#sociology tutor

[espdschool1]

ESPD has effective Online A Level Sociology Tutors at Barnet and GCSE Sociology Tuition. Come and visit our website.

[pollen]

throwing this out there again that i'm more than happy to take a look at resumes (with personal info redacted) or to do a pass on any papers or assignments you might have for proofing and editing or hop in as a consultant for any reason <33 all for free. i promise i'm nice and have lots of experience with it and genuinely love doing it

[professoredu]

I will do philosophy, psychology, sociology and religion projects, essays, assignments, coursework and more

[frick-yes-dragons]

tutors who straight up LIE when you ask them any simple question >>>>

[averagegorewriter101]

There is a lot of things I didn’t expect when going to community college, one of them was a leaked photo of a well known homophobic guy who calls himself “gods gift” wearing a cheerleader outfit

[lovelookspretty]

not so bad

— in which rafe and y/n absolutely despise each other in public but crush in secret. rafe is failing his humanities class & is assigned y/n as his tutor . . . maybe all it took for this relationship to form was just a bit of forced proximity and some time.

college!rafe cameron x reader au

warning(s): n/a. just a bitchy rafe whos generous n gets awkward as fuck when it comes to u

authors note: college!rafe is lowkey nicer to y/n since he can’t help his buried feelings !! but he’s still an ass. i wouldve casted drew as himself but drew is too sweet i cant even imagine him having like a female sworn enemy that he lowk has a crush on

one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine

the door swings open, revealing rafe himself. he’s silent as soon as he sees you. “lock the door,” he says as he turns around and starts to head further inside, leaving you at the entrance.

“lock the door,” you mock-mumble under your breath as you enter, closing and locking the door behind you like you’re told. you look around, realizing you’ve never actually seen rafe’s dorm before. his friends’ dorms maybe, but never his.

his dorm is surprisingly clean, with only empty to fully filled water bottles scattered around, but very few. both sides of the room are displayed with posters on its walls, you can fell which bed is his and it’s made with its sheets tucked tightly in the crevices with two large pillows at the head of it.

you watch as he walks over to his desk and sits in the chair, opening up his laptop to the online textbook provided for the class.

he peers over his shoulder to glance at you, “can you fucking—i don’t know—sit down somewhere? the furniture isn’t coated in poison, you know.”

you fight the urge to make a remark, and you just sigh and let it go. “kay!” you say, and carefully making your way over to sit on the edge of his bed, placing your bag by your side. you catch his eye when you reply so eagerly without a problem, but you ignore this.

“where’s your roommate?” you ask him, looking around. “just wanna make sure when i need to expect someone- also, typically i charge for tutoring, and if crawford is making me tutor you then i’m charging you double. hundred-fifty an hour.”

rafe looks pissed, shaking his head and opening his mouth like he’s about to argue before closing it again. finally, he sighs, leaning against the wall by the kitchen. “my roommate’s just . . . out . . . today. he’s running errands. whatever, can we just get this over with? i’ll pay you after.”

you grin, feeling even satisified that rafe has to use his own cash to pay for however long this will take. “have a girl coming over tonight?” you guess from the way he’s rushing you. you reach into your bag for your ipad, “this wouldn’t be happening if you’d just pay attention in class, you know.”

“i know," rafe mutters, still annoyed but trying not to show it. "i just don't get how humanities could be important in the real world," he says, running a hand through his hair before resting the side of his head against his spread index finger and thumb, looking at you. “or my world, i mean.”

“still trying to do real estate?” you puzzle, pulling up the notes you took during class for him to look at. “it’s like your dad’s job, right? the cameron department thing.”

“cameron development,” he corrects you, hissing through his teeth.

“whatever. just surprised you’re not pursing sex work from all the girls i see you pull into bathrooms at parties,” you mutter out the end of your sentence under your breath, in a way not wanting to bring up that you’ve even noticed that before . . . again . . . and again . . .

“yeah?” he seems amused. “sex could sell more homes than fuckin’ humanities ever could.”

“sex?” you repeat with raised brows. “damn near prostitution versus political science, sociology, journalism, anthropology,” you name off as you lean left and right in your seat, pretending to think and weigh out your options. “yeah, maybe passing your humanities class can be a good thing! pull up your notes, please?”

“i did," rafe grumbles, gesturing to his laptop.

“i said notes, not the textbook. i wanna see what you’ve even written down while in class,” you say.

he’s silent as he opens up his documents, and he pulls up his most recent document filed under notes. he hands his laptop over to you as he leans back in his seat. you look over his text.

furrowing your eyebrows, you say, “okay, so you . . . you wrote the title of his lesson yesterday. that’s good. but under that you didn’t even write down any notes, you just have someone’s phone number. are you that predictable?”

he chews on his dog tag necklace and shrugs, taking his laptop back. “she was new. just wanted to make a friend,” he insists, closing out the tab.

you hum. you don’t really believe him but it isn’t like you care enough to argue over that. you hand him your ipad to show him your notes. “we’ll start at the beginning of the unit,” you tell him as he takes it.

rafe lets out a breath from his nose as he matches your energy from before, “‘kay!” he skims over your writing, gnawing on his pencil quietly.

you almost catch yourself smiling that he does this, but you refrain.

the lesson seems to be going better than you thought, though there are some pissed glances here and there from both sides. it takes two hours to go over the unit with examples and practices. you’re already exhausted.

finally, after what feels like an eternity, the lesson ends. rafe slumps back in his chair, relieved to be done with the humanities assignments that you made him do for now. he looks up at you, barely casting a smile your way. “thanks for the help,” he mumbles, awkwardly meeting your gaze.

“thanks for the money,” you say, half-reminding him that he needs to hold up his end of the deal as you stand from your seat.

as he stands, he bumps into your ipad on his desk. it collides with his opened water bottle he’d been drinking out of the past hour or so and both of you know what’s about to happen. you blurt out a noise and try to dodge the water coming your way but fail, getting his water on your legs and even more pouring at your crocs that invite even more liquid in. you can just feel your socks absorbing it now.

rafe grimaces as he stares down at your wet legs, and the least he does is reaches down to grab the bottle and the cap that flew off the desk. he closes it up and sets it on his desk as you take off your shoes and socks, holding them with barely your fingers.

“i have uh . . . towels, paper towels,” he says, and you just nod immediately, accepting whatever to dry yourself off.

when he comes back, you grab the paper towels and shove your soggy socks into his chest which he takes out of instinct before exclaiming and dropping them on the floor. you can’t help but look back and glare at him before patting your legs dry, and then tossing the paper towel into the nearby trash can that sat at one of the ends of his desk.

you can see rafe shrug as he picks up your socks and hovers over his trash can too. “might as well,” he murmurs.

“wh— are you serious?” you try to catch the socks, but then again, he’s too far and you have no business carrying some wet ass socks back to your dorm. your hands fall to your sides as you sigh.

it’s like he’s visibly contemplating (or debating with himself) before he walks over to his dresser and rummages through a drawer, finally pulling out a pair of socks. “here,” he says, tossing them to you, which you almost fail to catch from the sudden surprise. “they’re clean. swear.”

you give him a doubtful look. “i didn’t need your socks. i have plenty in my own drawer, thanks,” you say, placing the pair on his desk to reject them, and he stares at you.

he shakes his head and turns around. “so difficult,” he murmurs under his breath, and he quickly cleans up his drawer before closing it.

he grabs his wallet from on top of the dresser too, pulling out the wad of cash. you can tell from the look on his face that he’s not only doing this to count his money properly but also to subtly flex right in front of you. you roll your eyes and look away.

he counts out his three-hundred before handing it to you, scrunching up his nose as he stuffs his wallet into his pocket. you stare at the money, then take it while giving him a glare.

you quickly count it but bless, there’s two hundred dollar bills and then five twenty’s. perfect.

“okay, good luck on your exam,” you say and grab your bag, heading for the door like you’re in a hurry this time.

“wait,” rafe says, and you almost groan from annoyance. you just want to go back to your dorm. “here,” he mumbles to himself, and he steps over to the mini-fridge in the corner. he opens it up and grabs a water bottle, then tosses it to you.

“rafe,” you say, not really expecting all of these ‘gifts’ just for screaming at him for two hours about humanities. you toss it back to him, which he catches.

“just for the road,” he insists with a shake of his head. “since i spilled mine on you.”

you stare at him like he’s stupid. “dude, i live down the hallway.”

when you see his awkward reaction, you almost feel bad. actually you do. and it’s weird. usually you don’t notice this at all, but something about rafe feeling dumb about trying to thank you just makes you feel guilty for how you’ve treated him. fine.

you give him a look like you’re saying okay. that it’s okay to give you gifts and that you’re okay with receiving them. rafe doesn’t even cast a smile, he just nods. you squint your eyes at him before heading for his door again.

rafe meets you there and holds out the water bottle for you. you look up at him and take it. you almost smile, and it seems like he might too, but you both catch yourselves and quickly look away.

“ace your exam so you won’t have to hear from me like this again,” you say, half-joking to keep up their normal behavior.

“i’ll try, i’ll try,” he says simply, and stands at his door while you leave. you raise your eyebrows once before heading off to your dorm, taking your bag and your water bottle with you. you hear his door shut from behind you.

as you walk away, you can’t help but replay the moment in your head, the weird sense of camaraderie that just occurred. maybe, just maybe, rafe cameron isn’t the most horrible person on the planet. and it doesn’t help that he’s unfortunately attractive, which makes it slightly more difficult now to keep up the mutual hatred you have for each other.

from inside the dorm, rafe stands there for a moment, staring at the closed door. he shakes his head, a small, almost imperceptible smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“not so bad,” he mutters to himself before turning back to his desk, ready to tackle his upcoming humanities exam thanks to you.

[i23kazu]

GENSHIN MEN & BEING YOUR COLLEGE CLASSMATE .

characters. xiao diluc kaeya childe ayato alhaitham kaveh scara x gn!reader genre. romantic fluff. an. some professors, some students!!! come n see my headcanons hehe . | please reblog!! im getting back into writing and reblogs with tags and comments will make me want to write more :D

xiao

a history major. specifically in liyue studies – sometimes he corrects the professor. "were you there in (time period), xiao? do you want to say something about it?" the professor asks sarcastically. the whole class is shocked when xiao nods and takes over the class. the professor has nothing else to say. of course, after class — it’s a little hard to get xiao to agree to tutor you — why should he spend his time teaching someone who doesn’t give their 100% in class? it’s only when you bring up the point that your professor sucks that he agrees. and maybe, just maybe after all that time the two of you spend together… maybe something will happen?

diluc

business major, but does a double degree with political science. he's a force to be reckoned with in class, often standing his point with ease and with the obstinacy of a mule – especially when it's something that he holds close to his heart. the first time you fell in love with diluc was when he had passionately entered a debate regarding mondstadt and snezhnaya's diplomatic situation. for a man of few words, diluc's speech can turn heads – even yours. you did well, for your first debate, you tease. he barks a laugh and turns back to his laptop.

kaeya

fashion major... he comes to class in the most immaculate outfits. some might say he looks goofy, but that's just his thing! nothing looks goofy on him and he can absolutely pull off everything. he's definitely the class flirt, using measuring tape to pull the ones he's set his eyes upon closer. you roll his eyes as his tablemate, often trying to focus on your own creations – but how can you focus when he looks like... that? measuring tape around his neck, pencil held sticking out of his mouth and his hair covering his eyes. he may not have been objectively attractive at that point in time, but there's something about him that makes him so fascinating.

childe

childe is a occupational therapy major, with a minor in social science! he has a heart for the people and he wants to do his best to serve them ... although his ways of "serving" can look quite different sometimes. he lives, breathes, eats and drinks fitness and maybe half of his body mass lies in the protein powder he takes every morning. he's buff, but he's definitely a sweetheart – and a heartthrob, in his major. he's happy to help people out, just that... ah, his group of friends may not exactly seem the friendliest around. childe is different from his friends, though; give him a chance! he's plotting so many ways to ask you out.

ayato

ayato is definitely a business major! just like diluc, he does a double degree – his secondary major is international relations. after stepping up as the CEO of the kamisato company ( at age 20?! ), ayato had decided to take his studies further. ayato is definitely an overachiever and he was turned down from taking another sociology course because he had gone over the amount of credits needed for the next four years. the thing about ayato is that he isn't exactly the most approachable or the friendliest – or so you think. no one approaches him for him for him, but everyone knows that he's the most reliable one around. perhaps you'd like to be the first to make a move?

alhaitham

linguistics ( obviously! ) and also a social science student. he's the senior that everyone is entranced by – he's absolutely fascinating. there's something about his aloofness and yet an ability to connect to people he wants to reach out to that makes him so ... interesting. alhaitham is a man of little words, which means that whenever he opens his mouth – everyone will listen. alhaitham is definitely the classmate you envy; his life always looks so put together! when you ask him to tutor you, he says nothing else except for the date, time, and location. but he is there at the date, time, and location – and that's what matters.

kaveh

he's definitely the struggling, caffeine filled architecture major. he burns his wallet buying ice cream sticks and cardboard each week, and his hands are almost always full with his materials. honestly, at some point, kaveh had almost set his mind on dropping out – until you had convinced him to stay. it took a long walk and a trip to the nearest art store to remind him of why he had chosen architecture in the first place – and it's safe to say that kaveh had fallen head over heels for you after that. you're his safe place in a course so exhausting.

scara

a dropout definitely a media student! scara takes no shits from his clients, but that's part of his brand. he's the brooding guy at the back of the class, with his signature hoodie – it's one of the seven mysteries of teyvat university; of how he and childe are best friends. grumpy black cat and sunshine orange cat. scara doesn't enjoy interacting with anyone. at most, he talks to you when he needs to, because of the seating arrangement. there are rumours surrounding him, saying that he was kicked out of the law school because of his affiliation with... certain people, rendering his reputation hopeless. nevertheless, you treat him as you would with anyone else – and maybe, just maybe: that wins you a spot in his heart.

taglist: @tiredsleep @loptido @raincxtter @chichikoi @ladyadii @soulsanta @sheiiths @genshinparty @eowinthetraveler @moonbyunniee @legitnoi @lemontum @manager-of-the-pudding-bank @starz222 @ilyuu @cherry-colored-petals @mondaymelon @tartaglia-apologist @soleillunne @m1shapanda @aimynx @smokipoki @adeptuscharm @diorlumx @vennnnn-diagram @ryuryuryuyurboat @yuminako @st0pthatsgay @aqualesha @sixtynintharchon @supernova25 @kunikuda-simp @starglitterz (send ask/comment to be added to taglist)

reblogs w/ tags & comments help me lots !!! if you liked this, please consider dropping me a follow as well :-) they all go a long way!

[purplecoffee13]

Mr. Sunshine - pt. 1

Summary: Harry is a chipper guy with a dimpled smile, amazing coffee, and a need for a tutor. You are a smart girl with an obsession with caffeine and a distaste for people. Harry is infatuated with you from the day he met you, and now he’s determined to spend more time, even if that means bribing you with coffee.

Wc: 2.5k

Tropes: grumpy!MC x sunshine!Harry (based off this ask)

Warnings: none. (for now *evil snicker*)

A/N: tumblr won’t let me add a picture for some reason, but just know that I was going to add the one of dunkirk!Harry in an orange sweater and green pants, leaned against the wall with his jaw clenched as he looks at a guy’s phone. I love that picture of him. Okay, anyways, enjoy!

