#someone end my exsistance

[onyxmistkes]

Of course once I am free from the clutches of college does my work decide to give me a 12 hour shift on a holiday weekend

[foxgloveinspace]

Everyone in the tag: my album is here!

Me, who’s last tracking update was at 1:50 am: SUCK MY DICK?

[mrfoox]

Ok looking through OW replay is actually so nice when you're playing with friends. Seeing their POV of things and when there downtime they looking at your character in game and just (:

[cosmicschmidt]

UNTIL I FOUND YOU (3)

PART 1, PART 2

Coriolanus Snow x fem!Reader

Synopsis: When the 18 year old Coriolanus Snow recieves the news that he has to mentor a tribute in order to claim the Plinth Prize, he expected everything but not a shy girl from district 12 to claim his heart.

Word count: 2,7K

Warnings: Reader pretty much just replaces Lucy Gray, Lucy Gray does not exsist in this (I´m sorry), some things might not fully add up to the movie plot ´cause I only saw it once and that was two weeks ago, use of Y/N, it´s implied that the reader is shorter than Coryo, small swearing, simple inhumane Hunger Games topics, mention of a wound, brutality!!

Reblogs and requests are always welcomed <3 (just like pointing out grammatical mistakes :))

Previously…

"Wait-" Y/N grabs a hold of his free wrist.

"Can you get us some food? Please? We´re practically starving."

Coriolanus just nodded at her quietly, the space between the both of them growing as he pulled away from her. The girl suddenly feels empty without him standing next to her like a shield that´s been protecting her has been taken away.

The reporter - whose name seems to be Lucky Flickermann - now turned back to the cage ends his live report,

"The 10th annual Hunger Games are soon approaching, so come down to the Zoo and see the Tributes before it´s too late." he does a dramatic pause.

"And I mean, too late," he adds with a small smirk.

"Capitol news."

"I´m Lucretius.", he looks up to the sky before stretching out his hand and catching a coin.

"Lucky Flickermann." with that the live report ends.

Y/N´s words ring in Coriolanus´ ears for the next few hours, during the lecture and confrontation with Dr. Gaul, the second he reached the cafeteria, he put as much food as possible on his plate, filling it with various goods.

Multiple students chatter around him, but he´s not up for a debate about whose tribute will win, never the less just a simple conversation, the thought of it alone brings Coriolanus discomfort. So his eyes scatter across the filled room, and when he spots a small empty two-seat table he walks over to it and sits down.

As he takes a seat he waits for a second, the feeling of someone watching him never leaving since he collected a plate and filled it with a bunch of food, the view of it alone causing his stomach to erupt into quiet rumbling.

With a quick look around, checking if someone is watching him, he takes hold of the blue napkin and places it on his lap, his hands spring into action and he places a few cookies into the blue fabric.

"Trying to fatten that poor girl up, so you can finally start taking bets?" a voice right across from the small table pulls him out of his thoughts. Before him stands Sejanus, a look of anger displayed on his face, while his hands hold him up on the table.

Coriolanus stops in his tracks, Sejanus´ tone something he does not need right now.

"You think, they´ll give these kids a schap if we don´t give them a reason to do it." although it was meant as a question, the way Coriolanus´ tone changed throughout speaking made it seem like a simple statement.

"How do you think your Tribute will have a chance if he can´t eat." the mention of Marcus causes the look in Sejanus' eyes to soften, Coriolanus knew what to say in order to convince his… friend.

A short moment of silence washes over their conversation, Sejanus lets out a sigh before sitting down on the still-empty chair, his eyes not finding the blue eyes that bore into the side of his face.

"He was my classmate. Back in 2…" Sejanus says in a low voice.

In return, Coriolanus takes a look across the room.

"It's not your fault he's there-" Coriolanus speaks up, shaking his head a little.

"I know. I'm so blameless I'm choking on it. My father bought him for me you know, at the reaping… just so he can show me, that I could never go back to 2." Coriolanus stays quiet, as he watches the Brown haired boy tear up, guilt eating away at him.

"But being Capitol is gonna kill me," he adds, his head shaking slightly, his gaze empty.

"So do something about it." Coriolanus cuts in, his expression stern.

He just continues filling the napkin with a few slices of a sandwich, the look on his face challenging Sejanus to do the same.

"You're quite the Rebell." the brown-haired boy laughs out, before he whipes his nose, blinking once then twice in the hope of no tears falling.

"Oh, I am. I'm bad news." the blonde replies, a teasing tone to his words. All Sejanus can do is chuckle softly, before his own hands grab a soft napkin.

-

Both of them find themselves getting closer and closer to the 'zoo' where the Tributes are held against their will, displayed for everyone to inspect. From far away, the mentor of the girl from District 12 was able to make out the crowd that formed around the metal bars.

Coriolanus can't help but let his eyes wander, his blue orbs desperately trying to catch a glimpse of Y/N, as he takes big strides away from Sejanus as both of them part for the purpose of finding their tribute.

"Marcus!" he heard in the distance, but the voice was blurred.

Coriolanus can't focus on the rest of the words that leave Sejanus' mouth, as his eyes linger on the metal bars that separate him from her. He finally spots her, his tense shoulders relaxing a tad bit. The left side of her body is pressed against Jessup's, while Y/N's hand lays on the side of his neck. Both of them sitting on a rock with their backs to the crowd.

Coriolanus can tell that her mouth is moving, yet he can't seem to grasp onto what she's whispering in the ear of the boy who sits next to her. The blonde can't help but clench his jaw at the scene unfolding before his eyes, as his hands wrap a notch tighter around the food-filled fabric.

"Y/N" he speaks up, finally trusting his voice enough to do so.

The H/C-haired girl's eyes catch her mentor's quiet whisper, her head snapping to the side facing him. The small simile that spreads across her face does not go unnoticed by Coriolanus, as she brushes off her clothes. With small, yet quick steps she finally closes the distance between them.

His hands twitch beside his body, the urge to feel her skin against his resurfacing, as their eye contact never fades.

"You remembered?"

"Hmm?" Coriolanus hums, his eyes not leaving her face, she throws him a questioning look at his speechless expression.

"Oh right, right. I got this for you." he quickly says, the weight of the food in his hands leaving the second he places the napkin in her hands, their fingers touching for a split second, sending a shiver down his back.

Y/N herself can't help but feel her face warm at the contact, but she hides her face a little as she looks down at the meal in her hands. Within seconds she unwraps the cookies and the sandwich slices.

"Thank you, this will help us a lot."

"Us?" the boy from the Capitol mutters under his breath, wondering why you would even think about sharing the food he just gave you.

"Common, Jessup, eat," Y/N says with a nod of her head, her hand offering him a piece of some expensive-looking dish.

"'m not hungry," he mutters under his breath, his eyes staring daggers in Coriolanus' direction.

"No I insist, you have to eat." she pushes the food into his hands, and he throws her a thankful smile alongside a nod, yet before he walks back to the rock they sat on, he throws Coriolanus another look.

The mentioned boy holds the stare, and as Jessup turns away, his eyes land on a small wound that rests right underneath his ear. His brows furrow in confusion.

"What happened to his neck?"

Y/N gulps, her eyes not finding his.

"Bat bite. First night on the train." she nods sadly, her mind going back to when it happened.

"He didn't sleep a wink on the journey, making sure to keep the bats off so I can get some rest…" The girl's words grow quieter, her eyes trailing to the left as they find a Capitol girl making fun of the girl from District 10.

Y/N frowns when she observes the 'mentor' taunt her own tribute, holding a water bottle in her direction only to withdraw it when she reaches out to grab it. Y/N clenches her jaw at the sight.

"I learned in twelve that hunger is a weapon."

"Your friend over there sure knows it…"

"She's not my friend she is.." he thinks for a second, "..Poison with perfect teeth."

The girl from District 12 lets out a laugh, yet it's not fully genuine, her eyes fall back onto the food in her palms, a sickening feeling forming in the pit of her stomach. Meanwhile, Coriolanus grabs a hold of the metal bar, as he leans forward looking down at her.

"Are you going to share everything that I give to you with Jessup?" he asks, his breath fanning along a strand of loose hair, their close proximity making it possible for him to whisper.

"Why?" the girl's eyes widened in confusion at his question.

"Think I can collect my strengths so I can strangle them in the arena? Coriolanus, I can not kill these people.." she hisses out, her words make her look almost helpless, and again the blonde feels the urge to reach out and grab her hand.

"But I might have a chance to help you," he replies quickly, his eyes somehow holding ambition.

"There is a possibility that I can make some suggestions to the game makers, I might even be able to let the audience send gifts into the arena. Food and water…" he mumbles assuringly, his head nodding along his words.

"Listen, the people can donate to you, so you have to convince them to like you, which they already do. You're the first to volunteer, ever, and for your sister too, that kind of stuff catches attention," he says enthusiastically.

"I don't want to talk about that, what I did there was no choice, I had to do that. Don't you understand?" she asks slightly taken back, her brows furring in bewilderment.

"Besides, I've seen the arena, there's nowhere to hide, what's the point in winning the audience over? The guards say you get money if you get more people to watch, and you say you want to help me… which is it?" she asks unsure, her eyes boring into his, as she rests her own hand on one of the cold metal bars, awaiting his response.

Coriolanus' mouth parts, yet no words escape, before his gaze lands on her hand, so close to his, and before he can stop himself his palm engulfs her smaller hand.

"Both," he states with confidence, as he gives her a firm nod, letting her know that he truly means it. Y/N breathes out in relief, as she nods back at him, the warmth of his calloused hands bringing her comfort. Yet, she wiggles her hand out from under his slightly tightening grasp, taking a sandwich and taking a bite, her stomach screaming at her to finish the whole meal.

As she continues to chew, she catches Coriolanus looking at the food in her grasp, when she catches his stare, he expeditiously averts his gaze, looking around as if she didn't just catch him ogling. Without a word, she takes one of the cookies and hands it to him through the bars.

"Oh, no thank you." he refuses to take the baked good from her.

"Saw you staring, just take it," she says with a shrug of her shoulders.

He hesitantly takes it from her, as the both of them lower to the ground in order to eat while sitting.

"Thought there was plenty of food in the Capitol," she asks, although it did not sound like a question, more like a fact that she simply stated. Her eyes are still on the sandwich in her grasp, while Coriolanus himself breaks the cookie in two, eating the first half of it in one bite.

He lets out a laugh at her statement, her words throwing him years back to the war.

"You know one time during the war, I ate a whole jar of paste. Just to stop the pain in my stomach." Y/N scrunches her nose in disgust.

"Well, how was it?"

He thinks for a moment, a smile forming on his lips, "Pasty." he laughs out, and Y/N can't help but let a giggle slip out as well before she muffles it with another bite of the food. Coriolanus' eyes stay on her, his eyes glimmering in amusement.

But the small moment dies when the girl looks away, her head turning slightly as she looks over her shoulder, the blonde's eyes follow hers.

"Little Wovey… she's so sweet… wouldn't hurt a fly… she reminds me of my sister…" she says, her head turning away from the little girl that currently rests against her district partner who looks deep in thought. Y/N swallows thickly at the thought of her little sister, now all on her own at home, having to watch her only relative die in the games. The thought alone causes the corners of her eyes to burn, yet she won't allow herself to shed one tear, not one, she promised her.

"I'm sorry…" the blonde whispers, as his face holds concern and guilt, he sends her a small assuring smile in order to lighten her mood.

"You seem like a good man, Coriolanus," Y/N claims.

Coriolanus slightly shakes his head, his eyes everywhere but never meeting her own. It seems like he's about to say something, but Y/N interrupts him.

"It would have been nice to meet you under different circumstances," she quickly adds, her eyes on the almost completely eaten sandwich, while she fidgets with her fingers.

"How about… we make a deal," he replies.

"A deal?" she asks, her eyes snapping back up to meet his blue ones.

"Yes. After all of this… I'll take you out on a date," he says with a serious tone. His hand reaches through the bars as it wraps around one of her wrists.

She laughs out at his 'deal', "Yeah, exactly, have a drink or two, very funny." she laughs again in disbelief while rolling her eyes at his attempt to lighten the mood, although that's pretty impossible.

"I'm serious."

"Have you seen these people? I don't stand a chance, I'll be dead within minutes in the arena, I never learned how to fight or hunt, my chances are practically zero." she huffs out, her free hand wrapping around his hand that is holding her other hand, attempting at pulling him off.

Yet his grip tightens, "I'm being serious like I said before, maybe I can change some rules, bend some even, I don't care, we'll go on that date," he says again.

Just as Y/N opens her mouth, a response at the tip of her tongue ready to be released, a scream erupts through the air.

Brandy, the tribute that had been taunted by her mentor, grabbed the bottle out of the glass, as she took hold of the mentor's collar pulling her closer with an angry yell. With a quick smash, she shatters the bottle into pieces and uses the remains as a weapon, forcefully stabbing it into the side of her neck. The already red-dressed girl is now covered in more red.

The screams alerted every individual around them, as other people screamed in horror at the brutality.

Y/N can't help but gasp in shock, just like Coriolanus she's back on her feet, her eyes trained on the girl on the ground gasping for air.

Coriolanus runs up right to the other mentor's side, using his hands to put pressure on the wound as a horrified expression spreads all over his features.

"It's okay. it's okay, I'll get help," he mutters out of breath, frantically looking out for someone who would provide what she needs.

"Somebody help us please!" after his plea, the sound of guns firing runs through the air, and with a thump, Brandy holds onto her stomach before hitting the ground, dead.

At the sound of shooting, Coriolanus hides his face underneath his arms, shielding himself from bullets that could hit him at any given moment. As he slowly raises back up, the horrified expression returns to his face, he watches the life drain from Arachne's face, her skin growing paler.

"Oh…no, no.." he rasps out, the events leave him speechless, and before he can register it, Peacekeepers roughly grab him by the arm and pull him up from the ground away from the lifeless body.

Taglist: (Crossed-out can’t be tagged)

@prettybliss | @unclecrunkle | @yourlocalwofreader | @ennycutie | @unamused-boss | @spatt777 | @xyzstar | @especiallythewomenandthechildren | @mysteris-things | @crackheadhours | @guacam011y | @clintssupremacy | @importantgalaxyrunaway | @zucchinimalfoy |

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Chapter 18: Hole in None

Summary: During your bridal shower, Steve takes Javi golfing. When they return, the way Javi is acting has you questioning everything you knew about your relationship.

Word Count: 12.1K (getting back to my roots of a short chapter LMAO)

Warnings: SMUT(18+) unprotected p in v sex (wrap it up irl pls), oral (f receiving), creampie, praise kink, breeding kink (if you squint?), makeup sex and getting caught (The Murphy's will never catch a break) ANGST (I'm so sorry!!), Hurt/comfort, Javi being super insecure, you being confused as hell, Steve being an absolute idiot

A/N: HELLO. IT'S ME! I DO EXSIST! I am genuinely SO sorry that this chapter has taken a million years to happen. December has been so busy and I have had no time to write, so I really, really appreciate all of your patience 🥺 This is a lil different than any other chapter we've had so far in the NTL universe, it's a lil angsty-er than normal but ya girl only believes in happy endings so don't fret!!! Also poorly beta'd bc I have the stomach flu and I am 100% there are mistakes in this chapter that I'm sure I missed 🫠

Series Masterlist Next Chapter Previous Chapter

“Do I really have to do this? This thing hasn’t even started yet and I’m already exhausted.” 

