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The garment, worn by those in good standing with Hyrule royalty, has been reworked with the latest improvements, such as a new shoulder guard.
#I miss my wife tails. I miss her a lot. I’ll be back#I love the champions leathers design but the story behind it is so sweet too like. she wanted to thank him so she went and#got some improvements added to it?? and she wanted to see his face when she surprises him with it hello?????#I think my favourite part is the half chest just for angst. I like imagining she was very particular about the armour placements#and had a chest piece added because yknow. right over the heart might I add#originally I wanted this to be more angsty but halfway through I was like wait this would completely miss the point#in my mind the armor isn’t just ‘I don’t want you to die again’ but also ‘I want to keep you safe as best I can’#in her diary she was like links armor is wearing down so you know what? I’m gonna add more armor to better protect him!!!#and with her upbringing in mind (and the conversation she had with him about whether he would still choose to be a knight if things were#different) she could have totally asked him to stop doing it altogether. but she made the armor for him instead#sidenote she also got to be a teacher and scholar like she wanted and that is so. dont look at me I’m crying#I don’t know if ANY of this makes sense I’m just rambling. yes I wear the champions leathers every chance I get why do you ask#btw if you squint the leathers chainmail and sweater are taken from the hylian armor chestpiece! slightly modified on the tunic but cool#my art#myart#tears of the kingdom#totk#totk spoilers#totk zelda#totk link#botw spoilers#botw#breath of the wild#loz#loz fanart#comic#tw blood#blood
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on reflection the fact that we didn’t see laena claim vhagar, and now didn’t see the moment addam got on seasmoke either? kinda annoying me
#hotd spoilers#i mean at least we got to SEE addam and seasmoke meet#like since the timeline started we’ve had three perhaps four dragon claiming and not cradle eggs - laena and vhagar; aemond and vhagar;#helaena and dreamfyre; addam and seasmoke; potentially aegon and sunfyre since it’s kinda fuzzy on exactly how that one worked#(i imagine similar to however laenor & seasmoke worked tho? that one is similarly vague)#(oh fuck and daeron and tessarion are in the same boat right? very young rider very young dragon but we’re not told whether this is a cradle#egg or whether this child just felt a pull to a young dragon or whether they were specifically allowed to choose that dragon)#anyways i think it’s really annoying we’ve only see that one (1) claiming esp when you look at the riders of the other ones lol.#also vhagar gets a LOT of action helaena and dreamfyre don’t get anything and they cut the one thing they did do.#laena is vastly underused altho i will give them that they at least on screen establish that bond which is more than u can say for dreamfyre#the seasmoke thing is also like. if you were Just gonna kill him offscreen so addam could ride him. what’s the point.#literally could have just had daemon kill him atp & just have him lie to rhaenyra or whatever.#i’ve really liked the dragon scenes we’ve gotten but frequently it’s like. u called the show house of the dragon.#surely you thought about how you were going to cheaply do the dragons or budget them in. why don’t we get more dragons.#‘well they’re expensive-‘ get an animatronic head to interact w like jurassic park. some of these characters rode their dragons every day!#okY i’m done bitching i can’t believe after i spent all of got going ‘fuck these dragons where are the wolves’ now i’m like#WJERE ARE THE FUCKING DRAGONS CONDAL
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Welcome to my little meta analysis essay called
Why do we misremember Flower Husbands as being “nicer” than it was?
Disclaimer: I’m not here to talk about whether or not FH is “toxic” or anything like that. It’s just a fact that many old fans rewatching FH POV and new fans who are watching it for the first time after seeing fan content tend to be surprised at how they actually behaved in the series compared to how everyone remembered them being back in the day. This will NOT go over whether or not I think FH is unhealthy or whatever and instead just discuss why I believe this phenomenon has happened.
So, if I try to make this a fancy well written essay, I’ll be here all day, so I’ll just get to the point. 3rd Life came out during the DSMP era of mcyt. MCRP has been around for ages, but the DSMP style of RP (which I’ll be calling “smp rp”) was pretty much popularized by DSMP, mostly towards the end of 2020. For reference, 3rd Life started early 2021, so there’s about a half a year between these two events, and DSMP kept going for years so 3rd Life was absolutely happening during the golden era of DSMP.