Masterlist

Harry Styles has been obsessed with you from the very first year of Uni. He was paired with you and two other people on a sociology project, and since then, he has been enamored with everything about you.

It wasn't like your charm took him over. If anything, your silent glare is what drew him in. You guys seemed to have the laziest project partners because they barely helped, and whatever suggestions they did have were absolutely useless.

You were a quiet girl. Not necessarily because you were shy, but because you simply didn't feel like talking. You would usually say no more than ten sentences during a group meeting, but everything you did say was always of substance.

The first time you were alone with Harry, it was in the library, where you were supposed to have a group meeting to revise each other's work that you had all divided up. Harry and you were the only ones who actually showed up, and ended up revising each other's, and then the others' work that they had sent via e-mail.

Harry had never laughed harder than that day.

The comments you made while revising their work were so witty and sharp. Their work was incredibly bad, most of the spelling was even wrong. It was quite literally a train wreck, but your quick mindedness kept Harry's dimples on display.

You hadn't even tried to be funny, and you had never experienced someone actually liking what you said and being interested in it. It made you feel weird.

After that, you were sure you would never see Harry again. He was on the rugby team, very popular with the ladies and seemed to have a busy schedule with all the parties he went to. You weren't a stalker, but your roommate couldn't stop talking about him ever since they hooked up somewhere in the first month of uni. She was determined to go to every party Harry went to, as an attempt to sleep with him again, and Y/N had to hear all about it. She was glad her roommate graduated last year, her new roommate was way nicer anyway.

You didn't go to parties. It wasn't like you hadn't tried; you went to three parties in the first week. But that turned out to be the worst decision of your entire life... oh well, that's wasn't the point. The point was, there was no scenario in which you would ever cross paths with Harry again. Except that there was, apparently.

After the summer, fresh in your second year, you entered the auditorium for the introduction class for second years. It was nothing special, just a little welcome back with a presentation on what to expect for this year.

You decided to sit at the front. The louder people usually sat in the back, so you wouldn't be bothered here anyway. You had comfortably taken a seat in the first row, knowing many people would be too weirded out to sit so up close anyway. But about five minutes before orientation begin, you heard the seat next to you creak, and Harry Styles sat down next to you.

"Hi." He smiled at you.

"Hey." You greeted him back, glancing at the podium to see how long it would take for the presentation to start. You hated chit chat, and you knew he could talk a lot.

"How was your summer?" He asked, ever so polite. That was one thing about Harry, he was always nice and sweet. It didn't exactly go with his college reputation, but you also didn't expect any differently from him.

"Oh, just peachy." You said in a bit of a monotone voice, leaning back into your seat, and keeping your eyes fixated on the screen even though there was nothing to see yet. You were in no interest to keep this conversation going. You had chosen the bloody front seats for god's sake!

"Good to hear." Harry grinned at your sarcastic response, turning his head to the podium alike. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about your beautiful face and your ability to give him a stomach ache from laughing all summer. When he saw you sitting alone, he knew it was the perfect opportunity to approach you.

There was about ten seconds of silence, ten beautiful and peaceful seconds. But then it started. That nagging feeling inside of you, and it didn't take you two more seconds before you succumbed to it.

"How was your summer?" You said so softly it could almost be classified as a whisper. Harry's head shot your way, his eyebrows raised.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" You heard the amusement in Harry's tone, and you immediately regretted ever speaking up. You turned your head to him with a fake smile.

"I said, how was your summer, Harry?"

Wow, he liked that.

You had never said his name before, not even when you were in that group project with him. Harry only realized that now that his name fell from your lips. Now, he was definitely going to try and make you say his name more. He liked the way it just rolled off your tongue, even though saying that sentences seemed like a bit of a struggle.

"Why, thank you for asking Y/N! My summer was splendid." He said with an overly excited tone that made you want to push him out of the chair.

"Good to hear." You repeated his words in a murmur. Another few empty seconds went by, and you felt like you had fulfilled your duty. Now you wouldn't have to feel guilty about being impolite, and—

"Yeah, I mean, I went to this surf camp somewhere in Portugal. It was pretty cool. And after that, I went to the Amalfi Coast for a week and a half. Have you ever been to the Amalfi Coast, Y/N? Because I hadn't, and honestly it was even better than I expected. A little touristy though, but I guess that just had mostly to do with the season."

Oh my god. Your face paled. He wouldn't stop talking. Uninterrupted, he kept yapping on and on about this surf camp and the Italian cuisine for three minutes. It were the longest minutes of your life.

But you didn't shush him. You weren't sure why. You knew he was doing this to tease you, but a part of you didn't want to be disrespectful and cut him off. He was the only one who had actually delivered work and showed up to every meeting last year, and he had been nothing but nice to you. So, despite him being an annoying pain in the ass, you decided to just let him talk.

Harry couldn't believe you just let him talk.

He was waiting for you to shut him down, but you didn't. He was able to keep going until the presentation begun. And although you didn't give any verbal input nor did you look at him the entire time he was speaking, he still couldn't believe you let him annoy you without even so much as a death glare. He had never been happier about being ignored.

He kept quiet for the orientation, but it took no longer than fifteen minutes before the presentation ended and everyone was free to go. You took your time with packing your notebook into your bag, mainly to avoid the crowd at the exit.

Harry was waiting until you'd stand up, to walk out of class together, but his friends mobbed him and pulled him along to go and get beer for some king of party that same night. He could've killed his friends. He felt like he blew his shot with you now, but he wasn't going to give up.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

*four weeks later*

You stare at the styrofoam cup in Harry's hands, a bored frown on your face as you look from the cup up at him.

"I bought you coffee." He says. His voice seems relaxed, but there is a hint of stress behind it that you can detect for some reason.

"I didn't ask." You reply in a bored tone, taking the cup out of his hands and taking a sip. Caramel Macchiato. "Thank you."

The corner of Harry's mouth tugs up, and he takes a seat besides you on the park bench. His arm is stretched out behind you, and he turns his entire body towards you. You, however, keep reading your book just like you were doing before he pushed that delicious coffee in your face.

"Y/N." Harry tried to grab your attention, but you keep your eyes fixated on the book.

"Harry." You echo his name.

"You would say we're friends, right?"

"I would not."

"Yes we are." Harry chuckles, but he sounds a bit defensive. You finally look up at him, your face stern as ever.

"I don't think we qualify as friends. Maybe acquaintances." You shake your head.

"We sit next to each other in every class we have together. You like me and we're friends, just admit it, Y/N." He teases. He knows you two are friends, but you are too stubborn to call it a friendship. He also knows that stems from the fact that you haven't had many friends, and thus it is not some kind of way to hurt his feelings.

"I tolerate you."

"You love me."

"You're just lucky I haven't pushed you off this bench."

"There's no point in denying it, Y/N." He dramatically sighs, and you clench your teeth at his toothy grin. You roll your eyes and go back to reading your book. You have learned over the last four weeks that it is best to ignore him. Kind of like a puppy. It stops misbehaving once your turn your back to it.

"So, now that we've established that we are best friends forever, I wanted to ask you a favor."

There we go, you knew there was a catch to this ridiculously good caramel macchiato. Seriously, where did he buy this?

"No." You instantly reply.

"You don't even know what I was going to ask yet."

"If it involves you then I want no part in it."

"Oi! Now that's not how it works, silly! Being friends means you want to be around each other. That's the difference between friends and strangers." He over explains it to you like he would to a child, lightly patting you on your shoulder.

You let out a big sigh, then shut your book and open your bag, getting ready to leave. Harry is being too annoying today; his chipper energy always throws you off. You get up and walk away, taking another sip of the coffee he bought for you. The warm liquid is so smooth and sweet, sugary but just the right amount.

Fuck...

You stop in your tracks, and turn around, walking back to Harry. He is surprised to see you returning to him, and his stomach tenses up out of excitement.

"Where did you get this." You point at the coffee in your right hand. Harry slouches a bit, his legs spread wide. Your eyes accidentally trail off to his legs, but you quickly regain your focus. This is not what that's about— why did you even do that?

Harry, however, has a shit eating grin on his face. He noticed it, the distraction in your eyes. Bingo, he thought. That was his sign.

"Tutor me, and I'll tell you." Harry throws the offer straight on the table.

That's what he came to ask you? Jesus Christ...

"Why?"

"I can't make sense of literature class. I need your help. You're good at writing, I saw the grade you got on that first paper."

He's right, you are good at writing. You've always loved literature and all the theories that came with it. It kind of came with being a loner, you guessed. Or maybe you are such a loner because of your preference of books over people. That thought threw you for a loop, but you quickly got out of your head.

You weigh out the pros and cons of tutoring Harry. You wouldn't ask him for money, because you feel like you know him too well for that. Plus, it just feels like ripping him off, especially when it comes to tutoring literature theories. So what other pros are there besides him bringing you coffee? None. The cons consist of quite literally everything else that comes with tutoring Harry: the free time that you have to dedicate to him, his loud presence, him...

"If you bring me one of these to every session, I will help you." You say, going against your own better judgment. Harry's eyes light up.

Your brain scrambles to understand why you are feeling so opposed to rejecting Harry in any sense of the word, but you can't seem to figure out where the pit in your stomach comes from any time you want to be mean to Harry.

"Really?" He asks in pure disbelief.

"Don't question it, I'll change my mind."

"You're right, you're right." He throws his hands up, a sliver of stress flashing over his face that makes you want lift up the corners of your mouth. Harry gets up and puts his arms around you. You just stand there, one arm stretched out, trying to protect your coffee.

"What are you doing?" You ask, an uncomfortable frown on your face.

"I'm hugging you."

"Well don't. You're separating me from my coffee." You say, and Harry laughs at the strained sound of your voice. He is smiling at you once pulled out of the hug.

"Alright, I've got to split. We'll text about when and where?" He asks, slinging his book bag over shoulder. He turns around to walk away, but he looks back when you speak up again.

"You don't have my number." You say, to yourself just as much as to him.

"Don't worry about it." He calls out and disappears into the distance before you can say another word.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

*5 hours later*

Unknown number:

Hey teach. Told you not to worry about it ;)

You:

Is this the part where I file a police report?

Unknown Number:

If you never want to see that caramel macchiato again, then be my guest.

Anyways, I was thinking about wednesday at 4. That a good time for you, teach?

You:

Not if you keep calling me 'teach'.

Unknown Number:

Right. I'll let you choose another nickname. You have the choice between: buttercup, peanut, or cuddle cakes.

You:

You know what, I'll find that coffee place by myself.

Unknown Number:

Ah, c'mon. I threw cuddle cakes in there especially for you. Personally, I prefer ‘munchkin’.

Y/N? Wednesday work for you?

Hello?

Okay fine sorry, I'll bring the coffee and I won’t call you cuddle cakes.

Please reply, I'm desperate.

You:

Yes, I can see that from the four consecutive texts.

Unknown Number:

:)

You:

Wednesday's fine. See you then.

Unknown Number:

Great. See you then sweet cheeks.

You:

I'm blocking you.

Unknown Number:

Blocking me is blocking the access

to that caramel macchiato.

*seen*

See you Wednesday ;)

[covid-safer-hotties]

With COVID-19 relief gone, teachers are losing their jobs. It's a blow to diversity. - Published Sept 3, 2024

Erica Popoca's ninth grade English students were livid in the spring when she told them she wouldn't be back to teach this fall.

The district where she works in Hartford, Connecticut, terminated her contract because the COVID-19 relief money that covered her salary was about to dry up. Newer teachers such as Popoca were the first to be cut. Her students wrote letters urging school board members to change their minds.

Popoca, the founding adviser of the multilingual student club, worried she would lose bonds with Latino students she had taught for two years who identify with her culturally as a Latina and as one of the few teachers who speaks Spanish at the school.

The district ultimately came up with other funding to pay her, and in a win for her and her students, officials reversed the layoff.

Popoca is among the thousands of teachers and school staffers across the U.S. at risk of losing their jobs as districts balance their budgets and prepare for the shortfall after COVID-19 relief money expires. Districts have been scrambling to put unfunded staffers into different roles. The reality is that many students will lose contact with adults with whom they have built relationships in recent years.

The Biden administration granted schools $189.5 billion over the past few years through the Elementary and Secondary School Emergency Relief Fund (ESSER) under the American Rescue Plan Act. School officials have until the end of September to commit the remainder of their money, and districts will no longer be able to pay for nonteaching staff roles with that money after Sept. 30. Schools nationwide used most of their relief fund money to pay for classroom teachers and support staff, according to a U.S. Department of Education analysis of district spending for fiscal year 2022. Districts across the country are now laying off recently hired educators, teaching assistants, counselors, restorative justice coordinators and other key staff at schools, or they're scrambling to find ways to retain them.

A recent survey of 190 district leaders by the nonprofit research group Rand found that teacher reductions were "the most common budget cut" officials anticipated. Conversations about staff layoffs cropped up in at least 28 districts ahead of the upcoming fiscal cliff, according to a tracker of media reports from the Georgetown University-based research center Edunomics Lab, which monitors potential layoffs at districts.

The post-pandemic layoffs have been widespread. Montana's Helena Public Schools cut 36 positions, including 21 teachers. The Arlington Independent School District in Texas cut 275 positions, including counselors, tutors and teaching support staff.

Newer teachers are the first to go in states that allow or require districts to use "last-in-first-out" policies, which protect tenured teachers – and many people terminated will be staffers of color, said Aaron Pallas, a professor of sociology and education at Columbia University. States that diversified their educator workforce in the past several years will see a backslide in that progress since "recently hired staff who are often more diverse" will be "laid off more than experienced staff who often are more traditionally white," he said.

Schools serving low-income students will be hit hardest by the shift in funding because those campuses received more federal relief money, Pallas said.

Schools were required to comply with some equity provisions when obligating the relief money. The end of the funding will disparately affect students of color and kids in high-poverty neighborhoods.

Popoca, who comes from the Bronx in New York City, is concerned about what the losses will mean for her school.

"I am relieved but wary because quite a few positions are still vacant," she said. "We don’t have the amount of staff we're supposed to have, and I'm concerned about how the lack of staff is going to impact the students and the school."

Which states are likely to lose new teachers? At least 11 states – Alaska, California, Hawaii, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Missouri, Nebraska, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Rhode Island – last year had policies explicitly requiring districts to consider seniority in layoff decisions, according to a 2023 analysis from Educators for Excellence, a New York-based nonprofit organization that supports state laws that rid of seniority-based considerations from layoff decisions. Some other states, including Connecticut, where Popoca lives, allow districts to consider seniority in layoff decisions among other factors, but it's not required. Some states ban districts from considering seniority as a factor.

Because junior teachers tend to begin their careers in higher-poverty schools, there could be cases in which schools lose high percentages of their staff, said Marguerite Roza, director of Georgetown University's Edunomics Lab.

"It's really disruptive for students," Roza said. "And it's not great for teachers."

When Popoca told her class of mostly Black and Latino eighth graders last spring that she would be laid off, they were heartbroken. She's one of a few new staffers of color returning to the district this year. A few of her colleagues lost their jobs in the spring and won't be back when school starts, she said.

What should families expect to see at schools? In addition to the emergency funding layoffs, Roza said, many teachers may leave of their own accord. Some districts may also try to shrink their staffing pools with attrition rather than layoffs.

"They're going to hope and pray teachers just leave," Roza said.

Most of the cuts will likely hit the pool of support staff districts beefed up during the pandemic to help kids recover, Columbia's Pallas said.

