#solid lable

[cowboy-robooty]

Love your HCs <3!!! And your art!!!!!!!! Le Question: is Romano 99.99999% straight like Veneziano? What's his sexuality journey like? If you don't mind sharing your thoughts. Is it as weird as Veneziano's pre school BF then pussy for a millennium. Thank youu

FIRST) THANK YOUU MANAJW i always feel surprised when i remember it isnt just me and my 3 friends on da world wide web that like my stuff <:') ARIGATO! FROM ME! *points at me* TO YOU! *points at you*

Anyways now SECOND) i think romano knows he likes girls and actually is nice to them and tries to rizz them its just hes cringe fail so i actually think hes a total virgin whos never dated anyone ever bc hes so aids. i think he doesnt really see guys as an option not because of sexuality but more because hes too busy trying to catch a girl he aint even got TIME to think about other fish types we go one type at a time. like when he goes i would never date anyone in the g8 its not because theyre boys its because "theyre stupid and annoying and ugly and should kill themselves and one of them is my fucking brother" romano is a boy kisser its just that never gets addressed because he hates all the men around him too much. i also think he kinda likes the idea of a girl more than actually dating a girl because 1) he doesnt take into account that girls actually can fart (60% why he thinks theyre so angelic and wunderbar) and 2) he desperately wants to be popular asf like italy so hes like ITALY BANGS CHICKS EVERYDAY SO OBVIOUSLY THERES GOTTA BE SOME SECRET SAUCE IN THERE. but i think he never in his life ends up dating a girl because they all reject his ass bc he fumbles so hard and then prussia activates his yandere gene and he gets loyal asf (but still demented and terrible. basically nothing changes other than him no longer hitting on girls) so woooooo I THINK THE LABLE HE USES IS "normal" (he is anything except normal)

*read tags if u wanna see why i changed my mind. actually romano uses da lable

**drumrolllllll**

BISEXUAL! **judge gavel slams down**

SENTENCE: 10 THOUSAND HOT POCKETS!

[lovingbisexuality]

You're most likely a bisexual pretending to be a lesbian. I wouldn't be surprised if in the next 5 years you find yourself a boyfriend. You might start saying how your het relationship is actually "qUeEr"

I’m so unbelievably sick and tired of these “lesbians” in online spaces genuinely thirsting after men and then saying it doesn’t count because he’s an actor

It’s one thing to joke about or just acknowledge a man as conventionally attractive but that’s not what you are doing at all. You are like genuinely and wholeheartedly attracted to him

It’s just so gross. Stuff like this just further isolates lesbians because it makes other lesbians feel like the only way to be a “good” lesbian is to include men in our sexuality when that’s quite literally the opposite of what our sexuality is.

Lesbians are socially punished both irl and in online spaces for not being attracted to men and this weird movement of women calling themselves gay while happily and confidently talk about how hot a man is is gross and damaging and needs to stop. Pick a different word because it sure as hell isn’t lesbian.

[ellipse-society]

Since we seem to be posting more on here than we expected to I thought we should do an intro post.

Hey! We are the Ellipse Society. We identify as plural(more than one consciousness in one body for those unfamiliar with the term) and currently have just over 50 headmates(though we are in the middle of a mass discovery so there may be more) so we likely won't all be posting. We have a frontbound host named Mia who will likely be the one posting most often. We don't like to use genic labels for ourself(though we will on very rare occasions) because all of them are either inaccurate or are triggering for some headmates when we self identify with them(absolutely everyone of us is against making our trauma an identity lable for ourselves).

Our plurality is non-disordered and the only mental disorder we have a diagnosis for is ASD.

We are 24 years old and have a bachelor's degree in psychology. We work full time(since that seems to be important to some people) at a behavioral health clinic with lower income clients with mental disabilities. The body and the majority of our headmates are female and we prefer she/her pronouns.

We strongly support endos. We will not be identifying as pro-endo at this time due to infighting in the community(and yes contray to what some have been saying it does still exist). We don't like DNI's but if you are actively involved in intentional harmful behavior of any kind against any human being you are not welcome here and will be blocked. We are willing to have polite discussions with those who disagree with our opinions but we typically don't have solid opinions without doing significant research first so you won't be able change our opinion without significant research to support you.

