#something something podcasts are personal something

[hope-for-the-planet]

Trans person in the US. Bust some of the doomerism for me? Tell me it's going to be okay?

Hi Anon

Usually, I have boundaries for myself about keeping this blog focused on environment-related issues, because there are limits to what I can speak knowledgeably about. But now doesn’t feel like the time for that.

Anon, I will tell you that I live in the US, I am queer, my spouse is trans, and we have two young children. I am sitting right there with you in the fear and grief and every day when I ask myself “is there still hope” I find reasons to say “yes”.

They want us—all of us, not just queer folks—to feel overwhelmed and hopeless, because despair is a tool that keeps people from realizing their power and taking action.

They want us to feel so afraid that we lose our faith in other people and withdraw from our communities, because we are easier to conquer alone.

Do not give them what they want.

Hope is most necessary in the bad times. The ability to imagine a future that is better than things are now is exactly what gives us the power to begin making things better. Our community has been through terrible things before, and they did not lose hope or give up—otherwise we would not be where we are today.

When you start to feel like all the light is being blotted out, turn off the news, put away your phone, and go get in touch with something you love. Go outside and look at the sky, talk to a friend, listen to music, do some small thing to make something better even if it’s just cleaning your kitchen or picking up some litter around the block or returning an extra stranded cart in the grocery store parking lot. Remind your brain that you have agency to make positive change in the world through your actions.

I know it is really hard to pull out of the darkness sometimes. I know there will be days that hope seems like a foolish, naive thing, that despair and distrust seem like the only rational options. But hope is what keeps us alive. Hope is what allows us to save each other.

I wish I could give you a specific article or other source to reassure you that everything is going to be ok, but things are still too in flux day by day. I can tell you that people are already fighting back, in big and little ways, all over this country and the world. These orders and bills are being pushed by a loud but small minority—this is not how the majority of the country feels about trans rights.

Make a plan for staying safe. Reach out to your community. Find music, activities, podcasts, movies, whatever helps you feel uplifted and take mental breaks from dwelling on the news. If you can, find ways to get involved in making things better in whatever big or small way feels doable for you--it may help push back on the doomerism more than you think. And my inbox is open if you need to talk.

I wish I could invite you over for dinner. I wish I could look into your eyes and tell you that things may get hard for the next few years but that does not mean that your life can't still be full of joy and beauty and fulfillment in spite of that.

I’m right there with you. Let’s make it through this together <3

[moonsnqil]

aftg au where neil/nathaniel died in baltimore and andrew knows he's dead, he didnt stop fighting until he had autopsy reports and a closed casket in front of him. andrew knows he died that night but a week later, a week spent rotting and shoving everyone away, he sees neil. blue eyes clear as water, his hair still glows in the sun, when andrew reaches out he knows none of this is real. neil josten is dead, matt has an empty dorm and someone is already adding nathaniel wesninski to a true crime podcast. he knows none of this is real but it's easier to accept a hallucination than it is to accept that he failed, that another person has been snatched away from him. so andrew goes to practice and sometimes he misses balls because neil is on the court aiming left but aaron shot right. he goes to edens and can feel neil's weight behind him as he carries the drink tray back to their table. he watches nicky play games on the xbox and he hears all of neil's commentary. when he's alone, he talks to neil. andrew had always been great at being silent but never with neil. and he knows none of this is real but it's easier to confide in neil now that he's so intimately familiar with his absence. they trade truths and secrets and neil tells him about oklahoma and andrew knows they never talked about oklahoma and he's just remembering a conversation he heard on disney channel when he was eleven. he lights two cigarettes and sees neil smoke it but doesn't dwell on how quickly the flame dies out. he only mentions it once, to bee. when he says "i keep seeing neil" and bee says she understands, people leave traces of themselves all around us, he never brings it up again. it's not like she's wrong on that front either. neil's locker still has an unwashed jersey inside, the phone charger he never used is still shoved somewhere underneath the passenger seat of the maserati, all the clothes andrew bought him are still in a drawer. matt doesn't spend a lot of time in his room anymore. when andrew says "i hate you" and he truly means it, neil says "i know" and his cheeks dimple. andrew knows this isn't normal, nothing about this is okay, his mental stability is a far cry from being good but he thinks maybe having neil beside him, haunting him like this, is better than a reality where andrew is alone. so they follow each other around like ducklings and wymack looks at him like he's a ticking time bomb because in no world does neil josten die and andrew simply moves on. andrew's nightmares have shifted from being seven and begging to watching neil fight for life on a grimy basement floor but it's okay because when he wakes up he gets to hold neils hand and it's a little cold but the divots between his knuckles feel the same as before so he can blame it on the weather. andrew watches neil's banner go up next to seth's on the court and andrew almost wants to laugh because seth is dead but neil is right here, neil is talking about being court, but no that's not right either. neil is dead, andrew knows this. but then how could neil be dead when he's still buying andrew ice cream and pushing all his buttons? they sit a little too close to the edge of the roof nowadays and neil tells him that they could fall but they might not die because it's only four stories so really it's no guarantee. neil tells andrew he has to be careful because what about aaron, what about kevin, his deals and his promises. he keeps his promises, it's what he's good at. he's pretty sure kevin knows something is wrong but is trying to pretend like it's not. they're the same in that regard, really. andrew knows neil is dead, abby's files label him as deceased, but he thinks he likes being haunted. if it means neil is still there, still planning a future and running his mouth, andrew thinks he could convince himself baltimore never happened. maybe neil was never something tangible to begin with.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

