#someone who *was* late diagnosed
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Gordon: sorry it’s late, Rhoda
Rhoda: you’re always late
Gordon: i keep working on the spring song. is he angry that he doesn’t have the spring song yet? i bet…
Rhoda: no. he’s angry that he doesn’t have the yes song.
Gordon Michael Schwinn has ADHD confirmed
That’s enough evidence for me, thanks
#a new brain#idk not qualified to diagnose but I’ve got my theories#as someone who is also always late#just my ramblings
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y'all are so lovely because I've spent nearly my entire life feeling like I'm annoying for being too excited about my interests and trying to bandage them like a bleeding wound because I've learned that even many friends would put up with it until I become Too Much but now I'm surrounded by people who actually love that I pour my whole soul into what I do and suddenly I am no longer as intimidated by my muchness
#hannah's rambles#reading my comments feels like getting hundreds of hugs.#not to be so loudly late diagnosed autistic but uhhhhhhh#i still worry a lot that I'm too annoying#I was talking to my therapist months ago about unmasking and worrying about my friends seeing me differently#and she asked me what I valued in friendship and one of my first answers was authenticity. someone who isnt afraid to own their Weirdness#and she was like “ok. so does that not apply to you or? bc you build friendships around valuing authenticity”#“so if you unmask the authentic self you've been hiding you'll probably find your friends already love who you are”#when i tell you that shit has taken this entire year to actually click#and I'm feeling LOVE in this chili's tonight.
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"I've never been wanted anywhere" "all I want is to be cherished, and here I am talking gibberish with a selfish man." "you can't come home with me"
#i know her‚ i know her! that is my close personal confidant her name is 'not having formed a tight-knit bond with a friend since childhood.#growing up‚ being put in situations where you could finally have the chance to maybe actually make a meaningful connection like that again#and then realizing that you have hyped this all up in your mind too much. that perhaps you have imagined this scenario so many times#that it has become a fairytale and real life is not like that. that there will be a lot of people who are dull or misalign with you.#but then you do find someone you click with and you already start imagining the great lifelong friendship you will have#& then you find out or you realize that they are not as excited to be friends as you are.#to them you are just acquaintances and that is all it will ever be.'#she goes by 'late diagnosed autism' for short.#she speaks#the haunting of hill house
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It’s always “of course I support all neurodivergence and disabilities” until someone is chronically late to everything and physically can’t help it
#absolutely insensed with rage rn#I just saw a tiktok of someone venting that they can’t stand people who turn up late all the time and like my beef isn’t actually with them#ppl have feelings and I’m not about to pick fights over that it’s not my damn business rlly#but there were so many comments about adhd time blindness and the overwhelming reception to them was ‘get over it try harder’#LIKE OH IM SORRY DID YOU MISS THE DISORDER PART OF ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVE DISORDER#oh nooo I’m soooo sorry that someone else’s disability that DISABLES THEM inconveniences you#everyone thinks that being neurodivergent in any sense just means you’re a little silly and quirky!! and not that it’s an actual condition#that gets diagnosed for a reason because it impairs functioning#anyway rant over I just needed to get this out and arguing in tiktok comments is only going to make me madder
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“ooooh late-diagnosed people have it so hard it’s so much better for people who were diagnosed in their childhood” stop it! they’re just giving you excuses! i was diagnosed with autism at a young age and my college refused to accept my paperwork because it was “too old”, meanwhile a bunch of my peers are given shit when seeking accommodations and whatnot because “ooh you were diagnosed too late”. no one has it better they’re just telling you bullshit.
#like ok there's some things that i have experienced that are probably better than someone who was diagnosed late#but there are also things i experienced due to my childhood diagnosis that sucked.#and furthermore: having been in special ed since... i dont know actually when i started? maybe 2nd grade?#and furthermore: just because i have a longer history of diagnosis and paperwork still does not grant me enough Legitimacy#in the eyes of Big Ableism (sorry. cant think of a way to phrase this)#no one will ever be 'good enough'#they are pitting people against each other and giving you dumb reasons as to why they wont accept and listen to you#sorry i just. the whole thing with my autism expiring and me explaining it to my peers at college was like.#oh people really think i have it better. they really told them they actually *like* it when people are diagnosed in childhood.#people actually believe that that is a magical wand that allows you to bypass ableism#bc ppl were so surprised that this was happening to me#dude they will give you bullshit abt diagnoses and paperwork no matter what!!! it's gatekeeping!!!#ignore the fact that two of these tags start with 'and furthermore' in a weird way. for some reason i cannot edit them
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It hurts because it doesn't matter how long I've know this person, how hard i try to mask and seem normal, or if they know about me being autistic or not I still get comments like this
I got this message and it hit me in the gut doesn't matter what I will always be autistic and there will always be people who won't accept that.
