#someone claiming to not “identify” as a gender because they *are* that gender

[mejomonster]

i'm stressed for the day the govt decides to make pronouns illegal, by which the law will actually be implemented as "if someone decides you don't look like the gender THEY think you are, you will be charged with a crime"

and how in some workplaces like mine, where people show their preferred pronouns in work emails, that'll result in many people with digital email trails that could get them arrested (which of course means trans people in the workplace get charged, people who look cis and use he/him and she/her in their emails to be supportive probably will just be told to stop putting it in their emails)

and like. i know i probably can't do anything, except maybe stay in the closet. i know the workplace is not guaranteed to fucking warn their employees to maybe remove the digital proof of their pronouns if there's a law at risk of existing soon. and i know people's gender identity is really personal and important to a lot of people, including cis people. But i kind of wish there was a widespread trend in these workplace situations of EVERY (or at least a majority) of cis people putting "they/them/their" in their email signatures. The cis people (particularly those who look very gender conforming) will be the ones in the least danger of being charged with a crime. They are at very low risk of being charged with a crime, so they're the perfect people to break the law by saying their preferred pronouns are "they/them" and then taking the law to court if such a law restricting preferred pronouns passes. And if a trans employee is charged with a crime, the cis employees all using they/them can say their trans coworker is only doing EXACTLY THE SAME THING ALL THESE CIS PEOPLE ARE (using a pronoun someone thinks doesn't align with the gender they're assumed to be), and then saying either ALL employees need to be charged with a crime (which can then go to court) or none of them should be. Yeah that would require solidarity... I know I can't convince a bunch of cis people to start putting "they" as a pronoun in their emails (or some other pronoun that would result in them breaking the same 'preferred pronoun' type of law like "ze/zim"). But god, I wish I could.

I think about this because in the last few years, my state tried to make a law against using preferred pronouns in schools and government jobs (you know... which likely won't charge any cis person using the pronouns that match their gender even though that's a preferred pronoun too). And now that my state govt is a majority republican, they'll probably try to pass it again. I worry about all my coworkers with massive email trails, because they were TOLD to tell people their preferred pronouns, because the workplace said it would respect them, but I doubt the workplace will Protect them if it's no longer legal. My workplace had the shittiest answer when I raised my concerns, they said "don't worry about it until it happens"... once it happens, a bunch of trans people will be breaking the law by existing, and they will not have had the chance to protect themselves in advance (and their workplace will have done nothing in advance to protect them - such as warn them not to leave proof of their preferred identity after X date, and promising the workplace won't consider any pronouns said before X date to be breaking the law as far as reporting goes).

[aligatorrageinator]

I get what u mean

transgender women who have an irrational hatred of men you GOTTA get over that. Come on now

[nothorses]

do you know why people say trans women and trans men cant both be targets of misogyny? I was told that saying trans men are oppressed by misogyny was bigoted because it implies trans women aren't

imo it mostly comes from a binaristic and cis-centric understanding of gender.

"Oppositional sexism" (coined by Julia Serano) is a handy term here: the idea is that men and women are inherently rigid and mutually exclusive categories of people. Anything one category is, the other cannot be, and vice versa.

Here, oppositional sexism holds that if women are harmed by misogyny, then men benefit from it; women can never benefit from it, and men can never be harmed by it.

A lot of transphobia is rooted in the ways in which trans people fundamentally defy oppositional sexism, and thus endanger the gender binary. Men are supposed to be big, and women are supposed to be small; but trans men assert that men can be small, and trans women assert that women can be big (to use one overly-simplistic example).

A lot of trans people and trans allies still adhere to oppositional sexism, but claim to do it in a "trans-friendly" way: sex can be changed, but gender is instead rigid and mutually exclusive. Or- perhaps more commonly- gender can be expressed in any way, but the ways in which gender is experienced are instead rigid and mutually exclusive.

Which is how we arrive at this insistence that trans people fall into one binary gender experience, even if they don't actually identify as a particular "binary" gender. "Trans women are women" might mean trans women can look and act any way at all, but it also means they experience womanhood in the same way that all other women do, and that experience is rigid and mutually exclusive of "man" experiences.

It's also why so many people are so eager to create new "inclusive" ways of sorting trans people into the same gender binary using increasingly contrived language: People insist on knowing the gender someone was assigned at birth so they can categorize them as AFAB or AMAB, and thus conclude what gender experience they have: man or woman. People insist on categorizing nonbinary people as either transmasc or transfem so they can conclude what gender experience they have: man or woman. People insist on categorizing trans people as either TMA or TME so they can conclude what gender experience they have: man or woman.

The idea that trans men experience misogyny only implies that trans women don't if you believe that man and woman are rigid, mutually-exclusive categories.

[bakeonlyforyouself]

It's really interesting to me that trans-progressive people will say things like "gender isn't real" and "anyone can be anything", but they look at a cis woman who doesn't conform to beauty standards and assume she must be some sort of trans. She doesn't remove her body hair or wears clothing she finds comfortable, and for some reason, this challenges people.

I've had a discussion with my friend about this because I see this so much. I would rather claw off my skin than have someone call me "they" because they assume I'm something I'm not. There is quite literally nothing about me that would indicate that I identify as anything but a woman, I just happen to refuse to remove body hair or wear makeup and wear what I find most comfortable. It's kind of insane to me that for a group of people who claim to be progressive, an adult woman cannot look like an adult woman (not a male curated look to appeal to pedophilic beauty standards).

What's even worse is having people try to convince me that I'm anything but a woman. There's always a misogynistic reason for their way of thinking, too, but they think they're doing something by trying to convince me that my sex isn't good enough. Get a life.

[sodomit]

TRANSUNITY

Transunity is a political theory that was actively talked about on Tumblr a couple of years ago, but has since fallen out of the public spotlight. And this is unfortunate, because it could have really improved a lot of the discourse around gender.

