#someone give them a therapist or something
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ONE THING ABOUT BEING THE QUEEN OF DELUSIONS? IT GIVES YOU A LONG WAY TO FALL
p.s. this post isn’t pretty, it wasn’t worth my time, or effort.
Hey Upper East Siders. Gossip girl here. Usually i’m here to help you fix your life, but @loaisacult, this one’s for you. And I can’t name any upper east siders more desperate than, well…you. It’s pitiful I know. But you can cry about it later, if you haven’t ran out of tears already, that is.
I don’t mean to start a fight, but there’s a weak link in every chain, and it just happens to be you.
I know you express your belief in the law of assumption being a cult. The funny thing is, when people don’t like something, they usually walk away, unless it bothers them that much. And the even funnier thing is, you complain about bloggers “preaching” the law of assumption, and getting others to follow. But what are you doing? Preaching your ideologies, in hopes that others will follow you too. Oh what’s that word again…hypocritical was it?
And oh sweetie, no one cares about your irrelevant opinions enough to affirm “@loaisacult doesn’t exist, @loaisacult doesn’t exist…” Talk about a weak argument. I hope law isn’t your major. But you know what is major? Your idiocy.
Calling people on this app suicidal? Pathetic. Although I can’t tell you that isn’t true. Because to some extent, it is. And i’d agree with you if you weren’t so ignorant. But I guess changing self in terms other than just loa isn’t your cup of tea. Bloggers are not meant to be personal therapists for people in the loacommunity. And yes there are and were previously some bloggers who would get suicidal asks from anons and just respond to them to persist. But why are you generalising EVERYONE in the community? Your point is immediately invalid. So because there were some immoral bloggers who would act that way automatically means that the whole entire practise of the law of assumption is a CULT? Hello? Do you hear yourself?
Let’s use your “logic” here. Say gossip girl makes a post telling her followers to worship satan. Therefore the whole entire loa community must ALL be satanists! Now how ridiculous is that…
Yes there are liars, everywhere. Oh i’m sorry, did that come as a surprise to you? You didn’t think the world was rainbows and sunshine did you? Well unless you assume it is. But at the same time, there are honest people too. Yet you like to pick and choose what to focus on. Look me in my virtual eyes and tell me that Lady gaga isn’t one of the most famous people on the planet. Oh wait..you can’t! News flash, she manifested that. And so did many of your other favourites. Yet you choose to focus on liars, because that’s what you want to believe. Of course a close minded, one sided argument is your way to go. Disregard everything else in the process why don’t you.
“It's ironic how some boast about manifesting luxury items like Lamborghinis, which could easily be rented, yet they fail to manifest meaningful change for their followers who are in abusive situations.” - l.o.s.e.r
“Want to prove to your followers who are spiraling about the American election rather than post persist hehehee how about you manifest for them….. change the election revise life’s an illusion while you’re crying about having your rights taken away lol but you can’t.” - l.o.s.e.r
Run upper east siders, we’ve got an idiot on our hands. Making a point on something completely false. If you really understood the law, you’d know that you can’t manipulate somebody else’s reality, unless they assume you can. But it’s not to my surprise that you didn’t know that, of all people. Last time I checked, it’s YOUR imagination, and nobody else’s. So WHY would YOUR 3D reflect THEIR imagination?
In short, you make points about “why don’t you manifest for your followers 🥺” Well, I don’t know if you knew this but…there’s this concept called free will. And just because someone chooses to not do something, doesn’t mean they can’t. Is common sense just not part of the package for you? It seems the point flies right over your head faster than you can catch it, and the only thing that doesn’t land, are your “points”.
But if you still don’t understand me, let’s use a little bit of your so -called logic here.
‘Loa is real manifesting is real shifting is real but most people in this community lie and are culty 99.999% of the stories here are lies the people doing that shit don’t even post abt it probably think they’re in some dream most of the success here are creative writing and living in the end.” - l.o.s.e.r
From YOUR logic, couldn’t I just ask you to manifest that the liars don’t exist and that you no longer view the law of assumption as a cult? So why haven’t you…? You’ll ask anyone questions but yourself. And if they think it was a dream…then how did they send their success stories to bloggers? Did I miss an update because last time I checked, you can’t do that in a dream.
And don’t get me started on how statistically IMPOSSIBLE that is. Do I even have to explain why? I promise you, thousands of people are NOT lying for the pure fun of it. Wouldn’t they rather shit on loa just like you rather than posting success stories hoping it’ll happen?I didn’t know talking out of the wrong hole was in fashion these days. But then again, not everyone has style. And if there’s one thing money can’t buy, it’s class. Was that a moth? Must’ve flewn right out of your wallet.
Now don’t get me wrong, i’m not bothered to read your whole blog and all the nonsense you cry about and debunk every little thing you say. Because trust me, common sense does the job for me.
Have fun continuing to “preach” your delusional idea of the law being a cult to yourself and your little followers. Like sheep. One after the other.
Don’t even think about trying to respond to me, as if anything you say makes sense.
P.S. I’ll delete this post later, I don’t like having drama on my blog. This is my first and last time addressing you. I just don’t want people in this community, including my followers to listen to idiots like you telling them that all the success stories they’ve read are fake, when that is so obviously not true. The fucking audacity. Disrespectfully, shut your mouth and don’t open it again.
- gossip girl
#loa tumblr#loassumption#loa blog#loablr#affirm and manifest 🫧 🎀✨ ִִֶָ ٠˟#manifestation#loa#the void state#neville goddard#law of assumption blog#loa success#law of manifestation#edward art#living in the end#void state#live in the end#law of assumption#void
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Closed Position Teaser
Evening my lovelies,
Checking in to let you know I'm alive since I haven't been on here much lately. Anyway, how about a little update on Closed Position?
I've been diligently chipping away at the next chapter. The good news is, it's almost done! The word count is currently at 20.8k. I'm estimating it will be around 25k when finished. It's another bulky one, but it will cover the entirety of Week 6. I don't think I’ll need to split any up going forward (hopefully).
I know you're dying to see what happens after that wonderful cliffhanger I left you all on. So, how about a fun snippet to hold you over?
Dieter's POV
I gave her a flirty smirk, “You’re here one night and you’re already stealing my clothes and wearing them in public.” She shrugged, “You’ll get over it. Besides, if they wanna stare and gossip during rehearsals, might as well give them something to look at. Maybe someone will tell Alec that I suddenly have a proclivity for fucking.” I snorted out a laugh. That certainly wasn’t the response I was expecting, but I fucking loved it. “This might be a sign you’re spending too much time with me…but I’m not complaining. I also like the thought of you being in my clothes when I’m not around. It’s kind of sexy…” She gave me a sly smile, “Good. You can think about that while you’re telling your therapist how I rode you senseless when we were in New York.”
