#john b angst

[cameronsprincess]

— warnings: smut! 18+ mean!john b, bimbo!reader, degrading, oral (m receiving), slight choking, fingering, hair pulling.

likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated <3

❥ john b snaps at bimbo!gf!reader

“he’s my best friend, y/n! and you don’t expect me to get upset that you were flirting with him?”

you sink down into the couch further, fighting the tears that pricked at your eyes. you’d never seen john b. so upset before. you didn’t mean to make him so mad. you only flirted with jj because you’d saw him talking to sarah cameron. his ex girlfriend. it set you off, so naturally, you wanted to hit him where it hurt. flirting with jj.

“i-i didn’t mean to make you so mad, baby.. it-it was innocent. i-i was just upset that you were talking to sarah, i’m- i’m sorry” you choked out, finally letting your hot tears fall down your face.

“maybe don’t be such a slut! have you ever thought of that? hmm? sarah means nothing to me!”

you stand from your spot on the couch, taking a step toward john b and smacking his chest. “and jj means nothing to me!”

you turn quickly on your heels and storm off to the bedroom, slamming the door behind you and throwing yourself onto the bed, burying your face in the pillows as you screamed out in frustration.

the sound of the bedroom door pushing open makes you lift your head, turning slowly to see john b standing in the doorway, slight regret filling his eyes.

“i’m sorry baby. i didn’t mean to upset you. i just- i’m so used to everyone choosing jj, that seeing you flirt with him set me off”

you sit yourself up in the bed, crossing your legs as you look into his beautiful brown eyes.

“i wouldn’t ever choose jj. i want you. only you.”

john b sighs, running a hand through his messy brown hair. he takes two long strides towards you, pushing your back into the mattress as he crawls on top of you, his arms caging you into the bed.

he leans down, his lips softly ghosting over the shell of your ear, the feel of his breath on your skin as he whispers sending a shiver through your body. “i know that. let me make it up to you”

you suck in a shaky breath, wrapping your arms around his neck, smashing your lips with his in seconds.

he kisses you back, his lips consuming yours like he was a man that was touch starved. he slips his tongue into your mouth, dominating yours instantly, pulling a string of whines and moans from you.

“you’re so pretty when you’re like this. all whiny and hot, and i haven’t even touched you yet” he rasps, placing one hand around your throat and squeezing at it softly.

you bring your bottom lip between your teeth, eyes stuck on his darkened over, lust filled ones. you loved and hated when john b was mad, you loved it because he always made up for it in the dirtiest ways possible, but you hated it because, honestly, john b was sort of scary when he was angry.

“gonna make you remember who you belong to, you want that? want me to show you that you’re mine?”

you nod your head slowly, the grip he had on your throat tightening as you moved your head.

“words. you know i don’t like silent responses baby girl”

“y-yes. want you”

he releases the grip he has on your throat, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it onto the floor, leaving his tanned, muscular body on display for you.

you sit yourself up, reaching for the zipper on his shorts and pulling it down with haste. you help him slide his shorts down his legs, leaving him in nothing but his tight boxers, his already hardened cock pressing tightly against the fabric.

you reach your hand out, palming him through his boxers, making him growl from the contact.

“my girls a needy little thing isn’t she? good thing i’m in a giving mood tonight” john b says, his tone slightly mocking at your need for him.

“s-so needy. please, let me suck your cock” you beg, fingers playing with the waistband of his boxers, lightly tugging at them.

“don’t worry baby, you will”

john b pushes his boxers down his legs, lifting himself off the bed to remove them completely and tossing them onto the bedroom floor. you swipe your tongue across your bottom lip, mouth salivating at the sight of his thick, veiny cock in front of you.

you eagerly reach your hands out, gripping at him lightly, stroking your hand softly up and down his length, pulling a low groan from his lips.

his fingers grip the back of your head, pulling at your hair as he pushes your face down. “suck. now” he demands.

you smirk up at him, licking a hot stripe up the bottom of his shaft and placing a sweet kiss to his swollen head. he bucks his hips forward, fingers tightly gripping at your hair.

you push the head of his cock into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it, the taste of the precum that’s leaked from the tip making you hum in appreciation.

“s-stop—fuck— stop fuckin’ teasing. you know i don’t like games, baby”

you place both hands on his thighs, steadying yourself before pushing him fully into your mouth, gagging slightly when the head hits the back of your throat. you begin slowly bobbing your head up and down his length, drool running down the sides of your mouth as you work his length.

john b groans, using the grip he has on your head to push himself farther into your mouth, thrusting his hips forward to fuck himself into your throat.

“s-so fuckin’ good. such a sweet dumb cock whore, takin’ me so good”

john b’s words have you squeezing your thighs together, your arousal beginning to pool between your legs. you lower one of your hands, fingers finding your clit and rubbing slow circles around it, trying to relieve some of the pressure you felt.

john b pushes you of him, your back hitting the mattress with a soft thud.

you gasp when you feel john b’s large hands on your inner thighs, prying them open quickly and running his thick fingers through your slick folds.

“john b. please” you breathe out, bucking your hips forward.

your mind was hazy, craving the feel of him stretching you, pushing you to see stars.

he continues the teasing motions with his fingers, coating his fingers with your arousal.

you open your mouth to speak but the words die on your tongue when he shoves two fingers inside you, curling them slightly and hitting your g-spot repeatedly.

“shiiit, john b, need more” you whine, fingers fisting into the bed sheets, toes curling from the pleasure building inside you.

he harshly thrusts his fingers in and out of your soaked cunt, his free hand gripping at your throat lightly. “so fuckin’ needy, so whiny. just let me take care of you, okay?”

you squeeze your eyes shut, nodding your head. john b picks up the pace of his fingers, pushing them in and out of you harshly, the band in your belly tightening as your first release of the night threatened to wash over you.

“s’close john b, p-please”

“cum for me. let it all out baby girl”

a few more harsh thrusts from his fingers and your release was washing over you in toe curling euphoria.

“fu-fuck”

john b helps you ride out your high, pushing his fingers in and out of you slowly as you came down. you go limp below him as he slowly pulls his fingers from you, making you wince at the empty feeling.

“you did so good baby. so so good for me”

you lift up on your elbows, chest heaving up and down as you try and steady your breathing back to a normal rhythm.

“i love you, jb. only you”

he leans down and presses a soft kiss to your lips, giving you a small smile as he pulls you down to lay beside him, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist.

“i know. and i love you. just, no more flirting with jj, got it?”

john b masterlist | taglist form

[sugarcoatedstarkey]

On my boat? p2

Pairings- John B Routledge x fem!reader

Summary- John B comes crawling back.

Warnings- Smut. A lil bit of fluff and angst, but mostly sexual intercourse, hair pulling, scratching, Oral, language. (18+)

A/n- part one incase you missed it

You had kept yourself busy since sleeping with John B, staying away from Tanny hill in case you ran into Sarah. Though you doubted she would do anything, the fight wouldn’t end very well for her.

Your phone had been on silent for the past 15 days, the day after the boat, John B had tried calling you multiple times. But you didn’t want to get involved in the drama, you slept with him to help him get back at Sarah. You hadn’t slept with him hoping he’d want you back.

But apparently that’s exactly what John B wanted, he wanted you. He didn’t want Sarah, he told her it was over.

So when he turned up at your door one night, you were shocked. Your facial expressions portraying exactly that, he gave you his famous grin. “Hey” you stated, guarding yourself behind the door.

“Hey, I’ve been trying to reach you”

“I’ve been busy”

“Well can we talk? About the other night?” He questions, his palm pushes on the door slightly. It nudges against your shoulder but you stay put, not letting him into your house.

“No John B, I don’t think we need to” you state, you start to close the door. His scuffed sneaker blocking it from closing, his eyes beg you to listen to what he has to say.

“Seriously, it’s not going to happen. We broke up John B, you can’t come crawling back because Sarah hooked up with Topper… you got even. It’s done”

He sees the betrayal behind your eyes, he knows he shouldn’t be doing this to you. He had broken your heart once before by moving onto Sarah so soon after the break up, it wasn’t right for him to be trying to get you back.

So he let you close the door this time, you watched him through the peephole hole. He stayed rooted in his spot for a few more minutes before he finally walked away, you hadn’t expected it to be so easy.

A small part of you feeling crushed he didn’t fight harder to get inside, fight harder to tell you why he was coming around.

But you turned around and kept pushing his face to the back of your mind, kept going on with life and pretending you didn’t want him back in your life.

You hadn’t expected any of the pogues to be at the house party of your friend James, you knew they didn’t really have time for drinking and normal lives now that they were involved with the gold.

So when you see John B standing in the corner of the room, talking to Pope and eyes searching the sea of bodies. You couldn’t stop yourself from ducking, zigzagging your way through open gaps until you were outside.

“Great” you mumbled, eyes falling on Sarah Cameron and Topper. Of course, the two of them however ignored you. That was until you felt a hand on your shoulder and suddenly Sarah was staring at you. “Hey”.

You turn your body slightly, John B stares down at you with his boyish grin. His sun kissed skin glowing under the moonlight, you offer him a small smile and let him give you a hug. “Hey John B”.

“Want to get a drink?” He questions, nodding his head over to the messy table in the corner. Far enough away that Sarah couldn’t watch on, you nod your head before you can talk yourself out of leaving the party and follow beside him. “How are you?” You question, small talk was never your forte.

“Sarah and I broke up”

“Oh… I’m sorry”

That’s why he was coming around and wanting to talk to you.

He shrugs, taking a sip from the red solo cup in his hand. You reach across the table and grab the bottle of tequila, the exact same brand you two had been drinking a few weeks ago. “Shots?”

He repeats his actions from last time, grabbing the bottle and taking a swig. You copy but keep your eyes trained on him from the side, his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows harshly.

A small trickle of tequila escapes from your mouth, running down your lip, falling from your chin and landing on your chest.

“Can we go somewhere private” he questions, the tequila is doing the thinking and you're pulling him away from the party. Throwing all warnings out the window, you can feel his friend's eyes on the two of you.

Sarah’s eyes bored holes in your fingers that looped John B’s belt, you pretended not to notice them. Giving him a nudge into the secluded pool house, you don’t bother turning the light on. The fairy lights from outside give you both enough light to see.

“I didn’t fuck you because I wanted to get back together… I fucked you because you deserved to get even” you state, your bodies are close. He’s looking down at you and you can just make out the chocolate brown of his eyes. “So, you wouldn’t be into the idea of getting back together?” He questions, dropping his head a little lower.

Your mouths linger against one another, his hand cups your right cheek. Thumb caressing your chin, pulling slightly to open your mouth for him. “What?” You whisper, chest rising and falling heavier.

“I miss you”

“You miss the idea of me”

“No, I miss you Y/N… I need you, I physically ache without you, my brain won’t stop thinking about you… I can taste your lips, I can feel the warmth of your body”

“Stop John B”

“I can’t… I physically can not Y/N, I’m so sorry for the way things ended. I’m so sorry for bringing you into this mess, I fucked up and I will spend the rest of my life making up for it”

You push up on the balls of your feet and gently press your lips to his, you can feel the thudding of both your heart beats in your ears. You surrender yourself under his touch, his fingers dance up the length of your arm until he’s cupping your face with both hands.

The kiss becomes heated, both your breathing is heavy. Your mouth parted letting his tongue slip inside, his lips are warm and soft against your own. You could feel the soft tickle of his breath on your upper lip.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing your chest against his. His hands moving from your cheeks to your waist, he begins walking you backwards.

The back of your knees meet the small bed, pushing you until you lay down completely. His body hovering over your own, you part your legs enough to let him kneel between. “Do you think… you should be rushing back into this?” You stutter, his mouth sucking at your neck has your thoughts all over the place.

You had told yourself you didn’t need him, that you needed to move on from the idea of having John B in your life again. But, here you were. Spread, wet and desperate for him. You couldn’t keep lying to yourself, you wanted him. Not just in a sexual way, you wanted his mind, body and soul.

The feeling of his warm hand on your thigh has you snapping out of your thoughts, you nudge John B on the chest. He pulls away from you, soft chocolate eyes meet yours. “Answer me”

“Sarah and I have been over for a long time… things got too much when we were stranded on that island, we just didn’t know how to end it” John B states, his eyes flickering to the door of the pool room. “Her kissing Topper just helped make it easier to call it quits”.

You nod your head, understanding sometimes you just need something to solidify why you needed to break up. “I totally get that… but do you think us sleeping together is what you need?”.

“I need you Y/N, I needed you the moment I laid eyes on you the other night… I needed you when you left, the past 15 days, I needed you when I turned up to your house, when I saw you duck and run from me.”

