#some stuff i think it'll still be like Good just not things i particularly care about re-reading

[autumnrory]

i went ahead and put my newer books in their respective places as well so now the dvds are kind of ruined but they already had to be stacked anyway and i KNOW there are books on my shelf i won't want anymore once i reread them it's just a matter of doing it

but yeah my collection has grown quite a bit between enjoying the shopaholic and shadow and bone series and then filling in everything i was missing in just a couple years plus other random books here and there like i WILL get it down (the dream would be just for a time to have everything on my one big shelf but ya know who can say if that's feasible) but yeah right now between presents and book fairs or just getting things for myself it's definitely increased a lot in a pretty short amount of time

[yanyandam]

helloo! i hope you're having a nice day and you're doing well<33, is it alright if i request hcs for draken mikey being friends w sort of social recluse/lonely reader? i totally understand if you aren't super interested in writing this, take care!!<3

Hey!! Hope you're having a nice day/evening too! here, I hope it'll make you happy! love yaaa, as a pretty lonely person I recognized myself a lot in this lol Btw. i am ALWAYS interested in writing stuff to comfort people. Dont worry hehe

DRAKEN AND MIKEY WITH A SOCIALLY RECLUSIVE!READER

DRAKEN thinks you’re quiet. Not in a bad way; like ‘doesn’t talk if unnecessary’ quiet’, which he thinks is a good thing. He gets it, he also only speaks if needed. He watches, he notices small things, and he’s pretty sure it’s the same for you. Your eyes seem smart, and soft: which worries him. This world doesn’t go easy on soft things. Oh but if anyone tries to mess with you…they’ll learn pretty fast that softness doesn’t mean weakness. Not with him around.

-He gives you quiet protection. You catch people backing off when you're near him, even though he doesn’t say a word. You once heard a guy mutter, “That’s the one Draken watches over. Don’t mess with them.” -He shares food with you like it’s nothing. You're sitting alone eating your lunch, and he silently places some warm food next to you, sits down, and says, “Yours looked sad.” -He lets you hide behind his rep. When a teacher tries to call you out for skipping class, Ken appears behind you. One glare from him, and the teacher just… walks away. -He teaches you self-defense (gruffly). He notices you flinch when people get too close. One day, he grabs your wrist (gently, despite his usual vibe) and shows you how to break out of a hold. “Next time, don’t freeze.” -He sits next to you silently until you open up. When you’re feeling particularly isolated, he finds you on the rooftop. He doesn’t talk, just sits, legs hanging off the edge. After a long silence, he says, “Let’s just not give a fuck about anything” like it’s the wisest thing he’s said -He deadpans with a sly smirk when you surprise him. You make a clever jab at someone, and he stares at you for a second before letting out a low chuckle. “Didn’t know you had fangs. Nice.”

You still remember that one day. The rooftop was empty when you pushed open the rusted door. You come up here a lot to avoid people, the way they stare, the way they expect things from you when you don’t even know how to exist properly. You don’t realize he’s already there until you hear the soft crunch of a chip bag. Draken.

He’s leaning against the wall, one leg propped up, eating shrimp chips like he’s been here forever. His eyes slide to you, expression unreadable, but he doesn’t say anything. Just scoots over slightly, barely noticeable, and goes back to munching. You hesitate. Then sit. Minutes pass.

“You come up here every day, is it for the dead plant over there?” he says, deadpan. You blink at the plant. “Trying to magically revive it or bury it?”

“Uh…Who knows…” you mutter. A beat. He leans back, tilting his head to the sun. “It’s stubborn. Like you.” You glance at him. “Is that a compliment?”

He smirks faintly. “Wouldn’t waste my breath if it wasn’t.” The silence that follows isn’t awkward, it’s calm. Like he’s giving you space without making it feel like space. Before you leave, he tosses a sealed juice box at you. “For the plant,” he says. But you know better.

Mikey thinks you’re like an XL cat! (A stray one. Who’s been through a lot.) You gotta sit real still and not make eye contact or they’ll run off. But when they do come close? Dude. It’s like winning the lottery. He thinks you’re super cool and wonders if you realize that! He wants to make you laugh more often. He thinks you really, really deserve it. Doesn’t care how many dumb jokes and games it takes. You’re like his friend forever, and ever. No choice.

-He treats you like a rare Pokemon. “You’re laughing!” he’d yell across the classroom. You hide your face, dying inside. While he laughs uncontrollably, it’s honestly cute. -He drags you everywhere like a backpack. “Come oooon, we’re going to the arcade!” Before you can say no, he’s already got your hand and is running, laughing like a maniac. No chance of escape. -He gets way too excited when you talk. You speak up in group convo, and he gasps like you just performed a magic trick. He fist bumps you so hard it nearly dislocates your shoulder. -He defends you without even knowing why. Someone tries to mess with you and he instantly goes full pitbull. “Got a problem?” Then turns to you like, “Were they your friend or somethin’? …Oops?” -He tries to make you laugh every chance he gets. Falls dramatically in the hallway, pretends to be dead. “This is how I die. Tell Draken I think all the women at his place are hot” You try not to smile. He definitely saw it. -He offers affection!! “You looked kinda down, so here!” He hands you a candy wrapper with a smiley face drawn on it. “It’s magic, it’ll keep bad vibes away!”

…

“Just trust me, okay?!”

Mikey’s dragging you through a glowing maze of arcade lights and screaming machines, his energy way too big for the narrow walkway. People move out of his way like he’s a tank. “I don’t even play games,” you protest.

“That’s a lie. You’re gonna DESTROY this one. I can feel it.” He plants you in front of a dance machine. “Go on. Just follow the arrows!”

You blink. “I’m not doing this.”

He gasps. “You have to. It’s life or death now.” You roll your eyes, but step up. He squeals like it’s Christmas. And when you stomp awkwardly through your first song, cheeks burning, he claps and yells, “THAT’S MY FRIEND!! LEGENDARY!!” like you just won gold. He laughs like a maniac again.

Somehow… you’re smiling.

[niiwa-angel]

I love the potential world building aspect for the humans living in any transformers media, because it's a fucking hilarious concept.

I like to think the Cybertronians are the governments of the world's worst kept secrets. Like, in his first scene in the Bayverse Transformers Movie, Bumblebee drove onto the lot literally as Sam was already there, slammed his door into the car next to him, and then blew out the windows of every other car on the lot because he needed to go with Sam but his dad didn't wanna fork over an extra $1000. Then in that SAME MOVIE, he kicks Sam and Mikayla out of his cab in the middle of the street, because Mikayla called him "a piece of shit Camero" only to return less than two minutes later, stunt driving, as a newer model of a Camero.

Not to mention, the Decepticons don't exactly try to hide. Not for long anyway. And I chuckle to think what they were doing off screen before the movie even started. In fact, in pretty much any transformers media I've seen (admittedly it's been a while for the cartoons but still) the Decepticons just fucked around. They did not have a fuck to give about whether or not they were seen by humans.

So I imagine, if you're anybody with Internet access anywhere in the world, you probably know that there are giant alien robots just lurking around. Car does something weird on the roadway in front of you? Get out your phone, there's not an non-zero chance it'll transform and you can go internet famous. Go to an air show? Keep an eye out for any particularly flashy planes, it may be Starscream.

I also think the Autobots would try and copy humans to some extent. Jazz watches a human rip open a package with their teeth and he starts mimicking it. When in Rome, do as the Romans after all. Or Ironhide sees humans step on pop/beer cans when finished drinking them and starts doing that with empty oil barrels. It's funny but it also makes every human around them VERY conscious of the fact that these guys could easily kill them if they wanted to.

BUT! Humans will pack bond with literally anything. So for the humans who live near the Autobots, I'd like to think they're just part of the community. Your elderly parent/grandparent needs a ride to a medical appointment but you work full time and don't want to pay for a cab? Call one of the Autobots. Your family member will get there and back safely but they do not get to pick the music. The streets and sidewalks are always clear of snow because the Autobots took over road clearing since they fucking hate winter. People leave jugs of oil, WD40, and scrap metal in their front lawns because the Autobots eat and drink those things. The drive in theaters was going to go out of business, since most people don't use them anymore, but the big robots like it so the community just agrees to keep it open for them.

If one of them hands you a grocery list and some money, just go get their stuff for them. They don't fit in human stores but they do sometimes need stuff. Be a good neighbour to your local alien robot.

And can you IMAGINE the pranks the younger generations can get up to with more of the care free bots? Senior prank day just got a lot more intense. Jazz lifted a principals care up onto the school roof once because the seniors bribed him with old car parts to eat. Rachet walls outside one morning to find that someone has painted a local statue yellow and black (no idea who that could have been) and Optimus is constantly getting calls because Mirage is impersonating a police car to scare people into slowing down.

But if every human living near the Autobots, I think the kids would love them the most. And the adults know that and exploit it as much as possible. Reading challenge at the nearby elementary school? Optimus was a librarian, everyone go outside and he's going to give us a lecture on the importance of reading. Rachet is also there to stress the importance of good posture while we're at it.

[imbecominggayer]

How To Write Characters With Addiction

From @differentnighttale: "I am curious if you give advice about writing people with addictions for example substance. I have reasons my male MC does it. But how can I describe the addictions the MC has correctly."

