with us lot it's now a game of 'who gets to tag everyone first' ak;ljd;akd)

I'm scanning my list on AO3 now...

the world is out there, my dear, but we're in here (VLD) This fic is really short & I'm a little bit surprised it gets my #1 spot, to be honest, but every time I look at even just the title I hear the rain. It's an inspired bit of writing, and I have no idea how the hell I did it. (Trivia: Somebody wrote it a comment that was longer than the actual fic and I adore that person.)

these secrets beneath your fingertips (Lockwood) I really enjoyed writing this, but i have no idea how it ended up like this. I think it's known by people as the murder fic? But I really enjoy how much tension there is in the first part, and how meltingly, exhaustedly warm the second part is by contrast. Funnily enough I thought it was just a very tense detective/action sequence but didn't think the content was too bad; then the ladies beta-ing for me said 'Qiqi, what the fuck is this' and a lot of the comments also said 'Qiqi, what the fuck' so apparently I watched too much SVU as a teenager.

Worse (Lockwood) This was close with secrets for #2, but I reread secrets more often so I think that gets the higher spot for enjoyability. I'm extremely proud of this one; I'd always been a bit scared to attempt a George POV but I think I did really well, and I also think I nailed the action here (which VLD friends may remember that I was always a bit too nervous to attempt action!). Trivia here: Worse contains the line ‘Lucy! Please, come on! The place is tearing itself apart!’ and literally everybody who beta-read this fic said 'Hey, that line's a bit redundant. It's such a weird thing for him to say. You should cut it.' Alas, I couldn't cut it as that line is lifted directly from The Hollow Boy (and, funnily enough, Lucy immediately points out in her narration that it's a bit redundant). This little factoid always makes me giggle.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like a Christmas Carol (VLD) Ahhhhhhh I think we knew this had to be on here, right? This fic was so much fun to write, it was like a fever dream. I still can't believe that @sp4c3-0ddity, @rueitae and I co-ordinated and banged out almost 20,000 words of fic in the space of what, five days?? And yes, that five days is from 'Hey, wouldn't it be cool if we...' to posting. And we all have vastly different writing styles and slightly different characterisation habits, yet somehow we managed to share a single POV and keep it pretty cohesive. At the time I was proud of us, now I'm older and (supposedly) wiser I'm even more proud of us. We did great. @fromageinterrupted likes to say she reads it every year in the holiday season and I do the same (and then just every so often...) because it's a fun fic.

A Handy Excuse (Lockwood) | Sunshine and Phone Lines (VLD) | so it turns out I kind of missed you (VLD) | Here (VLD) OK I'm kind of cheating here, because I couldn't pick a favourite for fifth. - A Handy Excuse was a blast to write -- it was fun having 6 people in the same google doc, all writing out separate parts -- yep, we all wrote in the same doc to put our shame on full display. Which was really cool (I think most of us have the instinct to write in a separate doc and only contribute to the shared doc when we have a finished draft to polish, but we were all very brave and wrote from scratch in the one). I love how the pieces come together; my part was an absolute blast to write (can I admit publicly now that I did Kipps? I got to find out the name of the circus tune!) and the story itself is a really cute read that always makes me smile. - Sunshine and Phone Lines is my one foray into a modern AU and I had a lot of fun writing it. It's probably the one thing that I can throw at somebody with no knowledge of any fandom and say 'hey, I wrote this'. I like how it feels sunny, just the vibes are very positive in the whole piece, and I am an absolute sucker for a bit of dramatic irony. I always end up smiling when I reread this, too. - so it turns out I kind of missed you is another really fun piece. It's short, it's funny, it's sweet -- honestly it's another one I could probably file the serial numbers off of if I wanted. Lance's brother makes me laugh every time I read it, it's another one of those stories that you reread and end up smiling -- though this time it's the big, the-sun-just-came-out type smile. - Here is going to ruin the vibes of all these sunny fluff fics I have in at #5 becuase it is angst. But it's angst with a lot of love and comfort. Evidently I had a thing with water falling when I wrote plangst, because the world... has rain and this one is in a shower. I love how quietly intimate it is, and how it demonstrates how strong the bonds of friendship and care can be. (I feel like it was originally supposed to be a shippy fic but part-way through writing I threw that out the window? It's Gen, really, but I tagged it with the ship so my friends would see it.)

This is supposed to be an ask game but I've now got two hours to knock out about 8 hours' worth of work so.. tags it is!

@rueitae @sp4c3-0ddity @uptoolateart @fromageinterrupted @almostlikequake @worldofkaeos

[arvadthecursed]

haven't said anything about it here but. I am very deeply saddened by Liam's death.

I remember hearing "What Makes You Beautiful" for the first time and being astonished. I grew up an ugly duckling with very few friends. And here was a band telling me I didn't know I was beautiful, and that was the reason I was wonderful. It gave me a sense of hope, that maybe yeah, I couldn't see my own beauty but maybe others could.

And, as y'all know, I have auDHD. I didn't have the words to explain how I felt as a kid. I just knew that I felt wrong, like I was an alien compared to other girls. I got picked on a lot and sometimes didn't realize it til after; or sometimes, no one would talk to me because my interests were "too weird." But 1D gave me something to talk to other girls about. We talked about our favorite boys, the music, and yes, the fanfic. I know RPF is often looked down upon now but when I was 11-13, we commonly passed it around. The "kidnapped by 1D" fics were popular for a reason: escapism, which, for hormonal, emotional tweenage girls, is super important. I remember reading Dark (yes, THAT Dark) in 7th grade because the girls were passing it around in FB chats. Now, we shouldn't have been reading that particular fic at that age, of course, but we were 13, of course we were gonna read it lol. We giggled over how shocking it was and showed it to our friends bc that's what 13 yr old girls do.

