#I’ve accepted myself as queer. I’ve accepted my dark tastes in music and media.

[greatfay]

controversial opinions?

Cold pizza actually not good. Tastes like angry bacteria.

There’s a completely separate class of gay men who are in a different, rainbow-tinted plane of reality from the rest of us and I don’t like them. They push for “acceptance” via commercialization of the Pride movement, assimilation through over-exposure, and focus on sexualizing the movement to be “provocative” and writing annoying articles that reek of class privilege instead of something actually important like lgbtqa youth homelessness, job discrimination, and mental health awareness.

Coleslaw is good. You guys just suck in the kitchen.

Generational divides ARE real: a 16-year-old and a 60-year-old right now in 2021 could agree on every hot button sociopolitical topic and yet not even realize it because they communicate in entirely different ways.

Sam Wilson is a power bottom. No I will not elaborate.

Allison’s makeover in The Breakfast Club good, not bad. She kept literally and metaphorically dumping her trash out onto the table and it’s clearly a cry for help. Having the attention and affection of a smart, pretty girl doing her makeup for her was sweet and helped her open up to new experiences. Not every loner wants to BE a loner (see: Bender, who is fine being a lone wolf).

Movie/show recommendations that start with a detailed “representation” list read like status-effecting gear in an RPG and it’s actually a turn-off for me. I have to force myself to give something a try in spite of it.

Yelling at people to just “learn a new language” because clearly everyone who isn’t you and your immediate vicinity of friends must be a lazy ignorant white American is so fucking stupid, like I get it, you’re mad someone doesn’t immediately know how to pronounce your name or what something means. But I know 2 languages and am struggling with a 3rd when I can between 2 jobs and quite frankly, I don’t have the time to just absorb the entire kanji system into my brain to learn Japanese by tomorrow night, or suddenly learn Arabic or Welsh. There are 6500 recorded languages in the world, what’s the chance that one of 3 I’ve learn(ed?) is the one you’re yelling at me about. Yes this is referring to that post yelling at people for not knowing how to pronounce obscure Irish names and words. Sometimes just explaining something instead of admonishing people for not knowing something inherently in the belief that everyone must be lazy entitled privileged people is uh... better?

Stop fucking yelling at people. I despise feeling like someone is yelling at me or scolding me, it triggers my Violence Mode, you don’t run me, you are not God, fuck off. Worst fucking way to "educate” people, it just feels good in the moment to say or write and doesn’t help. Yes I’ve done it before.

Violence is good actually.

Characters doing bad things ≠ an endorsement of bad things. Characters doing bad things that are unquestioned by the entire rest of the cast = endorsement of bad things, or at the least, a power fantasy by the creator. See: Glee, in which Sue’s awfulness is constantly called out, while Mr. Shue’s awfulness rarely is because he’s “the hero.” See also: the Lightbringer series, in which the protagonist is a violent manipulator who is praised as clever, charming, diplomatic, and genius by every supporting character (enemies included), despite the text never demonstrating such.

Euphoria is good, actually. It falls into this niche of the past decade of “dark gritty teen shows” but actually has substance behind it, but the general vibe I get from passive-aggressive tumblr posts from casual viewers is that this show is The Devil, and the criticism of its racier content screams pearl-clutching “what about the children??” to me.

Describing all diagnosed psychopaths as violent criminals is a damaging slippery slope, sure. But I won’t be mad at anyone for inherently distrusting another human who does not have the ability to feel guilt and remorse, empathy, is a pathological liar, or proves to be cunning and manipulative.

It’s actually not easy to unconditionally support and love everyone everywhere when you’ve actually experienced the World. Your perspective and values will be challenged as you encounter difficult people, experience hardship, are torn between conflicting ideas and commitments, and fail. My vow to never ever call the cops on another black person was challenged when an employee’s boyfriend marched into the kitchen OF AN ESTABLISHMENT to scream at her, in a BUSINESS I MANAGED, and threaten to BEAT the SHIT out of her. Turns out I can hate cops and hate that motherfucker equally, I am more than capable of both.

Defending makeup culture bad, actually. Enjoy it, experiment, master it, but don’t paint it as something other than upholding exactly what they want from you. Even using makeup to “defy the heteropatriarchal oppressors!” is still putting cash in their pockets, no matter how camp...

Not every villain needs to be redeemed, some of you just never outgrew projecting yourself onto monsters and killers.

Writing teams and networks queerbaiting is not the same as individuals queerbaiting. Nick Jonas performing exclusively at gay clubs to generate an audience really isn’t criminal; if they paid to go see him, that’s on them, he didn’t promise anyone anything other than music and a show. Do not paint this as similar to wealthy, bigoted executives and writing teams trying to snatch up the LGBTQA demographic with vague ass marketing and manipulative screenplays, only to cop out so as not to alienate their conservative audiences. And ESPECIALLY when the artists/actors/creators accused of queerbaiting or lezploitation then come out as queer in some form later on.

Queer is not a bad word, and I’ve no clue how that remains one of few words hurled at LGBTQA people that can’t be reclaimed. It’s so archaic and underused at this point that I don’t get the reaction to it compared to others.

People who defend grown-woman Lorelai Gilmore’s childish actions and in the same breath heavily criticize teenage religious abuse victim Lane Kim’s actions are not to be trusted. Also Lane deserved better.

Keep your realism out of my media, or at least make it tonally consistent. Tired of shows and movies and books where some gritty, dark shit comes out of nowhere when the narrative was relatively Romantic beforehand.

