#something about the old me not existing after trauma. a new me is trying to be born. and i have to breathe life into it

[sulevinen]

i feel so fucking stupid because it took me two months to recognise that i had trauma which is fuckin wild considering what i have been doing for two months trying to get through it💀💀💀

[pikahlua]

I mean at least with ochako, deku and shouto the author had them fight with the intention to try to save or understand himiko, tomura and touya. These characters were constructed under this little idea. But at the end none of them managed to do it and all the villains died as villains anyway and the ones that lived didn't change and afterwards the author decided to show a random kid being helped by an old lady as the proof of hero society changing or something. It felt cheap to me i guess.

"fight with the intention to try to save or understand himiko, tomura and touya" "But at the end none of them managed to do it"

...Do...do you really think they didn't manage to understand Himiko, Tomura, and Touya? Why? Why do you think that? I don't know how it could have been any clearer that understanding was achieved??

And I'm very concerned about this notion that "saving" these villains means they don't die and after surviving they completely change. Like, I'm sorry, but this confuses me the most about people who claim to be fans of the villains when they imply things like this. Think about what this would mean. Somehow these villains' grievances with society should have all been immediately and completely resolved and they change their tune like "Oops, guess I was wrong about everything ever! I love society now! Everything that happened to me was justified and I should never have complained! The heroes were right all along and I was just being silly! I will take steps for improving myself and rejoining this society that I used to hate because I mistakenly thought it wronged me!" Maybe that's not how you truly expected it to play out, but if Izuku, Ochako, and Shouto managed to talk-no-jutsu their villains in one go out of being villains, it would absolutely have come across that way. It would have been the message behind the culmination in Izuku and everyone "becoming the greatest heroes." It would have said yes, the status quo is good and correct, and people should just open up to the right people before they become villains and then they wouldn't be a problem for everybody.

What we get instead is the heroes coming to an understanding of what their villains' grievances are (again, why do you think this didn't happen?) and showing those villains that yes, there is at least one person in the world who understands them and wants to give them hope, that wants to make their lives easier. Tomura and Himiko both die with hope in their hearts. A piece of darkness inside each of the three of them is resolved by their respective heroes. Touya is granted his last wish to talk things out with his family before he dies. Himiko is faced with the question of incarceration or death, and she chooses death as a means of staying true to herself (i.e. her desire to never be caught, to live and die as she wants to). She also is able to live this new form of "love" in giving her blood to Ochako as she goes out. In destroying himself, Tomura also destroys the man who used him and was responsible for the existence of "that house" that represented all his trauma. Tomura also left a legacy for Spinner to continue in his absence and a question for Izuku to observe of society in the aftermath (which is why we see that moment with the old lady, who represented the legitimate grievance Tomura had with the society that failed to save him from AFO). All the villains maintain their LEGITIMATE grievances with society and refuse to bend to society's wishes, and thus their points, their ideals, their legacies live on. They endure within the hearts of others who are aggrieved by society, and they leave a stark impact on the heroes who couldn't change them. That's how we get Ochako dedicating her life to children's welfare. That's how we get Izuku telling all children they can be heroes whether or not they become pro heroes in the law enforcement system. That's how we get Shouto living a life where he can be and discover himself separate from the tainted legacy of his father. The lessons they take from their villains stay in their hearts forever because they are failures. Their failure was the point. They aren't perfect, they can't save everyone by themselves, they have to dedicate their lives to being the change society needs if they want to save more people, and their failures guide them in the directions where they can make that sort of impact.

Believe it or not, Crimson Riot says it best...

Yeah, that's right, the message has been prevalent in the story for a long time. It didn't come out of no where.

If the message feels cheap to you, I implore you (and EVERYONE) to engage in a thought exercise. Genuinely, try to imagine that someone in the world other than you finds the message of this story as not cheap but as earnest and meaningful and robust. Now imagine why this person would think that. What evidence is there in the manga that they would use to support it? What meaning would they derive from this ending? Try to understand the opposite point of view. Try to honestly engage with the text in this way. Horikoshi devoted a decade of his life to telling this story. Sure, some of it probably suffered from bad editing and weird changes due to elongating the story at times. It was a big story with a giant cast, and that can be a lot for any one person to manage perfectly over the course of 10 years. Maybe there are parts of the story that aren't as tight or clean as they could be. But, in good faith, please try to imagine WHY Horikoshi felt this story needed to be told. Try to imagine what message Horikoshi wanted to convey that matters to him. Don't just dismiss the ending out of hand because it doesn't immediately click for you. I think it's great you asked me about it, and I hope my answer gives you more to think about.

[rafesfavoritegirl]

where currents collide

chapter 2: escape

𓂃⋆.˚ Viv, John B’s younger sister, just wants to escape the chaos of the pogues for a little while, after John B decided she can't come to a Kook party. After a night of tension and betrayal, she seeks some peace on her own, but it’s never that simple when you’re surrounded by the Pogues. What starts as a quiet moment alone on the beach turns into something unexpected when old wounds and new faces collide.

word count 1.1k

Content Warning: Mild language, emotional conflict, sibling dynamics, mentions of substance use, and tension-filled situations.

Trigger Warning: Mentions of family trauma (loss of a parent), emotional distress, mild substance use (marijuana), and moments of secrecy and betrayal.

As I watched everyone leave the house, I accepted defeat with humility. They were always going to perceive me as a little girl. I was disappointed in Jj most of all. He never used to choose sides. But now, knowing how he really felt, it stung to realize he was just like the rest of them. It all left me mentally and physically drained, pushing me to take a nap and escape for a little while from everything that had happened.

༄ ༄ ༄

I woke up feeling dehydrated, still unsettled by everything that had occurred earlier tonight. In an effort to clear my head, I decided to build a bonfire. I do not often get the house to myself, so I figured it was the perfect chance. Stepping into the yard, I spotted the hammock that Jj, John B, and I had put up when we were kids, still hanging from the tree. I grabbed some extra firewood to revive the ashes from the bonfire a couple nights before and headed back inside for a lighter, my phone, and my headphones.

Once I was back in the yard, I started to light the fire. When the flames finally caught, I settled into the hammock, slipped in my earbuds, and blasted my favorite playlist. The cool breeze brushed against my face, and for a moment, I realized maybe it wasn't so bad to have missed out on the chaos of tonight.

Just as I started to get comfortable in the silence combined with the arguments that happened previously, I did not hear the infamous sound of the half-broken twinkie entering the front yard, muffled by the music still in my ears. Once settled in, they made their way into the backyard, and suddenly, I could not ignore the look on their faces. They sat down, unintentionally crashing my bonfire, their eyes landing on me in my relaxed state.

"See? Told you staying home wouldn't kill you," John B said with a smug grin, clearly pleased with himself.

It only fueled my internal anger, making it burn even deeper. How could they sit there, knowing I was still upset? No apology, just laughing and reminiscing about the greatest night they have ever had, like nothing was wrong. Seeing my best friends ignore my existence, continuing to smile and laugh while I sat there in utter silence.

Hearing them all talk over one another, what caught my attention was Kie's voice: "Dude, when Jj brought the gun! I swear we were gonna get arrested," she said, and the rest of them laughed, agreeing with her.

I pulled off my headphones, cutting in. "Wait, what gun? What happened?" I asked, concern and curiosity creeping into my voice.

Kie dismissed me with a casual wave. "It was nothing," she said, laughing as she spun around, her back turned to me once again.

That was it. I stood up abruptly, my frustration boiling over. "Fuck this," I muttered, walking off without another word.

I headed to my room, shutting the door behind me, and sat down. For a moment, I just stared at the wall, my mind racing, trying to figure out what to do next. It took a moment, the silence giving me too much space to think.

༄ ༄ ༄

The bright white full moon shined through my window, and suddenly, an idea sparked. I needed to get to the beach—just to clear my head. I knew everyone was asleep by now, either in the living room or in John B's room, given the lack of space in our house.

That thought reminded me of how I would get there? The idea hit me out of nowhere, like a sudden rush of clarity. I could just take Jj's weed and the keys to his dirt bike. I needed a way to get out—escape, even if just for a little while—and the bike would get me to the beach in no time. Jj would not even notice, right? It was not like he was gonna miss it tonight, or even notice it was gone. Fixating on the thought, I convinced myself I would be back in time.

I knew where he kept everything—he always kept his stash of marijuana in that jar on the communal nightstand, and the keys to his bike were usually tossed carelessly on the dresser. I could not even explain why I was doing it, but it felt like the only way to get some space.

With that thought in mind, I quietly crept toward his room, my heart racing, but my mind set on the plan. I quietly opened Jj's door and paused for a moment, glancing at him as he slept, admiring how peaceful and cute he looked. A rush of guilt hit me—doing this behind his back felt wrong, but I could not shake what he had done. I knew he would be furious if he found out, but I had to go through with it. I tiptoed over to the drawer, quickly sorting through his mess, finding condoms and loose jewellery, until I found his dirt bike keys, weed and rolling paper. I left the house swiftly, starting up the bike, the engine roaring to life. I glanced back at the worn-down house, checking the window to see if I had woken anyone up. Coast clear. I grabbed the items I needed, then rushed out of his room, with everything at hand, I knew there was no turning back now.