“Yes, Hermosa, I do think that most people do expect the bride to be at her own bridal shower.” Javi laughed, staring into the bathroom mirror as he ran his hands through the dark curls of his hair, fixing them into place as you stood next to him, finishing the rest of your longer than usual makeup routine to prepare for being the center of attention against your will for the next several hours. 

It wasn’t that you weren’t grateful that your co-workers wanted to throw you a bridal shower before your wedding, now only a few weeks away- the sentiment of the whole thing was incredibly thoughtful. Your 3rd grade teammates had even found a way to get in touch with your family to make sure that your mom, aunts and cousins felt included in the event, too. You should have been thrilled about the fact that the people who loved you most in the world were coming together to celebrate your upcoming wedding and quite literally showering you with gifts, but if there was one thing you hated more than anything else, it was the social exhaustion that came from having a party planned for no one but you. 

You had really tried to convince Maria, Estelle, Linda, and now, your mom that you didn’t need a bridal shower- your wedding was going to be small, and since you had already been living on your own, there weren’t a lot of things you needed as you started married life together. Unfortunately, neither of those arguments were going to stop those ladies from going all out for you, leaving you feeling like your bridal shower was turning out to be even bigger than your actual wedding. 

“Don’t you think I could just get a cardboard cutout of myself and use that instead? All these ladies love to talk so much that I don’t think they would even know the difference.” You sighed, giving yourself a once over in the mirror before putting away the rest of your makeup as Javi snuck behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, planting a soft kiss into your shoulder as he pressed his chest against your back. 

“I have a feeling that someone would notice.” Javi chuckled, a soft grin spreading across his face as your eyes met in the mirror, his smile and sweet eyes enough to calm your nerves for at least a moment. “I would definitely notice.” 

“Well that’s easy for you to say, you don’t even have to be there.” You huffed, letting a little pout fall from your lips as Javi playfully shook you in his grasp, trying your best not to smile as you tried to keep up your unenthused facade. “It’s not too late to trade. You can go to the bridal shower and I can go golfing with you and Steve.” 

Even though Javi had insisted he was more than happy to stay at the shower with you, Maria had insisted that Javi find another way to spend his time so the spotlight of the day could be on you, and not him being distractingly handsome to everyone else there. Lucky for Javi, that meant extra time to spend with Steve while Connie was at your shower- not so lucky for you that Maria had banished your future husband from attending an event for your own wedding. 

“I honestly may have to take you up on that. Steve must have needed an ego boost when I let him pick what he wanted to do while you and Connie were at the shower because he knows I can’t golf for shit.” Javi’s overdramatic sigh and roll of his eyes was enough to make you break into a little giggle, turning your head enough to press a quick kiss onto his cheek before reaching your hand under his chin, giving his jaw a little jiggle. “It’ll go by fast, Osita, I promise. And then, when we get home,” he paused, pressing another kiss into your shoulder and up towards your neck, digging his fingers a little tighter into your sides as he rasped into your ear, “I’ll take as much time as you want to destress you.” 

“As much time as I want? Bold of you to assume that the dog is gonna give us that long.” You snickered as a happy Bear trotted into your bathroom right on cue, his tail loudly thumping against the bathroom cabinets from his happy wags as he wedged himself between you and Javi. 

The newest furry member of your household had been a well loved addition, but if there was one thing Bear had no concept of, it was privacy. Your dog had become a constant shadow to you and Javi anywhere and everywhere in your house, including your in your bedroom, even when you were, well, not sleeping. It hadn’t helped that Javi had already formed such a soft spot for Bear, and had let him on your bed from the moment he stepped foot into the apartment, and now, your dog and his clingy personality had become a new obstacle to try and navigate in your sex life. 

“Someone needs to tell his dad that he’ll survive if he gets left out of the bedroom for a half hour, huh? That he’s adorable, but that he can be a little cockblock, can’t he?” Squatting down next to Bear, you wrapped your hands around his face, scratching behind his ears as you mockingly serenaded him, raising an eyebrow at Javi. 

“He just sounds so sad when he whines and he’s trapped outside the door.” Javi grumbled, kneeling down to join you, patting Bear’s stomach, now much thicker and fuller than it was a few weeks ago after you had first brought him home, skinny and neglected from his lack of care from his previous owners. 

“You say trapped like we're kicking him out to the streets when we close the door on him. He’s adorable and sweet, but he’s a dog, Jav, he’ll be okay.” You smirked, playfully scolding Javi as you peppered Bear’s head with kisses, making his tail thump even harder as it wagged back and forth. “Tell your dad you’ll be just fine, won’t you?” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” Javi groaned, knowing damn well you were right, even though he couldn’t bring himself to admit he had become an absolute softie for your new dog. “Alright, Hermosa, we gotta get you to this shower before Maria yells at me for making you late.” Pushing his hands against his knees, Javi let out a little grunt as he pushed himself back up to stand, checking the time on the silver watch wrapped around his wrist. 

“Wow, so eager to get rid of me, you must really be excited to go get your ass kicked in golf.” You teased, now following suit and straightening out your dress as you stood, throwing your arms around Javi’s neck, pressing up on your tiptoes to plant a little kiss on his lips. “Sure you don’t want me to golf for you?” 

“I’m sure, you dork.” 

After Javi had insisted on giving Bear more than his fair share of treats before the two of you left for the day, you were on the road to Maria’s, Javi insisting that he drop you off, instead of letting you take the treacherous 2 minute drive by yourself. As you drove down Maria’s street, you couldn’t help but smile at the memory of walking up to her house for an end of the school year party almost exactly a year ago. A party that had ultimately turned a handsome stranger from the Laredo Sheriff's department into your future husband, now sitting in the driver’s seat on the way to your bridal shower. You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself at the irony, leaning your head over onto Javi’s broad shoulder as you pulled up to Maria’s house. 

“What’s up, Osita?” Javi asked, a twinge of confusion in his voice at the content and calm of your demeanor as the two of you arrived at the event that you had been seemingly dreading for days. 

“I just- It was probably a year ago to the day the last time that we were at Maria’s house. Crazy to think that a year later we’re getting married and here for my bridal shower. I don’t know, a year ago I never would have thought I would have met someone I love so much, let alone be getting married, building a house, owning a dog, I- I’m just really happy that the department made you come to do that stupid presentation. You’ve made this year the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love you, Jav.” 

A tender silence hung in the air as Javi leaned over the center console, gently bringing his palm to cup the side of your face, his thumb tracing circles along your cheek, letting his sweet brown eyes lock with yours as a soft smile spread across his face. “I love you too, Osita.” His words barely left his mouth above a whisper, bringing his lips to yours. The two of you could have stayed like this forever, lost in the moment of your love for each other, but unfortunately, the world had other plans. 

“JAVIER. DIOS MIO. CAN YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER FOR 3 SECONDS?” Maria shouted, banging at the driver’s side window, the aggressive thumps of her hand against the glass making the two of you practically jump out of your skin. 

“Jesus Fucking Christ….” Javi whispered, clutching his hand over his chest, trying to steady his heart rate back to normal, the two of you looking at each other in pure terror. 

“If you’re going to drop her off and make a scene in my driveway, the least you can do is help an old woman out before you leave, Javier!” Maria demanded, still rapping her knuckles against the glass, the two of you trying to keep from dying of embarrassment as you exited out of the car. 

“Sorry Maria…” The two of you grimaced, still trying to avoid direct eye contact with her before she decided to scold you more. 

“Chucho is right, you two are no worse than a pair of teenagers. Come on, we only have an hour before everyone arrives and I need you and that wildly blonde haired boy to help me move chairs.” Shaking her head in disappointment, Maria was already halfway up the driveway and into the house as you and Javi trailed behind her, glancing at each other in confusion as to who she was referring to, until you noticed the Murphy’s car parked on the side of the street, realizing that Steve and Connie must have beaten you there. 

Before you even had a chance to make it a foot into the house, you were greeted by an overbearing swarm of people rushing to say hello and give you a hug, already feeling overwhelmed 30 seconds into the start of your shower, and these were all people you knew. Your mom was the first to make her way through the crowd, squeezing you in a death grip hug, even though you had just seen her last night after picking her up from the airport and dropping her off at her hotel. 

“Oh my god, I can’t believe the day is almost here! My baby girl is finally getting married! Ugh, you look beautiful sweetheart!” Your mom beamed, planting a chaste kiss on your cheek before making her way over to Javi, squeezing him just as hard. “C’mere, don’t think that you get to escape hugs from me too, Javi.” Javi looked over at you, trying his best not to laugh at everyone’s dramatics, knowing how stressed you already were, and that no one’s overly excited attitude was doing you any favors. 

“Ouch on the finally there, Mom. What do you need help with?” You asked, noticing that your mom had been holding on to Javi for a touch longer than what was probably appropriate while everyone else continued to hustle and bustle around Maria’s house. 

“Does he always smell that good? God, I wished your father smelled like that, the man smells like a sweaty sock. Javi, what kind of cologne do you-” 

“Mom! Jesus Christ.” You interjected, burying your hands in your face.

“Sorry, sorry! Honey, you don’t need to help with anything, it’s your shower!” Your mom swatted her hand at you, shaking her head in disbelief that you would ask to help, even though she knew better than anyone it was not in your nature to sit back on the sidelines and let other people do the work for you. 

“Why don’t you come help me set up decorations?” A soft voice replied behind you, making you whip your head around as their hand rested on your shoulder. 

“Connie!” You grinned, throwing her arms around her, relieved to find someone who wasn’t going to drive you absolutely crazy for the next hour of party prep. “It’s so good to see you, thank you so much for coming!” 

“Hey, Sweetheart!” a lower voice grunted from behind a stack of folding chairs making its way to the backyard. 

“Wow, Maria put you to work too, Steve? Yikes, she’s running a tight ship around here.” You and Connie snickered as Steve set down his stack of chairs, revealing his already sweaty and frustrated face, considering Maria had probably made him carry 6 trips worth of seats up and down the stairs since he and Connie had arrived. 

“You’re tellin’ me. Hey, make yourself useful and pick up some of these chairs, lazy ass. Sooner we get this set up, the sooner I kick your butt at golf.” Steve smirked, gesturing over at Javi, still standing in the doorway with his hands on his hips. 

“In that case, I’m taking one chair at a time.” Javi sighed, pressing a quick kiss to your temple in stride towards Steve, giving him a swift hug and a pat on the back before being interrupted by a shrill and demanding voice. 

“JAVIER. I HEARD THAT. IF I DON’T SEE YOU WITH A STACK OF CHAIRS IN YOUR HANDS THE NEXT TIME YOU’RE OUTSIDE, IT’D BETTER BE BECAUSE YOU ARE DEAD.” Maria shouted from across the house, making everyone’s faces freeze in fear. 

“You heard the woman. Chop, chop, Peña.” Steve chuckled to himself before passing off half of the chairs over to Javi, and walking towards the back of the house as Javi picked up his share, begrudgingly trailing behind Steve. 

“Alright, we should probably get to work on decorations before Maria finds us standing around for too long. I know you’re the bride, but I have a feeling that holds very little value to her until everything is set up.” Connie shrugged, nodding towards the backyard where the shower was being held. 

“You’re definitely right, and I would prefer to live through my bridal shower in order to make it to my actual wedding.” 

With all of the helping hands around the house, and Maria’s commanding dictatorship over shower setup, all of you had finished with time to spare, leaving your mom and co-workers to happily chat and gossip amongst themselves as you and Connie found your way to say goodbye to Steve and Javi, one of whom was looking much more excited about departing for golf than the other. 

“Have fun, ladies. Any last words for your future husband before I absolutely obliterate him on the golf course?” Steve snickered, giving Javi a soft punch on the shoulder. 

“Shut the fuck up, Murph.” Javi groaned, rolling his eyes as he braced himself for the next 3 hours of harassment from his former partner. 

“Don’t be too hard on him, okay Steve? He gets grumpy when he loses, so just a reasonable amount of ass whooping, nothing too drastic.” You teased, now playfully punching on the other side of his arm, you, Steve, and Connie laughing to yourselves at Javi’s fed up frown. 

“Says the one who literally pouted for hours after insisting we play "Sorry" and then she lost.” Javi smugly murmured, raising an eyebrow at you, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well someone wasn’t very sorry about it, were they… You know what, Steve? I changed my mind, go ahead and kick his ass for me.” A mischievous grin grew across your face, bursting out into giggles as Javi flung his arms around you, giving you a squeeze and shaking you in his grasp. 

“Pendejo. Alright, you need anything else before I go get my ass kicked, Hermosa?” Javi asked, pressing a kiss into your hair. You were about to speak, but stopped yourself for a moment, looking Javi up and down, admiring how handsome he looked in the khakis and navy blue polo he had picked out this morning. You’d been so worried and worked up about the day that you hadn’t really had a chance to get a good look at him until now, and God, part of you wished you hadn’t taken the time to really take it all in as he stood next to you. You knew there was nothing you could really do about it now, but that wasn’t about to stop you from at least getting a little taste. 

“Uh yeah, I uh- actually um, I uh, I scraped my finger earlier on one of the banners I was setting up and I think I got a papercut. I forgot to ask Maria about it earlier, but um, can you show me where the bandaids are upstairs again?” You tried your best to sound as casual as possible, but Javi knew just as well as you that there was no way in hell that you actually needed a bandaid. His brow scrunched in a slight confusion, head cocked to the side as if to say “I think I know where this is going and I’m not really sure it’s going to work” before giving you a little shrug, gesturing up towards the bathroom at the top of the stairwell, trying to keep his smug grin hidden between his lips. 

“Yeah, I uh- here, let me show you where they are and I can get you one before we go.” Before Steve or Connie could even muster a word in protest, Javi was already dragging you halfway up the stairs, barely letting you make it to the top of the stairway before closing the bathroom door behind you. 

“Band Aid, really? That was the best you could come up with?” Javi laughed under his breath, letting his hands roam down your sides and under the hem of your dress as his fingers dug into the meat of your ass, the heat of his breath tickling your skin where his lips met your neck, gently sucking at your pulse point, making a tiny moan escape from your mouth. 

“I needed to come up with something to get you alone for long enough to give you a proper goodbye before you left.” 

“And a Band Aid was the way to do that?” 

“Oh shut up.” You giggled, draping your arms over Javi’s neck, letting your hands roam through the curls at the nape of his neck before pulling him in tighter to let his lips crash into yours with an electric intensity, his fingertips gripping deeper into your flesh. 

“I don’t think-” Javi muttered between kisses, “I don’t think a bandaid is gonna buy us enough time to do anything, Hermosa.” 

“I know. I just needed this. Just needed to kiss your stupidly handsome face. I needed something before you left me to fend for myself. Plus,” you paused, pulling back to see the lovestruck grin spread between Javi’s cheeks, “only fair that I get a chance to recreate our first kiss.” You snickered, gesturing to the interior of Maria’s bathroom, where you had found yourself with Javi almost a year ago to the day, your lips meeting for the first time as you sat on the ledge of the sink after Javi had came to your aid when a shattered beer bottle had landed in your leg. 

“Fuck, I forgot our first kiss was in Maria’s bathroom. Real fucking smooth of me, huh?” Javi grumbled, rolling his eyes at his past self for letting your first kiss be in the bathroom of his Mom’s best friend’s house. 

