#somehow I didn't want to claim that vocabulary????

[too-many0-0fandoms]

Why am I only now registering that I am in fact disabled??? That I have a chronic illness??? That I am in chronic pain???

Like yeah this is a birth defect that will never go away and will always cause me pain and will always need special pillows and shit to cope with and yeah sometimes I cry because I don't want to deal with this for the rest of my life, but I'm not disabled???!!!

And like yeah this is happens in flare ups and yeah that causes me a lot of discomfort and pain and needs me to always have shorts and a tshirt on hand and yeah it might go away in 7,5-10 years (if I'm lucky), but I don't have a chronic illness?!???!

Why is my brain like this

[mrs-weasley-reid]

SPEED OF LIGHT•••

bau!team x bau!reader

Synopsis: speed is one of the bau team's special skills. Traveling from one state to another, one address to the next, catching unsubs in the blink of an eye. So when one of the members was put in danger, you didn't hesitate to prove that you belonged in the team. WARNING: cursing. silly goofy time with derek and spencer A/N: a short fun blurb

"We'll be there," Spencer flipped his phone, turning to you and Derek with a horrified look.

Derek raised his brows, "What is it?"

Spencer gulped, "The unsub is Mary, and JJ's with her." He couldn't hide the worry in his voice.

You felt the same sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. You had to get there fast, or JJ would be in serious danger. None of you wanted that.

Derek was about to jump on the driver's seat when you stole the keys from his hand. "What are you doing? This is not the time to play games."

"I'll drive, hop in." You stated and claimed the seat, buckling yourself up.

Spencer said your name in panic, "We don't have time for this. We need to hurry!" He argued, all while hopping on the backseat.

You rolled your eyes. Men. You sighed in your head, starting the engine. It was ironic enough how they continued to complain yet still glued their asses on the leather seat of the SUV.

"Then buckle up and shut up. Derek, either you strap yourself on your seat or get out of the car. The clock is ticking." Your voice vibrated authority, which was rare, much less nonexistent in their vocabulary of your personality.

Derek didn't say anything but still reluctantly sat on the shotgun seat. He gave you the address, and as soon as his seatbelt clicked, you slammed the gas pedal.

Their bodies automatically hit the back of their seats. The speed of the black SUV you're in seemed impossible to reach. Its engine growled loudly.

You loved car racing, finding yourself on race tracks every time you had a chance. You loved the high, the thrill of speeding down the asphalt burning at the touch of your tires.

On the contrary, you never drove during cases, letting Derek or Emily or Dave or Hotch or JJ, basically everyone—Spencer was no exception—get a hold of the wheel. They never questioned it, more so, assumed that you were a horrible driver. And maybe your driving skills at the moment would only prove their assumption, but you paid no mind.

Spencer and Derek watched in fear as you earned angry honks from the poor patrons. You had the badge and gun to reason in case any of the civilians had the guts to block you.

You had one mission: get yourselves to JJ's aid, fast.

"W-watch, watch out!" Derek stammered in fear for his life. He had never experienced such speed before, feeling his skin stretched off to the back of his head.

Spencer fell silently dead in the backseat. His skin was pale, lips sealed from utter anxiety. He could feel his stomach dance into knots, mocking him. He gripped his seatbelt tightly, turning his knuckles white. He could've sworn his ass was holding onto his seat.

In a matter of seven minutes, which was supposed to be a normal thirty-minute drive, you parked the car with a screech.

You got out of the vehicle, fishing your gun from your holster. You made your way into position, unbothered by the 150 mph drive.

"What happened to you guys?" Emily hushed at the two gentlemen behind you.

Derek's eyes were watery, and Spencer's hair looked like he just emerged from a tornado.

"Our lives flashing before our eyes," Spencer exclaimed in horror. "You wouldn't know how it feels." He was staring into the distance as if he was watching some kind of horror film on the air.

"Sure," Emily shrugged, "Not like I faked my own death and had a funeral or anything."

Hotch was approaching when Derek and Spencer tiptoed away from Emily. "Did something happen?" He interrogates.

Emily only stared at the two with a weird look, "That's what I want to know too." And your small stature came into her sight, "I think she broke them... somehow."

Derek may have acted cool about the entire thing, but his stomach constantly shrunk, making him gag every three seconds. "I'm never going to complain about your driving," He whispered to Spencer as they settled themselves in position.

Spencer nodded and gulped the vomit he was holding in his throat, prompting Derek to do the same. "Yeah, yeah, me too."

And that day remained a mystery to the entire team... plus you were officially banned from driving.

bau masterlist | masterlist

[mirrology]

Can I ask a boothill with an adopted child/teen reader that's hps (hyper sensitive) and also has parental trauma

(You don't have to do this if you feel uncomfortable 🐧)

ノstar .ᐟ ʚɞ

୨୧ No matter that love's gone, We just see it shining. We've traveled very far, I'll keep a leftover light burning. So you can keep looking up, Isn't that worth holding on? — star, mitski.

boothill & gender neutral reader. platonic | wc: 1.6k

tags/warnings: decided to go with hc's for this one since I didn't know how to write it in fic format T_T. teen reader, reader is a galaxy ranger and really well versed in technology. they can fight pretty well, reader also hates the ipc. boothill is a bad influence. mentioned child abuse, child neglect, reader has a "mom" and acts a little like blade when near her, erm character death (not reader or boothill)

notes: aaaa sorry that this is so late! Hopefully, this is what you meant by "hypersensitive." If not, then just let me know, and I'll change it, ALSO HAPPY PRIDE MONTH

— The two of you met when you were beating up some IPC goons on a planet that they had recently wanted to take over. You had been there gathering materials to set sail to your next destination, you were on the hunt for a certain IPC employee. One who you once knew.

— You couldn't just stand back and watch those IPC scum send that planet into spiraling chaos. So, of course, you beat them up without breaking a sweat. That's where Boothill had found you, he was impressed that someone so young had such skill in combat.

↳ You huffed as the remaining IPC personnel ran away with their tails between their legs. A slow sound of applause came from behind you, causing you to turn around, a deadpan evident on your face. You were met with a man with dual colored hair and what seemed to be a metal body, “I'm not gonna lie, you've got skills, kid.” He had said, a smirk on his face.

— Once the both of you got to talking, he found out you were also a galaxy ranger and that you also absolutely hated the IPC, you both really had many things in common. You had asked him for help in getting to your destination and he agreed pretty easily, claiming that he had “some time to spare”

— Although you had spent little time together, you felt comfortable around him, he never pushed your boundaries or forced you to do things you didn't want to. Boothill’s vocabulary surprised you, instead of cursing normally his words were censored. You would have offered to try to fix his synesthesia beacon, but just the thought of touching someone made your skin crawl. The ghostly touches of people who you once considered family etched onto your skin.

— Once it came to part ways, you didn't want to do so. You shyly admitted to Boothill that the thought of not seeing him scared you a tad bit. He looked surprised but then gave you a bright smile and told you that you could join him on his adventures, and so a strong bond between the both of you was born.

— When Boothill infiltrated the IPC headquarters you're the one who hacked into their system. With your experience, it was relatively easy, although Boothill would not let you go inside with him. He couldn't risk putting you in danger, even though he knows you can put up a fight.

— When the both of you escaped the headquarters after causing absolute chaos, Boothill brought his hand up to your head as he tried to ruffle your hair. He was surprised and slightly hurt when you tensed up and quickly moved out of the way.

— Boothill thought he had made you scared of him somehow, even though you had no reason to be afraid. You noticed his downcast expression and you quickly told him that he did nothing wrong, it was just…

↳ Your heart pounded in your chest, your hands were sweating. You reached up and gripped a strand of your hair in your hand as a sheepish expression painted your face. “I'm not the best with physical touch,” You blurted out, albeit bluntly. “Whenever someone touches me — even if it's just a brush of their fingers, it feels like needles are being stuck into my skin” You huffed, clenching your fist and your eyes downcast. Boothill's expression softened, his once frown lifting into an understanding smile. “Thanks for telling me, bud.” He nodded, his fingers twitching at his side, as if wanting to reach out to you. Yet he respected your space and refrained from doing so.

— Now that Boothill knew about your hypersensitivity he made no attempts to touch you, preferring to give you gifts instead. Whenever you do something that makes him proud as a father would a child; he takes you out to get your favorite food as a treat. Of course verbal encouragement is also a thing he does, giving you a “I'm proud of ya’ kid!” and a pointy grin.

— It's canon Boothill is pretty wealthy from all of those bounties that he hunts and he doesn't exactly know what to do with it. So he definitely spoils you at every chance he gets. Want a nice Keychain you saw in a shop? He's handing it to you right now. How about a nice piece of clothing or a cultural food from the planet that you're visiting? He's got the clothing in a bag and is urging you to try the food.

— Even though you both have your moments of happiness, the both of you still have purposes you stick to. You had gotten a lead on where that person was and you were going to do everything to catch up to them and make them get what they deserved.

↳ “You.” You hissed walking towards the woman in an IPC uniform, kicking another unconscious employee away. You gripped your weapon tightly in your hand, the woman widened her eyes in terror at your sudden appearance, she fell on her bottom, scooting away from you as you approached her. As she backed away she didn't go far, her back hitting a wall not too long after. Your unhurried footsteps resonated through her ears, making her breath pick up as she clutched the dirt underneath her in an attempt to ground herself.

You stopped in front of her, eyes full of unbridled anger. “(N-name)?!” She squeaked, putting a hand out infront of her to reach out to you. “What are.. how are you-” She was cut off as the back of your weapon slapped her intruding hand away. “You don't get to say my name.” You glared at her, your tone icy cold and unforgiving. She tried to speak once more but was once again cut off, “You left me to die! If it wasn't for my quick thinking, I would have been dead by now!” You said in a firm tone and pointed your weapon straight at her, leaving her no room to move or else you would attack.

The woman tensed up and a bead of sweat ran down the side of her cheek, “Honey… I had no choice! You would only weigh me down, you have to understand!” She had the gall to call you “honey” this woman no longer had the honor of doing so. The words stung, even though you no longer felt any affection for her… they brought back memories that you would rather forget. You clenched your teeth and watched as she rambled on and on about how “it was for your own good” and that “you should try to understand her situation” before she would get another word out, you sound your weapon, officially slicing her throat.

The blood splattered onto your stoic face, you watch as she choked on her own blood, eyes wide and filled with panic as if her life was flashing before her eyes… you hope it hurts.

A set of footsteps came from behind you, judging by the jingling of metal and their heavy footsteps you could tell who it was. You reluctantly turned around to meet Boothill's concerned gaze, “Er.. ya’ okay kiddo?” He scratched the side of his face as he pointed out the tears that prickled at the corner of your eyes. You stared at the ground and slowly nodded “I don't entirely hate her, but she didn't deserve to know that… even in her last moment” You muttered as more salty tears filled your vision.

— You and Boothill headed back to your ship, all while you were still occasionally shedding tears. Boothill, seeing the state you were in, offered you a warm, fluffy blanket and a warm drink; hot chocolate.

↳ You sniffled and held the blanket that was over your shoulders to your chest. You were sat on a cushion on the floor of yours and Boothill’s ship, knees tucked towards your chest in an attempt to stop yourself from crying. “Heya kiddo, I got ya’ some hot chocolate…” Boohill plopped down next to you on a matching cushion and held out the mug that was in his robotic hand. His hand was placed below the mug so when you reached to get it, you both wouldn't accidentally brush fingers.

