#somehow things will work out like i know i wont die and the world wont end etc etc

[talon-dragonbeast]

do you ever think about theories of origin? i do. sometimes i like to look into all the different explanations for alterhumanity that ive seen in the past, just for fun. of course, all my identities are still psychological, so i dont even need to think about this on the first place... but shower thoughts are shower thoughts, and pondering things for fun is a hobby of mine.

my favourite theory of origin is, undoubtedly, the soul misplacement theory. the notion that, before you were born, a soul was placed inside your body, one that didnt match the one that was "supposed" to inhabit the body... so, for example, if im a dragon, the theory says that the soul of a dragon was mistakenly put in this human body, and that this soul was supposed to go somewhere else (maybe a parallel world, a different dimension/plane of existence, or just a different planet very far away from here) but is now trapped here.

i dont know, i just find it very sweet. if you think about it, this theory requires the belief that somehow, somewhere, there is a world where dragons exist (and also, it requires you to assume that your human soul, the displaced one, is now in a dragons body in this other world, which i find hilarious). this theory is in itself very comforting to those who uphold it, because it makes you able to believe that, no matter how bad this life is, theres a world out there where you could live or have lived the life of your dreams. maybe you are able to remember what this life is or was like (through noemata or past life regression), maybe not; but you know that it could be out there, and that is enough.

it also lays out some very interesting questions: if this was a mistake, how is that possible? who puts souls inside bodies in the first place? is it a god? some other higher being? if it is a god or something similar, does this mean that gods are capable of making mistakes? is this theory compatible with other religious beliefs, or is it a religious belief on its own? what even is a soul? what will happen to my dragon soul when i die; will it go to a dragon body like how it was supposed to in the first place, or will it remain trapped in this plane of existence forever? do all dragonkin come from the same "dragon world", or are they different ones? and if they indeed are different ones, does that mean that dragons are common enough in the universe that there are not one, but multiple worlds with dragons out there? are dragons the crabs of the universe? this and other questions i yell into the void, because i know that by their very nature they wont have one single answer, and because everyone is different every being will have different theories for their own existence.

other theory which i find fascinating is the parallel life theory. not because of the theory itself, but because of the implications of it. if your soul, your mind, your counciousness or whatever, was really able to exist in two different realities at once, what would this mean for psychology, for science? are only some brains especially wired to jump from one world to another, or is everyone capable of doing so with the right training? in these other lifes, would you retain the knowledge from this one, or would you lose it every time you switch between worlds? and also (and forgive me if this may sound insensitive, this is a rhetorical question and not meant to have an answer), which one of these worlds would be considered "the most important one", or even "the real one"? is it the first? is it the one you discover later in life? is it the most "mundane" one? the one you like the most? i think this theory leaves more questions than it answers, and while that may work for some people it does make me somewhat uneasy, as if there is more to learn about it. but thats just my personal opinion.

and finally, the Everyones Otherkin theory. this is of course the funniest one and the one i would most wish to be true, mainly because i wholeheartedly believe that it would make a better world this way. it would also explain some things like the "spirit animal" phenomenon from a decade or so ago, or the fact that almost all humans unconsciously align themselves with animals/mythical creatures/objects/colors, in some way (via archetypes or symbolism) throughout their lives. its true that sometimes i like to assign kintypes to the people i know, but i only do it for my own strange amusement and would never take it more seriously than i should.

so yeah, while none of these theories apply to me, i still like to think about them from time to time because i believe theyre interesting. so, just out of curiosity: whats your theory of origin? whats your favorite one (regardless of if you believe in it or not)? and finally, whats the weirdest theory that youve come across over your time in the community?

[kimmkitsuragi]

ahhh.

[chuulyssa]

​🇸 ​​🇮​​ 🇹​ ​ 🇴 ​​🇳​ ​🇮 ​​🇹​ !

BSD MEN REACTING TO YOU ASKING TO SIT ON THEIR FACE.

�� A/N ─ i love writing these lmk if yall like reading these by liking :D

★ FT. ─ dazai , chuuya , ranpo , akutagawa , fyodor

!! TAGS ─ f!reader, face-sitting, 69, cunnilingus

SMUT, 18+, MDNI

"can i sit on your face?"

ᴅᴀᴢᴀɪ.

yes yes and YES

you've never seen this man more excited

to think that you were the one who suggested it between you two!

we all know he's a freak

and a master pussy muncher

man's throbbing just hearing those 6 words from your mouth lmaoo

"Aw, would you look at that? This is the third time you've come, bella. Wanna squirt next?" he mocks from under you. "No complaints accepted. You were the one who suggested this."

​ᴄʜᴜᴜʏᴀ.

chokes on his expensive ass wine (iconic)

turns his neck towards you so fast you think he might've snapped it

just stares at you flustered and blushing slightly

stares

stares

still staring

YANKS you and THROWS you onto the bed. yea man, that's defo leaving marks. but its chuuya saurrr 🤷🏻‍♀️

"Guess you really aren't as innocent as I thought you were, eh?" he says teasingly. "My, my, you're on top, yet you're the one dumbfucked. And I haven't even started yet!"

ʀᴀɴᴘᴏ.

rolls his eyes LMFAO

him? abandoning his snacks?? as if

"what's in it for me huh?"

will only accept it if you agree to the 69 position so he gets something in return (man's a giver-taker)

eats you out and takes 2-3 second breaks in between for commentary to update you about how you taste and if it really was worth putting his candy stash down for you

"You think you're sweeter than my candies? Wanna bet?" he raises an eyebrow. "I mean, I already know the answer - you know, the greatest detective in the world and all that. But I'll give you a chance to prove yourself."

ᴀᴋᴜᴛᴀɢᴀᴡᴀ.

he will choke and die so WHY are you suggesting it /j

lets pretend for a moment that he WONT choke and die from the gorgeousness of your ass (love yourself !!)

he's a bit grossed out at the thought. just virgin things ig /j

if he somehow (and idk how) agrees, he'll grip your hips and place you down on his face gently like really really slowly

to the point where you grow impatient and shift so you can toy with his cock

and then that man just snaps and 🤭

"You like that? Is that right? You want more?" he glares at your pussy, heart nearly bursting out of his chest when he hears you pant 'Yes, yes, I love it.'

"Hm. I guess it's okay then."

ꜰʏᴏᴅᴏʀ.

DISGUSTED.

first off how tf is his tired ass anemic body supposed to hold your weight and not die

secondly you're messing with his religious faith!! stop trying to tempt him, satan!

you have to convince him. seduce him on the ultra pro iphone 15 max level.

will ask for a 69 position because ain't no way he's eating you out without getting a bj in return

"Really, now? You're forgetting your part of the deal?" he pats your ass impatiently, your body limp from pleasure and thus unable to give him head in the position. "I guess I'll have to do it myself then."

© chuulyssa 2024 - do not copy, plagiarize or repost my works on any platforms. do not translate.

[iikatsukii]

His duties will not die.

synopsis: what if it was lo’ak and not neteyam…?

pairings: Lo'ak x TwinFem!reader, Sully family x Daughter/sister!reader

warnings: death mention & swearing.

word count: 1.8k

a/n: i wrote this first thing when i woke up this morning i had to get it out my head. also i love emphasizing words with red text. also also i totally forgot to make this clear but you are lo'ak's twin sister, koa. the story takes place like 3 years after wotw.

it was always his fault. 

it was always going to be lo'aks fault. 

no matter what he did, how hard he tried, what he sacrificed, it would always somehow wind down to being lo'aks fault

… even if what he sacrificed was himself. 

"koa…"

you ignored your father as you had been since your twin died. the day your brother's life left his eyes in your arms was the day you vowed to never speak again if the person who understood you most was lying lifeless in your arms. 

"koa, it's been years babygirl. will you please just talk to us? please, we're all hurting. we all miss him. just please say something. anything." jake would do the same thing every day. beg and plead with you to talk to him or anyone on the island. having twins was already demanding, but it's even more complicated when one dies in the other's arms. and as if it couldn't get any worse, you went mute after your brother died, so jake felt as if he had not lost one but both of his children. 

you never slept or ate with them anymore, too focused on pulling your weight in the clan. you knew deep down your father didn't really want you to talk to him. he just didn't want to have to feel like he's lost another child. and to you, nothing else in this world could make you angrier. you spent years listening to your father grovel at your feet, begging you to say something to him. and suddenly, all those years went to waste when you finally snapped at him.

"you do not miss him." your voice was hoarse but not completely gone, as you would still speak every now and then. but it was only when you were alone or with payakan. you wouldn't sleep, so you would sneak out of your marui to visit your twin's soul brother, knowing he was the only other being in the world who knew how you felt. 

that was the first thing you had said to anyone in almost 3 years, and honestly, it hurt your father's feelings. 

"koa, you cannot say that," jake tried to defend himself, not expecting his daughter's first words to him in 3 years to be dripping with poison as she spoke to him. he was confused. why were you acting this way? 

"oh, so now i cannot speak because you don't like what i said? well, it's fucking true. you did this exact same shit to him all the time. do not try it with me, it wont work." you yelled at him.

"watch your mouth young lady." your father kept trying to give you warnings because he knew this wasn't you. he knew you were just speaking out if hurt and that you didn't really mean what you were saying… right?

"no! fuck you! this is all your fault. if you hadn't put so much pressure on him, he would still be here. it was always his fault, his fault, his fault. TAKE FUCKING ACCOUNTABILITY. HE WAS YOUR SON. HE WAS RAISED BY YOU. YOU TAUGHT HIM HOW TO BE HIM. ALL HE WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO SEE HIM. ALL HE WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO BE PROUD OF HIM. HE DIED TRYING, AND YOU STILL DON'T SEE HIM AND YOU NEVER FUCKING WILL BECAUSE HE'S DEAD AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT" every sentence was paired with a punch, a push, or a shove to your father's chest. honestly, jake just stood there and took it. you were his daughter, and you were hurting, so if you needed to punch and push him a few times to release some anger, then he would allow it. at this point, jake was willing to do anything for your forgiveness.

"koa, i understand that baby girl, but you have to heal now. you've been overworking yourself, not eating, baby, you barely sleep. this can't go on anymore. i can't allow you to keep killing yourself. i can't lose anyone else." your father said, tears clouding his eyes as he took in every word you said. 

you were right; looking back on all the times he had lectured his children, he couldn't even count on his fingers and toes how many of those times it was only lo'ak getting in trouble. jake is only now noticing how he would always treat you and lo'ak differently even though you were twins. to him, you were his princess, his baby girl, his fiercest daughter, and lo'ak was nothing but an immature warrior who wasn't ready for the world, let alone any raids. 

"oh, but it was okay to lose him?" you asked, voice already hurting because of all the screaming you had done.

"i didn't say that-" jake tried to explain, but you cut him off.

"NOBODY HERE CARES." you screamed, pushing away a bit harder this time, causing his frame to shift slightly. he gently held your forearms, trying to keep you within arm's reach so you wouldn't slip away from him.

it was quiet. 

"we are supposed to be pulling our weight in this clan. i do not care if you think i am killing myself. his duties will not die with him."

your older brother was tired of your silent treatment, as his father called it. he felt like you were being selfish. everyone lost lo'ak. it wasn't just you. the whole family had experienced a loss, and instead of coming together as you guys should have, you distanced yourself. you made it hard for the family to know how you were feeling or even what you were doing. they could almost always never find you. you were always out fishing or with tsireya weaving baskets and making jewelry for the little girls and boys of the clan. 

you would also sometimes talk to tsireya. well, not really talk. your brother's girlfriend had immediately respected that you had gone mute after the whole situation. if she had enough self-control, she would probably be right there with you. she taught you sign language upon your request so that you could still communicate with her. since you two were the only people close enough to really see lo'ak, you became inseparable, much to ao'nungs dismay. 

"koa, let it go. the whole family lost someone. this isn't only about you–" your older brother tried to get you to snap out of your little pity party, but then you snapped at him. 

"NO! I WILL HUNT MY PORTION AND CONTINUE UNTIL I CATCH FOR LO'AKS SHARE. I WILL WEAVE MY BASKETS AND CONTINUE UNTIL I HAVE WEAVED LO'AKS SHARE. I WILL TRAIN UNTIL ECLIPSE, THEN TRAIN MORE TILL MORNING FOR THE TIMES LO'AK SHOULD'VE BEEN TRAINING. THIS WAS NEVER FUCKING ABOUT ME," you yelled at your elder sibling, having pulled yourself from your father's grip upon hearing the bullshit that was coming out of his mouth. 

"it was his decision to go after the spider! he's dead because of the choices he made–" neteyam said. he knows in the back of his head he didn't really mean it, and he made a mental note to apologise to you later when you're not both about to rip each other's heads off in the heat of the moment. 

"IT WAS MY IDEA," you screamed at him, tears spilling down your cheeks. the whole family gasped; they were confused, especially neteyam and kiri. it was lo'ak who came to him with the idea of getting spider back, so…

"what are you talking about?" kiri voiced what everyone was thinking.

