#someone please fucking kill me

[petrofagonicapocalypse]

Cavs and Stu armpit night

[noelledeltarune]

EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt

[crypt1dzday0ff]

Someone, please help me

[lost-my-way-there]

I'm someone who reads fanfics and daydream all the time to escape reality where everything is— literally everything is shit. I wish you'd rather kill me, I wouldn't put up a fight

[bruciemilf]

“Battinson needs a Robin” “Battinson needs a Superman” “Battinson needs a Harley” I agree with all of that, but do you know what else Battinson needs? An Oliver Queen.

[samwisefamgee]

family sucks :)

[notwalterwhite]

nothing like a panic attack at 4am, love being a girlboss

[spacedace]

“Hey, I need to get married for bullshit Infinite Realms reasons, you two in?”

“Tt, of course.”

“Sure thing! Do we need to get going for that like, right now? Or later?”

“Eh, like in a couple of hours? The Observants are demanding some Royal Ball or something and they pulled out some stupid old laws out of their collective asses that if I’m not married by the time it starts they can assign me spouses of their choosing, can you fucking believe that shit?”

“Woah, what the hell? Can they even do that?”

“I was under the impression they were only permitted to observe.”

“Right? It’s total crap, but apparently there’s like this super old law on the books and they didn’t bring it up until now when there’s like no time left to try and force me to marry someone they pick.”

“They are training to gain influence over you?”

“Eh, more like they’re trying to get control of my Dad by way of me. But still fucked as hell.”

“So why do you need to marry both of us? Or do you just need to marry one of us and we should play rock paper scissor for it?”

“Technically I only need to marry one of you, but I don’t want them pulling out any loopholes or something. So, it’d be great if one of you could be my consort for my role as Queen of Mirrors, and one could be my consort for my role as Crown Princess. You two can figure who’s who on that all that, I’m good with whatever.”

“Oooh, can I be consort for the Mirror Court? I can annoy Kon more that way.”

“I am amenable to that. Grandfather will have a fit when he learns that I can cut his access to the Pits off at my discretion and there’s nothing he can do about it.”

“Awesome, okay are you two good for meeting up at like, three? We can pop over to my Lair and get everything sorted out there.”

“Works for me, my only class til this afternoon is at one and the professor already said we’re cutting out early because she has to go out of town this weekend.”

“Four would be more agreeable if possible, I have to take Titus to the vet for his checkup.”

“Okay let’s aim for four then. It’s just signing some paperwork, making some quick blood-slash-ectoplasm pacts and swearing a couple binding oaths… Should only take like five or ten minutes?”

“They’re not gonna make you have a huge royal wedding or anything?”

“Nah. Dad keeps things pretty chill so as long as the paperwork is all in order we’ll be good. Though once Auntie Dorathea finds out she’s absolutely gonna make us have one. She loves planning weddings. Swear its what she makes her hoard out of somehow.”

“So long as we have a say in some of the proceedings I have no issue with that eventuality.”

“Same, it sounds like it’d be a fun way to annoy the Observants even more.”

“Don’t for get all the weirdos trying to be my suitors and all that bullshit.”

“We have an accord then. We can reconvene at the usual place.”

“Awesome, you two are the best! I gotta jet and let everyone know and get the ball rolling on the paperwork stuff. See you guys at four!”

With that, Nomad - Stella Phantom, Crown Princess of the Infinite Realms, Queen of Mirrors, Core of the Speedforce and ghostly hero of the Titans and the Justice League - tore a rip in the fabric of space and time and darted out of the room the same way she came. Through the mind-bending tear in reality the eerie, eye-searing green of the Infinite Realms glowed in all its unsettling glory, Phantom Keep a glittering expanse of night sky made solid in the distance.

Jon waved at her cheerfully as Damian gave a nod of farewell before both silently turned their attention back to their respective tablets as the portal closed behind their friend and teammate and the glimpse of the Ghost Zone disappeared again. Completely unbothered by the conversation just held or the life changing implications that came with them.

Jon was humming as he tapped away at something on the screen before him, Damian propping his head up on his fist in vague boredom as he frowned down at the information he was reading.