But what does DSMP have to do with this? Well, it sort of created this idea of “lore” and only specific things being “canon”. You can make fun of me for the way I worded that, but you know what I mean, DSMP was weird about that stuff. I don’t really blame them as it was kind of a new style of RP they accidentally spawned, but still, it was a confusing time for SMPs.
3rd Life was actually less like DSMP and more like the modern SMP RPs, where there’s no (known, lol) scripted events and the fandom itself deciphers what is or isn’t “canon” rather than it being told to them, with mostly everything being considered canon. HOWEVER, I do believe that DSMP’s style did still affect the fandom, specifically with the topic of this essay, Flower Husbands.
But why would it only really affect Flower Husbands? Now we get into a rough topic: shipping discourse. Back in those days, shipping in the mcyt fandom was heavily frowned upon. Moreso than it is today (I know it’s still around, but it was a lot worse the earlier we go lol). I’ve even seen old relics of ppl saying flower husbands should only be portrayed as platonic cuz it’s wrong to ship them, despite their team name literally being husbands. But more importantly, for A LOT of people, flower husbands was the One Ship people felt “allowed” to ship, BECAUSE it was canon. So they would allow FH and shun every other ship.
My point isn’t actually that, with it being the only “acceptable” ship everyone tried to make it more wholesome, though I suppose that could be a contributor. But my ACTUAL point is where all the things I laid out finally close in on each other:
Ships were a Dangerous territory in mcyt fandom, and ships being “canon” was something a lot of people weren’t prepared to deal with. People don’t want to get too close to RPF territory, but back in the day their ideas of c! vs cc! wasn’t as great, so they default to the DSMP Rule of “if it’s stated to be roleplay, then it’s canon to the characters, if not, it’s noncanon and just the CCs hanging out”.
You see where I’m going with this? When trying to follow this rule for a character relationship where they don’t explicitly state what is or isn’t RP, they hear “we’re married” and instantly mark that as canon to the characters since it clearly isn’t true to the CCs, and tend to block out anything else, otherwise you’re risking it not actually being true to the characters. Especially when it’s things like Scott saying something mean about Jimmy; that directly contradicts the “these characters are in love” thing, so it must not be canon, right?
But wouldn’t people still remember that these things happened, or did they actually straight up not process any of it? My answer to that is: of course everyone was paying attention, but with the context that it’s the CCs playing a video game, all of the teasing and other behavior seems WAY less serious. It just looks like average friends playing a hunger games smp together. And as I explained earlier, the fandom was ONLY processing this as a CC thing, so Scott’s treatment of Jimmy never stood out because that’s just how it is playing games.
Back to DSMP, I’m not active in that fandom anymore but I’ll see snippets sometimes, and I’ve seen the claim that beeduo was actually boring in canon and the fandom was the one that made it interesting. I feel like this is exactly what happened with FH. Nobody was actually expecting anyone to go hard into romantic roleplay, so the fans just take whichever pair says they’re getting married and fill in the blanks themselves. And that was normal back then, it wasn’t fans making stuff up for no reason, it was kind of expected of us.
So yeah, I personally believe that this whole confusion about FH is a result of its time. Whether you want to finally look at the actual substance of the relationship rather than following weird rules about what is or isn’t “canon”, or you believe that since FH was from a time where romantic RP was confusing and weird it would make the most sense to take into account the time period it came from and ignore the less appealing bits in favor of the fanon, I don’t really care honestly. But man isn’t this an interesting situation.
#trafficblr#life series#flower husbands#again this is NOT about whether or not FH is healthy. it’s only about the meta.#if you want to ask me my honest opinions on if FH is toxic you can ask but not on this post lol.#I do stand by my last paragraph that I honestly couldn’t care less if some fans choose to ignore canon due to the time period#tho I personally lean more towards ‘maybe now we should ACTUALLY look at what happened’#I still think ppl have a right to focus more on the fanon. cuz that’s just how weird FH was. but I wanna focus on the canon personally.#this all sort of just comes back around to that ‘what is or isn’t canon is entirely different depending on who you ask’#it’s usually pretty decently consistent what ppl consider canon or noncanon but FH was stuck in a weird situation so it’s the exception#like I said in an old post that still gets notes. regardless of ur opinion on FH it had to break thru so many walls for us and we should#thank it. the fandom would’ve PROBABLY made it to this point EVENTUALLY but without FH it would’ve been harder. thank u FH ur so weird.