༄ ༄ ༄

The moon reflected off the blue ocean as I parked the bike and made my way down to the beach—the same one the Pogues had visited not too long ago during their rioting. A few kooks were still hanging around, but I paid them no mind. I spread out my blanket and got ready to roll up.

I sat there, the mix of marijuana and saltwater breeze filling the air. For the first time in a while, I felt at peace, the worn-down headphones that I had earlier playing softly as I drifted into a stoned calm.

The kooks from when I had first arrived were packing up. Their infamous jeeps slowly rolled off the beach, and a part of me did not care, but another part felt relieved to be completely alone now—no talking, no people. Just silence.

That was until I saw a tall, shadowy figure making its way toward me. I did not think much of it, assuming they would just pass by. But then, without warning, the figure sat next to me. I was confused—though, in my stoned state, it did not register right away. I glanced to my right and froze. It was none other than Rafe Cameron.

Follow the wattpad, this fanfic will be posted consecutively every week with new chapters! : https://www.wattpad.com/user/rafesfavoritegirl-

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

i was thinking about how ariel from the little mermaid is criticized so harshly for "giving up her voice and family for some guy" when there was definitely a lot more to it than that.

ariel had dreams outside of eric. she wanted to see the world, she wanted to get acquainted with humans and human traditions and she wasn't satisfied with her life underwater. that was the whole point of "part of your world", she barely mentions eric in it. he was just a bonus in her new life, not her entire purpose.

why am i talking about a random disney movie? it's because i was thinking of lumity, and how amity also rebelled against her family for a new life. except.. amity really only mentions luz (and "the others" because let's be real, she did not give a shit about willow and gus at that point). amity's sole reason to go against her family's values was luz.

this, if anything, could be considered "giving up everything for a love interest" but people don't see it that way because amity's parents were shitty to begin with. but if you look at the little mermaid from a different perspective, you could argue that king triton wasn't a very good parent either.

he literally throws a temper tantrum just because his teenage daughter has a crush on a guy. ariel is legit terrified in that scene, and regardless of whether triton had good intentions or not, he made his daughter feel unsafe and turn to an impulsive decision in a moment of emotional distress.

all of this to say, you could argue that ariel had no reason to stay with her family either, given that her father lacks emotional sensitivity and does not sit down and try to communicate with his child, instead of destroying her collection and scaring her away.

coming back to amity, i can understand that luz inspired her to actually do something about her abusive parents, and that's sweet. but we never get to see what else amity wanted. since they never established a friendship arc between amity and gus or willow (she apologized to willow, sure, but the rekindling of their relationship happens much later on), all we know is that amity is tired of being abused and she wants to be with luz.

from an abuse victim's perspective, amity standing up against her parents was powerful. but unlike ariel, amity doesn't seem to want anything besides luz. and she never explores what she wants to do, now that she has successfully cut herself away from her mother's influence. her whole life revolves around luz after that.

there was that abomination brawl episode but even that ended up being about luz. the brawl was just a quick montage, it only existed for the emotional drama that came later on. in fact, even when the plot was focused on amity, it was more about her relationship with her father rather than her autonomy and personal interests.

there's a reason why a lot of people liked the mean girl version of amity. she had personality, she had interests and goals, she had CHARACTER. it was all fake and a result of trauma, but it was there and it helped flesh out her character. but after she is redeemed? there's nothing left of the old amity, not even the more positive/neutral traits, and her only personality is "luz's awesome girlfriend".

amity's arc should have been about exploring what she wanted outside of her parents' wishes. abuse often turns you into a shell of a person and recovering from years of trauma isn't as simple as getting a romantic partner. it takes therapy (and that is canonically an option in the boiling isles, let me remind you), it takes self-reflection, it takes giving yourself the permission to choose your own destiny and explore yourself outside of your abusers' expectations.

and amity gets none of this. her trauma and arc was resolved too quickly, even for a show that was cut short. they just gave her a makeover, got her into a relationship with luz and called it a day. the only reason people aren't giving her the ariel treatment is (probably) because lumity is a queer ship.

[sweatinghoneybee]

Drew out what Glowburst would look like in the fic! Since there hasn’t been any concept art on what Glowburst looks like i’d like to take a crack on what she would probably look like by the little description that we do get of her!

I drew out her past, present and future looks cause since it’s confirmed that Glowburst looks differently from what she looks at present time at the fic and a future look cause i feel like it’s all set and done when she has her family whole again after reuniting with sire again, she’ll have a healing arc where she’s taking herself and gets to spend some quality family time. Even tho there’s a hint that she’s gonna die, but for now i’m gonna be an optimist and just hope that MC will not be tortured by the plot traumas of the future (i know this is in vain but a girl can only wish ok!!)

But disclaimer tho, some of the things i put on Glowburst’s design is sort of headcanons from me with the ideas i come up with the things that are hinted about Glowburst and hasn’t been said yet in the fic, so no one better tell me that i’m off track when future chapters are added cause this design is just what i THINK she’d look like not what she DOES look like at the moment! And I’m honestly just having fun with her design kay? Plus i sort of kind of re-using a failed draft of my version of MC when she got older.

I mostly start with the present one since we got a description from ms.seacucumber that Glowburst looks old and that her paint is faded and since it’s said by MC that she looks like her carrier i got a pretty good draft on what she’d probably look like. I tried to base her off of MC but with slight differences since the sire’s genetic also got inherited so i didn’t want MC and GB to look too similar, and also i sorta made her look like she’s covered up cause i feel like the modification that got hinted in the new chapter 23 would be put over her past armor somewhat like trying to contain the fire in Glowburst to prevent it from well, bursting. And sorta like a symbolism that she’s being constrained and forced to being something she’s not. Also little funny reason on her color picking, i got the idea from A.B.A’s new design in guilty gear where there’s like a theory of sort that her hair is made of copper and that’s why her red hair is now greenish blue because of time and the other theory that it’s because A.B.A tried to dye her hair but ended up coloring it wrong, and since it’s confirmed by Spring that Glowburst has ember color scheme in her past and ember has reds in them i just roled with that color idea. Tho i wonder if i put enough greenishnest in the fading blue paint tho. . . . ? Maybe i’ll meke it more greenish in the future with the blue. . .

And with the present done it’s easy to think of past and future since i just need to branch it out. The reason why I thought of 80s type of inspiration for the past look cause of the description of Glowburst being old and since transformers has already existed since the 80s, I thought that it’ll be a good fit! Tho also fun fact, to get some some ideas on 80s look i looked up 80s cartoons and one of the cartoons that i found on that 80s cartoon list is Jem and the holograms, and i was like “hey MC likes to sing, that could be a good inspiration fit for her mama!”. Also i just really want an 80s based look for Glowburst cause i wanted to give her the poofiest big bursting flames ponytail like those poofy hairs back in the 80s that were popular at that time! And come on her name is Glowburst! Her flames gotta be “bursting” from those “glowing” hues of flames of her’s!!

And the future look i just sort of mismatched both the past and present look since i feel like Glowburst would definitely want to look like back when she was in her past look but with how she’s grown she’s now matured better then her past, and hey blue ain’t a bad color for her just that she never took care of herself that she pretty much neglected her paint till it’s faded so i thought a more vibrant color of the blue symbolizes that she’s now healing since she’ll maybe reunited with her conjunx and now has met Nebula plus having grandkids so she’s a happy elderly now! Also i thought of Glowburst getting accesories that MC made since i thought that Glowburst would love to experiment with her looks plus 80s have some over the top exaggerated accesories so why not? Plus the transformation that i saw with the femmes in G1, their vehicle modes usually only have their chest and thigh parts showing on the outside so i believe that the accesories could work! Plus i mean there’s no way they haven’t figured out how to make accesories right? They already figured out spacebridge portals to teleport them threw galaxies and even multiverses but they couldn’t figure out how to make accesories for fun?

I’ll probably update on her design in the future cause i feel like Glowburst looks will be described more and who knows maybe i can add alittle more things in her design or just feels like that something could suit her more! This was a fun challenge tho, can’t wait to see what sire would look like so that i can make a draft blueprint for him too!

X - X - X - X - X

If anyone is curious and wants to read the fanfic that i’ve been rambling above on the fanart i made, here’s the link to the fic made by a lovely friend of mine!

Spring (the author) works hard to make this lovely work of theirs so please give them some love kay! They’ve been really sweet to answer my questions on what Glowburst looks like and oh darn are they just so sweetly patient with me cause i wanted to not miss a detail of Glowburst’s design since this is an old oc she made that she hasn’t even drawn yet so i wanted to give her design the justice it deserves!! Man can’t wait when Glowburst’s mystery gets revealed along with her conjunx!! I’m so excited!!

[acourtofthought]

This is the new argument from e/riels:

"Yes Lucien was feisty and powerful and sassy and funny in the first book, and that personality slowly started to fade in book 2. This happened because Lucien was originally supposed to be Nesta's mate, but then SJM changed her mind. Lucien slowly became a shadow of his old self to the point where he barely exists in the story. Yes it can partially be attributed to trauma, but he had lived through immense trauma already at the start of book one and still managed to be his foxy, witty self. This is because he will not be a lead in Elain's book or any book. SJM is purposefully downgrading him because he is not meant to fill the role of MMC. She realized that Azriel and Elain have much more chemistry, hence the famous statement about how sometimes she puts two characters together and they just won't work. She left readers a hint about the fact that she was doing this: 'Why make them mates? What if that is what she needs?' using Feyre's words."

