#some people out here really making it like failure is not an option

[catboybiologist]

Hey it's a life update that probably no one cared about or asked for

tl;dr: I'm likely quitting my PhD via mastering out, and leaving my program in June.

sappy, overly emotional vent/explanation:

I'm wrapping up my first quarter as an out-of-the-closet trans woman. I've had some serious conversations about where me and my work stand. This was always my intention after coming back from my summer hiatus/social transition: see how "reentry" works, and then assess from there.

For those that don't know, PhDs in the US take 5-7 years. Oftentimes, however, they either give you a master's along the way, or give you an option to quit halfway through with a master's. I'm in my 3rd year and have more than enough to use that option. I've toyed with this idea before, but it feels a bit different now. Last year, I was burned out from science, my project was failing, and I was under constant stress of boymoding and remaining in the closet. Now, I'm out and proud, and I deeply love my project and find it exciting. I fixed some things.

Unfortunately, I have a recurrent problem. Whenever something goes wrong in my life, the first thing to drop off is my ability to drive forward my own thesis project in a coherent way. What the actual problems are vary, but that motif stays the same. I could list off what's going on right now, but I think y'all can assume a bit of what a mid-20s, broke, recently transitioned trans woman in the US is going through at the moment. There's a lot of specifics, of course, but I'm not at liberty to say most of it.

So I'm looking around and realizing I have scraps of half finished projects, I've given support and help for other people's projects.... and then made little progress on my actual thesis. It's enough to pull together into a master's thesis, and maybe even another paper or two, but.... not a PhD.

And then there's the other side of it. The nicer reasons. Could I stay here, buckle down, maybe add years to my degree, and get through it? Probably. But honestly? I don't really want to put myself through that now. It used to be that academics was all I had. It was all my failures and all my successes. It's what I threw myself at, because I genuinely had nothing else going on. Since transitioning, the world seems so much more beautiful and rich, so much more complex and vast, with so much more to do in it. I've even had more negative experiences unrelated to academia, and while they've sucked, they've shown me that life is so much bigger than it was before.

To be blunt, to experience more of my life... it helps to have money, and it helps to have career stability. It's not the only factor by far, but certainly one defining moment when making this decision was trying to create a timeline and budget for transition related surgeries, and realizing that its near impossible in grad school.

Not to be dramatic, but I've also had a couple extremely jarring experiences in the past year that are reminded me that life is short. And I want at least some time to enjoy it.

My heart is honestly broken here, and I'm feeling extremely emotional about this. I love my lab, my colleagues, the environment of doing research, and my project. But I'm realizing that it might not be viable, or what makes me the happiest at the moment. I'm genuinely a bit distraught, and I've been crying a lot for the past few days. A lot of me feels like this is what I am, and this is what I'm good for. That I'm failing myself and every mentor that got me here. Some part of me knows that isn't true, some part of me can't let go of those feelings.

But, I know this doesn't mean "never". So many of the people in my program are significantly older than me, coming back later in life to get their degrees. I'm honestly almost positive that I'll come back to a PhD someday if I quit now. In my 30s or beyond, I think that I'll be able equipped to handle it much better.

So what's next?

Obviously, nothing is decided, and I'm just spitballing here. But I'm honestly shocked at how many viable options I have, in a very good way. A cursory scroll of Indeed was honestly therapeutic. As I said, I still love the academic research environment. I just need more money and stability, and would prefer to have a slightly different relationship to the work I do than a thesis project. Ideally, I would want to be a staff researcher in an institute or academic lab. That lets me keep a lot of the things I like about what I do now, while also making literally 2-3 times the money and having a more stable position.There's positions out there that maximize the contexts I'm the strongest and happiest with, while still being more steady and paying more. Hell, even if my responsibilities were identical, but I had more pay, I could probably more effectively address the personal problems I'm going through right now. I'm gonna stay in California for a lot of reasons, and I'm lucky that there's so many options within the state.

I have a bit of an oddball set of experience. I'll actually have two nonoverlapping master's if I do this. I already have a MS in bioinformatics, which was granted by a CS department. But my current program is in more "pure" molecular and cell biology. I'll have 5 years of grad school, 8.5 years of research experience if I include undergrad research, and instead of a PhD, 2 MSs. Which is kinda funny. But it think it helps represent my experience for what it is. I like to consider myself a "full stack" bioinformaticist- someone who can do both the experimental and analysis portions of experiments that produce large data. Hopefully I'll be able to put that to good use.

I have a lot of professional contacts that I'll slowly be reaching out to over the course of the next 6 months while I tie things up. I know this is a wildshot on tumblr of all places, but if anyone has any recommendations, advice, or contacts, I'm all ears- both for professional and job hunt related things, and also the emotional state I'm in right now.

Thank you to everyone that's made up this wonderful community we have online. I hope I'm not letting anyone down. I'll still be a biologist, I'll still be my trans self. I just won't be "Doctor" anytime soon.

[pluckyredhead]

“I have larger thoughts about how DC has kind of written themselves into a hole with Jason and now he's stuck in this limbo that's unsatisfying to everyone which is why so many Jason fans are mad all the time, but that's for another ask.”

🤓 Do tell…

Okay, let's see if I can do this in less than a thousand words!

So Jason, at his core, represents a challenge to Bruce's ideology, right? Bruce's #1 rule is No Killing, and Jason's basic idea is: "That doesn't work. Some villains are bad enough that they have to be killed for the greater good." (There's something very funny about Jason, famously undead, thinking killing stops ANYONE in the DCU, but we'll leave that aside for now.) This is a really interesting ethical quandary to throw Bruce's way, and by having it voiced by his beloved son, his greatest failure, his second most profound tragedy, it becomes a deeply thorny emotional problem as well as an ethical problem. That's all great.

The problem is, DC can't allow Jason to be right, for two reasons:

Batman must always be right and must always win.

...I mean, come on. They can't actually publish a story advocating for a traumatized 19-year-old with assault weapons to be the arbiter of who lives and who dies, that's nonsense. I love Jason but really.

The problem with that is, Jason is a major recurring character.

UTRH works great in a vacuum. But if Jason is showing up in a comic every month, or even just a few times a year, this central conflict has to be addressed, and the options for doing that are limited:

Bruce and Jason fight and Jason wins. DC will never let this happen. (And what would "Jason wins" even look like, honestly? He's not going to kill Bruce.)

Bruce and Jason fight and Bruce wins. They've done this a bunch (sometimes with Dick in place of Bruce), but Jason fans don't want to see him repeatedly getting his ass kicked while being lectured, and frankly it doesn't make Bruce look great either.

Bruce allows Jason to kill people. This can't happen either; it would be wildly out of character for Bruce, not to mention literally everyone in the Batfamily. They are all canonically pretty opposed to murder.

Jason continues to operate however he wants, but outside of Bruce's reach/jurisdiction. As wretched as RHATO was, I actually think it was a smart decision to keep most of the action outside of Gotham, because then we can pretend Bruce doesn't know what Jason's up to, just like we pretend Clark couldn't super-hear everything in Gotham and save Bruce's ass every single night without breaking a sweat. The problem here is that it means Jason is unavailable for the kinds of casual team-ups and crossovers that fans of all stripes crave - plus, every time he comes back to Gotham, he and Bruce have to relitigate their entire relationship AGAIN.

Jason compromises and agrees to follow Bruce's rules in order to have a relationship with the Batfamily. This is basically where DC has landed, and I understand why they did, because it's the option that allows them to publish the most comics with Jason in them, which they want to do because he is an immensely popular character who makes them money. However, it leaves him in this awkward position where instead of being a tragic villain/badass antihero, he's just...the sassiest member of the family, while simultaneously always being available to be treated like shit because he's Bad. He gets punished without even the fun of doing the crime anymore.

So what's the solution? I don't know. Theoretically, DC could try to do what Marvel does with the Punisher. People always get mad when I say Jason is DC's Punisher, but he kills pretty much indiscriminately in UTRH and RHATO, for pretty much the same reasons. ("Dudebros think it looks cool.") And Marvel heroes inexplicably let Frank just kill however many people he wants unless they're appearing in a Punisher comic, at which point they go "Frank, you naughty boy, I shall stop you!" and then Frank kicks their ass and makes them look like an idiot. DC is never going to let Jason do that to Bruce, plus it would put a real damper on the Wayne family Thanksgiving dinner.

Alternately, they could make him a Nightwing villain. Dick has spent 40 years fighting inconclusively with Deathstroke; he's much better suited to go endless rounds with Jason without either of them Always Triumphantly Winning than Bruce is. I don't personally want this option because I just don't care that much about Dick, but it could be really interesting, though it would limit Jason to fewer appearances and primarily in Dick's book. (Jason would have made a superb Red Robin villain 15 years ago for similar reasons.)

My vote, I think, would be for a really good (god, if only), really thoughtful Jason series where he has reason to seriously reevaluate his philosophy towards crime - something that reshapes him into a character who can still challenge Bruce's entrenched ideas without being so diametrically opposed to them as to make him a villain. He needs to be close enough to Bruce's rules to appear in crossovers, but far enough and specific enough that he's not just Meaner Nightwing. Jason is a passionate character; DC needs to find a new way to let his passion work for him, because right now he doesn't have anything driving him, and it's satisfying no one.

(900 words, BOOM!)

[space-blue]

Arcane 2 Trailer time!

Imagine this chick comes into your office and tells you what to do? What are you gonna do?? Tell her no?????

Overall Ambessa and Sevika are really making this season MILF o'clock.