I made my first real best friend because of 1D. We bonded over watching videos of the guys together, buying J14 and Tiger Beat for the posters we would meticulously put on our walls, listening to the music. We made fanpages on Facebook together where we would write imagines and post pictures of the guys. We called each other our favorite guys' nicknames and hell, my first url on Tumblr was "hayitstommo" after Louis. My first posts on this site almost 12 years ago were 1D related. That friend and I supported each other through tough times; I helped her when her mother was sick, and she comforted me when my grandma died. I won't ever forget that bond.

And I know about the allegations against Liam, absolutely. I believe Maya. I feel deeply for her in this situation as I know she's received horrible vitriol for something that was not her fault. I can't imagine what she's feeling right now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's this weird grief in me. I am sad for Liam, for his family, for Maya, for my fellow fans. But I'm also grieving that sense of community I didn't really realize I had lost til now. 1D let me connect to others and feel like a girl for the first time in my life, when, as I said before, I had felt like an alien, like I could never belong. The music made me happy. The ability to talk to girls who otherwise would've stuck their nose up at me bolstered my confidence, especially when I felt so wrong inside from undiagnosed neurodivergence.

The emotions I feel about Liam himself are complicated. I know he struggled with drug addition; I know he was an abuser. I know he was one of the guys who gave me my greatest comfort in one of the worst years of my life, when I had to move houses, my grandma died, and then I had to move states. I know he was flawed and I had put him on a pedestal as a kid because kids don't have full pictures of their idols.

I keep thinking about all this. The outpouring of love from Directioners -- even people like me, who wouldn't call themselves that now but certainly identified with the fandom was kids -- has been astounding. I think we're all feeling a very weird sense of grief right now, knowing what we know about Liam, his untimely death, and our relationship with the band and how it's changed over the years. There are fond memories I will always have that were because of 1D. But now that I'm older, I have a more nuanced perspective, and that gives me this weird grief in my chest that hasn't gone away since I heard the news.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. I hope this kind of conveys how I feel.

[copperbadge]

I know that it’s been a Very Long Time but do you ever get terribly nostalgic for old/less active fandoms? I confess I recently came back to tumblr and saw that I followed you. I was like, of course Sam storyteller, the Bucky guy. But then I got a hankering for my older and dearer by far love Ianto Jones and went back to reread some of the greatest hits and I remembered. You are not the Loki guy. You are the Ianto guy, to me, and I can’t believe I forgot that. I miss that fandom so much it was so fucking. Toxic. The Gwen bashing, I simply cannot romanticize it in good conscience. But the fic quality and diversity was, dare I say it, nearly unparalleled (in my heart). Like when it hit it really hit you know? A golden age of trashy sci fi indeed. I miss my dead welsh son. Sorry to ramble in your ask box about the dubious old days

Anon, I am so sorry, a bunch of my asks got pushed way down in the inbox and then I forgot they were there, so apologies this is MONTHS late in getting posted.

I, eh, I don't really get nostalgic for old fandoms. Usually I leave them for a reason, but even if I just drift away, my experience of a fandom is pretty fundamentally different from most because of my higher profile. There are things I can't do or say in a fandom that other people could, and there are things that happen to me outside of my control. They're not even necessarily bad things, just stuff like...I'll write a fic in a new fandom, and people from my previous fandom will start engaging with the canon because I did. So often, rather than just falling away from a fandom, I'll leave a fandom and drag a bunch of people with me. They might not even leave the older fandom, but they come along to the new one too.

And often the wanks that pull people in without their consent simply don't touch me because there's a portion of fandom that is either scared of me (or my readers) or just doesn't want anything to do with me. I can't determine which.

Torchwood's a pretty good case in point -- the Gwen bashing was extreme. I wasn't a fan of Gwen but what I saw from the antigwenallies was really, really gross. Still, even though I wrote fic about Gwen and engaged in meta around her presence in the show, I avoided them and thus had exactly one interaction with them ever, which was when they posted up a fic of mine as "anti-Gwen" and I asked them to remove it and never recc anything of mine again. They did, and that was the end of that. Nobody ever came to my posts to attack her or me. Likewise, there was one really, really aggressive anti-Ianto wanker, but she never engaged with me or even as far as I know talked about me, despite the fact I was a huge Ianto fan and wrote a lot of fic about him. I really hated the shit she said, but I also didn't see any value in arguing, so I left her alone and she left me alone. (I won't name her because I checked up on her a few years ago and it turns out she was struggling with serious mental health issues that she'd gotten a lot of help for, and felt really terrible about the things she'd done, so I'm actually quite proud of her. But if you know you know.)

I also just...have a bad memory, so I often don't remember what happened in a fandom, or even sometimes that I was in a fandom. Most of the memories I do have are either vaguely warm and friendly, or "avoid this fandom/person at all costs" based in a negative interaction (which I sometimes don't remember the details of).

So yeah...I mean, Torchwood ended pretty terribly so I don't miss it in part because I try not to think about it. Generally if I have a good time in a fandom and then leave it, it's because I simply said all I had to say there. But I'm usually looking forward, not back, just because the past is a bit of a fog bank for me, most of the time.

