#sometimes I am consumed by the urge to make a specific thing

[tj-crochets]

Things I should be doing: finishing detective-izing the monkey or doing the ironing for the second quilt for the twins

What I’m doing instead: impulse making a purple bunny

[the-one-who-lambs]

hi hey holy fuck i'm done with this. I tried to render for the first time following a "15 minute" tutorial and my noob ass turned it into a 3 hour learning experience. But now I have Narinder's reference for The Risen Lamb and the Fallen God! Rambles under readmore

SO I BARELY DRAW because I started learning how to draw like... May of last year, and then went bonkers over the summer making lots of progress and once the school year started in august I dropped it to focus on writing... and have drawn basically 1 thing in between then and now. Anyway. Last week I remembered, oh yeah, I used to draw sometimes. And suddenly had an all consuming urge to practice again.

And you know what? I forgot how fucking FUN drawing is. I take it much less seriously than I do my writing so my technique for now is pretty much "go ham and try a bunch of shit because you're getting practice and having fun with it anyway". and it IS fun until I try to do a specific thing and can't figure out how so thanks to those who tuned in to my stream tonight to see me push through the frustrating part of finishing this LMAO. uh according to the krita file this took me 13 and a half hours

If you didn't catch it a while back, the one thing I drew during my kinda-art-hiatus was my Lambert reference! Normal outfit, casual outfit (that they sometimes wear while off-duty, usually when visiting Ratau or just hanging out alone), and wedding outfit ^^

...Which means now that I have my narilamb references I can commission my friends. i have a few people who i already plan to open my wallet for.

"Ive already drawn you fanart for ur fic and now the outfits are very slightly wrong :<" ITS FINE I AM CHERISHING IT FOREVER PLS DONT CHANGE IT ITS PERFECT

"is it okay if i draw your designs" Why do yall think i would be mad about this i will eat that shit UP i would fucking LOVE that and I'm already foaming at the mouth because i'd been asked that a couple times while i was drawing narinder's reference lol

I'm still a beginner and constructive criticism is welcome! Will probably make less intensive references for the OCs in Risen/Fallen or at least draw them, Thenana and Juno for sure

[ohsayit]

Astarion had a quick chat with my Dark Urge

Hi, it's me again. [Anson approaches with her rambling gibberish again]

Here is the conversation initiated by Astarion (the ! abvoe his head screamed at me to go talk to him)

(Note: Possibly you can find a video of the same dialogue choices on youtube or something. The performance adds a lot to it.)

His reply to DU's first line was sort of playful snarky as per usual. Therefore one of the dialogue options for DU's second line was a pouty one. "if you are not taking this seriously I am not talking to you." of some sort. For role play reasons, my DU went with the "possessive urge deep inside me" option.

Then A's line slightly shifted from "Oh tell me about it. I guess I will sit through this conversation for my own safety" to "Aww you poor thing. Let's use it to the fullest."

At first I thought he resonated with the "possessive voice in the head" part. At this point, DU already murdered the bard at night right at the camp and she didn't know if she really did it (though all the evidence suggested she did). So very likely, she did it under the influence of the voice inside her. That is sort of similar to compulsion from his vampire lord. Could he be showing empathy for a valuable ally?

But the last line changed my mind. If he considered DU's murderous tendency was from the voice, then he wouldn't put it as DU's "nature".

My guess is, he thinks DU has some terribly strong instincts that are consuming.

Our man is impulsive. I can see him making decisions and doing things on a whim. However, if a certain urge gets consuming, then he wouldn't like it. I see a strong sense of self there. Although he basically put that on display everyday. lol It pops out to me in a surprising way.

The "advice" he gives is pretty much what he lives up to himself: play it for all it's worth.

Our boy has the strongest intention to survive out of the entire group I think lol. Whatever shit hand he is dealt, he tries to play it for all it's worth. ("I am not going to die. YOU are going to die instead, bitch!" energy lol) I don't think the whole mindflayer business would exist even in his wildest dreams, but he does use it to it's fullest. Secured himself some allies and get all the aid he could to finish off both Caz and then control from the Brain.

He is also very true to one's nature as well. He seems to have zero problem with someone being innately murderous. His problem is when it becomes overwhelming and consuming.

Now we are (finally) at the end bit of this gibberish of an observation for our babe:

Dude has a strong sense of self

Is less impulsive/emtional than he sometimes looks

He possibly has 10 times Gale's survival will (the version of Gale when we first met especially)

He may take pity on people, under specific circumstances

If Halsin embraces "nature's gifts", our dude embraces "nature in one's soul"

This conversation from the game and conversations I see on the internet, sometimes looks like a "nature vs nurture" thing to me. This is a hot topic for parenting; however, it also applies to adult-to-adult relationship (somehow?).

The one thing I constantly think about is that, what do we see in him? How is it so different for everyone? Do we see ourselves or him? What's the proportion? I am slowly figuring out what part of myself I see in him.

[crehador]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

ahh this is such a fun question, thanks so much for the ask! a difficult question as well lol, i am very indecisive so a top 10 anything is... tough

i'll limit myself to animanga only, aaand lump some characters in under the same banner so there's definitely going to be more than 10 here. i'm also prohibiting myself from giving more than one slot to hpmi characters or that would just be the whole list

anyway:

ICHISAMA (package deal, do not separate)

this is probably obvious (or should be obvious) from my pinned but in first place are of course my forever blorbos (and forever otp) ichiro and samatoki of hypnosis mic

it's hard to say what i like about them besides "literally everything" which is kind of funny because for like the first year-ish of me being into hpmi neither of them were my top favorites lol

and now i genuinely have to say i like them both equally, and like them both the most. out of any characters of anything ever. i typed a bunch of paragraphs after this but think i'll actually just stop here because nothing really does justice to how they make me feel (unwell, in a good way)

this post is already getting long so everything else will go under a cut! and besides ichisama in first, none of the other characters will be strictly ranked in order. mostly just listed as i think of them

2. bon my beloved, of showa genroku rakugo shinju

this is my favorite anime of all time, and what i would personally consider the best anime of all time, and bon is perhaps the single most beautiful character with the single most beautiful story i've consumed ever. i never feel any urge to make or consume fanworks of this series because it's just so mind-blowingly perfect and complete to me

i won't spoil too much about the series, but it's a tragedy, and that's something i don't read or watch much of. so it's truly exception for this to be my favorite, but it was just that good

bon is in so many ways a tragic character, and the series allows you to see him through his whole life. he's tragic in such a hauntingly beautiful way, though, and i left the series feeling like he now lives in my bones

this is probably also my favorite ishida akira role ever, which is saying a lot because he's always great. i love the anime because it gives such life to the rakugo performed in the series, and though i'm not an expert on rakugo, i felt like the performances were top-tier. and it always impresses me when voice actors take on roles that require them to perform a whole ass other art form (like rakugo or rap)

3. aomine (knb) AND grimmjow (bleach)

these are the same goddamn man i'm putting them together no one can stop me. they are a) blue b) panther-coded c) very aggro d) very aggro at a ginger mc specifically e) DEPRESSED and f) voiced by suwabe

(though honestly grimmjow's just here because they're too similar to separate, aomine's the real favorite here)

the thing with aomine is basically—

—and that paired with his tough guy/badass/fuckface manner is very appealing to me. i don't think it's even remotely possible for me to be brief in why he's so dear to me, but the short version is he's a deeply traumatized asshole and i'm into that

4. KIYOSE HAIJI RUN WITH THE WIND GUY OF ALL TIME (and various other sports guys who are single mothers)

i may have a lot of guys of all times but haiji is for real. before ichiro he was my favorite character of anything ever for a while, and he is definitely my favorite type of sports guy (so a lot of other sports guys are going to be lumped into this category with him lol)

he has an infectious passion for running and he will infect you. whether you let him or not. it's not negotiable. you will run. no matter what

i think he brings out the best in those around him, sometimes at a detrimental cost to himself. he pushes his team hard but pushes himself even harder. we stan a self-destructive king

and i'm putting natsusa number24 right in this rank with him

because while number24 is objectively Not a good anime, it's easily one of my favorite sports series and i sincerely love natsusa just as much as i love haiji. natsusa is like if someone made haiji but cranked the bitch factor up to one billion, he is the most gaslit gatekeep girlboss guy in all of sports anime and i love him for that

bonus shoutout to iura kei of shakunetsu kabaddi, usui yuuta of days, and sugawara koushi of haikyuu. gotta be my favorite flavor of sports guy

(ok this is not even fully true because i think my days favorite did ultimately end up being mizuki because he's just so fucking stupid BUT usui i still love you.........)

