#something they dont tell you about autism is that if you happen to be raised by and around mostly autistic people

[blueskittlesart]

i am not autistic but i do believe in their beliefs

[aquato-family-circus]

I miss Harvey so uh

*sits down in your inbox* tell me about Compton's family other than Dogen and Sam? I want to know your headcanons. Any of them.

context for harvey

eeeeyyyyy its been a while since i talked abt him or the boole family let's go

Like I said in the P7 family post I was typing up, Compton's parents were the wealthiest of all the 7's parents. I don't know if they run/own a fancy resturaunt brand or something to do with animals or what but they're like fanciful edwardian non-psychics who care a lot about their Image and how other people See Them. this certainly had no adverse affects on their child whatsoever

I mused a bit about Compton having a sibling or two, but still not sure about exactly how that manifests in the broader scope of things. it just ""sounds right"" whatever that really means

Harvey, my friend Harvey, met Compton in their young adult years because Harvey's family runs some kind of rustic ranch that the Booles held a fancy little charity event at and Compton was like "wow... you like horses....... this must be Romantic Love"

whether it actually was Romantic or just Compton and Harvey being very close i don't know. i like aroace compton and also gay compton. both can hold hands bc orientation is silly like that

the important part is they liked each other enough to get married. or like domestic partners at least. they move in. oh my god they were roommates.

their daughter, dont worry about how they had a kid, i never have a name for her. I'll call her Suzy just to have a name.

but i think Suzy's not psychic and takes after harvey a little more than compton, which was ok for a long while. compton actually raised her with harvey at least up into her teens, because I think she was 16-19 years old when the Incident Happened.

i think this bc i feel like Suzy and Truman have to be around the same age? it makes sense in my head for that to be the case at least. Don't worry about it.

Sam's prison/mom line in the diner gives me a couple options. either Suzy went to prison, works at a prison, or Sam's just being a little sillay.

I tend to gravitate toward "works at a prison" or "sam is being sillay". I saw a headcanon once that the noodle bowl chef lady is Sam & Dogen's mom, which is cute, I think about it sometimes, but i also dont rly think she feels like their mom. to me at least. but it was interesting to bring up.

what headcanons I actually have abt Suzy amount to thinking she's... well meaning but maybe the worst parent out of the Truman/Augustus&Donatella "second gen" of psychonauts folks.

to say the subtext as text, Dogen being cut to when Raz says "your mother is afriad of you", it always gives me autism mommy vibes. like Suzy goes oh my poor little dogen and sam are so Strange, just like my Father. I don't want them to become Criminals, Also Just Like My Father. and she maybe makes some poor decisions because of it. Not as awful as say Loboto's parents. but not great.

Their Dad I think is the most guy ever. just a real nobody kinda dude. he carries a briefcase. works a nine to five. loves to talk about the Big Game. has kind of a minnasota accent when I try to imagine him talking. car grill mustache.

Compton has a weird, awkward relationship with Suzy & her husband bc of all this. He had kind of lost contact with her and Harvey after moving to GNG, and didn't hear from them again until well after the Psychonauts became a government agency because that's when he learned 1) he's a grandparent and 2) little baby Sam is burning the curtains oh god what do i do . I imagine Suzy made a panicked call to the Psychonauts one day and it got redirected to Compton once the family name came up and it was the most awkward phone call in the history of man kind.

Compton does love his grandkids though. And he's tried a lot of times to let his own kid and his ex-husband that they are welcome at the Psychonauts. he might not be available but yknow the other agents here are more capable anyways have you met Truman he's also a dad.

I think that's all I got for now cheif, though if you have more specific questions abt Boole or the other families I'm sure my brain will mix something together once prompted ✌️ it's always fun to answer these kinds of questions

[icarusredwings]

It's up! Should be the post below this one <3

Thank you to anyone who reads.

It'll be up on Ao3 shortly.

Special thanks to @roxannepolice for conveniencing me about Cheetah virus, @strobbiery for encouraging me to finish it and @kidshows-are-life for the encouragment and letting me workshop ideas with you

<3 I love you guys.

What is clicker training?

Hi, im Forest, and i've worked rescue for a decade. (I also just so happened to write this fic!) If you aren't educated on what clicker training is and want to learn more:

No, it is not a kink (well- could be if you wanted to incorporate it into pet play), no its not abusive, infact a ton of people who are R+ use clicker training, and no, it doesn't involve punishment.

Clicker training is a more modern version of Pavlov training. Usually you would Click a clicker when the dog does something you want it too, followed by a treat.

Same thing as “Yes!” Training without the click and replace with a verbal “Yes!”. Pavlov training is when the animal hears a certain sound. It responds by doing/ expecting a specific action.

In Pavlov's experiment, he rang bells before/during mealtime and found that dogs got hungry when they heard those bells even when there was no food around.

The Office shows this.

This is what we will be doing to the Master.

Do your dogs run to the door when they hear your jiggle of keys or come to tell you its dinner time when they hear the clock strike 4 times? Congrats. Your dogs are instinctively pavlov trained!

I can not believe I have to say this, but NO. I do NOT support ABA methods.

Not towards the meme poster, You know who you are Lol.

Why the HELL are people comparing this to ABA? A thing directly applied to autistic children in hopes you can shut them down enough to mask for life and live as a neurotypical? To force them to stop stimming or to "talk normally"??

I will specify. As you can see there is NO punishment. None. Now I will admit that in the fic Amy sprays him with a water gun but its filled with catmint tea. (In her defense he keeps trying to kill Rory) This is more for the comedy aspect seeing as in the fic he still has cheetah virus and its super funny to think about.

This is nowhere near the same thing.

1. It's clearly an overexagerated and spoken in a joking manner. Do you think im trying to change him into smoothbob? Take away his personality? Honey, even if you wanted to, you couldn't force this man to "be normal." The guy shoots lightning from his hands. You think electroshock therapy is going to do a dent? Not to mention clicker training has no negatives. Only positives. If you're using a clicker to signal a punishment, you're doing it wrong.

2. This man is a mass murderer. In the billions. How is not wanting him to commit more murders a bad thing? "Oh no. You want him to murder less, Im going to compare that to a LITERAL child abuse method backed by Autism Speaks" (!!??) A group KNOWN to electrocute children who dont behave to the standard?

3. Since when is giving a dude snacks and praise for NOT trying to commit crimes, as well as setting a routine for a clearly homicidal person considered abusive? Do you know what else is abusive? Locking your best friend in a cage and forcing him to eat from a dog bowl for an entire year.

4. And yes, humans use dog training on children all the time and vise versa? We actually made dog training FROM raising children because dogs have the same emotional intellgence as a 2 year old when fully grown, some breeds have gotten up to 4/5 years old on that scale.

A lot of the same concepts. For example:

-Don't praise them after they've done something naughty or else they will think the naughty behavior is okay.

Im not gonna hug a child after it punches me in the face or praise a dog for biting me.

-Create positive association with specific things like hair clippers for co-operative hygiene care.

Kids are taught from a young age to allow their parents to stay still so they can wipe their bums and dogs are taught from a young age to stay still so we can clip their nails.

-Don't scold them for accidents and instead show them the correct way.

Despite popular belief hitting or screaming at a child for an accident will only make them scared to tell you, and hitting a dog for an accident in the house only confuses them.

5. How do you think bells in school work? You know the ones that ring to let everyone know its time to switch classes? Kind of the same thing for when farmers blow their whistles to tell their herding dogs different commands.

Or high pitched dings when you get an awnser correct in a game? Kinda similar to how we say "Yes!" And "good boy!" To dogs or even "good job" to kids?

Hate to tell you sunshine but young umans are NOT far off from having the educational standpoint of animals because we are in fact animals.

Do NOT be coming onto my page accusing me of things you obviously know little about. This topic got me so heated because clearly some of yall are very chronically online and seem to think feeding the Master snacks is abuse now.

I have kids of my own, and I'll be damned if im accused of abusing my children simply because there are similarities between training dogs and teaching kids.

And I shouldn't have to say this, but honestly, how can anyone look at this page and think "hm that person is definitely not autistic. I should accuse them of using harmful methods against autistic children." (which I have and are thriving)

But the fact that you're here makes you a fan! Bye fans, Love you <3 Thanks for the reblogs and engagement!

“why’s he always covered in blood” he needs enrichment. What’s not clicking

[straightyuri]

I think it's interesting how like uh lack of understanding shit like social cues and. Whatever else. Yknow what I means. In relation to autism. N other related stuff I suppose. Is treated as like an inherent thing. Like. It's treated as if you're neurotypical you just inherently know these things upon birth and if you're autistic you dont understand these inherent things. But like. A baby doesn't really understand these things... you are taught them... I don't knowwww there are of course things that are like. More idk. Biological I guess. Facial expressions n body language I suppose. But even then it's like. Nothing is ever JUST nature or nurture. It's both all the time. If you keep a wild animal as a pet from a baby you will most likely misread it's body language unless you learn it well. But also if you put that animal with others of it's species social misunderstandings can happen because it wasn't raised with others of it's species. Uhmmm. What was I thinking abt. Uhhhhh. I guess it makes more sense to me if possible the lack of understanding social whatevers isn't an inherent one but more of a problem learning them? I don't knowwww I've never seen it talked about maybe I'm just saying nonsense but like ????? I dont know I got mad about someone saying that autistic people just flat out don't understand social cues n whatever n if you do you aren't autistic n I got mad. What if you've learned certain things but others escape you. Learning is possible. So many things are like little games and people are not really playing them purposely but they are playing them and you can learn to play. You are not born knowing the rules. They're never listed out to you but they're not listed out to anyone else. Everyone kind of just learns them from being slightly influenced by the people around them. It is subconscious. And some rules fucking suck. But others make sense and of course they're there. But sometimes it's hard to learn them and it's even harder when no one treats you with any kindness when you're trying to learn and sometimes you don't even know there's something to learn and no one tells you.