I've been seeing your post about the podcast on Octavia Butler going around and I've been wondering, why do you think people only seem to react that way too problematic relationships? I've heard an English major, book reviewer say that they should've made the girl of legal age if they wanted to write about her stepfather attempting to prey on her because it's "gross" and also acted like it was an oversight. Another one, thought a book that is famously about a predator and the author is a victim of predation and the book is marketed about predation, romanticized predation and abuse and described it as an attempt at writing romance and failing? I don't know, I've just never seen anyone get that way about murder. Anyway, hi sex witch! 🧙‍♀️

I think there are like. complex and innumerable reasons for this, but re: the murder comparisons I think for many people it's worryingly easy to imagine that someone might actually act on or want to act on #problematic sexual behaviors depicted in fiction. like, the amount of murder that most people are doing IRL is absolutely zero, so I think it's kind of easy for most folks to sequester that away in a little fantasy bubble where someone who enjoys reading about murder is as likely to actually be partaking in that interest as someone who enjoys reading about riding dragons or traveling through space. whereas, statistically, most people have sex at some point, or at least could be having sex, so it feels like a much more reasonable concern to assume that their fictional tastes might be directly reflected in their actual behavior.

which is tied to another huge issue here, which is that I think a lot of people just... never learn to engage in a healthy manner with things that yuck them out or make them uncomfortable? so they get in a headspace where it's impossible to imagine that anyone willingly engages with fiction that they don't personally 100% condone. which extends to critiques of authors like you're mentioning, where some readers can't seem to ken that there's an intention and artistry to showing something vile beyond that depiction either being the author's personal fetish or their attempt to be an edgelord. a booktuber who I otherwise like quite a lot once downgraded their review of Akwaeke Emezi's novel The Death of Vivek Oji because it features a queer sexual relationship between cousins and the reviewer found the inclusion of incest to be unnecessary, which seems to be rather missing the point of a novel that's entirely about a family being drowned by its own secrets.

and also idk many people, especially my fellow USAmericans who have a bad tendency of skewing very prudish whether they recognize it or not, are just very very very scared of any sex that falls outside of Gayle Rubin's charmed circle

and will kind of immediately start getting nervous when exposed to it without ever once interrogating why. I absolutely guarantee you someone is going to sent me an angry anon about at least one aspect of this circle asking why I'm trying to justify it, which is going to illustrate the point very nicely.

[maniculum]

@learningftw, @goldengirlschildhood: It's certainly not supposed to be possible, which is why I was speculating that Google Drive might have made some changes in how sharing permissions work. (And, in fact, I did ask about it in some more tech-oriented corners of the internet, only to get very similar "I don't think that's possible" responses.) Nevertheless, this is the situation:

We also just last week got a request on the podcast Google Drive folder for editing access to one of our files from a email address neither of us recognized, which was a similar "how did you even know this was here in order to request access" moment. (That was in a shared folder, but it's not like Zoe and I are handing out the link to it; we only share individual files within it with guests and stuff.)