5. kaworu and all his ridiculously many expies (aka the "and then a weird guy appear" category)

basically i'm talking about these fucks

they show up, sometimes not even for very long, and all they do is cause problems (ok victor probably doesn't really belong here but he honestly does fit the mold and i'm too lazy to crop him out from this old graphic i made lol) and love another weird guy so catastrophically that it alters the course of the story

the way kaworu loves shinji the way komaeda loves hinata the way zashunina…… obsesses over shindo. like fine wine to me, chef's kiss. tbh that's why victor fits the mold for me, his and yuuri's love is less the "People Will Die" type of catastrophic but it's still life-changing, life-saving, for them both

ironically even though kaworu is a ryo expy himself i'm not. i'm not that big on ryo, i'll be honest. maybe it's because i wasn't the biggest of netflix devilman in general. i should probably read the manga sometime, might change my mind

6. SOFT BOYS natsume and rei

putting them together in part because lol look at them making the same pose on their anime covers even

these are both (natumse's book of friends and march comes in like a lion) two of my favorite series, and two of my favorite protagonists. they're soft but not weak, hurt but not broken. it just feels comfortable to spend time with them, to follow them even when they're hurting

7. CELTY MY BELOVED, of durarara

honestly celty is just cool as fuck. there are lots and lots of reasons to love her but i get so incoherent about it. it's really strange because i feel like the way narita writes women is not great in many ways, and yet... he always fucking... writes the hottest fucking women goddamn, i can't be mad about that

i always liked shinra too. because of how relatable he was lmao. i would be a weird little man about celty too i'm sorry

8. sir integra fairbrook wingates hellsing, of hellsing

god. yet another. she's just so fucking cool. massively obsessed with her. it's been too long since i've watched hellsing (and durarara for that matter) for me to remember a ton of details but her whole personality is just so appealing to me

you know the way people like fma olivier armstrong. sir integra's my armstrong

9. hei, of darker than black

once again he's just cool as fuck, also i'm chinese and it's rare to see a really good chinese character in anime, much less as a main character. darker than black is an older series at this point, but it remains one of my old favorites. second season was a bit questionable but honestly i didn't hate it. my boy got fuucked uuupppppp (said with delight)

funny story about hei is when i first started watching the show there was this moment where i thought "this is a weird detail to notice but something about his collarbones look really nice to me? they're just two lines but idk they're lovely"

THEN LATER IN THE SERIES on at least two other occasions that i can remember, maybe more, actual characters in canon commented on THIS SPECIFIC THING. HIS COLLARBONES. so what do i like about hei? what does anyone like about hei? apparently it's his collarbones lmao

10. nooooo i'm running out of space now and there are so many more blorbso i would talk about i can't choose who to put here but but but closing my eyes and picking the first name that comes to mind MIKOTO SUOH K PROJECT

part of me thinks i shouldn't actually put him here because he's, like, red samatoki lmao but no he deserves a spot. i think. idk. that's what i'm going with for now but, you know, indecisive

anyway. love a tragic mfer with one dead boyfriend who haunts the narrative and another ex who [redacted idk if anyone is going to be reading this far but just in case no one wants k spoilers i want say anything but you know this show is old as balls by now]

i actually love both of the factions in k (there are more factions later but i'm focusing on red and blue) because they're both families in different ways, and mikoto and munakata both care about their families in different ways (yes i love that bitch munakata too)

and the way they care for their people while failing to fully let their people care for them in return is sooooo delicious as a character trait to me

so that's the end of this enormous post i guess! there are approximately a billion other characters i love that i didn't get to mention but i will do my best to shut up now lmao

thank you again for the ask, very fun exercise to think about!

[damienthepious]

I am on my knees begging for commentary on tbiohc chapter 21, I would love the part where Rilla gives Arum the flowers or where he bites her hand but honestly any section from the chapter at all would be amazing, please share thoughts!!

aslfjsjfaskfj yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah chapter 21 which caused me to write like 3k words in a single day and made me cry at least twice. :D

im gonna do the bite section but before i say anything else i will mention As Per Your Comment (💖💖💖), Rilla bringing two flowers was, indeed, VERY deliberate. On my part, at least. Rilla doesn't think in metaphors quite as much as me... and damien and arum. MOVING ON.

["Can I- would you let me just-"]

Poor Rilla doesn't have a good vocabulary for what she wants, here. There's a BIG gap between this and what she actually wants to say when she posits her Point Four, but... she wants SOME sort of physical contact with him before she makes her case about... well, informed consent, basically. She wants a connection before she tells him that she understands, and she wants to help him ANYWAY. But she doesn't have the right words to explain that desire, so... she just Reaches Out.

[She trails off, and Arum watches her, his violet eyes vivid and wide and still startled. She leaves her hand hanging in the air between them, just- waiting, and after a few breaths Arum looks towards her palm, swallows, and-]

Arum... I don't know if he fully understands what she's asking for either? But also, i hope this has come through, but in the last few chapters, Damien and Arum have gotten fairly comfortable with some casual touch. touching an elbow, poking each other, brushing shoulders. Since Arum can't talk, touch is just... easier, sometimes, when it comes to getting attention or (as shown earlier in this scene) telling someone to BACK OFF before other guards come in the room.

But that is extremely different from an active, specific request for physical contact from someone else. Even someone who Arum has a burgeoning friendship with via letter. and also. she's not just taking what she wants in the situation either. She's offering him a choice, too. Saying please.

[His face twitches, some strange pain crossing it, and then his jaw clenches for a moment before he- he jerks his face towards her, opening his mouth and nipping at the heel of Rilla's thumb before he shoves his cheek into her palm, his eyes squeezing shut and an expression of pained embarrassment on his face.]

i will say again, As Per Your Comment, you are SO right. Arum is extremely, extremely A Cat. This bit...... it just kinda came to me? i was literally staring off into space and imagining BEING ARUM in that moment, imagining what I would want to do, how I would respond, and... the sort of... despair of admitting how badly he wants what she's offering, and the little bit of defiance to at least pretend that he's going to use his teeth on her before he allows something soft.

And the thing is. He could have drawn blood. He did not want to. There's a little bit of the... like... urge to consume what you can't bear to lose? wrapped up in the gesture? But mostly he just needs to pretend like he even wants to resist them. just a nibble.

[Damien tenses, but- Rilla doesn't respond with pain, her hand looks- fine, and she makes a small concerned noise, moving closer and curling her fingers against Arum's jaw, lifting her other hand to cup his face on the other side.]

Damien doesn't think Arum would hurt him OR Rilla, at this point, but. like. the dude did just lunge and bite his fiance's hand. I'd probably also flinch, regardless. Rilla, for her part, is. having a moment. because she was not EXPECTING him to respond quite so... emotionally? Emphatically? he shoved his face into her hand, so of course she lets her other hand join the first. Of course she cups his face like That.

["Oh," she says, more shaky than Damien is used to hearing her. Arum growls, still carefully low, and he cracks his vivid eyes open to glare at her after a moment.]

I don't want to say that Rilla forgot how bad Arum had it, but... they've been acting like penpals with a secret code for a few weeks now, and... i mean... it's ARUM. he complains, obviously, but... he downplays his own emotional reaction. He describes it dry, if he describes the actual torment at all. Right in front of her, breaking over a simple touch, it breaks her heart, too. And Arum is, of course, embarrassed. Because what's more embarrassing than this? Than falling into her hands, just because she offered?

[Do not ask why I did that, he writes without looking a the page, his handwriting only barely more shaky than normal.]

Universe forbid he expresses himself. Also, i don't think he could in ANY way articulate why the fuck that just happened. He doesn't have the benefit of my perspective as the author, lmao. He'll maybe work out what the fuck is up with himself later.

for now, though, he just... gets to feel her hands on his scales. Deliberate, and calm, and gentle.

so. yeah.

argh.

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Today’s replies! We’re covering a lot of topics today: some are related to our posts from this week so far, then there is one about Scott Pilgrim Takes off, and one about the Shingeki no Kyojin fanart. Let’s start with the latter one.

amydesailes asked:

Hi!

I remember a few years ago you were drawing a lot of snk related stuff. Do you think that you are making a comeback sometime? I feel like the fandom is much more calmer now.

Ohh that was such a long time ago and it was such fun time… well, a lot of it was stressful as hell because of the fandom and the shipwars and the non-shipping crowd who are quick to shit on artists who draw niche things; but to be honest, this isn’t the only reason why we stopped posting snk fanart. The main reason was that we were getting burnt out and wanted to consume some new media, and it’s nothing unusual or bad: it happens all the time. We dive deep into the title, have a lot of ideas, create AUs, draw and post stuff, and then after some time we move on. There are some titles that we revisit every other year or so, without diving too deep into them, and sometimes we just randomly remember about the characters and get the urge to draw something with them (we’ve done a couple of Zevi sketches even after technically stopping posting snk, as you might’ve seen).

With SnK, even though it’s been quite a few years already, I think it’s still kind of fresh in our minds, so we don’t have anything new to say with our posts or my art…yet. So I can’t really predict when we’ll come back, but you know what they say; a criminal always returns to the scene of the crime lol We love Shingeki very much, so even if it takes a long time, it’s inevitable.

Also, we are very grateful to have people who remember our stuff from back then and even wait for us, I am honestly surprised by it... So thank you so much for asking <3

Anonymous asked:

Which one of the Scott Pilgrim girls do you like? And other than Todd and Wallace, which other male character do you like?

