#some ancient musical with some kid singing or some shit

[front-facing-pokemon]

[mnemosyne-nyx]

✨ Bruce Wayne Headcanons that haunt me but I refuse to elaborate on even if they're utterly wrong ✨

1. Bruce can cook, but only when he's 100% focused. If there is anything going on around him like a feral child or he's going over some case in his head then something's catching fire.

2. He definitely was a theatre kid for the shortest span when a teenager. Have you met this man? Are you telling me he's never engaged in a single drama piece in his life? He was raised by literal-Shakespeare-actor Alfred pennyworth? My man Bruce can ACT. All his personas rely on it. So does his undercover work. I like to think he was in a amateur Shakespeare production one time just to surprise and make Alfred happy.

3. Tying in with the acting - Bruce is a master of disguise. With all the languages he speaks, identity shenanigans, cases that need inside info. Bruce can just morph into another person. But his abilities in disguise also means he can mimic people's mannerisms and accents easily. The idea of Bruce confusing the shit out of Clark by just perfectly emulating his country accent and then pretending nothing happened tickles me very much.

4. This idiot tilts his head ever so slightly like a confused dog when being bamboozled. Only People who know him closely recognise this but it's such a minute movement it's easy to miss. Any confusing story, perplexing stupidity or a little sprinkle of disbelief - boom head tilt. God help you if you get the head tilt and batglare combined. You've said the most ungodly, sinful, idiotic, offensive, seizure-inducing idea known to man.

5. He and Diana 100% gossip in other languages when on the watchtower . Both are polylinguals. It's also a learning space. Diana 100% teaches him Ancient Greek, Latin and forgotten languages while Bruce 100% teaches her alien dialects he's mastered.

6. My guy can sing. Ever since that silly lil' justice league episode I can't get this silly lil' headcanon out my head and it makes my lil' toesies curl. Gotham, though a hell scape, is a melting pot of culture and music. Opera, jazz, blues but also a strong underground Punk and techno scene. You'd be hard pressed to avoid music in Gotham. My guy just learned to sing through osmosis. Only a small handful of people know he can sing, though none have admitted that to Bruce.

7. Since this man is a sponge of knowledge, he just drops some of the most jaw-dropping, disturbing and unprompted facts then refuses to elaborate. Oliver Queen is just enjoying his ham sandwich only for "You know studies about cannibals say that human meat tastes very similar to pork." and Oliver is just !?!?!?!!?. The batfam are watching The Matrix and Bruce suddenly "The codes in this film are actually just Sushi recipes." and everyone does a perfect slow swivel to face this engima of a man.

Thank you for attending my tedtalk :)

[catmaidetho]

bands to listen to that arent lovejoy

hi, i just wanted to make this list for anyone who might be looking for something to replace any sudden voids in their music taste that lovejoy has left if they no longer wish to listen to the band.

the front bottoms - a classic, midwest emo staple. you already know "twin size mattress" and "lone star," i also recommend "lonely eyes," "camouflage," and "flashlight"

pinkshift - a fantastic band that leans way into punk and riot grrl. my favorite songs of theirs are "mars" and "burn the witch" :)

lincoln - another midwest emo/indie artist, his songs deal more heavily with mental health. (i cannot speak for "everything is wrong" as i've only heard the singles off it, but "a constant state of ohio" definitely touches on some dark shit.) "banks" goes hard

the toxhards - a bit more rock and roll, and also a bit goofier! you've heard aengus the prize winning hog, i also recommend "the coffee song," and "doombop!" but they have so few songs out that you can listen to everything at once

i dont know how but they found me (idkhow) - DO YOU LIKE WELL-CRAFTED LINES THAT ROLL OFF THE TONGUE WELL AND/OR HAVE A SATISFYINGLY SHARP BITE. DO YOU LIKE FUNKY BASSLINES. ARE YOU A HATER AND A LOVER AND ALSO A HATER. listen to idkhow. they just released an album last week and as one of their top 0.05% of listeners i cannot make a recommendation list without them. dallon weekes is my 42 y/o wife. listen to "do it all the time," "new invention," and "downside" to start, but i literally recommend their entire discography.

(if you like idkhow, also check out the brobecks, dallon weekes' band before idkhow from which he's taken at least two songs.)

the crane wives - do i need to tell you about the crane wives? this is an mcyt fandom. their songs deal with topics ranging from abuse (from both parties, the abuser and the abusee), adoption, getting mad at people on the internet, feeling like you're bad at life, and so much more, and it's all very beautifully written and sung. "the moon will sing" rips me to shreds every time, but also check out "volta," "nobody," "ancient history," and their latest single "the well"

some other bands i cannot reccomend any specifics from because im not big on them are los campensinos!, good kid, two door cinema club, and the hoosiers. they're very similar sonically, but beyond that i can't tell you more because i dont care that much.

[deedala]

🌱w e e k l y t a g w e d n e s d a y🌱

BIG THANKS @energievie for the game today!! and thanks for tagging me!! + @darlingian @mybrainismelted @lingy910y <333

Name: deanna

Age: noel-aged <3

Location: ohio (it exists) (or does it)

What's one of your go-to karaoke songs? Singing by yourself in the car or in the shower totally counts. what if i said kate bush's wuthering heights? hmm? what then??

If you had the power to control one of the four elements, which one would it be and why? water because i *would* become a blood bender and commit crimes

Think of one of your defining personality traits - which animal embodies it? i dunno...a tiny shivering dog that just looks like its at a 10/10 anxiety all the time

Are there any fan theories that have stuck with you? Think of the infamous "Scooby and the gang are all actually high" uuuuhhmmmm...whats the one about the old gods being somehow extremely connected to the ancient elvhen pantheon, the ones trapped somewhere between worlds. DA4 please we need you.

Name a movie you watched or a book you read as a kid that you were totally not supposed to watch/read at that age. okay can i actually cite the soundtrack to the musical Les Miserables? which i have known all the lyrics to since i was like 6 or 7 years old???

Name a food or drink that you totally hated as a kid and now you really like. hmm having a hard time thinking of like a real food but dark chocolate is for sure something

How about one you still hate? brussels sprouts

What's your least favourite chore? DUSTING for sure

Do you have one that you actually enjoy? i love folding a warm basket of towels straight out of the dryer, ooohhh so cozy

And to close it off, share a lyric or two that really resonate with you. I wish I was a mayfly on the River Tay I'd fit all my joys and my pleasures in one perfect day I wish I was the sunlight, just sitting on the Mississippi I'd settle for a shopping trolley in the Liffey

And now i shall tag some precious nuggets to play if you want and if not please consider this me giving you awkward finger-guns from across the room xoxo @too-schoolforcool @michellemisfit @mmmichyyy @juliakayyy @iansw0rld @heymacy @heymrspatel @gallawitchxx @metalheadmickey @mickeysgaymom @softmick @sam-loves-seb @themarchg1rl @loftec @the-rat-wins @crossmydna @vintagelacerosette @palepinkgoat @sleepyfacetoughguy @whatwouldmickeydo @transmickey @tanktopgallavich @sickness-health-all-that-shit @rereadanon @thisdivorce @lee-ow @jrooc @gardenerian @callivich 💖💖💖

[damallarky]

Ok. So I got my Rook’s backstory planned out guys.

His name is Renan. He’s a Mage and a traveling musician who busks in and around Minrathous. Rook is his stage name.

He is the brother of my canon Inquisitor, Aisling Lavellan. There are five siblings in total. Ren is the oldest, and Aisling is the middle child.

His surname isn’t Lavellan, though. Gotta see what the names are in DA:V.

More under the cut!

His father was a former circle mage and his mother was a Dalish hunter.

Morag, Ren’s father, was part of a team of four mages given special permission from their circle to study ancient elven ruins to “further enhance Chantry understanding of Thedas and its history.” Jokes on them because the four Templars that were assigned to babysit the group were all mage sympathizers (one was in a relationship with one of the mages in the group, one had a mage sister who he cared about deeply, the youngest Templar was a good friend of Morag's and the last one just didn't care lol) so they basically let him get married and have kids while he was still technically doing what he set out to do.

The family traveled a lot from ruin to ruin. At some point, the group is called back to return to the Circle, but everyone decides to lie and say Morag "died" so he can stay with his family.

The good times don't last, though. Eventually, word gets out that there is an apostate running around, and Templars are sent to bring Morag back. During the process, their parents are killed, and the kids get separated, with Ren being caught by slavers and sold to Tevinter and the rest of his siblings being adopted into Clan Lavellan.

