#some bad days
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I AM SO. FUCKING. SORRY. OH MY GOD I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A BREAK UP
I’m sorry for your loss :(
lmao it’s fine don’t worry about it :)
i can guarantee you he would have found that hilarious
#ill tell you a story though#immediately after he died i was being hounded by my bank to make an appointment for something that was no urgent#and after dodging it for a bit i came right out and said that i was mourning the loss of my partner#and that i wouldn’t be making the appointment any time soon#and they tried to push but i was rock solid#and at the very end of the conversation the guy goes#’i hope your husband gets better’#LIKE BRUH#sulley answers#but yeah it happened a few years back#im mostly alright now#some bad days#but im doing better :)
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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#good omens#´hello friends!! how are you!!#I hope you're doing well! ( ´ ▽ ` )#I have a big cough but otherwise I am good! It's nothign bad I am just very slimey#usually I am not a cough person I am not sure where this is coming from#most of the time I just get a stuffy nose#has my nose gotten stronger#but there are good news too I have already found a VERY good chestnut to put into my pocket this autumn!! its very small! (❁´▽`❁)#it's been a very warm autumn in Germany so far so it has not really felt like fall yet#but yesterday it was all rainy and stormy and I had two new books and it was the best day possible to have a slimey cough (:#and now I feel SO much autumn I am close to buying a set of window colors#I do not know what I would to with the window colors I just have this strong urge in me to buy a window color set#the last time I did a window color was at the birtday of a class mate I think she turned 9 and I made a deer#but for some reason we did this craft 5 minutes before we all had to leave so we had to carry our window color deer home wet#unfortunatly for the deer and me I fell down the stairs of her house and smeared the deer all over me and i screamed the entire drive home#which wasn't very long but it probably felt very long for the mother who had a screaming child covered in window color deer inside her car
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wanna help a poor bastard out? send me money and i'll draw you stuff
#art#dimension 20#mary ann skuttle#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#gorgug thistlespring#riz gukgak#autistic rizz#i may or may not be some amount of dollars behind on rent cause im bad at budgeting#its not super dire i have some savings but it takes a couple days to process and koffee does not. so.#commissions open
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recent gira skpg+some slightly older doodles of baby gira
#poke mythos#pokemon#giratina#baby gira#sketch#was outta state fr a funeral im sick and beat#as in i got sick. potentially covid from my mom shes bad at masking -_-. idk i need to get some more tests#id tested negative a few times in recent days but after i started feeling a bit worse i might as well make sure its not a false negative#ive been masking regardless tho
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bunch of portraits
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#ryomen sukuna#megumi fushiguro#gojo satoru#nanami kento#choso kamo#nobara kugisaki#yuta okkotsu#fanart#crying im so tired....#busts aren't hard on their own but 8 of them ???#i should have stuck at 6 if i knew what was good fr me#but lucky fr choso n yuuta enjoyers i dont know whats good fr me and tacked on the extra 2 last minute#i did a bust piece waaay back in 2020 early jjk days and it was this crowd minus choso/yuuta so i wanted to like. do a kind of redraw#im happy choso n yuuta made the cut tho they r fun they look as tired as i feel#i've been having a lot of fun w the more semirealistic skin render so i wanted to stretch those muscles a bit more#took the better part of 3 days but u know i'm pretty happy w these i dont think i have a hard least favourite#fun game guess my favourite characters based on how i draw them it is Glaringly obvious 2 me#ik i said i dont have a least favourite but i certainly have A Favourite#uhhhh misc notes i tried rly hard to make sukuna's face look like yuuji's and only rly change the expression#i think i was successful??? i hope?????? like i didnt want to make him look like his own person as bad as that sounds#he is Wearing Yuuji that is Yuuji's Face#also i rly . wish there were more women . but as much as i like maki as a character i fr some reason don't find drawing her very fun ?#so nobara out here pulling her weight fr the girls my goat my queen <333
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hope 1/???
more angst!! i am actually building an au around this comic but I’ve never done aus before so like this is new to me!!!