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Intensely Spicy Curry Training: Hypmic Curry Drama Track TL
Kuukou: Y’all sure took your sweet time getting here! I’ve already got everything prepared!
Jyushi: But didn’t you tell us to meet you at the temple?
Hitoya: If we’re making curry, why the hell are we way out in the mountains to do it?
Kuukou: Because I just had a great idea. Check this out!
Jyushi: Ooooh, look at all this meat! So, we’re going to be using all of this in our curry?
Hitoya: Beef and chicken, huh? I guess it would make sense not cook these while inside your temple.
Kuukou: You’re half right, and half wrong.
Jyushi: What do you mean?
Kuukou: I don’t plan to make just any ol’ curry. Now it’s time for the both of y’all to mince the hell out of this meat!!
Hitoya: I didn’t know whether to expect if a corrupt little monk such as yourself knew how to cook, but I’m surprised. Instead of using something pre-made, if we pound and mince the meat ourselves, we’d get a far more superior product. Is that what you were thinking?
Jyushi: Oh, I see! That’s amazing, Kuukou-san!
Hitoya: So, where’d you put the food processor?
Kuukou: Ah?? The hell are you on? You’re grinding this meat with your bare hands.
Jyushi: …Eh?
Kuukou: Jyushi, you’re on beef! Hitoya, you’re taking the chicken! Punch it with everything you’ve got and make minced meat out of it!! This is a new training session I thought up!
Hitoya: What the hell is this fool saying??
Jyushi: B-But there’s so much meat!! Grinding it by hand is impossible!!
Kuukou: I don’t want to hear any complaints!! You don’t know that unless you try!
Jyushi & Hitoya: *reluctantly pounds the meat by hand*
Jyushi: *tearfully* …My body’s going to become minced meat before the actual beef!
Hitoya: Damn it, I can’t believe I let my guard down like this…! I shouldn’t have expected we’d simply make curry…!
Kuukou: You can’t expect to get anywhere with a weak spirit behind weak fists like that!! Lemme show you how it’s done!
Kuukou: *starts punching*
Hitoya: You bastard, those are vegetables!!
Jyushi: E-Even I could mince a tomato by hand!
Kuukou: It doesn’t matter either way!! Whether it’s vegetables or meat, all that matters is the heart you’re putting behind it!!
Jyushi: T-That doesn’t make any sense…!!
Kuukou: “Enlightenment can be attained through one thousand fists!” Don’t just keep yapping and put some energy into your hips and legs too!
Hitoya: Tch, I don’t see any way out of this… Then, I might as well get it over with…!! UWOOOOOOOOOAAAARRRRGHHHH!!!!!!!! *maximum effort punching*
Jyushi: H-Hitoya-san??
Kuukou: Hyahaha! There’s the effort I wanna see!
Jyushi: Guh… Because My God has unshackled the chains binding his true power, I, too, must unlock mine to continue alongside him…! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!! *maximum effort punching*
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Jyushi: I-I can’t move another inch…
Hitoya: Ugh… I can’t even take the cap off my water bottle…
Kuukou: *sighs* It’s pretty pathetic to be that exhausted just from cooking.
Hitoya: You…!!!
Jyushi: But, I think it would be really nice if our training efforts could be felt by those eating our curry…!
Hitoya: …Well, I don’t think I’d say it like that, but I agree with the sentiment.
*the trees rustle and the birds chirp and there is peace*
Kuukou: The fuck are y’all talking about? There’s no point to this if the people who eating aren’t going through training too.
Jyushi: Eh?
Kuukou: Training can only be felt when you grow from the trials you’ve experienced yourself. Hopping off from other people’s efforts won’t mean shit.
Jyushi: B-but I mean, we’ll still be serving the curry to others once it’s finished cooking, right?
Kuukou: Yup. Which is why I’ve got…!
Hitoya: UWAH!! MY EYES!! IT’S IN MY EYES!!
Jyushi: That powder…!!