#neurodivergent#actually autistic#autistic women#late diagnosed autistic#autism#this was someone who i was close too#and now its all i can think about
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I always find it so fascinating when ppl who found out about autism from A Certain Cellular Telephone Application find out that ppl are like. usually diagnosed before adulthood like if ur shocked by me getting diagnosed professionally at 15 ur mind is going to be blown when u find out I was experiencing visible and notable symptoms around 18 months and the fact that I wasn’t diagnosed in early childhood affected the rest of my life
#like my late diagnosis wasn’t a matter of ‘I was just a mysterious little quirked up baby who was sooo good at masking’#my parents neglected me and I was a female child in a catholic school. lmao I could have been coughing up blood daily and gotten nothing#BEFORE U START YELLING AT ME I REALIZE WHY SOMEONE WOULD GET DIAGNOSED AS AN ADULT LMAO#15 is still very late especially for the way my tizzywizzy manifests like I’m level 2 I get it i was neglected#I just find it funny how any and all resources are like specifically geared towards children and that is a massive problem for ppl who need#resources as an adult and a significant margin of ppl dominating the narrative think most autism diagnoses occur after the age of 18#it’s bonkers to me#I promise I’m not revisiting my sanctimonious Person Who Talks About My Brain On The Internet thing again#I’m just annoyed lmao#actuallyautistic#autism
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I mean, yes, this is an experience a lot of autistic people have (myself included, speaking solely about the tags in the reblog above) but can we stop saying that "autism in real life" is supposedly being able to analyze social cues better than allistics? or that "autism in real life" is being hyperverbal or high empathy or deeply in touch with your emotions?
listen. I'm not saying that those aren't really autistic experiences, but I am saying that your experience is not universal, especially if your masking is so highly developed that nobody ever knows until you tell them and then they don't believe you at first. it's not fair for you to erase the autistics for whom none of the above is true.
(as an aside, i also don't *love* the implication in this post that if you are confident in yourself -read: if you don't mask or if your mask is imperfect- you aren't *realistically* autistic... like. hello? some of us don't mask or don't mask well! even at my most insecure, I've gotten the comment from people who don't know me well that I'm "so confident and so willing to be different" when I literally could not be any other way. please don't try to minimize us in our own community.)
#actually autistic#autistic#I'm just.#not to use the levels but it's clear when someone whose support needs are lower is using their experience to generalize about the community#and I'm speaking here as someone who *was* a hyperlexic/verbal child#someone who *was* late diagnosed#... although it's not that ppl didn't know about me it was just 2003/4/5 and i was a girl and they wanted me to feel normal#yeah. you see how well that worked out.#but despite not being diagnosed i never fully developed a mask#and yeah that means i carry myself with what you might call *confidence* but what it actually is is#*i literally cannot pretend to be anything other than what i am*#and there are LOTS of autistics who are there and not having the experience of someone who has a well-developed mask#and don't even start on the iq thing that people always start on when they talk about masking#i don't mask and my iq (while it doesn't matter) is well above the average for adults.#i can see that when y'all bring up iq you're just attaching moral beliefs about someone's ability to mask that you haven't deconstructed#to perceived level of intelligence (another thing you have attached a sense of superiority to and haven't deconstructed)#I'm just sick of the generalizations based on one subset of the community's experience#we are all different there is no such thing as *real life autism* that *actually looks like this no really believe us!!*#and those of us who can speak or who can speak some of the time are privileged compared to autistics who can't#so sometimes we should think about that and not go off about how *we* think autism *actually is*#because that often ends up in downplaying support needs we don't experience.#nonverbal#semiverbal#masking#autism#autistic adult
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Just saw a video where someone mentioned reading the curious incident of the dog in the night time, and they thought afterwards they may have autism too. When they brought it up to their mum, she was like "you knew??" cause apparently she'd done that thing people seem to do where they keep an autism diagnosis secret from their kids
It made me remember when my grandma gave me that book to read when we were all at her place for Christmas. She said something like "I think you'll really like it", which confused me cause I was more into fantasy stuff than mystery novels. I mean. I did really like it. But it's one of the things that makes me wonder... did my parents do that thing too...?