(Consequently, the reason Aisling begged to go to the conclave was because she was hoping she’d find Ren there, not realizing he never made it to a circle.)

Ren spends four years as a slave. His master's wife notices that he has a lovely singing voice and a talent for music, so she teaches him how to play the lute, harp, harpsichord, flute, and anything else she wants him to. He enjoys it because he loves music, but he knows that he is basically being kept as a pet to show off when the mood strikes.

(This is also when he meets the spirit Hope, who ends up taking the form of a Rook. She is also the inspiration behind Ren's stage name.)

At seventeen, he had a clandestine affair with his master's daughter, who was the same age as him. I think they were friends, and they cared about each other, but their relationship was more about teenage lust and Ren's cockiness than anything else. There was also maybe a little bit of a power imbalance that Ren doesn't really consider until much, much later in life. When his master's wife finds out, she is furious and orders Ren whipped within an inch of his life. He probably would have died had the daughter not begged her father to intervene. Ren is sent off to work with the rest of the household slaves. The other slaves were delighted to learn that the golden boy wasn't so golden after all, and they made his life hell.

Nine months later, Ren is summoned by his master. He learns that he has gotten his master's daughter pregnant. On her request, Ren is given his freedom on the condition that he takes the child (a boy) and never speaks a word of it to anyone.

He accepts and leaves a free man. He names his son Morag, Mor for short, after his father.

Except now he's a kid with a kid, with no money and nowhere to go in a country that actively treats his people like chattel. He's scared, and as a result, he does many things he is not proud of, things that he ends up regretting later in life, like drinking heavily and not being as good of a father to Mor as he should have been.

To support himself and his son, Ren becomes a musician and plays at bars and brothels, wherever he can get work. While busking, he meets an elven woman named Leena. Their relationship is difficult at first, but eventually, Ren decides to get his shit together, and the two eventually fall in love.

They get married, and after a while, they have their daughter, Esana. At some point, they both join the Shadow Dragons. During a mission, Leena is badly wounded and later dies of an infection. This almost causes Ren to fall off the bandwagon and back into his addiction. He, through great effort, manages to stop himself for the sake of his children who need him. The withdrawals were horrible, and it was one of the hardest things he ever had to do, but he did it because he loves his kids so much, and he wants to be a good father to them.

This is why he only drinks water, juice, or wine occasionally.

He still works for the Shadow Dragons, and now his son is beginning to work for them, too, despite the fact that Ren would rather he not put himself in danger.

More Facts

Ren is either 36 or 38, depending on how long it's been since Inquisition.

That would make Mor either 19 or 21.

Whatever the case, Esana is 13.

Mor is a mage like both of his parents. He fights more like a rogue, however. Veil ranger perhaps?

Esana's magic hasn't awakened (yet) but recently she has been having nightmares of monsters wanting her to "let them in".

Ren is a Dreamer like his father! He finds the Fade slightly annoying.

Mor was originally going to be revealed later in my Rook's story, which is why he didn't show up in my Rook's prologue fic.

Ren uses humor so he doesn't have to think about his emotions. It drives Hope nuts.

Hope is the GOAT of the bunch. Mor probably wouldn't have survived to young adulthood had it not been for Hope.

Hope is still relatively new to the whole "not being an actual spirit" thing. Like Cole, she still feels fairly compelled to provide hope to those who need it. Except now, she also eats mice and steals shiny things.

Esana unfortunately inherited her father's lack of self-preservation.

Esana and Mor are close despite their age difference. Mor is the best big brother.

Ren and Solas are going to drive each other insane. Especially once it's revealed just who the Inquisitor is. Ren and Solas will eventually find they have a lot in common and will both help each other heal in the end.

Idk where it will go in the actual game, but for now, I'm deciding that Ren and Solas will become very dear to one another. Bestie-in-Laws.

The family sitcom is called My Brother-in-Law the Dread Wolf.

Ren is very jealous of Solas's Dread Wolf form. Solas delights in this fact.

I also do not know who Ren is going to romance. I have never struggled so hard to make that choice.

[tswwwit]

Have a short thing of pointless fluffy bullshit, brought to you by mindlessly going through radio stations while bored and driving.

Dipper catches sight of yellow in the corner of his eye, and starts glaring. 

Being caught singing to himself isn’t the worst. Bill’s seen that before, teased him about it before no less - but this time? 

This time, he’s not going to get as far as he thinks. 

Before Bill can start, he points his toothbrush at his stupid grinning face in the reflection. “Don’t even start.” 

“Aw, sapling, look at you! What a massive nerd.” Bill spreads his arms wide, stalking forward. Dipper makes a noncommittal grunt, brushing his teeth again as Bill moves in for the kill. “You weren’t even born when that song came out, and you know it by heart! What’d ya do, wear out Stanley’s old record player in your moodier teen years?” 

Augh, Dipper hates it when Bill’s… insightful. Living in the middle of nowhere with spotty internet, the easiest way to get music was by digging through Stan’s old collection. 

Anyway, Bill’s taken the wrong tactic. BABBA kind of rules, and Bill’s taste in music - when it’s not way weirder-  is way older. 

“Ha! Knew it. It figures.” Bill tsks, shaking his head at Dipper in the mirror. “You gotta get out in the world more, kid. Spend less time with some outta touch old man.”

“You can say that again.” Dipper mutters, through foam and brush alike. He spits in the sink, wiping his mouth while his ancient, immortal demon husband makes a face behind him.

“Rude,” Bill responds. He didn’t miss the double-talk; if anything he’s grinning wider. He’s also wrapped his arms around Dipper’s waist, just above the towel. “I’m way more in touch than anyone else you know.”

Technically correct. If you’re into multi-layered conversations. Dipper rolls his eyes anyway. 

“I mean it. Don’t. Start.” Dipper jabs the real Bill in the chin with the toothbrush, watching his nose wrinkle up at the foam on his chin. “You’re playing with fire, Bill. I’ll use it.”

“Oh?” The smile is, if anything, more smug. “Go on!”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Why not?” Bill rests his chin in Dipper’s hair, thus sharing the mess. “Go for it, sapling. Let’s see this-”

Dipper doesn’t wait for Bill to finish his taunt. He’s already snagged his phone from the bathroom counter, scrolling through for his perfect retort. 

God, he was hoping Bill would open with that, and he has. Now Dipper can use his secret weapon.

“Aha!” Dipper turns around in Bill’s arms, brandishing his evidence right in Bill’s face. “Take that, asshole.”

Bill leans back a bit, eye squinted to get a better look. Dipper guesses he was holding it a little too close.  

He takes a second to focus on what Dipper's showing him - then gasps.

“Why, Pine Tree!” Bill exclaims. He sounds scandalized, which is great. And… delighted. Which isn’t really what Dipper was aiming for. “Going around snapping creepy pics of the biggest demon celebs, huh? A real paparazzo.” Bill clasps a palm to his cheek, fluttering his eyelashes. “You pervert.”

“I- What?” Alarmed, Dipper checks the picture he took again. 

Shit, right. He had a towel on for his show - but Bill didn’t. 

Dipper was so proud of his find, and so used to Bill, that he simply didn’t take it into account. If Bill wasn’t half-turned away in the shot, it’d be completely indecent.

“Okay, shut up. That’s not the point.” And there's another one of those to make - “And we’re married, anyway.”

“How many of these have you got around, huh? A dozen? A hundred?” Bill leans in again, grinning wide. Dipper feels himself turning red, he doesn’t - this was - “Been waiting for me in some tight pants to get a better view of the outline?” The smugness is palpable; Bill’s implying so, so much that’s wrong, and he revels in it. “Lemme know if you need a model for your next-”

“I can hear you in the shower just as well as you hear me,” Dipper interrupts, before Bill can completely change the topic. Though he has to admit, it was a nice try. “I’m not the only one serenading himself, am I?”

Bill’s jaw shuts with a click, and a little huff. Looking annoyed, now that Dipper’s re-railed their conversation.

“I caught you,” Dipper feels a triumphant smile building, he tugs Bill closer by his tie. Let him try and escape now.  “Singing pop songs in the shower.”

“Ugh. Sure I was, what’s your point?” Bill shrugs, nonchalant. It’s almost like it barely affects him. “I’ll serenade whoever I like, and lemme tell ya - never met an ungrateful audience for long.”

“Oh yeah? In your own words - ” Dipper tangles his fingers around the tie, smiling now - “What a massive nerd.”

Bill’s nose scrunches up. His eye is narrowed; he’s leaned in close enough to cage Dipper against the sink. 

Not that it matters. Dipper’s won this round.

