#something something different aspects of this relationship terrifies them both

[rainbow-wolf120]

PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR TWISTED RND LORE PELAAASSPELLEALLEASPLEASEPELASE😭🙏

*rubs hands together* okay asker… if you insist 😈

Twisted RnD! Teased their relationship in my previous post and now I’m gonna go more into their relationship / dynamics!!

Kinda a yap fest under cut:

Going for the doodle above, Razzle is the one that takes control as a Twisted (the ribbon vines, etc), but that also takes up a bunch of energy on his end. So, he sleeps. A lot (He probably did as a Toon as well). He's asleep 95% of the time before being woken up.

This leads Dazzle to "keep watch." She's still conscious, unknowingly to Razzle, and tries her absolute best to keep her and Razzle in check. Asleep or awake.

She doesn't like guard duty, but what do you do? Say no to a clearly unstable individual who's apart of you?

Dazzle does take advantage of the situation. It gives her the ability to "warn" other Toon's about Razzle.

You see, Razzle is sensitive to vibrations in the circle while he's asleep. Even if Dazzle doesn't wake Razzle when a Toon walks in their area, he certainly can feel them if they run.

After a few casualties, Dazzle picks up on it and manages to communicate (somehow) this information to the Toons on the floor, so they don't die.

But it's not all gloom, self-isolation, and masking (hah).

Dazzle's mindset is the same as Glisten when it comes to consciousness, though on different levels.

Glisten yearns for company; Dazzle yearns for freedom.

Something they can both find in each other.

Glisten find company from finding someone to talk to. He's tried talking to the other Twisteds before, but it's nice to have someone who actively acknowledging that they're listening.

The two can't speak coherently of course, but Dazzle can nod, and that's all Glisten needs.

Dazzle's only sense of freedom is going against Razzle. It's found in both her warning Toons and talking with Glisten. Though it's more of the latter.

Why does she find talking with the mirror rebellion? Cause Razzle is hella overprotective.

It's not just their space, but her as well. Razzle thinks that he knows best for both him and Dazzle, which is why he shuts her down so often.

It's not out of malice, just an overamplified sibling bond. I think turning Twisted enhances and exaggerates a certain trait, and this one being Razzle's care for Dazzle. (Think of DDLC iykyk)

Dazzle clearly dislikes when Razzle brutally kills a Toon in front of her, but he doesn't listen. Dazzle's just scared and wasn't thinking straight. He's here for her. He's the only one that understands her.

Going back to the vine vibration murder aspect of Razzle, he's not doing this for himself, but for Dazzle (or so he claims).

He wants what's best for her and what makes her more comfortable. He wants her to be happy, and if that means killing anyone who disturbs their (his) sleep, then so be it.

Razzle is unaware that Dazzle is conscious, all he knows is that she's terrified, and will do anything to comfort her in their dark times.

He knows her better than she knows herself after all.

-------------------

That was my yap fest, so crazy sauce. I have normal thoughts about these two and am sick of people thinking Dazzle's the batshit insane one like come on guys

I finally finished this months old doodle page today. I apologize for the wait lmao.

I hope people eat this up as much as they did with Dazzle, but my long posts don't get that much attention </3

Thank you for the ask, and have an awesome sauce day !!

[peace-hunter]

Are there certain Primes that Optimus see more as a parental/mentor figure?

haunted au

mmhhh not parental per say, but some do take on more caretaking roles than others.

Prima especially takes to fussing over OP like a duck to water. he's a bit of a mother-hen by nature, but as the rest of his siblings are much closer to his age there was a limit to how much nagging they would take from him. but OP being so, so, so much younger than all of them and also very emotionally vulnerable when they met him activated Prima's caretaking instincts like a sleeper agent.

and OP appreciates this a little more than he thought he would. had it been at any other point of his life he probably would've resented the coddling but they met at a moment where OP needed that support. and Prima's enthusiasm for it made him feel a lot less guilty for leaning on him than he does with almost everyone else.

Alpha Trion doesn't fuss over OP nearly as much as Prima does, but he does have a soft spot for him that's a bit different than the rest of his siblings. and OP never completely gets rid of the awe he felt at meeting Alpha Trion back in that cave. so they're both closer to each other because of that experience, while having a degree of separation between them that doesn't exist with the rest of the Primes, which makes their relationship a little bit less sibling-ish than with everyone else.

then there's Zeta. i think he and OP have the most mentor/apprentice relationship out of all them, not because Zeta loves him any less but because he's so desperate to keep him alive that it manifests as him being kinda strict and a bit harsh towards Optimus. to be clear he's not cruel or cold with him! not at all! he's just the one that pushes OP the most towards bettering himself in every aspect possible, because he's terrified any slip up will lead to his death, just like it did with the rest of his siblings. which is perhaps not very fair of him but it comes from a place of genuine love and care.

and OP takes everything Zeta says to heart, be it guidance, criticism or praise. he wants to measure up to the legacy Zeta left behind as the first Matrix holder and is constantly worried he won't be worthy of the responsibility he was given, so he's always eager to learn more from him. it takes them quite a bit to reach a place where OP feels confident enough in himself to push against Zeta's input without feeling like he's about to irremediably fuck up.

but to be fair all the Primes are mentor figures to OP! every single one of them has something different to teach him (as much as it pains him to admit it when Liege is being a glitch) so they all fill in that spot in his life at some point of another.

here's another post that goes more in depth about all thirteen of them lol

[henley-reeves]

"Wild Blue Yonder" is such a phenomenal episode and it instantly became one of the best DW episodes for a simple reason that it combines all the best aspects of Doctor Who AND it is a combination of genres AND it is entirely character driven and atmospheric.

This episode is everything - comedy, drama, horror, mystery, psychological thriller and sci-fi adventure.

It relies entirely on atmospherics and character dynamic.

They really put two brilliant actors and let them shine and give everything they got in so many different genres.

There were silly comedic moments

Heart-wrenching dramatic moments

Terrifying and bone-chilling moments

But the true testament to the acting talent of David Tennant and Catherine Tate was that the episode had only 2 actors in it and 4 characters. But it truly felt like there were 4 different people in the episode. And the task was not easy. These were Doctor and Donna but not quite Doctor and Donna. Like Donna said "The Devil's in the details". It was all in the voice, the stare, the posture, the mannerisms that made these creatures of nightmares so terrifying, because they had the essence of the Doctor and Donna but had it so horribly distorted and twisted and not right at the same time!

And the fact that David and Catherine delivered such a nuanced performance that captured these details so flawlessly deserves all the awards!

The episode is driven by themes and motifs - fear of being known, fear of the unknown and unexplained, fear of being misunderstood, abandoned, not good enough, fear of someone you love not understanding or truly knowing you. The plot also provides individual character development and exploration of relationship between the Doctor and Donna who have not seen each other in years, who are so close and yet were separated by time and space for ages and have changed so much during that time, that neither of them is the same but desperately want to be seen the same way as they used to be by each other. It is also nostalgia and desire for things to be exactly like they used to be.

What can be scarier than monsters who have no physical form or visual manifestation, who steal your personality and bear your face but distort them in the most horrific ways both literally and figuratively? What is scarier than something that has a conscience but can not be seen or touched or categorized? What is scarier than something that can exploit your fears and insecurities and turn them against you?

"Wild Blue Yonder" creates an atmosphere that immerses you in that world which is both a confined space but also the endless dark nothingness, makes you scared, sad, makes you laugh, makes you cry, makes you think how the fictitious horrors of this episode are driven almost entirely by the very human fears of the unknown and being known at the same time. "Wild Blue Yonder" is a masterpiece of acting and storytelling and that's what makes this episode stand out as such a brilliant story! Doctor Who can be silly AND deep at the same time, and when it happens, it is absolutely fantastic!

[caustic--soda]

// wbk 168

Nirei and Sugishita’s newfound friendship was an unexpected development, but dear god does it mean everything to me. I used to loosely speculate on how their relationship would be like if they were on better terms before this arc, but Nii Sensei blows me away with their amazing writing and subverted expectations as always.

The fact that they were able to communicate so well in this chapter just… means a lot to me, given how Sugishita never really bothered with anyone unless it involved Umemiya, or with Nirei initially being terrified of him. It really goes to show how Nirei’s confidence had developed, and Sugishita slowly becoming more open-minded.

Nirei’s excited note-taking is so freaking cute.

With how un-communicative Sugishita is, it amazes me that he hasn’t duked it out with Sakura yet in order to figure out his feelings. Since this philosophy is something that originated from Umemiya’s feelings, I’d like to believe this showcases Sugishita slowly breaking from his Ume-tunnel vision and gradually letting other people into his world by listening to Nirei’s words. or Sugishita was never fully aware about fist = conversation thing and I’m just being delusional

I also very much like how Nirei straightforwardly communicates with those who are confused about their own feelings. Aside from addressing Sugishita’s jealousy, he also consistently tells Sakura to rely on others; a sentiment that Sakura isn’t quite accustomed to.

It’s also Nirei who makes Sakura and Sugishita come to very stark realizations (that may seem obvious to other chars/the audience, but not the chars themselves) during pivotal character development moments.

I love him so fucking much I’m so normal about Nirei Akihiko guys

Back to the terrified part, I love how they’re both equally freaked out by each other; you can even see Sugishita sweating in these panels LOL

Speaking of which, it’s great how Nirei directly addresses the (massive) elephant in the room; despite how wildly different the two are, Nirei and Sugishita are quite similar in some aspects (which is a recurring theme between character duos in WBK). It’s directly stated that both boys joined Furin because their savior was a part of it + them wanting to protect it, but there is one unsaid aspect; both of their character developments and will to change stem from Sakura, whether it be supporting or beating him in their own ways.

And look at Nirei’s smile at the end of Chapter 167. It’s so precious. I want Sugishita to smile at Nirei too (and more in general)

[tossawary]

I'm back to frequently thinking about a Transformers AU for SVSSS, because I love trying to fuse the worldbuilding (working across several different continuities of TF, admittedly) into something recognizable to both worlds that's also new. I also love pulling on the elements these worlds have in common: immortal beings, endless conflicts, switching bodies, cores of power, building yourself up to become a higher being, oppressive systems controlling entire worlds, people (characters) who were constructed and are discarded for specific purposes (profit and sometimes just entertainment) and are not always viewed as real people, the creator god might be just some guy over there, and so on.

For this AU, my story outline currently sticks to Cybertron and its surrounding space. I don't have any characters whom I want to make human, I have very specific backgrounds in mind for everyone already, and I have a plotline that doesn't require Earth or humans in any way. Though, for fun, I was absentmindedly fiddling with the idea of taking the characters of a different MXTX story (MDZS or TGCF) and making them into the humans of this AU.