The both of you sat in a pregnant silence and you occasionally sipping on the warm drink provided to you. Boothill stared at you from the corner of his eye, your gaze was focused on the window, giving you the view of the vast space. “She was my mother, you know” You suddenly broke the silence with your blunt words, Boothill’s eyes widened a significant amount, yet you continued.

“Even though she claimed to love me, her actions hurt and her words even more.” You put your mug down beside you and snuggled further into the blanket. The cyborg's face softened into something different, almost sad, distraught. His teeth clenched in anger at the thought of you being hurt by that woman, something ugly bloomed in his mechanical chest.

“But now she's gone,” Boothill started, making you turn your head to look at him with a surprised expression. “She can't hurt you anymore nor anyone, not when I'm around” He grinned, his shark-like teeth out on display. Something in your chest felt warm, it was different but not unpleasant. You offered Boothill a small smile then took a deep breath and raised your pinky up, “Pinky promise?” your voice a bit shaky, but your eyes were filled with determination.

Boothill slowly brought his pinky up, gently intertwining it with yours. They were barely touching but it was progress, “Promise.” The cyborg nodded firmly.

Tears pricked at you eyes, not in sadness nor anger, but relief.

“Thank you.”

[thejuveniledelinquent]

random headcanons/scenarios that i think are funky fun

Lex tried to copyright the word "lexicon" after releasing a book called "The Lexicon" (the capitialization is often debated; nobody agrees on anything or confirms it, especially not Lex) that details his vocabulary, phrases he often uses and quotes he claims are his, including but not limited to "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take," "all the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players," and the entirety of the bible.

bro didn't even make it into court with that one

Kara was once supposed to write a memoir about krypton or something but ended up sending the publisher her K/S genderbend femslash fanfic instead :/

they published it without a word. she stayed on the nyt bestseller's list for like two years. lesbian Spirk is canon now.

Dick was a stripper for a few months. mostly just for funsies, but also because Bruce dies inside whenever he brings it up and he thinks that's the funniest shit in the world

also Bruce got sent to jail one time for reasons he refuses to elaborate on, and he was cellmates with Lex. he acted like Brucie the WHOLE TIME.

buddy did not drop the act. not even in his sleep. he is an actor committed to his craft.

on that note, Bruce has been in at least twenty-five romcoms, four horrors movies ("i can't do those anymore! they're just so terrifying," Brucie had told the press when speaking about his latest film, Movie That Is Not Scary That Nobody Knows The Name Of), ten movies about dogs, twelve animated films james corden style, one very emotional family-focused western considered a cult classic by hardcore fans, and three buddy cop films in the past month

Dick, Jason and Cass drag the rest of the family to see Hamilton on broadway during opening week. none of them initially want to be there, but they're all ugly crying at any character's slightest inconvenience and they somehow know all the lyrics within ten minutes because they're homosexuals like that.

Bart Allen bites people. he is an animal and humans are his chew toys.

Damian played Assassin's Creed 2 once, and it was on thin fucking ice purely because it wasn't realistic enough

"i am not caught up on my italian and vatican history, father, but i don't think the pope had a mind control staff. why does he need it? is he stupid?"

Oliver once sang Four Jews in a Room Bitching in front of Bruce, the resident bitching jew who has not seen Falsettos, and he got served the batglare of a lifetime

also, Oliver's favourite musical is Falsettos because i said so.

"the big grey block isn't real, Oliver. the big grey block can't hurt you," Dinah lied mere moments before the big grey block hurt him.

anyway give me YOUR headcanons and scenarios!!!!! give them to me and let me eat them :D

[daisybianca]

Hi hi!! I love your blog sm!!!! Can you do something for mick?? (He's been looking wayyy too good I NEED SOMETHING) HSJSHJSHS BUT ANYWAYS ILY AND I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY SWEETS🤍

pairing: mick schumacher x femalereader

summary: mick is literally the perfect boyfriend. the guy that is in every rom-com as the good, gorgeous, generous, and polite kind-of-guy. that's the surface, right? that's what people see and think. but what lays beneath the perfection is somehow even better.

warnings: angst, sexual activities

(a/n): Thank you lots once again. I seriously love writing for you guys😭 please feel free to recommend anything you'd like to read!

"BABY, MY TUMMY is purring." You claimed next to Mick when your eyes had finally started to adjust in the morning light that invaded through the curtains of your bedroom. "It hurts."

Your body was utterly exposed beneath the sheets, and you could feel Mick's bare leg caressing your thigh in slow but smart and teasing movements that required your attention.

"Yeah, but I'm the one with a belly being rubbed at at the moment." He laughed and you realized your hand had been rubbing the spot of his stomach the entire time since you exposed your eyes to sunlight.

"C'mon, you know why I do this." You tried to voice, but it came out muffled because of your boyfriend’s strong arms being wrapped around you tight and hard.

"Yeah." He said behind your messy hair. "You do this almost every day we wake up"

"I--"

"You rub my belly every time you want it in the morning." Mick exclaimed. "I'm a very observant bastard when it comes to my girl's tendencies for getting away without saying a word."

His hands were placed on the flesh of your belly and started creating soft circles there.

You knew he was a teaser and didn't know if you liked it or hated it. Maybe both but on different circumstances each.

You grabbed his hand and pulled it away, clearly stating you were mad at him.

Your bodies had been tangled together, and you bet was just like his. Sex hair from the previous night had been a total blast.

He was right. You hadn't noticed, but you indeed caressed his chest and stomach when you were in the mood and had just woken up.

But you weren't going to admit it anyway.

"(y/n)." His finger was brought on your jaw, forcing you to look at him. "Say it, and it's yours, baby." He said, as if his dick was a prize to win.

Which certainly was, but...

You forced a smile. "No, I-I don't--" You stuttered.

"Baby..." Mick started. "I don't want you to be embarrassed or uncomfortable or shy around me." He placed his hand on your cheek and brought you closer to his chest, still captivating your eyes into an intense staring contest.

"Mick, I--"

"I want you to be happy with me and--"

"But I am--"

"I want you to know that I'm always here. And when I say always, I mean it." He stated in a mumble. "I'm here whenever you need a warm hug to feel better, or a strong shoulder to cry on and release the stress..." His lips found the sensitive skin of your neck, and all of a sudden, your heart roared in your chest as if you were a schoolgirl. "...or even a good fuck to make you remember what you mean to me and maybe erase the word embarrassment from that beautiful vocabulary of yours."

He stopped the kisses and looked at you.

You thought your heart had ceased beating in your chest for a moment.

You inhaled and exhaled slowly.

Mick's lips were curved slightly, and his blond hair was messy. His gaze was surely intoxicating, his blue eyes so pure. The purest you'd ever find.

Contrary to his intentions...

"You got me?" He asked and you nodded.

His expression changed to fake annoyance once again.

"Words, baby." Mick mumbled. "You're not that quiet when I fuck you every morning."

You couldn't help but let a laugh escape. You got up and on top of him.

First thing to do in the morning: give a lecture to your girlfriend about vocabulary matters and let her ride the shit out of you till she can't walk for your upcoming race day.

Check.

You started kissing him passionately. Your soul, body, and mind screamed his name. "Yes, sir."

[pageofheartdj]

Yeah the tale is pretty sad and unfair, but you know how myths can be one thing and evve into something else through time and repetition. I think what people may pull from it is that narcissus was so obsessed with himself that he never considered others, but you're right that it's sad and he needed help. Alas people tend not to think that way, whatever is easiest you know? People dont like helping if there isnt a clear benefit to them.

Anyways I think that your point of "people should know better" doesnt apply as much in this situation because a lot people dont actually know about narcissistic personality disorder and even fewer can separate narcissism (the trait) from narcissistic personality disorder.

Using psychopath is an interesting case because the word was applied to the personality disorder during a time where psychology was pretty new, ergo a great way of describing something "wrong". Plus used for movies and stuff to describe murderers.thats why it falls into Antisocial Personality Disorder now instead of being called psychotic. Evolving the name to be more accurate and distancing it from the negative word associated to it helps turn it from a demonized diagnosis to a mental medical condition.

Not to say that I think people should never change, but I think there comes a point where if people associate the word far more with the negatives rather than evolving to meet a new definition, it might be best just to come up with a new word.

It would be a clean slate, separation from negative stereotypes and help make it a mental medical condition and not be something demonized.

Like I get not wanting to change it, it is unfair, but I think that a lot of the unfairness came from how it was named. It wasnt a name thought up out of no where, the condition was given a name that was already viewed poorly. It was given a bad name right from the get go.

That's just how I think of it though. It's a ton harder to change the definition of a word based in mythology (which means it has been around for hundreds or even thousands of years) to something that only a very small section of the english speaking population knows about. Like if someone wasnt studying psychology or wasnt in a certain online hemisphere they may never run into the definition of narcissistic personality disorder.

But yeah hopefully that wasnt confusing. Also I dont wanna sound blamey like it's your fault for the disorder having such a poor and stigmatized name. It sucks and I sympathize and hope people dont trest you badly

It's kind of ironic. A person was hurting himself but was punished for this, instead of being helped or left alone. With the tale at least.

With all the information being so easily available it shouldn't be THAT hard to learn more. Or at least listen to people. Because even in the healthcare the condition is demonized. So I guess we need to change THEM first, then give some good rep in media and easily accessable not demonizing articles. Yeah I guess I can see how it's harder to figure out the truth. But still in our era where people are much more mindful, somehow 'Evil Person' disorder shouldn't sound very... real or fair.

Phsycopath is still used. The change of the disorder didn't make the insult dissappear. Just because it's not an official name anymore doesn't mean people don't use it to still describe people with ASPD. If there is a villian in media, he will be claimed to be psycopath or narcissist, still holding those disorders in mind. Because that's the description of the word.

I am not sure what to think about the word change. It feels too close to 'queer was used as a slur so we must drop it'. Bigots will use a different word for slur, that's their goal. So NPD will be changed, there is a high chance people will just adjust their vocabulary since they openly claim to people with NPD to be inherently abusive. Not just people who have narcissist traits.

Shouldn't it be easier to just... not use this one word?

[lapettitenettex]

Post-graduate studies

I took the GSAT (Graduate Studies Admission Studies) last June 11, this year. The exam should be taken before you will be admitted to the program, however, I took it late due to a change in decision. I initially wanted to pursue LLB (Law School) but I think the stars didn't align for me at that time. It pushed me to take the MPA course instead. It was a last-minute decision at that time because I got discouraged with their process. I took the exam not so long ago and made a contract with myself that I should at least garner a 70% rating. If I could achieve that rating, then maybe, I could also pass the Comprehensive Exam that is also coming by the end of September, this year as well. So, I took the GSATs with no prior preparations but, instead chose to read a self-help book that would somehow help improve my vocabulary skills. Surprisingly to say, it worked really well. Most of the given words in the exam was also the type of words that was used in the book that I was reading prior to the exam. Thankfully, I had the initiative to look up for the words and its meaning, in hopes that those words will be the words that will come up in the test.

I was, not even close, to being confident as I was taking the exam. There were a lot of unforeseen circumstances before I went to the testing center. I did not feel my parents' support although they did bid me good luck. My boyfriend and I fought badly. Basically, I was not in my best condition that day to the point that I wanted to back out. I wanted to surrender. 99% wanted to but that 1% refused to do so. I just prayed that no matter what will happen, it is what is. It is His plan, nevertheless. If I won't pass nor reach the percentile ranking mark for the program, then, maybe this year is not that year for me to take the Comprehensive Exam. I was near to the acceptance stage.