“Takes one to know one, Bill.” Dipper jabs his idiot husband in the chest, with no small amount of pride.  “You can’t make fun of me when you do the exact same thing.” 

“Sure I can!” 

“What?” Dipper gives him a little push, annoyed. Bill certainly doesn’t look like he’s lost; he’d hoped this would deter him longer.

“‘Cause you get embarrassed about your little bathtime ballads.” Bill pats Dipper’s sides, looking pleased. “Have you seen the colors you turn? Look in the mirror sometime, kid. No way I’m missing out on those.” 

Ugh. Of course. Stupid Bill; Dipper didn’t think this would stop the teasing, necessarily, but he’d hoped it’d buy him more time. Guess he’s got more of this to look forward to, Bill’s impossibly persistent and he never gives up when he spots a good time to be had.

He turns back around, rolling his eyes. “I need to shave.” Behind him, Bill grins, wide and insane - a bright flash, as a straight razor appears in his hand - “Back off, Sweeney Todd, I’ll do it myself.”

Bill sticks out his tongue, but settles down. He leans up against Dipper’s back as he shaves, eye looking off into the distance as he contemplates something. 

Maybe Dipper’s going to hear an earful about this every time Bill catches him - but really. Joke’s on Bill, this time. If he thinks he’s gotten away scot free, he’s got another thing coming. 

Bill says he’s not embarrassed about singing in the bath? Well. Dipper has some choice commentary to make about his taste in music. They’ll see who’s turning colors when Dipper teases him right back. 

“So! You doing anything this evening?” Dipper glances at him in the mirror again. Bill’s wearing a delighted smile on his face. Like he’s just had an excellent idea, and he’s altogether too pleased with himself. “Just saying, I know a great karaoke bar on the other side of  the solar system. Huge playlist. Great drinks! And it’s been a while since I hit up the place.”

Dipper wipes his face, thinking for a moment. Sure, he wasn’t really doing anything. Bill’s warm and close, fingers tapping on his stomach and bouncing slightly on his heels. Waiting for an answer. 

“Well, kid? You coming?”

Dipper sighs, and despite himself, starts to smile. 

Okay. Maybe he’ll let Bill’s bad taste in music slide for the evening. There’ll be plenty of chances to tease later, and he can’t pick every song.

Who knows? Maybe they’ll find something terrible they both like. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Yeah, alright. Why not.” Dipper relents, and watches Bill beam at him. Feeling squeezed tight, and hearing him start to cackle. He cups a hand over Bill’s, meeting his eye in the mirror. “It’s a date.”

[msviolacea]

Some nights, you just need to go find a playlist of the absolute cheesiest most embarrassing light rock music from your childhood and revel in it. Like, not top 40 pop, the shit you'd hear Delilah play on the easy listening station when your mom wouldn't let you change the radio in the car.

(I'm tempted to make a poll asking how many people understand the previous sentence, but I'm afraid it would just make me feel even more ancient than I am.)

I don't know, sometimes it's just a comfort to listen to Steve Winwood and Taylor Dayne for a while and feel like a kid sitting in the backseat singing along even though you SWEAR you hate this song, no really mom, can't we listen to KHTR??

[nintendoduo]

Playing the Super Nintendo's Forgotten Home-Made RPGs of the '90s (Part 2)

Continuing our look at that brief period in human history when people were creating RPG Maker games on the SNES and posting them to the ancient internet (1998-1998). So far, we've seen four-armed gangstas, a turd-infested dungeon, characters randomly disappearing or turning into other characters, and so, so many instances of the words "talk to the king." Check out Part 1 here or over at Dreamwidth, because Tumblr has been a dick about letting logged-out people read posts lately.

Note: These games can be downloaded at archive.org or rmarchiv.de (or archive.org's archived version of rmarchiv.de, if it goes offline again).

"Ductarr: The Rise of Rebellion" by j0e f0lts (05-20-1998)

Original description: The young mage Eoj Stole tries to recover clues to his fathers mysterious death that leads to a global adventure.

This one has an opening text crawl! Fancy. Sure, two out of the five words in the title are misspelled, but the effort is appreciated.

Sadly, the main character isn't a problematic music conductor named Lydia Ducktár but a guy by the equally bizarre name of Eoj Stole. Eoj is a "troubled young mage" who enjoys standing on tall mountains and taking psychedelic drugs, based on the trippy light show that ensues after the intro crawl is over.

We're told that Eoj is thinking back to "the events that took place just days ago." Then he says "It all began when I was only 8 years old." Does that mean he was only 8 years old a few days ago? Is this another game starring a swole adult-sized little kid? Either way, we then flash back to little Eoj being late to some sort of church event, but can you blame him? He's 8!

Then we find out that the thing he's late for is his dad's funeral. So yes, you can and should blame him.

(Is the mom sobbing or insulting her son/herself?)

The priest says that Eoj's dad was "a master of the magic arts," but evidently not that much of a master if he's dead now. After lots of singing in another language (meaning a single caption that says "lots of singing in another language") the priest abruptly announces that the funeral is over. He probably needed the church for bingo night or something.

We cut to ten years later, when Eoj has just turned 18. His mom celebrates this important milestone by kicking him out of the house as soon as he wakes up.

But don't worry: you can still sleep in your old room... if you pay your mom, because she spent no time in turning that shit into an Airbnb.

"Resting is important! But you know what's even more important? Paying up, motherfucker."

Your mom is at least kind enough to let you ransack the treasure chests in the basement before you leave. She also tells you to "go visit your father," which could be a polite way of telling you to go to hell. If you take that in a more literal sense and stop by your dad's tomb, your clumsy ass somehow causes the hilt of his sword to fall off and you notice a letter inside. The letter reads:

(Note that there's no closing quote mark, which means that technically all of the rest of the text in this game is part of the letter.)

Eoj takes these semi-nonsensical words to mean that there might be a clue to his dad's mysterious death at a place called Moi Island, so he decides to head there. He also decides to steal his dead dad's sword, possibly so that his mom won't notice he broke it and charge him for it. You get to try out the broken sword pretty fast, since as soon as you step out of the safety of Eoj's town, you're attacked by adult mutant warrior dogs. Luckily, they may look intimidating but they only deal 2 damage, the puny little bitches.

Getting to Moi Island involves going through a place called "Slime Cave," which is full of treasure chests. Treasure chests... full of slime? Nope, some are empty but others actually have useful items and money in them, which is a nice surprise (unless you're a big slime enthusiast). After exploring for a bit, you come across a blue M&M-looking creature called "Meanie" sitting on a throne, who immediately proves his name right by delivering a Tarzan-like death threat:

You're then thrown into a fight you can't back out from. If you defeat the Blue Meanie (don't let the Beatles' lawyers hear about this game), he says "You no more treasure! Unn......." and disappears, as does every single treasure chest in the cave, including the ones you haven't gotten to. Hope there wasn't anything important there! Apparently, the correct course of action was to ignore the blue blob sitting on a throne and just continue pillaging the chests.

Next, you take the stairs to exit the cave, only to realize that you've exited the game itself too, since this is the end of the demo. And we never even met Duck Tár (woo-oo).

A final message from the developer prompts us to check the KanjiHack website for the finished version of the game (just checked; still nothing) and asks that you "E MAIL ME AT THERE PAGE W/FEEDBACK." He also informs us that "THIS IS MADE BY JOE YOU CAN NOT USE THIS WITH OUT MY PERMISSION." Uh, please don't sue us for screenshotting your game 26 years in the future, Joe.

"Evilion" by Shadowtext (05-21-1998)

Original description: Two young people set off to restore peace to the world.

You start with two characters in the middle of a map, right next to a castle. Hmm, wonder what you're supposed to do in there.

It was "talk to the king"! Never could have guessed it. Once you do so, he asks you "How fared your adventure?" What adventure?! We just started playing. Your character, Karel, replies that monsters are planning to "destroy everything," which in the king's opinion is "terrible news!" He commands you and your friend, Ochal, to go to a place in the south called Oderell. Guess the king also had to go somewhere really bad, because as soon as he finishes saying that, he vanishes. (That, or this is a Tyler Durden-type situation and you were talking to yourself.)

If you head south from the castle, you run into a town called Ojarel. You might think that the dev forgot how to spell "Oderell," but no: if you talk to one of the town's residents, he tells you that Oderell is to the west. So, you go to the town's west exit and...

...oh, whoops, that's not an exit, is just a dead end, haha. Okay, let's go out the way we came in. Except...

...that's a dead end now, too. So is the town's only other exit-looking path. It's at this point that you notice that every shop in this town is eerily empty. I-Is this some sort of psychological horror game?