The counselors, nurses, restorative justice coordinators and teaching assistants added to campus staff in recent years will be gone, and students and their school communities will start to feel that loss by the start of this school year, he said.

Francis Pina is one of several staffers and one of few Black men hired by Boston Public Schools to train teachers how to infuse social-emotional learning into classroom teaching. At the end of last year, he learned his role and the jobs of most new staffers on his team would be dissolved because it was considered a short-term position. Boston Public Schools paid Pina with COVID-19 emergency money through the end of the past academic year.

Pina will return as a high school math teacher this year, but he worries about what will happen to the district's social-emotional learning program.

When he heard his role was coming to an end, Pina said, he was nervous because he felt it was "really important to support students" still facing pandemic-related academic, social and emotional setbacks. He says students in the district haven't worked through all of those losses, even if the district has gone back to the "status quo."

As a Black man who attended Boston Public Schools, he believes he offers a unique perspective to kids, including Black students, and helps them thrive academically and emotionally in school.

"Prioritizing this is important," Pina said. "Kids need to know we care about them."

Teacher diversification will face a setback Diversity among the teaching staff has improved in recent years in Massachusetts, where Pina teaches. But the state's last-in-first-out policy means schools will lose diversification in the workforce, Roza, from the research lab at Georgetown, said.

That's a problem considering students of color are the majority at public schools in the U.S. Nearly one-fourth of public schools did not have an educator of color on staff, according to a May analysis of state-by-state data from TNTP, a nonprofit organization focused on the needs of students of color and those in poverty. Academic studies show students of color perform better academically when they have teachers from diverse backgrounds

There's a surprising reason: Why many schools don't have a single Black teacher

Representation on campuses may be further diminished when the emergency funding ends.

To stave off those losses and rescind seniority-based layoffs, some lawmakers tried to change how layoffs work, but they ran into pushback from the state teachers union, which said the policies harmed protections for senior educators. In March, the Massachusetts Legislature rejected sections of education bills that would have removed seniority considerations as the sole factor for layoffs.

“While we are happy to see the legislature taking strides to improve teacher diversity in Massachusetts, it is disheartening to see that the Education Committee chose not to prioritize protecting these very educators in the event of district layoffs,” Lisa Lazare, executive director of Educators for Excellence's Massachusetts chapter, said in a news release.

More new staffers of color are expected to face layoffs this year, Roza said.

For now, Popoca, in Connecticut, is looking forward to returning to the classroom and seeing her students – many of whom come from Latin American countries and with whom she feels a special bond. She's worried about the cuts, she says, because the school needs more teachers and support staff, not less.

She already has heard from people she knows who had considered entering the teaching profession in Hartford or elsewhere who have pulled back because of the district's lack of money.

"It's really concerning," she said.

[deadbutbetter]

Hi, i'm sorry this is so out of the blue but would you mind sharing sadomasochistic literature recs pls? I love your other rec lists<33

yo not out of the blue at all. i realise i post a lot of content related to sm.

for fiction: besides the obvious bataille, you should look into colette peignot's collected writings under the name laure.

for some rewritten material on her there's kathy acker's my mother demonology. but everything by kathy acker relates to the subject: blood and guts in highschool, empire of the senseless.

(sidenote from an interview w kris kraus on her biography: According to Eleanor Antin, Kathy worked at a massage parlor in Solana Beach for a while, and she did not give massages. [...] She was also, at the same time, tutoring Latin. / If she didn’t give massages, what did she do? / Well, hand jobs, probably.)

another classic but story of o written by pauline réage plus its beautiful illustrations by leonor fini. it's actually said her fantastical owl masks inspired the character of o + she was really close to andré pieyre de mandiargues, whose one story la marge was adapted by walerian borowczky in immoral tales. then there's sacher masoch's venus in furs. you've probably already heard of anais nin's delta of venus.

i specifically highly rec mary gaitskill. bad behaviour is a great short story collection - one of the stories specifically inspired the film secretary (2002). her essay, the trouble with following the rules, on rape culture and agency published in harper's bazaar (later repub in somebody with a little hammer) is one rare occurrence of nuance and grace accorded to women who've had sexual experiences that are difficult to categorise. it gives a rundown of the ways she personally relates to feminist scholars on the subject too.

there's problems by jade sharma. for a more modern story of the eye, try ryu murakami's ecstasy.

for non-fiction (disclaimer that i mostly haven't read these but they are on my list):

gilles deleuze, masochism: coldness and cruelty ; avgi saketopoulou, sexuality beyond consent ; virginie despentes, king kong theory

if you're similarly interested in boundary-pushing experiences, the limits of the body, attraction to the horrific (i getchu) this is moreso sociology, aesthetics, psychoanalysis focused:

elaine scarry, the body in pain ; anne dufourmantelle, in praise of risk ; sylvère lotringer, overexposed: perverting perversions ; umberto eco, on ugliness

other media: the podcast drunk church, the director catherine breillat.

hope this is of help & if you read anything tell me how it went. i'm always looking for more stuff on the subject too.

[pricknim]

Human Twilight Sparkle and Sci-Twi (renamed to Nightfall Dazzle cause we can't have two twilights) in a college au type of setting

Twilight Sparkle -> is the older twin, but still ended up being the shorter one -> is majoring in particle physics whilst also studying sociology and pedagogy -> is the more outgoing of the two; learned the importance of friendship and has been trying to get her sister to be more open as well -> is very popular on campus, as she is very friendly and likes to tutor other people -> bisexual ; had a boyfriend for a while (Flash Sentry), but decided to end things as they just weren't compatible -> likes coffee, but fell in love with Pinkie's tea assortments -> met Pinkie in their first year visiting the bakery she was working at ; they like to study chemistry together -> met Applejack shortly after Pinkie Pie, when she was making a delivery to the bakery, she helped out a bit -> met Rarity in some of their shared classes during their first year -> met Starlight Glimmer and Trixie during her first year; she was tutoring Trixie for a while and was pretty sad when she had dropped out in the end ; she still meets up with Starlight regularly for study dates as they are on the same major -> met Rainbow Dash through Rarity, who had asked Twilight to help tutoring RD -> met Fluttershy through Nightfall and Applejack ; they often have tea parties -> for a few months she was visiting the bakery more often [it definitely wasn't because of a certain somebody working there] -> met Sunset Shimmers through her mentor, Professor Celestia ; they are research buddies -> it was her idea for them to get matching septum piercings Sci-Twi -> Nightfall Dazzle -> is the youngest of the two -> is majoring in astrophysics and is a teacher assistant for Professor Luna -> unlike her sister, she's more shut-in and antisocial ; she's willing to try to make friends now and again for Twi tho (especially since she's getting mistaken for her sister a lot) -> has a short temper -> is a coffee connoisseur -> bisexual as well, but was never really interested in dating ; had a boyfriend for a few months, but ended up forgetting about him, as she was so focused on her studies -> met Pinkie in their first year visiting the bakery she was working at ; they like to study chemistry together -> she met Applejack when she was out shopping one day ; AJ mistook her for Twilight, realizing her mistake she invited Nightfall for a coffee -> met Rarity in a shared class during their first year -> on her first meeting with Starlight she was mistaken for her sister again ; they are in good terms, the three of them sometimes meet up (Twilight, Nightfall and Starlight) -> ran into Rainbow Dash in Pinkie's bakery ; RD mistook her for Twilight, Nightfall ended up having an impromptu study session with RD -> met Fluttershy in Pinkie's bakery whilst having a coffee with Applejack -> the one friend she managed to make on her own, without her sister asking her to, is Tempest Shadow and Moondancer ; she bumped into Tempest at a bookstore, they bonded over books ; Moondancer and her are studying the same major -> they are close to their family and often visit their brother and sister in law -> they are out to their family, but they don't care much for that -> their younger brother, Spike, often comes to visit them during his days off from school -> they don't like to sit next to each other during classes, cause they always end up distracting one other with their usual debates -> they are renting an apartment above the town's library ; they often work / help out at the library over their free summers

[espdschool1]

ESPD has effective Online A Level Sociology Tutors at Barnet and GCSE Sociology Tuition. Come and visit our website. Here are the fully qualified and experienced Sociology tutors who can help you, based on your search

[disease-danger-darkness-silence]

I need $378 in 9 hours and idk what to do

I'm trying to find my car title so I can get a title loan but I can't find it ANYWHERE, which is weird because I keep all of my paperwork in one area - except for this one piece, apparently.

I need to pay my phone bill or I get shut off at midnight tonight! If I can get $400 I can buy a copy of my title online and then get a title loan and pay someone back. We would actually pay you back when Raven gets paid at the end of the month.

(I would ideally like to make some more money than that - Raven's birthday is today, and their party is this weekend, and I'd like to be able to get food and a cake.)

I've been applying to jobs left, right, and center - so I need the phone for that - but no one has been responding. They're all jobs I'm qualified for, but my job history of being unable to hold down a job long-term because of my executive dysfunction is NOT HELPING ME.

If you can help in any way, even just a few bucks, my Cashapp, PayPal, Ko-Fi, Chime? All $NovasPrime. Let me know if you need to be paid back and I will do so as soon as we get paid.

÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷

I'm also down to barter my skills for money! I can do 3D rendering for manufacture, and I have a 3D printer! Raven is also a very talented miniature painter, so if you need wargaming minis or D&D figurines designed, printed, painted, and shipped? Cat-Thulu Productions has your back!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can also help polish a resume, I can write collegiate papers, I can tutor in English language (especially for writing for college), and I am pretty good at tutoring in sociology, machine/construction math, any kind of stagecraft stuff (behind the scenes stuff like wardrobe and set building - I am not an actor, although I can read scenes OK with you if you need practice).

I am a former journalist and can help format and write press releases, do page layout for print or online publishing (PDF format unless otherwise specified), and minor graphic design.

I CAN do metal stuffs, like writing code for CNC machines, but I don't have access to a full machine to test it out.

I have the stuff to make proxies for card games!

I want to earn money, but I can't find an employer who can accommodate my executive dysfunction, which is, frankly, understandable. So instead, get yourself a cool shiny, or help that you need!

So please, if you can help by commissioning me, or Raven, or both of us, please do! If you can help until we can get a title loan, let me know!

If not, please consider signal boosting. I can't lose my phone right now.

[ijuliet]

calc tutor hyuck

paring : lee donghyuck x gn!reader

warnings : college!au, mature, kissing, sexual innuendo, mark and jaehyun are mentioned TT

 wc : 600~ words

isaac newton was your worst enemy, because who in their right mind would have the time of day to create calculus! sadly, with a D+ on both midterms, you forced yourself to sign up for the tutoring program your professor recommended with a tear in your eye. it killed your pride, but you didn't want to end the class with anything lower than a C.

luckily, you were paired up with the cutest dork ever, and you began to thank your brain for having a hard time with the course.

lee donghyuck had dark brown hair and sun-kissed skin. the first time you met him, his glasses were black, and he wore a neatly ironed crew neck. but as the days went by, hyuck would wear his clear glasses and loose graphic shirts (you loved these sessions because you could see the moles littered on his collarbones, which left you wondering how much more he was hiding).

and as you got closer, hyuck would bring you lunch and tell you the gossip between his best friends and their latest fuck. the way he exaggerated the stories always made you giggle.

i’m serious y/n! jaehyun hooked up with his sociology professor, he has a noona kink

or

the last girl i tutored stopped showing up because mark rejected her, too bad she ended with a D in calc… wait… you wont ditch me if i introduce you to mark, right?

oh and of course, hyuck was a great tutor.

not only did his inner-circle-drama and OOTDs encourage you to meet him at the library every thursday, but his promise to gift you with a surprise if you got above a 90 on your next test did too.

surprisingly, when test day rolled around, you landed a 91! hyuck was so proud of you and picked you up from the ground and into a hug in the middle of the fiction aisle. when he put you down, his smile never disappeared, and a light blush covered his face as he muttered apologies, i knew you could do it y/n.

for your gift, hyuck invited you to a movie night at his apartment. although it didn’t seem like much, it felt as if you were becoming a part of his life.

his home was comfortable and expected from the clever boy, and the way hyuck happily showed off his gaming setup made him live up to his nerdy persona.

tutoring you helps pay for my double monitors, he’d say as you playfully push his shoulder.

you both popped popcorn in the microwave and laughed together, confessing you might’ve written the formulas on your hand.

when suddenly the electricity shut down. the quickly turned dark setting took you both by surprise as you jumped towards each other's bodies for safety. hyuck quickly held your hand before clicking the flashlight button on his phone.

soon enough, you were both sat on hyuck's bed, knee to knee, shoulder to shoulder, while his birthday cake candles are lit around the room. he apologized for a ruined celebration, but you insisted being with you hyuck is just enough.

despite the room being dimly lit, you could feel hyuck relax beside you, taking his hand off of his lap and behind your back. now inches away from you, you turned your head and began to shape the figure of his face and move towards him, locking eyes and staring at his lips.

hyuck pulled you into a kiss as his hand crawled up to the back of your neck, pulling you in deeper. his lips were soft and tasted like the perfect buttered popcorn you get at the movie theaters. your hands played with the hair at the nape of his neck, slightly pulling and earning you a whimper.

you straddled his lap and could immediately feel his bulge beneath you. breaking off of the kiss with a smile on your faces, you reached out to touch his wet lips with your thumb before moving up and removing his glasses, whilst cracking a question:

"what if i get a 95 on my next test?"

sitting in my drafts for months, imy haechannnnnn

[ningningsdream]

behind closed doors | h.rjn

pairing: renjun x fem!reader

genre: fluff, angst, suggestive, college!au, fwb!au

word count: 17.1k

summary: one drunken night and nothing is the same anymore. in which you can't seem to stop sleeping with one of your friends.

warning(s): mentions of sex/sexual stuff, no smut though, it is not really focused on the sex they have

a/n: this is probably the longest one i’ve written so far. i’ll never get over hot sauce renjun.

main masterlist

"are we going to this party friday?", chenle slammed the flyer a frat boy gave him earlier that day onto the lunch table.

"i am going if everyone's going.", the youngest, jisung, shrugged, continuing to munch on his sandwich.

"that's new. you don't usually like these kinds of things.", jaemin teased him, his hand reaching out to his face to pinch his cheek.

"i don't like it because every time you brought me with you, hyung, i end up being left behind because you are hooking up with someone.", he replied, whooshing jaemin's hand away.

you were sitting there, next to jeno, frowning as remembered all the nights jisung randomly texted you, asking if he could crash at your place and when he came, he smelled like cigarettes and alcohol. you connected the dots and flicked jaemin's forehead saying, "that's why he came by so late all those times?! we don't leave jisung alon, dumbass."

"ouch. i didn't do it on purpose. i thought renjun or jeno would be with him.", jaemin replied, rubbing where your fingers hit him.

you turned to jeno and flicked his forehead as well, "traitor.", the boy rubbed his forehead while glaring jokingly at jaemin.

you then turned towards renjun and the boy was prepared, you stopped in your actions as he raised his index, "don't you dare.", he warned.

"or what?", you challenged. you two started arguing, throwing insults at each other. it may seem like renjun and you hated one another and were only in each other's presence because you had the same friends, but you actually considered him your friend as well. even though sometimes, you did wonder if he really hated your guts, and that was what you first thought at the start of your friendship but when you got cheated on, he went with the others to have a talk with your crusty ass ex and from what you heard from jisung, renjun punched him in the face. he was the one to drag you out of bed when you spent a whole month home, crying in your room because another ex left you to be with one of your closest friends. he even tutored you so you could catch up onto the uni work you missed. of course, he was always in his usual grumpy mood and you two argued a lot but it actually helped you.