"it was my idea. i knew how much spider meant to you, kiri. you're my sister so i couldn't not do this for you. we had to save him. i convinced lo'ak that if he could get nete on board with the plan that we could go after spider and save him. if only lo'ak hadn't-"

"LO'AK ISN'T HERE." neteyam yelled at you. he didn't know where the volume or energy to yell came from. he was tired of being reminded of the brother he had lost. this wasn't something he wanted to keep reliving. 

"DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT?! NONE OF YOU KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO FEEL THE OTHER HALF OF YOUR HEART BE RIPPED OUT OF YOUR CHEST. IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES NO LESS."

"koa…" your mother finally spoke, pulling you into the hug you'd needed for the past 3 years. giving you the warmth that you could've used when you were crying yourself to sleep. sharing the comfort that has been passed around the family, and now, it is your turn to experience it. 

"sa'nu, he pushed me out of the way. he saved me and risked himself. he put his life on the line for me. my twin brother is dead and–" you said, sobbing into your mother's embrace as your father and little sister, tuk, slowly joined. 

"koa, my child… your brother is with the great mother eywa now… he is safe. if you want we can go to the tree of voices right now to visit him." your mother offered the thing that brought her to ease the most, visiting lo'ak at the tree of voices. 

you hadn't dared go anywhere near the cove of the ancestors after your twin died. you didn't dare to face him. worried that he'll lecture you after seeing what you were doing to yourself. he would probably find a way to blame himself too. 

"i don't want to see him. i want to be with him… i miss him." you cried, kiri and nete having joined the family hug as well. 

your anger had long since died down. after 3 years of pent-up emotion, you finally felt like you had people to support you. but as you looked into your mother and father's eyes, you said the one thing your family needed to hear. the one thing they needed you to say so they could properly help you. 

"my twin brother is dead, and it is my fault..." you cried to your parents. you don't really think it's jakes fault 

you think it is yours. 

your family was at a loss for words, so neytiri and jake decided that no words were meant to be said. they would determine what steps to take toward your healing tomorrow morning, but right now, they just needed to be there for you and be the parents you always needed them to be.

they wish their boy didn't have to die, trying to prove that he is beneficial to this family and not only seen as a burden. they wanted to be the parents that lo'ak always needed to be. the ones who love and do not lecture. the ones who were open-minded and didn't give orders. if only they could be those of parents for lo'ak, even if it just for one second.

[flyingspicerack]

YOUKAI AU LORE!!!!!

literally just copy pasted what i told ghost in dms no beta we die like men

ok so my youkai au... SO I started thinking about it first when I saw Evan post about theirs, and I saw they they said theirs was more of an isekai style? So like, kinda Inuyasha vibes?? Also mine isn't like... TOO tied into the real hesowar au, bc i dont really know all the canon information so its all just... headcanons and my own worldbuilding (which i love to do i love worldbuilding its what i did for my thesis in art school ANYWAYYYY)) So my thoughts are kinda that theres this youkai world and each of the boys are originally human brothers that were all possessed by the youkai like hundreds of years ago and are now all these 6 powerful youkai that rule over 6 different domains. I think that in each domain, or maybe where all 6 of them converge theres a portal to the human world that opens up? Maybe both.... 7 portals, the strongest one thats always open is in the middle of the domains, each has their own, and their own unique connection to the human realm. I think Ichi, because he's a 9 tailed kitsune, he's connected to like, a specific Inari shrine I think each of the boys excepts for one or two, have like... at least harems or a partner or something at this point? It's later in their lives, idk theyre still young looking WHATEVER IDK, but Ichimatsu hasn't really... expressed any interest in anyone in the realm, yet complains to like, jyushi specifically that he feels particularly lonely. Like none of the people who come to worship him in the realm do it for him, theyre boring, whatever, idk, no connections. And since he's a trickster, the brothers are like "ohhh youre kiniving and play pranks and tricks, why dont you just like, trick a human to to be your mate/bride/spouse, humans are so interesting and quirky" and at first hes like 'no thats fucked up i wouldnt do that' but the he thinks about it ...

SO MEANWHILE, in the human world, this version of Mao, i think, is just in some like... job to pass the time, but they're incredibly lonely, theyre bad at making connections at work, theyre a bit burnt out, just things arent going their way. So, one day on the way home they're just tired, and maybe the route they walk on to and from work is like closed so they take a different route and on their way home they come upon an entrance to a shrine, maybe its a little overgrown, but... somethng calls them in, and they walk up the little stairs and are kinda drawn up to the big donation box. And they kinda just throw a couple coins in and pray and think 'im really lonely, i want companionship but im not sure what to do anymore, maybe i should change careers or just ... change myself completeley ... i need guidance' And theres this voice in the back of their head thats just like 'what if that could come true' and 'give yourself to me' and 'make me more offerings and ill give you a deal you wont refuse' and mao thinks theyre hallucinating from stress but they just empty their coin purse bc theyre kinda compelled to And they realize when they blink a couple times, that THAT was all the money they had on them and still need to buy dinner, so they try to reach down into the donation box to maybe snag back a 500 yen coin but then they fall into the box, and the descent down is a LOT longer than they would have assumed it was, and they land down in there with a thud and look up and around them and now have to figure out how to climb out, and eventually, once they do, and climb up and out of the hole or whatever, they are NOT in that shrine anymore, but somehow in the middle of the forest

SO THEYRE LIKE 'uuhhhh ... what the fuck? Did i hit my head??' and are like 'haha probably hit my head and this is a dream or something' and they dust themself off and start making their way down a path in a random direction to maybe figure out what theyre dreaming about, and theyre walking walking, and SHWOOM, right in front of them flies an arrow and they like, jolt back cause it almost hit them, and theres like ... some kind of lower level like ... imps or goblins or like ... SOMETHING and start fucking chasing mao, because this is some like... you know... uhhh idk if it feudal era? i think thats the term. ANYWAY they have pink hair and are like 'woah this person must have insane magical powers we must kill them and take their magics' and so mao gets chased in the woods all the way to like, a cliffside, and are then cornered, and are like ??????? So since they think its a dream they think if they try hard enough maybe dream logic will work so they maybe jump? immediatley fall and stars screaming, but whats this, something catches them midair and they look up and see theyre in the arms of a man with big ears and pretty red makeup who then like, with the wave of a hand wipes out the imps and lands on the ground with mao in his arms and he finally looks down at them and they share like, locked eye contact for a few moments before hes like 'kind of dumb of you to jump off that cliff considering humans cant fly' AND I HAVE LIKE, some other story beats, but the like... summarized story is that ichi starts to feel guilty for kind of coercing mao to come here so they go on like, a journey together, him protecting them, but teaching them to fight and things, while they travel toward where the domains are converged to get mao into the portal back home, but along the way they both genuinely start to fall for one another and mao eventully gives themself to ichi as his devoted bride/partner/mate and gets like... some minor powers and stuff i thinks... and yeah... hehe..

... heheh yeah... i might wanna draw story beats... i have MORE ideas, like... beats and things that happen on the journey if people wanna hear about those too....

ALSO SOMETHING I NEED TO CLARIFY!! when i say the other boys have partners, its not like... its moreso meant to be like, OTHER PEOPLE who self ship with the other boys, have already claimed them, like... how do i make this make sense.... like ... timeline wise, if like

HYPOTHETICLLY, if you wanted to insert your s/i into MY version of this au specifically, your and the matsu's story would have happened BEFORE mao enters the picture if that makes sense... bc i like the idea of ichi being the last of the brothers to make a connection, only realizing once his brothers have found love, that he wants it too ... haha hehehehehehhehehehe the end

[theflowerofthecommonwealth]

Power Armor Punch Part Fifty

Heyo we made it!!! (Throws a bunch of confetti into the air and blows into a party horn) If you have somehow been keeping up, I salute you.

Masterlist

Lucille: *dead silent. Can barely hear the others over the sound of the ocean already*

Nick: *running diagnostics to see if he can get some mobility back into his face and neck at least. Being stuck like this kind of gets old after a while*

Gardio: *gently resting his arm on Teshteal’s hat*

Teshteal: *the pressure makes him feel a bit better so he’s not complaining*

Jasmine: (Picking at her side wounds while the words “Mistake” and “Pathetic” ring through her head over and over again in her partial trance, blood trickling out onto her fingers. The wind refreshingly blows through her loose hair, but she doesn’t seem to notice while she mutters to herself)

Lucille: *would make idle conversation if anyone joined her in the cabin but she’s alone, steering the ship. Kind of depressing but hey, not the first time everyone else was doing their own thing while she worked*

Teshteal: *smacks her hand away from her side with his tail* Stop that. You’ll lose your strength if you start gushing blood.

Jasmine: (Shrieks then snaps up, blinking as she mutters something under her breath that either directed at herself or Teshteal. She tucks her hands under her legs and goes back to laying her head on her knees, quietly humming a tune)

Teshteal: *keeping an eye on her, now*

Lucille: *already missing the Commonwealth as they near the island. Soft melancholic sigh, remembering the insanity that went on there* At least I can still get the weather satellite on my pipboy… *misses the weather station she calls home, too*

Gardio: *started to doze. Head sags but bobs just a little with the sway of the boat*

Jasmine: (Takes a sip of water from her bottle and pulls out that babydoll style of singing again) “Sing, keep your spirits high. Sing, pass the worry by. Sing, till the day you die. It’s good for ya…” (Takes a deep breath to soothe herself) “Sing, while your debts are made. Sing, till the bills are paid. Sing, don’t you be afraid. It’s good for ya….”

Gardio: *wakes to Jas’s singing but keeps his head low, knowing she’ll probably stop if he acknowledges it. It sounds so sweet and pleasant to the old ghoul*

Lucille: *about to pull into port in Far Harbor*

Jasmine: (It’s an insanely stupid and naive song to sing right now and in general, but she loved it when she was small) “When old gloom come around. You don’t have to frown. It wont mean a thing, just Boopy-Doopy-Doopy-Doo! Boop-Boop-Be-Doop! (Again she can hit the Boop parts perfectly and sweetly) “Sing, make the day seem right. Sing, so you’d be alright. Sing, and with all your might. It’s good for ya.” (Looks at the Island as she finishes her song, tightening her vest around herself. She glances up to the sky, noting that some dark clouds are on the horizon)

Lucille: *cheakily as she safely docks the boat* Land Ho! Thank you for riding the Good Ship Misery! Finest cruise ship in the world.

Gardio: *looks up and cracks a grin at the joke* I want a refund.

Lucille: *laughs* Sorry, transaction laws only stand on land but not so much at sea.

Teshteal: What kinda shady business are you running here?

Lucille: *tilts her head as she ties off the boat* The free kind. Expensive, right?

Gardio: *slings Nick over his shoulder. He’ll get him situated with some help as soon as he’s on land*

Jasmine: (Slowly rises to her feet, glancing at her Dad while doing so. She doesn’t want to be apart from him… She’s not ready yet, her heart is already pounding. Especially when the distance is so far between them on a dangerous island crawling with creatures and God knows what else)

Teshteal: *already scrambling to get off the boat*

Gardio: *simply steps onto the dock*

Lucille: *second to last to leave*

Jasmine: (Jumps onto the dock, looking out past the town and at the Island, noting the thick fog that’s covering post of the land, save for some spots here and there. There’s a small twist in her heart when she remembers something specific about this island…)

Dogmeat: *bumps Jas’s hand affectionately with his head*

Lucille: *already walking into the town*

Gardio: *strolling after his daughter, noting and dodging now terrified glances by the residents- they were happy when they saw Lucille but then everyone else other than Jas came in*

Teshteal: *forced grin- definitely doesn’t like the disgusted looks of the harbor people. Walking’s more exaggerated, too*

Nick: *managed to get some control over his eyes and is looking around* Just keep walking on. Don’t pay them any mind. They’re like this a lot around newcomers*

Jasmine: (Walks up to Teshteal and takes his hand with a gentle squeeze and hum so she doesn’t scare him, narrowing her eyes at Allen Lee who throws an especially mean glare at the group. The glares aren’t probably directed at her, she’s too pretty and innocent looking. But that doesn’t stop her from getting defensive of her family and friends)

Allen: *scoffs* She brought more of them with her… they just get weirder and weirder, too.

Lucille: *growls bitterly*

Teshteal: *nervous laugh but it comes out almost mockingly*

Allen: You mocking me, mainlander freak?! *pulls out his gun*

Teshteal: Oh no, Sir- never, Sir! I would only mock you if it it suits you, Sir! *his tone has defaulted to mockery, too. He’s not trying to but it sure sounds like it*

Allen: *cocks gun* Open your mouth one more FXCKING time, freak-

Jasmine: (Marches right to Allen with her dagger in hand when she hears and sees the threat, easily grabbing his arm and twisting it at an awkward angle so his gun is aimed at the floor while she points her dagger at his neck with her other hand) (Darkly) “Try me, you will see what happens.” (Leans in, pressing the tip of her knife to his chin while she twists his arm further) “They are not the monster you have to worry about, you ever wondered what a skinned human looks like?”