Other than the guy who gives you directions, the only other residents in the town are a little girl who tells you she owns the forest and a woman who claims that "even though our town is small, we are happy." They are both exactly as convincing.

"And now you'll be happy too. Forever."

The only way to exit the exit-less town is to abort this cursed timeline and go back to an earlier save state (good thing you've probably saved like twenty times in these 5 minutes of gameplay because this game tends to crash a lot during enemy encounters). Doing so lets you reach a town to the west that's probably Oderell, but we don't know for sure due to the shocking lack of signage in this kingdom.

Oderell has 66.6% as many residents as Ojarel, meaning two people: a guy who tells you about "five magi" who defeated the "evil horde" that once attacked this town (unrelated to the evil horde promised at the start of the game, which hasn't shown up yet) and another guy who promises to sail you anywhere if you defeat "the monster in the sea." That monster turns out to be a dragon called "Serpent," who has insta-kill attacks and seems unbeatable unless you're cheating by using dev mode to deal 9999 damage each time. Good thing you're doing that, then.

After defeating the dragon/serpent, a text box tells you that "Ochal and Karal faint in the crashing sea" and everything goes black. Apparently the excitement of defeating their first boss was too much for them and they died on the spot anyway. There's no "END OF DEMO" or implied threats of legal action in this one, just an empty void at the end of it all, so in that sense this is the most realistic game so far. At least the next game couldn't possibly be lazier than this one.

"Alamar" by Tim Maj (05-22-1998)

Original description: A boy sets out on a mysterious quest to destroy evil and avenge his parents with a magical sword.

This one drops you in the middle of a castle, with no preambles or explanation, and trusts that you'll find your way to talk to the king without any hand-holding. It's always nice when a game respects your intelligence like that. So you walk up to the king and... oh.

No king. No gods either, presumably. No nothing, in fact, because this whole castle's empty and there are no exits, again. There's nothing to do in this game... unless you reset it and load the mysterious save file that comes included with it, which spawns you outside the castle with no doors. Can you guess what's out there?

If you guessed "more nothing," you are correct. Just empty fields with no towns or even a single dog person to beat up. Peeking under the hood reveals that the dev spent some time making attacks and spells, but no time whatsoever placing enemies to use them on. Does this qualify as an early example of one of those artsy "walking simulator" games where nothing happens? You were ahead of your time, Tim Maj.

"The Dragoner" by Wing (05-24-1998)

Original description: A knight embarks on a quest to reclaim the world for humans.

You start next to two guards who call you "captain" and wish you a good day. At this point in the game it's fun to go back and forth between the two, imagining they're getting louder and louder each time to try to out-"good day" the other.

That door up there leads to the interior of the castle, most of which seems to be off-limits to you. If you try to go through any more doors, you're emphatically informed that there's "no enterance" because they lead to the king and princess' rooms and they are "pravate." How are you supposed to go talk to the king if you can't even see him?!

What you can do is go down some stairs, which leads to a hall where you meet... the king? Wasn't he just yelling at you from his room? Does he have a slide pole in there leading directly to the throne?

The king tells you that "this city was built on an island in the center of the world," which suggests that he had his door locked because he was getting baked. There used to be a portal connecting the city to the rest of the world, the king claims, but it was sealed off when said world was destroyed by "an evil sprite." Now that portal has become un-sealed, for some reason, but fear not: the king already sent Jenny the Sorceress to find the cause of this "anomany."

(Obviously that's a misspelling of "anomancy," meaning the art of reading one's future via the wrinkles in your butthole.)

The king sends you off to find Jenny and help her in her mission. Before that, you can stop by the shop outside the castle and buy weapons from a guy named Raymond, who assures you that he only sells "good weapons, unlike Tony." You could technically buy weapons from Tony, too, if for some reason you like owning dogshit weapons.

Since you can't afford Raymond's weapons at this point, you elect to go fight monsters with your bare hands rather than bear the social stigma of using Tony weapons. Oh, you can also stop by the "discount store," but before you can even browse, the attendant tells you "Umm... you can't afford to buy anything." Some discount store.

Having stocked up (on nothing), you can go to that portal the king mentioned, where you meet the good sprite Cathine, who seems to be a sort of door lady or bouncer for this mystical pathway. Before letting you go through the portal, Cathine tells you, unprompted, that "only the dragon and its rider can save the world" and that "you are the dragoner." Based on your reaction, this is all news to you.

Cathine gives you a key and tells you to "go search for the dragon" so that "one day, the earth will be alive again!" If you have no clue WTF any of that means, don't worry, neither does your character.

Cathine vanishes without really explaining much. With nothing else to do, you go through the damn portal, at last, and reach... another empty field with no enemies and nothing to do. Wait, is this a crossover with the previous game?

Alternatively, you can take this to mean that Jenny the Sorceress destroyed all the monsters and brought peace to the land while you were busy not buying weapons and talking to possibly high people. Mission accomplished!

That's it for Part 2 of this series. Coming in Part 3: games that actually take more than 5 minutes to play through! (In fact, we had to stop here because the next one requires more screenshots than Tumblr will allow in this post.)

[spotsupstuff]

i was kinda slacking with art last night, taking a lil surprise break i guess, but here's some stuff i wrote down about Sparrows for myself to clear my idea of her up a little better

Positive traits: • physical strength. can pick up quite a lot of stuff without much sweat. an Iterator puppet on her back while the umbilical arm is pressing down is a little out of her range of capabilities tho. that red asshole. • capable of wielding weapons such as spears, swords and guns (in the name of protecting the farmlands against the fauna). and then farm tools As weapons. she is a very formidable opponent to big ass bugs with a shovel in the ring • very empathetic → this ends up with her viewing the Iterators more as people than most Ancients in her lifetime. it creates her main character goal/motivation in life: helping them be happy (or at least, Euros and the other two constructed Anemoi. since she's too quiet about it to make an actual lasting impact on the bigger scale) • very nice singing voice, can keep up rhythms. her education on That is rooted in the family getting together and singing folk songs and such. this is where she picked up guitar. violin/fiddle happened in school to help her destress

Negative traits: • helpless introvert. unless she gets to know a person in an easy manner, she will be incredibly awkward around them. professional work meetings with Ales' Houses are always a fucking nightmare. Boreas is a good example of her getting to know someone in an actually pretty easy way! the whole rivalry- throwing middle fingers at overseers and the closing of doors in her face- made her actually comfortable with the guy (much to Boreas' dismay). it reminded her of playfights she grew up with back home. this is why she is able to bark at him even when she's scared of him • extremely low self-worth/self-esteem as result of the class system. her position forced her to think of herself as expendable • she worries a lot about being good to those she loves. while that isn't normally bad, she is willing to offer herself up in ways that is... Uncomfortable and Concerning. she overthinks the stuff. • doesn't have the spark of a fight (unless it's against like. animals). she's more likely to take the bullying and injustice than defend herself. she got bullied a lot in school

Interests/what she likes: • movies, she likes making references to them. much to Euros' dismay • she fuckin LOVES instant noodles. ate a shit ton in the techie school during test months and now she's fucked up about them • really enjoys listening to Euros telling her about what it's like to be an Iterator and the silently evolving Iterator culture • genuinely enjoys tinkering away on things. that's how she ended up with a pair of five fingered Iterator hands on her table. that and Euros' sad look when he realized he can't join her in her enjoyment of musical instruments

Misc.:

• Sparrows is the kind of person to give a soft kiss to her mom's cheek before going anywhere. she helps out in the kitchen and plays with her smallest siblings to give her mom n granda a break. she isn't the oldest kid in the family, probably like... 2nd or 3rd oldest (out of like bopping 10), but she wants to be responsible and make "the time it took to raise her worth it". is gentle and loving with her granda, but isn't afraid to glare at him with hands on her hips when he's being mean out of conservative mindset • she has no idea what to think of her late father. she chooses to love him and look after his grave when she's around just because she was raised with kindness and because mom still looks sadly and longingly at the thing • most of all her farm array district's denizens know each other very closely. they are either dear friends or feel very family-like. so Sparrows isn't socially awkward there at all. this place took "it takes a village to raise a child" to heart • very good with children! she often approaches the distressed ones in the village when the parents can't figure out how to calm them down themselves and talks with them/plays a little/explains things to them. at least One time she hurriedly stopped a kid from taking off "that itchy nasty" rebreather mask by holding their hands, explaining why that is dangerous and when the kid was on the verge of tears, she picked them up and spun around with them until they started feeling better • she doesn't really think of the lower circles' lifestyle as unfair. maybe that is just a coping mechanism- being blind to it while she lives there. having a scarred back because of Raindrops won't scare her as much if she just accepts it as the norm • her shortness bothers her • dying scares her even though she knows she will wake up the next day. even after she dies for the first time (in Zephyr's insides), she's still terrified of it and never really grows numb to it. still, her lacking self-worth means she's very self-sacrificial • she doesn't hold it back when she needs to cry. even when she tries to though she kind of sucks at it • got her name when her mom stepped outside while holding the freshly born her during a misty morning. three sparrows (whatevs would the RW variants look like) sat on a wire, chirping away, painted in shy light of the few sunbeams that made it thru the fog. Sparrows herself added the second half of her name later when she picked up the guitar, but prefers it when she's only called Three Sparrows or Sparrows. she loves the name given to her by mom a lot • she fumbles with stuff a lot and might come off as clumsy. this almost entirely disappears when she goes off to work on Iterator related stuff. oh the power of hyperfixation. she becomes a problem solving Beast. Sparrows in sysadmin mode is incredible • unlike Euros, she doesn't actually mind techno and other modern music stuff at all! actually listens to it often while working away at him • once she found a good song with rhythm that matched Euros' thunderous heartbeats and one day when she went to check over his heart, she played it with the intention to have the heartbeats as an outside bassboost. she jammed out quite a Bit. as a Phone Operator, Euros picked it up and got all pissy about it. he frowned at her with crossed arms for the rest of the damn day • dear heavens above she SUCKS at the whole religion thing so badly. she isn't even sinful on purpose a large amount of time, she just don't click with it • i think like every sin is mentioned in here being committed by her Except the second one. so the burning question: has she fucked with the funny calculator? yes. yes she has. they are both very smart and figured stuff out. this is as much as anyone's gettin about the second sin committing for them, from me, on Tumblr Dot Com

[amorhedera6]

no scratch my battle of the bands au lemonade mouth nerdy prudes au!!!!!!!!!!!!!

steph is charlie, our drummer. she’s under a lot of pressure from her dad to do the right thing, be the right person. he’s had her on the soccer team her whole life, even though she fucking hates it. she’s played drums since she was a kid, when a music teacher caught her adhd ten miles away and suggested using the sticks to stim. it’s her passion, but her dad doesn’t give a shit.

ruth is stella, lead guitar. her family just moved for her dad’s job, and her mom is pressuring her to be more behaved at a new school. she’s never fit in with her family’s traditional values, the young housewife, concerningly older husband, five kids, stay at home mom, purity, misogynistic shit. her parents refused to buy her a guitar so she slowly stole from her brothers allowance for years until she had enough to buy her own.

richie is wen, keyboardist. he learned to play classical piano as a kid with his mom, but he hasn’t played ever since his dad died a few years ago. he’s still dealing with his grief but his mother as figured out how to manage hers and found a new boyfriend, and he’s not dealing with it well.

grace is mo, the bassist. she comes from a very strict christian family, who would never let her play music like that. she plays the chello in the school orchestra, aces all her classes, everything. she’s scared to deviate from her family’s plan for her. not because she doesn’t believe in god, but because she wants to be a regular american teenager.

which leaves peter as olivia, our lead singer. he was in dance classes a kid and had an absolute breakdown freak out of stage at a school dance recital, which left him relentlessly bullied his whole life. he writes music as an escape but would never consider singing for anyone else. he’s got severe performance anxiety. he lives with his older brother, and has since he transitioned at 11 and his parents threw him out. recently, his mom has been trying to get back in touch with him.

the rival band of mudslide crush becomes jäeger and the man, with max in the lead. kyle and jason are back up, and the three are all also football stars, making for rulers of the school. jason has been flirting with grace semi-innocently (for the standards of anyone but her) for a little while, and she’s going along with it bc she’s having a crisis of self.

on ruth’s first day, she gets in trouble for calling the principal a sexist motherfucker. the same day, steph loses her cool and chucks a soccer ball at the head of a girl who was bullying hannah foster, the only freshman who made it on the varsity team. jason keeps grace in the hallway after the bell rings to try and ask her out, but she freaks out and gets caught in the hall running away from him. richie called a teacher stupid. peter gets caught having lunch in a custodial closet.

which leads all of them to detention. the music room they are sentences to has an ancient rickety lemonade machine just outside. a can for a quarter: ziggy’s lemonade.

the music teacher, miss holiday, is running their detention and leaves them with cleaning suppies and a room full of instruments. steph starts drumming on the desk, and richie tosses around some keys he’s putting away. ruth recognizes a rhythm between the two, domino effect, and they start playing some of the instruments. steph sits at the drums, and ruth picks up a guitar. richie and grace are both hesitant, richie for having not played in a while and grace for not wanting to get in any more trouble than she needs to, but they both join. they make a nice beat and peter finds himself singing in front of someone other than ted since he was a kid.

miss holiday returns and tells them they are a fantastic band, which leads them to all scatter and i is it they aren’t even really musicians. she pushes them to consider trying out for the rising star competition at the honey festival. they all deny, but ruth pushes them to give it a try.

they do so, but it doesn’t work out immediately. it takes them a little time to find their sound, but boy do they find it. ruth signs up to perform at homecoming, splitting the show time of jäeger and the man in half. they’re pissed, and max starts terrorizing them. they all band together to stand up for each other, and steph ends up spitting some of her lemonade at max when he’s attacking pete, and he calls her “lemonade mouth”

not great as far as insults, but band names? it’s one of the best.

they’re scheduled to perform at homecoming, but peter has a panic attack and locks himself in a bathroom stall. they coax him out and they do perform, to so much cheering. they sing a song that peter wrote (determinate) and get halfway through a song with ruth’s lyrics about rebellion and shit when the principal shuts them down.

everyone fucking loved them though. there was a kid who recorded the set and made it into a cd, which sells like crazy. at one point richie peter and ruth are hanging out at peters apartment and hear their song on the radio. they call steph and grace and all get so excited, and then get offered a standing once a week set at pizza pete’s.

everything’s going well, and they even think they might win rising star, when it all falls apart for them separately. richie finds out his mom is engaged and loses his mind, tries to run out of the house, and runs directly into max. he provoked him and comes out with a black eye. steph breaks some of her fingers in a fit of frustration (slammed them in drawers she was slamming on accident). grace gets super sick just before the competitions and ruth is more concerned with the fact that the lemonade machine is being removed than the competition.

pete suggests to steph maybe just giving up, and she gets mad at him for not caring. he says he never even wanted to do this, and when she asks why, he yells at her that’s it’s because he’s been into her for years. he loses his voice in the process and goes home. ruth calls them all to come protest the removal the ziggy’s machine, which gets them all arrested.

steph’s dad is pissed, ted thinks it’s hilarious, richie’s mom and him have a heart to heart about emotions and being a teenager, ruth gets saved when her older brother picks her up instead of her parents. grace is in real trouble, but confronts her parents about how being reckless and having fun with friends doesn’t mean she hates god. she can be a christian and still have a life, and they agree.

the rising star competition is a joke, max’s band kills it, and they can’t even really perform. but they try, and when they fail, hannah foster in the crowd stands up and starts singing determinate. everyone joins her, even doing the dance that they preform with it. they’re a real band, even if they didn’t win rising star.

they keep playing at pizza petes for a while, all the while writing songs. steph and pete get together, and grace realizes she’s aromantic. ruth gets a gf who’s a fan of the band, richie finally gets the courage to ask out long time crush, trevor, who works at the cineplex. richie’s mom marries her boyfriend, where steph finds herself, on total coincidence, sat next to ziggs.

ziggs is the friend of the girlfriend of richie’s uncle, which somehow led to an invite to the wedding. they talk to steph about a lot, including the band. the group talks them into donating a shit ton of money to the school to save the arts department.

while continuing on and preforming, they get found and offered a record deal. they make an album and release it just as they finish high school. it goes absolutely viral. they shoot ip the charts and make so much money. in less than a year of the band being formed, they’re selling a sold out show to madison square garden.

peter writes a letter to his mom explaining how it all happened, and explaining that he appreciates the attempt but has no desire to stay in contact with her. they he goes to msg and performs his music with his people.

[bitegore]

Top 5 song to have a break down to plz?

