#someoen come talk to me about them. i have so many thoughts

[zrllosyn-art]

His hair DOES kinda, flop into his face after combat. So i guess he does??

Anyways more stuff that is not in the comic but i made on the side.

[that-one-weeb-but-starwars]

Must be this tall to Hunt| Boba Fett (tcw age so like 13/14)

Couldnt find a good teen boba gif, so heres bosk instead

Warnings: fake blame,

Reader: female

"You are expelled from the order-"

"What!?" Y/n shouted looking up at the council, "I did nothing! Master Plo! Reason with them!"

"I am sorry little one, I-"

Y/n was heart broken, looking up at the surrounding Jedi, this couldn't be true.

"Master Obi-Wan!" Y/n pleaded.

"Your attachments grow," Windu spoke, "and with them your anger."

"My anger?! My anger?!" Y/n shouted at him.

"Little one please." Plo pleaded, "I have brought a witness."

"You!?" Y/n argued, "Master I demand an answer! Why! Why would you- You out of all People!-"

She watched Anakin walk in guilt ridden on his face, "You!? Anakin! You!?"

He kept quiet as Fives walked in, her world stopping.

"Y-Your lieing!" She shouted, "Fives?! Not you! I trust you and you do this!?"

"Arc Trooper Fives." Windu spoke, " what have you seen Padawan Y/n do?"

Fives looked at her, "I. Saw Genral Y/n with a clone trooper,"

"Im with troopers everyday!" Y/n defended.

"What was Padawan Y/n doing with this clone trooper."

"...intercourse sir." Fives responded.

"Thats Obsurded Fives! And you know it!" Y/n argued, "You're my brothers- Why in gods name would I fuck any of you!"

"Y/n! That is enough!" Plo argued.

"You believe this crap!? You're suppose to have MY back!" Y/n demanded, "I'd have your back no matter what! And you turn on me!"

"Are there any other witnesses?" Fisto spoke.

"Yes." Windu spoke, "bring them in."

Y/n watched, her brothers, the wolf pack, Commandos and even some from the Corosaunt Gaurd walk in, and they strung there string of lies and they strung them high and low, entagled the lies beyond untanglement.

"Padawan L/n is to be expelled from the Order and that is our final verdict."

The platform she was on went downward, the clone troopers who had made there testimonies were gathered at the bottom, a path for her to go through.

"Y/n-" Wolfee spoke reaching out a hand.

"Don't you dare touch me!" She shouted in anger pushing past the clones.

"It had to be done." Commander Thron spoke quietly.

The others nodded.

"Damn it!" Fives shouted running out the room and rushing down the halls, after the light echoing of Y/n's angered footsteps.

She pushed the doors open and just walking out them she stopped, hearing Five's steps behind her.

"General. It had to be done-"

"What!? The lies! The string of lies you built! Why!? Why would you do this to me?!" Y/n argued looking back at the clone.

"We wanted to protect you-"

"Bullshit Fives! Bullshit! I love all of you! All of you!" Y/n shouted, screaming so loud it was sure to be heard all the way down to the lower level.

"Y/n listen!-' he grabbed her shoulders trying to plead with her but she pushed him away ingiting one side of her double sided saber as Fives quickly backed up.

"Touch me again and I'll kill you." She spoke.

"I don't even deserve death. I know- I-" Fives tried to explained, "We wanted to protect you-"

"Then you should of had my back!"

The bright blade turned off and she turned around leaving without a second thought.

"Hey! Wake up!" Boba argued.

Y/n turned her self around as she opened her eyes, "what do you want Fett."

"Rations idiot." He spoke as Y/n sat up, the girl only a year older than Bobba.

She was thrown a rations bar by the boy as they were in a hotel room, she had been sleeping on the couch.

"How much longer we waitin?" She asked taking a crunch out of the bar.

"An hour, I told you that the how much longer last time you woke up." He argued looking through the window.

Y/n kept quiet as she ate her food, it bland and bleak in both tast and color.

Bobba took an arm chair by the window as he ate his own rations. It was silent for a long mintue.

"Did. You have that nightmare again?" He asked.

Y/n looked over at him, "when do I not?"

Boba ate a peice of his own ration bar, he never knew what the nightmare was about, but knew it was the same one, on repeat.

He had the same.

"You, uh. Wanna talk about it?"

She looked his way, then looked away quickly, only able to see the faces of her brothers.

"No." She replied coldy tossing the barely eaten ration bar on the table, her appetite gone, "I'm gonna go scope the roof, don't wait up for me."

She walked towards the door, grabbing the sniper on the way out.

"I'll come with you. Incase someone tries to get you from behind."

"I don't need someone to have my back." Y/n argued.

"Well then Im coming because I want to!"

He pushed past Y/n as she scoffed, following him close behind as they walked towards the steps, somewhere along the way Y/n hacked into a vending Machine, Boba going up the stairs himself, stealing whatever she pleased putting it in her sling bag, enough for her only.

"Sharing is what?" Y/n questioned Woflee

"An opportunity for someoen to get there arm chopped off, it's my food." Wolfee told her.

Y/n sighed, how she hated her own little life lessons to her brothers, and stole more food, enough for both Boba and her, and a little extra.

Walking up the rest of the steps she made it to the door she kicked open with the bottom of her foot.

"Could you try and be quiet?" He seethed.

"I mean. I could. But no." Y/n responded walking towards the edge where Boba sat on a near by utiliy unit.

She sat down setting her back infront of her as she laid herself on her side her back to Boba the lights of the bright city below barely reaching the top of the tall hotel they sat on.

"You want one?"

Boba looked over seeing Y/n holding up a soda.

"Where did you get that?"

"Stole it."

Rolling his eyes he walked over to her snatching the bottle and sitting himself by her head.

"Hey hey. Fives calm your tits." Y/n laughed.

Boba stayed silent as he looked at her, she too busy looking out and onward, but feeling the stare she looked besides her.

"Oh." Y/n realized, "My bad Fett."

Boba stayed silent, as Y/n took a drink of her own soda, he had realized she had become more sympathetic with her apology.

"You wanna talk about it now?" Boba questioned.

Y/n sighed, answering in silence for a mintue, "My only family betrayed me. Strung a String of lies to supposedly keep me safe. I think about it all the time. We use to find these abaonded places and sit up on the roofs like this, we'd sing, start a bonfire, get drunk."

"Your as old as me." Fett argued.

Y/n shrugged, "war does that, you only live once Fett."

"Then why are you still worrying about it?" Boba defended.

"Why do you still worry about the things you worry about?" Y/n questioned, "but I was kicked out of my group, my name stripped of me, and instead of having my back, they had me cast out. Happy Now?"

It was silent again, the hearing of honking and swearving down below could be heard.

"I lost my dad to the Jedi."

Y/n stopped mid way lifting her drink to her lips but then contuined to drink then pull away.

"They tend to do that..." Y/n responded, "they expect you to follow every rule every word, there no better than the sith."

"You know alot of jedi and sith."

Y/n looked at him once, "It was when you father died did I stop really believing in the Jedi-"

"You knew my father?! You're a jedi-"

"Shut your trap and listen before you get rowdy you damn idiot!' Y/n argued Boba gritting his teeth, "I met Jango Fett when I went on a small assignment, my first one, with Master Shakk Ti- it was basically playing paper boy. I remember delivering work to your father...alot of people were mean to me, he. He never was, always said thank you, always asked me if I had eaten. He even watched me leave on the ship back to Master Plo Koon. So when I went througy reports and found him dead I was in shock, later to find out a Jedi did it. I started to loose faith. Why kill a man lookin out for him and his child, sure capture him- but taking family...I know how that feels and no one should go through it."

Y/n took a drink finishing her bottle and tossing it over edge, "so. I fought. And I fought and I fought. If i couldnt save Jango, I'd save what was left of him- the clones- my brothers. They share the same face but are diffrent than any could imagine. I spoke, I wrote, I pleaded, I trainned. It never was enough, and it was my 'emotion' that got the better of me. Pssh. Yeah right the Jedi can piss off because if they want to see emotion? I'll give it to them."

Boba listened, he had nevee seen Y/n before hand, maybe he had and just didnt remember, he never knew someone could share his pain. Neverless with the same person.

"Windu will pay." Boba seethed, "and your a jedi! You can help me."

"I will go head to head to him, I don't plant bombs." Y/n defended.

"We can take him! Two on one!" Boba tried to persuade, "you know his fighting style! I know guns! You know sabers! We take his head and anyone else that stands in our way!"

Y/n looked at him dully.

"Come on! How many bounty hunters have you single handedly taken on! And killed! How many sith have you injured! Jedi that chase after us! Without your laser swords! We can kill him! Together!" Boba explained standing up, Y/n move to sit up, "We're the left behind! We are the strongest! Because we were left behind! We round up a few others! Bane! Sing! Bosk! And there's always someone paying for a Jedi's head!"

Y/n stood up grabbing hee sniper rifle as she did and looked at her watch.

"It can be a sniper shot! A saber battle! Whatever you want! As long as he die and Im involed I don't care how!" Bobba argued.

Y/n looked down below aiming her sniper adjusting the scope.

"My father would do the same for you-"

He was cut off by a bullet shot and soon the sounds of crying folks who see a man just drop dead on the street, the target they had been waiting for dead. She pulled away from her weapon slowly, turning her head towards him.

"I'll do it.-" Y/n agreed

"No." Boba spoke, "We'll do it. Together. For everything the jedi took from us!"

Y/n looked at the outreached hand as she took it.

"Together."

"As One Unit."

"As One Unit." Y/n responded, "well one and a half"

"Im not that short." Boba argued.

"Shorter than me." Y/n chuckled.