Anyway no clue what we will post or when since we were never intending to post in the first place but will be posting more wherever something sparks our interest. We have a tiktok under the same name if you want to check it out but we haven't been in a good place to film for a while so no garentees on new content there. Anyway hope everyone has an amazing day/night/etc.

We are currently doing headmate intros. If you are interested here is the post where we talked about how we are doing them with links to those we've done.

[a-burned-hero]

nanobots: an explanation

Nano bots are bots that aren't visible to the naked eye unless in large clusters, hust like atoms.

If we scaled up a nanobot, it'd look like this:

And so I don't have to explain too much, let's lable it!

The parts labeled with A are the locks/keys, it's one of the ways that nanobots link tightly together to make solid shapes, the ports and spikes can be retracted/filled as the bot is rolling to give it less friction

The parts labeled with B are the legs, it has eight, they allow to climb/grab onto surfaces without damaging them, they also retract when it rolls and even move inside the bot to give it momentum if needed

C Is the main body, it contains all the tech needed to be remotely controlled by my mind, subconscious/conscious, it connects to the chip I have in my brain that converts the electric signals from my brain into something the bots can react to, it is made out of a indestructible but light metal

D, the purple thing are the label for the circles on the body which are LEDS helping them change colour

I will take any questions!

[flatland-a-2024-translation]

Section 02. Of the Climate and Houses in Flatland

[Table of Contents]

Like in your world, we also have four points on our compass: North, South, East, and West.

Since we have no sun or other celestial bodies like you do, we can’t tell where North is in the way you do, but we have our own way.

Similar to your birds, we always know where South is, because for us, we are constantly being pulled in that direction. This pull is very light in our most northern countries, so light that even a reasonably healthy Woman can travel for several hundred yards Northward without difficulty.

But even at its lightest, we can still feel it, and can use this to tell which way is South. As an added bonus, the rain, which always falls on a predictable schedule, always comes from the North.

Because of this, when we are in a town or city, we can tell the direction from the way the houses are built – because the rain comes from the north, the solid roof faces north, so that the water can safely run off and down the sides without getting inside.

When you’re out in the countryside where there are no houses, you can use the trunks of the trees instead.

As you can see, it’s usually pretty easy for us to get our bearings.

But one problem is that when you are so far North that you can barely feel this pull, if you are walking in a deserted plain with no trees or houses in sight, I’ve sometimes gotten so turned around that I had to stand in place for hours straight, waiting for the rain to come so I’d know which way to go.

If you are ill or old, or a delicate Female, this pull to the South weighs heavier than on the healthy members of the Male Sex, so it’s considered polite that, if you meet a Lady in the street, you will move to the South and give her the North side to walk on.

This can be easier said than done in such short notice, if you are in a northern climate where it’s hard to tell which way is south, or if you’re feeling sick yourself.

Unlike your buildings, ours have no windows, because light comes to us everywhere equally, whether you’re inside or out, during the day or night, and where this light comes from, we don’t know.

A long time ago, philosophers and scholars used to ask each other “What is the origin of Light?” and debate the possible answers. Many people have tried to find the answer to this question, and the only result is that our lunatic asylums have precious space taken up by the people who’ve claimed to have solved it.

Our Government tried to persuade people to stop trying to solve this problem by forcing anyone who worked on it to pay heavy taxes, but when it kept being a problem, the Law Makers, not so long ago comparatively speaking, finally made it completely illegal to talk about.

And here I am, the only one in Flatland who knows the truth to where Light comes from. But I can’t explain it to my countrymen, and when I try, they just laugh at me – me! The only one in this World who understands that Light comes from the Third Dimension! They laugh at me like I’m the maddest of the mad.

But I’ve gotten off track and this is a painful topic, so let’s get back to talking about houses.

Most of our houses are five-sided shapes, or as they are commonly called, Pentagons.

Here is an illustration to help you understand:

[Image description start: A black and white digital illustration with the compass in the upper left corner, showing a pentagonal house in Flatland. Each of the five points of the pentagon are with a different letter, with “A” and “B” going left to right on the bottom line, and “R”, “O”, and “F” left to right on the top, with the two diagonal lines marked with their combined points, so that the top two diagonal lines spell out, “roof”. On the Western diagonal side is a large gap marked by a grey line labled, “Men’s door”. On the east is a much smaller gap labled, “Women’s door”. Image description end.]