Looks at the brick wall. what if we were all fucking niceys to each other

[kmr95]

in franks voice a good weird funny real human "hi you reached frank from the ymca" hah so one can dream but maybe but very slim chance since theres billions of real humans who wanna go to ivy league like alan tuing attended princeton so did einstein. ivy league might very small chance let me in for diversity since i am autistic or i have very high functiong asd or aspergers of course again well its difficult to tell since im close to neurotypical thankfully so I do wish autism or down syncdome wasnt veggatables sorry again if i offend anybody. I used to go to a autism summer cap in 2016 and i met real friendly humans and some of the counselors were from the uk. again real humans come and go in life so even real friends or relatives I don’t see often or never sen like my aunt myrtle or cousin barbara etc. cousin barbaras son has asd as well. Its sad though real friends like Irene befriend a fake ass mom of course so to more same old same old idiots who say i type analog silicon or digitized text walls well again you didnt take english class or attended prestigious schools like rutgers like frank did and you don't know what paragraphs look like obviously. i type paragraphs simply again not so long so i space them. again my real friend from the ymca frank beltane or frank stabile he told me about his nicknames before he died so he passed away but i will remember him for being a real friend a real human a good weird smart simple and funny. he studied sociology. oh course i will raise my adopted boy or fe"male" and call them frank ymca reid hah even before he died of course and raise them with physical verbal discipline and i will raise them of course again with eabos. Ill remain a virgin forever. in 2022 age 26-27 I realized a simple fact everything's always been old school.

alan turing went to the most prestigious school of course but was he being simple to think of eabos well no. he was an immigrant like ashley bernards parents again. ashley bernard she is great at math again like alan turing or charlie wills or abdul etc ashley bernard is mixed no accent she is tri lingual. I have only talked to her dad and messaged her relatives this month june or last month. I dont wanna talk to ashley right now because again nobody is special and eabos. I havent talked or messaged ashley bernard in like 5 months of course. last time i saw her in real life or analog was halloween 2022 again. you might know this refernence my name is ken "come on little bill" matthew reid or my long nickname rolls off tongue hah. i slapped kids in high school silly idiotic game and i snitched on one of the kids because well again I was a selfish idiot again thinking i was special and i was worried schools like rutgers or ivy league would judge me but you know things don't bother me as much anymore since knowing eabos and we all have something to hide as humans/ imperfect idiots again so i did do something sort of with dogs when i was 13 so i wont be vulgar again. my free will.

so anyway i hate bill cosby etc. of course so rape abortion to fe"males" is bad and inhumane. rape because you want a fe'male" or male so bad is still wrong but rape to be evil fake is really bad again. I feel yucky but again fe"male" humans are the weirdest human gender so its just how life is and it turns on most males in a good weird way and a bad weird way. when i was a teen or a minor i got motivated by a fe"male" deanna johnson in high school and i put a pic of her on my weight bar yuck and i had crush on brianna sanders from jack and jill group or nicki guerco in high school etc. so many real humans on earth overpopulated again overwheming a good and bad weird. it's also risky to drive and I have sped in my life before I knew eabos. I almost got killed riding my bike on the road in 2016 a bus almost hit me and my fake ass mom passed out while i was driving and she had injurys which i don't feel bad for of course. my ribs hurt and the air bags came out this happened in 2019 i could have died not be able to tell eabos obviously again. i am guilty of speeding on the turnpike or highway going over 100 to catch a flight in trenton but it was very late at night in 2018 and another time in 2018. some idiots in 2022 speed in the home life neighborhood like 100 mph like at glassworks my home life again. i have sped in my home life in freehold and in glassworks but like only 40 50 but it's still wrong. my real friend again elliott peyton told me twice about his real friend dying and he sped and drove far to the hospital. hopefully he was in great hands but sadly he died like frank. i wish my real friends got to meet my other real friends like frank from the ymca. so again obviously ill care what real humans and fake evil humans say analog silicon way or digitized me fighting fire with fire until you care. I will dismiss you not read or see what you care about. until you get or care what i say about eabos of course again.

#military #army #marines #navy #usa #worldwar2 #wwII #life #turing #chatgpt #reddit #twitch #tumblr #twitter #youtube #algorithm #google #tech #technology #callofduty #sports #comedy #fun #Princeton #ivyleague #marryville #ymca #frank #cancer

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

THE L GOT YASSIFIED N GHANDI IS AT 14TH ST UNION SQUARE!!!!!!?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the L stawped being a cunt on the weekendz w it’s fuckin delays n got individual seats that don’t clap back when u sit down ! Altho i am a “clap back “ advocate (Let ur cheekz Speak if they must ) i do wonder why

why is it always so awkward to hit on someone on public transit ?

we sit across each other staring each other down n i wish u were clumsy enough.

to leave a bag or your phone or wallet on the seat so i could say something to you but nothing is scripted here on this island of a city. there are only real moments. and this includes the pain in the people watching cuz sometimes we just end up watching them live their lives so much so in admiration we watch them leave.

I wrote dat ab some rly long white person with a maroon jumpsuit. N i don’t hav the energy to post a misc connection on Queer craigslist /LEX soooooo. Whut eve.

Dis week i hav been severely depressed n isolative besides for the day that the pilgrims decided to say it wuz the day that wuz gonna b ab slaying n giving . i ate sum dead bird n made sure even their bone marrow life mattered n cartilage cuz post veganism n peta rites advocate type beat a life is a mf life . Hoe .

Mi boss at union square Market s@id she saw her nekked neighbur whilst walkin around the duck truck. whut wuld u do if ur nekkid neighbor came to ur place of werk n every1 sais he is a rly nice person but he had a big SSHLONG. Now i kno whut ima wish 4 on my wishlist. No this isn’t 4 other bitchez . Nor is it for sshlong reveal. I wish some1 wuld notice meh as the nekkid neighbur at the union Square holidey market.

I whuhz almost in luv w a gurl who luved big patty wattyz n raised awareness for autism via tiK tok last yr n also i hate lex now!!!!!!!!!!! 2 many ppl wanting to give out their used sheets n Service tops who dont wanna Host . But i do thoroughly enjoy when Ppl wanna give their free concert tickets out . So lex gonna b the new ticketmaster to me but anarchist - community fridge version Without the food . Smfh . Y it gotta take watching perks of being a wallflower to realize we regret picking the boy w the eyebrow piercing when we culdve picked the 1 who got hit by a car butt still ended up pullin up to bossa limpin .

Im in luv with club E n gave them my tiara cuz they r a tucking princess and cuz their music reminds meh of myspace era sheit. Also they name is ren like me TWOOOOOO. twinnem:-] <3

As car seat headrest sayz in its only seggs i think bc of his demisexual cusp of asexual self .

“

OK, so I've been reading all the sex blogs

And they all talk about how OK it is to be gay

And straight and bisexual and asexual

And have sex however you like

But I don't care about hundreds of hypothetical people

And their hypothetical sex deals

I care about me, and my sex deal!

What about my problems?

Baby, my body

Constantly betrays me

I try to betray it

I only hurt myself

Yeah, yeah

I can't tell you if I like it, I like it

What happens if I don't like it? I like it

I can't tell you if I like it, I like it

What happens if I don't like it? It's only-

It's only sex

It's only

It's only sex

C'mon, sexual desire, speak! “

My brain is too fried from vyvanze dependence to decipher n explain it all right meow . I jus kno i luv those lyrics n i luv when post club - post party we all come back to mi lil floor mattress in mi tiny room n we kuddle puddle!!!!!!

Saw a Zyn nicotine ad omw to my lobotomy apt at callen lourde this mornin n i miss the dude who gav tht to meh while me werkin this japanese restaurant once n holy sheit i wuz shaking n shitting n crying my entire shift . I miss werking there cuz i made $400 a shift n lowkey I could get any vacation hours i wanted. Now im like a finance bro who goes to reggae bars in the city N gets pussy on hinge . v_v RIP!!!!!

i havnt been to saint vitus penus yet but thts Ok cuz i heard someone saw pee pee juice n eyeball juice on the bathroom mirror once n ill just stick to duffz if i wanna find a punk goth giorl to destroy my Third hole . Im crying a lot these days super fragile as well as today being a significant date for me N i missh ketamine so damn much butt i refuse to sniff anymore cuz i nvr kno how to dose w the diff german strainz n i always get sickie or khole n see myself on a train n being someone’s mutha . Weird!!!!!!!!!!’

Idek if i givin up on life or life givin up on meh but im just mf done . N i kno dis cuz im in my candle era yall . Where i lie n say i’m “running errands “ but sniffin diff candles at target n burglington ALONE . all dis for some mf seratonin biotch ????!!!????? Alsoo last randomo thot but i luv one of my good friendz from nyu n they were ganged up on bc of some DUMB RUMORS n i gots to say i kant stand a fucking bully or ppl who kant extend grace to others cuz it just feels v cliquey n stupid . Lik if we rly gonna believ rumors n gossip n not see someone’s character or try to understand i don’t see how ppl can b ok wit the ppl they hav to be with when they r alone with themselvez at nite . We r constantly evolving and it’s wrong to hold things against people esp in this age and this goes for me as well. I hope to receive the grace and love and empathy that I extend .

Soooooo many more fuckin thots n ramblingz like how i wish there was a poll i could start somewhere outside of instagram ab who wuld fuck G Eazy post halsey (Cmon , “tumblr girls”was an AMAZING song!!!!!!) N how much i luv egg by the garden but. Til nxt wk Babez.

Xx , ketaminechic NOT CHICK who doesn’t do ketamine anymore but kant put the energy into changing it then changing it on all platforms cuz omfGGGGGGGggg who cares that deeply ab this social media Bullsheit anywayzzz , Renny baby <3 :-] visit me at union square market Booth c20til Xmas eve !!!

[phantomdimension]

For the fandom thing: I'm The Grim Reaper & SchoolBus Graveyard!! (Love hearing you talk about them 💖)

oh hell yeah my other fave dead people and my other fave kids who fight monsters in their dreams!!!

imma put it under a cut since it's gonna be Double

itgr first!!

blorbo: [looks at scarlet, chase, and brook] [sweats nervously] i can have three blorbos from my shows, right?

scrunkly: lightstalker. lightstalker!!!!! she's so SHAPED and she's literally just a baby look at her!!!

scrimblo bimblo: VERONICA... chase's mom is SO underappreciated. she loves her son so much, genuinely, and is generally such a good mom. thank god she's a crimelord now.

glup shitto: celeste... she's not really got a lot of screentime and i fucking ADORE her so much. for starters, she's gorgeous (her golden freckles...), and then she's honestly really funny when it comes to interacting with azrael.

poor little meow meow: sighs and points at azrael. idfk what he's doing and he grates on me sometimes but like, he's kinda hot? he's also pathetic. he fits the bill in every single way.

horse plinko: i'm not sure if it's the Correct response but like. satan. horse plinko-ing satan.

eeby deeby: i... i dont know about this one, like, half the cast already goes to normal hell on the daily. i guess liam for killing a random guy and then threatening chase? idk what satan would do with superhell plus i'm already plinko-ing satan so it's liam

aaand now school bus graveyard!!

blorbo: taylor... i think about her so much, but specifically bc of how playful but kind and soft she is? she put googly eyes on her damn mace??? the second she thought she+everyone else was safe she immediately just >:P at the phantoms? but then the second that aiden tells everyone about what happened to ben, she goes so soft and reaffirms him/assures him/is so supportive and--

scrunkly: ben.......... he's so sweet and soft and just super baby? like i know logan is probably the general answer for scrunkly bc yeah he's baby but i just wanna squish ben's cheeks and mess his hair up and tell him everything's gonna be okay

scrimblo bimblo: actually, logan? idk i dont see a lot of people talking about him, it's usually aiden people hype up aggressively. and like, fair enough, but logan is genuinely so soft and sweet, and he's so anxious? people only talk about how anxious he is, though. but he tries to mask his anxieties in front of whoever the old people are (i'm personally choosing to believe those are his grandparents and he was raised by them unless im forgetting something from the "get permission to get self-defense training" arc) and he does a good job of hiding the fact that he's suffering to hell and back in front of them. which is really fucking depressing, but like, yknow. also he gives me big autism vibes. 90% of the cast does, but specifically the "[Tyler] Well, that's professional." / "[Logan] I don't know, it doesn't seem very professional..." / "[Tyler] I was being sarcastic." Anyways people don't appreciate him enough--

glup shitto: ASHLYN'S PARENTS they're so good on like 40 levels. their daughter KNOWS that they're just being overdramatic and goofy when they're like "oh woe is us our dreams of sleepovers and eavesdropping are shattered by our daughters lack of desire to make friends</3", they don't push her or enforce that she has to make friends, they're gentle and encouraging and also they've yote like three kids to the ground, i think.

poor little meow meow: squinting at the cast. none of them are really controversial or pathetic, tbh! so i guess i gotta pass on this one.

horse plinko: alright currently unnamed lady w the origami phone charm who led everyone into the sorrel weed house it's time for horse plinko

eeby deeby: squints at them all. i don't really think the teacher has anything to do with it just because of how surprised he was to see ashlyn's shadow with short hair, but also the origami on his desk matches the origami charm on the lady's phone so i'm sending him there now.