[attorneytrash]

I really really really love Such Terrible Tales, it's one of my favorite fanfictions of all time!! I was wondering how you write a "period piece" so well with all the terminology, dialog, and flow of the work feeling so reminiscent of 19th-20th century novels! (It still has its roots and humor in the modern era, but you get me.) Do you do a lot of research and editing before you publish a chapter or does it just flow naturally for you? Did you read a ton of Jane Austen and bodice rippers before penning the Jackdaw? Have you you plotted out Such Terrible Tales in full before writing or do you just fly by the seat of your pants (or do you do a mix of both)? Sorry if this is nosy, I'm just so curious and invested and I'm looking into writing fanfictions that captures a similar feeling myself ^q^

OH MY GOSH HIIIIIIII wait i've never gotten one of these before. this is so exciting. fair warning my advice will be terrible but you did ask

first off thank you I can't believe you think i write a good "period piece" (what is the period? we just don't know) because I feel like i'm so slapdash about it and it's all Vibes. ANYWAY I'M REALLY REALLY HAPPY YOU'RE ENJOYING THE FIC. TRULY

genuinely one of the reasons I started writing STT in the first place was because I was on a kick of reading stuff that takes place in that general era (again, what the actual era is remains unclear). A few people have pointed out the Jane Austen of it all, and I think when I was in the middle of reading an austen novel you can tell because of the language in those chapters. basically, I don't know if this is true of everyone, but I tend to lean into the style of whatever I'm reading at the time. I also think it helps, if you like audiobooks, to listen to audiobooks in the style you want to write in! Especially with older works, audiobook narrators are really good at getting the flow and cadence of the language across, and it helps get your mind flowing along and sort of "hooked in" to that style. or it does for me at least!

ALSO I do jot down a lot of notes, specifically little turns of phrase that I like! so for example, I wrote down to use the word "directly" meaning "right now" (as in, "I will read you the letter directly") and "presently" meaning "in a short time" (as in, "we're expecting his arrival presently"). Little things like moving words around too ("what have you there" rather than "what do you have there" etc) give it that sort of feel. if that makes sense. i just take a lot of notes

One tip I will give is that a little really goes a long way with old-timey language. I notice it less when listening to the audiobooks, but in older books the sentences are LOOOOOOOONG which is what makes them so hard to parse sometimes. And often in romance novels that take place in victorian or regency era they'll overdo the language to the point that it makes you roll your eyes (though I'm sure I've done that once or twice too)

ANYWAY I'M PRATTLING ON SORRY as for the plotting. I have a bare-bones skeleton that has all the larger plot twists in it, so I can make sure to foreshadow things. That being said, I think part of what's fun about a serial fic is coming up with things as you go while still having to stay true to what you've already written. One thing I will say is that it's EXTREMELY helpful to keep a couple cheat sheets: one is a timeline, which keeps track of all the events that happened in the past, when they happened, etc. The other is a list keeping track of what every character knows and when they find it out. It's saved me many times when I've forgotten who's aware of what secrets etc.

YOU'RE NOT NOSY AT ALL and in fact I'm seriously thrilled to get an ask like this bc i could talk about writing for days. I hope your fic goes well and that you have fun with it ^^

[caitlynnrosespn]

Need Help With Jack?

I AM NOT SAYING YA'LL ARE DOING IT WRONG I AM JUST HERE TO HELP WITH SOME OF THE TRICKIER PARTS OF HIM OKI

Before we begin I just wanna say that I have CPTSD (what he would reasonably have from his childhood) and I am have been doing theater and performances for a very long time, so while I don't have a perfect understanding of Jack there are some things I can help with (by the way @the-l-is-silent-yall did a great post about writing Mihaly which encouraged me to post this so check that out)

This is going to be long, so here we go:)

First off. His makeup.

I've seen some people say he is wearing makeup to seem more feminine, but that's not really the purpose of this kind of makeup. This is a type of makeup that is formerly known as contemporary makeup. In traditional western theater, it is used on performers (usually actors or dancers) to highlight their features so they don't fade in the bright stage lights. Without it, performers would look washed out or blank to the audience. It is composed of powder, foundation, rouge, lipstick, and eyeliner. Female or feminine presenting performers will also wear mascara, and some actors will apply highlighter and bronzer to accentuate or create features depending on the character they play, but actors of all gender orientation will have to wear some sort of makeup. The most telling mark of Jack wearing this type of makeup is the eyeliner and lipstick, which helps you more clearly see his features when the camera zooms out. It also helps the performer's features stand out, since he is covered in white paint. Now up close this makeup looks like it's too much makeup or it makes his features look weird, but that's the point. I have had directors tell me "if you look in the mirror and see a clown, you are doing it right." Theater makeup of any kind looks over exaggerated up close on purpose, so it reads to the audience who is far away.

Next let's talk about how to write a very important part of his story: his trauma.

Now I've seen a lot of fics talk about Jack's relationship with The Traveler, and how there is mutual distrust, and how basically Jack is afraid of The Traveler in the same way Jack fears Nightswan. While I'm not saying this is necessarily wrong, (although I would love to see The Traveler be a good father just this once) it would make more sense if Jack was afraid of someone else:

Si'ha Nova.