Yesterday, June 21, a message came across my Messenger account. It said that the result of the GSAT already came out and we can now claim our results. Of course, my stomach was filled with butterflies and I was so close to puking. My hands went cold, my heartbeat doubled its beating. "This is it," I said. At around 4pm, I decided to go to that university where I took the exam (which was just near to where I was working, just walking distance, thank Heavens!). I slowly walked myself to the testing center and just said, "It's Your will, Lord. If I pass, thank You. If I fail, thank You still."

I waited for the attendant and gave my test permit. The result of my co-worker (we took the exam together) was handed in first then he handed mine. My hands were shaking and I just hoped for the best. I peeked for my result and viola! A 94.29% rating before my eyes!!! I was screaming internally, I just wanted to jump. You must be wondering why I am this elated. The exam was THAT difficult. After the exam, I was THAT drained. I couldn't believe that I passed because I doubted my answers. As i was answering each item, I was uncertain. I never had an answer which I was confident of. The last part of the exam which was Math, we were only given 35 minutes to solve and answer the problems and the choices were not even close to what I solved! I just shaded whatever because time was running out. So excuse me if I am this jumpy and I had to share this experience because it is something I could not gatekeep. I wanted to share this for me to look back on in the near future; for me to push through on goals which I am afraid of and face every challenges head on. Fear is what keeps us to move forward. It only takes a slight push to start moving.

Hoping for a good result as well this coming September. Hoping and praying I can finally attain that MPA title this year. I am manifesting this and I am blocking every evil eye/mouth that will try to destroy and jinx me. In His name.

[gay-otlc]

This Is Where We're Supposed To Be

Apparently I wrote an 11K Delivvy fic. You're welcome. And also sorry in advance

Summary: But the thing about Della was, no matter how much Livvy tried to run, it was damn near impossible to stay away.

@thatonechandelier @countingthestarsaboveourheads @tiergan-andrin-alenefar @an-ungraeceful-swan @books-over-boys @if-only-wishes-were-answered @be-sapphic-do-crime I believe these are the people who asked to be tagged.

Warnings for cursing, homophobia, some blood/injuries but nothing graphic

Read on AO3

Livvy would have liked to think that the first time ce talked to the most beautiful girl ce'd ever seen was romantic and eloquent, but no, cer brain decided to shut down that day. Ce was a level six at foxfire, and technically, Della talked to cer instead of the other way around. Livvy mostly just stammered and nodded. It was a normal day of eating lunch and bitching about history homework, when ce felt a tap on cer shoulder and spun around to see none other than Della Vacker, with her brown skin and red lips and shimmering violet dress and…

”Earth to Livvy. Della just asked you a question,” Tiergan said, not looking up from drawing Prentice in the margins of the essay xe was supposed to be writing. Livvy blushed and snapped to attention, thinking this was off to a fantastic start, but maybe ce could save the situation by saying something super smooth.

What came out of cer mouth was not something super smooth. What came out of cer mouth was ”Um. Hi. I’m Livvy.”

Beside her, Elwin chuckled and ce prayed for the ground to swallow cer whole. Della’s mouth quirked into a smile. “I hear you’re good at biology?”

With tremendous effort, ce forced out the words “I’m okay at it.”

”Don’t sell yourself short, you’re a freaking genius,” Elwin jumped in. Cer face was probably on fire, even though they weren't wrong. Ce didn't like to brag, but... that wasn't even true! Ce loved to brag! Just yesterday ce was laughing in Alden's face that ce'd scored higher on the test than him! Somehow, now ce was feeling self conscious? What?

Running a hand through her hair, Della asked “Would you be willing to help me with it? It’s my worst subject and my parents are starting to get on my case about midterms.”

Was this… like… real? Breathless, ce managed to say ”Yeah! Sure!”

”Cool! Would after school tomorrow work?”

Too panicked to speak, ce nodded.

”Okay, I’ll see you then.” Her smile grew wider as she waved and glided away.

Livvy waited for her to be out of earshot before turning back to cer friends scattered around the table. “What. The. Fuck. Just. Happened.”

”You okay there, Dr. Lesbian?” Cyrah asked, grinning.

Like they were the only words left in cer vocabulary, ce repeated “What the fuck.”

Tiergan snorted. “Della Vacker, huh?”

”Shut up.”

”You’re still staring in her direction,” Cyrah added helpfully.

”Shut up,” Livvy snapped, already counting down the minutes to their study date.

___

Somehow, those minutes crawled by at a snail's pace of tossing and turning in bed, of paying zero attention in class and doodling D+L one too many times in cer notebook. When the bell finally rang, ce jumped out of the Universe class with a speed usually reserved for claiming the last slice of mallowmelt. It was a wonder ce didn't crash into anyone on cer way to meet Della at her locker. Despite cer speed, Della was already there when Livvy arrived, somehow looking graceful even while lugging a backpack that must have weighed a ton. Ce must have gotten slightly more eloquent since the last time they saw one another, because cer voice sounded steady on what ce hoped was a casual "Hey."

Her locker clicked shut. "Hi."

"So..." Oh, there was that on-brand disaster lesbian inability to form words. "Where do you want to study?"

"I was thinking my house?" And as if that hadn't already sold Livvy, she added "I baked ripplefluffs last night, and we can have some once I we finish. I find ripplefluffs to be very motivational when I'm studying."

She had a point, and Livvy's heart beat faster at the thought. Over at Della's house? It sounded exciting initially, but the more ce thought about it, the more ce realized ce would probably make a fool of cerself. But the ripplefluffs did sound really good, and Della needed cer help, so... "Alright. I have to go grab my things from my locker, but yeah, I'll meet you there."

"Great! It's called Lumiere." Della waved and turned around towards the leapmaster. Livvy spun in the other direction, nearly running to cer locker, and cer best friend who was now cer source of romantic advice, against their will.

"Elwin! Help!"

Elwin buried their face in their hands. "What did you do this time? Don't you have a study date with Della?"

"Yeah, I'm about to go over to her house and I don't want to fuck this up! What the fuck do I do? How does one talk to a girl? It would be nice if I knew how to flirt, but I would honestly just settle for not making myself look like a complete and total idiot. What am I doing?" Ce rested cer forehead against the cold metal of the locker.

Their hand settled on cer shoulder. "You're asking me for romantic advice? Livvy, I'm aroace."

"You're also my best friend! It's your job to get me out of messes I create!"

"I'm pretty sure I did not sign up for that. But... just... be yourself, I guess?"

"I can't be myself! Myself is an awkward trainwreck!"

"Maybe Della has a thing for awkward trainwrecks. And anyway, if she doesn't like you, that's her loss."

"I guess?"

They gave cer a thumbs up. "You got this, Dr. Lesbian."

___

Dr. Lesbian did not have this, ce realized upon arriving at Lumiere. It looked... very fancy. A house for a princess, where awkward trainwrecks were generally not invited. Ce stood frozen for a moment after ringing the doorbell before it swung open and Della came into sight. "Livvy! Come on in." For a horrifying second, it felt like cer legs wouldn't work, but ce managed eventually. The two made it to the foot of the stairs before a man approached. Judging by the resemblance, Della's father.

"Radelle?"

Radelle?

"Livvy's helping me with biology. We were just going up to study now."

Della's father turned to Livvy and nodded. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," ce replied, resisting the urge to hide behind Della. Everything about him screamed intimidating, such a contrast to Livvy's own father, who was full of laughter and terrible puns. Ce couldn't imagine growing up with him like Della had. Maybe he seemed warmer once you got to know him, but Della was hugging her chest like she wanted to disappear into herself, so maybe not. Then, as if coming out of a trance, her posture straightened and she grabbed Livvy's hand, pulling cer to the staircase.

They were holding hands.

Livvy prided cerself on not having a heart attack.

When they arrived at her room, Della gestured to the stack of papers on her meticulously organized desk. "That's what we're studying. I understand just about none of it." Livvy glanced over and launched into an explanation, beginning to bounce on cer toes as enthusiasm took over. Was that nerdy? Yes, but this was interesting to cer! Della nodded along as ce spoke.

"Okay, I think I get it?"

With another look at the worksheet, ce asked one of its practice problems. Della thought for a moment before answering correctly.

"Great!"

Della smiled. “You’re really good at this," she said, her eyes wide and she was staring right at cer and- "Like. Really good.”

Ce scratched the back of cer neck. "Thanks… I’m planning on being a doctor, so it wouldn’t be great if I couldn’t do this shit." Cue the awkward laugh.

"Well, I think you’ll be great at it." And the kindness written into her face, the genuine smile curling across, somehow hurt to look at. Like Della was the sun, like she was too bright. Accepting compliments, without the jokingly overdone flourish ce loved so much, seemed almost... dangerous. Admitting something was important to cer, bringing it in close to cer heart, felt like inviting some cruel outside force to come take it away. Admitting, even to cerself, that ce cared and hoped, meant opening up to the possiblity that ce could get hurt. Which was definitely not something ce wanted to do.

So, Livvy cleared cer throat and changed the subject. "What do you want to do? After graduation?”

"I’ll probably end up a trophy wife and give birth to some powerful children." Her eyes dropped from cer and fixed on the ground.

With the homework all but abandoned, Livvy took a tiny step closer and softly asked "That’s what you want to do?"

"That’s what I’m supposed to do. What I want doesn’t matter." Della shook her head roughly, and a coil of her perfect hair fell out of place, swinging across her eyes.

Livvy leaned further still and tucked the hair behind her ear. "It does." Their noses were almost touching. "It does matter."

"Tell that to my parents," Della snorted.

"Okay. I will."

"You'll- what?"

Della might have said something else, too, but Livvy's feet led cer out the door before ce could hear. Who the hell did Della's parents think they were? Without cer noticing, cer hands curled into fists. Ce probably should not punch Della's parents. That wouldn't exactly be a great first impression, and might be a little extreme. But damn, it was tempting. Channeling the voice of a disappointed Lady Erica, ce marched into the kitchen and said, in a voice dripping with sarcastic politeness, "Lord Vacker."

Hopefully that was the right title. Gendered titles were exceptionally stupid and Livvy tried hard to not keep track of any of them.

"Livvy, was it? What brings you here?"

"Just came to inform you that you seem like a really shitty father." His jaw dropped, but before he could get a word in, ce continued. "You taught your daughter that what she wants doesn't matter! That's awful! What she wants absolutely matters! She's a person, and a pretty incredible person at that, not just someone you can control to get what you want. That's all, thank you for your time."

Ce spun around, ready to go back to tutoring Della, and instead walked into her.

"What the hell?" she whispered, and Livvy noticed with a start there were tears in her eyes. She all but ran towards the stairs, and ce followed.

"Someone needed to tell him that, and you clearly weren't going to."

"Well... I... thank you."

"Any time." After dropping the eye contact ce'd been holding for longer than was strictly necessary, ce dropped cer gaze to the floor. "I'd better get going... you think you're okay with the bio stuff?"

Della nodded. "Thanks to you. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow." Livvy waved and then immediately proceeded to cringe. "Bye!" ce yelped, leaving as quickly as possible without running. As soon as ce was out the door, ce blurted into the silence "What the fuck?"

___

"Spill the tea," Cyrah demanded, leaning forward and resting her chin on her hands.

"You're all so embarrassing," Livvy whined.

Prentice mimicked Cyrah's pose. "I don't hear you spilling the tea."

In a deadpan, ce said "We kissed."

Cyrah's jaw dropped. "Holy shit!" she shrieked, turning half the heads in the cafeteria.

"Before you left you were freaking out about the prospect of having a conversation with her, did you really work up the nerve to kiss her after that gay panic?" Elwin asked.

Livvy snickered. "No. That did not happen. I just wanted to see Cyrah's face. And it was hilarious, thank you."

"You monster! I trusted you! I-"

"What actually happened?" Prentice interrupted.

