#some of this is stuff i've figured out as an adult after graduating

[jupitermelichios]

i put some stuff in the comments but i ran out of space so i'm reblogging

firstly, lying about the tuition isn't great, but i can't say i wouldn't have done the same in your situation, especially at your age. being 20 is fucking hard.

secondly, your dad sounds like a piece of work, and you would be absolutely 100% justified in lying to him about not deleting your discord. a) you're a full grown adult who can make their own decisions, b) the idea that having social media accounts makes people fail exams is some technophobic nonsense, and c) it kind of sounds like he's trying to isolate you which is really not okay. lie to his face about it without guilt, just be careful. definitely delete the app now rather than waiting for him to check, password lock your devices if you haven't already, get in the habit of closing tabs when you're not using them so you don't accidentally leave discord open, and stick to incognito tabs or clear the browsing history if you're using a shared family computer at all

second-and-a-half-ly, medical care is confidential, if your dad does decided to seek mental health treatment no one but he and his therapist ever need to know unless he wants them to, don't worry about it hurting his reputation.

thirdly, i hope you'll accept some tips from someone who also really struggled with physical and mental health all through university, and ended up having to repeat a two years (but got there in the end)

a lot of people irl are probably going to tell you some real bullshit about yourself and your situation (maybe not, for your sake i hope not, but it's unfortunately more likely than not based on my experience). so you need to look yourself in the eye now and accept that no matter what anyone else might say, you did the best you could. yes even though you didn't sit the exams. yes even though you didn't get the grade you needed. you did your best, and the fact that you didn't end up where you wanted to be is no kind of moral reflection on you. you did your best in a crap situation, and you should be proud of yourself

but, and it's kind of a big but, accepting that you tried you best also means accepting that 'next year i'll work harder, be healthier, be better at the things i struggle with' isn't a plan, it's wishful thinking. accepting it means sitting down and making a plan for how you cope if things don't get better, because sometimes you try your best and things still end up being crap.

that doesn't mean they won't get better of course, and it doesn't mean you haven't grown or learned important stuff over the last semester that will help you cope if things get bad again in the future, and it doesn't mean you're giving up, even though i know it can feel like it at times. think of it like putting on a lifejacket before getting onto a boat. you might not need it, but promising yourself you won't crash the ship won't do anything to stop a storm blowing in, and trying to get back to land to collect one after your boat is in trouble is going to be really fucking hard. putting on a life jacket isn't you giving up on being a good sailor, it's just taking reasonable precautions. so you make a plan now, and then you've got it ready for when you need it.

there's four main things you need in your plan:

1. getting medical support if at all possible, and getting it now while you're relatively okay, so that it can help you stay okay, rather than waiting until a big crash comes. see if your university offers any kind of student mental health services (they often do in my country but every country is different), and if it doesn't, try to find services yourself. without knowing your country i can't advise on what that would be, since every country is different

in addition/instead you can look into what doctors recommend people do for themselves to manage your particular flavour of mental health problems, and try to incorportate that into your daily life. don't try and fix all your problems yourself, or set huge goals (it'll just end up being a source of stress when you inevitable struggle if you aim too high), find something you genuinely think you can do most of the time, whether that's a guided meditation app, mindfulness excercises, going for walks (i know it sounds like bullshit but unfortunatly all the resrarch agrees it helps with most mental health stuff), yoga, drinking more water, whatever the research recommends and you think you could do on an average day. the point isn't to cure yourself, it's just to reduce the chances of a big crash and generally give yourself a bit more mental energy to deal with problems if or when they do happen.

2. talk to your personal tutor if you have one (i don't know what other countries call this - universities here assign students a lecturer to act as your first point of contact for any concerns or academic issues you might have, we call it a tutor), and when you know what classes you're going to be taking this next semester, talk to the lecturers, as soon as you can. let them know now that you have some chronic health problems. that's scary the first time, but it gets easier every time, I promise. if you prefer not to do it face to face (and having a paper trail can be useful anyway) you can write up one formal email and then just tailor a few details and send it to each tutor. you don't have to tell them anything about what your health problems are, although it's best not to actually lie because you might need to produce medical evidence at some point down the line. just tell them you're looking forward to their class, and you wanted to let them know in advance that you have chronic health issues which can occaisionally impact your studies. you don't anticipate it being a problem, but you wanted to check, if it does impact you ability to attend class, whether lecture notes/slides are shared anywhere online, and if not, whether they would be willing to email them to you, and whether there will be classes (such as practicals/labs/presentations etc) which can only be done in person this semester, so that you can plan accordingly.

this works regardless of whether you actually think you'll need the slides or whether there will be in person classes, because the actual point isn't the slides, it's a) to make sure that if things get bad again and you have to ask for accomodations there's already a record of you having issues, which usually makes people more likely to accept you're being genuine, and b) make sure they know that you're pro-active and eager to learn, so they'll want to help to you if you need it.

(and since lecturers are only human, and sometimes humans are unfortunately dicks, it also lets you know which lecturers are the most likely to be kind and understanding)

3. find out now what the policy is on extensions to deadlines for coursework or homework. it might be university wide, or it might be department by department, or it might be lecturer by lecturer (in which case you can incorporate it into your email above). if you have a personal tutor, start there, or ask the university office who should be able to point you in the right direction, or if you have a student union, they probably have someone who can help. find out if you need medical evidence, and how much in advance you need to request the extension, so that if you do end up struggling, you know in advance what to do.

4. take a serious look at the last semester, and the one you dropped out of before, and try and figure out what the big stressors are. i know it probably feels like the answer is 'all of it', but there will be some stuff that stresses you out more than others. if you're living away from home, is it stuff about that, like cooking for yourself, or washing up, or laundry? do you have a friend who stresses you out every time you talk? is there a specific class or type of class you really struggle with? is it having too many exams all at once? did you have to do a lot of academic reading you found difficult? did all your classes combined involve more outside study than you had time for? do you really hate having to chose what to wear to class? have you used alcohol or drugs in a way that's stressing you out? are there noises or smells that you find seriously unpleasant? is it a person you live with? sometimes surprisingly small things can have a big impact. I have to limit how many crime stories i read, which sounds kind of silly for a 33 year old adult, but for some reason they happen to be one of the things that sets off my anxiety really badly. brains can just be assholes like that sometimes.

figure out what your stressors are, and then you can start figuring out ways to reduce or remove them. don't worry about what a "normal" person would need, who cares about them. everyone everywhere needs some kind of accomodation or has to compromise between that they think they should do and what they realistically can do, it's just that it usually happens behind closed doors so we don't see other people do it. it's not weak or shameful to alter our lives to fit what we need, it's a sign of maturity. and there's almost always at least a partial solution to stressors or mental health triggers. if you can't think of one, try searching online or asking people because there are no new problems, and chances are you're not the first person to ask. if the issue is about the number or type of classes, try and mix up what classes you take to balance out the ones you find particularly hard with easier ones (if you don't get told in advance automatically what coursework or exams will be like, or if you don't know what the lecturer will be like, ask other students - if the school has a message board or forum online for students you could ask there, if you don't know anyone irl to ask - there's usually someone who'll know).

and then, with these done, if things do get bad again, you know the process for asking for extensions, you've primed lecturers to support you if you need to skip class or ask for extra support (and in the unfortunatle situation that any of them didn't respond well to the email you know which classes to prioritise if you have to let some things slip), you'll have coping strategies and ideally professionals to support you, and you'll know what makes things worse and you can take steps to temporarily remove it from your life while you get back on your feet (for example, if you know cooking is a stressor, you can't permanently remove it from your life because you need to eat, but if you hit a bad patch, there's no shame in living on bananas and sandwiches for a few weeks to remove that stress from your life until you're feeling better)

good luck! you've totally got this 💚

AITA for asking my parents to pay my tuition for the semester, lying about how I lost my scholarship, and then planning on lying to my dad regarding his requirements in exchange for him paying the tuition?

My (20X) college has a scholarship for offspring of faculty members, and I was lucky enough to have my application accepted by the college that my dad (53M) works at. This means that I get a full ride scholarship; if I graduate within 4 years, I won't have to pay a single penny to my college (books and supplies not included, of course).

Unfortunately, the scholarship does have two requirements; I need to have taken at least a certain amount of credits semester before (not a ridiculous number), and for that semester, I need to have gotten over a 2.0/4.3 GPA. Easy enough, right? Who can't get a GPA over 2.0?

Well. I suffered a mental health downfall the past semester and I ended up failing half my classes. I was unable to sit my finals. I know this wasn't smart of me, and I think I should've done something about my academic situation other than just wait for the semester to be over, but I had quit a semester due to my mental health decline previously and I didn't want a repeat of that. In any case, I got a GPA of about 1.6. I'm not on probation but I did receive a warning.

Fortunately, this doesn't mean I lost my scholarship for good. I just need to fulfill those requirements in the upcoming semester and I get it back.

I realized I did need to pay my tuition this semester two days before tuition fee acceptance closes and I debated telling only one of my parents. My mom wants me to finish college no matter what, and my dad has told me that he does not care anymore as long as I don't stress him out. He's also told me he no longer has any expectations for me whatsoever. I did also consider talking about it with my brother and borrowing money from him to put together the tuition fee.

I figured I'd bite the bullet and just told my dad, who I know has been stressed about my future and how badly I'm doing in college. I just casually dropped it as I was making breakfast for myself and then we had a lengthy conversation that my mother (51F) joined when she got back home.

I don't remember much of the conversation (I may have memory problems) but the AITA mentioned part is that I lied to my parents and told them I did sit all my finals and try my best. I didn't. I tried that for mid term exams but I had nothing to write, so for finals I didn't sit them at all. This happened with three of the classes I was taking. I just didn't take my finals. My dad was suspicious of my claim; he said that as a professor himself he wouldn't fail students who at least submitted homework and sat their exams to write anything at all, but I maintained that I tried.