There exists a blog under that name ( @transunity ), but it has been inactive for a year. I am not affiliated with that blog anyhow, I never had any personal contacts with its mods, but I want to get their general ideas to circulate again, so I'm trying to bring this back up in a semi organized fashion. My take on transunity is just my take, if you're one of the original coiners, and you disagree, I encourage you to talk about it, because we still have much more in common with each other than different.

GENERAL VIEWS

I believe that one of the fundamental ideas more trans people need to understand is that we're all more or less in the same place in the eyes of the society (when other factors, such as ethnicity or disability, are considered). To be trans is to fail the gender role system, from the point of view of cis people we can no longer be proper men or women. All kinds of trans people regardless of identity are affected by misogyny and misandry (not a type of marginalization by itself, but turns into a vector of oppression when overlapping with a different marginalization), which forms the foundation of transmisogyny, transandrophobia, and exorsexism*. These types of bigotry are not exclusive and unique to specific gender identities either and may be applied to any trans person for as long as it's convenient to the oppressor.

Trans people do not have gendered power over each other, and intra community bigotry is better conceptualized as a form of lateral aggression.

Gender assignment and sex are never strictly binary (especially with inclusion of intersex people, who belong in gender conversations even if they don't identify as trans) and need to be understood as much more fluid and not strictly correlating with one's actual position in life.

WHAT WE NEED TO REDUCE

The following things should be discussed more critically:

- "Powerjacketing" - implying someone has gendered privilege as a means of delegitimizing their words, while in reality they do not have this privilege;

- Malgendering - forcing trans people to choose between being gendered correctly and speaking up about their mistreatment (e.g. questioning trans women's womanhood on the basis of them aggressively defending themselves or trans men's manhood on the basis of them asking for help) or implying there's something wrong with them in a way that reinforces gender stereotypes;

- Assuming that some trans people are exempt from some forms of oppression on the basis of gender assignment/sex (e.g. by calling all trans people who were assigned female "tme"** or claiming trans people who were assigned male are inherently incapable of understanding fear of sexual assault);

- Assuming that oppression of trans people is rooted in gender assignment/sex (such as, calling reproductive oppression "sex based oppression"***);

- Gatekeeping certain identities, such as "transmasc", "transbian", "femboy" as exclusive to any gender assignment/sex;

- Creating a duality out of "transsexual" and "cissexual", where not medically transitioning trans people are assumed to have some kind of a gendered privilege, or to not be trans in any meaningful material way. Various transmed ideas about dysphoria and transition go there too;

- Accusing trans people who take inspiration from each other of appropriation (trans headcanons, kinks, drag culture, etc).

SYMBOL

The following image is the official transunity symbol developed by the original transunity bloggers. Sorry about the glitch effect, I wasn't able to find one without it.

* Transmisogyny, transandrophobia, and exorsexism are not exclusive to specific identities, although they do primarily target traits associated with these identities. They can be conceptualized as bigotry and oppression towards people who are recognized as incorrectly entering respectively womanhood, manhood, and a status beyond gender binary (for the latter no normative form exists****). However, it's not wrong to use them to mean "oppression of trans women" and so forth, for as long as you're not claiming it's exclusive.

** Labels like "tma" and "tme" still may be used, but solely in a self assigned manner. I believe that an individual trans person is capable of evaluating whether they're affected by transmisogyny and in what way, and they should be trusted on this. However, no gender assignment and no current gender identity makes anyone inherently tme.

*** "Sex based oppression" instead of "reproductive oppression" reinforces the idea that people who share a specific body part (e.g. an uterus in context of conversations about abortion) are inherently of the same sex. This type of essentialism is desperately needed by terfs in this discussion, as they're trying to sell the ideas of "sex based oppression" and "sex based privilege" to people they want to recruit in their ideology. Invoking the idea of "sex" as something trans men and some nonbinary people are oppressed through is not the correct way to respond to people who say we don't experience any gendered violence besides "just transphobia", it has shitty implications and helps shitty people.

**** Lack of existence of normative nonbinary gender does not mean that these genders are not recognized by the society as a deviant, marginalized identity, and that binary people cannot be pushed into this zone.

[st-dionysus]

What is transandrophobia and why is it called that? By the guy who coined it and is kind of tired of seeing it defined in the opposite of what it's meant to describe.

In it's most simple definition. Transandrophobia is the way that the fear of men impacts the material reality and mental/physical health of transgender men.

Transandrophobia, is the way that the fear of men and/or masculinity effects transgender men’s ability to access queer and transgender spaces, sexual assault survivor resources, and reproductive health care.

Transandrophobia, is the way that the fear of men and/or masculinity holds back transgender men from transitioning or from presenting as masculine.

Transandrophobia, is the way the fear of men and/or masculinity results in the disowning of transgender men from previous found families and the isolation of transgender men in general.

Transandrophobia, is the way the fear of men and/or masculinity has resulted in people using their trauma as an excuse for abusing transgender men, physically, sexually, and emotionally.

Transandrophobia, is the way the fear of men has resulted in people refusing admittance to “male identified people” to certain queer events and safe spaces.

Transandrophobia, is the way that the fear of masculinity has led to people assuming that butches across the gender spectrum are inherently violent and hyper-sexual.

Transandrophobia, is the way that the fear of men and/or masculinity results in the forced feminization of transgender men in queer spaces, with the insistence that those who refuse to feminize themselves to make others more comfortable should not be allowed entrance to certain queer spaces.

Transandrophobia, is the way that the fear of men has led people to assuming that butches who were assigned female at birth, are at risk of becoming the enemy (a man) and should not be given the same amount of trust as a feminine presenting cis woman.

Transandrophobia, is when that the fear of men being in women’s spaces prevents trans men and non-binary people who present as male from accessing gynecological care, abortions, and birth control.

Transandrophobia, is when transgender men must make themselves smaller to be seen as “one of the good ones” and it is when a trans man who is loud or sexual or Black or Brown or too masculine is seen as a threat to the safety of other transgender people.

Transandrophobia, is when transgender men who speak up about how the normalized way of speaking ill about men in feminist and queer spaces has made them activity suicidal, de-transition, or prevented them from transitioning, are told to “shut up and sit down” or “good.”