[sincerlypadfoot]

Love you with Your Hair Down (3)

Word Count -1284

Send Requests Here

“What does this do?” Remus Lupin asked picking up my remote from the table. “So many buttons,” He chuckled clicking one and turning the t.v on, catching the attention of Sirius.

“Oh my goodness,” Sirius shouted standing up, star wars started playing on the t.v causing both of the boys to stare at the t.v.

“We’re heading out soon,” James said walking into the living room, catching his eye on what was going on. “What's that?” he asked pointing at the lightsaber on the t.v.

“it’s a wand but better, i’m gonna go take a shower,” I said turning out of the living room and walking upstairs and into my room.

“Hey Bella,” Harry Potter said stopping me. “Can we talk?” He asked in a serious tone. “Can you tell me about you and voldemort?” He asked catching all my attention. 

“Another time kid, i’m really not up to it today, your dad and everyone are watching t.v downstairs, go check it out,” I suggested walking into my room and shutting my door, I leaned against the wall, placing my hand on my head and closing my eyes.

A knock on my door took me out of my thoughts, I wiped my eyes and opened my door, James was standing there with a smile.

“Not right now James please,” I mumbled walking away. “I really just can’t right now,” I said opening my drawers and taking some clothes out. “You should really go be with your family, your wife,” I huffed turning around and looking at James.

“How many time do i have to tell you, your my family too,” James said crossing his arms. “I just wanna tell you that Harrys going to hogwarts today, if you’d like to go back there your more than welcome too, I hear there's a teaching job available, i’ll leave you to your thoughts,” James said with a annoyed tone at the end, turning around and leaving,

I turned around not facing the door, my eyes started watering and something came over me, rage went through my whole body. “Dumb,” I huffed picking up my clothes and chucking them across the room.

“Bella?” I heard from my door, I turned around, Lily was standing at my door looking at me. “Are you okay?” She asked looking at me then the clothes that were scattered on the ground. 

“I’m fine Lily, please just shut my door and go, please,” I asked facing away from her. “I just need to be alone right now,” I croaked closing my eyes.

“We can talk, I understand what your going through,” Lily said walking closer to me. “Bella i’m here for you,” She whispred touching my shoulder.

“Get your hands off me Lily,” I whispred sighing trying to keep my cool. “Get out of my room before I do something I won’t regret,” I whispered opening my eyes.

“Whats going on in here?” Sirius siad, I turned around, tossing Lily's hands off of me. “Lily, get out, I can handle this,” He said walking into my room. “Lily!” SIrius hissed getting both of our attention.

“Fine, whatever I tried, I tried what James said but just this isn’t working,” Lily mumbled walking out of the room.

“I can’t do this Sirius,” I whispred falling onto my bed and tossing my hands over my face. “I can’t Sirius, I should have never asks you guys to move in, I should have never brought you all into my mess,” I mumbled.

“Bella, remember what we promises, we go through our problems together, your like my sister and i’ll help you,” Sirius said sitting down on my bed and grabbing my hand. “Go get ready, I have someone you’ll like to meet,” Sirius whispred kissing my forehead and letting go of my hand, I listened for my door to shut, my room was quiet when I sat up, looking around my clothes were folded beside me, causing me to smile.

~

“Have a wonderful sweet year at hogwarts Harry dear,” Lily said pulling Harry into a hug, Sirius sat beside me as Padfoot barking and catching my attention.

“I’m coming, just I wanna see him get on the train, know he’s safe okay,” I whispred leaning down and kissing the top of his head.

“He just turned fourteen this summer,” James said standing beside me. “We have someone for you too meet tonight, someoen you’d love and we hope you remember,” James chuckled, I stood up from Sirius and looked at James.

“Yeah Sirius already told him,” I said watching the clock click eleven and the train started turning it’s gears and started moving. “He’s gonna have a good year, if he’s another like you he’ll be a troublemaker,” I chuckled.

“Yeah he’s everything like me,” James chuckled, Sirius barked and caught our attention. “Yes Padfoot, we’re leaving,” James said shaking his head.

“Oh I can’t wait for this one!” Remus said tossing his hand over my shoulder. “You gonna love this person, I mean love,” He chuckled leaning his head on mine.

The walk to the floo system was a big loud, Remus and Lily gushing over the person we were going to meet, Sirius brushing against my leg the whole time and James who walked beside me, eyeing me every couple seconds.

“So are you gonna tell me who this mystery person is?” I asked grabbing the floo powder, Sirius walked in with a robe, I flicked my eyebrows at him, stepping into the fireplace and tossing the powder down.

“Do my eyes deceive me or is that my bestest friend in the whole world,”  Nymphadora Tonks chuckled, I opened my eyes and looked at the woman who stood infornt of me, a smile appearing on my face.

“Oh Merion!” I screamed running out and wrapping my arms around Tonk. “I missed you so much, and I am so sorry,” I whispered in her ears crying.

“It’s okay Bella,” Tonks whispred putting her hand on the back of my head. “You tell me everything okay, everything because I missed you so much,” She whispred kissing the top of my head, my headed flooded back with memories of the order and how we would fool around, pulling pranks on everyone and becoming closer then almost James and I.

“Surprise,” Sirius chuckled putting his hand on my back. “As soon as we saw you we thought that Tonk should know, and now she’s here,” Sirius said, I looked over at him just tossing my hands around him, my hands pressed against his bear skin.

“Hello darling,” Remus said walking passed Sirius and I, I watched as him and Tonk pressed their lips together taking him into surprise.

“Holy how many more surprises am I getting today,” I chuckled looking at the pair. “You two are cute, my two best friends,” I smiled getting a tap from Sirius.

“I thought I was your best friend huh, replacing me already,” Sirius chuckled placing his hand on his heart. “I see how it is, i’m going to toss some clothes on,” He joked walking up the stairs, he instead is room was placed beside mine.

“Well I think we should catch up, I have so many muggle things your love, i’m stealing your girlfriend Remus,” I chuckled grabbing Tonks hand and running up the stairs with her and up to my room.

“You have a lot to tell me, I could kill James, I hated it from the begging,” Tonks said as soon as my door shouted. “I just can’t believe he would do that,” She said tossing her hands in the air. 

I smiled and just listened to my best friend go on and on about how she should hex James into next week, listening to her look at all the things around my room and listening to her talk about our days at the order, before I had left.

[modern-oedipus]

Rant I think

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I have to keep remind myself that even though the person I love the most in the world is suffering and is not likely to stop suffering for the rest of his life, it is not entirely my fault and me blaming and punishing myself or thinking about just destroying myself won’t bring them further happiness and I must not take my own happiness away by my own hands... or should I?

I always feel guilty enjoying my life when my dad’s so stressed, but I can’t ever change him to open up no matter what I do; and he always works hard & says I should just enjoy myself and live my life & provides me with all good for that, but then whenever I see him being so upset— for years— and whenever I just... I don’t know. I literally went suicidal because of guilt of existing and being a burden back then, even though he explictly states that it’s his own choice to have kids, that he loves me, that he’s proud of me, that I mean the world to him, etc, and he proved his words thousands of times, but-

But he doesn’t seem to understand I care about him as much as he cares about me.

And I feel so guilty living my life and being happy when he is not.

But I can’t make him happy ornsolve his problems— those are real adult stuff that’s beyond my power.

But when I live my life and enjoy it I feel like I’m being ignorant and I feel so guilty.

When I punish myself for that— emotionally and literally, I end up depressed and not good. And that’s dangerous. Depression is so dangerous especially in such a young age that I am in, so god forbid that-

I don’t know what to do, honestly. I feel so guilty enjoying myself and I feel downright shitty if I don’t enjoy myself. Nothing solves the problem.

The regret and fear is always eating me alive.

Even though there is nothing I can do.

It hs been like this from as long as I can remember my life.

I just want him to be happy, well-rested, and at peace. He wants same for me.

We never get both in once. Bwcause he’s always the one who gives. Always so self sacrificing. I used to think my dad is absolutely perfect but I think that’s very damgerous to give too muxh of yourself even if it’s... family. I’m... grateful of course... how can I not... but then I feel like a parazyte or something....... and I wouldn’t exchange his well being for anything else......... and yet.... I.... uh... my head’s gonna burst. I am just typing because I pushed this thought away so many times in these last days and if I pushed it away again it’d lead a really bad breakdown. I need to avoid that so I need to speak. Not to anyone particularly. Maybe I should seek a therapist. But still. Only place I can apply due outside conditions would he that in myncollege and I don’t think there’s place there. But still. I can’t afford another depression in the years that should be the most fun so I’ll have to keep my mental heath in check no matter what. So I guess it’s better to just write it out— maybe not scientifically most suggested or verified theory but I can’t expect things to be perfect to start working on them.

So yeah.

Basically.

I am so full of love and life and joy nowadays.

But I also feel so undeserving for all or them.

Sometimes I feel smart and beautiful and productive and loved. Mostly.

Then I feel guilty for itntoo, even though I worked so hard for all of them— I worked so hard to understand all scientific shit, not only textbook wise but actual effort to adapt to scientific thinking. I worked hard in gym to get the body I want and I paid attention to my appearance and manners and culture, yet I still feel undeservjngn of beauty aometimes. I overcame social anxiety years ago and every friendship & communication I make successfully are big amazing achievements that may come naturally to extroverts but to me they took hard work. Sometimes, mostly, I’m like, “Wow Nila, well done! Amazing!” Then other times I’m like “Do you even?? Deserve your food?? Or your life??????? Do you even?? Deserve a warm bed when there are homeless people?? Do you even??? Deserve all these friends????? When you’re just?? You??? Do you even deserve enjoying your life when your parents are being quite exhausted and upset to provide for your spoiled rich kid life????” and...... like... this got me in serious depression before which onlynupsetted them further and they couldnt understand what was wrong woth me because they “gave me all”, emotionally and financially. They just couldnt ser that I felt like a parayste that’s sucking life out of them, as if Imm killing them by my own hands, andnidk.