Actually people should be writing characters different from themselves, this new wave in the past year of “If you aren’t [X] you shouldn’t be writing [X]” is a complete leap backward from the 2010s media diversity movement. And if [X] has to do with an invisible minority status (not immediately visible disabilities, or diverse sexual orientations and gender identities, persecuted religious affiliations, mental illness) it’s actually quite fucked up to assume the creator can’t be whatever [X] is or to demand receipts or details of someone’s personal life to then grant them “permission” to create something. I know, we’re upset an actual gay actor wasn’t casted to play this gay character, so let’s give them shit about it: and not lose a wink of sleep when 2 years later, this very actor comes out and gives a detailed account of the pressure to stay closeted if they wanted success in Hollywood.

Projecting an actor’s personal romantic life and gender identity onto the characters they play is actually many levels of fucked up, and not cute or funny. See: reinterpreting every character Elliot Page has played through a sapphic lens, and insulting his ability to play straight characters while straight actors play actual caricatures of us (See also: Jared Leto. Fuck him).

I’m fucking sick of DaBaby, he sucks. “I shot somebody, she suck my peepee” that’s 90% of whatever he raps about.

“Political Correctness” is not new. It was, at one point, unacceptable to walk into a fine establishment and inform the proprietor that you love a nice firm pair of tits in your face. 60 years ago, such a statement would get you throw out and possibly arrested under suspicion of public intoxication. But then something happened and I blame Woodstock and Nixon. And now I have to explain to a man 40 years my senior that no, you can’t casually mention to the staff here, many of whom are children, how you haven’t had a good fuck in a while. And then rant about the “Chinese who gave us the virus.” Can’t be that upset with them if you then refused to wear your mask for 20 minutes.

Triggering content should not have a blanket ban; trigger warnings are enough, and those who campaign otherwise need to understand the difference between helping people and taking away their agency. 13 Reasons Why inspired this one. Absolutely shitty show, sure, but it’s a choice to watch it knowing exactly what it contains.

Sasuke’s not a fucking INTJ, he’s an ISFP whose every decision is based off in-the-moment feelings and proves incapable of detailed and logical planning to accomplish his larger goals.

MCU critique manages to be both spot-on and pointless. Amazing stories have been told with these characters over the course of decades; but most of it is toilet paper. Expecting a Marvel movie to be a deeply detailed examination of American nationalism and imperialism painted with a colorful gauze of avant-garde film technique is like expecting filet mignon from McDonalds. Scarf down your quarter pounder or gtfo.

Disparagingly comparing the popularity and (marginal) success of BLM to another movement is anti-black. It is not only possible but also easy to ask for people’s support without throwing in “you all supported BLM for black people but won’t show support for [insert group]” how about you keep our name out your mouth? Black people owe the rest of the world nothing tbh until yall root out the anti-blackness in your own communities.

It is the personal demon/tragic flaw of every cis gay/bi/pan man to externalize and exorcize Shame: I’m talking about the innate compulsion to Shame, especially in the name of Pride and Progress. Shame for socioeconomic “success,” shame for status of outness, shame for fitness and health, shame for looks, shame for style and dress, shame for how one fits into the gender binary, shame for sexual positions and intimacy preferences, shame for fucking music tastes. Put down the weapon that They used to beat you. Becoming the Beater is not growth, it’s the worst-case scenario.

Works by minorities do not have to be focused on their marginalized identities. Some ladies want to ride dragons AND other ladies. The pressure on minorities to create the Next Great Minority Character Study that will inevitably get snuffed at the Oscars/Peabody Awards is some bullshit when straight white dudes walk around shitting out mediocre screenplays and books.

Canadians can stfu about how the US is handling COVID-19 actually. Love most of yall, but the number of Canadian snowbirds on vacation (VACATION??? VA.CAT.ION.) in the supposed “hotbed” of my region that I’ve had to inform our mask policies and social distancing to is ASTOUNDING. Incroyable! I guess your country has a sizable population of entitled, privileged, inconsiderate, wealthy, and ignorant people making things difficult for everyone, just like mine :)

No trick to eliminate glasses fog while wearing my mask has worked, not a single one, it actually has affected my job and work speed and is incredibly frustrating, and I have to deal with it and pretend it’s not a problem while still encouraging others to follow the rules for everyone’s safety and the cognitive dissonance is driving me insane.

It’s really really really not anti-Japanese... to be uncomfortable with the rampant pedophilia in manga and anime, and voice this. I really can’t compare western animation’s sneakier bullshit with pantyshots of a 12-year-old girl.

Most of the people in the cottagecore aesthetic/tag have zero interest in all the hard work that comes with maintaining an isolated property in the countryside, milking cows and tending crops before sunrise, etc. And that’s okay? They just like flowers and pretty pottery and homemade pastries. Idk where discourse about this came from.

You think mint chip ice-cream tastes like toothpaste because you’re missing a receptor that can distinguish the flavors, and that sucks for you. It’s a sort of “taste-blindness” that can make gum spicy to some while others can eat a ghost pepper without crying.

Being a spectacle for the oppressive class doesn’t make them respect us, it makes them unafraid of us. This means they continue to devour us, but without fear of our retaliation.

Only like 4 people on tumblr dot com are actually prepared for the full ramifications of an actual revolution. The rest of you just really imprinted onto Katniss, or grew up in the suburbs.

Straight crushes are normal. They’re people first, sexual orientation second. Can’t always know.

The road to body positivity is not easy, especially if what you desire is what you aren’t.

You’re actually personally responsible for not voluntarily bringing yourself into an environment that you know is not fit for you unless you have the resolve to manage it. Can’t break a glass ceiling without getting a few cuts. This one’s a shoutout to my homophobic temp coworkers who decided working a venue with a drag show would be a good idea. This is also is a shoutout to people who want to make waves but are surprised when the boat tips. And also a shoutout to people who—wait that’s it’s own controversial opinion hold up.

Straight people can and should stay the fuck out of gay bars and queer spaces. “yoUrE bEInG diVisiVe” go fuck yourself.

[oneweekoneband]

Today’s first guest post is by my friend and fellow The Singles Jukebox contributor Vikram Joseph.