Since I haven't seen this before, and I'm seeing it now on both my work account and my personal account, I'm assuming something about Google Drive has changed that makes it unsuitable to store anything you don't want randos browsing through.

One of my students just requested edit access for my Google doc syllabus. Bestie, that's not happening.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

From Glee Violette, published yesterday January 30, 2025.

So here is what is happening.

It's not Trump.

He is looking so miserable because he is being forced to do WORK, and he hates doing WORK. Hopefully, at some point he either balks, or he runs out of steam at the pace he is being forced to keep. The way he is looking lately, that may be sooner rather than later. Hopefully.

All these reams of Executive Orders he is signing? He did not write a single one of them.

Some were written since the election, of things Trump promised at his rallies. But most of them were written over the past 4 years. They were written by Stephen Miller, AKA Wormtongue, his former and once again speechwriter and adviser.

They were written by Russell Vought, who is going through Senate confirmation hearings for the OMB, which put out that order stopping all federal grants, loans and disbursements Monday.

They were written by ALL the writers of the Project2025 playbook, the agenda Trump pretended he had nothing to do with.

How many writers? Project2025 is made up of over 100 conservative organizations! THAT is why there are so many Executive Orders waiting to be signed. Trump is probably having to ice his arm every night.

What is the overall agenda? To totally tear down our government. Totally. The good with the bad. Seriously.

Rachel Maddow showed video of JD Vance praising a mentor of his, Curtis Yarvin, on a far-right talk podcast, and that mentor not only advocates the complete destruction of the governement, closing down every department and firing every single person, but then building a new corporate style organization instead, with a CEO, not a president, at the top.

No three branches of government, just ONE. A corporation, to run America like a business. And he said that the other name for a CEO is a "dictator", and that is what America needs. Curtis Yarvin said emphatically that we must "get over" our fear of the word DICTATOR.

JD VANCE told podcaster Jack Murphy, "So step one in the process is to totally replace — like rip out like a tumor — the current American leadership class, and then reinstall some sense of American political religion."

Jack Murphy responded in the video, "How do we rip out this leadership class? What options do we have besides voting them out?"

"This is a tough question, but this is maybe the question that confronts us right now. There's this guy Curtis Yarvin who's written about some of these things," said Vance.

And Jack Murphy grinned and nodded in agreement. That is what they plan, folks. Corporations are businesses. They were there to make money. They are not there to take care of their workers, or the customers, or the environment, or public safety, and ESPECIALLY they are not there to hand out help to people who NEED help from disasters, or illnesses, or old age.

That is why they are starting by trying to eliminate oversight, and stop all funding of EVERYTHING. And now, gettng rid of EVERYBODY.

Trump signed a new order last night for EVERY WORKER IN OUR GOVERNMENT. In EVERY department. He is offering EVERY SINGLE WORKER, every department manager, every civil servant, every scientist, every inspector, every accountant, every researcher, every secretary - EVERYBODY - a termination package. They will get a nice payoff and perks if they agree to quit their job.

But they only have ONE WEEK to decide.

Otherwise, the threat is that they could be terminated at any time with no nice goodbye package at all.

And the threat is also there that they could be transfered from the job they know and are invested in, to doing something totally ridiculous and hateful. Trump said out loud he may send the new IRS hires to deal with immigrants at the Border instead. In fact, he may send ANY entire department to a far-off location, uprooting and disrupting their family, as he did when he sent all the FDA scientists to a midwest location, during his first administration. Half of them quit.

The INTENTION of Project 2025 is to TOTALLY dismantle our government. And to rebuild it as a stripped down corporation, with workers only loyal to THEM.

What happens to US? We have been here before, folks. I remember the days when there were no protections for people. You worked, paid for your own food, shelter and medical bills or you died. Old people. Disabled people. Unmarried women. Children.

If you got unjustly fired, too bad. If you could not get a job because you were too old, or just got out of the hospital, or out of prison, or out of rehab, or were a disabled veteran, or disabled, period, or had kids at home, or might become pregnant, or were ANY minority that a business owner hated, too bad.

If your house burned down, if you got cancer, if you had an accident, too bad.