I feel like Wei Wuxian would be one of those human characters who is basically already climbing into the seat before a transformer can finish introducing themselves as a giant space robot; oh, he is DOWN for whatever the fuck this is. However, if I was writing Wei Wuxian as a human in a TF AU, I don't know which SVSSS character I would pair him with as his "partner", as I personally would be far more interested in writing a story in which Lan Wangji and/or Wen Ning (both?) are Cybertronians. (Yes, obviously, Wei Wuxian would be a robotfucker for LWJ.) I'm leaning more towards Wen Ning, because there's the "I rebuilt this guy and turned him into an abomination who acts kind of in service to me" aspect, and also it's funny to imagine human Lan Wangji having to put up with his boyfriend's alien car being a part of the relationship.

With TGCF, making the characters into the humans of a TF AU for SVSSS feels like a reversal. Xie Lian's narrative everything arguably makes him an even better Cybertronian than any other MXTX character. The fall from being, say, a Prime and the Bearer of the Matrix to apparently being some poorly-maintained bot that spends its time picking up trash on Earth in the aftermath of some Cybertronian war? Delicious. Hua Cheng was some half-broken, half-starving, outlier freak, MTO discard saved by the new Prime EIGHT MILLION YEARS AND SEVERAL WARS AGO, and has never gotten over it and never will. And a lot of the other TGCF characters also match very nicely to TF worldbuilding: mmm, my brain likes chewing on the image of beautiful and terrifying, near-immortal robots falling from the "heavens". It's even easy to source internal TGCF characters as the humans if you need human characters, so there's no real need to make it into a crossover with MDZS or SVSSS.

So, ultimately, this TF AU for SVSSS is not going to be a crossover. I don't want it to be. But I did enjoy thinking about TF AUs for MDZS and TGCF as well, where the worldbuilding or character arcs fit nicely together, so I wanted to share that here.

[marvelgirlatheart]

not an angel: act three (Elijah “Smoke” Moore x Black!Reader)

a/n: hey… hey… how y’all doing? I know I said that this act would come last weekend but after a bit of self care, I needed a moment and now, it’s here! I’m happy with this because not only does it deal with more personal issues with the Reader, something separate from the romance aspect, it is also the longest act compared to the other two. I’m happy with it and I hope you guys will be, too.

Now, for the WARNINGS😱. As I state all the time, this is a BLACK!READER fic. But if you are comfortable reading this with that information, then feel free. There are also mentions of cancer and there is fainting in this act, so just a heads up on that. And finally, there is no use of Y/N in this act or the mini-series. So, feel free to use your imagination😘

Again, thank you to everyone who has stuck this long for this act. I appreciate all the likes, reposts, and comments. With that out of the way, please be sure to sit back and enjoy a good fic.

not an angel (act iii: power in the blood)

word count: 7.3k

premise: war has come to america and her great bell has sounded for the Moore twins.

taglist: @heyyimmisunderstood, @jackierose902109, @rye-flower, @bitternsweet, @he4rts444mi, @rolemodelshit, @christinabae

the taglist is open!

⚠️HAVEN’T READ ACT ONE? CLICK HERE! HAVEN’T READ ACT TWO? CLICK HERE!

→ not an angel masterlist

——————☆

act iii: power in the blood

by: marvelgirlatheart

☆

“We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.”

-W. Somerset Maugham

——————-

Clarksdale, Mississippi 

1917

War was looming in the country, something that wasn't foreign to America but still a scary future to look to. The last major war was only a few years back: the Splendid Little War. It was only sixteen years ago, and you were but a little baby with little consciousness to realize that a war was in your country.

But now, you were grown and directly affected by this. Elijah and Elias were drafted. When you found out, you sank to your knees, not caring what splinters of wood would meet them from the old floor of your home. But Elijah’s arms were around you like a shield, as if he were trying to protect you from the truth. Your parents or siblings were not home. He caught you cleaning the porch, and you had dropped your broom and let out a sob when he told you. Now, he was a realist, he never lied and he could tell a lie in a person, two very good skills to have but for this little moment, he couldn't do that with you.

He tried to ignore the situation as the days came closer for them both to leave. He acted as if nothing was going to happen, like he was not about to fight for his life somewhere far away maybe… not come back home to you.

Now that terrified you. You were scared for not just Elijah but Elias, as well. They were both practically your brothers, despite your relationship with Elijah. You could not lose one, so to lose both… it would devastate you, Mary, too.

So, like Elijah, you tried to ignore the pain in your heart and the anxiety beginning to flood your mind. You would just take everything in with Elijah now. You both would still talk about the future, that house he promised to build, the marriage that brought butterflies to your stomach… children. The future had you giddy. Life would be different. No more screaming babies, no more aching fingers from the tedious work of stitching clothing back together after being roughened up by little children. No more hot Sundays just standing in a sweat, like a whore in church, surrounded by singing and screaming people caught by the Holy Ghost.

None of that. But freedom. Freedom from it all. From your parents, from your siblings, from the pressure of life. To get a job, to find a man who was devoted to God with a good job, which you found was rare in a place like this.

…but a girl could only dream, right?

——————

It was a sunny morning, something that didn't match your heart. It was supposed to be cloudy, rainy, and gloomy. God, why couldn't you match the day with my heart, you thought.

Oh, how the time went by so fast. So many hidden nights and stolen kisses beneath the moon.

But now that was over for a time you did not know. You were currently at the train station, where plenty of other families were, both white and colored. Families are saying their goodbyes, hugging, and crying.

And for you guys, it was not that different. Mary and Elias were in their own little world, tears running her pale cheeks. For Elias, he was holding it in the best he could as his burly arms stayed gripping her shorter body. But even a man who tried to stay strong and masculine, like Elias, couldn't hide the gloss that shone over his eyes before he closed them.

For Elijah… it was the same but he could hide it better than his brother. He didn't show that much emotion while you hugged him, practically a reflection of the couple beside him. You muttered sweet words in his ear as your arms tightened around him but his words were monotone, no emotion clear in them. But a little bit of you was annoyed but more hurt by the little bit of emotion he was showing in such a painful moment.

But soon, your mind was cut off when you heard the train’s whistle go off, and that is when everyone around started to depart.

Your frown deepened and you leaned away to look into Elijah’s brown eyes, two deep pools that you could drown in but a pair you wouldn't see for a while. You tried to hide back your emotions earlier but you couldn't as your lip quivered and your tears started running down your cheeks.

“Fuck, Eli…” You whispered, your voice shaky. Your hands, slightly shaking like your voice, went to the collar of his shirt to straighten it out. Even if it was already straight, you needed something to touch on him, just one more moment to feel him. “You better take care of yourself, you hear? I need you comin’ back in one piece for me… please, baby,” You pleaded with him and he could only give you a look of pity. “I will, baby. I promise,” He then pressed one more kiss to your forehead, making your eyes close, and a quiet sob that just looked like a shudder of your shoulders and sounded like a hiccup coming from you. 

But you wouldn't take a kiss to the forehead as your goodbye. So, you smashed your lips on his, not caring how pretty it was for the people around you or how decent you should be in public. You couldn't care less. You kissed him passionately and he kissed you back, wrapping your arms around his neck and his, your waist.

You stayed like that for a while before you finally broke it. You both looked into each other's eyes for such a long time but at the same time, a short one.

After that, he finally began backing away. You tried to hold onto him as long as you could. Your fingertips grazed him before he was no longer beside you.

You held back the rest of your tears and sniffled, gently nodding your head as if trying to tell yourself that everything would be fine. Because it would. You would stay strong, make sure to keep up on your writing so that you could send many letters to the twins.

You would do everything in your power. You then went to Elias while Mary went to Elijah to say her goodbyes to the other twin.

You walked to Elias and embraced him, and Elias did the same thing. “No tears, girl,” He whispered, pressing kisses to your hairline. “Ain’t no point when we’ll be back in no time,” He said in his usual cocky tone, and you couldn't help but let out a small scoff, one that still couldn't hide the sadness in you.

“You better come back,” You said back to him, and then, you leaned away to look in his eyes. “And listen… keep your brother safe,” You said, Elias listening to all of your words. “Bring yourself back in one piece but Elijah, too. You both look out for each other, America’s own be damned,”

“Damn, girl…” Elias whispered with squinted eyes and a grin. “You my mama, now?” “I might as well be, boy,” You said, giving him a small smirk. “Someone needs to keep you two in check,” You said and Elias let out a small chuckle, shaking his head.

“You’re a trip,” He said and then, he hugged you once more, making your hands go to his biceps to hug him back. “Keep safe. Watch over those badass lil’ kids back at your house. Keep your momma good, too. And… if you need anything, write us a letter, ‘kay?” He said, breaking the hug to grab his bag.

“‘Course,” You said, nodding your head. Elias nodded his head back and then went to his brother. Mary walked to your side and the both of you looked as they carried their bags, which were so light. Your eyes were stuck on them both as they walked to the train that was packed with men. You shook your head at the sight, your eyes glossing over again but you quickly blinked not to cry. 

Mary seemed to sense your emotions beginning to crack. Her tears had already dried up but her pretty pink lips were set in a small frown. She wrapped an arm around your shoulder and put her head on top of yours, the side of it going into your hair that you tried to get as neat as possible this morning with your trembling hands. You looked at the boys as they walked to the train. Elias went first, disappearing into the cart, and then, Elijah was next.

You shook your head, looking as he walked into the train behind his brother and soon, the twins were gone, disappearing into the train.

“Fuck…” You whispered under your breath, closing your eyes. You didn't want to see the train leave. If you did, your heart would just break even more the farther the twins, specifically Elijah, went.

All you could hear was the train itself, its horn blowing and slowly, the wheels moving on the track. You could hear people saying goodbye, yelling out for their loved ones. But it really hurt when you felt Mary move with her arm still around her shoulder.

She waved her arm, her eyes set on the twins, most Elias, who swindled their way to a window. “I love you, baby!” 

To your knowledge, that was the first time she had ever said such words to Elias. The man’s eyes widened through the window as he looked at you both, the apple in his eye being Mary. That’s what made you look up and there, you could see a sliver of Elijah. You swallowed. So many words wanted to come out but you couldn't say much. All you could do to help yourself was lift two fingers up to your lips, as if you were kissing his full ones, giving him the soft pecks you would under the big tree behind Ms. Martha’s house. You then blew the kiss toward him, a message: my love for you, Elijah Moore, my love for you will still be here even when you get back.