Counting to 15, 20, 30… - Delayed Queer Adolescence and the Songs of Troye Sivan

- Vikram Joseph

On a humid early August evening a few weeks ago, in one of those converted warehouse bars endemic to inner north-east London, I was chatting over drinks with a guy I’d once dated and had last seen in 2014. There was a lot to catch up on, and the conversation ran unexpectedly, rewardingly deep. It became clear that, though we’re both well into our adult lives by any conventional measurement, we’d each changed and grown significantly in the intervening years in a way that films, books and the media seem to suggest happens in your late teens. The idea of delayed adolescence being a common trope for queer people came up, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot since then. Why do those formative years of growth and the exploration of self-identity seem to happen later for us? Is it a delayed phase of development, a prolonged phase, or both? And how is this reflected in the way we interact, the spaces we choose to spend time in, and the art we consume?

***

A recent viral tweet:

“Gay culture is your life being delayed by 10 years because you didn’t start being yourself until your mid-20s.”

At the time of writing, this tweet has 117,000 likes.  Clearly, this is a phenomenon which touches nerves across the spectrum.

To the extent that we can “know” a pop singer through their songs, it seems like Troye Sivan – still just 23, and releasing his second album – has done his growing fairly early on. In just a few years, we’ve heard him go from singing about tentative gay crushes to the fully-realised queer euphoria of his newer songs. And yet, the concept of protracted, stuttering adolescence is crisply, poignantly refracted through his music, and I feel that a lot of his immense appeal to queer people far older than himself can be attributed to this.

***

HEAVEN “The truth runs wild, like kids on concrete.”

“Heaven” deals with the internal struggle for self-acceptance – by no means unique to LGBTQ+ people, but one that everyone who’s grown up on that spectrum will understand intimately, in the form of coming out to yourself. “Without losing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven?” Religion is a useful allegory here, but ultimately a distractor – the duality Sivan is really concerned with here is about happiness. For a lot of us, coming out for the first time feels like a crossroads, where we have to make a choice between one kind of happiness and another, and “Heaven” captures this (false, but very powerful) dichotomy beautifully.

Sivan’s first album, Blue Neighbourhood, hangs heavy with the imagery of suburbia. It’s rich, relatable visual and psychological territory, exemplified in decades’ worth of teen TV dramas and coming-of-age films. Many of us will recognise it as the backdrop to the fraught intensity of that long, tangled conversation with ourselves; the feeling of being on the brink of everything and the precipice of nothing, the intoxicating, paralysing combination of anticipation and dread. Sivan deals with this at 15; for me, I was 20, during university Christmas holidays, back in the dull hum of suburbia. Maybe there’s something about it that gives us the emotional space to plumb the depths of those brave new ideas. “Heaven” conjures this musically as well as lyrically, with a tense two-chord shuffle, close, muffled production, and Betty Who’s guest turn evoking a better angel from the future, reassuring us, beckoning us towards the light. If I’d heard it at 20, or earlier, it would have destroyed me; it might even have accelerated my own journey.

Sivan sings about “counting to 15”, the age at which he came out to his family. There’s something that invariably surprises straight people, when I’ve tried to explain it to them, but will come as no surprise at all to anyone else, and it is this: coming out never stops. Every new environment presents a decision to make and a challenge to face; and while it gets easier (and can often be an incredibly liberating experience), it’s never a formality. The subtler aspect to this is that there is no end-point to coming out to yourself, either. Accepting yourself as a gay person is just the beginning; there follows years and years of figuring out what that means. And I think this lies at the heart of delayed queer adolescence. These are questions of identity that are near-impossible to figure out alone, and many of us aren’t surrounded by other people with the same questions until much later – either due to geography, or opportunity, or not realising how badly we need to be, or maybe all of the above. And so “counting to 15” (or however old we are when we get there) is a countdown to the real start of our lives, rather than to any sort of conclusion.

***

TALK ME DOWN

“You know that I can’t trust myself with my 3 a.m. shadow.”

Queer mental health remains poorly understood and inadequately talked about, both in the mainstream press and in medical circles. Working as a doctor, I’ve witnessed the stigma towards LGBTQ+ patients from other medical professionals – rarely overtly hostile, but often casual, unthinking and pernicious. The mental health charity Mind believe that 42% of gay men, 70% of lesbians and 80% of transgender people experience mental illness; the statistics for gay men are almost certainly an underrepresentation, as men in general are less likely to report symptoms.

Early on in his powerful book “Straight Jacket: Overcoming Society’s Legacy of Gay Shame”, the journalist Matthew Todd runs through an harrowing litany of case studies of young gay people who have lost their lives to suicide, violence and addiction. He then explores the factors behind this, both intrinsic and extrinsic to the gay community, and hones in particularly on the near-universal gay experience of shame (in its many forms) during our formative childhood and adolescent years as a key determinant of depression, anxiety, poor body image, low self-worth, and harmful patterns of behaviour.

On the gorgeous, shimmering ballad “Talk Me Down”, Blue Neighbourhood’s emotional centre of gravity, Sivan sings (possibly from a friend or partner’s perspective) about dark thoughts, struggling for self-acceptance, and, implicitly, ideas of suicide. The accompanying video is high melodrama, but then, so is coming to terms with your sexuality. “I know I like to draw the line when it starts to get too real / but the less time that I spend with you, the less you need to heal” cuts to the heart of the conundrum most young gay people face – desire, and a need to be open and liberated, versus deeply-ingrained feelings of guilt, fear and shame. In his book, Todd argues that these are socially determined but can be overcome, but it’s hardly surprising that it takes a long time to get there – and hence, “normal” emotional development is a protracted experience.

***

YOUTH

“What if we’re speeding through red lights into paradise?”