My absolute favourite is probably Julie, and it’s partially because I have the Aubrey Plaza Bias, but I also really liked what they did with her character in the anime. She has the best faces, she’s so animated and so evil. I would love the second season (that we won’t get) simply to look at her more lol

I am also super weak for Kim, she and Julie both are my “best girls”. Kim’s personality just perfectly fits the type of character that I usually like, and I really like the bitter-sweetness that comes with it.

Speaking of the anime specifically, I also really like what they did with Ramona and Roxie. Their relationship didn’t get much depth in the movie (for obvious reasons, they didn’t have time to dive deeply into any relationship), and it was very delightful to see them work through what happened between them… in a way, I guess. Plus, Roxie is an idiot and that’s awesome lol

Ep3 was too much for me in general, all the girls’ interactions were very good + oh my god Hollie’s hot.

Now for the guys… Oh, Gideon, absolutely, he is great. He is such a highlight of the movie, we adore him a lot. So it was interesting to see his trajectory in the anime, and I am very happy that he is just… naturally evil and controlling fuck lol

Matthew was very enjoyable in the anime and I’m glad he got more attention, Lucas was animated very nicely and had a couple of very funny lines. I also think I developed a soft spot for Stephen at some point lol

hipsterteller asked:

I saw Vil and Neige they look so cute together…

characharing asked:

neige and vil look so smallll it's cute!

Thank you so much!! <3 I’m happy you like them hehe.

Anonymous asked:

Aw...that's cute. What life be like if those two were friends or more?

Rook wants a picture of Neige and Vil as kids

Vil would have a much calmer life, that’s for sure… I honestly can’t think of any downside of that scenario, other than it would’ve robbed us of Vil’s meltdowns over Mira’s search results lol

Oh Rook will get that picture; I am 100% that he would somehow manage to get it. This is his treasure, his most important possession; he’ll be buried with that photo…

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

AWWWWWEEEE BABY VIL AND BABY NEIGH!!!!

I for sure feel like it should be canon that Neige fell for Vil around a certain part of their youths, like maybe it was for a show scene and Neige sees Vil by a tree for the scene and BOOM! CUPID STRUCK OUR BOY HARD

HEHEHE IT’S THEMMM!!!!

Yeah I’m 100% sure that Neige fell for Vil back then. Not only Vil was so cool and professional and mature, but he was also so so so pretty. Even if their characters weren’t supposed to fall in love and Neige’s character was supposed to be bullied by Vil’s character, Neige just couldn’t stop thinking about how pretty Vil is. And not a single person noticed… That’s why he’s a great actor lol

Anonymous asked:

Honestly who in the cast do you think could actually settle down with one another in some type of lasting relationship? I think Trey/Riddle for example or Azul/Idia (I feel like they count because even it is business, it's a binding thing yk)

~ 🐩 anon 

Oh good question! Other than Trey/Riddle and Azul/Idia, the first couple that comes to mind is Rook/Vil, who pretty much already feel like a couple that’s been together for quite some time. Their household situation would probably be complicated, but in general they’re each other’s partners for life I think.

I would also say ADeuce but they’re the type of couple who is always together but just can’t settle down because of some stupid reasons. Jack might steal Deuce from Ace and settle down with him lol Who else… Kalim and Jamil are stuck together, they don’t count lol

Anonymous asked:

Imagine Jamil spending eternity being in Azul's captivity.

(this is related to our latest AzuJami art… I think)

Not only this sounds hot, this sounds like Azul’s absolute dream… And he sees that dream every night, and this is why he sleeps with a smile on his face, that creep.

Anonymous asked:

Even if you don't see him as a top

Vil would be amazing at aftercare and you know it!

(this one is related to our aftercare hc post)

I agree, Anon! I actually wanted to mention him in the post because of that. He knows everything there is to know about aftercare and which products work the best. He is so well-prepared for that it’s almost ridiculous.

Jamil is also good at it, but he basically had no choice but to get good lol

[velvetporcelain]

okay. so you're an optimist with depressive tendencies.

Hello infinite nothingness. You look stunning. I look stunning. We all look stunning.

I have been thinking about him lately. I find myself convincing my heart that he does not care about me. It makes the pain easier to bear.

I wish I could be a true free spirit. I think a free spirit suffers no mental or emotional pain. Everyone has this skewed perception of what it means to be truly free spirited. Running a muck without attachment. Because I have so many unanswered thoughts I do not consider myself free just yet.

I go back and forth a lot. From hate to appreciation, this is how I know I am not ready. But when will I ever be ready?

I want to do things alone with myself. I want to create within my own self. I want to choose me. I want to up my wolf mentality while nurturing my heart shaped sheep. I cannot let the sheep in me die. I no longer wish for some type of salvation. I do not need saving.

I want a constructive kind of love, not destructive. Love can be destructive and I thought it was the will to die by its sword over and over again 🗡️ but I’m finding out it’s more like the will to live over and over again.

Love is learning how to let it be free.Im learning how to love without being loved. That will make my spirit truly free. In order for me to do that I need to love myself endlessly not selfishly.

last night I was a little sick of my urge to look at love in the light. I feel like I almost forced myself to write about the darkness of love. my mind wouldn't really let me. and it just reassured my belief in love and its light. Yes, I can look at all the shitty possibilities of love, but love is accepting those too. Love is not holding it against itself. love is total acceptance.

I always wanted to be a fierce woman. I wanted to be a dominate woman. I am in some aspects, I can be in some aspects. but I am built a soft woman, accepting that has been difficult in such a harsh world. I feel like I am protecting myself most days. I have been failed by the protection and guard of the male species to many times. I need to conjure my own protection and I personally dont think women were made to do that, so we turn into some evil demon. I am impressed with the way I have been protecting myself from my own rage. Rage is a tricky bitch. Rage is counterproductive, but it can feel so protecting at times. There is a fine line between our anger and how we choose to protect ourselves. There is no hierarchy among the female brain because we are aways at the top, and whenever we feel low, we allow that rage to carry us.

Accepting that I am simply not made to be a crude woman, helps diagnose what my true needs are. it helps me get to know me and grow into something fierce. Knowing the weaknesses of the sheep allow the rage to maneuver in a wolf like manner. I will not let my rage bring me down, I will allow it to protect me. I will not allow my rage to pity me, I will allow it to protect me. I will not allow my rage to consume me, I will allow it to protect me.

Rage can be damaging and now that I am more aware of the damage it can cause me specifically, I can almost always use it to constructively trigger my creative mind. Drawing, writing, thinking. yes, we need practice. yes, we need an outlet. Rage is only detrimental when you hold it inside and let it settle in your bones. You have to ignite your ability to create. It is a muse. Emotion is only a muse!

I love where my emotions are taking me. I love that they enhance my ability to think, create, and manifest. I am no longer feeling like I'm drowning in it all. I feel like I'm becoming something much deeper, like the abyss, where only I can breathe underwater.

I am learning how to create something positive out of a negative in hope to receive belief. The same certain belief that I feel I have in what is negative, or the things that I hate. Sometimes, I just hate to hate. Sometimes, I'm a mouthy bitch. Sometimes, when I trick it into thinking it has a voice, it stops wanting to talk. Hate does not like the spot light, it likes to linger in the background in hopes that our minds will entertain it into full blown thought and action. I laugh at my anger, and it leaves. I feed my negativity to the creative mind and I swallow it whole, spitting out literature and art. That is the power of the human mind. Our capabilities are endless and infinite. The only thing that is limited is our vessel, and even that can endure for quite sometime.

Do not wait until you feel the pain. the pain is only something we think we want until it is there. I am learning that only I am responsible for creating my own pain, no one else. By taking accountability for my own self sabotage I am able to progressively turn it into something I can understand and easily create it into love. PRACTICE. you need to practice maneuvering through your mind, You cannot avoid it. You can not ignore it. It's there and you aren't fucking brain dead.

I no longer wish for anyone to understand my ideology when I can't even understand it yet. That would be unfair, so I remain receptive and curious about the world, and gain the ability to conquer anything. And with my rage there to protect me, it reminds me that I am built to ask questions, and that one day I will wake up unafraid.

-x

[mariellewritesalot]

14 Going on 24: To All the Girls I've Been Before

Sometimes I still feel like a teenager in my twenties.

Except not really, because I turn 24 in a few days and I find myself in a small town in Sevilla, Spain with my own apartment just a 6-minute walk from the high school I'll be working in for a school year. I'm doing adult things, like going to the local bakery to order a cake for myself and two boxes of pastries to share with the faculty, paying my own bills, cooking all my meals, booking train tickets for the holidays, and reserving a table at a restaurant in full Spanish without panic. My real teenage self had different dreams fed to her by the innate trophy-daughter urge to please her parents: go to law school, find a nice Catholic boy to marry, and stay in the Philippines forever.