Your cheeks flush bright red, embarrassed that he had noticed you hiding from him. Your heart thumping, the sound travelling to your ear drums, you push on his chest and guide him down onto the bed. Straddling his waist, pressing your palms to his abs.

“John B, if we do this… You need to be certain your done with Sarah”

“I am... I promise pretty girl”

You kiss his lips, silencing the both of you. Your body ached for him, grinding your hips against his. He deepens the kiss, running his tongue on your lower lip.

“I could kiss you forever” he mumbles, placing open mouth kisses down your throat. Warning signs went off behind your eyes, telling you this would end badly. But you squeezed them shut to rid the thoughts, you’d deal with the repercussions later.

“Show me how much you need me” You murmur, eyes pleading with his. He gives you a grin and scoops your chin between his palm, enveloping your lips with his.

Pulling you down so you lay on him, holding your waist with his other hand. The hand that held your chin moved to tuck the strands of hair behind your ear only to move them down your neck to hold you in place.

“Need you here” he mumbles against your lips, kissing his way down your neck to your collarbone. “Here”.

His fingers fiddle with the buttons of your dress, exposing your triangle bathing suit. Cleavage exposed, his lips travel down until he’s sucking dark marks on your cleavage. “Here”.

You're mesmerised by his touch, your body tingling with excitement. You watch quietly as he moves the flimsy material of your bathing suit and exposes your breasts. Your nipples hardening from the cool air, his mouth takes them in. Sucking on them until you were grinding your core into his bulge.

“Here”.

“John B, I need you to touch me” you beg, your arousal drenched your panties. Soaking his shorts as you moved your hips against his. “Please”.

“I thought I was showing you how much I needed you” he chuckles, his fingers massaging the swell of your breast. You back arching into his touch. “Show me how much you need me by giving me an orgasm”.

He nods his head, placing his hand on your upper back and one around your bum. Swapping you both around until you sat at the end of the bed, he shoots you a quick look as though to ask for permission.

You grip the waistband of your panties and pull them down your leg, your arousal dripping onto your thighs. “Needy” he whispers, pushing you down onto the bed before you can respond.

He parts your legs wide, staring directly into your core. You clench around nothing, pussy weeping for him to fill you up. “So pretty” he whispers, kissing his way up from your ankles until his breath fanned over your aching core.

Just as you begin to pull yourself up from the bed to hurry him along he brings his fingers to your folds, spreading you so his mouth can swallow your clit.

Your head drops back onto the mattress, back arching at the simple touch. “Fuck” you gasp, clenching your fingers around the material of the bed.

He moves your legs, bending them and pushing them up against your stomach. Opening you wider for him, his tongue slipping into your core, circling his tongue against your walls. “Jesus Christ!” You exclaim, your vision is blurry.

“Just me baby girl” John B chuckles, he’s inserting two fingers inside of you while his tongue laps at your clit. Your body is shaking, pleasure courses through your veins. “I’m gonna cum!” You cry, your walls pulsate around his fingers as he adds a third, angling them up against your g spot.

Your orgasm hits you at full force, knocking the breath out of you. Your legs shake against the bed, eyes squeezed shut as you let the pleasure rock you. “Shit shit shit”.

“That’s how much I need you”

You don’t give yourself time to recover, you're reaching for him. You needed him more than ever, shaky hands fumbling with the string of his shorts. He helps you remove his clothes, his cock swaying proudly.

“I’m going to fuck you now” he states, lining himself up against your hole. Your arms find home around his neck, both of your eyes training on where he eases himself in.

You both exhale, your fingernails scratch at his sun kissed skin. Chewing on your lower lip, he begins to rock his hips against you. His hair tickles your chin, his arms pulling you flush against him.

“You're perfect… I’ve missed you so much”.

“Show me how much… show me by fucking me hard… and fast”.

A switch seems to go off inside his head, he pulls your body away from the bed. Changing the position, your knees meet the mattress. He pushes you down until your cheeks press against the sheets, his hips connect with the swell of your ass.

His heavy balls hitting at your swollen clit with each thrust. The grip he has on your hips is harsh, red marks that are going to bruise. His cock hits deep into you, nudging at your sweet spot.

“Fuck… pretty girl, your magic” he exclaims, his hands run up the length of your back until they grip around the locks of hair, pulling you slightly away from the bed. “Your pussy is the best goddamn pussy I’ve ever had”.

You're clenching around him, his words stirring something inside of you. “Fuck.. John B, harder please!”. He quickened his pace, you try to look behind you but the grip on your hair stops you from doing so.

The sound of your skins meeting in the middle fills the small room, you can hear the bass from the music outside. You only just realise the curtains are open, anyone could walk by right now and see the predicament you were in.

This just has you more aroused, your soaking his thick cock. The wet sound has you arching your back and pushing back into him, your moans are growing louder and a sheen of sweat glistens on both your bodies.

“Shit… babe-”

Your words are cut short as he pulls out of you and repositions you, your legs straddling him. He pulls you down against him, his cock deep inside of you.

His hand presses against your lower stomach as he helps you move against him again, your body bouncing harshly as you chase your high. He can himself deep inside of you, grunts of pleasure leave his lips.

His eyes train on your breasts as they bounce with each thrust, he pulls himself up slightly to capture one between his lips. Sucking and pulling at your nipples, your finger nails dig into his skin.

Hips grinding and circling against him, the familiar tingle spreads from your toes up to the hair on your head. Goosebumps litter your body, arching your back as the wave of pleasure hits you once more and you're coming around his cock, walls sucking him as deep as humanly possible. “Fuck!”

“Oh shit… shit shit shit” John B cries, he grips your hips. His own hips stuttering against yours as he orgasm floods through him, he pulls out of you, his cum coating his lower stomach.

You move to sit next to him, regaining your breath. Your eyes meet his and he moves to kiss your lips.

“I promise to make up for everything, I promise to prove to you everyday why it was a good idea for you to take me back.. I promise to be better” John B states, his hand cups your face. Thumb caressing your cheek, you give him a soft smile.

All you could do was move forward, you can forgive and forget and see where the future takes you both. “Okay, let’s do this”.

You meet in the middle, lips pressed together once again.

Tagging people who wanted part 2 @novxturient @thirsty4nonlivingmen @thekidscallmebossss @bigenergy777 @gillybear17 🖤

[cute-sucker]

note: im begging for requests for this au!!! i'm sobbing, idk what character it is <3

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jonbee taking care of you during an apocalypse and you're in near tears begging him to kiss you. it happens all the time, the casual way that he's dominant over you. if it's the way that he's so much taller, the way his rough hands feel on yours. he always drops a kiss on your forehead before serving you french toast.

you love the normality of it all. the way he's humming the song on the radio, and you're bobbing your head to it. ivy is growing in the trailer park, and the shorts you have on have dirt smudges all over it when the two of you were running.

yet john b is giving you everything he can to serve you a normal lifestyle. he's trying everything to make you feel better, tucking back your hair, and coaxing you to eat. he's even found an old apron that has, 'kiss the chef,' on it, and suddenly your tearing up, holding up your brittle knife and fork.

hot tears drip down your face, as you sniffle quietly nudging at the food on your plate. almost immediately john b turns around, eyes full of concern.

"hey? hey, what's wrong?" he murmers, dropping down to your level. his hat is on backwards, and you fight the urge to turn it the other way. "don't cry pup," he cooes, grazing your wet cheeks, and you fight the urge of jumping into his arms, or asking to sit on his lap. after all, the two of you are platonic anyways. that's clear to tell.

you choke on your sob, "iono, just feel this pressure on my chest. i really need to be close to someone." even as you say this, your eyes are wide ready to be rejected, but john be is always there for you, as his hands snake up your sides, and sits you down on his lap.

"alright now. let's eat something now. maybe that'll make the ache go away."

you nodd at his soft words. he's right, he's always right. the two of you could barley find normal food now, always preservatives, or food that makes you hurt. you like it when he embraces you like this, his big arms around your waist, as you feel like a kid swinging your legs. and yet here you are crying the one day that there is good food.

suddenly you feel worse. the world is ending, and you'll be dead soon, and john be will never be with you, and you will have never kissed anyone. you'll never be a librarian in a niche town with a husband who would kiss you off your feet. no, you will have never kissed someone! what a tragedy to love someone so deeply yet never touch their soothing lips. maybe john b's lips on yours would fix everything.

you feel so stupid.

finally, john b puts the fork down, warm breath on your neck, and he sets you off his lap to look you in the eye.

"i need you to tell me what's wrong, and so i can fix it." he whispers to you, his hand rubbing soothing circles on your back. you shake your head, feeling the pounding feeling in your chest, as if you were going to vomit but your stomach was empty.

john b sighs, his voice firm now, "this won't go away. show me where it hurts. do you feel sick?" he murmurs to you, giving you his hand to guide, and you tentivally take it to place it on your heart.

"here," you croak, "it hurts here."

he looks surprised, yet his eyes are warm as he speaks in his soothing tone, his words practically melting in your mouth, "why does it hurt pup?"

"i need you to kiss me," you blurt out, and let go of his hand, "so it can stop."

he tilts his head almost amused, "yea? you need me to kiss you, so your heart can stop hurting."

you hate the way he's teasing you, a soft lint in his tone, his large hands still settling on you as he talks to you. he's so gentle with you it burns your skin, it burns everything inside of you.

"i can't take it. i can't take the fact that i've never kissed someone," and then you pause, your voice a whimper, "i can't take it that i haven't kissed you jonbee-"

and then without a doubt, he looks at you again, his eyes so feverious, so full of emotion, burning with the exact same fire that you feel your body ablaze with.

just like that john b cups your jaw, and kisses you so sweetly you see stars.

[a-aexotic]

hii i feel like john b doesn't get nearly enough fics and i <3 your writing so could i request a fic where he's having a rough day so he comes over and reader does her whole nighttime routine w him to help de-stress? 💗💗

ren's notes ! yes i totally agree, john b is so overhated for what

pairing. john b x fem!reader

warnings. literally nothing except fluff and ward being ward

➜ missing out on updates? ❪ navigation. masterlist. taglist. ❫

Today was not John B's day.

He woke up in a shitty mood and everything else just went along with that. He burnt his pancakes, he forgot to pay the water bill so he was stuck with cold water as a shower. He forgot to do laundry so he had to wear his dirty clothes. And the Camerons were being more asshole-ish than usual.

He just wanted to go home and eat, relaxing while watching a TV show. So why did Ward make him clean the yacht for the second time this week?

He texted you throughout working and you felt really bad. You wanted to do something that would cheer him up.

He heard a ding and pulled out his phone.

Y/N:) 💋☀️ oh, im sorry to hear that baby:/

Y/N:) 💋☀️ do u wanna come over and watch something?<3 maybe that'll help

Y/N:) 💋☀️ i love u jb:)

He smiled at your texts as he sent a quick text back, not wanting to hear another lecture about phones from Ward again.

JB 😎 No worries babe 😘💕 I love u too

JB 😎 That sounds like heaven 😫 Be there at 6 x

--

Work couldn't have even sooner for John B. He was so excited to go see you; he's felt like it's been weeks even though in reality, it's only been maybe a day. Today just felt so long but he knew that one kiss from you, and all that stress would go away.

He pulled up to your house and quickly got out. He was prepared to spend the entire night with you, sleeping in your arms so that all his stress would melt away.

He knocked at the door and your mother answered, letting him know you had just got down with your shower and that you were upstairs. She also reminded John B to knock before going in.

As he was told, he knocked before going in.

"Mom, I'll be down in a minute, let me finish my skincare."

"It's not mom, It's John B."

You quickly jumped out of your chair and ran to the door, opening it and embracing John B. He smiled at your enthusiasm.

"Oh, John B. I missed you."

He leaned into you, sighing in content. "Me, too, baby. Me, too."

"I was just going to finish my skincare and we can go get some popcorn and eat, okay?"

"Um, actually. I think after the day I've had, I need a mask."

You smiled at your boyfriend. Your glad your skincare is rubbing off on him because you wanted him to relax (you also didn't want him to age badly). "Of course, baby! Just uh, go take a quick shower and we can get started!"

He didn't even have the energy to be offended at your underlining comment so he just nodded and went into your bathroom, closing the door.

As he showered, you got the candy and popcorn ready. He got out and he sighed in relaxation. He then looked at the bowl next to your bed to find his favorite candy. "Ooo."

He took a handful before you came in with a huge grin on your face. "Okay, we have either a peach collagen mask or a vitamin d matcha mask."

He laughed immaturely at the mention of D. "Vitamin D, of course."