When I was a young adult, hospitals refused to treat people without money or insurance, even in emergencies. They died outside the door, on the sidewalk. If they ran out of money, they were pushed out the door in a hospital gown to die on the sidewalk. THIS HAPPENED. Every day.

We are returning to a MERIT based system? No more bad old DEI? People will be hired for what they are qualified to do based on their education, accomplishments, skills and experience? BULLSH!T.

Once again, hiring will be done BASED ON THE CODE OF THE OLD BOYS CLUB.

WHAT QUALIFICATIONS does Robert F Kennedy Jr have? Education? Harvard and then Law School. He does not have one single medical degree. And he is on record for himself saying he was a heroin addict from high school all the way through college. He dealt cocaine from his dorm room at Harvard. He got arrested.

THIS IS ALL ON RECORD.

Experience? He knows NOTHING about medicine. Nor does he know anything about managing a business. He is a lone wolf who has traded on the Kennedy name and his famly fortune to get attention, be a celebrity, and GET MONEY.

His cousin Caroline Kennedy, JFK's daughter, just wrote a letter to the Senate reminding them of all this, not they they were unaware of ANY of this in the first place.

HE VACCINATED HIS OWN CHILDREN, while discouraging other parents NOT to vaccinate their children, for MONEY. To fundraise for donations. To rake in their cash and do NOTHING in return but book celebrity appearances to make speeches full of lies.

Caroline Kennedy called him a predator, who used his charisma to talk his younger brothers and cousins into buying the drugs he was selling, and getting them addicted. His younger brother died of a drug overdose.

She talked of unspeakable acts of animal cruelty involving his pet reptiles. He did right it in front of people, to show off. He thought it was funny. He would put live baby chicks with mice into the blender and turn it on in front of his children. Like he thought his prank with the dead bear cub and eating a dog were funny.

So he is not even being considered for Cabinet Head of the entire Department of Health because he is a stand-up guy with integrity and CHARACTER.

He is being hired for his NAME. Not HIS name, his father and his uncle's name.

He is being hired because of a Quid Pro Quo arrangement. He quit the presidential race in exchange for running the only part of the government he REALLY wanted.

MERIT? Merit does not count at all. What counts is that he is all in on the vision of Project2025. To destroy the Health Department and eliminate it.

What counts is his stone-cold desire for money and power in the new Corporate American Dictatorship.

What counts is his ethnic bona-fides, his BIRTHRIGHT into the Old Boys Club.

This is happening in real time, folks.

Donald J Trump is just the figurehead in all this.

He is the cult leader who can do no wrong in the eyes of his followers. He can get away with ramming hundreds of Executive Orders, most of them illegal and unConstitutional through, like a machine gun, at our entire country.

While half the country - people too blinded by hero worship to see this affects them too - cheer and fistpump. While WE are shocked into inaction. And while our politicians DUCK, and try to figure out the best way to hang on to their careers and their power and their money. And maybe their lives.

Donald Trump removed the protection details from leaders of his last administration who turned against him - or who HE now views as an "enemy". He released 1,500 former rogue militia members and their leaders back onto the streets. He pardoned religious activists who harrassed and assaulted patients at women's clinics.

The message is as clear now as it was on January 6th, 2021.

Violence is OK. Don't worry about the law. Trump doesn't obey any. As long as you are loyal to Trump, you don't have to obey the law either. Wink-wink.

From now on, the LAW is only what Donald J Trump SAYS it is.

So what happens if Trump is no longer President?

JD Vance steps right in, and pushes the Project 2025 agenda through with a vengeance, of course.

But here is the thing. JD does not hold the blind devotion of the cult members. They do not idolize him. In fact, they are at best lukewarm towards him. He will not be able to manipulate them as Trump does, or even pull their wool over their eyes about what he is doing, and what the adverse consequences will be for them.

Because of this, JD does not have the leverage over the politicians in Congress or the Supreme Court Justices that Trump has.

Trump MUST be stopped. By the courts, or by impeachment - but it must happen. He must be removed from office ASAP.

Or, as he is so fond of saying, "We won't have a country anymore."

[From Glee Violette, published yesterday January 30, 2025.]