It’s easy to forget that there are very few conventional pop songs on Blue Neighbourhood. “Youth” (and “Wild”) are probably the closest, but while it might be tempting to read “Youth” purely as a love song, I think its real core lies in escapism, another trope prevalent among (although, clearly, not unique to) young gay people. The imagery is wild and fantastical – “trippin’ on skies, sippin’ waterfalls” – and I distinctly remember writing similar (albeit much worse) songs at 15 or 16, cosmic love songs to no one in particular about things I knew nothing about.

Todd’s “Straight Jacket” has an interesting chapter on how he believes escapism informs archetypal LGBTQ+ tastes in pop, musicals, science fiction, horror and drag. I don’t always agree with the specifics, as I think we’re a broader church than he implies. But it’s hard to argue with the queer impulse for escape, particularly in our years of self-discovery, into spheres where our possibilities are limitless, our own selves freer and more confident, and our fears diminished. It’s maybe a symptom of that delayed development, of more years spent in limbo.  When I listen to “Youth”, it gives me a clean hit of that feeling, particularly in the bridge, with “the lights start flashing like a photobooth” simulated by pulsing, strobe-light synths.

***

MY, MY, MY!

“Let’s stop running from love.”

Bloom, Sivan’s second album, finds him confident, assured and in love. It’s a big step, though not a quantum leap, from much of Blue Neighbourhood, and I’m interested in the in-between.  “Running from love” perhaps gives a little away. It’s hard for us to know how to approach dating, love and sex. Certainly, queer people might feel unconfined by traditional heteronormative conventions or ideals, but equally many of us crave what our straight friends and families have. (It’s important to note that, of course, it’s not one or the other.) I think “running from love” speaks to a queer (and perhaps more universal) anxiety – after what feels like forever waiting for opportunities that feel tantalisingly out of reach, embracing a singular, tangible thing at the expense of all other potential things is terrifying.

Still, this is a dizzy, ecstatic, seductive love song.  The expression “my, my, my” can seem trite in a pop song, but Sivan sells it as breathless disbelief.  Some things are hard-earned.

***

ANIMAL

“No angels could beckon me back.”

And so we come full circle. The religious imagery is no coincidence; on Bloom’s stunning closer, the gorgeous, hazy reverie of “Animal”, we understand the heaven the Troye Sivan managed to reach.

It takes some of us a long time to get there, and the destination is different for all of us. I’m currently reading Michael Cunningham’s classic queer novel “A Home at the End of the World”, in which the character of Jonathan, at 27, tries to navigate the differences between the sort of settled, faintly bleak domesticity of the kind his parents have lived (“the fluorescent aisles of a supermarket at two in the afternoon”) and the often lonely, unfulfilling search for a different kind of home and family in the city (gay literature is fascinatingly fixated on homes and families, albeit often unconventional ones). It resonates with me. As queer people, the usual rules don’t have to apply – the expectations of one milestone and then the next, the pragmatic retreat back into suburbia at 30 – and that presents a different set of challenges.

I believe it’s a double-edged sword. Queer adolescence might be delayed because of our differences in the world, but equally, we are different because of that delayed development.  It informs the way we experience life. Beautiful art is created because of those differences; hell, we might even be lucky enough to create some ourselves. And so, way beyond 15, most of us are still counting, still trying to understand, still discovering ourselves and each other, searching for logical families and people to grow with. No angels could beckon us back.

[planner4therevolution-blog]

INTERVIEW WITH TRE TEMPERILLI

A couple of weeks ago I went to a party for a friend, by myself (gasp). As I stood at the bar courageously not looking at my phone, I was lucky enough to strike up a conversation with Tre Temperilli – Activist, Writer, and Organizer for the Hillary for America Campaign. It was a truly engaging chat that continued as we closed down Ye Rustic talking politics, musicals and how to get home in the fucking rain in LA. I asked Tre if he’d sit down with me for an interview and thankfully he obliged. Here is that conversation.

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P4R: Before we get rolling, cheers! (We clink our bottles of beer)

TT: Cheers! To the revolution… fuck it. Kind of.

Haha! Well I guess on the flipside of that, what is giving you hope right now?

Oh shit, that’s a big one! What gives me hope is actually, knowing that the challenge in this, is finding hope. I think back on what Michelle Obama said when she said what we’re experiencing, what we’re feeling now is hopelessness a hopelessness that many people throughout the world wake up to that perhaps many of us were immune to such as the depths of poverty or any kind of social construct that oppresses any marginalized community. So that’s been something that I’ve been thinking a lot about in my own personal story, because I’ve always been a hopeful person. So what it is to not have that hope? And I can honestly say, it’s not that I wake up with a sense of hopelessness, it’s kinda that sense of not knowing what to do, of how to participate always being clear, that inspires hope. Does that make sense? The picture is never so bleak that we can’t find the light. But finding that light, honestly is a pinhole right now and I understand that, I’m hearing this from so many friends. I know that you can’t give in to despair. I mean personally speaking I can’t give in to despair. I’ve given in totally to my anger and rage. Which has been sustaining me. But I also know I cannot survive off of that. It takes a toll; so then how do I turn that into something.  And this whole entire process gives me hope because it tells me that I’m a conscious being, I’m thinking, and I can see that pinhole of light, now how do we get to it and open it up?

I joined the campaign, Hillary for America and the Democratic Party of Wisconsin. I went into with that sense of urgency, that sense of hope and knowing that this darkness was coming. We knew and felt the threat on the horizon and we pleaded, begged, bargained for votes. So after that happening and the cataclysmic events on November 8th, 10:38pm CST that was the beginning, to me, of the end of a certain dream I had of our country, of America. And that hope that Obama spoke about about that leaders prior to Obama have spoken about and that I grew up with. Like the voices of Bella Abzug, Gloria Steinem, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Bobby Kennedy all these voices that instilled in me the spirit of what this fucking country could be. And I do believe Hillary Clinton had those values and again that’s why I picked up my life and went to Madison, WI for 3 months. Because I needed to see that through, I needed to see the promise of a fucking America. We were right there!