As you can see...things are progressing nicely with our love birds. 😂
Dieter & Kat will have some heavy cuddle vibes this chapter. This gif sums it up nicely. Zee is in the middle of it all, of course.
The song for this chapter is definitely a vibe in and of itself. Let's just say that their Argentine Tango performance is going to raise a few eyebrows for sure. 🎶 Week 6 Performance Song 🎶
I think this video might nicely evoke the overall feel of their performance. No water though...sorry. However, Dieter might end up shirtless by the end of it...🤭
youtube
Anyone want to make any guesses on how things are going to go with Alec? What do you think Dieter is actually going to tell his therapist? Indulge me. You know I love hearing your theories. The more off the wall, the better.
Until next time,
💜Mysty
CP Taglist: @titlee78 @legendary-pink-dot @survivingandenduring @wannab-urs @harriedandharassed
@hisandsnakes @misstokyo7love @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @sin-djarin
@cakipy-blog @missladym1981 @guelyury @weho2kcmo @alokaerza
@girlofchaos @trulybetty @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @madnessofadaydreamer
@darkheartgatita @jazzloveslatte @timpletance @musings-of-a-rose @samiamproductions
@myloveistoolittle @for-a-longlongtime @copperhalfcent @auteurdelabre @drewharrisonwriter
@burntheedges @stevie75 @bunniboo0015 @quicax3 @jackie923
@sherala007 @pastelnap @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @jessthebaker @rebel-held
@gwendibleywrites @senorabond @annalovesflorida @sandaltoesocks @katw474
@txlady37 @inkmonster21 @sunnytuliptime @jeewrites @fifitheragertot
@pasc4lfuzz @toomanystoriessolittletime @tintinn16 @lizzie-cakes @insomniacdreammerbb
#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro pascal smut#pedro pascal characters#dieter bravo#dancing dieter#oh btw there may be fucking in the dressing room too#closed position teaser
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PSYCHO KILLER - SCREAM
Summary: in which Iris Morris has to navigate her personal relationships while surviving a psycho.
Warnings: Fem!reader, angst, mention of violence, swearing, mention of death, Tara Carpenter x Fem reader, multiple parts, slowburn
Word count: +3,5
A/n: this part will follow the events of Scream 6 but it will take place two years later from Scream 5. English is not my first language, so I apologize for any grammatical mistake.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14.
Iris sat in the stark, fluorescent-lit interrogation room, her fingers nervously fidgeting in her lap. She never imagined she would find herself in a police station, let alone facing such horrifying circumstances. The recent attempts on her life and her friends' had thrust her into a nightmare she couldn't have anticipated. Life had a way of surprising her in the most fucked up ways and now she would've to deal with it.
Beside her, Sam and Tara sat in tense silence, the gravity of the situation hanging heavily in the air.
In front of them on the cold, metal table lay a series of photographs depicting the gruesome aftermath of the recent crimes. Among the images were shots of Greg and Jason, their faces frozen in time, reminders of their horrible deaths. The sight was chilling, and Iris couldn't shake the feeling of dread that settled in her stomach.
"It would be nice if someone could explain why they think showing us pictures of dead people is a good idea," Iris muttered under her breath. Just then, she felt a sharp kick to her shin from the youngest Carpenter sister, a subtle but clear warning to keep her comments to herself.
The atmosphere in the room shifted slightly as the door creaked open, revealing Quinn's father, Wayne Bailey. He stepped inside, a brief smile flickering across his face as he took a seat opposite them. In his hands, he held a bag that unmistakably contained a Ghostface mask.
"This was found next to the body at the apartment crime scene," Wayne informed them in a calm, steady voice. He placed the evidence on the table, allowing the three of them to examine it closely. The item—a worn Ghostface mask—seemed to absorb the room's light, casting a shadow of unease over them. "DNA analysis indicates it belonged to someone named Richie Kirsch."
He glanced at each of them, searching for something in their faces. "Does that ring a bell?"
"Unfortunately," Iris replied, her voice tinged with dread as memories of past encounters flooded back.
"We're all familiar with him," Sam added quietly, her gaze fixed on the mask.
"But the one who attacked us had a different mask on," Tara interjected, her brow furrowing in thought. "It was kind of more beat up. Like it was older.".
Wayne's expression shifted as he furrowed his eyebrows in contemplation. "I gotta ask, do you have alibis for earlier tonight?"
"Iris and I were at a party with our friends," Tara answered, her voice more assertive now, eager to distance themselves from any suspicion.
"I was at my therapist's," Sam muttered, a hint of annoyance creeping into her tone. "I can give you his information. You can call to check if you want."
Wayne nodded in acknowledgement as Sam continued talking.
"And then I met Tara at that party, where I tased someone," Sam said, glancing at the police officer. "Unrelated," she added with a roll of her eyes.
Wayne turned his attention to Iris, his eyes narrowing as he noticed her busted lip. "What happened to you?" he asked, gesturing towards her injury.
"I might have punched someone," Iris admitted, her tone surprisingly casual. She caught Wayne's surprised expression and quickly added, "Completely unrelated too."
Wayne blinked at her, a flicker of skepticism crossing his face. "A lot of unrelated things happened tonight," he observed, his tone probing.
"I know, crazy right?".
Wayne didn't respond directly to Iris. Instead, he pulled out his phone and began scrolling through videos, his expression shifting to one of focus. "Was this before or after this happened?" he asked, turning the screen toward them.
The video played, revealing the moment where a woman dumped her soda over Sam's clothes, followed by the sound of both Iris and Sam shouting in indignation.
"Before," Sam confirmed, her voice steady as she watched the footage.
"The point is, we were with people all night," Tara interjected firmly, her tone leaving no room for doubt. She leaned forward, intent on conveying their innocence.
"So, our roommate's dad just happened to pull your case?" Sam inquired, her voice tinged with suspicion.
"That'd be a crazy coincidence, right?" Bailey replied sarcastically, a wry smile playing on his lips.
"Completely unrelated, isn't it?" Iris added, furrowing her eyebrows in an attempt to mask her unease.
"Yeah," Sam echoed, her voice steady but with an undercurrent of tension.
Wayne leaned back slightly, crossing his arms as he continued. "The detective who had the case offered it to me because it involves Quinn. But I can totally give it back if you're uncomfortable. It's up to you."