In this post we are going to be talking about addiction! From alcoholism, substance abuse, nymphomania, to everything else that can be a possible addiction. This post will be all about making this realistic and complex :)

A) What Are The Benefits?, Make It Convincing

Grab a fucking piece of paper or whatever you have and just write a paragraph from your addict's perspective on the situation. Omit the bad stuff. Make it highly convincing. if you aren't thinking "hmm, understandable" after you've written and read it, you did it wrong.

What do they get out of it?

Why did they like it at first?

Are they calmer, more intensely concentrated, does it take the edge off?

Are they more confident?

Does it ease the sense of being fundamentally wrong or dull some other pain?

Is it fun to do something rebellious?

What made them like this thing so much they tried it again, and again, and again?

B) Think About The Consequences, And Ignore It

Oftentime, at least in my experience, people will continue with a bad habit if it means they don't have to be the one to think about the consequences.

The Consequences For Addiction Include:

Financial. Depending on what your character uses to get their fix and how much they use, they might be spending hundreds a week if they are a particularly aggressive user. People often steal money from their loved ones. Addiction also tends to get people fired. Write a scene where your drunk character gets fired for operating machinery. Have them be a burdenous sponge.

Social. It's common for addicts to lose their loved ones since it often gets to a point where it's impossible to care about these people despite how much you love them. Make love ones leave your character! And don't blame them

Physical. STDs, Overdose, Liver Failure, and a shit ton of other issues from the chronic to the fatal either cause, exacerbate, or are linked with addiction. Recovery can't automatically save your character so don't write that story.

Psychological. Being an addict isn't fun since you get to struggle with points 1, 2, and 3 all at the same time! Write about your character issues. Their lack of control. Their spiralling life.

Write all about your character's suffering. And then have them justify it. Make it convincing.

They need it. It's not their fault that this is the only that helps them! Everyone just doesn't get it. I'm trying to work on it, OK?! It'll all work out! They know that it's wrong but...

My most hated shit is when a character's arc is easy. They struggle with some things like a big dramatic argument with their wife, they cry a bit, and then they learn that "drugs are bad" so everything is fine :D

NO!!! Why don't you write about a friendship that doesn't get mended? A chronic illness they now have to pay huge medicine bills for? A fucked-up rap sheet that they can't escape?

And it's not because we want to punich addicts. It's because it doesn't matter if you care about addicts if you don't care about the messy shit!

It's easy to sympathize with an addict if you make them the most innocent victim who never hurts someone intentionally and who gets rid of the addiction in a second and never struggles with it ever again!

Do the hard shit. Make your readers sympathize with the unsympathetic asshole addict! Addicts aren't always good people! They can be dickbags. And they still deserve resources. Life isn't some kind of karma game where dickbags suffer and good people rise! Everyone deserves to not suffer!

Addiction is ultimately a disease. But it's a disease that can make someone you love into an absolutely unlikeable person. And this is coming from someone with an alcoholic dad <3 He does good things and bad things. I can sympathise with my dad and not let him walk all over me.

C) Withdrawal Is Leaving An Ex, Relapse Is Returning

Addiction is a motherfucker trying to leave. It's basically the equivalent of a clingy ex who keeps contacting you, asking for just one conversation, and the moment you so much as acknowledge them you are fucked.

And suffering the brunt of a clingy ex who won't take the hint tends to cause the same symptoms as withdrawal!

Obviously, withdrawal symptoms depend on what type of ex you have and what age you are and yada yada yada. Research for specificity :)

Withdrawal symptoms can include:

Headaches

Insomnia

Fatigue

Hallucinations

Seizures

Tremors

Cravings

etc.

BE AWARE: Relapses are when someone returns back to their drug if they were going cold turkey or going back to their original dose. Relapses can sometimes result in an overdose due to the fact that the brain has been weened off the substance and is now overwhelmed by the high dose.

Relapses often happen when a person makes the deliberate choice in order to stop these fucking nightmarish symptoms. To use the analogy of a clingy ex, you start talking to them in order to tell them to stop contacting.

Relapses can also happen through being in a setting where the behaviors associated with the addiction such as sex, gambling, drinking, substance use, and all manner of things are normalized.

This setting could be a party, a bar, or even a friend group.

Relapse is made more likely if someone is self-detoxing away from a support group or a doctor.

Writing about withdrawal and relapses are an important part in making a story feel more authentic. Just like with mental illness, people rarely learn the lesson and follow it perfectly. They make mistakes. Slip back into old habits. Do shitty things.

We aren't writing their suffering to punish them. We are doing it because you can't say you care if all you are willing to do is look at the easy parts.

D) Little Tidbits To Keep Track Off

This is the miscellanious things that didn't fit into their own boxes.

Friends!

Do they have friends who also have their addiction? How do they hang out? What are they like? How are their substance using friends different from their non-addict ones?

Slang!

Don't just look up slang for your substance of choice. You'll need to look at some first-hand accounts of addiction. Find an influence who has struggled with substance abuse in the past and see how they talk about it!

Variables!

Remember to keep their geographical location, socioeconomic status, time, and a host of other factors. If your character is a penniless alcoholic then it's unlikely they'll get their hands on some type of expensive gin. They'll probably use rubbing alcohol. Keep the price of your drug in mind.

A character's status will also impact their slang. No one unironically says doobie anymore.

A character's location will also impact how they get their shit and how other characters will react to that addiction.

A character's financial status also impacts how the consequences of their actions impact them. A low-income character wont be able to afford the same medication as a rich addict. They also won't have the same luxury for quality therapy, rehab, programs, time, anything really.

Look At The Addict And The Loved Ones

Try not the skew the reality of addiction to paint the addict as the victim and the loved ones as evil for not being forgiving and tolerant enough.

Keep sympathy for both the addict and the loved ones. Or drop sympathy for both of those characters.

E) RESOURCES

FDA and DEA online databases and drug resources

Social Networking Groups

Medical Journals

Local medical professionals, police, and medical examiners

The US national poison center

[lupinmoonlights]

Dear Remus,

Winter is slowly dying here. Nature is coming back to life, but I'm not. You, of all people, would understand. The world feels harsher these days, colder. But in the corners of my mind, I still find you. You were never here. Not really. But somehow, you are.

I miss things I've never had. Conversations we've never spoken. Your presence that was never mine to know. Since I don't know how else to say it, I am ending this with my favourite passages from the books. The ones where you felt closest. The ones where you made the world feel a little warmer, a little softer.

Happy birthday Remus <3

Professor Lupin was breaking an enormous slab of chocolate into pieces. "Here," he said to Harry, handing him a particularly large piece. "Eat it. It'll help." PoA, p.68 Professor Lupin was breaking an enormous slab of chocolate into pieces. "Here," he said to Harry, handing him a particularly large piece. "Eat it. It'll help." PoA, p.68

"I was hoping that Neville would assist me with the first stage of the operation," he said, "and I am sure he will perform it admirably." PoA, p.107

A ray of wintery sunlight fell across the classroom, illuminating Lupin's gray hairs and the lines on his young face. PoA, p.155

"I have complete confidence in you," said Lupin, smiling. "Here -- you've earned a drink - something from the Three Broomsticks. You won't have tried it before --" He pulled two bottles out of his briefcase. "Butterbeer!" said Harry, without thinking. "Yeah, I like that stuff!" Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Oh - Ron and Hermione brought me some back from Hogsmeade," Harry lied quickly. "I see," said Lupin, though he still looked slightly suspicious. "Well -- let's drink to a Gryffindor victory against Ravenclaw! Not that I'm supposed to take sides, as teacher… " he added hastily. PoA, p.204-205

“Remus says you’re a good flier,” said Kingsley Shacklebolt in his deep voice. “He’s excellent,” said Lupin, who was checking his watch. OotP, p.51

“It looks wonderful, Molly,” said Lupin, ladling stew onto a plate for her and handing it across the table. OotP, p.84

“Oh �� oh — oh!” gulped Mrs. Weasley, and she broke into a storm of crying, her face in her hands. “Molly,” said Lupin bleakly, walking over to her, “Molly, don’t…” Next second she was sobbing her heart out on Lupin’s shoulder. “Molly, it was just a boggart,” he said soothingly, patting her on the head. “Just a stupid boggart…” OotP, p.176

“And as for who’s going to look after Ron and Ginny if you and Arthur died,” said Lupin, smiling slightly, “what do you think we’d do, let them starve?” OotP, p.177

Lupin strolled away from the bed and over to the werewolf, who had no visitors and was looking rather wistfully at the crowd around Mr. Weasley; OotP, p.507

“Take care, Harry,” said Lupin quietly. “Keep in touch.” OotP, p. 870

Take care, Remus.

[whumpdoyoumean]

Imagine Caretaker drawing a nice hot bath for Whumpee, complete with lavender scented epsom salts…

You are so correct, Anon. Here, have this (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

~

"Hey," Carer says gently. "I drew you a bath."

Whumpee looks up from the couch, their hand draped over their forehead, and grimaces. "I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't really feel like getting up."

Looking at Whumpee, Carer can't say they're surprised. Whumpee is in rough shape, the evidence of their run-in the previous evening displayed on their face in the form of a split lip and black eye. They'd rinsed most of the blood away last night, but some of the stuff is still visible at one temple and down their neck and matting their hair. Carer sighs, stepping further into the room.