The conclusion was that my dad would be willing to pay my tuition if I got my shit together and also deleted my social media, which he thinks is a drain on my time and energy. He's not wrong. I deleted my Twitter accounts immediately afterwards (which my parents don't know about) because I've been thinking about it, but I can't really bring myself to get rid of Discord, where so many of my friends are. People I've met while studying internationally, long-term friends who moved to other countries; Discord is the only way to contact these people.

This is the AITA part; if my dad follows up on that particular requirement to check if I deleted Discord, which he particularly dislikes (he has previously confiscated the electronics I bought with my own money that I earned, after he saw me on muted call at night with some friends), I plan on deleting the app/program on my devices but using it anyway as a website. This would be a betrayal of my dad's trust in me, but there's no love lost between us anyway. He's already told me he doesn't love me unconditionally. (Yes, I'm his biological child and he did raise me.)

I also feel like an asshole because I could've settled this with the help of my brother; I'd pick up a job during the winter break to pay him back, but it would have been done eventually. Or I could've just gone to my mom. She works her own job, and we could've figured it out together without telling my dad. I told my dad anyway, wanting him to pay the tuition, even though I knew that talking about having to spend money on his kids stresses him out deeply.

My mom also told my dad to go to therapy (in detail, so I know it wasn't just something she said as a throwaway thing) during the conversation. It did get heated. I don't disagree, but I don't know if that'd be okay; mental health is stigmatized where I am, and my dad as a grown adult man and a respected professor if seen going to therapy could have his reputation kind of effected. It wouldn't have happened if I just brought up this whole situation quietly up to my mom, or just my brother.

So I lost my scholarship, I lied to my parents about the technicalities of how that happened, and I'm asking for some amount of money from my parents but also planning on lying to them in regards to the terms they set out. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[what-even-is-thiss]

Hi roman. I know this is very weird, but i've seen you give some life advice to other people, so i thought i could give it a try too. Don't answer if you don't want to. Anyway

Do you have any advice/tips for a 15 y/o who thinks they just have no control over their life? Like, my concentration is dog shit, i think my grades are slipping. My executive dysfunction so bad and i think i'm disappointing a lot of people. I have no idea how to handle anything in my life. I can't force myself to do the things i need to (not that that'd be any good, i'll immediately cry lol). I just, don't fucking know how i could make things better for myself. And i can't really talk to adults about it, they'll repeat the stuff i already know, and i am the worst person to put their feelings into words, so they'll prob never understand. Not in the edgy way.

Yeah so sorry for half venting into your ask box. Thank you in advance if you'll answer it, if it's too weird and you don't want to do that for whatever reason, that's ok. Peace and love <3

Dude, you’re unfortunately suffering from being 15. And possibly a learning disorder. Godspeed to you.

And I don’t say that to belittle your problems. In many ways as a teenager you don’t have control over a lot of things. You’re still under the control of your parents, you’re still learning how to deal with adult level emotions and ideas. A lot is expected of you and a lot of things are made to seem more important than they are. It’s hard to tell what’s actually important and what’s just adults blowing things out of proportion. It sucks and it’s frustrating!

If you can, you might want to talk to a counselor. If your parents or guardians are anti-counseling you might try to talk to someone at your school like a teacher or administrator or school nurse about the possibility of getting counseling without your parents knowing. Some schools have programs like that.

The adults closest to you might not understand but if you keep looking you’ll eventually find someone who remembers what it’s like to be in your shoes.

And I remember fully feeling like I’d never get control over anything. The end goal of life was graduation from high school and god only knows if I keep existing after that. But the thing is, you do! You keep existing and you figure a lot of stuff out. Wisdom does come with time, it turns out. And legally and practically you end up getting a lot more autonomy as time goes on.

And I know hearing things like this might not feel comforting. When you’re stuck, you’re stuck and no matter how much you logically know it’ll get better right now it sucks.

Just find ways to keep going. And try asking for help sometimes. If your family won’t listen, find someone who will. Take the time to write down your problems and how you feel if you can’t come up with explanations of what’s going on. Or find a friend to talk it out with so you can practice explaining yourself.

If there’s one thing I can promise you, when you’re a couple years into adulthood all of the problems from your teenage years start to feel small. At the time they were big and important though. And that’s what you’re going through right now. And a lot of adults forget about that. Hang in there, and when all of this is behind you, remember how hard it was and maybe someday you can help someone like you.

I’m sorry if all that wasn’t helpful. I don’t know too much about your individual situation. But ask for help when you can. Someone out there understands. You’ll find them.

[cometcrystal]

for the anon earlier. some random pnf headcanons 💯 i might have talked about some of these before but i'll take any chance to talk about stuff i like

i've DEFINITELY talked about this one before but as adults phineas and isabella are divorced besties with a son. they love each other soooo much but the romance part just didn't really work.

yall also already know i hc jeremy as bi but i find it worth mentioning because it was one of my first lgbt headcanons EVER after i figured out i could do that. buford and baljeet were probably first.

eliza and nicolette are endgame. do you see my vision

it doesn't matter to the show whatsoever but i do have ideas for what happened to mr flynn and mrs fletcher. in my timeline mr flynn was abusive and linda left him when she was pregnant with phineas, and mrs fletcher died at some point. idk how. ferb was too young to remember her. i have not worked out how close she and lawrence were but she had green hair

phineas and ferb cure multiple cancers in 10th grade and make the patents open-source

one of my early internet friends turned the drummer in jeremy's band into an oc named hugo.... he was in a situationship with jenny that lasted well past their 30s

speaking of jenny i think she and django disappeared for a bit because their rich artist dad took them to. like. greece or something. for the remainder of the summer and theyre just living their best life on a veranda on the other side of the planet until the school year starts

phineas, ferb, and baljeet COULD graduate VERY early but they purposely stay in the same grade as their friends because they love them. once the acts/sats/ap exams come around though its over for you hoes.

candace and stacy went to horse camp (a week long program during the summer teaching kids to ride horses) every summer until high school. at which point they decided it was For Babies. but they're both still horse girls deep down.

since we know that jeremy has liked candace longer than she's liked him, i think he was a really shy kid. he was too nervous to even look at her some days. when she gave him that pencil that one time, he didn't even say anything. he broke out of his shell later and became a friendly young man but candace still made him nervous. etc etc.

xavier and fred are movie buffs. they're usually logging one film per day. if letterboxd still exists on the future their profiles would be legendary.

jeremy picked the name fred. he was fine with candace already having names picked out, but once they found out they were having twins, she texted him a link to a baby name website and told him to pick his favorite. He picked Fred.

jeremy has written an entire album about candace and its all shit that sounds like Chasing Cars and candace LOVES IT

stacy interning at owca is how she meets her girlfriend vanessa and also how she meets her future wife in uruguay

buford and isabella have ice cream romcom sleepovers and nobody else is invited this is THEIR bonding time

IN MY TIMELINE JEREMY AND COLTRANE WERE AT THE ROBOT RIOT IN THE ORANGE TREEHOUSE ROBOT WHILE CANDACE AND STACY WERE IN THE PINK ONE. #COPING

sometimes the flynn fletcher kids would spend entire days at the antique shop before candace was old enough to watch the boys

this isn't really a headcanon but i want to see some isabella and jeremy bro moments. Because of In love with #TwoCrazyRedheads

Thats the only ones i can think of right now. My hands are shaking

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The Lost Cause prologue, Part V

I'm coming to Minneapolis! Oct 15: Presenting The Internet Con at Moon Palace Books. Oct 16: Keynoting the 26th ACM Conference On Computer-Supported Cooperative Work and Social Computing.

In my upcoming solarpunk novel The Lost Cause (Nov 14), we get an epic struggle between the people doing the repair and care work needed to save our planet and species, and the reactionary wreckers who want to kill the Green New Deal and watch the world burn:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865847/red-team-blues

Amazon refuses to carry my audiobooks, which means that I make my own indie editions and pre-sell them on Kickstarter, along with ebooks and hardcovers. I narrated this one! It came out great! You can back it here:

http://lost-cause.org

This week, I've been serializing the prologue to give you a taste of what you can expect from the book, which Bill McKibben calls "politically perceptive, scientifically sound, and extraordinarily hopeful."

Here's part one:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/06/green-new-deal-fic/#the-first-generation-in-a-century-not-to-fear-the-future

And part two:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/07/met-cute-ugly/#part-ii

And part three:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/09/working-the-refs/#lost-cause-prologue

And part four:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/10/weaponized-interdependence/#super-soaker-full-of-hydrochloric-acid

And now, part five:

Look, I had weeks to go until graduation. I had a life to live. I had stuff to do.

Gramps and his friends would stew and shout. Idiots on the internet would make dank memes out of Mike Kennedy and deepfake him into a million videos, turn him into a main character whose image would be around long after he left the world.

I just had to keep my head down, collect my diploma, and get the hell out of Burbank. I’d already been provisionally accepted for a Blue Helmets AmeriCorps spot down in San Juan Capistrano, helping to rebuild the city’s lower half a mile inland, up in the hills. I was going to do a year of that and then go to college: I had applications in to UCLA, Portland State (they had a really good refugee tech undergrad program), and the University of Waterloo, where my mom did her undergrad in environmental science. They’d let me declare my major in my second year, so I could take a wide variety of courses before settling on something, and if anything, Canada’s free college was even more generous than the UC system or Portland’s, with a subsidy for dorms and meals.

To tell the truth, I’d be glad to go. My senior year hadn’t been anything like I’d anticipated. Gramps’s health had gotten a lot worse the previous summer and his shitty sexist and racist remarks chased away any home help worker Burbank sent over within a week or two, so I’d been trying to keep my grades up while picking up after Gramps, getting him to take his meds, washing his sheets and cleaning his toilet—­not to mention making sure he made his doctor’s appointments and even bringing him into the office a couple of times a month for the kind of exams you couldn’t do by telemedicine.