Maybe I’m being too dramatic. Maybe that’s not the case. My parents strictly say they’re proud, that zi’m loved, that itms theirnown decision and not mine, etc., etc. I have no dark past, a clean family with no sad stuff or abuse or anything, and honestly, I don’y know.

I just want to see them happy and at peace too. Thst’s only way I can feel content. But I can’t change them. I can’t control a big majority of the spendings I have. I don’t know shat to fo. Thjs has been a problem for so many years. Itms not sth that appeared yesterday. Sometimes I can ignore. But then the feeling comes back like a ghost. That I’m undeserving. That I must be ashamed for enjoying myself.

I want to tell that it’s a lie, that it’s just a depressed thought and as a scientist I can’t trust a brain in clinical depression cause that’s chemical imbalance. That’s literally what keeps me sane, knowing that depression is a medical condition and any depression triggering thoughts are NOT REAL snd they’re just some medical imbalance of hormones and transmitters so I am just fine.

I’m not depressed, not really, I still feel excited and hupe and happy today. But this thought lingers. I couldn’tbhave afforded to push this thought away for the fifth time in last two days otherwise it’d break me. So I’f rather write it.

I keep telling myself that I am truly deserving to live and enjoy live.

I seriously had to rmeind myself two days ago like “just because you got a bad grade does not validate you starving yourself, you are deserving to eat rven when you are not doing well” tben I did buy myself my healthy food and ate it but...

Can I even... prove that I’m worth it??

Scientificaly??

I know for a fact rhat me trying is a good reason. Me working hard is a good reason. But not an enough reason. I need to be productive. I need to make myself happy. I need to make people I love happy. I neef to bring smiles to faces people I love— I need to get accepted to that project so I can perform researches when I’m off school so I can design drugs and save people so that my life and existence can be allowed and appreciated. I need to write fanfics and news and produce creative content to let my heart out and share joy with friends so we feel happy and alive and connected so it has a meaning. I need to save street animals so I actually have a meaning living my life.

Am I really deserving????

I am, I say myself, but then a voice whispers, but... are you sure?

I again say yes, I’m sure.

So far, I’m surs.

A little hesitant, but tjat must be some invalid creeping thoughtrather than a feality. Sveryone is deservijg of a happy joyful life so why not me??? I’d never say someone is undeserving of happiness unless that someone had an inexcusable crime like murder or something; and since that doesnt really happen in real life i’d sAy yes we all are deserving but...

I dkn’t know.

Maybe I should talk to someoen instead of mindlessly typing.

A therapist sounds nice but not too affordable. I’ll still try on Monday— wait no I hVe a midterm. Tuesday. I’ll try. If it’s not abailable maybe I can try some online therapy which is more convenient. I don’t know. Imm still feeling alive an happy and not detachef which is good but I don’t want this feeling to lead anywhere bigger, if it makes sensez

I just keep reminding myself that I am worth safety and love and joy as much as everyone else is

[doomednarrative]

That anon about the autism made me realize something. You’ve basically done the same thing for me but with ADD/ADHD. A good bit of that stuff I do or have done. I only have a self diagnoses because when I told my mother once, she brushed it off. I did go to therapy but I never brought it up because I’m forgetful. But thank you for helping me realize that just /MAYBE/ that’s why I do things and acted the way I did as a child.

See, that was My same problem. I came to my parents about Both the autism and adhd thing, and asked them for help or about talking to someoen about it, because my stepmoms the one who originally thought that maybe I was autistic first, and then a college counselor asked if I'd ever been tested for adhd, and so did one of my bosses at work. But when I asked them, they just told me I was attention seeking and that I was "too smart" to be either of those things, and that I was lazy and never tried hard enough. So I stopped talking to them about it, and instead I came here, and I read other peoples posts and first hand experiences, and I read research studies and diagnostic materials too. Neither the adhd or autism thing was something I came to a conculsion about overnight. Its something I put a Lot of thought and research into, and its something I had Very in depth discussions about with many of my austistic and adhd friends, and they validated my experiences with their own stories as well.

And ultimately like. That Is kinda my aim when I post stuff like that. Not only is it a way for me to document things and come back to later, but its something that maybe someone else might see, and then not feel so alone because of it. And I'm glad it did that for you too anon, I'm Really glad it did.

[gracedandelioninkmind]

Since it's pride month

For most of my time at school betweeb last september and febrary I had a crush on this girl. And you see Id been working through how feelings and sexuality work for me ever since the end of high school, because id been realizing that id never been actively interested in kissing or anything intimate with anyone. Id had plenty of what I call Sparks of Interests, where I just enjoyed looking at someone, talking to them, but more and in a different way than normally for friends. But all of those Interests were towards guys. I loved talling to my friends about guys and hypotheticals about them. I always envisioned myself in a man and woman couple and I loved that opposites pairing in every romance. But I wouldnt say that the ppssibility that I could be interested in girls hadnt crossed my mind. It didnt when I was little, and it didnt in middle school when I told girls that I didnt like boys, because they were stupid, and someoen asked if I was a lesbian. But in high school there was this awesome chick that transferred into our school. I woulsnt say I was overtly attracted to her, I certainly never had any fantasies about her, but I just thought she was so cool and I definitely wanted her to like me and to be friends eith her. Her twin brother was cool too. Oh oh and dont let me forget that one year I was apart of the schools journalism program and some of us were sitting around the classroom and I suddenly giggled at something I was reading, and this one nice tomboy girl was like omygod was that you that was the most adorable sound. I was so flustered, i will never forget that compliment.

But still i was straight. I fantasized about m/f relationships, not necessarily involving me because I cant often envision myself eith just anyone. I just think that romance is fascinating and enthralling and sometimes lots of things can be interesting.

And then I was reading a fanfic, and the girl was asexual, and Id been thinking about asexuality as an explanation for why I just didnt think i wanted to be sexual with anyone id ever met. But it didnt feel quite right because I know i mustve felt some attraction to some guys before, and definitely felt attraction to actors and such.

And then my friend gave me the term Gray Asexuality to research. Have you ever been putting together a puzzle and u put a piece in place, and it looks right and the picture doesnt seem to be wrong--but then you find another piece that looks so similar and you try it instead and it fits so much better, not loose or jammed. That was my feeling finding out that there was this complexity to sexuality and romance to explain why things just always feel so subtle for me. To explain why I can crave love but I really very often find that the very idea of kissing and sex is just awkward and weird to imagine for myself. It explained part of why my one week relationship fell through. Id had a crush on the guy since first meeting him at the start if the school year, and i had been so excited when he asked me out, and it was fun to hold hands and hug. But i hadnt wanted to kiss him, and it had bene so annoying when my friend told me i should kiss him, even just on the cheek. It just hadnt felt like there was a very big difference between my friendship with him and dating him.

So i got to thinking over all of my feelings towards all sorts of people. And if my sexuality and attraction was as rare and subdued as all that towards men, then I felt that maybe I hadnt wuite recognized any feelings id had towards girls.

And after discovering the asexual spectrum, i finally had some very interesting dreams, the likes of which id never had before turning 18 let me tell you. And they didnt only focus on men anymore.

And then i was in my second year at college, and i hadnt had many more dreams, and i hadnt found any real crushes my first year. But my second year i started working at the library, and one day this cute asian girl came through with a polite hello as she passed the front desk where i sat politely greeting everyone for my first week. I found myself memorizing her immediately. I would hope to catch her eye, catch a hello, a goodbye. I found myself glancing over to ehere she sat if she was in sight. And when she came to check out dvds i memorized her name immediately, all the more because id seen it on a study desk while doing rounds. See i hadnt knoem that if someone leaves something at their desk ee leave it alonenso id taken the open umbrella doem to the front desk and asked my coworkers and they said to put it back so i remembered the namr on the desk and returned it. So when i saw this cute girls name and recognized it from that desk, it almsot felt like fate. But that was silly. And i only thought she seemed nice and she was cute. That was all.

But then i was trying to capture her likeness on paper, ehich didnt go well those first few sketches because i hadnt gotten any good looks at her face. And after finding out her name I suddenly heard it cropping up elsewhere, and i was talking to my friends about her. My friends did not agree that i wasnt crushing. I insisted that i just wanted to get to know her was all. And then one day at lunch a new friend id made in class invited me to sit with her and her friends, and she mentioned an Eliza. Boy the anticipation, the excitement, the shy feelings, and the satisfaction when the very same girl sat with us.

Then that same friend invited me to a movie night at her dorm lounge with her friends, and when i asked who all would be there, anyone i know, she said maybe. I wondered to myself if She would be there. When i got into the dorm, lost and unfamiliar with the halls, waiting for my friend to come find me, I suddenly heard teo voices from upstairs. I knew one was my new friend, and with joy i recognized the other as Her. As it turned out She was the only other friend to join us. We 3 spent the night watching black panther and history of japan, getting to know each other, and I painted Her nails. It was different touching her hands then itd ever been with another girl. I found myself hoping for something. I hoped at least that she would like me as a person and wed be friends.

Every interaction after was a treasure for me. Moments we happened to be alone, when she offered to keep me company at lonely meals, when we had a big kdrama hangout and she did my hair, etc etc.

I had to acknowledge that it was crush of course. I told my closest friends about it.