In no particular order, and due to my own particular flavor of brain stuff:

"From Now On We Are Enemies" by Fall Out Boy This is an older breakdown song for me that someone else reintroduced me to recently! Back in the ancient days of yore, when I was a younger and less functional beastie, I wanted to be really good at everything I did not for attention (though that was in there too) but so that I could die at 25 and not be immediately forgotten by the rest of the world. Reasonable ass goal, of course. I was also, like, in the gifted-kid track for academics and winning awards for my art locally and playing instruments and singing music and stuff and I was just old enough that some of my peers also started doing that and doing better than me. Felt kind of bad, as you would imagine; like I was being upstaged. Anyway, this song is about one of Mozart's peers, a fellow composer, wishing bitterly to be better than Mozart despite the fact that Mozart was essentially a child prodigy and this peer was like... less of a prodigy. Something about losing the spotlight and falling behind and never ever catching up just gets to me. I feel like some of us can relate.

So Long Sentiment by Celldweller - Nightcore Remix It's got to be the nightcore; for some reason the OG never hits me. I have no idea why this one gets to me since I'm not allowed to read those particular processes but they sure exist. I bawl my eyes out to this song every time I get a weird desire to put it on. Immediately after this song in the playlist I listen to it on is HHGREG PANASONIC BLU RAY 99 DOLLARS. This is like not a normal amount of tonal whiplash, but it's really funny to be sobbing like a baby while HHGREG PANASONIC BLU RAY 99 DOLLARS plays in the background so I haven't changed it yet.

Black Honey by Thrice "I fucked up and I'm so fucking stupid about this shit that I'm gonna do it again on purpose and be surprised at the consequences staying the same or increasing," the song. excellent at kneecapping me whenever i damage or destroy a thing I own that I need to avoid doing that to, which happens about once a week. Plus it's like a really good Motormaster song. It's so that guy.

Anchor by Thank You Scientist Glad to see that instead of dealing with life being hard, you've decided to lay down and die; can I interest you in some music about that then? This song makes me want to swallow shards of broken glass and I mean that in a good way but, like, damn. > "This punishment doesn't fit the crime > Torture, without change > More of the same > Stop closing open doors > Cancel my tomorrow > Got no chance > Finding comfort in denial > Got used to the mess" > "Sorry, I can't take it anymore, I swear > I swear this time I'm getting back to good > When will I > Wake up > Will I ever learn > It's just the same old story > Same old ball and chain" Like. Augh. Stoppit. Fuck off. Who said you could say this to me.

Nobody Praying For Me by Seether listen it's really hard to take yourself seriously listening to this song but it's also so dramatic and self-efficacing at the same time that it's good for sort of snapping you out of it while not making you feel like you're being forced to remember that it doesnt matter, since that doesn't help. but like > "Cause if I stand up, I break my bones > And everybody loves to see a forward fold > Ain't nobody giving up > Cause nobody gives a fuck" The way this dude sings it, it's like almost a joke. And like frankly having a breakdown is practically like a fucking joke like. Come on. You are crying while probably wearing half of a pair of pants and have ice cream on your tits and something stupid as fuck just happened and now you're sitting like, on the floor or some shit. Get up, dumbass, no one's paying attention and the audience is only gonna laugh. Lmao. Anyway I like it.

[volumina-vetustiora]

15 questions for 15

tagged by @crynwr-drwg

are you named after anyone?

kind of? my parents broke with tradition and didn't name me after my grandfather, but I share my name with a well known Greek figure

when was the last time you cried?

I recently cried while watching a musical live. it was surprising because I rarely cry at art/movies/etc.

do you have kids?

haha, no. and I'm pretty sure I never want to

do you use sarcasm a lot?

habitually, yes

what sports do you play/have you played?

swimming is the only tolerable form of exercise. being in water is good

what's the first thing you notice about other people?

I dunno, hair??

eye colour?

dark brown

scary movies or happy endings?

I absolutely hate scary movies icl

any special talents?

...some proficiency in Latin? and, a pretty good singing voice? ability to remember trivia that is specific enough to be awkward to explain why I know it, but not broad enough to be that good at trivia games

where were you born?

a large, wet island off the coast of Europe ruled by royalists

what are your hobbies?

Latin. singing. thinking I'm good at geography/history. oh yeah and video games. all, like, five of them that I play over and over

do you have any pets?

I have a small, stupid, and dearly beloved tabby cat

how tall are you?

short enough and toxic-masculinity enough to not like answering that question

fave subject in school?

it was Latin ofc

dream job?

god it's probably teaching isn't it. no that's a lie. dream job is deciphering unknown ancient languages, but I'd be shit at it

tagging @noctuamagna @gnostica-et-vetusta @exnihilo-comic @girlpetronius @nekrotikon if you've been tagged already I apologise, wouldn't be surprised as I think I've seen this one doing the rounds

[pomegranate-jr3]

Zig you are in fact 5’4.

1. Are you named after everyone?

My first name no but I’m convinced my middle name was from Dirty Dancing. (It’s Frances)

2. When was the last time you cried?

2 weeks ago maybe???

3. Do you have kids?

Haha that’s funny

4. Do you use sarcasm?

Yeah but not well.

5. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Their style and if they have proper manners when meeting someone. Like if they say hello or introduce themselves.

6. What color are your eyes?

Dark green

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings. I love escapism.

8. Any special talents

Idk I sing. Idk if that counts.

9. Where were you born?

Georgia. Unfortunately.

10. What are your hobbies?

I like reading and music and I do theatre. I also love costume design and analysis so I do that a lot.

11. Do you have any pets?

I have 3 dogs. I only like them half the time.

12. Do you do any sports?

Haha funny. I did silks for a while and dance and shit but sports are a no for me.

13. How tall are you?

5’7 but I wish I was shorter

14. Favorite school subject

Kinda hate school but when it comes to my interests I like literature, philosophy, ancient history, theatre, sociology, Spanish

15. Dream job

I would either love to be some kind of actress or singer or a costume designer. I love both.

15 questions 15 people

answer the questions and tag 15 people! thank u brody @walkingmouth

1. are you named after anyone?

yeah!! first name after a movie star and middle name after my aunt ^^

2. when was the last time you cried?

earlier today i cried a little bit bc my big sister was leaving after visiting us!

3. do you have kids?

not yet but i really want them in teh future!!

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

yes in a jokey way w people im close to haha

5. what is the first thing you notice about people?

hmm idk!! if theyre nice ig lol

6. what color are your eyes?

blue-gray!

7. scary movies or happy endings?

both!!!

8. any special talents?

not really lmao

9. where were you born?

america unfortunately.

10. what are your hobbies?

drawing, writing fanfiction

11. do you have any pets?

2 cats!

12. what sports do you/have you played

none

13. how tall are you?

5'8” i think??.

14. favorite subjects in school?

none i do not like school

15. dream job?

piercer and child therapist. yes both.

tagging: @clandeztine @offtheheezayy @austinwehaveaproblem @mostlytins @daddymikeyway @deesaster @dxzys @h0use-of-w0lves @pagesixlovers @peterpansexual19 @p1ckthep01son @lj-girlie @untitledrockshow @littletroubledgrrrl @teenytinydancer34

[rewatchdoctorwho]

The Doctors as a Middle School Faculty (Revised):

First Doctor: Principal. Should have retired years ago. Working more out of routine than anything else. No longer remembers what year it is. So out of touch that it's actually kind of cute. Grouchy but the students love him.

Second Doctor: Vice Principal. Really nice to all the kids who come through the office, and always has candy and kind words for everyone, no matter why they're there. Knows all the best jokes.

Third Doctor: Math teacher. SUPER strict. Ex-military. Knows martial arts. Classes are absolutely silent. Students are terrified of him but they learn more from him than any other teacher.

Fourth Doctor: Art teacher. Most popular teacher in school because of how laid-back he is, but nobody ever learns anything. Cannot remember anyone's name. Grades based on his mood. Keeps secret snacks around his classroom.

Fifth Doctor: Gym teacher. Is really, really nice to compensate for how miserable his makes his students. Forces you to learn the rules of obscure sports from around the world. Slightly out of breath all the time. Smells of deodorant and minty toothpaste.

Sixth Doctor: School counsellor. Always smiling all the time. Wears neckties with Hawaiin shirts. Never stops smiling. Stands too close to you when he talks. Smiling in every picture. Bad breath. Smiles a lot.

Seventh Doctor: Janitor/Custodian/Groundskeeper. Obviously some kind of ancient elemtnal spirit masquerating as a human being, or at least that's what everyone believes. Mysterious and full of wisdom. Buys clothes and school supplies for the poor kids. Beautiful singing voice.

Eighth Doctor: Drama teacher. Was a hot young acting talent once upon a time but things didnt work out. Slightly depressed about it but is trying his best. Likes his students. Cries when he thinks no one is looking.