I wasn’t sure what Gramps would do without me to take care of him, but at that point, I was running out of fucks to give. Let his asshole Maga Club buddies look after him, or maybe Gramps could figure out how not to offend everyone that came over to wipe his ass and do his laundry. He was—­as he was fond of pointing out to me—­a grown-­ass adult, and this was his house, and he was in charge. So let him be in charge.

I put myself to bed stewing about all of this, thinking of San Juan Capistrano. Some of my older friends had graduated the previous years and had gone down there and I’d followed their relocation of the old mission on their feeds. It looked like hot, sweaty, rewarding work, the kind of thing where you could really measure your progress.

For the second night in a row, I was woken up at 2 a.m. This time, it wasn’t my screen, it was Gramps, who’d stumped into my room with his cane, flipped my lights to full on, and started shaking me and calling out, “Get up, kid, get up!”

“I’m up,” I said, getting up on my elbows and squinting at him.

He was shaking, and he reeked—­of both booze and BO, and I felt a flash of guilt for not getting him in the bath that day.

“God dammit,” he said, and staggered a bit. I leapt out of bed, pulling the sheets off with me, and steadied him at the elbow.

“Calm down, okay? What’s going on? Are you all right?”

“No, I’m not all right. No one is all right. Fuck all right and fuck you.” I’d had Gramps tested for early dementia the previous year, by showing his doctor videos of moments like these. The doc had run a battery of tests before pronouncing, “Your grandfather isn’t senile, he’s just ornery.” Which was undeniable, and also pissed me the hell off. “Ornery” was a polite word for “asshole.” What the doc was telling me was that Gramps didn’t have to be cruel. He was cruel by choice.

I untangled myself from the sheets and piled them on the bed.

“What is it?”

“It’s Mike Kennedy, that asshole. Someone shot him.”

“What?”

He shoved his giant screen into my hands. I tapped the video window. It was from the POV of a car cam, that weird fish-­eye view of a self-­driving car, split-­screen with the passenger in the front seat, and it was Mike Kennedy, looking even worse than Gramps, bloodshot and trembling, with that under-­chin camera angle that makes everyone look like they’re half dead.

I tried to watch both halves. There was Kennedy, whispering something to him. There was the cul-­de-­sac he was parked in, false-­lit with IR from the cameras. The timestamp was 1:17. Less than an hour before.

Then the external image flickered for a second and resolved itself into a man, who phased in and out. He was wearing a ghillie suit like the one Kennedy had worn on the roof, covered in telltale CV dazzle stripes, designed to exploit defects in the computer vision system. You had to wear a different specific pattern for every algorithm, but if you got the right matchup, the computer would simply not see you. The man was flickering into existence when his posture crumpled up the ghillie suit and made the pattern stop working, then out again when he straightened up.

He straightened and disappeared and Mike Kennedy’s eyes widened as he noticed the man for the first time—­computer dazzle worked on computers, not humans—­and he started to say something and then a round hole appeared in his forehead, his head snapping back against the headrest, then careening forward. The flickering phantom appeared again as the man in the ghillie suit turned and disappeared.

I dropped the tablet to my bed.

“Jesus Christ, Gramps, I didn’t need to see that snuff movie—­”

He tried to smack me then. I was ready for it. I was faster. I stepped out of his reach. I was shaking too.

“You don’t get to hit me anymore old man. Never again, you hear me?”

He was purpling now, and a decade’s worth of fleeing and defusing his rages rose in me, made me want to apologize. After all, I rationalized, he’d just seen a friend murdered.

But I’d seen that friend murdered too, videobombed with a snuff flick at 2 a.m. without warning or consent. It was a traumatizing, selfish, asshole move. I’d be watching that movie on the backs of my eyelids for years to come. And the friend who’d died? He’d been ready to kill me. Gramps had no right. He was a grown-­ass adult. He had no right.

“Listen to me, you little shit, you think you can live under my roof, take my charity, and talk to me like that? Now? With all the shit that I’m going through? No sir. No. Get out, you little bastard, get out now. Get out before I kick your goddamned teeth in.” He was vibrating with rage now, literally, actually shaking so hard his wispy hair swished back and forth across his forehead.

I didn’t say another word. I picked up some jeans and a jacket, put a pair of socks in a jacket pocket, and jammed my feet into a pair of sneakers without bothering to unlace them. I shouldered past him—­still vibrating, stinking even worse—­and banged out the back door and stomped through the nighttime streets.

My feet automatically took me up to Verdugo, and then across the empty road. I turned toward school—­as I did every morning—­and autopiloted in that direction. By the time I reached the Verdugo Aquatic Facility I had calmed down enough to realize that there was no reason to go to school at two thirty in the morning, so I stopped and headed for the playground in the park behind the pool. I sat down on a bench and kicked my shoes off and shook out the playground sand, pulled out my socks and put them on, then put my shoes back on properly. I was still furious, but now I could think straight and my hands weren’t shaking. Gramps and I hadn’t had a blowup like that in years, mostly—­ okay, entirely—­because I’d backed down every time we’d been headed in that direction. I wasn’t in any mood to back down. Not ever, to be fully honest.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/11/equal-opportunity-class-war/#part-v

My next novel is The Lost Cause, a hopeful novel of the climate emergency. Amazon won't sell the audiobook, so I made my own and I'm pre-selling it on Kickstarter!

[wc-wild-rewrite]

So, Spottedleaf came second in the poll, so we'll be looking into her story next! Remember, this stuff is still up to change if i want it to.

(TW for talk of grooming)

We'll start with her parents, as thats where her story really begins. She was found as an abandoned kit with her brother by a thunderclan warrior. I'm not sure who, exactly, but when they bring the two back to camp, a queen, Cloudspeckle, offered to take them in. Cloudspeckle had recently lost her own litter, so she had plenty of milk for the little duo.

Spotted and Red are both natural tortoishells, and are both trans. They figured this out pretty early, coming out just before their apprentice ceremony. However, before their ceremony, we have some nursery stuff to cover.

Noteably, in relation to them and Tigerkit. See, Pinestar and Leopardfoot's relationship was always a bit rocky. Even in the early days, when Tigerkit was very young, Spotted and Red would always hear the two mates arguing. They acted fine in front of the clan, of course, but they never remembered the twins could hear them. They often stayed with Tigerkit and distracted him with his parents fought. They also helped distract Whitekit when his mother died.

Back to the apprentice ceremony, though. Spotted was assigned to a cat i've yet to decide on, but it can't be thrushpelt, as he's an apprentice alongside her. The apprentice group at the time was, in order of youngest to eldest, Spottedpaw, Redpaw, Sweetpaw, Thrushpaw, Rosepaw, Lionpaw, Goldenpaw, and Willowpaw. Within in a few moons, Willowpelt graduated and Tigerpaw, Frostpaw, Brindlepaw, and Whitepaw became apprentices.

This was, unfortunately, when Thistleclaw enters the story. Being assigned to Tigerpaw, and having already manipulated Whitepaw for all of his kithood, he turned his sights on Spottedpaw. The manipulation and grooming went on for moons, and Spottedpaw started acting differently from it. She became a fawner around adults, and isolated from the other apprentices, including her own brother.

Eventually, she became aware of what was happening to her, but believed Thistleclaw would bring her harm if she said anything, so she attempted to change paths instead. He couldn't continue if she was a medicine cat, right? She asked Featherwhisker to become his apprentice, but Featherwhisker had watched her grow up. He could tell something was wrong. She didn't say what, but once Featherwhisker picked up so something was wrong, it became scarily clear. He told her to stay in his den if she was ever afraid. She sat in there most days with him, after that.

By this point, though, she was old enough to get her warrior name. She should've gotten in moons ago, but due to Thistleclaw's treatment (and some manipulation towards her mentor), she kept failing her warriors test.

Once Featherwhisker noticed, he alerted her brother, as Cloudspeckle had passed by this point. He realised Cloudspeckle's passing must've helped Thistleclaw manipulate her further. Of course, Redtail was furious. And, soon enough, the rest of that generation was aware of it too.

Featherwhisker wanted to go to Sunstar, but Whitestorm knew full well that the leader wouldn't do anything. Pre-firestar thunderclan didn't intervene in mistreatment. But these ones did, and they started making up excuses to keep Thistleclaw away from Spottedpaw, even when all of them were warriors. And, after only a moon, Redtail came up with a plan.

So, Golden, Willow, and Brindle took Spottedpaw aside and kept her distracted, like she and red had done for Tiger all those moons ago. Meanwhile, Red, White, Lion, and Frost went on patrol with Thistleclaw, and killed him by the Riverclana border. Tigerclaw saw this from the bushes, and left silently before they noticed.

Thistleclaw did not go down without a fight, however, so the group were a bit injured. But they had accounted for this. Rose and Thrush "happened" to be escorting Featherwhisker to Riverclan camp for a herb trade, and they patched the group up before they headed back.

Whitestorm put on a spectacular performance as he pretended to grieve as he announced his father's death. Found by the medicine patrol, the border patrol had been ambushed by Riverclan and Thistleclaw had died in the scuffle. They said his body had been swept into the river, and were unable to find it. So sad, as they couldn't sit a proper vigil without a body. Oh well.

Sunstar only found out after the fact. It wasnt the best idea the group has ever had, as it sparked some tension between Thunderclan and Riverclan, but once Featherwhisker explained the situation to Riverclan's medicine cat, it mysteriously stopped. It was one of the only times Riverclan admitted fault. Falsely, this time.

After his death, though, Spottedpaw finally got her warrior name, almost a cycle and a half late. She picked Spottedcloud, in honor of her mother, and she became a fantastic warrior.

Slowly, she came back out of her shell, and into the adventurous rule-breaker she was known as, as a kit. It wasn't exactly the same, of course. She was still wary of large toms and fell into her fawning habits from time to time, but with time, she healed.