In Jack's life, most of his trauma and insecurity came from his mother. He was raised to believe that Nightswan's treatment of him was normal among all families. Because that trauma came from Nightswan, he has a bigger chance of struggling with women in parental roles rather than men in father roles. Because most of my trauma was from my dad and other men, I had a hard time trusting older men. PLEASE don't take this the wrong way and think "oh, see he hates women." NO! What I'm saying is that Jack would have a hard time trusting and opening up with anyone he perceives as motherly. He might have more trauma responses when around Si'ha, such as flinching more around her or seeming more closed off. This can of course be helped, and I'm sure Si'ha won't have a hard time building trust with Jack. Now of course he might still have his trust issues and reservations about The Traveler, but it would be a lot less worse than those he would have with Si'ha. (i'm saying this in a mean way, this is just what I've learned about childhood trauma)

Now let's take about the inevitability of a trigger for Jack.

Triggers are the weirdest thing in the world. Sometimes they are obvious things. As an abuse survivor, I don't like people jump-scaring me and I feel uncomfortable when people start handling belts (i even rarely wear one) which is all pretty self explanatory and stuff and you would think that's the same for the rest of my triggers, right? Nope! No I can't watch Victorious, I freeze up when the Arizona Storm alarms play, and I will have a literal breakdown whenever I see one of those plagiarism warning screens. Also can't watch horror movies. Do they make sense to me? Not at all. But the reason they trigger my CPTSD is because somewhere in my brain, in my suppressed memory, my brain is reminded of my trauma and is launched into flight or fight mode.

Jack's triggers might be something that makes sense, like being in the mirror room or seeing something about the Swan Soldiers. But, he would also have more explainable or random triggers. A specific color could remind him of his mom. A melody could remind him of a song that was playing during a rehearsal gone wrong. A certain smell could remind him of a room that he wasn't particularly fond of in Nightswan tower.

So what exactly would be the best way to write Jack having a breakdown? Glad you never asked!!! I shall still answer!!

Jack having a breakdown could go down one of two ways. One, he could get really combative, aka fight. Not like throwing hands combative, but like suddenly being overly defensive and irritated over little things. Assuming someone notices this change of behavior, it would take a few moments until his brain finally perceives that there is no actual threat, and then celebrate by gifting Jack with an intense breakdown complete with tears and a panic attack that will literally leave him breathless. Option two, the flight option, will see Jack suddenly feeling the need to escape. Maybe he'll need to leave a room, or need to get off the street and into a building, or he might not even be able to be in the same room as someone. When his brain finally decides the danger is no longer in the room with us he will have a similar breakdown as he did in option one. But of course, there is a third, more fun, more secret option. Option three, freeze.

I'm a freeze person, and freeze is ten times worse than option one and two combined. When someone freezes, they will escape to a space devoid of people or possible threats. They will then find a place where they can observe all sides of the room without needing to turn, preferably a corner, make themselves smaller via holding their chest to their knees, and then have that extra special breakdown. The problem with freeze is your brain never has the opportunity the decide if the threat is actually gone, so instead of moving on you are stuck in this feeling of being in danger even if obviously you are not.

The best way you can write someone (most likely Wanderlust, knowing you guys) helping out is:

-No touching until he calms down. Touching always makes things worse. Not until he can voice that he is calming down.

-Trying to communicate breathing/grounding exercises. It will take a minute before he responds and partakes. @apexious wrote a really good example of this, just with reversed roles.

-Weighted blankets weighted blankets weighted blankets weighted blankets

-Have them try to voice what he is feeling/what he perceives the danger to be. Usually helps reduce trigger responses if they are encountered again.

And the last thing I want to note about Jack is that traumatic memories will most likely fade with time. Not the actual trauma or the memories behind them, but specific details will be hard to recall such as his specific age when it happened, where it happened, or other specific details. The brain likes to do that to protect you from specifically traumatizing or harmful memories.

Sorry for the essay, but I hope this helps!!! If you have any other questions regarding this, feel free to message me/drop it into my dropbox!!! Happy writing!!!

[not-krys]

[Repost] Old - Abby & Theo

Part of this set of WIP Wednesdays!

A bittersweet one today. I had originally wanted to use this theme way back when I was first writing Abby and Theo's Fictober 2021 fic 'I've Waited For This', which would have featured Abby and Vincent as a lot older but chickened out and wrote something a little more lighthearted instead.

This time, feeling braver, I did explore the a lot older theme with Abby and Theo in this one, but with a sad tinge running throughout.

Raw, unedited writing down below. Heavily referenced major character death.

-----

Theo sat by Abby's side, her small hands covered in wrinkles and a little stiff, holding a long paintbrush. Theo, still as youthful as when she had met him, untouched by two hundred years, brown hair and blue eyes unchanged by time, watched patiently as her hand moved, graceful in memory but a little clumsy now with age.

"Just a little more," Abby said, her voice cracking.

"Take your time," Theo said gently, far more kind than he had sounded in her youth.

Silence overtook the two of them, sunlight peeking through the nearby window. Where she needed it, Theo held up her elbow, keeping her arm steady.

"…Talk about him, Theo." Abby asked, squinting her eyes. "Please…"

"Hondje… Are you sure?"

"A happy memory… for me, please?"

Theo closed his eyes and breathed out a sigh.

"Back when we used to live in le Comte's mansion, he often painted outdoors. He loved being in the sun. He… sometimes I thought he was the sun."