Your eyes followed the train as it went further and further away… until it was nothing but a speck riding off into the sun. Your mind drifted and everything around you disappeared except for that man.

His voice, his touch, his mind, you felt like you could feel it everywhere yet nowhere. Who would read you a book when you were feeling the need for an adventure outside of this old town? Who would pick you up like you were a little girl again, just for the fun of it? Who would sneak you out to leave your life behind, even just for a night? Who would make you moan, sing a song for the night? Who would draw marks along your body, make you feel like you were on Mars?

But most importantly, who would love you like you were everything in the world while that man was gone?

Suddenly, you were snapped out of your mind when you heard Mary. “Come on, baby,” She whispered against your ear which made you shiver. She then squeezed your shoulder. “Let’s get on back. Ain’t no reason to stay here all day,” She reasoned with you but you couldn't come up with a response, your throat closed up, emotion bubbling inside you, wanting to come out. 

But instead, your voice came out hoarse, as if you hadn't spoken for a long time, as if you were a girl who needed water like she needed air. “…yeah. Come on,” You whispered, still looking in the direction the train went.

With that, Mary situated herself, making sure her hair was nice and her cheeks were dry before her arm on your shoulder moved to grip your hand. She squeezed it and instinctively, you squeezed it back. Like you both shared one body, you both turned around and started walking down the station.

You straightened out your posture and fixed your face, like your momma told you to do when she would pop you on the mouth for saying something smart. But that couldn't cover up the pain. 

Damn… this war was going to be hell for you, wasn't it?

——————

You listened to everything. With enough money that you saved up from the people you worked for around the town, from odd jobs to seamstress work, you bought a cheap but working radio to hear every bit of news you could hear. You even looked into every newspaper you could look at before the paper was snatched away from you, blocked by an old, angry man, and an expense you thought was ridiculous.

But most importantly… you worked on your writing. Mary helped you write letters to Elijah while she worked for Elias’. It was like you both were assigned to each twin, funny enough. And this was even what led you to your first moment in the big house you only saw from outside so much. And it was beautiful, as beautiful as it was on the outside.

You would spend your days perfecting your letter, using the excuse that you were working for Mary on a dress for your parents. With the sun rising, the sun high, the sun setting, and the sun gone, you would write as long as your fingers allowed.

And now, today was the day you would finally be able to send the letter off. 

Winter had finally struck Mississippi and despite there being no snow down here, it was surely cold as hell. The heat that seemed to come from hell was replaced by a bitter cold that felt like it bit you every time you took a step out. But to deliver this letter, you would climb the highest mountain and dredge through the deepest waters just to get your words to Elijah.

So, with the help of Mary today, you both set off into town. Her arm was wrapped around yours as you both walked down a sidewalk, your breath seen in the air from how cold it was. The two of you looked as different as you could ever be and of course, with that, stares came. Some were just a glance, as if they couldn't believe it or maybe they needed a double glance. Some others were glares and of course, your mind got the best of you with that.

Usually, you couldn't care for it. If someone stared you down, you would look back at them with such confidence… but it seemed to go down when Elijah left. Everything did, really. The only other person who could get you out of your days where you were stuck in a hole would be Mary but because of your separate lives, it took a few days for you to see her, so you would be stuck in your mind with nothing but your thoughts, worries, stress, and anxiety.

But Mary couldn't care less. She kept her head high and her eyes set on the path you both needed to be on… even if her life was turning to a wreck. Ms. Martha got sick shortly after the twins left. It was sudden. It started out as a little cough, nothing too serious. But when she went to the doctors in the previous month, she found out she had cancer, something that they couldn't help her with. So, her days were limited and Mary did everything she could for the woman. She would feed her, put her to bed like she was a child, and even get her up to take short walks around their house…

It was a sad sight. How life could change so fast, in the blink of an eye. It scared you. Could the same happen to you? Elijah?

No… you couldn't think of that. Now, it was supposed to be a good day for you. To get this letter to Elijah would mean the world to you.

 After a while of walking, finally, you two arrived at the postal office, a small building that was at the heart of the town. You had never been in it before. The bell above rang and despite it still being cold inside, it was a little warmer and relieving to be in a building.

You let out a small shudder, your gloved hands gripping the piece of paper that was folded and in an envelope, Elijah’s name written on it. The man behind the counter didn't look up but you could have sworn his eyes moved to view you both but not a real glance was given toward you.

But that didn't matter. Mary walked you both up and then put her letter down on the counter, ‘Elias Moore’ written on the front, her handwriting neater than yours.

“We need these letters shipped, please,” She said, her voice monotone but still holding the politeness she was taught at a young age. You could tell the man wouldn't be nice just by how he looked. His brows slightly furrowed with his lips set in what seemed like a permanent scowl… oh, Lord.

The man finally looked up at Mary, looking her up and down while shifting in his seat. He then looked at you and that is when you set your letter down as well, beside Mary’s, both of them stamped with the same symbol. With both letters on the counter, the man looked down and he couldn't help but let out a small scoff.

“Got men in the war?” He asked, his words raspy as he asked the question and to it, all you two girls could do was nod your head. The man let out a hum and then, after what seemed like forever, he spoke up again.

“Three cents,” He said and Mary’s eyes widened. “Three cents?” She questioned but the man immediately hit her back with words. “Did I stutter, lil’ girl?” One of his elbows went on the counter. “Either you got it or not…” He then looked down at her face and her clothes… maybe her body, too, with the way he licked his lips. “Looks like you got it, too, with them flashy clothes and cracker-ass skin,” He said and your eyes widened while Mary’s brows furrowed. But she held herself back. She clenched her jaw and then, opened up her purse, moving her arm from yours as she dug around for the money.

The sound of rummaging was the only sound in the place, save for the noise outside. You looked down at the letters and then, you looked up at the man, and immediately, you met his brown eyes. “Who the hell you lookin’ at, girl?” He said but before you could react, Mary immediately spoke up, her hands stopping in her purse while she gave the man a small glare. “Don’t talk to her like that,” She said. “Ain’t nobody teach you manners ‘round here?” She asked him, her voice clearly defensive.

“I can talk to you however I want. This is my shop and if you want these little letters delivered…” His finger reached out to tap, roughly, on the paper. “Then you best be polite to me,” He said and Mary let out a scoff. “I could fuckin’ care less if you were Jesus risen from the damn dead. You gon’ treat us with some respect, especially since I’m givin’ you my damn money,” “The money you whored around for?”

At this point, the man was speaking just to speak. Just like Mary’s, your brows furrowed at him. “…you damn bastard,” You said but like for Mary, he had words for you. “What the hell are you gon’ do ‘bout it? Please do somethin’ so that I have an excuse to use the new shotgun I just got,” Oh, he was crazy. “Oh, hell no,” Mary said under her breath. Then, she quickly snatched her letters up. “How ‘bout you go and fuck yourself with that damn gun,” She said and the man’s brows furrowed. “You better fuckin’-” “What?” Mary interrupted him. “I want you to fuckin’ try somethin’. Please do and I promise, one of us is gonna end up leavin’ this place with a fucked up face… and it ain’t gon’ be mine or hers,” She gestured toward you. 

The man rolled his tongue over his teeth and then, he got up. “You picked the good day to test me, bitch,” You then noticed him reaching under the counter. Immediately, you shook your head and put a gentle hand on Mary’s arm. “Nah, girl, come on,” You whispered to her.

“We can go to another one,” You said. She told you before that this was the only office in the town besides the other one… but that was a Whites Only and you didn't need problems. But there was another one that was about ten miles out in the other town. But to not see this man again, you didn't mind making the journey.

The man’s arm stopped moving and Mary kept her eyes on him. A silent battle was going on between them but after a while, Mary scoffed. “Yeah…” She straightened herself out. “Let’s go,” With that, you both turned around. Mary kept her glare set on the man who was giving her one back, and soon, you both started walking to the door.

“Yeah… walk away, you funky bitches,” He called out but Mary had words for him, too. “And you can shut the hell up with yo fuckin’ fat ass. Boy with no damn dick. Make sure you fuckin’ powder and get that gun nice for that loose asshole of yours, too” With that, she shoved the door open and the both of you walked out. A few people’s heads turned when the door opened, the shove harsh but she made sure to slam the door even harder behind her before you both continued walking down the sidewalk to get to her car, ready to hit the road for a small trip to the next town over.

After getting to the town, you were lucky enough to get the letters approved and shipped off for a cheaper price. You were relieved to have that done and you couldn't help but thank Mary many times for it.

But still, your nerves got to you. Months went by and a new year came: 1918. You kept on listening for every little bit of news. Of course, the victories made you happy but when the casualties came up… that made you feel bad. So, you would keep writing to Elijah, and sure enough, he would write back. He would tell you everything in the beginning. And you would tell him everything. He still sounded the same, even through his writing. He even told you that he started smoking, something one of the guys he met in his division introduced him to.

It helped his nerves, he said. With everything he’s seen and everything he’s witnessing now… he probably did need it. And it wasn't like he didn't smoke as it was but he was smoking more, now. But as the months went by, the letters began to dwindle. You would see Mary get her letters every time you both went to the postal office in the next town over but for you… nothing. Did your letters come through? Did you write them correctly? So, you made Mary ask Elias the question to Elias when writing her letter. She asked if Elijah was okay and when she got it back, all he said was, ‘He’s just going through some things’.

That was it. Nothing more or nothing less. Just those few words… it made your heart break a bit for Elijah because based on the few letters he did send, it seemed like he was really going through some things but at the same time… you were a little concerned. But you would not press on it much. Instead, you would wait.

You would pray every night, praying for the twins’ safety, for this hell to be over soon.

—————

At moments, church felt like a safe place. Yes, there was a lot of noise and an unnecessary amount of heat in such a small room… but it was comforting. Maybe because you had been in it your entire life. You have seen the same people, heard the same man up at the podium as he spoke from his Bible… it was instilled in you to take it.

But today… you just could not.

“Would you be free from the burden of sin? There’s power in the blood, power in the blood…” A few people from the pews clapped to the beat while others sang in the small church. Light came from the windows, especially the one at the center, where the altar was.

But damn, if you could, you would get everyone to shut the hell up. You were mad. Not a word from Elijah in two months. It made you sad, but also angry. Did you do something wrong? Did you say something wrong in one of your letters? So many questions went through your head and that seemed to show on your person, as well.

Your parents noticed, or your momma, specifically. She would ask what was wrong and you would tell her that you were fine but you were not. You had a temper now. You were usually calm in different manners and scenarios but now you could not keep some of the anger you had. You would snap more often at your little siblings, speak less. That is why they made you go up for prayer at this Sunday service.