You rolled your eyes playfully as you put down the other mask, opening the vitamin d sheet mask. "Did you wash your face?" You asked before putting it on.

"Yes."

"With my CeraVe cleanser?"

He nodded and sighed as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. But if you asked him that a few months ago, he would've asked who CeraVe was and what a cleanser is. You're glad you've taught him well.

You smiled at that, nodding. "Good."

You put on the mask and John B felt his muscles relaxing from your soft touch, and the gentleness of the sheet mask on his face. "This feels so nice. I can't remember a time when I didn't use masks."

"Mhm, I bet your skin feels the same."

He sighed contently as you fully adjusted the mask to his face. You walked away towards your mini-fridge to get a Jade roller. You went back to John B and started massaging his face with it.

"Wow, this feels nice. Is how the rich feel?" John B commented as you laughed.

You kept massaging for a few minutes before stopping, making John B groan. You rolled your eyes.

"My arms hurt, John B, I can't do this until it dries."

He sighed and nodded, "Okay fine."

John B then went to go sit on your bed and turn on the TV as you put your mask on. John B then went to the bedside table and grabbed the popcorn, eating it happily.

You smiled at your boyfriend. You're glad that he feels better now. You got into the bed too, taking some of the popcorn and eating it.

"Okay, babe. It's your pick, what're we watching?"

"21 Jump Street."

You sighed. "... Again?"

"Oh shush, I know you love staring at Channing Tatum."

You rolled your eyes playfully, knowing it was true.

[maybankspov]

The Heart Wants What It Wants ♡

Summary: Y/N is John B’s girlfriend and has been for over a year. Her and Jj have a weird relationship, They’ve always cared very deeply for each other, even after all the awkwardness and blunts remarks. But recently Jj’s is starting to see the girl in a way only his best friend should.

Warning: ANGST!! Jealousy, Cheating. Not much else i don’t think :)

Italics: JJ’s POV

The Heart Wants What It Wants

The Pogues had always been a tight nit group ever since they were younger especially Jj and John B. They had been best friends ever since the third grade, you would never see one without the other. They were like brothers growing up together practically living together due to Jj’s family situation. But just like any other friendship there are some times where the don’t see eye to eye, even if it is over a girl.

It all started when John b introduced her to the Poges for the first time. “Guys this is y/n” John b announced as he walked in his own home after picking her up from work on a Saturday afternoon. “The girl I’ve been telling you about, My girlfriend.” Jj looked up and was met with a girl he had never seen before, he’d remember a face as gorgeous as hers. “Hey, it’s so nice to meet all of you. John B never shuts up about you guys “ she says with a massive smirk on her face as she bumps her hip into JB’s. He wraps his arm around the back of her neck and brings her into his chest. “Alright shush you” he says with a huge smile on his face as he lets out a breathy laugh which the rest of the pogues return. Except for one. JJ turned to look at both Kie and Pope hoping to see if he can predict what they’re thinking of this girl however he was met with two admirable faces looking up at the happy couple. They seemed to approve so why was he conflicted over the matter.

That night Jj had spent his time ignoring her, watching her from the sidelines. He watched the way she interacted with each one of his friends. Her and Kie immediately clicked bonding over similar clothing styles and their passion for saving the environment. Her and Pope managed to get along like brother and sister, he never shut up when she was around. Immediately feeling comfortable around the new girl which is weird for him, he’s always been a bit of an introvert. Jj tried to shut out every affectionate interaction her and John B had together. He still didn’t understand why but everytime he’d find his eyes glancing over at the happy couple his chest immediately felt tight.

It’s not like Y/N shut Jj out she just felt odd around him. From the beginning their interactions were limited to small nods when greeting one another, tight lipped smiles whenever they said goodbye. It was awkward and neither one of them truly understood why. John B had told y/n all about Jj and how well they would get along but to his dismay the blonde wouldn’t even look in her direction. She had tried to speak to him that Saturday night when she met them all but it didn’t go the way she thought it would.

“Jj right?” She announced her presence as she took a seat beside him on one of the logs that was situated around the fire, Pope had set up for us. “Yeah” he replied, very bluntly. Anyone from the outside could tell he felt awkward. Like he didn’t know what to say to her. “Wow, I’m glad to be finally meeting the Jj. How are you?” She asked him politely with an adorable smile finding its way onto her face, whilst also turning her body towards his. He shifted his eyes to look at her, he swear he felt his heart beat in his stomach. He didn’t understand why he was so nervous maybe it was the feeling of a brunette headed pogue watching their interaction. “I’m fine” he answered her question with a slight nod of his head. A moment of silence is shared between the two as she looks over at her boyfriend with wide eyes. John B lightly scowled at his best friend confused by his behavior his eyes shifted back to his girlfriend and light shuck his head silently telling her to “leave it “ assuming Jj’s in one of his moods. She lightly pressed her hand against Jj’s shoulder as she stood and made her way over to John B. Jj couldn’t help but feel clarity as she walked away from him, like he could breathe again however a small feeling inside of him longed for her to come back.

One night y/n hadn’t been able to sleep so she unwrapped her boyfriends arms from around her waist and went out to the front porch to smoke. As that usually seemed to calm her down when she felt this way. Unknowing to her, Jj had been feeling the same way. Lying wide awake facing the ceiling, thoughts running his mind and they all had the same common denominator which was indeed, his best friend’s girlfriend. The girl he’s barely spoken a few words to. It turns out great minds think alike as he finds himself walking towards the porch with a freshly rolled blunt in his hand.

The floorboards cracked underneath his feet which caused the attention of the young girl curled up on the couch to look up at the disruption. Jj stopped in his tracks as soon as he saw her sat there, the only thing his mind could comprehend at that moment was how fucking hot she looked smoking a blunt, wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt which he recognized was John b’s. “Sorry i don’t know you were out here, i-uh i’ll just go” he quickly turned away planning on walking back inside the chateau and forgetting this ever happened. “Y’know, You don’t have to do that” she said whilst lifting one of her hands up to her face, taking another hit off her blunt. “Do what?” He asked her once he stopped and turned back around. “Leave as soon as you see me.” Jj turned his head towards the girl, to see that her attention was focused on the marsh. His insides feeling torn between walking back inside or sitting beside the girl which he so desperately wanted to do. “What are you looking at?” He asked her. “The water, the way the moon reflects its light on the water is so pretty” she said without moving her eyes from the spot she was fixated on.

Jj’s face immediately relaxed feeling most of his awkwardness slip away as he took a seat next to the girl and began to pull out his blunt from his front pocket. She suddenly clears her throat getting his attention as she offered him hers. “What’s the point in lighting another, save that for another time” she lightly winked at me. Jj swore he felt his heart beat quicken in pace and his face immediately redden. He smiled back at her as he lightly took the blunt from her delicate hand lingering ever so slightly as their fingers brush against each-other. They just sat in silence for the next few minutes sharing a blunt, as she ever so often looked out at the marsh which caused him to do the same thing. She was right. The way the light would reflect off the sky and hit the water was truly beautiful. But not as beautiful as the girl sat beside him. No! This is his best friends girlfriend he shouldn’t think of her in that way but he just couldn’t help it. “I think i owe you a bit of an apology.” Jj began to say, “ya think” she replied. He couldn’t help but laugh at her reaction matching the expression of the smiling girl on his side.

“Yeah I- um, i don’t really know what came over me, i- uh, i guess you could just say” Lie Jj. Lie. “I’m not use to John b having a girl round all the time” i said to her as she hung on to my every word. “Like he’s never stuck to one girl before. Usually he just fucks them and forgets them” i tell her honestly.

“Wow, i feel honored” she says back to me which caused a smile to appear on my face. I cant help it. I know i shouldn’t be feeling this way about my best friend’s girlfriend, i mean it’s just wrong. Not to mention I’ve only just met the girl, i don’t even know her that well but there’s something about her. I’ve never felt this way before. And of course it had to be for her if all people. “No i get it, you were we worried about your friend. Don’t worry i won’t break his heart.” She actually thought i’d be happy about that. I mean i-uh guess i am. I don’t wanna hurt John B but i wouldn’t be upset if they summarily harpooned and there weren’t together anymore. “Um yeah i guess” I quietly mumbled which i don’t think she heard. Thank fuck.

We had spent most of the night on the porch smoking, laughing about absolutely nothing. We even managed to move ourselves so we were more relaxed. She had moved so her back was facing the arm rest with a pillow supporting her as she faced me with her legs out situated on top of my lap. I was in a similar position with my hand on her leg. We were so high right now, i don’t think she minded that i was touching her in quite an intimate place. I did know what i was doing, like i knew that if John b were to walk out the front door and see my hands on her leg he would probably beat me up but… in this moment i didn’t really care. It was just me and her.

“Y’know when i first met John B, i low key thought he was quite annoying” she giggled in a slight daze, it was adorable to watch. I smiled at what she just said a bit of hope started to rise in my stomach as i thought the high had given her the courage to tell me if she had any doubts Shoot her and JB’s relationship, which i am all for. Since we finished her blunt, we had decided to use mine. So it’s safe to say we are so fucking high right now. It’s actually made me realize why I’ve been feeling this way, i like this girl. I actually like my best friends girlfriend, all i’ve wanted to do this past month I’ve known her was go up to her, hold her, kiss her but i couldn’t. I had to sit and watch John B do everything i wanted to do. It hurt. It hurt a lot.

“Phh, oh-yeah, he’s always been like that I don’t think he’ll ever stop” i can’t help but subconsciously smile everytime she goes to say something. She opens and shuts her mouth obviously wanting to say something but just doesn’t now how. “Go on, say what you wanna say. You can tell me anything” i leaned forward testing the waters and placing my hand higher up on her leg. I saw her eyes moved down to my hand i actually couldn’t tell what she was thinking. I didn’t know wether she liked the affection i was giving her or if she wanted me to stop. “There’s just something about him. I feel safe around him. Like over the past few months, if anything were to happen like if we saw a bunch of kooks or even if we were just crossing the street. He’d hold onto my hand” she placed her hand on top of mine and leaned forward. I visibly gulped as she came closer to my body. “He’d squeezes it twice” she squeezed my hand twice. Her face felt much closer to mine than it really was but that didn’t stop me from looking down at her lips. Imagining myself kissing her in this moment. All the thoughts surrounding John B and how he would feel if i kissed her went out the window. It was just me and her. No one else. “It was almost like he’s letting me know I’m safe, like I’m loved” After she said that my eyes snap back to meet hers. Her eyes weren’t looking at me she was looking out at the damn marsh again. I don’t like where this is going.

“I think i love him Jj”

“We sat on the beach last night and i told him the same thing i told you, about the way the moon reflects its light on the water and how pretty it looks. After i said what i said, he told me i was prettier than any of that.. I think that was the moment i knew. I love him. So much.”

Jj hasn’t sobered up that quickly in his life. He felt a sudden pressure behind his eyes after hearing her declare her love for his best friend. He could feel his eyes glaze over but he didn’t want her seeing that. “Maybe go tell him that then” Jj said, whilst trying so hard to avoid her ongoing gaze. He had removed his hands so that not one ounce of his body was touching hers. The instant warmth he felt from being so close to her quickly washing away and was replaced with a bitter breeze. “Your right Jj, I’m gunna tell him. Thank u for everything, I enjoyed tonight maybe we can do it again sometime” he sent her the fakest smile he could matter, as well as a small nod when he looked up at her. She had stood up ready to go back to her boyfriend but before she left she reached over and placed her lips on my cheek before heading through the doors of the chateau.

Well, I’m 100% fucked.

[consciouscarrot]

john b routledge tags

[strrynigghts]

— series

— oneshots

[cameronsprincess]

John B. Masterlist

smut = ☆ angst = ❀ fluff = ♡

one shots:

↠ john b snaps at bimbo!gf!reader ☆

↠ sharing is caring (ft. jj)☆

moodboards:

↠ john b in a zombie apocalypse

[gxdsfavgal]

OBX Miscellaneous

⋆❀˖° 𖦹𓇼.ೃ࿔*:･

Insta Stories

Pogue Summer

Season 1 Vibes

[nemesyaaa]

LITERALLY me while reading (stitch is my bby)

THIS IS SO SO SAD. BUT I LOVE GOOD ANGST LIKE THIS ESPECIALLY WITH JOHN B ?? I FEEL LIKE SAD PLOT FIT HIM VERY WELL. I NEED TO PLAY SOMEONE LIKE YOU BY ADELE. I MEAN I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE SONG CODED, BUT THE STORYLINE MAKE ME THINK OF THE SONG TOO'. AS ALWAYS, THIS IS AMAZING !! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SERIES. TYSM !!! ✨

‘I’m sorry. I just have to see for myself. KFKZKDE NOT MY HEART BREAKING INTO YOUR WORDS

“you know that’s not true. look, listen to me—”IM NOT LIKE READER, I WILL BE SO WEAK IN FRONT OF JOHN B. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. AND HIS VOICE TOO....

