#someone get them to sign their roomba

[britt-kageryuu]

While many have thrown in their ideas about how truly scary the Rise Boys can be, I want to toss about my thoughts.

We know if the boys were ever pushed to actually putting in the effort, we could only scratch the surface of ideas. Like all the different Kraang futures people create. Not to mention the headcanons of what they would be like fully trained under Draxums original plans.

First on the offensive side.

Leo with his portals alone is a force to be afraid of, if someone fired a missile or nuke, he could just send it right back with a portal. Maybe if he just needed the coordinates he could send forces right into the center of enemy headquarters, and capture them.

Donnie would be feared not just for his mystics/ninpo creating any weapon he can think of, but he can upgrade ally weapons and vehicles to be tougher and better than their enemy could ever get.

Mikey if fully trained in Mystics (and hopefully without the rapid aging) is probably very devastating, but add in his chains to throw missiles and vehicles back, maybe a building or ship, and it just escalates from there.

Raph with his Ninpo is a one turtle army of tanks that can cause massive damage. I don't know if he could catch a missile before it explodes, but if possible there you go. Now if he was able to be bulletproof with his constructs, he would be near undefeatable.

On the defensive/support side.

Leo can easily get hostages/prisoners out easily (as long as there's no anti mystic stuff involved), not to mention people trapped in the rubble that isn't fully safe to move. If you want to throw in medic Leo, even as just a field medic, he would be invaluable, otherwise he can quickly get support in and out safely.

Donnie could easily build advanced medical devices, medicine, and armor. Not to mention tossing out a temporary ninpo medical device to help in the field. He's shown to make hard light shields to protect, and act as a road block, and he just wants to help how ever he can. Even if it's just a modified Roomba Army.

Mikey could definitely learn defensive and healing Mystics, and have him easily pull a big thing to act as a barrier. He would probably be good at quick hit and run tactics, and putting up secret signs with graffiti to point to safety.

Raph again one turtle army, and Stupidly strong, so easy quick defensive cover. Plus he can carry alot of people to safety whether on his shell or in his arms.

I'm kinda running out of points to make, but the other support they can give is teaching others how to defend themselves, and how to make these upgrades, or other improvements.

Take from this what you will, the Rise Turtles are pretty scary when you put things into perspective. And that's not even mentioning throwing Splinter into the whole scenario, and many other factors!

[protagonistpolling]

PROTAGONIST POLLING

Why should you vote for any of these characters?

Why should you vote for Mae Borowski? (2)

"She's a little cat who likes to jump on powerlines, make bad jokes to random people on the street and howl with her friend because of a restaurant called "Donut Wolf". At one point she makes a drunken speech at a party, where she declares she's a "TOTAL TRASH MAMMAL" before throwing up everywhere. Depending on the routes you can take, she can get electrocuted by a car and see God, whack a broken boiler with a baseball bat because she gets impatient trying to fix it, have a knife fight with her best friend in the woods, build a robot, and more. She is VERY silly :)"

Why should you vote for Niko? (1)

"They are just a little baby who's like 8 years old with the weight of the world on their shoulders (and literally in their arms!). They ask you, the player, to help guide them, and you can have cute conversations about how your world is different from theirs. They love their Mama and they love pancakes. They like riding around on a roomba. They're offended whenever someone calls them a cat but they still make cute cat noises. They are a precious baby and everyone who has played OneShot has already signed the adoption papers <3"

Why should you vote for Coco? (1)

"shes so little. she just wants to learn how to do magic to save her mom, bring wonder in to the world and make it a better place. shes so eager to learn. she has survivors guilt but is being so brave about it. i love her. daughter."

"They are just a little baby who's like 8 years old with the weight of the world on their shoulders (and literally in their arms!). They ask you, the player, to help guide them, and you can have cute conversations about how your world is different from theirs. They love their Mama and they love pancakes. They like riding around on a roomba. They're offended whenever someone calls them a cat but they still make cute cat noises. They are a precious baby and everyone who has played OneShot has already signed the adoption papers <3"

Why should you vote for Coco? (1)

"shes so little. she just wants to learn how to do magic to save her mom, bring wonder in to the world and make it a better place. shes so eager to learn. she has survivors guilt but is being so brave about it. i love her. daughter."

[pbandjesse]

Today sucked. Today was not a good day. I just want to go to bed and have it be tomorrow because today was bad. And it wasn't even just the Ticketmaster debacle.

I did not sleep well. I slept in to try and make it better. But I just felt really low. Like emotionally. Mentally. I was feeling really bad.

I got up and washed my hair and tried to pull it together. I wanted it to be a good day. I was just really struggling.

James left me an egg sandwich. And I had that in our bedroom. I hung out for a while. I collected the paint chips from the baby room. And cleaned the bathroom. And brought Ruby to the Roomba upstairs to clean.

Once Ruby was done I would gather myself to go out. The plan was to go to Home Depot and then taco bell. James also asked me to get English muffins. If I couldn't feel happy I could at least feel helpful.

James has already asked if I had paid my credit card form our joint account. Which was 100% an accident and I felt so stupid. So right before I left the house I transferred money back to that account. I'm still not at my savings goal and now it's even worse and that doesn't feel good. I'm trying but man. I only have a few more months to save as much as I can. And it doesn't help me not feel like a burden. Sucks.

I was trying to be in a better head space though. I drove to Home Depot and they were able to mix up the two gallons of paint. The one is a lovely light blue called Arabella. And the other is a dark sagey green called Silver Laurel. Super pretty colors.

While I was waiting for them to mix those I got a few other small things for the house. Brackets for a shelf in the one closet, anti damp pellets, just little stuff.

I got my paint pretty quickly though. Paid. And was off. I wasn't actually all that hungry but I thought maybe a crunch wrap would make me feel better.

I drove over there and went inside. Had a nice little moment with a man who held the door open for me and then I opened the other door for him.

I sat down to wait for my food. I had gotten my receipt emailed to me and I opened my email to delete it and I had 42 unread emails??? I quickly scrolled through them to see if anything was important. And I see that there are 4 from Ticketmaster. Confirming that my tickets had been transferred.

The absolute dread that I felt in my heart in that moment. They called that my food was ready and I thanked them and basically ran out of the door.

I tried to call Jess as I started to absolutely sob. She didn't answer so I googled what to do and it gave me a phone number for Ticketmaster so I called. I was absolutely hysterically sobbing. I could barely breathe.

I had been on hold for almost ten minutes when I decided I had to go to James. I needed help. The people who had stolen my tickets also signed me up for 100s of things to try and hide the Ticketmaster emails. And I was so overwhelmed with the idea of changing all my passwords. And I couldn't breathe.

I had to drive through the tunnel and somehow I didn't lose service. So I was able to stay on the call. It would take most of a half hour to get through. I was in the parking lot of the museum when someone finally got on the line with me.

I had mostly stopped crying. I was able to explain what happened and the guy was super nice and he escalated the case to the fraud department. He said that they usually get the tickets back but if they can't they will either replace them or if that's not possible they will refund my tickets. I was crying again but not as hard. I was just so sad.

I asked him if I did something wrong and he said no. That I should change my passwords, to my Ticketmaster account, to my email, and to my bank and credit card. And that's when I realized that all of this happened within a couple of minutes of me transferring that money to James. I don't know if somehow that was related but it was all so fast.

He gave me a reference number for the fraud case. And I emailed that to James. And went inside to get some comfort.

James had been swamped and didn't see my texts until a few minutes before I came in. And I was trying to not keep crying. They gave me a hug and asked what they could do. And I just said I needed help fixing it.

I mostly just needed to sit with them while I assessed everything. I got my Google and banking passwords changed. Changing the Ticketmaster ones was more difficult for some reason but I was able to figure it out eventually.

Thankfully it seems like whatever program they used to mass sign me up for things didn't actually sign me up for much. Mainly it was college newsletters and those went straight to spam. And almost everything else was accounts I already had confirming my email. So thankfully nothing was to messed up. It 100% could have been a lot worse.

And hopefully I will get my tickets back. I will be super sad if I don't get to go to this show. James thinks we may have a work around but I honestly just want this to be something I did right. Like I already am feeling like a failure and a burden and I really needed this to to right. The man on the phone said it could take until the end of the month. If I don't hear anything by next week I'll call again and follow up.

I sat with James while they worked for a while. I just felt so defeated. My heart hurt. I hadn't eaten my lunch. My taco bell was sitting cold in the car. But I decided I needed to go home. I got one more hug and said goodbye.

I was just so sad though. I am so sad. I was going to go right home but decided to go get those English muffins still. I went to Canton crossing and went to the craft store to get some small shelves to make a new display for my bears. Which I would build when I got home and I'm very happy with how that came out. I may make a second one. We'll see.

I walked around Harris teeter and got the English muffins and a few other things. I already spent to much money today, so it was truly time to go home.

I got back here and gathered all of myself stuff to bring inside. I just wanted to be alone.

I opened the backdoor for Sweetp. And had my cold taco bell. Which was fine. And built my little shelf display, that I'm very pleased with. I really need to cut more bears but I think that's going to be a tomorrow thing. I did not have that in me today.

I would dig Crabcake up. I am trying very hard to not bother him while he's hibernating. But I apparently am supposed to soak him still. So I dug him up and he looked so tired. I plopped him in his bowl and went filled out pitcher with warm water and gave him a shower. He hung out in the water for a bit and eventually moved himself to his metal pot. It was nice to see him.

I was feeling really tired. The crying really took it out of me. I would change and get in bed. I thought I might sleep but I didn't. I just scrolled on my phone and hung out with sweetp and tried to not feel so sad.

James would come home and it made me feel a little better than they were here. They asked if I wanted dinner but I wasn't hungry. So they decided to start painting the blue wall.

And it looks so nice. It's such a lovely shade. I would sit in the backroom with them for a little bit. Watched them paint. They told me about their day. But I was not feeling great. So I went to lay back down.

James would make us dinner after they finished that first coat of paint. And while I appreciated the dinner a lot, everything just tasted bad to me. Tasted like nothing. I have had an acidic taste in my mouth all day and nothing has helped it. I am glad I ate but the taste is still there.

James just came to lay in bed with me. Sweetp is here too. It's early but I just want to close my eyes. And have this no good day be over.

The one little bright spot of the day was getting a nice card in the mail from my dad. It really made me feel better seeing his handwriting. And his relentless optimism.

I hope that I can find my optimism again. I hope tomorrow feels better. I love you all. Goodnight

[herefortarlos]

Hi Desi 💗 Requesting numbers 6, 9, 19 and 23 for the end of year asks please

Thank you, d!!! 🥰 Ooo you gave me a lot to think about!

6. I answered episode of tv that defined the year for me as Lone Star s4 e12, but right behind that was obviously e16 and SOULMATES!! I remember spiraling and really worried they might actually give TK Huntington's but then they had that amazing scene, and Carlos called him "baby" for the first time to us, and I knew it would be okay.

9. Ooo best month of the year was probably July, I think? The summer months are some of my busiest and most fun because we have so many friends visit and stay with us throughout it, like almost every weekend we have someone staying with us! In July we had some college friends we hadn't seen in like 10 years visit us, and we had them and our local friends at our house hanging out, and it was a lot but so much fun!

19. Excited about for next year? Getting more Lone Star of course, and if I'm really lucky I might finally get the cat or dog I have wanted for years 😭 I treat my roomba like it's a pet, so that's a sign I need an actual living creature to talk to 🤣

23. Sending a message to yourself back on the first day of the year? Awww, let's see. Oh I would tell myself NOT to stop working out, because I was doing so well for 2 years and then I got lazy! The timing is also similar to when I became hyper fixated on Lone Star, but I'm sure that's totally unrelated 🙃

[shiningdesignersreflections]

Chapter 2: Test Subject

Narrated by Caprico.

~Content Warning: human experimentation, pain/torture~

Narrator: I pick her up with one hand and toss her out expressionless.

Girl: Please... Please help me!

Narrator: Her face is twisted in excruciating pain. Her lower limbs are practically gone, yet she still clings onto me desperately.

Narrator: Even the electric currents from my prosthetic arm can’t get her to let go.

Narrator: She whines and whines, the sound grating on my poor ears.

Narrator: Still... perhaps this is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for.

Narrator: I’ve performed tons of modifications on myself, but it’s been a while since I’ve had another living body to experiment on.

Narrator: I pick her up and carry her into the factory. She hesitates, then thanks me in a feeble voice, eyes full of gratitude.

Girl: Thank you...

Caprico: No, you really shouldn’t be.

Narrator: I shove her onto the cold, glinting operation table and switch on the surgical lamp. She immediately squeezes her eyes shut.

Narrator: I connect dozens of wires to a pair of the newest, mechanical prototype legs with ease, then chain her in place on the table.

Girl: Is this... for me? You’re giving me new legs?

Caprico: It’s an experiment.

Narrator: I don’t bother to elaborate and simply press the button to turn the electricity on.

Girl: Aaaaaaahhh!

Narrator: She screams, but I’m too focused to care. The thrilling moment when machine and human nerves connect... it’s epic.

Choose either “You couldn’t even apply anesthetics properly?!” or “Hope you’re doing it for her.”

If “properly,” ...

You: You’re heartless! You didn’t even use anesthetics on her!

Narrator: It’s just an experiment. Why waste my meds?

If “for her,” ...

You: I hope you’re doing this for her sake.

Narrator: I don’t take her feelings into consideration. My machines are all I care about.

--

Narrator: With the final wire connected, my test subject falls unconscious. Her vital signs tell me that my operation was successful.

Narrator: I nod, satisfied, and move her from the table to where my past robotic inventions are stacked by the wall.

Narrator: The operation has taken a huge toll on me. I decide it’s time to take a rest.

Narrator: On the monitor screen, the phantom-like, dark figures surrounding the factory silently slip away.

Narrator: I awaken the next day to the sound of intermittent whirring as if someone’s testing out machines for fun.

Caprico: ...Ugh, what...

Narrator: I get up to find my test subject already up and hopping about, exploring the factory and even arguing with my roomba.

Girl: You’re not doing your job correctly! Look! There’s dust here... Here... Here, too.

Cleaning Robot: Warning! Warning! Obstacle in the way!

Girl: I’m not an obstacle! I’m Phyllis.

Narrator: She keeps glancing at her brand-new prosthetic legs. She seems to have gotten used to them in no time.

Narrator: And then she spots me.

Girl: Oh, you’re up!

Narrator: She comes sprinting towards me, legs clacking. She’s grinning like a blooming flower.

Girl: Thank you so much! I love my new legs. It’s like magic! How did you manage to do it?

Narrator: She doesn’t seem scared of me at all, as if she’s already put the memories of the painful operation yesterday behind her.

Caprico: Is it working alright? Feeling pain or awkward anywhere?

Girl: It feels great! Like I’ve just sprouted new ones. I can walk freely... even dance. I’ll show you!

Narrator: Her body doesn’t seem to be rejecting the new appendages. It moves in accordance with each leg.

Narrator: Her body is taking quite well to the new alloys. Perhaps I should stick a robotic arm on her, too...

Narrator: I watch as she scampers around, exploring while I make plans in my head. Suddenly, she pops up in front of me.

Girl: Thank you for helping me, kind sir. This is for you.

Narrator: In her dirty little hand is a shiny golden coin.

Narrator: It’s got a thorny rose pattern engraved on it. Exquisite, and... familiar.

Narrator: I frown.

Caprico: Where did you get this from?

Chapter 1

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

[jodilin65]

SATURDAY, AUGUST 31, 2013 Someone tried to shoot me in my dreams last night, though I don’t remember any details. I actually had a series of strange dreams. In one dream Tom said he was sure that a dog was living in the carport of a house further down the street, and I wondered if I should mention it to Joy.

Then I had a dream (I don’t know how I knew this) where I was sure that the police helped pick one of my blog posts out for publication for profit by some psych magazine. I then contacted both the police and magazine by email letting them know that since they weren’t authorized to use my work without my permission, they would hear from my attorney as soon as I obtained one.

I was reading back on some old dream premonitions I’d forgotten about and can now understand more of their meaning. I knew the dream where my MIL suddenly stopped sending us money (like she’d ever really give a shit if we lived or died) was a warning sign of trouble ahead. Tom was hurt and worried when her weekly envelope arrived completely empty. I asked him if he thought we’d be ok and he said, “Now, no.”

What was eerie was the date of the entry. It was right around the time the government was set to stop our checks before a red flag went up and before they notified us. It was basically the same warning as in the “whiteout” dream. In the whiteout dream, the man who’d come to give me the bad news was digging. I later realized it represented the digging of our graves till that miraculous phone call/job came at the very last moment after months of filling out every application available to fill out just to be ignored.

Now that September is just hours away I can say I still hate that month, though maybe not as much as December. I hated September as a kid cuz it meant going back to school. As an adult, I hate it due to the onset of cooler temps (though it stays warm here till November), and the holiday madness. But ever since 2011, September’s taken on an even worse meaning for me with the 16th being the day the lovely fuck off letter came and we were so sure we had just two weeks left to live since the streets were no place for us to survive an also no place to die. I still shudder just thinking about it, and I look upwards to a God that may or may not exist and my fists clench with fury. That one terrifying incident alone is enough to make me forever hate Him. I will never forgive Him and I don’t want to forgive Him either. That was a real doozy in my book. As if everything else that ever went wrong in my life wasn’t enough?

Been here 1 month and 3 weeks and I still love everything but the traffic. Tom thinks the traffic will be quieter in the winter when there are fewer companies with trucks and trailers coming to do yard work. It’s not the traffic I worry about in the cooler months, it’s next door. They don’t live outdoors like Jesse did, but will Bob want to live in his garage at that time and maybe saw this and drill that while he adds a little hammering to the mix?

FRIDAY, AUGUST 30, 2013 Not surprisingly, the fucking garbage truck woke me up, though it was only for a minute. If only the speed bump wasn’t where it’s at. Most of the loud traffic comes from service trucks. Trucks with trailers really make a loud thump when they go over that thing.

After that, I woke up a million times just because. Really hope one of the dreams I had isn’t a warning. In the dream, it finally rained and it leaked EVERYWHERE. As Tom reminded me, though, for just $60 we’d have them come out and fix it. I still hope it doesn’t leak. You never know what may get damaged if it does.

The slave (Roomba) took an hour and a half to vacuum last time around but did a great job. Its tummy was chock full of dirt, dust and hairs… till I made it throw it all up.

I may always be heavy, but it sure is amazing what a few different ab exercises can do for a backache. I did a whole series of warm-up, cardio, strength and cool-down exercises that take about 20 min. It’s been fun seeing myself get stronger and more flexible over time despite remaining so big and knowing I will never again be thin. Not at this age and with this shit metabolism.

When I first started a month ago, I could only reach the middle of my shins when sitting on the floor with my legs straight in front of me and reaching for my feet. Now I’m getting close to my ankles. Will I ever be able to touch my toes again? Probably. Will my waist ever be in the 20s again? Almost certainly not.

Tom is looking forward to his 3-day weekend and together we plan to get more things done around here.

The trolls are still behaving. No pestering me, no harassing friends, other than maybe Aly of course, but they knew her before they knew me. Not surprisingly, though, the account Kim had with a pic of herself is gone. There’s something that bugs me about Aly’s story, though. She said someone hacked Kim’s account and told Kim’s sister of her impersonations and all that shit, but who else besides Aly, does Kim know that could not only hack an account but also that would want to expose her to her sister??? Not that the sister hasn’t already been informed of Kim’s stalking and impersonations; she just chooses to ignore, deny and defend Kim. What could she do about it anyway, even if she did pull her head out of the sand and acknowledge it? Forbid Kim from going online?

THURSDAY, AUGUST 29, 2013 I was asked on Ask to keep my my-diary going cuz it displays nicely on their phone while the other blogs take too long. I think this same person has contacted me there before with similar requests. So they’re really into my blog but won’t say who they are? Really hope they’ll lose their shyness and let me know sometime so I can personally thank them for being such a loyal follower of what I would’ve thought most would consider a boring life. Really, I don’t bite!

So… Blogger and MD will be my blogging spots for now.

Got up late and went for a swim with Tom who had just gotten in from work. There was just one woman there reading at the side of the pool. I was breaking pool rules without even knowing it. I thought the pool opened at 6am, but pool hours are actually 8:30 am - 10pm.