"We did hold hands."

"And you didn't faint?"

Ce glared at Tiergan. "No, for your information, I didn't. And then she complimented me! And complimented me again when I tried to deflect it! I don't know how to accept compliments, you guys, what was I supposed to say? So I just kinda coughed and changed the subject. Apparently her father is a dickhead and I yelled at him. She thanked me. Then I left. Is this tea good enough for you?"

"Fantastic, thank you," said Cyrah, nodding.

"Happy to provide you with tales of my lonely gay love life."

___

All week, the memory of Della's hand in cers carried Livvy through the worst of the boring classes, helped by the occasional longing glances in the hallways. It wasn't quite enough for cer, which was why one might think ce would be happy to have Della come back over to cer lunch table, but no. Ce nearly spat out cer lushberry juice. Thank goodness ce didn't. Maybe the universe was a tiny bit on cer side. "What brings you here?" Livvy asked once ce regained the ability to speak.

Della twisted her hands together. "Well, basically, having you really over really helped a lot last time and I was wondering if that would be something you'd be willing to do again? Maybe tomorrow afternoon? I mean, you totally don't have to if you don't want to, but... I think it would be nice. Sorry." It had never crossed Livvy's mind that this could be nerve wracking for Della, too. Probably not because she found cer pretty or anything, but maybe Della just wasn't the type to like asking for help.

"Yeah sure I'd love to," Livvy blurted, earning a smooth from Prentice. Ce flipped him off.

"Great!"

"I'll have to ask my parents for sure, I guess I'll hail you once I find a time that works?"

Della nodded. "See you soon!"

Staring at the rest of the group and pointedly not staring at Della as she walked away, Livvy hissed "What am I going to do?" No one had an answer then, nor did they have an answer the next day when ce demanded to meet up at Rochellevé Coffee to ramble about a certain pretty Vacker, for thirty minutes gay. Everyone was being entirely unhelpful. Livvy slammed cer hands on the table. “What am I supposed to say to her!?”

“Tell her everything you’ve screamed at us this last half hour,” Tiergan offered, xyr focus mostly on his coffee.

That was the most embarrassing scenario imaginable. “No!”

“Fine, then I’ll tell her, I’m sure she’ll find it adorable.”

“If you do that, I will actually kill you.”

Tiergan only shrugged.

Throwing him a disapproving look, Cyrah said “We won’t tell her how cute you get panicking yet, but it’d be a great story to tell at your wedding.”

”At our- what? We won’t- what?!”

Cyrah scoffed. “Please. You guys will totally start dating and I look forward to shoving popcorn into my mouth as it happens.”

Throwing cer hands up, Livvy declared “I hate you all.”

Elwin smiled. “We love you too, Dr. Lesbian.”

”If you want actual advice,” Prentice cut in before Livvy could keep yelling at cer dumbass friends. “Try complimenting her hair. And give her candy.”

”You sure?”

”Well, considering I’m the only person here who a, likes girls and b, is not laughing at you, you kind of have no choice but to listen to me.”

Ce sighed. “I hate it when you’re right.”

“Luckily, it’s a pretty rare occurrence,” said Tiergan, grinning.

Prentice spun around to face him. “Okay, first of all, fuck you-”

”Want to buy her some prattles?” Elwin interrupted.

”Does she like prattles?”

”Does anyone not like prattles?”

Livvy considered. “Good point, I’ll go buy some.”

At the checkout desk, the woman working took a glance at cer purchase and smiled. “Good luck with this girl.” Ce flamed bright red and snatched the candy, nearly sprinting away. Behind cer, Elwin chuckled.

“Good luck with this girl,” they repeated, giving a thumbs up. Livvy sighed and started on cer way to Della’s house.

___

Della opened the door and waved cer in frantically. “I don’t think my father would be thrilled to see you, so hurry up.”

“I’m surprised he let me come back.”

“Yeah, he didn’t want me to invite my ‘rude friend’ over, but I need the help in bio and he knows it, so I got him to agree. Come on, let’s get to my room.”

Livvy sat on the desk rather than the chair, as queers do, and dug around in cer pockets. “I have prattles for when we finish, so let’s try to learn this shit quickly.”

“You’ve inspired me to work hard,” Della said solemnly, and sat quietly save for a few questions as Livvy rattled off every fact ce knew about the elf immune system. There were a lot. “You seem super enthusiastic about this,” she said finally, when Livvy paused for air.

Ce blushed. “Sorry.”

“No, you don’t need to apologize, it’s nice. So.” She glared at her worksheet, spinning the pencil around graceful fingers. Livvy would definitely drop it if ce tried that, but she made it look easy. Her tongue poked out from the corner of her mouth as she scribbled something down. Livvy had to remind cerself not to stare at her mouth. “White blood cells, wooo,” she cheered, voice monotone.

“Hey, white blood cells are important!"

“Yeah, but they’re giving me a headache right now.”

“Just think of the candy, that’ll get you through.” Ce thought back to cer mortifying conversation with cer friends. “Your hair looks nice, by the way.” Which was definitely the truth, with the braid she’d put it in and the light glinting off of it.

Della’s eyes widened. “Oh! Thanks!”

Nailed it.

She only needed to ask Livvy one question before scribbling her last answer with a flourish and slamming her pencil down. “Finished! Give me those prattles!”

With a laugh, ce handed one over and took one for cerself. “Enjoy, you’ve earned it.”

As she took a small bite, her face melted to a satisfied smile. It seemed Livvy- or Elwin, ce supposed, they deserved most of the credit- was right in assuming she liked prattles. Livvy ate cer own, smiling just as wide. When they both finished, they looked at their pins. "A tomple, not bad," Della said. "What’s you get?” Livvy showed her. “Holy shit- you got a unicorn! I would kill to have one of those!”

“I’ll trade you,” Livvy offered. Before the words came out, ce had no idea they would, but ce didn’t regret them. Especially once ce saw the delight sparkling in Della’s eyes.

“Really?! You’d do that?”

Ce nodded. “Yeah, I have one already, so it’s no big deal. And considering the ungodly amount of these things I eat, I’ll get another soon enough.”

“Wow, I… thank you!” She scooped it up from cer palm, causing cer to freeze as their skin made contact. Then the moment, if it could really be called that, vanished, and ce took the tomple pin from Della.

“Yeah, no problem! I’m guessing it would be received well if I brought prattles again when I came by next week?”

The smile on her face was answer enough before Della said “I’d like that.”

Ce didn’t want to leave, not quite yet. So ce searched for conversation to fill the silence. Eventually cer mind settled on “How come you didn't ask Lady Erica for help? Not that I mind tutoring you, but it seems like she'd be better at it."

"Honestly, she kind of scares me."

Livvy barked a laugh. "Same. But how come I don't scare you? I'll have you know that I am very intimidating."

"You're not intimidating, you're pretty cute."

What came out of Livvy's mouth was unclear. Maybe a squeak? Ce would prefer not to talk about it. So, trying very very hard not to read too much into that cute and get cer hopes up, ce cracked cer knuckles and said "Excuse me! I am terrifying. Quinlin tried to kiss me once and I punched him in the face. Broke his nose. Now he hides behind Alden whenever he sees me. I am badass."

"That is pretty badass," Della agreed, and ce couldn't help blushing at the amazement her voice held. "Not a fan of people trying to kiss you, huh?"

And ce couldn't stop cerself. "Not a fan of boys trying to kiss me. If a pretty girl asked, I would say yes in a heartbeat." A moment after realizing what ce just said, ce pointedly looked anywhere other than the pretty girl she would say yes in a heartbeat if asked to kiss. "I think I have to get home, bye!" Ce could not get out of there fast enough. (Ce wanted to go back.)

___

The next day at lunch, Cyrah demanded to know “What happened this time?”

“Well… I told her I like girls.” Elwin held their hand up for a high five, and ce obliged. “And about that time I punched Quinlin. She looked impressed.”

“It was impressive,” Prentice agreed.

Tiergan smiled fondly. “Alden looked just about ready to kill you, though, for hurting his boyfriend.”

“They’re not dating,” said Elwin.

“I mean… they’re not not dating.”

In an uncanny imitation of Alden's voice, Prentice said “Of course they’re not dating, Tiergan, they’re just cognates! It’s not gay if you’re cognates!”

“Making out with a guy seems pretty gay.”

Livvy grinned. “What if they say no homo first?”

Cyrah held her fingers close. “It’s a little homo.”

"What's a little homo?" Della said, sliding into the seat beside Livvy. Ce froze. "Livvy?"

"For your information, I'm more than a little homo," ce corrected.

Tiergan held up his hand at what had to be a mockery of cer five feet and two inches. "Well, in terms of height... you're a very little homo."

"Fuck you!"

"What's that? It's hard to hear you from all the way up here."

Everyone laughed, including Elwin- barely two inches taller than cer!- who at least had the decency to give cer a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. It became harder to hate all cer friends when ce noticed the mirth shining in Della's eyes, something ce wanted to see again and again and again. The conversation shifted around, from annoying mentors to whether Fintan and Bronte had dated; the verdict was a unanimous yes. It was impressive, how Della managed to slide into the group so effortlessly that ce was surprised to remember it hadn't always been this way.

"Thanks for letting me sit with you guys," said Della, as they stood to file back to classes. "I'm having kind of a fight with my usual crowd, so..." she shrugged.

"Yeah, no problem- you're welcome to sit with us whenever."

Ce didn't really expect Della to take cer up on that offer. But she did, sitting at their table more and more until it was nearly every day. To the point where Livvy's mother brought up celebrating the end of midterms with cer friends, and somehow, Della found her way on that list without cer even thinking about it at all. Ce was friends with Della Vacker; this information would absolutely stun the Livvy from two months ago, who could barely hold a conversation with her.

They were friends now, and that should have been good enough. It was incredible! Still, cer idiot lesbian of a self couldn't stop wondering, what if...

___

Midterms were over, finally, and Livvy was sorting through cer gifts; frog earrings from Elwin, a book of Sappho poetry from Tiergan, a camera from Prentice, and colorful beaded necklaces from Cyrah. Ce bit cer lip, hoping Della liked the earrings (not of the frog variety) Livvy got for her. Handwritten notes and a small gift weren't exactly the open declaration of love the butterflies in cer stomach seemed to think it was. Still... it felt like telling her that ce cared, maybe more than ce let on.

Like daydreaming thinking about Della had somehow summoned her, she appeared by cer side and nearly yelled "Livvy! Livvy, I got an A on the biology midterm!" There was no thinking involved, not even a hint of awareness as to what ce was doing, but ce cheered and leaned over to kiss Della on the cheek.

Her eyes widened.

Oh, shit, was the first coherent thought in cer head as ce realized what ce'd just done. "Um, congratulations! I gotta go thank Elwin for my gift!" Ce leapt up and ran over to them, nearly dragging them into the corner of a mostly empty hallway and screaming "Elwin, I kissed Della on the cheek!"

"Um... congratulations?"

Livvy sighed. They just didn't understand the terrible predicament this put cer in! Ce tried to explain. "No, this is bad. This is very bad. It's going to make everything so awkward between us, as if I hadn't made every conversation awkward enough already!"

"You'll be fine, Livvy," they said, giving cer what was probably meant to be a comforting smile.

"I guess." Ce sighed again. "Thank you for the frog earrings, by the way."

"I thought you'd like them. Thanks for the stuffed llama."

They grinned, and ce grinned back, and at least ce had a few weeks to avoid the crushing awkwardness of interacting with Della. The awkwardness returned as soon as ce got back from break, when Cyrah immediately asked "So, how's Delivvy going?"