“i have to! okay i—” he takes a breath, ripping his fisherman cap off to run a hand through matted brown hair, streaks of silvery grey through the sides illuminated in the warm orangey light of the chateau that made your heart clench with fondness and familiarity. “its not right that i’m feeling this way for someone so much younger than me, and more importantly — it’s not right that you’re dating someone so much older! you should… i don’t know, be out there! experiencing the dating pool! going on dates with guys that are allowed to be seen with you! not… your dads friend.” he shakes his head, defeated. THIS IS SO ANGSTY ???? WHAT I TRULY APPRECIATE. THE MIXED FEELINGS THAT JOHN B FEEL MAKE ME WANT TO SHOOT MYSELF. LIKE HE WANTS THE READER SO BAD BUT HE DONT WANT HER TO WASTED HER YOUTH ?? THIS IS SUCH A FUCKING HARD ROLLERCOSTER ACTUALLY. I GOT HIM, BUT PLEASE, DONT YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY YOURSELF ????

“uhm, did you walk here in a storm? are you— what, have you lost your mind now?” HELLOOO MOTHERFUCKER (READER CORE LMFAOOO) SHES A BOSS

now you’re knocking at the older man’s door, shivering from the icy droplets that are tickling your hot skin. you feel feverish, wrong, all muddled up. john b was yours. THAT LAST LINE. YES. GURL. HE'S YOURS.

I THINK IT'S MY FAVORITE ONE-SHOT OF THE SERIE

⊹ ᜊ(ᜊ ´ ˘)੭ ♡ … DUMB & POETIC ♡

track eight of the short n’sweet series. pairing: dbf!johnb + reader. based loosely off the song dumb & poetic by sabrina carpenter. enjoy! ໒꒰՞ ܸ. .ܸ՞꒱

word travels fast when you’re hopelessly in love with your dads best and youngest friend.

rain was starting to spit down on the crown of your head as you marched your way up the dry grass to the chateau. a storm was headed your way, and john b was probably to give you a real earful at the fact you’d even walked here so late in the evening with a storm on the horizon but that didn’t matter. it seemed a feeble thing now, too focused on the tugging of your heart strings.

“old john b’s got himself a date.” your father had chuckled into his newspaper that morning and you froze at the sink, pouring milk into your coffee. your skin felt hot, eyes prickly.

“what?” you ask quietly, trying your hardest to sound unshaken by the news.

“the guys down at the garage stitched him up. i didn’t get involved, was too busy working but… yeah. finally getting himself out there. was wonderin’ when he might. times ticking for him.”

your milk pours over the rim of your now overflowing coffee mug and you curse, lurching to clean it up.

now you’re knocking at the older man’s door, shivering from the icy droplets that are tickling your hot skin. you feel feverish, wrong, all muddled up. john b was yours.

he’s frowning when he opens the door, and you don’t let him speak.

“is it true?” you yell over the wind, voice cracking and he pulls you inside by the arm.

“uhm, did you walk here in a storm? are you— what, have you lost your mind now?”

“is it true, john b?” you don’t lower your voice even though you’re inside now, infact your words are punctuated by a harsh shove at his chest. he stills, staring down at you solemnly and shamefully.

“i assume your…dad told you—”

“so this — us, it just means nothing to you?” you go in for another push, crying now and he catches your wrists, eyes softening sympathetically as he pulls you in.

“you know that’s not true. look, listen to me—”

“who is she?” you wail and he holds your wrists tighter.

“listen to me!” he raises his weathered brow, hands loosening around your wrists just enough to swipe his fingers gently in windscreen wipers on the skin. you stare up at him expectedly — fat tears even frozen on your cheeks and his shoulders drop slightly. how was he meant to compete? it wasn’t fair when you looked at him like that. “the guys at the garage set me up.” he explains calmly and you’re quick to cut him off.

“and you agreed! you could have just said—”

“i have to! okay i—” he takes a breath, ripping his fisherman cap off to run a hand through matted brown hair, streaks of silvery grey through the sides illuminated in the warm orangey light of the chateau that made your heart clench with fondness and familiarity. “its not right that i’m feeling this way for someone so much younger than me, and more importantly — it’s not right that you’re dating someone so much older! you should… i don’t know, be out there! experiencing the dating pool! going on dates with guys that are allowed to be seen with you! not… your dads friend.” he shakes his head, defeated.

“i don’t care about all that!” you step up to him, a glimmer of hope in your eyes.

“well i do!” he bellows back, and just like that it dies.

you crumple, heels of your hands coming to press into your eyes as you lower yourself to the floor. you mewl in devastation, salty tears burning into your retinas and he watches in heartbreak, heaving out a long sigh before lowering himself to the floor with you.

“its not fair! its not fair— just because shes older than me doesn’t mean — it doesn’t —”

“i know.” he mutters into your hairline, pressing a kiss there. you clutch his shirt like he’s the only thing keeping you tied down gravitationally to earth.

you get real worked up into hysterics so soon he’s calming you down the only way he knows how, straw-feeding you water as you sit in his bed wearing his clothes, still snivelling. he shuffles in beside you with a book, pulling your head to rest down on his shoulder and shushing you when you fight.

“you think y’know everything john b.” you croak, glaring at the dumb pretentious poetry book on his lap.

he clears his throat, flipping to a random page.

“though the night was made for loving, and the day returns too soon, yet we'll go no more a roving, by the light of the moon—” his husky voice begins to read, lulling you into that calm safe space that only he creates. there’s a lingering sadness in your chest when you drift off, knowing it could be the last time and between his words you’re sure you whisper a “dont go”. but you’re not sure whether or not you dreamt it.

you wake up at noon somehow. all that crying wore you out and it goes without saying with the situation you’re in, you didn’t have the greatest sleeping pattern. sticky eyes flutter from the alarm clock, to the absence of john b in his own bed beside you. you hope for the reassuring sound of coffee being stirred or the tv in the living room but the chateau is deathly quiet. once your eyes focus, you’re confronted with a note on the bed side table.

his familiar scrawl, it reads —

‘I’m sorry. I just have to see for myself.

— Yours, J.B ♡’

[blac-ivy]

One thing golden era Wattpad writers had going for them was that they knew the importance of a buildup. I'm of the opinion that the sexual tension is WAY more satisfying to read than the actual sex and quite frankly there is a serious lack of non smutty writing.

Like I really miss reading fics/ x readers that start from scratch. Meeting the characters, initial reactions getting to know them, the tension the jealousy the TENSION the freaking tension.

Looking and looking away when they get spotted, touches that feel like they linger but perhaps they didn't and they're both so hot for each other that they think it's wishful thinking. And I don't mean just sweet sunshine romances, darker works can have a buildup too but it seems like so much is just about getting to the smut instead of the psychological aspect.

Bring back the build up!!!!!!!

[a-aexotic]

hey so i was wondering if you could do like an angsty fic about john bs sister aka the reader dsting rafe, and then one day she gets into a fight with rafe and he won’t let her leave his house, like keeps her in his room or something. and john b finds out and him and jj help get her out and rafe finds out and is pissed sorry if this is a lot!

pairing. platonic!jj maybank, platonic!brother!john b routledge x fem!reader x rafe cameron requested? yes no

warnings. mentions of getting high/drink, an arugement, description of a fight but pretty much angst to fluff!

summary. when rafe gets high, he gets paranoid about y/n's friendship with barry's friend and traps you in his room. john b and jj come to the rescue.

➜ missing out on updates? ❪ navigation. masterlist. taglist. ❫

You had no idea how you ended up in this mess with Rafe. It started off with a smoke with his friends at the beach and now, it's escalated to Rafe and you arguing in his room.

You were usually the responsible one, always making sure everything is in order and everyone's fine, so how did you end up in this mess? John B was going to kill you when he finds out.

"Rafe, it was nothing, seriously!" You were angry at that point, the entire drive to his house had been him just screaming at you incoherently about cheating?

Rafe was shaking at that point, his eyes were red and you could tell he wasn't sober. That's something you will never learn to love about Rafe; his awful addiction to anything and everything unhealthy.

"I-I saw you Y/N!" He trembled angrily as he pointed an accusatory finger in your face. "With Barry's tall friend, I saw you! You and him obviously knew each oth-"

"From Chemistry, Rafe! We had Honors Chemistry sophomore year, I told you!" You explained but Rafe was just shaking his head.

"I thought you loved me."

You shook your head as you walked towards him, tears brimming in your eyes. "I do."

"Then why did you cheat?" His voice broke. That's when you realized that Rafe wasn't acting; he truly felt like you had cheated.

"I didn't Rafe, you did too many lines and now you're acting all crazy." You tried to explain and Rafe had turned almost immediately when he heard you say the word "crazy."

"Oh, I'm crazy?! Really?" He screamed. You jumped at the sudden yelling and you sat back in the chair as tears started falling from your eyes. He walked away towards the door.

"I'm not letting you out until you apologize." He walked out and closed the door, locking it. You thought he was joking until you had gotten up and tried to open the door.

"Rafe!" You screamed. "Let me out, Rafe! Seriously, this isn't funny! Come on, Rafe!"

After about 10 minutes of being in that room, you were tired. You didn't know how this would end. No one was home; not even Wheezie, she was at a sleepover so you were stuck until Rafe's manic had calmed down. You wanted to call someone but you left your purse in Rafe's car.

You thought you were done for until you heard a van pull up. You looked outside to see the Twinkie and you let out a breath of relief - John B was going to help you get out. Until you realized that Rafe was still home and John B was most likely very angry.

"Shit," you mumbled to yourself.

You saw JJ and John B exit the car and you didn't know how to prevent all of them from getting hurt; you would usually just make sure that all of them weren't near each other or draw the other one away, but how could you do that if you were locked in a room.

You then heard some banging at the door. You prayed to every higher power you knew to make sure all three of them don't get too seriously hurt. You didn't want to spend the rest of this godforsaken night in the ER.

You couldn't really make out anything they were saying downstairs but they were shouting. Then you heard one loud crash and some running upstairs.

You heard the door unlock and your heart jumped. The door revealed JJ and a very angry John B.

"What the hell, Y/N!" John B shouted as he sighed disappointedly. "Stay away from Rafe, I said. He's crazy, I said. He's an actual psychopath who will hurt you, I said. And what did you do-"

Before he could continue, you went up to John B and embraced him tightly. You were crying into his shirt; the fact that you weren't completely sober didn't help either. John B was shocked. He'd never seen you cry so hard in your life. You were usually the one to be the rock.

He held you tightly, putting his head on top of yours as JJ watched sympathetically.

"I love him, John B." You managed to choke out. "I swear, it's just when he's high."

JJ shook his head. "Y/N, he's just not a good guy."

You pulled away from John B, wiping your tears. "What'd you guys do?"

"Just gave him a good punch. He's passed out." JJ responded as Joh B nodded. "Let's get out of here before the beast awakens."

John B hit his arm as warning before getting a small, "Too soon, sorry."

John B put his arm around your shoulders comfortingly as you guys walked to the Twinkie. The drive home was pretty quiet but you got some answers.

John B was calling you and you hadn't answered but that wasn't like you at all and he knew something was wrong. He called it 'brother intuition.'

You didn't care what it was, you were just grateful they came and helped you. You were grateful to have such good friends.

[c6nrad]

❝I like to think it’s not so much how many years you get, but what you do with them. And JJ packed it in.❞

— John Booker Routledge

[karmasloverrr]

godspeed - rafe cameron

pairings- rafe cameron x maybank reader, established relationship

SZN 4 SPOILER!!!!!!!!!!!! you’ve been warned

this takes place in ep 10 right after everyone’s fighting and all that

———————————————————————————

The adrenaline was still running through your vains, like the hot, dusty sand you all found yourself in over the past couple of hours. Your hands are shaking, can’t fully grasp the weight of what you’ve just done.

“Baby?” You snap out of your shocked haze when a pair of comforting, familiar hands come to rest on the side of your waist , “a-are you ok?” His blue, stress ridden eyes bore into yours.

You take a shaky breath in, letting the gun you held drop to the ground below your feet. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you jump up into him. “He almost killed you, Rafe. I thought I was gonna lose you, I-I didn’t have any other choice, he was so close to-“, your rambling was paused by him shushing you quietly and rubbing a hand soothingly up and down your back, his other gripping the back of your head like his life depended on it.