Transandrophobia, is not when trans men face misogyny – that is just a trans man facing misogyny (which all trans men face, because misogyny and sexism effects everyone, not just women). However, transandrophobia is when someone says that trans men don’t face misogyny because they are men, make claims that trans men benefit from misogyny since they are men, or insist that trans men’s experiences with misogyny aren’t as valid or as bad as when a woman or non-male person faces misogyny.

Transandrophobia, is when trans men’s struggles are dismissed as being less important, because men don’t need help or men already have help or men don't face real struggles.

Transandrophobia, is when people refuse to acknowledge that the patriarchy see’s transgender men as failed women and not men, which is why transgender men do bot benefit from the patriarchy but are instead violently and systematically punished by it.

Transandrophobia is that and a whole lot more, I would need a book to describe the entirety of the issue, I have been writing a book on it for over six years and re-writing it over and over because if I say it wrong, or say it with too much emotion, or not enough emotion, or with too many numbers, or not enough numbers, and publish it without using perfect wording, trans men might not get another chance to speak up for a long ass time and we will once again have to find new words to say "Pretty please treat me like a human being and let me have access to the things I need in order to survive." and "Pretty please consider that if a large group of people from a minority are telling you they are being oppressed by these actions and fears, then maybe you should believe them or at least the material statistical evidence of that oppression, since you probably trust journals more than us describing our reality and lived experiences."

[just-a-ghost00]

Your future spouse : Who? Where? When?

Group 1 - Van Gogh

Letters : E M D E R U O E P W T Y

Words/signs/names : deputy, Rudy, Emery, Roy, power, true, Morty, drum, poetry, proud, meet, WED, route, pure, Tower, remedy, dom, prom, word, rude, drop, rope, dye, eye, TUE, wet, pet, pouty, muted, dope, prude

Recommended songs : Fly me to the moon Frank Sinatra, Sweater weather The Neighborhood, Snooze AGUSTD, MIA Bad Bunny ft Drake

WHO? - White Numen / Ask body / Magnesite : get your mind right.

Oh this person is powerful and stubborn AF. The bull and the panther may be spirit animals of this person. If not, they like these animals or their personality matches those. In terms of astrological placements, we have Taurus and Aquarius, as well as Earth signs in general (Taurus Virgo Capricorn). They are a boss ass B. They are masculine. Like reaaaallyyyy masculine. They have BIG DADDY energy. Jupiter might be very well aspected in their chart or the sign in which Jupiter is in their chart matches well with the energy of Jupiter. That would be Sagittarius, Pisces and Cancer. This person is a creator and a good manifestor. They think a lot. They are cerebral. They may strugg with overthinking but their mind reminds their best asset. They are the epitome of brains are sexy. This person would know everything from ancient languages and art skills to the newest knowledge in technology and medicine. They can do anything and everything they set their mind to. In terms of their looks, they are definitely tall. They would tower over you and lift you up like you were a feather. They are strong in all aspects. Their torso is bigger than the lower part of their body. They have broad shoulders, big hands, big forehead and nose, prominent jawline, regardless of their gender. Maybe for the women identifying people the bum and chest would be bigger than other features of their body. And for the men identifying people, the pectorals would be juicy. With the ask body card, this tells me this person works out a lot. They are also very spiritual. They give off a lone wolf energy when really this person has a lot of love to give they just know what they want and they have strong boundaries. So they would never let themselves be walked over or let in people who would bring more BS than anything. This person would keep you on your toes for sure. I feel like they would have a bold fashion style. Something that stands out from current trends or that is unusual for people who are like them. For instance, let’s say this person is quite old, maybe you’d expect them to wear suits and fancy watches. But instead this person has a very casual look or dresses like the younger people. They could be your boss or at least someone who has a higher status than yours. It wouldn’t surprise me if they already had kids. They are well established.

WHEN? - Page of pentacles / Higher perspective / Bismuth : rewrite your code with rainbows.

In terms of timing, the page of pentacles represents several months. Now if we look at the meaning of the page of pentacles, it talks about education. The page is a learner, a student in matters of material aspects. Combined with the Higher perspective card, this definitely gives me the feeling of going back to college. Or getting a training in something very specific. Potentially something involving spirituality. Like taking reiki courses or tarot reading lessons. So I feel this person is a teacher or a mentor to you. With the Bismuth card, I feel like this person will be opening doors for you. And that could be litteral because the door of my room opened out of nowhere as I was trying to get more information from the card. Higher perspective is related to Ether. This means to me that you will meet at a point in your life when you wish to evolve, to embody a better version of yourself and seek to gain knowledge or power.

WHERE? - King of cups / The Explorer / Malachite : claim your success.

We already had kind of a hint with the previous section. And I feel like it’s further confirmed by these cards, especially the Malachite card. Now if we talk about geographical indicators, water seems to be relevant. Also on the Explorer card there’s a compass. So it tells me that where you meet them, there is either a plan or something related to navigation or orientation. Also when looking at this card I heard "you already know where to find them". So it gives me the strong feeling that many of you already know this person and already met them. It’s just that you didn’t consider them your FS. Also the malachite card mentions the workspace. So you could work together. Or you’re doing the same job and you go to them for advice. Also the king of cups card depicts a man sitting on a thrown spilling water in an ocean of sharks. So this also tells me there’s a lot of competition where you meet. And it’s like this person is trying to educate or heal the sharks somehow.

Group 2 - Monet

Disclaimer : I kept confusing you with group 1 and there were cards of group 1 that kept wanting to come into your reading so you might want to check group 1 as well. I think there are two people that have the potential of being your future spouse.

Letters : L I S G E S T M S I E K

Words / signs / names : Selim, time, lies, mess, Tess, seek, kisses, misses, meets, lists, sees, skies, ski, Mike, miles, gems, glee, mist, melt, GSM, kit, leek, miel (French for honey), TMI, MIT, Stiles, geek

Recommended songs : Easy Camilla Cabello, Life goes on AGUSTD , Hall of fame Stray Kids

WHO? - Ace of pentacles / The Seeker / Aragonite : find your center.