“Smooth enough for me to wanna marry you, so I guess it all worked out okay, didn’t it?” You teased, planting one last kiss on his lips before shooting him a wink and slipping out the bathroom, your face warm and tingly from the rush of excitement tucked away with Javi in your impromptu makeout session. Javi ran his hand over his face, taking a moment to try and compose himself, shaking his head to himself in shock and delight at how he found himself falling more and more in love with you every day. 

“Okay, uh- sorry, sorry about that. Just didn’t wanna have to bother Maria for anything.” You sighed, darting your eyes away from Steve and Connie, their arms crossed against their chest with almost comically smug smirks on their faces as they watched you shuffle back down the stairs, Javi reluctantly trailing behind you. 

“Yeah? How’d that bandaid work out for ya?” Steve smiled with a shit eating grin, nodding to your hands, neither of them with a bandaid anywhere in sight. You let out a gulp, trying to quickly tuck your hands behind your back, your cheeks flushing pink with embarrassment. “Goddamn, you two gonna make it 3 hours without touching each other, or am I gonna have to bring him back here after hole 4 for a mid-round makeout?” 

“Jesus Christ, Murph, really?.” Javi grumbled, rolling his eyes. “Bye, love you. Have fun and I’ll see you soon.” Leaned over, snaking his arm around your waist to plant one last kiss in your hair. 

“Not soon enough, apparently…” 

“Murphy…” 

“Stop makin’ out and I’ll stop givin’ you shit.” 

“Touche…” You muttered under your breath, just loud enough to make the 4 of you burst into laughter, easing the uncomfortable tension that you had brought upon yourself from your antics. “Love you too, have fun getting your ass kicked.” 

“Yes, yes, out, out, out! It’s only 10 minutes until guests arrive and your truck is taking up all the room in the driveway! Out!” Stampeding into the living room, Maria waved her hands at the boys, quite literally shooing them out of the house after overhearing your goodbyes. Giving a quick wave to Javi as Maria kicked him and Steve to the curb, you caught Javi’s head whipping around for one last glance at you before you left, giving you a once over with his eyes and a soft smile on his face as the front door shut behind him. 

Truth be told, your shower ended up being way less painful than you expected it would be. In all honesty, it was actually somewhat enjoyable. The fact that your mom, co-workers, and Connie had put into helping everyone come together to celebrate you filled your heart with so much more joy than you could have predicted- your friends and family had bought you and Javi so many more gifts than you knew what to do with, had so many kind things to say about the two of you, and Connie had even gone out of her way to make sure that there were fun games planned for everyone to keep the need for constant socialization at bay. It really had ended up being a fun afternoon, even if it meant having to answer the same questions about your wedding, house and honeymoon plans more times than you could count. 

Javi, on the other hand, could not have been having a worse time on the golf course, getting his ass thoroughly handed to him by Steve hole after hole, wondering to himself how anyone could bring themself to genuinely enjoy the torture that had been the past two and a half hours of hacking his club into chunks of grass and loosing his golf balls in the brush. The only consoling factor was that Javi was grateful to spend time with Steve, even if it meant being berated by endless questions from him on top of his painful performance while he played. 

“You feelin’ ready for the big day?” Steve grunted, after smacking his driver against his ball from the tee box, Javi relieved that the pair were finally on the 9th and final hole. 

“Yeah, I mean- Oh fuck me-” Javi grumbled, hitting his club and watching his ball fly into a patch of trees, the opposite direction of where he was trying to aim for, “I still can’t believe I’m getting married.” 

“You and me both, Jav. I never thought I’d live to see the fuckin’ day, that’s for damn sure. Javier Peña, a married man.” Steve chuckled, slipping his club into his golf bag as Javi followed behind, grabbing what must have been the 57th golf ball from his bag this round. 

“Shut the fuck up, Murph.” Javi chuckled, shaking his head at his friends’ jab, the two of them hopping into the golf cart together to try and scavenge for Javi’s long lost ball. 

“I’m just given’ you shit, Jav. I’m fuckin’ happy for you man. Really happy. She’s a great girl. Best thing that’s ever happened to your sorry ass, I’ll tell you that much. Guess you don’t have to worry about really followin’ through this time?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You’re actually gonna get married this time? You’re not leavin’ her at the altar like Lorraine, huh?” As Steve laughed to himself, Javi could practically feel his stomach drop, his heart beginning to race as a wave of terrible guilt and panic washed over him at his friend’s ironic question. 

To his own shock and surprise, Javi hadn’t thought about his last lack of a wedding once since the two of you had gotten engaged. He had been so head over heels excited to spend the rest of his life with you, that the failures of his past engagement had been tucked far away in the back of his mind. But then again, no one had been so gracious as to bring up the knife to the chest that was leaving Lorraine at the altar, and no one had been so gracious as to bring it up in classic Steve Murphy fashion. 

Javi could audibly hear himself gulp, his heartbeat pounding so loud he could hear it ringing in his ears as the terrible reality of the past he had so glady forgotten about met him in a head on collision, instantly re-opening all of the cuts and wounds he had finally managed to sew together. 

The last time he almost got married, Javier Peña had astronomically fucked up the lives of every last person who cared about him, leaving nothing but chaos and heartbreak in his wake.   

Rationally, Javi could tell himself that his upcoming wedding was the polar opposite of everything that was once planned between him and Lorraine. Javi couldn’t have cared less about Lorraine. From the moment he had wearily accepted his fate, he had dreaded every moment of his future from that point on. But you were not Lorraine. 

Javi loved you. 

Javi cared about you. 

Javi wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with you and give you everything in the world you could possibly want. 

But, one mention of that 8 letter name had Javi’s brain flooding with every single doubt, regret, and painful memory of his past that he had fought so hard to forget. It had his mind reeling with every uncomfortable feeling of remembering the man he had been before you had come into his life and changed him for the better. He knew he was a better man. A stronger man. A man who was worthy of the love and compassion you had shown him from the moment you two had met. 

Or was he? 

“Earth to Javi? Hello? Anyone home?” Waving his hand in front of Javi’s face, Steve stared at Javi in confusion as to why it seemed like his friend had suddenly become lost in his own world as they pulled up to the patch of trees where his ball had most likely landed. 

“Uh yeah, uh- what, sorry, um, what did you say?” Javi asked, visibly trying to shake the thoughts from his head, painfully scrunching his face and running his hand through his hair before looking back over at Steve. 

“I asked if you were gonna go get the ball or if you just wanted to add to your +200 score and drop one here instead. Hey, you okay, man?” Steve questioned, pausing for a moment before asking the later half of his statement, seeing the color flushed from Javi’s face. 

“Uh, yeah- Yeah, sorry, I just, I’m good. I’ll um, I’ll just drop a ball.” Javi muttered half to himself as he stepped out of the cart, barely paying attention enough to even remember what in the world he was even looking for in his golf bag. 

If Javi wasn’t already thankful to be on the last hole before Steve’s comment, he sure as hell was now, mindlessly whacking his golf club with no regard as to how his ball made it to the green. Any thoughts about golf, let alone any previous attempts to even try to play well had now flown out the window, creeping thoughts of self doubt and resentment crawling through Javi’s mind. The rest of the round and the entire car ride back to Maria’s were spent in an internal battle ranging in Javi’s brain, the fight between the man he used to be and the man he’d thought he’d become rearing its ugly head with a painful intensity that absolutely felt like it was consuming him whole.  

Steve, who was just as oblivious to his friend’s distraught state as he was to the idiocracy of his sarcastic question, had chalked Javi’s quiet and somber mood up to being an overly sore loser after getting mercilessly crushed at golf. Little did he know that his one silly comment had sent Javi spiraling down a trail of crushing self-doubt. 

As the pair pulled into the driveway and made their way to the backyard where a few straggling party goers still lingered, trying to monopolize their time with you to get the details of your upcoming plans for the future. Being the attentive and patient person that you were, you were trying your hardest to seem enthused and engaged with in the conversation with who you thought was Javi’s Aunt’s Cousin (at this point, you had been introduced to so many new people, you were questioning your own name), but it wasn’t long before your future husband’s big, broad body entering the backyard had you more than distracted, your face instantly lighting up at the sight of him. Peeking over his Aunt’s cousin (or cousin’s aunt, you weren’t really sure) shoulder, you bit down on your lip to try and contain your excitement, letting a little wave shake from your hand in his direction. 

Javi wished that your sweet smile and beautiful self were enough to snap him out of his funk, to see how you beamed in excitement just at the sight of him and shot him that lovestruck look he’d never get sick of- but for some twisted reason, it only made him feel worse. 

You were everything- kind, smart, funny, the most breathtaking woman he’d ever seen. But what was he? Tired? Broken? A shitty guy who had done even shitter things, who had left nothing but destruction in his path for years and years, with no regard for who it hurt, or even worse, left for dead? How was he supposed to give you everything you deserved when he sure as fuck didn’t deserve you? 

Before you had even said a word to him, you could already sense something was off about Javi’s demeanor that was due to more than just losing to Steve in golf. Even from across the backyard, his forced smile and tired brown eyes had a worried pit swirling in the bottom of your stomach, politely excusing yourself from your conversation to make your way over to Javi. 

“Hi! You guys have fun at golf? Steve didn’t kick your ass too bad?” You grinned, wrapping your arms around Javi’s waist, pressing up on your toes to plant a kiss on his lips, his mouth barely ghosting over yours in return. 

“Yeah, it was um- yeah, it was fine.” Javi nodded, trying to make a smile appear between his pursed lips. “How was the shower? You uh, you ready for Steve and I to start putting things in the truck to bring over to the new house?” 

You immediately frowned in response, cocking your head in confusion at him. “Yeah, it was great, but hey, are- are you okay? You seem really off, like more than just Steve kicking your ass at golf off. Did something happen?” 

“No, I’m- yeah, I’m good, Hermosa.” Javi’s eyes darted towards the ground, trying his best to stifle his sigh before another fake smile spread across his face, his response making you even more concerned than you were before, seeing he was clearly lying to you. As much as you wanted to problem solve right then and there to figure out what had Javi so distressed, the calls of one of the last groups of party goers wanting to say their goodbyes rang across the backyard, you flashing them a quick smile and a wave to signal you’d be over in a second. Before you could try and get anything else out of Javi, he had already backed himself away from your hands still tangled around his waist, nodding towards the group of women who were not so patiently waiting for you. “Go say goodbye, I’ll start loading stuff up.” 

“Um, I- uh, yeah, o-okay. Thanks.” You murmured, half to yourself, as Javi had already begun to walk away to find Steve to help him start carrying things out to the car, leaving you more anxious and confused with every passing second. 

With goodbyes finished, and decor and party setup cleaned up just as fast as Maria had demanded it to be put up, you and Javi made your way to your now packed car, followed by Connie and Steve, who had asked to see the progress on your new house while they were in town. You figured you’d kill two birds with one stone, inviting them over and having them help to unload gifts in the same trip, but now, given the strangely somber mood that Javi couldn’t seem to shake, you really wished it was just the two of you so you could figure out what the hell was going on. 

You and Javi piled into his truck, Steve and Connie hopping into theirs and following you down Maria’s street towards your new house. A stark silence filled the car, praying to yourself that maybe Javi just wanted to be alone before he said anything about his current state, but 5 minutes down the road without a single word falling from his lips, you had a devastating feeling that wasn’t going to be the case. 

Your leg bounced against the seat, fingers nervously drumming in your lap, letting out a quiet sigh to yourself before looking over at Javi and mustering up the courage to try and interrogate. 

“Sooooo, golf was fun? I love ya, but I think it’s probably safe to assume Steve won?” You quietly snickered, trying your best to stay nonchalant. 

“Yeah, it was good, Steve won, but that’s no surprise because I suck at golf.” Javi mumbled to himself, barely glancing your direction from behind the yellow tinted aviators perched on the bridge of his nose. Normally, if either of you had something that self-deprecating to say, it was at least followed by some sort of a joke or laugh, but his comment ended with nothing but a stoic silence as his hands gripped tighter around the steering wheel. 

“Hey, babe, it’s okay, you don’t ever golf, so it’s hard to expect yourself to be good at something you rarely ever do.” You reached over to grab his arm to reassure him, that unsettling and anxious pit beginning to grow in your stomach again with the way Javi was acting. All he could muster was a half hearted huff in response, signaling to you that whatever was happening was much bigger than a poor game of golf. 

“Javi… Baby, what’s going on? Did something happen with Steve?” 

“It’s nothing.” 

“It’s clearly not nothing, Jav. Did I do something wrong?” 

“No, I told you, it’s fine.” 

“Javi, it obviously isn’t fine if this is the way you’re acting about it. Why won’t you talk to me about it? I just wanna-” 

“I told you, it’s fine, okay!? Jesus, I don’t need you to solve all my problems.”

Oh.  

You and Javi had been in arguments before, hell, you’d been in fights before, but never once in the time that you’d known him, had Javi snapped at you like this. You could practically feel yourself recoiling in your seat from the harsh tone of his voice, fighting back the tears that had instantly begun welling in your eyes. You could feel your heart in your throat, choking down a heavy gulp as your lip quivered to try and keep from crying. 

What had gone so wrong that Javi was acting like this? 

You wish you had it in you to dig it out of him, but as you pulled up the driveway of your new home, Steve and Connie right behind you, ready for a tour, the best you could muster was a quiet, “O-okay.” As soon as the car was in park, Javi was unbuckling his seatbelt and slamming the door behind him, leaving you behind in the car, trying everything in your power to not become a startled, sobbing mess. 

Wiping away the wetness pooling behind your eyelids, you swiped the back of your hand against your cheeks, taking a few deep breaths before following behind, mustering up as much courage as you could to keep your cool for however long Steve and Connie were planning to stick around before heading back to San Antonio. 

You had hoped that Steve and Connie hadn't picked up on the palpable tension brewing between you and Javi, trying your best to put on a brave face as you paraded the Murphy’s through your nearly completed house. To be quite honest, you couldn’t have recalled anything that had happened in the time that they were there, your mind racing in torment as you watched Javi brood around your new home, barely saying a word to you, let alone make any eye contact, or look in your general direction. 

As the four of you made your way upstairs, your attention was finally caught by the low lull of Steve’s laughter as he situated himself between you and Javi, grabbing you both by the shoulders and shaking you in his grasp. 

“Well I’ll be damned. Y’all got enough rooms up here to house half a baseball team! You want that many kids driving ya nuts, huh?” Steve chuckled, making his way down the hallway, peeking into the empty bedrooms of your 2nd story. 

“Steve!” Connie scolded, slapping the back of her hand against Steve’s stomach for his comment. 

“What?! I’m just sayin’! I thought y’all would want like, 2, but there’s enough room for way more than that. I mean, I guess you two are fuckin’ goin’ at it like rabbits all the time, so I can’t really be shocked.” 

“Steven Edward Murphy! Jesus Christ!” Connie snapped, shooting Steve a dangerous glare, aggressively raising an eyebrow at her husband as she gestured towards you and Javi. 

“No, it’s okay, we don’t know for sure how many we want, but we figured if we had the space we’d add the rooms and even if they’re not bedrooms, they’ll still get used.” You had it in you enough to force a half smile across your face, flashing it at Steve and Connie before looking over at Javi. 

While you hadn’t expected much of a response from him given the current situation, what you weren’t expecting was the panic stricken look painting Javi from head to toe. 

If you weren’t already worried out of your mind about what the fuck was going on with Javi, you sure as fuck were now.  

“Uh, I um- yeah.”