Hitoya: It’s red chili pepper!! Jyushi, run!! Move upwind so it doesn’t blow and stick to your mucous membrane!!
Jyushi: Eeek!!! *runs away sobbing*
Kuukou: HYAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Hitoya: Kuukou, you bastard, what are you doing? Are you trying to ruin everything we worked on??
Kuukou: I’m not ruining a damn thing! This curry will be spicy so I can provide a remote kind of training!
Hitoya: Stop fucking around!! There’s gotta be a limit!!
Jyushi: *runs back over* I think there’s more chili pepper powder than ingredients now…!!
Kuukou: Then it’s just right! Now try it.
Jyushi: NO!! I will not be eating!! I absolutely refuse!! Don’t even try me!!
Kuukou: Hey stupid, watch it, that’s dangerous!! Stop fighting me and just—Ahh??
Jyushi: T-The inside of the pot is pitch black……!!
Hitoya: Obviously. Chili peppers burn easily. Haah… Let’s just remake the curry.
Jyushi: But doesn’t that mean we’ll have to mince more meat??
Kuukou: Whatever, I was thinking our “Intensely Spicy Curry Training” was made too halfheartedly anyway!! Time to give it all I got and win this championship!!
#kuko harai#jyushi aimono#hitoya amaguni#bad ass temple#hypmic#hypnosis mic#til that you can make a meat paste at the very least by using a mortar and pestle LOL#the curry pissed me tf off lmao it was so spicy but underneath all that spice was a ridiculously flavourful curry#it's spicy enough that i can tell it's comfortably spicy for people used to eating spice tho!!#habenero is the worst experience with spice i ever had and it wasn't that bad lol but i got the sense it could have been#so i assume jyushi and hitoya talked kuukou down lmao or we didn't want a repeat burnt product lol#i decided to tone down how i usually write bat to try and not show my very obvious bias lol hopefully it worked#i remember slug mentioning sometimes a tl will come off vague in order to not get in the way of future developments#and i actually felt that tling this lmao like when hitoya was telling kuukou there's a limit for everything#i had to choose whether to make this about kuukou and training or kuukou and the chili peppers#the statement itself was a vague warning so my own interpretations of bat were getting in the way probably lol#statements without a clear subject usually default to the person speaking so kuukou saying give it everything and win the championship#is me assuming he's talking about himself and again i'm a little worried my own interpretations of bat are getting in the way#since kuukou's self reliance is blatant but also not if you're casually looking at bat SO IDK LOL I THINK TLING IS HARD#curry tl
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Me normally: Let people love what they love
Me, after a Test Match Special commentator expresses their belief that the new All Creatures Great and Small is somehow "better" than the 1978 version: This is pure insanity and TMS can no longer be trusted on anything, how can they even be trusted to know about cricket, do they have no TASTE
#Look it's fine that this show exists and people will watch it and like it and that's ok maybe it's just not for me#But that was like a statement purely designed to piss me off#There were lots of issues with the 1978 adaptation! I still vastly preferred the books any day!#And I actually initially had high hopes for the new one because they at least cast a Scot (albeit a Highlander not a Clydesider) as James#And the actors at least looked a little bit younger than Christopher Timothy and Robert Hardy#And thank god Helen actually sounds like she's a farmer's daughter and doesn't speak RP!#But from the half hour I've seen of it I've had to write off this new adaptation#For two major reasons#First of all there's Siegfried#Siegfried is one of the key central aspects of the vibe of the books and therefore key to any adaptation#Robert Hardy was too short and too old for the part but he lived and breathed the character#The twinkle in the eye bouncing off the walls and in and out of rooms followed by half a dozen dogs utterly full of life even when angry#But this new Siegfried is just sort of... Eeyore-esque; he comes into a room and you can see the flowers droop and the set turn grey#Siegfried was angry Siegfried was happy and the historical character he was based on was no stranger to melancholy#Since Donald Sinclair did commit suicide or rather self-euthanasia after Alf Wight and his own wife Audrey died#But this slow grumbly figure in the new adaptation is not Siegfried Farnon- the book character didn't grumble more often he exploded#And why did the adaptation give him a dead wife that's so weird? What could that possibly add to the source material?