How would you describe your work with Hillary?

I was hired as a field organizer. I believe it was in August, yes. And basically what that entails is going in and working on the ground. Recruiting volunteers, getting out the vote, making LOTS of phone calls to recruit and also to remind people to early vote or to build events. It was non-stop 15 hr days 7 days a week and no time for a personal life. Like, nothing was ever not about the campaign. Except for the time I gave myself after work or early in the morning.

Had you been a campaign organizer before?

No. This was my first endeavor into the actual political landscape. I had been an activist prior to this, so I’ve done that type of activity and work.

Oh yeah, I should ask… what do you do? Like, besides organize and be a general badass?

What I do in life is I write. I track trends and I research and notate popular culture and what’s moving. Basically, I work in advertising. Hahaha! I was trying to make it sound better! Basically, it’s my job to make sure I sell the idea and do the pitch. And this obviously was the biggest pitch of my life. With the biggest deadline and that was to get Hillary Clinton elected. I went because, for me, there was no other alternative or choice. I knew I had to go.

What did a regular day of work look like? Were you set up like teams? How much anonymity, not anonymity…what word am I looking for…

Autonomy.

There you go. How much of that did you have?

First of all I could not have asked for a better place to go than Madison, WI because there are no civilians on the ground, EVERYbody is in tune with politics, EVERYbody has an opinion. Good, bad, indifferent it’s there. We had guidelines, teams, strict structure and a schedule. I had to create a structure for me because I was trying to, on top of my field organizing responsibilities, I was trying to create events that might appeal to the national campaign. So I would be up at 6:30 calling contacts in New York to say, here’s an idea, why don’t we do a huge Mother Daughter get out the vote event, trying to get that pushed up the ladder, writing proposals, I tried to get Moby to come to WI through contacts here, but I was there for 3 months and the time literally, it took me a month just to catch up with the campaign and with Madison politics. So there were teams on the ground already in place from Obama for America. So HFA and OFA came together. I refuse to fail so, I was recruiting people everywhere I would go. I would go out to dinner? I would recruit someone to volunteer.

I worked with someone within Russ Feingold’s campaign who was a Sanders supporter, he knew that I was able to discuss that platform in a reasonable manner. Not always reasonable because well my frustrations with the Sanders campaign are well documented and I don’t want to get too far of track. A lot of Sanders supporters would come into the office and we would have a one on one, that’s what we called them, and it was an honor truly to work with these people. They were some of the most dedicated volunteers that worked similar hours to our hours and never gave up, never quit and saw the responsibility in the vote. And that’s the message that I feel, that if we made a mistake, it was that we didn’t convey that message earnestly enough. But I’m pretty sure we did!

Well, 3 million more people than voted for the current president would agree. What do you say to people who blame Hillary herself (which I think is insane) or the Democratic Party for the loss? That is probably two very different things but let’s start there.

I say, fuck you. Quite honestly. I’m tired of hearing it. You missed the bigger picture we tried to tell you that this was the historical moment in which the democratic party was about to secure a third successive term. We have not experienced that in our lifetime. FDR, but I don’t think many of us were around for that. I was truly excited and inspired to see what that was going to look like. I think that a lot of people who only knew Barack Obama as their president were expecting the “hope and change” to happen instantaneously, even though he said consistently and constantly, it is a process and it takes all of us. So I’m very frustrated that people are just now coming to the table and suddenly feel that they know everything about policy and how it transpires and works. And that they’ve proceeded to buy into this ludicrous, ridiculous, supercilious message, of anti-establishment and status quo and fucking “revolution”. I have lost the taste for that word. It’s just like, I now call it #ourbrandrevolution because that’s exactly what it’s become. And it’s a danger. And it’s going to create problems in the midterms. If people are so immovable that they can’t understand that it takes consensus to move forward we are going to be fucked. Period.

To blame the loss on Hillary is to remove any responsibility one had in playing a part in getting Donald Trump elected. It’s as simple as that. People know in their fucking heart and soul that if they voted 3rd party or if they didn’t vote, that they’re complicit. Also mainstream media. Chuck Todd just went after Robby Mook today about this same thing and he’s like, dude you took down Hillary Clinton every fucking moment you were on air. Andrea Mitchell same thing. Each and everyone of one of you brought us here. Own it.  Yeah that’s what makes me pop a vein. This is making my side hurt!

Did you meet with resistance when talking with people? How did you combat rejection or resistance?

Oh well first of all, I love rejection. It’s this weird thing in me. I came out here on the actor’s track so it fed right into that, “oh reject me!” I find it humorous, like ok, the rejection, for like the smallest of details. So I learned rejection really fast. And I think also being a trans queer person you just come kind of built knowing that your life is not going to accept you. Y’know, you’re automatically rejected! So you kind of create this perseverance and a humor about it because, seriously, I don’t really fucking care who accepts me or who doesn’t. I’m here, I exist, I’m proof because I’m standing before you. And that’s basically what I would say on the doors. And when I would find rejection to mainly the message and Hillary Clinton, I would ask people to reconsider either not voting and voting.

And then there were the Bernie or Busters. That rejection, I would ask them to reconsider, they allowed me to speak, some didn’t. It was the only time I was threatened on the doors, like, “don’t come back here and if you do” and had things said to me, some male posturing.

And this was opposed to the GOP or Republican voters who you met?

Our doors were targeted towards democrats. Occasionally though we’d land on a GOP or republican door and I was met with thank you but I’m voting republican. And I was like, anything I can say to change your mind? And they were like, nope. I was like, that’s cool thank you for being polite. That wasn’t always the case for my co-workers. I mean there was psychological warfare out there. But, invigorating.

How far do you think we should go in asking our politicians to say no to Trump’s appointments, and particularly the Supreme Court nomination? How much should they say, no?