Ninth Doctor: History teacher. Rebellious, angry, political, and complains about having to teach state-mandated curriculum instead of the TRUTH. Attends protests and punches Nazis on the weekends. Fidgety. Always sticks up for his class. Doesn't like music.

Tenth Doctor: School librarian. Every student's first crush. Smarter than you but he's cool about it. Well-dressed. Loves comics and hip-hop music. Bad at maintaining discipline.

Eleventh Doctor: Chemistry teacher. Graduated like 3 years ago. NO idea what he's doing. Easily sidetracked during lectures. Volunteers to chaperone every school dance. Will almost certainly burn down the building by accident someday.

Twelfth Doctor: English teacher. Has seen. Some. Shit. The hipsters think he's god but nobody else can stand him. Plays guitar in a band. Assigns needlessly-complex literature analysis papers. Classroom smells like tobacco, leather, and dust.

Thirteenth Doctor: Office secretary. The one who really runs the place. Fearless and takes NO shit from the parents. Bullied the school board into guaranteeing free lunches for all. Buried a few bodies in her day. Mess with her students at your peril.

[what-the-witch-stuff]

Landings Through the Grapevine

Chapter 1: Introduction

Masterpost: here

Go to:  Ch.1   |   Ch.2   |

Pairing: Elliott x OC

_________________________

It was a quiet morning in Stardew Valley. Birds were singing faintly in the distance and a hazy mist hung in the air, transforming everything not directly close into blue-ish hues and indistinct shapes. The sun had just risen over the horizon, chasing after the last traces of pink in the otherwise clear, blue sky. Not one cloud was in sight.

This was indeed a pleasant surprise. The villagers had feared for the constant downpour, that has persisted for the last couple of days, to delay the annual spring festivities. But now, only the wet squelching sound under the farmer's boots disrupted the idyllic scenery, as she made her way around the forest clearing, where the annual Flower Dance would be taking place. Undeterred by the early hour, the preparations were going just as planned, though they were far from finished. Riley herself had only a few decorations left to hang up, but they were still waiting on a cart to bring a few chairs and parts of the sound equipment.

A loud continuous thumping echoed over the meadow as Robin was still busy with setting up Pierre's booth. The noise was shortly interrupted, as Robin readjusted the planks she was working on, before spotting the farmer.

“Good morning Riley! Oh, you cleaned up nicely.”, Robin greeted her cheerfully and looked her over. Though Robin had apologized for ever doubting Riley's ability to take over her grandfather's farm, it were comments like these that made conversing with the carpenter a bit difficult. As Riley still didn't know Robin too well, the double meaning of the statement was not lost on her. But today, the farmer wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, hoping that Robin was just a little aloof sometimes.

'Don't rock the boat now. Think about the barn upgrade' .

So, she forced herself to just smile and wave before turning back around and the noise of the hammer picked up again. For the occasion, Riley had indeed ditched her usual overall and stained-shirt combo, in favour of one of her nicer outfits she used to wear back in Zuzu City. The only thing left from her usual farming attire was her sword which, clearly visible on her left hip, marked her as a member of the Adventurer's Guild.

While she had been quite pleased with her decision at first, something about the outfit had triggered a weird feeling. It had taken some time for her to remember, that she had not worn these clothes since the fatal day, that she had quit her job at Joja Corporation. However, by the time Riley had come to that realization, it had been far too late to change into something else. The whole morning, she had tried to push the thought away, as today was supposed to be a good day, after all. The farmer was usually not the person to care much about traditions. Nevertheless, after walking around in clammy work clothes for the past week, even Riley was looking forward to the Flower Dance. It had been a little awkward during her first year, as she had been completely new to the community. And while most villagers had been rather welcoming towards her, it were customs such as the dance that still made her feel like an outsider.

'Well, what do I expect?' , Riley asked herself, while carefully climbing a ladder, to hang a couple of pastel-coloured, flower garlands into the lower branches of a tree. “This is my second year after all. Shane came to live with Marnie and Jas three years ago. Leah and Elliott moved here, roughly around the same time. They might be part of the town now, but otherwise, all of them are kind of outsiders too.” Even so, and the thought made her pause mid task with a snort, that was probably also due to their very  individual  personalities.

“Well, at least someone is having a good morning.”, remarked a deep voice from below. Speaking of the devil. Shane was looking up to her, an unreadable expression on his face and dressed in the traditional sky-blue uniform, all attending Bachelors would be wearing to the dance. In his hands was a bowl of pepper-poppers from which he ate one ever so often, while watching her work.

“Oh wow Shane, I would say you cleaned up nicely too but I might be lying”, Riley replied with a grin, to which Shane just rolled his eyes and kept chewing completely unfazed .

“Fuck you. I know I look just fine, so you can suck it!”, he grouchily mumbled, though it sounded more like he tried to convince himself rather than her. “You sure do, buddy”. Finally happy with her work, Riley descended the ladder to greet her friend properly. “And you would look even better, if you stopped stuffing your face like a pig!”.

“They're my favorite”, he protested childishly and provocatively grabbed another pepper.

“And I spend a lot of time making them all by myself.”

“I helped too”

“No, you flaked to play soccer with Jas and Vincent!”

Shane's expression bore a cheeky grin, probably anticipating to say something rude. But the pair was interrupted by Pierre, calling out for their help to unload the cart that had finally arrived….

Since Marnie was still in a not-so-secret- relationship with Mayor Lewis, she insisted on taking part in the preparations of any official festivity. Many of the dishes, decked onto a couple of large folding tables, had been prepared the previous day at Marnie's farm, with Riley chipping in her labour and even part of her harvest.

“What happened to breakfast, you greedy gremlin?”, asked Riley, saving the half empty bowl from Shane's grasp, to return it to the buffet. The gremlin in question trailed behind, pretending like he was not sulking over the loss of the food:

“As you like to remind me, microwaved pizza is no proper breakfast”. At that Riley raised both eyebrows in mock-astonishment:

“Oh, so now the good sir suddenly cares about what  I have to say ?”

“So Riley, you're not dancing?”, Marlon asked in between sips of punch.

The sun had risen higher in the sky, and the cool morning had turned into a bright midday. Everything was set up and ready. Soft music played over lively conversation, as bit by bit all villagers arrived. Riley didn't really know what to do with herself, when she could no longer hide behind tasks and actually had to socialize. Seeing Marlon standing in a far corner of the meadow, one hand calmly resting on the hilt of his sword while overseeing the scenery, presented a great excuse to escape dreadful smalltalk. They were well acquainted by now and she had not seen him in a while, other than when she visited the Guild directly. It wasn't too weird, if she made use of that affiliation, right?

If Marlon felt disturbed through her presence he didn't let it show. He just nodded in acknowledgement and together they watched the Spring Maidens enter the clearing, garbed in white from head to toe, with lacy floral decorations sewn onto their dresses and flowers in their hair.

“I think, such ' spirits ' might have other things to worry about right now”.

Unfortunately for her, even Marlon seemed talkative today and Riley answered him reluctantly: “No. As far as I am concerned, the couples dancing stay mostly the same. Wouldn't want to disrupt that order, y'a know”, That was not entirely true, though. The other reason was that a certain someone would most likely turn her down if she'd ever asked him. And Riley was not willing to open THAT can of worms anytime soon. Marlon hummed in understanding: “I see. I just thought, since you're a farmer, you might want to participate.”

“What does being a farmer have to do with that?”

Marlon looked at her, the brow above his remaining eye slightly raised in surprise: ”The flower dance is an ancient fertility ceremony. Back when the village still believed in the spirits of this land, the dance was held to gain their favour for the upcoming harvest. Surely you wouldn't want the spirits that make things grow on your bad side, ey?”.

Riley was not sure what to make of this new piece of information, so the farmer and the monster hunter fell back into silence. Looking around, the meadow didn't really look like an old or magical place to her. It most definitely didn't feel like one either. Compared to the eerie solitude of the Community Center and the claustrophobic depths of the mines, the clearing seemed so very ordinary. On the other hand, it wouldn't be the first time that the Valley proved to be full of surprises. One year ago, Riley was some disillusioned worker's bee in a corporate nightmare. Now, she belonged to a world where magic was real, wizards lived in secluded towers, monsters hid in the depths of the wild and animals could talk. Or rather, Riley could suddenly talk to them (?). Overall, the land was full of entities and forces, Riley didn't plan to meddle with, let alone offend. For a moment she got worried enough, that she almost asked Marlon directly, if he thought the Junimos would truly be cross with her, for not attending the dance. But she decided against it, as someone might end up overhearing their conversation. Surely, Marlon was one of the few people in Pelican Town, who knew about the otherworldliness of the valley. He had probably seen more than Riley would ever experience in her lifetime. But this wasn't the time and place to talk about such things openly.