When Firepaw joined and Redtail died, she saw herself in him. She saw redtail in him, too. And she decided she'd protect this apprentice if it killed her. She became a big sister to him, which hurt her somewhat from her brother's recent passing, but it only spurred her on further.

She became something of a fourth member to the first arc trio, joining them on their rule-breaking, do-gooder journeys. When the camp was invaded, she nearly died to Clawface, but Featherwhisker fought valiantly to save her. She survived, but Featherwhisker did not. Whitestorm had to talk her into eating after the vigil ended.

She was brought in on the secret of Redtail's true death, and was pained to hear it. She had hoped Tigerclaw hadn't followed his mentor's cruelty. He seemed like a respectable, if gruff, warrior for so long that she struggled to believe it. But she knew denying it could get Ravenpaw killed, so she helped sneak the apprentice out to the barn with Fire and Grey. She acted distraught when she told Bluestar of the young tom's passing, killed on the border. She sorrowfully apologised to Tigerclaw for not saving his apprentice, really laying on the guilt as she tells him his final words were if Tigerclaw was proud. She'll always remember the way he squirmed under her gaze during that conversation.

Enjoying his discomfort didn't stop her from feeling betrayed by him. He had been mistreated by Thistleclaw too, and they had sort of bonded afterr his death. Not enough to be good friends, but enough to banter from time to time. Despite all of that, despite experiencing Thistleclaw's violence firsthand, he still manipulated and abused his apprentice.

And then, she was angry. She was angry at him, for the fear he'd caused to Ravenpaw. So, when Tigerclaw was outed as evil to the clans, she damn near chased him out of the camp herself.

She, alongside Sparrowstalk, Fireheart, Greystripe, and Ravenpaw, snuck into and were captured by Tigerclan's guards, and had to watch Paleflame be killed. She gave one last ditch effort to talk to Tigerclaw, a distraction to let the others escape, before he noticed them sneaking off, and she fought him tooth and claw. Neither died, but she was hurt, and only managed to get away because of rebellion leader Deerfoot of Shadowclan, who was executed shortly after she fled.

With a new set of scars, one and a half ears, and new anger, she and Brightheart helped Lynxshine stockpile herbs for the all-clans fight. She stood proudly on Lionclan's side and brought down a Bloodclan warrior twice her size alongside Frostfur.

Her end came, though, when a bloodclan warrior went for Firestar, and she leaped in the way. She was killed, but quickly avenged by Frostfur and Sweetflower, as Firestar was fighting Scourge. The warrior who killed her did not survive the fight by any means.

After the fight ended, and the clans were heading back to camp, Spottedcloud was carried alongside Whitestorm to be laid next to Redtail, Rosetail, and Lionheart's graves.

Her memory lives on, passed down from various cats in various ways. Tangleburr- Deerfoot's sister- tells the story of the tortoishell warrior who helped the rebellion save dozens of cats by taking on a leader single-pawed. Onestar tells the story of a molly who helped bring Windclan home in their hour of need. Ravenpaw tells the story of a wildcat warrior who helped save him from his abusive mentor. Goldenflower tells the story of a young cat who survived despite everything that happened to her. Even Bloodclan tells the story of a cat so brave, she fought until her last breath to protect her family.

And Firestar tells the story of his big sister, who helped him through everything from crushes to dictators, who's faith in him never once wavered.

Even after Firestar's death, Sandstorm, and Squirrelflight, and Alderheart, and even Scourge himself, keep telling the story of Spottedcloud.

[random-mha-thoughts]

*crawls out of my tiny dark hole* So um... how's everyone doin~?

It's been a super crazy 2 years for me (oh geez... that's how long i've been out of it for?). I started writing out a whole post explaining what the hell was going on in my life, but it sounded more like a therapy session and I figured it was too much for updates and I don't want to bore you.

Long story short: I've graduated from PA school, started adulting and working in a trauma hospital in a high-stress specialty where I'm also working overtime, and I haven't had the time or energy to process how I've basically lost most if not all of my meaningful relationships/friendships because I haven't given myself time to properly process/heal/deal with my first breakup with someone who I was also best friends with during all of PA school. And I spend all of my free time sleeping or mindlessly watching meaningless YouTube videos. Or playing Twisted Wonderland. Almost always at the same time.

(I really thought that when I graduated and started working I'd have so much free time and I'd be happier, but I'm just tired all the time and I'm pretty sure my friends hate me lol.)

Anyway, the past 2 weeks I actually didn't have to work overtime for the first time in a WHILE, and I fully realized how capital D Depressed I actually am (and how thin my hair is and how much my scalp hurts and how much weight I've put on and how much my body aches everywhere) and I want to take back my happiness one day at a time. (No really, I broke down and downloaded a habit tracker to remind me to take my vitamins and iron every day and oil my hair every week and get my nails done-)

I really miss getting the smallest ideas for one shots from the randomest things in my daily life. I miss writing and having some kind of purpose. I just miss being happier tbh, someone skip me to the part of my life where I become hotter and more emotionally stable and confident

You're probably gonna get a oneshot out of me sometime this week, an idea popped into my head while I was researching hair sticks to put my hair up without my scalp screaming at the end of the day. After that... I have no idea, we'll see.

I hope this is the start of me coming back here on a regular basis. In case you didn't know, I also have a kpop blog where I write mostly timestamps and shorter oneshots @doyoungiesbunnies. I might start writing Twisted Wonderland stuff, but I don't know where I'd put it... That's all for now. I hope you're all doing well, staying happy and healthy and taking care of yourselves. I'll see you all again soon ❤️

~Love, Chibi

[marine-indie-gal]

So considering that I've introduced my Friend, @djinarocks to this Character from "Space Goofs" (whose actually one of the Central Antagonists according to its Video Game adaptation, "Stupid Invaders"), Lucien Bolok (or just only by his last name, "Bolok" cause he's only famous in "Stupid Invaders" that much unlike on how he was first introduced in the Show).

For those who might've forgotten about this Character, he first appeared in the Episode, "The Pro" where he was sent by some Mailman to hunt down some Garden Gnomes (which had been mistaken for of a Dog) and that the Space Goofs figure out a plan on how to get rid of Him from destroying their own Garden. Oh, and his Mentor is his Pet Fish (which is Silly, but hey, it's a Cartoon, so what do you expect?).

His Role in the Game however got expanded more when he was hired by Another Character in the Show from Another Episode (Dr. Saccharin from the Episode, "Zero Stuff") to capture the Aliens and bring them to the Doctor in order to have some more Money but unfortunately, being betrayed by Saccharin, he ends up ending the World through a Nuclear Bomb Rocket Ship in which the Space Goofs finally drive their way home.

In my Personal Headcanon, I see Season 1 and the Game being the Only Chronological order of the Franchise (even despite that the Game's Adult Humor is different compare to the Show's more "Family-Friendly" humor) while that Season 2 is an Alternate Universe of its Own where if Stereo was never part of the Main Gang. Even if I may grew up watching Season 2 in Childhood like I've mentioned before, I still now prefer Season 1 (even if 2 may have had some of its Good Episodes I still have doubts at looking back at my First Exposure to the Series. Granted, I don't HATE Season 2, but it's really not that bad to begin with considering that it was in the Same Era as Other Xilam Products like "Ratz" and "Tupu").

That being said, among the very First Visitors of Season 1, what really caught my attention towards both the Show and the Game was this Guy, considering on what he does on the Opposite of the Most Unwanted Guests (especially along with most of the Human Characters) feels so...Unhinged to Me. Like, OK, he may be from Another Obscure Foreign Cartoon but what really draws so much attachment to Him is how that Bolok (IMO) is seriously The Most Indifferent House Guest out of all of the Other Ex-Neighbors that the Goofs try to get rid of from their Entire Countryside of Earth. Like, he is so Mysterious (despite his Funny Moments) as he is literally a Bounty Hunter that won't stand anyone who tries to Manipulate Him in his own Way (which, honestly probably wouldn't be a Big Surprise from most Anti-Villains, but I think you get the point).

After seeing @gingaswag (Aka @gingacd)'s Space Goofs fanart on this Site, I had to took the perfect time before my Graduation started that Day as I drew a Slight Personal Interpretation of what Lucien would look like if he was an Extraterrestrial like the Main Alien Cast instead of drawing his Canonical Appearance if he wasn't born a Human. Because I've been on a major thinking of these whole "Role Swap" ideas between Two Certain Characters where if the Story was completely different in a way (which I happened to be a Massive Fan of "What Ifs"), is that What If the Space Goofs and the Humans reversed both their own Roles and Species like say where if the Goofs were the Humans lost on an Alien Planet and that they have to get themselves out of an Alien Planet but still use the SMTV to disguise themselves to blend within the Space Society just like in the Show?

I know that keeping the Original Concept would kinda be a bit 100% Boring and Cliche but I was thinking more of an "Aliens Conquer the Earth" type where if the Earth-Born Space Goofs were the Ones to stop Evil Aliens from taking over their World.

Anyway, for the drawing itself (since I used it on Paper rather than on MS Paint), I decided to make Bolok more "Death-like" as if he were to be the Galactic Personification of Death itself (since he is a Professional Bounty Hunter) with the Pink Skull Mask (that's supposed to be part of his Alien Skin) beneath his Mouth as I did added in some more Rough Scales as well as Horns and Fish Ears (as a callback to his Ex-Mentor) as I made him somewhat of a Skeleton/Fishman Alien.

The Main Inspiration behind this design probably drew a lot of the Fishman from "The Shape of Water" or a Wendigo but mostly Pedri Nanezgani from "Ava's Demon" (example of the Main Inspiration that I drew from; https://avas-demon.fandom.com/wiki/Pedri_Nanezgani) (since obviously, with an idea of Bolok as an Alien, I just can't unsee him in an AU where if he was Pedri and Nevy's Son).

It may have felt tricky to do considering that this is the Very First Time drawing a Character in an Extraterrestrial Species (even if I may be a huge sucker for the Whole "Swap" things kind of trope), but yeah.