I think we demand a filibuster. I need to reread what Harry Reid said about the filibuster, I have to understand a little bit more about how that would take place. But what I’m hearing is that Donald Trump is already saying… I even hate saying his name… that he has instructed Mitch McConnell to go nuclear. Which is basically, to usurp the power from the confirmation hearings and declare that 51 votes is enough. I fully expect the Democrats to filibuster this choice. I do believe that they will go in that direction. I think we had 3 or 4 democrats that voted for a cabinet nomination…

Tillerson

The oil guy, yeah Tillerson.

The fact that we have trouble keeping them straight, that we are like “which awful person” is telling.

I imagine we’ll have playing cards with their pictures on them. Remember when those were popular in the build up to the Iraq war?

Oh riiiiiight! Yeah those would be really helpful right now.

We’re past the point of like, I think it’s Rob Reiner who said that it’s so ludicrous that it’s impossible to make parody or jokes about this because, it’s happening. And, as I mentioned earlier when you came in, speaking to my neighbor who’s from Tel Aviv, whose mom is from Iraq who has genuine concern and who has experienced tumultuous times within her own country and her own life. I think the danger here is not recognizing that this is in fact, a hostile take-over.

I went back last night because I’m a masochist or a sadist… maybe a little bit of both. And watched debate number 3.

OOOOHHHHH!

Because I knew there would be so much content there. Basically, everything Trump said he would do is right there and Hillary called it all out, right there.

She did. If you had to pick one or 3 things, what is making you pop a vein right now?

Well dude, I literally popped a gut. It wasn’t a gut but it was a muscle under my rib. And that’s what this feels like! Ok, to put this in context I have a rib contusion and a fracture on my left side, which I’ve had since October. That I used to lovingly call my “Bernie-Stein Hernia” because we (HFA) were doing all the heavy lifting. But I found humor in it and I just kept going along. So what pops a vein now? Sigh. So many things it’s hard to single out just one. But again, I’ll go back to this idea that we can’t form a consensus unless everything is perfect. This demand for purity and the irresponsible message that says to young people like, “Hey we’ll get there quicker by hastening the revolution with Trump”. And as a queer person that felt like a direct threat to my life and well being.  And it turns out that I’m right. And not just me I think women and people of color and immigrants are first on the list. This is a war. I mean the motherfucker has a picture of Andrew Jackson in the Oval Office. So every time he swears somebody in or they like do a signing. There’s Andrew Jackson, which is hardly the image of democracy that we want to see. Again, we saw this storm coming and we tried to stave it off and we were terrified that the worst possibility would happen. But even with those ideas of the “worst possibility” these are even worse. So purity fucking pisses me off. And that there are still people out there who are insisting on it and being immovable is going to cut us off at the knees and it will kill the movement.

Can you explain Andrew Jackson to me in a sentence? Or I suppose I could Google it!

What I think is so offensive that at the launch of Black History Month Trump comes out and here’s this picture of Andrew Jackson always prominent. Jackson owned hundreds of slaves, he was a plantation owner. I think he falls in line with Trumps romanticized idea of a military leader. Again, if you go back to debate 3, he talks about Patton, as well as despots and fucking lunatics and tyrants. His strategy is very much a war strategy. And with Bannon, Bannon is the same way. And they’re not hiding it. That’s my whole point with the Andrew Jackson picture, it’s like, they’re not hiding any of this. Rudy Giuliani got up and said this is definitely a Muslim ban. They are rubbing it in our face.

How do we combat that?!

Slowly, I think. We have to remember that we are a nation of laws. I do believe our Constitution is strong. And I think that if they push too far we will push harder.

What does that look like to you on the ground as someone who has worked on a campaign, as somebody who is an activist?

I think it’s a culmination of acts large and small. If all you can do is take 10 minutes everyday to call your representatives, that’s what you do and that’s what your action is. The mantra I had, when I came off the campaign, I kept saying to people just by intuition and gut was that we’re all going to be called into action. You may not know how, but it will come to you and you will respond. That’s going to happen. For all of us. We will all be called into action in some way or other. And again, no action is too small and certainly we’ll take the big actions too. I do believe it lies within this movement. “This movement” being what happened around the women’s march and that organizational structure as long as they don’t self-combust.  I think there is really good leadership there and I think there is going to be really strong leadership from the Democratic Party. There already are.

Any specific names you’d like to shout out?

Oh yeah I mean, it’s the usual suspects Maxine Waters, Sheila Jackson Lee, Barbara Lee, in the congress. You have Cory Booker, who I know Big Pharma, but this is where the purity argument comes into, without understanding the true nature of the bill that he passed on. You have John Lewis of course, Elijah Cummings. Katherine Clark. Klobuchar, Franken. There are so many. Tim Kaine. And I love seeing them get active on Twitter. I mean, I know it sounds like a small thing but they are getting used to using the tool.

Now unfortunately, what we’re getting from what I call the regressive progressives is a backlash of people stalking these democrats coming forward and still going with the “elitist status quo” argument. I don’t believe they’re (regressive progressives) actually democrats, I believe they are more libertarian. They, along with Bannon, have no respect or regard for the structures for the corridors of power and our governmental system. Those are the same people who were rioting in Berkeley last night, well they were anarchists. So.

Did you get to meet Hillary?

I did not get to meet Hillary. Because when I did an event her in Los Angeles, I was the one running interference between agitators and her. So, that was fun! I got close, but I wasn’t in a hurry either. I had a job to do so that’s what I was focused on. And I figured the time will come. If it’s going to happen. And she’s not done. I don’t believe by any stretch of the imagination that she’s finished. What it looks like only Hillary can say, she’s a strategist and she damn well can take her fucking time. She was the tip of the spear that brought us here. And the fact that people aren’t willing to acknowledge that, that’s another thing that pops a vein. Then we’re going to have to start talking about misogyny and how that played an infective part of this catastrophic loss. It was definitely there. You can’t support the guy yelling “paid speeches” and not see the double standard in him yelling “paid speeches, show us those speeches!” without revealing his tax returns, rider 2014, or filing an FEC report. I mean, if I were a Sanders supporter that would concern me! Why the double standard? I would go and look at myself in the mirror saying, why can’t I look at the faults of my candidate, while I can easily cite the faults of the opposing candidate, that’s a double standard. And by all terms, its misogyny. So, deal with it.