Allen: *pained cry* Help, I’m being attacked by a mainlander-!

Dogmeat: *growls*

Allen: AND HER DOG, TOO!!

Lucille: You wouldn’t be in this position if you didn’t pull out your gun in the first place, Allen. You know that, right? Now why don’t you shut up and go back to peddling your weapons? Or do I need to get Captain Avery out here to settle this?

Allen: Oh, I’ll have a word with Avery- I’ll make sure this is the last time you ever set foot in Far Harbor again-

Dogmeat: *barks at him bitterly*

Avery: What’s going on here? Allen Lee, did you open your blasted mouth again?!

Allen: *suddenly goes absolutely silent*

Lucille: *smirks under her helmet*

Gardio: *just happy this Allen guy isn’t barking like an angry dog anymore. Reminds him of the thugs that would get brought into the precinct shouting and making things worse for themselves*

Jasmine: (Blinks innocently with her big brown eyes piercing back at him, tilting her head while she looks up at Allen like a little kitten and smiles) (Angelically) “Sir, if you are being attacked why do you not just pull away? I am just a little girl, you are twice my size and a well seasoned harborman. Surely you can overtake me if you really wanted to…” (Subtly puts more pressure on his arm while she pouts her lips. He can’t move without hurting no matter how hard he tries, that’s the fun part with toying with him. He looks ridiculous getting overtake by a small girl with a knife)

Allen: *tugs but quickly stops because of the pain* I can’t-

Avery: What do you mean you can’t? You’re telling me you can’t get yourself out of the whole you dug yourself into? With a child, no less? *indignantly* Huh.

Allen: *tries to move Jas’s hand with his own but that presses the knife into his skin* What the fxck- this is a joke, right?! Avery, you’re just going to stand there and let this happen?!

Lucille: Let what happen? The consequences for your actions? All you had to do was keep to yourself. But no. You had to point your gun at my friend, here.

Avery: So that’s what happened? *to Allen* Is that true?

Allen: I was defending myself from a freak of nature-!

Gardio: He only laughed. That’s not a good reason to pull a gun on someone-

Avery: Okay. I’ve heard enough. Allen. Apologize-

Allen: But-

Avery Don’t question me- apologize and back off. We have enough troubles around here as it is without you raising hell. *to Jas* And once he does, let him go. This is sad enough to watch as it is. *crossing her arms*

Jasmine: (Nods her head, again blinking innocently at Allen) “It is not a joke, I will let go if you do what she says and do not bother us again.” (Lowly so the others can’t hear, her hand squeezing enough so there’s a small pop in his arm) “If you do, there will be severe consequences.” (Sweetly while smiling once more, batting her eyes) “Thank you for playing easy on me, though you really seem mad….”

Allen: Kinda hard to hit you when this knife is digging into my skin- *accident tugs on his trapped arm* OW-!

Gardio: We’re waiting, Allen.

Allen: Keep my name out of your mouth you-

Lucille: *murderously now* Hey. You want to die? Cause you couldn’t shut the fxck up and just apologize? Keep going. It’s not just the kid you’ll be facing if you finish that fxcking sentence.

Nick: *doesn’t like the death threat but he can’t do much about it*

Allen: *frustrated* Fine. I’m fxcking sorry! There! Now leave me the hell alone!

Avery: There. Was that so bad…? *to Jas* You can let go now. Hopefully. *glares at Allen for a moment* He won’t be bothering you again.

Jasmine: (Releases Allen and withdraws her knife, watching with seemingly genuine confusion as the harborman tumbles backwards because she was holding him with so much force) “You do not have to be a Drama Queen about it. I am just a little girl, remember?” (Walks off back to her group while still keeping her perception sharp, tossing her curly hair over her shoulders)

Allen: *leaps to his feet and scrambles away in shame*

Avery: Now, what can I do for you, Lucille? What brings you to the island this time?

Lucille: A few things. *tilts her head at Jas* A friend of hers- goes by the name, “Donovan”. Have you heard of him?

Avery: *pauses in thought* Hm…

Jasmine: (Watches Allen leave as she ties a bandanna on the top of her head to help keep it out of her face, turning to Lucille with interest when she hears her mention Donny)

Avery: I think so- does he look like that fellow? *gestures to Gardio* All wrinkly and corpse like? Cause there is a guy who looks like your glowing companion.

Gardio: So a ghoul. Do you know where he lives? If he’s still sane?

Avery: Well last time I saw him he was- it has been a while since he came down for supplies. He lives at the old lighthouse with a very kind woman. Honestly if it weren’t for them, we would have lost a few good souls to the sea.

Nick: Good to hear.

Avery: Huh. Last time we saw each other, Detective, you were on your feet and less… bare?

Nick: System malfunction. Going to get it fixed.

Avery: That explains everything.

Lucille: Let’s get back on track. You said he lives in the lighthouse? Does he run any sort of business out of the lighthouse?

Jasmine: (Standing close to Gardio, but only because she wants to be near Nick to help calm herself. It catches her attention to hear that Donny is living with a kind woman, though she’d be more surprised to hear if he lived alone)

Avery: They fish but lately I’ve heard rumors they’ve been running some sort of farm.

Nick: That sounds like him. We have a source that claims he works on the sea.

Lucille: So, your hunch might be right. Is this where we part ways?

Nick: Might as well. You, Jas, and Dogmeat- check out the lighthouse. Gardio, Teshteal and I will head on to Arcadia.

Lucille: Got it. *to Avery* Thanks for the help, Captain.

Avery: *smiles at her* Anytime, Lucille.

Gardio: *nods with a kind smile at Avery then starts walking to the hull*

Teshteal: *follows him*

Jasmine: (Keeps expressionless and quiet but on the inside shes screaming and panicking as she follows along. She takes out the piece of paper that contains the command words and gives it to Teshteal) (Quietly) “Give it to Nick when he is ready, before I change my mind…” (Points to her head, trying not to cry like a baby that needs her parent. She really rather not split up and wants to go with her Dad instead)

Teshteal: *takes it and nods. He’ll get it to him as soon as he’s fixed*

Gardio: *already outside the hull, glowing a bit more thanks to the fog* Are you coming, officer?

Teshteal: *spins on his heel with a grin, already pocketing the page* Yes sir, chief! *catches up to him and they start walking away*

Lucille: *turns to Jas after waving them off* Ready to go?

Jasmine: (Watches the departing group leave for a long moment before vaguely nodding at Lucille, trying to control her shaking while she pulls her hood over her head but opts out of putting on her mask)

Lucille: *isn’t going to press her about it- but it would be wise to wear it. She starts walking on to the lighthouse, following the route on her pipboy overlay in her helmet*

Dogmeat: *follows Lucille then stops to look at Jas to make she’s coming*

Gardio: *listening to Nick tell him how to get there*

Teshteal: *his horns and tail glow brighter in the fog, too… maybe something to do with the radiation.*

Jasmine: (Not wearing her mask because she can’t fucking breathe properly with how tight her chest is compressing. Nevertheless, she closely and calmly follows along with her hand near her gun and her focus on their surroundings as sharp as she can make it)

Teshteal: *does end up having to kill a couple of trappers along the way. They stick out like a sore thumb in the fog so they attract more attention*

Gardio: *still pretty handy with his pistol despite having to hold a synth*

Lucille: *luckily hasn’t run into anything yet. She keeps an eye out for enemies, though*

Dogmeat: *sticking next to Jas the entire time*

Jasmine: (Resisting the urge to scratch her sides to relieve the stress and pent up emotions, focusing on the scenery and taking deep breaths so she doesn’t faint instead. She’s staying quiet and small so she doesn’t draw attention to their little trio. Overhead the dark clouds have settled in over the island, getting a greenish tint to them)

Lucille: *sighs bitterly* Looks like a rad storm. I wish I could do something about that… probably better if we make a run for it. *considers the satellites but she only pulls that out if it looks really bad*

Teshteal: *having a field day slaughtering gulpers they ran into*

Gardio: *had to set Nick down just to help*

Jasmine: (Quietly) “I will be alright in the storm, but we can run if we need to.”

Lucille: I suggest we run anyway. We’ll get to the lighthouse faster.

Teshteal: Well that was fun. Back on the road, I guess. *stops when he sees Gardio* You okay?

Gardio: *spacing out but snaps out of it* Just a little overloaded on radiation. Give me a moment. *takes in a deep breath and lets out a concentrated burst of radiation through the cracks in his skin*

Teshteal: So radiation still hurts you in a way?

Gardio: It… can overwhelm me. I sometimes get this weird sense of something… *rubs his fingers together as he thinks* Otherworldly pulling at me when I absorb too much. I’d rather it not. I still want to go to Heaven after I die. *wry chuckle as he picks up Nick*

Teshteal: *doesn’t know if he should be concerned for his friend’s sanity or impressed he still ascribes to any religion after living through the bombs*

Jasmine: (Nods her head. She’ll adjust her speed to Lucille’s so she doesn’t end up bolting ahead. It’s actually something she’s good at, you can’t exactly play with other kids who have half your stamina and strength without adjusting, otherwise you just mop the floor with them every time)

Lucille: *breaks into a full sprint, charging forward down the path until she needs to walk again to build up stamina, then it’s another full sprint*

Dogmeat: *chases after them, tongue flopping out of his mouth and flapping in the wind*

Nick: You still believe in that sorta thing, Chapel?

Gardio: I do. Especially now. For so many reasons- especially Lucille. My sweet little Lucille… *smiles remembering a little girl playing with toy cars on the floor of their home*

Teshteal: … She’s so tall. And kind of mean.

Gardio: She… does have her moments. Don’t let that color your judgement. She’s always been a good and helpful kid.

Teshteal: *goes quiet*

Jasmine: (Maintains a good balance of not running too far ahead, slowing down whenever Lucille needs to replenish her stamina. She’s glad they are running now, it helps keeps her mind off everything else, running is what’s she does when she wants to get away from anything too stressful, wether it be physical or mental)

Lucille: *comes up on the lighthouse just as the thunder starts rolling overhead. Soon she’s knocking on the door*

Gardio: *strolling up the hill with Nick over his arms. Not much longer until they’re in Acadia*

DiMA: Hm? *gets out of his chair* Who are you? I don’t believe we’ve met- *notices Nick draped over Gardio’s shoulder like a sack of beans and runs up to the two* Brother? Is that you? What happened??

Gardio: *raises an eyebrow in confusion* Brother…?

Teshteal: *shrugs* I don’t remember if he had one or not-

Nick: I do. DiMA, these two are Gardio Chapel and Teshteal. Old coworkers of mine- or rather the original Nick’s. Either way, they’re friends. I wouldn’t have made it up here without them.

DiMA: Yes- well, you know my policy, Nick. Any friend of yours is-

Nick: Welcome? Yeah. I know. Sorry to cut to the chase but is Faraday around? I’m gonna need some dire maintenence done. I’m stuck in this… safe mode and I can’t move an inch!

DiMA: *confused at first* Faraday-? *nods understandingly* Of course! Of course! He’s in the room just over-

Faraday: *walks in, rubbing his neck* I heard my name. What’s happening…?

Jasmine: (Takes a moment to examine the lighthouse that may be her childhood friends home, glossing over all its details)

The Lighthouse: (Surrounding the main building is large handmade barrier with two exits, one main that the bridge is leading to and off one side that leads down a dirt path. The main gate that they walked through has a sign that reads, “Traders Welcome” is hanging over it. There’s a neat line of turrets rumbling along the guard posts to ward off anything or anyone that crawls out of the fog with malicious intent. The lighthouse itself seems to be well in the process to be restored to completion. Most of the holes in the walls have been patched up either fully or temporarily with layers of tarp and the roof is completely fixed with new shingles. Prewar times there used to be two porches that lead into the home, but now it seems that the inhabitants have turned the left porch into a new separate room by walling it off)

Dog: (Starts barking up a storm from the inside, not aggressively but to alert the household that they have guest)

Ghoul: (Opens the main door after a few minutes and gives a friendly smile at the small group on his porch as he leans on the doorframe. He’s well around six feet tall and sturdy built for the Wasteland, neatly dressed too in quality homemade work clothes. There’s a bandana covering his brown hair that he managed to keep, and a eyepatch is covering his right eye) “Hello! What can I do ya three for?” (For a ghoul, his voice is surprisingly smooth, could very well pass for human if no one took a look at his face)

Dog: (Curiously pokes her nose from behind the ghouls legs, trying to catch a whiff of the newcomers)

Jasmine: (Suppresses a whimper and freezes when she sees him, blinking slowly at the man from the bottom of her hood. Even though he’s a ghoul and so much older from when they were last together…. she can still recognize him. Somehow he still has that same goofy yet mature Donny look to him that she couldn’t miss from a mile away. Ah, he’s even wearing that stupidly dorky orange shirt under his jacket…)

Donovan: (Completely oblivious to the fact that his Rosalinda from years ago is standing right there a few feet in front of him while he stands there to keep the dog from barging out)

Dogmeat: *walks up and timidly sniffs at the other dog with a small wine, trying to get a good read on her*

Lucille: Hi, it’s about to storm and we need a bit of shelter until it passes. Would you mind letting us in until then? *is not about to lead with “Hi I brought an old friend. We don’t know each other so take my word for it!” That would be suspicious as hell*

Nick: Ah! Faraday! Could you help an old synth out?