Tiergan raised an eyebrow. "What is a Delivvy? Is that like a Tiertice?" Prentice turned bright red as Elwin muffled a snicker, and Livvy breathed a sigh of relief. If they were all laughing at Tiergan, they couldn't laugh at cer for how absolutely head over heels ce was for Della. Not that anything had happened. They'd called one another a few times, and ce'd even invited Della over for dinner once- to cer dismay, cer parents were hopelessly embarrassing- but their friendship was firmly in the platonic stage.

Cyrah rolled her eyes. "Our idiot friends aside, anything juicy to tell us?"

"Nothing juicy."

"Oh, make a move on her already."

"It's not my fault she's terrifying! Stop bothering me!"

"Ugh, but bothering you is so fun."

"Fuck off."

Elwin, apparently done teasing the other idiot gays, turned to Livvy and said "Have you told Cyrah about... what happened right after midterms?"

"I may or may not have kissed her on the cheek," ce muttered, looking firmly at the floor.

Cyrah gasped. "And then?"

"I ran away and screamed to Elwin."

"You disappoint me."

Yeah, Livvy was also disappointed, because maybe if ce'd stuck around a little longer something could have happened... or maybe it would have been awful. It probably would have been awful. Running away was completely the right decision. Della was scary, and crushes were scary, and Livvy should definitely keep running away.

___

"I'm filling out my matchmaking packet."

Dread settled into Livvy's stomach. "Oh?"

Somehow, Della didn't pick up on quite how loaded that oh was. "Would you be willing to come hang out with me while I figure it out? It sounds pretty boring and I could use a friend."

"Sure," ce said, although ce could not imagine a worse hell. And what a hell it was! Della brought out a stack of papers that looked thicker than cer history textbook, and that was seriously saying something. And every page of them asked about what kind of boys Della liked. Boys, boys, boys. Of course it was boys. And ce knew that their system was painfully straight, and that she was painfully pressured into following the system, but this... this felt too real.

from: dr lesbian

to: dr aro

GIRL HELP DELLAS FILLING OUT HER MATCHMAKING PACKET

from: dr aro

to: dr lesbian

am not girl cannot help

from: dr lesbian

to: dr aro

SERIOUSLY

THIS IS PAINFUL DJFSKJDSKDS

she's gonna marry a boy </3

from: dr aro

to: dr lesbian

that really sucks

i'm sorry

would a picture of an otter help?

from: dr lesbian

to: dr aro

ofc!!!

And it did bring a smile to cer face. But the smile fell quickly as Della asked "It's telling me to say what I find most attractive in men- I don't know what I find most attractive in men!"

"You think I'm any help?" ce tried to joke. "I'm not even attracted to men."

Della sighed. "I don't know. I guess... a sense of humor. And caring about me, and being willing to stand up for me." Her eyes flicked over to Livvy, before quickly shooting down to her paper. "I don't know. This doesn't seem romantic at all. They're just trying to check off boxes, and when I fall in love, I want it to be a little more... intimate." It was Livvy's turn to sneak a glance at her. Ce wanted to reach out and rest a hand on top of Della's. That was the worst possible thing ce could do right now. "Anyway. I guess I'll just come back to this part."

She kept flipping through. Ce kept keyboard smashing at Elwin. Finally, Della stood up. "I'm ready turn this in? Want to come with me to Atlantis?" And Livvy nodded. Some dumb part of cer brain got excited, and ce had to shut it down by remind cerself that this wasn't a date, this wasn't even close to a date, this was going with Della as she got matched with a boy and married him and not Livvy.

"This is exciting, huh?" ce said, trying not to let cer voice reveal just how very not excited ce felt.

"I guess." If Della was trying to make her voice not reveal how not excited she felt, she had just failed miserably. "Do you want to do this? Go through matchmaking, and everything?"

The thought simply did not compute in cer head, and just saying no didn't feel like enough, but ce did so anyway. "Do you?"

Della sighed. "I'm turning mine in right now, Livvy."'

"That's not a yes."

"I know it's not a yes, dammit!" She shoved it into the matchmaker's hand and walked away before Livvy can respond. How would ce even have responded? Could ce have talked Della out of doing this, maybe? Even if it was for selfish reasons, this wasn't what Della wanted either. But ce didn't think of anything wise to say, and Della had turned in her packet and left. The next day, she apologized for snapping, but refused to let Livvy bring it up again.

Which was good. The less ce thought about Della getting married to anyone that wasn't cer, the better.

___

It was the night of Della's winnowing gala, and Livvy was definitely not listening to sad music while imagining what it would be like to attend, to twirl Della around. Nope, not at all. Della was choosing a husband, and Livvy was perfectly fucking fine. Ce tried distracting cerself with whatever ce could- listening to Tiergan ramble about human music, helping Elwin decide which of two new stuffed animals to buy (the stegosaurus, obviously), and none of it fucking worked because ce was still thinking about Della.

Ce had finally decided to go to bed and wallow in cer misery, when the doorbell rang.

"Who the fuck is here this late?" ce muttered, glancing in the mirror to fix cerself up into "totally wasn't just having an unrequited lesbianism related breakdown" before scrambling downstairs to answer, and it was- it was Della, makeup smudged, hair out of place, bags under her eyes.

"Can I sleep over here tonight?"

Yes, ce wanted to say, but- "I'll have to check with my parents." They said yes, thankfully, and the pair went up to Livvy's room. Although ce knew full well this was a dangerous minefield to navigate and the answer would probably hurt, but ce couldn't resist asking, "How'd it go?

"My feet hurt like hell. Those shoes..." Della pulled a face. "As for the boys, my parents want me to marry Alden."

"Alden? Ugh, he's so annoying." And also gay for Quinlin, but ce didn't say that.

Della shrugged, "He's alright. And like I said, my parents really want us to get together."

"And you? Do you want that?"

For a long time, she said nothing. Then, finally- "I want to make my parents happy."

Wherever the fuck Lord and Lady Vacker were, Livvy wanted to go yell at them again. Or let cer fist do the talking. "I wish you would stop letting them control your li-"

"Can we just drop it? Please?" Something about the look in her eyes made Livvy agree, against cer better judgement. The conversation drifted to hair, to fashion, to classes. Anything easy and meaningless. Eventually, they settled down for the night, and Livvy played the more serious part of their conversation over again in cer head. Ce rolled over.

"You deserve to make yourself happy too," ce said to Della's back. She didn't respond. Maybe she was already asleep.

___

"Alden's thinking of proposing," Della said, lying on the grass.

She didn't make eye contact with Livvy, who sat bolt upright and exclaimed "He's what now?" For a moment, ce tried to imagine it. Della in a white dress, looking ethereal, holding a bouquet. Alden in a tuxedo, not a hair out of place, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. The two of them settling into a nice, normal, perfect picture of an elvin family. Ce imagined Della smiling at the wedding, the smile not quite reaching her eyes.

"I overheard him talking with Quinlin about it."

"Guess the surprise is ruined, then." It was too easy to keep a smile on cer face, play the role of a supportive best friend.

Della sat up and finally looked at Livvy. "I don't mind. It's nice to have a heads up, I suppose, so I don't have to decide on the spot."

This time, Livvy was the one to look away. "What are you going to say? Do you think?"

"I don't know. Probably yes. I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with him."

"Wouldn't mind," ce repeated. "How romantic. Do you really want to marry Alden? I've seen you look at a half-burnt ripplefluff with more love in your eyes than when you look at him, that can't be how you really want your future to look. What do you want? Who do you want?"

"You," Della whispered, and a tear slipped down her cheek. "Dammit, Livvy, I've wanted you all along."

This had to be a daydream. This had to be a daydream. Because Della was cer friend, and had been for a long time, but she'd never shown any indication of living a life outside of what heteronormative elvin society wanted. Livvy? Livvy was not what heteronormative elvin society wanted. And yet... and yet, there wasn't a trace of anything less than honesty written across Della's face, and this was real. Somehow, this was real. So ce reached out to take her hand. "I didn't think there was a hell you could want me back, not like... that."

"Well, you are a dumb lesbian."

Ce breathed a laugh. "That I am." Della stayed silent a moment longer. Never looking away from Livvy's eyes save for when her gaze slipped down to cer lips and then back up, no longer than a second. Livvy broke the silence with an unplanned, but long overdue, "Can I kiss you?"

She nodded.

And ce did. Ce kissed her.

___

Della had been avoiding cer. For a week. Livvy was going to murder her. If ce didn't die first, because cer lungs really disagreed with chasing after Della this fast for this long. Raindrops splattered against cer face and puddles splashed as ce stomped into them. "Della!" No response. "Della! You can't avoid me forever! Why won't you fucking talk to me?"

She finally stopped running and turned to face Livvy. Damp hair clung to her forehead, and Livvy had the odd urge to move it away for her. "Because if I come back and talk to you, I'm not sure I'll have the strength to leave you again."

"Why do you even want to leave me!"

"I don't! Livvy, it's never been about what I want. You know that. We've both known that for a long time."

Ce didn't know if that was a tear or a raindrop on cer face, and ce didn't particularly care. "I thought you might want me enough to change your mind about that."

"You thought wrong." Della groaned as the sky behind her thundered. "We can't... we can't be together. Not like this. I wish we could, but... we can't."

"Okay," Livvy said simply, and ran back in the other direction before Della could see cer crying.

___

A knock sounded on cer door. "Liv?" came Elwin's voice.

"Do you have more ice cream?"

"I don't, no."

Ce scowled. "Then go away!"

"I do have a gift."

"I don't give a shit."

"It's rainbow."

That got cer attention. "Fine. Come in."

Their eyes widened as they walked inside. "Wow. You look..."

"Like shit, I know." Ce sniffed. "This whole thing is shitty."

"It is. I'm sorry. But I brought you something to try and make this a little bit less shitty. Meet your emotional support stuffed animal, Natasha the Narwhal." They brought their hand out from behind their back. Sure enough, they had a stuffed narwhal, and it was rainbow. It did make this a little bit less shitty. Livvy took it gratefully and hugged it to cer chest.

As Elwin sat on the bed next to cer, ce began sobbing again. "She just- she just fucking broke up with me! We were barely even together and she broke up with me and now she's gonna marry Alden, of all people, because she's not willing to take the risk of being with me and she's barely even speaking to me and we can't be together and it's just- it's all awful, Elwin."

Wrapping cer in a hug, they agreed "It's fucking awful."

___

"I can't believe you're going through with this," Livvy said. In another world, this moment could have been beautiful. Della in her white dress and veil, bouquet in her hand. Livvy wearing a suit and tie, rainbow beads woven into cer hair. If ce was the one set to marry her in an hour, this scene would have been something out of a fairy tale. But now? It was something out of a nightmare. "I can't believe you're going to marry him."

Della sighed. "I don't want to fight right now. It's my wedding, Livvy, can't you at least pretend to be happy for me?"

Ce probably could pretend, but ce didn't want to. Instead, ce took a step closer, noticing the way Della flinched at how close their faces were. Her grip around the flowers were so tight her knuckles had nearly turned white, posture rigid. "I would be happy for you if you were happy. Is this making you happy?"

"Yes. I'm happy."

The pause she took before answering was barely noticeable, but it told Livvy a lot. Della's gaze didn't quite meet cers, eyes downcast and sorrowful. Her voice trembled and went up an octave. Livvy stared as Della shuffled her feet. Finally, ce said "You're a damn terrible liar."