"It's fine," Sam said, rolling her eyes after exchanging a quick, silent look with Tara and Iris.
Wayne shifted his focus back to the case. "So, if the man who attacked you did steal your license and planted them next to the body," he stated matter-of-factly, "it's probably someone close to you. How long have you known your friends?"
"We moved here about two years ago with Mindy and Chad," Tara explained, her voice steady. "That's when we first met Quinn, Ethan, and Anika."
"I think I can vouch for Quinn," Wayne said, offering a small, reassuring smile, trying to bring comfort to the girls. "So that's one less person we have to worry about."
Iris felt a flicker of doubt at his words. Just because Quinn was his daughter didn't mean she could trust her completely. She could still be the killer, no one was innocent in her mind.
"Do any of you have anyone that might want to target you?" Wayne continued, his tone shifting to one of serious inquiry.
"I would love to say no but we both know I would be lying".
"Not anyone who's still alive," Tara answered coldly as Bailey stared at her in shock.
"Yikes,"
The door swung open, revealing yet another police officer who strode in with an air of urgency. "FBI's here, claiming jurisdiction," he announced, his tone leaving little room for doubt.
"Where are they?" Wayne asked, rising from his seat.
"We should probably follow him," Iris suggested, her instincts kicking in. After exchanging glances, Tara and Sam nodded in agreement, and they all stood up, following Bailey out of the interrogation room. As they stepped into the bustling hallway, they spotted a blonde woman talking to the man in a suit. Sam's eyes widened in recognition.
"Kirby?" she blurted out, shock evident in her voice.
The woman turned at the sound of her name and walked over, a broad smile spreading across her face as she enveloped Sam in a warm hug. "Hey, Sam!"
Tara looked on, surprised, as Kirby shifted her attention to her. "Tara," she acknowledged with a nod before her gaze landed on Iris. There was a brief pause as Kirby took a deep breath, preparing to greet her as well.
"Hi, Iris."
Iris felt a wave of confusion wash over her. The name sounded familiar, but she couldn't quite place it. "Hey, do we know each other?"
Kirby smiled softly, her eyes reflecting a hint of nostalgia. "You don't remember me, but I used to babysit you."
"Wait, really? When?" Iris's mind raced, trying to grasp the fragments of her past.
"When you were about six or seven, I helped your sister out a lot," Kirby explained, her tone warm and reminiscent. Suddenly, memories began to resurface in Iris's mind. "Olivia was my friend."
Iris's eyes lit up with recognition, she was Kirby Reed one of the survivors of the Ghostface attacks in 2011. "I remember you now" she exclaimed, a soft smile breaking across her face.
"You're with the FBI?" Sam asked, Kirby nodded, her expression shifting to one of seriousness.
Wayne, who had been observing the exchange with growing curiosity, interjected, "You guys know each other?"
"Yeah, we went to Woodsboro High together," Sam said, shaking her head in the slightest. "She was a senior when I was a freshman."
"We share a certain history, yeah," Kirby murmured, then she turned to Wayne."I'm not trying to get into a jurisdictional pissing contest here, I just want to help. I'll show you mine... etc".
Kirby handed Wayne the information she had, one of them being another mask.
"He left this mask at the bodega," she affirmed. "DNA traces of two individuals, Charlie Walker, Jill Roberts, both deceased."
"The Ghostface killers of 2011," Iris said. Kirby looked at her with sadness. She lifted up her shirt, revealing the scar on her stomach. "Charlie Walker gave me this."
"Like I said, I take a special interest". Kirby stated, turning her attention to the three women standing in front of her. "Is this the mask he was wearing when he attacked you?"
"No," Tara replied, shaking her head firmly, the memory of the attack still vivid in her mind.
Wayne furrowed his brow, processing the implications of their exchange. "So he's leaving them on purpose," he voiced aloud, the realization dawning on him.
"Exactly," Kirby added, her expression serious. "Which means whoever's doing this is a student of the killers who came before. Maybe he believes that Sam is the latest in a long line"
"Which means he's insane," Iris interjected, her frustration evident. "That's nothing new."
"Yeah, good luck with that," Sam replied sarcastically, crossing her arms as she glanced at the mask. She felt an overwhelming urge to escape the suffocating environment. "We're getting out of town."
As the three friends tried to walk away from the investigators, Wayne suddenly halted their steps with one firm statement. "I'm sorry, that's not possible."
"Why not?" Iris asked, anger bubbling beneath the surface as she turned to face him. "We are allowed to leave at any moment. This is absurd."
"All three of you are person's of interest in a double homicide, so you're not allowed to leave town, sorry."
Sam opened her mouth to protest, but Tara quickly jumped in, her voice steady. "Are you serious?"
"He's right," Kirby confirmed. "But if we work together-"
"Yeah no thanks, we rather escape".
"We're going" Sam interrupted Kirby as she tried to talk once again.
The three of them burst out of the police station, squinting against the bright afternoon sun that bathed the street in a harsh light. As they stepped into the open air, they were immediately met with reporters shouting and cameras recording.
Microphones were thrust toward them, questions shouted in rapid succession, Iris felt her heart race, a mixture of anxiety and frustration coursing through her. "We need to get out of here," she muttered, glancing at Tara and Sam, who looked equally disoriented.
Tara shielded her eyes from the sun and tried to push through the throng. "Just ignore them! Let's keep moving!"
Sam nodded, her jaw set in a grim line as she tried to maintain her composure amid the frenzy. The last thing they needed was to become the center of a media circus. They started walking faster, trying to navigate through the crowd, but the reporters closed in, creating a wall of intrusive questions and flashing lights.
"Samantha, do you have an alibi for last night's murders?"
"Tara, do you feel safe around your sister?"
None of them bothered to answer any of the questions they were thrown.
"Gale Weathers, Channel 4." Sam, Iris and Tara turned around to glare at the older woman. Just when they thought things couldn't get worse. "Do you ladies think you're the reason the Ghostface killer has come to the Big Apple?"
Sam didn't even bother to answer as she tried to punch Gale in the face though the woman was quick to dodge it. "Nice try, sweetie, but I've done this dance before,".
Then Tara, without anyone expecting it, punched the woman right in the face, making Gale place her hand in her cheek in surprise and pain.
"Good punch" Iris whispered as she stared at Tara.
"Don't take one more step Gale, we want nothing to do with you" Iris snapped at the older woman.
"Are you guys still mad at me?" Gale exclaimed in shock as if she couldn't believe someone wouldn't want to talk to her.