It would seem that early season will focus on Jinx terrorist time...

This is sadly the only LoL skin she could afford...

If you like Cait AND you like your women in pain/getting squeeze like they're a pineapple in the werewolf fucking press, then it seems this season is going to be for you. But Cait isn't the only one having a bad time, seems like Heimerdinger losing his day job led to some relaxation of his principles:

Now focusing on Ekko, who we know is helping Heimer:

This has a chain to pull a mechanism, and we see some similar thing being pulled by an unknown character, just a much thicker chain.

These shots of the Firelights attacking AMBESSA's people lead me to believe that the story may look like > Councillors listen to Ambessa > The tensions with Zaun escalate > Jinx terrorism instead of resolution > Vi sees this as failure and returns to Zaun to try another way > Ambessa doesn't take no for an answer > everyone teams up against Noxus, bringing Zaun and Piltover together again.

By hair alone we can see a timeskip here. Love Ekko's outfit. Vi's simpler style with just a bit of Piltie chest armour gives me hope that she transitions away from being a Piltie Enforcer and more of a Vander style character, trying to mediate.

Notice how dark her roots are???? I am wondering because LOOK:

She has black hair!! With reddish tips?

SO THIS MEANS THIS IS VI'S NEW LOOK:

And this last shot confirms it! RHEA RIPPLEY makeover!!!!

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLESAEPLEASE BE REAL please don't be an inforcer don't be a cop please be cool please have an arc learn progress return to your people don't be a class traitor I beg I begwaah

My only criticism of this is that we now have 2 options: Either Vi is entering her goth era and is actively dyeing everything sloppily so that bits of Pink remain, or she has always been black haired, and has been dyeing her hair AND eyebrows pink her whole life, even as a child.

I get that it could be a cultural thing parents do, as my friend En suggested. I'd like this, if it weren't for the fact she was in stillwater for YEARS and I don't see them providing pink dye and a nice setup to bleach and dye safely...

Curious to see how it goes.

At this I screamed "Silco????" But not sure now. Seems too far off to be a Jinx vision.

There's also fucky things going on with the Arcane. We're told it's "waking up", which is curious because I was assuming mages across Runeterra were using the Arcane lots for their own magic, so very happy to learn more about it.

Also very cool to see a return of the wizard guy from Jayce's backstory:

Very excited for these depictions of magic :

Free feet included.

I'm pretty amazed that we have seen Zero Mel and Zero Jayce, and just 2-3 frames of hinted Viktor. Nice to see he'll go through with the transformation, but I'm curious as to why they're keeping the jeyvik divorce era so out of promo. Some of my friends feeling very edged right now.

Wondering if this is baby Powder flashbacks, or if we're going to get little kids getting dyed blue in celebration as we see adults do when they team up with her. I suspect if this is a kiddo who wanted to be blue like Jinx, this will be used as a parrallel, with them being caught in an attack that harkens back to the bridge.

The visual effects look insanely gorgeous, and also Jinx's very bad time tm is always on the menu. Very exciting!

[archduchessgortash]

Unpopular Opinion

An 'evil power couple ruling Toril together' ending for Durge and Gortash is a horrible idea, and I'm glad that it doesn't happen in Baldur's Gate 3. If it ever did, it would not be a happy ending for either of them.

If that's your kink... cool. It's such a popular ask in the fandom that I'm sure someone already wrote it months and months ago.

My kink is redemption, but hardly anyone seems to want that for Gortash, and it makes me sad. I really think it should have been an option.

Here's why I don't want Durge and Gortash ruling Toril:

Durge and Gortash have both been abused, manipulated, and treated like complete shit by their families, their caregivers, and their gods. Bane's treatment of Gortash isn't exactly clear except that he tortures his soul for failure even though Gortash did everything he possibly could to succeed in the Absolute plot. By the time we meet him in-game, Gortash has become as bad, if not worse, than his abusers. Pre-tadpole Durge was a piece of work, too, although Sceleritas does mention that they struggled to stay the course that Bhaal had set them upon even before their lobotomy.

We know that one of the themes in Baldur's Gate 3 revolves around cycles of abuse. Even when the victim-turned-abuser isn't arguably 'as bad' as the one who hurt them, if they choose the same sort of path, they lose everything they were ever really fighting for: themselves.

I know Ascended Astarion stans will stomp their feet and say he hasn't become Cazador 2.0. To them, I say: 'You're right. He hasn't... yet.' However, he has eternity now and a delusional slave of his very own to bring out the worst in him. There's a reason that spawn Astarion mentions how he felt everything he'd learned since meeting his new friend/partner slipping away when he thanks them for stopping his ascension. Because that is what ascension does to him. Astarion loses. Cazador wins. Even dead, he has won. That the fandom doesn't get that boggles my mind.

Some fans like the idea of evil Durge and Gortash taking out Bhaal and Bane, becoming gods themselves. In my opinion, this is so much worse. Killing or torturing their abusers as revenge isn't 'finally showing them' or proving their strength. It is, in fact, a mirror of their abuser's own weakness manifested in their victim. Gortash has already crossed this line. Dravo Flymm is effectively dead, animated only by his tadpole. This is another reason I wish Karlach had the option to forgive Gortash--not for him--but for her.

Gortash intellectualized his own abuse so hard that he actually thinks he was helping Karlach by giving her to Zariel. He has not truly dealt with anything that was done to him. He projects it onto the people around him and makes his own problems into everyone else's. I believe this is why there's no ending in which he survives. That, and running out of time and money to do him and Wyll justice with their storylines.

I don't like Durge and Gortash becoming worse together. A history of abuse does not excuse its continuation. I don't want to watch them be overtaken by their own weakness, to weep as I gaze upon the manifestation of their inescapable cowardice.

I want to see them win, but my definition of winning is not ruling. My definition of winning is choosing to no longer emulate their abusers, to become what tiny glimpses into their back stories show us they once had the potential to be.

The idea of Durge and Gortash enslaving the world and ruling it brings to mind a line from one of my all-time favorite songs: Veteran of the Psychic Wars by Blue Öyster Cult.

'Did I hear you say that THIS is victory?!'

Well... it is. Just not theirs.

Repeating the cycle of abuse is nothing short of ensuring the legacy of the abuser.

Like I said... I want Durge and Gortash to win.

[squiddy-god]

I saw chainsaw man was in your fandom list so could I request Denji realizing he’s falling for a guy for the first time? He gives me chaotic bi guy vibes

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Ok so as a chaotic bi guy myself i clocked denji day one- i also decided to do this as hcs because i have so many thoughts- its me, the bisexuality devil lmao 

♥︎request are open ♥︎

Cw : slight suggestive bits (chainsaw man lvls),so canon typical levels of nsfw. STILL SFW NO SMUT IN THIS,  BI DENJI SUPREMACY, bi panic and maybe a bit of heteronormativity, simping.

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Denji is the poster boy for chaotic bi panic 

The thing that most people, especially in the series itself don't realize is that denjis goal isn't just to have sex and touch boobs, it to live a normal life because he has been so deprived of any basics and normality 

But denji struggles in realizing that he's in love with a dude, a man, a guy, a homie. 

It probably happens because you are genuinely nice to him- my boy has standards so low it trips the devils 

At first he thinks your just his best bud, his greatest pal- it's totally normal that he thinks about you so much, that he really likes holding your hand, that he gets excited like a puppy when he knows hes going to see you again

It's perfectly normal how much time he spends in your apartment- like he basically lives there

Power is about to actually kill him if he mentions you one more time she's so sick of it

Never once does it ever cross his mind that he might be into guys too (boobs are boobs tbh)

He is over at your apartment so much that it isn't uncommon for him to just,,,let himself in (you said you don't mind 

Denji is already kinda a mess, he's a nervous wreck when it comes to a lot of romance stuff (we love a boy failure) so he's already pretty chaotic even before he realizes that he's absolutely simping for you 

But his crush is so obvious its hitting “if s/o was a girl id totally be into him, like smash- like my girlfriend” levels of denial

And he's not fooling anyone 

He starts to slowly realize that having dreams about your best friend, and having to continuously correct the dreams so that one of you is the girl, isn't just being close friends 

He really panics when he thinks he might be gay- he doesn't really know being bi is an option but is relieved to find that out lmao 

He decides to make sure by looking at magazines featuring men, other media etc to make sure you aren't just some glitch- and nope hes bi 

“Boobs are boobs” ahh reasoning- genuinely he is not picky lmao (chaos bi) 

Despite this he still claims that you are just his best bud, his pal, chum, homie, compadre, friend, home slice etc. 

Until the incident 

And by that I mean he saw you practically naked- he had let himself into your apartment like normal, honestly he probably planned on casually coming out- not confessing! afterall you were just his friend (delusional) 

But as he's sitting in your living room he here's the door open down the hall, when he speaks his head out he's frozen in place because daymn. There you are with wet hair and just a towel around your waist- and denji panics big time- when i say he literally flees your apartment i mean it. 

And that was really what he needed, because this starts his downward spiral of realizing that he has indeed fallen for you and has massive crush on you

He realizes that this is honestly one of his first crushes in general because denji struggles with his emotions and figuring out the different types of affection, hell even the lines between romantic attraction and sexual attraction he really struggles 

But he (and everyone else) is positive that this isn't just him realizing he is into guys, but that he genuinely wants to do all the normal couple stuff with you

Like yes denjis thoughts can be sexual but the biggest thing he struggles with is that he feels all warm and mushy at the thought of calling you his boyfriend and having a normal relationship. 