[transsexualhamlet]

okayokayokay i have like. Q U E S T I O N S because i have *wanted* to read no longer human but have been afraid to SO -

1) what's it like? what do u think of it? im sooo curious 👀

2) do u think that asagiri-sensei based bsd dazai sorta off the book more than off the actual authour? i seem to remember reading that once but i dont remember if it was speculation or not

3) .......just infodump as much as you want, really; im Curious™️ and it looks like ur having fun with the book XD

p.s. - have fun with crime and punishment; thats a book ive DEFINITELY been meaning to read (but i havent had time to yet djfjdjfjf)

AHHHHHHH HI TYSM I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK. I read the entire book in 2 hours before going to bed like four days ago, though it probably wasn't the best time to do it, that shit is nightmare fuel

I'm just gonna preface this with I know basically nothing about the actual author other than what's in the book, also I read the manga version (the junji ito one, yeah) so yeah I'm not sure how much that differs from the original text.

So for how much he based it off of the book vs the actual author, I couldn't really tell you- no longer human is somewhat of an autobiography, so I'd say that those work together. (it's complicated, bc the main character of no longer human is not actually dazai, but dazai is there, and they like??? basically say that that character and dazai are like actually the same person???? and they like, switch places at the end?? its really confusing, but basically, I'm treating the mc of no longer human as dazai himself.) The important stuff about the author that I know of worked into dazai's character is all in no longer human too so,,, yeah. I think saying that it's based more off of that book is probably true, though I don't know what asagiri was thinking.

But about the book itself- Yeah uhhhhhh seriously, I don't really recommend reading no longer human if you have much of a sensitivity to basically anything, especially the graphic novel version because when i say graphic novel i mean Graphic there is so much nudity, sex, s/a, addiction, violence, Mental Illness of all types, religious trauma, obviously suicide, and frankly just visually horrifying stuff

So everything under this is gonna be under a cut just cause Uh Yeah It's A Lot and i do not want to subject everybody to it

But reading it was certainly something I am glad I did, because it did teach me a lot about dazai and how he was created, as well as confirming a lot of theories I had about him that can't be confirmed or denied in bsd canon.

Like me and my friend were just like examining his character and kind of coming up with ideas about him- like we both agreed that he had Motherless Energy TM and that his dad had to have been an absolute fucking piece of shit. Also, we thought that he definitely had to have had A Lot of csa trauma and probably issues having to do with his neurodivergency when he was a child.

Literally all of that ended up being true within the canon of no longer human, so I was kind of impressed that we were so right?? It makes me feel better for thinking a lot of those things, especially since they're just Pretty Fucked Up.

But yeah its. No wonder he turned out that way when he was So Autistic and Masking So Much And So Badly and with absolutely no guidance as how to deal with his neurodivergency other than just fucking let anything anyone wanted happen sooooo he got raped, as a kid, like. A lot. A LOT. And basically ended up thinking that because of this all humans were just horrifying awful monsters and yeahhhhh things pretty much went downhill from there

I don't have a ton of time so you can send me more asks about it lol this is just barely scratching the surface this thing is pretty intense

A lot of other things that I think I can apply to bsd dazai as well, tho they're not gone into that much in the canon:

-This dude is like always fucking drunk or high, cause he just cannot stand being sober that much. He's a serious alcoholic and actually addicted to opioids and I cannot think that much differently about dazai. He's got issues.

but there are a lot of differences between Dazai and the no longer human mc, though there are enough similarities that this is definitely the dude he was based off of.

The main difference is that the no longer human mc is actually just a good guy. He's made a shit ton of stupid fucking mistakes, but he's trying to be a good man and he feels awful for the things he's done, which, I really cannot say Dazai has. Dazai is not a good man, I think everyone knows that. He doesn't really care that much lol

-both of them are like. Weirdly popular with women. Which is hilarious but like, with Dazai he doesn't really take it seriously, and he actually flirts with women. The no longer human guy like. He doesn't hes just like Tragically Attractive and women want to be with him and he has no clue how to say no so he just ends up being a whore bc hes socially useless. It causes a lot of problems bc hes like constantly cheating because of this lol.

-Dazai has a much more poetic view of it all? The no longer human guy is just fucking suffering and hes like why is this happening to me im so awful and i bring misfortune to everyone around me and its not fair and he wants to die and everything but it's not at all in the same way that Dazai does. Dazai acts more like an author than him, in the sense of his "I want a death that is narriatively satisfactory and I want to know the meaning of living by seeing the worst of it and observing how it is to be a human" yeah that's not the same at all. No longer human man really just doesn't understand them and is just. Not having fun

-Also, it's really the thing about Dazai having such an utter lack of religion compared to his original counterpart. Like, the main thing that kept this dude alive for so long was the fact that he had so much religious trauma and was constantly guilty and worried he would go to hell and basically scared of everything. Bsd dazai is like, nearly the opposite, he's the kind of dude who was born and raised atheist, and in the kind of way that he's trying to basically come up with his own meaning of life and religion to follow, whereas the original is struggling to live with one that's been perscribed to him. Both are Very Neurodivergent but it was, handled differently

And yeah i really do have to keep this short, you can totally ask me more and I have a lot more to say but one thing I want to bring attention to is the fact of something they do have in common- their masking. It's a big part of no longer human, about how the mc doesn't understand social customs and what is acceptable or how to talk to people or seriously be happy, so he basically comes up with this "clowning" which is basically, make a fool of himself on purpose all the time so people will never take him seriously or think he's good or smart. That's something dazai completely does, wholeheartedly, and something that fucks him up bad in no longer human. And I think that could be examined a lot more deeply, this dude has issues and so many of them are related to autism. God, I have so many thoughts but aghhhhhhhhhhhhh i hope u enjoy

[auntbibby]

“When I thought I was a dude” you are a dude, except now you have gross man boobs

you really think a doctor-regulated regimen of estradiol & cyproterone acetate doesn’t do anything at all? like, nothing whatsoever?

ive had d-cups since i was like 16. theyre the result of an autism medication combo i was prescribed that later turned-out to Not be approved federally for anyone other than schizophrenic seniors. it was a huge class-action lawsuit against Johnson & Johnson pharmecuaticals. i was told over and over again that me having these boobs was “bad” and “embarrassing” and “detrimental to your manhood, which is Bad” so i was like ‘Uhhhhhh ok i guess i’ll grow a huge beard? If that’ll make you all stop bullying me about these?’ the fact that having huge boobs DIDN’T make ME feel bad didnt really occur to me as something to worry about so i didnt even realize i was a translady until like a decade later (when i got myself started on HRT as fast as i could).... despite the fact that i had been obsessed with body-transformation sequences/narratives since i was like a toddler, exclusively ones in which the transformee acquired a more vulnerable, supportive, relateable form than the aggressive, rigid, unrelateable, depended-upon one they had prior..... what can i say: being raised in an evangelical christian community primes your mindset to be pretty oblivious towards Queer Theory or Intersectional/3rd-Wave Feminism???

my HRT didnt give me these boobs!!!! they reduced the amount of hair my body (& face, to a lesser degree) grows, softened my skin, started redistributing my waist fat to my hips, and have DEFINITELY been changing my physiology lemme tell you.... i cry WAY more than i used to, i CONSTANTLY blame myself whereby before id blame somebody or something else... and simple pictures/drawings canNOT turn me on anymore, i have to make sure the entire context of the characters doin the sexytimes makes perfect sense in my head or it dont do nothin for me. its like porn doesnt WORK for me anymore but suddenly these romantic/erotic written-stories really Really DO.

seriously, you can say “biology textbook” all you want, but when you have HIGHER estro levels and LOWER androgen levels than the average ciswomen (to compensate for still havin balls) that changes a LOT about your body after a year or 2 or 3 or 40. there are a LOT of anecdotes on transwoman forums about things like feet growing in size (like what sometimes happens to pregnant ciswomen due to a huge sudden change in hormone levels), body parts feeling completely different at the touch, finding themself becoming attracted to men more & more as they get later on in their HRT regimen (this one is controversial obviously but we’ve had to accept that it does happen to us.... we usually just conclude “maybe they were always attracted to men, but when THEY felt like men they couldnt accept that about themselves due to internalized homophobia/societal pressures?), even the refractory period just straight-up shrinking away into 0 minutes & 0 seconds.

[libra-araelty]

Hello!

My name is Neo. I am a neurodivergent young adult from the United States.

Neurodivergent, you say?

Yes! Neurodivergent means my brain does not function the same way that a typical human does. However that does not stop me from living a normal, everyday life just like everyone else!

I have Asperger’s Syndrome, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder (MaDD), and Dyscalculia, all diagnosed. It is also highly suspected that i have Bipolar Disorder and Trichotillomania (TTM), suggested to me by people who have either condition.

Being subject to these conditions, I have quite a few struggles in my daily life. I have sensory issues, so things like uncomfortable clothes and strong scents can make it so I’m unable to function at full capacity. If these sensory issues are pushed further and further, I am at risk of going into a sensory overload or a meltdown. That only happens very rarely for me, though.

My attention span is very flaky, and I have a difficult time staying on one topic for long periods of time. I need constant changing stimuli for me to not burn out while on a task. This ironically contributes to hyperfixation, an intense focus on one particular thing for a period of time. I know, that seems like the opposite of what I said before, but they are linked. See, hyperfixation isn’t exactly something that can be forced. When hyperfocusing, I may not be able to take myself out of that particular focus, and it consumes all my thoughts for however long my brain decides to hyperfixate on it. This contributes to my flaky attention span because instead of being able to force myself to focus on something im supposed to be doing, instead the brain goes “no, you’re going to think about this one thing and we’re going to make it very hard for you to focus on anything BUT this one thing. Special Interests (SI’s) follow a similar, yet more intense pattern. SI’s last much longer, if not lifelong for me. Theyre more prominent and effective on my life than my hyperfixations.

This is where MaDD comes into play. MaDD is a condition that can be adopted and unlearned. The DSM doesn’t recognize it as an official disorder, but it is a condition that exists in many people, especially people with attention or anxiety related contitions. MaDD shares a lot of traits with cases of addiction too, however this one is much easier to take control of and is not exactly harmful. The first word, maladaptive, can be broken in half: Mal and Adaptive. Mal means bad or poor, and adaptive means the ability to adapt. Maladaptive Daydreaming basically means daydreaming that causes poor adaptation skills. MaDDers are typically those who have conditions like Autism, AD(H)D, OCD, General Anxiety, and Dyslexia. Most people adopt the technique of Maladaptive Daydreaming in their childhood or early teens and if not caught early on, can last their entire lives. However, MaDD isn’t essentially a harmful thing. Like I said, it’s easily controlled. You may be asking, “what exactly is it about MaDD that causes poor adaptation? its just daydreaming.” MaDDers daydream at an average of 6 hours minimum a day. These daydreams are intense and easily triggered by everyday things like music, art, friends, even normal emotional events. MaDDers tend to use these dreams as an escape from reality but also a reality of their own, like a lucid dream but for your waking self. The daydreams tend to have intricately woven worlds, stories, chracters, and plots, all feeling just as real to the dreamer as the rest of life itself. MaDDers tend to daydream to escape real situations they may not want to be a part of and sometimes even cancel plans just to continue to daydream.

