#someone who doesn't put their feelings last

[4linos]

the last chance

han jisung x gn!reader

synopsis/request: after feeling neglected for far too long, you stop reaching out to jisung. his realization of your hurt leads to a desperate apology, but can he prove he can be the partner you need?

wc: 2421

The months you spent with Jisung were full of small moments that made you wonder, not about his feelings, but about how much he genuinely cared for you and how much effort he was willing to put into the relationship.

When you first met, everything felt like a dream. You went from close friends to something more, but the magic seemed to fade somewhere along the way. You imagined that once you were officially together, he would make an effort to take you on dates and do the little things that made you feel special. But that never happened.

It was always you who initiated the plans, the one to suggest going out, to suggest doing something together. You’d bring up dinner dates, new places to try, things you wanted to do with him, but most of the time, he’d agree half-heartedly or, if it was an especially busy day, he’d shrug it off. Sometimes, when you’d bring it up again, he’d say he was too tired or distracted. It left you feeling unimportant, as though he didn’t see you as someone who deserved attention or effort.

Cuddling was rare only if you were in the mood, only if he was feeling affectionate. Holding hands wasn’t something that came naturally either. You’d do it on occasion, but only when you made the move first, and even then, it felt like a forced gesture rather than something genuine. You’d tried to ignore it at first, telling yourself that relationships didn’t always look like the ones you saw in movies. But the longer it went on, the more you realized that you were the one putting in all the effort while Jisung seemed to let everything coast.

You started wondering if he was even aware of it aware of how much it stung to always feel like you were chasing him for attention and affection.

It was during a routine trip to the grocery store when everything started to unravel. You were both pushing the cart down the aisle, looking for a dessert for the evening, when you passed a couple nearby. They were arguing over something trivial, who was going to pay for the groceries, but it was the way they were arguing playful, teasing that made you stop in your tracks. They were laughing, pushing each other’s shoulders, completely wrapped up in each other’s energy, even in the middle of a small fight.

It was so painfully obvious that they were in the honeymoon phase, and it hit you like a ton of bricks. This was what it was supposed to be like. This was the spark you had hoped for, the playful banter, the small moments of connection that made you feel seen, loved, desired. And there you were, standing next to Jisung, your boyfriend of months, and everything just felt... flat. The contrast between their easy affection and your stale dynamic made your chest ache.

You tried to shake off the feeling, but then you heard Jisung’s voice, his question interrupting your thoughts. “Do you think we should get the regular cheesecake or the chocolate cheesecake?” He asked, his eyes scanning the shelf, clearly not even aware of the moment that had just passed between you and the couple.

Your frustration built up in an instant, the emotions spilling over. You didn’t even realize you were huffing until it escaped your lips in a sharp exhale. Without thinking, you turned on your heel and walked away, leaving Jisung standing there, bewildered.

“Hey, where are you going?” he called after you, but you didn’t turn back. You didn’t have the energy to explain it to him, not in that moment.

The next days felt like a quiet uprising. You stopped initiating anything. No more texting him first. No more asking him to hang out. If he didn't make an effort, why should you? You stopped waiting for him to come home for dinner, even if you cooked. If he doesn't make time for you, you won't make time for him. You withdrew into yourself, growing colder and more indifferent to his presence.

Jisung first didn't seem to notice the change. Or, if he did, he chalked it up to you just being distant that day. But, eventually, the lack of your usual warmth, your efforts to make him feel loved and valued, started to upset him. He began texting you more, asking if you were okay, but you’d respond with short, clipped answers. Your usual banter was gone, and the distance between you seemed to grow with each passing day.

He finally confronted you one night, looking around the apartment in search of you. He found you sitting on the couch, eyes glued to your phone, clearly lost in your own thoughts. The usual spark in his voice when he called your name was gone, replaced by a sense of urgency. “What’s going on with you lately?” he asked, his tone laced with confusion.

You didn’t even look up from your phone. “What do you mean?” Your voice was flat, detached.

“Don’t do that,” he said, his frustration rising. “You’ve been acting so different. Like you don’t even want to be around me anymore. What happened?”

A small, bitter laugh left your lips as you finally met his eyes. “You don’t get it, do you?” you asked softly, your voice shaking with the emotions you’d been holding back. “It’s not just something that happened overnight, Jisung. It’s been happening for months. I’m the one always reaching out. I’m the one always planning things, always trying to make us work. You’ve been so... indifferent. And it’s exhausting. You don’t even see me anymore. You don’t make the effort. Why should I keep trying if you don’t?”

His expression shifted from confusion to realization, his eyes widening. “Wait… you’re upset because I didn’t… take you out enough? Because I didn’t do enough?”

You closed your eyes for a moment, trying to steady your breath. “No, Jisung. It’s not just that. It’s everything. The cuddles that never come unless I initiate them. The plans I make alone. The feeling that you don’t really care as much as I do.” The tears started to gather, but you quickly wiped them away, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry, even though you felt like breaking down completely.

Jisung stepped forward, his eyes panicked, his voice shaky. “I—I didn’t realize… I didn’t know. I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“Well, you never asked,” you whispered, your voice cracking. “And you never showed it, Jisung. I can’t keep pretending I’m fine when I feel so alone in this relationship.”

He looked at you, completely lost, not knowing what to say. His hand reached out, hovering near you, but you flinched slightly, pulling back. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, his voice thick with guilt. “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. Please, I… I don’t know what to do.”

You shook your head, the tears falling freely now. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Jisung. I need someone who actually sees me, who cares enough to show it.”

Everything fell apart at that moment, and before Jisung could say anything else, you stood up abruptly, your heart pounding in your chest. You didn't want to be around him anymore, not while he was so clueless and the pain in your chest was so intense.

You walked to the bedroom without saying anything and locked the door behind you. You could hear Jisung calling your name through the door, his voice quivering with dread and regret, but you couldn't bring yourself to open it. You couldn’t. The tears kept falling, and all you could think about was how you'd been the only one struggling to hang onto something that felt like it was slipping through your fingers.

The night stretched on painfully, thick with silence and the weight of everything unsaid. Jisung sat by the door, helpless, as he heard soft, muffled sobbing pass through the small barrier between you two. Every sniffle sent a sharp pang through his chest, and he desperately wanted to break the silence, to say something to make things right. But he wasn't sure how.

He wasn't sure when he had lost touch with how you were feeling, but sitting there, hearing the pain in your every breath, made him understand how far he had pushed you without realizing it.

"I’m such an idiot," he muttered to himself, his voice shaking. His head dropped against the door in frustration. He hated himself for not seeing the signs sooner, for letting it go on this long. You deserved more than what he’d been giving you.

After what felt like an eternity of hearing you cry, he jumped to his feet with a new sense of determination. He needed to do something, anything to show you he was serious about making it right. He wanted you to know that he was sorry, that he had been selfish and thoughtless, and that he loved you more than words could express.

He grabbed a pen and a piece of paper, quickly scribbling down his thoughts, pouring his heart onto the page in a frantic rush.

—

I know I messed up. I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. I should’ve seen it sooner, I should’ve listened. You deserve so much more than what I’ve been giving you, and I know that now. I love you more than I know how to say. I want to show you that I can be better, that I can put you first like you deserve. If you can give me another chance, I promise I’ll do everything in my power to make things right. I’ll prove to you that you’re worth fighting for, because you are.

—

He took a long breath as he finished, gently folded the note, and placed it under the door. He knocked lightly, hardly audible, and said, "Please read it when you're ready." He waited there, anxiously hoping that his words would reach you.

He heard your quiet movements inside the room, followed by the rustle of paper. His heart jumped. Seconds felt like hours, until the door cracked open just slightly.

Jisung's breath seized as he saw you standing there, your eyes red and puffy from crying, and your face stained with tears. Seeing you like way made him feel a thousand times worse, and it was all he could do to resist the impulse to collapse and beg for your forgiveness.

Without a word, he reached out, gently pulling you into his arms. You didn’t resist; you melted against him, your tears soaking into his shirt. His hands shook slightly as he ran them through your hair, whispering in a voice thick with regret, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ll do better, I swear.”

You didn’t say anything at first, just letting the quiet pass between you both, but then you lifted your head, your voice quiet but steady. “I don’t know how you didn’t see it, Jisung. How could you not see that I was the one always making the effort? I felt so… alone.”

He kissed your hair, his heart aching at the words. “I was a jerk. I was selfish, and I didn’t realize how much you were carrying. I didn’t mean to make you feel alone. I swear, I never want to make you feel like that again.”

You pulled back just a little to look him in the eyes. “I want to believe you. I really do.”

He nodded, his face earnest. “You don’t have to believe me right away. But I’m going to show you. I’ll show you every day from now on how much you mean to me. I’ll do better. I promise.”

You took a deep breath, your fingers grazing his cheek as you searched his face for any sign of dishonesty. It was hard to trust him fully after everything, but you saw it in his eyes. He meant it. He was truly sorry.