And one day this crazy thing happened. I was sitting with Her and our friend and the two of us apart from Her were discussing dating apps and whatnot. And She asked why was i even concerned eith that stuff anyways. Id been thinking by then that she might be aspec because she never threw in her oen teo cents about interest in relationships whrn we discussed these things. I explained that i just wanted to try dating. I hadnt ever been on a real date.

While our friend was continuing with another topic, i heard Her say that She could take me on a date. My mind caught on it, but the topic had changed, and I felt that it couldnt have been serious. And so i gushed and whined about it to my friends. But the next day I brought it up as a joke with our group of friends, and she acknowledged that shed said it. Our friends supported it, because why not. Theres such a thing as a friendly joke date. I kind of messed it up i think though because when it was jsut us parting ways after brunch, she said she was going downtown, and i said That couldve been our date. And she agreed and invited me along. I wish id been dressed cuter. But it was fine, and it was a nice enough date, though i dont think she had any experience or interedt in how dates usually worked--it wasnt a serious date anyways, so i wouldnt get my hopes up. I wouldnt be invested. But wr passed a friend of hers, another cute girl maybe smaller than me, and She told her that we were on a date. That felt significant.

The next day i brought up that wed gone on the date to my group of friends, with Her sitting next to me. And she became so awkward, and after my friends congratulated us, she told me It wasnt a real date. On the outside i played it off casually saying Listen do you know how excited friends get about dates let me have this. On the inside i was so disappointed and heartbroken and a bit defensively angry with her. I announced to the table that she wasnt to make sure everyone knew it wasnt a real date. What i was really saying was hey friends she just crushed my heart.

But we were still friends. And after a while i got okay again. She hadnt even noticed anything had gone wrong.

At some point I told that first mutual friend about my crush on Her. Id been withholding eho my crush was on from her for a while and she hadnt even guessed Her. But when I told her she said everything made sense.

And then she set us up for a valentines day date. I couldnt believe it. She jsut randomly messaged me Would u want Her to be ur valentines date. And i was like Id appreciate any date tbh but yeah id like to go on a date with Her. And apparently She just agreed. I couldnt tell you why she did any of the things she did. But i can tell you that thru some conversations it became clear that my hypothesis was likely accurate. She didnt understand dates, she didnt see the difference beteren friend date and real date. This was just this nice outing with a friend. Part of me was okay with that, because i did simply enjoy Her. But another part of me felt unfulfilled and sad. But we had a nice date anyways. I learned even mroe about her and she made me this oittle clay blueberry because i would sometimes just pick out a blueberry at the dining hall and admire its beauty. It was a very nice date and i got to dress up cute for someone. I didnt let myself hope for much.

And then i was talking to more of our mutual friends about crushing on Her, and someone told me that shed asked Her out before and that her response had been something along the lines of not being interested like that. We all agreed that She likely just doesnt have any interest in romance or whatnot.

And so i began burying it away. My mourning period passed. She graduated, and its all over. My first ever crush on a non-man. It had been nice.

Btw her ringtone in my phone was Mindy Gledhill's I Do Adore.

[supershadsy]

so…undertale, huh?

guess what cats and kittens, i am experiencing undertale for the first time on the switch, and i ended up liveblogging a chunk of it (namely to @shipping​ ) and i thought. i could share it

Hey so Toriel is my mom????

She said to stay put in the room and I don’t wanna make her upset so I guess I’m stuck there

UGHGMGEGG

I HAD TO LEAVE MOM BEHIND

I'M SO SAD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TORIEL

i'm not fighting a single soul

i'm being nice to EVERYONE

i'm flirting with the slimes, i'm eating my greens

i'm not picking on the monsters…………………

she told me not to come back and i'm devestated

"i'm not killing ANYONE you stpuid fucking flower"

what's with this FLOewr

edgy motherfucker

HYE I ITHINK I FOUDN SANS UNDERTALE

UGUGHGSHDGHN

HE TALKS SO SLOW

"HEY MOM TOLD ME THAT SNAILS TALK REALLY SLOW, AREYOU A SNAIL!???"

ITST 'S' HIM

papyrus is a go getter kinda dude isn't he

what are these things my ugy

you can be a royal guard in your heart

and i bet those mean ol guards don't even have cool capes

A SHOWER OF KISSES EVEYRO MORINGN

I CAN' TBEL IVE

PUN

HAPPENNED

"you're smiling" "I am and i HATE IT"

I FOUGHT A SNOW DRAKE AND AHD SUCHA  GOOD TIME

THIS GAME IS SO CHARMING

i can fucking PET a DOg

SOMEOEN'S BEEN SMOKING DOG TREATS

iF OUND A WORD SEARCH

THTA'S FOR BABY BONES

IT'S SO GOOD

how many times do i gotta escape the dog house before i can move on

who knew the best way to make friends was to make awful puzzles and fight them

HE'S A BIG FUZZY PUSHOVER

WELCOME TO SCENIC MY HOUSEHLKDSHJLSDFJLKSD

TEH FUKCINGTROMBONE

i wish i had a sibling that plagued me with incidental muisc

or maybe

it's me

:O

papyrus has a racecar bed

jus tlike sonic

I CRUISE WHILE I SONNOZE

"i think humans must have descended from skeletons!" budd y you areso close

i'm sorry i'm CONTINUING TO LIVEBLOG UNDERTALE

DATING START

dating urlebookhgjsndgssdg

I'MI TOO CAN WEAR CLOTHINGHAFIKGHSDOKLSDGHKDGLS

COOL DUDE

THIS IS FUCJIGHASDGH

THIS IS GREART

i dated an earnest skeleton

a dark prision of passion with no escape

DON'T CRY

BECASUE I WONT' KISS YOU

gashodkasgdhaslkdgadshio

I DON'T EVEN HAVE LIPS!!!

I LVOE THIS MAN

OH SICK

i havne't tried to call mom yet

she doesn't pick up...sad..anyway it's time to move on

i'm having breakfast with sans undertale

also i named my character Egg

i got a tutu so i'm prettty now

ALSO I ALMOST GOT JAVALIN'D

I UH

I'VE JUST MET AN ANIME SEA MONSTER

OHHONIONSAN

UNDINE JUST THREW ME OFF THE BRIDGE

I ALSO LOVE THE SCRAPPY KID FOLLOWING ME AROUND

UNDYNE'S NUMBA 1 FAN

the dummy came ot liefe

OH GODI AM TOO INTIMIDATED

YOU ARE ONY A DUMMY

MAD DUMMY IS DOING AN ARMLESS SKA DANCE

undyne's fight is. hard

this is about where i stopped but here are some Other Thoughts:

the ghosty dude? napstablook? good

i took as much time hanging around toriel’s hosue as i could

the monsters are so great

the fighting stuff is also excellent

i love petting dogs

the lore is so fascinating???

dunno how i feel about the king wanting to become a god. i’ve seen enough anime to know how THATS gonna go

speaking of which, undyne seems like the kinda fish who watches a lot of anime

i love the bullet hell sections even though i’m not very good all the time

tune in next time for more stuff i guess

[lia-nikiforov]

Revised edition

Quick report on Kubo and Yamamoto’s attendance to Concomics Guadalajara. I was in line for 9 hours plus two more for their short Q&A and am objectively dying, sorry for typos 

ETA: When I wrote this it didn’t occur to me that it would get hundreds of reblogs before I ever got to fix it, now my half-deceased incompetent typing will live on forever *sobs*

I arrived at 6:30 am and there were already people in line jeeesus (lots were coming to see a youtuber though)

Gonna spare you the deets on the awful people in my surroundings thank @yuurinikiforov cos I screamed at her for hours

ETA: I just realized this sounds like it was Ally making me scream but in fact i tumblr-screamed at her to prevent from unleashing my frustrations on the gross fujos that surrounded me. Thank Ally because she got to read all that nervous-wreck garbage and y’all get to be spared

I had a two-day ticket so I was allowed in half an hour earlier and if not for that, I probably would’ve missed on the autograph line. They had space for 50 people (plus 200ish that had bought the express pass which was super expensive). I was #45. It took less than three minutes since getting inside for all 50 spots to be taken

(this was the line after three minutes. I was too lazy to take pics of it later, but it got to be around 5 times this at some point.)

ETA: According to Con staff, since the lines were very well organized, they actually got to sign quite a bit more people than the originally allotted 50. The Queens are so kind. 

No photos, video or sound recording of The Queens allowed, except for this one taken by Con staff. They were giving away those postcards for the filthy casuals people who didn’t bring any official merch for the sign

i’m mostly kidding about the filthy casual thing bc I hate fandom elitism but there were a lot of people bringing FANART PRINTS and I wanted to gut them

Kubo would quick sketch a character of your choice. I chose Victor bc I love how she draws his huge heart mouth

I was able to tell Sayokan how grateful I am from the bottom of my heart and that I’m looking forward to the movie and she said thank you and that they’re workinng hard. I died. ETA: I wanted to say so much more but I was so nervous my Japanese came out really garbled and we didn’t have much time. And I didn’t get to say anything to Kubo because I didn’t want to distract her from drawing ;---;

Sayokan has a beautiful smile and I love her

ETA: She also had an aura like Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada, twenty years younger: A STRONG woman who takes no prisoners and is fabulous af. I love her with all my soul.

After the autographs, The Queens had a short stage appearance

There was a cosplay contest and the winners would get to sit in the front row for The Queens’ presentation. I didn’t take any pics but the standout for me apart from a flood of gorgeous girls doing Eros Yuuri, was a pair of girls doing Lilia and Yakov. The announcer clearly didn’t watch the show and botched Lilia’s last name, but the cosplayer had the attitude 100% on point.