The two Northern sides of a Pentagon house form the roof, and these normally don’t have any doors. On the eastern side, there is a small door for Women, and across from it on the Western side is a much larger door for Men. The Southern side, or floor, usually doesn’t have any doors.

Square and Triangular houses aren’t allowed, because their angles are much sharper than those of a Pentagon, and since the lines of inanimate objects, like houses, are dimmer than the lines of Men and Women, they are harder to see, so if someone wasn’t paying attention, they could get seriously hurt if they accidentally ran into the corner of a Square or Triangle shaped house.

As far back as the eleventh century of our era, Triangular houses have been illegal to build, with the only exceptions being for military structures like forts, ammunition stores, barracks, or other state buildings that most people aren't allowed to enter without special permission.

At that point in time, you were still allowed to build Square houses, but they were subject to special taxes to discourage people from building more of them.

Three hundred years after Triangular houses were outlawed, the Law finally decided that if a town’s population was above ten thousand, then the angle of a Pentagon was the smallest house-angle allowed to be built, in the interest of public safety.

The general community has common sense, and has agreed with this new law, so now, even out in the country on farms, almost all houses you can find will be pentagons. Now and then, though, in some very remote and poor farming district, an antiquarian might still find an ancient Square house.

[Table of Contents]

[greatlordfluffernutter]

While I do agree on some level with the new wave of arguments that a "problem" with AI art is that you're skipping all the long and difficult steps of honing a skill and training yourself to improve, I do think it's important to point out that

1. This is basically just a more grounded articulation of the whole "it has no soul" thing that isn't really solid enough to be useful for anything beyond saying why you think some people are cringe (i.e. this isn't grounds to start engaging legislation or break out the Bad Person lables) and

2. Last I checked when people used this exact same argument as to why games like dark souls don't need to compromise their artistic integrity to add easy modes, a lot of you got Big Mad. Including the same people using this argument against AI art. I guess devoting effort to develop a skill is only necessary when it's your own hobby? Strange.

[rjalker]

Turning the formerly feral kittens into public domain characters, starting with Sapphire, because she was the first to hold still for me to get a picture as a reference for her face.

Includes a more detailed guide and cute simplified versions, including one where her white paws are literally mittens and boots.

Fun fact: Her name is Sapphire because she was so fluffy, and at first we wanted to name her Cloud, but then we were like no, there's too much of a theme here already. So then we were like "okay but what about Sephiroth as a reference to clouds". And then we were like no, because we want someone to want to adopt her. So Sapphire it is. As a reference to the name Sephiroth. As a reference to the fact that she's fluffy like a cloud.

She has the biggest ears of all her siblings, and the shortest, skinniest, but fluffiest tail.

Feel free to draw her in whatever style you want. Or change her pronouns. She's a cat. She doesn't know what gender is. But she could in your version!

They can all have the last name Jupiter since we caught them on / the day after the 4th of July, and I can't think of any other name.

So, Sapphire Jupiter.

As of September 2023, she weighs 4lbs.

Gizmo is now posted!

Not drawn yet:

Eclipse Jupiter

Taaz Jupiter

and their mom, Marlena Jupiter.

Who is the father? The world may never know....unless you decide to create him yourself.

...Aand she has just jumped into an empty trash can. So I will edit the picture I just got of her in the trash can into this post. Lol.

[ID: Three digital drawings, each with the same royal blue background, each showing a black and white kitten character. The first shows the kitten with more detail, drawn linelessly, with the head and torso in the center, and the arms and legs off to the side, disconnected to fit in the square frame of the image. The character is labled, "Sapphire", and a small photo of the kitten it's based on is in the upper left corner. Some notes read, "Yellow eyes, thin, fluffy fur", and "short, skinny fluffy tail". The kitten has a mostly black body, with round yellow-gold eyes, and a pink and black nose. The face is solid black, except for an irregular white stripe from the chin, going crookedly up to between the eyes at a diagonal. Where the white stripe overlaps the nose, the nose is pink, and black where the stripe does not meet. The kitten has a thick white fluffy chest like a collar, and a thinner white stripe on the belly all the way down. All the feet are white with solid pink paw pads, with the front feet having the white end at the end of the foot, and the back feet stretching up to almost the knee, like tall socks. The tail, drawn to one side, is skinny and fluffy, and slightly more than half the length of the torso. The next two images show a much more simplified version of the character, standing upright against the blue background. The character now has larger pointed ears, oval shaped yellow eyes with a line for pupils, a simplified face stripe, a black nose and mouth, and a simpler white collar and belly. The limbs are drawn as simple bendy lines ending in white, with the tail raised happily behind. The second version of this image is the same as the first, except that the white parts of the front paws, or hands, have been extended out to form little gloves or mittens, and the white markings on the back legs have been extended into boots. End ID.]