[transmascpalamedessextus]

gideon the ninth characters and their 2025 jobs

harrow: the hardest one on this list tbh. nun’s too simple, religious studies scholar isn’t insane enough. chef is too funny, as is orthopedic surgeon. we’ll go with historic preservationist, specializing in religious architecture and artifacts.

gideon: barista employee of the month, every month, at an inclusive crossfit gym. moonlights at a bar down the street some nights and is known for making sure everyone gets home safe, no matter how many asses she has to kick to the curb (literally)

palamedes: PhD and research consultant with multiple published works (research under his real name, fiction under a pseudonym). what’s the phd in? yes.

camilla: that one friend who can do anything and has done everything. certified meditation instructor? check. semi-professional martial artist? check. volunteer park ranger? check. often credited in palamedes’ works, but you didn’t even know she had a degree. throws mugs and vases in her spare time but vows to never open an etsy store

ianthe: evil woman in STEM (you pick her crime) or chain-smoking actress with a scandalous reputation and horrible interviewing manner but unmistakable talent

naberius: instagram model who is literally always filming sponsored content for a new boutique european hotel or “experience”

corona: so torn on this. either a fellow instagram model that 50% of her audience thinks is fake and 50% thinks is “actually really sweet!” or like a famous marine biologist working to save the turtles or something

jeannemary: young record-breaking olympian/pro athlete. it’s not fencing or martial arts — it’s skateboarding

isaac: internet star with a rising pop punk music career, a la noahfinnce. jeannemary did a viral drop-in to one of his songs

abigail: every gay student’s favorite history (or maybe archaeology?) professor at a world-renowned college

magnus: owner and operator of a charming pub in the quaint town where said world-renowned college is. it’s overpriced but the atmosphere and food are genuinely great

“dulcinea”: chronic illness content creator (later revealed to be grifter)

dulcinea: content creator, artist (painter), and sometimes streamer. candid and humorous about her illness, but refuses to be inspiration porn

“protesilaus”: male podcaster, incel edition

protesilaus: beloved personal trainer who privately trains for american ninja warrior on the side

silas: idk, the cuntiest bitch at the monastery? do we still have monks? can someone be a combo of trust fund baby and monk?

colum: successful practitioner of an age-old craft like blacksmithing. always taking commissions but prefers to help at historic reenactments or even ren faires. exclusively makes historically accurate pieces

judith: cop

marta: cop wait she helped harrow in the bubble so i have to be nice hard-but-fair-and-well-respected fencing instructor at a private school. she might as well be a monk for how little everyone knows about her personal life, but suspicion is rife and all the baby lesbians hope she’s got a wife (bars)

bonus: teacher: cult leader is too easy so we’ll go with “local guy who runs a shop selling crystals he bought from china at a 500% markup. he pretends they’re sustainably/ethically/lovingly sourced and guaranteed to cure your depression/anxiety/adhd but you both know he’s full of it”

[centrally-unplanned]

While Kelsey is definitely overreaching on that tweet (it is just a small chapter in the story) it is imo very forgivable because she was actually very personally involved in the saga (as her tweets here explained) - she worked at Triplebyte (a developer hiring/matching platform) when this was going on, after he was fired Damore tried to list his profile on the site to find new work, and there was a huge fight internally where a ton of people wanted to ban him from the platform and she became the champion opposing it, essentially weaponizing her gender since that side of the fight needed a female spokesperson. I believe she eventually won and got the CEO (who talked about this in a podcast, why this tweet exists) to back her side and let him on the platform, though ofc no one hired him. And this whole story was part of why the CEO left the industry for a bit, he burned out on the culture war.

So for her this was a Very Big Deal in her life and for her personal friends, you can see how someone would analytically overcorrect on something like that.

(I have the notes for a whole James Damore post to write in response to this, maybe I should dust that off)

So I'm not going to say that Grimes and Aella have proven themselves to have more moral integrity and insight than theunitofcaring but it's more competitive than I was expecting.