You might have seen it on social media, the teenage girl in her twenties meme. It's a revival of everything we've ever loved growing up as girls together. It's a nice thing, this reclamation of girlhood. An attempt to somehow heal our inner children and reminisce on the times when we were only imagining what it would be like to be an adult. The mythical womanhood. A real 13 going on 30 dilemma. I wish we weren't in such a rush to grow up, but that's the irony of it all. As a grown woman, I often wonder about the girl I was, because despite all this I know I will never be her again.

She was ambitious, naive, too nice, but also a little arrogant it intimidated a lot of people with whom she could have been really good friends. I try to think fondly of the girl I was, and I honor her by preserving some of her interests that will never really go away, even now. I remember every young adult series I was ever obsessed with, alongside the sitcoms with each season I had saved on my netbook. I used to make physical mix CDs and now I curate Spotify playlists. I still get a little excited when a One Direction song plays out of the blue. I hear an indie song from years ago, like now as I type this while Cigarette Daydreams by Cage the Elephant is playing, and wish I could hear it for the first time again. I see old Facebook posts made by teenage me and chuckle at her drama. I unironically consume the Twilight Saga media when I feel a little sad, no matter how cringy people make it out to be. I love pink, books, letters, and stickers. I know every High School Musical song by heart. I have a weirdly specific knowledge of R&B and Hip-hop songs inherited from my brothers. I pray the same prayer at night, the one taught by my parents when I still shared a bedroom with them until I was fifteen.

A little confession: sometimes, despite loving the fact that I am wildly independent, I still miss having my mother around; even if it means having the occasional petty fights. Along with the tiny resentments of never fully living up to the image in her head, failing some of the dreams she also had as a girl, and rejecting the projection. I'm the most stubborn person I know, but sometimes I wish I could crawl under her table at her old office as I did so many times before, and cry before taking that nap I so vehemently refused but always took.

I look at old photos of myself as a teen and wish I was kinder to that girl, so I could unlearn the mean things I think about myself on occasion. One night on a casual doomscroll on Twitter, I read something along the lines of us seeing different versions of ourselves over the years and yearning for those times, how we never fully appreciate the current version until they become another face in a photo from years ago. A memory you didn't know you'd create.

I think about the people I had in my life then: friends, mentors, crushes, classmates, crappy boyfriends (ugh), and want to forgive her for the poor life decisions. She was forgiving to a fault after all, but she still makes me so proud when I remember how she learned her boundaries and stuck with them in the most crucial moments. The ones who were meant to stay are still with me to this day, the others who left have also left their mark on this version of me now, in some way. Some people have already arrived and others I'm looking forward to meeting soon. The growing pains feel especially potent as I continue to learn that change is constant and that sometimes who or what I want isn't necessarily good for me. The universe makes it known too often; I have to learn it by heart at some point.

Ultimately, I'd like to think she'd be so proud of me. Maybe, I turned out better than she hoped. I could also be such a stranger to her, a disappointment; her preparation for the real world. I still have a lot of work to do before I'm the adult she would have trusted and aspired to be, but knowing I'm on that path makes me confident that I can handle my problems like a grown-up. Being in my early twenties is to straddle the line between too young and too old, wanting to always do the mature thing, but sometimes still feeling like I'm a kid playing the role of someone who has it together. I don't. I don't think anyone does, really, not even older adults I know with much more interesting stories and problems. I try not to control everything and let things be because sometimes it's the only thing to do. Plans do fail, but somehow, things always work out for the better.

When I think of that transition from being just a girl to an adult with actual consequences, I remember Rory Gilmore crying in front of her grandfather at the end of Gilmore girls season 5; when she realized that she was no longer the golden child she was, but a young adult that might not be good enough for all of her aspirations.

I think about such tender moments of my girlhood, all the times I was teased for being chubby or having curly, unruly hair that earned me nicknames like Lion King or Hagrid. The first time I ever wore eyeliner to a family Christmas party, an uncle commented with such disdain, thinking I was doing it for attention. I'm weirdly familiar with terms like "malandi" or its English variations, even when I was just being friendly. In my first high school relationship, people gossiped about how my then-boyfriend was only with me so he could get higher grades, not for my looks. I know how they talked about a relationship they knew nothing about, completely overlooking how much I was hurt by this boy they adored just because he played some sport. I remember being a teenager, learning what it means to be attracted to another person romantically, and having a relative tell my mom, "Marielle's so into boys, ano?" even when I was single at the time and didn't really care for anything but starting college. There were weird older men who were creeps, and yet somehow I was made out to be some kind of a mastermind that lured them in. I was just a girl.

The beauty and innocence of girlhood are also marred by these moments of misogyny, sadly looking like a rite of passage every girl I know has gone through--one way or another.

At 16, all the pain I felt then felt like the rest of my life. A few days shy of 24, I realize that some pains are just too great that they will always stay, faintly, but life is so ridiculously unpredictable that there is no way we'll live on without incredible moments to show for it.

I look back on the year I just had in disbelief because so much has happened, most of them completely unexpected while others were dreams I worked hard to make my reality. I finished my undergraduate thesis on Filipino food and restaurants in the Filipino-American diaspora and graduated Magna Cum Laude from UP Diliman. I was in love with someone who I thought fit me so perfectly and felt the full aftermath of that heartbreak, lamented the impossibility of long-distance relationships, and believed I'd never do better; only to discover more about myself in the next few months and move on to a more beautiful love I never thought possible. I got into the 61st Silliman University National Writers Workshop, on my first (and could have been last, because I didn't know then when I'd be back in the PH) try, and spent two magical weeks in Dumaguete learning more about writing with the most amazing group of writers I now consider another chosen family.

I also outgrew some close friends. I had to process this unworldly form of devastation by going through all the stages of grief a million times over. I've reflected on what I can do better to nurture my relationships, and grown more appreciative of the unconditional friendships I have that continue to withstand time. I kept learning Spanish for two years and moved to Spain to explore more opportunities. It's been one of the most interesting years of my life so far, the emotions rising and falling like waves that sometimes consumed me whole. I've been through so much in year 23 that I'm both thrilled and horrified for the big 24, a year away from my expected quarter-life crisis.

I've always loved birthdays, by the way, and maybe I'll move on from it the older I get. I always look forward to the sweet messages and spending time with my friends and family. I like welcoming another year as an opportunity for me to try and do better. For this year, though, I don't have solid plans. It's on a Monday and I have classes to teach until 2:30pm. I reserved a cake with flowers all around it and a dedication written in Spanish, something the lady at the bakery wrote for me. I might take a few pictures with my film camera, invite some work colleagues for drinks, and cook Filipino spaghetti the way my mom does it. Maybe I'll call her, think of the ending to the movie, Lady Bird (2017). I could take the bus to the city center or enjoy a nice dinner alone with my Kindle. I might take calls from my friends and cry over their messages, miss everyone a little deeper.

I'll never be the girl I was, but she's still inside me somewhere. There's comfort in the growth. How to Say Goodbye by Paul Tiernan is playing through my laptop speakers. Someday, I'll look back to this time and remember what it felt like to anticipate my 24th birthday in Spain: a little lonely, slightly thrilling, and inevitably different.

I'll be changed, but not really--and it will be okay.

[the-mess-writes]

10.5.2023

As a writer and author with self-diagnosed ADHD, I've come to realize that I have what I'd say is an extention of RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria). This RSD in particular stems from the judgement that comes from having someone edit my work. And it doesn't even matter if it's negative, positive, or nuetral. I get intense feelings of shame, doubt, and worthlessness when I read the edits another person has done to my written work. It's something that has always been there and would often make me angry. I would get angry when anyone and I mean anyone, questioned or suggested changes to anything I wrote. Because in my mind it was then deemed not good enough, worthless, a waste of time. This then turned into my willful avoidance of anyone editing what I had written including by my peers. Because I didn't want to deal with the overwhelming emotions that went with it. OR take it out on them with the anger that was sure to follow. Knowing now that it is probably a part of RSD has helped me so much. Obviously it hasn't fixed it. But at least I can acknowledge and pinpoint where the anger and shame stem from. And then work to heal it and confront it. Adittionally something that I have alwasy done in situations such as these and even now is that when faced with judgement I often have to do it in micro steps. First I have to acknowledge that someone will be judging my work. Second I have to send my work to that person. Thirdly I have to prevent myself from spiraling into the hole of everything I've ever created is terrible and should be destroyed. Fourthly, when I receive the edits back I have to acknowledge that I have received them. After some time has passed, minutes, hours and sometimes even days, I will open up the message/hold the edits in my hands. I will glance through the message and/or the beginning of the edits. And then take another extended break. I will then reapproach at a specific time of my emotions when I feel ready. And then finally I can begin to absorb the edits. And it is guaranteed that I will need to take extended breaks in between, the number of which will vary.

It's like every detail that someone suggests and improvement on is a sledgehammar shattering pieces of my self-worth and self-confidence. Then once it's comepletely in peices. I have to stop, take time, gather up the peices, and reassemble them. Once that is complete, I can come back to do the process all over again.

It's exhausting, time-consuming, and draining on mine and other's time.