#And this brings me onto my second problem which is to do with women and age#Firstly I have no idea why they aged down Mrs Hall or at least made her look younger than a woman her age would have back then#But what really drove me mad was when Heriot goes out to see some old woman hill farmer in the episode I saw#And this woman is far too clean and young-looking and you can see that she's wearing 'natural' look make-up#And a perfect set of clothes that looked like they were straight out of the House of Bruar autumn collection catalogue#Say what you like about the 1978 adaptation but old women looked like old women regardless of whether or not they wore make-up#It may be that the better quality of television screens means that the 'natural look' shows up on screen more clearly than it would have#But natural look make-up was not really a thing in the 1930s and for old women Yorkshire hill farmers I doubt they'd have much on at all#They just don't seem to be capable of allowing people to look old and wrinkled and real or have bad teeth or unattractive clothes#And everything is far too tidy- everybody looks far too perfectly country and quaint#Anyway the moral of this story is of course that I always recommend reading the books because they're much better#than any tv adaptation; but if forced to choose at least the 1970s one felt real and yet didn't have to be grim either#Ok that's my rant over please do feel free to enjoy the show I just got annoyed because the opinion was expressed on TMS
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idk how to say this right but i feel like people going through aaron bushnell's reddit comment history to try and figure out how Morally Pure™ he was and therefore if you're allowed to support his actions or not are. missing the point. in a lot of ways
#and i do mean this in both directions bc I've seen. so many posts along these lines already#and it's like. whether he was in the acab subreddit or made lizard people jokes kind of pales in comparison to#Actively Being Part Of The Murder Machine and that was the entire point#if you're looking for his moral values i feel like it's weird to try and find secret truths buried in his comment history#rather than going off of him Choosing To Die In The Number One Worst Way To Help Stop To Genocide#why is The Most Final Thing You Can Do somehow less meaningful than a couple reddit comments#and in the other direction it's like. i gotta be real with you his opinions on fatphobia do not mean shit nor fuck to me#and that's coming from someone who mods on an anti fatphobia blog like. it does not seem remotely relevant#he died to draw eyes to Palestine and when people go looking for moral purity out of him like this it just feels like they're#just. trying their hardest not to look where he asked.#what is the point of bringing these things up?#like. ok he made some shitty jokes. well now he's dead so it's not like he can go anywhere with it. what is your ultimate goal#do you want to bring awareness to something or do you just want people to stop talking about him because of what his death meant#idk#origibberish
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I wish i was a boy so i could get my ears pierced and piss off so many stupid people but be soso beautiful 😔😔😔
#just had to endure the most stupid fucking conversation#i feel like especially when you KNOW men who have their ears pierced like its giving insecure#and unnecessarily nasty#and mind your business#i need to cut my hair really short again so i can balance the world#actually lets talk about that in these tags rn because why not#i have really been grappling lately with whether i like having my hair a bit longer or not#because Technically i look 'Better' with it a little longer. but the main reason i like it short because the physical sensation of hair on#my neck etc bothers me soooooooo much. like i can live with it. its not a big deal but bruhhh#if i honestly thought i could pull it off i would shave my head entirely. but i simply like the Look of hair on my head so here we are#but yeah hashtag annoying and idk what to choose#le text post#anyways. any and every gender can do whatever the fuck they want to their body and wear what they want and ppl should stop saying its weird#or gay or feminine or whatever the fuck else they think is an insult!!!!!#aaaaaaaaaaaa
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a “fun fact about me” is actually that i have a fascinating interior life and i’m in love with the whole world. just so you know
#i hate being asked this question!! i am the most boring person in the world#especially because like. what am i going to say. ‘oh sometimes i write fanfiction? i have an active fandom blog on tumblr.com’? no thanks!#‘just say you like to write!’ oh yeah and then give them the chance to look at the All Of Me and be like#‘girl be honest. is it fic’#no thanks!! i’ll dodge that question if at all possible!#unfortunately this comes at the expense of just having to be like ‘uhhh…. i like to read’ whenever this comes up#and this is not me saying that fandom is my Only Hobby so don’t come after me it’s just. it is an important hobby to me! it is for better o#worse how i choose to spend a decent amount of my free time!#and sometimes i wish i wouldn’t rather die than give people the opportunity to wonder about whether or not i have a fandom life. you know?#but unfortunately. i would#and the other thing is that actually not all of my writing IS fanfic but. it’s not like i’m going to show anyone that shit yet either!#you can read it ifwhen it ever gets published and at no time before :)#caseyposting
