#someone who *was* late diagnosed
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earthytzipi · 2 years ago
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I mean, yes, this is an experience a lot of autistic people have (myself included, speaking solely about the tags in the reblog above) but can we stop saying that "autism in real life" is supposedly being able to analyze social cues better than allistics? or that "autism in real life" is being hyperverbal or high empathy or deeply in touch with your emotions?
listen. I'm not saying that those aren't really autistic experiences, but I am saying that your experience is not universal, especially if your masking is so highly developed that nobody ever knows until you tell them and then they don't believe you at first. it's not fair for you to erase the autistics for whom none of the above is true.
(as an aside, i also don't *love* the implication in this post that if you are confident in yourself -read: if you don't mask or if your mask is imperfect- you aren't *realistically* autistic... like. hello? some of us don't mask or don't mask well! even at my most insecure, I've gotten the comment from people who don't know me well that I'm "so confident and so willing to be different" when I literally could not be any other way. please don't try to minimize us in our own community.)
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#actually autistic#autistic#I'm just.#not to use the levels but it's clear when someone whose support needs are lower is using their experience to generalize about the community#and I'm speaking here as someone who *was* a hyperlexic/verbal child#someone who *was* late diagnosed#... although it's not that ppl didn't know about me it was just 2003/4/5 and i was a girl and they wanted me to feel normal#yeah. you see how well that worked out.#but despite not being diagnosed i never fully developed a mask#and yeah that means i carry myself with what you might call *confidence* but what it actually is is#*i literally cannot pretend to be anything other than what i am*#and there are LOTS of autistics who are there and not having the experience of someone who has a well-developed mask#and don't even start on the iq thing that people always start on when they talk about masking#i don't mask and my iq (while it doesn't matter) is well above the average for adults.#i can see that when y'all bring up iq you're just attaching moral beliefs about someone's ability to mask that you haven't deconstructed#to perceived level of intelligence (another thing you have attached a sense of superiority to and haven't deconstructed)#I'm just sick of the generalizations based on one subset of the community's experience#we are all different there is no such thing as *real life autism* that *actually looks like this no really believe us!!*#and those of us who can speak or who can speak some of the time are privileged compared to autistics who can't#so sometimes we should think about that and not go off about how *we* think autism *actually is*#because that often ends up in downplaying support needs we don't experience.#nonverbal#semiverbal#masking#autism#autistic adult
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shewantsitall · 5 months ago
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Gordon: sorry it’s late, Rhoda
Rhoda: you’re always late
Gordon: i keep working on the spring song. is he angry that he doesn’t have the spring song yet? i bet

Rhoda: no. he’s angry that he doesn’t have the yes song.
Gordon Michael Schwinn has ADHD confirmed
That’s enough evidence for me, thanks
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the-one-who-lambs · 1 year ago
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y'all are so lovely because I've spent nearly my entire life feeling like I'm annoying for being too excited about my interests and trying to bandage them like a bleeding wound because I've learned that even many friends would put up with it until I become Too Much but now I'm surrounded by people who actually love that I pour my whole soul into what I do and suddenly I am no longer as intimidated by my muchness
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sapsolais · 28 days ago
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sometimes you have a shitty day but there are things that make it easier to keep going like:
- being silly with basically strangers
- hugs when you really need them
- quiet 3 am phone calls with people you really love
#idk. it's been such a hard couple weeks for me honestly#i've had to adjust to back 2 back changes over and over again. and i also feel guilty for a couple different reasons all at the same time#couple that with 0 free time and no money? and bills? woooff#today in particular was really hard because i went to bed so late (it was worth it) but in turn i got up later#had to hurry to my appointment which meant i didn't eat anything besides a yogurt. which is better than nothing#but then i had to get my blood drawn. twice. and was sooooo worried about the time bc i had work after. i almost fell asleep in the lobby bc#i was so tired. also i almost couldn't afford my appointment and almost had a heart attack. then i rushed to work and my boss made me drive#30 minutes back to my house to change my pants (pants i'd worn like 5 times before) because they had a TINY rip in them. i mean like 2 inch#there was 1 rip. girl. anyways i had to leave in front of all my coworkers AFTER JUST RUSHING THERE and i felt even MORE guilty bc i alr#leave and hour early for school WHICH ALSO doesn't help. me financially.#anyways then i had to email my prof that i'll be late bc work Needed me longer today. n just#christ. i was so fucking stressed#SO stressed#but i'm in bed now and#i was thinking about all the kids at work who gave me a hug today. like i always get hugs but today i Needed one. so it felt different#and in my lab today me and these total strangers were laughing like a pack of sleep deprived hyenas bc we kept makin silly jokes while#diagnosing a car and doing circuit work.#and i thought about how i talked with myself today even though i was in a rush i still made the time to journal for a bit#how my best friend sounded last night. how they'd drop everything no questions asked#how even though it feels like you've got no one in the moment you turn and suddenly someone's there#sometimes it's hard to see. it's blurry in our peripherals while we move through our days but. you sit at the end of it all#i like remembering all that.#sap says#txt#feel free to add in the tags btw