I'm not sure if other's feel this way, but that's what happens every time for me. Without fail. Sometimes i'm better at it, most times I'm not. And I really have no idea which one it will be until I'm fully in it.

Thankfully I have many things I can do to recharge and regain that worth.

I guess it also comes back to me being my greatest critic and if others can see the wrong things I have done then that means that I missed it and that makes it even worse. It's a terrible and almost inescapeable spiral with slippery slopes and even more slippery exits.

It brings me comfort to at least know that yes my brain may be shitty, but at least it's shitty for a reason, and the anger I feel, and urge to run from the fear, is there for a reason. I'm not a shitty human being that can't take a simple suggestion. My brain is just wired a bit differently and I can work through this. I am worth something. And the stuff I create is worth something too.

[kaylapocalypse]

Idk if this helps or if you're even looking for suggestions, but I have relatives like this and I tend to buy them experiences.

I've bought concert tickets for my parents to old people bands they like. I've bought restaurant gift certificates, gift certificates to spas.

I've also created variety packs of things. My father in law, a man with more money than god, got a collection of licorices from all over the world, purchased individually. My Sister in law, who offhandedly mentioned she's learning to cook, I got a full spice collection. Each one individually the best rated by cooks (not the most expensive, the one everyone likes!! some were niche overseas versions of cinnamon, others were like Target brand but the best liked)

I've also done christmases that are money christamses. Everyone gets a set amount (25-50$) and one food item that I am confirmed that they like (inexpensive, I'm talking pickles, chocolate, etc)

In the most dire circumstances when I do not AT ALL know what someone likes because we aren't close, I get them socks. Specifically, I get them the coziest softest socks ever. The kind of socks that make anyone alive want to take their shoes off and put on the socks. Most people have feet, most people wear socks. almost everyone alive loves things that are soft. An important part of the sock gift is that it must be packaged like a luxury item (regardless the cost). You may have the urge to switch to a scarf. Do not. Socks are better received than scarves.

For people in warm places where the sock gift won't work, I buy them fruit. Specifically, a variety basket of well wrapped fruit. This is a great gift for multiple people who live together because its like you're giving a gift to the "house". Also, if you do this enough, the gift receivers start expecting it (positive) and looking forward to it for the whole year and actually get disappointed if you get them anything other than fruit. (this is a good food gift because it has to be consumed within a time limit so it doesn't add to "too much food around" houses)

If its someone I have a work relationship with/slightly more professional, instead of giving wine/alcohol, I give them coffee. One bag of very interesting pre-ground beans and a gift card to either starbucks or dunkin donuts depending on how fancy-pants they are. If I know they don't drink Coffee, I change this to Hot-Chocolate.

For older people who are sentimental, I sometimes offer services. Digitize their music library and give it to them on a cheap device. Clean their tools and box them. Organize their photo collection and put it in a singular album. For gifts like this, you need time and to tell them earlier than christmas. They always enjoy you coming over to participate in doing this gift and then on christmas day, they get to show everyone what you did.

For my little sister I bought her a home cleaning. Around the holidays, youngish people (18-27) value this kind of gift immensely and don't tend to get wierd and defensive about it like if you gave this to your mom.

For men you're not close to, they get excited about upgrades and replacements to items they already own. Your dad has a drill, get him an even more souped up drill. Your brother has headphones? get him even more souped up headphones. Men you're not close to also LOVE if you give them research about the thing you got them. "i already have a drill" "oh man, i know, but this drill is Mens Magazine's pick for the year and has [long list of cool attributes.] here is a thing about all it can do!"

and lastly, If I don't want to give an item but I do like them and want to be with them, I will schedule a "catching up" dinner and pay for both of us, treat them to anything they want.

I hate buying Christmas presents. I don't know what my family want or need. We are simply not that close.

[tj-crochets]

Crafting update! I’ve been playing Stardew Valley for the first time so I’ve been a little distracted, but I’ve got a Bucky Bear that just needs the face and button appliques, and a dragon that just needs appliques, arms, tail, and horns. After that, I’m either making a Winter Soldier Bear, an ace bee, or a crocodile Loki. Or something else entirely. Sometimes I am consumed by the urge to make a specific thing and it disrupts my crafting forecasts lol

[euthanasia-rollercoast3r]

there is a piece of media that i really like. i first learned about it when i was 12 years old - back then it seemed like something mysterious, something people on the internet always talked about, but i could not comprehend at all. my first attemps to read it started at the same age, and they all failed miserably, but i finally managed to read it from start to end when i was 14.

i thought it was the best thing in the entire world. i spent hours on the internet looking at fanart and videos and discussions of said thing, my character designs and stories are all at least partially subconsciously inspired by said thing, and i kept thinking about how amazing that experience was for MONTHS. when i was around 16 or 17, i read it again, and it was not as good as the first time i read it. in fact, a lot of the writing in said thing was simply lazy and completely unsatisfying.

now, it is worth noting that i am very picky towards things i watch or read or play. a single line of bad writing can make me stop reading or watching something, and i will likely not even try to get into something by that author again. however, it did not happen to said thing. i acknowlegded how bad it really was, now that i was a bit older and wiser, but it was still an enjoyable experience. i had fun, and reading it was accompanied by the warm feeling of nostalgia.

it is also worth noting that i witnessed said thing’s downfall. both in the literal sense, when it presented its finale and the fans didn’t know what to do with themselves anymore, and in the figurative sense, when a godawful HORRIBLE sequel was released and most fans (or what was left of them, anyway) either decided to pretend the sequel doesn’t exist or dropped said thing altogether. i know now that the creator of it was a disgusting human being. i know now that it was actually a horrible piece of media with a very annoying fanbase, that people rightfully hated, that people rightfully removed from their internet experience. and yet, i still hold warm feelings towards said thing. while the rest of the internet now mostly just cringes at the mere mention of it, i remember the emotions it gave me, and i realize that after so many years and so many disappointments, i am still, in my heart, a fan of said thing.

even after reading it 2 times, sometimes i get the random urge to read it in its entirety again, and while i can resist it because it’s very time consuming, i know that inevitably i will give in and do it again. there is a possibility that i will never be free again, that something will always push me to come back to said thing, that i will read it again, not once, not twice and not even thrice.

i watched a lot of movies and i played an ABSOLUTE fuckton of videogames that could have had the same effect on me. but for some reason, they didn’t. now, i have a question to ask. to everyone, to no one in particular, to myself and to god specifically. out of all the things that could have burned themselves deep into my brain, out of all the things that could have fundamentally changed me as a person, why the FUCK did it have to be homestuck?

[writingwithcolor]

Gingerbread man as golem

@yaronata asked:

I would like to write a character who is Jewish and uses a Golem. She's based on the D&D class of the artificer which looks magic but isn't, because they produce all their effects with inventions, like the "any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" quote. Her story is that her very Jewish town was under attack from a terrible monster when she was little. Her Rabbis made a Golem to protect the town, and it succeeded but was torn to pieces in the process. She was fascinated by the Golem and as a kid didn't see a big difference between it's sentience and person's so was really thankful for its sacrifice like you would a person's sacrificing their life for you. They thought all the pieces had been devoured by the monster before it died, but she went looking and found the piece used to animate the Golem, which she, kinda misunderstanding called its "heart". She kept the piece and grew up to be an incredibly skilled cook, specialising as a baker in the town. I imagine she would make a lot of really good food for the Jewish holidays, or to break fasts on ones like Yom Kippur or Tish'abav. But she also made a town specific holiday to honour the Golem's sacrifice and the town still being alive, because I feel "we are not dead woo" is a big theme for Jewish holidays from my research, so it could fit, for which she invented ginger bread men to be the golem, and gave them little "hearts" of fruit or honey, and you're meant to eat them limb by limb like the beast did before eating the heart. This would be the inspiration for using the "heart" piece later to make her own giant gingerbread Golem to help her save the world.

These are my questions 1) would it be considered bad or disrespectful for someone who isn't a Rabbi to make a Golem, or is this method of taking an animating piece someone else made disrespectful? 2) Her journey will take her far from her town and her Jewish family and friends and she will likely travel with gentiles. Would it be disrespectful for a Golem to be used to protect a lot of gentiles and one Jew in the course of saving the world? I don't want to fall into the stereotype of someone putting all their effort into valuing and protecting very specifically the group that in real life is oppressive to them. 3) While she is not using magic and is actually mimicking its effects with technology she invents, is this drawing too close to the line of "magical Jew"? 4) I like to "play test" my characters in ttrpgs to really get a feel for them before I write. Would it be disrespectful to play a Jewish character when I am a gentile, and would it be disrespectful to play a Jewish character in a setting where there are demonstrably real gods other than the one of Judaism?

I really like this character idea and I think it's cute and fun and rooted in Jewish culture but I really want to make sure it's respectful and as good as I, a gentile researching on the internet, thinks it is. Thanks so much! Have a nice day!