Your parents had told you ahead of time that they were going to take you up there. You did not want to go, of course. You hated going for prayer. But it was either go on your own will or you would be forced to.

So, that’s where you were left. Your mother was to your left, her arm hooked around yours. You both looked at the altar, where the pastor was. He had one of the congregation members with him, his hand on her forehead and his eyes closed as he prayed, his words getting louder and the woman’s sobs getting louder right beside him. She then let out a wallow, her arms lifting up as if she was reaching for Him, herself. Her legs shook and she cried while the pastor’s words got louder and louder.

People from the pews clapped and shouted and then, they were done. He whispered a few words to her before she went back to her seat. He looked as she walked off, still in her feelings but then, his head suddenly turned to look at you and you could not help but tense up at his stare.

You did not move first. And when your momma noticed that, she gently pulled your arm and the two of you went up toward the pastor. Your steps were slow and your face held no emotion as you walked. You could hear a baby cry behind you, probably your baby brother who was with your sister and your daddy. But all of that seemed to disappear, all the sound, when you approached the tall man.

The pastor gently gripped your momma’s upper arm and leaned in to whisper to her. “What’s the matter, sister?” He asked her and she responded back to him, looking at you and then him. “She needs help, pastor. She… she’s bein’ held back by somethin’. Whatever demon she has…” You closed your eyes at the word.

“Get rid of it and bring me back my child,” She pleaded and the man nodded his head, his brows furrowed as he listened. “You have my word. We will get whatever she has out,” All you could do was look down at the floor as his attention turned to you. From the corner of your vision, you saw him reach for the bottle of oil that had been here since the beginning.

He got a few drops on the tips of his fingers and then, you felt his cold, dark fingertips slide down your forehead before he got closer. Your momma let go of your arm and backed away to give you space and now, all you could hear was his voice and the singing from the congregation that echoed in your mind now.

“Would you be whiter, much whiter than snow? There’s power in the blood, power in the blood,” When the oil was in the skin of your forehead, the pastor’s palm then flattened and that’s when he started talking.

“Father God, we ask for your word today, your healing on this poor child,” He started, his words quiet, only meant for you.

“Take whatever you have holdin’ her, whatever is troublin’ her, take it away from her, Lord. Give your child your protection, your love,”

Eli. The only person who could give you those two things. Your body was still tense but you could feel your legs shaking a bit as he continued, as well as the singing. “Take the devil right from her, Lord! Give her her strength, give her her faith. Let whatever is holdin’ her be released, Father God!” His words got louder, and people from the pews clapped like they did for the last lady. Your momma was nodding her head at the side of you both, her hands out and her eyes closed as she prayed with him.

“Give this girl what she needs, oh Lord,” 

Suddenly, you could hear words. Not just from him and the congregation, but words from the past. I love you. I’ll protect you. You’re my everything. I’ll cherish you for life…

It didn't seem like that, now. You felt forgotten. You felt lost without Elijah. It was pathetic to feel this way over another person, let alone a man, but you couldn't care now.

You just wanted him. You wanted an explanation, you wanted to prove that you could be better. But then, those thoughts got darker. The pastor’s praying got louder, and to you, the singing seemed to, as well.

“Would you do service for Jesus your King? There’s power in the blood, power in the blood…”

“Yes, Lord,” Your mother said, nodding her head again while the pastor continued. They thought they were doing you good… but you just felt worse now. Did something happen? Were the twins hiding something? What if he got hurt? Something must have happened.

“Would you live daily His praises to sing? There’s wonderful power in the blood,”

“Yes, Lord!” Your momma yelled out and the pastor soon came after. “Rebuke Satan from this girl, Lord!” The pastor yelled out as his hand seemed to sink deeper into your head. But among all that, your thoughts were louder. Your stress weighed more. Life, your family, the state of the country, every single eye that had been on you when you walked down the street. But most importantly…

…did he even love you anymore?

Your thoughts seemed to win with that final whisper in the back of your mind.

Gasps came from all around as your knees gave out and your body suddenly hit the floor, your eyes rolling into the back of your head before they closed completely. Everything was dizzy and words were muffled. You could faintly hear your momma’s voice, and then your daddy’s, who seemed to run straight from the pews and to the scene. 

You felt someone grab the back of your head to lift it up, gently shaking it to keep you up but you could feel yourself just getting deeper into darkness.

But before you completely went out, you heard words. Words from the pastor. “He has taken her! The Lord has blessed this girl with His word and His vision! May she be saved!” Your body was then cradled but that was the last thing you could comprehend before everything started going out, completely.

But of course, before that could happen, you heard one more thing. Not the pastor… not your momma… but singing.

“There’s power in the blood,”

—————

”Oh, thank God!” That was the first thing you heard before light suddenly came into your vision. You squeezed your eyes shut and let out a small grunt as you turned your head to the side. But then, you slowly fluttered your eyes open and that’s when you saw your bedroom window. Then, you noticed you were over your bed sheets. You were back in your house.

“Oh, God…” You whispered under your breath when an immediate headache came to your temples. “Larry, she’s awake!” You heard your momma say but the yelling didn't help much with your headache.

“Look at me, baby,” Then, you felt a hand on the side of your face and your head was suddenly turned and there, you saw your momma hovering over you. She was still in her church dress, sitting at the edge of the bed beside you.

“Momma… I’m fine…” You whispered but your words sounded weak, a sign to her that you weren't. “Hush with that nonsense, girl,” She said. You wanted to tell her again that you were fine but you knew she wouldn't take that again.

So, instead, you left it alone. You slowly shifted to sit yourself up. “Wha… what happened?” You asked, your words slightly slurred as you looked around with squinted eyes.

Your momma shifted as well, keeping her eye on you. “You passed out in the church, baby,” She said and your brows furrowed at her words. But then, you saw your daddy walk in, a bucket and a rag in his hand. He looked at you and then walked up, setting the bucket down on the ground and then the rag in your momma’s hands. You heard them whisper something to each other and noticed how he looked at you before he turned around and walked out the room, leaving you two alone again.

She let out a sigh and let her shoulders slightly slouch before turning her head to look back at you. “Nina over there suggested that you passed out from the heat,” Nina was an old woman, a sweet one who seemed to know so much for her age. You did see her in church from a fast glimpse. Your momma gripped the rag your daddy got and dipped it in the bucket before lifting it to your forehead and you felt the now cold rag touch your skin. “But don’t worry ‘bout that. You need to rest,” She said and then, she gently pressed you back down on the bed. “We can’t have you sick on us, now,” She patted your head a few times and, surprisingly, you couldn't help but relax as you were treated by her.

After that, it was quiet in the room. You could hear faint footsteps from outside the room, maybe your other family. But they didn't make much noise. It was almost… peaceful, now. Well… the outside was. Your thoughts started to come back. All you could think of was Elijah again, probably the main reason why you were in this bed to begin with.

Your mother settled you in and gave you a few more pats before setting the rag down in the bucket. “Try to sleep,” She said as she got up, the bed creaking with the pressure of extra weight now gone. “And relax.” She emphasized to you before she picked up the bucket by the handle. It seemed she was about to walk to the door but then, she stopped when your voice came out, a bit louder than before but still quiet.

“Have you ever thought that daddy didn't love you?” You suddenly asked and at your words, she turned her head over her shoulder, her eyes slightly widened. “…where the hell are you gettin’ that question from?” She asked, clearly confused and taken off guard by it.

And now, you felt a bit stupid. “Just…” You shifted in the bed, feeling the pressure of her gaze on you. “…it’s just a question that’s been on my mind,” You whispered. She stayed quiet, too quiet. She didn't make a sound or move a muscle but she only looked at you. You thought she would dig deeper for more information, more context for where this came from, but instead, you were met with something else.

“I have,” She then said. “There… have been moments where I questioned the relationship,” She said, calmly, looking away from you in thought. “Back in our early days. I always thought your damn daddy was goin’ ‘round with other women…” Her lips slightly went up in amusement before going back down.

“But then I had to ask myself:… do I really think that? Does he love me?” She looked back at you. “And the answer to that was simple: yes. I love him and he loves me,” 

Before you knew it, she set the bucket down on the wooden floor and walked back to the bed, sitting in the spot she was in before. “Not all relationships will be perfect, baby, both friendly and romantic relationships. You can't expect everyone you meet to be nice and to stay by your side. Some people will stay but some will also leave… but also remember that not every relationship will be perfect. You’re not perfect,” She gestured toward you with a lazy, crooked finger. “I’m not perfect,” She moved her finger to her chest to point at herself, her nail digging into the floral-accented cloth.

“And your damn daddy sure as hell ain’t, either,” She whispered, as if she were saying something bad but with a smirk. “Everything ain’t always gonna be rainbows, baby. Remember that,” She said and then, she reached her hand out to gently caress your cheek.

You both hadn't had a moment like this, where the both of you could just talk without your daddy or siblings. And if felt nice, to feel like a little girl again. “So… if you ever have that question with a man… does he love me…” Her brows slightly furrowed at the question. “Think to the times where he has treated you like a princess, like the woman you are. And if the good outweighs the bad, keep him. But the opposite… kick his ass straight to the curb,” She said, raising her brow and you could not help but smirk at her expression. “‘Course, momma. Ain’t no boy finna leave me lookin’ like a dog on a leash,” You said and she gave you a satisfied smile, a proud one. 

“That’s what I like to hear,” She nodded her head and gently squeezed your cheek before getting up with a long sigh. “Hope I answered your question,” She said, reaching down to pick back up the bucket.

“Yeah… I think you did,” You whispered, truthfully. Her words made you think to all the good times with Elijah, not just in the relationship but in your childhood, as well. He was a good man, you couldn't lie. He was a keeper, too, both in looks and spirit. 

So… maybe you could wait. Wait until they came back because the twins would. You could sit with him, talk to him about what you thought, and actually translate your worries because it wasn't like he could read your mind.

Yeah… that sounded good. You were about to thank your momma but when you looked up, out of your thoughts now, she was gone, the bucket and rag with her. The door was now cracked and you could hear her gentle footsteps hitting the floorboards outside as she walked away from your room, leaving you alone with your now gentle thoughts.

—————

The year went by and already, it was almost over. It went by like a breeze for you and that was a good thing.

After having that talk with your momma, you told yourself to just let your worries go. Of course, you were still anxious about the war, about the safety of the twins but at the same time, you learned to let go of your question of love. You kept that down and hidden, saved for the day he would come back to Clarksdale.