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thiefnessman · 2 years ago
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“ooooh late-diagnosed people have it so hard it’s so much better for people who were diagnosed in their childhood” stop it! they’re just giving you excuses! i was diagnosed with autism at a young age and my college refused to accept my paperwork because it was “too old”, meanwhile a bunch of my peers are given shit when seeking accommodations and whatnot because “ooh you were diagnosed too late”. no one has it better they’re just telling you bullshit.
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gender-is-a-scam · 7 months ago
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It’s always “of course I support all neurodivergence and disabilities” until someone is chronically late to everything and physically can’t help it
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i-ship-it-xoxo · 1 year ago
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It hurts because it doesn't matter how long I've know this person, how hard i try to mask and seem normal, or if they know about me being autistic or not I still get comments like this
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I got this message and it hit me in the gut doesn't matter what I will always be autistic and there will always be people who won't accept that.
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barbreypilled · 2 years ago
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I always find it so fascinating when ppl who found out about autism from A Certain Cellular Telephone Application find out that ppl are like. usually diagnosed before adulthood like if ur shocked by me getting diagnosed professionally at 15 ur mind is going to be blown when u find out I was experiencing visible and notable symptoms around 18 months and the fact that I wasn’t diagnosed in early childhood affected the rest of my life
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senseiwu · 3 months ago
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Just saw a video where someone mentioned reading the curious incident of the dog in the night time, and they thought afterwards they may have autism too. When they brought it up to their mum, she was like "you knew??" cause apparently she'd done that thing people seem to do where they keep an autism diagnosis secret from their kids
It made me remember when my grandma gave me that book to read when we were all at her place for Christmas. She said something like "I think you'll really like it", which confused me cause I was more into fantasy stuff than mystery novels. I mean. I did really like it. But it's one of the things that makes me wonder... did my parents do that thing too...?
#i want to ask but i dont know how and im too scared#i tried looking through my medixal records but myhealthrecord only goes back to like 2020#my gp who i have seen my whole life said shes unaware of anything like that happening#when i told my aunt i thought i had it she was like 'doesnt that have something to do with your eye condition' like. it wasnt a surprise#the other day i got really focused on trying to figure out when freight trains come through the train station near our house during dinner#i was doing it for like fivr ten minutes while we were talking about other stuff and then i said yes the freight trains do tend to come at#night because theyre not allowed on the tracks in peak hours. and yes i have been researching that this whole time#and he goes 'its my autism and i get to choose the special interest' or. hyperfixation or something#i asked him why he said that (does he know?) and he said it was just a joke because of the 'thing about autistic people liking trains'#but... does he know...#do they know...#i couldn't eat the food at my aunts wedding and i was expecting him to make some snarky comment#but instead he just helped me.explain my texture issues to our aunts friend. which i did not expect at all#one day. idk why. but my stepmum told me her oldest son had been diagnosed when he was a kid and she didnt tell him. even when he came to#her. upset. asking why he was so different from everyone else. id known her son since primary school long before our parents got together#i had no idea what to say man i dont know why she told me that#like. is it some big open secret that everyone but me knew until last year?#im starting to wonder if some of the help i got in high school wasnt just due to my vision. especially if my mum is to be believed about#them wanting to put me in the special ed class. seems a bit much for someone with vision problems right...? always thought that was odd#but. its my mum. and the story was about her fighting the school on that so. idk if i can believe her.#ignore me#its late and that video just made me think about all this again#idk. maybe things would have been better if id known. much like thr adhd but definitely no one knew about that
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ohara-n-brown · 1 year ago
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As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.
Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.
The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.
I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.
I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.
As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.
95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'
I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.
That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.
There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.
My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.
Borderline patients can't win.
And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.
BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.
Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.
And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.
I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.
Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.
Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.
To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.
I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.
I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.
You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.
Borderline people I'm sorry.
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screenshotsonpinterest · 10 months ago
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I don’t really vibe with who’s afraid of little old me simply because I think I’ve run out of sympathy for miss swift
But if I think about it hard enough I can make it about my late autism diagnosis and that’s why I DONT think about it hard enough anyway
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lqfiles · 10 months ago
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PAY THE PRICE — smau
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after getting evicted out of your old place, you're left with no other choice but to look for a cheaper alternative. which is how you end up becoming neighbours with lee haechan, who has a passion for music and disturbing whatever peace and quiet there is.
or in which you found yourself a very nice apartment, the only issue? your neighbour is your friend's somewhat ex-situationship who won't stop playing his guitar at 2 am in the night.
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neighbour!haechan x fem!reader
genre ; enemies to lovers, angst, fluff, probably slow burn, humour, neighbours au.
extras ; haechan is kinda an asshole | boy next door + likes everyone but you trope-ish | profanity and death jokes because they’re silly! | probably romantic tension | some mark x reader here and there | renjun and jaemin having their own e2bffs moment | probably inaccurate depiction of how someone would get evicted pls don’t shoot me 😅
notes ; i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan <333 idk i got nothing better to do now so i’ll just start this because i know i won’t be posting any of the other long fic wips any time soon 😭
PLAYLIST ; She , Tyler The Creator — For The Night , Chloe Bailey — IDK WHAT TO TELL YOU , Bktherula — Surprise , Chloe Bailey — I Wanna Be down , Brandy — Suite Life , FLO — Is It A Crime? , No Guidnce — Round&Round , NCT U .
STATUS ; ongoing and hopefully regular updates.
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profiles (1) profiles (2)
intro
1 ) jaehyun’s trophy wife
2 ) free cookies (not really)
3 ) midnight disturbance
4 ) attempted murder?
5 ) THIS IS FAMILY
6 ) haechan’s second identity
7 ) kiss buddies and useless complaints
8 ) critically acclaimed idgaf veteran
9 ) founders keepers..?
10 ) yangyang’s new interest (y/n)
11 ) a late welcome party
12 ) invest in a cage jaemin
13 ) cat fight (REAL)
14 ) the cure to a lack of sleep = cup pong
15 ) who said quiet guys can’t be freaky?
16 ) you got a girlfriend?
17 ) i DO have a girlfriend
18 ) this is life, i love life..
19 ) nah. they fucking.
20 ) let’s play apex?
21 ) whole house mad
22 ) drunken regrets
23 ) he’s got to be fucking with me..
24 ) a sincere apology letter (kinda)
25 ) are we cool or not?
26 ) we’re good (for real)
27 ) a personal guitar lesson
28 ) LIVE TWEETING YNHAE MOMENTS
29 ) a moment of vulnerability
30 ) friendly q&a between friends
31 ) that’s strange.. that’s weird..
32 ) solution to job loss = family guy (???)
33 ) what has jaehyun done for society?
34 ) ynhae bonding activity hours
35 ) an unwanted double date with yangyang
36 ) an overwhelming realisation
37 ) the universe can kill itself
38 ) a “what are we” conversation
39 ) i got that hair too, kinda
40 ) reviewing haechan’s tweet and new issues
41 ) diagnosed with the crush disease
42 ) putting your satisfaction first
43 ) some girl talk with mark.. this diva..