Something I hate is people who say Yurio stressing the u, it sounds so wrong and a lot of people today were doing it and driving me mad

The stage was packed af

Kubo drew quick sketch of Victor while she and Sayo answered a couple of questions. They will post the video later today

ETA: Here’s the video

Audience Questions logistics wasn’t very well prepared and even Kubo asked how it was gonna work. I was embarrassed for the lack of planning. In the end those that were lucky to be close to the stage got to ask the questions. Lia was praying for no stupid questions pls.

Q&A (translation partially mine partially from the interpreter)

1. What were your expectations about Mexico and have those expectations changed now

Kubo: I haven’t gone sightseeing yet but it’s my first time in Mexico and I didn’t expect so many people. [The people/audience] feels four or five times warmer than japan (make of that what you may, Japanese people say that about us a lot) Sayokan didn’t answer

2. Dumb question that has already been answerred in interviews about whether Yurio was planned to win from the start. As we know, yes, pretty sure both of them have said it before. Sayokan added that his character development wasn’t completely planned though, and he evolved a lot during writing.

3. Which word do you think of when you thibk of Yuuri and Victor 

Sayokan: Love (愛) 

Kubo: She didn’t talk to the mic and people were still screaming about 愛  so Ididn’t hear what she said but the interpreter said she said Friendship. My queens get your story sraight pls

HUGELY IMPORTANT ETA: Other people that were there have confirmed that Kubo gave a long answer that included 断ち切れない絆 “an unbreakable bond” and didn’t say anything about friendship. There was a telephone game going on because there was a JP-ENG interpreter and then an ENG-SPA interpreter and I don’t know how or why the latter got “friendship” but please take this into account, I don’t want people to hate on Kubo because I wasn’t close enough to hear her answer and the Spanish interpreter botched it.

Not important ETA: A girl close to me was yelling “Victuri” like she hoped they’d answer that and I was facepalming hard

Kubo also asked (in Japanese) if anyone understood Japanese, it wasn’t translated and a good dozen of hands shot up. She was surprised. Some folks screamed abd she said 落ち着け. One or two continued screaming so obviously they didn’t understand Japanese lol

4. Stupid question about whether they plan to develop Otabek and Yurio’s relationship. 

Sayokan said they hadn’t fully decided on how everything’s gonna end in the movie so can’t say yet but look forward to the bonus on V6 (the interpreter said V3 and I wanted to gut him). Hoes I like Otayuri but stop trying to shove it on The queens’ faces pls

5. Do you have plans for a special chapter about the Lady skaters? 

Sayokan said it’s definitely something they’d love to do but right now their focus is on the boys abnd finishing their story. Best answer for me tbh besides Sayokan’s 愛 cos I wanna see Mila skate soooo bad.

ETA: Forgot to mention this but a lot of people were chanting “Boda! Boda!” (wedding). Kubo asked what it was that people were chanting and the interpreter told them. Someoene else is reporting that Sayokan chuckled. There were two tall dudes in front of me so my vision was very obstructed and can’t confirm, but neither said anything out loud in response to it

Sayokan threw some gifts at the audience but My Queen is no pitcher and I was too far back so didn’t get anything *sobs*. Some were prints or maybe postcards but no idea of what exactly.

And that’s it! Theyll be signing more autographs and have another stage appearancw tomorrow but I can’t stay so someone else will have to report it whilst I die.

TL;DR I love them and my calebdar looks even more beautiful and I never thought that was possible and I’ll cry about this day for the rest of my life.

PS I’ll fix those typos when I’m not utterly destroyed PPs: I have no shame so I wanna plug my cute Victuri Tangled AU it’s really cute and it doesnt have typos promise, please read it  http://archiveofourown.org/works/10529547/chapters/23245557

[forrest2thegumpp]

11:22 and still ticking

My mind is constantly ticking and I’m typing this very fast becuase it’s a constant flow of my thoughts like on some of my other tumblrs, I won’t be erasing anything or corrections and this is the ourents version of my thoughts, enjoy. When I look back at my past I have made mistakes. That is a given. But it’s the way I react to those that forms me. I did well at first I used peace and such but with one of my bigger andmore rrexent mistakes I use fire and brimstone but fuck it feels so much better to hold resentment for them both of them were so close and now I can push them to the furthest point from love I have. This wans originally reserved for only my birth father. I never thought the list would expand. I wish I could give them the most painful fate possibke but my self restraint holds me back thank god (who yes despite my actions and such I beleive in) if I did not hold back I would currently be in prison or dead. That is a fact. As much shit as I talk, unless I say I’m going to do it I’m not going to do it. I look around my room now pondering my life choices and I see my books oh such wonderful books that have brought me a requiem in my anger and sadness. They bring me away from it all to somthing that never was not shall be. The same goes for art or poetry or music for that matter. But my mind does not stop racing with those. My brain is like an electric wire constantly zapping and changing in minute amounts. I wonder what my life would be like if the 4 biggest influential bitches hadn’t come into my life. The first two changed me forever the first in a terrible way and the second in amazing ways I never fathomed would still be there. The third taught me hatred and the fourth teaches me compassion and social skills. I have always lacked those. I always will either speak my mind 100% or never tell the full extended me, I never know which one it will be and it burns me up inside. I know I’m not perfect but I’m getting better I’m a work in progress I might just work forever I don’t know. Spose. Good ass shit. I love that man with all my heart. I look like a fool walking down the side of the road rapping and jumping around and gestating but it’s so fucking fun and I’m in my happiest moment there. I need summer to hurry up and come becuase I want to be out of school. That shit sucks. Man I feel so weird doing one of these journal entries off of my journal Tumblr but idk I want to have at least one for people who want to know what my other tumblrs are like to read but here it won’t get seen by many hahaha. At least this one isn’t anonymously made. Anyways to continue were selling my mercadies soon and buying a new car (maybe a Camry 2013 I’m so excited) and yeah. I’m probably going to give myself a tattoo soon. The deathwish logo, duh what else would I do. I got a new skate deck it’s the love of my life. Jk loml is someoen else. Ya know I was thinking about first loves today. They change you. A lot . It’s like they have such a sway over your heart. Also I looked at my successful relationships and Jesus these people are out of my league. Idk man I just don’t know how I do it. My graffiti group is expanding and that’s always exciting… I’m gonna be honest right here about a few things for those of you who are miraculously still reading. I’m fucked in the head like seriously majorly fucked. I don’t remember alot of what I’ve don’t so I just go with what people tell me. I do stuff without thinking. I intentionally fuck myself over a lot. I don’t know why I do it I think ist probably something resulting from c. That bitch. She’s going on a mission trip somewhere this summer. I can’t beleive her helping people like fuck she is Satan. Well no, at least Satan is compassionate about hatred and those who are outkasts right hahah. No anyways I’m a nervous wreck and I’m selling drugs for cash and shit bro im not in a good place. Who knows what would happen if shaun were still here. Miss you. Anyways it’s getting late and I’m getting up early to cook eggs so gn I prob won’t post any more of these on my public Tumblr -11:47 clock stops

[innerheadstories]

The hidden blades

    The inner halls lf the adventure guild was rather lively this morning seems a large amount of new adventures seeking glory and fame had joined recently fresh new porcline and copper tags wondered around the guilds main floor talking and laughing. On the upper floor where only the older and high ranked members were allowed sat Sinclar and Obron. Sinclar was clad in his typical black robes  and even in the well lit guild the hood kept his face hidden in shadows. AS for Obron his black plate armour seemed to obsorb any light that was around him keeping him coated in a dark and eveil arour of course that was to be expected of a dark paldin such as himself.  Sinclair raspy voice ame from his robes. "Such weak and frail lot wouldnt even be worth reanimating if they fell" He coughed from inside his robes. Obron siply turned his head to look at them from his helm before  grumbling somthign about being pathric under his breath and retning his attion to the drink before him.  Sinclar shook his head as he got up to go and find himself and his parner a new quest. While a mage a paldin may seem like a weak pair it handt stoped them from getting to the broze ranking of course they  had been in such a rank for a while The guild still didnt entrly tust them A black mage and a dark paldin did make a scary and odd pairing and hard to trust..