My answer to this is very complicated because there are things I both like and do not like about this premise. First of all, I love the idea of a cookie golem, and I'm even imagining the magic word that brings him to life (EMET/truth) would be written in icing. And I'm okay with the part about how she found a piece of the old golem and used it to build a new golem, because that makes sense for a golem made from a baked good when you think about how people use sourdough starter to make a new batch of sourdough.

However, here are the thing that make me cock my head to the side like my little sister's German shepherd:

1. re: "magical Jew" - that's not a trope I've ever heard of. Remember, marginalized groups don't receive identical disrespect across the board. It is indeed a trope to use Black people or disabled people as supernatural plot devices who exist only to further the stories of white main characters or able-bodied main characters. But I can't say as I've ever seen anyone using Jewishness that way. Usually if we are someone's one-dimensional plot device it's as someone's lawyer, fixer, "money guy", etc, not a supernatural force. So this isn't something you have to worry about.

2. I have a certain level of discomfort with you playing as a Jewish character just because playacting as a marginalized culture you're not part of strikes me as off, but I understand that that's how you gain insight into a character you're about to write so it's more of a writing exercise than anything else. (I wonder if D&D regulars from marginalized groups have written about this -- I've only played a few times casually with family so if I did run into this type of discussion in my social justice reading I wouldn't have absorbed it. If anyone is curious I played first as Captain Werewolf, and then switched to playing as Cinnamon Blade because lawful good was too hard. :P )

3. I would prefer you omit the detail about eating the cookies piece by piece symbolically, for two reasons: a. it unintentionally evokes Communion by having appreciative people consume a baked good symbolic of an entity who sacrificed his life for theirs, and b. focusing on the details of flesh consumption reminds me too much of Blood Libel (yes, a gingerbread man is in the shape of a person but how many of us actually think about it literally, the way this act would cause?)

As to your first question: I'm fine with her making a golem even though she's just a rando. Second question: I see what you're saying and maybe it could be more okay if it's really clear how well these gentile folks are treating her? And questions three and four are answered above.

I really do love the idea of a giant gingerbread man golem. Cookie golem T_T <3

--Shira

I would like to second Shira’s point about not ripping apart the gingerbread cookies. I honestly would prefer they were used as decoration, and other cookies eaten instead, since that part just feels so not-Jewish to me, but I don’t have golem-specific issues other than that. It seems like you have already been doing a lot of research, which is appreciated.

As far as the ttrpg/DnD aspect… I bounce back and forth on the topic of playing characters that are so very different from our experiences, other than in fantasy-related ways. However, I am aware that a lot of people will play with, and experiment with gender in game, and learn something about themselves in the process (the number of trans players of ttrpgs who tried out their gender in game before they were out is high). It’s different with Judaism, and even more significantly different when it comes to things you can’t convert into, like various actual, real-world races. But because people do sometimes experience growth from experiences like this, I’m hesitant to dissuade players completely. I do urge you to, at a minimum, bring the same care, research, and willingness to learn, that you brought to this question.

--Dierdra

This sounds like a creative storyline that you could have lots of fun with 😊

At first I was confused by this part:

She also made a town specific holiday to honour the Golem's sacrifice

But then you really got me thinking about different types of Jewish holidays and how they come about, so thank you for that!

Because it’s often the little details that either make a story super powerful or kind of nonsensical, I think it would be a good idea to decide what type of holiday is being created here:

A full-blown chag with restrictions on labour and halachic obligations? These are commanded in Torah and new ones can’t be added.

A minor yom tov with halachic obligations but no restrictions? These were instituted by the rabbis prior to the destruction of the Temple, so again new ones can’t be added.

A public holiday or equivalent? This would usually be declared by the Knesset in Israel, and filter to the rest of the Jewish world from there.

A community-based yom tov with specific customs only for people in the know, such as certain Chasidic groups celebrating the birthdays of their deceased leaders? I asked around, but no one can really tell me how these holidays get started, which is probably a good indication that they arise quite organically from a group of people who all just feel that it should be celebrated. Probably not created by a single person, as such.

Something she runs from her bakery, not religion-based, but more like a day of doing special products and deals the way many small businesses do on their anniversary?

Now, if the people of a modern-day town were actually saved by a real live Golem, that would arguably be the most overt miracle for many generations, so there would be a decent chance of options 3 and/or 4 happening. It’s entirely plausible that there could be special foods for this day that become a tradition, including Golem cookies. People who directly benefited might also return to the site where the Golem fought the monster and recite the prayer, ‘Blessed is Hashem, Master of the Universe, Who performed a miracle for me in this place.’

Alternatively, if it’s important that your MC created the holiday, something like option 5 might be the best. Hopefully this will still fulfil what you need: you describe her as incredibly skilled, so I can imagine the day when she goes all out on the Golem cookies being one of the most exciting events of the year for the townspeople, just because her baking is that good. Plus, they already have a personal stake in the Golem’s sacrifice, so I definitely think it could be a thing without being an official holiday. Also, if she is outside of an all-Jewish environment, don’t forget that she would have to decide whether to commemorate the anniversary in the Hebrew calendar or the local one.

Coming back to the cookies, sorry if we’re getting a little repetitive on this point! But I don’t see the cookies being torn limb from limb as part of a celebration. First of all, this doesn’t sound like a very celebratory thing to do, to say the least. Can you imagine explaining that to a three-year-old on their first Yom HaGolem? They would be terrified! (I don’t read this suggestion as accidental anti-Semitism so much as getting carried away with a metaphor, which I’m sure as writers we have all done!)

But also, it’s worth pointing out that our commemorative foods aren’t usually that literal. If you think about hamantaschen, maror, or apple in honey, they’re all symbols. That’s not to say that having Golem-shaped cookies is a problem, as this sounds like just a bit of fun that the MC is having and not something that is directly at odds with Judaism or Jewish culture. But it’s worth bearing in mind that the more literal you go from there in terms of tying the cookies to the event they commemorate, the less culturally aligned your holiday food becomes.

Finally, about the Golem protecting non-Jewish people: I like this idea! There’s a stereotype that we only use whatever is at our disposal to help ourselves and other Jewish people, so a Golem being created by Jews but helping others as well is a big plus for me. Of course, as has already been pointed out, this would be an odd choice if her Saving The World team were anti-Semitic or otherwise disrespectful to her/her community, but I don’t think you were headed that way!

-Shoshi

I have to come back in here just to squee over the phrase “Yom HaGolem.” Well done :D

--Shira

[n0phis]

Opinions on ctntduo slash r or slash half r . Just the sillies in general actually LOL i care ab them a lot …

oh this is a very good ask!!! the answer is a little convoluted but :D

so long story short i do not mind it at all!!! i consume tntduo in like. i guess /p to /half r kinda way but that's just because of a personal aversion to romance and nothing more !!!

i won't draw anything with pda in it because i am just overall uncomfortable with pda, but you're free to read into whatever undertones u want from art i do HAHA so it's not so much a 'i don't like tntduo /r' as it is 'if i drew /r id draw tntduo /r'

very long answer! i always like to enforce the no /r boundaries here but i *also* respect the community so i wanna make sure it doesn't sound like i'm specifically targeting tntduo in my rules :D theyre my blorbos too my absolute fav character dynamic Ever, and there r Absolutely things to read into in canon

(one completely unrelated thing i would like to say in the spirit of not making a ton of massive boundary posts is that, while sometimes absurdly funny, nsfw comments about my drawings of any mcyt are pretty weirdchamp. i can't stop you but i do urge yall to respect cc boundaries and not involve me or my art if u dont)

[orion-nottson]

omegaverse is problematic, so let’s talk about it

A/B/O is fun and all, and I can respect it as a kink, but we have to remember it often:

Promotes and normalizes sexism and misogyny (i.e. femininity = weak/bad/punishment, masculinity = strong/good/desirable).

Specifically objectifies, commodifies, and sometimes infantilizes women/AFAB individuals.

Is hyper-patriarchal and exploits uneven gender power dynamics and weaponizes traditional gender roles.

Fetishizes and sexualizes LGBT+ relationships (healthy and unhealthy).

Specifically fetishizes transgender and intersex individuals (i.e. mpreg).

Glorifies and romanticizes domestic abuse, toxic relationships, and abusive relationships.

Animalizes and bestializes people (especially contextually problematic when the person is a POC).

Implicatively paints rape culture in a positive light.

Idealizes unhealthy, toxic, and/or abusive behaviors (i.e. jealousy, possessiveness, anger, etc).

Creates an implicit racial hierarchy wherein the stand-in for race is the rank/“subgender” (i.e. Alpha at the top (White-coded), Sigma (sometimes), Beta, Omega at the bottom (POC-coded).**

If you like A/B/O, whether as a consumer or writer or whatever, I’m not saying that you support any of these ideas. What I am saying, however, is that there needs to be a conversation held about Omegaverse, and its implications and thematic elements. For most of these, it really isn’t hard to see them manifest in A/B/O works (especially the gender and LGBT stuff), because for a lot of them they have become normalized within the genre. I feel that is irresponsible and unwise. These are issues that affect real world people daily, to varying degrees of harm, and a lot of violence occurs to the often marginalized groups that A/B/O tends to exploit.