“I know, I know, breathe Y/N, breathe” You were sobbing now. Not out of remorse for one of Dalia’s men, whom you had just shot dead out of defense for Rafe, but because you almost lost the love of your life.

Rafe pulls away, still keeping a hand on your back, keeping you close. “You just saved my life, Y/N. I’m so proud of you for being strong, it’s gonna be ok.” He was now using a thumb to wipe the tears falling from your eyes.

You nod frantically in understanding, sniffiling and leaning into his palms touch. Bringing a hand to his on your cheek, you intertwine fingers. “Are you o-ok? I mean you almost just got stabbed, Rafe. I don’t know what I’d do with myself if-“. He places both hands on your face now, demanding your attention.

“Hey, listen to me. You did exactly what I would’ve done if you were just in my situation, ok? Hell, I would’ve beat that fuckers face in before I let him get the chance to even go near you so don’t overthink this for a second, do you understand? I love you so much.”

You licked your lips and nodded. After Rafe had told you to stay with Kiara when he went to bide JJ some time with the crown, he got into trouble with one of Dalia’s men and hadn’t come back. You couldn’t stay still knowing he was by himself.

Despite protest from Kiara and how your brother needed you right now, you ran to look for Rafe. You could hear the sound of distress and punches being thrown before you could see them. Even through poor visibility you knew it was Rafe, your Rafe, being attacked. As you got closer you could see that he was being held at knife point and without thinking you pulled the gun out that rested at your hip and fired at the man’s back.

With JJ’s constant tutorials and a little bit of practice over the years you hit your target dead on. Except this time it wasn’t a beer bottle or a teddy bear, it was a human being and nothing could’ve prepared you for that.

Rafe continued to try and work you down from the shock and complete panic, rubbing your back and whispering sweet nothings into your hairline. He eventually brought a smile onto your face when he praised your accuracy and said how bad ass it was, “that’s my girl”.

“It was kind of badass wasn’t it?” He let out a laugh at your rebuttal. Even in your state of mind, the sound of it made your stomach tingle with butterflies.

“If I’m gonna be honest, after I realized what just happened and saw you standing there, I got a little turned o-“, you scoffed at his antics and pushed him away from you playfully. “Shut up.”

He pulled you back into him before you got any farther, wrapping both arms around your waist, in turn you grabbed his biceps, looking into the eyes that you love so much.

You let your smile fade a little when you saw his eyes glaze over, knowing he was about to get emotional.

“I’m serious, Y/N. You saved me and I couldn’t possibly thank you enough, please don’t feel guilty or anything like that. I would do anything for you too, y’know that.”

“I know, and seeing you like that, in that danger, made me sick and I-I just blacked out.” He nodded slowly in understanding, “but I’d do it again if it meant that you were ok.” you continued.

You were now the one stroking his arms in comfort, his head nodding up and down telling you he was processing it all. Now putting yourself on your tip toes to reach his face, you placed your lips on his in a loving kiss.

Pulling away, you placed your forehead on his. “It’s you and me, Cameron. Always.” He pulled away and placed a loving peck on the crown of your head, “Damn right, sweetheart.”

Taking his hand in yours, you began to walk back towards the direction that Kiara and JJ were. “Let’s go see if J found this fucking thing.”

Rafe scoffed but followed your lead, “I’ve had enough of this fairytale pogue sh-“, you gave him a ‘really?’ look, to which he held his hand up in defense and shrugged.

“They’ve made it this far, you’ve gotta hand it to them and besides, this is a little exciting don’t you think?”

He frowned and shook his head, “Almost just got stabbed to death but yeah, sure, having a grand old time.” You giggled at his sarcasm, used to it by now.

Walking up the hill, you exaggeratedly began to swing your intertwined hands back and forth to which he protested against immediately stating “this isn’t a rom-com, please stop” but deep down, he loved seeing you make light out of a shitty situation.

He knows it’s due to you being so used to doing it because of Luke growing up, which never fails to make his heart beat in rage, but everything in his world is ok, perfect, when he gets to see you smiling like this.

When you both reach the top, there’s an absence of your little brother and Kiara that causes your smile and stomach to drop. The sandstorm passed yet they’re still nowhere in sight.

“JJ?” you call out, in hopes that they’re possibly somewhere in ear range. Nothing.

“J! Kie! Guys?” You let go of Rafe’s hand, heading to go circle around the statue.

“Woah, don’t go by yourself. If they’re someplace close by they sure as hell didn’t stick around here, let’s head back towards the buildings. They probably met back up with John B and Sarah.”

You shook your head, “No, if they got the crown and were ok, they would’ve just came and found us. Rafe, somethings not right.” You started to head more towards the statue in hopes that they went a different direction but Rafe steps infront of you before you can get any further.

“Hey, stop. I know you’re worried but incase you forgot, it’s not just them that Daria’s men are looking for, ok? I’m not letting you get hurt in the process of trying to find them.”

You took the arm that he held out to his side as a barrier and shoved it. “Rafe, that’s my brother, please we need to at least look around the area and see-“ He began to side step along with you so you couldn’t move around him.

“I understand that, Y/N/N, but let’s use the brain I know you have and think rationally, alright? They probably went back with the group assuming we were there too, ok? Let’s start there.”

You shook your head in annoyance, you’ve always been stubborn and you’re certainly not budging about this. “All I’m saying, Rafe, is that we check around the area first, m-maybe they didn’t hear me when I yelled.”

“Baby, please listen to m-“

“John B! Pope! Y/N!”

You whipped your head to the direction of Kiara’s wail echoing through the air. A sound of desperation like you’ve never heard and don’t wanna hear again. “Oh my god.” you whispered in fear.

Rafe looked at you with agony in his eyes, recognizing the same fret in her voice that you did. Without any hesitation you took off down the hill, not listening to Rafe’s protest to “wait for him”.

Your mind was moving as fast as your legs, you didn’t know where you were going but it’s like your body knew exactly where to take you.

Weaving down and through the same maze like corridors that you had escaped from earlier led you closer to the sounds of your friends, “Kie?”, you yelled out in despair, now acknowledging Rafe’s footsteps a few seconds behind you.

You felt the room before you saw it, your stomach already declaring that somethings wrong, very wrong. Before you could brace yourself, you saw the image infront of you. Blood. John B shaking him. Kiara with her head on his chest and hands on his stomach. JJ.

“JJ?” you didn’t even recognize your own voice as it barely came out of your mouth, cracking and whispery, desperate and defeated.

Stumbling to a halt against Rafe’s chest, you felt your legs giving out from underneath you, a pair of arms coming to catch you before you collapsed. No, not him, please God, don’t do this to me, no. Rafe’s arms were the only thing keeping you stable while you began to crumble, him collapsing down to the floor with you as weeps exited your mouth, shaking your whole body.

You didn’t have to look at him very long to know he’s gone, you could feel it. Sobs and pleads from the group didn’t register against your own. It sounded so foreign coming out of your body. “He’s dead” you sobbed, physically feeling your heart breaking. “JJ, no”, you wailed. Your head feels a thousand pounds as you slowly lift it off the ground.

Rafe has his own placed against the top of your spine, his forehead making a known presence on your back, still gripping your arms as if you’ll go too if he doesn’t. To the best of your ability you try to stand, legs still feeling mush as you feel Rafe’s touch disappear the closer you get to your little brother.

Halfway through, you give up on the poor excuse for walking and collapse back to the ground again, now crawling towards his lifeless body. “JJ, wake up, please!”. The only sounds you can hear is the ringing in your ears, your sobbing screams and your heart breaking.

Your palm meets his face, already feeling so cold and lifeless, the exact opposite of JJ Maybank. “Please don’t do this to me. W-wake up, JJ!”. You continue stroking his cheek, patting it lightly a few times, hoping, begging, pleading for your brother to wake up.

Stroking his hair, you shake your head out of disbelief. Hushed whispers exit your lips, trying to reach the deepest parts of him.“I can’t do this without you JJ, don’t leave me.” It’s been you and him against the world, the shit hand you’ve been given wasn’t too bad when you had each other to fall back on.

Growing up you found solice in each other, you didn’t need anyone to help you or comfort you, you had your little brother and he had his older sister. When Luke was to drunk to help JJ get ready for school in the morning, it was you brushing his hair, picking out his outfit, making his lunch. With your mother long gone, you took pride in being that figure in his life and it was your greatest achievement, seeing the man he had turned into, no matter how rebellious and defiant, you loved him like your own, and now that he’s gone, what’s left for you?

“Who was it? Kiara, who did this to him?” you now turned your attention from JJ to Kie, her looking just as horrified as the rest of the group. A look of disgusted rage took over your face, your stomach bubbling with hatred.

She sniffled before speaking, “Chandler, h-he stabbed him, I- JJ saved me and gave him the crown, I don’t know- I can’t.” She began to sob, recalling the traumatic moment.

Motherfucker. If the betrayal wasn’t enough, knowing JJ was just trying to save his loved one and this is how he’s repaid?

You can’t see or think straight, one moment you’re mourning the loss of your best friend and the next you’re taking all the strength you have left and standing up with the gun on your hip, reloading the clip and heading towards the direction Kie said he went.

You don’t get very far before Sarah and John B rush to your side. “Y/N. Stay. We need you right now. Don’t do this.” You shake them off of you, sending your elbow into John B’s stomach in the process. “Get the fuck off of me.”

You whip around and point the gun at the group, they look at you in shock, not processing what’s going on. Your breathing is uneasy as you lick the forming sweat off your lips. “If any of you touch me one more time, I swear t-to God. I’m going to kill Groff and none of you are getting in my way.”

Looking around you see the faces of your best friends, sad, confused, and angry. The gun pointed at them has your stomach dropping. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry.” The gun you have aimed at them is making you sick all over again.

Rafe takes a few hesitant steps forward when he sees you begin to rub your chest anxiously, knowing it’s your way of trying to work your way down from a panic attack.

“Sweetheart, put the gun down, ok?” None of his words are registering with you. He’s gone, he’s gone, JJ’s dead.

Rafe catches you just before you start to collapse again, this time into the comfort of his chest and arms. He takes the gun that’s hanging loosely from your hand and reaches it behind his back for John B to take.

“Rafe, he’s dead. He’s g-gone.” sobbing the dreadful words into his chest, his shirt catching your tears. You’re both on the ground now, him cradling you like a toddler as he rocks you back and forth in comfort.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry, baby.” He strokes your hair and rubs your back, soaking in all of your pain. Your sobs begin to muffle as the others join in with you, still begging JJ to wake up, to open his eyes and to come back.

The weight of the air feels similar to your chest, no matter how much comfort and apologies Rafe whispers into your hair, it’s still not enough, your baby brothers gone and he’s never coming back.

The warmth of the fire fans your face. Emotionally and physically drained is where you and the Pogues have found yourself. Rafe keeps a steady eye on you as your head leans against his shoulder, knowing the last time you spoke was a few hours ago when he buried JJ, none of you being able to bring yourselves to do it.

Stray tears slip down your face, your expression remaining uninterested and dry. The only sound that can be heard is an occasional sniffing from the group and the cracks of the wood in the dying out fire infront of you.

You feel Rafe’s heartbeat against your back and his chest move when he talks. “I don’t know. If it was my friend I’d probably go after the guy that just killed him, yeah?” You take a steady breath in, getting ready to defend him when Pope tells him to “shut up”.

“You guys think that JJ would just sit here if it was one of us?” The whole group turns its attention to you, knowing you’ve been far too quiet for far too long, like JJ, you can be a ticking time bomb in moments like these.

John B is the first to speak up, “We all know what JJ would do. He’d get even.” You nod, still looking at the fire, kicking some sand as you stand up to begin pacing in rage.

Rafe watches your moves carefully, ready to defend you and back you up for whatever you’re about to say. He trusts you and he’s knows your best interest, you could tell him the sky was purple and he’d agree, while placing a loving kiss on your cheek.

You shake your head in agreement, feeling the never subsided rage bubble back up into your throat.

“Revenge.”

———————————————————————————

[obxsummer]

chaotic // ghost of you

pairing: jj maybank x routledge!reader

summary: a quick glimpse down memory lane before the group heads to charleston where you and john b are placed on cemetery duty. good thing a sibling intervention was needed and john b's hit with the heavy realization that you'd been left with more than superficial scars from the camerons.

warnings: ptsd, non-consensual drug use, angst, rafe cameron, typical obx violence, ward cameron being a dickhead, almost kidnapping?

a/n: good luck, godspeed, & listen to chaotic by tate mcrae

navigation -- series masterlist

ask me anything

--

“Would you do this to your sister?”