"You said you wouldn't write a book about what happened," Sam shot back at her. "And then you wrote a book about what happened."
"Oh, come on! Somebody was going to write about it. It's what I do!"
"I heard you couldn't sell the movie rights," Tara taunted her.
"It's all about true-crime limited series these days," Gale sighed in despair.
"After everything we went through together," Sam said coldly, she couldn't believe the audacity . "What would Dewey think?"
"That was a low blow."
"Good, I hope it hurts to know that Dewey would be disappointed in you" Iris spoke.
"So was your book," Sam was quick to speak once again. "You called me unstable and a born killer."
"That's taken out of context-"
"That's literally a quote."
"You don't think what you wrote has something to do with what's happening to us?" Tara questioned the woman.
"Come on," Sam muttered to the other two as she turned to leave.
"Hey, I talked to Sidney," Gale added, as she followed them.
"Please tell me she's not coming" said Iris.
"No. She sends her love," The woman answered. "But she's taking Mark and the kids somewhere safe. She deserves to have her happy ending.
"On that much we agree," Sam sighed in relief for the Sidney.
"At least someone should have a normal life".
Then they stopped a taxi and they all got in.
"Hey, I want to catch this fucker as much as you three do!"
"Maybe," Tara shouted back. "Or maybe you're just afraid that without Ghostface in your life, you're gonna fade away."
A few hours later, the group found themselves gathered on a set of benches in the sun-drenched university campus, the air buzzing with anxiety. Mindy had orchestrated this reunion with a singular purpose: to dissect the events surrounding Ghostface. It was one of those beautiful days that seemed ill-suited for discussing such horrific topics, yet here they were.
"Okay, nerds! Listen up!" Mindy clapped her hands, her enthusiasm a stark contrast to the matter. "As terrifying as this all is, I'm actually glad I have the chance to redeem myself for not calling out the killer last time."
"Not this again," Iris muttered under her breath, her eyes rolling in exasperation.
Mindy waved her off with a playful grin. "Okay, hear me out! The way I see it, someone is clearly trying to create a sequel to the requel."
"Uhm, what's a requel?" Anika piped up, raising her hand as if she were in class, her curiosity shining through.
Mindy beamed at her girlfriend, momentarily distracted. "You're beautiful, sweetie," she said, her smile warm and genuine. "But let's hold all questions until the end, alright?."
"Stab 1 took place in Woodsboro". Sam interjected, her voice steady. "And Stab 2 took place in college."
Tara's eyes widened as she connected the dots. "So, we think the killer is trying to copy the movies?" Chad, leaning back with a weary expression, sighed deeply, as if the weight of their predicament was already exhausting him.
"That is one possibility," Mindy agreed with the girl. "Heroes now in college, check. Suspicious new characters brought in to round out the suspect list and body count check." She pointed at Ethan, Anika and Quinn. Anika tensed up at Mindy's declaration while Ethan looked nervously at the group and Quinn just looked confused.
"I don't like this," Ethan blurted out, a hint of panic in his voice. "It sounds like you're accusing us".
Iris raised an eyebrow, leaning forward slightly as she studied him. "That depends. Have you done anything weird lately?" She tried to mask her words with a teasing tone, but the weight of her question hung in the air, making it clear she was serious.
Ethan chuckled awkwardly, his eyes darting away. "If you count weird as going to classes, then yeah, I guess so," he replied, forcing a laugh that fell flat among his friends.
Iris tilted her head, her expression unreadable. "You said you haven't watched Stab, right?"
"Yeah, what about it?" he asked, the confusion in his voice deepening.
"I just think it's curious, that's all," Iris said, adopting a nonchalant tone that didn't quite match the intensity of the moment.
Ethan frowned, trying to decipher her meaning. "I'm not the biggest fan of horror movies, you know that,".
"Sure, but it's not just that," Iris pressed on, her tone shifting to something more serious. "In a situation like this, it's almost suspicious not to be familiar with those movies. Especially with what's going on."
Ethan shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "So you think I'm acting suspicious because I don't watch slasher films? That's a bit extreme, don't you think?"
"I just think it's worth discussing," Iris insisted, her eyes never leaving his. "The last time someone told me he hadn't watched those movies was also the last time we got stabbed so...".
"He's also dead now".
"Jesus Iris". Ethan whispered in horror.
The group fell silent for a moment, the tension thickening as they all considered the implications of Iris's words. Mindy exchanged glances with Tara, and Chad shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation.
Iris would have continued pressing Ethan for answers, but suddenly she felt a hand gripping her thigh. Glancing up, she realized the hand belonged to Tara, who was silently signaling her to back off. Understanding the cue, Iris fell silent and placed her own hand gently over Tara's.
"Thank you, Iris, for your wonderful comments. I'm sure everyone appreciated them," Mindy said, clapping her hands together in a conciliatory gesture. "But we can't just focus on Stab 2."
"Why not?" Tara asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.
"It would make sense if this were just a sequel. But we're not in a sequel, because nobody just makes sequels anymore. Were in a franchise!" Mindy's excitement was palpable as she delved into her theory. "And there are certain rules to a continuing franchise"
"I'm shocked" Iris sarcastically said. "This is shocking news"
"Rule one: Everything is bigger than last time. Bigger budget, bigger cast, bigger body count. Longer chases, shoot-outs, beheadings. You got to top what came before to keep people coming back"
"Beheadings?" Chad questioned fearfully. He was taking notes of everything his sister was saying.
"Beheadings." Mindy repeated back to her brother. "Rule two: Whatever happened last time, expect the opposite. Franchises only survive by subverting expectations. If the killers last time were whiny snowflake film nerds with letterbox accounts instead of personalities, you can bet the opposite will be true here"
"And rule three: No one is safe. Legacy characters? Cannon fodder at this point.
Usually brought back only to be killed off in some cheap bid for nostalgia. It's not looking to good for Gale and Kirby" Mindy said, glancing at her friends. "Oh, and that's not even the worst part!"
"This is the part where she tells us the worst part" Chad muttered not looking up from his notebook.
"The worst part is franchises are just continuing episodic installments designed to boost an IP. Which means main characters are completely expendable now, too. Laurie Strode, Nancy Thompson, Ellen Ripley..."
"What the fuck is she talking about?" Iris whispered to Tara.
"Just say yes and nod".
"I mean, even Luke Skywalker, they all died so their franchises could live on. That means it's not just the friend group. Any of us could go at any time, especially Sam and Tara" Mindy finished her rant. "Well so do you Ris".
"Thanks Mindy, I especially liked the part you told me I was going to die".