"so are we going?", chenle brought the attention back to the main subject.

"i'm in. i have sociology last on friday and i'll definitely need a party to wake me up.", donghyuck said.

"i have a group project thing to go to first, but i'll come afterwards.", you said.

"i'm 100% coming.", jaemin said, excitedly, "and this time, i'm not leaving your side, jisungie.", he cooed at the youngest.

"you so are.", jisung and you said at the same time, giving each other a high five afterwards.

"can someone pick me up on the way?", jeno asked.

"i can. i may be a little late though, depends on if my boss needs me to stay a little later.", mark said. he was working a part time in a coffee shop near the university.

the loud music hit your ears as soon as you stepped into the house. you knew the place since it wasn't the first time you came to a party organized by this frat house, so you immediately made your way to the kitchen. you poured yourself a cup of alcohol and juice before walking to the group screaming something in the living room.

"what's going on here?", you asked, managing to make your way to the center of the circle.

"y/n!", some of your classmates screamed when they saw you.

"yeonjun dared renjun to kiss ryujin.", someone caught you up.

"come on, dude. you can even kiss y/n if you prefer. it's either that or you have to finish five people's drink.", yeonjun pushed a little.

you could clearly see that renjun was uncomfortable with the dare but he also didn't want to risk mixing that many alcohol in his stomach.

"yeonjun, come on. we can clearly see he's uncomfortable with that. i've never seen him hug someone before so kiss someone...", you said, interposing yourself in the game, making some laugh, "he's maybe just insecure with his skills or he's too afraid.", you smirked at renjun. of course, you wanted to save him from an uncomfortable situation but it didn't you couldn't take advantage of it to irritate him, "i'll take his dare if you don't mind.", you said to yeonjun and ryujin.

people started cheering, liking the idea of anyone kissing anyone at this point, "i don't mind.", ryujin said and that was all you needed to make your move. you walked past renjun, "watch and learn.", you teased him before going towards the girl sitting on one of the couches. you gently cupped her cheek and leaned in, your lips delicately landing on hers.

people around them cheered around them and started drinking again. you pulled away with a smile and brought your drink up to clink it against ryujin's before taking a sip.

they continued playing for some time, but you dipped at a moment, making your way to the other room where people were dancing. you found jeno and donghyuck there, dancing in the middle of the room and you joined them, "hey guys!", you screamed so they could hear you.

"y/n!!!", donghyuck screamed your name, putting his arm around you as he kept moving his body to the music.

"where were you?", jeno asked.

"i was playing truth, dare or drink in the living room. even saved renjun from kissing shin ryujin."

"saved him or stole that kiss?", donghyuck asked, making you laugh.

"anyway, where are the others?"

"mark is talking with the people who are hosting the party, jaemin's with some girl again, and chenle and jisung are talking with some people in the kitchen i think."

you spent the whole night with jeno and donghyuck, dancing to the loud music and drinking. thankfully, it was friday so you had the whole weekend to rest.

you didn't see renjun nor jaemin the whole night, so you figured the latter went home with the girl your friends told you about and the other one either went home or was just some other place.

you caught a glimpse of the two youngest when you went to the kitchen to refill your cup and they seemed to be having fun which made you glad. chenle was the one who introduced jisung to the group at his start of university. jisung skipped a grade so it wasn’t easy for him to fit in with people a year older than him but thankfully, chenle, being the noisy child that he was, almost jumped on the poor kid with all his questions and just brought him to your table like a child asking his parents if he could keep the stray puppy he found.

mark joined the three of you after some time and danced. he didn't drink since he was driving afterwards and it was him indeed that drove chenle, jisung and you home.

"thanks, markie.", you smiled at him and waved goodbye before heading in your building. because of your tiredness and the amount of alcohol you consumed, the light in the elevator seemed so bright to you. you struggled a little to enter the code of your apartment door but managed to tap in the right one and finally stepped into your apartment. you made sure to immediately close the door behind you after you came in and then removed your shoes and jacket.

you grabbed your pajamas in your room and headed for the bathroom to remove your makeup. you always hated that part of the night because all you wanted was to sleep but you didn't want to risk your skin breaking out.

the moment your body slid under your covers and your eyes closed, you instantly shut down.

the sound of your doorbell ringing multiple times woke you from your slumber. you checked your phone and saw that you only had 30 minutes of sleep. you cursed the person at your door as you headed out of your room, rubbing your eyes. your doorbell camera revealed that it was renjun standing outside your apartment in a black shirt and some gray sweatpants.

"renjun? what the fuck?", you said once you opened your door and stepped aside for him to come in.

"i am not insecure nor afraid.", the words left his mouth without him even thinking about it. he didn't know why but those words deeply got to him.

you turned around and he was very close to you. you had to take a step back to fully look at his whole face. he was serious. you were only joking when you said that. you were just teasing him as usual, you didn't know he would actually take it personally. normally that was what you would've told him but seeing him getting all worked up like that was really entertaining.

"prove it."

your words irritated him even more and he had that inexplicable feeling that made him step towards you and cupped your cheeks. he paused for an instant. your back was against the cold entrance door and your face was centimeters away from renjun's. you've never been that close to him.

"what? you're scared?", you challenged him and that was enough to snap him out of his train of thoughts. his lips crashed onto yours and you two kiss passionately. each trying to assert dominance on the other. his hands traveled down your body to grab your waist to pull you closer to him and yours went to his hair.

renjun and you never thought of each other as more than friends. as you've never thought about the others in your friend group as more than friends. it's not that you didn't find him attractive, he was hot. all of your friends were but that was just not something you've ever considered.

the feeling of his hands on you was addictive and you two ended up spending a big part of your night in your room.

you slowly stirred up in your bed. stretching your whole body. it felt like you ran a whole ass marathon the day before. upon sitting up, you froze, eyes wide. you remembered what happened the night before.

renjun.

you immediately shot out of bed and searched for your friend in your apartment. you were alone.

he must have left, you thought.

you grabbed your phone and saw your usual notification from your friends' group but nothing from him. you spent your whole weekend trying to not think about what happened between the two of you but all it did was make you think about it even more.

on the other hand, renjun was trying even harder to get over what happened. he was drunk and you too and you were both tired. that was why it happened, right? renjun never thought that you two would ever sleep with each other. the probability of you stabbing him in the neck with a fork was higher than that. he had the whole way home to think about it so the minute he stepped into his dorm back on campus, he pushed all the thoughts of your night together to the back of his mind.

monday morning was a torture. like every monday of the year but that one particularly gave you a little anxiety. you didn't know how to react to the renjun situation but since he hadn't talked to you about it, you figured it'd be better to act like nothing happened. thankfully, you didn't have any class with renjun on mondays.

but it was easier said than done.

at lunch time, you were at your usual table with your friends except for jaemin and jeno who were held back in class by their professor. you avoided looking at renjun or speaking to him directly and he seemed to be doing the same thing.

"what's wrong with you two?", donghyuck nodded towards the two of you, "you would've have already insulted each other nine times by now."

"oh shut up, hyuck.", renjun and you said at the same time.

"wooh. maybe you really should shut up. you wouldn't want them both against you.", mark teased donghyuck with a smile.

"that would be a nightmare.", chenle added.

you rolled your eyes and saw jaemin and jeno coming into your direction with someone unfamiliar, "hey guys. hyein will be joining us for lunch if you don't mind.", jaemin introduced the girl.

"she just transferred this semester.", jeno added.

"hi everyone! oh, hey renjun.", she smiled at everyone and sat across from renjun.

"you two know each other?", mark asked, finger pointing at one then the other.

"we got assigned a group project this morning.", she clarified.

renjun just nodded, agreeing with what she said in a nonchalant way.

you sighed, sitting down on your couch with your plaid around your shoulders. you thought it was going to be weirder with renjun and it was at first, for you at least because it seemed like he wasn't affected at all so you figured that you should act the same.

your phone vibrated, notifying you that someone texted you.

it was two messages from renjun.

can we talk?

im coming over

your eyes widened. did he want to talk about what happened?

your heart started beating really fast. all that wasn't good for your cardiac rhythm.

a few minutes later, your doorbell cam signaled renjun's arrival. you opened the door for him and asked, "so what do you wanna talk about?"

he gave you a look, knowing damn well you knew what he wanted to talk about.

"fine. say what you gotta say."

"it's never gonna happen again."

"yeah, no shit sherlock."

he gave you another look, "i'm serious and it stays between us. the others are gonna act weird if they know."

"don't worry. it's not like it's something i'd love to brag about anyway.", you rolled your eyes.

"yeah, we were drunk. we didn't know what we were doing. it's not like i'd go for you sober anyway."

"oh really?", your ego took a hit and you took his words as a challenge. the way he said it made you forget completely about what the two of you were discussing, your pride taking over completely. you walked towards him, stopping only a step away from his body, "you'd totally go for me if i wanted you to.", you replied with a knowing smirk.

a glint appeared in renjun's eyes and he opened his mouth, took a step closer to you and repeated the same words you've told him before, "prove it."

your two bodies were very very close. you grabbed his two hands and guided them to your body, under your shirt and rested them on your waist. his cold hands against your warm skin sent a shiver down your spine. your arms circled his neck and rested on his shoulders. you brought your face closer to his while looking at him right in the eyes. you could feel his grip slightly tightening on your sides. you looked down to his lips as you wet your own and then brought your lips closer to his ear, "we both know you'd fold for me if i asked you too."

renjun's hands grabbed on your waist tighter as he heard you whisper in his ear. the action making you gasp in a breathy way that sent renjun over the edge. he grabbed your legs and wrapped them around his waist, making you lose your balance so you had to grip onto him. he carried you to your bedroom, closing the door behind you two with his left foot. he gently dropped you onto your bed and got on top of you.

suddenly it was friday night all over again.

the sound of your alarm clock woke you up from your deep sleep. your hand waved around your bed looking for your phone and it suddenly came in contact with something unknown.

"ouch.", someone groaned beside you.

you instantly opened your eyes and found yourself staring at a sleepy renjun. you sat up, realizing that the night before wasn't just a dream and rubbing your face as if doing so would transform the reality into a dream, "fuck.", was the first thing that came out of your mouth.

"yeah, that's what we did.", renjun grumpily groaned because you disturbed him in his sleep. you slapped his head, making him realized what he just said and like you did, he sat up and rubbed his face, "fuck."

"yEaH, tHat'S wHaT wE diD.", you repeated his words, mimicking his voice.

he gave you a look before getting out of your bed and gathering his stuff. he got dressed and quickly grabbed his phone and keys, "i'm gonna be late.", he said, checking the time on his phone.

renjun left to go back to his dorm and freshen up before going to uni. you got to your morning routine as soon as he left not wanting to be late yourself.

you didn't know what led you two to do it again, but it seemed like once it started you couldn't stop, or rather, you didn't want to.

you managed to be on time for your morning class, only arriving five minutes before the professor. renjun, him, didn't get so lucky. he arrived a whole thirty minutes late, panting, with his hair still wet.

"hello to you too, m.huang. what a pleasure to see you. would've been better if it was thirty minutes ago, though."

"i'm sorry, professor. won't happen again.", renjun apologized, bowing at a full 90 degrees.

you chuckled at him as your professor signaled to him to take a seat. he climbed the amphitheater's stairs to take his usual seat next to you. you couldn't stop silently laughing at how embarrassed he was. renjun noticed and glared at you. he took out his notebook and pencil case, elbowing your side in the process to stop you from laughing at him. you grimaced and hit him back which made him chuckle silently.

as expected, that time wasn't the last one you two did it. every time, one of you tried to talk about it, you always ended up naked in your bed. renjun never really spent the night, except for that one time, and neither of you talked about it in front of your friends or anyone else. it was fun and it did make the two of you closer, but you can't handle situation ships so after one of your sleepless nights, while renjun was putting his clothes back on, you said, "okay so we both know that that's...", you moved your index finger between the two of you, "...going to be a recurring thing.", you sat up in your bed, still under the covers.

"i don't mind that.", he smirked, making you want to kiss him but also throw a pillow in his face.

"then we gotta set some boundaries."

"okay. first, either we do it at my dorm or your apartment, no spending the night, people will start to get suspicious if we're coming to school together."

you nodded, agreeing with him, "tell each other if we slept with someone else. i don't mind not being exclusive but we don't wanna get or give each other sti's."

it was his turn to nod, "keep this a secret obviously."

"obviously.", you repeated, "oh and let's act like we usually do towards each other. i don't need you to be nicer to me because i sucked your dick."

the rawness of your sentence made him chuckle, "i wasn't going to."

"good."

you two kept seeing each other multiple nights in the week behind everyone's back. you grew significantly closer without acting completely different towards one another either. you still made fun of him every occasion you got, and he still called you out on your illogical speeches and arguing with you about them.

both renjun and you started to pick up things about each other, mainly sexual things of course but there were small things as well, like renjun noticed how your eyes were actually pretty expressive and even though you could lie pretty well, your eyes couldn't or how he knew jisung was your favorite, but you'd always make sure mark was also doing good because the rest of the group liked to make fun of him, in a none harmful way of course, just the usual teasing, but even though he was the oldest, mark was a pretty sensible kid. you noticed how when you asked renjun to lend you his notes, he would while scolding you for not taking some and saying it'd be the last time, but we know how the last time was never the last time or how even though renjun wasn't much into pda, he'd always let donghyuck or jaemin hug him or lay their head on his shoulder. he'd complain and try to shoo them away at first, but he'd obliged after a few minutes, even with a little smile sometimes. it wasn't that you two never noticed things like that before hooking up, you just never really paid that much attention to one another before. your friendship with renjun was never that deep.

"the bathroom is out of paper.", you said, coming back to your lunch table, shaking your wet hands in the air, water droplets spraying everywhere.

"ya!", renjun exclaimed, one eye closed as a droplet touched him.

"oops.", you looked him straight in the eyes and shook your hands towards him, spraying him with even more droplets. he glared at you but you just smiled innocently and sat beside him, grabbing the small water bottle from your lunch tray, "so what are we talking about?", you asked your friends, plus hyein who was sitting opposite to you.

"there's a party tonight.", jaemin informed her.

"you coming?", mark asked.

"nah, i think i'm gonna sit that one out.", you said, struggling to open your bottle because of your wet hands.

"who's party even is it?", jeno asked.

"i don't know. some rich kid in economy.", jaemin answered.

you put your bottle on the table to wipe your hands on your jeans, but then renjun grabbed it and opened it for you nonchalantly still focus on the group's conversation. no one really noticed his doing except for you and hyein, "you're so weak."

"my hands were wet.", you whispered back to him.

"sounds familiar.", he whispered so that only you could hear, his lips barely even moved.

your mouth formed an 'o' shape and your eyes widen a little. you punched him under the table and renjun faked a cough to hide his laugh and groan of pain due to the contact of your fist with his side.

"i have a class starting in ten minutes, i gotta go. see you guys later.", renjun said after checking the time on his phone. he got up, took his tray and left.

the conversation kept going about the party and who was going to go, "we're like in the middle of the week. yall aren't even gonna survive tomorrow if you go.", you said.

"y/n noona's right. i'm not going.", jisung said.

"yeah, me neither. she sounds sketchy. she only invited like half the group and i never heard anyone talking about this party.", chenle added, which made you realized it also. from what the group told you, the girl only invited jaemin, jeno, donghyuck and renjun personally.