Rafe stared at you, horrified, as you hummed on the bed from the effects of the heavy indica based oil he’d put in your drink. You were practically on a cloud, and he was surprised you even had the energy to speak. You’d never asked him anything, just begged him to stop and let go, but never this.

“What?”

You forced yourself up to a sitting position, practically fluttering at the pain relief he’d given you. Rafe spent more time in this room with you, just talking and yelling and taking his anger out on you because you were there. You usually didn’t bother to comment back, just taking whatever he’d give because you’d given up on the idea of life getting any better. 

“Would you put Sarah through this?” You repeated, eyes blinking quickly at him. 

Rafe bent down to snort the line of white powder he’d organized on your calf; any other surface in the room and his dad would notice (or that’s what he told himself). “The fuck are you talking about?”

“I mean, John B would never do this to your sister, so why the hell are you doing it to his?”

The question caught Rafe off guard more than he expected. His dad had practically ruined his relationships with everyone he’d come to know. Except you, Ward had broken you into the perfect little companion for Rafe. There was no running away, nobody to come save you. So, in his own little twisted way, he really liked having you around. You were his.

“I don’t have to answer you,” Rafe replied weakly, knowing damn well he would’ve never allowed anything like that to happen to Sarah. Not…no? Maybe. He didn’t know anymore and his brain wasn’t working correctly now with the drugs in his system.

You sighed, “Okay.” Flopping back on the bedding, you stared at the ceiling. Your heartbeat was in your ears and it felt like time was passing so slowly.

“Would you ever forgive John B if he did that?”

You shook your head and gave him a thumbs down. “John B would never do that. And if he did, I’d never speak to him again.”

The statement hurt. As much as Rafe tried to convince himself that you were wrong, it hurt. He wanted to be good, to be worthy of someone’s love and attention. He’d tried his whole life to but he kept fucking up. That’s why he was leaning on you. You were fixing that hole in his chest whether you knew it or not.

“Would you ever talk to me again?” Rafe stared at the bland walls as he spoke.

A moment of silence filled the room before he turned to see if you were still awake. Your eyes remained unblinking, the rise and fall of your chest in a steady motion the only sign that you were still alive. 

“You’re really scaring me,” You answered honestly. Your mind was silent, the only thing running through it was Rafe’s question, so you had no reason to lie to him. “You’re hurting me. You’re really hurting me and I don’t understand why.”

Rafe turned away when you started crying, your form shivering in an adrenaline drop as you rolled onto your side away from him. He sat silently until your breathing evened out, eyes closing as you fell into an induced slumber before he turned the lights off and left the room, locking the door as he did.

--

John B was worried.

Let’s be clear, as the eldest of the group, John B worried often, but when it came to you, he always was. 

Everything was off since you and Kie had returned from the shop and it was practically a red flag waving in front of his face. Neither of you said anything but it was obvious from the timing of everything paired with tear tracks on your faces that something happened. He just had to wait it out for more details.

Revealing everything to Kie had brought up a lot of buried feelings and although you wanted nothing more than to hide away, you didn’t want to risk staying home by yourself. You were quiet the entire ferry ride, claiming you were tired and needed a nap so nobody would question your lack of energy. That didn’t mean you missed out on the conversations around you, eavesdropping your way into John B’s awkward insinuation of moving into the next step with Sarah.

The topic pulled tears to your eyes as you thought about the idea with JJ. Would you guys stay in Kildare? Would you move somewhere, or stay here and carry out a different kind of life that neither of you had experienced?

“So based on the captain’s log, Blackbeard’s in his ship, the Adventure, somewhere out there, and they’re being pursued by the British Royal Navy, right? So, he comes to shore, takes a bunch of hostages. They called it the, um, the-“

“Oh, the uh, the Blockade of Charleston. That was eighth-grade history.” John B interrupted Pope’s story with such confidence it almost brought you out of your shitty mood.

You walked slowly behind them, head covered by one of John B’s old Kildare High hoodies, the sweater paws keeping you warm. Kie was a few steps ahead of you, walking next to Sarah. Every now and then she would spare a glance back to make sure you were still there. Cleo walked ahead of everyone else, knife twirling between her fingers with murder on her mind. She would get her revenge on Terrance’s behalf.

Your attention drifted from John B and Pope’s conversation to your phone where your messages to JJ had gone unanswered. You knew he could hold his own, but you hated the thought of leaving him in search of his dad, not that he would’ve let you go anyway.

“Come on, Birdie.” John B had slowed his pace to walk along your side, his hand grabbing yours so you’d drop your head on his shoulder. “Wanna talk?”

You shook your head slightly but squeezed his hand in appreciation that he was here. Pope was busy solving the riddle left by the amulet that had brought you here.

“Wait, I have a question. So, if we’re talking about caskets, that doesn’t mean we’re going to another cemetery, right?”

You laughed softly at John B’s question, leaning further into his side as the six of you continued walking down the cobblestone street. The walk continued much longer than you would’ve liked, your mind and body ready to lay down for a little and reset.

“You know what’s been bothering me?” Pope asked after the sun had set and you’d walked a good 5 miles. “Blackbeard has a treasure he desperately wants to keep. He’s being pursued by the British Royal Navy. They’re blockading the entire city. Yet he finds time to make coffins to bury his cook and navigator?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, time out. Time out, time out. Dude, he definitely put something in those coffins.”

“Are you dumb.” You let go of John B’s hand to stop in front of him, giving him a blank look. He looked offended as you walked away from him, shaking your head as you did. It was quite obvious that you were looking for treasure hidden in the coffins.

“Half Moon, Half Moon Battery, where the living and the dead collide, which I figure is a cemetery, which means all we have to do is figure out where-“

“The North Star is?” Sarah finished Pope’s thought as she raised her hand to point to a stained-glass window of the church on the corner. You shrugged at her find, figuring it made sense to at least give it a shot.

John B wrapped an arm around his girlfriend. “Sarah Cameron, have I told you I love you lately?”

Pope stared at the colored object for a few more seconds before turning to address all of you. “Here’s the plan, alright? I’m gonna need you and you for diversions. You’re coming with me, I need to check something in the church. And you two are on cemetery duty.”

That put Sarah and Cleo on distractions, Kiara going with Pope, and you were left with John B for cemetery duty.

“Wait, what?” You asked as you looked around the darkness surrounding you and your brother seemed to be on the same page. “Don’t leave us out here!”

“Look for the gatekeeper in the cemetery,” Pope explained as the remainder of the group started walking toward the entrance. “Be so safe!”

You rolled your eyes at the ongoing joke, turning to face John B. “We just got benched.”

“Yep, where the living and dead collide, the Routledges will provide. Awesome,” He grumbled and walked around the gate to enter the graveyard area. “It’s not real, they’re dead. It’s gonna be fine, we’ll be fine.”

You sighed and let him rant away to himself as you found a spot on the stairs to claim for the upcoming time. Pulling John B’s hoodie sleeves further over your hands, you shivered with the cool night breeze.

“So, are you gonna tell me what the hell is going on or am I going to have to drag it out of someone else?” John B took a seat next to you and cracked his knuckles like it would make him any tougher. 

As much as you loved Kie, you knew she wasn’t good at keeping secrets, and you wanted to talk to John B before she went running. Your teeth pulled at the chapped skin of your lips before you answered, “I heard you on the ferry, talking to Sarah about starting a family.”

He seemed confused for a moment before his cheeks burned red. “Oh, that’s awkward. Um, that… that should’ve been a more private conversation and-”

“Would you hate Sarah if she didn’t have kids?”

The question wasn’t one John B anticipated. Out of all the things you guys had talked about before, raising a family wasn’t one discussed. With your own family relationship being rocky, John B never knew where you stood on the idea and if you’d ever want that for yourself (and JJ, but he tried not to think about that).

“No, n-no. I would be sad, of course, but I wouldn’t hate her. She totally dodged the idea, though so you don’t have to worry about-”

“Would you leave her?”

John B frowned and blinked at you, but you still weren’t looking at him. He wasn’t used to you asking about his relationship in this kind of way. “Why are you asking this?”

You pushed a shaky breath from your lips and let your head drop to your knees. God, you wished JJ was here. He deserved to hear this from you first, but he wasn’t, and you didn’t know when he would be.

“John B, I can’t have kids.” You turned to watch his expression as he processed your words. Your eyes were warm with tears while a million emotions crossed his face.

“What?” John B didn’t know what else to say. You guys were barely adults, and this topic shouldn’t even be a thought in your mind with the current living conditions and lack of funding you all had. But you were his little sister, and his heart was breaking as you spoke. “Can’t or won’t?”

Tugging on the sleeves of the hoodie again, you looked down. “Can’t. Physically unable. Never going to happen.”

John B paused at the coldness in your voice. You were obviously upset but he still wasn’t sure where all of this was coming from. Plus, let’s be real. John B was a teenage boy at the end of the day; female anatomy was not his strong suit in any way. “Oh, okay. Um, is there like a problem or-”

“Rafe caused it.”

--

The Cameron house was cold. Sunlight filled the room, casting some warmth across the hardwood floor but you made no effort to enjoy it. Rose had just dropped a salad off at the door and told you that DCS would be visiting today, to get your shit together and not to mess anything up or Ward would go after your friends. You didn’t know whether to believe him or not, but you had nothing left to go off of. You hadn’t seen your friends in weeks, and you didn’t know if they even bothered to look for you.

DCS had yet to make any checkups on you and your brother since your dad disappeared, minus the one that John B narrowly avoided by jumping from the car when you thankfully weren’t home. You figured Ward had paid them off for so long, but now that John B was lost to sea, they were likely to get suspicious. 

Which meant they were coming to talk to you. Alone.

Perfect.

Forcing your tired and bruised body to your feet, you made your way into the attached bathroom to soak under the hot water and formulate a plan. If DCS did opt to talk to you, there had to be a way to get a silent SOS across. You didn’t know how, but you would come up with something, even if Rafe and Ward followed your every move. 

After soaking up most of the hot water, you finished getting ready for the day, pulling on a pair of shorts and one of John B’s t-shirts that had gotten mixed in your laundry. It would only be a matter of time before they’d come knocking at the door to collect you for show and tell.

Your eyes moved over everything in the room with hope something would pop up with an answer for all of your problems. And then you remembered the remaining food tray in the room. Ward or whoever dropped food to you typically left plastic wear to prevent you from using the typicaly cutlery as a resource, but that wasn’t the case today. Your eyes caught the metal knife that was intended to cut the meal, but you hadn’t touched it.

You grabbed the piece in your hand and moved slowly to to the door, running over JJ’s instructions in your head on how to possibly pop the lock using the tool. Pushing it between the door and the wall, you felt around for the horizontal lock, struggling to move it over. And then there was a pop, and your heart started racing.

Pressing your ear against the door, you listened for footsteps and voices, anything that would give you a warning of someone being nearby. When you didn’t hear anything, your fingers gently twisted the doorknob as far as it would go. A soft click told you it was yours to open as you pleased, so you did so, slowly.

The hallway was dim minus the sunlight leaking in from other rooms and your eyes caught sight of the large grandfather clock to your side. The ticking of the hands echoed down the silent hallway and you stood frozen for a moment before taking your first steps out. 

And nothing.

No yelling, no alarms, no impromptu body tackles to the floor. You could make this. You could make a run for it and they would be none the wiser until DCS was here.

Walking slowly down the hallway, you came to the foyer area where you could hear whispers from the kitchen filtering through. Moving into Sarah’s room, you glanced around for something, anything, that would help you get out of here without any suspicion. 

“Go get her. They’ll be here soon and I need to make sure she’s not going to run her mouth.”

“Dad, she’s going to-”

“Now, Rafe.”

You held your breath as Rafe mumbled an agreement and the sound of his footsteps echoed through the open room as he ascended the stairs. You needed to move, and move fast. Rafe cursed down the hall, likely figuring out that the door was unlocked and you clutched the butter knife tighter in your hand like it would offer any protection.

Ducking into Sarah’s walk-in closet, you scrambled to find an old phone or even her laptop if she’d left it behind but came up empty. “Shit,” You whispered to yourself and bent down to pull on a pair of her gym shoes since yours had been destroyed from years of wear. If nothing else, you needed to prepare to run. 

Grabbing a black hoodie from her shelves, you slipped it on over your t-shirt and pulled the hood up to keep your face hidden as much as possible. You would only have one shot at this, and you needed to make it count. 