"Wait, any of us?" Ethan asked, glancing nervously around at his friends. Mindy nodded, her expression serious.
"Am I even in the friend group? Am I, like, one of the targets here?" He questioned, his voice rising with a hint of panic.
"Mm-hmm," Mindy replied again, her tone unwavering.
"Am I gonna die a virgin?" he blurted out, causing everyone to exchange bewildered looks.
"Definitely," Iris shot back, her tone matter-of-fact, which made Tara and Chad snort quietly in amusement.
"That was a weird overshare," Mindy cringed, shaking her head. "But it does lead us to our current suspects: Ethan, the shy, dorky guy that no one would ever suspect, precisely because he's so shy and dorky."
"Why am I on the suspect list?" Ethan asked, trying to keep his tone serious. "Just because I happen to be Chad's roommate?"
"Roommate lotteries can be juked," Mindy scoffed at him. "You could've fixed it to get next to us". Ethan's expression darkened, clearly offended by the insinuation. "Also Iris had a point."
Mindy shifted her focus, turning toward Quinn with an expectant look. "Let's not forget Quinn, the 'slutty' roommate," she continued. "A horror movie. classic".
"Sex positive, but...thank you?" Quinn told her not knowing if she should be offended or not.
"So, how did you end up living with Sam, Tara, and Iris?" Mindy asked Quinn, her curiosity piqued.
"I answered their ad online," Quinn replied like it was obvious.
"Okay, say no more," Mindy said, a sly grin spreading across her face. "You've already implicated yourself enough."
"It was an anonymous ad, Mindy," Tara defended her, a trace of irritation in her voice. "And you know we vetted her. Plus, her dad is a cop,"
"And that makes it more likely that she's the killer, because having a cop dad is a great cover. Mindy shot back, her tone accusatory. "Do you not remember how these movies work, Tara?". Iris shrugged in agreement, a thoughtful look on her face, while Quinn shot them both an offended glance, clearly not pleased with their insinuations. Iris mouthed a quick "sorry" to her.
"Is she always like this?" Quinn whispered to Iris, her voice low enough to avoid being overheard.
"Yep, you get used to it," Iris replied with a smile. "It's part of her charm, really."
Mindy, not missing a beat, continued her theatrics. "And finally... Anika!" She blew kisses in Anika's direction. "Never trust the love interest." Anika's smile faltered at that remark. "Last attack proved that point, didn't it?" Mindy pointed a finger at Sam and Iris, the latter grimacing in response.
"Okay! So, we have our rules and we have our suspects," Sam said thoughtfully, leaning forward on the bench, her brows furrowed in concentration.
"But wait. What about you guys?" Ethan muttered, motioning towards the rest of the group.
"I think it's pretty safe to rule out the five of us who went through this two years ago in Woodsboro," Mindy declared confidently, though Iris shot Ethan a wary look.
"Agreed," Chad chimed in, nodding his head.
"Um, not so fast," Quinn interjected. "What if the trauma you all experienced caused one or more of you to snap?"
"That's literally bullshit," Iris retorted, crossing her arms defiantly.
"Yeah, or maybe the fame you gained from surviving those killings made you thirsty for more," Ethan added, his gaze sweeping over the group. "Let's be honest here, some of the theories online about Sam are..."
"Don't you fucking dare," Tara said, glaring at him, her voice low but fierce. Ethan looked down, wide-eyed.
"Okay, she's right, though," Anika attempted to defuse the tension. "I mean, if we're all suspects, then you're all suspects".
#scream#scream 5#scream 6#scream x reader#tara carpenter#tara carpenter imagine#tara carpenter x reader#tara carpenter x fem!reader#tara carpenter x female reader#jenna ortega#jenna ortega x fem!reader#jenna ortega imagine#jenna ortega x reader#sam carpenter#mindy meeks martin#chad meeks martin
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thanks for saying what you have about covert incest. I have this memory of my dad that I won't even type out cuz it's just horrible and I haven't been able to determine if it actually happened or if it's a memory of a dream I had but part of me thinks the former cuz I don't think I could've imagined something so horrible. and he died recently and I was determined to find some kind of physical evidence that it really happened but when my mom was moving she got rid of most of his stuff before I got there and I've been so pissed about it but not able to tell her or anyone why and it just reinforces my upset toward her cuz if it really happened then she didn't protect me and goes out of her way to protect him instead but in reading your posts I'm starting to think that whether it actually happened or not doesn't matter, the feelings are there and they're real and I ought to just treat it as though it really happened. anyway sorry to be vague, this has just been a huge weight on me and I feel like finding your blog on here has been such a blessing, especially cuz this has been weighing on me even more lately cuz I've been identifying as a butch lesbian for awhile but have been wondering if I'm actually a bi trans man and have been wanting to explore sexual experiences with queer men to find out if I'd enjoy it but have been really cautious about it and haven't really tried anything yet cuz I'm scared of what it might bring up in me and I'm autistic too so the whole dating and hookup thing is scary to me even without this memory shit and idk if queer men would be interested in me anyway. but yeah I'm gonna explore those resources you shared when I'm ready and I just wanted you to know you're making a difference even through sharing your experiences on your tumblr blog. and also just wanted to confess all this to somebody so thank you for that too
<3 thanks Anon.
Your feelings and traumatized reactions are real, and your vague sense of a memory almost certainly signals that Something was not Right in the dynamic with your father, and you can stand by that and care for yourself as someone whose boundaries have been trammeled upon even if you never get to know the exact facts of what happened. So much of childhood disappears down the memory hole, and there is no easy accounting for it, but as a therapist once wisely said to me, if a person has a fracture that's consistent with a violent attack, you can often see the effects and care for them even if you can't know exactly what happened there.
I'm glad you're feeling open to the idea of exploring your own sexuality and gender identity, too. There are absolutely queer men, both trans and cis, who will be interested in you, and you can move at the pace that works for you. Remember there are no rules to queer sexuality, that's the whole point -- so you never have to try anything you don't want to do. You can have a rich, fulfilling sex life with men that never involves PIV, if you aren't interested in that, or that is completely dependent upon a kink dynamic that isn't directly sexual. or you can just put yourself on the grindr grid and find some guy who wants to give you a massage or eat you out all day. There's so many kinds of very eager people out there, and so you can be as selective and as firm in your boundaries and vetting as you need to be! There's every kind of person out there. I have some guy in my Fetlife DMs right now who only wants to shave my body; another who only wants to jerk off while watching me smell leather. The world is abundant with funny little opportunities.