"don't be surprised if you wake up missing a kidney tomorrow...if you wake up at all.", you joked, raising your eyebrows and smiling creepily at jaemin, jeno and donghyuck.

"ya! don't say that!", donghyuck whined.

"don't worry. she's pretty and rich. what's she gonna do with my kidney?", jaemin asked, in a way to reassure the others and himself.

"eat it.", you shrugged nonchalantly.

"gurl! you have an answer for everything, don't you?", jeno said. obviously scared by your theory.

you just laughed as they kept talking among them with jaemin trying to hype his friends up, not wanting to go alone.

"y/n?", a voice called you amidst the main conversation going on."

you turned your head in the direction of the voice and faced the person calling you, "yes, hyein?", you almost forgot her presence as she kept quiet all along. the girl was pretty discreet when she was around, only speaking from time to time. you didn't mind her presence, she wasn't there all the time. you just had a bad vibe from her. you didn't know where it was coming from, but it was definitely there.

"what can i do for renjun to stop disliking me?"

"huh?"

"i don't know why but it seems like renjun hates me and i don't know what i did. at first, i thought he was just like that towards girls because he wasn't comfortable but you two seemed close friends so if you could give me some tips."

you smiled awkwardly not really expecting that, "oh, mhm, don't worry much, it's just a typical renjun attitude."

you wrapped yourself in your plaid while laying down on your couch and watching my little pony on your tv. your lower back was killing you and you cursed the world for having to experience that pain every month.

your phone vibrated next to your stomach, making you groan. you lazily grabbed it to check who was the one responsible for disturbing your peace.

can i come over?

it was renjun.

sorry, on my period and casually dying.

you returned to your episode of my little pony when renjun left you on read, cuddling even more into your plaid. halfway through your third episode, your doorbell rang and the monitor on the side lit up. you sat up, squinting your eyes to look at the screen from afar and see who was at your door, "renjun?", you muttered to yourself.

"come in!", you shouted so he could hear. renjun entered the digicode he now knew all too well before entering your apartment, "what are you doing here? i thought you were going to that party with the guys.", you asked with no expression your face or intonation in your voice because of your tiredness.

"wow, just tell me to jump out the window, it'll hurt less.", renjun said sarcastically, a hand on his chest in a fake hurt way. you gave him a look that made him chuckle as usual, "i didn't want to go. also, i brought you food and some stuff that's supposed to help.", he said, handing you the plastic bag he had in his hands.

you took the bag and your eyes lit up at the view of its content. the convenient store bag was filled with various snacks from chocolates to gummies along with some salty snacks. you looked up at renjun with a pout and teary eyes, no one had ever done that for you. not even past boyfriends...or girlfriends for that matter.

"what? what's with that look?", he asked, sitting down next to you as he started to panic.

"thank you.", you shyly said, taking a snack out and opening it.

"you know, it's not because we're fuck buddies that i'm not your friend also. i'm not going to stick around just because i like fucking you."

what he said made you stop in your actions, you tried to hide the big smile wanting to spread on your face but a little one managed to slip through. you nodded acknowledging his words. you happily eat your snacks while watching the cartoon playing on your tv.

renjun tucked on your plaid, meaning he wanted you to share it with him. you allowed it since he brought you some snacks. your plaid was a little small for two so renjun and you just ended up cuddling with one another. you were both lying on your couch, barely big enough to fit the two of you and you were the little spoon.

"are we really watching my little pony?", renjun asked.

"shut up. it's great.", the sound of your voice was different than what renjun was used to.

he propped himself up and looked down at you, "are you crying? what is there to cry over in my little pony?"

"i want what they have.", you pouted, wiping your eyes. you turned around to face him.

"i- what are we? rocks?", renjun said, talking about your friend group.

"i know i have yall but like...it's just...", you hesitated.

"you can say anything. it's okay.", renjun's voice was a lot softer than usual and the gentle look he gave you almost made you skip a heartbeat.

"sometimes and i say sometimes only, i feel like you guys could replace me easily.", renjun furrowed his eyebrows at your words, "i mean, i'm the only girl in this group, people already think i don't belong."

"since when do you care about what other people think?"

"it's not only that...sometimes i just feel like i'm the odd one out like there are so many people that could fit more than me in this group so why am i here? i can see it with hyein you know. in a matter of time, she'd be replacing me without any of you noticing it."

renjun understood what you were saying. he once felt something similar at the start of his friendship with the group. if it weren't for jaemin who kept pestering him about being friends, he would probably still be a loner at this point. he didn't know why jaemin approached him. he knew he wasn't the friendliest looking one and he still wasn't.

he patted your head and looked at you in the eyes, saying, "you belong."

you didn't need anything more. those words were enough for you. you could see it in his eyes. he meant them. you wrapped your arms around his torso and buried your face in the crook of his neck. renjun felt drops of wetness hitting his skin, in response he ran his hand through your hair, allowing you to express your feelings freely.

after a few minutes, you wiped your nose and eyes with your sweatshirt's sleeves, "thank you.", you said, before turning around to watch the tv again. 

something came back to your mind as you thought back to what you said, "can i ask you for a favor?"

"anything."

"can you be just a little nicer to hyein?"

renjun propped himself up again, looking at you with a confused look, "why?"

"she thinks you hate her, and it seemed to be bothering her quite a lot."

"what makes you think i'd agree to do that. it's not really a favor for you after all."

you turned to look at him. you didn't really know why but right this moment, renjun looked really ethereal to you, not that he wasn't gorgeous everyday, but now, he was just unreal. his face was only illuminated by the tv in your living room as you two watched in the dark. you grabbed his face with your two hands and brought it down to smash his lips against yours. renjun was surprised at first but gave in rapidly, dying to do the exact same thing since he entered your apartment. you ended up making out with him as he was now fully on top of you, supporting himself with one hand while the other cupped your cheek. your hands were fully entangled in his hair, pulling from time to time as your tongues danced with one another.

you slowly pulled away for air as his lips followed yours, wanting more. you both breathed heavily, forehead against each other.

"i was gonna ask 50,000won but this also works.", renjun said, making you laughed. he dropped back next to you, wrapping you in his arms, bringing you closer and giving you a quick peck on the head.

your cheeks flushed as you felt something hard poking your stomach. you knew way too well what it was and renjun probably felt that you noticed as well, "mmh, want me to help you with that? i owe you at least that."

"you don't owe me anything, all right? ever. just turn the other way maybe, it'll go away."

you obliged with a soft smile on your face at how much he was considerate of you.

"it might be worse.", you heard him say after a few minutes and you completely lost it. you tried to control your laugh in vain as your eyes were now teary from laughing too much.

"it was so weird.", jeno told you as you sat at your usual table for lunch.

"it wasn't that weird.", jaemin said, trying to convince himself more than you.

"shut up. you were the first one to bail.", donghyuck said.

"it's not my fault. y/n got to my head. all i think about is that i didn't want to lose a kidney.", jaemin whined.

"wait. wait. wait. what happened?", chenle asked as him, jisung and you were attentively listening.

"ok so, jeno, donghyuck and i went to that girl's place along with mark because renjun didn't want to come and you two...", donghyuck started pointing to chenle and you, "...were right. there was no party at all. it was more like a small gathering, and we were the only guys there."

"what the fuck?", you said with a grimace on your face.

"we were like immediately attacked by the girls there. it was insane.", jeno said.

"the girl who invited us came up to mark and was all like 'you're not renjun'.", donghyuck added, with a high pitch voice at the end to imitate the girl.

"it was so creepy. she looked me up and down like i was a piece of meat and went like 'you'll do.' and in my head i was like 'for what?!'", mark said which made you laugh.

"then i started thinking about what you said at lunch and nothing else.", jaemin whined.

"we left like an hour later.", jeno said.

"an hour? damn. that's a new record.", chenle commented.

"there were like five girls for each of us and they started complimenting us, putting drinks in our hands and food in our mouth. it was the weirdest feeling honestly.", mark said.

"jaemin was the first one to manage to get out of their grip and announce that we'll leave because of some bs he invented on the spot.", donghyuck informed.

"i didn't get laid because of you.", jaemin whined, pointing at you.

"or you still got two kidneys thanks to me.", you joked, earning a laugh from everyone, except jaemin who was still sulking.

"hey guys, what are you talking about?", a cheerful voice said, arriving at the table.

"hey, hyein!", jaemin greeted, "we were just talking about seoyun's party."

"park seoyun? she's in one of my classes. she's pretty nice.", hyein answered. there was an awkward silence as some of them tried to hold back their laugh.

next to her was renjun with his tray, he went to take a seat in front of you and next to chenle, and hyein followed sitting next to him.

"did you two have the same class before lunch?", donghyuck asked.

"yeah, why?", hyein asked.

"we don't often see renjun with someone else other than us that's all.", donghyuck replied, definitely implying something.

you saw hyein blush at donghyuck's words as renjun was completely ignoring him, enjoying his meal.

did hyein like renjun?

they'd be cute, you thought even though something was still bothering you.

"do you guys know what middle aged woman love these days?", chenle suddenly asked.

"why would you want to know that?", jisung asked.

"it's for a gift.", chenle answered without really giving any more details.

"i'm trying to figure out if it's for your mom or to seduce your highschool english teacher.", you said, earning a laugh from your friends.

"technically, he has a shot now. he's legally an adult.", mark said as you laughed even harder.

"that was one time. when will yall drop that?", chenle complained.

"the moment we'll drop jeno's milk commercial.", you said, with a little smile. you saw jeno, next to you, stop in his actions as you ruffled his hair.

"i hate you.", he looked at you with an annoyed expression but all you did in return was give him an even wider smile.

you saw in the corner of your eyes, hyein poking renjun's shoulder and asking him to open her water bottle for her. you were glad to see that renjun accepted to help her and that he actually listened to you.

"i need to buy a gift for my mom's birthday.", chenle said, bringing the group back to the original topic.

"flowers?", jaemin suggested.

"flowers alone are not really a gift.", you said.

"but my mom loves when i buy her flowers. my ex-girlfriends too.", jaemin said.

"of course, because it's the thought that counts. personally, i don't really like flowers and if someone brought me some just because they didn't know what to buy, i'd be pretty disappointed. flowers can be kind of lazy. jewelry is a safe bet, depends on if she wears some or not. skincare or make up is not bad, you gotta know for sure what she likes though. i don't really recommend clothing but that's up to you and your confidence."

"i'm actually taking notes.", jeno said, totally captivated by your advice.

"i've been doing it wrong since day one.", jaemin said.

"i'm just talking from experience so maybe those things only apply to me. the thing is you gotta find something your mom loves or need and give her that. it'll make her feel like you actually listen to her.", you continued.

"why is it always you guys on the couch?", donghyuck complained as he sat on the ground of jaemin's apartment.

your group was having your monthly movie night a little earlier than usual since the month before, all of you were busy and couldn't find a day for yall to meet up.

"that's because your ass is always late to movie nights.", jeno answered from his place, next to you.

"should've have arrived earlier instead of talking to that barista who works next to the school's library.", jisung said, making donghyuck's eyes widened.

"oooooh, our little donghyuckie has a��teenie tiny crush.", you taunted.

"shut up.", donghyuck replied, clearly embarrassed with a slight flush on his cheeks.

jeno, jisung and you highfived, managing to bully your way through staying on the couch. your attention turned to the door when jaemin opened it, revealing a late renjun, with his backpack still.

"where were you? you're usually not late. we thought you died or something.", jaemin said, letting the boy in.

"i was at a study group and i walked hyein back to her dorm.", renjun answered, catching everyone off guard.

"since when do you walk people home?", mark asked.

"last time i asked you to do that you just called me an uber and sent me to my death.", donghyuck dramatically said with a hand over his heart.

"stop being dramatic. i just needed to get something back. don't go inventing things in your head.", renjun put his backpack next to the couch and plopped down next to chenle on the ground right before you.

"what are we watching?", mark asked, giving out the bags of popcorn he just microwaved.

"a really scary one. at least that's what the reviews said.", jaemin answered.

"why do you always choose horror movies?", chenle asked.

"because i'm too scared to watch them alone.", jaemin admitted, sitting comfortably in his bean bag.

jaemin's reviews didn't lie. the movie was pretty intense in jump scares, but the plot was interesting. jeno, jisung and you were cuddling into each other in fear like dominoes, you onto jeno and jisung onto you. renjun kept his eyes on you from time to time, he couldn't help the feeling growing inside of him as he saw you so close to jeno. were you two always like that? had he been paying so little attention before?

"i'm going to the bathroom, remember what happen in the movie when i'm gone.", you whispered to jeno before getting up and making your way to jaemin's bathroom that was at the end of his apartment.

renjun, noticing you leaving and how engrossed everyone was with the movie, got up and walked to the bathroom a few minutes after you.

after drying your hands, you opened the bathroom's door, revealing a renjun blocking your way. you took a step on the right, expecting him to move the other way to let you through but he didn't move at all. you looked up at him, realizing he was already looking down at you. as he took a step forward, you took a step back and he closed the door behind him, locking you two in.

you were confused by his actions. did he want to fuck now?

"do you like jeno?"

"wha- excuse me?"

"do. you. like. him?", he repeated, getting closer and closer to you with each word.

"we're childhood friends, literally like siblings."

good was the first thing that came to renjun's mind and then confusion. why would he think like that? it wasn't like he liked you romantically speaking. it just bothered him a little.

"why?"

"it'd be weird to fuck each other if you liked one of our friends. if you like each other, i wouldn't want to be in the way."

you could see the sincerity in his eyes as he spoke and that warmed your heart. ever since you've started seeing him every other night for the past few months, you've discovered things about him that you probably wouldn't even knew existed if your arrangement didn't exist.

your hand went to caress his cheek automatically like it had a will of its own. when you realized what you were doing, you immediately pulled away not wanting to make everything weird. renjun frowned a little when he didn't feel the warmth of your hand anymore.

"what about hyein and you? the guys are right, you two seem to get along.", you said, taking advantage of the situation to also ask him something that had been on your mind for a while.

"she's whatever.", he shrugged, "we're just in the same classes and study group."

"you don't like her or anything? she's pretty and seems nice."

"not my type. i'm just nicer to her because you asked me to.", renjun got closer as he mentioned your name. he gently cupped one side of your face, his palm resting on your cheek

"since when do you listen to someone?", you teased.

"since that person can be very...convincing.", renjun said with his lips almost touching yours.

you stared at his lips for a while, moving ever so lightly for your lips to brush against his. at this point, you two were just playing with each other to see who would yield first and kiss the other one.

you wouldn't have mind if you weren't actually in the middle of movie night, "i should go back before anyone notices how long we've been gone.", you whispered.

the two of you separated and you joined the group for the rest of the movie, though you couldn't really concentrate even when jeno told you what you missed. renjun had this hold over you that you couldn't quite comprehend, that was just more than you would've expected from a fuck buddy.

"you didn't have to wait for me here. you could've just gone to my apartment, first.", you said as you found renjun waiting for you outside the library. it was pretty late since your group got caught up trying to finish your assignment.

"it's alright. i got things to do anyway."

you two walked to your apartment that was twenty minutes away from your university by subway. you talked about your day and mainly gossiped about things happening in your classes and your group of friends. you suddenly remembered something while you two stood in the elevator of your apartment building, "aren't you going to that party the guys talked about?"

"chenle, jisung, jeno and mark aren't going and jaemin and donghyuck are probably going to hook up with someone and abandon me so..."