Power is yalls #1 hater btw, not that she doesnt support you but it's that she is sick of denji just fumbling the bag 

She gags whenever he mentions you lmao, watching denji fumble around his thoughts and feelings is painful because he is so awkward 

I firmly believe in BI denji supremacy, he is such a bisexual disaster

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

I’m always curious about Kankri being redeemed in any way (maybe because he can become the sufferer). Obviously to do so would be simply punting him to reality and force him to live it, no help from his shoddily-made support structure. But I’m curious how you would go about doing it

Given their role thematically in the story, I'm actually usually not on the train of "fully redeem the dancestors", but I do like giving them some catharsis and reckoning, a place in the fight against LE. One last chance to do something good with their lives/afterlives before the end, and a(n implied) new start as wigglers born into the new universe.

So to that end, in my head, the "turnaround point" for Kankri - the inciting incident that makes him have a mental breakdown that results in him finally taking some accountability for his shitty actions - is having a conversation with Eridan.

In my head, the Dancestor reckoning happens gradually, alongside a series of retcons where the dead trolls are brought back one or two at a time, and deal with their emotional issues a little more with every cast member added back into the party.

The TL;DR series of events is: Terezi asks to bring back Vriska, Vriska asks John to punch out Tavros before she can kill him, Tavros's influence makes Gamzee ask for Equius and Nepeta to be brought back, Equius asks for a redux of Aradiabot, Aradiabot grabs John by the arm and gets him to undo her death and Sollux's fall into depression, Sollux asks for Feferi to be brought back, and then Karkat asks for Eridan.

We know from (Vriska) that the Game Over/Alpha Timeline characters still exist post-Retcon, so those characters would also be continuing their character arcs, just in the afterlife prepping for the LE fight. For example, I think Meenah's reckoning should be delivered by (Karkat) - after having had so long to reflect on his own failures as a leader, he would be perfectly poised to scream at her for hers, which would also serve to make this confrontation a final thesis for Karkat as a whole - what leadership means (caring about your team) - and a conclusion to the Meenah/Karkat dynamic.

So when I say that Kankri needs to talk to Eridan, I mean Eridan and not (Eridan). Full character development, all his teammates are alive, taken full accountability and responsibility for his actions, team good guy Eridan. And as I noted in this essay, Eridan with full character development is actually more annoying than regular Eridan, because he's also the "Devastating: Worst Guy You Know Made An Excellent Point" guy. In bulleted form:

He's still an advocate for murder. Murder is literally what kept his friends alive long enough to play the game, and playing the game itself involves genocide, so he would be the Token Evil Teammate who reminds the team that, hey, murder is an option - and enemies will be considering it. Even at his very best, he's going to struggle with empathy and have an extremely blase view of violence and murder - those were literally just facts of his life through his most formative years.

This also makes him a TOTAL downer, as he's the tempering voice that reminds them that decisions have consequences, and utopia requires sacrifices, and nothing is ever worth fighting for that won't eventually need to be fought for. Like I said, worst guy you know, excellent points. In fact, he's out here volunteering to do the murdering when the situation calls, if nobody else wants to get their fins dirty. He's really good at it.

He's still an idiot who doesn't listen to people. He's perfectly fine at taking orders, but having a conversation with him is still really difficult. I feel like if you make Eridan too smart, mentally flexible, and socially aware, you lose a lot of his Eridan-ness, and I think these characters, fully realized, are more of themselves, not less. I also don't know how you could reasonably expect to fix these traits. He's just Like That.

He drops his fake pro-Empire stuff, because that was basically all just empty posturing in the first place, but...

Now he's a pretentious-ass hipster who judges you for liking Trollor Swift and Troll Marvel. Given that Jake's indiscriminate taste is actually linked to his deficit of Hope (he has little conviction, he's wishy-washy), Eridan coming into full Prince of Hope regalia involves getting even more annoying about his taste in media (shittons of conviction, refusal to budge).

He is also a wizard. He will not shut up about this.

And finally, I think he'd still be out here using slurs. First of all, because it'd be really funny, because he's literally not casteist, but second, because there's two types of "it's equality" - the kind where nobody ever says anything offensive, and the kind where "offensive" stops being a relevant concept because true equality has been achieved. Think of the discourse surrounding the reclamation of slurs IRL, or how the "it's equality" meme gets used - this idea that words can be stripped of power by changing the context of who's saying them, or that objectification/discrimination stop being problems if they're applied evenly across the board, instead of limited to specific groups. I think that this is the exact type of nuanced idea that Homestuck would tackle and its fandom would get incensed about, which is why I think it should stay.

Eridan's role, thus, becomes a sort of "unpleasant truths" kind of character. Violence, both physical and verbal, is unpleasant as hell, and the natural instinct is to avoid it. The problem is, in any true discussion of what society should look like, they're topics that can't be avoided, and are even sometimes necessary not just to recognize, but to utilize (no revolution is bloodless, etc.). Eridan - an extreme personality - is going to represent the uncomfortable extreme of the debate. And by that I mean he's going to be saying slurs and talking about murders and is still going to be unquestionably a force for good.

The reason I'm going so in-depth into this is because Kankri very much represents the opposite: using "polite" language and couching it in the language of courtesy, activism, and liberal ideology, Kankri hides - and worse, spreads - his classist, ableist, misogynistic, puritan beliefs. He enforces the class divide and actively works against his teammates' best interests.

He whines that the lower blood castes should stop complaining about oppression, because others have it worse. He tells the team feminist that misogyny isn't real, then slut shames her. He tells the guy with brain damage that he's making other neurodivergent/TBI people look bad, exacerbates Latula's shame around her inability to smell, and actively guilt trips Cronus into ignoring his epiphany and self-reflection. Kankri is only an activist in that he actively makes everybody worse.

But why does he act like this? Well, it's due to the fact that he was probably culled, and on-sight at that, like Karkat would've been if anyone found out about his mutant blood. Kankri doesn't seem to have a symbol or lusus, either, two thinks Karkat only had because the Signless's followers prepped them for him, so the chances are very high that Kankri was culled since he was hatched. Given the way he discusses culling with Latula, and viciously despises being mothered by Porrim, it's clear he has some really complicated feelings regarding having his agency dismissed. Thus, his work to hamper his team - at least some of which is wilful on his part, as he'll outright cast aspersions on Horuss or Cronus's beliefs for being "imaginary" even as he encourages them to commit to them - is motivated by something quite simple: power, attention, entitlement, and control.

When he goes on his grand lectures, he frequently slips and reveals that he sees himself as a great, unquestionable spiritual leader, often trying to place other characters in subordinate positions to himself - Karkat is his "pupil," and his monologues, I mean, sermons, I mean, diatribes, are spoken as if from a position of authority. He outright tells Meenah that this is what he believes himself to be.

It's a very Seer sort of problem - both that of hubris and that of willful blindness. If you chart out the actual "end goal" of his beliefs, it appears to be a world in which Kankri himself is both the biggest victim and most important voice in the room. He regularly disparages those with actual disadvantages (Damara, Porrim, Mituna) while playing up the false problems of those who don't actually have them (Horuss, Cronus). Those with disadvantages should have their voices amplified - except lowbloods should stop whining and misogyny isn't real. And those with real power should check their privilege - but won't somebody think of the poor highbloods who have ~emotional problems~? Kankri will, and all the highbloods need to do is bend the knee and treat Kankri as their specialest boy.

In short, he's using his intellect, rhetoric, and forceful personality for selfish, emotionally-driven pursuits. The actual substance of his arguments is ephemeral and contradictory because that's the trick - the point is NOT to further equality, but to verbally browbeat his conversation partner into submission. In other words, you can't beat Kankri in a regular debate, because the moment you start trying to actually engage in a debate with him, he wins. The moment you start lunging at his arguments, he's got you in his red-texted labyrinth. The moment you start treating his points like they merit genuine discussion, you're in the pews of Kankri's church, and he's up at the pulpit.

And Eridan is the destroyer of faith. He's also an idiot who doesn't listen to people.

I don't really know exactly how it would play out, but I know in my heart. In the pit of my soul. That Eridan would call Kankri several slurs, (correctly) point out that Kankri's celibacy is stupid because it's clear he has feelings for Cronus and Latula, (correctly) point out that his pro-equality stuff is stupid because he calls violets "Royal-V"s, (incorrectly) accuse Kankri of hitting on him, (correctly) point out that the entire point of a slur is that it hurts and insults the person it's used on, (correctly) call Kankri several more slurs, (correctly) point out that Kankri just wants attention, especially from highbloods, (???) go on an unhinged rant (maybe more) about being a wizard, being a murderer, and being a murderer wizard, (???) insult Kankri's taste in music, and finish it up by (correctly) revealing that Eridan and Karkat are moirails who make out sometimes.

I think Kankri would start crying.

[anim-ttrpgs]

you mentioned in a previous post that an important mechanic of eureka was the concealment of a character's supernatural identity from the rest of the characters.

is this intended to be a player secret or a character secret, and do you think there is a substantial difference in gameplay?

Hoo boy this is probably going to be a long answer.

Well the short version is it’s both a character secret and a player secret, and yes there is a substantial difference between that and it just being a character secret.

In Eureka, there’s a big difference between player and PC, and thus is built into a whole lot of the game’s design. You are not your character, your character is not you. They’re a character whose actions you narrate. At the same time, since it’s a mystery-solving game, and a very “trad” “challenge game”, PC knowledge and player knowledge are kept closely aligned. When possible, you’re not supposed to know anything that your character doesn’t know, so that you can’t give them an unearned advantage in solving the mystery. (In Eureka, failure to solve the mystery is a valid outcome.)