Why are you telling me all of this? This all seems so personal and insignificant to me.

This is FAR from insignificant to anyone. You may not be Autistic or a MaDDer or even neurodivergent, but I know that as a human being you still have lots of struggles, just like me. Ive told you all about my struggles and you’re probably thinking “wow how pathetic, they cant control their own brain.” Yeah actually, I can. Even if you weren’t thinking that, (which I actually highly doubt anyone was thinking that I just wanted to put an example of worst case scenario) what if I told you that no matter what, no matter who you were or what you were going through, you can still grab hold of yourself and make your life yours? You better believe it, because despite all the conditions I just told you I have, I have taught myself to make my own path in life and not let my struggles decide what my fate is. I believe anything is possible with a little patience and elbow grease, so thats why I have made this blog. It is sorta a combination of a journal, an advice blog, and an inspirational quote blog. I want to be able to share my knowledge of my identity and experiences in order to hopefully inspire someone to get up out of the hole theyre stuck in and make their life their own again! I love the conditions I have, and I use their benefits as my superpowers and dont let the negative aspects of them hold me back. They are a part of me and who I am and I will treat them with just as much love and care as I should treat myself, and hopefully you can treat yourself with the same amount of love too <3

With love,

Neo

P.S.

Heres a couple more fun facts about me!

My biggest special interests are Homestuck, Dragons, and literally just identity in general and have been special to me for almost 5 years now

I love music and my favorite artists are Imagine Dragons, Fall Out Boy, OneRepublic, Vance Joy, hi i’m Case, Of Monsters and Men, and Watsky!

I love to draw and play D&D! I love the character creation and I’m currently working on my own campaign

My personality labels are Sun Libra, Moon Sagittarius, Rising Taurus, INTP-T, 5w4, 541, Ravenclaw, Thunderbird, Seer of Heart, Dersian, True Neutral, Blue-Green Paladin, Firebender, and Skywing Elf

If I were a D&D character I’d be a true neutral forest gnome sorcerer sage who wields a katana and raises dragons

My favorite movies are How To Train Your Dragon (1&2), It, Star Wars, and Pete’s Dragon (2016). My favorite shows are The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, The Dragon Prince, Camp Camp, Gravity Falls, Twelve Forever and The Mandalorian

I love making aesthetics and stimboards, my favorite colors are blue violet, cornflower, sapphire, teal, spring green, and bubblegum pink. I love pastel kawaii fashion because of these colors

I either want to become a cartoonist or a counselor as a career, or both and be able to use one to help the other

[thechangeling]

For better or worse, I am alive.

So basically my brain is being a jerk again and making me suicidal. So I decided to repost this.

Set after QOAAD.

Sometimes mornings just hurt.

Kit had no explanation as to why.

There were just days when he opened his eyes and the burden of the day ahead was simply too much to bare.

Today was one of those days.

I'll just sleep for a few more minutes. I just need a little more time. Just a little longer.

Then five minutes would become ten and ten became twenty and suddenly a whole hour had gone by. The heaviness in his heart growing by the second.

Expectations hurt.

Like the way Tessa looked at him sometimes with a glowing smile. Like she was seeing someone else through him. Caught up in her own fond memories. Wanting him to be like the Herondales she lost.

Be brave and strong. Be the perfect warrior like Jace or a hero like Will. Everyone's counting on you. Don't be weak.

Don't be weak.

Herondales weren't weak.

Kit wished he didn't view his feelings as a weakness. He wished he could give himself the same love and empathy he felt for Ty.

But he just couldn't.

Logically he knew that just like Ty's autism, his feelings which seemed to be symptoms of depression, were beyond his control. And yet still he could hear those harsh, jagged words forming in the back of his mind.

Weak. Pathetic. He doesnt love you. He never will.

No one loves you.

It was moments like this when Kit remembered what Julian had said to him about Ty's differences.

There are shadowhunters who can barely get out of bed and there are shadowhunters who find that the words float off the page when they try to read. The clave is aware of these things, but they push these people into the background. They're considered the dregs of the nephilum community. I never wanted that for Ty. They can never know.

The dregs of nephilum community.

No one would have dared to imagine that a Herondale could be one of those people. Different. Not at all falling into their little cooker cutter idea of a perfect angelic warrior.

It was the same kind of thinking that led most people to assume Kit was straight. No he couldn't possibly be "like that".

Fucking small minded babies. All of them.

Memories hurt.

Memories of Ty's smile, his laughter and all his quirks.

Then the memories of Ty raising Livvy from the dead. Pleading with him. Telling Ty that he loved him. He knew it was a bad idea and he knew Ty wouldn't say it back and he knew he was being pathetic and selfish and now he was sinking again.

Kit never really knew what it was like to be loved. He never had a mother growing up and looking back on his relationship with his father, he was almost positive that he had never really loved Kit. At least not the way the Blackthorns loved each other. He shouldn't have let himself crave Ty's love. It would never happen

However, he still let himself hope. Maybe this time things could be different. Maybe this time the pain wouldn't win. But it did. It won in the form of anger. Kit allowed the darkest parts of his mind to transform the heartbreak into anger.

Anger was easier. Anger hurt less then the truth.

I wish I never met you.

A fucking lie.

I love you. I need you. I feel like I'm drowning, I've been drowning my whole life and you're the only thing that makes it better. Things don't hurt as much when you look at me. I'm sorry I know you're dealing with a lot but I need to talk to you. I need to talk to someone.

No. He could never say any of that. He couldn't tell anyone.

Kit rolled over in bed and checked the clock on his nightstand.

3pm. Jesus christ.

Pathetic. Worthless.

Kit squeezed his eyes shut and put a pillow over his head.

I can't do it. I can't do anything.

A knock on his bedroom door jolted him out of his thoughts. "Kit?" Tessa called apprehensively, "Are you alright?"

She didn't sound angry or even exasperated.

She sounds worried.

Worry. Pitty.

These were things worse then hostility. It made everything harder.

"Kit? I'm coming in." The door swung open to reveal a frazzled looking Tessa. Her brown hair had been tossed up in a messy bun and she wore baggy excersise clothes to accommodate her rather large baby bump. Any day now Tessa and Jem would have a child of their own. They probably wouldn't want him around any more.

"Sorry, you didn't answer me" Tessa spoke tentatively, almost as if she was afraid to break him. "Its been one hell of a day. Jem and I are trying to finish the nursery."

Kit looked down avoiding her eyes. "I'm sorry" he breathed out, unable to speak any louder then just above a whisper. It would require too much effort. " I just dont feel well".

I just dont feel well.

I think I'm sick.

These are the phrases Kit kept repeating over and over again. Different ways to tell Tessa how he was feeling without actually telling her.

Tessa sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed beside him. "Ok, but it seems like you haven't been feeling well for awhile now" Tessa explained worridly. "If you need to talk about anything, I'm here." Tessa gave him a comforting smile. Kit was still trying to avoid looking her in the eye.

Why is this so hard? She might understand.

No, She won't. No one will.

Kit could feel his eyes beginning to water. Tessa gently rested a hand on his shoulder. She was biting her lip in contemplation as if deciding what to say.

"Kit listen" she began. " let's say supposedly you had something wrong with your physical health. Maybe a heart defect or a brain tumor or something".

Kit looked up slightly alarmed, "but I dont have a brain tumor?" He cocked his head slightly in confusion.

Tessa looked like she was fighting a smile. "No, but just bear with me here ok?" She pulled her legs up onto the bed so she was sitting crosslegged and then took a deep breath Kit felt the urge to apologize, but instead shook it off. Maybe she wasn't annoyed. Perhaps this was something completely different then Tessa telling him off.

"So, as I was saying" she continued, " if you had something wrong with your physical health you would do your best to seek treatment or talk to a doctor. Right? Or at the very least, you would tell someone".

Kit wasn't sure if he was supposed to answer

"I guess yeah. But I dont get what this has to do with anything" Kit replied hesitantly.

Tessa gently took his hand. " My point is, if you would seek help for a physical problem then why wouldn't you do the same for your mental health?"

Kit inhaled sharply. She wasn't supposed to know. Perhaps he wasn't being as discreet as he thought. His instincts were telling him to deflect or deny it. Do something to make her stop looking at him like that.

But the minute he opened his mouth, he was hit by a wave of lethargy and all that came out was a slow and quiet exhale. Barely noticable to the human ear.

That was all he was capable of managing to defend himself. He was just too tired.

Tessa began to rub slow circles against his back as a comforting gesture. "Hey" she whispered soothingly. "Its gonna be ok. You'll be fine, we can get you help." Kit lifted his lead back up and turned towards Tessa to meet her eyes. " I thought shadowhunters weren't supposed to go to therapy?" Kit asked with a slight hint of hostility. Which he instantly regretted. Tessa remained unfazed and continued to smile at him sympathetically. "Yes well we aren't exactly a part of shadowhunter culture right now, and even if we were, nephilum attitudes towards therapy are something that needs to change as soon as possible." Kit nodded along, behaving almost as if he was in some sort of trance. Not fully processing what Tessa was saying. He could hear her continuing on with her reassurances, making plans and promises. He wanted to be happy someone cared enough to try and help him.

But he just couldn't feel it.

"I dont know" Kit deflected, turning his head away. " I just don't know if it'll help, I feel like nothing I do makes anything better".

Tessa was silent.

Sensing a pause in the conversation, Kit layed back down horizontally on top of the bed. Just talking alone seemed to take a lot out of him. He waited for Tessa to say something but there was only silence.

Silence, and then "you should talk to Will".

Now that defenetly got Kit's attention. He shot back up like a rocket and turned to face Tessa again. At first he thought maybe it was some attempt at humor but she looked deadly serious.

"Talk to Will? How?" Kit asked, furrowing his brow in confusion.

Tessa rolled her eyes fondly while still maintaining a small smile. "Kit, I know you can see ghosts. Every Herondale can. So that means you should also be able to see Will and I think he could help you. He has dealt with feelings like yours before. You could almost say that mental illness might be a bit of a Herondale family trait."

Before Kit could respond. Tessa was standing up. " I need to start thinking about what we're having for dinner later and I need to call Magnus. If you want to talk to either me or Jem, we will be in the living room. But I would reccomend taking my advice." Tessa finished, rolling back her shoulders and shaking out the kinks in her upper back and arms. She started towards the door.

"Wait." Kit called after her. Tessa paused to listen. Kit drew all the strength he had to conjure up a smile. "Thank you."

Tessa returned his smile, "Your welcome sweetheart." Then she turned and disappeared down the hallway.

Kit lay back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He had a feelings things still wouldn't be easy, but for the first time in awhile he was experiencing something besides the empty blackness. Something completely different.