I sorta do feel proud of this a bit, but I would like to know your own personal thoughts in the Comments or Reblogs to see if I did capture Bolok's Nature within his Alien form or not.

Lucien Bolok (c) Xilam

Alien Interpretation of Bolok (c) Me

[finnlongman]

Hallo! Current third year PhD student at Cambridge here, with a hopefully reassuring message, it really is very different to undergrad. I've been renting privately the whole time, have barely been inside college in the last couple of years, and don't even own a gown any more. I have as much of a social network outside the uni bubble as inside it now. I feel like as a PhD student you have a chance to renegotiate your relationship with the university and the city a lot, and I have appreciated that. I hope it works out the same for you!

Yeah, I have seen a lot of friends go through PhD there in recent years, and a lot of them seem to have avoided the Cambridge Experience™ elements (others haven't, but haven't been trying).

I do think renting privately makes a massive difference: living in college means you're far more beholden to college rules and paternalism, and it's just so much harder to feel like an independent adult. Having returned to academia after having jobs makes a huge difference as well, rather than going straight through from undergrad. I took two years out before my MA, and two years between MA and PhD, so I've had a lot more time to... I guess consolidate myself as a person, figure out my priorities, etc.

I've also been working for the university for the past year, as a library assistant, which is interesting because it gives you a pretty different experience of university bureaucracy. As staff, there is some relief in being able to go, "Right, well, that's outside my work hours and therefore Not My Problem," and it's a lot harder to do that as a student -- I've already become frustrated with college scheduling compulsory events for weekends, since that disrupts my life significantly. But I think as term gets underway and stuff, it'll be useful to be able to go, "Okay, I know that's important because when I was staff we had to deal with X, but this other thing can wait," in a way that someone who hasn't got that experience might not be able to.

I previously worked in one of the colleges, too, before my MA, so I've got two years of working for the university of the five years since graduating from undergrad. So I've had a chance to experience Cambridge as a non-undergrad (I have not yet spent any time living in Cambridge with zero university connection, though; my other years were spent in London and Cork). But I think that's also why I'm a bit like, "Oh, god, really, you're gonna make me go back to doing this again?" 😅 I'm sure once the induction stuff is out of the way it'll be a different kettle of fish.

(The vibes right now very much seem geared towards people living on site -- lotta last-minute events and timetable changes, lotta induction talks that are 90% irrelevant to me -- and since I live four miles away, this is a bit of a pain, as I don't really want to make an eight-mile round trip if I don't absolutely need to, especially at short notice. But I imagine that will pass after the first week or so.)

[golbrocklovely]

i'm gonna rant about this for two seconds just bc i saw a lot of stuff about it on twitter and don't really feel like bitching about it there lol

so the teen wolf movie… i knew from the get go this was gonna end up being shit the moment dylan wasn't gonna be in it sksks

but what i've heard about this movie (bc highkey i ain't gonna watch it sorry), it somehow is worse than imagined.

i used to love teen wolf. literally watched it as it was airing. used to have a blog dedicated to it, used to do live recaps on my personal tumblr. i loved that show. but i started to not care about it around season 4/5ish. basically, they introduced too many characters and i just didn't care about a single one of them. hilariously one of the characters i despise is now loved deeply (theo) so… go figure.

but what i don't understand is… why are any of you surprised that jeff davis did what jeff davis does best and fucked up teen wolf?

like this man was notoriously hated for years in the fandom after season 3 bc everything he did to the characters sucked ass. and then topping all of that off, the queerbaiting. that man originated it (not really, but you get my point) so why are you guys surprised that he basically did all of this again just a decade or more later??

of course this movie was a cash grab and not really meant to bring back the love or respect the fans' love for this story. it was just to make money and keep the property rights going.

personally, if i was going to make a teen wolf movie, this is what i would have done:

the overall theme of the movie - letting go of the past.

assuming you could get most of the cast to come back, this is how the movie would have went: after everyone graduated high school (at least the main cast like scott, lydia, stiles, malia, that group), they all immediately left BH. maybe even make it seem like it was a supernatural reason or something, like something pushed them away from BH but they didn't know it at the time. years later, scott is starting to see visions of allison again, like how this movie alluded to it in the trailers. have the others start to see it too. maybe they even see past monsters coming back and haunting them, which makes them all go back to BH. imagine it kinda like in "it" where all the adult versions of the kids didn't remember their old home town, but once they are told about it, they are drawn back. kinda sorta like that.

they get to BH and everything seems okay-ish. hell, maybe you can even make it where it's their 10 year hs anniversary or something just so you get to see all the familiar faces. all of sudden, old monsters that they have fought and killed before come back. bring out all the old hits, maybe some new ones - idk. then, have allison appear. but she's not how she used to be.

she's now void!allison.

each of the main characters has to go on their own journey and fight their own battles - past monsters they once faced they now have to deal with again. there is a bigger monster controlling all of the older monsters (maybe it's void!allison or maybe it's someone pretending that it's her) and if these monsters aren't defeated by the red moon (or some other bs werewolf lore shit that can be made up idk) these monsters will ACTUALLY come back and start killing all the citizens of BH bc in the current period they are only half as strong as they could be. and make it bc, as deaton had mentioned oh so many years ago, BH is a beacon for the supernatural. and something buried deep in BH is drawing this Main Monster to create and resurrect all of these old monsters.

and the whole point of the movie is showing that even tho they moved away from BH and continued living, none of them ever really moved on from what happened to them. you can have malia have to face off against her mother again. lydia maybe is back in eichen house or something. as for derek and scott, they are facing bigger issues.

scott - he has to get over losing his first love, allison. especially since in this state, she is trying to constantly kill him and his pack. he never truly got over her death, and so in the end… he has to kill her. bc realistically allison wouldn't want to be fighting him or trying to kill him or any of her friends. and more she is "alive" the less like her she is being. she is becoming more and more a monster, and scott knows that that isn't something she would want. maybe even have it where the Big Monster offers him the chance to have her be actually resurrected and not just used as a puppet if he relinquishes his powers to the Big Monster.

derek - he has to face his fears and forgive himself of his family's death (along with his first love's death as well). just a lot of forgiveness on his part, especially since now he has a kid. his kid shouldn't inherent the trauma that derek has had just bc he never truly got over it. have derek face off not only against past monsters, but maybe against himself. the Big Monster might try to persuade him to die and give up his powers bc he'll at least be with his family again. maybe derek finally realizes that he isn't alone in this world bc he has family living rn. and this makes him want to keep fighting.

and this would be a great time to note that if dylan didn't want to come back like he did irl, you can blame it on him being a human and not a supernatural being. or idk, come up with a bs reason like he's overseas taking care of the kids that he and lydia clearly and definitely had bc they are meant to be together.

they are just able to defeat their past demons, and they all band together and defeat the Big Monster in some way or another. all the other side characters that have existed can be included in each of the main casts' stories in one way or another. maybe have them be each other's tether or whatever. idk, i'm not working out all the kinks bc i ain't writing this.

in the end, they all live, maybe one of them can have a moment of almost dying - but they all make it out in the end. allison is still dead tho, bc she is meant to be dead. even tho it's heartbreaking, it's a part of life that scott can now finally accept and move on from. much like the rest of the characters and their past. they are finally healed.

see… wouldn't that have been better than whatever the fuck happened in the movie lol

[13beachesxx]

starting to wonder whether i was neglected between the ages of 12-18 and had to parent myself through it. never thought it was possible since there was always somebody in the house, but none of those people took an active parent role in my life so...what did that leave? mom was gone for the majority of that time, dad was also gone. aunt was there but her day to day responsibilities towards me and my sister were making sure we got our dinner after school. we were left entirely to our own devices after that. i can't remember a single time anybody ever helped me with homework or schoolwork, sure i was always an independent creature when it came to that stuff and maybe if offered, i would have turned it down, but nobody was even checking or keeping track of a single thing i was doing. the only time i remember mom & dad joint parenting was when i got suspended for that card thing when i was 9/10, and then they were gone again. maybe in the same way that her projects are her distractions now, she sought other countries and programs and studies as a means of escape from here, which is not really impossible to imagine given everything that was happening in our home and the kinds of toxicity people unleashed on each other. but why didn't they take us with? why didn't me and my sister get the luxury of also moving to france, to los angeles, while she studied and worked and found herself? it hardly seems fair in retrospect, not for the nice luxury life that would have afforded but for the escape from the crazy abusive person it would have afforded. maybe i wouldn't have taken on so much damage if they had done that. maybe i wouldn't have sunk into the depths of anorexia and all the other darkness. maybe, maybe. it's all speculation and What If's but i'm realizing a lot of major things in this moment.

it feels crazy to say i was neglected because i felt the opposite of that, but maybe i'm only thinking of material issues where i was clothed and fed and in that sense, i never had to worry. but anything above that, emotional and developmental issues, i guess, i was on my own. i figured it all out on my own. i always used to be surprised myself at my independent streak, going off to live alone at 15 in a different country for a summer and not suffering in the slightest for it, not missing home or family. quite the opposite, i felt like i was thriving. maybe that's because i've always been parenting and looking after myself since i could remember, or at least since the age of 7/8 when we left moscow and that close, real family unit i had felt so solidly for a couple of years instantly dissolved. when we were in moscow we were a family unit, the four of us, and even that is crystallized in my mind as the Best Part. whenever anyone else got added into the mix, shit started going sideways. i do believe my parents would've grown apart regardless of all the outside insanity and forces pushing on them, but maybe they would've lasted longer together. maybe even up to my graduation. we could never be a solid unit in that home where She resided, and it's crazy i'm realizing this now and none of the adults could back then. They should've seen the problem clear as day and then moved us out. i would have rather lived in a smaller apartment and do with less than have to share with her (and grandma, love you grandma but you too were perpetuating that bs).

