#something I forgot to post last week

[makorragal-312]

Here's the thing:

I can empathize with Emma to some degree. At the end of the day, she's just a girl with an intense crush on Itsuomi and constantly makes her feelings known to him hoping that one day, he'll feel the same way. Just peek high school girl behavior.

HOWEVER...

It has been literal years and Itsuomi has made it clear more than once that he is not interested and he's now in a relationship with Yuki. And Emma refuses to get the hint and even went as far as to try and make up a lie about spending the night with Itsuomi to chase Yuki away. So when she's at her job crying about how Itsuomi "ghosted" her over text, it's hard for me to feel even remotely bad for her.

Again, I feel for her on the "unrequited love" front. But for everything else, she needs to move on.

[tempo-takoyaki]

Memories of the past.

[crimsongrimoire]

my boys. i miss them

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[dawnthefluffyduck]

Dess from the Deltarune comic Looking Glasses by @ferronickel, I loved her design at first sight so here's the promised fanart; check out the original comic! It's very much worth the read :D

[astrum99]

The thing about freedom is that no one tells you how hard it is.

It should be exhilarating, it should be freeing, it should be the best thing he had ever experienced.

But he found himself missing control. Concrete constraint over his acts; tasks lined, sequenced, culling the creatures of hell in clear arraignments. He did not have to reason every decision, only to deliver justice as a faithful blade. Complete confinement removes the burden of the self. The control from the council cast upon him, and it cut away the part of himself that he did not realize existed.

Perhaps he did, but non-acknowledgement is always easier than to grieve the loss of it. Plus, to deny cravings is to provide proof of perfect devotion.

So, he thought of nothing and equated kindness to killing.

And when it crashed down upon him, there was no longer a home (a prison; the sheath of a bloody sword) to return to. What reverberates inside him is not relief, but grand, grotesque grief. Over his past transgressions, over the slaughter of his superiors, over the loss of control. He knew not to seek fruitless redemption, but that did little to quell the restless regret occupying the same small space between the dips of his ribs as the looming giant of emptiness nesting in the crevice between the lungs and the skin.

And the shame. Oh God, the shame.

Somewhere below the small abstract concepts of “right”, “just”, and “fair”, it festered and spread, stretched like tendrils into veins, then capillaries. It crawled into him until he wished to shed his skin. Introspection did little to help. It fed this insistent infection abundantly until he was paralyzed – spiralling in the limitless expanse between each letter of F, R, E, E that was somehow still needle-thin enough to squeeze his lungs until breathless.

Logically, he knew he should not be ashamed for delivering one final justice, for the total liberation of all that still exists. It was the only choice he was given, and he chose what was just.

He did not regret his actions, but that did not mean he was not hurt and haunted.

So all of it does little to quell the spill of thorned vines in his veins. Shame was jagged and cruel, aggressive betrayal born from the same place that once hosted the holy Light. Between hell’s stagnant air and the sharpness of silence, it slotted firmly into the depth of his psyche, steadfast and unwavering like faith. They snagged and sliced his flesh at every movement until reality flayed apart at the edges of his mind. When he was still, he had the sensation of falling.

Was this the damnation?

To suffer in freedom in the last few hours of his life? To experience all and thrash under the terribly tangled amalgamation of emotions unfamiliar and frightening? To falter in the complex contradictions at the core of all creations and come undone by the simple brutality of it?

To see into reflections on his swords and unable to recognize the self that stared back?

How ironic, to be free from chains and miss them profusely so; to be released and realize your incapacity to function without imprisonment. Freedom is the absence of restraint, and he found himself lost within the infinite abyss.

When he looked inside of himself, he found the same chasm confined under the thin layer of skin. It swallowed him whole.

[vicsbasement]

can't wait to soar (charlos, model!actor au)

chapter 1 - something we can build

chapter 2 - hey i'm just like you (a little messed up and blue)

chapter 3 - we could be so good

chapter 4 - a wandering heart

Charles didn’t cook, as Carlos would soon discover.

[humanmorph]

my baseless palisade 2 speculation is that while listening to Jack + Austin in pal56 I thought it could be fun if the protocol was part of the next system they're using somehow since it's become so important. like characters have "favors" btw them instead of bonds or w/e. now I don't know how much sense that would make for returning characters who have a sense of arbitrage contracts & how scary they are - while of course the protocol doesn't have anything to do with contracts, as it's been stressed, one could make a comparison - or the revolution in general? It'd immediately compromise player characters to an extend given arbitrage is the big bad, but this can be cool (really depends on the story setting out to be tell(hence the baseless part of the speculation)). mostly I just like when big setting stuff is directly reflected in the rules for the game so the narrative & system can influence each other back & forth.

[slaasherslut]

Walker from Masters of Horror character scene pack

[sysig]

Your Weekly TV Guide

On Monday you can expect:

2:30 PM: Sona reacts to holidays

And Tuesday:

2:30 PM: Original - Old Adopts

Wednesday:

2:30 PM: Undertale - Papyrus

Thursday:

2:30 PM: Original - Old OCs

Friday:

2:30 PM: Original - Nequam (ft. Papyrus)

Saturday:

2:30 PM: Handplates (ft. Baby Todd AU)

Sunday:

2:30 PM: Sona reacts to happies!

Thanks for tuning in! (Patreon)

[millenniumringg]

I think. Perhaps I will reblog some old art

[ballsballsbowls]

I suspect if I was smart I would use this burst of popularity to shill for my not-a-sideblog sideblog.

But i still only have a handful of posts so it feels very weird to do.

None of them are even about shopping yet!

[arctic-hands]

I should totally learn how to brew my own mead or cider

[oflgtfol]

are you for fucking real. okay so back in spring 2020 i didnt have friends on campus yet but i met this guy in my physics 1 lecture who i started talking with and i was like oh wow yay maybe we can be friends and i really wanted a friend on campus bc i was a lonely freshman but then he started getting weird. like really clingy. i was like my good dude ive only known you for 2 weeks why are you talking about going to get dinner off campus at a restaurant together. i was all around kinda weirded out and he was like always wanting to hang out like i need private time and he was constantly texting me and then getting MAD when i took a day or two to respond and then he started criticizing my personality for it, like oh you know youre going to lose everyone you love if you keep doing that, and i was like. well my closest friends who i love very dearly recognize that im really bad at texting and theyre fine with it so i mean.... but he was just so weird and he was kinda pushy about getting me to drive him around which made me uncomfortable being alone with him in my car but he was so pushy about it etc etc just a bunch of weird shit so i quickly came to dread having to be around him despite how eager i was to have a friend

so then . covid happened. and i used it as an opportunity to ghost him LMFAO i never talked to him since

BUT NOW. GUESS WHAT. on linkedin on the side of my profile it says "people also viewed" AND IT LISTS THIS FUCKING GUY. WHAT ARE THE ODDS.

[seconddoubt]

the keys to the car is such a michael woman moment

Tonight when he hands you the keys to the car

And he says, "You can drive, some, but don't drive too far"

Tonight when she tells you you're her only one

Remember the morning brings on the sun

And they're watching you stumble and fall

Until you're lost down below like them all

Today when they give you their words of advice

And tell you you're free, friend, as long as it's nice

Today when their words of sweet wisdom come down

Remember their smiles are hiding their frowns

And they're watching you stumble and fall

Until you're lost down below like them all

If you say you're their friend, I'm afraid you will learn

They want only friends they can have on their terms

But the love that you show them will give you an edge

For authority is more than wearing a badge

And you'll be watching them stumble and fall

Until they're lost down below like them all

Until they're lost down below like them all

[gor3sigil]

Before starting T, when I socially transitionned, I was surrounded by radical feminists who saw masculinity as gross and inherently evil, something to avoid, something to make fun of, something to destroy. The other transmascs in my friend group, sometimes, told me that they didn’t knew if they really were non-binary or if they just were scared shitless of saying “I am a man”. Because they saw this as a betrayal to their younger self who had been SAd and abused.

I saw many of my masc friends and trans men around me hate themselves, not outing themselves as men because it would imply so so much, it was like opening the Pandora Box. Even when we were just together, talking about our masculinity was always coated with bits like “I know we’re the privileged ones but…”, “I don’t want to sound like I have it bad but…”, “Women obviously have it worse, but last time…” and we were talking about terrible traumas we experienced while taking all the precautions in the world in the case the walls were a crowd of people in disguise waiting to get us if we didn’t downplay the violence we faced, or like crying and being upset and being traumatized and afraid and scared and to say it out loud would make us throw up the needles we were forced to swallow every second of every day living in our skin.

Most of us weren’t on T yet, some of us were catcalled every day and harassed in the streets or in abusive relationships nobody seemed to care to help them get out of because they were “strong enough” to do it by themselves.

I was using the gender swap face app and cried for ours when I saw my father looking back at me through the screen. The idea of transforming, of shedding into a body that would deprive me of love, tenderness, and safety, was absolutely terrifying. I knew I couldn’t stay in this body any longer because it wasn’t mine, but I also knew that if I was going to look like my dad, my brother, my abusers, it would be so much worse.

5 years later and I’m almost 2 years on T, and almost 2 months post top surgery.

I ditched my previous group of friends. I was bullied out of my local trans community. But let me tell you how free I am.

I was scared that T would break my singing voice: it made it sound more alive than ever.

I was scared that T would make me less attractive: it made me find myself hot for the first time in my life.

I was scared that T would make me gain weight: it did. But the weight I put on is not the weight I used to put on by binging and eating my body until I forgot that it even existed. It’s the weight of my body belonging to me, little by little. The wolf hunger for life.

I won’t tell you the same story I see everywhere, the one that goes “I started going to the gym 8 times a week, I put on some muscles, I started a diet and now I look like an action film actor”, in fact if you took pictures of me from 5 years ago vs now I’d just have more acne, I’d have longer hair and still look like I don’t know what to do with myself when I take selfies.

But the sparkle in my eyes, my smile, tell the whole story way better than this long ass stream of words could ever.

I want to say some things that I wish someone told me before starting medically transitionning.

It’s okay to take your time. It’s your body, it’s your journey, if you don’t feel comfortable taking full doses and want to go slow, the only voice you need to listen to is your own. Do what feels right.

If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to ask for support.

Trans people are holy. Everyone is. You didn’t lose your angel wings when you came out because you want to be masculine. You are not excluded from the joy of existence, from being proud of yourself, from being sad, from being scared, from being angry. The emotions and feelings you allowed yourself to feel while processing what you experienced when you grew up as a girl and was seen as a woman are still as valid as before. Nobody can take that from you. If someone tries to, don’t let them.

It’s perfectly normal to grieve some things you were and had before you started to transition, like your high soprano voice or even your chest. Hatching is painful. You can find comfort in things that don’t feel right, so making the decision to change can be incredibly scary and weird and you deserve to be heard and supported through this. Wanting top surgery doesn’t make the surgery less intense, less terrifying, less painful to recover from. When it becomes too much you have the right to take a break and take some deep breaths before going on.

You don’t have to have a radical, 180° change for your transition to be acceptable or valid or worthy of praise. Look at how far you’ve come already. It doesn’t have to show, you’re not made to be a spectacle, you’re human and it is your journey.

Oh, and last thing, you know when some people say “Oh this trans person has to grow out of the cringy phase where you think that you can write essays about being trans or transitionning or just their experience because it’s weird” ? If you ever hear this or see this online, remember all the people whose writing you read and, even if they were not professional writers, helped you more than any theorists did ? If you want to write, do it. It won’t be a waste. It can help people. Or it won’t, and even then, if it helped you, that’s enough.

Love every of my trans siblings, take care of yourselves. You deserve the world.