I would share pictures of her for drawing references...but dear gods these cats do not want to be photographed lol. Every time I try to take a picture they're already moving.

Edit: Nope, lol, here's the picture of her in the trash can:

[ID: Another photo of the kitten depicted above, now looking up while sitting in the bottom of a medium sized white trashcan.]

@publicdomaincharacters some more public domain characters :)

[publicdomaindisabledcharacters]

Hauntlight and Cenotaph, a pair of original, public domain characters created for the also public domain book Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions, by Edwin Abbot Abbot.

This character reference sheet took like four days to make.

[ID: Two images, both compilations of drawings of two original characters, Hauntlight and Cenotaph.

The first drawing, which focuses on Hauntlight, is titled, "Hauntlight - it/its/itself pronouns only, yes, even in mundane, 'all-human' AUs. It's not human, only human-passing, even if born to human parents.

From top to bottom and left to right, the following drawings are labled:

"Daemon / aether / familiar is always a rabbit", showing a simple drawing of a tan rabbit, and a purple and grey shape with three lobes to represent a Flatland rabbit.

Next is a simple black line that has zig-zags and a fork at the end, with the same Flatland rabbit shape next to it for scale, showing it comes up to around where the back section forks.

Next to this is the same zig-zagged line, colored in orange, labled, "Can be thicker, though its exoskeleton is abnormally thin".

Next to this is a crude scribble drawing of a humanoid figure with ink-black skin, withd a dark brown heart shape in the center of its torso, with three stripes on either side like a rib cage. Each ankle and wrist, along with its spade-tipped tail, has two more brown stripes, one thin, one thick. It is missing one eye, with the other orange with a brown pupil. It has pointed ears, a tall asymetrical horn on one side of its head, and grey flopped over hair on the other.

It is labled, "Huamnoid! Asymetrical hair. Triped, cat face, animal ears, 1 horn, stylized grey hair, ink-black skin, 1 eye, needs glasses." Next to its right hand, which we see on the left, is a orange and yellow cane.

After this is a pale human seen from the knees up, labeled, "Human-passing! Earth (with daemons). 'Disguised' as a boy (not really, lol). Gets to have crutches!".

This version of the character is wearing a brown eye patch over its missing left eye, with its other eye black, wearing a grey-brown shirt under a dark brown vest, and warm brown pants with a dark belt. It has wooden forearm crutches, and wears a dark brown newsie cap.

After this is another version of the line from before, labled, "Most simplified! If drawn as a solid shape, should be black or orange", with a smiley face emoji. Next is a "Literal Line", purple with a grey outline, labled, "too short, ran out of paper. Grey exo, 2x repro organs, 1 set functional".

The last form is a humanoid form with three legs and two arms, with a single large cyclops eye in the center of its round head, which is tipped with a swooped arrow like a spear point. It has the same colors and pattern as the earlier humanoid, with ink-black skin and brown markings.

It has the same yellow and orange cane drawn over its right hand, which has an uncolored pencil drawing below it showing three rounded, "long webbed fingers". The rest of the labels are, "three legs", with an arrow pointing at its far left leg, which we see on the right, labeling it "worst leg: left leg", with its simple rounded feet "like hooves". Next to it is a separate spade-tipped tail, labled, "Can have spade tail [because] tails are cool, but not required. Finally, there is a drawing of a large, yellow and orange cyclops goggle labled, "could wear eyeglass if not living under The Current Regime".

The last part of text reads, "Black skin like pen ink, just light enough 2 differentiate from lines, or lineless.".