“And they better have their priorities straight. If they ever dare giving me shit, for not doing that stupid dance, I'm out. Have fun rebuilding the Community Center without me !”,  

was what she did not say. “Besides, wouldn't it look silly to be wearing a sword with such a dress?”, she jokingly gestured in the direction of the Bachelorettes, but to no one in particular. Marlon, again, shortly averted his eyes from the crowd to look at her, in what one might consider to be amusement: “Silly? Kid, that sword is a badge of honour. Of course we wear it to any occasion, men and women alike. Back in the days, Old Linda wouldn't be caught dead not wearing her sword. Also made the lads keep their hands to themselves, if you know what I mean.”, at this he cackled quietly to himself and took another sip.

“What happened to them? Linda and the other women in the guild?”, Riley asked curiously since Marlon rarely was so chatty. “What do you think? This was way before your time. They're probably dead or very old. Some got married, moved to the city and forgot all about their old lives here. ….Your grandma was one of the last”.

Marlon's eyes were back on the gathering, but there was something harsh crossing his features. Riley didn't know what to say. So she just kept watching him in hopes he would elaborate on that. But he remained shrouded in silence. She knew that their conversation was over for good. And knowing Marlon, he wouldn't want to talk about it anytime soon either. So, she tried pushing her questions into the back of her mind and rather focused on the gathering at hand, where the female villagers were now the centre of attention.

The first Bachelorette she saw was the blue haired bar-maid who was hard not to overlook, thanks to her outgoing personality. Emily's dress was full of ruffles and detailed embroidery and made her look even more whimsical. Like a fairy, she was all smiles and joy, half-dancing half skipping over the grass barefoot, as her skirts flowed and billowed along her every movement. If Clint was trying not to stare at her directly, he unfortunately wasn't very good at it. And with concern, Riley noticed the disdain in his eyes when she hugged Shane and started chatting excitedly. Abigail was the polar opposite, in the way she acted all nonchalantly and kept her posture extremely casual. She smirked and rolled her eyes at anyone complimenting her dress, but soon settled into her usual group of friends and as far away from her parents, as physically possible. Haley posed a little to better show off her new dress and happily chatted with Jody and Caroline about the cut and some issues she had with shipping.

It was then that Riley caught a glimpse of auburn in the crowd and her heart skipped a beat, when she saw Elliott and Leah chatting with Marnie and Harvey. He looked handsome (but then Riley always thought he was) with his blue overcoat complimenting his fair skin tone, while contrasting his coppery hair. Leah, who didn't seem too interested in the conversation at hand, ended up catching her gaze and gave a small wave. Riley felt like she missed a step on a staircase and could hardly control the nervous flutter in her chest, when Elliott turned his head in her direction too. His noble features turned from confused to an amused smile as he spotted her. And just like the gentleman he was, he gave her a courteous nod. Riley could not help, but smile back warmly with butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

It was silly.

But a crush was a crush.

Ever since Elliott had invited her for drinks during a chance meeting at the saloon, Riley had been head over heels for the cocky and slightly eccentric writer. He was charming in his good old fashioned way. Not only did he look like the figurative embodiment of a Jane Austen character. He also played the part: always most polite and private in an outside setting and so very concerned about the impression he made on others. But once rather tipsy, Elliott had been much more forthcoming in what was actually going on in his mind. Riley fondly remembered how she couldn't stop laughing after unexpectedly hearing Elliott say ' shit ' for the first time.

It was nice. …

Just a shame, that his interest in her had not survived the night. While they had parted in good spirits, the next day, their interaction was back to pleasant conversation and occasional discussions on his drafts. Riley respected that. Of course she did. But that didn't stop her from developing quite a passion for fishing, in hopes to see him standing at the docks when battling his usual writer's block. For a moment Elliott looked as if he tried to excuse himself from his current company. He kept looking back at her with, what almost seemed like, impatience as he waited for Harvey to finish talking. But then, Mayor Lewis announced for the dance to begin and Elliot took Leah's hand, to gracefully lead her to the middle of the clearing, along with the other couples.

[your-fave-transboy]

My SVU Headcanons - SFW

These are just random things that I've thought about or put into fics, usually things I can't begin to explain. I do not own the characters, I just use 'em for personal enjoyment. I'll probably add more to this as I go through the seasons. I have an NSFW version saved bc I'm a thirsty young bisexual, but I could also be tempted to do individual headcanons.

Olivia can cook. Like, even before Noah, my woman could throw down some mean Thanksgiving meals. She seems like she'd make bomb ass comfort food.

Munch 10000% watches Buzzfeed: Unsolved an has roped Fin into watching it with him. (He likes Shane more than Ryan)

Rafael has read all three of the Fifty Shades books. And seen the movies. He doesn't enjoy them, but he has read them.

Sonny still makes old school mixtapes burned onto CDs even after playlists gain popularity. He has notably made Southern Lady Jams for Rollins and Badass Bops to Hum in Court for Barba.

This is straight up canon tbh. Olivia has slept with Alex, Casey, and Barba at least once. She has a lawyer fetish

Elliot Stabler can sing surprisingly well. I have no proof, just a feeling in my spirit. His go-to song of choice is obviously old bc he's ancient, like Elvis or Sinatra. Neither of which are super old but yeah.

On the note of music, Sonny can play the piano bc he had to learn for church bc he's a good lil Catholic boy. Plus his fingers are perfect for plenty of things if ya get what I'm puttin' down.

Rollins will purposefully thicken her Southern accent and say y'all've't to fuck with Rafael, our favorite grammatically correct king.

Fin has gone to Pride with his son if just to protect his boy (after he gets over all the usual homophobia and shit)

Fin has also drunkenly kissed Munch, and they both argue that the other person started it.

Huang would easily be attracted to Rafael bc who wouldn't? They're both smart and have a dry kind of humor that goes underappreciated at times.

Olivia will fight a transphobe, especially in later seasons. This is a personal headcanon mainly meant to make myself feel better :)

Elliot can tie a cherry stem with his tongue, same with Alex.

Rita Calhoun and Rafael have had sex in his office at least once. I am sure of it.

Casey plays softball in a lot of fics which I support whether its canon or not, but she is probably so ungraceful otherwise lmao. Like home girl will trip over air when not wearing heels.

Rollins brought home all kinds of animals as a kid, ranging from stray dogs/cats to the occasional raccoon, and once a squirrel.

Alex likes rap music. Akon is her favorite after the release of "Smack That", but her favorite song would have to be "Beautiful". Runner up rappers are Kanye and Nelly.

On the same hand, Olivia likes country music, new and old. She plays it when she's mad bc everyone else hates it until Rollins shows up. When mad at whoever she is dating, Olivia will play Gretchen Wilson's "Redneck Woman" at full volume.

I am a firm believer that Munch likes cats. I will not be giving an explanation as to why at this time.

Rita does not enjoy defending the scum of the earth, but is afraid of starting over somewhere else. She has entertained the notion of moving to SVU and working with Rafael. Rita also struggles with alcohol abuse because of her feelings for the job.

Sonny likes Broadway musicals because of his sisters. His favorite is Hairspray or Les Mis. (Mine is Phantom of the Opera tho, same as Rafael, I'm convinced.)

Elliot likes to play games on his phone. Shit like pac-man, tetris, and temple run. He will play temple run all through quarantine.

In my head, all these assholes are bisexual. It just explains all the tension tbh.

Everyone who has walked through the SVU doors has thought about sleeping with Olivia. Gay, straight, bi, doesn't matter. Everyone wants to fuck Olivia.

Sonny, Rollins, Rafael, Casey, and Alex have "Olivia Benson Fan Club" t-shirts.

Rita fosters cats.

Huang likes video games. Not FPS or anything violent, but shit like Minecraft/Stardew/Animal Crossing because they're simple.

Sonny plays laser tag in his free time.

Olivia has gotten in plenty of bar fights defending women and will gladly use her badge to get out of charges.

Olivia speaks Italian, Russian, French, and Spanish in canon. She talks to Rafael in Spanish and Sonny in Italian. She calls Rafael Querido and Sonny mio amico.

Sonny protects women in bars and clubs, wards off strange dudes and frat boys but like politely? He kills these assholes with kindness until they leave.

On the other hand, Rafael aggressively flirts with predatory straight men. Homie does not hesitate.

After Casey is suspended, she ends staying at Liz Donnelly's place a lot. They become a couple via accident kitten acquisition.

Law and Order: SVU - NSFW