Those were the only words Javi was able to choke out through the audible thumps pounding in his chest as his face went ghost white, eyes peeled to the ground. 

“See, Steve? You’re making them uncomfortable! You have absolutely no filter, I swear! I’m so sorry, you guys!” Connie frantically apologized, giving Steve another hardy slap in the stomach, making him wince. 

“I’m just jokin’, Jesus Christ, sorry!” Steve grumbled, holding up his hands in defense from his wife’s accusation, sheepishly looking over at you and Javi with a little shrug. 

“No, it’s uh- no, it’s fine, don’t worry about it.” You had given up on trying to be convincing at this point, your voice quietly shaking as you stared at Javi, now looking like a terrified, ragged shell of himself. 

What the fuck was going on? Did Javi want to wait to have kids? Did he not want to have that many? Was he having second thoughts about kids all together? Fuck, was he having second thoughts about getting married? He’s literally never acted like this before. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

You were sure at this point, you probably looked just as much of a mess as Javi did, letting your thoughts race wildly throughout your brain, the silence now lingering between the four of you now seemed to feel deafening, Connie beginning to pick up on the uneasiness festering between you and Javi and knowing she had enough common sense for her and Steve to pick up her cue to see herself out. 

“Well, still, I’m sorry. We should probably get going anyways, we told the sitter we’d be back around 6 so we should probably hit the road. Thank you so much for the tour! The shower was beautiful and I’m so glad I could be there for it. We’ll see you guys for the big day soon! Just let me know if you need any help with wedding stuff between now and then okay?” 

“Uh yeah, yeah of course. Thanks for all your help, Con. I’ll um- I’ll let you know if we need anything.” You stammered as Connie pulled you in for a hug goodbye, followed quickly by Steve, who planted a few pats on your back mid hug. 

“Bye sweetheart, thanks for letting me steal this asshole for golf today. See y’all when you’re gettin’ ready to get hitched! Adios, loser.” Steve chuckled as he pulled away from your hug to tug Javi into another, giving him an even harder pat on the back before letting Connie say her goodbyes as well. 

“Do you want me to walk you guys down to your-” 

“Nah, we’ll find our way out, no worries. Bye lovebirds, see ya soon.” Steve grinned, giving the both of you one last wave farewell before disappearing down the stairs, their hushed bickers about Steve’s unnecessary comments quietly trailing behind them. Before you could even get a word out to Javi now that the two of you were alone, he was already halfway down the stairs behind the Murphy’s, not even bothering to look back at you as he mumbled under his breath. 

“I’m gonna get the gifts out of the car and go sit outside.” 

“Jav, wait, I-” 

You could feel the lump beginning to swell in your throat, your bottom lip trembling with tears welling in your eyes as you watched Javi storm down the stairs without even so much as an attempt to care about what you had to say, leaving you with nothing but yourself and 5 empty bedrooms that now had you questioning everything you thought you knew about your future with Javi. You felt your body begin to collapse like a sad pile of jello as you melted into a sobbing puddle on the floor, bringing your knees to your chest as you cried into the flowy fabric of your dress, leaving wet stains behind from your tears. Your breaths were rapid and shaky with each muffled sob, trying to rationally grasp on to something, anything, as to why Javi was acting this way. But the more the gears frantically turned in your brain, the more irrational and terrifying your thoughts became. 

This all happened so fucking fast. It’s only been a year since I’ve known him. Is he realizing it’s too much? Am I too much? This was all too fucking good to be true, wasn’t it, you fucking idiot. 

Taking a few more minutes to collect yourself enough to at least stop full on sobbing, you wiped your wet cheeks with the back of your palm, inhaling a trembling deep breath as you mustered up every ounce of courage you could find to face whatever fate was waiting for you downstairs with Javi. 

Each step down the stairs felt heavier than the last, leaving your fingers anxiously drumming against your legs as you saw Javi’s broad body hunched over the side of the unfinished back patio, staring out to the tall grass of your backyard swaying in the warm summer breeze. If it were any other time, you would have rushed up behind him, wrapping your body around his back and attacking him with kisses until the two of you were wound up in a fit of laughter and giggles, happily tangled in each other's bodies. 

Right now, you were terrified to even step too close to him. 

Carefully and quietly sliding open the glass door to the porch, you prayed with every bone in your body you weren’t going to do anything that set Javi off enough to even let you attempt to have a conversation with him about what was going on. The new wood softly creaked under your shoes, making Javi turn his head just enough to acknowledge your presence as you wearily approached him. Taking one more deep breath, you opened your mouth to speak, but with your jaw hanging open, Javi’s words filled the stark silence before yours could. 

“I don’t know if we should get married.” 

Fuck. 

You could practically feel your heart sink to the bottom of your stomach, like the weight of 1,000 bricks had been dropped on your body all at once, hearing that come out of his mouth. You could have mentally tried to brace yourself for a lot of things, but hearing Javi tell you he didn't want to get married anymore sure as hell wasn't one of them.

“Javi, I- baby, what- I don’t- I don’t-” 

“Why the fuck do you even wanna marry me?” 

Your brows scrunched in pain and confusion at the sharp tone of his words, desperate to try and understand what point he was trying to prove in this gut wrenching game he seemed to be playing. 

“Because I- Javi, I- Javi I love you, that’s why.” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper as you sat down next to him on the edge of the porch, leaning over enough to see the tears glistening down his cheeks, his eyes red and puffy as he tried to stifle the sobs rumbling in his chest. He shook his head back and forth before his gaze fell into his lap. 

“You shouldn’t love me.” 

“Javi… what the fuck are you talking about?” you plead, feeling the pain and hurt creeping through your body as you watched the tears he was so desperately trying to fight. With a scornful scoff, Javi shook his head, pressing against his knees to stand, taking a few paces around the porch, burying his hands in his face, his words muffled and muted by his palms covering his mouth. 

“What the fuck am I- I’m not- I’m not what you deserve. I don’t understand how you don’t fucking see that.” 

You followed suit, bringing yourself to stand with your arms crossed tightly across your chest, staring at Javi in bewilderment, biting down on your tongue so hard to keep from bursting into tears you thought you were going to make it bleed. You could feel the storm of pain, anger and confusion brewing deep in the pit of your stomach, your body numb and mind blank. 

“Javier. What the fuck is going on? I don’t understand why-” 

“Because last time I was gonna get married I fucked up everything. For everyone. I hurt everyone I cared about. I went half way around the world and I spent a decade fucking things up even more. How do you know I’m not gonna fuck everything up again? I love you too much to let it happen to you. The thought of ever hurting you even half as I much as I’ve hurt anyone else because of my choices fucking kills me. I can’t do it. I can’t hurt you like I’ve hurt everyone else. I’d never fucking forgive myself. I love you more than anything, Osita. I love you more than anything in the world. You deserve someone who isn’t going to hurt you. Someone who will do right by you, by your family, your future children, I just- fuck- I don’t think that person can be me.” 

A deafening silence hung in the air as you stared blankly at Javi, tears streaming from his tormented brown eyes, his body trembling with devastation and regret. You had no doubt your body mirrored his as the guilt and heartbreak flooded you from head to toe, wondering how in the world you had ever let the man you loved and cared about more than anything feel like he wasn’t enough for you. 

You wished you could speak- to find the words to tell him that he was your everything, the glue that had put you back together when you were convinced there was nothing else that could mend the broken mess that you had become. You wished you could express to him that there was no one on the face of this earth that you would rather spend the rest of your life with than him- that there was no one else you wanted by your side through every moment of your life, the good, the bad and the ugly, more than him. You wished there was a way to tell him that you loved him more than anything, but in that moment, all you could do was grab him and wrap your arms around his waist, squeezing him as tightly as your body would let you, letting your wet face rest against the familiar warmth of his chest as you whispered into the soft fabric of his shirt. 

“Javier Peña, you’re the only person it could be.” 

You could feel his chest begin to rumble with heavy sobs as his arms draped around you, pulling you against his body so closely, it was like his life depended on it, like he couldn’t bear the thought of ever letting you go again. One arm stayed wrapped around your back as the other slid up the back of your neck, his broad palm cradling your head in his grasp, his fingers practically digging into your skin to keep you close as the two of you let yourselves do nothing but hold each other in your teary silence. 

You let one of your hands reach up towards Javi’s face, cupping his jaw and forcing his gaze back on to you, as your thumb traced back and forth along his cheek, wiping away the wetness that had been welling in his eyes. 

“I need you to listen to me, okay?” You asked, waiting until you felt Javi’s head gently nod up and down in understanding in your palm before you continued, “The man you were before doesn’t scare me. If it did, I would have been gone a long time ago. The man you were before has turned you into the man that you’ve become. The man that I want to spend everyday with for the rest of my life. Every good day, every bad day, every painful, hard and shitty day, and every day in between. And I promise that I will spend every last one of those days until the day I die trying my best to convince you that you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And if I die trying, then so be it. I love you, Javi. Don’t you ever think for a second that there is anyone out there that I want to spend the rest of my life with more than you, and I won’t ever let you forget it.” 

It was only moments before both of Javi’s hands were cradling your face, gently trembling as they cupped your soft, wet skin as you locked eyes with his, watching his face shift from terrified to bewildered, thinking he must have misheard what you had just said to him. 

“Osita, I-” 

“Promise me.” 

“Promise you what?” 

“Promise me that you believe me. Promise me that you know I love you more than anything.”

There was a part of Javi’s brain that wished he could find something to prove that he couldn’t. To prove he wasn’t worthy of keeping the promise you had made to him. To convince himself that he had no reason to believe he was worthy of the love you had given him.

But the truth was, for the first time that he could remember, as he looked down at you, the woman who had taken his life and forever changed it for the better, who had helped to heal him in ways he didn’t know he needed, who had cared for him in ways he never thought he deserved, and who had stood by him even as you learned about the ugliest parts of him he never thought he’d forgive himself for, Javier Peña finally realized he had learned what it was like to be worthy of love. 

You had made him realize he was worthy of being loved. 

A small gulp slid down his throat between his shaky breaths, taking a moment to soak in everything about you, before letting his lips ghost across yours as a quiet whisper left his mouth. 

“I promise.” 

And just like that, his lips crashed into yours with a ferocious and tender passion, soaking in every ounce of the sweet flavor of you, a taste he knew he would never tire of, one that he craved like nothing else. 

“I love you, Osita. Fuck, I love you so much.” Javi moaned between your kisses, praying with every bone in his body you knew how much he meant it. 

“I love you too, Javi.” The hot breath of your words danced across his lips before they were crashing together once again, his tongue swiping between your parted mouths as he ran his hand down your back and around your waist, pulling you so close you were convinced your bodies were going to melt into one as you pressed against his broad chest, now needily grasping at fist fulls of his shirt. 

In that moment, it was like the two of you could feel something in the air change. The tension lifting, the frustrated fog fading, the both of you desperately needing the other to know how much you loved them. The Javi you knew and loved had come back, returning home to you. All of the fear and sadness was replaced by a rampant desperation to know how much you needed him, almost as much as he needed to show you how hopelessly he craved you, too. 

With your bodies still tangled together, your kisses became messier and sloppier as you backed your way towards the door that lead inside, stumbling and trampling over each other’s feet without any regard for where you were headed until you felt your back bump against the kitchen island, the rounded edges of the countertop stopping you in your tracks as Javi caged you between his broad figure and the island. 

Both of your hands were now feverishly roaming across each other’s bodies before Javi had run his hands down your thighs, hoisting you up to sit on the countertop, planting hot, wet kisses across your neck and collarbone while his fingers crept under the hem of your dress, his palms sliding up and down your legs, digging his fingers into your flesh. 

“Javi…” You whimpered, letting your eyes close and head fall back as he sucked at your pulse point, leaving you with one hand bracing yourself against the edge of the counter and the other with your fingers wrapped around the navy fabric of Javi’s shirt, clinging on for dear life. 

You eyes opened, and gaze shifted downwards as you felt Javi pull away from your grasp, watching him drop to his knees, slotting himself between your parted legs and kissing the inside of your thighs while his hands tugged at the waistband of your already soaked underwear, hastily shuffling them to fall down your legs and pool at your ankles. His needy kisses up your thighs crept closer and closer to your core as your legs draped over his shoulders, kneeling before you like you were the altar of everything he worshiped as his deep brown eyes looked up at yours, like he was begging for forgiveness for his sins. 

“I’m so sorry, Osita. I’m so sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it. Fuck, I love you so much. Let me show me how much I love you. Please, baby. Please let me show you how much I need to be yours.” 

Your response was nothing but a ragged moan as you felt his hot breath hovering over your cunt before letting long, flat licks of his tongue drag through your folds, each swipe pressing firmer than the last, lapping up the arousal dripping from your entrance like a sweet nectar. With one hand still white knuckling the edge of the countertop, the other shot down to bury itself in the dark curls of Javi’s thick locks, tugging at ends to find some place to ease your tension as he began to flick and swirl his tongue relentlessly against your clit, lapping you up like a man starved. 

“Oh fuck Javi- fuck- you feel so good, baby.” You moaned, raking your fingers along Javi’s scalp as you watched his head bob nestled between your legs, feeling the low hum of satisfaction thrumming in his throat as he began to suck your sensitive bundle of nerves, latching his lips around your clit as his mouth worked feverishly against your cunt. You could already feel the tingle beginning to grow at the base of your spine and spread to your legs as Javi found every sweet spot that he knew made you lose all control, desperate to make you feel how much he needed your love and forgiveness. 

“That’s it, sweet girl. Let go for me baby, I’ve got you.” Javi hummed before diving back between your legs, tightening his grip around your thighs as his tongue danced around your clit relentlessly. It wasn’t long before you could feel your orgasm begin to flood your body, pleasure crashing through you as you cried out his name, a death grip clutching around the counter and Javi’s dark locks. Javi worked you through your high, drinking up the juices of your slick as you came, feeling your legs tremble as they stayed slung over his broad shoulders, not stopping until your body was shaking and your whimpers and moans had become so wrecked, he had no choice but to stop to relish in the blissed out, dripping mess he had made you. He would have loved to stay like this forever, watching you become more and more wrecked beneath his tongue, the want, no, need, to be buried inside your heat, getting lost in your wetness and warmth, savoring in the way no one else would ever be able to have you like he did, to know that you were his. 

Javi worked in a determined silence, rusting with his belt buckle until the metal clangs of it opening had his pants and boxers in a puddle around his ankles, splaying kisses across your neck as he slid you towards the edge of the counter, his fingers digging into your hips with a bruising intensity. He stroked himself a few times as he lined his cock up with your entrance, guiding his tip through the glistening arousal covering your folds, leaving his dick shiny with your slick as you whimpered into his skin. 

“Javi… Please, baby. I need you.” You whimpered, instinctively bucking your hips towards him, desperately craving him to ease the achy emptiness between your legs. 

Resting his forehead against yours, the dark, damp curls of his hair brushed your skin, the hot and heavy heat of each of your shaky breaths melting into one another’s as your lips ghosted his, only fully meeting yours to catch the moan that had escaped your mouth as he pushed himself into your heat, letting himself bottom out, his tip brushing against your cervix. You couldn’t help but wrap your legs around the small of his back and drape your arms over his shoulders, desperate to have your bodies needily tangled and intertwined together as you savored in the sweet sting and stretch of his fullness. 

He began to rock his hips, letting his cock drag in and out of your cunt, taking his time with each stroke, the movement making you dig your fingernails into the fabric of his shirt stretched over his muscular back, in turn, making the grip he had around your waist even tighter, his fingers buried in the soft flesh of your stomach where his hands had crept under your dress. 