44 ) girls day gone WRONG
45 ) homies before hoemies
46 ) #BringBackGenderNorms2024
47 ) no one but us
48 ) the words of the DEVIL
49 ) remove the fake from life
50 ) y/n and jaemin would’ve loved this
51 ) you’re a queen and he’s just.. there
52 ) we are sooooo fixing this
53 ) spiritual connection attempts
54 ) satanic mind manipulation
55 ) cucklord
56 ) when you kinda gaf
57 ) when you been thuggin it out for so long
58 ) a second try
TBA . . .
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BONUS:
TBA . . .
TAGLIST is closed
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official-megumin · 5 months ago
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I know it's the third time I make an original post about this.
But me and Cuppy still need help for our go fund me pretty badly.
We're still in the process of having me diagnosed with whatever is causing my serious physical illness, and I'm still in the process of being declared unfit for work. And this won't be done till late October at the earliest.
I don't have a large income. Especially not one to take care of all the traveling on top of everything to go to doctors.
I also have a ko fi if yyou want to give us a bit to work of off for the day to day life.
Also because it apparently is needed to mention.
WE ARE NOT PALESTINIANS
if you want to help out the Palestine, we're not who to donate to. We of course appreciate any help, but we don't want it to be at the cost of someone else
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porcupine-girl · 3 months ago
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Hey, kids
Yes you, the Gen Z-er with your legal first name and diagnoses in your bio, who has never made any attempt to disentangle your fandom identity from your IRL identity.
Now is the time to start doing that. In some ways, it's too late, the internet is forever, etc, but you can start being safer going forward.
I've seen plenty of young people say they don't care if their IRL name is connected to their fandom activity because "they have nothing to be ashamed of" - which is very true, BUT it's not always about shame.
We don't know yet how far this administration will be able to push things. We don't know how heavily, if at all, queer or explicit content will be censored online. We don't know if or how people will be targeted (whether by the law or by other people going on witch hunts) for having created it.
But don't wait until we have a definite answer. Act now. You can't erase your wallet name from people's memories, but you can erase it from your social media. You can sign up for a fandom email account that only has your pseud and not your real name. (I am always shocked at the number of people we have participating in @fandomtrumpshate who use an email address that is their full legal name. We don't even require you to give us that on your donation receipts, please don't.) You can switch your AO3 account and all your fandom social medias to that new email account. You can stop telling people identifying details about yourself unless it's someone you know well enough to trust them not to tell other people.
I know, you don't want to cower. You don't want to run and hide. But you don't need to take unnecessary risks, either. If, once all the new laws etc come down, you look at the landscape and decide yes, I want to put my real name on this and deal with the consequences, that's great! But since we don't actually know what we'll be dealing with, you cannot make an informed decision on that yet. So I strongly suggest you lock it down for the moment, at least until we have more information.
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?
they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.
you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.
you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.
mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.
you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.
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yuukiiqwq · 11 months ago
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Our Blue Spring: Gojo Satoru x Reader
Time stopped for you that day. That day where all four of you are laughing together, the sun brightly shining, the wind gently blowing, the sky a beautiful blue, where all of you believed everything was going to be alright.
Tags/Warning: Fem!reader, Teen!Gojo, Reader is a jujutsu sorcerer, Fluff, Gojo in love, Gojo in denial, One-Shot
˚✧˚. Wc: 2.5k ˚✧˚.
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"Shoko! I need help!" Satoru burst through Shoko's door. "I think I'm dying!"
Shoko turned around to face Satoru. She did not want to deal with his childish antics right now. It was 8am in the morning, and she was surviving on less than 2 hours of sleep.
"Gojo Satoru. I haven't had my morning coffee yet. Do not talk to me until I have my coffee. I am not ready for whatever thing you have to say."
Satoru put his hand on his chest and whined dramatically– "You wound me Shoko! I could be dying right now, and all you care about is coffee!"
"Please do. It would save everyone from your annoyance," Shoko sighs.
"I am not annoyi–"
"Just tell me why you think your dying when you're perfectly fine."