Tammy left a message letting me know what’s up with them. I guess Mark did and didn’t enjoy his trip to Indiana and Ohio. He saw his brother but didn’t get to see his daughter. Not sure if they don’t get along or if their schedules just clashed or what. She said she’d tell me the story by phone, but I’m not sure I care. Or that it’s any of my business. But that’s Tammy for you, LOL, one to gossip and to discuss health problems.

She and Sarah both had the runs for two weeks and were on antibiotics. They wanted to hospitalize Tammy, but she’s too caught up in Mark’s problems now to worry about her own. Not sure why they got sick, but Tammy lost 30 pounds. She’s glad to have lost it, but not by getting sick.

Wish I could lose that much, but the calories required for me to do so at this age aren’t enough to live on. 1000 calories or less leaves me too hungry and tired. Wish I could lose on 1200-1500 like most people, but not with this shit metabolism. Despite still being heavy, I’ve gotten stronger, fitter and more flexible through cardio and strength training. It helps my joint pain, but if I sit still too long I’m stiff when I get up. After my cleaning and working out is done, I try to get up and get moving after every half hour or so that I’ve been sitting on my ass.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 27, 2013 Aw, no wins today. At least I slept better. I feel much more refreshed and alert today. Did my usual online work, then I entered sweeps, worked out and cleaned the bathrooms and laundry room. Took me an hour to do the cleaning. My slave will be assisting me tomorrow with cleaning the front of the house. It will vacuum while I dust and clean the kitchen.

Tonight is going to be spent entering the sweeps that expire on the 31st. The last day of the month is when most of them expire. That’s a total of 363 sweeps, though I’ll probably only enter about 250 of them.

I’m also thinking of returning to Blogger. For a while, I was scared off of anything Google (except for searches and translators) due to all the security issues they were having and their joke of a privacy policy, but there are a lot of sweeps connected to Blogger. Also, blogging is one of my top hobbies, and I do love all the different blogs/features, so I’m seriously considering it.

MONDAY, AUGUST 26, 2013 I love this house and I love this park, but sometimes I wonder if we made a mistake location-wise. I wanted to sleep till noon since I need to start getting my schedule in order in preparation for my next dentist appointment, but between 10:30 - 11:30 I heard 3 loud bangs that kept waking me up. The sound machine and earplug cancel out loud motors, but not the vibrant sounds that I can feel. I can only be jolted awake so many times before I’m unable to fall back asleep, too. So now I have to spend the day on the tired side, though I think I can still work out.

All of my guesses as to where the slams were make sense but don’t make sense. My first thought was next door, of course, but they usually come and go pretty quietly. Why would they start slamming doors like that all of a sudden?

My next guess was someone parking on the other side of the house since they’ve been showing the house that’s for sale there, but could the sound really resonate across the house like that?

My last guess was someone parked in back of us, but why would they do that? Maybe someone coming to see the house that was lost? Other than that or something maintenance might’ve been doing, there’s no reason for anyone to park in back of us unless one of the houses back there had a lot of company. They’d have to have a dozen visitors, though!

Once unable to go back to sleep, I shut the sound machine off and could hear scattered sounds of someone rummaging around in the garage next door. At least I think I did. But then not much later I saw their SUV return and ran to the bedroom to see if it was any louder than usual when they got out of it. I could hear the door close, but not feel it. It was only one door too, so one of them may’ve stayed home (the one playing in the garage?).

I don’t know what to think anymore, but I still can’t help but wonder if the grass would’ve been greener in Newcastle. Would it have been??? My only worry there would’ve been those stopping in front of the place where the mailboxes were since the bedrooms were by the road. But I would have LOVED having more space around me. Who knows, though, maybe there would have been other annoyances we couldn’t know about without actually living there.

I know we had to move when we did cuz the prices were rapidly rising and we were sick as hell of being cramped in that little trailer, though a part of me regrets getting a place alongside someone’s garage. I hated that in Phoenix, I hated it in Oregon, so what made me think it’d be ok here just because the people are older? And oh, the traffic! I wish we were on a quiet little road that got little traffic. Busy streets are ok when the traffic can whiz by at a normal speed. I’ve lived on busy streets before. But those streets (in Oregon) didn’t allow on-street parking either.

Like I said, I love the house and I love the park. It’s just that I’m sleeping worse here than with the Jes pest. That’s ridiculous. There are more distractions here, too. They just don’t go on and on for hours like with Jesse. A part of me wonders if we should have just gotten a cheap condo, but also in a retirement community, if I had to “feel” like I’m attached to others anyway, for the sake of having cheaper monthly expenses.

Thought of switching bedrooms, but I don’t see how the other room would save me, so I guess I’m just going to have to get used to going to bed knowing that my sleep is hit or miss, especially when I’m on nights. If I have to reschedule my appointment, then so be it. But damn, though, I really wish I could sleep better. I guess it’s just God’s little “punishment” for defying Him and becoming the homeowners He stopped us from being twice and never wanted us to be again.

To be cursed with such a sleep disorder is one thing, but to be such a light sleeper is really adding insult to injury. I don’t understand why some people can sleep through anything WITHOUT sound machines and earplugs while everything wakes me up no matter what I do. What am I doing wrong? What is the trick to tuning it all out? Telling myself I’m in a large, active park on a busy street and to just know and accept the traffic noise obviously isn’t cutting it, so what now?

We talked about soundproofing the bedroom, but we’d have to do the windows too, and that would mean never having any natural light or fresh air in there in the cooler months, and I don’t want to live like that. I didn’t come here for that.

sighs Guess all I can do is hope I manage to loop my schedule around and make it to my appointment. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t, but at least I can know that if anyone gets in the way of this plan, it won’t be the Jes pest.

If I could stop having so many damn appointments that would help, too. But I have two more dentist appointments after this one, not counting cleanings, and then it’s off to a primary care doctor. I’m not going to discuss the details in public, though, for I have learned it’s best to keep health issues private.

Later…

To help compensate for the sleep disturbances this morning, I won an Evian baby tee. It’s adorable and I actually wanted to win this one.

Tom thinks it may’ve been vehicles bouncing over the speed bump in back that woke me up. I totally forgot about that damn thing.

Nane got a bike, candles, flowers and perfume for her birthday. Then she got drunk and said she’d check out my newest photo albums tomorrow. Whatever.

The results of my 26 days of dieting and exercising are the usual. I eat healthily, I exercise, but the weight hangs on. I lost a few pounds, but I’m definitely not going down anymore. Oh well. A few pounds is better than nothing.

Tom asked me to look for workout vids on YouTube for fat guys, LOL, saying that the workout we did was too hard on him. It took him a week to recover, he said, haha. I may be huge and I always will be, but I’m definitely fitter than he is. Still, all this body weight does make some exercises harder than they used to be for me. But the weight’s not going anywhere cuz this is how the older me was meant to be and so I just gotta make the best of it. You adapt somewhat. Really, REALLY don’t want to gain anymore, though.

Signed up for free samples when we moved and today I got a couple of dishwashing sample packs.

Rosy, as we’ve been calling our Roomba, took over the cleaning for me after I dusted the bedrooms. It was so nice to let the slave take over the vacuuming that I would’ve done afterward, though once a month I’ll go around and get the few spots she can’t get. I turned her loose after I finished dusting because I didn’t want us getting in the way of each other.

Tomorrow Rosy gets a day off while I clean the bathrooms and laundry room, then she’ll be back on the clock the next day to do the kitchen, dining and living room floors.

My diary on MD is sooooo damn long, covering 26 years of my life, that I wonder if I should create a second diary there. I’m not sure yet, but I’m thinking about it. Got nearly 7000 entries on LJ, but that site is laid out totally differently.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 25, 2013 Had a fun day, though we didn’t go to Sam’s cuz the crowds in Target were annoying enough to deal with. It seems there was someone in every aisle, and of course most of the kids were out of control.

Got a new keyboard since my other one was getting old. This one’s wireless. It’s going to take some time to get used to. It has a different feel and some of the keys are arranged differently than my other one.

Since the purple dye never did take to the rough, wooly crème-colored blanket we had before, I ended up grabbing a hot pink one that is so much nicer and softer. A little short on the sides, but plenty nice enough for the hot months when you want something light and airy. All the different shades of pink and purple in the bedroom/bath blend well together.

Got some tiebacks for the drapes that match the rod nicely. These are plastic handles in a silvery finish. I like them better than Mrs. S’s gold ropes.

The thing we got that was the most fun was the adhesive wall décor. I got a set of colorful flowers that are large and tall, as well as an array of butterflies. Some are 3D, which means the wings stick out. They were really easy to apply and gives the place great color. You feel like you’re walking through a flower garden when you go down the hall. The bedroom really needed it. Especially the wall above the two old dressers that will eventually be replaced. There was just so much empty white wall space that really demanded some color.

I think that’s all we got today besides groceries.

So sad to learn that Linda Ronstadt has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. Because of it, she can no longer sing. Such terrible news! I haven’t been into celebrities for nearly 20 years now and even came to resent a lot of them with the way they get away with crime and adopt foreign babies that only end up being raised by nannies. Then again, so do the kids they actually have. Linda was not only someone I was attracted to in her younger, thinner days but a vocal role model as well. I never could compare to her vocally, of course, but she was the inspiration behind me getting training and going from a shitty singer to a fairly decent one. Hope she still has many years left in her, even though I’ve heard she’s a bitch, which is the impression she’s given me in some of her interviews.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 24, 2013 The couple next door may be nice, but I’ve heard this tapping sound from over there the last two days that’s getting a little old. Not sure if it’s coming from their garage or in back or what, and while it’s nothing the sound of the air cleaner can’t block, I still prefer not to hear my neighbors every single day. Them coming and going is one thing, but if they’re outside this much in 90s weather, I’d hate to see what the 60s will bring. But hey, I knew the shitster above wouldn’t let me have working neighbors or neighbors who weren’t outside much, nice or not. Kinda makes me wish they were older and not so able-bodied, but if that were the case, then they’d be ready for nursing homes, and I don’t want to lose them for people who could be outdoors even more. Besides, I don’t even know for sure it’s coming from their place.

I realized afterward that the garden they mentioned probably isn’t on their property but the community garden by the pool.

The entire trash bin emptied out for once when it was picked up yesterday, and I got a sample roll of toilet paper. They lied about sending the “free” Fire ring, though. Figured they would.

I was kind of pissed to wake up at the same weight 4 days in a row after all this dieting and the rigorous workouts. Why must it take me 10 days to get 1 lousy pound off after I lose the first few pounds? Again I wonder about my thyroid, and I’m also starting to wonder if I’ll lose any more weight no matter what I do. So I’m taking the day off to decide what – if anything – I want to do. I don’t want to damn near starve myself to lose weight I might not be meant to lose, but I also don’t want to go back to gaining either.

Doing laundry and dishes now. It’s nice having all these slaves work for me – dishwashers, disposals, washers, dryers, robotic vacuums… if only they could invent one that dusts. Dusting is my least favorite chore.

Later…

Poor Alison. She’s getting over Dustin and adjusting to life on her own, but Kim and her family are harassing her again. Apparently, someone hacked one of Kim’s fan sites and sent her sister a message all about how she impersonates people. Then Kim and her sister sent messages from various accounts faster than Aly could block them, calling her a bitch and a bully and insisting Kim wasn’t doing anything wrong.

Sorry, but stalking people and impersonating them is doing something wrong. Alison could probably hack sites if she wanted to, but for what? To try to get the sister to see what she simply doesn’t want to see? Kim had the nerve to top things off by threatening to sic the pigs on her as well. Have they forgotten that Aly herself is a federal agent?

Aly gave me her latest aliases, which were variations of her real name and that use actual photos of herself. As we figured, though, the trunkless elephant already blocked me on Facebook. This I don’t get. If you’re going to stalk and follow someone on blogging sites and Ask, then why block them on FB if you’re so interested in what they’re up to? Maybe because she knows I keep things private there? Or maybe it just makes her feel in control. Who can figure the insane? I went to the section that says: Who can look me up. Then I set it to friends. I don’t know that this will do me any good if she’s got me bookmarked or can simply go through her search history on her computer, but non-friends shouldn’t be able to find me by my name. I hate to cut Shannon out, but I haven’t heard from her anyway.

Aly said she thinks I was in on it, too. Yeah, right. Like I care to waste my time trying to get the blind to open their fucking eyes. How could I hack accounts she’s got me blocked from anyway, even if I knew how to do so?

I wanted so badly to defend my friend, but knew that would only get me harassed as well, and cause more trouble for her. There is one thing I couldn’t resist, though, and even Aly can’t wait till Kim sees it. I was able to pull up one of her bogus accounts from Tom’s account. One that had a real pic of her. It was great too, cuz she was turned to the side, making my “Who is this?” story a bit more believable. I posted the pic on Ask saying it had been emailed to me and that all the person asked was if I knew who it was. I said I wasn’t sure although it did look familiar, and that when I replied, the email bounced, and could anyone identify her? LOL

FRIDAY, AUGUST 23, 2013 Finally met the neighbors, Bob and Virginia. They seem nice and I’d say they’re in their 60s. I heard a strange noise start up an hour after I got up and was curious as to what it was, though I knew it wasn’t the same sound I heard coming from their garage last week. It was Bob’s air compressor pumping up his bike tires, so I learned when I stepped outside.

Virginia said they were beginning to wonder if ghosts lived here (I told them we always try to be quiet), though they did see Tom go to the mailboxes and thought of jumping out to introduce themselves, but they’d always be ready to sit down for dinner, haha.

So after a brief greeting, I went back inside. A moment later there was a knock on the door from Virginia. She gave me a bag containing 6 nice ripe tomatoes from their garden! Wasn’t that nice? I didn’t even know they had a garden over there, though they would certainly have room for one on the other side of their place.

My first instinct was to decline to accept the tomatoes, but she said they had too many and was going around passing them out. I asked if she was sure and when she assured me she was, I thought why not? It’s Atkins-friendly and would make a delicious snack. Hope she doesn’t come over with carrots or celery! Those would surely end up with the rats.

That’s pretty much all I know about them other than that judging by the lights I see go on and off, they sleep from about 11pm - 5am.

They seemed really glad to meet me. Guess they wanted to settle their curiosity, though it doesn’t surprise me. This isn’t a regular neighborhood. These are old people with lots of time on their hands. If they continue to be as quiet as they have and don’t make a regular habit of running loud things too often (and I don’t think they will at this point), I hope they’ll be there for the rest of their lives. That’s how it usually is here, anyway. You either die here or you go into assisted living. Almost everyone here is in the last home they’ll ever own. We’ve talked about Florida and even other countries, but I think we’ll probably be here forever, even though I’m not the forever kind of gal other than when it comes to Tom.

It gets better. I’m getting close to losing pound #8 (yes, I can tell), and our first full electric bill was only $80. $80! We were thinking it be more like $180 being the peak of summer. How wonderful it is to be a real house again! If this thing were built like the trailer, we’d owe more than $180.

Won Tom a T-shirt, too. T-shirts are no big deal to me, but he always likes them. He said it’s encouraging as far as my eventually hitting it big again, cuz if you aren’t winning the little stuff, you certainly won’t be hitting the big ones.

Was a little dismayed to see Kathy checked my blog last night. Shows she hasn’t moved on yet. She never tried to contact me, though, on Ask or anywhere else. Just discovered MD is having issues. That may be why she went to MO, even though she probably knew she’d show up on my tracker. Let me guess… she’s anxious to tell me when the “blueberry” is born, right? Ooh, how exciting! As long as her wonderful God doesn’t stop spoiling her with everything she wants in life, she shouldn’t be spitting any blueberries out till the end of the year.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 22, 2013 Happy birthday to my very special buddy overseas! Ich hoffe ihre Gebortstag war ein gute eins, aber das ist alle ich werde sagen. :)

While I don’t care what people think of me, I do care to be respectful of people’s privacy. Within reason, of course. I understand that some people are very private people that do not wish to be discussed in other people’s blogs, no matter how trivial or kind it may be and so that’s why I don’t always get into my interactions with others. Besides, my blog is mostly to share my own thoughts and experiences, not gossip.

It’s been a busy but quiet week. I just got caught up on the day’s sweeps, so now it’s off to work out.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 21, 2013 Someone tried to shoot me in my dreams last night, though I don’t remember any details. I actually had a series of strange dreams. In one dream Tom said he was sure that a dog was living in the carport of a house further down the street, and I wondered if I should mention it to Joy.

Then I had a dream (I don’t know how I knew this) where I was sure that the police helped pick one of my blog posts out for publication for profit by some psych magazine. I then contacted both the police and magazine by email letting them know that since they weren’t authorized to use my work without my permission, they would hear from my attorney as soon as I obtained one.

I was reading back on some old dream premonitions I’d forgotten about and can now understand more of their meaning. I knew the dream where my MIL suddenly stopped sending us money (like she’d ever really give a shit if we lived or died) was a warning sign of trouble ahead. Tom was hurt and worried when her weekly envelope arrived completely empty. I asked him if he thought we’d be ok and he said, “Now, no.”

What was eerie was the date of the entry. It was right around the time the government was set to stop our checks, before a red flag went up and before they notified us. It was basically the same warning as in the “whiteout” dream. In the whiteout dream, the man who’d come to give me the bad news was digging. I later realized it represented the digging of our graves till that miraculous phone call/job came at the very last moment after months of filling out every application available to fill out just to be ignored.

Now that September is just hours away I can say I still hate that month, though maybe not as much as December. I hated September as a kid cuz it meant going back to school. As an adult, I hate it due to the onset of cooler temps (though it stays warm here till November), and the holiday madness. But ever since 2011, September’s taken on an even worse meaning for me with the 16th being the day the lovely fuck off letter came and we were so sure we had just two weeks left to live, since the streets were no place for us to survive an also no place to die. I still shudder just thinking about it, and I look upwards to a God that may or may not exist and my fists clench with fury. That one terrifying incident alone is enough to make me forever hate Him. I will never forgive Him and I don’t want to forgive Him either. That was a real doozy in my book. As if everything else that ever went wrong in my life wasn’t enough?

Been here 1 month and 3 weeks and I still love everything but the traffic. Tom thinks the traffic will be quieter in the winter when there are fewer companies with trucks and trailers coming to do yard work. It’s not the traffic I worry about in the cooler months, it’s next door. They don’t live outdoors like Jesse did, but will Bob want to live in his garage at that time and maybe saw this and drill that while he adds a little hammering to the mix?

Apparently, I am missed on Ask where someone asked what they could do to get me to check in more often. The fact that they never tell me who they are makes me think it could be someone I don’t want anything to do with - someone who knows I don’t want anything to do with them - someone like Kim. IDK, maybe it’s Mrs. M for all I know. Even if they did say who they were, could I really trust it to be true?

Our new Roomba Robo vac is amazing. It’s like, wow! I watched it do its thing for two hours. Then the green light went red and I sent it home to its dock so it could charge itself. Amazingly enough, it never got tangled in cords or anything. If it gets stuck it turns off its brushes and tries to escape. The only trouble it has is getting onto the bathmats. If it tries to approach it by a corner, the corner of the mat folds over. But if it rolls onto it from one of its sides, it makes it on just fine.

It’s amazingly quiet and doesn’t go smacking into walls or furniture really hard. It has a sensor that causes it to slow down as it approaches things and then it just gently bumps whatever’s there. It doesn’t move that fast to begin with. The container was full when it was done, but since this is such a big house (I was shocked to find it really is just 1344 square feet when we measured it ourselves) I think it’d be best not to have it do the whole house at once. It comes with a virtual wall – a black box you place where you don’t want it to go. I’ll let it do the kitchen, dining and living rooms one day, and the hall and bedrooms the next. I’ll probably do the baths and laundry room myself cuz it’s just as easy to throw the floor vac over them that the last owners left here.

Some things it does easier than I can like under desks and beds, but some things, like tight corners that it can’t get into, are better off done by me. Roomba still saves me lots of time and I don’t mind hitting those tight spots while it’s doing the rest of the place.

Romeo was so funny, watching with curious fascination from his cage as it rolled on by.

It was quiet all week till now when I heard some landscaping start up. So I threw on some music and now I’m set to write and read/publish some old stuff.

Monday morning at 9:30 they finally came to install our water meter. Fortunately, I was up. But that meant having to have the water off again for a while which makes 3 times in less than 2 months.

I still worry about what the cooler weather may bring in a few months. Dogs barking out of open windows? Next door doing more projects? I hope not, but time will tell.

Yesterday we did some little odds and ends around the house, and Tom was able to replace my new desk’s keyboard tray with the old one, which is wider.

I have been so busy that I’m not always able to do all I want to do, and I forget what I already did do. I thought I had forgotten to mention the cute little farm animals I got, but Andy was quick to point out that I did mention them already, duh. I’m pretty sure I forgot to mention the colorful glow-in-the-dark puzzle I got. Now that we have room for things like that I said, what the hell, and grabbed a puzzle with flowers and butterflies that I can eventually donate to the clubhouse if I want to. They have a million puzzles, books and videos there already, but hey, what’s one more?

I was also mistaken in saying it was one of the anchor teeth for the braces I had that’s being crowned. It’s the one next to it.

The house across the street is up for sale at 62K. That and higher is what most of these homes normally go for. We got a helluva deal on this house.

Lost pound #7 and am amazed at how well this diet is going. So far, anyway. I’ve never lost weight this fast before, but I’ve also never counted carbs before either. I’m not trying to limit my carbs to any set number, but I am making a point of having foods low in carbs and not just low in calories.

Being able to put our food in our little pantry really helps too, so it’s not always in my face. In the trailer, we used most of our little table as a pantry cuz cabinet space was so limited there.

On this diet I’m not always so hungry, I don’t crave sweets and I look and feel so much better even with just a 7-pound loss. Got a long way to go, but just maybe I’ll get there someday. I work out twice a day now. I first work my arms and abs with resistance bands for 10 minutes, then I hit the treadmill for 10 more minutes. Later on in my day, I follow a 20-minute fitness video on YouTube. I eat mostly fruits, veggies and non-fried/breaded meats. I avoid starchy and sugary foods like bread, pasta, potatoes and sweets.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 20, 2013 I love knowing that I’m not only finally down to just 3 more dentist appointments as nice as they are, but also when my perps go to jail. :) Oh, the Valleyhead owners will never pay for the torment and hell they helped inflict upon me and my fellow VH sisters, but they sure are going down for fraud! As Nichy said, what you do in the dark eventually gets brought into the light.

The owners lived in a posh mansion on a hill above the “school” we lived in while they collected millions at our expense till the FBI shut them down. Valleyhead was an all-girls school in MA, for those of you who might not know what I’m talking about. They owned a boys’ school in VT named Bennington, but that’s about to go to hell as well. :)

Albeit childish, the thought of my fellow sisters and I sending Mathew a postcard in jail with each of our signatures is kinda funny. Ok, so it’s VERY funny! Too bad the 30 mil they’ve been ordered to repay can’t be divvied up between those who were victims turned survivors of the former hellhole they ran to “help” troubled teens. There were a few good staffers there who actually cared about us girls, but most of them can turn on their stoves and sit on them for all I care.

I asked Nichy about what was going on in a message and she gave me her number and asked that I call her which I did this morning. There was some concern about someone breaking into the mansion and stealing records, but the lawsuit is null and void since the owners are on their way to the slammer, if they’re not already there.

I blocked Ellen, their daughter, now that I know she only friended me just to see what I might be saying about the situation and to see if she could gather any support from any of us. Well, I may’ve had no problems with Ellen herself, but the last thing I’d ever do is vouch for her greedy family. I’m sure she learned this much when she found my blog link and the entry all about VH, hahaha.

Anyway, my dentist took care of a filling and I now have a temporary crown on one of the teeth that was an anchor tooth for my braces. Those damn things really damaged my teeth! The guy that put them on wasn’t nearly as good as the lady I now see. She’s so, so very nice and so is her staff. The guy I used to see wouldn’t even care to take the time to numb my gums with a topical ointment before shooting me with the Novocain thingy. She even offered me a blanket cuz it was cold in there, but I didn’t mind. I knew I’d be sweating my ass off again soon enough. I just didn’t know how much I’d be sweating, LOL. The damn car battery crapped out on us so the receptionist was kind enough to give us a jump. Then we went to Sam’s and got a new one.

The Crest Whitening strips are helping to whiten my teeth but I’m going to wait till I get the permanent crown cemented in before I start using them again. The last thing I want is anything sticking to the temp crown. My tooth looked scary before we found the best match for the temp, LOL. It’s just a little stick now cuz Dr. H really ground it down. She rocks, though. You should take all your cavities and other problems to her if you live in NorCal.

I was telling Shannon, her assistant, about the rats and I guess she may look me up and add me on FB.

After checking in with my online besties – Andy, Nane, etc. – we hit the pool and it felt soooo good. Just a couple of really old guys there.

MONDAY, AUGUST 19, 2013 My first shot at nail art stenciling wasn’t too bad. A little shaky with the first few till I got the hang of it. It’s one of those things that’s fun to try for variety, but not something I plan to make a habit of. Maybe I’ll take a pic later.

How could I forget the farm animals? I forgot to mention they had these really cool-looking plastic animals of all kinds that were quite realistic at Walmart. The horses even have horseshoes. I got a black and white horse, a brown and white cow, a gray and white cat, and a golden retriever.

The weekend was dead quiet. Wish it could be like that during the week, but we’re coming up on 8am and that inevitable drone of landscaping equipment. I just hope I don’t hear from next door’s garage or else I’m going to worry it really could be a hobby of his, and even more worried about what the winter may bring when people tend to be out and about more.

It’s been super hot again and last night it only got down to 76°. Today we’re on for 103°. The pool was nice yesterday. We arrived at 1pm when kids aren’t supposed to be there. A couple of bratty boys who were arguing over some stupid thing or another were just leaving with their grandparents at the time. The only other person there at the time was just some guy sunning with headphones on.

I’m back in the 140s and have lost 6 pounds since going Atkins on the 1st. 39 more to go! It’s going to really be hell to lose once I get into the 120-125 range cuz a woman my height and age is no longer considered overweight at that weight. I may have too much muscle and bone density that we tend to get with age to get down to my younger weight of 110, but I can always try.

I’m sure I’m forgetting something, but I’ve got a lot to do today, so if I remember anything I’ll jot it down in my notes.

Later…

I asked Marie, who is also on Ellen’s friend list, if she ever heard from her. Nope. Is there a lawsuit pending? she asked. Now why would she ask that? I’m still waiting to hear back from her, but that question sent a wave of chills through me. It really did. Why? Because I’ve wondered if Ellen was up to no good. Why would she friend us just to ignore us? If she were that curious about what’s going on in our lives, why not just ask us? And so I not only unfriended her but blocked her as well.

It also sent chills through me because it’s so God. SO God to tear us down now that we’ve built ourselves up. Really, He would send someone to take all this money from us – the money we never thought we’d ever have. And that’s scary. Very scary. He’s used others as a weapon against us before, and paving the way for some greedy asshole to find some excuse to screw us over is EXACTLY what the bastard would do. It’s always a few months after we move (to a place we own) that shit happens as if to punish us for daring to dream and getting ahead in life. Big shit that can’t be resolved in just a few days or even a few weeks or months.

When I walked free of the Arizona sickos I promised myself that no one would ever again tell me what to do or treat me like a child. No one would ever again tell me I had to be here, do this, pay that, etc. No one’s going to tell us what to do with our money. No one. I won’t let anyone screw us and I’ll be damned if I’ll fork over one dime to any possible extortionists out there just because I chose to share my VH experience and she chose to read it.

I’m sure I have nothing to worry about and that I’m just being understandably paranoid based on past experience and where we are right now in life (I don’t even know that she knows I have a blog that I’ve mentioned it in), and even though I wouldn’t let anyone screw us over ever again if I could help it, who needs the hassles?

Still, I can’t wait to hear why Marie asked that.

Someone on Ask once accused me of writing a fake bio. Wonder if Ellen’s connected to that and the psychology lessons?

SUNDAY, AUGUST 18, 2013 I’m so busy today that I can’t make much of an entry. Life is good, though, and like with Andy, I’m easily the happiest I’ve been! It’s been a fun day as well as a busy one.

We took off for Walmart at around 7:30 after our 5-year-old vacuum’s motor died. No wonder it’s been sounding funny lately. Better now when we were thinking of getting a robot vacuum instead of back when we were so broke we couldn’t even spend $40 on a vacuum, let alone $350. We considered the cheaper $110 one, but we felt more comfortable with a brand name that would let us get parts for it as needed. It does floors and carpets and there shouldn’t be many places in here it can’t go.

When we ordered the Robo vac on Amazon (Walmart didn’t have any in stock), I also ordered a floral tablecloth to give the dining area some color and make the table not seem so lost in there.

On the way to Walmart, I saw this big fancy church and thought it sad that so many people would spend such money on account of an assumed entity that no one’s ever seen or talked to and that all you hear about are stories that can’t be proven when there are so many people out there in need just like we once were, and worse. Even if there really is a God, well, He doesn’t need the things people need.

Got a ton of stuff at Walmart. Mostly groceries, of course, but we did get some household items and some fun stuff. I got a colorful glow-in-the-dark puzzle and some plastic farm animals that look amazingly realistic

Found a nail art stencil kit that oughta be the best thing yet as far as getting designs on nails. It’s hard to get things small enough for my pinkies, though. I’m still as big as a cow yet I have these nothing little fingernails. Even when they’re long they seem so tiny.

With much hunger and sweat – or enough of it anyway – my weight is continuing to drop. I’m proud of myself for getting just one no-no (2 slices of New York-style cheesecake) at the store today. You do get somewhat used to the hunger and the cravings do lessen a bit, as that’s what a high protein/low carb diet is supposed to do.

I mostly love how much better I feel and I’m getting my mobility back, too. I just slipped back down under the obese range, so now I’m just fat, LOL. Not for long, though.

Tom and I are doing several chores and projects around the house and soon it’s off for a pool break!

SATURDAY, AUGUST 17, 2013 Was up early and couldn’t resist going for a swim this morning. It was gorgeous. I took my new finger watch and timed it. I was gone for about a half-hour walking to the pool, then swimming, then walking back. No one was there, which made it nicer, though I could smell more chlorine than usual. At least I could shower it off when I got back home.

I noticed something about our place and next door that I never noticed before. I’m surprised too, cuz I’m usually pretty observant. They have quite a bit of grass next door. It’s on the other side, fortunately, but it runs all the way down to the gully. It’s more of a yard than we have, but have enough trees, flowers and bushes to tend to of our own.

I didn’t realize our patio roof in back didn’t cover cement areas only. There are some dirt sections where plants are growing, though they don’t reach the roof. Wish more of our trees and shrubs covered more of our windows, so I could feel the added privacy of “hiding behind the bushes.”

My swimsuit was noticeably looser, yes! Don’t know how much more weight I’ll lose but I’ve been having so much fun not only swimming, walking, jogging and working with my resistance bands, but doing YouTube fitness vids as well. I’m glad Tom wanted to get this nice new TV. It was funny cuz they say you should have enough space around you to take 3 giant steps left, right, front and back. LOL, we couldn’t even take one in the trailer.

I’ve always been a slow loser who can’t usually lose more than a pound every 10 days after the initial few come off fairly fast. But slow is better than never. Even though I got heavy for a while from overeating and lack of exercise, I have been there before as far as the fitness, nutrition, diet and exercise thing goes and have lost weight before in my life, so it’s nothing really new. It’s just a very slow process and a matter of consistently enduring the hunger, and remembering how important that hunger really is at least to a degree. Hunger isn’t just your stomach’s way of letting you know it’s empty, but the actual burning of fat and calories. It’s something you gotta take one day at a time, one pound at a time.

Tom says I look way down. So it’s not just psychological cuz of how much better I feel, huh? I’ve lost more inches for the pounds due to being so short. Where it takes most people 10 pounds to drop an inch, I can drop more than an inch in just 5 pounds.

The exercises are helping to reshape me as well as strengthen me. Weight loss can be stalled when you initially build new muscles, and I’ve definitely been waking up old muscles that haven’t been used in a while.

It’s almost time to call Andy, who’s as unpredictable as he is predictable, LOL, so I’ll write about my nightmare in my next entry. I thought he’d get a kick out of this young guy doing a headstand with his pants down around his knees, but nope. As I told him, though, I don’t understand why so many men choose to degrade and belittle themselves every chance they get with the half-assed pants and other things. There’s trashy, then there’s classy. There’s sexy, then there’s slutty. Men have always been sluts, but it seems each generation loses even more self-respect. Maybe it’s me, but the half-assed pants thing doesn’t make you look sexier, mature or smarter.

Later…

Had a nice chat with Andy. It’s been a long time since we were able to chat with the shitty connection I had for so long. He still sounds the same. He shared some cooking tips and suggestions, but I’m not as big on spices as he is. “Hey, I’m in training,” I reminded him. Can’t have much in the way of starchy or sugary foods. Still, he’s always been a much better cook than I’ll ever be.

We talked about the annoying things we have to live with as much as we each love our homes. With him it’s yard work and barking, with me, it’s yard work and whatever the guy next door has been doing in his garage that can be heard in here. Not sure if it’s a saw, a sander or what, but even though he technically has a right to be doing that during normal daytime hours, I didn’t come here to listen to the whirring of machinery in here.

He suggested writing an anonymous note letting him know it bothers me, but I’m not going to write a note after just two times of hearing it. If it became a few times a week, then I don’t know what I’d do. Just live with it, I guess, just like I’ve had to live with other things everywhere I’ve lived. It’s not like it goes on and on for hours, and the sound machines and music drown it out. If it were 2-3 hours a day 5 days a week, then I may speak up, but I can’t see that happening. God, I hope not! Especially since this isn’t just any old neighborhood. This is a retirement community. A place people go to live in peace. Besides, no matter how anonymously I complained, they would know it was from this house cuz we’re the only ones who could hear it. The people across the street might be able to make it out a bit if they were in the front of their houses. Tom thinks he’s like him – if he has something to fix, he fixes it, but it’s not a hobby. Let’s hope he’s right!

It’s been a very peaceful Saturday so far. No landscaping, not much traffic noise, etc.

Another thing I didn’t come here for is for the net to drop off the 5 or 6 times it dropped off yesterday. I thought cable wasn’t supposed to do that, but as Tom pointed out, cable isn’t what it used to be. That’s true. All good things do come to an end. Back when we last had it in 2007, not many people had it. Now it’s everywhere, and the more of your neighbors that have it, the less reliable it can be. It hasn’t cut out today that I know of.

Poor Tom. Turns out they also have a similar service here like Goodwill where they come around and get unwanted household items right AFTER he dropped things off at the Goodwill. I guess they do this a few times a year. A few times for furniture and appliances, and a few times for clothes and small household items.

Our tentative plans are to tackle the walls sometime soon and get a new used vehicle either in the late winter or early spring. We’ll probably use our tax return toward it.

Tomorrow we’re going to load up on mostly non-edibles at Sam’s and enjoy spending time together. Where I saw too much of him when he didn’t work, now I hardly ever see him and I miss him. Why is it that so often in life we either get too little or too much of things?

Ok, now I’ll cover last night’s nightmare, then I’m going to get into bed and read myself to sleep. I had a very long, busy and physical day. I was beat after doing the fitness video I was doing today. Gotta remember to save those for the end of my day till I get in better shape again.

It was a very sad and scary dream. I was sent to prison for 15 years, though I don’t know why. It seems I was younger in the dream because I remember thinking I’d be 47 when I got out. It was strange because right after I was sentenced, Tammy came to visit me and they let us chat outside the jail by the parking lot. I was just about to step up to her and whisper, “Let’s just get in your car and go,” But then the guards came and got me.

Inside I was chatting with another inmate at dinnertime and I nodded toward a girl in her 20s and asked what she was in for. “She beat a man unconscious, then stabbed him to death for good measure. Then just as she was about to smother someone’s baby, the cops arrested her.

The thought of spending the next 15 years living with such characters made me shudder.

At night we slept in huge bunk beds that were outdoors but with screens around them. I was lying on my side on the lower bunk with my knees pulled up by my chest when I saw the shadow of a bear approaching. I could tell it was interested in the bugs that walked along the outside of the screen. It started growling and I wondered how it would react if the girl above me woke up and made any sounds.

Suddenly, I felt a great pressure on my knees. They had been close to the screen and the bear had placed a paw on the screen, which bent inward and rested upon my knees. I tried to stay as still as I could but the pain was too much. Terrified, I woke up right as I pushed myself away.

Even Andy had a nightmare last night and we wonder why. Our lives are going so incredibly well now.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 16, 2013 Happy 56th birthday to my sister! Hope she has many more.

Andy and I are going to chat by phone tomorrow. I tried to do a voice post on LJ but it kept saying my login was incorrect. Oh well.

Wonder if the guy next door is friends with the lady in the house across the street? As I was coming out of the bedroom, I saw him walk down their driveway, cross the street, then head up his driveway.

It was quieter yesterday, but today’s the day next door does their landscaping. At least I think it is. All I heard yesterday was some mowing in back right as I was about to listen to music. When I turned it off it was quiet.

That “dark van” I thought was parked in their driveway was probably really theirs, so I realized later on. They have a silver SUV but in the shade of the carport it can make you think it’s actually dark in color. They park in the driveway as much as in the garage.

There goes a mutt walker. I’m still amazed at how quiet they are when they pass by. I thought that every time they were being walked they’d bark at everything and nothing in sight along the way.

My Ellen suspicions deepened when I saw she’d been online but had ignored my pokes, posts and messages. I realize it could be FB making sure she never sees them, but even a VH sister (Maria) said she never replied to any of her own messages after she added her. Maybe she’s just curious about our lives but doesn’t want to actually be in touch with any of us.

I feel so much better since being active again and getting back into regular workouts. My joint pain has vanished and I am slowly losing inches and regaining energy and mobility. I still don’t know how much more weight, if any, I’ll lose, but I like feeling better and knowing I’m healthy. That’s good enough for me as long as I don’t gain any more. But if I lose more, then that’ll be a bonus.

Damn! That’s twice in less than an hour I got knocked offline. This isn’t supposed to happen anymore!

Later…

Today’s really getting to be a bit of a pisser. Half the trash didn’t empty out of the trash bin when they came to pick it up. They don’t come really early in the morning like most places cuz it’s an adult community and cuz they couldn’t get into the park at 6am anyway. The only thing we hear really early is a truck delivering the paper. I forget that some people still get the paper.

We need to start making arrangements to dump our own trash elsewhere if this shit is going to keep on happening. This is twice now. Even with us placing stuff in loosely this shit happens. The bins are just too skinny.

I’m not dropping offline like crazy like we used to but I’ve dropped off 4-5 times today! :( I’m so disappointed. I really thought it wouldn’t do this with cable, but apparently it does. Andy said he doesn’t notice his dropping off, but he’s not home as much either. He says his computer restarts every now and then, but as I explained to him, dropping offline shouldn’t cause your computer to restart. He probably just crashed or had an update come in that required a restart. I experienced that with Windows. When Mac updates it doesn’t usually restart the computer but it does prompt me to close my browser. In the meantime, I’ll have to see if Tom knows of any way we can make the connection more reliable, but I don’t think we can. This is probably pretty normal.

I really can’t wait till the posting of old journals is over. This is a project I am definitely sick of. Proofreading dozens of pages every day when I could be doing other things. Like maybe getting back into writing stories and studying languages. Too many daytime distractions for the languages as I continue to get used to being around so many people, so that’ll be a nighttime thing. As it is my fears of next door’s garage becoming a workshop are manifesting. For a few minutes, I heard what might be some kind of circular saw or sander whirring away in the garage. That’s probably the same sound I heard the other morning that I didn’t think was landscaping of any kind. I had wondered if they were having their carpet cleaned or something. Well, hopefully he won’t do this regularly, but can’t he have the decency to at least shut the garage door if he does? Better yet, can we have women for neighbors only?

THURSDAY, AUGUST 15, 2013 Why does the smoke detector go off whenever I cook certain things, like chicken wings??? I’ve had this problem everywhere I’ve lived except for our Maricopa home where we had an electronic detector instead of a battery-operated one. Someone online suggested putting a shower cap over it. After all, a real fire would never be blocked by a shower cap. Or my doggy nose.

So… what can I complain about today? Well, Hotmail (Outlook) was down a lot yesterday, and the daytime sounds around here still get annoying at times. Tom didn’t quite have it right when he said adult community living would be “like living in a cemetery,” unless it’s between 7pm - 7am. Then again, it usually goes pretty quiet here between 3pm - 5pm. Most of what I hear is landscaping and car doors. A pickup was in front of the house diagonally in front of us (I’ll call it the yellow house from now on, and the one across from us will be the gray house) with rolls of carpet in the back. They made a scattering of bumps and bangs that were a little distracting, much like the bumps and bangs you might hear in a neighboring apartment, but it’s worth it to know we have a nice big house of our own in a lovely gated community. Never again will I have to deal with pesky landlords, welfare bums, blasting music, screaming kids and tons of barking!

For years I couldn’t seem to clean smudges and streaks from mirrors and glass no matter what I used. But what should I finally discover does the trick well? The Philips glass cleaning gel that came with the TV I won years ago.

I was going to go to the pool by myself this morning, but it’s more fun to go with Tom. It’s just that the poor guy’s hardly ever home and when he is he has time to do little more than eat, sleep, shit and shower.

Passed by a couple on the way to mail Paula’s letter yesterday morning. The woman was tall and slim and may’ve been somewhat good-looking (I had the wrong glasses on so I can’t be sure) and was using hand weights as she exercised. Good idea. However, I’m not sure I want to use them on the treadmill and possibly get thrown off balance.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 14, 2013 Next door left (quietly), just before 4am. I’ve never known them to leave that early before. Hope nothing’s wrong. As in they’re about to die and be replaced with neighbors who are noisy and decide the garage would make a damn good workshop. A dark van visits them every now and then and was there yesterday.

The things I thought would be an issue, like barking and people always hanging out gabbing loudly, aren’t an issue at all. Instead, it’s the landscaping. Even Andy agrees that he not only doesn’t blame me for being pissed about the water issues here, but that yard work can be annoying, too. He said it always annoys him when the houses closest to him do that because they take so long to do it. That’s how it is here, though I don’t know why it’d take so long to do these nothing lots. I thought part of the reason for being here was so that there’d be less maintenance. It’s not like it’s 5 minutes here and 5 minutes there. It’s an hour here and an hour there and then another hour… so it adds up and gets old. Especially when I’m trying to watch vids. Winter’s Andy’s only relief from the drone of trimmers and mowers buzzing away. For me, the only relief will be the rain and that’s not a very common thing here.

Still love everything else about the place. Even the traffic seems like nothing since I started sleeping with earplugs when I’m on nights.

I miss the pool. Haven’t been there in a while. I think I’ll go first thing tomorrow morning. We’ve been having temps in the 90s, so it should be nice.

Facebook is its usual mess. Never have I seen a site so glitchy. I doubt I ever will either. The friend-invite I never sent to a guy in Ireland was accepted. I not only never sent it, but never heard of the guy. I told him this and he unfriended me.

Becky had laser surgery, Mark’s going to Ohio to visit family, and Tammy still has her good days and her bad days. She sounded fine in her last message. I know Mark is going to be dealing with his cardiologist and whatnot next month, but I’m still not sure when Tammy will undergo the transplant or how many lungs will be replaced.

Nane’s been busy but has another TR trip to look forward too, and I don’t know what the hell’s going on with Alison. I hope she’s ok. And Paula, too. She finally left a message. It’s a good thing she had one of our cell numbers after all or else I don’t know how I’d get a hold of her not knowing her new address and phone. She left a phone number for me and we talked. I always have mixed emotions for the girl, I swear! She’s annoying as hell cuz I told her not to send me anything cuz we were moving yet she did. UPS Stores don’t forward or return mail. She should’ve just left her new address in the message she left before we moved and I’d have written to her as soon as we moved in here, which was right around the time she sent stuff to our old box.

She is not only mentally slow and challenged, but she’s as crazy as ever. Not Kim/Molly kind of crazy, but she’s delusional at times. She doesn’t stalk people and she’s not dangerous (unless you’re her BF and you piss her off), but half the time she’s pretty out of it. Her memory’s shot to hell and she rambles on, interrupts and doesn’t let you get a word in edgewise, as usual, but we go way back and we’ll always be friends.

She’s now living in Granby, CT and she said no one knows where she is, not even her sons. She says they only know her number. I asked why the secrecy and all she would say was, “Because.” I wonder if recently being diagnosed with pelvic cancer has anything to do with her worsening state of mind. It’s one thing to prefer solitude, but to not even tell your kids where you moved to???

As screwed up as she is, I wish everyone I care about (besides Tom) wasn’t 3 to 6 thousand miles away. She may’ve chosen to go it alone, but it still sucks that she’s got to undergo surgery all by herself. She’s been sick due to the treatments they’ve been giving her, which make her nauseous and have caused hair loss. She said she’ll be ok, though, once they do the hysterectomy they plan to do. I hope so!

MONDAY, AUGUST 12, 2013 Today would’ve been my parents’ 64th or 65th anniversary. Instead, I hope they’re rotting in hell and that if God isn’t just as fictitious as Goldilocks and Rapunzel, He is giving them a taste of their own medicine. I know He isn’t, though. The fact that He allowed them to do what they did to my siblings and me shows He was ok with it. Therefore, He’d have no reason to punish them for it. Karma may very well be nothing more than wishful thinking; something we tell ourselves to make us feel better. But what can we really know for sure?

We had to play water games again yesterday morning. Yeah, I was kinda pissed, and I don’t care who has a problem with me saying so or who thinks I don’t see the good with the bad. We didn’t move to a luxury park just to go through this every month! One of the benefits of returning to the city (supposedly) was no longer having to deal with the problems wells tend to bring. Instead, another main broke. Well, that’s what she said when I called the office to make sure it wasn’t just us, as much as I figured it wasn’t. What’s worse is that she confirmed my suspicions by saying it happens “a lot,” like 6 or 7 times a year. So I was right in suspecting that “occasionally” really meant often when Joy mentioned it in the interview. But 6 or 7 mains break a year? That can’t be! If this happens so much, then why can’t they fix things enough to stop it from happening this often? Now I’m afraid to shower in the daytime. Fortunately, it was at the end of my day and I only had to pee twice, in which I simply closed the toilet lid and the bathroom door as well. I usually close the bathroom door anyway to help make the bedroom darker.

Still, it sucks that we have more water issues here and that I actually sleep worse here, too. Yesterday morning was quieter than I expected so I went to sleep with just the sound machine. Sure enough, a loud truck woke me up later on and so I popped in an earplug. I was fine after that. IDK, maybe I will gradually get used to sleeping here. Took me a while at first in Auburn. Despite these annoyances, I’m loving everything else about the place.

No exciting wins other than a coupon for a 6-pack of Fruit20 water. I will be getting the Golden Fire ring I won, after all. At least that’s what I was told.

I wonder if I should create a Pinterest account like I created a Twitter account for sweeping. Pinterest doesn’t run nearly as many sweeps as Twitter and especially Facebook runs, but maybe I should join. I was just never sure how that site works. You just pin things you like or want to have? Guess I should go find out.

Been getting a regular viewer of my “secret” diary from Enfield, CT, not very far from Stafford Springs where Kim lives. They even have the same provider. Could it be her? Why would she suddenly allow herself to be tracked after going out of her way not to since I dumped her?

SUNDAY, AUGUST 11, 2013 Saw 3D on our new TV for the first time ever and wow! Just wow! I didn’t expect it to be that impressive, but OMG! It was incredible. It almost made me wish we’d gotten a 96” TV, but it was still amazing on our 42”. There was a scene in a forest with bugs flying about. You’d swear the bugs were flying around the room! Some of the plant leaves appeared to extend out of the screen, too. A person was running toward the camera, stopped suddenly and kicked up dirt that you’d swear was going to be flung right at you.

I’m definitely looking forward to watching TV instead of reading or listening to music while on the treadmill. The only problem is I can’t hear much dialogue unless I blast it, so wireless headphones are a must. Even standing in the middle of the room and with a TV this big, it seems a million miles away.

In last night’s dream, I was walking down one of the streets here when some lady pulled up and asked, “How’s your monster?”

I looked at her confused and said, “My monster? What monster?”

“Your house, silly!”

“Oh,” I said, “it’s fine. Very spacious. 1550 square feet.”

“1550?” she goes. “Lady, your monster is 1800 square feet.”

Funny cuz that’s what the Italian lady at the pool said. I doubt it’s that big, but it’s definitely not 1300.

Tom and I talked about the various ways we may arrange the cavernous living room. It’s almost too big, but then again so is most of the place, LOL. The master bath is as big as the trailer bedroom was. We still have tons of empty drawers, cabinets and closet space. We could never even use most of the counter space we’ve got in here. My desk is in the corner of the living room and when I turn to look at the opposite wall behind me it seems so, so far away. Even the windows are a place one could get lost in.

Tom wants to get one of those flying toy helicopters to play with in the living room where the cathedral ceilings are. Better turn the ceiling fan off first, LOL.

Only one wake-up call last time around. Tom still thinks I’ll adapt. I still think I’m the lightest sleeper in the world and I don’t know why. Why can so many people sleep through so much shit without sound machines while I can’t sleep through shit with sound machines???

At barely a quarter to 5am the first of the loud vehicles started up, but then it went quiet again and I remembered it was Saturday. Come Monday, though, and the trucks will be back to coming and going every few minutes. But that’s just life in a big and busy park.

Still getting familiar with the Atkin’s diet and slowly eliminating processed foods and other no-nos like bread and some starchy foods that the diet doesn’t allow. I’m not always sure how to tell if something’s been processed or not, though I know I can’t have any battered or breaded meats. I just learned that those meatballs I’ve been having are not acceptable cuz they’ve got fillers. Same with things like hot dogs. Cheeses are acceptable but not cottage cheese. I’m just trying to up my activity levels and keep all the numbers (carbs/cals/fat/sugars) low except for the protein count and not make this diet any more complicated than it already seems.

I feel bad for a friend of mine who recently started blogging and is getting spammed, bullied, critiqued, judged and ridiculed in every sense of the word. I have tried to convince her to just ignore this shit and to disable comments, but she doesn’t want to block those with kind, positive and interesting things to say. I can relate! I’ve had to deal with every spammer, scammer and joker imaginable. That’s why I disable comments where I can and ignore messages where I can’t, though people are welcome to contact me on Facebook or Ask.

There will always be people who want to control and change us and who think they know us and how we “should” be when in fact they don’t know shit. Instead, they make false judgments, twist our words, or say we said things we never said. You just can’t make some people get things they’re just too stupid to get (or maybe don’t want to get). An observation is NOT always a complaint. People who complain don’t necessarily LIKE to complain but merely aren’t afraid to address the negatives in life as well as the positives. Those who see bad DO see good as well. Those proud of their accomplishments do NOT necessarily think they’re better than others. Those who may have unique experiences to tell are NOT always liars. Those who choose not to give so freely are NOT always selfish. Those who aren’t fans of God HAVE A RIGHT to follow their heart/beliefs. Just because someone does something you don’t do does NOT mean they’re bad, it just means they’re different than you.

But as I told my friend, people are always going to have a problem with anything you may say, think, believe, wear or do. For every person that agrees that honey goes well in tea or who doesn’t give a shit that I may say so, someone else will be quick to insist I’m evil for saying and thinking such a thing.

It’s a waste trying to reason with, defend or explain yourself to some folks, I also told her, because once they’ve made up their minds to believe a particular thing, nothing’s going to change that. Some people are just set in their ways and they don’t always want to hear the facts. Instead, they feel it’s their duty to try to get you to be how they think you should be, and they seem to like to take undue credit for influencing you in directions they never really influenced you in. So any attempts to try to talk some sense into them and to get them to see what’s really true vs. what’s not is often like talking to the walls. No matter how hard you try to slap some people into reality, it’s a place many refuse to ever visit! As I would tell any writer, though, don’t let it stop you from expressing yourself! Those who judge are often miserable people. If others who choose to read our stuff on their own free will can’t handle it, well, that’s THEIR problem. So why make it ours? Just the fact that some trolls choose to remain anonymous and won’t even identify themselves (honestly) is usually enough to tell you something right there.

Later…

I dyed a crème colored blanket and a white shirt dark purple. Only the shirt came out dark purple, though. The blanket is pale pink. Maybe I should’ve gotten turquoise or lemon-yellow dye.

Last night I was shocked to have gotten knocked offline twice. The second time might’ve been because my computer crashed and not because the connection dropped. This is the second crash in half a year. Tom and I wonder if the new Firefox browser is to blame for it.

What sucks more is how much “high speed” internet really isn’t all that high speed. It’s great to be able to stream music and videos and to really have cut-outs, but most of the sites I go to are at the same speed they were in Auburn. Today’s overloaded servers make things way slower than when I first started sweeping in ’05. I’d “Shazam” by the 50s, but now I can only Shazam open 15 sweeps at a time in my My Sweeps section and that alone takes 5 times longer than it would’ve taken when cable was fairly new.

I emailed the guy running the Glyteratti sweep to let him know the free Golden Fire ring worth $55 I was supposed to get for ordering within 48 hours wasn’t included with the necklace I won. Or that I won $20 off of. Then I got some lame reply about how it looks like there were some issues with the previous email they sent. In other words, they never intended to send the ring. Oh well. I probably couldn’t have gotten the $55 it was supposedly worth anyway, since everyone wants something for nothing. If I had to start all over again, though, I would forfeit this win. The necklace is ok, but was it really worth the $22 we paid for it?

Had a dream last night that hopefully means Tom will soon be getting another raise at work. I don’t know where the hell we were going or what it was, but we were about to sell mass quantities of something.

“Will we get rich off this?” I asked him in the dream.

“Not rich, but we’ll be pretty well off.”

Well, we’re pretty well off in reality, but the more the merrier. You can never be well off enough, as I learned the hard way.

I also had a dream where I felt two huge lumps on the sides of each of my breasts, something that couldn’t suddenly just happen. The odds of both breasts in the same spots aren’t realistic either. I didn’t seem worried about it in the dream and wrote it off to the little lumps of fluid that we often get during PMS, which is why we get sore there.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 10, 2013 Sure enough, “No one” completely ignored my request that she not contact me again and sent me her usual complisults. She might not have received it, but chances are she’s simply ignoring it just like she’s ignoring the fact that just because I may have things to complain about doesn’t mean I don’t see the good I’ve got going for me. Maybe she just doesn’t want to see it any more than the fact that I really don’t care to hear from her. I haven’t responded to her message. Hopefully, she’ll think – or at least wonder – if I bothered to pick it up since I said I wouldn’t read anything from her.

I don’t know why she feels so compelled to get me to “see” that I complain. Does she think it’s her duty or something?

“you seem to love to wallow in the bad as opposed to the good that does happen, as you’ve said yourself.”

I never said that. I never said I “love” to wallow in bad things; I said I wasn’t afraid to address the bad in my life.

“Finding balance is hard when you’re slipping off the edge. Hope you get some sleep.”

What edge?

"You really are whimsical with words. I think that’s why I’ve continued to read, even though your pessimistic outlook grates on me like nails on a chalkboard…and if nothing else, I’ve at least made you aware of just how much you complain. Look. I know most of us end up with shitty deals in the card game of life. I know you, especially, have dealt with some crazy ass shit in your life. However, focusing on it, feeding it, nurturing it with your attention is just a surefire way to keep it hanging around. It’s like throwing emotional chum in the ocean of life and expecting the shark of shit to NOT come swimmin’ on by. I’m sorry if my words were harsh or sharp. I simply wanted to point out that despite your wonderful husband, beautiful big new home, and a thriving imagination (which is really the secret to a great life), you seem to love to wallow in the bad as opposed to the good that does happen, as you’ve said yourself. I obviously don’t expect your entries to be 100% fluff and bullshit sunshine, but it frustrates me that you can’t see the good all around you, and that you spend so much of you creative energy complaining about mundane, everyday, we-all-deal-with-this-shit stuff. Sorry. Didn’t mean to ramble. I just wanted to clarify a bit. And really, I’m glad you’re paying more attention to the negativity you put forth. Finding balance is hard when you’re slipping off the edge. Hope you get some sleep."

Heard from my textbook stalker again, too. The one that once sent me text they copied from a psych book on sociopaths and narcissistic behavior. It’s from the book Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by Dr. Robert D. Hare, Ph.D.

In between a numbered list of behavioral traits are notes this doctor has supposedly added, but I believe the sender edited some of it, like with this next paragraph.

"In addition to the above two lists of traits, the biggest trait (or magic trick as I like to call it) that makes narcissistic sociopaths so dangerous and effective is their ability to go unnoticed by the rest of us or society. They can do this, because they are good at pretending (lying) and wearing many,many masks (again, lying). Simply put, they lie to themselves and everyone else. They lie so much that some of them are convinced of their own lies, and even try to live them out, which is where evil is born."

The start of this paragraph may be the doctor’s words, but “many,many masks?” And without a space between the words many? It’s also hard to believe a doctor would use the words, “which is where evil is born.”

At the end is a section that says, "This type of person will tell you things to get you to forgive them and then say they never said that. While they are really still secretly carrying on one of their hidden manipulations, because they know they have this secret hidden hatred towards you. This is a tactic to play mind games with their victims."

This too, doesn’t sound like the words of a doctor. But who could it be??? I’m totally stumped on this one and I realize it could be anyone. ANYONE. I thought of sharing it with Alison, and then I quickly stopped myself. I just can’t always know who’s really friend, foe or random joker, even if I sure think I do. Even if there’s only half a percent chance someone close to me is behind it, that half a percent is still there. Looming over my head like a storm cloud. And so this too, will be kept private.

It came in at 12:30 am my time. Andy was up at this time because I’d just run into him on Facebook. Maliheh’s known to be up that late, but 3:30 am may be a bit late for Kim.

If the sender did add in the thing about the trying to get people to forgive them while having a secret hidden hatred, why? Who would customize such a thing? The only ones I’ve asked to forgive me in the past were Andy and Maliheh. Kim the nurse, sort of, but I received the first copy of this before I friended her. Would Andy or Maliheh think I did/do secretly hate them? Maliheh may just say that cuz I dumped her in the end (though technically she dumped me first), but if this is Andy’s work, then wow, his trust issues run deeper than I realized. I don’t think it is, though.

I still wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if it were connected to Kim, Molly or Kathy, but again, I realize it could be anyone – Dorene, Maliheh, Andy, Alison, the sickos in Arizona, Adonis, etc.

The message was sent from SociopathsCanNeverLetThingsGo@ndContinueToReliveEverythingAsPartOfManipulationFactors.com

So it is someone I’ve mentioned in either present or past entries that doesn’t like being mentioned? Clearly, this is someone harboring a lot of hatred for me. I just can’t believe this is a random joker. No, it’s someone with a grudge against me. Mary? But I didn’t try to get her to forgive me for anything because I never did anything wrong to her.

If it’s someone who’s sick in the head like Kim or Molly, then there’s no rationalizing or making sense of their words. In their minds, they could really believe I tried to get them to forgive me for something. It doesn’t seem like anything the trolls would take the time to copy and paste, but I wouldn’t put it past Kathy or someone connected to Molly. Really wish I’d saved the first “textbook” message so I could compare the two.

Also, what am I “reliving” and what am I trying to “manipulate?” Every time I think I’ve found a reason why a certain person may’ve sent it to me, I find a reason to think they didn’t. I can’t believe Dorene would read my diary, but this is something she would send. Also, if the sender added anything in, they write fairly well.

The person clearly thinks I can’t let things go and am out to play mind games. I haven’t mentioned Kathy and haven’t been contacted that I know of by her and her people in a while, so it doesn’t make sense that it’s her as much as it does.

The black bitch wouldn’t want to leave a trail from her computer to any accounts I use, of course, but I don’t doubt for a minute she’d get her friends after me. That’s what she did in Arizona with the notes and calls. Well, I’ve certainly been posting shit about my days of her tormenting me, but if the part about forgiving was truly added, she’s the last person I ever tried to seek forgiveness from because I’m about as innocent of any wrongdoing to her as my rats are. I also haven’t contacted her in nearly two years, so no one can say I’m trying to fuck with her in any way.

I suppose that in time if I keep refusing to mention them or give them a reaction in any way, they’ll either get sick of me or they’ll get more determined to get my attention, even if it may mean identifying themselves.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 9, 2013 Got less than an hour before I enter the sweeps that came in on the 9th. No win notices today, but you don’t get many at this time of month anyway.

I’m struggling to catch up on things, but lately there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in a day. I haven’t been to my old Ask account in days. Once this damn proofreading and posting of old journals are done, that will free up some time. Maybe then I’ll get back to my story writing.

I’m happy in the head, but yucky in the rest of me right now. Where my PMS is usually a 6 or 7 as far as how bad it is, this one’s a 10. My back aches like hell and for the first time ever pain relievers are worthless.

The fucking trucks in back still wake me up at times, too. Most of them are park workers, the rest are a combination of delivery and service trucks. We also hear daily yard work. Still, the amount of noise you hear here is reasonable for the number of people whereas the amount of noise we heard in Auburn was not at all reasonable for just one person. Instead of hearing the same few sounds that go on and on for hours at a time, now it’s more like many sounds that don’t last long. Despite any annoyances here, it’s WONDERFUL knowing I’ll NEVER again have to listen to barking for 10 minutes a day let alone for 10 hours like would be the case before Jesse stopped working and before he got a roommate to shut the mutts up on Go Out and Get Laid Nights. It is also WONDERFUL to know I can crash in the mornings when I’m on nights and not have to worry about him coming down to pester me, even if the traffic sort of helps make up for it. But I don’t have to go to the door and acknowledge anyone in any way. Things can happen on OUR time and when WE say they will unless it was an emergency. Yes!

It’s dead quiet at night here, but for daytime sleeping, I’m going to add foam earplugs to the sound machine. I’m sure they’ll do the trick and I don’t mind wearing them. Wax plugs work better but only if I’m sitting upright. I can’t get a good seal when I lay on my ear.

I only had one bad dream, which was a little sad and scary. I was living in a cottage-like house with 5 or 6 other women. It was almost like I was young again and they were some of my VH sisters, though it was in modern times. A vicious storm erupted and someone came in a van to bring us to safer ground since we were out in the woods. It almost looked like Jesse’s place. Anyway, I got into the van, placed my purse on the seat and then ran back into the cottage to pee. When I came out of the bathroom I saw that everyone had left without me.

I tried not to panic as the storm worsened and I realized I could be left without power for days and maybe run out of food and freeze to death. I dropped to my knees and prayed to God to back the storm off and let my purse safely find its way back to me, untouched. Instead, the storm grew even more fierce and I fell asleep. When I awoke I ran to a laptop that was set up to check the weather before the power could go out, but on my way, a strange light outside caught my attention. I peered through the blinds hoping to hell they were the headlights of someone coming to pick me up, but instead, I saw that it was just tons of lightning. I woke up as the rain beat on the window and blurred my vision of the outdoors.

We got the TV mounted. The bracket’s super long screws would go right through the thin little walls of Jesse’s place, LOL. We discussed possible ways to set up the living room. Meanwhile, tomorrow marks one wonderful month at LV!

THURSDAY, AUGUST 8, 2013 Had a long, productive and fun day, even if an hour of it was spent in the dentist’s chair. Shannon took x-rays and we made small talk along the way. She too, moved to Citrus Heights recently. She was amazed to learn I’m 47. She thought I was 37 (that’s what the realtor thought). She said my skin is in excellent condition and I have no wrinkles at all.

“That’s cuz I’m fat,” I said, and she cracked up laughing. I also told her I recently started the Atkin’s diet. Turns out she was once on that too, and got really slim on it. The diet focuses more on low carbs than low cals cuz when we have more carbs, more of them get stored as fat. I still have to watch my calorie intake, though. Unfortunately, it can’t be over 1000 a day, but having more protein, another thing Atkins stresses, helps reduce cravings and keeps you fuller longer. I’m still having some frozen/processed foods, but not as much. Then again, I’m not having as much of anything.

Dr. H came in at that time and said, “You look beautiful today.” That was a nice compliment even to one who cares more about health than looks these days. The doctor and the rest of the staff are super nice.

I told them I’m back to winning again and asked Dr. H if she’d been to my blog (I gave her the link during my last visit along with my win list which she was curious about) She said she had and mentioned me being famous. LOL

I don’t know how often she follows me, so I’ll be careful what I say in public, even if it’s all positive things anyway. Like I said, they’re very friendly and they do a great job. Today I had just a cleaning and she got all the nasty build-up off my lower i-teeth. This was caused by the permanent retainer that’s cemented in back there. For many years I wasn’t able to get to a dentist so they got neglected badly.

Gotta go back on the 20th unless one of our schedules prevents it. This appointment I’m not exactly looking forward to. I’m not a fan of Novocain and deafening drills stuck in my mouth for what seems like forever, but I have two teeth that need work. One needs a filling and the other needs a crown. It’s something like $800 worth of work but we’ll only pay $200 of it. Fortunately, my wonderful, patient, loving and understanding hubby can make that in about a day.

They even scheduled my next cleaning for February, which will be around the time of my next eye exam, another thing I’m not looking forward to. I worry the doctor’s going to tell me my OH is still hanging around. If it is, that could mean bad news for me in the future, especially if it’s worse. Torturous treatments may one day be necessary to keep me from going blind. Gosh, I hope not!

After the dentist, we got a basic membership at our local Sam’s Club and picked up a new 42” Vizio TV and some Crest Whitening strips. They taste like peroxide, but that’s pretty much what they are. I also got a new wind chime to put in front. It hangs off the awning.

Things are still going well here and we’re getting more and more done around the place a little at a time. I just wish there was less yardwork going on. They were so loud across the street when I got up that it could easily be heard in back of the house. I thought it was next door at first. Tom said the guy had been at it for over an hour. Over an hour to do that little lot?!

I wasn’t too tired today, and again I slept well and didn’t have any nightmares. It’s going to be nice being able to take a break from alarms for a while and just let my body get as much sleep as it needs.

I have sooo much to do tonight! Gotta get this posted, get sweeping, and much more. Oh, and if you’re a Facebook friend of mine, I’m not checking the news feed as thoroughly as I once did. Too much spam to weed through and not as much free time. So if there’s something you really want me to see, be sure to let me know or post it to my wall.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 6, 2013 Waking up to find my third win in two days helped brighten my foul mood. I won a $20 Glytterati Gift Certificate plus a free Golden Fire ring worth $55. I’ve narrowed my choices down to 3 pendants.

Other than this I’ve been having a real pisser of a day. Sorry, “No one,” but I must, must, must do nothing but bitch during the rest of this entry. :)

Barely 5 hours into my sleep a loud truck woke me up and it took me an hour and a half to fall back asleep. I also ended up sleeping an hour later than I’d have liked to.

I don’t understand all this traffic we got going in back here. And it’s not like they can just breeze on by either, cuz there’s a speed bump back there. Why so many loud trucks? We’re in a retirement community, for God’s sake, so where are all these large vehicles going? I thought car doors and landscaping would interfere with my sleep at times, not loud UPS-type trucks. I had even turned the sound machine up louder too, yet I could hear the rumbling over it. It’s like being back on a busy street minus the loud car stereos.

If I could only sleep at night every night!!! I could try to “justify” God siccing this sleep disorder on me and telling myself that He only gave it to me to keep me from working outside of the house, cuz if I had been lucky enough to be out there working with everyone else, a disgruntled employee would’ve come in one day and gunned me and everyone else down. Yeah, that’s the only reason He gave this to me. rolls eyes He’s just looking out for me, right? Well, others are welcome to believe what they want to believe, but I feel I would only be kidding myself if I truly believed that. Yeah, sometimes something up there may truly look out for us, but other times its intentions are solely to harm, curse and punish. I know this is a scary pill for most to swallow, but I’m only going by my own personal experience. Not everything that happens to us is for the better. What justifies the killing of innocent children? I think things may be meant to be and they may happen for a reason, but can all of them be for a good one?

I also realize we can’t help our beliefs and that while things may happen to influence them, our beliefs aren’t usually something we can pick and choose any more than we can pick what colors and flavors we like.

To make matters worse, I kept waking up a million times either just because or due to bad/weird dreams. The scariest was learning that the crazy terrorists attacked most of Europe and my first thought was, “Nane!”

There were other weird dreams like waking up in the master bedroom of the second house I grew up in back east to a loud thump. My dream self feared someone had broken in but was too tired to go investigate.

Something must’ve happened to Tom in one dream because my sister took me in after we sold this place, and I worried about what I would do when I could no longer hold my schedule on days and the money from the house ran out. Tammy tried to assure me that I could get a home job that could be done at any time of night or day.

Anyway, this is a definite, definite curse from above that makes life very hard. Really, it takes a lot of hate to sic this on someone, though I know it’s better than being blind or paralyzed.

So tired, cranky old me gets up to face a day of insatiable PMS hunger that only us women can understand. Then she gets to listen to the annoying buzz of landscaping. I wish they’d designate all landscaping projects to just one day of the week only. That way we could know we’d have the rest of the week to live in peace other than traffic noise. Tom said he could hear it when he was out watering and said it was a super loud edger that was actually coming from a block away. Wow, I’m glad that thing doesn’t live right next to us!

When I found a notice on our door yesterday I was like, oh no, now what? Well, they have cleanup days 3 times a year. This is when they pick up not trash or recyclables but things like old furniture and appliances and things like that.

Tom thinks I’m just having trouble sleeping now due to the stress of trying to hold my schedule for my Thursday dentist appointment and having PMS. I hope he’s right. He usually is. After all, I usually sleep just fine here. Only the first few days was it hard, but that’s to be expected in a new place. Just wish there wasn’t as much traffic, but had we been on a dead-end God would’ve made sure next door DID have an edger as loud as the one a block away. He really would, No one, He really would.

Later…

I chose the pink stacked garden butterfly necklace with the discount I won, and will probably flip the free ring that comes with it.

Slept better last night and wasn’t plagued with nightmares or anything like that. I can still hear the loud trucks rumbling by over the sound machine, which is the only real negative to the place. By late afternoon, though, it’s dead quiet. Most of the loud vehicles pass by in back in the mornings. Other than scattered yard work, you don’t hear much here.

I’m now down 5.2 pounds and am looking forward to getting my dentist appointment out of the way tomorrow. After that, we’re going to pick up a new 42” TV that’s more compatible than the 32” one I won in 2008. That one was worth a grand at the time, but the TV Tom likes is half that.

Maybe I’ll also find a wind chime I like for hanging in front.

Having high-speed Internet has been both wonderful and disappointing. It’s great that we can stream so much easier without having to wait for things to buffer, and it’s great not having the connection cut in and out and in and out, but many sites are disappointingly slow due to a combination of slow servers and ads. It used to be that the ads were built into the site, but now the ad hosts have to call up other sites when you access them and that helps to slow things down more than it used to when we last had cable in 2005.

MONDAY, AUGUST 5, 2013 Day 1 of sweeping and I’m already a winner. They’re small wins, but they’re WINS! A coupon for a ThermaCare product, and some Brew Over Ice samplers/tumblers. I’ve already won an ARV of over $20. Someday it will be thousands!

Up in Auburn where we used to live was a place with tons of dumpsters set up to take cardboard. We’ve got so damn much of it Tom said it just may be worth the half-hour drive to get rid of it since there’s only so much we can throw in the recycle bin, which only gets picked up every other week.

I joked about him egging the Harley while he was at it, or maybe going up to the house and asking if he got the rent ok, and just totally playing with his head, LOL. When the Jes pest goes, “But you moved!” we could be like, “No, we didn’t.”

Tom thought it would be even funnier (if Maryann’s already picked up the shed) to go up there saying, “Someone stole our shed!” haha

I had just turned my head when the rats knocked over the pail by my desk. They were pulling out tea bags, tissues, and napkins and sifting through the goodies when I scolded them away. They ran behind the drapes for a few minutes, LOL.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 4, 2013 Slept well enough and didn’t wake up nearly as tired as I expected to. I’ve also lost a total of 4 pounds. I was sure to load up on protein, fruits and veggies this week, which is what Atkin’s calls for. I did get some processed and packaged foods, but not much.

Had a dream Tom was laid off and that’s a scary dream to be having if you’re like me. Tom says it’s so unlikely with all the OT. Also, they’ve been bringing back people they’ve laid off, not letting people go. Still, I don’t need to be having these dreams. You don’t need to be rich to live here but you sure as hell couldn’t live here on minimum wage either.

Went to the pool again yesterday and saw that the clubhouse and pool parking lots were packed. I thought, wow, the pool sure is crowded today! After all, it was in the 90s and on a Saturday. But once we stepped out of the car we could hear some boring country music spilling out of the clubhouse. Just one person was by the pool sunbathing, and I wondered why so many people would rather be indoors listening to that crap than out there enjoying the pool and sunshine, even if the sun isn’t as healthy as many people think it is just because it feels good and gives us a tan (or a sunburn in my case).

The sunbather wasn’t close by, and not having my bifocals, I thought it was Joy at first. Then I thought it a bit strange that Joy would be off sunning by herself, especially with an event going on. I then thought it was the Italian hottie across from us, but when she got up when we were finishing up with our swim about 15-20 minutes later, we saw that she was Italian (and even admitted this when I complimented her tan), but not the hottie. The hottie’s a little taller and slimmer. Turns out she looked at this house a year ago and while she loved it, she got a really good deal on another place.

So much for thinking the swim would perk me up. Instead, I came back so drained from the sun itself that I had to fight to keep from taking a nap and screwing my schedule up even more. Sure enough, though, it wasn’t till after dark that I perked up. One thing to help that is that this professional sweeper went back to sweeping! Yeah, I was a pro sweeper who once won thousands of dollars in cash and prizes. It paid the equivalent of a part-time job, and then the economy soured and I had to hang it up a while. I don’t know if I can win like I used to due to all the competition out there these days, but we’ll soon find out.

Tom got our wireless color laser printer up and running again, connected the Kindle to the Internet, and now he’s going through the storeroom. In rearranging it and going through what things they left behind while working his stuff in, he learned that the guy who lived here was a financial planner. He also smoked pipes since he found a cigar box with pipes in it, along with some handy tools. He just said he thinks he may be able to use my old desk in there, and I’m glad the white pickup that parks in front of the house next door doesn’t live next door. It’s kind of loud. Almost Jesse kind of loud, but at least he doesn’t sit there gunning it for 10-20 minutes like the Jes pest would.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 3, 2013 It’s getting harder and harder to get up, though my appointment isn’t until Thursday. Wish I was one who could fall asleep earlier to make up for lost sleep, but that almost never works for me. I considered skipping the alarm tomorrow and just letting my body catch up and get all the sleep it needs, but that would only make it even harder the next day. Ugh! So frustrating. Half the time I do fine with 8 hours, but the other half I need 9 or 10, which makes it even harder. I’ll probably crash tonight around 4am and need to sleep till around 2pm, but I really should be up no later than noon. I can’t have my schedule jumping ahead that fast this soon. I’m usually ok once I’ve been up an hour, but I’m still feeling fuzzy-headed right now.

The intense hunger pangs don’t help, but I’ve lost 3 ½ pounds so far, so it’s worth it. I can already see and feel a difference because I’m so short. One won’t usually lose much weight if they don’t cut calories, especially older women, so it’s either be hungry or be fat. I don’t mind being fat from an appearance standpoint. I have a husband and good friends that would love me no matter what, so I don’t give a shit about looking fat. I’m not young and looking to date either. It’s when it starts affecting my mobility and overall health that I draw the line. We’re supposed to have extra weight when we’re older, though, so it’s going to get harder and harder. If I think of this endeavor as a whole I’ll go out of my mind, LOL, so I’m just taking the one-day-at-a-time attitude.

yawns Between the lack of sleep and food I’m rather tired today, but with my shit luck, I’ll be wide awake later on and wishing I could fall asleep a couple of hours early.

Other than lost sleep and hardcore dieting, things are great. Tom and I took a dip in the pool after work yesterday and it was so nice even though the water was cooler than I’d ever felt it to be. We had a couple of days where it dipped down into the 80s. A couple of women were sitting on pool noodles chatting, but they didn’t speak to us. One was in her 50s and the other was in her 60s, from the looks of it.

Even though we weren’t there long, we got a little burn. After our swim, we headed toward a nearby green area with a bridge over where the gully runs. I’m not looking forward to it being cold, cloudy and rainy, but I do miss the rain. It’s just so rare here, especially from May to October.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 2, 2013 How interesting it is to be friended by Ellen, daughter of the former Valleyhead owners who was a living hell for me and many others before the FBI finally shut the “school” down in the ‘90s. Never had any problems with Ellen, though, and I don’t know much about her other than that she’s a lesbian. We have a few mutual friends, which is how she was able to add me, but why now? Someone in her area visited my blog, so I wonder if it has to do with that. Let me guess, she friended me in hopes of getting my VH bashings out of public much like Maliheh friended me to keep her name out of my book. God knows people can’t just ask, right? Then again, only she knows why she friended me and maybe it’s not under false pretenses at all. Time will tell.

It’s been a very quiet day save for the garbage truck going through. Sorry, “No one,” that I don’t have complaints to fill this entry with.”

Then again, I kinda do. These trash cans are too damn skinny! Even one bag can get stuck in it and that’s what happened to us last week. After I spilled a full trash bag into it, took the bag back inside to dump the rats’ bedding in it, then took it back out and loosely added that as well, it was already ¾ full. We still have their trash to get rid of us as well like old rags, wicker baskets, broken lamps, etc.

Came down 2 pounds thanks to yesterday’s near-crash diet at just 700 calories, excluding drinks. It was tough, hunger and fatigue-wise. But can I do it over and over again till I get 40 or so pounds off of me? I have my doubts but I sure am going to try my best. A doctor may find my thyroid is a bit off, yes, but only I can help myself. Not any fantasy angel, magical fairy, mythical God, magic pill, amazing person… just me. So that means more exercise and less food. I’m not going crazy with the exercise, though, cuz that would make me hungrier. I’m doing just enough to keep active and strong. Believe it or not, I still do have a lot of muscle buried underneath all this fat. Going swimming with Tom when he gets in from work, so that will give me some exercise right there.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 1, 2013 Sure enough, the longer we’re here, the more I hear. I guess one of the houses across the street recently sold, according to the newsletter that was delivered yesterday, and so there have been some service trucks doing whatever around the place. I could see that one of them was an electrician.

Then the guy next door started with the blower, and well, sometimes I wish the mornings were a little quieter. What’s important is that it’s nothing that could override the sound machine and wake me up and that we no longer have to deal with pesky landlords.

I was a bit worried for a minute when I read the newsletter and saw that they were to be grinding streets one day, paving them the next, then striping them the next day. I was like, what are we, back with the Jes pest and all his annoying projects? But then I saw it wasn’t the whole park they were going to be doing in a couple of weeks, but just one street.

Chatted with my overseas hottie and now Tom should be home anytime now.

I have found that cutting back on food is much like when I’d try to cut back on smoking many years ago. It doesn’t last long. You either smoke or you don’t. So now I’m applying the same attitude towards eating. I know it will stunt my metabolism even more, but sometimes the healthier route fails to work and then we resort to the unhealthier route. The hunger and fatigue is a killer, though I did have a drinkable kiddy yogurt a while ago.

I love that I can turn my head and see this beautiful pink rose bush right outside the window. I just wish the bushes in front were a little higher as that would add privacy.

Now someone’s working on something across the side street. :( And I thought I escaped the hammers and the saws forever. Goes to show that if you’re me, the past will always return to haunt you. :(

Later…

What’s with the hypocrisy tonight? I get messages from this woman from time to time and every single one of them has been to complain about something I wrote in my own blog. What, does she think it’s her duty to critique and judge me? Tonight she’s complaining that I complain too much, thus being guilty of the exact same thing. Never does she point out the many positive things I’ve had to say, though she did say I was a good writer. Yeah, well, that’s very nice of her but if she doesn’t like what I have to say, then maybe she needs to go read someone else’s blog. It’s fine that not everyone agrees with me and all that, but no one has a right to judge me or try to change me. If I want to change something about myself it will be for me and me only. Not for society, not for any group, not for any person, and not to be “normal.” Also, just because I may point out a service truck doing something that was a bit distracting doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a complaint but just an observation I’m making. Still, I make NO apologies for how I am. “Never apologize for being you,” someone advised me years ago and that was the best advice I was ever given. I realize I may say, think, feel, believe and do things that some would consider different or just downright wrong, but I’m me. Period. And I’m not about to apologize for being who I am! :)

Regardless of how others perceive my words, the place went dead quiet after 3pm like it usually does. It’s so wonderful and peaceful other than the usual landscaping sounds you’d expect to hear in a nice neighborhood during the morning.

Andy recommended I get weekly massages cuz I sometimes have backaches, but nah. I’d only like them when I was sore and it’s not really a high priority. I’d rather save half our money and put the other half toward the house. Tom agrees though we’ll use a little of it for fun here and there. Other than nail polish and perfume, I’m not like most women who are into all kinds of things like massages, clothes, fine dining and other luxuries in life. I’m more of a simple person. I also couldn’t guarantee I’d be awake or not busy doing other things at the time of the massage. He cracks me up, though, “A hot woman rubbing my back.” But what if it was a guy?

Anyway, I look around me and I can’t believe all this is ours! I could go on and on about the wonderful points of both the house and park, but then I’d be writing till my fingers felt like they were going to break off. No, it’s not perfect any more than any other place, but it’s pretty damn close compared to how we were living before. We lived so poorly for so long that this is all the more appreciated and wonderful to us.

I try not to think of that old saying about how all good things come to an end. I don’t know why but I still get the nagging feeling that something up there did not want us to have this place. Something a lot more powerful than I’ll ever be. And sometimes I worry about being “punished” for it, especially me. If money isn’t a convenient weapon to use against us with how much he’s making at his job and what I’m generating online, I worry it – whatever “it” is – may go after my health instead. Well, the funny thing is that my feet and ankles are still swollen. I think it’s cuz I’ve been more active since getting out of that cramped old trailer, though, and that nothing serious is going on. I hope not anyway. I’ll get checked out after I finish dealing with the dentist.

If anything there have been positive changes. My schedule isn’t rolling as fast and I’m having fewer days/nights of being up 18 hours, which made it much harder to stop it from rolling. I always did say that if my schedule miraculously held steady or they came up with a cure for this thing, then with my shit luck it would be when I was too old to work. After all, I always believed I was given the damn disorder to keep me from being able to double our income. Better later than never but right now I don’t see how it could change for the better that much.

[intelligentnaughtygirls]

casually remembering a small plot i had on the brain a few years back for Papaya, but never got around to writing. if it interests you, feel free to steal it for your own OC’s. the main character is a robot, and their battery is low. Somehow they’ve found themselves in a situation where any internal power generator is broken down, they can’t recharge, and there is no power for miles around. they are effectively stranded in the wilderness, dependent on artificial machinery to stay alive. Then they stumble across a sign of hope. A solar panel, a wind generator, maybe a dam or a nuclear power plant, it doesn’t matters. what matters is that it produces power.  Power your robot can use to stay alive long enough to get home. But there’s a problem. The power source doesn’t produce a lot of power all at once. maybe it’s inefficient, maybe it’s broken slightly, or maybe there’s just too much of it being drained. Because as it turns out, yours is not the only robot to find themselves in this situation. There are dozens, maybe even low hundreds of other robots of all varieties here, all somewhat broken, worn out, and reliant on this power source just to stay alive another day. These can range from advanced and intelligent robots like yours, to the most basic roomba that one can argue isn’t even really alive, but is somehow here nonetheless. A wide spectrum of different artificial lifeforms, all conglomerated into this one spot they have no right being in. Somehow, this oasis of power in a desert of wilderness, has lured in and entrapped multiple different artificial lifeforms, but no organic ones. Perhaps the location isn’t fit for organic life, perhaps a desert or a wasteland. Are the robots being drawn here by some larger force? or is it just random chance and an urge to stay alive that bring them all here? Personally, i prefer the latter. After meeting with the other robots, your robot learns the situation. There’s enough power to keep almost everyone alive, but the more mechanical entities that show up, the less power there is to go around. There’s likely been some degree of infighting amongst them. Robots tearing into one another to get their power reserves, or cannibalizing one another to fix their own broken systems as they slowly rust away. Many robots may be a mis-match of different parts, burrowed, gifted, or stolen from those who didn’t make it. Some machines may set themselves into extended sleep modes to conserve power, waking up every few weeks just to get the bare minimum to survive. The problem with this place is that it’s like a trap. if you stay here, you will stay alive, but you can’t leave. if you try to leave, you won’t have enough power to get anywhere else... Not on the small rations you’re getting at least. Your robot now faces a problem. If the power source could just feed them for long enough, your robot would be able to store enough power to return home. but that’s never going to happen with all these other robots around. The only way your robot is going to live, is if most, if not all of the other machines die. So what does your robot do? Do they try and scrap the other machines to restore power and get home? Perhaps argue that some of the less self-aware machines should be turned off to better sustain the more advanced models to help them come up with a more permanent solution? Ally themselves with a small group who believes that with a small enough team, multiple machines could escape by wiping out the others and distributing the power between them? Perhaps attempt to fix or upgrade the power source to some variety? would it even be enough to get everyone out? The could call for help, but who’s to say their rescue won’t be just another machine who gets shot down, or someone who sees the oasis as a personal scrapyard to make a profit from? Give your robot some time to ponder these solutions. let them fight against their morals of right and wrong, let their plans fumble and fall to dust. Let them make hard choices they may regret for years to come. How would they fair in this scenario?

[zero-to-zero-to-zero-again]

Pest Problem (1)

Word Count: 496

Tw: Foul language, threats of violence

Just a silly little snippet to see if mcyt g/t Tumblr is still alive

Ranboo wished he could say he was surprised to see the tiny person sitting on top of his fridge. He missed the days when the sight of a being no larger than his middle finger was one that would fill him with awe. After being subjected to the presence of this particular person for a little less than a month, the only thing he felt was a twinge of irritation whenever he caught so much as a glimpse of the boy.

He folded his arms across his chest.

“Do I want to know what you’re doing up there?” he asked.

The boy on the fridge took an excruciatingly long pause to finish chewing the chunk he’d just ripped from the saltine cracker nearly half his size.

“I’m not really here. I’m a ghost who haunts people with shitty snacks.”

Ranboo huffed a long sigh.

“I can see you, Tubbo.”

“Prime. It must be a sign. Someone from the beyond is trying to send you a message. Yes, I hear them now. They tell me that your lack of cookies is nothing short of deplorable. Your ancestors are so disappointed,” the borrower informed him before taking another bite of his cracker. Crumbs cascaded down to the floor like a waterfall.

Ranboo grimaced at the pile of cracker debris on the freshly polished hardwood. His disgust only grew when he discovered it was only one of many mountains of crumbs scattered about the floor.

“Did you turn off the Roomba again?” he inquired. He was fairly certain he already knew the answer.

“It tried to eat me,” Tubbo replied simply.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

“Don’t ask me questions while I’m chewing,” the boy countered.

Ranboo growled in frustration. He swiped a coaster off the island.

“I will knock you off there.”

He waved the coaster around pointedly in the air. Just to ensure the threat came across as seriously as he meant it to.

Tubbo grinned from ear to ear.

“You tease.”

For a second, Ranboo really did consider pitching the square of cork straight at the little menace’s head. With his track record in ultimate frisbee, there was no doubt in his mind that he could throw it with deadly accuracy. But, of course, he didn’t. He dropped the coaster down onto the counter with another groan. A splattered borrower would be far more difficult to clean off the floor than a few crumbs.

“I can see my house from here,” Tubbo remarked.

“It’s my house,” Ranboo amended.

Tubbo only shrugged.

“To-may-toe, po-ta-toe, man. Mi casa…”

The homeowner stood there a moment in silence. After leaving plenty of time for the boy to finish his expression.

“Su casa,” he finally finished for the borrower.

“See, I knew you’d come around.”

It took Ranboo far too long to realize what he’d been duped into saying. The mental exhaustion was like a fog. He could hardly even bother to react with the appropriate amount of irritation. He figured it was likely best to let the little guy make his mess now and return later to clean it up. All he could do was pray that he could get to it before the mice did.

[devildomwriter]

Obey Me As Tumblr #2

Asmodeus: “I’m sad I wasn’t born in the era of-“ b*tch do it! If you like love letters, write them! If you like poodle skirts, wear them! Society is imploding as we watch on in abject horror! Do whatever you want!

MC: Time to buy a guillotine

Diavolo: Let’s not

•

Luke: The only acceptable icing is buttercream. Whipped icing is a cowards choice and fondant people are demons and gotta meet me in the street for their poor life choices that led them to accept play-doh as acceptable cake decoration

Barbatos: Turn on ya location and we can talk

Luke: Hope you understand sign language then cause all you’re gonna be seeing is hands

Solomon: Damn sh*ts gettin real in the cake decorating fandom

•

Asmodeus: Moan louder each time the cashier scans one of your items

Beelzebub: Please do not do this

•

Leviathan: A shout out to all the people who started using “same” as a joke once in awhile but now use it for the most random things like a car honking at another car

Satan: Yesterday a book fell off my desk and instead of picking it up I just looked at it and said “same”

•

Belphegor: I’m so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me and I want to be set loose.

Satan: The energy of this post is dark and mysterious

•

Solomon: Make your own foot scrub

Diavolo:

1. Feet are pretty hard to make

2. Don’t call me a scrub ever again

Lucifer: please stop making me read this

•

Belphegor: In this world it’s milk or be milked

Lucifer: It’s really not

•

Solomon: If there’s a “heavens no” and a “hell yes” why isn’t there a “purgatory maybe”

Diavolo: PURGHAPS

•

Asmodeus: Bisexual: the ability to reach down someone’s pants and be satisfied with whatever you find

Diavolo: Whatever you find. That’s a pretty broad definition. I personally would not be satisfied if I found. Say. An alligator in my partners pants. Genitalia is cool. Carnivorous reptiles are not.

Satan: Is pansexuality not caring if you find an alligator

Barbatos: Yes

MC: If the alligator is limp. Is it reptile dysfunction?

Solomon: We need to get outside.

•

Beelzebub: What if birds aren’t singing and they’re screaming because they are afraid of heights

•

Leviathan: Do animals think in English or in the sounds they make

Lucifer: This is what yahoo paid $1.1 billion for

•

Leviathan: High school graduations are hilarious lmao “you’ve truly become a family after these four years” I guarantee you If some of these kids caught fire half their classmates would calmly drink a glass of water in front of the burning students

•

Belphegor: One time in school I didn’t read the assigned book and I was like f*ck it imma write this essay anyway and I had no idea what the book was even about or who the characters were so I just spewed out some shit about archetypes and the teacher came up to me after class and told me I was the only student who truly understood the book

•

Leviathan: Are you ever in school and you hear a muffled scream from a nearby class and you’re like the f*cks going on

MC: What the f*ck kind of school do y’all go to?

Satan: RAD

•

Belphegor: If you both agree to take a nap instead of going out, it’s a date

•

Asmodeus: Why are you single?

Leviathan: I literally don’t leave my house and I don’t talk either

•

Beelzebub: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it and I started thinking like it was just trying to get food what if I went to the fridge and it slammed the door shut and snapped my neck how would I feel

•

Mammon: You are angry about something “clam down” I text you, you assume I have made a typo, but in fact I am holding a small soldier clam in my hands. He died so young, War is hell.

•

Leviathan: I was so sleep deprived the other day that I tried to zoom in on a paper

Leviathan: Wtf I just made that post

Leviathan: Oh wait that is my post

Leviathan: I haven’t slept in two days

•

MC: Where can I buy some thigh high crocs

Luke: In hell

•

Simeon: Today is Copernicus’s 540th birthday. You remember Copernicus as the man that said “hey, what if the earth went around the sun?” To which the Catholic Church replied “hey, what if we set you on fire?”

•

Asmodeus: I’m looking for a romantic way to say I hope you think about me when you masturbate sometimes

Simeon: In the deepest calmest hours of the night when you have not but your own company, I hope my image fills you with bliss

•

MC: “Were you born a boy or girl?” Bold of you to assume I was born at all

Mammon: I personally was created in a lab

Satan: Just straight of spawned

Diavolo: I was summoned

Luke: I was born at the age of seven, my mother being out of town at the time

Lucifer: Just popped into existence like a theoretical particle

Simeon: My existence is a figment of your imagination

Leviathan: Found in a cabbage field

Asmodeus: I lost my memories when I came to this dimension

Beelzebub: I’m just a rock that grew legs

Barbatos: I was retconned into existence to fix a plot hole four years ago

•

Mammon: What happened when the guy shoplifted a calendar

Leviathan: He got 12 months

Lucifer: Crime isn’t a joke

Last • Next

[prismatica-the-strange]

Wanda: You break the rules and become a hero. I do it and become the enemy

Yes! You held a town hostage because your roomba broke and you were sad!

Strange saved the world and tried to help a student! You are not the same!

The least you deserve is some emotional torment over your made up kids! Jesus fuck! Stop painting yourself as a victim!

Yes, you went through some traumatic shit as a kid. But then You literally signed up to let Hydra experiment on you! I get why you wanted to kill Stark, but don't act like the world owes you a happy ending just because you lost someone while saving the world.

So did Clint! And all he did after lost nat and saved the world was go home! Sure there's the thing with Kate, but he was saving people. He moved on.

Pepper and Peter lost Tony! You don't see them out there hurting innocent people!

Thor lost his brother and half his people! He was sad too! After being super depressed and helping to defeat Thanos, he gave his kingdom to someone who would be a better ruler then went out to find himself with the Guardians! He didn't turn into a magic tyrant and tale out his pain on strangers!

Get over yourself Maximoff 🙄

[necros-writing-stuff]

There’s something about the comedic irony of characters meeting counterparts that share habits/characteristics and being so fucking annoyed by them that’s absolutely batshit hilarious. Eden dragging your twink ass back to the cabin and collaring you? Fuck it, fine, but next time you tranq Eden and drag him back to yours. You put him in a lil cow outfit and collar for the fun of it. You figure out quickly how many “milk” bottles you can get out of him per day - you make bank! What’s even more hilarious is if you’re the high tech type. Eden staring at the roomba in your room. Startled when you adjust the temp in the room just by voice command. Pissed when you force a cell phone on him when he’s locked up at your house, because “I piss off a lot of people on the regular, Eden, and if someone’s gonna set fire to my place I wanna know!”. While he bitches about the phone, though, whenever you’re out, you send messages and texts that get progressively affectionate and/or horny. Pavlov the fucker til he perks up when he hears the message ding. I can’t imagine you’re the paragon of mental health, but when you make food for Eden you chat to him about all the stuff you encounter on a regular basis, and he looks openly more and more uncomfortable. He points out town is shit and you should go back to the cabin. You say that after you get revenge on a few fuckers, you’d be happy to go play cottagecore life with him. Besides, you still have a lot to show him about the modern world. On a particularly eventful evening that ended in a heated scuffle that Eden almost won - probably wouldve if you didnt have the muscle relaxer syringe on you- you hook him up to a fucking machine and let it pound his ass. You know that when it’s his turn to turn on the crazy and drag you back to the cabin, your ass is probably gonna undergo something that’ll leave you limping for a week straight, but all’s fair in love and war. I’m not saying you’re a yandere but you are also in possession of a jealous streak a mile wide so lord help the bitch or bastard who shoots Eden too many glances out and about. And if he ever pisses you off you’ll book him a seat to Remy’s farms for a few days. He’ll probably choke you on the floor of his cabin when you get him out during one of Wren’s fires. You enjoy every second of it, especially how every bit of your body feels bruised after he’s done with you. I don’t think you’ve actively told him you love him or anything, so he’s bemused when you slide the marriage license over to him. Because he’s either signing it or you’re forging it, you just thought it’d be romantic this way. What a toxic clusterfuck of a situation, honestly. You haven’t felt this alive in ages.

Oh fuck PC practicing some shibari on Eden and taking photos of him all tied up. He's so mad when he wakes up, yelling at you that you'll get the spanking of a lifetime when he's free. And of course you will, you were counting on it.

Introducing him to the internet, showing him porn you want to copy with him or just simply movies while you cuddle in your warm bed. It's always warm here, you have central heating. He's an intelligent man, so he picks it up fairly easily. Just doesn't want to.

"The government uses it to spy on people-"

"I know, Eden, everyone knows!"

"And you're okay with that?!"

Maybe a schedule should be fixed up. Winter at your place, summer at Eden's cabin. Whoever wins fights in autumn and spring.

Eden hates being edged, but you do it anyways because it makes him cum buckets and its a treat to have either in you or collected for other purposes.

He shows you how to clean his gun so you can take care of it when he's the pet. Doesn't want anything getting rusty or jammed.

And he'll sign the damn marriage certificate, after some prodding. You're already married in his eyes. Stupid laws and stupid legislation telling him what to do.

[protagonistpolling]

Why should you vote for these characters?

Why should you vote for Niko? (1)

"They are just a little baby who's like 8 years old with the weight of the world on their shoulders (and literally in their arms!). They ask you, the player, to help guide them, and you can have cute conversations about how your world is different from theirs. They love their Mama and they love pancakes. They like riding around on a roomba. They're offended whenever someone calls them a cat but they still make cute cat noises. They are a precious baby and everyone who has played OneShot has already signed the adoption papers <3"

Why should you vote for Coco? (1)

"shes so little. she just wants to learn how to do magic to save her mom, bring wonder in to the world and make it a better place. shes so eager to learn. she has survivors guilt but is being so brave about it. i love her. daughter."

Why should you vote for Mae Borowski? (2)

"She's a little cat who likes to jump on powerlines, make bad jokes to random people on the street and howl with her friend because of a restaurant called "Donut Wolf". At one point she makes a drunken speech at a party, where she declares she's a "TOTAL TRASH MAMMAL" before throwing up everywhere. Depending on the routes you can take, she can get electrocuted by a car and see God, whack a broken boiler with a baseball bat because she gets impatient trying to fix it, have a knife fight with her best friend in the woods, build a robot, and more. She is VERY silly :)"

The Pine Twins were submitted without propaganda. (1)

[tortilla-of-courage]

Yeah, kind of insane that the Adoption AU started with a 3am Taco Bell run.

I do actually have a few one shots already written for this AU! There's the Taco Bell story, the time Sky got arrested, the time Twilight got shot, a funny story I wrote based on real events with Twi, Wars and Wind trying to cook, and something based on that one picture of the boys playing the floor is lava by cherypaii(? I think that's the url?). And I have a half finished fic about Lullaby reacting to Time's increase in kids I call "Lullaby reacts to Time's Batman-Level Adoption Bullshit", and a half finished fic introducing Wild's twin. So if anyone is interested in reading some of the fun bits for the AU, since I'm still writing for the plot part (although this conversation has given me inspiration and motivation to write the bit where they find Twi after he was kidnapped, so,) then I'd be happy to post them.

And since you mentioned hoping more info would magically appear, consider this magic.

Midna is a mafia princess, and her family immigrated to get away from it. Zant is her cousin, and his parents followed to make sure Midna's parents didn't embarrass the family. She briefly had to move away after the incident where Twi got shot, but she's back before the plot happens.

Twi and Time both have their face markings in this AU. Time had his tattooed on after the FD incident as a reminder of what he's capable of and what he's lost (considering this plot beat's connection to his family and the Order), for better or worse. Twilight was gifted his by Midna after he fought Zant to try and protect her and Dusk from Zant. The markings are traditional Twili tattoos, painted on with some kind of something that acts as a mix of tattoing and henna, and have to be earned. Twilight's represent courage, boldness and sacrifice.

Warriors has a whole plot I've done nothing with involving Cia being, well, creepy as all get out. Basically I read somewhere that a victim of abuse is more likely to end up in other abusive relationships when looking at how Warriors' bio parents being abusive would effect him and then I remembered Cia and decided to be mean to him.

The underground hospital that took care of Wild after the wreck is called the Shrine of Resurrection because I thought that was a cool way to connect that.

I had this stupid idea once that Midna writes purposefully terrible fanfic and a few people suspected she wrote 'My Immortal' for a while, and when she comes back everyone is like "The Chaos Corner guy's brother is dating the lady who wrote My Immortal???" and Midna decides to set the record straight by doing a small livestream on like, Instagram or something where she explains she's actually dating Dusk. She's reapplying Twi's markings as she says this, and is basically in his lap. Twilight spends the whole thing looking like he wants the floor to swallow him.

Rottla is informed by a therapist that she should try and do something since her kids don't feel safe (which, considering Time got stabbed in their living room, not feeling safe is understandable), and decides the best way to fix this is to teach them how to fight. Time and Lullaby are both black belts in several martial arts and can use most weapons well as a result. To Rottla's credit, this does actually work.

The sorority Warriors befriends is made up of the fairies I saved in his game. Because I love those fairies. They're my favorite part of his game. Also, Proxi is here.

Navi lives! She's rescued by the Order, like how the rest of Deku's kids were. She plays the role of a Great Fairy for the order. Her fairies are actually Warriors' sorority. And Tatl, actually.

Saria is a strong contender to become leader of the Order eventually.

Majora is here and I can't tell based on my outline if I have Time kill Majora or not. So, Time potentially kills a man.

Wind has a boat with an old radio connected to a lighthouse where an old man lives. This old man is Daphnese Nohanssen, but Wind always calls him Red. They talk a lot, and Daphnese is glad he has someone who will talk to him because he is very lonely.

Wild has a motorbike (Master Cycle) that it is honestly a miracle he hasn't wrecked yet. He breaks himself but never the bike. Wars has an older car that he's put some elbow grease in and you'd never know it wasn't new. Twilight has a beat up old pickup truck everyone is just waiting to die, but it hasn't yet. This is impressive, considering Twi does drag racing.

Also, Warriors has a tendency to get in fist fights, and between them and Legend (who is never arrested for the same thing twice), Time happens to be on a first name basis with most of the police in the city. The chief has his number on speed dial for when he needs to go pick up a kid.

Wild's friends are all alive and they love him. Flora is laser focused on helping him with his memory issues. And feeding him weird things. For science.

Wild's twin, Knight, is mute. He speaks in sign. He's also a bit blindsided by how chaotic the house is, but he fits in very well. They buy a roomba that Knight tapes a knife to and blames Wild.

At some point I'll write the fic where someone modifies a nerf gun and things escalate until Time shows up with one of those machine gun nerf guns hooked up to a car battery (a modification he did with help from Sheik and Ruto). Who needs depth perception who you can shoot 60 darts per second? It's chaos and when Malon gets back from a trip she takes this week she finds the house in disarray and a hockey puck in the wall. Clean up takes three days, and they are still finding nerf darts in weird places.

This is off the top of my head. I am certain I am missing something.

Forgive the weird formatting, I don't know what happened there.

-Attllhak

honestly i’d love if you ever posted any of the one shots you have already - and i think i saw one or two other people say they wanted to read the story too in the post where you explained most of the plot, so i’m not alone on this aha

Can i say i love how you somehow connected a lot of their games’ original details and made them make sense in a modern setting???? like it can be a hard thing to accomplish but with wat you just told us here it sounds like you did it amazingly and it makes me all the more excited to see what other connections there are!!! 

[ashintheairlikesnow]

As you can see, I’m ALREADY pepped for

✨Kauri with sick jake✨

So don’t worry about that

Honestly, this is for @eatyourdamnpears and everyone else encouraging my silly whims

CW: Description of migraine visual aura, migraine, sick whumpee, some consensual spice refs/flirting at the end

It starts as a dot in the center of his vision, a bit of gray he can’t quite see around. Jake frowns, closes one eye and then the other, but it’s there in both of them when he tries to look at the clock on the oven. He checks his text messages and there it is, little gray dot, making it... not impossible, but difficult to read the message.

“What are you doing?” Kauri asks the question from the doorway, standing with his shoulder leaning on the frame and his arms crossed in front of himself, wearing nothing but one of Jake’s shirts, hanging off his frame in a way that somehow makes him seem more graceful, not less. 

“Go get pants on before Ant comes down and blacks out from blushing so hard,” Jake says, voice still upbeat, but... is the spot getting bigger?

He picks up his phone and types in ‘signs of seizure’ into Google. 

Nope.

‘Sudden changes in vision.’

Oh, well, the potential answers to that one are definitely fucking terrifying.

How about... ‘gray dot in center of eye’.

“What the fuck is retinal detachment?” Jake mumbles, squinting. The dot is definitely getting bigger, and it’s in both eyes, not just one. So... not retinal detachment, unless his eyes both did it simultaneously, which seems impossible, but...

Google seems very convinced he might be dying. That is not comforting him at all as he tries to read around the spot.

“Jake?” Kauri pads across the kitchen tile on bare feet, and his hand presses cool to Jake’s bare back, long fingers against his spine. “What’s up?”

“I’m having a weird-... a thing in my eye... or my eyes?” Jake leans slightly back into Kauri’s touch. He hasn’t stopped being grateful for Kauri’s presence, and so deeply aware of it. It feels fragile, whatever is happening now, even though Kauri has always been made of steel underneath his insistence that he was nothing but tissue.

“What kind of weird thing?” Kauri moves around him, to lean his back against the counter next to the stove, head tilted to look up at Jake.

Jake looks down at him, tousled black curls and the way his face has changed with time, cheekbones and jawline more prominent, but his eyes have never been anything but the widest, brightest blue, and he can see Kauri through the arc that the gray dot is forming in his vision as it expands.

“I can’t-... I keep seeing gray,” He confesses, shaking his head - and he feels pressure there, a sense of something just... sitting behind his eyes, over his eyebrows. Like the weight of a small animal is there, and getting heavier. “Just, like, a dot, but it’s getting... bigger. And... like, breaking up?”

He tries to look at Kauri again, and the dot is a half-circle now. There’s a flash in the rounded curve of it, and then another. Then a third, but this one is colors, and there are small rainbows flashing lights along the arch as it grows. 

“Am I-... is this a fucking seizure? Or a, a brain tumor? Or...”

Kauri, to Jake’s shock, laughs. “Oh! No, Jake. No, that sounds like - you said it’s getting bigger?” He reaches up, going up on his toes as Jake leans down, and presses his cool hand against the side of Jake’s face. “Is it, like, turning into a circle? Do you see lights?”

“Um... yeah. Yeah, like, like a fucking rainbow strobe light on the right side.” Jake closes his eyes, and the pressure is getting worse. 

“Jake.” Kauri’s voice is soft. “You’ve got a migraine. Or you’re about to have one. When did you last sleep through the night? Or, like, at all?”

Jake snorts. “You’re one to talk.” 

“Answer the question, you.” Kauri pokes him in the side, with gentle affection, and Jake wishes he could focus on his face around the widening, flashing arch at the right side of his vision. At least it’s sort of framing Kauri, now, and Jake wonders at Kauri just... here.

No backpack by the door next to his shoes, ready to run. The backpack is in Jake’s room, and it’s empty. Kauri’s fucking... pet Roomba Keira is in her place of honor in the living room by the Christmas tree. One of the new rescues is convinced they can fix her broken wheel even though it’s been actual years since Keira could roll around on her own. 

For her part, Keira informed Kauri in that... unsettling metallic female voice that her visual sensors were enjoying the shifting colors of the Christmas lights and that she didn’t mind playing a sort of living Wikipedia for the rescues - all former Romantics - learning about a world they were forced to forget.

Keira reported to Jake that the most common question she received was some variation on how many pets run away, and how many go back?

 The numbers are getting bigger - and the amount that end up back in WRU custody or with their former owners is going down.  That alone drives Jake to keep working, harder than ever, to give as many as he can somewhere safe to land.

“I don’t know. Chris is here for Christmas break, we have new rescues, there’s-... just been a lot going on, and-” He sighs as Kauri’s hand moves up, thumb rubbing soft little circles just above his eyebrow, and the pressure building behind his eyes seems to lessen, just a little, at the touch.

“So the answer is that you’re stressed and not sleeping. So this is definitely a migraine. Is it still getting bigger?”

Jake opens his eyes and looks down at Kauri’s face, giving a slight smile. “Uh, yeah. It’s... almost all off to the right, now. You’re pretty with a rainbow around you.”

“Well I’m gay as hell, so I should hope I look good in rainbows,” Kauri says, smiling with his nose scrunched up the way he does when he’s not being self-conscious about it, and then he takes Jake by the hand, pulling him back across the kitchen. “Come on, you. Time to lay down.”

“Kaur, the rescues will wake up any second now-”

“Antoni can feed them as well as you can - way better, honestly. He can just reheat those little pocket things with the cheese in them.”

“... Hot Pockets? I don’t think-”

“No, the thingies. The, um. The pirouettes?”

“Piroshkis?”

“Sure, that sounds right, too.”

“Well, pirouette is a ballet term-”

“Jake. Not important. Let’s just be happy I remember anything at all. Come on.”

Jake doesn’t feel like he follows Kauri so much as, like always, Kauri is a planet on its own orbit that Jake is drawn to, has always been drawn to, long before he could have had a moment with him like this. “But Chris-”

“Chris is twenty-three years old,” Kauri points out. “More or less. He can take care of himself, and right now you need someone to take care of you. And trust me, I have a lot of experience with migraines - and so does he.”

The rainbow flashes are fading out, moving so far to the side of his vision that they are effectively gone, but the pressure is still building and Jake squints against the way the first hints of sunlight hurts, a little, to see coming through the windows. “You do?”

“Of course I do.” Kauri’s legs are pale where they show under the hem of the big shirt he wears, and Jake swallows against the way something in him stirs at the sight, but that bit of pain that had come with seeing the sun isn’t leaving. It’s getting worse. “When I stopped blacking out, I started getting headaches, migraines, lasted for days. Fucking hated it. I used to get them in training a lot, too.”

“You did?”

“Mmhmm.” Kauri pauses, briefly, at the top of the stairs. “When I relearned how to read, and when I looked at myself again, they came back. But I had to keep trying, anyway.” He glances over at Jake and gives him a slight smile. “All that time I spent trying to figure out what you were seeing when you looked at me. Migraines come with the territory.”

“Why don’t I know that you were getting headaches?”

“Because I didn’t tell you about them. We’re, um. We’re good at ignoring pain.” Kauri smiles, still, but there’s something a little more brittle in it now. “Chris got them, too, learning to read. And... probably before. But everything-... hurts so much, in training. You get used to doing everything with the pain instead of waiting until it’s over. You don’t have a choice. There we go, I’ve distracted you with a sob story long enough to get you back to your room.” Kauri helps Jake inside, closing the door, and Jake sighs in relief as the room is beautifully, perfectly dark. 

“Our room,” He says, and his head is starting to really hurt, now. “I don’t have time to lie down, Kaur.”

“You sure as fuck do,” Kauri says cheerfully, getting him back to the bed, hands running over Jake’s shoulders, back, and sides as he lays down on his stomach, groaning. Kauri presses a little, here and there, gnawing on his lower lip. “You’ve got some serious fucking stress in your back, Jake.”

“When do I not?” Jake asks, muffled by shoving his face into a pillow.

“... good point. I’m going to get you something for your headache and tell Antoni he’s in charge today. You... don’t move. Or I’ll be very unhappy with you.” Kauri’s voice teases, effortlessly flirty, just a little with the graze of his fingertips before he pulls away. 

He’s gone, for just a few minutes, and Jake’s headache seems to worsen by the second, moving from the first hints of pressure to a full-on pounding pain. He doesn’t dare pull his head up, afraid even the slightest sliver of light will be too much. His stomach twists and turns, too, and Jake’s glad he got up here before he ate anything. 

That Kauri got him up here.

Kauri reappears with two pills, a glass of water, and a surprisingly bright smile on his face. “Well, I’ve embarrassed Antoni by stretching and forgetting I’m not wearing any pants, so... good thing I look good naked. Here, take this.”

Jake swallows down the pills and drinks the water until it’s gone, then hides his face back in the pillow. “What’re you gonna do?”

“Stay right here, dumbass,” Kauri says, softly, and he crawls up into the bed, lying down on his side next to Jake. Jake can feel the soft brush of his hair before he leans in and kisses Jake’s neck. “Stay right here with you. That’s my plan for the day.”

“I’m gonna be real boring,” Jake mumbles into the pillow. 

Kauri’s voice is low, situated just above a whisper but below the threshold that would make Jake’s head pound any harder. “I spent years alone with a talking Roomba and some plants on a balcony. Boring doesn’t bother me. I’d rather sit in this bedroom in the dark with you being a big whiny baby than be anywhere else.”

“... ‘m not whiny.”

“He said, whinily,” Kauri teased, and snuggled up next to him. Somehow he’d taken his shirt off and Jake slid one arm over the warm skin of his back, pulling him close. “Hey now-”

“Isn’t sex a pain reliever?” Jake asks, eyes still closed, nuzzling into Kauri’s neck, the warm smell of his skin, with the faintest hint of Jake’s own cologne. Something about having known Kauri to never smell like the same cologne twice for so long, and to know now he only ever smelled like Jake... 

“Not for migraines. Wait til your head feels better, dumbass.”

“Thought you liked my ass,” Jake murmurs, kissing just under Kauri’s ear, a spot he knows Kauri likes, a spot Kauri didn’t know he liked, because nobody ever bothered to explore Kauri the way he deserves. His hand slid down and between Kauri’s legs-

And then he winces and turns his head back to the pillow. “Ow. Okay, I can’t right now.”

“Told you so,” Kauri says, moving Jake’s hand back over his waist. “No sex until you feel better, Doctor Kauri’s orders.”

Jake pauses, and says softly, “I must be the only guy on earth who fucking loves hearing you say ‘no.’”

Kauri pauses, and then kisses Jake’s hair, the top of his head, and slides back into his embrace, the warmth that came with lying together under the blankets together. 

“Yeah, maybe. But I like that you want to hear it.”

“Always. Whenever you need to say it. I love you, Kaur.”

Jake thinks he hears the faintest hint of hidden tears in Kauri’s voice when he answers, “Love you, too.” 

---

Tagging: @burtlederp , @finder-of-rings , @endless-whump , @whumpfigure , @slaintetowhump , @astrobly @newandfiguringitout , @doveotions , @pretty-face-breaker , @boxboysandotherwhump , @oops-its-whump @moose-teeth , @cubeswhump , @cupcakes-and-pain @whump-tr0pes @whumpiary

[lokigodofaces]

thoughts on loki ep 2: the variant (spoilers)

under cut to not disturb your scrolling

Overall I enjoyed so that's good

Uh frick my mind blanked so sorry if things are completely out of order

I don't know, I expected the renaissance fair to be 2012 or 2021 or 2024 (Loki's time, our time, current time in the "sacred timeline"). So I was genuinely surprised when it was in 1985.

Ok, i really like the title card thing. And how the year scrolls around. It's a nice aesthetic touch there.

I wonder why the female Loki variant chooses her locations? Does she have a thing for renaissance fairs, French cathedrals, and Oklahoma?

1985 is when Back to the Future came out. And it's y'know, one of the most popular time travel movies ever. So I think they chose that year as a reference.

Again, not liking that the minutemen only have numbers, not names. It is giving me lots of Clone Wars vibes. If you don't know anything about Clone Wars, the clones are given number identifiers by the Kaminoans. Things like CT-7567. The clones would give themselves names (CT-7567, for example, names himself Rex). A really good sign throughout the series that someone is a sketchy person is if they call the clones by their numbers. The clones don't want to be known as numbers. They are people too, they deserve names, so they come up with all sorts of creative names (Rex, Fives, Cody, Tup, Hevy, Hardcase, Echo, Waxer, Boil, Wolffe, Jesse, Kix, Fox, Hunter, Wrecker, Crosshair, Omega, Tech, Matchstick, etc). The jedi respect this, and the only jedi that i can think of that called clones by their numbers is Krell, who fell to the dark side. the Kaminoans and other sketchy people all call them by their numbers and the clones don't like it. A big focus of the show is on the clone's agency (at the end, they all have brain chips that take away their agency and force them to kill jedi), and how the clones need to be respected. So for me to see in another series that people are only given numbers is bad. What's worse is that the minutemen are fine with this. They don't see it as dehumanizing or belittling. They are brainwashed into being okay with it. Which says a thing or two about the Time Keepers.

did. did the renaissance fair really have Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out for a Hero" for their renaissance themed fight? Is this normal? Was it normal in the '80's? We saw later that the female Loki can do electronic stuff. Did she rig it to play it? For the vibes?

Also the stuff before the song was about fighting for a princess, and in the end she kidnaps C-20.

Okay, btw, I'm just gonna say Lady Loki for a while because no one has explicitly said Sylvie yet, so I'm going to refer to di Martino as Loki until she or another calls her Sylvie. Cool? Cool.

I was thinking the "Holding Out for a Hero" fight would be the roomba fight or something. It is such a good song that has huge potential for this genre. Why did they use it in a lame fight as that one?

When Lady Loki did the spell on C-20, it looked similar to what Wanda and Agatha can do. As in, it had similar visuals.

Loki reading a random magazine he finds while sitting with his feet on the desk bored out of his mind because he has to learn sh*t is a MOOD.

What is Miss Minutes? She can jump around anywhere, and pop into computers. But she can't be just a projection. She took the effort to dodge Loki swatting at her, so that may mean she was corporeal. She also could be something similar to the Kree's Supreme Intelligence?

So, did Mobius give Loki the shirt, tie, and slacks, but really didn't give him the jacket until they had to call him in? What? That makes no sense? Did the TVA not have any jackets with the variant label? Did someone have to custom design a jacket for Loki?

What is up with this show giving me things I wanted to see only in holographic form? First we saw Coulson's death, and now Loki in his Jotun form in a holograph of another variant.

Okay, Loki being someone the TVA has to constantly deal with is very on brand. Loki is a creature of chaos, of course he's going to unknowingly rebel against the sacred timeline.

Also, headcanon that the Jotun Loki we see is king of Jotunheim because that would be epic.

Also, for personal reasons I choose to believe there is a Loki variant that defeated the Avengers and immediately went queer rights.

Loki's reaction to there being many Loki variants. He's seen what his life is supposed to be. I think he is even more upset that the TVA often deals with him, that there are so many things that could have been instead if it weren't for the TVA and the "sacred timeline."

Also, I totally think Mobius was waiting for another Loki to show up to help him defeat Lady Loki. They get them so often, it makes sense.

Loki explaining the difference between illusion projection and duplication was great. And very helpful to me personally understanding lore. Also, Mobius, get your crap together. If you're a Loki expert, figure this stuff out.

Loki calling the TVA out on propaganda, we love that.

The wolf quote is actually very nice, I quite like it.

Okay, the TVA doesn't even bury or cremate or do any sort of ritual for their fallen minutemen, they just reset the timeline. Which to me seems like another way to show how little the TVA actually care for their workers.

There are statues of the Time Keepers in Ravonna's office. The camera pays extra attention to it. Keep reading for more about Time Keepers and cinematography choices.

What. What sort of relationship does Ravonna and Mobius have? What is going on there? I am really confused.

Who is this "analyst on the side?" What is going on there?

Ravonna is MEGA SUS. Along with that, the Time Keepers are mega sus.

She signs R. Slayer. Yeah. Slayer. Not at all subtle, Marvel. Letting us know that she'll do the deed if needed.

Mobius you are sending me mixed signals. What do you want?

Okay, Mobius saying Loki was a "cold, scared boy" and an "ice runt" and stuff was totally a jab at Loki being Jotun.

Mobius saying Loki is insecure because of Lady Loki is...probably true.

With the elevator, the camera stops and focuses on the Time Keepers.

The Creation of the TVA, the beginning of time, the end of time, all classified. That is sus.

Loki almost crying over Ragnarok was good. Let him cry over the destruction of his home.

Loki being the one to discover something the TVA had no idea about after a day is on brand for Loki. And it shows how the TVA really are vulnerable.

Mobius: Really? In front of my salad?

No but the object lesson was well done and actually did help me understand what Loki was talking about.

Casey! Casey drinks grape juice! Imagine how confusing this is for Casey though. Loki is captured, threatens to gut you like a fish (whatever that means), and now he's dressed like an analysist, stealing your juice box. Does Loki get Casey more juice?

Honestly, Loki looking at everything logically and scientifically is fantastic. Adds to the science = magic thing Marvel's got going on, since Loki is a sorcerer.

Loki saying volcanoes are cool is fun. I agree. Volcanoes mean the planet is geologically active, which means we won't die. Also, there is a volcano named Loki on one of Jupiter's moons. I wonder if the creators knew that and put Loki in Pompeii because he is already linked with volcanoes.

Mobius telling Loki to start off small and Loki completely disregarding that felt very personal to me.

Loki being absolutely chaotic and telling everyone they were going to die while speaking perfect Latin was iconic. I want more of that content. Let the man be buckwild.

Again, Loki finding something out after a day that the TVA never knew about is on brand.

"Be free, my horned friends, be free!" I love that way too much.

Mobius being obsessed with jet skis wasn't something I expected, but I'm down for it. Heck, even Loki admitted they were cool.

The discussion on beliefs is going to lead to saying the Time Keepers are bullcrap. Hopefully.