"Water's hot, but it won't be for long. Come on, I'll help you."

Whumpee closes their eyes. "I really appreciate the thought, but--"

"I added Epsom salts," Carer interrupts. They'd thought this might happen, and had prepared accordingly. "Lavender."

Whumpee pops one eye open. Lavender is their favorite. Carer smiles inwardly, and goes for the jugular.

"Come on, Whumpee. Please. For me."

Whumpee lets out a loud sigh. "Fine."

Carer doesn't say anything at how slow Whumpee is in getting to their feet, and politely ignores every stifled groan and poorly hidden wince. It isn't until they're in the bathroom, helping Whumpee get their shirt off, that Carer lets out a sharp gasp. They can't help it. Whumpee's back is a canvas of red that's starting to take on dark blues and purples. One particularly nasty bruise wraps around their rib cage, stretching onto their torso. Whumpee notices Carer's reaction and glances over their shoulder.

"That bad?"

"I mean...it's not great. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Didn't wanna worry you."

Carer bites back a sigh. "I'm going to worry either way, I would rather know what's going on. Come on, get in the bath."

Whumpee moves stiffly, holding onto Carer for balance as they step over the edge of the bathtub.

"There you go," Carer murmurs, helping Whumpee lower themselves into the tub. Whumpee's eyes close as they slowly ease into the hot water and they let out a low, contented hum. Carer can practically see the tension draining from their no-doubt aching muscles.

"That feels...amazing."

"Good," Carer says. They grab a washcloth and move to the sink, running it under the tap for a second before kneeling next to the tub. "You missed some blood. You mind if I...?"

Whumpee doesn't open their eyes, just nods once. "Please."

Both are quiet as Carer starts wiping away the dried blood, water running down Whumpee's bruised body in thin pink ribbons. Carer can't help but think about the gentle intimacy of the act, a stark contrast to the brutality and violence that had led to this moment happening in the first place. A small, pained sound from Whumpee interrupts Carer's thoughts and they quickly pull their hand back.

"Shit, sorry!"

"'t'sokay," Whumpee says, though their eyes are a little wrinkled at the corners from the pain. "I'm okay. You can keep going."

Carer is more gentle as they dab at the cut at Whumpee's hairline again. "This probably could have used stitches, you know."

"It's not that bad...Thank you, for--for all of this."

"I don't mind," Carer says quietly. "Just, do one thing for me in return?"

"Anything."

"Be more careful. Please."

"I will," Whumpee says. "I promise."

And the thing is, they mean it. Carer can tell that they mean it, in this moment. But Carer also knows that, in all likelihood, it'll only be a matter of time before Whumpee gets into trouble again. And when they do, Carer will be here, with hot water and lavender Epsom salts.

xxx

[mypoisonedvine]

I hate hate hate having to talk about this stuff because I know 98% of y'all are not the problem, and the remaining 2% are probably not going to care in the slightest. but I need to set some boundaries and explain why I'm getting frustrated before any more resentment builds.

I've been writing for cillian murphy characters since july 26 when I posted 'thoughtless', since then I've released well over one hundred thousand words of content for him. I'm not exaggerating, I counted. it's been five and a half weeks and I've posted 14 full-length one shots which means I'm posting more than twice a week. that's not even including drabbles/requests.

I'm getting concerned that this has set a precedent that people are holding me to and I'm getting annoyed by the entitlement in some of my asks and comments.

first things first, and I know nobody means anything bad by this but it's pissing me off: stop using the phrase "full smut" in your requests, it's driving me crazy. this started abruptly after I posted a bunch of drabbles in one sitting based on y'all's ideas and requests. I did that as a way to try out new ideas and appease people who hadn't had their concepts written about yet. instead of people being happy with what I wrote for them, people got frustrated that the drabbles were drabble-length and not thousands of words long like my full fics (which take me several days to write, rather than an hour or less which is the point of short requests). ever since, people won't stop coming into my inbox talking about making a "full smut" for a certain character or idea as if they're terrified that I'll only post something short. I usually don't post short things. I feel now like those drabbles were a colossal waste of time because all they did was make people afraid I wouldn't write longer stuff; I wanted to open requests again because I had fun, but now I feel like it's a bad idea because it'll just leave people frustrated when they see it's not whatever a "full smut" is and then tell me it's incomplete and I need to write more. a short drabble can very well be a complete story. stop asking for "full smut" PLEASE. just tell me what you're interested in reading and trust that, as the author, I will tell the story in the correct length of time.

secondly, the way people are asking for stories about new characters is getting out of control. I think you guys don't realize that I only post less than half of the asks I get, because they are so repetitive and constant. I have literally over 2000 unanswered asks currently. if I answered all the asks I received, I would lose followers because it clogs the dash and half of them are the same questions.

and I'm just gonna say this one explicitly: please stop asking me to write for cillian's character in the movie 'anna'. I'm not saying that I won't or that I don't want to. but I need you to understand that I get easily 3-5 asks a DAY about this character and I am exhausted. I'm not particularly interested in watching the movie. not only does it look like it's probably just not that good, but on a very personal note, I am in recovery for an eating disorder (and relapsed recently) and I just... don't wanna watch a movie with a runway model in the leading role right now. I'm sorry if that feels like body shaming or something but I've been waiting until I feel like I can watch it without feeling sick or enraged. it should come as a surprise to no one who is familiar with my work that I'm not a particularly mentally healthy person. but that's only part of it; I answered asks about this character for a while saying I wanted to write for him eventually, but I had to stop because people just asked about him every day anyways without reading my very recent posts with the same question. I'm still not ruling it out. I'm just warning you guys that it will be a while.

people are now commenting requests for new characters ON MY CURRENT FICS FOR UNRELATED CHARACTERS. how entitled and dense do you have to be to do that? I can't believe this has to be said, but comments on my fics should be... related to the content of the fic you're commenting on.

to be clear, I'm not mad at anyone for doing this stuff (except that last one, that's unforgivably ridiculous) because I think the intentions are pure. but now that I've explained why this stuff bothers me, I'm asking you to put a little more thought into how you phrase your questions and comments. to be clear: for the most part I feel incredibly supported and appreciated here and I've been very impressed by this fandom's ability to not be morality police and manage their own content consumption. a lot of you have reached out with concern about the speed at which I was producing and I totally understand and value that. I honestly think I can keep up that pace for a little while longer... I just wanted to explain why I'm getting a little irritated and hopefully decrease the amount of asks I get repeating the same two or three things.

so, tl;dr -- I've been having a lot of fun writing and I plan to keep doing it as much as I can. some people are spoiling the fun for everyone by being (usually unintentionally) entitled and impatient. I don't mind you guys showing enthusiasm for things you'd like to see from me, in fact it's helpful because it tells me what might get a good reception. but please be thoughtful in how you make these requests and please support what I've already written if you want to see more. I think non-writers have a hard time understanding how inspiration works (hell, even writers don't really understand it in ourselves lol) and so it kinda just seems like if I can write about one thing I can write about any thing. but I only write so much and so fast because I write what speaks to me and not other people's ideas. again, thank you so much for all the love and support this past month!!

p.s. I also get asks multiple times a day asking when I will post a fic, especially if I've announced it. I always post fics between 4 and 5 PM central US time. I would recommend calculating when that is for you and I promise you'll find me posting very reliably at this time on days I have fics announced. hopefully this saves us all some trouble in the future lmao

[honeyhotteoks]

I'm reading your ask game, and loving all your answers and how deep and thoughtful you can get to them! In general, your advice posts have been really helpful for me, too. I used to write a lot--like, a lot lot. I've won contests, been published (non-paying minor things only) and written tens of thousands of words for both fanfic and original stuff, but several years ago, I just...stopped. It's been so hard to pick it up again but for some reason, your posts and advice have been really helpful. Coupled with how much I really do love the way you write and the stories you're telling, I'm so excited to tell you that I've started writing again! (For a completely different fandom and concept.) Who knows if it'll ever see the light of day, or even get finished, but who cares? The important part is that I'm writing again and I'm so happy about it! I wanted to share and hopefully pass on some of my joy to you, since you played a part in creating it. Thank you for being so open and thoughtful and sharing that with us! And for the ask...18 and 29?

🍑

oh my goodness this was the kindest ask to receive but also i am so so happy for you!! i know exactly what you mean, years ago i was a really active writer in other fandoms but i was struggling to finish work, and then all of a sudden i lost it. i didn’t write for years and then ateez brought it all back, so i totally know how hard that is and then how exciting it is to be inspired again 🩷

for the ask game, thanks for sending these in!!