Now, rather than worrying, you were back to being focused on your life. You learned to turn your tolerance of seeming into a hobby, something to pass the time by. And you even continued writing, not just letters but your own thoughts. Mary had gotten you a notebook for your birthday that passed, and said it would be good for you. And of course, you cherished it. She even wrote a little note in the front. “Keep that brain sharp and that ass fatter,”

Damn, you loved her. And you also tried to keep visiting Mary, frequently. You went to her house with your momma’s soul for Ms. Martha. But today, you both decided to go out. Of course, you still wanted to keep that bit of your rebellious streak alive, the same one the twins would feed when they took you to all of these places.

So, that is why you and Mary were at a bar, sitting at a table while laughing at something she had said. Earlier, she had commented on a glow you suddenly had on you and you weren't surprised. You felt better after this past year, with you learning to let your thoughts go. Who knows, maybe the prayer really did help you.

Now with finished drinks and faltering laughs, she got up to get refills, leaving you alone at the table. You had a small smile on your lips as you relaxed, looking at Mary as she walked to the bar. You saw her speak to the man behind the bar and he went to get your drinks set up. She looked around a bit, just to keep herself up while she waited for drinks.

But then, you saw her gaze stop at something. She was looking down, her head slightly getting closer and then, you saw her body slightly tense up.

You didn't think much of it. It was probably something stupid. So, you turned your head to look around the bar but not even a few more seconds later, you heard heels clicking on the floor, rushing to you. Your brows furrowed at the noise and you turned your head in the direction from which the sound was coming from, which was from Mary.

Your eyes widened once you saw how close she already was to the table but this time, she had a newspaper in her hand.

Your brows furrowed as you looked up at her once she approached your table. “Mary, what the hell?” You said, looking back at the bar to make sure the drinks were not just sitting but then, she put the newspaper down on the table, in front of you.

“Look at this,” She said and based on her tone, you could hear shock, surprise… but almost relief. Your eyes stayed on her for a while longer before you looked down at the paper and immediately, your body tensed and a small shudder came from your lips that parted when you read the heading.

War Near Its End.

You looked down and read that it would still take a few weeks but it looked like the war was wrapping up. After what felt like ages, you looked back up at Mary, who was looking at you with a smile now growing on her lipstick-painted lips.

With that, you seemed to speak with both of your minds. “They’re comin’ home,” You whispered and she nodded my head. “They’re comin’ home,” She said back. She knew what you thought about it all, so it was not a surprise that her reaction was before. 

Then, she let out a small laugh. “They’re comin’ home!” She said, her voice a bit louder and before you knew it, she was grabbing your hands and lifting you up to your feet to hug you, squeeze you and you did the same. You both let out excited noises, bouncing up and down which, of course, brought eyes toward you both but you girls didn't care.

You could give a rat’s ass about it because everything felt so good now, it felt like the patience you learned over the year was for something after all. 

Elijah was coming back home. Coming to you.

[kurorosanime]

25 Years Later: "Good Boy? ✕ Bad Boy? ✕ Killua"

After the cliffhanger in the previous episode, there's a lot new going on despite the relatively familiar groups 1999 has left off in. Gon and Killua certainly are playing Netero's game, but the stakes are now completely different, the actors involved have changed, and Killua's attitude has shifted from cool yet also on-edge dismissal to terror and self-loathing.

This is the episode that asks the fateful question that everything since the start of the exam really has been building towards- Who is Killua Zoldyck? It indulges in time spent solely in this character’s head, his rationalizations, his view on events, and his literal perspective, what he is seeing- quite literally.

This is an episode where for once, Kurapika and Leorio are fully backseating, limited to a comedic aside spanning only a couple minutes, with the focus being on the three cast members whose focuses are their own fathers (yes, that specific). Gon, who wants to find his, Killua, who wants to surpass his, and anime original Anita, who wants to avenge her own.

It creates this idea of what to anticipate in their respective pursuits, and what Anita receives is disappointment. Not only does she fail, but her interactions with Killua are bookended by him forcing her to question her very goal in the first place. At the start, in episode eleven, is him directly stating that the only people who have assassins sent after them are those who have incurred someone's anger, and at the end of episode twelve he tells Anita that her father likely built their happiness on addictive drugs. It’s him pulling the rug out from her reality and into his own mindset.

Throughout the episode, Killua has to contend with his family’s expectations. He runs from the fight with Netero when he thinks he might do something his family might do, that being to fight with the intention of killing. It’s unclear who he is worried about, but given how his thoughts linger on Gon afterwards, it becomes clear who he feared involving in the situation, or even, who might end up dead because of his actions. He ends up quite literally speaking to himself, carrying on the same visual motif from the prior episode of him and Gon gazing into the window, only this time he is alone and trapped with his own thoughts, those of a killer and those of one who wants to do things other than kill.

It continues to be a precarious balancing act with the three. Gon’s earnestness, Killua’s attraction to Gon’s nature, and Anita’s desire for revenge against Killua, forcing the latter two characters into a back and forth, one that almost results in Killua murdering two people… only for him to see Gon, outside the window. Instead of seeing himself and his own nature reflected, he sees Gon still fighting, both for himself and for someone he has never met, though his fight for that person is also on Killua’s behalf. 

Gon becomes an ideal in this episode, someone aspirational. Kurapika followed Gon throughout the earlier episodes, and Leorio protected him, but Killua is the first character to showcase a true desire for Gon in the type of person he is. Gon is someone who knows Killua better than himself, Gon is someone who offers an escape for Killua, and Gon is someone Killua sees as better. 

It’s the beginnings of a more toxic relationship, fuelled by an anime original aspect to Killua’s character I have already gone over- his angst. His reflection in the window, his near-murders, his entire conflict with Anita, and even how he left Netero’s game, cocky and arrogant in the manga, terrified in the anime, these all play into a unique angst he has.

He is someone desiring change, but not knowing it. He is someone desiring to defeat his father, but not knowing it. Him coming here on a whim, for fun, is the most true aspect of his character because he doesn’t actually know what he wants. Later on a character will describe him as acting out, and that is the most apt descriptor for his actions here, as someone acting out and not knowing what they truly desire, but this time that acting out leads to a positive conclusion, one where he watches his friend achieve a personal victory, and relish in that.

In that, the episode concludes with a sign of growth. Where Killua and Anita’s conflict started with discomfort- harsh truths that would be better left unsaid, and Gon’s growing distance from Killua, this concludes with Killua telling the truth, but allowing a lie to linger. He never killed Anita’s father- likely, it was another member of his family that did it. But, he allowed her to hang onto that idea, perhaps to comfort her, or perhaps simply because it would be too much of a hassle to clear up, and that allows Gon and Killua to stand together again, the distance between them having been closed and a (literal) dawn on the horizon. 

This will be the last we see of Anita, despite Gon’s well wishes on her making another attempt at the Hunter Exams, and now we are left with Gon and Killua once more, ready to begin their descent into Trick Tower. The relationship between the two has already gone through so much turmoil, but surely this is the peak of that- right?

[gplovestwdg]

hiii! loving your modern au!! do you have more info about brody <3, marlon and like the rest of the ericson kidss?

Thank you for your interest and sorry it took so long for me to respond to this ask! ^^

The main Ericson's group from season 4 is split across high schoolers and young kids in my au and they live in separate areas of the school. Characters that go to the Ericson's high school are exactly the same age and in the same grade even if they're a bit younger/older in canon while characters that are younger than high school age are their canon ages.

Everyone is mostly the same though, like I've mentioned before, their roles within this au are slightly different. Marlon and Brody are the President and Vice-President of their grade respectively and as juniors (yes they're in 11th grade) they're given a lot of responsibility considering they'll be graduating next year. Also they're in a not so healthy relationship...

They share most of their classes, and Marlon definitely has anger issues that are exasperated by Brody's anxiety troubles. Here's the two of them with some unnamed students during the gym class they share ^^

It's difficult to divulge all the information regarding every character without turning this into an incomprehensible block of text so I'll be brief with other characters:

Louis and Violet are mostly the same, Louis is Marlon's childhood friend and Violet is pretty closed off and in an also not so healthy relationship with Minnie.

Minnie and Sophie are both on the school's baseball team, Minnie is similar to herself in game personality wise. She can be pretty rude and is very prone to siding with authority figures (teachers in this case) compared to those close to her. Sophie is much brighter and values the independence of students over the authority of teachers. Also Sophie and Mitch have something going on (fueled by my silly crackship in middle school haha.)

Mitch is literally the exact same lol. So are Aasim and Ruby, Aasim is the same as he is in game but he puts up a front around teachers as he's grown attached to his fellow students and doesn't particularly want to go home, since in game he's canonically basically been rehabilitated by the time of the apocalypses start. And yes, he's still pining after Ruby in my au. Omar is also virtually the same as well, he volunteers a lot to help the cafeteria ladies and gentlemen with lunch and dinner.

Tenn and Willy live in a separate section of the school for middle/elementary school aged kids and have their own teenager that they get to see once a week(Minnie/Sophie and Mitch respectively), kinda like the big brother program if you've heard of it. Though Sophie and Mitch specifically are very adept at sneaking around and seeing them near daily.

Here's a little relationship chart with all the kids ^^ Some relationships are a bit one-sided and some are multifaceted as well! For example most of the friends/hate arrows are meant to show annoyance/resentment in the friendship.

Also AJ lives in this section of the school, unbeknownst to Clem for now. It doubles as a living space/common education for kids taken by CPS.

Finally all the teenagers mentioned are in a big friend group and since they're friends with their grades president and vice-president they're able to take advantage of certain aspects of the school like sneaking out late at night without much punishment. They like to hang out around the river near the fishing cabin and in the forest, but Marlon doesn't let them go outside his arbitrary safe zone cause he can't really make up an excuse for them to be out past there and the thought of getting into trouble with the adults terrifies him. Though they do take the train into the closest town and hangout on weekends!

Ahh movie night :')

[bhobbiel]

General Analysis Lens

this will not be legible writing but I wanted to get my thoughts down~ and may add/edit

My past analysis is through that lens that Yashiro and Doumeki are foils whose experiences and personalities interact in a captivating way. They both make each other face the most difficult parts of themselves. Being forced to not ignore trauma and unhealthy coping. They both change perminently

Doumeki: No longer as naive/ putting Yashiro on a pedestal. Emotionally protects himself with aloofness (this specifically seems to bring out many different feelings of different readers). *expresses sexuality/desire vs yearning for ongoing impotency (pre time skip). Is forward with sexual desire. Still feels guilt as he describes himself to both Tsunakawa and Yashiro as having "no morals" for basically having sexual desire at all

Yashiro: In the most literal physical way- cannot get aroused like before with anyone. Craves gentleness. Is more aware of his trauma and cannot go back to previous ways of being. Views himself as stuck but in a different way then before... Before he used self effacing "humor" about being a hopeless pervert. Now he is in this limbo and does not know what to do after experiencing emotional intimate sex and having a pstd episode after

This specific aspect is one of the things that makes saezuru a story close to my heart.