        Down on the main floor. A younge Aladrin looked as his porclin plate tag that reflected in his sharp intellgent golden eyes with a sigh. He pushed his long silver hair back over his long pointed ears his golden skin making him practically glow in light espically when his clothing were dark blacks and browns. But even in the dark colors it was easy to see his clothing was expertly made and of high quality . Man this sucks I was hoping I could at least start off a copper. The  priest's clapped him on the back . "Come now dear brother you cant charm your way into a higher rank. You must start on the bottem like everyone eles."  The female Aladrin shook her head Her butifull silver hair hung down her back in intrcate barids and her skin was the same beatufil gold as her twin. Her own golden eyes shown with amusment and love her white and blue robes marking her as a healer. The magical staff she carried was a lovely dark brown elderwood with a small bell on top that chimed softly as it tapped the grond.   as The male chuckled ."Why not been able to charm myself plenty of other places." She rolled her eyes "I really dont need to know where that tounge of yours has gotten you dear brother." She shoved at his shoulder lightly.       "Think fast shorty. "Came a loud shout just before a Large warhammer was swung at him. He only had just enogh time to grab his sister and jump back as he turned around His hand on his raipier before he relised it was a large golith in hard leather with runes caareved into it. "Hahahaha I knew it was you Valkier." The elf smiled Taking his hand off his Raipier. "Jugo is that you" The Large golith male  laughed as he place his hammer on his shoulder "The one and only" He chcuckled Over seven foot tall and broad as a tower shield The golith wore leather that was covered in intricate rune symblos  that also match the ones that were tattoed on his bald head. Valkier laughed "Good to see you I havent seen you since the last treity sighing." He nodded "I see you decide to finally come to the adventure guild like I told ya." He laughed.    Valkir nodded "Well me and my sister decide to leave the kingdom on our own and explore the world I assumed this was the best way to do it" He sighed "OF course these ceramic plates dont give us many options for quest" He sighed BEfore motioning to his sister "This is Seresa my little sister" The small prestes smiled and bowed her head. "ITs a pleasre to meet you. And im his twin not his little sister" She said shoving at him. The Giant smiled and bowed his head back placing his hands together ."Blessing of   Kavaki be with you" He smiled as she smiled plsently. "So you both just joined up." The male nodded "Yes we are new members still cerimic class was hopping for copper at least but what can ya do. how about you." The giant held up his own copper plate. "Still low ranking untill recently I was a lone adventure and was having trouble getting quiest that I could fufill."  He smiled "Thats why I teamed up with my compainons. A large snake man sleithered up next to his right while a small shy girl in gold and blue robes came up to stand on his left her skin was pale and her silver hair and eyes made her look almost blind. "This is Shalti she is a changling. She bowed her head and in a quiet voice. "Its a pleasure."     "And to my right is kalji a Yaun-Ti" He is from the nomad tribe in the desert plains. The snakes scales were a red rust color and  his deep red seemed to see stright threw to the core of a person his ownly clothing was a loincloth around his waist as well as leather padding on his shoulders and the staps that held his swords and quiver of arrows on his back. "ppppppleasssure" He said as he bowed his head.       The snake looked up at the Golith I have some busssniess in town to attend to, I will catch up with you later" He told him before leaving threw the front door. The changling nodded "I need to go turn in our last quest and find a new one so why dont you catch up with your frineds she said with a little bow before pulling her hood up and heading off in the grouded main hall.     Jugo smiled  "Care to join me for a drink." He smiled The two siblings nodded as Jungo and them all headed out into the crowded town to go to a tavren that the golith must have known well since no one seemed to pay his precenes any mind."    The golith and the elfs talked and drank and ate. The golith explaied the hierarchy of the guild and the levels as well as the way quest worked and collection of payment for adventures and how the guild would rank the quest according to diffuclty and only certain levels could take certain task. It seemed that thye could take any quest of there current rank and bellow but they coudnt take any quest of a higher level unless at least one of their members were of the proper rank.        Valkir smiled "So how did you join up with your comanions seems a bit of a odd Trio." He said taking a drink. "A golith A Yaun-ti and a Changling." Seresa nodded taking a small "Yes I do admit it is a little odd." She said. Jungo laughed "YA Like a pair of twins being a priest and a rouge are normal" Valkir laughed "Cours it dose I got all the evil and she got all the good" He laughed "We are the perfect balance to one another." Seresa rolled her eyes. "At least that what he tells everyone" She smiled "but never the less still I thought you were more the solo type." She asked cocking her head to the side her bright golden eyes curios about the golith and his compainons. Jungo sighed "Well as I said its hard to take a lot of missions as a solo act." He told them. "I mean dont get me wrong streght is great and my god gives me protection and prowess to fight on equal terms with most monsters........at least one on one or even 3 and 4 on one for some of the smaller ones.....But clearing out a colbalt hive is a bit hardered\ by myself. "The other two actully happened upon me that way they had taken the same quest as me before it had come up that I had taken it. Only they took longer to prepair than me so I was able to get there first" Valkir nodded ."So wht they came upon you after you had already cleared the place.     Jugo shook his head. "No they found me after I had taken out a large group of them but had also been hurt pretty badley" He lifted his leather armour to show the deep jaggad scar in his side. They gave me a healing potion and helped get me back on my feet and together we finished the quest....after that we decided to stick together as a party for a while we found that we were able to cover each others weakness pretty well." HE said. "See Kalji is a Ranger and is a amazing shot with a bow. So he has a lot better range than any of my spells could ever reach and the pair of curved swords he carries....well he could probibly stand on pair with you and your raiper" He said motioning to Valkir. As for Shalti she is a illusion mage and combine that with her own natrul abilty as a changling she is able to sneak in and out of basiclaly anywhere not to mention she can scare the hell out of damn near anything." He told them downing what was left of his piant before signalling the barkeep for another one.     The sibling nodded ."I can see how it would be handy because add them with your strenght and own magic it makes for a pretty strong party." Saresa said as her brother nodded ."Although if Kalji is as good with those swords as you say I may have to have a duel with him and see how good he really is." He grinned. His siter giggled "Really worried someoen might be better than you" He looked offnded "Better than mua you know how long I been using this blade of mine" He said patting the sheeth of his rapior been with me for damn near a centrey now." She rolled her eyes "Dosnt mean your as good as you play your self up to be" She teased while jugo laughed "ight ght ya two." He smiled looking at them. But as good of a team as we are we could actully use you two with us" He tol them as the bother raised a eyebrow "Really" he nodded          Jugo smiled "So you two want to join up with us" He smiled "We could use a priest and a thieif......I mean rogue" The elf laughed while His sister grabbed his ear "What have I told you about that brother" he laughed as "He said Rouge you know I dont do that anymore." She glared at him "They why are you holding that nobles coin purse " he chuckled "Much I dont do that much anymore" She sighed letting go and shaking her head. "Your such a pain."  Before looking back to him. "But you all seem so strong already what could we offer." She asked. Jugo smiled "WEll dear my magic is more war magic than healing so at best I can heal small wounds im much better at making my team stronger and able to take more punishment but with you and your abilitys you could help make sure none of us are taken to the afterlife before our time." She smiled blushing a bit. "Well I dont know about all that Im still learning and havent had much experince in actully using my healing abilitys other than small injurys and such." Valkir shook his head. "Shes being modest she is actully more powerfull than she lets on" He looked at him. "But if you ranger is so good wit his swords and you changling can get in and out I dont see why you really need me" Jugo shook his head. " Me and Kalji could use help on the front lines just the two of us trying to protect the two girls is a lot of work and while Kalji is good with his swords I dont think I know how fast you are with your little poker there you can intercept anything that would try to rush past us, He smiled "Besides when Shalit dose infiltration espically into high class areas lets face it your able to pass as noble and high brow much easier than me or him. Both of you are." He showed him a quild quest "We thought about doing this but sending her in alone didnt seem right with you two she would be safe incase somthing happend."       The contract was infiltration and information gathering. There was a party being held by a high dwarf lord but there was suscprion of curruption and political munipulation at play. "If she were to go in alone and get found out it could be bad for her. But with you two with her if somthing happened we would know shes in good hands." The two sibling thought about it "Well I mean I dont see a downside pluse like you said its easier to get things done with a party." Valkir said to him as the golith nodded "Aye" Seresa looked a little aprensive though "I mean it would defntly be a advantage but...I dont wanna hold you all back." The golith shook his head. "Ya wouldnt hold us back lass I know you have more power than ya think and with us we will keep you safe so you can improve." He told her with a smile      The small eldrin girl blushed but nodded ."A..alright then." She smiled "Ill do it Ill join up" As the golith smiled "Good We will be all the better for having you." His compainons entered the bar. The changling was only able to be idetified by her bule and gold robes as since she had changed her apperince to that of a human to walk the streets. The Yaun ti slithered along next to her. "Jugo we have our next job seemes there is a group of mercchants wanting a escort threw badit territory." Jugo nodded "Sounds good" HE smiled as he motioned to the eladrins. "I got us a couple of new recruites though so make them feel welcomed." THe snake nodded "Welcom abord then" The changling nodded seaking softly "Pleasure to have you"     Valkir looked at them. "Just like that no questions or anything." The snake shrugged his shoulders. "Your good with Jugo your good with me he seems to know you good enogh' He said "I assume he hass resaons for wanting to bring you along." He grinned "Just make sure you dont slow us down." Valkir grinned "Speak for yourself you think your able to slither faster than me." The yaun ti grinned "I like him.' He said to Jugo. He laughed shaking his head. "I figured you would. Anyway Valkir Saresa welcome to the hidden blades."

[sincerlypadfoot]

Comfort And Death (6) (Part 2)

~After the death of Regulus Black, you take confinement in Sirius who cared for you like a sister after Reguas died, becoming each other's person, you stay at the black house, after having a hard time griefing one night, you go to the place Regulas died.

Word Count-2246

Send Requests Here

Warning - Underage drinking! Swearing!

                                      December 24th 1994

“Dinner looked wonderful Molly,” I smiled walking into the kitchen behind Fred and George who looked more sober than hunger. Sirius stood beside me sucking on his breath mint.

“Thank you dear, sit down,” Molly pulled out the closest chairs near us for Sirius and I. “Dinner she'll be served,” With a wave of her fingers plates of chilli appeared in the air, floating down and landing infront of everyone.

“I would like to make a toast,” Harry said standing up and lifting his glass of water out. “To the triwizard tournaments, and the numbness that comes with it!” little cheers came from his friends making me let out a low laugh. “To the people who raised me,” 

Everyone looked over at Sirius, Remus and I who let out a smile, looking around the room, I grabbed my wine glass in confinement. 

“Cheers,” I broke lifting my glass of wine up, the room filled with the sound of glass hitting another and people enjoying themselves. “I hope everyone has a wonderful time tonight,”

We all sat back down, digging into the food Molly made, I ran my fingers under the table as I finished, spinning my ring around my finger, almost feeling guilty.

“I might toss the white flag in, i’m getting a bit tired,” I admitted to Sirius and Remus, not letting Harry overhear.

“Nonsense Stella, I have almost never seen you let loose and you’re in a great deal of it please, one night and that's it,” Sirius said grabbing my hand, his slipped the ring off, I went to react but remembering we were in a room full of people. “For one night, don’t let his death burden you, smile,”

I let out a fake smile taking a sip of my win and finishing up the food that laid infront of me. Everyone finished eating at the same time.