With a small sigh, you nodded. “Okay. We can try. But you have to show me, Jisung. You have to prove it.”

He smiled softly, relief flooding his chest. “I will. I promise I will.”

-

The next morning, the soft smell of something… burnt wafted into the bedroom. You groaned a little, still half asleep, but the faint noise of clattering pans reached your ears, followed by a string of muttered curses.

You sat up in bed, rubbing your eyes. “What is he doing?”

When you made your way into the kitchen, the sight that greeted you made you stop in your tracks. There was Jisung, his hair slightly messy and his eyes a little wide with concentration, standing over a smoky stove. The kitchen smelled like burnt bacon and pancakes, and there was a pile of charred mess on the counter.

He turned when he saw you, and his face lit up with an uncertain smile. "I'm trying to make breakfast," he said, obviously embarrassed by the outcome. "I know it's not great, but I wanted to do something for you… to show I'm serious about making it right."

You couldn't help but giggle quietly, a little teary, but not out of frustration this time. It came from the sincerity in his eyes, the fact that he went out of his way to try, even if the results weren't perfect.

You walked over and softly placed your hand on his arm. "It's okay," you said, your voice gentle and affectionate. "It's the thought that counts, Jisung. I'm proud of you for trying."

He smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I swear I’ll get better at this. But, uh… I might need a little help for next time.”

You chuckled, nodding. “Next time, you’ll get it right. We can try again.”

“Next time,” he echoed with a grin, pulling you into a hug, this one lighter, warmer, more genuine than the distance that had been between you before.

You both sat down to eat the slightly burnt breakfast together, knowing there were still a lot of things to work out, but there was hope for the first time in a long time. Maybe you could make it work, one day at a time.

And it didn't matter whether the pancakes were perfect or not. What mattered was that Jisung was here, trying, and you were willing to try with him. That was all that truly mattered.

//

masterlist.

[darlingdaisyfarm]

oohhh ok this is so self indulgent but do you think you could do a short fic with ford comforting his fem!s/o that's crying because she doesn't feel like she's pretty enough? thank you lots of love 🥺🩷

prettier than a supernova | Ford Pines x reader

some people give compliments. Ford Pines gives a full scientific breakdown of how breathtaking you are

a/n: this is my soft little love letter to anyone who needs a reminder that they're perfect as they are. sometimes you need someone like Ford to tell you you’re worth more than the stars themselves. angel i hope this makes you feel warm and loved. just a little something to remind you that no matter what, you are stunningly, breathtakingly beautiful (also this can be read as gender neutral too!! this photo here is bc i love it and i think it just suits ford bc of sweater)

You don’t mean to start crying, you don’t want to. You press the heel of your palm to your cheek, frustrated. But that ugly feeling has been sitting inside you all day, heavily pressing against your ribs. Stupid, you think, you shouldn’t be crying over something like this. But it happens anyway as tears starts streaming down your face before you even realise what’s happening.

It started earlier. You’d caught your reflection in the mirror and for a second you had seen yourself the way you feared everyone else did. wrong. Lacking. Not enough. You ignored it at first, shoved it down, swallowed the bitter taste of self-doubt like it was nothing. But then it came back.

You thought Ford wouldn't notice, being too busy in his studies. But in the perfect silence of the Shack, your quiet sobs sounded louder than his own breathing.

“Darling,” Ford sets his book aside without hesitation. “come here.” his voice, as always sounds so quiet and calm, but it’s the way he holds out his arms that undoes you completely. There’s no question, no hesitation, just him, offering warmth, safety, attention, care.

So you go, you let yourself sink into his lap, curling up against his chest and the moment his arms come around you, your sobs break free. You press your face into his sweater, gripping the fabric and shut your eyes tightly.

Ford just holds you. No words, no shushing, he doesn’t rush you, doesn’t tell you to stop crying, doesn’t try to fix you. One arm wrapped around your waist, the other cradling the back of your head as he lets you cry, lets you bury yourself in his warmth, lets you be small in his arms. And you cry a little harder because no one’s ever done this before, not like this. No one’s ever let you be messy and sad and vulnerable and still held you like you’re worth something.

“Sweetheart,” he murmurs after a while, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. ”talk to me. What’s wrong?”

You shake your head because the words feel ridiculous and too embarrassing. But Ford just waits patiently, his hand never stopping its slow motions against your back.

After a while you whisper. “i. . . don’t feel pretty enough.”

Ford stays silent. The sentence you said doesn’t compute, the equation is missing a crucial variable. His brain thinks. You've just said something factually incorrect.

He is quiet long enough that you regret saying anything at all.

“Not pretty enough?” you wince at how ridiculous it sounds when he says it. You stay silent again. “talk to me, please, you’re too important to me to watch you do this to yourself.” last words didn’t come out the way he had planned, but it doesn't matter. The sadness in your eyes is enough to make him want to shield you from everything that ever made you doubt yourself.

“I don’t know, Ford, sometimes i just feel. . . just not enough.”

Ford takes a deep sigh and pulls back to see your face. His hands come up, six fingers framing your cheeks gently.

“But, love,” he brushes away the lingering tears on your skin. “who put that idea in your head?”

“Just. . . my brain, i guess.”

Ford frowns at that response, trying to figure out how to undo that thought that’s been rooted in you for too long.

“Listen to me, you are the most stunning, breathtaking person i have ever had the privilege of knowing.”

You sniffle, trying to look away, but he doesn’t let you, tilting your chin up until you meet his gaze.

“Not just beautiful,” he continues, “though you are, undeniably. But everything. Your mind, your heart, the way you see the world, i have never known anyone like you. And i never will. You are brilliant and strong in ways i could never hope to be.”

You avoid his gaze, looking down despite his tries to keep your eyes on him. Ford notices, of course he does, he always does and before you can fall apart all over again, he kisses you. So soft, a gentle press of his warm lips, reassuring you. “I wish you could see yourself the way i see you.” he says quietly into your lips. But you shake your head and pull away, laughing through your tears, feeling how emotions overwhelm you again.

“Ford, no—“

“No,” he interrupts and you notice how his voice gets more serious. “you need to hear this. After spending thirty years traveling through dimensions, seeing entire different galaxies and universes, watching alien creatures with more eyes than you can count, none of them, not a single one of them, come close to how breathtakingly beautiful you are.”

You make a small, broken sound and Ford just holds you closer as he continues. You’re speechless, heart hammering in your chest.

“And don’t get me started on physics,” he laughs softly, pulling you against his chest and caressing your hair. “you are more fascinating than a perfectly symmetrical snowflake viewed under a microscope. More miraculous than the way hydrogen atoms fused together for billions of years just to create you. Darling, i’ve held technology so advanced it blurred the line between magic and science. But none of it, none of it, has ever left me as breathless as you do.”

He’s so serious, absolutely devastatingly serious. You don't know if it's the exhaustion or the overwhelming love in his genuine voice, but another real sob breaks out of you before you can stop it as you hug him tighter.

“I really. . . just really wish you could see yourself the way i see you. You are the most extraordinary thing i have ever encountered and i have traveled across the multiverse.” and it's damn truth because when Ford looks at you, he sees more than just a person. He sees a universe, complex and ever-expanding, a mystery he will spend his lifetime trying to understand and yet, always be awed by.

Your chest is aching. It’s too much, he’s too much. So you do the only thing you can think of. You kiss him. It's kinda messy, still wet with your tears, but Ford doesn’t care because the second your lips touch his, he pours all his feelings into it, one hand tangling in your hair, the other gripping your waist, pulling you closer until there is no space left between you, reminding you of just how much he cherishes you, in every universe, in every corner of space and time.

And that's all you ever needed, to be held like the most beautiful thing in his entire universe.

“If the universe is infinite, then so is my love for you. If the stars will burn for billions of years, then let me love you for all of them.”

Ford cradles you against his chest, rocking you in his arms in a slow, soothing motion to calm his beloved. And for the first time in a long time, the voice in the back of your mind, telling you you're not enough, fades away replaced with the warmth of Ford's love.

“So, no, honey. I don't want to hear you ever say you’re not pretty again. Not when you're the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen. Not when i know you are worth more than every star, every dimension, every equation in existence.” you pull him closer, feeling the steady beat of his heart as you close your eyes, smiling softly.

The first rule of observation is to watch closely, to notice every detail, to understand what no one else does. And Stanford notices everything about you.