The second drawing shows three digital drawings on a black background, with white outlines, showing different styles of an original Flatland character, Cenotaph.

The first style is labeled, “Literal Line”, and shows an upward pointing arrow with a small box around the straight tail, with small curved lines coming off the sides, like cilia.

The second is labeled, “Speculative”, and shows a more detailed Flatland version as seen from above. In this form, Cenotaph has a grey exoskeleton, and a body with a rounded main section, and two long ear-shaped sections at the top, with its eye in the center. Its blood is purple, and its brain, lung, stomachs, heart, and reproductive organs are in different shades of pink and dark red.

Attached to the sides of its main body section are two cage-like contraptions with five points boring into Cenotaph’s exoskeleton, with the outside covered in the same short curved likes as the simplified version as cilia or fins. One side of the “swimmer” is colored gold to make it easier to see, the other is greyscale. Where the barbs are injected into Cenotaph’s exoskeleton, there are thick black lines of scar tissue around them.

The final drawing is labled, “Stylized”, and shows a three-dimensional cartoon rabbit walking on all fours, with an orange and yellow wheelchair holding its back legs up off the ground, with orange straps and yellow cushioning. The rabbit is dark brown, with three black stripes on its back, a black fluffy tail, and two stripes, one thick, the other thin, on its ankles and ears, with a single large orange eye with a brown slit pupil in the center of its face instead of a mouth.

End ID.]

---

An original character / self insert created for the setting of Edwin Abbot Abbot's Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions, which is public domain.

You can read or download it for free from Project Gutenberg here:

"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/201"

There's a great free audiobook on the web archive here:

"https://archive.org/details/Flatland_Book/01+1+-+Flatland.mp3"

My art (including many more than shown here!) of this character can be downloaded in HD from the web archive here:

"https://archive.org/details/hauntlight-the-irregular-line"

You can also check out the tags here on tumblr, "Hauntlight the Irregular Line", and "Cenotaph the rabbit aether".

[squishiest-grape]

Shower Thoughts - I was wrong about platonic solids and dice rolling

You actually can achive a uniform roll of any multiple of 2, 3, and 5 by rolling only platonic solids (d4, d6, d8, d12, d20). This assumes you are allowed to relable the sides and add up the dice.

In an earlier post, I had thought you could only do powers of 2, 3, 5, 6, 10, 12, and 20; but... 7 months later I randomly realized I was wrong.

Let's say you wanted an effective d15. You could simply take a d20 labled 1-5 four times and add it to a d6 labled [00, 05, 10] two times.

The important thing when adding dice, is that each higher value dice is incremented in values of maximum sum of the prior dice.

[fujoshifrasier]

my tumblr feed is just:

dorian

Dorian

dorian

nat

nat

zane

nat

dorian

Based on your likes!: Gif of Metal Gear Solid characters labled "My Dick" and "My Balls"

dorian

Dorian

clara

dorian

nat

nat

nat

dorian

dorian

dorian

Dorian

[cowboy-robooty]

Last year I had a chemistry teacher who is like 70 years old and in his introduction he was like "AND I AM FIRM IN MY POLITICAL BELIEFS" and shit like that and i was like omfg no i hope this guy isnt annoying as shit. This is aids. but then I found out that his "politics" is just that he will kill you if you try to convince him climate change isn't real because he's literally an environmental scientist. and im like no this is actually awezome dude you should keep beating the shit out of people who try to say climate change isnt real. and like I mentioned this as a funny story to my classmates who had different chem teachers, but they were still icked out by the fact he feels strongly about global warming and im like ????? WHEN HAS CARING ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT A LOT BECOME UNCOOL??????????? TF????? ITS SUPER COOL TO BE ADAMANT AND NOT A PANSY ABOUT GIVING A SHIT ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING. I dont know. it makes me angry that climate change is even considered "political" at all. It's like how vaccinations are considered political when I think that health and the safety of our planet's environment are things that shouldn't be slapped with a "political" lable as an excuse for people to not have solid stances and opinions on them. i don't want to discuss my view on politics on the internet, since that will attract unsavory viewers. But this is still my personal blog and I feel very strongly about protecting our environment and it feels so weird that its like "not cool" or whatever

[randomkposts]

This week, I decided for game movies I was going to watch the other clocktowers in the series in video game movie form.