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this whole sequence breaks my heart in case you were curious
#gets literally everything he's been told he's good for taken from him on live tv#then goes out and has to interact with the public and has to deal with the moral dilemma about whether or not to Actually Interact#chooses to interact bc he values the public and they're commenting on how he got booted from his home club#the guy in red tries to get him to sign multiple things so he can sell those things and profit off of jamie's dismay#and then he sees the little boy his eyes LIGHT UP look at him#because he's got an obligation to make this kid happy and give him what roy gave him when he was 8 (a moment with his favorite footballer)#so he asks the kid his name (which he doesn't do for anyone else)#and tries to make it a moment he'll remember as long as jamie's remembered roy signing his poster#im just saying can you IMAGINE everything that goes through his head in this like. maximum 30 minute span#if you can't tell im thinking about late s1 early s2 jamie again
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watching playthrough of Amphipolis and Brasidas’ death for.... research....reasons....and whoever played this had Alexios and Brasidas at odds with each other. Arguing about loyalty before the battle. I cannot see this as them not just fighting about loyalty to Sparta, but some slight between each other. I want to shove them in a room and give them the time to talk things out.
#When Alexios asks to prove his loyalty he has this look of desperation#and my smut brain engaged. Like no Adrian this is not the time. This is a TRAGEDY. Alexios can't just fix this by [REDACTED]#I thought we were friends? Yeah uh they are more than friends.#ONE OF THE OPTIONS IS TO SAY I AM LOYAL TO YOU instead of I am loyal to Sparta.#I don't think I've ever had this option WHAT#I AM HEARTBROKEN. MY STOMACH PHYSICALLY HURTS. I MIGHT PUKE.#also wearing the ares armor? I see we are pregaming for the post-death rage that overtakes Alexios#I always have Alexios put on that armor and just cut across Greece.#then I get sad and think this is not what Brasidas would have wanted so I restart the game. Again.#I can only finish the game as Kassandra. I become far too hopeless with Alexios. There is too much grief.#a bad day for athens a glorious day for sparta? BOY ARE YOU WRONG#its a bad day my friend#you want war? no deimos I want you to go to therapy.#I take everything so personally? Yeah I'll show you personally.#deimos my beloved#Shut the everliving fuck up#I wish they made it a possibility to choose whether to chase Kleon or to return to Brasidas side.#I wish they had made a choice where you kidnap Brasidas and he kicks and screams but lives.#you can hate me all you want my love but you will not die today#Sparta does not deserve your loyalty#ok sorry but I just had a lot of feelings for the 10000th time
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.
#i think one of the things that i really enjoy being on here is the majority of us stuck around tumblr and didnt migrate#because we genuinely just love shooting the shit about her and her songs and her mythology#creating content and engaging in (sometimes) good hearted debates#and the one good thing is most people on here are at least 8/10+ year fans of hers so you're talking to people who#deeply appreciate her as an artist and a public figure#and aren't looking for attention really and in fact would loathe her return to the platform because#this atmosphere is really nice when it's this and it's mostly nice cuz she's not here#(for the most part like OBVIOUSLY some brain diseases never leave people just cuz she left and we all avoid you people)#but i think my favorite part is that this environment allows me to easily find people who are the true two feet on the ground people like m#who are ok talking about her as the business woman that she is. shrewd and calculating and#how that's not a value judgement or a character judgement. this is her JOB and it requires certain mental and emotional relationships#that she doesn't want fans to be aware of but they are the reality and duh they're hidden BECAUSE that would ruin the way the#entire machine functions like i know i know#but i didn't realize how far and few swifites who can enjoy her and see her for what she is and appreciate WHY that is are and not be#personally offended like thank god she's not here cuz idk how i would have found those people#also i'm over the moon she's (temporarily at least) done with the M&G shit cuz the wars that would have broken out between the#new tiktok fans and the tumblr old guard...... i would have perhaps left this platform entirely#i couldn't take it during rep and that was just about whether or not you deserved to be a FAN because of an album concept#swifties at their worst and most cult like loyalty that never turned me off swiftie fandom faster#and now that there is a HUGE divide.... i already know who taylor would choose for m&gs and i know WHY and it's not like evil#but the effect it would have on legacy fans....... there would be never a worse time in swiftie history so thank GOD for this#so i can keep blogging about my hot wife and her top tier songwriting and my love of pattern recognition#IN PEACE#idk what this was all about but i just like had to brain dump i guess anyway love all of you my smart normal grown up friends on here