“Well you take care of our children for the night, I trust Stella and Remus, you two will take care of the kids for the night,” Molly seemed the be released. “Arthur and I haven’t had a night of the house empty in almost twenty-five years,”

“We will take very good care of them Molly, you and Arthur have fun tonight, we will see you tomorrow for christmas,” Remus said standing up, he walked Molly and Arthur out, not a second later Sirius pulled out bottles of Firewhisky from under the table and smirked.

“Anyone ready to party?” He asked, cheering came from all around the room. Everyone moved into the living room, Remus shortly joining us and sitting beside me.

“And Sirius wondering why Molly doesn’t like him,” Remus whispered in my ear as we watched Sirius mix fire whisky into Langston Cream Soda, it was Sirius’ favorite mixture.

“Yeah well, i’d rather know that Harry is a responsible drinking, not going out and drinking without us knowing,” I whispered back at Remus.

“And for the lady and gentleman,” Sirius smiled holding out to cups infront of him. “Have fun, let loose, relax,”

Remus grabbed his drink first, I copied, Sirius walked away.

“Look at you,” Fred Weasley said moving beside me. “Cheers,” He smirked, I rolled my eyes lifting up my drink, both our glasses hit each other and we took a drink. “You know I like your eyes,”

“Fred Weasley,” Remus said looking at him, I let out a laugh leaning against the couch. “Don’t be flirting with someone half your age,”

“Yeah Freddie, you know she likes me anyways,” George said moving and sitting beside Remus, I rolled my eyes and stood up. 

“I’m going to the bathroom, don’t have to much fun without me,” I said to Remus walking out of the room, Sirius caught my eyes but I continued to walk out, almost running up the stairs and locking the door once I got into the bathroom.

My drink landed on the counter as both my hands leaned into the sink, I looked down then up at myself in the mirror, my makeup was smudged from crying and my face a reck.

“Unbelievable,” I whispered to myself, picking up my brush and brushing out my hair, my hair had turned almost back with rage, I pushed it back, ignoring the thing I dreaded in myself, forgetting it years ago. I put my hair up only halfway, leaving some of my black hair to hang at the back on my shoulders. I fixed up my makeup and refreshed myself.

“Are you okay in there?” Remus asked knocking on the door, I picked up my drink, finishing it off and unlocking the door.

“Better than I could ever be, I just needed to fix my makeup,” I let a fake smile out looking down at my cup. “I need a refill come on,” I started walking out the door but Remus grabbed me, pulling me back from the stairs.

“Do not listen to Sirius tonight, you be yourself, don’t change because Sirius thinks you need to let loose okay,” Remus said almost making me upset. “You are okay Stella, and we’re all here for you,”

I let out a low laugh and shook my head. “I know that Remus, I just do think Sirius is right, it’s been almost nineteen years, I need to forget about it,” I moved myself away from Remus and walked down the stairs.

“Stella your back,” Sirius cheerfully said wrapping his arms around me.

“The nights only started and your already as drunk as a cow,” I said as he held me tight.

“Yep, come on, your turn,” Sirius let go of me, grabbing my hand and placing me on the couch, he took the cup out of my hand and filled it back up, handing it back, I felt dropped of my drink land on my clothes but at that moment I didn’t care.

“Auntie Stella,” Harry smiled, walking across the room and sitting down beside me. “Thanks for letting us party, I really do appreciate it,” 

“Cheers Harry, i’m glad you asked for a party, I needed it,” I raised my drink up in the air, we both hit our glasses together and drinking up.

Remus walked in, he gave me a quick glance but looked away once music started to by.

“Remus love, dance with me,” Sirius shouted taking Remus hand. I watched the two, I watched as Ron and Hermione stared dancing, then Neville and Ginny.

“Care to dance?” Fred Weasley asked standing infront of me. Harry let out a laugh and stood up, walking away from us.

“This means nothing Fred Weasley,” I took his hand, placing my drink on the table and walking to the middle of the room.

“You know, I know you're like really older than me, but I digger the older woman,” Fred shouted making me smile.

“I don’t date Fred, bad history,” I shouted over the music, knowing it could be as loud as we liked since the muggles didn’t even know we were here.

“Well lucky for you, I like a reset,”

“You really don’t give up, do you?” I asked letting my hair loose, my black hair was now a bit longer then the bathroom. Magic really was getting the best of me at the moment.

“Not with pretty woman like you, at least give me a chance,” Fred asked, my attention left him as the music stopped, Remus and Sirius were laughing, Harry was dancing with Ginny now and Neville, Dean, and Cedric were chatting on the couch.

“I think your a little to young for me, sixteen year old and a thirty-two year old,” I whispered patting his shoulder and sitting back down on the couch, I finished my second drink and leaned back, closing my eyes.

“Don’t be a mood killer Stella, come on, dance,” Sirius said standing infront of me. “Please,” He peaked his bottom lip out.

“Fine,” I grabbed Sirius hand, shaking my hand and standing up. “You know, I think Regulas would love Harry, he would love all of this,”

“Don’t talk about my brother right now, forgetting about him for one night, please,” Sirius asked making me annoyed.

“He was your brother how could you say that,” Tension rose along the room.

“It’s been nineteen years Stella, he would hate seeing you like this,” Sirius shot back shaking his head.

“Yeah like you would know, you hated him for most of the years,” I spit turning around, I grabbed a bottle of fire whisky and stormed out of the room, running up the stairs, to the end up the hall, last door on the left and shutting myself in, falling once again to the ground.

“For fuck sakes!” I screamed leaning my head back and crying. I stood up and walked over to the wall, bashing my fists against the bricks, unsure how many times I did it, until my knuckles were bloody and bruising.

“Are you okay?” I heard behind me, I turned around in a rush, looking at Fred who stood at the doorway. “I’m not sure what happened down there but I just thought I should come check on you,”

“I’m fine Fred,” I mumbled whipping my tears away. “Sirius and I get a little too carried away with our words, it’s normal, its okay,”

“What did the wall ever do to you?” Fred asked making me let out a low laugh in between sobs. “Come on, George does this all the time, I can fix your knuckles up,”

I followed Fred out of the room, he opened the bathroom door and we both walked in, I placed myself on the sink, taking a long drink of the firewhiskey bottle I held.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Fred asked running a cloth under the water. “You don’t have to if you don’t want,”

“I dated a boy, since we were in hogwarts together, his name was Regulas Black, Sirius brother.” I paused flinching in pain as Fred pressed the cloth against my right hand. “He died in 1979, and Sirius thinks I should be over it by now, but I just can’t,”

“I didn’t know, i’m sorry” Fred said lowly removing the cloth from my hand. “You’ve broken some bones, your whole hand in fact,”

“Honestly, I deserved it,” I leaned back against the mirror, taking another drink from the bottle. “Do you wanna a drink?” I asked looking at Fred, I moved myself a bit so Fred could jump up on the counter beside me.

“Thanks,” Fred took the bottle out of my hand and took a drink. “Do you still love him?” 

“Regulas?” I paused looking at Fred. “Of course I do, and I think that's the problem, i’d feel guilty if i’d ever get with someoen else, like he’ll know,” 

“I mean, a kiss wouldn’t hurt, it’s not illegal here,” Fred said making me smile, “Maybe it’ll help?” I turned my head and looked at Fred, my head was spinning and my body felt out of control.

“A kiss wouldn’t hurt,” I whispered leaning in, as the both of us were inches away from each other, the doorknob turned and I pulled back, looking at the door, Remus walked in with a bottle in his hand.

“I’ve looked all over for you, we’re just getting the party started, come back downstairs,” Remus said almost yelling. 

“I think that's a good idea,” I grabbed the bottle from Fred and jumped off the counter. “Come on, the party is just getting started,” I looked back at Fred who had a smile on his face.

“You’re right,” The three of us walked back downstairs to see Sirius and Neville longbottom dancing, which made me smile, imagining him and Frank dancing in the common room on a cold night.

The night went on, everyone slowly making their way into different rooms, Remus and I almost to drunk to be responsible placed everyone in different rooms.

“Tonight was fun,” I whispered leaning against the hallway walls with a half empty fire whisky bottle.

“It was, it really was,” Remus said smiling, leaning beside me. Sirius walked out of the bathroom, whipping his mouth and smile. “You good there Padfoot?”

“Never better, come on, I hear our bed calling our name!” Sirius grabbed Remus’ hand, dragging him away. I smiled looking at my bedroom door, I walked in to George Weasley passed out on my bed.

“How did you get in here?” I whispered walking in, I grabbed my blanket, tossing it over his body and walked out of my room, downstairs to the couch.

“What are you doing?” I heard as I walked in, I looked at the corner of the room, Fred was laying on the couch.

“What are you doing, why aren’t you in a room?” I asked sitting down on the couch across from him.

“I don’t think I could move off the couch, my whole body feels like jello,” Fred said making me chuckle.

“Well at least let me put a blanket over you, you look cold,” I pushed myself off the couch, almost falling but held myself up, grabbing the blanket from behind me and placing it on Fred.

“What are you going to sleep with?” He asked as I covered his body up. 

“I’ll manage, if you need anything i’ll be roaming around the house,” I went to go walk away from Fred but he grabbed my wrist.

“Please stay with me,” Fred whispered, I nodded my head, sitting down beside him. “Regulas would have wanted you to move on,” 

“I know,” I ran my hands threw Fred hair as he moved his hand onto my lap. 

“Kiss me,” Fred whispered looking up at me, I looked down at him.