#catnap#dogday#poppy playtime#poppy playtime 3#NOT SHIP ART!!#art#fanart#deep sleep#au#okay maybe ive tried to make an au before but it was like an undertale au with no thought process behind it i just thought the name of#the au would’ve been cool#anyways#muahahahahah#angst#maybe#comic#yeah#i always forget that one#dogday is having a bad hair day#poor guy#and catnap is just devoted man he wants freedom#who wouldnt#actually#and some of the little critters bit some of his ear off#just because#man those little things are like parasites
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#dragon age#art#solas#lavellan#solavellan#dai#dragon age inquisition#my art#oc: avelea#solas x lavellan#fen’harel#solas lowk looks bad in some of these IDC!!!#Its 4 am and ill die if i have to keep drawing his face#lies flat#he is so hard to draw im ngl#he never looks consistent#BUT WE MOVE#does not help i cannot maintain a style
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uno reverse
#john soap mactavish#simon ghost riley#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#sorry to postin so much feel like im breaking some sorta unspoken rule but i gotta or i will forget to post it at all#mw#my art#recruits in the bathroom sobbin in confusion at soaps 180 in the mornin after drills. brutal. judgmental. no remorse.#sneerin dead eyed stare he oversees em with so unforgivin and cold to minor missteps#ghost is the nice one who seems to be glowing. bc the first time he exp'd soap on a bad day he nearly had a mental break down#thinkin he did somethin to piss him off but nope soap just borrowed the stick up ghost's ass for the day#eye black smears on fingies as a treat to myself#feel like im forgettin somethin wonder what it is hmm maybe its my lack of sleep 24hrs awake thas prolly it ye
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GIRLS NITE OUT >_< ((clockwork could not make it)) (wip)
#myart#idk what he’s doing here#this is a work in progress#but I’m gonna be on some island for four days so I wanted to post before I left#Ej is just there for the food#I think Jane and Nina + Ej could be a good friend group actually#very balanced#I hope Jane knows I have a Lamborghini ready for her#creepypasta#eyeless jack#jane the killer#nina the killer#jeff the killer#crp#horror#slenderman#ej#jtk#this is really half assed I’m going to be 100% honest#nobody reading this but the support on my store has been so nice and I love you all#ok bye <3#why is this preforming well#I want 2 delete this so bad 💀
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a glass sun 1/2
#my art#my stuff#this is really fucking long so im gonna have to break it up into multiple reblogs#(howling) WAUGHHHHHHH#i love aishang by xiaoshiguniang#i love to implicate my alma mater in my art about being gay in the shittiest most conservative corner of singaporean society#by some terrible trick of fate i ended up in the conservative chinese christian cishet circuit from primary school to end of hs#obviously i am not most of these things but there i was. Depressed#and there i was after that at Liberal Arts College. the 4 years i spent there were a clusterfuck#but like a good and outrageous and lively clusterfuck#and i graduated in may this year and when i came back it was for the first time in 10 months. it was like. what da hell#like i love being here in specific ways but there is also the pain of being seen as something you're not constantly#can i blame them? i ask myself this every day. for most of my ex classmates and relatives i Am the only not cis person they know#idk my lottery number was bad this corner of society really is that bad#and so its like. idk dawg anyway i aint offering solutions but u get it like it fucks with your head to be misgendered either which way 24/#but to leave them behind would be to leave the only people who knew me for the first 19 years behind. and thats a lot of my life#i am 23!!!!!! ough#anyway. whatever. if u liked it i have a ko-fi#reblogos appreciated
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as much as I love the common "Tim worships/stalks Jason" trope in TimJay fanfiction because it's Good and making Tim a weird little freak is Fun, I think the underutilized dynamic is where Jason is the one weirdly obsessed with Tim and makes it Tim's problem.