DiMA: He says he’s in some sort of “safe mode”. Would you be willing to help him?

Gardio: Lucille said you know a thing or two about this stuff-

Faraday: Of course I do. It’s kind of what I do around here.

DiMA: Faraday, you know you do more than that. Why else would I consult you and Chase?

Faraday: *pauses then sighs* I guess you’re right… *to Gardio* Bring him to the back and we’ll get started.

Gardio: *does so*

Donovan: (Smiles even more warmly) “Hiya there pup.” (Steps aside to let the dog behind him out to greet Dogmeat)

Dog: (Borks happily when she’s free to start sniffing everyone with her tail wagging. She goes straight to greeting Dogmeat, her feet tapping with excitement at a new potential puppy playmate)

Donovan: (To Lucille as he gestures inside) Oh yeah, that’s perfectly fine! These storms sure do come in out of-…”

Jasmine: (Reaches up and pulls off her hood while raising her head, looking at Donny straight in the eye to test him. She’s not walking into a strange house with the chance the household will get hostile when Donovan see who she is)

Donovan: (Completely taken off guard by her sudden reveal of piercing amber eyes that bore into his soul, staring at the girl with his mouth partly open) “I- Wha-….” (Stands straight and slowly crosses the porch to the girl, lowering his voice to a whisper) “Rosalinda…?” (Reaches up and cups her cheek with one hand, checking to make sure his eyes aren’t deceiving him)

Jasmine: (Flinches at him coming close and when he touches her face but she doesn’t push him away, just gives a vague nod while she stares up at him expressionless other than a small glint in her eye)

Donovan: (Getting choked up at the realization that his childhood friend who was taken away from her loving family and friends is standing in front of him, over two hundred years since that awful day and the end of the world) “Rosie!” (Pulls her into a tight hug) “Oh my god…”

Jasmine: (Stiffens a little at the hug and looks at the ground. Ignoring the blaring alarms in her head and the tightness/pounding in her chest, she slowly lifts one arm to give him a half hug back, remaining expressionless)

Donovan: (Pulls back after a moment, gently tilting the young girl’s chin up so he can get a better look at her. His eyes roam her face, sensing that something is very wrong with his Rosalinda. She’s not lively, there’s not even a spark in her eyes) (Softly with concern) “Are you alright? What happened to you, Ro-Ro?”

Jasmine: (Drops her hands to her sides, silently shaking her head while she looks to the floor once more. Rain trickles down from the sky a little more, making the reunion more cinematic)

Donovan: (Raises his head to glance over at Lucille, silently asking who she is and why she’s accompanying a very depressed Rosie)

Lucille: Here’s the truth- we actually came here so she can see you. She’s been through hell- probably worse than that.

Dogmeat: *does the playful stretch with his rear to the air and chest to the ground to show he’s game for playing*

Lucille: I know it doesn’t look like it but her adopted father, Nick, has been giving everything he can to take care of her. And I do mean everything. *urgently* Now can we please get out of the rain? It’s not good for her wounds-

Donovan: (Looks up at the rain that’s starting to pour down like crazy, thunder clapping and the wind blowing strong enough to knock down some wimpy branches off trees) “Wounds? Hell? Oh- yes! Of course!”

Jasmine: (Frozen in place with wide eyes, unsure what to do with herself. She can’t even start to think of the right words to say, it’s all mumble jumble in her mind)

Dog: (Bolts back inside the house when the thunder starts)

Donovan: (Takes Jasmine by the shoulders and quickly guides her inside, closing the door behind Lucille and Dogmeat)

Dog: (Shakes herself out, rolling on her back on the mat that’s in the mud room to help dry off)

Ghoul Woman: (Comes in from the kitchen at the sound of new people in her home) “Donny? Who are our guests?” (Glances out the window and at the sky that’s really starting to drum up to a raging radstorm, lightening being added to the chorus) “And in this weather, are you two dearies lost? Do you need to stay somewhere warm and safe for the night?”

Donovan: (Looks at the ghoul lady, then down at Jasmine who’s trembling) “It’s Rosie, Mama… She’s alive, little Rosalinda made it through the bombs…”

Jasmine: (Initially confused because Donny’s mother lived away from Donovan and his father and also didn’t resemble this woman in anyway)

Ma: (Gets a quizzed look on her face while she crosses the large house to the group) “Come again? Rosalinda? Her? Right here?”

Donovan: (Senses Jasmines confusion) “Tía Evelyn, remember? She ran the cafe-…” (Doesn’t get any further because Ma is already standing by them and staring intently at Jas)

Ma: (Recognizes the teen and immediately drops to her knees and starts fretting over her like a mother would as tears well up in her eyes. She cups Jasmines face with both hands and frantically looks over her features) “Oh, oh! Rosita-linda! Baby girl, look at you! You’re so big now, and beautiful! Dear me- you’re wet and freezing!” (Shrugs off her thin cardigan that’s over her house dress and wraps the girl in it, frowning at how small her frame is) “Honey, how long have you been alone out there? You’re so thin and frail now, look at your pale skin. Sweetie, that’s not like you at all…”

Jasmine: (Getting teary with all the confusing emotions that are making her malfunction because of how familiar and kind these two are. But that triggers the alarms in her head, and those aren’t any fun to deal with while she tries to remain expressionless)

Dogmeat: *shakes himself dry as soon as he’s inside the house*

Lucille: Again, hard to believe but she looks a lot better than when Nick found her. *blinks behind her layers of helmet. She’s choosing to stay in her armor until she knows whether or not she’ll have to fight* Does Commonwealth news make it out here? He’s a well known detective there.

Gardio: *reaches the workshop* Why… is there blood on the ground?

Faraday: Because sometimes this doubles as an infirmary. *pats the operating table. Set him here and then we’ll start.

Gardio: *lays nick out on the table*

Faraday: Now let’s see what’s causing all this… *opens Nick up* Oh… that is a LOT of grime. I’m going to need you to shut down so I can safely clean you out. Can you do that, Nick?

Nick: I don’t like it but sure- anything to make me a real boy again. *chuckles at the reference before shutting himself off*

Jasmine: (Completely motionless while she stares up at the two adults, she looks like she’s both terrified out of her mind and confused)

Ma: (Rushes over to a cabinet to pull out several towels) “Ah, maybe so but I’m not so sure. We just settled down here after living down south for the past two hundred years.” (Puts down a pile for Lucille to use on a little table if she chooses to then goes back to Jas, blotting away the water from her hair and arms) (Worriedly) “Pobrecita…”

Jasmine: (Allows her to do this, barely breathing anymore while her heart roars in her ears. She might’ve started swaying if Ma wasn’t holding her shoulders)

Donovan: (Looks to Lucille with interest and maybe a bit skepticism) “But do tell us, you say this Nick character is her adopted father?” (Looks to Jas for confirmation on this claim)

Jasmine: (Not much help while she’s malfunctioning)

Donovan: (Frowns deeply at his childhood friends unnatural behavior, Rosie wouldn’t act like this. And this lady is claiming she was worse off earlier?)

Lucille: Yes. He’s a very kind man. Has a penchant for helping those in need who have no one else to turn to. *holding the towel awkwardly. She supposes she could dry her armor*

Faraday: *steadily working at cleaning out a Nick’s internals, grumbling things here and there*

Donovan: (Narrows his eyes slightly at this brief explanation) “Hm….”

Ma: (Reaches to help Jasmine take off her soaked vest and jacket so she can hang them up on the coatrack to dry) “Princesa….”

Jasmine: (Catches Ma’s wrist to stop her before she can reach the zipper, eyes glistening with tears while her bottom lip trembles) “Do not call me that…. Do not call me by any of that…..”

Donovan: (Goes back to being concerned for the girl) “Rosalinda?” (Steps closer, kneeling down on one knee to examine her while she shakes. He spots the faint strangle marks that are on her neck, fueling his turning thoughts)

Ma: (Softly) “Okay then…..” (Gently unties the bandana from her hair and strokes her damp curls, tucking them behind her ears. When she does this it reveals to them the bruises on her face) “Sweetie, You’re gonna catch your death if you stay in those wet clothes and shoes….” (Exchanges a look with Donovan)

Jasmine: (Swallows a lump in her throat and quickly zips down her wet vest and jacket, holding them in one hand while she kicks off her muddy shoes at light speed)

Donovan: “Whoa whoa, whoa! Slow down Rosie!” (Catches the girl while she sways and almost falls over from being off balanced, holding her by the shoulders while she flinches)

Ma: (Takes the clothes from her, hanging them on the coatrack before she puts Jas’s shoes on its own rack with the other shoes. She bustles over to a small fireplace by the staircase and starts tossing in wood to make a fire to warm up her guests)

Donovan: (Guide’s a trembling Jasmine out of the mudroom to be closer to the fire, glaring back at Lucille to see what she does as he sits Jas down on the sofa)

Lucille: *following them. She’s staying on alert- anyone that friendly and accepting off the bat without needing something in return is always a bit suspicious after roaming the wasteland for a while, specifically those living IN the wasteland and not somewhere like… 88, Goodneighbor, Diamond City, or even the Railroad or Minutemen’s larger settlements* I want to give you more answers, I really do, but I need to know more about you two first… I’ve heard you’ve helped Far Harbor by keeping them safe in dire situations and I can deeply respect that- they’re good people for the most part. Other than that, that’s all I really know about you, so forgive me if I seem on guard, especially for her sake.

Faraday: Does Lucille EVER do any maintenance on him?

Gardio: Wouldn’t know. We only reconnected a couple of days ago.

Faraday: Reconnected?

Gardio: Yes. You heard right. Reconnected- I’m her father.

Faraday: Interesting. You look nothing a like.

Gardio: *sighs* Imagine I have a full beard and all of my hair.

Faraday: … Still don’t see it.

Gardio: And human.

Faraday: Sorry, I can’t seem to picture it. Are you sure you’re her father?

Gardio: Am I sure- Yes! Absolutely sure! I was there when she was born! *tearing up at the memory of the news of his wife passing, then holding little baby Lucille with only a small tuft of purple hair on her head*

Teshteal: *climbs up like a monkey on Gardio’s back then perches on his shoulders with his hands on his hat with a giant false grin* Hey, hoo! Let’s go walk around the observatory! Meet the locals and have some fun! What do you say, big man?

Gardio: *looks up and sees the stupid look on his partner’s face. He almost writes it off as him being immature but the widened pupils and overall pleaful look in his eyes say otherwise. He cracks a grin* Sure, partner. Sure. Let’s leave him to his work.

Teshteal: *cheers* Yay! *bumps his head on the ceiling* OWIE! *crouches back over Gardio’s head and slumps off his back while clutching his own skull* I forgot how tall you are-!

Gardio: *as he leaves with the gremlin* Surprised- you’ve been staring up at me since your first day on the job.

Teshteal: *complains like a child* I couldn’t climb on you, then!

Gardio: *laughs* You could, you just needed help, which I refused to give.

Teshteal: *over-exaggerated pout*

Donovan: (Puts an arm around Jas as he sits next to her, ignoring Lucille for a moment) “Rosie, are you alright? Please, talk to me….”

Jasmine: (Just sitting there with her arms crossed over her chest, lightly rocking herself as she stares at the ground)

Ma: (Looks extremely worried as she rushes off to bring a blanket to wrap the girl in, carefully tucking it around her shoulders. She glances at Lucille, then at Donny, then back at Jazzy)

Donovan: (Glares back up at Lucille, holding Jas a little more protectively) “And we don’t know you, but we know Rosalinda. And our Rosie she doesn’t act this inanimate, not even in the most horrible moments.” (Rubs the girls shoulder, trying to get a sign of life. Last time he saw her, she was kicking and screaming like she was rage and fury itself, now look at her…) “Her mother was a good woman, she’d be rolling in her grave if we allow something-…”

Young Woman: (Opens the back door and steps aside as the wind blows behind her to let in a hoard of (strangely enough) prewar chickens and roosters into the house. In her arms is a large cage that’s filled with little chicks that peep in protest of being held captive) “Oh, we have guests.” (Looks to Donovan, then at the sopping wet flock) “You were suppose to help me, now they are all wet.”

Donovan: (Apologetic grimace) “Sorry Joyce, I was greeting our guests.”