"Well–" Satoru quickly plopped down on Shoko's chair and leaned his head back. "Lately, my heart had been beating super fast and–"
"Out of nowhere?" Shoko interrupted.
"Well, no but–"
"So around someone?"
"Technically, yes, but will you–"
"Around who?"
Satoru huffed angrily and crossed his arm. "Will you let me finish first! It's like I'm being ignored here!"
Shoko ignored his comment and continued– "Around wh–"
"Nuh, uh! Let me finish talking first!" Satoru immediately interrupted. "So, as I was saying before, I was rudely interrupted."
Shoko rolled her eyes at his comment because Satoru always rudely interrupted people when they're talking.
"Lately, my heart always beat super fast around her, and my eyes always follow her around. I always want to see her smile and see her happy. Whenever I see her sad or hurt–" Satoru grasped his shirt tightly where his heart was and looked down– "My chest hurts. It feels like someone ripped my heart out, which is impossible since I'm the strongest!"
Shoko had an expression of shock before it turned into amusement.
"And who is this girl?"
"Y/N! She must have cursed me, right? She must be envious of how strong I am despite her always denying it! Shoko! Diagnose me! I'm sure I'm dying!"
Shoko couldn't help but laugh at this predicament.
"Why are you laughing?" Satoru pouted. "I'm dying, and you're laughing at me."
Shoko eyes sparkled in amusement and mischief.
"You're diagnosed with love."
"What?"
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"Suguruuuuu!"
"No, Satoru. I don't want to listen to you complain about your crush for the 50th time today."
"I don't like her! I just–you know!" Satoru whined and made some weird hand gestures.
"Satoru. I swear to God, I will summon a curse right now to eat you. Ever since that day where Shoko diagnose you with love, you only talked about her, complained about how much you like her, how she doesn't pay enough attention to you and then denies it the very next second." Suguru sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. He can already feel an upcoming headache from this conversation.
"I don't like her!" Satoru whines again. "I don't like her just because my eyes follow wherever she goes. I just want to be close to her at all time! It's not my fault my heart and soul desires hers. It's not like I want her to be mine or anything! I don't like her like that."
"Satoru. You're contradicting yourself in every sentence."
"Excuse me? I am not!" He crosses his arms and starts to sulk.
"Are you guys fighting again?"
They both turned around to see you and Shoko carrying drinks.
"They're probably were being the idiot they are. Always fighting about the stupidest things." Shoko sighs and puts down the drinks on the table. "And they're the ones who made us go out and buy them drinks. I should be the one beating them up."
"Satoru was complaining about his crush again. This is like the 50th time today." Suguru grabs the newly brought coffee from the table. "Even coffee won't save me from this catastrophe."
"Geez Satoru, poor Suguru having to go through all that," you laughed. "When are you going to tell us who got you all whipped up?"
All three of them stared at you. Like stared at you.
"Why are you guys staring at me? I'm sure all three of us want to know who he likes since all he talks about is her."
"It's nothing to worry your pretty head about," Satoru says as he grabs his coma-inducing drink.
"You wouldn't understand since you're so oblivious to such obvious hints," Shoko said as she sat down and grabbed her coffee. "He's absolutely smitten by her, and the girl is completely oblivious."
This immediately causes Satoru to complain – "Excuse you! I do not give out obvious hints, and I absolutely am not smitten! I do not like her like that!"
What you didn’t notice during this time was how he kept sneaking quick glances at you. It's not like he can help it! You obviously had some dust on you, and it was bothering him!
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"Why is she with Nanami!? I'm so much cooler than Nanami!" Satoru glares at you who is busy talking to Nanami. "Why isn't she spending time with me!"
At this moment, all Suguru wanted to do was to dump Satoru into the trash can. Shut the lid and hope that the garbage man takes him far away. Not that it will help since Satoru could teleport.
"For the love of everything nice, Satoru just confesses that you're in love with her. Stop being in denial. I'm going to lose my mind listening to you complain every day about the same thing."
Satoru huffed– "It's not love!"