The rest of the room Nomad had left behind was caught in a frozen, stunned silence in the wake of the baffling conversation they’d all just been witness to. All eyes in the room darted between Flamebird and Pheonix seated calmly at the end of the table, then to the space where Nomad had disappeared to, back to the young men, and then towards the head of the table where Superman and Batman sat looking bewildered and a bit on the verge of heart attacks.

The short status update meeting was about to become much, much longer it seemed.

Though a lot more entertaining.

[phddyke]

All credit for this joke goes to my fiancé, @raineseda .

[spite-and-waffles]

FUCK YES STEPHANIE IS THE JASON THAT NEVER WAS PANDA YOU ARE THE HERO THIS FANDOM NEEDS BUT DOES NOT DESERVE PREACH THE GOSPEL OF STEPHANIE AMEN

[vaggieslefteye]

MORE THAN ANYTHING - REPRISE ↳ from Hazbin Hotel Season One (2024): 1x08 - "The Show Must Go On"

[terukotime]

merry christmas y'all......so project eden's garden amirite

[skrunksthatwunk]

this show is melting my fucking organs

[secretly-larry-daley]

I need to tell you guys about my WaveWave love languages headcanon, or I might explode.

So, in my head, I think everyone has at least two love languages. The type of love a person likes to give and the type of love a person likes to get. Of course, they’ll always be exceptions to this rule where people will like to give and receive the same love language, but this won’t be the case here.

I just want to note if I get any characterization wrong, I apologize, I’m still new to this fandom 🥲

Shockwave:

Shockwave’s first love language (in my head) is gift giving. As an emotionally repressed guy, I don’t think he knows how to properly express his feelings towards those he loves. So the easiest way for him is to give gifts! It’s just the matter of remembering things that his partner likes, right? Well… it’s a little more complicated than that. Because Shockwave can get immensely carried away with gifts. Like he’s still the same bot who has random mech parts lying around, you can’t tell me he hasn’t given Soundwave the head of their enemies at least once. And what I find funny is that I’d like to believe that Soundwave would eat it up. Like he did that?? For me??? He’s so flattered, even if the bouquet Shockwave gave him were carved out autobot parts made to look like flowers. It’s fiiiine.

Now for Shockwave’s second love language, I think he values quality time. Because somewhere, in that cold spark of his, I think he’s lonely. He’s constantly in his lab, alone, doing who knows what half the time. Shockwave has created so many emotional walls, that I think he would appreciate someone who could tolerate being just near him. So not only does Soundwave tolerate him, but actively spends time working next to him, it means a lot to him. And the fact that not only that, but Soundwave trusts him enough to recharge next to him, well— it means the whole world to him. Sleep is one of the most vulnerable states you can be in. And if Soundwave feels comfortable enough to do that, it has to mean something!

Soundwave:

With Soundwave, surprisingly, I think his first love language would be physical affection. I think it makes the most sense due to the fact of his cassettes. He’s basically a father to them, so I think he’s been conditioned to it. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I think a part of him really likes being a source of comfort, not only towards his cassettes, but towards Shockwave. Unfortunately, he’s not able to express this very often due to the fact he must uphold a “cold hearted mech” persona. Don’t be fooled, though, because whenever he has the chance, he will lean over on Shockwave’s shoulder when he’s working. It maybe a small gesture but I think it means a lot to both of them.

Soundwave’s second love language is Acts of Service. I mean, it makes sense. Again, he’s a father and a high ranking Decipticon. That must be extremely tiring; especially when you have your own personal needs to attend to. So, he’d be extremely happy if you made his birth or helped take Ravage out on a walk— hell, even just let him take some time to have a bath. That’s where I think Shockwave’s gift giving would come in, because he would just make things for Soundwave that would make his life much more convenient. Of course, it’s nothing as horrific as his usual gifts, but if that means that Soundwave can live his life a little easier, Shockwave will do it.

[syl-stormblessed]

this belongs in the hall of fame right next to “My father thinks I’m a better man than he is. Unfortunately for you, he’s wrong.”

[dlldior]

i cannot begin to tell you guys how much i hate this charles grey fucker and his ugly face and ugly hair someone fire his barber. why is he always here. can he fuck off for once with his annoying ass chipmunk voice and his annoying ass chipmunk face.