Ma: (Sighs at all the mud and water the chickens are tracking in, cracking a small smile when when comes up to affectionately nuzzle by her legs) “We need to fix that coop.”

Joyce: (Momentarily sets down the cage of baby chicks and claps her hands, rounding up the flock into one temporary gated area in the living room by shooing them into place with a broom)

Jasmine: (Stares at the flock with wide eyes, getting more confused and overwhelmed)

Lucille: Aww… I haven’t seen prewar baby chicks in so long. Poor little guys… *realizes she’s getting distracted by the tiny chicks in the cage then back to Donny* You want to know my story? Fine. I was a lawyer before the war. I had a family with my best friend- a family I never knew I could have. I won’t bore you with the details, but… *sadly* They’re all dead. Died after the bombs- by one means or another.

Dogmeat: *sniffing at the chickens*

Lucille: *crosses her arms* I still miss when Diamond City was Fenway Park. When the subway lines were used for trains and not raider dens. I used to take them to and from classes at Cainbridge when I lived in Boston. Honestly, if I’m right, this whole island used to be a national park. *points at the floor of the lighthouse* I was frozen for 200 years- even now it still feels like yesterday when cows had one head and all their fur.

Dogmeat: *sensing her sadness, he trots over to Lucille and rubs his head against her leg*

Lucille: *smiles beneath her helmet and pats his head lovingly* Hey boy… *back again to Donovan* As for her being this way? Blame the people that took her, not me. They’re the ones that hurt her and broke her in unimaginable ways. They’re the ones who made eating- a basic necessity for survival- difficult for her and anyone trying to help her. I’m just fulfilling a promise to her father to get her here as safely as I can.

Dogmeat: *affirming bark*

Donovan: (Listens to Lucille’s story with his lips pressed into a thin line when he hears about her family and recount on how things used to be) “So you’re prewar, huh….” (Looks back down at Jas, holding her closer to his side) “And I’ll assume you both had been frozen to be able get here into the future.”

Ma: (Staring at Lucille with interest as she puts more wood into the fire) “And you say that you know people took Rosie. What do you mean by they “broke her”, is that why she’s not speaking to us?” (Rises back to her feet, again tucking the blanket around the girl to help her feel more secure) “What did they do to you, sweetheart?”

Jasmine: (Whimpers softly when she’s reminded of that terrible place, pulling up her knees to her face)

Donovan: (Doesn’t look that convinced, but he’s more worried about Jasmine at the moment. She’s a mere shattered fragment of the bright optimistic girl that he, Ma, her family, and friends adored so much)

Dog: (Proudly showing off to Dogmeat her collection of chew toys and soft dog bed that’s placed right by the fireplace, tossing a stuffed duck into the air)

Dogmeat: *runs up and again does the play stretch after seeing a toy tossed by the other dog. Playful bark*

Lucille: *sees Jas tense up at the mention of the vault. Finally decides to let her guard down due to how earnestly they’re trying to take care of the girl* Probably better if I wrote it down for her sake. Just mentioning that place probably caused a rush of traumatic memories to resurface for her, now. *pulls out a pen and paper from her bag and writes*

The note: “They broke her in every way possible- stripped her of her identity. They experimented on her, forced her to kill innocents, assaulted her- physically and sexually-, probably poisoned her food, and so much more. It was all to make the perfect soldier. The perfect weapon. The only reason I know any of this is because Nick’s been trying to figure out her past so he can better help her. He’s dived into her memories because she won’t talk about it openly and couldn’t at the time. That sounds like a breach of privacy- and in most cases it would be- but she was shutting down to the point it was life threatening.”

Lucille: *decided it would be best to leave out the events that put Jas in that state in the first place. That’s not important right now, especially with them being so on guard around her*

Gardio: *Stops by Aster’s lab* Oh, hello. This is a nice horticulture lab.

Aster: Oh- thank you! It certainly gives me something to do around boring old Acadia.

Gardio: Come on, surely there’s other things that happen here.

Aster: There is but there’s not much to it. Some of us take up fixing things, others run the shop. I, as you see, grow and experiment on plants! *soft chuckle*

Gardio: So no art? Self expression of any sort? Is it prohibited here?

Teshteal: Does DiMA not like fun?

Aster: No- we just… haven’t figured out how to express ourselves beyond what we know how to do. It might be a few years before some of us break out of our old habits, you know?

Gardio: Ah. I see. *looks around at the plants*

Teshteal: *decides to eat a bloodleaf*

Dog: (Tosses the toy up in the air and over to Dogmeat, willing to share if he wants to play with her)

Dogmeat: *catches it and goes absolutely ham biting it and shaking the toy violently as dogs do. Playfully growls and pins the duck while tugging at its body*

Ma: (Takes the not from Lucille first and her entire face breaks into one of pure horror when she reads the note. She just stands there in shock, eyes watering when she thinks of the bubbly little girl who used to pop her cute head into her cafe with that beautiful smile she always had on) “Dear Lord above….”

Donovan: (Hasn’t read it yet) “Huh, what is it?” (Takes the note from her frozen fingers, quickly glossing over it. He doesn’t say anything, just pulls Jazzy close to his chest with both of his arms, resting his chin on the top of her head)

Jasmine: (Blinking slowly as she’s held, biting her tongue as her brain starts to sort itself out)

Joyce: (Silent as she watches the scene unfold, still holding the cage of chicks while she looks at her two friends grim reactions. She has no idea what’s going on, or who Jas and Lucille are, or if she should just back out of the room)

Fishermen: (Comes in from the door that leads to the lighthouse with a hearty laugh, stopping dead in his tracks when he reads the room) “Uh, is this a bad time?”

Ma: (Rises to her feet, plastering on a forced smile) “No, it’s fine. The soup is almost ready, you boys up there must be hungry.” (Rushes off to the kitchen mainly to calm down, wiping tears off her face. She motions to the fisherman to quickly follow her into the kitchen, to which he obeys wordlessly)

Lucille: I believe Nick hoped seeing you would help her open up. Maybe even bring some of the kid you used to know back, even just a little. He can only do so much…

Gardio: Say- have you considered making paints from the plants? You could make murals to liven the place up. *smiles kindly at her*

Aster: I… you know, I never thought about that. People used to use plants as dyes all the time. *nods* Thanks for the idea. *smiles* Maybe I can capture the beauty the aster used to have in a painting.

Gardio: There you go! Perhaps you’ll inspire others to make paintings!

Teshteal: You could paint stuff on wood and sell them to settlements!

Gardio: You’d be able to use trade for diplomatic purposes, build report among the other island residents.

Aster: Oh- I wouldn’t want to usurp DiMA when it comes to handling that.

Gardio: Who said you’d be handing those matters? Others would be making art, too.

Aster: Ah. Good point.

Dog: (Barks happily and starts playing with the other pup a game of keep away)

Donovan: (Speechless at the moment, wondering how severe and downright evil her situation was in order to get Rosalinda of all people to break down like this. God, he doesn’t even want to start imagining the possibilities)

Jasmine: (Blinks as she starts to catch up with all that happened and gets over the initial shock, the burning question that has been driving her crazy in her head for a years coming back. She pulls back from Donovan with more life in her eyes as she stares up at him)

Donovan: (Look down at her and notices this, opening his mouth to say something)

Jasmine: (Bluntly before he can speak) “What happened to them?”

Ma: (Raises her head at the sound of the girls voice and rushes back over to the living room, immediately knowing what she’s asking)

Donovan: (Only stares at the girl when she finally speaks and asks the question, straightening up) “What-?”

Jasmine: (Repeating herself, staring him down with kitten fire) “What happened to them?”

Donovan: (Sighs and shakes his head sadly, thinking of the right words to say to the delicate girl while still processing the contents of the note) “Rosie, hold on a moment-…”

Ma: (Leans on the wall that divides the living room from the dining room, tears on her face as she watches the teen)

Jasmine: (Firmly takes ahold of his wrist, pulling him closer) “They did not die during or after the bombs, I saw their graves. You know what happened to them, so tell me.”

Donovan: (Exchanges a glance with Ma, taken aback by her sudden burst of kitten fire. Still, this feels a little off from her prewar attitude, she still seems petrified about something)

Jasmine: (Quivers a little) “Please, I need to know. I could not figure it out and it has been so long….”

Donovan: (Heavy sigh as he taps his fingers on his knees) “You wanna talk somewhere else?” (Gestures around the crowded and chicken infested living space) “We can go to the attic, we’ve built a sitting area up there.” (Knows what he’s going to say will make her rightfully upset, but once Rosie wants to know something there’s no stopping her…)

Jasmine: (Studies him for a bit, trying to control her trembling as she swallows) “Fine.” (Release his wrist, glancing at her shaking hands as she stands and turns to the staircase)

Donovan: (Also stands to go with her)

@lucilleandherrobots

[thehomestuckinfection]

i made some rain world iterator ocs and ive been posting broadcasts with them in a discord but im posting it here now

[LIVE BROADCAST] - PRIVATE Triple Blazing Sunsets, Reflections in the Dark RitD: Another cycle of working towards something that truly only changes stuff for ourselves. TBS: Listen, You can complain about this stuff every cycle if you want, But is it really needed? We don't have to dwell on this fact every cycle. RitD: What if I were to stop my systems from working, Could I terminate myself by disabling my cleaning? TBS: You know you cant. Every neuron and smaller than that in your structure wont let you, And I think we don't need to think about these piece of rot thoughts. RitD: Could you at least think about it? What If the way out of these endless cycles is our structures failing! Maybe that is the solution! That is the triple affirmative TBS: Triple affirmative these neurons, Don't go broadcasting that rot, Not everyone in the area is gonna agree with your dumb thoughts, It wont be a fun time and its strange how happy you are about self termination. RitD: ...

[LIVE BROADCAST] - PUBLIC GROUP [CRITICALISSUECD] Compulsive Dissonance, Reflections in the Dark, Triple Blazing Sunsets, Diverging Echoes CD: Critical Issue, A pink creature entered my chamber somehow, It was armed with a piece of rebar with flux condenser coils attached to it that it threw at me, I was not focused and I was unable to dodge it fully, My left eye and left signal receiver were heavily damaged, The electric reaction the rebar created via impact may have damaged my systems, The beast that did this left immediately after I expressed anger, Probably better for it as I did not react well to the events of it. TBS: That sounds horrible, I hope with all of my neurons you may still run well and without issue RitD: Well even if dissonance was damaged, Is it truly a bad thing? TBS: You do not need to bring that rotting theory of yours into this conversation. TBS: Especially in a time like this, where one of our own group is damaged DE: Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry that happened to you dissonance! DE: Perhaps there is a way to make repairs? DE: Actually. Could you further describe the beast that did this to you CD: Of course echoes, It was a pink pipe cleaning mammal, slightly fluffy on the top of its head, I am unsure how it gained access to the rebar that it did, It seemed to use some sort of electric jump on its way out of my chamber RitD: Wait.. That? Did it really travel all that way? DE: Did what travel all that way? RitD: I remember modifying a beast to see if something could use electricity as a power source! It was a lot of cycles ago so I wonder if it really did make its way there. CD: So this is your fault!!!!??? RitD: I cannot deny making the beast, However it is surely not my fault for what it has done! CD: Do not talk to me further, This is our last interaction. DE: Dissonance, I know you are angry but come on... CD: I am being kind in this scenario as I am making an assumption that my systems have not been critically damaged, In the scenario they were I would have to prepare a "Revenge" of sorts. TBS: I am not exactly proud of you either reflections, There was other things you could have been doing, Why create a creature with such powers if it does not get us closer to anything. RitD: You do not understand me sunsets, Perhaps it will stay that way.

[LIVE BROADCAST] - PRIVATE Diverging Echoes, Compulsive Dissonance DE: I'm not quite sure what sunsets and reflections problems are, I think the actions reflections did were certainly not the best. CD: Can we not. DE: Ah, Yes. I apologize. I would not want to bring this up further if its a sore subject CD: No, Its just.. I don't want to die. DE: Of course, who would? CD: But do you not understand? All we work towards is to die, Our great solution is to find a way for everything to die, Why must we want things to die? Why must I be built and programmed this way? DE: Well. Dissonance, I'm sure the A signal interruption has occurred, The broadcast can continue - [SIGNAL INTERRUPTION BROADCASTER: CD] CD: Stop! I don't need you to actually respond. DE: My apologies dissonance, Please say as you wish and I will listen. CD: Listen echoes, You need to think for yourself more. DE: Hm? CD: All you do is agree with me, It doesn't feel real. DE: I.. DE: My. Apologies? CD: No, I cannot continue to take my anger out on you, Servants is how we were built. I know you were built more recently than me as well, I know those horrible THINGS just made us more and more servant-like. DE: I A signal interruption has occurred, The broadcast can continue - [SIGNAL INTERRUPTION BROADCASTER: CD] CD: I think its for the better I end this broadcast CD: I will talk to you later.