"When you came around…" Theo continued, "Well, he was happier. More than I had ever seen him. He shined brighter than before. Blindingly so some days. I was a little jealous… Very jealous, actually. How this scared little pup that came out of nowhere had managed to capture my broer so completely so quickly… Maybe it's not what you want to hear, but any truly happy memory I have of him, you're in it too."

Theo touched her elbow again.

"Remember when I came to the house the first time? Because your auntie had sent those pictures of his paintings?"

"Yes," Abby said, "I showed you all those pictures of Vincent and me… of the children… of his life ever since we left."

"You showed me that he had lived a good life and that's something I can't thank you enough for. I had failed in that regard, even in our second lives."

"Your wish allowed us to meet, Theo, so… don't sell yourself so short. My happiness… was thanks to you, after all."

"Hondje…"

"A-anyway… you were talking about how he loved painting outdoors?"

"Yeah, he'd taken you with him. By all accounts, it should have been sunny all day. But, there was a pop up shower."

"Ah, yes. He wanted to teach me about nature painting. But then it started raining suddenly."

"It was a little late in the day, so I was just getting back from selling some of his work. I got caught up in it too. Soaked to the bone."

"So were we. We had to pack up in a hurry, the paint hadn't even dried properly, both of canvases getting smeared together with the rain water. I was so upset because I was so proud of it and thought I had ruined it."

"Broer just smiled, I remember." Theo said, "and told me that they were twin paintings now. Sebas even came by to tell us about how in the future, there was this movement in art where you don't really paint forms like normal. Sometimes, people would splash paint onto canvases without rhyme or reason. Abstract painting, he called it. I wouldn't have believed him if I hadn't lived through it myself."

Abby smiled a little.

"Vincent held onto those paintings for a while. I was a little embarrassed on how long he held onto them, messed up as they were."

"From what I remember, Comte had them put up in the parlor after you two left."

"That's even more embarrassing!"

"Even had them framed."

Abby lowered her elbow, setting her brush down.

"Thank you, Theo. For cheering me up. For staying and putting up with me."

"You'd be lonely if I didn't, and Broer hated leaving you alone for long."

"…I miss him. So much."

Theo reached up to her cheek, wiping away the falling tear with his thumb.

"Just remember that you had a hand in making his life as good as it could have been. Now I'm making sure yours is just as good in his honor. So, no more tears. You have a portrait to finish, after all."

Abby took a breath and nodded, looking at Theo, determined.

"R-right."

They both turned back to the canvas, the image reflected in their eyes of a younger Vincent, smiling as both of them had remembered.

[theangrypomeranian]

a note for my lovely fans:

i know i've said this before, but i really and truly never thought that Baby Steps would ever get as long or well known as it is. i've poured my heart and soul into this fic for over a year and it has meant everything to me. through this story, i have started to heal my inner child/teen and a little of older me as well. i love this story so much and saying good bye is so so painful, but also so cathartic.

i want to thank a few people here. first and foremost, @littleredruns. without this story, i never would have met her and now i can't imagine my life without her. Red, you have been such a huge support and help to me through this whole process. the whole fake dating arc exists because of you lol. i know you say that i don't need to thank you, but i am because without you i don't think i would have kept writing. you are my best friend and i hope it stays that way for a long, long time (if not forever). <3

i also want to thank my husband, @raccnarok. thank you, myla. you've spent the last year listening to me talk and rant about this. you've tolerated me kicking you out of the bedroom so that i could focus on writing because you know that i like writing in my bed the most. you've supported me and cheered me on, and told me over and over how proud you are of me. loving you is easy as breathing and twice as satisfying, and through this whole process you've proved it. thank you. <3

to all the friends i've made through this fic, the whole who i've shared sneak peaks with and let me go on and on about it. i'm so grateful that my story has brought us together and that you all have been as kind and supportive as you've been. thank you. <3

to the people who have been inspired by my fic and drawn art of it and written fic of it/inspired by it. i cannot express how much all of it has warmed my heart and made me giggle and shriek like a schoolgirl. i hope i can continue to inspire you with my other works, and if not then i'm happy that i did at all. thank you for being amazing. <3

and to my readers. all of you who leave kudos and comments and read and reread this story that i thought would fall to the wayside. you all mean the whole world to me and i don't say that lightly. we've built such an amazing community here of empathetic and loving people. and to my fellow survivors of abuse, of all kinds, who have found solace in this fic: i see you. i hear you. and i believe you. i hope you are able to find peace and healing, and i'm happy that my fic has gotten to be a part of that process. you're amazing and i never want you to forget that. it's okay if you backtrack, it's okay if you have bad days. remember, healing is not linear. it's a process. and sometimes we have to take baby steps.

[silvercap]

20 Questions for Fic Authors

Thank you @thebrandywine for the tag!! :))

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

43!

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

113,038

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly just Resident Evil, haha, but I've dabbled in a couple other things over the years... nothing else currently, though!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I. My lone Genshin fic 😭😭 at 935 kudos (holy shit!!)

II. Ripping at the Seams with 670

III. *metal pipe sound effect* with 301

IV. Fracture with 290

V. Day 18: Ache with 253!

5. Do you respond to comments?

As much as possible!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

:3

You tell me: is there more angst when older Leon dies, or when re2 rookie Leon does? Personally, I'm leaning on the rookie, but 'do you believe' has the added Hunnigan and Chris angst haha

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

you're my lover is just straight up Nivannedy fluff and sweetness :)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Haven't yet, thankfully!

