#someone is toxic to your mental health?

[autumnday19]

I love how on tumblr it’s so normal to block people. Someone says something you hate? Block em. Someone is annoying? Block em. You just don’t vibe with them? Block em. 

[ae-cha08]

[montaguespades]

Hey so I'm here today to say one thing: FUCK your parents.

No matter where you came from, or who they told you that you had to be, you can BE the patriarch, matriarch, or otherwise gender non-conforming guiding light of your own family, and you can do so FAR away from anyone you've ever known.

Do not let blood relation (or the lack thereof) limit you, stifle you, or gaslight you.

A community is not built by inbreeding and unquestioned loyalties to your elders, fundamentalist Christian cults are.

This is your "go no-contact" signal, your reminder that the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb; you know who you love, and you know who truly and unconditionally loves you.

Honor yourself, and honor those who remain loyal to you; snuff them out of your life when they prove themselves untrustworthy and unsafe. You deserve it.

[r4v3nr0s3]

YOURE ALLOWED TO HAVE EMOTIONS EVERYONE LABELS TOXIC STOP SAYING YOU SHOULDNT EVER HAVE EMOTIONS LIKE ANGER JEALOUSY DISGUST POSESSIVENESS.

THE FEELINGS HAVE ALWAYS EXISTED AND ITS FINE BUT ACTING LIKE AN ASSHOLE FUELED BY THEM IS NOT. THATS IT. STOP ACTING LIKE HEALING MEANS YOUVE TRANSCENDED EMOTION. YOU’RE LOCKED IN SHUT DOWN AND TOXIC POSITIVITY. GET A FUCKING GRIP.

[fennthetalkingdog]

You know, when I was first researching neurodivergence (and autism and ADHD in particular) and wondering if I was, in fact, neurodivergent, I brought my conclusions to my mom and she said:

"I mean, you're gifted, right? So you already are neurodivergent???"

So here's to her (kinda) and her words. Giftedness is a neurodivergence, in my opinion. From what I've seen, a lot of the traits overlap with common autistic and/or ADHD traits too, especially regarding overexcitabilities, and a lot of researchers talking about the topic describe giftedness with the same kind of "your brain is just made differently" and "you're just wired differently" language as they use for other neurodivergent conditions. But I also say this because I've seen some gifted people who, while struggling with some "autistic/ADHD traits," don't have all the traits necessary for an autism or ADHD diagnosis. Giftedness is a label for them that encompasses the struggles they have without saying that they don't struggle enough or forcing them to try to fit into a mold that isn't them. And I get that; when I was first questioning, I didn't think I had enough autistic traits to count for a diagnosis either, so I took comfort in a "gifted" label. (Not to say that all gifted people are just autistic people and/or people with ADHD that don't realize, or that all gifted people are just people who don't have enough traits for a diagnosis! That was just the case for me and the folks I've been around, but I've also heard the case of it not being that.)

But if I am gifted, then I also have autism. A lot of my struggles are, honestly, just better described by autism than just by a byproduct of giftedness. My struggles with people and with "being too much," my sensory differences (and yes, sometimes issues), my stimming, and some of my executive dysfunction all sound like autistic traits to me more than a mix of psychomotor and sensual overexcitabilities and a whole bunch of coincidental byproducts of my being gifted and hanging out with nongifted peers. Don't get me wrong; based on my family history, background, and traits, I honestly probably am gifted lol. But it's not just that.

So this is me saying that if the people around you are saying that you're just gifted, you're free to look for other, perhaps better explanations for your feelings and experiences. But if you are just gifted, you're still free to call yourself neurodivergent! My gifted traits lead to me feeling just as ostracized sometimes as my autistic ones, so who am I to police that label?