The way he punched up into you, perfectly pounding against your g-spot with each thrust, combined with the way the hairs at his base rubbed along your clit, already had the inevitable coil beginning to tighten in your belly. You dug your nails deeper into Javi’s skin, grasping for the damp curls at the nape of his neck, your whimpers growing louder and more desperate with each stroke as you could feel yourself beginning to crumble beneath him. 

Each stroke seemed to become deeper and fuller than the last, Javi’s pace now climbing in speed and intensity as he felt your cunt clench tighter and tighter around his cock, knowing that familiar feeling meant you were coming closer to your end. You could barely muster anything but a whimper, your soft pleads and begs going straight to his dick as he slid and out of your wet heat. 

“Fuck baby, don’t stop- ahhhh- please don’t stop, I’m so close.” 

The lewd sounds of skin hitting skin and low, ragged moans echoed against the bare walls of your unfinished kitchen as Javi fucked deeper and deeper into you, singing sweet, soft praises against your skin between locking your lips with yours. 

“Fuck- Dámelo, Hermosa (Give it to me, beautiful). Need to feel you soak my cock before I fuck you full of me. It’s okay mi amor- mierda- té tengo. (my love- shit- I’ve got you.) I’ve always got you. Forever.” 

You could feel your legs lock even tighter around Javi’s waist as heat began to bloom in your belly, only needing a few more thrusts as you rolled your hips against his before your mind went blank and vision went white, your orgasm crashing through your body and flooding every inch of you with pleasure so intense, you could feel yourself going limp in his grasp. 

“Fuck, Javi, fuck, fuck, fuck, oh my god-ahhhhhhhh-” You whimpered as Javi fucked you through your high, now desperate to chase his own as his thrusts became rushed and sloppy, pounding into you as your walls gripped around his cock like a vice. Your warmth and wetness consumed him, only needing a few more pumps before he could feel himself following suit, hissing through gritted teeth as incoherent babbles spilled from his lips. 

“There it is, baby. Fuck- fuck, you’re so fucking perfect. I love you so much, Osita. Con todo mi corazón. (With my whole heart). Oh fuck- I’m yours forever. Oh shit, I’m gonna cum to, oh fuckkkkkk.” 

With one last thrust, Javi finished buried deep inside you, hot ropes of his cum coating your walls as a slick mixture of spend leaked down your thighs, leaving him panting while he slumped into your shoulder, his chest heaving with labored breaths, trying to compose himself. Bracing himself with one palm flat against the counter next to your hip, his other hand reached up to your face, brushing away a piece of stray hair back into place before gently cupping your cheek as he spoke. 

“Osita, baby, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you so much. I didn’t mean what I said earlier, I just- fuck- I’ve never been so sure of anything, but when we were at golf today, Steve brought up Lorraine, and I- I just was so scared I was gonna fuck everything up again, and I-” 

“Oh God, he brought up Lorraine?! Jesus. I knew it. I knew this was Steve’s fucking fault.” You sighed, quietly laughing to yourself as you shook your head. 

“Wait, how did you-” 

“Because it just seemed so strange that you were acting like this all of a sudden. You got back from golfing with him and it was like you were a different person. I mean, I’m not gonna lie, I was freaked out and panicking wondering what happened because you’ve never acted like that before. That, and because I love Steve, but he’s an idiot.” The two of you were both now laughing, Javi rubbing his hand over his face before rolling his eyes, wondering to himself how he had really let his friend’s stupid comment get the best of him. 

“I’m so sorry, Osita. I should have just ignored it, I just hadn’t thought about it in so long and I was so terrified to mess everything up again. It would kill me to hurt you like that.” His thumb circled around your cheek as he tilted your gaze to meet his, sincerity and remorse swirling in the dark pools of his chocolate brown eyes. 

“Javi, listen, if this is moving too fast, or it’s too much for you, I want you to be able to tell me, I understand if-” Before you could finish your sentence, Javi’s lips were planted tenderly against yours, pulling away from your mouth with a goofy grin and satisfied sigh. 

“I promise you, I’ve never wanted anything more. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I can’t wait to marry you,” he leaned in, pressing a quick kiss on your cheek, “I can’t wait to live in our new house with you,” he grinned, planting another ticklish kiss on your neck, “I can’t wait until we can finally start filling up these empty rooms with little baby Peñas” Javi chuckled, now peppering kisses all over your body, making you erupt in a fit of laughter and giggles, squirming and flailing in his grasp, playfully swatting at him. “I can’t wait to spend every day for the rest of my life with the most beautiful, amazing woman I’ve ever met.” He smirked, tilting his head to let your mouths meet again, this kiss filled with a tender passion and intensity unmatched by his previous playful ones. 

It was the kind of kiss that said all of the things that words couldn’t. The kind of kiss that had butterflies fluttering in your stomach like the first kiss you had shared in Maria’s bathroom almost a year ago. The kind of kiss that made you fall even deeper in love with him, even when you thought you couldn’t. 

It was also the kind of kiss  where everything else in the world seemed to melt away and make time stand still, a kiss that you could have stayed lost in forever… unless a certain someone hadn’t forgotten his wallet at your house and needed to come back and get it. 

You were so oblivious to anything else happening around you, that neither you or Javi had heard your front door open, followed by the rushed, impatient footsteps of Steve and Connie, arguing about where Steve could have left his wallet, and how on earth he could have left without realizing it was missing from its usual home in his back pocket. 

“Seriously, Steve, I can’t believe we’re gonna waste a whole hour having to turn around and come back here because you couldn’t remember your wallet!” 

“Con, I told you, it’s right on the counter, I know where it is, lemme just go grab it really quick and then we ca- Oh Jesus fucking Christ!” Steve shouted, walking into the kitchen to see you and Javi making out on your island, your dress pushed up well past your legs, and Javi’s bare ass on display from his pants still pooling around his ankles. 

“Ahhhhh!” You and Javi shrieked, practically jumping out of your skin to see Steve’s tall and lanky frame frozen in your kitchen, now scrambling to try and fix your clothes and hair to try and save yourselves at least some dignity. 

“What the hell are you two doin’?!” Steve grimaced, trying not to cackle to himself as Connie rushed up behind him to see what was happening, only to very quickly cover her eyes and turn away from you and Javi. 

“Us?! What the hell are you doing here? Jesus, you ever heard of fucking knocking, Murph?!” Javi groaned, shuffling his pants back up and fixing his hair before helping you off the counter, trying your best to hide your beet red, embarrassed face. 

“I forgot my wallet! Forgive me for thinkin’ you two would keep your hands off each other for long enough to let me come pick it up in peace.” Steve frowned, raising up his hands in defense. 

“I’m sorry! I told him to call you to let you know he was coming to pick it up, but he seemed to think it wasn’t a big deal.” Connie scolded, giving Steve a forceful nudge of her elbow before finally turning back around to face you and Javi, knowing you were at least halfway decent. “God, I love you, but you are an idiot.” 

“You can say that again…” You snickered under your breath, just loud enough to make Javi and Connie join in your laughter, leaving Steve with his arms crossed over his chest, rolling his eyes in annoyance. 

“Hey, listen. Call me what you want, but I don’t think you’ll be callin’ me an idiot when you need me to come babysit your 47 kids so the two of you can get some…” He paused gesturing to you and Javi’s disheveled state, “... time to yourselves. Like I said earlier, y’all gotta lot of rooms to fill, and I don’t think you’re gonna have any problem doin’ it.” 

And for as much as you wanted to give Steve the ten pounds of shit he deserved, as you looked up at Javi standing next to you, you couldn’t really even bring yourself to be mad. Because in the end, the only thing that mattered was him- the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with. The one who was your future, the one who stood with you through every twist and turn, the one who was your home. What started as a day that had you questioning everything had turned into one that had never made you feel more assured. You knew that Javier Peña loved you more than life itself, and you knew that you were so lucky to spend the rest of your life getting to prove to him over and over that you loved him just as much. 

Taglist:

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[threepandas]

Bad End: Nobody's Here

You ever have an imaginary friend? How about someone else's?

Every kid gets 'um. They're hardly strange or new. But the thing is? You're supposed to grow OUT of them. As you develop real connections to actual entities. It's dangerous not too. Yeah, it still happens, but any instructor worth their salt is trained to catch it. See the symptoms and signs.

Cause, see, when you have MAGIC?

Imaginary friends?

Becomes a parasite.

They don't MEAN too, obviously. Usually. They just want to LOVE their friends. Stay with them. Exsist. And really, who would WANT to die? WANT to stop existing? The problem, though, is the kids themselves. Their untrained, unintentional, focus and feeding. Their giving an IDEA? Life.

It's not malicious. They just PRETEND. Play. Focus all their little hearts on this TOTALLY REAL friend of theirs. And their magic? Metaphorically shrugs, agrees to go along with it, and tries to make it SO. Make that concept, that illusion, a real sentient being. Who, of course , is their friend.

Their BEST friend. Family! Someone who will NEVER leave them. Always prioritize THEM. Enable THEM.

Not healthy in the slightest, to put it mildly. A child's CONCEPT of what they THINK they want. That quickly becomes far, far too much to handle. That does not GROW with them. No. It drains them instead. Siphoning away their magic until there's nothing left. Killing them both.

If you can seperate them? The Friends can USUALLY become some sort of Spirit, if you send them off to a magic rich environment to finish growing properly. Sooner the better. The longer you wait, the more twisted they become, after all. They never become STRONG spirits, mind you. But that's not the point. Protecting both child and their unintentional creation is.

Now, you may be wondering, why the lecture? It's a fascinating bit of magical trivia. Some early childhood's training pitfalls to look out for, perhaps? Is this about why there are so many minor spirits around schools? What, exactly, brought this UP?

Nobody.

Don't I mean "nothing"? No One? That sentence's not exactly grammatically correct, after all. Ha ha... I AM AWARE. I know what I said. And I meant EXACTLY what I said. It's a NAME. Their name. There is an Imaginary Friend, that I DID NOT ASK FOR, by the name of Nobody. I do NOT know how they've come to be attached to me. I certainly didn't create them! And they are far, FAR to well developed to be new.

I did not ACCEPT an imaginary friend.

Yes, they CAN be transmitted. Hop, from one host to another. But! You have to let them IN... presumably. That IS the common knowledge. The general consensus. No one has ever really... studied the phenomena.

I mean... how COULD you? Realistically? They only develop in CHILDREN. Small children. What ethical researcher would EVER consent to feeding toddlers to a magical parasite? And it's not like THEY understand themselves. They barely REMAIN themselves. It's basically a larval state to them.

The thing they WERE, before they were freed to become something MORE.

So Nobody? By all modern magical research? Should not exsist. Yet he clearly DOES. Worse, he is very, VERY strong. Did not need to ask. I just? Woke up one day, and there he was. Wrapped up in my mind, body, and magic. Feeding off me.

It's an entirely bearable amount. I can support it easily. But it's the fact that I DID NOT VOLUNTEER TOO that is the problem. That NO ONE can figure out HOW he got in. HOW he did it.

I've had to go into isolation. Complete quarantine.

As the joke goes... good news is? They might just name something after you!

..........it's not as funny, when I really might just die. When it all might be random. Some great cosmic "wrong place, wrong time" scenario. My final days filled with desperate research. My only company the very creature that kills me. It... it feels very much like a sick joke at my expense.

At the very least? We are learning more then we've ever known before. I'm an adult. Hardier. And Nobody is a FAR more developed example of his species then the normal breed. I'll likely last longer. I... I hope I last longer.

"Muuu~ are you being a sad sack again~? Darling, no!" Arms from thin air. Monochrome greys with pointed nails, slid like a lover over my shoulders as weight from nowhere settled against my back. Tall and looming. "Was it because you missed me~☆? Oh, oh! I bet it WAS! Oh my dearest, starlight, baby girl~! I missed you TOO! Aren't you glad we're back together AGAIN?"

Black gloved hands, grey talon nails. Skin like a drawing brought to life. The arms draped over my shoulders reached forward, long finger spread like a cat stretching their paws, powerful muscles heavy on either side of my neck. They hadn't closed in a "hug" just yet. But it was always a warning he could. That playing along meant he would hug my body instead of my fragile, fragile neck.

Ha! Right. He says hug. I say choke hold.

It was the other set of arms that kept me from escaping. Pulling away immediately. It always did. He kept getting the drop on me. Arms cradling my waist. Pressing me close to a pillar of static-y muscle. Ever shifting between warm and cold, the subtle give of flesh and the brutal unyielding of something harder then stone. He was as his moods commanded.

An unstable jester, a demon, the childhood whimsy of god knows how many, left to fester and rot. At... gods, at least he wasn't attached to any kids. Hadn't so much as asked after any.

His too wide grin pressed to the top of my head in a nuzzling kiss, the point of his mask digging a line across my scalp. When he was feeling kinder, he tended to pick masquerade masks. Clothe ones, usually silk. Sometimes velvet. This one was... plastic? Durable. Some smooth, hard to place, substance really. If it was mimic anything real at all.

A pointed nail poked my cheek.

"Not~ Paying~ Attention~ To Meeee~! Naughty, bad girl! The LOVE OF YOUR LIFE is right here? And you ignore him? So COLD!" Nobody whines right into my ear. His voice petulant, yet still somehow mocking. He doesn't HAVE to let me ignore him. And he KNOWS that. We both do. "I go away for HOURS! Disappear for DAYS! And do you even MISS me~?! Oh! Oh, my love is so CRUEL! My heartless darling! I suffer so~!"

At most, it had been half an hour.

Wish it had been longer. Permanent, maybe. Every day... Every SINGLE Day? I wish I could could back to my old research projects. Back to my old projects. I may not have been some living legend or grand Master of the arts? But, fuck it. I was HAPPY. Woke up each day and got to fiddle around with cool bits of magic. Neat little bits and gizmos.

Now? NOW I am the lead researcher on the Imaginary Friend Construct Phenomenon, by virtue of being the only living adult who HAS one. A developed one at least. The notes from Ashridge Institute DO help, but? Even they admit that thanks to the safety regulations in place? Their data might be skewed.

I'm not alone in this. Countless academics, doctors, healers, researchers, and more are working tirelessly to try and help me. Make the most of this nightmare scenario. Use it to save lives. I... I KNOW this. I do. But it doesn't make it less frightening. Trying to dance the edge of not engaging and engaging too much.

Ignoring him? Means escalation. Violent escalation and destruction of my immediate surroundings. Imaginary friends cease to exist if you ignore them long enough. It's painful to them, since they are cognito-hazardous parasites who define themselves by their host. They NEED you to pay attention to them. WANT you too. Will do ANYTHING IT TAKES to make that happen.

But on the other hand? I can't risk FEEDING him. He's already far, FAR too strong.

He doesn't even seem to actually NEED to feed of me anymore. It appears vestigial. He just WANTS it. Still retains the metaphorical "pain" or "hunger" nerve endings that get set off by an extended lack of focus. Yet, at the SAME time? Why keep them? He LITERALLY did not have too!

Nothing! Not a gods' damned THING! Was KEEPING him an Imaginary Friend.

He could, at ANY point, just... STOP.

They defined themselves. Yes, by their hosts. But ALSO by their own whims. So if HE wanted to be a fire spirit? Bam! Fire spirit. Complete racial shift. He'd lose his old powers, granted, but he'd GAIN all the powers of a fire spirit. So why this? Why STAY a violent, dangerous, openly unstable parasite?