"so you settled for your fuck buddy. i feel so special.", you joked, putting your hands on your heart dramatically.

you exited the elevator as it opened on your floor, "i didn't settle. let's just say there are things i wouldn't have done if i went to that party.", renjun said, catching up to you and grabbing your hand. he turned you around, his other hand immediately grabbed the side of your face and you saw his infamous smirk, appearing on his face.

his expression instantly triggered the flirt in you, "like what?", you asked playfully, stepping backwards until your back hit your door.

renjun quickly tapped in your code before saying, "let me show you."

his lips landed on yours as you opened the door. you two made your way into your apartment without breaking contact. you've grown quite a habit out of it since you two often found yourself making out before reaching your apartment unit.

"what the-", a voice screamed from your couch which made renjun and you jump apart.

"jisung?", you called out, eyes wide as you stared at the youngest of your group, sitting on your couch while eating snacks he just bought.

you couldn't see renjun's face, but he probably adorned the same expression as you. jisung was speechless. did he just saw renjun and you kiss? right in front of him? at this hour of the day?

"i- uhm...i should go...", renjun managed to say after a few minutes that seemed like hours. the sound of the door closing behind you, woke you from your trance.

"jisung...what are you doing here?", you weren't mad or anything, just highly embarrassed for being caught in the act.

"i decided to go to that party with jaemin and donghyuck and they ditched me again. but that's not important right now. can you explain what i just fucking saw?", jisung wasn't the type to curse much so you could understand how shocked he was when he started cursing.

"mmmmh...renjun and i have been hooking up..."

"what?"

"for a few months now."

"whaaat? months? how didn't we notice?"

"we've just been acting normal outside the bedrooms. it's not like we're together or something. please don't tell the rest of the group. you know how they are."

"i always thought you'd end up with one of us, but my bet was on jeno or mark.", jisung said, rubbing his chin with his thumb and index finger.

"yah!", you said, grabbing a pillow on your couch and hitting him with it before sitting next to him.

you two spent the rest of night watching movies and snacking on things jisung bought before coming, "sorry for being a cock block.", jisung shyly apologized to you in the middle of your second movie.

he must've been thinking about it for a while before getting the courage to say it out loud, you thought.

"i'll always be there if you need me, jisung. don't worry about bothering me or anything.", you ruffled his hair.

jisung was like a little brother to you. since the first day chenle introduced him to your group, you took him under your wing and swore to yourself that you'd protect him at all costs. he reminded you a lot of yourself. if you hadn't had jeno growing up, your confidence wouldn't have been so high, and you wouldn't have met your current group of friends.

when jisung fell asleep, you made sure to cover him in a warm blanket and put a pillow under his head. the boy was longer than your couch, so his feet were hanging off of it. you then texted renjun, saying that you told everything to jisung and that he wouldn't tell the others before plopping down on your bed with a sigh.

what a night.

"txt's frat party. friday. we're going.", you said, slamming the flyer on the lunch table and stopping your friends mid conversation.

"txt? really? isn't that going to be the first time they're hosting a party this year?", jaemin asked, grabbing the flyer and examining it.

"yeah, yeonjun told me they've been feeling the vibes of the frat's parties here. just to know what people do and like, you know.", you answered, sitting down next to renjun.

"yeonjun, huh?", donghyuck smirked as he said the boy's name, "he's so into you."

"what the fuck are you on about?"

"i can sense it."

you rolled your eyes at him and started eating your lunch.

"i'm in. i really need a party so don't expect me to drive yall home.", mark said.

"if you're all going, i'll come too. as long as you all don't hook up the same night.", jisung said.

renjun nudged you under the table to get your attention while the others talked about the carpool situation. you turned towards him as he leaned forward to whisper something in your ear, "should i expect to see you making out with yeonjun by the end of the party?", by the tone of his voice you knew he was teasing you.

"and more if everything goes well.", you whispered back, only half joking. you've known txt for a while, seeing them mainly at parties organized by the people going to your uni. they were all pretty attractive so if you got a shot with one of them, you wouldn't let that pass.

your phone's screen illuminated on the table and you gave it a quick glance, seeing a message from jisung.

you two are so obvious now that i know

you glared into the youngest direction, watching him act all innocent and ignoring you.

"have renjun and you confessed to each other yet?", seoyun asked hyein as the two of them were making their way to txt's party.

"i don't know.", hyein blushed.

"come on. he lent you his sweater, walked you home, opens your water bottle for you and had been overall nicer to you than anyone else apart from his group of friends. gotta confess before he thinks you're not interested. if i'd known i wouldn't have had invited him to my party back then. oh, maybe he didn't come because he already had you in mind.", seoyun seemed so excited for her friend, recalling all the moment hyein talked to her about.

"i don't know how to do it. or what to say. plus i kinda want him to do it you know."

"oh my god, i just remembered. one of my friends was at that new jewelry store that opened in gangnam and guess who she saw there."

"a celebrity?"

"renjun."

hyein's eyes lit up at the mention of the boy's name, "what was he doing there?"

"buying jewelry, duh. she said it was a necklace but couldn't see it. maybe it's for you. like as a confession gift.", seoyun jumped and clapped her hands excitedly, "that would be so cute."

the two girls stepped into the frat house and were immediately overwhelmed with the sound of the music blasting through the speakers.

hyein spotted your group of friends hanging out on one of the many couches in the house. her eyes immediately searched for one particular boy amongst you. her smile grew as she spotted renjun in his party outfit. he looked hot in his black jeans and shirt as he ran a hand through his hair while talking to jeno about something.

"hey guys!", hyein greeted as she found her way to you all.

some of your friends moved around to let her take a seat. you on the other hand had been talking with yeonjun since you arrived, and you realized that if you two didn't fuck tonight, you'll probably be friends. you two got a similar sense of humor and talked pretty well with one another. renjun, though, didn't really like seeing you stick with yeonjun all night. it somehow irritated him so much that he couldn't even concentrate well on what hyein was talking to him about.

"oh i love this song.", you said, grabbing yeonjun's hand and running to the dance floor. renjun's eyes followed the two of you completely filtering what hyein was saying. when he realized she was waiting for an answer he quickly acted like he couldn't hear her over the music, "sorry, what did you say?"

"i said, i'm going to get a drink. do you want something?", hyein repeated.

"i'm alright.", he gave her a neutral smile to thank her for her offer.

his eyes immediately went back to yeonjun and you. you were both dancing pretty close to one another and you seemed to be enjoying yourselves.

"stop staring or everyone will find out.", jisung nudged him with a smirk.

"i wasn't staring."

"sure.", jisung replied, not believing him one bit.

renjun's attention went back to you and he was surprised to find you dancing alone, yeonjun having disappeared like the bunny in the magic hat. his legs betrayed him and moved on their own towards you. next thing he knew he was standing in front of you.

"renjun? on the dance floor? i must be dreaming.", you teased, screaming over the music for him to hear you.

"where's yeonjun?"

"someone came to get him. apparently someone threw up somewhere they shouldn't so he had to go and take care of it.", you informed, while still moving your body along the beats of the music, "come on, dance a little. you look like a fly in a bowl of spaghetti."

your comparaison made him smile, "i don't dance."

you gave him a look before saying, "it's easy. just follow me.", you pressed your back to his chest and grabbed his hand to put it on your waist, swaying your hips to the beat. renjun followed you reluctantly at first but finally gave in after some time. you two were dancing really closely in the middle of the crowd of people doing the same thing.

jisung caught the two of you from the corner of his eyes and a little smile crept onto his lips. he won't deny the fact that you two looked good together, but he wasn't sure if the two of you would be a match for more than what you two already were. jisung wasn't really close with renjun, the two of them were the quietest of the group, only having conversations here and there, nothing really deep. though, jisung did appreciate when renjun would stay with him when the others abandoned him at a party, even telling him to go to your place. nevertheless, he was curious how your relationship would turn out.

from where he was, jeno also caught the two of you on the dance floor. even though there were many people dancing, he could see a glimpse of the two of you being really close. your current interaction just deepened his suspicious. for some time now, jeno noticed how renjun and you had gotten closer without really showing how close you've gotten. it was weird for him because he couldn't decipher how it happened or when. he would catch moments when you two whispered something to each other at lunch, thinking everyone was too engrossed into their conversation to notice or how you've been more in sync than you used to. jeno knew you since forever so he picked up on a few of your behaviors and how it changed with renjun. he wasn't sure of him yet but intended to ask you about it at some point.

on her way back to the group, hyein bumped into seoyun who was looking for her, "here you are. i was looking for you."

"why?"

"is everything okay between renjun and you?"

"yeah?"

"because he's on the dance floor with y/n and they seem pretty close.", seoyun nodded towards the crowd of people dancing with the two of you in the middle of it, practically glued to each other.

hyein furrowed her eyebrows, she thought the two of you were just friends, at least that was what she heard from renjun when one of her classmates insinuated that he may have a crush on you some time ago. were you into renjun then? should she back off? no, of course not. should she tell you to back off? no, that sounds weird, she didn't even know if you really liked him or not.

her eyes followed the two of you as you made your way through the people to walk towards the kitchen. seoyun and her followed you two, a few steps away, staying by the door frame to not be seen and acted like they were talking about something.

"what do you want?", renjun asked you as you scanned all the drinks available in front of you.

"make me your special drink.", you said with a smile.

renjun smirked, hearing the words coming out of your mouth. he grabbed two red plastic cups and started mixing his own concoction. you watched in awe as he poured and mix things together.

"y/n?", a familiar voice called from behind you.

you turned around and found yourself being mentally slapped by the face of someone you never thought you'd see again.

your first love was standing there, looking right back at you, "hyunbin? what are you doing here?", you asked, trying to keep yourself together.

"i know one of the txt's guy. i've been wanting to talk to you for some time now but never found the right moment so when soobin told me about this party, i was kinda hoping i'd bump into you.", he answered, scratching the back of his neck while having that embarrassed expression you remembered all too well, "do you have some time right now? i'd love to catch up."

you were speechless. you never thought you'd see him again after high school since he was supposed to go study overseas. it'd been three years. in three years, you managed to somehow forget about him. you just locked all the memories of him in a box in a corner of your brain and never thought about him again. of course, it was easier to do since he left but seeing him there in front of you with the same smile that melted your heart a few years back, unlocked all those moments and emotions you tried to suppress back then. you were overwhelmed.

"i- uh-"

"here, your drink.", as if on cue, renjun came back by your side, handing you a red cup filled with his own special drink.

"sorry, i'm with my friends, right now but someday.", you quickly said, turning to renjun and grabbing the drink he made for you.

"my number's still the same. text me.", hyunbin said, full of hope as he watched you walk away.

you hurried through the crowd, not really knowing where you were headed but only wanted to get out of there. the air was becoming heavy, and your mouth and throat felt drier as the seconds passed. you managed to find your way to the front door and exited rapidly, running down the stairs that led to the front door, followed closely by renjun. you needed to drink something so you one shoted the drink in your hand.

"wooh, i don't think that's a good idea.", renjun said, trying to stop you but it was too late, you've already finished your cup, "what happened?", he asked, voice filled with concern.

"nothing.", you lied, "i just want to go home.", you started walking away, waving goodbye to your friend.

there was no way renjun was going to let you walk home alone at this hour, completely drunk.

"you don't have to come with me.", you said.

"it's alright, i was tired anyway.", renjun lied as he gave his drink to some random guy that was passing by, about to go in the frat house.

you two walked in silence. you were thinking too much about what just happened.

text me.

did you still have his number? of course you did. his name was still the same. you never had the courage to delete it. maybe deep down you were hopping for him to text you one day. he was your first love after all. how can you really forget about him?

you felt sick to your stomach, it felt like your heart was clogging your throat. that weird feeling of having someone's hand crushing your heart in their palm along with a kick in the stomach that made you want to puke every bit of your soul out.

"oh fuck.", you stopped in your steps, eyes frantically searching for a nearby bush. you ran towards one, stumbling a lot. turned out the feeling in your stomach wasn't only due to the unexpected reunion with your ex but also due to the full cup of alcohol you one shoted earlier.

renjun held your hair as you threw up, grimacing a bit at the sight of your vomit. you stood straight back up after emptying everything you had in your stomach. renjun handed you a tissue and you thanked him, wiping your mouth. he then turned his back to you and got on one knee, "get on."

"wha-"

"you look exhausted and it'll be quicker like this so get on."

you hesitantly put your arms around his neck, pressing your body against his back as he grabbed onto the back of your legs, wrapping them around him.

"wanna talk about it?", renjun asked as he walked.

you buried your face in his shoulder, shaking your head, "no..."

he understood and didn't press the matter. he gave you a piggyback ride all the way back to your apartment in silence, leaving you to deal with your thoughts as you wanted.

renjun tucked you in bed before heading to your bathroom, he searched your drawers for makeup wipes. you lied in bed, eyes closed and ready to fall asleep when you feel the mattress sunk in next to you, "come on, bear with me just a little more.", he removed the covers from your head and removed the hairs covering your face. he then pulled out a makeup wipe from the packet and started gently removing your makeup. you whined as the wet and cold wipe touched your skin, "shhhh, just a little more.", renjun shushed you softly, concentrating on what he was doing.

he used two more wipes to make sure your face was makeup free before throwing them in the trash and putting the packet back into its drawer. renjun came back to your side, caressing your hair as you hummed in response, indicating that you were still conscious, "i'm gonna go. sleep well.", he gave you a quick forehead kiss and patted your head.

you grabbed his hand to stop him from stepping any further away, "can you stay please?"

that was the first time you've asked to break one of your rules. but right now, neither of you cared about a stupid rule, you needed comfort, and he was willing to give it to you.

"sure. i'll just change real quick.", renjun grabbed the pair of sweatpants he left at your apartment along with one of his tshirt before heading to the bathroom.

you rolled to one side of your bed, leaving enough space for him to lay down. when renjun came back, he slid under the cover next to you, wrapping his arms around your body. his warmth and presence made you feel safe and at peace.

you woke up the next morning to an empty bed. your mind was blank for an instant after you opened your eyes, but everything hit you back as soon as your brain registered that you were awake. checking the time on your phone, you sighed, getting out of bed. you went to the bathroom to take a well-deserved shower. it was already two in the afternoon and you didn't have much to do except maybe some research for the paper you had to turn in in a week.

after your shower you headed towards your kitchen for something to eat. you spotted a plastic bag on your kitchen counter along with a little black box and a note.

bought you lunch and some drinks. had to go. ps: you can consider the black box as an early birthday gift. i was supposed to give it to you when jisung was at your apartment.

you smiled at the note before setting it aside to look through the bag. he bought your favorite lunch from that place you liked down your street and your favorite drinks from the convenience store. the intention warmed your heart as you moved onto the black box. you untied the bow before opening it. there was another box inside. a velvety one. you opened it and your eyes mirrored the sparkles from the necklace in front of you. it was a simple, yet beautiful one that can easily match with all your outfits. there was a little card in the box, you picked it up and read it.

it reminded me of you.

you smiled again.

"is that new?", jeno asked, pointing at the jewelry hanging from your neck.

"yeah.", you nodded with a smile, hand grazing against the cold necklace as you sat down at the lunch table.

"who is that from?", hyein asked kind of suspicious. she got reminded of what seoyun told her before txt's party.

"is that from yeonjun?", donghyuck asked playfully, wiggling his eyebrows.

"it's from someone who didn't forget my birthday.", you rolled your eyes.

donghyuck's eyes widen in horror, "is it today?"