I watched a full gameplay of clocktower 3 many years ago, and fondly remember its absolutely bonkers plotline, and had been meaning to check out the others at some point, so I decided why not now.

I had meant to watch 1 first, but due to 2 being labled as 1, started on that first, which I think worked out pretty well for me actually. I supplemented Knowlege with TV tropes, and learned a lot of what I missed watching the movie.

One of the few flaws with watching a movie, is it doesn't give substituting infromation for why that ending happened , so an ending where a protagonist fails due to lack of infromation when you saw them get it in the gameplay goes unexplained.

It was also good that I watched 2 first as it was the longest, and today I watched 1 and struggle within back to back.

I think the atmosphere of 2 was spookiest to me, or maybe I took more time to think about it. 1 was a solid game, and struggle within was actively funny to me.

Its got a lot of potential for cool concept, with the protagonist being a could be scissorman, and the personality swaps needed to progress throughout the game and interact with characters correctly (or die), was a neat idea. But it missed the mark for spooky atmosphere and landed in funny, as I could not help but crack up whenever the protagonist spoke in the voice of Bates (who did have good voice acting). Particularly When Bates was trying to do a badass boast or be threatning, only to get them taken out like a punk.

Kind of like Freaky, that movie where the serial killer and the protagonist swap bodies, which is a cool concept but failed to do anything particularly cool beyond the concept with it. Except I was more entertained by this then Freaky.

Then I watched most of the first hour of Parasite Eve 2. I liked Parasite Eve 1 better so far, as it had a cooler setup, and characters, particularly Daniel who was great, but I like Aya, and am curious to see what she gets up to, and if the follow up games are as much of a letdown as people say. I'll have to see.

[british-carbaryl-blog]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Vintage Brass New Orleans Theater Mask Mardi Gras Comedy and Tragedy 7.5".

[soft-pine]

hey hi! i will always engage in good faith if that's what's on the table! i was a little sad when i scrolled your blog to get a sense of where you're at to see the preceding posts were all just criticism of me but that's okay i guess.

but let's dig in. you're right that there's basically no sam in "the body keeps the score" that's my b. i should have been clearer that as a deangirl (gn) that's a collection page mostly for that and i will correctly lable it as such. however, all the instances you note that would fit in that category, do fit and will be added to the "romantic encounters" page because that is more wholistic (and sometimes redundant) and anything that happens to sam should be included there. you will see, for example, that the toni bevell assault is there as well as one of the hallucination assault implications but i've added the others, thank you!! (the "solid b on the tongue action" scene from 11.10 seems to me to be lucifer commenting on how sam is kissing the girl in the flash back... but im not as familiar with samgirl readings so if i'm understanding you correctly, you're saying this also implies he was talking about assaulting/kissing sam himself?)

the soulless sam one is easy! those don't count in the math summaries. i just take note of them but i don't know if you can see the "countif" formatting on your end but anything that isn't actually sam, isn't counted as sam and vice versa etc etc!

i think the gender police ones are trickier. personally, i feel like the comment about dean and kids fits within a larger pattern of sam commenting on and being surprised by dean doing traditionally feminine things (eg. "i didnt think you knew what a kitchen was" in 8.14 and making comments about dean knowing about spas in 7.05). so i am going to leave it in. but the "take a walk type" comment certainly registers for me if not to the full extent it does for you so in it goes! again, the comment about dean not going to a bar in 5.14 is part of a pattern of sam expecting dean to flirt and be interested in women and commenting when he's not doing that so it stays.

i hear your point about "you never even tried" but the expectation that dean would and should settle down with lisa and "go to football games, live some apple pie life" is enough a part of heteronormative expectations or desires about family that even with added layers, that counts for me.

i hear you about lines that seem like a stretch and in fact as i was working on this category, i was thinking of the blurred line between that kind of thing and just being kind of a dick. i think the thing i'm trying to note with some of them is sam pointing out dean liking romantic things (the titanic) or shopping (eg for cowboy outfits) but that really is all based on how you interpret those things and i will definitely think about if they ought not go in the general judgements tab which is woefully not fleshed out right now.

bitch/jerk point taken and ill add them!