Earth signs are being shown here. On the ace of pentacles card there are 8 hands reaching for the pentacle. So your person is wanted by many. They feel younger than you. They are possibly a student or a young active. With the Seeker card I feel like this person hasn’t found their true calling yet. They feel lost and out of balance. Maybe they got a job that doesn’t make them happy or their studies aren’t as fulfilling as they thought. They are super shy and reserved. They may appear as cold when they are just a softy. They have trust issues. They feel really cute to be honest. But also they are lonely. It’s like they keep searching for the one, when they have so many prospects. I feel like they have a lot of high standards and they know that other people don’t match the vibe they’re going for. I feel like this person only has eyes for you but you don’t see them. Again, this group knows their FS already. In terms of physical traits, I feel like this person has good hands. But their body might look out of shape a little. They’re more on the chubby side. They look comforting. Like the type of person that would give the best hugs. Their gaze is really soft. Like a puppy. They feel pretty needy tbh. But not the suffocating type of needy. They just want to be loved and crave for connection. Someone that will share their interests and values. Who will match their crazy and feel safe in their presence. I feel like this person has faced a lot of rejection in the past and they kinda are stuck with this idea that no one wants them. They are an introvert. They like to isolate and be in their bubble. I feel like people have an idea of them that is completely false. Like maybe they think this person is a flirt and parties all night when in truth they’re a couch potato and a gym rat. They only go out of truly needed and they would rather be alone than surrounded by tons of people they barely know. This person wants a family of their own so bad. Like a big family with the white dog and pretty little house. They’re a hopeless romantic and an idealist.

WHEN? - 2 of pentacles / Reclaim / Scolecite : dive into your dreams.

On the 2nd of a month, two months from now. It feels like you may be going back and forth with this person before fully knowing them or being close to them. There’s a chase and run type of energy to this connection. You’ll meet them when you or they are reclaiming your/their power and changing something in your life. So moving houses, changing jobs or getting back to studying. When you start chasing your dreams. Also you could meet them in your dreams before meeting them in person. During any earth sign season.

WHERE? - Queen of pentacles / Power / Amethyst : get drunk on your highest self.

In a places of power or worship such as Cathedrals and Churches, Mosques, temples, town halls, or in a place of education. Also monuments came to mind. Like the Eiffel Tower, the leaning tower of Pisa. There were many stars on the Queen of pentacles’s dress so Europe came to mind. The US and the UK as well. Other places include : Siberia, the Far East, Brazil, Uruguay, Sri Lanka, South Africa, Mexico, Australia, South Korea, India, Austria, Germany, Italy, Canada.

Group 3 - Hokusai

Letters : C Q T E C S L I G A L I

Words/signs/names : Ali, Alice, Alicia, Cecilia, Scilla, Giles, Gael, Gaelic, sigil, sea, sail, Lisa, aigle (French for eagle), Elisa, Elias, Cali, cast, list, tails, IQ, Tesla, sage, Isac, Lila, lilac, cis, alt, ciel (French for sky), call, site, Lise, teal, lace, acts, sell

Recommended songs : Mon amour GEMINI , 3:00 AM Finding hope , Dark on me Starset

WHO? - 6 of pentacles / The Revolutionary / Honey calcite : break through your limits.

First of all, your person might have a white dog. Second of all, they have tanned skin. Thirdly, they could work in law enforcement or they are studying at Law school. They could be doing humanitarian work. They are balanced and grounded. Both in their attitude as well as their personality. They know when to give and when to take, when to talk and when to listen, when to act and when to observe. With the revolutionary card, this tells me that they are pretty determined and ambitious. This person likes to stand for greater causes. So you’d bet that they advocate for children and women rights, for the LGBTQIA+ community, for the respect of nature and animals as well as the end of wars. The signs of Taurus, Aries, Sagittarius and Leo are significant. This person is very sweet. Almost to the point where sometimes they put others needs before their own. Especially if it’s about being fair and giving retribution for wrongs caused by previous generations. This person feels like they have a debt they need to pay. Also they might have suffered abuse in the past so they want to have retribution for them but also for the people who were wronged like they were. In terms of physical traits, their body is harmonious. So for female presenting individuals, they would have kind of an hour glass body type. Same for male presenting individuals. This person feels gender fluid. They are a minimalist. They like to keep things simple when it comes to the way they look. Honestly if they could be naked on a daily basis they would be. They’re in touch with nature. Animals love them. They have a very comforting aura. This person really is as sweet as honey. They could be a creator, a designer, a public speaker. They like to use their voice and their status to raise awareness about things they care about and value. They could be a teacher as well or someone that works with kids.

WHEN ? Page of swords / Paradox / Hematite : align with your wholeness.

When stars align. When you finally let your guards down. When you align with your calling, your soul mission. During any air sign season. Within a few weeks from now. When you’re on your period. When you let go of your old beliefs on love or when you move on from a past love, an unrequited love or a crush that would never have evolved into anything more than friendship. When your spiritual beliefs change drastically (i.e. you decide to convert to a new faith, you no longer believe in God, you choose to follow a spiritual path).

WHERE? - Queen of swords / Get wild / Emerald : point your heart toward grace.

In terms of countries, we have : Colombia, Brazil, Zambia, Zimbabwe, USA, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Russia, Australia. Now, in terms of where you could meet, I'm not getting much from these cards. It's like your FS wants to play hide and seek. They're not really comfortable sharing where they are. The only thing I'm picking up on is somewhere where the law is involved. So it could be an administration, a police station, law school, a lawyer's office, a prison. With the get wild card, the only hint I can get is that it can get intense. I asked for a card to clarify the Queen of swords and I got the 9 of pentacles. So law and money are involved. So maybe a bank or an insurance company. Or somewhere businesses and entrepreneurs go to get advice on how to invest their money or know if something they intend to do is legal or not.

[battlekidx2]

“Do you like girls?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you like boys?”

“I don’t know. I think I like TV shows.”

I remember when I was in middle school all the other girls were talking about the guys they liked and I said I didn’t like anyone. I just wanted to do my own thing.