One reason this applies to both mystery stuff and the other PCs is because Eureka encourages a very different kind of inter-party dynamic than most RPGs. PCs do not have to cooperate just because they’re all PCs. In the game world, they’re just some guys who have ended up following the same trail of clues, working together is optional, and even though they usually will end up working together, this leads to much more organic interactions between the characters. Groups of people in real life and groups of characters in fiction don’t just cooperate for no reason, and in a lot of fiction it’s most interesting when they don’t always cooperate at all.

And when the game is played like this, it could really go anywhere. The party might expertly find every clue and solve the mystery right away (awesome), or they might turn on each other, splitting into factions working against each other, or just out right fighting (awesome)

They might even be working against each other from the start. In Eureka, a PC can be in on whatever plot the party is trying to stop, and, monster or not, they may even be directly responsible. If that’s the case, then it would spoil the mystery for other players to see their character sheet. But, it would be really suspicious if only one PC’s sheet was hidden, so therefore every PC’s character sheet is always hidden, so you never know if there’s a traitor or not.

This has the added benefit of you as a player getting to know the other players’ PCs like you would a character from any other type of fiction, they reveal who they are through their actions, not through objective information you read on a sheet.

[dont share character sheets]

And when one of them turns out to have been a werewolf the whole time, you’re either going to have an “I knew it!” moment or “What?!” moment when they get revealed, which you wouldn’t have had if somebody had just told you that before the game even started.

On the flip-side, when you’re playing a monster, you get to participate in foreshadowing. Dropping little hints through your description, watching obvious signs of vampirism fly right over other players’ and PCs’ heads, getting to make the shocking reveal, it’s a whole different gameplay experience in more than just pure mechanics.

And like I said before, all character sheets have to be secret because if they weren’t, then whenever a character sheet is secret, you’d always know that’s the monster.

(the art you see here is from team artists @qsycomplainsalot, @chaospyromancy, and @theblackwarden)

[camilaxmartin]

hello good!!Could you do something about Vanessa x reader.the reader where the reader is a security guard and has a relationship with vanessa.One day while walking home, a group of drunks harass the reader and Vanny's personality comes to light?

unwanted touch

hi dear, sorry for the wait!! i need to get back to my writing habits skshdk anyway, i love the idea of vanny coming to light when ‘we’ are in danger and doing stuff vanessa wouldn’t normally do but oh my- she wants to. also, the whole way of switching personalities was inspired by @foxcantswim fics about vanessa/vanny:)

navigation // information // masterlist

summary: (request)

warnings: old gross men, harassment, unwanted touch, a bit of gore, pet names (one use of ‘bunny’)

notes: i actually loved writing this one and i’m so happy with how it turned out:) let me know what you think!!

requests: open!!

i looked at the cameras checking every room for the last time on this shift. everything was perfectly still, there wasn’t any mess anywhere, all the machines were turned off and the animatronics stood right where they needed to. perfect. i looked at the time showing 5:58 am and i comfortably sat in my chair turning off all the cameras and throwing my head slightly back letting out a deep sigh. night shifts were a pain in the ass but at least i could even in the slightest help vanessa with paying the rent. oh, and my parents finally stopped thinking of me as a failure, even though they haven’t really said it straight to my face. i took a deep breathe and blinked a few times trying my best to at least stay awake until i get home. i looked at the time again, seeing 6:00 am finally came along. i smiled to myself and got up from my seat, grabbing my bag and my phone. i closed the doors to ‘my’ office and waved to the animatronics while walking past them to the main entrance. i locked the door and tried opening it, to see if anyone will be able to break in. when the doors didn’t even move, i smiled to myself once more and began walking home, daydreaming of finally laying in my bed and going to sleep.

i walked the small sidewalk lighted up by high beams, even though it was already 6:00 am the sun was not yet awake so it was still pretty dark. i watched as the lights make circles on the ground and smiled at the sight just admiring the way it looked. i felt my phone buzzing in my pocket so i immediately took it out and checked the message i apparently got.

vanessa<3:

are you coming home already? or should i pick you up?

i smiled seeing the message and quickly sent a reply, that i’m already walking home. not waiting for another text from my girlfriend i slipped my phone into my pocket once again and continued on walking by the sidewalk hopping over the broken tiles, not even paying special attention on doing so. when i jumped over the last cracked one i realised that the lights end here and i have to walk through a total darkness for a while. i rolled my eyes not liking this idea in the slightest but not having any other option. i started walking the dark path trying not to think about all the horrible things that could happen and just simply focusing on my surroundings in case something actually happens. i slowly walked past an abandoned church and scrunched my nose at the sight of it. i turned my head around and noticed some other strangely looking building not being able to define what was it purpose before becoming abandoned. i shook my head slightly and looked down at the ground trying to just get over this dark path as quickly as i could. after many of my steps i’ve noticed a light in the distance and immediately smiled knowing i won’t be so scared in just a few more steps. focusing only on the light i haven’t noticed some people started to slowly walk behind me. i took a notice of their presence when they started talking to me.

“what a pretty lady like you does alone in the streets at night?” one of them asked, from his voice i could easily tell that he was drunk. i rolled my eyes and tried to ignore him, quickening my steps.

“there’s no need for rush” another man spoke up and i felt my heartbeat rising. maybe i should’ve asked vanesssa to pick me up.

“so? where are you going?” the first of them asked again. i tried to walk straight in my direction but knew they wouldn’t leave me alone if i just ignored them.

“i’m going back from work” i said not looking back at them but feeling their presence there still. and their smell.

“at this hour? it can be dangerous, let us help you out” the first one spoke up again, i could feel the smirk in his voice. i had to physically hold myself not to roll my eyes again. i tried ignoring them once more.

“yeah, we can definitely help you” the other one chuckled and i felt goosebumps cover my body in disgust.

“thank you a lot, but i can manage” i said and started walking even faster, feeling that they also picked up their pace. shit.

“oh, don’t be like that” the first one spoke up again. “we just want to help you, nothing more” he chuckled knowing exactly what he really meant by those words. i smiled sarcastically not even being sure if they can see my full face.

“thanks, again but i can take care of myself” i said seeing the light move closer and closer as i went into its direction. i felt my phone buzz again and i prayed it was another of vanessa’s messages. i moved my hand into my pocket trying to get it out but then they spoke up again.

“hey hey-“ one of them started and grabbed my hand that tried to take out my phone. i felt my heartbeat rise up again as i was completely terrified. “tell your boyfriend he can wait while we show you how real men act” he said and laughed the other ones along with him. there were at least four of them so it was obvious i didn’t stand a chance against them. i tried to wiggle my hand out but it did nothing as he hold me in place not even letting me walk.

“i don’t have a boyfriend” i said my brain going completely numb in that situation. the one holding my hand laughed again gripping my wrist a bit tighter, i groaned at the touch.

“then it’s even easier” he chuckled and tried to pull me closer to them but then i remembered one thing vanessa has taught me recently. i should always pull my hand in the direction of somebody’s thumb. i quickly looked at his hand around my wrist, the darkness not helping in the slightest and noticed that his thumb was pointing to the right. i immediately moved my arm right snatching out of his grab as my eyes widened not believing it actually worked. all of them looked at me in shock and my brain started to work again as i began running towards the light at the end of this dark alley.

i didn’t turn my head until i reached the light and noticed a lot of homes and buildings around me. i started to breathe deeply and finally turn around not noticing anyone behind me or even further in the dark. i shook my head at the whole situation and continued walking home, doing it quicker that usual. i took out my phone finally and looked at the notification, noticing it was actually a message from vanessa.

vanessa<3:

it’s taking you a while, are you okay? are you sure you don’t need me to pick you up?

i smiled at the message and sent her a quick one back saying that i’ll be home in less than five. i shoved my phone back into my pocket again, trying to focus on anything else rather than that situation.

when i opened the doors to our shared apartment my eyes have met with the blonde’s ones and i immediately smiled at that. i closed the door and locked it behind me throwing the keys on the kitchen counter.

“finally you’re back” she said coming up to me and locking me into a hug. “i was starting to worry”

i chuckled and hugged her back, hugging her even tighter than usually. “nothing to worry about” i said and laughed a bit too fake for her not to notice.

vanessa leaned away and raised one of her eyebrows at me, looking adorably considering that she was still in her pyjama. “what’s with the fake laugh? did something happen to you?” she asked visibly concerned, worry spread out on her face.

“no no!” i said throwing my hands around “just a bunch of guys wanted to probably rape me, but nothing happened” i said visibly exaggerating the situation but vanessa didn’t laugh. oh boy.

“did they touch you?” she asked her voice stern. i swallowed the saliva i had in my mouth wondering how to get out of this conversation.

“nothing happened, i’m okay, that’s what matters” i said while shaking my head and walking away to put my bag on the ground.

vanessa walked behind me almost immediately and grabbed my chin with one of her hands making me look at her. “did. they. touch. you?” she asked putting a more annoyed tone on every of the words. i let out a deep sigh.

“yes.” i said and looked down at her lips not wanting to keep the eye-contact with her. “one of them grabbed my wrist but, thanks to your practice, i got away” i explained and looked up into her eyes again, seeing a somehow crazy look slowly entering them. oh no.

“where was it?” she asked her gaze still on my eyes. “tell me” she said trying to sound more softly but making it come out as even more annoyed.