[trans-leek-cookie]

Thinking about geto because I want to pour milk on him and throw him against the wall. Imo his beliefs are inconsistent and self serving (which makes sense because he developed said beliefs at age 16/17 while his mental health was at an all time low). Because while he seems to have the primary motive of "only sorcerers = no curses" taking into account how he treats Maki, who has no cursed energy, it shows that the "no curses" thing isnt the main focus- bc while he decided on tbe "forced evolution" thing, theoretically he should not be Opposed to ppl w heavenly restriction bc. They still fuckin. Don't contribute to curses from what I can tell. Also heavenly restriction is pretty obviously something that is punished by uh. Is it just the Zenin's who have it. Anyway they hated Maki and they Hated Toji so he clearly isn't standing for "oppressed sorcerers" bc if so Maki should be like. The kind of person he wants to help more, as someone who would be oppressed by ppl who aren't sorcerers as well as the powerful clans.

Anyway. While getting rid of curses is for sure part of his motivation, as well as helping sorcerers (see Nanako and Mimiko) id honestly argue that his main problem that lead to him spiraling was. How do I put this. Being knocked off a pedestal

Because he was one of 3 people given the ranking of "Special Grade", and he and satoru are grouped as "the strongest". And consider that satoru comes from a powerful clan and literally has some weird omniscience and invincibility shit going on so that's a whole fucking. That's gotta be a wild ego boost, especially for someone who comes from a family of ppl who aren't sorcerers. Like you spend all this time being a fuckin weirdo and then someone finds you and it turns out you're actually incredibly special and strong, given the same rank as a fucking God Child? You're gonna have some wild self perceptions after that

Anyway then you get to watch your invincible friend get stabbed, watch the girl you became friends with and feel shitty about kinda ruining the life of get shot, and get your whole shit rocked by some guy who can't even use the magic power bullshit you have. (Though he's got a whole physical thing going on because of the trade off)

Also writing all of this out actually makes me understand the Cult Leader progression more, like besides the fact they killed ur friend and you want em dead. You're probably struggling with your ego (especially since your weird God like friend got a whole power boost from the situation) so you create a fucking eugenicist cult where you can consistently prove your superiority to yourself (surrounding yourself with people who will agree with everything you say).

Anyway in a similar vein I wholely believe in "a loving father is not inherently a good father" Suguru + Nanako & Mimiko dynamic

Final thought is roughly I feel like looking at Suguru thru the lense of "this character had a level of privilege that they felt they truly deserved, and after experiencing events that are genuinely traumatic and horrific for any person, they develop reactionary beliefs to try and regain a sense of superiority and control" rather than "oppressed minority who killed oppressors and wants to do eugenics"

[twistedappletree]

LMAO IT HAPPENED THE OTHER GIRL QUIT AND STORMED OFF AHAHA back to having no days off for meeeeee

[zero-a]

people will go all "just be yourself and love yourself! :)" and then go "if you don't act the way i want, you gotta reprogram your entire way of thinking then reach into the very core of who you are and what makes you you, discard it, and replace it with this better, friendlier, more empathetic version that's coincidentally far more convenient for me to deal with than any other possible compromise we can make that you can do for me but doesn't stretch your mind to nothing but thin bands of what you'd consider 'You' :))))))"

[rizzulusarcturizz]

yo i can't reply to your comment OP blocked me lol, but i just wanted to say sorry if my comment was too aggressive but i'm just really annoyed at anyone who acts like family Must Mean Everything - especially since i've gotten shit so many times for not loving my own. if someone wants to hc sirius as not caring for regulus it doesn't mean that they're an only child - or that it's a bad hc, cause OP made it sound like it was (maybe they didn't mean it like this though). and tbh i don't feel like anyone is trying to be the authority about them, people just read this characters differently, we don't even have a clear canon of them so ofc that happens

anyways sorry again if it was badly said in my comment

I’m not offended, everyone is entitled to their own opinions! I was speaking to my personal experience and am the first to admit I can’t fathom the idea of not caring about my siblings. I’m not saying people are wrong if they have a different experience, I absolutely recognize the importance of setting healthy boundaries with family. There isn’t one universal relationship that all siblings experience; lots of people go no contact with family members because it’s the best thing they can do to protect themselves! That being said, what concerns me about some of the headcanons about the Black brothers having a bad relationship is that it can start to get in to the realm of victim blaming.