it's taken this video to make me realize all of this, but wow, way too many of these apply to me and even that too is somehow me bearing witness to myself that i did, indeed, experience childhood trauma. even now i'm so reticent to call it that because some Part inside of me is like "you ungateful shit, what about X and Y, and Z". as if abusive dynamics can't exist in families that are well off, in children that are spoiled, that have their every whim fulfilled and then some. as if abuse can't happen to any person in any home regardless of these circumstances and you have to have lived some kind of Tiny Tim upbringing in a house like the Cratchits to have Really Been Neglected.

none of my friends grew up like this, we all had some level of privilege or wealth that afforded us, in the first place, the education it did, and everything else after. But every other person who was in my friend circle did fine, and did not suffer the way I did because their family was not toxic and twisted at its core. maybe A*****'s, but her toxic mother was out of the picture long before she moved here and her dad had seemingly taken on two of his stepchildren with a kind of love and care that would otherwise not be seen in someone not biologically related to their kids. though irony of ironies, that applied to me too. Ana's parents up and left for italy and she too, i'm sure, felt a hole inside and a great neglect because I remember her tears, missing her mother, the diary entries, all of that. In a way we were similar in that regard, except I don't ever remember crying because I missed my mother. Pretty sure i was already shut down and emotionless by then and feeling nothing about it all. it was just the way things were, and i did not mind. maybe everyone just dealt with their shit and stiff upper lipped it, and i'm the big baby who couldn't handle it all. it's either that or what happened to me was Much Worse than what happened to my friends or even to my sister, it can't be any other thing. and i can't work out which it was, as if it even makes a difference, because the damage was done and my body went into dissociation mode and my mind left its home and neither quite fully returned for a good 12 years. i'm still working to put myself back in my body and mind fully, even now. which is crazy. maybe by 40 i'll have gotten there. i hope so. i need to learn to be present once and for all and to do it before i die. it's not my fault in fight or flight mode i took permanent flight, bu it sure is my responsibility and even duty now to restore myself back in order. i'm tired of feeling incapable of doing things and want to feel capable of everything instead.

[randoimago]

Hi, I'm in a self indulgent mood. So I decided to just do this whole list for fun! Here is the link to the Ask Game.

I'll add all my answers and such under the cut so it's not just a wall of text in your face!!

🖌 - Do you have/want any tattoos?

I don't have any but I do have a few I really want. I'd love a d20 on my wrist, my mom and brother's birthdays on like a scroll with extra space (so I can put any kids I might have on it), and a full moon over a waxing crescent. I'd probably let my mom and brother pick a tattoo for me to get as well.

💚 - What’s your favourite colour?

Green and blue have always been colors I've loved since I was little. As I've gotten older, I really grew to love pink and yellow too. I do prefer the lighter shades (and I find pastels v cute). While I mostly did my blog theme for like Valentine's day, I would say rn pink is def my favorite.

🍕 - What’s the last thing you ate?

Baked potato 🥰 it has to be my favorite food. Potatoes are just godsend and baked potatoes? Hell yes

🕰 - What time is it where you are rn?

As if right now, it's 8:50pm. No idea what time it'll be when I post this.

🌟 - What is your zodiac sign?

Scorpio! Nov. 11th is my birthdate. Although wasn't there like a new zodiac sign that was introduced a few years ago? I think technically my zodiac should be that one, but I think I want to keep Scorpio.

🌍 - What is your favourite accent?

Accents are so cute you guys. I'd probably go with the lighter, airy Irish accent.

⚡️ - Do you have any scars?

I have a couple small ones on my hands due to burns while cooking (the amount of times I've been splashed by oil 😅)

🌺 - What’s your MBTI type?

I took the test just cause I don't know how much it changed from the last time I did it. I got INTP: The Logician. It's interesting cause I think every time I've done the test, it's swapped between INTP and INFP

🥀 - Favourite animated movie?

Oof. It's probably between Coraline, Spirited Away, and The Corpse Bride.

📺 - Favourite show?

Critical Role (webshow), Madoka Magica (anime), Teen Titans (cartoon)

😂 - Are you ticklish?

Yep! I don't know how ticklish tho since it's been a while since anyone has tried tickling me. I know I was v ticklish as a baby child but now I think it's mostly my feet that are ticklish.

💍 - Do you ever want to get married?

Absolutely! I'd love to be married some day and have kids. Or if I somehow end up really rich, I might adopt. I mostly want to be a mom. But if I can find someone that can deal with me then I'd like to marry too!

😳 - Do you like your name?

I didn't when I was younger but since becoming an adult and applying for jobs (since you have to use your full name and not a nickname), it's really grown on me. Yeah Kat isn't my real name, but I enjoy it v much as a nickname.

💙 - What colour is your bedroom?

It's a fucking green screen Green. I wasn't around when my room was being painted and my mom mentioned being afraid it'd be too bright. But hey, at least I have a green screen whenever I want to clear space and do weird stuff.

🤓 - How did you get your name?

Ooh so without giving away my whole name, my initials are due to a bet my dad made (some thing was being named and my initials were one of the options, which won). One of my middle names is because my mom's aunt (my great aunt) was a nun and so she couldn't have kids so my mom named me after her (she was my favorite aunt, I very much miss her ❤️). My first name is based on a character from my dad's favorite book.

🎓 - When did/do you graduate?

2018 was when I finished High School. I haven't done college yet just cause I want to save up money and see if I can figure myself out a bit first before doing that.

🍄 - Do you have/want any piercings?

Man I'd love to get piercings but when I first got my ears pierced, they swelled up real badly in like 2 days. I know I have real sensitive skin, but I thought real metals wouldn't affect me that badly. Boy I was wrong. So for now I'll just longingly look at facial jewelry and sigh.

👀 - What colour are your eyes?

Hazel! Depending on what I wear they can look more on the green side.

👱🏻‍♀️ - What is your go to hairstyle?

Pixie cut! I don't have an exact style of pixie, I don't know that much about hair 😅 but I love getting pixie cuts.

🥂 - Have you ever drank underage?

Yes. Never anything good though since it was mostly beer or whatever was being drank due to the holiday.

🍾 - Have you ever gotten drunk?

Nope! I've been tipsy but I always get super tired when I drink so I haven't been able to stay awake long enough to get drunk (which I always do around people I trust, not to worry anyone!)

😱 - What’s your biggest fear?

Claustrophobia. I can probably deal with it better if I'm around someone I really trust so they can help calm me down. This one might be more niche, but being eaten when I'm in some body of water terrifies the shit out of me. I'm decent at swimming, but there's no way in hell I'm going to outswim anything that wants to eat me.

🥵 - Would you rather be too hot or too cold?

God I hate both of them so much. I prefer cold weather so I can bundle up and be comfy. But I'd rather be too hot. Maybe I can sweat off some of my water weight 🙃

🌦 - What’s your favourite weather?

If I don't have to go anywhere, I love the rain. It's just so soothing and a good time. I also love the sound of thunder. I still love rain even if I have to go somewhere, but I'd prefer lighter rain and hopefully it's not cold out while it's raining.

🍂 - What’s your favourite season?

Autumn/Fall. It's just cozy and the vibes are immaculate.

🐷 - What’s your favourite animal?

I am an animal lover so this is tricky. I've been really into pigs lately. They're v cute and I'd love a little piggy (good for hiding bodies too).

🐶 - Do you have any pets?

I mean, I'm not shy about sharing my babies. I have three cats and a dog. I have a few chickens too but I wouldn't really count them as pets.

😴 - What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Back when I was in high school, I could go a couple nights without sleep. But now, I am an old lady with my sleep schedule.

🎨 - Any hobbies?

Besides the obvious, I can loom knit (well I can make an octopus and that's it) but I've made so many for friends and family. It's v fun although I got a new knitting needle and have stabbed myself so many times cause it's ungodly sharp.

🛩 - If travelling was free, where’s the first place you’d go?

I'm overthinking this and that's the issue. If traveling was free then I know I'd be on some waiting list to travel some places because everyone will want to go (trips to Japan would take years). Honestly, I'd probably go to Texas because I have a very good friend that lives there. We've been online friends since I was in middle school and so I really would like to meet her IRL

🎇 - What’s your most searched thing on Google?

Haven't looked yet but I'm nervous laughing because it could be so many things. The amount of times I've looked up "What happens to a body in these conditions..." 😅

I'm dumb, my most recent thing is the MBTI test since I retook it for this

📱 - Favourite app on your phone?

I don't have that many apps on my phone tbh. Webtoons is probably the one that gets used the most (I do have the tumblr app but I much prefer browser). I guess I'd have to go with Discord tho just cause it's how I communicate with friends and there's many fun memories there.

🤠 - Are you more of a city person or a country person?

I live in the country right now and while I love all the open space and there being no rules about what I can and can't do, I do miss being able to go out and do stuff in the city. If I lived in a city that doesn't require driving to get to places then I'd be city girl 100%. So I'll have to go with country just because driving scares me (well other people driving scares me, especially in the city. Everyone is chill driving in the country).

[weepingpussywillowtree]

Adult life is hard. Especially as an autistic person. Apartment hunting and moving prep is so overwhelming. I hate change, and after living in this apartment for four years, even if it's shitty, it's familiar. The nearby locations, restaurants, roads, and routines are familiar too. Feeling like you have to sell yourself to potential landlords sucks also...

I no longer have the energy to engage in things I enjoy anymore. I barely knit, write, play video games, or do yoga anymore. I'm excelling at my new job, and juggling stuff for the move and everything but one little extra thing or the idea of it throws me completely over the edge... And I'm in an extremely privileged position. I make good money, work from home, and my lease isn't actually up till mid-august so I have time to look for places... I'm just overwhelmingly stressed all the time at the idea of this big change and the slightly more expensive rent (even if I can easily afford it). I'm terrified that my life circumstances will lead me in the future towards having to work in an office and I don't know if I could handle that at all. I think it would make my already grim situation with regards to leisure time even worse. In college Im realizing I relied on my slower days/periods of the semester. Even though I was in school full time and working part time, I would have like, a Wednesday where I just attended an 11am class and nothing else.