#i want to ask but i dont know how and im too scared#i tried looking through my medixal records but myhealthrecord only goes back to like 2020#my gp who i have seen my whole life said shes unaware of anything like that happening#when i told my aunt i thought i had it she was like 'doesnt that have something to do with your eye condition' like. it wasnt a surprise#the other day i got really focused on trying to figure out when freight trains come through the train station near our house during dinner#i was doing it for like fivr ten minutes while we were talking about other stuff and then i said yes the freight trains do tend to come at#night because theyre not allowed on the tracks in peak hours. and yes i have been researching that this whole time#and he goes 'its my autism and i get to choose the special interest' or. hyperfixation or something#i asked him why he said that (does he know?) and he said it was just a joke because of the 'thing about autistic people liking trains'#but... does he know...#do they know...#i couldn't eat the food at my aunts wedding and i was expecting him to make some snarky comment#but instead he just helped me.explain my texture issues to our aunts friend. which i did not expect at all#one day. idk why. but my stepmum told me her oldest son had been diagnosed when he was a kid and she didnt tell him. even when he came to#her. upset. asking why he was so different from everyone else. id known her son since primary school long before our parents got together#i had no idea what to say man i dont know why she told me that#like. is it some big open secret that everyone but me knew until last year?#im starting to wonder if some of the help i got in high school wasnt just due to my vision. especially if my mum is to be believed about#them wanting to put me in the special ed class. seems a bit much for someone with vision problems right...? always thought that was odd#but. its my mum. and the story was about her fighting the school on that so. idk if i can believe her.#ignore me#its late and that video just made me think about all this again#idk. maybe things would have been better if id known. much like thr adhd but definitely no one knew about that
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As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.
Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.
The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.
I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.
I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.
As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.
95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'
I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.
That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.
There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.
My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.
Borderline patients can't win.
And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.
BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.
Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.
And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.
I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.
Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.
Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.
To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.
I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.
I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.
You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.
Borderline people I'm sorry.
#autism#bpd#borderline personality disorder#actually autistic#neurodivergent#neurodivergency#neurodiversity#cluster b
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I don’t really vibe with who’s afraid of little old me simply because I think I’ve run out of sympathy for miss swift
But if I think about it hard enough I can make it about my late autism diagnosis and that’s why I DONT think about it hard enough anyway
#it’s also about my fictional characters but that’s a different post#someone take my fucking teeth out#taylor swift ttpd#ttpd#who’s afraid of little old me#actually autistic#late diagnosed autistic#Taylor swift
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I know it's the third time I make an original post about this.
But me and Cuppy still need help for our go fund me pretty badly.
We're still in the process of having me diagnosed with whatever is causing my serious physical illness, and I'm still in the process of being declared unfit for work. And this won't be done till late October at the earliest.
I don't have a large income. Especially not one to take care of all the traveling on top of everything to go to doctors.
I also have a ko fi if yyou want to give us a bit to work of off for the day to day life.
Also because it apparently is needed to mention.
WE ARE NOT PALESTINIANS
if you want to help out the Palestine, we're not who to donate to. We of course appreciate any help, but we don't want it to be at the cost of someone else
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PAY THE PRICE — smau
after getting evicted out of your old place, you're left with no other choice but to look for a cheaper alternative. which is how you end up becoming neighbours with lee haechan, who has a passion for music and disturbing whatever peace and quiet there is.
or in which you found yourself a very nice apartment, the only issue? your neighbour is your friend's somewhat ex-situationship who won't stop playing his guitar at 2 am in the night.
neighbour!haechan x fem!reader
genre ; enemies to lovers, angst, fluff, probably slow burn, humour, neighbours au.
extras ; haechan is kinda an asshole | boy next door + likes everyone but you trope-ish | profanity and death jokes because they’re silly! | probably romantic tension | some mark x reader here and there | renjun and jaemin having their own e2bffs moment | probably inaccurate depiction of how someone would get evicted pls don’t shoot me 😅
notes ; i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan <333 idk i got nothing better to do now so i’ll just start this because i know i won’t be posting any of the other long fic wips any time soon 😭
PLAYLIST ; She , Tyler The Creator — For The Night , Chloe Bailey — IDK WHAT TO TELL YOU , Bktherula — Surprise , Chloe Bailey — I Wanna Be down , Brandy — Suite Life , FLO — Is It A Crime? , No Guidnce — Round&Round , NCT U .
STATUS ; ongoing and hopefully regular updates.
profiles (1) profiles (2)
intro
1 ) jaehyun’s trophy wife
2 ) free cookies (not really)
3 ) midnight disturbance
4 ) attempted murder?