As though she'd been slapped, Della stepped backwards. "I-"

"Della, I wish you the best, but I can't watch you make yourself miserable to make someone else happy. So I'm gonna... I'm gonna go. Give Alden my congratulations." Before seeing her reaction, ce spun around, trying to hide the tears spilling out. "Goodbye." If Della responded, Livvy didn't stick around long enough to hear it, nearly running in cer need to get out of here, get out, get out. Between sobbing and not paying any attention to cer surroundings, ce did not notice Quinlin just ahead of cer.

“Are you okay?” he asked, stepping to the side just before ce could slam into him. Livvy knew ce had to look a mess right now, with red puffy eyes and fire burning in cer clenched fists. Quinlin didn’t look much better, with tears glistening in his own eyes. The absurdity of the situation almost made cer laugh- two pining gay fools, in love with someone who loved them back but refused to act on it.

”Fan-fucking-tastic,” Livvy replied, trying to force cer breathing into some semblance of normal. “You?”

Quinlin sighed. “He’s my best friend. I should be celebrating with him.”

”You love him,” ce said. It wasn’t a question.

”Against my better judgement. I try to be content with where our relationship is right now, as cognates, but I can’t help wanting…” His voice trailed off and he swiped at his eyes. “You understand. I’ve seen the way you look at Della.”

Despite cerself, ce smiled. “You’d have to be blind not to.”

After a beat of silence, the question flew out of nowhere. “Do you want to get married?”

“What?”

Slumping against the wall, Quinlin buried his face in his hands. “It’s not a terrible idea. After all, neither of us will be able to marry the people we truly love. People ask too many questions if we don’t marry anyone eventually, and at least this way we won’t be leading anyone on.” As much as ce hated to admit it, he had a point. But… could ce really do that? Without vomiting? Livvy didn’t know, and Quinlin seemed to sense cer confusion. “You don’t have to decide anything right away. Just… think about it. In the meantime, I hope you get through tonight without making yourself sick on ice cream.”

”I probably will. It’s the only coping mechanism I know.”

“I should try it.”

Livvy smiled again and walked away, before pausing. “Quinlin?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I am too.”

___

As one does when they're heartbroken and yearning, Livvy threw cerself into work, trying to really earn the Doctor in Dr. Lesbian. That kept cer thoughts occupied enough with diseases and injuries and elixirs that they were less occupied by Della. Finally, cer mentors considered cer adept enough to truly become a doctor, and job interviews started. Job interviews, Livvy decided, were the worst thing to exist.

Ce rattled off cer qualifications, greatest strengths (quick thinking in stressful situations that didn't involve cute girls) and biggest weaknesses (cute girls, but ce said it was prioritizing different tasks). What ce did not expect to be asked was about cer match status. The aforementioned quick thinking in stressful situations came in handy.

"Oh! Um. Yeah, I haven't been matched with anyone yet since I was trying to focus on my studies, but I was planning to register soon." Was ce planning to register soon? As of two seconds ago. That counted as a plan.

The interviewer nodded. "I see. Well, it's very important that elves in a noble profession such as this one are good matches."

Why did ce want to be a doctor again?

"Especially if you plan to work with children as your resume states, I know many parents would not want their children seeing a physician whose relationships..." He gestured vaguely. "Deviate from the norm."

Apparently Livvy gave off the impression that ce was queer. With the rainbow beads, frog earrings, and leg thrown over the arm of the chair? Who could have predicted. Thoughts swirling to fix this mess, that apparently being cerself would make cer dream job much harder, ce searched for a solution. When it finally hit cer, it was obvious. But oh, not something ce wanted to do, not at all. When ce was finally dismissed from the interview, ce grabbed cer imparter, pulled a face, and said "Show me Quinlin."

___

Livvy Sonden got married.

It wasn't a fairy tale wedding, didn't even give off that facade like Della's. No, this was as unromantic as possible. Livvy and Quinlin coordinated to make their match packets indicate the other, and both ended up on each list. So, they went to the matchmaker's office again, go the papers signed, and then they were legally married. How wonderful.

"Congratulations," Della said, the first word she'd spoken after a month of Livvy artfully avoiding her.

"What?"

"I heard you got married."

It was hardly something to congratulate, but Livvy nodded. "I did."

"Ironic, after you yelled at me at my wedding for... what was it? Making myself miserable to make someone else happy?"

Ce should have known she'd bring this up. Livvy sighed and rubbed cer temples. "I married Quinlin for the legal protections. I don't love him, and I'm not pretending I do or deluding myself into thinking I can have the nice heterosexual family the world wants me to have. Our disinterest is mutual. And besides, you chose to make yourself miserable. I was already miserable, so I might as well get tax benefits. It's not like marrying the person I love was an option for me, not after someone took that option away."

Too late, ce realized ce had just told Della ce loved her. This wasn't exactly a sort of romantic confession.

"Well..." Della cleared her throat. "I brought you a gift. Congratulations on the tax benefits, I suppose."

She walked away. Livvy didn't stop her.

___

Prentice was gone, and everything was awful, and Tiergan's Beatles doorbell was ringing, and Livvy was going to murder Alden Vacker. "Fuck off!" ce yelled, swinging the door open to reveal... Della. "Oh! It's you. Never mind."

"Who did you think I was?"

"Your husband. He's been here three times already, trying to apologize and 'make amends,' like anything could possibly replace..."

Della cut cer off. "I'm sorry. I know this obviously isn't amends or a replacement or anything, but I really just want to help in whatever tiny, meaningless way I can, so... I brought you mallowmelt." She held out a container and Livvy took it, thanking her. "How is everyone holding up?"

"About the same," Livvy said, which was to say, fucking horribly.

"I'm sorry," Della said again.

"How is Alden's nose doing?"

"Almost entirely healed."

How dare he be almost healed, when everything else was so broken? Cer grip on the mallowmelt tightened. "Tiergan should have fucked his face up worse," ce muttered.

"I agree." They fell silent, and Della's posture turned rigid, feet shuffling. "Livvy, I have to ask... are you involved with that group Prentice worked with? The Black Swan?"

Panic shot through cer; anger along with it. Ce snapped, "Why do you ask? Reporting back to your husband, so you can destroy our family even more?"

Della took a step back. "No! I wouldn't do that, Livvy, I promise. I- Liv, if you are working with them, and you don't have to tell me, but you have to stop. Stop working with them immediately. After what happened to Prentice, I just- rebellion is dangerous, and I just don't want you to get hurt." How ironic, from the girl who took cer heart and shattered it.

"You don't get to talk. You've already hurt me." With that, Livvy slammed the door shut.

___

Ce wasn’t sure why ce decided to come to Everglen with Quinlin. Talking to Della sounded painful, so why the hell would ce go to her house? Did ce want some semblance of closure? Maybe there was something in Livvy that wanted to be her friend again, wanted… this was a bad idea, and Livvy knew it was a bad idea, but here ce was, behind Quinlin as he rang the doorbell.

Alden answered. “Quinlin!” The look of terror as Quinlin was attacked by a hug and nearly lifted off his feet made Livvy laugh. “And Livvy, hello.”

Ce glared at him and deadpanned “Nice nose you got there, it sure would be a shame if something were to happen to it.”

He backed away from cer. “Again, I am truly sorry about-“

”Whatever. Is Della home?”

”Upstairs, first room on the right.”

Livvy nodded, wiggled cer eyebrows at Quinlin- who still had his arms around Alden and flushed when he saw- and took the stairs two at a time. Only after standing still outside Della’s room for a solid thirty seconds did ce realize that hurrying was a stupid idea. And it was stupid to stand here frozen, afraid. Ce knocked. “Della?”

”Livvy? What are you doing here?”

”Quinlin wanted to stop by and do some… paperwork with Alden. I figured we should talk.”

“I owe you an apology.”

Livvy snorted. “No shit, Sherlock.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you did.”

Sitting down on the bed, Della curled her knees to her chest. Livvy sat down next to her, the distance between them only am excruciating couple of inches. Her voice cracked as she said “I know. Fuck, I know you still got hurt, and I wish you didn’t. I never meant for… any of this to happen. I thought we could just be friends and I wouldn’t like you the way I shouldn’t. Because I’d already resigned myself to the fact that I would marry a man someday and I wouldn’t be happy but being around you… it made me stupid. It made me forget that. So when I fell back to reality, I made you come crashing down with me, and I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t have to make us come crashing down. We could have stayed like that. We could have been happy, but you chose to ruin it.”

“I didn’t have a choice!”

Livvy glared. “Of course you had a choice!”

“You don’t fucking get it!” Della screamed, jumping to her feet.

Deathly quiet, Livvy said “Then explain it to me.”

“Your parents are- your parents are wonderful. They love you. They don’t love you if or love you as long as or love you until. They love you, and they make you happy and you make them happy. I’m glad you have that, but that’s not how things are for me. When I told my parents I liked girls, they told me I had to stop. That Vackers couldn’t be gay. I want to be with you, but you can’t always fucking get what you want.”

Their hands were clasped. When did that happen? Livvy didn’t let go, even though ce knew ce should. Instead, ce laced their fingers together like they were still kids running and laughing through empty hallways and whispered “You deserve to get what you want.”

Della was the one to let go, reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “No. I don’t.”

“Del-"

“I think you should go. I’m sorry, but whatever we might have had… it can’t happen.”

Livvy walked to the door and leaned cer head against it. “I know.”

“Can we still be friends?”

“I think so. I need time.”

“Okay. I understand.”

“Goodbye, Della.”

The step ce took out the door was the hardest movement ce’d ever had to make. Unconvinced ce wouldn't lose this battle with cerself and turn back if given the opportunity, ce took off running, down the stairs, out the door, running away from Della, away from heartbreak, not running fast enough.

___

Their friendship was... awkward, to say the least. It was hard to look Della in the eye, now, and ce had a sneaking suspicion she was avoiding cer gaze too. Every interaction was filled with foot tapping and nervous glances at the clock, a pitiful shadow of the easy friendship they used to have. Other than when Livvy came along with Quinlin to visit Everglen, they almost never spoke, and even then, they spent most of their time baking side by side, in silence, or talking with the kids. The kids were nice; Alvar first, then Fitz and Biana. Della had a husband and three children and looked like the perfect picture of a happy family. She looked happy. But Livvy knew her, or at least thought ce did, and she wasn't happy.

They ran into each other from time to time, and occasionally caught up over coffee in Atlantis. But nothing was like it was before, and Livvy hated it.

When Alden's mind broke, the thought crossed cer mind, that ce should go to Everglen and be there for Della. Offer Natasha the Narwhal and cer shoulder to cry on. But that was something a best friend would do, and they weren't best friends anymore. Acquaintances, at best, and it felt like a punch to the gut when ce remembered... Della wanted to grieve with her family. Livvy was not a part of her family.

Ce left her alone.

"Hey, Dr. Lesbian!" Blur, the first to notice cer walking into Alluveterre, said. "How's it going?"

"Well, Alden is over at our house for some... cognate training, so I decided I'd give them a bit of privacy for their totally-not-gay-not-if-we're-cognate shenanigans." Ce sighed and shook cer head.

The group laughed, and Tiergan shook his head along with cer. "Well, now that you're here, there's probably something we should tell you. We've got a new addition to the Black Swan, and... well, it's Della Vacker. She's here. Don't kill me. If you're going to kill someone for allowing this, kill Forkle." Forkle gave xem an incredulous look, and it would have been funny any other time. Currently, Livvy was busy going through ten different emotions in the span of a second. Shock. Anger. Excitement.

And panic. A lot of panic. "Della Vacker? As in, Radelle Adara Vacker?"

"Her name is Radelle?" Juline asked.

Livvy, still panicking, didn't answer. "As in, the Della I fell in love with and may or may not still be in love with? That Della?"

"The look on your face," Tiergan chuckled.