18: if you keep them, share a deleted scene or a paragraph from a published fic:

oh my goodness i actually have a lot of these but my favorite is that i actually have a whole chapter and almost arc for aurora 2 that i decided wasn’t actually right for the characters and so that’s just fully on the cutting room floor. i have pulled dialogue lines and beats into other stories and the new arc of aurora, so i don’t want to actually post it and spoil that, but the plot is below if people find this interesting!

basically in aurora 2 i wanted (and still want) a big moment of conflict where reader is running herself into the ground working too hard and the boys make her take a step back for her health- very much like… they’ve learned from their own mistakes and won’t let her make them. in my first draft of this i was really playing with a couple of tropes that don’t fit but i particularly love writing and reading. so in the old version, she’s stressed and sick enough that she misses a period and is convinced she’s pregnant, and the panic of what that would actually mean kind of tailspins her. there’s a lot of very soft yunho and san content here when she confesses her fears, into all eight of them kind of gathering around her and being good partners while she takes a test and finds out it’s negative. hongjoong gives her a very tender lecture on working too hard and caring for herself, and actually in this scene i wrote in kind of hongjoong saying “you know we all love you” as a throw away line that just kind of rocks her. and the scene ends with her unable to sleep after lots of ot8 comfort moments, and going to yunho and san’s bedroom for comfort. they’re up too, minds racing, and they have kind of teary, emotional sex. she finally confesses she’s in love with them, and they realize… while they all want this and love each other… they can’t have a traditional relationship. it’s honestly a pain train of a scene.

it was fun to write, and like i said there’s story beats or lines i am keeping, but overall it’s too melodramatic and didn’t really work for aurora. i think i realized after writing it that the high tension moment of her being sick and the high tension moment of love confessions don’t have to be tied together like that, and the complicated feelings nine people would have over a potential pregnancy wouldn’t be as clean as everyone being supportive.

i can tell you i am pulling parts of that plot into a different work because i love a good babyfic, but i actively try to keep those things in epilogues / separate one-shots etc., because i know for many readers those plot lines are either triggering or give them the ick. it really doesn’t belong in aurora, but it was a fun writing exercise that ended up pushing me to write other stuff.

29: how easy is it for you to come up with titles

it depends on the work honestly? while i’m writing the work usually sits as “untitled {insert trope} {insert member} fic” until i’m ready to start posting and then i have to figure it out.

sometimes it’s something i’m pulling out of the fic itself like with his sweet girl, or sometimes i’m trying to make an ateez reference with something like into the aurora or across stardust. for those i usually have a keyword that i want and then i play around with it in phrases or paired words until it clicks. and then sometimes i’ll fully just reference a song or movie or whatever. the ghostface fic title, an innocent man doesn’t stand a chance, is actually a modified quote from scream so i kind of liked that subtle reference for people if they like that movie.

so i guess it’s “easy” in the sense that i just say shit out loud until something hits lmao

[lookatmysillies]

[ A wild Kioku approaches Yael ! ]

HEY! Man, are you okay?

I heard you nearly drowned in the river! That's not good at all obviously, and I should know! I've fallen into my fair share of rivers. I saw a green-haired kid fish you out, though, which I'm grateful for. I've only just recently arrived and I'm no good at remembering names, so I couldn't tell you who it was. I'm sorry.

I don't really know you all that well, but I think you should eat something. The other kids tell me to be careful with you, and I've seen you pat your body pretty often, so I'm worried you might have health issues.

Here, take this jelly. It's plain, so hopefully it won't bang up your innards or anything. Don't even worry about where I got it! Haha. Ha. It's super important to eat and gain at least a little more strength! Maybe it'll help you out in the future! you know, with the falling or fainting and drowning stuff... I wonder how you ended up there...

Anyway, I know this is super sudden, but I kinda know what almost-drowning feels like, too. I just wanted to try and help a little bit. I'm not really sure how to do it properly... I just want you to feel better. I hope you can feel better.

Oh, the teacher is coming... I'm gonna run now, see you around!

Hiiii!! This is Para!! Sorry for all that, I just thought it would be silly. I'm here to ask what Yael thinks of Kioku! He's a super interesting character to me, and while you've already explained a bit of his thoughts on Kio, I'd like to ask if you could share any more/explain further? If it's okay with you! The whole angel thing was particularly intriguing...

Love your characters as always, and I truly do enjoy learning more about them :)

[Yael stares back at Kioku with wide eyes like she’s just given him the world rather than a single somewhat unremarkable jelly.]

Oh! Yes, um, it was an accident. A bad one, but I’m still here… Can tells me he’s the one who found me, and I’ll take his word for it. He seems like he would do something like that…

Sorry you’ve fallen into water a lot, too. Drowning feels stranger than I would’ve imagined. A lot worse. Thank you for the food, it almost tastes a little bit sweet if I hold it in my mouth for a while! You really are an angel. [He says this very seriously, though it flies over Kioku’s head. He’s quiet for a moment.]

I hope maybe we can talk more and—oh, yes, go ahead. Goodbye Kioku! The teacher’s probably here to take me for another useless checkup.

Hiii Para! Thanks for dropping this in my inbox, Kioku’s adorable face was the best thing to wake up to earlier today 🥺 To expand on Yael’s thoughts on Kioku a bit, I’ll establish some comparisons with his other fundamental relationships to give you a reference point:

He has the strongest feelings for @paradisedisconcert’s Can and @alien-til-i-stage’s Macbeth and Innamorati, Can being his purest relationship, Macbeth more muddled, and Inna just. Ridiculous. Who even knows

Add Kioku to this bunch of people he takes an especially strong interest in once she arrives, Kio being a person he looks up to and believes wholeheartedly in (due to misguided reasons, but there nonetheless).

He thinks of her as an Angel; Macbeth as Death; Can as Life; and Innamorati as personal Salvation. Kioku and Macbeth both represent “selfless” ideals: He adores Kioku because he believes she is here to save them from their eternal prison—not just to save him, but ALL of them. He truly believes she’s filled with all the good in the world and she can do no wrong in his eyes. His feelings about her are misguided but pure in nature. He also mixes up romantic and platonic feelings a lot, and she is the only one of these 4 he doesn’t feel confused about. I’ve mentioned that he’s subconsciously drawn to unhealthy relationships, Can being (for the most part anyway) an exception. Kioku is too good to have those kinds of feelings for, in Yael’s mind.

His perception of Kioku as an angel is different from his idea of Can as life or Inna as salvation. Can and Inna are what he perceives as his “selfish” ideals. Can isn’t holy or angelic in his eyes, but rather incredibly human; flawed and damaged, proof of their existence. Yael views his own existence, simply existing for himself, as selfish, and Can encourages living for himself. Inna is Yael’s personal salvation from his own mistake of playing a part in Macbeth’s death; Macbeth, who he believed was supposed to die and be free. He missed him so badly and questioned if it would be better for him to still be with him. He can’t change it, though, so he seeks absolution from the last piece of Macbeth there is.

Yael creates his own Saints in his head and Kioku is one of them. She represents a twisted sort of hope to him, and he wants to protect her and help her with whatever she needs to repay her for descending to Anakt Garden.

Thank you for the ask, I love yapping about the children. I love your characters too, I’m excited to learn more about Jiu and Kioku! That said if Jiu hurts her I will be seen on the news

[awildevie]

I guess this is a post about ADHD, but I don't want to say it six hundred times or reduce my experience down to four letters that mean a very different thing to me than they do to you, dear reader. So I won't. But you don't have to tell me that this post is about ADHD.

I am struggling so much with balancing my impulse-driven, stimulus-seeking brain's desires with the things I actually want to do to make use of my very limited time alive. I want to read more, watch challenging and slower movies, listen to more diverse music, write more, and have a wider variety of experiences - like hiking, finding good spots to watch the sun set, spending more time with new people and new communities, and challenging myself to grow.

I know my time here is limited. I've had my existential awakenings, my near death experiences, and I've done my reading. I feel certain in my heart of hearts that when my time here is up, that'll be the end, and it'll be just as it was before my life started.

I mean, I'd like to have my cremated remains turned into a tree, or perhaps some coral if that's an option by the time I make my exit, because that just sounds lovely. Particularly the tree option. Fuck whatever marketing material they have; the concept of my loved ones being able to come rest under my shade and feel close to me even in death is wonderful. I still don't think I'll get to functionally experience or feel any of that. I'm not saying it's the only or the right way to view life and death, either. I'm open to whatever comes next. A lot of my perspective on meaning and the value of life and the present is informed by the assumption that this is it, though; this is all of reality, laid out right here in front of us, and this is the one life we get to live.

Unfortunately, all I really feel motivated to do in my immediate present is to do things that feel good. I want to play compelling video games, eat salty and sweet and spiced things, drink delicious drinks, indulge in carnal pleasures, watch intensely stimulating media (movies and youtube videos and TV shows alike), and the like. That stuff is unbelievably compelling to me, even completely sober as I am most of the time.

The only thing that I do that's profoundly important to me on a regular and consistent basis is spending quality time with the people I care about. And don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. That's what it's all about. One of my loved ones has been talking a lot recently about how there's nothing we can take with us when we go, and how she keeps finding herself feeling like nothing matters more than love and community. I agree. There is still a lot of other stuff I'm interested in pursuing and experiencing in this lifetime, though.

Look, I get that it's the ADHD. I get that the systems in my brain that are supposed to reward me for working toward things with delayed gratification aren't working right, if at all. I also get that knowing your leg is broken, for example, doesn't make it any easier to walk on. I understand that I have a motivation deficit.

I've done years of therapy, I have prescription stimulant medication, and I'm trying pretty hard to take care of myself well enough to make managing my symptoms as feasible as possible. The one thing I'm still not doing that a lot of the research indicates helps a lot is regular exercise, but... well, okay, maybe I should try more of that.