People in my life also keep encouraging me to start doing more things on my own now. Like, go and be social or travel alone and it makes me so ashamed that I don't actually want to do that, (not the least because I'm kind of stockpiling money anticipating that at some point in my adult life I will go into full autistic burnout) and even if I did I wouldn't be successful at it. I've been stress eating lately too or only eating unhealthy safe foods like boxed Mac and cheese and have gained some weight, which I don't really have a problem with except I've grown too big for some of my safe clothes, and I can't replace them with the same ones but a size up because they don't make the same ones anymore. This is all very whiny I realize but people IRL see me as this super successful, bouncy but a little high strung, high-powered career woman but the reality is that I am only successful because of my incredibly lucky circumstances and the fact that I happen to be decent at writing code and wrangling shitty old code.

Functionally, I am a shut in who struggles with independence and dislikes change intensely. I've been trying to push myself more .. I've been going out by myself more and it's honestly fine... It's just so overwhelming from a sensory perspective and I don't really have a desire to do it more often.

As my parents get older I worry about what will happen to me when they die, because even if we don't have an amazing relationship, they still support me during life emergencies if I need them, but after they die I think I will have no one. And I'm so afraid. I make a lot of money but feel like all my jobs have taken so much from me. I would prefer if I was allowed to do repetitive, non-interactive, detail-intensive work all day. Or if I could somehow engage in a special interest all day, like be one of those people at reproduction colonial villages who dresses up in period clothing and knits all day while info dumping to visitors. Or if I could write all day, my few friends and even strangers keep telling me that I'm a good storyteller and should write a book. Or even do something that involves people but is very repetitive. I do extremely well with repetitive, scripted interactions as long as I can reuse the same set of scripts.

Idk. These are all pretty disjointed thoughts. I'm just stressed, trying to figure out how I can enjoy life while honoring my disability. Or if it's even possible. I read a book about autistic adult women before graduating college and I remember a lot of the interviewees for the book talking about how they worked short term contract jobs and took regular sabbaticals to recover even if it financially hurt their situation and I'm starting to think that might be something I'll have to consider in the future.

[livredebelle]

Four.

IT TOOK ALL I HAD to not think about what had happened. I grit my teeth in annoyance. Ugh, how embarrassing was that! Quinn totally took advantage when I was feeling confused and still half-asleep. To take advantage like that was despicable. How could I continue to hang out and smoke with him? 

Still... There was a voice in my head that told me that I was being unreasonable. This was the modern times, after all--no one would think anything of it. He was right; we were grown adults, and if it was something we decided, then that was that...

What was I thinking? I couldn't seriously be considering that guy's proposal. I shook my head, disgusted with myself. On my high school graduation day too...

I didn't really have any friends in school. Well, I did used to have one, but she had left school after our junior year to be homeschooled for our last year. She hadn't told me whether she was going to attend the ceremony. Things with her had been awkward with her due to a past grievance, but I still counted her as one of my best friends--the only one, actually. I never acquainted myself with anybody else in the school. As a result, the ceremony passed pretty by quickly. Towards the end, the principal gave some kind of bullshit speech about moving forward as adults into society and making a difference in the world. Such a generic story, blah blah blah. Sickening. 

I'm the worst critic out there. 

After the drudgery was over, I stepped out of school grounds and took in a deep breath. I had made it, all on my own. In a way, it felt good that no one from my family was here; if they were, they'd try to steal credit for my success, and undoubtedly say stuff like, It's all because we didn't abandon you. We raised you when everything in your family went to shit. Yet you moved out on your own. Ungrateful. 

Had I made the right decisions in my life up until this point? I guessed not... If I had, would I still feel this hollow inside? 

"Hey, I made it."

I looked over in the direction of the voice and made a face. 

Quinn was there, along with Maria, who I was very surprised to see. Maria was the best friend who had been gone the past year due to being homeschooled. She was a short, petite girl who had her own share of demons, who had always been pretty and popular. She and I were an odd pairing for sure; in high school, none of our peers could understand why Maria and I were friends--because we were so different. It was hard to describe our friendship, exactly. We just happened to be going through some difficult shit at the same time; apparently, when you're down and going through a storm in life, it's easy to pick out the same lifeless look in another's eyes--it's like your own reflection. Maybe that was how Maria found me. Or maybe that's the way I found her... who knows at this point. I had to admit, I had thought about inviting Maria since she was the closest girl "friend" I had, but I had assumed she would be too busy; last I'd heard, she was getting ready to start classes at a faraway liberal arts school as an Art major. 

She gave me a tight-lipped smile in recognition of the genuine surprise that must've been apparent in my eyes. It was a tender moment for the both of us, although it was unspoken--it was a reunion after a past storm. I felt my throat tighten. 

"Hi... what are you both doing here?" 

"You know, I was rather hurt that you didn't invite me. I would understand why you didn't invite this guy, but I've been with you since you were a scrawny, pre-pubescent teenager." Maria smiled, but as usual it didn't touch her eyes. Perhaps she still resented me a little...

"Sorry. I figured you'd be busy even without this. It's a silly tradition, to have your family attend and make a big fuss over something like this, anyway."

"Wrong... This is one of those traditions you should really keep. Wouldn't you agree, Quinn?"

"Oh, I have a name? I thought I was just 'this guy.'" 

"My mistake... if that's how you want to be referred to after all, then..."

"Shut up. Anyway, I just thought if I brought her here, it would make you happy," Quinn said, rolling his eyes at her. Then he looked straight at me, and my face flushed a little. It was impossible, after all, to act like nothing had happened. If Maria knew what we had talked about last night, she'd kill me--or, worse, she'd ask for all sorts of embarrassing details, so I didn't feel like discussing it with her. Plus, she had so much more experience in dating than I did; this would feel like child's play compared to her. 

"Here. For you." 

Quinn handed me a bouquet of flowers, while Maria effortlessly put a money lei over my head. It was done before I had even blinked. 

"Thanks." I felt myself blush because I was embarrassed. Is this what it felt like, to be congratulated for graduating? In secret, I was rather touched that they had come. It meant a lot more when people bothered to show up even when you didn't go out of the way to invite them. It meant that they were thinking about you. 

Right? 

"Are you all done here? If so, we should go grab some lunch. I bet you haven't eaten anything yet, have you?" Maria brushed out a knot in my natural hair that I hadn't bothered to curl or straighten for the occasion. It was too troublesome, and I hadn't thought there'd be anyone to show it off to. 

"I think so... Let me go get my diploma. I think I left it under my chair in the auditorium."

Quinn sighed, annoyed. "You left something as important as that? Didn't you bother to check you had everything before you came out?" 

I gave him a sour look. "I forgot. Why are you getting mad? Stupid." Then, I headed back to the auditorium to retrieve my diploma. Where did I sit... on the east side, close to the front bleachers, I believe. I made my way to my row and frowned; there was nothing under the chairs. Did I black out during the ceremony or something? It couldn't have moved on its own...

"Can I help you with what you're looking for, miss?" a gentle voice behind me inquired.

[shiningstages]

Okay, I’ve got queued up stuff ( that I mixed up a little bit oooh will the next thing be a reply or a prompt who knows~? ) that should last through the weekend. Might will myself to do a bit more, but I’m also honestly proud of how much I have written so maybe now I’m on weekend break!! Next week I’ll be working on final projects for school and internship, but I’ll try to pop in here and on Diantha when I have the energy for it~

[noellawrites]

Special - Yandere!Eli Moskowitz x reader

summary: Eli has his eyes on you— to him, you’re special.

The first time Eli Moskowitz ever talked to you, you were sure you were hallucinating. He was the dorky-nerd-turned-impossibly-cool-karate-champion, which made you like him more. You felt like he might understand you even more deeply than any friend you'd ever had.

After graduation, you gave up on ever being asked out. You hadn't been appealing enough in high school so you figured it wouldn't ever happen until you were prettier or more mature.

But everything changed when Eli walked in with his friends to the waterpark you worked at over the summer. You watched from the concession stand as he entered with some other karate students you recognized.

Your eyes followed the group and you felt a pang of jealousy as they congregated by the lawn chairs. Deep inside, you had always been slightly interested in joining one of the dojos. However, once the drama and rivalries started, you decided to keep your distance. Better to keep out of it and avoid drawing any attention to yourself.

You were jolted out of your thoughts when you realized someone was in front of you, clearing their throat to get your attention. You sat up straighter in your chair. It was Eli.

"Hey, you went to West Valley, right? Aren't you (y/n)?" he asked, and you nodded in response.

As he examined the laminated snack menu, your hands shook. He recognized you! Your chest burned with a mix of excitement and fear.

"I'll take the chili dog and your number," he said with a slight smile.

"M-my number? I thought you had a girlfriend?"

"Nah, Moon and I are way over. I covered up her tat, see," he leaned over the wooden desk, pointing at his new inked-over chest. You tried to avoid glancing down at his karate-toned abdomen.

"Oh, well in that case, here."

Hands still shaking, you grabbed a scrap piece of paper and scrawled down your number.

—

You now stood on your porch, watching as Eli drove up in his mom’s old van.

His first date idea was hanging out at his place followed by a trip to Golf ‘N Stuff, which you were fine with.

“Hey babe,” Eli shouted out the window as you opened the passenger seat door.

You tried to push back the thought that you’d completely forgotten to send your address to Eli, but he managed to find your house anyways. Either way, you hopped in the car, excited for your first real date.

—

Eli grew impatient when he couldn't win the purple stuffed bear you wanted. He was playing the milk bottle game, where he had to knock over the metal milk bottles with a ball.

"Fuck this stupid game, it's totally rigged!" he yelled, throwing the ball at the poor game attendant, who cowered as you did.