DEAL WITH IT! And with the 52% of the white women who voted, voting for him, the call is coming from the inside!

First of all, we don’t really know what the actual data was because we don’t know the extent of the hacking. And hacking that all was happening, that’s not some sort of fairytale story, that was happening. But again, if we pitched this election as a movie idea? We would be laughed out of the room. Because it’s got every possible character imaginable. It’s every dystopian novel ever written and we’re living in it. How do you find your way out of that? I mean, I heard helicopters tonight prior to your coming and I took a deep breath and got ready. That it wasn’t just a usual police incident but that we were arriving at the moment of the purge. Which is what a lot of these people who are on the extremes of both sides, I believe, wanted to see happen. I personally, feel like I’m ready. I was born for this fight.

What is something that you’ve done since the election that makes you proud?

I took out my garbage and did my laundry. No but seriously, I updated my cover letter and resumé and have been applying within the party to say I’m here I’m a valuable commodity, you can’t afford to have me on the sidelines. Which is basically what I did when I applied for HFA. I go to that line of thinking it and pushing that and then I think I just want to go live my Jack Kerouac life in Mexico City and find William S Burroughs. I think Mexico City is going to be a sanctuary. I think Mexico’s going to be a go-to. And I hope they get the fucking Alamo back!

This is a national nightmare. We are in a Constitutional crisis.

What would happen if we impeach Trump? Do you have an opinion about that?

Impeachment is too slow for this National crisis. But if it were impeachment and we go to Pence. We’re still looking at really destructive policies. Horrible, hateful policies. I believe, I would hope what this would lead to, is the destruction of the GOP. But we were making that calculation regarding a Hillary victory. I mean that’s what I would say to volunteers, this is our opportunity to deliver a final blow, with a crushing victory. Let’s give it to our vote, this is it, we’re here. When that didn’t happen I think we had to do a lot of readjusting and I think we thought a Donald Trump defeat would be the end of the GOP but actually it may in fact be his victory that finally destroys this goddamned motherfucking antiquated dinosaur. Again, I think I was born for this battle! I’m ready to go in.

And just to be clear the dinosaur is the GOP?

The dinosaur is, I hate speaking in such like Jungian… it’s the archetype, the white male patriarch. I mean, it’s showing itself for all that it is. And they’re rubbing it in our face. There’s not even any shame about it. And you can’t even really say White Male, because of the Orange One.

He’s the devil.

I hate insulting the devil like that.

What is one thing that you’ve learned that you’ve learned and what is something you want to learn more about?

I’ve learned more about my limitations. Which was kind of stunning. That I am vulnerable to feeling a sense of, not hopelessness, but of losing sight of my optimism. That is staggering for an optimist, and a pragmatic optimist. I’m a problem solver. So not having an immediate answer to this, that’s been revealing. So how do I find my way out to that and speak about a message that is positive and one that resonates a hopeful sense. How do we revive that? So what I want to do is learn how to do that. I said immediately after the campaign I said it is going to be time for us to dig deep, deeper than we’ve ever known. And yet, a few weeks after I was really strong like right after because, again, I was fueled by anger and adrenaline still. And when that gave out, I kind of hit bottom and didn’t quite know how to do the heavy lifting and deep digging. I mean I do know how to do this, I know it intuitively, but in this climate when there’s a constant barrage of bad things happening how do you persevere? My steps are self-care. Which I’m failing at miserably!

I keep hearing that from people. What works for you when you can do it?

Beers and tacos.

But seriously, exercising is usually a key thing for me. But I haven’t been able to do that because of this Bernie-Stein hernia. So how do I recover from that? How do I get my physical self back? In that challenge, I find hope because I know it exists within me. It’s my will. It’s my purpose. This is a calling and I think many of us have been called. And it’s whether or not you follow through on the call. When the call comes you pick up. Hopefully you’re ready. So that’s sort of what I’m doing right now, that slow preparation of whatever that next call is. That I can answer it. Fuck. Shit. Once you say it out loud! Wheee!

In another self-care question, are there any artists or any art that helping you get through this? Or even your own art and how you practice it?

Yeah, it’s trying to find the best method in which to use my words and my point of view. That is my challenge. So yeah, me. But also television is like the aloe vera to put on wounds. It always has been, since I was a kid, it would be my go to. “The Get Down” the Baz Lurhman, I love that show. I love musicals. It’s so fucking typical of a queer but, yes. What was concerning, all of my go-to’s that I would find comfort in, nothing was working and it was alarming. I couldn’t find any sense of joy, not joy but even reprieve from the barrage. And then I started watching horror movies and that helped.

Oh yeah, I did that with American Horror Story because it was the only thing that was high stress enough, that when I finished it felt like a relief.  

Exactly. It’s like trying to out terrify yourself from the reality of what’s happening. How do I make this worse? Plus I think when you’re terrified it creates adrenaline and I think many of us have become adrenaline junkies through this experience. Because many of us are driven by the belief that we are a fucking strong nation, we are a good people. I come from that optimism.