Like, the moment Jason is confronted with the information that a third Robin exists, the first thing he does is cover his wall with pictures of Tim so he can just obsess and torture himself over it. That is the behavior of a man who is Unwell over Tim's existence and I love it.
red hood: lost days #4
And as much as a shitshow as The Titans Tower Incident™ is characterization-wise (though I think it has far more merit in depicting Jason's character than people give it credit for but I digress-) there's something very fun about the fact that even after kicking his ass, Jason respects Tim and is impressed by him.
teen titans (2003) #29
And on top of that, Jason can't seem to stop trying to ask Jason to Tim to work with him in some capacity.
robin (1993) #177
batman: battle for the cowl #2
While Battle for the Cowl is an exceptionally bad comic, especially for its characterization of Jason and the "be my Robin" bit is taken deeply out of context, I do think it's interesting how obsessed Jason is with believing that Tim is extremely competent, only held back by being "brainwashed by Bruce". (hence him leaving Tim for dead later on in the comic.) Jason seeing a darker side of Tim and wanting to bring that out of Tim, wanting to see what Tim could be if he let go of his loyalty to Bruce is so fun to me, tbh.
And in Robin #177, Jason seems genuinely upset Tim doesn't want to work with him. Jason sees such a raw potential in Tim and is obsessed with it, constantly wanting Tim to work for him and see Tim be the type of person Jason is. And despite Tim rejecting him, Jason doesn't shoot to kill Tim. I just cannot get over the fanfic potential of Jason obsessing over Tim, tracking him and seeing what he's capable of and what he could be capable of. Wanting to make Tim see things the way he does. To Tim it's corruption, to Jason it's freedom. Tim trying to 'save' Jason is fun and all, but Jason trying to corrupt Tim? That's even more fun to me. Watching that power struggle between them, Tim unable to get Jason off his heels as Jason gets more and more possessive and bold with each attempt.
And when Jason sees Tim successfully get Gotham back under control after a gang war, he's impressed. He praises Tim, even. And then Tim just. Breaks him out of prison.
robin (1993) #182
The way they're constantly trying to see something in the other that isn't there, hoping the other will come around? That is the most fucked up hate/love dynamic ever. Jason keeps coming back to Tim, keeps trying to find ways to get Tim onto his side. They're always chasing each other. And I think Jason would be the one to confess love first, the one to do anything to make Tim his. And when you consider after all of this, Tim has his Red Robin arc and is at his lowest, getting the closest he ever gets to considering murder? I think it'd be so fun to see Jason take advantage of that and worm his way back into Tim's life and finally push Tim over the edge.
#jaytim#timjay#tim drake x jason todd#jason todd x tim drake#batcest#necrotic festerings#for the record i could've continued showing examples if i delved into the new-52#but this is meant to be entirely a pre-flashpoint meta analysis of their dynamic#but in the new-52 jason explicitly says tim is the only member of the batfam he likes and they work together regularly#but new-52 also ate ass with tim's characterization so i cannot use it in good faith on this post.#my first tumblr meta on this blog and i'm feeling stressed about putting my thoughts in the open won't lie#one day i'll come back to the titans tower incident and expand on my thoughts on why it's not as bad as ppl make it out to be#dare i say. it's mostly in character for jason minus the ridiculous robin suit and some of his grandstanding#but that debate is for another day#fyi anyone can take this stuff as a prompt/inspo and run with it for fic pls go wild#someday i'll probably write my own take on it too
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Good morning, Sleepyhead.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#'WWX was asleep for 4 days' is an incorrect factoid.#The average WWX sleeps for 8 hours. The PD-MDZS WWX who was asleep for 40 comics and 4 months is an outlier.#We are back to present day! I have missed drawing them!#Ah...the contrast between how the flashback ended (cold and distrustful) to how wwx wakes up (warm and watched over)...#The gap between the past and present is very important. Not just in this story but in our lives too.#The past can still hurt and it doesn't just go away with time as some say. It is the power of realizing that things have changed.#We can't get the good back. The bad memories have concluded. Those live somewhere else now.#It is hard to realize that you have to live for today and tomorrow. The past is so loud.#For WWX it is realizing that despite the mistrust in the past - He really does have faith that LWJ will be there for him.#It is the reflection of knowing that you changed and will keep changing and that change is good and kind sometimes.#But more importantly...and this I really do mean with all my heart:#It will all end up okay in the end. Even after the worst day. The most painful losses. You will get through it.#What feels like a breaking point is truthfully just another step you have to take. You'll get through it even though it feels like the end.#There are wonderful things you have yet to see. Friends you have yet to meet.#Even if it hurts so badly...one day it just aches. Someday you'll go a few weeks not remembering that it ever hurt.#Oh and because my izutsumi comic revealed many people were in need of hearing this:#You are loved. Right now. You are so loved right now. We just forget to tell each other that.#Go tell the people you love that they matter to you. I'm assigning you homework!!! You are graded on completion.