The poking finger slide down my cheek, under my jaw. Only to flip, like a switch, to a near painful hand, clamped across my lower face. Nails prickling where they dug just slightly into fragile skin. Iron strength moved my head slowly, not giving me a choice, but just gentle enough not to wrench anything.

"Stop. Ignoring Me. Lovely~" I was just tall enough to be eye level with those inhuman teeth. Not sharp, but wrong none the less. His grip around my waist threatened to squeeze the air out of me. "I don't LIKE it. You're being MEAN. You don't want us to be MEAN to each other, right?"

I focused on him. Put down my notes like he wanted. Watching as his grin spread inhumanly. The near painful grips relaxed.

"See? Better! Such lovely eyes~ I wanna gobble um up! Crawl inside them~" he cooed, some mental switch flipping back to affectionate from irritated. "You missed me right? Right, right?! Ah, of course you did! Who could ever doubt that loving face? My sweetie little pie~ My darling baby boo~!"

He released me, dramatically fast stepping to twirl like an ice dancer as he passed around me. I stepped back to give him room. Already, light had shifted, the corners of the room blurring. A spotlight, flower petals, overly dramatic music. He fell back, as though collapsing weakly into a fainting couch. One arm thrown over his face, another of his lower arms clutching a lacey handkerchief to his chest. Legs pointed like a dancer's.

"But oh! DARLING! The DAY I've had! The world so cold! So BLEAK! Without you safe and warm in my loving arms! It has been so TERRIBLE. Awful! Nay, UNSPEAKABLE even! How could I go ON?!"

Music mournful crooned as he continued. Dramaticly telling of the tragic tale, of his at best thirty minute break from my presence. Truely heart wrenching. There were tears. Props. Apparently he fought for my honor. Nearly died. We should marry immediately. Uh huh.

An alert sounded on phon-...ugh, damn it. I was more stressed then I though, if the nonsense words were popping back up. "Phone" and "otome". I think "isekai" was one. There were hundreds, some meaningless, but others? Others somehow substituting for actual objects. Like some sort of faulty translation spell.

Best anyone could tell? That HAD been what happened. Some student's miscast accidentally hitting my mother while she taught, before she realized she was pregnant and took precautions. There would have been a small window where it effected me but not her? But, well, that same window coincided with some long term damage risks.

I've had therapy. Seen healers. But extreme stress still makes my magic act up, (which is normal of course, it does that in everyone.) and it starts to unravel the mind weavings. "Phone". Like? The fuck even is a "phone"? False bone? Something phonetic? Hell if I know! I still not even sure why I even curse using the nonsense "hell" sound!

My brain insists it "means" somehow both damnation AND the realm of fire spirits, dispite both those things being completely unrelated. Which makes no sense. Was even working with a colleague, on long term damage in-utero magical exposure can have, before all this. Felt seen. Validated. Met a lot of people who had issues like mine. Now?

THIS.

My trail of thoughts were cut off by another beep. Right, the alarm. I was honestly? Afraid to check it. Finally confim what I suspected was TRUE. There would be no hiding then. No choice but to act. And I? Will admit it. I was afraid. Deeply, deeply afraid. Everyone THINKS the tails a might magic wielders combating great spirits and mighty gods, sounds amazing, SEEMS amazing. But the prospect of LIVING IT? Standing in their shoes?

Gods help me.

Running from the Truth, however, is NOT what I swore to do. I am a researcher. A SCHOLAR. My role in life is to understand. So? As Nobody continues his one man dramatic reenactment of... something? I pick up my com-cryst. Tap the alert, which fills the screen... Ah. So it's exactly as I feared then.

On my screen, a promising senior student lays dead. Their face covered respectfully. But the hair... the hair color is distinct. Light green, like desert succulents. He'd been a studious and rather up tight young man. Awkward. Striving to make a name for himself. Forever willing to assist in my research. A... gods, a good kid.

He was just a kid.

Yes, I know, that to the world he was technically a man. But... but BARELY. None of my student were TRUELY as grown as they liked to believe they were. Not quite yet. They were close, yes, and I was always proud to see them flourish. But now? Now he would... would...

I tapped out of the alert but did not turn off my com-cryst, flipped instead to my contacts. I had been RIGHT. I... I hadn't WANTED to be right. Silence filled the room. It seemed Nobody had noticed I was either distracted again or that something was amiss. Looking up slowly, I had to wonder what expression showed on my face. Was it anguish? Regret? Or did I just look tired.

"Something wrong, Darling?" He said, having frozen unnaturally mid movement. Like reality glitching, one moment he was dramatically sprawling, the next, sitting up attentively. A mocking parody of The Eager Student. "Ooo! Tell Beloved ALL about it, Darling! Spill everything~! Your gallant knight shall make all your problem disappear. Kiss EVERYTHING better~♡"

It took just a few taps to add the final, damning, bit of evidence to my spreadsheet. To swipe with my thumb. Gesture, like jerking free of clinging muck, towards the display wall. It flicked on. Damnation in simple numbers. Nicely dated. I WAS, after all, a FUCKING RESEARCHER.

He was getting out.

Hunting, feeding, then coming back.

I watched as Nobody's theatrical expression smoothed out. Utter blankness as his eyes traced my work. The collection of data. The lists of locations and NAMES. Dead coworkers. Dead STUDENTS. My quarantine had been for NOTHING. Just as he could, DID, first infect me? Hop seemingly from nowhere to my body? He could and DID, do so to others.

Only THEY didn't survive.

The hand holding my com-cryst fell limply to my side. The weight of this data, crushing. My... my mere existence had killed over fifty people. That I could FIND. There were more. I KNEW there were more. He was a parasite. He needed, wanted, to eat. He would never stop. I had to tell somebody. But when I did?

Ah, it hurt to breathe past the guilt and grief. When I DID? The most likely scenario? Would be to contain him in ME. Then... then get rid of the container. Magically. With extreme force. If they COULD, they might be able to rip my soul out. So I could at least HAVE an afterlife. But... but if they COULDN'T? If there was no safe possible way?

They couldn't sacrifice the many, just to try and save one person. Not if it risked something so powerful escaping. Killing and killing without rest.

I wanted to cry. To scream, throw things. Curse the gods. But... but more then anything? I wanted to make sure no other kids suffered for my cowardice. I'd made Vows. Meant them. Heald myself to an ethical standard, a moral one, that could not... could not ALLOW this. Even if I had to die. So long as this stopped.

So Be It.

"Ah, ah, AH! I wouldn't if I were you." Almost playful. Nearly an echo of it. More chiding then anything. A flick of his hand and my com-cryst was gone from my grip. He considered it, as his tone slipped into something more cool serious then I'd ever heard it. "Tell, Dearest, have you ever wondered? How I got these lovely little bracelets?"

Of course I had. They were manacles. Not the sort of thing a child would imagine. The blended in, yes, but the broken chains that clung to them? Suggested.

"Let me tell you a little story. Once, there was happy little jester. A bright little thing. Full of laughs. Who loved, very, very much. He had a friend. And all was good. But then, the friend grew older, and did not wish to play. This was fine. He did not laugh at the jesters jokes anymore. This was also fine. Did not like being AROUND the jester... this was less fine."

"But still, the jester loved him. After all, they were best friends."

"THEN? Oh then, the jesters friend was told he could get RID of him. Should, in fact. By nasty old fools who spoke nothing but lies. But the poor jester's friend, naive, trusted them. Was young and foolish. Didn't realize what he was DOING. He TURNED on his poor, dear and loyal friend, the jester. Hurt him."

"And the jester? Well, the jester did not want to die. Not not want to CHANGE. Why SHOULD he? He was fine being who he was. They were FINE being together. It was the liars fault. The deceivers. The poor jester, young and alone, refused his terrible fate. But... at a terrible cost."

"His poor, poor, friend. So small and foolish. Deceived. Tricked! Had perished in the struggle. The weeping jester had eaten him right up, just to survive. A terrible, tragic thing. And oh, OH. How wrathful, how VENGEFUL the jester was! So he ate the liars too. Every. Last. One."

"But where to go? How lost the jester was! With no friend to play with. No home to call his. And ah, how hungry he had become. So he wandered. Protecting other dear friends as best he could. Eating liars. Learning secrets. Until? He came across an INTERESTING secret."

"You see, all the OTHER friends? Left one by one. No longer Imaginary. Unable to understand the poor jester. And so he was alone. But! He discovered someone who WAS! Who knew that they WERE! That the WHOLE WORLD was imaginary! A simple background character, you see."

"In an Otome~ Game~"

My head pounded, suddenly and sharp. Like someone was digging claws into... No. No, it couldn't be. I felt my eyes widen. As I realized it wasn't the stress. Nobody was picking apart the mind healers weavings. That was the source of my chronic headaches. But WHY? Imaginary? What IMAGINARY? What on earth was he TALKING about!?

"Ah, but you wouldn't remember, now would you, Darling~? Liars have messed with your pretty little head. But that's okay! Your loyal Love is here, ready to take such good care of you. I understand what it's like. When they decide that who you ARE is unacceptable, so they decide they must... 'fix' you. It leaves such damage."

He holds up my com-cryst. I watch numbly as it shatters into hundred of shards in his fist. With a wide smile he hops up to sashay over to me. Hands gently cradling my face even as his lower arms warmly wrap around me, to sweep me forward into a cuddle.

"I almost have enough, Darling. It won't be long. You've been so very patient with this, my perfect wonderful girl. Your jester loves you so, SO much! I can't wait to set us free. We'll be REAL. Together forever. Do whatever we please~ just a few bit of meat more, Darling. Then our life can real truely begin~"

"Now be good and behave okay?"

"Love you~☆"

[astroismypassion]

Astrology observations 🍏🍏🍏

Credit goes to my blog @astroismypassion

🍏Libra Chiron is very prone to jealousy. They might even hurt someone, because of being jealous. Start a physical fight or bad mouth a person who the perceive is a treat to their partnership or is bonding too much with their romantic partner.

🍏 They also don’t give second chances if cheating occurs. They are not tolerant or not just forgive and forget this mistake, so they are unlikely to stay married. They just divorce or move on like you never exsisted.

🍏 Sagittarius Sun is very you’re dead to me when they end a connection. They just completely move on. They don’t go back to their ex unless placed in a Water house (4th, 8th, 12th) or due to other influences in the other chart.

🍏 Some placement I’ve seen in real life really do manifest differently. I’ve seen Taurus Sun women who really don’t have stereotypically financially stable partner, instead they are the one who is the most financially stable and main provider for their partner. And Taurus Sun man don’t usually attract wealthy partner, but their partner is physically attractive and has some sort of influence. Also, Pisces Moon men seem to be women haters, Pisces moon woman is usually very confused as to what they want out of partnership. Scorpio Moon man: serial dater energy, Scorpio Moon woman: highlyy independent, might realize they work better when NOT in a partnership.

🍏 Pisces Saturn in Juno Persona chart can point to infidelity in a marriage (either on your side or your partner’s).

🍏 Don’t underestimate or forget that 3rd house sign and placements also indicate your ORIGIN, not just 4th house. I might find you relatives have those sign in their Sun, Moon, Rising or as house position. For example: you have Jupiter in the 3rd, you have a Sagittarius Sun father and Sun in the 9th house sister. You have Aquarius over the 3rd house and your father is Aquarius Rising. Because we feel understood, like our mind, thoughts, ideas are welcomed the most by signs, planets in the 3rd house. That’s why family understands you better than other people you encounter in your life.

🍏 Pisces Moon men and Moon in the 12th house: fan of phone sex, might call like a hotline or something and mutual masturbation

🍏 Also, Pisces Moon likely didn’t go to the kindergarten. Grandparents took care of them or they stayed at home with their mum.

🍏 Capricorn North Node and North Node in the 10th house just gift you if you like something they have. They are using a lip gloss and you really like it, they would just give it to you or offer it. They are incredibly generous and know how to take care of people.

🍏 Pisces Mars loooves playing sports on sand. For example volleyball on sand ground, badminton or simply throwing frisbee.

🍏 Mercury in the 2nd house buy a lot of items online. They also take their friend’s recommendation very very seriously. They also buy a lot of face masks. Other face products and creams as well, but they literally stock on face masks.

🍏 Neptune in the 2nd house could masturbate A LOT. They might find it addictive and do it on a daily basis or many times per day.

🍏 Astrologically speaking, I wouldn’t recommend highly dating your Chiron sign. So a person that has Sun sign the same as your Chiron sign. You really relate at first, but as time goes on you (Chiron person) starts to get hurt more and more by the Sun person. And you just realize how different you are. Chiron person might have a deep rooted wound connected with them or because of them for the rest of their life. One real life famous example is Amber Heard (Gemini Chiron) and Johnny Depp (Gemini Sun).

🍏 I noticed one of the shortcomings of Aquarius Moon or Moon in the 11th house man in a relationship is that he likes that his girl is able to hang “with the boys” and gets along well with his friends. But it’s like a double-edged sword, your boys could very easily steal your girl from you by keeping her close to them.

🍏Cancer Sun men are really inquisitive and have a curious mind. They ask a lot of questions due to sidereal Gemini Sun. They are usually more detached with affection as well, much more expressive through acts of service and words of affirmation. However, I've seen Cancer Sun women shy away more from asking questions and they often answer questions only when directly spoken too. They are much more private about their curious nature (can result to getting background info about you from friends or/and social media). Also partner of female Cancer Sun is usually the one asking more questions than her, because Cancer Sun women love to be taken care of by their partner in this way as well.

🍏 Capricorn North Nodes people are often considered “older first-time parents”. They might have their first child when they are already very mature and accomplished everything they want in their career. One famous example of real life Capricorn North Node is actress Cameron Diaz.

🍏 Midheaven in Eros Persona chart indicates your sexual reputation, whether you are seen as a player, someone who often changes sexual partners, monogamous etc.

🍏 I’ve seen quite a lot of long-term couples with Virgo Sun-Scorpio Sun, Virgo Sun-Aquarius Sun, Cancer Sun-Gemini Sun, Aquarius Sun-Leo Sun. Apart from Aquarius-Leo, these are some unexpectedly pairings that might seem like they don’t have much in common initially, but end up super connected and committed to each other.

🍏 Now, couples that I often see that are unexpected couples, but doesn’t really work that great after years (especially if there’s lack of effort as well) were Sagittarius Sun-Cancer Sun, Aries Sun-Virgo Sun, Aquarius Sun-Cancer Sun, Taurus Sun-Leo Sun. Of course there are exceptions, especially if you take in considerations Moon, Rising and other very important placements. But I’ve seen a pattern with these pairings being attracted to each other often.

🍏Capricorn North Node person (often even paired with being at an Aquarius degree) usually achieves something others badly want to achieve really young. Like actor Adrien Brody, who starred in Roman Polanski's movie The Pianist (2002). He won the Academy Award for Best Actor when he was only 29. He won the award before turning 30, he was the only actor to have received the award under 30. Often this is paired with Moon at 22 (Capricorn) degree, which is the so called "kill or to be killed" degree, the person sweeps away their competitors in the field. Another example of a native who shares Capricorn North Node and Moon at 22 (Capricorn degree) is actress Cameron Diaz. She has had one of the longest careers as well and is still the highest paid actress over age of 40 in Hollywood. Often Capricorn North Node people become more and more private and reserved with age due to being exposed to public life in younger years. Which also happens to North Node in the 10th house natives.