What are your thoughts on this?

My thoughts? There will be many 😂

Feyre also said Az would probably never stop loving Mor.

Feyre also told Elain that Lucien cared for her and that he was a good male.

Feyre also once considered Ianthe a friend.

I don't think Feyre's word is one they want to get hung up on.

Lucien did experience trauma in book 1 however the majority of that trauma, the things that impacted him on a bone deep level, happened to him centuries prior. Lucien's main source of trauma in book 1 (to me) was not when Amarantha permanently scarred him but when he lost Jesminda and was chased out of Autumn after having spent years being tormented by Beron and his brothers. But he found some semblance of peace with Tamlin. Was he truly content? Not really but he had a friend, a place in Tamlin's court, the people of Spring looked to him to set the example (friends and purpose, sounds familiar, right?). Despite his past he had still had enough time to settle into his sassiness because his life was somewhat consistent.

However book 2 changed all that. Tamlin and his court began to suffer as a result of what happened during and after UTM. There was the added fear of what Rhys was possibly doing to Feyre and how that affected both he and Tamlin. The stability (illusion of?) he had grown accustomed too (even during Amarantha's reign), began to crumble and the threat of a war was pressing down on them all.

Should Lucien have remained sassy while worrying his friend and his other friends fiance was being tortured? Should he have been feisty knowing they were preparing to ally with the KoH in order to try and get her back? While his friend had taken to threatening him? While his friend was falling apart? While being sexually harassed by Ianthe than having to perform the Rite with her? It's funny how they claim Gwyn won't be ready to leave the library in her book or for sex with Az years after her SA but expect Lucien to be an absolute hoot while his was going on.

Should he then have been sassy knowing that Feyre was plotting the downfall of Tamlin in book 3? After finding out that his lost mate wasn't actually his mate and that his real mate had been taken by his enemy? Should he have been cracking jokes after his magic was stolen and he nearly died trying to fight his way to Elain's side to make sure she was alright? Should he have then been the life of the party while surrounded by multiple characters treating him like dirt in the NC?

Should he be witty and fun and snarky upon the realization that he had no place to go except the human lands after the war? When Tamlin gave him a black eye and cut lip?

SJM isn't putting Lucien through all of this so Az can lead a book with Elain. SJM is putting Lucien through all this so he becomes the ultimate underdog story. In an interview, someone specifically asked SJM if we were going to see the return of sassy Lucien and she said something along the lines of, "I hope so, he's going through a lot right now." The author knows exactly what she's doing with his character and it's not because he's being downgraded. Downgraded men don't get an upgrade to their father and Court they belong to. Downgraded men don't have the author confirming (after ACOMAF had already been written, the book she made Elain and Lucien mates) that Lucien has always been one of her favorite characters. Downgraded men don't school Cassian in his own book with a single word.

"Easy," Lucien said.

Cassian snarled.

"Easy," Lucien repeated, and flame sizzled in his russet eye. The flame, the surprising DOMINANCE within it, hit Cassian like a stone to the head, knocking him from his need to kill and kill and kill whatever might threaten -

If the author wanted us to believe that Elain and Lucien have no chemistry than she would not have had any reason to have Elain ignore him. Instead they would have shared many conversations on page and we would have seen that lack of chemistry playing out in real time. Instead she had Elain cut off communication with Lucien the second she no longer mourned for Graysen to the extent she once did. That's because a single Elain is an Elain that's going to fall in love with Lucien way too quickly, an Elain who shares very obvious chemistry with him and that can't happen before their book.

[etherealhoneybee777]

The Tragedy of Teru: An Unnecessarily Long Thesis

I’ve seen some people ask: why the sudden change in Teru? Why did he suddenly go from a total menace who was okay with choking Mob to unconsciousness to a good guy/best friend type whose moral axis now completely revolves around Mob? I’ve seen some people claim that Teru’s redemption was so sudden that it’s unconvincing.

I don’t think the redemption was a sudden shift in Teru’s character. Actually, it’s the most natural progression for him. Consider Teru’s life circumstances. His parents completely abandoned him with no remorse. It wasn’t even because of Claw, they were just “busy” and moved overseas. He has no one to look after him at home. His relationships at school are largely superficial. He probably has severe attachment issues because of childhood neglect. He has no connections, no one truly rooting for him.

It’s an extremely shitty situation—but Teru convinces himself that he’s okay. In fact, he’s better than okay. He’s doing great. He’s doing the best because he’s better than everyone else—he has psychic powers, he’s popular, he’s talented in pretty much everything. Why would he need people to love and care for him when he has everything else “average” people dream of?

And so Teru’s entire emotional state revolves around a shaky thesis: that he’s better than everyone else. The main character. Main characters don’t need families. They don’t need love and support. Teru’s too superior for those things. And he HAS to be superior, because if he’s not, if he’s like everyone else, then he has to acknowledge the facts: that his parents left him, that there’s no clear cut purpose for his life, he’s completely alone, and there’s nothing he can do about it.  

If Teru’s the main character, then trauma and abandonment are just part of a tragic backstory---necessary hardships that will pave the way for all the great and superior things that Teru is destined to do. Whereas “average” people don’t have tragic backstories. When “average” people are abused and abandoned, it’s not part of some epic tale. It’s just sad. If Teru’s average, then the trauma is meaningless. Purposeless. 

And the weight of that is just too much for him to bear.

And so he dates girls he doesn’t like, and he cheats on tests, and he wins at sports, and he runs a gang. And he copes. For a while, it works.

And then it doesn’t.

Enter Shigeo Kageyama.

Mob’s existence rocks Teru’s world. The idea that there’s another natural child esper as powerful as him shatters his core belief that psychic powers made him the main character. Not only that, but Mob withstands all of Teru’s attacks, and refuses to fight back--a move that Teru finds insulting.

When Mob insists that psychic powers are average, and that Teru’s average, Teru is enraged. (“You’re the only one who can make that point. And that’s why your very existence pisses me off!”)

Finally Mob puts the nail in the coffin: “You and I are the same. We both have no self-confidence.” Up until this point, I believe that NO ONE has genuinely seen through Teru like Mob does, or, at least, they didn’t point it out. Mob sees Teru for who he is: a sad and insecure kid with no real connections. And THAT’S what makes Teru put him in a chokehold.

In a move of infinite kindness, Mob refuses to use his powers against Teru. Only when Mob is knocked unconscious are his true powers revealed. Teru then sees how outmatched he was from the very beginning, and how intentional Mob’s pacifism was towards him.

Teru did nothing but try to hurt Mob, but Mob refused to hurt him back. This is probably the most intentional love and care Teru’s received in a long time.

It’s a turning point. Because here’s the thing about Teru: he latches on to any gesture of genuine kindness and holds onto it for dear life. Mob’s kindness is enough to make Teru completely reject his old ideals.

Teru’s emotional state depended on the idea that he’s superior, but now that this belief has been dismantled, he needs a new life purpose to fill the vacuum, something else to distract from the loneliness in his life. And Mob has given Teru a new purpose: to be a good person. A kind person. Teru wants to be Kageyama’s rival—not in terms of psychic power—but in terms of kindness. (That’s why Teru claims to have won against ???% even though he’s clearly overpowered. He was talking about winning a contest of kindness, about repaying the kindness Mob showed him when they met by refusing to use his psychic powers to hurt ???%---even when ???% was hurting him).

So, Teru’s new purpose: kindness and doing good for the world. It’s a good purpose to have. And Teru is good at being kind. He risks his life to fight Claw just because he cares about Mob. He takes down Claw’s splinter organizations all on his own. He fills in at spirits and such for probably negligible pay when Mob trains for the race. He gives advice. He practices intentional humility (sometimes). He always says thank you.

And, of course, he puts his life on the line to stop ???%’s rampage and get through to Mob. He almost dies to save every last civilian.

Teru is good at being good. He is the type of person who spins every stray thread of kindness he receives into gold. He multiplies every rare gesture of love tenfold. It’s a beautiful example of how the human spirit can withstand so much neglect and agony and evil and still come out good in the end. Teru’s name means “brilliance,” and his whole character is about shining a brilliant light into the darkness that surrounds him.

As much as I’d like to believe that’s the whole picture, it’s not. There’s a darker, sadder side to Teru’s redemption

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that Teru cares about his friends very much and is a genuinely kind and good person. BUT that’s not the only reason he’s kind and good. I believe that Teru is so obsessed with being good/putting Mob on a pedestal because “being good” is his new coping mechanism.

See, his coping mechanism before was being superior and having refined psychic powers. But, since Kageyama dismantled that, he found a new purpose: being good. And he uses the pursuit of being good to distract from his empty apartment, neglectful parents, and lack of personal connections.