Hope.

[sun-kissed-star]

Could u write albert/race (platonic or romantic) w adhd!race (btw i l o v e ur fics)

thank u love, just for you here’s a fic of me projecting on race, ft. an asshole date and albert being a sweetheart

trigger warning: ableist language

~~~~~~~

“Come to the park with me on my date, he said,” Albert muttered to himself, swatting a branch out of his face. “It’ll be fun, he said.”

In any given situation, Albert would rather stab out his left eyeball with a spork than be a third-wheel on a date. It made him anxious and turned him from calm and collected to a shy, awkward mess in a matter of seconds. 

Apparently, all those things went out the window when Race was involved. Albert guessed it was fair, anyway. Race had met a cute boy named Kevin at a party, been asked out on a date, and proceeded to beg Albert to come with him. He’d barely talked to the boy and he was “too young and pretty to be murdered on a first date.” (Race’s words, not Albert’s.)

Besides, it wasn’t really third-wheeling. Not when Albert was crouched in a tree, watching Kevin slip his hand into Race’s. It was technically called stalking. 

“You having fun?” Kevin said to Race. They were sitting on a bench directly under Albert’s tree, and frankly, he considered it a miracle Kevin hadn’t looked up yet. 

“Yeah,” Race said, grinning at their linked hands. His cheeks and ears were tinged pink. “I love this park. When I was seven, my mom, my biological one, took me and my best friend Albert here. I don’t live with her anymore, I doubt she remembers it, but I broke my arm. I don’t even remember how. I mean, that wasn’t the last time I was here, that’s the only time I’ve ever broken something. My brother says it’s a miracle I haven’t cracked my head open from all the idiot stuff I do. He shouldn’t be talking, right? He’s usually the reason I do stupid stuff. Me and him went to this park a few weeks ago. Oh, his name’s Jack, I’ve got two brothers and a sister, all adopted, our poor mom. Have you met him? He was at that party we met at, but he was probably passed out on the couch.”

Race took a breath and looked at Kevin expectantly. Albert had followed the entire conversation, more than used to Race when he started rambling, but Kevin didn’t have the same expertise. He looked like a deer in headlights, scrambling to find an endpoint to Race’s story. 

“Um… you’re a foster kid?” he finally settled on saying. “Or, um, you’re adopted?”

Albert didn’t approve. 

“Yeah,” Race said. “Adopted when I was eleven. Did I mention that? Shit, sorry, didn’t mean to unload on you.”

“Um, it’s okay, you didn’t,” Kevin said. “So… what happened with your brother?” Race raised an eyebrow, and Kevin elaborated. “A few weeks ago? When you were here with him?”“Oh!” Race said, and he launched back into his story like he’d never taken a pause. “So, we dragged a trampoline to the base of a tree, and he dared me to jump off a branch and land on the trampoline. We didn’t have a helmet so we just used a pillow. Honestly, that was one of the times where I thought I’d break somethin’ else, but it was just that one time when I was seven. I had a huge scratch on my leg for a couple weeks and I’ve got a scar, but it’s not that bad.”Kevin laughed awkwardly and tucked his hands under his thighs. It was then Albert noticed that Race had pulled their hands apart and was gesturing grandly with one. The other was resting on Kevin’s knee. Race was a tactile guy, and Albert was surprised the hand hadn’t made its way to Kevin’s face. 

“You talk a lot,” Kevin said. 

Race smiled. “Ain’t the first time someone’s told me that, trust me,” he said. “You should talk to my teachers. They’d probably go on tangents longer than mine about me. My math teacher doesn’t like me ‘cause I always get the answer right, but not the way I’m supposed to get it, which is fuckin’ unfa-”

“Let’s get ice cream,” Kevin cut in, standing up suddenly and grabbing Race’s sleeve to tug him up with him.

Race smiled sheepishly as his hand moved to grab Kevin’s again. Kevin stuffed his hands in his pockets pointedly. “Okay, cool. Sorry. Just let me know if I start rambling like that and I’m bein’ annoying. I’m kind of an idiot.”

“It’s fine,” Kevin said with a grin so fake it hurt to look at. The kid was getting a solid two out of ten on Albert’s scale of “People That Deserve To Hang Out With My Friends.”

“Hey, I don’t have my wallet with me,” Race said, patting his pockets. “But I can pay you back for the ice cream. It’d be the gentleman thing to do, right?” He winked, sidling up to Kevin’s side to lean on him, and Albert forced a laugh back down his throat. 

Kevin didn’t think it was funny. When Race’s elbow raised to rest on his shoulder, he moved away. “You didn’t bring your wallet?” he said, frowning. “But I didn’t bring mine. We agreed to get ice cream a couple days ago, when I asked you out, and you said you’d pay. Remember?”

Race’s face fell when Kevin stepped back. “Oh… oh,” he said, realization dawning over his face. “Fuckin’ shit. I’m sorry, Kevin,” he said, running a hand through his hair. Albert wanted to jump down and give him a hug, but that might have had something to do with the fact that his back was permanently cramped from hunching over in the tree for so long. 

Instead of forcing a smile and saying “It’s fine,” which Albert had been expecting, the frown didn’t waver on Kevin’s face. “What’s your problem, man?” he said. “Like, I don’t wanna be rude, but you’ve spent this entire time talking about yourself and you forgot about something we agreed on two days ago.”

“I… dude, I didn’t mean to,” Race tried. “Sorry if I’m being obnoxious. I have ADHD and I’ve been out of meds since last week. I forgot to tell my mom, but she’s picking them up today.”

If anything, Kevin’s scowl deepened, which just made the situation worse. Albert could read Race’s stiff shoulders and fleeting eyes like a book. “That’s not an excuse, dude. I get that you’ve got memory problems or whatever, but we’ve all got our issues. Can’t you just… I don’t know, try harder?” 

“I -”

“Forget it,” Kevin muttered. “I’m not really in the mood for ice cream, I think I’m just gonna go home. I’ll text you or something.” He clapped a hand on Race’s shoulder. “See you later, Tony.”

From the look on his face as he walked off, hands still stuffed deep in his pockets, Albert had a feeling he wouldn’t be texting. 

He waited until Kevin had completely disappeared around the corner. He’d pulled out his phone as soon as he left Race alone, thumps tapping wildly on the screen. Albert could only pray there wouldn’t be rumors about “the weird, freckled kid that never shuts up” at school on Monday. 

He jumped down from his tree, a lot less gracefully than he would’ve prefered. Race jumped a foot in the air and whipped around as Albert sweared loudly, clutching his foot. 

“Shit, I forgot you were up there,” Race said. His shoulders slumped, and he looked more like a kicked puppy than a dejected teenage boy. “Sorry you had to listen to all that. Like, me rambling and then gettin’ ditched by Kevin and whatever.”

“Shut up,” Albert said. Hearing himself out loud, he quickly backtracked, “I-I mean, you can talk as much as you want. I just don’t want you to… you’ve said sorry too much today, Racer. It’s not your fault.”He stared intently at the hole in the toe of his Converse as he was talking, and when he looked up, Race’s eyes were red. He wasn’t quite crying, but his voice cracked when he spoke.

“Yes it is.” It sounded like he’d tried to sound angry with himself, to snap out his words like a rubber band against raw skin, but he just sounded sad. “Don’t play dumb, Albie. Kevin’s right. I talked about myself too much, and I forgot about somethin’ so fuckin’ simple, and I chased him away. Did you see his face?” he demanded. “He looked at me like I was a fuckin’ alien from Area 51, and then he left.”

As much as Albert wanted to say “Good riddance to him, then,” he didn’t think it would be appreciated. He stepped forward, Race sunk his head into his shoulder.

“I’m such an idiot,” he said, words muffled in Albert’s shirt. “And I kind of wanted that ice cream, babe, not gonna lie.” 

Albert gripped the back of Race’s neck wordlessly, knowing the pressure was grounding and comforting from how often Race did it to him. “Lucky for you,” he mumbled in Race’s ear, “I always come prepared. C’mon, dude, my brother gave me twenty bucks and I’m spending all of it before I step foot in my house.”

Race smiled against his shoulder. “What would I do without you? Seriously, would I be dead? I think I’d be dead.”

“No, you just wouldn’t have stories to tell about breaking your arm with me to asshole dates.”

“He wasn’t an as-”

“Race. You told him you had ADHD, and he told you to try harder and get over it.”

“I should’ve told him before so he’d know how much work I can b-”“If I told someone I had autism and they told me to suck it up and stop whining, would you deck them or not?”

Race lifted his head, silently pursing his lips together. “Okay,” he admitted. “He was kind of an asshole.”

Albert nodded solemnly. “The asshole to end all assholes,” he said. He was just trying to make Race laugh and they both knew it, but in his defense, it was working. “C’mon,” he said, grabbing Race’s collar and ushering him towards the sidewalk. “Chocolate or vanilla?”“Both. Extra sprinkles.”

“Damn. You know I’m paying, right? Maybe you’re the asshole.”

Race laughed again, throwing his head back and an arm around Albert’s shoulders, and for the first time in an hour, all was right with Albert’s world. 

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[strechanadi]

Swan Lake Wolfgang/Siegfried overthinking no. I-refuse-to-count-how-many-times-this-stupid-ballet-and-this-even-more-stupid-characters-did-not-let-me-sleep!

Dear @spinmelikeyoumeanit ... this is yet again yours and yours fault only.

(And yes, once I start I physically cannot stop myself, which leads to... err. THIS!)

(I sincerely apologize. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Truly.)

Well, I promised, didn’t I? And it literally took me just about a lifetime! (On the other hand – academic life happened. Don’t do postgrad, kids, it’s just not worth it…) (Or maybe just dont try to write a dissertation in a MONTH! FFS!)

  One would think I would be over it. That after so many Swan Lakes nothing would have the ability to shake me. That after so many sleepless nights spent thinking over every little think here and there, I would know almost everything, therefore would be prepared for anything thrown at me. And yet here we are! Once again, blown away by Swan Lake of all ballets. I mean… could there be anything more cliché?

However, I already made peace with one thing (and you should probably too, saves lives and all that) and that’s the genius of Nureyev, of his Swan Lake and of the duality of Wolfgang/Rothbart.

As many of you remember, I’m sure (and slightly horrified), even recording of Nureyev’s SL is more than able to put me out of service, to prevent me from living what even the tiniest group of people would call a normal life. Or something. So, what the hell was I thinking when buying the ticket to see the ballet in question live, I have literally no idea. (Well. I have, actually. He may even have a name…) But yes, I did saw Swan Lake with POB live on stage. From the first fucking row, because that’s how extra I have to be. (Yes, my diet consists solely of bread and water since… seems like forever now.) I saw it, I died and that’s about it. However, my being dead is not something anyone would be particularly interested in, so let’s just move to the only thing you (the whole lot of exactly one person) are here for.

 I did write a review on said performance. And usually I’m trying to translate them (even though I’m not exactly sure why, because it causes me almost physical pain and at the end I feel endlessly stupid, since I have to search every second word in dictionary, which is slightly pathetic, also I love my Czech sentences too much and with my pitiful knowledge of English I simply cannot make them justice, so they look utterly weird in the end and they deserve better than that), however unlike with my first POB SL review 3 years back this time I’ve decided to just don’t give a shit and dive into the story head first consequences be damned, so I think with writing this thing here I would have everything important covered (i.e. no need for the actual review) (the first half was basically just me showing off my endless knowledge on SL music score, which is plain boring, let’s be real, plus I wrote all that in my first review).

/AN - This is actually longer than the review itself. I think I feel a little bit sick…/

So. Right. Swan Lake.

I’m not gonna pretend there’s anyone else in whom I am more interested than Siegfried. And it’s not just because Nureyev made him a main character of the story. It’s because it makes sense. Who is on stage from start to finish? Through whose eyes we are watching the whole story? We should be able to sympathize with Siegfried, we should be able to see his point, to understand him, to get what he’s doing and why – sort of at least. And that’s probably why I am so annoyed with traditional SLs where it mostly looks like the choreographers/dancers/ballet masters/whoever don’t even try and go with some bland hero, because whatever, we are all waiting for the 2nd act and the Swan anyway.