[agirlwithglam]

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hi vanilla, it's mindy here. you're a favorite mutual of mine, and inspiration, and i just HAD to get your personal advice. i love your advice so much and it's just so helpful!

i wanted to know what one uncommon self-improvement tip is you wished more people knew about? i feel like nowadays a lot of the same advice is spread around, especially when it comes to self-improvement. so, is there any tips/advice that you personally would give out, and wished more people talked about?

thank you @agirlwithglam !! you're always an inspiration to me. all love from mindy <3

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AHHH stop thankyou so much mindy!! thats so so so sweet, i love YOUR advice girl!! thankyou 100x for that sweet msg, love ya sm!! ps. i love this question!!

as for an uncommon self-improvement tip that i don't see being said often, its the idea of future nostalgia!

future nostalgia

i heard this concept only once in a podcast episode with unjaded jade & tam kaur and i am not lying at all when i say that it truly changed the way i percieve my life right now. let me explain....

have you ever felt nostalgia for the past? you probably have. maybe you miss the days when you're a little kid and you got to have fun running around and playing, or maybe you've moved out from living with ur parents and you miss your family? thats nostalgia, yes? even if you didn't like the situation in that moment, you still miss it now and you may feel like you should've appreciated it more.

so future nostalgia is the idea that imagine you're in the future, feeling nostalgic for this very moment/ situation. maybe in the future you're world famous and you miss the days when everything was just quiet and nobody knew you, you'd feel nostalgic for the moment right now.

so pretend you actually got the chance, the opportunity to go back to this moment right now. how would you feel? personally, i'd appreciate this moment so much more and feel a lot happier knowing that this is something i could be nostalgic about in the future. i'd feel so lucky that i had the opportunity to relive this beautiful moment.

thankyou again for the sweet messege and your question @glowettee !! i hope this helped in any way 💓

xoxo, vanilla

[deans-baby-momma]

Chapter 5

Summary: When Jensen admits to going home with someone else, will his and Y/N's marriage survive?

Warnings: Angst, heartbreak, smut, language

Y/N rushes out of the bistro, feeling as though she is going to puke. After hearing Athena's side of the story, and knowing the timeline Cliff had given her, it was absolutely possible that her husband was lying after all!

She drives home through the tears blurring her vision and sliding down her face. She can't believe that he would do something like that to her - to them.

But drunk Jensen, or Nesnej, as Jared Jokingly refers to him as when he's drunk, could. And it sounds like Nesnej was in control.

Y/N stumbles into the house and kicks off her shoes before throwing her purse through the room.

“Ugh!” she screams as the sobs come harder. “Lying piece of fucking shit!”

She throws herself on the sofa and lets the sobs take over her.

It is coming up on dusk when Y/N finally pulls herself together enough to get up. The sound of her phone ringing makes her look at the contents of her purse across the floor.

She can see from her spot that it's her husband calling. She lets it ring through to voicemail.

Jensen hangs up his phone and slips it back in his pocket. It wasn't like Y/N to not answer his calls, but maybe she's just busy, he thinks to himself.

He steps out of his trailer, locking the door before heading to join Cliff and Jared and heads home for the weekend.

Cliff drops Jared off first before heading to the house Jensen shares with Y/N. The ride is quiet, except for the podcast that Cliff Is listening to.

“Thanks man,” Jensen speaks up from the backseat of the SUV. “For having my back with Y/N.”

Cliff grunts. “I just told her what I knew.”

“I appreciate it,” the actor replies. “It could've been a lot worse if you hadn't covered for me.”

Cliff hums in response before he goes back to listening to the radio.

Once they pull into the driveway, Jensen becomes worried seeing the house dark, no lights on inside but Y/N's car parked right in front.

“See ya Monday,” Jensen says, exiting the backseat.

Walking inside, the first thing he does is turn the lamp on. He surveys the chaos in confusion. Y/N's purse is on the ground with its contents spilling out across the floor.

He sees her phone laying face down on the floor and picks it up to see the screen shattered, the picture of the both of them fractured into sections.

Jensen begins to worry that maybe they'd been broken into and the burglar had taken her for a ransom.

He looks around for more clues as he hastens forward to the kitchen. There he finds cabinets and drawers open, much like someone had been going through their personal space, looking for something. But what?

He hears a noise coming from the back of the house and he turns slowly, silently heading to the pantry to retrieve the aluminum baseball bat he left there.

Once the weapon is in his grip, he tightens his hold as he proceeds toward the sound.