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the pool scene
#the locked tomb#tlt#griddlehark#gideon the ninth#harrow the ninth#tlt art#tlt fanart#comic#apologies for how wonky it looks in some parts#um i spent like five days working on this nonstop#well not nonstop i ate a shit ton of pomegranetes or however its spelled during it#but uhm yeah#im not good at drawing backgrounds or anatomy (YET) so hhuhshsu#anyways yah yeepers when will i get to have a homoerotic moment with my former rival/enemy where i get to show them forgiveness and care#gideon wants to kiss harrow on the lips so bad its so fucking funny#harrow is a whole pathetic looking sopping wet kitten and gideon is like ooh yah thats the stuff#anwyas yah#ill post the version without their skull makeup because i like that one more#the skull makeup looks ugly sometimes (BY MY OWN DESIGN!!!! HARROW QUEEN I WILL NEVER DISS YOUR FASHION <4)#ALSO SORRY ABOUT THE PACING BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT DRAWING TWELVE PAGES OF A COMIC CAN MAKE YOU REALLY MESSED UP IN THE HEAD#hatman is in the corner of ym room rn
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the world is so fucked up and i can't help but think the damage is irreparable when i see people talking about how unusual and prudish it is to wait six to ten dates before having sex with someone. ten dates??? roughly like twenty five hours of interaction????? ten old timer burgers and mango iced teas from chilis equals sex?????? the possibility of pregnancy, STDs, emotional devastation, lifelong consequences, not to mention just straight up the possibility of getting murdered, with a STRANGER you have hung out with for maybe like two months???? and that's a LONG TIME???? and if you feel weird about that and don't want to do that that makes you NOT HETEROSEXUAL????? THATS AN ORIENTATION???? BECAUSE ITS SO OUTSIDE OF THE NORM OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR ????? i hate all of you i hate you i hate you i hate you every day i hate and I hate and I hate you
#i genuinely genuinely don't understand how everybody who tries to date hasn't killed themselves yet#I'm not saying they should I'm just saying I don't get how they're able to continue on#i see women on social media talking about how they had to cry for a day because they slept with a man they'd been seeing for a while and#then he never called again#no joke not trying to be dramatic I would just kill myself??? i do not understand how people can keep going after something like that#i mean I would never be in that situation because everything about it is bad but like. still#I hate to kind of agree with the 'women over 25 are too bitter for love' twitter man even in a very roundabout way#but i think men AND women participating in modern dating culture have to in some way become so hardened and kill some part of themself#just to survive??? that sounds so melodramatic but like. I can't understand how else people could continue to function as human beings#when they interact with each other in the way modern dating culture dictates
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new limited edition firefighter spacesuit hazmat itfs just dropped
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#itadori yuuji#fushiguro megumi#fanart#jjk fanart#yuuji#megumi#ignores the clock NICE 2 draws up in a day :)#needed smth quick n loose n easy after th behemoth tht was my last draws#these fits r.....something#i still do not like megumi's colour palette here but i think adding extra values n making his skin tone a bit less saturated helped#also toned down the orange#also fixed his hair >:( ily gege i respect u so much but pls....respectufully.... do a better job slicking back his hair........#anyway i realized midway through sketching tht the angle yuuji is at does Not show the majority of the belts around his hips n thighs#so i made some educated guesses but i do not claim 2 b an authority on Belt Placement#similarly ! guessed at the text on their jackets i Can Not Read#is it a 9? is it an S? lower case g? cyrillic/???? who can say i went with 9#and gun 2 my head i cld not tell u what R-<3-T-E stands for . if those r even the letters#oh well i tried my best not bad fr 6 hours
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