As a reader (with my subjective experiences)- it can feel like healing can be this mountain- this more or less linear climb that you can push through. Then there is the shattering moment where you realize it is not. That just doing the scariest thing will not be enough. Yashiro faced the scariest thing possible- it happened-

My words cannot give justice to this part of the story. It means a lot to me. It can feel suffocating when your actions are not enough where there is no top of the mountain beautiful view for your effort. But instead a scrambling lost way of trying something new and different then a linear moment. It can feel terrifying and confusing, and like you are lost. You lost your previous way of being of when you did not fully accept identifying abuse/trauma, you lose the efficacy of your previous (unhealthy) coping mechanisms, and the bravery of facing your fear is not singular nor enough.

I do not view Yashiro and Doumeki as adversaries. I think more than anything- I view Saezuru as a tragic romance, a story that shows trauma in a profoundly meaningful way, about isolation/stuckness, about stitching your past and current coping mechanisms to survive.

But the dramatic push and pull is well written and serves a purpose-- but I am rooting for them yea? I do not think it is realistic (at least right now) to just be vulnerable and express their love and hurt directly to each other. Even the healthiest relationships (where neither is yakuza lol) this is difficult. That level of vulnerability is difficult. Even though they are in this stalemate (that is so visceral as a reader!) they actually have been more vulnerable in a short amount of time then I expected. They are both self protecting, warping things due to their insecurities, being round about , secretive, and passive aggressive about how they ultimately want each other. And are jealous of other people who they are with romantically/sexually.

*but Yashiro also said "I like (it/you)" which is very telling choice of words. And Doumeki is agreeing their bodies are compatible- but more than that Doumeki is more assertive/confident with sex. He wants to look Yashiro in the eyes, he wants immense amount of intimate foreplay, he wants to kiss him. And he does. Doumeki (at this point) shows desire physically. But it so clear as a reader that (due to the beautifully drawn) expressions that this the kind of sex that only happens when you are emotionally invested and care about someone

I read the "villian" as trauma. As this amphorous thing that changes and shifts, even after you work to face it. The yakuza environment to me emphasizes this. The danger of the yakuza environment is just as much as a hurdle for Yashiro and Doumeki's romantic relationship as trauma (admit not as deadly)

It has been interesting to read other people's analysis- who have completely different pov of the characters and their relationship

Of course I am not saying reading Saezuru through (my usual) lens is the only way or best way

But! I guess I want to clarify/write this- to articulate that most of my thoughts come from this POV.

[wingedfoolnearthesun]

i finally had a conversation that rekindled understanding between myself and someone i’ve been trying to distance myself from. unlike previous times, i decided to set stricter boundaries for myself— something i’ve never done before. i’ve always let people walk over me, always let them have the last word, always let them win in arguments in fear of sharing the things that bother me the most, always held back my voice and tears.

for the first time, i set a boundary that felt almost scary to do, albeit it not being anything that alarming or major to most. i expressed the reasons i had acted the way i did, taken accountability for the unintentional hurt i brought that person just by being silent and distancing myself. in the moment that followed — when i finally wrapped up my explanations and established the type of relationship i’d like to have with this person moving forward — i felt a warm touch on my shoulder and a soothing feeling in my chest that replaced the previous storm that hurled within.

one of the biggest things i’ve tried to work on with Father Thanatos has been taking risks and being open to change. taking that new step of finally setting a boundary and not letting someone else’s emotions make me feel guilty for the way i acted to protect myself has definitely been one of the changes i’ve faced thus far. i felt calm. i felt soothed. i felt reassured. i felt okay. for once, i felt like i reached a state of balance for a while.

whilst waiting for my bus, i was greeted with crows flying around and cawing their little tunes, perching on streetlights and bopping their heads at me. i’ve always associated crows with both Lord Apollo and Father Thanatos; considering my work with my lovely latter deity, i took it as a sign from Him.

it feels lovely to actually do something i was told i needed to work on with Him. and it makes me feel even more excited (of course simultaneously terrified) to be applying that risk-taking to a different aspect of my life: education. that’ll probably be a post for another day— when i actually try it out and see how well it goes. i would love to be able to share it with you all then ♡

praise be, blessed be, Xaire Father Thanatos

[bearloonz]

if you have any crumbs to share... about aac raz/lili/bobby dynamic pleeeez ramble to me i want info i'm so into this concept T_T

oh my guy I have so many crumbs for you. These guys have resided in the back of my brain forever but I was usually too embarrassed to say anything about it outside of a couple joke posts. But this is my house so I’m choosing to thrive and frolic.

Also a doodle of the aforementioned three before I enter my tangent :) rambling under the cut

the initial dynamic of these three goes something like

-Lili & Bobby - can’t stand his fake ass. She remembers having to deal with him at whispering rock and clearly is not very good at letting go of grudges from when she was ten. This is, in fact, Bobby’s worst nightmare. He was terrified of working for the psychonauts partially because he didn’t want to run into people he used to know. Surprise! They don’t like each other.

-Raz & Bobby. Raz has the complete opposite problem he literally barely remembers this guy. They interacted for maybe a collective hour one day when he was 10 years old, he only recalls him because Lili clocks him and reminds Raz. Bobby mostly hadn’t thought about him since camp, but did build a little (lot) bit of a resentment after seeing that weird little freak from camp pop up on different True Psychic Tales covers. That on top of Bobby now having to intern under this guy makes their relationship kind of spotty to start, for sure.

-Raz & Lili. Theyre having fun :) After having fun “dating” as real young kids they fall out of touch during their teen years when Raz goes to travel with then circus again to try and reconnect with his family (whole other can of worms for him.) They meet back up during the late teen years and sort of pick up right where they left off, dating off and on for a bit and “officially” dating long term for a little over a year now.

Both their relationships with Bobby evolve over time, naturally. Bobby and Raz have a whooole fucking thing that isn’t fully conceptualized and Is way too long a concept for me to share but their intern/mentor relationship does help them learn to get along with each other. And of course them getting along means Lili having to deal with being around Bobby more often and so it begins.

The whole ~ feelings ~ aspect mostly starts with her and Bobby I think, funnily enough. They hate each other, they want each other dead so bad, but eventually they have to learn to get along for Raz’s sake if nothing else. So they learn! Try to, at least. They’re both really bad at it.

but the “i hate you i want you dead” manages to evolve into that more friendly insulting banter some people have. “I hate you i want you dead” (complimentary.) It gives Raz a headache because it takes him a while to process that they’re usually joking when they’re arguing with each other now.

Lili doesn’t like when she starts to have Feelings about that shitty little freak (tm.) I think she’s somewhere on the Aro spectrum and when Raz wasn’t around she really never. Felt any sort of desire for romance with anyone else. Girl just kind of forgot about it for a bit until he showed up again. Which caused a lot of emotions. And then got used to that until Bobby is introduced into the equation and slowly she starts to feel things toward him that aren’t Rage and Disgust. Which causes a lot of emotions.

Raz I think is entirely oblivious of having any feelings toward him for the longest time. While Lili is a slow “oh god oh fuck” buildup, he’s just really happy he and Bobby are getting along at all that any sort of progress in affection toward him just feels like another big win for friendship. I think it hits him all at once late at night on a random Tuesday and he just sits up in bed and stares at a wall about it.

The whole Raz and Lili communicating abt the concept of polyamory would make this insane post already twice as long and it’s not a part of it all I’ve thought about anyways so we’re going to shelve it for now. But once they do reach the conclusion that they saw this guy from across the bar and they liked his vibe, they both proceed to trip over their own feet for the next however many weeks.

You see, “woman who does not process her emotions” and “guy who needs a twelve step plan for everything” is a prime combination for two people who are pulling some mad scientist shit to try and talk to this guy rather than just inviting him out to eat sometimes. And Bobby is convinced for a little bit that they’re planning to dissect his brain or something because they keep doing that ^

On Bobby’s side of this whole equation the evolution is just his own little torment nexus for a few months.

he initially discovers he’s got a thing for Lili after they start getting along more and it sucks for him. He enjoys their flirty little threats of violence but he’s also close with Raz at this point so I think it just kind of makes him feel . Gross . Like man am I flirting with my friend’s girlfriend I think I am. Oh he’s probably going to hate me. Help.

and that concern for Raz is also a guy in the back of his brain knocking on a door very loudly trying to tell him he’s bisexual but he’s not quite arrived at that conclusion. Give him a few more missions where Raz grabs him while he’s falling to his death and he’ll get there probably.

there’s so many words. These are so many words. I’ll be honest the wacky schenanigans of the “before relationship” era are so funny to me that I’ve not really had any conceptual ideas for them getting into + Being In a Relationship yet. But I hope that you like this at least! This insanely long ass post goes out to you and the one other guy who’s a fan of these three (hi)

[drawinglin]

Hello. Regarding Hellraiser III, I seem to recall you making a comment about how you believed Elliott and Unbound!Pinhead to be physical manifestations of Freud's model of the psyche - super-ego and id respectively. I am in total agreement with you there, and I have believed this same thing for a long time now. This would also make normal 'Bound' Pinhead that we meet in the first two films, and the films following Bloodline, to be the actual Ego itself. I think this makes the third film, and the characterisations so much more interesting, rather than doing what the early 90s HR comics did, which was to have Pinhead be an Aztec 'demon' who possesses Elliott, making them separate people altogether. That's boring and predictable, and just goes against everything that the movies established in the earlier films for Pinhead. By having Unbound and Elliott be one and the same, just different aspects of the same man, which is basically what HR is about - our deepest, darkest desires explored and enhanced, it builds on the HR mythology. This is why I've always loved HR3, and why I don't think it's a bad film, and why I just adore Unbound as a character. This is Pinhead off the leash. I still believe that Unbound would still be very fond of Kirsty, and still would be driven to protect her in some way. Even without his human side. But for the most part, he would be super eager to have her join him. Though he'd treat her much differently than he did the club patrons. I don't think the love/lust for Kirsty comes from just his human side. It comes from all of him.