As much as I hated the message of hope and change because I knew it was exactly that, it was advertising at its best. And I knew that people were globbing onto it because they were expecting it to be instantaneous, so in that respect it was a failed message. And yet Obama kept saying this is a long-term process they weren’t hearing that. And when I say they, I mean consumers, because that’s what we all are. We’re all consumers. And it’s the same short sightedness that I find fault with the Sanders campaign, with “the revolution”. I’m sure we’re going to see commercials and runway shows that are going to be inspired by like protests and activism and that’s when you know that we’re kinda fucked. No I’m just kidding. On this subject, we’re about to experience the biggest advertising event in America, the Super Bowl. And of course I have thoughts on that because, I do love my sports. I’m a NY Giants fan and sports fucking saved my life on the campaign. Sports is a go-to that I use a lot. It’ll be interesting to see what trends during the super bowl and fucking Lady Gaga is performing and I can’t tell you how damned excited I am because I have to believe that she’s going to deliver a message. Unapologetically, I hope. I’m trying not to get my hopes up too high because like a committee has to approve it all but it’s Gaga. So I’m hoping like a brigade of pantsuits just like comes out. Because she was a big Hillary supporter and still is. We’ll see what she has going.

And then you have the Patriots who are all Trump supporters from the quarterback to the KRAFT family and you’ve got the Atlanta Falcons where Jimmy Carter goes and watches the games.

I did not know that.

This is the battle of gladiators. So it’s cheap entertainment for one second without taking our eyes off the prize. It’s ok to allow yourself these distractions. I am genuinely concerned about safety more so than any other Super Bowl. I think this man has made us a target in just what is it 12 days? Yeah.

What is your preferred form of activism?

I like coalition building and outreach and I think for me, ideally where I want to go is into the lower socioeconomic neighborhoods that Trump said we were taking for granted. I don’t think we took anyone for granted. I can speak personally and say there was not one voter we took for granted. But I do feel that there is a wealth of potential in these areas that have been ignored and not cultivated. It’s frustrating because when you’re poor and nothing has changed for you, why would you be inspired to vote? And that’s what I heard a lot. But they did still vote. And when I say they, I’m including myself in this demographic of marginalized people. Of those who might be disillusioned or “what has the government done for me lately”? I have 101 complaints about the government. But I also know that, as a queer person, I mean the barrier was broke for gay people because of Obama.

Because of specific laws that he passed?

Yeah. Yeah. And the recognition. I mean we heard Trans People be referred to in the State of the Union. I honestly never thought I’d hear that in my lifetime. Never. I always use the analogy that he was setting the ball up on the tee and that Hillary … That Hillary and Obama were a team since 2008. Do I know that for a fact? No. But it seemed to be playing out that way. I’ll get this first 8 yrs. and then it was going to be a fucking home run. We kinda blew it. Big. Obviously.

What do you think happened?

I always say, I felt like George Clooney and that big wave was coming. It was the perfect storm of many things. We were fighting from the left, we were fighting from the right, we were fighting from the daily messages from the media about Hillary, Hillary, Hillary, and never holding Trump accountable. In fact, giving him free 40-minute airtime! It was astonishing. We will go back and look at this and we will study this and everyone will be held accountable. That happened and then I have to say the Comey announcement was devastating. But even before the Comey announcement was the Hollywood Access story where we, I never thought that was the damaging blow that would ruin his campaign because he’d already proven himself to be Teflon. But I got calls from volunteers saying, “Oh we’ve got this, we don’t need to get out the vote, do we really, do you still need me?” I swear I have more grey hairs from those calls than the Comey effect. But the Comey effect was significant.

What do you think Hillary Clinton is doing at this moment, right now?

Ok. I’ll tell you. In my mind what I’m hoping she’s doing is drinking wine and hanging out with Meryl Streep while the two of them talk about the patriarch and laugh and throw the glasses into a fireplace. 

Whatever she is going to do she’ll do it with dignity, grace and responsibility. That’s who she is. People miss that point about her. I remain humbled, honored and proud to have served on Hillary's campaign. I will forever be her Brienne of Tarth.

On the flip side of that, what do you think Donald Trump is doing at this moment right now?

Having his diaper changed. I’m sorry I said that. We were programmed not to say anything negative. Haha! Gloves are off.

We all have to do this in the middle of our lives.

In the middle of a war. It feels crazy to say this but I say hostile takeover, but I do believe it’s a coup. And I don’t throw that around lightly. I think there is trouble on the horizon.

Do you think there will be internal violence in the US?

I think it will be set up that way. I think we’re going back to COINTELPRO I’ll go back to USC Berkeley. I know that these protestors who are anarchists think they’re doing good by a cause their whole theory and premise, if you create disruption, you create exposure. So again being in advertising, it’s like no that message is kinda flawed. Because The Women’s March just proved that there are ways to get exposure through peaceful means, same with the airport demonstrations. So you’re coming in (the anarchists) and doing this is highly suspect and that is around the speaker Milo, who’s a Breitbart operative. To me, it echoes of CoIntelPro and the Black Panther party. How the government made the Black Panther Party seem so terrifying to a White America and a threat. When in fact, they were doing really good social justice and activism work. And the only reason I know this history, is because my last year in high school, I came out to my best friend who proceeded to shun me. I kind of then had a whole year of being shunned my last year. So I found refuge and sanctuary in the library and I found the Civil Rights Movement, and I found all these leaders and these voices and writers. That’s what instilled in me a sense of fairness justice and equality and why we fight for it. Because that’s the foundation in which we built this fucking nation. I’m not about to give up on it.

In saying all that I just said, it’s quite possible that I’m Travis Bickle that I’m totally, that I’ve gone totally over or that I’m Colonel Kurtz, I could be that character and this is Apocalypse Now. I have no fucking clue. I’m kidding America! Don’t lose your sense of humor. Whatever you do. And my other advice would be, fall in love. Because there’s no better time to fall in love then in the midst of a revolution. Go for it. Live epic, cinematic, passionate fucking lives. But do it kindly and responsibly. And don’t fucking throw Molotov Cocktails. It’s really simple.

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Thanks so much, Tre! You can follow Tre on Twitter at treshaus