The closer he gets to their shared bedroom, the better he can make out what he's hearing.

Y/N's crying. He stops and sets the bat down, going to enter the room but when he turns the knob, he is stopped. It's locked.

“Baby? Are you okay?”

“Go away?” She yells but it's muffled.

“What's wrong? Y/N?” Jensen inquires as he put his ear to the door but the barrier is pulled away as she flings it open.

Standing there, her eyes red and puffy with her face full of dried tear tracks and new ones falling breaks his heart.

“You lied!” she spat. “You told me you didn't fuck her but there's a baby in her. An Ackles baby!”

“Baby, I told you. I didn't fu- Y/N I thought you believed me? Jared and Cliff even backed me up.”

“Or they lied for you! You probably gave them all the juicy details about fucking a young girl and then asked them to cover for you.”

Jensen stood there in shock. He thought they had gotten through this, that Y/N believed him and was on his side.

“There was no juicy det-” he begins and then pauses with a sigh. “-How many times do I have to tell you that you're the only one for me? What brought this on?” He asked gently, trying to calm her down.

“I saw her today. Athena. She and a group of her friends came into Sylvie's. She was bragging about it. And had some very accurate descriptions for someone who had supposedly never been with you.”

“Y/N, I swear.” Jensen said, pleading. “I've only been with you.”

“Somehow, I don't believe you’” Y/N cries before turning back to the bed, where her suitcase lays open, half packed. “I'm going to Candy's for a few days. I can't be around you right now.”

Jensen seethes as he stands in the doorway. “Fine! You don't believe that I didn't fuck her? You want to think I'd throw all of this away for a cheap piece of ass? Go ahead. I am done trying to prove to you that I've been loyal since we began dating.”

He storms down the hallway and out the backdoor where he flops down on one of the Adirondack chairs overlooking the natural landscape of the territory.

He reaches into the waterproof chest and pulls out the pack of cigarettes and lighter he had stored in there.

Jensen only ever partakes of this habit when he's either really drunk -like really drunk- or when he's wound up.

He inhales and slowly blows the puff of smoke through his lips. He sits there trying to contemplate how to get through to Y/N.

His wife, his biggest supporter and best friend; the person who is supposed to have his back and stand by him is in doubt about him.

He leans back and looks up at the darkening Vancouver sky as he wishes he could go back and change everything about that night.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Whatever she said had all three of them turning to look my way.

Preview for next chapter: Walking toward her, I could tell when she realized I was heading her way. Her eyes widened and she turned to her friends, a big smile on her face.

"Hi. I'm Jensen.”

“I know who you are,” she told me, suddenly confident. “I have been a fan for years. I actually have a Radio Company album at home. Was hoping to get a signed copy but wasn't one of the lucky ones.”

“Well that just won't do,” I said to her with a smile. “Do you live far from here?”

“Close enough.”

Tagging: @spnbaby-67 @sea040561 @delightfullykrispypeach @larajadeschmidt13 @atc74 @vicariouslythruspn @squirrelnotsam   @ironreviewangel @blacktithe7 @hoboal87 @mogaruke @supraveng @lyarr24 @kazsrm67 @chriszgirl92 @deanwithscissors @raisinggray @fanfic-n-tabulous @hobby27 @stoneyggirl2 @purpleeclipseeggsland @kmc1989 @leigh70 @nancymcl @muhahaha303 @justwhisperingfantasies @jackles010378 @monkey-d-hoshizora98 @deanna45 @ozwriterchick @mandee73 @spnaquakindgdom @impala67rollingthroughtown @generalmoonpolice @1313diana @roseblue373 @palerogue1 @deansimpalababy @queen-cs

[sleepy-spaceman]

Something about Jacobi’s clone in “time to kill” really messes me up. Because, like, after you listen to the episode where you find out that Lovelace isn’t the original Lovelace, we also find out that the clones don’t actually know that they aren’t the original person. The Jacobi clone was completely convinced that he was the original, so when the others left him outside, his last thought was probably that his friends had just made the worst possible mistake they could have made in that situation, that they had left him, the real Jacobi, to die and now they’re all in danger because there is something else that isn’t him on the ship with them. He died thinking that theres this thing that’s taking his place. This is the worse case scenario and there was nothing he could do about it. On the other hand, the real Jacobi, (assuming that the real Jacobi was the one inside the ship the whole time), had to listen to himself die. And i bet that after he finds out about how Lovelace is an alien, he thinks to himself, what if he isn’t the real Jacobi, that the real Jacobi died when they left him outside, and that he is the alien and just doesn’t know it. Because how could he know that? Lovelace didn’t, and he would never have any solid proof that he doesn’t know either. I bet it drives him a bit crazy, if he constantly has that thought going through his head.