And isn’t there something so utterly heartbreaking about that? Think about Teru single-handedly taking down all of Claw’s splinter organizations. Think of him spending constant hours refining his psychic powers to be able to beat the bad guys. Going into the forest to meditate to “improve” himself. Training the awakening lab kids. Working out until he is more ripped than any 13-year-old should be. All of it, he probably enjoys, but is it not also a distraction? Is he doing these things solely to become better or also to busy himself and fill the days? Anything to not be by himself, tiny and alone in an empty apartment with strange noises and the bleak reality that there is no one, no one who will even know if Claw sneaks into his house and kills him.

Teru is a tragic character. At the beginning of the story, he is a menace who is completely alone. He is then redeemed. He orients his life towards being good--and gains some meaningful connections, but at the end of the story, Teru is still functionally alone most of the time. Though they care for each other very much, Mob and Teru don’t really hang out in canon. (Fanbook) They’re not even on a first name basis. Teru comes by Reigen’s office sometimes, but not often. He still has no one at home to care for him.

At the end of it all,—months and months later—Teru still has to ask for the occasional hang out with Mob. He is sipping tea sadly when Mob talks about his friendship with Tsubomi, jealous. And then he will go home to an empty apartment, alone. There is no one to take care of him when he is sick. There is no one to discipline him, or tell him “no,” or to prepare him for his first date, or to help him apply for college.

And doesn’t that go against the usual abandoned child narrative? Where the abandoned and neglected child ends the story with so many deep connections and so much love pouring into them that they can barely breathe? Where is that love for Teru? He is doing everything right. He is repaying all of the love and kindness he has ever received, so why is he still alone?

Teru never talks about any friendships besides Mob or adult influences besides Reigen. I truly believe Teru is still relying on his sparse interactions with Mob and Reigen to stay afloat emotionally. And he’s not used to kindnesses---when Reigen takes him to the amusement park, he’s overly thankful (”Reigen-san, you went to all this trouble”) And Teru literally idolizes Mob for the kindness Mob has given him. But this is kind of heartbreaking too.

No child should have to subsist on stray inklings of love and support. Love should not be a limited resource. One of the reasons that Teru treasures kindnesses so much is because he knows that gestures of love towards him are few and far between.

It’s no life for a kid. Teru should have a support system that gives him so much love casually that he’s not afraid to let it slip through his fingers. He shouldn’t have to be overly thankful for kind gestures, he doesn’t have to say “you went to all this trouble,” after someone takes him on a fun summer excursion. Teru should be loved so much that he forgets to say thanks. Love should be an expectation, not just a treasure.

Maybe this is why I’m constantly reading fics where Teru is adopted or where he spends a lot of time with the Kageyamas. Because in canon (especially manga canon), Teru’s ending is incredibly tragic. I really love the way ONE wrote him, and I’m not complaining about the ending---I think it’s great. But I want to see this boy happy. There’s something so sad about someone who loves so much but never gets what they deserve. 

But fanfiction exists! So write him having happy moments. Write Teru at the water park. Write Teru being hugged by Reigen before his graduation. Write him planting a tree. Write him having his first kiss in the rain. Write him going to cosmetology school and becoming a hairdresser. Write Reigen saving up for Teru’s college fund. 

Write Teru experiencing all of the love and joy and beautiful things because he deserves them. I will read all of your fic just put it in my inbox. I will do anything to see this boy be loved.

[insert-witty-user-name-here]

WIP Wednesday

Hello, it’s me- the angst fairy- back again with something needlessly angsty. I was reminded recently about a scene I’d deleted from an old fic of mine. No regrets about deleting, it was the right decision, but I was sad to cut it. B-15 deserves more character analysis. So sharing it now.

Tagging just a few folks who I don’t think will mind the angst but anyone else who sees this and wants to participate in sharing their art or writing- please do! 💚 (And please tag me in your posts so I don’t miss it) @loki-is-my-kink-awakening @lgwilt @dewdropreader

Deleted scene from a fic where Mobius is trying to ignore his trauma but the memories of those he’s pruned keep on coming. B-15 helps him through it. (I noticed on B-15’s Funko Pop that she tracked her kills on her helmet and decided, as I do, there’s an angsty story there.)

Verity stopped and opened a small door to their left, pulling Mobius inside an empty room.

“I thought you said we were running late to another meeting?”

“There’s no meeting,” she said. “Just looked like you needed a break from the briefing. Take a minute.”

Mobius nodded and let his head fall against the door behind him, relishing the feeling of cool metal against his skin. It was quiet. There were no glaring lights, no beeping machines, no questions he didn’t know the answer to. Mobius took a few steady breaths until the headache pounding in his head subsided. He opened his eyes to find Verity watching him closely.

“Thanks,” Mobius said, pushing himself from the door and straightening his tie. “I feel better. Don’t tell Loki he was right. He warned me that a meeting on numerical code methodology for new timelines would put me to sleep.”

He turned to share a laugh with Verity but her face didn’t show any amusement. Instead, she looked concerned.

“I don’t think this was as simple as you falling asleep in a meeting,” she said carefully.

Mobius stilled. He had hoped his episodes weren’t noticeable but he should have known he wouldn’t be able to keep them from Verity. She was smart. It’s why he named her Deputy Director.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked after a few moments of silence.

Flashes of a park on a sunny day, a couple laughing, a timestick in his hand, a scream of terror, and a case file— variants eliminated— sped through Mobius’ mind before they were gone.

“No… I don’t remember what I was thinking about,” Mobius answered honestly. It was probably for the best he didn’t remember.

Verity frowned. “You shouldn’t repress your memories.”

Mobius slumped back against the door with a groan. She was right. While they still didn’t quite understand what the TVA had done to them, they were beginning to understand how they could heal their broken minds. Mobius knew the steps a TVA worker should take when they felt their memories resurface —he’d help write the protocol— but it was time consuming. For an organization that existed outside time, Mobius sure felt they were constantly running out of it. He didn’t have time to practice the techniques he’d taught others.

“There are too many cases that need my attention right now,” Mobius said.

“You need to offload some of those. I keep telling you-”

“I know, I know. I will. I just need to get through this Mandarin case first.”

“And then?” Verity pressed.

“And then I’ll take a few days off and sort through some of this… stuff.

Verity gave a disbelieving huff.

“I will.”

A heavy silence fell between the two agents and Mobius looked at the room around them. They were in one of the storage rooms that used to hold confiscated variants’ possessions. Without the stolen artifacts filling the shelves, the room seemed hollow. Purposeless. Mobius didn’t know what he was supposed to do with it in the reallocation.

“You’re not the only one who’s struggling,” Verity whispered. Her voice was soft, so soft that even in the silence of the abandoned room Mobius hardly heard her. At first, he wasn’t sure she intended to speak the words out loud.

“That’s how I knew you were having an episode,” she continued, twiddling with the cufflinks on her new suit in an uncharacteristic show of nerves. “I get these… headaches sometimes. Everything blurs together and I can’t remember where or when I am. It’s like I’m lost in my memories or, no, it’s like I’m trapped… trapped by him again… like we never escaped.”

Verity clenched her eyes shut with a sharp inhale of breath as if she were trapped inside a memory right now and Mobius reached out, taking her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. He knew how terrifying it was to be stuck in your memories, to feel like you were back under his control. They may have defeated He Who Remains but he was still here. He always would be. There was no amount of running they could do to escape him entirely. It made Mobius feel weak. He hated thinking Verity felt the same.

“Did you know I used to track kills on my helmet?” Verity asked.

Mobius nodded. He remembered. His memories might be splintered but he remembered enough. He remembered what they were a part of.

“I hated that thing,” she scowled. “I hated that number printed on the side. The paint was fresh when I started but sometimes I swore I could see the etchings of another number. The number of whoever I replaced when they were deemed ineffective. I wondered how long it would be before they replaced me.

“I thought if I marked my helmet as my own, if I made it look different, I would feel better. They wouldn’t paint over it so easy. I thought if I pruned more than anyone else, I could prove to the Timekeepers that I was better than everyone else in my unit. That I would feel useful, good, like what I was doing mattered but-” Verity’s voice cracked and Mobius squeezed her hand tighter. “I only ever felt more angry. So, I pruned more hoping that feeling would go away. It never did. It just kept getting worse and worse and worse until…” Verity trailed off.

“Until Sylvie,” Mobius finished.

“Until Sylvie,” Verity agreed, wiping her eyes and pulling back with a soft smile on her face. “Sylvie showed me everything I lost and suddenly it all made sense. I knew why I hated that number. I knew why I woke up furious at the world, looking to punish anyone who got in my way. It’s because that number wasn’t my name. Who they made me wasn’t me.

“They took everything from us and while we can’t travel back in time and change what was done, we can change our future. We have the opportunity to fight for something we believe in now. Sylvie and Loki gave us that.”

Warmth spread through Mobius as the mention of Loki’s name. He looked down at the ring on his left hand and smiled, running his finger along the band again. He would never understand how he’d gotten so lucky; he would do everything in his power to be the man Loki believed him to be.

“You gave us this opportunity too,” Verity added. “When we burnt down our old TVA, you built a new one and you didn’t dictate a new purpose but rather showed us what a new purpose could be. We chose to follow you. We choose this life. And…” Mobius felt Verity give his hands a gentle squeeze. “You don’t need to carry it alone. We want to help you.”