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

Sometimes 😭 usually it's more of a plot relevant thing than anything else, because smut isn't always my jam--but there are exceptions!! I'm writing a crack ship re5 thing asjdjds and sometimes I do like writing scenes that involve a little sexy time, but I don't think I'd ever write it as a standalone pwp sort of thing haha

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

No...? I mean, I have a Blade Runner au on the backburner of my infinite stove, but I've never put different characters together in a true crossover. Wrote the beginning of an Eragon + Percy Jackson + something I can't remember, when I was in like. 7th grade? But that's long gone and nothing ever came of it asdjdjs

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Hopefully not... 👁️👁️

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Thought about it! It hasn't happened haha, but I'm open to the idea

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I'll be honest... ships are kind of cute adorable plot devices to me. I don't really have a favorite per se, but I do tend to prefer Chreon, Metaltango, and Nivannedy! I like Clairejill and I'm pretty invested in Ada/Hunnigan right now hehe but none of them really stands out as the OTP, y'know?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Not sure! I tend to jump around and abandon and revive things a lot, so it's honestly just up in the air. I'm loath to put one on the chopping block, but I have my doubts about this one (OG!) re4 fic where Leon passes out during the cabin fight

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told that I have a very visceral writing style by several people, and I do often get compliments on how well I've made something feel real/captured a specific feeling! Which is a huge compliment you guys are so nice 🥺 and I do like to think that I'm good at descriptive writing!! I see things very clearly in my head and it's gratifying to know I'm getting it across fully :)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I tend to go at it without figuring out where I'm going, first. Plots are held together with a dab of white glue and some fraying string, and I often worry that I'm not putting scenes together coherently. I can do all the technical stuff just fine, but I really struggle with pacing and character motivations and foreshadowing and background etc, which I think is why I tend to write shorter fics!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It's rarely worth it, unless there's some sort of narrative significance or I get to use my Latin knowledge for some silly villain 😭

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Bungou Stray Dogs!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I've always been partial to Fracture

Tagging- @fonulyn, @colesabi, @lightenupcowboy, @sunhatllama, @resident-rats, and anyone else who I forgot or wants to participate! <3

[gossippool]

just a personal rant but god im looking through my old good omens stuff rn and i wish i still had the motivation to write the ideas i had because i really do still love them sm

like i think i've talked about my house of leaves x piranesi idea before of heaven as a sentient body and aziraphale not being able to escape (then it's revealed that heaven is god herself)

but i also carried over my hanahaki idea for logan from good omens where it's a curse put on demons who let themselves love someone else and i had whole stages of infection where the final stage was crowley just fully turning into a tree. and aziraphale lets himself get absorbed into it willingly bc he doesn't want to live without crowley and then they become the new tree of knowledge that can't be touched

and also i had a halloween idea that i was halfway through that i actually haven't even told anyone about except my gc 😭 where crowley and aziraphale are elders of a small town where pretty much no one leaves, ever. and the town has a phenomenon where there's this skeleton in the graveyard that leans against an unmarked grave and for some reason cannot be moved. it bevomes a popular halloween attraction and anathema visits one day to try and solve it, and then it turns out that crowley and aziraphale are actually ghosts and THEY are the unmarked grave and the skeleton--their parents actually built the town and they'd loved each other since they were kids but weren't allowed to, so when they got older they carried out a spell to keep them together forever which resulted in basically an invisible string that tied them both together (so when aziraphale died crowley could not physically leave the cemetary) and also wrapped around the whole town and kept people in. idk it was a whole thing they didn't even know they were dead

but like my godddd i do miss it sometimes. is good omens an objectively good show? no not really. did i like all the characters? FUCK no. now i'm thinking i may only really actually like crowley. i love love lovee ppolverine and ultimately i AM having more fun here as a whole bc i love the characters and marvel and i care about it all a lot more. and i do think it is better for my.... mental.... health...or whatever as a religious person to not have to constanrly engage in implicit religious discourse and also just not play around with the concept so much myself. which i did. A lot. peek my crowley and jesus fic 😭😭😭😭

but i loved gomens (and some parts of the fandom culture so much) and the thing i loved the most was that you really could just do literally anything because of the nature of the characters. like i had the most batshit angsty ideas and my good omens mutuals could probably attest lmao

likee you could technically say that it's true for any fandom, that you could make any scenario or au believable if you tried hard enough. but the thing with good omens is that you DIDN'T have to try hard to make it believable. like i do intend to incorporate my house of leaves idea into poolverine but it will never be as good as my original idea because i really could make it SO surrealistic

[bonerot19]

what are your thoughts on Jason and Roy? I have very complicated thoughts about them because on one hand they’re made out to be good friends so often I can’t be ok with them being strangers it makes me sad :( on the other hand they aren’t good friends not really no them because RHATO destroyed Roy :( so they’re in a weird space of “met this guy two weeks ago would’ve died for him for three days and now we don’t really talk” tragic friendship kinda vibe in my brain. I guess that’s even sadder??? But at least the love was there? Sorry for randomly showing up in your ask box 😭 I’m just curious

I have So Many thoughts on Roy and Jason.