I dont know. I think about this quite often.

[bluebirdlester]

some of the potential in this

its like the phan twt videos. we can (in a filtered nonthreatening way) let them in on our goofs and japes that extend beyond a single post easy to show in a video. i wish this post was real rn so we could broadcast WT MD IF to all of phanniedom and find who did this

you know how we love their react videos cause its such a wonderful parasocial watching videos with my besties feel. dnp react to phannies react. we can do more layers

segment called "what is the weirdest place you have watched a dan and phil video"

all the little indirect ways they have impacted us that we wouldnt necessarily comment. both heartwarming and cringe. my first ever boy haircut where i brought in a pinof screenshot and got a Karen. the specific mutual follows ive carried across MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS AND PLATFORMS from when i was first in the phandom TEN YEARS AGO. the domino chain that led to me getting an award in high school for the best student from all the teachers in the english department based, humiliatingly, on the phanfic i didnt even bother to change names before submitting for assignments and at least one passionate essay defense of rpf.

get specific! about the themes and concepts of this current era!

i do think it would be kinda funny to watch someone squirm as dnp grill them like "how many words of phanfic DID you write". questions like that: not specific enough to be weird but pointed enough to tell them exactly what kind of parasocial demon theyre speaking to today

i'm generally fascinated by how attention online can feel like a single sentient creature. anyone who's ever been dogpiled knows this, for one example. when you're facing a wall of Commentary on something you've done, it's impossible to pull out just one person without really making a specific effort to do that. it's just the wall of opinions, and the Vibe of that wall. maybe it could be interesting to pull individual voices out of a crowd, this monolith that is "phannies" and the stereotypes that have grown up around us and examine them closer.

something about now that we're old, we understand them better. it's something, to be 24 and look at 2012 dan and be like oh. you're 21. that explains literally everything. when i was 12 back then, i could not have possibly gotten it but think i get it better now.

the playing field is more equal than its ever been, possibly? not fully equal & never will be obv but one would hope all of the following: we are more grown up/emotionally mature/willing to listen when they express boundaries, they are more stable careerwise and less scared of us leaving or turning on them or w/e (based on some comments in the suit podcast) and also they are no longer closeted

this is a persistent theme/unresolved trauma for me personally but i would wanna talk to them about what it was like to be the point of obsession for specifically an audience of overwhelmingly teen girls (at their peak. many of us are no longer girls etc), when "anything that teen girls like" is such a societally derided category. i got a lot of weird misogyny directed at me for talking about how much i loved watching dan and phil. how did they experience that? i think they must have in some ways, because misogyny and homophobia are so deeply entwined.

oogh this turned into projection city fast but feel free to add your own. what would you do if you were interviewed by dnp

i think the next step in the dnp mutual parasocial relationship journey should be them interviewing US

[critter-wizard]

you are all I have, you are the eyes that see, the air that breathes, how can I worship anything else?

[jumpedthenfell-13]

Thinking about Robin not having many friends before everything and ouughhhhhhh

Do you guys think she ever like. left without telling the group because she thought they wouldn’t notice or would be happier without her there. Do you think she almost started crying the first time Steve got her a gift because nobody ever knew her like he does now

Because. I do

[hyydraworks]

My interpretation of the Galewind Moose from MTG Bloomburrow.

[purplegori]

malevolent is wild because the two main characters are literally Everything all at once. they're a queerplatonic relationship. they're romantically married. they've been thrice divorced. they're constantly learning about each other. they barely know each other at all. they argue every fucking minute. they have an undying loyalty to each other. like i'm SAYING man it just never ends

[gobstoppr]

Tetris Fanart.

I've been playing tetris while listening to horror podcasts. and yeah