When we’re writing from the character’s POV Sirius/Regulus resenting the other brother for staying/leaving is completely understandable. That being said, when readers start to say one of them is terrible for trying to survive what is often interpreted as an abusive household you get in to a more grey zone. No one should ever be encouraging children to do something that they personally don’t feel safe doing in an abusive situation. This isn’t directed at you, I’m not suggesting that’s what you were saying, but my day job is a social worker so I feel entitled to say this.

I can’t speak for OP, obviously, but I think they were just speaking to a particular headcanon they dislike. I definitely have seen people wielding the idea of “canon” to justify only one idea of a character which I think is silly because we know very little canonically about these characters. I don’t think it was an aggressive comment but it is typically considered rude in fandom to comment on someone’s post calling them out for a personal fandom rant. Tumblr is a space to cultivate your own experience; if you feel like people are making you feel shitty for your personal family experience you should absolutely block away. This particular fandom is exhausting at the best of times given how much conflict there is; don’t feel like you have to consume content that makes you feel bad. Sibling relationships are not a one size fit all kind of thing and don’t let fandom make you think otherwise!

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Currently resisting the urge to blackmail my father into therapy

[shadowsong26x]

image description: a tweet from tasbeeh (@ THerwees), timestamped 6:07 PM on 2/26/23

every day people log on here to say they won’t pick up their friends from the airport they won’t help their friends move they won’t help take care of their friends children and suddenly it becomes clear why so many of you are lonely

[ae-cha08]

Sometimes it's more painful to hold on to something that isn't there (anymore) than the pain of letting go. You can't have a good relationship with everyone in your life that you'll ever meet and that's okay. Some people only come into your life to teach you the lessons you need to learn at that moment in your life. Accepting this will save you a lot of energy, time and pain in the long run.

[rurinnfane]

Man… if you’re going through shit, people close to you notice, and you don’t wanna talk about it yet, please know it’s okay to just say so. As for everyone else, just let that happen and don’t force the issue unless you’re concerned for someone’s safety. We aren’t owed immediate explanations for everything, and that’s okay.

We shouldn’t have to find ourselves in situations where you don’t wanna talk about it but you also don’t feel comfortable saying that you don’t wanna talk about it… so you just drag your very large and obtrusive elephant through the room with you as you walk by. That doesn’t help anyone, and now you’ve got people even more concerned about you because that elephant looks like it’s ready to crush you.

[neverendingford]

.

[factsilike]

@milfzun oof your tags🥺 I wanted to respond to them. I am so so sorry you went through such things in your life, no one should have to choose between their own comfort and sanity of mind over their family. I know a thing or two about complicated familial relationships myself, it seems to be almost a guarantee in most Asian families.

But regarding WWX's and JC's relationship, I don't think reconciliation is possible. I mean if it weren't for the fact that JFM had brought him into his clan and raised him and so WWX by necessity had to get along with him, WWX in another scenario (such as if his parents lived and he could afford a easy life or he was born as someone rich with status) would not become friends with JC, because he would have other options.

Their personalities are just too incompatible, and their moralities do not align. One of the major differences between them was highlighted when we saw how in the Xuanwu Turtle Cave, JC actively held WWX back from coming to Mian Mian's defence, seeing no reason to help her if it was to his own detriment. WWX on the other hand, wanted to help her simply because it was just and the right thing to do. They were not the same. And this major difference, as well as others continues to widen the rift between them throughout the novel until their relationship is torn apart completely.

As for WWX not having any support, I think it's beautiful that WWX gets to now choose his family in his second life. He had to make do with what relationships he was given in his first life, and of all of them only Jiang Yanli showed him unconditional love and support, and declared him her brother. But now he has LWJ, who can unconditionally love and support and protect him. (This is one of the reasons why I love that scene in the tree in Lotus Pier so much, when WWX looks down that tree and thinks back to the last time when he fell, in Jiang Yanli's arms, how she had loved him and cared for him but could not protect him. And this time, when he lets himself fall, he lands in the arms of someone who loves him and cares for him and is strong enough to stand by him and protect him. It's an important distinction, and I love it so much. MXTX, how smart you are!)