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I know you're not a therapist but insight on what I'm dealing with would be awesome coming from you. A huge part of the reason I feel like I've failed myself is failing on forgiveness. How do I forgive myself or others to move forward freely? :/
Why I Don’t Believe in Forgiveness
Lol, I’m for sure going to get some unfollows from the psych-analysts of tumblr, but I don’t believe in forgiving other people… at least not in the way we’re taught to forgive.
We’re taught to forgive by accepting them, realizing it’s “their first time living”, that we all make mistakes, that people sometimes act out in a dark place, blah blah. We’re taught we shouldn’t hold on to that energy or that powerless feeling we get from feeling defeated by what someone did to us. We’re taught to break free from it.
Here’s my thing: if someone did me dirty to the point where my life was actually affected, I’m not forgiving them at all. I’m not going to “break free” and I’m not going to accept a grown adult for who they are. I’m a human being— I have emotions. If I feel a certain type of way because of someone else, I have every right to feel that way. But I take it a step further. I use alllllllll the hurt I feel as a way to get better myself. You’ll never have access to me, I’ll always be better than you, and I’m taking every ounce of hurt and disgust I have in me of you, and I’m becoming everything you wish to be or you wish to have.
It’s not being bitter. Because the people that are telling you to be forgiving towards others are people no one respects. You think I’m going to get dog-walked by someone again who hurt me? Absolutely not. The ONLY exception to this is Jesus and none of us are Jesus.
I’ll forgive someone who maybe made a stupid comment in the past that hurt my feelings, or someone who cut me off when I was driving. But those super deep and dark skeletons in the closet that I have because someone literally ruined me will NOT be forgiven.
My attitude is: my enemy (yeah, they’re my enemies) will never see me drop my guard. I’m not gonna forgive you, but I’m not going to think about you either or give you any time or attention. I’m the one to dog-walk YOU now. You’re still going to be the same weirdo and I’m getting better everyday. Be mad.
As far as forgiving yourself— you need to talk to yourself everyday. You did something stupid? Okay. Did the world end? Did you learn for next time? Like keep it moving. You’re not perfect so acknowledge what you did and keep it moving. Don’t dwell. Reflect, cry a little, feel the embarrassment, and get over it.
🖤🍸Make sure to check out my book called The Luxe Girl’s Playbook to Life for a fresh perspective on reinventing yourself for 2025. You’ll receive immediate access after purchase.
#q/a#leveling up#that girl#level up#self care#level up journey#personal development#femininity#hypergamy#leveling up journey#femininity journey#glow up journey#feminine journey#dream girl journey#dream girl aesthetic#dream girl#glow up tips#glow up#leveled up woman#leveling up tips#level up tips#femininity tips#that girl aesthetic#self development#self healing#self growth#self image#self worth#self love#self improvement
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Lock them up in a wallmart so they finally make up or something
#regretevator#regretevator art#regretevator fanart#regretevator mannequin mark#regretevator wallter#wallmark#someone give them a therapist or something
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I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#hazel wells#fop hazel#fop dev#dev dimmadome#art#digital art#doodles#I wish Hazels parents were more flawed tbh...#Like I get why they wanted to have them be good rep so that young people could know what a good family is supposed to look like#but it felt like every time there was an opportunity to have them do something genuinely flawed-#they would perfectly sidestep it before it even became a problem#I really enjoyed the first episode because it showed a hint of a very unique emotional issue Hazel had related to having a therapist mother#The idea that she has to be mature all the time#constantly living around therapy speak makes her feel like she isnt allowed room to breathe#Feeling unable to express her emotions without someone there giving advice that she isnt ready for yet#just small things!#She feels so pressured to be emotionally mature all the time BECAUSE she gets praised for it#maybe im projecting everyone always tell me I was so mature for my age...#But like I really really wanted to see that from her!!#And then after that episode it doesnt even come up again#The only other episode that features the moms job as a conflict is the one where she wants to spend more time with her#which is a fine conflict I guess but it still ends with her saying all the perfect things#I wanted Markus to be more of a genuine threat too. even if he didnt actually do anything having him be more looming would have been nice#I feel like they mostly forget hes a para scientist most of the time idk.#I just felt like his interactions could have been more unique#Maybe he will be in future seasons idk
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everything you see ab being the oldest daughter is true btw why am i the family therapist AND punching bag smh
long ass depressing rant in the tags srry i got a wee bit emotional
#my dad has something going on where there's a ringing in his ear my mom has tendonitis and neck pain now#and i feel for both of them i'm goin to cvs to get the meds giving my mom massages every night talking to my dad to distract him#they're both going to the correct doctors#but just throwing it out there i have had tendonitis and chronic upper back pain for 5-6 years and no one gave a shit most i've gotten is#jokes that i'm faking it#i'm in physical therapy for my back NOW but that's bc i finally crawled out of the depression long enough to do it myself#which is fine whatever i'm 22 i should be the one making my own appointments and it'd be weird if i wasn't#but when i was 16 or 17???#being hospitalized for STRESS HEADACHES at 14 too???#who gets hospitalized for that shit and how were my parents not concerned that i at the age of 14 was#so stressed out that my head was pounding all the time#and bc i'm the third parent who has to be the only emotional safe space#i don't say anything if my sisters are rude to me bc at least they feel safe enough around me to be rude to me#i have to listen to everyone and their momma's problems#i'm in law school!!! i do not need this i'm anxious all the time!!!#and if i'm not anxious i'm depressed!!!#my therapist point blank tells me shit like 'you're incredibly lonely' or 'you have way too much on your shoulders' and it makes me CRY#the most basic fucking observations that i KNOW but hearing someone else acknowledge it and not berate me fucking sends me into TEARS#i get messages from online friends here like 'hey i saw your post you don't deserve that' i physically cannot keep my eyes dry!!#every time i have any interaction ever i am at least a little uncomfortable bc i am always trying so hard to make sure i come off as kind#and not awkward or mean#i feel like everyone around me was given some kind of how to manual on life that i wasn't#and i KNOW this is not unique tons and tons of people feel like this#i know this is the depression and the anxiety and the possible autism i'm well aware#but then every couple of days my mom gets the brilliant idea to tell me i'm rude or lazy or whatever and i lose my shit#i just wanna sleep and write fanfics in the nicest way possible i hate everyone#i will try my best to not be mean to anyone bc no one deserves it but i am angry and i am constantly feeling the hurt of my inner child#my MOTHER threw a hardcover book at my HEAD when i was ten bc i had been reading and hid the book under the pillow#what the actual fuck????#my dad's response to any and everything is to deal with it
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My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It
#blue chatter#they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity#I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit#and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned#I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will#I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me#uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight#and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need#to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told#that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily#even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though#I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right#which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing#I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was#definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.