"she's messing with you.", jisung said.

"you still got a week.", mark patted his shoulder.

you all proceeded to talk about what happened at the party, you didn't talk about your ex, not ready to bring the subject up yet.

after lunch you were about to go to the library and continue your work on your paper when a voice called from behind you, "y/n? wait!"

"yeah, hyein. what's up?", you smiled at the girl in front of you.

"do you have some time to talk? it's important.", hyein asked shyly. you could tell that whatever it was, she was nervous.

"yeah, sure. what is it?", you tried to be as friendly as possible so she wouldn't feel stressed.

"i don't want to sound rude and it's not my intention at all but i'd really appreciate if you could back off renjun a bit?"

"excuse me, what?", your nice act dropped immediately, letting place to your real feelings as your smile dropped.

"i- you see, renjun and i have...uhm...something going on- i think-"

"and you think i'm...crossing the line?"

"no- i mean, not crossing the line- but- i- ", she stuttered, obviously flustered by your attitude, "i really don't want to sound mean...i just- i don't like the fact that you cling onto him that much..."

there was a silence before hyein spoke again, "well...uhm...i'll go to class now. thanks for listening."

you stayed there speechless for a moment. you couldn't believe the audacity of that girl, you were sure renjun wasn't interested in her. or did it change since last time? you mentally took note to ask him later.

you walked back into your room from the bathroom after one of your nights with renjun because you had to pee. yes, girls, always pee after sex, always. you were wearing his tshirt as you watched him put his sweatpants back on before laying back down on your bed, obviously exhausted.

"i have a question."

"shoot.", renjun replied, looking at you curiously.

"do you still not like hyein?", your question sounded clearer in your head than when you said it.

"what do you mean?"

"are you romantically interested in her?", you specified.

"i thought i already answered that question.", he replied, a little confused.

"yeah but i heard something today and just wanted to make sure."

"what did you hear?"

"she told me you two have something going on?", you hesitantly said. a part of you was afraid of what he would say.

"what?", he exclaimed as you could clearly hear the shock in his voice.

"that was my reaction. then she asked me to back off."

his eyes were as wide as yours were or even bigger.

"that's your fault!", he claimed, pointing at you.

"what now?", you exclaimed, offended by his accusations.

"you told me to be nicer to her!"

"yeah nicer, not make her fall for you! what did you even do?"

"i don't know!"

"think! what 'nice' things have you done for her so far?"

renjun paused for a moment, thinking, "i say hello to her, i open her water bottles for her when she asks me to, i give her my note if she asks me to, i once lent her my sweater because hyunjin told me to, had to walk her home afterwards to get it back. i also wait for her to go to the cafeteria together when we have the same classes."

you gave him a look. you understood why she could've thought he was maybe into her, especially since it was renjun. he was known to be pretty cold towards people that wasn't his friend.

"you told me to be nicer! so i acted like i did with yall."

"alright. i admit that i did play a part. you can act normally now and if she confesses, try to not let her down too harshly."

"yes, ma'am.", he playfully saluted you, sitting straight up.

you rolled your eyes but couldn't stop the smile creping on your face as you walked towards him and flicked his forehead with your two fingers. he winced at the pain for two seconds before smiling and pulling you onto him by your waist. you straddled him, cupping his cheeks between your hands and crashing your lips onto his. the kiss became more passionate than you expected but you enjoyed it nonetheless, pulling away after enough time for renjun to crave for more, "you're driving me crazy.", he said, making you smirk.

the next day, you were happily eating lunch and discussing with your friends as usual when the sight of something or rather someone interrupted you.

"hey, guys!", hyein cheerfully greeted, "i brought someone today, i hope you don't mind."

"hey, everyone. hey, y/n."

"hyunbin.", his name escaped your lips involuntarily. your ex sat down next to you as hyein sat opposite him, next to renjun, "how- how do you two know each other?"

"we met at txt's party and apparently he knows some of you so i invited him to have lunch with us.", hyein explained.

"i hope i'm not intruding.", hyunbin smiled at you shyly.

"it's alright...", you said, heart beating fast.

renjun gave you a quick look to make sure you were alright as hyein was talking to him about some homework thing.

"we couldn't talk much last friday. i missed talking to you. how've you been?", hyunbin asked.

you didn't know if he knew the meaning of what he was saying to you and you were quite shocked at his audacity, "good...", you managed to say, even though it was a lie, "how about you?"

"i've been alright. i spent some time overseas as you know. now that i'm back, my dad is going to train me to take over the family's business."

"are your parents doing well?", you asked. you've always loved his parents. they were really supportive of him and the both of you.

"they're doing pretty well despite getting older. they ask me about you sometimes. you were their favorite so far.", he chuckled.

you managed to smile back even though the thoughts of you two together back then crushed your heart. you managed to get through the lunch and not go into a full mental breakdown. hyunbin kept talking about his life overseas, asking what he missed in your life and such things. he talked as if nothing had change between the two of you, as if he didn't completely shatter the way you viewed relationships and yourself afterwards. it's messed up how no matter what you do, your first relationship affects all the relationship you have in the future. jeno was the first witness of it. being with you since kindergarten, jeno was there at every important step of your life and so were you for his. he remembered hyunbin and how he completely destroyed you. he remembered how you were happy with him at first but then it gradually got worse and worse in very subtle ways. hyunbin was quite the jealous boyfriend back then, he couldn't stand your friendship with him. at that time, you two weren't the closest because of that but it didn't stop you from not being friends with him at all. so when hyunbin showed up at your lunch table, he wasn't pleased and it got even worse when he learned that hyunbin was at the party friday, meaning you may have saw him. he took a mental note to check on you later.

you almost let out a sigh in relief as it was time for you to go to your afternoon classes. you said goodbye to everyone and headed to your shared class with renjun.

"y/n!", the voice made you stop in your actions as you froze on the spot. renjun, next to you, stopped as well, furrowing his eyebrows in the direction on the person calling you.

"what is it, hyunbin?", you asked, trying to control the pitch of your voice.

"can we talk? it's not gonna be long i promise."

you hesitated for a second but you knew how persistent hyunbin could be so you'd rather get it over with so you could forget he ever came back into your life. you turned to renjun and said, "go ahead, i'll join you after."

renjun gave you a look, to make sure you were okay with the situation and as you nodded with a little smile, he understood and left hyunbin and you alone.

"what do you want to say?"

"alright....uhm....okay...here i go.", he mentally hype himself up to get the courage to say what he wanted to say next, "i missed you. like a lot and i know i messed up. i am so sorry for that, i realized how wrong i was way too late. i know now that you're the one i want. we were so good together, remember? if you're willing to give me a second chance, i would like us to try again."

you were speechless.

"you don't have to answer now. text me when you have an answer. i'll wait.", hyunbin hesitantly pecked your forehead before walking away.

you were frozen for ten good minutes before your feet started moving on their own. you didn't go to class though. you headed straight home with a lot on your mind.

after his classes, jeno waited for you in front of yours, it was your second class of the afternoon and you were the only one in your group of friends to be in it. he waited until the last person but you weren't there, "hello, excuse me, professor, did you see y/n leaving?"

"y/n? she was absent today."

jeno frowned in response. you were there earlier. did you just go home after lunch? he thanked the professor before making his way to the parking lot to get his car and drive to your apartment.

as he went to open the door of your building, he bumped into a familiar face, "renjun?"

"jeno?"

"what are you doing here?", jeno asked as they both walked towards the elevator.

"y/n didn't came to class after lunch so the professor asked me to give her some documents for next class.", renjun lied. he had nothing for you, he just wanted to see how you were doing. you didn't come to class after talking to your ex and you didn't respond to any of his texts, so he was worried.

jeno rang your doorbell but nothing, you didn't open the door or said anything, "y/n, it's jeno and renjun, open the door."

still nothing.

renjun decided to tap in your code, almost as a reflex and jeno raised an eyebrow as the electronic sound of the door opening was heard.

you gave him your code?

"y/n?", jeno called once again.

they noticed the pair of shoes you were always wearing by the entrance and the absence of your slippers and deduced that you must've been home. they knocked on your bedroom's door and upon hearing a groan from the other side, jeno slowly opened it, revealing a you, all wrapped up in your blanket as you glared at them.

"what happened?", jeno asked, crossing his arms.

"none of your business.", you pouted like a four-year-old being scolded by their parents.

"really? what happened with hyunbin today? did you see him at the party?"

you sighed, "i did see him at the party and today, he wanted to talk."

"about what?"

"getting back together."

"woah! the audacity. how did you reject him?", the silence from you made him frown, "you did reject him, right?"

"he told me to think about it first.", you said.

"are you really considering getting back with that jerk?", jeno furrowed his eyebrows.

"i don't know...", you replied, fearing his reaction.

"y/n...do you realize how stupid you sound, right now?", it sounded harsher than he meant it to be.

"jeno...", renjun called, trying to calm his friend down.

"no really, don't you remember how much he hurt you? and i'm not only talking about the breakup. the relationship as a whole became so toxic. how on earth would you want to get back to that?", jeno was so frustrated with you at this point but it wasn't because he was mad. he cared about you and your well-being, that was why he couldn't stand watching you like that.

"it was a long time ago. he changed. he must have.", you said the last part almost trying to convince yourself more than the two standing in front of you.

"and what if he didn't. i don't want to stand by and watch him...dim your light. not again.", jeno had tears in his eyes as he spoke.

"i really don't wanna talk about this right now. can you leave please?", you said, turning your face away so they wouldn't see the tears in your eyes.

"y/n...", renjun started but you interrupted him.

"please."

jeno stormed out of your apartment, not waiting for renjun. he was obviously shaken up by the interaction, wiping the tears that had fallen down.

"renjun, please. i need to be alone right now.", you said, noticing how the boy hadn't move a bit.

"just...just answer this and i'll leave.", renjun said. you nodded, hesitantly, "do you really consider getting back with your ex?"

you took a deep breath before answering, "he was my first love, renjun."

even though you didn't give him a clear answer, he understood the meaning of what you said. renjun nodded before exiting your room in silence. he slipped his shoes back on and closed the door behind him as he left.

you finally broke down and let your tears overflow as you heard the door closing. you hated fighting with jeno. it didn't happen often, but it was mainly because of your poor love life choices. you two had different point of view on love. it wasn't that you didn't realize how toxic your relationship had become with hyunbin, you just had hope that since you two had grown up so much since high school, you'd be able to do better this time. like it was when you two first started dating. your first love always had a special place in your heart, you truly felt loved by him, and it was something you never felt from anyone else. you're not talking about friendship or family, you were talking about love. maybe it wasn't the greatest, but it was the best anyone had ever gave you in that department.

jeno, on the other hand, was a bystander in your love life for the longest time. from lovers to hook ups, he had seen everyone you've had a sort of relationship with and had seen you go through so much over the years, it almost made him happier when you were single, because you seemed to enjoy life more. he wished you'd be able to find someone who could make you even more happy though.

"do you know what happened between y/n and her ex?", renjun blurted out as soon as jisung let him enter his dorm.

"nice of you to visit us renjun.", chenle said from the couch.

renjun ignored his comment as he removed his shoes before stepping into the living room area.

"why do you want to know?", jisung asked, closing the door.

"she's considering getting back with him. jeno and her just fought about it."

"what?", the two youngest reacted at the same time.

"is it that bad?", renjun asked, seeing the look on their face.

"i wasn't there yet when it happened but i've heard about it.", jisung said.

"i was there.", chenle said, earning jisung and renjun's attention, "y/n wasn't really apart of the group yet. it was really at the beginning, there was only jeno, jaemin, donghyuck and i. they were a pretty popular couple so everything about them was pretty much public knowledge. at first, it was quite alright, usual couple stuff but then everyone noticed how y/n started talking to others less and less. even ditching her friends last minute. it came to a point that all her friends just gave up on her since they didn't hang out anymore. hyunbin had started showing his insecure side and was getting more and more jealous of whoever surrounded her, especially jeno. from what i know that was the only time their friendship almost ended for good. that's how bad it was. it became even worse after their breakup in senior year. i don't really know what he told her, but she took it pretty hard and almost didn't pass her exams."

"i knew it was bad but i didn't know it was that complicated.", jisung said with wide eyes.

"and i don't know the whole thing.", chenle replied.

"why would she want to get back with him then?", renjun asked, "y/n deserves so much better than him. the girl really has everything going for her, she doesn't need to settle for him."

jisung and chenle gave each other a look as renjun rambled about you. they've never seen him like this. the two youngest wondered if he himself, realized how infatuated he was with you.

"maybe because no one have shown her how she should be treated yet.", chenle said, hoping renjun would understand what he insinuated.

"wait! renjun! can we talk?", a voice called after him as he just stepped out of his classroom. he was a little irritated because he had plans but still stopped in his track.

"what do you want, hyein?"

"i- uhm... do you want to hang out someday, maybe...?", she shyly said.

"no.", he replied before walking away.

"wait. i don't understand. we were getting along just well. is it because of y/n? you know she has something going with hyunbin right? she's probably just toying with you."

she was getting on his nerves.

"how do you know about hyunbin and her?"

"he told me at txt's party. that's why i invited him over to have lunch."

that was it. he was fed up with her.

"you did what?", his eyes darken as he spoke, "first of all, whatever you think we have, never existed in the first place. i've only been 'nicer' to you because y/n asked me to. and second, who are you to interfere into someone else's business? please refrain from ever talking to me or y/n again."

renjun turned around for good this time and walked away without looking back. he may had been a little harsh but the thought of hyein bringing hyunbin to their group just so she could have him for herself sickened him. he tried to brush what just happened aside and got back to his initial plan. he took out his phone and texted you.

picking you up in an hour.

you've been sitting on your couch, staring at renjun's text for the past ten minutes.

what was that text for? where is he going to take you? why?

you changed into something casual since there was no precision in his text and waited for him. you didn't know why but it made you nervous somehow.

you almost had a heart attack when you heard your doorbell ring and renjun's face appeared on the monitor next to your entrance. you opened the door to reveal a well-dressed renjun, nothing too fancy but you definitely noticed the effort.

"are you ready?", he asked.

you grabbed your bag and a light jacket before slipping on your shoes while nodding in answer to his question.

"what is happening?"

"you'll see."

you followed him as you two took the subway to a mysterious place. you wondered what renjun had in mind.

"here we are.", renjun said, stopping in front of a restaurant.

your eyes lit up as you saw the bright sign on the front of the restaurant. it was a fried chicken place that you've always wanted to try but no one was free to go with you.

"come on. i told the ahjumma to give us the best table.", renjun gave you a smile as he held the door for you.

you were immediately hit with the smell of fried goodness. you looked around with sparkles in your eyes, "why is no one here yet?"

"i asked them to open thirty minutes early as a favor. the ahjumma running this place is really nice."

"renjun-ah! you came!", an old lady walked towards you two from the kitchen.

"yes, ahjumma.", he smiled.

"is that the lucky girl?", she asked, confusing you a bit, "here's the table i set aside for you two. the best in here, with the best view."

she accompanied you two to your table on the second floor. the view was incredible. you could see the street of seoul illuminated by all the restaurants' and shops' lights along with the cars circulating on the large routes and people going home from work.

"how did you-"

"just enjoy.", he interrupted you.

a waiter came to your table and said, "what you've asked for is almost ready. would you like to start with some drinks in the meantime?"

"sure.", renjun answered.

"here's the menu for all our drinks. you can tap this button right here when you made your choice.", the waiter gave each of you a menu before showing the call button on the side of the table.