[pricegouge]

missionary

nik x f!reader

cw: dubcon/noncon implied, but nothing happens here. religious talk from someone who doesn't know dick about it but that's okay cause the characters here don't either. abrupt ending. MDNI

sunlight filters through your curtains as you wake, a diffused sort of warmth that catches on dust motes and cat hair, paints them cream colored and soft. you sigh and burrow deeper for a few more minutes, ignore your looming sunday chores in favor of sleeping in a bit longer. you can't remember the last time the sun had beat you out the gate, the winter seeming to stretch past into your memory as far back as your childhood.

perhaps that's a little dramatic, but it's been a minute, so you climb out of bed only long enough to draw the curtains and let the thin morning light stream through properly before flopping back onto the mattress, letting your dry, winter skin absorb as much needed vitamin d as you can get before your stomach starts complaining about needed sustenance - though with how late you'd managed to sleep in, you can't even blame it.

your head's a bit fuzzy as you make your way to the kitchen. with the latest cold snap on its way out, the sudden temperature change had left your sinuses reeling and you'd had to resort to a little cocktail of otc drugs just to have a chance at sleep the night before. small price to pay, considering the light drip of snow melt you can see falling from your vantage point at the window, eyes unfocused as you zone out, waiting for the coffee to finish percolating.

it takes a few sips of the strong brew to fully realize what that means, opening your door in near disbelief to find the storm door isn't glazed over in ice, no steam spilling through the frame as your house attempts to heat the whole universe. it's still chilly, for sure, but it's not enough to deter you, leaving the door open for a spot of fresh air as you get to work fixing yourself breakfast, singing to yourself cheerily as you move about, your mood brighter than it's been in months at the barest sliver of sunshine. it's nice enough out you don't even bother to put a pair of pants on, the slight sting of early spring air so unseasonable and unexpected that you can't but relish it.

cooking is a messy affair. carefree. you go all out, pancake batter dusting the counter and your legs alike, broad strokes painted with messy fingers as you wait for your bacon to fry. you're distracted as you cut up an orange, knife slipping dangerously close past your fingertips because you can't help wriggling to the catchy song you've got stuck in your head.

once, twice -

"shit," you hiss, turning to run the cut under some cold water before you even fully inspect it.

you're prodding at the seams of your skin when you hear him, voice a low lilt sounding from your left which chills you more than the mid-winter air stirring around your bare thighs, more than the frigid font you've got your hand stuck under. your eyes find him immediately, watching you from the other side of the screen door with a hungry look about him, like he can't discern between you and the veritable buffet being plated behind you.

"you alright there?" he asks, accented and deep. he's not looking at the hand you hold over the sink, thin blood seeping down into the webbing of your fingers. his eyes trail down over your hip instead, lingering on your belly where the counter cuts into you, protecting your lower half from his field of view.

"can i help you?" you snap, unsettled by the sudden presence of a strange man on your porch and by the feeling his gaze incites, spiders crawling all over you.

he doesn't even bother to look chastised, a slick grin spreading across his broad face as he sniffs pointedly, lip curling. he's hunched over a bit to fit in your frame, too tall to be seen otherwise. "yeah, actually." with an elbow braced above his head, he flicks a pamphlet against your storm window to draw your attention. blue and green, calming colors for a calming message, no doubt. he wouldn't be the first missionary to grace your doorway, but he would be the most implacable, with his leather jacket and thick gold chain. you're no theologist, but you doubt the latter day saints would approve of this level of materialism. "wanna talk about god, but uh - that cut seems more important at the moment." he nods at your hand.

"right," you grumble, attention returning to the steady trickle of blood from your knuckle. it doesn't seem too bad, would just need a good amount of pressure to stem it and a few days spent wrapped up. "well, i'm fine - on both accounts, thanks."

"sure you are," he drawls, smile almost as greasy as his hair.

"i meant… i'm okay. i don't need -."

"you sure? i could help -."

"very sure," you snap, ripping off a square of paper towel from the dispenser next to the sink and twisting it into a ribbon which you wrap tightly around your finger. "see? got it covered, thanks. have a good one," you harp, stepping closer to shut the door in his face.

a mistake. one step, two. your toes feel the draft from the door first before it inches up your legs like creeping fingers and you remember your outfit just in time to see his eyes already darting down, expectant as you round the corner of your counter.

how long had he been watching you?

stepping back behind your cover, you try to make your voice as assertive as possible, know you've failed miserably when it comes out a shaky whisper. "i would like you to leave, please."

the man's eyes track back up to yours even as his elbow falls from where it's braced overhead, his callused palm scratching over your door frame as he trails it lower, lower. hardware of the handle jangling under the weight when he drops his palm heavily over it. "you won't let your lord and savior into your life?"

he doesn't wait for an answer, the door squealing on its hinges as he pulls it open. it's not quite necessary for him to duck through the frame, but only just - taller than you by nearly a full foot and broadly built. you back away from him on instinct and curse yourself when you realize this brings you further away from the knife block. the pamphlet skitters across the counter closest to him, a careless toss which you can't help but track, eyes catching on the smudge of red at the bottom corner. it's only then that you realize he isn't carrying any sort of bag, no stockpile on his person to dispense the good word to all his neighbors. you're also fairly certain missionaries have something against working on sundays.

you play along with the ruse anyway, fawning in your fright. "please, sir, i -. i'd love to hear more about… about -."

he cuts you off with no more than a look, eyebrow arching nearly as high as his widow's peak as he tilts his head condescendingly, his boots leaving a messy trail behind him as he stalks closer. "yeah? you need jesus, milaya? need to atone?"

"i -!" you don't make it any further before he's gripping your hip, spinning you until you fold over your counter, the hard press of his fly biting against your nearly bare cunt.

"that's okay, samka, the lord will forgive you for being such a little slut, prancing around in here for all to see in these tiny fucking panties." he snaps the gusset against you to prove his point, hairy knuckle brushing against your vulva before disappearing again. his full weight crowds into you, unbearable as it is inescapable. you can feel his breath ghosting down your neck, the scratch of stubble behind your ear. and yet - he doesn't kiss you, plants a broad hand next to yours instead, doesn't even flinch when bacon grease pops and splashes over the knuckles. "you know," he drawls, almost conversationally, as if the tableau before him has finally registered. "most people offer us food after inviting us in."

the distraction is such a welcome prospect, you don't even bother correcting him. "would you like some?" you ask, voice high and reedy with a manic sort of hope. "i have plenty, i could -."

you're cut off with a yelp when he crouches, enough so that he can span his palms under the crease of your ass and lift you the final few inches necessary to fully hinge your torso over the counter. his knees pop as he falls to them, the anticipated soft press of lips finally landing, directly on your core. he doesn't seem to mind the barier still in place, drags his hot tongue over the cotton to press it into your hole, gets a taste of you and hums, diffused as it is.

"yeah, i think i'll stay for a bite."

divider by @/cafekitsune

[bienmoreau]

It might have been (hopefully was) just a very brief rogue comment by someone who doesn't like him and doesn't care abt the book/this story. (unfortunately I was seen a fair bit of that straight after publication last year) rather than more genuine criticism/blame but it sure stuck with me cause of how bs it was.

Apparently I wrote an essay?? Sorry abt that, you do not have to read it and this is moving away from my original post which was more intended to be abt the nuance of that one moment being foreshadowing of why it's a trigger for him.

I absolutely refuse to join in with discourse in this fandom. I am too exhausted by simply navigating this space these days already.

But as a response in a sensible conversation (which I feel like you'd be open to), I think it's worth noting that this moment happens before the beach revelation. And the moment with Jeremy is even earlier. And with Lisinski it's just a whole other situation. I don't believe Jean is touch adverse, or that the others are invading his boundaries all the time. I think he lashes out when he's surprised and is already in a state of internal reactive stress. With Jeremy it's because of him asking about learning french and Jean is thinking about the trouble it caused when Kevin asked. With Laila it's because he's just be told Grayson is in town and it was suggested he meet him. Importantly in both these situations the others don't know that what they've just said is triggering something internal for Jean.

But I think it's unfair to say they don't back down or learn from these. I think they do get better as they learn more of the things that are off limits and how to identify when it wouldn't be good to touch him. As well as plenty of times where they do touch him and he has absolutely no issue with it. (Also, but I think importantly, often when they physically intervene when it may not 'be fine' it's to stop him from unconsciously self harming.)

Also as much as they may talk about him the three of them (and especially extended to the rest of the floozies as we know they don't share his personal shit with the rest of them.) aren't a hive mind and they can each make the same/similar mistakes without meaning to or it being an intentional ignoring of a boundary they may not know yet.

I do think a big part of it is them learning a very different way of being with and supporting someone traumatised. We see how affectionate they are with each other and at least with Jeremy's background I would imagine it makes sense for him to seek out physical contact as comfort and the girls are also happy with that and don't think twice about it. So it makes sense to me that there's a steep learning curve for them. Laila isn't intentionally doing something wrong there. She's trying to tend to his wound. That's a caring gesture, it's just very badly timed and perhaps not as thought through as it could have been. But she isn't inside his head like we are so doesn't know where he's at mentally just then. I also think had it been, say, his arm instead of his neck, his reaction would likely have been different in that moment.