I've been learning a lot more about Roy lately, his history and character and he's so cool so it makes me sad what's happened to him in canon (the account royboyfanpage is a wealth of Roy info I love following them)

my problem is that RHATO could have been cool. they could have made Kory, like, important and sentient. they could have just not reduced Roy to the stupid comic relief guy. they could have kept Jason's backstory instead of rewriting one of my favorite origin stories (stealing the batmobile's tires fucks so hard I can't believe Lobdell thought making him steal from Leslie was better??)

I think Jason and Roy have the potential to have a fun, interesting relationship — little brother stealing his older brother's best friends is hilarious. and I know some people (rightfully) have issues with Roy being aged-down to be closer to Jason's age but I think they still have the potential for hilarity at their relative canon ages.

I like fics that portray Jason and Roy as chaotic, and I do often like Jason/Roy fics because I think the dynamic can be really well written — especially in AUs. I like Jason and Roy bitching about Oliver and Bruce (even though Ollie is like, leagues better than Bruce in canon and loves Roy So Much)

I think what I've learned is that while I enjoy Jason/Roy I really understand why Roy lovers hate Jason because when Jason is in Roy's story it does necessitate some level of character assassination. either by changing Roy's age, changing his relationship with Oliver, changing his relationship with Dick, changing his character in general via Lobdell's bullshit (if I catch u Scott I stg)

which sucks, because I think there are people out there writing really complex Jason/Roy relationships that challenge both characters and complete some great character analysis. you just have to be careful and aware of the way Roy is portrayed to not shape his character to suit Jason, cause that sucks

in the end, I'll still read Jason/Roy, because I like it. sometimes I dislike it in the same way I dislike other characterizations of other batfam and batfam adjacent characters. but I'm taking my time learning about Roy and I'm adding some Green Arrow comics to my tbr (which is 10 miles long) cause if I'm gonna write about Roy I want to understand him

[seeingivy]

Helloess 👉👈 I usually lurk on your (or p much everyone's) blog bcoz I got that online social anxiety xddd and I've never rlly sent an ask before to anyone but seeing your posts lately about interactions and from how much I love your fics and writing gave me some courage to finally send you something!!

Can I just say that you're like my favourite JJK fic writer :') Like your mind is simply awesome— the dialogues you write and the original ideas you come up with are always sooo impressive and THE FEELS!!! The emotions I get to feel from reading your fics is crazy 😭 Especially in the older brother Sukuna one!! I actually discovered your blog thanks to that fic, lucky me :D I love it soooo much!! I re-read it recently and it managed to make me cry again over the sheer amount of pure love and healthy relationship dynamics overflowing from it qwq Like some of the chapters felt like being in therapy fr 😭 the way I had to just pause and BREATHE sometimes coz of how emotional I felt asdfghjkl

The way you touched some heavy topics in the fic too, some of which were very relatable as well, and wrote them sooo beautifully, it all felt so so comforting to me- like I'm not rlly alone in experiencing all these deep feelings, which was just super healing and I just wanna say thank you for existing and pouring your heart out into making such a beautiful piece of work and sharing it with us 🫶 it's so so lovely! Also, I absolutely love it when authors write emotionally intelligent characters and I never imagined ever crushing on and kicking feet over Sukuna of all characters but YOUR Sukuna just made that come true xD 🩷

And I used to be a Geto simp initially but your Satoru Gojo as Taylor series singlehandedly made me fall for him so deep like I've been obsessed for months now 😭 I love all the fics of it so much, I highkey believe I've memorized the scenarios in half of them from how much I re-read them lolol and they still manage to evoke so many different emotions in me each and every time! You're simply an amazing author 👑 To add, I actually have never watched AOT or know anything about it but your content is so addicting that I feel compelled to read those fics of yours regardless 😭 just because I can already guess how good they'd be as well uwu

Like I've read so many fanfics over the years but yours are some of the most wonderful pieces that I've come across and they've become very close to my heart too :') especially bcoz they got me through some very dark times this year by being my wholesome and positive escape hehe 🤍 and I'm so grateful and so glad that you poured the time, energy, effort and TALENT to write all of them, and still dedicatedly put out chapters so frequently on your blog, which always makes me so happy and excited to see btw!!! I, and I believe many other fans, can't appreciate you enough for it!

Sorry it got so long unu but just wanna give you a big thank youuuuu and tell you that you're so sweet and have a beautiful heart and mind, and you only deserve nice and good things, stay blessed <3333 ✨ 💖

oh my goodness!

i put this under the cut because i basically have every intention to responding to every part of what you say!

first and foremost - thank you for lurking on my blog, even to the point where you read the asks that other people send me. sometimes (and for a good amount of time actually) i wanted to answer asks so bad but wouldn't because i was scared i was annoying my followers by answering them all the time or telling people random stuff about myself just because i thought they were just following me for the writing.

tldr. needless to say, that it makes my entire world that you read my asks - about interactions and a lot of the stuff that i've been talking about lately - and that you sent me this ask, because it's filled me with so so much joy and motivation to get back into writing

oh best friends older brother sukuna. god, i can't even talk about what that fic means to me in so many ways, and the fact that it's resonated with so many people has actually healed so many things in me. like i'm not even joking, i've literally talked about that fic and read asks/comments to my therapist to like prove to her that this was like something real and that i put it out all there.