"Tiergan, this is not funny! My unresolved lesbian ex is now part of my rebellion group! Tiergan! Stop laughing at me! What do I do?" Continuing to laugh, Tiergan did not listen in the slightest. Livvy huffed and began frantically pacing the room, thinking about what ce would do if- when- ce saw Della. Yell at her? Hug her? Both? Just stand there like a fool? This was immensely frustrating. And if Livvy spent the next few weeks rearranging cer schedule with the Black Swan so as not to interrupt with said unresolved lesbian ex, that was no one's business but cer own.

Finally, when Fitz got stabbed by some sort of venomous bug, ce couldn't avoid Della any longer. Livvy tried very hard not to let the fear in her voice break cer heart as she demanded to see if her son was okay. The door clicked open and Wraith walked in with a teary-eyed Della, saying "It's gonna be okay, Dr. Lesbian will take good care of him."

"I did not agree to that code name!" Forkle called, across the hallway.

"Dr. Lesbian is a fantastic code name!" Livvy yelled back.

It was only when Della said "Livvy?" that ce realized, Forkle had a point about the code name giving cer away.

"Guilty as charged."

Della opened her mouth. Closed it again. Repeated the action. Finally, she settled on "I don't know why I'm surprised."

"Yeah, joining a gay rebel group seems right up my alley." Ce scratched the back of cer neck. "Fitz will be okay. It'll suck for a while, but he'll be okay."

"Are you sure?" Her voice shook, and somehow, that convinced Livvy to reach out and take her hand like the idiot lesbian ce was. Never mind the fact that this would surely make things much, much more awkward in the days to come, and would not do anything to resolve these unresolved feelings, Della was in pain and ce wanted to be there for her.

It definitely did not send butterflies spiraling through when she squeezed cer hand back. "Yeah, I'm sure. I've seen way worse."

"Thank you." She let go of cer hand then, and ce tried not to let disappointment sting cer. "I'll... let you concentrate on saving my son, I guess."

Livvy nodded and got back to work. Finally, when ce was confident that Fitz was not in any immediate danger, ce slumped into the seat beside Della. "I think these dumb kids should stop getting injured. This shit is exhausting. At least Elwin's finally catching a break."

"At least Elwin's finally catching a break," she agreed. "I love your code name, by the way."

"That is not cer code name," insisted Forkle.

"Whatever you say, Loki, Dr. Lesbian is a fantastic name."

Della cracked a small smile. "Ce's right." Livvy smiled back, and considering how awkward ce thought it would be to talk to Della again, in reality, it didn't feel that way at all. It felt like coming home.

___

"I've realized there is a bit of tension between some members of this group," Forkle started.

Livvy cut him off with "Nooo, really?" and pretended not to notice Della's eyes on cer.

Like he hadn't heard, Forkle continued "So I thought it would be a good idea to have some time to bond. Tonight, we will be playing monopoly!"

"You realize that's only going to make us hate each other more," Juline said. Everyone else nodded, and Forkle scowled.

"Just enjoy your game night."

And, somehow, they did. Livvy played banker, causing Blur to accuse cer of cheating and Della to accuse him of being a sore loser. Wraith, who was normally anti-capitalist, decided capitalism was fun if it meant he got to beat Tiergan at monopoly. The group yelled insults and threw pieces at each other and Livvy laughed until cer throat hurt. Ce couldn't remember having this much fun in a... in a really long time.

"Eat the rich!" Della screamed as Livvy counted out cer money.

Juline smirked. "You want to eat Livvy?"

As her face turned bright red, ce could barely breathe through laughter. Ce fell over onto Della's shoulder, gasping for air. "You should see the look on your face," ce managed. Della sighed and shook her head, eyes filled with fondness. When ce could finally breathe, ce stayed on her shoulder, smiling softly and staring at the ceiling. This was... this was nice.

Oh.

Oh shit.

Oh fuck.

"Why am I such an idiot?" Livvy whined as Elwin took a seat, or what passed for a seat among queers, between cer and Tiergan.

"Because this group of people has one brain cell and most of the time, I have it. What's the occasion?"

Resting cer chin in cer palms, ce said "I may or may not still be in love with Della."

"Were you not already aware of this?" Tiergan asked.

"No? I mean, I knew there were some unresolved feelings, but this is... I'm in love in love."

Xe shook his head. "You are... absolutely blind. Did you not... how. How is that possible. Any time she's in a room with you, you don't pay attention to anything except sending her longing glances. Sophie picked up on the fact that there was something going on between you two, do you know how rare that is?"

"Okay, you do not get to lecture me on longing glances sent within this gay rebellion group," Livvy said before letting out a cough that sounded much like Prentice Endal.

"At least I'm aware that I'm gay for him!"

Elwin laughed and said "I'd be concerned if you weren't."

Ce turned to them. "You're the only functional person here! The one with the braincell! Help, what do I do?" They only shrugged in response, and Livvy rubbed cer temples. "Please, Elwin, I am having a gay crisis!"

"When are you not?"

They had a point. Livvy groaned and slumped over onto them. "Della fucking Vacker. Why does my dumb lesbian heart keep liking her? Fuck. I know letter her into my heart means she can break it, and she already has, but- fuck! I'd let her destroy it again if that meant we got to be happily in love first. Why can't I stop being in love with her? This is so fucking annoying."

"More and more I see the wisdom in abandoning romance, collecting stuffed animals, and adopting children," sighed Elwin.

Tiergan nodded. "You are absolutely correct."

"I should try that, but no, Della has to be really hot! How is it even possible for her to be that hot! This is so unfair! Why must I be a stupid lesbian cursed with a goddess of an ex?"

"Yeah, that sucks," said Elwin.

Ce sighed. "No shit."

___

Ce woke to the sound of Juline screaming. "Dr. Lesbian! Get your ass over to Everglen! Della's hurt!" As ce scrambled to get cer supplies together at a speed ce hadn't previously thought was possible, the words echoed, drowning everything else out; Della's hurt, Della's hurt, Della's hurt. Cer Della. Hurt.

"Shit, fuck-" It was a miracle ce didn't break anything, with the number of times Livvy tripped over cer own feet while running into Everglen. "Della! Della!" In cer interview, ce'd prided cerself on quick thinking in stressful situations. But this? This was a stressful situations ce could not think quickly in. Pretty girls were cer only weakness, after all. As ce began tending to the worst of her wounds, a gash just above her hip, Juline filled cer in on the situation. A Neverseen attack. Biana was also hurt, and Elwin was taking care of aer.

Livvy swept a strand of hair out of Della's face, revealing a purple bruise on her chin. "Don't you dare die on me," ce whispered, voice thick with tears.

"Hey," came a quiet voice from behind cer, as ce triple-checked that the cabinet had all the medicines ce thought they'd need. Ce turned around. Elwin. "Liv, you should go... eat. Or get some rest, or really just... anything in the interest of self preservation."

"Absolutely not. I'm busy with Della preservation."

They sighed. "Okay, but when Della wakes and finds out I let you do a shit job taking care of yourself, she's gonna kill me. And she is terrifying."

"She is, isn't she?" Livvy said, a fond smile on cer face.

"Of course that's attractive to you. Allos are weird."

"Damn right. But what makes you think Della would kill you over my shit self care? It's not like she cares about me."

Elwin sighed again, longer this time. "Livvy. Liv. I say this with all the love in my heart, but you are the stupidest person I've ever met."

"Rude!"

"Yeah, but it's true. The whole damn time, she's cared about you so much."

Livvy looked over at Della, still asleep. "If she cared, why did she hurt me?"

"Because she was afraid of how much she loved you."

That made sense, and Livvy was absolutely done talking about this. "I'm gonna go to Kesler's store to restock on some elixirs, okay?"

"Stop running away from your feelings!"

"Absolutely the fuck not!"

Ce tried, ce really did. But the thing about Della was, no matter how much Livvy tried to run, it was damn near impossible to stay away.

___

It was unclear whether ce was asleep, but a soft "Liv?" immediately got cer attention.

"Della!?"

The grin that split her face was, hands down, the most beautiful thing ce had ever seen. "Livvy."

"You- you're okay." Cer hands clapped to cer mouth.

"Okay is debatable. But I'm alive."

Half a laugh, half a sob, bubbled out. "You are. If you died, I would have brought you back just to kill you myself. Never scare me like that again, Radelle Adara Vacker, I was so fucking scared." Livvy reached out and took her hand in cers. "No more almost dying, you promise?"

"I promise."

"I'm gonna hold you to that."

Della's cheeks flushed pink. "Is Biana okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Elwin's been taking good care of aer."

She nodded, sighing with relief. Tension returned to her shoulders as she struggled to a sitting position and said "There's something I should tell you."

"Okay."

"So, I was planning to tell you... in the ambiguous later. Which might have been code for never, but I thought I would have an eternity to try. After this, though... I guess I might not have an eternity to try. I guess later might not be guaranteed. So. I'm gonna tell you now. Except I'm not, because I'm stalling. Which I should probably stop doing, so, here goes. Livvy, I've been scared of you for... a really long time. At first, I was scared of you because you were really cute and I would get flustered around you. And then I got to know you, and it scared me because... because I knew I wasn't supposed to love you, and I did. And I do."

Almost to cerself, Livvy repeated "And you do." It was impossible to believe, that after everything-

Something in cer heart splintered and came back together, all at once.

Della tugged at the frayed edges of her sleeves. "I'm still scared, I think. But, you know, I've been thinking about mortality and everything, and... if I don't know how much time I have left, I don't want to spend that time living a life I don't even want because I'm too afraid of what I feel for you."

"About time," Livvy said, trying to keep cer voice light, but cer breath caught as ce leaned in closer. Their noses were close to touching.

"So... I'm going to file a match fail with Alden. And then, I might try living the life I actually want."

Ce reaches out, fingers tracing Della's cheek. "And who might that life include?"

"Oh, there's this person I like... ce's a doctor, and ce's so smart but also kind of a disaster. It's cute. Ce doesn't put up with anyone's bullshit, and ce was the first person to tell me that what I wanted mattered. I think ce might have been right. I should probably listen to cer."

"You should."

"I kind of want to kiss cer."

Hardly daring to breathe, Livvy repeated "You should."

The gap between them closed, and Livvy was finally home.

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

The Senator and The Chiss

Until We Meet Again: Part 1/?

Thrawn x Senator!Reader, Female Pronouns

Summary: You are a newly appointed Senator of you home planet, trying your best to make it through Ascension week in one piece. Things take a turn for the interesting when you meet a Lieutenant of the Imperial Navy unlike any you have seen before.

Loosely based on an anon request.

A/N: I’m not exactly sure where this is going. I plan this to be a series of one shots revolving around this Senator!Reader. If your interested in reading more about her and Thrawn, feel free to send any request my way! And remember REBLOG AND COMMENT IF YOU LIKE THIS!!!

Word Count: 2.6K

Ascension week was proving to be more exhausting than you had anticipated.

You understood what was expected of you and had mentally prepared to be on your feet for every day of the celebrations. But after only three days, the names and faces were starting to blur together until nothing mattered except going home and finally getting some sleep.

You clung to the sides of the ballroom, enjoying the moment’s peace while you could. You had long forgotten where exactly you were or even the host’s name. A twist of guilt resided in your stomach because of it. With any luck you could remain anonymous for another hour or so, as to not appear rude when you left early. The dress and hairpiece you were wearing, however, were making things difficult.

The wardrobe was ceremonial in nature, meant to mark you as a leader of your people. The dress was perfectly tailored to your figure with vibrant greens interwoven with golden and silver thread sewn together in a striking pattern. An elaborate crown was braided into your hair making it appear as if golden vines resided there blooming with silver flowers. It was a striking sight, meant to represented the life of your homeworld and the pride of your people.