All I ask is that you recognize these themes in A/B/O and Omegaverse media, because your silence or ignorance on the matter can perpetuate the problem. To be responsible consumers and producers of content, we have to be cognizant of its inherent problems.

I don’t have a complete or all-encompassing list of solutions, but here are some I’ve thought of:

Avoid gendered roles, obligations, and behaviors.

Diversify your A/B/O subgenders.

Don’t resort to stereotypes.

Frame abusive/toxic/criminal behaviors and acts as completely unacceptable, detested, and wrong.

Avoid portraying rape/sexual assault/violence as a “natural” or “inherent” urge/quality.

Subvert the hyper-patriarchal narrative by not always making The Man™ the head honcho.

Resist the temptation to make your LGBT couple’s only personality trait as “We’re queer and we fuck” (same goes for hetero couples tbh).

Remember that characters are still people, even though the work is fictional.

Please be careful about how you write/portray POC characters.

And for any work that may contain sensitive/offensive content, tag your work properly. Always disclose what your story contains.

Again, this post is not meant in any way to call out or demonize you if you enjoy A/B/O. It’s a valid kink, and I even like certain aspects of it. I just believe that it’s always smart to be conscious of the highs and lows of the things you enjoy.

I’m also happy to discuss this with anyone, so please feel free to reach me in any form to talk about what you agree with, disagree with, or are confused by. I always seek to start conversations, not fights, so I do ask that we keep discussions and arguments respectful.

Take care, everyone!

~

** I put asterisks after this last point mostly due to it being conjecture. I don’t have much concrete examples/evidence for this, as it’s a theory I’ve garnered from implicit themes in some A/B/O media. While I do think it holds weight and can be realistically proven, I still need to polish my thesis and do more research on it.

[knchins]

Hunger - Todoroki S.

Summary: Todoroki Shouto doesn’t want to follow the footsteps of his father. On the brink of starvation, he hears the call of a witch who finds a way to fulfill both of their needs.

Pairing: Incubus!Shouto x Witch!Reader

Rating: E+

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: Sm*t, v*ginal fingering, v*ginal s*x, oral s*x, c*nnilingus, choking, some mentions of (consensual) breeding, soft!dom Shouto, some begging ig, some mentions of sugar daddy/baby, Shouto is several centuries old and is of age, oh and some fluff

Notes: This was my very first request I think??? I got it months ago lol so idk if this person if even still following me RIP. But I had a lot of fun writing it and I hope they enjoy it wherever they are <3 I did deviate a little bit but not TOO much.Censored words is so I can show up in the gd tags.

 Dealing with demons had become sort of a pastime for her, the young witch living in the secluded wood out in the countryside. She greatly enjoyed the remoteness, though sometimes it did come to a great disadvantage. Travelers would come, asking for potions or spell-work, something to help them with their troubles in life. As a grey witch (one who practiced both white and black magic), she tended to be able to help just about anyone with anything. Of course there were a few lines she wouldn’t cross such as raising the dead or directly causing death. She did have some morals after all, albeit somewhat controversial ones.

 Whenever she needed an item that she simply had no access to, then she would call upon demons to aid her in her work. The first couple times she had been a little reluctant and she would be lying if she didn’t say she had a few close calls, but ultimately demons could be bartered with just as humans could. The lower leveled ones were rarely smart enough to outwit her or ask for something she just couldn’t give. So far, dealings were good and they only became better when she met him.

 On the fourth or fifth time she called out for help, this time she needed a rare desert root for a drying spell, she followed the same procedure as always. She lit her candles, drew a summoning sigil on the floor, and chanted the words that would bring her the closest demonic being that felt the urge to heed her call. She specifically did it in a way that powerful demons would not be attracted. In fact, she would much prefer to keep them away for they were much smarter and more conniving, and ultimately not worth the risk. This time though...this time someone with a little more juice than what she normally found herself bargaining with appeared before her.

 Todoroki Shouto was an incubus with the most prestigious lineage of any sex demon that resided in hell. His father was known by all demonic beings. He was number one in his class, The closest to king that anyone of them could truly be. He had also fathered more children than any other demon, enjoying ruining human women to the point that they could no longer be satisfied by mortal men. Shouto found it distasteful. The way Enji wold flux his hormones so that any woman within a few hundred feet would simply beg for him to fuck her, to breed her, to make her his. He had more half-siblings than he could count in addition to the three full-blooded ones. His mother had also been a high class demon with a pedigree, though her whereabouts were currently unknown.

 He was minding his own business, taking a nice walk through the woods in the mortal realm when he heard the call. There was a tugging sensation on his chest and a melodic voice ringing in his ears. It was not a call for someone like him. Someone capable of such true  power. Yet, something drew him in. Something about that voice had his interest piqued. He couldn’t resist answering her quickly, less some other demon came to her first.

 He appeared before her, hair split down the middle perfectly. One half red like his father’s, the other white as his mother’s. One dark grey eye and another a brilliant blue, his white button-down shirt loose fitting with a few top buttons undone to show off his chest. If he wanted to lure in the opposite sex then he could with ease, but Todorki Shouto had a secret. One that made him much less powerful than he could be.

 The witch was taken aback by the demon in front of her. He was certainly the most handsome she had ever seen, most lower level ones were not very pleasing to look at. It made them easier to deal with. Her curious eyes blinked as if to make sure he was really there. Immediately she could sense that something was off about him. Something wasn’t quite right, however she could not pinpoint what it was.

 Shouto regretted answering the call immediately. The witch he had been summoned by was possibly the most beautiful creature he’d ever set eyes on. She was pure beauty and grace, more stunning than anyone residing in hell or earth. In fact, part of him wondered if maybe she was an angel. However the various bottles of herbs and assorted animal parts quickly led him to believe that she was not divine. She was simply mortal and in need of help.

 “Oh an incubus.” She said, still looking very bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “What a surprise. I’m not sure if you can help me or not. You’re a little out of my league.” The last part seemed like a joke but Shouto wasn’t entirely sure.

 “Why did you call for me here?” He asked calmly, his face perfectly blank though his eyes were fixated on her.

 “I’m in need of something for a spell.” She said honestly, “Sometimes I call upon demons to help me gather items I cannot easily get.”

 “Is that not dangerous?” He asked, starting to look more intrigued than anything. “Do you not worry about your safety?”

 The witch let out a nervous laugh, “Well, lower levels ones aren’t much of a problem for me. You’re a bit more than I’m used to. I’m surprised you even heard it honestly.”

 Shouto knew immediately why he heard it. Because as it stood, his power level was that of some lower tier demon. He had only fed twice since coming of age. His hunger was almost maddening. It had been eating away at him for decades. But he would not be his father. He would not be a glutton for sex and breeding. He refused to follow in his very heavy footsteps.

 “I was simply within range.” He said, though she knew that him happening to be close by to her didn’t really mean much. The spell was designed to not be heard by anyone over a certain power level. Could an incubus really be below that? “What do you need?”

 “A root.” She replied, flipping through one of the many of her family’s grimoires. She found the page that had a drawn picture, name, and general description. “This one.”

 “You’re doing a drying spell.” He said out loud by mistake. He knew because he had had this particular spell cast on him many times throughout the years, though recently it seemed to be working less and less. It was to dry up sexual desire. It was one of the few things that helped him get by so long without feeding. Without it he would have been driven insane by lust many decades ago.

 The witch cocked her head at him curiously, “yes, I am. For a client. She’s tired of having children but her husband just won’t stay off of her. She’s hoping it’ll get him to stop.” She paused for a moment, “Can you get it?”

 “Yes.” he replied dumbly, as if it were totally obvious.

 “What is your price?” She asked then, realizing he didn’t catch the implied question.

 Shouto thought for a moment, it was about time to recast the spell judging by the lecherous thoughts that were starting to cross his mind. “Can you perform another one?”

 She looked perplexed for a moment before it dawned on her why he heard her incantation. He was starved. And he must have been for some time too. “I can but I think I can do something else for you that will be much more beneficial.”

 “And what is that?” Shouto asked, wondering if perhaps there was another spell or potion out there that was more powerful and thus would be more effective.

 “Just have sex with me.”

 That was how it started. Any time the young witch needed something, she’d do a more specific summoning spell, one that only Shouto could hear. And every time he’d come, no matter what he was doing, to aid her. She would often jokingly call him her demonic sugar daddy because he provided everything for her for the low low price of coitus.

 The first couple times had been a little awkward. Shouto’s abilities were almost dormant. He fumbled his way about her body which was quite embarrassing for a sex demon. However after a few practice rounds the two truly began to find what got the other off the most. And in half a dozen sessions Shouto was feeling power, but with power came hunger.