even from a writing standpoint, i feel like in the past i resorted to most of the cliche miscommunication stuff because it was hard to come up with stuff that moved the plot forward. but it was really interesting to write that and make most of the stuff external - and it really made me think about characters/emotions/what motivates people most of the time. yes, miscommunication is a big thing in relationships and not being able to talk to one another effectively will put a damper on things - but other things can to. and damn it sometimes it's nice to just love each other the way you should and handle it with care (which was basically the entire point of that fic anyways)

oh god, it makes my entire world that you called my characters emotionally intelligent. honestly, those topics were never like supposed to be part of the story - and most of the stories i write aren't planned out. i start writing and something came out of me. i was very hesitant to post those chapters, but in the end just chose to honor the fact that they're complex topics, they're nuanced, what i'm saying isn't wrong but it isn't applicable to everyone and that's okay. and even the fact that people find it relatable is validating for me, because almost everything in that fic is derived from a personal experience of mine.

oh gojo as taylor. to be honest, i thought it kind of fell off for a while but GOD everyone loves to see it and it makes my entire world. the first fic that i wrote on this account, almost a year and a half ago now, was literally a gojo as taylor before a gojo as taylor. it's a good omen.

GOSH, i'm so glad you're here and that you've read the things that i've written. you've given me such such kind words about them - most that i feel like i don't deserve - but that mean the world to me nonetheless.

also i've said it before and i've said it again. people like you who take the time to leave asks, or comment on all the details in the chapters, or just leave feedback or say that they enjoyed something means the world. most fanfic writers do this for free. i usually come home from a busy day or studying for midterms or just being frustrated and use this as a way to let loose. and really, as a reader, you could just read it and move past it without any penance to me. readers who take the time to comment, interact, and kind of create this space to me is kind of what fanfic is all about - I feel like I have my own little town of friends who all get and understand what i'm talkng about, and the fact that people want to entertain that and be here with me means the world.

all in all, you are a gem. i'm sorry that my response is so long, but I had to do all of your sweet words justice. I hope you have a lovely lovely day my friend!

[seriousbrat]

I saw your post about the love lives of boys, and I have a question: do you think James and Lily were each other’s first when it comes to sex and related things?

They were described as popular and attractive (at least Lily, for sure), so it's likely others would have their eyes on them.

I feel like it’s possible that Lily might have had a boyfriend before, but as a Muggleborn living during that time, I imagine she would’ve been very cautious about relationships to avoid being taken advantage of.

With James, it’s even harder to picture him having a girlfriend before Lily. Before puberty, he was probably too caught up in his friendships, moreover James and his friends became Animagi when they were around 15 or 16, so he had plenty of secrets to keep. By fifth year, he had a major crush on Lily (he was even doodling her initials on his exam paper — what a loser). Despite the common belief that he asked her out constantly, canon paints it differently. It seems like he wanted to ask her out for a while, but his Gryffindor bravery didn’t quite extend to girls, and when he finally did during that lake incident, it came out in the worst way possible.Since we know he went to the Dursleys' wedding before the end of the first semester of seventh year, it suggests he and Lily started dating at the beginning of their final year. For Lily to agree to date him, I think they must have developed a solid friendship in sixth year, which makes it doubtful that James would have risked losing that chance by dating other girls. I think it’s more likely that he went on a few dates or kissed a girl or two, but never really had a real girlfriend before Lily.

One of the most important things to remember is that wizarding society tends to be fairly conservative about relationships, and the UK in the 70s was generally quite traditional as well. So, I highly doubt that either James or Lily was casually sleeping around before they got together at 17. In fact, I think it’s completely normal to have your first real relationship at that age, even if that’s not a popular opinion nowadays.

Generally I don't like to believe they were each other's firsts-- personally I just don't find that idea at all romantic-- but also to be perfectly honest it wouldn't be that weird if that was the case, for many of the reasons you've outlined. It's just that I personally dislike the "being each other's firsts" trope so much that I can't write it lol

Usually, the way I write them, they've each perhaps dated a couple of people and have each had sex with one other person before they start going out, which I think is fairly realistic. Especially because they were both popular, outgoing, and lived in the very insular community of a boarding school. I do think that, considering their age, it would have been the first real sexual and romantic connection either of them had, which to me seems more important anyway.

I also doubt either of them was casually sleeping around previously to that-- not that there's anything wrong with that (i mean, I certainly can't talk lol) but like you said, by and large this would not have been very socially acceptable at the time, particularly for teenage girls, and considering the age they got married they both seem pretty traditionally monogamous lol. In my fic Lily doesn't have sex with her previous boyfriend Alfie at all, which is not abnormal for a teen relationship, but has her first time with an older muggle boy. I guess it depends how you see the characters-- although I do sometimes feel they're portrayed a little too adult in their approach to relationships and dating. Like there needs to be 10x more insecurity and awkwardness there haha

Weirdly a criticism I once received of my fic was that someone told me they preferred for James to have had a girlfriend during sixth year that Lily would be jealous of, and they disliked that I hadn't gone that route. While I actually did consider it at one point (it's such a classic jily trope) and I totally get why people like that as a plot point, it just didn't really feel right for his character in the end. And to me it felt quite realistic that he'd only have had one girlfriend before Lily. Also, like you, I tend to think that at the first whiff of Lily possibly being interested in him James probably wouldn't risk that chance by dating someone else lol.

So I guess my answer is somewhere in between; to me it doesn't feel realistic for them to be super experienced with multiple serious relationships under their belt, but personally I do prefer them to have "dabbled" a bit I guess. I think there's a balance between treating these teenage characters as adults with adult dating lives vs having them be completely inexperienced.