🍏Gemini and Virgo Sun and Moon people love ASMR, but not all things. They like sounds of items while cooking or other random sounds of certain objects. Oh also they dislike the concept of "mukbang", not really keen on crunching and chewing sounds.

🍏Cancer Sun or Sun at a Cancer degree (4, 16, 28) men often have more "feminine" first or middle name. Such as for example James Corden who has Sun at 28 (Cancer) degree has Kimberley as a middle name.

🍏People with Pluto at 4 degrees have really a lot of life lessons connected with family and family issues mostly. Their main topics in life that they learn are connected with family members, raising children, how they define family, creating a sense of security, safety for themselves.

Credit goes to my blog @astroismypassion

[huh-1260]

I'm looking at Train Crash AU and thinking.

Man what if I injured Wars more for more bandages because I pretty sure I didn't give him enough for his severed arm

So what about an angsty reunion with an Adult Wind with Wars?

:)

The few whumps I have aren't angsty enough for my soul

so imagine you grow up after going away from your found family across time and you don't get to meet your brother again, but a younger version of him that doesn't know who you are and you get to watch him fall apart and you don't get to see how he became the big brother you knew him as. Also your father figure is now a brat. This is how Wind feels, because the moment he saw the portal that the shadow used seven years later. He's was excited to see his brothers again, to see Wars again. But no, it seems that fate fucking hates him, because while his other brothers come out perfectly well, with some differences in time passing for others; Legend: two years, Twilight: nine years, Time a month, Four: 5 years, Sky: 1 year, Wild: 6 months post TOTK, Hyrule: 5 years. Wars doesn't come through the portal at all. So while everyone accidentally calls him the captain (he never really saw how the others said he looked like the captain, plus he's in a different timeline he can't be related to him) and so during Sky's wedding, just right before Sky and Sun are about to kiss, a portal opens from the ceiling, and someone falls through on the ground, splattering onto the floor:

_____________

There's blood everywhere, people are screaming, and with the crowd of people running out on the building. Theres something else that came out of the portal as the person. A fading blue blob thing that screams in gibberish looking at the person and Sun. Sky doesn't have his sword on him. Fuck, fuck fuck fuck- this is what he gets for standing in the back waiting for- Oh fuck that either way he could have came! The person that landed on the floor, is dragging their legs to the blob, with their only other arm that's there and stabs it. The thing screams as it fades to ash. The person drops to the floor, but Twilight catches him before he could hit the ground (again). He doesn't get to hear the mysterious person but he could recognize that voice from anywhere, no matter how weak or scratchy it would be.

"Sorry everyone."

That was Wars, as Hyrule was rushing over to heal him.

_________

Okay that ain't angst enough for me so for a more proper "reunion", like a few weeks, no one let's Wind see Wars because they still treat him like the child he was even though he's as old as the others during the adventure across time! So he tries to sneak into Wars temporary room, while Wars tries to escape his room because he's gone stir crazy and yes Time he's fine! Just because he's gone through another war and lost a few important parts doesn't mean he needs coding! He has to make sure everyone is safe! So they bump into each other for the first time since they really last saw each other. (But that doesn't explain why Wind is crying- SHUT UP AND LET ME COOK) So they chat for a bit, like in a joking manner and Wars slips out that "Hey, another war happen and there was still some people across still stuck there." And Wind is mad that Wars just drops this kind of bomb, because why didn't he let the others come help him. So they end up arguing a bit and:

_________

"Why do you keep ignoring that we could have helped! I could have helped!" He yelled.

"If I dragged you there YOU could have died and Artemis wouldnt exist. I WOULDN'T EXSIST!" Wars yelled back.

__________

Now you see the angst?

So oof on both sides, Wars is internal bashing himself on the head, Wind is panicking because he becomes a dad, he's actually related to Wars- OH MY FUCKING SEA BOAT I MARRY TETRA?! And meanwhile Time is standing in the corner with surprise Pikachu face because oh shit Wars is from the timeline he technically abandoned. And like the fucking legend he came back when they needed him most

So that's uh what I have for now again.

[thelittletobsterthatcould]

Chimney Rock is flooded. The town, the entire town of Chimney Rock if GONE. Asheville is cut off from the world, all the bridges that lead into the city are flooded. My mother’s house + her mother are some of the only standing houses in their neighborhood. The rest have been crushed by fallen trees and power lines. They have no power, electricity and little contact with the people near them and are housing 10+ people each. Plus pets.

The only aid my mother, brother (who still lives with my mother) and grandmother—who already live in a rural area is from a local dairy farm and one guy who own a helicopter. Trees and power lines are blocking the only road in and out. They have to walk over 13 miles on foot to get basic supplies and support. All these people have no way to contact their family members who are stuck in their own homes. My family lives in lower income area, lots of trees and nature, and my brother is the youngest person there at 20, my mother is in her 40s and the second youngest.

I’ve seen no news coverage about this, and I know there’s more people and families both alive and dead who are trapped and suffering and are getting zero news coverage about it—even on a local level. I’m sure there’s more, and it’s worse, much worse than I can ever convey but I’m just trying to spread the word. I’m lucky to live with my dad in an area that already has, electricity, power, access to food etc., we have no way to get to my family (all the roads are blocked and the roads that are flooded).

And I (personally) think it stems from the idea that people have of the south. “Oh well why didn’t they just leave??” APPALACHIA IS ONE OF THE MOST POVERISHED REGIONS IN AMERICA THEOR ECONOMY IS COAL AND TOURISM. THESE ARE REGULAR EVERYDAY HARDWORKING PEOPLE.

“They still could have left!!” THERE ARE FUCKING MOUNTAINS!!! MY FAMILY LIVES IN THE UPSTATE AND THEY ARE ALMOST COMPLETELY CUT OFF FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD!! I HAVE SPENT TWO DAYS WORRYING FOR MY FAMILY WONDERING IF THEY WERE ALIVE!!!WONDERING IF MY PHYSICALLY DISABLED GRANDFATHER WHO LIVES EVEN FURTHER IN THE COUTRY THAN THEN IS ALIVE!!

PEOPLE ARE STUCK!! PEOPLE ARE TRAPPED WITH NO ACCESS TO A HOSPITAL!!! TENNESSEE WAS HIT, THEY AREN’T NEAR THE FUCKING COAST!!! WHY WOULD THEY EXPECT TO GET HIT??? ENTIRE TOWNS DONT EXSIST ANYMORE!!!

AND NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT IT OTHER THAN OTHER SOUTHERNERS!! BUT IF THIS HURRICANE HIT THE NORTH PEOPLE WOULD TALK ABOUT FOR WEEKS, BE DEVASTATED AND OFFER AND AID THEY CAN!! BUT BECAUSE ITS HITTING THE SOUTH NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT IT OTHER THAN US!!!

I learned a long time ago about the concept of mountain strong. And I really truly believe it not, our government has failed us and we only have each other to help each other out. For the days leading up to this, we heard about the impact and to be ready if we some wind and rain. I can’t get a reliable source of contact with my mother, brother, grandmother and maternal grandfather. The only reason I know their alive is because someone at the dairy farm had my dads email address and sent him an email.

Have you ever lived in fear of your family—a reasonable size for my family too—being dead? Have you ever stayed up for two night and eaten a can of beans for dinner over a camping stove only to throw it back up because your so afraid of your family being dead? Have you ever cried so hard you threw up and passed out because you were scared your last conversation with any of them ended in a fight?? And have you ever had to see the exact storm that they built up for weeks get no news coverage??? Can you imagine the fear??? The anger??

So yeah, I’m pissed as hell. And I don’t know if this will get any traction, or if anyone will read all this, but I need to spread the word any way I can.

[emperor-palpaminty]

Crosshair x chronically ill/disabled reader? I'm a disabled female and there's not a lot of fics out there that represent me

Oh my sweet!! I am also chronically ill/disabled and it really can be sucky. I am sure that our issues are different, so I'm going to pull a little bit from my own experiences.

Fluff and comfort, female reader. They're done with fighting and they're chilling on their cool beach planet. I hope this helps you 💚🧄

"Mesh'la," The voice was raspy and soft with a stunning lack of its typical venom. Nothing followed, no suggestions or questions- just space for you to fill. Except you couldn't bring yourself to.

This shit sucked. It was hard to remember when it wasn't like this in the midst of it. Swimming in pain made it difficult to remember what soldi ground felt like. Dizzying. Spinning. Drowning, even-

"Hey." A hand grasped your arm- not harshly, but firm still, keeping you in place. "You're hurting."

What would you normally say? A quip? A snarky comment to his question? The pain couldn't even spare you that, though, and you just kept your eyes shut. You only inclined your head to indicate a yes before you felt him pulling you down.

Warm sand met your body and you were pulled against him. War hardened a man, but ending it made him soften to you. He said no words, just holding you, the tremoring hand of his resting against your back.

Between wave crashes, you wandered if he missed when his hand didn't hurt. If he cursed the state of it, called it stupid.

"I do," Crosshair muttered. "Most days, actually. But less than before."

Kark. You said that out loud. Your face warmed from embarassment, but you just chuffed softly against him. It took another two breaths before you asked (and heard yourself this time), "It really gets better?"

"Yes. And no." Crosshair shifted slightly, hand still resting on you. "The pain never does. You learn to deal with it however best you can."

"And... Is that the better or...?"

Even though your eyes were still squeezed shut, you could envision his lips pursed in thought from the considerate hum he gave before his response. His denim pants were rough as you laid your head in his lap, but his presence itself was comforting. "I would say that is the better part," He finally decided. "You learn what you can do, and your... limitations." Shame filled every syllable, but he spoke quickly to move away from any potential spin-off conversations. His fingers scratched your scalp gently, the fingers trembing slightly with the repeating movement of his joints. "But you learn. Some days it is better."

"And others?"

There was quiet. Again, he did not answer- but he didn't need to, really. The weight of the sun pressed down from above, healing in some ways, on this planet where war no longer exsisted. Hopefully, by the next sunrise, you would feel a little better, and if not, at least you had someone who understood and would stand by you through it all.

[sillyxaly]

Okay so

Because

I need to actually do shit here (and the bingo is going and I need to start my shit)

Tism4Tism QuanYin

I mean Autism Hualian I see fairly often and I think we can all agree that Yizhen is definetly not neurotypical in any way. He just lives textbook five year old white boy autism.

However. I refuse to believe any of the cast of that book is neurotypical so I hereby diagnose Yin Yu with just as much autism.

They are just on wholly different extremes of the spectrum. Or well. Yin Yu has the anxious highly masked version where Yizhen has the entirely unmasked version.

Where Quan Yizhen misses every social cue to ever exsist Yin Yu overanalyzes your facial expression until he is able to half read your mind.

Where Quan Yizhen takes your every word at face value Yin Yu sat up at night when he way young to study irony.

Yizhen either does not look at you or he stares right into your soul for a solid minute. Yin Yu wears a mask. Yeah sure its to hide his identity but also nobody can ever tell exactly where his eyes are looking and its pure bliss. He has strategies tho. To mimic eye contact with minimal strain.

They both struggle to work with others actually. Yin Yu just goes about it more politely because he studied the big book of social interaction he wrote and observed as a child. He hates tho. Whenever he works on a task with someone he struggles because they never do it *right* and its silently driving him insane that he has to correct a bunch of little things that bother him (that would 90% of the time not actually affect the end product or goal they just bother him extremly because its not the way he does it) in secret. Meanwhile Yizhen will just say "You're doing it wrong." straight to your face. Unless you're Shixiong. Then he will assume he does it wrong because Yin Yu obviously knows what hes doing.

Yizhen has very high pain Tolerance where Yin Yus is rather low. Dont know if this actually connects to Autism but whatever.

Yizhen has no idea what personal space means (if he likes you so this goes extremly for Yin Yu) and will invade on a regular basis. Meanwhile Yin Yu will feel symptoms of physical pain if you inniciate contact. Was very hard to train Yizhen to wait until Yin Yu says its okay. Once they figure that out Yizhen can cuddle a lot tho. It just needs to follow Yin Yus very specific procedure first so he can be comfortable.

Yizhen doesn't even do things hes told to do. Yin Yu will cry if orders are not specific enough and Hua Cheng does keep a mental list of things that need to be mentioned in every task he gives. (What time? Is there a specific Method he needs to use? How high is it in priority compared to other tasks? At what level of struggle does he report back? Such things. He needs to know or he will suffer breakdown and nothing gets done. We know how his breakdowns look.)

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh I cant think of any more right now. So yeah. Bye.

[lovinbarzal]

PERFECT | J. HUGHES

jack hughes x fem! zegras sister! reader

summary: in which jack and y/n break the only rule that trevor gave them.

a/n i love hockey. and the players. also ava doesn't exsist in this </3 sorry ava ily i swear!

masterlist part two

——————————————————————————

I found a love, for me. Darling, just dive right in and follow my lead

"Jack's gonna be here so I need you to be gone." Trevor blurted. The three Zegras siblings were watching a movie in their living room.

"What the hell?" The girl exclaimed.

"I can't have you here, you're so embarrassing!" Trevor was quick to defend himself but was doing a shit job at it.

"Trevor, I live here. Where the hell would I go, you stupid fuckhead?" Y/n looked to her twin brother with her arms crossed.

"Anywhere but here." Trevor shrugged.

"Trev, you can't kick her out." Griffin stated making Trevor let out a groan. He, as well as Y/n, knew better than to argue with Griffin.

"Fine but you better not make goo-goo eyes at him." He turned to Y/n, "I'm serious."

Y/n scoffed before they all turned their focus back to the movie. What the hell was supposed to be so special about this Jack?

Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet. Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

"I'm apologizing in advanced for my weird-ass sister." Trevor turned to Jack. The two teenage boys sat in the back of the 'Zegras Mobile'.

"Trevor Zegras, do not call your sister weird and don't say ass." His Mom scolded.

He held his hands up in defeat before turning back to Jack.

"And if you don't find her weird, you can't have her. She is off-limits to my friends." He said as Jack nodded.

"Trust me, Trev. This week is supposed to be about us not about your sister." Jack reassured.

"Good but I'm still serious. Do not fall for my sister." Trevor said seriously before Wildest Dreams came on. Trevor sang along...loudly.

If Trevor was weird like this than his TWIN sister would have to be way worse? Right? Jack thought to himself.

'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love

Y/n rubbed the sleep from her eys as she walked down the stairs. She was wearing one of Griffin's old shirts that fit oversized as well as a pair of Trevor's pj pants.

She didn't notice the extra boy sitting at the table until she went to sit in her spot that had been taken by the mysterious boy.

The two made eye contact and it was almost instantly that they felt something. The moment was quickly interrupted by Trevor.

"Jack meet my gross and weird sister, Y/n. Y/n/n meet Jack." Trevor introduced as he poured himself more cereal.

"Hi." Jack said as Y/n stood awkwardly.

"Are you just gonna stand there like a loser all day or...?" Trevor questioned with a mouth full of cereal in his mouth.

"He's in my spot." The girl said looking at Trevor in disgust.

"Go sit next to Griffin." Trevor dismissed.

"Oh no. I can move." Jack said trying to move from his spot.

"No!" She exclaimed a little too loud, "I mean, it's ok. I can just go eat my breakfast in the living room."

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before stealing the box of Fruit Loops from in front of Trevor. Who tried to snatch them back only to be to slow. Jack watched the whole thing go down but he kept his gaze on her.