Moving slowly toward Sarah’s bedroom door, you waited to see if you could hear Rafe’s presence down the hall but silence followed. The doorbell rang, Ward yelling out for his son in hopes that he would bring you down but Rafe didn’t answer.

“Hi, I’m Rebecca Sinclair with DCS. I’m presuming you’re Mr. Cameron.” 

Risking the step into the open, you walked out of Sarah’s room and kept your body pressed against the wall so you would be out of view for Ward and the DCS rep but could see their conversation.

“That would be me. Come in, can I get you something to drink?”

Rebecca shook her head. “This should be fairly quick. Where is Miss Routledge? I have to do an individual check in with her and then one with you as the legal guardian.”

“Let me go see where she’s at. She’s been having a really hard time with the loss of her brother and my daughter. They were such good friends, and-”

“Miss Routledge, please, Mr. Cameron.”

The DCS rep clearly wasn’t putting up with Ward. You took the chance to step forward into view, your mouth opening to yell out before someone’s hand clamped over your face and an arm yanked you back from view. You screamed against the action, the sound echoing throughout the hall.

“Apologies, she’s been crying all day. I’ll go grab her.”

Body thrashing, you attempted to pull out of Rafe’s grasp but he doubled down on his grip, even when you attempted to bite his hand. 

“Shut the fuck up or I’ll kill you!” He hissed in your ear as he dragged you down the hallway back into the room you’d seen for days upon days. Rafe tried to close the door as quietly as possible while still corralling you in his arms.

He slammed you against the bed covers, knee driving into your stomach as he kept his hand over your mouth. You cried out at the force, tears springing to your eyes at the pain that followed. You tried to push against his chest so he would get off, his other hand tightening around your throat causing the air to stop its way into your lungs.

You choked, eyes going wide as you stared back at him in hopes that he would find some sort of empathy and forgiveness, but cold eyes met yours. 

“I told you to shut the fuck up, you useless Pogue. I should kill you for-”

“Rafe.” Ward’s voice was demanding enough that his son stopped speaking but continued to glare at you. “Move your hand.”

Rafe complied, taking his hand from your throat but keeping the one on your mouth. You continued to push at him until he dropped more of his weight into the knee on your stomach and you cried again.

Ward’s face came into view, his sickly fake smile on his face as he held a small syringe into your view. “You could’ve just listened, you know? And we wouldn’t have to go to these lengths.”

He wasn’t gentle as he pushed the needle into your skin, subjecting you to whatever sedative he’d claimed good enough to handle your outburst. 

Your body went quiet within seconds, muscles relaxing and a numbness spreading from limb to limb. Your imaginary fight with Rafe ended and tears fell from your eyes at the helpless feeling. After a moment, Rafe moved his hand and shifted off of you as Ward tossed a spare blanket over your form.

“Go to your room, I’ll handle this.” 

You could tell Rafe wanted to disagree with Ward’s directions, but with a final glare your way, he removed himself from the room. Ward watched as your expression drooped, eyes blinking slower as the medicine kicked in. 

“I told you, you’ll never see them again.”

Heavy tears blinked from your eyes as you tried to fight through, tried to stay awake to warn the woman downstairs of your horrendous conditions, of how damaged they’d left you. But you couldn’t, despite all your efforts, you couldn’t. 

And as your vision faded to black, all you could think of was your brother and how you wanted to be with him again, more than anything in the world. 

--

And now, John B was going to be sick to his stomach so he stood up to pace while fighting the bile in his throat. Rafe Cameron. Rafe Cameron took away something you’d never even had a chance to consider.

“Did he…” The open ended question made John B dizzy at the thought of everything that you’d gone through, and when you shook your head no, he choked out a cough instead of the lunch he was threatening to leave in the bush.

You watched him from your spot on the stairs, heart racing as you recounted everything you’d told Kie earlier that day. “There was so much, um, scar tissue from the kicking…and the drugs. A-and they said it caused permanent damage that even if I wanted to get pregnant, I wouldn’t make it long.”

“When did you find out? The hospital? Or-or-” John B stopped pacing, his hand tugging at his hair to keep him from absolutely raging in the cemetery.

“It was when you got arrested,” You continued to explain around your tears before he lost his chill. “There was so much bleeding and… I didn’t know what to do…so I told Pope, and his dad took me to the hospital and-”

“Pope knows?” John B had never sounded so upset at the idea of one of his best friends finding out this information before he did. You were his sister, his other half no matter what happened. He wanted you to trust him, to lean on him for everything and anything you wanted. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

You shrugged lightly, your voice cracking as you spoke, “Because I’m embarrassed? And ashamed and JJ’s going to leave when he finds out and-”

John B picked you up from the stairs and held you so tightly, he could’ve sworn you disappeared. His chest shook with your sobs as you sunk into the embrace. You weren’t even 19 yet and the possibility of growing a family with your boyfriend, John B’s best friend, was practically non-existent. 

Adoption was always an option, but John B knew what you were grieving, because he had almost grieved it when he lost Sarah on that table in Nassau. Plus, let’s not lie, the chances of you all getting your shit together and getting approved for that kind of thing were slipping away by the day. There was still so much time in your lives (you hoped), that you shouldn’t be hearing this news at such a young age, but like you said, life had been so cruel. 

John B stood there, with you in his arms, for as long as you’d let him. You cried for most of it, but a part of you was relieved he knew. You had tried to keep the conversation away as long as possible, like if you didn’t speak of it, you’d never have to accept that it was real. But it was, and you had to come to the realization that John B wouldn’t be an uncle to kids that you’d created on your own, that JJ wouldn’t ever get to redeem himself as a Dad to kids of his own, that you’d never get that experience.

 “I’m so sorry, I… I should’ve been there, I should’ve never left without you,” John B apologized and placed his hand on the back of your head to hold you closer. “God, I shouldn’t have-I didn’t mean for this to happen. I never meant for any of this to happen.” 

 “‘S not your fault,” You mumbled, every word being so honest. It had taken a lot of thought, but you couldn’t and you wouldn’t blame John B for what he’d done. He was a terrified kid, and you were too in your own ways. He was running for his life and you were watching from the sidelines. Older and younger. Brother and sister. Trapped in this horrible spiral life had given you.

“What are we looking for?”

An unsuspecting voice had you and John B diving for a hiding spot, your brother tugging you behind a gravestone that would keep both of you from prying eyes. John B held a finger to his lips, teary eyes making contact with yours as you were wrenched out of your heartbreaking conversation and back into reality. 

Keeping his hand on your shoulder to hold you out of view, John B peeked around the gravestone to see two figures wandering the cemetery with a lantern, obviously looking for something other than a deceased loved one. 

“We’re looking for an angel. A gatekeeper. One that looks a bit like her. Hello, Stede Bonnet,” A woman answered the question. “Isn’t that a beauty? Excellent, come on.”

You shivered, whether from the cool stone against your back or fear, you didn’t know and risked glancing over to see the two figures investigating another grave a few feet away from you. They were pulling out heavy tools in an attempt to open whatever was lying inside. 

“Shit,” John B whispered as you watched the woman place the amulet you’d found in the shipwreck into the stone, the headstone scraping open as she did. You quickly recognized the man as the one who had caught you and JJ while diving and again in the hospital, so that left this woman to be his boss.

After a moment of silence and more scraping noises, they disappeared under the stone, down into the tomb that lay beneath. Thunder cracked overhead and you jumped, grabbing onto John B’s arm in surprise. 

He moved away slowly and your grip tightened to stop him. “John B!”

“Shh, just stay behind me. We’re so not done with that conversation, by the way.”

You shuffled out slowly in fear of someone getting the jump on the two of you. John B paused in front of the headstone that the two people from earlier read; the angel statue had an outstretched hand, which you followed to the tomb they disappeared in.

“The gatekeeper will guide the way,” John B repeated as he followed your gaze. “Holy shit.”

“Holy shit,” You gasped out in shock, realizing they very much had figured out the words on the amulet faster than you’d planned. “Do you think…”

“They’ll be fine,” John B reassured, although you couldn’t tell if he was speaking more to himself or you. “They’re smart. Right?”

You tilted your head in consideration. “Better than us being down there.”

“Yeah, yeah. Way better than us.”

“Pope’s super smart.”

“Right and Cleo’s got her knife.”

“Sarah’s not dumb, she’ll be fine.”

“Kie can have her moments, but-”

Your reasoning was cut off as the headstone shifted and the two individuals from earlier climbed out. John B pushed you behind him further into the shadows of the building as you watched on with curious gazes. Lightning lit up the sky before thunder boomed around you, the storm clearly moving in closer despite your wishes. 

You needed to find your friends. And fast.

--

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[stargirlinterludefr]

1 STEP FORWARD, 3 STEPS BACK: rafe cameron x fem!reader

Based off of the song 1 step forward, 3 steps back by Olivia Rodrigo

Synopsis: It’s always 1 step forward and 3 steps back with Rafe, until you’ve finally had enough.

TW: Toxic relationship, emotional & verbal abuse, drug usage, references to sexual relations but no smut, addiction, heavy angst, small amount of fluff, guilt tripping for not having sex (I do NOT condone any of this, you should never be made to feel guilty if you don’t want to sleep with someone!), Rafe being an arsehole

Word count: around 3,500

‘Called you on the phone today

Just to ask you how you were

All I did was speak normally

Somehow I still struck a nerve

You’re laid down on your front, hand mindlessly plucking at your lilac coloured blanket as your other hand holds your phone close to your ear, waiting for your boyfriend to answer your call.

“Hello?” Rafe’s deep voice rings through the other end, cutting out the ringing sound that you’d been listening to whilst waiting on an answer.

You smile softly, “Hey baby, just thought I’d ring, not heard off of you in a few hours.” You say, still plucking mindlessly at your blanket as Rafe sniffles down the phone before he answering.

“Uh yeah, been busy with Barry sorry, what’ve you been up to?” He asks, and while deep down you know he’s distracted and probably doesn’t even care about what you’ve been doing as long as you’re not out flirting with other boys or…out doing anything at all.

“Barry? I didn’t realise you were hanging with him today, is he doing okay?” You ask sweetly, kind nature shining through despite how much you disliked Barry for continuing to get Rafe involved with dealings.

“Why you sound so mad about me hanging with Barry, huh?” Rafe snaps back and your heart plummets to your stomach as you pause your mindless ministrations on your blanket.

“Wha- I’m not mad, baby, I was just asking-“ You start but you don’t have the opportunity to finish as Rafe is quick to cut you off.

“Well fucking don’t! I don’t wanna deal with your bitchy attitude, it’s like you- you’re judging me or something so just cut it out a’ight? Get enough of that from my fucking dad, didn’t know my girl would be all up in my business to.” He says, voice agitated and slurred making it clear to you he’d been snorting up lines like there was no tomorrow.

You stay still in your place, eyes laced with tears that were on the verge of falling if you didn’t swallow the lump in your throat.

“What, you gone mute or something?” Rafe snaps and you jolt slightly, clearing your throat as you answer.

“M’ sorry.” You mutter, voice strained and quiet as though he’d zapped every inch of energy and happiness from you in a matter of seconds.

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” He scoffs, the sound of beeping ringing through your speaker signifying that he’d ended the call and as you slowly lower your phone from your ear, silent tears stream down your face and instead of picking mindlessly at your blanket you bury your face into it.

You got me fucked up in the head, boy

Never doubted myself so much

Like, am I pretty? Am I fun, boy?

I hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff

Parties had become something you dreaded immensely.

Rafe would usually leave you as soon as you arrived, seeking out people to sell his stuff to and snorting so many lines of it that you’d be left to deal with either his raging temper or his raging boner.

Despite that fact, you made sure you looked your prettiest each time. At the start of your relationship, Rafe showered you in compliments each time you’d get all dressed up but now he’d simply complain about how long you took and then he’d go flirt with some other look or touron making you seriously question whether you were even pretty enough anymore.

And at this particular party? You felt the burning pit of insecurity like it was etched onto your skin.

You were sat beside Rafe, two other kook girls across from you who were alongside Kelce and Barry.

Rafe was pouring out some coke from a small baggie, organising it into lines as he glanced toward you briefly.

“You want some?” He asks, pupils blown as wide as spaceships.

“No, I’m okay.” You say immediately, you’d never wanted to indulge in things like cocaine as you’d drawn the line at weed and alcohol.

“Oh my god, you’re like no fun are you? Live a little, girl.” One of the kook girls hanging off Kelce’s arms says, making the surrounding people laugh in response as their eyes dart to you.

And the worst part? Rafe laughs along with them.

“Alright then.” You mutter quietly, making the same girl holler in excitement as Rafe smiles, gesturing to the lines of cocaine he’d organised.