"thank you.", you smiled before he walked away.

after ordering your drinks, they arrived pretty quickly while renjun and you talked about your day, "hyein confessed to me today."

"really?"

"well, i wouldn't really call that a confession. she tried asking me out and was offended when i said no because 'there was something between us'.", he air quoted with his fingers and a confused face, making you smile.

"you let her down easy i hope."

"not as easy as you would've wanted me to."

at the corner of your eyes, you saw an army of waiter arriving with multiple plates, "woah! what's all this."

"i figured since you've always wanted to come here, you'd have to try everything. so i asked them to make a smaller portion of everything on their menu."

"enjoy your food.", the waiters told you as they left.

you stared at renjun, flabbergasted and speechless. you didn't understand where all this was coming from, "stop staring and start eating before it gets cold."

you blinked away your shocked expression and started eating the delicious food. you commented on every flavor of fried chicken there were. renjun watched you smile as you enjoyed the food and wished he could see you smile like that every day.

"wooah! i'm so full right now.", you leaned back in your chair after eating your last piece of chicken.

"that was the best fried chicken i've ever eaten.", renjun said after finishing his drink.

"you two finished already?", you two sat straight up as you heard the ahjumma from earlier's voice.

"yes.", you smiled, "it was the best!", you complimented with a thumbs up.

"aigoo~ aren't you cute.", she cooed at you, "i wanted to see if you were enjoying the meal and to bring you the check personally.", she put the receipt down on the table and you reached for it but renjun grabbed it before you could.

"i invited you, i'm paying.", he said, taking his wallet out.

"he's a keeper.", the ahjumma whispered to you, making you blush.

"that was so good! thank yoouuu!", you smiled, bowing at a full 90 degrees as you exited the restaurant.

"do you have enough energy for one last thing?", renjun asked with a knowing smile.

"mmmh, yeah sure.", you said, cocking your head to the side, face full of question.

"come on. it's not far from here.", renjun grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers as he led the way.

you were surprised by the pda. it wasn't his type to initiate these kinds of things in public. it felt different from all the time he's held your hand before. well, the only times your hand was in his were when he was literally in you, so the context was completely different, but you'd lie if you said you didn't enjoy it.

you frowned once you realized he let go of your hand because of the cold wind hitting your palm.

"tada!", he said, waving his hand in the air towards the shop. it was a place where you could take photobooth pictures with accessories and all.

"we came here the first year of college. i saw the pictures on your wall and thought it was about time they get updated. we struggled to fit eight people in the booth but two should be fine."

you two spent a good two hours, taking pictures with all kinds of accessories. renjun got tired an hour in but the smile on your face and sparkles in your eyes made him put on the cat ears you were holding out to him.

you looked so cute with your bunny ears on and for once he listened to the little voice in his head and cupped your cheeks, turning your face towards him as he softly planted a kiss on your lips. you were used to kisses full of passion and lust but this one felt different. it was gentler and full of...love?

it was funny how renjun was only noticing now how much your happiness mattered to him. not that it didn't matter before, he just never realized it. it made him think of back when he learned that you got cheated on by one of your exes with your girl best friend. mark told renjun, he had never seen him lose so much control before. he even surprised himself when he threw that punch square into your cheating ex's jaw. he was really protective of your whole friend group but maybe even back then there was already something.

you got out the store with five sets of pictures and the biggest smile on your face. you blush noticing one where renjun and you kissed. this night made you forget about all your problems, and you were really grateful for it. on the way back to your apartment, you rambled about the fried chicken place and how good it was. you even tried to make renjun reveal how he managed to make the owner agree to his requests, but he kept quiet on the details, making you pout. he noticed how you were shaking a little due to the cold and gave you his jacket and scarf.

"but what about you?", you said.

"it's fine. i was hot anyway.", he said.

that was a lie.

"what a night.", you said, falling back onto your bed once you've came back to your apartment.

"how do you feel?", renjun asked, standing next to your desk.

"tired but great. one of the best nights ever.", you said, sitting up.

renjun walked towards your bed, stopping right in front of you and lowering the top half of his body to face you, "remember that feeling.", he said, his index tapping tour temple, "and never settle for less."

his words hit you hard. you were speechless for a moment as you felt all sort of emotions. did renjun do all that to tell you you deserved better? your heart was beating really fast as you looked at him. 

renjun knew he wouldn't be able to convince you to not go back to your first love but the least he could do was show you how he should be treating from now on.

"i'll let you rest now. see you tomorrow."

his words snapped you out of your trance and thoughts. your body moved before you could even realize it. the only thing you could think of was that you didn't want him to leave just yet. 

you didn't want that feeling to fade away just yet.

you grabbed his hand, making him stopped in his tracks, "could you stay just tonight? can you pretend just a little longer?"

you almost cringed as the words left your mouth but there was no way to say it differently.

renjun looked at you in the eyes and there was no way he could've said no to you, right then and there. your words hit him deep though. pretend. did he really pretend?

after changing into your sleepwear, you two got into your bed, snuggling into one another. renjun brushed his hand through your hair, he learned that it was something that helped you fall asleep. once your breathing had stabilized and he knew you've fallen asleep, he whispered, "if only you've had notice, it wasn't all pretend...maybe...just, maybe it wouldn't have been too late."

this was the first time he's ever admitted it aloud, even though you'd never know because of how asleep you sounded.

for the next week, the tension in the group caused by your fight with jeno dissipated little by little. so much that you felt it was time for you two to make up. you've spent the whole day perfecting the speech you were going to tell him. jeno was someone important in your life and you didn't want to lose him nor make him worry about you.

after your last class of the day, you sprinted to the other side of campus, where student usually parked their car. you arrived right on time to see jeno start his. you stood right before his vehicle, making him hit the break really hard.

"yah, do you want to die?", jeno shouted as he rolled down his window.

"can...we...talk?", you panted with your two hands on his hood.

jeno was taken aback by your question. your fights usually just faded away on their own. he nodded and told you to get in his car.

you closed the door and turned towards your best friend, "i'm sorry.", you started, "i know i tend to isolate myself when things go wrong. i know that you just want the best for me and you're worried i'll do something i'll regret. i'm here to tell you that you don't have to anymore, i can handle myself and i'll always lean on you if i need to."

jeno blinked a few times before leaning towards you and wrapping his arms around you, "i just want you to be happy.", he muttered.

"i know.", you smiled, patting the back of his head.

"want a ride home?", he asked, pulling away from your hug.

"it's alright, i gotta meet someone before going home.", you said, "don't worry.", you added catching the look he was sending your way, "it's gonna be alright."

you bid him goodbye and exited his car, waving as he started driving away. you checked your phone to see that the person you texted right before running to the parking lot had texted you back.

i'll be waiting at the cafe opposite the university.

you took a deep breath before heading towards the coffee shop. you had a lot of talking to do today which you weren't really used to, but it was something that needed to be done. you've thought about a lot of things during this whole week, and you've come to a lot of conclusions. the first thing was to talk with jeno, which was the easiest. now, you had to talk to him.

"hey, y/n!"

"hello, hyunbin.", you greeted, sitting opposite him.

"i ordered what you usually drank. i hope you still like it.", he smiled at you, pushing one of the two plastic cups in his hands towards you.

"thanks.", you said, taking a sip of a drink that reminded you of so much.

"did you think about what i told you?", he asked, eyes full of hope.

"...yeah.", you started, "i...i don't think it's a good idea."

"why? we complemented each other so well. remember?"

"i do...", you sighed, looking out the window as the memories of your relationship came flooding back, "but i also remember how lonely i felt. our relationship started great, but it shifted at some point. i don't really know when. it hurt me, you know...the breakup, the relationship as a whole. maybe a week or two earlier, i would've accepted to try again, but someone made me realized that i shouldn't settle for less than i deserve.", hyunbin opened his mouth to say something but you stopped him, "i know it was back then and you must have changed, like i did. and that maybe, it could be better...but it is not something i am curious about anymore."

hyunbin had his head down, probably deep in his thoughts. you grabbed your phone and checked the time. it was getting pretty late, and the sun was already starting to set, "i have to go but i hope you'll find what you're looking for.", you patted his head before grabbing your empty cup and leaving. you threw the cup in the plastic bin and walked out the coffee shop without looking back. hyunbin was in your past now and you'll make sure it stays that way, walking towards your future.

your phone vibrated in your pocket as you held onto the subway pole.

i just arrived

where u at?

coming, you hit send.

you tapped in the code of your apartment and heard the melody telling you that you could enter.

"it's getting so cold outside what the fuck? i thought spring was coming soon.", you said, closing the door behind you and removing your coat and shoes. you hung your bag near the entrance and walked towards renjun who stood up from your couch.

"told you to buy gloves. it's still cold outside at this hour.", he grabbed your hands, rubbing and pressing them between his in an attempted to warm them. it was a habit he picked up during the last winter and you found it pretty cute.

"i didn't plan to stay out that long.", you pouted.

"where even were you?"

"i was talking to hyunbin."

"oh?", your answer made him stop in his actions and drop your hands, "how did it go?"

"better than expected."

"are you two-?", he couldn't even finish his question, leaving it for you to fill in the blanks as he avoided your eyes.

"nope.", you smiled.

"i thought-", renjun had trouble forming sentences as he looked at you with wide eyes.

"what did you think?", your smile turned to something more playful as you took a step closer to him. you examined the look on his face as you leaned in closer and cupped his cheeks with your two hands, making his heart beat faster than he thought it was able to, "did i make you speechless, renjunnie?", you teased.

he gulped at the closeness of your faces. he cursed himself for being this nervous suddenly. it wasn't like you two were never that close before. he was taken aback by your lips gently pressing onto his. he started kissing back after a few seconds as you mentally sighed in relief. you thought you did something wrong at first, but you completely melted as he kissed you back. it was the same feeling as when he kissed you during your 'date'.

renjun pulled away out of breath, "wh-", he didn't even manage to say the word completely, pressing his forehead against yours.

"it's never too late."

your words hit him like a train.

indeed, you weren't asleep. your eyes were closed, and your breathing was consistent, but you were still on that thin line between awake and asleep and you heard everything he said while he thought you were long gone.

"did you really think i'd settle for less than you after that?", you said, taking a step back and looking at him in the eyes, "so...would you like to go on a real date this time?", you shyly, asked, all your confidence vanishing with your question.

renjun remained speechless. the neutral expression on his face made it hard for you to know what he was thinking.

"please, say something.", you were on the verge of breaking down because of how nervous you felt. maybe this was a bad idea after all. maybe you read the signs wrong. maybe you didn't understand what he meant. maybe-

"yes."

you looked at him with bright eyes as if he just presented you twelve kittens. you smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing him in a hug. he instantly wrapped his arms around you, holding you tight as if he wanted to make sure this was real.

you two started dating publicly a few weeks later.

it only came as a shock to half the group as jisung, chenle and jeno already knew that something was going on, even though jeno got kind of sulky that you didn't tell him sooner.

"damn. you really never know what's going on behind closed doors, huh?"

[sparkles-oflight]

I wasn't going to post this. I saw everyone jumping on the "let me tell you my emotional connection to joker out" train and I wasn't going to participate because.....well....my annoying ass already said everything there needs to be said through tags on random posts (I should really learn how to shut my mouth).

But now it's 4 am (thank you Rosa Linn, I can't say that seriously ever again), I'm having trouble sleeping since I'm not fully recovered from my cold, so, fuck it.

I'll go on a rant so... I'll add the little thing that "divides" the post so that is easier to skip

Ah....where to start...I could tell you how I started enjoying joker out but that's a wholeass post on itself...

So, I'm going to start with how I connect to each member.

Bojan, you were the one who "opened the doors" to me. Frontman doing his service. In Bojan I saw a lot about myself. I saw a guy who loves to make bad puns, who loves languages and brag about their multicultural knowledge. I saw a guy who can be awkward at times, who deal with anxiety problems... Who says they'll stay away from Social media and then proceeds to post the most unhinged things. I saw someone who likes to understand societies as well (please be my tutor, I really need to pass sociology this is year) and likes to fight stereotypes.

Kris told us Bojan's parents can be a bit more judgy and without going into a lot of details, I'll say I also understand that so much (I didn't want to bring sexuality into this, but even if Bojan turns out to be straight, I still relate to all the pressure is parents must put on him just because he goes against "the norm" in the Balkans).

Kris...my bitch.

(Jk jk, I love him a lot).

How do I start?

Kris and I honestly have a lot of common too. The whole "bullying for falling at being one gender" thing hits so close. I don't talk about my gender much but I currently identify as a enby/gender fluid. However, for most of my life I was terrified of failing as a girl.

I remember coming home and asking my mom why was I different from the other girls (NOT IN THE WAY YOU ARE THINKING, PLS, I'M QUITE LITERALLY JUST NOT A GIRL 😅) and she would reply stuff like "Of course you are like the others, you have a vagina like them" - this sounds so bad and it made me feel so much worse because it didn't provide me with an answer at all to the bullying I endured. I had short hair, liked "boyish" things and so I was called a boy (+I got transphobic comments too ✌🏽😙). I was never as close with the girls because of it and boys would also exclude me from being too close to them. I was in the middle and I had to change my personality countless times to fit my assigned gender.

Now that I'm in university, I finally figured myself out and it's so refreshing waking up to see myself with short hair again, with more "genderless" clothes, having no problems with my little "moustachio" and being able to appreciate what I see in the mirror... learning to love myself.

Kris as we know him identifies as a man. He, however, also learned how to break the gender stigma (AND THAT OUTFIT IS A FUCKING STATEMENT) and learned that having confidence in himself is all that matters. No matter how long your hair is, no matter how you dance or sing, no matter the color of your pants. Be yourself and be proud of you are is really what matters!

Jan....I actually don't have a lot to say (I think I wasted most my words with Kris), but just like Kris I also love how comfortable Jan feels in himself and how little he seems to care about what others think. I love his sense of humor and his style. I love his voice and how sometimes he can get a little embarrassed off-stage...I would just really love to have him as a best friend honestly. He probably zones out instead of listening, but oh well 😅

Naceeeeee, my teddy bear. I also don't have the energy to dive too deep in the topic, but as someone who also struggled with body image issues, I'm so proud whenever Nace feels comfortable on his own skin. It's refreshing.

But obviously I gotta mention that post. It's kinda funny to me that he wrote that when I'm currently writing a story for my script class about how it is to live with divorced parents and how the feeling of belonging is something we strive for.

It's something I definitely struggled with all my life and it's getting worse as time goes on. It's so refreshing to see another person go through and talk about it and seeing that they reached the happy ending I'm also looking for...

Jure le chatton. You know I don't usually talk much about you because we know nothing about your life. However, that interview where you said you asked your mom why you were problematic, hit me hard. For a lot of reasons I have mentioned before, but also because I'm considered problematic by both my parents. I don't want to get into many details... It's 4m after all.

There's one thing I was going to mention on Bojan's part, but I figured it would fit the whole band.

I really really am looking up to these guys. They are around my age and they have done so much already. I have been stuck in the past couple of years due to my depression - and realistically I never thought of actually turning 18, let alone 20 - and seeing how much they worked hard makes me want to work hard myself. I haven't been able to, but hopefully I will...

Also, everyday I have been waking up in a good mood knowing I have met some incredible people thanks to this fandom and the boys! Like, excuse people actually care about what I write, what???? 😅

It's been a great experience so far. Let's see what this will bring me in the future :)