I also think it's important that he's not been put in bubble wrap. Of course I don't mean they should ignore his boundaries or expect unreasonable progress from him but if he doesn't get pulled out of his modus operandi and given some new expectations and experiences he's going to stay pacing the walls of his self sustained cell. It's a fine line and I won't pretend they don't cross it sometimes (or that I would expect them not to lbr. This is a random bunch of pretty privileged young adults in '07 California. Why would they be inherently good at dealing with all of his everything?) but I also think that it's important for those boundaries to be tested occasionally, and going both ways, so that he has the chance to learn that it's safe to test them too. Someone touching a wet cloth to his neck isn't a threat or attack. His instinct to lash out when stressed and triggered isn't going to cause him to be beaten. Moments like this while of course not ideal, and uncomfortable to read, are points in which he learns in real time that this place isn't the nest and what he's been conditioned intentionally and unintentionally by his time there does not serve him in the world outside that environment.

A huge part of healing is identifying the ways we survived that we cling to beyond their usefulness. Of seeing how sometimes the survivor in us is now doing more harm than good to our system and ability to move beyond our trauma in a healthy and functional way.

As much as I agree about him having the right to defend his boundaries I don't agree that violence is necessarily a proportionate response and that's also something he is learning by being with them. From the Jean I met in this book he doesn't like violence. He doesn't relish it or want to be subject to it or subject it on others but he is still learning how to not bite when he could just growl or when maybe he doesn't even need to do that and he would still be okay.

Back on my annotated reread of TSC and thinking abt how Jean's reaction to Laila when he hits her isn't just about being touched unexpectedly.

It's because it's his neck.

It is specifically because it's 'something warm and wet against his injured neck'.

It's because it's literally happening in the middle of a conversation in which Cat just suggested Jean meet in person with Grayson.

Like as much as people can be upset he hit her or didn't immediately apologise (also tho like. Did we read the same book? It literally has it right there that apologising is not how this kinda thing is handled in the nest. Why would Jean think to do that here??) can you really be surprised that those circumstances triggered his fight response? Like really?

[pearlescentparade]

Omg someone who does forsaken YAY 😭 headcanons for Two time x deity user that’s based off of the spawn point cuz like two times in a cult or something

heh... ive gotten requests for two time..... two times [gets shot]

🔄 two time x spawn deity! reader headcanons 💞

utterly devoted to you. you literally represent all of that which they believe in, why wouldn't they be??

always by your side, or following you. they're a Shadow, after all

their insanity intensifies, but they insist that they feel at peace with you. the problem is, it's only with you. when you're not around, they feel restless and irrational

they might have separation anxiety

you need to remind them to eat, sleep and take basic care of themself because they forgo those in order to spend all of their time with you

would do anything you ask them to, so it's easy to get them to do the last headcanon if you frame it as if it's an assignment from you

"it's late. many mortals sleep at this hour."

"that's okay, i don't need to sleep!"

"...i grow weaker with my followers. i ask you to sleep so my power is maintained."

"ah, i see! then goodnight, my god. please watch over my dreams!!"

only ever refers to you as "my god", never your name or anything else

whether you're actually connected to the cult or not, they'll follow you above everything else. why settle with the believers when they could have the belief itself?

refuses to tell the cult about you, despite being a fellow member. they believe you've chosen them as your most devoted and faithful follower, and if the others knew about you, two time's worried you'll be too occupied with the other members to gaze upon them again

you agree with not telling the cult, but rather because you're already bothered enough by the one member. you can't imagine dealing with several at the same time if they're all as clingy as two time is

meeting you makes them feel like all the terrible things they've done were worth it

you've tried to isolate yourself from them, feeling that no mortal should ever be so bonded to a deity and it would only lead to ruin

it was no use. they found you, no matter where you were

akin to a dog, loyal and dependent

a bit annoying to be honest. when it gets too much you just kill them and respawn them to teach them a lesson. it's traumatizing and excruciatingly painful, so you don't know why they keep coming back to you even so

sometimes other deities tease you about them

"oh? i see your little puppy isn't with you today."

"refrain from referring to my follower like they're an animal, lest you desire for me to sick them onto you."

they like to be cupped in your palms and brought close to your face when you're in a larger form

you like to put them into a forcefield and lightly shake them around like a hamster in a hamsterball. two time does not find this nauseating activity as amusing as you do but they suck it up and deal with it because you look pleased doing it to them

two time gets very overprotective when someone approaches you. clutching their dagger, they're ready to strike at any sign of danger

you think it's foolish for a fragile mortal to risk and endanger their life for a deity that doesn't die as easily. though you tell them this many times, two time still persists on it

desperate for your approval

loves to bring you gifts, though you say you've no need for material things. think of it as sacrificial offerings! hand-made bracelets, food, a body... a body?

thankfully, they were only an unconscious person that two time happened upon while on their way to meet with you.. and thought it was a good idea to sacrifice them to you. you released them and reprimanded two time

they've attempted to offer their blood, but you quickly stopped them before they could draw it with their dagger, reminding them that harm to them harms you too. that was enough to get them to never consider it again

has a shrine dedicated to you, complete with incense and pictures and statuettes made in your likeness

lowkey wants to sever you from your divinity and ground you to the mortal realm

(a/n: this concept kinda crazy this is like if u were buddhist and siddhartha gautama himself was real and was ur bff like can u imagine anyway i imagine this relationship would be super codependent and a bit more on the unhealthy side considering reader's mere existence would fuel two time's obsession with the spawn so i hope i did well at portraying that!)

[mellohiizz]

wanted to talk about odyssey duo and my um. view on their dynamic and relationship.

probably going to be a pretty long yap, but i really wanted to talk about them since there's been some talk about them after the last uu video. it caused me to think deeper into their relationship and i wanted to write it down.

(putting it here just in case: not targeted at anyone. just yapping about the codependent silly guys that i hate.)

the thing about odyssey duo, to me, is that yes, they are in some ways unhealthy. they're codependent and messy. but that doesn't mean that they're "toxic" or their friendship is not working.

they're both flawed characters with destructive traits. parrot is dry and unable to express his emotions properly, which leads to misunderstandings over his intentions. wifies is not a saint either, he's stubborn and can get very pushy when it comes to his own decisions. (insisting on dean leaving without explaining anything and trying to do it without parrot knowing, burning the compass to forcefully keep parrot from going to farlands)

but the main thing about them to me is that if you really look into it, they're both trying to make it work. they do care about each other and have both shown it more than once in different ways.

they both did and said things that aren't great. but it doesn't make one or the other good or bad. yes, parrot came out quite cold and uncaring a couple of times, but it doesn't automatically makes him a bad person, or means that he's mistreating, or even 'abusing' wifies in any sense.

if we're pushing it to that point, you could say wifies also used parrot in a sense of wanting to feel human and wanting someone who would 'want him back' without knowing his real self. (im being dramatic with this, obviously)

parrot comes off as uncaring because of how dry and unable to show his actual emotions he seems to be. which is a valid character trait considering how often he just couldn't because of the circumstances. parrot is someone who's very goal oriented. when he needs to focus on something, he locks in. it's the only thing he thinks about and everything else goes to the back of his mind.

which also brings me to the point of the way parrot deals with grief. one thing is how often parrot just couldn't express his grief over losing someone. he grieved luigi, yes, because it was one time he actually was allowed to take a little bit of time to actually process the fact that someone died in front of him. and even then, instead of fully allowing himself to grieve, he had to focus on other things.

same goes for dean. dean's death was pretty much shock value for both parrot and viewers, and parrot tried to grieve him too. but during it, he was interrupted by literally the number one threat at the time.

so of course when another loss comes into picture, parrot doesn't allow himself to grieve him. he acknowledges his loss ("your leader just killed my best friend"), but there was no time for him to actually let himself properly grieve wifies or even allow himself to react. they were in the middle of dealing with the mafia, and he needed to focus on that instead.

we only see the impact wifies' death had on him by the end of the episode. where he does listens. he lights the beacon despite expressing his indifference to them the whole episode. that, once again, shows that he does care.

he was hesitant on letting wifies go through with joining the mafia in the first place. he agreed because he trusted wifies to be safe and know what he's doing. it was already shown to us that wifies is parrot's weak point. he tried so many times to keep wifies away from the danger simply because he didn't want to lose him. back in the video where clown was hunting parrot, there was a very clear parallel between branzy being clown's weak point and wifies being parrot's. the difference in that was parrot knew clown wouldn't have hesitated to kill wifies.

they both changed the ways the go about things for the other. they care, but unfortunately, they were doomed by the narrative. the universe screwed them over by putting them into circumstances where they just wouldn't have worked it out.

in conclusion, because this is already very long, yes, odyssey duo are messy. they're not the healthiest duo, and they do have issues. but they tried to overstep those and work, and that's what i like about them.

[gloomysoup]

okay i'm back. not my best work, but it'll do. this got way longer than intended.