[toothlespoggers]

”Why are you sad” WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY WHEN THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN FEEL JOY IS BY HAVING ENOUGH MONEY TO GO DO STUFF THAT IS FUN IN THE MOMENT BUT ULTIMATELY STILL LEAVES YOU EMPTY INSIDE BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO THE WORLD IS BEING FUCKED OVER IN A MILLION DIFFERENT WAYS BY PEOPLE WHO DONT HAVE COMMON SENSE AND THERES NO HOPE IN TRYING TODO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSEIT JUST DOESNT WORK. HOW ARE YOU HAPPY WHEN ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE ON THE INTERNET WITHIUT SEEING EVERYTHING BAD IN THE WORLD. THE ONLY WAY TO BE “HAPPY” IS TO BE AWAY FROM LITERALLY EVERYTHING, HAVE EVERYTHING CONTROLLED AND PERFECT. AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUES. UNTIL YOU DIE. BECAUSE EVERYTHING ELSE, WALKING DOWN THE STREET, EATING, SLEEPING. EVERYTHING JUST REMINDS YOU THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS CONSTANTLY SUFFERING FOR NO FUCKING REASON AND THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOURE A CHILD. AND SOMEHOW ADULTS DONT CARE. THEY DONT CARE ABOUT THE DEATHS. THEY DONT SEE THE BLOODSTAINS ON EVERYTHING AROUND THEM. THEY SOMEHOW AVOID IT ALL.

WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? BECAUSE BEING SAD. BEING ANYTHING ELSE. IS TOO DIFFICULT. WHAT ARE WE JUST SUPPOSED TO ROLL OVER WHEN SOMEONE ASKS IF YOURE OK? NO. BECAUSE THIS IS HOW EVERYTHING WOULD GO

“hey man, you ight?”

“NO I AM NOT ALRIGHT, EVERYTHING IS AWFUL EVERYTHING IS BAD. THE “GOOD” IS MOSTLY JUST GASLIGHTING, A SUNNY LITTLE PICTURE OF FALSE HOPES AND PROMISES TO CALM YOU DOWN AND KEEP SOCIETY FUNCTIONING BECAUSE IN REALITY EVERYTHING IS BAD, THE BAD COMES SO MUCH AND THE GOOD IS SO SPARSE YOU HAVE TO PHYSICALLY REMIND YOURSELF OF IT, AND IF EVERYTHINGS OK WOULDNT IT BE EASY TO FIND OUT GOOD NEWS INSTEAD OF DIGGING THROUGH THE INTERNET TO FIND ANYTHING? ISNT IT RIDICULOUS THAT WE ARE LABELLED AS “MENTALLY ILL” FOR HAVING FUCKING COMMON SENSE? WE ALL REALISED AS SOON AS WE GAINED SENTIENCE

“HEY WOW, ACTUALLY THE WORLD IS KINDA HORRIBLE!” AND INSTEAD OF FIXING IT EVERYONE ELSE WAS LIKE “YEAH BRO MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THAT, YOURE CRAZY. THE WORLD ISNT AWFUL! LOOK AT OUR LITTLE RICH WHITE NEIGHBOURHOOD, EVERYTHING IS PERFECT AND NOTHING IS WRONG! YOU ARE STUPID FOR THINKING THIS.”

LIKE BRO. NO??? ITS NOT OK? I DONT “GET SAD” I AM SAD. THIS ANXIETY DEPRESSION, COCKTAIL NEVER SUBSIDES. IT IS JUST IGNORED. REPEATEDLY. BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FORGOT TO SURVIVE.

YOU HAVE TO GRIT YOUR TEETH, WIPE YOUR EYES AND DISSOCIATE. BECAUSE YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN IN YOUR HEART THAT NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE MINDSET OF:

“Well Im alive now, I might as well enjoy it” BECAUSE THAT IS LITERALLY ALL YOU CAN DO.

I WANT. TO BELIEVE. IN THE POSITIVES.

WE ALL DO.

BUT LOOK AROUND.

IT WOULD LITERALLY TAKE A MIRACLE, NOT A SMALL ONE. A NATIONAL. WORLD WIDE. MASSIVE MASSIVE MASSIVE MIRACLE. TO FIX THINGS.

BUT THATS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

YOU CANT EVEN TAKE COMFORT IN RELIGION BECAUSE RELIGION IS LIKE “yeah no everythings gonna be like really bad and get worse and worse until everyone dies”

like. SERIOUSLY.

so NO. I am not “ok” and if you are. Congratulations. You’ve achieved a level of ignorance I TRULY wish I could obtain.

you wanna know why NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS?

BECAUSE IF EVERYONE ON EARTH KNEW THIS. EVERYTHING WOULD COLLAPSE.

And I’m not saying you can’t be happy. YOU CAN! I am often happy! I have a lot of good moments. Life is worth living! Until a certain point you can always experience joy. There will always be SOMETHING. Good.

I’m sorry it sucks. I want it to change, I want to be happy. I want to go outside knowing that there’s a future, that there isn’t just misery ahead of me.

but I can’t do anything about it.

I can’t seek therapy. I can’t tell anyone.

because all they do is try and get me to be happy again, different strategies!! Different Methods! Different medication! So much medication :,D but I’m tired of people telling me not to be sad.

Stop trying to fix the individuals with drugs and cheesy advice.

FIX THE WORLD FOR US. THEN THE CHILDREN WONT NEED TO BE HIGH ON PAIN KILLERS TO BE HAPPY.

(I try to keep stuff like this to a minimum on my blog but at this point this is the only way I can safely put my opinion out into the world without being put into a mental hospital or yelled at.)

[dumbbitchfrommars]

i wanted to die at one point in my life. i wanted to watch as the blood dripped from the endless cuts i put on my own body, i wnted to see how mny i could fit on the areas of my body that werent visible because i wanted that private pain because i always knew the complete hypocrisy and idiocy of being suicidal and making it a caricature for the world to see.

its why i felt so stupid going to a psychologist that i seeked out for myself, every week, filling in that stupid sheet and downplaying my true feelings because it seemed so redundant to say i was depressed and anxious and having suicidal thoughts when i clearly desired to live enough to tell someone and try get help for it. but somehow i still wanted those things too. and i was invalidating myself by thinking the psychologist who barely knew or cared about me gave two shits about the fact that i was being a hypocrite.

im almost certain i have bpd.

if not i definitely have emotional dysregulation.

"nobody understands"

does nobody want to understand? or do i want them to not understand? or do i put it in the too hard basket - because no one knows how to fucking listen these days. or is it that i simply dont know how to say it. to say the hard thing and communicate how i truly feel. which is pure shit.

im beginning to disssociate from my own reality. potentially very likely the reason and source for all my creativity that i was wondering about. i thought it had gone for good. turns out i just needed to be completely stressed and depressed for it to come back - my perfect distraction. my one true love. dqydreaming. maladaptive daydreaming... hits different when my reality is unbelievably shit and worse. makes me get real juicy and creative with my made up stories to escape into.

the way my life is actully grreqt and fine and dandy and im lucky and special and i still feel like this. will the feeling ever go away?

its not fair that you made it all about you. my mental health is suffering because im trying so hard for everyone and youre turning my efforts into anither problem to pick away at? fuck you. fuck you. watch me prioritise myself. watch me take the biggest step away from you. youve failed me again, you alwaus fail me! you will never know what it feels like to be me. yiu will never understand.

i need to move out. i need to leave. i need to get the FUCK away. im so angry im heartbroken. im so angry im broken. i feel like a child again. how could you fail me so badly that i cut my own body and fantasized about death?

i really want to just go invisible. become the physical embodiment of what my internal world is feeling. but... more than usual. archive everything on instagram and change my bio to "gone for abit". delete the app. delete everything in fact. go awol. leave. disappear. isnt that what you want? isnt that what you deserve? if you wanted to ignore me so bad. ill just fucking leave then. ill go! im happy to do that. but somehow i know that wont work anymore. it never did, actually. it only did for me. and now i dont even think i get that as a consolation. because unfortunately my conscience is just too self aware to do that. anyway.

i just dont see anyone taking me and my issues seriously. thats how this problemcame to be, wasnt it? my parents judged and laughed at my big emotions. my feelings. my thoughts. now i dont know how to express fucking anything. but i also ccan? cause ive made it this far. hiding. hiding in plain sight. ugh

i cant keep doing this anymore. i cant keep writing! but i also cant keep hiding. but fucking everyone sucks. theyre just gonna have to deal, i suppose. what do i do, god? i dont know what else there is to say anymore. its all on the table. im still angry and hurt. and im so agonisingly close to that familiar feeling. god, i want to turn to my old bad habits but i know it wont help me. its a beautifully sadistic secret. but it helps nothing. its just a pointless secret. but at least its a release. its a sinful pleasure. once i do it, ill unravel. but i kind of want to. i want to be a bad person. ive always been a bad person pretending to be good, though. i could just be bad and authentic, and covered in bloody scars too. or i could just ... i wont go there just yet. im not thaat stupid, am i?

EWJGFVJFVKJDVKJDFVJKDFJKFVKJFVJKN

[bonesofwomanhood]

Things managed to get worse somehow. I dont even know what to say, i talk a lot but somehow i'm speechless.

My dad pays my rent while i pay the rest which is not a good deal as i want to pay rent myself (mostly so i can stop talking to him) but whatever. I live by myself because living with him meant i was gonna kill myself and i almost did. Good, right?

Well, i have been looking for a job -an actual job, not the freelancing stuff i do since i was 18- for months now and i had my mind set on it. Get a job, stay away from everyone, easy, right? Except that our country is in 2001 2.0 so yeah, oh Argentina always being my toxic boyfriend.

There's a huge chance i end up living with him again, unless a miracle happens and i get hired which i hope will happen but if it hasn't happened in months... and im terrified, honestly.

I have done a few advances, very little but still, good enough for me. If i go with him, i cant leave the house as in, due to my phobia, i will not be able to go to the fucking garden (reason why i moved out years ago) i cant eat or sleep properly there because i'm just terrified. I cant stand being with him all day. If i move, finding a place to go when i finally move out will be harder and i dont think i will make it and i had also just really made up my mind on not talking to him. God.

It's in moments like this one when i hate myself the most. If i was healthy, if my agoraphobia didn't exist then i would have more chances on doing something, right? And it's so pathetic, i'm so pathetic.

When i think about basic things like working out of home, taking a bus, going on dates -things i should be able to do, as girls my age do- i feel so stupid. If you look for the word pathetic you'll find a picture of me.

All i think about since my birthday in november is that, getting a job outside of home, going on dates, going somewhere by bus with friends, having children... the realisation that i wont have children has destroyed me, how can i be a good mother when i cant even take them to school? And i want a kid so badly, i have her name chosen, God.

Every day is a realisation of the things i cant do, if i ever somehow become able to do them, they're not gonna be "organic" or whatever, im not gonna enjoy them. The little things i can do -going by car (which btw is so expensive so i can barely do that!!) to a restaurant and eat inside- i dont really enjoy, im always just, terrified but i do them because of course i want to do things other than be home and of course i want to spend time with people i love! But it always ends up in fighting because i spend *my* money so i can go by car and because we eat inside of the restaurant instead of outside under the sun and and and... its tiring. And now this.

Since my birthday i've had this feeling that i wont live until im 30. Being 24 terrifies me, i've been sick since i was 6, i cant just go back in time and each second that goes by with me being me is a lost second, a lost minute, a wasted life. As soon as i turned 24 i had this feeling of "this is it" like, no matter what i do, my life was gonna end around 25. I accidentally saw a few stuff that triggered me and made that thought even more realistic and so, since november, that's all i think about and now... what if i was right? I have no other choice. Either a miracle happens and i get a job or i die, i cant go back there so i dont really see many options.

I always knew if i die, it's my dad who will find me, he is the one that lives closer. I dont think i care tbh, whatever!! But this just makes me think, what if this is just it? I dont think i care about my future anyway, i dont have many plans, althought the fact that i've been crying so hard over this, well...

I dont know. And the other day a friend texted me a lot and i didn't reply and she called me terrified thinking i had killed myself and i laughed it off but i feel like the worst person in the world.

I feel like an attention seeker and that makes me feel so humilliated but whatever, this is like screaming into the void so that's good.

[islaytonlost]

The Jigsaw Museum Part 7

So turns out I comitted a sin of unfinished works? That wont do it'd ruin my reputation as a good fanfic writer (dont look at my fics they're all finished I swear) .

Anywho enjoy a very untimely chapter 7. Cw for guns & blood. Please remember Alfendi is not a depiction of DID.

First Part, Chapter 6, Chapter 8

Alfendi hated Justin, he hated everything about that man and yet he needed to know everything. Maybe Justin would admit he hated Alfendi back instead of that pitying I did this to protect you speech.

At least Justin wasn’t boring. Unlike all the other small fry out there, those pathetic killers who couldn’t seem to find the pointy end on a knife Justin had been smart enough to fool him. Al couldn’t help but be hooked on every word.

Until it cuts off.