So, it’s clear I love Nureyev’s story with passion (you wouldn’t tell, would you!) and the moment the curtain raises I’m drawn to Siegfried no matter who’s the dancer. And, OK, if it’s Mathieu Ganio, I’m kind of helpless, I admit (it would be cute, I guess, were I not be way over 13 yo).

I will try to stay as reasonable as I could and not to embarrass myself. Too much. So I would not write about the stupid little things that nobody in their right mind would (or could!) notice (or at least not at the first sight), because, dear god, literally no one gives a damn about the way his fingers twitched during his Prologue‘s nightmare in perfect synchrony with the music and action on stage… Can I get to the point?! Preferably on this day!

  Normal person would be probably unable to talk about Siegfried without Odette/Odile. But I think we have already established I’m by no means a normal person. So, I am not able to talk about Siegfried without Wolfgang. (Yes, we are finally getting somewhere!)

I love their relationship in any shape and form and I would gladly watch every single cast and every possible combination of dancers in those two roles as I’m sure each time I would get something new (you cannot stop my brain, believe me, I tried). There was the oddly depending, blurred, yet intense José/Karl take. The terrifyingly creepy, what-the-fuck-happened-or-is-still-happening-behind-the-close-doors Mathieu/Francois one (that still makes my hair stand whenever I think about it, because… holy shit, that one moment between 1st and 2nd act!). The clueless puppy/slightly perverted, obsessed mastermind vibes from Germain/Francois. So what about Mathieu/Jérémy this time, hm?

  /AN – I’m gonna probably end up mixing dancers‘ names with their characters‘, so… Yeah. I have no excuses, it’s just going to happen anyway, no matter how hard I would try to prevent it./

  It was clear from the very first moment, Siegfried was much more mature this time, much more the young adult than barely 18yo adolescent. He looked reasonably confident, sure of himself, a true aristocrat, a crown prince ready to be a king (almost to the point where I was thinking – oh, where’s my lost, Asperger’s child? I want my lost, Asperger’s child! Spoiler alert – I got my lost, Asperger’s child eventually, do not worry. Just wait for it). However, watching him during the opening dance scene it was becoming more and more clear everything’s not so smooth as it may seem. He grew impatient, the whole situation slowly but surely becoming unbearable, and he was fighting against it with all he had, trying to stay calm, trying to play the role he was expecting to, his nervous, involuntary fingers tapping against his throne the only thing out of place. But there was always Wolfgang for him in those moments. Wolfgang, who was the constant, never-changing presence. Wolfgang, who could be standing on the other side of the room and the connection between him and his prince almost palpable, magnetic, electrifying. Always there. Always sure.

They look like best friends, no matter their different social status. Wolfgang casually showing Siegfried one girl or another (funny how he didn’t need to bring Siegfried’s attention to men, since he was happily watching them on his own accord), whispering something to his ear (A court rumour? An inside joke? A reassurance to keep Siegfried in his right mind?), hand casually on his shoulder. When they were walking together, Wolfgang was positively hugging Siegfried with his arm around prince’s shoulders. And then you saw him standing side stage, watching Siegfried being crowned, watching him dance, watching his inner struggle started by queen’s mention of marriage, watching him trying to act all casual and „oh, it’s nothing, I’m all right“ while knowing his autism and insecurities and all the good stuff is kicking, trying to break free and took over his mind and soul again. Because Siegfried may be more in charge now, but once autistic, always autistic… The mental issues were there. Waiting. As well as Wolfgang. Watching, waiting, calculating, manipulating without anybody knowing, using the Machiavellianism to the point.

And I wanted to scream, because hell, Siegfried, you look like a reasonable, mature human being. You are not the lost child with puppy eyes, you have to know something’s off! Tell me, what do you know! But then they were together and it was painfully clear he simply believed they were at the same page, he had no reason not to think so, they were in this together. Take the moment at the end of the „dance lesson.“ José himself leant towards Karl, believing him implicitly, automatically, without question and on top of that he actually looked him in the eye, and there was the brilliant moment where Karl looked away like – “oh no, stop, this is too much, that’s not right” and also “I’m not affected by this at all.” Francois just grabbed Mathieu’s arm and pulled. The gesture strong, harsh, leaving no doubts and literally no space between the two of them, because “oh no no, my prince, you have no personal space, no free will, I am the one who will tell you what to do, I am the one in charge, don’t forget that, I certainly not let you forget, ever.” With Mathieu and Jérémy the movement towards each other was mutual. Mathieu leaned back, Jérémy went slightly forward whispering into his ear.

However just a few seconds earlier, during the actual dance lesson, was a moment that couldn’t be more out of the realm of things OK even if it tried. I remember someone did something similar in one of the older videos I saw through the years of my healthy social life, I, however, do not remember it being quite like this time. I’m talking about the moment nearly at the end with Siegfried kneeling on the floor with Wolfgang walking around him. Some Wolfgangs simply put their hand on prince’s shoulder and squeeze, some let their hand stay there for a bit (too) long, some doesn’t touch Siegfried at all for one reason or another. And then came Jérémy. He did touch Mathieu’s shoulder. Let his hand there. Heavy, grounding. And then, slowly, intentionally, almost proprietary traced his chest from one collar bone to the other. Touching the bare skin. Not in some delicate, subtle, almost-not-there motion with fingertips barely touching. This was open. Possessive. Claiming. I inhaled so sharply people on the balcony must have heard it. I almost gave myself a brain concussion. Or got high on oxygen overdose. Or something. Being at home alone (or maybe even with my family around) I would be screaming myself hoarse and/or swearing profusely. But since I was sitting in a theatre with 2,5 thousands other people completely clueless of my inner battle, I had to… just keep breathing and acting cool. Not that I was particularly successful or anything.

How the 1st Act was going, it was more and more clear Siegfried depended on Wolfgang. And what was even more painful, it was his own decision. Surely, he was manipulated into it to some extent and at some point, but with this prince I believe if one asked him, he would say he believes Wolfgang. “Because he’s a friend. Because he’s helping. He’s good. Stop asking stupid questions, I’m not an idiot!” You had to admit this Wolfgang did a fucking good job without actually showing it (and showing off, looking at you, Francois). Because at the end of Act 1 all he had to do to stop Siegfried from following the running boys was turn his head. He didn’t step to stay in his way, he didn’t cross his arms or shake his head disapprovingly. He just stood there, then looked slightly over his shoulder and Siegfried stopped. Like that. And then, just before he was about to start his andante sostenuto variation (during which I most definitely died, because there was simply no other option, since this monster of a man, while doing his manege of jetés entrelacé, decided to turn the palm of his front arm up to make the landing pose in arabesque a cry, with his arm desperately reaching towards something, to fill every fucking detail of his movement with intention and meaning and who the hell asked this from you?! I can scarcely cope even while you are just dancing and feeling the music in ways that are too close to mine, could you please tell me, why you had to even do THIS to me?! Am I not dead enough?), he looked back at Wolfgang. Like if I could forget about their connection…!

But what was between the two of them exactly? I don’t have a clue. I know what I see in José/Karl interpretation. I know how I understand Mathieu/Francois relationship (because I am a bad person, my mind is poisoned and my brain is sick!). But Mathieu/Jérémy? There’s so much going on but I for the love of all that is holy cannot put a finger on it. (And that’s probably one of the reasons I almost went to the stage door to tell them I love them. I didn’t. I am an adult. I do not fangirl. I just go home and deal with all the feelings like the emotionally repressed person I am. I would make an excellent posh Englishman.) Let’s just say it was for the first time that Wolfgang was taller than Siegfried. Significantly taller. So whenever Siegfried wanted to looked him in the eyes, he had to look UP. And this stupid, tiny, little detail made me feel so many things, it’s not even funny anymore (which falsely indicated it WAS funny once, which most definitely was NOT). But just imagine the Siegfried/Wolfgang duet between act 1 and 2 with Siegfried coming to Wolfgang, to looking up to his eyes, and try not to see the vulnerability in it. Try not to see all the cards changing. Because it should have been Siegfried over Wolfgang because of their social status. During act one they were at the same level – because Siegfried wanted so. And now, suddenly, it was Wolfgang over Siegfried. And when he put the prince on the ground in the end, Siegfried looked yet again completely lost, devastated and abused… You just didn’t know how exactly this time. Or you did, but it was still just a wild guess, you couldn’t be completely, absolutely, 100% sure.

What was sure – Siegfried was broken. He took the offered crossbow as if not knowing what he is doing, as if not knowing it’s his hands that is holding it.  And then he stood up, turned and wanted to go to Wolfgang, because obviously. He made two steps, and Wolfgang was just standing there, centre stage, looking (not with the arms dismissively crossed as Francois, mind you) and Siegfried stopped, tripped over his feet, looked and promptly turned back. And there was something so unbelievably hurt in him. Because he knew what the crossbow means, figuratively. And that’s what hurt him most. Seeing Wolfgang with it. Seeing Wolfgang pushing him towards the edge, knowing he’s helpless, knowing that it would be him who would jump, he himself, nobody would actually push him, just bring him so near the edge, there would be no other choice. It was like an accusation. Because “I believed you. I trusted you. I thought we were friends. I thought you would help me. And you pushed me back towards my illness, pushed me into those dreams that we both know will be the end of me.” You could almost touch the moment, the last flicker of consciousness, the hurt creeping from the deep of Siegfried’s soul but it was too late already. It was late the moment he took the crossbow. And you were watching him losing the somewhat sane part of his mind, the part that knows, and falling to his dreams, to his forbidden world. Because giving the poor Asperger’s little prince a bit of schizophrenia is a way to go. Hello, this is me, nice to meet you.

Yes, partly this whole mess of a situation was the Queen’s fault. Her mentioning marriage and crowning and you know, the adult stuff, made Siegfried quiver in his so painfully hard-won stable mental state of sorts, that seemed more stable than in other SLs, but was still too fragile. But Wolfgang was the one who made it happened, who was the vital help, who was the final cause. Because who else could have been more successful? Who would have been better for such job? Who could have managed such thing if not him…?

 I’ll give you a break and am gonna talk about 3rd act for a bit. Because Mathieu Ganio’s Siegfried in act 3 is a fucking piece of art and someone give the man an award for it!