I guess the part of me that worships storytelling struggles to accept that maybe one way to make it easier for me to spend more time on the things I care about (see: not exercise) is to exercise regularly. Like, what kind of narrative resolution is that? Shouldn't it be something existential or a matter of the "soul" that makes it easier for me to spend more time doing things that matter? If there's anything I've learned about being human, it's that we really like to overcomplicate our own problems. They feel so big - how could the solution to them be anything but grand and complicated?

Let's say I do start exercising consistently, and that does alleviate some of the residual struggles of my particular afflictions, in much the same way that getting on medication that works for me, several years of therapy, finding community, fixing my sleep, and other things of that nature have. This struggle of wanting to spend more time on what actually matters to me has persisted through all of the above. So I'm guessing exercise won't actually be the ace in the hole.

What, then, is the solution? To revisit the broken leg metaphor, is it a matter of medication? Do I simply need to take my short-acting simulant every time I want to do something that isn't intensely gratifying to my brain or feels urgent because of a deadline or social contract? It could certainly help, but my gut says there has to be a better way, or at least that it doesn't need to be so black and white.

Could it be as simple as building in more intentionality? As simple as finding a way to interrupt myself when I go to my usual comforts, and urging myself to check in with what I might actually want to spend my time doing in that moment instead of defaulting to whatever's most compelling or gratifying in the moment? I know that moralizing it is a dangerous route, and feel like a lot of human history and thought has shown us that. I don't need to categorize enjoying my beloved video games as sinful. Sure, maybe it'd help me spend less time on them, but it also seems like it would do more harm than good. Moralizing aside, my problem with systems like ones that simply interrupt what I impulsively want to do is that I start to resent and ignore the interruption system. Fuck you, thing that tells me not to do what I so intensely feel like I actually really want to do right now. You're not the boss of me... ADHD is, I guess.

It's 3AM, so let's post it while it's hot and call this part 1. If you read all this, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I think that's the real frustration I'm driving towards here. I feel like the ADHD is the boss of me, and not the me that cares about art and writing and storytelling and learning and growth and quality time. My drive towards immediate gratification is so much stronger and louder than every other part of my brain.

It's like I have this internal experience of self that cares about such a different set of things from the moth who's at the helm of the motivation department in my brain, steering me endlessly towards Lamp. I've just managed to find some appreciation for Lamp and the things I can find in the periphery around it. Sometimes I can overpower the moth for things that are urgent or put the whole system at risk, but by and large, moth would like to pursue Lamp at nearly every waking opportunity.

I want to develop a healthy relationship with the moth to see how we can balance Lamp better with the other things that are important to me. Maybe we can even find Lamp in things that moth didn't know could be Lamp. I just don't want the relationship with moth to turn destructive, resentful, controlling, or anything of that nature. I know that the only way to resolve this in a way that'll work for me long term is to do it healthily.

[pbandjesse]

I felt a little better today. My pelvis still hurts but it was easier to do things today. Which was nice because when I woke up I felt horrible. I did not have high hopes for the day but after a shower and washing hair I actually got some energy.

I would have cereal and did some cleaning. I was determined to accomplish things. I had already hung the new shelf in the bathroom and I'm thrilled with that. I decided I would hang the print case up on the wall where I had made space for it. And it looks great but I really should have approached it differently.

I only used our short ladder and I couldn't exactly reach because of the angle of the bookshelf. And so I tried putting a foot on the shelf to anchor myself but it ended up not being as sturdy as I was expecting and it tilted and I grabbed the fabric shelf next to it and that tilted to and I was able to steady myself but I also got smacked by the shelf. Ouch. It was kind of upsetting. And I needed a few minutes to gather myself.

But at least the shelf looks good.

I took all the painters tape off of the kitchen cabinets. The paint needs to be cleaned up still but it wasn't as bad as I was afraid.

I would also work on making stencils for my quilt project. I made bubble numbers and use an xaxto blade to cut them out. I am pretty pleased with them and I think if will help me greatly.

While I was working on that I also had Crabcake soaking in warm water. And eventually I dried him off and let him walk around the studio for a while. I measured a bit for the new enclosure I want to build. I think it'll be like a window seat and it'll be a tricky build but I think it'll be pretty cool if I can pull it off.

I was waiting for Celia to let me know when she was on her way. She was bringing Indian food and while I wasnt particularly hungry I was still looking forward to eating with her.

She would only be with my for an hour and a half. But we sat at the kitchen island and talked and ate and it was so fun. I really enjoyed grossing her out with pregnancy stuff. And we had lots of laughs. I appreciate her friendship. And that she understands how hard everything has been and doesn't hold it against me.

My stomach was starting to hurt though. From sitting at the island maybe. Once Celia left for her appointment I would lay on the new chair and just hung out with sweetp.

I worked on some knitting. Which was nice but my hands hurt after a few rows. I mostly just hung out and waited for James to come home.

When James got back home I heard them talking to our neighbor outside. But then they came in and I was very happy to see them. We would catch up about our day. We also talked about what would be important to pack in an evacuation event. James specifically said their dad's base. But they would also think through that more. I was glad we were having this conversation. Made me feel secure.

They would sit at their desk and work on their laptop while I lounged and played on my phone.

I probably laid there for to long. But when I found a way to lay that didn't hurt my back or belly I didn't want to move.

Eventually I had James pull me up. And I came upstairs to put a few things away. Laid in bed and started writing this. I am feeling pretty tired. But I also feel glad I got some stuff done today.

And tomorrow I have work. I am working an event and I really hope it goes well and I am not hurting. It should be a good evening. Jesse is back from his vacation to Thailand and I am excited to hear about that. And see his totally elephant printed outfit and accessories he apparently acquired.

I am just going to try and wind down now. Hopefully I can sleep easier. And tomorrow I will be full of energy. Fingers crossed.

Goodnight everyone. Take care of yourselves!

[collidescopeeyes]

Time is Roulette Whee: Swain WIP Pt3

“I'm not allowed to make deals with you anymore,” you tell the raven sternly on your next outing. “Also, that was very rude. It's not like dying is new to me, but some warning would have been nice. Not that I think you can talk, per se. I mean, you have those creepy whispers, but I don't know the demonic language. I can probably guess what you're trying to get at, though, and no. I'm not letting you rip my head open for juicy tidbits, and also, I'm not making any bargains to free you from Swain's control. Anything you know he knows anyway, and he's less likely to fuck me over than a literal demon. Especially one that very rudely let's me get my throat shrapneled from the inside.”

The raven caws from your shoulder. “Yeah, that's what I thought,” you grouch.

—

You don't do much over the next month, honestly. Once every few days or so, a raven arrives with an envelope clutched it's beak, and inside is a time you're to arrive at Swain's office, wrangle Raum under control, and chat. He seems to like talking to you, or at least you assume that's why he keeps doing it. You do occasionally feel like you're on the business end of a reconnaissance mission, but you can't imagine knowing your opinion on yordles somehow gives Noxus an edge on their many conquests. No, at this point you figure that Swain just has an intense demeanor that makes him seem like he's always doing something important, even when he's just asking you how your days been, or how you're settling in, or your thoughts on the book you were reading. That last one might be a reminder that you're under constant surveillance, actually, but it's not like you particularly care. Spending years in a nightmarish hellscape completely isolated save for the inhuman monsters trying to kill you kind of maxed out your lifetime requirement for alone time. Besides, you're pretty sure the birds can't open doors or unbar windows, and if you really wanted privacy you could always rewind yourself to Piltover or something. Still, you leave your window open for the birds most days.

—

The bird on your windowsill caws to get your attention. You wave it over without looking, focused on your book and your breakfast. Noxus probably would've been higher on your list of leads if you knew their food was so good, honestly. Who knew artisanal bread and cheese could elevate a grilled cheese sandwich so much?

The bird lands on your table, Swain's fancy envelope in beak. You wedge your bookmark in place and take it with your clean hand, breaking the crimson red seal and fishing the card out one handed. “Three pm,” you read aloud, tossing the card back on the table. “Standard Raum wrangling duty, it seems.”

The bird croaks at you. You shrug. “I don't make the rules.” You rip off a piece of crust to feed to it, then frown. “Come to think of it, how do you work, anyway? Does Swain see everything you see, or do you just report the important stuff to him?” You frown. “That would be awkward. He is technically my boss. That being said, respect for authority was never my strong suit.” You consider the bird a moment, then turn back to your meal. “Ah, whatever. He has like a hundred of you running around. I'm sure he's not paying attention to me telling you about embarrassing things I did in primary school. Hell, maybe it'll convince him to stop having you follow me around.”

—

“I can hear everything you say, and no, the inanity of your conversation is not going to convince me to leave a mage of your caliber unchecked,” he says by way of introduction that afternoon.

You blink, shutting the door behind you. “I’m not a mage.”

He raises a brow. “Oh? How does one traverse the Void without magic, then?”

You shrug as you seat yourself across from him. He changed the chair out shortly after your first visit–it’s nicer now, with actual padding. You wonder if that's for your benefit, or if someone got the other one broken over their head. “It's a secret. Hand,” you wiggle your fingers at where his left arm lies hidden inside his imposing military coat.

“Would you tell me in exchange for a recommendation to a cake shop?” He asks, placing his red-lit palm in yours. His tone is dry, but there's an edge of sincerety there that makes you think he's not entirely joking. “They make a lovely lemon meringue.”