"Satoru, listen. What if someone comes up to her and takes her away from you? What are you going to do?"
"That's such an easy question!" Satoru laughed. "I can use reversal red on them, duh! Even their ashes won't remain!"
"What if she likes them too? Or what happens when we lose her all together? You know being a sorcerer is dangerous," Suguru sighed.
That immediately stopped Satoru from laughing. The smile immediately wiped away from his face, and the light in his eyes dimmed. The expression on Satoru's face was fear? Uneasiness? For once, Suguru couldn't tell what expression was on Satoru's face. He couldn't figure out what he was feeling.
"Satoru?"
No response.
"Satoru," Suguru shaked his shoulder. "Satoru."
Saroru snapped out of his daze. A smile immediately reappeared on his face, and his eyes light up once more.
"Hm? What did you say, Suguru? You bored me so much with your rambling that I dazed off~"
"Satoru–"
Before Suguru can reply– "Satoru! Suguru!"
Both of them look toward the sound of your voice. You were dragging Nanami toward them.
"Ah, finally bored of just talking to Nanami?" Satoru laughed as he walked up to meet you halfway. He then put his arms around Nanami. "Nanami is quite boring compared to me after all~"
You stared at him and then frowned. "Satoru."
"Hm?" He hummed as he tilt his head to face you.
"What's wrong? You're acting stran–"
"Nothing is wrong," he immediately interrupted you, smiling brightly. "You're imagining things. Everything is fine, right Suguru?"
Your frown deepen. Something wasn't right.
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Satoru felt like using reverse red. For all he knows, all he can see is red. Today was the day of the goodwill event, and there was this guy from Kyoto Tech who's putting his hands all over you. He felt like something was clawing his chest open. Sure, there is a rule of no killing, but surely they'll understand that his hand slipped, right? He just wanted to get rid of that weird feeling in his chest.
He then felt someone's hand on his shoulder.
"Jealousy is an ugly look, Satoru. You're going to stare a hole into that guy."
"I'm not jealous, Suguru. That guy just looks so annoying! He's annoying me by existing! I just think my hand is slipping, which might cause me to accidently use reversal red."
Suguru shakes his head in amusement.
"Whatever you say, Satoru. But she doesn't need rescuing Satoru," Suguru said as he pointed toward your direction. "Look."
They watched you as you elbowed the guy in the guts. The guy crumbled onto the floor, and you leaned down and said something to him before you noticed both of them. You immediately smiled and came up to them.
Suguru laughed as he ruffled your hair– "Ouch. That looks like it hurts a lot."
"He deserved it," you huffed. "He was annoying and being a disgusting pervert."
"Surely I can reverse red him, right? I mean, it's not like anyone will notice him gone–"
"Absolutely not, Satoru!" You quickly turned to look at him. "The rule of this event is absolutely no killing even if he's a creep!"
Satoru looked you in the eyes and then whined– "Fineeeee. No killing! Maybe a few broken bones or–"
"Satoru!"
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The sun was setting, and when the goodwill event ended, the guy from earlier has seen much better days. He was covered in bruises, broken bones, and a few fractures. But it's ok! He's just an NPC that no one would care about, as Satoru claimed.
"See, I didn't kill him!" Satoru exclaimed as he waited for you to compliment him.
You couldn't help but roll your eyes. "Good job, I guess."
"You guess?? How rude! I defended your honor!" Satoru complained.
"You saw me elbowing his gut this morning, Satoru," you replied, which led to Satoru to look away and sulk.
You laughed at his behavior before saying– "The sunset is beautiful today."
Satoru looked back up but not at the sunset. He looked at you. The way the light kissed your skin made you look beautiful. He felt his breath get taken away by your beauty. You were always beautiful to him. His heart felt like it was beating out of his chest.
"Yeah. Absolutely beautiful."
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After the goodwill event passed, Satoru was acting weird. Yeah, he's normally weird, but this was a whole different weird. Lately, he always seems to be in a daze thinking about something.
Today, you guys decided to go to the park to hang out, but Satoru was even more unusually quiet.
"Satoru! Earth to Satoru!" You called as you wave your hand over his face.