Mobius carefully untangled his hands from Verity’s and took a step backwards. “I know.”

“Good,” Verity nodded with an air of finality. “At least let Loki help you. I don’t know what’s going on between you two but he’s started helping me with my cases.”

Mobius snorted. He could only imagine how that was going.

“It’s not funny, Mobius. He’s driving me nuts. You need to let him return to smothering you otherwise I might just send him to the Void without his TemPad.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Mobius chuckled at Verity’s hollow threat. “I’ll talk to him. Now, come on. I think we both deserve a little treat after all this. Let’s see what Processing confiscated today.”

Verity hesitated. “Mobius, I don’t care how many different variations you force me to try, I’m not going to like any timeline’s Josta.”

“What?? After all that talk about hope and change. One day I am going to find you a Josta you like. But no, I actually wasn’t talking about Josta this time. I heard Processing just got back with a case full of strawberry margarita mix. If that interests you.”

Verity’s face lit up in a brilliant smile. “Now, you’re speaking my language. Lead the way, Director. Josta aside, I’ll follow you anywhere.”

I’ll follow you anywhere.

Mobius’ steps faltered as he swallowed over the lump of fear in his throat at the words. Verity and the entire TVA would follow him. They were depending on him to show them the way, to fix things and Mobius couldn’t let them down. He wouldn’t.

Okay, I’ll write something fluffy and cute for next time. I promise I do know how to write sweet things 😅

[olderthannetfic]

I have a question. I’m new to the discourse around fanfiction & censorship, so I was curious about what the general consensus regarding fic about underaged characters in live action media was. Underage is my biggest squick, but I feel pretty neutral about how people write/draw smut of cartoon characters, as they barely register as human for me. Characters played by actual child actors though… I guess I’m just wondering what’s going through the heads of people who write that stuff? Or minor rpf for that matter. What is appealing about it? I’m willing suspend my disbelief & accept that they don’t actually want to abuse kids, but like, what is fulfilling about that fantasy? I’m not in favor of censorship or arresting anyone over a fictional story, but I just can’t wrap my head around it.

--

That's quite a failure of imagination there, anon.

Other people are not you, and they don't necessarily have this squick. That's the main answer.

From people who don't try to problematize this, there isn't really any discourse. Fiction is fiction.

Cartoon characters register as people to plenty of viewers. (And moron antis think cartoon characters count just as much as live action ones when it comes to screaming about problematicness.) Actors playing teenagers are often in their 20s. Coming of age novels dealing with sexuality have been normal all over the world since forever.

--

But let's start with some low hanging fruit:

If you're 17 years + 364 days, you're below the age of consent lots of places. Do you, anon, honestly think it's weird to be into someone one day before their 18th birthday but not the day after? What if you live somewhere where the age of consent is 16? Is it still weird to be into 17-year-olds from places where the age of consent is 18?

Most people remember being teenagers. They may feel nostalgic. They may want to imagine the nice teenage experiences they never got to have.

Lots of fic writers are currently teenagers. Not as many as ageist online spaces think, but still quite a lot. Is it weirder for a 15-year-old to have a crush on a 15-year-old than a 40-year-old?

"They looked 18, Your Honor" is a weak-ass excuse for fucking underage people in real life, but that's not the same as finding characters on your tv hot. Not only are the actors usually above 18 because filming underage actors is a fucking nightmare logistically due to work constraints, but a lot of younger actors are often made up in ways that make them look like they could be way older. People also vary widely in how they look at various ages.

If you can accept that lust exists and is valid, you can accept that lots of people will see some teen and think they're hot. There isn't some specific categorical difference in how all teenagers look and how all 20-somethings look.

Doing something about it in real life and doing something about it in fiction are different.

--

Now, as for "child actors", that term is used for a wide variety of ages, but let's assume you mean Stranger Things wank, like most people moaning about underage actor RPF do, so we're talking about tweens who genuinely do look pretty young to grown-ass adults.

The first thing I have to ask you is why the fuck you would imagine that writers identify with some adult fucking these kids? It's far, far more likely that they identify with the characters themselves or the actors.

Why would they identify with them? It could be anything from working through their own trauma at a similar age to just liking the vibe of a character because of how the show is written.

Lots of people's brains barf out dark scenarios 24/7 without them ever having experienced any major trauma and without it meaning anything much. Some people channel that into fiction.

If you are a boring person who has both a vanilla brain and no imagination, this might seem surprising to you, but it shouldn't.

--

Moreover, your ask implies that underage fic is highly sexual or maybe coercive or something, but you haven't actually stated that. Are we talking about rapefic of 5-year-olds or about someone writing the Stranger Things characters holding hands?

Are you just not sexual at all, anon? Personally, I went from zero to MEGA HORNY at thirteen and a half. It was like a switch flipped. Sure, I wasn't getting any action because I was a zit-covered and socially incompetent 13-year-old, but I was definitely interested.

It's not strange that an artist or author of whatever sort would explore puberty in their art. It's not strange that they'd remember their own sexual awakening or that this awakening would be long before age 18.

It's also not strange if people write super dark shit about small children because it being extreme and taboo and horrible is often the point of art.

--

You're "willing to suspend disbelief"? How magnanimous! How generous!

Seriously, anon?!

The way you've phrased this question makes it sound like you have a brain the size of a walnut.

Would you ask such a stupid question in such an offensively loaded manner about all the coming of age novels that are considered Great Literature™? Would you ask why YA exists?

And if you wouldn't, why is it that amateur writing by women and sexual minorities makes you nervous when mainstream-approved things don't?

[laurasauras]

rose lalonde. that's it, that's the question.

isn't it just! god i love rose.

it's that she's one of those girls who pretends she has it all together, who thinks she's worth more because she is witty and can come up with brilliant burns exactly on cue, but she's also the girl who pretended her cat could talk to her and who would pretend to have a magnetic W as a mustache and is 13 and was probably making potions in the mud with a stick last week.

she's as cool and calm as a forest pond, and you know there are depths there but you assume those depths are things like "can commune with gods (really)" and "maybe she's telling the truth when she says she's read proust". and then you're 14 and so is she and you're finding out that the depths are "she learned how to cope with being bored and isolated and doomed from a mother she maybe shouldn't have forgiven".

and oh, i have all the pity in the world for momlonde. how awful to be put on this planet to raise a child who will end the world before creating a new one? how could you make friends under those circumstances, knowing they would all die because of what the universe has planned for your little girl? how could you sleep at night knowing that at the very least she'll be traumatised, but it's much more likely that she'll just be dead.

but rose didn't know any of that.

rose just knew that her mother wasn't around, not even to make sure she had the capacity to feed herself, let alone making sure that she was.

she knew that if she screamed that she wanted to kill herself or jammed needles in a (dead) powerpoint, her mother wouldn't talk to her, but she might be given a pony or something.

she knew that the only time her mother was around was when she was drunk, and when she was drunk she would be able to tell rose that she loved her and that she was perfect, and maybe she was merry or maybe she was crying but whatever it was, it was fucking hard to trust. because being sober next to a drunk person's sincerity is unbearable. you know that if they weren't drunk they wouldn't be crying or saying all of that, so it doesn't fucking count. and if you were so perfect and loved, then why would she even need to drink. you're 10 years old and you're supposed to be the centre of your mother's whole life, but you're not and you never have been. you're just the inconvenient kid she remembers when her breath stinks and she can't pronounce your name anymore.

and when you're 14 and she's dead and you're staring at the code you found while trying to make apple juice for someone who is your family (but you can't express your love for him), you remember being 4 and standing in her high heels, your ankles barely poking out of the toe of the shoe. and now they fit pretty damn well.

you're on a journey you can't speed up, knowing that at the end of all this bullshit that doesn't matter the people closest to you might be hurt, might be dead, and the air smells just a little bit doomed ... and in that golden window after two drinks but before five, your mom was charming and funny and beautiful, and she could actually say what she felt. if you're going on your first date with a woman who might make the meaningless tedium worth it, maybe you could use a little of that.

BUT ROSE ISN'T JUST HER TRAUMA!

Rose Is The Flame I Am Drawn To. She Makes Me Feel More Alive Just By Glancing At Me. I Am Bewitched By Her Intelligence And Electrified By Her Humour And Devoted To Her, Just Her, Everything That She Is

rose acts like shes a princess and like the rest of us should feel grateful that she even notices we exist but when you get down to it no one carries a bit like her. she matches me every goddamn step no matter what and she gets what its like to care without making some kind of deal about it

rose is just kind of a dork. it's funny how everyone thinks she's scary. okay, so in a battle between chuck norris and rose lalonde, chuck is going home crying about his kicked nuts and his mommy issues, but just because rose is badass doesn't mean she isn't also the kind of girl who snorts milk through her nose laughing at me pretending to be a walrus with breadsticks. last week. we are 40.

(dear god i'm sorry about the inaccuracy of those text colours, it hurts me too)

so yeah. rose lalonde. that's it, that's the answer.