You click your tongue. “Sorry, no dice. Besides, I'm sure you can figure it out from the tidbit your birdie already got out of me.”

“I understand it was a Voidspawn that took you from your world, and I take it your powers are a result of harnessing whatever you found there,” he says offhandedly. “What I don't understand is how you came to be here.”

You glance up at him. He has that look again, the one that makes you feel vaguely like a butterfly pinned to a board, like he wants to peel you open and see what's inside. “If I knew that, I probably wouldn't still be here.”

“Hm. I hope you know I won't be opening any Void Rifts on your behalf,” he says casually. “Far too much cleanup.”

“If you can find me a trajectory through a hellish nightmare void that defies time, space and euclidean geometry, I will personally slaughter every Voidspawn from here to the nearest Shuriman Rift,” you say cheerfully.

He raises a brow. “Not overselling yourself, I hope?”

You shrug. “I don't die. Don't strictly need to eat or sleep because of that, either. And believe me, I know how to kill Voidspawn.”

“You also take several hours to revive,” he points out. “Hardly time efficient.”

You shake your head. “Reality is…rigid, here. Inflexible. Not the Void. Those things bring a little bit of nothingness with them. Makes it easy to change things, change me.” You frown at his hand, trying to find your way around your curse. “First time I died after coming here, it was morning by the time I woke up, and I was not happy about it.”

“Hm. How fast would you say, with exposure to Void energy? Minutes?” He peers intently at your expression. His brow hitches. “Seconds?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny,” you say breezily. “And if you don't mind, I'd rather change the subject, before I say something I shouldn't and end up spitting blood in your face.”

He grimaces. “Very well. What would you like to speak about, then?”

You blink. “Yknow, you're different from what I was expecting.”

He raises a brow. “Oh? And what did you know of me, before you met me?”

You open your mouth, except you have no idea how to answer that question. “I don't think I can fully answer that,” you say slowly.

“Partially, then,” he says.

You frown at him. “Hey, you were following me for weeks before we met, and you don't see me interrogating you about what you know about me, other than that I like lemon meringues.”

He blinks. “I did not know you liked lemon meringues, just sweets. And putting aside what you have willingly divulged to my birds, I know that you're stubborn, intelligent, pragmatic, and more ruthless than you like to pretend you are. You go out of your way to help others, but pain doesn't seem to phase you anymore and without that nothing in this world seems to pose any real threat to you, so the life-threatening risks you take aren't particularly high-stakes for you. You subject yourself to the mundanities of human life your powers could erase the need for–food, water, rest, walking to places you've been or practicing a knife when you could unmake a city. You don't shy away from your powers, so you must not think they pose any threat, but you don't use them as a crutch either–that leads me to believe you mistrust them, perhaps that they'd desert you once you return to your world. Please, correct me if I'm wrong on any of those counts,” he says, spreading his free hand invitingly. You don't. “There. I've told you all I know about you.”

You raise a brow at him. “I know you didn't tell me all that just to hear about yourself,” you say dryly, and release his hand. “But if you really must…I know you get kick out of getting under people's skin.”

He smirks. Whatever answer he was looking for, that was apparently good enough. He's handsome when he smiles–well, he's handsome all the time, but in the same way a classical statue is, a cold and untouchable sort of beauty. When he smiles, that wicked little twist on his lips, it makes him look human. Not quite approachable, but at least like someone that lives on the same plane of existence as you. “I can neither confirm nor deny. You may restore the walls of Bitharix tomorrow at your convenience. That will be all.”

“Yes, sir,” you say with a mock salute, rising from your seat as he returns to his work.

“The shop is called Halcyon, and it's near the war memorials,” he says as you turn to leave. You look back to him, taken aback.

“Are you just telling me that because I wasn't expecting you to, and you like throwing me off?” You ask skeptically, though there's mirth in your voice.

“I decided I should reward you for your rare approximation of respect,” he drawls.

“If I'd known I got a reward for being a good girl I'd have done it sooner, sir,” You say teasingly, because spending years in the Void talking to yourself just to stay sane has really done nothing good for your already tenuous brain-mouth connection. Swain looks up at you, brow raised, and the satisfaction you derive from his taken aback expression is almost enough to cancel out the fact that you just hit on your boss.

…Your boss, Jericho Swain, Grand General of Noxus, who you have to look in the eye in a scant few days. Who, judging by the smirk curling on the edge of his lips, has no doubt cottoned on from your deer in headlights that you weren't just fucking with him, and you've completely lost why opportunity to play that off as a joke.

Welp. He might think you don't use your powers as a crutch, but you've never left somewhere so quickly in your life. You make your escape before he has the chance to say anything.

—

He doesn't call on you for a few days after, and you almost, almost put the incident out of your mind. You've had more embarrassing fuck-ups, you're sure, and honestly everything you've been through kind of puts social blunders into perspective on an odd way. You decide not to worry about it.

—

“What is that?” Swain asks, squinting at the paper bag you've deposited on his desk.

“A lemon meringue?” You say, plopping into your seat and wiggling your fingers at him.

“Why is it here?” He says. He doesn't even look at you when he puts his hand in yours, busy opening the packet to peer inside, as if you've somehow put a bomb in a clearly labeled baked goods bag.

You blink at him. “It's for you?” He gives you a blank look. “I figured you liked them, since you didn't know I did and you brought them up anyway. If you don't want it I'll take it. You were right, though, they're amazing.”

“Hm. No, I'll take it. My thanks,” he says. There's a strange look in his eye when he regards you. “Is there something you want?”

You consider him. “People don't often just do nice things for you without wanting something in return, do they?”

“Implying you don't want something from me?” He asks.

You pointedly do not think about your last encounter. “Well, sure, but you know what I want.”

“Do I?” He says, his voice low and considering. His palm is warm in yours. You're so fucking made.

You resist the urge to squirm. You've spent years in the Void, whatever this is can't be worse. “Look, if this is about what I said last time–”

“It's not,” he says easily, completely derailing what was about to be a very awkward apology about your lack of professionalism. Not that you'd ever had much of that. Before you can ask what the fuck that means, he hands you a sheet of paper. “In any case, your services are required in Ionia. We will be departing tomorrow morning. The details are there.”

You scan the piece of paper, which is part mission detail and part itinerary. “We?” You ask, flipping the page over. “Wait, you got the Leviathan back? Didn't Gangplank steal that?”

He grimaces. “Yes. Captain Fortune returned it after she deposed her predecessor, as a gesture of peace towards Noxus.”

You glance up at him. “Did it work?”

A smirk pulls at his lips. “For now. Bilgewater is more useful to me as it is now. Besides, bringing that mis-managed shantytown to heel would be far more effort than it's worth.”

“Would be useful to have serpent callers on staff, though,” you point out idly. “If there's one thing I'm not going to miss about this world, it's the sea monsters.”

“A fair point,” he says thoughtfully. “Though I must say that relying on the favor of a god sits ill with me.”

You shrug. “Can't say I know much about Nagakaborous, but gods can be brought to heel like anything else. Look at Aurelion Sol.”

He gives you a sharp look. “The celestial dragon? What about it?”

You blink. “Oh. I suppose that would predate your demon. The Aspects enslaved it using a magic crown and bent it to the will of the Ancient Shuriman’s, creating the god warriors which ultimately led to the civilizations downfall. As far as I know he's still floating around Targon doing their bidding. When I tracked him down, he refused to help without the crown being removed, and putting aside how long I'd be comatose for if I tried to undo however many thousands of years, I'm pretty sure he intends to blow up the planet if he gets free.”

There's a predatory gleam in his eye. “I see. What else do you know, about the Aspects?”

You raise a brow. “If you're expecting me to sit here and lay out the secret history of Runeterra, you're at least buying me dinner.” Shit. Wait. You've done it again.

He laughs, rich and dark. He turns his hand in yours, his clawed fingertips brushing over the inside of your wrist, where your pulse is currently thundering through your veins. “I can give you so much more than that, dear girl. Tell me, what is it you're craving today?”

…You're so fucked, and what's worse, he knows it.

—

Once you scraped your brain into your head, the first thing that came to mind to request for dinner that didn't involve clothes coming off was steak. You spend an hour comparing your understandings of the Aspects, Mount Targons general political landscape and possible resources, and you go into a impassioned aside about how the cosmic dragon that created the stars in your sky was a pretentious prick. He does, in fact, get you dinner–which is to say, the tower has its own kitchen staff, and he invites you to dine with him. He's actually very cordial–for all that talking to him sort of feels like you're somehow being played, he also holds open the door and pulls out your chair. You notice he only uses his demonic arm in front of you–in the hall, he keeps it tucked away in his coat when you're walking, but as soon as the serving staff have filed out of the room he's back to normal.

“How many people know about Raum?” You ask, cutting into your food. It is, of course, excellent.

“Only the Trifarix, Katarina Du Couteau, and you,” he says. “More convenient to have our enemies underestimate me as a cripple, and those who witness my powers firsthand don't tend to survive the experience.”

You glance at him. “Is it really that bad, that you lost an arm?” He raises a brow at you, and you wave a hand. “Not as in–look, I've been dismembered before and it fucking sucks, but what I mean is…I don't think having two arms is what makes you dangerous.”