5 ) THIS IS FAMILY
6 ) haechan’s second identity
7 ) kiss buddies and useless complaints
8 ) critically acclaimed idgaf veteran
9 ) founders keepers..?
10 ) yangyang’s new interest (y/n)
11 ) a late welcome party
12 ) invest in a cage jaemin
13 ) cat fight (REAL)
14 ) the cure to a lack of sleep = cup pong
15 ) who said quiet guys can’t be freaky?
16 ) you got a girlfriend?
17 ) i DO have a girlfriend
18 ) this is life, i love life..
19 ) nah. they fucking.
20 ) let’s play apex?
21 ) whole house mad
22 ) drunken regrets
23 ) he’s got to be fucking with me..
24 ) a sincere apology letter (kinda)
25 ) are we cool or not?
26 ) we’re good (for real)
27 ) a personal guitar lesson
28 ) LIVE TWEETING YNHAE MOMENTS
29 ) a moment of vulnerability
30 ) friendly q&a between friends
31 ) that’s strange.. that’s weird..
32 ) solution to job loss = family guy (???)
33 ) what has jaehyun done for society?
34 ) ynhae bonding activity hours
35 ) an unwanted double date with yangyang
36 ) an overwhelming realisation
37 ) the universe can kill itself
38 ) a “what are we” conversation
39 ) i got that hair too, kinda
40 ) reviewing haechan’s tweet and new issues
41 ) diagnosed with the crush disease
42 ) putting your satisfaction first
43 ) some girl talk with mark.. this diva..
44 ) girls day gone WRONG
45 ) homies before hoemies
46 ) #BringBackGenderNorms2024
TBA . . .
BONUS:
TBA . . .
TAGLIST is closed
#haechan smau#nct smau#nct dream smau#nct 127 smau#haechan imagines#nct imagines#nct 127 imagines#nct dream imagines#haechan x reader#nct x reader#nct 127 x reader#nct dream x reader#haechan texts#nct texts#nct dream texts#haechan fluff#nct fluff#nct 127 fluff#nct dream fluff#nct dream social media au#haechan social media au#nct social media au#haechan scenarios#nct scenarios#nct 127 scenarios#nct dream scenarios#haechan x you#nct x you#nct dream x you
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they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?
they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.
you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.
you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.
mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.
you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.
#writeblr#warm up#to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace#but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X'#and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!''#babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3#mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES#and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for#than have 1 kid NOT get help#but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here#bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness''#it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!''#& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness#but use it to defend THEIR actions#like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell?#you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse?#but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck?#your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross?#HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like#all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like.#anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol
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hot take: if you got diagnosed as an adult and people around you said “you don’t SEEM autistic thought”, your support needs are low, and you could’ve functioned just fine without a diagnosis, you’ve got no business ‘reclaiming’ the r word
#autism#autistic#sincerely someone with low support needs who was diagnosed as a kid and called that as a kid on the reg#genuinely I hate how the autism community is flooding with late diagnosed ppl who act like they know everything about every autistic
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Hey, kids
Yes you, the Gen Z-er with your legal first name and diagnoses in your bio, who has never made any attempt to disentangle your fandom identity from your IRL identity.
Now is the time to start doing that. In some ways, it's too late, the internet is forever, etc, but you can start being safer going forward.
I've seen plenty of young people say they don't care if their IRL name is connected to their fandom activity because "they have nothing to be ashamed of" - which is very true, BUT it's not always about shame.
We don't know yet how far this administration will be able to push things. We don't know how heavily, if at all, queer or explicit content will be censored online. We don't know if or how people will be targeted (whether by the law or by other people going on witch hunts) for having created it.
But don't wait until we have a definite answer. Act now. You can't erase your wallet name from people's memories, but you can erase it from your social media. You can sign up for a fandom email account that only has your pseud and not your real name. (I am always shocked at the number of people we have participating in @fandomtrumpshate who use an email address that is their full legal name. We don't even require you to give us that on your donation receipts, please don't.) You can switch your AO3 account and all your fandom social medias to that new email account. You can stop telling people identifying details about yourself unless it's someone you know well enough to trust them not to tell other people.
I know, you don't want to cower. You don't want to run and hide. But you don't need to take unnecessary risks, either. If, once all the new laws etc come down, you look at the landscape and decide yes, I want to put my real name on this and deal with the consequences, that's great! But since we don't actually know what we'll be dealing with, you cannot make an informed decision on that yet. So I strongly suggest you lock it down for the moment, at least until we have more information.
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