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Episode 22 of the Vampire Diaries and I'm looking for a filler episode. Where is the filler episode. This is episode 22 of Season 1 and I am in dire need of a filler episode. These characters are great, I love seeing them interact, I want a little bit less of the rapid fire plot progression in which nothing gets the time to sit in itself or grow. How high is the bidding for a filler episode. I am desperately searching for a filler episode. Can someone please get me a filler episo-
.....What's that?
............There is no filler episode?
............................................
Well, fuck me.
#marankton speaks because why not#the vampire diaries#tvd#tvd universe#tvd season 1#what the fuck is HAPPENING HERE#also more than anything stefan and elaina need it#they have had zero moments together that werent an argument or a breakup or stefan trying to push her away over something or elaina draggin#stefan back to her for the millionth time or them hugging after a high stress situation ot them having sex#the cutest moment they've had was them waking up together and stefan being all 'i could get used to this 🥰'#and then damon interrupted and we got right back to the plot#them at duke's party in like episode 3 was cute too#and THATS IT#give them a filler episode so i can stop hoping she changes her mind for damon please 😭😭😭#it genuinely feels like stefan is just elaina's bodyguard and elaina is just stefan's therapist and they also sometimes have sex#and that's the extent of their relationship#im so sick of it bro will someone PLEASE give these bitches some chemistry#meanwhile damon and elaina get all rhese cute-ass moments together because damon is supposed to be creating tension in their relationship#but elaina and stefan dont get any moments together that make me think 'oh theyre a cute couple'#so damon just ends up looking like a better partner!!!!!#i want to like stefan and elaina but they are not giving me anything to fucking like!!!!!!!!!!!!#i wonder if fhe writers can write people in relationships or only the build-up to them because caroline and matt havent had any moments#together in like 10 episodes. and then jeremy and anna were cute!! rhey were really cute!!!! but now its looking like theyre gonna break up#so idfk anymore!!!!!!!!!#anyway#8.5/10 show cant wait to watch more#tvd liveblog
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kindergala? more like: lou singlehandedly revives the kindergarten tumblr rp community part 2 electric boogaloo /lh /silly
#🖋️ ––– ・゚★。・:*:・゚☆ 001. Misc.#actually maybe this is the 3rd time if u count the months of hiatus we had before getting back to it with new blogs and then stopping again#∠( ツ 」∠)_ idk why ppl keep indulging my rp brainrot like this sometimes but tysm for keeping the streak going :'D#also genuinely tho thank you everyone for being so excited for the kindergala and making this so much more fun than it would've been alone#like!!! the energy and response to this event so far has been outstanding!!!!!! and i am so grateful fr!! :'''3#i love the designs everyone's been making. i love the plans for interactions. i love the art and writing. i love the designs from ppl who#aren't participating but want to design something fun and cool anyway!!! (ps that is 100% valid and completely in line with the spirit of#kindergala!! this is a creativity exercise event as well for sure!!!!)#i know that it would still be fun even if it was just me and very few of my friends. but it's gotten a lot bigger than i thought it would#and i am so so happy abt that and happy that you are all enjoying yourselves and interacting with each other within the community like this#there are some shy ppl i've noticed! but it really seems like ppl are less shy about interacting than the 1st time around!!#and if you are shy: pls remember plenty of other people are too. but they joined this event to interact with other kg fans just like you#and it would probably make them happy if you reached out!! just like you'd probably be happy to have someone reach out to you too#and if you're scared about not knowing who to interact with. my inbox and dms are always open. i give you express permission to interact :D#i'm over on my displacedbias blog!! :3#also if anyone is feeling negative about this or like things need some improvement during the event-- feel free to talk to me abt feedback!#or if you just need to talk to someone in general. very much not a therapist but i will help to the best of my ability :')
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✨️Magenta✨️
#I've been really sad lately#its logical I've had a lot happen and a lot going on#and I've been mostly bedridden the past week cause of fibro flares#my brain can see the logic of why my body feels burnt out and why i feel anxious#but i also have this profound sense of loneliness that's been weighing on my chest#I feel the need to isolate and get away from people because it feels like it doesn't matter how much i try to blend in someone#will catch onto me being an “alien” or not quite fitting their mold or having a difference of opinion and i get bullied or ostracized#out of participating with folks or doing activities#and i get so overwhelmed by people and their literal energy/vibes that it feels as though I'm caught in a sneaker wave and being pulled#from shore and this is compounded on top of that feeling of being surrounded by people like tons of them who may even enjoy your company#but still feel very much isolated and alone the whole time#it could be winter triggering trauma responses in me due to childhood abuse related to the holidays#and then there's me trying to brainstorm how i can make money with my creativity when i have little to no help with anyone#and no one will give me a chance to bounce ideas and get a third persons opinion#its felt like this since i can remember: people value that i listen and reflect all the while show compassion#and then when i really need it myself and attempt to reach out i get the door shut in my face#it feels like the only people that have truly listened to me are therapists lmao and it hurts cause its like i gotta pay someone#just to listen to me go off on this idea i have for a side hustle a creative pursuit something i love#and i can't really share that with anyone irl because I'm supposed to be everyones therapist#and its shitty i dont get paid for it if thats the case lol#i feel like tumblr is the only spot I really have where i can share a lot of myself and make things that make others and myself happy#i don't know what id do without it#magenta is my safe word for venting#thanks for coming to my tedtalk as i write into the void#getting shit off my chest at 4am#i aint gettin no sleep cause of yall yall not gon get no sleep cause of meeee
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idk I had a very interesting therap today but I just
like it's all very well to recognise that I gotta have a fucking open-ended breakdown and jump face first into the Sadness Bog sometimes instead of sitting on all my feelings
but like
I still have to go to work, you know? it's like. ok yeah have a breakdown which like until you jump into it you don't know if it's going to last an hour or a year. yeah go ahead that's all grand. you do have to get up in the morning and go to work though. you're not allowed to not do that. or to not pay the rent or not shower or not eat.
like all my friends and loved ones are constantly like 'you know you're allowed to be sad right' and it's like. AM I??? because I STILL HAVE TO PAY RENT.