There was an achingly apparent difference between Act 1 Siegfried and Act 3 Siegfried. While during the 1st Act he was able to hold himself together to the point one would not tell he had any mental issues, in 3rd Act he was loosing his contact with reality from the start. And of course he was, with no Wolfgang behind his back whispering to his ear, keeping him in check, distracting him while things become too tedious and tiring, calming him by his mere presence. So his standing up and leaving the stage during character dances made so much sense. He refused the princesses with pleasure and right then he threw everything, his control, his mind, his consciousness out of window, and just jumped, leaving his illness in charge and Odile with Rothbart appeared. And if Odette and the lake was a dream, this was much more a fantasy. I’m going to repeat myself, but I stop when there would be more than one Siegfried like this in 3rd Act. Because this Siegfried was not dragged across stage by Odile, he was not simply following her with heart eyes, smiling and thinking rather stupidly she’s Odette, the pure, fragile girl from the lake even though she’s acting almost completely different. This Siegfried was confident, self-assured, constantly trying to convince Odile of his power and to prove himself. He grew impatient with her constant escaping, there was anger and sharpness in some of his movements. We all know the moment when Siegfried is standing behind Odile and she’s taking his arms to hug herself, right? So Mathieu Ganio leaned in and kissed. Her. On. The. Neck.

(I let that information sink.) (And while it would be sinking, I take a little walk to ease some of the tension and calm my inner voice that is screaming profanities, cause HOLYFUCKINGSHIT, can you imagine the dreamy, pure, innocent prince from previous act to do such thing?!)

I would also like to mention the black adagio. You know, the one where Siegfried is supposed to be fascinated by Odile who is seducing him? The one, during which this time was not quite clear if the prince was watching the enchanting black swan or Rothbart with the same intent, with the same intensity in his eyes and tension between the two of them…? Yeah.

(Also – Jérémy before his Rothbart variation, sitting on Siegfried’s throne like it belongs to him. Good grief!)

The end of act 3 wasn’t as much of a mad scene as it was in 2016. However Siegfried fell down on the floor completely unceremoniously, lying on his back and while the curtain opened and we were in the 4th Act he lied there in the exact same position and it looked almost like he’s in his bed. Like he completely lost it during the ball (and lost it he did) and was escorted to his chambers, put to his bed and now his poor, tortured mind sent him yet again to the woods, to the lake side.

Odette in act 2 was a complete figment of Siegfried’s imagination, appearing suddenly from nowhere, made from thin air, sharing Siegfried’s pain and deep grief. (Yes, even in act 2, because this time there were no heartfelt love confessions, no big romance, no sunny smiles and promises of happily ever after. But there was a bond. Strong and deeply felt.) In 4th Act she was resigned. She knew she’s about to die and there’s nothing she could do about it. Because Odette is Siegfried. In this performance and interpretation more than ever. She was his innocence that was somehow betrayed and violated by the act 3 fantasy. She was his integral part, she was his childhood, she was his hope, she was the last piece of his sanity, she was him. And Siegfried came to her guiltily, ashamed of himself, afraid to look herself in the eyes and see what became of him. Because he was dying. And he knew it.

And then Rothbart appeared and took Odette from Siegfried. Took his hope, his mind, his soul - like the mental illnesses, Siegfried’s ultimate bane and his final doom. And then came the last moment. When Siegfried turned around and there, in the middle of the mists stood someone. With arm held forward, palm up as in an invitation. And then… magnificent, ethereal Wolfgang spread his arms wide. Opened them for his prince, to let him jump into. And Siegfried run and jumped with his last breath and last desperate cry of arched back to the arms of death. That is nor evil, nor kind. That simply is.

And it makes you wonder – what if this was in the end the best option for Siegfried after all? What if Wolfgang was doing what he was doing having his prince’s good in mind? Was it something he himself believed in? That he was helping? Or was it just something he would say, if anybody asked? And was he ever even real?

 Hello. This is Nureyev’s Swan Lake for you. Causes many questions. Answers none. Gives you bunch of other instead.

  Please, do feel free to tell me I should find a professional help.

[edge-lorde]

Relic and Relic II: Resurrection

by Jonathan Brookes

relic and its sequel (could be a part of a series?) are sci-fi books set in modern times where the american military, with aid from a contracted private company, have decided to start a program to clone neanderthals with the eventual goal to use them as soldiers. information leaks, military personnel gone rouge, and civilian meddling cause this plan to go awry.

but why do this thing in the first place? a few reasons. 1: the military assumes neanderthals won’t have human rights. theyll be able to completely control their ‘Thal population (yes they do use the term “’Thal”) and everything they do, including when they die, without violating human rights under the Geneva convention. 2: theyed be able to eventually replace all modern human soldiers with ‘Thal clones that would have no families back home and thus save “human” lives and prevent human suffering. 3: they could, through multiple generations, breed 'Thals to be the perfect soldiers, which they cant do with modern humans cause of human rights.  

believeability: 8.5. i think the authors reasons as to why the military would be interested in making a soldier class of clones they could have complete control of is sound. however, some of the finer points arent that believable, like that a pathologist at a morgue knows how to determine if DNA is neanderthal or not. 

idk because both books make jokes about how “this sounds like a crazy sci-fi plot!” but if your reading a sci-fi book you’re expecting that. its ok for the premise of a sci-fi story to be crazy as long as the science is explored, which i think it is. there are actual 'Thals in these books, though one of them has no lines and then dies and the other is a literal newborn baby who does little besides sleep. a baby who sleeps and eats? unbelievable! 

ive read a lot of neanderthal books now, and they come in 2 main flavors; prehistoric and sci-fi. the former speaks for itself. the latter usually has a plot where people are reacting to getting a hold of a live neanderthal, be that through cloning, time travel, or just discovering they never went extinct. relic definitely falls into that sphere, no doubt about it, what makes it unique is that it doesnt really explore those themes at all. the ‘Thal who dies? DNA saved for cloning and then cremated. no explanation as to how he even exists, he was just a college professor with no family ties or close friends who just *happens* to have enough neanderthal DNA to effect his appearance and has ‘Thal mitochondrial DNA. they just took samples of a few things and cremated him with out a second thought, zero calls to look into anything about him or save the body. the baby? treated as an asset to a company by both the “bad” military guys and the “good” civilians. the people with her best interest at heart wanted her to be raised as a normal child and essentially forgotten about by science, which i dont think ive ever seen before in this sub-genre. 

i actually think this makes the ‘Thals MORE believable, in a way... 

characterization: 9. like i said above, the neanderthals dont actually do much in the story, but when they are doing something its pretty human like. the baby does baby things. the college professor had autism, which has been proposed by real scientists to have some sort of neanderthal connection before, but is still up in the air as far as i can tell.

one of the civilian characters thinks that the reason ‘Thals would be better soldiers is that the military wouldn't have to feed them, they could just eat the enemies they were assigned to kill and generally terrorize the countryside. but he is the only character to bring that up so i dont think its reflective of the actual thal canon in this story. the baby isnt eating solid food yet though, so the jurys still out. at one point the military people decide the 'Thals will probably make better scientists than soldiers too. 

hybrids: 1.5. it acknowledges we interbred at some point so that counts for something. im going to count the college professor as a hybrid, and i guess the baby counts too. shes not an exact clone of a neanderthal specimen, shes got the profs mtDNA and test results said she was a 95% match for neanderthal DNA, so maybe theres some other stuff in that last 5%. 

interspecies sex: 1. in the broad sense, since we interbred. other than that, nothing. the prof didnt even have a girlfriend. 

accuracy: 7. this story is nothing if not researched, though still written by a layperson. most tidbits of information about 'Thals come from some published article. like the profs description, and the babys got red hair-- not accurate that all ‘Thals would have had red hair, mind you, but perhaps she is the clone of the specimen that is thought to have had red hair? passable. what is not passable is that the baby is said to look like a mixture of Asian and Caucasian, which, idk how your supposed to discern on a newborn in the first place, and second buys into a concept of race that would not have existed at the time neanderthals were around. shes also got blue eyes, which we currently dont think neanderthals had because our blue eye mutation happened after they went extinct, but it could be that the color will change as she grows, or 'Thals had their own blue eye mutation we dont know about yet. and there was something about the baby having pigmented sclera, though when it said her eyes were blue that didnt come up again so maybe the author dropped that. 

the baby was born a month premature but full size and healthy, could be an insinuation that neanderthal pregnancies were shorter, which i dont know if thats substantiated or not. she also needs to eat more than a normal baby and needs more protein and fat in her formula, but that one at least seems plausible. could be a glimpse of more voracious tendencies to come though, as the cannibal theory comes from danny vendramini’s body of work, no i wont link it. i dont think the author was going that way though. 

a lot of the actual science is glossed over too. like theres this one scene where a guy is trying to show a doctor how he knows the baby is a neanderthal and the book is like “he brought up some charts and talked seriously, then he brought up some other charts and compared the two.” 

OH and there was that whole deal with mitochondrial DNA. apparently the reason it was so important to get some from the prof is that mtDNA is harder to extract than nuclear DNA (i dont think thats true) and if you try to clone a neanderthal and give it modern human mtDNA it will age rapidly and die because the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell and modern human mtDNA doesnt tell the ‘Thal mitochondria to make enough energy. thats gotta be bullshit if i ever heard it. 

kind of hope the author writes another relic book. the second book was vastly better written than the first, so i can only hope the authors growth is exponential, and the second one ended on kind of a weird note. 

[should-be-sleeping]

youre autisic correct? (i dont remember who i follow that is sorry if im wrong) my little brother is autistic and im trying to teach him how to be nicer. his school friends have taught him how to hit people and cuss and spit at people, i want to help him understand why thats not nice, he thinks its funny. thank you so much for the help!!

I am, yes. This is cumbersome to answer because I’m not sure what your brother is like. I don’t know his age and autism varies a lot from person to person, like some are verbal and some aren’t. Some have sensory issues, some don’t. Some are easily influenced, others are not. Some you see a lot of ehcolalia, others practically none. Some are in special classes or schools and some are mainstreamed. The variables are numerous.For example as a child I had a severe aversion to touching other people at all, so I never went through a phase where I might hit someone else because the idea of touching them was repulsive.But, I’ll try to offer some advice/insight both as an autistic person, the parent of an autistic person, and a person who has dealt with a great number of young children both autistic and not in general. It’s a little long, so I threw it under a cut.(Read more…)