I didn’t really get why I would want to date anyone. I understood friendship, companionship— having someone to share my interests and mutually info dump to sounded cool— but I struggled to understand the appeal of spending every day and every night with someone else. Of holding hands and going on dates. 

This led to a lot of homophobic bullying and a few of them would act disgusted that I might be into them. Constantly acting like I was looking at their boobs and sexualizing them (I never made eye contact with anyone and would frequently look at the wall or space out while looking in their general direction). Or make a big show of not being interested and many other things.

I didn’t get this either. I didn’t know why I would be interested in any of them. They treated me poorly and I thought attraction was something people made up and simply just claimed to feel towards other people.

Just like I never understood celebrity crushes. You don’t know the person so how could you possibly know you liked them? And I never understood how people “chose” who they dated. Did they just choose whoever they liked hanging out with the most?

But any time I voiced this it was always met with worse and worse reactions. It led to isolation among peers and my family. My parents made it pretty clear I wasn’t who they wanted me to be. That I wasn’t normal.

I soon learned to fake it. Pretend I understood it.

The idea of not being attracted to anyone seemed like a foreign idea to most people I met. Even when I branched out and moved away, I met a few people in the lgbt community who couldn’t grasp it either and reacted poorly and it made me feel stupid. Like maybe I wasn’t just screwed up to people who fit in the neat little box society wants you to fit in, but to everyone else as well.

Maybe I was wrong. If it’s an impossibility even in this community that champions diversity and acceptance then can that really be my reality?

I kept trying to force it. To date, but every time I did I always felt that same skin crawling discomfort and it always petered out. It didn’t matter who it was or what gender. It always felt wrong. It was suffocating.

I don’t think there’s a movie that better portrays that all consuming, suffocating stagnation of feeling so out of place– knowing you’re out of place compared to those around you– and in response forcing yourself to fit what other people expect of you than I Saw the TV Glow.

Whenever I think back to growing up or whenever I return home that same feeling this movie is centered around always drenches my experiences.

And even now it’s hard to put into words when I talk to other people what I’ve felt when it comes to this aspect of my life.

That comment from Owen about knowing there’s nothing there when talking about romance and attraction, but being too afraid to look and knowing that his parents know something is wrong with him hit harder than any other scene from a movie I’ve watched this year.

It’s that absence of something that is at the heart of asexuality that makes me always question what I choose to identify as when I have to explain it to someone. Because for the most part my explanation boils down to (in broad oversimplified terms): I’ve never felt attraction, I’m more interested in watching a Spider-Man movie than I’ve ever been into even just the idea of dating, every time I’ve attempted to date it’s been uncomfortable and I’ve actively dodged anything beyond friendship while in the “relationship”.

And when I try to voice that to another person it always feels like those experiences don’t hold water. That’s describing the absence of something. There’s no real proof of the identity.

With being bi or gay or lesbian there’s something you can I don’t know—point to?— that can help you know your identity.

And that’s the fact that you’ve experienced attraction towards one or more people of one or more genders.

It’s defined not by the lack of something but the presence of an experience.

And so every time I try and explain it I end up feeling stupid. Like I just haven’t tried hard enough to find someone compatible. That I need to get back into the proverbial saddle and try again. I always in some way feel ashamed and backtrack as a result.

This is in no way to say that it’s harder or easier to be one identity or the another. Everyone’s experiences are different and everyone experiences are valid. This is just a struggle I’ve found that’s unique to asexuality that many people I’ve talked to have also experienced.

I haven’t felt that part of my experience be seen in media until I saw this movie. Maybe I’m latching onto what I can get or maybe that was an intrinsic part of the movie. That’s not important. What’s important is that it’s something I felt seen in even if it was literally just one scene.

This is my really long winded and roundabout way of saying that I really think this movie is going to stick with me much longer than any other thing I’ve seen this year.

Things can be hard to put into words and as a result I tend to keep things inside. I’m fairly certain I’m ace but it might turn out I’m on a different romantic spectrum then I thought or I fall somewhere different than I thought on the ace spectrum. I don’t know what I’ll discover in the future.

I’m likely not going to express my label out loud to anyone but a select few. I still can’t express this particular label out loud to many people. My family is definitely never going to hear it. A friend or two might.

It’s something I struggle with on a regular basis. I’m fine with identifying with the label in my head—in a lot of ways it makes me feel comfortable and happy— but any time I try to voice it the words die in my throat and I can’t help but feel ashamed. It’s easier to just tell people I don’t want to date right now. That there are all these factors in the way (finances, time, jobs, etc) than it is to try and explain what I’ve just rambled about above.

I know many people have felt and understood that experience and I hope people know they’re valid. You can express your identity with your full chest, shout it from the rooftops and let people know, or you can keep it to yourself, identifying as your label solely in your head. Both experiences are valid. And if your label changes at some point in your life that doesn’t make what you chose to identify as at this point any less valid too. People are always learning and growing. You can gain a new understanding of yourself as time move forward.

Sorry for the way too long ramble. This movie made me feel things.

[transmisogyny-explained]

Making my own post because apparently this still needs to be said:

GNC cis men are not TMA, regardless of what specific words they use to describe themselves.

Yes, some TMA people do not self-identify as women or fem/mes, and some of their identities have overlap with those of GNC cis men’s.

These two things are unrelated because the specific words you use to describe yourself is not what makes you TMA. As transfeminists have been saying for years: yes, everyone is “affected” by transmisogyny to some extent. But proximity to transfemininity, being mistaken for a trans woman, does not a transfeminized subject make. GNC cis men being interpersonally discriminated against for their proximity to transfemininity does not make them TMA — does not make their identities inherently confined by the entire system of oppression that is transmisogyny — any more than TME trans people’s proximity to trans women makes them TMA.

What does make someone TMA is that they reject their male assignment and transition toward womanhood/femininity. It is both of these things in tandem that create the intersection between oppositional sexism (transitioning from one gender to another) and traditional sexism (rejecting the concept of male supremacy) that we know as transmisogyny.