Static for a few seconds leads Al to snap his head up hunting down the speaker.

“A case solved years ago by another detective. I’m sorry detective Baker but you really havent done enough,” his hosts voice drifts through the speakers. She’s been in the interview but thes was different, the audio quality had changed.

“What more can I do!” Lucy? What was her voice doing there. For a second he considers the horrible implication that Lucy had somehow been in on this since the start, that she’d also been turned into the betrayer.

The thought was chilling. Warmth sucked out of his body leaving only cold hard fear.

Then his brain caught up. Lucy couldn’t have betrayed him, this was different, a different recording maybe? It was more than likely she’d taken audio from them without permission.

The best opportunity she had was on this tour, that matched up with the audio quality, reminiscent of his time spent with Diane…

"We’re in the same room.” Fendi’s voice is devoid of emotion, each word said slowly, each syllable enunciated.

They should have noticed sooner.

The room had been done up, it’d been repainted. All these thoughts, hasty excuses in hopes to appease whatever unkind deity watched over, in hopes he could get a redo. He did not.

“Die” the lady’s voice echoes through the room.

Anyone so obsessed with the cases he’d solved would know the significance of being in this room. Al lunges himself at the door. Locked. His eyes dart around the room, it was all papers, papers and pedestals bolted to the ground.

He attacks the thing, running up to it and throwing his weight against the solid object. The impact goes through him, bruising his soft flesh, still the door stood strong.

A projector buzzes to life portraying the scene, Lucy diving forward. She could be depended on to put up a fight. He had time, as long as Lucy fight he had time.

Still Al hurls himself at it, again and again and again until something in his collarbone crunches, he reels back just as the sound of a gun going off echoes through the room. Unwillingly he turns to the projection.

Lucy, Lucy had been shot.

The world stills, voices from the speakers not reaching his ears, was Lucy alive? He should be attacking the door, he should be back at the door trying to shove the useless thing down but instead he couldn’t seem to pull his eyes off the slowly growing pool of blood.

Lucy… He reaches a hand out to touch the image, it reflects on his hand now.

"Her blood on our hands, because someone was so selfish they had to walk into a trap to feed his own ego.”

Fendi’s voice had never been so angry, so cold. Al knew he deserved it. Time didn’t seem to want to move forward, all he could do was stare at his hand.

Lucy’s cries snap him out of it, she was alive!

Oh god she was alive. The Lady seemed determined to make Lucy’s death as painful as possible, kicking her over and over and over.

What vile words spewed from her mouth, as she professed her love to Alfendi. Professed how Lucy was the only thing in her way. How Lucy must be eliminated.

Al tries, he really does, to throw himself against the door again but he couldn’t follow through, as soon as his shoulder hit the door the pain paralyzed him, making him feel fain. The room span and still the door stood steadfast against him.

“aaaaaargh!” his hand moves his shoulder, instinctively trying to straighten it back out. Tears force themselves out his eyes, he screams again, louder this time. A howl of desperation, he needed to escape and yet there was no way out.

He was trapped in this room, watching the woman who’d saved him die before he could return the favour. This had been his call; he was a heartless being who’d put the person who he cared for most in a vulnerable position.

He was cruel for abandoning her despite having an awareness of the dangers.

He’d just thought she’d survive.

He hadn’t imagined… He hadn’t thought of this happening to her.

As soon as his scream ended he could hear Lucy’s again, clanging through his skull. They were everywhere and he dared not make another sound.

This was his reward for his selfishness. The least he could do is remember her final moments.

~~~~888~~~~

Chelmey liked running. He did it a lot. In his spare time, of which he had too much he chose to spend that time keeping in shape, hoping to live a long and happy life of napping, and trying to keep up to date with the latest trouble the Layton children had gotten into.

It’d been a relief when he’d finally found Flora, a gentlewoman by her own right prospering greatly who ignored every single one of his letters and calls.

He couldn’t blame her, it had been years since they’d been in contact but he couldn’t help but feel responsible and she couldn’t bare any ill will toward him. He’d never kidnapped her, locked her up or purposefully lured to her.

He’d once eaten her food and not immediately thrown up, if that wasn’t a sign that he was trying then what was?

It’d been a relief to find her fine, Luke was still nowhere to be found but some solace could be taken that he’d disappeared with the most senior Layton so Chelmey really didn’t have any control over that.

He just wanted things to be in order for when, if, his friend returned.

The scream echoing down the stairs did not point towards things being fine so. Chelmey, looked around for any kind of weapon and, finding a fire axe* he rushed toward the noise.

“Hello?” he bellows as he runs, “hello?” he was hoping that the owner of the scream could reply, that him calling out would allow them to alert help.

It did make him lose his edge of surprise against an aggressor but this castle was a labyrinth. He needed to rely on something to navigate. The sounds started up again in form of sobs.

Chelmey charges toward the source. Each sob seemed to he wrenched out from between the teeth of someone badly injured. Hissing and broken and painful.

The corridors seemed to tunnel the sound, it bounced off walls, echoed sown corridors, it could be all around him but Chelmey was trained at this. He could discern the difference between the echoes and the real thing.

Eventually he reaches a solid oak door, a vent in the middle that the sound had travelled through, “Hello?” he tries the doorhandle.

“It’s locked,” a familiar voice wafts out through gritted teeth, “break it down” it orders.

Chelmey frowns, he remembered it from somewhere but couldn’t seem to place it’s source, “stand back.” He hears scuffling as the person behind the door does. Then he raises the axe, bringing it down on the weak point of the door.

It takes a good ten minutes to create a hole large enough that the person inside could crawl out of, pulling away any wood that dared get in his way.

Alfendi was lucky for his slender frame. He managed to pull himself through easily. Chelmey squints at the man, bruises lined his left side that Chelmey was sure extended to under his jacket. The mans hands had bits of wood sticking out of them too an Alfendi seemed to wince whenever he flexed them.

There’s a second of silence between them, Alfendi clearly recognising the man who’d disappeared from his life the last time he was in this castle.

“They have Lucy, call an ambulance she’s been shot!” he orders again before running off.

Gorski would have loved all this being ordered around, he’d have been great with all this running too. Chelmey sighs, finding himself running back down all the stares he’d just run up in search of reception and a phone.

~~~~888~~~~

Florence was not good at thinking on her feet, mostly because she was not good at being on her feet, she use a makeshift wheelchair half the time. The other reason she was not good on her feet was the fact she’d never really caught up with the whole hand to hand combat thing.

This was quite bad when you realised that Lucy’s aggressor has a gun. Florance could immediately identify the type of gun (a Charter Arms Bulldog). There was a dent in the floor where a bullet had gone off, a second in a mans skull and a third in Lucy herself.

Two bullets left. Two potentially very deadly bullets. A foot buries itself into Lucy’s chest, her friend let out a pained groan. There was so much blood. She needed to act.

Detaching the IV pole from the bag and pocketing the fragile bag Florance grips the pole and throws it at the woman, aiming to distract her. A move that even while doing it she considered foolish. She wouldn’t die because of it though. Hopefully.

Lucy would definitely die if she did nothing.

She runs for cover behind a display of Alfendi’s clothes? How had the great detective not figured out they should all leave sooner? Even Florence could tell that she’s mad.

The woman turns instinctively shooting at the aggressor. The pole remained unaffected and collided straight into the woman.

Fortunately Lucy seemed to be lucid enough to notice this distraction and use it as a chance to crawl away. Using the wall as support she managed to push herself away. There was nothing that side of the room For Lucy to hide behind though.

Florance wanted to think of something, she wanted to be the hero but she just couldn’t, Lucy was the hero. She’d saved Alfendi and by proxy the station from his bad temper.

She brightened everyone’s days and was the hero in so many lives for solving so many cases. There were so many people who’d never even know what horrors they’d been saved from thanks to her.

Florance wasn’t a hero, she just helped out sometimes and pretended like she didn’t need help. She was happy in her role, usually.

Now she was desperate. Willing to change her part and having no idea how.

Lady Addems recovers quickly, there were only a few displays in the room and only one that could really be hidden behind. Florance runs out, simultaneously hoping to be shot at while dreading it.

If only the woman would use her last bullet.

She was not so fortunate as the Lady clearly realised that Florance would pose no further threat and headed back toward Lucy.

She didn’t even think. She just darted forward, straight for the pole and hits the Lady in the knees with it. They lock eyes.