“All yours, baby.”

And as you sniff up the line of coke, you wonder when you’d let Rafe have so much power over the way you perceived yourself.

‘Cause it's always one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

The next morning you woke up to a regretful Rafe, the boy showering you with a million apologies for essentially forcing you to do something you’d never been comfortable doing in the past.

You’d assured him it was okay but he still preached his guilt, continuing to spend the remainder of the day spoiling you with a shopping trip and ending it with a walk on the beach.

The day had you feeling hopeful, Rafe had promised earlier on that he’d atleast stop doing cocaine around you so you wouldn’t be forced to.

This was progress…wasn’t it?

The hope you felt quickly diminished when you caught sight of your old friends, JJ and John B.

And JJ would be damned if he didn’t say hello to you, while you never talked much to the Pogues anymore JJ’s loyalty was impossible to extinguish. If the Maybank boy cared about you, he wasn’t ever going to let those feelings diminish.

“Ain’t this a sight for sore eyes?” A voice calls from behind you, making yours and Rafe’s heads whip around as you come face to face with JJ who is lightly jogging toward you both. John B trailing slowly behind as he adjusts two surf boards under his arms.

“How you been, y/n/n?” He asks, head cocking to the side as his messy blonde hair moves softly with it.

You open your mouth to speak but Rafe quickly cuts you off, hand tightening on your own “She’s good.”

JJ’s face immediately drops as he narrows his eyes, “Don’t think I was asking you, bro.” He says dryly as Rafe clenches his jaw.

“You gonna answer then?” Rafe spits out, making you look at him with pleading eyes, knowing by the look on his face that he was going to end this in a fight with you.

He simply gives you a glare and you turn to JJ, eyes not daring to meet his.

“Uh yeah, I’ve been good, you?” At your words Rafe lets out a scoff and you bite your lip anxiously, praying to whatever god that whatever has him mad will be resolved quickly.

“You know me, I’m always a’ight, you should uh come by the Chateau soon so we can catch up with ya…we’ve missed you.” JJ says, eyes trained intently on you as he ignores Rafe’s looming presence.

“Yeah, that sounds real nice.” You say, smiling softly and before you can say anything else Rafe is tugging you away.

“Yeah, real good to see you JJ, always a fucking pleasure!” He shouts sarcastically, ignoring how the blonde boy calls out your name when John B finally makes it to his side. You send an apologetic smile over your shoulder as Rafe’s hand detaches from your own.

“That sounds real nice?” Rafe parrots your words, eyes wild with anger as he scoffs to himself continuing his rapid walk back to the truck.

“What else was I supposed to say?” You ask desperately, running slightly to keep up with Rafe’s fast paces as he refuses to slow down for you.

“Rafe!” You call out when he doesn’t respond, the two of you now all but five meters from his truck.

That’s when he spins back to face you, face scrunched in anger as he points at you.

“I’ll tell you what your fucking problem is, y-you can’t be happy with what I’m giving you so you put on the sad kicked puppy act when Maybank is around for what? Huh? You fucking him or something?” Rafe shouts in anger, now towering over you as you all but freeze in your place.

“What? No I’m not fucking Jay, Rafe. I haven’t seen him in months, ever since you told me to stop hanging round with my friends!” You say, voice trembling as you attempt to hold back tears of frustration not missing the way Rafe’s eyes flash with more anger.

“You might as well be fucking him, you got nicknames for him and shit?” He states mockingly, letting out a dry laugh when you go to correct your mistake as a force of habit from your childhood, he spins back toward his truck before you can even respond. “Go hang with Maybank for all I care, prove how much of an attention seeking whore you are.”

Your brows furrow as Rafe rounds his truck, clambering into it as you step forward.

“Rafe?” You call out, listening to him start his truck and rev the engine. You begin walking toward the truck but Rafe reverses so quickly that sand flicks up leaving you to shield your face when he spins the truck around,leaving you stood there.

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

You receive an abundant of text messages from Rafe later on in the same night as your pacing the small space of your room, nibbling anxiously on your nails.

Rafe 💜: am sory baby

Rafe 💜: Pogue get me soooooo pissed

Rafe 💜: I lobe u so moch ❤️❤️

You let out a groan of frustration at the words, your mind spinning as though you’d experienced whiplash. You didn’t know how to keep up anymore, you didn’t understand.

No, I don't understand

You: I love you too 🤍

And maybe in some masochistic way

I kinda find it all exciting

Like, which lover will I get today?

Will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?

Your sat reading on the dock at the back of your house, one foot dangling into the water when your phone buzzes.

Rafe 💜: coming over.

Your stomach churns with an excited sort of nervousness, mind reeling on how Rafe is going to be today.

His emotional imbalance had made such an impact upon your own that you didn’t know how to feel anymore, whatever you felt was never right in his eyes.

you: okay, on the dock <3

When you hear Rafe’s footsteps drawing closer you don’t dare look up, pretending to be engrossed in your book to see how he would react.

Whether he’d be his teasing normal self that you’d fallen in love with or the coked up angry Rafe that you’d grown to hate.

Rafe steps grow dangerously near and his voice comes along with them, “That book so interesting it mutes your hearing?” He asks, voice boarding on teasing as you look up at him a few meters from you.

You smile and shrug, “It’s a good book.”

Rafe cocks a brow, coming to a standstill in front of you as locks down upon you.

“That good book better than my presence?” He asks, and some part of you sighs in relief at his calm demeanour and undiluted pupils.

“Not a chance.” You say, holding your hands out for Rafe to pull you up and as he does he picks you up into a tight hug and spins the both of you around as you squeal in delight.

It's one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

“Come on baby, please.” Rafe pleads with you, hands tugging at the waistband of your pants in the country club bathroom as you give him a pointed look.

“Not here Rafe.” You say softly as he groans, head on your shoulder.

“We’ve done it here before.” He says in response, lips suckling on your neck as you laugh, gently prying him away from you.

“Yeah, when we weren’t at a business party with your father here.” Rafe then stands to his full height, his jaw ticking and your stomach immediately drops at the quick shift in demeanour.

“My father’s never seemed to bother you before.” He says, referring to the abundant amount of times the two of you have fucked in the house while Ward was just downstairs.

You sigh softly, “We’re at a business party, baby, I promise when we get home-“

Rafe withdraws his hands from you and runs one through his bangs, “Whatever.” He mutters, moving swiftly toward the bathroom door as you reach out for him.

“Rafe, talk to me, what’s wrong?” The boy in question turn his head and rolls his eyes.

“What’s wrong is my girl is more interested in my father than me.” He says simply, shrugging as he goes “I didn’t even wanna fuck anyway, you make it to much work.”

And like a child who’d been refused his favourite toy, Rafe leaves you stood there swallowing the all too familiar lump in your throat.

No, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?

It's back and forth, goin' over everything I said

It's back and forth, did I do something wrong?

It's back and forth, maybe this is all your fault

Instead it's one step forward and three steps back

Rafe had been giving you the silent treatment since you’d gotten to Tanny hill, only exchanging a grunt in response to you when you placed a kiss to his head as you sat beside him.

Your mind was raking over whatever it is you’d done wrong as you sit on his bed, anxiously waiting for him to come off of the phone to see if he’d talk to you.

You’d be a fool to yourself if you said this wasn’t a regular occurrence, Rafe constantly gave you the silent treatment in response to something.

And then he’d act like you were stupid for thinking such things.

You’re mind couldn’t pin point a thing you’d done wrong nor could it pin point anything you’d said wrong.

You should know by now that this is Rafe’s way, when he’s annoyed at everyone else he takes it out on you. When he doesn’t want to face his own emotions he pushed them onto you so you can face them. Like his own personal punching bag, you should know it’s not your fault yet you feel like it is every time.

When Rafe re emerges from the balcony, he lies down on the bed beside you as you remain sat up trying to find the courage to ask him the question that often leads to him essentially biting your head off.

“Are you mad at me?” You blurt out, turning to look at Rafe who sighs loudly in annoyance.

“Not this shit again.” He groans, rubbing a hand over his face as you fiddle with your fingers.

“I- you just seem quiet today s’all.” You point out and you can predict Rafe’s response before he even says it.

“What? I can’t be quiet now? It’s all good when you wanna be quiet but when it’s me I’m suddenly mad at you?” He asks rhetorically as you shrug half heartedly, avoiding his gaze as he sighs again bringing himself to a sitting position as he places his chin on your shoulder.

“Stop asking me stupid shit, a’ight?” He says and all you can do is nod numbly.

And I'd leave you, but the roller coaster is all I've ever had

As youre walking out of Tanny Hill, face wet with tears due to another screaming match with Rafe, a voice calls out your name from behind you.

You’re quick to wipe your cheeks when you realise it isn’t Rafe, it’s Sarah.

You turn, forcing a smile onto your face as she approaches you, and by the look on her face you know she heard.

“Hey Sare, everything good?” You ask, voice hoarse due to the amount of shouting and crying you’d done.

“I should ask you that, are you okay?” She says softly, brown eyes so kind that your heart nearly breaks to think of how much anger her brother’s blue ones hold.

“You heard, huh?” You ask, watching as she nods, “Look, he- he’s just had a long day and-“

“Y/n, he’s always either had a long day or he’s had a fight with our dad, that doesn’t justify the way he treats you.” She states, deja vu hitting you remembering the similar conversation the two of you had but in that conversation she’d been cautious with what she’d said to you but it was obvious now that caution had gone out of the window.

You stand silently, biting your lip as you look at your former friend “But he loves me.” You whisper, as if that justifies anything.

Sarah’s face breaks out in so much empathy that you swear you can hear both of your hearts break, “Love isn’t supposed to be that hard.” She says and you suck in a harsh breath, “He does love you but…not in the way you deserve.”

Tears roll down your cheeks once more as you respond, “How am I supposed to know what I deserve? I’ve never known anyone else’s love apart from his.”

Sarah immediately brings you into her arms, hugging you so tightly that you have no choice but to let yourself fall into the embrace.

Yeah, it's one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy

I don't understand

You and Rafe sit silently together at one of Rose’s infamous parties, your eyes trained intently on both Sarah and John B as the Routledge boy spins her around whilst watching her with such a lovesick expression that it makes your stomach churn.

You don’t think Rafe has ever looked at you in such a way.

Not even Ward argued with the fact that Sarah was dating a Pogue, JB was so fiercely in love with his daughter that everyone with eyes could see it. He worshipped the ground she walked on making you come to realisation that Rafe had never been that way with you.

Your head turns to said boy as you speak up, “Do you love me?” You ask, making Rafe slowly turn his head toward you in return, the motion slow due to how high he is.

You don’t think he’s been sober properly since you got together, and you know he won’t be sober any time soon.

You’d helped him in every way you could, he threw it all back into your face.

He needed to figure his shit out for himself now.

“You really asking me stupid shit again?” He asks harshly, yet this time, you don’t waver in your response and you chose to ignore the lump in your throat.

“It’s a simple question, Rafe.” You state calmly, eyes twinkling with such a small amount of hope for whatever thread is hanging on in yours and Rafe’s relationship.

Rafe simply stares at you, as though he can’t bring himself to say the words he’s always eager to say when he wants to get you into bed.

You nod, hope dying out as the thread finally snaps and you unlatch the necklace he’d given you, signifying you breaking free of the prison he’d had you in for over a year.

“I hope you get better Rafe, but I don’t think you’re ever going to do that when you’re with me, I don’t want to be the thing that takes on all your shitty emotions…you need to face them for yourself.” You say, gently prying apart his clenched palm and placing the necklace there before you stand up.

Rafe is quick to follow, calling out for you as you walk away, ignoring the multiple gazes on you and the attention drawn toward you at Rafe’s desperate shouts.

Somewhere in the crowd, Sarah and John B watch with small smiles, happy you’d finally made the first step for yourself.

No, I don't understand

Two weeks later and you’re sat on the front porch at the Chateau, hair flowing softly in the morning breeze as you watch the sunrise.

Rafe had been non stop texting you during the duration of your split, words of love and hatred that you still couldn’t begin to understand no matter how hard you tried.

You did come to the realisation that he’d never even allowed you to understand him, despite how hard you’d tried.

He’d attempted to come to your house but you’d made the wise decision to crash at John B’s, rekindling your friendship with the Pogues as they welcomed you with open arms. Eyes filled with immense guilt for not realising how bad things had gotten with you and Rafe but also with so much love that you’d felt overwhelmed, you didn’t realise such love still existed.

You smile softly to yourself, eyes dancing over the colours coating the sky and you decided things would be okay.

You’d be okay.