"Eli, let's just go get some food, 'kay?" you suggested as he put a hand on your arm.

“No! You’re my girl, and I’m going to win you this fucking stuffed bear if it’s the last thing I do!” He screamed, nostrils flaring.

Terror rushed through your veins. You felt like you had seen a glimpse of the violent Hawk from sophomore year, stalking through the halls as he searched for karate enemies. The prospect that he hadn’t changed as much as you thought since high school made you scared.

You tugged him away, towards the food trucks. "I'm your girl, huh?"

"Well, obviously. Just a couple more dates and you'll be ready to move in with me," Eli said. There was no indication of joking in his tone.

"Oh, well I don't really know if—"

"Are you saying you don't want to move in with me? What, you still wanna live with your parents? That's pathetic," he laughed.

"Eli, um, I would really like to move in with you but this is our first date," you explained. Is this how all adult relationships are?

"But babe, I feel like I've known you forever," Eli insisted, bringing you in for a kiss. You knew he just wanted you to stop arguing with him.

You were pretty sure he would never let you go, you just weren't sure if you were okay with it.

[gyupremacy]

Going For The Goal | pjm.

↳ Pairing: soccer player!park jimin x wife!reader

↳ Genre: smut, fluff

↳ Au(s): non-idol au, athlete au, established relationship

↳ Word Count: 1.7k

↳ Rating: 18+

↳ Warning: Unprotected sex (please use protection, no matter your relationship status), swearing, semi-clothed sex, blowjob, handjob, doggystyle, anal sex, light slapping, dom!jimin, sub!reader, mention of daddy kink, fondling, age gap (reader is 28, jimin is 34), mention of a minor injury (this is a lot of stuff)

↳ Summary: After Jimin's great performance during today's game, the two of you go home to celebrate the big win.

↳ a/n: Hi Loveries! I'm in the best mood right now because... I just graduated yesterday 🥳! It was a long road, but I did it. I'm still on a high, so I had no choice, but to complete this fic (with my limited knowledge of soccer 💀) I've been working on for two weeks. Enjoy!

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You could see the sweat dripping from Jimin's forehead as he caught his breath. He was the forward/striker and star athlete for FC Seoul. He rubbed his temple thinking of his next move.

The opposing team had a 2 point lead and you could tell it was getting to him. His teammate and one of the defenders, Jeon Jungkook, had attempted an assist to him, but missed his footing before sliding across the field.

Jungkook sprained his knee and was out of the game. Besides Jimin, he was one of the top players on the team. Your arms were folded across the replica #13 jersey, which matched that of your husband's.

"Come on, Jimin." you whispered, biting your lip slightly.

A little boy, who was a fan of his, looked over at his father in anguish.

"Is Park going to pull through, appa?" tugging at his father's hand.

The man looked with uncertainty until we all looked back onto the field.

Kim Namjoon, who was transferred in place of Jungkook, made the assist to Jimin before he made the goal, earning the team a point.

The audience cheered as he made his way back, sending a nod your way. Mouthing a "You got this!" and blowing a kiss in his direction, Jimin quickly ran back in formation.

The next goal, if Seoul makes it, will make the teams tied. The ball was now with the midfielder, Min Yoongi, as he dribbled it across the field. Dodging defenders left and right, he had a clear shot to Namjoon.

He kicks the ball into the tall defender's direction, where he makes another assist to Jimin. Your husband makes the goal, watching the goalkeeper of the opposite team miss the block.

You stood up and cheered with the other Seoul fans. Now it was time to figure out who had the edge to win the game. Jimin made a cross symbol across his chest then pointed towards the sky, in hopes for the outcome of today's event.

You'd be lying if you didn't mention his reputation within the league. He's played soccer his entire life, to the point where your mother-in-law claims that he practically came out of the womb with a soccer ball.

With all his years of practice and playing time, Jimin joined the club at the ripe young age of 19 and became known for his overconfidence, along with his bachelor lifestyle.

This all changed once he met you, a regular college student, soon hitting it off and becoming a couple. Dating for almost three years, he proposed to you on Valentine's Day, now having 5 years of marriage under your belt.

Your relationship had its ups and downs, particularly with the tabloids. When your then 25-year-old husband was seen courting your 19-year-old self, the press made assumptions about you instantly.

Were you his sugar baby? Were you some gold digger? No, you were two adults who met by chance and intended on having a conventional relationship.

Jimin was squatting, with his hands on his knees, waiting for the ball to come his way. Yoongi passes it once more to Namjoon, who makes yet another assist to your husband. You clenched your hands over your mouth as it felt like the world had stopped for just this moment.

He flipped his blonde locks, full pink lips parting open before squinting his eyes to get a better look at the goalie. If you were not informed about his current occupation, you could have sworn he was capable of being a model.

The goalkeeper's name was Choi Soobin from what you heard. His hair was long and he had plump lips that almost rivaled that of Jimin's, but this pretty boy was not at all going to intimidate him either way.

Jimin swings his foot backward and kicks the ball into the net before Soobin even has time to react. He just stands there in stunned silence, that is soon drowned out by the cheers from Seoul.

The team lifts your husband in the air as the audience cheers along with them. You rush down the field once the team disperse and jump right into his arms, pulling him into a passionate kiss.

"Baby, you did it!" you beamed at Jimin.

"It was a team effort, but having you watch added some extra motivation." he explains, having a firm grip on your hips.

His hands moved further south until they were right on top of your butt, which were restricted in the tight jeans you currently wore.

"Y/N, how about we get back home and celebrate this win before we give Choi a show." Jimin squeezes your cheeks and leans in further to lightly whisper once more.

"Let me remind you why you're lucky to be married to the #1 player in the league, possibly even the whole country." he gives you an enticing look, the two of you walking hand in hand to the Cadillac XT6 he bought for you as an anniversary gift.

The both of you could barely keep your hands off each other on the way home. Jimin was eye fucking you as you climbed put the car and maintained a firm grip on your thigh throughout the whole 20 minute drive.

You were glad that you decided to give the staff the day off to spend with your man. Your sex life was not "boring" by any means, even after almost a decade together.

Jimin hastily unlocked the front door throwing his bag towards the living room area, almost startling your dog Ariel.

"Sorry, Ari. Mommy and Daddy have things planned." you whisper in a baby-like voice before being pinned to the door of your bedroom.

"You're right, Y/N. Daddy has plans for you." Jimin attacks your lips in an instant.

His hands danced across your chest so delicate, yet so rough, you started fantasizing about different ways he'd continue at this pace.

"Honey, you know I was never into the whole daddy kink thing." you teased, watching your husband's eyes darken with lust.

"Well, it's a good thing you're into me, huh?" with this, Jimin turned you around with your back flush against his chest.

You could feel how hard he was through his shorts. The anticipation of feeling him inside you couldn't be explained as he started pushing you further, arms pinned back and all, towards the king size bed.

He pulls your jeans down to see that you had foregone panties altogether. Licking his lips, he swats at your behind, taking pleasure at the whimper that came out as a result.

"Couldn't stop thinking about you fucking me so good, whether we won or lost today, but we both knew losing just wasn't an option." you moaned out.

Hearing you talk dirty made Jimin feel insatiable. He doesn't hesitate to take off his jersey followed by his briefs and shorts.

Jimin carefully placed the head of his member inside of you as you bite down onto the sheets. You didn't waste a moment to buck your hips back onto his as you felt him inside of you.

"God, fuck! Y/N, you always take me so well." he said while he grabbed onto your ankles to steady your movements.

"Baby, you know I can't resist you. Just the thought of you coming home and fucking me on every surface makes me wet." you stuck two of your manicured fingers in your mouth and put them further down your body.

You writhed and shaked from the sensation of having both Jimin and your fingers inside of you.

"I know you can't resist me because you're mine." he landed a loud smack to your left butt cheek.

"This is my ass." landing a smack to your right cheek.

"This is my tight little hole." landing another on your right.

"And these gorgeous, big tits belong to me too." Jimin starts moving at an achingly faster pace than before, pinching your breasts as your whines could be heard throughout the room.

The main force that set off this more possessive side of your husband for sure was singing your hand, which had the 3 carat round cut diamond ring sat on your finger, grabbing the sheets. Also, just seeing you with nothing on, but the jersey with his name and number on it made him smile inside.

"Jimin, I'm so close!" you breathe out before your whole body shakes on top of him.

He pulls out of you, soon switching positions, so now he was laying on his back and you were laid facing him between his legs.

"Let me thank you for making me feel good, baby." you smile up at Jimin, kissing the side of his manhood.

You pump it, using all your juices to lubricate. The tip slides into your mouth as you begin to suck and fit all you can at a time.

You bobbed your head quicker than before as you started to see even more pleasure wash over Jimin.

"Fuck, Y/N, if you keep going I'll finish down your throat." he groaned, brushing your hair lightly with his fingers.

That's what you wanted. The idea of Jimin coming down your throat made you want to take him even faster and deeper. He takes notice of this and begins to twitch in your mouth.

"Y/N! Baby, fuck!" at this, the translucent liquid from your husband's member entered your throat, with some even landing on your lips.

You let go of his shaft and lick the rest of him off your mouth. The two of you cuddle up together underneath the sheets, you taking comfort in his chest.

"That was amazing, baby." Jimin said, kissing your forehead.

"It's because I'm into you." you say, using his own words against him.

"I hope I wasn't TOO rough tonight." Jimin said while he rubbed the flesh of your backside, trying to soothe the area.

"You know I love it when you don't hold back." you laugh a bit, but he remains silent.

"Is everything okay?" you ask.

"Well… after this and now thinking about how supportive you've been all these years, I couldn't have asked for a better wife." he starts, only to surprise you with his next words.

"I've been thinking for awhile, I'm getting older and my career is beginning to slow down, so I thought maybe we could try for a baby?" Jimin blushes, waiting for you to speak.

"Of course."

╚══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╝

© gyupremacy, 2022. All rights reserved.