Anyway, I thought I'd share my thoughts on the matter with you. I found this online regarding id, ego, super-ego, and it reminded me of the boys even more so. Maybe you could draw something out of this? It's an idea. I love your art. Keep up the good work! :)

Your analysis of Unbound and Elliot is exactly what I was thinking. It almost makes me cry. I’ve always found it hard to dislike HR3 for this reason. After watching the HR1 and HR2, I felt that human desires and darkness are what truly terrify us. So when I discovered that HR3 split the Hell Priest into two characters, I was super excited.

The human version of Elliot is relatively mature; after all, he carries the memories and burdens from his time as a human, as well as the PTSD of being a survivor of World War I. He is also someone who adheres strictly to rules. I guess this leadership quality and personality is what attracted Leviathan to him, eventually leading him to become the priest managing hell. In the moment of their separation, the repressed desires, dark sides, and nature of the human were individually extracted, like a newly born child without constraints. They both possess things that the other lacks. I’m really looking forward to their journey of hatred and self-destruction gradually turning into understanding, culminating in a new interpretation of a single person. It’s amazing! But unfortunately, HR3 didn’t delve into their complex psychological relationship in detail. This regret has made me want to doodle their story.

I was shocked to learn that the comic had mentioned the demon's setting before; I had no idea about that. Thank you for sharing! Like you, I’m more inclined towards the idea of the id and superego!

I agree that Elliot and Unbound have an obsession with Kirsty and surely hope that she would join their ranks as a Cenobite.

But to me,I tend to see their relationship as a complex ambiguity; I imagine it as a sense of distance rather than a romantic interaction. Their conflicts would actually bring them closer together.

For Kirsty, the Hell Priest undoubtedly intervened in her life and indirectly destroyed her family. Even if it started because of someone else’s involvement, he still cast a huge shadow over Kirsty. In their contract relationship, the Hell Priest has let her go multiple times, and Elliot himself has said that Kirsty is his friend. Therefore, I believe they share a relationship that is both contradictory and beautiful!

The existence of their relationship is so enchanting, which is probably why so many people like it!

And thank you for the pictures you provided. I love your thoughts every time you share them; they truly inspire me!🥰❤️ ❤️

[elainsgirl]

My biggest gripe about SJM is how she’ll write these interesting dynamics between her characters but decides to never expand upon it. For instance, Nesta/Elain/Feyre’s relationship is one of the most interesting aspects of ACOTAR and yet their relationship is criminally underdeveloped which is why I think the sisters receive so much hate from the fandom.

But anyway, in elain’s book I want SJM to not only delve deeper into her relationship with her sisters but also Azriel’s relationship with Mor and Cassian. Mor/Cassian/Azriel dynamic is one of the messiest dynamics in the series.

It’s clear that they all love each other but they have hurt each other so much (which never gets talked about). Their relationship is so nuanced.

Mor and Cassian slept together knowing that Azriel was in love with her. It was a sucky thing for them to do. But then again, Mor was young, scared, and desperately wanted out of a marriage forced upon her by her abusive family. She knew that if she wasn’t a virgin she wouldn’t be forced to marry a man that she was terrified of. She only ever trusted Cassian, Azriel, and Rhys. She couldn’t go to Azriel (because she knew it would mean more to him) and she definitely couldn’t go to Rhys (for obvious reasons), so that only left Cassian. Cassian was also young, severely abused and mistreated by everyone around him (excluding the IC). He loved Mor and he knew that she didn’t want to marry Eris - and the only way out was if Mor wasn’t a virgin. They didn’t have sex because they were lusty teens who didn’t care about Azriel but because they were scared teens making rash decisions because all the adults around them sucked.

That being said, Mor and Cassian’s hook up severely hurt Azriel. Even centuries later, it’s a sore subject for him - made even worse because Mor and Cassian continued to flirt and banter. I do think that Cassian genuinely had romantic feelings for Mor. He’s not stupid or blind. He knew that flirting with Mor (no matter how innocent it may appear) hurt Azriel but he choose to do it anyway - and I think the only reason he did it was because he felt something for Mor. Before Nesta, Cassian would’ve 100% gotten with Mor if Mor was actually serious or Azriel didnt exist.

Azriel isn’t dumb either. He’s not some love-stricken boy who pined away for five centuries with no clue that Mor didn’t love him in that way. Logically, he probably knew that she would never be with him. I think that yes, he had romantic feelings for Mor. Before elain, he 100% would’ve gotten with Mor if she was willing.

But really I think Mor was a safety net for both Azriel and Cassian. It’s stated that they had numerous flings that never amounted to anything. Mor was the only woman (outside of Amren - but in no universe would she ever hookup with Azriel or Cassian) that really stood by Cassian and Azriel through thick and thin. She knew all their flaws and still loved them - just not romantically. I think Cassian and Azriel both craved someone to see them (flaws and all) and still love them - and Mor did (just not romantically) which is why they kinda just latched onto her.

Mor knowingly used both Cassian and Azriel as shields. In ACOWAR when she spoke about her liking women to feyre, she wasn’t outwardly ashamed. But I think it took her a long time to come to terms with herself, especially considering how she grew up and even now she still sees her abusive family on a regular basis.

She loves Cassian and Azriel so much - it wouldn’t surprise me if she was afraid that if they found out they would look or treat her differently. She likes being there for them. She likes when they confide in her. And truthfully, she might’ve been afraid that if Cassian and Azriel decide to seriously pursue someone romantically she would lose meaning in their life. For five hundred years, Cassian and Azriel prioritized Mor above every other woman in their life. For a woman who’s been mistreated by her father and family her entire life, having two men (along with Rhys and Amren) who look at her with love, respect, and affection would be her second chance at a family. I think one of Mor’s biggest fears instilled by her father is if Azriel and Cassian weren’t sexually attracted to her, they would no longer need her.

It’s going to be interesting to see how Mor reacts to Elain/Azriel and how her reaction differs from Cassian/Nesta. I think she’ll be afraid of Azriel replacing her, but I don’t think she’ll be outwardly mean like she was to Nesta. Elain isn’t openly hostile nor is she confrontational. Mor doesn’t want Azriel romantically - and she doesn’t want Azriel to want her romantically either. She wants him to be happy - she just wants to remain family.

Mor/Cassian/Azriel’s dynamic is super messy but I just love them all. They’re not awful. They all love each other but they’re so dysfunctional about it.

Yep Sjm has so many complex dynamics she could explore but she doesn’t beyond surface level which sucks because if she hd explored these dyanmics her characters would have more depth.

They love each other but ig in 500 years you are bound to mess up with each other once or twice. I have no doubt Mor, Cass and Az would willingly lay down their lives for each other despite how messy their history was. They’re still considered family.

when I read wings and Ember, and Cass talks about this scene 1) yes anon, I agree w you so much, Mor was young and frightened and didnt know how else to break this marriage. I feel like her going to Az would hVe been 10x worse for him as it would have been meaningful for him due to his crush and ofc…Rhys isnt on the table. Its just Cass so her going to him does make a lot of sense 2) I actually dont think Cass wanted Mor. The way he spoke about it in the bonus - he was jealous that Mor was getting Azriels attention…I honestly think Cass was in love or had feelings for Azriel if not romantic then pretty strong platonic ones and it was out of this jealousy he went too Mor. There was no trustable adults to guide them so they did the same stupid mistake some unguided person would do. I definitely agree that maybe Cass fell for Mor and if Nesta wasn’t in the picture those two would end up together.

as for Azriel, I think your interpretation is spot on, he wanted to someone that accepted him and Mor wS that person. I dont think he was ever madly in love with Mor, it was just an unrequited crush. I think he used her as a reason to remain unavailable to everyone else that would want him. I also think he would hVe eventually been with Mor if there was no Elain. And yh, Velaris and the IC might accept Mor coming out but she was raised in a very close minded, sheltered place. It would definitely be hard for her to come to terms with her preferences- I agree that Mor was using Az and Cass as her shields and to keep up the pretense she liked Men.

I do personally see Mor as someone with deep rooted insecurities. I think she likes being wanted and needed on her own terms, It must make her feel special that she means something to 2 bat boys that want her. I think in her own she is possesive, non-romantically, of Az and Cassian. She didnt react too positively towards Nessian as for Elriel, I think her and az will have a conversation and this will lead him to defy Rhys and go for Elain. Mor played a huge part on Azriels self worth. I think, he needs to hear it from her that he is worth it and has every right to be with who he wants. Mor and Az will definitely have a conversation in his book and that will be the conclusion for both of them, a way to let go of their past and move on.

dysfunctional relationships are interesting and Mass has a great opportunity to explore Mor/Cass/Azriel w Azriels pov + in a Mor novella if she ever gets one.

[chaifootsteps]

Stolas Project/Stolas rewrite anon again! Thank you so much - yes, I'll absolutely share my rewrite idea with you! Here it is:

Firstly, I think everything but the sexual abuse and childhood friends can be salvaged - the grimoire, Stella, Via, etc. A rewrite where Stolas TRULY did nothing wrong is just bland, after all. Especially as by 'tragic operatic figure', I mean characters such as the Phantom of the Opera, or Mr. Darcy. Those are men who are CERTAINLY not without fault.

In my mind, the best version of Stolas is an old man - an aloof, intimidating noble known for his personal army and his scientific brilliance. He's a bit mysterious; preferring to keep to himself and his studies. Gossip calls him 'the Hermit', 'the Astronomer', or 'the Scientist'. He loves to insert himself into mortal scientific debate, often being a 'spark of brilliance' in fellow eccentrics, or, more commonly, talent-less hacks that will only serve to spread misinformation and discourse. He's been playing the climate change game for years. NFTs were a joke made while drunk off his arse.

This would be how he's introduced - the frightening, eccentric general who keeps to himself and who rewrites the Truth based on his own hypothesis.

His isolation runs deeper than disinterest or scientific pursuit, though. Stolas is, in truth, a bleeding heart. Obviously, bleeding heart means something different for demons - he's still sadistic and likes sowing intellectual discourse, but there's a dignity to that in his eyes. The no-holds-barred, knives-out culture of his fellow nobles makes him deeply uncomfortable. Whilst he's prejudiced, the outright hostility towards imps makes his stomach churn. Science is easy because facts don't have feelings, but social gatherings do. Humans can't defame him in a way that matters.

Stolas has a reputation he's expected to uphold, and he feels as if playing socialite game or even appearing to the public at all will spell his doom. He just isn't confident in swaying the public as he is studying black holes or teaching Via how to command her father's army. He adores her, and he's terrified of what he may put her through if he makes a mistake.