Governor Lir had declared you a vision when you had arrived, assuring you were a testimate to Danu and would be the talk of Courscant.

You had thanked him, but knew his words rung partially false. Even when your aids had finished the final touches, you could feel yourself being buried under the weight of the dress. The metal vines poked and pulled at your scalp. You had almost tripped upon first entering the ballroom. If it weren’t for having Governor Lir’s arm, you would have fallen. It was obvious to any with a pair of eyes, and especially yourself; the dress was wearing you rather than you wearing it.

Perhaps you just needed practice. You had only been Senator of Danu for a handful of months and had just settled into your office on Courscant a few weeks ago. It would take time to adjust. But as you looked over the sea of people in the ballroom, all veteran politicians, military men, and various other powerful figures, it was becoming clear time wasn’t on your side.

You took a sip of your wine. Maybe you could convince Governor Lir you needed to rest. Surely he had introduced you to enough people for the evening.

You spotted him across the room, engaged with a handful of other Outer Rim governors.

It would have to wait. You didn’t want to be accidently sucked into another trade routes discussion, if you could help it.

You continued to walk until you came across a set of heavy curtains. They appeared hastily put up. Peaking out of one of the corners you could just make out the bright colors of some kind of mural. Most likely the host didn’t have time to finish it before the start of Ascension week. Regardless, it was exactly the reprieve you needed. Taking a quick glance to make sure you wouldn’t be seen, you ducked under and out of sight.

You turned to face the wall, not wanting to risk backing into wet paint. But, as your eyes adjusted to the dim light, it was clear such precaution was not necessary.

The mural was old, much older than any of the other paintings and portraits placed around the ballroom. The color was starting to fade, but their vibrancy would not die an easy death.

The entire wall was covered in what could only be an ancient star map. Circles and lines weaved along, connecting worlds and stars and planets together in a delicate dance. Each planet stood bodly on their own while still emphasising the importance of the lines connecting them to the rest.

You took a small step back, craning your neck to try and catch every brush stroke. It was then you noticed fresh paint along the corners. At first you assumed it was restoration, but as you examined closer, the darker, subtler color scheme told you otherwise.

A small sting of pain came to your heart. They were painting over it.

The rustle of fabric interrupted your thoughts. You turned toward the sound, an apology ready on your lips when they froze there in wonder.

A new party had entered your sanctuary, but he was unlike anyone you had ever seen.

He was alien, a rarity you had found at events such as these during your short time on Coruscant, but he didn't belong to any species you could name. His humanoid appearance and blue skin should have pointed clearly toward a Pantoran. But his face lacked the usual golden facial tattoos. More importantly his eyes weren’t the usual black or gold; they were a glowing red.

He stood tall exuding an air of confidence which left you transfixed. At first you thought he might be a general or even a prince. But, his uniform and plaque marked him as a Lieutenant of the Imperial Navy.

It felt wrong, somehow.

You blinked, suddenly realizing how long you had been staring. The only comfort you could find was that he had been staring back.

“I’m sorry,” you said, automatically. “Was this your hiding place?”

You held back a wince at your own words. Why would someone like him need to hide?

To your relief, he did not seem to take offence as his lip curled into a mildly amused expression. “No,” he said, in accented Basic. “I was merely hoping for a chance to admire the artwork. Though, it appears I have stumbled upon your hiding place.”

Your eyes darted down in embarrassment. “It was not my intention for it to be so. I just needed a moment to breathe and well…” You looked back toward the painting, and the same regretful pain tugged at your heart once more.

“I will leave you to it, then,” the alien said. He turned to leave, and a sudden panic took you.

“There’s no need,” you said, quickly. “Please, there is more than enough room for two and you may not have another opportunity.”

He paused a moment. His expression was unreadable as his red eyes gazed directly into yours.

You found yourself holding your breath, not even daring to blink.

Then, slowly, he nodded and took a place by your side.

You stood in silence, each allowing the other to observe the mural in peace.

It was actually rather pleasant. You hadn’t realized how long it had been since you had a comfortable silence with someone.

“What do you know of this painting,” he asked.

His tone was surprisingly soft. If he hadn’t addressed you directly, you would have assumed he was asking himself.

“Not much I’m afraid,” you answered. “Judging by how faded it is and the subject matter, I would guess it was commissioned well before The Clone War.”

“That was my conclusion as well. You have a fondness for that era, I take it.”

You gave a small frown. “What makes you say that?”

“You were facing the mural instead of the entrance,” he said, not bothering to take his gaze from the wall. “For one reason or another, this piece overshadowed your desire to remain hidden.”

Your stomach twisted uncomfortably at the truth of his statement as your cheeks grew warm. “I suppose you’re right. In truth, I have a fondness for any era of peace in our galaxy’s history. The Republic was so for nearly a millennium…” You stopped then, a familiar lump forming in your throat. “Until it wasn’t.”

“And what of the Empire?”

You shrugged, swallowing the lump as best you could. “Too soon to tell.”

He said nothing for a moment. His eyes still remained on the mural, but you knew he had taken your words into serious consideration. To what end, you could only guess.

“What other thoughts do you have on the painting?” he asked.

“How do you mean?”

“What do you see? What do you believe drew you to it in the first place?”

He settled his eyes on your now, with just the same focused attention as he had the wall.

“You me aside from its use as an ideal hiding place,” you asked.

His lip twisted upward slightly. “Yes, aside from that.”

You nodded, and allowed yourself a moment to ponder the question. Your eyes wandered again to the mural, to the shapes and colors and the looming ridged strokes along the edges.

“I think it has more to do with the contrast of what is to come,” you said, thoughtfully. “A riot of color rebelling against the darkness.”

You turned your eye to his. They seemed to burn in the dim light. For a moment, you thought you might burn yourself. You looked away, suddenly feeling very small and childish in your explanation.

“But, I am no expert.”

“Perhaps not,” he conceded. “But your answer is telling, nonetheless.”

Your back stiffened, and you raised your chin a little higher. “Do you presume to know me Lieutenant?”

“No,” he said, calmly. “I would not presume to know anything without more data.”

“But you have come to some conclusions.”

“Theories.”

“Which are?”

You were standing even straighter now. You would not allow yourself to be intimidated, especially by a man you barely knew.

He paused then. Something in his expression faltered, as if taken by surprise.

A small swell of pride came to your chest. You had a suspicion surprise was a foreign emotion to the alien.

It only lasted a moment and the impenetrable mask reclaimed its place on his features.

“As I said, I cannot make any certain claims,” he said, carefully. “I can only speculate. But I believe I am correct in saying, you are much bolder than you allow yourself to be.”

You blinked in wonder, not knowing entirely what to say. Slowly, you regained control of your vocabulary. “I will take it under consideration.”

He gave small nod in acknowledgement.

Another silence fell between you. It was not as comfortable as the last one. A new tension was in the air. What it was, you couldn’t name. All you knew was your ears were growing deadly hot.

“For such an intimate evaluation of my character, it feels odd I don’t know your name,” you said, in a light tone.

“Then, allow me to provide a remedy.” He straightened to attention. “I am Lieutenant Thrawn, first weapon’s officer of the Blood Crow, Imperial Navy. And, you?”

You matched him, straightening your posture and holding your head high as if to present yourself to a King. “I am Senator Y/N of Danu,” you said, with a curtsey. “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance Lieutenant Thrawn.”

“The pleasure is mine, Senator.”

The amused line had made its way back onto his lips.

It was a small change, but you instantly fell at ease making your next question easier to bear.

“Forgive me if I sound ignorant,” you said. “And please know I mean no disrespect. But, I do not believe I’ve seen a member of your species before. May I ask where you come from?”

“There is nothing to forgive,” Thrawn assured. “I’m afraid you would not have heard of my home planet as it is not on any of your star maps. I can, however, tell you that I am Chiss.”

You felt your eyes widen. “Chiss?”

He raised an eyebrow. “You’ve heard of the Chiss?”

“Only stories, folk tales really.” You were gawking now, you knew you were, but it couldn’t be helped. “I wasn’t entirely convinced you were real.”

“Indeed,” he said. “And how did a senator come to hear such stories?”

“Danu is part of the Outer Rim, boarding Wild Space,” you explained, mentally shaking yourself out of your shock. “My family has employed a number of traders who have explored the Unknown Region looking for hyperspace lanes or even just new trading partners. They all come back with stories.”

“Which you were inclined to listen too.”

You shrugged. “A good story is a good story, it doesn’t matter where it came from or how true it is. Although, it appears some of them may be.”

“Perhaps,” he said, thoughtfully. “I would be interested to hear these stories. A small handful have been relayed to be by my translator, Ensign Vanto. I am curious what similarities and differences may arise after comparing them to another source.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of your mouth. “And I would be fascinated to hear the stories straight from the Gualaar’s mouth,” you said. “But before we begin, I have one more question to ask of you.”

“Which is?”

“What do you think of the mural?”

Thrawn paused, his brow furrowing slightly.

“You were able to deduce some of my character from the exercise,” you said. “It’s only fair I be given the same opportunity.”

Thrawn again, said nothing. Finally he nodded. “You’re quite right.”

He was quite a long moment.

You could see the wheels of his mind turning behind his eyes. You would have given anything to know exactly what he was thinking. But as was becoming a habit, you could only guess.

Another moment passed before he blinked smoothly back to reality.

“I believe you and I see much the same thing,” he said. “But our conclusions differ as to their ultimate meaning.”

You felt your lips purse at his rather cryptic answer. You were about to ask him what exactly he meant when the curtains behind you parted.

“Lieutenant Thrawn,” an older man snapped. “I’ve been looking… Oh, my apologies.”

He faltered slightly upon seeing you, but soon gained his footing as he stood to attention.

“No need to apologize, Colonel,” Thrawn said. “Allow me to introduce Senator Y/N of Danu. Senator, this is Colonel Yularen of the ISB.”

The Colonel gave a small bow in greeting. “An honor, Senator.”

“The honor is mine,” you replied. “In truth, I should be apologizing to you. It seems I’ve distracted the Lieutenant from his duties.”

“Only for a moment,” the Colonel said, in a good natured, but firm tone which oddly reminded you of your grandfather. “But, I’m afraid I will have to steal him away from you.”

“Of course,” you said, even if you felt a small prick of pain at the loss.

He looked to Thrawn. “Lieutenant.”

“One moment, Colonel,” Thrawn said, as he turned his attention to you. “I would like to continue our discussion at a later date. Is there a time and place convenient for you?”

“I will be attending gatherings every evening this week,” you said, trying to repress the sudden surge of excitement bubbling beneath the surface. “However, I will be in my office tomorrow afternoon, if you can spare the time.”

“I am certain I can. Until tomorrow Senator.”

“Until tomorrow.”

He gave a small bow and turned to follow Colonel Yularen back into the light of the ballroom.

You stood there a moment reeling from the experience. So many questions buzzed in your mind each fighting for your attention until they became a jumbled mess. He thought you were bold?

You shook the thought away, but it didn’t stop your cheeks from growing warm once again.

Perhaps it was too soon to tell, but you had a strange feeling you would be seeing much more of Lieutenant Thrawn than just your upcoming meeting. You weren’t sure what to make of the sensation that now beat fast in your heart. All you could do was wait and see what the galaxy had in store.

Taking a small breath, you step forward towards the light. Your dress felt lighter now. The crown upon your head did not pull and prod. Your steps were smooth and easy.

However this played out, it was certain to be interesting.