“in the dark path i had to walk from my work.” i said not knowing how to fully explain it. “close to the abandoned church if you know what i’m talking about” i added and she simply nodded her head letting go of my face.

“from this day on i’ll always drive you off the work” she said and walked to the kitchen making herself a cup of coffee to start the day. i bit the inside of my cheek not knowing what to respond still not being sure if i’m talking to vanessa or maybe vanny just now.

“i’m going to sleep” i said and yawned. vanessa looked at me with a smile on her lips while sipping her coffee.

“sleep tight, i’ll be back before you go to work today” she said starting to get ready for her day shift. i just nodded my head with a smile.

i went to our bedroom, laying down on the bed not even caring about taking off my clothes. just as i was about to fall asleep i heard the doors creak and slowly opened one of my eyes. i saw vanessa quickly walking over to me and giving my forehead a kiss. i smiled sleepily and immediately fell asleep.

i groaned looking at the time sitting in my chair. five minutes left till the end of my shift. i grabbed my phone looking for messages from vanessa to see if she was still coming to pick me up but nothing came. i burrowed my eyebrows not understanding why she hasn’t wrote anything yet. i rolled my eyes shoving the phone into my pocket and taking a last look at the cameras. everything was pretty still so i turned them off, gathering my things to finally leave this place. i threw the bag over my shoulder and took out headphones from it preparing myself for the walk home again. i checked the phone for the last time - nothing. i sighed and closed the door to my office, saying my goodbyes to the animatronics as i was leaving. i locked the mane entrance and began walking home still hoping somewhere deep, vanessa would come pick me up. i played one of my playlists trying to make this walk at least a bit more enjoyable.

i was walking the path with high beams and smiled again at the sight of circles appearing on the ground. as usual, i started jumping over the cracked tiles trying my best not to step over a broken one. after many steps i’ve noticed that the dark part of my walk was approaching and i immediately felt goosebumps covering my skin. i rolled my eyes forgetting about jumping over the tiles and tried my best not to freak out at the thought alone of meeting those guys from yesterday.

i passed the last light and my dark path started. i kept my eyes at the ground not even looking around at the church or that old building, concentrating only on the task of getting out of this dark alley. a slow song suddenly started playing in my headphones making me more aware of my surroundings than i wanted. great. i still tired to just focus on my steps not caring about anything else, but of course it couldn’t go that smoothly.

“long time no see huh?” a man said suddenly appearing behind my back. from his voice i concluded it was the same one from yesterday. i tried ignoring him at my best.

“you probably couldn’t wait to see us again right?” another one of them spoke up and my heartbeat rose up again. i glanced at them seeing there were five man behind me. i was horrified.

“let us show you how real men treat women” different one of them laughed and immediately grabbed my wrist, this time holding with both of his hand so i couldn’t shove out. i felt tears coming to my eyes.

“take off those headphones” one of them said and with my free hand i did as he told me not wanting to be in even more trouble than i already was. they pulled me with them to an even darker corner of the alley, probably behind that church. my brain went numb again i literally didn’t know what to do.

the one holding me shoved me into the wall still holding my wrist waiting for the others to start their actions. i closed my eyes not wanting to see anything and just hoping for the end to come.

one of them grabbed my neck and squeezed it so harshly i thought they wanted to just kill me at the spot. another one started to unbutton my pants and the tears from my eyes started to run down my cheeks. when he finally stopped unzipping my pants i heard a noise at the end of the alley from where they previously took me. i gently opened my eyes and saw a pair of red ones in the distance. oh god.

when that man wanted to pull my pants down another one of them started screaming in pain and my eyes immediately opened wide. i saw vanny’s costume slit his throat with one swift motion of her hand. i looked in disbelief at this situation thanking in my soul for her rescue.

vanny didn’t stop there, when the rest of them looked at her terrified i almost saw her smile widen even more but maybe it was just my imagination playing tricks on me. she shoved the lifeless body of that man into the wall running up to the next one and pushing her knife into his stomach, the man yelled in pain and fear, while his shirt started to become red from his blood. vanny twisted her knife repeatedly in his body trying to make it as painful for him as it was humanly possible. when that man stopped yelling from all the tiredness she took her knife out and shoved him into the ground with one kick, letting him bleed out. she looked back at the three that were still left. one of them started screaming and running away vanny only following him with her glowing eyes, definitely letting him get away… at least for now. she then moved her red glowing eyes to the two standing the closest to me. if that was what she did for the ones who didn’t even touch me, i definitely wouldn’t want to be in the skin of those two.

she tilted her head while looking at them and waved her knife from side to side, obviously debating on what to do about them. i felt that one of them took their hands off of my wrist while the other let go of my neck. i smiled to her not being sure if she saw my face. one of the men suddenly started to run towards her which was the stupidest decision he has ever made in his life. vanny swiftly grabbed his neck, just like he did to me a moment ago, and shoved him into the wall keeping him there and looking straight into his eyes. then, she moved her knife to his face and harshly pushed it into one of his eyes. he started to scream but then she pushed the knife even deeper not liking that he was making a noise, or wanting him to make even more of them. she hardly pulled the knife out along with his eye and dropped the knife to the ground. with her free hand, she pushed two fingers inside the hole in his head and tried to crush his bones. he screamed unbelievably louder and she definitely had enough of it cause then she pulled her fingers out and shoved her whole hand so deep into his throat i didn’t even know it was possible. she somehow managed to grab his vocal cords and rip them out making him bleed also from his mouth. she let go of him and let him slide down the wall not even being able to scream anymore.

the next thing she did was quickly run up to the man who was previously holding my wrist and just shove him to the ground sitting down on his hips keeping him there. he started screaming so she slapped him on the face with her fluffy paw. she then looked back to where her knife was laying and quickly turned around to him. knowing she wanted to use her knife again i walked over to it and picked it up moving to give it to her. but when i came over, she was already playing with not one, but both of his eyeballs using them like rubber balls. i looked at that situation a bit horrified by it all but also feeling a strange satisfaction that they got what they deserved. she then turned her head around and noticed me holding her knife. she shoved it out of my hand and started slowly cutting his face. the knife went in like into a cake and again i swore her smile widened. when his whole face was cut up and i was pretty sure he already passed away she stood up and shoved her knife right into his manhood. the man screamed for the last time and then life left his body for good. vanny dropped the knife and laughed out loud, looking around and seeing everything she did.

i looked at her still a bit terrified by all of this but a small smile creeped up to my face at the thought that she did all this for me. she finally moved her head to look at me and walked over to me staring my face down with titled head. then she moved closer and connected my nose with her fluffy big one. i chuckled slightly as my hands gently stroked her mask. vanny then moved her hands and took of the mask showing me her beautiful face, with messed up hair and a maniac look in her eyes. i tried to keep my calm but my pulse sped up uncontrollably. she laughed still looking at my face and threw her mask on the ground grabbing my waist with her one blooded paw while the other she put on my cheek gently stroking it.

“you’re mine” she said, her voice sounding maniacally, i still wonder how she manages do to that.

“only yours” i whispered and smiled to her trying my best not to be scared. she laughed feeling my heartbeat rise and rolled her eyes.

she moved her head closer to me and connected our lips in a passionate kiss, showing me how deeply she cares and that she would literally do anything to keep me safe. i smiled into the kiss and wrapped my hands around her hair, keeping her in place for as long as she lets me. vanny sighed into the kiss and slowly leaned away still gripping my waist. she opened her eyes and the maniac look was still present. i smiled to her taking my hands out of her hair.

“i would do anything for you. we would” she said and laughed again this time it sounded more like a chuckle.

“i know” i said and smiled to her. “and i really appreciate it” i added and gave her lips a quick peck.

vanny smiled at me and let go of my waist as well as my cheek to grab my hand while her other one picked up her mask. she led me out of that dark corner as i looked back at all the bodies and then turned to her not knowing if it’s safe to just leave them like that. she laughed seeing my sight and gently shook her head putting the mask back on.

“don’t worry about it, bunny” she said and pulled me closer to her once again now standing almost in the light of the street lights. “vanessa will take care of it, i discussed it with her earlier” she said and my eyes went wild at the mention of vanessa realising she knew exactly what vanny did. i smiled to her and uncontrollably giggled at everything that happened. vanny laughed with me as well and pulled me in for the tightest hug i’ve ever received from her.

[elexuscal]

The "Top" fics in fandom are not the "Best"

I've seen a couple of posts here in there implying that the ways to find the best fics in fandoms are just to go to ao3, and sort by 'Most Kudoses', 'Most Bookmarks', 'Most Comments', etc. I've also seen some folks say they feel like their fics are failures if they don't make it to the front page(s), or at least near there.

But the simple fact: this is not true.

Now, I'm not saying that the top-rated fics in a fandom are bad.

Far from it! They're often very popular for a reason. Well written, fun dynamics, cool plots, etc. A lot of my own favourite fics have made it to the first page when you sort by "Most Kudos"-- but then, a lot of mine also haven't.

Why?

Because those selections are inherently biased.

What do I mean by that? Just that there are other factors influencing what stories accumulate the most comments/kudoses/etc in a fandom, meaning none of these serve as a neutral metric of quality.