"Huh?" Satoru snapped out of his daze. "What's happening?"
"Shoko and Suguru went to buy some popsicles. You didn't answer them, so they said they'll make sure not to get you anything," you shaked your head and sighed. "We called you multiple times, but you didn't answer. What's on your mind lately? I'm worried about you."
Satoru bit the bottom of his lips and got up from the swing. He pushed you to sit down on the swing and held the chain with his hands.
"Satoru?" You tilted your head to the side in confusion.
He took a deep breath and looked you in the eyes.
"I have something to say. I think I'm in love."
You were about to open your mouth to say something, but Satoru quickly continued.
"Don't say anything until I finish."
You closed your mouth and nodded. Satoru's cheek was dusted in a shade of light pink. You couldn't help but think about how cute he looked in this moment.
"You remember asking who I was 'whipped' up for? The one I always complain to Suguru about?"
You slowly nodded your head.
"It's you. It's always been you. My heart always beat uncontrollably fast around you. All my thoughts are consumed by you and only you. I want you to be happy. I want you to smile. I never want to see you hurt. I don't ever want to see you sad. Lately, I’ve been thinking about what life would be like without you and... it's hard to imagine. I feel like there's this hole in my chest when I imagine what life would have been like without you. Maybe I have been denying my feelings for a long time despite knowing that I was in love."
You notice how Satoru was trembling. He was scared.
"I'm scared. I'm scared of these new and weird feelings in my chest. I'm scared of love. I'm scared of the changes it will bring. I'm scared of the pain of losing you because I love you. I'm scared to lose you. I'm scared to imagine my life without you. But I want you to be mine. I love you. I love you so much that I feel like dying without you. Will you please date me? Go on a date with me? Let me court you? Be my girlfriend? Let me call you mine? Please?"
You were beyond surprised. You didn’t expect him to confess to you out of everyone. You definitely didn’t expect him to pour out all his feelings either. But it was a pleasant surprise. You couldn’t help but smile gently at Satoru.
"Satoru." You said as you cupped his face.
He looks at you, eyes gleaming with anticipation and fear.
"I'll date you."
The second you said those three words, Satoru eyes light up with happiness.
"Really?" He asked as he took your hands off his cheek and into his own.
"Really."
Satoru immediately pulled you up from the swing, lifted you up, and spinned you around. He couldn't help but feel relieved that you agreed to date him. He felt extremely happy. He felt like he had the world in his hands, and in a way, he did. Because you are his world.
"Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you," he laughed.
You couldn't help but laugh along with him. After all, he had the brightest smile on his face right now. He was radiating pure happiness. He gently put you back down onto the ground and leaned down towards you.
"I want to kiss you. May I? Or am I moving too fast?"
You smiled, leaned in, and wrapped your arms around his neck– "You may."
He wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you closer. When he leaned down and your lips gently connected, you felt butterflies fluttering in your stomach. A feeling of warmth spread across your body. It was like everything was perfect. Like it was meant to be. It felt just right.
When your lips parted, both of your cheeks were dusted with a shade of pink. You stared in each other's eyes for a moment before both of you crack a smile.
"About flipping time."
Both of you jumped and turned around to see Shoko and Suguru. Their eyes were sparkling, and they had a smirk on their face.
"You guys–" you started as you carried a massive blush on your face. "How long have you been there?"
"The whole time," Shoko laughed as she shook her head.
You looked down and then noticed that they hadn't brought any popsicles like they said they were going to.
"Man," Satoru whined and nuzzled against you. "You guys totally set this up, didn't you?"
A moment of silence passed before you let out a laugh. Your laugh caused Satoru to start laughing as well. Which ended up with all four of you standing there laughing.
In your mind right now, time stopped. All four of you together, the sun brightly shining, the wind gently blowing, the sky a beautiful blue, where all of you believed everything was going to be alright.
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Author's note: I struggled a lot with deciding the ending... I wanted it to be a happy ending, but I also originally planned for a sad ending. After going back and forth for a while, I decided a happy ending with a tiny hint of angst. đŸ©”
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