“No, I don’t think I will,” I leaned down planting a kiss on his forehead. “Thank you for understanding what I have to do,” 

[sincerlypadfoot]

The Girl Who Belived

- I thought about this for a long time so here a shot- You left the wizard world after the first wizard war and moved to the muggle world, changing your whole persona, forgetting about your past, but when you get called back by someone everyone is surprised to see you after so many years. Your former boyfriend, former best friend and new people who know you but you don’t know them

Warning - Depression and Violence

Word Count - 2134

Do you ever have that one song, the song that makes you forget about everything. All the problems in your head, forgetting about your worries and pain. The only thing in your head at that moment is the lyrics that run in your ears, the patting of your bear feet hitting the floor and the beat of your heart in your whole body. Until the music stops.

“Bloody hell,” I cursed catching my breath, putting my feet back on the ground and calming myself. “Stupid music box,” I muttered walking over to the radio that sat on the other side of the room. “For once just work,” I said hitting the top of it. The music started again but it wasn’t the same, the feeling was gone and the song meant nothing anymore. 

I walked to the mirror on the other side of my room, slipping my shirt off, revealing the scarring on my body, the life that once was me, but wasn’t anymore, the life that I wanted to forgot about but some things were just permit. I opened my dresser, tossing a sweatshirt on and tossing it on, turning my eyes away my from body, the music stopped once more.

“Just once, once I wanna listen to this damn radio,” I hissed turning to walk out of my room and back to the radio. “Just once please let me forget,” I screamed picking up radio and tossing it across the room, but the radio did not make it to the floor, it stood in the middle of the room, slowly raising itself in the air. “No!” I screamed running to the radio to grab it, but was blown back with a gust of light.

“Bloody hell,” I heard from beside me, the vision infront of me was just a bright light. As my vision came slowly back I knew where I was just from infront of me, and who’s voice was there.

“Why am I here,” I muttered not turning around and getting off the floor. “Bring me back home now!” I screamed getting up quickly and turning around to come face to face with James Potter. James Potter? “Your dead?” I asked looking at him then looking down at my necklace, a time turner.

“What are you doing here? Your going to get us killed!” He shouted as Lily came out from the corner with Harry in her hands. “Y/n? Hello?” He said snapping me back into reality. I had to save him, had to save my best friend.

“We have to go, voldemort on his way, Peter gave out your location, I heard him, please come on,” I pleaded, this was what I wanted for years, to come back to his moment and save these three.

“Y/n, we haven't seen you in months, and now your telling us that voldemort on his way here,  why should we believe you?” James said questioning me. “And Peter would never do such a thing, leave please,” He asked but Lily stepped up.

“Your like a sister to me y/n, we survived hogwarts together, if your telling the truth then we’ll come with you, but where?” Lily said putting her hand on James and holding onto Harry with the other. 

“Just pack whatever you can, Sirius shouldn't have left home quiet yet, we can make it to him if we hurry” I panicked looking out the window. I was in a nightmare right now, a horrible nightmare. The day I never wanted to relive, but the day of saving my two best friends. “Hurry please,” I shouted out at the couple, then it came to me. “James I need your wand?” I shouted running to the bottom of the stairs.

“I trust you,” He shouted to me tossing his wand down the stairs, landing in my hands. “I believe you,” He said then quickly running back to the room with Lily. I looked down at the wand in my hand, almost nineteen years without holding one of these, I could remember so save some lives. 

“Protego,” I repeated four times pointing James’ wand at each end of ever wall, watching small bursts of light formed around the house, and a glimpse of green walking towards. “We really have to go,” I shouted running up the stairs, taking one more look at the door then running into the room where the Potters were packing.

“What now?” Lily asked as I shut the door behind me and passing James’ his wand back. “How do they know where we are?” She asked holding Harry to her chest.

“I’ll explain at Sirius’ come on now, i’ve only done this once when we went to hogwarts and it went okay,” I said to the trio. “Grab hands please,” I whispered closing my eyes and breathing in. The banging of the door caved in and it was the time. “apparate,” I whispered, wind hit my face, and the grip of the Potters loosened. “Are we alive?” I asked opening my eyes to the disappointment, I was back in my apartment, the radio back on the shelf it was originally on and I was sitting on the ground, hands still warm. 

“Stupid radio,” I mumbled in sadness, helping myself up from the floor and walking away to my bedroom, crawling into my bed and letting the tears fall down my face. The wave of grief hit me again,  just like it was the day I heard that James and Lily died, the same wave of guilt that rushed in my like a tidal wave. “Stupid Radio,” I cried out screaming, getting out of my bed again and ripping my drawers away, throwing all my clothes out and falling to the ground, holding the last memorie I had from hogwarts, the quidditch sweater that the boys and Lily pitched in to get me for my sixteenth birthday. “Stupid Radio,” I whispered holding the sweater to my chest, leaning back onto my bed frame and letting the tears fall down my face as I wanted to remember but I couldn’t.

As everything was quiet in my apparent again, everything just stood still, the clothes tossed on my floor, my head pounding and the tear soaked sweater swaddled in my arms, laying down on my chest. Then the sound of the song, the lyrics in my head and the lump in my throat all came back, from one song.

“I know that things can really get rough when you go it alone,” I muttered singing the song in defeat. “Don't go thinking you gotta be tough, to play like a stone,” Tears formed again, and the song lowered, turning off at the same part. “Why can’t you let me be happy,” I cried out looking at the radio that stood across the hall in the living room. “I just wanna be happy,” I whispered closing my eyes. “Please,” I pleaded once more opening my eyes and just looking at the radio. The music start rising again, admitting the same bright light, but stronger, the light shining through every window in the house, ever crack and seal in the walls and every surface with a leak. 

“Please no, no,” I cried out putting my head in my knees and crying into the sweater that laid on my lap. “I can’t do it again!” I screamed repeating it over and over again until the vibrations stopping and everything was calm.

“y/n” I heard from overtop of me. “Where have you been, how did you get here?” Sirius Black, the man who had my heart for years, the boy would I planned to live with for the rest of my life. “Your alive?” I heard him say once more.

“What year is it?” I asked not looking up, it was all a dream like last time, I couldn't do it, not again.

“Its nineteen ninety five crazy, look at me,” Sirius demanding putting his hand on top of my head. “We’ve looked for you for nineteen years y/n,” Sirius said as I looked up at him, he was telling the truth, he looked much older, nineteen years older with curly brown hair and a mustache he always talked about having but could never grow.

“Whos we?” I asked as Sirius helped me up, I was stunned in the moment, I was back in the wizarding world.  “Is James alive?” I asked looking around, I was in Sirius’ childhood home, the home he depsized.

“I’m right here,” James said coming around the corner. “You show up after nineteen years and ask for me. makes me feel special,” James said, always a jokester, still the same man I knew back at hogwarts.

“Oh dear goodness,” I cried out running to him and hugging him, wrapping my hands around him and crying. “I did it,” I said to myself.

“You have some explaining to do y/n,” Sirius said leaning against the wall. “You left right after graduation, faked your own death and just show up back here, asking if James is dead,” SIrius said upset. 

“You scared us all half to death you know, we really thought you were dead,” James said letting go of me. “I almost was dead but someoen saved us, I would be dead without them,” He said with a smile.

“I couldn’t do magic anymore, after voldemort stuck me in the heart and I didnt die, it changed me in a bad way, I moved to the muggle world, forgot about magic, tossed everything away until today,” I explained putting my hand on my forehead. “That stupid radio,” I mumbled not feeling so well.

“You pushed everything of magic away, you pushed us away, what did the spell do to you?” Sirius asked but before I could answer his arms were wrapped around me. “I just missed you, after the war it was just horrid, we looked for you, we truly did but no sign, it was like you disappeared from our minds,” Sirius mumbled in my ear.

“I had too, magic did something to me after voldemort struck me, I was a curse, a danger, I didnt wanna harm you guys so I just left,” I said wrapping my hands around him. “I am really sorry,” I whispered in his ear.

“Sirius who’s that?” Remus Lupin, the one and only, the boy who saved my life more times then I could repay.  “Is that?” I heard before another pair of hands wrapped around me. “I thought you were dead he cried out leaning on my shoulder.

“Come on, let her get some fresh air, she looks like a mess, in a good way,” James said with a smile on his face. “You still have ton of explaining to do,” James said with a expressionless face. 

“We have complain Prongs, Moony, help her get freshened up please,” Sirius said calling James and Remus by there nicknames. “You both can catch up and we can deal with the company,” Sirius said looking at me. “I really did miss you,” he said planting a kiss on my forehead.

James walked up to me with a smile. “I never thought you would get to meet my son, his name his Harry, your his godmother,” He said grabbing my hand. “He’s heard a lot about you,” He said before Sirius called him away to the dinning room.

“Come on, i’ll get you cleaned up, you have a lot of explaining to do, a lot of it,” Remus said tossing his arm over my shoulder and walking me up the stairs. “Start with why you left a week after graduation,” Remus asked his first question kicking the bathroom door opened lightly.

I took a deep breath in, sitting on the closed toilet and looking up at Remus. “Voldemort found me after graduation, struck me in the heart a curse that I haven't even heard of, it was slowly killing me and everything I touched so I left, moved to the muggle world, forgot everything, my heart still aches, a pain I couldn't describe,” I said as Remus gently pushed a wet faceclothe on my face, wiping away the blood, tears and sweat from the last couple hours.

“A curse in your heart, that's why you left?” Remus said feeling bad. “I understand but there is something you need to know,” Remus said putting my hand in his. “He’s back and he wants Harry, when Harry was about a year and a half old voldemort tried killing him, instead it killed Voldemort and left Harry alive, with a scar on his forehead,” Remus started to explain. “He’s back, trying to kill Harry, and we could use your help,” He said making me hesitant, I looked down to my feet, thinking about my apartment back home.