 When he appeared before her hearth one night, without an invitation, the woman nearly threw an old vase full of nightshade at him in terror. She only put it down when she realized it wasn’t just any random intruder, but her newfound lover. She hadn’t needed anything in quite some time now. Hadn’t called on him because business had been rather slow and the jobs she did get, she didn’t need anything from him. Perhaps it was a little cruel of her to not call on him regardless, but she honestly did not know how much his appetite had grown. How it began to consume him until all he could think about was her, naked and writhing beneath him as he pounded into her. He craved her and only her. It was not something that ever really happened to Incubi. After all they could have anyone they wanted. But he didn’t want anyone else. He only had eyes for her.

 “Shouto.” She breathed out, heart still racing as she set down the clay vase. “I wasn’t expecting you, did you need something?”

 His eyes were fiery as he stepped towards her and she could smell the faint scent of hell on him. She wondered if maybe he had another argument with his father. He had told her a little about his family life during post-sex cuddles. It wasn’t much but she knew he hated the demon that sired him. He always seemed to be wound extra tight after coming straight from hell, and that was usually the reason.

 “Go bend your ass over the bed.” He said, further unbuttoned the flowy shirt he typical wore. Her eyes grew wide, embarrassment heating her face as she took a small step away from him. It wasn’t really out of fear, just a simple reflex. He never really got demanding of her like this, maybe something was wrong.

 But the warmth pooling between her legs told her that despite the interruption, despite having not planned this whatsoever, hearing him order her to get into the bedroom had her flooding with desire, and he could smell it.

 Shouto didn’t really have to use his pheromones to seduce her. He was naturally attractive and had a body that looked as if it had been sculpted out of marble. No, he never used them before but he was definitely using them now and they had her weak in the knees as she trembled. She walked on shaky legs into her bedroom, keeping her thighs pressed together as she walked in an attempt to hide the wetness that was accumulating in her panties. It was pointless though. He could always tell.

 He left his shirt in the living room and kicked off his boots on his way to the bedroom. He lost his pants at the entryway, watching as she leaned over the side of the bed and resting on her forearms. Her eyes large and doe-like at the rush of adrenaline. Sex with with a sex demon was always an unforgettable experience. It was easy to see how people went mad over it. The way he made her feel, the orgasms he gave her, none of it compared to any other lover she had ever had. Perhaps that was one reason why she had been so willing to listen to him just now. She knew he’d make her feel good, and who didn’t like to feel good?

 Shouto padded over, dropping to his knees behind her as he pushed her skirt up over her ass so that the fabric could bunch at her waist. His nimble fingers hooked around the elastic of her panties and he slid them down with an odd amount of carefulness. He practically buried his nose into her sex, inhaling that sweet scent of arousal that had him feeling absolutely feral. His tongue came to prod at her clit, causing a small whimpering sound to come from her.

 He dragged his tongue over every inch of her pussy, savoring it fully until she was a quivering mess with shaking knees that threatened to make her fall down. “Let me breed you.” He said between kitten licks. “You can have anything in return.”

 They had been using protection until then. Sex demons were incredibly fertile and typically had no trouble creating offspring. But at the time when this started, Shouto didn’t want to sow his wild oats like his father had. This witch had him wanting to throw all of that to the wind. He just didn’t care. That drive to fuck without any sort of barrier was maddening.

 Anything from a demon was a very big price tag, and Shouto had never tried to deceive her. He had never been anything other than honest. And despite all her teachers to never trust a demon, she found herself trusting him. Every time their bodies intertwined she fell more and more in love, no matter how much she had tried to resist. She had thought some distance would have helped ease her feelings, but apparently it had been hard on both of them.

 “Y-yes,” She gasped out as he latched onto her clit to suck, “Ple-please, Shouto, fill me with your cum.” She was gripping the old quilt on her bed tightly to try and keep herself grounded, but the way he was eating her out, two lithe fingers now dipping into her dripping core made it impossible to even think straight. All she could think about was her simple need to have him inside of her.

 He didn’t stop working his fingers or tongue until she hit her first peak, moaning out for him in a way that had him nearly cumming prematurely. The strain in his underwear was painful now as he throbbed with need. After one long lick along her slit he stood up, grabbing onto the globes of her ass for pretend support.

 “Tell me what you want me to do, Little Witch.” He said as he pulled down his briefs and kicked them away as if they were the most offensive thing in the world to him. “You’re shaking like you want to say something. So say it.”

 “I need you,” She said, somehow sounding out of breath despite not having done anything besides orgasm. “Shouto, I need you so much.” He wrapped one hand around his cock, pumping in slowly as he watched her continue to tremble. “Please fuck me!”

 The amount of lust he was feeling for this one mortal woman was dizzying. No one had ever told him that one person could have this kind of effect on a demon. Neither his father nor his two older brothers. Was it that far fetched to think that something was happening to him that had never happened to them before? They all had a primal drive for sex but never towards one specific person. Shouto found that he desired no one else in any of the realms. He only wanted her.

 He pushed it without any hesitation, feeling her tense suddenly at his thickness stretching her out. He watched with fascination as he disappeared inside of her cunt, the warm, wet feeling enveloping him like summer rain. “Fuck,” He couldn’t stop himself from cursing and just how amazing it felt to be inside her. It was like taking that first breath of fresh air after being held underwater for an extended period of time. It was so damn freeing.

 The witch relaxed against the mattress, her eyes closed to focus on that beautiful feeling of him completing her with his cock. Shouto took hold of her hips to keep her upright and steady as he pulled out slowly before bottoming out all over again, her slick making for the best lubricant as he moved with ease.

 It started slow. Shouto wanted to revel in the heat. He wanted to drink in the feeling of her walls clamping down around him. The sound of her tiny whimpers when he pushed all the way in after pulling out. But this was much too slow for her, she couldn’t handle such a torturous rhythm. Shouto had eternity but his little mortal did not. Her time was limited and the thought of that made his heart suddenly ache.

 “F-Faster,” She dared to mumble to him, sometimes he’d punish her if she begged too much. If she didn’t let him enjoy himself properly. Today was not one of those days though. Today Shouto wanted to hear her cry for his cock.

 So he obliged, increasing his pace as his fingers dug into the flesh of her hips. His witch began to moan even louder as he hit that sweet spot again and again, making her dizzy with ecstasy. She never lasted long when it came to sex with Shouto, something he took great pride in. He loved nothing more than to give her multiple orgasms.

 But this view just wasn’t doing it for him. He pulled out abruptly, making her cry at the sudden emptiness. He flipped her over onto her back, ripping at her blouse so that it was torn wide open for him. Then he tugged down her bra to free her breasts before reinserting himself into her. He watched her face contort with pleasure, the glossy look in her eyes as he began to pound into her at a relentless pace. The hypnotizing way her tits bounced with every thrust, they were just so perfectly in sync with one another. It was the definition of beauty.

 Shouto brought a thumb to her clit, lightly pressing on it in a way that had her clamping down on him even more. It was as if she was trying to suck him in deeper, never wanting to be without him again. He grunted at this sensation, eyes burning with lust as her mouth made that perfect “o” formation with her eyes rolling back as her second orgasm overcame her.

 He never talked much during sex, choosing to be a silent observer. Every now and then he’d give a command or order, but that was about it. He had never been much one for dirty talk like his father or eldest brother. The witch was fine with this. He made it hard enough for her to think without adding the pressure of comprehending something as complex as language.

 Just when she thought he might be coming to his end, he increased his pace even more. She whined, still feeling incredibly sensitive from the first two orgasms. At least he had the decency to take his thumb from her aching clit. Instead he reached up and wrapped his hand around her bare throat, squeezing just enough to lessen the flow of oxygen and blood to her brain.

 She gasped for air, her moans less audible now as air came out in strangled puffs. He would loosen just enough to give her a small break before tightening back up again. She grabbed at his wrist, and he waited for her sign that it was too much. A double tap anywhere on his body with her pointer and middle finger, or their safe word if she could manage it was all he needed to tell him that he’d gone too far. But neither came and so he continued to abuse her pussy with a pace so fast no human could possibly keep up, and only when she was screaming his name a third time did he finally release himself.

 Shouto came inside her for the very first time. Normally he pulled out even with a condom on. He really wanted to take no risk. This time, this time he had to claim her as his somehow. If any other demon were to come to her then then they’d smell him all over her. They’d think twice before crossing a Todoroki, that was just how well known his family was.

 He removed his hand from her neck, before leaning down to kiss it softly. His nose nuzzled the underside of her jaw in a way that might have appeared to be loving if either of them knew what that word really meant. Her heavy breathing slowly calmed down, delicate fingers squeezing his biceps with care. A simple sign to tell him that she was alright and that he did good. She had found that sometimes he needed encouragement. Sometimes he wasn’t as confident as he pretended to be. But small reassurances were really all he needed to bounce back to normal.

 “Can you stay the night?” She mumbled. Any time she asked, any time she was feeling particularly weak for him, he would turn her down. Saying he had other things to do. Saying it just wouldn’t be proper. Making any excuse he could.

 This time Shouto did not move from on top of her. His mound clouded with the afterglow of such an intense orgasm. He knew then that he’d do anything for her. Anything at all. And because of that realization he hummed back a simple affirmative. He’d stay as long as she would have him.