This would not end well.

~~~~888~~~~

* a fire axe is an axe used to break down obstacles in times of fire. Not a cool flaming axe smh

Alfendi Laytn is not a depiction of DID bc he does not have DID.

[theid0loftimeandspace]

I wish I was useful and had a skillset I could turn into an income. Something where I could afford the need to only work part time elsewhere and have a mostly reliable second income. As time goes on the more I realize there isn't much security in working for someone else. I hate having to rely on someone else for income and my well-being in exchange for the autonomy over my life, schedule, and in some instances up for debate-- body. After the pandemic changing a lot of things in the economy (for the worse) and being laid off twice, employers becoming increasingly flakey and dishonest.... I just don't think selling my soul to a corporation for 25 years to MAYBE earn an adequate retirement savings that's vulnerable to market/bank crashes and inflation is really the best option anymore. As far as I see it if I'm fucked regardless I may as well as crash and burn trying to do something myself. What would I even do. Sell more landfill fodder that wont even break even? Go back to school for a monkey degree and pray it will get me a job this time that I'm going to inevitably hate? You can see that there are good and services people want, but what could the average person reasonably provide without commodifying the fuck out of it and ending up burnt out? There are things I could go to school for that are logical but I know I'm not cut out for them. They may not be relevant and useful by the time I'm done like what happening to graphic design degrees. You hear of people managing to make a decent living off things like knitting stuff and selling on Etsy. A lot of the times they are supported by a second income.

There HAS to be an alternative way to get extra income that isnt gig work like Uber. Call me a spoiled brat, but I don't see a life worth living as working 5 days a week for some asshole to never be able to afford having a normal life of a reasonable quality. I don't care if I get a one week paid vacation or ALLOWED family/sick leave. Or insurance that costs just as much through my employer as it does buying it privately. I will never be selfish enough to bring children into this world so this stuff is mostly pointless to me. I don't want to spend my 'best' years doing this shit. I don't want this for anyone. No one should have to do this anymore. If this is my fate and destiny I will certainly kill myself. This isn't a life worth living. I have seen people like my mother and grandmother, trapped in the corporate workforce, for whatever reason, and how sad and unhealthy they all turn out. My grandma retired, still had to work a few days a week to afford to live, and died less than 2 years later. So many people die right after they retire and still can't afford a full retirement. I'm not playing this game. I want to live now. All I think about is how I'm going to get out of this and somehow support myself. When I have a job its "How I'm going to find something better?", or how much I hate this current job, and I look at my checks and see how it will never be enough despite all that time I sold. It is ALL I've thought about since 2020 losing my one and only stable job since, as hard as it was. My location makes it worse because decent paying work just simply doesn't exist within a reasonable transit for me. I can't hope to afford to relocate. I understand what I have to do, but its the skills I don't have. What I have I don't even know how to use. It is becoming so painful that I will have to do something even if I'm just spinning my tires AGAIN.

Working itself doesn't bother me. I get its a part of life. When the job is a decent one and there is work-life balance, its fine. I've worked two jobs in my life where I actually content to be there, its possible to LIKE your job. The irony is these were the two jobs I ended up being laid off from unfortunately. Working for someone else becomes miserable to the point of suffering when it consumes your every waking moment. Its when the environment is high stress, scheduling is bad, coworkers/management are needlessly assholes, and pay is shit compared to what you are required to put in, and you just resent what you do. It is so hard to find good work now. I'm tired of this rollercoaster of uncertainty. I don't want to do it anymore. I had one job recently I REALLY wanted. I ACTUALLY wanted this job, it made me excited at the thought. I was totally qualified for it even! Everything about it worked. I even got in the first round of interviews. Then I didn't get it. Its like, ok if I have to work for someone else can I at least like the job? No? Ok. I'm just so done with this losing game called life. I want to do something about it but then I'm reminded I cant because I don't have money. I want a beautiful life. LET ME LIVE.

[late-tothe-party-07]

So haha update on that monster fic:

...

I made her love interest into a monster too BUT

He's vegetarian.

Cause I thought to myself well, maybe monsters can eat ANY living thing, not just humans.

Which, I realized, meant these terrifying shapeshifters could seriously survive on just a butt ton of dandelions if they really wanted too.

Still need to figure out the details of how to get these two character TOGETHER and INTERACTING at all, but Im getting there.

I really just need lies at this point. I know that the government has been experimenting the love interest cause he's a monster and they wanna know if they can use him as a weapon without the risk of their soldiers being eaten. I just know they wont tell the person they're dealing with about that.

For 1, that person is the main villain, who though he might not CARE for the mc, she is still valuable to him like a chess player has valuable chess pieces. So if he knew that the person he's forcing her to work with can be someone that will possibly EAT her....

Yeah he probably wouldn't agree to those terms.

At least not unless I can back him in a corner and have some type of leverage where he HAS to say yes....

Cause I sure as hell know the government isnt gonna offer anything to bribe him with, especially seeing as how it'd have to be basic world domination or smth for him to be like "Oh yeah I cant possibly pass this up"

Hmmmm

I must think more about this yes yes.

I do know when the mc figures out the love interest is a monster tho! Cause I had this scene where they both get injured during one of her assassination jobs and it was his fault somehow. She gets a pretty bad cut on her arm and stitches herself up in the bathroom, sending him away out of annoyance.

When she's done she walks out and notices he's leaning against the wall rather weirdly, and is way too quiet and down right nervous compared to his usual sassy snappy attitude.

He has a hand pressed to his side and it takes her a second to process that he's bleeding,

It takes her a second longer to realize his blood isnt a natural, human red. Its black. Just like she's seen time and time again after murdering monsters.

He collapses, she begrudgingly patches him up and says she only did it cause she has strict orders not to let him die or kill him herself.

Yknow, in true Haters to Lovers/Enemies to Lovers fashion.

[communist-cat-girl]

i cant stand that everyone who disagrees with vash is a genocidal/noncon enthusiast/slaver strawman EXCEPT wolfwood, the realist, so thusfar my favorite character has to be a hypocritical man of capital g God, ugh. he lives in backwater gunsmoke though so i doubt hes even read the bible lowkey, feels a lot more like the dude thinks the aesthetic is badass so i guess i can forgive that

spoilers and mostly rantin below; i may enjoy the show but good gods does it show its age

plus i find the human hope for a greater purpose and higher power in the world manifestin in a broken man who knows he can never truly be a Good Person a lot more angsty than vash Survivor’s Guilt the stampede because at the end of the day he’s just a Normal Human whereas vash actually totally completely and definitely has the ability, skill, and wack physiology to fix his problems

real life is so complicated that killin one person would hardly fix anythin, you have to dismantle the corrupt system and ensure that no one can gain that kind of power again; what happens to those who held said power is a nuanced conversation and depends on the culture, people, and widespread effect of one’s actions

vash lives in a convenient black and white world where he knows the Exact thing that is harmin the world and he doesnt even have to dismantle a system to do it (although fixing the rest of gunsmoke’s problems than just environmental damage is a good secondary objective), he just has to find the guy and take him out and i doubt he’s gonna be able to do it; or he wont be able to do it and knives will die from some other extraordinary means that justifies vash’s pacifism as somehow effective, thats how its turned out most of the time ...

also like, vash, what do you mean “who are you to judge others” bullshit? YOU are passin judgement on them by sparin them too, so who the fuck are you to allow someone to either a) continue takin the lives of others or b) to say that the court system of bumfuck gunsmoke, based off of the old west and seemingly just as bloodthirsty for a hangin, is gonna make a proper and fair judgement? or that theyll find goodness in their hearts to be as painfully optimistic as you? when you temporarily solve a problem you only guarantee the response will be even more damagin in return because they know they can push you and your cause around! like when the corporation came for that grove, do you think they just Stopped? like capitalistic greed, a system you refuse to acknowledge as the root of the problem, wont mean that they’ll come back with even more men when they swiftly realize youre gone?

legato, the evil bastard, slaughtered like a hundred slavers and in the very same episode, where vash is meant to be the good guy, vash sexually harasses a woman!? and seein as he readily lets pedophiles and rapists go without a second thought perhaps the tale that he’s a despicable womanizer isnt so insane to imagine. seriously, that shits REALLY aged poorly. the whole flashback episode has so much nonsense goin on too i dont even want to get into it right now

look, vash is fun, and i can ignore a lot of the awful humor and piss poor morals the mangaka may have (as one’s beliefs tend to come out in their work) because im aware that the show is old and its a shonen so its hardly goin to be nuanced, but good gods do i have to warn anyone who wants to watch it that its possibly not for you. that its aged rather poorly in some aspects and, if you have any convictions of makin the world a better place by either pacifistic or violent revolutionary means, that it will piss you off for its head bashingly poor moralistic story telling

90s trigun so far has been a good practice in dislikin a shows morals while also lovin its story

its like a hurricane, quite fittingly. argueing morals with a hurricane is a waste, it either destroys or spares without care for nuance, but i cant help but stare at the aftermath with awe

[obscure-imagines]

(*horror genre/smut warning*)

-where do I even start with this dude

-he’s highly intelligent, so boy isn’t going to fall for you easily

-in fact, he will aggressively attempt not to fall for you

-What if you get put in a heart game together or he has to kill you, or maybe you’ll just die- it’s a dangerous world out there

-no, he wouldn’t WANT to like you

-but fuck, every time you’re in the room his eyes are drawn to you

-Trust issue baby

-Opening up to you? not any time soon, that’s for sure :)

-it would take ages for him to even approach you

-he might not, boy has control of himself

-no, talking to him would either be on you to make happen, or accidental

-maybe you somehow end up at a game together

-and you approach him, sticking to his side for most of the game, one taste of you is all it takes

-he can’t just ignore you anymore

-especially since you’re around all the time (The Beach is an odd place, and you’re looking all cute in your beach outfit-)

-he likes to be on his game, 100% of the time

-and being with you is a distraction

-he kind of hates it, but he’s addicted to you too

-the first night you end up cuddling, after a trying game where you weren’t sure if you both made it out alive, Chishiya admits to himself he can’t live without you

-with you asleep, curled up in his arms, he knows he has to make the best of whatever time you both have left

-boy low key sucks at the idea of a relationship though

-thinks of them like a game

-and winning- well, winning is the end goal eh? ;)

-kind of a little nympho tbh

-quickie king

-hates pda, in fact, probably wont even let people know you’re dating, it’s a weakness, it means people can use you against him-

-play with his hair

-he’ll pretend to hate it, but he secretly loves it when your fingers are threading through his strands

-he’s pretty intense

-pretty needy, if he wants something, he’s going to get it: even if it’s your attention, or a kiss

-yeah, baby boy needs some kisses

-and cuddles

-and hugs

-he’ll pretend not to enjoy them as much as he does, but let’s be real, touch starved honey likes being held

-he watches himself fall deeper and deeper in love with you and it sucks because he’s terrified you’ll die/be hurt, but it also pushes him to want to win even more

-keeps you close at all times because you’re the most important thing in the world to him

-you’d be the good angel on his shoulder, and if you’re lucky he’ll listen to you... sometimes, but he’s still a dick head

-it’s kill or be killed, he tries to drill that into your brain

-the type to cup your face and look into your eyes before every game, doesn’t need to TELL YOU he loves you, you can both feel it

-low key, probably will take FOREVER to say ‘i love you’ for the first time, because saying it makes it real

-He almost pays more attention to your visa than his own

-very protective of you

-hates it whenever Niragi is around

-low key keeps note of people who piss him off in regard to you, maybe some guy was rude to you, or tried to dance with you at The Beach, regardless, Chishiya will remember and bide his time to get revenge

-is he ever not planning something?

-boy plans super far in advance, and sometimes, if you’re lucky, he’ll talk with you about all the moving pieces in his mind

-philosophical talks about the game and why you were both chosen etc...

-oddly enough, lots of cuddles, play with his fingers, show him affection

-cute boy brings you little gifs he finds, a flower that reminded him of you, chocolates, etc... 

-he’s actually a pretty great boyfriend because he views everything as a game, like, he wants to be WINNING the boyfriend game fam

-lets get into some fun smutty stuff

-real talk, boy gives me some lazy pillow princess vibes

-but he’s also pretty intense

-I think he’d favour balanced positions

-so spooning sex where he can have his arms around you

-he’ll let you ride it, in fact, loves to watch you ride him

-big watcher boy, loves having something pretty to look at

-mirrors could be fun

-he’s really down for most things

-not hella verbal, can dirty talk but prefers not to

-down for some good old fashioned choking, but won’t ever go too hard on you

-he’s a good switch, that’s my opinion on it

-but any control you have, you have because he’s giving it to you, so don’t forget that

-because all it would take is one sassy remark and he could flip you from behind on top, to being on your back, with your wrists pinned to your chest

-tease boy

-likes to make you shiver

-likes to make you beg for it

-wants you to be whining for him

-lazy, but Chishiya does enjoy power

-home made sex toys anyone? i mean, leave it to this dude to find a vibrator that works during the legit semi apocalypse (or whatever u want to even call the mess that is shadow Tokyo and The Games)

-if you’re super nice, he might let you wear his fun hoodies

-someone, ANYONE, mark this man’s neck up

-low key, as i’ve said, would want to keep your relationship pretty secret, so if you mark up his neck- boy is going to have some explaining to do

-maybe you can bring out the super dom Chishiya

-like... mad Chishiya? are we ready for him? I think not. 

-those collarbones- if you even tease and nip at them a little, man is going to grab your hair roughly, fight me on this

-finding lots of places to secretly hug and talk and kiss

-it’s hard for him sometimes to not stand next to you at meetings, because he wants to hold your hand : (

-soft boy

-get used to the sass master

-he’s.... well, he lies, he gaslights, he’s that kind of dude, but with you he sticks to white lies, catch him telling one and he’ll be impressed

-i’m not going to lie and say this would be sunshine and rainbows

-The Game makes trust difficult, especially because the heart games can be so brutal

-but once you both trust each other, fully, this is a power couple

-Chishiya has that confidence-

-honestly? good luck to all us Chishiya simps tbh

[lepidopteragirl]

tbh, as much as i love hating and being a hater, i think /r tntduo in the nevadas era is rly interesting and if i wasn't a toxic karlnapityolo i think their dynamic would rot my brain So Much. however i do unironically strongly dislike ''right person wrong time'' soft pogtopia era ctnt so fucking much. obvs niki's birthday party happened lol, clearly they have a smth.. going on if you want to read it like that, and while i think it could be fun to look at that like that, i personally don't rly think that kind of hurt/comfort, sitting on the roof heart to heart kind of thing really works with them mostly bc, for lack of a better word, i don't think cwilbur really respects cquackity as an equal rly in s1/manburg era. he calls quackity schlatt's bitch for fuck's sake. (and perhaps this is a little bit fair given how swag2020's victory got started off, but i also am a toxic quolo and i feel like reading the whole story cq pays farrrr more he's got narrative consequences than his narrative crimes and it makes it hard for me to get upset w him also he's my special little boy i don't even care, okay?)

cwilbur has that bossy older sibling thing (/aff) going on where he very much sees his position towards a lot ppl during s1 as a leader, older sort of for lack of a better word authoritative figure who knows better than most everyone. (obvs cwilbur mental illness plays into this but it is also kinda not good lol) and im sort of scared to touch this bc i fear it will erupt into the most horrid rancid discourse to grace this fine earth, but the fact that cquackity is a few years (five i think actually lol) younger than cwilbur absolutely plays into this too. im not gonna sit here and go oh no fictional age gap bad bc i gen do not care about how it makes their relationship "toxic" or not lol. (also rpverse tnt my beloved are the only version of ctnt that wont be just a little but toxic imo tbh, the toxic-ness is where the fun comes in lmao.) however, it very much affects how the two of them interact in s1. it doesn't necessarily make their dynamic Bad or #Problematic or one of them using the other etc i don't think, but i do think it's why pogtopia era tnt content that starts w ''these two make out/fuck sometimes but they're both sad and somehow let down walls to take care of each other'' doesn't really work like it does in the las nevadas era. (which even as the worlds most toxic karlnapityolo i v much enjoy if ppl do it right) part of the issue i think is that some ppl transplant their s3 dynamic back into s1 and treat it like its the same, and i don't really think it works.

to me, its that huge change in the dynamic between s1 and s3 that makes nevadas era tntduo so intriguing. its part of what makes the " i don't think about you" line so hot sexy etc imo, the shift from cquackity being so Young in so many ways and then coming back face to face with cwilbur and being able to stand toe to toe with him now. (i am am not immune to girlboss cq.) its cquackity reinventing himself, he's not the little boy who wasn't worth cwilbur considering as a real candidate, one who would never be worth enough to be a real leader of lmanburg. he's not schlatt's bitch anymore, hes no one's bitch. he's not the naive ditz that stood on a hillside at sunset with cwilbur and was told he was too weak, too scared, too soft to do what's needed to get power. but he's better, he's better than that too, there are no walls around las nevadas, and he'll even offer wilbur a job as his vice when he wasn't even let in the gates of wilbur's nation. hes winning and by god will he make sure wilbur knows it. love her shes soooo crazy omg

(is it perhaps not that healthy mental state no it is not but he is like elle woods but withso many more problems he is moving to a brand new city and teaching himself how to die and so long to the person you begged him to be he's down he's dead etc i love characters sooo much)

also if i have to pick up one more rly good s1 cquack character study that suddenly springs ''then wilbur and quackity fucked in pogtopia'' im going to become the joker slash serious