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ranked pretty much all of my finished art on my computer and a couple sketches. can you tell i like hunter x hunter
#ben jumpscare in there#raey draws#not a real art but i AM drawing godbless#raey spam#more elaboration on some: the killua & leorio one is Fine i guess i just don't like it#also stopped liking making it about halfway through & you can kinda tell#the blue killua piece has 2 different rankings bc i didn't understand lighting but the actual drawing was pretty good#look ok the group picture w omori is in special tier cuz it would be so good if it weren't for sunnys goddamn neck#i really have to fix that one of these days lol#but aside from that i really like it#the mari picnic one i liked the sketch way more#mari herself looks good but the background and the picnic basketand the literally everything else....#i do like the gon being beat up drawing BUT there are like 2 pixels that weren't colored in and it annoys the hell out of me#was kinda debating whether or not to put a couple of the pieces in draw that i like in special tier#technically the haircut aubrey piece is supposed to be in special tier cause it fits the requirements#(draw that i show people who haven't seen my drawings before)#but ehhhh#i like the alluka one better ig#also if you're curious about the purple eyed abomination on the bottom thats a Really old art#was supposed to be a cross between phil tpn and yashiro nene (i did not choose these characters)#looks like trash rubbish horrible. its so funny
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When I had that panic attack the other day, my girlfriend really put some things into perspective... I don't know, I think I feel bad because this is the best my life has ever been and I'm still depressed and anxious. It feels like I can't do anything for myself and the things I can do, I don't.
But she said that she would feel the same in my position. That actually, when she was the most depressed, she *was* in my position. She said she'd go crazy from not being able to do anything all the time and for some reason that helped a lot. Like, just to hear that its not wrong to feel like this and that I really am doing everything I can.
It feels so greedy and selfish to look at my life being the best it's ever been and to still ask for more but I guess it's normal.
#i genuinely havent processed how much better things can get still because it feels like it will never happen#like im probably going to be getting top surgery this year. almost definitely even#but i cant believe it. ive waited so long that it seems like somethimg *has* to mess this up for me too#my whole life people have treated me like i need to just push through my anxieties. if i just pushed through then id feel better#if i just pushed through then id be normal#but now its even worse. i cant leave my house without help and its not that i *wont* i actually can't#i can push myself to but it isnt normal. im internally on the verge of a panic attack anytime im outside alone or in an unfamiliar place#but people dont see those things. they just look at me and see that i can but i choose not to#how do i tell them that not every choice is that easy#ny choices arent what to eat for breakfast and which parent will pick up the kids from school#its whether i stay in my house anxious and depressed and pain or leave my house for the promise of it getting better#knowing that 9 out of 10 times it has made it much worse#its deciding whether or not to ask for help when you need support but the problem cant be 'helped'#trying to guage what people will and wont take it personally that i have problems they simply arent qualified to fix#and even some problems that no one can fix
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Stuck on the idea of vampires as a kind of reverse fae, or like someone's twisted, perverse attempt at moulding humans into fae.
They're repelled by liminal spaces.
A vampire could never enter fairyland, not just because they'd never be welcomed, but because most of the usual entry-ways are naturally barred to them.
They can't cross running water. They can't be seen in mirrors. They will wait forever at a crossroads, unable to pick a direction to go in. They can't even step over a thresh-hold unless there is absolutely no ambiguity about whether they are welcome inside.
They crave human blood, iron and salt, but are repelled by herbs and plants. They are supernaturally prevented from harming you unless the rules of hospitality have been invoked.
A fairy may replace your newborn child with something unnatural and ever-hungry. A vampire will do the same, but with your grandmother's corpse.