To start, I would say to try explaining it whether he’s verbal or not and if you need to, break it down into simpler cues. Like the PECS icon or ASL sign for “stop” if receptive ID is something he’s still working on area great tools. A hard “stop” and then shutting down the scenario will convey that it’s not acceptable behavior over time. It can be tricky when harmful behaviors crop up in kids in general because they are too young to understand why they shouldn’t be mean (like emotional cause and effect isn’t really a thing until much older) and if the child is more expressive than receptive it can be even harder to help them find alternative means for whatever they are actually trying to express. Rarely are harmful behaviors actually wilful acts of defiance.Giving them the power to remove themselves from situations entirely as needed is what generally helps the most as many “negative” stims and echolalia are triggered by overstimulation or stress. So teaching a kid to recognize when things are getting to be too much and letting the kid say, “All done,” or “Break time,” and remove themselves to another room away from everything else can prevent a lot of these behaviors in general. When they feel trapped in a situation or area, they are more likely to express harmful behaviors in trying to cope with it.For example, if given the choice between spitting on a peer or going and using the computer or tablet for 15 minutes in a quiet place, I’m willing to bet they’ll choose the later. Positive reinforcement works better with kids overall. If you respond to their hitting someone by hitting them, you’re only showing them that it’s okay for people to hit people. You know? A better method is just, “Why hit someone when you could be doing this totally cool thing instead? Here, let’s play this game you LOVE or have this snack that is your favorite (or whatever).” Aim to try to offer the alternative before violence is actually carried out so that it doesn’t seem like a reward. Like the instant a peer interaction starts to go south, offer the alternative.What I also see a lot is autistic kids playing out “skits” of things they saw at school as a form of echolalia. So they do things like hit people or spit on them and maybe even repeat a phrase in association with that act repetitively because they saw someone else doing it and it just becomes A Thing for a while. My son, who is autistic too, often echolalia’s his teacher’s reprimanding other students (we hear a lot of, “Max, no! Chloe no climbing! Jojo, shoes on!” etc.) Sometimes your response to this is the “amusing” part as you are raising your voice or behaving “new and differently” for reasons they don’t understand yet. At times the best way to break a habit is to pretend it isn’t happening until they move on to the next one. I know that is harder when the habit that’s been formed is potentially harming someone but patience is really the key. If you have to react, keep it simple to limit how interesting your reaction seems. Around here a disinterested, “Mn, no thank you.” tends to work way better than any sort of overt frustration which is found very interesting more often than it’s curbed any behaviors.You can try working on zones of regulation (color coded moods, basically, to make them easier to recognize) as a way for them to learn their own boundaries and those of others, but you will have to be consistent. If your brother has a speech therapist or OT, you can talk to them about ideas that they can reinforce as well. Getting “same” input from multiple sources is really helpful in forming and reinforcing positive coping mechanisms.I hope any of this has helped at all. Feel free to send me additional details if you’d like more specific advice. But ultimately it’ll be patience and persistence that’ll help you both the most. You can also pull the kids aside that are teaching him these things, intentionally or not, and explain to them the damage they are causing. They may not care, but if you threaten to tell their moms/dads, you may find they suddenly care a whole lot more.

[bloojayoolie]

Af, Anime, and Apparently: , Okay Ibl, story ame when I wss younger, had this Irish friend who pred our school when w as like 17, Dude ded recently nd here丐the ballad of the merveeus bsstard be average as fuck 17 year old Bribong Some foreign guy has just joined, his family just moved here city called Dery in Mgved here with his dad and his lite sister, his mum died when he was younger He gets put in my class and ends up stting nest to me This is howl met Eigh-Beers Mgee the all him Call him a hippo because of his fucking industrial size frant teeth and his big flucking lps Greg uses his adism to get out of doing and saying whatever the fuck he wants noing EB wth she lke Greg has his desk very paricularly arranged, pens on one side in a straight ine pencis on the other Dude is OCD as fuck with his pencilcase and shit Goes nuts i anything gets moved, so this desk is sightly apart from everyone elses We all get in shit twe fuck with him an purpose, We ought to know better The sutistic hippo keeps trying to get a reaction out of EB the whole class All af a sudden EB just casualy raises a foot and pushes the Hppo's desk right the fuck over Teacher hurries oer and trying to explan to EB atma Gregs autism while Greg teaks the tack G in his chair, breathing reawy ss thoug gh nong bd sheer辍tstie resentment EB looks at Greg and betsthe teacher "Oh sorry, wedant have Wid bump with more nenhinbeland' h on EB's third day at our school He's a pretty cool guyikes the 쑈me vidya and movies as me and is a big fan of Rugby, was captan of his team back iieland ell hem the school has s rughy searn he says EB goes to check it out, starts off on the lower team because hes think theyire ston of kind of fast runners gets recks fucking everyone that next hal f hel take him Jumps on him, grabs him by the neck to pull him down and iterally rolls on him ike a fucking rolling pn -EB didniteven have the bal What the fook you playin at son I didnt even have the ball, do you even know how to fookin play the game lad EB grins You know over in Ireland you have to be fit to play sports, the fatties get leit on the sideline EB grabs his amn and tosses him to the ground dude twists his anke or something and starts twitching and squeaking lke a baby elephant with parkinsons EB gets put on top team Anonymous (D wHTHOgC) 03 19/14(Wedj20 28 25 UTC-5 No 538041137 Reple 41T months without inc dont give long as youre cool to him dents aside from a few close cals with Greg the Mildly Autistic Hppo e pretty close Apparently ㅲ Ireland they don't have gangs they have paramitanes fighting between whether Northern lreland ts Britsh or hsh >He plays 4down a kal, bd ican tell some shit mu have Pagpened because he always changes the subject when gets clos·tohame Edgy fapgot Luke comes back to school Luke hangs around with a pack of riggers who are all apparenty in a gang, he les to pretend he's part of this "gang" and carries this fucking Stanky e around that he panted red and bue for some reason aOne day at lunch Like corries up to EBied o ofnotere starts askrig his datisalcoholc Nope aound Tm guessin your mam had a far lew belore you were born though mate Well tuck Ind wanna sift speI had to sht out a dat bastardlke yourset. Jog on ン"You win t)4ck with the wrong person t y inst, boy?" EB starts laughing, IHeraly loses his sht at the ste of this Itle fagpot in a trenchc oat with a stanley knfe and actualy presses EB grabs his wrist, takes the fabled blade from the hands of the chosen one tosses t over a fence and punches him straight in the face We're out geting beer, Tm with a 7/10 GT that Ive had a crush on for tucking months Her and EB get along realy wel, athough I sort of think she only hung out with us because EB did That right when we're all drunk, me and QT end up fucking Leaving out my side because this is the ballad of Eght Beer, not me Spend ages taking with QT,estabǐshthat shè apparenty seat, ikes me back EB heads up to bed, I stay down with the other guys to watch TV, QT was askeep when 1 came down QT comes running do wwith a towel round her, soaking wet, and rung out the ont door Apparently EB sleeps naked, not surpnised since Ive found him naked before after a night of drinking Says she came on to himeven ater all he shit she said aLaugh숨 and says he took aprt to bed with hm,awas cn e tablo and when she ed onwth him he lossed all over her Threw her clothes out the wendow into the rain and told her to go and fetch Two weeks later he takes me to a pub and hooks me up with a 910 Anonymous (TDwHT HOC) 03/1914(Wed 20.43 59 UTC-5 No 538044014 Raps.4380408044772 332420 EB and me are total bros after being fnends for a few years 가%aving hm as a best friend is Ike havngtose nasty trainers as a kid Shit get pretty he avy >Him and E汨were close, mostly because EB would buy him vidya and act super interested in the anime sht he lied because nobody else other than me would loses his har chermo aGotovst him, EBisgung me there >He thinks rs awesome get our photo taken together witout any har EB lets him draw all kinds of dumb sh on his bad head, lets him draw a dumb moustache on him o Spend ages just dicking a >Son of a bitch luke who R is, Dukey the Rookie is across the bar in the same tucking trenchcoat he wore back at school >EB says hi chats away to him lbe nothing ever happened >We head home and EB spend the night sitting up with me playing Batlefront on my old P52 and drinking, just trying to cheer me up me every time Sorry for that 2sad4me post, but iti make sense later Anonymous (IO woitth%) 05/19/14(Wed)20 52 46 UTC-5 No 530045357 Reeses 씌38amsrme esaaa Lving together in a let with some chick and her boyfriend The one song I remember is "Uncle Tommy by The Rumjacks, because it played when sht went down EB told them that he "ain't lookin any trouble lads, have a beer and forget that tripe for the night aye? 4 of them jump on him, start beating the shit out of him -l tackle one of them to try help him, get the fuck beaten out of me but fuck that it's goddamn E8 in there EB broke the dudes fucking am He gets up, bleeding out of every pore in his beaunful iwish body Bouncing around with his fists up, Ieraly looks ike he could fly around the room he's bouncing that much The skinheads keep going for him but back off every time aher he swings, it looks lke he could knock a building down with that sh Babbling some incoherent shit in lrish rage, nobody understands the words but everyone understands the meaning pack up there sht ike a scene from a fucking move Eight tucking beersl You splied eight of me fucking beers you hairless tuckin mongrels Eight beers lad, eight fucking beers What's the fucking craic there lke Anonymous (D: wHTiHOgC) 031914(Wed]21:6 02 UTC-5 No. 538047326 EB sgoing back to Ireland to vist his nan, she's real sick 기we lar dr, Befast-thritrs the captal of the oth but not of Ireland ckhow t wori ed EB never eaty expla edit, 5ad you wont understand the bullsh politics unless you grew up there go 1o vist his nan with EB' Sweetest tucking old lady ever, says that EB was always a rough lad but awk he'd never hurt a sour greedy fucker This woman is clearly the most infuenial famly member in the Eight Beer famly EE shows me round Derry, tels me about how 5pIt relgusy and shows methes bg ass wall cood place Takes me to Belast agan and shows methe pace wherethe ttanc was bu -we end up going to place caled The Crown Bar Ger pretty drunk, or Tpped as EB calls it Walked around Belfast for a bt, he tells me about the history of some stuf »Spend a few nights there, have a fucking blast but decide to head home don't wanna be an inrusion on the whole nan stustion Lad you're practicaly a part of the famly Anonymous D wH7HOQC) 03/19/14Wd21 18 48 UTC-5 No 538040230 Getting close to the end now Shits hard to wrte, I miss hat fucker Life is prety uneventful for a wle pparentty some Kiddy Fiddler called Wilm Whight fucked EB when totally agan family home a load of sht, fucks 2EB spends all nut there next to her, nearly gets wolent when staff ask harto leave so doctors can sort some 닸官out calm him down and we wat r, hosptzd for brig bme B's Sister gets beter, but is pretty fucked for life Never taks never leaves the house she's pretty much a goddarmn vegetable EB spends all of his time off work with her, never comes out anymore, just sts in with her. We sometimes come ound and drink with him but he refuses to leave the house -One night while he's sieeping, EB's fucked up sister C's faul, that's pretty much the main subject of t. I don't get why she'd need to say that but whabever Tels me he waan't that close with his family back home his dad is fucked up with grief and everythings just a mess ie doesn't want to go home because he has nothng there other than remnders, but doesn't want to stay here because of what has pened Does his best to be the usual bi9dck coolguy that he always was, puts on a brave face but f you c h him on his own he's luckn9 merable ite gets in 갠 few fights when we're ot dmkrg ry one who gnestmamy 5hvt gets m edistety fucking amidated none ofths ads everyone on" that he used to do s fighting back tears already guessed, but he starts teling me about how he blames himseffor what 거had pened to his sis have tucking known better >Lterally carrot change his mid anthis shit, looks like he has himse#1uly convinced th this is his taut we talk about old imes laugh a be things actualy seem back to normal for whie Ainight mabe. Let's have one for old tme's sake, ae? Hie eventualily leaves, but before he goes he tells me that 'You've been a good mate from day one mate. Honestly out on a limb rd do fuckin' anything for ya Take t easy lad speti ong tme EB doesn't reply to teats or Cutign place doeant answer B tucking hung himsel is fanly tatoo many things that I don't need thanked every tme fucker