For a moment a bittersweet smile pulls at his lip. “Things were different under Darkwill. Martial strength was all that Noxus valued, and that is one of the many reasons it was rotting from the inside. It's a mentality some still share, inside Noxus and out.”

You snort. “Like it matters how good someone is in a fistfight when they have a fortress and an army?”

“Some would describe that as cowardice,” he points out mildly.

“I'd call it pragmatism,” you retort. “Do you frequently say the opposite of what you mean just to see if people will agree with you?”

He smirks. “No. But I don't particularly care for most people's opinions.” Implying he cares about yours? “Wine?” He offers.

(The wine is, of course, as excellent as the food.)

—

“When you said morning, you did not say pre-sunrise,” you grouch, huddling under your new coat. The wind is bitingly cold in the harbor; Swain seemed unbothered by it, though it sends his coat flaring dramatically around him. The upper deck has a balcony that leads directly to his quarters, and he cuts an imperious figure overseeing the Leviathan's launch.

“Not a morning person, I take it?” He drawls, as if he doesn't know damn well from his birds.

“There are three things that wake me up in a good mood–sex, food, and coffee, in that order,” you say archly. “And I don't imagine you have an eggs benedict and a vanilla latte under that coat.”

He raises a brow. “Unfortunately, no.”

Hm. That's a surprisingly lukewarm response. You pause, finally taking a good look at him. “You look tired,” you say, noting the shadows under his eyes. Exhausted would probably be the better term.

“Yes,” he agrees. “There was much to do before we left, and I hadn't planned on our talk being quite so engaging.”

You hold out your hand and wiggle your fingers at him. He glances at you curiously, but places his gloved hand in yours. You rewind him back to rested, and his brows hitch. “Convenient,” he notes.

“I'm not doing that on the regular, and I don't care how efficient you'd be if you didn't need to sleep,” you tell him bluntly, releasing his hand. “Even without the physiological side effects, there are deep-seated psychological ramifications to not sleeping you really do not want to mess with.”

“I'll take your word for it,” he says. “I appreciate the assistance, but the reason I called you here is because there's been a slight change of plans. You'll be serving as my primary bodyguard for the duration of this trip, not just part of my entourage.”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “Do you need a bodyguard?”

“No, but the Ionians’ don't know that, and I'd prefer it to stay that way,” he allows. “That does however mean that I expect you to stay by my side, unless I explicitly order otherwise.”

You nod. Internally, your head is in your hands. You're sure that being next to him all day will have only positive effects on whatever bizarre game of cat and mouse you're in with the man. Which, now that you think of it, you're not entirely sure if he's trying to seduce you, use you for the good of Noxus, or just enjoys fucking with you. Probably all of them, to some extent or another.

He turns to look at you, considering. Then he looks back over the still-grey horizon. “Your quarters are there. I suppose I won't take issue if you chose to return to bed. We are still in Noxian waters, after all.”

And little acts of kindness like that are doing nothing to help you make up your mind.

[doctorstrangereview]

0045: Strange Tales #151

Cover Date: December 1966 On-Sale Date: September 8, 1966

And we're back! A family crisis prevented me from posting these for a couple of weeks. I wonder if I'll get back any momentum I had built up? This issue is a clip show. There's a lot of retelling previous tales as Umar catches up on what she's missed while she was imprisoned by her sweet brother Dormammu. According to the credits, Stan himself apparently wrote this one. Maybe he was in a rush or tired and decided to cut and paste old stories into a new(ish) script. Surprisingly Bill Everett decided that he wouldn't cut and paste Ditko's old art and redrew the old scenes. Way to go, Bill!

So powerful is Umar that's she's magically changed the color of her dress from green to red. She still looks very fetching. The weird glow around her head from last issue has developed into a full flame. Eventually we will learn these are the flames of regency and appear around the noggin of whoever rules the Dark Dimension. Yup, the rulers are literally hot stuff! The slit in her dress reveals strapped sandals that are even more awesome than what Wonder Woman wore in the 50s! She may have been imprisoned for millennia, but she knows her fashion!

Umar then flies to something called the Lamp of Lucifer. It looks like a typical Aladdin's lamp with the filigree that edges Doc's cloak of levitation with a funny demon face on it. It's adorable!

The lamp works like a mystical VCR and replays events surrounding Doc and Dormie. Bill uses this to draw an angry Ancient One.

Dormie finally gets the look that will become familiar to us all of us in the future. The purple body suit with the Superman red undies over his clothes and Superman's yellow belt look great as always! Everett even gives Dormie the mad-on eyebrows.

The lamp plays back Doc's origin story showing him studying with the Ancient One and some of the various dick measuring contests with Baron Mordo. Umar pauses the lamp long enough to confirm that her brother is actually alive.

The lamp un-pauses the tape and the playback continues with Doc kicking Dormie's butt and pulling a WWE move on him.

I think I like this version better than the original. Thanks, Bill! Then we get a replay of Dormie's battle with Eternity where the spaceman vanishes and flame-head gets mushed between two celestial bodies. Suddenly, the lamp reveals Clea's fate. Umar doesn't seem to know her and, to be fair, it'll be another decade before she's retconned as Umar's daughter. Of course Umar is a really bad parent so maybe she just forgot she had a daughter.

For good measure, we get a replay of the end of Doc's battle with Kaluu which immediately preceded the current action. Presumably, Umar was freed when Dormie was destroyed/lost/banished. For some unexplained reason, her reappearance took longer than all the other imprisoned people who managed to pop back almost instantaneously. It's a good thing those 60s comics didn't care too much about continuity!

Umar decides to pop a look into present-day Earth and spy on Doc a bit. For once his lack of security has some genuine grounding in reality! The Sanctum Sanctorum is a mess from his battle with Kaluu. Actual consequences from a battle! Who woulda thunk it? We immediately see Doc being a dick to Wong who just wants some cash to repair the Sanctum.

(The pink rectangle is a CONTINUED AFTER NEXT PAGE message unnecessary in the Masterworks reprint. These would usually be under the art, but it would have clashed with the "WATCH MARVEL SUPER-HEROES ON TV" ad at the bottom of the page. These were the incredibly crude cartoons from the mid-60s that looked like someone cut out the comics and dragged them along on string in front of a camera. Crude as they are, they're very faithful to the original material and they gave us wonderfully incongruent theme songs, particularly the Iron Man one!)

Doc powers up and poor Wong actually thinks for a moment that Doc is gonna blast him. What a dick! This isn't the case, thankfully and Wong will live to have many, many more adventures. Doc just gives a woe is me speech about how all this mundane crap is interfering with his cosmic stuff. Then he conjures up some cash. As is typical for 60s Doc, he is never apologetic to Wong or shows any remorse for they psychological trauma he just inflicted.

I really need to learn how to do that!

Doc feels more evil forces at work, and the Crystal (Orb) of Agamotto catches fire!

Umar kidnaps Clea and sends her scream over to Doc. Umar is a schemer, she is! Not content to just wait for Doc to take the bait, she kidnaps him as well.

And now, we wait! For the next installment.

I like this one better than I remember. Despite half the story being flashbacks to old issues, it's fun. Doc is an arrogant jerk again, to his man-servant no less! Poor Wong. Umar's character is developing nicely. She's more manipulative and subtle than her brother, but her patience isn't limitless and when it's exhausted, she just grabs what she wants. It's quite sad Jacqueline Pearce is no longer with us. She would have made a perfect Umar in a live action production. Eternity awaits! (Yes, he will show up again too!)

[0809sysblings]

3, 4, 11, 12, 14, 21 for Mikoto aaanndd 1, 2, 6, 12, 13 for Amane 👀

my beloveds!!!!

💚 🐈🐕 ☔🚬 🥞🍮 💙

Mikoto

3. Favorite non-MV official illustration?

I think.... the 3rd anniversary artwork, perhaps... just really like the lighting and atmosphere of it...

4. Favorite Minigram episode/moment?

episode 41 (source)

11. What are your favorite points about their story and the narrative surrounding them?

I.... my thoughts are much too abstract for me to be able to put them into words, let alone coherent ones. I uh. I like. Stress. Amnesia. Trauma. Survival. Defense. Toxic Environment. Abuse. Always. Yeah.

hope this helps 🤠👍 (im so fucking sorry)

12. What do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

I wouldn't say I'm super involved with most of the fandom tbh, so I don't particularly know all too well what is and isn't talked about by people... but.. I'd maybe like to see some more discussion on aspects of him that are like... not just about The Alters. since theres a lot more to DID than just having alters, and of course there is more to a person with DID than just their DID. I'm always a slut for talking about psychology and the impacts of trauma, so... perhaps more trauma discussion. I do know there's already people who talk about this stuff, so tbh this is mostly just what I myself want to eventually get around to talking about but mKFMDF yeah.

14. Any headcanons on their appearance?

I'm not usually one to hold many headcanons when it comes to something like appearance (or to hold many headcanons, period), but.. uh... idk. something really stupid and small like he has a permanent writer's callus/bump. there just ain't no way he doesn't have one y'know?