Grapes and nuts are "candy" on Asgard. So, when Loki was eating grapes in Ragnarok, we can interpret that as him eating M&Ms. Second, this might add to something I've seen around here. I've seen things about a book somewhere with Loki saying chocolate fountains are mythical (which is really funny to me). So, I guess Asgard really doesn't have chocolate.

Oh my gosh, so many apocalypses between 2047 and 2051...hopefully none of those happen in real life.

Roxxcart is probably part of Roxxon, something that has been around in Iron Man movies.

Lady Loki got the shovel thing from Roxxcart that she left in Oklahoma! The minutemen said it was from the early third millenia, which is where we are now! 2050 also fits that category!

I saw something about the file saying Class 8 hurricane...there are only 5 classes...which means this is a crazy storm.

Does B-15 want Loki dead? This is a legitimate question, because I think she does. Dead or pruned.

Loki looking around at the storm, I love it. This could be him loving science, or him missing Thor, since Thor creates storms. Also, at this point Loki probably things Thor dies shortly after him in the sacred timeline, so Loki would be particularly sentimental about Thor.

I love Loki drying himself off and not anyone else. And B-15 yelling about his magic. And Loki's motions are so fluid, it's so aesthetically pleasing, I love it.

Dudes, I thought B-15 was going to try to prune Loki when they were alone.

Okay, was Lady Loki bsing about the azalea sale, or does Roxxcart actually do that? I want to know.

Wunmi Mosaku did a really good job as Lady Loki, I loved it.

Loki being annoyed at Lady Loki and saying he understood how Thor felt, does that insinuate Loki can do what Lady Loki was doing?

B-15 and C-20 were both very shaken after being possessed by Lady Loki. I wonder how that felt for them? We've had different explanations of mind control/brainwashing/similar from Clint, Bucky, Daisy, Mack, Fitz, and Monica in the MCU (including AoS). I wonder what is specific to Lady Loki's possession.

C-20 kept going on about something being real. What was that about?

C-20 revealed the location of the Time Keepers to Lady Loki!

Lady Loki not wanting to be called Loki could be a sign she is Sylvie.

There's something weird where Loki's voice echoed around while the camera focused on Lady Loki. Maybe she's telepathic?

Someone needs to keep a tracker on people telling Loki this isn't his story in a show literally about him.

But, that does add to themes for his life, and how everything was always about someone else in his life. He was always a supporting character for Thor, for Odin, for Thanos. Now, even in his own story, everyone insists he doesn't matter.

I was wondering what the reset charges would be used for. I wasn't expecting a massive bombing of the sacred timeline! Wow! That was unexpected and I loved it!

Okay, this isn't from me, this is from New Rockstars. But to list all the places mentioned on chronomonitors, either bombed or not: Knowhere, Barcelona, Niflheim, Dartford, Phong Nha, Lisbon, Vormir, Thorton, Cookeville, Asgard, Rome, Sakaar, Barichara, Porvoo, Ego, Titan, New York City, Tokyo, Hala, Kingsport, Xandar, Beijing, Madrid, Portland, Jotunheim. Bolded are other planets. Those are almost all the planets visited in the MCU. So fun easter eggs there!

I like Lady Loki's aesthetic. The fingerless gloves, the cloak, I love it. And YES SHE ISN'T SEXUALIZED. So many genderbent characters are excuses to sexualize women. But Lady Loki is just as covered as the male Lokis.

Lady Loki just...left the time door open for Loki to follow...for a really long time...I'm worried he's running into a trap.

What is Loki going to do now?

Theory time y'alls: Lady Loki bombed the sacred timeline to flush the minutemen out of the TVA, leaving it defenseless. And she's gonna go after the Time Keepers themselves. We know she gets into the TVA from trailer footage, and that's what I think we're gonna see next episode. I think she (like the Loki we are following) is upset over the lack of free will, and she plans to change that. That's why she wasn't interested in helping Loki "take over" the TVA, because she doesn't want to become the leader of a new TVA, she wants it destroyed.

Alright, back to the Time Keepers stuff. They keep focusing on the middle Time Keeper. Even in the end credits they have a weird cut to focus directly on his face. I'm not 100% on this, but I like this theory. That face is similar to Jonathan Major's, the actor confirmed to be Kang the Conqueror in Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania. Kang is a well known time travelling villain in Marvel. Maybe he is Kang, and is using variant versions of himself (that's a Kang thing in the comics) to mess with the timeline, and no one expects that from him. Also, Renslayer was his S/O for a bit in the comics, and they keep framing her in front of that one Time Keeper's face. I feel like this would be a good way to set up Quantumania and to show how sus the Time Keepers are.

Also, Loki was absolutely adorable the entire episode. And he got to sleep! Yay for him!

Again, I enjoyed, and can't wait for next week!

[writing-fool]

mlqc | think of you somehow

I recently thought to start incorporating Shaw too. So, here is his debut on my page! I’m currently working on a fantasy!au for Kiro, a harrypotter!au for Victor and a couple of other things. Unfortunately, those will have to wait a little, since I have an entrance exam coming up next week. I have another thing queued up for the day after this, so stay tuned!

Someone in the discord group had to help me for Gavin; I didn’t have too much inspiration for that one...

As always, enjoy!

Love,

R.

Warning(s): profanity, kinda. slight suggestive content

Victor

we all know Victor’s a huge tsundere who never learnt how to express his feelings in a normal way that doesn’t give you a headache.

i swear, why do i love him so much 

he never gets needy, or so he says he sulks when you don’t give him his goodbye kiss after handing over a report at LFG

aaaand he needs a morning kiss before leaving for work anyways Victor doesn’t get needy

you’re his little recharge mechanism though, his little charging pod i’m currently imagining a roomba pfft

even he, a magical, genius CEO, gets exhausted sometimes

it’s not always fun. sure, he’s a total capitalistic tool, but business meetings with old men who think they can earn investments while ‘subtly’ looking down on him for his age aren’t a doozy.

don’t get me wrong, Victor never loses his composure, and due to being an extrovert (he’s not loud, but he’s not a person who gets energy from being alone perse, imo. besides, he’s a good leader, so extrovert seems likely, although he has a lot of introvert traits too.) he’s genuinely good at socialising

doesn’t mean he always likes it.

you often notice when he’s tired 

when he gets home, you’ll usually be there already because your work just ends sooner on most days. he’ll set down his suitcase, hang his coat in the little closet by the door, take his shoes off, and prepare dinner

you’re probably kind of just there, chatting with him about his day while he cooks

he doesn’t allow you to work with knives at home because he’s overprotective you hurt yourself once

you might help a little, or get some work done by the table. Victor also had a piano put in the living area of the open complex penthouse, so you’ll play a tune sometimes. seems like he likes classical the most

Victor’s at-home appearance is a little different from his usual one. he still looks pretty clean and put-together, but he sheds his blazer (and vest) and socks. you two have matching slippers, so Victor wears his grey slippers with little cat faces on them (you have little beige slippers with dog faces on them)

when cooking, Victor rolls up his sleeves or switches to a v-neck sweater (during winter). his hair’s a bit fluffier than it usually is. all in all, a relaxed look.

after dinner, he’ll disappear for a little bit, doing some work before he it gets too late because he wants to spend time with you

usually, you’re lounging on the couch, reading or watching tv unless there’s a deadline then you’re a total mess working until late at night AND VIC HATES IT

he’ll come back into the living room from his home office, come up behind the sofa and just hug you while leaning down

“Hey handsome, you tired?” you ask. You reach your hand up, scratching the soft hairs at the nape of Victor’s neck while a relieved sigh passes through his lips.

Victor moves to the couch with you, and you know he’s Done with work for the day. he doesn’t even say anything, just relishes in your presence

he gets a bit touch-starved on occasions like these, so he’ll sit on the sofa and just pick you up and plop you on his lap. 

but like, in a koala way. that makes very little sense, huh. you’ll be straddling him, pressing your chest up against his and put your chin on his shoulder. your hands are around his neck and his are somewhere around your waist. 

you just sit there, maybe kissing a little, most likely pressing little kisses on each other’s collarbones/neck no hickies because you guys are pretty important people with quite the image well, can’t say it never happened before though, can you~

Victor’s totally in his safe spot here, so if he does say something in this moment, it’s not some guarded/sarcastic comment. he’s vulnerable and honest, so “I love you”s are not rare at all here. 

he might purr if you scratch his head. maaybe. don’t ask whether author Ré sees Victor Li as a cat...

10/10 Victor will carry you to bed like this. brush your teeth before because there’s no way this man is letting you go. 

Lucien

uhh to this day, i don’t think anyone really knows the extent of Lucien’s thoughts

like, in a sense, he’s a lot more guarded than, say, Victor, but they do say the best lies are ones shrouded in truth so the feelings he shows outwardly may actually resemble his actual ones atm

so...i wouldn’t say he gets very needy at all. not according to the standard definition, anyways

if he wants a kiss, he steals one from you. if he wants a hug, he’ll fluster you by backhugging you. if he wants to make out, he’ll push you against the nearest surface and steal your breath away. if he wants something more, he’ll make sure to rile you up until you’re in the mood for ehem. my fingers must’ve slipped...

Lucien’s modus operandi is definitely ‘take what i want when i want it’ in your relationship WITH CONSENT. HE’S NOT AN ASS.

he comes on strong, he’s smooth and he’s devilishly handsome. as a result, he’s often initiating any affection you guys have. 

so, while he’s not necessarily needy, he can’t shake the idea that maybe you don’t want him like he wants you. Lucien get that thought out of your head you two are domestic goals. he was stuck in a period of unrequited love for a while, sort of, so he thinks that he could handle being the one in the relationship that loves the other more. 

but the thought of you not loving him as uncontrollably, frighteningly, irrevocably as he loves you scares him to the very core of his being. because he’s in deep. 

there’s also the factor of him knowing that he doesn’t deserve you after all he’s done. but yet, you’re here with him.

so...Lucien knows it’s childish when he drops his head onto your lap while you’re reading on the couch Lucien: *sees your lap* it’s free real estate

he pretends it’s because he wants to take a nap. but actually he wants to see whether you’re affectionate when he’s not the one instigating it. 

either you’re just too embarrassed to do so when he’s taking initiative, or you’re not all that into him. i wrote about Luci’s love language being touch, so he probably sees you not touching him as a sign that you don’t love him

i’m not saying it’s a dealbreaker if you don’t like physical affection, but it’d take longer for him to open up to someone who’s not comfortable with his touch

anyways, almost immediately after he closes his eyes, you thread your fingers through his soft hair, raking them lightly over his scalp.

“You must be truly tired, falling asleep like this. Poor Lucien.Take care of yourself, my foolish professor.” and his heart shatters in Soft™

slowly, you shift to bend down, and Lucien feels your soft lips kissing his forehead, his nose, his cheek and finally landing on his lips. he smiles in that last one.

it’s not a sensual kiss, just an innocent, loving one. and Luci realises that yeah, you’re just as gone for him as he is for you. Maybe, you’re not the caged butterfly in this relationship...

he actually dozes off to the feeling of your hands in his hair, sometimes moving to gently brush a thumb over his cheek, sometimes pulling away to flip a page in your book. 

when he wakes up, there’s a blanket covering him and a soft pillow under his head

the hazy, irrational part of him makes him jump up, thinking you’ve gone after all. maybe it was all just a dream. one too good to be true.

but the melodic humming in the kitchen and the mugs filled with piping hot tea on the coffee table tell him you’re real, and you’re here with him

afterwards, Lucien naps on your lap more often. they’re his favourite treat

sometimes, you read to him, lulling him to sleep with your voice

honestly, domestic moments like this almost make Lucien want to cry out in joy because he never thought this was something he’d ever have.

well, they did say to treasure the little things in life...

Gavin

i’d say Gav’s a good 6.83 on the needy scale

he could be a 7.91 to be honest, so he has needy potential, but this man’s too shy to be needy

i mean, if you ever kiss him or hold his hand in public, his ears turn red and he’s an incoherent mess for like 10 minutes.

proceed with caution. or not. muahahaha

i think in a way, he grew up with the notion that he was a nuisance too yes, yes, we all want to deck Gavin’s dad in the face so he’s afraid to be vulnerable and needy with you.

MC: *pats Gavin’s hair.* this bad boy can fit so many daddy issues in it

ANYWAYS, the most this baby does is call you when he misses you

“I-I just wanted to hear your voice, okay?”

doesn’t really initiate a ton of affection either. 

again, he could...but he holds back. also he’s just so respectful of your boundaries and would rather have you indicate what you like in the relationship.

honestly he loves it when you snuggle up to him anyways soooooo...

but there are times when even Birdcop completely breaks and just needs you to be there for him

Gav does value communication, so he will actually ask for cuddles if he’s THAT needy such a healthy relationship dynamic

doesn’t happen a lot, but when it does...

you’ll be at home when he comes home from a mission. he’s had a pretty intense day, and now he just wants to unwind with you

this darling sheepishly walks up to you.

and as you turn around to greet him, he’ll ask 

“Can...I hold you?”

you drop EVERYTHING you’re doing because the moment he asks for hugs, it’s serious.

cuddles with Gavin are a 100% engagement kind of thing. you can’t do anything else, you’re stuck in his arms for a while

you guys usually move to the rug in the living room. not the sofa, which seems weird, but Gavin’s a tall gangly boy, measuring at 181 cm or 5′11″ I’m using the imperial system for you guys *grumble*

the sofa is just not big enough to fit his long legs comfortably when he’s laying down, and his neck hurts 

also, it’s not optimal for big bear hugs

Why not use the bed? i hear you ask. BECAUSE IT’S NOT RIGHT.

anyways, on extra effort days, you’ll make a pillow fort, but usually he just takes a pillow, a blanket and flops on the floor

cuddle hours are spent talking. no phones, maybe some music, but all-in-all they’re just times to open up, which is kind of rare for someone so rough around the edges

he turns to absolute putty when you start rubbing his stomach under his shirt this is canon don’t @ me

“Mmm...don’t do that,” he whines groans.

“You seem to be enjoying it, though?”

“Mm...no.” you liar.

honestly in like a realistic, domestic setting, a relationship with Gavin would be one of the healthiest ones within the five boys. 

he cherishes you so much, and definitely tries his best to be open with you, even though he’s experienced things that make trusting others difficult.

because if there’s one person in the whole wide world he would trust, it’d be you. 

Kiro

needy? you mean, Kiro all day, every day?

this boy loves you with all he has and the day he doesn’t show you how loved you are and how much he literally worships the ground you walk on is the day hell freezes over.

kissing, hugging, being cutesy, gifts, matching clothing, fun outings, food. ANYTHING

to be honest, he likes being with you in general, and would probably never leave your side if he didn’t have to

Kiro trusts you enough to share his entire world with you, fully knowing that he’s taking the risk of exposing himself like this. he knows that if this doesn’t work out, he’ll never be able to enjoy his world again because you’re so ingrained in it.

but the thought of not committing to you with his entire being doesn’t even cross his mind obviously, y’all are endgame so don’t even try to break up with this pupper

he tries to make up for your busy schedules with extra affection most of the time too

but actually, Kiro doesn’t just resort to hugging you in his arms, peppering kisses all over your face and not letting you go for hours when he’s lonely although he does do this. it’s just not something he does when he reaaally missed you. 

when he’s having a bad day and needs you the most, he’ll drag you out for some hotpot at night

it sounds silly, doesn’t it? but over a steaming pot of broth with various dishes, he sees your face and he feels at home. i mean, he loves food, he loves you. what’s better than a combination of both?

you laugh, chat and be as loud as you want. Kiro doesn’t have to disguise himself in the little shop at 2 am

the restaurant owner loves you guys, and gives you free beef on many occasions

he thinks you guys remind him of him and his wife when they were younger, although he jokes that Kiro’s a just a tad more handsome than he used to be~

Kiro likes feeding you and loves how you used to be so embarrassed about it. nowadays, you laugh and accept the food like you’re used to it, and somehow, that makes his heart soar

you take the long way home, walking back to your large shared flat under the night sky

Loveland City’s never fully quiet, but at least the people at that time don’t bother him. they’re either too drunk, or too stuck in their own thoughts. let’s face it, people who have their life together don’t wander around sober and alone at 3 am.

Kiro sometimes misses being invisible, but he also knows that he’s doing good by being who he is in this life. being a celebrity is tough, but intimate moments like these do kind of make it bearable

he holds you by the waist, enjoying the view with a serene smile and a full stomach by the view, he means you for the most part

“Hmm...Miss Chips, do you know how beautiful you look right now?”

your lipstick’s worn off, sweat’s cooling down on your face and your makeup’s smudged, but in that moment, Kiro thinks you’re the most ethereal being in the whole universe.

because you’re the only one who he would want to do this with. you’re the only one who would enjoy the night with him, stranded in this strange, thick atmosphere of melancholy and happiness.

one time, maybe a few months ago, it rained when you two exited the hotpot joint

instead of buying umbrellas at a nearby convenience store, you ran down the streets, jumping in puddles and laughing your asses off

Kiro swears he fell in love with you all over again that day.

Shaw

yah...i never really know what to call Shaw’s personality

he’s kind of a tsundere, but not in the way Victor is? he teases the shit out of you when he has feelings for you, but he’s also kind of a douche about it

and he’ll probably never admit how precious you are to him also he probably thinks he doesn’t deserve you

i love this little bastard but i get SO fed up with him

this boy doesn’t even actually take you on proper dates

like, it’s either university café, impromptu graffiti trips which to be honest might be an actual date or going to a club which could be a date but when you’re in a relationship with Shaw it kind of isn’t bcs he’s there 7/7

anyways, he doesn’t do the whole ‘love’ thing very well. he’s fine with PDA, so he’ll full on snog you in the club or reach over the table to lick whipped cream off of your face last time you’re ordering a frappuccino with whipped cream 

but he does it mostly to get a reaction

it’s not insincere, but he also doesn’t view PDA as a loving gesture perse

will not be honest with his words. don’t expect it. he’s built a shield around himself and therefore literally doesn’t know how to talk to someone kindly.

but...he tries.

Shaw’s most vulnerable and needy moment is the early morning

it’s not at night, cos he spends nights out partying or having a one-night stand what? he’s a healthy, viral boy!

his one-night stands never saw him in the morning because he’s honestly the type to hit and run i’m sorry how was i supposed to say this or alternatively to kick his partner out at 4 am

but you’re his first actual love, and even he knows you don’t kick your lover out if you give a damn about the relationship 

it was a big step for him to feel comfortable with you...but he doesn’t regret it one bit he probably won’t tell you that though

anyways, Shaw’s groggy morning voice makes you delirious BUT that’s a little besides the point

you wake up in each other’s arms

if you wake up first, you’ll probably stare at his face for a while until he does and inevitably says “What? Am I that handsome, huh?” secretly thrives off of your compliments 

if he wakes up first, he’ll probably wake you up by tickling you or touching you in some way ehem innocently Minor made me clarify it

any way it happens, you guys participate in some good morning spoonage

Shaw loves burying his head in your neck to press kisses and love bites there, smell your scent and hide the blushing face that is so very rare

finally one thing the brothers have in common

he’s aware he’s being a little too sappy for his own liking, but it feels wrong to ruin the morning mood with a snarky comment when you look so soft under the beams of sunlight flooding his bedroom

so he says nothing, and keeps you wrapped in his arms

in a moment of serene bliss, you hum and say “I love you.” 

as a response, this boy squeezes you a little tighter, buries his head a tad deeper in the crook of your neck

“Shut up.”

you know him well enough to know he’s feeling embarrassed, so you wriggle out of his grasp and turn around

Shaw whines a little when he’s forced to loosen his grasp

you look straight at his face, finding him even cuter when his mischievous smirk is replaced by a pouty scowl

“I love you, I love you, I love you I love you I love you love you loveyouloveyou,” you repeat, watching his face grow redder and redder

he groans audibly. “Shut up!” but he can’t help but smile at your gleeful giggles

“What? I do! I love you so much, Shaw.”

he kisses you to shut you up, but it’s not one of those fast, rough, wild kisses

it’s...tender. 

he cradles you in his arms, trying to convey how he feels through a kiss

“‘Love you,” he mutters against your lips.

“What was that?” you tease him.

“Nothing.”

“Aw, come on! One more time?” 

“Nope.” yup, he tries. 

I’ve been doing a lot of picture editing for all of my posts...but I think these will be the official ‘character separators’ since I don’t have the energy or will to make new ones for every fanfic...post banners are still a thing for every post though.