[do-i-look-like-a-doctor]

okay but the Naruto universe is so fucking weird yet funny if you explain it and question it.

first, you have this lil orphan broke kid ninja boy named after a fishroll. then, you have an emo kid who acts like he got parents and a good way in life despite the fact he’s equally as much of an orphan as Mr. Broke-Blonde-Bitch. THEN you have this normal chick with pink hair who signed up for absolutely none of this nonsense yet got dragged into it. tell me why it’s these three against the world yet none of them can function together? it’s like watching ferrets hyped up on PCP fight over raw spaghetti noodles. dont even get me started when they were in school together, i can bet every person here 6 cents that at some point Sakura aka Ms. Fuckall got tired of Naruto and Sasuke’s bullshit and just tried to abandon them at an animal shelter.

speaking of school and general tomfoolery, why was the dude in charge of these three young squishy brained freaks the most depressed 20 something year old creature on the planet? i will admit, Kakashi is attractive and a great dude. he is so iconic, he misses his old team, and it’s clear he wanted best for his Group of Weird Children but he also reads porn all day and his mask probs smells like cheap aftershave.

if i was a 13 year old ninja child and i saw my sensai (who’s name sounds like cashew) doing all that i’d assume im either about to learn a sick ass skill (how to not cope with emotional trauma properly) or im about to get my ass handed to me. or im about to dropout.

back on track. so you’ve got orphan #1, orphan #2, Ms. Get-Me-Out-Of-Here, and Emotionally Repressed Man in one team. what do the kids do? beef for like 3048384 episodes. what does Kakashi do? try to teach them the power of friendship the entire damn series. oh, and let’s not forget that Naruto apparently has a demon fox inside him because of course he does.

anyways, once the team gets good at teaming they haul off to take their lil ninja exams. who do they meet? some kid named Gaara with smudged eyeliner and shaved brows. he’s a red-head, that’s cute. oh and he can control sand and tries to kill every child in the exams because his dad is a piece of shit hipster. who else do they meet? a kid named Rock Lee who can kick really hard, a girl named Tenten who wishes for all of us to stfu, and poor Neji who can’t keep doing this. there’s also some guy named Guy. yeah, the chunin exams nearly flop because Gaara doesn’t know how to act right.

all this is happening but the pivotal of it all? Sasuke decides to be extra emo and FUCKS OFF TO KILL HIS HALF BLIND SICKLY OLDER TWINK BROTHER.

then, Naruto decides he wants to harness his powers and FUCKS OFF WITH AN OLD ASS BUSHY HAIRED MAN WHO WRITES PORN. Jiraiya needs to be studied on a microscopic spiritual level. he is why SCP’s exist.

who let these kids out? i told you all not to feed the animals and look what happened. now theres beef between a group of kids and the akatsuki.

oh and the akatsuki?? don’t get me started. wtf is that. why is this group of fucked up people with weird powers who are being led by a ginger hive mind of corpses just wandering around? and why is Weasel, aka Itachi, in the middle of it with his goofy explosive hypnotic eyeballs? i want them all put down.

so you’ve got the evil eldirch horrors in the streets. thats fine. Naruto gets put into a new gang cuz Kakashi has to hospitalized. cool, whatever. Naruto decides to start hutning down his rogue boyfriend alongside Sakura, who became a sickass ninja doctor, along with his new sensei Yamato. wonderful… THEN SOME BITCH NAMED SAI SHOWS UP.

DO NOT GET ME STARTED.

what is that? why is it emo? why is its tongue tattooed? put it back outside bro i stg. i love him so much.

everything is just everywhere in this anime bro I can’t. Sasuke is no where to be seen, Naruto is doing fuckall across the world with his groupie, Kakashi is lowkey sad again cuz his kids are gone, and Sakura can barely breathe without issues occurring.

not just that but the twink brother named Weasel is being stupid and enables his own murder. yeah he basically wants Sasuke to come for his ass. meanwhile, Naruto comes home bigger, better, older but still broke and full of fox demon. still, not a single soul except his friends and teachers like him. shit gets even more wild, it becomes knock-off Cheetah Girls vs. The World.

girl i gotta go before i hurt someone. see yall in part 2.

(all of this is heavily unedited, apologies for mistakes)

[namig42]

Was chatting with my lovely mutual @mortalasystem about my Wyllstarion fic Just One Yesterday and some of the inspo that got me started on it, and I thought why not share those things with people who might be looking for good recs? With that, here are some of the biggest inspirations for my super involved story!

Friday Nights by @sadinasaphrite

So the first and probably most prominent inspiration for a modern au is this wonderful Bloodweave fic called Friday Nights over on ao3. I really loved the chemistry between Gale and Astarion in this one, and Gale's perspective was very interesting, especially with the mix of magic still in this au. Wonderfully written, very considerate of Astarion's circumstances as a sex worker, and a happy ending to wrap it all up nicely!

Read it on Ao3

Sex worker/Charity worker Halstarion AU by @malacandrax

This comic has nine parts as of now that are all little snippets of Halsin being a concerned social worker and Astarion as a sex worker in a 70s/80s UK setting. OP really took a lot of consideration writing this one and portraying realistic steps that someone in Astarion's situation could take, and I love how they really captured both characters so well. The progression between the Astarion and Halsin is really nicely done, even in such small snippets. 11/10, definitely recommend.

Link to Part 1 here

Perfect Slaughter by @imagineitdearies

This is a Tavstarion fic that honestly captivated me so much from beginning to end. It's a long form fic that is incredibly compelling and is an alternate au prequel to the events of BG3. Tyrus, the protagonist, is a very compelling original character, and his relationship with Astarion in the hell that is Cazador's palace was so well crafted. This was the story that had me wanting to explore more relationships with Astarion in my own writing, focus on dark topics and give them the respect they deserve such as trauma, abuse, and torture, and try my own hand at writing something long form. It's gotten a great deal of praise, all of which is well deserved, and I cannot recommend it enough.

Read it on Ao3

The funny thing about my Wyllstarion thing was that there was actually very little Wyllstarion inspiration. I saw some good art here and there on tumblr, but not very much at the time. My dash was mostly bloodweave if anything. Still, there was just enough of an inkling in my head of Wyll and Astarion, and then a dumbass idea came to me one day.

I wrote it in the first chapter's notes on Ao3, but the thing that kicked this multi chapter obsession into gear was...

Just One Yesterday by Fall Out Boy

A song off a ten year old album. That's what did it. Specifically the lyrics:

Anything you say can and will be held against you,

So only say my name. It will be held against you.

Those two lines had my brain swimming with a one-shot smut fic of a police officer Wyll and a sex worker Astarion, but a one shot wasn't enough for the romantic that is Wyll. I couldn't write him having a first meeting kind of fling. I wrote out the original one shot idea, let it sit for a couple months, and then suddenly, something clicked in my brain and the whole thing took off from there.

Still, without this lyric, the story wouldn't exist at all. Honestly, going back and listening to the whole song after everything I've written so far, I think it's a fitting title and song in its own way. Highly recommend giving it a listen if you aren't familiar!

---

That's all the big ones. If other things come to mind that I missed, I'll reblog this and add onto it. In the meantime, I highly recommend checking these things out and showing the artists some love! Thanks for taking the time to read, and I hope you found something new to enjoy!

[forthegothicheroine]

Do you have any thoughts about how to do fascism in Arthuriana? Like partially inspired by T.H. White I was thinking of writing Lucius as a sort of combination of a 30s Dictator and the crusading ideal that you get in Medieval literature, which of course looks quite repugnant by today's standards.

I've been turning this over in my head for a few days as it's a very interesting question! To start, let me talk about two versions that did it to different ends.

As you mentioned, in The Once and Future King, Mordred becomes a Hitler (or British fascist) analogue, and predicates his rise to power on persecuting Jews and Moors. I wasn't sure how I felt about this at first, but after thinking it over, I realized that World War II was the defining trauma of White's generation, and if he's going to write about a political faction destroying Britain and plunging it into apocalyptic war, how could they not be fascists? (Plus I got a fanfic out of it.)

On the other hand, in the 2004 King Arthur movie, which I actually overall enjoyed, they made Cerdic the Saxon their fascist villain. He orders all the Celtic women killed so that his men won't breed with them and produce more of their disgusting race...which, if you know anything about the Saxon invasion, is more or less the opposite of how it went. It's like a darker version of the 'tightlacing into dresses without waists' scene in Bridgerton- I'm not a stickler for historical accuracy, but I need it to at least make sense in the world that's being presented to me on screen.

So, what's the deal with fascism? I'll let Umberto Eco give the greater picture, but when I think of fascist villains, I think of three things- an "us" who is great, a "them" who are simultaneously weak and strong, and a mythic "good old days" that never really existed. Given that Arthuriana is a mishmash of time periods and ethnic groups as it is, you have a lot to choose from, both in terms of making it make sense in universe, and in terms of it feeling resonant to a 21st century reader.

If Lucius is your villain (a good choice, I think, he's not used as much as he could be) then you're positioning the "us" as either Rome or Italy. I say "either" because Malory et al had him as an anachronistic Roman emperor, but the Squires Tales series made the interesting choice of him being an Italian prince styling himself the modern Caesar. I'm not Italian, but I think this is something that politicians from Mussolini to Berlusconi have tried to position themselves as to some extent, so I think there's room to explore there.