-

Steve isn't suicidal. He's not. It's just- it's just that he can't seem to find it in himself to fight. Even with every nerve and muscle in his body screaming at him to get away from the pain, he can't. The tail around his neck is tightening, there's tiny, sharp teeth digging into the flesh and tearing him open, but he just can't fight back. He can't make himself get away from the touch he craves so badly. So badly, in fact, that he has spent the last two years finding touch in all the worst places with people he knows are only using him for a tight hole to fuck.

Still.

He's lying on the ground, nerve-endings screaming and limbs thrashing beyond his control, but he can't make it stop. Doesn't want to, if he has to be honest with himself.

But then Nancy is there, and Robin is there, and Eddie is there. He doesn't want them to know. Doesn't want them to think less of him. Doesn't want to make Robin worry. So he fights. No matter how much he just wants to accept the touch for what it is, he fights against it. He hopes his tears mix with his sweat enough that no one will be able to tell.

His injuries are bad. So much so that he can barely hold himself up once the adrenaline is fading. His shoulders slump, and his knees are weak, but he doesn't want anyone to know. He tries. He tries so hard to act like he's fine. He tries so hard to act like he doesn't wish they hadn't followed him down. He tries to act grateful for the life he wishes he wasn't living anymore.

He doesn't want Robin to worry.

Nancy's hands on him, wrapping his injuries, should help. Her touch should make him feel better, but it doesn't. It only makes things worse. Because Nancy didn't love him. Nancy tore his heart from his chest and stomped it into the ground right there in the bathroom of Tina's party, and again in the alley behind the gym. Nancy's touch sets fire to his skin, and he can't get away from it fast enough. The second his torso is wrapped up, he's pushing past her.

And then he's got Eddie's battle vest.

It smells so strongly of Eddie that Steve's knees nearly give out. He tries to act unaffected. Tries to act like this isn't everything he's ever wanted, despite the circumstances. Tries to act like his skin isn't crawling with the need for someone to touch him.

Then his legs really do give out on him.

They're walking, trying to find their way back into town- well, the Upside Down version of town- and Steve's knees buckle. The adrenaline is gone. The safety of touch, no matter how much it hurt, is gone.

Steve's heart rate drops, his knees buckle, and he thinks this is it. This is where he really, actually dies.

It takes a bit for him to realize this is a drop.

But there's Eddie, right by his side. Eddie, who is heaving him up and supporting his weight. Eddie, who has strong hands on him, holding him. Eddie, who is pumping out so many comforting smells in an effort to help until they can get Steve somewhere safe.

It isn't enough.

The further they walk, the longer it takes, the worse Steve gets.

He's dead weight against Eddie's side as the alpha practically drags him through the woods. Nancy is leading the way with purpose, and Robin keeps glancing between Nancy and Steve with panic in her eyes and anxiety overwhelming her scent.

Eddie is doing everything he can to remain calm.

He isn't very successful.

The second they finally cross the threshold into the Upside Down version of the Wheeler house, Eddie has Steve on the floor of the living room. He sits on the ground with Steve cradled in his lap, arms tight around him. He's whispering all the encouraging words he can think of. He's trying to put out as much calming alpha scent that he can.

It's not safe for Steve to be so deep in a drop in the middle of the Upside Down, and they all know it.

Nothing is working.

Steve isn't suicidal. But if it gets him the touch, and the feeling of safety, that he so desperately desires? Well... Steve isn't above dying to get what he wants.

Idk what it is but I just love omega! Steve with body worship…

—

All of his life Steve has been put on a pedestal; taught to primp and preen but he never really received it. Never any tender touches or words of encouragement.

He’s the Harrington’s prized pup, and when his first heat hits and word comes out that he’s an omega; Steve becomes that much more of a pawn for his parents to use to gain control.

Because of this, Steve acts out; of course he does. On nights his parents are away he will throw himself at anyone. He doesn’t care how rough the touch is because it means he is being touched, being held, being close to someone for once.

He forms his pack and of course Robin and the kids are there. They love him and grow to be practically glued at the hip but it’s just never enough. Steve needs to be held down, trapped under the weight of an alpha for the night for his omega to soften to a gentle purr ‘Held. Safe. Adored’ even if he knows it isn’t real, just something to help stave off the need eating him from the inside out.

Then comes the spring break from hell-

touched starved omega Steve, my beloved🥲

[whateverloomis]

Dilf!Billy Loomis who kidnaps the sweet lil reader that works at the local Spirit Halloween?

I've always wondered how Billy would kidnap someone because he 100% would lmao. This is basically a drabble, it's all I've been able to put out lately. Anyways, here it is! Hope y'all enjoy babes 🫶🏼

Warnings: FEM READER, kidnapping (honestly it was a willing situation but the intention was there lmao,) spiked drink, alcohol consumption, flirting, fingering, stranger danger (lol,) Stu Macher feature, unedited

Finally, your favorite season has arrived and you couldn't be happier. Fall. Halloween. Gloomy nights and a full moon. Ghost stories and pumpkin spice in the air.

It also means night shifts at Spirit Halloween. It isn't exactly the funnest job, but being surrounded by all kinds of decorations and costumes is worth doing it.

Tonight the store isn't as full as it usually is and you're almost grateful. The week has been chaotic so far and you definitely need a slow day, especially since you're at the register.

A few people came in and browsed the costumes but nobody bought anything, except for one. A man.

He's wearing a white tee with an oversized navy blue jacket along with light wash jeans. As you scan his body with your eyes you land on his black doc marten boots. It looks like they've been used quite a bit but they're still in great shape. You fixate your gaze a little too long on them, boots are one of your weaknesses and the man wearing them sure make them look extra hot. He must be in his 50s, but fuck does he look delicious. It's odd for you to find older men attractive but when it happen you're practically weak at the knees.

You continue looking at him as you suck on a lollipop you stole from a random aisle. With the view of the attractive man studying and touching the Halloween masks your brain got creative, and you definitely wouldn't mind having his cock in your mouth instead. Gosh, what a slut. Thinking that way about a complete stranger? Who does that?

It doesn't stop you from entertaining yourself with the thought as you feel the sugary bulb against your tongue.

"Do you have another one of these available?" the man asks and snaps you back to reality. He's holding a ghost face mask and you can't help but imagine him wearing the damn thing.

You nod and search for another mask from the pile of items people decide not to buy last minute, and luckily you find another one.

After handing it to him, you pull the lollipop out of your mouth, "Anything else I can help with?"

You noticed how he looked at your lips when you removed the candy from your mouth and smirked, "Mm, no, I have everything," he responded and you instantly got flustered.

"So, are you new in town? I haven't seen you around before," he asks, making small talk.

"Yes, I moved here a few months ago. It's pretty nice, I didn't think I'd like Woodsboro much..." you trailed off and Billy looked at you with a questioning look,

"Is it that boring here?" he continued and you laugh shily, "No, I just don't really have friends to hang out with..." you say and the man frowns.

"Well, I can show you around if you'd like. I know a nice deck with a mini bar down by the Woodsboro lake. It's really nice at night when there's a clear sky." he said and you mentally curse yourself for being tempted to go hang out with him. A stranger. But you couldn't help it, it's been a while since you hung out with someone and this guy is incredibly hot.

Your mind is racing but before you reason with yourself, you accept his invite... Billy Loomis' invite.

•

After a brief walk and a few drinks at the mini bar you were already letting loose and getting flirty with Billy.

"Wait, so he fell in the water with his suit on?" you asked, giggling at Billy's story of Stu falling into the hotel pool where their prom was hosted in '96. You were sitting rather close to the man, your thigh touching his while you faced each other.

"He really did, the idiot" he responded and took a swing of his beer. "We should all hang out sometime, I'm sure he'd like you." Billy continued and you blushed at his words. "Really? You think so?" you asked, shyness taking over. "Of course, anyone would like a cutie like you," he said, no shame in being straightforward.

You bit your lip and let out a breathy laugh. "I've never thought that way about myself..."

"Well, you should, I mean look at you" he continued and placed his hand on your thigh, running it up your skin slowly until it rested right under the hem of your short dress.

Silence fell upon you in an instant and the tension that was building went up a notch. Naturally, both of you leaned in and gave each other a few lingering kisses.

Billy pulled back and hissed, looking down at his hand on your thigh, squeezing slightly. "Bars about to close... You wanna go back to my place?" he asked and you nodded slowly, following him to his car.

Once you reached the vehicle Billy leaned against the hood and pulled you towards him by your hips. You instantly wrapped your arms around his neck and continued kissing and it quickly got heated.

You might be a shy person, but when it comes to getting what you want? You don't hesitate one but, and at that moment you wanted him. This stranger that you met a few days ago.

It's reckless but you didn't care. The way that man was using his tongue to tease your lips and mouth was incredible and you could've stayed there all night but you needed more.

"Mm, let's go" you broke the kiss. Billy smirked and opened the door for you, looking at your ass when you walked past him to get in the car.

•

You found yourself straddling Billy's lap on the couch of his living room. The cabin he owns is relatively small but extremely cozy and charming in every way, just like him.