I'm going to explain some of these biases briefly, just so folks get a sense of what I mean:

Age Bias This, I think, is the easiest to grasp. A fic that is three years old just has had more time to gain views than a fic that's three days old. Also, consider that pretty much any fandom needs time to grow. If you're in the first days/weeks/months of a fandom, there probably just isn't that much content being made. If there's only 10 fics on the archive, then 11th one stands out. It'll get a lot of attention. But if that same fic were to come out a couple years later, when there were 11 fics published in a single day, well, people are more likely to miss it. If you doubt me, take a look at the front page of 'Most Kudos' for a fandom of your choice. You'll probably see a lot of the stories there are on the older side- and this is exactly why.

Multi-Chapter Bias There are a lot of ways people find new fics to read, and one of the most basic is just: look at the front page of the most recent updates. Now, this way of sorting fics is exactly what it sounds like. A list of fics in order of when they were most recently posted/updated. But, obviously, if a fic has multiple chapters, it's going to appear on that front page way more often. A 50 chapter epic has 49 more chances to get seen this way than a one-shot. This issue becomes even more intense when you consider the Most Comments sort option. For a one shot, a person is probably likely to only comment once. Maybe if they really love the story and revisit, they'll leave a second or third. But multi-factor fics? By design, people come back every update. And that means a lot of people leave comments every single time. (Or at the very least, after big plot developments and twists!) This is what leads to long-running multi-chapter epics dominating the 'Most Comments' rankings in most fandoms.

Popular Pairing Bias Again, this is just obvious. Some pairings are more popular than others. A rare-pair fic can be just as soulful, hot, and well-written as a story featuring the fandom's powerhouse fic, but if only 30 people are interested, well... [shrug] Less people will click on it, kudos it, and leave a comment. To a lesser extent, you can expand this to any trope. 'Coffee Shop AUs' just seem to be more popular than, say, '1930s Mobster AUs'. That effects what tags people search, and what fics they find. But shipping is such an important element of many fandom cultures I thought it would be the most illustrative.

Positive Feedback Loop Bias And honestly, this is maybe the real clincher. Because I've established some of the things that can cause a story to start gathering lots of kudos, comments, and bookmarks in a first place. But once that starts, you get a positive feedback loop going. Because what's one of the first things a person does when they're looking for good stories in a fandom? They sort by 'Most Kudos'. And then they select the first story on the list, and they like it. So they leave a comment and kudos and... Yeaaaah.

So... What do we do about it?

Well. Nothing really. This isn't really a problem. It's just something to be aware of.

Any attempt to put metrics on something as subjective as art is going to fall short. So don't go rating the quality of your own stories about how well it performs, and don't go chasing those coveted top spots. You'll have a lot more fun if you just write stuff that you enjoy, make some friends, and recognise a lot of factors influence fanfic statistics beyond just quality.

Searching via most comments/kudoses/bookmarks remains one of the easiest and quickest ways to start diving into a new fandom. It's often the first things I do, and found stories I love that way.

That said: I highly encourage you to search for fics beyond just that method. Here are some of my suggestions if you want to figure out ways to get started:

Search up Fanfic Rec Lists. Lots of people put them on their blogs, and websites like TVTropes even have that as a whole feature

Ask for fic recs! Seriously! Post about it in the fandom's tumblr tag, join Discord communities, etc, and just say, "Hey, I'd love to read a story where... [insert the general themes, characters, or plot points you like". People will be EXCITED to share.

Search by specific tags Like, do you really, really love time loops? Search the 'Time Loop' tag in your favourite fandoms. A lot of specific tropes, AUs, etc. are canonized, so you can find a lot of stuff up your alley that way

Browse the most recently updated fics Yeah, I know, it's old school. But seriously, you can find some awesome stuff there-- including stories from new authors just starting out, who could really use a boost!

And hey... if you find some stories you like... Consider writing some fic recommendation lists of your own. Spread the love!

[vampirtulpe]

Kampfmaschinen maintenance

Was struck by the sudden idea for an au that solely consisted of "What if Kaiser actually is a machine", so I drew two quick pics and wrote some lore to get it out of my system.

Anyway, some notes about it are under the cut (It's pretty long, sorry about that)

-Whole reason for Kaiser being a machine is basically him getting super injured during his time in the army, there was no chance of him for survival. Kaiser's only family was his mother, so scientists decided to take the opportunity and run some experiments on Kaiser to see if they can make super soldiers by enhancing them with machinery

-Kaiser survived, miraculously, but the experiment was still deemed a failure, since Kaiser didn't only get some horrific trauma from the procedures and his time in the army, his body was also weaker than it was before all the machinery was inserted into him. The technology just wasn't advanced enough at the time and keeps him alive rather than actually making him stronger

-Aside from that he actually works very similar to how he was before, just more traumatized. He doesn't need to breathe or eat or drink, but he still likes doing it, just to feel like everything is normal

-Things get a little more difficult with maintenance, cause the lab that ran all the experiments on him was forcefully shut down after it was discovered what was done there. Kaiser knows how to maintain himself, but he's worried that there is now nowhere he can get replacement parts, should something break one day (Which it inevitably will)

-Kaiser still found a home in the WVBA, all the boxers are very nice with him and some of them even learned how to help Kaiser with maintenance. The main person for that is Joe, Kaiser trusts him with his life (while Joe almost shits himself every time, he's that scared of messing up)

-He was a feared boxer for a long time, but eventually his trauma caught up to him and the technology that kept him running was getting more and more outdated, causing him to lose more and more often and eventually move to the minor circuit

-Kaiser knows that it's just a matter of time until regular maintenance isn't enough anymore to keep him running and tries to make peace with it by telling himself that he is just a machine and not the man he used to be. It's his way to cope, even if it's unhealthy, it's the only thing that desensitizes him -But in truth, he's absolutely terrified of the day he stops working, he doesn't feel ready at all, but tries to not let it show, he doesn't want it to make it any more difficult for the other boxers (Who are having absolutely none of it and always aggressively shut him down)

-Right now the only people even willing to give it a try to help Kaiser are the scientists that worked on Soda, but Soda REALLY doesn't want them anymore near his friends, so he'd rather they wait until it isn't an option anymore. He just knows what they are capable of and wants to protect the WVBA, they are like a family to him

-Kaiser has a kind of berserk mode, where he will just rampage and destroy everything and everyone in his path. He isn't aware of it existing and no one knows how to trigger it, so let's hope it stays that way Well, yeah, that's all I came up with, hope you enjoy this. Oh, and here is the second art, as a continuation of the first ^^

[kenniecrazyface]

Genuine question!!

I really would like to know any opinions on my art style, I suppose specifically for MD. If it’s bad, please let me know how I should change it.

Mostly it’s the head/face/eyes/hair that are different. (There are definitely the full bodies on posts I’ve made) below the poll I’ll put some examples of that to judge (I know the composition isn’t great, I’m just wondering specifically about my STYLE.)

Below the cut I’ll put my personal opinions and background on it, I just don’t want to sway anybody to pick a certain option. I need to know the cold truth lol.

To explain the heads, when I first tried drawing them a long time back I tried to the original design, but I’ve always had trouble with rounder heads. For the eyes, I just wanted to change it in a way that kinda reflects how I’d naturally draw. I just don’t know if that’s any good ofc. Here’s a couple for comparison from the current style

Even though I do joke stuff a lot, I want to be able to have the serious stuff I make to look good; I truly think I’m doing something wrong because stuff I spend more effort on seems to always flop heh. I always wonder if it’s my cheap equipment, just algorithm, bad skills, or if I did something wrong in order to deserve failure. I really want my best to be good enough.

My wish is to be one of those notable people in the community, in whatever (positive) way that could be. I’d like people to look up to me. Thinking things like that feels very arrogant though.

[luciferanalyzestar]

After Sinsmas I’m fuckin done with Helluva Boss. What could’ve have been a fun premise with compelling themes of socialism and classism sprinkled in between has become a melodramatic sobfest for the creator’s pet who everyone in the narrative must bend over to no matter what

I just made a post feeling the same way.

Helluva's premise could have been simple here is just rewrite of it:

Blitz, an imp who is at bottom of the social hierarchy wants to make a name for himself. He gets the idea of becoming an assassin who kills humans for sinners. He meets Moxxie and Millie and they joined him, Moxxie wants to get away from his toxic past and Millie wants to prove herself to her family. Blitz does not have the ability to go to Earth and fails at getting a crystal from Ozzie (Unknown to Blitz. he is ex-crush/friend Fizz is Ozzie's boyfriend), he learns an Ars Goetia named Stolas has a book that allows demons to travel to Earth. To make his dream a reality, he makes a deal with the sex repressed prince. Blitz has to be Stolas' escort and have sex with him once a month. Blitz does not tell his co-workers about this deal. After spending time with Stolas, he learns how much of a self-absorbed classist he really is. He gets creeped out when Stolas says fetishizing stuff about him being an imp. Blitz hates being around Stolas but does not want to disappoint his co-workers or his adopted daughter. Stolas develops a twisted crush on Blitz, viewing him as a form of escapism from his doomed from the started marriage. He does not care for Blitz as a person but as a sex object to fill his sexual desires. (If I wanted to rewrite Helluva, I would make Loona younger so we can see them bound more as a single father with a young child) Imps around him have tried to start businesses, but they never go far. Failure is not an option for him. Stella finds out about the deal Stolas made with Blitz and uses it as blackmail against him. She knows he will loss his title if it is found out that he has playing around with the lower class. She never loved Stolas but stays in the marriage to protect Octvia meeting the same fate as her (being a baby making machine) and if she divorces Stolas, she will be left with nothing.

I feel like a decent writer should have made this show's premise work and still being entertaining without becoming melodramatic. Like I mention in the post I linked, Blitz and Stolas are the main reason I am losing interest. I know stans go "IT IS CALLED HELLUVA BOSS!! OF COURSE BLITZ GETS MOST OF THE FOCUS!!!" Other franchises that are named after a character still give the other characters chances to shine like Sonic, Bluey, SpongeBob, and etc.

I highlighted the episodes of season two where Blitz and Stolas' relationship is a part of the plot.

Out of eleven episodes, only four is not about those two. If their relationship was spaced out more, giving other relationships and dynamics the spotlight, I would not have a problem with it.

The narrative doing backflips to make their relationship work grinds my gears. There is nothing romantic about it, the relationship's foundation is built off of sex and at worst, sexual coercion. I keep asking this question but what does Stolas see in Blitz outside of "being good in bed"? Same goes for Blitz. Blitz is a damaged person; the last thing he needs is to get into a relationship. I fear that the show will go in the direction that all of Blitz will heal from his trauma once he marries Stolas or some shit. Getting into a relationship will not solve your problems. People are not Band-Aids.

It is pure melodrama. We all know that Blitz and Stolas are going to get together. Seeing them lukewarm trials and tribulations so they can be together is wasting our time.

They should have gotten together in at the end of season 1. and maybe season two should have been about the hardships of their relationship of a prince falling in love with someone who lower status. I think their relationship would have worked if Stolas was not an imp fetishizer and got called out more on his classism and if Blitz is less of an unpleasant jerk and was just someone who always have their guards up due to being hurt by others in the past.

Helluva seems like an easy show to write about, why are Viv, Brandon, and Adam fumbling the bag so hard???

Off topic under the cut:

I wonder if someone reworked the show into being about humans.

Brad, man of color becomes a hit man to support himself and his adopted daughter. He wants his young daughter to have a better life than he said growing up. He gets anonymously hire to kill a wealthy higher class White man named Seth. (The anonymous person was Seth's wife, Stella). Brad gets caught by Seth but instead of reporting him to the police, Seth makes a deal with Brad that he will be his personal hit man, killing all of his business rivals. The downside is that he must do sexual favors for/on Seth.

[dia-souls]

DIABOLIK LOVERS Imajin Tokuten Drama CD “Big brothers' debate, history of the demons?!”

Original title: 兄弟間の話し合い, 悪魔の歴史?!

Source: Fanmade Tokuten Drama CD

Story by: Admin Irsa

Seiyuu: Suegara rie, Toriumi Kousuke, Takahiro Sakurai, Toshiyuki Morikawa, Tomoaki Maeno

Admin's note: Hey! I am back with a new Drama CD. These days I was confused whether I should upload a one shot or a Drama CD, after debate I went for CD as they are easier to write. Tbh this one is rushed as I didn't properly sat and think about scenes. I just wrote what came in my mind as Carla, Ruki and Shu are my favourite ships with Yui. I wanted to make a CD with any topic about them and finally I did. This cd is focused on Shu roasting as his roasting isn't appreciated enough I focused on that, Carla and Ruki are getting roasted. I have zero idea about demon things origin it's all made up and not canon. Again reviews are welcomed 😭 please review as it's the thing that gets me motivated.

Ruki: Oi! What's the meaning of this?

_Ruki entered the music room along with Carla.

Carla: That's should be my line. Woman, why did you call me with this guy?

Yui: Ruki-kun and Carla-san, thanks for coming!

_Yui walked up to them.

Ruki: State your reason here. I thought you finally stepped up your game by calling me alone in this music room, tsk.

Carla: You are truly a dense women with no sense of moral. Calling two men here in this music room, what do you hope to achieve.

_Yui's face flushed.

Yui: No-o.... You both have a misunderstanding... I-I--

Shu: Pwah.... Could you both stop ganging up on her. This shows your mentality instead of her. You are the one delusional for expecting something from a woman like her.

Ruki: Ohh... Sakamaki Shu. How about you remain quiet as you always have been.

_Ruki looked at him with cold eyes.

Shu: Hah! Why? Are you upset that I called you out?

_Shu looked at Ruki with cold eyes too.

Yui: Uhm... Shu-san wasn't cooperating to go anywhere, I had no choice but to call you both here in the music room.

Shu: Exactly! It was for my comfort don't get any ideas you perverts...

Carla: You inferior being dare to talk to a King of First blood like that!

_Carla stepped closer to Shu only for him to be blocked by Yui.

Yui: Carla-san calm down please!

Ruki: Hah! To think you need a woman to protect yourself, you truly are a failure as a man.

Shu: Is it me or are you both ganging up on me... What a pain.

Yui: Uhmm... I called you three here for an assignment.

Ruki: Assignment?? If you needed help you could have approached me privat--

Shu: Well she didn't for a reason and I think I can see why she didn't.

_Ruki glared at Shu.

Yui: Well this assignment is related to "Demons and Their history " I thought you three will be the best to talk about this topic since, I will get to know about history of vampires and founders. You three are the best options so please cooperate with me.

Carla: Hmm... So you want to know about History of founders. This will be a good idea. In this way you will know about your people.

Ruki: "Your people" what do you mean by that Tsukinami Carla.

_Carla looked at Ruki with serious eyes.

Carla: She will be the Queen of founders and as my wife she need to know about her people.

_Shu chuckled.

Shu: People? What people? Aren't founders extinct? Your history is already over.

Ruki: ...............

Yui: ................

Carla: You! How dare you vampire insult my royal bloodline! You scum!

Shu: This scum here at least has its race and isn't extinct like you.

Yui: Carla-san please-e stop I beg you don't!

_She immediately got between them stopping Carla.

Ruki: Livestock don't get in between. You aren't his Knight! Get over here!

_Shu looked at Ruki.

Shu: You need a knight actually considering your powers you half vampire.

_Ruki glared at Shu.

Ruki: You really got some guts for insulting me like that!

Yui: Ruki-kun please not you too!

_Yui left Carla to grab Ruki to stop him from getting to Shu.

Yui: Please! Please stop it!

Ruki: Hmph!

_Yui looked at them.

Yui: Umm.. For starters I have always wondered what's demons origin like how do they came into being.

Shu: In the same way you human exist we all exist that's it.

Yui: Huh? This means God made you all.

Carla: No...No God made us! We are first blood the superior--

Ruki: Hah! So you are claiming you existed from start?

Carla: My ancestors yes! Me? No.

Shu: Obviously you are after product.

Carla: Are you insulting me?!

Shu: Who knows?

Yui: Ohh? I see so that's how it is.... what about vampires? Do you all think Karlheinz-sama is the first vampire to exist.

Ruki: Good question! That man is a God with thoes incredible powers and--

Shu: Here comes his inner fanboy.

_Shu mumbled.

Ruki: Did you say something?

Shu: No...

Ruki: I see as I said. But I believe this isn't the case cuz you see he has a brother--

Shu: It's obvious he didn't crawl up directly from the hell. He was putted in this world by some miserable people. He must have some nasty parents.

Ruki: Don't insult him--

Carla: There was a time when all species were under us founder. We all were on top the most feared. No one dared to disrespect us during my father's time-

Shu: "Was" so this mean you agree to the fact you aren't feared anymore....

Carla: You! Are you picking a fight here?!? I would love to show you what fear is!

Yui: Calm down Carla-san! Shu-san is joking!

Ruki: I would rather say you humbled yourself. It must be because of her. One of us is bound to awaken as Adam.

Shu: "Us" aren't you excluded because you are half blood.

Ruki: ...........

Yui: Shu-san, why are you doing that?! Please stop it! My assignment needs to be completed.

Shu: Pwah... I am so tired could you hurry up and get over with this all.

Yui: Shu-san if you keep saying such things which angers them how am I supposed to hurry up??

Shu: Then you shouldn't have invited these short tempered people.

Carla: Now I get why that guy hates you. You clearly are a disappointment.

Shu: Ouch.. that hurted....

_Shu calmly said closing his eyes.

Ruki: This man infuriates me with his attitude!!

Yui: Please calm down you three-

Shu: Its not "three" it's "two" or" both" will be more suitable......

Ruki: You talk as if you are perfect you are nothing but a disappointment both as son and older brother.

Carla: To think you will be the one leading the vampire clan, I am sure vampire clan will be bound to ruin if the future king is a sloth.

Ruki: Hah! To think you are Karlheinz's son is a big insult.

_Yui looked at both of them angrily.

Yui: You both, it's too much stop it! You are being mean to Shu-san, he --

Ruki: To think you need to relay on others to do your work... hmph a disappointment.

_Shu smiled and looked at them.

Shu: I might be this and that but you both are still not better than me in anything. I still have everything without trying. You both could never. You both sound jealous and envious.

_Shu laughed.

Shu: I will still become king because I am better than my brothers and that old man's sons unlike someone over here I will have actual commerades actual people to lead too......

_Yui's eyes widened

Yui: Look you all, we are diverting from topic this isnt---

Carla: Huh! You really think you will get away by talking like that about me? If I want I could wipe you and your whole clan from this world!!

Ruki: You think crown will be passed to you like that you are wrong Sakamaki sShu. The crown goes to someone who has Eve and you clearly don't have her!!

Shu: So do you have her? You talk as if you have--

Carla: That's my clan will be restored by this woman so put your nasty gaze off from my woman!

Ruki: "My women"?? You are being very bold considering she doesn't even bat her lashes to you!

Yui: You-u.. gu..ys...please listen--

Carla: Your half breed aren't even in race your blood is too impure to be contaminated with someone as precious as her!

Shu: She doesn't deserve to live with a guy who is as twisted as you in first place!

Ruki: Haha! So she deserve a sloth like you a man who sleeps all day and doesn't have a will too live you!

Yui: You... Guys... stop it's enou--kyaaa

_Yui disappeared without them noticing.

Shu: She doesn't deserve someone disgusting like you with such twisted fantasies.

Ruki: She doesn't deserve someone who is a faliure as a man. A man who runs from duties and responsibilities isn't suitable for her!

Kino: You all are right! She doesn't deserve you three!

_They all turned to look at kino.

Kino: She deserve a prince as she is a princess and that Prince is me!

Carla: You! Where do you come from?!

Kino: Listen up buddies from all of your conversation I realized I am the best option for her. So it's better if you wed her to me!

Ruki: You--where is livestock?!

Kino: She is safe and sound with me don't worry I will invite you three to our wedding! Ohh! Your families are also invited!

Shu: Hahh I knew something like this will happen...

Carla: I will destroy you! Give my woman back to me!

Kino: Hehe! Never and We will see that! Sayonara!!!!

[navajja]

Personally I have a lot of options about Stoliz relationships, and I don't enjoy how they treat eachother, so here are some Stolas and Stoliz redesign and facts just to make myself happy, completely self indulgent.

Cracgking fingers* WElLL

In this idea Stolas is slightly older than Blitzø because of some magic thing he did to learn ages worth of information, they meet at the same age but when they see eachothers again Stolas is slightly older, maybe around ten years.

Stolas marriage with Stela is very complicated (i blame my friend for this idea) it is common behavior in the Goetia family to marry for convenience and HATE their spouses, they all talk shit about each other and laugh at their spouses expenses, it is what is normal for them and it is the way they have fun, everyone is used to this marriage social construct, but Stolas is the weird one of the bunch.

He tried really hard to have a happy marriage and he never truly understood why Stela humiliated him in family gatherings, and it only made it worse when he felt genuinely offended by his words because he was taking the fun out of their marriage. Stolas has a hard time understanding this. Goetia family DOES NOT GET DIVORCES that are considered a failure, u can hate ur spouse all u want but Divorce is a big NO.

Octavia, is actually 20 years old and she wants to be independent, but Stolas is an overprotective parent, he thinks he is staying married for her sake, but it is actually because he is afraid of what people would say. Octavia moved out of the palace but she is actually living in the garden in a smaller part of the castle (just a nepo baby thinking she is independent) Stolas actually cried for that. He is an overprotective parent, but his kid is not a kid anymore and she doesn't need them, he should be looking for his own happiness and all of this is driving him to a mid life crisis (he is 40 and Goetia lives to +250 years, but he feels old)

One night Blitzo shows up with the intention of stealing Stolas book. They end up getting drunk in stolas room talking about everything, it is the first night they enjoy in a long time. All of the alcohol and happiness ends up in the having great sex, and it is not part of the deal they made for the book, the deal is about Blitzo visiting Stolas when he needs his book, he is free to leave right away if he wants but hey genuinely enjoy eachothers company and the fuckin is just a fun little extra. They don't label their relationship, they got issues.

Stella never finds out about Stolas actively cheating on her, she knows something is wrong but can't figure out what, especially because she doesn't believe Stolas is capable of cheating on her with the lower class.

Blitzo is the same idiot we know, but he doesn't act like he hates stolas, but words are hard for him so they never truly talk or say that there feelings are very real. He has low self-esteem, he believes strongly that he doesn't deserve been liked by Stolas and he feels like he is taking advantage every time they are together, he keeps himself for saying those things because he is in love and he takes what he can until Stolas gets tired of him

Blitzo's business idea came up because he needed something substantial he could leave for Loona. If someone ever happens to him he knows Mox and Millie would keep her company but he needs to be sure she will have a future of he is not around.

He adopted her at age 13, she was on high alert all the time but soon enough she was Blitzo precious little girl, but she is 15 now and she is a menace to the world, the teenager rebellion hit her hard, and Blitzo doesn't have anyone to ask for parenting advices, his only ideas are for trying to do the contrary his father did to him, so Loona is spoiled considering Blitzø financial reality.

All i have so far, sorry about it, muak.

[theweirdwideweb]

I'm on my second career path choice after disliking my first choice (both fields required schooling), and I'm finding that I also strongly dislike my second choice. I'll be 27 soon and I'm feeling like a failure. All I want is to make decent money and not be miserable. I really thought the fields I chose would be right for me when I chose them and had to learn the hard way that they weren't. I'm tired, tired of being a perpetual beginner and of spending so much time and energy on schooling and "figuring it out". I just want to be doing the thing and move forwards so I can focus on the things that really matter to me. Any advice for someone in this position?

It sounds really frustrating. I wish we lived in a world where a person was free to explore careers without attaching a university size price tag to it. Here's the deal though: 27 is not old. I know it feels old, but I promise you it's not. I'm 37 myself and exploring my options and I don't feel too old at all. Many people do it. Since you're asking for my advice, I think for now you can work the highest paying job you can stand and pay off debt. Personal fulfillment in one's career is something to be envied, but obviously not the reality for most people. Show up, cash your check, pay down debt, and invest time and energy into your relationships and hobbies. I imagine your disillusionment with the first two careers might have been caused by any number of factors: 1) A misunderstanding of what working the career looks like day to day. 2) A youthful ignorance to the realities of capitalism. 3) The personal transformation that occurs between the ages of 18-27 changed you into a person that's no longer interested in the things you once were. The good news is that your personality begins to settle as you approach 30. You know much better what you need and want, your limitations, and the limitations of the world around you. I think you'll find the career path you're looking for. Just buckle down, make some money, make a secure place for yourself financially and socially, then revisit the subject when your sense of self solidifies.

Now I never talk about this because it's plain rude and makes me look like a jackass. When I went to college at 18 I had a small fortune from my dead father's life insurance. $250,000 or right about there. I spent all that money in 4 years and landed flat on my ass at 22 with nothing. I worked assembly line, food court, drug dealing, writing for scam websites, retail, online sex work, and even sold buttons at sports games. It took me until I was 28 to go back to school and I had to take out student loans to do it. But by that time I knew what I wanted. That initial failure of losing all that money, in the end, gave me the life experience to make wise choices. It was soul crushing the entire time but even the poor can make due with friends and a sense of humor. Don't beat yourself up. The past is the past. You will be fine.

[neptunescore]

Unpopular opinion

But I really think that if Logan had been able to go through F2 fully and develop like everyone else (except max) did, and was put on a ran that wasn’t Williams, he’d be a much better driver. I can tell he’s improving currently, but he’d be so much better if he was allowed to grow and thrive and then put into F1, but he was taken out of F2 early, dumped into F1, and expected to perform amazingly.

Not every driver can skip F2 or be taken out early and perform great. I think the old team principal set him up for failure but not sporting him to continue his endeavors on F2. He was doing well so the team principal wanted to get to him before any other team could and that ultimately led to Logan’s horrible first season.

And I also think he was done wrong by Williams this season too. I understand that he’s by no means the best driver on the grid, but he isn’t the worst either.

A lot of people don’t want to acknowledge the growth he has made since last year. His year was ruined before it could truly began. With what happened in Australia, the team took his confidence away, and things went down from there. He was so ready and extremely confident, but his car was taken as punishment for something that his teammate did to his own car.

I get that it was a decision based on who could get points, but what really did it was the fact that Alex didn’t get any points and then Logan got his busted up chassis

And even recently, Logan barely got upgrades. He was given stuff from last year. I think he would do so much better on a different team because Williams obviously do not care for him the way they care for Alex. I get that he hasn’t really been driving the way they want him, but to be honest, neither has Alex.

I don’t know, man, this is just my opinion, but I feel like if he was allowed to finish his formula 2 season and then put into formula 1 things would be better for him. And if he weren’t in Williams, then that would be even better. They are known as the worst team on the grid to put a rookie in.

Another unpopular opinion, but I genuinely think he deserves another chance in a team like haas. I know you’re probably going to disagree with me, but haas has a better car than Williams and they would treat him fairly. He would also bring the team many sponsors as the only American, so it would be a win-win.

We don’t know how he would perform in a different team with a better car, so I’m just saying I would like to see what would happen

Honestly I agree with everything uve said here anon, like wholeheartedly.

I'm just gonna add a few more things, but overall, we both have the exact same opinions.

I feel like ppl forget that williams is literally an OVERWEIGHT car, like u literally can't expect amazing results from them, and I know some of you are gonna talk abt how alex seems to be doing rlly well, but alex has been here since 2019. Not to forget that he was part of that redbull shitshow, like this man is fully trained in the art of surviving under stressful situations, and he's also an experienced driver.

I feel like there's more hate on logan bc ppl keep seeing how well Oscar's doing, and those 2 came into F1 at the same time. But you literally can't compare them. You can't. Oscar's one of the VERY few rookies who managed to adjust to f1 that quick, and logan literally just needs TIME like all the other drivers got when they first joined too. Not to mention how SUPPORTING mclaren is of oscar, while james vowels is out there already talking abt different driver options and williams is so blatantly unmotivating of logan. God, ofc it's just gonna affect his performance even more bc this is the ONLY team hes been with, and it's his SECOND year, he needs affirmations and support.

Oscar is also in an AMAZING car, and as I've said bfr, logan is NOT. Ppl rlly need to stop comparing them.

All in all, his situation makes me so sad.