Furthermore, it’s absurd to continually insist, no matter what new excuse you come up with, that feminism needs to start centering men and prioritizing their needs above those of women. We have had this exact conversation a thousand different times over a thousand different things.

Also, it is frankly bizarre to claim that GNC cis men can be TMA but then completely ignore the existence of GNC trans men. If rejecting male assignment is not, in some part, required to be TMA, then how exactly are GNC trans men not TMA too…?

The possibility that some or even all self-identified GNC cis men/femboys/sissies/drag queens/etc. are actually eggs or closeted trans women (insane thing to assume, btw!) doesn’t suddenly give them a pass for the rampant transmisogyny within their communities. Transfeminists have never just given a pass to TMA people for being transmisogynistic and putting other TMA people down in order to prop themselves up and gain favor with TME people. It’s a wild double standard to give self-identified cis men who might be eggs leniency but not extend the same to self-identified transfems.

And pointing out that GNC cis men are not TMA is in no way comparable to claiming that closeted trans women have male privilege? Closeted trans women aren’t TMA because they’re perceived as feminine men, they are literally women who have been forced to hide their identities. That, in itself, is transmisogyny.

Closeted trans women are still trans women, even if they call themselves men. TME people are still TME, even if they call themselves transfems. GNC cis men are still cis men, even if they call themselves femboys or sissies. What you choose to label yourself is more or less arbitrary, but the category into which a stratified society forcibly places you based on certain immutable characteristics like gender does, in fact, affect how you relate to conversations about privilege and oppression. “Identity” is made up, but Identity is not.

For the last time, trans women are not treated like feminine men (see: third-gendering/degendering); they’re treated like “failed women,” women denied their womanhood, women you’re allowed to abuse. To act like their treatment by society is the same as GNC cis men’s is to give credence to the theories transandrobros have been pushing about how transmisogyny is actually derived from “misandry.” Frankly, if you seriously can’t tell the difference at this point, then I don’t know what to tell you, you might just not be a transfeminist.

And, lastly, I will always be wary of any argument about how “x group is TMA too!” when nine times out of ten, it’s just TMEs trying to assert that they have the authority to speak over transfems about our own oppression.

[0w0tsuki]

Since it's become a subject again I'm going to remind everyone that "AFAB Transfeminism" is a TERF psyop. Remember when the AITA blog had a post about how a detransitioned ex-transman was calling herself a trans woman and using that to give false advice to baby transfems.

And then afterwards we hold a bunch of "AFAB Trasfeminist" blogs popping up out of nowhere with posts edited to be from months before bold face saying "I am a perisex woman but I am a trans woman because I identify as such".

Now to explain it to you all who are all caught up in identity culture what's wrong with this. When we say trans women are women, we are not saying trans women are trans women, we are saying trans women are WOMEN. "Trans Woman" is not an identity. It is a category of women just like black or disabled or fat or any other category of marginalized women. When you say that "Trans Woman" is an identity that anyone can claim ownership you are telling us that you don't see us as women but as someone who only identifies as a woman. Someone whose relationship to womanhood is only as deep as how she chooses to identify and not in how that they are affected by misogyny in the material world. The very argument is operative on the very transphobia that conservatives use to make the "well of gender is all made up then I identify as a helicopter".

Trans means that the gender that you have is not that same as the gender you were assigned. Cis means the opposite, your gender is the same as the one you were assigned.If you detransitioned you are not transitioning to being a woman because you were one to begin with. If you identify with the same gender you were assigned you are cis. Because trans women are not an identity, they are women who are categorically trans.

[rottenpumpkin13]

Hi! Do you have sexual/romantic orientation + gender identity HCs for AGSZC?

I can't remember if these have changed too much from the last time I answered this, but here we go!

Zack: He/him, Bye Bye Bye - NSYNC. Flirts with anything that breathes, sometimes even inanimate objects if he's bored. Thinks sexuality is a spectrum and he's roller-skating across it at full speed.

Sephiroth: Firmly convinced he's above distractions like romance and sex, thinks he's aroace (without the label). In reality, he's demi and emotionally constipated, needing a five-year emotional bond before realizing "Oh, that's attraction". He identifies as male on paper but by the time he's a god, he's shrugged off human concepts entirely—gender, emotions—it's all beneath him. The only thing that's not beneath him yet is Cloud.

Genesis: Bi and vocal about it. Canonicalyl, IMO. Mans spends half of Crisis Core harassing men and the other half exalting a goddess. He flirts with men, women, and anyone who listens long enough to hear his next soliloquy. He/they but honestly doesn't care; gender's just another stage costume. Love and sex are art forms, and Genesis is determined to master every medium.

Angeal: Thinks he's straight, but that's just the denial talking. He can flirt and take women out, but claims he's "too busy with SOLDIER duties" to date. The man won't admit he's queer as hell it until a dude knocks him sideways with feelings he can't rationalize.

Cloud: Thinks he's straight because Nibelheim didn't exactly hand out Pride pamphlets. And then he finds out he's bi. The moment someone points this out, he'll have a quiet existential crisis in the corner, then continue pining awkwardly after Zack. And then he finds out he's gay—

[velvetvexations]