i have to push back a bit about the jack moments cause i have been litigating this for a while on here and while i'm totally open to specific ones being pointed out, i am a little grumpy about being told i must be missing so much just based on the feeling people have that i must be wrong!

yes insults and self worth is definitely mostly populated by stuff about dean or them both but that's one of the ones i'm aiming to correct on my current rewatch! i say a bunch of times in notes throughout that im doing my best but this started as just notes for me and things are skewed from that lens but i am planning on tidying it up and making those things more clear (like today bc its going around again oops).

i appreciate your time and care in reading and responding and please know that this level of critique and questioning will always always be welcome! i hope i addressed all your concerns!

also i definitely think you should do this kind of thing yourself cause you find some interesting unexpected patterns sometimes and in general data is fun (even if there's no perfect way to numerically summarize it all)

lastly, i have to say that im a survivor of familial CSA and find w*ncest shit really triggering. i've noticed a few likes since your reblog that seem to come from that side of fandom. if that's something you ship, i would appreciate if we ended our communication here.

ever ask yourself how many times do sam & dean actually apologize in supernatural? who's more conscious of money and getting food? how sam & dean's feelings about john change over the course of the show? is sam actually more scrutinized for gender expression than dean? who most often disposes of corpses? WELL! I've finally finished my incredibly, long, in depth rewatch notes document! And it has the answers to all those questions and more!

[cloudie-skay]

This would have been a post befitting of Pride month but I say I can post about sexuality and gender any damn time I want. I also just want this written down somewhere

Identity is one shitty puzzle and I lost the box for it ages ago

It was easy to accept that I was nonbinary. It's one of the first things I discovered about myself when the idea of different genders and sexualities was just getting introduced to me. There were signs that even a younger me recognised. I have journal entries dating to 2016 where I referred to my as a gender-neutral person back when I thought I was inventing the term. I told my best friend I was genderfluid but then whenever they asked what pronouns I felt like that day it was always they/them. There had always been some sort of disconnect when people called me a girl that I couldn't quite pinpoint. So when I stared at the definition of nonbinary for maybe a bit too long, it all kinda clicked in place.

It was easy to accept that I was asexual. Getting rid of all the imbalanced hormones and religious trauma, there was no desire left. There was a morbid curiosity for something I was barred from really knowing about but then that was it? Catholic school really scared us into thinking we'd become deranged sex addicts if we looked at porn at all. Then came how others described how they perceived attractive people. Sometimes it came with an underlying motivation that I didn't really understand. I really went through life thinking sexual attraction was some sort of inside joke I just didn't quite get yet because I haven't had sex. Though it didn't initially occur to me that it was because I simply didn't have any sexual attraction, I figure it out eventually. At this point, I wouldn't bat an eye if it turns out I'm demisexual instead though.

Despite all these lables seeming slotting into my identity pretty neatly, it was not and still isn't easy to come to terms that I might be aromantic. To me it simultaneously doesn't make any sense and makes too much sense.

I'm a hopeless romantic, I say with emphasis on hopeless every single time. I've had crushes, I've dated people, and I have a desire for romance! Surely that means something?

But I fantasise over the most mundane things, I read fairy tales of princesses and their knights, I watched movies of people falling in love. Maybe the romance I want isn't something I could even get.

I want to love and be loved in that way. I want the intimacy and emotions you get from romantic love. I've always wanted that kind of love where you are each other's world, where you put each other over most else. I still want to be held desperately close by the person who knows me like the back of their hand, as I do them

But whenever I think of these scenarios and images, I can never really put someone there with me. There's never a solid image of someone in my life that I could fully imagine doing those act with.

The pessimistic side of me thinks I'll feel like this forever, that I'm just not built for that kind of love no matter how hard I try. And that I shouldn't pull someone through my fantasies without loving them the same way.

The desperate optimistic side of me thinks that maybe I just need to find the right person. That when I finally do, I would pour all this bottled up love on them as soon as I can. Maybe even a little scared that I'd love too intensely.

As of now, I can't piece that part of my identity and even then, I don't even know if I'd like what piece ends up fitting in that empty space. I feel like that this point, I'm avoiding finishing the puzzle because halfway in, I realised I didn't like the picture I was about to complete.

I like the parts I did put together before, and I'll probably stare at the unfinished puzzle for a while before I dare put it together fully