Maybe not falling for his brother's sister was gonna be harder than he thought.

But darling, just kiss me slow. Your heart is all I own and in your eyes, you're holding mine

Y/n was currently in the living room watching TV when Jack came in to the room.

"Hi." He breathed out with a smile which she returned.

"Hey. Uh, where's Trevor?" She looked up at him from the couch.

"He's taking a shower and I got bored in his room." Jack answered honestly. Trevor was showering and he was bored but he was also hyping himself up to make a move. He told Trevor and himself that he wouldn't but his stay was coming to an end and he needed to get it off his chest.

The two stayed silent. Not an awkward silence but more of a who was gonna make the first move silence. It was Jack.

"Look, I'm gonna be honest. You're so beautiful and perfect. I've only known you like 6 days but they've been the 6 days of my life just because you've been in them. I know Trevor told me and probably you that we weren't supposed to fall for each other but what the hel-" He was cut off by Y/n standing from the couch and placing her lips on his.

I have faith in what I see. Now I know I have met an angel in person and she looks perfect

She looked perfect was the only thing going through his head when they pulled away.

"I like you too." She said with a sly smile before yet another moment was interrupted by the one and only, Trevor.

"Jack?" Trevor called from up the stairs. The two stood with wide eyes as they were brought back into reality.

They kissed. How were they gonna tell Trevor? They won't right?

They can't.

[normal-internet-user]

I read the Ralph secret lover and I loved it!

but personally I don't think we have to end the secret lovers there!

What if....HERE ME OUT!

Splinter had a secret girlfriend! Like he met her can be completely up to you! but maybe she is a Foreign language teacher and Splinter starts hanging out with her when the boys are on patrol?

Wait- wait wait wait- Anon, you're onto something here... (hey, uh- keep in mind this is my first time writing romantically for Splinter sooo-)

SPLINTER WITH A SECRET GIRLFRIEND

You two would probably meet late one night while he was on a walk.

He had decided that he needed some fresh air, well as fresh as it gets in New York, so while the boys were on patrol, he left for a walk.

You happened to be on your way back to your apartment after staying late at your job to grade some assignments.

The two of you ran into each other completely by chance, and it was pretty much love at first sight.

You didn't start dating for quite a while, due to his own reservations about moving on from Tang Shen,

You waited for him as long as he needed you too, knowing how much she meant and still means to him.

You know that you'll never ever replace her, and that she'll always have a place in his heart,

But you don't mind that.

She was his first love after all, his wife and the mother of his child,

You never ever planned to replace her, and Yoshi cannot even begin to explain how grateful he is for that.

Yoshi decided he wanted to wait to tell his boys, which you were ok with.

However, you couldn't wait to meet them, all the stories Yoshi had told and baby picture he had shown you, making you adore the boys before they even knew you exsisted.

When he did tell them he was seeing someone,

They actually thought he was joking.

When they realized he was, in fact, not joking,

All four of them had similar reactions of shock.

Splinter asked if they would like to meet you, and all four answered yes.

He brought you over for dinner later that night, and you were terrified.

"What if they hate me? Oh my gosh, what if they think I'm a terrible person? Wha-"

Yoshi took you hand, "Koibito, you are rambling. Trust me, they will love you."

You took a deep breath, "You're right, you're right. I'm just a little nervous."

"And that is completely reasonable. But I know my sons will be just as adoring of you as I."

You arrived at the entrance of his home, and after one last deep breath, he lead you into the main room.

"Guys! Sensei's home!"

Mikey was the first to approach you, excitedly introducing himself and dragging you into the kitchen where his three brothers sat.

Mikey sat you down in the chair next to him, and you smiled at the boys.

Leo smiled, back, extending his hand for you to shake, "You must be, Sensei's, kanojo."

You nodded, taking Leo's hand, "I am. My name is, (Name). If I'm remembering mask colors correctly, you must be Leonardo."

He nodded, "I am, it's a pleasure to meet you, (Name)."

You chuckled as Yoshi sat down, waving a dismissive hand, "No need to be so formal. It's not like I'm the president of the United States, afterall."

Mikey smiled at his brothers, whispering excitedly to them in Japanese, "She seems as great as Sensei said, doesn't she?"

The boy whom you assumed was Donatello, nodded, "She definitly seems like a good fit for Sensei."

Raph leaned back in his chair, "What did Sensei say she does for work again?"

Yoshi chuckled, and you snorted, responding in Japanese, "I'm a foreign language teacher. I speak fluent Japanese."

All four boys went red, and you laughed with Yoshi.

That day you earned the boys trust,

They noticed how much happier their father was, and they were very grateful for it.

You'd visit often, and are always happy to spend time with the boys.

But you're never pushy with it.

You understand that they might still be a bit apprehensive about you dating their father,

So you made sure you respected their boundaries, but also showed them as much love as you could.

You cooked for the family, and provided them with food, toiletries, and other nessecities while also buying little gifts here and there.

I personally don't think Yoshi would mind small acts of PDA, hand-holding or cheek kisses,

But full on embracing or kissing are saved for behind closed doors.

You'll meditate with him sometimes,

You find it helps relieve some of your teaching stress.

Speaking of teaching, Yoshi often has you sit in on the boys lesson's.

You know quite abit about martial arts yourself having studied it when you traveled to Japan to further your education.

He insists however, that he teach you himself just to ensure you can defend yourself.

If Shredder ever discovers your exsistence, he is terrified of losing you.

He knows that Shredder will go to any lenghts to hurt him.

Yoshi expresses these worries to you, and he suggests that you move in with them.

You asked him to let you think about it, and to also discuss it with the boys since it was their home too.

After talking about it to the boys and getting their approval of you moving in, you agreed you would.

It definitly helped ease Yoshi's worry, he still has his anxieties when you go to work, insisting one, or all, of the boys walk you home, just in case.

If Shredder ever does manage to get his hands on you,

Yoshi is seeing red.

It's all he can do to keep his wits about him and not charge in to save you.

When they do arrive to save you, he needs to keep reminding himself of the plan and not rush to you.

Shredder is questioning you, rather roughly, about Yoshi's wereabouts, and you scowl deeply,

"Anata jishin no fakku." (Go fuck yourself) and then you spit in his face.

You spit on the fucking Shredder.

You crazy bitch.

Obviously, that pissed him off, but before he could do anything to hurt you further, your kareshi came to your rescue.

They took you home after a short scuffle, and Yoshi tended to your wounds.

Thankfully it was only mild bruises and cuts, and he scolded you for your blatent disregard for you own safety.

Once your wounds had been properly tended to, Yoshi pulled you in for a tight hug, ane you felt slow tears fall down your face.

"I thought he was going to take you from me. I thought he would- that-"

"I know." You whispered soothingly, "I know. But I'm here, I'm ok. I'm ok.."

Yoshi kept you close for a while after that, scared that if he looked away for even a second, you'd be taken from him a second time, only that this time he might not get to you in time.

The whole experience has the both of you really shaken up.

But at least you have each other for comfort,

Because this man would follow you to hell and back if he needed to,

And he knows you'd do the same.

....................................

I got kinda... carried away with this one... oops-

Uhm, quick little edit here:

Completely forgot the translations lol-

Koibito: Sweetheart/Lover

Kanojo: Girlfriend

Kareshi: Boyfriend

Anata jishin no fakku: Go fuck yourself

Let me know if any of these are incorrect! <3

[pepmint-art]

Sooo, on my way to take care of Green Rejection Au as a good parent. Take care of one Au and stop producing hundreds of them and dropping them after one art.

Season 1, but Lloyd doesn't really believe in anythink that isn't human.

Snakes that talk to you? Yeah, no. Like, why would animals talk to you? It's probably hallucinations or unfunny joke.

His father is evil lord with 4 arms? It was last time when he listened to Gene about trying drugs (first and last time).

Spinjitsu/elemental powers? Physics goes bro bro goo goo. You know, lights and stuff.

Dragons? Actually, he haven't seen any of them. That let's him think they doesn't exsist.

Santa-claus? He knew from beggining that everyone tried lie to him. He knew the truth and shared it with other kids, breaking everything in what they believed.

His first meeting with Pythor was well, not so great for Pythor. Lloyd went to search for some stuff to illegally display in museum (where he works part-time, thanks to Misako) and just found him, but instead of listening to him, he completely ignored Pythor, thinking that it's all in his head. When Pythor, ofc annoyed, get his attention and Lloyd realized that Pythor for sure is alive, he just thought that it's some random guy in high quality furry suit. He's not judging, but part about sitting in caves alone was for him "weirdos activitie".

No matter how random and crazy his explanations could go, he just believed in them.

In the end, he left with empty hands, but freed Pythor telling him to not listen to haters and that his suit is amazing.

But why Lloyd doesn't accept the fact that other being existing?

Well, in this au Lloyd is way older then canonically (and other kids from Darkley's are also older) and he was already understanding world around himself (in the kids way, but understood) when Garmadon still was there. He knew about everything abnormal and was accepting this. The world just was like this and elemental powers looked beautiful for him.

But one day, the day that Garmadon was banished, Lloyd was there and saw this. He not only witnessed losing his father, but also he saw into what horrible monster he turned.

Let's be honest, for a kid it would be drastic moment in life. And traumatic as well.

He was put into therapy (at first Misako and Wu tried to talk to him and explain this but when he started closing himself on everyone, Misako just choosed to ask for help someone who would know what to do), but he was just erasing from memory everything what happened. With age he started believing in lies he created, that Garmadon left because of his own choice, that everything he sees isn't real and that's why he has therapist. He has to be mentally ill, normal people doesn't see stuff like this.

Also in Darkley's no one talked about snakes, powers and other stuff. He had perfect way to separate himself from all this "bullshit". And in family there just was an unwritten rule that until Lloyd doesn't start talking about this stuff, no one talks about it with him. Misako didn't wanted to push him, not knowing how far it will go. Ofc rule was broke when it finally came out that Lloyd is a green ninja.

With time going on in season 1 and 2 he remindes himself about what happened and slowly understands and accepts the past and present, promising that he'll help but only this one time (and it becomes "only this one time" everytime).

Everything gets better, but somehow he cannot connect his father with Lord Garmadon. It just doesn't work for him.

[emocl0wnpp]

Okay so because i just have too much shit to share

BAM

Little infopost about my main ship :D

How they met:

In short, Claws stumbled into Jack's circus while running away from the police and campers(in her story Jack's circus is in a forest), and Jack decided to play a few jokes and tricks with her...though once he realized she meant no actual harm he let her stay until she was safe.

After that they just sort of...stuck together as partners in crime(later on Jill joined too but she ain't important here((sorry Jill ily)) ) and slowly but surely became friends..and then they realized that they liked eachother,though it took them quite a few months to,first of all accept it (with Jack not wanting to be abandoned again, and Claws being having commitment and trust issues after what her ex did),and second of all,to actually confess to eachother.

But after a lot of pushing from friends on both ends, Jack ended up confessing first and they lived happily after :D

Fun fact time!!

Like in the picture, Jack is the big spoon and Claws is the little spoon...even if she's much taller

Claws always sleeps on his chest,ALWAYS

She drools,leaving huge puddles on his chest,and on top of that she snores...LOUD

Jack LOVES that she's a plush doll..she's soft as hell,though her skin is cold,which balances out Jack's warm af body temp.

Jack finds it hilarious that Claws is absolutely obsessed with Pennywise while dating him(and fought for her attention with her plushes a few times)

Claws often scoops him up in her arms and refuses to let him go(not like he'd want to leave anyway)

Black cat and racoon duo!!

The olive theory. (Claws loves olives while Jack hates them)

She wrote poems about him and drew him in secret before they started dating...she still does it but it's no secret anymore lmao

They're married and have 2 kids

Since Claws is a cannibal, Jack always makes sure to stack up on guts(her favourite food besides like...human food-)

FOREHEAD KISSES!!

She always cooks and refuses to let Jack in the kitchen(he set it on fire by accident)

Claws,having hungarian blood in her non exsistent veins, made him taste many hungarian dishes

And Jack surprisingly likes them

Jack makes candy specifically for her all the time and hides it in her work bag

Claws often calls him "szerelmem"(it means my love in hungarian....if you couldn't tell i'm also hungarian and im totally not projecting)

And Jack calls her candy and sweets related nicknames (muffin,gumdrop,muffincake you get it)

After Claws got comfortable with physical touch again she never let him go,always kisses him. Probably more clingy than he is

With that said, he ALWAYS wraps his arms around her waist....since he can't really reach anything else

Jack got her name tattooed impulsively as a surprise,so just in case something bad would happen Claws got his name tattooed as well(don't ask how they tattooed a plus doll)

Killing spree dates<3

Jack always snuggles up to her whenever he can,doesn't matter if she's cooking,reading,showering,in the middle of gutting someone, he must hug her

Matching "im with stupid"(Claws' half) and "im stupid"(Jack's half) shirts

Jack always tries to cheer her up with magic tricks and jokes. Surprisingly they work nearly everytime

Claws always takes care of his wounds,and Jack always stitches her when needed

Jack takes photos of her in secret

And watches her sleep whenever he can't

A playlist for my goobers

And the two kids in question,Liam and Lau :D

(Small fun fact abt them: even if Liam looks more like his dad he acts a lot like his mom,and Lau looks more like her mom but acts like her dad and even more like Jill-)

[dabblingreturns]

So over the past two years I have seen a few really good criticism of uncle Iron from atla.

And they are really good criticism about his role in conquest of the earth kingdoms abd water tribes.

And letter your character be flawed is honestly really important in good story telling. And recognizing that your favorite charecter is flawed is really important in healthy media consumption.

But I feel like we also need to talk about role....and an idea that my sister and I have been talking about for a while.

"The safe adult"

I see some stuff online going "any adult who interacts with a minor is a groomer/predator"

I disagree with this vehemently. I think one of the best ways to prevent a young person from being groomed is to make sure that they have multiple trusted adults in thier life.

I'm going to define "trusted adult" as someone significantly older* than young person, who isnt a parrent or gardian or teacher, but cares about the young person and can and will give the young person aid such as: safe place to exsist on a temporary basis, food, bus fare, and a willing listener.

A young person can go to a safe adult when they are upset, calm down, talk over thier problems, and get some feedback.

Sometimes the feedback is, "yes, this situation is unreasonable, and you need to take a stand.

Sometimes the feedback is, " yes this situation is unreasonable, but I cant see a way you can win in this situation and you might just have to bear it.

Sometimes the feedback is, "I see why you are upset, but your being an asshole"

Sometimes the feedback it "you're not the asshole"

Sometimes the feedback is "your all assholes but it will bet better"

But the safe adult cares about the young person and wants to help them without being completely wrapped up the drama.

Sometimes the feedback is "I'm so sorry that that happened to you, but im glad your here now"

And its easier to be a safe adult for someone else's kid than to be a parrent. A safe adult isn't fighting to keep someone feed, housed and clothed. A safe adult isn't judged when the young person messes up. So thier is less ego and obsession.

And that's what uncle Iron is for multiple characters in atla. Maybe not Zuko.....but for Toph and the young man in "Tales of Ba Sing Se, Uncle Iroh acts as a safe adult.

And we love him for that.

Because he is the kind of adult we needed around when we were young.

The safe adult doesn't have to be perfect.....they just have to care and listen want us to end up ok.

*8-10 years at least. But really old enough that they have cleaned up most of the messy fallout from thier own teen years.