some ramblings about the hijra discourse from a two-spirit indigenous person: obviously i cannot speak to all the nuances of the hijra specifically, but the flattening of the hijra identity to ONLY EVER IN ALL CASES being a trans woman or trans fem seems to come from a similar place of universalizing experiences that I see TRFs doing more broadly ie: "i, a trans woman, experience this, therefore every trans woman experiences this" "being a woman makes me happy, therefore being a woman would make everyone happy, even if they think they're happy as a cis man/trans man/non-feminine-nonbinary person" "the oppression i experience is exclusive to my gender identity and a few similar gender identities. if someone else claims to have this experience, they are either lying or cannot experience it like i do" "all trans people AMAB are trans women or woman-aligned, and if they think they're not, that's just internalized transmisogyny" so with hijra, there ARE hijra who are trans women, so TRFs take that an universalize it, but in doing so erase hijra who are adamant that they are NOT trans women. the following statements can and MUST coexist without cancelling the other out: some hijra are trans women some hijra are not trans women universalizing either experience is a mistake and harms people who use that label regardless of how they understand themselves. it's also incredibly condescending to try and argue that the only reason hijra wouldn't identify as trans women is because they have internalized transmisogyny they need to work through. we can and should critique the concept of third genders and the way anthropologists pathologized transfemininity in indigenous peoples- but we also need to talk about how they completely erased transmasculinity and unaligned transness in indigenous peoples. it is ALSO colonizing to paint with such a broad brush that every "third gender" is just the western concept of a trans woman. tbh, i see a lot of weird fetishizing in some trans spaces where white trans people point to the concept of third genders and adopt some sort of "shamanic priestess" identity as they long for a mythologized past where they'd be worshipped or given status based on their gender, EVEN WHEN THEIR ANCESTRY HAS NO SUCH "THIRD GENDER"! i find it really gross seeing the common narrative of "if i were born 500 years ago i'd be worshipped as a priestess but instead i have to work" when the vast majority of those stories come from indigenous peoples (and a lot of them are also colonized interpretations of those societies- my culture doesn't worship ANYONE like that as much as people like to pretend otherwise) i feel really confident about this perspective because i have to constantly fight to be recognized as a gender that falls completely outside of western understandings of gender. no gender label commonly understood in western discourse accurately describes who i am internally nor how i move through the world. and yet constantly i have non-indigenous people attempting to tell me who i am based only on outward appearances and western concepts. life is messy, nuanced, complex, and choosing to apply universal perspectives on indigenous identities/culture/societies is doing the colonizer's work for them.

Thank you for educating me, anon!

[ugly-anarchist]

Anti-masculinity as I describe it isn't supposed to be this systemic model of oppression that labels x group over here as the oppressor of y group. It's about the beliefs that people hold and the way they influence certain groups of queer people. It's more about lateral mistreatment within the queer community then it is systemic oppression or privilege. It's a unifying label of experiences. And yes... Anti-femininity exists too. Of course it does. Why the fuck are people claiming it doesn't?

Anti-masculinity is the belief that men, masculinity, or having traits that people perceive as masculine makes someone inherently predatory, abusive, or perverted. Anti-masculinity can also come in the form of forcing people into specific masculine gender roles.

Examples of anti-masculinity are: Trans men being told they're transitioning to the "problematic" gender. Trans women who don't pass being labeled as predatory and scary. Intersex people with hyperandrogenism being told their high T levels make them a threat to fem people. Butch sapphics, especially those who take T, being called traitors to their gender and forced out of sapphic spaces. Amab or masc nonbinary people who aren't accepted into "women and nonbinary" spaces because they are seen as too masculine. Bi women who like men being ostracized from sapphic spaces because "no one wants to kiss a mouth that has had a dick in it".

These people, with a variety of different labels and experiences, have a unifying experience of being targeted for traits that are seen as masculine and therefore bad. Masculinity is often seen as the enemy of queerness and this impacts the way queer people are treated within the community. Again, this isn't about systemic oppression. It's about the unfair treatment that some queer people experience because masculinity is seen as inherently predatory and men are seen as the enemy.

Yes, you can claim or argue that anti-masculinity is "just X form of oppression" but all of the things I listed stem from a hatred of masculinity. All of this would be solved if we didn't view masculinity as the enemy.

And this isn't something that is perpetuated by a single group or community either. Again, it is lateral and often self-inflicted. Sometimes very literally. A lot of people internalize anti-masculinity and inflict it on themselves. They feel shame for liking men, being men, or looking masculine.

In order to be accepting of all queer people we need to unlearn anti-masculinity and judge others by their actions. Not the gender they identify as, how they present, or what physical traits they have that are out of their control. No one should feel bad or ashamed for who they're attracted to, what they look like, or what their gender is. I kind of thought that was the point of the queer community but apparently some people on tumblr have forgotten that.

[busket]

something I've been thinking about is how men and masculine people are more discouraged against having complex and nuanced relationships with their gender. I remember discussions years ago about the term "nonbinary woman" and how someone can identify as nonbinary but still hold on to their identity as a woman too. i don't know if that conversation ever happened with men as well because I've noticed people have a more black and white view about us. you're either a capital M Man or you're nonbinary (which people love to consider the 3rd gender 🙄)

I'm thinking specifically about trans men lesbians too; I've seen people claim it's internalized transphobia for a trans man to identify as a lesbian bc lesbians are women and trans men are men. they mean this to be affirming, but that totally strips us of our right to have complexity and nuance in our gender identity. I can say "I am a trans man, and trans men are men. so I am a man." and also say "I relate closely to my feminine side and my life as a woman until now, and i dont want to abandon that" and both can be true. we can be men, as well as be something more than men or something different then men all at once. the same is true for cis men and other amab people, you can be man and also be something else too! there are no rules!

[dykeulous]

1.) for the love of science, please, please stop using the theory of gendered socialization as some “gotcha” against all female people. stop trying to constitute that just because a person who happens to be female is only empathic because they’re female. stop making us all look bad, stop proving the dumbasses who say we’re trying to claim all women have some universal spiritual bond that connects them & that we’re using the theory to constitute & declare all women as inherently this and all men as inherently that, right. stop misunderstanding the theory. yes, socialization has impacts on how someone turns out as a person. yes, socialization does influence personality, and yes, the reason why women are more likely to be empathic is because of socialization, not because of some inherent biological magic; however, this doesn’t mean that having basic human decency & choosing not to be a piece of shit is somehow alien to male people. this doesn’t mean that women should throw away all their learned personality traits & tendencies. just because empathy is more forced & pushed onto women, doesn’t mean women need to get rid of that. instead, women should work on unlearning passiveness & unhealthy self-consciousness– female people should unlearn the process of female socialization that taught them to think low of themselves, that taught them to constantly feel like a burden, that taught them not to have any boundaries & to stay quiet and meek– empathy & human decency are not something to be thrown away. those are valuable & natural human traits.

2.) the trans movement is not inherently anti-feminist. the commodification, commercialization, and pinkwashing of it is. if we look very closely, trans people a lot of the time agree with the core elements of radical feminism; they just phrase their beliefs differently. there are gaps within ideologies, and both sides can be obtuse as fuck. both sides can be annoying & unwilling to learn. both sides can do legitimate harm in the real world. both sides need to learn from each other & stop vilifying & caricaturing the other as some pesty inherent danger that should be hidden from the rest of the world. gender critical women and trans rights activists need not always be “at odds”. we can, and we will, bridge the gap; no matter how many times annoying people like you fly around our ears like & whine. buzz all you want. there are people out there working on bridging the gap & are efficiently doing so. if you want to lock yourself up in an echo-chamber while also insisting trans people are doing that very same thing, then well done. have your hypocrisy cake and eat it 🤷🏻. me personally, i’ll keep having meaningful discussions with people who don’t necessarily share the same worldview as i do. nevertheless, radical feminism does wonders for trans people, and there are so many radical feminists out there insistent on proving that. if you’re going to sit back and whine about “men in dresses”, “those disgusting tranzes invading women’s spaces” and “moid xys fetishizing women”, while not doing anything whatsoever to improve the conditions of your local women– then don’t bother calling yourself a feminist of any sorts, yet alone a radical feminist. gncphobia does not look good on a person claiming to be pro-feminist. seriously.

3.) “no one is arguing that we should make trans-identified people’s lives worse” this is just, like, blatantly untrue. bans & limits on self-expression, bodily automony & self-determination, do in fact, harm trans people, a deeply vulnerable & targeted group in many societies. the same societies that tend to be extremely intolerant of trans people are also extremely intolerant of women. this is not a coincidence. it’s not a coincidence that the worst misogynists are also very often transphobic. it’s not a coincidence that conservatives, the people working to tangibly oppress trans people, are also anti-abortion, anti-divorce, pro-nuclear family, and anti-lgb. it’s almost like, hey– trans people are oppressed on the gender axis! and if you’re going to say that you said this in regards to radfems; you’d also be wrong. i will agree that tras often unrealistically portray radfems as fashies capable of systemically oppressing trans people, and that they very often create conspiracy theories on how “terfs are running the world” & “terfs control the governments”, exaggerating the “power” radfems may have– but this does not mean that there are no transphobic radfems. i’ve seen many deny dysphoria being a thing, many are unnecessarily & inhumanely cruel to dysphoric people & constantly try to purposely trigger someone’s dysphoria, many are exceptionally cruel to trans men (which is funny because they like to claim we are their “lost sisters” or whatever), many straight up mock surgeries & call people “mutilated” which extends to the hatred & bigotry against detrans folk. you cannot complain how trans people refuse to excommunicate genuinely awful people in their community if you yourself are going to ignore the genuinely awful people in your own community. you just cannot.

4.) “we are pro gender abolition and they are pro gender”– i mean, making a wild claim like this just proves you’ve locked yourself up in an echo-chamber. you sound exactly💯 how those tras who portray radfems as The Incarnation of Devil Himself sound like. you believe you know everything about a group & the group’s beliefs without conversating with anyone from said group. that’s exactly how many tras behave, making up wild claims & false caricatures of radfem beliefs, exaggerating them up to the point of nonsense. like, i’m sorry– but i’ll call bullshit on the “they are pro gender” stuff. i just cannot bring myself to believe that a group uniquely oppressed by gender is capable of meaningfully supporting the existence of it. sure, there are trans people who will vocally say they are against the abolition of gender because they personally feel it helps them because want to assimilate/it helps them express & understand themselves or whatever– but this doesn’t erase the reality of gender inherently repressing & oppressing trans individuals. certain, individual trans people can do & say wacky shit, they can hold horrible and stupid beliefs– but this does not reflect the universal reality of trans existence. trans people deviate from the gender binary. trans people do not fit into the system of gender, and as such, they can only benefit from the abolition of gender. gender hurts us in a very specific way, and we are going against the very existence of it, just by existing. this isn’t to say some trans people aren’t genuinely dumb & misogynistic/bio-essentialist/neurosexist/assimilationist/homophobic/awful/whatever– i’m simply saying that we as a group do not fit into the gender system– obviously, we still have to prove that we truly are against it, but we defy traditionalist way of thought merely by existing. of course, we still have to do actual work to be considered activists, and we aren’t immediately some punk blood-pumping political figures simply on the basis of not fitting in.

5.) any person who sends rape & death threats to anyone is despicable. the phenomenon of this specifically happening to radfems is real, but we cannot base our moral beliefs & opinions on an entire group off of this. oftentimes, it’s not even actual trans people sending the threats, it’s cis people [particularly cis men to be clear] who want to speak over us. calling out homophobia & misogyny in the trans community is a worthy endeavor & definitely, desperately needs to be done. being hateful and assuming all trans people are this disgusting caricature in your head, is not. again, we will bridge the gap, and there’s nothing you can do about it. activists of all kinds will come together & reshape the world from the roots of it. they will pull out all the toxicity & take down all the oppressive structures & institutions, stomp on them violently & mercilessly– they will rebuild the world from its’ roots, all over again.

[lesboytism]

tw homophobia transphobia lesbophobia

i posted this thread yesterday on twitter because there was so much lesboy hate on a term i coined, so i just wanted to explain what a lesboy is right.

you can already see the ratio on it. hundereds upon hundereds of quotes who mostly, did not even read the thread. they all started insisting i, a nonbinary lesbian, was a straight man for educating people on lesboys and identifying as one. i made a joke about someone calling me straight by showing my cutesy fem outfits, and people continued to say i had internalized transphobia because.. im a rosboy? i specified it was a joke abt myself and ik fem straight guys exist, but the amount of people trying to force the straight label oh me is disgusting. we have so much to work on as a community. it is so sad to see this much hate from my own community of people over a damn label. you cant claim we can do whatever we want with gender because its a construct without breaking down the fact sexuality is also a construct that reinforces gender roles.