If "us" is Rome, then "them" must be wherever they're trying to conquer. If you've ever played Fallout New Vegas, the Cosplay Roman Fascists there have "The West" as their enemy, with speeches about how they're doing a great job unifying all the disparate tribes but are hindered by the "degenerates" of the NCR and New Vegas. There are certainly tribes to go around in the British isles, any of which could be your "them" or your "future us, once then kneel." The good old days were the height of the Empire, of course, and depending on whether your Lucius is a Catholic or a Roman pagan, he can call upon a huge history of grandiose mythology to support himself.

If Mordred is your villain, then both his mythic past and his "us" could harken back to the glory days of King Uther, back when the Britons were strong against the Saxons and kings were revered for their might, not their codes of honor. The song Fie on Goodness in Camelot is dark comedy because nobody really talks like that about themselves- but they could voice the same sentiments in different language. "Them" could be Jews and Moors as in T. H. White, but you can pick any influence from the Picts to the Gauls as the simultaneously weak and strong enemy who turned Arthur into a man too soft to lead.

"Uther was a barbarian because he stole another man's wife," Mordred might say, "but Arthur claims to be civilized because he gives his away!"

And then there's that old medieval standbye- the crusades. Just what the hell time period Arthuriana takes place in changes with the writer, but having your villain either outright be a Crusader King or modeling him on one would give you a chilling model to work with. Slaughter and pillage all who get in your way, and you can justify it with ideology. Send every available one of your own men and boys to their deaths and you can do the same. And if the war never ends, so much the better, as your wartime powers never go away.

Thank you for this question, and I'll be very eager to see what you come up with!

[transmothofaman]

Batfam AU

Okay so I have only come across one or two reverse!robin posts and don’t know how original these takes are. But whilst weeding i couldn’t help but think about the Batfam’s dynamics and how that would be altered, so I decided to dump a few hcs below (in order of appearance):

1. Duke Thomas: On paper, not much of his origin story really changes. Still has powers, is still Signal, still led something akin to the We Are Robin movement (except it wouldn’t be called that, because ‘Robin’ doesn’t exist yet), and still is part of The Outsiders. He is the first superhero/vigilante to really work with Batman on a regular basis, which of course is a struggle in of itself. He’s no sidekick by any means, but his help when needed becomes vital to Batman and helps the bat become more lenient to working with people.

2. Damian Al-Ghul Wayne: while Damian would have no older siblings constantly at the manor to be jealous of, I think his snobby attitude of instantaneously deserving the Batman mantle is something he still struggles with. He doesn’t really come up with a hero code-name for himself early on in his career (he thinks it’s beneath him); but goons and innocent civilians alike make comments about how he’s always lurking in the shadows and nickname him The Shadow. The nickname sticks, and many a joke can be made about Batman and his Shadow. (if anyone has a better hero name for Damian pls let me know)

3. Cassandra Cain (Wayne): her backstory and such remains the same, except she’s the one who created the mantle of Batgirl (which, of course, looks different from Barabra Gordon’s original batgirl). She’s the first of Bruce Wayne’s adopted children, and I personally don’t think their bond would differ any more than it would from canon. Because she’s introduced earlier in B’s life and can bring out a softer side of the dark knight, Batman’s relationship with the kids that follow are slightly shifted.

4. Timothy Drake: meets Batman because he kept trespassing on Wayne Manor property. Tim has been stalking Batman, figured out his identity, and wants to fill in the vacant spot left by a recently departed Damian [who either A) went rogue B) went off to partner with Jon or C) formed his version of the teen titans, dealer’s choice]. Batman, while comfortable enough with having Batgirl and Signal as assistance covering patrols or messy cases, is at first hesitant to have another constant “sidekick”, but eventually comes around to the idea. Tim would have his own cool name but I’m not that creative.

I didn’t want to dump Jason’s trauma on Tim now that he becomes the second son, but narratively I do think he would’ve ended up dying as well (if so, it’s because Joker Junior was fatal). Yes he ofc comes back, probably angry, but Tim is NOT Jason and will have different reactions/ ways to cope with that.

5. Stephanie Brown : Steph gets introduced mid-Tim’s sidekick run. I don’t think her lore would change much really, you’re doing great sweetie.

6. Jason Todd: Jason meets Batman the same way he meets him in canon, except this time Batman’s trying to cope with loosing Tim and his failed partnership with Stephanie (she’s killing it as Cass’ partner though), but decides to recruit and later adopt Jason anyways. Jason would take on Tim’s old mantle, but I think he would eventually carve out his own vigilante identity when he got older. He still becomes Red Hood after a very rough falling out with Bruce, but like in canon they’re slowly able to rebuild their relationship.

7. Dick Grayson: our boy wonder gets introduced in the same manor as in canon, he just does it later when Bruce has already gotten a bunch of kids. He still creates the outfit and mantle of Robin, and becomes Batman’s new main partner-in-crime fighting.

8. Barbara Gordon: Her overall dynamic with the other bats would change from canon (it would be her looking up to Cass and Steph rather than the other way around). I think she and Dick would have the same dynamic as in The Batman (2004).

I haven’t read every bat-related comic ever and would love to hear any thoughts/suggested changes you all have! Thanks for reading this monstrosity of a post!

[ghostinthegallery]

can you do "please hold me" for the prompts please?

Here it is! "Please hold me" from this list of prompts. Featuring Zahndrekh/Obyron and a little post-Severed trauma.

###

Obyron had endured hundreds of feasts. Thousands, maybe tens of thousands by now. Some in the time of flesh, most in the time of metal when there were no dishes nor full goblets save for in his master’s mind. Obyron hated them, but he had never once fled from the unpleasantness. Until now.

Obyron wished he could slam the door behind him. Instead it slid smoothly back into place, doing nothing to release the violent tide of emotions roiling in his flux. His heart should have been racing, his head swimming, his skin dotted with sweat. There was nothing. His living metal was pristine and he was still. If one were to look at him they might assume he was as mindless as his brethren. He wasn’t. Sometimes he cursed that fact.

Right now he cursed his weakness most of all.

Casual barbs at his expense from Sautekh lords were a reality of his position. The necron nobility had little to do but battle with their armies and battle with their wits, meager as the latter often were. In reality, they simply insulted each other. Their performance in campaigns, their palaces, their possessions…their soldiers.

“That one had a phalanx, didn’t it, Zahndrekh?” The lord had pointed to Obyron then. “Shame you never taught it proper tactics, otherwise it might have held onto them. Or perhaps your example was too poor.”

At that point, Obyron had faced a choice between leaving the feast or beating the noble to death.

He had managed to make his exit somewhat subtle. Found a lychguard to take his position at Zahndrekh’s side, circled the room as if he were simply patrolling. Then he left. This chamber was the first empty one he had found, scrying through the oculars of some nearby scarabs. The Yama had been built in the time of flesh, back when ships needed room to store provisions, beds, and life support. There were many unused sections to slip into. Perhaps this plain, dull silver room had once held necrontyr soldiers. Perhaps they had spoken here, reminisced, laughed, cried, lived. 

Obyron pressed his hand against his faceplate to try and drive the thoughts from his head. He could not stop the flood of images of the phalanx he had lost. Sabni, Pentesh, Neb. Dead gods, Neb who had asked to die at his side. Well he had gotten his wish, only Obyron had no idea if Neb had realized it in the end. What little existence they’d clung to had been erased on Doahht. Because of Obyron’s orders. So much had happened on that planet he’d barely had time to think about their loss. Part of him had even been relieved that their suffering was over. But still…they had died. And it had been his fault. 

Why? Why had his mind survived when theirs had not? Why was he standing here when they were reduced to nothing? Their bodies not entombed but repurposed to build new chassis for different soldiers? He had been no different from them. Born a soldier, promoted for good service and a stubborn ability to stay alive. Burned away body and soul. What had he done to earn existence while his friends had been condemned to mindless oblivion?

A knock on the door startled him. Damn the dead gods. He had let his circumspection protocols slip in order to fall into this pathetic malaise. 

“Obyron?” asked a cautious voice. “Are you in there, old friend?”

“My lord?” Obyron paused. Zahndrekh? He should have been entertaining his guests. “Has something happened?”

“No, no. That feast was just growing interminably dull. Might I…come in?”

Obyron was not sure how to respond. “It is your ship, lord nemesor.”

After a pause the door slid open, revealing Zahndrekh, whose arms were folded. “I was trying to be polite,” he said as he crossed the threshold. “Now, what ever is the matter?”

“Nothing.”

“You always were a terrible liar, Obyron.” Zahndrekh let the door close, trapping them together in the low, gauss-green light. 

Obyron shifted, grateful that his height let him look over Zahndrekh’s head so their oculars would not meet. “I apologize for leaving. I should not have—”

“None of that.” Zahndrekh held his finger up to what would have been Obyron’s lips. “Please, don’t make me guess. Tell me. What is wrong?”