#red said#the thing my therapist keeps pointing out is like. i got on this adulthood thing WAY too early#metaphorically i have Had To Go To Work In The Morning since i was like. 4. bc i am congenitally incapable of#Not Thinking About Consequences. and it's so important to be Good and Tough and Have It Together#but like. maybe if id done more crying and melting down when i DIDN'T Have To Go To Work In The Morning bc i was a Literal Infant#i might be a more balanced adult now that i actually DO. Have To Go To Work In The Morning.#what do people like. do. when they have to have feelings but also meet adult responsibilities? impossible. gotta choose.#i think it doesn't help that i already really struggle to work a full time job. like I'm already late basically every day bc i a night guy#so it's like. there's no give in this. maybe if i was back into a 3-4 day week? but idk if i can afford that#but also the work is only partly work. it's also like. having human relationships. eating. washing. being a person.#but idk. like. until i have some genuinely open-ended time i think I'm gonna always find it impossible to actually let go#i said in therapy it's like. like sadness specifically is like a thick muddy bog. and i can dip a foot in it#but bc i know i need to be able to keep moving#i can only stick a foot in and deal with a bit of it if I'm holding onto something. so in practise i can only cry#right before it becomes inappropriate to cry. so like. end of a therapy session. heading to a train station after seeing someone.#that kind of thing. it's a safety thing.#it would be much more effectively Dealing With to go dive into the bog and plough through it#but I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THAT'LL TAKE and i have to like. come out all muddy and deal with that#and there's always somewhere i gotta be soon. i can't just jump into the mud. not cause I'll get hurt i just Don't Have Time#anyway. feelings. how do they work. embarrassed about having them. embarrassed about suppressing them. generally just embarrassed.
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Also guys, if you've sent me something in Discord, I have not seen it. I've had Discord closed for several days now because that app just makes me feel worse when I feel socially withdrawn, and in general I am mostly offline these days (you could tell..) . (I also got like 10 asks about ships....... I will get to them but huge amount of positive engagement makes me feel shy)
#personal#distractions are nice..#it is just.. many things#like i also cut ties with my only irl friend#i told it like it is: negligence constant broken promises and only remembering i exist when all of her-#-'better' friends are busy#like... it became so painfully apparent that she doesn't want me in her life (when with other friends she's every day and-#-posts pictures with them often)#boyfriend too.#you know that situation when you fail to assert yourself as a valuable friend and become the-#-beta friend aka 'therapist friend' that only exists to listen to them vent about their REAL friends?#also ignored calls and me having to send a message like 10 times to get something she promised out of her already...#why i am even elaborating if everyone had this situation at least once?#but cutting someone out of life is always extremely stressful even if that's to the better#i just hate pestering people to give me at least some attention
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I’m fucking disabled
#I had this conversation with my therapist last week. I’ll give you the secret HIPAA breaking rundown#I HATE calling myself disabled#I don’t know why. there’s no shame in it. it’s just ya know it’s just what I am#but I still can’t get it into my head that yes I’m kinda fucking disabled#because here I am sitting on this creaky futon unable to understand anything anyone is saying to me bc my hearing is so bad#it’s a bad hearing day! it happens! some days are good! today is very much not so good!#so I told my therapist I’m way cool with telling people I have mental health issues#but when it comes to hearing it’s ‘oh no I’m not REALLY disabled. I just uhhhhh can’t uhhh fuckin hear sometimes 🤷🏻♂️ that’s normal right?’#and he’s like no my sweet boy you are disabled you need to own that shit#okay… he didn’t say it like that but this is my flashback please let me have this#let me be a sweetie boy in my own mind#he said it’s usually the reverse: people don’t like to admit mental health issues but will mention physical disabilities#I just… I spent 30 something years with great hearing and then it all just got taken from me out of the blue and no one knows why#and I hate that. I’m so angry. I’m so fucking angry and scared and alone#and I hate admitting that yes I am disabled. like really disabled. it feels like defeat.#and it shouldn’t. like I said it’s just kinda what I am now. It’s like saying I breathe or I’m allergic to birds. it just is me.#sorry I’m just having a rough day#I got about an hour of sleep and now I’m holding down the fort while a home inspector and the new buyer look through the house#and I can’t talk to either of them. I can’t understand them talking to each other. it’s isolating.#I have therapy later and I’m hoping I’ll be able to communicate and hear during it. I really just need someone to talk to#I miss talking to people in person. I can still do that it just can take a bit of work and I hate subjecting people to putting up with me#I feel so needy. I just want some human connection. I want to know I can still make this work.#gosh this is whiny. sorry about that. just needed a quick vent to get me through the next few hours#anyway I love you. probably. maybe… ehhh#you can ignore this#text
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#ay ay ay. i dont wanna do my job so bad. it makes me so unhappy also i fucked up a thing by letting someone take part of a culture when i#shouldnt have. it happened so many months ago that i fucking forgot abt it and then the person emailed me abt when we received the stain and#i thought it was someone from another project so i cc'd my boss who was like. wait. what the fuck is this? and now its like oops sorry but#like wtf am i supposed to do abt it now? she askrd me to take some when i was rushing out of someone else's lab and i was like what? sure.#whatever i dont give a fuck i feel like im dying every second i stand in this room. i didnt even think to ask to share it which is what i#should have done. oops. cant do anything abt it now other than feel abt abt causing drama between labs. ugh.#i just wanna cut all ties with my old work. theres no joy there. only pain and anger. which makes it hard to work with it but the sooner i#do. the sooner i dont have to fucking deal with it anymore. ugh. also i really need to find a therapist but my insurance changes in like 18#days so i might as well wait for the semester to start. ugh. like i can feel the pull of my bad habits trying to drag me down and i dont kno#how to stop them. like its weird. i noticed while my parents were here. they can just do things and enjoy stuff. and everytime i do#something i feel like im holding my breath the entrie time waiting for it to be over and for what? its not like i had other stuff to do#i just needed to kno when things were gonna end and i dont deal well with flexible situations. which makes it hard to do things. so its#like do i succumb to my control freak lil bubble of not doing anything and being miserable or do things outside my comfort zone and be#miserable? one of those things is way easier. plus i dont even kno anyone here so its like wtf do i do?#try to make friends with my sometimes roommate maybe. i just need to corner her and be like hey i need to establish a dialog with u so i can#tell u that if i seem like a weird hermit im not trying to b standoffish i just dont kno how to do human interaction well. can we b friends?#id like to b friends but if i dont talk now then ill get stuck not talking ever. which is whats happened with past roommates... god my 1st#roommate must have thought i was so fucking weird. ugh. point is. these bad habits must stop. and i really need to get work done so i can#never think abt that shit ever again. at least now that ive moved i can run up the side of a mountain when im frustrated#unrelated
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