This can partly be that, perhaps, Paimon is still Stolas's father and still far meaner than Stolas could ever hope to be. All the expectations of hell royalty - the cruelty, the meddling, the pleasure - all planted by his father. The rest of hell is presented as a frightening enemy, which encourages Stolas to sequester away. His army was passed down from his father, and he rarely uses it. This relationship could create a theme in children feeling unloved by their parents in Stolas that I'll elaborate on later with Via.

Combine all these aspects together, Stolas feels trapped. Trapped in his research, trapped in the bodies of tech bros and tiktok witches he peers through, trapped in his marriage, trapped by his father, trapped in his status. The shy rich scientist grows dissatisfied with expectations and with comfort. He craves freedom.

Stella isn't just an evil woman who exists to torment Stolas anymore. Their marriage IS arranged, and loveless. However I think they have a sort of Fredrick the Great and Catherine the Great dynamic - they don't have any love for eachother, but they don't want to make eachother miserable. Stella is sympathetic to his plight - she too is stern and aloof, but because she feels forced to to protect herself. She's the face of the family, and is used to playing defense. Being a woman in hell, more eyes are on her by default. Her life has been decided for her, and she has a role to play. For the sake of herself, for the sake of him, and for the sake of their daughter.

They would both do anything for Via. Via doesn't make them love eachother, but she makes them stay together to raise her. Via is aware of this, deep down, regardless of whether she catches her parents admitting it or not. Their lack of love, but persistent solidarity makes that palpable. Via grows up with the burden that stability rests on her, that love does not exist without her.

So Stolas and Stella agree - they don't have to like each-other, but they need to trust each-other for Via's sake. So long as they can be loyal, at least, they can go on and spend their lives doing their own thing. They won't interfere with eachother, won't demand anything of each other. They just need to be loyal to eachother. Stella never strays.

At first, neither does Stolas.

Blitzo trying to stealth into the party is their first meeting. Instead of taking him to his chambers to ""ravish"" him, Stolas is genuinely just looking to interrogate this most fascinating and audacious imp. Blitzo tries to seduce him, and Stolas actually rebukes the attempts. By the devil's footprints, he's a married man! What's wrong with this mongrel? The audacity! He smooths out his feathers, which have definitely only fluffed due to rage. On top of that, he catches on that Blitzo is trying to steal one of his tomes. This leads to a boiling point, and...

...The grimoire.

Rather than a plot device, the grimoire can be more symbolic to the give-and-take; the relative freedom they both feel in their relationship. I think there is real potential for exploring a forbidden gay yearning romance with real power imbalance at play, just without the rape shit. The grimoire could be a good representation of that, and its symbology relevant to their relationship can be based on how it's shared between them. I can see its relevance be handled several ways: a) A pact. Most like canon as far as I know. HOWEVER, there is no sexual favor coercion bullshit. it's strictly a business deal/typical devil pact. Blitzo's desperation and hubris have bungled his introduction to Stolas so badly that he's drawn the Hermit's attention. He can have his grimoire, but he must bring it back to Stolas and must consider himself as one of Stolas's legionnaires. While Blitzo can't really say no, having pissed off a demonic prince, it isn't for sexual coercion and neither consider themselves to have legitimate romantic or sexual feelings for eachother. That's a slowburn, stemming from Stolas's fascination for Blitzo's free spirit and Blitzo discovering Stolas's gentle, socially awkward science nerd side. Also creates a jumping board for episodes where IMP runs tasks for Stolas and it's more like watching a Batman episode from the perspective of Joker's goons.

b) A gift with strings attached. Instead of getting angry, Stolas becomes pitying of Blitzo. He offers the grimoire as a "kindness" (though with an air of condescension against imps that makes Blitzo uneasy) instead of a punishing pact, but still has Blitzo agree to bring the book back to him and to be willing to act as Stolas's dagger in the shadows should he demand it.

From there, their relationship becomes defined as an uneasy business truce. In my mind, Stolitz would work best as two people trying to seek freedom, potentially finding it in eachother, but their relationship is affected by the same metaphorical shackles they're trying to escape from - for Blitzo far more than Stolas. Even without any of the SA bullshit, Stolas still has a lot of power in this dynamic, even if he's well-meaning. But Stolas is a deeply repressed man, and Blitzo represents that running away, that freedom he's been looking for. But he's also a reminder of what he has to lose, should he give into temptation.

Stolas's kidnapping can be a turning point (instead of kidnapped by his wife and Striker, a character whose service to Stella butchers that character in his own right, perhaps he's kidnapped by a rival noble or by that weird mafia I know jackshit about), and in their business dealings they have lots of little moments of vulnerability that pile up. Stolas shows Blitzo his research as Blitzo is turning in a hit, Stolas starts helping Blitzo's business stay afloat in ways WITH no strings attached, etc. Look My Way happens during Stolas's moment of realization that he does have feelings for Blitzo, the audacious, free-spirited little imp that dared to steal from the Hermit.

I think we can keep his gag of terrifying, lust-filled speeches too - just have them be during moments of consent instead of unprompted sexual harassment. Stolas finally crumbles and begins admitting what he wants to do with Blitzo, and it snowballs into a rabid tirade that marks Blitzo down as scared and horny. It makes their confession and move into something like lovers exciting, intense, and silly, and it devolves into a night of passion. For a moment, they're both free.

But he experiences REAL consequences for his infidelity, with no 'oh poor baby Stolas' rigamarole. Stella is rightfully furious at him. The ONE thing they agreed to, and he couldn't even uphold that. She is devastated, and for once in her life is sided with. I don't think anyone besides her cares about the morality of cheating all that much, it's more-so about the tarnished status and the fact he couldn't even get away with it. Still, the family name is ruined and he loses MANY comforts in the divorce, including his daughter.

But more than that, his relationship with Via will never be the same. You can still have episodes where Via tries to bond with him, but Stolas committed (and by virtue of being with Blitzo, continues to commit) the sort of betrayal that never really gets healed by time. In her eyes, her father finally got sick of playing house and abandoned her for a new family that she never even met. She feels failed and replaced.

From there, you can have an arc of Stolas trying to adjust after the fallout of his infidelity, and can have Blitzo closing himself off from their messy intimacy (rather than trying to escape a sexually abusive relationship). Stuff like that.

That's my take on a better Stolas. Hope you enjoyed reading!

Holy hell, I was on the edge of my seat all throughout this! This was sublime.

Thank you for that five minute vacation to a better word.

[porcelanitaa]

I'm beginning to completely lost interest in my current relationship. I feel love for my partner, but having to keep up with actually dating them is exhausting, and I feel like we want different things out of life.

They want to have kids someday, I don't think I'm mentally/emotionally equipped to ever be a parent. They want to settle down and get a house and pets as soon as possible, I want to travel the world and leave all responsibilities behind. They have a much higher sex drive than I do. And I constantly feel the need to keep my interests and aspects of my identity secret from them because I'm afraid they wouldn't understand.

But I've also never had anybody love me this much, and I do feel a lot of love for them. I know it would destroy them if we broke up, and I don't think I could handle hurting someone like that. What I really want is to have a long talk with them about what isn't working for me in this relationship and try to fix things, but they can be so delicate emotionally and I feel like any indication that I'm unhappy would make them spiral.

I don't know what I want. We're both about to leave school and go into the real world, and if I don't say something now I could get stuck going along into a life I don't think would ever make me happy. But the thought of being without them is terrifying, they understand me better than anyone else has and I'd truly be alone in the world if I lost them.

-🐦

Oh, my little bird. I feel so sorry for you. Love is such a mysterious topic, specially for me. You and your partner seem like two unique souls, different but still beautiful.

I can assume you haven't shared this ache with them. How much can you hide away your feelings? That will only make your heart feel heavier, my love. Repressing is always unheathly, and it will most likely explode someday.

And if your heart feels tired even while it clings to comfort, be honest with yourself. Staying out of fear is not love, it is a cage.

Go ahead and talk with your beloved. Be firm about your desires as well, and honor yourself. Offer them some kind of support if they start to spiral (Water, a stress toy, a hug, etc). Be gentle, be kind, be honest.

I can't tell you what to choose. But I bless you with honesty, with bravery and the strength your tired heart needs. Better days will come, little bird. I love you, sending love and light.

[stunted-boars]

Inien and Thog's views on Friendship+The Gang are so interesting (taken from ep 113)

Inien on Friendship: "Friends don't exist out[side] of direct convenience. I've seen you guys try to stick together despite stratifying slightly, and that, frankly, terrifies me in this day and age." (The fact that Inien has no frame of reference for friendships that exist beyond what is convenient at any given moment is DEEPLY ALARMING. Did she have no normal friendships growing up? Did she not see her peers pursue friendships? Was her family equally cutthroat? Was this viewpoint something she was taught, or something she pieced together herself? Why is she terrified of people choosing to stick together?)

Thog on Friendship: "Doing right by your friends is like the hardest shit in the world. [...] Cooperating with people, it's difficult as hell! [...] you're gonna fuck up all the time, probably forever! People are hard!" (He's not wrong, per say, but Thog's idea of friendship brings to mind his role of "middle manager." He's the guy who would have to keep probably multiple higher-ups and underlings happy—interpersonal relationships are mostly negotiations, deals, bargains. His ""friendships"" have probably been limited to "coworker I don't actively hate" for at least a couple years now.)

Inien on The Gang: "In the future, if I ever went on some... titanic voyage into my own self-psyche, could I count on you guys to come after me? Is that what you're telling me right now?" (Inien is still struggling to come to terms with people who will care about her when she's not literally right there being useful. The easiest way for her to frame the gang and her relationship with them is "people who will stop me from breaking myself if I go too far." Remind you of anyone else? *cough* Ashe *cough*. I also think its interesting how she deflects by asking if that's what he (Gregor) is saying to her. It's not her OWN views! She's not putting herself in a vulnerable position by asking them to come after her! She's just saying what he's thinking!)

Thog on The Gang: "All of you value different shit—I just want to make money, goddamn it! Here you come with your morals, complicating my freakin' brain! God! [...] All I wanted to say is, we're a business, we're a team, we're in it together." (Thog's interactions with other people has been limited to Meadeshire for years (and, before that, Alaran). That is to say, a very money-centric environment. He's still having a hard time coming to terms with people who care about stuff beyond that, but he's able to justify his own involvement (to himself) by reasserting the business/team aspect of The Gang's relationship (both businesses and teams can create environments where you work with people you might not care about). Jokes on you, you depressed bastard, you're part of this found family now and there's no getting out of it.)

...these two are going to learn how friendships work wether they like it or not

^ The Gang is doing this to them