21. Do you have any similarities with them/relate to something in them?

oh dear... Indeed I Do. I guess to start, I am also 23 lol. we have sorta similar styles of dress. we are both artist-jocks. we have generally similar personalities. we are both DID havers, and one of us is honestly pretty similar to John mFKMDKFDSF. he even has an undercut my god... and then Another one of us also reminds me a lot of the Third Alter/Midokoto/Doe/whatever you wanna call him. his hair is even green wowie! ... oh and his name is also something that can be related to Mikoto, god damn.. the Kayano System is copying us.. get their asses, call them out, cancel them!!! /j anyway. more.

you know that part in Neoplasm. this one?

Es: … You really… do laugh when you're suffering, huh? Mikoto: Huh? Es: You don't get angry. You don't scream. You laugh, like it's a minor inconvenience.

yeah that came for my fucking throat. he just like me fr...

other things as well, but that's enough about that.

Amane

1. Favorite song lyrics?

I wish I could just copy and paste like the entirety of The Purge March, but this part in particular has gotta be my favorite:

After you cry, repent, and kneel, it's now your turn to say that hopeless "I'm sorry" You're sorry? I don't care! Please, go ahead and die already Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of "I'm sorry" that I said to you?

2. Favorite MV moment/frame?

I am in love with this frame <3

6. Favorite relationships with another character in the prison?

0308, 0208, and 0608 !!!!!!! so like. tbh the only prisoners she still interacts with/that still interact with her lmao... her dynamic with Shidou is also interesting and I'm excited to see where it goes! I think she deserves to get one stab at him. not because I don't like Shidou or think he deserves to be stabbed. but because Amane deserves to do whatever she wants all the time <3 !! like c'monnn one stab won't kill him, let her do it, it's fiiiiiine. it'll be good for both of them.

12. What do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

again, not that involved with the fandom so not sure what is and isn't already discussed. frankly I think she should just be discussed more, period <3. so. Everything. Discuss Everything About Her More. Never Stop Discussing Her. I Don't Want To Stop Seeing Essay-Length Analysis Posts About Her Until I'm At Least 35.

13. Any ideas on what would they and their MV be like if they got a different verdict in T1?

a VERY VERY good question that I have wondered about myself! ...unfortunately I've yet to come up with much of an answer though. I really just. have no idea. the only thing I can think of is she may have continued to severely downplay her abuse, I guess (like she still does I think. but you know. like Magic-level downplay)... may have stayed a bit friendlier and more "herself"? maybe her Trial 2 MV would've acted more staged again like Magic was...? I Got No Idea........

TY for the ask!!!!

[dragonmage]

After watching the game play I'm still on kinda hype but kinda anxious about it.

TLDR; some probably wrong theories about what we're getting, mostly positive but also seems like not as much New Fun things tm

-I loved the animations and art style and backgrounds

-Levels: I think its gonna be like Inquisition and parts of 2 where the levels are more 'set paths' kinda things with beautiful backgrounds very much like Val Royeaux - which is kinda iffy on how little was in Val Royeaux but I imagine there's gonna be 'open world' areas much like the Hinterlands. Idk why I expected something different but I did, and am just worried about how much we'll actually get to explore

-The Combat was Kinda Good Kinda Bad - it was hard to tell exactly how much was button combinations or just spamming X; it looked like there was a parry and a dodge option, and as some others said reminded me of Jedi: Fallen Order - which I really enjoyed !.

-I can already kinda guess though that at higher difficulties the enemies are just gonna be health sponges; idk what difficulty they were playing at its already seemed like the baddies weren't that hard but just didn't go down quickly

-I don't/didn't particularly care for switching between party members, but I also think it will be missed - there was so many times where I had to play Cassandra 1v1ing a dragon bc the rest of my party went down lol. I think it added a level of strategy - again not that I used it much, but it was a mechanic of at least 2 and inquisition that I relied on for harder fights.

-I really really liked the rain effects in cutscenes and on characters - i hope that theres a blood option like that lol.

-I was on the fence about Varric Dying and everyone's theories that he is, but there's no way he's not after that game play lol. I saw a tiktok saying that they could see it where Varric's the one in charge/leading/gathering the Veilguard and with his dying is how Rook becomes leader of the Veilguard and yeahhhh that seems pretty accurate.

-I like the companions commenting on your personality, it's always been a fav component of mine and it seems it might pop up more than in Inquisition.

-Oh the entire opening/showed sequence reminded me so much of the Inquisition one which is kinda :/ but it was good , but also sad in how much it feels like a repeat of a climatic/cinematic set piece (ala bridge collapse, demons, sliding, the veil fucky). The magic effects look gorgeous tho.

-Obligatory comment about Varric not being blonde/ginger

-Saw some others comment on dialogue/voice acting; for me it seemed on par with Inquisition, and again a neither bad nor good thing lol. I can see the faults of it having to establish what happened in Inquisition for new players, but again seems like par for the course.

-The different factions seem very interesting to me, and with how much it was showed in the 'tutorial' I'm curious if they're making it even more apparent than again previous games, at least dialogue wise

-I really think that regardless of class, everyone might be getting some 'extra/magic' abilities - someone pointed out that Harding might have some little extra oomf, and with the limited party, ON TOP OF Veil fuck shit, I think it's very possible to see not only party members with interesting mechanics, that Rook has the potential to arcane stuff - I mean the whole thing with the Veil was that Solas was opening it and giving elves magic (iirc, and the funny hahas about Fenris running around with mage spells lol) so it'd be interesting if that was something race effected as well.

-but overall positive, I think it'll feel like more of the same which isn't bad, but I had also hoped with how much time in development There'd be Something More - this is also based off just some sneak peak stuff. I just don't want a repeat of Andromeda where they change the entire feel to something watered down thats for a bigger audience but essentially not Dragon Age/Bioware

-I would love to comment on the story because at the end of the day thats why I play. - game play wise, it seemed expected, story wise I like how many potential things were brought up but its way too early to tell how much we're going to get. It seems more than Andromeda and Inquisition with the factions and new characters and I can only hope that it has as much depth as breadth that its showing

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #116

I'm sleep deprived again. It's been a lot of consecutive nights now. I'm sorry about that. I know I keep asking you to take care of yourself, meanwhile, I'm dropping the ball on myself. I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to get it together though, given all the things that have been happening lately. It's hard to string a coherent thought together, but I'm gonna try to write to you anyway; we all deserve someone who thinks about us enough to reach out, and it doesn't look like you have anyone like that, so… I might as well try. Even if I don't feel well, I'm still gonna try. Hopefully it'll do.

Br made breakfast for us today! She cooked us some eggs! She brought ones that came from a local farm. In my world, eggs come in all sorts of colors; these ones were white, brown, and greenish-blue:

I showed her how to check if the oil in the pan is hot enough to cook scrambled eggs without them sticking to the bottom; they turned out really well! They were so good that I wolfed them down before I even thought to take a picture for you; sorry about that.

I wonder if you like eggs. And if you do like eggs, I wonder how you like them cooked. I like it best if the white is cooked but the yolks are still runny. And they're even better if they're soft boiled, or soft boiled, peeled, and marinated! Maybe sometime I'll make you some marinated eggs and show you how it's done...

Anyway! Br also suggested that we make tea, so that's what we did! Br made me a cup of the maple black tea, and I sweetened it with creamed honey and heavy cream; I'll show you how that turned out:

...I wish you were here.

After that, I visited my friend B today because it's her birthday! She had a reservation at a place that serves really good Italian food! But before that, she, her fiancé, her sister, and I all decided to hang out to watch hilarious things on the internet! We spent a lot of time talking and laughing, and it was beautiful.

...I wish you were here.

Then we went to the Italian place! I got a soft drink made of pureed strawberries and whipped cream! I wonder if you would have liked it. I can't give you a sip though, so I took a picture:

I got steak and a side of pasta and mushrooms! This, too, was really, REALLY good. I can't give you a bite. But I can show you a picture...

There's a lot of pasta at this place; I'm sure you would have been able to find something you would have liked. Here are the things the others got:

...I wish you were here.

We returned to B's house, and we watched some really funny videos about a guy who trolls scammers. I dunno how it is in your world, but in mine, we have unscrupulous people who call vulnerable folks (mostly old people) in order to steal their personally identifying information so that they can then steal their money. This guy keeps these kinds of scammers busy long enough to get them caught!

There was this particularly funny video about this fake password resetting thing that keeps asking for stranger and stranger input, and the scammers, not understanding that it was fake, kept trying to meet the demands to create a "valid" password, and... goodness, I laughed so hard that tears came streaming from my face!

...I really, REALLY wish you were here. I'd give just about anything if it could mean that you'd have opportunities to eat delicious things and to laugh at hilarious stuff and to spend time with wonderful people. There's so much I wish I could give you. There's so much I wish you could see. I can only imagine how beautiful a genuine, wholesome smile and laugh coming from you must be. I can only imagine...

Hey, Sephiroth? Please. Please make good choices. Please turn yourself around so that you can have a chance to really live. Please don't keep walking the path that will lead to you disappearing; after everything you've been through, you deserve to heal, so that you can find so many wholesome reasons to laugh and sing and dance and smile. All humans deserve to heal. All of them. And... no matter what anyone says to you... no matter how you were made... you're still human. You're still a person. You're still a man.

I am falling asleep as I write this. So I'm gonna stop writing now.I

I love you. Please stay safe. Please make good choices. I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine