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cheolhub · 2 years ago

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LOVE SCENE — LEE SEOKMIN ࿐

summary. you’re scared that seokmin might want to go separate ways after graduation, but he proves, in more ways than one, that he wants you. forever.

wc. 2.3k

warnings. college au. nerdy soft dom!seokmin, breeding kink xx, obscene amounts of dirty talk, pinch of angst, literal love making, unprotected sex, marriage kink, HEAVY praise, baby talk, v minimal plot im sorry — MINORS DNI 18+

note. DAMN ok i have a lot to say so i’ll keep it short. ONE this was a request but like i kinda didn’t do anything the request asked for and im so sorry, i hope u can forgive me anon. TWO i literally lost sight of the plot so dont ask me abt any missing details ehehb just enjoy seok being hot <3 THREE happy belated birthday to my minnie <3 FOUR thank u to my luvr @rkiv4d for beta-ing. yas ok enjoy

p.s. reblogs and feedback are extremely appreciated— i also love to hear ur thoughts <3

how seokmin pulled you, the most beautiful girl to ever walk the earth, he has no clue. he’s what people call a ‘nerd’ with his thick-rimmed glasses and his abnormally high IQ and you’re the pretty girl that didn’t understand the simplicity of covalent and ionic bonds who fell head over heels for him.

you couldn’t help it, he was so smart and so fucking pretty. he was awkward and he giggled when he got nervous and he was so unbelievably goofy that it had you laughing till you cried. nevertheless, he was the most beautiful man ever.

then you asked him out. he remembers it like it was yesterday. the last day of your chem class– the end of the first semester of your sophomore year– right after your final. you thanked him incessantly, giving him a hug for helping you get a B in the class. you told him you’d rather thank him another way— another way being a date. with you. at your place with a homemade dinner.

he would’ve been stupid to decline. so he didn’t. and the rest was history. seokmin became your boyfriend, grew more confident in himself, and fell in love with you.

now you’re in your final year, the last few weeks approaching quickly, and you’ve been anxious. anxious about seokmin leaving you, anxious about going separate ways after graduation, anxious that this was all just fun and games till it was time to get serious about life.

seokmin has picked up on your behavioral patterns over the past 2 years. he knows you so well, probably better than anyone else in your life– probably better than he knows himself.

so when seokmin sees you evading his eyes with his cock stretching you open, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“hey,” he whispers, stilling inside of you. when you don’t turn your head and your eyes are still closed, he calls for you. “baby?”

you feel your heart clench at the pet name. “hmm?” you hum.

“baby, do you not wanna do this anymore?” he questions worriedly, ready to pull away from you. “i can pull out.”

you mumble, “i-i do.”

he cocks his head even more confused, “talk to me, pretty, what’s going on?”

he pushes into you some more, making you gasp and you can feel his expectant eyes burning holes into your face. you then realize he’s not gonna let this go, but it’s partially your fault for letting your mind wander while he was putting away the dinner you guys ate. you decide to just come out with it.

“‘m just… so scared of graduating…” you whimper between your words, eyes screwing tighter.

he hums, “look at me, baby.” the demand comes out so soft, yet the sheer dominance of his voice makes you clench around him. you turn your head on the pillow, opening your eyes, and finally looking at him. “why?”

you shudder at the eye contact. he looks so pretty, so concerned over you, yet you’re still tense and oh-so nervous. the topic of post-grad has never come up, and now you’re mid-fuck about to tell him how you want to be with him forever.

“i-i’m scared that… that you’re gonna go off without me,” you pant, hands wrapping around his biceps and holding him to keep you stable.

“where am i gonna go, beautiful?” he whispers, bottoming out and fully sheathing himself inside of you.

you whimper again, his massive cock filling you so well. “s-scared you’re gonna go do big things ‘n leave me…”

he freezes at that, eyes widening, “leave you?” he asks incredulously as if he couldn’t believe that you’d ask that question. “baby, you think i’d leave you?”

you nod slowly. “i dunno, ‘s just that i’ve been thinking ‘n you’re so smart– gonna go get a real job that’s across the country or something…”

he’s honestly bewildered. why would you ever think something like that when he’s tried so hard to show you how much he loves you every single day?

“oh, baby, i would never fucking leave you.” he presses his forehead yours, nose rubbing against yours. “pretty fucking thing, i adore you— love you. more than anything.”

your eyes glisten with tears at the reassurance. you feel yourself relax under him, entirely fluttering at his words. “really?”

“yes, really. how can i prove it to you? want me to put a ring on your finger?” he whispers, breath fanning against your face.

you gasp, clenching around him again, fingers digging into his muscles. he smiles, chuckling airly at your reaction.

“my pretty baby wants that? you like that idea?” he asks, his sultry voice filling your ears. “you wanna be my wife?”

you nod your head, eyes fluttering shut as you moan, “yeah, w-wanna be your wife.”

your response has seokmin reeling. he pulls his hips back and slams back into you making both of you moan again.

“yeah? bet you want my kids, too.” he states boldly, mind cringing at his words and internally freaking out that you’ll get turned off at them.

you choke, clamping tightly around his length. “f-fuck.” you cry. “d-don’t say things like that, seok.”

“why? ‘cuz i’m right?” he grunts, thrusts growing faster.

you nod your head and seokmin nearly cries, cock twitching at the idea of pumping you full of cum and getting you pregnant with his kids. you’d be such a great mom and he’d love having a mini-seok running around a nice, big house fit to take a family.

admittedly, he’s been wanting to talk about his future with you. he’s been fantasizing about it since the first time he said he loved you. fantasizing about you being his wife and living together in a big house and having three kids and living happily ever after as if it were some fairytale. he’s imagined your kids and how they would be a constant reminder of his everlasting love for you. he hopes that they’ll look like both of you– kids with your eyes and his nose. he’d kill for that.

“wanna put a baby in you,” he mumbles, lips ghosting over yours. “swear to god, ‘m gonna give you everything you want– ‘ll get you a ring ‘n a house– everything. just say the word.”

you lift your head to press your lips to his, moaning into his mouth like a mad woman. your stomach drops in anticipation, suddenly craving the feeling of his warm cum filling you to the brim, sure to get you pregnant. your legs wrap around him, heels digging into his back and you can’t resist the cry that he ends up swallowing at the new angle.

seokmin pulls back, panting, “gonna let me give it to you, baby?”

“uh-huh!” you nod, eyes screwing shut and jaw going slack as his speed increases. “yes, yes, please give it to me.” your response is wavered as you nearly choke on a sob of pleasure.

and you know the decision is haste– a baby even though you still have a month left of undergrad seems… absurd to say the very least, but you don’t need to think about anything. you know seokmin. you know he’s the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. he's an amazing boyfriend and person in general. you already know he’d make an even more amazing husband and father.

who would’ve thought the nerdy man with glasses who was insanely good at chemistry would be the one you ended up with?

he lets out a guttural moan, “such a good girl, always saying please.” he praises, slamming into your sweet spot repeatedly.

and jesus fucking christ, your moans and cries are like music to his fucking ears.

his head falls into your neck, licking and sucking at your skin. “never gonna leave, i promise. gonna make you mine, gonna take care of you.” he mumbles into the skin as he continues to mark and ravage you.

the stimulation and his words are sending you into orbit as your stomach churns and tightens at the feeling of his cock rearranging your insides. his strokes are impressive, never missing a beat and unrelentingly hitting the spot that makes you crumble.

he feels you tighten around him, gummy walls squeezing him in and he curses, “shit, is my pretty girl gonna cum already?” his voice borders on condescending, but it only makes the tightrope in your stomach all the more closer to completely unraveling.

“y-yeah, so close,” you moan breathily as your pants increase, chest rising and falling rapidly. “so fuckin’ close, min, ‘m gonna cum.”

his lips find your ear and he whispers hotly against the shell, “come on, baby, cum for me so i can fill you up.” he gently tugs at your earlobe with his teeth and you can’t resist, back arching with a shiver running down your spine.

your orgasm brings you immense pleasure, white spots filling your vision as you cum with a loud sob. you feel it in your entire body, from your curled toes to your thrown back head. your eyes roll back, calling out his name and raking your nails down the skin of his arms.

he coos, holding back a groan at the way you get even tighter as you soak him in arousal. “thaaat’s it, baby, just like that. so, so good for me.” he coaxes you through your euphoric high, fucking you through it as he always does.

“s-so good,” you slur, parroting his words as your mind numbs a bit.

he moans, letting the sound of your whimpers and the lewd sounds of your bodies meeting fill the room. he buries his head in your neck again, desperately rutting into you so he can let go, too. your eyes flutter closed again and you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer to you.

your overstimulated pussy pulses around him as you listen and whine along to your lover's muffled moans. you can tell he’s close. so close to giving you the life you’ve imagined for almost 2 years. so close to being yours forever.

“seok, cum inside me,” you whisper and his hips stutter, yet they keep moving as if they have a mind of their own. he lifts his head and looks at you– his eyes are clouded over and teary, yet they’re filled with all the love in the world.

he looks so beautiful above you. his face is scrunched up in pleasure, brows knitted, eyes droopy, mouth hung open as pretty sounds exit his loose lips.

“i… fucking love you…so much.” he says in between pants, thrusts growing sloppy. the telltale signs of his fast approaching orgasm becoming heavily apparent. “god, so much, baby, love you so much.”

you nod your head, mirroring his pleasured face. “me too, seok, i love you.” your words are a bit scrambled, but seokmin makes sense of them– understands you so well.

his eyes roll back a bit at your response, brain momentarily malfunctioning, but he comes back seconds later. “gonna take this load like a good girl, right, pretty? gonna get pregnant and let me marry you?” he moans out breathily, cock now twitching uncontrollably.

“yes, yes, yes, please, wan’ it so bad!” you beg.

it’s all he needs to press his hips to yours, stilling there, and releasing inside of you while he moans out your name so prettily. it’s a newfound feeling for both of you– his cum coating your cunt, filling you up till it’s spilling on his freshly washed sheets. he’s grown accustomed to finishing on your skin or into a condom, but this? this is all very new. this is something he now can’t live without.

you think the same thing when you feel him spraying your walls with his thick ropes of cum. it feels so good– so euphoric– while it’s leaking out of you. you don’t know how you’ve gone your entire adult life without experiencing this at least once.

“c-came so much, baby…” you whimper, feeling him pull his cock out of you.

as soon as he sees his release dripping out of you, he groans softly, already feeling hard again, but he decides to ignore it for now, bringing his attention back to you.

“hey… love,” he says softly, noticing the way you perk up a bit from your tired state just at the sound of your name. “you should’ve told me you felt like that… i hate that you thought i’d just leave you ‘cause we won’t be in school anymore.”

you frown, “i’m sorry, i didn’t know how to bring it up without being awkward… it’s the real world and i dunno… things are different.”

he sighs, hands running up and down your naked sides. “i get it, but like i said, i wanna be with you forever.”

you blush, biting your lip to hide the wide grin that ends up on your face despite the fact. “yeah, i remember… was that a proposal by the way?” you ask meekly.

he squeezes at your waist, “did you want it to be?” he beams.

“i mean, it was a bit untraditional, definitely not how i expected my wedding proposal to be.”

“what? you mean you didn’t think you’d get proposed to while i had my dick inside you?” he asks with faux incredulity. “i, for one, thought this was the best proposal ever. i even put a lil baby in you.”

you giggle, wrapping your legs around his body again, “you don’t know that, i’m not pregnant… yet.”

his heart swells at the idea and he smiles brightly at your blushy face, “well, maybe another round can change that, hmm?”

you pull him closer to you by the strength of your legs and say, “make me yours then, seokmin.”

#seokmin smut #dk smut #dokyeom smut #seventeen smut #svt smut #seokmin x reader

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requiemsystem · 1 year ago

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ADVICE FOR NEWLY DISCOVERED OR SUSPECTED SYSTEMS

if you suspect you may be a system or have recently discovered that youre a system, things can be confusing and hard. im making this post as someone who has been aware of being a system for about 5 years and has been diagnosed for 2. these are things i wish we knew and did. i hope it will be helpful to some of you and i wish you luck on discovering things about yourself and your system keep in mind everyone is different and systems are no exception, so what i list here might be incredibly beneficial for one person but do nothing for another. find what works for you. i will try to provide a variety of advice in order for you to see what fits you best DO YOUR RESEARCH research the disorder, try to find others experiences and things you think would help you. this is especially helpful if you are suspecting and not yet sure if you have it, researching symptoms and others experiences can be very helpful in determining START SYMPTOM LOGGING this can be as simple as "i blacked out today" or "i dont feel like myself right now", you dont have to be identifying switches or putting names to alters, theres no rush to be able to do that and some systems have no desire to do that symptom logging is useful because it can help you identify potential triggers and patterns in your symptoms. for example, if you can remember what happened before a period of amnesia and remember being exposed to a stressful event or something potentially triggering, this would be worth writing down to see if its a recurring pattern REACH OUT TO OTHER ALTERS this can be done in a variety of ways, but the easiest way would be to leave a note in a place itll be seen. for example, a sticky note on a mirror (if you live with other people and cant do this, try leaving a note on your phone in a frequently checked app) i would advise saying something along the lines of "hello, i am (name) and i would like to communicate with you. i suspect we have a disorder called (DID/OSDD) and we share the same body and mind. please write back to me in (location, can be a notebook or app etc) and tell me some about yourself if you feel comfortable" but you can say whatever works for you. i just think the main points to cover are having DID/OSDD and introducing yourself as well as asking for an introduction in return START WORKING ON COMMUNICATION this takes a lot of practice, so i always say its better to build up early rather than late. we have a whole post on it that can be found here REMINDERS AND THINGS TO REMEMBER if you do not remember your trauma, do not dig for it. it isnt safe to try to remember trauma without professionals help. if you happen to remember, thats one thing, but dont intentionally seek out triggers to try to remember denial is common and not a sign of faking, if you were faking you would know and would not be in denial. being wrong about having DID/OSDD (if you are suspecting but not sure) is not the same as faking no two systems are the same. you dont have to look exactly like some other system you know or online to be real its normal to not know everything right away. you wont know all your alters immediately, you may not be able to access (and you may not have) your innerworld, you probably wont remember all of your trauma without professionals help, etc. its all normal its totally ok to keep information about your system private. there is no need to share with anyone you do not feel completely safe and comfortable with switching at any frequency is normal, there is no "correct" amount to switch. any amount of alters is normal, there is no "correct" amount of alters. any level of amnesia is normal, there is no "correct" level of amnesia apps like simply plural and bots like pluralkit can be incredibly helpful for some systems, but there is absolutely no pressure to use them if you do not feel comfortable - grey

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noellefan101 · 10 months ago

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Too Scared to Let Go(To Lose You)

Characters; Lynette, Navia, Xiao, Scaramouche, Lyney, Kaeya, La Signora x gn Reader

Summary; they wont let go of you, no matter what. They can't protect you from harm when they aren't there, so they hold you close to ensure you're there. they've already lost so much.

Warnings; angst, maybe a little bit yandere,

Notes; i did the obvious like xiao, scara, signora and stuff but if i make a part two ill maybe put someone like barbara or nilou in, but that would just be them having intrusive thoughts... probably. will add diluc and venti there as well dont worry, love you

Lynette

She always thinks that you're going to die at some point, get kidnapped or just straight up leave, these thoughts come up once every week or so. But when your out and about or just working late, her thoughts run faster than ever. Of course she has lyney and the rest of the house, but she's just gotten so used to being with both lyney and you now that it doesnt quite feel the same. So her solution is often to hug you as tight as she can when sleeping, hoping you wont disappear in the morning.

And of course you try and help her as much as you possibly can, reassuring her that you wont leave and that youll find a way to get back to her no matter what happens when out and about, but that sometimes just doesnt cut it.

She doesnt cry often, but when she does its a lot, tears streaming down her face for an hour or two, and even longer if you, Lyney and Freminet aren't there with her.

Navia

She cant let go of you in the morning, it was always like that, but it had gotten so much worse after the loss of her two beloved bodyguards. She often mumbles in her sleep about you and how she wants you to stay. Something along the lines of:

“no… no, don’t go, stay… please!! Just stay with me!”

“please stay… stay with me… where did you go… no, come back, please…”’

“[name]… please stay with me… please… just stay…”

You have to wake her up when it seems like she’s panicking and try your best to comfort her, but sometimes she just doesn’t get any sleep because she wants to make sure you don’t disappear while she is asleep. She is of course the same shining Navia when around other people like the Traveler and Paimon, but everyone can see that she doesn’t want to let go of you at all, fearing you’ll vanish if you leave her line of sight for even just a second, its like you’re glued to her.

If people ever see you, they know for a fact that Navia is also there, no matter what. Oh, you want to go over and wish your friend a happy birthday, well she can carry a gift for them with her so you don’t have to. You wanted to cook something but is missing one singular ingredient, you can you go get it together, don’t worry she isn’t putting back anything for it (she totally is, and has multiple offers and such she should be taking a look at rn).

Xiao

He says he shouldn’t be near you all the time, but doesn’t let go when you make him give in to his desires. He’ll hurt you, and you know that, so why are you still here with him. Wait, no, he isn’t trying to make you go away, please don’t, ever. He just cares about you enough to not want you getting hurt because of his karmic debt, he loves you too much to let that happen. But the thought of you leaving him fills his mind more than the karmic debt at times, he dreads it, the fact that you’ll leave eventually, he doesn’t care if its by choice or fate, just don’t. please, please, please don’t leave, just stay with him, please.

He doesn’t want to let go, but feels he needs to, you tell him its fine yet he feels like it isn’t. it feels like he’s hurting you every second of being with you, yet he doesn’t try to let go, he doesn’t even give the thought a chance. you say you’re fine, yet he feels like you’re not. He

feels like hes hurting you, he’s hurting more because of it. But then why does it hurt more without you, why, oh why. What have you done to him, just what did you do that made him so addicted to you. Swear you’ll never leave him ever, and he will do the same, as long as you’re here with him he swears he wont hurt you, he’ll break the karma in half for you, he’ll do anything. Just don’t leave him, please don’t.

Scaramouche

Everyone would say he’s too cocky, confident, and mean. But that’s all because he doesn’t let them see the vulnerable side of him, the leftovers of Kunikusuhi, the side he only shows to you. He shows you they way he cries at the mere thought you could leave him one day, he sobs in your chest as you comfort him and let him focus and anything but the nightmares haunting his being. He wont ever be like that with anyone that isn’t you, he doesn’t give a shit about them they can do whatever, but you have to stay.

He doesn’t care about all the others as long as you don’t leave him too, he doesn’t care about anything other than you. So please, please don’t leave him, ever, he would watch the world burn over and over again as long as he has you.

If you ever told anyone that the 6th harbinger, scaramouche, cries at night just because you left to go get a glass of water, they would call you crazy, say he’s never cried in his life that you must have seen things. But you know its true, and he does too, even if he doesn’t like to admit it. He knows you wont go, you always say you wont, but he just cant let himself to believe you, not when he’s been lied to so many times. He worries too much about you and he knows that, but how could he not, he loves you, and will never let you leave him because you love him too, right?

Lyney

Although he may be the confident, charming and romantic magician Lyney everyday in public, when he finally lets go of the role at home he’s nowhere near that. He cries just because he wanted to see you and he finally did, he worries about not being able to save you someday. He’s a worrywart to say the least

If you were gone for too long, whether on a mission from father or anything else really, he would not be calm at all until you come back. he would only be rather calm after he got a letter from you or in one of his shows where he put too many layers of masks on to hide it. he wants to think that your ok, just as Lynette say you are, you're strong. but he still cant help but worry,and he ends up panicked and stressed, without sleep, too tired to think sbout anything else other than you. dont leave him, he wouldnt survive without you.

That's why you cant leave him. hell lose his mind, and destroy everything around him in the process. he cant let you leave, so please, please don't. his heart is already fragile, it beats only for you now, so don't leave. don't leave. don't... please... please don't, he cant handle that. so, please, don't leave him, ever. stay right here with him, forever.

Kaeya

He doesnt remember his birth parents, he hates them but a little bit, but mostly because they left him, he cant handle thinking about them. and it only made his pain worse when he lost the people he called his family once again, so he cant afford to lose anything else, not when he feels completely at home once again. you are his home now, his family, and his joy. so don't leave or he might lose his mind and start ruining himself from the inside and out.

He loves you, a lot, you're his reason to continue in life. so if he ever sees you leave he would cry, even if all you are doing is leaving his office after giving him his lunch, he would shed a tear at the sight. his heart is fragile ok? He can't bear to lose his life once again, not after his parents left, not after his adoptive family left too.

Don't go, stay, stay right here with him and everything will be fine. i will all be fine, you trust him after all, and he won't let anyone touch you, let alone hurt you. you're safe here with him, don't worry about them, worry about him. you've got him wrapped around your finger without even knowing, you could want a certain sweet from Inazuma and he'll get it as fast as possible. you can get anything you want, ok? The only condition is that you stay right here with him, and only him.

La Signora

She swore she wasn’t going to fall for anyone after her first lover died, so why did she fall for you, how did she fall for you. Honestly you don’t know and she doesn’t either, she doesn’t know how you were able to melt her ice cold heart back to normal, even if only around you and you only, if anyone else is around it freezes back quicker than lightning can strike. She thought she wasn’t able to love again after he died, but you proved her wrong, so you can’t leave too. She cant deal with the death of her lover once again, so don’t leave her, ever.

You hug her in the night as she cries a little, mad at you for leaving her in her dream, but still not mad at you, as her anger is mostly to the world for doing this to her. But don’t worry, she’ll fall asleep eventually as she always does, she does need her beauty sleep after all. But that doesn’t mean she’ll wake up and easily let go again or just get out of bed, she’s stubborn and want you all for herself a little longer. She makes you talk a little as you carefully brush her hair like she taught you to do, and she relaxes a bit when you tell her you love her while kissing her head.

As long as you promise you wont leave her, and keep that promise, she’ll love you forever, she cant bare to see you go out the door even if its just for groceries, someone else can do that don’t worry. Just come and relax with her in a bath, she can wash your hair and you can wash hers. She’ll take care of you like you take care of her, just don’t leave, please. If you ever left her alone for too long she would freak out, she does everything with you, baths, shopping, paperwork even, so she cant bear to be left alone for longer than 30 minutes or she’ll panic. So don’t leave her please, please, please don’t, she’ll even beg for you to not leave her, just stay here with her.

Thank u for reading this, i know this took a long time and I havent posted things these few like weeks I think but I may have writers block(idk why I say it like that) and this was made over like a few months actually heh, luv ya

You are welcome to reblog and like any of my posts, but you CAN NOT translate, copy or hate on anybody for liking my posts

#la signora #la signora x reader #lynette x reader #gn reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact #xiao x reader #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche #xiao #angst #alatus #fatui harbingers #kunikuzushi #kaeya x reader #kaeya alberich #noellefan101 #noellefan #noelle´s maiden

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bbyquokka · 5 months ago

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fizzy pop

– yn has a habit of bottling up their emotions, chan comforts them & explains the importance of communicating about feelings/emotions.

pairing | bang chan x gender neutral reader

genre | angst w comfort – 18+ is strongly advised!

cw | established relationship, mental health (low moods, low/no motivation, lose of interest in hobbies/things), pet names.

words | 2k ~ ( 2,042 )

notes | idk why but i've been putting off on posting this for months, maybe bc im nervous 🤔 don’t forget to leave feedback, reblog and tell me what you think here. i hope you all enjoy! ‹3

m.list — wips list — you can also read it on my ao3

dont repost. dont translate. minors, ageless & default blogs; dni! feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!

it's just another day. another day of just being there. another day of feeling like you have no purpose in life except to please others. another day of wondering “what is the purpose of me being here?” you fake smiles, say you're "ok" because saying how you actually feel is exhausting.

aside from it feeling exhausting, you also don't want to draw attention to yourself and when you do speak, you feel stupid for doing so, so you keep it all in, bottle it up until it's too much for you to handle. some days you wonder why you even bother to get out off bed.

is it because of the birds you hear outside? the sun's heat that you want to feel on your skin? could it be the laughter and chitter chatter of others? or maybe you want to hear the rain on the leaves–who knows. all you know is that everyday is the same and it's tiring.

the days merge into one. what day is it even? monday? tuesday? oh wait, it's saturday morning. time doesn't exist anymore. in your mind you see no point in getting up out of bed because again, what's the point?

so why is it that your boyfriend is gently shaking you, asking, no, begging you to get up.

“darlin'. please get up.” chan whispers as he gently shakes you by the shoulders. you sigh deeply, a tired sigh that causes chan to swallow and his suspicions to come to light.

you pull the duvet over your head, body curled in a small and fragile ball. the curtains are still drawn providing darkness despite the morning rays that wish to peak inside.

chan has been up since the crack of dawn. he has showered, made breakfast and managed to get dressed. he gave you some extra time to sleep in because he knows you're not a morning person but when the number nine on his watch turned to twelve and you're still not up and out, does he grow concerned.

he's had his suspicions for a while. he's noticed how defeated you sound. how there is little to no energy in the words you speak. he's tried everything to cheer you up, thinking, hoping you were just having an off day. but that off day turned into an off week which slowly, but surely, turned into an off month.

you lost your passion for being creative, lost the will to make anything which you despise. being creative is one of the many pleasures you have in life, to be able to make something and share your creations with others is exhilarating but when you feel like this, your mood turns bitter and cold towards everything you do which results in you resenting everything you create.

you lost the energy to speak to people. to pick up the phone and just talk. you're not deliberately ignoring nor trying to be difficult but keeping conversations flowing is just too hard right now and when you think they're giving you the same energy back do you feel so guilty.

what have i done to deserve this? why am i forced to feel like this. you find yourself questioning everything late at night. your head loud as soon as it hits the pillow and no amount of music you blast down your ears can silence those thoughts.

everything is so exhausting. everything is the same. you just want to disappear whether that be for a few days or forever, you're not quite sure, but certain people around you wont allow that to happen. they are keeping you afloat, head above water. you desperately and silently wish they never let you go, no matter how hard you fight and push them away.

“baby, please.” chan's words dripped with desperation. his knees on the bed behind you as he kneels causing the mattress to dip. his hands on your shoulders gently as his eyes bore into the duvet, burning holes into it until he is burning holes into you. tears threaten to spill down his soft cheeks as he becomes increasingly worried for you.

“chan..“ you whisper, your words shaking. “please.. leave me alone.”

he swallows. those three last words he hates to hear. now he is left in a difficult position. should he do as you say and leave you? leave you to fester and rot in your own thoughts and feelings. watch you melt into the mattress and become nothing but a lifeless shell. or should he force himself, force you to acknowledge him. show you, tell you that's it's going to be ok–even if you don't believe him in the beginning.

but this is chan and you know more than anyone how stubborn chan can be.

“lets go take a shower yn, together! and maybe we can go out and get lunch at that café you love so much?”

silence.

“or how about we go to that art shop! pick up those water colours you've been eyeing up for months?”

silence.

“ok well, what about some new cloth–”

“chan please!” you snap, causing him to jump. “what part of leave me alone don't you understand?!”

you don't mean to sound harsh and you hope chan doesn't take it to heart. the last thing you want is to hurt the one person you adore so much. luckily, chan knows you don't mean it but it doesn't hurt him any less.

“all of it.” he softly speaks. you feel the weight being lifted up off the mattress and footsteps against the wood flooring before the bedroom door squeaks open at the hinges.

your heart breaks. hot angry tears finally being set free and rolling down the bridge of your nose and cheeks, soaking into the material of your pillow. you sob, curling up into a ball even more as your heart aches in your chest. you grip onto the pillow as you silently cry out for chan, thinking he has completely left you alone.

but you did ask for it so why do you feel so guilty?

the duvet gets pulled back from you, the cold air hitting your hot and sweaty skin. the mattress dips once again as an arm snakes over your midriff. chest being pressed against your back as chan spoons you.

“don't cry, darlin'. i'm here, your channie is here.” his soft words provide you with a sense of comfort and an indescribable feeling of warmth as well as relief. his hand strokes your soft stomach, his lips kissing your neck so tenderly you worry that he isn't really there.

“c-chan…” you sob through your words as a way of confirmation. you can't breathe, the pain of everything that's built up over the past months is making it impossible for you to breathe. your mind fogs over as your chest heaves up and down.

you struggle to take breaths as tears stream down your face. your pillow becomes soaked with your tears. chan strokes your unwashed hair gently, hushing you and singing softly to help ground you.

“sh sh sh. you're ok, you're safe.” he whispers.

“sorry! i'm sorry!” you repeat over and over again in your fits of tears. chan continues to hush you, noticing that it's not working so he gently rolls you over to face him and pulls you into his naked chest.

the warmth and softness of his skin calms you down in an instant. his natural scent hugs your nostrils and sinks into your heart, soothing your heartbeat as well as your mind. you grip onto him, desperately trying to cling onto something before resulting in wrapping your arms around him tightly.

he gives you a bear hug. arms around your shoulders gently, fingers raking and massaging your scalp. his chest wet with tears as he continues to hush you through your episode.

there isn't much he can do when you're crying like this except wait. wait for it to pass–and it does, fifteen minutes later.

“better?” he gently asks. you peer up at him to notice that his own cheeks are wet with a few tears slowly falling.

“you're crying..” you whisper as you reach up and wipe the tears away. chan laughs softly before leaning into your touch. “why?”

“because it pains me to see you like this, my love.” that guilt comes back, settling in your stomach and wrapping itself around your heart, like black fog. you look down, tears falling from your lower lash line.

“sorry..” you mumble.

“hey.” chan unwraps his arms from you to gently lift up your head. “it hurts because i can't do anything about it. it hurts because i love you! seeing you in so much pain is rough darling. and it's not physical pain either, it's not like i can put a band aid on your wound.”

“i'm sorry i'm like this, chan. sorry i'm so difficult and such a disappointment.”

“oi.” his tone of voice turns stern which causes you to look up at him. his brows furrowed together as he reaches and strokes your cheek. “you're not a disappointment or difficult baby. it's ok to feel like this, to have off days and feel like nothing is right, however, you have to come to me when you feel like this! or if you can't come to me, talk to a friend.”

“but i hate talking about my feelings, chan.. i feel like a burden and that it just bores people and when i do confined in people, it feels like i don't get the comfort i expect to get so i'm left thinking if it's worth it and if i just expect too much from people.”

“what have i told you about bottling things up, mhm?”

“that it's just going to keep building and building until i explode.” you mumble to which chan hums and nods too

“imagine you're a bottle of fizzy pop. your body is the bottle, your feelings are the fizzy liquid. what happens when you shake a bottle of fizzy pop?”

“it bubbles and explodes, creating a huge mess.”

“and what happens when you bottle your feelings up?”

“i get shaken up by the smallest of things, which causes me to bubble and explode..”

“mhm. you have to remember, my darling, that how you feel is valid. your feelings are valid. you might seem like it's something so small or stupid, but that something small could build and build and build.”

“so i should come to you whenever i feel negative?”

“yes.”

“even if i'm frustrated at a piece of work? even if i can't get a recipe right and it annoys me?”

“yes.”

“but that is so small and not as important..”

“yn, if it's bothering you then it's big. if it's bothering you, it's important to me. if you feel angry, upset, energy less, i beg that you come to me or to a friend! it's important that we voice these things, let it be known because you'll feel better.” he tucks your hair behind your ear gently before you nuzzle into his chest, thinking about what he's saying.

he is correct. he always is and that's the thing that sometimes bothers you, but in a good way! it just means that you can't hide anything from chan, whether it's good or bad and when you are feeling down, chan is always there to pick you back up and dust you off, providing you with love and comfort.

“shall we go shower together to start the day?”

“isnt it a bit late for that? besides, hasn't your day already started?” you mumble against his chest.

“it's never too late to start the day and besides, i don't mind ‘restarting’ my day if it means i get to do it with you.” he kisses the top of your head gently, stroking your back as you tangle your legs with his.

“soon.”

“soon?” he questions.

“i just want to spend some more minutes with you..”

“we can spend as many minutes together as you like, my darling. as long as you're happy and content.”

“i'm always happy and content with you, chan. you're my safe space.”

“and i hope i continue to be and provide you with that safe space, yn.”

#kwritersworldnet #wkcnet #straykidsland #skz angst #skz comfort #stray kids angst #stray kids comfort #bang chan #chan #chan x you #chan x reader #bang chan x you #bang chan x reader #skz x you #skz x reader #stray kids x you #stray kids x reader

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copperbadge · 6 months ago

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How did you find the doctor(s) who assessed you for ADHD? Im looking into the process of getting diagnosed because (although ive suspected I might have adhd for years now) I've been struggling a lot more lately and i want to try medication to see if it helps at all. Im trying to search for psychiatrists through my health insurance portal but the the results im getting are all for child/adolescent psychiatry specialists, and I dont think that'll be much help for an adult adhd assessment? Did you have an established therapist to refer you for your assessment or were you able to find a psychiatrist independently?

I actually just kind of had to freeform it, but that does mean I have some tips to share!

I will say, I have never once used a health insurance portal to find someone to treat me for anything. Often their search engine is fucked up and the information is sometimes out of date. I almost always either ask someone who I know has had similar issues if they have a recommendation, ask my treating physician if I have one, or just google until I find someone reputable-looking; any qualified medical center or professional will list what insurance they take anyway, and you can always ask when you make the appointment.

So here's the process for how to do that!

When I was first considering it, I asked a friend who'd had an evaluation that came back not-ADHD, which I liked because it meant we knew it wasn't like, a weird Adderall pill mill or something. I really wanted to have a professional and thorough evaluation because I knew myself and knew I was capable of gaming a questionnaire. The place she had her evaluation was unfortunately having some staffing issues; part of the reason it took me so long is that I played phone tag with them for ages -- I'd call, and regardless of what time of day I called, their scheduler would be "out", so I'd leave a message and never get a call back. Ultimately I said "I really need to talk to a human, because your scheduler has not returned any of my numerous calls" and they said they could transfer me to another office outside of Chicago (in the burbs). That was not going to be accessible to me, so I told them thanks but I'll go somewhere else. Then COVID hit and I was not going to go anywhere near a medical center unless I had to for about two years.

So, when I was making my second serious run at getting evaluated, I did what might be expected of me by longtime readers of this blog: I made a spreadsheet.

I want to caveat this up top with REALLY IMPORTANT CONTEXT: I did not do all of this in a single day. The process from starting research to making an evaluation appointment took about a month, and probably would have taken longer if I wasn't getting somewhat desperate. Do not push yourself to do this as a single act. Research alone is a multi-day process; some days I looked at the open tabs and only entered one tab's worth of information. It took me quite a bit of time to write the form email I sent inquiring about an assessment. It took me time to call the clinic back when they asked me to call to book the appointment. This is a series of steps, not a single leap.

So!

I was looking for a clinic rather than an individual, in part because I'd heard a couple of horror stories about people who went to a psychiatrist and just got argued with for an hour instead of actually getting evaluated. So I googled, and here are some key terms for you, chicago adult adhd assessment. Chicago obviously for the region, but "adult adhd" (putting it in quotes will help) is the important term that will help you filter out a lot of child psych stuff. A lot of what I looked at did included family or child assessment/therapy but were clear that they also evaluated adults.

Then I went through every legit-looking search result and noted down, in my spreadsheet, the name of the clinic/company, the contact phone and email, the URL, the physical location (I needed to be able to get to it fairly easily) and whether they took my insurance. Even if they didn't take my insurance (all but one did) I still put them into the spreadsheet so that if I found them again I could check the sheet and know I didn't need to investigate further. I also tended to bump more legitimate and friendly-looking places to the top of the sheet. And if I were going to do it again I would also look for one specific thing, which is an assessment guide of some kind.

The assessment guide may be something they only give you after you speak with them, so it's not a no-go if they don't have one on their website, but it basically tells you what generally will go on during the assessment, how long it will take, and what you should bring. A full assessment like I had is estimated to take 4-6 hours and they recommended I wear layers so I wouldn't be overly cold/warm in their office, and to bring a snack. That's the kind of information you want, duration of the assessment and what they recommend for you, to ensure that you're working with people who are thorough and care about your comfort.

So, I have this spreadsheet now of places to reach out to, which I know take my insurance and do adult assessment. In the spreadsheet I also had columns for what date I contacted them and whether they'd responded. I started reaching out via email, one per day, with the form email I'd written.

The form email basically said "I'm 42 with no previous diagnosis but I have a family history of autism and dyslexia. I've been told I should get assessed for ADHD, so I'm looking for a clinic that will do the assessment and takes (my insurance). I prefer to be contacted by email but if need be, my phone number is (phone number). Please let me know if you have any open appointments and what information you will need from me to book an evaluation with you." (You can always ask for more information about the actual evaluation process once they respond.)

If I didn't get a response within 24 hours, I moved on to the next, but I only greyed out the text in that line of the spreadsheet; I didn't disqualify/remove the nonresponsive ones because again, I wanted to make sure I kept that information in case they eventually did respond. I did this with about ten clinics, because I figured I must be able to find at least one in ten who could do the eval, and I could go back and research more if necessary.

I think the third or fourth one I reached out to was the first to respond, and I ended up going with them; I had a very positive experience in the assessment itself but it was a real pain in the ass getting the documentation from them -- they took about a month to go through the evaluation data (this is not abnormal but is rather longer than usual according to my psychiatrist) and they gave me an in-person-by-zoom report once it was ready. That said, it took another four months and the threat of reporting them to the state to get them to send me the text of the eval (in part because the evaluator left the clinic unexpectedly with my formal report not yet written). But that's something that's truly impossible to know until you're working with them, and highly unusual, so don't let concerns about that deter you. If you end up in that situation come hit me up and I'll tell you how I dealt with that.

My eval recommended an executive function coach, but if I haven't been able to func it by now I never will, so I thanked them for the recommendation and went looking for a psychiatrist unaffiliated with the clinic to prescribe me meds. There, the key words you're going to be looking for are again "adult adhd" but also "adult disability" and if you want medication that's less likely to be a huge fucking hassle, "medication management". My psychiatrist and I meet every two months to reup my prescription, but he doesn't require me to take a regular drug test or meet him in person in order to get a new scrip, as some people have encountered. We meet in person once or twice a year (I can't remember, it's due to a legal requirement in Illinois) but otherwise it's over zoom.

So yeah -- it's a process, but there are ways to streamline and manage it, and a few tripwires in place to make sure you don't end up screwed by the system. Definitely feel free to ask if you have questions, either here or if you want a more indepth conversation you can email me at [email protected]. GOOD LUCK!

#sam has adhd #adhd #evaluation

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mintys-playarea · 1 year ago

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RUGGIE B. W A DUNCE! PLAYING! LOVER!

You had no idea how you were able to get a man such as him to fall in love with you. He was clever, sweet, a great cook, and an absolute cutie... Ruggie was yours and you were his!

You had many flaws. You weren't very smart, you had tendencies to mess with people... The list could go on. Yet he still loved you.

It was a cool, autumn day. Warm colored leaves fell from trees, leaving the courtyard a blend of reds, browns and oranges. There were plenty students walking and talking happily along with one another, the smell of pumpkin spice wafting in the air. Though you were relatively uninterested before... A particular student has caught your eyes. It was none other than the Azul Ashengrotto walking around, promoting his most recent sale for the Mostro Lounge... This was the perfect opportunity.

The leaves crunched beneath your shoes as you tapped his leg, your icy cold hands sneaking up his pant leg and touching his warm calf. He shivered with a loud yelp, immediately turning around to find no one there. You were hiding behind a nearby tree. You weren't hidden well of course, but Azul couldn't see you. He shook his head, sighing and brushing it off as the wind. As he continued to promote the sale, you snuck up on him again. You tapped his leg the same way as before, except... You weren't fast enough this time. He kicked you and hoisted you up with stern eyes.

"Do you understand how disrespectful you are?!" Azul screeched. He clearly disliked getting his legs touched like that.

You sputtered trying to come up with an excuse, panicking as you see the Leech twins starting to come into view. You squirmed as Azul held still and started walking.

"Excuse me boys, but may you help hand out flyers for me as i return this rascal to their owner? They were very disrupting to me, we wouldn't want that happening with to another," Azul had a slight pout as he continued walking. He muttered something to himself quietly before going into the Savannaclaw mirror.

Leona sighed as he saw Azul waltz up to him. "And how am i responsible for the herbivore??" He said with a tired look.

"Well, aren't they always over here? I'd assume it's because they have something with you?" Azul responded, almost annoyed with the fact he had to speak with Leona.

"No... You'd have to find Ruggie. He's— Right here," Leona groaned before returning to his room.

"Oh, hey there Az! Whatcha doin' here? And why do ya got lovebug there?" Ruggie commented on you being carried by Azul like a critter he finds dirty.

"I found.. er.. Lovebug messing with me during my promotion for the new Mostro Lounge sale... So you're the one taking care of.. this thing?"

"Aye, they're person, you know! Not just a 'thing.' But yes, i am in charge of taking care of Lovebug."

"I'll just hand them over already... You should really keep a watch on them. They're probably going to cause a big problem if you dont." Azul shook his head before leaving Savannaclaw finally.

"So... Lovebug, what was that about?"

You pulled out a to-go box of fresh food. Food you stole from Azul. A goofy smile spread across your face.

"Ahh... I see! I've trained you well... You deserve a treat for that!" Ruggie smiled along with you, bringing you into the kitchen.

"I know ya may not be tha brightest sometimes, but you're a sneaky lil' thang fo'sho! Here, ya wanna help bake some cookies to go with that meal?"

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

TAGS!!: @cheezy-moon

A little note on how the tagging system works:

If I know you like a character and I end up writing for it, I'll tag you in it (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠)

Also, I have no clue what to put for name replacements so... I'll just do pet names! :D also I wanted to keep this in second person, but I kept it gn when I had to use the pronouns (*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀*⁠)

I also forgot how the mirrors work (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠) and I gave ruggie a special way of talking! I like writing him speak like that :3

#disney twst #ruggie bucchi #twst ruggie #twisted wonderland ruggie #ruggie x reader #ruggie x yuu #Twst #twst wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #Ruggie bucchi fluff #The main course ♡#savannaclaw #azul ashengrotto #azul twst #twisted wonderland azul #Tweels #octavinelle

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eighttens · 1 month ago

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Hate you! Love you! (Part 2)

Summary: so what actually happened between You and Wooyoung? Let’s rewind…. (Part two to this)

Note: Since there was quite a bit of positive feedback (and some demand for a part two), i decided to finally put pen on paper, and since my workload is decreasing a little again im hoping i can post more frequently again!! I hope you enjoy reading this half as much as the first, feel free to leave me suggestions and feedback- please dont be a silent reader!!! My requests are of course open, feel free to send me some metal compost to ruminate about!

Tagging the people who wanted a part 2::::: @taz-97 @burreorahurricane @starsfly01091711 @03jyh23

„I dont know what to do anymore..!“ San’s got his head in his hands, huffing loudly as he finally finishes his rant.

„Wasn‘t this what you wanted though? You were always complaining that they didnt get along, and now that they are you’re getting second thoughts?“ Jongho is the first to break the silence that falls over the room. As per usual, he was a little loose lipped, not afraid to speak what the rest were so obvsiously thinking.

Once a month or so, San would meet up with his former roommates, just for old times sake. During these little lunches the four of them would share what each of them had been up to lately, making up for the lost time. This also included all the updates about you and Wooyoung, the very reason that San no longer shared the apartment with them. Jongho, Seonghwa and Hongjoong were actually the reason that San ever met you and Wooyoung.

He got to know Wooyoung first, curtesy of Jongho when they had a project to work on together. Wooyoung would come over to work with Jongho in their apartment, and glances and little greetings soon blossomed into more: an offer to go gyming together, then an offer to grab coffee, then an offer to teach baking, and so on. This slow and steady approach really lead to two together naturally, growing strong together through blushy smiles and teetering glances.

You however, were a bad decision dropped right into his lap. He had heard your name from Seonghwa and Hongjoong, as they mentioned you in passing conversation every so often. He finally got to put a face to the name in one fateful night though. It was a party hosted for Seonghwa’s birthday, and of course you were invited. You, pretty little young thing, showing up at the birthday party with your tiny shirt and even tinier skirt, cheering for Seonghwa with a bottle of Tequila and a very expensive gift. Oh, you were trouble, alright?

There was nothing slow or steady about how you and San got involved one anther. No, your relationship moved at a breakneck pace, flustering him so hard and fast it gave him whiplash. You pulled him in quicker than he could fathom, having him wrapped around your lithe little fingers the moment you first spoke to him, inviting him on the balcony to share a Malbro red. You and San were fire and flame, ferociously bouncing off another with thick tension and high energy.

The contrast between the double-life he lead in terms of dating was polarizing. He was nervous to introduce the two of you to say the least. He knew that realistically there was no good way to do this, and that of course both of you would be displeased with the whole „side-piece double timing“ thing, but eventually San had to bite the bullet.

He had it planned… sorta.

He invited Wooyoung over early the day prior, taking him out to brunch, then shopping and dinner. He hoped that it would help ease the waters, make Wooyoung a little more open. Those efforts were for nought though when the two of them came back into the shared Appartement.

The two of them, Hongjoong and Seonghwa that is, had invited you over on a whim to pregame a little for a function that night. Not ideal, not ideal at all. San hadn‘t planned for you two to meet until tomorrow, when you were supposed to drop off one of the many hoodies you had conveniently „borrowed“ from San. No, this isnt at all how he had imagined this going.

Not a word had been exchanged between you and Wooyoung, yet the both of you had San figured out immediately. Hongjoong and Seonghwa, well aware of the complicated situation they had caused were quick to flee, heading out early, mumbling an excuse about „helping to set up“. Setting up my ass San thought, more than a little frustrated with the untimely manner of this meeting.

The tension between Wooyoung and you was palpable. You both had boisterous and individual perssonalities, egos big enough to kill a man, and most importantly (dangerously) a vicious sense of pride. It was only a matter of time, only a question of who would break the seal placed upon this moment. Then you would be neck and neck.

It was you who broke the silence, of course it was. „So you’re the side-piece? Didn’t know San went that way…“ your voice was too sharp, your tongue lined with silver as you snarked at Wooyoung, your head tilting to the side with passive, masked aggression.

From that moment onwards, it was nothing but poison and daggers flying hitherho between you two. San didnt know what to do, he was more than lost. Helplessly he had looked between you two, wincing at the harsh insults being carelessly thrown around.

In retrospect San should have known better than to jump in the middle of a cat-fight, especially because he was the very topic at hand. But he didnt know at the time that it was more than stupid, so he raised his voice to catch you attention and spoke: „Listen! I know this is-„

He didnt even get to finish his sentence before there was a rare moment of union between Wooyoung and you when both of you snapped „Shut up!“.

A moment of silence fell over the dorm again, and Wooyoung and your eyes met, wide with bewilderment. The moment was short (but sweet, San thought) before you and Wooyoung both turnt up your noses, brushing past another as you stormed out the door to follow Seonghwa and Hongjoong whilst Wooyoung stomped into the kitchen.

From then on it was always one of two situations when you and Wooyoung met: a clash filled with hateful words and hurt feelings, or dead, uncomfortable silence. No in-between, no hope of improvements.

Pulling himself out of the memory, and the following months, San looks at the deadpan faces of his former roommate. „You said you’d do anything for them to get along…“ San would like to agree with Jongho, but he just shakes his head ferociously. Seonghwa and Hongjoong share a look as they try to assess the situation appropriately.

„What changed, then?“ Seonghwa‘s voice is careful, trying his best to figure out a possible red string to connect all the pieces San had been laying out, „What’s bad about them getting along?“

„Well I mean yes it’s wonderful that they get along, sure! But-„ San stops himself, biting his tongue as he considers whether or not to say it out loud. „Oh what now San? You really cant hit us with the TMI, we know too much about you already, there’s no shred of dignity left for you to destroy anyway.“ Hongjoong speaks up, finally calling for some literal clarity.

„But not when they’re at it like Rabbits!“ San hisses, slightly embarrassed as he feels his face warm dangerously. Hongjoong and Jongho burst out laughing and Seonghwa covers his face to hide the way that his jaw dropped. „Oh my god San!“

San groans, hands falling into his face as he leans back in the chair. „Im so fucked you guys have no idea!“ Jongho, the little shit, only laughs louder, „I thought the problem is that you aren’t!“

#ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez fluff #ateez scenarios #ateez x you #ateez choi san #choi san #wooyoung x y/n #wooyoung x you #wooyoung x reader #wooyoung #wooyoung ateez #choi san ateez #ateez smut

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cuntressgoingdigital · 1 month ago

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RUNAWAY | abby anderson x reader

free palestine! click this link for more info

synopsis: you and abby are in a mutually destructive situationship. after everything you put each other through, you both always find you way back to one another.

notes: gonna be sooo honest, this isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea and that's okay! heed the content warnings. this is a super angsty catharsis piece.

cw: 18+ content MDNI, reader referred to as a girl, alcohol ment., top! abby, mutually toxic relationship, no happy ending, honestly neither of y'all are good people

word count: 1k

all you could do was sigh when you read the text that popped up on your phone.

can i see you tn?

it was 2AM, you and your friends were on the way back home from the club. you had texted abby hours ago. you always did this after drinking. not because your judgment was impaired, instead you wanted to be able to blame your actions on the alcohol. you would’ve texted her completely sober. you often did.

“what are you staring at on your phone?” your friend tried to snap you out of it, but nothing would stop you. your friends learned to stop trying.

the text interaction was instigated by you, around 8PM, after one sip of a cocktail your friend had made for you.

fuck you abby

who is this new girl?

what happened to all the shit you said last week?

she had posted a picture with some pretty redhead on her arm, her face buried in the crook of abby’s neck. she always did this. she knew it would make you mad.

and you always took the bait.

now it was 3AM, your friends had left you for the night, and abby was knocking on your door. you had sobered up in the last hour or so. your mind was clear. all of your actions were your own.

immediately abby leaned in for an embrace, prompting you to practically leap back.

“who the fuck is she?” there was an undeniable venom in your voice. you didn’t have time for pleasantries.

abby moved past you, crossing the threshold into your apartment. “she’s one of manny’s exes. we’re still cool so me and nora had dinner with her. that’s it.”

cue the inevitable repetitive screaming match that you two would end up in once every few weeks. the walls were thin and you knew your neighbors could hear. luckily, they minded their business.

“abby it’s like you don’t give a fuck about my feelings! all week you're texting me ‘i miss you’, ‘you’re the only person who’s ever made me feel this way’. what happened to that?”

you couldn’t ever stay mad at her. you used the same playbook she did. after a couple weeks of not talking, a post on social media would lure her back in. an “accidental”

i had so much fun with you last night <3

that was immediately unsent. it was a song and dance that both of you were perpetually stuck in. after this long, it felt like you couldn’t leave the dancefloor now.

for the record, abby wasn’t lying. it was just dinner. nothing else. it was clear the girl wanted her. hugging her for just a moment too long, getting a little too handsy when they went to the club together, the frequent requests for one on one hangouts.

abby wasn’t anywhere near interested.

she didn’t want any of the girls she would entertain for a week, sometimes a month (never longer). she couldn’t fuck them without thinking of you. without missing you. one too many times when a girl was between her legs she had accidentally uttered your name.

that’s why every argument resulted in the pure bliss of hate filled make up sex. whoever was on the receiving end of the accusations would placate the other with ‘they dont mean anything’, ‘i just miss you so fucking much’, ‘i wanna be with you’.

that night when you’re face down in the mattress, back arched, her strap buried impossibly deep inside you, you forget everything. the reasons you hate her. why you would never work. she takes you by the chin and pulls you up, back flush against her chest, fucking up into you while she whispered in your ear.

“fuck, you look so good like that. my pretty girl.”

you would always be her’s.

“such a fucking slut. only running back to me when you need to be fucked back into your place, yeah?” she hoped that wasn’t true. she wants to hear you say that it isn’t true.

“i love you, abby.” was all you could manage to say between thrusts.

abby starts thrusting with a fervor. her hands were gripping your hips so tight you feared they might bruise. she knows your body so well that she can tell when you’re about to cum. you’d dig your nails into her arms, gasping for air, whimpering her name.

“i love you too, baby girl.”

that was all it took for the floodgates to open.

neither of you had lied. you both loved each other more than anything in the world. you said it during arguments, over dinner, at the end of a phone call, and most often during sex.

if it came down to it, you would die for one another.

the orgasm was so intense it brought tears to your eyes. abby could fuck you for hours, and she often did, especially when you were mad at her. tonight was one of those nights. by the time the sun had fully risen in the sky you were both sweaty, sore, and exhausted.

you spent the next few weeks together. she had a key to your apartment that you hadn’t taken back after any of your fallouts. after work, you would find her at home, making your favorites for dinner. she came and went as she pleased, but you knew she’d be back. such was the nature of your relationship.

when it’s good, it’s amazing. when it’s bad, it’s miserable. the good never lasted long. your record best was a little more than two months. then, one of you would get antsy, terrified of the ‘what are we?’ conversation.

after being away from each other, the monotony of peace set in. one of you would find a way to snake back in.

you were mutually destroying each other. you knew that. abby knew that. a happy ending wasn’t likely for either of you.

but, that was okay.

she was familiar. this was easier. you had to leave or live with it.

and here you were, laying in her arms, pressing kisses against her chest and collarbones, while she whispered sweet nothings in your ear.

#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x you #nisa writes #honestly i love writing fics with no happy ending #divider by cafekitsune

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fandomfucker · 9 months ago

Note

Do you think you could do one for Rhea were it’s all about how she posts about her girlfriend on social media? Like she posts about her girl and the fans just go wild for it? Can make it fluff, smut, whatever takes your fancy. Could be headcannons if you want? ❤️‍🔥🌸

YES!! I love this one cause I literally think about these things all the time. Doing headcannons so I can fit more in🫡

Lemme know if yall want a part 2!

I've said it before, I'll say it again; Rhea loves doing TikTok trends with you

Whether you're running into her and she swings you around or your eyes are inches away from her tits, she loves them and she loves the reactions ya'll get from the fans

She constantly reposts fanart of not just the two of you, but fanart of just you

There's even some of you and her dogs which she commissioned the og artists to paint on a canvas so she could put them up around the house

And edits of course

She lives for the edits people make of you

You're not super active on twitter however Rhea will always find some way to flirt with you on every single post you make, no matter what its about. A winking emoji, some heart eyes, or the filthiest implications

and the mosherz always go batshit when she does it

she also reposts ever single one of your posts to hype you up no matter what it is

She also loves to just take pictures/videos of you when you're completely unaware and just totally natural because those are the things she loves most about you

Every milestone post has a caption so long most people dont even bother to finish reading it

of course its all about how much she loves you and how proud she is of you but omg its so long

she will bully the fuck out of anyone leaving even the slightest mean comment

like to the point they delete their account

she just loves to show you off every chance she gets

because you're hers and she's yours and everyone needs to know that

every thirst pic/video she posts goes to you first so you're always the first to see them

You also get bonus content thats not posted😉

sometimes you'll be in one of her tiktoks or thirst posts from Raw (or a ppv) and the caption is always something super raunchy that makes the fans freak out for the next few weeks

or until the next post

You've been obsessed with the Harley Quinn show on Max recently so for Halloween you made Rhea dress up as the Poison Ivy to your Harley Quinn

You won best costume and there was tons of fanart made of the two of you as them

You like to do face masks and you wanted Rhea to join you but she'd only do it if you would agree to do a little photoshoot with her with them on for her insta

She also took a little polaroid of you to keep in her wallet

On that note, when you revealed that Rhea keeps one of those mini photo albums for polaroids in her carry-on (no matter where she goes) FILLED with polaroids of you, you and the dogs, or the occasional ones of the two of you, or all four of you, Twitter blew up

it was all anyone could talk about for weeks

"The cutest thing ever!!😍 Rhea loves her SO MUCH😭"

SHE. LOVES. TO. SHOW. YOU. OFF.

She has "Belongs to Y/F/N" in her bio on all socials

Constantly taking pictures of you because "you're just so beautiful, babe"

The fans are in love with how in love you are

Like its a fairytale and they're living for it

She constantly talks about you in interviews and always reposts those clips specifically so that just in case people didn't watch/listen to that particular instance of her gushing about you, now they have

The fans cosplay as the two of you just like they do with Rhea and Dom

you are THE it couple

Everyone wishes they were you

When you got engaged, you changed your name in your insta bio to Mrs. Ripley and the fans actually went insane

like to the point that the official WWE accounts got involved

#rhea ripley #wwe raw #wwe #rhea ripley x reader #the judgement day #the judgment day #tjd x reader #the judgement day x reader #the judgment day wwe #mami rhea #rhea ripley headcanons

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wonkawinka · 10 months ago

Text

we’ll meet again

“we’ll meet again… don’t know where, don’t know when..”

alastor x angel!daughter!reader

CHAPTER THREE: weak ankles!

warnings/notes: NOT PROOFREAD (at least thoroughly haha), no use of y/n, uses she/her pronouns, reader is on the fem side, cannibals(?)/cannablism

wc: 2449

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

“CAN you believe it?! actual human souls!,” emily paced around her room, if it could even be called that; a couple square feet more and it could just be a house without rooms, “and she let it happen! those poor human souls… HUMAN! like- LIKE YOU!” her hands shake violently in your face in deep emphasis

she groans in frustration as she flops down on her bed. “ugh… if only i can do something.”

“thats the thing, emily. you can.” you state, turning to face her displayed body lazily splattered on her bed. one flick away and shed immediately melt into a pile of goop.

“how?! we’ve been trying to find ways for the past week! even then…” she turns “i dont want.. you know.” a rare frown settles on the seraphim’s face.

“you dont want to let sera down, huh?” she groans solemnly at your assumption, face down into her pillow now.

“no…! well, not fully, atleast.. i mean, its not like i can go to hell myself…”

that rang a bell in your mind, it vibrated throughout your whole body. maybe she cant. you open your mouth to vocalize your opinions before shutting it, turning back around. unfortunately for you, this doesnt go unnoticed by the second seraphim.

“youre not thinking of going down there… are you?” ah, you shoudlve known you cant hide anything from her. besides sparkles or rainbows, she was basically built to detect things like these. despite how naive she can come off, people do tend to underestimate her actual abilities.

“i cant just leave them there em– i just.” you frown “i can do something for them. its not like theres anything else waiting for me up here. you havent been on earth like i have.”

“this is about your father… isnt it?”

static rings in your ears as the assumption brings you to a halt. maybe. you were mad at him, though. so was it for him?

“you dont understand.”

she calls your name, “its just— its dangerous down there.”

“look, if youre not going to try and fix this directly, i will. its not like i have nothing to lose any way…”

“thats not true, though.” she grabs your hands and looks at you, a frown resting on her usual joyful face.

“i help people, emily. thats all i do. thats how we met. i help. … but my fa..fami…,” you hesitate, debating over your word choice, “… they’re down there; it seems like my life attracts ‘bad things’, hah. i just.. i need to go.”

“i understand that but… do you really think hanging onto the past will fix that?”

her statement bites back at your tongue, inhibiting your ability to speak on the matter any longer.

“…good night, emily.” hah, your non-confrontational mind pushed you out the door of her room. guilt rushed into your veins but you pushed along, you had something you wanted and you took it.

thats one of the things the heaven-borne angels will never understand. ambition. the human need to strive for success and borderline obsession in something they want. need. hand cuffs dragging you along some sick deal you signed with yourself.

you wandered aimlessly throughout the halls of the heaven’s court, navigating your way to the exit. Before you could, the annoying, sadly familiar voice sent radio waves through your mind.

“WELL WELL WELL isnt it little miss goody two shoes! whats a bitch like you wandering around at this hour?” adam and lute stop you dead in your tracks. ugh, you had to put your pretty face on if you were going to get past these wretches.

“good evening, sir adam, maam,” you nod to them with the politetest smile you can offer to a lot like them, “dont mind a gal like me, just strollin’ her way home.”

“AH, well, since we’re here already. say youve heard about the fun little endeavor we got goin on, yeah? why dont you–”

“no—,” you take a deep breath, “no, thank you.”

“bitch, you didnt even let me fini–.”

“well pardon me, but i dont need you to finish. i will absolutely not be joining you on your little… excursion to hell.”

“OH, come on! first of all, wouldnt kill ya to stop interruping me, kinda RUDE.” your smile has tightened that it nearly imprinted on your face “two, you got kickass aim! you shot… squirrels and shit when you were alive. what, your old man teach ya that or something?”

“whether i can shoot or not is none of your concern, adam. now if youll excuse me, i have places to be. errands to be run.” trying slipping past them, you cant help but notice they were still attempting to hinder your steps.

lute stands in front of you with the same old face she had. it was never even her face. it was a mask. a helmet. one shielding the exorcists from the physical reality of the state of man.

adams voice booms at you “LISTEN, bitch. any low life creature like you should be GRATEFUL that i even tried recruiting you in the first place. its a fucking HONOR to work with me.”

“uhuh. well this low life creature is oh, soooo grateful that the one and only adam, first man of heaven and earth, invited her to your um,” the man smirks as she continues , “outings, but she has more important things to do that day. good day to ya’.”

you shouldve flown off a long time ago.

— — — — — — — — — —

the clock ticked quietly. the minute, second, and hour hand all moving in direct correspondence with one another to simply label the concept of human events in mathematical sequences. the clock struck three.

it was exactly two weeks till the extermination. you had to do what you had to do anyway. you may or may have not stolen something of emily’s to get where you were today, but oh well. shed understand… hypothetically.

its not like that stop you anyway.

flowing energy of pure essence and magic floated aimlessly through the air, twisting and curling with each individual atom. each surged with enough power to bend events on earth.

whispers of the ancient and calls from the deep filled your ears as the quiet grew louder towards you. it was overwhelming, but yet, each medley made you seem like you were being relaxed.

a portal opened, supposedly to the destination you needed to get at. before stepping in, you thought.

i can die here. again. a cannibal could yank off your arm. you might get assaulted. you might mawled. robbed. the possibilities were endless. hell was free will with no bounds.

a frown appeared on your lips as you stared at the blinding light. you were one step away from the sole thing you have been searching for weeks.

your soul could be enslaved.

you were never that dumb, anyway.

you hurried through the portal, making haste as if someone on the other side has caught you in the act. if you were caught, youd be banned. banished. fall—

“MMPHM!” you walk right into a random hold llady with a cane.

“WATCH WHERE YAR GOIN’, YOU WRENCH!” the old lady screamed at you, causing you to frown. “BETTER GET SOME EYES BEFORE I EAT THEM MYSELF!”

“sorry, maam…”

“sorry, my ass! hmph.”

you laugh nervously as you circle around the woman to escape, only to be surrounded by… a lot more people. even through the crowds compaction, from the distance, there was a sign.

CANNIBAL TOWN.

ah, just what you needed. seems like youre just a magnet for every cannibal, even in death.

“haha… hello… there, good sir.” some man goes to examine your wing and sniffs it… he gives a nod of approval to his friend before you snatch it away from his hands, hugging it close to your chest. “that is mine, thank you.”

your nose twitched at the stench of hell. the grim and soot combining into various airborne particulates that filled your lungs like toxins.

however, one goes in and tries to chomp your ank—

sharp pain reaches the area as you shriek back in pain, earning some recognition from passerbyers, and especially, a certain someone.

see, its not everyday people of hell see pearly white wings on their doorstep. it's like these cannibals just hit the goldmine of a chicken dinner and you were the first thing on their menu.

right before you started throwing hands, a lovely woman showed up. she reminded you of some of the ladies that babysitted you as a kid when you were alive. had the dress, the hat, the heels, everything. just taller. and with black… PITCH black irises.

“oh, shoo! leave the poor woman alone! did cha mothers teach you anything?!” she shoos off the boys, hands resting on her hips and frown resting on her face. she turns around and formally greets you.

“ALRIGHT, lets see. whats a doll like you hanging around a place like this? i gotta say, im a little flattered someone as cute as you showin’ up at my doorstep!” she thoroughly examines you and obviously takes note of your nearly obnoxious feathered wings.

she clicks her tongue and smiles “ah! you really did fall from heaven, huh? ohhh, im just teasing ya’, hun. but i do say, your one the make the mens ankles go weak! quite the bees knees!”

“as much as i love the enthusiasm, seems like ive had the opposite effect.” you display the very clear bite mark, making rosie laugh at your matching energy.

“ohh, we’ll get you fixed right up! dont mind those boys… you know how they are, especially in this time of age, YEESH!” she pushes you inside a cute ol’ building Franklin and Rosie’s Emporium.

“sit, sit! make yourself comfortable,” her motherly tone calms you down, “can i getcha anything! ooo, where are my manners, i forgot to introduce myself! the names rosie, its always a pleasure to find poor unfortunate souls like yours end up on my doorstep, especially cute ones.” she winks at you as you settle yourself in a chair, taking note of the wonderful hues and coziness of the environment. it was nothing you wouldve expected from hell.

you introduce youreelf formally, “its a pleasure to meet you. quite the pleasure, especially for a gal’ like yourself.” you smiled warmly at the woman, making her giggle.

“awwww, you’re so sweet! no wonder the boys wanted a taste of ya’, you drip with honey, hun!”

“i could say the same for you, maam.” you smile, offering the same compassion she showed. she grabs some bandages in a miscellaneous cabinet and lifts up your ankle.

“here, i’ll getcha fixed up in no time.”

silence, oddly comforting silence, filled the hall as she wrapped bandages around your ankle.

“thank you, by the way.”

“oh, don’t mention it honey, but i must say, seeing a gal like you is quite rare down here.” she states, and despite her irises being pitch black, they still held emotion.

“well— um,” you were interrupted by the static of the radio, making rosie gasp and smile in delight. she grabs a radio by the nearby coffee table and places it closer.

“oooo, you got here just in time for my good friend alastor’s podcast! quite the charmer, he is!”

his voice filled both of your ears, for a second your face falters with shock and mixed emotion, something that doesn't go unnoticed by the self-built overlord, but it fixed itself right away.

“greetings, dear sinners! it is i, your favorite radio sh…”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

you sat at your desk, scribbling away as you studied on yet another miscellaneous biology lesson. the radio turned on, comfortably listening to your fathers voice as he spoke.

pangenesis refers to the creation of pangenes during one’s lifetime which will then be passed down to the organism’s offspring.

the blending traits theory refers to the combination of traits from the parents. however, this fails to acknowledge the reappearance of traits in next genera…

genetics was truly something. dna wrapped and packed perfectly by histone proteins, compacted in nucleosomes, and turned into the primary foundation of lives.

you and alastor were never related. he scooped you up from some miscellaneous dumpster on the side of the road. it was quite cinematic, actually. right out of a book.

newcomers always questioned your sudden appearance next to him, especially since you looked nothing like him. some assume your father had an act with some women, but those who truly knew of the two of you were ones you hold dear.

“thats it for tonight, folks! its pouring hard, tonight! i better get home and start cookin’ dinner before my daughter starves to death. good night!” his acknowledgement made you smile as the radio filled your ears once more. you turned it off and yawned, shutting the biology textbook in front of you.

some kids at school would ask you who your real parents were. youd always respond the same. you said yes and you always, always responded with your fathers name. they would protest and would ask you for a real answer, in which you continue to justify your answer.

even if the two of you werent bound by blood, you were bound by bond.

thirty minutes later, keys rattled, a door opened.

the sound makes you run down the stairs as you didnt hear his usual announcement of his presence. you skidded down hallways on your socks.

you turned the corner and saw him drenched with rainwater.

“im no genuis, pa, but it seems you got a lil’ water on ya’”

exhaustion evident in his eyes, he still manages to smile and roll his eyes at you.

“hush, now, i know i forgot my umbrella,” very unlike him , “be a dear and grab a towel?”

you laugh and walk to the storage closey and threw him a towel. “you need a lot more than a towel. a shower, new change of clothes..” you smiled “and a nice cup of tea, hm?”

he embraces you in a hug, getting you wet “hey! i already took a bath, you smell like wet dog!”

“aah, am i not allowed to embrace my favorite daughter in a sincere act of my care and love for her?”

“im your only daughter, pa.”

“and you are also my favorite daughter.”

you push him away and roll your eyes, but your bright smile remains, “go shower! ugh, now i need to change..” you stretched out your shirt to examine it. he hung his coat and kicked off his shoes. “shoo, go shower before you catch a cold, ill cook ya somethin’.”

“thank you, dear.”

“anything for you dad.”

anything for you.

#hazbin hotel #alastor x reader #dad!alastor x reader #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin hotel x reader #platonic hazbin hotel #platonic #angel reader

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mommahughes19-23 · 5 months ago

Text

imma tattoo artist - Q.H

@tattoosbymorgs : did some tattoos and then took my best friend to see my man play his favorite game..

tagged : @yfriend @_quinnhughes

location : VAN

_eliaspettersson : dude that dragon is SICK and I wish I didn't hate needles ...

luca.fantilli : next time I see you I wanna get my tiny love dinosaur

↪ tattoosbymorgs : make it happen lu - you know where I am, bring ya self

bboeser : I WANT YOUR JACKET. give it here!!!!

jackhughes : oh. wow. this is neat.

lhughes_06 : I think your friend is confused as to who's jersey she should wear ..

↪ tattoosbymorgs : DONT PRESSURE MY FRIEND YOU BULLY! SHE CAN CHEER FOR WHO EVER SHE WANTS

trevorzegras : wow... thats legit my bestest lil cousin ever PLEASE TATTOO ME ASAP

↪ tattoosbymorgs : first off im 2 years older than you, second off no, I saw you cheat on me with your other artist.❌

bradytkachuk : dang Quinn, talented and pretty, she's a keeper.

↪ tattoosbymorgs : what is that even supposed to mean?

↪ bradytkachuk : just that youre more skilled than young Quinten will ever be

↪ ehtkachuk : BRADY leave her alone

icole28 : best frienddddddd

lindholmelias : my two best friends ugh

zadorov_16 : I MISS YOU SO MUCH ALREADY OMG I WANT TO FREAKING COME HOME

elblue6 : so talented! love you sweetie.

dakotajoshua8 : will u ever tattoo me?

↪ tattoosbymorgs : probably not because you didn't say please

_tylermyers_ : well even tho you didn't wear any canucks gear I guess its fine... 🆘

↪ tattoosbymorgs : I LET MY FRIEND WEAR IT TO GIVE HER AN AUTHENTIC EXPERIENCE YOU FUCK😑😑😑

yfriend : the best time ever!!!!!!!!!! @j.tmiller9 MORE FIGHTSSS

emmamatthews : you crazy girl!! miss you!😜

austonmatthews : any luck convincing Quinn to let you tattoo him?

↪ tattoosbymorgs : you know the answer is still no.... why do you have to be so mean to me

lelexdemko : sweetie that is stunning! cant wait to see you next season!!😘

_quinnhughes : i smile just for you baby ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😁😁😁😁😁

↪ tattoosbymorgs : I love you so much omg 💕💕💕💕💕

nilshoglander : this is a lot of pda idk if I can handle it👀

j,tmiller9 : I wanna get a tattoo by you ☺️

↪ tattoosbymorgs : NO. jk if you bring your children I might reconsider 😏

tdemko30 : @_quinnhughes get my number #35 tattooed on you 😁

↪ _quinnhughes : not going to happen bud

ehtkachuk : STUNNING MOMMAAA ❤️❤️❤️❤️

colecaufield : 🙈

_alexturcotte : 🥴

*TURNING THIS INTO A FEW PART SERIES OF QUINN x TATTOO ARTIST!GF*

A.N : HIIIIII - long note bc some stuff happened and idk it got me thinking.

ok so this is basically me just ranting about tattoo related things :)

This girl is (obviously) an actual tattoo artist who does real business and I am a HUGEEEEE believer in giving credit where it is due.... so I believe her name is Mar, ALL WORKS OF ART ABOVE ARE THE ORIGINAL WORKS OF MAR DO NOT STEAL OR CREDIT AS YOUR OWN. below you can find a link to her Pinterest where I am sure you could research more to find her other socials.

even if you dont want to know more about her work I encourage you to just look at some of it regardless because (again im not a tattoo artist just a girl with a few tattoos and an obsession) I believe she is mainly a fine line style artist and while being an artist of any capacity takes talent fine line is its own art. I know she also does some capacity of portrait work (I haven't seen any people just a few pet ones) and those are also a tremendously precise skill set. all in all I just think that people should appreciate the time, work, and effort these artist put into their work.

anywho I just wanted to say I would be honored for her to tattoo me.

tagged : @quinnylouhughesx43 @skylershines @jacktoria4ever @bunbunbl0gs @63kaprizov

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seosracha · 2 years ago

Text

CUPID'S ARROW! lee heeseung x f!reader

SYNOPSIS-> you and heeseung, the schools hot topic and archer, have always despised one another. ruining each other's presentations, tripping each other in the hallways- you name it. so when the boy stops tormenting you due to his new girlfriend, you realize maybe you wanted him more than you thought you did.

PAIRING-> lee heeseung x fem!reader

GENRE-> enemies to lovers, highschool au, fluff, a little bit of angst maybe?!:!:??' oneshot

WORDCOUNT-> 9k ! (hello ?)

AUTHORS NOTE-> in honor of my favorite libra i decided to comeback🤗 if this flops im leaving again Okiiiii Purr👌 this took me 5 years By The Way. I dont even remember if i had a perm taglist Hel! Update i found itReblogs are greatly appreciated let your favourite enha tumblr senior pop off

PERM TAGLIST-> @bubblytaetae @qghosty @viagumi @artstaeh @bigtoewinwin @strwberrydinosaur @enhacolor @rendezrei @shinsou-rii @notrosemary

The school's atmosphere was always bustling, you and your small friend group never felt like outsiders in these rusty walls. Graduation was right around the corner and as much as it should have been a good thing, you felt as if a huge part of your life will be taken away from you. Instead you'll receive a piece of paper for the countless sleepless nights and mental breakdowns. You wondered where all the time between freshman year and the last months of senior year had gone.

Niki. He was with you since birth, or at least you liked to believe that. It was the perfect cliche, next door neighbor and family best friend born on the same day. You always called him a walking red flag for the numerous times he'd do something against the norms. It was small things like pouring his milk first or more concerning instincts where he’d tie his shoes before actually getting into them. He’d defend himself with the barrier of time saving, but you doubted it was even true. But aside the weird things he’d do, the true him was a sunny and caring person. He liked the feeling that making people happy gave him. He put the people closest to him before himself. In Conclusion, he had a heart of gold but a brain full of air.

Jungwon. It has always been hard for you to give a coherent depiction of his personality. Every first of the month he became a new person. In September he made ‘deez nuts’ jokes but as soon as october came they were old and cringe. His confusing being made Jungwon an interesting and alluring person. Although he changed his identity every month or so, his heart and kind nature never changed. He was your personal 911, under the phone for every small inconvenience or big downfall. You loved every part of him and would never trade the clumsy boy for anyone else.

Yunjin. She was outgoing and so talkative it was almost impossible not to fall asleep during one of her storytimes. In freshman year you told her to befriend the school's most envied girl, Miyoung. The moment you almost lost her to the shit person Miyoung was, you realized how much your friendship really meant to you. Yunjin was stubborn so it took you a lot of courage to confront her about the problem. She also pulled the swim team's captain, Jake . Most people envied her for the bond she shared with him, some wondered how these two people even got together in the first place. It was true. Yunjin was nothing like Jake, but maybe her true self was the reason she fit so well into the mold he gave her.

You all assumed the entirety of your small town was or is in this school. The people were welcoming and talked until their tongues went dry. You all internally agreed on making the most out of the time spent in school before going on with the miserable life this town was offering.

The only exception was Lee Heeseung.

He tried to make your life miserable even before graduating. One dirty look could make you shut off for the entirety of the next period on your time table. And if that wasn’t enough he’d try to ruin everything good you had left of that day. Sometimes he’d leave you alone, just to make you believe it was all over. Those days always felt like the rain before the storm. He was nothing but a full of himself asshole who rode off of academic success and school popularity. Girls admired him for his archery achievements and tall, sporty figure.

It was hard to tell exactly where it had all started, the competitiveness and hatred he shared towards you. How did sitting together at lunch, or attending his competitions turn into something so disastrous and sad.

Perhaps it was the track you both took up, and had to compete against each other in. Or maybe your final results that topped his. On the other hand it could've been the brief relationship between you and his best friend, Park Sunghoon. But you’d rather believe it's just pure jealousy. You were always better than him in everything except that pointless arrow shooting he cherished so much. No one performed as well as him in archery so maybe that was the reason he liked to rub it in your face every chance he got.

You got to know him from both sides, and sometimes you’d deny the fact you missed him before he got brainwashed by the meaningless highschool fame.

“It’s eight, right?” Heeseung asked, pen pointing towards the answer in the middle of all his scribbles.

His glasses were constantly sliding off his nose, as he used all the brain power left after the tiring school day to solve his algebra homework. The numbers started to look all the same, and he wondered if x was a number or the problem he had to solve.

“I got 4” you said and he sighed.

His head hung low as he scribbled over the answer once again. Heeseung’s eyes traced over the equation, looking for the moment he made a mistake. He looked disappointed, and you felt bad for being the smarter one at that moment. It’s not like you corrected him to boost your own ego.

“How do you do it? Why do you always get the right answer?”he asked quietly, embarrassed with himself.

You had wondered yourself. Why did you always have the right answer to everything and algebra equations? It came to you naturally, and you never thought of it as something others didn’t possess.

“Show me your paper, Heeseung, '' you asked politely. His wrought hand slid the paper towards you, avoiding any eye contact. “2608 divided by 652 isn’t 8”you pointed to the set of numbers.

He said nothing, just wrote down his final answer on the spot under the question on his work sheet.

A beat of silence came in the library, and you just noticed how quiet it has gotten. Usually the small whispers of other students caught your ear, but now it felt as if you two were the only ones in this modest room. Your eyes trace the study desks and contrary to your belief, all of them were packed with groups of students studying. Some were deeply focused on their literature assignments or chemistry homework, others rather spoil the learning process for the rest.

“I think I’ll just give up. This is pointless” Heeseung murmured, packing his things back into the emptiness of his backpack.

“If you give up now, later it’ll be even harder for you. We’re only in freshman year” you said, grabbing onto his hand.

It was cold, and you felt the feeling of failure radiate off of him.

“Heeseung, I believe in you, I promise. Let’s just finish this and I’ll reward you with some dinner after this. How does that sound?”you sounded like a mom, but he didn’t seem to care.

A smile briefly decorated his face, as he brought the black backpack back up to his chest to pull out the worksheet once again. He grabbed a pen from your pencil case without asking, and continued to focus on the next question.

“I think that sounds nice,” he answered in a moment of comforting silence.

The thought of that day brought you back to the memory of the Heeseung you learned to like.

///

“Oh c'mon I have no money!” Jungwon said cuddling up to Niki.

Niki’s lunch plate was full of delicious food and the most random items the school's cafeteria offered. He looked at Jungwon and just slapped his hand away, pushing a handful of chips into his mouth. To show off probably. Jungwon sighed and moved onto his next target.

“What about you Y/nnie? I’m so hungry, can you hear my stomach rumbling?” he questioned giving you puppy eyes. You just scoffed and slid your extra sandwich towards him.

He squealed in excitement, and took the smallest bite, savoring the treasure in his hands. Niki just shook his head, and kept on eating what his plate gave him.

“I thought we agreed on sabotaging Jungwon every lunch?”he commented, and Jungwon glared at him confused.

“What do you mean by that?”he asked, concerned for himself, and his empty wallet that accompanied him to every lunch period.

“Where is Yunjin?” Niki asked, dogging the older boy's question.

Jungwon just sighed and finished whatever he had left of the sandwich in his hands.

“With Jake, I’m not sure,” you replied.

“They're probably making out under the bleachers again. I mean it’s summer time” Jungwon said, wiping his fingers on the soft material of his pants.

Every summer time, Jake and Yunjin would be caught under the bleachers of the football field. They’d usually get detention, and continue it there. All of you saw it as their little tradition, as disgusting as it was. The bleachers reeked of the most disgusting smell, probably not being thoroughly washed since they were built.

Jake seemed like the typical player type, full of himself, and way too proud of his athletic achievements, but he was the complete opposite. He liked to hide away in the depths of the school, never interrupted class with the stupid jokes boys his kind made, and loved small gestures people directed towards him. Jake liked Yunjins company because she brought out the best in him. She brought him to heights he's never seen, and that is not in a sexual context only. People didn’t envy her for being with Jake, but rather for being the missing piece in his puzzle.

“We should go to the football game next week!” Jungwon asserted excitedly at the thought of Yunjins and Jake's tradition.

“Isn't that something straight people like doing?” Niki snorted.

He didn’t see anything special in seeing the boys of this highschool compete against some other highschool nearby. He had a point though, our school is going to lose either way.

“I thought you and Sunoo were friends?” you said, remembering Kim Sunoo was a famous quarterback. He was tall, really attractive and actually looked decent on the field with all that gear.

Even you found yourself crushing on him in the beginning of sophomore year. He had a charming aura that you wanted to get to know better. It obviously didn’t work after he indirectly rejected you. Looking back at it now, you aren't sure what went through your mind.

“Well my friendship with him doesn’t mean I care enough to watch him throw a ball around” Niki shrugged.

It was hot and dry, the sun peeked through the large windows. It hit your back, warming you in a not so comfortable way.

“I could really get a cold water right now” you sighed and looked over to Niki who despite having an overflowing plate, didn’t possess any drink at all.

You regretted voicing your inner thoughts as the chair behind you jerked. It was like you could predict the future when Heeseung’s tall figure covered the boiling sun that spread through your back.

“You want something to drink, Y/nnie?” Heeseung said and you could feel his eyes burning a hole on the back of your head.

His arms extended to grab the Sprite off his table. Sunghoons hand stopped him.

“Leave her alone dude” he said calmly.

Jay and Sunghoon have grown tired of Heeseung’s childish antics. They knew he had absolutely no reason to keep on making you miserable. They’ve called him out on it countless times, but he doesn’t seem to care at all.

“And what if I don’t? You’re not her boyfriend anymore”he whispered and groped the drink in his hand.

He turned back to you smiling, your body was already facing his, a look on your face he knew well. It was you signalizing you knew what was coming. It’s not like he hasn’t pulled this ‘prank’ at least forty times this year.

“Back to you. What about a Sprite, hm?”he said with a sly smile.

“Can you just leave me alone, seriously?” you said, unfazed by his dominant act “You already spilled coffee on me last week, Heeseung”you added and he chuckled.

“Yeah I did, and it was fucking awesome” he said twirling the can in his hand.

You felt the fizzling liquid quickly move on from your freshly washed hair to your forehead and along the length of your shoulders. You felt sticky, and disgusting. Heeseung laughed, probably being the only one who found the incident funny.

The chair jerked once again, and Sunghoon stood up pushing Heeseung away from you. He took the tissues from the pocket in his jacket and handed them to you.

“You don’t have to help me, you know?” you said avoiding eye contact. Sunghoon shrugged.

“This is the least I can do to make up for having an annoying and childish friend”he mutters, but the admission alone was enough to calm your heart.

Your warm hand trembles slightly as you grab the tissues from him. You wiped whatever you could off your face, and put the wet hair into a messy ponytail. Words leap at the tip of your tongue as you hold back everything in you to keep yourself from wrestling Heeseung to the floor.

“I think we need to talk, Heeseung” you say and he calms his laughter down.

“For what? No need to waste anymore time on you today” he laughs and gives you that dumb face you hate.

You exhale yet another breath of annoyance “I don’t think you have anything better to do, if this is the peak of your day”

“I do, right Sunghoon?” he asks, hoping to get the answer he wanted but Sunghoon stays quiet, observing the scene before him. “Why do you still act the way you did when you two dated? Seriously, it’s so annoying” he huffed.

“Cause you’re being an asshole, Heeseung” Jay interjected, still seated by the trios usual table.

“And you’re being stuck up. What's wrong in having a little fun?” he sighed.

“You’re the only one having fun, Heeseung” you said, and he stared into your eyes.

He wasn’t fazed by your words or anyones in fact. He wanted the high ground in life so going under the influence of peoples opinion wasn’t even an option for him.

“I have to put myself first” he giggled, and you rolled your eyes at his stupid comment.

He was standing inches away from you, and you could swear the heat was radiating off of him. He smelled of Japanese cherry blossoms. You found that strange, expecting a man like him to wear the strongest cologne out there.

The truth was, Heeseung always went for a softer look. He had the whole package from the hair to the shoes. Maybe it was one of his tactics to stand out and showcase his individuality as best as he could.

“Can you just let this go? The whole act you have going on. It’s become old”you say, your voice monotone. He looks around the cafeteria.

“I don’t see anyone better to make fun of” he states, and grabs your hand “Consider that as a compliment” he adds, and smiles brightly.

No matter how much time has passed from the day you met to this moment, his sweet and charming smile never changed. It was made to mesmerize others, and sometimes you couldn't help but get excited.

Your hand jerks away from his “Fuck, just cut it out, please. Just let me have some fun with my friends before graduation” you plead.

Heeseung has never seen you actually beg him to stop. As much as an asshole he was, maybe you were right. He didn’t think about graduation until now.

Heeseung was scared to graduate and leave his school career behind. He knew whatever accomplishments he had in archery would give him nothing in return in college. He knew the adoration of younger girls wouldn't transcript to college. And he knew his friends wouldn't waddle after him. He knew he’d be alone again.

He stayed quiet. The only thing consoling the immediate silence in the small circle you made, was the chatter of other students placed around the cafeteria. Heeseung’s heart courses unsteady blood through the canyons of his uneasy stomach as he exhales a rocky breath.

“Whatever” he murmurs into the sunshine, leaving you and his friends behind as he walks out of the large lunch hall.

///

The school days became more steady and quiet. No clouds in the sky, and no interruptions during lunch. No dumb comments when you spoke in class, and certainly no cocky notes in your locker.

You didn’t see Sunghoon’s and Jay’s smiley faces waving at you anymore as you sat down at your usual lunch table with Niki, Jungwon and Yunjin, since they didn’t sit behind you anymore. At first you wondered why, but you just assumed it was a blessing from the god above. Not that you hated Sunghoon or Jay, you could never, it was more about the boy you despised.

Sunghoon and you used to date, and you knew he couldn’t get enough of the comments Heeseung made about it on a daily basis. He started using it as an insult, and scolding him everytime he tried to help you after one of Heeseung’s foolish pranks. The reality of your relationship was pretty sad. Cause not only is Heeseung using it as a taunt towards your now ex boyfriend, but he was the authentic reason for your breakup. He felt as if you stole his best-friend from him, so he made your lover choose between you or him. The choice is probably obvious by now. I mean he had no certainty this love would last.

“It’s been pretty quiet without Heeseung coming around, hm?” Yunjin whispered, doodling hearts around her English worksheet. A smile perks up on her lips as she writes Jake's name in one of them.

“Well, finally”you reply shortly, focusing on the question before you. You twirl the pen between your fingers, as Yunjin chuckles softly.

“Weren’t you used to it by now? I mean isn’t it weird to not have him spill drinks on you anymore?” she nagged you once again, knocking you out of your trance.

“Who wouldn't be used to it? But I definitely do not miss having wet hair and clothes for the rest of the day”you smile, and write down one of the answers.

Of course you felt like something was missing, but you’d never actually admit it. You knew something was missing, but coming to the full realization of what that was, belittled you.

“Didn’t you ever like Heeseung? Like at some point you had to like him. Especially when you two were practically besties!”she exclaimed, and you had to hit her, afraid Jay might hear.

Jay sat next to Yeonjun, head in hands. You snook secretive glances at the boy, and he seemed just as confused as you were. He kept asking his deskmate for answers but from what it looked like, he didn't have them either.

“I don’t know, Yunjin. Maybe, but it surely wasn’t anything big. You know, Heeseung used to be pretty fucking cool back then”you smiled, your mind rushing back to the memory of freshman Heeseung.

“Niki was so jealous of him, I’ll never forget that” Yunjin giggled, and grabbed your pink highlighter to color in her heart dedicated to Jake.

She smiled as the heart filled with a bright pink color, fading her boyfriend's name a bit, but she made sure to correct it right after.

“Don’t you ever hang out with Heeseung? Especially since you spend so much time with Jake?” you asked curiously.

She chuckled and shook her head.

“We never hang out with a third person. We’d probably make them really uncomfortable,“ she answers, and you laugh along with her.

“Back to you, Jake told me Heeseung doesn’t even talk about you anymore. Can you believe that?” she huffed, as if it should have offended you.

You shrugged. The less embarrassing things Jake, Sunghoon or Jay knew about you, the better. But you wondered why he’d talk about you in the first place.

“He’s also been really secretive lately. They were supposed to go play some games at Jay’s, but he bailed out. Jake said he never does that '' she exclaimed dramatically.

“I really don’t care, Yunjin. Maybe he finally realized what a shit person he truly is” you explain, and she just laughs.

“I hope so too” she whispered a short response “Are you still coming to the game? I finally convinced Niki to come ‘see his friend throw a ball around’ ”she made air quotes, and you chuckled.

“Yeah, me and Jungwon wanted to go from the start anyways” you say, and she squeals excitedly.

///

“Can we sit here?” Sunghoon’s voice caught your attention, as he stood alongside Jay and Jake.

Yunjins face lit up at the boy standing in front of her “Yes!” she squealed, and clung onto Jake’s side “You never sit with me at lunch, baby” she murmured into his chest, and he giggled.

“She’s right, you guys never sit here. What happened to mood killer Heeseung?” Jungwon asked, and they shrugged, just as curious as him.

You looked around the cafeteria, but in fact a six foot, blue haired man was nowhere to be seen. You always wondered why he chose a hair color that could potentially make him look like an idiot amongst the towns people, but you couldn't lie and say it didn't fit him.

“He’s not here, and he’s not answering our calls, I think he’s skipping,” Sunghoon said tiredly.

“I heard he’s been ditching you guys quite often lately” Niki asserted sarcastically , picking at his lunch uninterested.

His parents cut off his money after he failed his math exam, so he no longer had the option to buy out the whole buffet. He was stuck with the disgusting, soggy food the school offered for free.

“Yeah, he has. I don’t want to offend anyone, but after the lunch incident it’s like something has changed in him,”Jay said, being a witness of the scene.

“Why would I be offended by all people, the more freedom, the better” you said, and Jay silently agreed with you.

Getting rid of the fear's tight grip, really washed a lot of other things off of you. It made you so much more comfortable and especially much cleaner, literally and practically. But his sudden ignorance and complete change in demeanor wasn’t all pluses, but maybe it was too early for you to realize that.

“Seriously I should've studied for that exam” Niki muttered, pushing his plate of soggy pasta away. He reached for his backpack but found nothing edible inside.

“What’s wrong with him? That pasta used to be the highlight of my day in freshman year” Jay hummed.

“There is something seriously wrong with you, man”Niki responded “That pasta tastes like battery acid, and maybe like the crumbs on my bed on a good day”

“You eat the crumbs you find in your bed?” Sunghoon asks, disgusted.

Another red flag Niki carried around with him.

“Yeah, you don’t? I thought everyone eats the crumbs in their bed” he said, and nobody agreed.

“First of all, I wash my bedsheets and don’t eat in my bed” Sunghoon said, and Niki scoffed.

“You’re seriously mentally ill, all of you actually. Bedsheets are supposed to be changed every two months or maybe every month if I feel generous”he educates them.

“Me and Y/n once slept over at your house, and I woke up with crumbs in my ass” Jungwon said, and Niki rolled his eyes.

“Could have slept on the floor then”Niki asserted, and sneaked one of Yunjins fries into his mouth. She was way too occupied with Jake to even notice or have any awareness of the people around her “Okay I think we should stop talking about my crumbs now, please”

“Trust me, no one wants to know about your disgusting ass habits,” Jungwon sniggered.

Somehow you found yourself looking around the hall for that one familiar face, yet as good as your vision was, you couldn’t spot him anywhere. Why did you want to see him so bad?

“What about you, Y/n?” Jay asked, and you had no idea what the initial conversation was even about.

Jay had changed the subject, moving on from Niki a long time ago, but your mind was focused on something, or rather someone else.

“What?”

“I asked what you plan on doing after graduation” he smiled, and you pushed your focus back onto the group around you.

“I don’t know yet. I do want to go to college, a lot actually, but what for, I’m still trying to figure that out” you said quickly. Jay nodded understandingly.

“What about a boyfriend?” he smirked and nugged Sunghoon. He just rolled his eyes and moved away from the boy.

“I don't think I need one at the moment”you answered with a smile.

It went quiet as Jungwon's face changed drastically. He saw something others couldn't make out just yet.

“Speaking of boyfriends and girlfriends,, is that fucking Miyoung?”Jungwon exclaimed, and the mention of her name made Yunjin jump away from Jake’s arms.

“What are you talking about?”she said, her body trembling. Her heart began racing as Jungwon pointed to the entry door.

You didn’t want to look, suspecting the outcome.

“So that's where he went,”Sunghoon laughed, and before he could call them over, Niki stopped him. Sunghoon quickly realized, and gave up on that idea.

“No way he actually started dating Miyoung, isn’t she like a total bitch” Jay said, directing his words towards Yunjin.

“She is the most awful person I’ve ever met,” Yunjin said, her gaze still glued to the couple.

“Well that explains why Heeseung’s dating her now,” Jungwon chuckled.

There was the confirmation you didn’t necessarily want.

Heeseung and Miyoung are dating now.

“So that’s why he doesn’t bother you anymore! He doesn't want to make his girlfriend jealous” Jay exclaimed, you just laughed quietly, and tried to completely cut out your friend's words with the company of your own phone.

“This has got to be a serious one if he gave up on teasing Y/n” Sunghoon said.

As much as it made you happy he left you alone, the reason behind it did not fire up that same emotion in you. But you could not stop life from moving onwards, and if this is what makes him satisfied then so be it, right?

“Why did you stop being friends with her anyways, Yunjin?”

…

“I can’t, me and Miyoung are going to the movies” Yunjin said excitedly, but you couldn't quite return her feeling.

Once again, you were being ditched for Miyoung, and it felt pretty fucking shit. It felt as if Yunjin was drifting away from you for some new girl she barely knew. But you couldn’t stop her, she was your best friend and her happiness was your priority.

So when Yunjin and Miyoung were enjoying the movies you and she loved, Heeseung was by your side. He listened, and helped you cope with the pain of being replaced. You remember him holding your hand so tightly, telling you how much you mean to many people, and to never doubt Yunjins platonic love for you. It was a new thing for you and him. You were usually at each other's side when exams came, and when he competed for the gold medal, but never when a crisis striked.

You wondered why he did it. Did he just feel bad for you and didn’t want to make you more miserable when you came to him?

Miyoung was your complete opposite, she was more like Yunjin. That’s why they connected so fast. You envied their friendship despite the fact you were still considered Yunjins best friend.

When Heeseung heard all about Miyoung, he couldn't hold back the shit he had to say about her. Every bad thing he recognized within her, from him, sounded fifty times worse. It was his way of helping you realize Yunjin will grasp that soon enough too.

And he was right. Miyoung had nothing but bad intentions towards Yunjin.

…

Maybe seeing him all over Miyoung hurt ten times more because he was there for you when no one else was. He was there when his now girlfriend wanted to tear your friendship apart.

///

“You’ve been acting really off recently” Jay commented, while you two accompanied each other on the walk back home.

Jay lived in the same apartment complex as you, but you never cared enough to notice him. Usually it was only you and Niki ignoring the rest of your neighbors.

“I think it’s just your imagination, Jay '' you laughed, and took another bite out of Jay's candy bar.

He made a sad and offended face when half of his chocolate bar was gone.

“No seriously, even Jungwon noticed, and I trust him”he said.

“You and Jungwon really hit it off, hm?”you asked, trying to bring the spotlight off of you.

You guessed it worked when Jay's face lit up “Yeah, we did! He actually seems to like spending time with me”

“We all love spending time with you and everyone else, Jay” you smiled brightly, and he laughed.

It was true. Ever since Heeseung completely cut them off for his girlfriend's company, your friend group adopted them. Yunjin couldn't be more happy now that she got to spend every second of her day with Jake. And you felt happy cause they gave you the little unreal pieces of Heeseung you found yourself missing.

Seeing him with Miyoung, turned something upside down in you. It didn’t let you function properly and it felt like you've hit rock bottom. You couldn't help but wonder, why her? Although anybody else wouldn't make the growing feeling in your stomach any better. It was still a new thing to you, and you couldn't quite put into words what it was.

“Do you miss Heeseung? Or at least the person he used to be?”you asked, and Jay wasn’t expecting you to be the one to initiate a conversation about Heeseung.

“Well obviously. We still talk, but it isn't the same at all. I really want to go back to the day when it all went downhill, maybe I could've done something,”he answered with a fabricated confidence.

“Don’t blame yourself for something you can't control,” you said, holding his hand. It was a habit you picked up from the one and only Heeseung himself. “For the short time I knew Heeseung, he’s just like that. You never know what's coming until it's already done”

“Short time? You and him were constantly talking in freshman, I’m really shocked you didn't catch feelings for him back then”he laughed.

Feelings. Now you realize that maybe after all you did like Heeseung. It came to you after you found yourself reminiscing on the memories you shared. He used to mean a lot to you, and when he started changing his demeanor towards you, it wasn't easy to let go. You tried to fix it but you didn't have any tools. You just had to buy a replacement, but there weren't any others like him in stock. That’s why you started dating Sunghoon, because he was the closest you could've gotten to Heeseung.

“I don't think I catch feelings that easily,”you laughed.

Lie.

You lay in your bed helplessly, the sheets clinging onto your sweaty body. Your room elopes you in a constant darkness, and the wind blows softly through your open window. You can’t focus on anything, your heartbeat picking up at every sharp inhale.

Your mind was racing from one thing to another, but someone who stayed consistently flooding your brain was Heeseung. Because you have finally come to the realization this was never about Miyoung or the childish pranks, it was about him.

It was an untypical connection you longed to study.

///

“I know what's going on so you either say it yourself, or I’ll just be blunt about it right now” Niki said through the speaker of your phone as you kept on straining from the real purpose of the call.

You trusted Niki, but this is something bigger than the time you told him about Sunoo. Back then the only thing you two could do about it was laugh and make up fake scenarios with you as the main character.

“If we both know then why talk about it? It doesn't matter anyway” you murmured, fiddling with the settings of your fan.

“Because I want to help you, and if you don’t tell me the full thing I have nothing to stand on” he explained, and you sighed.

On one hand, you wanted to hear Nikis advice, but would that really help? Would any of this really help your already fucked up situation?

“I don’t even know where to start, Niki” you said and he let out a sound of understandment.

“Just tell me everything, don’t hold back. You can trust me with this” he told you after a brief moment of silence.

You stayed quiet, attempting to process everything through. The admission alone was hard enough, but spilling out the truth to one of your bestfriends was the real challenge.

“Niki, I’m not sure myself, if what I feel is real. I’m wondering if any of this is real” you started softly, and he kept quiet signalizing for you to continue. “I want to have him all for myself, and I know it’s selfish, but what can I do anyways”

“Do you seriously want this?” he asked.

“I don’t know Niki, I don’t know anything just yet” you responded.

“I think it’s okay to not have answers,” he assured.

There was nothing that could help your blossoming feelings for Heeseung. Even after he embarrassed you on multiple occasions you couldn't do anything but fall deeper in love with him. Maybe it’s because you still had the feeling his freshman self was still somewhere inside of him under the pile of shit he’s been consuming lately.

“Okay” you mutter. “Just be realistic with me” you ask of him, and he nods understandingly.

“I would never lie to you, Y/n” he whispers “Just follow your gut, okay? I know that may be hard, but if you actually want to try, do it. There's nothing to lose here anyways” he says.

You nod, unable to say anything. It’s weird, the feeling you're experiencing. It leaves you uneasy, the thought of your current situation. You’re unsure of anything going on.

“I want you to be nothing but happy, if it's with him, or anyone else, but sometimes things don't go the way we want them to because we don't trust ourselves” he adds, noticing you've been awfully quiet.

“I don’t want to embarrass myself again, Niki '' you mutter.

What were you thinking, seriously? Heeseung was the unreachable boy, only the prettiest girls of this school could have. Miyoung was one of them, drop dead gorgeous, skinny with porcelain skin. You didn’t see those features in yourself, but maybe it was just your insecurities getting the best of you.

“You can’t embarrass yourself if you don't even try. Even if you do, what's wrong with that? You know you have us, we’ll never make fun of you” he assured with a soft smile.

“Is it even worth it? I mean I don't have any assurance this would last if anything. What if we just went back to hating each other, and I’m left all alone again” you ask, and he shakes his head.

He gets closer to the camera, head in hands. “Just because of what happened with Sunghoon, doesn't mean you have to kill any hope you have of a relationship with others. That's not how it works” he tells you softly. “Just trust yourself, and the process, okay?”

///

You had a goal.

Win Heeseung back by graduation.

You always considered yourself to be a competitive person, not exactly in the right field, but competitiveness always lingered somewhere in your gut. And that’s exactly why you would do anything to feel his touch again.

It didn't take you long to realize you took his teasing for granted. Your mind was begging for him to leave you alone, but your heart perhaps liked the constant attention, and the fact he’d think about you more than anyone. It was stupid, but what could you do? It was hard not to miss the not-so sweet nicknames he’d give you. It was hard not to miss his dumb pranks and sweet laughter.

How were you going to reach your goal? You didn’t exactly know. You just decided to follow your gut, just as Niki said days before. Maybe you were reaching too far, but what's wrong in admiring the stars?

“Sunoo said the team has been actually working hard this month. I’m starting to gain hope in our schools first win” Niki said, clicking away at the Superstar SM on his phone “Fuck, I lost” he groaned.

“Only the best can do Kick It on hard mode” Jay shrugged, receiving a death stare from Niki, who loaded up the song again.

“I don’t think you should get your hopes up too high, Niki. Sunoo said that last time, and guess what?They lost” Sunghoon murmured, copying Jake's chemistry notes.

You silently agreed with Sunghoon. The only reason you all tagged along for the game was the free food your school was giving out on match day. It was probably their way of compensating for the awful game our football team was about to present to us.

“You’re seriously so bad at this, '' Jay laughed, and pulled out his own phone when he saw Niki lose once again.

“Don’t be a show off, I’m just having a bad day. Look, I literally have two stars on Cherry Bomb” he shoved the phone into Jays face.

“Stop being annoying, Niki” Jungwon commented, and the boy looked like he was about to kill him.

“It’s not my fault, he started it!” he said, offended.

“I just got an S level Doyoung!” Jay squealed.

“No way, you’re such a liar, '' Niki said, sliding over to Jay's side.

While the two boys were preoccupied with the beloved game, and Jake was busy keeping Yunjin her special company, Sunghoon and Jungwon were copying Jay's notes, you couldn't stop looking over at Heeseungs table. He seemed to find himself new friends amongst Miyoungs circle. He sat there laughing with Kwangsun and Taehyun, keeping his arm around Miyoung.

Kwangsun and Taehyun were Jakes teammates so you knew them very well. Not only were they the worst on the swimming team, they also had the worst personality. Talking to them was like talking to a wall, they lacked any sense of humor and interest in the world around them. You wondered how Heeseung was talking to them so comfortably. Probably because they weren't responding so it didn't even matter what he said.

“How are you feeling? Everything alright?” Sunghoon asked, keeping his eyes on the notebook. He didn’t look at what he was writing down, just blindly copied Jay's work.

“I’m okay? Why are you even asking?” you answer with a question.

He laughs, and drops the pen. Jungwon takes the opportunity, and slides the notebook closer to himself.

“You’ve been awfully quiet, you know?” he states softly.

“You shouldn't worry about me, Sunghoon. I see you have a lot more to copy, seriously do it before lunch ends” you say trying to change the subject.

Was Sunghoon suspecting something? Did he know something you didn’t? It was hard to tell, and that was making you even more stressed than you already were.

“I’m your friend, I worry about you, Y/n. But i respect it if you don’t want to talk about it now” he smiles and picks up his blue pen “Give that book back” he groans, and slides the book back over to the middle.

“This is unfair, I can barely see what's written there!” Jungwon fights, but the boy next to him just shrugs.

Were your friends catching on? Were you really that obvious?

“Life is still going on, three rainbow stars, beat that” Jay exclaimed, a cocky tone to his voice.

Life is still going on, right.

///

“I’ve been waiting for this for so long!” Niki exclaimed happily, as his eyes scanned the buffet in front of the football field's bleachers. He looked like he was ready to stuff his face any moment now.

“Don’t get too excited, we might not be able to pack you into my car after this” Jay said, taking a sip of his drink.

“Very funny, Jayshit. Let a man enjoy his food” Niki responded, grabbing the first pastry in sight. “Sunoo claimed some really good seats for us, by the way” he added bluntly.

“Maybe you really are useful sometimes, Niki,” Jake said, and got a middle finger in return.

“I remember last time we got some nosebleeds,” Jungwon said, helping Niki sneak half of the buffet into his backpack.

“This is why I am always useful,” Niki said, smiling at Jake.

“That makes no sense, if you were useful you’d get the good seats too last game” Jake asserted.

“Shut up, Jake. Don’t you have a girlfriend to take care of?” Niki rolled his eyes.

You chuckled at his child-like behavior, and grabbed Jay’s drink to take a sip yourself.

“What's up with you and always stealing my shit, get some yourself” Jay said, and jerked the drink away from you. You laugh, and smile at him.

You look around for any familiar faces, but it seems as if no one has arrived yet. That's what you get for being two hours early, just because Niki can't miss out on the strawberry donuts.

“Isn’t that Miyoung, and Heeseung? I thought he hated football” Jake chuckles.

They're here too? It can't get worse can it?

“Miyoung likes it. Her brother is on the team” Yunjin says, and Jake nods.

You drop your head to the ground, and start playing with the strings of your hoodie. Maybe if you don’t say anything you’ll sulking will go unnoticed.

“He hasn’t talked to us for a good two weeks. He really is down bad” Sunghoon comments.

“Do you think Miyoung forbade him from talking to us?” Jay asked, hoping for Yunjin to answer, since her brief friendship with the girl might allow her to know.

“She usually does when she doesn't like her partner's friends” Yunjin fulfilled Jay's wish.

“Why so? Especially since I have probably never talked to her” Sunghoon said, a confused look spread on his face.

“I wish I knew that one,” Yunjin said.

Seeing Heeseung with her was different for you this time. It's like something turned inside of you. Maybe it was because of the fact he loves her enough to sit through a game he hates with his whole soul and heart. You wonder if he’d do the same for you.

The scenery was beautiful. The sound of soft chatter and the summer breeze swayed through your features. The sun hid behind the clouds, the only source of light being the large lamps placed around the field. It was the perfect highschool cliche, but your mind was constantly at war with the bound feelings. It never left you alone. Before you fell asleep, while you ate breakfast, while you showered or brushed your teeth. He always flooded your brain.

“I think I’ll get in a quick bathroom stop before this mess starts” you smile, and get up from your seat next to Jungwon.

“You want me to go with you?” Yunjin asks, averting her gaze from Jake to you.

“Sorry, I don’t really feel like making you hear me pee, I’ll be back soon” you smile, and Yunjin just giggles, setting her head back on Jake’s soft shoulder.

You can’t look at her being happy with him anymore. It makes you want to throw up.

The gentle sound of the latest pop hits poured from the speakers mounted in every corner of the school building as you made your way to the restroom, feeling helpless. Various students hastily made their way to the field.

Yeah, sure, you did hate him. But one look at said enemy, all those words could be shoved out the window.

The air felt so heavy, as you sat on the sinks marble. No matter how hard you searched, there still was no answer. There was no escape and you’ve already lost any control of yourself. You were going insane each sleepless night thinking about him.

You looked into the mirror's reflection and didn’t recognize yourself anymore. Have you changed out of your own pure will, or was it because maybe you weren’t enough for Heeseung when he left. Was it the way you looked, acted or was it any of your other flaws? There’s no answer.

You completely lost track of time, but nobody seemed to be looking for you anyways.

A quiet sound echoed through the bathroom. You didn't even bother to look, expecting Yunjins voice to hit your ears anytime now.

“Do you know how much I hate you?” a so familiar voice reaches your ear.

It still hasn’t hit you. The same person you were bawling your eyes out over, was so close to your helpless figure, yet the calmness of your heart didn’t let the feeling sink in just yet. It was probably the years of Heeseung’s torment that made you believe he was here only to return to his old antics.

You can’t bear to look at him. It’ll just go full circle, and explode, really.

“No” you respond, still avoiding eye contact.

“Words can’t describe” he says, and you can feel him smile. “I go fucking insane whenever I think of you” he added breathily.

You shiver at the harshness in his voice. You didn’t remember it being so coarse.

“Don’t do this, Heeseung” your voice shakes.

“Look at me,” he whispers, and harshly lifts your chin up to make you eye to eye with him.

A long drawn-out sigh from the bottom of his chest leaves him. He slowly lowered his head, and immediately froze in position; making the closeness between you much more intimate. The air around you felt warmer as his eyes pierced through you, studying every detail of your face.

“I’ll show you just how much I hate you” he finally speaks,

Any thoughts you had before Heeseung stepped into the pity party you were hosting in the bathroom, flew right out as his lips smashed into your soft and delicate ones. Your heart heaves uneasily, as you give into the feeling of him against you.

The kiss is lustfull, full of anger he had stored up ever since you went separate ways. He didn’t hold back, his tongue relentlessly prying your mouth open until you gave into his action. The lack of oxygen pulled you apart, your mouth still open from the initial shock.

Yet his lips felt like a magnet; pulling you closer and closer, un-allowing any resistance. You couldn’t stop yourself, leaning over again, wanting to feel his soft lips once again. There really was no turning back.

“Could Sunghoon make you feel this good?” he asked breathlessly, as his lips planted softs kisses on your jawline.

“No” you breathe out, and he smiles.

“That’s what I thought” he smirked, caressing your warm cheek.

Even the mere thought of you and Sunghoon made him burn inside. He liked having you all to himself. Sharing was never an option.

It suddenly hit you.

“Heeseung, why are you doing this?” you asked, backing away from the boy, throwing his hands off your face, feeling a sudden disconnection between the two of you.

“You know how obsessed I am with you?” he whispered, maintaining eye contact. “You remember when you asked me to leave you alone, because you wanted to have just a little bit of fun before graduation?”

You nodded, not knowing exactly what this was about. Hearing all the sweet, yet concerning things that came out of his mouth, made you want to forgive him right there and then without any good explanation to the years of hell he gave you.

“It made me realize, you know, maybe I wanted you more than I thought I did” he finished and although he tried to maintain a dominant act, you could still see his sly smile peek through.

You couldn't give into him that fast.

“Oh so you decided to start dating Miyoung? Makes so much sense Lee Heeseung” you scoffed, trying to intimidate him at least a little bit.

It obviously didn’t work because Heeseung seemed to be unfazed by your words.

“Feelings get caught up in the mind” he said calmly “But loving you long makes it feel a little better”

Whatever he was trying to say didn’t matter, because really you didn’t care. You weren’t gonna lose the opportunity you’ve been manifesting ever since he left.

“Promise this is the last time you pull this type of shit?” you ask after a minute of silence.

Heeseung lets out an airy laugh and smiles. He lifts up his pinky finger, and intertwines it with yours.

“Promise”

Heeseung really wasn’t that tough after all.

///

Heeseung can’t exactly go back to the moment he started to fall in love with you. Maybe it was the day you helped him with his math homework, or maybe the time you cheered him on while he competed in the archery finals.

But he knows exactly when he realized it.

“You promise you won’t tell him, right?” you ask, smiling.

The two of you sat at the back of the library for your weekly study session. You’ve been giving him hints of a recent love interest, and as an unusually curious man he wanted to know more.

“Who's he, just tell me! And I know him, interesting” he laughs.

“It’s Sunghoon. Yes, your best friend Park Sunghoon” you announce and he feels his heart drop. He hoped you’d take him by surprise, and let the words, ‘You Heeseung, it’s you whom I like’ leave your lips. But it was Sunghoon.

Fucking Sunghoon.

Of course, he wouldn’t let this ruin his friendship with Sunghoon. He was sure his friend didn’t even like you back, and soon enough he could be helping you get up after the heartbreak.

But what he didn’t expect was for you two to actually start dating.

At first he held all his anger in, trying his best to avoid any contact with you. Soon it turned into ignorance, and he found himself completely overlooking you. He thought of it as the better way out. When it got to the point he couldn't look past anymore, he made Sunghoon choose, knowing what would be the result of it. Sunghoon chose him, but you submitted to the feeling of hatred.

///

Now, after all this time, Heeseung could watch you bicker with your friends over the tiniest things with his own eyes. He could finally sit down at your usual spot in the library and receive the most prized tutoring from you once again. He could watch you accept your diploma, and run back to him with the biggest smile on your face.

Expressing love for you was different. Years of uncountable pranks, and hateful messages were all just the sweet feeling in disguise.

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