The sound of your soft moans mix with the crackling of the fire place. The make out session had been going on for a while and you were already grinding against his growing length. He feels big, and you can't wait to see what he's hiding in his pants.

Billy was careful with what he chose to do, he didn't want to scare you away after all, so he slowly slipped his hands under your dress and pulled it up and over your ass. You moved your hips quicker in response to his actions and he exhaled at the feeling of your pussy against his clothed cock.

He squeezed your ass and dug his fingers in your flesh before sneaking one of his hands between your legs. He rubbed your clit over your underwear, encouraging you to grind against them, and that you did. Slowly.

"Fuck... You soaked through these." Billy said while snapping the band of your underwear with his free hand, "I've barely touched you baby..." he continued and nipped your neck.

"Mm, please..." you said and grab his hand. "Need to feel..." you continued while you pulled your underwear to the side, moving his fingers inside your throbbing cunt.

"Fuck..." Billy moaned and finger fucked you from below imagining his cock buried inside you.

After a while his impatience took over and he stood up. You wrapped your legs around his torso along with your arms around his neck and into his room you went...

•

After Gods know how much time of fucking and playing with each other Billy offered you a drink, which you gladly accepted. After a few sips you went to the bathroom to clean up, and while you were away he took the opportunity to spike your drink. Of course he had alternate motives, and you were an easy target. Too easy.

Once you came back and took a few more sips of that drink you never thought you'd end up passing out... much less end up with your hands tied behind your back on a chair in the middle of a living room. A room that was comforting a few hours prior, but there you were. Confused out of your mind.

"Look who's up" you heard Billy whisper. His hand softly brushed against your cheek.

"Where... What?" you said while moving your arms around, feeling the restraints.

"Shh sh sh, we're at my place, remember?" Billy said softly. Why was he being so gentle in a situation like this? You had no clue, and it made the situation all the more confusing and frightening.

"What's goin- What the fuck?!" You lost it.

"Hm... Well, you see... It's a very interesting story, really. I used to study with your aunty Prescott."

No way.

"And I tried to kill her, but the bitch got away from me, so I thought... Hm, how can I get her attention again?"

"Billy... Don't" You started.

"Why not kidnap her sweet nephew. The one she loves like a daughter..."

"Billy..."

"Why not use these? Terrorize the town again... Terrorize Sidney again." He continued, holding the ghostface masks up. The ones you sold him a few days ago.

But why two?

"Am I late?" You heard another voice behind you. Turning around was useless so you closed your eyes hoping it was all a dream.

"Nah, I'm just getting started" Billy replied and the other man came to view. He handed Billy a knife and took his mask afterwards.

"YN, meet Stu." Billy said and Stu waved as if this were a normal everyday interaction.

"You. You're the ghostface killers..." you put it together quickly, all the memories of Sid warning you about moving to that damn town. How she wouldn't trust the silence.

She was right.

[llamaisllama777]

THE DAILY*/WEEKLY* LAES, TSAMS, & EAPS RIVEW SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry it's been a bit since I last did this. I took a break for a while, but now I'm back, so let's get to it!

The high I was riding on this episode was the highest of all highs! I loved how Earth just put all her feelings out on the table and basically told Creator, "I love you cause you built me, you're my dad, but I will never join you. You hurt my family." I loved it so much!

The creator was acting all caring and, like, maybe at least a super tiny part of him cared, but the moment Earth told him no, he did a complete 180 and started laughing at her and dropped this bombshell that all Earth's memories of his raising her and just being a dad were FAKE! He implanted false memories in her to make her care about him. What the heck, Sven?!

I love how Earth calls Creator a "plaything" at the end cause she's right it's now his turn to be the toy, be used, and abused by someone who basically gave you life.

NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL KARMA!

We also learn from Sven that Earth is, I guess, immune to dark star power now? Like the infection can't affect her like it is with Jack, so Earth is safe, but knowing Creator is gonna make her suffering even without the dark star infection.

And Monty confirmed Earth's blueprints are gone. Morbid question: How important are those blueprints, and WHAT IS WITH THAT BRACELET?!

WELP. I guess all those Serial killer aus are canon now. Neat : D

And lastly, Foxy's back..... barely. Physically, he's here, mentally... he's gone again. Puppeteer erased Foxy's memories, and now he's so lost, confused, and doesn't remember Puppet or F.C. he does remember Chili's, though, so there's hope he could remember. Hopefully, soon cause Matt is leaving the show soon. I'm guessing these next few episodes may be Foxy themed. I hope they do bring Foxy back. I can't lose Foxy again. Please, Davis, Matt, DON'T DO THIS TO ME! (/J) But seriously, don't do this to me.

I really loved today's episodes as usual

11/10

I wonder what the other shows are up to?

Oh, no!

[deans-baby-momma]

Chapter 2

Summary: When Jensen admits to going home with someone else, will his and Y/N's marriage survive?

Warnings: Angst, heartbreak, smut, language

Jensen walks into their room with tears flowing down his face. He is devastated. 

Y/N - his wife, his best friend, his everything - is kicking him out. And deep down, he knows she has every right but he couldn't consider that for the pain he felt.

If only she'd let him explain, but what would he tell her? He is the one who fucked up. It is his fault!

Jensen quickly packs a duffel bag of his belongings before heading back downstairs. 

Y/N is still standing in the destroyed kitchen, her back to him with her arms across her chest.

He takes one last look at her and says, “I love you” before he walks out the door.

Jensen has nowhere to go; he is miles and miles away from his family -in another country- and he doesn't want to go to Jared's.

He can't bear more of the judgmental looks his friend had given him when it all happened. So he heads to his home away from home, away from home. 

Jensen unlocks and opens the trailer before walking up the steps and closing the door.

He sits the bag he had hastily packed on the counter before heading to the fridge to get a bottle of  water.

He is swearing off all alcohol. Booze is the crux of his problems. His willingness to imbibe in a nightcap with his friends is what led him here; staying in his trailer on set and his marriage over.

As he lay in his bed that night, alone and secluded, he let his feelings show. He cries for how his life has turned out, he cries because he hurt Y/N and he cries because he knows there is no fixing it.

The next morning, he showers and is heading out the door when he sees Jared approaching. 

“Dude, you got here early,” the tall man jests.

“Yep,” is all Jensen replies.

Jared falls into pace with Jensen as they head towards set, completely unaware of the turmoil in his friend's life.

“Gen wants to have a cookout the weekend after next, when we go back to Texas. You and Y/N are invited of course.”

Jensen just hums in acknowledgement. He isn't in the mood to tell his coworker that there would be no more him and Y/N.

The minutes turn into hours, hours into days, and days into weeks yet Jensen doesn't try to contact Y/N and he continues to sleep in his trailer on set. 

At first, he was upset. Upset with himself for being so naive and trusting, then upset because Y/N didn't give him a chance to explain. That turned into disgust at himself for allowing himself to even be put in the situation he's in. 

Next came anger. He was mad. If Y/N had just listened and let him tell her that he had quickly come to his senses and realized what a mistake he'd made, maybe she would've been more understanding and they would still be together.

After not hearing from his wife for two weeks, he knew their marriage was over. He expected to receive divorce papers any day. She was done. Done with him, done with the life they'd built. Just done.

One month since that fateful night when he confessed his biggest screw-up and his wife kicked him out, he had come to terms with his new life.

He was miserable though and he knew people were beginning to take notice. 

Jared had caught on pretty quickly that his friend- his brother- was sleeping at the lot and had asked.

Jensen had explained about what happened; from stupidly trusting a fan, to coming clean to Y/N, to the reason he was practically living in his trailer.

Knowing the whole story, Jared had offered to call Y/N and try to smooth it out but Jensen had refused.

He was in the guilt stage at this point. He had wronged her and no one could fix it. 

On set, he morphed into his character of Dean Winchester easily.  Dean had a good hold on the pensive and broody aspect. And acting out as his character helped him take his mind off the turmoil of his life.

So Jensen put all his emotion into his character and gave some of his best performances. Still it didn't help. He still felt tainted.

“Mom. Mom. Mom!” Jensen demands into the phone, halting his mother's speech. “Just leave Y/N alone. It's not her fault. She did nothing wrong. I messed it up okay?”

He rolls his eyes as his Mom continues berating him and begging him to do whatever it took to repair his marriage. 

“If I promise to try, will you and Mack please leave Y/N alone? No more calling to tell her how I'm doing. No more checking in to see if we've talked. Please Mom? I'm begging here,” he pleads again.

He sighs as he hears her reluctantly agree. “Thank you. I love you. Tell dad I love him too. Bye.”

Jensen hangs the phone up and places it on the coffee table as the door opens and Jared walks in with Cliff, their bodyguard/driver/friend. 

The look of apprehension on both of their faces alarmed Jensen. He can tell whatever it is, it isn't good news.

“What?” he inquires, mentally preparing for whatever they're here to tell him.

But no amount of preparedness would suffice as Jared hands him a magazine. Jensen flips it over to see the cover and he feels as if the floor has opened up and his stomach swooped, dipped and dived as if he were on the world’s most deadly roller-coaster. 

‘I'm pregnant with Jensen Ackles’ baby’.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

NEXT CHAPTER PREVIEW:

“What the hell are you doing here? How did you get in?”

Jensen lifts his head and looks at Y/N despondent.

“I used my key,” he whispers. “We need to talk.”

“No, we don't,” she replies, flippantly. “Go talk to the mother of your unborn child.”

If you would like to be tagged, please interact with me in some way: message, ask, comment.

Tagging my FOREVERS: @spnbaby-67 @sea040561 @delightfullykrispypeach @larajadeschmidt13 @atc74 @vicariouslythruspn @squirrelnotsam   @sandlee44 @blacktithe7 @hoboal87 @mogaruke @supraveng @@lyarr24 @kazsrm67 @chriszgirl92 @deanwithscissors @raisinggray @fanfic-n-tabulous @hobby27 @stoneyggirl2 @purpleeclipseeggsland @kmc1989 @leigh70 @nancymcl @muhahaha303 @justwhisperingfantasies @jackles010378 @monkey-d-hoshizora98 @deanna45 @ozwriterchick

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

hey, so like. I'm a vaguely sex-indifferent asexual who's only had sex a handful of times but like. I had sex with someone who wanted me to ride them once and I could not for the life of me work out how the fuck you're supposed to move to make that both pleasurable and to not accidentally slip off your partner's dick and just.

"bounces on dick like I'm riding him to half canter."

my dude you have no idea how much this has clicked into my head as oh of course that's how that'd work. thank you??? idk when I'll ever ride someone's dick again but now I know how to make it way more enjoyable.

LMAOOOOOOOOOO there's a reason horse girls are all fucking sluuuuuuuuuuts (i say as a former horsehirl and current, proud slut)

People will sell you all manner of workouts to "make you better in bed" but fundamentally the best workout for sexual stamina I've ever had was daily horseback riding back when i worked as a stable hand. That shit will make you ride dick/strap like a motherfucking god

Also: it's a cheap and dirty trick for almost everything sex related, but yall, I'm begging my fellow three-holed sex havers to start doing kegel exercises with weighted aids until you can literally just orgasm command because I've had to do pelvic floor exercises my entire life and one time I rode dick so hard,so long, and so good, that the dick came dry on the last round and this was in no small part because I am capable of massaging the dick on purpose from the inside out baybeeeeeee. You know that trick people do with blowjobs where they put the condom on with their mouth? I can do that with my pussy folks, and trust me, they fuckin NOTICE the quality.

Not to mention, once your pelvic floor is in real good shape, basically anything can feel pleasurable because it's less about WHAT IS HAPPENING IN YOUR VAG and more about you physically inducing orgasm via muscle manipulation. It's the great equalizer of sex and orgasms. I have a lot of neuroses that mean I struggle with orgasm broadly, and especially on my own, but kegels have made it so that I am "sensitive" enough to orgasm real fast as soon as a partner whose movement I am not personally responsible for gets involved.

If anyone has seen that post about "none of your deserve to joke about pillow princesses until you respect the skill", this is kinda what that's talking about. Not that it's MY preference (I am not a pillow princess but I've fucked some and 😍😍😍😍) but I am very capable of laying back and making my top cum **no matter what they're doing** or if it should actually work out that way, because I understand how to perform kegels during sex to A) prevent dick/strap from fully popping out when things get a lil too wet and wild, B) "stroke" the dick/strap in an intentional grip and movement like with a handjob but in my pussy, my anus, or my mouth/throat as well, C) make sure I'm not getting so tight the dick can't keep doing its thing (less of an issue for straps but you fuck a glass strap for 3hrs and tell me how you feel about the idea that you can't get too tight on one for it to work right), and D) how to rotate my hips to adjust depths of thrusts to a top's preference for reaching or holding off from orgasm. That takes skill motherfucker, don't tell me a pillow princess doesn't work hard, that hole is premium grade have some respect and eat it out like it deserves.

.....I've gotten off topic here.

Anyway, I always HATED riding dick/strap because it's just not my thing you know, and like even now it is the worst of the positions for my personal pleasure. But you just can't beat the look on a power bottom's face when you pillow princess them from above like a goddamn succubus, and it turns out that horseback riding will teach you how to do just that while absolutely never once acknowledging that half the point of a morning ride for the horses is rubbing a few out in the saddle where no one can judge you but you and your god

[mhevarujta]

Lily Rose Depp said it for example: “It was clear to me from the beginning, and from what Rob [Eggers] was saying to me, it’s a love story with Count Orlok as much as it is with her husband. There’s a real love triangle there. “

I don’t have problems with love triangles with vampires or with Ellen loving Orlok, even if it’s fucked up. I have problems with how they executed it in the movie itself. Would people get this idea that Ellen loved Orlok or really wanted him or if there was real love triangle going on if they didn’t read piles of interviews from cast and crew and need to constantly refer to them? Movie itself needed to show it. Perhaps, Eggers simply can’t write gothic romances and really thought he was doing something, but it didn’t translate to screen. His WH comparison did him no favours, by inviting comparisons between Heathcliff and Orlok considering how bland and flat Orlok is as character. But Eggers really thought he was doing some deep comparison.

It's a love triangle because Ellen's desire lies with Orlok, not with Thomas.

IF his intention was to show love between Orlok and Ellen, Eggers fails. I DO think that Eggers' comments about Wuthering Heights only translate on screen very superficially in terms of Ellen being torn between what would exile her from society and between what makes her a part of it. But if we look at them as anything more than that, they'd only show that he doesn't have a good grasp of either Heathcliff or Catherine's characters, both of whom are miles away from Orlok and Ellen as individuals: To put it very superficially Orlok lacks Heathcliff's humanity, Ellen does not have Catherine's selfishness and overall, the lack of any emotional depth in their relationship aside, Ellen x Orlok don't even balance each other out as individuals in my opinion. Also, Heathcliff lives and breathes on love and spite, but as long as Catherine is still really fond of someone he would not unleash his cruelty upon them to its full extent, and this makes for some absolutely fascinating dynamics throughout Wuthering Heights. On the other hand Orlok is devoid of any of Heathcliff's complexity. He's paper-thin. He works as a symbol for the individual and the collective shadow, sure, and that's the most interesting part of his character, but he doesn't work in a straight-forward manner.

Nevertheless, I'd like to give Eggers the benefit of the doubt, in that he chose to be inspired by WH without replicating it. Because to be frank I think that, despite his comparison, if he intended for a genuine love to exist between Orlok and Ellen he wouldn't have actively deleted all the aspects that showed tenderness or even confidence on Ellen's part from the 2016 script. All the mentions of Ellen 'gently' touching him? Gone. The 'lovingly' when she brings him back to her? Gone. Ellen feeling "calm and confident in a way she has never been before?" Gone. The emphasis on Ellen being 'finally fulfilled'? Gone. Instead there are things that are added. Like a completely different direction for Ellen and Thomas' relationship, a last look of love between them even as Ellen lies with Orlok, the emphasis on Ellen's moment of reckoning and victory.

Moreover, despite Depp's talk about a love story, it's Eggers himself who has mentioned that the nature of Ellen and Orlok's dynamic is about obsession and not love. He has also acknowledged the existing rape and that Orlok is an abuser. So I think that it's really interesting when people who saw this movie with shipping goggles on are trying to say that Ellen was ONLY abused by her society, that these elements were not there and that other viewers are making them up because they didn't get what the movie was about or don't understand the genre. Ellen was a victim of the vampire and of society both, and that's part of her tragedy.

[coffeegnomee]

Im curious, if you had to make a required reading list or VODs to watch before anyone was added to Lifesteal, what would you put on there? My starting point would be barrier blocks and then I think I’d lose my sense of ideas

oh like for new players? hmmmm. barrier blocks for sure because it breaks down how the server works from the meta. and then some explanation of the cycles by someone, i'm partial to my post but that's pure bias.

but maybe a hot take, but i don't think new members need to watch the past, esp vods. i think it skews their perception of the server.

this is something that i thought about a lot last season looking at minutetech, bc he's been watching lifesteal for a long long time.

but it hit me one day during the joker arc just how insane it is to go from being a viewer to being a player on the server. because you can watch two players interact all day every day and see how lifesteal works,

but that's not YOU there in that conversation. You yourself are going to be different and will affect the story completely differently than anyone else.

you can watch mapicc and zam talk, but take out one of them and they're going to act differently towards you than they act towards each other. it doesn't really matter how they are between each other or any other member, you have to survive for yourself.

and it hit me in the joker arc bc minute had this perception of zam, knowing that he cares about the server and isn't this destructive, but none of that mattered because 1) zam had been changed by s4 and all of s5 up to that point and 2) minute was being a menace Specifically to zam, not dying all season, and now wanting to end the server in peace, which zam was absolutely against.

minute's actions changed how zam approached their relationship, so it didn't matter how much minute knew about the server and about its players, he was going to have to figure it out for himself what to do.

and i think a little (or a lot) of the tension this season is because kab and derap were longtime viewers before joining. they both have a perception on how zam is and acts and it affects how they interact with him, but zam doesn't have any of that same kind of backstory for them so he acts differently than they might expect. this was huge in how derap was pushing zam do things for himself so he wouldn't burnout and go evil like he always does. and kab thinking he was spineless bc all she remembers is eclipse (though her memory for the past is so terrible)

mane was also a long time viewer, but it doesn't feel like he's particularly taking the relational knowledge and putting it to use (at least not yet), but he did have a perception that lifesteal is all about the pvp and he had to learn otherwise. idk who he definitely watched, but it was for sure zam since s2 (when he also took mapicc and zam in a 2v1 and thought he would win but then got obliterated by them which made him realize the lifestealers were better at pvp than he expected) and obviously probably clownpierce and between that you would think it's only fighting. and probably write off zam being zam for why he would take loosing fights, but conclude that that was not being the point of the server.

basically your best teacher for how lifesteal works is logging on and doing things.

but i also might change my mind on this. there's a good number of youtube videos i think would be good for new members to watch, the cleansing and s3 finale, s4 TA prison (and bacon's second channel video on how he got in), leo's s3 finale and the dupe war, honestly spoke's wormhole truth video, subz's repairing s4 spawn after duper war, clown's funhouse. kind of a broad strokes on the exploits used and how, different types of video ideas, and a bit on how teaming and betrayal plays out.

but the lore just lores, you can't understand how it works until you live it.

but as an audience member i got lists and lists of required vods because i think for us it is always good to understand how people interact with each other in the past to understand why they are the way they are now. and we're not actually involved in anything.

[amidst-wonderland]

aw shark! i am so sorry! i meant to get to this earlier but i've been on dragon age brain-rot for the past two weeks but i just wanted to say thank you and that this little, but mighty peaky community here on tumblr has been absolutely everything to me (and dare i say, much more fun than the show itself).

also, this challenge has definitely reminded me that i need to be reading more from the peaky fandom.

i’ll probably come back to update this later as i get to know more ocs.

thomas shelby: "as sly as a fox."

has thomas shelby ever gone a full day without a hint of him being disingenuous? the only person this man has ever looked out for is the one in the mirror staring back at him. the fact he's so nonchalant about it, it's as easy as breathing for him. even if it eventually benefits others long-term, he still emotionally negates the harm he causes in getting to that conclusion. case and point, sending his family to jail and inflicting the horrors of the british prison system on them. polly is borderline catatonic, it's not shown in the show but michael is abused in prison again and arthur is a shell of himself. all for thomas to come in like the patron saint at the very last second (which again, might i add still does so for his own benefit, with the condition that he also receives a knighthood).

arthur shelby: "as strong as an ox."

the brute, the muscle, the mad dog, the dragon or as alfie puts it, "a fucking animal." which, as the show makes clear really can put a toll on someone. if john's all bark, no bite then arthur's the no bark, all bite. it really takes the right person to tame that kind of beast, but instead his brother's, again thomas simply exploit it. arthur feels things hard, he just isn't the best at articulating it and people look past how he really feel, even if it is with the best of intentions.

ada thorne: "as fast as a hare."

this is a double-edged sword, but you can tell ada really grows from it. she's sometimes too fast and doesn't consider every angle because she was purposely sheltered as most working-class women were and that quick-wit was often punished, not so much now that ada has both money and her brother's on her side as she's gotten older.

just as an aside, as much as gina is a foil for nora, i think ada is just as much. ada in season one likes to think she's hard-as-nails because of the people she's been surrounded by but it's not really an accurate portrayal in comparison to someone like nora.

john shelby: "as brave as a bear."

again, like his sister, this is a double-edged sword. for all the bravery john has, he's also no stranger to foot-in-mouth disease. he's not great at assessing a situation and his ground when it comes to people who don't 'fear the bear'. he's willing to take things on the chin but doesn't really consider the repercussions of it, like what happened with changretta and lizzie, or even just leaving out a weapon for his kid brother to play with.

he's protective over the one's he loves, if a little misguided in it. i also don't see a lot of people talking about this but john's easy going with people he already trusts but he's pretty territorial when it comes to people he doesn't.

honestly, his relationship with nora actually starts out a little antagonistic because of this and i think it's because they're so similar in that regard, it just presents differently because society allows john to feed into that and not nora.

heaven lavey: "as mean as a wolf, as sharp as a tooth."

if arthur is all bite, no bark then heaven is all bite, all bark both in the way she carries herself and interacts with those around her, especially when they begin to cross her.

visually, she's very much a delicate swan to admire (i mean i wouldn't know personally because i'm a big scaredy when it comes to literally any bird) but the girl's got just as much of a sharp of a tongue as she has teeth and she will in fact, go for the throat.

oswald mosley: "as long as a road, as ugly as a toad."

yeah, mosley was able to play the long-game unfortunately and speaking as a glaswegian, fuck him and outside of the billy boys we made sure as fuck he knew he wasn't welcome in this country. i can't really say much though because my relatives were on both sides of the razors. for all i know my great uncles could've been battering each-other because of him.

nora gray: "strong like family, strong as i wanna be."

oh boy, we're into the meat of this aren't we? i think this stems from two places. nora finds comfort in unity, which is what she had with the mcleod's and therefore it's what ultimately made her what she is and what values she holds near and dear. nora is equal parts nature vs. nuture and it's what puts her at odds with thomas as an individual and leaves her playing 'piggy in the middle' between the mcleods and the shelby's. when she's taken away from that unit she spirals. it's why her and esme fall out, yes esme to some extent was right for what she did - she saw a child in danger and acted - but it didn't change the fact that nora lost a part of her, both her connection to the taylor's and her mother.

when nora goes home at the end of series four she can let go of a breath she didn't know she was holding.

that said, nora definitely has rose-tinted glasses because she's been trapped in the alternative "family politics" are less underhanded and more so screamed at you when it comes to the mcleod's.

there’s a scene in black sails that really sums up nora’s relationship to glasgow and her relationship with it. max calling out eleanor saying, “this place (nassau) cannot love you back.”

nora also learns very quickly that nobody is going to look out for her family like she will, not even her husband.

polly gray: "as old as time, as straight as a line." 

polly’s a staple, the foundation and a constant for the shelby’s as people and as a company but she’s set in her ways, for better or worse.

whilst that “line” is always there, it’s become jaded as time goes on but that doesn’t mean she isn’t still looking out for those closest to her but at the same time, she’s set in her ways, whether right or wrong.

Everything at Once

A tribute to the Peaky Blinders fandom. Thank you for making the fandom live. Thank you for making me laugh, cry, feel at home, for making me smile, for helping me get through rough days.

To make it more interactive, these gifts come with a game: you have to reblog it and try to find why I chose these specific lyrics for as many characters as possible.

OCs’ owners in order: @peakyswritings @zablife @mischievouslittlecreature @lunarubra @amidst-wonderland @wonderlanddreamer @darklydeliciousdesires @novashelby @cillmequick (not a pb OC but she’s my love) @pacifymebby @evita-shelby @justrainandcoffee

Note: Sorry for those I couldn’t add due to lack of enough lyrics. Know that you are in my heart and I’ll compensate with another gift. @peakyltd @shelbydelrey @copinghex and many more. Also to the others, it’s just that we don’t really interact and I don’t know your OCs, but I still see you ;)

[invinciblerodent]

himh I'll make a Dark Urge that's so fucking scared

big scary bloodsoaked killer, tearing through armies with her literal bare hands? nah. a quiet, scared girl who doesn't understand why she does what she does, why she can do what she can, but is, at the same time, deeply disgusted by herself because she has just enough self-awareness to know to be repulsed.

maybe it's because I'm a tiny bit obsessed with clinging to the thought that people, at the end of the day, are fundamentally good, no matter what. that there is a fundamental human goodness in all people that makes them worthy of redemption, or at least of the opportunity for atonement.

maybe the way I want to play a story like that is with someone who, stripped from indoctrination and free for the first time to think for herself and embrace and be who she is, finds that in the deepest, most hidden pits of her soul, she is not the strong, kind, resilient person she might want to be. try as the might, she is not someone who can bear the weight of her own past, she's just a... a terrified, broken little girl, cowering in the shadows and unable to look herself in the eye. (which also gives me ideas for her relationship with Orin but that's a little bit beside the point)

cathartic self-insert who. therapy? what is that. is it on Steam or Epic.

[jesuis-assez]

↠ Tim & Lucy ↳ 2x10 - The Dark Side