I got sidetracked, but essentially yes WWX has a different family now, LWJ and the juniors, and that's all right. They are enough. Oh, and sweet, good natured WN!

About how difficult it is to truly cut off familial ties, I absolutely agree, not everyone is able to do such a thing. But JC and WWX were never truly family, were they? They are not related by blood, and as I said, if given the choice, WWX would not choose to be friends with someone like JC. JC himself says WWX broke his promise to forever stay by his side, as in forever be his subordinate and be in servitude to him. That's not someone who thinks of you as family would say.

Also, what you said about WWX having power over JC now, how he now has control over their relationship....I couldn't help but think; is that truly a good relationship at all? Where you no longer trust the other person, and you might pretend that everything is normal, and that you still love them and want them in your life, because they used to mean a lot to you and you care for them and yet you always live on tenterhooks over how they might suddenly reset in their abusive ways and try to seize back control? Essentially, you no longer feel safe around them, and are always walking on eggshells afraid that one day they might hurt you again, because they've done it before?

I think that eventually, at least for WWX, he can forgive the pain, he can forgive the atrocities committed against him, he can forgive the betrayal, but he can never forget.

People like to imagine WWX and JC reconciling so easily...

As if WWX would ever forgive him for leading a bloodthirsty siege against the innocent people he gave up everything, even his life, to protect.

Also, WWX and JC at the core of their personalities are just too different. Their morals don't align, so a healthy brotherly relationship between them is just not possible, it never was. All they ever do in the novel is mostly disagree and fight. There were barely any pleasant or wholesome interactions between them.

It's for the best that they go their separate ways at the end of the novel, because literally the best thing JC ever did for WWX was leave him alone to live his (second) life.

WWX himself even clearly says who he wants-

"At the end, only Lan Wangji was the one left remaining by his side. How fortunate, then that Lan Wangji was also the only one he wanted by his side."

He does not want JC in his life anymore, nor does he have any room for him.

[wilwheaton]

In a long essay about the televised incident, Wheaton makes a lot of salient, emotionally vulnerable points about his reaction to David’s stunt, tying it in to memories of parental abuse he suffered as a kid—pointing out, among other things, that, within the agreed-upon fiction that we all adhere to pretty fervently around all things Muppet or Muppet-related, Elmo is a child. Writing, Wheaton notes that “Elmo is an avatar for children all over the world. Children who are too small to understand Elmo is a puppet will know that a man attacked someone they love for no reason, and that will frighten and confuse them.”

Wil Wheaton condemns Larry David for his Elmo-based violence

This story is a week old, and has blown up today. The right wing smoothbrains are out in force, doing their usual thing, until they get distracted by the existence of a successful woman somewhere in the world and have to go rage against that.

I don’t know why this is happening today. I don’t know why right wing clout chasing incels have decided to make this their Thing today. It’s all very confusing, especially a week after the fact.

But I want to put something here that I added to my post on Facebook, that those dudes (it’s always dudes whose entire personality is “MONSTER ENERGY DRINKS!”) need to hear but won’t understand:

A lot of us who had the same visceral reaction to a grown man putting his hands on a child (Elmo is 4 years old) in anger, without consent, and then laughing about it all share an experience that you should be grateful you don't share with us. And when you say your shitty little toxic and cruel thing, when you reduce the whole thing to a puppet and a joke, you're doing to us what the adults around us did when we were kids. And it hurts all over again. Are you really someone who wants to hurt another person simply because you can? Maybe take the impulse to be a jerk and redirect it into being grateful you have no idea why this is so upsetting to so many of us.

Larry David put his hands on another performer, without consent, in a segment he was not part of. That, alone, is not okay. It is not EVER okay. The fact that so many people don’t get that, or are deliberately choosing NOT to get that, is telling.

But as I said, Elmo is a child, and he is a friend to children, so all the kids whose parents were watching the Today Show with them, because Elmo was on to talk about sharing big feelings and caring for your mental health, got to watch this man storm into a set, and angrily attack Elmo.

That’s indefensible behavior, and calling me names doesn’t change that.