The fae are typically associated, even in stories where they're the bad guys, with flourishing and purity. Vampires, even in stories where they're the good guys, are typically associated with decay and corruption.
The fae turn ancient human burial mounds into fancy halls for their courts. Vampires take ancient human castles and let them grow mildewed and cobwebbed, exchanging the beds for coffins, turning them into burial places.
Fae don't tend to live among humans, but can generally pass for them with relative ease if they so choose. Vampires nearly always live among humans, but tend to find not revealing themselves a huge struggle.
I can't think of many stories I've read where fae and vampires even exist in the same universe, let alone ones where they actively interact. I feel like their enmity is almost more inevitable than that between vampires and werewolves, however.
The rivalry between vampires and werewolves is, essentially, the rivalry between two apex predator species who share a territory. (Even in stories where the werewolves aren't actually hunting humans.)
The vampires hate the werewolves because the werewolves interfere with their access to prey. The werewolves hate the vampires either because they consider themselves aligned with humans (the prey species), or because they are also predators and the vampires are competing with them.
By comparison, I think there's some story potential in the fae finding something genuinely creepy and uncanny valley about vampires.
They're immortal, like them, but also dead. They can be beautiful, like them, but that beauty is something they actively require humans to sustain. They like to inhabit beautiful and ancient ex-human dwellings, like them, but they actively work to make those places dark, damp and empty.
Fairies who are unflappable in the face of all sorts of Otherworldly monsters, can look an eldritch horror in the eye(s) without blinking, and have never been phased yet by any human, but will recoil from even the weakest vampire.
Vampires who hate fairies just as much, but in a more envious way. The way that the creature for whom immortality is a curse is bound to hate the creatures for whom immortality is an eternity of sunlight and laughter.
Maybe their touches burn each other. Maybe vampires can't stand physical contact with anything so alive and vital. Maybe immortal fairies become ill from too much exposure to the undead.
Maybe they fight over the human population when their territories overlap. The fairy need for servants and people to make deals with, competing with the vampire need for thralls and blood to drink.
Just… fairies and vampires. We need more stories about them interacting.
#vampires#fae#fairies#fantasy#fantasy headcanons#urban fantasy#now imagine all this in the context of an enemies to lovers story
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Okay so like. You know your own name as a kid, right?
You remember how it sounds, how your parents say it, how your friends say it- you learn how to spell it, and maybe even what it means and why it was given to you, and it's yours.
It's not a tangible, physical thing, like your hair or your fingernails, but it's yours. It belongs to you.
So, like. Imagine there comes a point in life where everyone gets their name tattooed to their forehead, or something.
Could be when they're two. Could be when they're twenty. Hell, it could be when they're eighty, or ninety-nine, or whenever. But it's everybody, and it's inevitable, and it happens.
Now imagine the time comes for you, and you get up after and look in the mirror and realize they spelled it wrong.
And you have to go outside and live your life in a world where everybody is so totally used to knowing people's names on sight that not a single person second-guesses that your parents named you Susam, or Ahley, or Benjabib.
And you know it's wrong, every time you hear it, but you can choose to explain every single time- every time you're called in a coffee queue, every time a teacher picks you in class, every time you meet a new person or bump into a stranger or are greeted on the street, by children and employers and door-to-door salesmen and your fucking waitress- or you can kind of just learn to grit your teeth and ignore it.
You still notice, of course- maybe you learn to accept it, maybe you hate it every time, but whether you do anything about it or not, you still know. You know people have the wrong word for you in your head.
You know they still mean YOU, but it's not you.
So what's your solution?
Do you shrug, decide it doesn't matter, and go about your life?
Do you smear the typo over with foundation, pencil in new letters every morning?
Do you stare into the mirror sometimes and think, "wow, I should really get that fixed"?
Maybe you save up your money and get it removed, or covered up, or changed to something else. Maybe the whole damn thing was wrong, and you've been a Jacob running around as a Hailey this whole damn time.
That's the best way to explain it. It's not an easily-provable thing, or a demonstrable thing, or a feeling I can one-for-one substitute as something else-
but that's what it's like to know you're not a girl.
#Based on a conversation with a family member#It's fine if you don't get it Brendo that probably means you haven't experienced it#Oh sorry “Brenda”#My bad
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