A flash of despair tinged with anger washed over Obyron’s engrams. Zahndrekh could not possibly understand. He refused to see the horrors of biotransference, so he could not comprehend the weight of what Obyron’s phalanx had lost. Obyron could never tell his lord that they had not simply died. He alone had watched his friends fade into pale imitations of themselves, be dragged across thousands of battles, only to expire. He could not even offer himself that comfort that they were finally at rest because without souls he was not sure if they were.

And then to have that thrown back in his face at a dinner party—

“Obyron!”

Zahndrekh grabbed his hand. Obyron realized he had clenched his fist hard enough to crack his necrodermis. Already it was repairing, but seeing that shook him. He should have had more control. He should not have been this affected.

“I—” he stammered. “I don’t know what—”

”Here, sit with me.”

Gently but firmly, Zahndrekh dragged him down until he was kneeling on the floor. Obyron felt his legs give out from under him, as if the flux had ceased flowing to his motor actuators. Grief and guilt burned his insides like acid. 

“I never mourned them,” Obyron gasped. “I brought them to their deaths, yet I never did anything to remember them.”

“Your phalanx?” Zahndrekh shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Obyron. I should never have let that insult slide. It went too far.”

Obyron wished he could say that he did not care. He had no right to care. But those words had hit too close to the truth. He had not known what to do on Doahht without Zahndrekh. And yet he had not been the one to suffer for his incompetence. 

“I was the one who failed you then,” Zahndrekh said. “I bear more responsibility for their loss than you.”

That was perhaps true in the strictest sense, although it did little to assuage his guilt. The more he dwelt on it, though, the more he realized it was not simply grief that disturbed him now. Because if he was like them, if they had not been so different…

“Why have I been spared all this time?” he whispered, finally acknowledging something he had not wanted to speak aloud for years. Though his living metal form was more advanced than most soldiers’, even elites, he did not have the enhancements of a lord. “What if I share their fate? What if I fade away?”

He looked into Zahndrekh’s oculars at last, afraid he would find confusion or pity. He saw neither. For a moment he thought he saw understanding, although he could not be sure. There was so much about his nemesor he did not comprehend even after all this time.

“My dear vargard,” Zahndrekh said. “I am sorry I did not see your pain. You have been my shield for so long, it is too easy to forget that you are not just steel. That there are parts of you that  need protecting as well.” 

Zahndrekh’s hand moved slowly along Obyron’s amor until it settled over the place where once his heart had been. There was nothing there now but machinery. But Obyron’s chest still ached and his mind still reeled. And his body still reacted to the nemesor’s touch. The shoulder where Zahndrekh rested his hand was the only part of him that felt warm. The only part that didn't feel ready to crumble under the weight of everything.

“What can I do to protect you?” Zahndrekh asked. “How can I ease your pain?”

It went against all propriety and protocol. But they were alone. Who would it hurt if Obyron allowed himself one small comfort.

“I feel lost,” Obyron said. “I just want to…”

”Yes?”

”Please,” he said. “Hold me, my lord. For a moment.”

Before Obyron could think better of it, pull away, beg his lord’s pardon, Zahndrekh’s arms were around him. They struggled to fully wrap around his broad shoulders, so Zahndrekh pulled him close, buried Obyron’s face in the crook of his neck. He imagined the time of flesh, when Obyron would have been able to weep. His tears would have stained Zahndrekh’s robes.

Obyron clung to him. The lord that he did not understand and who did not understand him in turn. But that did not stop Zahndrekh from being Obyron’s anchor. His love, though it terrified him to even think the word. Yet what could he call it but love that kept him at Zahndrekh’s side? If someone offered Obyron an empire in exchange for this moment in Zahndrekh’s arms, he would have laughed in their face. It wasn’t a choice.

Perhaps that was all love really was.

“Would you like to tell me about them?” Zahndrekh asked after a long period of silence. “The comrades you lost?”

It would feel good to remember. To speak their names and their deeds and prove in some small way that they had lived. To finally allow himself to grieve and know that he would be heard.

”Yes,” Obyron said. “I would like that.”

[delta-lethonomia]

Tried to narrow it to a few and was not successful: 8, 10, 13, 16, 17

8. see last post!

9. worst part of fanon

Hmm. This is actually pretty difficult, I feel like I'm only exposed to such a curated selection of fanon these days I completely miss all the wild takes. I will say that I don't think Astarion would necessarily do that much embroidery/sewing after the events of the game. I got the impression that a lot of it was because he needed to look attractive and put together, lacked the resources to acquire new things, and embroidering dumb things on his underwear was the only amount of bodily autonomy he could flex. He can't exactly dye his hair, cut it, or steal any jewelry without it getting stolen by the other spawn: he literally only has the clothes on his back, and they need to be kept in good condition if he wants any degree of success enticing higher class/presumably less violent and more attractive people back to Cazador.

If anything, I think post-bg3 he'd splurge and get himself nice things, holding onto fraying clothing for far too long but not repairing it. He can buy things now - but the urge to hoard it would still exist, while patching it might strike too close to old habits. He'd pick up the thread and think of something, but wouldn't be able to bring himself to embroider anything for himself. A partner though, yes, but not himself.

There's no need for a stamp across his ass if no one's going to see it anymore.

13. worst blorbofication

the bestest babygirl Astarion. Seriously. What the fuck. We've got Snape levels of delusion about this bitch. He's been "draco in leather pants'd" enough that it's flipped around entirely, because Astarion does actually wear leather pants, so instead he's heteronormative fantasy #142 where he's loving husband material, ready to have adorable dhampir babies and sweetly make love under the blankets of their 3-bedroom house with white picket fence while assuring tav/durge that's 100% ready to have missionary sex again with deep eye contact where maybe one of them gets to come, because it's fine, we don't need sex for emotional intimacy. ????

Astarion absolutely can be kind in a bitchy, understated way, but every time I see a thing where he's too nice I want to write a scene where he does something horrible or picks a fight. Let👏 him 👏 murder 👏

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

ok already answered BUT HAVE ANOTHER! (Actually have 2!) I don't like "Sweet, supportive Astarion" characterizations. I think no matter the trauma, his is always going to be worse, and even if he doesn't say it he's definitely thinking it. I don't think he'd be actively sweet, more… deliberately not being an asshole, at best. Crying about your mum dying? He'll let you cry on his shoulder, give a sentence of comfort, then change the conversation. Very stiff upper lip - "Must be talk about this?"

Wait ok I just thought of the actual controversial take. I don't get the obsession with putting Astarion in dresses. He's beautiful, yes, but there are a lot of handsome men in fiction, but Astarion especially get put into dresses a lot. Is it because of the wavemother robes??? Did that unlock something in people??? Is it because he comes across as gay sometimes, so therefor let's put him in women's clothing, because crossdressing stereotypes? Putting any man in a dress is subversive, I get that, I just don't get what about Astarion makes people so feral for it. Skimpy clothing, yes, but the heels and dresses. why.

It makes me think of nail polish on men these days. I get the impression it's a certain flavor of liberal man who wears nail polish as a subversive act, trying to show that feminine things aren't lesser, that they're not ashamed of wearing them, but Astarion's absolutely a rather conservative character politically. Like… babygirl's voting Tory/Republican, if he's voting at all. Sorry.

Maybe I'm thinking too deeply about this lol. But for real - he's a very masculine-coded character. He cries once, and that's an overwhelming cathartic release after centuries of pain. He's assertive in sex scenes. Even though he sounds like he's close to tears sometimes, he pushes past emotional things very quickly, is driven by a need for freedom, to provide for the player and be powerful enough for the both of them, to keep them safe, has a drive for power that's frightening, and will throw down if it comes down to it. He threatens you if you tell him no about sharing the tadpoles, even after sleeping together. His shoulders are much broader than you think. He's very, very masculine, both in body and values, he just also happens to be a flirt and has had trauma and submission beaten into him. In elf terms, he's the chaddest chad to ever chad.

He would also fold one leg over the other at the knee while sitting on a stool that gives stereotypical "gay" vibes, but I can also see him manspreading all over the place. But I just don't see fanart of Astarion manspreading with a prominent bulge the same way I see dress fanart everywhere. I feel like I just don't get the appeal enough to unpick this!

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

Crushing Ascended Astarion into the dirt. I'm so, so glad Larian added that option to take control of him after becoming the Absolute - he doesn't see it coming at all, and it's so good. I just want to see AA as far away from power as possible, struggling with himself, and maybe regretting the Ascension and all that he lost. I don't think AA is completely hopeless - he's still Astarion, just dumber, more arrogant, more scared and out of touch with himself, with all those emotional walls snapped back into place all the harder - but that just makes me want to crack him like an egg.

Oh, or fics/art where Tav/Durge left him instead of becoming his spawn. He lets them leave, but I don't think he ever gets over it, and it's his last little shred of goodness/arrogance/self-pity that prevents him from taking them back forcefully. Pieces Still Stuck in Your Teeth by howlsmovinglibrary is obviously the best example of this and can't be topped, but I want more cakes!!! Not of "darkly seductive vampire lord Astarion seducing an old flame back to his side" cake, but of "disaster AA embarrasses himself by becoming more pathetic over an obsession he just can't shake." The higher they rise, the harder they fall.

He just wants to be loved unquestionably despite thinking of himself as a proven monster and therefore unlovable